#but once i do have stuff id like to put it somewhere where it wont be scraped by ai | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blednone · 10 months

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do all of them....... silly willy for posting this thinking i wont' say do all of them

01. pockets. very minimal loose change. a pocket knife. sometimes one of those packs of matches that you get from motels or bars. other than that its the usual stuff: wallet, phone, house keys, lighter.

02. bag. if we're talking about the travel bags that they can keep safely in the motels and stuff: nothing out of the ordinary. clothes, a bar of soap cause he likes his better, shampoo and conditioner, the usual care items. maybe a spicy time device if they're feeling it, so dig at your own risk.

but if we're talking the hunting bags that they keep in the trunk: matches and an extra lighter, a bulk container of salt, a fully stocked first aid kit that abe makes certain to refill if they use certain items after bad hunts. whatever they need in order to finish the case be it their salt shotguns, extra guns, machetes. he also carries a mix of very specific dried herbs and plants for spell work, plus a separate bag for the symbols and specific items made for them from by people they can trust, or by them in prep for spell work. stuff that may or may not be needed one day. abe is the definition of prepared for anything.

03. car trunk. everything you'd expect to be there cause after a while abe stops using his personal truck because there's simply no use for it and they just use the impala. but when he did use his personal car a very long time ago, it was probably pretty empty. he might have carried a few crates in the back for the apples he'd take to market every once in a while, but thats about it.

04. car glovebox. same as before, but i feel like abe probably likes to make sure that there is a roadmap in the glovebox even after smartphones get better and better cause "you never know," but also makes sure there are extra flashlights and maybe a few lil snacks that won't go bad if they're left in there for a while for an emergency. probably also keeps wipes in there cause he knows how dean is and how messy their job is. an extra spell bag that doesn't go in with the others, this one mostly filled with protective charms. better safe than sorry.

05. closet. listen abe is a very simple man, jeans and a t-shirt guy at heart. there are a few simple jackets, one or two hoodies that are oversized because those are just comfier, maybe a good carhartt jacket. a rather decent selection of "nicer clothes," meaning he probably has two or three good suits with a tie collection he shares with dean for cases (lets be honest they probably share the whole closet). one pair of nice shoes to use during cases, a pair of work / casual shoes, and a pair of boots for hunts. thats wardrobe wise anyways ..

as far as what else is in the closet? a mini safe that holds most of their various ids when they're not on hunts: park ranger, safety inspector, etc., probably has the original blue-prints to the cabin in a sealed box somewhere buried under the rest of the things. honestly, there's probably not a lot of things in the closet that you wouldn't expect to be there.

06. bedside table drawer. this is where it gets interesting because abe always, whether they're in the cabin or sleeping in a motel room, has a gun on the bedside table. there's also usually one under the bed just in case but for the most part they stay on the bedside table. always a thing of holy water in a little container too, which should never be confused for the bottle of lube which, ironically, they put in an old holy water bottle that has "sex" written on it in permanent marker because they thought it was too funny to pass up. at least the travel one is. the real bottle stays at home in their bedside drawer, safe and sound, tucked away with the rest of the miscellaneous stuff.

07. medicine cabinet drawer. allergy pills. grape cough medicine as its the only one dean likes. pain medications like advil, a few icy-hot patches they tried one time for dean after a particularly rough hunt that just remain as an extra option, just in case. some extra strength excedrin (especially during and post michael). a variety of band - aids and bandages, a pair of scissors, needle and stitch thread that he keeps in abundance. alcohol.

08. wallet. id, one or two separate cards, no more than $100 cash at a time and that is used mostly for emergencies. he also carries a little photo of dean in one of the pockets of his wallet. its a little bent at one of the corners and faded from age but its his favorite picture and he will never take it out.

also has this old zolatar fortune card that he got from some old shop out in the middle of the midwest one time. it was one of those in between cases moments when they stopped somewhere and took some time to unwind and time for them so they could just be, probably before getting sam, and it said something about how he was holding on to something from the past and that what he has in front of him is his future, his way forward, that the only way to truly have it is to let go. its a nice little reminder to have so he keeps it, plus it reminds him of the fun he and dean had that day.

09. “junk” drawer. probably a shit ton of batteries of all sizes and rubber bands, truth be told. change that just kinda got dropped in there for whatever reason. old keys that probably don't belong to anything anymore. both dead and perfectly working pens, good luck. old written notes (good morning, ran an errand and will be back soon. going to the store, be back in an hour. out in the orchard, coffee is still warm) to dean that can probably be tossed. an old owners manual for a fridge that abe had in the 50s that should have probably been tossed a long time ago. a bunch of miscellaneous stuff like paperclips and pins, a few safety pins, the works.

10. pantry. honestly it stays pretty stocked with fresh things. plenty of apples from the orchard, onions from the farmers market in town, peppers and herbs that he collects from the same market. little snacks that dean likes.

a lot of what abe keeps at the house is fresh goods, a lot of things that he uses for making meals from scratch with the best ingredients possible. locally grown produce, if not his own. so every other week or so he has to make a grocery run to make sure things stay stocked.

11. phone home screen. abe is a pretty basic man, most of the things on his phone are default things that were already on the home screen to begin with. camera, calendar, a search engine. there might be like one game on it that he and dean play and get a little competitive with from time to time, but its really kind of generic default stuff from there.

12. frequently used emojis. 🍆 - this one requires no explanation whatsoever. 🥰 - same with this one. 🙄 - this one is usually at other people.

13. to do list. as follows: dean. pick up extra flour and butter from the store. dean. check to see when the market begins to set up for fall harvest this year. dean.

14. computer home screen. mostly pretty empty. his background is of him and dean though, one of those times they were just relaxing in the orchard after a long days work. probably about the only thing that he actually uses on the computer is google for cases.

15. bookcase. abe has a whole stockpile of books from various eras and regions of the world. a lot of them are likely in different languages, ancient and modern, and some are even first edition copies / very rare finds out there in the world anymore. he has so many books in his collection, in fact, that the study shelves are completely filled (some books are even leftover from when will was using the study during his life), stacked sideways, and there are piles of 12+ high on the floor around the old desk and in front of the book cases.

a lot of them are various lore from around the world, some are different versions and translations of religious texts, others are studies of the supernatural from around the world and, in a very select few, published works about the possible existence of immortal peoples. there are fictional works between the occult stuff and some business publishes and law studies that were a part of will's things in life that abe doesn't have the heart to throw out.

16. cd collection. abe is more of a records kind of guy, and even then its not very plentiful. anymore they probably play things through the system on the tv abe has in the living room when either of them want to listen to music in the cabin, but abe probably didn't collect a lot of cds or vinyls.

for a long time he was content to just live in silence and take in the sounds at the cabin more than anything. but with each dean, there were different moments they sat and listened to music. a radio, a vinyl record, the cassettes in the impala, through the bluetooth system on the tv.

17. calendar for this month. nothing too specific. mostly just working on his plan for the fall season. apples are going to be in high demand for pies and ciders, and he'll definitely be among those at the market hoping to sell later in the month through all of autumn.

18. “secret” hiding spot. there really isn't one. not really. the cabin itself is technically an escape but its not really a hiding spot, nor is it really a secret. there used to be an old cellar on the property where they'd store certain things for winter, but it likely collapsed one spring due to a collection of moister over the years and was never rebuilt.

but i guess if we want to get really truly technical, there is ONE hiding spot that remains a secret and thats where he buried his guns he used during his time as a hired gun after promising never to touch them again. and thats at the back corner of the property, next to the little creek that runs through. abraham has never told a soul where he put those things, and it remains an unspoken secret to this day.

19. five most recent in contact list. dean, most contacted. sam, second most contacted. cas, probably, on a rare basis. wendy and george, the elderly couple who run the market most days, rarely contacted.

20. refrigerator. a lot of fresh produce, just like the pantry. eggs, milk, peaches and strawberries, vegetables. sometimes there are pie leftovers that they put in the fridge from the night before, maybe some from dinner too. some coffee creamer. some of deans favorite beer.

21. home safe. not a lot, truly. their most unused id badges for various occupations, the original deed to the property that was passed to him and will's last documented wishes. his mom's personal bible, both to keep it safe from the elements but also so he doesn't have to look at it anywhere because he can't bring himself to.

22. amazon shopping cart. nothing. abe rarely uses amazon, doesn't even have a membership. abe tries not to use it as often and likes to do a lot of his shopping locally, and if he can't find it THEN he'll try other places like amazon.

23. bank account. thats a big number that i'm not even going to try and figure. just know that he's set both from his own wealth through the years and what will had passed down to him, adjusted for inflation through the last few turns of the century and just ... they're not going to be struggling any time soon. abe could truly get away with a lot of things financially if he truly wanted to.

24. first aid kit. various kinds of pain killers, alcohol + alcohol wipes, gauze and various bandages and band - aids. scissors, stitching needle and thread. a clean knife. tweezers. little vial tubes in case they need to keep a sample of something. antibacterial spray. bug cream for those ridiculous bug bites. burn gel. emergency blankets. blood cleaning kit. anything and everything you can think of.

o25. five most recent in google search history. cases of supernatural hauntings in rural areas in the states. cases + studies of immortality. lore on a specific monster for cases they work on. hotels near me.

26. most used playlist. deans playlist. abe has a few songs in the mix of that list but its always deans playlist.

but i feel like they have a road playlist and an at home playlist. ones for keeping them busy and entertained on the road between cases and driving back to the cabin, and ones for when they want to just relax. the smooth relaxing kind of music you can put on in the background to cook or to settle into a warm bath to.

27. least used playlist. the at home playlist probably. sometimes they just want to crawl into bed after everything, settle in with the natural sounds of crickets and the occasional owl in the distance.

28. five most recent sent text messages.

to dean, saved under - husband: i found the remote to dean, saved under - husband: when you come back in, i have a surprise for you (; to dean, saved under - husband: i love you to sam, saved under - sasquatch: i found something of interest, call me to sam, saved under - sasquatch: DO NOT DISTURB. 1 hr.

29. five most recent received text messages.

from dean, saved under - husband: where the hell was it ?? from dean, saved under - husband: oh i like the sound of that (; from dean, saved under - husband: ❤️❤️ from sam, saved under - sasquatch: ok. 1 hr. from sam, saved under - sasquatch: get dean and call me, i have something

30. netflix watch history. probably just scooby doo cartoons and old clint eastwood westerns. not necessarily on netflix but wherever they can find them. its a bunch of classics for them, really.

#* 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘥 . inbox.#bledgrace #* 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘺 . my heart looks like a bruise and i almost don't mind.#me a thousand and one years later getting to this #Yikes

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meltwonu · 4 years

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| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 | [CHAPTER 12]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; camshow, sex toys, overstimulation, tiniest mentions of daddy!kink, a lil bit of a filler chapter!, this is the most btsvt chapter that it’ll ever get so i’m sorry if you dont like that!! 😭😭, a bit of a lighthearted chapter too tbh to ease everyone back into cherry bomb! 💕 I know its been like two fuckin weeks since the last update which is honestly insane to me! I almost couldnt remember where we even left off lmao kdjfhds 😩💕💕 Thank you for being so patient with me and waiting it out while we had two weeks of Monster Mash! Starting Monday, I’m gonna be going back to my normal posting schedule! 💕 have a great rest of the weekend, yall! 🍒

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - ?

“Wait, seriously? You want to work here? But--but I thought you were from out of town?”

Jun’s eyes light up with excitement; fingertips crushing the resume you passed to him moments prior. “Um, well, there was a change of plans… and I’d really like to work somewhere where I have a friend! If you guys are still hiring, that is...” You reply back meekly.

It’d taken you all morning to write up a resume, blushing a little when you realize most of your income had been from camming. It’d also made you pause for a moment when you realized that it meant Jun would also know your real name too; as well as everyone who came through the diner and all of your coworkers.

“Yeah, of course! I, um, just give me a second to pass this to my manager, okay? I’ll be sure to put in a good word!” Jun shoots you a wink before he turns to leave.

You take the opportunity to sit down at a nearby booth, fishing for your phone to text Seungcheol.

‘I think I might be getting the job!!’

cheollie ✨: oh? Not that I doubted you, but is it confirmed already?

‘Mm… Jun is trying to put in a word for me! But I’m confident!’

cheollie ✨: thats my baby ;)

You hear someone call your name hesitantly, only to find Jun standing a few feet away looking at you sheepishly. “Um, sorry, your name’s on the resume so I figured…”

“Oh! Yeah, it’s fine!” You awkwardly giggle. “I figured writing ‘Cherry’ as my name wouldn’t be too smart when you need to cross-reference my ID if I get the job.” Jun laughs as he takes the seat across from you in the booth, papers in hand.

“Well, I convinced my manager to let me interview you. Told him that if we’d be workin’ together that I’d want to scope you out for myself! He bought it, can you believe it!?” Grinning, he sets your crumpled resume down next to a small stack of papers. “I don’t doubt you’d pull your weight around here but I do have to ask… Why here of all places? I thought your, uh, other job was enough? Or I guess I assumed...” You bite your lip, flip-flopping on whether or not you wanted to let him know exactly what happened that led to your sudden decision.

“Um… There were just some big life changes I had to make on the fly and I’ll be living around here now! I’m trying out some new things… I also figured if I worked with you, then you’d know my schedule the best too! And you seem like a really nice and cool guy.”

Jun nods, smiling back at you.

“You got that right!”

“You’re seriously going to start working there?” Jeongguk raises a brow, cables in hand as he sets up the extra PC in his streaming room. “And the guy working there knows you? That doesn’t bother you?”

Seungcheol laughs under his breath, “Yeah and he knows me now too. And knows I’d kick his ass if he tried anything.” You pout from your place in the expensive gaming chair; eyes focused on Jeongguk who shimmies under the desk to start plugging in the cables.

“Well, yeah he does know me, but he’s also one of my regulars and knows the schedules I’ll need, so I think we can trust him!” They both nod and Seungcheol is quick to cross the small room until he’s right behind you.

“He seems like a nice guy though, I don’t think we have to worry.”

Jeongguk slides out from underneath the desk, dusting off his pants as he stands. “And if he does end up being a weirdo, there’s always a place for you at the roller rink!”

Seungcheol rolls his eyes, hands gripping onto the backrest of the chair.

“No.”

“Hey guys, welcome back to Golden Closet Gaming! I’m JK, your regular host! Today, we have a suuuper special guest! Why don’t you introduce yourself, pretty lady~”

You take a deep breath as you lean in close to the mic; somewhat nervous and a little out of your usual element. “Hi everyone~ I’m Cherry! Some of you may know me from, um, the other side of the streaming-sphere but I’m joining my friend today in hopes of boosting our channels together and having a ‘lil bit of fun!!”

Seungcheol sits at the side as he watches the two of you; a small smile painted on his lips at the way the two of you seem to fall into your characters easily despite the somewhat different platforms and influx of different viewers.

The sound of donations and comments pour in a lot quicker than Jeongguk, himself, is used to; eyes wide and eyebrows raised as he pauses to watch them flood the screen.

sleepy_wonu has donated $100

xcaliburDK has donated $100

sleepy_wonu: never thought i’d be donating here but here we are

xcaliburDK: i was always a silent watcher but u kno i had to donate for my favorite girl!

seokGENIE: i feel like i’m entitled to something for taking your shift so i wont be donating, sorry pretty girl

j__min: can’t believe this kid got a collab with you before i did :(

j__min has donated $200

dtsug__a: i dont normally watch streams either but im curious

Jeongguk laughs, still in disbelief as the donations continue to pour in from a combination of your viewers and his. He always made a decent amount from his viewers but he couldn’t deny the pull you had from your viewers as well. “Wow, um okay, my donations are adding up a lot quicker than they usually do. That’s… Hey, whaddya say to streaming with me regularly?” He jokes.

A shy laugh bubbles up your throat; ears and cheeks burning hot at the idea. You had never collabed with any other streamer before and despite your initial hesitance and unsureness, you too, were shocked to find how well the two of you were doing without your usual content.

“Erm, I’m not very good at gaming though… I don’t think your viewers would like it very much...”

seokGENIE: thats ok jk sucks at gaming too, it wouldnt be too different

j__min: lmao fkjdhf

dtsug__a: does he get roasted often on this channel? If so i’ll be tuning in more often

dtsug__a has donated $100

dtsug__a: for your troubles, pretty gal

“On second thought, let’s let this be a special occasion, huh? Maybe collabs for the holiday, Cherry?” Jeongguk grumbles and Seungcheol has to bite his lip to keep in his laughs from his side of the small room. You start to feel more and more comfortable at the lighthearted atmosphere; tucking a stray hair behind your ear before you lean in towards the mic again.

“Ah! Speaking of, don’t forget to tune into my camshow tomorrow~! JK and I will be gaming on there as well but… with some added fun to match my channel~! 21 and over only~” You blink at the computer screen, still a little unused to the idea that you weren’t technically being filmed. Although, it was a nice change for once; not needing to be all done up for a show and simply just talking to your viewers and reading comments.

sleepy_wonu: is dom daddy gonna be on the show too?

“Dom daddy? Oh you mean Se---”

“Yes! Kind of!” You cut off, laughing nervously. Nobody knew Seungcheol’s name except for Jun and you were trying to keep as much of him private as possible, until he was ready. “In a sense, he’ll be there! You guys will just have to tune in to find out!”

Jeongguk laughs into his own mic, scooting in closer to his desk as he loads up the game.

“I think that’s enough chatting for now, huh? Let’s get started! Tonight we’ll be playing Phasmophobia! We’ll be playing something more lighthearted on Cherry’s channel, as she requested. So tonight we’ll be playing something I picked out. You ready, baby?”

Seungcheol narrows his eyes, quietly taking a sip of his water.

“Ready when you are!”

“I gotta say, sweetheart, for someone who doesn’t play video games too often, you’re not too bad.” Seungcheol comments, nodding his head in amazement as the three of you exit Jeongguk’s PC room. He’d had a hard time keeping in his laughs as he watched from the side and he had to admit, you were even cuter when you were outside of your usual element.

“I have to agree with hyung, but maybe it was also the adrenaline and screaming that kept you goin’.”

The two males share a laugh as you pout and plop down onto Jeongguk’s living room sofa. “Hey, how were the numbers for tonight, by the way?” You ask quietly.

“Honestly? I think we made almost triple of what my channel usually sees. I know I don’t really make a ton off of my streams since I don’t really do anything, like, crazy but shit… Even I’m shocked at how much we made.”

Seungcheol’s lip ease into a smirk; Jeongguk really had no idea how much the two of you had made off of a couple videos alone.

“We still have one more stream to do and then we can just pool up the money and split it down the middle!”

Jeongguk nods, stretching as he sits himself down onto the other end of the sofa. “I’ll bring my spare PC stuff so we can set up a little early tomorrow, if that’s cool with you two? Maybe have some food before we get started too ‘cause god knows I’m gonna be starving.” You look to Seungcheol who nods and checks his phone for the time.

“Yeah, we need to set up the cameras and lighting a little differently too so we’ll probably start earlier. Just text me before you drive over so we know when to expect you.”

You yawn next to Jeongguk; adrenaline having worn off as the tiredness finally sets in. “It’s so weird, usually I’m only just starting my stream right around this time but I’m so exhausted now...” Seungcheol’s eyes from cute crescents as he smiles down at you, stepping closer as he goes in to smooth down your hair.

“You really were screaming a lot, to be fair. How about we head home and you can sleep in the car?”

“Okay~”

Seungcheol lets you sleep in on Saturday morning, watching as your chest rises and falls with soft breaths.

He takes a moment to think over the last few weeks of his life and he can’t help the disbelieving expression that crosses his features when he realizes just how much had changed over the course of just weeks.

When the two of you had met, he wasn’t expecting much. He expected the two of you to hang out for a few days before you went home and forgot he even existed outside of your camshows and the comments section. But now that so much had happened between the two of you, Seungcheol felt a deeper connection to you and felt the need to protect you even moreso than ever.

He sees you shift slightly, sleepy eyes blinking open as you peer up at him. “Good morning, sweetheart.”

“Mm… g’morning ‘cheol…”

You grimace sleepily at how hoarse your voice sounds, “Ew, I sound so… gross.”

Seungcheol moves to get out of bed, leaning in to kiss your forehead before he shuffles towards the bathroom. “I’m going to wash up but you can stay in bed if you like. I’ll make you some tea for your throat, okay? We have a long day ahead of us and I don’t think you wanna sound like that later tonight.”

Nodding sleepily, you lay back down as you yawn and let the sleep take over once again.

“Are you really sure ‘bout this?” Jeongguk takes a bite of his pizza as he watches Seungcheol pull the desk closer to the bed.

“What do you mean?” You ask; readjusting the light that was closest to the younger male. “Like, I dunno, I’ve never been on a cam show like this so… I mean do I have to do anything different?” You laugh lightly as you go in to pat Jeongguk on the shoulder.

“No, just be you. And we went over it already earlier, the only thing that’s different is going to be me! No weird tricks or anything, I promise.”

Seungcheol places another monitor on the tabletop, grunting as he goes. “Yeah, and in all honesty, I would hate to have to watch you get off, ‘Guk.”

“Oh shut up, hyung. You say that like I don’t know what you’re packin’ under those sweats. I think it’d only be fair! Just two bros getting to know each other.” Seungcheol pretends to gag just as you double over in laughter. “No, absolutely not, ‘Guk. And also, nobody told you to watch those videos!”

Jeongguk pauses, lips pressing into a firm line. “You right, you right…”

You leave to get changed just as Jeongguk starts to help Seungcheol set up the last few bits of equipment. He leans in close to the older male, eyes glancing around the space to make sure you were completely out of earshot. “Hey, hyung, honest question.”

“Sure.”

“Are you really okay with all this?” Confusion crosses Seungcheol’s features as he raises an eyebrow at the younger male. “What’s ‘this’ exactly, ‘Guk?”

“Y’know, her living here and you camming all of a sudden, among everything else really… And the question if you’re in love with her which, by the way, we still all know that you are.”

A blush coats Seungcheol’s skin, fingertips almost losing grip of the camera he was about to mount to the desktop. “Listen, yes, okay, I do… like her a lot. But she’s going through a lot right now too and I don’t want to freak her out either. There’s a lot of life changes we’re going through so I’m just going to ...wait.”

“You’re a good man, hyung.”

“Hi everyone!”

You wave to the camera, winking and blowing a kiss to the camera propped up between the two monitors on the table. “I know, this setup is a little wild and not my normal but this is part two of my collaboration with Golden Closet Gaming! Do you want to introduce yourself to those who missed our other stream?” You turn to Jeongguk who nods; this time a little nervous as he stares directly into the camera.

He’d said he was okay with being filmed since he wasn’t actually part of any sexual acts, but he still found himself a little camerashy now that the two of you were live.

Seungcheol sat directly behind the monitors and cameras; his phone open to your cam show to watch from a different angle.

“Ah, hello! I’m JK of Golden Closet Gaming! I’m a friend of Cherry’s and no we won’t be fuckin’.” Jeongguk ends with an innocent smile that has you holding back your laughter.

therealchan99: i dont think dom.cheol would like that very much anyway

universe_WZ has donated $100

universe_WZ: unless he’s into watching

dom.cheol: no

alphagyu97: oh shit hes back

angelhan: huh, so hes not there?

“Oh, he is! He’s behind the camera~” You gesture beyond the camera to where Seungcheol sits and he leans over to quickly wave upside down in front of the camera to prove his existence.

j__min: ah, of course~ we know your daddy would never let you play with anyone else~

j__min: he likes you too much ;)

emerald.tae: oh? also hi new watcher!!!

emerald.tae: ur videos were great!!

emerald.tae has donated $200

therealchan99: im gonna need to start fighting ppl for ur attention i swear

gentleman_josh95: implying u had it

chwenon: yooooooo lmao

“You guuuuys, be nice! Just for that, I’m gonna be sending you a special private pic, okay ‘therealchan99’? You guys pick on him too much!” You pout.

therealchan99: hahaahhAHhhahaHAAHAA FUCKIN LOSERS SUCK ON THAT

tangerine_kwan: bruh

chwenon: damn guess we should can it

You respond to a few more comments as Jeongguk sits by and watches the way you interact with your viewers. He also takes note that you had a donation minimum before you started actually doing anything on your channel and that you’d already hit it pretty quickly.

“Okay! I think we should start now, huh? Oh, I should explain what’s going on!” You giggle cutely, settling into your space on the bed. “So JK and I will be playing this stilt man game! We have to get our character to the finish line without falling or the level restarts! JK has to get to level 30 and I have to get to level 20 and whoever reaches their goal first, wins!”

“I have a higher level to reach ‘cause our skillsets are different and we all know I’d smoke her if we both had to reach the same level.” Jeongguk grins.

seokGENIE: sure

seokGENIE has donated $69

sleepy_wonu has donated $100

hoshi_tiger_xx has donated $100

“And the reason why ‘dom.cheol’ is behind the camera is because...” You pause, eyes twinkling with playfulness as you stare directly into the lens. “In order to get me to do my best, he’ll be controlling a special toy I’m wearing~ Hehe, if my character falls, he’ll raise the vibration setting each time as punishment and leave it on until I cum…”

“Which we are assuming will be a lot. Unfortunately, no medic on standby.” Jeongguk jokes. Seungcheol rolls his eyes as he laughs from behind the camera.

“We have a safeword, don’t we, sweetheart?” You nod in response, “Mmhmm!”

“Let’s get it!”

It takes all of four stages before your character falls for the first time.

Seungcheol turns the vibrating panties on and you immediately jolt as you try to keep your character upright on screen. “Oh, f-fuck!”

kitty_junjun: uh ohhhh it begins

artist8hao: i don’t think she’s gonna last.. babygirl is so sensitive, she’ll probably cum soon

xcaliburDK: i’m giving it until level 6 before she cums

emerald.tae: oh are we placing bets

“Noooo~ Don’t place bets on me, I’m weak!” You whine; already squirming as the vibrations attack your clit. Seungcheol grins from in front of you as Jeongguk laughs from your side, already on level 7 on his own screen.

You had to admit, it was a little weird for someone else to be in the room with you while Seungcheol basically used a toy on you, but the younger male seemed to not care about it at all. Although, he had already seen most of you and Seungcheol at this point.

Your fingertips are shaky on the keyboard and computer mouse; already fearing the way Seungcheol’s eyes almost become darker the longer you struggle.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart? Is the game too hard?”

“A-ah, n--no, it’s not that b-bad…” Squirming, you grind down a little harder onto the bed just as your character falls on screen and Seungcheol raises the setting to the second highest in the blink of an eye. “Ngh, fuh---fuck!”

“Uh oh~ Should I slow down to let you catch up?” Jeongguk teases.

“N-no, I can beat y-you!”

The donations and comments pour in as you struggle to keep your calm and get your character to the finish line; letting out a sigh of relief as you finally enter the fifth level. You let out a choked sob as you already feel your panties starting to stick to you like a second skin from how wet you were getting and Seungcheol can’t help but chuckle.

“You know, you’re technically allowed to cum whenever you want. It’ll just… slow you down, is all.” Grinning, he watches as you look beyond the camera towards him as you pout.

“But I--I wanna win!” You cry; palms clammy as you try to rush through the fifth stage, only for your character to fall almost immediately. “Nooo~”

Seungcheol clicks the vibrator to its highest setting and your body goes rigid as the vibrations wreck your body. You start to grind against the toy as you chase your orgasm and forget about the game almost completely. In a perfect world, Seungcheol would have his cock snug between your walls, but instead you clench around emptiness as you crave his cock.

artist8hao: ah shes already cumming lol

seokGENIE: on level 5? Fuck

universe_WZ: her cute lil cunt cant take it, poor babygirl

seokGENIE has donated $50

emerald.tae has donated $75

alphagyu97: cum baby, u kno u wanna

alphagyu97 has donated $75

A small choked whine is all you can manage before you do cum; eyes clamped shut and fingers wrapped tight around the computer mouse as the waves of pleasure crash down onto your body. Donations and comments flood the side of the screen from a combination of your viewers and Jeongguk’s as they watch your face contort in pleasure.

“Ah, sweetheart, you’re really falling behind~ JK is going through the stages so quickly while you’re sitting there cumming~” Seungcheol teases. He licks his lips, simultaneously wishing you were sitting on his cock while you played your game.

That’d have to be for another time, he thinks.

It takes a second for Seungcheol to turn the toy off and your body immediately slumps forward as you catch your breath. “Ngh, d-damn it…” You grimace when you re-adjust yourself and find your panties soaking wet.

“I’m already on level 17, babe. You gotta catch up!”

You can only groan in response, flexing your clammy fingers before you try to focus on your own screen again.

kitty_junjun: oho looks like our princess is focused now

tangerine_kwan: u got this baby

j__min: show ‘em who’s boss, babygirl

You tune out the sounds of the comments and donations as you manage to get yourself to level eight without falling, but level nine proves to be just a little too hard as your character falls and Seungcheol turns the vibrator back on to its lowest setting again.

“Be careful, baby. Wouldn’t want to fall behind again would you?”

Seungcheol feels his cock throbbing in his sweats as he watches you bite your lip. And for the first time all night, he wishes that Jeongguk would just win and go home so that he could have his own private time with you.

“I’m on level 22 already. D’you think she can even catch up?” Jeongguk teases. He spares you a side glance, taking in your form slumped closer to the table as you try to fight the vibrations.

Your body was already extremely sensitive from your first orgasm and you quickly losing your confidence as you struggled to keep your character upright. If you came even just one more time, there was no way that you’d be able to beat Jeongguk with how quickly he was going through the stages.

therealchan99: she’s cumming just as quickly as JK is getting thru the stages hfdsf

gentleman_josh95: shes so cute when she cums tho

angelhan has donated $50

angelhan: thats the real prize angel

“T-thank you…” You whimper out, fingertips twitching against the keyboard and mouse as you focus your attention to the game to the best of your ability.

You manage to get to level ten with no more issues just as Jeongguk gets to level 25 and you let out an exasperated sigh as your character falls over again. “Uh oh~ I think I’m gonna win!” Jeongguk cheers; giddiness washing over him as he works to get to the end.

“Nooo~ That’s n-not, ah, fair!” Whining, you grip the mouse tighter as Seungcheol raises the setting on the toy again, watching as you rub your thighs together at the feeling.

hoshi_tiger_xx: sadly nothings fair in the gaming world babe

hoshi_tiger_xx has donated $50

dtsug__a has donated $50

dtsug__a: cute for thinkin so tho

“I don’t th--think I can, hah, c-catch up...” You moan. Your character on screen falls over one more time and all you hear is Seungcheol’s small ‘tsk’ under his breath as he sets the vibrator to the highest setting and leaves it there.

It doesn’t take long before the vibrations prove to be too much for you and you let go of the keyboard and computer mouse as your hands ball up into fists on top of the table.

The pleasure washes over you in sharp pin pricks; small whines and whimpers falling from your lips as your eyes completely clamp shut.

Jeongguk lets out a surprised noise at the way the donations and comments almost make the screen lag and for the first time, his character on screen falls over at his split second loss of focus.

“Ah, fuh--fuck!” You start to squirm once the pleasure starts to bleed into overstimulation and Seungcheol is quick to respond, “You’re gonna cum one more time as punishment for giving up, sweetheart.”

alphagyu97: ooo she's in troubleeee

gentleman_josh95: ahhh daddy still has to punish you after all

seokGENIE: damn is this what this channels abt? this is hot

artist8hao: babygirl always misbehaves

chwenon: she seems to like it too much 😏

dtsug__a: hooooo shit, thats hot

“It’s n-not my f-fault, hah, JK is j-just good at g-gaming...” You mumble.

Jeongguk manages to get to level 30 within the time you sit and grind against the toy; small noises of excitement falling from his lips as he cheers for himself!

“Aww, poor baby. Maybe you’ll focus a bit better next time, hmm?”

You nod frantically as a small tear slips down your cheek and your lips part in a breathy moan. “God, I--I’m c--cumming!”

Your body locks up, ears ringing as you cum one more time. Seungcheol wishes he could work you through it; hands massaging your skin as you take your pleasure or thrusting his cock into you as he chased his high with you.

Instead he watches from across you as your body twitches as your face contorts in unadulterated bliss, licking his lips the entire time with images of what could’ve been dancing behind his eyelids.

Jeongguk watches as the donations far surpass what the two of you made on his channel; brows disappearing into his poofy head of hair. “Wow, uh, y’all seem to really like it when she gets punished, huh?” He mutters under his breath.

“Don’t you?” Seungcheol teases.

“Truuuuue.”

A garbled moan has both of their attention on you as you try to shy away from the toy still vibrating against your overly sensitive clit. “Ah, ‘m too sen--sensitive now...” You cry.

Seungcheol turns the toy off completely as your chest heaves in deep breaths; pouting at the fact he wasn’t able to enter the camera frame to take care of you.

Jeongguk grimaces slightly at the way your body sways in tiredness next to him, unsure of what to do next now that he’d won.

“Haha, um, medic?”

#cherrybomb!cheol #seungcheol smut #scoups smut #seventeen smut #svt smut #scoups scenarios #scoups imagines #seungcheol imagines #seungcheol scenarios #seventeen scenarios #svt scenarios #seventeen imagines #svt imagines #svt fic #seventeen fic #scoups #seungcheol

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ivyuns · 3 years

Text

come back to me again ❆ ✰

kim seungmin

genre: angst, fluff

word count: 1.8k

warnings: 2018-2020 era, young hearts are broken, mentions of passing out, y/n’s leader name is yerim and other member’s name is sunni, mentions of suicide, fainting, mean comments, strict dieting, one bad word oop, the plot doesnt make sense lol i just wanted a break from landing in your heart, not proofread

notes: i had three story plots i wanted to use but uh yeah i chose this one (maybe ill post all three of them but different members oo) but listen to love again by baekyun, or the cover by minnie <3

masterlist

idol!seungmin x femidol!reader

tell me you love me like the day you did

the day it ended was on a rainy, cold day. seungmin called you to meet up with him, saying he had something to tell you. heading to the jyp building, which wasnt that far from you house.

scanning your id and greeting the staff, you go to the room seungmin was in. knocking twice, you heard a “come in” and opened the door gently. “hi minnie” you smiled at your boyfriend. seungmin waved back with a small smile on his face.

“y/n, come sit here, we need to talk”

going to where seungmin pat the spot for you to sit, he sighs. “i know this is hard, but you know how stray kids is debuting soon?” you nod, knowing where this is leading to. “i- we have to break up” he paused. “but you know i love you right? i promise id come back after three years okay baby?” holding you tears, you looked into his eyes, that are full of sadness.

trying your best to hold your tears in, you gave him one last hug. before parting different ways, seungmin kissed your lips. letting go, you put the promise ring he gave you 2 years ago on his palm and walked away. letting the tears running onto your cheeks as you walked away from the room.

with a sobbing seungmin left alone in the practice room. holding your promise ring made him feel guilty, but it wasnt his fault that he had to do this.

tell me once again, say that you love me again

packing all of seungmins stuff that was at your house and looking though them made your heart burn. from they day he asked you out after school to whenever you two last hung out with each other, which was over 2 months ago.

because now that you and seungmin auditioned to be in the same company, but with seungmin, he had a little bit more talent than you did. it didnt mean you didnt have talent, it just meant you were physically ready to become an idol. still improving, many idols were amazed at how well your singing and dancing was.

finally taping seungmins box, you went to the stray kids dorm and dropped it off and to say goodbye to the boys. deciding to switch to a new company to focus more instead of dealing with you heartbreak.

you rung the doorbell and you come face-to-face with seungmin. handing seungmin the box, you asked if it was okay to say goodbye to the boys, which made seungmin confused. where you going somewhere? ending your dreams?

seungmin moved to the side for you to come in. as seungmin closed the door, a voice was heard. “seungmo! who’s here- oh” looking up, you see minho. your eyes that was red and puffy ran more tears down as you ran up and hugged minho.

minho was in fact the one who introduced you to seungmin. accidentally falling in love with seungmin, you told minho all about it and he eventually told seungmin about your feelings towards him. seungmin, who felt the same way, made the best way to confess to you, which was a success.

minho hugged you back, caressing you back as seungmin looked down and went back to his room. “its okay love, its okay” minho shushed you as you cried into his chest. settling you two in the living room, the whole stray kids but seungmin came out of their rooms, comforting you as they all knew what happened between you and seungmin.

30 minutes passed and you decided it was time to go. giving the boys one last hug, you made sure they’ll have good luck when theyre now idols.

“just know, ill love you guys forever. thank you”

im where ive always been, i still love you

almost 2 years had gone by and you finally debuted into a three member group. with being the main vocalist and dancer. being invited to the award shows, your group gracefully posed on the red carpet, right after stray kids. accidentally locking eyes with seungmin, you almost teared up but you had to be strong.

sitting down in front of stray kids, you grew anxious as if nobody else other than stray kids and yerim knew about your past relationship. stilling having feelings for seungmin, you let them go and paid attention to the show that was now starting.

“hyung, dont you think y/n looks like shes about to pass out?” jeongin asked seungmin. after you left the dorms that day, seungmin didnt know where you were. nobody told him anything about you other than you leaving jyp. you and your group was hidden from social media until your company announced a new girl group was debuting soon.

after seungmin got the news about you, he felt so relieved, knowing that you were still here living. on the pictures online, you looked like a goddess. the way your singing was beautiful and your dancing were sharp. he was amazed at how far you came.

but when seungmin saw you in person, it looked like you were on the verge of passing out due to how thin you looked. it looked like you couldnt perform on what your condition is.

feeling unsteady, your group was the last ones to perform. getting into your costumes, you fell back slightly when yerim pushed you up. after seeing how weak your body has been acting, she was worried something might happen to you on stage. and seeing how you reacted when you saw seungmin again made her worried.

“y/n, are you sure you got this?” yerim asked. nodding your head a yes with a smile on you, you gave her a thumbs up. with the smile that hid everything. yerim nodded her head, your group was ready to perform.

among the three girls that was on the stage, seungmin only looked out for you. anxiety rising, seungmin bit his lips which changbin rubbing his back to calm down.

the end of the performance, you tried your best to stay still, but you only saw blurry vision. as you were about to get off stage, you fainted with your head hitting the floor first. gasping were loud from everyone as yerim and sunni tried to lift you up and go back to the dressing rooms.

as soon as seungmin saw everything, he stood up and tried to run towards you till he was stopped by chan. “seungmin you cant. everyone’s going to find out” “i dont care hyung, the person i love the most is hurt” seungmin said and let go of chan’s hand that was gripped around seungmins wrist.

seungmin runs through the halls and tries to find your groups room. after finding it, he gently pushes away people who are near you and gets a view of you on the couch. “s-seungmin” both sunni and yerim said together. “yerim, what happened to her” seungmin asked, skipping the honorifics since they know each other.

yerim bites her lips with glossy eyes, scared of what to tell seungmin what you’ve been doing. “yerim?! i said whats going on with y/n-” “she tried to kill herself!” seungmin pauses and tries to lets what yerim said sink into him.

“w-what? why?” seungmin asks as tears start streaming down his face, as well as sunni’s and yerim’s. “she was scared. scared that she wasnt going to be perfect to be an idol. she started getting hate comments, saying she was too fat. but this is why shes too thin. she wont listen to us when we tell her she needs to rest and to start eating. all she does is practice with no water breaks but somehow, she still hits every move right. other than that, shes scared of what youll see her like again. she still loves you seungmin, but shes scared”

“sunbae, shes not okay. she needs somebody and that somebody is you”

seungmin was stunned by what yerim and sunni told him. “can- can you two leave us for a moment. please?” seungmin asked quietly as everyone left the room. seungmin starred at your body. eyes closed with you as skinny as your bones. it scared him of how you thought so low about yourself.

he doesnt understand it. he doesnt understand how you got every moves and vocals right without anything. where you like this during your relationship? no, it couldnt. both seungmin and you promised each other that you two will never keep secrets to yourself.

seungmin silently cries to himself, thinking of why you wanted to do this to yourself as he held your hand. his tears slowly fall onto you forearms, which wipes the makeup off of your scars you created, which makes seungmin cry more.

because of you fainting, the award show was paused temporally. with this being said, stray kids got up and quickly went to you room until they were stopped by yerim. “dont, seungmins already in there” all of them nods their heads and waited outside the room with minho dropping down, hands in his face with tears as he remembers when you tried to seek help from him but he never answered because he was too busy.

don't leave me alone baby, just stay for the night baby

still holding your hand, seungmin whispers ‘i love yous’ and ‘im sorry, please forgive me’. gaining conscious, you flutter your eyes open and see seungmin in front of you.

“seungmin?”

he opens his eyes to see you awake. “bab- y/n. thank god” seungmin says and hugs you gently. tears start streaming down as you realized he probably knows everything now. “s-seungmin, did they tell you-” “yes they did. and im sorry. so fucking sorry oh my god, please dont do this again. please eat, please do what you loved to do again. i want the old y/n back, the happy one” seungmin lets out.

“okay, ill come back” you told him. seungmin wipes your tears away, as well as his and plants a kiss on your lips. “come back to me again?” nodding your head, you both smile. this time, a real and happy smile from you.

the awards continued on and your group won an award. chan offered your group if they wanted to come for dinner, you were going to decline, but yerim, sunni and seungmin forced you to, wanting you to start eating again.

heading out, the eleven of you walked to the nearest korean bbq while holding seungmin’s hand. feeling the warmth youve been missing for 2 years.

tell me your love again.

END <3

#stray kids #stray kids seungmin #seungmin angst #seungmin fluff #stray kids angst #stray kids fluff #skz angst #skz fluff #skz #jyp skz #kpop angst #kpop fluff #kpop #kim seungmin #fluff #angst

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barnesandrogersfanfics · 4 years

Text

Ocean Eyes - Part 2

It was an unusually hot day, so i pulled out Mason's kiddy pool and filled it for him to cool off in. I was sat on one of the sun loungers close by reading my book where i could still keep an eye on him.

"Mom?"

"Yeah babe?"

"Is auntie Hannah coming round soon with Lucas? Im bored"

"They should be here soon buddy" i smiled over at him.

"Okay.... im hungry"

"Fine.... i'll go get you something but you have to come out the water while i'm inside...."

"Oh mom i dont wanna get out...."

"Mace come on now...." i rolled my eyes putting my book down.

"Knock knock" i heard a very familiar voice call out from behind, i turned and stared wide eyed at none other than Scott Evans!!

"Scott.... what... what are you doing here?" I asked standing up and walking over to the back gate to let him in.

"Chris told me where you were, i had to come see you! I've missed you! You stopped replying to my messages and wouldn't take my calls...."

"Yeah i'm sorry Scott, that was a dick move" i nodded, I had been friends with the Evan's since we were kids.... best friends with Chris and Scott "i was dealing with some stuff.... guess i didn't handle it well"

"I can see that" he said looking over at Mason who was sat in the pool with his back to us as he crashed some toys around "he yours?"

"He is, thats Mason"

"Well you gonna introduce me properly??" He asked being his usual sassy self!

"Sure, come on over" i led the way over to where Mason was playing feeling my heart racing, i hadn't been this nervous in forever!

"Hey Mace? I want you to meet a friend of mine...."

Mason turned to face us and i heard Scott audibly gasp.

"This is my friend Scott"

"Hi" he said shyly looking Scott over.

"Hey bud, its nice to meet you...." Scott smiled at Mason before turning his attention to me with wide eyes as Mason carried on playing as if we wasn't there.

"Is there something you need to tell me Y/N?....."

I looked away from Scott keeping my eyes on my son, i shook my head in disbelief..... i did not expect to be having this conversation today!

"You know his a spitting image...."

"I know Scott! Im not blind" i snapped.

"But how?? I mean i know how! But...."

"Hey! Its just us...." i heard Hannah call from inside, she always let herself in.

"Hey.... oh shit"

"Hey Hannah, good to see you" Scott smiled with a little wave.

"Scott..... what a surprise..."

"Han, can you watch Mason while i go inside and talk to Scott?" I asked as i shifted nervously on the spot.

"Sure".

"Hi auntie Y/N!" Lucas said loudly as he ran past me heading to Mason.

"Hey buddy" i smiled at him as i led the way into the house with Scott following close behind.

"Okay so spill it" Scott said breaking the awkward silence between us as he pulled out a chair and sat down at the kitchen table.

"What do you already know? What did Chris tell you about us?...." i asked avoiding eye contact with him.

"Well obviously i know the two of you used to hook up occasionally.... he said he just lost contact with you when you left town"

"Wow....." i scoffed shaking my head "is your brother still an asshole?"

"Why are you calling him an asshole? I thought you guys were friends??"

"We were. Then we were more.....or at least i thought so"

"You two were serious?"

"I guess not"

"He never said anything...."

"Before he made it 'big' with the whole Captain America thing we were serious"

"How serious?"

"Serious enough to get married....."

"Im sorry WHAT???!!"

"Yep"

"How did i not know about this??? when did this happen??" he stared at me with wide eyes and his mouth hanging open as he tried to process the information.

"You remember the weekend in Vegas for my birthday, before he started filming Winter Soldier?....that one night you got food poisoning and stayed in bed..."

"You got married in Vegas?! were you both drunk??"

"Nope, stone cold sober" i shrugged "god i loved him Scott.... he was telling me he loved me and talking about starting a family..... we walked past a chapel and he asked me to marry him. Promised we'd do it properly when we got home...."

"My god...... so what happened?"

"Chris wanted to wait until he finished filming to tell everyone.... or so he said. When he came home once he was done filming he told me we had made a mistake. His career was taking off and he wouldn't have time for a wife..... he was getting a lot of attention from women, he didn't want to be tied down with me did he?"

"Did he say that?!"

"He didn't have to, he was pictured with different women all the time" i shrugged.

"What an asshole!" Scott spat sounding pissed at his brother "how could he do that to you of all people??"

I shook my head as i thought back on the time i was heartbroken.... pining for my best friend... my husband, and he had so easily forgotten about me, i quickly wiped a stray tear away before Scott could see.

"I found out i was pregnant two weeks later. I tried calling him but he never answered or returned my messages..... so i made a choice. I decided to pack up and leave, start somewhere new where i could raise my baby. I received divorce papers shortly after which i signed and returned, i didnt want anything to do with him"

"You should have called me! I wouldve talked some sense into him!"

"He didn't want me Scott let alone a baby.... he made his choice and i made mine" i smiled looking out the window at my beautiful boy "i dont regret it for a second, Mason is my world. He's my perfect little boy.... even if he does look like a spitting image of his father. Thats the hardest part.... its the eyes.... he has his eyes".

Scott was suddenly beside me pulling me into his arms and holding me tight.

"Im so sorry sweetie"

"Its fine.... it was a long time ago.... when Chris showed up here yesterday i nearly had a heart attack!" I mumbled against Scotts chest.

"I bet.... why was he here?"

"Apparently we're still married! That jackass never filed the papers! But now he's seeing someone and its getting serious he wants the option of marrying her"

"You should tell him about Mason....."

"I can't Scott, he'd hate me.... what if he tried to take Mason from me?"

"He wouldn't do that, he might want a chance to get to know his son but he wouldn't hurt you like that....."

"Can you be sure? 100% sure that he wouldn't want to take Mason?? I've seen some of his interviews about wanting kids...."

"Don't you want Mason to know his father?"

"Of course! You dont think i wanted my son to have a dad? I tried to tell him Scott but he ghosted me!"

"Look i love my brother you know that, i know what he was like a few years back, he went through a phase of being an absolute douche bag..... but his different now"

"I'll think about it okay?"

"Okay..... i'll be there for you through it all i promise"

"Thank you Scotty, god I've missed you" i smiled giving him another hug "you staying for lunch? Mason's hungry"

"Id love to".

Scotts POV

Y/N stood at the front door waving me off with Mason, my NEPHEW! I still couldn't believe it.... Chris was a Father!!

I waved to them both as i pulled away and started my drive home. 20 minutes into my journey my cell started to ring, i looked down to see it was Chris calling.

"Hey"

"Hey, what you up to?"

"Just on my way home, i went to go see Y/N"

"Oh.... h..how was she?"

"Surprised to see me, but she was good"

"Good, thats good. What did she tell you?" He sounded worried, nervous even.

"I know everything...." i huffed out a breath "how could you be so fucking stupid Chris?? you married our best friend.... our oldest friend and then left her!"

"I was such an asshole back then.... i know, but i can't change that now can i?"

"No i guess not"

"It was so good seeing her yesterday man, made me realise how much I've missed her. I was hoping we could work things out, be friends at least but.... Scott she fucking hates me!"

"Can't say i blame her....."

"Im not that guy anymore Scott" he said sadly and i knew that, id seen the change in my brother over the years.

"Try and talk to her again, maybe she just needed to get over the shock of seeing you"

"You think she'd wanna see me?"

"I have no clue, but if you want to sort things out with her your going to have to make an effort with her. Let her see your not the same asshole that left her"

"Maybe i should just leave her alone, she's been fine without me...."

"Chris..... i wasn't going to say anything but theres something you should know...."

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit @rynabarnesrogers-reading

Ocean eyes: @supraveng @michelehansel @melissaglenn5 (it wont tag you) @katiew1973 @denisemarieangelina

#chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris x reader #reader insert #steve rogers #captain america #ocean eyes

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catspinach · 3 years

Text

list of ways i have made my life 1000x easier (as a mentally ill dumbass lmfao hi)

these are probably mostly very obvious and u might have a lot of them buuuuut these are recent accommodations for me and they made me able to function so i thought id share. i just bought a new used monitor on marketplace so thats what prompted this lol

nobodys gonna read this lmfao

2 trash cans in my bedroom! 1 by my bed for when I’m sitting in bed, 1 by my desk for when I’m working at my desk (optional 3rd near door just in case)- this stopped me from just throwing trash on my floor when I cant bring myself to pick my shit up lol

2 laundry baskets! one for worn clothes that aren’t quite dirty yet, one for dirty clothes (both of them easily accessible with no opening closet doors/barriers)- I’ve pretty much stopped throwing all my clothes on the floor and now i’m physically capable of doing my laundry

an extra monitor! I have a larger monitor I just hooked up to my laptop to use dual screens- I just did this and I’m super pumped!! very easy to set up and u can use basically any cheap monitor/tv/etc as long as u have the right cords. Now I can have my online textbooks on my larger monitor (to accommodate to my shit vision lol) while still having assignments open on my laptop. man i wish i did this sooner its rly baller, just for school this is super nice bc online textbooks are so much cheaper than paper but theyre just so fucking annoying to deal w switching tabs

beeper thing idfk. Key finder? stick that shit to your phone, keys, water bottle, remote, whatever u lose often, place the beepers part somewhere in plain sight where u wont touch it (like a hook by your door)- its literally impossible to lose my keys, i am never 20min late to work anymore due to desperately trying to find my gd keys

hooks by ur door! this ones obvious and common but i put hooks on my bedroom wall and put my glasses/beeper thing whatever/keys on it immediately as i enter my room- the beeper thing is mostly as a backup for my keys bc i rly have an issue with those but I haven’t lost my glasses in so fucking long!! easy/cheap 3M hooks 10/10 recommend

lamp!! already have a ceiling light? put a lamp in ur room too, directly next to ur bed- i would be too lazy to turn off my light before bed so id literally sit on my phone for fucking hours despite being exhausted. now i keep my ceiling light off in the evening and just turn on the lamp and I dont even have to get up its so nice ahhh

alarm clock! (not on your phone) keep it by your workspace, use the alarm for timing tasks- Once i touch my phone i cant get off of it, its really a problem. Also once i start a task i dont stop and thats also sometimes a problem if i have a ton of other shit to work on as well. set alarms to interrupt hyperfocusing on tasks without having to look at your phone and completely stop being productive

shower chair! i dont have one and I dont have a physical disability but i want one so fucking bad- sometimes standing in the shower is hard, especially after a long work day or if ur hungover lmfao. now u dont have to sit on the cold floor like a fucking goblin while u shower, plus it makes washing ur feet easier lol and if anything happens where u actually genuinely need it it’s right there!

a billion water bowls for your pets! of all sizes, just put them all over- ngl i kinda suck at remembering to refill my cats water, but one of them is bound to be filled at a given time. plus it like enriches them or smth bc they have ~options~

a bin for dishes! put that shit in ur bedroom and take it downstairs once a week or so- no more dishes scattered around every surface in ur room! theyre all conveniently in one spot for u to bring to your kitchen when the bin is full

more stuff that doesnt rly fit the format idk im getting tired:

dump the tea u let get cold/water/plant-safe beverages in ur plants soil and now they have ~nutrishune~ also then u can just put ur cup in the bin i mentioned earlier without liquid spilling everywhere and possibly molding

have incense- sometimes my room is smelly bc sometimes im smelly im sorry im disgusting but smoke masks up odors rly well so nobody notices haha epic pogs

get a text to speech extension for ur browser to make it easier to read articles and actually comprehend what ur reading

have a billion pillows. pillows are nice.

have several sets of bedsheets/pillow cases so u dont have to sleep on a bare mattress if u forget to do laundry lol- also if u have a period keep it dark/patterned, and if u have pets keep it a similar color to their shed so its less noticeable

man just buy disposable masks theyre so much easier if u have glasses, ik theyre not ideal for the environment but im not abt to suffer with foggy lenses all day. i take a mask or 2 to bring home every time i see free ones at store entrances so i dont even buy them. plus u dont have to wash them u can just chuck em after a few uses

basically what im getting at is don’t conform to societies standards of living if there's other options that work better for you

#long post #shut up roach #uhhhh idk what to tag this #life hacks #neurodivergent #tips #hmm #idk even if ur neurotypical these rly slap imo

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acidmatze · 3 years

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God i wish i could live or work somewhere where there is like.. targeted support. Where someone sits down with me and we find out what is causing me issues and why and what we can do about it. Like.. "We have to put neon yellow and white tape around the doorways because Kasper is a bloody idiot and forgets they exists so he keeps slamming into them."

"If you change your appearance you have to wear a nametag or Kasper wont recognise you anymore like wtf why whats going on in his brain ugh"

"Forget the doorways, put neon tape around ALL edges in this house and door handles also be sure to put stuff back right to where it came from cuz if he opens a drawer and there are more than 5 things in ithe will think its not there even if its right in front of his fucking eyes."

and such.

I kinda wanna go to some kinda workshop for people with disabilities but the one i will most likely be put into is for people with mental illnesses Only and i dont Only have a mental illness, i also have a bunch of other shit which is affecting me more in my ability to work than my mental ilnesses. My anxiety isnt making me feel exhausted, my endless pain is. My depression isnt causing me to sit down in the bathroom for ten minutes because two people talked at once and that was Too Much I dont slam into things that suddenly appear out of nowhere (even though they have been there the entire fucking time) because of PTSD. So im almost kinda worried i will be overwhelmed even There and have people get mad at me because i cant do things like they think i should be able to. So tbh id rather go to the other place meant for people with physical and intellectual disabilities cuz over there no one would expect me to "work normal but youre sad"

#blablabla #i worked there before but like...#as a social worker person #so i know that in the latter place they DO targeted support

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hopefullyababe · 3 years

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so ive been listening to the penumbra podcast

this is a very long and rambly post so bewarned

i just finished the first season and

ohhhh my heart hurts so badly

juno and peter nureyev are IN LOVE but they CANT BE TOGETHER and it HURTS SO BAD

all while juno was narrating about how much he wanted to go off w peter nureyev i was just waiting for the moment when he said "but i cant" and it was SOUL CRUSHING when he did even though i KNEW he couldnt because his life is on mars man and hes so tied to his city and i just knew he wouldnt be able to leave but GOD it hurt

and hearing peters little "juno-" as he left was devastating

and im so so afraid that peter nureyev doesnt come back because he said he wouldnt come back to mars and

i just already miss him so so much and im so scared he wont come back :(

it feels like all my organs have been removed individually, blended up and poured back into my body

anyway- great show! highly recommend. :)

but its not all bad emotions- not at all

i love all the characters so much and juno steel is just so coooolllll

but even though he is Very Cool i can kinda tell under that hes just a little bit of a loser (i still love him though)

ive always loved detective stories and cop shows and stuff like that so i just love him so much

and hes always got a one liner for every situation and hes just so so sassy and i love him

have i mentioned i love him

and its just the COOLEST THING that he LIVES ON MARS

like!!!!! hes just out there!!!!!! in space!!!!

and i could listen to him talk about his city for hours man

when he talks about it i can feel everything ukno? its a little bit rough around the edges but it feels like home when he talks about it

like i can see the red sand and the floating mansions and feel the heat and the air and the culture and the way he talks about it id wanna protect it too ukno?

thats really cheezy now im writing it down but GOSH its the emotion i feel

and peter nureyev is also Very Cool but a little more fluid about it

like with juno it feels like his charisma is learned but with peter nureyev it feels like he was born with it

it seems like itd be very difficult to feel so authentic while living several different lies at once but MAN this dude pulls it off

and in my head hes got a bit of that wacky cecil palmer fashion but quite a bit more understated

it doesnt make sense with his job but it just makes me happy

my favorite story so far was the train from nowhere

its sooooooo cooooolllllll >^<!!

i just loved all the high stakes jumping around they did and their chemistry is just *CHEFS KISS* exquisite

my favorite part was the poker game because i just LOVE the way they cut together the lines!!

and the music in the background and the frantic narration had me on the EDGE OF MY NONEXISTANT SEAT(i was in bed :/)

like i could SEE the jazzy montage playing out so clearly

thats something i just LOVE about this show-- that somehow it just makes me SEE THINGS

like so so CLEARLY

like with tma and wtnv i see all the events in my head but i guess with tpp its the first time the aesthetic has really got me ukno?

like esspecially w train from nowhere bc this might not be completely accurate but in my head when they were playing the card game i imagined it was a biiig room with partially glass walls overlooking a bit of a hill where you could see the sun start to set as the game went on to show the passage of time and theyre in the corner

i might end up drawing it because it just appeared in my mind and i thought it was so so coooolll(even though i made it up but ukno self love and all that) but i dont think id do it justice /:(

anyway i love peter nureyev with my entire heart and i will die a slow painful death if he doesnt come back :)

im also really excited to see where they go with the second citadel

that story didnt really grab me the same way juno did (ive never really been one for fantasy or old timey knights and kings and such) but im still very interested to see what happens

i like the two “knights” and sir caroline is just <33333 and the janus beast is very entertaining

so im excited to see where that goes

anyway i really like it so far :) sorry for the longass post i just had alot on my mind after s1 and wanted to put it somewhere. gonna start the second season riiight after this post :))!

#tpp #the penumbra podcast #i literally did not readover this so im so very sorry if bits are incomprehensible #or nonsensical #or poorly phrased #OH I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT RITA #she is BABY #i guess ill just have to make a seperate post about her ;)#/j

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mollydollyjournals · 3 years

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Its Thursday 1st July and I hit post limit so all I can do is update this post

I just want to drink til i pass out

9:46pm - oh when did i post this? Doesnt matter i guess. It really annoys me that the daily post limit applies to all blogs you have. I have 2 and i follow a lot of NSF- stuff so i have so much in my queue for my other blog, and i tend to post more immediately for that so i dont end up with a massive backlog, but thaats when i hit the limit. Whatever it is. I basically just wish i could set the queue to post more often when i have more there. Just post every 15mins or whatever and it'd go through quicker without me having to do it myself

Idk it doesnt matter i guess. Im still just venting all my bullshit here that i cant put anywhere else. But now is when i need it. I want interaction and company but i dont want to bother anyone and I dont know what to do with it. I dont have it in me to try to be a person right now. Tumblr is for messy. At least thats how i do.

But once you hit post limit it apparently doesnt even let you delete stuff to post anything else. I havent been here in years really so i totally forgot. Plus it could have been different anyway. Idk. Guess i will just drink until i disintegrate or something

10:20pm - it just makes me feel worse. I know theres a reason for post limit and its not the end of the world. Just it doesnt reset til 5am and I'll be asleep by then which means for the rest of today i cant actually say anything, and that kinda fucks with my derealisation/depersonalisation/whatever it is. I need acknowledgement to feel real. I need people to remind me that i exist. Even just a little. Its stupid and insecure but i do. Everything is worse since covid and being stuck in a house with someone who barely acknowledges my existence. I feel like a ghost. I feel netter at least a little temporarily if someone just sees and acknowledges me. And currently i can't do anything about that. Nobody is going to go to my page(s) and see whats up, its not that kind of thing. Even if it was they still wouldnt. I put on my other social media fucking ages ago that i was really struggling, then i disappeared, and it took days for it to get noticed at all. Then only 3 people acknowledged it. People have their own lives and there are algorithms etc so i cant be angry at them, but the end result is i still feel really alone.

I often feel like i want to just talk to people. Only a select few. Its not that i necessarily need to talk about "deep" stuff, but i need to know that i could if i needed to. Or if we just both happened to be in that mood at the same time. Like how i dont wanna talk about something totally innocent and generic with someone who turns out to be racist or whatever.

I dont know. Maybe i do need to talk some shit through right now. Doesnt matter either way. Ill most likely just be back to this post later to say more about how i dont really feel like being alive.

10:39pm - I hate that im like this. I dont know if its reasonable or not. I used to be someone who wantes so much space. I still dont feel like i want to always be around people. I must have some individuality somewhere. But i cant find it. Since the pandemic hit especially, it just highlighted everything ive been missing and trying to supplement. I need things to change. But i dont have a hope of doing so while i feel like this. Im so lost. Ive spent my life trying to be confident in myself and ive run my reserves dry. I so rarely get any help topping up. I fucking hate the whole Strong Black Woman trope. Im tired. Ive carried my family since I was 13 and romantic partners have expected me to carry them too. I need to be held and comforted. I need support. If nothing else i need to just be acknowledged. I dont feel like a person. Im invisible and inaudible so much of the time and apparently that only changes when someone wants to see or hear me. When do i get to be a person in my own right? When does someone actually see or hear me for who i am and care about my existence regardless of what it does for them

10:54pm - its the worst of my mental health, tbh, that i dont feel like its worth trying anything if its not going to be acknowledged and welcomed by anyone else. Existing included. I feel my worst and most suicidal when i cant have anyone remember that i exist. Because maybe i dont. Maybe people dont miss me or think of me unless theyre reminded for some specific reason. And i say these things because i want to be proved wrong but why would anyone.

I want to cut. I hate this stupid post limit. I could have at least distracted myself by reblogging stuff for a bit. Im still spiralling. I need a distraction and there isnt one and there wont be one and if i even get through tonight itll just be another reminder that in the end im alone

11:24pm - something feels particularly cruel about not being able to post here, even if i delete stuff. Its just an app sure but its the closest thing i have to therapy. I came back here specifically because i was struggling posting on my regular social media and having people not pay any attention. I thought id make a fresh anonymous account where i could vent and my shitty brain couldnt take it personally if nobody acknowledged it. Now i just have all that shit going round my head and nowhere to put it. Im right back where i started. Nobody will read this. If they do they wont care. If by some chance they did they'll be put off by me being so negative.

"One day someone will hug you so tight all tour broken pieces will fit back together" yeah sure. Whatever.

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drkcnry67 · 4 years

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let us have delayed fun!

title: Let Us Have Delayed Fun

pairing: Jensen x reader

fluff 2020 sq: delayed flights

kink 2020 sq: masturbation

rating: 18+

tags: heavy flirtation, some dirty dancing type thing, discreet sexual acts in public, guy fingering girl discreetly on the dancefloor in crowd of people, guy fingering girl in a crowded elevator

summery: not telling

created for @spnfluffbingo @spnkinkbingo

fluff 2020 masterlist part 1 kink 2020 masterlist

it hadnt been very long, actually but an hour since you both had set eyes on eachother. departing at the security gate you both went to wait for your respected flights home but after an hour a storm warning delayed all the outgoing flights.

you both took your luggage and had the same idea, give the attendants your phone numbers to be alerted when the flights are ready to leave again, head to the nearest hotel and drink/dance the hours away…

this hotel just happened to be the same damn hotel (hyatt regency orlando international airport hotel) for it was just outside the hotel that you heard your name being called.

Jensen: “YN… YN wait up!”

you turned around to be face to face once more with Jensen… it was torture but it was better than being alone…

Jensen: “thank goodness i caught up to you… i have been screaming your name for the entire walk from the desk in the airport to here…”

YN: “sorry i had ear buds in… let me guess your flight got delayed too..?”

jensen: “yes it did, how bout to save money we share a room… it would be a whole hell of a lot less boring…”

YN: “why not but we need to go dancing, i am gonna go stir crazy if i dont fall to a beat…”

Jensen: “it will happen, but first i think we need to get into something hot and sexy to blend in at the club…”

you nod as Jensen with his suitcase comes beside you and your suitcase both of you walking into the hotel.

desk personal: “can i help you?”

Jensen: “yes we would like to check in, our flights got delayed…”

Desk personal: “i will need a name to charge the room under as well a card to charge it too…”

Jensen with his dashing smile pulled out his wallet and took out one of his cards.

Jensen: “name is Jensen Ackles. and ill charge this to Visa please. and make sure the room is non smoking with a balcony.”

Desk Personal: “of course mr Ackles. please tap when your ready and one of you will need to sign this agreement its just a standard agreement saying you wont destroy the rooms or anything like that…”

You looked at Jensen and then you took the pen and signed the paper…

YN: “we are just smart enough to wait somewhere comfortable till this storm passes… however long it takes… we dont care…”

Desk personal: “ah yes well storms usually last about 2-3 days depending on the level of the storm. it will be a while so yes you both are very smart in waiting someplace comfortable. now here is your room key you are in room 405 enjoy your stay and welcome to the Hyatt regency Orlando international airport hotel.”

you take the room key and shove it in the corner of your bra so you can take your suitcase in one hand while Jensen take your hand with his free hand. he keeps eyeing you, like he wants to jump you right then right there.

Jensen: “you know if you wear something with easy access you and i will have some fun on the dancefloor. some very heated decreet fun..”

he flashed you another one of his charming smiles. this made your knees feel week. both of you got into the elevator pushing the button to go to the floor to go to your room.

YN: “there is a club down the road calld Noches Azul, i hear its a popular and amazing place for those who like to move with the beat of their own drum.”

Jensen: “then we shall dress to the appropriate color too… ladies first.”

he says as the elevator doors opened. you walked out first and started down the hall slowly till Jensen stepped off the elevator then it was fair game you turned and blew him a kiss before taking off down the hall.

Jensen dropped his luggage beside yours in front of your door and pursured you, when he caught you he picked you up bridal style before reaching in to grab the key card out of your bra with his teeth.

then using your free hand you slid it in the door Jensen used his elbow to push the door open. he carried you placing you on the bed placing ferverous kisses all over your body.

this continued for several moments before you both pulled back and smiled.

YN: “if we dont get off of this bed we wont make it dancing… we want to have some discreet fun dont we?”

Jensen groaned at you, but of course he knew you were right…

Jensen: “your right. so what are you wearing tonight?”

YN: “stay right here and ill show you…”

you go into the other room away from Jensen’s view and you put on the little blue dress you had found at the airport. it just happened to fit the bill… once the dress was on you put all your stuff nice-ishly back where it was.

YN: “Jensen play Sexy Back… i want to see your reaction to me in this dress with this song.”

you listen for the start of the song, it starts and you wait for the bridge, where you begin to move slowly then you began to move into view along the wall when the chorus started.

as you continued to move your body on the corner of the wall you watched Jensen’s eyes not leave your form. you could see the lust in his eye, you could see the way his lips curled and the way he licked his lips. it turned you on so bad.

Jensen: “when did you pick this little number up?”

YN: “at the airport after i passed security, i went to grab a snack and came out with this dress. what do you think?”

Jensen: “i love it, it is exactly what will help this night to go smoothly. as well as it just looks smashing on you.”

Jensen had already stopped the song, you continued to stand against the wall, but Jensen figured he had to find something hot for himself to wear. you waited paitently for him to come back wearing the navy shirt along with some Jeans.

you let out a whistle for that shirt brought out his features very well. you had your leather jacket on the couch near by, Jensen had his in hand as well, you handed him your id to keep in his wallet along with the key card.

in moments you were off walking through the small area to the club. where you both would dance and dance till your hearts content or till you both felt so hot and heavy that it would be beneficial if you were anywhere but there.

arriving you both showd your id and were let inside. you both checked your jackets and Jensen stuck the check stubs in his wallet. you both went straight to the dance floor. you were glued to Jensen like a dirty shirt.

no one would dare to mess with either of you. finding a nice darkish spot on the dancefloor private enough for some “secret” fun.

both of you now taking part in the music, the beat coursing through your forms, your shared forms blending not missing a single beat no one around you paid any attention.

under the dimest spotlight there was, you and Jensen now stood making yourselves as comfortable as could be. the beat taking over, the feeling of Jensen’s hands roaming your body, this made your pussy very very wet.

Jensen(whispering in your ear): “grind my fingers baby keep dancing.”

you did as commanded, you were so wet and had orgasmed 5 times by the time the song was done. thats when Jensen pulled his fingers back again before you could orgasm again, he once more leaned down to whisper.

Jensen (whispering): “squirt for me baby!”

Jensen once more dipped his fingers hard into your soaking wet pussy. the silent moans, the rest of the club clueless as fuck and the feeling of Jensen’s fingers diving deeper and deeper into your pussy.

your body kept moving trying to contain any signs that you were discreetly being masturbated by a man you have only known for a month. this was your normal, this felt right in more ways than one.

Jensen had been there for you from the first day you met him. till now you had been completely alone, no man had entered your life long enough to even have your first kiss, long enough to ever make it as far as you had with Jensen. to be feeling these feelings made you wonder if he felt it to.

truth was he was completely feeling the same thing you were this was how you first swiruted, this was the man you knew was to be your present as well as your future.

in that moment you didnt care, you knew eventually your flights would take you both home seperately and probably your paths would never cross again. but in this moment it felt like heaven on earth.

Jensen hit one sweet spot and you squirted, discreetly you and Jensen giggling and smiling walked out of that club as fast as possible remembering to grab your coats on the way out.

arriving outside the club and walking back to the hotel you both laughed, for it was to be destiny that would give you both the biggest surprise ever.

arriving back at the hotel you both stumble up to the room, shutting the door again ending up in eachothers arms on the bed, the clothes you guys had been wearing were now all over the floor, and both of you were now cuddled in bed having just done sex for what felt like the millionth time during this entire trip.

reality started to sink in when the phone calls came in 6 hours later, this was when it sunk in. both of you looked at the clock it read 3:30am this was the time that the delay was no more. this was when you were both disturbed to get up get repacked and get ready for your flights home.

Jensen: “ill never forget the time we spent together. i left you something in your suitcase. you will find it and know what it means when the time comes. i also took down your address and phone number ill be sending you little things to show you i havent forgotten.”

YN: “i feel the same way but once we leave here, why would you waste time on a non celeb like me. i mean sure maybe our friends set us up but we wont know that till we confront them. i should have said this sooner but before i get on this plane there is something you should know. i think i have fallen for you. but i know not what to think at this moment. i took down your number as well, please understand that i may not communicate right away but thats cause i have a best friend whose anxiously awaiting my return home.”

Jensen: “same here, but please let me know when you do arrive home. i would like to know you arrived safely.”

Jensen helped you once more by helping you with your bags as he walked by your side to the airport and up to the check in once more to get your updated tickets and then it was time to part once more in such sweet sorrow.

you and jensen let go of your bags and hugged it out once more before parting to your respected gates. but you whispered in his ear when you hugged him.

YN: “i will let you know when im back on home soil. i will always remember your touch.”

Jensen and you parted and went on your way. arriving home you sent Jensen a text.

YN (texting Jensen): “hey Jensen its YN. i am back on home soil and i already miss your embrace. i am heading to baggage to collect my luggage, then to meet my best friend in the lobby. home hasnt changed. let me know when you land and what your seeing too. ill look forward to being in more correspondance with you soon <3″

you grabbed your bag and went down the escalator straight into the arms of your best friend. you broke down as soon as you hit her embrace. she just stood there hugging you not caring that either of you were in public, you both stood there as you cried.

Beth: “what happened girl?”

YN: “long story short the trip was amazing, but i fear i have fallen in love with someone i might never seen again. i missed you.”

Beth: “come on lets get you out of here and back home.”

you both exited the airport and went back home. later when you were alone you looked at your phone and saw a messgae from jensen.

Jensen (via text): “hey beautiful i made it home to, i know how you feel, it feels weird to be home again. my best friend is waiting i just grabbed my luggage. i hope everything goes well. till we speak again. i miss you too <3″

that was the message that sent you into a suspended sleep your bestie crawled into bed after she was done her work. she didnt care that you were passed out. she was just happy that you were home.

Jensen had a similar greeting from his best friend and returned home to his large and half empty bed also falling into a suspended sleep all he could think about was you.

*to be continued*

#spnfluffbingo #spnkinkbingo

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bunnyriviere · 3 years

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my god i cant get my head out of this mess so imma rant, then MAYBE i can focus on my assignment like damn babe i thought your passion is stats, why are you obsessing over a guy that doesnt care enough. huh? care about stats instead babe!!!!!! i just want to only have to care about maths but i know my life is ruined if i dont have relationships, so i try. but i must suck at it so bad if everything just ends in flame like this, im so tired im teary eyes.

im on my phone and honestly dont know how to do the uh line to cut short the post so if anybody unfortunately see this im sr :(

this is not even about a romantic relationship, i dont even know why i just couldnt like a person like that but damn fine. this is about a male friend i made in grade 11 i guess. i have never liked men. im afraid of them and dont want to have to interact with them ever. i know its bad and i should change but i just really want them away from me im sorry..... so i wasnt even friendly with him, but i was polite, i know how to be a decent person. he was friendly and nice and friends to all which only made me think aw geez just stop being friendly i know this is not because you like me. but i was eating the snack he brought to class anytime he brought it without much thought cause he offered i aint gonna say no. all the while still not consider him a friend. not until a friend said im not being nice if im eating his food while still not seeing him as a friend. and i have always feel bad about not being friendlier towards men in general and he made the 1st move which made it easier for me to just go along. so i did and thats how we became friends.

hes really nice and i mean it. i think really highly of him. maybe its just me having bad luck so i havent met many that are nice?? i really believe they are just myth tbh, im about to settle for that thought. and this guy is really how i wish is the standard for all men. hes just that good, i have no complain. i truly like him and glad that my friend said something cause otherwise we probably wouldnt be friends.

again no romantic feeling. i just have to, remind the invisible audiences of this post i guess.

now we all know covid. and because of it, i couldnt come home and wanted to lay in bed even more than normal. so i didnt push for it when he said he couldnt meet anybody in the summer because he didnt want to accidently give somebody it. just saying that cause this is a 2 ways road right, nothing is ever only his fault, its also mine. i want to rant about my feelings but i dont want to dismiss any mistakes i made yk. so we didnt meet up then.

christmas came and before then we were talking about christmas gift and i didnt wanna any so i didnt prepare anything also. this person is too nice and i dont want him to feel bad. but anw i just thought maybe we can still meet up even if its not for gift exchanging. but i didnt ask or anything at all cause well, hes from here, he has family and friends that are definitely closer to him, and he had work. i know hes busy and if he wanna hang out he know where to find me. i just dont want to accidentally add something more onto his list of to do. he would be too nice to say no. and we are not that close i dont want to add more work for him. i dont have relatives or friends here other than him so im free anytime if he wanted to meet up. but that didnt happen, i dont think we talked at all. which fine i hate to admit but i was hurt. ugh hate showing how vulnerable i am. yuck. yikes. -100/10.

i just didnt think about it? i didnt try to reach out either so that was my fault too but just, if he didnt care then i wont either. so i really didnt think about him anymore.

came reading week! it really was 1 year from the last time i saw him honestly. he asked to meet up and if i want to go somewhere and tbh no im in the countryside rn is that the corect word so there are no place to go. but i remembered this 2ndhand place i like to go sometimes and i hadnt gone in a while so why not. so we agreed on that. and i know he was probably just tired, and there are people who sigh a lot, its not uncommon. but not seeing him for a long while and knowing this is a place i suggested, him doing that really made me feel bad. i probably shouldnt, but couldnt get the thought that he was probably doing this just because hes friendly not because hes friend with me. it fucking sucked. when we got out and he dropped me back at my home i still felt so bad he didnt get to enjoy himself so i asked if we could watch jojo together. yeah he loves jojo. i dont really care for anime im so sr i prefer realing manga lmao sr.

now ok maybe im still being dumb, probably. but tldr i truly believe people can be friends and affectionate even when they are from opposite sex. it didnt work out so well cause i got molested lmao cause some other guy thought that was cool to do. so that honestly worsen my uh wariness of men. but like i said, i think ive said it, i trust this person. honestly i do, we hug a lot and i had never felt afraid of it. i believe he wont do anything. im just really comfortable around him. so we cuddled while watching anime, that had happened before im really sr if you think thats wrong, i still believe that could happen.

but maybe its because i was tense from thinking he really didnt enjoy hanging out with me that much. i kept connecting remembering what the molester did and while i just knew i swear i knew he wouldnt do anything like that, i couldnt get it out of my head. i felt bad for that but there were just 2 things that happened so similar to what happened with the molester. haizz he kinda laced our fingers together but it wasnt handholding, same thing happened once before with m-dude and it felt weird but i didnt want to question that friendship so i didnt. and at some point of jojo i kinda jumped and he held me back, not pulled me back or anything but was holding me in place, and it was probably to make me feel safe but honestly if anybody even use a little bit of force i will just think of when i finally got the courage to turn around to confront the other dude for touching me, he held me back and i couldnt move at all. i think i froze a bit.

argh back to the main story. see how i totally suck? hahaha just blaming this friend for something somebody else did. im so sorry, i suck.

well after that we picked up talking again but idk! was it me overthinking? was it? because it felt like he didnt want to talk to me at all. it was, how to say it. he was friendly yes he talked hmm. damn how-- it felt like he didnt care for what i said. its a feeling idk how to put into words. and that sucks. he didnt seem interested in me before, felt happy enough when we cuddled, then back to being uninterested. i knew i know he doesnt want me romantically. damnit am i only good now for hugs. are we friends? what i meant is not sex but am i only good for physical stuff? i dont fucking know, the m-dude obviously just want a fwb and i was to trusting to notice. is this my gut feeling or my anxiety idk!

another side story. another guy suddenly expressed interested in me right when covid hit but it was because he couldnt get over his ex so i stopped talking to him for a while and picked it back up when i thought he was no longer idk being annoying about it. i thought he had to at least like me as a person to even express he liked me romantically. but apparently not. he looked so uniterested suddenly and denied when i asked, then stopped reading my texts.

so you see. i just cant if haiz ok do- do anybody like me? just as a person? idk.

god i knew i fucking suck for being so sensitive and anxious and im sr for wanting stuff but maybe i want you to look like you care a bit when i said you are reminding me of the m-dude, instead of saying ok we can talk less then. i already felt like you dont want to talk to me, you dont have to say that...

officially crying heyho.

just saying no you dont dont like talking to me when your actions were saying the opposite is not cutting it either... i also thought highly of the covid confession guy too but what happened now. im sorry for comparing you to others! but i learn from experiences... and this was sus... (yah its a joke i cant help it.)

and if i just agreed and stopped talking to him right it just, felt like a confirmation that yeah its true hes just letting me hug him not because im his friend and he knows i like hugs so he lets me. but its more like its convenient that a girl is hugging him so he wont say no. something like that. that sucks. thats all im good for. if i were his friend, it would include the talking too.

ah!! i know we are not close, we are both casual friend. he is definitely not on my top list to tell stuff to but damn i still like him enough to hurt. and to not asking for too much.

so anw i kept talking with the anxiety that never got solved and that made me frustrated and i picked at his insecurity to made him hate me enough to stop talking to me cause i couldnt bring myself to stop, id feel so bad. this is really toxic and i admit this is not the first time ive done it, to a different person but its the same thing.

hahaha act like i hate him while just want him to see how i feel so bad. yeah im a tsundere.

it worked so i stopped talking to him for a week and focused on talking to my other friends. friends i know without a doubt love me and want me because i really didnt feel that with him at all. sorry i know you were tired with covid.

that made me felt better and i was not in panic mode anymore, i can calmly assess things now. and before, i felt bad because i truly believed i was just seeing things, i couldnt see pass my anxiety and was blaming him for what, nothing. he did want to talk to me. but my mind was clearer after that one week and yeah i cant really make more excuses? yes i was sensitive and made things worse, but there must be something for me to pick up first. it didnt just come out of thin air.

so i sent him some texts saying that, because just leaving without a word is bad communication. i have to tell him and at least give him a chance to change i guess? did he need change? im doubting myself.

i- hm he just said yeah his look and way of talking really make him look like hes tired and uninterested, and laughed at my marie kondo joke. you know the one. idk! all i saw in that was yeah thats how it is, accept it. and i-- i, cant? i dont want to... i dont want to :(

but my mindset for just about anything is value the process, not the result, like as long as you put work in! thats great! and he- he was, talking... he put work in..... i would feel so bad to deny it. but at the same time, it was not enough... i hate! to say you need to do at least this and that! but it didnt feel like enough..... im sorry :(((( i am.

ive talked about my tendency to lash out. last time i didnt want it but i had to get away quick so i didnt mean it but i still did it. but this time i was truly angry. because i just wished there was more care for me but i know that was all there was, and i couldnt do anything about it. couldnt even ignore him. he was even drier then, and i got it, i lashed out at him, ofc he wasnt going to be friendly. but just why were you trying so hard... no, no it was not trying hard, you were answering texts at the speed of once every 2 days. why were you answering at all? you clearly didnt want to. but again so was i. did i really have a say.

so i sent angry texts at him. about how fake his friendliness was, did he really consider me friend, why did he keep saying no it was not that he was uninterested while it was obvious that he was. also that i want to fight him. i really do want to. hopefully he will beat me up hard enough that i can be in a coma and die in 9 months idk. (listen 9 months is enough time to make a new human, if im not awake by then, you need to let me go, thats my wish.)

he said that no he doesnt like to fight and thats the last text i got from him.

because ofc i dont hate him him, the whole him idk what im saying. just angry and hate that hes not matching me on how we value this relationship i guess. not besties like how he likes to joke, but eh, was hoping more than what i was sensing. i still sent a text being like ok fine do you still want to talk and if so how do you want me to do. but he didnt answer it in time so i decided for him that nah we wont talk anymore.

heyho i was sad, i am sad. and ok hear me out, HEAR ME, i dont use tarot for future but just for my feelings and how to deal with them, and my deck said ok babe this is the end, you will have to move on now. so i will.

tbh lmao for every relationships that i emotionally invested in. i always make an essay on my feelings because thats how i conclude things, and so i wont forget that my feelings are legit. so the moment i started this post, hes dead to me i guess.

wow this post is long. but i did really like him so.

im moving to uni city next month but i know he will leave in the summer so i wont have to worry about seeing him then. and probably not further in the future either, we go to different uni and are quite far away and our common are not gonna question things i dont think. dont think they would even notice, we are not in a group or anything. and even if i do end up meeting him. my feelings while was anger, but it stemmed from sadness and disappointment so it wouldnt be too bad. on the other hand... m-dude..... i am afraid of meeting you, lets please please please not meet damnit.

#xxxpauline

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if-the-crown-fits-translate-it · 3 years

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Discord pt 97

[Date: 19/03, 05:26 AM GMT - 19/03, 06:01 AM GMT]

[CW: Gun mention]

Little-K1ng: “alright yall, just got home, did maxwell and marcus stop fighting?? i kinda dipped to head to work when they started up...

maxwell? marcus? you guys still up? ....is fetch home yet?”

Maxwell: “Uhhhh....”

Little-K1ng: “oh hi max !!”

Maxwell: “I’m up Marcus is asleep again and fetch got stuck

He said some guys started chasing him and threatened him so he ran and hid in a gas station....”

Little-K1ng: “OH NO

is he okay???

does he need picked up???? is that why he mentioned a gun earlier?????

where is he???????????”

Maxwell: “Yeah we checked he said he’s only got a couple scraps”

Little-K1ng: “oh good okay phew alright

ill catch my breath in a second, as long as hes alright”

Maxwell: “He only said he was at a gas station and the lady there helped him, they’re letting him stay the night...”

Little-K1ng: “letting him stay the night.... okay

good

hes got somewhere warm with food, thats nice”

Maxwell: “Uh...some stuff happened when you left...”

Little-K1ng: “that puts me at ease

oh?

i know you guys were fighting”

Maxwell: “It...might be best to wake up Marcus to help explain...”

Little-K1ng: “oh. okay i can. i can get him up”

Maxwell: “Oh yeah also one thing”

Little-K1ng: “?”

Maxwell: “Before you do it”

Little-K1ng: “yes?”

Maxwell: “Dont...don’t mind the flowers”

Little-K1ng: “th- hhhhhh

hhhuhhh,,,the uh

the flowers

is that

what i think

you mean”

Maxwell: “Yeeeeeah.....”

Little-K1ng: “o-ookay, , ,, ill uh. ill keep calm about it

i wont make a fuss i wont worry him about it

marcus? hey? wake up buddy

Marcus. hey”

Maxwell: “Wake up shithead /lh”

Marcus: “...huh?”

Little-K1ng: “hey wake up, im home”

Marcus: “oh, welcome h..ome”

Little-K1ng: “hey marcus..... morning haha... at uh. the middle of the night

heard theres some stuff you guys wanted to talk about?”

Maxwell: “You doing okay man? You feel asleep not long after....she left”

Marcus: “..wha..?

..oh”

Little-K1ng: “after i left? wow you werent up for long”

Maxwell: “....I’ll get the ice water it’ll wake em up”

Marcus: “no nonono I’m awake”

[Little-K1ng: “after i left? wow you werent up for long”]

Maxwell: “No no...not you”

Little-K1ng: “n..not me?”

Maxwell: “Uh baroness literally walked into the house”

Marcus: “....

..yeah”

Little-K1ng: “shheeeeee WHAt”

Marcus: “ow”

Little-K1ng: “sorry”

Marcus: “Loud noises, just woke up

mona please”

Maxwell: “me and marcus were talking after we made up and she just walked in”

Little-K1ng: “why would she....”

Marcus: “.....to talk to us

About uhh

Taking care of the flowers? Or something”

Maxwell: “yeah cause we cut mine”

Little-K1ng: “ah, to comment on the uh..

yeah those

hm”

Maxwell: “yeah....also she kept calling us viscount and page”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “oh, of course. she sees you as family

and targets”

Maxwell: “I threatened to bite her

and punch her”

Little-K1ng: “oh nice one !!

...dont actually though”

Maxwell: “i didnt...”

Marcus: “..you definitely wanted to”

Little-K1ng: “so uh.... how did that fight sort out between you two? what was it about?”

Maxwell: “but uh marcus started blooming during our argument...before baroness came in and after you left”

Marcus: “........”

Little-K1ng: “if... if you dont mind me asking

oh no”

[Maxwell: “but uh marcus started blooming during our argument...before baroness came in and after you left”]

Little-K1ng: “max, you saw it?”

Marcus: “i-it’s fine Mona”

Little-K1ng: “marcus, are you okay? do you need anything to numb it?”

Marcus: “It doesn’t even hurt”

Little-K1ng: “it-... it doesnt hurt?”

Marcus: “I honestly didn’t know it happened until Max...”

Little-K1ng: “dont lie to me”

Marcus: “I’m not! I wouldn’t!”

Maxwell: “thats the thing, even baroness said it shouldn't hurt”

Little-K1ng: “i really dont want you to lie to me, marcus. i dont know if i could handle that

she said that?”

Maxwell: “or rather it wouldn't hurt if we accepted it....”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “she of all people, ha

if it

oh”

Marcus: “.....”

Little-K1ng: “oh... oh marcus..”

Maxwell: “it would make sense....as to why it hurts me and fetch so much and why...it didnt hurt marcus...”

Marcus: “...I don’t like being sad”

Little-K1ng: “i understand, marcus. i dont begrudge you”

Maxwell: “yeah we....talked and uh cried...a lot, there were many tears”

Marcus: “...thanks Mona”

Little-K1ng: “oh no...... do you feel better?

crying helps

i..... i dont know what to say...

all that.... because she just.... walked in, huh”

Marcus: “We”

Maxwell: “it was before she came in”

Marcus: “We were fighting before she got here”

Maxwell: “after you left

she came in once we stopped crying”

Little-K1ng: “oh i know, i left when it started i just......i didnt think she would just... i... uh.. nevermind”

Marcus: “We made up before she got here”

[Little-K1ng: “oh i know, i left when it started i just......i didnt think she would just... i... uh.. nevermind”]

Marcus: “..huh?

Little-K1ng: “well i just...

i.... i thought about...

i dont know how to put this”

Marcus: “..Mona

Spit it out”

Maxwell: “marcus....”

Marcus: “What?”

Little-K1ng: “i uh..... knew she kind of would........ do something like that?? in... a way?? i suppose i.... i..”

Marcus: “She’s keeping something from us!

You what”

Little-K1ng: “i had... i had a feeling

but i!! look, i...”

Maxwell: “yo calm down marcus!”

Little-K1ng: “i thought she would at least be subtle”

Marcus: “I am calm”

Maxwell: “no you aint”

Marcus: “Mona”

Little-K1ng: “yknow, prowling around in the night going through my sock drawer or something.... not like.... not like that”

Marcus: “You left max vulnerable to her

at night??”

Maxwell: “it's not your fault mona”

Little-K1ng: “look. i!!! i just !!!”

Maxwell: “Marcus”

Marcus: “Did you leave the door unlocked overnight?”

Little-K1ng: “no i...!! i just... i

i didnt want... i”

Maxwell: “if she did it was for fetch!”

Marcus: “he knows how to knock”

[Maxwell: “if she did it was for fetch!”]

Little-K1ng: “hhh... y hhyeah .. ..”

[Marcus: “he knows how to knock”]

Maxwell: “not f we're all asleep

Little-K1ng: “i was.... hhh.. i was worried if he.. if he came home late,, and i didnt hear him,,”

Marcus: “He can knock loudly”

Little-K1ng: “he wouldnt come back

i didnt think ...”

Maxwell: “actually dont think i havent noticed you havent been sleeping at night marcus

everytime i wake up youre awake”

Marcus: “....”

Maxwell: “i go to sleep you're awake

I WAKE UP FROM A NIGHTMARE AND YOU'RE AWAKE”

Little-K1ng: “but.... hes not? hes always asleep when i see him...”

Maxwell: “during the day

you dont sleep at night do you....”

Marcus: “...no, I don’t

Mona

If you thought I was asleep at night

You left the door unlocked knowing that Crown and Baroness were staking us out”

Little-K1ng: “i........

Marcus: “with no one to stop them

...to your knowledge”

Little-K1ng: “i... i didnt think....”

Marcus: “I can see that”

Little-K1ng: “i just thought she would........ do what she was just... already... already doing.....

she was already finding her way in....... snooping through my important stashes...

i really... i rr ea lll y... didnt t hhi nk it wouldd have.e..

been that .... big of a dde a l”

Maxwell: “marcus it isn't her fucking fault”

Marcus: “....no nonono Mona wait no

No nonono please don’t cry

I didn’t

I’m sorry”

Little-K1ng: “i caan nt... i can t beliv e... it wwa ss my f a u lt....”

Maxwell: “....oh no....”

Marcus: “no Mona no”

Little-K1ng: “no no non ono non o no you're right you're right you're right”

Maxwell: “no no no mona hes not”

Marcus: “No I’m wrong Mona I’m wrong

mona please”

Little-K1ng: “it was my fault it was all my fault i ll e f t the ufck ing DOOR UNLOCKED what was i THINKING

I DID IT ON PURPOSE OH MY GOD.....”

Marcus: “-!

Maxwell: “It's not your fault”

Marcus: “mona Im so sorry I didn’t mean it I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry”

Little-K1ng: “no i did i didnt even give it a second thought i-... i knew she would come in, i could even see her outside watching me leave it unlocked

i just.... didnt care. i forgot to care”

Marcus: “I was just upsetthisiswhyihatenegativeemotionsalltheyeverdoishurtpeople”

Little-K1ng: “i fucking DIDNT CARE im so sorry....

i ,.....”

Marcus: “mona Im sorry”

Little-K1ng: “no... i ..... marcus.... your laurel.. would it have... would it have sprouted if i hadnt...?”

Marcus: “...it would have”

Little-K1ng: “i left you two alone in the middle of a fight.... and did nothing”

Marcus: “It didn’t sprout because of Baroness

Mona im so sorry”

Little-K1ng: “i left you two unguarded all night........ and didnt care

no no dont apologize i did this i did it on my own im just....”

Marcus: “we were guarded Mona it’s okay”

Little-K1ng: “you WERENT”

Marcus: “I stay up all night

....I guess

I guess I’m not the best guard though, all things considered”

Little-K1ng: “i didnt know that!!!! i was FULLY PREPARED to leave you both to THE COURT”

Maxwell: “humans arent supposed to be nocturnal”

Marcus: “Heh”

Little-K1ng: “for fuckin DOGBOY TANTRUM ASS

and....[hic] and.... the worst paart??”

Maxwell: “you were worried about fetch i honestly would have done the same”

Little-K1ng: “i.... im not ss oorry .. i dont ffe el like i dd id anytyhing wr ong”

Marcus: “You didnt do anything wrong

I’m so sorry for implying otherwise”

Little-K1ng: “i DID. dont LIE TO ME MARCUS.

but!!! i just!!!!”

Marcus: “I-”

Little-K1ng: “i would do it again. with no hesitation

Marcus: “.....im not lying....”

Little-K1ng: “i was planning to do it again TONIGHT marcus!!!”

Marcus: “..im sorry”

Maxwell: “look some times people do bad things I've done bad shit”

Marcus: “I promise I’m not lying please im sorry”

[Maxwell: “look some times people do bad things I've done bad shit”]

Little-K1ng: “MAXWELL. WHERE AM I RIGHT NOW

IM HERE. AT HOME. IM NOT CURRENT;LY DRIVING TO THE GAS STATION. TO PICK UP FETCH

THE GUY I LEFT YOU TO DIE FOR”

Maxwell: “he wouldnt want you to”

Marcus: “you didn’t leave us to die”

Maxwell: “we can defend ourselves”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “the way i know you? the way i know the court? you may as well be dead when you're them”

Marcus: “..oh

...I see”

Little-K1ng: “i have until tomorrow with you and i dont even have the honest guarantee that ill be left here to grieve, or forced to join you”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “....whats that face for?”

Marcus: “...I’m sorry that my preferred self isn’t good enough for you”

Maxwell: “god how i wish marigolds could help mental wounds”

Little-K1ng: “..........i........

.....marcus...

wait... i...

what... am i doing?

why am i yelling?

i dont do that

i just... im so used to running away from my problems. why am i so angry?

who am i even angry at?

its not even you. its not even me, i dont really feel bad

im not mad at fetch, im rarely mad at crown

what the fuck”

Marcus: “...”

#on:discord #by:maxwell #by:marcus #if the crown fits

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legion1993 · 4 years

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Let us have Delayed Fun