#but it feels even worse these days

[raksh-writes]

Maybe this doesn’t need to be said, but Im feeling awful about it, so -- to any mutuals that might notice Im not following them anymore, I'm sorry about that. I've just seen too many posts on my dash that I have no way of blocking because they're not tagged in any way and they're distressing enough it's turning one of the only places I considered a safe space not safe for me anymore. So for my own mental health, I had to unfollow. I Will refollow in the future and I still love y'all, but I just-- I can’t. Ive been noticing some very worrying stuff about my mental and emotional state and it's just too much currently. I hope it's at least an understandable decision, and I wish y'all are having a good day out there 💗

#personal #I know its important to keep up with current events #but life overall's been a bit too much for me lately #I should prob go back to my therapist #I haven’t seen her since I went back to uni #for one because I didn’t know my schedule when we last meet and we both thought this should balance me #finally having purpose again and doing what I actually enjoy #but I also don’t have a job now so its costs and... I don’t know #but I probably should now that Im thinking maybe its time to actually get medicated for real #tho first maybe I should just visit my family doc and ask for those vit d supplements my therapists talked about #see if thats gonna be enough #autumn (and winter) has always been an awful time for me in terms of mental and emotional health #but it feels even worse these days #like Im battling against depression every day recently and rarely anything works to distract me #which is why its been hard to get back to peels in dms and such too #I was meant to meet with a friend now that Im studying in a city she lives in but I have yet to get back to her #and it feels like I have not only Zero but like Negative energy and motivation #+ Ive been dealing with an upset stomach for Weeks now #no matter what I eat it feels weird and achy and barely anything tastes good for me already so now its even worse #anyway this turned into such a rant Im sorry #I just didn’t want the lovely peeps Ive been mutuals with for a long time to think I stopped liking them or smth #its just certain untagged posts that I would otherwise block if I could #and I dont wanna impose onto anyone like a 'rule' to tag them or whatever #so yeah this is just temporary #hopefully at some point I get better enough to survive the couple distressing posts heh...

[ohitslen]

Intrusive thoughts

#nothing like thinking about how it’d be to murder your homie. we all do that aaaall the time right #a passion of mine is writing dialogue in a way that you could interchange who says it and it’d still make sense when it comes to Vashwood #they both get insane intrusive thoughts and that’s a matter of fact #they are turbo traumatized so it’s even worse at times. this is what I would say one of the tamest instances if that means anything #Vash would feel so guilty abt them too. bc they don’t feel like his thoughts. it’s almost as if it was someone else’s #they have pointed their guns at each other but never shoot. the thoughts have lost another day <3 #Vashwood is: having thoughts and rarely do anything abt them (positive and negative) #everybody who has intrusive thoughts say hell yeah. HELL YEAH!!! #gentle reminder that intrusive thoughts are just that and don’t define you as a person. they are. I’m fact. intrusive #intrusive thoughts #cw intrusive thoughts #tw intrusive thoughts #for those who may need to filter those out #trigun #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun stampede #vashwood #trigun fanart #vash #wolfwood #nicholas trigun #lenssi draws #lenssi writes #because I wrote the lines first and THEN I did the drawings #still fixated on Vash’s eyes btw if you didn’t notice

[greatestjubilee]

bleh

#hi all. lucy here #i have barely been drawing lately because ive just been unable to #like i feel like i lost my spark. i dunno #i used to draw so much and make so many comics when i was absolute rock bottom mentally #like the funnier i was the worse i was doing #ive been better lately but i truly feel like ive almost sacrificed my ability to draw or create stuff for some more mental stability #i just....i dont know. i feel like i can't do anything i used to do with art. like im not funny or have no ideas or just think stuff like #oh ill just draw this because people will wanna see it #but i gave that up because not even i wanna see it anymore #i hope that i can feel like drawing again one day i just dont know how to get it back. it really feels like ive lost a major part of myself #this is my rambling here just to let you know i am still around just kind of laying low because im drained

[mourninglamby]

i get really panicked every time i see video essays in my recommendations about dsmp ... you dont get it youll never get it unless u were truly IN it and even if u were at the frontlines after lore streams (if they even acknowledge the story), i dont know u like that so idk if u know what ur actually talking about. like i dont wanna hear it lalalala dsmp exists in my head I MADE IT UP

#gibberish ass post #sorryyyy #i wish i. could find the words to describe #how seeing pics of those videos thumbnails even makes me feel #so fearful that someone would never understand wut happened #or WORSE sympathize with the fucking weirdos #idk. idk! im very frightened these days

[thronealigned]

no it's fine this mind flayer is totally my friend and 100% honest with me all the time it's ok it likes me everything's so normal

#bg3 spoilers #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 #i love how raphael directly calls you out on this. 'if id have known you were so gullible i wouldve tricked you into selling your soul for #a bowl of beans when we first met' #and then just keeps insulting you more if you keep insisting emp's really your ally #oc: impulse #sure this'll go in their tag #everything about impulse's Thing with the emperor is so funny to me. and then deeply fucked up if you think about it long enough. and then #really funny again if you think about it even longer #one day i'll do their 2.0 playthrough so i can fully form all my thoughts. and get better screenshots and the ceremorphosis ending #i mean there's nothing stopping me from loading an impulse 1.0 save and going ceremorphosis from there but idk it'd feel wrong #impulse has more tadpoles in their brain than synapses by act 3 and it does really fundamentally change them as a person #tfw your chaotic neutral act-first-ask-questions-never no-impulse-control 17 CHA bestie becomes one of the most detached calculating people #you've ever met. all their old casual wit and humor is still there but they think before they speak now and that really shouldnt feel as #sinister as it does. they have this look in their eye and it feels like they view everyone around them as lesser beings #not because they view other people as subhuman or worse than they are but because they view themself as something *more* #if they have any raw unfiltered emotion left you haven't seen it in weeks. there's one person(?) who gets Unrestrained Feelings privileges #and it's the fucking illithid that lives in their mind and not any of their actual non-monster normal-ish-person friends. that human #connection is fading so fast now. when did they change so much? it happened so slowly in the moment but suddenly now they seem like they #were never the person you became friends with at all #and like impulse is a pretty selfish person from the start but they *did* genuinely like and care about the rest of the party. they were #friends. and by the end of act 3 that friendship should be the deepest and most meaningful it's ever been. but. it just isn't. #so on and so forth etc etc like that. All That Bullshit makes their relationship with lae'zel so interesting (and upsetting) too #they encourage her to side against vlaakith and then they never even try to free orpheus for her and her people's sake. they never even #think about it. they never consider it as an option. they just don't care. and then they EAT HIS BRAIN. #very possibly RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. #and she's just left adrift. a rebel with no rebellion to lead and very little hope #i'm unwell. #ok i'm done this is a silly meme post. but god i have so many thoughts i have barely been keeping contained

[kirby-the-gorb]

#kirby #cursed image #daily kirby #my art #digital #hal laboratory #nintendo #less than 50 days now until my immunology appointment #and miraculously my health is still managing to get even worse! #I'm genuinely kind of impressed. #and like. there is absolutely zero guarantee that the immunologist will even like. do their job. so. #feeling very *see above* #so like uh. I'm not religious but if you're the praying type it probably wouldn't hurt to throw me in occasionally if you've got room. #it's gonna be brutal if this one can't/won't treat me either. #favorites

[oneluckydragon]

We'd both been so excited for it-- to change, to grow stronger, to pass another life-changing milestone on our adventure together. But after I evolved, it took weeks before Sora could even bring herself to look me in the eyes. It went unsaid between us, poisoning our hearts like a cold, bitter curse and haunting every intake of breath. Although, the worst of it all... was that even without words, we both knew why it hurt so much.

Like some sick joke, I had become the spitting image of him.

Ya'll know that feeling when you [Hero] try to evolve into a Leafeon to be closer in spirit to the best friend you lost [Grovyle] because you miss him so much it physically aches, but instead you end up looking like the guy you trusted/adored that betrayed/tried to kill you and your girlfriend? Cause damn it hurts.

Anyways ever since I replayed EOS and evolved at Luminous Spring I've had thoughts about what Sora's reaction would be to Echo's evolution into Umbreon. And lemme tell you that it's an emotional roller coaster. To say that Sora has complicated feelings about Dusknoir is an understatement, and Echo isn't so happy about it either since she had put her faith in him. They've got a lot of trauma to heal.

But to add to that, I like to write about my girls in my spare time when I'm not drawing cause it's fun, so maybe I'll post some little blurbs sometime if anyone is interested?? Hm. Yeah might do that eventually, we'll have to see.

#i have LOTS of feelings about Team Wish's relationship with Dusknoir and the aftermath of the main story and i need to EXPRESS it #yes... some of Echo's markings match the pathetic man which makes it EVEN WORSE for them both to deal with #for the first few days Sora visibly recoils every time she glances at Echo-- which hurts them both equally even though it's an accident #and when grovyle/celebi/dusknoir return from the future post-game i'm sure you can imagine the shit that goes down #i like to think that they reconcile but dusknoir needs to know that he effed up big time and needs to do some serious apologizing #it's obvious which pic i was the most invested in but i'm not ashamed i like drawing glowy/sparkly stuff #this was also supposed to just be a quick doodle but i went a tiny bit farther than that... i added some color wow #pmd #pmd2 #pmd eos #echo/umbreon #sora/lucario #dusknoir #my art

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

gonna sob @ this from Batman #430, published immediately after Jason's murder 😭

#bruce wayne #batblogging #pretty much all downhill after this though #i don't like when writers feel the need to make the night bruce's parents died Even Worse #'what if thomas and martha took bruce to see a movie because thomas slapped him earlier that day' #what if you shut the fuck up

[broflovski-brah]

it’s kinda funny how almost every character with albinism in media is always portrayed as a villain. as if that isn’t feeding into every stereotype out there.

the only protagonist i’ve found with albinism in media was in a book where the girl turns out to be a witch. which is arguably on the level of bad as the evil albino stereotype.

idk why this bothers me so much. nobody knows about albinism and it’s not like it’s actively discriminated against. but i wish there was more media where more normal people had albinism instead of the PWA turning out to be an evil villain or a witch, they turn out to be a normal person with normal struggles. like give me a story about a character with albinism trying to navigate the world on their own terms, trying to fit in and such WITHOUT using stereotypes.

like yes. i know people being ignorant towards a certain condition isn’t the worst thing in the world. maybe i have no right to complain about it given the other tings that are happening in the world that kinda trump issues like this. but it’s still an issue. the fact that people believe these things is just sad to me tbh.

another thing that bugs me is when people refer to us as ‘albinos’. like not everyone hates that word. some PWAs are okay with it. i just say it because it’s shorter and easier to type out than ‘person with albinism’ but even in media seeing the character being referred to as ‘the albino’ makes my stomach turn. people use the word ‘albino’ to refer to animals; most of the time. the word itself can feel dehumanizing sometimes, in certain contexts. for me it’s better to say person with albinism. it’s putting the person before the disability and it doesn’t feel as degrading.

anyway. my inbox is always open if you have questions for me about how to write a character with albinism. i know nobody is gonna see this or care but i just thought i’d say smth.

#skipper speaks #albinism #slbino #albinism awareness #writing help #this is really important to me #any reblogs would help tramensously #visual impairment #visual disability #disability #ableism #stereotypes #i know in this day and age u can’t even be complaining about people saying hurtful things about people like me in media #and spreading said stereotypes given that there are actual groups dealing with a lot worse #and i feel bad complaining about it #but it needs to be said #i guess #idk

[cartchytuns]

he’s short he’s fat he’s completely hairless all over his body he’s jewish he’s chronically depressed. and he’s pushing 45. i didn’t say his name but he popped into your head didn’t he?

#captain underpants #when i’m having a bad day i like imagining that mr krupp is having an even worse day and it makes me feel better #i don’t hate him at all i just think it’s funny when he suffers

[danwhobrowses]

For anyone else who is gonna struggle surviving the next 3 weeks with the angsty and tense situation of Callowmoore here's a few things from the last 2 episodes that I feel were underrated and will assist in trying to keep me sane/emotionally stable: - Matching messed up hands built for holding - Fearne nervously playing with her hair as she approaches Ashton - Ashton wanted Fearne to be either the last thing they saw if they died or the first thing they saw when they succeeded - Fearne's admittance corroborates Ashley's 4SD revelation that Fearne is in love with someone in the party but doesn't know how to process the emotions - Fearne wanted Ashton to be happy, while Ashton wanted to feel whole so they would be worthy of the Hells - Ashton twice tried to lead a search for Fearne, and instantly clocking onto Chetney saying he followed Fearne - Fearne making herself look as radiant as possible before giving Ashton the cold shoulder - Ashton only rose to Chetney's provocations until he said 'You hurt Fearne' Use how you will

#godspeed my poor damaged psyche #critical role #bells hells #callowmoore #ashton greymoore #fearne calloway #fearne x ashton #ashton x fearne #strangely enough I don't enjoy having a dark and sad pit sitting in my chest day to day #3 weeks and we don't even get a cute M9 reunion in between to distract us? this was worse than Callowmoore's sistergate 3 week wait #also 'a little'? Sweetie people don't jump into lava for a little you got the big L and it's not Lesbian(s) #Feel like Laudna was a bit cruel this ep (Ash has been there for her a ton and she kinda villainized him) but we'll put it down to Delilah #much of Ashton's trauma has been overlooked or left to them to internalize but still nobody has told them that they are loved #and Ashton Greymoore needs to be told they're loved! (by Fearne) #but yeah time for more positive mental scenarios that 99% won't happen (but when that 1% does ho boy) #couldn't have just had Fearne go 'no talking' and sleep on Ash's chest to hear their heartbeat as her touch soothes Ash's pain could we? #or final fight scenarios where Ludinus is a walking harness and Ashton tricks them into absorbing their titan powers so he'd explode #they could've even had a talk in the woods because they wanted to find her so bad but was not gonna test Imogen's patience #I for one though will have at least one where Ashton seeks out Mori for advice (Fearne too but separately) #Tal I need you to use all your romantic arsenal in the feywild (Percy's worst travel experience) to win back Ashley's beautiful faun girl #bonus prompts for 'You will always be perfect to me' and 'Promise you'll come back to me' they pop up often in my scenarios #taliesin jaffe #ashley johnson

[pinkgibbon]

family business

after the events of yakuza 0 they become business partners and run the best massage/real estate company the world has ever seen

#yakuza #yakuza 0 #makoto makimura #tetsu tachibana #ryu ga gotoku #i painted ovr a drawing i had started in 2021 and its so much better now. its not even recognizable as the same artist tbh #which is reassuring bc i actually feel like my art has gotten worse since my rgg days and this shows that progress is not linear :) #nyways i thought the rendering looked a little leyendecker-y so i scribbled in a white background to match #i tried to make them look related but idk if i got it across. luckily the bar sega has set in that department is not hard to reach #rgg #etc etc #yakuza 0 spoilers #i guess #my art #fanart #oops hi i saw that pisssinger died and forgot to click post

[agardenofideas]

i hope sunny gets a villain arc if tubbo wont get one fully

like i need her to lash out at every single adult around her for not carring for her pa or her (looking at phil who offered to care for pomme and dapper when he wouldnt for sunny on tubbos Confirmed death), for no one taking her pa seriously, for taking things from them, from her pa until there was nothing left of him.

i need her to lash out at the adults for never seeing her pa hurting and thinking it wasnt serious, i need her to lash out in peoples faces how she had said they were worried for her pa and the adults just said hes like that or he'll get better and he didn't

i want her to lash out and reveal that tubbo said to her he felt more seen and cared about by a fed worker who was learning to have emotions than from any islander around

i want her to burn things, even if not a house and just a wood she placed down to set fire, i want her to do that, i want her to blow things up and lash out and be heard

cuz if being a good girl for her pa ends with them unheard and him dead then she will be heard now and once this thing called Creation gets her pa back to her, she is not letting him go

if any of the adults who didnt do anything to get him back cared for him in life and cared just a bit in death, they dont deserve to see her pa back again, he is sunny's and sunny's alone

i want sunny to spew vitrol and fire and to lash out at everyone, she deserves to go on a murderous rampage too as a treat

#qsmp sunny #tubbo #mostly as a mention #qsmp #look- she went through a lot #being from purgatory #isolated from most eggs and the ones she did meet most rejected her (ik tallulah said give more time- but as an ND myself- rejection) #it feels like rejection- anyways- #she tried so hard to make friends or get along and any time she did it just- failed so bad #sure chayanne and ramon like her lots and such and she has em and pepi- but- #out of all the eggs she could meet who were new to her- only 2 she knew liked her- out of 6 eggs only 2 #(that she knew and it took a while to know too- as well as later meet more eggs that would like her too-) #and then her dad is on a depression spiral #and then he is taken from her against his will and on their final day before hes gone they get attacked #and then hes gone for *days* #he comes back and hes worse #no one takes this hurting seriously even when she reached out for fit but he just brushed it off or made light- #and then forever kidnapps the eggs to work and then dapper is taken and no one knows where #her dad gets a bit better btu then hes back to being bad #people keep messing with him too #and it just hurts in ways ya know #and then they are taken to prison #oh yea- and she had her mom as a corpse in her front yard basically #anyways- prison she finally meets her other dad after months of being on quesadilla #everyone presses button and then are in a library and the eggs are just on the prone bodies of their parents #(tubbo died in same position that he sleeps in) #(sunny deffinetly curled up in his dead arms as she did when he sleeps. hes just sleeping. please shes just sleeping and this is a dream) #i want her to finally go ape shit #she would still be kind but she would have no mercy or simpathy to give anymore #no one will trample on them anymore

[satans-knitwear]

I went out (looking fabulous) for lunch with baby belle and the bestie yesterday!

A lovely day!! I also found an old print of a £10 note in the pocket of the red mac I got for £7 from the charity shop! Lucky!!

#I am really paying for it now though 😭 my brain is torturing me and my body is doing worse. Sleep paralysis made a return #Can't speek properly bc pain in throat but also bc words feel distant and confusing #Dealing with the aftermath of doing normal and pleasant things makes me reluctant to repeat the effort #But it really was such a nice day. Beautiful weather. Fabulous company. Even my parents joined us for a while! Lovely food too 😍 #I shall take baby belle with me to more pubs and restaurants. We deserve a nice time!! #And i shall make picnics so we can have nice food outside with bib baby rosie as well. I think we shall enjoy that #Regardless of how my brain and body decide to punish me afterwards 😂😂

[ace-apple]

i hope qcellbit fails horribly in his goal to push everyone away from him. i hope they refuse to let him win i hope they make sure he knows that he's just hurting them and it wont stop unless he does because theyre not gonna leave. sorry i just hope this cubito heals so bad i need it more than anything

#mcyt #qsmp #q!cellbit #sorry if i think about his relapse for too long i get like this indefinitely. it makes me so sad #it makes me sad in regards to qpac. do you think he feels like he failed to keep his promise that the monster was gone? #it makes me sad in regards to qbagi. she knew a version of him he never even got to know. #it makes me sad in regards to the eggs. theyll just see their dad no matter what he does #it makes me sad in regards to qroier. he loves him so much and thinks the only way for him to be happy is for him to leave him behind.... #sorry im. insane about my cubito again. #each day without qcellbit healing arc i will get Worse

[hammill-goes-fogwalking]

I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI.

#not dislike. its hate #it made me cry several times today #thinking of how my classmates manipulate our teachers #and chatgpt AIs can EVERYTHING #its so painful to think of it #today I broke down in the bus and cried #idc what people think. hiding my feelings any longer would destroy me from the inside #maybe youve also seen how people use freakin AIs in their exams #the thing is that: #we wrote an exam for which Ive studies for like 2 whole days #this week we finally got the exams back (w the grades ofc) #and ok Ive got a 3 (C in America syste #*m) #my friends who used chatgpt throughout the exam got way better grades (I didnt expect it otherwise) #PLUS #the most provocating messages from the teacher: #“10/10 POINTS :)” “YOURE ROCKING THIS” “YEAH” #💔 #seriously #this breaks my heart #dont the teacher see something suspect in the exam?! #why cant they open their eyes and get modernized to reality. #& they KNOW- the students Im talking of. they usally have bad results. #once our teacher came to a chatgpt student and said the most miserable thing: #“youve been using duolingo a lot lately hm? thats where your nice grades come from 😉🥰” #you get it? #no- this peoson didnt learn. #no- this person isnt even interested in the stuff we learn in lessons #AWFUL feeling to hear the praisings of da teachers when *I* gotta sit among the gpt-students and look like Im a worse student than *them* #[writing this at almost 1 at night] still have some tears. this topic really has the power to destroy someones day. 💔💔