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calico-kiwi · 5 months

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The Coffee Trials

Chapter 4: Quest Unlocked: BananaJam in the Target

Fandom: Maribat (Miraculous Ladybug x DC)

Tags: Tim Drake/Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Original Character, fluff & Shenanigans, no plot & no update schedule

Work Summary: Both Tim Drake and Marinette Dupain-Cheng are incredibly successful and busy people. Two people who both view coffee as their lifeblood. When they find themselves needing each other to obtain ultimate coffee rights at their favorite cafe, two total strangers become allies. And friends. And perhaps eventually… something more.

Chapter Summary: Skye reveals the quest Tim and Marinette must complete in order to earn their first hint. Shenanigans ensue, as they always should.

Links: ao3 work, ao3 chapter, First Chapter, Previous Chapter

Read below the Keep Reading!

“Your quest,” Skye begins, “is…”

“To film a video in the cereal aisle of a Target with one or both of you dancing in a banana suit wearing sunglasses.”

Tim and Marinette are left standing there, speechless.

“Tim, I’m never letting you spin the wheel again,” Marinette deadpans.

“How the fuck did you manage to come up with that idea!?” Tim asks Skye incredulously, ignoring Marinette’s comment.

Skye simply shrugs, answering, “My sleep paralysis demon is easier to deal with if I imagine he’s a funny silly goofy little guy doing funny silly goofy little things.”

“I guess?” Tim says. “Ok,” he continues, “where the fuck are we supposed to get a banana suit though?”

Marinette sheepishly raises her hand. “Um-” she starts. Thinking to herself, ‘Oh my kwami I can’t believe I’m about to admit this,’ she tells them, “I… actually already have a banana suit somewhere in my apartment.

This, at least, seems to be the first piece of information to visibly shock Skye, and Tim too holds a certain look of bewilderment.

‘Damn Adrien and his stupid Banana Noir costume that he managed to get shipped with the rest of my things when I moved to Gotham. I can’t believe that mangey cat’s prank actually paid off,’ Marinette thinks. ‘Damn you Agreste, but also thank you.’

“It’s… a long story,” she says, wincing. “But the face is covered. Would it still count?”

Skye, over their initial shock, smiles. “Hey, I’m not one to judge. I think the fact you have that lying around is hilarious, regardless of the reason. And yeah, even with the face covered, that’ll work. Add the sunglasses on top of the costume in that case. Just make sure you address the camera at some point in the video so I can hear your voice and confirm it’s one of you. You don’t both have to dance in banana suits, so if one of you chooses to be the person taking the video instead, just be in-frame for a portion of the video so I can confirm you’re there as well.”

Steeling herself for the embarrassment to come, she sighs out, “Alright then. I guess we’re doing this.”

Tim leans over to show her his phone, and looking down, Marinette can see the Target website pulled up. “There’s a Target a couple of blocks away from here that closes at 11:00. It’s only 9:30 right now so that gives us an hour and a half if you wanted to just get this done tonight.”

Marinette elects to ignore the chill that goes down her spine at having Tim speak so close to her ear.

“I don’t live too far from here, so I can grab the costume and sunglasses to meet you there at like 10:15ish?” she offers.

Nodding, Tim answers, “Perfect. I’ll text you the address. If you don’t mind, can I be the one to wear the banana suit? I, uh, would rather have my face covered. Honestly with my reputation I don’t think too many people would question it, but I’d rather not draw attention to myself at the moment.”

“Sure,” Marinette agrees. She’d done her fair share of research about Gotham before moving, so it hadn’t taken her long to realize Tim was pretty famous here in America. She wouldn’t bring it up because, quite frankly, she knows enough famous people at this point to not really care.

Turning back towards Skye, who is currently erasing the “Q#3” option from The Wheel of Punishments and writing “spin again” in its place, Marinette announces, “I’m gonna head out now Skye. We’ll probably be back to show you the video, “ she looks back over at Tim, “around elevenish?”

Tim gives a thumbs up, confirming, “Yeah, around 11:00.”

With that, Marinette says goodbye and heads back to her apartment. It’s not until she’s finally back home and staring at the closet with the banana suit that the full absurdity of the situation reaches her.

Tikki, who had been sitting idle in her purse, flies out. Giggling, she asks, “Having fun? You look a little shell shocked.”

Slowly running a hand down her face Marinette mumbles, “What even is my life…”

Floating higher to gently pat Marinette on the head, the kwami states, “It’s all a part of the universe trying to balance out the energy you emit. Having such prolonged contact with the Ladybug miraculous and being my holder has imbued you with my creation energy and good luck. So the world around you tends to be filled with chaos to balance out the luck you pour into whatever space you’re in.”

As Marinette sighs Tikki adds, laughing, “You also happen to be drawn to very chaotic people. Though I’m not sure if that’s a side effect or if it’s purely you.”

Thinking back to her earlier childhood and the mischief she, Nino, and Kim would get up to, she admits, defeated, “I think it’s just a me thing.”

Nudging her towards the closet Tikki urges, “Hurry up now, don’t want to keep Tim waiting.” There’s a knowing glint in the kwami’s eye as she says Tim’s name. Marinette thinks it’s best not to dwell on that particular detail.

Sifting through the things in the closet, Marinette finally finds the banana suit buried behind boxes of umbrellas which Adrien had also managed to ship to her apartment.

Her relationship with Adrien has been a bit of a roller coaster. Eventually though, they realized both in and out of the suits, they preferred to stay just friends. After everything they’d been through, not even their identity reveal was enough to persuade either of them to pursue a romantic relationship with each other. Hell, even Alya and Nino admitted that they acted more like siblings than anything else.

The comfort from working as partners for so long, finally having revealed their identities, realizing they were already close friends out of the suit, and the fact any romance between them had effectively been thrown out the window had led to them confessing how they each came to fall for the other. And, consequently, un-fall for each other.

She almost smothered Adrien in pillows when he wouldn’t stop laughing at her for an umbrella being the cat -alyst for her past crush on him. He, even now, refused to let her live it down.

Smiling at the memories, Marinette pulls the banana suit out of the closet.

“And here it is in all its bright yellow glory,” she mused, looking over to Tikki.

Flying back towards her with sunglasses, Tikki laughs. “Ever think this would come in handy?”

Shaking her head and taking the sunglasses from Tikki, she replies, “Didn’t have the faintest clue. I swear though if Adrien finds out I actually needed this god awful costume for something I’ll never hear the end of it.”

Stuffing the sunglasses in her purse and folding up the suit as best she can, Marinette motions for her kwami to follow her. “Alright Tikki, let’s get going. I have a feeling this’ll be a long night.”

Twenty minutes later she finds herself in the mostly empty parking lot of her local Target. She’d sent a text to Tim letting him know she was there.

As she was absentmindedly drumming her fingers against the steering wheel, she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. Taking it out and glancing at the screen, she realized Tim was calling her. Raising her eyebrow, she hit the accept button and held the phone to her ear.

“Hello?” she asks.

“Ok so,” Tim starts. The way he says the words has Marinette already feeling like face palming. “I’m here, but I realize we didn’t really think of the fact I still need to change into the banana suit. We could meet up at the cafe instead, have me change, and then we come back here, but that’s cutting it close to when Target closes… By any chance would your car have tinted windows?”

Tentatively, Marinette asks, “… You’re telling me your car doesn’t have tinted windows?” She made sure the disbelief was clear in her voice. Honestly, she’d thought one of Gotham’s well known elites would’ve taken more precautions.

“Well it does,” Tim says, and Marinette can already hear the unsaid ‘ but ’ in his sentence. “ But ! I didn’t really take my car here…”

Furrowing her eyebrows in confusion, Marinette questions, “How did you get here then?”

“Motorcycle,” was his simple answer.

“Ah,” was all she said in reply. “Lucky for you that the car I’m leasing has tinted windows, then. I’m basically five rows away from the front of the Target. There aren’t any other cars around me so you should be able to find me pretty easily.”

“Yeah I think I see you. Your car’s dark grey, right?” Tim asks.

As Marinette tells him, “Yep,” she sees someone with Tim’s same outfit, hair, and build walking towards her car. “I think I see you too,” she tells him.

As the person takes a few more steps towards the car, Marinette can see it’s Tim and rolls down her window. “You can change in the back while I stand outside. The suit’s already in the second row, and I can give you the glasses when we get inside Target,” she says in lieu of greeting.

“Y’know,” Tim says as he climbs into the back seat, “you’re weirdly trusting to let someone you’ve known for less than a month be left alone in your car. “Not that I would do anything,” he adds hastily.

As she steps out of the car, Marinette smiles at him and says, “I tend to trust my intuition when it comes to people and their intentions. Something tells me you won’t steal or vandalize my car.”

Closing the door she bites back the unsaid part of that statement, which was, ‘One of the side effects of being the Guardian lets me see if people have harmful intentions through their aura, and you’re in the clear.’

When Tim steps out of the car Marinette chokes back a laugh. The suit, which had fit a previously teenage Banana Noir, looked laughably small on Tim. Tim wasn’t necessarily a very tall man, but it was obvious that the roughly 180 centimeters of him was far too big for a children’s costume. The yellow tights and the long sleeve undershirt were all but abandoned, presumably too tight for Tim to fit into.

Marinette had guessed as much, which is why she’d made a quick alteration on the gloves using the little time she’d had. Somehow they looked even more ridiculous as fingerless gloves.

Instead of the yellow tights, Tim wore his faded jeans, and instead of the undershirt, the sleeves of his white t-shirt could be seen. The rest of his arms were exposed, but Marinette elected to ignore that. She wasn’t sure she had enough self control to not switch from laughing at his ridiculousness to drooling at his muscles.

“How bad is it?” comes Tim’s muffled voice through the banana suit.

Still trying with all her will to not die on the spot from laughter, Marinette wheezes out, “It’s perfect.” Still smiling ear to ear and biting on her tongue to stop herself from losing it, Marinette pulls out the sunglasses and places it over the banana’s soulless, all seeing eyes.

Stepping back, Marinette doubles over in her attempt to not collapse into a laughing fit. “Oh my Gods,” she breathes out in a small voice.

“Ok, well while you have fun losing your shit over this, let’s head for the Target so I can take this potassium monstrosity off as soon as possible.” Gently pulling her along by the wrist, Tim drags a (still hysterical) Marinette towards the entrance of the store.

By the time they’ve walked through the door, Marinette has gathered herself enough to walk normally (though she would giggle every few seconds before slapping a hand over her mouth.

As they make their way towards the cereal aisle, Marinette is suddenly struck with a brilliant idea. “Tim,” she whispers, coming to a sudden stop and yanking on his arm so he does the same. He slowly turns around to face her and Marinette forces herself to look at his Converse instead to stop from bursting out laughing at the ridiculous banana face.

“I know exactly what song you can dance to,” she says mysteriously. She quickly tugs him the rest of the way to the cereal aisle (dutifully ignoring the bewildered stares of the other shoppers and various employees they pass) before depositing him in the middle of the aisle.

“Can I borrow your phone to record? I need mine to play the music,” Marinette asks. Wordlessly, Tim hands over his phone, already opened to the camera app, and Marinette takes a few steps back.

“Ok, just stand there and be ready,” she instructs. “As soon as I play the song you’ll know exactly what to do, don’t worry.”

Once she gets a muffled and confused, “Sure?” from Tim, she holds the phone vertically, makes sure the front facing camera is on, and hits record.

Making a show of holding her own phone next to her mouth with her other hand and visibly fending off laughter, Marinette says clearly, “Hey Siri, play the macarena-”

When the first note hits, Marinette flips the camera so it’s recording Tim. The phone speaker rings out, “Dale a tu cuerpo alegría Macarena-” and Marinette can be heard manically laughing in the background as banana Tim dances to the song.

“Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegría y cosa buena-” Tim continues to dance and the camera is visibly shaking as Marinette breaks down in a fit of laughter.

“Dale a tu cuerpo alegría, Macarena-” Tim’s movements are unnecessarily exaggerated and Marinette can still be heard maniacally cackling as the camera tilts, presumably because Marinette is leaning against the shelving of the cereal aisle to stay upright.

As the final line of the chorus rings out, “Hey Macarena, ay-” Tim sassily places both hands on his hips and slowly rotates them in a circle, still using exaggerated movement.

Just before the song finishes, a random shopper from behind Marinette can be heard shouting, “GO WHITE BOY GO!” which leads to Tim, with one hand still on his hip and the other pointing at the stranger, exclaiming, “Thank you random citizen!” in an attempt to copy the voice of Metro Man from Megamind.

The video ends with Marinette crying laughing, having fallen on her knees, sinking to the floor.

Tim shakes his head in exasperation (or at least Marinette thinks that’s what he’s doing, it’s hard to tell with the suit on). But seeing as how the head of the banana suit doesn’t turn, all that happens is the whole banana body shaking.

This, of course, does not help Marinette’s laugh attack, and Tim is forced to hoist her up and be used as a human (banana?) crutch for her to lean against as they exit the target.

Once they make it to the car, Marinette, who is thankfully no longer hysterical, unlocks her car so Tim can change in the back seat. Thankfully by the time he emerges, she’s calmed down enough to only be smiling.

“I want you to send me that video, because I honest to gods don’t think anything else has ever made me laugh so hard ever. It’s probably partially from the lack of caffeine but oh my gods .”

She’s so glad Tim doesn’t seem the slightest bit off put that he's just done something most people would find mortifyingly embarrassing, or that she’s laughing her ass off at him.

“Sure. On the condition that whatever crazy quest Skye sends us on next has you be the main focus,” Tim bargains, giving a teasing smile.

Smirking, Marinette says, “Easiest deal of my life. Meet you back at the coffee shop? I got a feeling Skye’s gonna get even more of a kick out of this than me.

Still smiling at her, he says, “See you there.”

Marinette really hopes Tim turned away fast enough to not see the blush that crept up her face after he smiled at her like that. If he looked at her so softly again she wasn’t sure she’d be able to muster up enough denial to ignore the beginnings of the feelings she was starting to have.

When they got back to the cafe and showed Skye the video, the barista took even longer to stop laughing than Marinette.

It got to a point where the two were genuinely scared for Skye’s health, because when he heard ‘go white boy go’ he collapsed on the counter rasping out things along the lines of ‘can’t breath’ and ‘oh my god I’m gonna die’.

Once Skye recovered, the smile stayed on their face the rest of the night. “I want you to send me that video,” she said. “Also, congratulations you’ve passed the quest! The first ingredient hint is espresso shots.”

Marinette saw Tim’s eye twitch out of the corner of her eye. “We did that to get the hint espresso shots as an ingredient for one of your most caffeinated drinks ?!”

Raising an eyebrow Skye shrugged. “Hey man, you spun the wheel, that’s your fault. The hints are in a predetermined order, so that’s the hint you would’ve gotten regardless of what you were saddled with in order to earn it.”

Tim sighed as Marinette reiterated her sentiment from earlier in the night, “Never letting you spin the wheel again.”

Stealing one of the uneaten cookies from a display case, Skye says, “You guys only have tomorrow to show me your weekly attempt before things are reset, by the way. Once Sunday hits it restart the week, and you’ll have access to earn another hint and another attempt at showing me what you guys’ve created.”

Looking over at Tim, Marinette suggests, “Well, I don’t know about you but I don’t think I have enough general knowledge on the making of drinks or of the ingredient list to throw together an attempt.”

“I don’t think I do either,” Tim adds, “How about we reconvene on Sunday to see whatever ludicrous thing Skye plans for us to do to get a hint.”

Smiling tiredly, Marinette nods. “Sounds good to me. I’m gonna head home.” She says goodbye to Skye and Tim, then heads to her apartment.

Flying out of her purse once Marinette’s inside, Tikki giggles. “Quite an adventure today,” the kwami muses.

“It certainly was-” Interrupted by the chime of her phone, Marinette pulls it out of her pocket and looks at the screen. It’s a message from Tim, with the video of him dancing in Target attached. Marinette snorts, screenshotting a frame in the video to set as Tim’s contact photo.

She takes another screenshot of Tim’s updated contact and sends it to him. ‘Would u believe me if i told u ur the second person to need to use that banana suit’ she texts to him.

‘ur jokling’ he replies. ‘wish i was, that thing is, as you so eloquently put it, “a potassium monstrosity”’ she sends back.

‘Idk i think i pulled it off’ Tim sends. Marinette laughs before sending, ‘no clue how u managed to do that tbh. but hey if u ever wanna model smth hmu. if u can pull off a banana suit i can only imagine how well ur modeling career would be’

Marinette could almost hear the smirk in his next text. ‘Oh so ur imagining me now r u?’ Marinette rolls her eyes before responding, ‘Oh, so ur getting cocky now, r u? If ur in my dreams it’ll be as a dancing banana, don’t get ahead of yourself’

Tim’s message after that made Marinette’s heart melt a bit, though she’d never tell him that. ‘Well i hope u have sweet ones’ ‘dreams that is’

‘gn my dancing banana’ she sent, smiling down at her phone.

‘gn coffee thief’

Marinette collapsed and was unconscious the second her head hit the pillow. She chalked the fact that she fell asleep so easily up to the overexertion from laughing so much and the general craziness of the day.

It definitely had nothing to do with the ball of content that sat comfortably in her stomach, which was warming her heart. And that content certainly had nothing to do with the unfairly attractive dancing banana she’d somehow found herself stuck with.

AN: Forgive my many spelling mistakes, I have the horrible tendency to only write for this fic in the dead of night. i have this fic on ao3, but I realized I never posted it to tumblr as more than a link. if you wanna keep up with it, but dont wanna subscribe to it on ao3, just ask to be added to the taglist either through this post or an ask to my blog and I'll keep you updated!

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concealeddarkness13 · 11 months

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WHG 20 Day 2 - Ares

This is my last one for today! Tagging: @ratracechronicler (thanks for Atwater!), @maple-writes, @pen-of-roses, @drabbleitout, @grailfish, @forthesanityofsome, and @pied-piper-of-hamlet!

I went out to look for more tributes, but they were hard to find, and, well, I should have brought someone else, because at sunset, Primary decided to start the fucking visions again.

It was all the same shit, with me killing my friends. It was almost familiar enough to be more annoying than traumatic. I tried to find a safe-ish place to rest, stumbling through the forest.

And I heard some rustling, so I tensed and looked around even if I couldn’t see. “Hello? Who’s there?” Just because the person could be a tribute that Triel recruited, I couldn’t use my magic right away.

“Just a racoon.” I couldn’t place the voice.

I looked over towards them, but of course, I couldn’t see anything besides me killing the people I cared about. I summoned my black flames to my hand. “Don’t come any closer! Who are you?”

“Alright. Can you see, kid?”

They didn’t sound threatening. I shook my head. “Not…not at the moment. But I can still fight.” I jutted my chin out.

“That is a theory I don’t want to test. Just stand still. There’s no one else around. Nobody’s attacking.”

I relaxed a little but didn’t get rid of my flames. “Who are you?”

“The guy from 4, the one who can’t walk straight. Hugo Atwater. What’s your name?”

I blinked. I recognized his name. “Triel said she recruited you. I was supposed to keep my eyes out for you. Didn’t think this would happen so soon.” I waved my hand over my eyes. “I’m…Ares. District 1.”

“Ah…we have a mutual friend.” Something thumped. “I’m guessing you looked a little too closely at that sunset, Ares?”

Triel had mentioned something like that, but no, this was Primary. I shook my head. “No, unfortunately, this is something different. I kind of have the soul of a god who wants to use me as a vessel trying to convince me to destroy my soul by showing me killing all my friends over and over until they get tired.” I shrugged.

“…Well, that does put a bit of a damper on your evening plans, I imagine. Have you tried blasphemy? I’m sure you get that a lot actually, but gods do tend to hate that sort of thing, I’ve heard.”

“I’ve already called them a crusty shit, and that didn’t make them leave. It’s fine. Once they get tired, I can bring you to Triel!”

“Oh, you can do better than that, kid. Ahoy, crusty shit. My mum’s god’s got ten arms and a tiger. You’re out here bothering a teenager with war flashbacks like some two-dimensional cartoon ghost. I’ve met mollusks with more backbone. I don’t believe you. Ares, there’s a nice flattish log coming up to your knees a few paces two o’ clock. Take a load off, kid, and let the little sleep paralysis demon tucker themself out.”

Who is this mortal? I like him. He’s amusing, too amusing to not listen to him this one time.

The visions blurred, and as I sat down on the log he had mentioned, they went away. I blinked and looked around. I was in a forest, and it was indeed Atwater standing near me. I stared at him. “That worked. They said you were too amusing to not back off for now.”

“Well, at least I’m good for something.” His eyebrows went up a little. “Wait, can you see again?”

I nodded. “Well enough. Don’t know how long they’ll let me though.”

“This is a…habitual thing for you two, then?”

I nodded again. “Ever since the interview. I’m used to it by now.” I shrugged. But this didn’t matter. I could see again! “But now that I’m not blinded, I can fly you to Triel’s camp!”

He didn’t look convinced about what I had first said, and he looked even more concerned after I was said I could fly him to camp. “You can fly.”

I nodded, standing up. “I can change into a phoenix. You wanna see?”

“Hell, yeah.”

I…I could make him proud. I wanted to make him proud. Like…like my dad. I transformed into the phoenix and squawked at him, tilting my head to try to ask if it was ok if I could pick him up.

“Yeah, that checks out.” He grinned, and I couldn’t help the warmth in my chest. I made him proud! He even gave me a thumbs up! “Badass, kid. Oh—we’re gonna do the flying thing now? I mean, you can try, but don’t strain yourself.”

I could easily carry a person, so there were no worries there! I squawked again and ruffled my feathers in happiness before I flapped my wings and flew up to get some momentum before grabbing his shoulders to fly him towards the camp. He held tightly to my claws as I flew him, also holding onto his spear.

He looked stressed, and honestly, I was getting really fucking tired, so I set him down close to the camp but not quite there. The mutts were coming soon, but my magic should keep us safe.

I glanced over at Atwater once I transformed back. “We can walk the rest of the way, if you’d like.”

“That would be ideal,” Atwater wheezed, but before we could get walking, the howls of the cat-dog mutts echoed through the night, and I tensed and readied to protect Atwater from them, but a fireball scared them off, and Chess hobbled into sight, holding tightly to a small mutt who was snuggling up to her. She was cooing at the mutt. What the fuck?

Atwater collapsed quietly as I stared at her, collapsing as well, since I had gotten tired. Chess looked up and smiled. “Ares! You’re okay! We’ve been worried! And Atwater!” She hobbled over, the mutt crawling up to her shoulders and lying down with a yawn. “You’re safe! I’m so glad!”

“Uh. Right.” Atwater sat up and looked over at me. “Are you alright?”

I nodded, standing up and tilting my head at the mutt. He had a calico color, with a dog’s face, but one cat ear and one dog ear. And his feet and the end of his tail looking like a ghostly smoke. “I’m fine. More mentally tired than anything.”

“Well. Splendid.” He sighed and lay back down, waggling his fingers at Chess, glancing at her in askance.

Chess sat down next to us, so I collapsed again. “I thought I had seen a runt mutt with the others, and they had been mean to him, but look at him! He’s so sweet!” She held him out to Atwater.

Atwater nodded, handing him a stick. He leaned over towards me. “Not to pry, miss, but you seem to be experiencing more gravitational issues than someone in full health ought to. Is that half-rate shitstain in your head bothering you again?”

I looked up at him, not wanting to admit anything. “I’m not tired.”

He looked over at Chess. “Did she or did she not very recently mention being tired?”

Chess tilted her head. “Technically she mentioned being mentally tired. Not sure if that’s the same thing.”

I grinned. “See? I’m fine!” Not moving.

“It is the same word, you infants,” he tutted. “You can’t ‘yes, and’ each other out of a breakdown, physically or mentally. For fuck’s sake. Since you’ve elected to lie there in perfect health, then, at least quit trying to transform into a nautilus now and stretch your legs out. You’ll get bad circulation curled up like that, and your spine will stab you in the back in 20 years if you make it a habit. And drink something.” He fished out a flask, shaking his head.

Chess laughed, and I sighed and took the flask. “Yes, dad.” Fuck. The words had slipped from my lips before I could stop them. My cheeks heated up from embarrassment and takes the drink. It was just water, unfortunately.

“Belay the sass, or you’re grounded, young lady.” At least he hadn’t made a big deal about it. I just handed back the flask, still embarrassed.

Chess sat up more. “I can lead you two back to the camp! It’s not far!”

Atwater pocketed the flask and pulled himself up with the spear. “Great. On further examination, my legs are not, in fact, gelatin, so I’m good to go. Lead the way, Chess. Ares, I expect you can run circles around me, given how very fine you are, but try not to rush too far ahead for the sake of my fragile pride and all." He offered me a hand, and I took it to help me get up to walk.

Chess stood up and put the mutt on her shoulders and cheerily started leading the way. And to be sassy, I transformed into the phoenix and flew up and landed on Atwater’s shoulders so I didn’t have to walk, since I was actually tired. Atwater just whistled, acting like he didn’t notice.

#writeblr hunger games #whg #writeblr #no editing again

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fairycosmos · 2 years

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Yup, been facing a ghost problem for awhile now. It started when my aunt first relayed a story of someone in our family who practices black magic: one day, as she was making tomato sauce for my family, my grandfather heard her chanting something under her breath. They later packaged the sauce into jars. Weeks later, when they opened them, EVERY SINGLE JAR had needles sitting atop the sauce.

Some smaller stuff happened too. For instance, my aunts and all their friends regularly visited this "shrink"/psychic, and I can tell you all the things she accurately predicted/knew (including deaths).

This was what made me go from an atheist to a believer. That's when my encounters started. Anytime I would go to sleep without saying a prayer for protection, I was attacked. When it ended up giving me sleep paralysis, I woke up fuming, because I was so over it. I began to curse out whatever it was. Went into the kitchen. My mom was there, and only the stove light was on. She was on the counter opposite to the stove, as was I. Suddenly, I heard a loud "click", and everything went dark. My mom went, "Hey, why'd you turn it off? I'm still in here." NEITHER OF US WERE NEAR THE STOVE.

For a long time, nothing else happened, until recently. A new activity I've undertaken is going near the woods at night. However, my mom ended up having sleep paralysis the last two nights that I went. Whenever this happens, she starts wailing and crying in her sleep and someone has to wake her up.

Before I found out what she'd seen, I was getting ready to back out to the woods. However, a tweet caught my eye. Someone tweeted about driving through the forest at night and seeing people with their faces upside down running through a field. Under it was that famous reddit thread about a forest rescuer's paranormal encounters: https://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/3iex1h/im_a_search_and_rescue_officer_for_the_us_forest/

A story I remembered reading in it was from someone who went up the stairs, whose grandfather told them that they used to appear as doors, and never to go up them if you see any. Once I was done reading, I asked my mom what she saw.

Both nights, she saw a door. And behind that door was a faceless figure in a black cloak. Later, I find out the place I'd ventured to on those two nights was once a mass grave where the Chinese used to bury their dead, and their bodies had at one point been exhumed. Moreover, there's a rowing club I was sitting right across from that's listed as one of the most haunted places in my city.

The last time this occurred was a week ago when I finished watching the one of the most disturbing, demonic movies I've ever seen. And lastly, last night, my cat saw a ghost. I was watching videos of someone's haunted apartment (from this dude's profile, which has some insanely creepy videos). In one of his videos, their bar stool started moving by itself, and as I was watching it, my cat suddenly shot up from his sleep with wide eyes that started following something around the room. He was clearly seeing something I wasn't, and following its movements. Like clockwork, there was a sudden noise from the place his eyes were glued to, one that I'd heard before. Took awhile to get it out, judging by my cat's darting eyes.

(sorry for the length — i have more stories from others if you're interested tho lmao)

omg these are all so hyper-specific i wanna cry. i need you to be messing with me soooo bad like im serious lmfao 😭 the needles?? the stove?? the consistent sleep paralysis?? i would have never recovered. girl why would you start walking near the woods at night after that shit hello lmfao braver than i could literally ever be and im not even that much of a believer for real. over grounds where people are buried too, that is fucking crazy. also an upside down face is horrible imagery, jesus lmfao. this was really cool to read though, thank you for sharing <3 please keep yourself protected and stay away from listening to tales about family members who do black magic in the future LOL.

#anon #ghost stories #long post

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itsadragonaesthetic · 1 year

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Dragon's Spooky Tales: The Little People

We're going into another spooky story about sleep paralysis... sort of.

This phenomenon has a lot of different titles, such as the shadow people, the gremlins, the little demons, etc etc. Most importantly, this seems to happen to only my family. Only a few years ago did we all realize that we were experiencing the same thing.

My mom has the most strange experiences of us all. She says that she often sees them acting out slapstick comedy or dramatic scenes, both when she's asleep and awake. My mom has schizophrenia/frequent hallucinations but I would call this quite atypical for her. Most of her hallucinations are auditory and around very specific subjects, none of which connect to the little people. Putting it broadly, her brain just works differently than other people's, and hallucinations aren't uncommon for her, but I still found it strange when she talked to me about it and it fit the description of me and my sister's experiences.

My sister has had lifelong encounters with these things, typically when she's asleep. We both experience them to appear the exact same. They are very small, around a foot tall at most. They are often skinny, like stick figures. Their feet and hands often end at a point. Sometimes they appear a bit more like gremlins. They seem almost like 2D animations caught in a 3D space. Their most prominent behavior is darting between shadows like they can only live in shadows. Another common behavior is laughter. Similar to the sound of an audience or auditorium laughing. We both would experience them as children, both asleep and awake. They were in nearly every dream I had sometimes. They induce a horrible sense of terror. Looking at them feels harmful to your brain it feels so scary. Few things in my waking life have ever scared me so much.

A recent encounter my sister had was very profound. She was asleep at someone's house when she dreamed of the little shadow people, doing their thing. Darting between shadows and laughing. However, they all start to shout the same thing,

"TURN OFF THE LIGHT!"

My sister eventually woke up and told the other person about the dream. He goes into the other room to find a piece of clothing on a lamp. The lamp was beginning to burn through the fabric and start a fire. My sister realized the shadow people somehow knew about this and were trying to wake them up to save them.

The most memorable experience I had happened a couple of years ago. I was asleep in my old bedroom. The room was totally dark except for a deep blue night light I kept at the other end of the room. I had awoken in a more asleep version of sleep paralysis; I was essentially just dreaming of being paralyzed in my room. The little people were darting in front of the light, laughing and terrifying me as they usually did. One that passed in front was different, however. Instead of having mostly human proportions, they looked like a small gremlin. Short legs, longer arms, and a big head. He scurried by and my vision focused on him like a camera zooming in and focusing. A giant chorus of audience laughter rang out. They terrified me. In the little time I saw them, something was conveyed to me. It was not said in words, but psychically spoken to me. I'll try a rough translation of what they would have said in words,

"You humans think you're so special huh? Look at me! I can walk on two legs too! Am I special now? Do I now have reign over the planet and all of its creatures? Am I better than everyone now? You idiots! You absolute idiots!" *terribly humiliating laughter*

I haven't really seen them much since then, but that really made a huge impact on me. It's as if a part of that message got ingrained into me and it returns furiously every time someone believes humans to be superior in any regard. I feel like I have to remind myself of it and tell others about that dream so that they won't come back and scare me into humility again. Every day I hope they're out there scaring a generation of children or maybe some dense politicians into species-wide humility. I also just hope they're having fun. Despite the fact that I'm terrified of them when I see them, and people always think I'm plagued by demons when I talk about it and I shouldn't be giving them power by talking about them, I like them. Just because they're not exactly... friendly and are pretty abrasive, they seem kind in their own way. I have had many more encounters with them, but these are just the most memorable ones.

#dragon's spooky tales #the little people #sleep paralysis #i know its not the same thing as the native American stories of little people #i know i know #but thats just what i called it when i was younger and i didn't want to call them demons or shadows anymore #cuz i didn't like demonizing them #i told some native friends about it and they thought it was kinda interesting

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picklesgrowontrees · 3 years

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I REALLY NEED TO GET THIS OUT OH MY LORDDDD

first off, thank you to the writers room people the new video was a banger! Also, Thomas’s acting is getting better and better every day

I am just barely holding off on screaming about everything into my pillow and I’m most likely going to hyperfixate on this for the next month but here are some things I need to point out from the Special:

Thomas, you lost an excellent opportunity to say “it sure feels like a dream….come true!” In your opening scene.

Our favorite boys with all of our favorite nicknames in their bios —🥺🥺🥺

Roman, are you okay? Your makeup be on fleek tho

Virgil = Rocket Raccoon x100

“My bestie, Patton” Janus omfg he’s your husband

THEY KNOW HIS NAME! LOGAN CALLED HIM JANUS!!!

Also, Logan—nice. So proud of you. I cant believe you learned a new word today

Janus is literally out-drama-geeking Roman. I never knew that was possible.

Excuse me what was that you said about eyeshadow? Janus is teasing Virgil about his purple glitter. Virgil reacts like a violent caveman

I’m…pretty….sure….that Remus…doesn’t, have his pants on backwards???? Maybe??? In any case👌 his bosom is emblazoned

‘Whose hand is that? Jesus’ —also, what. Thomas you should run

Janus you passive agressive bitch we all know you literally made that sandwich for Patton

LOGAN—calm down with the size of your glass man, I’m pretty sure that’s enough wine to kill a small child

Thomas you’re really killing me with the angst JUST LISTEN TO LITERAL LOGIC FOR 1 MINUTE

So Remus found the mindspace, huh? Alright y’all, time to throw every single fanfiction involving the creativitwins’ split kingdoms into the canon garbage can

#deviousgaming4life #gotem #secretlife

FUCKEMUP PISSY! I-I MEAN PRINCEY! YOUR SWORD JUST GOT A MANICURE THO

A-huh,A-huh, now say that again, but slower Virgil

I really can’t look at Virgil transforming into a puppet the same way again after those bloopers 💀

Seriously, guys.😤 Everyone who's here at my awesome party...🍾🎉 🤪this huge crowd of people that's definitely here right now...Somebody😠🤫 broke 😩my grandma's👵 vase✨✨🏺✨✨And that was the last thing she gave to me... before she died!!!! ☠️I swear 🔫😀to all things football ⚽️?🏈? AND/OR skateboarding... 🛹 …that I will find you….🪓🗡⚔️🔪😁Don't make me cry these incredibly manly 💪🏻🧔‍♂️tears! Anyone can speak up here 👀and be a part of this scene. 👀👀👀Especially those of us who aren't imagined🙂and... are actually here on the stage.🧨

The angst is packing in hard, TheatreMan.

Virgil you bastard😂😂 I demand a petition for Janus to have a solo number, and I would very much like to see the raw caught-in-4K footage of Janus dancing and hyping up Virgil for the lie song in the background

Remus you bastard😂😂

🍊👀

*ahem* ✍️📝 “Scare-amore”? Amore as in Amour? Amour as in Love in Spanish? We can’t escape the prinxiety

I swear they all had to restrain Remus from saying something rated r about Nico

Don’t worry Virgil you’re not the only one. Thomas being straight is one of my sleep paralysis demons

So that’s why Janus wears a hat. How many fanarts are we gonna get of Janus with a hamster? Like, what do you say, 500? Thousand?

Virgil is a mood. Except mine is an endless script in my notes app. So classy

(Edit) Roman is not okay. And neither am I

Janus is still salty about the others’ wardrobe upgrades

Did no one else notice the way that Roman said virgil’s name? I swear the prinxiety

Virgil I think you want to set the type of goal Remus was going for…at the beginning of his idea anyways. Praise, man

So—let me get this gay. Patton wants to be married to Logan. I can feel the love tonight

Logan I do not blame you for your wine glass update, where can I get me one of those?

Also—Virgil is the cousin because Remus and Janus are the aunt and uncle so they are LITERALLY HIS PARENTS OMG

Janus I’m scared and terrified and afraid and terrified what more do you want

The Roman series. Is in fact; a Prinxiety Dungeons and dragons AU fanfiction. I could not be happier

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saberstars · 3 years

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I'm Here

Pairing: Gender Neutral Y/N & Loki

Fluff, angst, implied smut

Warnings: Mentions of depression/mental illness, epilepsy/seizures, mentions of sex, as always if I missed anything feel free to let me know

Summary: Loki & You have a pre-existing friendship with benefits & one night you have a seizure after some spiciness. He cares for you helping you afterwards & makes sure you rest easy & safe. Reader is portrayed to have seizures more so during changes in sleep phases, not awake. The wake seizures or more of a medium ish absence/ focal aware seizure that only occur on occasion & can be “fought” through.

Word Count: 1796

Notes: This was intended to be a gender neutral reader. I think I removed all he/she pronouns.

Additionally, I know that not everyone experiences seizures the same way, and that epilepsy can affect people differently. This is all written from my experiences with it, so I ask that you do not tell me I portrayed something wrong. I can and will accept constructive criticism, But I will not accept someone telling me blatantly that I am wrong with my experiences. Therefore please keep that in mind when reading. I genuinely hope this fic brings others comfort if you suffer from epilepsy or any disorder that causes seizures. Thank You <3

It’s been three years since you found out you suffered from epilepsy. A diagnosis that came late in your life to be fair. As a young child up until you reached adulthood, you suffered from eye shakes that would eventually turn into stuttering spells that made it difficult to breath or not breath properly at all. You never passed out though, you got close a few times, but you managed to stay awake and “fight it off.” You started to notice over time that you’d also get a strange taste in your mouth, almost like metal or as if you were sucking on a battery and it had that zing flavor. You knew that was a precursor and would panic on cue rightfully so. You hated when you had your mini stutter fests because all you could do was hope it didn’t happen.

Of course you complained to your parents as a child but they didn’t think it was anything. They said it was just a panic attack. So you took their word for it. That was until you started having grand mals in your sleep. At first you thought they were just a part of some strange dream, that wasn't real to you, not yet anyway. You would wake up exhausted, sore, sometimes unable to move properly, walk, open and close a fist, and you just overall couldn't stay conscious sometimes. Again you complained to your parents about it, but they said it was nothing. You probably had night terrors or some form of minor sleep paralysis. So you dumbly believed them.

When you moved out, You sought answers, and eventually got them. You were grateful. The medication they prescribed helped tremendously though, it did make you tired but it was worth not having your episodes. Thankfully your case wasn’t as severe as others and it was manageable so long as you took care of yourself and took your medications. Though you were warned, breakthroughs were common, and missing your dose can and would cause a seizure.

Despite having such a diagnosis, you kept it to yourself. You never really told anyone. It wasn’t until you started sleeping with a friend, that you finally divulged your secret too in the event that it ever happened whilst they were with you.

It was someone you randomly slept with on and off with. A friend with benefits, his name was Loki. You had met the god shortly after his father had passed and his home, destroyed. You found comfort with each other despite it being more of a sexual comfort. You both used sex as a way to fight your own demons, a distraction, a quick grab at serotonin. Despite the sex you both developed a very deep friendship. You’d read together on occasion, have very interesting debates on current events, history, as well as other nuances, and a lot of other things. You even met his brother and the avengers at one point.

You both slept soundly after spicy events had taken place 2 hours prior, Loki had come over desperate for attention of any kind. He didn’t say why, but you knew it was a rather serious topic he wished not to discuss and rather lessen the pain with ecstasy. Little did you know, on this day a few years ago he indirectly murdered his mother. He blamed himself dearly, he knew if he would have kept his mouth shut for once in his life she may be here today. So he needed a genuine distraction. One of any kind. Preferable you. Due to the spicy events that took place you missed your dose, due to falling asleep promptly after, which cost you dearly. Missing doses always caused this to happen no matter what.

You gasped for air like usual, your body contorting outwards first with a thrust. You were awake, conscious, and terrified for the few seconds you normally were given before blacking out. You began to stutter violently all the air leaving your lungs as it happened. Until no sounds were made and it was just you chattering. Loki woke immediately, with a completely calm exterior despite a raging mixture of emotions internally. He knew you never called an ambulance for these things because you were normally alone & unaware until you became conscious again. She made him promise to never call 911 unless it was over a certain time length, to save her medical expenses, or unless she stopped breathing for good.

Loki dare not touch you though as you shook and curled up. The last thing he wanted was his godly strength to crush you somehow or cause you more pain. Instead he watched and hovered until you finally stopped. It was a short 50 second one, which was under your time limit, but he still debated calling. It’s not like You would’ve known he lied.

His breathing hitched as he went to check your pulse and airway, ever so delicately, which were both clear and strong.

“Oh thank you.” he whispered

A few hours had slid by with still no response from you. Loki sat next to you, staring down at you, to the point where he would fight the urge to blink, waiting for a stir of some kind from you. He did give the courtesy of redressing you though, in a nightgown from a drawer after an hour slid past. He even went as far as ensuring that you were adequately covered by the blankets to avoid being chilled. It has been 3 ½ hours now, with no stir of any kind from you. He knew it would be awhile before you showed any signs of movement possibly but this worry tore him to his core. In the midst of waiting he refused to just idly go back to sleep next to you, he was determined to stay awake until you were conscious again, so that you knew, he stayed there waiting for you. Loki didn’t know when he found himself talking to you as if you were awake, but all he knew was that it made him feel a bit better, and he hoped that when you woke it would make you feel better too.

“You know, I’ve been reading this really dumb gothic romance novel. I think you’d like it because of how naive the girl is. I know you like to criticize and pick on how they make decisions.” he spoke with a chuckle in his voice thinking back to how you’d flail your arms and drop your book to scream about how dumb some main protagnist could be.

“I'll have to buy you a copy or give you mine when I’m done.” Loki shifted his weight from his right to his left brushing your bangs out of your eyes.

“I don’t know why you keep those so long, all they do is get in the way of your gorgeous eyes.”

It was in that moment you rustled, you shifted your neck ever so slightly, Your eyelids twitch. Loki leaned forward parting his lips as he watched with a heart of hope completely overwhelmed with joy when he saw the color of your iris’s. He exhaled a shaky breath cupping your cheeks which caused you to flinch sending a wave of shocks through your body. It was at that moment you knew. You knew what he saw, what he had gone through. Your heart sank and you immediately berated yourself internally despite your exhausted state.

“It’s ok you don’t have to say or do anything. I’ll stay, I’ll take care of you for as long as you need.” Loki assured you, wanting you to know that you didn’t have to go through this alone. You never really had anyone stay, let alone worry about you. Your eyes began to water as tears rolled down your face.

“I’ll go grab you some water, you’re probably parched. I’ll also grab you a banana. I read that potassium can help with the cramping.” Loki said leaving to yourself for a moment. He also grabbed tissues for your eyes and nose just in case. Upon returning her placed everything at your side offering help to sit up. “Do you need to use the bathroom or help sitting up?” He asked with a gentle tone.

You nodded trying to take a good deep breath so you could speak a bit. “I’m so sorry you had to see that… but thank you. Thank you for staying, for helping. I do need the bathroom and I would appreciate help. My legs are still...” you mustered out with all your might but after a point your tongue refused to work with you.

“Of course, I may be a monster but I’m not entirely cruel. If it helps… you can just think to yourself and I can listen that way. So that you're not struggling too much.” Loki admitted with a tone of self depreciation.

“You're not a monster just because you're different & have made mistakes.” you thought as Loki picked you up bridal style walking you to the bathroom. Of course he placed you down on the toilet and waited outside for you to do what you needed. Since he had only added a nightgown to your previously naked body it made things easier. It was exhausting to just sit up and do everything but you pushed through. You even pushed yourself up and limped to the sink best you could to wash your hands. Upon hearing the faucet though Loki came back in standing behind you offering support if needed.

“Catch me~” you thought before falling back into his arms with a snort.

“You're lucky I have godlike reflexes you minx.” He replied with a hint of flirtation. You had used more than you had in you to wash your hand. Loki caught you obviously and carried you back to the room placing you back on the bed. “No, more like I knew you were ready to catch me.” you slowly thought as exhaustion tugged at your consciousness again. Loki noticed the pill bottle on your dresser before prompting you to take it. Instinctively opening it and sliding one into his hand.

“You should probably take this before you fall asleep.” You took it mentally saying thanks drinking the glass of water with it.

“Yeah that would probably help avoid some added breakdancing.” You joked trying to use humor to lighten the situation. Loki stared plain faced trying not to entertain your joke though, despite finding it secretly witty. Maybe he’d laugh at it when you felt a bit better. Soon after you began to dance between awake and sleep. Loki took note based on how your thoughts jumbled around between multiple things, laughing to himself a bit before minor intrusive fears began picking at you. Loki immediately jumped into action in an attempt to squash them soothing you a bit.

“You can sleep soundly, please get some rest. You don’t have to force yourself to stay awake out of fear or guilt.” Loki spoke in the most caring and sweet tone he could muster up. Trying to convince you that it was going to be ok & it worked. Somehow you knew he was right & that you could trust him completely. You drifted back to sleep peacefully thinking about how for the first time in your life, you didn’t fear sleeping in your bed. You didn’t have intrusive thoughts about whether or not you’d wake up in the morning or not. Which honestly brought tears bubbling their way up and out of Loki's eyes. The amount of trust you had in him in your thoughts, at that moment completely took his breath away. And that was something he wasn’t going to break or ever lose.

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waitimcomingtoo · 4 years

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In Bed With Brad

Pairing: Brad Simpson x reader

Synopsis: you’re a guest on In Bed With Brad

“Hello everyone. This is episode 8 of In Bed With Brad.” Brad informed the camera. “We have a very exciting guest this Sunday.”

“I’m not that exciting.” You chuckled as you looked at him. He looked awfully cuddly in his navy blue pajama set, a sharp contrast to you silky pink and white striped shorts and button up. You were both sitting up in his bed with your backs against the headboard, closer than he usually got with his guests.

But that was because you were different from his other guests.

Ever since you befriended The Vamps, you and Brad had fallen into a will-they-won’t-they relationship comprised of moments that were a little too romantic for people who were just friends.

“Yeah, I was just saying that to be nice. You’re rather boring.” Brad played along, making you laugh again as your mind drifted back to the video.

“Aw, you mean it?” You leaned towards him with a dopey smile, brushing your shoulders against his.

“I do. I’m getting flustered already, oh no.” He pressed a cold hand to his burning cheeks. The video was a perfect excuse to get closer to you, making him think of all the times his hands twitched because he wanted to hold yours so badly.

“If you feel embarrassed, just stop.” You said robotically, as if you were in an infomercial.

“Wow, that’s really good advice.” He humored you. “I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of that.”

“Probably because you’re dumb.” You poked his cheek. “And I’m smart.”

“That’s probably it, yeah.” Brad was barely listening to you know, too focused on your closeness to focus.

“Yeah. Should I introduce myself or did you want the audience to guess?” You realized with a chuckle.

“Oops. That was my job.” Brad smiled sheepishly.

“You’re really bad at it.” You teased him.

“Thank you. I really appreciate that.” He grinned at you. “This is my lovely friend Y/n.

“Anytime. I like these pajamas by the way.” You chuckled as you tugged on his soft blue pajama top.

“Thank you.” Brad smiled shyly as he scratched his head. “I wore them just for you.”

“I appreciate it.” You smiled. “You look good.”

“Ah, thank you.” Brad blushed and leaned towards you. “I guess we’ll start off with the first question.”

“Go for it.” You encouraged.

“Are you seeing anyone?” He shot you a cheeky smile. You laughed at his bluntness and shook your head.

“Just my sleep paralysis demon.”

“Is he nice?” Brad played along.

“He’s pretty chill.” You shrugged.

“How serious is it?” Brad feigned a sad expressed.

“Oof, pretty serious.” You clicked your tongue. “We’ve been together a few years now.”

“Damn. I got some competition then.” Brad joked.

“Yeah. What are you gonna do about it?” You tilted your head to challenge him.

“How about I pitch you some facts about myself so you fall in love with me?”

“Okay. Go for it.” You laughed and scooted closer to him. “It might not work since I find you incredibly unattractive.”

“I’ll do my best.” Brad blew out a breath. “I’m naturally brunette.”

“Always a plus.” You nodded.

“I can make a really good cuppa.” He continued. “With like milk and honey.”

“I love that book.” You joked.

“What?” Brad didn’t understand.

“Nothing.” You laughed. “Go on.”

“I own a lot of striped t-shirts.” He listed. “Tris says they make me look like a little boy.”

“Good, good. Striped t-shirts are always good to have in a partner.” You teased as you texted your head on his shoulder. Brads cheeks dusted over with a deep pink as he rested his head on top of yours.

“I’ve got a dog. She’s called Jesse. Do you like dogs?” He wrapped his arm around your shoulders to hold you closer.

“I love dogs. Especially big ones.” You snuggled into his side and fit your head in the crook of his neck.

“She’s a little bigger than she’s supposed to be but don’t tell her I said that.” Brad chuckled as he looked at you.

“Oh, I’m gonna tell her.” You smiled.

“Please don’t.” He pouted as he looked down at you. “She’ll be mad at me.”

“I guess I’ll keep your secret.” You rolled your eyes. “Only because your dog is cute and I want to meet her.”

“I’m sure she’d love to meet you. She loves people.” Brad told you as he used his free hand to pull up a picture of his dog.

“Wait, I love her.” You gushed as you looked at the picture. “If I meet her in person I might have to commandeer her.”

“You could. Or you could just marry me and then we can share her.” Brad suggested cheekily.

“Yeah, that might be easier.” You smiled as you laced your fingers through the hand that was around your shoulders.

“Probably.” Brad agreed. “Does that make us engaged?”

“I don’t see a ring.” You held out your free hand. “How can you propose without a ring?”

“I haven’t got a ring. What if I give you this ring pop?” Brad took a ring pop off his bedside table and presented it to you.

“What flavor is it?” You narrowed your eyes at him.

“Watermelon.” Brad read the package.

“I accept.” You smiled and took the ring pop from him.

“Then we’re engaged.” Brad nuzzled his chin against the top of your head.

“Wow. I can’t believe we went from friends to engaged in one video.” You noted as you pretend to admire your pop ring.

“A lot can happen when you get in bed with Brad.” Brad smirked so you playfully smacked him.

“So I see.” You giggled.

“I think that’s all the time we have for this week.” Brad sat up a little. “Y/n, thank you very much for joining me in bed. It’s been lovely having you.”

“Pleasure was all mine. Thanks for having me.” You smiled as you leaned into him.

“Anytime.” He squeezed your shoulder before sitting up. “I believe that’s a wrap.”

Brad got out of the bed to turn the camera off, the cold air hitting your side the moment he left. You crawled to the edge of the bed and watched as he turned the camera off. You had a strange feeling in your tummy as you watched his curls fall into his face. You already missed the close proximity from when you were lying there together. You and Brad weren’t strangers to these flirtatious moments, but today felt different. Today felt real.

“How long do you have until the show?” You asked as you sat up on your knees. Brad stopped fumbling with the camera and met you at the edge of the bed, chuckling as he smoothed your bed head.

“About two hours until sound check.” He explained as he tried to comb his fingers through your hair. “Then another hour after that. Why?”

“You wanna spend it with me?” You smiled slightly as you rose up on your knees to be closer to his height. Brad stopped touching your hand and let his hands rest on your shoulders as he gulped nervously. Whatever you were feeling, he was feeling it to. Cuddling in the bed made you both realize just how right it felt to be together.

“Did you have something in mind?” He mumbled as he rubbing his thumb along your cheek. You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth as you tugged on collar of his pajamas.

“Just one thing.” You mumbled as you pulled him in for a kiss.

#brad simpson x reader #brad simpson x you #brad simpson fanfiction #brad simpson fluff #the vamps x you #cherry blossom

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tipsycad147 · 3 years

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Sleep Paralysis. Legends, Dangers and Magic

By The Alchemist

Sleep Paralysis sounds pretty modern as a term. However, it’s old as time. Nocturnal Witches, both ancient and modern, are quite familiar with both the term and the state itself. Priests and Priestesses of the Ancient Times, knew all about this pretty frightening state. What did they know back then? Do we know the whole truth? This article will try to shed some witchy light on this dark subject.

Sleep Paralysis and Nocturnal Witchcraft

The Nocturnal Witchcraft is full of surprises, dangers and opportunities. Although it’s not for everyone, the Craft of the Night is enticing and has so much to teach all of us. We’ve learned the Light is Good and Darkness is Bad. This mistaken belief is what tears us apart from the inside. You see, Darkness is as good as the Light. Both give us the balance we need. Don’t be mistaken. Darkness is essential. Do not mess Darkness with Evil. Don’t give in religious propaganda. Light can also be evil and deceiving.

Green Witchcraft II: Balancing Light & Shadow, by Llewellyn Publications, get it from Amazon here

In the Ancient times, priests of the God of Healing, Asclepius, used to initiate a sleep state for their worshippers in order to find the cure of their disease. Darkness was essential to find the cure. Moreover, priests of Hades, God of the underworld, went over a similar procedure in order to contact the Souls of the Dead and learn more. Darkness is equally sacred as the Light.

Sleep Paralysis in Witchcraft and the Old Religion

The first documented account of Sleep Paralysis is written on a Chinese book of Dreams in the 4th century b.C. Since then, ancient Greek and Roman doctors have written about this experience. Sleep paralysis was always linked with supernatural forces and entities from another Realm.

Sleep Paralysis ONLY occurs at Night.

This is quite interesting and it was noticed from the ancient times too. That’s where the word ‘nightmare’ comes from!

What Does ‘Nightmare’ means?

The world ‘nightmare’ which now just means bad dream, is actually a world for Sleep Paralysis. It comes from ‘night’ and the Scandinavian ‘mara‘, which is the female demon, a succubi, who loves to sit on a sleeping person’s chest, suffocating him or her. This creature is also known as ‘the Night Hag‘, ‘Old Mara‘ or ‘the Old Hag‘. It’s difficult not to notice the same word, ‘mara‘ is the sanskrit word to describe the Lord of Evil, similar to ‘Satan‘.

victim of sleep paralysis and astral demons

Astral Demons and Sleep Paralysis

All over the World, the same story goes on and on. In most cases a spirit sits on your chest trying to such your vital energy. Most of the times this is a female entity but in many cases it’s also a male or an animal entity. Due to Witchcraft, these entities might either be:

Astral Demons feasting on someone’s astral energy

Psychic / Astral vampires draining your vitality

Evil Witches attacking their victim causing a ‘psychic attack’, probably engaging in Witch Wars

An Evil Witch’s familiar attacking the witch’s victim causing a ‘psychic attack’, probably engaging in Witch Wars

Who is Old Mara. A Night Demon of misty Scandinavia

According to the Nordic belief, ‘Mara’ is a damned woman who is cursed to travel around at nights and sit on villagers’ chests, causing them nightmares while snuffing their vital energy. Hence, she is a succubus, a female astral demon of vampiric nature.

One of the oldest yet very famous artwork of sleep paralysis, is Henry Fuseli’s 1781 painting ‘The Nightmare’. This painting features probably all the infamous symptoms of sleep paralysis. In this painting we can clearly see a demon – ‘Mara’ – sitting on the chest of sleeping lady. What we can also see are several quite strange and otherworldly creatures sneaking in her bedroom.

The Astral Demon of the Night in Melanesia

Far far away from Norway, in Melanesian islands, sleep paralysis is interpreted as ‘kana tevoro‘ which literally means getting eaten by the demon. Again, this is a damned spirit who is somehow bound in the material plane becoming a hungry ghost to haunt the living relatives who keep grudge with.

According to their customs, this possession might get handy! Hence, people around should say ‘kania, kania‘ which means ‘eat, eat!‘ in an attempt to prolong the possession and have the chance to chat with the soul hence looking for answers in the matter of why he or she has returned. Here’s when it get’s even creepier. The individual awakening from the experience is asked to pursue the soul of the dead relative. This confrontation is believed to be the only solution. There is actually a 2014 short movie about that story!

The Astral Demon around the Mediterranean Sea

In Greece, it is believed that sleep paralysis occurs when a demonic old lady named Mora (again remember sanskrit Mara, the devil), sits on the victims chest trying to steal it’s breath and energy. A little South from Greece, in Egypt, this spirit is believed to be the spirit of an evil African Queen (probably one who possessed magical powers like Bilqis – Queen of Sheeba ). In Turkish culture, sleep paralysis is often referred to as karabasan (“the dark presser/assailer”).

Nightmare (1800) after Henry Fuseli’s The Nightmare (1781).

Night Witches, Witch Trials and Sleep Paralysis

Sleep paralysis was used as ‘evidence’ during the Witch Craze in Salem. In 1692 accused witch Susan Martin had told Robert Downer that “some She-Devil would shortly fetch him away”. About that night, Robert Downer said that “as he lay in his bed, there came in at the window, the likeness of a cat, which flew upon him, took fast hold of his throat, lay on him a considerable while, and almost killed him.”

According to these accounts, Evil Witches brought demons, who possessed these people causing them sleep paralysis.

What is Sleep Paralysis?

But first things first. Let’s give a definition. Sleep paralysis is the feeling similar to waking up, hence being conscious yet unable to move or speak from a few seconds up to a few minutes. Some people may also feel pressure on their chest, belly or a weird sense of choking. It occurs when a person passes between stages of sleep.

When does it Occur?

Most likely, Sleep paralysis occurs in the Nighttime. It usually happens during the Witching Hour, which makes things even more ‘magically’ complicated.

A Witch’s View on ‘Sleep Paralysis’

Sleep Paralysis is indeed a bewitching time. No matter how hard scientists try to explain what is happening, the stories speak for themselves. Yes it can be traced back to the transitions or REM and NREM sleep states, yet this does not excludes the magical phenomena which co-exist.

These hypnagogic states, were always useful in Witchcraft, as we have managed to isolate our senses, paralyzed our material bodies in order to have full access to our magical potential and astral energy. ‘Sleep Paralysis’ can be caused with Hypnosis as it’s such a powerful state of awareness. In fact, deep meditation tries to imitate this state.

As previously discussed in our article on Astral Projection “…the Truth though is that, Sleep Paralysis is only a step before Astral Projection. While in Sleep Paralysis, your body is totally relaxed but the Astral Body is activated. Thus your magical and psychic powers are on alert identifying entities and creatures around you of the same essence, the astral essence. Of course it comes natural to get scared by a negative entity therefore wake up and remember what you’ve experienced in the state of Sleep Paralysis.”

In other words, sleep paralysis is much more common. You are just more capable of remembering a scary experience rather than a relaxing one.

Conclusions:

YES, these scary creatures you see are real. They are actually astral demons and vampiric entities. That’s why we have protection rites all over our magazine.

YES, these entities try to suck your energy either you’re sleeping or not.

NO, this is not what causes the paralysis. You are just transiting between sleep conditions. It’s a hypnagogic state EXTREMELY useful.

YES, thanks to your higher awareness due to sleep paralysis, you are able to recognize these creatures.

YES, you are safe! Especially when in sleep paralysis or while astral traveling you are more protected than usual because you are more aware of your spiritual self and you can conjure powers from your Guardian Angel.

Witchy Solution: In order to protect yourself from these entities, one needs to place a silver dime under his/her pillow. Silver is believed to keep vampiric demons away.

In conclusion Sleep Paralysis is safe and the doorway to the Astral Plane.

Have you Ever Experienced Sleep Paralysis?

https://www.magicalrecipesonline.com/2018/05/sleep-paralysis-legends-dangers-and-magic.html

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hopelessly-me · 3 years

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Winterhawk in a haunted house

Hehehehe. Okay so- I didn't know what flavor of haunted house you wanted- like paranormal or jump scare. But I went with paranormal. Anyway, I hope you enjoy! Winterhawk, rated T. Mostly silly and goofy but probably contains a swear word or twelve. 1868 words.

“Spooky spooky spooky,” Clint muttered as he climbed the stairs inside the old Victorian house, using his flashlight to check the floor below them, half expecting someone to be standing there ominously. Just the thought of it raised the hairs on the back of his neck.

“Clint,” Bucky said, half annoyed from the sounds of it. “There’s no such thing as ghosts.”

“Yeah, I used to not believe in aliens too,” Clint said as Bucky reached the top floor and looked either way before turning right. “And then I met gods and had an alien try to makeout with me, and then Venom did makeout with me.”

“Not sure those things correlate, doll,” Bucky said gently as he opened a door and peeked into a room. “Oh hey look, it’s you,” Bucky said brightly before he flashed a light into the room, illuminating a few dozen dolls. “You’re my doll, and these are some dead person’s dolls.” Clint glowered at Bucky, not amused. “Come on. Six hours and we can go.”

“I really don’t see why I have to be punished for you losing a bet with Sam,” Clint grumbled, leaving that room and hoping that was the only room with those porcelain abominations in it.

“Yeah, I thought that was implied in the whole ‘til death do us part’ part of our marriage contract,” Bucky replied, closing the door after Clint. “I have to deal with your stupid shit, so you are stuck doing my stupid shit. Forever.”

“Charming. Romantic even. Ten out of ten recommend,” Clint rambled on.

Everything about this house screams demon in the basement. The furniture was old and covered in fabric which was under inches of dust. The shades on the lamps were at least from the fifties, cobwebs in the shades and gleaming off the metallic bases, shimmering in the dim light. The floorboards creaked under even the slightest amount of pressure.

It was spooky and Clint hated spooky. It was right up there with magic, might even be tied for first place. He could handle fake haunted houses- he had done them when he was in the circus, learned how to pickpocket that way even. But places that were rumored to be haunted? Yeah- that’s where Clint threw in the towel.

“Spooky spooky spooky,” Clint whispered as he followed behind Bucky as they toured the house, Bucky holding a camcorder like the old man he was. But was Clint going to comment on it? No. Because that old man was the only thing between him and whatever creature from hell lived in the basement. If push came to shove, Clint was fairly certain he would sacrifice Bucky and take off running. That might result in a divorce but… Clint had been divorced before, right? He could handle being divorced.

“Clint.”

“Leave me alone,” Clint sang as he peered into a bathroom. Back in the day, Clint had a feeling this bathroom was glorious- the tub alone was so deep he was pretty sure he could properly soak in it. Now- it was lackluster at best. Clint closed the door and caught a glimpse of Bucky as he went to go back downstairs.

“Why do you believe in ghosts anyway?” Bucky asked as they walked into the kitchen. The kitchen from hell. The murder room. It looked like a murder room.

“Agnes from the circus,” Clint answered.

“She was a con.”

“Oh, she was definitely a con when it came to reading people, but she wasn’t a con when it came to a lot of other things,” Clint answered. “She’s the one who taught me not to whistle in the woods, and to leave weird things found in the woods alone.” Bucky reached to pick something up and Clint slapped his hand. “No.”

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” Bucky said, turning around, camera coming closer to Clint. “Tell everyone how much fun you are having, sunshine.”

Clint narrowed his eyes. “I would rather drink bleach than stay in here overnight.”

“Clint.”

“I mean, yay, look at me, having so much fun,” Clint said in a monotone voice. Bucky rolled his eyes. “Just so we are clear, if Mothman climbs out of the basement, I am shoving you down the stairs and running for it.”

“You know what? If Mothman comes out from that basement, you don’t even have to push me,” Bucky said with far too much confidence for Clint’s taste. “I will gladly stand between you and a Lunar moth.” Bucky turned around and walked. “How about this? Why don’t we talk about something else to get your mind off of whatever Agnes traumatized you with.”

“Yeah, sure- let’s make that attempt,” Clint said.

“Since I am forced to do this as punishment… why don’t we gossip about the others?” Bucky asked. “Like… did you know Sam actually owns more Avengers merch than he admits to?”

“... he what?” Clint asked.

“Yep. I raided his apartment one day when he was gone because I was going to set up a prank and I looked in his closet. He has a Captain America teddy bear,” Bucky said.

“You’re lying.”

“Swear on my mother’s grave,” Bucky said. “He has Cap bear, and a Iron Man figurine.”

For what it was worth, Bucky was very good at distracting Clint from their situation. Clint was into the gossip, whether it was Bucky telling him things or Clint sharing what he knew, careful to skirt over anything about Natasha because he didn’t have a death wish. And when they weren’t gossiping, they were talking about needing to go for a grocery run and needing to buy new pet beds because Lucky had decided the beds were stuffed animals. Which then turned into needing to send Lucky to Kate and America’s for a bit so they could take a vacation. Clint wanted a beach vacation- any excuse to lay under the sun was his favorite thing. Bucky wanted to go tour historical sites, which Clint knew he would cave to because he liked seeing the wonder in Bucky’s eyes when he toured sites he had only heard about or seen on television. Scratch that- he was a sucker for anything that Bucky did. Since when did he become a sap?

They finally settled down and were sitting in the living room, both of them wordlessly agreeing that sitting on the furniture wasn’t an option so they cuddled up in a corner. Bucky had set up a lantern so they could see what was around them, and they used their sleeping bags under their legs to prop them up better. Clint reached over and held Bucky’s hand and fiddled with his wedding ring, smiling as it gleamed. Bucky took care of that ring like he did his arm. He was constantly cleaning it, checking to make sure it was perfect. Clint was currently on replacement ring number three- which averaged to one ring per year so he was taking that as a win.

The conversation fell and Clint snuggled up, resting his head against Bucky’s shoulder. He was exhausted, unable to sleep the night before. Clint went to close his eyes, maybe take a nap, and that’s when he heard it- a creak on the floor above them. He tightened his hold on Bucky’s hand and looked up.

“Its an old house,” Bucky reminded Clint. “And it’s windy out. Creaks are going to happen.”

Clint nodded and settled in again. Bucky was right- houses settled and creaks, and the wind was howling outside occasionally. But then the creak happened again before he heard what sounded like a boot step, followed by another step, and another. And they had toured that house, twice, top to bottom, minus the basement because Clint outright refused, and there was nowhere anyone could have hidden that they wouldn’t have seen. They were trained, for goodness sake- if there was a place to hide, they would have checked it.

The creaking ended at the top of the stairs and Clint and Bucky both leaned over to peer up the stairs. “Someone probably snuck in here and is trying to mess with us. Probably Natasha.”

“Probably my sleep paralysis demon catching up to me,” Clint muttered.

Bucky turned his head to look at Clint. “I understood that reference and I worry about you.” Bucky got up. “I’m going to go check.”

“You’re kidding me, right? I know you have watched horror movies. That never ends well,” Clint insisted.

“I love you but you need to start taking therapy seriously,” Bucky said, grabbing his flashlight and heading towards the stairs.

“As if you are one to talk. How many knives you got on you?” Clint retorted. “Not that you can stab a ghost to death.” Bucky waved him off and stood at the bottom of the stairs and looked up, slowly moving his flashlight to get a better image. Clint half-assed crawled over a few places to take a peek for himself.

“Well, I don’t get to stab a ghost because there is no such thing as-” Bucky began to say before there was a noise from the kitchen. Bucky frowned and turned his flashlight. “... definitely Natasha. She uses windows.”

“Hey! Hey! You can’t just leave me here,” Clint said, scrambling to get us. “Again. Horror movies. Respect the horror movies.” Bucky just waved him off and disappeared into the kitchen. “... dammit.” Clint snatched his flashlight on his way to the kitchen to follow Bucky. “Listen, I know you think it’s dumb but I really think- Buck?”

Bucky was staring at the floor, his head tilted to the side. Clint walked over to him and looked at a knife that was on the floor. Clint’s eyes traveled from the knife over the cabinets, every single one of them open.

“You alright?” Clint asked.

“It… just came flying out,” Bucky said. He reached out and waved his hand around before he picked up the knife, using his flashlight to inspect it. “But there’s no string attached.” Clint leaned over Bucky and looked at the knife as well, frowning.

“Spooky.”

A noise caught their attention and they both looked over at the basement door. It sounded like someone coming up the stairs, heavy footsteps and creaking boards. Clint slowly started to stand up, ready to run at a moment’s notice.

But just as quickly as all the noises came, everything seemed to stop. Clint hadn’t realized he was gripping onto the back of Bucky’s shirt, slowly letting it go and smoothing it out. Bucky was starting to lose his tension, his muscles starting to relax it seemed.

“So… that was weird,” Bucky commented. “Should we go-”

“You will have to drag my corpse to that basement if you want me to go with you,” Clint said. “I want to go find a corner, I want to take my hearing aids out, and I want to sleep. Or try to sleep.”

Bucky turned and smiled, reaching a hand up to hold Clint’s face. “I promise that if I see Mothman or… whatever… I will wake you up and let you have the headstart.”

Clint smiled a little and leaned down and kissed him. “My hero,” he murmured against Bucky’s lips.

#winterhawk #spooky season prompts #a wild prompt appeared #thanks for the fun prompt!

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concubuck · 2 years

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(( i really love it here, I love that yall can have actually respectful conversations about "weird shit" AND "weird kinks". Also the pennywise style dentata/lamprussy is something some people are into, yeah. Shark tooth dentata is kind of common on that side of tumblr actually, so Alastor would be genuinely popular with a lot of pennywise fuckers! Him not running into them much leads me to believe they're either going to heaven, or just not dying yet and he'll be getting popular later. If he stays a succubus that long. ))

((Thank you for your valuable IT fandom input. Logically fans of Pennywise probably just aren't old enough to have started dying en masse yet but "Pennywise-fuckers go to heaven" is SO much funnier, thank you so much for that.

God going like "ok so I'm gonna say stealing from your neighbor's a sin... cheating on your spouse, sin... murder is DEFINITELY a sin..."

"Sir, what about fucking monster clowns?"

"Cancels the rest of that shit out. Free pass to Heaven."

in 50 years alastor's gonna have been promoted into some kind of terrify-old-people-to-death sleep paralysis demon and he's gonna come for some little old grandma in a retirement home with a whole face full of teeth and she's gonna go "oh! You're just like that clown i loved so much ♡" and he's gonna be like "... ok I don't do the succubus thing anymore but you're an absolute freak and i respect freaks, I'll make an exception for you"))

#((i don't actually know what he'll be doing in 50 years))#((I feel like fangs of various sorts play well in most tumblr fandoms these days))#((like you'd expect it out of hazbin or IT or venom but not like... transformers? yet it's there too))#((never seen much love for vag dentata tho. i hope that's a trend that spreads. that's a 'weird shit' kink that deserves to be promoted))#anonymous #ask #ooc

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aceofshitposts · 3 years

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I saw that you like CATS the musical. What are your thoughts on the movie?

AAAAH AHHAHA oh man oh boy y'all should BUCKLE IN cuz it's a ride

my simple thoughts? it's entertaining if only because it butchered the stage show so badly in an attempt to idk modernize it? Well, modernization is one part of it I think. The other part I'll go into below lol. I don't necessarily hate some of the more modern renditions of the songs (mostly the ensemble sets like Jellicle Song for Jellicle Cats) but then others are just... so poorly done it's insulting.

I've said this at the end of this whole rant too but I'm gonna put it up here in case people don't (justifiably) wanna see me go on and on about it:

The movie wasn't made for fans of the musical. It was made to make money and I believe they choose, at least partially, to do that through making it the weirdest and worst possible adaptation they could so that people would want to go see the train wreck. Which, really, worked! It was all people could talk about for a good while so like... Goal achieved, I guess.

A MUCH MORE COMPREHENSIVE ANALYSIS UNDER THE CUT cuz i don't wanna. flood your dash with... this

ALRIGHT SO. Most of my friends know I'm actually a huge fan of new adaptations of things. I love remakes (provided the people making it are coming at it with some form of heart and not just... cash grabbing which is more often the case) I love seeing other peoples interpretations of characters, or changing settings. It's one of the reasons I like American comics so much, getting to see different writers takes is fascinating.

I think musical movies can be wonderful ways to introduce people to a stage show that might have been unavailable to them otherwise! Chicago, for example, is one of the BEST musical to movie adaptations in my opinion. It kept the heart of the show, it's funny and the song numbers are done really well.

There are of course other famous examples, such as Grease or Bye Bye Birdie. Hairspray was also a wonderful take. These are simply off the top of my head, there are of course more.

CATS in particular has a history. If you go through my CATS tag you may see a few posts from @catsnonreplica which posts photos from non broadway productions of CATS! It's a fascinating read and I love, love, love looking at the other interpretations of the characters! CATS is a musical full of fun and wonderful characters if you take the time to see past the ridiculousness haha and the Korean and Japanese runs of CATS especially have some of my favourites.

How does this relate to the movie, I hear you say well. As you might has noticed the movie's interpretations of the characters is........ lackluster at best and downright uncanny valley at best.

CATS is, at its core, a ridiculous thing. I will fully admit that! But it's fun, it's entertaining and if you pay a little attention you can actually get the plot. (Honestly I don't understand when people complain it has no plot but that's a whole other rant for another day)

The movie was... obsessed with this idea of like... semi realism? Like obviously, as a fan, I think they should have leaned into the over the top character designs but instead we got...w ell:

Bombalurina:

Demeter left and Bomba right. Demeter was actually cut! From the movie which is. upsetting lmao.

Macavity is one of the worst offenders for me:

Macavity was... I wish I could know what the hell they were thinking there cuz it's even in his song? Ginger cat??? THAT IS NOT... A GINGER CAT...... but I digress. I would show more examples but I think you get the point.

So. We've butchered the characters appearances. Okay that's fine but what about their personalities?

ALSO BUTCHERED.

There's... there's a lot to unpack here. Just for context: the Jellicle Ball happens once a year and the Jellicle leader chooses a single cat to be reborn into a new life. In the stage play all the cats who are nominated for this honour are on the older side (Jenny-Any-Dots, Bustopher Jones, Skimbleshanks, Gus The Theatre Cat, and eventually Grizzabella) AND are always nominated by another cat. Not themself, unlike the movie where they all seem to nominate themselves.

Jenny-Any-Dots went from a doting grandmother figure who's celebrated for her selfless volunteering and tireless work into a conceited, vain younger cat who is obsessed with fame.

It's an incredibly strange dichotomy. I don't doubt some of it isn't the result of the uh people playing the characters honestly. I do think some of them did the best they could! I don't really blame Jason Derulo, for example, for Tugger. And honestly, Tugger was probably closest to his stage version (while being a trouble maker, he's shown to show Deuteronomy an immense amount of respect)

Speaking of Tugger! This will bring us to one of the biggest grievances with the movie and that is how they handled Mr Mistoffelees.

So... Ugh. So. We have Victoria as the pov character, which imo is like whatever in the grand scheme of things, and then we have Misto who they have decided will be get live interest cuz... Of course. Misto is shown throughout the musical to be awkward, unsure of himself and well. Really, kinda incompetent. Which is Wild cuz in the stage show he might be aloof but he's fairly confident in his powers.

So, Old Deuts gets kidnapped. In the stage show Tugger is the one to bring Misto forward! It's really quite sweet, imo, and I'm showing myself as a Tuggoffelees shipper here, but again Tugger is previously shown to be pretty conceited but then here he is boosting and hyping up Misto to bring Deuteronomy back. My friends and I have lovingly dubbed this the boyfriend hype song.

SOMEHOW. The movie manages to make this, easily, the MOST BORING number in the whole thing. Which, again, WILD. Misto awkwardly stumbles through his whole song, which again is... Boasting of his supreme magical powers which movie Misto clearly. Does not have or believe to have. The song, to me, feels super awkward and unnecessarily drawn out in the movie which sucks cuz it's one of my favourites in the show.

The declawing (heh) of Mr Mistoffelees actually reminds me strongly of how they changed Gaston in the live action Beauty and the Beast movie. He's gone from a beloved figure in the animated movie to someone so disliked in the town that Le Fou has to pay people off to say nice things about him. It's just. Wild character choices were made!!

Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat is probably my favourite in movie non ensemble number. It feels the most... Genuine? Compared to the other nomination songs.

Other problems include but are not limited to:

The inconsistent size scale of the CATS which throws me off constantly.

The weirdly overt sexual overtones added to MANY of the songs (Jenny and Bustopher being the worst)

This is just a personal gripe and opinion but I don't like that they used the UK version of Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer. The American version is both better known and tbh way more fun. Teazer's giggle? Adds ten years to my life every time.

Victoria's added solo song, Beautiful Ghosts, while I like the song as a song it doesn't fit the style of message of the musical. In the movie she's singing directly to Grizzabella who's being an outcast for years that she should be grateful she even has memories of being part of the tribe?? What?? But I know they had to add an original song to be able to be nominated for awards in like the Grammys n shit (which is why all musical movies will have an original song, fun fact!!) kinda funny they went to the effort though considering........... I don't think anyone could have genuinely believed CATS 2019 was gonna win anything but golden rhaspberries.

Movie Mr Mistoffelees has made repeated appearances as my sleep paralysis demon

The various cut characters, shout outs to Jemima, Demeter and Jellylorum especially

Bombalurina being a henchman to Macavity rubs me the wrong way

God I've written... So much. You probably get it by now haha. Like I said at the beginning, I try to go into any adaptation with an open mind but... Let's be honest, this movie wasn't marketed to people who are fans of the musical.

It was marketed, and made, to make money. And they choose to do that through, I think, intentionally making the worst possible version ever. Bad press is still press and the more outrageous people said the movie was the more people wanted to go see exactly what kind of train wreck it was.

Which is a disservice to the stage show, honestly, and all the people who've worked on it over the years.

But what can we do, right?

And besides all that, I do... Still own the movie version and I do still rewatch it on occasion. It is entertaining even if it's in a train wreck kind of way. I usually end up watching the 1998 version, then 2019 and then various tour runs that are on YouTube. (I highly recommend the 2016 tour, it's very good)

So in conclusion. It's fun (?) to watch. I enjoy picking things apart and doing analysis (if you couldn't tell!) so like... I don't hate it?

It did what it set out to do, I guess, and I can't fault it for that but. It's not a fair metre with which to judge the stage show imo. But I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, haha.

Jazz hands. I'm more than happy to elaborate or just chat about CATS if anyone wants! I grew up listening to the Broadway CD since I was a toddler so it's been! A very long standing obsession haha. Probably the only other thing on par with CATS is my obsession with Jurassic Park which I've also been a fan of since I was 3 (but that's a whole story in and of itself)

#astrix thoughts #cats the musical #Thanks for the opportunity to talk about one of my hyperfixations anon!#And to anyone who reads this whole mess lmao

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infinitelytheheartexpands · 3 years

Text

Responses from the Opera Screencaps Captioning Quiz

Hello, everyone, and thank you for taking my quiz! I had SO MUCH fun reading your captions-- there were several times I literally started crying from laughing so hard at the amazingness of your work! With that in mind, the captions (which I will continue to add onto as more people take it):

(also, thank you to @dichterfuerstin for translating the German captions I got)

originally taken from: the Wiener Staatsoper’s 2020 production of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Die Entführung aus dem Serail, featuring Regula Mühlemann (center) as Blonde, Michael Laurenz (right) as Pedrillo, and an unnamed extra (left) as the Grim Reaper

Responses:

(Backstage warm-up) “ok so someone dropped the pulse”

me and my friends watching the fire burn after doing arson

Introducing the polycule to the parents

*boom* ... did...you guys hear that too?

Ma Signor !

Knight in whinging armour gone wrong, look at how he holds the egg. Polyamory with weird knight and death.

the father, son and the holy ghost are very gay

the gays meeting for brunch, 2021, colorized

chicken lady forces death and a very flamboyantly homosexual anthropomorphized pink bird to be parents of her egg (they dont want to be)

That’s just me and my friends on our night out (before covid rip)-- closest

A Good Friday night

good omens (2019)

["the pocket guide to boy/girl/mischief" meme] who's the boy and who's the mischief though????

Papageno and Papagena take their first-born egg trick-or-treating

Angry Birds - The Musical. A pig stole an egg and the bird unites with death to take revenge.

I love my bird wife

Someone got murdered during the funky chicken dance

throuple murders child and steals sibling of said child

When you and your friends have widely different tastes in literature

angel leading twink to his rightful place (hell)

draco malfoy from a very potter musical and a death eater are very much in the wrong show

What have I gotten myself into

Mlm/wlw solidarity but I’m not telling who is who

A woman stands with a pink dipshit with an egg and a reaper.

A bird-couple makes a pact with Death, sacrificing their first-born bird-child in order to bring good luck upon their unborn bird-baby

There are three types of people on Halloween:

Uh oh, I don’t think the mother hen is very happy about this...

oh god, they’ve invented seussical. It’s too early!

gay brunch

Three little maids from school are we

guys maybe if we dress gay enough we can distract everyone from the dead flapper bee in the back

those three killed a duck for her egg and are facing the conswquences.

Duck has egg with human, shocked and upset due to biological impossibility

When you bout to make a banging omelet so you invite your fellow queers

"No mortal man could pass that egg, but heaven shall repair your rectum."

originally taken from: the Salzburg Festival’s 2007 production of Hector Berlioz’s Benvenuto Cellini, featuring Maija Kovalevska (left) as Teresa Balducci, Laurent Naouri (center, in chimney) as Fieramosca, and Burkhard Fritz (right) as Benvenuto Cellini

Responses:

“In this same interlude it doth befall That I, one Snout by name, present a wall; And such a wall, as I would have you think, That had in it a crannied hole or chink, Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, Did whisper often very secretly. This loam, this rough-cast and this stone doth show That I am that same wall; the truth is so: And this the cranny is, right and sinister, Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.” - a midsummer night’s dream, act v scene 1

"ah yes a prime specimen. see here, right in this box is our one of a kind hob goblin that can be all yours for the low low price of your soul"

what, YOU don't have a special eavesdropping chimney window?

Hänsel und Gretel plotting against the witch

man takes a wrong turn and ends up in a chimney, catches his girlfriend cheating-- closest

when you end up third wheeling the straight couple

lady cheats on her leather jacket wearing scummy boyfriend and when he unexpectedly comes home she hides the lover in the chimney

A straight girl and her gay best friend gossip about stuff idk

Idk Shakespeare?

experimental couples therapy feat. the chimney mf from mary poppins

Area Couple Inadvertently Traps Santa-in-Training in Chimney as they Attempt Rooftop Flirting

Landlords laugh over student renter's misfortune

I never asked for this

Ay yo lil mama lemme whisper in your ear

voyeurist listens to sandy and Danny from grease

Psssst! Did you hear about Susan? You won’t believe it!

lady and the tramp meets beauty and the beast?

human trafficking

And for just $30 you too could have your own tiny brick cage!

Psst I’m wearing assless chaps under this dress

A couple tortures a man in a box.

It's all fun and games being stuck in a chimney until your greasy uncle steals your crush from right above you-- okay ngl this could actually be a great Don Pasquale concept

Taking eavesdropping to the next level

Will you two stop being lovey dovey and let me out? SUMMER LOVIN, HAPPENED SO FAST—

overhearing how people talk about you when they think they're alone puts you in the shithouse

Does he know we can see him?

dear god, i am so fucking hungry, yall please just do whatever heterosexuals do so i can go eat a popsicle

the human version of the trash man from sesame street is realizing that those two are going to fuck on his trash can

Tmw you capture an angry short dude and start trashtalking him where he can hear

Omg what if we kissed but we actually kissed the lil goblin man under us

"Remember, don't feed him after midnight"

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Leonardo Estevez (right, on fake horse) as Le Comte d’Oberthal

Responses:

“When I said we needed to drain the swamp I didn’t think there were people actually living there”

horse? what horse? no sir i dont know what horse youre referring to.

definitely don't have a napoleon complex going on

King stole La Scala‘s Lohengrin set

king breaks all his horses, has to use statue dragged by servants as transportation because he’s too kingly too walk

Emperor Söder and his subjects on a carnival procession

man on horse makes a big deal out of being on a horse

That’s not Zeffirelli because the horse is not alive

Who the fuck put a horse on the stage

isn't this that picture of napoleon on the horse

Area Count Thinks Citizens will be Intimidated by his Extremely Fake-looking Horse Statue-- closest

Everyone wants their turn on the giant plaster horse. Police are there to make sure everyone waits their turn.

Night out with the lads

Local royalty horrified at the state of his own damn kingdom

gay army fights different gay aesthetics-- hi author how does it feel to be the funniest fucking person on this quiz

Well at least I LOOK badass

ceasar if he hadn't gotten stabbed (colourised)

some soldiers jumped out of my kindergarten fairytale collection book to burn the don carlos flemish deputies at the stake

It’s just a model

Is that how you feel pulling up in your Honda Civic, Madge?

Someone rides a horse statue in public.

Just a normal party with the bros.

what is this, some kind of crossover episode?

Terribly sorry for all the fuss, it’s just, that is, my horse is afraid of neck ruffles. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he’s—whoaaa there—he said he was a french courtier in a past life and he’s allergic to English fashion

Horse seller, listen to me! I am riding into battle. I need your strongest horse. - We have horses at home. - The horses at home:

All hail Incitatus the king

we are not ripping off shakespeare’s henry viii. what the fuck. this is about lenny xi you uncultured swine, go drown in a pit of your own farts

oh god is that hamilton

Guy Removed From Art Museum For Sitting On Statue, more at eleven

Gay <3

Officer: This horse... is a virgin! Crowd: *cheers*

originally taken from: the Parma Verdi Festival’s 2017 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Stiffelio, featuring Maria Katzarava (left) as Lina and Luciano Ganci (right) as Stiffelio

Responses:

That One kid in class

its a mEntAL BreAkDowN *final countdown but kazoo*

*record scratch* yeah, that's me. you're probably wondering how I got here-- closest

Dad keeps monologuing, teenager is done

left: all of my concerned friends, right: my emo ass having a very public mental breakdown

the demons in the corner of my room when im just trying to sleep

lady gets mansplained to (do i need to say more, we've all been there)

It’s probably an area baritone telling off an area soprano-- sorry; it’s a tenor. soprano is right though.

That was a fake horse in the last photo right?

child comes out as gay to father at a particularly bad time

dissociation solves everything

I can't believe it's not butter

Honey we talked about this

My sleep paralysis demon is Crowley from supernatural

child has nightmare of boring job

When you start dating a singer but he won’t stop practicing at night

just an average day in a hetero marriage

what do i do my wife's having period cramps again

Stop having an existential crisis. It’s time to sing!

“No son of mine will kin Gomez Addams under MY roof”

Crowley stares into space while a teen has post nut clarity.

When he wont stop reciting jordan peterson monologues!!

Do you realize how effed you are?

Ugh, not this lecture again! Dad’s Practicing For His Experimental Indie Band Again

asking your parents for help with your own personal situation and them just ranting off about what they went through instead of helping in any way

Will he shut up already!

no one tell him he’s yelling in the wrong direction, no one tell him plnsbdjddhdj

this kid is tired of his dad listening to rush limbaugh (a man who claimed to be pro life but died anyway)

Me internally vs externally

Daddy issues

originally taken from: the Grand Théâtre de Genève’s 2020 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Les Huguenots, featuring several chorus members

Responses:

It’s the deadly eye Of Poogley-pie. Look away, look away, As you walk by, ‘Cause whoever looks right at it Surely will die. It’s a good thing you didn’t … You did? … Good-bye. - shel Silverstein

why the fuckith? my good sir, i beg of you to put your pants back on

I hate this itchy hat

Titanic Extras hear that they have to do extra hours

people waiting to board the titanic watch someone fall off the plank

pov: you’re a time traveler

guy in the flatcap is embarrassed by patriotism and pathos

No idea. For some reason Le Marseillaise comes to mind

Is this from Harry Potter?

disneyland main street usa workers on strike

local tries to hide behind Newsies cap to avoid unpleasant but inevitable conversations. meanwhile, some very fashionable ladies look on.

"Thank fuck, 2020 was just a dream after all"

“We gather here today because this bitch got exactly what she deserved” “heaven!” “Stfu Stephanie she’s going to hell and we all know it”-- not quite but this basically happens later on in the opera (and act) so yeah (except the person in question very much Did Not Deserve It)

dc movie filter on bridgerton

america?

looks like my history teacher paused the prohibition documentary again

Who still wears page boy hats bro?

Coming out to a room of people who Already Knew That

Bitches are relieved at some party.

Several drunk people exiting getting off the subway attempting to seem sober and rational but realizing they have somehow lost all of their possessions

How tf do I act natural in this situation-- closest

“do you think any of them noticed that I don’t know the pledge of allegiance”

It's too fucking hot outside for this outfit

when hyyh yoonkook ending just hits different

pedestrians watch in horror as the triangle shirtwaist factory burns and the workers throw themselves out of the windows from a dozen stories up

Starting the pledge of allegiance be like

He's having a heart attack oh no oh god oh fuck

originally taken from: if I remember correctly, the Semperoper Dresden’s 2018 semi-staging of Johann Strauss II’s Die Fledermaus, with Jonas Kaufmann as Gabriel von Eisenstein

Responses:

“William Shakespeare wrote: "To thine own self be true And it must follow, as the night the day Thou canst not then be false to any man" I believe this wise statement best applies to a woman A blonde woman Over the past three years she taught me And showed us all That being true to yourself never goes out of style Ladies and gentlemen Our valedictorian: Elle Woods!” - legally blonde the musical

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

woooooorrrrd

Finally Jonas has graduated! It’s about time, considering he’s an international star.

what my professors think they look like

Prof. Dr. Dr. When someone tells him there are more than two genders

'and since you've now graduated high school, you'll be entering college etc. blablabla' .........meanwhile, there's a whole row of graduates daring each other to chug the cheap vodka one of them has brought in gallons (yes that happened at my graduation, lol)

Jonas darling baby <3-- can’t argue with that

I just realized I have no idea what the actual fuck happens in an opera

ok this one is just what jonas kaufmann always wears you can't fool me.

"as valedictorian i will share with you the importance of loving the floor"

"Yes, mother, my art degree will make me money!"

Graduation speakers are out, singers are in

Senior year takes a new meaninbg

mansplainer professor explains the concept of feminism to women

Your Prof when you finally turn in that missing assignment be like

younger boris johnson (derogatory)

jonas kaufmann retires from opera and takes up motivational speaking

What a fine graduation evening we’re having today

-70 points for slytherin you all have no swag

A man with a college hat sings.

An obviously greying actor trying to play a university student in a low-budget porn parody

How it feels to graduate high school after being held back for years

East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème brûlée, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor-

I may not have been "cool" in high school, but in ten years you will all be working for me!

I finally got my GED!

that one guy in ur intro to cultural anthropology class who mansplains to the professor somehow fucking graduated

he;s just graduating and taking his speech too serously idk

Graduation speeches with that one dude who got held back 3 times

Smrt

originally taken from: the Metropolitan Opera’s 2011 staging of Gioachino Rossini’s Le Comte Ory with Joyce DiDonato (left) as Isolier, Diana Damrau (center) as Countess Adèle, and Juan Diego Florez (right) as Le Comte Ory (disguised as a hermit)

Responses:

There is something very [disturbing grunts] About polyamorous couples - polyamorous, Chris Fleming

jinkies

femme fatale (including to herself)

I’ll have a threesome soon !

Hot guy walks by, everyone swoons.

thirdwheeling friend does not realize the other two are having sex

When your girlfriend had „just two beers“ again

jesus is exasperated about having to drag the two ladies towards doing what he needs them to do instead of purple dramatically declaring suicidal intent over the smallest trivial matters and red being equally dramatic about declaring that it's not the way! stay alive! i love you!!

The throuple is thriving

Get off the milf

orgy

my last three braincells because im a horny slut

countess receives too much love and is confused on how to react

Rasputin's lesser known romp with a much older czarina of russia

Woman's soul leaves body

Jesus and co. are worried after another woman gets pregnant without having sex

bisexual looks at photos of celebrity couples

When you go to the party to socialize with new people but your weirdo friend group starts getting clingy

Jesus cumming

one of those weird church christmas pageants but everybody's drunk

What have I done

Hozier??????????

Jesus assfucks some purple lady being hugged.

This time, the chick IS the magnet

An affair/threesome gone awry (2019 colorized)

What do you mean they canceled GLOW?

“I TOLD you it was cashmere!”

Are you wearing the - - The Gucci dress? Yes I am.

It's not what it looks like!

jesus is fucking that one cheerleader who grew up to be a suburban mom with one (1) super cool dress she stole from her kid who is desperately hugging her middle begging for it back because the spring fling is coming up and jason might actually make eye contact with her for more than three seconds.

jesus and mary magdaline and some other bitch

I’m at a bar and these drunk girls are flirting with me, do I lOOK GAY?!

Shrek 5, jesus's return

c. 2025 First attempt of an Officer and his Wife with a Handmaiden (colourized)

just about all of these are close lol

originally taken from: the Bolshoi Theater’s 1993 staging of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s The Maid of Orléans, featuring Nina Rautio (left) as Joan of Arc and Vyacheslav Pochapsky (right) as Thibaut d’Arc

Responses:

Don’t look, I’m still pooping

yall, the audacity of this man. he fuckin talked to me

*i can't even tell you how wrong you are* *it would be insulting to ME*-- closest

Cospeto!

„No I’m not talking to you, you keep cracking bad jokes!“ - „But I got another!“

when you’re mad at him but he says he’ll buy you food if you cheer up

When I’m wallowing in self-pity but my friends won’t comfort me

right: wanna fuck ;) left: yeah, fuck OFF lmao

Her face is screaming “don’t tell me what to do”

Yeah I got nothing

gay man tries to hit on a lesbian bc he thinks she's a twink. she's not amused but she's watching this happen anyway

me tired of MET's bullshit and them organising a Netrebko, known blackface apologist, a recital during Black History Month. (sorry im still fucking salty lol)

"stop smiling at me like that I'm trying to pout over here"

"I got fleas, you got fleas... wanna fuck?"

I have the best idea!

Haha nooooo don’t hit me with that bat you’re so sexxyy

lesbian is bothered by dilf

Me trying to flirt

if call me by your name was hetero and set in america

how many more dad jokes can i take before i explode

So. You’ve gotten yourself in a little pickle again.

What if we fought in the Russian revolution together ✨???????... unless??

Two people flirt in a poor place of town/

"If you ask me what I've got under this dirty, shapeless tunic one more time I swear to god I will kick your rotting teeth in"

You look like ur gonna kill me but ok

Really? You again?

Okay, I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, do you think it’s safe to—oh god, he’s still there.

Have you seen Godot?

she is tired of everyone’s shit. she has done so many derivatives it physically pains her to see a variable. dont test her. ur icarus rn.

idk pick better pictures-- I HAVE DIED THE SHEER AUDACITY AND HUBRIS I LOVE THIS

200% done with your crap

Homeless man has fucking legs of steel n is gonna show off his Russian dance moves

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2019 staging of Paul Dukas’ Ariane et Barbe-bleue, featuring Sophie Koch (right) as Ariane and I don’t remember who the person on the left is rip me

Responses:

The knight who wore this into battle sure was swaggy

dear god its hiddeous

Capitalism

Knight in shining armour gone even more wrong.

ghost contemplates the safety of spiky motorcycle helmet

„Stop! He feels bullied!“

'this is my newest take for jesus's crucifixion crown ...... what do you mean they already put him up'

That’s probably a really expensive magic helmet idk. IDK-- closest

Omg I love the adventure zone!

minesweeper (windows xp)

"Okay whatever you do don't touch the shiny spiky ball" "It's so shiny I wanna touch it"

Taking down the trash way too late

IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM

Darth Vader got stuck in the freezer.... again. Leia isn’t happy

Star Wars 2030

“And here is the very latest in motorcycle helmet trends” “Look, I only came to the mall for a pair of socks “

futuristic kkk

long-suffering jewelry store attendant really wants to retire

Put it down put it down put it down

“Hmm no you should see a doctor about that”

A weird ass crown is presented

The creation of sars-cov-2: an experimental Eurotrance nightclub art piece gone horribly wrong

How it feels to want something that u cant have

AND WE WILL CALL IT—SPIKE MAN actually do you think that’s too obvious?? Because of the—yeah, because of the spikes?? See, that’s what I’m worried about. I want it to be SCARY

I know it's risky but... lube me up

use the force luke.

that is a weird fleshlight

When you get an ugly gift and need to find a way to get rid of it, so your family member/friend offers to smash it

Touch the orb

originally taken from: the Opera Vlaanderen’s 2019 staging of Fromental Halévy’s La Juive, with Nicole Chevalier (left, with bottle) as Princess Eudoxie, Enea Scala (center, under table) as Prince Léopold, and Roy Cornelius Smith (right) as Éléazar

Responses:

When no one comes to your birthday party :(

fantastic, day 487 of mischief and they have yet to find my masterful hiding spot

i really wonder who he thinks he's playing footsie with

Marriage crisis. Reason sits under the table-- closest but not in the way you think (after all, the man under the table IS a tenor).

the last supper afterparty after jesus left

When you order the last supper on wish

espionage at the Politischer Rosenmontag

Probably the wrong opera but is that Leporello under the table

Now THIS is a Good Friday night

this was every birthday party i went to between the ages of 5 and 11

that awkward moment when you drop your fork under the table but when you re-emerge everyone else has left except one drunk lady and the guy trying to deal with her

After the last supper

Tfw you arrive to the dinner party too early and have to hide until a more fashionable hour

When the cishets aren’t home

waiter hides from customers

Nobody: My dog every time I’m eating:

what's left of the homies Jesus had dinner with

university chem lab experiment gone terribly wrong

I’ve been under the table FOR 30 MINUTES

Set your friends up by tossing them off under the table, they’ll think it’s each other n fall in luv

Someone hids under a table

"You're about to see an surreptitious-under-the-table-dick-sucking master at work"

5 yr old me trying to eat the desert under the table without my parents finding out be like:

They never invite me to their parties!

Just another girl’s night in

Oops! Didn’t notice you the table.

dionysus - bts (2019, colorized)

just a normal episode of eric andre (eric is the one under the table)

Just a normal day with the boys

Thievery

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Kate Aldrich (left, surrounded by women in white) as Fidès and John Osborn (center, looking like a Jesus doppelganger) as Jean de Leyde

Responses:

Hold up, is that Eggman above Jesus?

holy disco

Looks like Tannhäuser. Our lord and saviour Richard Wagner. Now I need to be saved from that.

catholicism

me defending pineapple on pizza (THANK YOU)

jesus but hes about to be abducted by the alien ufo above him

Emmmmmmm Heaven? Idk

Lord of the rings?

ewww christianity gross

"behold, I am Important"

"Seriously?? It's not ACTUALLY pyjama day? Fuck you guys!"

Jesus at the Disco

Jesus Finds The Molerat People Who Live Under Bethlehem

disco is heaven

Want to join my new religion?

the kkk

church christmas pageant where everyone's sober but it's based on the director's fever dream

Am I the only one who sees the giant demon? Just me? Okay...

“Oh god I think I’m starting my period”

A party is held with a priest in the middle

"Let's get this secret Vatican sex party rolling!"

The new avengers endgame set is looking great!!

You know, guys, I try not to be a bother but...I can’t help but feel like I missed a dress code memo for this wedding??? It’s cocktail, right??”

Jesus visits Hogwarts

I must really stink if no one will even come close to me

the extra ass funeral i DESERVE

star wars life day

A cult at it’s best-- closest

Shrek 5, Jesus is still there I guess

originally taken from: the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden’s 2013 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Les vêpres siciliennes, featuring Bryan Hymel (left, standing) as Henri, Lianna Haroutounian (center, kneeling in the black gown) as Duchess Hélène, and Erwin Schrott (kneeling to her right) as Jean Procida

Responses:

When the director’s like “great rehearsal guys, just a few notes before I let you go” but it’s already 9:13 and your mom’s waiting in the parking lot

loyalist of subjects

bow before your queen

They forgot to take down the stage boxes after the Vienna opera ball but the show must go on.

somebody forgot to book chairs for this funeral

Me sharing God’s (Hayley koyoko) word on the discord server

mass execution bc the oboe solo sucked ass-- closest

That’s too many black suits I can’t see shit

I can’t even tell what’s going on here

8th grade school assembly about how it's uncool to shit on the walls at school

let's all get fancy so we can go to the opera and sit on the stage (idk this one's hard lol)

"Yes i am a time traveller, now don't freak out"

Tfw you forget to pay your lighting bills

White guys make decisions that will benefit them and screw someone that’s not a white guy over-- OUCH but that is too real (although not really in context here)

dead man gives speech at his own funeral

brotus and the boys ??? last meeting before the stabbing

high society social function ends in mass murder-- right opera, wrong scene

Someone walks into the talent show stage with a dog

Black-dressed bitches worship a man.

Worst school assembly of all time

POV:You're the window in the classroom and someone said "its snowing"

When the conductor shows up fashionably late to the orchestra concert

That's what you get for choosing the cheapest ticket option, get back in the mud where you belong

theyre just trying to jump into a grave at a funeral leabe them alone this is normal

oh my god he really whipped his dick out in front of everyone, this is just like in 1776 guys, except some women are actually in the room this time,

A funeral, stop wearing so much black

I want to slap their bald heads like rice

originally taken from: the Teatro Real Madrid’s 2018 staging of Gaetano Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor, featuring Roberto Tagliavini (right) as Raimondo

Responses:

Crowd “haha!! Looks like someone missed the all-black memo!! Now it’s laugh-in-your-face time! / Guy on the floor (whispering to guy against wall): go, save yourself! I’ll hold them off...”

if i leave now i wont be a witness and can tell the police i had no idea

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Guy in the back pretends to help but is to far away to even know what’s going on.

priest walks in on beginning of an orgy, contemplated joining but is too scared-

when someone brings up capitalism but you’re just trying to play minecraft

lol lets trample this guy while the judge isnt looking

Again. Too many black costumes

Loved this Dostoevsky novel

i would know if opera directors were more creative with clothing choices ngl

me on parties lol

"imma just sneak out of here while everyone else is distracted"

"Where did he get this flooring!? Amazing!"

Everyone act normal!

The tell tale heart but they got REALLY drunk

man tposes to ward off vampires after being caught undercover

boys ???? night

the priest really shouldn't have visited the insane asylum-- closest

He’s FINE everyone’s been hit by a car before

Something happens in a room.

Perks of being a wallflower

There's always that one person in the fight whos trying not to get involved when they really wanna

Oh good, they’re all posing for a Rembrandt painting, I can just sneeeeaaak out the back here...

The gamer livestreaming Resident Evil + everyone watching the stream ? waiting for him to open the door just knowing it will trigger a chase scene

Quick!

the guy t posing in the back is regretting his every decision.-- also accurate

the us senate jumps ted cruz, some other wack ass gop senator is trying to sneak away

...I spoke too soon, however this is a James Bond mission

Queers help fellow queer do math but it's a struggle

#opera #opera tag #results #screencaps #captions #caption #caption this #caption contest #this seems to have gone over well and I am Pleased

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sanzu-sanzu-sanzu · 3 years

Note

Ok so I had a really weird nightmare and you're the first person I thought of when I woke up so I NEED to tell you about it. It's kinda long lol.

In this nightmare I didn't live where I currently do and I wasn't with my sister but with my boyfriend (he absolutely doesn't exist and we'll call him X since I don't know his name). And it's so weird cuz I remember everything about this place and when I say everything it's e.ve.ry.thing like how the rooms were placed and even all the decorations. I drew it so it'd be easier to explain.

(architects better watch out for their jobs lol)

Anyways, a lot of weird things happened like things would move by themselves like not in front of my eyes but for example at one point in my dream I put my bag in the kitchen and then I found it in the bedroom. And anyways it was things like that but also I would hear myself like videos of me and X and the first thing I thought was someone broke into my place and robbed some videos and I was so sure they came from the door behind the bed (the little circle). This door was scary af cuz even if it was just next to the kitchen, it was another entrance door like when you opened it you'd see the hall. But then I thought that it was impossible cuz the only videos we had were either on my phone or X's phone. So the only thing possible was that this person recorded us themselve it wasn't anything weird most of the audios were just both of us talking but it was scary af to think that someone knows almost everything about your life like that and I'm so sure they came from that weird door. Anyways X wouldn't believe me, he'd even make fun of me and idk why but one of my sisters was there and she understood why I was afraid while he really didn't. And one moment the switch of the kitchen started to melt just like that by itself and there were water drops coming from the light and because of that some things started to catch fire and X was trying to save any pieces he could and I was like wtf how can you still not believe me after that ? This mf had a horror movie father behaviour lmao not believing shit telling his wife it's all in her head. Anyways he managed to stop the fire on time and idk what happened but I suddenly found myself in a BIG VERY BIG school. Like yk a school for rich ppl I was the only mid-class there and I'm pretty sure I was considered poor af but anyways I don't remember all the details but the students would die one by one and for very very stupid reasons like crossing the road when they're not supposed to and we'd scream "don't don't there's a car" but they wouldn't hear and I know they weren't killing themselves and that's when I understood that I was in fact the problem.

Then I found myself (suddenly again) in my bed and I was sleeping and I had a sleep paralysis (still in my nightmare) I felt something around my neck and something like caging me on either sides of my hips and I could barely open my eyes and it was all blurry and the only thing I could make out was a tall shape/shadow in front of the bed and I didn't know if it was X or some sort of demon but I'm pretty sure it was the latter lol. And ik that when you have a sleep paralysis you can't move anything but in my dream I could move my fist so I started to bang on the wall behind me and I wanted to scream but I couldn't.

Then I woke up banging the wall next to me crying lmao.

I've been having nightmares almost every night for a while now sometimes I remember them clearly sometimes I remember just a few things like just the main "plot" and if they're not nightmares they're weird or stressful dreams so you'll be served 😂

oh my god. that is one WILD dream 😭 the thing with the videos is legit terrifying it's like one of those yk those stories of people finding out that there's someone who's been living in their closet (or like, inside the walls) this whole time and taking vids of them n shit? creepy behavior man i can't stand that 😭 the things catching fire are so weird, too?? and, honestly, idk which one's freakier: the house having secret actual human occupants, or a poltergeist............. and, of course, the horror movie boyfriend has to be a gaslighter and everything 🙃 MEN

also the fact that you really remembered the entire layout of the house is both creepy and interesting lmao dreams (and the way our minds work when it comes to dreaming) are interesting huhhh. it's like you were watching a movie with the cam zooming in and out and all, that's cool.

the thing about the school & students dying weirdly is soooo weird it makes me smile hahahaha 😭 i'm sorry it's slightly funny....the crossing the road bit bc they couldn't hear the warning huhuhu

and o h my god.....sleep paralysis stories always freak me out ☹️ though this one was happening in the dream, right? still, just any headspace where you're trapped/unable to breathe or move is fucking scary as hell and huhuhu i'm sorry you had to dream something like that.......the shadow/demon....god, you're supposed to feel safe in your bed!!

i'm all for bizarre and very senseless dreams, really, like i love the weirdness of all of it 😭 but nightmares are just sad and exhausting huhuhu and i'm so sorry you've been having those lately. i hope you feel better now, or that you at least had someone in the house with you when you woke up, or if not then at least sharing this to someone had made u feel less alone or sumth huhu (actually, i hope recounting this wasn't so distressful on your part!!)

thank u for sharing and remembering meee. i wish you no nightmares tonight and in all your nights.

#sanzusbestie✦#anri 💌

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strawberryjmilk · 4 years

Text

at the end | lee jihoon

word count: 3135

paranormal hunter!jihoon, ghost!reader, gender neutral reader

TW : mentions of death! there are some bad words sprinkled in!

The Lee household was always plagued with rumors. It didn't help when one of the neighbors from across the street went missing, tallying the number of missing people too high for comfort. The Lee house was known for its mystery's — the biggest of all being how some people still claimed to see Lee Seokmin wandering around the yard, looking sad and heartbroken.

Coincidentally, a newcomer strode into town, a degree in demonology and only the finest equipment by his side. He'd been doing this for years — trying to make people see that demons and ghosts and whatever else simply didn't exist. It's what he lived for and what helped pay his bills. He could prove any weird feeling or mysterious sighting was all merely a coincidence.

And, coincidentally enough, he shared the same surname as the most haunted place in town.

—

He let out a sigh, his bangs fluffing up slightly from his breath. There were only two hotels in the small town, and he was not staying at the one that smelled only of sweat and cigarettes.

"Here to check in?" A voice called. He looked up to see a boy taller than himself, hair a mix between red and orange. He only nodded. The other boy smiled, "cool. I'm Jeon Wonwoo. If you need anything just ask! You are...?"

"Jihoon," he introduced, "Lee Jihoon."

As expected, Wonwoo's face paled at the name. He gulped, eyes dashing across every surface he could see before nodding. "Okay," Wonwoo squeaked, "here's your key."

Then Wonwoo just left. Jihoon blinked, before letting out another puff of breath. This town is weird, he thought, and way too superstitious. Shaking his head, Jihoon walked to his room before unlocking the door. He didn't think twice before plopping into his bed and falling asleep immediately.

He was awoken by drops. Drops of water that fell to his cheeks slowly, one-by-one. Blinking, Jihoon realized he couldn't open his eyes all the way nor could he move his body at all. His breathing stalled — it'd been a while since he was held by sleep paralysis.

Gasping breaths were coming from beside his ear, icy breath brushing against his cheek. "Don't," it whispered, "don't come to our house."

The feeling and sleep paralysis disappeared and Jihoon soon fell back asleep, forgetting it even happened.

———

Jihoon was at the library the next day. His hands sifting through old news articles — ones dated back so far that they didn't even try to log them into the computer. As far as he could tell, the narrative of the Lee household had aged as the town did.

That house and it's ghosts seemed to always exist.

But, attention was never drawn to the house until years ago, when a boy named Kim Taehyung disappeared. His story was similar to everyone else's — he moved near the Lee household and began talking about seeing a smiling boy. Days later, he'd disappeared without a trace.

The story repeated with numerous names — numerous people who were whisked away by a smiling boy. Jihoon couldn't even read about them all — he had a feeling there was more to the list. Joy; Seungmin; Minhyuk; Gahyeon; Jehyun; and the latest victim — Y/N.

Jihoon bit his lip as he leaned back in the library's chair. So many people — they just vanished and no one was doing anything about it. The house was searched — the Lee household was honestly the first place anyone looked when a person was declared missing. But, it was as empty as it had been for years.

He shook his head — he needed to get a closer look.

A girl with short, black hair was gardening when Jihoon arrived at the Lee house. She was just across the street from it, glancing at the unsteady and gray house from time to time. Jihoon paused before making his way to her, watching as she jumped at every noise she heard.

"Hey," he spoke. The girl looked at him wide-eyed and he finally noticed her trembling hands and wobbling lip. Fear was the only thing clouding her eyes. Jihoon furrowed his eyebrows, "are you alright?"

She parted her cracked lips, eyes growing hazed and blurred as her mind drifted. "It's been a year since." That's all she would say in a tired, worn voice. "It's been a year and sometimes I can still see them, waving at me sadly."

Jihoon watched as the girl blinked before she looked up at him. She spoke once more, "why won't they leave me alone? I just want all of them to leave me alone."

Then it clicked — Y/N had left one person behind when they disappeared. One person who refused to take the search any further because she was certain her friend was still in the Lee house.

"Yeeun, right?" Jihoon had to make sure. And he had to tread carefully — he didn't want to bring up any more memories this close to the date Y/N vanished.

The girl simply nodded.

"I bet you miss them." Jihoon wanted to smack himself in the face. Of course Yeeun missed Y/N! They were roommates and best friends and the disappearance was so unexpected.

Clearing his throat, Jihoon looked away awkwardly and was faced with the Lee house once more. It was desolate and rusted and seemed like it was going to fall apart if you looked at it for too long. He tilted his head when he realized one of the curtains swayed, like someone had just peeked at him and Yeeun.

"You shouldn't go in there," she spoke up. Jihoon glanced back down at her, seeing how worn and haggard her face seemed to grow within the last minute. Her eyes were blank again as she stared at the house across the street. Yeeun looked up at him, "you seem too interested in that place. You should just leave — to be safe."

Jihoon shook his head, "I need to look for answers."

Yeeun looked at him sadly, "no answers are worth being stuck in that house."

———

"It's not technically illegal if I'm telling you, right?" Jihoon was speaking to Wonwoo, trying to convince the red-haired boy that it was okay for him to stay in the Lee house. "At least for one night!" Wonwoo looked apprehensive so Jihoon sighed in irritation. "I'm going to do it regardless."

Wonwoo let out a sigh of his own before nodding slowly. "Good luck," his voice drifted through the door as Jihoon left. "Hope to see you again. Alive."

Oddly, the house looked brand new on the inside. Jihoon lifted an eyebrow, looking around as his over-night bag slid from his shoulder. The walls looked freshly painted; the floors were sparkling; the furniture looked like it hardly been touched. The place even smelled clean — like someone had washed it head-to-toe and sprayed a subtle mint and lemon air freshener!

"What the..." Jihoon muttered. This couldn't be right! The house was hundreds of years old — there was no way it could look this... fresh. "Something weird is going on here."

"That's not very nice."

Jihoon's head snapped to the right where he saw a boy. A smiling, happy boy. Chills ran up his spine as the boy stepped closer. The boy continued to smile. "You're visiting my home, after all. You should be a little polite."

The hair on the back of Jihoon's neck stood straight at the words — my home. There was no denying it. This was the smiling boy. This was the reason so many people had disappeared. This was, "Lee Seokmin."

"So you know of me?" Seokmin's grin grew even wider. "How nice!"

Jihoon shrugged, feeling like his voice was lost. "Just rumors."

"Well," Seokmin let out a melancholic sigh, "I'm afraid you'll have to take the couch. All of my rooms are... occupied." His eyes seemed to darken and Jihoon was only growing more apprehensive.

"Seokmin," the boy froze, "stay away from the guests."

Seokmin let out a bitter chuckle. "You don't control me, T—."

"Seokmin," his face fell completely, "you were told to leave the alive ones alone."

"But, my hap—."

"Go. Now."

Before he could blink, Jihoon was alone again. Seokmin was gone and he was too shocked to notice a new figure stepping in front of him. "You should go."

Jihoon let out a squeak as he faced forward. And there you were, in the same outfit you had died in. His lips parted, "holy shit."

"I'm not kidding," your voice was stern. Jihoon could only stare at you, refusing to believe any of this was real. "You really need to leave."

Jihoon shook his head, "I'm staying."

You could only scoff turning away from the boy, annoyed. You glanced up the stairs, before facing him again. "Whatever," you were monotonous, "it's your funeral."

Jihoon hoped you were just being dramatic.

He had a lot to think about as he laid down to sleep. First — he was in the most haunted place he'd heard about. Second — everyone in this town seemed to be too terrified of the house to even speak about it. Third — he had just met Lee Seokmin, the possible cause for all of this.

Finally — he met you. The last victim. And you seemed to have some kind of hold over Seokmin, something the others didn't.

Sometime during his thoughts, Jihoon drifted off to sleep. He awoke again, the feeling of his limbs being locked up sending a panic signal to his brain. He was laying on his stomach, he noticed, and someone was walking towards him.

Their feet were wet — almost sloshing as they walked to him. Jihoon could only stare as a pair of bare feet came into his view, a puddle forming from where they stood. They were there for a few minutes before they turned and left him. Just like that.

———

He could tell that someone else was in the room with him when he woke up. Scrunching his nose, Jihoon's hand dance against the floor until he found his glasses and slid them on. He looked up and gulped.

People were around him — a lot of people. And they were all too familiar to Jihoon.

"Uh..." he cleared his throat, "hello?"

A gray-haired boy let out an unbelieving scoff, "you're still alive, huh?"

Jihoon glanced around the room again, seeing all the eyes. "Yes?"

"Tae," a girl with orange hair spoke, "remember, Y/N said to be nice to him."

The boy clicked his tongue before frowning, a small amount of sadness creeping into his eyes. "I know, I know! Just confused is all."

"True," a new boy said. He, too, was looking over Jihoon curiously. He pursed his lips, "it's weird that Seokmin left him alive for this long."

You appeared again, arms crossed as you eyed everyone. A boy with two-tone hair was beside you — he looked familiar. "Seokmin only runs this place because all of you are afraid of him." You glanced at Jihoon, smiling softly. "Glad to see you're okay," you looked to the other guests again. "Introduce yourselves at least."

"Kim Taehyung," the gray-haired boy nodded in greeting. Jihoon remembered reading about him.

"Call me Jehyun," the two-tone boy introduced. He propped his elbow on your shoulder, leaning into you with a grin. "Y/N's right hand g—," you elbowed him, "guy! Right hand guy... yeah."

The orange-haired girl spoke up next, "I'm Joy!" She smiled at Jihoon and he returned it — he'd read about her, too.

"Joo-hyuk," the second boy smiled sadly, "you won't find me in the papers."

Long black hair covered Jihoon's vision as he laid on the couch. Looking up, he noticed a woman was peering over him, her torso bent over the back of the couch. She tilted her head at him curiously. Across the room, Jehyun cleared his throat and she blinked, remembering she probably needed to introduce herself. "Everyone here calls me IU... I don't remember my real name. Most of us don't."

Jihoon looked at all of them again, remembering all of the newspaper clippings and articles he'd read. He let out a sigh. "You aren't... missing, are you?"

The room went silent and pieces were starting to come together. You looked at him with sympathy — the others looked down. Jihoon gulped, "all of you are—" his voice caught in his throat. "You're all... dead, aren't you?"

You smiled sadly, "you figured it out, huh?" And that was the only answer he needed.

"Hyun-woo," a new voice spoke. Jihoon turned to see a man curled up in one corner of the room, staring blankly ahead. "Lee Hyun-woo. He liked my last name so he brought me here. I was twenty-seven. I liked movies and wanted to be a director someday. Lee Hyun-woo. He likes my name so I have to stay here."

Joy cleared her throat, "he's been here for a while."

"Your memories start fading," Taehyung spoke up. He looked sad again and if ghosts could cry, Jihoon was sure the boy would be sobbing. "After a few years. They just go away — vanish. Just like we did."

"Some people are still looking for you, though." Jihoon wanted to reassure them. It was strange — his entire career was based on denying the existence of any and every supernatural being. Yet, here he was, wanting to ease the self-hatred he could see. "Not everyone has forgotten."

"That's nice," IU said with an airy voice.

"He's lying," the voice made you scowl. Jihoon cleared his throat before sitting up as Seokmin came into view. "Everyone stopped looking for you. You're missing to them, that's all. Don't let this new person tell you different."

He seemed to grow darker and some of the spirits cowered away from him. "Don't forget where you are and who's in charge."

"Who, you?" The only person who would speak against the ghost was you. Seokmin seemed to hate that.

He let out a scoff, "my happiness, please. Don't be rude in front of the guest."

"Not yours, Seokmin," you glared, "never was."

With that, you disappeared. Jihoon only blinked.

———

It was his third night at the Lee household and every person in town looked at him in awe. Maybe they were concerned, too, but Jihoon knew this would help lessen their fear off the house. After all, it was just a house. It's the things inside the house that they should be afraid of.

Currently, Jihoon was sat on the staircase of the house, glasses perched on his nose as he wrote in a journal. Or, the journal, really. The one where he wrote of his experiences. He was writing things he'd heard or seen during his stay — almost like he needed to write it down to remember it. To make sure he still believed when he left.

Humming, Jihoon reread over his previous conversation with Jehyun and Taehyung, mentioning what they explained about their memories. "They disappear just like we do." It was a frightening thought. Suddenly, a voice was humming alongside him.

Jihoon froze, a little afraid to turn and see who was keeping him company this time. Sliding his eyes so that he could use his peripheral vision, he sighed. "Hi, Y/N."

"Oh," you blinked, "hey."

The silence surrounded the both of you briefly. It was getting late, the sun setting and full moon preparing to show itself. Jihoon pushed his glasses up his nose, "do you usually stay with me? Just... floating around out of sight?"

You hummed, pursing your lips in thought before looking away from him. "Well I— I like to hear you sing, is all. And you do that a lot when you're writing or reading, so."

"Right." Jihoon decided to just ignore your presence for now, not really bothered with it. As moonlight seeped in through the window, Jihoon felt a chill. He began to hear various things — the floor creaking; a door slamming; water dripping. He looked to his watch warily, realizing he never stayed up this late.

Not in this house, at least.

Slowly, the dripping water became louder and louder and louder until Jihoon had to see where it was coming from. To his left, you were still standing there. But, you didn't look okay. You looked cold and you were shaking and you were sopping wet. Jihoon fought the gasp he felt climbing up his throat.

"It was you." He said simply. You tilted your head at him in question. "I think I've been seeing you — having dreams." His eyes drifted from your dripping hair to your bare feet. You shifted uncomfortably.

"His doings," you spoke through chattered teeth. You crossed your arms across your chest out of habit — you'd already grown used to the cold you felt, a long time ago. "As punishment. As a reminder of what we are and where we are."

Jihoon frowned, "I wish I knew how to banish him."

You let out a snarky laugh, "don't we all?"

———

He was leaving. Lee Jihoon was finally leaving the Lee house and all its beings. He looked almost lost as he packed his bag, looking around the room with a frown.

"You don't have to leave," IU said with a pout. Joy was beside her, nodding enthusiastically. The orange-haired girl grinned, "yeah! You could stay here and be our friend."

"Guys," Jehyun warned them. They frowned at Jihoon again before popping out of sight. Jehyun let out a sigh, "I think they're going to miss you a little too much."

Jihoon grinned, "I'll visit."

"Don't let Seokmin hear you say that," your voice carried to them. You lifted an eyebrow, smirking. "He might make you one of us."

Jehyun sensed the two of you needed to talk, so he joined the others. Wherever they were. You looked down at your feet, shuffling them against the floor awkwardly. Jihoon spoke up, "I'm not kidding." You smiled at the familiar words you'd said to him once.

"You need to go," you replied. You jutted your chin out, gesturing to the journal he was holding. "You have all of our stories to tell, after all."

Jihoon nodded once, sternly. "It's about time this town knew the truth."

You bit your lip as if you were fighting with your thoughts. Jihoon waited, patiently watching as you gathered what you wanted to say. "Make sure she knows, too."

He knew who you meant. Waving — sadly, but he wouldn't admit that — Jihoon turned and left, shutting the door behind him. Taking a deep breath, Jihoon turned around once more as the golden shine of the house dimmed and sank. Instead, he was now standing in a run-down house, wondering when it'd last seen the sun.

Lee Jihoon nodded to himself as he patted his journal — he had a new job to do.

— happy halloween! 🎃🦇 this is sort of a part two to ‘cracked shutters’, but they can be read separately! i hope you enjoyed this and i apologize for the lack of imagines recently. hopefully ill get back into the groove of things soon. thank you for waiting and reading, ♡

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