#but its less 'dont you dare hurt him or ill kill you' and more 'dont lose him - if yous dinne get married ill never be happy again'

[tavtarnish]

Soaps sister(s) gives Ghost the shovel talk

Mrs MacTavish gives Soap the shovel talk

#but its less 'dont you dare hurt him or ill kill you' and more 'dont lose him - if yous dinne get married ill never be happy again' #ofc shes being dramatic - she wants whas best for Soap at the end of the day - but she adores simon #and while she doesnt say it (until shes sure Simon isnt going anywhere) shed knew shed never like another partner of johnnys like him #ghostsoap #soapghost #im just #im really in need of simon being a part of th MacTavish family now #ghoap

[spicysoftsweet]

im sorry if it's too much but my heart is wrenching, i just read your hisoka cheating part 2, i dont know if its possible but can u do a part 3? i understand if you cant, ill just continue it in my head 😭

He’s a bastard, but so is the reader hahahahaha!

part 1 here / part 2 here

---

You leapt into the arena but you were too late.

Instead, time seemed to slow to a screeching halt, as you were suspended in midair, unable to reach him in time before the detonation went off. You could barely see his body through the wall of human flesh preventing his escape before the explosive force sent you flying back into the bleachers, crashing into the countless bodies that littered the arena’s perimeter.

There was no way in hell he could have survived that.

Hisoka…

You rose from the rubble frantically, ignoring the pain coursing through your entire body from the impact of your fall, and ran back towards the epicenter of the blast.

“___!” You could hear Machi yell your name from a distance, as you threw chunks of arena flooring and heavy debris to uncover Hisoka’s remains, if there were any. You knew what you were doing was akin to betraying the troupe, but you gave it not a single second thought. 

As you continued to dig, tears streamed down your cheeks to highlight your hysteria. You knew you were being stupid, and you couldn’t help it. Hisoka didn’t love you, Chrollo did. But yet…

You didn’t notice Chrollo approaching slowly, hands comfortably shoved in his pockets, watching you declare your true heart by your actions. You couldn’t see the sadness in his eyes… but you and he both knew. He had always known - he was a master manipulator after all. He could read you like a book even before this very moment, where you were wearing your heart on your sleeve.

“Should we do something?” Shalnark whispered to Chrollo. Chrollo said nothing for a moment, then let out a sigh, motioning to Machi and Kotorpi who had also approached.

“I have something to do,” he told Machi. “Take care of this,” he entrusted, his voice drained of any obvious emotion and once Machi nodded understanding, he went on his way. Watching you cry over Hisoka was too much, even for him.

Machi gave you a mildly exasperated but somewhat understanding look as she sidestepped the chunks of rubble you were still throwing haphazardly behind you as you searched desperately for Hisoka. You finally uncovered his body, and as your eyes settled on his disfigurement - burnt off nose and lips, the missing fingers of his left hand, and the right below-the-knee amputation - you could feel your heart breaking. 

You knelt beside his body, frozen in place and unsure of what to do next for the next few moments without disruption. Shalnark and Kortopi continued to watch on standby as Machi eventually decided you had had enough time to mourn and restrained you with Nen threads.

“It’s not worth it,” Machi said, in a soft but stern voice as she tightened the threads to pull your arms behind you. You wouldn’t have struggled against her anyway, the fight had been drained out of you. Still sobbing silently, you closed your eyes as Machi knelt around the other side of his body to inspect the corpse.

“I’ll stitch him up, then I’ll come along,” Machi stated aloud without looking at you or the other two Troupe members. Shalnark and Kotorpi exchanged a look of confusion, then shrugged.

“Do you want us to take her with us?” Shalnark asked, pointing to you, still staring absentmindedly at the ground before you, tears streaming down your cheeks.

“I’ll take care of everything,” Machi said, quickly, giving you a glance. You weren’t a threat… not in this state, at least.

Once Shalnark and Kotorpi were off, Machi got to work quietly, her eyes flitting up to you once in a while. 

“I warned him, but he didn’t listen,” she said, finally, her voice now less soft but accusatory. “I knew you didn’t care about him.” Him meaning Chrollo, evidently.

You said nothing, your distress overshadowing the guilt you felt. 

“You hurt Chrollo. It takes him a lot to trust, and you threw that way with no regards for him,” she continued.

“I-I…”

Before you could come up with a lame excuse, you and Machi were startled by a sudden surge of Nen coming from Hisoka’s body, and stared in shock as Hisoka’s body started to twitch, and then finally, he let out a loud cough before he sprang back to life before your very eyes.

“Hisoka!” you exclaimed, in awe, as he jumped to his feet, as though he was surprised himself by the fact that he had come back to life.

He looked around to see you, and his eyes trailed off and then he faced Machi.

“Was I… really just dead right now?” He asked her, looking at his hands. 

“Dead as disco,” Machi said, flatly, crossing her arms again, trying to hide her own mild relief. He let out a laugh, not taking the whole situation seriously himself. As he continued to speak to Machi only, pretending you weren’t there, it set in just how stupid you were.

He still didn’t care. You were as significant as a fly on the wall, even though you’d just risked your life and your future for him. Now you were going to be labeled as a traitor, and he wouldn’t give you the time of day. 

As he used his Texture Surprise to hide his extensive wounds, you got to your feet, your arms still bound to your side by Machi’s threads, and walked off.

“____,” he said, finally addressing you. “Where are you going, kitten?” 

You stopped in your tracks. Kitten, that’s what he called you when he used to love you. 

When you turned around to face you, he was back to his old, handsome self, and he smiled at you, a twinkle in his eyes.

“I always knew you were mine,” he said, in a smaller voice than usual. Machi took a look between you and him, then walked over to you.

“If you don’t need me anymore, ___ and I are leaving,” she said, the Nen threads that bound you and connected to her glinting under the building’s fluorescent light. “Next time, pick your battles better,” she said flippantly, turning her back on him.

“You’re right, Machi~. This time, I will make very sure my opponents can’t decide who it is or where they’ll have to fight,” he said, and suddenly right by you, restraining her from the back with Bungee Gum. 

“I’m talking about the Spiders,” he whispered in her ear. Machi threw you a glance immediately and released her Nen threads, knowing that she was trapped and would need your help to prevent Hisoka from cutting her down. 

“___!”

Your arms sprang free, but instead of striking Hisoka, you were shaken by the idea of injuring him again, after you’d literally just seen him die. 

You froze in place.

“___, what the fuck are you waiting for?!” Machi yelled, now at you, as Hisoka smiled, and took a step back.

 “___ and I will be leaving first,” he said, as he leisurely walked over to you and placed a hand on your shoulder, while looking towards Machi with a devilish smile. “Would you pass this along to all the spiders for me? From now on, no matter where they go or whoever they’re with, I won’t stop until I’ve killed them all~”

With that declaration, on top of your betrayal, the severity of which worsening with every second, Machi was now enraged, cursing and screaming, losing composure as you had never seen before.

��DON’T YOU DARE FUCK AROUND WITH ME! I’LL KILL YOU MYSELF THIS VERY INSTANT!” She spat at Hisoka.

“AND YOU! YOU STUPID, TRAITOROUS BITCH!  YOU BETTER COUNT YOUR DAYS!”

Your stomach was flipping over and over again the more Machi yelled expletives in your direction. 

You had betrayed them after all the love Chrollo had given you, Machi’s begrudging acceptance and care, and the hard-earned respect of the rest of the troupe. 

But then you looked up at Hisoka, whose hand had traveled from the soft touch on your shoulder, and down your arm to hold your hand. He smiled back, and you remembered how much you missed him.

You were going to regret this decision sooner or later. But for now, it felt right, and you squeezed his hand back.

“I missed you,” you whispered, as the two of you left the Phantom Troupe behind, together.

#hisoka x reader #hisoka #hisoka being a bastard #bad decisions

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

my annotations for chappy 11 of ysijwa

this is just for drea and leyla to read so if you're not drea or leyla pls keep scrolling :)

ok this is pretty chaotic and like i said earlier i treated this ike a wattpad comment section so... have fun ig :)

SHERLOCK AND WATSON CINEMATIC UNIVERSE SHUT UPPPPP I LOVE YOU SM DREA

NOT MISS SNAP CRACKLE POP

jealous y/n you say???

now i know why you ignored all my tiktok asks lmao

HELPLESS OH MY GOD

truly madly deeply intended :)

damn he's kind of a narcissist yk? like "I have to be serious my entire family depends on it" shut up mr darcy you're not special

devout in his religion hmmmmmm hopefully we see some more religious trauma content bc me too vampy

awww he wants kids but now he cant have them bc hes... dead :(

AWWW his sister taught him to knit :( if he doesn't knit bloodbag a sweater i swear to god

stuffy moron is correct

"IT'S A FUCKING WONDER HE EVER GOT LAID" OIJRIOJWEIOJIEWOJFIOEJOF

"THE ATROCITY THAT IS BEING ACQUAINTED WITH NIALL AND HIS HORRIBLE AFFINITY FOR CHEAP FLANEL" ORJFOIJFEIOWJ YOURE SUCH A POET

he's so dumb she was with him bc he's hot that much should be obvious to him🙄

FOOLISHLY HOPELESSLY UNMEASURABLY IN LOVE HWAT THE FUCK DREA IM SAD

i love that he remembers the spinal cord dislocation and the dead leaves . like yea im dead rn but the leaves in my hair are really what's bothering me the most

what the fuck is a maw

ok i looked it up i get it now

"attachment is for gullible idiots" yup and youre one of them vampy 😌

"the warmest skin his icy fingers had ever had the good fortune to touch" im so soft rn

oh so now she has "a wholesome beauty about her nature" ? i thought she was just cute enough 🤨

HE THINKS HER SMILE COULD RESTART HIS HEART THATS SO CUTE IM OUHOIJFOEWIJFIOEWJ

"the responsibility of keeping her safe, satisfied, and happy" how 🥺 🥺🥺

"as long as he breathes" i thought he didn't breathe lmao BUT I GET THE SENTIMENT

"always when it comes to her" IM SCREAMING RN THIS IS SO SOFT I CANT

ill never forgive him for being so dense either his brain is basically a rock

HE WANTED TO COMMUNICATE THAT HE BELONGED TO HER IM GONNA HAVE A STROKE

couldnt be me i dont want to be percieved

HE ADDED A FUCKING BUTTERFLY AFTER THE DISCO BALLS IM OIWFJIOEWJFIOEJIOEWNOJIWJ(*H(WUIOFJIOEWJFIOWHVIFUEH)U)($UT

HEY a hamilton obsession is not childish😤

'the only person who was allowed to touch him there was y/n' he's like a little kid who's possessive omggggggg

oh this reminds me i rlly hope everything in that chest was new and had never been used on anyone else owijfowiejfioewj

oh please my irish king can control himself let y/n meet the other vamps🙄

"if they knew all along why did it take so long" yk im wondering the same thing dummy

"every day was a battle to earn her love and affection" wtffff how could she hurt him like that he is just a baby

i think he needs therapy tbh

yes he does deserve to be treated with respect and dignity😤

"supporting and tolerating them despite your differences" exactly unless they're a republican

IM SORRY THAT WAS MEAN OIWFJOIWJFEIOw i said what i said tho

they did everything backwards but it's what baby needed🥺

im literally gonna 🔪 bradley how dare he hurt my favorite ribeye like that

PROPER BOYFRIEND-GIRLFRIEND BONDING PLSSSSS im sure he makes sure to say stuff like "as your boyfriend' or 'since youre my girlfriend' all the time now

"everything that has to do with harry has always and will always make her feel safe and secure" ...who's gonna tell her👀

HE BECOMES CLINGY IVE BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS ONE TURN IT UP

awwww my love language is also quality times bestiesssssss

(this is more serious you might want to change the words to nose kisses or something because esk*mo is a slur)

HE wants to be wrapped in HER arms and get forehead kissies like a little baby🥺🥺

i can tell you wrote this chappy bc leyla would never write about ice cream

IF CHRIST CAN GET A DATE MARKER SO CAN HARRY OIFJOEIWJFIOEWJFWI PLSSSSSSSSSS I LOVE HIM

ALWAYS FOR HER WEJFIOJWEIOFJEWIOFJOIEWJFOIEWJF HES SO IN LOOOOOVE

HE DID IT AND IM SO PROUD OF HIM🥺

omg i have a thot imagine if she got a heart murmur or something and obvi he knows bc he can hear it so now he has to find a way to make her get it checked out out without being suspicious 😭

HE ROCKS HER TO CALM HER DOWN WHEN SHES HAVING NIGHTMARES IJFEOWIJFOIWEFJ

“nearly blinds himself for eternity” what a drama queen i love him

maybe learn how to turn your brightness down grandpa

“can women sense emotional distress” why is this so funny oiewfjwieojfioewj

DEHUMANIZING OWEIJOIAJAKLFSDJLKSDJFKLD

not a psychotic episode 😭😭

crippling mommy issues woejfkljdklsjsdf me too king

awwwww he made her a full buffet i would cry

matchy socks im gonna sob

king is a chef 😌

y/n’s head @ harry’s clavicle rn: 💥

“his plush chest” drea its ok you can say titties

“absolutely flawless”? are you sure shes not just cute enough 🤨

he got her oat milk 🥺the sign of true love

hes such a shithead i love him

SPELLING HIS NAM E ON HER TUMMY IM HAVING ANOTHER STROKE

“I DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE YOU ALL ALONE” HES SO WOIFJSJFSDKJKLSDJF

HE DIDNT HAVE TO DO NIALL LIKE THAT 😭😭

RAPUNZEL HAIR OSIDJSKJKLSJF

she traces a tiny heart on him wtfffffffffff im sad

this… is hot

“theres no room on the counter” owifjlksjfslkfjklsj

HE WOULD WALK THROUGH FIRE FOR HER maybe then he’d be a little less cold

im sorry that was wrong of me lisjfskldjfwoiejewiojrei

OH MY GOD OWEIJFKLJSKLFJL SHES SO BOLD “can’t i?” OSIJFKSLJLKJF

oh boy hes gonna kill her

I WONDERED WHEN THE YOURE HOT WHEN YOURE MEAN THING WAS GOING TO COME UP

literally shut the fuck up mr english major

do it bestie kick him in the balls

SPARE BOOBIES MAAM I CNAT BELIEVE YOU aCTUALLY WROTE THAT OWIFEJWIJEKLJFOIEWHOEWIFEHFLKEWJFKLEWJKLJFL

IM WHITE IM ALLERGIC TO SPICE WEJFLKJFKLEJFLKJSKLJKFSJD

“character development at its finest” what a self aware king

y/n stop being mean to him baby just wants to feel close ☹️

“I’m anemic” ok king whatever u say

“ME AND MY CHRONIC ILLNESS IM SENSITIVE” IJFKLSDJFKLJSDKLJ

ahhhhhhh it’s yoga time

“just ask your cervix” jlksdjflksdjflkdsjflk

“if only you knew” ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

yeah y/n isnt like those other girls 🤪 shes different 🤪

yes bestie objectify him

THERE IT IS MY FAVORITE LINE IN THIS ENTRIE BOOK

PERHAPS MY FAVORITE LINE IN ANY BOOK EVER

“He hasn't been this stiff since rigor mortis”

i think about this on a daily basis i truly do

grey shorts? what a slut

“call the lapd im pressing charges” me after walking up the stairs

OH SO THIS IS WHERE THE GREYS ANATOMY CHARACTERS FROM THE SPOILERS WITHOUT CONTEXT COME IN

him using his shirt as a towel im BARKING

“I wasnt jealous” yea ok 😃

AGAIN HIM DRAWING HIS INITIALS ON HER SKIN THATS SO WOIJFSKLDJFLSJ

yeah harold she just wanted a little kiss 😤

yeah 😃 its bc he ran track 😃

no bc thats so fucking cute that she pretended she had never seen the show before bc he was excited to introduce her to it 🥺

I would do the same tbh i feel like it would be fun to wash dishes with harry idk why

“that skank” oisjksldfjklsjfklsdjflkd

YOUR THICK SKULL COULD DAMAGE THE MARBLE LSKFJKLDSJKFLSDJFKLSJFKLSJKLSJLDKFJLSKDJF I WOULD CRY

he gets her a cup of water 🥺

ok but like wouldn't she want to wash her hair after it got all sweaty at yoga

awwwww she got his toothbrush ready for him why am i so soft rn

memory foam mattresses sound nice but actually they kind of suck bc you sink down and feel trapped in them 😃

HE WATCHED THE TIKTOK SHE SENT HIM IM HAVING A THIRD STROKE

niall is probably on the dumbest side of tiktok idek what side but it’s probably annoying and he thinks it’s hilarious

noooo baby youre not a monster🥺 someone give him a hug rn

well actually you are kind of a monster but its ok we still love u bestie

I too run on caffeine and pizza pockets 😌

TONSIL HOCKEY WHAT THE FUCK OIEJFLSDKJFKLSDJFLSJLKFJSDKLFJ

chatsnap hes such an old man 😭

true lmao if you dont have social media i immediately dont trust you

not the i just washed my hands tiktok 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

HE FEELS STRANGELY PERCIEVED RN KJFLSJFLKSDJ IDK WHY THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME BUT IM LIKE LEGIT LAUGHING

DO IT BESTIE BITE HIM CHOMP CHOMP

“my eyes are stinging” hes such a baby 😭

“MY SIGH”TS ALL FUZZY” SJFKDSLJFLKDSJFLKDSJFLK

“are you all right” “I dont know :(’ i cant handle this my face hurts from smiling lksjflkjafklj

he has a kitchenaid stand mixer omg thats so sexy

ok but has anyone ever gotten salmonella from raw cookie dough bc i think thats just a myth

fuck u for that one vampy

wow he could never deal with my chronically ill ass

WAIT IS IT WAP

NOPE ITS BETTER LSDFJSDKLFJDS

I agree body is absolutely an instrumental masterpiece

I KNEW HE KNOWS SOME TIKTOK DANCES I KNEW IT

“I know youre kinda into that (getting smacked in the face)” SHUT UPPPPPPP SKJFSKDLJFDS

NOT HIM TWERKING SLKFJSDKLFJDSKLFJDSKL

YES YN GET THAT VIDEO AND BLACKMAIL HIM

“I think i popped something” ok old man 😭

why is the word wench so funny lkfjslkfjdslkfjsdlkfj

dont hand it over i want to see him snap

OH SHIT HE JUST JUMPED THE TABLE LSDFJSDKLFJLKDNMNXCMNJKHOIUIOEUR

oooooooooooo

OH MY GOD AGAIN SHE REALLY IS BOLD SLKDFJDSKLFJLSKDJFLKJFS

not guerrilla warfare 😭😭😭😭

do it bestie give him a concussion he deserves it

“no piece of art could ever compare to her” 🥺🥺

“remember that time you told me making out was childish” “no” i hate him 😭

THERE IT IS AGAIN “sex isnt the only way he can feel close to someone anymore” SHUT THE FUCK UP IM SOBBING

this reminds me of the dehydrated intercourse with demonrry

“don’t care, relationships are about sharing’ hes so sdjfksldjfklsjf

DO IT BESTIE KICK HIS KNEECAPS IN

suing disney for false advertisement 😭

THIS SCENE IS KILLING ME LKJFKLSJFLDSJ “just pucker your lips over it” “You have actual brain damage, dont you?” DREA I LOVE YOU KSDJFLDSKJFLKSDJ

how do those bubbles taste babe

ok drea wtf i was so happy and now this??????

“everything’s wrong” NO SHUT UP SHUT UP ITS HAPPY HOURS

not the boob privileges 😭

WAIT THIS IS FROM THE BSE MV ISNT IT “dance is just so hot rn” “depressing shades are just so hot rn”

NOT HIM GETTING ALL STUTTERY WHEN HE ASKS HER IF SHE WANTS A DRAWER 🥺

NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN THIS GENTLE WITH HIM BEFORE WTFFFFFFFF IM CRYING

“youre so fucking cute, my baby” me when i see literally any picture of him

JELLO HAS a STRONGER BACKBONE THAN THIS KSFJSDKLFJDSKLFJ

“betrayed. objectified. taken advantage of. used. “ i hate him sm 😭😭

OH MY GOD IS SHE GONNA SHAVE HIS FACE THATS SO CUTE IM

SHE ISsSSSSS IM SQUEALING

stop him worrying she’ll think it's weird and wont want to do it 🥺

“bold of you to assume id ever be convicted” PLS DREA LAKFJDKSLFJ

“the more you talk, the more appealing manslaughter sounds” I CHOKED DLSKFJDSKLFJDKSJFDSKLJ

HIM WHISTLING TO GET HER ATTENTION WHY IS THAT SO CUTE

Im sorry but its really funny to me how you wrote the sentence “wrong metal, he thinks ironically” … get it ? like IRONically lkfjdslkfj im sorry i’ll show myself out

“this boy?” what a fucking cutie i want to kick him

I forgot what a bop helpless is thanks for reminding me im gonna go listen to the entire soundtrack again-

theyre so fucking cute i hate them

so yea bascally this is the best thing ive ever read and i love you so much and my face hurts from smiling :)))

#annotations #ysijwa

[katsukikitten]

Ice bath

A/N this is my first Todoroki one shot. So hopefully it is to my Katsudaddy standards. Enjoy!

You dodge a fiery explosion a second too late, the explosion burns your left arm harshly as you grit your teeth.

Katsuki really wasn't holding back today as you roll to dodge another. You swallow your nervousness as hesitation will get you killed, still your eyes shift to Aizawa Sensei wondering why he's paired you with one of the top three fighters in class.

Hell, you were struggling to stay top three of the bottom let alone fight someone who was more than capable of being a pro hero by strength alone.

You're waiting to use your quirk at just the right time as it takes more than half of your energy for just one shift.

You were a late bloomer and hadn't found out you were a shape shifter until middle school and by complete accident!

So much so that you shifted into your crush midsentence while talking to your best friend.

It was only when your voice deepened to his did you realize, screaming and scaring yourself back to normal.

You dodge another explosion, snaking to the left before you decide now is the time to strike.

You will your body to change, holding back your scream as your body broke it's own bones, ripped its own muscles just to rearrange themselves again.

Your mentor said the pain would go away the more you used your power but you had your doubts as the pain still rang through your bones as four powerful paws hit the floor.

You snarl a feral growl, earning a smirk from Katsuki. His blood red eyes dance over your new form, black fur and all.

You slink towards him, feeling the rush of power as you waft his sweat, the adrenaline in his veins smelling temptingly sweet but he lacks fear.

You're not sure he knows fear even as he stares down 300 pounds of pure muscle.

You lunge and he dances around your attacks, barely dodging as your sharp claws slice through air and when they miss they marr the stained gym floor, splintering the wood in deep grooves.

Frustrated from not catching your prey you begin to lose count of the ticking minutes that have rushed by but Bakugou has not.

He's watched you, as he's watched everyone for their weakness and he knows you can only hold a form for roughly eight minutes and he knows you only have five seconds left.

5

You pounce, ready to use this black pather's body to your full advantage with all the ill intent to fuck Bakugou's hero suit up at the very least.

4

You slowly come down to your target.

3

Right paw raised.

2

Claws extracted to full length ready to slice through cloth and flesh alike.

1

Your body twists and contours to normal. Your body still mirroring how the big cat's body language as you fall into Bakugou's trap.

The ash blonde has a shit eating grin as he holds his hand to you palm out.

His sweat ignites threatening to swallow you whole, all you can do now is protect your face as you prepare yourself for a point blank blast and pray to Kamisama you still have enough of the panther's blood flowing in your veins to land on your feet.

That is until the blast never comes and nether does the gym floor.

Instead you're met with a strong arm holding you agaisnt him as if you weigh nothing and his right arm outstretched, frosted fingers glinting in the harsh gym lights.

His eyes are ever cool, frozen even as his icy gaze settles on a glaring hot head through an astonishing amount of ice.

"You should go easy on Y/N." His normal even tone has a slight darkness to it, causing your heart to race before it jumps to your throat in shame, "She doesn't quite have her quirk down yet."

Your face burns hotter than any flame Todoroki can produce as the lump in your throat thickens.

His heterochromatic eyes glance to you in his arms, flashing with emotion so quickly that you do not catch it.

Cannot catch it as your vision begins to blur from the horror of your current situation.

All you had managed to do was get burned by Bakugou's explosion and the words of your crush.

"Ah...Th..thank you Todoroki-sama. I appreciate the help." You fake your best smile as you fight to keep the tears at bay. Pushing against his toned chest lightly to which he easily releases you.

Eyes colder than Castillo are glued to you, clouded with confusion as they watch your form shrink into the girl's locker room.

"Tch, you always make her cry, Icy Hot" Bakugou growls, "Even when you know she fucking likes you."

"She what?" Shouto inquires, dark tone saved only for this arrogant blonde that dares to char her pleasantly smooth skin.

"You're so fucking dense." Katsuki hisses as he places his hands behind his head before walking to the boys locker room.

Days pass by and you avoid Todoroki like a mule does Monday.

Whenever the gorgeous blood red and fresh snow haired boy would approach you would make an about face move, shoving your way past people to steer clear of your normal study sessions with him. Always missing his crest fallen face as you meld into the sea of bodies that flood the hall.

But what should it matter that he was feeling something other than his deeply embedded apathy?

After all he only thinks of you as the weak and stupid little girl.

Why else would he have offered to help you study in the first place?

You were nothing but a charity case. A good mark for his application to a pro hero agency.

Nothing less and *never* anything more.

At least Bakugou didn't hold back on you and he always criticized your fighting but that was all to help you.

He was right you'd never make it as a pro hero if you didn't practice with someone at full speed.

So to a fiery hot head's, and icy gaze's, surprise you approached Bakugou after the final bell, cheeks burning with blush.

"Um excuse me Bakugou-sama." Todoroki's gut clenches at the honorific, sama, really, that brute?

"Whaddya want ya damn extra? You're gonna make me late to practice." He snarls as he looms over you, glaring with an intensity that you cannot meet.

"Ah..about that." You blush furiously, "I was wondering if you could maybe....help me?"

Your voice squeaks at the end and Bakugou reacts oddly. His body goes rigid for a moment before a smirk flashes on his face.

All the while the wood from the chairs in the back of the class room groan from the rapid temperature change of scalding to freezing.

You shiver when you finally meet Bakugou's gaze, he leans closer his face inches from yours.

"That's if you can even fucking keep up." His smile is too wide as it seems to curl from ear to ear in unsettling malice.

You nod furiously.

"I can." You declare as heterochromatic eyes burn into your skin.

For weeks Bakugou pushes you past your limits daily as you train with him and the results are amazing.

You can hold your form over twenty minutes, almost tripling your original time limit and the pain from shifting has subsided greatly.

You hold your knees and huff as Bakugou calls out rapidly what to change into and how long to hold it.

"Cat, five minutes."

"Mouse, four minutes."

"Aizawa Sensei remainder of your limit." He barks like a drill sergeant though he too is drenched in sweat from his own training.

"People are a bit harder, I need see them a lot." Your protest is met with a scalding gaze.

"Do you not sit in the front fucking row? The seat right in front of his lecturn?" He asks darkly before tossing you a water bottle.

"Yes."

"Yes what?" He pulls his shirt up to wipe the sweat from his face as he speaks, revealing and that would give Adonis envy.

You swallow desire.

"Yes, sir." You blush, liking the dominance that Katsuki exudes, "But Katsuki-sama I avoid looking at Sensei. He makes me nervous."

Bakugou looks at you with even eyes before giving them a slight roll.

Unbelievable how shy you are.

"Then why dont you shift into someone you look at most often." He grunts, stretching his arms above his head, the hem of his shirt rides up and you hope to get another glance at his sculpted body.

"Like you, sir?" You blush again heart pounding and you wonder if you have always been this flippant about your feelings. Scarlet orbs flick over your shoulder unbeknownst to you catching an icy set of eyes staring before he smirks wildly.

"Yea, like me." He almost purrs and you half melt.

You shift, bones cracking and growing to accommodate your new stature before Bakugou Katsuki is staring at his own shit eating grin.

You mimic his scowl perfectly and he laughs.

"Damn I look mean." He says before becoming serious, "Sixteen minutes and when your muscles start to scream I want you to speak in an even tone. No matter how much it hurts."

You nod as he jumps to grab onto the overhanging bar, pulling himself up effortlessly.

Time feels as if it slows, your muscles scream to shift to something, anything else as they can no longer keep this form. You force yourself to focus on the feeling in your chest.

The one that makes your heart skip a beat and your stomach flutter with anticipation.

"Y/N how ya feeling?" He taunts back still to you as he some how has the endurance to continue his regime.

"Fucking great, you pleb." You growl in his voice and he drops to his feet. Coming closer to inspect you, his nearness has you nervous as he approaches. His gaze fixated on a point behind you before he begins checking details, his eyes narrow.

"My eyes are red." He comments, he fingers your hair, "And my hair is always spiked up. You're shifting."

"I'm not." But your voice is no longer his fiery hot tone, it is even, cool, somebody else's. Someone's who you've hadn't heard in quite sometime, someone's who's voice still had your heart racing.

Bakugou seems to shrink an inch shorter as your perspective changes, body temperature cooling and yet heating as red and white bangs fall into view.

All the while Katsuki wears a small smile of triumph.

Your body heats too much, you've pushed yourself too much as you overthink why you would be turning into him of all people and of all times.

Your body rapidly changes from Todoroki to Katsuki to mouse to cat. All in a vicious cycle and you scream in pain as your body finally withers back to it's own form. Hair damp with sweat and plastered onto your steaming body.

Face paled as a cool hand is placed on the nap of your neck, your limp body is pulled to a cool surface. You sigh and let your vision fade in and out.

"What did I tell you?!" A snap of heated dark emotion, "You push too hard!"

"Tch. I pushed enough. She's strong she just thinks too much. She's the one who couldn't decide whether she wanted you or me." Katsuki's tone is harsh, "Had you more faith in her than maybe she would have asked you to train instead of me. "

"Quit standing there dumbass. She's gonna need an ice bath." He snaps as you finally drift beneath conciousness. Snuggling into the cool body that you're pressed against.

"How are we?!" Todoroki is alarmed, shielding you from blood red eyes. That roll so hard one would think he was having a seizure.

"You put her fully clothed in the tub." Katsuki stalks into the dorms. Todoroki stares down at your flushed form, his own cheeks dusting with shame as he wonders how many times he has upset you with his callousness.

He cannot help his frozen heart that you've seemed to melt.

He cannot help that he wasn't raised as a child only sharpened like a weapon.

Bakugou has the cold bath water running by the time Todoroki enters the small room.

"Alright icy hot, add some ice cubes in there and set her in."

"I'm not like the dispenser on the fucking fridge." He bites, small explosions skitter on Bakugou's skin. After he exhales through his nose he answers.

"Yea yea. Same damn thing." As Todoroki eases her into a slightly frosted bath. His brow furrows with concern as Katsuki sucks his teeth.

"She'll be fucking fine. She'll be awake in five minutes, don't let her drown." He says ducking out the door, "And d on't fuck it up this time."

He wonders how many times Bakugou has pushed you to this point and how many times he's held you to his body.

How many times you've snuggled into his chest with such a small smile on content like you had with him.

He seethes but watches you carefully.

He cannot believe he is going to even think it but maybe Bakugou was right.

Maybe if he had believed in your abilities a bit more you wouldn't have turned to a drill sergeant that makes you say yes sir or yes Katsuki-sama.

You should only be that submissive for him.

"Shouto." You murmur and two toned eyes flick to you to see you still sleeping.

He grips onto your head, heart heavy with guilt and worry.

He sighs and counts the minutes.

Sure enough your eyes begin to flutter as you come too.

Cheeks somehow flushing even in the ice cold bath as you pull yourself into a sitting position. Covering your breasts as if they were exposed causing a deep rage to settle in his chest.

"Ahh Todoroki. I...I...where is Bakugou-sama?"

His eyes freeze over and you jerk back, long moments of silence stretch between you.

"Has he seen you naked before?"

"Wha...what?" Your heart hammers into your chest and a shiver runs along your spine.

"Has that vile Bakugou Katsuki stolen a look at your heavenly form?" His tone some how darker, colder as steam leaves his lips. Part of his body begins to freeze while the other begins to ignite.

"N...no!" Your teeth chatter now as this is the time Bakugou would normally drain the cold bath and leave you to a scalding hot one.

"No what?" Todoroki bites out, harsher than Bakugou has ever asked. Still you automatically answer after having been trained.

"No sir." You slap your hand over your mouth, embarrased that that reaction was so normal. Todoroki smiles a cruel smile.

"Just no sir?" His eyes meet yours, as he comes closer with his warm hand. He presses it to your cheek, thumb tracing over your blue lips restoring their color slowly, "If you answer right I might just heat your bath for you. Or I can warm you up in other ways if you'd like."

Your core burns suddenly at the closeness of him, of his tone and words. A shudder runs through you as you're somehow drawn closer to him, mouth parting to kiss, but he pushes your face back gently. Thumb pulling at your bottom lip.

"N...no Todoroki-sama. No one has seen me naked before." You blush at the thought of anyone seeing you so vulnerable.

"Good because this..." He moves his heated hand slowly down your body. Sliding too damn slow down your cheek, throat, down your sternum, over your stomach and stopping in the water betwern your legs, you let a small moan slip from your lips. The water becomes steaming hot but the bath is not what has you panting. He's hardly touched you and you two haven't even spoken in a month or so and yet here you are a needy mess just for him.

"Is all mine and mine alone." He removes his hand from the water, sure to let his fingers slide over your inner thigh before standing, leaving you with thoughts for only him in mind.

@my-todoroki-academia since you picked icy hot bae let me know your thoughts 😊

#todoroki shōto #todoroki shouto #bnha todoroki #todoroki x reader #bnha shoto #todoroki shoto x reader #todoroki shoto #bnha #bnha bakugou #bnha katsuki #bnha kacchan #bnha imagines #bnha imagine

[mattygraygubler]

our campus: chapter 4 (tom holland fanfic)

summary: frat!tom and reader go to the same college and y/n is tasked with being his tutor, they don’t really get along at first (because i love reader and tom hating each other trope)

warnings: none ?????

word count: 2.1k

a/n: so many texts and so much dialogue fuckin kill me also texts are bold

for a list of characters click here

to be added to the tag list send me an ask !

masterlist

✰✰✰✰✰

“I don’t know what you did to get her to give you a second chance, but I need to warn you.” Ally said. Tom turned to look at her, they had only ever spoken when necessary for theater stuff. 

“Warn me?” He asked. 

“Y/N can make your life either very, very good or very, very bad. She has most of the professors in this school wrapped around her pinky. And she doesn’t make it obvious, but she’s the smartest person I’ve ever met. She can really help you if you let her.”

“Well, thanks.” He said awkwardly and turned back to his stuff. 

“One more thing.” Ally said. Tom turned again and raised his eyebrows. “Don’t you dare catch feelings.” “Seriously? No need to worry about that.” Ally scoffed. 

“I’m serious, Tom. Don’t. She doesn’t need that right now.” 

“Yeah, fine, I get it.” He said. 

“Alright guys let’s get started.” Gigi said, signaling rehearsal was about to start. 

* * * 

It was finally Friday, and your phone was blowing up as you walked to the library. Class had gotten out late, so you were walking as fast as possible so you wouldn’t be late to your meeting with Tom. 

Al

if Y/N is ok with it its fine with me

Iz

i still dont know how i feel about this

Em 

pretty pretty please guys i really like this guy and he really wants me to go

You

what are we talking about i was in class

Al

harrison invited em and all of us to the delt party tonight

Iz

and i said we shouldnt go bc of what happened

plus isnt tom a delt? wouldnt that be a bit awk?

You

honestly i couldnt care less. after the week ive had im gonna too blacked to even realize where we are

Em

lets take it to a vote

aye

Al

aye 

Iz

nay

You

im abstaining

Em

the ayes have it! delt BABEEEYYYY

ill have harrison put us all on the list

You 

glad we got that sorted ill see u guys at mine at 8

You walked into the library, checking your watch and seeing it was 4:02. You bit your lip. Hopefully he didn’t give you any crap for being late. 

You walked quickly into hlab, and you knew you looked like a crazy person. Your bag was falling off your shoulder, you had a coffee in your hand and your water bottle tucked under your arm, and your phone in your other hand. 

You scanned the room and saw Tom sitting across from Max, both of them had books out. 

“Hi,” you said breathlessly. Max slid over a seat so you could sit across from Tom. “So sorry I’m late, crazy day.” 

“No worries dar-” You heard him start to say darling, but stopped himself. “No worries. It’s only 2 minutes after.” 

“How long have you been waiting?” You asked.

“Max and I have been hanging out for a while, not a big deal.” 

“Speaking of, I’m on alc duty for tonight so I better go.” Max said, did his stupid handshake with Tom, and walked out. 

Hlab was almost empty except for some freshman. Most people don’t like studying on a Friday, who could blame them?

“So I got a copy of your lectures from this week. What do you want to start with?”

“I don’t care.” 

“Ok, what is currently confusing you the most?” He thought for a second before saying “Astronomy.” You nodded. 

“Great, grab your notes and your textbook.” He pulled out a notebook and his laptop, opening the online textbook. You pulled out your laptop and a pen and highlighter. 

“May I?” You asked and pulled his notebook to your side. You went through his notes, circling certain things with the pen and highlighting others. 

“These are really good, Tom. I like how you put question marks next to things that confused you.” He laughed. 

“Do I get a gold star?” He joked. You rolled your eyes. 

“So phases of the moon.” You started. 

“Wait a second,” he said after you had been talking for a while. “You’re telling me that the moon doesn’t actually, like, change?” 

“It’s all shadows.” You replied. He nodded and seemed to finally be getting it. 

“The phases will most definitely be on your next lab, which isn’t open note, so make sure you memorize them.” You said. “Let’s move onto stats.” He groaned. “What?” You asked. 

“Statistics is so stupid. Letters and numbers shouldn’t go together.” You rolled your eyes. 

“Stats is easy, I promise you. This is the first unit, all we’re doing is descriptive statistics and graphing. Let’s start with some vocab.” You said, highlighting certain words in his notes. 

Once you could see his brain was about to explode, you moved onto writing. 

“There’s not much to talk about, just email me your most recent paper so I can go through it and look for themes we need to discuss.” 

‘“Themes?” He asked. 

“You know, on going issues that need to be addressed.” He nodded and emailed you his paper, which you would read tomorrow. You heard your phone buzz and took a quick glance. 

Em

al dont be upset

Al

then dont give me a reason to get upset

what is it

Em

……….. It’s themed

Al

are you kidding? were not freshmen, i dont wanna go to a stupid themed frat party

Em

its blackout !!!! itll be fun i promise

You turned your phone back down and didn’t realize you had an upset look on your face. 

“Everything ok?” He asked. 

“Just arguing in the group chat.” 

“Do you need to go?” He asked. 

“No, no, just arguing about tonight.” 

“What’s tonight?” 

“Tonight is not related to political conflict, which is what we should be talking about.” He laughed. 

“Do you ever have fun?” 

“Excuse me?” 

“I’m serious, do you ever have fun, or do you just go to sleep surrounded by planners and textbooks.” 

“That’s not funny. There’s a lot more about me that you don’t know.” 

“Clearly.” 

“So we’re starting off with socioeconomic issues over time and the class strugle. Did you read the Marx chapters?” 

“Yup. Didn’t understand a word of it.” 

“Ok, let’s get into it.” You said and began rambling about the bourgeoisie and the communist manifesto. Politics was your favorite subject, you could talk about it for hours. 

You were having a really good discussion with Tom. It was global political conflict, and he was able to connect the themes to both America and England, which made you really pleased. 

You were pulled out of your discussion when your phone vibrated. 

Iz

pickin up panera anyone want anything 

“Jeez it’s already past 6:30, I gotta go.” You said. 

“Oh, I’m sorry.” He said. 

“No it’s not your fault, I get so into politics I lose track of time.” “I can tell.” He said as you both packed up your stuff. 

“Wanna grab some food?” He asked. 

“Sorry, can’t,” you said. 

“Why, got a hot date?” He joked. 

“Maybe,” you said. 

“At least let me walk you to wherever you’re going.” 

“You don’t have to do that.” 

“Well where are you going?” 

“Congression Hall?” You replied. 

“Wait, you live there?” 

“Uhm, yes? Me along with practically every other junior.” 

“What floor?” 

“8.” You said. 

“Should’ve guessed.” He replied as you started walking across the quad. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Honors 8. I forgot you were in hc.” He was referring to the eighth and top floor of Congression Hall, which was reserved for the honors college juniors. 

“Yeah.” You said simply. 

“I’m on six, by the way.” He said. “That’s why I was curious. I’ve never seen you around there.” 

“I’m not usually, I only really use it for sleep.” 

“Of course,” he replied. 

“I assumed you lived in a frat house.” You commented. 

“Nah, next year.” He said with a wink. “Speaking of frat houses, there’s kind of this party going on at Delt tonight-” 

“I’m aware.” You said, cutting him off. 

“Ah, well, if you want I can get you on the list.” You smiled to yourself. 

“No need, I’m already on the list.” You said. 

“Oh?” He said, clearly embarrassed. “Because of delta nu?” 

“Nope.” You said, not offering any other information. 

“Well maybe I’ll see you there then.” 

“Even if you do see me there, I will be pretending I don’t know you.” 

“Why?” He asked, clearly offended. “I run that house.” He joked, trying to play off the embarrassment. 

“No offense, but your reputation would not be good for mine.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Well I have a certain reputation in the greek community, and if people see me with you they’ll get the wrong idea.” 

“The wrong idea?” He asked as you walked in the lobby of your building. 

“Well, see, the thing is,” you said, stepping into the elevator. He pressed the button for six and eight. “I have certain standards. If people see me with you, they’ll think I’ve…” 

“Wow, you are really uptight, aren’t you?” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Certain standards? Jesus christ, you’re not the queen, Y/N. And I don’t have a bad reputation. But god forbid I don’t live up to your ‘standards.’” He said, storming off the elevator without another word, clearly upset. You sighed. Good job, Y/N. 

Tom got to his room and threw his stuff on the floor, collapsing on his bed. His head hurt from all the tutoring, and trying to focus on not staring at your lips. 

delt juniors

Tom

aight important question guys

Cal

whats up tommy

Tom

do you guys know a girl called Y/N Y/L/N? shes a delta nu

Joey

dan knows her ;)

Cal

fuck, Y/N? what are you doing with her? 

Tom

shes tutoring me stop buggin 

Max

i know her which u know shes in hc with me 

Liam

oh danny DEFINITLY knows her 

Will

who doesnt know Y/N? shes a hot commodity

Tom

what do you mean? 

Cal

shes like the perfect girl next door, totally hot and so smart which just makes her hotter

Will

doesnt help that shes a huge fuckin flirt AND can hold her alc

Joey

dan is being suspiciously quiet……..

Dan

shut up joe

Liam

care to share with tommy your story with Y/N, daniel? 

Dan

i hate u all 

fine

i was like in love with her freshman year

and i thought she was into me too

and we made out a couple of times but nothing else

the second she found out i was in delt she stopped talking to me

like complete radio silence 

Tom

wtf? Why? 

Cal

she doesnt fuck with delts

thats like common greek knowledge

Will

maybe its because shes gonna be dchi sweetheart? 

Joey

nah theres gotta be something else

Harrison

well i just put her on the list for tonite

Tom

wait YOU put her on the list?! 

Harrison

yeah i invited her friend Emily Gold and she doesnt go anywhere without Y/N and these two other girls

Cal

Ally Park and Isabelle Miller

Harrison

yeah howd u know? 

Cal

theyre like those cool girls from high school everyones obsessed with that are just out of everyones league

Tom

wow american high schools are so weird

Dan

tom if u wanna get with her i wont be pissed

Tom

nah like you said she hates delts, and after three tutoring sessions with me i guarentee i am her least favorite delt ever

Liam

theres no fuckin way she shows up tonight

she wouldnt be caught dead at a delt party

Noah

wait you said Y/N Y/L/N may come tonight????

DIBS

DIBS DIBS DIBS

I CALL DIBS

Cal

noah u seriously show up just to call dibs?

Noah

yeah bro have u seen her? if she comes tonight and any of you try to cockblock me i stg ill deck you

Dan

pretty sure tommy has rightful dibs to this one

Tom

nah fam she hates me so fuckin much

let noah try his luck

i doubt she’ll even show

Max

she’ll show. 

Tom

what makes u say that? 

Liam

max does know her best

Max

she and ally and emily and isabelle are ride or die. they circulate who picks what party they go to and if its emilys turn and harrison somehow conviced her to go, Y/N wont miss it

Dan

she hasnt set foot in a delt house since freshman year, you seriously think she’ll show? 

Max

five bucks says she does

Dan

youre on 

Noah

i just wanna make it clear

that if she does show

D I B S

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #frat!tom

[indigopurple]

Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig

Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.

During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(

"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.

When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!

Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.

This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.

"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.

Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.

"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.

I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.

Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.

Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries

Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.

Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.

Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot

#ugly cries #ugh #i need to stop #i need to stop talking #pls #just read my rants ok #i guess #MY BACK HHHUUUUURRRRTTSSSSSS #UUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH #SOBS #straggler.txt #headcanon #hc #one piece #one piece ace #one piece spoilers #monkey d. luffy #luffy one piece #im garbage #hha h a #review #episode review #episode 503 #ackackack #i need to pee #i need to stop torturing luffy with my crazy ideas #hhhhhh #love u guys #bye ig

[not-another-writing-blog]

Sick.

Pairing: Alpha x reader

Warnings: sick reader, mentions of killing, fluff and Alpha out of character

Summary: Reader is sick and Alpha takes care of them.

~~

You are exhausted, every muscle in your body aching as if you’ve just ran a marathon. Your throat hurts, fire in every swallow, and a sheen of sweat has broken out on your forehead, as you carry another bucket of water up from the river. It is a cold, early spring morning, the frost still on the tree trunks, and you have worked hard to break the ice so that you could carry the water up the steep bank, dumping it into the big cauldron on the roaring fire, so that Alpha and Beta and the other lower ranking pack leaders would be able to have warm baths. It is your job to do this, as well as to do the laundry for the camp, and look after the young children when they are at play. 

Normally, you don’t mind this task, done once a week, taking nearly your entire day when they wished you to do it. Today however, every single step is painful,the bucket is heavy as a rock, and you struggle to carry it into camp, your head swimming like the fish in the river. 

You curse as the water spills out of the bucket, splashing on a pair of feet.

“What the hell?” To your horror, you hear Alpha’s voice, and your heart stops. Great. Youre going to die. She’s going to kill you. She’s killed for less, just to prove that she can. You dont want to die. You don’t want to die. You’re shaking, the bucket slapping the ground, its remaining water splashing out onto her feet.

“YOU DARE DISRESPECT YOUR ALPHA IN THIS WAY?” Beta grabs you around the throat, lifting you off your feet, not even giving you time to yelp. 

“Beta. Put her down. NOW.” Alpha snarls, her voice oddly calm as she stares him down, catching you as he tosses you to the ground. 

“You’re not well.” It is a statement, not a question. You shake your head as you try to get up, surprised as Alpha herself offers you her hand. 

“Thank you.” You take it willingly, smiling as she leads you to her den, motioning for you to lay down on the soft sleeping pallet. You sigh in relief as you do as she asks, wincing   as you close your eyes and are almost immediately asleep.

“(Y/N)” You wake to the warm drawl in your ear, the smell of soup reaching your nostrils. You sit up, your head pounding and the den seeming to spin around you. “No no. Lay back against the pillows. You’re not movin from here for some time. Just lie back.”

You do as you are told, closing your eyes again as she spoons soup into your mouth, doing your best to eat everything that she gives you. 

“Thank you. For not killing me.” You whisper, confused when you hear her bewildered laugh. 

“You think I would kill you for accidentally spilling a bit of water on my feet? (Y/N), that would not happen. You have worked all day long, even when you were ill. How could I kill that kind of loyalty? No (Y/N), you will not die today, in fact, It is time you were on the receiving end of loyalty.”   

You sigh softly, as she helps you to lie back down, her hand lingering on your shoulder, her eyes full of compassion, empathy and warmth. She presses a metal cup to your lips, the cold liquid cooling your throat. You return her smile, eyes soft as you look into her own.

“Alpha-” You whisper, your voice filled with respect, and thanks. It hurts, to move, but you don’t need to worry about that. For the first time, since before the Walkers took over the earth, you feel safe, and protected. 

“Lisa.” Alpha whispers, and your eyes widen in shock. She has just told you what no one else, not even Beta knows. Her name.  “When we are alone, you can call me Lisa.” She stands, and exits the warm den, and for a few minutes, she is gone. You wonder briefly, if she is coming back. 

You dont know how long it has been, when you’re gently awoken, soft hands stroking your cheek. A warm wet rag on your forehead “(Y/N), come on now honey, sit up for me? Thats it. You’ll heal faster if you’re clean.” You are surprised, and just a bit nervous, when she helps you to take off the dirty clothes you wear, setting them outside the den, for someone to take. You are even more surprised when you reach for the rag, but Lisa stops your hand with her own. 

“No love. Let me.” To your shock, she has a bucket of steaming hot water. Slowly, ever so gently, she begins to clean every bit of dirt and grime off of your skin. She helps you to lay on your stomach, as she washes your back, gentle hands massaging your shoulders and back, trying to soothe some of the aches she must know the fever is causing you. Her hands are far more gentle than you thought she could ever be, and you are even more surprised when she begins to wash your hair, running the soap gently through your hair, massaging your scalp. 

“You dont have to do this.” You say softly, though in truth, you are glad she is taking care of you. It has been so long since you felt loved by anyone. 

“I know I dont.” Lisa’s voice is soft as she pulls a night dress over your head, before pulling you close in her arms, holding you tightly as she helps you to relax under the warm blankets. “But I want you to feel better, and this will hopefully help. Until you are back on your feet, I am going to take care of you.” Her voice is soft, her hand stroking your hair as you lay against her, falling asleep to her heartbeat, and the sound of her gentle drawl singing you a long forgotten melody.

~~

Written by @thankyoualexkingston-blog 💕

#alpha x reader twd #alpha twd #alpha imagines #the walking dead x reader #the walking dead imagines #the walking dead #red heart💕

[dead-inside-cx]

Izukus Week Part (2/2)

“Kaachan calm down!!!!!” Izuku was freaking the fuck out. He had opened up to Katsuki about what happened, and well he should have expected him to blow the fuck up. “I am going to murder that icy hot bastard. HOW DARE HE!!!” To say Katsuki was pissed well that was an understatement. He was seeing red. He was ready to commit murder.

“Kaachan please calm down.” “That bastard put his hands on you! He kissed you and made you cry. I will not fucking calm down Izuku.” Katsuki looked at his boyfriend. He saw the scared expression and reluctantly calmed down just a little. “Fuck fine. Stop making that face.” He hated making Izuku sad, mad or scared. Especially scared.

Izuku was quick to grab the boy into a tight hug. Katsuki hugged him back. “I know your mad baby but please...Please don’t murder him. He’s still my friend.” Izuku spoke softly. “Okay. Fine. I won’t murder him but I’m going to punch him in the face and you can’t say no.” He kissed the boys head. “Fine, one punch. But if you get house arrest I’m not cuddling you.” He could hear the smirk in his voice. “Oi you little shit I better get my cuddles or else ill tell Auntie.” “Wait Kaachan nooo! Dont call my mum!!!!!!” Izuku pouted at his boyfriend. Katsuki kissed the pout. “Cute.” He smiled at the blush that appeared on his boyfriends cheeks. “Meany.” Katsuki just laughed before frowning again. “Baby are you okay? And don’t fucking lie to me.” He saw tears well up in his boyfriends eyes and he wiped the few that escaped.

“K-Kaachan...I-I’m sorry...” Izuku broke down crying. Katsuki dragged him back to the bed and pulled him down into a tight cuddle position. “Shh its okay baby. I know its not your fault for ANY of this. Okay so don’t blame yourself.” He gently rubbed his back.

He was going to kill that bastard when he saw him next. How dare he hurt and upset his baby? He looked at Izuku. For now his main focus was to look after the boy in front of him. Everything else could wait. House arrest was going to so fucking worth it.

 ~A few hours later~

Katsuki left the now sleeping boy in his room asleep. He was on a mission and he was going to complete it. He did not fucking care. “Oi shitty hair. Where the fuck is that candy cane bitch boy?” Kirishima looked at the angry blonde in front of him. If he was being honest he was a little terrified, of how angry he was.

“Do you mean Todoroki? Last I saw he was with Uraraka and Lida. Are you okay?” Kirishima was worried. Worried that his best friend might do something stupid.  “The bastard is going to pay for what he did.” Was all Katsuki said, well more like growled.  “Bakubro you’ll get house arrest if you do anything! Didn’t Aizawa-sensei say that if you got another house arrest he would call your parents?” “Fucking let him. I don’t care; the bastard is going to pay.” Katsuki then turned and walked away. “ICY HOT. COME OUT HERE YOU PIECE OF SHIT!” He yelled as he searched the halls. Kirishima watched him leave before racing to go find Aizawa. He had a feeling he was going to be needed to stop a murder.

Katsuki found Todoroki fairly easily. The bi coloured boy appeared. He looked horrible. This for Katsuki was the best thing ever. “You are so fucking dead. How dare you hurt Deku.” He growled. “Like you are any better? You treat him like shit.” Todoroki said glaring at the blonde. “I know that. I know how shitty I am to him but I am trying to get fucking better cause that’s what he deserves. You made him fucking cry you piece of shit! I JUST SPENT HOURS CALMING THE NERD DOWN CAUSE YOU HURT HIM!!!!” He saw the shock and surprise in the others face, so he struck. He punched the boy hard in the face. There were two sickening cracks, but Katsuki didn’t care.

Instead he jumped onto the boy that was now on the ground and threw punch after punch after fucking punch. He didn’t stop until he was pulled off. “Kaachan stop it!” He stopped for a second seeing his boyfriend worried expression. “Deku.” Was all he said.  “You said one punch not borderline murder!” “Well he deserved it for hurting you idiot.” He said now calm. Izuku went to check on Todoroki as Aizawa and Kirishima arrived. “What is going on here?” Aizawa said rightfully pissed off.

No one said anything. “Kirishima help Todoroki to the infirmary. Midoriya, Bakugo. My office. NOW!” Everyone nodded and did as they were told.

The two boys sat quietly in Aizawas office. They didn’t say a word. It would mean exposing their relationship to their teacher. “I’m already aware you aren’t directly involved Midoriya so you won’t be getting house arrest, however you seem to know what is happening. I want answers.” Aizawa was a little calmer now.

He watched the two look at each other before nodding. “The icy hot bastard deserved it.” Katsuki said. “Kaachan no!” “He hurt you Izuku. He made you cry, feel like shit.” This was new. He had never seen or heard Bakugo treat Midoriya with such well kindness.  He decided he would let the two talk first. “I know that but that doesn’t mean you can murder him! I must have lead him on or something!” “DO NOT BLAME YOURSELRF NERD! Let’s get one thing straight, you didn’t lead him on. If he got the wrong signs or if he thought that his little confession and kissing you without your consent would work he’s a bigger idiot than I thought.” Well at least Aizawa had some answers now. “But-““No! You have every right to say no. To not feel the same way. You were being yourself around him cause you trusted him. Which I know is hard for you to do. If he decided that meant you liked him or whatever the fuck he thought, then that’s on him not you.” Aizawa decided this would be the best time to step in.

“Bakugo is right, Midoriya. Whatever happened that caused this and you will tell me everything its clear it wasn’t your fault. If you don’t feel the same way about someone you have every right to say no and if Todoroki kissed you without your consent then we may need to have a lesson about consent.” He saw Midoriya looked down. “Twice...” He muttered. “What was that?” He asked. “It happened twice...” Well sounds like these children desperately need a lesson on consent. That was going to give him a headache and less sleep. Dam.

“Okay. So what happened?” He looked at Midoriya. “Icy hot and him were studying together. Icy hot said something about the way Izuku looks at me which for the record he better look at me like I’m a whole ass snack or else cuddles are revoked-“ “Oh my god Kaachan!” Aizawa seemed to click from that but didn’t interrupt. “Well its true anyways Icy hot confessed and kissed him before he could react or say anything. Izuku pushed him away I don’t know the conversation from there but the bastard said shit about me my baby defended me like the bad ass motherfucking boyfriend he is. He was then backed into a wall icy hot confessed again asking some shit about his love being enough? Like bitch no Izuku don’t want you, he already got a whole ass snack and awesome boyfriend aka me! So why would he want your crusty ass. The fucker then kissed my baby again; he made him cry as well. I spent so long calming Izu down. Then I went and beat the living fuck out of him for hurting my baby!” Katsuki explained. “Kaachaaaaaan stop being embarrassing.” Midoriya pouted but at least he seemed happier. “It's true though.” “Just cause its true doesn’t mean you need to announce it to Aizawa-sensei!” He saw the grin on Bakugos face widen a little. “I'll tell Auntie your being embarrassing!” Midoriya said feeling smug and it showed. “OI don’t bring the old hag into this!” The glare he gave wasn’t cruel. Aizawa had to admit this was a sweet little scene but he had a job to do.

“Bakugo. As much as your actions were in the right place you still can’t attack a student. You will be on house arrest for three days. Todoroki will also be getting house arrest. I do also have to call your parents Bakugo. I’ll let you explain the situation.” Aizawa didn’t expect himself to be so soft on the blonde. He was more shocked to see Bakugo just accept that. “Uhm Aizawa-sense?” He looked at Midoriya. “Can this stay between us? What happened and uh Kaachan and I?” He saw the worried expression. “Of course. I want you both to know that you will be accepted here once you decide to come out and if you need anything and I mean ANYTHING at all please do not hesitate to ask. I know terrifying it can be to come out, if anyone disrespects you once you do come out tell me immediately.” Aizawa looked at how the two lit up. It warmed his heart a little. They might be problem children but they were also sweet. “Go get your hand checked out, and then back to the dorms. I’m sure your parents will be calling soon Bakugo.” He let the two go and sighed. “I swear those two will be the death of me.” He said quietly. He also made a small mental note about Midoriyas trust issues. He would have to speak to the boy and find out what happened to cause these issues. He originally thought it was Bakugos doing but now it seemed like there was a bigger problem at hand. He sighed again. So much for taking a nap.

The couple left Aizawas office and went to recovery girls office. Recovery girl didn’t say much just glared at them before fixing up Bakugos hand. They were then sent off.

They went to Bakugos dorm room. “Whole ass snack really?” Izuku said looking at his boyfriend. “Well its true! I am a whole ass snack.” Izuku giggled. “You however are the meal.” Izuku blush and gently hit his boyfriends chest. “Stop it. Bad Kaachan.” Katsuki laughed. “Come on I want cuddles before the old hag rings. I’ll even be the big spoon.” He saw Izukus eyes light up before the two got comfortable on Katsukis bed. Katsuki would keep it to himself but he just fell in love with the nerd even more. And that is that little piece done. Does anyone want to see the parents reaction to this situation? As a little bonus chapter? Let me know and Ill write it up. I originally want going to have Aizawa find out about the two but then I was like fuck it and we can Dadzawa. Also I may or may not have set up a future story piece for Izukus past. Hope you enjoyed this little piece of the au.  Requests for pieces for this au are open as well as my asks, so feel free to ask/request something :3 Part one can be found here: https://dead-inside-cx.tumblr.com/post/190468485265/part-1

#bakudeku #bkdk #secret dating au #bakudeku secret dating au #dadzawa #rip todorokis face #kirishima helped stop a murder today #izuku was sad #katsuki knows he a whole ass snack #izuku be his meal tho

[dulharpa]

this is for hayley! @whistlingwillows a dear friend <3333

it’s meant to be a birthday present haha. i just want to shower you in love;;; so thought maybe i could go through as many of your fics and comment on them :^)))

(TO EVERYONE ELSE: please go to @whistlingwillows blog and read her fics!!! they are SO FCKIN GOOD AND AMAZING AND UGH HER MIND (it’s a lot of mcu and her bucky and steve fics are a*. i DEFINITELY RECOMMEND))

i wish you a VERY happy birthday and i hope we stay friends for many more years <3333333333 

i’m going through your masterlist heehee ;)))

ah first off, nice theme! i never could rlly see it before because i’m always on mobile heehee. also sorry for not reviewing them before??? i don’t usually read fics on tumblr as you’ve probably guessed;;

anyways, IM GON REVIEW THE SHIT OUT OF THESE >:DDDD

far from home -  bucky x stark sister!reader

firstly, i like how youre introducing the reader from buckys pov, like you can sort of already gather what shes like from them

‘Bucky can hear Tony’s soft inhale, feel the intensity of the man’s glare directed at Steve. He shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but a twitch of muscle would be enough to alert both men that he’s here. With the amount of tension crackling in the air, a brush against the wall would be equivalent to a thousand cymbals crashing in cacophony.’

IM CRYING ALREADY. the imagery in here is GLORIOUS. your tone here is so fitting! oo and the alliteration here is perfecto

ooooooo!! the backstory coming in  👀👀

‘despite what some people think that Steve and Captain America are two different personas, there will always be parts of Steve in the Avenger, and parts of the Avenger in Steve. They both want to believe in something good. They are, after all, one in the same.// Just as how Bucky and the Winter Soldier are the same man despite everything. HYDRA simply amplified the hate, fertilized the seeds of rage, curated the quiet thunder within his soul, within James Buchanan Barnes so that the Winter Soldier could thrive.’

yIKES! lol this is very character study like! nICE. it hurts tho, my poor children, i love you both 

oo ‘starlight eyes’ that is a very nice way of describing them

‘“Then what was London?” The protesters. “São Paulo?” The earthquake. “Vancouver?” Freezing cold water.//“Look, I care if Stark’s gonna run us over trying to find her. I care enough because she’s part of our team. Come off it, Steve. I know she can take care of herself. I’m gonna take a nap. Dr. Cho said no partying post-Singapore and what do you know, we throw the biggest party ever.’

ooo singapore uwu and london? (coincidence? haha jkjk) and the hints abt reader and buckys background are so good?? but so annoying??? like i just wanna KNOW yknow?? 

‘The water runs copper and the sting bites at his palm as he tries not to think. Tries to focus on the numbing cold that runs over his skin.’ 

your imagery is so vivid?? im actually in awe??? i am so regretful i havent kept reading your fics. like i know they are amazing, i just keep putting them off??? idk man. hopefully this makes up for it (gd tho, im still not done with commenting on one fic. this is what im doing with my motivation teehee ;)

‘ He feels weak. Tired. He wants to go back to bed but he also wants to stay out in the sun for a few hours more. The sun kisses his skin through the windows and he squints against the blue sky, wondering ‘

mood during this quarantine lol

‘“Oh, right.” Your voice is flat, uninterested, cold, as you stare at him. “You killed my parents.”Shit.‘

 OUCH LMAO THATS C O L D, O GOT +100 PHYSIC DAMAGE FROM JUST READING THAT

ooo robin as a nickname noice. very much gives me batman vibes lol

oh! and the way of doing the ‘flashback’ is neat! very original. it both tells us what happened AND buckys reaction to it again. he can re-analyse himself and reader. very cool

‘If you walk away now, don’t bother coming back!” Silence. Bucky can hear his own strained breathing, your soft sigh as you soaked in his ultimatum.’

👀👀 yikes that ultimatum. :// not good bucky. tbf theyre both trying to hurt each other but Yikes

eyy!!! readers pov!! finally! and the switch after we find out the outsiders pov? brilliant

oh no :(( more angst

‘When’s the last time you saw your therapist?”“Don’t have one. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”’ they BOTH need therapists;;;;

very good fic!!! :DD they rlly do hate each other! i definitely like how you went back and forth with the timeline! it gave me a v strong idea on what yn was like even before we rlly got introduced. i am now very curious on where reader is? i love your characterisations! 

i will read the 10k+ fics but heck the last one took me ages lolol (i will comment in the future tho!! i promise <3 ) (that took me over an hour jjhghgdjh)

slipping away- amnesiac modern bucky x reader

omg,,, AMNESIA! >:DDDDDD

‘ Put your fucking seatbelt on’

oh no, istg theyre going to have a car crash arent they (’ doesn’t put the seatbelt on to spite you.’ NO PLEASE PUT IT ON U DUMBASS)

ok,,,,, at LEAST he put it on before he got hit, thank heck. but still. youre so cruel to your poor characters lmaoo

oh gosh

‘You fall apart slowly, like pieces of you peeling away until you’re nothing more than your broken heart. The sobs that wrack your body are relentless and you shove your forearm into your mouth to muffle your cries. You want to bite into your skin. You want to distract yourself from the agony tearing you to shreds. You want to feel anything but the pain.///Tears sweep into your hair, cloud your vision and your whole face floods with heat as you try to breathe through the pain. You’re cleaved into pieces on that bed, eyes squeezed shut as the tears keep flowing, and your throat burns’

this hurts damn, it is so vivid?? i can really feel it 

i am so glad you got into writing yk?? so glad

NO PLS, TELL HIM. TELL HIM :((( ‘shes nice once you get to know her?? shes known nat for years now!! years!!

oh god ‘he looks younger without the burden of your time together’ this is so angsty omg

‘Well, he was stumbling through his apology and I just let him finish.” Your body fills with warmth as you remember his embarrassed smile, the way he shoved his baseball cap farther down his head, chin tucked to his chest, trying to hide that face. “When he was done, I opened my mouth to say something polite but what came out was ‘You look like someone I’d very much like to kiss’.”

this is so soft i stg im crying in the club

OH SHITTTTTTTTTTT , you left it off like that!!! thats so cruel!!!! i can’t!!! how dare you!!!! :””””””((( im typing this with tears in my eyes ill have u know!!

anyway!!! very good fic!! you could honestly make that into a longfic very easily lol. i felt too many emotions :(( 

i was just about to say where is the fluff!! where is it!! when i saw the next one and yay :))) pls i cant have more angsty stuff rn

.

cookies and rings and things bucky and reader

‘how much do you love me?’ ‘count the snowflakes, multiply by a million’

did you have to start the fic off with such a SOFT line? its so soft! so TENDER 

‘He wonders what kinda insane person wears socks without any clothes on, but then decides that it’s the kind of person who’s fallen in love with him.’  jesus, the soft moments filled with love are the greatest <3

you can write fluff so well, whyd you have to pain me with all that angst ;””””) (1/10 hurt, 9/10 comfort is the way to go lolol) (jkjk ill read the angsty ones too when i have the spoons) (gonna reread that hydra steve one and ik thatll fuck me UP)

‘ Then, he can feel the cold metal of the ring she slid onto her own finger less than twenty-four hours ago and realizes that he had thought a lot of things shouldn’t be possible, and yet they still are. ‘

you literally brought me to tears reading this softness, you have truly found my weakness

‘ She’s so damn gorgeous with flour on her face and eye bags beneath her eyes that he’s sure she will inevitably make his heart burst ‘

he already likes her so much! i can’t believe this is affecting me so much :’)

‘Bucky is quite sure Sam is in love with his girlfriend in the fact that he’s in love with the fact that his girlfriend is possibly in love with Bucky’

this is so soft??? sam loves reader bc reader loves bucky sm. pls my hear <3333

you do fluff SO WELL DAMN 

‘F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice echoes in his small little perch and he still thinks it’s weird without having the side effect of Stark in his suit chasing after him to hear the A.I. but he shoves that uncomfortable feeling of the dead man out of his head. That is too much regret to unpack right now on a mission. ‘

yike bringing back that reminder oof

but thats so soft??? (i am def overusing soft but,,,,, i love it and the vibe) she sent him cookies! god i can feel the love  

‘She expresses her feelings through cooking, which Bucky has learnt the hard way. One time, they got into an argument over something stupid—he can’t even remember what started it—and came to the kitchen at 2AM to see her sitting at the kitchen island crying her eyes out and surrounded by baskets of muffins.’

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 my hEART

you show how much they love each other in so many ways??? i am dying

“Alright, I like it.” Rolling his eyes, he pecks her forehead and she smiles victoriously. It’s so adorable that Bucky, with less than three hours of sleep, adds, “God, I want to marry you.//”“What?”//Oh.Shit.

oh my god! i am literally tearing up!!! AGAIN!!!!!!!!

oh shit o am literally crying

your fluff got me crying harder than your angst i hope youre happy

I really hope you enjoy reading this?? i keep forgetting to like text you but i wanted to do something for your birthday. especially in quarantine when everythings gone crazy. one year i swear ill do something REALLY good for you. not making promises bc i hate if i dont. but ill like, learn how to podfic because you D E S E R V E  I T 

ive spent like three hours doing this lolol 

thank you so much for everything hayley!

#i love you sm hayley!!!! thank you for EVERYTHING #AND THIS IS A FIC REC PLS CHECK HAYLEYS STUFF OUT

[solarsystem69]

Hi 😊 for the system asks how about 🤫: Any Funny System Stories? 🥰: Any Wholesome System Stories? 🎨: Any Hobbies That Everyone In The System Enjoys? - c (The Union)

(Some of this is text convos i’ve had with ex-best mates and some is nsfw cuz funny stories for us generally are rude in nature lol nothing too explicit just weird flirting really) 

we used to make lissie and max dance together and lissie is like "hes an arse but i like to dance so okay" and max is like "fuck off" he dances with her anyway. so like yeah. then we are listening to music and we're like "Dance with lissie" and hes like "no" and so lissie is like "just go back to your lonely tower then, you downer" and hes like "Fine, i will. I will go.. all alone... to my bedroom" like thats hmmm. so once hes gone, lilly is like "Thats an open invitation to you to come to his room to bone" and lissie is like "lol no... wait... is it??" and doll face is like "oh definitely  " and so we send lissie off to find out whether it was in invitation to bone or not. and in our front room we have screens. a main one for the outerworld and some other ones for different rooms in the inner world castle. and so i tap the screen cuz its a little sketchy to use. but anyway, lissie had been upstairs for a while so were worried he killed her  but we see what went on. Lissie went to his room and knocked on the door and he answers. and hes like "I thought you told me to go away." and shes like "Yeah but i didnt think you would and then lilly said you gave me an invitation to join you and bone so.. i just..." and hes like "You came to take me up on my offer to bone?" smirk and shes like "Ugh no. you're an arse and youre rude and obnoxious" and hes like "Oh please go on, im very flattered rn" and shes like "it wasnt a compliment. ugh i hate you." and he like " actually you dont. you like me " and shes like "what no ew" and hes like "You do. i can see it and i understand why. They are all the same downstairs and im not like them" and shes like "Woah, dont you dare say they. they are all individuals" and hes like "Yes. but theyve all got strong morals and good hearts. and youre bored. so you like me" and shes like "ill kick your ass okay. those things are good things to have. youre a jerk" and by now shes like gradually moved closer to be 'intimidating'? and hes like "oh really?" smirkyness and shes like "Yea. youre just so mean and arrogant and you are such a bad person, you need to be--" and hes like "Say it, baby. i dare you." and shes like "..Punished.." and then bam hes practically throwing her on the bed and like ......... so thats when i turned that screen off. so like hilarious in hindsight but at the time. shooketh.

Doll face and lilly integrated (merged into 1 chick) which makes sense because doll face is too emotionally stable but impulsive and lilly is too emotionally unstable but logical. they didnt choose it and it is fairly easy now. or easier. doll face (loved them so much but ) was wayyy too impulsive. always making decisions for the worse but were fun which would have been fine if they actually cared but they didnt. thats okay. they were young. and lilly was lonely and needed to care a little less about her past. and idk. but its deffo for the better. yeah they were family basically anyway so i think shes really happy about it tho sometimes they do look in a mirror like "Wow. now ive got no dick and some small tits". i mean lmao. she really does focus on the small boobs thing. and we're like "they are average 🙂 " and shes like "No. easy for u to say tit-anosaurus rex"

Also, Nate almost called one of our ex-best mates mum’s a milf. 

(ugh going through old messages to mates to see if i can find more funny stories ad accidentally came across trauma ewwww miss me with that shit)

Wholesome... hmmm. we have plenty of sorta funny, interesting stories. Oh actually yes. I know. Okay, so i sorta just am always stalking around the inner world so i see almost everything. But this starts in our front room (like our fronting room but our living room, its genius ik)  we were listening to music (or Nate was) and Fox decided to come dance in the fronting room to the bops and me and Lilly saw them dancing very saucily together 😏 ya know. So we laughed and left. So we're listening to music on the way home and Lilly, Fox and Nate are in the room. And its all chill and then Nate starts flirting with Fox and Fox is all blushing and looking down like "Idk what to do rn" and Lilly and I are laughing and then Fox slightly reciprocated (as a joke probably...) And now Nate jas him basically pinned against a wall. Not physically just like with his intense eye contact. 😂 its hilarious. Lilly is threatening to go get Lissie because she was like "You two dicks aren't going near each other." And Nates like "What gives you the right to declare where my cock goes?" 😂 like wow. And Lilly was like "Oh I'm just going to go get Lissie then" and Nate was like "No no. Don't do that." Cuz Lissie really has the right 😂😂. Nate asked Fox to kiss him and Fox said "No..." 😂 savage but then you make my balls so blue from heathers came on and I'm dead. Fox: Sorry. Its not you. I just can't.. Nate: Okay. You don't have to. Lilly and me: *Sad eye contact cuz we know why Fox doesn't want to kiss anyone* Fox: *Kisses Nate on the cheek* Nate: *Blushes adorably- breaking his bad ass persona* Nate: you know not all sexual stuff involves kissing. Uh. If you don't want it to. Fox: *giggles quietly like a lil twink* I don't want any sex though. As pretty as you are, I just don't want that. Nate: *is absolutely crushed* Yeah. Okay. But I need some cock so imma head out and try to gain some pride. Lilly: I've not built the village in this innerworld yet so.. Idk where you're heading out to. Nate: *sighs so deeply* I'll be in my room then. Stay out. Fox: Sorry. I didn't mean to egg him on at first only to deny him. I just thought it would be fun and then I thought even if it did lead to sex then it wouldn't matter because I don't mind and then I remembered that I did mind and I don't want that. Lilly: *hugs Fox* that's alright. He'll get over it. He's tried it on with all of us atleast once and we're all women. I would've saved Fox from Nate only He didn't look like he wanted to be saved. at this point in time, our innerworld was still being built by lilly so we all were sleeping in one room, with the littles. and i witnessed the sweetest thing. So I was doing the final checks to make sure everyone was in bed and since Nate doesn't want to sleep with the Littles anymore (they can be slightly irritating) I had to go find his room. He's in a tower room. Its not got a bed and it's freezing but hey no loud children. And as I'm about to turn the corner I see Fox knocking on his door after clearly being there for a while debating whether or not to because Nate told us to stay out. Quickly Nate opens the door and immediately as he sees fox, puts his hand on Fox's arm gently (how sweet. Hes not usually gentle) and Fox is all: I'm sorry. I just couldn't kiss you. Just recently with the bad things and the kissing involved in the bad thing. And Nates all: its okay. I shouldn't have put pressure on you like that. I'm so sorry. I understand. And he's hugging him. Like and kissing his head and hes like "Is that alright?" And fox is like "Yeah. Its nice." And squeezes the hug tighter. So sweet honestly. And then Nates like "I know I'm really sexual and that makes you uncomfortable a lot but you know I would never want you to do anything you didn't want to." And fox is all like "I'm just so scared that I'm never going to be able to kiss anyone ever again because I can't get over that time and I really want to forget it." And Nates hugging him really tight and cuz he's taller, he can rest his chin on Fox's head. And im still watching cuz I'm weird and entranced by these confessions. And then Nates like "Do you want to come in?" And Fox is like "No Littles tonight?" And Nates smiling nicely and is like "No I get nightmares and I don't wanna wake them up. And theyre annoying as heck." And fox is like "I know what you mean. Yeah I'll come in." And Nate leads Fox in by his hips gently. *fox and lissie talking bout feelings* Lissie: what's wrong, my sweet? Who hurt you? Fox: *Wiping tears away* no one really. I'm fine. I don't even know why I'm crying. Lissie: Its okay to be sad sometimes. Fox: I'm not sad. I'm nothing. Just numbness. Lissie: that's worse than being sad. Tell me, sweetie. What happened. Fox: I asked Nate to be my boyfriend. I mean, I was kissing him and I didn't get any flashbacks even when I was overthinking and remembering. Nothing and it was so relieving. And I asked him. And he said he had to go for a walk. Lissie: Oh darling. It'll be okay. He loves you. Fox: Does he now? sigh I just love him so much. I love him more than you approve of. I love him so much I don't know what to do. But in not what he needs. He wants physical love and even so, he cant handle commitment. And I know that you don't want us together so you'll get your wish but I need him. Ive never been so relaxed and happy. Lissie: That's true. I've never seen you so happy as recently. I'm glad Nate could bring that to you but I don't approve, no. But if you're going to be together, I will support it. I will encourage happiness, that's a promise I can keep. I'm not disapproving to make it impossible for you to be together, in only disapproving so you have to prove to me that you two can make it. If you two make each other happy, I will be there for you no matter what. Fox: Thank you..... They spoke more but I didn't listen. After strictly avoiding Nate for three days, Fox finally has the courage to face up to him. As the group exit the cozy dining room, Fox weakly holds on to Nate's elbow. Obeying, Nate stares at the ground, clenching his jaw. "I'll start, I suppose." Fox forces out, false confidence strengthening the statement. "I-I'm really sorry that I asked you out. Of course, you wouldn't say yes. That's fine. Completely fine. And I'm really sorry that I made you uncomfortable with me. I really do like you though. Like love really. And even though you don't feel the same... I can't just be your friend. We can keep trying but it will just make us both miserable. We're just lucky the others are giving us time to figure it out instead of just getting rid of us for being dramatic." Fox rants,  getting out of breath and manic toward the end. "I have never heard you say so many words. Are you okay?" Nate smiles charmingly, concerned. "No." Fox answers honestly, a tremble in his voice. Suddenly, Fox is embraced by warm, strong arms. Wriggling further into Nate's warmth, Fox breathes in the boyish scent of Nate. All sharp and smooth. The arms tighten around Fox's shoulders. "I love you too. You know this. I'm sorry that I've been... Not great recently. I just thought we could both use some space. The village... It's the next thing to be built. But I-I don't just want it there for sex. I wouldn't do that to you. I just like the people they're interesting and good friends. You're the one I want. They're nothing compared to the beautiful complexities of you. I hope you'll accept my request to be your boyfriend." Nate excruciatingly slowly spills his soul, hands rubbing the back of Fox's neck how he likes it. Fox freezes, slowly pulling away after a few moments. "You... I'm sorry, what?" Fox whispers, teary eyed. "Please let me be your boyfriend. I'll beg on my knees, I swear. I'm so sorry. I've never been so lonely as I've been without you. Please come back to me." Nate practically sobs, hands reaching up to cover his face. "You actually want to be my boyfriend? What? No... That can't be right... Right? What?" Fox, ever the articulate bean, mutters, completely confused and shocked. "Yes. I want to be your boyfriend. I won't have sex with anyone and I won't hug or touch anyone else I swear. I miss you so much. I hate everyone else so much. I need you." Nate falls to his knees, taking Fox's hand in his and pressed his lips to the soft skin as he rambles, tears falling down his face. "You absolute idiot. You moron. You complete fool." Fox sighs, rambling random tiny insults, before falling to his knees and taking Nate's face in his hands. "I'm so totally in love with you." Fox mumbles, pressing his forehead to Nate's. a couple weeks later: they sang a love song together. 😩 I literally cried. Nate on his guitar and Fox singing. Ive never seen him so relaxed and happy. Ahhh. I wanna cry I'm so excited. 😂😂😂 these boys will be the death of me. theyre both the biggest drama queens and they so gay.

im so sorry that was so long but their relationship created so much drama between us bc we didnt know if it would work out and theyre the most wholesome boys, except nate but well he has his moments. softest boiis uwu. 

Everyone in the system likes to sing and play games and read. Fox mainly likes to write and stuff but Evan is also knows for her nice stories on wattpad lmao. We arent very active, so we dont do much sport but we do like badminton and we used to do a running club. Evan likes baking, where it stressed me tf out. i cant even crack an egg right. only Evan draws really. Our main hobbies are minecraft, eating unhealthy foods and sleeping :) 

[antihero-writings]

The Things We Say Aloud—Pandora Hearts Fic for Phmonth18 Rainsworth Trio Week—Prompt 2: Family (Full Fic)

Fic Title: The Things We Say Aloud

Fic Synopsis: The Rainsworth Trio has a tradition of midnight snowball fights. But what if this is Break’s last?

Notes: This is another fic I wrote last Christmas (for the prompt “Rain”), but I think will work well for Phmonth18. I think it works best for the Rainsworth Trio Prompt 2: Family. You don’t have to have read the previous Christmas fic to understand it, but they are supposed to take place in the same year, and there are a few connections/references between them. (The other one is called “In Plain Sight” and you can read it on this blog, and/or at I_prefer_the_term_antihero ‘s Ao3!)

Out of all the PH fics I’ve written so far, this is honestly probably my favorite. I would deeply appreciate it if you commented to let me know you enjoyed it!

I feel like the Rainsworth Trio–especially Sharon and Break–don’t really talk about Break’s death, even though they know it’s coming. I thought it would be interesting to explore how such a conversation would go, and almost made myself cry writing it!

Also, point of interest, a song that I think works really well for the section of this fic where Break is pondering if it will be his last Christmas is “Into the Open Air” from the Brave soundtrack.

P.S. This is a repost of an old fic!

Fic:

Rain pounded its tune on the roof. It was the kind of rain that swarms the air, making it misty, grey, and cold with the buzzing of a thousand tiny drops.

It wasn’t that he disliked the rain. There will always be something about the rain that’s soothing to people dealing with sorrow. But rain like this; that pounds, and pounds, and doesn’t dissipate, sometimes serves to extend the mistiness inside too. Though it could be a rest, a relief, people like him always pray for the sun to come back. For sunny days and summer light were something people like him, with red eyes, and a past full of sin, knew they didn’t deserve, but couldn’t help seeking all the same.

Xerxes Break walked through the hallway of the Rainsworth manor. He wore his turquoise and gold outfit, half of his white hair falling across his shoulder, the other, shorter side, messily added to the covering the bandages provided—bandages over the place where his left eye should have been, though it rarely bled anymore.

As he passed by one of the rooms, he saw Sharon. She looked so small, but so regal, sitting on the windowsill, with her back to the glass, now frosted with condensation. Her chestnut hair was pulled back with a ribbon, and she was wearing her little pink dress. The little girl was pouting, staring at the ground, her arms folded over her chest in the characteristic expression children wear when they don’t get their way.

He paused, resting his hand on the doorframe.

She lifted her head.

When she met his eyes, he remembered very quickly that was not in his skill set to comfort little girls.

When he glanced back, she was giving him a look that said Well? Aren’t you going to come comfort me?

He knew better than to disobey such a look. He took a deep breath and walked in, hopping up on the windowsill next to her.

Like the rain, it wasn’t that he disliked kids, he just didn’t know how to deal with them. When they cried and threw tantrums…in short, he didn’t know how to deal with emotion (well, strong ones anyways). He couldn’t help hoping that kids like her could stay happy, and innocent forever. Like he had hoped for his young mistress from another time, and seen it go so very wrong, then later heard, through his own interference, that he had made it go far worse. But children would have to get hurt, they would have to grow up, some day. And in turn, they would become the kinds of creatures who hurt, and caused pain, who even killed, and made excuses for it…creatures like himself.

Luckily, he found that Sharon was a much happier, much kinder, much stronger child than most.

When she didn’t speak—(he didn’t dare ask, for fear of making it worse)—he turned to look outside the window.

“Xerx-niisan,” she began at last, “Why is the sky crying?”

He turned back to her, raising an eyebrow. “Huh?”

They weren’t siblings; they weren’t even remotely related. But for some reason, the name fixed itself in her mouth, and nothing he did or said could change that.

She could be a little tyrant sometimes.

At his misunderstanding, she continued to pout, averting her eyes. Then she jerked back to look at him, (he flinched a little), and said in a high pitched voice, “It’s almost Christmas! Why is it raining? It should be snowing!”

“Oh,” he relaxed a little, contemplating his response, “Well…it’s not going to stop raining just because you want it to. Sometimes,” he gave a sardonic smile that was more painful than the frown that seemed fixed on his face, looking away into the rain, as if he would find answers reading the drops, “things…people…that should be happy, just can’t be. And no matter how much you want something…”

He trailed off, and when he turned back, he saw tears welling in her eyes.

Nice going, Xerxes, you barely have to open your mouth to make a little girl cry.

There they were, brimming to the surface: all those emotions he didn’t know what to do with. He could only sit there, waiting for her own brand of rain to start, wanting more than anything to escape, to not have to figure out the right words to fix her.

It was the crying he hated the most. Maybe it was because it reminded him too much of a certain day, long ago, of a certain girl…but the snow did fall that day…

Still, he wasn’t going to tell her that if she just wished hard enough, if she believed in hope, the-general-goodness-of-the-world-and-its-inhabitants, and maybe a little bit of magic, that the snow would fall, that she could change things. Wishes were dangerous things, and he didn’t suggest anyone make them. You never know who, or what, might be listening.

Fortunately, before the tears reached her cheeks, Sharon’s mother, Shelly Rainsworth, appeared at the doorway. She looked almost exactly like an older version of her daughter, the same chestnut hair, the same smile that shined with a light of its own.

Upon seeing the tearful look on her daughter’s face, she marched into the room, put her hands on her hips, and turned to Break.

“Xerxes,” she said his name like he really was Sharon’s brother, “what did you say to her?”

“Why do you assume it was my fault, Shelly-sama?” he muttered, sounding like the child she was calling out.

“Let’s just say you have a habit of stepping on people’s feelings.”

He sighed. “I was only telling her that it won’t start snowing simply because she wants it to.”

“It’s almost Christmas, mother!” Sharon said like she was pleading her case, the tears reappearing in her eyes.

Shelly smiled, shaking her head.

“What am I going to do with you two?” she crouched down in front of Sharon, and paused, contemplating her own question for a moment. “Tell you what, sweetie; I can’t promise it’ll start snowing because you want it to, but I can promise this:” she pushed her daughter’s tears away, “The moment it starts snowing—or, I suppose,” she interrupted herself, “the moment there’s enough snow on the ground, but no later!—we’ll go outside, and have a snowball fight. How does that sound?”

“Really?” Sharon raised her head, the sadness lifting a little.

“Even if I’m busy, or it starts snowing in the middle of the night,” Shelly elaborated, grinning, “No, especially, if it’s in the middle of the night,” she placed a finger on Sharon’s nose, at which the little girl giggled, “I’ll wake you up—or you me—then, while everyone else is asleep, we’ll run around the house in just our pajamas and coats, we’ll wake Xerxes—”

“What?!” Break blurted out.

“Yes, we’ll wake Xerxes,” she repeated smirking, “drag him outside—”

“Do I get a say in this?!”

“Nope,” she grinned mischievously, “Don’t think I’m letting you get out of this one.”

“Tch.” He looked away.

She walked calmly to the couch, picked up one of the pillows, as if she was going to fluff it, brought it over to them, and smacked him with it.

He growled, his red eye starting to blaze, like some caged beast.

She threw the pillow back onto the couch, sighing, saying seriously, “I don’t want you sitting here on this windowsill forever…I know, somewhere inside you, there’s someone…” she pondered it, then smiled, saying simply, “Someone who’s not afraid. You’re stronger than you think. Deep down, I think, these sorts of things that seem childish, like snowball fights, and tea-parties,” she smirked, “fun things, you actually enjoy.”

He looked away, as if knowing he could only disappoint her.

She added softly, placing a finger on his chin, making him look at her,

“We’ll see that smile someday, Xerxes Break.”

He stared at her as she took her fingers away, then he blinked, averting his eyes again. murmuring something about, “Really, Shelly-sama…I’d just ruin—”

“Sharon,” Shelly interrupted his mutterings, turning to her daughter, “Do you think Xerxes should sit here sulking, day in and day out, or do you think he should join our snowball fight?”

“Xerx-niisan should come with us!” she didn’t even take a breath before she answered.

He stared into the little girl’s eyes, so full of hope, no question, no hesitation, just…kindness, endless kindness.

Shelly smiled at her daughter, which turned into devious smirk when she looked at him.

“Checkmate.”

He bit his lip before jumping back down to the ground, muttering incoherently his displeasure, knowing once they were set, he couldn’t change their minds.

They could be tyrants sometimes.

Most people wouldn’t have gone near him, much less want him to be a part of something…well, fun. He knew what people said about him. It didn’t matter, it had been a long time since he had cared what other people thought, plus, he more than welcomed the lack of company. But, the thing is, he knew they were right; he was creepy, and dark, and very, very dangerous. So, he too, often wondered why they had taken him in, why they treated him like something worth saving, worth dragging out of bed for snowball fights, and tea-parties, rather than being sure, like rest of the world was—like he was—that he would just darken everything with any amount of light in it.

That’s what Children of Misfortune were for, right?

A little girl, who should have been more scared of him than anyone, who should’ve wanted him as far away from her and her snowball fights than anyone, could not only go near him, but fail to hesitate as she bounded up to this dark-and-dangerous man, looked into that blood-red eye, and asked him why the sky was crying, gave him flowers, and called him “brother.”

And that was worth more to him than he would ever dare admit aloud.

*****

It was from nightmares about knights, and blood, little girls, dolls, and names that he never mentioned, that Xerxes Break awoke from.

Breath and heartbeat weighed heavily on his chest. Once the memories faded enough for him to remember that, though it may have been real, it was not now, he gritted his teeth together, slamming his fist into the wall behind him. He didn’t care how much pain was pulsating through his hand.

If only it would take his mind off the throbbing in his empty eye socket.

If he had been a weaker man, perhaps he would have screamed, even cried, perhaps he would have whispered something pitifully to the sheets about not wanting to remember again, not wanting nightmares like this one to show their faces in his head. But he had already made a wish, and these nightmares were its descendants. He didn’t have the authority to dream anymore.

All he had was the anger and regret surging through his body, and nowhere for it to go, except make his past a weapon that shattered him just as much as it did his enemies, into glass shards, and cold bones, and bloodstained roles.

Still, there was some part of him that hoped after so many years they would have stopped haunting him. And sure, maybe it wasn’t every night, but they did come. Perhaps that’s why they call them ghosts; There were too many horrors to be reminded of, too many sins to feel guilty for, too little he could do to fix it, and the nightmares were all too eager for the task. One lifetime was not enough for them to let him forget.

They say ‘there’s no rest for the wicked’, and his mind was often cruel enough to remind him.

When he raised his gaze, he saw that the curtain was open just slightly, and something in the sliver of window flickered.

The Mad Hatter sighed, throwing his legs over the side of the bed.

It was awfully cold.

He stepped up to the window, gently pulling back the curtain, just enough so he could see.

He drew in a breath softly, his eye widening at the view:

It was snowing.

There was enough moonlight to see flakes falling upon the grounds—which were cloaked in white by now.

Like that time years ago, for the whole month, the only thing that fell from the clouds was rain, and finally, the sky decided that Christmas Eve was no time to be laying in bed, sleeping, or else dreaming about past follies.

“Well, Shelly-sama, what do you think?” he spoke softly to the merciful sky, “One last snowball fight?” he paused a moment, turning, leaning against the window, as if waiting for an answer to be whispered in his ear.

He stepped over to his wardrobe, throwing a coat over his pajamas, taking up some winter gloves, putting on socks and boots, and, as always, placing Emily on his shoulder (she wouldn’t want to miss this).

Lighting the candelabra on his nightstand, he ventured into the hallway, making his way toward Sharon’s bedroom.

Opening the door as quietly as he could, he walked in, setting the light on her nightstand.

Sharon was sleeping soundly on her curtained bed, her hair splayed all over the sheets, wrinkled in the night’s sleep, and she hugged her pillow.

He resisted the urge to laugh at her un-proper appearance.

Break sat on the side of her bed, by her head, saying quietly,

“Ojousama.”

She stirred in her sleep, muttering something indecipherable.

He gently ran his hand through her hair, saying louder, “Sharon.”

She blinked open fuchsia eyes to see her servant.

“Break,” she muttered his name softly.

Slowly, she sat up, yawning, looking around.

“Break, what’re you…?” she began, fatigue weighing down her words, then shook it away by shaking her head, “What are you doing in my room?! In the middle of the night! How dare you wake me up!”

He knew what was coming next: she grabbed one of the pillows, and he dodged it before she hit him with it. “Do you think you can just come in here as you please?!”

“Really, Ojousama,” he laughed, standing back up, “You think I’d risk injury without good reason?”

She folded her arms over her chest, pouting. He walked over to the window, throwing open the curtain, standing beside it.

“This better not be one of your pranks, Break,” she muttered, walking over to the window.

“Relax. When have I ever been that cruel?”

She glared at him, as if to say I-could-name-a-few-times, then turned to the window, surveying the landscape outside.

Her aggravated expression broke for widened eyes and a smile.

“Break!” she exclaimed, all grievance forgotten, grabbing his hands and spinning him around, “It’s snowing!!” she let go of him, and jumped up on the bed, repeating, “It’s snowing!! It’s snowing!!”

He smirked, folding his arms over his chest; No matter how old she really was, she still looked like that little kid to him.

“What do you say?” he helped her down from the bed, “One last snowball fight?”

“What are you talking about ‘one last’?” she grabbed the pillow and managed to catch him off guard this time. “You better not be talking about that again!”

She didn’t wait for him to respond as she dropped the pillow and ran over to her wardrobe, found a little coat to throw over her nightshirt, boots, and gloves, then handed him a ribbon to tie her hair back.

“Ready?” he tapped her on the shoulder when he had finished tying her hair.

She nodded, beaming.

They weren’t too far from Reim’s room when Break asked her to hold the candelabra, and stepped down the stairs to the front door.

“Where are you going?” she asked, “Reim’s room is this way.”

“This will only take a moment,” he grinned.

She put her hand on her hip, scowling at him as he ran out the front door. Quickly he returned, with the first snowball in his gloved hand.

“Break! Just what are you intending to do with that?!”

“You’ll see!” said Emily.

Sharon sighed, placing her head in her hand.

Reim stayed at the Rainsworth’s often enough that he had his own room (albeit, not a very fancy one). They quietly entered it to see the servant laying on a bed, much neater than either of theirs, facing away from them. His glasses, and some extra paperwork he just couldn’t leave at work, lay dormant on his nightstand.

Break tiptoed up to his friend, gently pulled back the collar of his shirt, and stuffed a snowball down the back of his shirt.

It was a moment before it took effect, but when it did, Reim skyrocketed out of bed, dancing around, until the snow fell onto the floor.

Break could barely contain his laughter.

He rested his hands on his knees panting. When he regained his bearings enough to figure out what had just happened, and saw Break laughing, he shouted,

“XERXES, YOU BASTARD!!”

Reim lunged at Break, at which the older man only needed to step out of the way, to make Reim trip onto the floor.

“Yes, a tired Reim-san, without his glasses, is definitely a match for me,” he remarked, leaning over him,

“A normal Reim-san isn’t exactly a match either!” Emily squeaked.

“Now, now Emily,” Break chided his doll playfully, “we mustn’t rub this sort of thing in people’s faces.”

“I’m gonna kill you,” Reim’s voice was muffled by the floor

Break laughed, “Is that so?”

“All in good fun!” Emily chirped.

“It’s not fun for me!” he retorted, sitting up, “How can your idea of fun be tormenting your best friend!” Reim got up off the floor and sat on his bed.

“Come now, Reim-san, ‘torment’ is a little harsh, don’t you think?”

“I meant what I said! I mean, who in their right mind thinks a good way to wake their friend up is to stuff freezing-cold snow—”

He interrupted himself, looking at each of them with question in his eyes. He repeated the word, “Snow…?”

Sharon and Break grinned at each other.

Break helped his friend up, saying, “And whoever said I was in my right mind? Didn’t you know? All the best people are mad.”

Reim rolled his eyes.

Sharon and Break stepped up to the window to unveil the answer to his question. Reim followed to inspect the view outside.

Then he looked at each of them, shaking his head and smiling. “Really, you two, after all these years…”

He trailed off, going over to his wardrobe to put on the winter clothes he kept there.

They barely had time to blow out the candles before Sharon grabbed both their hands and dragged them out into the moonlit hall.

They were like little kids trying to get a peek at Santa; bumbling down the hall, almost falling over each other, shushing each other, as they made their way through the manor, down the stairs, out the front door, into the cold grounds.

Even with their winter clothing, the cold still crept in. The snow muffled ordinary sounds, falling seamlessly, sparks of scattered moonlight gleaming off the flakes.

“So, we’ll—” Reim was interrupted by Break throwing a snowball at the back of his head.

“Oy! I was talking!” he whirled around.

“What’s there to talk about, Reim-san?” Break tossed another snowball up and down in his hand.

“I was simply—”

This time it was Sharon who threw the snowball at his face.

“Nice shot, Ojousama,” Break mentioned.

“Thank you,” she grinned, “You’re next, Xerx-niisan.”

“Alright, you two are going down,” Reim challenged.

“That’s more like,” Break smirked.

It didn’t make sense that three adults could have so much fun doing something so childish as playing in the snow. But between exploding snow and shouting, their laughter was what radiated like light from the scene. Maybe they forgot they weren’t children, they forgot that they had grown up things to do, responsibilities to attend to, and that the world was really comprised of blood and pain, and worthless names, not innocence and friendship.

The mad tea party, forever trapped in a moment, forgotten by time.

It was a while later when another voice broke through:

“Hey, what are you guys doing?”

They paused, turning to see Oz at one of the balconies.

“Our humblest apologies, Oz-sama!” Reim shouted back, bowing low, “We didn’t intend to be so loud!”

“No worries!” he yawned, “Are you…having a snowball fight?”

“That’s right, Oz-kun,” Break answered, “Would you like to join us?”

“Really?! You’ll let me?!”

“Sure,” he tossed a snowball up and down in his hand again, “but we certainly won’t be going easy on you!”

Oz beamed. “Hang on a sec! Lemme grab Gil and Alice!”

Not long afterwards, they heard the all-too-familiar sounds of Gilbert and Alice shouting, and they their annoyed faces appeared on the balcony.

“Why are you three having a snowball fight at 6:00 in the morning!” Gilbert yelled down to them.

“Oh? You scared you didn’t make the cut?” Break taunted . “Clown! Is this your doing?!” Alice demanded, “I’ll come down there and make you pay for waking me up!”

As Break spoke to them, Reim saw it as an opportunity to get his own revenge, and snuck up behind him. Break, of course, still heard him coming and, once again, tripped him, as he got close.

Break walked around him in a circle, grinning shaking his head, “You’re going to have to try harder than that to beat me.”

Reim gave an expression akin to Gilbert’s evil eye.

Break kicked some snow onto his head as he walked by, just to rub it his face (quite literally).

Oz, Gilbert, and Alice tumbled down the front steps, already laughing and yelling at each other before they even joined the fight.

“Well look who it is,” Break taunted, leaning over them, then Emily continued,

“The dumb bunny, the spoiled brat, and—” he didn’t get to finish, because the two lunged at him.

There weren’t really any teams, or way of keeping score—it was everyone against everyone else, though each of them had their own approach: Gilbert had a more meticulous method; creating a stash of snowballs, and walls to hide behind, (often getting hit in the building process). Oz was would sneak up on people, and took particular pleasure in knocking down, or stealing, Gil’s hard work, while Alice ran around pelting everyone in sight, holding a particular grudge against anyone who landed a hit on her (who were mostly Break and Oz).

Near the end of their fight, as Break snuck up on Sharon, just about to land a hit on her, he found himself falling, and was then somehow on the other side of the yard,

He paused to regain his bearings, and stood back up to his full height, quickly discerning what had happened.

“Is that really fair, Ojousama?” he called across the yard, knowing she had used her Chain.

She chuckled like it was a trivial offense, “Since when have you cared what’s fair Xerx-niisan?”

Well, she got me there.

It was at this moment he felt a rush of cold! against his neck, and tensed, resisting the urge to spill some choice words. He spun around to see that Reim had been waiting behind a nearby tree and, as he addressed his mistress, Reim had managed to get the perfect revenge.

Break pulled back his shirt to make sure the snow fell, scowling at his friend.

“Say it,” Reim folded his arms over his chest.

“What? That you got me?”

Reim’s expression was unmoving.

“I’ll say nothing of the sort, Reim-san,” he flicked his glasses, “After all, you merely copied me. You should be more creative next time.”

Reim’s fingers curled into fists, practically growling at him.

“I didn’t know we could use Chains!” Oz called, running up to them, having noticed Sharon’s expert use of Eques, (but not the following exchange between Break and Reim.)

“Seaweed-head! Release my limiter!” Alice shouted when she heard, “I want to smash the clowny bastard to smithereens!”

“Is that so?” Break called, “You really want to go down that path, Alice-kun?” Break smirked evilly, “My Mad Hatter would destroy you before Gilbert-kun even had the chance.”

“You wanna go, clown!” Alice hollered, and Gilbert had to hold her back to keep her from rushing at him with teeth and claws.

Reim looked worried, and Oz—wearing a similar expression—spoke in hushed tones, “No, Alice! You don’t want to go up against his Mad Hatter!”

“Try me, Manservant!”

“Break! No one wants to see you killing yourself over some stupid fight with some little girl!” Gilbert scolded.

“Oy! Who you callin’ ‘some little girl’?!” Alice snapped at Gilbert.

That seemed to return Reim to his senses,

“That’s right!” Reim scolded, “What did I tell you about being reckless with your powers?!”

“Always so tense, you two,” he walked up to Alice and ruffled her hair, “I’m only teasing.”

Alice broke free, and the fight resumed, though the others were glad to see neither managed to draw blood, and that it quickly returned to the antics of the snowy game.

And for one brief moment, Break forgot about everything else. About the nightmares, the regrets, and the answers he clung to so desperately as a reason to keep himself from falling further. And for one moment, he could see those flickering lights behind dark eyes, and he was happy he could feel the cold biting his skin, he was happy he could see their faces—rosy-cheeked, all smiles and laughs, even if they were yelling at him—for one precious flicker of a moment, he was happy to be alive.

That moment would end. The shadows would crawl back from the corners of his mind, the smiles would become fake again, the world would become a wax museum of happiness. Reasons that were just that, empty reasons; desire had left them behind in an alleyway long ago, for better, darker wishes. The pain would come back, and once again he’d convince himself, I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care about them. About what happens to me. The snow white chaos would return to tears too fast. But in this moment, it was okay. He was okay.

Sharon and Reim ran at him, but instead of getting out of the way, this time he let them bowl him over, the three of them collapsing in the snow.

Shock flitted across their faces, which broke for smiles.

He wanted to say he was sorry. He wanted to tell them over and over I love you both so very much. But he wasn’t the only one who knew that those words falling from Xerxes Break’s lips was all too close to admitting defeat. Because if he admitted he cared, then he wouldn’t be able to let them go when the end came. And he knew it would come all too soon. His lips wouldn’t dare betray him with such miserable words.

So they settled for a smile.

His real smile. Not the smirks and grins he gave away at a moment’s notice. The smile that was barely perceptible, but which, for them, captured within its folds more sunlight than anything else in their world.

Sharon and Reim glanced at each other, then smiled back at him, deciding not to sully the moment with words.

And, as soon as it came, the true smile was replaced with a smirk.

“You two really are gullible,” he put snow in their hair.

They jumped up, shouting his name, trying to rub it out, then quickly ran after him.

He couldn’t tell them the truth. He couldn’t tell them that he was thinking how this might be his last Christmas. He couldn’t tell them how he was wondering if they would still put his stocking on the mantelpiece when he was gone.

He didn’t get a chance to anyways, because it wasn’t long afterwards when beads of citrus and crimson light began tracing the navy sky.

They paused, panting, raising their eyes to look into the sunrise.

For a moment they stared silently at the art the morning made of daybreak, gentle smiles tracing their lips at the beauty.

Then Oz broke in, exclaiming,

“Merry Christmas, everyone!”

“Merry Christmas!” they answered, a little tiredly.

“What do you guys think?” Reim asked, “Ready to go inside?”

“Aww, but we were having so much fun!” Oz protested, trying to mask the fatigue in his voice.

“Easy for you to say, we’re exhausted!”

“To be fair, we were out here much longer than them,” Break panted, realizing just how tired he was. “Perhaps I have gotten old after all. If you youngin’s want to go on—” he flapped a shirt sleeve their direction.

“There he goes again calling himself old!”

Sharon broke in, “Don’t you want to open presents?”

“Presents?!” Oz repeated, like a dog who had seen a squirrel, glancing at Gilbert and Alice, his grin widening.

They began to make their way inside, still laughing and talking about the plays they each had made, and how they would eventually get each other back. As they walked back, instead of joining the conversation, Sharon gently tugged on the corner of Break’s coat, holding him back.

He turned to see that instead of the tired, but joy-full smile that had traced her face moments earlier, she was hanging her head low.

“Ojousama?” he asked worriedly, crouching down beside her, seeing tears begin to grace her cheeks.

The others noticed, and stopped too.

“Xerxes! What did you do?!” Reim demanded.

“Yeah, Break! How dare you make a girl cry on Christmas?!” Oz questioned, running up to her.

He rolled his eyes at them.

“I’m fine, everyone,” Sharon reassured them, giving a somewhat plastered smile, “I’ll just be a moment.”

They all glanced at each other, knowing something was clearly wrong.

“Are you sure?” Gilbert asked.

“Yeah, Sharon-chan, if you need something—”

“Yes. Please, go inside. Break and I will catch up with you.”

They glanced at each other.

“Alright, Sharon-chan. Just let us know if you need anything, okay?” Oz put a hand on her shoulder.

“Thank you, Oz-sama,” she smiled.

The others gave similar smiles back to her, then they gave Break a collective you-better-not-make-this-worse look before walking up the stairs into the manor.

“Sharon?” he asked softly.

No matter how many years went by, he still couldn’t handle the sight of a child in tears.

“Xerx-niisan,” he could tell she was fighting back against the tears, “What if… What if this is your last Christmas?”

He gasped; he didn’t expect her to be thinking about the same thing.

“What if…” she continued, breath taut, “What if we never get to have another snowball fight? What if…?”

“Well,” he rubbed his neck, looking away, “you and Reim can still—”

“Don’t act like everything will be the same when you’re gone!” she threw snow into his face.

He fell back onto his elbows, gently brushing it out of his hair. After a moment a laugh bubbled in his throat, and he put his hand on his face.

“What’s so funny?!” she demanded, scowling.

Obviously that was the wrong thing to do.

If only she had chosen someone else to comfort her; someone like Oz, who could read the situation, and chose his words carefully. Or Gilbert, who was sensitive enough to understand. Even Reim would be better, despite his rather unemotional, straightforward nature. But she had chosen him.

“It’s funny…to tell you the truth,” his voice became more serious, “It’s just…I was thinking about the same thing.”

Shock added to the concoction of hurt and yearning in her eyes.

“Y-You were?”

He looked at the ground and nodded ever so slightly.

“How dare you laugh at that?” she balled a fist in the snow, but the strength seemed to leave her.

She shook her head, tears fluttering back to her eyes, “You can’t…Xerx-niisan, you can’t! I…I don’t want to be alone!” she put her arms around him and fell onto him.

His eye was wide, his breath harsh and cold as he looked at the girl in his arms, forgetting for a less than a moment that she was not that little girl in a darkened room, surrounded by coffins.

He shook his head of the memory.

“You won’t be alone, you’ll have Reim, and Sheryl-sama, and—”

She lifted her head to scowl at him, as if to say must-I-repeat-what-I-said and he cleared his throat, changing his method of attack.

“Well, I won’t go down easy, that’s for sure. But, despite how it might seem,” he gently ran his finger along her cheek, giving that sad but true smile, and whispered, “I am not that strong.”

“You think you can talking about you dying all the time and I’ll just—?!” she tried to fight back, to be angry, but her words fell like the snow, and she murmured again, she let her head fall back onto his shoulder, and whispered back, “Xerx-niisan…”

He gently wrapped his own arms around her.

“I want to be there for you…” she murmured, “I don’t want you to do something stupid…You’re always running into fights without a second thought…” she sobbed for a moment before saying, “Maybe we could…maybe we could stop it? I-I could go into the fights with Eques…Oz-sama and Gilbert-sama—”

He pressed a kiss into her hair, and as she lifted her head off his shoulder to look at him with the wide and teary eyes of her younger self. The look in his eyes was enough to say I’m sorry, Sharon.

“It’s just like I told you, Ojousama,” he ran his fingers through her hair, and murmured into her ear, “No matter how much I may want it to, I can’t stop it from raining.”

She lifted her head off his shoulder to look at him.

“No matter how much we might want it to, we can make the snow fall. Our wishes can’t change things. Even if…” his words were blown by the wind into the stars.

She shook her head gently, murmuring that name.

“Just promise me you won’t make any illegal contracts to bring me back,” he laughed a little, which turned into a grimace, and she knew just how serious he was being.

She smiled for the first time since the conversation started. “I promise.”

For a moment they sat there, together, in a sort of limbo, watching as the sunrise turned into a light blue sky—a present sorrow caught between the earlier joy, wondering which emotion of the two would soon come. Moments were so finicky.

“I can’t promise I’ll have another Christmas, but we still have today. Let’s not waste it with talking about depressing things.”

She nodded, smiling.

He gently reached down and picked her up.

“Xerx-niisan!” she protested at first.

He touched her nose with his finger.

After a moment, as he took her inside, she rested her head against him sleepily, murmuring, “Xerx-niisan, I don’t want…I don’t want you to pretend you’re okay for my sake.”

His eye widened and he jerked his head to look at her.

“Don’t give me that look,” she responded, “I know you do it. You think I can’t handle it.”

He took a deep breath, “I’m fine, Ojousama,” he murmured, and smiled, “It’s Christmas, after all.”

She shook her head, “No you’re not!”

Once again he kissed her head gave her his real smile, “No, really, Sharon. I am. At least for today.”

The smile she returned was real too.

And that was worth far more to them than either of them needed to say aloud.

#pandora hearts #ph #xerxes break #sharon rainsworth #shelly rainsworth #reim lunettes #rainsworth trio #oz vessalius #gilbert nightray #alice baskerville #golden trio #phmonth18 #phmonth #pandora hearts month #pandora hearts month 2018 #christmas #christmas 2018 #fic #fanfic #fanfiction #writing #writers #fic writers #fic writing #antihero writings #fic: the things we say aloud #the things we say aloud

[missjackil]

Miss Jacki’s Top 30 Favorite Episodes

#12

The Raid 12x14

I love this episode for so many reasons! I feel like this was the main introduction of Leader!Sam. Its not the first time that Sam has been a leader, but this is the first time it was focused on. Ill get to that more in a minute, because I want to talk about something else first.

In the beginning, we have a continuation of an argument that Sam and Dean are having with Mary, from the episode before. Family Feud. She has just admitted to them that she has been working with the BMOL and Sam and Dean are less than happy about it. For obvious and totally justifiable reasons, Sam and Dean dont trust them, and theyre visibly hurt that Mom went to work for them. Dean really lays into her. 

Dean and Mary argue back and forth. How dare she chose to work with the Brits after what they did to Sam? Because theyre doing good work and killing monster, and why cant she act like a mom? Because shes more than just a mom and they are not children. So, Dean dramatically calls her Mary, and tells her “there’s the door” and leaves. Now, Sam, who is always the peace maker, always the more understanding of the two, surely, she can talk to him...but, like Ive said before, Sam is a man of few words, but those words always pack a meaniful punch. He tells her “You should go”. This is like Dean rabbit punching her till she’s worn down, and Sam landing the final right hook to finish her off. If Sam Winchester tells you to leave, you done fucked up. If Sam Winchester tells his own mother to leave? You may as well stuff yourself into a canon and light the fuse.  However, a few days pass. and Mary is blowing up their phones via text. Sam has had time to cool down, Dean has not. Sam thinks they should hear mom out, Dean is just done. He tells Sam the peacemaker schtick is getting old, “For once, why dont you pick a side?” Which, in Dean-ease means “Why dont you pick MY side?” And thats fair really, in this situation, the bros should be on the same page, but really... that doesnt happen often (draaamaaaa). This reminds us that even though Sam and Dean are different sides of the same coin, those sides are very different. They both hold grudges when someone hurts them, but if youre a friend or family member, Sam will calm down after a bit and hear you out. Dean hurts worse if youre a friend or family member and wronged him/them.

Dean goes out to drink, and Sam decides to go see Mom and get her side. He gets a tour of the satalite base for the BMOL and he’s not terribly impressed until he learns theyve nearly rid the Mid West Region of vamps. Now they have his attention. 

Its not long before the base is attacked by vamps, and no one knows what to do. Sam just slips right into leader mode! Sam is a different kind of leader than Dean is. Sam can lead large groups, and Dean is better at the small ones. Dean uses the strength of the individuals, and Sam uses the strengths of the group. At another time Ill go into more depth about that, but right now Im just going to talk about this episode. 

Already Sam learns that they are fed inaccurate information. The Alpha Vamp is not in Moracco like they think, because Sam met him in Hoople ND. Sam is getting a migraine. How can these people be so smart and so stupid at the same time? Anyway, Sam wants all the weapons gathered, and they dont have much. Mary tells Mick to go get “it” and “it” just so happens to be The Colt. When Sam sees this, he gets visibly emotional. This scene is wonderful acting by Jared. A perfect example of how fantastic he is at saying 1000 words with just his face. 

In only a few seconds time, we see him run through all the ways this gun was involved with his family. From their hunt with Dad for it, his own act of shooting Dad in the leg when he was posessed, Dean killing Azazel after Sam was brought back to life, Jake using it to open the gate to Hell, Sam shooting Dean’s crossroads demon, and Dean shooting Lucifer. Even going back to see Samuel Colt. I could see all these memories flooding back on him. He asks Mary where she got it... she says “I stole it... from Ramiel” and Sam nearly breaks into tears. 

However, he collects himself, swallows it down... again... because he has a job to do. From MEMORY Sam recalls the spell used to make the bullets powerful enough to kill anything, and this is accomplished just in time for the Alpha to show up and start killing people. The Alpha Vamp is by far my favorite bad guy! Sucks hes gone now :P 

Sam has The Colt and threatens the Alpha, but is the gun loaded? We didnt see him load it? So Sam starts bargaining with him, and I really believed him. I really believed he was gonna ditch these morons and take his Mom and go. Go back to the fair fight, and hand Mick over to the Alpha. Little did we know that Sam managed to communicate to Mick to get a bullet to him, and they worked it out during a scuffle. 

Sam and the Alpha have a little battle of wits, and the Alpha realizes Sam manage to get the gun loaded when he wasnt looking. “Clever clever boy” and Sam cocks the Colt. The effects and direction are so good here. Sam’s long slender finger wrapping around the trigger, steady hand as he fires, and the slow motion drama of  going through the Alpha’s head, so clean we can see through the hole was AMAZING!! BRAVO!! We end the episode with Sam and Dean meeting up again. And this is what I want y’all to go back and see. Sam asks Dean why he came out there, “You dont care about these guys, and you didnt even know I was here” and Dean looks at Mom... Sam looks a little salty when he realizes Dean came out to help Mom “Right... of course” I think this is that quiet, but not entirely hidden, jealousy that Sam has that Dean might love someone thats not him.  *wink wink*  So Sam tells Mick he’s on board and just give him some time with Dean. I dont like that Sam didnt tell Dean right away, because honestly, they can talk each other into anything, and dont need to be sneaky, but fortunately, it was resolved in the next episode.  So there ya have it, coming in at #12, another under appreciated gem from S12.

#my top 30 favs #12 #the raid #sam winchester #leader!sam #badass sam

[highrankingdemoness]

what do you call someone with a strong annoyance borderline hate of men specifically men who are incredibly (masculine) toxic but would be the shit out of anyone who tried to say a man could be assaulted, or that men should be belittled and mistreated like women?( a rant?)

I remember I got called a terf like maybe two or three months ago and it bothers me because I worry if I could be aligned in that horrible theory. I always thought the main core of terfism was that you are “ gender critical “ and you ironically just like the patriarchy don't think a woman could ever be smart enough to know the difference in literally - anything? i like trans woman too many folks...i like women - cis and trans...they're cute and awesome ...so like how could you not?  Im bringing this up because as of late ive had a very angry and almost cold voice that respond when i see violence against women because people felt entitle to people bodies and just like school shootings and trumps camps I have to numb myself too it or otherwise i would literally go on a suicidal/homicidal spree.  “ a women’s death is nothing in comparison to a man’s freedom. a woman;s discomfort is nothing in the way of a man entitlement “ I dont like that phrase. i feel like if come off to me as the epitome of femi nzai if that’s even a thing anymore since the men who hated them are most likely real nazis. Listen im 28 and stuck in a house with two men who double-crossed me and are only taking care of me because i decided to quit my job. im only in this house with someone who i thought was literally going to harm and someone who stolen moeny from me becuase as a soceity i have been mold to bend until i break and be gaslighted as “ an irrational fuhmal” not even human if i bring it up. its 2019 and im still tlaking to people who think its ok to count thier two stay at home mothers as an example of why women get paid less because they work less but tell em that the 50 women i work with at a company dont count becuase that’s my just my feelings  and smirk and bring up “ toxic feminity” like that not a sub division of toxic masculinity - Because women DID NOT tell other women to compete with other women in order to get men  Because women DID NOT teach other women that it’s ok to hit men and that men shouldn't cry  Because other women DID NOT teach other women that men couldn't be raped, should always pay the bill Not in the beginning ...that was toxic masculinity but how dare I expect men to accountability for responsibility - that’s just one of the privileges of being a male. and stop telling women when they get hurt by a man that they should of got a guy form thier family. You mean the same guy who was allowed to walk around in thier underwear while i had to fully dress in my home at 9 years of fucking age because my body attracted raped and his didn't or as i like to say it “ boys will be boys but girls should know better by knowing nothing at all” 

Listen I don't think the world would be better if men didn't exist. I don't think the world would be better if men were put under the social pressure of women . Im just dont exist in this society any more as hetero passing individual because i dont get along with it’s morals. im so fucking tired of watching women dying because “ a man has his needs...and his excuses “ and before the misandry parade comes put the cuffs again - i dont mind being a misandrist as much as i don't want to be a terf but again im not looking to get in fights with men. I honestly wish i was invisible to them since seeing me as anything as a female is so socially ingrained is impossible and understanding - im not even mad. make go back in the kitchen jokes, shit on my existence, make me play this doll for the sake of your “ cool girl because if i dont letyou hug me, if i show even a sign of resistance to your sexual banter or your anti feminist logic or your victim-shaming statements...im no longer an object of convenience...and i potentially become a another death statistics  and to the “ protect the boys” brigade aka the people who come screaming from/the corner of this hellsite like someone told your child santa doesn't exist when a woman says something like  “ you know i like getting dress up for other women I try not to think about men “ “ im not here for emotionally unavalible boys” “ I'm not here for men who don't want to fix themselves” ” I'm not worried about children and men “ ” I didn't find him interesting so i didn't give him a chance ” and then you mofos come of the fucking woodwork screaming like a motherfucking banshee  ” BOYS NEED LOVE ! IF YOU DONT WANNA FiX HIm HOW IS HE GOING TO GROW ?!” ” DONT SAY MEN ARE TRASH ! TOXIC MASCULINITY IS A RESULT OF HIM NOT BEING LOVE PROPERLY !” ” IGNORE THEM BOYS WE WONT LET THEM FORGET YOU “ * animal like screeching To you ; you dont care about men. You care about the status quo. You think if men become “ as emotional as fuhmales “ (because half of you don't see women as anything but her genitals ) that they will break down. you don't want men to make a connection between the idea that men need to sex in order to be valuable even if that means taking it and that anyone who take sex is a rapist because then men would have to be accountable for their actions. They would feel bad and you wouldn't want your favorite child to feel bad, after all if they feel bad they cant let loose and be the “ best version” of themselves- even if that version of themselves is a fucking dumpster fire. You want them to be the full end of this spectrum at the expense of your less favorite child ( women ). You might be someone who just, in general, have fed into the bullshit that woman are liars ( another concept that makes it easier for rape culture to be prevalent and strong ) and that men are calm, collective beings who are being neglected thanks to feminism and woman not focusing on them. you might think “ well logically if you only tell men they're trash they're going to be trash “ Ive been told i was a bitch , a fake, a slob( that is true. i am dirty af and i will not put on deordorant unless someone coming), pathetic and useless.  I decide one day that if i didnt like any of those things i would change it , becuase if i didnt like being those things that i needed to change them for me. I CHANGE WHEN I DIDNT LIKE MYSELF and before anyone says anything i have had depression and anxeity. i have been gaslighted and bully for years but at the end of the day my change didi not come from people cheering me up or tearing me down it came from ME being critical of myself nad my actions. And that’s why you “ what about the boys” people dont love men as much as you say you do . You're so afraid of them becoming something more than your baby boy being more than what you want, greater than what society has allow that you would rather make in a pacified monster than a human being. you guys hate men and i cannot stand any of you  to the young man who has  been discriminated against because you weren't born as a cis male  were raped by women and wasn't respected by either woman or men when you look for support  gritted your teeth and read through all my rambling you're valid. you worried about having your whole life ruined by false rape accusations or in general, you are generally afraid of adding to a woman’s concern when it comes to men. you dont like being around certain woman becuase you feel they are too touchy are they are the one who the moment you dont find them attractive and everyone includes other men invalidate you're right to not want to be touch. you fucking have to control your urge to gut punch every time you here the phrase “ men are trash “ becuase you understand the phrase isnt about you and some smart ass is like “ if its not about you why are you getting mad “. Like we all know why you're mad - but we know you're better than that.  I appreciate you questioning your friends on thier used of rape jokes and trying to implied that sexual assault doesn't exist becuase “ if the guy attracted females dont complain “ I think you're wonderful...but i want out  becuase my death is just another occurrence. being someone’s property as a child, wife or even friend means nothing now. my death is nothing different than throwing out an aluminum can. i no longer wonder if the person im talking to is capable of rape. i know longer wonder if ill makes it home safely. i know get angry about wanting to do things like move out on my own, be respected by men and not feel that my feelings are constantly being pacified like a battery operated doll who the owner is cooing to work.  I expect it. and when it doesn't happen i hold my breath and try to not think about tomorrow where ill pretty much have the bar set that low again. I expected to have my feelings band aid with “ well im sorry someone hurt you “ or “ youre apart of the problem thinking like that”. when something im uncomfortable with happens i dont go out in a rage but belitting my feelings as “ sensitive” or “ stop being a bitch “ roll off me.  Humankind is capable of amazing thing and i know change is possible...but i dont expect it anytime soon. ....I really just want out. its 2019 and women are still getting killed becuase of entitlement and the only ing most of you is complain that it happens to men too.....Im tired of pretending this society cares if i was murder right now. you only careif i fit the commodity of the day...I want out for i am so very tired 

#suicide mention #sucide trigger #homicide mention #homicide trigger #sexism #toxic masculinity #heteronormative society #cursing

[hisoillu-prompts]

Really long: Dragon AU

(sorry about paragraphs that seem rambly, this was me throwing ideas together. A fic that I was going to write but never got to it but it NEEDS to be made)

In which Hisoka is a dragon that terrorizes the kingdom of the Zoldycks, stealing livestock from farms, burning down towns, and killing all of their strongest warriors, including the ones sent to kill him. A truly fearsome beast indeed. 

They try to arrange for like a meeting with him but he doesnt show up the first time. Of course, the Zoldycks get pissed and Kikyo would throw a fit because how dare that vile creature, but they would call him again and again and just out of one part boredom and one part annoyance, hisoka would show up. Of course, despite how irritated they are, the two heads(most Silva since Kikyo is still internally fuming) would try to negotiate. But although interested in the gold they offered, Hisoka declines everything(as he does what he does for entertainment).

They ask him what he wants. He seems to think for a bit before asking for the whole household to gather in front of him. After looking, he picks killuia(that white haired kid of yours) since he thought he'll be the strongest/have the most potential(so they can fight lol). He doesnt really notice Illumi because he was kinda in a corner and is basically a shadow(as always), but Kikyo offers up illumi instead(he's my oldest[son]) because of course Hisoka cant take the heir- and Hisoka is would just be like 'eh sure he should be pretty strong too' and decides to let killuia 'ripen'. 

-a kinda transgression by having it sort of from the servants point of view? like 'the eldest prince, Illumi, was very...strange, even in his particularly weird  family. (Mention how he was like robot, empty dark home eyes, almost no emotion, follows orders, has a terrible empty aura kinda feeling, and is creepily good at fighting and killing) i have no idea im sorry

But when he actually gets Illumi the next day or something he's kinda like 'oh u arent scared' and Illumis like 'nah. Now what do u wanna do with me like srsly'

Illumi really longs for his house at first and is sort of at a loss at what to do without any orders, so he kinda just sits around and misses his bed and waits for Hisoka to get back or something. He’s glad that he was taken in place of killuia, as long as his family(and heir) were safe. 

-He eventually adjust, realizing that the silence in the cave really wasnt that new or different than in the castle

-Hisoka terrorizes a new town instead to make up his part of the bargain(although he goes back in his human form to see whats up sometimes) and its like most of the time he would just walk around in his human form as it was more convenient to fight people and yet not get him kicked out/ have to deal with the bother of people shouting at him for being a dragon and waving pitchforks and stuff, but he was kinda going for a chillaxing time when he decided to dragon form wreck Illumis kingdom. He had heard that it was a very strong kingdom of assassins, fairly famous, and he had decided to blow off some steam fighting, and he wasn't disappointed. Much.But anyway Illumi's kingdom was a little out of the way for him, he had to take longer time to reach there, the mountainous kingdom. Dragons all had one cave, unless they wanted to move their treasures to another one/ had another cave just for other treasures. His cave took almost 7/9 hours to fly to from the Zoldyck kingdom, and dragons flew pretty fast.

The Zoldyck family of assassins are basically a miniature kingdom, small with a town underneath their mountain that they protect. The town is relatively normal, with most everyone looking up to the deadly family looking after them. But there are some that try to train to become assassins with the zoldycks as inspiration(maybe they sponsor an assassin guild for the smaller kills they dont bother wasting time with).

-A random asshole villager dude saw illumi in town once with a disguise(as a female) and fell in ‘love’ and trains to be an assassin to rescue her(him) from the dragon. Inwardly he also wants to get into the zoldyck family as well, thinking he can if he impresses them with his rescue of illu and then marrying 'her'. Access to all that wealth and power made one considered untouchable. Illu is disgusted when he hears about this and claims that such a weakling wouldnt last a second in the presence of him nor his family.

-Anyway They both go to town together sometimes. In disguises of course, or if Illumi needs groceries

-eventually they just fall into an easy pattern and be friends and include a scene where Hisokas like 'alright Illu get ready another knight is here to rescue you(because they think you're a girl cough cough) and Illumis kinda just reading a book and letting out the occasional 'frightened(more like monotone) scream from his 'prison'(a giant birdcage cuz Hisoka is flashy as fuck) and the knight is kinda like 'ok that didnt sound like a very convincing scream/her voice isnt that great but i heard her beauty was astounding' -anyway so like Hisoka fuckin rekts him of course and one time a knight actually goes "RELEASE PRINCESS ILLUMI' and Hisoka smirks and Illumi twitches and after the knight is turned into crisps Hisoka turns to Illumi with a shit eating grin like "so i guess youre a princess. You never told me.."And Illumis just like fuck you

(very optional/not really fitting angst)

angst in how Kikyo gave up Illumi(the eldest. The strongest of the children. The one whos been with her the longest.) for Killuia, proving that she cared about him more. 'Or maybe it was because he was older, and this was just one of his responsibilities. But he couldn't help the foreign feeling of something shallowly sinking in his chest' Illumi still is kinda obsessed with Kil, but its more because he was suppose to be the heir and also Mil was kinda a bad child and Illumi actually was lonely so kil played with him a lot but their relationship slowly twisted into a sort of love hate for Illumi. Because even though he didnt care too much about the crown, he did care for his family. Although he wouldnt admit it; and his training refused to show a slip in his mask, Illumi did feel strangely empty when his family rained affection on Kil and only turned to him with orders on their lips. But no it couldnt be jealousy, no WAY would he be jealous of his younger bro! Hahaha! (Just keep telling yourself that, Ill)

(optional random angst end)

-Hisoka considers Illumi part of his 'treasure'/hoard and as all dragons are, he is fiercely protective of his hoard. Not that any thief could make it past Illumi, much less hurt him too much.

-when people describe illumi as 'beautiful and skilled' everyone always assumes that 1. Illu is a woman, and 2, 'skilled' meant as in embroidery or the such. Not in fighting/killing/assassinating. Not that he cant do embroidery because fuck yeah he can and frick yeah does it look good.So everyone is surprised when they see him decked out in armor with a blade pointed at their throat

-illumi like dies or almost dies and is turned into a dragon? Very rare, something about dragons being magical beings - anything can happen blah blah hisoka’s magic dragon magic infused into his body and now he’s filled with dragon magic that his strong will and body and mind turned into his own magic (i dont know where this idea came from, or really how else to explain it- just that past me had a good idea in mind that I now can’t remember)

-sleek, completely black dragon with blue gleam in scales if light hit them just right and sharp, wicked spines/spikes. All sharp angles and sharp lines, like any move can cut someone into ribbons. Deadly. He made hisoka, who was by no means a cuddly looking dragon, look almost soft-but despite misleading appearances, hisoka was definitely the more dangerous. What he lacked in looks he made up for in sheer brute strength and cunning.maybe stronger fire range too.

- illumi breathes blue flames, much much hotter. But small range. And could not stay in dragon form for long since originally human and originally not his dragon magic(it was like oxygen, reusable, but still limited).  Both of them had hard scales

If you looked carefully, you could tell. Hisoka was taller, bigger, you could see muscles rippling through every limb. Illumi lurked more in the shadows, looking slightly bored. .

#hisoillu #hisoka #illumi #illumi zoldyck #hisoillu prompt #hisoillu prompts #hxh #hunter x hunter #hunter x hunter prompts #hxh writing prompts #dragon!au #dragon!hisoka #knight!illumi #this was my fav of all of my ideas #hopefully someone makes it #one day

[tumblunni]

Oh fuck i cant stand this

Ive already almost used up my damn mobile data again and i only bought it yesterday. Fuck i want to go home. You guys are like the only comfort i have here and i dunno what im gonna do when i cant message you again

Fuckin hell stupid shit day! I was supposed to go to a therapy class thing today but the stupid bus went past where my abusive father lives and i had a MASSIVE FREAKOUT and had to go home and then ofcourse to go home you have to go back on the stupid same bus!! I fuckib failed and wasted the doctor's time and he had to grab me to stop me from running off the bus crying and back to fuckin hell dad's house because im shit and i deserve everything he ever did to me

AND THEN fuckin same doctor continues the relentless constant tide of everyone misgendering me and making crass transphobic jokes

"You see you've gotta understand the other opinion" he says, as if trans people werent fuckin raised SURROUNDED by cis people's predjudiced opinion of us and taught it was fact. As if it didnt take me SO MUCH WORK to even become confident enough to stand up for myself! I've gotta see the 'other opinion' that "yknow well families and children use public bathrooms and theyre scared trans people will molest their children so its understandable they want to kick you out or even act violent to you". Yknow the OTHER OPINION that MY OPINION DOESNT MATTER and also MY ENTIRE EXISTANCE IS A CRIME but i'm the one being predjudiced for not accepting that OPINION, right?! Im here trying to tell him that no that isnt rational because there have been LITERALLY NO RECORDED CASES of trans people molesting children in public bathrooms, or even "evil men faking being trans" to do the same thing. There's been more cases of actual cis men breaking into women's bathrooms to drag women out for merely LOOKING trans. More cis women have been harassed because of anti trans laws than they ever did before! But hey "respect that other opinion", right? And also "at least its not as bad as russia" and "but gay pride is everywhere now, that one footballer had rainbow shoelaces." Hey wow i never noticed that not only was homophobia totally over but also transphobia was remotely related to that! Wow! I seriously had to bring out the fuckin 1600s historical investigation on pre-british olde englishe that showed the existance of a gender neutral pronoun before the word "he" ever existed, and the existance of transgender pride and pronoun discussions in the 1800s before the word transgender was even popularized. I cant believe i fuckin had to do a 'show your sources that queer people existed before the internet' IN REAL LIFE. WITH A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. I can point at the damn NHS website but nooooo!

Oh and yknow what got me the most? YKNOW WHAT GOT ME THE MOST?? "We have sick people here, you cant expect them to remember stuff like that. Dont ruin their recovery by bringing up stuff like that." Like..fuckin..IM A FUCKIN PATIENT TOO. I wasnt even asking the other patients to stop hurting me i was asking you the staff to maybe consider it! And seriously you want me to be so super ultra perpetually prepared and perpetually rational and able to keep my existance secret and out of every conversation yet theyre too ill to learn about lgbt people existing? Just a sentence would be too painful? And me living every day being misgendered doesnt impact my ability to recover at all, eh? Fuckin shitting fuck hell.

And i hate it i HATE IT because he's being nice so i'll be the bad guy if i complain. Likehe fuckin..doesnt even know he's being rude and doesnt want to consider the idea. He says 'i dont like your tone' if i suggest the concept and FUCK in that moment i was so fuckin scared he was gonna hit me like my dad did. Or at tge very least kick me out of the hospital if i dont cooperate with him. He just fuckin..thinks he's perfectly unbiased and accepts everyone and "oh but i like to make fun of everyone equally". And i even fuckin raised the subject that people who say that often only make fun of minorities and never themselves, the majority, or major power structures. And he's just like 'yeah yeh i hate people like that'. Whoosh. Rigjt over the head. God i wasnt even TRYING to be passive aggressive i was trying tk outright tell him why what he said was upsetting me but NOPE. Trying to explain how its just so hard and tiring to have to verrrrrry patientlyyyyy explain yourself to EVERYONE EVERY DAY CONSTANTLY while they sling loads of rude words at you and it should be just allowed because they 'dont know better'. Like you ask me to educate you but at the same time im rude if i actually tell you?? And god i also tried to explain how the fuckin bathroom violence thing isnt an example of 'educating another opinion' AGAIN by saying like... If someone just asked me to explain being transgender i would. If someone just said they were uncomfortable i would leave. That's 'another opinion'. Reacting with slurs and violence to a trans person existing and not doing anything to you is not 'another opinion' and its not someone who 'just didnt know'. He was seriously trying to argue that it WASNT BIGOTED it was just someone rationally being afraid for their children because of a danger that doesnt exist, and rationally reacting with extreme violence rather than doing anything else. Rationally. RATIONALLY. oh just MISTAKENLY committing a hate crime! Cos they just didnt know trans people exist! Not cos they hate us! Oh no! Yeah sure we totally have a fucking DUTY to educate these POOR UNKNOWING PEOPLE while theyre attacking us, and its our damn fault if we didnt...

And just fucking FUCK i hate how someone can say all that stuff and still be "nice" and still not hate me personally? Like its so messed up?? He's not anti trans or anything he just has so much more damn sympathy for cis people than trans people, and puts all the onus on us to somehow prevent our own murders. And he thinks that "i dont have a problem with trans people" means doing LITERALLY NOTHING to change your behaviour to make trans people feel accepted. They should just magically know that your jokes are jokes when theyre surrounded by so many people saying it honestly, in CONSTANT FEAR OF THAT EXACT THING LEADING TO VIOLENCE. And like in order to be "a guy who has no problem with trans people" he has to do nothing, while in order for me to be not bigoted against HIM it means i have to never get offended by his jokes and also never talk about myself and also constantly educate him about things because he doesnt want to learn, even though he works in a hospital thats supposed to have an anti discrimination policy. Like fuckin just NOT HURTING LGBT PEOPLE doesnt make you discrimination free, shit like telling me to misgender myself because my pronouns would confuse the other patients is kinda fuckin fucked up. Also "that's a question for later" is all i CONSTANTLY get when it comes to talking about legal name changes or therapy or even just talking to an lgbt support group. I have to wait until i stop being depressed because oh no im talking about too many mental illnesses at once. Its been seven years and i havent fuckin stopped being depressed, bitch! Ever consider a fuckin symptom of gender dysphoria is a big ol fat depression!!! And just gahhhhh he was so fuckin baffled and angry that i would dare to get emotional about the subject?? Like he just saw DEBATING WHETHER TRANS PEOPLE ARE REAL and WHETHER PEOPLE WHO MURDER THEM FOR USING THE BATHROOM ARE JUSTIFIED as a perfectly normal casual discussion that a Non Transphobic Man could have with his transgender friend. Why oh why would i cry about this casual hypothetical discussion? Hey its not like it fuckin affects me directly! "Well its never happened to you right?" A Ha Ha Ha Ha. Also fuckin "so which bathroom do you use?" and "well you're not really transgender if youre not getting the surgery-oh wait you do want the surgery? How does that work then?" I swear i could just see the gears turning in his head and he was about to say "do you want both down there". Gahhhhhh *cringes myself into a tiny tumbleweed and blows away*

Also the entire time he kept calling being trans a sexuality and also asexuality. "No youre not trans youre asexual right?" Yeah sure ive just been saying im trans and saying im not a girl and wearing a chest binder and talking this entire conversation about my experiences as a trans person in public bathrooms just to pull an elaborate prank on you. And like i know what he meant is that he thought the word for nonbinary was asexual (has asexuality REALLY made so little progress towards getting into the sex ed curriculum in the entire 25 years of my life?) But like seriously he was like "youre not really trans if youre nonbinary". And then fuck dude i dont wanna explain how surgery works to you!! And especially not also my entirely unrelated sexuality that has entirely different equally upsetting predjudices!

Ans gahhhh fuck i just got no sympathy for crying and he acted as if it was just some wildly unexpected occurance he never could have predicted. And i hate it cos he's nice to me whenever the subject is about anything else. I cant get any symoathey from ANYONE because he's A NICE GUY and why dont i just understaaaaaand other opinionnnnnns

I wanted to fuckin quit this whole thing on the spot and go home. Only reason i cant is because my support worker is off work until thursday auauauaughhh

Fuck at least one positive i guess is that ive made progress in the social anxiety or at least gotten better at giving the impression im making progress. Cos i want to LEAVE AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. And also fuck all my other worries seem less suicide-inducing when im actually getting the closest ive ever been to killing myself on a daily basis because of a stupid other thing that i never could have predicted. Go here for one form of self hate, come home with another! Yayyyyy

And fuck i havent even made a single bit of progress on drawing or writing anything and i cant practise making ganes cos my laptop cant run rpgmaker and i havent even started reading my giant pile of books cos they fuckin LOOK THROUGH THE WINDOW EVERY SINGLE HOUR TO MAKE SURE YOU AINT KILLED YOURSELF. i have no fuckin pribacy and its making me wanna kill myself even more!! I just live constantly on edge looking at the fuckin door window and i cant even do anything to distract myself because im too scared of them looking at me!! Or barging in at no notice to tell me i have to do some big stressful thing RIGHT NOW because i dont even get advance notice of anything aaaa! And fuck i dont have anywhere to go to even calm down from a panic attack cos i have no privacy so at least im getting over being scared of going outside cos outside is the only place i can go to cry. Fuckin strangers in the crowd at least wont cause shit if they see me.

Fuck i want to go home. Fuck i wish i had enough money to keep buying mobile internet. Its like fuckin 750mb a day to run tumblr but its all ive got to talk to any person who doesnt hate me or patronize me or think im faking a bunch of shit or whatever the fuck. And im not even any fun to be around when im like this so im probably just ruining your day too. And im probably gonna vanish again soon and then just go back to crying alone and getting worse and probably never being able to leave

I knew it was gonna be stressdul but i didnt predict any of this.. I just wanna fuckin die. I wanted to jump out the car and go to my old dad's house and have him pull open the door and slap me around a bit. Like call me a fucking dyke, call me a sick retard, be honest about your feelings! I'd fuckin take being abused over this "oh youre the bad one for being mad because i had goooood intentions" reverse psychology bigotry from hell. Either these people are evil geniuses or theyre even more stupid like me. Fuckin shit dad please manifest in my room and slap me, killing me instantly. I feel like being scared of you would at least be a faster emotion than this nebulous sensation of confusing unease and dysphoria 24/7 for 6 fuckin months. One week done, haha! Hahahabahahahahahahahahahahahahshahahahahahshshshahshahahahhahahaaaa

#suicide mention #im sorry #all their no privacy shit doesnt even work cos i was just left alone all night when i wanted to kill myself #and took then three days to notice the wound on my arm #didnt cut my veins or anything dangerous i just couldnt stop scratching #at my skin for an hour and now there's a bit of a mess there #but its scabbed over so its fine #i drew all over the other arm to keep from hurting myself again #i thought i was okay after that nice experience at the build a bear workshop but im even #worse today cos now i k ow the staff are just fuckin fine with transphobia and im gonna just have to #shut my mouth i guess #fuck just look forward to the art classes whenever i finally get to do them #but i was looking forward to the class today and then i couldnt do it cos i got all scared of dad #fuckkkkkkk

[multifandomstorys]

Mcu spider-man 6 fan fic

Chapter 3

Green goblin- your no son of mine your a failure goodbye Harry

Norman- sorry son there can only be one goblin

Harry's life less body lies there on the floor

Norman puts his costume on and flys away

Green goblin- let's find some new people to play with shell we

Peter walks into the daily bugal angry and upset after what Harry has just done

Peter- jj I got pictures of the new spider-man outfit

JJ- crap crap extra crap I'll give you $50

Peter smashes the desk kicking JJs chair

Peter- i need more mony you peace of shit

JJ- guards get him out of here

Peter aggressively walks

Peter swings home going to sit down he sees Ned Gwen and Michelle they were crying

Peter-what's wrong

Michelle- its Harry hes body was found this morning he was stabbed and a note was left saying the itsy bitsy spider will get squashed by the goblin

Peter looks away not crying but annoyed he knows goblins on his case he turns back round

Peter- that's terrible news the goblin must of killed Harry and I might know who the goblin is it has to be Norman

Michelle- HE KILLED HIS OWN SON

Peter- I think so I'll dig into it more

Meanwhile kingpin watches from a far

Kingpin- tonight we will from a plan follow that girl and make sure she does not leave well pay a little visit

Peter- I need to stop goblin before things get out of han-

Green goblin- hello spider-man long time no see AHAHAHA

Spider-man- you killed your own son you sick old bag

Green goblin- oh well sacrifice has to be done sometimes only one goblin will rule the city

Green goblin- sorry spider got to go I have business to attend to like blowing up the city AHAHAHAHA

green goblin gets away

Spider-man- god damm I'll get him soon

Meanwhile the kingpin pulls up to Peter's house seeing Michelle he asks his guards to stay put

Kingpin walks up the stairs and smashes the door down

Michelle screams

Michelle- who the hell are you what do you wan-

Kingpin punches Michelle

Kingpin- I know who your little bugfriend is I know all about you

Michelle goes to get up but kingpin puts his foot on her hand

Kingpin- listen very carefully I wont kill you if you tell your little spider-man to stay out of my city this is mine to rule forever if you dont I'll tear your body part of one by one and maybe I'll kill your baby you dont want that do you

Michelle- ok ok I'll tell peter please go please

Kingpin glad we could see term to term bye for now

Peter swings through the window we the kingpin drives of

Peter- Michelle what the hell happened

Peter sees Michelle with a bad hand and her face bleeding

Michelle- a man came her called kingpin he punched me and said he'd tear my body parts out one by one and kill our baby if I didn't tell you to back of him

Peter smashes the table and throws it out the door

Peter- HE DID WHAT HE CAME TO MY HOME MY HOME AND THREATENED YOU HOW DARE HE IM GONA WRIP HIS THROAT OUT FROM HIS MOUTH WHILE I SPIT IN HIS FACE ARRRRE ARREEE

peter starts to get more angry smashing glasses and plates

Peter- ILL KILL HIM ILL KILL HIM ILL TREAR HIM LIM TO LIM

he puts on his suit and swings to fisk tower

Kingpin- ahhh so you got the message

Spider-man- YOU COME TO MY HOME AND TRY TO HURT MY FAMILY MY HOME MY MICHELLE MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME AND YOU TRY TO HURT MY MICHELLE NOW IM GONNA WRIP YOUR LUNGS OUT AND THE PLUS SIDE IS I GET TO LAUGH WHILE DOING IT

Peter's mind

Venom- YESS PARKER YESSS

Peter- no I need to get out of this abyss this black hole I need to get through to me