#but theres not as much time so it was nice to get to know better the other two😋😋

[deoidesign]

please take as much time as you need to rest and recover. burn out is so hard and takes so much to heal from. your art and your supporters will still be here when you get back :) take care <3

Thank you very much

Unfortunately, my situation doesn't really allow me to take the time I need. I've got a ~two month hiatus scheduled for my midseason, but much like my first hiatus I'll most likely be working double time during it...

It's unfortunate because I could really really use a bigger break!

Having the time and flexibility to work on other projects really fires me up and keeps me going, and being able to take a guilt free day off for family and friends is necessary to my mental health, and I've been having to turn people down lately...

This is a very kind message, and I'm sorry to vent in response! But I just feel transparency about the pressure I'm under is necessary and important. I'd love to take the time I really need, but due to deadlines and that pesky "needing money to live" I can't.

But, once the series is over I intend to take a pretty big break before I start whatever I'm doing next! I've got so many short stories and projects planned that I want so badly to get to, I can't wait to really get to truly dive in to them!

#im so sorry to take a nice message and respond like this! but just... trust me haha i know my supporters are genuinely here for me <3 #but webtoon... not so much unfortunately. i mean im sure i could take a longer break but theres the looming anxiety #that ill get in trouble or itll ruin my chances of working with them again etc etc #i took this week and i genuinely took it off. sort of? i flew to a convention which was exhausting #and i did paintings that i hope to print eventually #and i. started planning and prepping for a Kickstarter. for time and time again... #so ive still been working the whole time. but i love working! #i just... like to be able to work on things OTHER than time and time again... #and unfortunately for a few months. more than a few months. i haven't been able to do anything outside of it. #even all of my paintings have been for it cause i cant afford to switch my mindset! #my first hiatus i moved. worked on a pitch for my next series. and then i made two episodes a week the entire time #and i still ran out of episodes... #i dont know if im just not fast enough or if something is wrong with my brain that i have to fight to get it to focus but. #yeah i mean ive been burned out! been really burned out for like a year now #i can tell by how much better i feel after literally 1 week of doing anything else #and how tired i feel explaining this and knowing ive got another 3 months before i get another break #ok sorry i vented a lot more in the tags. it's hard to explain all of this eloquently and i like my posts to be somewhat professional #asks #anon #vent #delete later #and also how often my brain keeps wanting me to like. beg for 'nice words' from other people #(i always stop myself from asking people for compliments and stuff because otherwise i get very carried away and do it too regularly) #(people are very nice to me all the time. the kindness is endless and i need to let myself recognize and appreciate it rather than seek more #(its sort of a mental health thing I've been trying to like... force myself to do) #(for myself and my longevity but also for others sake lol. ive been bad about it in the past)

[bitchfitch]

a lot of the comments on that stained glass post are really funny because they assume the horse was like, a serious attempt and not me going "ok I've never used these tools before, I'm going in with no plan and just fucking up half sqft of glass while i learn how the cutter and pliers work" and then assembling the resulting shards into something vaguely resembling a horse to get the rest of the process down in my pre research fuck around and find out phase of learning a new skill.

Also the soldering looks like shit because the articles i found in the 20 minutes i was buying the stuff to start all said "flux makes the soldering better" in really vague terms without actually like, explaining that it lowers the flow point of the solder and makes the copper foil more receptive to it. so i assumed it wasn't necessary and was just used for vague betterness reasons and didn't buy any until a few days later when I started properly researching how to do things and found out it's actual job and that it's absolutely vital to the process.

So the solder isn't actually fully bound to the tape on the horse and is just like, melted overtop it following the lines of the tape. there's a distinct oval shape where the sides of the bead are up and off the tape instead of the domed shape it's actually supposed to be.

I also hadn't bought a grinder at that point bc I'm cheap and wanted to find one lightly used on ebay and also i wanted to wait for my pay check so I'd have a Little extra wiggle room with the whole shebang before i dropped 70 bucks on a tool i might not enjoy using too much.

which is to say, the whale is the first actual attempt and not the horse.

#tbh the just fuck around and find out phaze is something more people should do #learn enough to bumble fuck your way through a project and then go 'this is shit how do i do it better' #and researching each element in more depth instead of sticking with the overviews. it gives you more context for everything the #teacher is saying #like now knowing how important flux is. #anyways dont buy stained glass flux just get the lead free stuff from the hardware store. its the same chemicals for less money #ish #the hardware store varieties arnt diluted as much because they're meant to work for plumbing and such. so they're a lot stronger #but also a lot more likely to fuck you up if you dont work in a ventilated area and let the flux sit on your skin for any length of time #im lucky i dont have any like scaring from the time i got chemical burns down the entire length of my forarm because i #rested my arm on the fluxed window while i was soldering it #like theres a noticable texture difference and ive had a massive and Bad eczema patch there ever since but no scars #my arms are hairy enough you cant see it too much though so thats nice. #bfsg

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol #except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade #plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me #god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set #looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u #the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno? #it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control #executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont #wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral #sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive #lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not #forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho #my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly #need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im #dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter #what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by #my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything #interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to #fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i #described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that #idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean #ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said #she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the #parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the #disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage #but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain #just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked #unrelated

[bmpmp3]

I NEEED to go back to making art that makes it ABUNDANTLY clear that theres something wrong with my brain BUT NOT in a cool or stylishly interesting way. i need to do it in a way that makes people say "hm." and walk away

#sowwy ive been kinda going through it in my fine arts major rn can u tell HJKSDHKFd #ive been feeling like. scared. and paralyzed by marketability and branding. #i cant stop thinking about how other people will see my art. but not like in a good way #when i was younger i thought about it in a good way. like hee hee hoo hoo the act of looking connected us hee hee #but rn i keep thinking about it in like this wretched like consumer product mindset? ouhhghhhhh el problema es el capitalismo #and like maybe this works for some people. to think like this. to make art like this. its what my professors push me towards #not intentionally. they dont say it out loud at least. im not sure if they know or not some of the irony #my professors are nice and pretty smart and talented and i like em. but sometimes i wonder like. the push for us as students to make like #marketable 'avant garde'? stuff thats safe but pretending to be weird and out there #i dont mean to sound pretentious. in general i play it too safe myself (spent too much time as an edgy 10 year old with my #parents freaking out over my shoulder because they think the fact that i drew an anime character frowning means something serious LOL) #but i dunno man. my least interesting art with the least amount of care thought or effort always gets so much more attention in school #nowhere else oddly. online? people like my more passionate but seemingly frivolous art (oc art etc. not frivolous to me but yknow how it is #same with irl artists and other industry people outside my school. whats going on in my school LOL #i know from experience i cant push myself into a supposedly marketable brand. if i try to make something sell it will not. #i dont know why. maybe theres an invisible essence buyers can tell when i didnt care jkfsldjdfrds #but my teachers LOOOOVE the stuff i put no passion in its so bizarre orz but i gotta relearn how to ignore half of their advice #i used to be better at it. but i also only used to ignore like a quarter of their advice. maybe i need to amp up how much im ignoring #that sounds mean. they have plenty of good advice. but also plenty of advice thats clouded by their own biases #and i gotta relearn how to sort out this stuff again. i forget every few months for some reason #you know i always think ouuhhhhh i act so neurotypical ouhhhhhhhhh im outgoing i talk to strangers all the time i seem confident #im so masked IM SO MASKED but then i go a couple weeks where every conversation i have has people looking at me like #i have two heads and neither of them are speaking their language. and then i descend into madness like this HJKLDSHJDS #i'll be fine i'll figure it out. i need to stop trying to get a good grade in being a 'cutting edge' conventional artist <3 #i need to just. draw my cartoon characters in peace 😔😔😔

[martyrbat]

the homoeroticism of sharing a cigarette while overlooking a city you both want to save and are willing to sacrifice everything to do so while desperately clinging to the hope you both can somehow still live to see another sunrise.

#shoutout to batgordon gotta be one of my favourite pairs that makes my mutuals annoyed <33 #its about having that boundary and barrier that literal mask staring you in the face every single time you talk — the painful reminder you #will never know the man underneath it entirely! yet still that trust to uphold his secret identity! to not peek or rip it off! to not turn #around when he uncowls himself behind you in a theatrical show of HIS trust! its about not opening your eyes while bandaging his injuries #and as your fingers graze the skin that you dont allow yourself to see! its about seeing this mask and accepting it as part of the man and #something he must do and have! its about finding the other person that actually cares about this city as much as you do! #everyone around you is telling you its hopeless yet you remain that hope! you remain dedicated to it and your sisyphus labour because #theres such a small possibility that one day things WILL get better and that's enough to keep you going! its about finding the other person #that has sacrificed and sabotaged their own happiness and life for this city! #its about the smoke burning in your lungs and the cold air you two will always share — if youre lucky. #its about having a consensual workplace relationship that neither of you will acknowledge! #and why should you! theree no point! its never going to happen; gotham and your family is always going to the priority for both of you #but god the stars are beautiful tonight and its so nice to have a friend that actually understands why youre bleeding for this city #its also about sad old men sex & bittersweet heartache memories shared of watching this hungry city shift and change as your blood feeds it

[fruitsyrups]

ive crossed over into an alternate dimension where side profiles are somehow sometimes easier to draw than other angles. bodies in side profile however... nooo thank you...

#ok the back of the head is hard but the facial features proportions kind of feel easier to figure out . maybe. #weird #n e way im happy with the way i draw faces mostly maybe 50 percent of the time but im so not caught up on drawing bodies #like to the point it just looks bizarre #decent proportional face with like at least some understanding of structure/form even if it's not much #and then the stiffest clunkiest body you ever did see #or i can go the other way around and have an ok body. like decently fluid / proportional. but no face #theres some kind of disconnect. cant have both at once #thats only a sometimes thing though anyways. faces are generally easier #tried to do a teeny bit of gesture drawing yesterday but i was feeling sooo lazy and impatient so only 3 of them turned out ok ish #im pretty sure i post more often talking about art than i actually post art #i dont post most of the things i draw #i like to have my little secrets... #secrets in question are just literally anything that isnt adventure time art #actually looking through my art folder is crazy cause like if i saw this 3 years ago (i was really bad at drawing 3 years ago) i would. idk #drop dead or something #but now its like yeah same old same old. lots of problems. need to work on those. #but its nice to step back and be like woagh holy shit. massive improvement #earlier i was trying to dfraw a character and it wasn't coming out right but instead of getting frustrated and discouraged #it was more like i had this feeling of . idk. excitement to get better at drawing? #i dont know if this is just a temporary mood or maybe im turning over a new leaf. new optimistic mindset about art #<- watch that 'new mindset' totally disappear when i have a slightly more prolonged period of art struggle. lol

[vogelmeister]

common act 2 L

#im so deranged tbh that act two is becoming impossible to write #just write is becoming awful advice tbh #okay firstly its way too long and a lot happens #it actually covers a month of time #because it goes from the party scene where dirk-jan gets the text and ends roughly the day before the tuesday night which is one month #so act two is hideously long because it covers one month of time and in that time a lot happens #and i could change the ending scene and move it a bit later but that ruins the cliffhanger and i like the fact that act 1 ends with the tex #because at that point its not revealed until act two that anne-fleur was Not the one who sent the text and it was kim pretending to be a-f #which gets revealed pre quickly in act 2 anyhow but its a nice leaving point #so like i can do that but will i? nee. unless i can find a better ending for act 1 #and then i was like oh yeah lol we can remove the phone thing but i think it reveals something important about a-f #bc deep down she knows it was not her that sent that message. yet she still goes for it. #she still is like 'hmm yes lets see if belgium changed our chemistry" while dating merel. oft #ALSO i was worried that a-f would be too likeable bc her motivations are decent but i realised she still betrays merel and cheats on her #and thats unforgivable #anyways yeah act 2 is niet een slay and i just can't because theres so much i want to explore with it #we should all be like act 3. nice. gets to the goddam point. #idk fam #dutch language found dead

[isabelguerra]

paranatural would be so good if the characters had intended symbolism and core beliefs and things behind them that drove a specific meaning. rather than being tools for shonen anime pseudomocking

#like all joming aside the comic is funny but thats it. its funny. its made to be funny. it has some wacky lines gets some good reactions #its funny. but i dont think its a good story anymore. #like let’s really think about this for a moment. what is paranatural about. #4 years ago i wouldnt said ‘kids fighting ghosts in their wacky hometown’ but theh havent done that in ages. theres no trace of that story #and there hasnt been since chapter 5 ended #digging further- thats just plot. what is it ABOUT? the power of friendship? the perseverance to protect the ones you love? #i used to love max for his down-to-earth straight man grounded perspective. max wasnt funny. max was reasonable and the contrast of that #reason against the nonsense of the town is what MADE him funny. #like the other day when i posted the comparison between ch4’s hallway specshot scene and the one from fridays page #max isnt being funny in the hallway. ‘why am i here’ is put against Haha Woww So Deel Max Lol to which he can reply no i mean study hall. #his reaction is rational. the sarcasm adds humor but its rather the world around him which is so newly strange that his normalcy is funny #and then versus the new page. max makes a Why Am I Here joke again. but this time the question is not asked by max the character who wants #to know why his father has dragged him to a kids entertainment zone. but rather is asked as the setup for an #Unexpected Quirky Classic Max One-Liner ‘no i meant on this earth why do i exist’ #it just feels so much flatter. max isnt aloof and uncaring and sarcastic because he doesnt care about anything or anyone and is untouchable. #max is standoffish but genuinely nice and caring for the people he meets. his first instinct after landing on johnnys face #is to ask if hes alright. when PJ feels distraught at not being important in his own death maxes first instinct is to find a way to make him #feel better. to challenge that perspective and doubt the viewpoint his own poor self esteem gives him #when isabel comes out of her spirit trance and is too shocked to move max immediately rushes to her side to protect her against a spirit hes #terrified of. and then the next day brings what happened up to her and says hes sorry she went through that and hes got her back #he BREAKS HIS ARM TO PROTECT JOHNNY AGAINST HIJACK #hes a good protagonist because even though he has trouble connecting to others and being super friendly hes still NICE!!!! he still CARES!!! #i might take these tags and just make them a new post this turned into loving max hours #paranatural

[oatbugs]

they r soooo. anyway

#lol um anyway . i kissed them for the first time yesterday but it literally feels like a yr ago but it also feels like today #on a bridge at night against a cityscape. river looked like a painting...etc it was nice . and then. yh theres a lot to talk abt #so i dont wanna say it all rn bc im tired but yeah. they r . sooo. pretty cool etc etc. whatever im fine im just . angry that i dont get to #see them that often bc they live in a diff city etc. also took them to a spot which usually is like . relatively busy bc london is busy all #the time but it was cold and it was at night so there were like 0 people there. the view was so good but other things were better #also kissing smn w a vertical labret is actually just >>> #lol en ee way i miss them #im soo overwhelmed w life rn and theyre not rly helping but like. in a good way #i told my friend to lmk if he notices that im becomjng too engaged w romance to the point where im neglecting academics #and he immidiately said it. like according to him im thinking abt her too much when i should be thinkint abt philosophy too much #which is like. idk if that's true bc ik he has a rly skewed perspective bf he kind of swore off datint #etc but at the same time . wbat if hes right. omg. but also let me have this Moment #that was last week when i was forcefully taken to manchester by a university society . like we hadnt even kissed yet #i fell asleep bc ive been so exhausted and when i woke up i realised they briefly appeared in a dream i had #and then i started tearing up out of Fear bc like . whenever ive lost smn i loved the dreams were the worst #like . good dreams. were horrible. and now its like what if this turns out horrible ? but i dont wanna self sabotage bc i rly rly rly like #them . i gave them a rose and on the train home i could stop staring at their hands holding the rose #and i know theyve liked me for months and i know theyve been waiting for months but somehow its still like #what if it just fades. whatever happens happens ig. i took them a leaf compressed in a poetry book from #a book shop we found on our second date tgth. they gave me a necklace w a small vial and a tiny flower inside #its so pretty. thinking abt the way they put it on me + when they wrapped their arms around me when i was cooking for them etc etc #im FINE its FINE its OKAY . whatever !!!!! #[chroma blue]

[astrxealis]

i do not like tumblr much anymore again :(( anyways important stuff in the tags! but tldr just hmu if you want my discord or twitter, won't be gone from here completely but yeah <3

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #rambled abt this on my sb but i will do so here as well! #anyways interaction is. absolute shit save for a few people whom i love but also #it's sad a lot are so inactive now it seems but yeah it's for numerous reasons ofc but also. in terms of thmblr interaction really #understandable! and rn this low interaction is .... the people i see quite often on dash literally never interact with my posts (it has #been literal months) and even when i was more active it would. also be that way #and it's just really disheartening even though i do things for myself first and foremost and i am not afraid to say i put myself #first before anybody else. it's just. disheartening and i do not enjoy my time on tumblr once again #and i hate twt but at the same time i love it and honestly interaction/algorithm is so much better #and it's thanks to the users as well! like yeah i don't get much interaction yet either but i know why that is #and i can help change that. with tumblr it's the fact that. it's just really like that and it fucking sucks #anyways if i disappear you know what's up bcs this site is. i love most of my mutuals but god it's so disheartening to be on here #so if any of you want my discord or twitter just hmu :] i won't be quitting this place but def will be much less active #it's so disheartening and especially disappointing that even if i take time to be interactive it often does not get uhh i do not get that #as well ... and theres a lot of factors in this all but yeah! love the people i still see interacting #even if it's not that much but some of y'all are active and just kinda. ignore shit fr. #you can do what you want but it feels... not nice considering yes and yes but in the end i'll just move to something better and leave them #behind ^^ </3 #honestly this is only about you if i have not seen a single interaction in months and i often see you on dash #and i can understand why some people are like that esp if theyre neurodivergent but. man. it's just :')) fjbejfbskdn <//3 #tbh i don't really hold anything against anyone but god idk maybe if its just that my timing is bad but things have been like this fo #pretty much a while even when inwas active and its really not that big of a deal but. i dont have the motivation to be here anymore #and that feels weird to me bcs it kind of basically just dropped from a steady high <//3 #its funny bcs i cannot get angry at others SOBS and at the same tim i feel bad for feeling bad but i know its important tyeah #bcs ik that i should not feel bad but at the same time. hm #anyways i think i should learn to hmm ..... im a really grateful person but my sight when it comes to yes things is a bit bad so i will impr #improve on that!! in any case gah i should continue on hw soon #ALSO BTW i really dont hold anything against anyone and this is really just my general thoughts and feelings #so dont think too much of it bcs its not that deep but i do think it is serious #those are synonymous yeah bit im using them differently in a way i hope makes sense

[wholesalesoftie]

my friend left his scarf at my house and i'm just wearing it cause it brings so much comfort fr. love my friends sm uni is actually healing me

#he left it here after 5 of us stayed at uni all night #they came to my house cause the mcdonalds here opens at 6 so we got breakfast #it was really nice i liked it a lot #had 2 all nighters at uni this week #theyre just good fun w good friends forreal.... #im definitely in a place rn #i really wanna ask someone 2 be in a qpr but its complicated #made another playlist over it lol #miss them a lot and dont know what to do when they get back and i see themagain causejust talking is. hard #but as joe says. im down bad in an up good way lol #the scarf is so comforting #josh wears it all the time its like his signature piece and hes a big comfort to me so the scarf is too #makes me feel calm i dont wanna give it back but i probably will tomorrow #just enjoying the feeling for now ... #ramble #love uni sm love friends sososo much #quality time love language never been this fulfilled ever it makes me so much better #uni is fixing me while also making me worse <3 #i have an exam tomorrow but its open book so ill be alright i think #not fully prepped but theres still time #i believe in me <3 #if ur reading this ily :) #every morning i wake up and i type my silly little tags.... :)

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#theres a special kind of agony in tryinf to find an apartment in an college town with a housing shortage #everythings expensive as fuck and im sure its frustrating for everyone but i feel like its especially frustrating for me #bc it takes me so much fucking time to understand the information right in front of me and then i doubt myself so i have to check and check #and double check and triple check that im on the right website. that im inputting the right info #and its like. what if theres a better place i could b looking? like i found a management place to apply to thats expensive but less #expensive than another place but the building looks like its kinda on the edge of town like 15min drive from school #which i hate bc im an anxious freak and its gonna b worse than driving here bc itll get icey as fuck there #like proper inches of snow all winter. negative negative cold. so its like. do i take a nice apartment thats kinda far away #or a slightly more expensive apartment thats like 10min from school and more in town #and then theres the application stuff. and i cant fill anything out without having a full on like sobbing breakdown #but im that way abt everything. i do that all the time when i have to buy plane tickets #its exhausting. and i cant plan my exit until i know when i can move into a place. whatever. it doesnt help that my hormones r fucked rn #or i hope its the hormones. ive been so tired. so so tired. like sleeping 9hrs and still tired when usually im wired after only 7hrs sleep #i hate it. and super brain foggy. and this week i have to finish taking measurements for the last time #so i gotta decide if im gonna go in tomorrow or Monday to start it. its gonna suck so bad bc im gonna try to do it in 6 days. which will b #agony. but after that ill never have to do it ever again. ugh. im just so tired and i dont wanna limp my way into a new project feeling #like damaged goods. which is exactly what it feels like now. ive just done a very good job of making my job difficult #cant go into the lab without feeling physically ill. drained away all my joy. now theres only a sad distant recognition of how far ive #allowed myself to fall. i kno ill feel better once i have a place to stay and i can quit my job just getting there is taking an eternity #unrelated

[prehistorictriforce]

sometimes i’m like “yeah i’m super chill around celebrities, i don’t really clam up or anything, i’m super normal” and then i remember when i “met” frank iero and im like hmmmm maybe i’m wrong.

#it was a few years ago but like. a friend and i got to a venue i think… like a little over 12 hours early for the show??? #so we were obviously there before the band. but when frank got there it was still only like. my friend and a couple other ppl #(we became good friends w the group we waited with btw!!! we all have a gc on insta and stuff they’re rad!!!!) #(we’re trying to get together to see mcr together!!) #but frank like. comes by and starts asking us how we’re doing and is like hey do y’all need anything and whatever #we said we were fine bc evan had gotten us water n shit #and i was standing next to frank and we were all talking and he was like idk we were looking for food where should we go #and we’re in a totally different state from where i’m from so i’m like??? i don’t fuckin know???? #but this was frank fucking iero i wasn’t gonna admit i didn’t know smthn so i’m like I THINK THERES A GELATO PLACE AROUND HERE #so i just sit there like a god damn buffoon nodding and going yeah yeah yeah absolutely sure yeah!!! to every suggestion #and he kinda looks at me as if i’m gonna say smthn and i just smile all ridiculous and shrug and go ‘sounds good to me’ #there was much more to the conversation but the general gist was everyone else being normal and me being doe eyed dumbass #he was very nice abt it all bless him he was super busy but he came out to check on us a couple more times before it got busy #he was always smiley and happy and giggly abt it and i miss him 💔💔 frank i’m so sorry i was useless i swear i can be better #at least i went HARD during the show. we were all right in front since we were literally first in line lol #anyways. still absolutely one of if not my ultimate fave concert i’ve ever been to #these tags have been long as fuck but this memory plagues me at night

[skenpiel]

i love not being part of the fun i love being isolated i love being left out /gen /pos

#for HOURS now theres been. some sorta get together with i assume our neighbors in the courtyard #theyve been playing music and laughing and i think probably barbecuing #and it sounds like theyre having a pretty objectively nice time out there. however. #im soooooooooo fucking glad i dont have to partake in that. im so comfortable alone in my room #and while its annoying how loud theyre being its a good reminder about how much i LOVE being alone #i know im phrasing this in a way that makes it sound sarcastic but im fully serious #id hate being a part of whatever sort of get together it is theyre having out there im so fucking happy when im alone #all cooped up in my dark comfy room with all my favorite things. aughgh. bliss #I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!! ITS THE BEST ITS TOTALLY UNPARALLELED!!!!!!!! #and our noisy and sort of annoying neighbors reminded me of that just now #which is nice. cause sometimes i forget just how valuable being alone in my room is to me #even if i never get to be home alone anymore and i cant actually be fully happy unless i AM totally completely alone #its still better than it used to be <3

[be-good-to-bugs]

itd be so cool if the shitty people in my life were not shitty and were actually slightly decent

#the bin #:/ i wanna stop feeling horrible abt shit with my sister but it makes me so angry and upset ALL the time #im so fucked up abt this. how could i not be. i guess. hhhhh. i dont know what to do. it sucks so much. #its so hard to deal with the aftermath of a deeply abusive relationship in general. and when you cant talk to anyone about it or tell #anyone who knows that person. and you have to continue to be nice or at least civil with them. probably forever. #that SUUUUCKS. she is so awful. shes always been awful. i want to heal from that experience but i feel like im still stuck #probably mostly because im literally physically stuck 1000 miles away from everyone else i know in a place where shes the only person i know #but even after that i think ill still feel so stuck. theres a lot of things she has that i really need to get from her before i do anything #that might make her mad at me. i want to delete our stupid chat full of uncomfortable shit vut thats gonna piss her off #she has a lot of pictures of me from when i was younger and those are pretty much the only pictures of me from then #i can barely even remember those years. id like to get those if i can. also i wanna see if i can convince her to delete all the weird videos #she took of me without my consent while i was having psychotic episodes bc like. what the fuck. AND i know she literally just shows them #to her friends and laughs at them bc shes told me she does. which is very upsetting. and if i can get her to delete them id feek so much #better and not be upset over that all the time #i just cant get iver how much she fucking sucks. she does so much fucked up shit and its so awful. why would she ever think its ok ti record #me when im not in a good headspace. without telling me. and then upload it to her snapchat also without telling me #i only found out about her doing that originally because she decided to show me some of the funny things people said about me on the #video i didnt even know existed and had no memory of what happened. she loves to claim shes so chill and nice and good about mental #illness and she understands it so much and would never ever do anything weird and ableist like that. and then does that. #i feel so much worse abiut myslef and all the behaviors i have caused by my myriad of mental shit specifically because of her #ugh i am so not looking forward to being in a car with her for 20 hours when i move. but thats how it has to be.

[aroaceofthesea]

I was in a 18 bday party today and we didnt have a gift for the bday girl💀💀

#luckily we made a pretty good last minute save #im usually the kind of person to sit back and say yes to whatever ppl are saying to get for the persons bday #the problem is that this time there wasnt one big present and every group did their thing #and the four of our group were the same as me so we literally didnt even think of a gift until we were there💀💀 #luckily we know her rlly well (weve been friends since like 3) so we decided to get her a vale for puenting #<-sorry if the last sentence is illegible to you im too lazy to think how to say it in english #and we looked pretty cool and she was rlly happy with the gift so i take that as a win #it was a 25 ppl dinner and we only talked the 4 of us lolll (and with the bday girl obv) #but i had fuun i got to see sides of a couple of them that i had never rlly seen before #bc like the bday girl me and another weve known each other since forever we were bffs at school etc #the other two are from music and i n music theres a group that are kinda intimidating so most ppl outside that group arent rlly completely #themselves at music tho you get to see them after music when we stay talking or on the walk home etc #but theres not as much time so it was nice to get to know better the other two😋😋 #also im rlly happy bc the bday girl and the other one aftr years of barely talking even tho we saw each other every week it feels like #weve been reconnecting lately (we stopped being good friends bc life not any argument or anything) and i love it #like i know it will never be like it used to be in school when we were super close but its nice to have them as friends again #looking back on it our relationship was never very healthy (in any direction tbh) but it was nice while it lasted #i wouldnt want to go back to what we had but i would like to build a new and healthier relationship with them and its finally happening :) #ok that was a long rant lol #mine #life