#I should prob go back to my therapist | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

moon-rivr · 7 months

Text

fetish

pairing: ex boyfriend miguel x fem reader

warnings: oral (f and m receiving), doggy, and mating press (pretty sure i probs forgot smth 🧍🏻)

author’s note: i got the idea from listening to the song and i hope you enjoy lol :)

word count: 2830

You swore to yourself that last time was the last time that you would hook up with your ex again, but despite how much you wanted to, you still found your way under his sheets again. Even though you said those words to him at the end of the night, you both knew you were lying and would continue with that cycle. Miguel wasn't a bad boyfriend per se, he did have some struggles with communicating properly and had some unresolved mommy issues, but he treated you like you were the most valuable thing in his life. In the time that you did spend together anyways, since he did always prioritize the Spider Society over you.

You spent your day off running some errands and taking care of your mental health, watching some tv and finding ways to unwind for the following work week. Around 11 while you were binging your favorite series, your phone pinged with a message from Miguel.

stop going back to him(pls): I managed to leave hq early if you wanna come over. I bought those empanadas you liked from Queens.

You felt the internal conflict in your brain, wanting to say no to him and stay home but you also knew that a part of you missed having Miguel hold you and tell you sweet nothings after having sex. You thought about it for a couple seconds before realizing that you'd binged the entire series in one sitting, blaming that as the reason why you would go over to Miguel's place. You wanted to be mad at him for reaching out after telling him that last time would be the last time, but how could you if you kept going back despite pushing him away?

Your palms grew clammy as you paced around Miguel's front porch, thinking if you should just run away and never come back here. You stopped your pacing and looked up when you heard the front door open, seeing Miguel standing there with a puzzled look on his face. "I didn't mean to interrupt your quarter life crisis but my camera sent out an alert," he spoke up a bit later, rubbing the back of his back awkwardly. Your common sense went out the window when you saw him leaning against the doorframe in just a pair of grey sweatpants hung just low enough to get a glimpse of his happy trail and water droplets clinging to his pecs like he just got out the shower.

You stepped into his house, noting that he'd made it look a bit more homely, turning on a eucalyptus candle and had even gotten a small, black cat. Your brow arched as the cat approached you, since Miguel wasn't too fond of animals usually, but you bent down to pet it nonetheless. "My therapist said it might be helpful to get some sort of grieving buddy," he mumbled, his cheeks turning red from embarrassment. "It's cute, what's it's name?" you asked, taking the cat in your arms as you stroked its back. "That's Apollo, he's a pretty decent cat. Doesn't poop outside the litter box," Miguel said, looking over at you as you scratched Apollo’s belly and sat down on the couch.

Miguel handed you the empanada he'd mentioned in the texts wrapped up in a napkin along with a ice cold Coke. "Colombian empanadas?" You asked, pursing your lips a little in amusement since you knew Miguel usually preferred mexican ones. "The little mexican restaurant around the corner was closed, but I'll have to give it to you, those are pretty good," he replied as he sat down on the couch next to you, turning on the tv. He placed one arm around your shoulders as you ate your empanada, just enjoying the pleasure of your company at the moment. "How's it going at the society?" You asked curiously, glancing over at him as you saw his jaw clench a bit. "It's good, got some new recruits and we're in the process of training them," he says after a couple seconds, his jaw unclenching as he takes a bite out of his empanada.

About half an hour later, you two had finished up eating up the empanadas and were just curled up on the couch watching Breaking Bad. "What if we run off to New Mexico and cook meth?" You asked Miguel, your lips curling into a smile as he shook his head, laughing a bit. "Knowing you, we'd probably end up burning the rv," he replied, poking your cheek teasingly. "Well that's what you're there for, for all the science-y stuff while I sit there and look pretty," you told him, a grin on your face as you made the suggestion. His hand gently rubbed circles on your lower back as you leaned against his shoulder, before he spoke out again, "Do you wanna head to the bedroom?"

You knew you should've stopped it there, after he asked you that question but you couldn't help but nod and walk with him to the bedroom. He walked with you to the bedroom, leaving the cat laying on the couch, while his hand gently stroked your back. The physical affection he was giving you was unusual, but you still basked it in the small acts nonetheless. He closed the door behind you, grabbing some of the research papers he had on his bed and putting them off to the side. You took off your shoes and set them off the side, looking over at Miguel as he walked closer to you.

"I missed you," he whispered against your neck, his fangs gently grazing the skin as he started to kiss it. You felt your legs tremble underneath you from how sweetly his lips were running against your skin and Miguel gestured for you to jump, leading you two to his bed. He sat down, placing you on his lap as he started to unbutton your blouse. "Siempre te ves tan chula, corazón," he spoke softly, like the words were only dignified to be heard by you two as he leaned in and pressed soft kisses on your collarbone. He bit down on your shoulder and ran over it with his tongue, letting out a soft moan as your hands tugged on his hair. He continued to nip and lick at your skin, soft moans and heavy breaths filling up the room before he reached your bra. "Are you sure about this, querida?" He asked, his finger toying with the strap as he looked at you for any signs of discomfort. "I'm sure," you replied, watching as his eyes darkened with need and he snapped your bra with his talon. (you always look so gorgeous, love/darling)

"Was it really necessary to snap my bra off?" You grumbled a bit, the thought dying off as you felt his mouth envelop your nipple. "I'll buy you as many bras as you want," he murmured, lifting his head up slightly so you'd hear him before going back to sucking on your nipples. His tongue formed small circles around your areola as your hands wound tightly in his hair. His other hand began rubbing small circles too, providing you with the same amount of pleasure in each one. He pulled away from your nipple a couple seconds later just to switch places, leaving small marks and hickeys in his wake.

He laid you down on the bed after he was sufficiently satisfied with the marks he left on your breasts, working on taking off your pants. You saw the look in his eyes darken a bit as he spread your legs apart, realizing that you weren't wearing any panties. "Toda mojadita y solo para mí, hm?" He said as he got in between your legs, looking up at you. "Solo para ti," you murmured, your hands tangled up in his hair as he slowly started kissing on your calves. It was true, even if you reprimanded yourself every time you exited Miguel's house with your makeup messed up, nobody could make you feel or make you cum the same way that he did. His mouth moved upwards, leaving small kisses as he did before he reached your pussy. He let out a small chuckle as he saw you open your legs instinctively, almost welcoming him in. "What if we try something new?" (all wet and just for me/just for you)

When Miguel had suggested something new, your brain started conjuring up what he could be talking about but you didn't think he'd actually tell you to sit on his face. "I'm Spider-Man, cmon, what could go wrong?" He remarked after you made a comment about crashing his face, your face flushing a shade of deep red. "Fine, but if it starts to get too much just tell me," you said to him after a while of consideration, sitting on his lap. "I think I should be the one telling you that," he replied with a small chuckle, helping you move up to his face. You felt yourself growing nervous as you looked down at Miguel, his eyes glistening with want. You decided to hover against his face for now, feeling his tongue gently running through your thighs.

"I thought I told you to use my face like a damn chair. ¿Qué parte de eso no entiendes, preciosura?" He asked, tsking his tongue as his hands pushed down on your thighs. You gave up on your last bit of resistance when you noticed how much he seemed to want it, your thighs on either side of his face. He let out a small groan as he licked a stripe on your folds, your thighs enclosing tighter around his head. He pulled on your folds gently, his hands massaging your thighs as he took his time to really taste you. (what part of that don’t you understand, precious?)

His tongue slipped inside, licking away at the wetness that was building up. He plunged his tongue deep inside of you, swirling it in just the right way that had your mouth wide open and your hands gripping his hair tightly. "Don't stop," you moaned out, feeling him start to suck on your pussy with a new vigor. You began moving your hips against his face, seeking out your release. His mouth closed around your clit, sucking on it and licking it with just the right amount of pressure as two of his fingers plunged deep inside you. He curled his fingers, pumping them in and out at a steady pace and you felt your orgasm building up. "Miguel, I'm about to cum," you warned, but he didn't relent and held you down with his other hand.

He started licking up your release from your pussy and off his fingers, helping you get off his face. You got a good look at his face, noticing how soaked his mouth and chin were but he didn't seem to care. "Tan deliciosa," he murmured, raising your chin as he kissed you softly. The taste of you and him combined was intoxicating, something that you couldn't get in another place. You got down on your knees, starting to take Miguel's sweats off before he did it for you, taking them off in record time. "And here you were calling me out for not having panties," you said with a small laugh, his cock slapping your chin as he finished up with taking off his pants. "Gotta let the cheeks breathe." (so delicious)

You swiped the precum building up at the tip with your pointer finger, your gaze on him as you licked it. Your mouth enclosed around his cock, your gaze on him as you started to suck on the tip. He put his hand at the back of your head, slowly starting to guide you deeper. One of your hands was wrapped around his shaft, pumping the parts that you couldn't take in your mouth as your other hand cupped his balls, massaging them. He let out a moan when he looked down to see your nose pressed against his pubic hair, his cock hitting the back of your throat. You pulled away, a string of saliva left before you went back to sucking on his cock.

He let out a guttural moan as your mouth enclosed around his cock perfectly, your hands cupping and tugging on his balls. You took more of his length in your mouth, looking up at him as the tip of his cock touched the back of your throat. "I'm gonna cum, princesa," he moaned out, his hand on the back of your head. You didn't relent, your mouth still taking his length entirely as he shot out spurts of cum in your mouth. He released completely in your moan, your eyes capturing his as you swallowed his cum. He took your hand, helping you up as he guided you back to the bed. "On your hands and knees, cariño." (princess/sweetheart)

You quickly got to your hands and knees, letting out a small yelp as you felt a slap on your ass. He gripped your hips tightly as he slipped inside you, your previous orgasm providing him with the lubrication he needed. He started off slow, his hands on your hips as he thrusted before quickening his pace. His heavy balls slapped against your thighs as his hips moved at an animalistic pace to help you both reach that peak of pleasure. His hand pulled on your hair, pulling you close to him as he kissed on your shoulders, biting down. He couldn't help but smile at seeing your shoulders marked by him, knowing that he imprinted himself on you at least for a couple days. One of his hands moved down to your clit, rubbing fervent circles on it as he basked in the way your hands clawed at the sheets underneath you. Your mouth contorted in an 'o' shape, letting out moans of Miguel's name.

"Right there, Miguel!" You moaned out loudly, holding the sheets underneath you in a vice as you felt your orgasm building up once more. With one final thrust of his hips, you slumped against the bed as you came, clear liquid coating the base of Miguel's cock. You took a few moments to come down from your high, looking over to see that Miguel was already ready for the second round. You laid on your back when he pushed your knees against your chest, slowly pushing his cock back inside you.

Your walls tightly clamped around his cock as he started to thrust inside you, your hands gripping the sheets tightly as he started to move faster. Miguel’s gaze was focused on the way your breasts bounced with each of his thrusts. His hands moved to grip your hips tightly as he thrusted faster, your walls clenching around him tightly. "You say each time is the last one but no one can fuck you like this, hm?" He said, his mouth in a cocky smirk as he continued to move against you. "No! Nobody can," You babbled, all coherent thought dying with each one of his thrusts. He let out a small chuckle before one of his hands started to circle around your clit, rubbing it just right. The tip of his cock kissed your cervix as he thrusted deeply, your hands clutching onto the sheets even tighter.

You let out a loud moan as you felt his cock brush up against your g-spot, your toes curling as he made it his mission to continue to hit that spot. Your walls clenched around his cock tightly before you came once more, clear white liquid hitting his abdomen. "No one else can make you squirt like I can, isn't that right?" He teased you, thrusting in you one last time before he came, his cum dripping from your pussy to his bedsheets. He took out his softening cock out of you a couple seconds later, grabbing a rag from his bedside table to clean you up.

"You don't have to go right away, y'know? Stay a while," he spoke up after a while, rubbing small circles on your stomach as he looked at you. However, you were already wallowing in regret as he did so, blaming yourself for not having enough self control to deny his desires every time he called. Despite all this, you did stay for a while and enjoyed his company, pretending for a moment that he did actually want something more with you apart from a late night fuck.

You quickly picked up your clothes about an hour later, putting them on as you glanced over to see Miguel already looking at you. You finished up getting dressed and fixed up your hair, dipping your head down to kiss his cheek. You lingered for a moment before whispering, "This is the last time."

You could only hoped that you sounded convincing enough to Miguel.

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girlylukehughes · 10 months

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peace

part three of the folklore hockey fic!

warnings: implied smut(no real smut)

part one, part two. part three, part four

y/nhughes just posted!

liked by markestapa and 334,635 others

y/nhughes: But I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm, if your cascade, ocean wave blues come."

tagged: markestapa

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_quinnhughes: i feel like i missed something.

—y/nhughes: quinn when he doesn't use instagram or read the family groupchat

——_quinnhughes: …

_quinnhughes: anyways... happy for you ig!

—y/nhughes: thanks quinnifer😁

markestapa: we’re so cute

—y/nhughes: the cutest

——lhughes06: im gonna vomit

———y/nhughes: vomit butterflies and rainbows right? because we are sooooo cute

————lhughes06: no.

user1: the way he looks at her i'm on the floor

edwards.73: still no photo creds i see how it is. next time i'm posting incriminating evidence.

—y/nhughes: markestapa should we be scared?

——markestapa: i don't think so????

———edwards.73: y/nhughes markestapa yes.

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markestapa just posted!

liked by y/nhughes and 446,728 others

markestapa: And you know that I'd swing with you for the fences, sit with you in the trenches, give you my wild, give you a child — give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other.

tagged: y/nhughes

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lhughes: MY EYES WHAT THE FUCK

lhughes: GET THIS OFF MY SCREEN

dylanduke25: luke is sitting with his head between his knees and is pulling his hair out

—y/nhughes: send pics

———markestapa: please do

jackhughes: WOAH WOAH WOAH BACK THE FUCK UP

—y/nhughes: go away

y/nhughes: when he listens to folklore and gets it >>>>

—markestapa: only for you

——y/nhughes: mwah mwah mwah mwah

_quinnhughes: jackhughes never send me this shit again i need to go bleach my eyes and call my therapist.

_quinnhughes: also y/hughes i will call mom.

—y/nhughes: mom follows both of us she's already seen it. ur threat = empty

——_quinnhughes: i hate you.

edwards.73: my final straw. incriminating evidence being posted in 5 minutes.

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edwards.73 just posted!

liked by dylanduke25 and 346,879 others

edwards.73: here's an explanation for each photo:

pic 1: y/nhughes and markestapa fucked up by not giving me photo creds

pic 2: video footage from the ring doorbell after their first date(luke learn to check the cameras) y/n actually ended up kicking mark in the face on accident. mark told the team he got jumped.

pic 3: y/n stole these from lhughes06 closet at the lake house and made us break into the park.

pic 4: me and y/nbff helping y/n break into marks room at the soph house. once again, luke learn how to check the cameras.

pic 5: y/n asked mark if she could do his make up. he happily obliged and got mad when i didn't say he was pretty.

pic 6: y/n and mark plotting how mark is going to get out of the lake house before me and luke got back because he wasn't supposed to be there for another day. luke i swear to god look at your surroundings.

pic 7: this one i'll probs get in trouble for, but, this how i found out about y/n and mark. he came back from their "tutoring session" like this. y/n girl, cut your nails.

pic 8: peace out bitches. give me photo creds next time there's more where this came from.

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y/nhughes: what the actual fuck

—y/nhughes: markestapa i think we have a stalker

——markestapa: jesus christ ethan

y/nhughes: also no i will not cut my nails mark likes them

lhughes06: this is MY last straw. how long have they been together for fucks sake.

dylanduke25: holy shit he actually did it

rutgermcgroarty: ethan i think you have a problem

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masterlist

#mark estapa #umich hockey #folklore hockey fic!#mark estapa x reader #umich fic #umich imagine

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aleksa-sims · 3 months

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RL Simself Story ⛈️

We had just arrived at Damien’s Mom's house. The thunderstorm continued, so Nico and I had to spend the night there. As I wanted to call my Mom, to tell her not to worry, Ana also called me, to tell me Daniel was back home. I was confused!?... I couldn’t believe it and I was annoyed by some things Ana did. Why was she at our place to talk to D.? Why is Ana meddling in my affairs? I mean, I get it! She was worried about him, she loved Daniel, just like my whole family did. But why did she have to mention that.... Lexi- shit? And why does she always think Alex is responsible for D.'s & my probs? Anyway, it pissed me off. And Nico was sitting right next to me while I was on the phone with Ana & my Mom. So he knew it too now, that D. was back. 😞

Me (to N.): I’m so sorry.... But trust me, it doesn’t change anything. I promise.... Uhm... I'll step out for a sec. I-...I have to call Ana back.

Nico: It's raining buckets!! Where you going? It's crazy out there.

Me: I-.... I just have to get out. Don't worry N., it's-... it's all fine. ok?

Nico: I'm going with you. 😟

Me: No! Please, don't. I just need to be by myself for a while. 😞

I'm so stupid!!! No one was out in the fucking weather, expect me, fool!... I had some questions for Ana. She said Daniel seemed high to her. I wanted to know why? Why did she think that? Well, Ana meant D. smoked, when she saw him. Actually, she was right. Daniel only smoked when he was high, or when we tried to get off that damn durg. I was worried about him, but at the same time, also mad. By now I knew, that Daniel saw Irena, just before he left 4 months ago. He was in her apartment. I didn’t know why he was there, at Irenas and his former place? Irena didn't want to tell me more.

Ana: Where are you anyway? Are you out there alone?

Me: Ah... yea, I'm alone.... Agh, Ana? Um... shit. The reception here's poor. Wait, I’m going in a different direction. Maybe it's better there?.... I think I’m gonna call Daniel.

Ana: You should go back to the house, to N. Just text Daniel. Tell him you'll be back home soon. But you don't have to call him, now A.!

Me: I’m afraid to tell him, Ana... And I feel so shitty about N., too. I'm so horrible. 😞

Ana: Yea. I get you. But Nico knew what he was getting into.

Me: Still, he also has feelings. N. is not an ass, as you all think. And I love him.

Me: Ana?.... Hello?... Ana!... Ugh, shit. 😨

Perfect timing. My phone died. 🤦‍♀️I was so absorbed in talking to my sister, that I got lost! I had no reception near Damien’s house, so I went in a completely different direction, but now, I did not know where I was? I decided to go back the way I went. Couldn't be so difficult, I thought....🧐

I was wrong! I got a.... little mental breakdown?... I wandered blind through an unknown area. Because of the heavy rain I could hardly open my eyes. I started to panic. I couldn’t use my phone to call N. He’ll think I left him, to rush home to Daniel. I was so worried about that. Nico told me himslef, just a few days ago, that he doesn’t trust me anymore. He's gonna hate me! 😨 And my Baby won’t have a Dad or a family bcs of me. 😭... I tried not to think about it, but about the tips my therapist taught me, to better deal with my panic attacks. And yea, I calmed down. I looked around again. I tried to concentrate to keep my eyes open. I saw two houses in the street where I was. I made my way towards the houses, to ask someone for help. But then I changed my mind. Somehow I didn’t feel good about ringing at strangers. I was afraid a psycho could lure me into his house. 😬 Yup, that's from watching so many horror movies, Ik!

Besides, I noticed that the road I was on, was a sign pointing to a bar and some shops, that should be just around the corner. I decided to try this first, before... well, I get killed by a sicko. Believe me, I have often run into some sick guys in my life. That’s why I was so insecure.

Meanwhile the others were starting to worry about me. Nico couldn’t find me outside and my phone was off too. He asked Damien to help him look for me. Oh, and the electricity was cut. Allegedly, an important power pole was damaged by lightning. 🤷‍♀️

As you can see, I did not end up in a bar, but went to a shop that was open. I was so relieved when I saw other people there. They were surprised by the thunderstorm. Now they’ve been stuck in that small twon for two hours. They couldn’t get home. The streets were closed due to flooding and some other probs. Anyway, I was looking for the shop assistant to ask if I could use their phone. I just wanted to call N. to tell him where I was. Finally I found a young woman standing behind the counter, admiring herself in the mirror and taking selfies. I think she was about to go home? She grabbed her bag and hung it over her shoulder....

Me: Hi!... Um, excuse me?... Sorry, I don’t want to disturb you. Um, may I short use the phone here somewhere? I’m not from this area, just visiting, but I got lost. I just want to call my boyfriend so he doesn’t worry about me.

Girl: Oh, hi!... Sorry, but we are having technical probs with our phone connection atm. But, you know what? You can use my phone for a second. I hope it works. I just got off the phone with my brother and my mom. Let's try.

Me: Omg, I know you! (😡) Is your brother Damien?

Yes, I met Diana. Damien's Twin Sister. Let’s see if she remembers me? 😒... Oh, and btw, I didn’t really get lost. I just have a terrible sense of direction! Damien’s house was only 2 blocks away!!! So I went in the right direction, but.... somehow I didn’t recognize the surroundings. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Previous/Next

#ts4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #myrlgameplay #rl story #cw addiction #cw drugs

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garxtomp · 5 months

Text

The 100% accurate Genshin character guide

P1 Mondstadt

Traveler

Abandonment issues

Just wants to find their sibling

Fights a god w/ dull sword and wins

Costco link

“…”

Venti

Drunk bard

Questionable choices in skins

Don’t let him any wear near your friends

“Gay or European, it’s hard to guaranteed”

Paimon

The tour guide that doesn’t do anything

H o n g r y

Probably the unknown god but we’ll get back to that later

At least we have emergency food

“Ehehe~”

Amber

Mondstadt’s Stove Lighter

Festival webtoon outfit when?

I’m missing amber’s dance rn

“Go go baron bunny”

Jean

Single mom of mondstadt

Tuonto’s beloved

Someone give her a comfortable bed to rest on

“Klee, put that down”

Klee

Mondstadt’s fireworks

Menace to society

Probably killed someone on accident once

“Klee loves to go fish basting!”

Diluc

I lied about Jean being single

Depressed man

Daddy issues

God of wine that hates wine

“Not interested in idle chit chat”

Kaeya

Ice bridge

Daddy issues but double it

Everyone’s first genshin crush

The 1 thing the god of wine is allergic to

“Why so cold Diluc?”

Fischl

Delusional

Speaks funny language

Theater kid

Has pet bird that translates funny language

“Oz shut the fuck up”

Lisa

Hot librarian

Fought the abyss over a book

Has pet wolf

“Give me back my book before I shove knifes down your throat 😊”

Bennett

Fornite kid

Has more dads than all the Genshin characters combined

Somehow isn’t dead

“You want me on your team? 🥹”

Razor

Has basically been adopted by everyone in mondstadt

Furry

Loves potatoes (as he should)

Grammar? Never heard of it

“BORK”

Barbara

Jeus lady

Everyone’s favorite Facebook celebrity

Idc if you don’t like her protect her at all means necessary 😨

Bring her old voice back 😭

“Please notice me Jean”

Noelle

Maid therapist

Looks nice, can kill you

Probably won’t kill you tho

“Maiden for the Kights of Favonius”

Sucrose

created a whole new species because her friends left her

At least they aren’t dead

“What If I took ur body, and slapped it against a fking chalkboard 👹”

Albedo

Chalk man

Mondstats’ older brother cause why not

Has a silly voice actor

“Moment of birth”

Rosaria

First Atheist to regularly show up to church

Goth lady

“ fuck u or sm idk that much an Rosaria I…I gave up”

Mika

Weilds multiple weapons,

Wdym he’s not a cryo catalyst :(

“☝️🤓”

Eula

Vengeance lady

Strange family members

“Don’t be shy girl go bonanza”

Diona

A fking menace to society

Bartender, hates wine

“I wish my dad loved me”

Mona

Broke bitch

Strange choice of friends

Knows the future, somehow not god.

“You have a son right? Yeah well he’s gonna die tomorrow so good luck with that”

(Sorry i died lol, also my Wanderer fanfic is prob never gonna get finished lol mb)

#genshin #genshin impact #albedo #amber #lisa #bennett #diluc #diona #eula #fischl #jean #kaeya #klee #mika #mona #noelle #razor #rosaria #sucrose #venti

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neuroticboyfriend · 5 months

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Should prob look into substance abuse resources

my friend have you been following me for long because that is all i try to do. like. ahah. i was supposed to go to rehab. im going to A.A tonight. im going back to my substance abuse counselor, emailed her today. lmao. i hate. when people do this. it's like hearing someone has depression and going "you should see a therapist" it's just really condescending even if you mean well

#asks #anon #greybox #graybox

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raksh-writes · 1 year

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Really freaking unfair how Im barely able to sit straight at my desk with how exhausted and sleepy I feel but as soon as I lay down Im Immediately wide awake, no traces of sleepiness present. Like. What the fuck???

That's NOT how a bed should work.

#personal #vent #its been an ongoing problem for Quite some time #and Im so damn tired of it #I Need sleep #but fuck me if I get any #and of course my anxiety is acting up to fuuuuuck #how do I reverse this? I want to able to Sleep again not lay awake for hours on end #its not night yet now #but I had a pretty okay day then got this ready to knock me over wave of exhaustion a second ago #and of course when I decided that Okay maybe laying down will help #I get wide awake as soon as I hit the bed #the fuck brain??#I dont know what to do anymore #I talked with my therapist about getting some sleeping pills from a psychiatrist but she advised me away from it #so I dont fucking know #should I just NOT sleep for a whole night and hope it fixes it?#tho I should know it prob won't help #and just go right back to the same thing after I get 1 night of better sleep #rant #Im so done with this...

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devilscastle69 · 9 months

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hello I come with 'anythings' if you'd like them <3 - What TYPE of dessert is your favourite? (follow up) what kind from that type? (as specific as you wanna get!) - Do you have a favourite place to hang out when you wanna do nothing? Or a favourite place to people watch? - If you need to get studying done, what helps you? What makes it worse? - If you were a bird for a day, what would you be excited to do? What would you not wanna do? - Is there a song stuck in your head? More than one? (follow up) If so, which one(s)? - Do you have anything you need so you can sleep? Is there anything that you can't stand while sleeping? - If you could have any meal free for the rest of your life, (every time you get it, it's free) what meal would you choose, and why? - What meal always makes you feel happy? Do you know why that is, and if you do, want to share the reason~? this is so long, so feel free to pick and choose, or answer all if you want!! Just a lil variety~ <3)

Tysm for asking these omg 🥺🥺🥺 you are so sweet fjdjdhjfj

Ahhh I can’t choose honestly. Maybe like puddingy types? Like I love getting rice pudding and flan and bread pudding at restaurants. Also love good ice cream in the summer

For hangout places I love the weeby stores by me!!!! There’s a spot I love that has rlly good ramen and snacks. I also love going to a specific mall and the barcade w friends. Always love GameStop too.

Omg studying 😭 thank god I’m done w college. If I wanted to get a masters tho 💀 omg. Ok hm. Def practicing. For some types of studying music can help. Other times it doesn’t. Having a specific area helped me like sometimes going to the library or sitting on the floor rather than my bed or in the living room. Having snacks or set goals for myself. Setting a timer could help. Working w ppl who would hold me accountable vs ppl who just wanna chill (less helpful)

Having the tv on is def a distraction or like trying to study passively. I don’t remember all the tools I used honestly. I probably would rewrite the info and give myself practice questions. I definitely struggled to pay attention looking back. Lots of my note docs would be almost blank bc I’d just start writing fanfic. I also attended zoom university for a bit so it was a wash. I sucked at studying in high school. My senior year was full of bs classes that I was actually interested in. I probably should get screened for adhd but my therapist was like you’re fine so 🤷🏼 w/e. I almost failed math sophomore year of hs bc I could not focus I would just draw mermaids in the corners of my notebook. My parents’ friend/a dif teacher tutored me and the one on one help is def the only way I passed. I took an easier class next year that I could bs my way thru and same for my senior year.

In college I’d be like bitch u don’t EAT until u do this math. U get NO free ice cream if u don’t do it >:(. U don’t get to do xyz until after. I will order DOMINOS if u actually try

I am v lucky to have a job I care about and can plan for. It’s like the fine dining and breathing SpongeBob thing. If I don’t care about it it’s thrown out and everything is on fire.

If I were a bird I’d be like omfg write that down WRITE THAT DOWN it’s going in the next h//awks fanfic. I would wanna fly. I’d maybe wanna visit ppl I care about. Like not to do anything creepy tho idek. I probs wouldn’t wanna eat bugs.

I found a way from drake and Josh and also flowers - Miley Cyrus

Haha I used to need the tv on to sleep at my parents’ house. I also used to have a much easier time w melatonin, weed, or alcohol bc I was constantly anxious there. 🥲 now I can lit sleep in absolute dark and w silence and don’t need any sleep aides. I love the lil fan I have blowing on my face and I love sleeping in the ac. I love my blankets I have some special ones and then a weighted one that is such a game changer. I hate when it’s too hot to sleep or too cold like I don’t like having to bundle. When I lived w my roommates they liked it really cold and I’d basically shiver until I finally crashed. W like a sweatshirt and sweatpants and socks and multiple blankets.

A burrito or burrito bowl bc whenever I was hella sad I’d go to qdoba and it would make me so much happier immediately. And whenever it was free it was an extra boost. I loved being able to choose everything too and like a lot of the staff knew what I was gonna say bc I was there a lot 💀💀💀

LMAO QDOBA MAKES ME HAPPPPYYYYY

also my moms cooking is so good. like it’s soooo fucking fire it’s worth the drama just to come eat.

also I love sushi. I think I tried it for the first time w friends and it’s always a comforting food. same w ramen. if im like s*** or depressed it’s another go to. I used to get it a lot when I was working at this one job I hated

#not snz #ama #tw: drug mention

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chibiko · 11 months

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Damn you are just sending yourself anon hate now huh. Well, since you seem bored and asked... Get over your victim complex, nearly every issue in your life is caused by you being a fucking dumbass.

"oh I hate my job I'm going to LARP as Goro Akechi to cope and allow my rancid online personality to seep into that" "why am I fired" "oh my dad's side is toxic but I'll get back in touch with them" "why is my mental health is in the shitter" "I need therapy but I refuse to give my potential therapist any information so they roughly know what they're getting into" "why can't I get therapy" and that's just the most recent ones that wouldn't out me.

Get over yourself at this point. Pick a fucking struggle. Stop shoving them into your shopping cart and rushing the doors and wondering why you're getting arrested for shoplifting. You have less self-awareness than a plastic bag drifting aimlessly in a parting lot, and even less of a personality than one.

Speaking of your personality or lack thereof, seriously? You're a "monster"? I can name nothing more human than your self-centeredness, and it's fucking hilarious that you keep trying to cope by pretending to be hardcore online and roleplaying anime characters. While we're on the topic, if you were somehow Goro Akechi, which you aren't, because weirdly enough Persona 5 characters aren't real and you can't tell the difference between fiction and reality even with the disclaimer Persona 5 has in the beginning with how badly your brain has rotted in your skull, you wouldn't have nearly as many problems in your life because you'd have some amount of foresight beyond "hehe temporary dopamine hit" and some amount of personality and charm beyond "I am literally this character lol". Big mystery as to why no one wants to hire you.

Anywayssss sending peace and love your way bestie, genuinely hope you recover from whatever the hell is wrong with you someday but you should probs do that offline instead of posting it to get validation from strangers online and having them feed your delusions of grandeur 🫶 (but also keep doing that so I can keep sending screenshots of your private Vent accounts to my friends so we can keep making fun of you pls? 🥺 That's literally the only reason why I still talk to you, lol)

god this is so hot. you know how many times i reread this? dozens. youre so fuckin cute, anon.. you want my dick so bad, dont you? whore.

#anon

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bitch-butter · 6 months

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but also havve you Seen this is us, because that film felt like notes from ross' therapist turned into a script i was like 👀👀👀👀 sir we really gonna put our mommy issues out there? for everyone????? to see????? Alright. ok sir. alright.

anyway. i also would like. to know your insight. about the Back Packing Trip. because. well. i am. Curious.

i Have seen About Us and it was a sad bad film that made me feel sad and bad for ross as a person, and i thought it couldn't get any worse for him but then i remembered he made A Violent Man, and i was like that's the actual worse thing but Then i remembered it was originally called Ire so not only is he Bad but he's also Stupid.

let's talk about the backpacking trip

first of all, the whole thing is really giving the one scene of call me by your name i can recall where they're like romping in front of a waterfall, and i feel like this trip Also had like a soft malevolent energy from the beginning.

(also not to be this way but like who backpacks, let alone as a pair? that's like, a front for something else lol. i knew like Peers who Had Money who backpacked together after high school and college but i Earnestly can't imagine what one Does backpacking across Europe together besides finger each other.)

like, it's very sad to imagine in hindsight because Young Ross probably thought this was the beginning of his new life and he was going to take his HBO money and his hot psycho and retire the both of them to Miami Beach or wherever gay people went in the late 90s to Settle Down. it Truly was probably like signed, sealed, delivered at the beginning of that trip, and the waves of young love carried them off on their journey like seraphims or whatever the fuck.

and on a level I'm sure eion Liked him, bc even though I think he should be thrown down a well i just can't Conceptualize him fucking ross, staying homies with him, agreeing to go on a homosexual backpacking trip together, and still seeming to be somehwhat cool with him if he Didn't. the dif is just that i think eion legit was fucking around and refusing to find out, like clearly he had a lot going on at that time and ross was probably just his friend who he fucked on occasion and that was it. it's not technically his fault that ross thought that eventually he'd stop fucking other people and only fuck him, it's trap we've all fallen into on the long road to self actualization. when people tell you who they are, believe them (i learned that watching Vanderpump Rules).

so in my onion this all comes to a head at the end of the trip, after they've been having this like fun sexy time for like a month and a half, when they hit up The Club in Prague and eion is Enjoying himself and ross demonstrably is Not. by now eion is like ok we've had fun c'est la vie and ross is Deeply betrayed by the fact that the love of his young life is making out with other people in The Club and is not being apologetic in the fucking slightest about it. but, again, you knew who this bitch was when you met him.

and he subsequently has to place a drunken collect call to the area beneath an isolated demilitarized zone, which is where matt settle lives, sounding like - as @airsigns knows - the lyle menendez 911 call where he's screaming crying blowing his nose into the receiver begging for help getting flown out.

suffice it to say, eion stays on his european vaca prob getting fucked and sucked all day and ross has to flee (not unlike Taylor Swift on that boat in the blue dress). and deeply darkly he does think eion might come after him, and guess what? he didn't!

and like their whole relationship ever since has been fraught with the insane tension of eion thinking he did nothing wrong and they were just friends who had An Experience together, and ross who still looks at him like an incubus who ruined his life but who he can never be free of, not only because Band of Brothers became an iconic show and this fandom exists to praise them, but because as hard as he tries young love and first heartbreak doesn't ever Really go away.

#very very sad #poor losers #if ross wasn't such an idiot i'd feel worse for him but at a certain point its like dog you did this to yourself #again i say: misery and the greatest happiness

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bugbyte · 6 months

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Can’t sleep, time to write. Health stuff, but in the good way, mostly! I got fitted for my wheelchair! My genetic test is sequencing! It’s exciting and I’m trying to distract myself from the rest of everything in my life!!

So, wheelchair appointment. More complex than I thought; several guys from the company that orders and services them, a physical therapist, and me.

They had me try out two chairs - one that’s more of a scooter thing which I did not love and a lightweight manual one with this really cool thing called a SmartDrive that optionally makes it powered, which I absolutely loved. Main guy from the equipment co. was insistent I would do better in the scooter type chair, and got a little ‘splainy with me in ways I didn’t really like, but in the end I tested both and I’m going with the lightweight one.

The scooter thing did break down into a couple pieces so it can fit in the car, but the problem is I could never lift any of them on my own. The motor portion is like 30 pounds by itself. I just want the option to be able to manage alone if I end up in that kind of situation - which could happen if I’m visiting my parents or something, because they’re old and couldn’t do it either. Or if I just want to go out somewhere, heck, I don’t have to justify why I want to go places. That was sort of a strange argument to have to make.

There definitely was a learning curve to the smartdrive, but it felt delightful to use. Basically the motor is only ever on or off, with a dial for speed, and then you have to use hand grip on the manual wheels to turn. More complicated than the joystick on the other one but I weirdly felt like I had better control. It felt like going for a walk, normally. Delade and I took a lap of the building and it was just this swell of joy because we haven’t been able to do that in a really long time. I could have cried. I cannot wait to go places again and be able to do things for more than 10 minutes before my legs are on fire and all my blood is in my feet.

Anyway I got to pick a color and it’s gonna be Ferrari Red™️ (did they license that? Prob not) and I’m gonna get flame stickers to put on it. Needs a name, haven’t thought of one, yet.

So! Genetic test! My health insurance has been jerking us around so long that the university hospital I’ve been going to just got disgusted and said they would pay for it themselves. I still have to try and fight them to get the uni paid back, but if I fail I still won’t get billed for it. They should get paid though, they’re amazing people doing incredible work.

So I swabbed out my cheeks and put it in tubes and mailed it out as a Biohazard (I’m a biohazard!!) all of which was not terribly exciting but also very exciting. The collection bits looked like cotton swabs but weren’t. Left my cheeks feeling scuffed, but not like bleeding or anything. Just a strange feeling and it’s basically already gone.

The test is out, and I got access to a tracking portal with info on its status and it’s sequencing right now. The portal had a list of all the genes they’re testing for and I just had this wild moment of humbling. So the first human genome was fully sequenced in 2000. I took biology in college around 2005, and so much of it still was kind of new-ish, but we learned a bunch about it. I figured out now I can grab the individual gene names and plug them into a search on GeneCards and it really is just…humbling. I’m far from very knowledgeable about this stuff but I know enough to sort of piece it together and see what does what, what they’re looking for. I just have this sense of awe that this is even possible, like if I had been born just handful of years sooner we wouldn’t have this yet. Anyway I’m probably going down a genetics rabbit hole for a while. It’s human legos. I’m fascinated. Or maybe I’m just having an emotional week.

Anyway we decided to play a friendly game of Gene Roulette and I know where I’m putting my money, however unlikely it might actually be. I just have a gut feeling about one of them, but I’m going to sit on it and see.

Anyway that’s the exciting good news, amid all the sadness around here. Grief continues. I have no idea when I’ll be able to afford something like this, but I decided I’m getting my cat’s paw prints tattooed on my leg in the spot where he would always put them when he came to just sit with me while I was in pain. Always just a little above my right knee, slightly to the outer part of my thigh. Then he’ll still be sitting there with me, always.

We keep talking about getting another cat, but someday. Not yet. We’re not in a situation that could handle an emergency, should something bad happen, and honestly I think I’m just going to have to grit it out for a while while the hole in my heart tries to fill in. Do I ever want a little snuggle creature to pet and hold, though.

#blog #healthposting #hypermobility #mobility aid #wheelchair #genetics #dealing with grief #grief

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rurpleplaysmuttingtonac · 1 year

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"-could really bring Sophie back, then what should I do with Abigail?"

"Are you still dating her?"

"I'm not sure dating is the right word. She comes around and chills out with me occasionally."

"Do you mind me asking if...things have got physical with her?"

"No...nothing more than the odd make out session. I...I keep seeing Sophie."

"Jordan, I think you need to speak to someone professionally. It's not normal to see your dead girlfriend when kissing your current girlfriend."

"I know, but...I needed the distraction and Abi's all too happy to help with that!"

"Yeah but you might, unintentionally, be hurting her by your refusals, even if you sleep with her. And consider, if you do bring Sophie back, what would you do with Abigail? Do you not care for her feelings?"

"I do, it's just...-" his voice broke as he said the next words "-she's not Sophie, is she?"

"Jordan, I'm going to give you Romulus's number."

"Why?"

"As well as bodyguard, he's a licenced therapist, or whatever the legally protected term is. It's part of the reason why I hired him, he's an excellent listener."

"...ok fine. What is it?"

Later that evening, Jordan logged onto his computer and was scanning his social network profile when he got a chat up window from Toni.

ToniKat2000: Hey Jordan, Nigel said you wanted to talk to me?

JordThrob99: Hi Toni. Yeah we were talking earlier. Didn't realise he was going to speak to you first though.

ToniKat2000: I had to deliver some products for him and he mentioned your conversation.

JordThrob99: So what exactly did he tell you?

ToniKat2000: He mentioned that you might wanna bring your girl back from the dead. That true?

JordThorb99: Pretty much. Her name was Sophie Edwards. Is it possible? What do I need to do, or provide?

ToniKat2000: Her grave in the graveyard?

JordThorb99: Yeah

ToniKat2000: Your relationship was solid?

JordThorb99: I've never loved anybody more than her.

ToniKat2000: Seems likely it'll work. I'll pop by after work on Tuesday and we'll discuss what's supposed to happen. I can't come around earlier as Lucy needs my help.

JordThorb99: Does she want to bring Ricky back?

ToniKat2000: Sorry Jordan, I do have some confidentiality unless she wants me to reveal the nature of the visit. I'd better log off now, I'm knackered. I'll see you Tuesday, ok?

JordThorb99: Ok. Thanks Toni.

ToniKat2000: No probs. See ya!

#Muttington AC #Asylum Challenge #TS2 #Part Two #Jordan Jackson #Toni Katty

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aleksa-sims · 4 months

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RL Simself Story ( 18+)

CW: mental illness, panic attacks

This is Dr. M., my Therapist. You have met her once before in my story. She helped me to control my panic attacks and practiced daily with me relaxation techniques. This really helped me after a while.

But now it was time for me, to use Dr M.’s help again. This time, it wasn’t panic attacks. It was rather.... stress & anxiety, that made my everyday life tough. I was afraid to leave the house alone.

Two days ago, I was already here. She prescribed me drugs, antidepressants, that I can continue to take during pregnancy. Weeks before, I attended those therapeutic group sessions she led. I haven’t been there often, but she asked me about Daniel there. She saw I wasn't well. And that's exactly the topic she first discussed with me today. She wanted to get an idea of my current situation and she was also worried about Daniel. She thought Daniel was going through something similar to me. Just he did not have panic attacks, but she was sure, he also struggled to process this thing .The attack on the two of us and the consequences of it. However, I also told her everything that had happened since Daniel left. Drugs, Adam & Ana, including N. & me.

Dr. M.: I'm glad you got confidence in me. I remember well how.... difficult certain topics for you were to address. That guy Adam, how do you handle what happened between you and him?

Me: Actually, nothing happened. And I don’t think he really wanted to hurt me. He had other intentions. It was about my sister.

Dr. M.: I see it a little differently. No matter what his intentions were or what his motive was, what he did is definitely wrong.

Me: Yes, I agree! It was wrong and made me angry. But-... ugh, I don't want to discuss about that. I get a headache from this subject.... No joke, my brain hurts rn.

Dr. M.: Here, a glass of water. You need to stay hydrated..... Better?....Fine. Explain please. What made you so angry about Adam?

Me: Um... what he did! To me.... Why does this keep happening to me?? 😫 It makes me so sick!😡 ... Agh, anyway. Pls let's change the topic.

Dr. M.: It's okay. But you did well! You finally showed me your anger and let it out... Oh, but you didn’t have a panic attack after that, right?

Me: No! I had sex 3 weeks later and well, I’m pregnant. Looks like sex isn’t a prob for me anymore.🤷‍♀️But even before that, it worked quite well between Daniel & me as far as this is concerned. You were right! Daniel wasn’t the trigger for my panic.

Dr. M.: He felt so awful about that. He blamed himself. But I’m glad this at least went well for you two.

Me: I was dreaming about him.... Again. It felt so real... I still feel like he was really with me last night. I was in our apartment. I felt like we were still together. I cleaned up, did our laundry and at night, he really came to me in my dreams... I just want to know where he is?.. Why did he leave me? And if he comes back?

Dr. M.: Let’s say Daniel comes back. What could your life together look like? Some things have changed. You are pregnant and Daniel’s situation or condition may have changed too? Could you imagine continuing your marriage with him?

Me: For him, I would try. I would also forgive him, no matter what he did. But how can I be sure he won’t leave me again?

Dr. M.: Exactly!..... You also have to be aware that you are pregnant. But do you think Daniel would be able to help you with your Baby?

Me: Um... Idk? It's not his Baby. I'm not sure if he can deal with that? But he'd help me, I know that. However, all of this is more of a wishful thinking of mine and not reality. So... I’m going to file for divorce tomorrow.

Dr. M.: That sounds reasonable. You should definitely do this step, for yourself! One of you two has to take the first step towards enlightenment, which doesn’t mean, that it really has to come to a separation in the end. My personal opinion.... Daniel had enough time. It's time to act now!

Me: Almost 3 Months.... Nevertheless, I think I made too hasty decisions and let myself be misled by false facts.... And Nico, whenever he shows up in my life, it gets complicated.

Dr. M. : Tell me more about him. How did you feel when you saw him again after a long time?

Me:...... (Gosh!🤦‍♀️) ... Ahhmm.... yea. It was okay. Nothing special. 🤥

Dr. M.: 🤨... I can tell when you're fibbing.😉 But, let's try it this way! Ask me a personal question that interests you. If I answer, you will also answer my question about Nico.

Me: Hehe...Ok! Ahm??? Do you have kids and are you married?

Dr. M.: No, I don’t have kids, my patients are my kids. But yes, I’ve actually been married recently.

Me: OH, congratulations.

Dr. M.: Thanks! You even met him. He examined you at the clinic when we were planning to include you in the study.

Me: No! That Doc is your husband??.. Cool! He's really nice, Dr. M. Cute. 😉

Dr. M.: Thank you. I'll tell him later. He will surely be pleased about it. 😄... But now back to you, A. How was it for you to see Nico again.

Me: My cheeks felt burning hot. I was beaming & smiling all over my face. 🤦‍♀️🥰.... Agh yea, I was so happy. Even though I was totally nervous and excited, it felt like he's always with me. And I think he felt the same. He kept telling me I was pretty and... hot. But he didn’t kiss me .He.... had a fiancé. He didn’t want to cheat on her, but I think if I told him I wanted him, he wouldn’t have said no. He made hints in that direction, but I was disappointed. Agh, honestly? I knew he was in a relationship. I wasn’t quite sure, but-... yea. I got involved with him anyway. I just can’t say no to him. I wanted him and... just a day later, I got him.

Dr. M.: It is right to say it openly. Feelings of attraction feel strong. Certain factors can amplify all this, making it even more difficult to ignore those feelings. But how did you and he decide to continue?

Me: We talked a lot, especially about the past. There were some misunderstandings that Nico and I were able to resolve. The present is more the problem I think, his fiancée and of course Daniel.

Dr. M.: Would he accompany you here? Like Daniel did... I’m trying to help you. I think Nico has a strong, very strong influence on you. You told me about him before, and.....well! It would be good for you, but also for him, if you come here together. You think he’d be willing to talk to me?

Me: Rn, I'm not really sure?... But Nico has surprised me in recent weeks, in many ways... I’ll see him soon anyway. He’ll accompany me to my prenatal check-up. So yea, I'm gonna talk to him.

Dr. M.: I’m glad to hear he’s accompanying you.... Fine, A.! And please! Please take your pills regularly! Or do I really have to call you here every other day?

Me: No! Pls don't!... I’ll take care of myself, I promise.

Dr. M.: That's just what I was hoping to hear. All right! Then.... See you next week, I’d say.

Me: Sure!...Ok thanks, see you next week Dr. M.

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#ts4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #myrlgameplay #rl story #cw mental health #cw mental illness #cw panic attack

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