#but the fact stands that sam learned from his family and dean not to trust demons | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hauntedwitch04 · 7 months

Text

Bdays cake

brother!Den Winchester x sister!reader

(Dean x Cas because Destiel is my ship and they deserve to be happy)

Words: about 2.0k words

Warnings: sad Dean (my love), John Winchester (in this account John Winchester is a worse enemy and more evil than Lucifer, at the end I kinda love my Luci :) ), lovely Cas, lovely moment between siblings

Author's note: Hi! Here another one shot fo the series for my birthday. Tomorrow is my birthday and I'm kinda freakin' out because i have my first exams of uni :). Hope you like it loves, with love your witch Becky

p.s I'm at season 6, so plese be kind with comment if i got somethign wrong :)

Requests are open I Ask

My masterlist

Join the Taglist

Buy me a coffee - Patreon submission

Bday plan

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-..-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Dean loves cakes.

And this I think is a universally known truth.

And he's also a decent cook, if we have to be honest, but if we really have to find something that he can't cook, well that's cakes.

Today is your birthday, his beloved little sister, whom he still finds hard to believe has grown up enough to be 19 years old, yet just today he had gone to the supermarket to buy candles, since the nine had now been lost since you celebrated your nine years many years ago and the one they had used the year before for your 18th birthday had melted after Cas had used it as a Christmas candle, thinking it was a badly made candy cane. As a matter of fact, the cashier had smiled at him when she had seen his purchase, along with all the ingredients for the cake she is making, and had asked him how old you were and he in turn, trying to be cordial to the old lady had replied that you would be 19 the next day, today. The lady had smiled even more and told him something like, "It's bad to see one's children grow up so fast, I guess all you would want is for your little girl to still be little." Those words had upset Dean a bit because: first, he had not thought he looked so old that he could have a 19-year-old daughter (Cas, in fact, had spent hours trying to convince her beloved husband, who had been staring at himself in front of the mirror, that he didn't actually look that old and that the lady probably couldn't see that well); second, that indeed perhaps those words were true.

You were born out of a one-night stand, had with a woman in some state that he doesn't even remember, of his father; in fact all Dean remembers is that one day, when he was in his early twenties, his father had walked through the motel door with a bundle of blankets in his hand, and inside in that comfortable chest was you. His life had improved with a simple little human, in fact that day had changed his life, and for that it was the best day of his existence.

Sam had been leaving him for a while, and he had never felt so lonely as he did during those years, and then you had come along, and everything had improved so damn much. Sam had learned about you from a call at two o'clock in the morning from his brother as soon as you had arrived, and immediately asked him to come over to find out about the new addition to the family, and loving you immensely from the first time he had held you in his arms, and found out that Dean was already going crazy not wanting to miss a single thing with you and buying every baby thing he saw in the supermarkets.

For a long time he had been trying to keep you out of his life, leaving you with Bobby and a few other trusted people, but then he couldn't keep you away from himself anymore, coming to see you every chance he got even driving days at a time without stopping, because you were always his light, his tender little reason for living.

Over time you had grown and become a great hunter, having great teachers.

You have always been related to both of your brothers then, but with Dean there has always been a special relationship, you have always been accomplices, each other's halves, and because of that until he met Castiel, Dean was convinced that you were his soul mate.

And it hurts him to see you grow up, to see you become an adult, you his sweet, innocent little girl making drawings to hang on Bobby's fridge with you, your favorite big brother and a gutted monster on them. (Dean also will never confess it to you, because he is too used to not letting on how he feels, but he still has in a box in the back of his closet all the things you gave him when you were little, a box full of mementos, candy, labels and especially all those drawings, wanting to somehow trap little baby you).

But coming back to this moment, we left our Dean intending to read the recipe for your favorite cake, thinking it was very easy, much easier than the website would have you believe. So he takes the ingredients he had bought the day before and begins our great hero's adventure against the most treacherous monster of all: the bakery.

A few minutes pass and already the oldest Winchester finds himself covered in flour, butter and something he cannot recognize, and all having not even opened the flour yet, and for that he does not understand how it was possible.

Cas at the door lets out a small laugh as she looks at her busy husband, who upon hearing it looks up and gives him the middle finger.

"Are you still sure you want to do this? We all know you're not a bad cook, but when it comes to pies you're not exactly the best person for the job." Confesses the angel, approaching Dean, then trying to wipe his cheek before leaving him a kiss in the small area he had obtained.

"She deserves it. I-I have to make her a cake, I have to do something to show her that she is very important to me, she is my little girl, I love her." The man says, gradually shutting off his voice, hoping her husband would not hear the last words, still ashamed a little that he might look weak in her eyes, even though she had now seen him in all his lowest moments and had loved him even in those moments. Cas shakes her head, as we all are doing after all, and looks at the man she loves enough to deny her past and embrace a new present, dreaming of a wonderful future.

"And just tell her what you told me? Don't think I'm not happy that you want to bake her cake, I'm convinced it's a wonderful idea, but it would be even better perhaps if you bake the cake together. She loves to bake, especially cakes for you, why not do it together this time?" Proposes the shorter man of the two, looking into the eyes of Dean who was currently holding back tears, feeling for the umpteenth time as wrong, useless and incapable as when after a hunt gone wrong his father scolded him and beat him until he almost fell unconscious after yet another beer too many.

"Precisely because of that, I have to do it for her. I know perfectly well what it's like to have the need to make sure you do everything to make others feel good, without thinking of yourself, and I don't want her to feel that way too, that the cakes she bakes for me are a duty. I want to return the favor, and for once do it to her." Winchester counters, trying to hide his distress from the piercing blue eyes of the angel he loves so much.

"Then let me help you." Cas begs him, taking his still soiled hands, not caring that he too is now covered in flour, before wrapping leave them to wrap his arms around the waist of the man who had stolen his heart ever since he had seen him in Hell, causing him to plummet, literally dare I say it, from his home.

Dean doesn't find the strength to answer right away, but shakes his head vehemently, before saying in a low voice that he had to do it alone, that he couldn't be helped or the guilt would grip him for who knows how long. This time it is Cas's turn to shake his head, commenting as loudly as all the Winchesters he knows thus emphasizing that John is not for a dick's sake like his sons by reiterating once again the eternal hatred he feels for that existing being who had helped bring his favorite siblings into the world, highlighting how they were frighteningly the same: stubborn, proud, and stupidly and bravely the most selfless and good people he knows.

The sweet and affectionate scene between the two, to the detriment of us poor readers, is interrupted by a voice, yours, which you cannot help but comment on the angel's words.

"Well my dear, you have bound yourself to us with a bond worse than a pact with Crowley himself by marrying that old man." You laughingly comment, looking around the kitchen a bit as you wonder what happened: whether a bomb went off or your brother and his husband decided to have crazy sex while cooking themselves a romantic dinner.

"What happened here?" You ask, then rest your eyes on Dean's red ones, which had let go a few minutes ago in a silent cry on Cas's shoulder.

The angel mumbles an excuse and runs out of the kitchen, leaving you alone, and you immediately hug your brother, not knowing what else to do.

"Sorry, I don't know what else to say. Sorry for not being what you deserve, I wanted to make a cake to celebrate your birthday, but I couldn't even make a fucking easy cake. I am a terrible person, I failed, just like dad failed. I wanted to be better for you, I wanted you to have everything I didn't have, and I feel like shit because I couldn't do it." Dean confesses tearfully as he clutches your figure in your mighty arms, and you can't help but cry in turn and hold him even tighter to you, and sob against his chest.

"Don't even joke about it, you have always been, are and will always be great. You are the only reason I didn't run away from Dad, because I wanted you, and I love you so much, that I can't leave you even for a second because you are a fundamental part of my happiness." You answer, in a voice just loud enough for him to hear you. "I love you, because of what you do and what you are, not because of what you feel obligated to do."

"I love you too little one, much more than you know." He confesses in turn. You stay like this for a while in each other's arms, doing nothing and enjoying each other's presence, until you propose something.

"How about we go see a movie, maybe one of the cartoons we like so much, and then tomorrow, since it's my birthday, we'll all have a cake together, with even those two assholes behind the door who are trying to hide." You comment, seeing Sam and Cas come out of the corner where they were hiding.

They, a little guilty, apologize but you say it's nothing and together they all went to see a movie together, like the beautiful and happy, if a little unfortunate in some (many) cases.

Now the story does not end here, but how about giving these poor people some privacy, I think they have suffered enough already. I hope this little story, good continuation and good research to the next fanfiction to read, from your prophetess Chuck-no sorry Becky is all, with love, to our next fanfiction.

TAGLIST

@cheyennep3107 @mortica-raven13 @theviewfromtheotherside @supernatural-lvr @imnotcryingurcrying-blog

#hauntedwitch04's writing #dean winchester fanfic #dean x castiel #dean winchester x castiel #supernatural x reader #dean winchester x sister!reader #dean winchester fanfiction #deanwinchesterxreader #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester #sister

40 notes · View notes

valleydean · 2 years

Photo

Chapter Eighteen: All I’ve Ever Learned from Love [read here]

FIC SUMMARY: Dean Winchester is dead. For decades, he, along with Castiel and Sam, has led a peaceful afterlife in heaven. He has everything he’s ever wanted: a home, his family and friends surrounding him, and a relationship with Cas—and he’s bored as hell. Until, one day, Chuck escapes heaven’s lock up and begins capturing souls to regain power. To stop him, Jack sends Dean, Cas, and Sam back to Earth. After so long away from hunting, will they be able to once again find their place in the family business?

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Dean and Castiel come to a compromise regarding Death’s ring; Sam and Eileen ask the Banes Twins for help.

CHAPTER PREVIEW:

When Castiel walked into the kitchen that morning, Dean and Jack were already inside, standing on opposite sides of the chrome island counter. Dean was spooning scrambled eggs from a skillet into Jack’s plate, and both the sight and smell of it caused Castiel’s stomach to roil. He was suddenly lightheaded, but that was nothing compared to the tearing, twisting pain in his chest that had woken him up that morning and made him rush from bed to spit iron-tasting blood into the sink.

Castiel had stared down at the bright red rolling down the white porcelain and became suddenly all-too aware of his own fragile mortality. He’d forced himself to run the water to clean the basin, letting all such ponderings follow the blood and water down the drain.

He’d just been fortunate Dean had already been awake and out of the room by then.

“Good morning,” he said when Dean and Jack looked up at him, Dean with a shuttered expression and Jack with big, sad eyes that could only mean he was told what was going on. Castiel tried to ignore both of their eyes and moved to the table. He focused instead on the fact that Dean and Jack seemed to be in a better place than they had been recently. Maybe they’d spoken, and any animosity was in the past. Castiel was glad.

He lowered himself onto a stool carefully, not wanting to upset any of the writhing inside of him, but also trying not to move in a way that suggested he was in pain. It was a delicate balancing act.

“Hungry?” Dean asked him in a way that somehow sounded threatening.

“No,” Castiel said, hoping it wouldn’t raise suspicion. He heard Dean bang around a few pots and pans on the stove, and was all very loud and annoying. Castiel could feel a headache blooming behind his eyes.

Jack wandered toward the table and set his plate down opposite Castiel, but he didn’t sit. Castiel didn’t pause to wonder why Jack was looming. He was trying too hard to not focus on the putrid wafting scent of the eggs, or the way they were congealing. Instead, he looked up at Jack and attempted a gentle smile. He was glad to see him whole and safe, but before he could say as much, Dean began speaking again.

“Talked to Claire this morning. She told me about the hunt you went on.”

Castiel’s eyes snapped toward him, and his stomach clenched again, but he was certain that it was psychosomatic this time. He tried not to get ahead of himself. It’s possible Claire hadn’t mentioned her concerns to Dean.

Dean rested on the far side of the counter, gripping the edges. His eyes were dulled and jaw rigid as he inspected Castiel. “And she told me she almost had to take you to the ER. Said the only reason she came here was ‘cause she didn’t trust you to drive yourself.”

Castiel sighed and dropped his eyes downward. He was certain Dean was embellishing what Claire had said, even though she had been rather adamant about driving back to the bunker with him. “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh,” Dean shot back cuttingly. “And you wanna go try that again? On Chuck?”

Castiel gritted his teeth, his temper flaring at once. He already felt ill; he didn’t need Dean’s judgment on top of it. “Yes.” Maybe Dean wouldn’t understand, but Castiel knew Jack would. Nothing was more important than stopping Chuck.

He cast his gaze upward to Jack and assured, “I can do this. There’s nothing to worry about. I feel fine.” There was a pressure in his throat that felt like bile trying to eject itself from his body. He held steady.

Jack pressed his lips together, expression fraught. He looked over his shoulder, back at Dean, and Castiel saw Dean give him a firm nod. Before Castiel could process what that could have meant, Jack held up his hand and said, “I’m sorry.” He tapped his fingers to Castiel’s forehead, and Castiel felt a jolt of power go through him.

A grunt punched out of him. He could taste metal again. His bones felt like glass, too delicate to hold him up. Something like fire licked at his gut. Jack lowered his hand, and the pain ebbed back into something more tolerable.

Castiel heard his breaths coming out haggard. There was sweat prickling on his hairline.

“Anything?” Dean asked, his voice sounding as if it were echoing up from the bottom of a well.

Jack looked around at him again, and Castiel briefly rescinded his previous gladness at Dean and Jack’s mended relationship.

“Yes,” Jack told him, a fissure of fear running through his tone. “His insides. They feel like… a scraped knee. All over.”

Dean’s brow’s shot up, his lips parting.

“I feel fine,” Castiel lied again.

“Doesn’t matter!” Dean yelled at once. “You put on that ring again, it’ll make it worse!”

“Dean—”

“Cas, Dean’s right,” Jack told him, attracting Castiel’s eyes. “This is dangerous.”

Castiel scoffed, because everything was dangerous. They could afford safety right now, and even if they could, there was none to be found anymore. “Chuck is my responsibility.”

“No!” Jack argued, eyes darkening. “He’s mine!”

“And my responsibility is to protect you,” Castiel told him, trying and failing to not sound irritable. “I won’t let you get killed, Jack. I won’t let any of you get killed.” He pointedly swung his eyes back to Dean to punctuate that sentence.

Dean stared back, gaze razor-sharp. “Oh, come on, Cas! So, you’re the only one who’s gotta die?”

“Yes!” Castiel tried to catch his breath. “No,” he amended, gaining control of his anger. He breathed in and out deeply. “I don’t want to die, but I have to do this. Jack, I won’t let you fight Chuck alone. So, I’m going to find another soul to reap and I’m going to get stronger.”

“And what if you don’t?” Dean cut in.

“I will,” Castiel told him firmly. He looked between Dean and Jack, and he was resolved to prove it to them. “Come with me. Both of you.” He ignored the way Dean was shaking his head down at the counter and powered through, “I’ll show you that I can do this. And… if something goes wrong, Jack will be there to help me.”

He kept his eyes fixed on Dean, waiting for his answer. Dean’s shoulders tensed and he lifted his head again to glare. But he said, “Fine.”

Castiel hadn’t expected him to agree so readily.

“But I see anything—and I mean anything—I don’t like,” Dean said, pointing toward Jack, “he takes the wheel. No arguing! Got it?”

Dean had learned to trust Jack. That was good. Castiel wouldn’t dare say a word against that, but he was determined to keep Jack from aiding him today. He couldn’t fail. He couldn’t falter, no matter what. He had to show Dean he could do this, even if killed him. So long as Chuck was dead and both his family and the universe were safe, nothing else mattered.

“Yeah,” Castiel told him.

Dean was still carrying himself with hostility. He shot Castiel one more scowl before bringing the skillet toward the sink. Over his shoulder, he said, “Jack, get dressed.”

Jack nodded, his eyes still imploring and worried as he regarded Castiel. Castiel tried to give him a smile of encouragement, but it was a weak thing. Jack collected his breakfast from the table and left the kitchen.

Castiel let out a heavy breath, suddenly weary. He watched the way Dean scrubbed the skillet like he was trying to erode it into nothing, then made up his mind and joined Dean at the sink.

“You don’t have to worry,” Castiel told him, knowing it was futile.

Dean swung his head toward Castiel and shot him a dull glower. “Really, Cas? ‘Cause your bright ideas usually end up with you dead.”

Castiel didn’t tell him the end result could very well be the same this time, especially since Dean was already well aware. “Well,” he said instead, “I will… try not to end up dead.”

Dean put the skillet on the drying rack and turned off the water with more force than necessary. He clutched the sides of the sink and stared down at the suds. “Why do you have to do this? Why can’t it be anyone else?”

He already knew why. Castiel wouldn’t sacrifice anyone.

“You’re not a weapon, Cas.”

A long time ago, Castiel had told Dean that. He said he wasn’t a hammer. But it wasn’t true; he just wanted it to be.

“Yes, I am,” Castiel told him, causing Dean’s gaze to jerk up to meet his again. “I’m an angel. It’s the reason I was made.”

“Yeah, by Chuck,” Dean argued. “And you broke outta that!”

Maybe he was right, but it was of little consequence. “I’m not fighting for Chuck. I’m fighting for our family. For Jack and Sam and Eileen and everything. Everyone we love—in heaven, on Earth.” And, most importantly of all: “I’m fighting for you, Dean.”

“Don’t,” Dean said sharply. “This doesn’t all fall on you.”

“Maybe. But I have to try. You know you’d do the same in my place.”

Dean pursed his lips, because he knew Castiel was right. But his argument wasn’t born of logic. After a long pause, he asked, “How many times do I have to lose you?”

Castiel couldn’t answer. He felt sick again. He looked away, unable to keep his resolve and to love Dean at the same time.

//////

Tagged: @lovercas @donestiel @wanderingcas @thetiredstuff @skella-bro @casthegrumpy @celestialcastiel @bluefirecas @jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets @that-one-fandom-chick @haru-park96 @alejandriaiqq @no-aesthetic-all-aethetic @amirosebooks @epple-benene @agus-likes @the-ship-haz-sailed @justkissalreadyforfucksake @madimoo31 @an-angel-in-love-with-a-hunter @gracelesstars @bazghetti @wayward-waffles @theojaxons @jenmishrob @all-or-nothing-baby @auttownblue @leftistdean @sargafust @wannabe-loser @jessalrynn @splicedthoughts @castielss @that-dumbass-on-a-horse @passionfruixts @fabreagab @princesswinchester100 @superduckbatrebel @hopefuldreamers-world@theangelwiththewormstache @casandeans @mylovelydame21 @confusedisaster @superduckbatrebel @destielwentcanonomg @highest-brightness @i-put-the-ayyy-in-asexual @darkacademiagay @imthedoctorlove @freckledean @youcanteverknowenough @chicken-kebabs @myguardianangelisatrickster @hotactiongirlcoded @wingsandimpalas @casandhumanity @tploz @dontsgotalifee389 @on-a-bender @castiel-mybeloved @siriusseverusdeservedbetter @doctorprofessorsong @castielshotgirlsummer @toomuchheartcas @paintdriesfaster @lesbiancowboyy @angelinthefire @transdeantruther @fluffy-alpacaness @rogue-cas-whore @winchester-derangement-syndrome @lizzybennettdarcy @kineticpassion @i-love-books-and-so-do-you @dascean @llamasdumpsterfire @psychicbouquetblaze-stuff @im-some-lionheart @charlie-bradburi @bunnymcbunnister @demonicwhitewolf @gothanna @afeelingsosweet

Please let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list for future chapters/fics.

#destiel #deancas #destiel fic #deancas fic #destieldaily #spn #supernatural #spn fic #dean winchester #castiel #redux #my writing #spn s16

52 notes · View notes

thegeminisage · 3 years

Note

wait go on i unironically want your thoughts on john calling the car vs dean saying "she"

okay.

firstly, we are discussing the tags on this post

secondly, i want everybody to know that this meta is the reason i ended up cracking open john winchester’s journal last night and became patient zero for this whole damn website spiraling about dean killing dead gay nuns. it’s all because of this! this is why we’re here today! stupid car pronoun meta!

anyway.

this is jumping off the idea that the car is not just an extension of dean’s soul but his body and hhhhholy fuck when did that get that many notes. alright! anyway to recap: the car is an extension of dean - he lashes out at her in his moment of ultimate self-loathing (2.01), she becomes dirty and neglected when dean is in emotional turmoil (1.21, 13.01), she’s damaged when he’s hurt (in 2.01, in 5.22, just to name a couple of the most iconic examples), she was kept under a tarp (shroud!) during the year dean was emotionally dead (season 5/6 timeskip) and after dean ACTUALLY died for good in the accursed finale (she even showed up in heaven because obviously she’d go wherever he did), he is able to kill monsters with her, making her body a weapon just like his is (11.04), she and dean even get stolen/kidnapped at the same time (also 11.04). she’s full of personalization and personal items - sam and dean carved their initials into her, the legos and the toy soldier in the ashtray - this is akin to dean wearing sam’s amulet and his father’s jacket. he’s picky about who drives her (because there are a very limited number of people he trusts with his physical safety), he knows her inside and out the way one knows themselves, etc.

dean also frequently refers to the car as both his only worldly possession and his home - she gives him a place to sleep, eat, and fuck when there’s nowhere else available. she gives him shelter in a world where there is none, privacy in a life that affords very little personal space.

dean, for the above reasons and more, treats the car like a person. he refers to her as “she” (almost exclusively - he used “it” when convincing a young john to buy her during 4.03, and there might be some early season examples i’m forgetting, but for the most part his pronoun usage is solid), he takes care of her better than he takes care of himself, devoting the kind of time and effort to her upkeep that he only devotes to family. she’s the woman of the family, so to speak, kind of the way dean is - they’re both acting as the stand-in for the missing mary, and he cherishes and values her. (the way a healthy individual might value themselves and their own physical well-being, if they didn’t have dean’s self-loathing attached.)

john, on the other hand, calls the car “it.” which isn’t really that weird by itself because most people use it pronouns for cars (sam calls the car an it too, it’s not necessarily an indicator of anything malevolent), except for the fact that john is a mechanic. much like a sailor is more likely to call a boat “she,” you’d think a mechanic would be similarly inclined to humanizing cars. considering that john was the one who TAUGHT dean how to care for a car, you’d think dean’s usage of “she” was yet another learned behavior, along with dean’s jacket and music and hypermasculinity.

but john never refers to the car as “she,” only “it.” john may place some emotional value on the car, just the way he places some emotional value on dean, but NOTHING comes before his quest to avenge mary. (if you were wondering, this is what sam was doing while dean was killing dead gay nuns.)

the car is important, but her biggest importance lies not in her being part of the family, but in her being part of the hunt. she’s a tool, a blunt instrument, just like dean. john uses her to get places and cart his kids around the country and sleep when he has nowhere else to go.

a good example of how john only sorta-kinda values the car can be found in his journal entry for dean’s 18th birthday:

john wanted to give dean SOMETHING, and while he was reluctant to part with the car (“i’ll still be driving it”), but when push came to shove and he couldn’t find anything else, she did just fine in a pinch.

could you imagine dean EVER giving away his car? every time he has, it’s been prior to his own death, or what he thought would be his death. and aside from the times when no family was around (2.10 comes to mind), she was always given to a member of his family, blood or otherwise - usually sam, who dean knows best and trusts above all others.

since the car is dean’s body, you can pretty directly compare this to john holding dean’s own physical freedom and autonomy over his head well after he reaches the age of traditional adulthood. that john only truly let dean be in charge or the car and keep it for himself once john ABANDONED him speaks more to john’s interest in controlling his tools than it does to him wanting to do something kind for dean.

the car is dean, and dean is the car. for dean, this means she is the only way he is able to take care of and love himself, even if in a very roundabout way. for john, that means caring a little - but not caring about anything more than mary. in the end, everything, even dean’s own humanity, comes second to revenge. no matter how perfect and powerful your tools and weapons are, no matter how much you may care about them, they’re made to be used - and, when they’ve outlived their usefulness, to be discarded.

[spn masterpost]

#deanwinchestergender #liz answers asks #supernatural #john winchester #liz's meta #liz's spn stuff #john's journal liveblog #kinda #it took me so long to finish because i got interrupted by sending the entirety of tumblr into fits about dead gay nuns #but here it is.

642 notes · View notes

dothwrites · 4 years

Text

15.19--freedom

“Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose/Nothing, don’t mean nothing if it ain’t free, no, no”--Janis Joplin

---

Freedom.

Dean rolls the word around on the tip of his tongue and tastes how it feels. Freedom.

It’s a strange concept, especially since he always assumed that he was. Ever since Apocalypse Version 1.0 was averted, Michael and Lucifer locked in the cage, thanks very much, he’s always assumed that he was the one calling the shots. No matter how badly he fucked up (and he fucked up a lot), he could at least take comfort in the fact that those were his choices. No one’s hand up Dean Winchester’s ass, no siree.

And then Chuck came and ripped that certainty away from him in one quick motion and then...everything was suspect. Sam, Mom, Jack...Cas. Every word, every action, every emotion... He couldn’t trust anything, so he trusted nothing.

He still wakes up from nightmares with those words echoing in his head: You’re dead to me. He bolts upright, almost puking, because he can’t believe his past self, he can’t believe that those words came out of his mouth, to Cas, to Cas of all people--

He splashes water on his face and notices that his hand is shaking. His stomach churns in warning, but he doesn’t think he’s going to puke. However, he also doesn’t think he’s going back to sleep tonight.

He and Sam are in the bunker, but he knows they won’t stay. It’s too empty now, their voices echoing through the halls and rooms. Maybe once, he would have been all right with that, would have even enjoyed it, but now, he can’t bear it. He remembers all too well how it felt to have Jack’s voice bouncing through the kitchen as he talked about the latest movie they had watched, or how it felt to just feel Cas behind him as he moved through the kitchen.

Every time he makes his breakfast, he’s reminded of what he lost. Every time he and Sam come back to the bunker, there’s the sinking disappointment to find themselves alone once more. Dean ends up spending most of his days in his room because anywhere else freaks him out. He can’t stop whipping his head to look over his shoulder, halfway convinced that he’ll find someone standing behind him. He’s always disappointed when he finds himself alone.

He and Sam are going to leave the bunker behind. He doesn’t know when and he doesn’t know what for, but he knows that it’s going to happen.

He asks Sam one afternoon why he hasn’t left yet. Eileen is waiting for him, biding her time a hell of a lot more patiently than Dean would, and Sam still isn’t going to her and starting the American dream life. And one afternoon, Dean either runs out of fucks and gathers up his last little shreds of courage, and asks him.

“So when are you going to move in with Eileen? I can’t imagine that she’s going to wait for your gigantor ass forever.”

Sam looks at him from across the table. There’s a book open in front of him, but Dean doesn’t think that he’s read a word. He knows that he’s been stuck on the same screen on his phone for several minutes. Without the pressing urgency of saving the world, things just seem so...pointless. Which is not necessarily bad. But it means that he and Sam spend a lot of slow, lingering afternoons like this, with just the two of them wandering through the bunker and occasionally bouncing off of each other like two very faulty pinballs stuck in a malfunctioning machine.

“She’s fine,” Sam says, which isn’t an answer. “She understands what’s happening.”

Dean’s glad that someone understands because he surely has no fucking clue.

---

His life falls into a kind of routine. Wake up, make breakfast. Find pointless chores to do around the bunker. Make lunch. Watch some bullshit shows on TV. Make dinner. Have a beer. Fall asleep.

He feels like the worst kind of retiree, devoid of purpose.

Sure, there are occasional hunts, but he doesn’t feel the need to go on them. The world is turning, same as it always did, and there are other hunters in the world. If that’s one thing that he learned through these past years, it’s that he doesn’t have to do everything.

(Plus, he and Sam literally defeated God, so he thinks they deserve some time off.)

The forced retirement doesn’t make him happy. The bunker is the cleanest that it’s ever been and he doesn’t feel happy about it. There’s a gaping hole in his chest that’s shaped like the rest of his family, and he can’t sleep at night. He makes dinner and all he can think about are the empty places at the table.

Sam sticks his head into Dean’s room. It’s a regular day, though Dean doesn’t bother to note either the actual date or the day of the week anymore. Time blends together in an endless cycle of waking, chores, and sleeping, because without a purpose to hold him together, he’s slowly falling apart.

“I’m going to head out,” Sam says. Dean notices that he doesn’t put a timeline on his departure. “You should get out too.”

Dean raises his eyebrows but doesn’t ask the obvious question: Where would he go? Sam, slightly chagrined, scuffs his feet against the floor. “Maybe go see Jody, Donna, and the girls? See if Charlie and Stevie want a third on their hunt? Bobby said something about building up his library here.”

“Yeah,” Dean says, with absolutely no intention of following through on any of those suggestions. He’s not quite wallowing in his own grief and filth (every time he tries to crawl back into a bottle, he just remembers the pinched look at the corners of Cas’ eyes whenever he would find Dean halfway through a bender, and that memory effectively nixes any desire he might have had to crawl into the nearest bottle), but he’s not exactly the poster boy for healthy coping strategies either.

“Dean.”

Dean hates that note in Sam’s voice, the oh-so-soft and sensitive tone that could soothe widows and lull children. He hates even more that it’s being turned on him, hates most of all that he derives comfort from it.

“I don’t get it,” Dean finally says, because if Sam is leaving then he might be losing his chance to ask his question aloud. “I don’t get...I mean, Jack could have brought him back. He could have done it. I could have asked him. I was right fucking there, and I didn’t ask.”

He’s dissected those moments in his head until there’s nothing left, and he’s forced to cobble them back together like some Frankenstein of memories just so he can take them apart all over again. Why didn’t he ask Jack to bring Cas back? Why didn’t Jack do it of his own free will? Jack knew how he much he needed Cas; hell, Jack brought him back once before when he wasn’t God. So why couldn’t he do it then, when Dean needed him the most?

“I don’t know,” Sam says, still in that same soft voice. “Maybe...maybe it was like Mom? I mean, Cas made his choice. For better or worse, he made it, and maybe Jack thinks that we need to respect it?”

A thick lump rises in his throat. Cas’ face replays in his nightmares, tear-stricken and yet smiling, peace and grief shining in his eyes. I love you. Like it was the easiest thing in the world to say at that moment. Like it was all he’d ever wanted to say.

“I never...” Dean swallows, but he doesn’t manage to chase away the horrid feeling rising in his chest. “I never said it back to him, Sam. I never...all those times he said it to us, and I never...he died, thinking that no one loved him. The one thing I want, I know I can’t have, is what he said to me.”

Dean doesn’t necessarily have a list of his regrets (there are too many to really list), but if he did, then he knows this would be at the top of it. Cas sacrificed himself, Cas let himself get taken, Cas died, and all to save someone who he believed didn’t love him back.

How could he not know?

Dean knows he’s not necessarily Mr. Subtle; he knows Sam knows. Their enemies damn sure have seemed to figure out through the years exactly where Dean’s heart lies. How could Cas, as brilliant as he was, as insightful, as compassionate as he was, not understand that Dean’s been lost on him, quite possible since the first time he walked through those barn doors?

Sam’s face goes on a journey and it ends up at about the same place that Dean feels. Maybe now Sam understands why it’s so much effort for him to just make it out of his room.

“He thought it was worth it,” Sam finally says. “Even if he thought...At the end, it was still worth it to him.”

You were still worth it, is left unsaid, but Dean hears the echo nonetheless. There’s an accusation there which he doesn’t want to confront, but he has to nonetheless.

“I can’t stay here anymore,” Sam finally says. “I can’t...” When he looks at Dean, his eyes are glistening. There’s a plea for understanding in his face. “There’s a whole world out there that I haven’t gotten to see since...since Stanford really. Since ever. I can finally go out there and walk around and not worry that something’s going to come after me. I can finally...” Sam rubs a corner of his shirt between his fingers. “You always said that I wanted a normal life, and I did, for a while. Then, when I figured that it was never going to happen, I stopped myself from wanting it, because what was the point? When everything we had got ripped away from us, what was the point of anything? But now...”

“If you start now, then you can probably make Des Moines by night,” Dean offers. It’s all he can say, but it’s enough.

Sam smiles, his eyes glassy. “I’ll call you when I get there.”

It’s not a goodbye, but it is. It’s the bonds of desperation and codependency snapping and shattering and reforming into something else. Dean doesn’t know how to love his brother in this new world. All he knows is that Sam deserves to live the life he’s deserved.

Dean closes his eyes.

When he opens them, Sam is gone.

---

That night, he goes up on the roof of the bunker. It’s cold, but not unbearable. There’s a light drizzle falling which strengthens to a gentle shower the longer he stays outside.

Dean closes his eyes and looks up at the sky. Out here, the stars shine clearer than ever before, visible even through the rainclouds.

He can’t help but think of Jack. His son. He can say those words now, acknowledge that Jack gave him everything he really wanted; the chance at a family, the chance to erase some of his father’s sins. Jack was gentle, he was kind, he was loving, he was theirs. And then he was gone.

Cas, Jack, Sam...

“What am I supposed to do?” Dean asks the rain, the same wild pain rising up in his throat. “What am I supposed to do now?”

---

He makes it back inside, damp and cold, and strips himself. He should shower, but he can’t be bothered, so he falls into bed naked and shivering. Not like it matters; no one is around to see him anyway. He falls into a fitful doze and is only awakened hours later by the soft sounds of someone moving around his room.

He bolts upright, snatching his gun out from underneath his pillow, because old habits die never. He blinks the sleep out of his eyes as his heartbeat catches up with his adrenaline. “Sam?” he asks, and then, more tentatively, “Jack?”

His desk lamp blazes into the life with a soft snap. Dean’s heart leaps into his throat.

Cas smiles at him, the same as always, sadness always lurking in his eyes and at the corners of his mouth. Dean finally understands why he looks that way.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas says. The sound of his voice sends shivers down Dean’s spine, but the hair on his arms doesn’t rise. Dean understands then.

“This is a dream.” He lowers the gun. His heart slows to normal and disappointment is bitter in his mouth. “You’re not really here.”

Cas’ mouth lifts in a lopsided smile. “It’s as real as you make it.”

“Don’t fucking Dumbledore me,” Dean mutters. He rubs at his temples. Somehow, even lucid dreaming has lost its appeal. Talking to Cas isn’t appealing when he knows that he’s just talking to his own subconscious.

“I fail to see what a fictional wizard of questionable sexuality has to do with this.”

“Good to know that my subconscious has your sense of humor down.” Dean glares at Cas. “Why the fuck are you here, anyway? It’s a dick move, even for my brain.”

“Maybe because I’m the person you want to see? I don’t know. It’s your head, not mine.”

“Yeah. No offense, but I think I’m just going to go back to sleep. Or wake up. I don’t know. Whatever it is, I don’t need to see you anymore. It’s just...It really hurts, all right?”

“I’m not real, so you’re not really hurting my feelings.”

“Good. Well, now that we have that sorted out.” Dean punches his pillow as a punishment for betraying him, before he turns back to Cas. “I miss you,” he says, because he’s weak and always has been.

“Dean.” The sound of Cas’ voice always manages to make Dean stop and now is no different. He turns around and looks at Cas.

Somehow, Cas looks more solid around the edges. The lines around his eyes are more pronounced, and if Dean turns his head at just the right angle, he thinks he can see grey silvering at Cas’ temple.

“Sam was right,” Cas says. “I made a choice. That’s what this was all about, ever since the beginning. Making choices, running our own course, picking our own path.”

“Yeah, thanks for rubbing it in,” Dean mutters. The last thing he needs is his subconscious reminding him that once again, Cas decided that he wasn’t good enough to stay with.

“But that doesn’t mean that you can’t make a choice as well,” Cas continues, ignoring him. “There’s nothing to stop you. You can make whatever choices you want and take the consequences that come with them. And if you make the right choices, then maybe...” Cas bites his lip, looking almost nervous. “Then maybe I can make some choices too.”

Dean opens his mouth to argue--Cas is dead, the time for making decisions has come and gone--but his subconscious is a dick, and before he can say anything, his dream fades away in a wash of black.

---

Dean wakes up energized. His eyes open into the same room, but it’s different somehow. It’s ridiculous, because the bunker is underground, but it’s almost like he sees the sun shining through his windows. Even the air tastes different. For the first time in weeks, he gets out of bed without dreading every step away from his mattress.

He glances at his phone. There’s a message from Sam along with a picture. In it, Eileen and Sam smile at the camera, their heads pressed together at the temple. There’s still a shadow of sadness in their eyes--they’ve all lost too much to be truly carefree ever again--but they look good. Happy. Whole.

Cas’ words echo back at him, both from the dream and from those last, horrible, terrifying moments.

Everything you did, you did for love.

You can make a choice.

Dean starts towards the library.

---

It takes him three weeks of almost non-stop research to cobble together enough spells to make something that has the potential to work. This isn’t his strength; Sam is much more suited for this type of work, but he won’t bring Sam in on this. If this thing goes really damn badly, then it has the potential to wipe him off the face of the earth, goodbye Dean Winchester. If this thing does what he’s halfway expecting it to, which is nothing, then he’ll have gotten Sam’s hopes up for nothing. He’s not going to expose Sam to either danger or disappointment, not when Sam’s finally managed to get to some kind of happiness.

If everything goes well...

Dean won’t let himself think about that.

He spends two days smoothing out the kinks in the spell, double and triple checking his translations. He gathers his ingredients, and then spends another hour pacing around the library. His stomach is roiling, and his nerves are jittery. He can’t bear to stop, but he can’t bear to move forward.

The memory of Cas’ smile spurs him into action. Cas went to his death a willing martyr for a man who he believed didn’t love him back. He can’t let that stand. If anything else, Cas has to know.

The drive to Pontiac, Illinois takes him the better part of a day. The impala springs forward across the asphalt, almost like she’s eager to eat up the miles after her forced retirement. Dean pushes hard down on the gas pedal, urging her forward. One way or another, this is going to come to an end tonight.

It takes him a while to find the barn. The last time he was here, he wasn’t in his right mind, still reeling from the horrors of Hell and the confusion of finding himself alive. He’d been scared and angry, lost and so very alone. And then an angel had walked through the door and told him that good things happened, that he deserved to be saved. The last little bit might have been a line fed to Cas by a bunch of dickhead superiors, but the sentiment behind it had stayed long after those superiors were all dead.

They replaced the doors which Cas shattered and painted over the walls which Dean and Bobby covered with sigils, but if Dean looks carefully, he can see the shadows of them behind the new coat of whitewash. He touches them gently for a second, remembering Bobby and all of the years which led him back to this place. Then he pulls out his can of spray paint and proceeds to deface the barn all over again.

When he’s done, he sets up the ingredients on the table. The table is where it was all those years ago, facing the doors to the barn. He doesn’t quite believe that Cas is going to pull the same trick, storming through the doors in a shower of sparks, but he can always hope.

“God...Jack,” Dean corrects himself with a wry twist of his mouth, “I really hope this works. Cas, wherever you are, I really hope you have your ears on.”

Dean looks at his translations and begins to speak. He’s hoping that intention counts for something as his tongue stumbles over the unfamiliar words. His heart beats an uncertain pulse in his chest. This has to work. It has to work.

He puts every ounce of belief into his voice, every bit of the faith Cas once accused him of not having. I have faith, he thinks, putting force behind his voice, sending his words rocketing into the dimensions. I believe in us.

What’s real?

We are.

The last syllables roll over his tongue, followed immediately by a peal of thunder. The barn shivers, a ripple rolling through the air to settle over Dean’s skin. Electricity crackles in the air, filling him with potential.

“Castiel?” he calls to the darkness. “Cas?”

There’s no answer, but the spells and research had been unclear on whether or not there should be an answer. He would prefer knowing that Cas was listening, but in absence of certainty, he’ll have to have faith.

“Cas, I really hope you can hear me,” he says. The words bring back the memories of Purgatory and a time when he and Cas could barely look at each other. He pushes those memories away and concentrates on the truth he can feel in his heart, the same truth which has guided him through the years and all the way from Lebanon, Kansas to the small barn where it all began all those years ago.

“I know you made your choice. I know you were happy. But...it’s not the same without you. I’m not the same without you. I wake up and think about you, and you’re the last thing I think about before I go to sleep at night. Every moment, you’re there because you’re not there. I look at all the places you’re missing and I can’t help but think that everything would be better if you were there.”

Dean swallows. “I miss you,” he confesses to the night. “Cas, I miss you so much. And I want you to come back. Not because I need you or because there’s something to fight against, but just because I miss you and life is better when you’re around.” He thinks of what Sam told him before he went. “There’s a new world out there, and I can’t think of who I would rather explore it with than you, but in order to do that, you’ve got to make a choice, all right?”

His heart is pounding so hard he thinks it might explode out of his chest. “I want to share my life with you. I want to figure out this world together. I want to be able to look at you and hold you and experience everything with you. Cas, I want to tell you what I should have told you every single day for years. I’m sorry that I never told you while you were with me. And I’m sorry that the first time I say it, I’m not going to be looking at you, but it wouldn’t be our lives if something about this wasn’t shitty, right?”

Dean takes a deep breath. “I love you, Cas. Not because of what you can do or how useful you are. I love you because of who you are and how hard you try. And I want to say it to you, every single day, for years to come. I’ve made my choice, Cas. Now you just need to make yours.”

Silence overtakes the barn. The only sound is the faint whistling of the wind through the slats of the barn and the quick rasp of his breathing. There’s no flap of wings, no deep voice growling in his ears, no pop of electricity.

“Please, Cas,” Dean whispers, closing his eyes to try and stop the burning behind them. “Please.”

Thunder rolls through the barn, shaking through the wood down to the dirt floor. Dean’s head jerks upright as he scans the barn. “Cas?” he calls, hardly daring to hope. “Castiel?”

A thin, golden thread rips open in the air before him. It looks almost exactly like the rifts between worlds which Jack used to create, but that’s not possible.

It’s not possible, but Dean dares to hope anyway.

“Castiel? Cas?”

A single hand reaches out through the golden tear, and then Dean is moving, he’s practically tripping over his own feet in his haste to reach the rift. “Cas, Cas, please,” he’s saying, not quite aware of the words which are tumbling from his mouth. “Please.”

Until his fingers grip the hand, he’s not sure that it’s real, but that’s solid flesh and bone underneath his palm. Dean pulls, feeling resistance on the other end. “No,” he grunts, reaching into the rift. His hand touches skin, and his resolve grows. He didn’t come this far only to lose. They haven’t come this far only to fall apart.

“I want you,” he says, as though the force of his words can rip through the veil. “Cas, please, come home, Cas, please--”

With an almighty heave, he pulls once more and then he’s falling backward, another body tumbling against his in an ungainly pile of limbs and bodies. There’s skin and there’s warm, and there’s weight. Out of the corner of his eye, Dean sees the rift close up, as neatly as if it were never there at all.

He doesn’t care about that. He can’t, not now.

Dean looks down at the body sprawled across his lap. There are miles upon miles of naked skin for him to peruse, and he hopes that he’ll be able to do so later at his leisure, but for now, all he can concentrate on are those two luminous eyes blinking up at him.

“Cas?” Dean asks, hardly daring to believe. His hands cup Castiel’s face, fingers sweeping a few locks of dark hair off of his forehead.

Castiel blinks at him, his dark eyelashes fanning over his cheeks. A slow smile creeps across his face, like the dawn spreading across the horizon. “Dean,” he says, his voice the same as it always was, but this time it’s better, because it’s a voice that Dean never thought he’d hear again.

“Cas.” It’s the only word Dean seems capable of saying, but words don’t seem important anymore, not when he can lean forward and press his lips to Cas’, not when he can taste the small sigh of surprise on Cas’ lips. “Cas, I missed you so much, oh god, Cas, there’s so much I want to tell you, there’s so much I want to do--”

Cas interrupts him with another kiss, his arms threading around Dean’s shoulders to pull him closer. Gentle fingers tug at the hair at the nape of his neck, and Dean thinks that he could live in this moment forever.

But before he does that, there’s something else which needs to happen first. Dean pulls away, ignoring the small whine of protest from Cas.

“Cas, there’s something I need to tell you,” he starts, only to be interrupted.

“I know,” Cas says, his face splitting into a wide, gummy smile. No shadow lurks behind his eyes, no hint of tears glisten in his eyes. There’s just happiness, radiant and absolute, gleaming from his face.

“I heard your prayer.”

Maybe once upon a time, Dean would have been satisfied with that answer, but not anymore.

“I love you,” Dean whispers, pressing the words into Cas’ skin with gentle kisses over his temple and cheeks. “I love you, I love you, I love you, and I’m going to tell you every day until you get sick of it.”

“You’ll have to try for a very long time,” Castiel answers, his fingers tracing along Dean’s jaw. “I like hearing those words very much.”

Dean can’t help but kiss him again. As he does so, he feels the lost and scattered pieces of his heart knitting back together until he can finally breathe for the first time in months. “Come on,�� he says, once he surfaces for air. “Let’s go.”

It only hits him then that Cas is naked. Apparently rebirth and snagging people out of alternate dimensions results in a distinct lack of clothing. Dean’s eyes want to travel over the skin revealed to him, but he waits. There will be time, he realizes with a tiny thrill of delight. He and Cas have all the time in the world.

He manages to find a blanket to wrap around Cas’ shoulders. It will do until they get out to the car where he has a spare set of clothes. For now, he helps Cas to his feet. Cas looks around him, his eyes wide and huge, as though he’s overwhelmed with the world around him.

“Where are we headed?” Cas asks as they head towards the door. The Impala waits outside, beckoning them forward once more.

Dean grins as the cool night air washes over them. It’s gentle and soft, eternity held in the breeze. There’s a world held within the palm of tonight, a world held within the rest of their lives.

“Wherever we want,” he answers, stepping out of the shadow of the barn and into the world.

As they walk towards the Impala, a light rain begins to fall.

---

“Before, I wanted to say: "I found love!" But now, I want to say: "I found a person. And he belongs to me and I belong to him.”― C. JoyBell C.

#spn spoilers #supernatural #spn15 #15.19 coda #coda fic #destiel #destiel fic #destiel fanfic #deancas #deancas fic #dean winchester #castiel #15x19 inherit the earth #fare thee well spn #dothwrites #not beta'd we die like men here

917 notes · View notes

slipper007 · 3 years

Note

p ☀️art museums: what’s your favourite museum, or type of museum? 💕💕

☀️art museums: what’s your favourite museum, or type of museum? (doing this)

Word Count: 1,864

Also on AO3 [masterpost]

Two years after the world didn’t end, Team Free Will 3.0 started traveling.

They didn’t always stick together, or even stay in the United States (Sam and Eileen made the trip to Ireland), but they knew they all still had a home in the Bunker.

It was simultaneously freeing and terrifying to be in control of their own fates, something that Sam, Cas, and Jack had all taken in stride. While Eileen struggled at times, Dean was the only one held back by it, as much as he tried not to be. The moment he had first realized that his life was not his own, he’d fought against it out of instinct and righteousness, but now that he had it…

As much as Castiel and his brother both assured him that he was who he was on his own terms, rather than whatever Chuck’s machinations had wanted to him to be, he worried he didn’t know himself. He was just as adrift as he had been in his teens and twenties, desperately trying to emulate his father in order to find a sense of self; as he had been freshly back from hell, violent and afraid of everything he had done and become; as he had been standing in that graveyard with God telling him to kill when he knew revenge wasn’t what his mother would have wanted and wasn’t what he truly wanted.

Castiel had told him in his confession, his brother in several passing speeches over a lifetime, and Dean himself had said it straight to God’s face, but was it true? Who or what was he outside of saving people and hunting things, outside of the narrative Chuck had constructed his entire lifetime?

The vastness of the question was enough to make anyone spiral, so he tried to avoid it.

Charlie helped when she came over. With Sam and Eileen abroad, and Cas all too willing to have deep conversations Dean wasn’t ready for as much as he loved him, she and Dean became closer. She had been staying at the Bunker for a time, not long after Jack and Billie brought her back. She, too, was finding it difficult to adjust to the new world they found themselves in – she had tried for a full year and a half to get her legs under her on her own, but the world had changed in the six years before she had been brought back. Even though she had managed to reinvent herself numerous times before, it was difficult. The Winchesters were more than willing to offer her a place to stay in the meantime.

It worked well for everyone, though it was particularly chaotic now that Sam and Eileen were taking a brief vacation abroad. Dean was constantly with his two best friends (one of whom was his lover), as well as Jack. Charlie and Cas had become close, something that Charlie had deemed “WLW/MLM solidarity” (neither Dean nor Cas knew what that meant). To Jack, Charlie had taken the role of cool aunt, which was both wonderful and terrifying in equal regard, especially given that Jack was, at this point, back to being in a body his own age with his original powers rather than those of a god. The combination of a super-powered six-year-old and a nerdy LARP-enthusiast was certainly an interesting one, especially given how their energies fed and built on each other’s.

It was this merry band that found themselves inside an art museum one hot August afternoon.

Charlie and Dean wandered the lower gallery for a short while as Castiel took Jack through a more kid-focused section, and for a time they wandered in silence.

“So how are you today?”

“You live with me,” Dean responded, only to be faced with a shrug. “How are you?”

“Today’s been good,” Charlie said with transparency. “I woke up again. Started sewing more of my Triss costume – from The Witcher video games, not the show, you know? Now I get to hang out with friends and see some pretty cool art. Maybe I’ll apply for another job today, or bake some bread, or we can finish getting me all caught up on Game of Thrones.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“Dude, spoilers!” She looked straight to him, and Dean shook his head. “Anyway, you’re dodging the question by asking about my awesome life. Not cool, so spill.”

Dean sighed as he walked by another painting of fruit. “I don’t know, Charlie. Could be better, could be worse.”

“Figured out who Dean Winchester is yet?”

“Do any of us truly know who we are?” Dean quipped back.

“Really?”

“Lil’ existentialism never killed anyone,” Dean said with a shrug. “But no, not yet. It’s all still just a big…mess…of what’s him and what’s me.”

“Well, here’s a start for you: Dean Winchester is my friend, and always will be, regardless of whatever some crack writer says.”

“Pretty sappy, but I’ll take it.”

“Shut up.”

Dean Winchester is a friend.

When Cas and Jack rejoined the pair a little later, they all wandered up to the 12th to 19th century European gallery. Jack and Charlie broke away when they came across the tapestries. Castiel, however, was drawn to a painting a little further in. The gallery was still and quiet as Dean joined him.

“St. Sebastian, huh?” Dean said, reading the label. “Know him?”

“My memory of 200 BCE is muddled at best,” Castiel said. “I don’t think so. The painting is beautiful, though, if tragic.”

Dean looked at it again, trying to see what Castiel saw. A beautiful mouth was twisted in pain as arrows lodged in the body, unstoppable. The arms were contorted and restrained, rendering punishment inescapable. The eyes were wide and dark, looking upwards as if begging for divine intervention that would never come.

In it, he saw himself. He saw his struggles with faith in a higher power, with the needless suffering he and his little family had been put through. He saw his loss, his fear, the control he lost when he realized he would never be free from Chuck. What he didn’t see was the anger.

Beyond that, however, he saw Castiel. He saw Cas’ expression when the Mark had worn Dean down, when he had thrown Cas to the floor along side the corpses of the Stynes. It was the same loss, the same fear. The expression was akin to brokenness yet not shattered. He was still faithful, still true. It was the same look on his face when he had confessed in the dungeon. Beautiful but tragic.

What had Dean ever done to deserve that resoluteness, that level of trust in spite of the fear.

“I’m sorry,” he started, words catching in his throat. How did he even begin to make up for all he had done? Yet, it was as if Cas had read his mind. Hell, he was an angel. Maybe he just knew.

Castiel turned to him, a familiar softness in eyes not tainted by pain or prayer for intervention. Dean could lose himself in the deep blue seas.

“You’re forgiven. You’ve been forgiven.”

They stood side by side, listening to Jack’s squeals of joy only a room over, for several minutes before Castiel spoke again.

“You’re unsure of who you are,” Castiel said. It was a fact they both knew, even as Dean started to protest the topic. “I’ve already told you what I think, but let me remind you. You’re the single most loving person I have ever known. You love in spite of Chuck. You care about this broken world, even when it seems hopeless. You always have.” He paused for a long moment before saying, “In plainest terms, you’re a lover, not a fighter.”

“I don’t know about that one. Can’t I be both?”

Castiel let out a long-suffering sigh at that before wandering away to look at the other paintings.

Dean stayed by the painting of St. Sebastian for another few minutes, trying to see what Castiel saw in it before hearing Jack call for him a little way away, his high, childish voice carrying through the halls.

Dean Winchester is a lover.

Downstairs, there was a special exhibition on the history of dance. Jack practically dragged Dean in, his eyes wide and excitement palpable. Charlie and Castiel laughed and promised to catch up in a few minutes – Charlie wanted to grab a print of an art piece from the museum store. Dean and Jack wandered from exhibit to exhibit, looking at everything from classic vinyl to tap shoes. Despite the artifacts and objects, news clippings and sound bites, Jack was fascinated by a video of people swing dancing projected on the wall.

“What’s up, kid?”

“I wish I could do that.”

“You can,” Dean said. “You just have to do what they’re doing.”

Jack looked up to him, eyes wide and a broad grin starting to cross his face.

“Will you show me?”

It took a little bit of practice, and they missed more of the moves than they got, even with Jack standing on Dean’s shoes, but they both enjoyed what they were doing, which made it worth it. Jack’s smile as he danced up to Charlie and Castiel a few minutes later made it all the more precious.

“Come dance with us!” he called out before rushing back over to where Dean still stood.

“Having fun?” Cas asked as

“Cas!” Jack called. “Come on, come on, come on!”

Castiel smiled and shook his head before turning to Charlie and taking her hands. They instantly fell into sync with the video, matching the moves in perfect synchronicity. Dean felt himself stop in shock as Castiel flipped Charlie over his shoulder as if it was no great feat.

“Woah, when did you learn to dance like that?”

“I do have some memories of watching humanity. I was even on Earth when this dance was invented.”

“And I took dance lessons a few years ago,” Charlie offered by way of explanation.

“I guess we’ll just have to up our game, huh Jack?”

Jack giggled, his gap-toothed smile looking all the more excited. They busted out a few new moves, even improvising for a while.

“Dude, you dance like a dad!” Charlie laughed, twirling Castiel as she did so.

Dancing there in the museum, Jack on his feet as Castiel and Charlie watched on, Dean came to a final realization of the day.

Dean Winchester is a father.

As the day drew to a close, the group started to head out. Jack clung to Dean’s back, wiped out after a long day of dancing and wandering the museum. He watched the birds fly overhead in the golden light as they wandered to the car. Cas took the backseat with Jack, who promptly fell asleep.

“This was fun,” Charlie said, setting the bag with her art print on the seat between her and Dean. “It’d been a while since I’d gone out like this.”

It had been fun. It was nice to enjoy the world rather than save it.

Even if he was still working on figuring out who he was, Dean finally felt content.

#fluff #domestic fluff #supernatural #spn fic #dean winchester #castiel #charlie bradbury #jack kline #kid!jack #spncreatorsdaily #creativecavier #userdee #userstarry #userpris #rambleoncas #tuserari #usershey #slipper007writes

80 notes · View notes

destieltropecollection · 3 years

Photo

Destiel Trope Collection 2021 | Day 28: Slow Burn

Celestial | @deservetobesaved

Rating: Mature Word Count: 10,585 Main Tags/Warnings: slow burn, emotional affair, happy ending Summary: Dean is in a less than stellar marriage, but he assumes things will work themselves out. At the same time, Mr. Castiel Novak becomes his new co-worker at school and Dean has to rethink everything he thought he had figured out.

Profound Kisses | @verobatto-angelxhunter

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 20,729 Main Tags/Warnings: destiel, smut, destiel kisses, clueless!Castiel, canonverse, post Purgatory season 8, angst with a happy ending, slow burn, mutual pining. Summary: Dean knows he's screwed. He discovers he is in love with Castiel in Purgatory, and now he can't even have the angel in front of him, because he knows it's a one sided love. It’s Valentine's day and Dean tries very hard to hook up as always, but he can't get Cas out of his mind. So he drives back to the motel, drunk, and he finds Castiel trying to help him. Then, when Dean asks Castiel for some experimental kisses and the angel accepts, Dean starts a very dangerous game… finding in Castiel's kisses the most delicious experiences, but also, his own perdition. Will Castiel fall in love with him? Or will he stay emotionless as always?

How to Raise a Mandrake | @SoraJonsei

Rating: Mature Word Count: 24,814 Main Tags/Warnings: Eventual Castiel/Dean Winchester, Magical Castiel, Non-Human Dean Winchester, Fluff, Humor, Romantic, Fluff, Alternate Universe, Prankster Gabriel, Universe - Fantasy, Slow Build, Happy Ending Summary: What else was Castiel to do when he woke up one morning to a very naked man in his backyard?

Crimes Of Passion | @celipuff

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 32,396 Main Tags/Warnings: Cop!Dean, Artist!Castiel, Angst With A Happy Ending, Drug Addict Castiel, Top!Castiel/Bottom!Dean, Slow Build Summary: Cas is a street artist from the wrong side of the tracks. He sees his world pretty clearly through his art... that is until officer Dean Winchester comes along and turns his drug induced world upside down.

The Hanged Man | @ellis-park

Rating: Mature Word Count: 87,602 Main Tags/Warnings: Slow burn, mystery, friends to lovers, graphic depictions of violence, child abuse Summary: After Park Ranger Cas Novak saves a mysterious stranger named Dean from an attempted murder in the woods, he finds himself drawn into the man's secretive life. Someone tried to kill Dean, but he's not telling who. In fact, he's barely speaking at all. If he's going to have any hope of helping Dean, Cas will have to convince the man to trust him — all while trying not to fall in love with him along the way.

Felix Mori | @deans-jiggly-pudding

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 90,967 Main Tags/Warnings: Horny hospice, tech support!Cas, stripper!Dean, voice kink, power bottom Dean Winchester, slow burn Summary: Dean is living the dream: he gets to help people and shake his ass, and he gets paid for it. Gabriel Milton’s horny hospice is a fun place to work, but sees its fair share of technical difficulties. When the front desk computer malfunctions, the burden to call tech support falls on Dean. The man on the other end has a voice that does things to him, and if he’s lucky, IT man Cas just might feel the same way. The only thing that’s missing is his estranged brother. Dean wouldn’t have had to lie to him if it wasn’t for their deadbeat father, more obsessed with a life of crime than raising his own children. Even worse than the thought of never hearing from Sam again is the possibility of growing into someone who even vaguely resembles John Winchester, and that is a chance Dean simply cannot take. Come to think of it, maybe Dean’s dream life could use some healing after all.

The Moonlight Rule | @thefandomsinhalor

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 129,362 Main Tags/Warnings: Modern Setting AU, Marriage of Convenience, Ranch, Slow Build, Home Invasion, Friends to Lovers, Trauma, Angst and Fluff Summary: After the sudden passing of Henry Winchester, Castiel learns that the late Mr. Winchester made last minute changes in his will: Dean will only inherit the family ranch he’s been running, if he marries Castiel and stays married for at least six months.

The Angel | @thisisapaige

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 155,684 Main Tags/Warnings: Angst with a Happy Ending, Temporary Character Death, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Fantasy AU, Hurt/Comfort, Bottom Dean, Suicidal Ideation, Blood and Violence, Knight Dean, Fallen Angel Castiel, Scholar Sam Summary: They called him the Angel. Castiel never wanted to be a hero. He never asked to be a legend. He never considered himself a saviour. However, in his efforts to make up for his past after leaving Heaven, he became all three. They called them heroes. Growing up in the idyllic village of Lawrence, Dean dreamed of becoming a knight. In his nineteenth year, Dean journeyed to the Capital to earn his fortune. Sam, with his prized book of herbal knowledge clutched against his chest, traveled alongside Dean to become a man of his own. The Winchesters' drive and ambition lead them to the castle and into history as prominent figures in the Long War. Reality proved to be far more difficult than dreams.

Hot, blue and righteous | @Mistofstars

Rating: Mature Word Count: 168,016 Main Tags/Warnings: Romance, FluffHurt/Comfort, Drama, Domestic Violence, Sadness, HAPPY ENDING PROMISED, terrible attempts of humor, Domesticity, mentions of Castiel / Aaron (original side character), mentions of Lisa Braeden / Dean Winchester, Castiel is a judge, Dean is a cop, Alternate Universe, nothing supernatural here, Slow Burn, Slow Build, Previous death of side characters, feel good story, Sappy Summary: On the night of Sam’s graduation ball, Dean meets a guy called Castiel, and their insane chemistry instantly sets the air on fire, ending in a one-night-stand. However, it remains a one-off, and life continues. Three years pass, in which Dean meets Lisa and Castiel meets Aaron. After Lisa’s sudden death, Dean takes some time off from his work as a police officer and travels across the states to deal with his grief of losing Lisa. After Dean returns to his normal life again, he visits Bobby, staying with him for a few weeks. One night, Bobby gets an emergency call, and a beaten-up Castiel seeks shelter in Bobby’s house, far away from his abusive boyfriend Aaron. Both Castiel and Dean are certain they can never fall in love again after what had happened to them – but as soon as you start making plans, life happens.

So It Goes | @raiseyourpinky

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 236,469 Main Tags/Warnings: Friends to lovers, roommates, domestic fluff, Dean and Castiel are parents, mutual pining, depression, anxiety, top!Castiel/bottom!Dean Summary: Dean Winchester has finally bought his white picket fence dream house for his girlfriend Lisa and their son Ben. On top of living in the perfect neighborhood, they now have the best neighbors, the Novaks. Castiel and Amelia Novak are awaiting their first baby, Claire. They’re in love and are not afraid to show it. When their new neighbors move in next door, they become practically family. It feels as though nothing could ruin the ultimate domestic bliss Dean and Castiel have achieved. Until it all goes to hell. Then the two of them will be the only ones left to pick up all of the broken pieces and keep each other moving forward. Dean and Castiel soon realize that the only thing stronger than tragedy and pain is the love that they have for each other.

#destiel trope collection 2021 #day 28 #slow burn #destiel #supernatural #fanfic

104 notes · View notes

themarvel-spnmultifanwriter · 3 years

Text

Something about this angel ~ Part 1

Pairing: Castiel x Reader

Warnings: mention of blood, argument, kind of hurt/comfort, fluff

Word Count: 1,714

I arrived at the motel soaked in blood. Sam and Dean weren't there yet. They went on a hunting trip by themselve and I helped out Bobby with a vampire nest in South Carolina. It was afternoon and I opened the door of the motel I would stay in. On the door I could hear the TV running inside. I wondered if Sam and Dean had returned yet, but I couldn't find the impala any near the motel.

I opened the motel door and saw the angel Castiel sitting on the couch watching TV. He looked at me for a second before putting his full attention back to the TV.

I never had much for angels. First I didn't believe in them, then when I knew they existed and what they could do I didn't like them. In fact, I hated them. My mom was killed by one when I was 8. I thought it was a demon, but then I found out that it was an angel who burned out her eyes and let her die. She was a good friend of Bobby's. He took care of me since I've lost her. From him I learned everything about hunting and I met the Winchester boys who, from the first moment on, were like the brothers I never had. We went on many hunts and they see me as part of their family, as the sisters they never had or "the sister I never wanted" how Dean would say it.

"Hey," I said to Castiel and put my hunting bag on a chair. Castiel didn't reply. Yeah nice to see you too, I thought to myself. Castiel and I didn't talk a lot. For him I was just the friend of Dean's in the fight between Lucifer and Michael. Then, when he rebelled, we didn't get to know each other. Sam and Dean told me to give him a chance, but it's either me who doesn't want to talk or him. I could never forget what he was. He was an angel. His kind killed my mom, tried to put Michael into Dean to fight Satan and simply didn't care about us humans in general. And even though Castiel rebelled, I couldn't forget who he used to be. He wasn't different than the other angels when we met. A soldier. And I hated him so much.

My hate faded away from time to time but I could never get closer to Castiel. And I think I seem to confuse him. Castiel doesn't know a lot about humanity and people skills. My behaviour seemed to irritate him somehow, because I always caught him staring at me with the confused look of his on his face.

I grabbed a bear from the fridge and sat down on an other chair next to ny hunting bag and drank a deep sip of the cold bear. It was exactly what I needed after that long and exhausting hunt. I grabbed some rest food and ate it along to the bear. I hadn't eaten all day and the food gave me a feeling of joy, something I had in common with Dean.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Castiel staring at me. He stared at me quite a lot.

"What?" I asked annoyed. What was the angel's problem now?

"Nothing" Castiel said and turned to the TV again.

"Castiel what is your problem?" I said harsh. I had a long, exhausting day and the angel was getting on my nerves.

"I don't understand? I don't have a problem. Well heaven doesn't like me, but I assume this is not what you want to talk about," Castiel said with his deep voice.

"With me... What's your problem with me?"

"Why would you think I have a problem with you?" Castiel asked and I rolled my eyes. I turned back to my food when the angel spoke again. "But from what I've learned about human's you must have a problem with me"

"You're an angel" I simply said as if it was explanation enough.

"Y/n I helped you and the Winchesters. I rebelled against my own kind. You should know I am not like the other angels"

"Yet I'd fry your wings if I could. You were like them before and I don't trust you. You could turn back to them again at any point," I said. Castiel looked back to the TV, clearly mad now, but I didn't think about apologising. I meant it. I don't trust Castiel. That's why I get uncomfortable around him even though something about him was nice... But what was it? Perhaps his confusing about humans that could sometimes form a smile on my face, because it was in some way funny.

When I finished my food I looked down at my clothes who were still soaked in blood. I went to the bathroom to change and to look at my injuries. And it looked bad. From my head was running blood down along my left cheek, my upper arm was cut open and on my belly was the shirt ripped. I looked like I was dead injured, but it was nothing new. I looked like this most of the time and got used to the pain. In the mirror I could see Castiel looking at me. I couldn't figure out if it was him giving me a mad death stare or something else. However, it irritated me so I closed the bathroom door.

I took some bandage out my first aid bag and pulled my shirt off. I pulled the bandage first around my belly where the shirt ripped and then paid attention to my upper arm. I tried to clean the wound with clear water, but the pain when touching the bare flesh from where the one vampire cut me was almost impossible to handle. I moaned in pain as I tried to somehow get the dirt out of the wound. I heard a sound behind me, wings sounds, and turned around to find Castiel standing only a few inches away from me.

"Can't you knock??!" I asked and stepped away from Castiel, covering my upper body with my hands as I stood with only my bra on in the bathroom.

"My apologie" he said.

"Why do you put your arms like this? It doesn't bother me to see you without your shirt on" Castiel pointed at my arms who tried to cover my beasts.

"It does bother me!" I said and put my shirt on again. "and now go out!"

Castiel stepped closer to me and pointed at my head wound.

"I can help you with that one. I heard you are in pain. I can heal you"

"I don't need your help" I pushed Castiel away.

"Y/n please let me help you"

"Why? It's not like you care for me!"

"I do care for you!"

"Oh yeah? Didn't feel like that so far" I said and turned around.

In the mirror I could catched Castiel's eyes again which were begging me to give him permission to heal me. I signed. I turned around and whispered an annoyed "fine".

Castiel stepped closer to me and put his right hand on my left cheek, where the blood from my head wound was dry now. He looked me in the eyes and pulled me a bit closer. His left hand touched my belly. Was that really necessary? I saw Castiel healing Dean before. A simply touch with two of his fingers would be enough. But both his hands were completely on my body. I didn't seem to mind though when I looked in these intense blue eyes of his and I wondered if they always used to be this blue and shining. They looked so beautiful and I got lost staring at them. It was like looking into an ocean.

Castiel's power touched me and his hands started to glow. They felt warm and made the pain fade away. After a few seconds the glowing fade away and he put his hands off me even though I wished for them to hold me a bit longer. Castiel stepped a few inches away and I saw a little smile on his face, looking kinda proud that he helped me.

"isn't that better?" he asked. I looked at him in silence, still hypnotised by these eyes.

"T-thanks" I said and took a deep breath. Something about this smile was made my heart beat faster and the air in the room unreachable for my lungs. I stood in front of Castiel unable to breath or to talk. I couldn't stop admiring those eyes and this smile. I think it was the first time I saw him smile and I hoped I would see it very soon again.

"you're welcome" Castiel said and went to the door of the bathroom. "I will give you some privacy to change now" he was almost out of the room.

"Castiel wait" I said and reached for the angel's hand out of reflex. "I am sorry... For what I've said before"

"I don't blame you y/n. I understand your anger towards my kind for what they've done to your mother"

"But it wasn't your fault. And I know you're different now. You rebelled against your brothers, your family. I shouldn't have been so harsh on you. I was overreacting"

"I forgive you for your outburst of human emotions. But maybe we could try and be nicer to each other from now on... And build trust" Castiel gave me an other smile, a warm and sweet one. I nod my head.

"Yeah I think we can try that" I realised I still held Castiel's hand. I let go of it and he chuckled slightly.

He went out of the bathroom and I changed clothes. Later that day, when we ate dinner, Castiel sat on the couch because he didn't need food. He was staring at me again but this time I didn't mind. My eyes were catching his several times as I couldn't stop them from looking at him. I didn't know what happened, but this afternoon something about that angel made me change the way I look at him. And I seemed to like it...

Here's the second part ⬇️

Something about this angel Part 2

#supernatural #castiel #castiel x reader #supernatural imagine #supernatural one shot #castiel imagine #castiel one shot

85 notes · View notes

autisticandroids · 2 years

Note

What would you consider tfw's worst flaws?

i feel like that's a weird question. like. flaws that have caused the most damage? that's going to be the boring answer of "buying into hunting ideology." except possibly cas, since he seems to cause a lot more damage by trusting the wrong people, and him buying into hunting ideology is part of that. but that's like. no fun, you know? the biggest sins of tfw are extremely banal and intrinsic to the premise. like. in 6x10, cas murders an entire prison full of monsters. just like wholesale kills them, because dean tells him to. and it happens offscreen, as a throwaway line to wrap up an episode. it's extremely banal.

in terms of flaws that are fun for me to pull on...

for dean i think the one i enjoy most is like. his deep fundamental shame that leads him to be unable to examine himself. like, dean is totally incapable of self-awareness because he is so terrified that if he examined himself, what he would see would be disgusting, vile, evil, inadequate. this is why he's so repressed re: liking men, but this is also why he can't reflect on the conflict between himself and his family members: he's afraid that if he looks, he'll realize that he was wrong and that the way he treated them was evil. it's general purpose. basically everything about him that goes against his identity is something that has to be ignored, whether that's signs of weakness, signs of femininity, signs of selfishness, signs of emotionality, signs of queerness, or signs of cruelty and abusiveness. he thinks of all those things as equally, world-endingly bad, and so must be hidden from his own sight. he can't look at himself, because any one of those things being true about him would mean that the world was ending.

for cas i think like. cas' deep fundamental selfishness and hedonism, which is also wrapped up in a desire for other people to like him and think well of him. like. cas is, no questions asked, a rat pressing the pleasure button until he dies. he tells himself he wants to do the right thing, but in the end what that amounts to is making sure no one yells at him. he is, in later seasons, dominated by guilt, which leads to him desperately trying to redeem himself in the eyes of/begging for forgiveness from people (he feels) he's wronged, rather than any meaningful attempt to change (though to be fair, he does in fact sometimes make meaningful attempts to change, most notably in season seven when he swears off violence because he cannot be trusted to use it well, but he is punished for that, so he learns not to do it. still counts as a flaw, thought, imo). and in the end he will always choose winning the affection of an authority figure over the happiness and safety of his equals. i guess i would say that this is also wrapped up with his gullibility, since he seems to frequently trust authority figures and people who paint themselves as such just by virtue of their authority or their patina of it.

sam... i write with sam less so i have less of a good idea with him, and also this is specifically later seasons sam, who i have a much better grasp on, but imo his two big... flaws, i don't know, more like maladjustments to his situation as it stands in the later seasons are, one, he thinks about relationships in a different way than dean and cas do, which means that they're on kind of similar wavelengths about the nature of their dynamic and he isn't. like, sam's way is definitely healthier, but it also leaves him blind to certain things about participating in an unhealthy dynamic. and two, i think sam has a tendency to shut down and give up, which is a pretty solid survival strategy in a narrative where he can never win, but it leads to his being complicit in a lot of bad shit.

#spn #asks #anonymous

14 notes · View notes

apocalypseornaw · 3 years

Text

Love Finds You

For the square "Arranged Marriage" on @girl-next-door-writes bingo

Mafia (ish) AU. Warnings are cursing, angst, John trying to kill the reader, Dean killing John

Word Count: 5,343

You walked through the quiet halls hearing the echo of your boots reverberate to your own ears. Something big was happening for this place to be this quiet. It was like a tomb where normally there was a solid bustle of movement. You stopped just shy of the entrance to your uncle’s study. You felt an uneasiness but pushed it down before knocking on the heavy door. “Come in” you heard his voice carry out and knew he wasn’t alone.

You straightened your jacket before pushing the door open and wasn’t at all surprised to see none other than John Winchester sitting in front of your uncle Joseph’s desk. Your eyes narrowed at the presence of the other man and you unconsciously reached to touch the gun riding at your hip and saw Joseph give the barest shake of his head “Y/N I believe you know our guest” John held his hand out but you didn’t care about the pretense of politeness you’d earned your reputation and with it had come the right to act as you saw fit so you simply folded your arms “The man whose wife was killed when his kids were young so he’s done everything in his power to stay as far away from those kids and be the poorest excuse for a father even this line of work has ever seen?”

Joseph looked taken aback but John on the other hand had the nerve to laugh “Yeah I heard she was something and she does not disappoint” you turned your eyes to your uncle “What’s all this cloak and dagger bullshit? Why is the head of the only other family in the world that comes close to your empire sitting in your office?” “As you just said dear. The Winchesters are the only other family that comes close to ours. What better way to solidify our footing than a union between the two?” you laughed harshly, the sound sharp enough to slice through the air “I know you didn’t call me here with the nerve to propose that I have anything to do with him?” “Actually my oldest son Dean has agreed to do whatever necessary to help the family succeed” John cut in so you spun around on him “So you abandon your kids bad enough to get a reputation for it, then come here to basically plot with Joseph to sell your son off like a prize stud while I’m what? The old mare you’re breeding him to? Make a whole new crop?”

“Y/N that is enough young lady!” Joseph spoke harshly, his voice filling the area as he stood to his full height. You didn’t back down catching the look of amusement John had as you stood your ground “If you expect to marry me off to solidify an empire then I am here to tell you I expect everything to be signed over to me the moment I say I do. If I’m to agree to an arranged marriage then I’m going to fucking profit from it” Joseph nodded “I’ve been wanting to retire as is” you turned your attention from him to John “I want to meet your son before the week’s end. My future husband and I need to have a long talk. My dear uncle has my number” He nodded “Yes ma’am” you spun around on your heel and marched out the office being sure to slam the door shut behind you.

You held up the pretense until you made it down to your car and only once you were pulling away from the curb did you break tears flowing freely. You knew your life would never truly be your own but now you didn’t even get a chance to try to fall in love, you were being forced to marry someone you’d never meant just to hold onto what your father had built and what you’d bled to keep intact.

It was three days later before your phone rang with a number you didn’t recognize. When you answered it you groaned inwardly at hearing John’s voice “Y/N? Dean wants to know if you’d like to meet today” “Name a time and place” you responded coldly. He reiterated the location and time so you agreed before hanging up. You stared at the phone then clicked the number you had saved on the speed dial. A woman didn’t get as far as you had without having people she could trust. The Banes twins were your right hand man and woman. You’d take them with you to the meeting along with Abaddon who was a bit of a loose cannon but she was loyal to you.

------

A few hours later you were riding in the passenger seat of Abaddon’s range rover with Alicia and Max sitting in the backseat going over a weapon’s check. “So let me get this right, you marry Winchester and your uncle’s part of the business is yours?” Max asked and you nodded. “Do we all get promotions?” Abaddon asked, her red hair gleaming in the sunlight and a barely restrained laugh pulling at her bright red lips. “Oh you all will be my team that stays in the main house with me” you replied with a sharp laugh.

When she pulled the car to a stop at the iron gate you glanced up to look into the security cameras while she spoke to the monitor that she was your security detail. A few seconds later the gate swung open so she pulled in.

The property was nice, sprawling out in front of you. The garage was open and the inside looked like a classic car collection. Just from a glance you spotted a 65 Shelby, a 70 Coronet and a drop down gorgeous 67 impala. “Please tell me those belong to Dean” you muttered without meaning to earning a laugh from the interior of your vehicle.

She drove around to the front entrance and parked where a guy motioned for her to. You clocked the gun at his side before ever getting out. It was fair enough, you were carrying same as Abaddon and Alicia while Max had more blades on him than you would’ve thought possible before meeting him. “You must be Y/N” the guy greeted you the moment your feet stepped outside the range rover.

You extended your hand with a business smile “That I am. Normally I like to know who I’m talking to?” an easy smile slipped onto his face and you got the sense he was getting a feel for you even before he said “Name’s Benjamin Lafitte ma’am. Feel free to call me Benny, Dean does” You nodded and motioned to everyone in your party in turn “This is Abaddon, Alicia and Max” they all greeted each other then Benny motioned to the door “He’s waiting in the back garden. From what we’ve heard about you formal meetings isn’t really your thing” Abaddon cut her eyes at you so you rolled your eyes before saying “I appreciate a good impression being attempted”

You followed Benny through the main house admiring some of the artwork adorning the walls. It was a nice place. When he stepped to the side to open the doors leading into the back garden a redheaded woman was standing on the other side. With a nod to her Benny made the introductions. Her name was Charlie and it earned Dean a point in your book to learn he had a few women on his team. She joined your little group as Benny led the way past two fountains, a large swimming pool and what looked to be a firing range.

Three men were standing looking out over the property at the edge of the garden. Two were clearly John’s sons while the other looked to maybe be an uncle to them. Benny whistled out and the three turned to face all of you.

While both of the younger men were good looking your eyes were glued to the shorter of the two. He had bright green eyes that were watching you curiously and just the way he held himself was an underlying sense of control to him at all times. He was gorgeous and the smirk that slipped onto his face from your attention told you that he was well aware of that fact “You must be Y/N. I’m Dean” “Nice to meet you considering we’ll be married in a couple months” you replied with a sharp laugh. The smirk on Dean’s face spread into a grin “I’ve heard a few things about you” “Good or bad?” you asked and he shrugged “Depends on the point of view”

He introduced you to the two men standing with him. One was his younger brother Sam, the other was Bobby Singer the man who’d practically taken over raising him and Sam. Once everyone knew each other’s names Dean nodded to Benny “Call inside for some drinks for our guests while me and Y/N speak in private” his eyes had never left yours but you refused to break eye contact first.

He motioned towards a trail you saw cut through the wooded area around the property “Care to take a walk?” you cut your eyes back towards Alicia, Max and Abaddon. “Yeah those three aren’t letting me out of their sight that easily” he nodded then said “Pick someone to walk with us but you’re not in any danger here. That’s why we had no problem letting you keep your weapons” you raised an eyebrow then motioned to Max “Care to take a walk with us?” he nodded and fell in step a few feet behind you and Dean giving the privacy the two of you needed but not being too far that he couldn’t be to your side quickly if needed.

The two of you walked in silence for a few moments before you broke it by asking “Dean do you even want to marry me? I mean you clearly would have plenty of options” he scoffed and cut his eyes at you “Like you’d have trouble warming your bed up there sweetheart?” you didn’t blush easily and times like this you were glad. He continued by saying “This life is all I’ve known. Between our families no one would dare step out of line and we both have morals we stand by. Innocent people don’t get hurt by us. If marrying a beautiful woman with one hell of a reputation is the cross I must bear then I believe I have fared pretty well” You laughed in earnest at that “Dean Winchester are you trying to sweet talk me?” he grinned and christ it made your stomach flip “Maybe, is it working?” you shook your head with a grin.

He stopped walking and turned to face you with all humor gone from his eyes “I just want to say even after we’re married I won’t lay a finger on you unless you want me to. I know this isn’t ideal but I’d like to think of myself as a good man and I’d like to think I could be a good husband even in this circumstance” You tilted your head slightly as you studied him. After a moment of your silence he scratched at the scruff covering his jaw “Are you gonna say anything in return or just stare at me?” you smiled and replied “Just thinking that you really are not what I expected but in the best of ways” he nodded then glanced back where Max was twirling a knife between his fingers “Think our people are playing nice?” you nodded then said “They’ve got to get used to each other”

John and Joseph alike both had plans for announcing the engagement. Meaning that between them both they had practically planned a damn ball just for a bunch of suits to get together in one room so they could flaunt that their families would be becoming one to the rest of the world. You hated the idea of being trotted around like a show horse.

“Alicia is this damned thing straight?” you asked, turning in front of the mirror. The dress had been designed for you. The color and cut was flattering, it had a slit giving you access to the knife at your thigh not that you’d need it considering Abaddon and Max would both be wearing designer suits decked out with their weapons on display and Alicia like you had a few blades hidden under her dress as well. “Will you stop fidgeting? You look beautiful” she smiled, smoothing the dress under her hands. You spared a smile in the mirror “So you do! I love that red dress” she winked “Thank you”

A knock on the door drew both of your attention so you called out “Yes?” and heard Max ask if the two of you were ready to go downstairs. You took Alicia’s arm then opened the door. Max let out a low whistle “Well you two look amazing” “Thanks Max” you smiled and ran your fingers across the lapel of his suit “You clean up pretty well too” He grinned “Abaddon is already downstairs. Y/N your in-laws were arriving so she sent me up to retrieve you” you rolled your eyes but let him lead the way downstairs.

------

You stopped at the bottom of the stairs and spotted Dean speaking to Joseph but he trailed off mid sentence when he saw you and that smile slid onto his face. Joseph said something to him so he nodded then made his way through the crowd.

When he got in front of you and Alicia he stopped. She kissed your cheek then grabbed her brother’s arm “Come on Max let’s mingle. Y/N we’ll be close enough” you watched her go then turned to Dean with a smile “So how do I look?” he let his eyes trail over your body and you felt heat rush to your face before he finally said “You look like everyone here is going to be cussing me under their breath when they find out we’re engaged” you laughed and shook your head “There’s that sweet talking streak again” he held his hand out and when you took it he asked “Is it working yet?” you rolled your eyes playfully “No but I’ll be sure to let you know when it does”

------

For the next few hours you were close to Dean’s side. You danced with him and Sam, even Bobby asked you for a dance. Abaddon was chatting with Charlie and you spotted Max and Alicia talking with Benny and another of Dean’s people. He was a pretty decent guy, easy on the eyes and easy to be around. You could’ve gotten stuck with a lot worse.

When it got close to midnight you watched as John and Joseph walked onto the stage together. Joseph took the mic first “As most of you are aware John and myself are here to announce something” he handed the mic to John who pointed where you and Dean stood so a spotlight followed “My Oldest son Dean is engaged to marry Joseph’s niece Y/N. We couldn’t be happier and wish the kids the best in the world” Dean wrapped his arm around your waist as would be expected and whispered in your ear “Like they didn’t push us into this” you laughed lightly but to anyone else it would appear just lovers whispering sweet nothings.

For the next while you clung to Dean’s arm as group after group stopped to congratulate the two of you. You found an opening and pulled him after you towards the back exit of the hall. He waved off Benny and Abaddon following you step for step.

When you finally crashed into the cool night air a nervous laugh fell from your lips “Y/N are you ok?” you nodded then said “I guess it’s just I never saw myself getting married even in this life knowing this was a possibility and honestly I don’t know what it is about you but I’m not as mad as I was” “I hope maybe one day we can love each other Y/N. Even if our life starts like this it doesn’t have to stay like this. Our marriage may have been their idea but I plan to wine and dine you even after you say I do” he replied and you raised an eyebrow “Is it a challenge or making the best of the situation?” you asked so he shrugged “Maybe I just like you”

The two of you sat down on a bench just outside watching the night sky. A shooting star went over head so you bumped Dean’s arm “Make a wish Winchester” he turned to face you and the close proximity made your heart flip again as he said “I could think of a wish or two” you smiled and leaned forward to let your lips gently brush against his. He returned the kiss fully and when you pulled away to catch your breath you whispered “Me too” before he pulled you into another kiss.

Weeks passed after the ball announcing your engagement and during that time a day didn’t go by that you and Dean didn’t speak or spend time together. The more you learned of him the more you started to realize that while you hadn’t picked him it was as if you had he was nearly a perfect match for you. The only thing was he wanted desperately to have his father’s approval but he was twice the man John was. You just wished he’d see it.

You’d also started to spend some time getting to know Sam since he would be your brother-in-law and learned he actually had been enrolled in college to be a lawyer but when his girlfriend had been killed he ended up rejoining the family. He was now seeing a woman named Eileen but didn’t want it to be public knowledge simply because he didn’t want John around her. Knowing John you didn’t blame him and offered any assistance you could in helping him spend time with her.

------

Time rolled around for your final dress fitting so you, Abaddon, Alicia and Charlie were in the private suite of the bridal shop. The dress had been made for you so it fit perfectly. You stepped up to show them and they all clapped. “You look gorgeous and that’s with just a ponytail in your hair” Charlie offered with a grin. You smiled and twirled “Think Dean will like it?” Abaddon who had wandered off to the lingerie section held up a piece and winked “I think he’d prefer you in this” . You covered your face with both hands and Alicia cracked up laughing “Twenty years! I have known you for twenty years and I have never seen you blush!”

“Have you slept with him?” Charlie asked bluntly and you nearly choked on the wine you were drinking. “I haven’t done more than kissed him” “Oh my god!” Abaddon groaned, flopping dramatically into the nearest chair “Why?” you shrugged “We’ve been getting to know each other!” Alicia raised an eyebrow “You have real feelings for him” when you didn’t respond she gasped “You’ve actually fallen in love with him haven’t you!” your eyes flew to Charlie who sipped her wine quietly. “Charlie” Abaddon spoke more as a question than as her name.

Charlie looked up from her glass “Ok so maybe he’s fallen for you too?” the three of them piled into one chair then looked back at you expectedly “So are you going to admit it?” Alicia finally asked and you shook your head “Not to either of you three”

Two weeks before you and Dean were to be married you were at your condo in the city finishing packing up. The plan was for you and him to move into a property that was between Joseph’s and the Winchesters. It was large enough that you could both have those you wanted close but have privacy also. God help you had gone from horrified at the idea of this marriage to excited for it.

It was around two in the morning but you couldn’t sleep so you had music playing while you went through some of your older clothes and waited for Abaddon to get there. You heard a window break in your bedroom and grabbed your gun off the coffee table. You didn’t expect the pipe bomb that blew the front door off the hinges and threw you across the room.

You were barely conscious when you heard a voice say “With Joseph out the way we need her dead. We need to make Dean believe rivals killed her. That boy is so in love he’ll rip through them all. Grab her and we’ll keep alive long enough he’ll kill anyone when he finally gets her body” you tried to push yourself up but a black boot came into view. You followed that boot up to look into John’s eyes. He shrugged “Nothing personal sweetheart” then kicked you hard across the face.

------

When news made it to Dean that Joseph was dead and you were missing he felt his blood run cold. “What do you mean she’s missing? I thought you three had her back!” he nearly growled at Abaddon who was standing with Max and Alicia outside of Joseph’s estate where Dean had ended up going with Benny, Charlie and Sam at his side.

“We did! God dammit, I went to get her chinese takeout! I came back and her place was a wreck and these two were calling about the alarm going off at the main house!” Abaddon didn’t back down. She realized that Dean had a right to rage. He was in love with you but you’d been her charge and friend for many years. She’d die for you and wasn’t about to let him act like her and the twins didn’t care. “Well what now?” Benny asked and Charlie raised her hand “Has anyone checked cameras leading from her place?” Sam pointed at her “Good idea. Start there backtrack if possible. Dean we will find her”

------

How long had it been since you’d been taken? Did Dean think you were dead? Was he mourning you? Was John using him as a blunt instrument in his grief?

You were leaned back against a concrete wall curled into a tight ball. Your left eye was swollen shut, the right side of your head was sore to the touch from a blow that had needed staples but the swelling had finally stopped the bleeding. You were certain you had a few cracked ribs and more than likely some internal damage.

They’d showed you Joseph’s body and while he hadn’t been your favorite he’d still had taken care of you. John had stupidly expected you to die easily. You refused to stop fighting. You owed it to everyone you cared about to stay alive as long as possible.

You heard boots coming and forced your head up. John was right outside the small cell they’d shoved you into watching you closely. “Really I hate this because you’re a perfect match for Dean but I can’t have your morals fucking up my business. Right now Dean doesn’t like innocent people getting hurt but after I kill you then track down Sam’s new girl. The two of them? Well my boys will be ready to take down anyone I put in front of them” he smiled cruelly and you laughed despite the pain it caused “What’s so funny?”

You waved your hand showing the large slices they’d cut into your arms “You still think they’re anything like you or your dead wife? Those two? They’re good they’ll never follow your lead you bastard” he smiled humorlessly “We’ll see after your body gets delivered to Dean tomorrow” “So you’re here to kill me?” you asked and he pulled his gun out in response “Sure am”

You forced yourself to your feet biting down on your tongue to squash the noises of pain wanting to creep out of your lips. You refused to die on your knees. If you were going down it would be on your feet “Then do it you son of a bitch”

You held his gaze as a shot rang out but to your surprise you didn’t feel the pain of a gunshot instead John crumpled to the ground. You collapsed to your knees rather from pain or shock you weren’t sure but when you saw Dean standing there with a gun staring at his father’s body you began to sob.

You could hear familiar voices. Abaddon,Benny, Max but blocked them out. Thanks to you, the man you loved had been forced to kill his father.

You were curled into yourself when you felt strong hands on your shoulders “Y/N come on baby” you finally looked up to see Dean kneeling next to you. “I’m sorry” you choked out and he looked confused for a second then glanced back “It’s not your fault. I love you and if I had to kill him ten times over to save you I will” he gently pressed his lips to yours, careful of your wounds, then pulled you into his lap.

When the rest of the rescue team found you Dean barely wanted anyone else to lay a hand on you. He finally let Charlie and Bobby get close enough to look over your wounds “Nothing life threatening but she needs a hospital son. Your girl’s a fighter” Bobby said with a kind smile to you. Dean’s eyes were glued to yours as he said “My soon to be wife if she’ll still have me” you nodded crying again “Of course Dean”

“It’s taken a lot to get here but I am proud to say I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride” Bobby announced and Dean pulled you into a deep kiss.

The wedding was a lot smaller than anything Joseph or John had planned. There were barely thirty people in the garden of Joseph’s or well now your estate. It suited you and Dean a lot better. When Dean pulled back he smiled down at you “I love you Y/N” “I love you too Dean”

After the reception instead of throwing your bouquet you walked over and handed it to Eileen then winked at Sam “You’re next brother in law” Dean laughed and slid an arm around your waist “You heard my wife Sammy”

@girl-next-door-writes

#spn fanfiction #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester x female!reader #girl next doors make me feel bingo

89 notes · View notes

windsource · 3 years

Text

The Christmas Compromise

merry christmas, @lilliankayl !! ‘tis i, your secret santa! this ended up getting a little long, so there will be multiple parts up...soon. here’s the first one, which you will also eventually be able read on ao3 when it’s complete. hope you enjoy!!

Part One.

Dean feels his mouth start to form a lazy smile.

Through the winter chill and the foggy annoyance that his blankets are skewed around him to provide the least amount of heat and warmth, there is a distant recognition that the smell of coffee in the air isn’t just any brew.

Despite the effort to untangle the sheets from his legs and feet, Dean manages to bare his skin to the winter cold of his room, provided the damage to his heater. He makes a mental note to fix that later, after they come back. Dean can last a few days until then.

He can practically see his breath hanging in the air when he yawns, pulling on warmer clothes as quickly as his stiff muscles and numb fingertips will allow him. Sweats, then t-shirt, then hoodie, because he isn’t expected to be anywhere until later and he can always change before that if he needs to.

Better to die comfy than in plaid.

It’s early morning, judging by the darkness outside and Dean’s alarm clock that blinks 5:30 AM at him in white block numbers, but he can’t find it in himself to care that he’s awake to see hell freeze over. Lucky for him, there’s a quick fix to his sleepiness less than twenty feet away.

The socks take entirely too long to fit onto his feet. When they finally do, Dean yanks his door open and pads down the hall, stopping at the entrance to his kitchen.

It’s a modest kitchen—a modest home, really, but it does it’s job—and it’s empty save for an occupied chair at the kitchen table.

Dean stares for a second.

He’s allowed to notice clothes and posture before that second is disrupted by Miracle making a racket coming into the kitchen, and Cas turns to face them.

“Morning,” Dean greets him. The smell of coffee is much stronger here, and Dean can feel his mouth beginning to water.

Cas pushes a full mug towards Dean’s seat.

“Good morning, Dean. I made you—”

“My favorite brew,” Dean finishes for him. He sits, letting his fingers thaw under the ceramic of the mug and breathing in the heavy scent of Cas’ coffee.

“It’s everyone’s favorite brew,” Cas says, taking a sip from his own cup. “That’s why it’s the priciest.”

Dean levels a look at him.

“I have to make money somehow,” Cas defends.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean waves him off, bringing the drink to his lips. The first taste is hot—too hot—and it burns his throat on the way down.

“You never learn,” Cas says. Dean doesn’t need to meet his eyes to know that they’re squinting at him. “You’ve been burning your tongue on my coffee for years, you’d think it’d make an impact by now.”

Dean only frowns and mumbles into his coffee something about “not every time,” to which Cas rolls his eyes.

They can only pretend to be angry with each other for a few more minutes before it subsides into companionable silence. Dean lightly kicks Cas’ foot under the table to get his attention.

“You gonna need a ride to work?”

Cas sets his mug down and shrugs. He’s still in his night clothes: a white t-shirt—Dean has never understood how Cas can stand the cold—and borrowed sweats, but he’ll probably burrow through more of Dean’s wardrobe to get his outfit for today. The guy might as well live here with the amount of time he spends at Dean’s place and the fact that Dean’s closet is practically Cas’, too, now.

I could always just ask him…

Dean swallows the last of his drink and stands before he can contemplate the question again. He busies himself at the sink, and then ducks under the counter to get Miracle’s food from the cabinet.

“Yes,” Cas says eventually, evidently having gone through every other option before arriving at that one. “Is it a bother?”

Dean pokes his head over the counter to look at him.

“No, man, you know I like driving Baby around. Besides, I’ve got some shopping to do, and, y’know…”

“Free breakfast,” Cas adds for him, a teasing note in his voice. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed the muffins that go missing every time you drop by.”

Dean sets down Miracle’s food and whistles softly, standing straight once Miracle trots into the room and to his bowl to eat.

“Hey,” he points a finger at Cas, “Consider it a compromise since you never pay for gas.”

“It’s not like I haven’t offered,” Cas meets Dean by the sink to wash his cup out. “Do you want me to pay for gas, Dean?”

He’s standing close in that way that Cas always stands close—in the way that Dean has stopped correcting for years now. That’s just how he is, he reminds himself, and puts visible effort into keeping his eyes trained on Cas’ blue ones.

“No,” he says, “You don’t need to pay for gas. All I’m asking is that you look the other way when I happen to find a cookie just laying there for the taking. Do that, and it’s free rides for life.”

“When you say ‘laying there,’ I assume you mean in the casing, behind the counter, where only employees are allowed,” Cas sasses back, face stripped of emotion except for the slight furrow to his brow. Imperceptible, if it wasn’t Dean that was staring.

“So now I’m an employee?” Dean asks, finally pulling away from their bubble to pretend to clean the counter. “Jee, Cas, you shoulda told me. I would have put my apron on.”

Cas punches him lightly on the shoulder, done with washing his cup but fingers still wet from doing so. It leaves an imprint on Dean’s hoodie, which Dean acts like he hates, but it gives him a motive to attack Cas back.

They scuffle, elbowing each other and pushing each other around the kitchen—Dean even manages to try for a few tickles to Cas’ armpits and stomach, but still to no avail—until Miracle joins in and they stop so as to not accidentally step on a paw.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Cas says, once they’re done with the rough housing. Patting Dean’s back once, he leaves the kitchen and enters Dean’s room down the hall.

Warmer, now, with the extra movement in him, Dean leans against the counter to catch his breath. At least that’s what he tells himself, watching Cas mill around from door to door until he hears the bathroom shut and the shower start.

When Dean is sure that Cas is out of hearing range, he pulls out his phone.

“Bitch,” Dean starts, pressing the cold surface to his ear and cheek.

“Jerk.”

He smiles. “How’s it goin’?”

“Same old, same old. Got a case about to close up here real soon, so. Expect to see me at the Bunker in a few days.”

“You’ll be there,” Dean confirms. “Glad to hear it.”

“And you? Everything good?”

Dean shifts at the accusatory tone in Sam’s voice.

“Yeah, man. All good. Shop’s runnin’ just fine. Bobby says hi.”

A huff of laughter. “He still kickin’ your ass?”

Dean nods, even though Sam can’t see him. “Bobby’s Bobby. You know how he is, never a moment’s rest. Come to think of it, I actually had to remind him that it’s Christmas this week. The guy was asking if I’d be in on Friday. Had to tell him he wouldn’t be in on Friday, crazy bastard.” He hears Sam chuckle. “Oh hey, by the way, I think Rufus is coming with this year.”

“Really? Haven’t seen him since—”

“Yeah, I know. Well, he’ll be there—you can recount the tall tales of Rufus and Sammy to everyone as a Christmas present.”

There’s a pause, and Dean checks to see if the call had cut off before returning his phone to his ear.

“—coming?”

“Sorry, what?”

“Is Cas coming?”

Dean hears the shower shut off. The guy makes quick work.

“I was assuming,” he says.

“Well, you should ask.”

“Why?” Dean scoffs, “It’s pretty much a given, dude, he always comes.”

He can practically feel Sam’s eye roll over the phone.

“What?”

“I dunno, Dean, c’mon. You can’t just expect him to come whenever you call. He’s got his own family, you know, and—”

Dean grimaces, folding an arm over his chest. “No, he doesn’t. We’re his family. Those dickheads are—” He sighs, tries to contain the outburst before it can be unleashed. In…out.

“Trust me, Sam, he doesn’t want to see them. He’ll be at ours on Friday.”

“Dean—”

“Nice talkin’ to you, Sammy. I’ve gotta go, taking Cas to work.”

“Wait, he’s there?! Hang on a second—”

“Bye!”

He cuts the call before he can hear another word out of Sam, and just in time to see Cas in the bathroom doorway. He’s looking at Dean with his head tilted curiously, and Dean’s breath immediately catches in his chest.

“Was that Sam?” he asks. As if his hair isn’t all wet and towel-rustled, as if he isn’t dressed in Dean’s clothes.

“Yeah,” Dean croaks. He clears his throat. “Yeah, yes. He says hi.”

“I’m sorry I missed him,” Cas frowns, making his way over to Dean. Dean stills.

“It’s six,” Cas continues, “I should be at work by seven, if you can manage it.”

When Dean just stares back, Cas adds, “You should get dressed.”

“What’s wrong with this?”

“You’ve been wearing that hoodie for three days straight and you’re beginning to smell like Miracle,” he deadpans. “Go shower, I can wait.”

Dean pushes himself off the counter and brushes past him. “Thanks, Cas. How considerate.”

When Dean parks Baby in front of Heaven and Hell Cafe, he does so in his grey henley and several layers of long-sleeves, with jeans that do nothing to combat the cold.

Shivering, he follows Cas inside, and warmth envelops them upon entry, along with the jingle of the door bell.

“Cas!” comes a familiar voice. Dean hears more than sees a set of doors opening, and Jack is suddenly in front of them wearing a huge smile.

“Oh, Dean! Good to see you,” Jack lifts a hand in greeting, but it looks more like he wants a hug. Dean smiles back at him and waves.

“Hey, kiddo. Everything alright?”

Jack nods. “Yes. Although, I…I do need to see Cas for a second.”

“Oh, um. Of course.” Cas glances at Dean with a look that says ‘I’ll be right back,’ and follows Jack through the double doors that lead to the kitchen.

Dean trails after them half-way, stopping behind the counter to sleuth after some morning treats. He decides on what he thinks is a cinnamon roll, pulling it out of the casing and shutting the door as quickly as he’d opened it.

He stuffs the pastry in his hoodie’s pocket for later, and thanks the universe that it’s wrapped and won’t get covered in fuzz this time (he’d learned the hard way).

“—makes sense. Just let me know if anything changes.”

Cas appears through the doors looking slightly stressed. Dean fights to urge to get up and soothe, to run his hands across Cas’ shoulders and ease the tension there.

“You good?” Dean checks instead. Cas nods.

“Fine. Just…It’s fine. Didn’t you say you had shopping to do?”

“Are you kickin’ me out?” he jokes.

“No, but the shop opens in thirty minutes. Feel free to stick around if you’d like.” Cas’ eyes drop to Dean’s crotch area, and he quickly looks down to see what Cas is looking at.

“You can eat that here. No point in hiding it since the gig is up.” Dean lets out a breath. Cas had been staring at the lump in Dean’s hoodie pocket, where Dean was keeping his breakfast. What happened to ‘looking the other way?’

“Thanks, but you’re right, I should probably get going. I’ve gotta do errands and be at the shop later to work for a few hours. You coming over tonight?”

Cas pauses in the middle of putting his apron on, contemplating the question.

“No,” he says slowly. “Not tonight.”

Dean tries not to frown. Suddenly the weight of his phone in his pocket is ten times heavier than it was a few seconds ago. ‘Well, you should ask,’ the little voice inside his head that sounds like Sam, says. He sighs softly.

“How about, um. You’re—you’ll be there on Friday, right? Do you need a ride? I was planning on leaving on Thursday, if you wanted to come with. I know Claire’s heading out earlier. Jody, and all them, too…so.” Dean forces himself to meet Cas’ eyes. Something in his chest feels tight when he notices Cas’ expression has only gotten worse.

“I,” Cas starts, gaze falling to his shoes. “I don’t know, Dean.”

That thing in Dean’s chest solidifies and sinks to his stomach, settling there uncomfortably.

“Don’t know what?”

Cas starts rummaging through the bakery cases, adjusting things that don’t need to be adjusted, meticulously cleaning crumbs from platters and making sure the little banners with the pastry names on them are all straight and perfect.

“If I’ll be able to go,” he says finally, not looking up. “It’s the holidays and I’m busy here this season, people have been ordering pastries for Christmas, and I don’t know if I plan to close on Christmas day, because my regulars might want to come in still, and—“

“Cas,” Dean stops him, leaning over the counter. Cas notices and lightly tries to push him off so he can start on the counters, but Dean grabs his wrist to get his attention.

“You’re going to work yourself to death, man. It’s the holidays. Your regulars will understand if you don’t show up on Christmas, okay? And you’ve never had this issue any other year, so...” Dean makes Cas look at him. “What’s really bothering you?”

to be continued...

tag list (ask to be added/removed):

@castiels-a-lamp @jellydeans @writtenmemxries @cestladean @randomblabbling @fluffiestlou @dreamnovak @weird-dorky-little-d @depressivedemonnightmaredean @castiels-pussy@friedchickenangelwings @galaxycastiel @destielle @dickspeightjrs @on-a-bender @organicpurplepants @casbelieves @samuelswinchester @spacegirlstuff @seffersonjtarship @winchester-novak @professorerudite @squintingg @holmesemrys @imnotrevealingmyname @festivemish @merry-things-do-happen-dean @angxlsgrxce @casandeans @castielscrookedtrenchcoat @destiel-in-its-natural-habitat @gracelesschoice @superduckbatrebel @iheardyourprayer @top13zepptraxx @that-one-fandom-chick @scoobydean @destiels-canonahhhhhhhhhh @maxguevra @cursed-or-not @i-think-im-humanbut-cant-besure @fitinmypoems @madilineskingdom @awolfnamedaliac @castee-yel @tearsofgrace @credentiast @fivefeetfangirl @my-favourite-hellatus

#okay quick note:#i hate this sdfnjhsdf #i think its Not My Best and for that you have my apologies #i blame it on not having written fiction for like two weeks and instead writing like.#18 pages worth of essays #so. ANYHOW #i will probably come back to this and fix some things idk but i hope it suffices for now!#rambleoncas writing #destiel #spnfamsecretsanta

106 notes · View notes

supertransural · 3 years

Text

Dean and his “things, people and feelings” he’s already “experienced differently”.

So here’s a random 4am thought I had. You know how while in the confessional in 10x16, Dean talks about “things, people, feelings” he wants to “experience differently/for the first time”? That confession is literally incoherent if you take a perfectly heterosexual-non-castiel-point of view. It just is. Let me explain why I think that is, and prepare yourself, this is going to be long.

Let’s say, for argument’s sake, that we’re supposed to understand that conversation the way the priest understands it, that we’re supposed to see Dean the way the priest sees him: as someone who likes to have flings, who cheats, doesn’t commit, etc... basically the character that was introduced to us in the first few seasons/episodes (somewhat). I’m going to be calling that stance the “priest POV”.

The issue here, is that this is not in fact “the first few seasons/episodes”, this is season 10, Things have happened since then. People have happened. Feelings. Have. Happened. Wether it be in the form of flashbacks or present day events, we’ve seen character development. So let’s start with romantic ones.

1: The first one that comes to mind is Lisa (and Ben). He had a committed, long term, family oriented, white picket fence relationship. It wasn’t just a “I had no other place to go” kinda deal, because once he was somewhat back on his feet, he could’ve pulled a Dean WInchester and left. Except he didn’t. He could’ve cheated. Except he didn’t. He could’ve not opened up or not gotten vulnerable. Except he did. That should already debunk the “priest POV” but let me add on.

2: Cassie. Dean was insanely vulnerable with her, he loved her, opened up to her about the one big thing he never tells his one night stands, and incidentally was the one who was rejected this time around. He still has feelings about her when he meets her again.

3: Robin. His first, real girlfriend. With whom he was also in a committed relationship with, which probably would’ve kept on growing if John hadn’t been the usual assh*le that he is, and Dean had had a chance to go to that dance with her. I like to think of her as beta-version-Lisa, and also as the girl who set him on his blazing trail of leaving women after 1 day or 1 week. His dad was the one to rip him away from her, and we know he wanted his son to be the perfect masc, emotionless, order-following, womanizer. And that is exactly what Dean attempts to become, even though this obviously goes against every fiber of his being (see #4).

4: Amanda. Now you may be thinking “but hey! Dean does cheat on her! and it is a short relationship!”. Sure he does, and sure it is, as I said, ever since Robin, he’s trying to be the womanizer his dad wants him to be. But he still lets himself get quite attached to Amanda, as shown by his disdain of the school right after she dumps him in front of everyone. The only reason he liked or tolerated this school wasn’t just “the hot cheerleaders” or whatever, it was Amanda. He wants to put on this mask of “I don’t care about her, I’m a bad boy, I’m just in it for the sex”, but he’s genuinely hurt by what she tells him about his life and how she judges it, and saddened by the breakup. He lets himself get hurt by her. Bear with me, this is important, because we see it happen again with Cassie and then he never lets it get to that point again, simply because of fear and trauma (I think), for example he’s the one to start the conversation about breaking up with Lisa.

Now. What about the “he was just talking about platonic things and feelings and people” possibility. Spoiler alert, it still doesn’t work.

1: Jo. Otherwise known in my head as beta-version-Charlie, it’s true that Jo is part of those “early seasons” characters, but that only adds to the inconsistency of the “priest POV”. Dean cared intensely about her, some people think of their relationship as romantic, but I really like the “big brother/father/protective” figure idea. Whatever you believe their relationship was, it was profound, I mean he was positively shattered when she died. Again, deep feelings, longterm feelings.

2: Benny. Like seriously. Dean spent a year in Purgatory with him, saw him as a brother despite the fact he was a vampire, helped him as much as he could while he was having troubles adapting to life on Earth again, protected him through thick and thin, went against his brother for him, against other hunters, against his core beliefs as a hunter himself, just. for. him. If that doesn’t tick all the boxes of things, feelings, people he wants to experience differently for you, then I truly don’t know what to tell you. And then there’s the whole thing with the ship between them, which I somewhat agree with but it isn’t cannon enough for this.

3: Garth. Yeah, sure, Dean is condescending towards him at first, but he does care about him a lot, and probably doesn’t understand why and how Garth cares about him so quickly, or offers support voluntarily. Garth is a bit of a role model to him, that scrawny, somewhat cringy, little man is better at life than Dean is, and Dean sees that. He’s bothered by it at first, but learns to respect Garth later on, and care about him. He relies on him as a hunter, and kind of as a friend too and he lets him be the new Bobby (which proves a lot of trust grew here) (also, much later on, Dean makes sure he stays out of hunting so Garth can have a happy family life, he also accepts the fact that he’s a werewolf and that his whole family is too). That Also counts as people experienced differently and for the first time.

4: Kevin. Or as I like to call him, sort-of-beta-version-Jack. Dean feels responsible for him, he jumps into the role of a father figure more than Sam ever does, as much as Sam cares about Kevin too. He is also completely shattered when he dies, like with Jo (which is a bit of the reason why I see Jo and Dean’s relationship as a Big brother-Little sister relationship, the vibe is similar (but not identical) to Kevin and Dean’s).

5: Jody. Jody is like the mother he never really had growing up. He is vulnerable around her, opens up, she’s basically family. I’m not going to write in Bobby, because he doesn’t count as “new things”, he was effectively his father. Here, Dean lets Jody become a sort of mother to him even though his memory of his mom isn’t as tarnished as his dad’s is. He lets her step into his mom’s sacred shoes. He lets her take care of him in a way. He lets her enter his life and be here for him. New people, new feelings.

6: Charlie. Charlie is his little sister, no doubt about it. She’s his role model, he loves her deeply, he lets himself care about her and feel insanely protective of her. He lets her be Sam #2. He lets himself become a big brother to a new Jo. To a new human. He lets his nerdy side out around her, he learns from her openness about being gay. He is comfortable around her. He is constantly worried about her. New feelings, new people, new things, first time blah blah blah you know the drill by now.

7: Ash. Yes, yes, I know, another “early on” character. But as I said, it keeps on just proving my point. First of all, I firmly believe Dean had a massive crush on Ash but that’s just my interpretation. He respects Ash and looks up to him, he wants to be a bit like him, confident, comfortable in his own life and skin, happy, and he lives in a friggin’ bar for godsakes. He is the epitome of what Dean wants to be at that point in time. He wants to be carefree like Ash is. He thinks Ash is highly intelligent, and has it made. He sees what a happy man can be, one without burdens from “the life”. Ash is a bit like the cooler version of Garth (no offense to Garth of course). Does that count as a role model? I don’t know. But it sure as hell shaped Dean’s hope for what his life could one day be. And Dean cares about Ash deeply as well, he was devastated when he died (he was devastated about the whole Roadhouse burning of course, but it’s clear Ash’s death shakes him quite a bit) and is genuinely happy when he gets to see him again in Heaven, when he sees Ash content and at peace, and the fact that Ash tells him he’ll see him again one day makes him smile (btw thats something I would’ve wanted to see in the finale, but nooooo they simply had to give us a train wreck instead).

So now that we’ve established those relationships he’s already had before (and I use the term relationship broadly here, it also includes all his friends), I’d like to point something out. There are of course other people he met along the way, other people he saved who inspired him, like the gay couple LARPing as him and Sam, Ellen (beta-version-Jody), in a way Tessa, Layla Rourke, Eileen, to name a few. But I feel as though the ones I cited were the main ones that truly show how shallow the “priest POV” interpretation is.

So where exactly does all this leave us? Well, friends, exactly where I intended it to be. That scene can’t be about potential women being longterm or serious romantic partners because that’s already happened. It can’t be about friends or monsters, because that’s already happened. Canonically. Several times, in several different flavors.

TL;DR: There is no way this confession scene is heterosexual, and it’s probably about Cas, but not just him, it’s also simply about Dean himself and his comfy closet getting not so comfortable anymore.

#spn analysis #spn #supernatural #dean winchester #bidean #cas #deancas #destiel

62 notes · View notes

amwritingmeta · 3 years

Note

You don't think killing Dean the way they did was contradicting to his character arc and development?

Hello, lovely!

As the initial shock of watching Dean die is wearing off more with each passing day, I can tell you that no, I don’t think that killing Dean the way they did was contradicting to his character arc and development.

Let me explain.

And let me be clear, I’m basing this on my hopes and wishes for the narrative, for Dean, and they, in turn, sprung up from my reading of the narrative.

My reading has always, as all meta readings are, been wholly subjective, though I’ve striven to be objective, trying to base my reading in my understanding of narrative structure and possible production choices as much as possible. The initial shock after the finale came from how the delivery of Dean’s endgame stepped outside of what I wanted and had grown to expect in those weeks leading up to it, due to 15x18 and queer love suddenly being a stated part of the narrative.

Letting go of the idea of a long and happy life for Dean with Cas as a human on Earth, because that was simply the framework my brain invented to give them a happily ever after, I’d like to take a look at some of the other hopes and wishes I’ve had for Dean, in no particular order:

Dismantling the toxic masculinity ideal

Non-performance

Open communication and honesty

Self-acceptance leading to self-worth leading to self-actualisation

Integration

Clear sense of identity

Learning to let go of need for control

Learning to trust

Feeling deserving of happiness and embracing it

Ending the codependency

Teamwork and sharing responsibility/not feeling it’s all on him

Admitting to himself that what he longs for is to love and be loved

Believing in deserving to have a future

The world balanced out (no more firewall)

Putting the past to rest

Letting go of Protect Sammy as predominant purpose

Letting go of fear

No more Butch and Sundance/blaze of glory ending

Now, the more I think about all of these things in relation to S15 in general and the final three episodes in particular, the more those finale three episodes make me feel nothing short of delight for our characters. (sorry but it’s true) (I feel the distress of our family and it’s just horrifying but oh I do feel we need to take a breath together and calm down)

Here’s what I see. And what I see may come off as dismissive of people’s frustration and anger and disgust with the finale, but it’s not meant to be. I’ve always read this narrative how I described above, knowing that it’s impossible not to be subjective, but striving for objectivity.

Striving for objectivity by looking at what’s come before, the threads I’ve seen them pulling on, the overarching themes that have been consistent for fifteen years, the character traits that have been explored and narratively stated over and over again, and basing my analysis in these narrative constants.

So first, let us ask ourselves: was Dean’s death foreshadowed in S15?

The simple answer is that yes, it was.

It was foreshadowed by Amara saying that she wanted to release Dean from his anger, it was foreshadowed by Billie asking if it wasn’t time for the sweet release of death, and it was foreshadowed by the heart symbology peppered throughout the entire season.

Had it been coming for a long time?

Well, yes, it had. There were only two ways that his arc could end: him living or him dying, right? He’s died a lot, which is why I thought it should end in him living, finally, but let’s look at what the narrative tells us living constitutes:

fear (of losing his brother and of what’s around the next bend), as Dean admits in 15x17: he’s always afraid

pain, because the pain of losing Cas will never go away

Has Dean decided to deal with that? Yes, he has. He’s decided, by 15x20, to accept the loss, to look to the future, to not give up, to keep on fighting. He’s not even self-destructively looking for a case to distract him: instead he brings Sam to a freaking pie festival. Yeah? Dean is living his life.

This means that we’re shown him as having let go of toxic masculinity because he’s wholly non-performing at the start of 15x20, he’s openly communicating and being honest about the pain he feels over losing Cas, but as opposed to Chuck’s version of the “perfect ending” which was always tragic, where Dean losing Cas meant that he saw no purpose to living or fighting anymore, Dean takes that pain and is able to handle it because?

Because of Cas. Because of Dean internalising Cas’ view of him. Because of Dean being shown in 15x19 to grieve Cas, to want Cas back, to go through the motions (getting drunk etc.), only for him to realise (and yes the execution is lacking but I’m going to go with the narrative we have for the sake of this reading) that Cas isn’t coming back.

By the end of 15x19, Cas’ words have taken such hold that Dean not only eases up on control and is shown to confidently share the responsibility for de-powering Chuck by working as a well-oiled team machine with Jack and Sam - because he trusts them, he’s also symbolically allowed to fully integrate by refusing to kill Chuck, because his Shadow (toxic masculinity as passed along by John the Bad Father Figure) (John also has a good side but he had a very bad side, for sure) no longer holds any sway over Dean, and because of Cas’ words, because of Cas’ faith in him, through Cas’ love for all that Dean is, Dean is given the sense of self-worth needed to finally be able to move into self-acceptance, allowing him to self-actualise, to integrate.

Cas saved Dean’s life AND saved Dean from his crappy self-view. I mean. It’s kinda fucking remarkable that this reading is right there for the taking.

So here we have the narrative ticking boxes like JAYSUS, yeah?

Let’s look it:

Dismantling the toxic masculinity ideal

Non-performance

Open communication and honesty

Self-acceptance leading to self-worth leading to self-actualisation

Integration

Clear sense of identity

Learning to let go of need for control

Learning to trust

Feeling deserving of happiness and embracing it

Teamwork and sharing responsibility/not feeling it’s all on him

Believing in deserving to have a future

The world balanced out (no more firewall)

And this, all of it, is thanks to LOVE.

Because this is a story about love and... love.

So Dean being able to integrate thanks to Cas’ love is, to me, all about Dean opening himself up to the fact that what he wants, truly wants, and has always wanted (and needed, for that matter) is to be loved for who he is, and to allow himself to feel that very same unconditional love for another.

In the act of letting go of needing Cas back to somehow validate that love or validate Dean actually truly being deserving of receiving and giving love, we get the unconditional aspect of it underlined. There’s no dependency anymore. No fear attached to the emotion. Just the love itself, untouched by death. The healthy side to that profound bond that’s always kind of tripped these two up before. I mean. I think it’s kind of breathtaking.

Also, I’ve been told there’s an application that we see on Dean’s desk for him to get a job as a mechanic, which seems to me an underlining that Dean is looking to the future and in so doing is shown to feel deserving of happiness and embracing it. Something that I feel is established at the beginning of the episode, even without this detail, but is brought into focus thanks to it.

Dean doesn’t want to die. He has no desire to die. The implication being that he’s trying to make the best of what he’s got and is completely honest with himself about what he wants. Not owning a bar, but working on cars. The good side of John getting a nod, or so I would say. Especially poignant in an episode so heavily focused on Good Father Figures.

I haven’t seen the detail of this application for myself though, I just trust my sources. :)

Now we get to the meatier part of this reading: Dean and Sam.

What do we have left on the list of hopes and wishes of stuff to be addressed as pertaining to Dean?

We’ve got:

Ending the codependency

Putting the past to rest

Letting go of Protect Sammy as predominant purpose

Letting go of fear

No more Butch and Sundance/blaze of glory ending

I wonder if you might already be seeing where I’m going with this, but for good measure, let’s discuss the death scene and what it narratively results in for Dean and for Sam.

Dean and Sam end up in that barn because they’re two men who will not stand for harm coming to innocent lives, especially when those innocent lives belong to two little kids. This is who they are at their core.

Dean is killed by a vampire wearing a mask. Yeah. Someday perhaps I’ll make proper sense of it. Point is: Dean is impaled on a rusty nail that imbeds itself in his heart and sort of holds him together until the moment of his passing, giving him time to ask his brother to stay (zero performance and only vulnerability) and tell Sam exactly what Sam has always meant to him.

Which, for Dean, is vulnerability on steroids. Honesty times one thousand. In your face true identity flares of beauty.

This scene is stunning. When I watched it the second time around last Saturday I was blown away. Jensen makes this scene what it is, because it is such an absolute mirror of Dean’s scene with Cas and the differences to Jensen’s acting choices are paramount to the emotional significance of either. (oh Misha was extremely paramount to the declaration of love, don’t get me wrong, but here we have Jensen pivotally impactful, since he’s in both)

And through this mirroring we have two major threads of this narrative on display and effectively highlighted and tied up: the familial vs the romantic.

Because this is a story about love and... love.

The thing that I’ve been turning over in my head a lot is the codependency aspect here. I’ve had issues with it. Could it only be broken by Dean’s death?

And no, I don’t think that’s what’s happening here at all.

This moment is absolutely about the codependency breaking. In part. But it’s also about Dean going out bittersweetly, suddenly, without any glory or blaze, and it’s a very human, very real, very grounding moment to me for his arc: he didn’t expect it to be today, but it is.

*i’m seriously cry*

And Sam’s grief is so raw. I wish Sam had gotten to break away on his own. I’ll always wish that for him. That he could’ve seen his worth as a leader and leaned on that and on his love for Eileen, but Sam’s arc was always, always dependent on Dean’s progression, and this is what Dean’s arc needed in his final moment: clarity, honesty, trust, faith, letting go. A voicing of the fear, of the past, of what got them here, of the dependency - it was always you... and me - and both of them choosing, in the moment, to recognise the finality of it.

The entire show has revolved around these two men’s absolute inability to let go of each other and the stupidity and recklessness this inability has resulted in. Choice after choice serving to bring about the near apocalypses they’ve kept finding themselves in.

And reflecting itself in that has been the dependency Dean has felt for Cas’ presence, his annoyance and worry and fear whenever Cas has disappeared, how Dean’s progression has stopped in its tracks whenever Cas has been removed from the narrative.

So for this scene of the familial love allowing a letting go of that dependency to reflect itself once more so beautifully in how the romantic love allowed for a letting go of that dependency is kind of. I don’t even know. Everything glitters?

Dean finding peace ultimately has everything to do with having met, known and fallen in love with and having been loved by this angel of his.

But is that canon?

I mean, it’s subtextual canon, which is good enough for me, because it was all I ever expected and it’s such a blatant statement through the couples in love losing each other leading into Dean and Cas losing each other that there’s just no doubt in my mind how we’re meant to be understanding what these two men mean to each other, and from that draw the conclusions of what it is that’s influencing Dean’s moment of integration.

Does Dean’s death make a statement that happiness and love can only be found in death?

No. It really does not. Because that’s not what the narrative message is. Because Sam finds love and happiness by living his life. And I sincerely disagree with Sam being depicted as being depressed his whole life (the way Dean was with Lisa) because he lost his brother. Sure, there could’ve been pictures of all the found family when Sam is on his death bed, but he’s also thinking about the brother he lost and that’s simply a visual establishing of this fact. Could there have been more? Sure! But that doesn’t mean that all Sam cares about was Dean for all his life, living it in grief and loss.

Sam loves his son, helps his son, laughs with his son, is a good father figure to his son, and this thread is pulled on throughout the episode: the good father figure thread.

Dean’s goodbye to Sam isn’t just a brother saying goodbye to a brother.

It’s a father bidding farewell to his child. It’s a father gently relieved to not have to watch his son die. To get to go first. And yes, sure, that’s sad, but it’s also very human and real and says so much about their relationship.

Dabb era has hit the father/parental thread so hard that the Good Father thread running through this episode makes perfect sense to me.

Dean goes to Heaven not to find Cas, not expecting Cas to be there, but finding Cas there all the same (reward for letting go and having faith that if he’s meant to, and why wouldn’t he be, then he’ll see Cas again *headcanon*), and more than that, learning that Cas has made Heaven what it is now, moved Heaven away from trapping souls in endless memory loops (which was benevolent enough, but completely missed the point of what it means to be human) and that now there’s discovery and exploration and more life to be lived, because Heaven is overflowing with free will, with choice, with all the possibility for longevity and happiness.

The eternity that Dean deserves.

Created for him by Cas.

Cas ensuring Dean’s death is not an ending, but a beginning. That it’s not a prison for Dean’s mind, but instead a homecoming, filled with the prospect of reconnecting with all the people Dean has ever cared about, ever loved.

I mean, the fact that Cas’ prevailing faith in Jack has enabled all this is like strobe lights for the fucking brain.

And the irony is that while I focused entirely on how Cas needed to be grounded and choose to live a human life on Earth, the narrative had other plans (okay yeah the writers) and instead brought Dean to Heaven, and immortality.

It takes away the final obstacles for giving these two a happily ever after.

It also reflects itself in how Mary, in Heaven, is “complete”. She’s with John. She’s at peace. She’s happy. And who have always been fairly strongly tied (through mixtapes and whatnot) to Mary and John Winchester? Yeah.

Also, Cas the angel will never age and will never die, and him with human Dean, watching Dean grow old and die only to go visit Dean in his little Heaven always made me depressed. Human!Cas took care of that, but left the Heaven conundrum wide open. And now it’s just gloriously fixed.

And, speaking of, Cas got to FIX HEAVEN. And he’s fixing it together with his son. All of that faith, all of that struggle, completely rewarded. And Cas building that Heaven in wait for Dean to arrive, because if Dean hadn’t died in that barn (take me back to the night we met...) Dean would’ve died at some point, and Cas can wait, he just wants to make sure there’s happiness waiting for Dean when he arrives. I’m sorry but OMFG. I’m just so happy for our Castiel!!

Could Dean not know happiness on Earth?

I think he was on his way. I think there would always be that pain and that fear, but he was ready to accept that and make the most of it and live his life. Only... his heart is missing, because his heart went away, and perhaps there’s this chance that he’ll find it again, because he always has before, but he doesn’t know, and he doesn't expect it, and that’s okay, he can wait, and then he’s brought to Heaven, and there it is, and he smiles that smile and Heaven is basically complete apart for one final piece.

Because of course Dean would wait for Sam.

Now. I realise this is my reading of this narrative. No one needs to accept it as the begin all, end all reading. I’m only hoping that it will offer a counterweight to the absolute and utter negativity being bandied around as the only true begin all, end all, because I do not see it or believe that it’s all there is to this finale.

There’s beauty here. And discounting it, at least the possibility of it, even if it’s not exactly what I’ve laid out in this reply, because of frustration of not getting textual Destiel is not doing anyone any good. We got subtextual Destiel, we got subtextual bisexual Dean, and it’s confirmed. To my mind, it’s confirmed.

That’s everything I ever dared expect. And that expectation came solely from how clear the subtext has always been, how invested the writers have seemed in it, and the actors too.

And Cas is canonically queer.

Which is fucking amazing and truly enormous and I’ll talk very gently about why I don’t feel his death was a case of BYG in a separate post, but Cas is alive in the narrative as it’s been presented to us, and he’s in love with Dean and they get to be together in the Heaven Dean deserves, remodelled for Dean by Cas. If that’s not the beginning of a happily ever after, then I don’t know what is!

Thanks for asking, love. I’ve been meaning to write all this down and have spent the afternoon doing so. It’s quite cathartic!

108 notes · View notes

imagineswriting47 · 4 years

Text

Nightmares and Date Nights

A/N: This is for the Anon that asked A Dean x reader where neck kisses make her sleepy? All mistakes are mine and mine alone. This is not Beta read. Sorry, this took so long to get out. I will try to be better about posting.

Warnings: None

Summary: The Reader keeps waking up for nightmares, and Dean helps her.

Parings:Dean/Reader

Tags: @akshi8278

"NO!!." I wake up to screaming only to find that I was the one doing the screaming. Sweat and tears are running down my face. I hear footsteps rushing to my room; my door is thrown open, showing Sam and Dean on the other side. Dean, with a gun in hand, ready for whatever was making me scream out. Once Sam and Dean see nothing in my room attacking me, the gun is lowered, and a look of concern is on both of their faces. I have woken them up the last couple of nights with my screaming. Not being able to look at them, I keep my head down. I was waiting for them to walk out of my room before I let the tears fall. When I hear the door close, I finally let the sob that had been bubbling up out. The tears quickly make their way down my face. It is then that I feel someone sit down next to me on the bed; quickly looking up, I find that Dean is still in my room.

Dean doesn't say anything as he pulls me into a hug. In Dean's arms, I cling to him, my hands fisting in the back of his shirt. Dean doesn't say anything as I cry. Dean holds me and lets me cry until there are no tears left. Once I get my breathing under control, I pull away from Dean only to feel him wipe the tears from my face. "What is going on, Y/N?" I shrug my shoulders, not ready to talk about it yet. I want to get some sleep. I am so tired I haven't had a full night of sleep in what feels like weeks. I pull completely away from Dean before turning my back to him and lay back down, hoping that Dean would understand and leave me alone.

Dean doesn't leave; he lays down behind me and wraps his arm around me before pulling me back against his chest. "I'm not leaving you alone. That is not what a family does." I don't know but having Dean in here with me seems to help me as I quickly fall asleep. Having Dean with me seems to help keep the nightmares away as Dean, and I seem to sleep late into the next day.

I am woken up to Dean, pulling me closer to him. For the first time in weeks, I have slept this late. I carefully remove Deans are from around me and quietly leave my room. Making my way to the kitchen, I start some coffee for Dean and I. The coffee was finishing up when Dean makes his way into the room. I pour him a cup before getting myself a cup. We both work silently as we make ourselves something to eat. Dean didn't bring up last night, and for that, I am thankful.

The day in the Bunker is quiet as there is no hunt that we can find. With nothing that is pressing that we all need to be doing. I finally do my laundry that I have not had the chance to do as we had been back to back hunts the last couple of weeks. Deciding that I would do Sam and Deans, I quickly get their dirty laundry from their rooms. I do the best to get all the blood out before throwing it all in the washier.

As I am waiting for the laundry to finish, I work on cleaning up my room. I start by making my bed. Picking up the pillow that Dean has used, I can't help but smell it. Leather, gun powder, and the shampoo that Dean uses is the smell that greets my nose. It smells like home and safety. Not wanting to dwell on that fact, I finish making my bed before moving on to straightening up my bookcase and placing everything back where it goes.

It doesn't take long for my cleaning and the laundry to finish. With the basket of Sam's laundry, I make my way to his room. "I'm just worried, man. Every night this week, she has woken us up with her screaming." Pretending that I don't hear the conversation, I knock on his door as I wait for Sam to open it. "I have your clothing. Oh, Dean, yours is done too. Want me to put it in your room?" Sam and Dean both have a guilty look on their faces. So whatever conversation I had overheard had been going on for a while. Turning my back to them, I don't wait to hear what Dean has to say about his laundry. Placing it in his room and on his bed, I turn and make my way back to my room.

When I hear my name called behind me, I pretend not to listen to it as I close my door behind me. Climbing into my bed, I pull my blankets over my head in the hopes that I could get a small nap in before Dean would start dinner. Sleep doesn't come easy. I lay in bed until I hear a knock on my door, and Sam is telling me that dinner is ready if I want to go and eat.

Pulling my hair back in a bun, I make my way to the kitchen. Dean has made famous burgers for dinner. He knows that they are my favorite and only makes them when he is trying to apologize to me or do something that I don't like—not wanting to bring up the fact that I know what he is trying to do. I eat silently, not joining in the the conversation about possible hunts that we could be going on in the next couple of days. I clean up the kitchen as the boys finish eating before leaving the room.

I decided that I would head to bed early as I didn't want to deal with anything. Washing my face and pulling on clean pajamas, I climb into bed. I don't know how long I lay in bed when I hear my door being pushed open. Pretending to be asleep, hoping that they would leave me be, I hear my door shut before someone is sliding into the bed behind me.

"I know that you are awake, Y/N. So what is going on?" Dean asks in a quiet voice. Almost like he is afraid to break the silence in the room. "This is the week that I saw my family get murdered by those demons," I whisper to Dean. I had never talked about how I got into hunting and why. I never talked about my family. It just hurt too much, and this week is always hard on me. Reliving that night over and over only now, I know how to save them in my dreams, and I never can.

Dean doesn't say anything after my words; Dean holds me tighter to him. When I thought that maybe Dean has fallen asleep, I feel him place a kiss on the back of my neck. I can't help but tilt my head further to the side, letting him have more of my neck to kiss. Dean takes the hint and keeps kissing every inch of my neck that he can reach. "Y/N, you know that I am no good with words or talking about my emotions. But I care. I care about you more than just a friend," Dean whispers into my hair, his breath tickling the back of my neck. "I wish that you would have come to me sooner, Y/N. It would help if you were not alone right now. And I don't know about you, but that was some of the best sleep I had when I was here in bed with you.

Turning around in his arms so I can look Dean in the face, I find that he has the most beautiful blush covering his cheeks. I am moving my arm to place my hand on his cheek, rubbing my thumb across his bottom lip. It feels so soft, making me want to touch them against my lips. "Dean, I care about you too," my voice is just as quiet as his. Dean looks me in the eye. What he is looking for, he must find as the next moment his lips are on mine. The kiss is chaste, nothing more than him pressing his lips against my own. It holds a promise for much more later.

Both of us know that we are not ready for more. That we both want to do this right, but that doesn't stop Dean from placing kiss after kiss to my lips before trailing them down my neck. I can't help the content noise that leaves my lips as Dean continues to kiss my neck. My neck had always been my weak spot. Neck kisses always could make me feel safe wand that always made me feel so sleepy. I can feel my eyes grow heavy with each kiss. Before I know it, I am asleep. I wake up the next morning with Dean kissing me.

"So how about a date night, then?" Dean asks with a smile on his lips. I nod my head yes before climbing out of bed. I make my way to the showers loving the endless hot water of the Bunker. Once I am showered, I make my way back to my room. Dean is gone by the time that I get back, but the smile on my lips doesn't seem to leave. Even with a date planned, Dean seems happy to always be by my side.

We talk about everything that we can think about. Dean then asks about my family. I tell him how I lost my family when I was sixteen, and not long after that, I found out that it was a demon possessing someone. Deciding that I didn't want anyone else to ever go through what I did, I started learning all that I could about the supernatural. That once that I got out of high school, I got into hunting. Dean wasn't happy to find out that I was hunting on my own all that time before I had met them. I told him how I didn't trust anyone enough to hunt with them before him and Sam. He got this stupid smile on his face when I told him that.

Before I knew it, I had to start to get ready for my date. As I was getting ready, I couldn't help but think that finally talking about what happened to my family made me feel a little lighter. I finish up my makeup, keeping it simple as I am not one to wear a lot of makeup to begin with. I keep my hair simple and leave it down. Knowing that Dean doesn't get to see it down very often. I pull on a clean top before changing into some nicer jeans. Jeans that don't have any holes or bloodstains on them. Before leaving my room, I pull on my favorite pair of converse. Pulling open the door, I find Sam on the other side of it, hand raised to knock on the door. "Sam?" I say as he steps back from the door, leaving me room to step out into the hallway. Sam puts his arms around my shoulder as we walk down the hallway with my door closed behind me.

"I am glad that you talked to Dean Y/N. Dean didn't tell me what you talked about, but whatever it is, I want you to know that you don't have to go through it alone. I am glad that Dean finally found the courage and asked you on a date." Sam whispers the last part before we walk into the kitchen.

Dean is standing there in some of his nicer clothing and a nervous smile on his face. Looking at the table set up, I find that (YourFavoritMeal) on the table. I don't want to know how Dean found the time to make this, but it is incredible.

Dean pulls out a chair for me as Sam walks away from the kitchen, not before placing a kiss on the top of my head. Taking my seat, Dean helps me push my chair closer to the table. Dean takes his seat across from me, and I can still tell how nervous that he is. Reaching across the table, I take his hand in mine before telling him. "Dean, don't worry, this is perfect." I can see him relax at my words even if he doesn't let go of my hand. We hold hands all through dinner, only letting go when Dean stands up to get dessert.

With dinner finished and the kitchen cleaned up, we make our way back to the bedrooms. Dean walks me to my bedroom before kissing me on the cheek. "I had a fantastic night, Y/N." I pull him into a hug then not ready for the night to end. But it is getting late, and we have to be up tomorrow for a Hunt that Sam found.

"Me to Dean." I kiss him on the cheek before turning and opening my door. With the door closed behind me, I lean back against it—a stupid smile on my face. Finally, moving away from the door, I start to get dressed for bed. When I am moving my blankets down on my bed, I realize that I don't want to sleep alone tonight, either. Grabbing my favorite blanket off my bed, I quickly make my way from my room and down to Deans. Knocking on his door, it doesn't take long for him to pull his door open.

"Can I sleep in here with you?" Dean doesn't say anything after asking that just steps away from his door and lets me into his room. Dean's bed is bigger than mine and much softer, making me wonder why I never went and got some memory foam to sleep on. Laying my blanket down on his bed as well, I climb under to cover with him. Laying on my side Dean is once again is the big spoon. Dean kisses me on the back of my head before he starts placing kisses along my neck also. "I like it when you do that, Dean. It makes me feel safe and sleepy."

"I'll have to remember that," Dean whispers to me. He doesn't stop kissing me until I fall asleep.

A/N: If you liked this, please leave a heart and a re-blog. Requests are still open, and so is my tag list. I can't wait to hear from you all!

#supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fic #supernatural imagine #supernatural x reader #dean winchester #sam and dean #dean winchester fanfiction #dean x reader #dean x you #Jensen Ackles

144 notes · View notes

cacophony-of-notions · 3 years

Text

My feelings on a common misconception interpretation of Sam in “Slice Girls”:

TL;DR Sam did not kill Emma as “revenge” and Dean was not ethically inconsistent in his actions with Emma versus Amy.

I have seen many times people claim that Sam killed Emma as “revenge” for Amy. I have seen both his antis and his hardcore stans say this (the latter as a means of “justifying” a decision Sam made that they traditionally wouldn’t stand behind… regardless of the fact that killing a kid to get revenge on his brother would paint him in a far worse light than taking the situation at face-value).

In the same way that Dean killed Amy because he legitimately thought it was the right call, Sam killed Emma because he legitimately thought it was the right call. That’s it. Hate both of their decisions, agree with one but not the other, agree with neither… no matter what, I don’t think wanting “revenge” and taking that out on a child had anything to do with Sam’s actions. There are a few reasons why.

First, looking at the context of the season as a whole, Sam has been worried about Dean’s mental state for most of the season in much the same way that Dean has been worried about his, and accordingly, they didn't trust each other’s judgment fully.

Dean killing Amy was to some extent, about not trusting Sam’s judgement due to his attachment to Amy and the metal state Sam had been in that season. Sam had been hallucinating and had also lied about it. So on top of not being sure if Sam could accurately grasp reality at any given time, him hiding it also made it very difficult for Dean to trust Sam to be honest if he was hallucinating, needed help, or needed to take a step back.

Sam’s decision to kill Emma was, likewise, to some extent, about not trusting Dean’s judgement due to his natural attachment to Emma as a father and Dean’s mental state that season. We see, on several occasions in season 7, Sam noting that Dean is drinking more alcohol than usual (which is saying something). Several times in the season, Sam expresses concern over this, to Bobby as well as to Dean directly. Sam’s lack of confidence in Dean is actually enough that, when Dean begins to notice things moving from where he left them and starts to suspect that Bobby is haunting them, Sam repeatedly and flippantly dismisses his observations and chalks all of it up to Dean drinking too much and grieving too hard and being an unreliable witness.

Second, Sam and Dean came to an understanding about Amy in “The Mentalist”, and Sam ended up saying at the end of the episode that Dean’s actions made sense, and that he was right that Sam’s judgement couldn’t be trusted because he was too close to the situation emotionally.

Season 7’s “The Mentalist” covers the confrontation between Sam and Dean over Amy, and Sam’s decision to work side by side with Dean again. There are two scenes—the initial blow up from Sam and Dean’s rebuttal, and then the resolution at the end of the episode.

First the initial blow up and Dean’s rebuttal:

Dean: We agreed to work the case. We didn’t agree for you to be a dick the whole time.

Sam: What?

Dean: You’re pissed. Okay? And you’ve got a right.

Sam: Yeah, damn straight.

Dean: But enough’s enough.

Sam: Says who? Look, I’ll work this damn case, but you lied to me, and you killed my friend.

Dean: No, I put down a monster who killed four people, and if you didn’t know her, you’d have done the same thing.

Sam: I did know her, Dean.

Dean: Yeah, which is why you couldn’t do it. Look, I get it. There are certain people in this world, no matter how dangerous they are, you just can’t.

Sam: Don’t pull that card! That’s bull! Look, if I’ve learned one thing, it’s that if something feels wrong, it probably is!

Dean: Usually, yeah. But killing Amy was not wrong. You couldn’t do it, so I did. That’s what family does—the dirty work. And I would have told you eventually, once I knew that this whole “waving a gun at Satan” thing was a one-time show. I think it’s reasonable to want to know that you’re off the friggin’ high dive, Sam. You almost got us both killed. So you can be pissed all you want, but quite being a bitch.

Then there was the resolution at the end of the episode:

Sam: Look, you know what... you were right—about Amy. If she was just any monster, I’m not sure I could have let her walk away. I dunno. I mean, I’ll never know.

Dean: What are you saying?

Sam: What I’m saying is… I get why you did it. You were just trying to make sure no one else got hurt. But here’s the thing: you can’t just look me in the face and tell me you’re fine. I mean, you’re not sleeping, you drink for the record-

Dean: Oh here we go…

Sam: Look, whatever. Last one to preach. I know. But… just be honest with me. How are those the actions of someone who knows they did the right thing?

Dean: You want me to be honest?

Sam: Yeah.

Dean: I went with my gut. And that felt right. I didn’t trust her, Sam. Of course, ever since Cas, I’m having trouble trusting anybody. And as far as how I’ve been acting… I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I don’t like lying to you. You know, it doesn’t feel right. So yeah, you got me there. I’ve been climbing the walls.

Third, in context, when Sam brings up Amy in the car, it is to say Dean choked with Emma in the same way that Sam choked with Amy and it could have gotten him killed—not that killing Emma was somehow vengeance for Amy. See the conversation at the end of “Slice Girls”:

Sam: What did you say to me... when I was the one who choked? What did you say about Amy? “You said you kill the monster”!

Dean: I was going to!

Sam: Oh, like hell you were! You think I’m an idiot?

Dean: What you think I am?!

Sam: Dean, you were gonna let her walk!

Dean: No I wasn’t. That’s ridiculous!

Sam: Look, man, she was not yours. Not really.

Dean: Actually, she, uh, she was, really. She just also happened to be a crazy man-killing monster. But uh, hey-

Sam: You know what? Bobby was right. Your head’s not in it, man. When Cas died, you were wobbly, but now...

Dean: Now what? Oh what, you’re dealing with it so perfect? Yeah, news flash, pal. You’re just as screwed up as I am! You’re just... bigger.

Sam: What?!

Dean: I don't know!

Sam: Look... Dean, the thing is, tonight... it almost got you killed. Now, I don’t care how you deal. I really, really don’t. But just don’t... don’t get killed.

In no way does Sam suggest here that Dean “deserved” to have his kid shot in front of him as some kind of “payback”. In fact, that doesn't really make sense

In the context of the conversation in “The Mentalist, where Sam said he understood why Dean felt the way he did about Amy.

It also doesn’t make sense in the context fo Sam’s comment that Emma “wasn’t really yours”. If he did it to hurt Dean, he would have pressed into that relationship, not dismissed it.

He lectured Dean because he was scared Dean wouldn't have been able to pull the trigger and would have gotten himself killed. It’s the same “are you off the high-dive?” lecture Dean gave him, it’s the same “I did the dirty work for you because you couldn’t”. The shot Sam took wasn’t hesitant, but it also wasn’t emotional. It was calculated and ruthless. It was a choice Sam made, that Emma could not be trusted. He made that call. And maybe he was right—maybe the brainwashing went too deep, and Emma would have come after Dean again if they let her go (which is probably what Sam was really worried about—that she would have gone after Dean again and gotten the drop on him or he wouldn’t have shot her), or maybe she would have come after someone else. Maybe Sam was wrong, and Emma could have been persuaded away from life in a cult. We can say the same about Dean killing Amy. All they had was her word that she wouldn't kill again. And yet, if her son got sick again, it seems reasonable to assume she’d go on another killing spree. Maybe Dean was right to kill her, maybe he was wrong.

Other notes:

[1] Sam misses a certain detail when he compares Dean’s actions with Emma to his own situation with Amy. Sam only compares the two situation by virtue of him or Dean choking due to an attachment to the “monster” in question. However, there’s a distinction between the two kills that is important within Dean’s personal ethical framework, while it’s not necessarily important within Sam’s... to the point that Sam doesn't really see this distinction at all (in fact, he may not know about it). Namely, Emma had never killed anyone before while Amy had killed four people. Dean’s actions in both situations are actually ethically consistent—which is another misconception in fandom. From Dean’s framework, Emma and Amy are not the same. Emma and Amy’s son are the same. We see the distinction Dean draws between Amy and her son in “The Girl Next Door”: Dean kills Amy but lets her son go because he’s never killed anyone. He doesn’t rescind that even after Amy’s son tells Dean he’s going to come after him eventually and kill him. Dean treats Emma in the exact same way. He tells her he would let her walk away because she’s never killed anyone, and he doesn’t rescind the offer even if it seems like she still might try to come after him again. This is also consistent with how Dean treated Bobby John in Season 6 “Two and a Half Men”, Jack in Season 4 “Metamorphosis”, and Madison in Season 2 “Heart”.

[2] When he kills Amy, Dean is notedly dealing with trust issues that he himself acknowledges, after what happened with Cas. He trusted Cas implicitly even when Bobby and Sam doubted him, and he got burned, and it shook his ability to trust in anyone (see Sam’s “wobbly” talk above”). Killing Amy is a part of that, according to Dean’s own perceptions.

[3] To a certain extent, it might even be said that Sam and Dean aren't just wary of trusting each other’s judgement, but also wary of trusting themselves. For example, “You kill the monster” is a hardline stance that’s unusual for Sam and that is rejected by both brothers as early as Season 2 “Bloodlust”. But because Sam doesn’t trust himself at that point in time, and also does not trust Dean’s judgement either, he does what he thinks is “safe” when his own mind is half shredded and he has a depressed and alcoholic brother who he’s afraid is going to let a monster kid murder him one day (be it Emma or Amy’s son). If he were to let Emma go and worse came to worse, Sam doesn’t feel he can rely on Dean to defend himself from her, and he doesn’t know what his own mind state is going to be like in the future. So he does what’s “safe” for them both. In the same way, Dean’s actions with Amy could be viewed as him choosing what’s “safe”.

#dean winchester #sam winchester #spn 7.03 #spn 7.07 #spn 7.13 #the slice girls #the mentalist #the girl next door #fandom misconceptions

16 notes · View notes

blueaura · 3 years

Text

Lost and Found Ch. 8

A/N: Hello again! This chapter is a little shorter than the last couple of chapters but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. Thank you for the feedback on the last chapter, it means a lot. Also, I’m making a seperate tag list for people who would like to be tagged in all of my supernatural stuff (one shots, dabbles, other series etc.), so let me know if you want to get on that. Also, Also - if any of you have any requests for one-shots or the like, I’d love to do that. Thanks to everyone who’s read and re-blogged it this far. As always, any tips and suggestions are welcome. Feedback would be amazing. Thank you and happy reading!

Summary: Sam and Dean meet a young hunter who is a little rough around the edges and they reluctantly take her under their wing. But she might be a little more connected to them that any of them realise.

Word Count: 1.8k

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7

Chapter 8

To Dean it felt like it took forever.

He watched Cas’s hand glow as if he were healing her, not even daring to breathe. Sam stood beside his brother in support. Cas had his eyes closed in concentration. Dean was looking worriedly at Y/N but she didn’t look like she was in any pain. He trusted Cas with his life and knew he would never knowingly hurt Y/N, but worrying came naturally to him and he had to make sure she was safe. There was an instinct there that he was usually used to associating with just his brother.

Cas had only wanted to see her soul but as soon as he put his hand on her, he was bombarded with her memories. Her thoughts, her pain, her experiences – they were so loud. He had never felt so crippled by a human mind before. He was surprised by the intense anger he felt on her behalf. The girl didn’t seem to harbour much anger herself – there simply wasn’t any place for it beneath the fear, uncertainty, loneliness and hurt. He saw her memories like he had once seen Dean’s when he pulled him out from hell. Once he was sucked in, he couldn’t get out until she let him even though he felt like he was somehow violating her privacy. But, if he ever had any doubt that there was a part of Dean Winchester in this girl, the burning determination underneath everything else would have been enough to remove it. Even without seeing her soul, shining as brightly as her father’s.

Y/N was expecting pain even after Cas assured her that there wouldn’t be any. What she was not expecting was the warmth. It felt like she was bundled in the softest blanket and nothing could hurt her as long as she stayed in the cocoon of that warmth. It was bright light and hope and love and like nothing she had ever felt before. She almost didn’t want to let it go but she could feel the sensation trying to pull away from her. She chased it until she couldn’t. She didn’t know how long had passed before she came back to Earth, so to speak.

Cas’s hand slid from her forehead down to her cheek momentarily.

“I’m sorry for the hard life you’ve had Y/N. You are truly an incredible human being and I vow to protect you to the best of my ability from here on. I shall not let any harm befall you.”

The intensity of his words surprised her but she didn’t say anything. Dean, on the other hand, balked at the words.

“Wait, what just happened?” he asked, looking from Cas to Y/N and back again.

“What’s with the vow of protection? Is this some kind of Twilight imprinting bullshit?!” Dean’s voice grew more hysterical with every word, making Y/N muffle a snort.

“Dude, why the hell do you even know what that is?” Sam asked incredulously. Dean ignored him in favour of glaring at his friend.

Cas turned away from Y/N to give Dean his best imitation of Sam’s bitchface.

“No, Dean. I didn’t imprint on your daughter. I can assure you I have no intention of mating with her,” Cas sarcastically dead-panned, which would have normally impressed and even amused Dean but his brain had stopped working at that moment.

Daughter. Daughter.

Fuck.

There was a ringing in his ears. He could hear Sam calling his name, could feel the weight of his hand shaking his shoulder, but everything was muffled – the only thing he could focus on was the fact that he had a fucking daughter.

Of course, he had known it was a possibility – that was the whole damn point of the angelic test, but now… it was real. He was a father. Just like that. In that moment – he fucking hated Sandra.

Sam would have loved to say that Dean reacted maturely and focused on Y/N and didn’t freak out at all, but father or not, he was still Dean Winchester. So, Sam wasn’t all that surprised when instead of making sure his daughter was alright, Dean stormed out in the direction of the shooting range, or so Sam assumed. He knew his brother and he knew that it was how he processed things. Working on his car or shooting stuff was Dean’s way of dealing with the news and Sam was just grateful that he didn’t choose to turn to the bottle instead.

He watched Dean walk off but instead of trying to reason with his brother, he turned towards the other person affected by the news. His niece (Holy shit, he had a niece) was frozen in place, her eyes not really focused on anything. Cas looked at him worriedly and Sam realised that Cas hadn’t meant to drop the news in such a way. He smiled at him reassuringly, and walked to where Y/N was still standing.

Instead of calling out to her, he gently guided her to the library and made her sit down on a chair. She didn’t react at her which didn’t necessarily surprise Sam but worried him nonetheless. Cas brought a glass of water from the kitchen and Sam quickly thanked him before setting it down on the table and kneeling in front of Y/N.

“Kiddo? Hey Y/N, are you alright?” he instinctively asked and winced. Of course, she wasn’t alright. Her entire world had just turned on its head.

“Y/N, you with me?” he tried instead.

She looked at him without really seeing him. He had to repeat the question a couple of times before he even saw a hint of acknowledgement in her eyes. He waited patiently until she finally shakily nodded her head.

Her throat was dry. She reached for the glass of water blindly. Sam quickly picked it up and placed it in her waiting hands, watching as she took small sips.

“Where’s…” she trailed off, sipping at the water again just to have something to do.

“Probably in the shooting range. He’s… processing. But I guess so are you,” he said uncertainly.

“You have a shooting range?” She was clearly avoiding the big elephant in the room, but Sam didn’t take the bait.

“I’ll show you later,” he dismissed the topic change expertly. “How are you holding up?”

“You mean after learning that my mother lied to me my entire life?” she spat out. Sam winced at the tone but ignored the hostility, only squeezing her shoulder in response. She deflated at the lack of a fight. He simply waited.

“I don’t know,” she said finally. “I wasn’t expecting… I know you were all but convinced but I wasn’t. San- my mother always gave me the impression that my father was dead. Until a few minutes ago, I didn’t even have distant relatives that I could call family. Now suddenly, I… I don’t know how to deal with that,” she said, frustration heavily lacing her voice.

Sam noticed the hesitation at her mother’s name and stored that little piece of information for later. His heart went out to her, it truly did.

“Look, I can’t even begin to imagine being in your position right now. Or Dean’s, for that matter. Hell, I’m still reeling from the fact that I have a niece, and I’m not even the one directly affected by this! So, I cant tell you how to feel or what to do. That’s up to you. What I can tell you is that you’re family now, Y/N. That word has way more weightage in this household than it probably does anywhere else. So, whatever you’re going through, you won’t be alone. I’m here, Cas is here and when he eventually gets over his little temper tantrum, Dean will be here too,” Sam smiled wryly.

Y/N chuckled a little even as emotion clogged her throat, shaking her head at Sam’s attempt at levity. She was suddenly pulled into the tightest hug by Sam, but this time she refused to cry. She’d had way too many breakdowns in the past few days and she’d ignore the stinging in her eyes and the burn in her throat if it was the last thing she did.

Instead, she sniffled into Sam’s plaid shirt, realising this was the second time in as many days that she was in this position. She chuckled at that, and instead of pulling away burrowed herself deeper into the comfort of the embrace.

Sam squeezed her tighter and kissed the top of her head. This was his niece. He was a fucking uncle! What did uncles even do? She was probably too old for toys. He also didn’t see much pranks in their future, at least for a little while. He could teach her he supposed. She clearly needed education and didn’t seem particularly thrilled about any form of formal institution. Yes, he would be the brainy uncle, who answered all the questions. He could do that.

Eventually, she pulled away. Seeing the hopeful expression on Sam’s face, she managed a weak smile at him, trying to tell him that she would be alright.

“I think I’m going to get some sleep and… process all of this. Let me know if De-Dean comes back soon,” she stumbled a little, not entirely sure what to call Dean anymore. Was ‘Dean’ inappropriate? It was way too soon for anything remotely in the ‘Dad’ ballpark. She put it away as a problem for later, not wanting to deal with the headache that accompanied thinking about her new family.

“Yea- yeah! No issues, kid. Get some rest. Dean will probably be a couple of hours. Cas already went to him earlier. He’s good at making Dean sort through things. I’ll probably head over there myself in a few,” he said assuredly.

“What’s up with that anyway?” she asked, her earlier curiosity making it harder for her to keep her mouth shut.

“What’s up with what?” Sam sounded confused.

“Cas and Dean?”

Understanding dawned on Sam’s face, immediately replaced with a look of long-suffering exasperation. Y/N giggled at that, making Sam smile subconsciously at the sound.

“If you ever figure it out, let me know,” he sighed and with a last kiss to her head, walked away.

Y/N shook her head and walked up to her room. She once again took stock of all the things that supposedly belonged to her. The mattress was the softest she’d ever slept on. She had her own freaking room. She had food to eat and clothes to wear and a couple of guys who cared more for her than what she thought she was worth.

Maybe, just maybe, this wasn’t so bad.

TAGS: @vicmc624 @carisi-sonny @zizzlekwum @geekqueen5 @mondefantastique @lemondropirwin @hamildork @mrswhozeewhatsis @singingsongbird1318 @strrynigxts @only-for-cee @now-its-time-to-get-funky

If anyone else would like to be tagged, please send me an ask (: Thanks for reading!

#supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #spn #spn fanfic #dean winchester #Sam Winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #sam winchester x reader #sam x reader #castiel #castiel x reader #dad!dean x daughter!reader #uncle!sam x niece!reader #platonic relationships #Cee tries to write

85 notes · View notes