#but it's spiraling me right back into feeling like the worst friend in the world which in turn makes me convinced no one actually likes me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

joequiinn · 25 days

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The Dos & Don'ts of Fake Dating | E.M. x reader | pt. 1

[all chapters here]

summary: You propose a crazy idea to the resident freak of Hawkins, Eddie Munson. But maybe he was even crazier for agreeing to it…

notes & tropes: fem reader, faking dating, opposites attract, bratty rich bitch reader, super minor revenge plot, not-quite-enemies-to-lovers

a/n: Was I the only one who turned 18 a month into their senior year and then proceeded to spiral and become The Worst version of themself possible?? Well, this fic is semi-inspired by that shitty part of my life lmao. Reader figure skates though. I can’t figure skate, hurts my feet lol. I never expected to write a fake dating story, but Eddie Munson has had me bewitched for nearly 2 years now, so here we go.

(if you'd like to be added to a tag list, pls let me know!)

wc: 3.9k

Chapter One

The idea came to you during a student council meeting as the class president was droning on about the ‘85 homecoming preparations: you needed to do something crazy, something completely and utterly out of character.

Maybe it was because of your ex breaking up with you just weeks before school started. Maybe it was that senior year itch. Maybe it was the realization that you were turning 18 next week. Hell, maybe you just woke up that morning with a strong sense that the things in your life were no longer satisfying you.

Whatever the cause, since the start of your senior year, you’ve just felt so off.

Your ex, Duncan, breaking up with you right before school started was a low blow, and an absolutely shitty feeling - you didn’t date much, but when you did, it was never the guy that ended things. It wasn’t shitty because you were in love and oh so heartbreak, it wasn’t shitty because you saw a future with him. It was shitty because of how goddamn embarrassing it was.

To your peers, you were a couple that made sense, and in fact people had been urging you to go out for a while. And, obviously, you had grown to like him, considering that you were in a relationship for six months - you never would have put up with him for that long if you didn’t actually like him. But the fact that he broke up with you, and not the other way around, left a sour, spiteful taste in your mouth.

So, perhaps it was that break-up that made you feel different this entire month. Or maybe it was your impending 18th birthday, which made you realize just how close you were to legal adulthood. Whatever the cause, every single aspect of your life up to this point suddenly came under your deep scrutiny. You just weren’t… happy?

That made it sound bad, but what were you enjoying right now? What got you excited every day? As you sat in the student council meeting, zoning out since the very start, you came to think that maybe you had nothing going on right now that you genuinely wanted in your life.

Hell, you weren’t even on the student council because you enjoyed it, Janet just dragged you into it back in your sophomore year. You figured she loved the sense of importance it gave her. She and everyone else in the council probably got off on how important they felt, the dictators of Hawkins High School.

You always ran in this crowd, and before you never questioned it. The popular kids, the rich kids, the successful kids. You don’t remember ever choosing these friends and acquaintances - if anything, it seemed that these peers were all a constant, as if they’d always been there from the very start. You figured it was the natural state of the world - as the daughter of one of the richest men in town, you were predestined to end up here. Not here as in the student council, surrounded by other spoiled rich kids debating the difference between turquoise and cyan. But here in an even broader sense - in a finely curated life, in all the “right” circles, on the path to either greatness or becoming the trophy wife of greatness.

Up until now, you’d never questioned it. Yes, mom and dad, you were a popular kid whose free time was fully booked between college prep, figure skating, student council, dates with a cookie-cutter boyfriend, and everything else under the sun. Yes, mom and dad, you were doing everything they all told you too because it would look great on your college applications, because that’s what you’re supposed to do, because that’s how things have always been done.

It started to dawn on you maybe a week or so into the school year just how mundane you were - you never questioned your time spent skating or on extracurriculars, you never went against the order of things as dictated by only the most popular of your peers. That’s just what was done, what was always done. But after your ex dared to break up with you, you came to realize recently that maybe all of this wasn’t what you wanted - maybe it was time to start making some choices for yourself instead of worrying what your parents told you or what your peers thought or what to do to keep your boyfriend semi-happy.

So, you started to consider what exactly it was that you wanted. And that proved to be more challenging than you anticipated, which probably would have sounded extremely pathetic if you had said it to any of the people sitting next to you.

Did you like figure skating? Of course, it was your idea after all. What you didn’t like was the pressure from your mother to train and become an Olympian, a feat that was never your intention when you took up the sport at six years old. Besides, you told her, you were way past the age for trials, you’d never get in (or, at least, that’s what you told her, because how the hell would you know whether or not there was a cut off age).

Did you like your friends? You thought so - you’d known them virtually your entire life, so you never questioned your relationship with them. But proximity didn’t necessarily go hand-in-hand with likeability. Maybe some of them you actually liked, but the rest? No, they were just around because they always had been.

Did you like your relationship before Duncan broke up with you? No, probably not. Of course, your opinion of him and that entire relationship was soured now, but even at the time, you were probably just going through the motions, doing things that couples do without any real heart in it.

So… What did you want? What did you actually like?

It was jarring to realize that your entire life had been dictated and finely tuned for you from the moment you were born, that even the things you wanted had been molded into new shapes by your parents or your peers or your teachers.

Once you realized how little of your life was in your own hands, you couldn’t get it out of your head. You always saw yourself as someone who was in control, as someone who couldn’t be told shit. And yet, you came to realize that that was far from the truth. It was as if suddenly everything about your life was something you hated. You hated your classes, you hated your friends, you hated running in the same circle as your ex, you hated all your obligations. Through the first few weeks of senior year, all you felt was frustration, disinterest, and absolute boredom with everything around you. Something had to change. And during the bullshit student council meeting, you became determined to make it happen.

So, over the course of that boring as all hell meeting, you tried to figure out what you wanted, and how you were going to get it. You set a goal for yourself, silly but helpful considering the structure you were so accustomed to: you’d set your plan in motion on your birthday. New year, new you, right?

Once you gave yourself that deadline, you then had to think about what exactly you were trying to accomplish - yes, you wanted to make some major changes, you wanted to, in a way, become a new person, but how were you going to do that?

You settled on four key things to keep in mind:

You wanted to piss off your parents big time - your dad barely acknowledged your existence and your mom coddled you, so actually upsetting them would be a feat unto itself. You had to become so awful that even your mother would stop making excuses for you.

You needed to drop your friends - the more you thought about all the people you grew up alongside, the more you realized that you weren’t particularly interested in relationships with any of them. Whether you made new friends or not wasn’t a priority, in fact you kind of liked the idea of just being left alone.

You had to figure out what you actually enjoyed - outside of skating, you had no idea what really interested you, what you would like to do with your life and your free time. You figured it was time to do some self reflection and focus on finding things that you’d actually enjoy.

And, most importantly, you had to get back at your ex. Yeah, it was stupid to be motivated by a boy, but nothing would make you happier than seeing him worked up and frustrated. Your focus wasn’t on trying to win him back or anything like that - you wanted to piss him off, to exact some kind of revenge for making you look like an idiot when he broke up with you at a party that all your friends had attended.

How you were going to accomplish these, however, was yet to be determined. But they were a damn good starting point, and they got you motivated to become an absolute nuisance to everyone around.

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The Friday following the student council meeting, you decided to first experiment with a little something, satiate a mild curiosity. To anyone else, it was probably the most mundane thing in the world, but to a high schooler who thought graduation was life or death, doing anything out of the ordinary felt nail-biting.

You were going to sit at a new lunch table.

You had just two days left until your birthday, until you’d officially set your plan in motion, so you still had a little more time to come up with something. So far, you couldn’t think of shit. You were already someone who was blunt and commanding and mean, whose thoughts and feelings were always on your face, so people were used to you being bossy and a little miserable - you couldn’t start being meaner or blunter, you just knew that wouldn’t be enough. Maybe you could start skipping class, maybe you could start flaking on friends, but somehow none of that felt like enough, like it wouldn’t make a statement. You had to really make an impression, to really set yourself up for a total ruination of your social status, you just hadn’t figured out how.

But a new lunch table was as good a starting point as any, right?

You chose a table at the far end of the lunchroom; customarily your group of friends, acquaintances, and ex sat centrally, surrounded by the jocks on one side and the academics on the other. The new table you chose was only occupied by two other people, a dorky little couple who looked at you funny when you sat as far from them as possible. In turn, you gave them an icy cold glare, prompting them to look away quickly, like you were a Medusa who could turn them to stone.

Your stupid little lunchroom plan was a bust, though. Five minutes into your peaceful lunch, your two closest friends, Amelia and Janet found you, each looking perplexed and put-off by your seat of choice. They looked around before lowering into the seats around you, their expression full of something akin to disgust, as if sitting at a different table was that offensive.

“What are we doing over here?” Amelia asked judgmentally, eyeing the couple at the opposite end of the table. Across the lunchroom, a few people (including Duncan) from your usual lunch table looked at you funny, “It’s like we’re exiled or something.”

So dramatic, you thought while staring harshly at her.

“Change of scenery.” You answered plainly, stabbing at the food in front of you. Amelia hummed in acknowledgement, but still made it quite clear that she didn’t agree with the decision.

“What, does this have something to do with Duncan?” She jabbed, receiving another nasty look from you, “So, he’s a jerk? Get over it.”

You should’ve known this idea was too simple to work. Of course they’d just follow you like the lemmings that they were, just as unable to make their own decisions as you were. Yeah, you definitely needed to try something bigger to scare them off.

Briefly, you thought that you could maybe tell them, just say point blank, “Amelia, Janet, I hate being around you and this friendship is done.” But, again, you figured that wouldn’t be good enough, that they’d laugh at your mean sense of humor even if you reiterated yourself. In this crowd, being mean was never enough to make your point, because all of you were nasty, not only to each other but to virtually everyone you met.

And despite your well-known attitude problem, you still cared about Amelia and Janet, flaws and all. These were the girls that you’d known since you were five years old, of course you worried about their feelings at least a little bit - nearly 13 years of friendship would do that to anyone. Guess you had more of a heart than you gave yourself credit for.

You definitely needed a foolproof plan to get out of this friendship, this social circle, this popular bubble that you’d always been trapped in. The friendship had to end without you saying so. You had to push them out until they finally gave up on you. Make it seem like it was their idea, that would definitely work on them.

As you schemed, Amelia and Janet chatted around you. Various acquaintances stopped by the table, all with the same question: what the hell were you guys doing sitting all the way out here? Even Duncan was amongst those that asked, trying to ignore the way you glared daggers at him. Amelia and Janet gave various responses, all of which put blame on you as if this simple little decision meant their utter ruination.

As Duncan was preparing to walk back to your usual lunch table, a commotion rose out in the hallway, the echo of rapid footfall drifting in through the doors. Multiple heads turned to face the cafeteria doors with curiosity, some people peeked out into the hall to check what the yelling was about, scurrying back to their friends to report what they’d seen. You, Amelia, Janet, and Duncan all waited silently, sharing raised brows and curious looks.

Not even a minute later, Eddie freaking Munson came crashing into the lunchroom, a look of total glee on his face as he cackled, not even remotely fazed by all the eyes on him. As he tumbled through the cafeteria doors, you jumped a little at the burst of sound. Eddie’s disruption turned everyone’s heads now, the lunchroom silent in shock and loathing as the resident outcast ran between tables, heading for the set of doors at the opposite end of the room. Your gaze was locked on the shit disturber as he blew past your table, carelessly running into Duncan in the process, but even that collision didn’t slow him down. Duncan yelled at him, but Eddie was focused on one goal, and if this were a cartoon you definitely would have seen dust kick up behind him from how quickly he was moving.

Not too far behind was Coach Miller, a look of absolute rage marring his puffy red face as he pursued Eddie. It didn’t even seem to cross his mind that he was making a fool of himself in front of the entire student body - his only focus was stopping the offender of whatever shenanigans currently pissed him off.

Your gaze turned back to the excited Eddie, an undeniable curiosity rising in you - what the hell did he do to piss off Coach Miller this bad? Sure, the coach was always pretty damn temperamental, but you couldn’t recall ever seeing him look quite this upset before.

Eddie paused at the cafeteria doors to turn and pull a mocking face at the coach before darting from the room, as if nothing in the world could touch him and he was unstoppable.

As Coach Miller disappeared after Eddie and students returned to their usual conversations, albeit with an air of awkwardness, you stared at the cafeteria doors thoughtfully.

That’s when an idea began to form.

You needed to take a page out of Eddie Munson’s book. If anyone in this school knew how to be a thorn in everyone’s side, it was him. So, you spent the remainder of your lunch brainstorming, trying to figure out how to channel even a sliver of Eddie’s energy; you only chimed into the conversation when someone spoke to you directly.

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In the middle of fifth period, you still weren’t quite sure what your game plan was, but you at least had a vague starting point. While your history teacher rambled on about some significant European war that you couldn’t begin to care about, you tapped your pencil as you thought about Eddie Munson (a sentence that very nearly grossed you out).

You’ve known about him since your freshman year - at the time, he was a year ahead of you, but since then he’d been held back. People always sneered when talking about him, as if Eddie was the most offensive thing they’d ever encountered, as if he was some kind of plague. He went against all social norms you’d learned up to that point, he was contradictory to everything you’d ever been taught about social conduct and likeability - he wore ratty clothes, listened to scary music, acted out in the most theatrical ways possible, and never seemed to give a shit what anyone thought.

You had never spoken to Eddie personally. Through the years you’d had a few classes together, including your math class this year, so you’ve witnessed some of his antics. But really, you knew nothing about the guy. Just the things that everyone else told you, and those things were nothing good. Whether or not Eddie was as bad as people said didn’t matter to you. His reputation was shit, and in this instance that’s exactly what you needed.

So, how were you going to ruin your senior year with the help of Eddie Munson? Well, at the very least, maybe you first had to have a conversation with him. It would be pretty stupid to walk up to him and go “hey, Munson, I know everyone here hates you, how about we chat and you make them hate me, too!”

Maybe you needed to find a way to hang out with him? Pretend to be friends long enough that the rest of the student body begins to ostracize you? With a little amused huff, an even worse thought crossed you: maybe you needed to pretend you were interested in Eddie Munson for a while, that was sure to piss just about everyone off. Especially Duncan.

But then the idea gave you pause.

You could not pretend to flirt with, or even date, Eddie fucking Munson. No chance in hell that would work. No way he would go for it, and no way you’d be able to tolerate him long enough to convince anyone that you were even remotely into him.

But… maybe?

Shit, what a stupid idea.

Or maybe it was a brilliant one.

You mulled it over a few minutes longer - if you were going to, somehow, convince Eddie Munson to pretend to date you, you needed to offer him something in exchange, that was obvious. You needed to give him a good reason to help you out, or this plan was never going to work. Its chances of success already seemed slim to none.

You had one idea, though you weren’t entirely certain if he’d go for it.

Your Uncle Tom was a cop, had been with the force your entire life - and you’d bet he’s probably had at least one run-in with Eddie. Maybe you’d tell Eddie that you could get cops to leave him alone, to stop watching him wearily whenever they were around. You couldn’t promise him too much, of course, but you knew at the very least that you could get your uncle to leave him alone. Or you could even take the fall here and there for whatever trouble Eddie inevitably lands himself in - what cop was stupid enough to arrest the niece of a cop and the daughter of a man who owned half of Hawkins?

It wasn’t foolproof, and you knew there were flaws to be found, but it just might work.

So, with your mind made up, you rip a scrap of paper from your notebook and scribble out a quick message:

Let’s make a deal. Sunday. You pick the time and place. Locker #436

You’d hoped that Eddie would be smart enough to realize that you wanted him to write you back, to drop his own stupid note in your locker so you could meet up and tell him your stupid, crazy idea. God, this better work.

You swiftly raise your hand in the air, giving a small impatient wave when your teacher didn’t acknowledge you right away, instead trying to focus on his lecture.

He rolled his eyes when he spotted your hand in the air, pointing at you and saying in an annoyed monotone, “What’s so important that you’re interrupting?”

Without any hesitation, you state bluntly, “Lady troubles.”

The teacher looks shocked by how plainly you stated it. But because it was you that said it and not someone else, your peers didn’t dare laugh, although a couple boys seemed to choke in surprise or amusement.

“Go, go…” Your teacher waved you off before continuing his lecture, wanting to forget the small interaction entirely.

You exited the room and roamed the halls confidently. Eddie’s locker wasn’t hard to miss - he was one of the students that decorated the metal with crude permanent marker sketches, and the school was too cheap to care about replacing or painting over it. As you approached Eddie’s locker, you checked around to make sure no one spotted you; it wasn’t as if you were committing a crime, but you didn’t need anyone wondering what you were up to in case this plan didn’t work.

So, you slipped the note into his locker, returned to class, and waited impatiently for the final bell of the day to ring, hoping that Eddie would actually stop by his locker and not just leave school without ever seeing your note.

When the end of the day came, it took everything in your power not to rush back to your own locker - just in case, you didn’t want him spotting you there. Why all the secrecy, you sure as hell didn’t know, but you nonetheless continued it.

So, you waited, stopping into the bathroom to check your makeup, walking with Amelia and Janet as they stopped at their own lockers. As the three of you exited the building and walked into the parking lot, you pretended to remember something, telling them that you needed to run back inside. You said your quick goodbyes and went back to wandering the halls, finally opening up your own locker.

It was stupid that your heart leapt when you saw a crudely torn piece of paper resting on top of some of your belongings.

You opened it quickly, eagerly reading the metalhead’s response:

Picnic table behind the football field, 4.

God, what were you getting yourself into.

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x you #stranger things #em #dos and donts

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eveningepiphany · 4 months

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something about the legs | h.s oneshot

summary: something about your best friends legs really does it for you, especially in skinny jeans…

warnings: besties with unexpected and very impulsive benefits, oral sex (mrec), lots and lots of talk about those mfing legs and thighs, dirty talk, h not expecting you to be like that until you are.

a/n: so it’s been a hot minute… hi again🤪 but something rlly just sent me spiralling with this pic of h’s fucking legs. look at them. anyways, enjoy me being a slut and channeling it into some fine literature, enjoy xoxo

———

Ovulation week is a curse. An absolute, utter curse.

Between the multitude of random fluctuating symptoms and skyrocketing hormones, you feel dreaded enough as it is. But the worst part, is every fucking month you become absolutely manic with need.

Some are increasingly better or worse than others, but this month is something off the charts.

There is no warrant for you to be this fucking horny at 9:32pm on a Thursday night. Yet here you are, squirming because you’re around someone that already riles you up enough as it is.

Harry is your best friend. Has been for years. Since the awkward starting phases of middle school. All braces paired with horrendous fashion choices. And into the ages of highschool throughout all the drama and predictable thematics. Into the present, where life throws you curveballs as you enter the world as young adults, and now that he’s in one direction. You can’t imagine going through all that with anyone else.

Actually, maybe it’s fit to mention you’re almost certain that this man never went through an awkward phase… despite the fact possibly everyone else on the planet did. Harry did not.

He was cute from the day he was born, it’s evident in the pictures, up until he hit puberty, then he became some ungodly mix of both cute and ridiculously hot.

It’s disgusting that someone can do both things at the same time. And also revolting that they can have no idea at all.

But tonight, he is all hot. Between the way he’s dressed, the way he’s walking, and the way he’s talking. It’s close to killing you where you’re sat.

Thighs clenched together like there’s a thousand dollar check between them, you sit on a outdoor couch at your family’s holiday house.

It’s just the two of you outside on the large decked patio. It’s a huge house by the lake that your parents and grandparents own, so you invited Harry to come stay for the week. Your family were thrilled you invited him, but have already turned in for an early night. Since they planned to be out on the lake for a day of water activities almost before the damn sun was even fully up.

Harry has a glass of alcohol in his hands— one that is completely dwarfed in his hold. It’s condensation forming small droplets over the ridges of his fingers.

He hasn’t realised the staring you’ve been doing, as he paces the deck talking about something to do with a recent song he’s been writing.

You’re sliding in small hums of agreement at the appropriate times without even hearing what he’s saying. Only the pleasing lilt in his voice that tickles your ears as it enters them.

He’s got those black skinny jeans on, the pair that cling to his hips for dear life. And not only are they fit to his hips, but they hug every single curve on his legs. The thick of his thighs all the way down to the muscle of his calf.

And if anything was the killer for you tonight, it was those.

You’re surprised you’re not drooling on yourself. Which is fucking disgusting, but fact. As there is an over-production of saliva in your mouth right now just looking at his legs.

He is so muscly there. The presumed strength of his thighs makes you actually pant, and you never thought legs did it for you like this. But my god right now, they certainly are.

“But I jus’ dunno Y/N,” he turns to you, causing you to snap your gaze from the curve of his ass which you were shamelessly just staring at, back to his face.

It doesn’t get better for you anywhere you look. The man was built and sculpted by a god. Every feature was painstaking to look at, and not be able to touch.

“What d’ya reckon would sound better?” He asks, nonchalantly, unaware you were just eyeing him up.

You feel some shame now, as you scramble to find an answer for the question you don’t even know the context for.

“Well, i think whatever you feel flows better. Yknow?” You swallow, praying to god it’s diluted enough of an answer that he’ll just take it without question.

He nods, and relief floods through you, “i s’pose you’re right.”

However that relief hardly lasts long, because he’s not as clueless as you’d presumed, “You’re pretty good at giving advice even when you’re only half listening.”

He saunters over from the span of deck he’d been pacing the last 10 minutes, sitting down next to you with a smug look on his face. You feel the cushions dip with his body weight, and you’re so delusioned that even a part of you twinges with desire at the understanding of his weight. The idea of him pressing it down on top of you during—

“What’s on ya mind, love, why are you s’faraway lookin’?” He asks, sipping at his drink with a quirk of his dark eyebrows.

“I—“ Christ. He’s manspreading a bit right now… thighs pushed apart, “I’m just tired. Been a big few days.”

His curly, and boyishly-messy hair is cascading over his forehead and casting a shadow of his green gaze, the same one that’s nailing you where you’re sat right now.

He doesn’t look very convinced. And he’s watching your eyes flicker around, looking guilty of a lie, presumably the words that just came from your mouth.

“You don’t have t’lie, dove.” He laughs, a soft songbird-like chuckle that somewhat eases your tenseness.

You feel so dirty for thinking about him like this. When he can’t tell you it’s okay to be imagining absolutely sinful things you’d do… or let be done when it comes to him. However, you are so hormonal right now, that you don’t have it in yourself to stop.

He was just simply the wrong person, in the wrong place, at coincidentally the right time in your hormonal cycle.

And you feel even worse because there’s years of history behind the two of you. And friends are not meant to think of each other like this, it makes things quickly complicated. And this is not a hallmark film.

“I know.” You sigh out, “it’s not you, H. I’m just… hormonal.”

His first thought was that you were on your period, a look of tender concern flitting across his face.

“Oh, is your period making you feel sick?”

You could laugh at the irony. You are infact neither of the things he thinks. Not bleeding, and not ill.

He has looked after you before when you’ve been in the trenches with your period. He is always so willing to get you anything when you’re not feeling well.

And you can tell by the look on his pretty face he’s about to ask you he can get you anything to help— pain relief, water, snacks or simply a hug.

A gentleman, as always.

But if he asks you if you need anything, you only have one answer and that’s him. You need him, and not in a platonic way. So you interject before he can ask,

“No, quiet the opposite.” You shake your head, pursing your lips.

“But it’s fine,” you amend curtly, “just girl stuff.”

The two of you get consumed by a momentary silence, he was waiting for more information, which you simply were not giving. After a few seconds, he sputters out a sudden laugh.

“You can tell me, if you want, idiot.” He laughs, nudging you with his knee. His very attractive leg being left pressed into yours. “Gross details and personal stuff never usually stop us.”

Your whole body is burning up, overwhelmed. He is so fucking hot, and caring. You want him filling up your goddamn throat.

“No, trust me. This is all left best untold and ignored. I can’t help it, so we’re just ignoring it.” Your tone is certain, and to this he nods. Able to tell that’s as much of an answer he’d be getting for now, so he begrudgingly accepts it.

“Fine, fine, you’re just so stiff. Need t’relax.” He slides his free hand behind your back to pull him into his side.

Tugging you the small distance between you two, your head comes naturally to rest in the crook of his neck. Nose inhaling the woodsy scent of his cologne, smelling like the refreshingly cool breeze on a muggy summer night.

His thumb strokes a delicate back and forth rhythm on the bare skin it’s found between the waistband of your jeans and the hem of your fitted top.

It’s killing you, because he’s so gentle with you. Such a sweetheart really, but you’re breaking out a sweat at the feeling of his fingertips against your skin. You need a cold shower.

You try not to let your eyes wander down to the legs in those fucking jeans.

“S’long as ya alright,” he murmurs into your hair, “is there anything you need from me? ‘Cause if I can do anything for ya, yknow I would.”

Your stomach drops, how are you even supposed to answer that. Your face heats with even more guilt.

Your internal voice drops in her two cents on the question— your cock, she confidently stated. That was what she wanted.

“No, nothing you can do that’s reasonable, H.” You say, too dangerously close to him dragging the truth out of your needy mouth for your liking.

He tilts his head down to look at the profile of your face, curiously prodding further, “How unreasonable are we talking?”

“Ridiculously and foolishly unreasonable.”

“Why?”

“Sh. Don’t make me tell you, because I don’t want to.” You state defiantly, rolling away from his hold, since now you’re talking about it— although vaguely— it’s just making it worse.

Focusing on it is making the need more intense, your eyes feasting unintentionally on his muscled body relaxing on the couch.

He’s got this smirk on his lips. One you want to kiss off.

“You’re blushing, is it that bad?”

You scoff, “Yes, that bad.”

“Okay… so, it’s not your period, and it’s technically fixable— since you just said it’s unreasonable for me to do it… not impossible.” he’s wondering out loud, watching your every move.

Which now you’ve stood up and started pacing, trying to distract yourself from the pulsing between your legs and the begging voice in your head that wants to touch him so badly.

“Stop being nosey! God!” You frustratedly whine out, and he laughs at your sudden anger at not only him, but at seemingly just being a woman.

“Just trying to help, baby, don’t get mad.” He teases, and between his suddenly mocking mouth, your resolve snaps like a fickle twig.

“Fuck, I’m horny. Harry!” You groan out, covering your eyes over with the palms of your hands so you don’t have to see his likely disgusted face at your confession.

But now that you’ve started you can’t stop, “You just… your fucking legs and thighs are just… I don’t know! I’m ovulating and you’re just really sexy, it’s frustrating and I really want to die right now, H.”

In reality, his brows had just shot up with surprise, lips parting in shock. He could not believe you just admitted that.

He glanced down to his legs. He’s just in jeans, it wasn’t like he felt as though they were anything to write home about.

It shocked him that you even… well obviously the two of you are best friends. But it was rare that topics of sex came up, so all the sudden the conversation being about that and also about you is making his head spin.

Yet something comes over him, he doesn’t think as he speaks his next words, “Tha’s not as unreasonable as you made it out to be.”

You snap your hands down from your face, eyes locking onto his— he doesn’t look repulsed or uncomfortable as you had originally expected. He looks inexplicably open to the topic.

“I’ve got somethin’ you need, somethin’ that can fix it, love.” He states, shrugging his shoulders, his voice going almost sultry, “An’ yknow what I said, hm?”

At your silence— because you’re too stunned to even speak— he finishes the sentence for you, “Said I’d do anything for ya.”

Oh, is this quickly snowballing.

“Harry!” You shake your head, it feeling so wrong to be talking about this with him.

He abandons his drink on the small side table beside the couch, standing up and breaching the distance between you.

“Jus’ say the words, and then im yours.” He lowly whispers, and this is about to make you pass out. You’re clenching around nothing in your underwear, and the proposition is so tempting.

“We shouldn’t though. It’s not your responsibility to… satiate me.” You gulp out, nervous, yet body flaming with heat.

“Y/N, best friends help each other out… tha’s all it has to be, jus’ me making y’feel better.” he says, hand coming to run down your upper arm. And the second you started talking about this, his cock has been twitching where it’s confined his jeans.

“You can make all the decisions, all the calls, m’kay?” The statement was reassuring.

You lean into his touch, caving without anymore of a fight, “Okay… alright. Just… tell me if you change your mind. Please?”

His lips curl into a satisfied smile, feeling his hand get taken by yours. It’s much to risky to be fucking around with your best friend on the families patio, so you lead him down the steps into the dark, open backyard.

They have a pier, that’s lit with small solar lights, and that’s the first place you can that is reasonable enough to go. You tug him along the wooden decking it has, feet drumming against it.

Against a tree was too dark, and you at least want to see his cock if you’re getting the opportunity to touch it.

“On the pier, hey? That desperate.” He teases, and you push him with your free hand into one of its big wooden pillars.

“I want your cock down my throat, how’s that for desperate?” You scoff, pulling a laugh of pure shock from his own lips.

“I’m serious, H.” You look at him, stone cold expression. You are so riled up and ready to touch him that you need immediate confirmation this is something he wants.

“Go on, said you wanted it.”

Before you sink down onto your knees, you question him further, “you want this, though?”

A smile spreads over his mouth, “baby, you’re gonna be able to feel just how much i want this when you get down there. I was bricked the second you said you were horny.”

That was all you needed, dropping to the ground on your knees— now with his consent, your filter completely disappeared.

“Fuck me, Harry. I don’t think you understand how sexy you are.” Hands immediately coming up to squeeze the muscle of his thighs.

He hums a noise as he looks down at you on your knees, “Never thought legs would do it for you, but here we are.”

“Only thing i could think about is digging my nails into your thighs…”

You drag your hands back up to where the buckle of his belt laid, grabbing at it and undoing it. Slipping it out of the loops in his pants in a swift movement.

Leaning forward, you lift the hem of his black shirt, pressing your mouth against his happy trail.

You’re a slut for that little teasing patch of hair that dips below his low jeans. It causes you to whine out, a wordless sound of appreciation as you peck kisses over it.

The button and zipper quickly got undone by your nimble hands, and you finally brush over the prominent bulge that’s perked up in his boxers.

A realisation that you’re about to see your best friends dick for the first time kind of hits you, causing you to roll your lips between your teeth.

His suddenly strained voice comes from above you, “fuck, Y/N, don’t get shy with me. Y’can take me out.”

He’s almost ready to beg, even though this is all technically for you. But he didn’t anticipate how sensitive he would be when it’s a special girls hands running over his bulge.

However that’s exactly how it is, he’s already biting his lip as you cup him through his briefs, head tilted backwards with a sudden shared need.

You draw his jeans further down, “patience, im just enjoying you, pretty boy.”

The doting nickname earns a small groan from his lips, paired with the fact you’re now mouthing at his inner thighs. They’re warm and firm, dusted with dark hairs. You suck the most inner and upper part of his thigh into your mouth, causing him to grunt out.

You busy yourself with that particular part of his skin for a moment, rubbing the backs of your hands around the flesh of his ass. Still unfortunately covered by his briefs.

“So fuckin’ good to me, H.” You muttered into his soft skin, dragging your nose over to kiss the fabric covering his hard cock.

It makes him twitch, “letting me do this… and touch you where I want.”

You sound so out of it, replacing your mouth with your hand momentarily so you can go back to kissing his thighs, teeth impulsively barring over them. He shudders at the sensation.

After a bit more teasing, you finally start to pull the waistband of his black calvins down.

When his cock is fully out, you moan. You straight out moan at the sight of it. It’s glistening tip is a flushed red, beading out a sliver of precum for you, and it was safe to say he’s well equipped.

The two of you curse in sync as you hold him in your hand, feeling the weight as you stroke gently.

“Christ, tha’s good.” He curses out, hips stuttering forward slightly. You take a moment to look up at his face.

His cheeks have gone a slight red, and his lips are shiny from his teeth and tongue constantly running over them. Not to mention the way his lidded eyes are gazing down at you.

You hold eye contact as you lean in to lick over his tip in one solid stroke, watching his face twist in pleasure.

It makes your core drip. Seeing his cock, tasting it, watching him react to your touch. It fuels you to take his tip into your mouth, giving a gentle suck.

Your fingers take refugee digging into his thighs, and you are already loosing you mind with him between your lips. Somehow, you’re almost convinced you could come just from sucking on his dick.

Your self control is completely shattered now, you draw back and spit over his length, listening to him groan out as he watches the action.

“Drool on me, darling.” He says, the gentle demand makes you eager to impress him. You liked the idea of him telling you what to do… maybe even forcing you.

Fuck, you are sick and twisted, you scoffed internally at your self. Yet proceeding to gather your saliva and let it dribble down onto him.

“Thank you, thank you…” you murmur against him, and he twitches at your still airy voice. He would kill to know just how wet you were between your legs.

It was such a sight for you though, seeing him start to get slicked up with your own spit. Your mouth reconnected with him, sliding further down, hand coming up to massage his balls.

You’re whining around him now, starting to move in a sort of rhythm over his cock. You can’t help it, you were becoming frantic at him filling your throat.

The vibration of your mouth sends his hand flying into your hair, drawing a cuss from his lips, “fuck, Y/N…”

You get his cock as far as you can into your mouth without gagging— you’ll leave that for a little later— stroking the remainder. There’s something about the way he takes up the space between your lips, the feeling of his thick cock atop your tongue.

You glance up at him, fingertips teasing the inner parts of his thigh. Just as you look up, you give a harsh suck, hollowing out your mouth and lathing your tongue on the underside of him. Feeling the vein that runs along him.

His head almost bangs back against the wooden beam he’s leaning on, you feel the slight stutter of his hips.

A moan reverberated around you, filling your ears pleasingly. You draw back for a breathe, “you taste so good.”

His hand curls in your hair, panting out, “You’re such a needy girl…”

“Like that?” He asks at the whimper that come from you, “like being told that I see how desperate y’becoming?”

You nod immediately, “please…”

At your way of asking for more dirty talk he smiles, “becoming my little slut? Warming my cock with your mouth just because you’re so horny for it.”

When you don’t reply with words, and only a senseless moan, he taps your mouth with his fingers gently.

“Show me, baby.”

You part your lips almost instantly at his command, jutting your wet tongue out, ready to take him back into your mouth.

He guides his cock back between your lips, and that’s about as far as he gets before you have to take over from him again. All he can register is how hot and warm you’re mouth is as it wraps around him again.

You start to bob your head, taking him all the way down your throat with a slight gag. You’re whining without warrant now, all over his spit slicked cock.

It’s paired with his own moans of pleasure and words of praise as you suddenly draw back, flicking over his wet tip with your tongue, teasing it and making him grunt.

Your soul existence quickly slips to being just about his cock and hearing his noises. Being able to look up at him and see the sweat beginning to sheen over his forehead, and the mess of his soft hair.

His eyes are squeezed shut, and he has to forcibly open them every so often to see you. A reality check for himself that down on her knees, is his best friend. Drooling all over his prick with a insatiable need.

“Good fuckin’ girl.” He states as you take him all the way down your throat again.

“Taking me like the slut y’are. Might ‘ave to fuck you like one later, how’s that sound?” His mouth has gone loose now, brain muddled with only thoughts of you in it.

You suck and nod over him, brain rioting with a yes at his question.

“Probably so wet, so warm.” He mutters in half thought, and the idea of him even thinking of you like that makes you clench multiple times in your panties.

You roll you hips against nothing which he is grateful he caught with his half lidded eyes. The look of sheer desperation that crossed your face.

Moving faster, you starting taking his cock at a pace that immediately made his hand coil tighter in your hair.

“Fuck… im gon’ come faster than I’d like if y’keep— shit— doing that.” He moans, and you draw back quickly.

“Need to taste it… please, Harry.” You beg, forcing your throat back down around him once you’d got a breathe.

You gagged around him in full this time, earning his hips bucking against you.

Strings of dirty talk and cusses were flying out of his mouth, like a litany being repeated over and over. He kept praising you.

“That warm mouth…fuck… fucking me so good baby. Want to keep y’down there for hours, like m’personal little cockslut.”

Your nails dug into the backs of his meaty thighs, making you moan around him. Spit was covering your chin as you moved hastily over his hard prick.

“Like that idea?” He asked gruffly, “making you drool all over me like this until I’m empty, an’ y’ve come in y’panties to the point you’re dripping.”

You feverishly bob your head, sucking hard against him. If his bucking hips and loose mouth are any indicator, he’s getting close.

A few more minutes of your mouth, and he’s swearing, “im gonna come, dove— fuck— where do y’want it?”

Trying not to stop to long, looking up at his flushed face and blown out eyes, you lowly plead, “on my tongue, please…”

“Good slut, good fucking girl!” He slurs out.

You draw back to his tip, eager to taste him properly. You spit messily over his pulsing red head, kitten licking over it while your hand fucks the rest of his length at a fast pace.

It has him a wreck, and before he know it, he’s moaning out so loud he’s almost scared he woke someone in the house up.

“Fuck! I’m going to come, baby, im gonna come!”

You watch in completely infatuation as his eyes screw shut and his mouth drops into a gasp for air. You feel his hips stutter, and his cock pulse and twitch as it releases onto your awaiting tongue.

He tastes so good. You feel ashamed for even liking it that much, but as it spurts out his tip and drips onto your lower lip, your insane over it.

You rub it in with his tip, coating it over your tongue, and he pants as he opens his eyes to watch you.

It’s a sight etched into his mind forevermore. The fact his come is painted all over your tongue right now.

“Swallow it, pretty girl, let me watch.” He exhaustedly instructs you, voice raspy and deep in his post orgasm haze.

You do as told, and realising some has spilt even onto the corner of his thigh now that you’ve let him go.

Not letting it go to waste, you clean it off with a lick of your still eager mouth. Gently kissing over the spot as well.

“Taste so good, H.” You whisper against him, moving over to kiss his tip a final time.

“Thank you, again. For letting me do that…” You almost feel more satisfied than you would have if you had gotten to come as well.

“Made me feel amazing, baby.”

Or so you thought, because once he raised the point again… “If you want, since I can only imagine how desperate your little cunt is, I can return the favour somehow?”

And it was impossible to say no when he looked like that, boxers still half down his beautiful legs and face flushed that sexy shade of red.

You were in for a night, that was for sure. So much for an early morning.

———

#harry styles #harry styles smut #harry styles fanfiction #fanfiction #harry styles imagine #harry styles fluff #harry styles oneshot #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles writing #harry styles one shot #he’s so #fuck me I need him so bad #anyways #hope you enjoyed #ily #last oneshot of 2023

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bronx-bomber87 · 3 months

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Happy Saturday lovely fandom. We’ve reached the seminal episode of their secret dating period. This ep doesn’t need much of an intro. Just lots of goodies and an ending that still makes me blush... I fit everything I could gif wise ha Let’s get started.

5x12 Death Notice

We start off with Lucy and Tamara and I’m so glad we do. This scene is perfection. Tamara is testing the waters with her. Saying she was surprised Lucy was here....I have a feeling Lucy been out a ton since she started dating Tim. Love this. Tamara giving her crap saying she stayed up till 1am and she wasn’t here. Lucy trying to brush it off saying they must missed each other that’s all. That trivia ran late for her. Tamara can’t do it anymore. Calling her pseudo mom’s bluff. Straight up telling her she saw Tim drop her off. HA I wonder what she saw? Must’ve seen her kiss him good night.

Which makes me all giddy inside. Lucy gets so excited and drops her bag. Exclaiming 'Thank god.' Telling her she’s so sick of cover stories. Tamara asking why they’re being so secretive? Lucy explaining they’re figuring things out. I love Tamara being a facilitator for them. Saying she can do whatever they need for alone time. Lucy tells her they’re not sleeping together. It’s the way the music stops in this scene that kills me after she says this. Tamara is then the fandom and says ‘Why not?’ Lucy tells her they’re taking it slow. They want to do this right.

Tamara follow ups are perfect. Asking her if she’s not sure how she feels? Lucy saying she knows exactly how she feels. ‘The most amazing relationship she’s been in since ever. ’my heart. Tamara’s questions her again and says ‘ So....You’re waiting why?’ Haha Tamara is out here trying to get Lucy laid LOL I love it sfm. I think Lucy knew once they started they wouldn’t stop. Kinda like the Pringles slogan. ‘Once you pop you can’t stop.’ Heh Once they started she knew they wouldn’t be stopping...

Lucy finds Tim immediately at work after her convo with Tamara. Gah these two could not be more obvious in their stupid happy smiles. Sure no one has seen Tim smile like he does with her. What happens when you're properly loved. I love the way Lucy gravitates towards him when she finds him. How he instantly gets as close to her as possible. Nary an inch between them. Smooth you two. They are radiating sunshine and happiness and they haven’t even slept together yet. That’s how well it’s going for them and I’m dying with glee.

I could write an entire essay on how much I love the secret handholding/touching portion of this scene. It was a must to get a really good gif of this. Lucy’s finger touching him as they walk. Because she can’t help herself. Has to be in constant contact with him. Moth to flame. Tim returning the favor with tapping his fingers on her thigh. The most telling smile on his face as he does this. Such small gesture between them is sending into a squee spiral haha

Tim feeling cheeky as he taps on her thigh. Not only taps it but does it TWICE. He did it twice everyone. It was double tap. One wasn't enough for him. *squee* The man loves her thighs and we love him for it. Saw a post said ‘When you’re at work and wanna hold hands. But you’re at work.’ Ha These sneaky little touches sent me into a damn tizzy. We're two minutes into this episode and they're already killing me. Lucy tells him 'Tonight is the night.' Clearly her talk with Tamara bearing some good fruit for Tim LOL She is ready to go after that convo.

Tim tries to contain his excitement when she tells him it’s go time. Asking her his place or hers? Jealous dog or nosy roommate? ha. This brings up Tamara and her knowing about them. Tim isn’t mad so much as shocked she told her. Lucy having the best reply. ‘She has eyes.’ LMFAO So does everyone else in their world….The world worst kept secret these two my god. I mean it's not like you guys are all that subtle my love. Lucy cheers him up saying she’ll be at a friends tonight though….Tim perking right back up. Looking at the smile on that man above. He is very excited about tonight being the night.

Grey interrupts the heart eye nation they have going on. They jump a little ha Forgetting they're at friggin work. They were being all happy and cute as Grey walks up. The man knew already but seeing them like this? All flirty, smiley and happy. It was all the confirmation he needed. He asks them to ride together today. Aaron is going to be with Harper. This time not a peep out of them unlike in 5x08. Another telling sign tbh… Lucy mentions this is going to be awkward.

Tim being Tim saying it’s fine. They’ve done this hundreds of times together. It’s not big deal. Lucy tells him yes but never as a couple though. Tim once again not seeing the problem she so obviously sees. Saying on the streets they won’t be. Ok babe… You weren’t great about hiding your feelings when you weren't together. But sure not that you’re together that wouldn't be amplified at all... I love Lucy opening the door for him. Then teasing him in the most flirtatious way. Asking if he won’t be thinking about tonight at all?

A night I’m sure he’s thought about a million times since they got together. (If not a little bit before too) Being flirty right back saying ‘Not at all..’ idk what I love more Lucy checking out his fine ass Or Tim saying thank you to her opening the door. Ok well obviously it’s Lucy blatantly checking him out. Shooting back ‘ Me neither.’ Ha sure... Not that I blame her. I mean my god look at him. Tight jeans a a henley? You check him out Lucy. Mmm. Although I do love him saying 'Thank you' for her opening the door it's adorable LOL It’s a close second. Heh

We join them getting their shop ready for the day. Lucy saying she could fein food poisoning. Tim seems offended by this idea. Saying she would do that just to get out riding with him? Lucy says yeah with no regrets. Ha Wanting to avoid the weirdness of them having to ride together Tim telling her she’s overthinking this. Then says the most hysterical lie of all.

‘We leave our personal life at the door. Just like always.’ Uh when has that ever happened Timothy? Some of your most intimate and bonding moments have happened in your shop and on patrol but ok. I love Lucy calling herself his Girlfriend. be still my heart. Just out in the open like that. Tim isn't contesting this fact one bit either.

Never be over how ready she is with Tim for everything. Her commitment issues flew out the window when they got together. Makes my heart so happy it might implode. Couldn’t stand the idea with Chris after months. Few weeks with Tim and she’s all about labeling herself as his Girlfriend. Eeeeee. Tim simply says ‘Yeah.’ To her statement though. Trying not to seem phased. Oh my boy.

The absolute sass in this scene from her is glorious. Trying so hard to prove her point and Tim isn’t listening to her. Lucy does the cutest little dance with her duty belt. Seeing if he’ll notice the mistake she purposely made. He doesn’t…Sharp hard ass Tim Has left the building. Super in love puppy Tim has taken the wheel. Tim is floored she did this on purpose.

Telling her she doesn’t do Tim Tests. He does them. Lucy is on her game today and doesn’t let that hold her back. Saying it’s not a Tim Test. It’s a 'Lucy Lesson' hehe. I adore her touching his arm and saying he’s taking it easy on her. I mean he is….He just doesn’t want to see it. Doesn’t want to admit something has shifted between them. Lucy points out their dynamic has changed and they’re not even on the street yet.

I love her being so damn cheeky with him. Tim is getting antsy af tells her to just get in the car. Done with this convo now. Lucy with her sassy fully sharpened says ‘It’s a shop.’ Taking us all the back to the Pilot. Where that Tim would be appalled at this one LMFAO. The look he gives her I’m dying. Remember when one look used to send her into a tailspin? Now she owns this man in front of her. LOL Tim is so done with her antics and yet impressed with her sass at same time. No words left just points for her to get in car. heh

I love them coming back from getting coffee together. Mini date on the job. Lucy is all about the touching today. I'm here for it. Touching his arm to get him to stop. Lucy asks if he’s noticed? Tim says of course he noticed. She’s carrying her coffee in her gun hand. Forgetting all about the time he destroyed her in 2x19 over the same thing. Oh my Timothy so blinded by love my dear.

Telling her these ‘Lucy Lessons’ are pointless. Oh but they’re not and you’ll find out the hard way later… Lucy is shocked he doesn’t see how he’s treating her differently. Tim trying to pass it off as her not being a rookie anymore. She can do whatever she wants now. Mmmhmmm… Then the biggest lie of all comes out his beautiful mouth. Saying he would give Aaron the same leeway. This isn't about them.

Lying liar. It’s so cute though he’s just so in love with her and refuses to see reason about this. Just happy to get to spend a work day with his girl. Also this has been the case for years now. It’s just massively amplified cause he’s in love with her now. Lucy never has nor will she ever be just another cop to him. I adore Lucy’s ‘Mm…’ Knowing he’s full of actual crap here. Hehe

Tim and Lucy are citing our their arrest together. The guy looks through his bag and says his earrings are missing. Asking if Lucy took them? We watch Tim get defensive and looks like he wants to deck the guy. Lucy tells him she didn’t take them. Tim steps in and says they’ll call him when they find them. Basically being like back off my girl right now.

Lucy playing Tim like an absolute fiddle in this moment. Saying she didn’t take them. Tim knowing this and telling her as such. Saying these things happen. Tim ‘Rules matter’ Bradford saying 'These things happen.' Lucy not letting him give her a pass. Saying they don't happen to her. Then bringing it back to them. Telling him she’s been so focused on them and tonight. Wondering did she screw up? Tim looking as lost for words as I’ve ever seen him.

Tim is frantically checking their shop for the earrings. The man is in an absolute panic about this. Lucy is watching him as he desperately searches for these bloody earrings. Lucy tells them they’ve checked everywhere at this point. Tim refusing to give up on finding them. Lucy saying he needs to report this now. Tim won’t do it. Telling her they’re not there yet… Lucy asks how long he has?

He explains it’s up to his discretion on these things. If they find them no need for paperwork. Lucy reminds him if they don’t he will have to report her to IA. He looks gutted at the thought of that. Won’t even entertain the thought. Instead says they can see if janitorial swept them up. Oh Timothy a man of principles and contradictions for those he loves. 2x01 Tim would floored by his actions. Trying to leave info out of a report for her. Which I just love tbh.

Lucy comes home looks exhausted and slightly defeated. Tamara is in a panic and says she is almost out of there. Lucy tells her not to worry they canceled their date…Saying today revealed all the issues with dating your boss. Tamara asks if they’re gonna break up? Lucy is SO firm In her reply. Telling her 'No they’ll figure it out.' instantly. Tamara can’t help herself and asks how? Lucy isn't too sure yet. All she is sure of is they're not breaking up. That's a non starter.

Tim shows up at their door. Tamara answers and tells Lucy her 'Boyfriend is here.' hehe Tim’s face is hilarious. He's so cute hands in his pockets as he waits to be let in. Tamara smugly telling him she figured it out. Wanting Tim to be a little proud of her. He is and tells her 'He has no doubt.' when she says she would be a good detective. Lucy appears and says she thought they canceled? That is the face of a man who didn’t think they did. LOL So sassy when he says ‘Uh we didn’t.’ ha

I love the hug she greets him with. My damn heart. He fully expected to be spending time with his girl tonight. Sex or not. When they pull away Tamara is just awkwardly standing there smiling at them. Kinda like us as the fandom when we watch them have scenes haha I think she wants to hear the tea between them. Then quickly realizes they want some alone time and ducks off to her room. Oh Tamara I love you. I think she's just really excited for Lucy. Knowing this one is the real deal.

Tim tries to come up with a new excuse why they couldn’t find the earrings. Saying maybe they thought it was for a female officer. That they put them in the locker room. Lucy shoots that down instantly. Saying she already checked. That he HAS to report this now. Tim looks so damn defeated when he agrees with her. Knowing she isn’t wrong. Lucy noting that if it had been Aaron he would’ve done it already. Tim sighs deeply replying he knows. But it’s not Aaron. 'It’s YOU.' Gah getting me right in the feels Timothy. Two words meaning so very much.

Tim has it so bad for her he was completely blind to favoring her. To treating her differently. She’s the exception always has been always will be. But more so now. I love how transparent he is in this moment. Telling her exactly what’s happened. Because he gets to now. He doesn’t have to hide the fact that he cares about her anymore. Makes my heart happy. Lucy follows it up with ‘You can’t be objective when it comes to me right?’ Tim just sadly shakes his head no. I love her ‘Mm-hmm.’ Like there we go my love. You're getting it.

Then she brings it home saying 'Thus endeth the Lucy lesson.' The student has become the master ha I remember being absolutely floored by her. In awe really. What a brilliant way to bring her point home. Tim too is floored by this. Lucy is feeling pretty damn proud of herself. I love her putting her chin on her fist. Staring at him with heart eyes. So confident. Tim telling her it was impressive but evil. Lucy says she knows but he wasn’t facing the problem. Tim looking defeated again saying 'Well now he is. So what do they do?'

This next scene just shows why Lucy is his person. They say the only have two options. Break up or one of them leaves Mid-Wilshire. I love how Lucy doesn’t even contemplate a breakup. That's not on table. Just says it should be her. Tim fighting her on it saying no she she loves it here. Lucy REFUSES to let him take a demotion for her. Tim tries to fight her but she won’t let him. Flat out won’t have it. Of course she did her research on this for them.

Checking see if there another version of his job in the division. I just love them having this conversation together. So opposite of what he had with Ashley. Lucy is including him in her future. Even if that means she has to leave. If that's what they need then that’s what going to happen. Especially if she gets to keep their relationship. Gah I love this scene so much.

What a huge upgrade for Tim. To have someone willing to sacrifice for him. Not something he’s ever had or been used to. She was willing to take a leap elsewhere just for him. He’s finally in a relationship with someone who is gonna fight for him and them as a couple. Put him first. Which he also has never had. I love it so much. It's making me emotional. My damn heart. This episode it’s a friggin dream to watch.

They return to the station and Tim tells her good job today. Just handing out compliments. I adore it. She has more than earned it. Lucy reciprocates. I love her pulling the lint off his uniform. Such a wifey move honestly. It truly is such an intimate thing to do. There’s that great line from New girl from Cece. ‘Picking lint of a man’s sleeve is the most intimate gesture.’ It’s perfection. Lucy legitimately can’t keep her hands off him in this episode.

I love how Tim looks down where she’s touched him. *heart clutch* It’s the little things that get me so much. Tim makes a joke they’re not partners on the job. Her sweet little shove and his in love smile. These two gonna be the death of me in the best way. It's killing her that they won’t be seeing each other every day. They're breaking up their professional relationship for their personal one to thrive. Tim agrees and doesn't like the idea either. Says that’s even if their shifts sync up.

Lucy seems so damn saddened by this idea. She didn’t even think of that…Saying 'By doing the right thing they’re gonna see less of each other?' Tim replying probably yeah… I adore Lucy’s little whine ‘No…’ She sighs and says she will put her transfer paperwork in tomorrow. Even despite that she's still willing to do this. Tim looks devastated by how sad she is. Won’t even let her takes the kit bags. The sweet smile she gives him. Knowing exactly what this gesture means. (Wish could've fit this part in.) How far we’ve come everyone how far we’ve come.

Tim comes to see Grey. Says he needs to talk to him bout something he’s been hiding from him. Tim lets Grey know he and Lucy have been dating for a few weeks. Wade sighs and says he suspected as much. I mean we all knew the man knew. He wasn’t going to say anything until Tim was ready to. I love that. Tim letting him know they needed time to figure out their feelings. Grey assuming it’s serious then since they're having this convo. I love the zero hesitation from Tim in reply to this.

That man couldn’t be more all in if he tried. Telling Wade with serious conviction 'It is.' This woman is it for him. His endgame and he will do whatever it takes to be with her. One of my fav Chenford scenes without Lucy even being present. It’s just shows how serious Tim is about her. About them. I’m getting emotional writing this up. He so deserves a partner like her. He saw the sacrifices she was going to make for him. For them. Never had that in his life in a relationship.

So instead of letting her take the bullet for him. He dives in front of her and takes it himself. Knowing she would’ve done it for him. But he would rather be the one to take the hit for her. Gah it’s so romantic. Asking for a position at the station he doesn’t care what. She is so worth any position in his mind. Grey telling him it’s not great. Tim doesn’t care as long as it keeps him with her. He will take it. Doesn't matter what it is.

We switch to Lucy making a romantic dinner for Tim. Love this btw. Lucy is talking about which division she wants to move to. Tim tells her it’s not necessary. That he talked to Grey and she’s looking at the new 'Court Liaison Sergeant.' Lucy stops dead in her tracks stumbling on her words. Almost stunned into silence. Replying 'That’s a desk job…' Tim is beaming. 'Yeah out of your chain of command.' He is so proud of himself for this solution. So happy and willing to take a desk job for her.

Man is so in love with her. This decision is so significant on so many levels. Lucy even though immensely grateful for this solution pushes against it. Telling him he will bored out of his mind. Tim is on it though. Saying doesn’t matter to him. His objective was to stay close to her. He achieved that. Not only that but for her not to sacrifice her career for him in the process. A desk job is nothing compared to getting to be with her at work.

Gah so damn romantic. Look at our boy. Tim explaining they’ll get to see each other every day this way. Also she won’t have to travel to some far away station. Be treated like a rookie. Have to do midnight shifts because of it. He couldn't stand that fate for her. He loved her for wanting to do it for him. That was the key factor here. That she was willing to do that for him. She put him first. Meant everything.

Lucy is in awe of this man right now. That OTP line of 'Some things matter more.' Resonates so much in this season. This is also hitting on another from 5x08. Letting Lucy know without a doubt she is worth the effort for him. This man who wouldn’t leave patrol for anyone, wouldn’t uproot for Rachel to NY or walk away from being a cop for Ashley. Lucy once again being the exception. For her he would do all those things listed above and more. Hell he just did.

He walked away from patrol. Something he’s said for years he would never leave. Loved it too much. Then he fell in love with Lucy Chen and all that changed for him. His perspective shifted and she became far more important than anything else in his world. Because she became his world. This is so beautifully romantic I can’t stand it. Lucy wants to fight him some more but Tim cuts her off. Telling her it’s a done deal. There is no use in arguing about it. He’s so sure of his decision. So happy to take this bullet for them. it’s so sexy if you ask me.

It’s then the tone shifts. Lucy goes from argumentative to turned on let’s be honest. This man just sacrificed a career he absolutely loves just to stay near her. So they could see each other every day at work. She is very seductive as she leans in for a kiss. Silkily replying 'But we're so good at arguing.' I.e. foreplay for them really. Revving both their engines in this moment.

Gah I love the way she places her hand on his shoulders. Just plants one right on him. She is done talking. Done arguing. Just wants to be with him. I’ll forever love him chasing her lips for a second taste when they kiss. He does that a lot and I really love it. Always wanting more. Chasing the high that is her lips never having enough. Needing that second kiss. The way he raises himself up to full height and gets that second kiss. Replying 'I know.' *phew lord.*

That lovely height difference coming into play above. Tim being much smoother in his lines for this moment than he was in 5x10 with ‘naked time.’ Saying he is hoping they’re good at certain other things as well. Being seductive in his own right. Trying to be sly about sexy times. There was no doubt in ANYONES mind these two were gonna be glorious at it. Not one. I adore her hands moving down his chest as he talks. He is just revving her up in this moment. She can't take her eyes off him.

The way he is looking at her my god. He’s wanted this forever. They both have. But hot damn this man has man has been patient. Lucy following it up with a super smooth line of her own. Asking him if he wants to find out right now? I remember thinking is this real life? It’s the way they’re swaying and Tim’s huge ear to ear smile. Oh my lord. His smile is going to be the actual death of me. Happiness looks really good on you Tim. He is the epitome of love and happiness in this moment. That man is deliriously in love and it’s all over this beautiful face.

Lucy isn’t pulling any punches with her massive heart eyes either. Her eyes zeroing in on his glorious lips. Looking just as happy and in love as Tim. Almost a fiery look to her heart eyes in that first gif. Like she is so very ready to have her way with this man. Eager to break this slow down of their's right now. Gah then the hotness really ensues after this.

I feel like I need ice water and a spicy fic involving this moment after I watch this ahha (I highly recommend this one btw.) Lucy is unbuttoning his shirt as he leans in for a sensual kiss. Needing a head start on getting that man shirtless. It’s the forehead touch and the way that kiss heats up quickly. Also looks at the smiles on these two as he leans into kiss her breathless. *internal screaming* How gently his hand is coming up to cup her face and jaw.

His hands don't make the full journey due to Lucy's eagerness with his shirt. Ripping it off in record time. Never seen a shirt ripped off so quickly. She wasn’t messing around at this point. Her little moan as she rids him of hit. Oh my lord. Tim understood the assignment and came prepped with that shirt. Those snap buttons coming in clutch at this moment. Lucy is so ready to have this man. Years of UST coming to an end in this moment. It’s glorious. Never be over her urgency to get him out of that shirt as soon as she possibly could. I do not blame her. Lucy looking down at her handiwork when he breaks their kiss for a moment to look at him and all his glory.

I welcome shirtless Tim back to our screens. Hello biceps and deliciously toned chest. We missed you. Let's not forget the jawline we could cut glass on. Phew Lord. Also look at how effortlessly he rids himself of his sleeves. Not breaking eye contact whatsoever as he pulls himself free. *fans self* Forever love Lucy checking him out as he sheds himself of his shirt. Finally getting to and not having to hide how attracted she is to this man. Lucy is so very ready to have this beautiful man in her bed. Not hiding checking him out in the least.

Her fingers are just hanging out in front of his jeans with a tight grip. Keeping this man as close to her as possible. Fingers dancing on his insane abs that she can now enjoy and touch. Once Tim is rid of the shirt he is on her like white on rice. Lord have mercy. Encasing her face in his hands and basically devouring her with his lips. hot damn. Lucy is so giddy as he has his way with her. Look at her smile. More than willing to be at his mercy.

I love that he’s so gentle In cradling her jaw but so fiery in his kisses. I had been waiting years for this moment. Actual years ha Rookie day one girl here. Her checking him out and smiling into this hot kiss is one of the best parts. It’s almost like she can’t believe this is finally happening. She too is deliriously happy. Her hands are also encasing him once he rejoins their kiss. Gah it’s the way she has one behind his head drawing him to her. The other running up and down his beautiful back.

Tim is literally kissing the life out of her and Lucy is here for it. She is putty in his hands. Just having his way with her in this sexy make out. It’s the swaying, the touching and how he can’t keeps his hands off her face. Getting as close to her as he can in this moment. Lucy’s hands roaming up and down his back. Eventually landing on his hips. Finding purchase there. Her mission to also not let him get far from her.

Good god this scene is sexy and I love it so damn much. I still can’t believe we got it. Over a year later and this scene still has me in shambles when I watch it. That we got this heavy make out session with him shirtless. Lucy running her hands all over him like she can't get enough. She is very thirsty and he is a giant glass of ice cold water. Getting to see all the scars and such on his back was a nice bonus I have to say. Mmm. Yum.

I adore her giggling as he starts to move them towards her bedroom. She is on cloud 9 and straight up euphoric right now. The high of endorphins she’s feeling in this moment are spilling out. Coming out in excited giggles as Tim takes over. Literally pushing her against a door frame to have his way with her more. lord. Pushes her up against that wall and continues to kiss her passionately. It’s the sexy thud as their collective body weight hits the wall. His hand bracing their impact somewhat. My god.

He is so determined in his movements in this moment. What’s that song 'Wild horses couldn’t drag me away?' Nothing was keeping Tim from her in this moment. Such certainty in how he moves them towards the door frame. Lucy is holding on for dear life to his hips as moves them toward the wall. I’ll never be over his hand cushioning her head. He’s so lost in this moment but makes sure she doesn’t get hurt.

Even in this moment where they’re both lost in this passionate make out he’s her protector. Something so damn soft and adorable about this gesture. Lucy is in no frame of mind to care about her head in this moment. Lost in his lips and touch. Straight smiling to death as Tim Bradford has his way with her. Hands caught up in her hair as he kisses her as if his life depends on it. Definition of passionate embrace. Legit fireworks for them both as they continues this spicy make out.

They take a beat once they’ve reached the door frame. Making out some more against it. Tim has her firmly pressed against it. We can see he has an intense hold on her face as he continues to kiss her breathless. Lucy clinging to him like he’s a damn life raft. Moving one her hands up to the back of his head. While the other stays planted on his hip. Tim deciding it's time to move to her bed and walks them back not breaking their kiss at all. Who needs air right? Sweet lord.

It’s the cute giggles as he basically slams the door with her back. We see her curls pressed up again the door. My god. They’re about to find out how really good they are at this. Amazing her bed survives this honestly LOL I can’t count the number of times rewatched this scene including watching this time around.

Good lord that scene is most romantic and yet the sexiest scene ever at the same time. The entire episode is one beautiful thank you to the fans for waiting. Every moment building on the last till we get to this final moment. A moment where we’re all a puddle of shippy goo haha Oh my lord that was fun to write although nerve wracking considering the enormity of it. Such a damn good ep I cannot. I need some ice water any one else?

~~~

Side notes-non Chenford

Oscar always hilarious. Love when he comes on.

That’s it really hahah my brain gets taken over by Chenford in this one.

Forever thanks to those who read, like, moment and reblog these reviews. Makes all the effort so very worth it. I shall see you all in 5x13

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bonebabbles · 3 months

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Chapter 12: the thunderclannining

GOD I love when people call Clear Sky out. It only ever lasts like 5 minutes but it is as euphoric as the brief, blissful taste of a chocolate-covered raspberry gracing your tastebuds.

"How could you believe that I'm obsessed with being right after all the times I chose not to murder you :( ????"

"I let you eat food in land that you used to just be able to walk into, even though you're disabled! I thought you were eternally grateful :(((( IM LOSING CONTROL!!"

"YOU'RE ABANDONING US BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU DESERVE RESPECT????????"

He feels like the world's worst boss and crappiest father rolled into one monstrous fusion.

There's just one problem with all this catharsis; Thunder is still whining about Star Flower, insisting that she's going to betray Clear Sky. It's frustrating because he is wrong.

Star Flower is a lot closer to another victim of Clear Sky than a manipulator, but the narrative will not ultimately conclude this.

But at NO point does it show her actually manipulating anyone. Not even Thunder. NO she did not "manipulate" and betray him. I am once again reminding everyone that Thunder offered all that information apropos of nothing, against all warnings.

Yet, "betraying" the Clan cats by warning her father of an ambush is so unforgivable that several cats agree she should be chased out of the forest.

All this emphasis on how hurt Thunder is shows that his judgement is clouded by jealousy.

All this Star Flower whinging takes away from Clear Sky being abusive. THAT should be the major issue here. This is an entire book of Clear Sky returning to the same kind of emotional abuse he was displaying back in Thunder Rising, only without murder, and what this LONG AWAITED confrontation ends up spiraling back to is the Father/Son Love Triangle

You can't even get catharsis without some incredibly weird, unpleasant bullshit dripping into it.

Im glad that Thunder has finally come to the point where he's rejecting the dumbass statement he made when they killed One Eye together, where he was gushing about, "We're not like One Eye and never have been <3" Yes. Clear Sky IS like One Eye-- a weaker version of him, someone who got out-dictator'd and needed to call in the OTHER cats to ambush him and win his group back.

but again this is meant to be his jealousy speaking. Not straight facts. He JUST had a confrontation with Star Flower about her daddy issues and he's saying that Clear Sky fits them.

CRY ABOUT IT!!!! GET BOOHOO'D LOSER! CRY ME A RIVER AND DROWN IN IT

"I always end up alone waaaaaah!!!" fucking when in your life have you ended up alone? Someone was ALWAYS behind you to hand you a binkie and a safety blanket. When you didn't have a massive group of violent rogues to back you up, the moor cats always took your sorry ass in and clapped at you for doing the bare fucking minimum. People always nonsensically stood by you because the plot demands it, after you get them and dozens of their friends injured and killed

Here comes the binkie and the safety blanket, btw

In a good series this would have been her intentionally manipulating him, bringing out his worst traits again, encouraging him to be the worst version of himself as he once again ignores all good advice.

But Star Flower never did anything wrong. She never DOES anything at all. She's JUST Clear Sky's controversial wife that Thunder has to "get over himself" about, an item to cause conflict, a mate extra supportive of him because he "deserves" to have someone by his side unlike all the other times where people were by his side.

The pack of 3 dogs that mauled you to death wasn't enough. I wish they had guns

#WORTHY OF HIM.............#WORTHY OF THE FILTH UNDER MY FOOT #who the fuck thought this was a good romance im throwing up #Star Flower GET OUT OF THERE!!!!#OH MY GODDD #dotc hate #bones reads dotc #clear sky

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cookiesupplier · 1 month

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Every Rose Has Its Thorns - Part Thirty-Four

pairing: Ricky Olson x ofc x Chris 'Motionless' Cerulli

warnings/tropes: slow burn, soulmates, strangers to enemies to lovers, betrayal, angst, fluff, smut, language, online bullying, panic attacks, stalking, mental health issues.

summary: In a world where soulmates inexplicably receive a tattoo that will match that of their soulmate the moment they turn eighteen years old, being famous and covered in very visible tattoos can make finding your true soulmate a questionable fate. For everyone involved.

author’s note: Unbeta'd, readers beware as always lol.

To read from the beginning, check out the Masterlist Here!

tags: @tearfallpixie @cncohshit @jordynyingling0219 @faceless-mirror @nyxthedestroyerofworlds @wild-child-7747 @witchyweeb34 @black-damask1999 @jilliemiw86 @ilovesamkiszka @lyschko666 @lacktoesandtoddlerants @bngurngheart @collapsedglasshouses @laurpartyprogram @sunsshinesunny @malerieee @talialovesmiw @shilohrosechicken @thatchickwiththecamera @tamtam-elizabeth

Tag List is Open, please let me know if you would like to be added to it or in general.

Between the morning at the doctors for Chris, and then spending all the afternoon talking and dealing with the emotional revelations that were coming about from these tattoos. Something that none of them really could have fathomed how they would change their lives. How they might still. Talia wasn’t sure if she wanted to think about it. She was still just a visitor here. Sooner or later, she should go home. Right? She needed to, that was where her life was, wasn’t it? Her job, her friends, some of them, anyway, could she really abandon them? Talia was only supposed to be here to support Ava with her bond with Vinny, and even then, she still wasn’t sure how much she’d done that at all. Did Ava even need her, it felt like everything was the other way around.

Not to mention, that reason, that was when she knew Ricky wanted nothing to do with her. Sure, it was nice that at least that had changed, he seemed to at least want to be friends even if he didn’t want a relationship. He still hasn’t said anything about that changing, and she wasn’t about to make an assumption just because he had been more friendly towards her. These tattoos forcing them closer together wasn’t his fault any more than hers, and she wasn’t going to assume he felt anything for her. The worst part, as much as she still wanted to hate him just a little, for the things he’d done to her before, she kept seeing the glimpses of how wonderful he could be too. It was just, it… he… he was making it impossible not fall in to want more.

He didn’t want more, though, and she had to remind herself of that.

Then there was Chris.

Was it right, to have the feelings she did?

What was happening with this tattoo that was changing on his shoulder? The way it was reacting the same way Ricky’s and hers were reacting was, it was, she wasn’t going to say it was obvious, because she had a feeling that Ricky was right. The sensations were subjective. They couldn’t know what they meant, what they were supposed to mean. A bad feeling could be anger, upset, jealousy, or even fear. Who could say what emotion was causing them at any time. Some they thought were obvious, such as when Chris had kissed her, or when Ricky had touched her tattoo. Both times their tattoos had gone absolutely crazy.

Even then, for all she knew Chris’ tattoo would change back, for all they knew it was just, temporary. Whether for Chris, or for one of them? They should wait to hear from the people he was going to talk to before she let her mind spiral down that path about what his tattoo changing meant, for any of them.

How could they even know if any of their feelings were real, and not from these tattoos pushing them closer. Or, were the tattoos the way they were because of their feelings? How could they possibly know? That in itself was the biggest problem with the phenomenon of the soulmate tattoos, and everything being theoretical.

That was what terrified her.

She couldn’t have certainty, and after her time in that hospital, spending those moments when she started questioning herself, she didn’t need to feel that way again.

Swallowing, she shook her head, no, not again.

“Guys, I should probably go. Ava is probably wondering where I am.”

Ricky looked over at Chris, for some reason, something about the way she’d been looking while they’d been chatting just now made him wary about her leaving on her own, was that wrong? Was it him being an asshole? Chris help him here. They’d been looking over the photos of Chris soulmate tattoo, making out the shadow of the mark and seeing if they could figure out what it was changing into. Sure, Ricky could say exactly what he thought it was turning into, it looked like it might be, but there was still too much of Chris old mark blurring the detail to be able to tell for certain. When it got darker, and the mark more visible, separated from Chris former tattoo, maybe.

“Are you sure? You could stay for dinner, Chris makes a mean vegan chilli, it’s actually fantastic, and I’m not always big on the vegan dishes. Stay, Sweetheart, I don’t think any of us have had a night in a little bit that we haven’t had something to worry about.”

Well, they sort of still did have worries, but, as much as they could, they could at least try to relax, couldn’t they?

“Let us make you dinner, Chris can make his chilli, and I’ll make,”

Ricky paused, pressing his tongue behind his teeth slightly as he considered. With the way now, that Chris was looking at him expectantly, he had this little knowing smile on his face, as if he just knew Ricky was about to try to bullshit his way out of something. Damn him.

“Dessert.”

There, he didn’t have to give a specific answer, yet, right?

“What’s going to be for dessert, Rick?”

Drawing his eyes back over to Chris, Ricky, give him a look, really, really, Chris?

All he got back for the expression was a wide cheeky knowing grin, and a raised eyebrow, smart arse. Turning his focus back to Talia, Ricky smiled, ignoring his smart arse best friend.

“Chris will make chilli, I’ll make dessert,”

“Which hopefully won’t kill us-”

“It will be fine!”

The fact that she started laughing at that Ricky was going to count as a win, no matter how much Chris had decided to be a comedian at his expense right then. Absolutely worth it.

“Now I have to say yes, just to see what Ricky makes, but, Rick, what ever it is, has to be made with whatever is already here. Though, if Chris has to leave to get something for the chilli, then I guess you can give him a list of ingredients to pick up while he’s out.”

Ricky blinked at her for a moment, Talia just smiling at him, he turned his head to look back at Chris, he held his hands up.

“I had nothing to do with this, don’t look at me.”

“So this is a challenge now?”

“Absolutely.”

Talia grinned, he was the one that was putting it out there, she was just making it a little more interesting.

“That is, unless you’re not up for it?”

Oh, he couldn’t have that.

“You’re on.”

Chris had chuckled as Talia, and he watched as Ricky got up from the couch and marched his way into the kitchen and started going through his pantry, his fridge. Mumbling to himself while he did. Probably considering all the different things he could make no doubt. Chris doubted this was going to end well. Next Ricky was scrolling on his phone, Chris tried to peek over his shoulder, only for Ricky to notice and make a disgruntled sound and shove him back, Talia giggling in response at his antics, Chris just rolled his eyes.

“You got ten minutes before I go out to get what I need for dinner, since there are things I need, had I known you wanted chilli yesterday..”

“Well it doesn’t have to be chilli..”

Chris shook his head as he looked over at Talia, smiling softly,

“Oh, don’t worry, it’s easy, and I love making it, it’s one of my favourites, and I know Ricky likes it.. And don’t worry, it's pretty mild, I don’t amp it up until I feel like going really crazy, and that is not going to be tonight.”

He was in no mood to test limits with everything that had been happening around them.

“That sounds perfect Chris, thank you, though now I’m wondering what the amped up version is like.”

Chris offered her a wicked grin at that, laughing, considering the last time he made the intense version of the chilli and how that had gone down,

“Well, I won’t try to sway you with my opinion, others though, I’ve been told it burns off taste buds.”

Watching her expression freeze in place, her eyes going wide slightly.”

“Here! He’s also not wrong.”

Ricky had walked over to them, brandishing a slip of paper at Chris with a few items scribbled on it for him to get from the store that he didn’t already have in the house. He had no doubt that whatever Ricky was preparing to make was vegan, he knew how it went, or at least, he could make a vegan version for him.

“I’ve tried the amped version, if you don’t love spicy, and value your life, don’t do it.”

It was actually Ricky’s fault he made the stronger spiced version in the first place. Chris might never have gone to such extremes if he hadn’t taunted him about vegan food being bland and tasteless, despite him claiming to never really being one to enjoy eating it anyway. This was back when Chris was still learning more about cooking vegan foods, because it was really sink or swim when you were vegan, you either learned to cook it yourself, or struggled like hell half the time. Ricky, had been his chilli taste tester, and boy did he regret it for a time when it came to the spicier version… Suffer that he did.

“Serves you right, telling me vegan food was bland.”

That earned him a giggle out of Talia, he had a feeling she got the picture on how exactly that all went down from that alone. Ricky just rolled his eyes at him.

“Hey, you still can make a kick ass chilli now, can’t you? When you aren’t trying to kill me with it.”

Fair point.

This time when they were sitting around the dining table, Ricky would definitely say that it was far more relaxed despite the day that they had all had. Somehow they seemed to had let that go, Ricky grinned as he watched Chris and Talia tease each other across the table. Chris seemed to have more control over the effect of his tattoo’s reaction to being closer to Talia still. Ricky figured it was either because his tattoo wasn’t fully formed, or just that he had more self-control, he didn’t know. Ricky, chose to stay on the other side of the table for all of their peace of mind.

Maybe it was just him. Possibly Chris felt it all too, he just could handle it better. The fact was that every time Ricky touched Talia he was right back to those moments when they were alone. The way their tattoos flared up, and they were almost crippling with the need for release. He’d been in the middle of mixing the batter for his dessert to put in the oven, reaching across the counter. All she’d done was put her hand out in front of him at a certain angle and all three of them had felt it. Ricky had grabbed the edge of the bench, gasping for breath.. Not Talia.. He stopped himself.. He had enough control to do that, without Chris saying a damn thing, and Talia had excused herself as well.

A splash of cold water, and they all calmed down.

Now though, with their dinner finished, Ricky lifted his glass of water to his lips to take a sip, Talia was looking across the table.

“Is something burning?”

“Oh shit, the dessert!”

Ricky couldn’t run back to the kitchen fast enough, the sound of the other two laughing was his backing track.

Talia sat at the table with Chris, laughing, she couldn’t help herself, it might be mean, okay, it was a lot more than just might be mean. She saw first hand how much work that Ricky had put in trying to get that dessert right. She’d watched him. Checking, double-checking, triple checking that list on his phone as he mixed the list of the brownie batter he’d been baking for them. They were supposed to be some fudgey amazing delights, and he had sounded so proud when he slid the tray in the oven that he’d gotten the batter just as the description had said it should be. Smiling, she had hoped that it would work out just as it should.

Everything seemed to be going to plan, just as it should.. Until they were eating dinner, and Chris caught the smell of something burning in the kitchen. She didn’t know what went wrong, whether he had set the timer wrong,

“Rick, do you need any help?”

She bit her lip as glanced over to Chris when he called out to Ricky after they heard a bit of clatter followed by a very colourful string of curses from the kitchen. Only for them to earn a shout back at them.

“DO NOT COME IN HERE!”

This of course had them pearling into more laughter, leaning into Chris’ upper arm as so she didn’t just slide right out of her chair as she laughed.

“Rick, you did set the timer, right?”

The groan that came from the kitchen in responses did not help her stop laughing at all,

“Of course, I set a damn timer!”

The grumbling that followed, she couldn’t make out, but she grinned, moving to get up from her chair only to have him should out again,

“I said don’t come in! I have a backup dessert, you stay out there! Both of you!”

“Okay, okay!”

Grinning over to Chris as he agreed and they both sat back down at the table. Twenty minutes later, Ricky was bringing out a tray of roughly decorated chocolate dipped strawberries. Of all the things she had thought he would make, she would never have thought he would make something that most people would assume to see as something so, romantic. Talia felt her face flush warmed at the very thought.

She cleared her throat seeing Ricky bite into one of the strawberries, with that knowing grin of his as if he knew exactly where her mind was going. Quickly she glanced over at Chris, and with the smirk as he licked his lips from a smear of chocolate on them, he was no better.

“You alright there, Sweetheart?”

Clearing her throat quickly, Talia picked up one of the strawberries,

“Just, just fine.”

Taking a quick bite of the chocolate dipped fruit, it wasn’t her tattoo tingling that was the problem, as she pressed her thighs together to attempt to stifle the feelings coursing through her body. Talia had no clue who they were for, because the thought of both the men at the table sent shivers through her.

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

#motionless in white #miw #ricky olson #ricky olson fanfiction #original female character #soulmates #fanfiction #miw band #soulmate au #ricky olson fanfic #chris motionless #chris cerulli #chris cerulli fanfic #fic: every rose has its thorns

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farfromstrange · 1 year

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Useless | Matt Murdock x Reader

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader

Masterlist

Summary: Mental illness can be a cruel bitch sometimes. Thankfully, Matt Murdock is patient and he always takes care of you, even when you try to shut him out.

Warnings: ANGST, emotional hurt/comfort, Mental Health Episode, allusions to self-harm and suicidal thoughts, post Season 3 (spoilers ahead), not proofread

A/n: to anyone following me, you already know why this is being posted. I wrote this while I was depressed. I hope it helps some of you. I won’t say any more because there’s no words to be said about this. It’s sad but there’s comfort in the end and some wisdom I’ve gathered. You’re welcome!

I’ve put whatever I have left to post into the queue. I’m going to bed now. I wanted to post this beforehand because I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished for the first time in a while. I’ll see you soon, but probably not tomorrow… like I said, baby steps. My profile’s been busy enough for today and me too, for that matter. Take care of yourselves and please, if you ever feel down, don’t hesitate to talk to someone!

He knocks three times. He has a key, so he doesn’t have to knock, but he does, and after that he even rings the doorbell, but you can’t bring yourself up to get off the cold bathroom floor.

“Sweetheart,” his gentle voice rings out. There’s a small thud, it sounds hollow and quieter than his insistent knocks just a moment ago. His forehead collides with the wood of the front door and the room falls silent. “I can hear your heartbeat, y’know, so I know you’re not dead, but it’s still distressing to not hear from you for days,” he says. “I’m gonna open the door now.”

He finds you in the bathtub, but there is no water and you’re still wearing your pajamas from two days ago. You’re dry, so you haven’t showered with your clothes on, and overall it seems as if you’re just using the bathtub as a makeshift bed rather than an attempt to cool yourself to death.

Matt sighs deeply. “You know how worried I was?”

Your mouth is dry, your head fuzzy and you can’t possibly speak with your throat this tight.

Control is a fragile concept. You might be in control of your life for one second, and then the next everything's falling apart. Your kind descends into a downward spiral and once you’re going down, breaking out seems like an impossible task to do.

It’s times like these where life feels like it’s just happening to you and you have to sit back and endure it. You physically can’t take the reins back, no matter how hard you try. You’re paralyzed. It’s your head that’s screaming for you to act, but all you can do is sit back and watch in horror as you drive yourself off the road.

“You’ve been shutting people out again, haven’t you?” He rhetorically asks. “Because when I asked your friends, they said they haven’t seen you in days either, they’ve just read your texts, and they were short and snappy and that’s not like you, baby. Or it is, but only when it’s getting bad again. I was afraid this might have happened, I just didn’t want to accept it until I couldn’t bear it anymore. I had to check up on you. Glad I followed my gut.” He says the last part under his breath, and the relief mixes with the worry in an expression that makes you want to throw up. It’s sickening how much he cares, and the world doesn’t deserve him the same way you feel like you don’t.

The truth passes right by you. All you can think about is what you keep telling yourself. You’re useless, worthless, a nuisance and everyone hates you, so you need to erase yourself from the narrative to make the world slow down and make everyone just shut up. Even now you want Matt to shut up because his voice is like the sound of a million needles dropping on the floor of a hollow room all at once.

The worst part is, you know you should feel guilty for caving in on yourself but you can’t feel anything but this nagging feeling of anger and frustration eating away at your heart. Even his voice makes your fists clench. At least the deafening quiet has kept your nerves from fading into nothing and triggering that toe-curling feeling of overstimulating that sits right at the top of your brain and makes every last muscle twitch in a way that causes anger to seep from your pores, he can smell it.

He can hear it in your heart and your breathing too, he knows you’re not okay, and he knows his constant questioning only makes the fire that is burning you alive worse. It’s been like this before and it will continue happening, he knows. He knows that and he accepts you with all of your flaws and all the problems you might have. He loves you, why should he leave you for something that’s not even your fault? You haven’t quite grasped the concept of his devotion for you yet, but he’s determined to prove it to you.

He kneels next to the bathtub, shedding his suit jacket along the way and placed his chin on his forearms as he leans forward. His glasses land on the floor and his smile is so lopsided, it makes you frown for a second. He’s trying his hardest to make you smile with the way his sightless brown eyes try to find yours, and his teeth glisten in the bathroom light as he grins at you.

“What is it this time?” He doesn’t question your behavior, he just wants to understand. He knows you better than anyone else, after all.

You let out a prolonged breath. Even his voice has you on edge, but you suppose it could be worse. He’s not as annoying as your own voice when you answer, “Life.”

You sound so drained, his features soften even more and he reaches out to brush the greasy hair out of your face. There is wine in your breath, his nose picks up on that instantly, and you desperately need a shower, but he doesn’t tell you that because he knows you already know that. He’d never judge you for it. He’s happy as long as you’re alive, the rest can be figured out at a later time.

“Are you drunk?” he asks.

“Lightly buzzed,” you say.

The alcohol was supposed to take the edge off, but it’s only made you more nervous.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“Do you want to take a shower?”

“No. I need the world to be fucking quiet, that’s what I need.”

You flinch at your own tone, but he doesn’t seem fazed at your snappy nature. You swear it’s not personal. You would have apologized a million times if you hadn’t been so tired, and he really doesn’t seem to mind. He simply nods, acknowledging your wish.

“Okay,” he says. “Can I take you to bed then, at least? Your back probably hurts. How long have you been here?”

Your eyes flutter closed. “This morning,” you tell him.

He sighs wearily. “Of course, you have. Can I take you to bed, sweetheart, please? I’ll make sure you’re properly compressed so you won’t get triggered by new sensations, I promise, just… let me do this for you. The bathtub is no place to cry, you’ve told me that.”

You did, once.

And you couldn’t possibly protest, even if you tried. Your back does hurt and you’re more tired than usual. You haven’t required this much sleep in a while, but your mind and body are both exhausted and you feel as if you’re going to faint if you keep staring at the white bathroom tiles. Matt’s presence has knocked some sense back into you, bringing reality to the forefront, but the alcohol and shed tears keep your mind fuzzy to the point you’re not sure if you can feel your legs.

Matt senses your hesitation. Ever the caring boyfriend, he reaches his arms out to lift you out of the tub. “C’mon,” he says.

“Why aren’t you angry?” your voice cracks as you ask the dreaded question.

He has you up in his arms in an instant. “Why aren’t you yelling at me?”

His lips press to your temple, a silent answer as he carries you into your still-dark bedroom.

“Matt,” you try again, but he stops you.

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” he says, wrapping your fragile body in blankets and mountains of pillows. “It’s okay to feel like shit sometimes, and if you need to shut people out to feel better, that’s okay too, just try telling them how you feel before you disappear or they might start thinking you hurt yourself.”

“I don’t do that anymore.”

He swallows hard at the emphasis. “I know, sweetheart, but it’s hard for the people who love you to differentiate.”

You pout, “I’m sorry.”

“No,” he shakes his head, “don’t say that. It’s not your fault. Here, scoot over.”

He takes off his shoes and the rest of his clothes until he’s left in his boxers. You do as you’re told and let him into bed with you.

“You want to cuddle or is that too much?” he asks.

Considering your skin feels hot and on fire while your flesh is freezing, your heart contracting in pure agony at even the thought of being touched, you shy away and shake your head, the tears finally starting to flow. He smells the salt in the air, mixing with the salt of your sweat.

You hide your face in the pillow. The sob that passes your lips sounds broken. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” you admit. “Everything just… sucks.”

“I know. I’m so sorry, I wish I could help you.” He doesn’t touch you. He respects your boundaries.

You shiver, curling further into the pillows. His warmth is there, but his hands aren’t. Still, it’s enough to make your body vibrate with the heaviest sob you’ve let out in a while. He wants nothing more than to hug you, but he doesn’t. Instead, he sits by your side and lets you cry it out in the company of someone who understands how you feel because he has them too, the bad episodes, the times he just wants to shut everyone out and sleep in his bathtub. It’s because of that he isn’t angry or upset with you for doing what your mind thought to be right at the moment. He understands better than anyone else ever could, and it somehow makes the tears flow even faster and harder to the point you can’t help it anymore. You ignore the smoldering fire in your chest and curl around his arm; it’s all you can do without breaking apart, but you need him while not needing him, and a touch you can control is better than something forced on you. His pulse drums against your fingers resting around his wrist and it manages to calm your own in the process.

“I want a different brain,” you eventually choke out. “It’s not fair God gave me the messed up one. I don’t want it. I don’t want to be me. I just want to be someone else, just for today.”

The human psyche is treacherous and easily turns your entire mindset against you.

He sighs, reaching up to pat your hair. “I’m sorry,” it’s all he knows how to say. He’s sorry that you feel this way, that you feel guilty for being you, and that there is nothing he can say or do that would make the monster shut up.

His presence has to somehow suffice, telling you you’re not alone anymore and that you’re not the failure you make yourself out to be. He helps you heal while at the same time, he makes you better. You hate him for being so kind, for making you love him so deeply you can’t possibly hate him. It’s confusing, all of this, your heart and your feelings, but most importantly your thoughts.

The tears die down eventually, your tear ducts empty and your mind and body tired from screaming at each other. Your hold has tightened around his arm, your eyes squeezed shut and the occasional sobs are all that are left from the unplanned breakdown.

Matt still has his hand in your hair, brushing through it until your heartbeat has slowed and you can breathe again.

You feel obligated to apologize. “I’m sorry,” you say. Of course, he shuts you down.

“It’s not your fault,” he reminds you. “And I’m always going to be here to tell you that. I love you, sweetheart, and you’re worthy of my love. You’re worthy of all of my love. It’s okay to be depressed, it’s okay to take what you need and it’s more than okay to take a break.”

“Then why do I feel so useless? It’s been like this for a year now and I can’t… I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“Everyone reaches their breaking point eventually. I did, back when I was still living in the church basement. But I crawled my way back out of hell. You know how long it took me, so why put yourself down for taking your time now?”

He makes a valid point, which is infuriating. You whimper. “I hate that I love you so much.”

He chuckles. “Right now you do, tomorrow you won’t.”

“I know.” Your voice cracks again. “God, I’m so sorry. My head’s a mess.”

He leans over to kiss your hair again. “Well, thank God I’m here now to take care of you,” he says. “Tomorrow, I’ll clean up your apartment and make sure you eat something. You don’t have to shower if you don’t feel ready, but it might help. But we’ll see that tomorrow, okay? For now, I want you to rest. I’m right here if you need me.”

The sleep catches up with you shortly after he’s done talking, his hand scratching your scalp while he whispers Sweet nothings into the night, distracting you from the hellish thoughts your mind has conjured up for you. It’s just you and him, his voice a lullaby that you’ve grown accustomed to, and with Matt by your side, you finally fight your way into a dreamless sleep.

He’s your solace, your lifeline, your lifesaver, and he’s always there, even when you don’t ask him to. He’s the comfort you need, your common sense and the sun that lights up your darkest days. Without him, you’re sure you would have been lost, swallowed by the tide of severe mental illness and the cruelty that is life itself.

You love him and he loves you, the perfect pair, both damaged but so good to each other, the bad matters a little less when you’re together.

#matt murdock #tw: depressive episode #matt murdock x reader #gender neutral reader #daredevil #daredevil x reader #mental illness #reader insert #matt murdock angst #hurt/comfort #matt murdock fluff #it’s queue bitches

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rosyrosethings · 6 months

Text

Y/n returns after missing

Part 2

Part two

Overwhelmed by a maelstrom of emotions, Y/n barely recognized the sense of belonging that once pulsed in the walls of her home. The sanctuary she returned to seemed distorted through her tears, each droplet blurring the line between her expectations and reality. The first few hours of her return were a blur, spent in the throes of uncontrollable sobs, while her mother's soothing words fell like autumn leaves upon deaf ears. Her heart, heavy with an unnamed dread, had braced for impact, but not for the storm that was to come.

In the midst of her turmoil, her mother reappeared, bearing what should have been a gift but felt like a burden. "Y/n, honey. I’m back, and here’s your new phone. It has the same number as before, and all your messages and pictures are in there,” her mother's voice was a soft hum, a slight vibrato betraying her worry.

Y/n accepted the phone with a murmur of thanks, the cold device a stark contrast to her warm, stinging cheeks. As her mother retreated, closing the door gently behind her, respecting the privacy that she needed. Y/n was left alone with nothing but the glow of the screen. Notifications flooded in, a deluge of missed connections: over 500 texts, calls, and voicemails. Each ping was a reminder of the life that had continued in her absence, each message a plea pulling her back.

She scrolled through the messages, heart aching more with every word. Concern, confusion, and disbelief filled the screen until she stumbled upon Harry’s texts. She couldn’t — wouldn’t — let herself spiral further down that hole, not now. Her gaze caught Zayn’s name, and she clung to the change of focus like a lifeline.

Zayn's initial message was a beacon of normalcy, a reminder of plans made before her world turned upside down: 'Hey, when you come back from your trip, we have to go out and celebrate.' But the messages that followed were steeped in anxiety, ending in a raw, vulnerable confession: 'Y/n, I can’t believe you’re gone...I miss you. You were a really good friend to me after I left the band, and I feel I need you now more than ever before.'

With a trembling hand, she replied, a small smile ghosting her lips for the first time in hours. 'Idk if you have the same number lol. But Hii.'

At that moment, Zayn was entrenched in his skepticism, dismissing rumors of Y/n’s return as mere fan fiction. But then, her message arrived, coinciding with his discovery of a blog post that confirmed his worst fears and best hopes: “Y/n has lunch with Harry Styles and his new fiancée Kendall.”

The conversation that ensued was a dance between old friends, familiar and comforting despite the circumstances.

'Wow, looks who’s back like they never left,' Zayn texted, relief mingling with residual tension.

'Lol, I am back, and better... though I kinda wish I was back on the island right now. Instead of here, crying,' Y/n’s reply was a mix of jest and heartbreaking honesty.

'Ohh, I’m assuming you found out about Harry and Kendall,' Zayn ventured cautiously, the words hanging heavy even in digital space.

'Yea... I did, but it’s okay. The world moves on, Just everything is different,' Y/n texted back with a sadness that Zayn could almost feel through the screen.

Determined to lift her spirits, Zayn quickly changed the subject. 'Okay, how about you come here tomorrow? it’s a place with no parents or ex-boyfriends.'

'Sounds awesome,' Y/n responded, the simplicity of her message belying the gratitude she felt for this unwavering friendship.

'See, I haven’t changed. I’m still your good friend,' Zayn affirmed, his words wrapping Y/n in a comforting embrace, reminding her that even in the darkest times, she wasn’t alone.

***

The afternoon had waned into evening by the time Harry returned home from lunch, the atmosphere heavy with an unspoken tension that seemed to vibrate in the air. The house, once a haven, now echoed with an awkward silence that settled between him and Kendall, thick and almost tangible. Harry's mind was a chaotic whirlwind, the image of Y/n incessantly flashing before his eyes, refusing to fade even as hours trickled by. It wasn't a question of love — his feelings for Kendall were genuine, deep-seated — but since Y/n's unexpected reappearance, the dynamics of his emotions had shifted inexplicably, unsettlingly.

The nightly routine unfolded with mechanical detachment; Kendall slipped into her pajamas, the fabric whispering softly against her skin in the quiet of their shared bedroom. The bed, usually a place of comfort, seemed to loom larger and more imposing than usual, a battlefield on which unvoiced concerns lay in wait.

“The fans are going crazy since Y/n’s back,” Kendall broke the silence, her words careful, probing. Harry offered a noncommittal hum, his mind miles away, lost in memories he thought he'd archived in the recesses of his heart.

She exhaled slowly, a mixture of frustration and resignation, before climbing into bed. The sheets felt colder than usual. “Harry...you called her ‘kitten’,” she voiced out softly, the word hanging heavily between them.

“So? It’s just a nickname,” Harry retorted defensively, a hint of irritation lacing his tone. But Kendall wasn’t convinced. To her, 'just a nickname' didn’t scratch the surface of the significance behind it.

She turned on her side to face him, shadows playing across her features in the dim light. “You remember why you called her kitten, don’t you? I asked you years back,” Kendall mumbled, her voice a mix of curiosity and a painful sort of anticipation.

The memory surfaced effortlessly. “Yeah, I told you it was because she followed me home from school like a lost cat when she was 6 and I was 8...and since I love cats, she became my favorite kitten ever,” Harry’s voice was soft, the nostalgia evident in his words, his mind reliving a simpler time.

Kendall’s heart ached with an indescribable emotion. “And when I tried to get you a cat, you wouldn’t let me...” she recalled, the memory bitter on her tongue.

“Because it would make me think of her, and she was gone,” he admitted quietly, his voice barely above a whisper, laden with a sorrow that had been tucked away until now.

The silence that followed was deafening, the confession hanging in the air, a ghost of a past that neither of them could fully grasp. Finally, Kendall’s voice, small and vulnerable, broke the stillness. “Do you even still love me?”

Harry’s heart clenched. “Of course, I do, Kendall,” he reassured, reaching out to gently stroke her arm, an attempt to bridge the chasm that had formed between them. “Let’s just go to sleep.”

But as they settled into the quiet of the night, sleep seemed like a distant dream, the unspoken thoughts and feelings a cacophony louder than any spoken word. The presence of the past, embodied by Y/n, lay between them, an invisible but palpable barrier as they drifted into a restless slumber.

The golden hues of mid-morning streamed through the large windows of Zayn's contemporary house as Y/n pushed the door open. It was a place she had been many times before, yet the familiar surroundings felt almost alien in her changed reality.

Greeting her with a mischievous grin, Zayn's voice echoed from the sleek, modern kitchen. "You know we absolutely must throw you a grand welcome-back party, right?" He leaned against the cool marble countertop, watching her deftly maneuver through the kitchen, prepping to bake cupcakes.

Her eyes never left the mixing bowl as she responded, her voice laced with a touch of sarcasm, "Oh, absolutely not ." The rhythmic sound of the mixer blended seamlessly with her focused movements, the aroma of vanilla wafting in the air.

Zayn pushed off from the counter, approaching her with a playful determination. "Look, Y/n, you've returned from what the media is terming 'the great beyond'. They're portraying you like a lost, heartbroken soul. You deserve an evening to unwind, especially given the emotional roller coaster you've been on since your return."

Y/n sighed, sliding the tray of cupcakes into the preheated oven, her eyes reflective. "Alright, alright. I guess you're right."

His eyes lit up, an idea sparking. "And... we're inviting Harry. He needs to see just how radiant you'll be tonight."

She arched an eyebrow, feigning shock, "So, I'm not radiant right now?"

Zayn let out a chuckle, eyes raking over the oversized shirt she wore, now splattered with traces of flour and chocolate. "You look incredibly alluring in my shirt, not gonna lie. But the baking aftermath gives you a... more homely charm." His grin widened at her faux glare.

With a playful glint in her eyes, Y/n dipped her finger into a pot of frosting, deliberately hiking up the shirt slightly for effect. She slowly licked the sweet substance off, eyes locked with Zayn's.

Seizing the moment, Zayn whipped out his phone, capturing the candid moment in a boomerang for his Instagram followers. His fingers danced over the screen as he captioned it, 'Guess who's back like they never left.'

Curious, Y/n darted around the counter to peek at the post. Giggling at the image, she quipped, "I look like slut in your kitchen."

Zayn chuckled, "Let's hope Gigi spots this. She posted with some guy literally a day after our split."

Y/n’s laughter softened, her gratitude evident. "Thanks for lending me your shirt, by the way. Most of my belongings were given away, and my mom's wardrobe... let's just say, not quite my style."

He winked, offering her a comforting squeeze on the shoulder, "Anytime, love. But we should start thinking about what you're going to wear tonight. It's going to be legendary."

The evening was draped in anticipation as Harry meticulously dressed in his finest suit, the fabric clinging perfectly to his well-sculpted frame. He was mentally preparing himself for the night ahead, a party thrown by Zayn, someone he hadn't communicated with in months. However, the image from Zayn's recent snap, showcasing Y/n in all her effortless beauty, lingered in his mind. She appeared as enchanting as he remembered, if not more so, and the thought of seeing her tonight set his heart racing.

Kendall's voice sliced through his reverie, "Where are you off to?"

"A party," Harry replied, his tone nonchalant but his mind far from calm.

Kendall, sensing an opportunity to bridge the distance that had grown between them, began to ready herself. "Well, you should've asked me to join. I can get ready in no time."

"No," Harry interjected, more sharply than he intended, "I need to do this alone. We could use some time apart, honestly."

Kendall's attempts to negotiate fell on deaf ears, her words dying in her throat as Harry’s tone escalated, "Enough, Kendall! I'm going alone." The absence of her usual endearments — no 'babe,' 'love,' or 'Kenny' — didn't escape her. His formality stung more than she expected.

"Fine. I'll stay back... make dinner maybe, for when you return," she offered, a final attempt to maintain some normalcy.

"No need," he responded curtly, his hand already on the door handle, "I'll be late."

"Okay... bye, love you," she murmured into the void he left behind, her words hanging heavy in the room. The door's slam echoed her solitude.

Driving to the party, Harry's thoughts were monopolized by Y/n. Upon arrival, he noticed the gathering was intimate, 10-15 people at most, creating an atmosphere of exclusivity. His name was cheered as he entered, and a beaming Niall emerged from the crowd, enveloping him in a warm embrace.

"Hey lad, what brings you here?" Harry inquired, genuinely surprised.

"It's for Y/n, plus, I couldn't possibly miss her famous cupcakes," Niall chuckled, the memories of those perfectly sweet treats vivid in their minds. Harry remembered being equally enamored by her baking skills, the cupcakes akin to professional patisserie standards. Niall was known to badger Y/n into baking at every opportunity.

Eager, Harry's gaze swept over the attendees, "Where is she?"

Niall shrugged, "Haven't seen her yet. Zayn would know." His words were barely out when Zayn appeared, a platter of the much-hyped cupcakes in hand.

Harry snagged one, engaging in a catch-up conversation with Zayn, just when Y/n descended the stairs. The room's energy shifted palpably, cheers erupting around her. Harry's breath hitched; she was a vision, her dress hugging her in all the right places, her beauty ethereal. Their eyes locked, a myriad of unspoken words flowing between them. She seemed to pause, a moment of hesitation, before being swept into conversation with another guest. However, their eye contact remained unbroken, both ensnared in silent dialogue while others chattered around them.

A dollop of frosting adorned Harry's cheek as he took a bite, eyes still fixated on Y/n. Excusing herself, she made a beeline for him, determination in her stride.

"May I borrow him for a sec?" Her words were directed at whoever Harry was speaking to, but her eyes never left his. Without waiting for an affirmative, she seized Harry's arm, leading him to a more secluded hallway.

"Hi," he greeted, the corners of his mouth tilting upwards in a familiar smile that she had missed so profoundly.

Her giggle was like music to his ears. Gracefully, she wiped the rogue chocolate from his face, holding her frosting-coated finger up as evidence. As she was about to lick it clean, Harry caught her hand in a swift motion, drawing her finger into his mouth. The deliberate, slow movement as he savored the frosting off her sent a surge of desire through them both.

"You know I can’t resist chocolate," he mumbled against her skin, his voice a low rumble that she felt deep in her core.

Their moment, however intense, was short-lived as Zayn’s voice boomed across the room, "Y/n, c'mon, time for drinks!"

Reluctantly breaking their bubble, she bestowed on Harry a smile that held promises, whispering with a playful edge, "You better be here when I come back." Her words hung in the air as she melded back into the party, leaving Harry entranced, counting down moments till her return.

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #watermelon sugar #fine line #harrys house #love story

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eorzeashan · 2 months

Text

Long time no swtor thinkpiece, but.

Thinking about Eight in the IA class story and then who he is post-Alliance; going from a bold, daring and casually ambitious wildcard to someone who feels as if he's lost most of his zeal to become rather...listless. Empty. Not to say that he isn't fulfilled by his work in the Alliance (who all make exceptions to have him do anything but murder all day) but he starts picking up more mundane activities like, peeling potatoes for the Alliance cantina, or doing minor tasks that don't involve much thought on his own volition-- a stark change from a man who only cared about his blade and who it fell on. It's like he's been soundly defeated by the circumstances surrounding him.

Then there's the issue of his companions, who only knew him as their cunning leader who stopped at nothing to achieve his goals, even using some of them in the process, who now appears to be an entirely different person. One who quietly fades into the background, instead of being in the thick of it. He's changed.

His skills haven't waned, but his voice is flat, his eyes without gleam, his all consuming desire that drove him to accomplish the impossible by the day naught but simmering ashes by the time they reunite with him in KOTXX. He even apologizes to some, without explanation. This distresses Vector, in particular, who witnessed the worst of his sides way back in the day. "It's not me you should apologize to, Agent." Vector can only quietly say, "I have never held you in ill regard for the choices you've made, anathema as they were to my principles." It's a conversation that peters off, but one that Eight never had, never had soon enough --his firm refusal to rectify or acknowledge that Vector could choose him over his own ideals is one that gnaws at him on the inside for years, on his own belief that people cannot change what they truly believe in, and so there is no point in trying to make amends for what bridges he burns in the pursuit of his own wishes. This, and many other denials, compound over the years into a rather hurtful self-made solitude that follows him long into the Alliance. (A mother will never give up her son. There is no other way. I cannot change my nature as a weapon. Their rejection of me is something I must accept.) A punishment, but for who?

Perhaps he still feels he's failed the last mission Keeper entrusted to him. The one that asked him to become a real, living person, and not just a sword dressed in imperial colors.

Eight spirals during the events of the Eternal Empire. He watches his downfall happen in real time. There's little he does about it. His home is gone, as are the people he fought for--Keeper, Watcher 2, Intelligence--and this new age is only filled with allies he cuts down faster than he can imprint their names into his memory. He's alone in this fight at the behest of others who do choose their ideals over him, who, in the end, turn away in fear and disgust when he bloodies his blade in their name. He makes no effort afterwards to right his image in their minds. He plays the villain, if others will not. For the first time, he tires of killing.

This leaves him alone, an outcast even among friends. Eventually, amongst the ruin their failed Alliance leaves in its wake, someone asks why things turned out this way; his lack of a will in the greater fight comes to light and sets several alarm bells off. Lana reduces his duties on the battlefield. Others, out of shared guilt and a fear of the bloodshed he wreaked on their orders, give him a wide berth to live normally for a while. It's not much and does little to his disillusionment and estrangement with his allies, but...it's a start.

Eight the Assassin turns into just Eight. And Eight the former agent, ex-Cipher, killer extraordinaire who never once dreamed of the stars, turns into someone who quietly watches the sun set on a world he barely recognizes,l but still stays up to see it, potato peeler in hand.

#swtor #oc: orradiz #ooc #kotxx #this is just. rambling thoughts.#eight gets so damn lifeless after but he's...healing. living. what else is living but moving past your will to die #eight's weird complex about the ideals of others and people being unable to treat him as anything but a stepping stone for that #and he used to treat others like that as well #and wuh OH keeper still haunting him like a decade later #he's just. he had so much energy back in the class story and it all faded away #he's a lot wiser now but also has so much shit to work through and he has no friends. i said it #the retired and mysterious life of ex agents #HELLO? IS ANYONE OUT THERE DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND THISSSS

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imminent-danger-came · 10 months

Note

IVE ONLY SEEN ONE PERSON POINT THIS OUT BUT MK TRIES TO PUNCH MACAQUE DISGUISED AS WUKONG BEFORE HE EVEN REALIZES ITS WUKONG. I CAN FEEL THE MK AND SWK FIGHT IN MY BONES. Also can you imagine with like that one art post Mei asks MK who HE wants to be, not a reflection of somebody, not the Monkie Kid, not the Harbringer of Chaos and HE REPLIES WITH HIS REAL NAME I WOULD GO INSANE

I'm like. 85% sure that person was me afasdfafsd. I know I've mentioned it before somewhere!

Because it's like, MK feels extremely abandoned and hurt by Wukong during s2. MK's line of "Fine! Then just leave! At least my friends will never abandon me!" in 2x01 Sleep Bug is VERY telling, and it also makes me sob when put together with 3x10 The Samadhi Fire:

MK: "NO! Mei is my best friend—I'd never abandon her when she needs me! We're heroes! It's what we do!"

And 4x02 New Adventures:

MK: “You don’t know! We’d risk it for sure! I won’t abandon them when they need us.”

MK's own low self-worth combined with Wukong's tendency to leave in the worst way possible, which was only further exacerbated by the Lady Bone Demon's manipulation.

And I think MK's experiences and feelings throughout s2 made him resolve to never make his friends feel abandoned.

But of course, since this is Lego Monkie Kid, it's more interesting than just that—because MK leaves at the end of s4. It was out of fear, sure, but so was Wukong leaving in s2 and at the end of s3. MK does exactly what he set out not to do, making the same mistakes his mentor has, literally going to isolate himself on Flower Fruit Mountain for an undetermined amount of time.

It's things like this that make the question of "Who is MK" so intriguing, because that's who MK want's to be. He want's to be himself. But who is that person?

Is MK just like Wukong? Is he a harbinger of chaos? Is he just a noodle delivery boy? Is he Monkie Kid? What if you remove all those labels? What's left? What is he?

(Plus the whole "I just want to be me—to be MK!" "Yeah well...we all know where that leads." interaction between MK and the curse in 4x07)

And now that we've thrown MK's mysterious past and ominous future into the mix, we are in for a FULL on identity crisis spiral next season.

And well, when it comes down to it, MK was willing and ready to fight Wukong in s2. The lmk writers are fantastic at paying off several arcs all at the same time (see all of 3x10, which literally had the culmination of Mei's, MK's, Wukong's, and Macaque's arcs all in one. It's fucking phenomenal), and this is partly due to the time constraints of the show as a whole, but it's also just damn good writing. MK's past, his identity, the hurt he's experienced across every season—that's all going to come to a head. I also imagine it's going to happen right along side Mei, Wukong, and Macaque's arcs once again, because that's just how this show do. It do insane shit.

I also happen to be a believer in "Samadhi Fire Part 3", in which we get another 3x10 and 4x08 parallel to round it all up, and I am waiting, WAITING, for Mei to repeat MK's words back at him:

“Mei! You have to stop. I know you’re upset, and that’s okay! I know what it’s like to have a power you don’t know how to control—to feel like the fate of the world is in your hands and you have no idea what to do! But you always have my back, and help me through it. We, will figure this out! Together!” (3x10 The Samadhi Fire)

((Which, MK himself is repeating Mei's words back at her, with "But we're going to figure this out." I NEED A POSITIVE FEEDBACK FRIEND LOOP BABY))

But yeah. I'M WAITING MAN. WE HAVE THE SAME BONE FEELINGS.

#In my heart of hearts. I want MK to beat the SHIT out of Wukong #And then I want Mei to stop him #Like please please please #THE SET-UP'S ALL THERE #AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES ME INSANE ABOUT THIS IN PARTICULAR #Cause like. Me? I'm a really big fan of set-up #I was watching She-ra with my friends tonight and we're finally at the rushed Catra redemption #Complete downward spiral in s4 and 2 episodes into s5 she's all of a sudden cool with Glimmer #And Glimmers cool with her. Despite the fact that Catra was the one who basically killed her mom. And her planet.#Like hello #I know you're both alone but things should not have resolved this quickly #Like we literally waited 4 seasons for shadowpeach to even have a civil conversation with each other #But again that's because lmk actually knows what set-up and payoff is #Like. If I watch She-ra give someone else an unearned character arc ONE MORE TIME. WHERE THEY JUST SUDDENLY GET BETTER.#I'LL LOSE IT (< knows they have 10 more episodes of the show doing exactly that)#asks #lmk analysis #lmk #lego monkie kid #monkie kid #lmk MK #shera critical #since I complained in the tags #you know how it is

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hungharrington · 10 months

Note

im embarrassed that i never saw your sleepover post sooner... BUT i come with a very pressing question... fuck, marry, kill... but its versions of steve ive written edition... so that leaves you with hot neighbour dilf steve, roommate steve, and last but certainly not least best friend steve

have fun with this!!

but you're not late! we have only just begun my dear <3 now... fuck, marry, kill..... why did i even include a kill in this, i'm changing that to kiss right now why would i ever wanna kill my pookie. im trying think who u would have the hottest sex with LMAO but..... i think.... come along with me for this as i try convince you....

fuck hot neighbour dilf steve. listen! this has the highest stakes for the hottest sex! this is like, the dude that's spent enough time in bed so he knows what he's doing and he can play your body like a goddamn instrument. it's ravenous but not like 'fuck-in-the--backseat-of-the-car-we-dont-have-time-to-go-elsewhere' its like 'my-big-house-is-free-lets-fuck-on-every-surface' yanno? :) like you guys fuck in the kitchen, you ride him on the couch, he takes you on the back balcony, and then many many times in the bed - he treats you right and you get at least more than one orgasm than you're expecting. and then you guys totally eye-fuck each other every time you see each other at the grocery store :)

kiss sweet roommate!steve. this is just sweetness actually :') how does one accidentally kiss their roomie? this is the kinda kiss that spirals off into both of you realising that you actually want to do that and a lot more. all of the time. this is the kiss that changes it all! maybe its a drunken party and there's a game of spin the bottle (because there always is) or one of them is in a tiff about a bad date they went on but either way, the kiss with roommate!steve, the hot guy you live with who you definitely think about too much in the shower, is the definition of a kiss with fireworks. it would be bomb and after a big song and dance, a little miscommunication angst, u guys absolutely end up dating and happier than ever <3

now.... cmon now auttie, you know i have to marry best friend!steve.... he's my best friend!! that means you goddamn stuck with him through all of the events of the seasons-- you're there post breakup with nancy to hold him together, there when billy beats the shit of him, pressing the tiniest bandaids on his face because you want to help, you're there when he starts scoops! and you provide ample teasing for the shorts even if they drive you crazy -- so of course, you're there when you all go down in the russian elevator and experience the worst night of your lives. so naturally, best friend steve and you? bonded to hell and back. your love would be easy, it would feel as warm as daylight on your skin and as sweet as the first fruit of summer -- and steve would love you so well. he dedicates himself to you, entirely, loves how you push him back out into the world and stand as his number one supporter and how you make each other better. there is no better foundation for marrying someone than being best friends and it just means that, some nights end in tender-loving ooey-gooey in love sex and some nights end in a pillow fight :D it keeps u on your toes

come join the sleepover!

#YARS #AMAZING QUESTION #I THINK I JUST SPENT LIKE 15 MINUTES THINKING OUT ENTIRE FIC IDEAS WITH THESE LMAO #jay answers #jay writes #autumn <3!#jays 1k sleepover #steve harrington #steve x reader #steve harrington x reader

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elytrafemme · 6 months

Text

i think i'm going to take a break from tumblr. (that's the TLDR, the rest of the post is long ramblings) i know that's shitty, because God knows I never check discord (not nearly as much as i should, but there's just so much) and barely reply to ao3 comments and so the least i could do is just exist here. but being on here makes the anger and grief i've been feeling for the last few weeks amplify. i can't exactly place it (well, i can place some of it, but that's neither here nor there), but i think while online activism in a place truly as online and disconnected as tumblr can be meaningful, it's so much more important to me right now to be fighting the battle in the world around me. and to find that community. because obviously i love you guys but when i feel like i'm about to spiral into a horrible place, i have to find company in the form of someone physically with me (maybe my therapist was right about me having someone on standby in this city huh). and when i see people with the most horrific understandings of what is happening in the world, to my siblings across the water, it's easier to contest that and stomach it when it's around me here than online. because at least i can do something about one of those things. what's happening in Gaza (and i admit I need to educate myself more about what's occurring in Armenia & Sudan) contains a pain that i only know a sliver of, being a second generation Iraqi Muslim across the Atlantic. but the pain is still visceral, and i've never felt this disappointed in myself in my entire life every fucking second. i'm on the edge of a relapse into something i thought i got over two years ago, and i can barely exist with myself when i'm alone but can't bring myself to ask for help. i just want to lay on my friends' air mattress in the floor above mine and never see my old friends or family again. october was the best month of my life, but simultaneously the worst, because every time there wasn't a movie night or a hangout i was cracking into pieces. for the first time in five years i need to make a safety plan, not for my life but for what i do within it. because i have no idea what tomorrow is going to look like for me but i know it's not going to be good. i'm convinced people are watching me and that if i make just one post here i'm going to hear someone banging on my door and i am so fucking scared. i usually repress these things but yesterday's realization that i'm more alone than i've ever been, and that i've been alone for so much longer than i thought, is making it hard to breathe. i don't know how to be a good person. i don't know how to live with myself anymore.

so i'm taking a break from tumblr. i might still be liking posts, but i need to force myself to stop using the site. i don't remember my password entirely so i don't want to log out, but i won't be here. it's also safe to say i'll be gone from discord for a while, too. looking at my dms makes me nauseous and i hope at least one person may be able to understand why. i'm sorry to my friends who i've not replied to in a while, i love you and i think of you and there will be a reply. obviously with every "i'm taking a break" post there's the odds i'm back here tomorrow, but i don't think that's the case.

i'll be okay. i love you all. see you.

#nightmare.personal #i have no idea what to do with myself now.#i know these things resolve themselves by the morning but i don't think this is just a mood swing.#i think this is something a lot worse. and it's just the beginning.

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mimiii-3 · 11 months

Note

hiya! :) hope you're doing well!

could I request a little piece with Azul and a (preferably gn) reader with the same sort of body image issues / body dysmorphia as him? it can be angst, comfort, whatever you feel works best!

thank you~ ♥︎

Hi anon! Thanks for the request! You have good timing cuz I was cooking up something similar with the other boys🤭

Azul reacts to a reader with the same body image issues as him

Note/warning: gn reader, body image issues, angst + comfort

. . .

Azul

• has struggled with his body for many, many years

• his heart breaks when he finds out you know exactly how he feels

• he discovered your body image issues when Ace took a photo of you

• Ace didn’t mean any harm by it, he just likes taking impromptu pictures of his friends

• the picture he took displayed your side profile, one of the aspects of yourself that you hated

• the incident left you spiraling and the only place you could think to go was Azul’s

• he heard the furious knocking at his door and opens it to find you doubled over, crying hysterically

• he ushers you inside with a newfound gentleness

• sits you on his armchair while he speeds off to get you some water and tissues

• he returns and sits between your legs, looking up at you

• he is literally begging you to tell him what happened

• you finally managed to choke out your story in between sobs

• Azul is stumped

• to find out his girlfriend struggles with the same issues as him is both comforting and gut-wrenching

• one on hand, he feels closer to you than ever

• like there is someone out there who truly understands him

• on the other hand, he feels like the worst boyfriend in the world

• how could he not notice you were feeling this way? Was he too invested in his own struggles to not notice yours?

• he can’t decide on what to say so he opts for rubbing his soft hands up and down your thighs

• he slowly starts to mutter how beautiful you are as he moves his arms around your waist

• he pulls your torso closer to him so that your legs are now tight against his sides

• his face is pressed into your tummy while he looks up at you with love and adoration

• you protest and put one hand on his head to try and push him away from another part of yourself you hate

• he doesn’t move and instead squeezes you tighter and shifts from his ‘you’re beautiful’ mantra to a list of everything he loves about you

• you start to cry again, overwhelmed by his sudden outburst of love and affection

• Azul starts to kiss your tummy and then makes his way up to your neck

• he softly pecks your neck and makes his way to your right ear

• kisses the lobe of your ear and then moves on to your cheek

• covers both of your checks in these warm, loving kisses that you can’t help but melt into

• he kisses the tip of your nose before he rubs his own against it

• he opens his eyes and leans back to get a good look at you

• he is fiercely blushing and can hardly for a coherent sentence anymore

• Azul clears his throat and whispers out an ‘I love you’

• you feel so full of love, you can’t help but throw your arms around him

• you kiss the top of his head as you weakly mutter out a ‘thank you’

• he lets out a deep sigh and allows himself to be lightly rocked in your embrace

• you stay in each other’s arms all night long while you simultaneously heal together

“It pains me to see you hurting this way. Let’s make a deal. If you start to be more gentle with yourself, then I will too. Does that sound good, lovey?”

#twisted wonderland #headcanon #twst headcanons #fanfic #fanfiction #twst azul #azul ashengrotto

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ggsyoons · 9 months

Text

In This Fucked Up World

| c.seungchol ♡ y.jh ♡ x.mh |

Chapter 2 - We'll Meet Again

・❥・word count: 2.9k

“In this fucked up world, I’m the only one who became a fool.” ♡ or: Seungcheol and Jeonghan slowly fall in love with you, but you still battle with past feelings. It doesn’t help that Minghao is in your life again.

- ☆ ao3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/48645199/chapters/122707843

- ☆ wattpad

https://www.wattpad.com/1365490693-in-this-fucked-up-world-we%27ll-meet-again

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

You must’ve stared at that text for so long the employee began getting worried.

She asked, softly and shyly, “Ma’am, are you alright?” As she leaned over the counter, craning her neck to see you.

That’s when you got a dose of reality and you immediately stood, gathering everything as you did.

”Yes, um,” You quickly shoved your phone back into your pocket. “Sorry, could you ring these up for me?”

The girl nodded and did just that, the transaction went smoothly, but she still looked a bit concerned; she didn’t pry, though.

The moment you got outside, you set down the bag of foods atop the outdoor tables then immediately whipped your phone out.

You stated at that text. You stared at it hard.

After three years…

But this could all still be a scam. How were you supposed to know that it’s truly Minghao?

You: how do i know that you’re minghao?

…

xxx-xxx-xxx: When we went to school together, you would always use the bathroom on the 2nd floor, in the stall at the very end, claiming it had “better toilet paper” ^_^

Oh, my God.

That weirdly specific detail about yourself, even that stupid emoticon Minghao would use all the time.

You: wow it really is you

xxx-xxx-xxx: Yep

You: why are you contacting me, though? after all this time?

xxx-xxx-xxx: Can I not want to talk to my best friend?

That was kind of heartwarming, He still thinks of me as his best friend? Or is he just being nice.

You: but i thought we couldn’t contact each other again?

xxx-xxx-xxx: Things changed ^_^

His stupid obsession with that stupid emoticon… You just smiled to yourself. Ah, waif, I should add his name so it isn’t just his number.

Minghao: Can I come over?

This single, four word message nearly had you spiralling. You were still trying to cope with this situation.

You: come over? like, to my place??

Minghao: Where else lol

…

You: i guess? but wouldn’t that be risky for you?

Minghao: I’ll figure it out ~

With that, you set your phone down and looked up at the gloomy sky.

All the emotions came pumping into you, punching you in the gut in one go and you quickly became overwhelmed.

This felt like a dream, a fever dream.

You were lying if you didn’t say that you haven’t thought of Minghao coming back to you or vice versa; but it was always special. He shows up to your graduation, the two of you cross paths coincidentally, you go back home and he’s there - special.

Special.

Not on a rainy Tuesday afternoon as you’re shopping for convenience store food.

Everything felt so surreal. You would meet him, he wanted to meet you.

I’m surprised he still remembers me. After everything.

After all this time.

Your phone buzzed again, you checked it with such speed the table shook.

Minghao: Can I have your addy?

You: oh right

…

You: here

You felt stupid for not thinking of this.

Minghao: Thanx, I’ll be there soon ^_^

…

Minghao: I missed you

That’s when your face began burning up. You buried it in your hands.

What am I supposed to even say to that…?

After all the feelings of disbelief came sadness, or more tragic nostalgia which made you want to just cry.

No, not here. Think happy thoughts. You just breathed in and out the. got up, reopening your umbrella.

You had never been so happy that you lived close to the convenience store.

Sure, your apartment was no pigsty, but you still wanted it to look nice. But why? You couldn’t help but think as you entered the doors in a panic.

This is Minghao, I mean. He’s seen both me and my room at the worst and so have I.

You hadn’t seen him in so long that you had begun to think of him as a stranger.

How miserable. You tried to shoo away that depressing thought, but it was the truth, and it was only natural.

Shaking your head, you just decided to clean up a bit, for courtesy sake and change, perhaps do your hair and redo your makeup a bit. You were meeting a very close friend for the first time after three years of no contact, after all.

Dirty dishes in the sink were loaded up in the washer, strewn pillows were placed upright, miscellaneous items on the counters were put back. Just mild things, you still wanted the place to look lived in.

Your looks were nothing to write home about, either.

Low ponytail with a white sweater and black pants, completely casual. Too casual? Not casual enough? You decided not to go down that path.

Whenever you had downtime, you would just pause and think.

Your emotions were fluctuating like waves, they just wouldn’t settle as they crashed against you.

On one hand, you were ecstatic. Minghao. Xu Minghao. You couldn’t forget about him, even if the feelings were gone, the friendship was everlasting. Although not romantic anymore, you still loved him.

Yet on the other, would it bring you pain?

You were so hyper confident that no feelings, not even a smidge nor residue of them remained, but was that true?

After seeing Minghao again, in the flesh, could you still say that with confidence.

You didn’t know. You didn’t know and it drove you nuts.

It took an hour, but it passed like seconds as the doorbell rung.

You felt like you were opening a door to the future or something with how stiff and frigidly you approached it.

Whether this interaction would bring you turmoil or not, you still wanted it to happen.

The only thing you wanted was to not be the one left in the past.

Minghao greeted you with a hug the second that door opened.

He felt as skinny as ever as he leaned against you, only slightly stronger from the years and rigorous training.

”Y/N.” Minghao said with a loud exhale.

He removed himself from you and closed the door. Unsurprisingly, he was wearing dark shades and a mask with a cap that covered his whole head, almost making him look bald.

”Great disguise.”

Minghao removed the sunglasses first, “I know, right?”

”Though, I don’t know many people who wear sunglasses when the whether is like that.”

Minghao chuckled, “True, but I’d rather look like a weirdo than be noticed and mobbed.”

”Fair.”

Minghao took a moment to stare at you. You wondered if he was as amazed to see you as you were of him.

“You’re even prettier than when we last met.” His big brown eyes couldn’t be torn away.

Now, you had to admit that made your heart skip a beat slightly.

“It’s my turn now.”

”But haven’t you seen me on TV and online multiple times?” He chuckled.

”Yeah, but people are always different on screen and off - let me see now!”

“Okay, okay.” Minghao raised his hands in defeat.

You waited for him to take the mask off, your heart beating faster and faster as Minghao’s slender fingers reached for the elastics.

It’s only been three years, I’m sure he hasn’t changed that much. I’ve also seen him countless times on TV and the internet, so why am I so damn nervous?

Your hands were behind your back, your lips sealed, and gripping your wrist tight.

When Minghao finally took off the mask, he truly was no different.

Still that slender face, thin lips, and narrow eyes which looked like a cat’s. He looked a little different compared to what gets put on the internet, you could see how he was undeneath the makeup and filters.

He was pretty, as handsome as ever.

Minghao took off his cap next, that’s when you were a little taken aback.

”Wow, Minghao…” You brushed it with your fingers, it felt a bit stringy from bleach yet overall soft. “Silver, huh?”

Minghao looked a little shy, “Yeah, I dyed it just this morning. You’re the first person to see it.” He ruffled it around, just like he used to do.

He didn’t change. It all felt so surreal, still.

“It feels like… for three years it’s radio silence and then out of nowhere, you’re just here in front of me.”

Minghao’s expression dropped slightly, “I’m sorry, things changed.”

”Things like what?”

“To put it shortly, doing work in Korea for a while, I’ve gotten enough fame to gain independence only recently.”

”And the first thing you do is see me?”

”How could I not?”

You couldn’t help but smile, “Out of all things…” You felt a tightness behind your eyes and your nose began twitching.

Minghao noticed immediately, he was always so attentive.

”Are you—?”

”How could I not?”

You were crying. In all honesty, you were surprised that it took this long for the tears to fall.

Everything happened in the span of an hour, you were so overwhelmed with so many emotions, all colliding and crashing into you at the same time.

Happiness, shock, disbelief, relief, even sorrow.

Minghao took you in his arms again, he had grown since he was sixteen, but not by much - just enough to put his chin atop your head.

”How long are you in Korea for?” You asked, pulling away.

The tears made your vision blurry, your eyes were stinging now. Plus, your nose was now running.

”Six months.” Minghao said, putting the number up with his fingers.

”Half a year, huh? What business do you have here?”

“Mostly just starring on shows and stuff, plus some concerts and a tour to end it off.”

“You say things like that so casually,” You couldn’t help but laugh a little through the tears. ��Like these are just regular Tuesday activities for you.”

Minghao scratched his head, “I mean…”

”You know what I mean.”

He just laughed as well. You sensed an awkward tension sort of, you knew Minghao sensed it, too.

It’s only natural. I’m just glad we aren’t strangers - I hope. That and he hasn’t let the fame made him arrogant, he’s still Xu Minghao.

”I can’t hang out for too long today, I have a meeting. I just wanted to see you, it’s the first thing I’ve been wanting to you since stepping foot back here.”

You hugged him again. Minghao’s arms felt like home, felt like high school, as cheesy as that sounded.

”How have you been?” Minghao asked quietly, his arms wrapped tightly around you.

“I got into my dream university.”

”I knew you would, you were the top of the class.”

“Yeah, but being in university is a humbling experience… everyone there is as good or better than me, it’s like a field of geniuses.”

”Idol life is the same. You feel so talented for being that one in a million, then you realize everyone else is also that one in a million, and some are way better than you’ll ever be.”

”I can only imagine…”

Minghao’s phone suddenly rang, he jumped from you and took it within seconds.

“Yes? Yeah, I’ll come back down. Gimme a sec.”

Short and sweet, Minghao merely spoke a few words, barely a sentence before shoving his phone back into his baggy pants.

You watched him put the disguise back on - hat first, then mask, and finally the sunglasses.

”I’ll see you real soon, every chance I get to make up for lost time.” Minghao’s hand went to your doorknob.

”Just come see me whenever you’re free.” You said, walking towards him to lock it after he leaves.

You couldn’t see Minghao’s face under everything, but somehow, you could just picture that stupid smile across his face.

”I’m sorry I could just—“

”Nope, no apologies. I already cried, I don’t need our first meeting after three years to end off sad,” You said, putting your finger to your mouth. “Good luck on your meeting, and it was amazing seeing you again.”

Minghao nodded, he grabbed your hand and squeezed it.

“I’ll be back as soon as possible.”

Minghao left immediately after that, undoubtedly because he wanted to say more, but knew he couldn’t.

You watched his back all the way until he turned the corner at the end of the hallway.

Then, you were finally alone.

If I knew he would only be here for a short period of time, I wouldn’t have bothered to clean or dress up.

The energy escaped you like water down a drain as you slid down the door and stared at the lights.

From a singular text, everything snowballed into Xu Minghao of all people popping back into your life on the most random day on a random month at a random time.

It was funny how reality worked.

One would think meeting your best friend after three years of radio silence would call for some grand ceremony.

Not that you were complaining, nor were you disappointed.

You still got to see Minghao, in person and you’ll see him again - hopefully.

It’s like he popped into my life suddenly back then, then popped out and now he’s popped in again. He’s so strange. Then again, that is what makes him charming.

I should see if my eyes are puffy or not.

“Y/N, what’s on your mind? You look out of it.”

You snapped back into reality as Seungcheol slammed his hands onto the counter, looking right into your lost eyes.

”Huh? Oh,” You went a little red. “Sorry, a lot’s been on my mind lately.”

”Hm? Like what? I’m on my break now, so I’m all ears.” Seungcheol said, making a show to gesture towards his ears.

What, do I tell him that my best friend and ex-boyfriend is a superstar that came back into my life suddenly after three years apart? No way. How do I lie?

Sure, lying was a sin, but it was to protect Minghao.

”Do you know who Xu Minghao is?”

”Ah, yeah, I know him. I’ve heard his songs on the radio and on TV. Why?”

”I don’t know, I guess I recently got into his music, so I’ve been thinking about him a lot lately,” You said. Half of that is true at least.

Seungcheol hummed, “You like pretty guys, huh?”

”I guess,” You shrugged. “I don’t just like Minghao ‘cause of his looks, though.”

”Yeah, yeah. It’s just that when most people start to like idols, they go for the most attractive ones first. Maybe I’m wrong.”

”Definitely not wrong.”

The door suddenly swung open, ringing the bell attached to it which sent you and Seungcheol to straighten up and put on the customer faces immediately.

You were faster, of course, and had that fake smile and voice all ready to go.

A man walked in, a young man, definitely older but not by a lot. The thing which caught your eye immediately was how beautiful he was.

Tall, slender, his skin as pale as the white sweater he draped over his frame, and blond hair reaching his shoulders.

You were amazed, he looked like a manhwa character. So sharp and angular yet his face had small, delicate features which made him beautiful.

”Wow…” You said aloud.

Some of the other customers, both guys and girls were staring, too, whispering and blushing to themselves.

Your eyes peeked left where Seungcheol was, he was staring like everyone else, but a little differently.

He didn’t stare with admiration nor amazement, no, it was hatred.

Seungcheol’s brows were deeply furrowed, his eyes directly on the man. His shoulders were tense, so were his hands which balled up into tight fists.

The man didn’t see him for a bit as he browsed the selection up front, then they met eyes.

Like Seungcheol, he stared him dead in the eye as his moderate expression quickly morphed into hatred exactly like Seungcheol.

They stood there, perfectly parallel and the tension so thick it was suffocating.

What is this, an old-Western shoot off?

The man broke eye contact first as he walked towards you, which startled you a bit.

”Hi, can I just ask where the vinyls are?”

“Vinyls? Right this way, Sir.” You stepped out of your booth and began to guide him.

You glanced back at Seungcheol who keenly watched you take him away, the man himself didn’t seem to notice nor care.

”Your name is Y/N, right?”

That was sudden, it freaked you out until you realized - your name tag.

”Yes, it is.”

”What a pretty name.”

”Thank you.” You wondered why the vinyl section had to be so damn far.

The two of you arrived at the vinyl section, to which you bid him adieu. You were worried that he would try to beckon you over again, but he stayed in his own world, sorting through the semi-dusty shelves.

“Hey.” You greeted Seungcheol as you returned to your spot.

“Hey,” He said back, a lot calmer now. “Did everything go okay?”

Why is he asking even though it was just me walking someone to a section? You thought, but kept it to yourself. “It went smoothly.”

”That’s good.”

You wanted to question him, to know why he looked at that man in such a way and vice versa.

Could it have to do with Seungcheol’s first girlfriend? I want to ask so bad…

You wanted to ask and know more than anything, anything. But you knew your boundaries, and you weren’t stupid, nor were you insensitive.

We aren’t even friends yet.

”Anyway, are you free today?”

”Yeah, why?”

”Let’s go out for dinner, my treat. It’ll be like a company dinner except with just the two of us.”

”So, just a date?”

”…. Yeah.”

You smiled, then nodded, which got Seungcheol smiling as well.

”Where should we go?” You asked as a customer cane by.

You rang her up as Seungcheol stood there, arms crossed and humming as he thought.

”The café by the school is good for a date.” The man from before, the one who was staring down Seungcheol said out of nowhere.

Both of you were startled, Seungcheol especially. His shock quickly turned to anger, but he kept his cool.

”Thanks for the suggestion.”

The man only smiled as he placed his vinyls on the counter, Beethoven.

“I’ll just get this, thanks.”

“Yeah, that’ll be twenty-thousand won.”

“Here.” He paid with cash.

You took out a paper bag then put it in there, with a smile, you returned it to him with both hands.

”Have a nice day.”

”Thank you so much.”

He left without as much as another word, you honestly expected a hostile glance or something towards Seungcheol at the very least, but no.

Your eyes shifted to Seungcheol, he looked fine, no overt emotion.

Maybe I was just imagining everything.

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