#but if i tell him my feelings are hurt he's gonna feel like shit

[bettyfrommars]

Call From a Payphone at the End of the World

Eddie Munson x Reader

18+ONLY, mention of smut, yearning, gender neutral reader but a few pet names are used, alcohol consumption, no Vecna, new crush, star-crossed lovers, strange things happen. Reader and Eddie are over 21.

word count: 1.6k

This a mix of several fic ideas that all blended together somehow. One being a road trip fic where Eddie falls for an older reader that I hope to finish one day, plus something for the Stranger Prompts list. Several of the prompts are used in this, but I wanted to keep them a secret. I wouldn't say this is a hurt/no comfort fic, but there will be a hint of that. It is a hopeful, star-crossed lovers story at its core.

------

After Eddie pumped a few bucks worth of gas into the tank, he couldn’t get across the parking lot to the payphone fast enough.  He was sure his heart would explode if he couldn’t talk to you again; the few hours of highway rolling out for an eternity. 

After punching the metal keypad, he secured a hand over his heart, waiting.  Just after the second ring, there you were with that voice he’d come to adore with every fiber of his being.

“Hey you,” his smile was so big it made his cheeks hurt. “It’s Eddie. Wanted to check in, you know, make sure you made it home okay.”

At the other end, butterflies exploded in your stomach.  “Hey there stranger,” you ached to reach out and hold him.  “I was hoping it would be you.”

He played with the metal cord attaching the receiver to the phone box, tucking his chin so that his next words were mumbled.  “What would you say if I told you I missed you already?”

He felt as if he no longer existed in this reality, as if time and space and whatever the hell else didn’t matter as long as he was connected to you somehow, as long as you were real.  The words kept bubbling up in his chest, and if he didn’t let them out and tell you how he felt, he might suffocate.  

You put down the stack of mail you were holding and sat on the nearby chair to calm your buzzing head.  “I’d say you got it bad for me, Munson.”

“I think you might be onto something there,” he chuckled, turning his head to make sure no one from the isolated gas station was lurking nearby.  “I wish I could kiss you right now.”

“I wish we could do more than that,” you said, grinning. 

“Glad I’m not the only one,” he pinched the front of his Megadeth shirt and brought it to his nose. “I’m never gonna wash this shirt ever again, just so you know.  It smells like you.”

“I almost kept it,” you started to doodle spirals on the pad in front of you with a red pen. 

“I would’ve let you,” he smirked, remembering the way you straddled him in nothing but that shirt in the back of his van for one final quickie before parting ways.  The feeling of being inside of you, that sense of completion and connection, would be his main masturbation fodder for the foreseeable future.  

Holy shit, he was crazy about you.

Having such intense feelings for someone after barely 24 hours of knowing them was not reasonable, he knew that, but he also didn’t care.  

He’d been on his way home from visiting his friend Ronnie when the storm hit, and some of the roads were blocked off due to flooding.  The rain crashed down all night, lightning cracked the sky, and all he could think of as your bodies writhed tangled and sweaty, was that he could die a happy man.  

He called Gareth that night, told him he wouldn’t make it to practice, and decided to slink into a dark bar for a beer.  There you were, looking all sorts of futuristic and out of place.  You had a device in your hand that resembled something out of Star Trek, but you said it didn’t work, that it was “dead” and you couldn’t find your “charger”.  You fascinated the fuck out of him.  He asked if you were an alien, and without missing a beat, you responded, “would that be a problem?”

Not at all, sweetheart.  Not. At. All.

“I kinda want to get in my car and race back to you,” you spoke softly.

Eddie tilted his head back and closed his eyes. “Man, that’s all I could think about the whole way was turning around. I feel like I left my heart on the road back there.”

“I’ll keep it safe,” you whispered, making his entire body shiver with longing.

“When can I see you again? I mean, when do you think…should I come to you or—”

The automatic operator’s voice cut him off, asking him to deposit 25 cents.

“Are you calling me from a payphone?” You sounded astonished.  “I didn’t even know those things existed anymore.”

“They’re all over the place, sweetheart,” he huffed, distracted with searching his denim pockets for change.  “Not all of us have strange little pocket calculator things we speak into.”

“I love an old school man.”

Hearing the word “love” roll off your tongue in relation to him made him want to reach out and take you in his arms so bad he could scream.  

“Hey, I left all my change in the van, this is going to cut me off, but I’ll call you when I get home, yeah?”

“Please do, I don’t care how late it is.”

“Okay I will, and also—”

But then the line went dead.

You pulled your iPhone away from your cheek and stared at the screen with a sad frown.  You hoped that one day he’d let you bring him up to speed with the age of technology.  Until then, you found it charming as fuck that he didn’t own a cellphone, and loved to act oblivious to anything involving computers. 

You had your cell charging on the countertop when one of your friends texted you a few minutes later, demanding the details of the mystery man who’d swept you off your feet in some dive bar out in the boonies.  

Usually, you avoided one night stands at all costs.  You had to care very deeply about someone in order to be intimate with them, and for some reason, you felt bonded to Eddie after the first hour.  It was thrilling, but also scary and uncomfortable all at once. 

“What happened to the dude you were supposed to meet there?” Your friend Tina asked.  “The one from the dating app?”

“Oh, he never showed,” you chuckled, thinking that you’d totally forgotten why you’d driven almost two hours away to another town in the first place. “But it was for the best.  If he hadn’t ghosted, I never would have met Eddie.”

“What was the name of the bar again?” She asked after you dished all of the details on your new crush.

“Wait, I think I have one of their matchbooks in my bag—” you dug around, finally holding it out in front of you.  “I guess it’s called The Upside Down? Never heard of it before, but the address was correct, I’m sure of it. My GPS was acting weird, so who knows.”

The bar hadn’t been updated since the 70’s, it seemed.  Wood paneling, sticky tables, peanut shells on the floor, and one of those vintage jukeboxes that played nothing but oldies.  Eddie remarked that it reminded him a lot of one of the bars he did gigs at with his band.

Corroded Coffin, you doodled the name down, reminding yourself to google it later. Eddie said he wasn’t on social media, and pretended not to know what it even was.  Just one more quirk of his that charmed you to death and made you smile to yourself.

You fell asleep on the couch that night with the phone on your chest, and woke up the next morning with a kink in your neck and a dry mouth.

Nothing from Eddie, not even a missed call.  

Maybe he got in late and didn’t want to wake you.  It was almost 9:00 in the morning when you tried the number he’d given you for his uncle’s place.  

The number had been disconnected or was no longer in service.  

Panic swelling in your throat, you scrolled back to the number of the payphone he’d called you from. 

Also not in service.

Glassy eyed, you sat up and stared at the wall for a long time.

Soon after, you wiped away frustrated tears and got on the internet to search.

“That can’t be right,” you whispered at the screen, looking at a photo of Corroded Coffin at a bar called The Hideout in 1985.  Eddie Munson, graduate of Hawkins High in 1986.

You swallowed thickly, shaking your head.

Zooming in on the few photos you found, you couldn’t help but notice the insane similarities between your Eddie, and 1980’s Eddie.  The one you knew was maybe a few years older, but that was definitely him.

Could it be a relative? No.

All of the odd conversations you’d had that night began to click together.  Had his perplexity with the idea of you carrying a phone been legit? You figured he was just being silly.  

There wasn’t much you could find about him, but one final news snippet caught your eye:

“....Hawkins native and Corroded Coffin frontman Eddie Munson has not been seen or heard from since the fall of ‘89 after leaving a cryptic note for his uncle, Wayne Munson.  “He had a bunch of letters he wanted me to pass out to his friends,” Wayne explained. “He said he hoped that he would be able to come back to Hawkins, but he wasn’t sure how it all “worked”. That he loved me, but he had to go and find someone.”

You gulped, tears rolling hot down your cheeks.

“He went back,” you sniffed, choking on a sob. “He went back to find me, he…”

You trailed off, looking up at the clock, and then over to your car keys on the table.

What if Eddie circled back to find you and you weren’t there? What if that bar you’d met at never even existed?

But Eddie, he was real, and he was coming for you.

You left a note too, texted Tina, and then you were on the road again.

Pedal to the metal into the gathering storm.  

—-

Thank you for reading, I love you.

#stranger prompts #stranger things fanfiction #Eddie Munson #eddie munson fanfic #Eddie Munson fluff #Eddie Munson smut #twilight zone inspired #Spotify

[appleblueberry-pie]

When Gojo asks why we won’t just be with him we tell him that he isn’t worth it 😔🫰

He isn’t worth the body or the history… I know a lot of people like to brag about having exes and body’s but that shit is so embarrassing to me 😭 like I feel like a whore because a boy kissed me in like middle school and he was a BOY. Boys are so gross omg-anyway-

Like why would I date you if we’re gonna break up? Get out of my face bro 😔

"....Is that what you became friends with me for? I'm not interested in dating you, Gojo."

Gojo never knew you were the type to reject people like him. He was everything you wanted in a man and he knew it. Money, extroverted, very fine, strong, tall, sexy, intelligent, all of the above. So....why did you say no to his confession? I repeat, HE CONFESSED and you rejected HIM. He couldn't help but accidentally voice his thoughts.

He leans back in surprised and scrunches his eyebrows at your response. "What?" You raise your eyebrows at his answer and continued eating the food he bought you at this expensive cafe that you now loved. ".....What? Never been rejected before?" You laughed at his response and kept eating. He wasn't gonna pressure you into dog shit, he could kiss ass. You did like his qualities. But with how the dating pool is currently, you wouldn't be surprised if he had three bitches lighting his phone up currently. You had zero hope in all men unless they don't use their phones at all and instead told you the worst jokes on planet in hopes of swooning you.

You would rather not date him. He was nice eye candy though. He gains his composure back and leans on the table. "Yeah, I have been, but I felt like we were both interested in each other, you know...?" You nod, understanding what he meant. "Yeah....sorry if it seemed like I was leading you on." He shakes his head, still incredibly butt hurt inside. "No, it's not your fault."

Why did you say no? He wants to ask desperately. Too many questions filled his mind at the possibilities. Were you lesbian and he was too stupid to realize? Was he not your type at all whatsoever? Was he too stuck up like Suguru said? He doesn't know. "Is it okay if I ask what made you say no?"

You shrug and look up in thought. "Well, it's not you, it's just....too much is happening right now. And I mean with everyone. Too many people are love-bombing each other, there's no genuine connection ever, then there's 'situationships', and a looot of people my age don't have patience for long-term relationships and it's just....i feel like- ugh i guess I'll say it. But I feel like you're the perfect person to have all of those qualities. You're very attractive, Satoru, so....I don't know if I'm ready to trust you enough not to put those labels on your head. It's dumb, but yeah. And I do too much with relationships. I put too much time and energy into the person I'm with, and i hate doing that knowing that there are so many people who've just neglected my needs in return. Basically, I love trauma."

Satoru watched you the entire time you spoke, so you found it hard to continue speaking, but you managed to push through. "Fuck them." You roll your eyes and he takes one of your fries, eating them. "I'm serious. I can give you everything you want and need y/n. I wouldn't ask you out if I didn't have a major attraction and connection to you."

You didn't look impressed, but he was determined. "I agree with you. None of the girls I tried to date just wanted me for sex. I know you would treat me better than that. And I would be willing to give you the love and respect you deserve. I get....I don't want to say this, but I get really happy at the thought of being able to provide for you. All I want is you. And it's okay if you don't want me now."

He takes a piece of your cake and eats it without your permission. "I'm willing to wait."

I'm sorry I took forever with this omg. This is the start of many. I might do like 6 more tomorrow. I need sleep.

#reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojo x reader #slight yandere lol

[mewogrl]

ʜᴇᴀᴠʏ ᴄʜᴇꜱᴛ✧.*

bestfriend!megumi x f!reader

megumi miscommunicates his feelings to 'cure' his heavy chest.

↳˳;; ❝ part of my jealous? me? never! fic, masterlist here ᵕ̈೫˚∗

content: angst, miscommunication, implied relationship, readers pronouns are she/her, toge being a jerk, smau briefly, a few weeks after

wc: 1k

an: currently on the school bus 4 a trip nd writing this out 😭 kinda rushed, pls don't come at me

﹋﹋

megumi slogs into the school, giving a nasty look to anyone who isn't you. especially when he see's inumaki.

megumi doesn't know what hurts him more, the fact that his ex-bestfriend is choosing to try and win over his bestfriend that inumaki knows he likes, or the fact that your choosing to be friends with inumaki rather than just hearing him out on this one.

he decides before lunch would be the best time to discuss it with you and he shoots you a text.

﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋

﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋

you left him on seen, which was unusual of you but he assumed it was because of the little arguments you guys had the previous few weeks.

he wasn't mad you had decided to rule out being friends with him for yourself, he understood, but he was still hurt a decent amount considering you guys had been friends for 15 years.

megumi came out of his trance and his heart started to race when he saw your little '...' bubble pop up.

all the hope quickly left him and his heart sank when it disappeared. megumi was disappointed. he had prayed that you would still show up so he can truly express his heavy feelings about this situation to you.

﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋

it was 30 minutes before lunch and megumi clutched his phone in his clammy hand as he jogged to the meeting location.

he was praying this wasn't for nothing and that you would actually show. 5 minutes pass, then 10. he was slowly loosing hope that you would actually show.

all of a sudden, he saw you shuffle up to the tree out of the corner of his eye. he didn't wanna show it but he was happy. happy that you showed. happy that you cared.

"hi megumi." you say, shyly. he worries, why are you shy around him? you're never shy near him, and you never should be.

"hi y/n," megumi answered. he tries to add on to his sentence with his reason of bringing you here but you cuts him off.

"listen, i know its really soon but, i think i like toge. and he told me that you guys are bestfriends so i thought you could help me out. you know, since you and him are bestfriends and so are we," you confess.

megumi feels his heart sink all the way down to the core of the earth. you like toge. you like toge and not megumi. out of all the people that like megumi, you are not one of them. toge has now gotten you officially wrapped around his finger and there was nothing in the universe megumi could do about it besides wait.

he blinks away the few tears threatening to fall out of his tear ducts at any given moment and stutters.

"oh, y/n," i continue, "that's.. great. i'm so happy for you. you guys are gonna be so cute together..!" he lies out of his teeth.

he was praying all this time that maybe, just maybe, he could revamp this relationship he had made with you and finally confess his feelings that he's had pent up for years but now that chance has faltered.

you don't catch onto the little big lie megumi had told and continue.

"thank you, gumi! i'm so happy you understand. you know what's funny," you pause for a few seconds of silence, "i actually thought you and me would get together!"

megumi was sure he was absolutely sobbing his eyes out by now.

"i had liked you and i was sure you liked me but after these few weeks, i told myself to move on because i could tell by the way you were acting towards me and shit that you hadn't liked me.." concluded y/n.

megumi was about to go batshit insane. you had liked him, and you hadn't said anything to him. megumi didn't wanna lash out at you so he chose to go for the better option and ditch this whole talking-things-out plan all together.

"oh! haha.." he fakes, "that's funny y/n. what's the ti- oh shitt! i have to um, go somewhere. b-bye now, y/n." he lies with a scarily convincing fake smile.

you noticed he hadn't been using the little nickname he had given you after you gave him the nickname 'gumi' but you shrugged it off.

megumi was so fucking dumbfounded. why wouldn't you just say something to him? it was so clear as day that he had liked you! he made it so obvious and he even had yuji help him out on making it even more obvious!

megumi ran out of the school, leaving a trail of tear drops soak up little spots on the floors behind him.

he stops to take a breather. meanwhile. you pace as you head to lunch.

you let your mind wonder about megumi. why was he acting so weird? did something happen? why did he run off so quick? did he wanna ask me something?

you decided on stopping your stupid mindset and just hurrying up to lunch as fast as possible. you knew toge was probably waiting for you, and you were (almost) positive megumi was a-ok.

once you get your lunch, you head over to the table at which you and toge both sit at. you see toge waiting for you to eat his meal and quickly advance over to the table.

"hi toge!" you speak, excited. he flashes a cute smile as you and responds.

"hey y/n/n!"

you completely forget about the whole weird interaction with megumi and continue to chat with toge but megumi doesn't let his mind rest from you.

he can't stop thinking about you and how to stop you from liking toge and to like him. he knows there has to be some way and that he can finally, hopefully, get you to see that he does love you.

he plots on finally discussing the whole thing and maybe asking you out. that part is still in the works though. he's not sure if now is the right time.

he wipes off his tears and takes a deep inhale, hoping to get you back.

@1l-ynn @theweirdfloatything @morideadcat

#mewogrl #fanfic #jjk x reader #mewogrlwrites! #fic #jjk megumi #fic recs #megumi x y/n #megumi x you #megumi x reader #megumi jjk #megumi fushiguro #jjk fics #jjk fluff #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jjk fanfic #i love this lil gummi bear chat #ew that was so cringe #never again #im so bad at writing #yes #that is my real lockscreen #nobara #yuji #toge #jjk #itadori #yuji itadori #jjk trio #jjk anime

[isa-ghost]

cranboo and phil hcs maybe..........

God where do I start with this. /pos

qPhil headcanons masterlist

I know exactly where. *Slams my fist on the desk.* ENDER KING POSSESSION AND ENDER WALK. Being manipulated by a [perceived?] higher being without their consent and to some degree without their knowledge. Doing things they'd never do in their right minds, hurting people they'd never hurt. Becoming cold and self-centered while controlled. Being terrified of how they can barely if at all control themselves.

Phil misses that kid a lot, actually. He was trying his best, and he can relate to just wanting to settle and belong somewhere while trying to put personal demons to rest or at least escape them. He's glad he could pass on some wisdom and give him a sanctuary while he tried to heal and move on.

He wishes he could've taught Ranboo how to not feel so guilty about things. And to have less shame. He started, but feels like he didn't make a lot of progress.

He hopes he'll cross paths with Ranboo again some day. He'd love to see how his Ender abilities have developed, how he's changed and matured, and same with Michael if he has the kid with him. Sometimes it makes him too aware of his immortality, but he does enjoy seeing how people he knew years ago have grown.

He had mixed feelings about Michael_Beloved. He certainly wasn't gonna hurt him whatsoever though, that's for sure. He enjoyed watching Techno's reactions to the kid.

He can't lie to himself, he was honestly kinda looking for some of the same weird quirks popping up while Ender King was possessing him as the ones he knew Ranboo was developing. He's SO grateful he didn't develop the weakness to water (*laughs in amfmn*)

To this day he wonders what Ranboo was doing with those water bottles he asked him to get. He's a bit concerned, but it's none of his business. 🤷🏼‍♂️

I'm not sure what they would've bonded over, if anything, pre-Syndicate, but they Were neighbors in New L'Manberg for a while. Phil really did enjoy it, he just had no interest in the government part. Living in NL was temporary while he got his bearings in this new realm (and recovered from the fresh trauma).

Consider it because he's a people pleaser if you want, but Ranboo was always really good at helping tend to Phil's fucked up wings. And as rich as he was, he always seemed to have health potions or a gapple or something on hand for Phil to have if he was having a bad pain day. That kindness has never left Phil's mind, and sometimes Quesadilla Island residents reminded him of it.

CURSE THOSE DAMN 2X1 RANBOO MINES THAT WENT ON FOREVER, HE STILL DREADS SEEING TUNNELS LIKE THAT TO THIS DAY.

He would've fucking loved to watch Ranboo fruit it up on Quesadilla Island. Sometimes he imagines how he'd react to seeing Phil fruiting it up and it makes him laugh. Tbf on Ranboo's part, to him Phil would've gone from "I have a wife who's a goddess and I don't need anyone else" to "This is my wife, my husband, my fuckbuddy, his boyfriend, my other fuckbuddy–"

Consider: Because Ranboo ended up in the Nether with Michael, Blaze Empress eventually tells Phil she's located them. It may not be HER Nether, but after QI, her and Rose are kinda like "fuck it, we ball" now. Especially because they wanna make sure Ender King isn't being a bitch in some other realm. They'll beat his ass together in every universe. Anyway: Phil hears she's found Ran and they become pen pals via Blaze.

I think Phil being possessed by Ender King with Ranboo's filthy rich ass in walking distance of his house would've been really fucking funny.

The two of them were so shit at referring to themselves as their Syndicate code names. And because of the way things played out, they never had the time to get used to using them at all. To this day they hear those names and just start laughing like idiots.

Tbh if they were to cross paths again now, Phil would be way more likely to be a "bad" influence on Ranboo. Fuck it we Bolas. (I am eating the concept of Ranboo picking up on Phil seeming,, wilder than the last time they met).

#qsmp #dsmp #q!philza #qsmp philza #philza #dsmp ranboo #ranboo #c!ranboo #promise duo #<- apparently thats their name? #qphil headcanons #c!philza #dsmp philza

[jrueships]

https://twitter.com/danfetes/status/1712166167572361344

josh says people saying stuff about stef ticks him off 😭 that's the meanest he'll ever get off the field 😭

that was kinda... 😏😏😏

and i definitely know stef feels the same... 😏

" tired of hearing all this nonsense... lot of guys in this league that have that same fire that don't get talked about, but--"

" frankly that kind of ticks me off when people wanna say stuff about him, but... we'll keep that all internal here 🙂🙃🫥."

this is allen at his boiling point omg 😭😭 held back by pr

#reporter: we talked to josh and we asked him a question about y- #stef smirks in Yeah. I Bet You Did. Bitch.😎 we're a two packaged deal. inseparable 😎 (insufferable) im his right hand man. his silly rab- #the sassy pose and the fond smile. theyre so untouchable dramatic ass top of the foodchain powercouple it's Unreal. #WHERE IS THE RPF!?!??!?!???? #josh and allen sooooo fucked after this #fucked HARRRRD bro fucked HARD #and they were both soo ready for it like you cant tell me they didnt fuck nasty after this HELLO #we cant always bet on them winning but the fuck nasty is surely guranteed #diggs had the bed all set up with romantic candlelight and roses and josh hurdled over all that shit just to hold him in his arms #josh caught on fire a little bit but diggs patted the flames down before he could notice #all the snow piled up around their home in buffalo could not muffle the 'youre my qb.. ure my qb' pants& moans which shake those very walls #josh '🙃🙃' the hell outta this interview #he said YOU may not understand diggs horrors but **I** DO!!@@! **I** UNDERSTAND. I GET THEM. #the frustration of seeing everyone hate on his husband when he knows all of that pales in how much stef hates himself #AND THAT MAKES JOSHS LITTLE STUNNED FACE ALL THE MORE SAD LIKE. HES SO HURT FOR STEF. #AND HE JUST KNOWS. he KNOWS the public is gonna spin this horribly. make stef the diva they always degrade him as #josh has CONSTANTLY with like a bear pacing around the cracked glass enclosure barely disguised rage #defended stef from misinterpretation and disdained the diva drama so vehemently #so everytime josh messes up or stef messes up or they lose all josh is thinking and feeling is 'im fucking this up for him even more #i dont care if theyre gonna be mad at me. diggs is hurting. somehow some way. diggs is gonna get Hurt. #and i cant do anything but talk. and i cant even do that well. #it's all my fault i cant do anything im so stupid im so stupid' #saint bernard song 1 hour #that single wide eyed stare he gives his wr bcs all he can do is stare as stef's pain surges #it's not fear of stef as the media tries to portray for qbwr tension. it's fear For stef. #he knows theres hurt. and he knows theres gonna be even more hurting. and. the nail. he knows he cant do anything to help it from stopping #'why couldnt i throw better. i need to just run it to lessen the chances. i need to do something. i need to be better. i have to be better' #meanwhile diggs could care less abt what everyone else thinks about him. he just cares abt how josh thinks. about josh #stef wants to perform well so josh can actually feel well. be able to express anything he wants without worry or treading #diggs/allen

[basofy]

those last words ouch ouch ouch

#this was very liked on twitter so am gonna put it here now #i think out of everyone rage is the one that hurts me most #he tells you the worst shit and then he starts sobbing dramatically bruh your going through every emotion right there #i would hug him.. #my stuff #lisa the painful #rage ironhead #brad armstrong #lisa rpg #also it hurts me sm cuz he seems so attached to brad shit's so sad #that one theory that he's only saying this to make brad not feel guilty about killing him fucks me up #lisa ramblings

[stillcominback]

𝚆𝙴𝙻𝙻, 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚅𝙴𝚁𝙳𝙸𝙲𝚃'𝚂 𝙸𝙽: as a lot of you may know by know [ if you've caught any of my previous posts about it ], i'm moving with my parents back to california from texas -- where i've been for about 30 years -- because overall? it'll be good for me. i'm sick of texas for the most part, i literally can't afford to live on my own [ and honestly? i like being near my parents and would just have more security and better quality of life in CA ], and i just think sometimes a change is good!

i've been waiting to see if my job will let me keep my job [ and continue to pay me dirt, even! ] ... all i was asking is that i can live in california and work remote. well, the owner has decided he will not allow me to do that. is there a good reason? in my opinion: no. he's framing it [ in his conservative white man rich business owner brain ] that I'M the one making the choice to move because i could apparently just as easily stay in texas and get my own place etc etc etc. so it's on me! unfortunately, it's just not that simple, but i guess from a guy who runs a family business and has multiple homes, it's just hard to really grasp that concept.

i'm literally so furious and so heartbroken at the same time. i know it's not the best company, and yeah i guess, we can say this is for the best in the end? but that doesn't make it hurt less. i've been there for almost 11 fucking years. my ENTIRE career out of college. through ups and downs, i was always working my ass off and being a great employee ... shining reviews and reputation with literally everyone. it just hurts that that ultimately means nothing when i'm finally asking for something in return. i take the poverty wages, take the working in the office when i hate it for the most part, i've taken having to hear misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic, every-phobic thing over the years ... then i ask for ONE thing in 11 years [ that's literally not even a big ask ] and it's a ✨no✨.

i feel so lost. like i don't even know how to be without this job, and as much as people tell me YOU'RE SO TALENTED! YOU'RE SO GREAT! YOU'LL FIND SOMETHING SOOOO MUCH BETTER! i wanna believe it, but my brain just ... doesn't. maybe it's imposter syndrome or just how fucking down on myself i feel right now. i still appreciate it because i literally don't know what i would do without my friends and family's support right now like ... even if i can't see it for myself, it means the literal world to me.

plus sides [ i guess ]: i should be able to keep my laptop [ but i'll lose adobe cc so ... i may need some recs or help on how to at least get photoshop cause idk how i'll carry on without it lmao ]; my manager who is a literal saint and one of the best people i know [ she actually pissed the owner off going to the mat for me lmao "he doesn't like to be questioned" ... insert the biggest eye-roll of my life ] ... but she said she would help me with literally everything from linkedin to my resume to a portfolio, and i know that'll be like everything to me while i just .... try to navigate all of this ON TOP OF trying to move.

ALSO: i think i can work until i leave, if that's what i want to do ... i'm still trying to figure all of this out because honestly? even though it's not much? i need the money. but then i'm also like i don't wanna do the owner any favors by having me work while they maybe start putting out feelers to replace me, yknow? BUT THEN AGAIN, i'm hurting my boss more than him [ and that's the twisted, frustrated thing about all of this ... it hurts us way more than it does anything to him but he still gets to make the choice for us ]. SO! i dunno! i may just use all my PTO and see how far that gets me lmao but i feel like at the end of the day, i have to look out for myself and maybe just trying to pull in as many paychecks as i can [ since we also don't have a hard 'we're moving!' date at the moment ] is the best idea ... even if the idea of going into the office and acting normal like literally makes me so ... 😤 but i dunno! my brain is a mess! afjhksdfda

SO YEAH. i just wanted to update you guys because i do consider you friends. whether we talk a little or a lot, i appreciate all of you so much and just wanted to keep folks in the loop with where my life and my head's at right now. not the best but ... just trying to keep it moving. honestly nooooo clue when writing is gonna happen here again??? i do miss / enjoy the distraction of plotting and talking about all this stuff so don't be shy, i just don't know when i'll have the time or capacity to just write here [ maybe once we move and stuff settles a little bit? ] -- but yeah, in the meantime, please come chat with me, let's plot dynamics and all that shit because it still makes me so happy and lets me take my mind on a little vacation lmao love you all, truly! ❤️

#** reblogging on some of my blogs to pass it around but! applies across the board: you can find most of my blogs in my pinned post here! ** #been on and off crying since like 4PM yesterday so it's been a ride lemme tell ya! #nothing like feeling like you wasted over a decade of your life at a job that never really cared about you #like MY boss does but stupidly she doesn't get to make all the decisions for HER own team #even though the owner is barely present and doesn't really know anything about us or the day to day so ... very cool of him #to make big decisions that can hurt a lot of people (and don't affect him one bit either way) #he just really doesn't seem to give a shit at all that it makes our lives so much harder for NO reason #it's just that he literally doesn't “like” remote working and doesn't want to set some kind of company-wide precedent #even tho i'm like moving isn't THAT easy lmao people aren't all just gonna mass exodus out my guy #(also we have a C-level employee who lives / works from new york but ... apparently that's SUUUUPER different because she lived there when #she was hired ........ *stares into camera*) #anyway!!! i'm just really frustrated and hurt and fucking terrified #and i appreciate literally anyone who bothered to read all this! lmao #i'll be around on mobile as per usual ❤️❤️❤️ #00. // OUT OF AMMO ( OOC POST. )

[crimeronan]

Holy shit yeah I forgot the last time Hunter left her alone at the castle was when Belos…

Actually, what was going on through Hunter’s mind when both he and Amity heard from the guard that something had happened to the princess? Did he really think she died? What were the worst case scenarios running through his mind?

he honest-to-god thought that belos had killed luz. or seriously injured her At The Very Least.

the thought process is like:

okay, everyone's outside the emperor's chambers. luz would have been having a private lesson/conference with him. luz has been going to pieces for Months and won't tell you why except it's very clear it has to do with the emperor which sucks because the one thing you're good for is keeping him from hurting her.

you know the emperor has a temper and loses control sometimes. you know that luz doesn't know how to manage his temper the same way you do. you know that luz is stubborn and independent and doesn't really understand what he's capable of (it's your fault) (it's all your fault) (you should have warned her) (you should have been here) (you should have killed him) (you are GOING to kill him)

something serious enough for people to gather outside of belos's private space waiting for news... that's not a normal loss of control for belos. the emperor is good at keeping his violence a secret.

hunter thinks luz is dead. and if she isn't then she needs him Immediately.

#replies #toh #princess luz au #princess luz au meta #horrible mindscape trauma pals #hunter toh #he feels UNBELIEVABLY guilty and sick about having gone anywhere else. feels like he should have known not to leave #and then once he knows luz is alive he's just confused and hurt and guilty over the fact that she handled it alone instead of trusting him #amity telling him 'i'm not the one who wasn't there' wasn't just pressing on a wound it was digging her fingers in to the knuckle #which is why hunter responds in kind. by being like if you're gonna give me shit about how i'm living my worst nightmare #i can make your nightmares come true too. Don't Fucking Test Me. #mmm. mess.

[todayisafridaynight]

oh thank fuck tumblrs back i was beginning to go into inbox harassment withdrawal

anyways do you think aoki would prefer it in the boyp or the back door? asking for a friend /miku/

can you go five minutes without sending boyp

into my PUBLIC INBOX

#nsff #like actually i sit and think about this for too long #snap chats #anyway. question for the scholars honestly... :miku: #i feel like hed just bitch about it hurting if you went through the back whether there was prep or not but... :miku: #why cant the miku emote be universal its so good... #i was about to tell the biggest lie of my life and say he doesnt like to be roughed up but i know he likes taunting people :miku: #he literally beggin people to swing at him he loves getting people pissed i cant hes such a FREAK #god maybe he would prefer ....... :miku: #can i be focused. no. #anyway Final Answer im gonna say backdoor. if not so he could fuck himself During and tell Whoever theyre doing a terrible job #just so he could goad them into being rougher :miku: sorry whoever reads these and is. NORMAL. :miku: #made me sit here and wonder this typa shit for TOO LONG

[syxnewt]

my parents want my little brother, who has had a fever no lower than 100 F for the past 2-3 days, to go to school tomorrow

#status update #i'm gonna try and tell them why that's stupid #they took him to the doctor but the doc just said he had a cold #well I'm concerned with how badly his body is fighting it off!!! #plus they didn't give him any medicine all day #i gave him some before I left for work and after I got home #his fever is still 102 #i don't understand their thought process whatsoever #like yeah school is imoortant but so is #A: not spreading illness!!!!!! #B: actually being able to focus in class because you feel good and not like shit #he even said that he'll probably be sent home anyway BECAUSE HE'S SICK #the issue I think is mainly he doesn't have a lot of symptoms #he said his throat felt “gummy” which no one - not even himself - can make heads or tails of #his stomach hurts and he threw up pretty recently #and his vision dimmed a few times but my mom doesn't really believe that one #I tried looking up the symptoms but it just said “eat a turkey sandwich” so thanks for that google #I don't know #i'm just worried about him #and I think it's stupid my parents want him to go to school when even by their standards he has such a bad fever #by the standards bit I mean they consider 100 F to be “low grade” even though 104 is danger territory #and that's just a hop skip and a jump away #AND ALSO HE IS LITERALLY ON THE PRECIPICE OF THAT RIGHT NOW #AND THEY DIDNT GIVE HIM ANY TYLENOL #he was home all day what did they even do #they also didn't give him medicine yesterday until I got home from my ap test #OKAY I'm done ranting I'll be here all night if I keep it up

[skrunksthatwunk]

yeah i can't come to class today, sorry. yeah. yeah. it's cause my hair's too long. mhm. gonna put me out of commission til the weekend at least

#fuck it's too long it's too long it's too long hate hate hate hate hate kill kill kill #i am resisting the urge to cut it all off with scissors but just barely #i havent been able to go home lately and my clippers are there. fUCKK #ITS TOO LONG SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE #i cant stop thinking about shaving my head again or at least cutting it short #it's summer i should have short hair summer is for short hair FUCKK THIS IS WEIRD #i feel like a sad stonermetal mushroom. in middle school. and NOT in a cool way if that wasnt clear!! #hhhhhhhhgnnnghfhn fuckk i feel so gross and weird #i didnt even do anything why are my spoons gone FUCKK. SHITITTTUJ DAMMIT #this is so dumb i literally skipped my second class for no reason and i have so mucj work but i didnt even do anything #i shoudktn be this out ofnit. euhhhhhghh #and i have a new friend and he really really wants to hang out and i dont hav.e the spoons #but i feel so bad.. and i have other ppl i wanna hang out with but i cant bring nyself to readh out #and even if they reached ouy i probably wouldnt be able to respond and i have to go see a show thid week too #bc theyre doing into the woods and i love that shit and i promised id go ans ive been lookign forward to it for months #but i cant. bwuhhhhhhhhghhhh #and i cant just tell the new friend i don't wanna hang out twice this week (one is the play) bc i blew him off all last week #i really dont wanna hurt his feelings but i really can't communicate like he wants me to. and ive kinda said that but still #mmmmmmnnnnuguhghh hes only doing it bc i mean a lot to him but it's moving so fast ans I can't really be there forbhim the way he probably #deserves.. i should probably eat skmething idk. eughhhhhhhhgghhghhggh. melting into a pile of slop and slurry rn #just gonna sink into my bed and not sleep and feel bad. hoorayy

[aemiron-main]

Henry- why so many candles? Like seriously, there’s already a lightbulb in there but he’s got a metric fuckton of candles…. henry… were you afraid of the dark??? was it cold in the attic so you used the candles for warmth?? especially since every time we see him in the attic, he’s wearing a sweater or a sweatervest:

#stranger things #byler #henry creel analysis #st set design #the duality of man: I want to kill older Henry with my own two hands for what he did to will etc #but Henry as a kid? that’s my son. the creels should have let me raise him. so much suffering could have been avoided if they weren’t such #shit parents (ESPECIALLY staring at you virginia). #older Henry/Vecna era Henry? i feel a primal rage towards him and cannot wait to see him explode in s5 #but kid henry?? that’s my little guy. I’m giving him a blanket & some new art supplies. and some emotional support #me when dart canonically has had more loving words spoken to him on screen than henry has as a kid #dart. canonically had. more friends than Henry did as a kid. Dustin was dart’s friend. that’s 1 which is still more than henry #and will tells dart that he’s not gonna hurt him and Dustin feeds him nougat and smiles at him like THATS MORE AFFECTIOM THAN HENRY GOT IN #HIS WHOLE CHILDHOOD. ARGH. giving him some nougat as we speak #st costuming #henry creel costuming

[elytrafemme]

call the hairdresser and call the mediator because the way i'm splitting to the fucking ends right now

#babes i'm so sorry about it i'm SO sorry about it but i don't think we can blame this one on the period craziness anymore #i've not even been that mentally ill lately but my friend said we like can't hang out before he goes back to school #AND my sister doesn't want to hang out tn and i'm genuinely like? i'm going to break my fucking phone #like okay i'll just kill myself. whatever. i'm becoming super fucking toxic it's really bad #obviously i don't say this shit this is internal i'm not gonna push for anything that's super fucked #but like. ohhhh my God the rage i'm feeling right now. i need to kill someone #literally why am i like this. no explanation no anything i'm just like this? who fucked me over though like what happened #what's my tragic backstory i've got nothing i'm literally just crazy #he's not even answering my fucking texts anymore like tell me to die. pussy. do it. do it! fuck w me right now #and i was so nice i literally was like. hey no worries how's your summer been what's been going on! #i'm watching more youtube within the last 10 minutes of checking my phone i've almost thrown up and thrown it twice #do you think people try to fuck me over. do you think that's a thing. like they're testing me #if you showed me some of my old online friends right now the way i would rip them into pieces #my girlfriend's been pissed lately too like it's my two best friends riding for me and nobody else #oh he replied fucking great. shooting myself in the head i'm so manic pixie for this i'm so fixing him right now #i'm not he's got a girlfriend. but like. whatever. could've been me & i think about that when i'm mad #i do not like him but me and her are literally the exact same she's just prettier and smarter and i'm more of a good person #not right now though. i need to loop someone gets hurt from mean girls until i'm fucking normal #neg #vent #suicide tw

[homosexualmorelikehomiesexual]

fucj fuck fuckety fuck

#goddAMNIT why did i have to name myself after an estranged family member #i dont even know himmmbbbb but we have to attend a funeral and hes gonna b there #and idk if my moms gonna be a bitch and tell him i NAMED MYSELF AFTER HIM #i don't even like the name anymore but i havent told her im changing it again bc she didnt respect the first one so whats the point #but now im caught btwn a rock and a hard place either i ADMIT i naamed myself after him and theyre all awww #and then it makes it even harder to go no contact later bc they feel entitled to a presence in my life #or i tell him NO which hurts his feelings is incredibly awkward and turns down potentially the ONE TIME MY MOM DOESNT DEADNAME ME #AND i have to either ask to be deadnamed which id rather kms than do. or tell them my actual new name which my mom. doesnt know #most likely scenario she isnt gonna say anything and im just gonna be relentlessly deadnamed #i just. wont b able to do anything about it bc its HIS NAME #god what was i THINKING #plus its a fucking funeral so theyre gonna want me to wear a dress. and i dont. have decent formal menswear so i cant even say no #FUCK fucking hell #i love being trans i really do but this shit. this shit sucks #finnposting #tag vent #personal

[fortunatefool]

Not to date myself but sometimes in the middle of a crisis u get to hear Pursuit of Happiness (Nightmare) by Kid Cudi featuring MGMT and Ratatat, Steve Aoki Remix and feel joy for the first time in a week and a half

#my stuff #its the little things ig #idc if the lyrics are depressing it makes me wild out and i love it #my ex robbed me and i kicked him back to his apt 1.5 weeks ago #and apparently he didnt know we broke up (i didnt block him i had his cat and still have his stuff) #so i think im giving him a lot of fucking grace for stealing a paycheck 2 weeks worth of work for his drug habits when im going hungry rn #i sent him this long heartfelt text using my therapy communication skills to clearly outline that we are not dating anymore #and he just doesnt accept??? he keeps saying we have to work thru this and the drugs did it not him blah blah blah #like dude ive seen my own mother suck dick on the living room couch so she could buy another 8 ball and not give me lunch 😑 #tf makes u think im gonna put up with that shit now????? dumbass #i keep waking up sad and weepy still but i just tell everyone i know abt what he did and they tell me im better than that and i feel better #i told 1 patient at work shes my fave. little old korean lady. she brings us a bag of fruits every week and is so fun to talk to #when she ices afterwards she asks for extra time and we chat a lot about our lives. she was so sad for me and kept telling me #that im so pretty and so nice and men will take advantage babygirl im so sorry that happened to you!!! 😭 i told her im fine now #and told her how im seeing my family more again and doing whatever i feel like whenever i want and looking towards my future and she relaxed #but that ones going to stick in my head the most. if i took him back id be letting her down. i almost cracked today like a spineless coward #but hearing her seem so hurt for me and say that i didnt deserve it felt so genuine. ill miss her #i took my last dab today guys no more until i ged paid 2 more times but as you can see by the tags getting away from me #it was a good fucking dab lol

[valpuduzz]

god im supposed to be working on a project but i think this is a venty kind of night. i dont feel good at all. im sorry (anything suicidal that im mentioning isnt meant to be taken seriously btw, im just going through it)

#the meowing of a cat 🐱 #vent #i dont think i want to go to DC anymore for the con. but i also dont want to go to mexico. and i rlly dont want a job #i dont want to hang out with anyone i dont want to see anyone i want to be left alone. i want to rot in my room #i just wanna shrivel up and die and i want to kill myself #i really really want to kill myself #i really really really want to kill myself #it's really hard to cry. i feel empty and on edge and like ive been put into this earth to suffer and yet i cant cry #and oh yeah here we go. crush problems once again. im sorry my dear mutuals #i love him so much i love him i love him but. i have no right to love him. i wish my feelings never latched on to him like this #i barely talk to him except when we voice call in the server im in. i dont have the right to love him like this #i kinda just wish he could straight up just tell me he hates me so i could finally have peace of mind. #i wish i knew how to talk to him. i wish i wish i wish. but i cant. because my desperation is so obvious and i'll come off as a creep #the last thing i want to do is make him uncomfortable #i think what hurts the most is that no matter how many times i tell him he's my friend and that i love him he wont know #the extent of my feelings for him. im jealous of his close friends because i know i'll never be close or special to him #because i dont know how #i already told him how i felt a while ago in march. and you cant confess to someone again #one time is okay. two times is being much too forceful and desperate #ive been trying so so so so fucking hard to get over these feelings. he's just a fucking crush ive only know for like three months #and yet it fucking hurts so fucking bad i fucking hate it i hate that my brain has put aside the friends who actually care about me #for a crush who even though is a dear friend of mine isnt as close to me as the other people in my life #genuinely think i should kill myself for this and im not lying #i hate this so much i hate that ive been abandoning my friends for him. but i love him so much i love him so fucking much #and i cant just randomly say that out of nowhere because he's gonna know im still in love with him and he'll hate me for forcing him #my biggest fear is he forces himself to like me back. i'd never forgive myself #im so sorry to my friends but this crush shit has taken over my mind and it's not good and it's toxic and i hate it #i wish i had an excuse to leave his life but that would mean he'd think he did nothing wrong when he did nothing to me #the only person to blame in this situation is me myself and i #fuck i reached tag limit OOPS