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youreobsessedwithtoomanyfandoms · 5 months

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Love Thorns All Over This Rose

Words: 2577

Warnings: angst, talks of a miscarriage, body image, talks of difficulty staying pregnant, mention of what is technically a still-birth, depression, suicidal thoughts, self-medicating, accidental suicide attempt (this is will make sense if you read it), probably poor writing and OOC characters but whatever

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IF THERE IS A WANT FOR A PART 2, I WILL DO ONE, IF NOT, THEN THIS STAYS AS A ONE-SHOT!

I mention Y/N goes to a church to pray, it is described more as a Christian or Catholic one (I really don't know the difference and I apologize) as she lights a candle before she prays. If you wish to skip that part, it starts with "Y/N hurried up the steps of the Cathedral." and ends with "Y/N nodded silently before turning and walking out.". I do also mention that the reader themselves aren't very religious (but grew up with it so reverted back to old practices to see if it helped)

Alfred is also dead in this (don't ask why he just is) so that's why he isn't here!

The POV here isn't really consistent. It jumps between being with the Batkids, Bruce, and Y/N's. I tried to make it flow though so hopefully that works!

I feel like I should mention:

Bruce and Y/N's ages don't matter (I'm not in the mood to deal with that) but; Dick is 31 (and married to Kori but that's not too important), Jason is 25, Tim is 22, Damian is 15, Cass is 24, and Steph is 23

I also am not too familiar with Duke, so that is why he isn't there much. Mostly just mentioned

Anywho, enjoy

Love Z <3

7:25 AM

The kids watched as Y/N was silent as she put the plate down in front of Bruce's empty seat. They all noted how fake her smile looked as she looked up at them. "Alright, I will see you kids later!"

They all watched as she walked out of the dining room and once they knew she was out of earshot, they started talking.

"Did she eat anything?"

It was Jason, he had been the last down (well...outside of Tim) so he only saw her putting the plates down and ushering them to eat.

Dick shook his head, he had seen her the entire time she made breakfast. Fully clothed, which was unusual as she usually just made breakfast in her pajamas with her hair occasionally brushed. But not today. Today her hair was done, makeup was on, she was dressed as if she was working.

But everyone in that house knew she was still off after what happened, even though it had been 3 months since the incident.

Damian flicked at his food, "Ummi was supposed to take me to school today."

Dick smiled at Damian, "I can, Dami. Mom is just...preoccupied."

Damian hmphed and continued to play with his food. Dick was concerned for his younger brother. He knew that while he himself was close with the woman he had allowed to become his mother, Damian was so much more as she was really the only person who never got mad at him or made fun of him when he didn't understand something.

Jason abruptly stood, "Since mom isn't here, I'm just gonna go."

Dick raised a brow, "Really Jason? You're just gonna leave after--"

"Hey, we've been over this before Dick. I come because mom asks me to." He shrugged as he put his jacket on, "Plus, I'm going to follow her."

Stephanie snorted, "She'll kill you when she catches you."

"If she catches me. If."

Steph hummed, "My bets are on she will. Y/N is always on the lookout, especially after..." She faded and looked down, regret piling up inside her as she thought of what she was about to say.

"Either way, tell us what you find Jason."

He nodded to Dick's request before heading out the side door in the kitchen. Dick tapped his hand on the table for a minute before speaking; "I'm gonna go check on dad, Damian go get everything ready and I'll meet you at the entryway, alright?"

The eldest stood, placing a gentle hand on the youngest shoulder before heading to the stairs. Dick was concerned. He had never seen his mother so...shut off. Pretending like everything was alright even though everyone who saw her could tell that she was so close to jumping off of a bridge.

The closest that he had seen her to this was back when Jason died and she broke up with Bruce. But even then, she didn't avoid things that she had already planned. Even then, she stayed committed to things.

Plus, Dick knew she had no plans today. Well...no plans except for the fact that beforehand this would have been her due date. And he knew that that was most likely what had off-set her so badly.

Dick didn't even knock before opening the door to Bruce's study. He was even speaking before his father even looked up from his computer. "Have you talked to mom?"

Bruce raised a brow, "What?"

"Mom." Dick crossed his arms, "When was the last time you and her had a real conversation?"

Bruce shrugged, "I'm not sure." He looked at Dick oddly, "What are you going on about?"

Dick let out a hard sigh, "You two are married, it is your job to take care of her. Goddammit Bruce!" He threw his hands up in anger, "You know what? Nevermind, I'm not...I'm not even going to try."

He angrily turned and walked out of the room. He didn't even understand why he even thought that talking to Bruce would help. He just walked down the stairs and remembered his promise to get Damian to school. Trying to hide the anxiety he had that he didn't know what exactly his mom was doing.

--------

9:09 AM

Jason watched Y/N walk out of the convenience store all the way in Blüdhaven. From where he was, he couldn't see what she had bought, but the moment he saw her go into the store, he had messaged Tim to watch her bank account. To watch what she was purchasing. Something felt...off as he watched her.

Jason knew that after the...accident, Y/N had been hard to reach. To talk to. He knew that she and Bruce hadn't been sleeping in the same bed since that argument he had accidently heard them having around 3 weeks after everything happened. So 4 weeks ago.

Granted...from what he had heard, it wasn't even a fight that they had had. Mostly just words being thrown at the other. Words that Jason never thought that he would hear either one say to the other. Words that he never told any of his siblings that he heard. All out of fear that one of them would panic. And while sure, he had a disdain for Tim and Damian, that didn't mean he would ever let either of them know what he had heard.

Jason wasn't sure how long he had been watching her just sit in the car before Tim finally texted him a list of what Y/N had bought in the past week. And considering Jason had seen her previous bank records for a week, it was a sure red mark with how short it was.

Tim

In the past week she's gotten a lot of sleeping pills. That's basically all that she has gotten. That plus energy and pain pills. Duke is thinking she's self-medicating again

Jason sighed as he pocketed his phone when he saw his mom driving out of the parking lot. He kept a safe distance behind her as he followed her on her drive back to Gotham.

--------

12:15 PM

Y/N hurried up the steps of the Cathedral. Trying not to make a misstep and fall as well as trying not to draw attention to herself. She closed the umbrella over her head as she walked in. Placing it in the small holder, she brushed the front of her outfit as her heels clicked on the ground when she walked down the long hall.

Last time she was there was for her mothers funeral last year. Last time she had walked up and grabbed the larger candle to dip down and light the smaller one. Her heart pounded in her chest as she kneeled, words swimming through her head and mumbling off her lips.

She herself was never very religious, but having grown up that way, she wondered if praying like she did as a child would work. Praying that things would get better and that she would get better.

She shakily did the cross on her before standing and wiping the tears that had silently fallen away from her cheeks. She turned and started to make her way out of the church when she heard a voice call out her name:

"Mrs. Wayne! We were not expecting you here today, is everything alright?"

Y/N slowly turned to face one of the Nuns, a small, fake, smile on her face. "Oh yes, everything is alright Sister. Just came here to pray for a moment. I haven't in such a long time."

The nun nodded, "Very well, I hope the Good Lord hears your prayer and makes it happen."

Y/N nodded silently before turning and walking out. She grabbed her umbrella before opening the door and walking out. She practically ran back to her car, wanting to get in before anyone saw her out.

But Cass and Steph did. They watched her speed back to her car as they sat in the cafe across the way. Stephanie shook her head, "She never goes there. Especially not since her mothers deaths."

Cass nodded as Steph continued; "Something is seriously going on with Y/N. Maybe something else has happened that we don't know."

"She's been deteriorating for the past 4 weeks."

Steph raised a bow and inquired, "4 weeks?" Cass nodded, "Huh...weird, that's around a week after she came home from the hospital." She grabbed her phone and started typing in the groupchat that only held the kids (Damian not included):

Steph

when did Bruce disappear for a few days after Y/N came home?"

It didn't take long for Tim to respond

logs say he left 35 hours after she got home and came back 83 hours later why?

Cass

She's been slowly getting worse sense then

Jason

I overheard them arguing around 3 weeks after everything happened and I know they haven't been sleeping in the same room since then. And I'm not sure how important this is; but Tim checked her bank account and she bought different pills so me, him, and Duke think she's medicating again. Or that she's going to start again.

Cass and Steph looked at each other, concern and worry was on their faces as they read Jason's last message. Something started unnerving them as they thought of the things she could possibly do if she was going to start medicating again.

----

3:25 PM

Y/N looked at her body in the mirror. Her hands came to lay on her stomach. Just like she did before. Tears brimmed in her eyes as she stared at her flatter stomach. She breathed shakily as her hands fell down to her sides.

Why?

Was all she ever asked.

Why me? Why did this happen to me?

She was so confused. She had always been good. Done everything to be a good person. But yet she still had that happen to her. Was she just not meant to be a mother?

Of course...she was one. She was a mother to 4 amazing boys and 1 beautiful girl. But still...it was different. Yes, those 5 children were hers, but that one. That singular one that she had carried for nearly 7 months had meant so much to her. Especially after being told time and time again it wouldn't happen.

It wasn't even the first time it had happened. She had had miscarriages before...but that wasn't what it was this time. The kidnapping. Bruce and the kids had found her after 2 days. The emergency c-section to save the baby.

But she knew. Of course she knew. She knew it had died.

Her baby girl. She had died before she even got the chance to live.

Y/N shakily breathed as she grabbed one of the bottles from the counter. She had thought it was the pain medication. But it hadn't been.

Sleeping meds.

Ever since it happened she had hardly been able to sleep. Nightmares of what happened still plagued her mind. Bruce yelling at her still echoed in her brain. Those...twisted words he said echoed inside of her.

She had popped a few in her mouth before dry-swallowing them and getting into the bath she had started earlier. The hot water felt like it was searing her skin, but she didn't care. She wondered if maybe she did this enough, whoever was above would forgive her of her sins and let her keep a pregnancy.

She wasn't sure how long she had stayed in the water before it became difficult to keep her head above water. Her body just felt so heavy. She wondered what pain meds she had grabbed at the store. She couldn’t remember them making her feel this way before. After a few moments of struggling to keep her head up, she felt her body sink down and under the water. But even as she felt water rush into her nose and fill her lungs, she couldn't bring herself to move and get out.

She just accepted her fate.

----

3:30 PM

Bruce sat in his office, a bad feeling settling in his stomach. Something was telling him to check on Y/N. See if she was alright. He knew she had returned around 20 minutes ago, the security cameras had caught her walking in.

He carefully stood from his desk and walked out of his office. He walked down the oddly quiet halls of the manor. A small feeling of pain and guilt started to eat at him as he got closer to the guest room she had been staying in. He knew she was struggling. He knew that she needed him today. But he just...couldn't.

He was selfish. He knew this.

He knew he was so goddamn selfish. Caring about his own feelings rather than helping his wife. She had been the one to physically go through everything. She had been the one to bear that trauma.

He had been so incredibly selfish since she had come home from the hospital. He had even begun to wonder why she even stayed in the manor.

But as he opened the door to the guest room, unrest settled inside him as he saw she wasn't there but the bathroom door was open. It was silent. He had known his wife long enough to know she never was silent in the bathroom. She almost always had music playing.

He pushed the bedroom door further open as he walked further in. Anxiety started to reach a breaking point as he walked into the bathroom.

And time felt like it moved in slow-motion as he saw her state. Her knees bent out of the water, her head under. He saw the three bottles of pills on the counter. He saw the open one read sleep on them. He ran over to the tub, grabbing under her arms and pulling her out.

He bent down, trying to listen for a heartbeat. He felt like his own heart stopped as he heard nothing. Not even a faint thump of one. He quickly moved to her side and started CPR.

Everything still felt like it was moving slower than it was as he pushed down on her sternum. Tears gathered in his eyes as he repeatedly slammed down onto her. As he breathed into her mouth. He didn't stop. He couldn't stop.

It felt like an eternity had passed by the time he finally had gotten the CPR to work. She began to cough profusely, water spluttering everywhere. He sobbed as he heard her shallow breaths break through the air.

He heard the noise of Dick's voice breaking. "Mom?"

He looked at him, seeing both him and Damian staring at the scene in front of them. Staring as their father held their mother in his arms. As tears fell from his eyes, he pleaded for them to call 911.

It was with shaky hands that Dick did it. His words sounded choked back, he kept stuttering. Trying to say what he was supposed to but his mind was running at a million miles and and half a mile a second at the same time. Everything felt fuzzy and he had no idea what he was supposed to do. All that he knew was that he walked in on his dad doing CPR on his mom.

That was all he knew.

That was all Dick knew.

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deathmetalunicorn1 · 7 months

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Hi, can I request RoR? In Philippine Mythology?

Human Reader, a single mother of quadruplets, 2 boys and 2 girls, look like normal human babies, but if harm/hurt their loving human mother, they'll turn into a Tiyanak…

In Philippine mythology: The Tiyanak is a vampiric creature in Philippine mythology that takes on the form of a toddler or baby. Although there are various types, it typically takes the form of a newborn baby and cries in the jungle to attract unwary travelers. Once it is picked up by an unfortunate passerby, it reverts to its true form and attacks the victim. The tiyanak is also depicted to take malevolent delight in leading travelers astray, or in abducting children…

Various speculations on how Tiyanaks came to be range from babies born dead in the forest to the Catholic-influenced unbaptized stillborn infants, and later extended to vengeful murdered infants and aborted fetuses…

In local belief, various countermeasures are supposedly effective against the tiyanak. Those that were led astray by the creature's cries are believed to be able to break the enchantment by turning their clothes inside out. The tiyanak finds the method humorous enough to let go of the traveler and go back to the jungles. Loud noises such as a New Year's celebration are also thought to be enough to drive the tiyanak away from the vicinity. Objects believed to repel Aswang (vampiric shape-shifters), like garlic and the rosary rosemary are also commonly believed to be effective against the tiyanak. It's also believed that giving a name to these lost souls will bring them peace, and offering a white candle will help guide their spirit to the afterlife…

Reader's story goes like this: (You may change it if you want)

She's living in an abusive/forced marriage, she's been mistreated/used by her own family & by her husband and his family, who's rich or from a higher social hierarchy than her family, and no one can help her…

When she finds out she's pregnant, even though she's carried the children who she hates and gets mistreated by, she loves them, and she plans to raise her kids, & to escape far away from the people who mistreat her…

When she finally escapes while pregnant, she knows the risks and she'll do everything to keep her babies safe, as she's running away, her family and her husband are after trying to stop her even by shooting at her…

When she's in the wooded area (forest/jungle), trying to hide but she's caught by her husband, and he proceeded to hurt/beat her until she didn't move, her husband thought he kill her and then he leaves her bleeding…

As she is about to lose her conscious, she saw her bleeding from her legs, and she thought that her babies are dead and it's her fault and pleads to whoever is out there to save her babies, she's mourning & saying sorry to her babies & that she's a bad mother, as she loses her conscious, she saw a blur two figures coming towards…

She woke up in a house and thought that her babies are dead. a woman came to her, comforting Reader that she and the babies are well (which Reader is about to lash out) and the husband came and saw he struggling to carry 4 crying babies, that they look exactly like Reader, and he gave the babies back to Reader and Reader crying that her babies are fine…

As she recovers, she's found out that her babies did die and then became a Tiyanak and also founds out that the couples, who helped her & her babies, are mythical creatures (the Man's Syokoy and Woman's Sirena from Philippine Mythology) and they're are others or residents lives nearby and they're from the Philippine Mythology, like Kapre, Tikbalang, Duwende, & even some hostile/neutral, like Mananangal or aswang…

As she's lives and adapts to her new home and in motherhood to her babies and some mythical residents, they became friends and almost like family, as they taught her anything to do/learn (household, survival, etc.) including some mythical creatures, they became caring & protective & willing to do anything for Reader and her kids' safety and home…

One day, Reader meets (character) through her children as he's wandering around, then he and Reader get along with each other, as he and her kids are getting along as well and they consider him as their dad and the Mythical creatures met him, they get along (as they threatened him if he hurt Reader and/or her babies)…

Then Reader's abusive husband & family came back to a wooded area, where Reader and her babies live, going to destroy it for their business plan, when they're about to start it, the husband/family saw Someone, thought it's Reader, but their stopped by something else, by (character) & some mythical creatures that reside at the wooded area, in there unseen/invisible form, using their abilities to stop them and made them to never come back…

Yandere: Adamas, Beezelbub, Hades, Shiva (w/ his wives & son), Rudra, Loki, Buddha, Hercules

-The pain you bore is one that you never wanted your babies to carry the pain of abuse from your cruel husband and his family, who believed that you were basically a slave, not caring if you carried his children or not.

-You didn’t love your husband, but you loved your babies, despite them being in your belly still, and you didn’t want them to be born into pain. You had thought about killing yourself and killing them many times, so they would be safe, not caring about your own life.

-You had a chance, only once, to run and you took it, running deep into the forest, clutching your aching and bruised body, wounds old and new flaring from the strain.

-You felt yourself slip down a shallow ravine and your heart leapt to your throat and that’s all you remembered before everything went black.

-When you awoke, a man and a woman, kind people, were there for you, and your hands immediately went to your belly, a gasp leaving you, “My babies!” you went to stand but her hand was firm but gentle on your shoulder, keeping you down.

-The man disappeared for a moment as the woman sat beside you on the bed, “Your babies are safe, as are you.” Your eyes widened before her husband reappeared, holding four squirming babies, struggling to do carry them all as tears of relief welled in your eyes.

-Your babies all seemed to immediately settle down once in your arms as you wept quietly, peppering their faces with kisses, thanking your two saviors over and over again.

-The couldn’t help but smiling, sharing a small glance between the two of them, happy to see that you were all right. You looked up at them, holding your babies close, “Thank you for saving my babies! Thank you both so much!”

-You were confused as their faces fell and the woman took her seat next to you again, petting your hair gently, “Y/N, your babies didn’t make it. They are Tiyanak now.” Your eyes went wide in surprise, hearing this, as you looked down at your babies, but you didn’t care, you just smiled, pressing more kisses onto their heads.

-The man introduced himself and told you that he was a Syokoy, and the woman was a Sirena, both creatures of myth and legend, just as your babies were now, and that the five of you were now safe in their little village, a village of other mythological creatures, leaving you the only human.

-You were hesitant, but those around you didn’t really bother with you, as they had learned of your past, learned of the abuse from your family and what you did to escape, putting yourself and your babies at risk, but they respected you, seeing you as a mother wanting to keep her babies safe.

-There were some creatures in this village that warned you only once to keep your distance from them, which you respected, and in turn they left you be, despite their aversion to humans.

-Your babies were quick to grow, much faster than normal babies, but they always remained close to you, making sure you were safe and your new friends allowed you to live alongside them, building you a house and in turn they taught you how to hunt and survive, so you could provide for yourself and your children.

-You weaved baskets for the members of your village, giving back to them in any way you could, as you wanted to repay their kindness in letting you stay safe, and many admired you for that, seeing your kind heart, you weren’t like other humans.

-It was two years later when your children, who could change their forms to look like babies or like five-year-olds, came back pulling a new friend. Initially you were scared, as you were always terrified your family would come back for you.

-However, this wasn’t a human, this was a god, as Sirena was able to confirm this. You were respectful but a little nervous being in the presence of a god, but he was nothing but kind to you, seeing you for what you truly were, a scared and damaged woman, but a woman who would work hard and do anything to provide for her family.

-He was so gentle with your children, playing with them and you slowly relaxed, sitting with him and just like your children, he was quick to befriend you as well.

-He was nothing like your husband or his family, he was so kind to you, treating you like you were delicate, but also treating you with respect. You later learned from your babies that they and many of the other citizens of your village had threatened him, daring him to try anything ill willed against you.

-(Love) learned from your babies and your friends about your past, learning how cruelly you had been treated and how you ran and now working to provide for your family while living alongside creatures that nobody would probably ever see, unless if they were die immediately after, leaving no witnesses.

-This drove (Love) to be a bit more protective of you, accompanying you when you went into the forest to forage for herbs, fruits, and nuts, being on guard while you weren’t safe in the village, something your children noticed.

-It took some time for you to open up, as you were terrified at the thought of being in a relationship again, as you didn’t want a repeat of what happened, but there was something about (Love), you could tell that he would never hurt you, or your children.

-You were in the forest, (Love) and your children nearby, playing as you were collecting some berries when a twig snapped and you heard a voice you never wanted to hear again, “Y/N?! Where have you been?”

-You looked up in horror, seeing your ex-husband and his family and many other humans, going through the forest as they were looking for areas to clear out to build a new business.

-You had no time to think or run, but you didn’t have to, as (Love) immediately ran forward, scooping you up into his arms, turning you and tossed you into Sirena’s arms and she disappeared into the forest with you.

-You clung to her, tears in your eyes, “My babies- where are my babies?” she shushed you, making it back to the village that now seemed eerily empty, everyone had rushed to where you had been moments prior, hearing your babies sound out the alarm.

-She held you close, trying to calm you, “(Love) and my husband are with them, they will all be safe.” You sniffled softly, remaining on guard until your babies flew into the village, “Mama!”

-You melted, accepting their hug, holding them close as (Love) and the others all returned, all looking quite pleased with themselves. You didn’t want to ask, but (Love) saw your curiosity and he just gave you a small smile, “They’ll never bother you again, and they will never enter this forest again.”

-You thanked him and he just smiled, tapping his cheek for a kiss for payment, which made you giggle and you gave him one before your children shoved him out of the way, telling you they wanted kisses too, which made you laugh softly.

-You would never find out the truth of your ex-family ‘never coming back’, you just thought they had been scared and would never enter the forest again, that wasn’t true, but they would all keep that secret, to keep you safe.

-You were so unique, especially for a human, but he adored you for that, and seeing what a kind and gentle mother you were, it wasn’t hard to fall for you. He can see your hesitance about getting closer, but he doesn’t mind waiting, he’s got all the time in the world and is happy to wait for you at your own pace. Loves your children, finds them funny, mischievous, but very sweet and protective of you, and he has no issues become their new father figure if that is what you wish, because he knows your children will side with you, no matter what, but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t help him sway your opinion a bit. Respects you and demands others, mainly other humans, to do the same, as he knows those in the village you live in, while all of them may not like you, they at least respect you because you respect them.

-Hercules, Rudra, Shiva, Loki, and Buddha

-Had absolutely no issues getting rid of your ex-family, he did it himself personally, wanting to make sure it was done and make sure that all the suffering you had to endure was given back to them, ten-fold. He adores you, finding you fresh and full of life, but not annoying, you are a light in his life and he wants to protect that light, and he has no issues doing whatever he needs to do to make sure that happens. Adores you and your children, respects you about your aversion to entering into a relationship, but he has no issues showing you how safe you would be with him but isn’t pushy, he wants you to come to him. He finds your children charming and doesn’t mind them in the slightest and quite enjoys being a father figure to them, as he shows you that subtly as well, showing you that he’s a provider for them.

-Adamas, Beelzebub, and Hades

#record of ragnarok #ror x reader #ror heracles #ror rudra #ror shiva #ror loki #ror buddha #ror adamas #ror beelzebub #ror hades

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tackypies · 26 days

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do you ever think about how, in the fateverse, dantes still looks so young - as if he hasn’t aged a day since he escaped chateau d’if - and do you ever think it may be bc the mythologie is keeping him unnaturally alive and youthful as its vessel. even when he's used up all of its power on roa, its effects still linger on him like a true curse

and no one suspects his true identity when he arrives in paris, because edmond dantes wouldn’t be such a young man. and when mercedes sees him, she alone recognizes him immediately. because that is the face she fell in love with and gave up on all those years ago. perhaps she believes this is the ghost of the man she'd given up on, come back to haunt her - why else would he appear so smooth-faced, as if he were still 19, at the prime of his life?

and perhaps the resentment that still lingers from the mythologie - the hatred of the the 14 treasures edmond had found - perhaps it's what drives him to do unspeakable acts of cruelty and what lends credence to the rumors of him as a vampire: his pale countenance, how his behavior and weariness belies an age far greater than the youthful appearance he carries, the secrecy with which he holds himself

how his eyes are no longer a human color, but something else

do you think that, as the book progresses, dantes begins to slowly emerge from the mythologie's influence and the full weight of what he's become sets into him? when he blinks and the haze of the damned's hatred clears from his eyes and he finds a dead child before him - and he realizes that his body's been warped and changed and will not revert even in the absence of the mythologie - that perhaps, he will continue living on for god knows how long, because he's been changed, he's no longer fully mortal, he's no longer a true man-

his despair at the end of the book, where he wants nothing but to die. do you think it's because he's come to the crushing realization of his revenge's consequences and his own altered form? that he's afraid he may have lost the ability to die, like the rumors of his vampiric nature claim? that there may be no redemption should he wait death obediently like the devoted catholic he is, that he will be made to suffer eternally without a tangible end, because he knows - despite all his years traveling and preparing - he has not aged a day past 19. he continues to defy time.

and that terrifies him.

anyway just food for thought

#fgo #fate grand order #edmond dantes #cw suicide ideation #cw child death

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stronghours · 10 months

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I get a lot of suggested catholic convert/revert housewives on my ig, occasionally protestants. This has usually been the case, in one form or another. they’re talking a lot now about “the time has come for women to learn to love being women” and “there is something blessed and sacred about a woman who cherishes her womanhood” and “now, more than ever, we need women who adore their womanly natures” and they’re too savvy and stuck in the guise of the gentle, dignified mother (because they’re all selling something - they’re selling aprons, recipes, homestead guides, homeschooling packages, etc) to outright mention this as the antithesis to chaotic transhood. they have these clips of themselves moving extremely slowly across their kitchens, loading up coffee - or moving extremely slowly, while they push on a pile dough - or moving extremely slowly and exaggeratedly as they sweep up a baby and raise it into the air as their phone is propped up ten feet or so away (they move so slow!). a couple years ago, only one or two of these ladies would be literally barefoot in their vids, and now all of them are.

they talk - because if they’re not selling a product, they’re selling their lifestyle in some way, because even if they’re disingenuous about the set dressing they want to spread their religion and reactionary views - about women in careers in this very outdated, very 80′s mode of “all women who work, and I when I worked, are/were powersuited shoulder padded corporate shorthairs with briefcases” insanely focused on their career growth and willing to mow down anyone in their way, including their own innocent families, if they managed to haphazardly produce one before the Lord spoke to them, or whatever. whether or not they sincerely believe this doesn’t matter, since they have to coach it in kindergarten terms for their audiences, who are insecure babies. when they talk about ‘slow, natural living’ it’s in antithesis to an also very outdated ‘keeping up with the joneses’ concept that I don’t think has been relevant for a long time - they talk a lot about ‘we gave up having the newest car, the biggest television, the most fashionable clothes, the fanciest toys, the most expensive vacations’ and women who never had that stuff to give up are falling for it. Even dismissing the idea of poverty, of not having enough money, giving up the idea of ‘women in men’s corporate jobs’, the idea that women are custodians, behind cash registers, in streets and sanitation, driving buses and trains, are elementary school teachers, work in laundromats, in daycares, that women unload flats and mulch in the garden centers where they buy the flowers for their garden, does not enter their reality. that women work MY current job does not enter their reality. they are selling a Pat-The-Bunny level of encompassed LIFE to people, and people want it?

#i've been thinking of how these fetishist bitches talk and see and explain #and it blows!

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daughterofmaryam · 2 years

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Me, single at 27 years old, seeing other people my age get married in the Church 🇻🇦✝️:

#roman catholic #catholic #catholic feminist #prolife catholic #catholic meme #catholicism #revert catholic #catholic memes #tokyo mew mew #catholic girl #catholic women

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blackswaneuroparedux · 9 months

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Genius is nothing other than the ability to retrieve childhood at will.

Charles Baudelaire

Is this all there is to art? A kind of solipsism? An inability to get past the egoism of infancy?

In Fellini’s masterpiece 8+1/2 the answer seems to lie with unraveling the mysterious phrase ‘Asa Miso Nasa’. Up front I will admit the film is not easy to follow as it doesn't really have a great plot and it does feel like episodic that gives it a disjointed look. But that doesn't mean there are no grand narratives underpinning it because there is.

The film, released in 1963, is about a movie director named Guido. His latest project has stalled before filming has even begun. Played by the incomparable Marcello Mastroianni, Guido is suffering from anxiety and creative block. It’s no wonder. He has sown chaos in his love life, and his creative indecision is producing near-mutinous levels of angst among actors, agents and crew. But all of this is mere surface tumult. Guido is haunted by something deeper. Something to do with . . . what? His parents, his childhood, the Catholic church? Feelings of shame and bliss? Death? All he has to answer his question is the phrase 'Asa Miso Nasa' to unlock answers but something he doesn't quite get.

In many ways ‘Asa Miso Nasa’ is a red herring, a sort of wild goose chase to nowhere. Like "Rosebud" in Orson Welles' Citizen Kane, or the madeleine in Marcel Proust's In Search of Lost Time, "Asa Nisi Masa" is a Hitchcockian ‘MacGuffin’ - a convenient object upon which the plot turns. In Fellini’s film it’s used as a gateway to crucial memories of the central character - even though it is itself peripheral to the central story.

Fellini’s answer is, I think, with his apprehension that the urge to make art is connected to a time in our lives when we were lifted and carried about, lowered into baths, tucked into bed; when we first used our lips to suck and to kiss; when we flapped our arms and kicked our legs; or when we danced without unrestrained joy. In other words, when we felt ourselves to be unique in our childhood.

Why should that be so? James Fenton, the great poet and critic, provided a plausible answer, even if he was writing about something else.

“Because,” wrote Fenton - and here comes the part that Guido, the anxious, grown-up filmmaker, must reckon with - “there follows the primal erasure, when we forget all those early experiences, and it is rather as if there is some mercy in this, since if we could remember the intensity of such pleasure it might spoil us for anything else. We forget what happened exactly, but we know that there was something, something to do with music and praise and everyone talking, something to do with flying through the air, something to do with dance.”

Something Fellini-esque, you might say.

Art is more than a pathetic desire to revert to childhood bliss. It’s true that the self-centredness of great artists - and by no means just male artists - is bound up with their desire to find again the treasure in the corner of the childhood bedroom, and the only sound is the children’s chant: “Asa Nisi Masa.” But what do all artists want if not to be understood.

But here we run into a problem. For all the attention artists seek, there is a kind of shame for them in being “understood.” Being “explained” is never more than an inch from being “explained away,” rendered redundant, losing the vital quality that makes one unique. Their egos can't handle that. So we can never judge beauty in art if we limit ourselves to just the life and meaning of an artist. If anyone ever says they don't like this art because of this artist was not nice or was abusive or held questionable beliefs then they are either illiterate fools or as shallow as the unfunny Hannah Gadsby is about Picasso.

There is much, much more to art, which, at its best, is always about transcending solipsism and reaching for beauty.

For Roger Scruton, the great philosopher of aesthetics, “Beauty is an ultimate value - something that we pursue for its own sake, and for the pursuit of which no further reason need be given. Beauty should therefore be compared to truth and goodness, one member of a trio of ultimate values which justify our rational inclinations,” Scruton developed a largely metaphysical aspect to understanding standards of art and beauty. For Scruton, the purpose of art is to save the sacred - the beautiful.

For Scruton, beauty is wrapped up in his view of the sacred. The sacred begins with the fundamental nature of man as an end, not merely a means - here childhood memories are a means not an end. Scruton then, is able to apply this concept of ends to beauty. The ability to place meaning on things is what gives man his sacredness and makes him an end unto himself. The sacred gives us a glimpse into eternity, and provides man with the cure to his temporal misery. In a manner almost Platonic, Scruton describes the sacred as pulling man out of the world of things and into the transcendental realm. It is an attempt not so much to find a glimpse of our childhood so much as to find Eden again, even if only in a finite temporal way, and to “prefigure our eternal home.”

Thus, it is this sacred nature of ends, not means, that Scruton puts forth in his understanding of beauty. In this Scruton echoes those philosophers of that past. Some like the Greek philosopher, Plotinus, beauty is seen as an ultimate value, pursued for its own sake, and the way in which the “divine unity makes itself known to the soul.”

Beauty is the glue that holds cultures together. It transcends individual places and ages. Light shining through stained glass in the Notre-Dame Cathedral, the face of Mary in Michelangelo’s La Pietà, a Bach orchestral suite, or a Frederico Fellini film (and none more so than the playful but sublime 8+1/2). Our experiences of these things connect us to the experiences of so many others over the decades and centuries since their creation. The beauty links us with a sense of profoundness and awe.

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