#im gonna go watch stupid lets play videos and try not to cough my lungs out

[bakusdumptruck]

Bakusquad Crack Post

Sup bitches 🤩how’s your day been? hope its been good! Anywayyy i was listening to a “Rolling joints with Sero Hanta” playlist and this popped up in my mind sooo here’s a little Bakusquad scenario 😏

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Pairing: aged up Bakusquad x GN Y/n

Warnings: Use of marijuana, swearing, injuries

Summary: A smoke session with the babes turned into a chaotic mess 

Ights sluts lets get into it 😈

Sero Hanta is the stoner of the group. Period. 

He taught everyone how to roll up just incase he was too high to function and wanted to smoke more

One night he texted the gc asking if everyone wanted to have a smoke sesh before they had to study for exams 

You all agreed and went over to his dorm together

All except Bakugou.

He called all of you “idiots” and “dumbasses” for getting faded before studying, but all Sero had to say for him to come was

“Ight bakubro, if you can’t handle it you could’ve said that instead of making excuses 🤷🏻‍♂️”

Bakugou showed up within 5 minutes.

Once everyone was together, tape boy had everything set up

There were 4 joints lined up, hella snacks, drinks, video games, and movies

He even had the LED a n d Galaxy lights on

Lordy it was gonna be a long ass night

NOW ON TO THE FIRST ROTATION 🤩

You know how I said Sero is the stoner? yup uhuh he got the MF GAS.

The rotation was Bakugou, Kiri, You, Mina, Denki, then Sero

You all have a high tolerance so after you saw Bakugou coughing up a fucking lung, yall knew you were in trouble

Everyone coughed... except Sero. He just busted a lung laughing💀

So the joint is finished and you’re all feeling fuzzy

yes you’re high, BUT its not enough to get you guys staring at the wall thinking about space and aliens

Just high enough where time is slowed down and your body feels light

Denki randomly shouted to play video games and everyone agreed

Guess what you’re playing 👀

Ju-on. The fucking grudge game. 

Why did Denki choose this game? oh he just wanted to see if it’d be a scarier experience if you’re all faded

It was 😃

Kiri volunteered to play the first stage to show off his Manliness 😤

So there he goes walking into the abandoned building 

yall know how you can use another wii remote to trigger jumpscares? 

yeahhhh Kiri didn’t know about it... and Bakugou was in charge of that

Everyone was chillin, lowkey feeling at edge to prepare themselves for anything about to pop up

Here comes the scene where he opens the door and scary bitch is on the other side waiting to grab him 

K: “Uhhhh this doesn’t feel right... am I supposed to go this way?

B: “No shit dumbass, its telling you go that way isn’t it? What are you scared or something 😏 I thought you were too manly for this game”

K: “I-I’m not scared... just making s-sure.”

M: “Hehe you’re stuttering kiri”

K: “...I’m just cold”

Right before he grabbed the door handle (I kinda forgot how the game went oops 😅) bakubitch tiggered a jumpscare

K: “Okay here I g- what the fuck 😃”

It didn’t work.

K: “Oh that wasn’t too bad! The games gonna have to try harder if it wants to scare m- JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHAT THE HELL IS THAT”

Scary bitch popped up outta no where and grabbed him

S: “DUDE FUCKING RUN AWAY”

Y/N: “KIRI THE BITCH IS RIGHT THERE WHY AREN’T YOU DOING ANYTHING”

K: “FUCK- CAN’T YOU SEE IM TRYING”

B: “BITCH SHAKE THE CONTROLLER. YOU HAVE TO SHAKE THE CONTROLLER”

K: “AHSJHS WHY ISN’T SHE LETTING GO”

D: “I-IT”S TELLING YOU HOW TO SHAKE IT. GO LEFT, NO NOW RI-”

Kiri accidentally punched Denki in the face 🙃

All: “...whAT THE FUCK AHAHAHSHAH”

yeahhh so thats how the game ended 😭

Denki was laying on the floor staring at the ceiling wondering what the hell just happened and why everyone was laughing at him

D: *in his head* “I just got punched square in the face 😃 and they’re laughing at me 😃 This is fine. 😃”

K: “B-bro are you okay 😭 iM sorry AHAsh its- its just everyone was screaming and AhahhAHAHA IM SORRY 😭”

Sero let him start the second rotation as an apology for laughing instead of checking up on him 

Honestly yall don’t know if you can go on to the third

Everyone was hella faded at this point

Eyes red, dry mouths, and hungry stomachs

Mina ordered TacoBell knowing everyone was gonna want to eat more than the snacks and you all sat on the floor munching away

You all started talking about stupid stuff:

S: “So like... what happens when we get scared half to death twice”

M: “👁👄👁”

B: “👁👄👁”

D: “👁👄👁”

Y: “👁👄👁”

K: “👁👄👁”

D: “I’ve been scared half to death multiple times... im fucking immortal.”

After a few more high conversations Mina suggests to make tiktoks 

Have yall seen the tiktok where Mina and Y/n do the trend where they wink at the camera and all the boys are watching and Baku comes up to kiss Y/n? 

yup you do that BUT

When Bakugou grabbed your cheeks and went in for the kiss he missed and fell flat on his face 💀

*Cue everyone falling on their asses crying*

Best believe the tiktok went viral 🤩

After the third joint yall decided that the room was too suffocating and went out for a walk 

It didn’t seem like a bad idea... until you all got outside

Denki and Sero were singing “Milkshake” at the top of their lungs while wall twerking on the trees

Kiri and Bakugo were racing to see who’s the fastest but kept tripping over their own feet

You and Mina were recording everything those dumbasses were doing.

All of a sudden yall found yourselves in a clear area a bit far from the dorms

Bakugou laid in the grass staring up at the stars and you all joined getting into a little cuddle pile

At this point the effects of the joints hit at once and everyone was out of their heads

They felt like their spirits were floating out of their bodies

*BOOM*

M: “...did you guys hear that”

All: “yes”

M: “should we go check it out?”

B: “Hell yeah. What if it’s a villain? I bet I can beat their ass in less than a second”

Y: “First, thats literally impossible. Second, We can barely fucking move. How do you expect us to fight a villain 🙂”

A Nomu popped up in front of you

D: “Uhhh aye Bakubro... you think you can beat his ass in less than a second?”

B: “FUCK YEAH WATCH THIS YOU FUCKING EXTRAS.”

...

HE FUCKING MISSED Nomu: “ERRHSJAKFjhuSGHD”

Y/n: *shoots up on their feet then falls over immediately* “DAMNIT I CAN’T STAND UP STRAIGHT WHAT DO WE DO”

Everyone started to use their quirks

Sero shot tape to the nomu

Denki sent 1 millions volts

Mina just kept shooting acid out

Kiri hardened up and threw punches like his life depend on it

Bakugou was screaming “die” and kept exploding shit

and You were also using your quirk to the best of your ability

K: *heavy breathing* “guys... i think we got it”

B: “Ofc we did... we literally went bat shit crazy on it”

When the smoke cleared it was still standing in front of you guys... unharmed...

AND IT MULTIPLIED

K: “😶RUN AWAY”

you all started running back to the dorms

well, tried running back to the dorms

Everyone was bumping into each other and tripping

S: “WE’RE GONNA DIE”

Y/n: “WE’RE NOT GONNA DIE JUST KEEP RUNNING... FUCK THEY’RE GETTING CLOSER

Denki ended up facetiming Aizawa in hopes that he would help

A: “Denki, its 4am what do you w-”

D: “SENSEIIII NOMUS ARE CHASING US. SEND HELP.

A: “Why are you guys out of the dorms? aND WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME USE YOUR QUIRKS. YOU HAVE YOUR HEROS LICENSE FOR A REASoN”

D: “WE TRIED. WE MISSED AND IT MULTIPLIED. WE’RE ALSO HIGH AS FUCK BUT WE’RE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT THAT”

A: “... did you say you were high?”

D: “IRRELEVANT. SENSEI WE’RE GONNA DI-”

The nomu caught him.

A: “Denki... Kaminari... hello?... *sigh* you guys are gonna be the death of me.”

You all ended up getting knocked out by the nomus and taken to the League of Villains hideout 

B: “...Never thought i’d be here again”

S: “ I still have the last joint in my pocket... ya’ll wanna smoke?”

Dabi and Shiggy stared at him like he was crazy but agreed anyway 🤪who’s gonna pass up a free joint? not them. 

So everyone got high again and chilled until the Pro Hero’s saved your asses :)

Oh and also don’t think Aizawa let you guys off the hook. 

You all got house arrest and extra BRUTAL lessons for the next 2 months 

The End :)

Yeahhh idk what this was but I hope you all enjoyed it!! I really wanted to write something angsty but as I was writing I couldn’t take myself seriously and ended up making jokes 😭

#BNHA Headcanons #bnha x y/n #bhna x reader #mha headcanons #mha x reader #mha x y/n #mha #bnha x reader #bakugou x reader #kirishima x reader #denki x reader #sero x reader #mina x reader #bnha x gender neutral reader #bnha #bakusqaud #bakusquad x reader #bnha imagines #mha imagines

[byzantyne]

say something, i'm giving up on you

aka 10% smut sandwiched between 90% angst (im sorry)

-

They don't start off on the right foot.

"Hey, Bakasugi, when is your serial killer stalker gonna stop following us around?"

"Watch it, buddy, I'll cut your balls off before you can squeal, Shinsuke-sama, save me --"

" -- You bitch, I would never say something as pathetic as that -- "

" -- Gintoki, she's my fiancee."

"Oh. ...Oh, is that how it is."

"Yes, that's how it is."

-

Takasugi isn't an altogether unappealing guy. His looks aren't unlike those of a Sour Patch Kid -- at first, his face is rather sour, even annoying, but the more you look at it, depending on certain angles, it can be sweet. The slope of his nose is perfectly chiseled, for instance. And his eyes are gorgeously dark, like a black hole, like someone had dipped a corner of rice paper in a vat of ink and let it bleed. His hands are lithe and attractive when playing the piano.

And then, you don't have to look at him at certain angles to find him attractive anymore.

-

It's a calm day, so they spend it together splitting Mickey D's at the food court. ("You two argue so much," Zura says, shaking his head. "I never understand why you end up spending so much time together." For a guy who prides order above all else, it must be a pressing concern. But Gin and Takasugi thrive off the vulnerability of chaos. Feed off of it, even.) Gin licks a stripe of ketchup off his fingers. Takasugi smokes a cigarette languidly, and Gin finds himself watching the way Shinsuke's mouth makes O's around circles of smoke.

"Pretty sure we're sitting in the smoke-free zone of the mall, dipshit," he informs his friend, equanimous, couldn't care less.

Takasugi slants his eyes towards Gin. "Are you done eating my fries, freeloader?"

"Hey, it ain't my fault the video store pays a shit salary. And we're splitting, you ass."

He eyes the two boxes of fries, one empty, the other Gin currently had his greasy fingers around, on Gin's tray, and neither on his. "If 'splitting' in your dictionary means 'being a greedy bitch.'" He makes a grab for the box in Gin's hand. "Give me one, you bastard."

"Hey!" Gin whisks it away, arm high in air, sending half of the fries flying. "Sneaky fucker. Hey," he says again, leaning in, grinning. "I'll make you a deal. A fry for a smoke."

"That easy, Sakata?" He reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a cigarette, dangling it between his thin fingers. "Here."

"No, I'm not that easy, stupid." (Takasugi isn't liking the grin on his face.) "A fry if you shotgun it to me."

"Pfft." Smoke billows out from between his teeth. "Just one fry? I'm not a cheap whore, Gintoki."

"You look pretty cheap to me, asshole."

Takasugi sends another long drag through his lungs and Gin is thinking of giving up, joke or not, when the boy murmurs, "I shotgun it, and I get what's left. Whatever's not on the floor, that is."

"Wha --", when Takasugi leans across the table, pulls Gin's chin forward, and tugs Gin's lower lip open with his thumb. The delivery is quick -- Takasugi funnels his lips in a small "o," blows a steady stream of smoke into Gin's mouth, and then leans back again, crossing his arms. Gin breathes in and tastes hot ash on every square inch of his lungs, still stunned.

They hadn't broken eye contact the entire time.

There's a clearing of a throat (Takasugi), and an awkward cough of recycled smoke (Gin), before Takasugi reaches forward and grabs the box from Gin's now-lax hand. "Five left," he says, peering in and jiggling the remaining fries around. "What a waste, spending money on you, I swear to God."

He's trying to act so cool, but Gin recognizes the slight crawl of blushing pink on Takasugi's downturned cheeks.

-

"Gintoki." "Gintoki."

Someone is shaking him gently awake.

Without opening his eyes, he rolls onto his other side and mumbles, "Five more minutes, Zura."

The boy in question frowns, crosses his arms. "It's not Zura, it's Katsura. And It's 4PM, Gintoki. Your laziness is starting to astound me. Maybe we should take you to a doctor? There's a possibility it's a disease."

"You're a disease," comes muffled from under the covers, and frowning, Zura yanks them violently off. Gin gives one undignified yelp before Zura gasps himself.

"Gintoki...your eyes..."

Gin is only 90% certain that Zura is pointing in horror at the bags under his eyes. The other 10% is reserved for the assertion that Zura is hallucinating a strange, mutated alien crawling out of Gin's eye sockets right now.

"I couldn't get a wink of sleep last night, alright," he says, pulling the blankets back over his head. "Leave me alone, okay."

-

Gin can't pay attention during class.

(It's Takasugi's fault, that sonuvabitch, all that damn bastard's fault -- )

"Sakata-kun!" He jumps in his chair at the sound of his name. "Start reading from where Okita-kun left off."

He looks down at his Soseki text, a spaghetti dish of jumbled tongues. "Sensei, Okita-kun's haughty tone was pissing me off. I couldn't possibly pay attention to what he was actually reading."

The class erupts in a rumble of laughter -- not at Okita, no, at Gin, who is notorious for slacking off and coming up with the lamest excuses. He rolls his eyes and stares out the window. The teacher snaps something like, "Next time, pay more attention, Sakata-kun!" and assigns him an extra essay which he certainly won't write.

After school, Gin drives Takasugi home on his scooter. They both live a fair distance away from school, and the scooter is an old dinosaur, coughing up smoke and sputtering at the worst instances, and which Gintoki always has to kick once or twice in order to start up. Still, no matter how much he complains, Takasugi always hitches a ride with Gin anyway, and wraps his pale, thin arms around the small of Gin's waist.

This afternoon, it just happens to be very distracting.

They stop at a convenience store because Gin complains of hunger and Takasugi wants a pack of smokes. Languidly, Gin leans against a shelf of potato chips and watches Takasugi furrow his eyebrows at the selection of cigarette brands.

"Piece of shit konbini sells pieces of shit, what a surprise," the boy mutters from under his breath. Gin raises an eyebrow.

"What does it matter?" Gin says around a mouthful of strawberry-flavored KitKat. "They all taste the same anyway."

"You stupid fuck, they do not all taste the same. You would know if you actually -- "

Then stops, and closes his mouth abruptly.

Gintoki swallows. "Hey," he says, "take it easy."

Takasugi throws him a glare. "I pity the easy-going fool."

Gin murmurs, "You are so fucking difficult, sometimes, I swear to God."

"What about you, huh?" Takasugi rounds on him, pulling Gin's shirt collar. "Sometimes you disgust me, Gintoki. With your laziness and unambitiousness and the way you don't understand things -- "

"Understand what, huh?" Now it's Gin tugging on Takasugi's collar with his fist. "Understand what, huh?"

He expects Takasugi to shoot something back, like simple arithmetic, or how to work an AC, but instead, Takasugi falls silent, with a vaguely horrified look in his eyes. The sales clerk stumbles towards them, waving his arms. "Hey!" he shouts, essaying authoritatively while looking terrified, "if you're gonna fight, do it outside!"

Gin sighs and slings his arm around Takasugi, dragging him along. "C'mon, idiot," he grumbles, and is surprised when Takasugi doesn't struggle. When they get outside, Gin pushes him against a wall, barring escape with his arms.

"Get off me -- "

"No fucking way," Gin says between his teeth. "Not until you tell me what you meant when you said I don't understand."

Takasugi is breathing hard. Gin finds his fingers inevitably tangled in Takasugi's hair, and, for the first time, is enjoying his advantage in height over Takasugi in an entirely new way.

There's a brief exchange of shared breaths, until Takasugi blurts out, "I have a fiancee."

"Is that what this is about," Gin says, leaning back. His muscles relax, his face scrunches. "You fucking tease. What was yesterday, then?"

"I don't fucking know." Takasugi presses the heel of his hand against his eye. "A lapse in judgment, probably. Most likely."

Gin gently pries his hand away from his face. "Well, you can't argue this ain't mutual." He takes a step closer. Takasugi's eyes widen.

"What are you doing."

Gin strokes the shell of Takasugi's ear, traces skin all the way down to his bobbing Adam's apple, until the boy starts to shiver at his touch. At certain angles, Takasugi Shinsuke is a fascinating study in vulnerability and defensiveness, all at once. At any angle, Gin feels a compulsion to press his fingerprints into his ribs, leave his marks and presence there like a tracking hound.

"Just this once," he murmurs, "please."

Underneath him, Takasugi eases. "...Just this once."

-

This is not a romance, or else it wouldn't have started with awkward handjobs in the sketchy back washrooms of gas stations. The first time Gintoki is sucking Takasugi's neck like a vacuum, hand wrapped around cock.

Takasugi pushes him away. "You're going too fast," he grumbles. "What are you trying to do, start a chainsaw?"

"Shut up," Gin growls, "it'd be easier to get a chainsaw hard, you fucking limpdick," which is how they end up with more bruises that night than erections.

(But later, when Gin is applying ointment to the blossoming blue patch on Takasugi's forehead, his hands are still gentle.)

-

Just this once, they said.

Yeah, okay.

-

Matako and her threats of castration, unfortunately, are becoming a constant presence in Gin's life.

"So," Gin says, leaning against the railing circling the roof, "explain to me the circumstances of your engagement again."

Takasugi rolls his eyes. "There's not much to explain, Gintoki. I've already told you numerous times, if only you'd listen -- it's an arranged marriage. When I turn twenty-two, I'll marry her."

"Yeah, but." Gin scratches the back of her head. "Did she hold your father at gunpoint? Did he get brainwashed by one of those weird aliens Sakamoto keeps talking about? I don't get it. We're only like, eighteen. Aren't arranged marriages out of style these days, anyway?"

"Don't be such an empty-headed priss," he snaps. "It's not about out of style or not. It's just the way things are done."

Gin blinks rapidly. "Takasugi..."

He stubs his cigarette out on the railing. "We're done talking about this," he says, and then walks away.

-

It happens, of course, when they're watching some pay-per-view on the television and Gin keeps complaining about how drafty it is in Takasugi's room, which is how Gin ends up with a blanket wrapped up around his entire body like a burrito.

"Do you think we spend too much time together?" Takasugi suddenly says, right when some Spartan warrior is jump-striking some Persian with a spear.

"Hm?" Gin scratches his cheek absently. "Have you been talking to Zura again? I told him, it's just friendly banter."

They watch an impressive decapitation, CGI blood spraying fantastically across the scene. "No, Kijima said so."

He scoffs. "Since when are you and that bitch on first name basis?"

Takasugi glares at him. "Don't call her that."

"Okay, jesus." Gin sighs, leaning back against the couch. "You shouldn't let her boss you around, anyway. What's it been, a month since you met?"

"She doesn't." Takasugi chews on his lower lip. "I was the one who brought it up, Gin."

"Oh." He lets the blanket fall from around his shoulders. "Um."

Takasugi watches the fleece descend to his arms, but does nothing to move it back. "And of course, you're simple-minded enough to think this arrangement will somehow work out."

"What do you mean?" Gin sighs, scratching the back of his head. "It's not like we're -- " god forbid " -- dating."

Takasugi gives him a wilting look. "You understand nothing, do you."

"Again with this understanding and not understanding thing. What, is it actually code for, I wanna jump your bones, Gintoki? Jeez, you can really be a pain in the ass sometimes." He scrunches his nose when he remembers what they did just last Saturday. "Literally."

"Stop that," he groans. Gin thinks he's talking about the bad jokes, but then Takasugi murmurs, "I can't be the only one who has thought about touching again," and Gin tackles him so hard it knocks them both to the ground. (Somewhere in the background, a Spartan falls.)

"Shinsuke," he says, voice feral, "I've been waiting for you to say please."

-

This is not a romance. This is not how Meg Ryan and Patrick Swayze fall in love. This is backs thrown against walls, zipper teeth chafing, real teeth drawing blood when every impatient kiss is more like a punch to the face. Takasugi already has his hands under the waistband of Gin's boxers, and Gintoki already has his bottom lip sucked between his teeth, like this: "f-f-f-f-f -- " trying hard not to plead the word fighting its way past his lips.

"You're already hard," Takasugi murmurs, bending at the knees and pulling Gin's cock out from his Superman drawers. His breath is moist against skin, and Gin's fingers dig into the wall behind him.

"Fuck you," he manages to spit out, instead of "fuck me," and Takasugi irritatingly catches on.

"I fully intend for you to," he says, before closing his mouth around the head, and unraveling the growls from the base of Gin's throat.

-

something something haha

-

"My father expects impossible things from me..." he murmurs.

If this were a Nicholas Sparks novel, Gin would:

a) tell him, "you look beautiful when you cry."

b) kiss his tears away.

c) hold him tight, hold him close, until the sunlight died and a moon was reborn.

But it isn't. But this is Gin, wanting at once to push him away and pull him close, so he struggles: "Do you want to talk to Zura? I -- I can go find him for you..."

Takasugi glances at him with such undisguised misery that Gin wants to throw up. Tell me what a dick I am. Do it. Throw a fit and sock me in the face.

But Takasugi just says, "Sure."

Gin nods.

He turns the corner.

He doesn't want to think about how it is raining today.

-

This is not a romance, because Takasugi is not waking up in Gintoki's bed in the mornings, and Gin is not bringing him breakfast in bed. Gin is watching his pale, thin legs walk away for the nth time in the shine of the moonlight, and he wants to grab them, halt their motion.

He wants to say, Come back to bed, baby, like some smooth motherfucker, like a lovestruck mooner.

But he is cursed, like Cassandra, except instead of unfailingly predicting the future, the things he sees in his head will resolutely not come true.

-

This is not a romance, but --

he turns back round the corner, sprinting, tripping over his shoelaces, and does the following things in the following order:

a) tells Takasugi, "You look beautiful when you cry."

b) kisses his tears away.

c) and holds him tight, holds him close, like he's afraid the boy might disintegrate in his arms right them and there.

Takasugi chokes out, breathlessly, "Gintoki, you know we can't be together."

He laughs. "Listen to yourself. I bet you never thought you'd say something so stupidly heart-breaking, like some dumb chick flick." His fingers curl, around shirt, around hair, around -- Shinsuke. "I'm not stupid. I know things won't work out. But I can't erase these feelings. I don't want to stop myself from doing the things I want to do. I want to say the things I want to say to you, because I want you to hear them."

"Gintoki," Takasugi is cursing, "you stupid fuck, you stupid, stupid, stupid bastard," cursing his name until his lips run dry and his throat has no more words.

Gin lets his grip slacken slightly.

I know.