#chronic suicidality

[willows-woes]

chronic suicidality is a hell of its own.

every single day you think about dying, and every single day you fail. you feel guilt and shame for even living.

people around you tell you you're brave for still being here. but it doesn't feel like it at all-- it feels like a result of failure. failure, over and over and over again.

#chronic suicidality #chronic depression #tw suicidal ideation

[deprixpainsblog]

#i cant live like this #depressing life #thoughts #depressiv #mentally fucked #ptbs #einsam #actually mentally ill #depressing quotes #this is depressing #chronic suicidality #deprressed #dissociation #actually dissociative

[sch-com]

Genuinely, what hope is there for chronically suicidal people? All resources on suicidality are focused on threating it as an emergency pretty much 100% of the time. It's absolute - if you have suicidal thoughts, go to a doctor, or even an emergency room.

But I don't think it's applicable or helpful for chronic suicidality. I am thinking of killing myself daily. All the time. I go to a shop, I am walking back and I can't stop myself from thinking about dying. I am doing something fun, and yet I am going through the possibilities and options and methods.

Of course, there is this distinction about passive and active suicidality, but even this is not very helpful for me. I had times when I was far further on the active side of the spectrum, where I was doing research and developed a plan. And it's not like I just... forget the plans I've already made when I'm more passive? Now when I'm thinking of suicide my mind can jump into the ready-made plans much easier. Does this count as actively suicidal anymore?

I just feel like there's this expectation that when you get better, the suicidality always disappears. So, it's never really the center of attention - you focus on getting all the other shit under control, and the suicidality will magically disappear! Well surprise, surprise, it doesn't work like that.

For me suicidality has always has been, and apparently always will be, the longest and strongest lingering symptom (I don't even know of what. they say it's the depression, but I am suicidal even when not depressed?). And somehow it's always the most overlooked one, even though it feels like the core of my dysfunction. Honestly, I have given up on getting rid of it at this point.

#tw suicide #chronic suicidality #chronically suicidal #schcomtalk

[beachfolk]

#rilakkuma #chronic suicidality #are u ever just really fucking sick of it

[d0llyxtears]

I don’t think i deserve to be an adult… I don’t think I was supposed to live this long … I spent my entire teenage years expecting to ki/ll myself one day and I cried and had a panic attack on 20th and 18th birthday….. I barely made it through that period of my life….. how the fuck am I supposed to be an adult now??? Everything feels so fucking scary all the time … i feel like I can’t do this !!

I’m to sensitive and anxiety ridden to live in this world…. Shoot i feel like a child in an adult body with adult expectations placed on me and everything feels like too much and it’s terrifying!!

I wanna live so bad but i feel like I can’t … like because the way my brain works or how much my mental illnesses has affected me that … it’s going to be impossible to live in this world……

Sometimes I wish I could go back to when I was fifteen years old… and commit again.. but for this time for it actually work so I wouldn’t have to feel all of this stress and anxiety and pain anymore…..

Because I wasn’t supposed to be an adult anyway… how the fuck am I supposed to live if I couldn’t even handle school and being a teenager with out hurting myself ?? I barely survived and this world feels so…. Scary and unsafe for me …..

I don’t know I just feel like the whole world is crashing down on me …. And time keeps moving… and every year I get older while i still feel stuck in my teens because of trauma…… and please I’m just a child !! Why is everything so difficult and scary ???

#tw vent #tw sui ideation #tw sui vent #actually traumatized #tw self destructive thoughts #tw sui talk #tw past trauma #i want to die #passive suicidality #chronic suicidality #actually ptsd #actuallymentallyill

[arcalx]

◇ empty

empty

Empty

Empty

EMPTY

EMPTY

EMPTY

EMPTY

I FEEL FUCKING EMPTY

#calxvent #trauma #mental illness #mental problems #autism #autistic struggles #suicidal ideation #suicidality #chronic suicidality #chronic loneliness

[failinghuman101]

im so lonely. so. so lonely.

id kill myself just to not hear another throwaway joke insult again. i am so lonely.

#please dont say skill issue #it kills me #chronic suicidality

[physics-dirtbag]

venting, i suppose (tw)

Another thing that sucks about being chronically suicidal is that when you finally start to see the light at the end of the tunnel, you remember how much work, chores, etc. you put off when you were trying to decide whether or not to remove yourself from the planet

Like I need at least a week or so to rest and remind myself of the good parts of being alive

#I just want to lie in bed and read and journal and paint and … #but I’m super behind on research #and every time i think about it I am filled with so much dread which makes me want to drop out #tw suicide #post #chronic suicidality

[midnightdemon7]

Feeling perturbed

Last night I was in the throws of suicidal thinking. I imagined me taking a handful of pills and throwing my luck in the air on whether I would live or die. It felt so real. I didn’t do anything. I tried reading the stuff about cognitive dissonance. It was hard reading it. I am going to try and read more today about it. I slept for a couple of hours last night and then I was up for most of the…

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#body dysmorphic disorder #body image #chronic suicidality #depression

[willows-woes]

ugh. i guess, for moral reasons, i shouldn't kill myself before december 26th.

or, but that'd be REALLY pushing it, after the presents have been opened on christmas.

#tw suicidal ideation #chronic suicidality

[deprixpainsblog]

Mein Ziel: das ich nächste woche gar nicht mehr aufwache oder sogar nur im Krankenhaus bin.

Damit ich diese Scheise was alle von mir erwarten nicht machen muss!

#depressing life #thoughts #depressiv #mentally fucked #ptbs #einsam #actually mentally ill #chronic suicidality #chronic stress #depressing quotes #this is depressing #suizigedanken #suizidversuch #suizidgefährdet #suic1de #suisside

[sch-com]

has anyone ever truly got rid of their suicidal thoughts for good once they appeared. asking for a friend

#joking - i dont have friends #the schizoidism or sth #schcomtalk #tw suicide #chronic suicidality #chronically suicidal

[valerielynnstephensauthor]

#literature #philosophy #theology #essays #chronic suicidality #complex ptsd #trauma recovery

[th3-t0w3r]

When you don’t have the energy to find anything to care about in your future, I find it can help at least having things that you’re curious about.

#thoughts #BPD #bpd posting #textpost #my post #chronic suicidality #tw sui talk #tw sui ideation #Marlas speaks

[arcalx]

TW: brief mention of wanting to d*e

♤ It's not that I don't think that I deserve to live, I just think that people don't want me to.

And it's not that I want to die, it's just that I don't think I can live.

#calxvent #trauma #mental illness #mental problems #autism #autistic struggles #autistic experiences #autistic things #chronic loneliness #chronic suicidality #suicidal ideation #the world is cruel #especially to neurodivergent people #even more so to neurodivergent adults #people suck

[thebibliosphere]

You know the cluster migraine is bad when your significant other ends up holding you while you clutch your head and sob about wanting to kill yourself to escape the pain.

Twelve hours. Twelve hours I was in so much pain I wanted to die.

And yet I still don’t qualify for pain management treatment and keep getting prescribed preventatives that don’t work for me because “we prefer not to prescribe painkillers where we can.”

Fuck you.

This is how people end up self-medicating and overdosing.

#chronic health tag #migraine #suicidal ideation