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leahluvr · 7 months

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nothing’s wrong - lucy bronze x reader

genre: reader gets diagnosed with a heart condition right before the euro finals, angst

warnings: chronic condition, injury

(requested)

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the last few weeks had been great, but awful. while the excitement for your teams progression in the 2022 euros was unimaginable, your underlying illness threatened to overshadow your joy. before the euros had kicked off, unbeknownst to your long term girlfriend, lucy, you had been feeling agonising chest pains, almost like palpitations, a shortness of breath, feeling lightheaded when standing up after sitting down or after a long day of training, and a plethora of other unusual occurrences. even during times of intimacy with lucy, you struggled to pluck up the courage to ask to slow down, feeling your own heart race and beginning to hyperventilate. you did your best to hide your pain from lucy as you knew she would become overbearingly cautious if you told her anything. you couldn’t burden her.

seeing that you had progressed further into the tournament, you made the responsible decision to visit the gp, brushing it off to lucy, letting her know it was just a ‘yearly checkup’.

“yearly checkup?” she asked, “but, love, we have regular checkups at camp all the time?”

“i know but,” you stopped to think of something to come up with, “my mum’s still got me signed up with this clinic; got the memo from mum and the gp to head in so…”

“alright, well if you say so,” she didn’t look so convinced, but to her, why else would you need to visit a doctor? “good luck, babe!”

she pressed a quick but deep kiss to your lips before you left out the door, keys in hand.

you sat in the waiting room impatiently, your leg shaking uncontrollably. again, out of nowhere, you clenched your chest in pain. you were even more eager than before to find out what was going on with your body, it posed as a constant reminder of your fragile state.

“yn yln” a nurse, holding a tablet, looked around the room before you stood, sending you a forced smile.

“right so, to definitively explain any of these symptoms your experiencing,” the doctor who sat before, you rested his hands on his knees, “we are going to need to run a few tests,”

“and since the mri is available in this schedule block, we’ll get that out the way, other wise you’ll be on a waiting list for possibly weeks.”

you kept your mouth shut and nodded in compliance.

after one uncomfortably claustrophobic mri, a couple of blood tests and other tests you couldn’t quite wrap your head around or understand, you were sat down in front of your doctor again.

“now, you won’t get the test results back for at least a week, so we’ll have you come visit again when we get those processed. given your symptoms and based off previous patients, i’d say you have postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, more so known as pots,”

“which means; before you get any prescription medication, i’d advise you not to partake in any vigorous cardio activity like running, long distance walking, swimming or cycling.”

your jaw dropped and you chuckled at the suggestion in utter disbelief.

“i’m sorry but, i’m a professional footballer, i’ve got a semi-final and possibly a final game coming up to play, i’ve never gotten this far before, it’s a once in a life time opportunity. i have play.”

“look, i’d heavily advise you not to play your games at all but, if you do, i’d highly recommend for you to chat to your coach or manager to cut your time on the pitch, you need to let your body rest even if you aren’t experiencing extreme symptoms.”

you weren’t going to let some stupid heart condition stop you from winning that euros trophy with your national team and the love of your life. so what did you do? you didn’t listen. you disregarded your doctors advice with a hefty cost.

the semi-final had a positive outcome, england dominating and leading into the final. you had managed to play for the first half of the match and sat down, breathless and dizzy; you were fine. the test results from the appointment were still yet to come, so you didn’t visit the doctors again before the final game.

you quietly sat next to the right of lucy on the coach, her hand intertwined yours, thumb moving back and forth on your hand to soothe the nerves. the two of you had your heads lent against each other, finding comfort in one another’s proximity. suddenly, you were grasping at your chest, it ached terribly; it felt as though it was burning slowly in molten lava.

“babe, are you alright?” she looked at your with concern, eyes frantic for an explanation.

you eased your expression of pain with a short laugh.

“i think i ate my cereal too fast this morning from all the nerves,” you say, gritting a smile, “i’ve got heartburn!”

“you stupid girl,” she smiled gently, “have some water, love.”

she passed you her water bottle, and as you chugged it down, you were washed with the slight relief of pain and relief of lucy believing you. you could not cost lucy stressing out over you; of all people, especially before a final.

when you took a step into the stadium, the fans roared in anticipation. the energy was palpable, but so was the pain in your chest.

when the whistle was blown, your body moved on sheer willpower, adrenaline drowning out the cries of protest within.

you made eye contact with lucy on the pitch several times, her eyes fixed on you, mixed with pride and concern.

the first half passed in a blur, and as you retreated to the sidelines, you gasped for air, your vision blurring at the edges. lucy rushed to your side, her worry etched into every line on her face.

“sweet, what’s wrong?” she asked, placing a hand on your cheek, “i think you need to stop, yn, sub off for the next half, you look so burnt out.”

“i can’t let the team down, lucy. i’ll be fine!” you managed a weak smile trying to reassure her.

but even as you said the words, doubt crept in. you’d have to push through another 45 minutes of the game. your heart flooded with guilt, seeing as lucy was still unaware of your body’s intentions.

“yn!” sarina called for you, “what’s going on? you’re playing really badly, losing possession of the ball. if you don’t get your head in the game for this next half, i’m going make you sit out, there are other girls here who want to experience the game.”

you looked towards the ground in regret, you knew it wasn’t right for you to play. still, you wanted to contribute to the win, selfishly.

“sorry boss,” you apologised, shooting a smirk, “think it’s all the nerves about winning!”

sarina laughed and let you run off.

during the second half, you found yourself struggling to keep up. despite the excitement of providing the assist to tooney’s first goal for england, the pain in your chest intensified. your breaths came in ragged gasps and your legs felt like lead. despite the signs of your body begging for you to stop, you persisted. you couldn’t give up, there were still a view minutes to go.

in the final moments of the game, you pushed forward, using your last reserves of energy to fuel your movements.

as the crowd erupted in cheers, you collapsed to the ground, hands clawing at your chest that was constricting with pain. the action of having your eyes closed in contribution to the consecutive jabs you felt in your heart, dulled out the noise of your surroundings.

none of the team, not even lucy, had noticed you struggling, they’d all been huddling together and celebrating their history-changing win. you managed to push yourself up from the ground, which was a bad idea. as soon as you stood, your vision began to blur; pitch combining with the crowd. it felt as though gravity pulled you down, as you roughly collapsed to the grass from feeling faint, the next thing you know; everything went black.

it didn’t take long for the team to notice your lack of presence, as they heard the cheers of the crowd had transitioned into gasps and screams.

lucy was by your side in an instant, her hands quickly coming to the base of your neck for support.

“baby, yn, wake up please,” her voice quivered, she brushed your hair away your face and pressing a hard kiss to your forehead.

the team and medics surrounded your limp body, seemingly baffled by the sudden fainting.

but as your body began convulsing and your breath went from unusual to gone, your younger teammates began to cry, turning away from the scene.

“get the paramedics!” lucy’s voice cracked in panic, looking around frantically for someone to say or do something. tears began falling from eyes, and she pushed them desperately away with her hands.

she could see hempo sprinting to the sidelines, asking to get the paramedics that had specially been on standby for the final.

it didn’t take long for the paramedics to have their hands on your chest, wasting no time to check your pulse, going straight to compressing firmly and quickly with no prior precautions.

lucy’s heart shattered when she made out the sound of a few of your ribs cracking from the compressions. was she going to lose you?

lucy had encased your hands in hers the whole ride to the hospital, drowning in fear. but lucy couldn’t look at you, way too scared and worried for your health. the paramedics had managed to get your heart beating at a regular rate and breathing in control, but you were yet to awaken.

the hospital room you were now situated in was quiet, heart rate monitor beeping from normal to moderately high, in waves. lucy stayed by your side, staring at the iv drip slowly releasing into the needle plunged in your arm.

there was a knock on the door and a nurse walked in to look at lucy, a smile on her face.

“hi, a friend, i’m assuming?” she asked, looking back at forth between your unconscious body and lucy.

“nah, girlfriend.” lucy replied.

“oh i’m sorry, um so i’ve got a bit of a synopsis for you. so yn here, seeing she’s been recently diagnosed with postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, the doctors just said that she’s had a severe pots episode, very similar to a heart attack. she’s got a couple of broken ribs from the cpr but, they’ll heal in no time. not to worry, she’ll be okay in a few weeks time.”

“i’m sorry, she’s been diagnosed with what?”

“postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome or you probably know it as pots,” she informed lucy, quickly noticing her face of shock and confusion, “…she hadn’t told you yet?”

“no,” lucy whispered a reply.

“i’m really sorry, it’s a chronic heart syndrome. well, she’ll be awake very soon, so i wish you luck with your conversation. let me know if you need anything.”

lucy curtly nodded to the nurse and watched her walk out the door before repositioning her attention to you. her eyes wavered over your sleeping body.

she placed her hands over her face and broke down crying. she sobbed for minutes, though it felt like hours to her. obsessive thoughts clouded her head, subsequently haunting her.

why hadn’t you told her? were you to scared to tell her? did you not trust her? didn’t you tell her everything? why? did you even love her?

you slowly opened your eyes to the harsh fluorescent lights beaming from above. the sterile smell of the hospital room filled your senses and you tuned in to hear the beeps of the monitor and quiet sobs and sniffles coming from beside you.

“darling, don’t cry,” you croaked, lifting and reaching a heavy arm towards her, though it felt like it was anchored to the bed.

lucy almost plunged towards you when she noticed your voice and lifted her head to see your eyes, droopy, but open. she had to restrain herself from embracing you tightly, as she was reminded of the broken ribs that the nurse had mentioned earlier.

“you scared the shit the out of me,” she whispered in your neck, as you caressed her head gently, “why didn’t you saying anything?”

“i’m so sorry luce, i was so worried i was going to scare you,” you sighed, “i didn’t want to stress you out before the final, so i was going to wait before i told you.”

“yn, i would rather want to make sure your okay, then win some stupid football game. you mean everything to me and i don’t want to lose you.”

“i’m sorry, lucy, i love you.”

“i love you too,” lucy whispered, voice full of emotion, “but promise me you’ll never shut me out. this is such a big thing to hide. we’ll face these things together, no matter what, okay?.”

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an: dk if i like how this turned out 🧍‍♀️

#lucy bronze x reader #lucy bronze imagine #lucy bronze #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso fanfics #barcelona femeni #engwnt #woso one shot #woso community #woso

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whumpetywhump · 5 months

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Flowers For Algernon - Ep. 10

#flowers for algernon #jdrama #chronic illness #migraine #pain #hyperventilating #panic attack #collapse #concern #hallucinating #yamashita tomohisa #kikuchi fuma #whump #jwhump #asian whump

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xieni-logs · 9 months

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hello!! could i request Dan Heng, Blade, Jing Yuan and Gepard with a chronically ill s/o? just some fluff and comfort :)

thank you!! have a lovely day <3

HSR x chronically ill!Reader

includes: Blade, Gepard, Jing Yuan, Dan Heng

a/n: hii!! I’m not sure what type of chronic illness you wanted the reader to have so each character has a different chronically ill reader, I hope that’s ok! blade's was kind of self-indulgent because i got arthritis (though no where as severe as the reader's is depicted) im so sorry if some of the illnesses arent 100% accurate word count: 1.4k (in total)

Blade x Reader with rheumatoid arthritis

: ̗̀➛ you were diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in every joint in your body. this meant that the pain in your joints would only get worse with time. of course, you had your good and bad days. on good days, the pain was minimal, to the point you wouldn't feel a thing. but on bad days, the pain in your shoulders made it difficult to carry bags, lift things, and particular bad days made it near impossible to get even changed. somedays, the pain in your hips were uneven and made you limp. Blade didn't really understand it at first; you were fine one day and looked terrible the next. it took him a while but he eventually understood that your arthritis came and went.

: ̗̀➛ one particular bad day, you could only lay down, feeling uncomfortable in your own body, a constant spike of pain present. breathing felt difficult, and you felt yourself tearing up just trying to sit up. the minutes it takes to even sit up right felt more like hours. sometimes, the pain killers wouldn't work as they should, and unfortunately, this was one of those days.

: ̗̀➛ Blade enters your room and you quickly turn your head to face him, and immediately regret it due to the pain. he knows it's one of those bad days; your eyes watery, the awkward position you were sitting in, and the look on your face just begging him to make the pain go away. it's difficult for him to comfort you with words so he goes to get some heating pads, food for you to eat, etc... anything he can really. he'll hold you close, minimal movements, letting you lay on him. in the silence between you two, he can't help but wish that at the very least, you could achieve the eternal peace he was chasing after.

Gepard x Reader with asthma

: ̗̀➛ as the captain of the silvermane guards, he has to keep fit and he’d like you, his lover, to at least do some morning runs with him. he knows that you have asthma, but he didn’t think a morning brisk would do anything awful. as long as you managed your symptoms, it was all fine! there usually arent any problems either, to the point your inhaler was often forgotten at home during these runs.

: ̗̀➛ unfortunately, perhaps you were trying to go faster for Gepard knowing he usually slowed down for you or something but you were definitely pushing yourself more than you could handle. your breaths drew short, not enough oxygen getting to you leaving you lightheaded as you continued to run. Gepard ran a bit in front of you, or at least he did. you watched as the distance between you and him grew farther and farther, and your running got slower until it came to a halt. leaning against a wall, you tried to catch your breath but you honestly couldn’t tell if you were breathing at all. the pain coming from your chest felt like too much, you had a hard time pushing air in and out of your lungs.

: ̗̀➛ Gepard ran back, retracing his steps, when he saw you were no longer with him. he found you hunched over, leaning against a wall, looking like you were hyperventilating. rushing to your side, he quickly recognizes that you were having an asthma attack. scooping you into his arm, he quickly runs back to your home. he may look calm due to the fact he is able to hide his fears, he’s a captain after all, but he’s panicking on the inside. the way home is blurry; you aren’t focused on what’s happening around you, only feeling your chest going up and down yet it didn’t feel like you were breathing. it felt as if there was something blocking your airway, causing everything to feel sort of stuck. Gepard grabs your inhaler and shakes it, before giving it to you. the effects don’t happen immediately which worried Gepard, but you eventually were able to breath, at least a little. he takes you to a hospital to get checked up immediately after. it’s when you’re getting checked does the realization that he came so close to losing you sink in. Gepard is clingier the week after that; holding your hands more (even when he’s working), kissing you almost every chance he gets, holding you before bed, etc… he’ll never forget to bring your inhaler on your morning runs after that.

Jing Yuan x Reader with diabetes

: ̗̀➛ low blood sugar is more than being shaky; no matter how long you’ve been diabetic, you’ll never get used to the god awful feeling of dread that occurs. Jing Yuan cares about your health, and he’s got the books and notes to prove it. usually, diabetes doesn’t get in the way of your life besides watching what you eat, having to keep fit, but it’s manageable.

: ̗̀➛ certain occasions like today, unfortunately, you wake up to a shaky feeling crawling up your body. it was early morning, Jing Yuan slept looking peaceful by your side. you forced yourself up and reached over to the meter as quietly as you could. after loading the strip into the device, you pricked your finger- a feeling you will never like. the number 40 glowed on the screen, glaring at you. you knew you had to wake Jing Yuan up because you really didn’t think you could go anywhere feeling like this. you felt awful nudging him awake, interrupting his sleep. all you have to do is show Jing Yuan the 40 and he’s beelining to the kitchen for some juice. when you finish drinking the juice, Jing Yuan holds; your head on his chest and his arms wrapped around you.

: ̗̀➛ your apologies to Jing Yuan for waking him fall to deaf ears as he’s rebutting everything you’re saying. many “nothing to be sorry about”s and “it’s not your fault”s could be heard. 15 minutes later, you prick your finger and show Jing Yuan a glowing 97. he goes to grab you a sandwich and after you finish eating, you two go back to bed. you lean on his shoulder, his hand cradling the side of your head, his chin laid on the top of your head, the two of you drift back to sleep holding each other.

Dan Heng x Reader with osteoporosis

: ̗̀➛ the path of the Trailblaze was not one without danger and Dan Heng was afraid you’d to be hurt in the crossfire though. you were diagnosed with osteopenia which eventually led to osteoporosis, which meant your bones were brittle. you hated it, this meant you were a liability to the astral express when trailblazing and often had to sit out during anything that had the slightest bit of danger. once, you asked if you could just have March’s shield on you at all times but even that proved ineffective in the long run.

: ̗̀➛ today, the astral express crew was visiting Herta for the Trailblazer to check out the simulated universe. Dan Heng quickly finished off the enemy before rushing to your side. it looked terrible, your arm was bent out of place and you couldn’t find it in yourself to say a thing. when you tried to move, a dreadful grinding sound occurred which made you nauseous. Dan Heng alerted the rest of the express crew before they all brought you to the medical department. thankfully, it wasn’t anything irreversible but throughout the treatment, you couldn’t help but feel like a big burden, getting hurt easily.

: ̗̀➛ once everything is fine and all you needed was time to heal, Dan Heng pulled you into a tight hug, whispering a few “thank god you’re fine”s and a “i was so worried.” usually you’d love his clingier side but it felt like pity. and god, it made you feel awful. no one else on the express would get hurt as easily as you. you push Dan Heng away, feeling terrible that you were such a burden, you quickly brief over how you feel. he grabs your wrist, looking you straight in your eyes, and loudly stated every reason you were not a burden because of your osteoporosis. from how you could take care of yourself to helping the express in ways non-physical like talking your way into less community service when the astral express crashed into a stadium. Dan Heng pulled you into a hug saying one last time, “you aren’t a burden.”

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traumatizedjaguar · 2 months

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MASTER-POST: Psychological Abuse Terminology

Parentification: A form of role reversal, in which a child is inappropriately given the role of meeting the emotional or physical needs of the parent or of the family’s other children. There is emotional parentification and instrumental parentification.

Intrude and Interrupt or Enmeshment: The manipulator has no respect for another person's boundaries, they will say and do whatever they please in front of, behind the back of, or towards their victims, regardless of objections or morals. If done covertly the victim will have no idea what damage has been done until it’s too late. The goal is to cut the victim off from speaking up, gaining support, or making positive changes, either for themselves or the people around them.

Infantilize: The manipulator does not acknowledge their victims maturity either emotionally or psychologically. The victim is treated as if they have no knowledge of life or experience dealing with life's challenges. The goal is to reduce a person to that of an infant or child, lowering their status in the social order, and stripping them of the ability to make choices, both in the victim's mind and the manipulator's. Abusers who successfully infantalized you and kept you behind your peers in life will then use your trauma symptoms as an excuse to say, “see you are childish and can’t do this in your own, here let me do it for you” thus continuing to treat you younger than you are and keeping you in this cycle. This keeps you in a childish state against your will, sometimes living under a rock, or not knowing things people your age should know - but this goes for all complex trauma survivors as well.

Dog whistling or Double Entendres: It can be used to set the victim up to look hysterical, it is a coded and suggestive language that only the victim will understand the true meaning of. Used to abuse the victim in a covert manner. It is a statement your abuser uses with double meaning to be able to abuse you in front of others or just play mind games with you to make you lose your mind. Abusers tend to use “double entendres” to secretly cover abusive language. (Google the definition of double entendres).

For example: with the dog whistle tactic my abuser used on me, that my abuser would tell me and other people, “I fucked a girl so hard she had an asthma attack!” My abuser gloated to everyone she knew about how she hooked up with some chick and fucked her so hard that the girl ended up having an asthma attack my abuser thought this was cool to gloat about - this didn’t actually happen; The true hidden meaning behind that statement was that she and her friends gang raped me and I woke up (from being drugged) having a panic attack and hyperventilating that someone handed me an asthma inhaler and it worked and stopped the panic attack. My abuser told me in private she was telling everyone she knew and gloating about raping me with that double entendre.

DARVO: Deny abuse allegations, Attack the victim, Reverse Victim and Offender role. The abuser pretends to be the victim of abuse while vilifying the real victim, and making them out to be the abuser.

Projection, Deflection, Denial: Projection is when the abuser accuses the victim of what they’re actually doing, this is chronically used as a part of the personality pattern of psychological abusers. If the abuser is cheating, they will accuse the victim of cheating. Deflection is when the abuser brings up things the victim “did wrong” when the victim rightfully confronts the abuser about their abusive actions or brings up something the victim supposedly did to take the blame or eyes off the abuser. Denial speaks for itself, when the abuser denies things when the victim confronts them, even when the victim has irrefutable proof.

Insinuating Comments: The manipulator knows the victim's weaknesses and buttons. They purposely push and pull on these to get a reaction. Often they will speak with double entendres or innuendos to confuse and hurt the victim simultaneously while maintaining plausible deniability of any hurtful intention. The goal is to drain the victim emotionally, wear them down, and to feed the manipulator’s ego or sense of power/control.

Feigning Innocence or Confusion: The manipulator tries to suggest that any harm done was unintentional or that they did not do something that they were accused of. The manipulator may put on a look of surprise or indignation. The manipulator may also try to play dumb by pretending he or she doesn't know what the victim is talking about or is confused about an important issue brought to their attention. The abuser may pretend to not know certain people they’re using to help abuse their victim, this is why the abuser has public friends and private contacts. The goal is to make the victim question his or her own judgment and possibly their own sanity. When others are deceived by a manipulator this way the victim feels powerless.

Triangulation

There are 4 main types of triangulation recognized. It is a situation in which one family member or friend will not communicate with the victim, or will be friendly with the victim, while turning other family members or friends against them. This can take many forms and usually incorporates gaslighting. There is always a covert element which leads to pitting the victim against others without the victim being fully aware of what is taking place. The goal is to isolate (divide), and conquer the victim while controlling their support system.

Killing Two Birds With One Stone:

To obtain control, attention or adulation, abusers will often inform their partner about a third-party such as a mutual friend or co-worker, etc., who has been flirtatious with them. This third-party person is brought into the relationship to kill two birds with one stone! First, it stirs up feelings of jealousy and insecurity in their partner and subtlety warns the partner that they’re replaceable. Instinctively the partner tries harder to please the abuser so as to not be replaced. Second, it creates an illusion of desirability and encourages rivalry, both of which fill the abuser with abuser-supply, adulation and control. So not only does the abuser get their dose of supply, they also increase the amount of power they have over their partner. Psychological abusers are obsessed with jealousy and envy to feed their insecurities and lift their self-esteem. Power is the way they go instead of looking for healthier alternatives to make themselves feel better; it’s just how they are wired. They’re wired for drama, power, control, and chaos.

Recruiting Reinforcements:

One of the ways abusers use triangulation to manipulate their partners into siding with their point of view or acquiesce to their wants and needs is by using third-party reinforcements to substantiate their opinions. This is a form of recruiting allies when taken to the extreme is a form of bullying. The abuser tries to manipulate anyone who may hold a different opinion or belief by using the help of a usually innocent third party, which of course, has only heard the abuser’s rendition of the truth.

The third-party is usually oblivious to the abuser’s ploy and believes they’re only trying to help the abuser. Usually, their party is a relative or one of the members of the abuser’s supporters that the abuser uses as a tool to help settle differences and coerce their partner or anyone else into accepting their viewpoint through the use of persuasion, embarrassment, majority rules or guilt.

Splitting:

This method of triangulation involves pitting two people against each other. The abuser does this by smearing the character of one or both of the people behind their backs. This enables the abuser to preserve their false image and ensures they’re viewed positively among the triangle. In many instances, the abuser will portray themselves as the victim, especially if they feel their partner is growing tired or aware of their manipulation, hypocrisy, and abuse. The abuser will react by planning their partner’s discard by starting a full-fledged smear campaign behind their back. So by the time they dump their partner, the abuser already has a circle of blind supporters.

The abuser will usually seek supporters that he/she knows will always agree with them no matter what. This is how they set up their partner to look like the abuser in the relationship long before the relationship is over. For this to work, the abuser must keep the supporter(s) and partner from sharing information, so the abuser will usually share mean comments each has said about the other.

The abuser uses this triangulation tactic to control the information shared between the parties providing the abuser with the power of being the primary contact person and transferer of information. Since everyone is communicating through the abuser and not with each other, the abuser can further their agenda by relaying their spin on the information between the parties.

The Pre-Discard and Dump:

When the abuser is about to break up the relationship they will confide in people who they know will agree with them and believe their rendition of the truth. Sometimes they will confide in people who hardly even know their partner, if at all. The abuser will make sure to let their partner know that they have been confiding in other people, and every single one of them agrees with the abuser. Most likely, one of the abuser’s confidants will assume the role of the replacement partner.

After the break-up, the abuser will openly brag about how happy they are with their new partner or make social media posts about it. And if their ex-partner acts jealous or tries to beg them back, the abuser will enjoy the new bonus love-triangle of their own creation. Abuser’s do this to always look good, happy, or like they’re doing their best while trying to tear you down.

Enticing the victim back or Hoovering: Is trying to use any means to get the victim to come back to the relationship. Threats, intimidation, guilt-tripping, love-bombing, enticing, making false promises of change, anything.

Blame-shifting: The victim is held responsible for the harm they suffered. The victim brought it all upon themselves and the manipulator is in no way responsible for their actions. The victim made all the choices which brought them trouble or pain regardless of how much they were manipulated into doing so. The goal is to put the victim on the defense which makes them look and feel guilty while simultaneously masking the manipulator's malicious intentions.

An abuser will blame-shift everything, even the littlest mistakes they’ve made, making themselves out to be perfect beings with no faults or flaws - obviously this disrupts the relationship and causes fights when there’s no accountability on the abusers end whatsoever.

Abuse by Proxy (or Flying Monkeys): This is when the abuser will enlist their friends or people to come after the victim and attack the victim, abuse the victim, or intimidate the victim. Abusers befriend abusers, abusers support abusers. This stage is usually after the break-up when the abuser is trying to get their “revenge” on you.

Love Bombing: Is an attempt by the manipulator to influence a person by lavish demonstrations of attention and affection. The manipulator appeals to the target’s vanity and insecurity. Their interest in the victim will be extreme once they have found their target and their “love” for the victim will be incredibly intense. Its purpose is to override the target’s critical thinking skills so that the abuser can control and manipulate. Essentially they will gain control over their victim by making their emotional state dependent on the manipulator. The abuser will act closer to you than they are given they only just met you, bomb you with loving gestures and affection which gets you easily attached (not real love).

Devaluing: This is the part of the cycle where the abuser does the complete opposite of love-bombing, they may rage, put down the victim or use any means to make the victim feel unloved. Relationships with psychological abusers are very black and white, it goes from love to hate in an instant and back again. Mental whiplash some people call it.

Gaslighting

Is a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity. Typically this undermines the victims support group carried out by a combination of other tactics synthesized into a large scale attack on said victim. Making the victim deny the reality they know to be true. Often the abuser is sure of themselves and the victim since the beginning of the relationship has been in a constant state of confusion and questioning themselves. There are many types of gaslighting and ways to gaslight.

Physical Gaslighting. You see this in the 1944 movie Gaslight. The gaslighter will physically, and ever so slightly, distort your surroundings repeatedly and deny repeatedly that anything has changed. In the movie the man is slightly turning down the gas-light in their bedroom a bit dimmer and when his wife asks if the lighting has changed, he denies it and calls her crazy. He does this constantly to get the outcome he wants from his victim.

Emotional Gaslighting. This obviously uses non-physical means to gaslight the victim. Ofen making the victim believe things about themselves that aren't true, like making them out to be the abuser for example. Denying events from the past (days, weeks, years) happened a certain way that the victim remembers it happening and calling the victim crazy, delusional, mentally ill, or telling the victim they are dreaming, manipulative and making stuff up. The abuser then asserts their rendition of the truth and a lot of the time adding details that never happened and asserting that they happened.

Minimization: This is denial coupled with gaslighting. The manipulator asserts that their behavior isn't really as harmful or irresponsible as someone else may be claiming. Often times down playing the behavior by comparing it to others, "He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone," or such logic may be present. The goal is to make a molehill out of a mountain, thus letting the manipulator continue the abusive behavior, or at least escape much of the guilt. They act like they don’t see the impact their actions have on others, sometimes they really don’t see it because they’re not reflecting on things they don’t care about.

Amplification: The manipulator will shout out your failures and whisper your successes. Any limelight the victim deserves will be diminished. Their accomplishments will go unnoticed and their shortcomings will be broadcast far and wide. The goal is to drain the victim of the energy to be successful, to make them doubt themselves, so that the manipulator can be the center of attention at all times while belittling the victim.

Emotional Blackmail: Knowing that someone close to them wants love, approval or confirmation of identity, and self-esteem, manipulators will threaten to withhold the emotional support the victim desires or needs, or even take it away altogether, making the person feel that he or she must meet the demands of the manipulator. The goal is to ensure that the victim feels afraid to cross them, obligated to give them their way, or guilty if they resist.

I’ve also seen this in terms of witchcraft/black magick in which the abuser will insist demons or gods have been used to help get revenge on the victim as a kind of deluded “divine retribution” against the victim. I’ve surprisingly heard a lot of stories of people’s abusers using black magic as a threat to their victims. This is blackmailing. All in all, wanting to do vengeful or abusive things using magic to make oneself feel more powerful is a huge red flag.

Monitor and Stalk: The manipulator is always present, lurking behind the victim's back, or from a good safe distance, keeping an eye on him or her. It is common for them to monitor the victim's computer or phone, and even use surveillance equipment in order to follow the person's every move. The goal here is simple: maintain knowledge of everything the victim says and does, their coming and going, and who they know. Check your vehicles for tracking devices, they can be under the car, behind a license plate, in the engine blending in, in the wheel well, or behind one of the tires, in the trunk, or even inside the car under the seats or under the dashboard area.

Personality Traits/Patterns

Vindictiveness: This is a disturbed personality trait that all psychological abusers possess. They are extremely revenge-prone, incredibly abusive with their revenge, and often entitled and self-righteous with their revenge. They believe they have a right to abuse the victim that they perceive as deserving of abuse. Often perceiving things in a cognitively distorted manner (research terms: cognitive distortions, distorted object relations).

Deceitfulness:

Public and Private Personas: Psychological abusers are notoriously known for having a public personality that they may show around school, their unaware friends and family, and a private personality that they unleash who they really are around other abusers or victims of theirs. Victims and other abusers are the only ones that see their private personas.

Tracfones and aliases: An alias is a fake name and identity they go by to get away with their abusive behaviors. Tracfones are also known to be used to get away with crime.

Charm: Charming behavior is used obviously to charm people and get people to like the abuser. Abusers are typically good at charming anybody they come across because it also helps hide their abusive personality.

Cognitive Distortions. A cognitive distortion is an exaggerated or irrational thought pattern. Cognitive distortions are thoughts that cause individuals to perceive reality inaccurately. Abusers rely on cognitive distortions to justify bad or aggressive behavior. One example of how they distort reality is mislabeling a person as stupid or useless because they don’t know what the abuser knows; this is a pathetic attempt for the abuser to lift their self-esteem by feeling superior to others. Another example of a cognitive distortion is mislabeling a person's identity we see this with:

Distorted Object Relations. The abuser tends to relate to others primarily as objects to satisfy their own needs and desires, rather than seeing them as unique individuals with their own feelings and perspectives.

Victim Complex. The abuser is a perpetual victim and sees themselves as victimized when they often are not being victimized. They enjoy taking on a masochistic role where they perceive themselves as being attacked or offended where there is no offense in reality, giving them ample opportunity to perceive the real victim as the bad guy so they can cause chaos and drama to fuel their abuser-supply. The cycle of abuse is called the cycle of abuse for a reason; they cannot get out of the victim role.

Pompous, Pretentious, Posers and Fake. They cannot be anything but arrogant, liars, exaggerators, making up almost everything about their character to portray themselves as a certain person, or with a certain job or degree or having certain relationships or status that they don’t actually have. We see this in a lot of famous DV cases such as “Dirty John” on Netflix which is a true story of a woman and her daughter’s DV case. We also see this with murderer, Brian Blackwell, who tried to keep his facade of a character he wasn’t up to the point where he snapped and murdered his parents, all over the fact that he was fake and needed to upkeep his perfect image to his girlfriend. Lies are a red flag. Slight exaggerations are a red flag.

Foreshadowing. This is when the abuser plays mind games or drops hints that they’re abusive (it is also a way to shift blame onto you for accepting the abuse and to gaslight you or intimidate you because they “warned you about how they are” when the relationship started.)

Crisis situations. If they have an addiction for example, which is the common one I always hear about, they’ll constantly use it to keep you smothered in their presence, there for them, ect. they will “accidentally” leave pills or a needle where they know you’ll find them so you freak out/stress and so you can be there for them. This is also a part of smothering/enmeshment. Abusers don’t know the difference between their responsibility and yours. If you’re going away on vacation, if you’re going out with friends, if you’re doing anything by yourself or with loved ones and the abuser will immediately have a crisis situation for you to come back running to them or else “you don’t care about them” because you aren’t taking care of their responsibilities.

Framing. They will frame the perfect story over the course of years or decades depending on how long you knew the abuser for. I call this simply “framing”. It’s when the abuser frames you for specific problems or for abuse from the very beginning of when the relationship first started.

Double Bind: In the manipulator's eyes the victim is damned if they do and damned if they don't. Regardless of which choice is picked the manipulator will always point out that the person should have picked the other. This may be accompanied by remarks such as "Well if you had done this I would have done something great for you, but forget about it now." The goal here is to beat the victim down psychologically and emotionally, in order to make him or her question and doubt their own intuition and judgment.

Double-Mindedness: The manipulator seeks the double advantage of being able to do wrong, of being able to have their will, of letting their passions rage, and the hypocritical advantage of seeming to be good, helpful, or supportive. In short, double-mindedness is to say one thing and do another, to do unto others what they are not willing to be done unto them. The manipulator can only accomplish said task by engaging in the self deception of doublethink.

Doublethink: To know and not to know, to be conscious of complete truthfulness while telling carefully constructed lies, to hold simultaneously two opinions which canceled out, knowing them to be contradictory and believing in both of them, to use logic against logic, to repudiate morality while laying claim to it, to forget whatever it was necessary to forget, then to draw it back into memory again at the moment when it is needed, and then promptly to forget it again, and above all, to apply the same process to the process itself.

Hurt and Rescue: A drowning person will clutch at a straw, so push them in the water, then throw them a rope. Hurting the other person does not necessarily mean physical harm and it may not even mean making them feel bad, but it does mean creating a situation that they want to resolve. The goal is to get the victim to play into the manipulator's hands so they can rush to their “rescue” only to trick the victim into trusting, believing, or becoming dependent upon them. The abuser sets up a problem, the victim is hurt, then the abuser rushes to their rescue as the hero.

Covert Aggressive Abuse: Insults are disguised as teachings, helping, giving advice, and offering solutions. The manipulator makes them appear as a sincere attempt to help, especially to others. This can also be followed by put-downs, and disappointment from the manipulator and anyone else who they have convinced of the victim's inferiority. The goal is to belittle, control, and demean the victim while covering up the appearance of wrongdoing on the manipulators behalf.

Setting up to Fail: The manipulator puts their victim in such a state of stress, or stressful situation, that failure is almost certain, wherein the outcome can be used as ammunition to discredit and blame the victim. This can be done covertly as well, using sabotage or undermining an objective that may otherwise have been achievable. This type of manipulation may be the projection of the bully's own feelings of inadequacy onto the victim.

Moving the Goalpost: When the manipulator has control of the situation they will redefine the victim's goals, in reality, to intentionally devise a way so as to assure that an athlete, for example, will ultimately never be able to finally achieve the ever shifting goals. Depending on how this is done the goal may be to humiliate the victim, keep them preoccupied so as to accomplish nothing else with their time, or to simply wear them out.

Brandishing Anger: The manipulator puts on an act of furious explosive anger, verbal abuse, or physical threats. If the victim is in a trance or has previously been manipulated by the abuser, with just one incident of such behavior the victim can become conditioned and trained to avoid upsetting, confronting or contradicting the manipulator ever again. The goal is to establish dominance or superiority, and complete and unquestionable compliance, over victims through fear.

Brainwashing: Also referred to as heart washing, is the act of changing a person's mind or heart by using extreme mental or emotional pressure or abuse. This is typically done when the victim is extremely outmatched by their manipulator either mentally, physically, economically, or socially. This can be achieved a number of ways but usually the victim is in a situation they feel they can’t escape, and will involve several tactics simultaneously. The goal is to convince the victim into believing their viewpoints about life, believing their view of certain people or a specific person, or something else and that the victim needs to be realigned to the viewpoint of the manipulator.

Silent Treatment: The manipulator refuses to communicate and uses emotional and/or physical withdrawal as punishment. This is to convey contempt and communicate that the person is not worthy of the manipulator's acknowledgement. The goal is to render the victim powerless to change the current situation and induce feelings of abandonment or rejection. If the manipulator withdraws emotionally the victim can become love starved for their affection/attention.

This is different from Gray Rock which is a technique victims in abusive relationships can use to not engage with the manipulative person in their life. You’re doing it to avoid gaslighting, fights and the feeling like you’re going off your marbles, whereas the abuser uses the silent treatment as a way to gain power and control over you, usually because they’re pissed you’re not doing what they want.

Roles in a household

Scapegoating. Manipulators subject the "whipping boy" to constant negative treatment and blame they don't deserve. Manipulators unconsciously project their own unwanted feelings and problems onto the victim. The punishment which the scapegoat has to endure is a direct projection of the manipulator's own insecurities. Scapegoating is a deliberate act of torment against another person for the cathartic pleasure of the manipulator and their cohorts. The scapegoat is often blamed for all the problems that arise, they are most likely to have DARVO used against them (they are blamed to be the abuser by one or multiple abusive family members). A lot of the times when abusive parents (or even other family members) don’t want to take accountability for their mistakes they regret or don’t want people to know about, everybody can dump their projections and insecurities onto the scapegoat.

Golden Child. This is the kid who is looked at as the perfect extension of the manipulative parent(s). They fit the role of being perfectly exploited by a parent that seeks attention, adulation, and success. This child is used for the parents' need for a perfect image. This is usually the sibling that becomes the most successful but not always. They are typically the favorite kid.

Invisible Child. Usually completely ignored. The parents (and sometimes siblings are manipulated to do the same) never speak to this kid, and may genuinely completely ignore their existence. If there are 5 members of the immediate family and it is dinner time, the parents might put down 4 plates at the table, not call them to dinner and have dinner with everybody else, just to further control and ignore the invisible child. A lot of people's situations will be different in how they experience the role. This is one example.

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manicplank · 1 month

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Got blood work for the first time and almost passed out even though I’m not scared of needles. Soooo……what’s everyone’s reaction to getting a needle?

I can deal with needles (I've had blood work a million times bc chronic illness), but IVs are where I draw the line.

Anyways,

Needle reactions

Peppino: He HATES needles. Just the sight of them makes him feel faint. When he got vaccinated as a kid, he SCREAMED and cried. As an adult, he will pass out.

Gustavo: He doesn't like needles, but he can handle them well. As long as he doesn't look, he can pretend someone is just pinching his arm.

BONUS Brick: He DESPISES needles. Gustavo took him to the vet to get his vaccinations, and well... It didn't go well. The vet's office was in shambles. Brick screamed and jumped off the walls. He had to be sedated.

Mr. Stick: He hates needles. He can't even look at them. He will wiggle and squirm when he feels it. He panics and hyperventilates. He might even vomit.

Pepperman: Needles don't bother him too much. He hardly feels them since he's so large. They're annoying as they feel like a splinter.

The Vigilante: He's unfazed by needles. He doesn't feel them. He has a great pain tolerance since cheeslimes don't have many nerves.

The Noise: He's not afraid of needles. It's a tiny poke to him. It's a bit annoying when he gets blood work since he can feel the needle under his skin. However, he thinks it's neat to see the blood come out. (You know what he does hate, though? Tazers. Electric shocks.)

Noisette: She's terrified of needles. The Noise has to come and hold her hand (which she squeezes so hard it almost breaks). She will scream and cry and try to run. Once it's done, she goes, "Oh, that wasn't so bad!" Yet she's still horrified every time.

Fake Peppino: Needles don't hurt him. They actually sort of tickle! He has an incredible pain tolerance. They're not scary. He doesn't understand why people freak out over them.

Pizzahead: He's not necessarily afraid of needles, but he HATES the way they feel. It's a dull, nagging, pinching feeling. He doesn't have many nerves, and his pain tolerance is high, but the feeling of needles drives him mad.

Pillar John: Needles don't do anything. You can try to give him a shot, but the needle will break. He's made of rock, so... Yeah. Doesn't work.

Gerome: Same as John. They don't scare him. He thinks other people being terrified of them is hilarious. They're so tiny, it can't be that bad.

#pizza tower #noise #the noise #headcanon #noisette #pizzahead #peppino #peppino spaghetti #fake peppino #pepperman #the vigilante #mr. stick #pillar john #pizza tower gerome #pizza tower gustavo #brick the rat

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bluejaysandblackbats · 1 month

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Phantom Grin

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam

Summary: Bruce Wayne visits his son's grave on the night of his resurrection. Will it change Jason's fate, or is it all simply inevitable?

Chapters: 2/?

Characters: Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Alfred Pennyworth, Barbara Gordon, Tim Drake, Cassandra Cain

Relationship(s): Jason Todd/Original Character

Additional Tags: Canon Divergent AU, Jason Todd Has Chronic Pain, Jason Todd is Disabled, Barbara Gordon is Oracle, Resurrected Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne is Bad at Communicating, Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne Get Along

Chapter Two: Tresses

Jason struggled wordlessly as the hospital's nurses tried to restrain him. He felt weak and dizzy, but he had to escape. "Let him go! Let him go! I've got him!" Bruce hollered, "It's okay." He grabbed Jason by the shoulders, and Jason sat still, hyperventilating as tears fell from his eyes. "Look at me. It's alright. I know this is scary, and I know you don't know where you are, but I need you to stop fighting them." Jason couldn't remember anything or anyone, but he knew that Bruce was safe. Jason lay back down and let the nurses put the soft restraints on. Dick stood a ways back, watching. Bruce let Jason hold onto his fingers. "Bruce," Dick whispered. Bruce pushed Jason's curls out of his face. "Bruce," Dick raised his voice. "What?" Bruce snapped. "He's awake? He's really awake," Dick whispered. Jason looked around the room and back at Bruce. "It's gonna be alright," Bruce whispered while a nurse gave Jason a sedative. "You're gonna go to sleep, but I'll be here when you wake up... I'm not going anywhere." Jason sank into the bed and relaxed. Bruce pulled Jason's blankets back up, and he took a deep breath. Bruce waited until the nurses were gone to speak to Dick. "Why don't I feel at ease?" Bruce asked. "Because it's real... He's really awake," Dick mumbled, "I'm gonna try to find him something to wear. I don't think he's gonna fit any of his old stuff." Bruce grabbed Dick's wrist. "Can you bring me something from Jason's room?" Bruce asked. Dick nodded, and Bruce whispered the words in his ear.

Dick nodded, and he was gone. Jason lay fast asleep for hours, and Bruce sat up, keeping watch. Tim came in through the window in his Robin costume. "He woke up... Jason woke up?" Tim asked. Bruce nodded. "You shouldn't—." "I know, I'm just here to drop off a gift. I've been carrying it around with me just in case Jason woke up... And he did. You gonna tell him?" Tim asked as he sat in the window. "I don't even know how much he understands... But I'll tell him when the time comes," Bruce whispered. Tim looked at Jason and cocked his head. "What?" "His hair... You can't even tell he's got a scar anymore," Tim whispered. Bruce tensed. "Sorry... I'll go—." "No, it's alright... I didn't want his hair cut while he was still-. I mean, I'll probably have it cut if that's what he wants," Bruce mumbled, "You know, I'm not gonna take this from you." "It's not up to you, B, but thanks," Tim replied before leaving out the window. Bruce frowned. Bruce sat with Jason in silence until the sun came up, and Jason woke up again. He tried to move his arms in the restraints, and he whimpered. "No, no, it's okay. It's alright," Bruce reassured him, "Here, you want me to let you loose?" Jason's breathing was quick and shallow as he started to cry. Jason looked at Bruce, and he wanted to speak, but he couldn't find words. He couldn't remember names or how he got there, but Jason could remember one thing, he hated being restrained. Bruce unbound one of Jason's hands, and as soon as his hand was free, he reached for his IV, and Bruce grabbed his hand. "No," Bruce whispered. Jason made a noise before seeing the stern look on Bruce's face. "No... I'm gonna let you out of the other one, and I'm gonna ask you a few questions. I know you're confused, so you can nod, yes or shake your head, no," Bruce explained. Jason lay back and closed his eyes while Bruce let his other arm loose. Silence fell between the two, and Jason stared at Bruce. "Do you know my name?" Jason shook his head. "Do you wanna see if the doctor will let me take you out for a little walk today when Dick gets back with your clothes?" Bruce asked. Jason didn't answer. "Do you remember your name?" Jason shook his head, and he reached for Bruce's hand. Bruce took it in his. Dick knocked on the door and entered the room. "Hey, good morning, Jason," Dick smiled. It was strange seeing Jason sitting up and looking around. Even stranger seeing his long wild curls and his big blue eyes curiously searching around the room. It was as if Jason was lost. Dick pulled a sweater out of a plastic bag. "See, I got you a few things to wear." Jason let go of Bruce's hand before he pointed to his IV. Dick nodded. "I'll wait and see if the doctors take them out... But if you're okay today, they should let you..." Bruce whispered Dick's name to Jason, and Jason nodded. Jason touched Dick's hand, and Dick let go of the sweater and shook Jason's hand. Jason didn't let go. Dick smiled uncomfortably, and Jason let go. "Do you want to see yourself?" Dick asked as he pulled out a mirror, and Jason caught a glimpse of himself. He pulled at his curls. They bounced back when he let go. "Yeah, your hair's gotten pretty long. You want it cut?" Jason shook his head. One of the nurses came in to check Jason's vitals, and he kept his eyes trained on Bruce, who had since grabbed his hand again. "Hi, Jason... I'm Nurse Mallory," she introduced herself. Jason wouldn't look at her. "Jason, can you say my name." Jason made the sound for the first letter of her name, but he couldn't push himself farther than that. Jason frowned. "That's okay." Bruce squeezed Jason's hand, and Dick made a soft noise. She asked a few other questions and gave a few commands. Jason grew agitated and shut his eyes. He wanted to tell her to stop asking him to do things. Jason just wanted to be with his people, Bruce and Dick. He didn't know them, but he knew Dick was kind and that Bruce was... safe.

#fic #phantom grin fic #batfam #Jason Todd #Bruce Wayne #Dick Grayson #Alfred Pennyworth #Barbara Gordon #Tim Drake #Cassandra Cain #Jason Todd/Original Character #Canon Divergent AU #Jason Todd Has Chronic Pain #Jason Todd is Disabled #Barbara Gordon is Oracle #Resurrected Jason Todd #Bruce Wayne is Bad at Communicating #Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne Get Along

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