#but this post is.

[siristaci]

This got really long, so it's going under a read more. It's about the potential death of an ex-family member (after finding out about a recent heart attack) and briefly mentions suspected abusive behavior.

My not-uncle-anymore R (ex-husband of my aunt J) is in the hospital. He had a heart attack two days ago. I found out yesterday. I was told he hadn't woken up yet.

He has a pacemaker, so they can't do scans*. They were supposed to do a test yesterday (something about wires on his head) and we were supposed to get the results in the evening. Apparently there is an increase in heart rate when music is played or people are speaking.

I haven't heard anything since yesterday afternoon outside of J's fb post (posted shortly after they were supposed to get the results) that said "(my cousin's) dad had a heart attack yesterday afternoon. He was taken by ambulance to the ICU. He hasn't woken up, his brain activity is almost nothing, he is on a ventilator and has developed some other complications."

My feelings on all of this are... very complicated.

J and R got married when I was about 13. They both already had many other children (nearly all boys) before getting married, and had one boy (the cousin previously mentioned) together during their marriage. Then they got divorced when I was about 21. It's been a little over 10 years since then.

I first met R at the reception. He found out I liked LOTR and showed me his Sting letter opener. He was into heavy metal. I thought he was incredibly cool.

We really only saw each other at family gatherings, and- due to us both being black sheep of the family- quickly became the other person's "I'm only going if (the other one) is going to be there." He introduced me to Twisted Sister's Twisted Christmas album. Which is one of only two Christmas albums I'll still listen to. He was so fun. I thought it was great that there was someone of an older generation that I really got along with.

But there's a reason J and R got divorced. I don't really know what. I've asked three times and gotten different answers each time.

The first time, I was told by my mom that it was because they just couldn't agree on how to raise their kids. In a tone that told me to not ask questions. I was raised mormon, so I was very good at not asking questions. For a while.

The second time, I was told that he was... very physical and overdid it when disciplining the kids. Supposedly, they got pretty hurt on more than one occasion. J obviously wasn't comfortable talking about it, so I didn't push for more information.

The third time, I was told that he wasn't abusive, he was just too immature. Maybe he'd roughhoused a little too rough with the boys a few times, and they'd gotten hurt, but it wasn't intentional or out of anger. J had decided that he was just too childish to be a dad to her kids. She still wasn't very comfortable talking about it, but assured me that he wasn't evil or anything.

I stayed fb friends with him for a few years. He mostly talked about going to metal concerts and the company he worked for that was trying to get more metal bands signed with record labels.

And then politics became something that everyone was talking about. Suddenly, R started posting more and more about the first and second amendments. Posted lots of pictures of the American flag. The term "snowflakes" was used whenever he talked about how ungrateful and soft young people are nowadays.

I quietly unfriended him and haven't spoken to him since.

I still have fond memories of R. I was sad to find out that he wasn't as great as I'd thought he was. And even sadder when (it seemed) he changed into a right-wing asshole. I know that I don't have the whole story. All I really have are the memories of him, and I really like the ones from when he and J were married.

I also know that my cousin hasn't chosen to see his dad in two years; something that could be influenced by distance, just being a teenager, or not getting along with the brothers that live with his dad. Or it could be that he doesn't want to see his abusive father.

There isn't really a point to this post. I guess I'm just getting all of my feelings out in preparation, since it seems he isn't likely to recover. I honestly don't even know what I'm hoping for- if I'm hoping for anything. I know I'll mourn the loss of life, even if I've been mourning the loss of that soul for a decade.

*Everything I'm told about this comes from my mom, who gets it from her sister, who gets it from her son, so it's quite the game of telephone and at least one of them don't regard science highly, so I don't have the proper medical terms and I very likely don't have all the information I'd get if I were speaking to a doctor directly.

#and because this is tumblr #i have to give this disclaimer: #these are complicated feelings about a complicated situation #if i go to the funeral‚ i will be respectful of those who had a difficult relationship with him #i won't invalidate their experiences #I'm actually planning on asking the cousin how he feels about me attending #i don't want to cause drama or even distraction by being there if it's not appropriate #i can mourn anywhere #the funeral isn't about me or my relationship to a guy who was my uncle for less than a decade MORE THAN a decade ago #but this post is. #this post is a personal space for me to talk about my feelings without consideration of anyone else #tw death #tw abuse #mine

[ladyshinga]

#i can post it here if i get meta about it first

[her0-se7en]

Concerned Ape knows what's up

#Stardew Valley #concerned ape #Sdv #her0 se7en's post

[whiteshipnightjar]

Zoozve, my beloved

#i cannot tell you how much this made me smile just bc it's so full of love #moon #venus #zoozve #long post #sorry about that it's very long but it's very entertaining i hope you enjoy this lil zoozve gem haha #astronomy #astrophysics #space

[bokkerijder]

pro-AI in the sense of "they taught a bread scanning computer to recognize cancer cells" etc etc

against AI in the sense of "we stole artwork from hundreds to thousands of artists, didn't credit them and didn't financially compensate them"

#rambles '24 #ok to reblog btw #all my posts are ok to reblog #if not i would make them unrebloggable lmao #edit: i am a fool #i said that thinking this would maybe get 5 notes or something #and now we're here lol

[azimuthalis]

Good news, fellow artists! Nightshade has finally been released by the UChicago team! If you aren't aware of what Nightshade is, it's a tool that helps poison AI datasets so that the model "sees" something different from what an image actually depicts. It's the same team that released Glaze, which helps protect art against style mimicry (aka those finetuned models that try to rip off a specific artist). As they show in their paper, even a hundred poisoned concepts make a huge difference.

(Reminder that glazing your art is more important than nighshading it, as they mention in their tweets above, so when you're uploading your art, try to glaze it at the very least.)

#anti ai #anti ai art #nightshade #artists on tumblr #posting on tumblr for awareness! #fuck ai art #ai is theft

[stargoyle]

"This person has a secret onlyfans!" "This artist does NSFW commissions!" "This author writes porn on the side!" I cannot begin to tell you how swag and awesome that is.

#text post #sex work is normal its not dirty or criminal why are we still freaking tf out ove this

[dopaminerjic]

credit: @stupid-twink-girl

#descartes posting

[theredtours]

why yes I AM making boop gifs from screen recording

#they're transparent and i'll post them when I am finished. #I won't even tag them because everyone should have them #boop #text

[hilarioushitshq]

Not Karl..

#funny memes #humor #lol #funny stuff #memes #jokes #funny shit #funny #funny post

[punkitt-is-here]

you will probably not look like a skinny white anime girl when you transition you will likely look like someone's mom and you need to realize how swag this is

#my posts #shitposts

[sexygaywizard]

Things are happening on reddit

#i post

[theboxfort]

Peace and love

#pink posts #i saw a tweet that was like “i see other people's art” --> i get discouraged #i understand that seeing art that is prettier than yours can be discouraging but why not twist that a bit? #why does it look prettier to you? is it the colors #is it the textures they used? the brushes? #study them and try to put your spin on it #and maybe you'll find your art beautiful as well

[throwbackblr]

#barbie #barbie memes #memes #meme #margot robbie #margot robie barbie #90s #1990s #2020s #kane52630 #posts

[vamprisms]

i feel like a lot of the 'i hate kids' crowd would be more tolerant if they understood that due to a kid's limited experience of the world that 4 hour flight might just be the longest they've ever had to sit still for or that trapped finger might literally be the most pain they've ever felt in their short life or they might not have ever seen a person with pink hair ever so of course they want to touch it or nobody's told them yet that they can't run around the museum and they only just learned cheetahs are the fastest animals so of course they want to put that to the test. how were they supposed to know etc etc.

#like majority of the time kids are not just 'being naughty'. they have big feelings inside little bodies it's a lot #also like. #it should be illegal to dye your hair fun colours if you aren't prepared for kids in public to ask if youre related to a my little pony #EDIT: the notes on this post are an absolute cesspool. i don't care about your reasons for hating kids you sound like a disney villain

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours? #also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that! #unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week