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gushuwa · 1 year

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Hello everyone, I am: alive. And in Toronto! Can you imagine? What a life.

I’m sitting on the bed of the airbnb thinking I need to buy groceries and makeup remover. It’s raining outside, but not too much. I’ve landed on Monday at 20.30 (sorry, 8.30pm) after 15 hours with a layover in the US, where there were “do not bring your firearms inside” signs and it was hilarious and terrifying at the same time. In Toronto’s airport I went through immigration (two excruciating hours because what if they don’t like me) and claimed my baggage (two high pressure minutes because what if they lost it), then my boss and his wife picked me up to eat noodles and bring me to the airbnb. The place is nice, very sexy shower, quiet roommates, very close to work. By the way, today’s my first day at the school and I can’t wait to receive my uniform sweater. I didn’t start yesterday because I went around to get a new SIM card, create a bank account and get my SIN number. I also bought nail polish for the first time and later that night I made a big crazy mess.

This whole thing cannot describe how weird it is, I’m swinging from wonder to panic to wonder to panic to “it’s finally happening” to “it’s ok, breathe, don’t cry in public” to “this place is awesome” to “I need a human to talk to”.

Housing is a big question mark, prices are bonkers and for now my income isn’t much. My boss is super chill, he says it’ll increase in a couple of months so I shouldn’t worry. How can I explain to him that I worry constantly? I should work on this in therapy, when I’ll be able to afford it.

Lastly, sorry for disappearing, I had so much on my mind I couldn’t do anything more than staying with my loved ones and checking that everything was right for my departure. I’ve missed you and I’m sorry I’ve missed your posts and adventures. I can’t wait to catch up with you 💛 I love you so much

#chaotic academia #my post #canada #toronto #iec visa #young professionals #i’m afraid this is not a study blog anymore #not exactly #but who cares about the rules #chaotic academic aesthetic #studyblr #travel #travelblr

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stuckinapril · 3 months

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maybe a bit of an esoteric advice but saving nice things people have said in a notes app entry has saved me so many times. if i’m having a bad day, being hard on myself, dealing w negativity from others etc etc. just whatever it is. i open this page—which is basically a compilation of people complimenting me on certain attributes, sweet interactions i wrote down, or things i’ve accomplished—and it brings me right down to earth. like someone could be saying mean shit about me (whether it be a person or a voice in my own head) & instead of having to go through the mental toil of summoning up positive memories to negate that, i just go to that notes app entry. i read over everything and im like ohhhh ok im not the most horrible person in the world after all. i don’t deserve being told that after all. it’s all written down right here.

#that shit WORKS and i tended to rule out methods like this out of fear of being cheesy #u do what u have to do.#also this kind of thing teaches u to stop leaning into ur negativity bias so often #yes there are bad ppl who say shitty things #but what ab the abundance of good ones? it rly is as simple as choosing what u care about #text

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transmascissues · 3 months

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today, my coworkers’ refusal to see me as a man put one of our patients in a position where they felt unsafe for the third time. i’ve been at this job for less than two months total. i don’t even care about getting misgendered anymore, i just want the people we’re supposed to be taking care of to feel comfortable around me.

i work at a hospital where we have to supervise our patients in a lot of vulnerable situations. there are safeguarding rules in place for certain things that male employees aren’t allowed to be present for when it comes to female patients. and yet, the people training me and telling me what to do have repeatedly put me in situations where i’ve been forced to do things that the female patients aren’t comfortable with me doing. and because they have repeatedly failed to teach me the rules for doing my job as a man, i have no way of knowing when i’m crossing one of those lines unless one of the patients tells me.

i’ve had to watch a victim of SA stare at me in abject terror as my coworkers asked her to strip naked with me still in the room. it took several minutes for her to even be able to speak enough to ask if i could leave the room. i found out after that she broke down crying the moment i walked out. my biggest regret is that i didn’t realize what was happening fast enough to leave before she ever had to say something, because she shouldn’t have had to say it. i never should’ve been allowed in the room in the first place, because that’s not something male employees are supposed to be present for. but i didn’t know that yet, because i was training and i thought surely, they wouldn’t train me to do something that directly violated their own safeguarding rules. that moment was the first time, and it’s haunted me ever since, but it wasn’t the last time. not only did it happen for the third time today — it almost happened for the fourth, and would have if someone hadn’t spoken up to say they should pick someone else. i care for these people so deeply, it’s why i took this job, and i’m so tired of hearing the fear in their voices when they have to ask me not to do something i never should’ve been told to do.

i’m very used to the personal discomfort of being misgendered. i willingly deal with it a lot at work as well as in other situations, not because i’m in the closet (at this point in my medical transition that would be impossible), but because it’s such a frequent occurrence with my coworkers that we would never get anything done if i took the time to correct them every time. but to see it get to the point of causing such visceral discomfort in other people? people i’m supposed to be taking care of and keeping safe? that’s something else entirely, and i’m fucking exhausted.

and after all of that, some of them still look at me like i have two heads when they tell me what to do and i say “i can’t do that, only female employees can” because i’m learning now. clearly i’m already seen as a man by our patients, but my coworkers would still rather put them in an unsafe situation than just train me as a man.

#to be clear it’s four different things they’ve asked me to do that im not supposed to #as soon as i find out about one rule they ask me to violate a different one that i didn’t know about #i will never ever forget that girl’s face and i’ll never stop being angry for her #for all three of them but especially her #i hate my coworkers for a million different reasons #the patients are the only reason i didn’t quit this job after the first day #i just want to do right by them and sometimes it feels like i’m the only one working there who does #it kills me because the patients who know im trans have been so great about it too #most of them know nothing about trans people but they’re so willing to learn and so respectful and we’ve had such great conversations #they’re getting fucked over by someone else’s transphobia when they themselves don’t have a single transphobic bone in their bodies #i hate this place because i care about the people in it too much to stand by the way it treats them and it’s killing me #transandrophobia #transandromisia #transmisandry #virilmisia #virilphobia #anti transmasculinity #transmascphobia

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reasonsforhope · 3 months

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Btw, if you really just Need A Job (tm)

I'd really recommend looking into care work

Care work here is specifically being a home care aid, a care aid or assistant at any kind of residential home.

This for usually for elderly or disabled adults - and those are the ones that tend to be most entry level, from what I've seen, but also for mental health, addiction recovery etc. (With the obvious caveat that some of these jobs will be more emotionally intense than others)

I'm so serious about this guys. I was applying to jobs in care work for just three weeks, starting a couple days before Christmas, and in that time I got three interviews, two jobs offers, and five additional interview requests

Care work needs people CONSTANTLY

because it's a huge sector but very hard for them to keep staff long-term. Partly because it can be high burn-out, and there's definitely toxic places out there you should watch out for. And partly because a lot of people think care work is beneath them

AND they ACTUALLY MEAN IT when they say they're entry level. Because it's so hard for them to get staff that a lot of them will advertise super aggressively that they will train you themselves. A lot of them will straight up pay for your CPR and First Aid certifications, once they hire you, too (and you can get a leg up on applications by getting a CPR/First Aid certification for like. $30 to $80, at least in the US). They also accept experience taking care of elderly/disabled/etc. family members as real experience

Like, obviously don't do it if you hate taking care of people, but if you're open to it, it's probably by far your best shot of getting hired rn, statistically

(eta: Genuinely disclaimer that it can be super taxing emotionally and large portions of the industry are indeed fucked, and def don't take a job in this field if you're gonna be an asshole to the people you're caring for, but sometimes you just need whatever job you can get.)

Seriously, though, the first time I applied for a care work job (in October 2023, yes short timeline, like I said there's some toxic workplaces etc. out there), I applied to like ten or fifteen jobs over the course of a week or so. Within three weeks, I was working.

(And they did provide all of the training, fwiw)

If you need a job and no one is hiring, seriously consider looking into it

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caligvlasaqvarivm · 17 days

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I used to despise Eridan and think he was the absolute worst character (barring Cronus ig) but you have shown me the light and completely turned my opinion around and now I think he is such an endearing little freak <3 I read your whole blog already but if you've got any more thoughts on eri or anyone else then I hope you post them bc I'd love to hear more abt it!

i have sooo many controversial opinions about the dancestors you have noooooo idea

#always glad to have another person go 'oh eridan's not that bad huh'#like he IS a freak and there is SO MUCH thats wrong with him #but he's supposed to be an antagonist AND sympathetic AND funny AND pathetic AND tragic #like all these things can be true hes just a complex character #same w a lot of them #vriska equius and gamzee all kind of fall into this boat #yes there is a lot thats wrong with them but they are also 13 #let he who was not a shithead at 13 cast the first stone #anyway ive been hesitant about talking about the dancestors because if my eridan opinions are controversial...#but the tl;dr is that almost all of them suck horribly #like collectively they are the worst characters in homestuck and thats on purpose #bc their role in the story is villainous like theyre the reason lord english even exists #if the alternian trolls as a rule are meant to be sympathetic even if they have a lot of problems #then the beforus trolls are like a worst case scenario of 'what if they never address their problems and grow up that way'#theyre the counterpoint to the comics themes of being a kid and growing up #learning to care about each other and become responsible #the beforus trolls are children who never grew up #going through the exact same problems and drama as when they were children #because they never took responsibility for their own actions or their treatment of each other #And That's Terrible

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 10 months

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Leave wildlife alone. He probably bites.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #a-qing #xiao xingchen #xue yang #shout out to our girl a-qing for seeing the downfall this man would cause at minute one of meeting him #Something to be said about the differences in their 'blindness' also having figurative consequences.#xxc is blinded to consequences by his own naivety. He helps who needs helping because that's what he feels is right.#meanwhile A-qing is falsely blinded; she wields naivety as an outwards illusion while knowing full well that not everyone is worth saving.#She's one of my top 5 fav mdzs characters and I refuse to be quiet about it.#XXC is the kind of person who wants to save baby birds that fall out of nests. Alas. He should have followed the rules of nature:#'If you care - leave it there.'#The little rat man you found is so full of diseases. He bites. He will pee on all your belongings. Do not take him home.#No matter how sad he looks!!!!#For those who don't know what xxc is speaking Spanish: It has become a little inside joke. No significant lore: He Just Knows how.#Everytime he does I am blowing a kiss to the Spanish speaking mdzs community. I will consult you guys on slang as this arc continues.#(Playing around a bit with paneling and layout. To improve means to experiment!)

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dirtytransmasc · 7 months

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ok but like, Modest!Alicent Hightower au (more modest than she already is) cause I feel like it, it adds ✨layers✨

Alicent who veils her hair during her day to day life, elegant laces and silks adorning her long ginger-brown hair, covering it completely at the Sept.

Alicent who wears dresses with long heavy skirts and always covers her elbows with billowing sleeves.

Alicent who conceals her silhouette with thick shaping garments. they also just helped her back during her pregnancies and taking care of kids (her servants recommended them so she'd have full range of motion and support)

Alicent who was stripped of her modesty, her dignity and sense of security whenever Viserys wanted her. stripped of it by her own father when he sent her to Viserys's chambers in a dress that didn't cover as much as she would have liked, especially when she visited a man with those (silent) instructions.

Alicent who lets her hair down around people she trusts. covering it around Rhaenyra after she abandoned her, a blow to Rhaenyra, a blatant "you hurt me and broke my trust". letting Criston see her hair after he becomes her sworn sword. covering in front of Viserys until he demands she stops. Alicent putting a little makeshift veil on her daughter, who wanted to look like her mum, promising it would protect her from how loud the world was.

Alicent who only trusts her closest servants to dress her, and even then insists on being in a full shift before they can come in.

Alicent who felt stripped bare while giving birth to her children.

little Alicent looking up to her mum who was also very modest, and spending her childhood playing in long skirts.

Alicent who wears shawls and scarves out in public or at events. Criston watches to make sure she remains properly covered. her hands fiddling with the patterns or tassels while she talks to others.

Alicent doing this with her kids:

Criston offering her his cloak when she's put in bad situations like sudden crowds or outings.

wearing flowy but opaque fabrics during the summers, looking ethereal and goddess-like with her layers skirts and sleeves.

the whole Larys situation being even more sickening.

all 3 of her sons being protective of her modesty alongside Criston, always offering their cloaks to her or standing to block her from the wind or wandering eyes. Aegon holding her veil in place when it's windy, Aemond placing a cloak over her in public, Daeron fiercely defending his mum from lusting glances or lingering stares.

Helaena continuing to veil with her mum when they go out, they love matching veils and trying ornate styles.

Alicent fixing her daughters veil in attempts to get it to stay in on dragon back. it doesn't. but they don't mind the extra bonding time none the less.

gold veils that literally make her look like she's dripping in gold.

tucking her babes in her shawls or holding them against her skirts that are practically swallowing them whole.

Alicent collecting layers. Ornate undergarments that cover her arms in gold and embroidered patterns, some almost like tapestries others more simple. undershirts that cover her neck, with "choker" patterns and sewn in jewels. modest nightgowns and robes made of the softest, most breathable fabrics in existence.

covering her face on holy days/days of importance.

I just have so many thoughts.

#based vaguely off of my modest Catholic family #cause modesty is so fucking beautiful and I think we should talk about modest Alicent more cause it has so much potential #I think giving her that kayer of preserving her modesty. showing more to those she trusts. having it robbed from her. the way it involves-#those she loves. its all symbolism and its making me salivate. im chewing my own leg.#plus the etheral almost divine beauty that comes from modesty #(but also intentional and consented immodesty. cause they are two sides of the same coin)#is indescribable #especially when its a choice made by someone for themselves and themselves only #alicent (in my mind) chooses to be modest. she wants to be. she does it for herself as a commitment to herself. her faith. her mother.#she loves her modesty and creates her own rules as to who sees what #ita control #it's self care and love #its beautiful #alicent hightower #pro alicent hightower #queen alicent #alicent my beloved #ser criston cole #criston cole #pro criston cole #vauge #alicole #platonic Alicole #aegon targaryen #aegon ii targaryen #aemond targaryen #helaena targaryen #daeron targaryen #pro team green #modesty

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aeriondripflame · 6 months

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want to make a little pushback on the idea that visenya made maegor for the sole purpose of usurping aenys as heir. like, visenya presented the rhaena/maegor marriage as a way to fix the apparent succession issue they never had a premeditated plan for usurpation. maegor patiently served aenys as hand up until his exile. he didn’t even think of usurping until after the death of his brother and the subsequent rebellions all over the continent. maegor wasn’t made to replace aenys, he was made to support him.

#hey can we talk about maegor and aenys’ relationship actually #also maegor who grew up seperated from his father and older brother. who was trained like a child solider and did tourney after tourney to #prove himself to a father that never cared #but aenys his older brother who recognized his talent. who was kind. who said they would rule together. idk thoughts #aenys who maegor never expected to reject him because they were brothers and that means something. aenys who exiles maegor.#maegor targaryen #aenys targaryen #guava.txt #visenya the conqueror #sibling tag

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dungeons-and-dragon-age · 19 days

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Hiii everyone, say, how do your Hawkes go go about sharing their estate? If they do it at all? Is everyone free to come and go or are they more private? Or do they only invite their LI to stay? I'm curious!! :)

#lay rambles #my ocs #oc: liam hawke #oc: lilian hawke #both my hawkes are very social w their friends but i love comparing their boundaries around it #theres variation in rules for specific ppl with both of them ofc but theres still general differences #with liam its all very open and everyone can p much come and go whenever #they dont get extra keys (theyll get lost and he doesnt want randos finding them lol) but they know where to find the spare key #and bodhan and sandal and orana know to let them in whenever #hes very lenient in this this regard but he does have rules abt what he does and doesnt want them to do #mostly its about not making too much of a mess lol bc liam prefers to clean himself #(he doesnt trust the crew with his household and also he has particular ways of doing things and Hates when theyre done differently)#so things like keep your dirty garb at the entrance dont cook by yourselves (this was banned after they did it one (1) time lol) etc #also no fucking allowed. do that somewhere else for the love of the maker he does NOT want to walk into that in his own house #(and it also comes back to liam not trusting them with cleaning but also Not wanting to clean that up lol)#also he is not fond of them going into his room uninvited. most of the house is chill but that is *his* space #he accommodates these rules by e.g. having spare slippers and a little washing basin in the entrance hall for dirty shoes/feet #always makes sure to have snacks in stock that he knows they like #food will have notes abt what to leave for leandra/orana/etc but otherwise food is prepared with his friends in mind #and in general he'll make sure to adjust the space/routine in little ways to accommodate them #(air out when fen isnt there cus he doesnt like drafts; keep curtains open cus anders prefers open spaces; etc)#lilian on the other hand doesnt like when her friends come into the estate without a heads up (cept for emergencies)#but once they have her 'ok' its basically mi casa es su casa #dont yknow. overdo it and get too rowdy but otherwise do whatever #however. she also expects everyone to clean up after themselves. she aint here to play maid and youre all adults #also liam has a general 'please try to not be too wild when leandra is here' and lilian doesnt #not cos she doesnt care but cos leandra is bothered by sth she can speak up herself #oh and lilian uses the basement space as temporary refuge for anyone who needs it (mostly escaped mages)#also side note: both offered gamlen to stay but he refused (out of pride/remorse)#...this got long and i ran out of tag space lmfao so this is it for now xD

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druidonity2 · 9 months

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My last two brain cells being investigated for identity theft and corruption.

#world of warcraft #varian wrynn #warcraft #i drew it when everyone was doing the meme and i realized i should post this before i forget #but like come on its perfect #I love these two and lowkey sad that more people don't give carefree dontgiveafuck dumbass charmed varian the fanwork he deserves #He was the one who sacrificed himself thinking that he would die so that Logosh could survive #BRO SAID “SHE SHALL NOT HAVE YOU” WHEN HE SAVED LOGOSH HE WAS GONNA SACRIFICE HIMSELF HES THE BEST #AND NOBODY REMEMBERS HIMM #I mean they do i guess but like LoGosh is more talked about and like i recongize its harder to talk about Charmed Varian when he doesnt hav #a unique name #and i joke hes not a dumbass hes really smart and caring and is very very lucky that his sacrifice actually saved them both because logosh #would not be able to rule by himself #I have an au where onyxia split anduin in a last act of defience before death and they cant combine the boys without risking his life and #as he grows older the twin boys flaws grow and grow until it dystroies their relationships and minds and theyre forced to find a fix #basically my headcanon is that logosh would've succumbed to his flaws as king alone and would not have succeeded as king as long as #the Varian we know did

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infinite-beginnings · 5 months

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Do I understand the salt thing? No. Do I care? No.

Do I understand an elemental force beyond the rules of the universe? No. Do I care? No.

Do I understand bi-generation? No. Do I care? No.

Do I understand the Toymaker's domain still lingering while they are in a state of play so The Doctor can whack the Tardis with a malet and replicate it? No. Do I care? No.

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artish-boi · 7 months

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Pretty much everyone agrees that it'd be fun for a case where Apollo defends Klavier, as a parallel to 1-4, and giving Klavier closure and development

It's a classic, however, consider flipping it, just for fun. After AA4, Apollo gets arrested, and the only person he trusts enough to help him is Klavier, because he doesn't trust anyone really, and the closest person he knows to a defense lawyer is Phoenix, who he has a,,,, rocky relationship with, and who is still disbarred. There's a bit of a parallel with 3-5, where Phoenix asks Edgeworth to take his place in court, it fits with the 1-4 parallel, and it matches with Apollos trust issues.

Trucys could still be a weird girl, we'd inevitably get interactions with Phoenix, and we'd get to see the difference between Klaviers inner monologues and his mask.

#and idk maybe the prosecutor could be edgeworth because he has also broken the rules and shown up on the wrong side of the courtroom #and maybe trucy and apollo find out about thalassa #it wouldnt fit well with aa5-6 but who cares #idk itd be a wacky little adventure that if done right could provide closure #i think i like the classic 'apollo defends klav' better but y'know #ace attorney #aa #aa4 spoliers #Apollo Justice #klavier gavin

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karamazovanon · 6 months

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controversial opinion maybe but it BEWILDERS me when people (mostly americans ime) genuinely seriously with their whole chest complain about how impossibly hard russian names are. like. do a single google search. i don't see how you can comprehend that charles = chuck and margaret = peggy but can't fathom that rodion = rodya. how is this such a huge barrier of entry for people

#and this doesnt apply to ESL ppl or any other ppl who have actual reasons like dyslexia or something #im talking about other americans who go yeah i had to stop reading bc i couldnt understand the names #how are you seeing different cultural naming conventions as an unsurpassable barrier that forces you to quit and give up on ever reading it #instead of an opportunity to learn and expand your narrow worldview?????? and over something SO SIMPLE??????????#like i know damn well yall know a katherine that goes by katie or a john that goes by jack #and those make even less sense than something like aleksey -> alyosha!#there are general rules and patterns unlike english! like the progression from aleksey -> alyosha -> alyoshka -> alyoshechka is so easy to #comprehend i dont understand how its SUCH a common complaint #i definitely understand the struggle of keeping characters straight when they have the same first name #like katerina ivanovna and katerina ospovna in t/bk etc #and of course the names in general are something you have to adjust to if youve never encountered it before! it takes a bit of thought #but its NOT FUCKING ROCKET SCIENCE and its asinine to shrug your shoulders and say welp guess im incapable of ever reading any ruslit!#like ohhh my goddd it grinds my gears so bad #bare minimum effort #anontalks #sorry for rant but i keep fucking seeing this shit and it rubs me the wrong way every time #like yeah its funny that dunya = avdotya and grushenka = agrafena #but richard = dick and elizabeth = betty so who fucking cares read the damn book

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juregim · 1 year

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and i’d give up forever to touch you

Chainsaw Man by Tatsuki Fujimoto

A Simple Woman - Chelsea Hodson // Sue Zhao // Lovers - Rene Magritte // Your Hands - Florence Ripley Mastin // Like Grains of Sand (dir. Ryosuke Hashiguchi) // No Exit - Jean-Paul Sartre // To Die For - Sam Smith // The Lobster posters (des. Vasilis Marmatakis) // Letters to Milena - Franz Kafka //

#chainsaw man #i am so sorry to my mutuals who couldn’t care less about csm. have u considered that they’re the exact type of tragic that makes me insane #akiangel #aki hayakawa #angel devil #chainsaw man manga #chainsaw man manga spoilers #csm #csm manga #csm manga spoilers #csm spoilers #chainsaw man spoilers #the absolute fucking YEARNING of not being able to fucking touch #and then damning those rules to save his life. fuck #mine*#comparatives #web weaving

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sciderman · 1 month

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Do you think Peter learned how to breakdance when he got his powers just to add flare to his movement?

i think peter parker had been trying and failing to breakdance long before the spider-bite, and is just happy to discover he finally has the upper body strength to actually pull it off now

#sci speaks #i don't think peter ever learns the genuine technique for anything. he freestyles.#he's an academic nerd. he is bad at sport and always will be. even if he's physically athletic he just doesn't learn the technique.#he'll always be bad at it. he doesn't get the rules #same as breakdancing he just freestyles. he will never know how to dance. and he'll never be able to floss either. he just can't.#wade can.#i also think peter could never master martial arts or anything because of that. he just relies on instinct.#i know he learns martial arts in the comics shuuut up i know i know he does but it's only because he loses his spider-sense.#i don't think he'd devote the time to learning a sport or dance or martial art.#i think he just doesn't see the benefit. he wings it. all the time.#“like yeah okay i could devote all the time to learning that. but i could also just. punch it.”#he's so funny he's so funny.#i love my apathetic loser guy who has SUPER STRENGTH but is also too lazy for sport.#he could become an olympic athlete. but he just doesn't wanna.#he could become a world-famous breakdancer. but he doesn't wanna.#he does all of those things but with no discipline whatsoever.#no discipline. that is why wade kind of hates him.#he picks up new skills so effortlessly but he has nOOO DISCIPLINE. he doesn't care about technique or rules.#but he pulls it off anyway. wade is fuming.

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eskildit · 6 months

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kinda want to put ianthe and abigail pent in a jar together and shake them around a little. something about the afforded eccentricity when you have a secure position of power but are not (or no longer are) the next in line to rule.

#also they canonically do not particularly care for one another so that too #they’re both looking at each other like booooooo you suck. but also. there are similarities there #and presumably these two have met multiple times pre canon #idk there’s something there about these two knowing they can break some rules. go against some social customs. who’s going to stop them?#eskildit posts tlt #the locked tomb

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