#but i’ve been having dreams about them too and it’s frustrating me. like the universe is trying beyond all measure to push us back together

[silvershiningtarot]

💭♥️😘PAC 18+ What are their thoughts when they dream about you?

*Take what resonate and take a five second to breathe and don’t just look at the pretty pictures. Trust your intuition.Reblog and comment. ENJOY! 💋😊♥️*

Pile1:

• When they dream about you, the first thing that goes through their mind is that you have mother issues or you don’t get along with your mother like that. I heard them say “I wanna keep you safe.” They think that you could be the one for them, you might be their high vibe soulmate. You two are highly connected to each other. They think that you and them will have awesome chemistry together especially when they are dreaming about you. I heard that they’ve been dreaming about you, they’ll never wanna get out of their dream when they are dreaming about you. Haha 😂 They'll wanna marry you in their dream, So will you marry them? Getting on one knee just pops the question, they think that you are their wife or husband. You can be their mentor or they are your mentor when they are dreaming. Helping you with your issues with your mother for some of you. They think you are childlike, so kiddish you are, seeing themselves having so much fun with you. You probably are goofy, have a goofy personality, probably an extrovert. Probably loves to play video games or watch Disney movies and do the dance moves or sing along. Haha I can see them enjoying that with you. I heard them again “You bring out the kid in me.” They think that you are their beloved, their queen or king and their goddess or god. I can see them being your biggest fans. They want you to keep an open mind to them or they wanna keep an open mind about you. I heard that they’re searching for you in everybody else. You should let go of control, if you are a control freak then you should let go of control. Can’t control every situation or anything just flow. That’s what they think about you when they are dreaming, especially in dreams let the dreams unfold to you. I heard that they wanna come to you but some of y’all minds are too busy and you shoving them away, it’s not your fault because I understand some of us have busy life or stressed out 😰. I believe that your FS is sending you signs about these red flags 🚩 in your dreams and they wanna send them to you but I believe some of you is pushing them away. That’s why it’s saying let your friends, family or someone help you. I heard them say to you in their dreams “You are so guard, let me in let me in.” I think that some of you should listen to that song by Miley Cyrus Wrecking Ball. In their mind they believe that you are the one for them, this could be the one for me. If you have supportive friends or family for some of you, let them help you. Most of you if you have supportive family or friends if it none then let the universe take control.

Channel Message: “Baby listen to me, I’ve admired you so much. It’s like I can’t explain how much I wanna tell you that I love you, when I dream about you it’s like my whole world exists again. It’s been foggy 😶‍🌫️ in my life it’s like can’t see shit until I saw you. I miss coming to your dreams. Do you miss me? I fucking do. I am coming towards you soon, I’ve been social media fronting maybe I am or kinda I’m sorry I’ve been going through a lot of bullshit left to right, I need see your face, you give those butterflies 🦋 in my stomach. You my heaven to my hell. I’m going through hell now, I’m frustrated, I'm sorry I wanna vent to you real quick. Whenever your ear ringing manifest me or manifest your Twin flame, Woah 🤯 I can’t believe that came out my mouth. Baby if you are my Twin Flame then manifest me come in believe baby! Believe. Think positive anyways. Our past life repeats over and over again. Ugh!! No!. Tie Me Up babe get that frustrated out of me, I want you to be my Shawty!! Please , Do you like it when I beg for you?🤤🤤 Mmm 😋 thinking of you being pregnant fucking turns me on hard. Sloppy Toppy on me 🤤 I wanna go deep in you hard you bring that fire 🔥 in me fucking you hard hard!. Rough sex you until you are out of breath, I want your nails on my back. Okay I’m sorry I can’t control myself when I talk about you … Mmm 😋 Juicy you are. We were Past Life Opps but I don’t give fuck if we were enemies before you ain’t my enemy anymore, so let me be your boyfriend, you got any sexy nicknames for me, cuz I got plenty in my mind if you wanna know. Here’s a song I wanna do with you.”

Pile2:

• The thoughts about you when they are dreaming of you. Is that you are their Romantic 💘 soulmate, you are their best friend, they trust you and they can tell you anything. You understand them and they understand you. It’s like you two get along in the dream with them. They think that you are an entertainer, probably some of you dances, do comedy or just a bomb ass performer. Again!! They think that you are their soul teacher, you can be their mentor for some of you or most of you they are your mentor. Spiritually growing with them. Haha 😂. They think that you’ll love having sex in the kitchen or maybe that’s your fantasy lol 😂. Or there’s fantasy’s to do with you. Your FS thinks that you are fear of being alone, probably scared of people leaving your side or I can heard them say “Don’t be afraid or scared I’m right here with you.” So I think that they think that you are fucking animated, you make them laugh in their dreams just way you explain things you just animated as hell. I’m also getting that they believe you are dramatic, but so what so am I. US DRAMATIC PEOPLE!!! Anyways they can sense that you’ve been trapped inside your own bubble too scared to get out of your comfort zone. Or some of you can be rock and rolls 🎸🎸🎸. Play it! Thoughts about you when they are dreaming about you is that, you should love yourself first before anyone else including them. Or when you start loving yourself more, it makes them romantically attractive to you more. I heard them saying “Fucking Stand Up for yourself, Embrace that sweet voice of yours.” So that’s exactly what they are telling you to do. They are attractive to you when they are dreaming about you, because in their eyes you are so beautiful. Also you are very playful, so goofy I swear when you are around them, you are animated as hell. Very soon clearly decide what you want beauties. Have faith and trust this is yours and that’s what I got from them, thinking that you have trust issues, you doubt a lot. Don’t feel like you deserve this and that’s exactly what their thoughts are. Pay attention to those red flags 🚩 surrounding you. Be cautious about what’s around you. Free Yourself whatever baggage’s you got holding you back.

Channeled Message: “The moment I saw you, you fucking blew me the hell away, it’s was like love at first sight. Soon your phone will be ringing, it’s me pick up!. Get away from it and get away from those bad people who hurt you or anything. I love working with you, it’s so much fun and I can’t wait to work with you again and collaborate with you again. That’s shit is fucking fun!. So when I dream about you it’s like a dream come true, I wake up with you in my mind and even daydream about living with me. I know it sound fucking crazy. Am I crazy? Can I be your little pet? I’ll do anything for you. We are already married spiritually, so we just have to make it 3D, so let's make our love fantasy come true babe. Let me make you smile, until you can’t smile no more until we go on with our next life together. I know it isn’t fair I’ve kept you waiting but isn’t fair to tell you to wait for me but can you wait for me, this is destiny and I wanna make love to you, I feel so romantic with you, babe you make me happy. Let me do that for you. You are a runner, I'm a chaser, I love a challenge. You are so hard to get and that turns me on even more and it scares me moving forward sometimes. I want your help please help me baby. I trust the shit out of you, plus I want you to come and play with me for a little while. Do me a favor please? Don’t forget me or don’t give up on me especially Us!! Can you promise me that, I don’t care if you fall in love with someone else as long as you promise you give us a real chance. 5D We are married no matter what. That ain’t going to change my feelings for you. I gotta song for you to listen. When I think about you or dream about you baby. Keep your head up sexy, I’m coming in your dreams soon pay attention to it.”

Pile 3:

•Their thoughts while they are dreaming about you, is crazy 😜. They sense that you can be a traveler or you love to travel a lot. Love to learn about the cultures, backgrounds of your ancestors and discovering truth about your heritage lines. I heard them saying “Love your knowledge.” So they’ll love that you are so smart even if you aren't book smart, you'll be educated enough to discover the truth of your heritage and your experiences. Anyways they know that you are their romantic 💘 soulmate, you’ll their best friends again they trust you with anything, even if they are dreaming about you they feel safe in that dream. They think that you are afraid of being alone, similar to pile 2. They think they have a soul contract with you, it’s been written between you and them and you're meant to break this curse by family, Friends, or just karmic people who you have karmic with. It’s destiny between you and them and that’s it fate. They are thinking that you should stay optimistic about your love life with them, because you need to release this ex of yours not just an ex but family, friends, or siblings or whatever the case may be needed to let them go. You deserve love, that's exactly what they are feeling… YOU DESERVE LOVE!! you deserve their love 💕. I heard them say, “Let me be yours,” let me be the love of your life.” They have romantic feelings for you, it’s real and it’s worth exploring with you. That’s exactly what they are feeling. It seems like your partner is very passionate about you and feels heavy when they are dreaming about you. For some of you I believe this is your soulmate. They think that you and them have good chemistry together. You two just match. Oh. Yeah for most of you I believe this is your twin flames 🔥 as well.

Channeled Message: “You’re perfect to me, the moment I saw you in my dreams I didn’t wanna come out. It’s like I wanna tell someone about you, but my friends make fun of me when I tell them about my dreams about you. They don’t think you are fucking real. Maybe they are right? Or am I just delusional, you are just in my head. I don’t know if I feel so damn stupid about this or I feel ducking alone, why can it be like the nightmare of Elm street just pulled you out of my dream. I’ve felt at home with you, your energy makes me feel safe. Do you feel the same? When I dream about you and I can hear your voice it feels like heaven to me, keep talking to me. Do you feel delusional about this? Or am I trippin. I’m just missing your sweet voice in my dreams. I know stupid of me to listen to my stupid Friends. I’ve been social media fronting. I know you’ve been thinking I am a fake but I ain’t. Your throne is waiting for you next to mine, What are you waiting for? Come on .. I want you to stay away from this bullshit don’t believe my friend's baby as long as you believe in us. I feel like you are my twin flame or is it you my soulmate, Man who gives a shit about the label I just know that I fuck with you. I’m feeling stuck right now can you please be patient with me I’m begging 🥺. I wanna lay in bed with you all day and just get lost into each other. I am flirting with you, Do you feel me touching you? I am feeling yours. I am on my way to you, I sense you close to me. I just wanna take care of you, let me ask you this babe. Do you want to be my girlfriend? I wanna be your boyfriend. Here’s a song I got for you to listen to.”

Comment & Reblog This Post….. Enjoy this beautiful pile did for you my lovely 🥰 and this is general reading take what resonates and what doesn’t!.

#Spotify #pac reading #tarot reading #free tarot reading #fs pick a pile #tarot cards #divination readings #intuitive readings #love reading #pac reblog #pick a pile #paid readings #paid request #am i dreaming #fairytaleliving #welcome post #welcome to tumblr #future spouse #tarotblr #taroteverydamnday #pick a card #musician #free readings #happiness #thinking of you #tarot sale #tarot community #pac tarot #tarotdaily #tales of destiny

[call-me-little-sunshine84]

Behind Closed Doors (Jim Hopper x female reader ~ 18+)

Characters: Jim "Chief" Hopper x female reader

Rating: Explicit, Minors DNI

Words: 1.4k

Summary: Working at the Hawkins Police Department comes with more benefits than you thought

Warnings: SMUT, unprotected sex, oral sex

A/N: Just another smutty Hopper one shot, apparently I'm stuck on them. Hopefully they're good!

"Good morning, Chief,” you said with a smile when you saw Hopper walk into the station, just like you did every morning. And just like every other morning, he responded with a curt hello as he walked straight into his office and shut the door. You had been working as a receptionist at the Hawkins Police Department for a few months. It wasn’t exactly your dream job, but it allowed you to see him every day.

Jim Hopper was quite possibly the sexiest man you have ever seen. Tall and broad shouldered, he filled out his uniform so nicely. You had been trying desperately to get him to notice you. You were always finding reasons to go into his office, even if it’s just to offer to get him coffee. You were lucky to get grunted responses, forget having an actual conversation with him. I just don’t get it, you found yourself thinking. Had you unknowingly done something to offend him? He acted so cold to you most of the time, you had pretty much given up on ever having any kind of shot with him. You had decided to just go to work, do your job, and try to ignore the way he made you feel, ignore the fact that he was the subject of pretty much all of your obscene fantasies. Easier said than done. 

That’s why it caught you by such surprise when he stuck his head out of his office later that afternoon and yelled for you to come inside. You wondered what in the hell was going on, had you done something wrong? You got up, frustrated, and made your way inside. It was Friday and the workday was almost over, you really just wanted to go home and relax. “Close the door please,” he said as you entered, actually looking you in the eye for once. Am I in some kind of parallel universe you wondered. You inhaled deeply, the lingering smell of his cologne everywhere inside the small room. “Chief, what is this about? Did I do something?” you asked, as a million thoughts ran through your head. “Why would you think that?” he replied, raising an eyebrow at you. “Maybe because in two months you have barely spoken three sentences to me!” you said exasperatedly. 

“Why do you think that is?” he asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “I have literally no idea! I have made every effort to get you to talk to me and you avoid me like the plague. I don’t know what I could have possibly done to you in the short time I’ve been here!” you said, sighing heavily. His normally bright blue eyes darkened. “I was trying to stay away from you because I can’t trust myself to behave around you,” he said under his breath, and you thought you must have misheard him. “What!?!” you replied, your head spinning. 

“You really think I haven’t noticed you? Haven’t noticed the way you look in those skirts you wear, the way your perfume smells when you’re near me? It drives me crazy but I’m your boss and I was trying to stay away. I just don’t know if I can do it anymore,” he told you in a sudden fit of honesty. You stepped closer to him, closing the distance between you. You couldn’t believe this was actually happening. Deciding to match his bold admission you say “Jim, I have been lusting after you since my first day here. I have done everything I could to get you to see me. I want you with every fiber of my body.” 

Oh my God, did I really just say that you thought, knowing it was too late to take it back now. The words hung in the air between you. You noticed then that the blinds were closed and thought to yourself fuck it. Grabbing his uniform shirt, you pulled him toward you and kissed him, deeply and fully. It was like fireworks went off, sparks flying between you. He matched your kiss, wrapping his arms around you. Eventually he pulled back. “Are you sure this is what you want?” he asked, a questioning look in his eyes. “I’ve never been more sure of anything. You’re all I want,” you replied. 

The rest was like all your best fantasies made reality. He kissed you again, his tongue darting past your lips. He tasted like coffee, bitter and sweet at the same time. You felt all the tension leave your body as he completely took control, clearing his desk off with one sweep of his hand. He picked you up and sat you on top of the desk and you wrapped your legs around him, pulling him against you. You began unbuttoning his uniform shirt slowly, wanting to draw this moment out. You finally removed it completely, tossing it over the chair behind him, running your hands through his chest hair. He pulled your shirt off and left you in just your bra and skirt. 

The chill from the air on your bare skin made you shiver. He leaned in and began kissing your neck, making his way down your chest. The feeling of his mustache on your body set you on fire. He reached behind you and unhooked your bra, slinging it to the side. Immediately you felt his mouth on your nipple, licking and teasing, swirling his tongue relentlessly around the sensitive skin. You moaned enthusiastically, still not believing that any of this was real. He moved back up to kiss you again before laying you back flat against the desk. You cocked an eyebrow at him, then realized what he was doing as he lowered himself down in front of you and pushed your skirt up around your waist and threw your panties to the side.

Fuuuuuckkk you thought as he kissed his way up your inner thigh and settled his mouth on your already soaked core. He slowly ran his tongue up your slick folds to your clit and began circling expertly. “Yes Jim,” you hissed. You moaned as he slipped a finger inside you and began pushing it in and out in rhythm with his mouth. 'Yes, please, right there!" you yelled, unable to keep your voice down. At this point, anyone left in the office would without a doubt know what was going on inside.

This man absolutely knew what he was doing. The constantly building pressure had you squirming underneath him, grinding your pulsing pussy on his mouth. “That’s it, cum for me,” he said. Like it was a command, your body obeyed, white hot lightning shooting through you and leaving you gasping. He removed his finger and licked the taste of you off of it before raising you up off the desk. Just seeing that had you even weaker in the knees, desire spreading through you like wildfire. 

He removed his uniform pants, and you gasped in surprise. You had figured he would be big just by his body size, but damn. He spun you around and bent you over the top of the desk, your bare ass in the air, and parted your legs. He entered you slowly, giving you time to adjust to him. You pushed back against him, quickly letting him know it was okay to move. He still took it slow, repeatedly pulling all but his tip out before thrusting his hips and bottoming out in you. He did this over and over, hitting places inside you that you didn't know even existed.

“Oh my God, Jim,” you gasp, feeling your body turn to jelly underneath him. The sound of skin slapping skin filled the room with each thrust. He gripped your hips tightly and then moved at a faster pace. You felt your walls clench around him, and he groaned your name. You had never heard anything sound so sexy. You arched your back up against his chest, and the change in angle made him hit that spot inside of you, the one that made you see stars. Before you knew it, your second orgasm overtook you, and you could feel your legs shaking around him as it crashed over you. He followed soon behind you, the feeling of you tightening around him more than he could take. He filled you up, shooting his seed deep inside you. He collapsed against you with a grunt, eventually standing up and giving you a chance to get dressed before you started leaking down the inside of your legs.

The reality of what you had just done was heavy in the air. “So, see you Monday,” you said with a half smirk as you headed for the door. “Definitely darlin’, and be ready to stay late,” he replied with a wink and laugh. 

#jim hopper smut #jim hopper x reader #jim hopper #david harbour #stranger things smut #chief hopper

[wtfzodiacsigns]

Thoughts About The Signs

Aries: Broken hearts and bloodstained fingers, your voice reminds me of a lively melody. A warrior's heart with a delicate soul, an unlikely combination you put together so well. You have it hard, don’t you? Yet you get up with only the skin at your knees scraped and dripping red.

Taurus: The reminiscence of a rose - the single flower that’s impossible to hate, delicate and pretty, even when it stops blooming. Your voice could calm even the most chaotic oceans, always soothing with soft notes of 

comfort. Even your eyes could mesmerize the soulless creature; your sweet face leaves me dreaming in heartache.

Gemini: Your eyes twinkle with mischief, what are you thinking about? That’s what I always wonder, the curve of your mouth always makes me suspect. I love your mind, I think that’s my favorite thing of yours, you tell me so much I cannot help but wonder about the things you leave unsaid.

Cancer: Lovely eyes filled with unspilled tears, how can you be so wonderful? I’ve always said that, people who can feel so much have the capacity to be the kindest. How have you not broken yet? I think I can admire that. Sensitive, emotional, I dream of you. Your heart reminds me of an endless sea, so much you leave undiscovered.

Leo: It’s enamoring, how full of life you are - your soul could rival the sun, it’s as if you shimmer with the promise of eternal bliss. Perhaps that’s why you so easily win the hearts of all; so golden and glamorous. I’ve always said your gaze held the most wonderful of stars, even now I can still count them; youthful and shining. I think it might be impossible to ever fully hate you, your warmth is far too compelling.

Virgo: I find it odd that you can’t see your beauty, it’s always been so obvious to me. Why must you be so harsh to yourself? Especially when you’re so obviously perfect. I think it’s your innocence that draws me in most, always so pure and lovely; like the sweetest rose. I wish I could win your heart, but I know I’m undeserving. Yet there’s a gentleness in you I can’t help but have.

Libra: Ah, Aphrodite’s purest creation - how could you not adore such a thing? There’s a sweet nostalgia of love about you that makes my heart ache; as if I miss a love I never had. I think your nativity is what makes you so pure amongst the rest of us. There’s an underlying softness to everything you do.

Scorpio: I don’t think there are enough words to describe you, your depths are unfathomable. I think here lies the true meaning of profound. There’s a frustrating beauty in you I can’t seem to point out, perhaps it’s because it’s so buried. You are kind, so very kind, I don’t understand where people see your darkness. Or perhaps I do. I think it’s in your eyes, how dark they seem even when you smile. They’re the eyes of someone who has seen tragedies, yet you arose from them with certain light and grace that can’t help but seem lovely.

Sagittarius: An adventurer, a wandering soul always searching for its next quest - you’ve danced with the sun and conversed with the stars. The universe knows you better than you know yourself. You are wild and brimming with the promises of life, so much to see, so much to learn! There is truly nothing more lovely than the life of one who experiences, I see the whole world when I’m with you.

Capricorn: Cold eyes and shy smiles, I know you’re gentler than you believe. Your stars are the least private in December, perhaps that’s why it’s my favorite month. I admire your patience the most, it brings peace to my fiery spirit. It’s funny, how unemotional you portray yourself - your soul-warming smile contradicts that in every way, it’s unexpected yet not at all surprising.

Aquarius: The ruler of rebellion, invention, and revolution - it’s as if you shake the world awake. Your mind is the strangest place I love to be in, show me all your thoughts; especially the ones you’d never think of sharing. A lover and a loner detached yet still connected, you always leave me wondering.

Pisces: The moon tells me tales of your heart every month when she’s full and shining, I wonder how it hasn’t burst yet. She tells me there’s a beautiful idealism to you, I don’t think there’s a single dream you haven’t dreamt. I think it’s beautiful, how such a pure soul can exist. My heart aches when I hear the stars whisper soft words of comfort to you every night you disappear into yourself; licking wounds and drowning in sorrows - your sensitivity is what’s most raw. I hope one day you can find your heart.

— My Thoughts On The Signs

#Zodiac Signs

[glittercake]

hello!!! I’m an avid reader of all ur fics, but especially don’t shy from the light, as in I genuinely couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve re-read it. I love the relationship in it and the story is just so fun

I was wondering if it takes your fancy to speculate about this - how do u reckon sam and bucky of that universe deal with bucky beginning to come into his glory days?

like in the fic sam tells bucky how success and fame etc is coming his way. and he’s so in bucky’s corner for him living out all his fighting dreams to the max which obvs comes with the flashy flirty parts too. do you think he’d ever feel conflicted/like he’s tied him down?

bc I love how on bucky’s side and pov in the story winning and living it up with sam is his dream. like I wonder how he gets that across to sam

sorry for the rambling ask, it was a little brain itch for me!

(also no pressure to respond of course!)

Hey! Omg this was such a mood booster ask to get! I am extremely happy that you enjoy and re-read the story, thank you!

And YES I would absolutely LOVE to ramble about this! And anything else you or anyone has ever wondered about in my fics.

Ramblings about this fic below the cut!!

Alright, so I think Bucky’s fame comes so fast it knocks them on their asses. Like it’s great at first, he’s winning matches left and right, he’s in all the papers, he’s trending on various platforms, TV interviews, podcast sessions, radio shows, merch, people throwing their underwear at him LOL. He’s THE guy suddenly.

And like that’s fine, hell Sam’s even enjoying it, seeing that sexy little smirk when he’s talking cheeky to the press, the glint in his eyes whenever he mentions his coach.

So then naturally some fancy gym, some big-time coach with a huge reputation and an even huger budget offers to train Bucky—and like this would be the opportunity of a lifetime, world titles guaranteed—but Bucky still chooses Sam.

I can see this creating a bit of tension because Sam tells him to go for it but Bucky is adamant that yeah he wants to win the world champs but he’ll do it with Sam. And maybe this means training harder, jumping through hoops for sponsors, but he has no doubt that him and Sam can do it together.

Sam would absolutely feel like he’s not doing enough, even in the fic he’s got a lot of reservations for a lot of reasons. His fear of what happened to Riley possibly happening to Bucky too, the guilt, the “I shouldn’t be responsible for this kid’s career” So he would push and push for Bucky to join the other team, to let the big-time coach train him and get him to the world champs.

Bucky would get pretty frustrated about it. I imagine an argument about it because how many damn times does he have to tell Sam you’re it. He’s starting to think Sam wants him to go. So, pissed off as hell, he says fine, I’ll give you what you want, and storms out. And maybe the next day there’s a press conference where Bucky’s supposed to announce he’s joining the big-time coach because that’s the logical decision and what Sam—and the whole country tbh—expects him to do.

So Bucky’s sitting on the panel, grumpy. Sam’s sitting at home, moping because look, that’s his guy. He hates thinking of some other asshole taking Bucky in. (Conveniently he’s going to remember all those steamy training sessions they had at the start, being up close and very personal with Bucky, that time they fucked in his office) and he’s going to be hating on Big-Time Coach for no good reason lmao.

Then, when the reporter finally asks him about the potential contract with Big-Time Coach, and if he’s got something to announce regarding the rumors, Bucky leans into the mic and says “Yeah.” And like everyone gasps and starts scribbling on their little pads.

At home, Sam’s heart drops and he’s on his feet before he realizes, watching that TV with rapt attention. Suddenly his world is narrowed to a 70-inch flat screen. And maybe this is the moment he realizes what matters the most and how hard-headed he’s been and now he might lose everything because he keeps underestimating himself and letting his doubts get the better of him.

And then Bucky says, “I ain’t going anywhere.” And he looks straight into the camera. He knows Sam’s watching. “I go all the way to the top with Sam Wilson, and Sam Wilson only, or I don’t go anywhere at all.”

Sam’s relieved, has to sit down maybe because that was close and now he wants nothing more than to have Bucky back home with him and much later Bucky will come home and still be grumpy as hell, glaring at Sam from across the room and Sam will try to soften him with some sweet talk but all he wants to do it take Bucky into his arms and kiss him stupid.

Maybe Sam breaks the ice with “Sam Wilson and Sam Wilson only, huh?” while they’re standing around the kitchen island pecking at dinner and avoiding eye contact. And bucky will roll his eyes and say “Did I stutter?” and Sam will get an instant boner—no ok, he’d go over to Bucky and say “No sweetheart. No you didn’t” and kiss him.

Grueling training for the world champs starts the next week. Grueling. Bucky regrets everything and Sam thinks it’s really funny wearing a shirt that says “Sam Wilson Only”

Anyways. It could probably go a few ways but this scenario was most fun! Hope this answered your question 😊 and thanks for the opportunity to ramble!

#that was ALOT #ask #sambucky

[rinbowaman]

A Blank Canvas

Warnings: Yandere content, obsessive behavior/thoughts, hints of kidnapping without directing mentioning as such, stalk-ish behaviors, mentions of a private investigator.

For my beloved fellow writer, creator, and friend, @ateliertale. Take this as an early birthday present. ❤️

I lay wide awake, her face is so youthful and vibrant, like the fresh green blooming's of spring. Her eyes dazzle like lustrous granite, and are as wide as the sky above. Her hair is all natural, and graces over her petite shoulders, further complimenting her rather small structure. I chuckle at her height, or the lack thereof. She is so small, so tiny, yet her personality is larger than life. 

“Heh…adorable.”

I chuckle every time I look at her. She is so perfect…so cute and pretty, so tamed and wild. She has become my everything, my one and only. I've seen her face over a thousand times and I never get tired of staring... I dream of her so often that it has become a nightly ritual every time I lay my head to rest.

It drives me crazy, the way I fantasize about her. The first time I witnessed the glories of true and effortless beauty, was when I saw her passing by at one of our fan signs. It’s not normal for something to distract me so easily; I’ve held hands with every Lune in the continent, and shared sweet words to feed their delusional desires…empty words. I used to think that the words I spoke to these girls were meaningless and shallow, all of which were expressed with a certain amount of gratitude, but taken with a grain of salt. It is a part of my job, after all. Yet the moment I saw her walking by, linking arms with her friend, I realized that there is meaning behind those words…my actions…and those feelings, there definitely is…just not with them…only with her. 

I used to grow angry and frustrated whenever I dreamt of her. It was as if she was haunting me with her delicate smile, and taunting me with that sweet laugh. I wanted to catch her...but she was always too far from my reach. I'd wake up, empty handed with only her face permanently ingrained in my brain. That's when it all dawned on me...It is something that I hadn’t symbolized until recently, and now that I have, I finally understand what the universe is telling me….

“We belong….we are in love.” 

Yes, we are in love. She may not realize it fully…yet. But the way she flipped her hair and glanced my way, I could see it in her eyes that she was meant to be mine. Her soft smile as she issued a small nod, acknowledging my presence as I smiled back and waved. Of course the fan before me was definitely not happy, but who cares. Is there even a point of me doing lives anymore? When all I can see…all I can hear…all I can think is…

“Kei? Are you ready to go?”

“Hm? Oh…yeah.”

“Laying and staring at the ceiling again? Isn’t that boring?”

“Yeah it is.”

“Then why do you do it so often?”

“Because I’m not looking at the ceiling…I’m seeing something beyond beauty and comfort.”

“....oooookay…well, stop staring at it and let's go eat. I’m starving.” 

The abysmal stain of eggshell and crumble that smoothes the entire ceiling. It may appear dull and lifeless to everyone, but to me, it is the most treasured vision that I look forward to seeing each day. A blank canvas that allows me to paint the perfect picture of her features, without any color or object to interfere with the details of her face and smile. It’s been months since the fan sign, but that doesn’t mean I can’t see her again, especially when–

“Kei?”

“Yeah?”

“Forgot to mention...did you hire a private investigator for something?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Well, he dropped by while you were doing a live, and left a message.” 

I’m handed a business card of the investigator's name and number, with a small handwritten note on the back. He was an elusive fellow, very committed and good at his job…I only hire the best. Looks like my money and patience is paying off, I can’t help but smile widely when I read his message…

“Found the girl.” 

Oh fuck…I feel like the world is spinning. Finally, I’ll be able to see her…to hear her….and to take her.

Yes, take her away from it all…to keep her all to myself…to tell her all about the dreams I’ve had of her…of our life….of our children and our happiness. The same dreams that drove me crazy and caused me to yearn for her more and more….it was all the universe’s way in showing me that we belong. I can’t wait to show her the poems and songs I wrote for her…the line of feminine fragrances and satin dresses that I bought for her. I cannot wait. 

My thumb swipes up at the message, and off to the corner was hidden beneath the pad of my finger. I would have missed it had I not moved…but now I am glad. Soon, the blank canvas above me will be nothing more than a distant memory. Soon, I will have the real thing before me....oh the feeling I get whenever I imagine how supple and soft her skin will feel beneath my fingertips. How delightful her voice will sound when I squeeze her and hold her tightly against my chest, caving over her much smaller frame. Soon...my happiness will be more than what my eyes paint on the blank canvas that is my bedroom ceiling. My happiness will be real and within my grasp.

I silently read off the letters, trailing the delicate characters that make up her name. 

“Yuan…” 

#&team fanfic #&team imagines #&team k #kei &team #k

[rriavian]

M and N for the ask game!!

M - name a character you’d like to have for a friend 

Calliope or Jessamy (though if I could I’d give her back to Dream).

But Calliope was my first thought because I adore her character. I could go on for a long time about why but my answer for N is very long so I might save it for another post.

N - 3 things you wish you saw more of in your main fandom (or one of your choice)

Ok this might be a little controversial but…I don’t actually read that much Sandman fanfic anymore. In the beginning I read so much and while I still write, I think what’s kept me around is that I'm trying to write what I want to see more of. If that makes sense?

Firstly, I’d love to see more diversity.

Not just in ships but in fic in general, more gen, more that explore the female characters, more femslash (never written it but I know you mod Sandman Femslash Fans and I really wanted to do something for the challenge! Have an idea but I’ve been a bit ill recently). I wish there was more love for side characters/minor characters other than Hob. And that there were more explorations of the connections between characters outside of shipping.

I never really enjoy fandoms where one ship is a majority, even when I ship that ship, because in my experience it leads to everything being seen through the lens of that ship.

It tends to lean towards certain fanon interpretations being considered canon, with fandoms forgetting to question/step outside of the ships bubble. It's also just not very interesting. Even when there’s diversity within the ship itself I like to see more of a counterpoint. Otherwise it just…makes the universe feel smaller. Like only ever having chocolate cake on offer, maybe in ten different permutations, but at its core it’s chocolate. Different takes on things make people think, challenge them to think, make them alter their perspective, and it’s a healthy thing. I don’t think this fandom is very good for that tbh. 

Secondly, more characterisations of non-human characters that embrace the fact they are not human.

I see this very common binary of more human like = good vs less human like = bad (very simplified but I hope you understand my point!). So would like to see this not just for Dream, but for other characters too. I know we’re humans engaging with this fandom, so it's hard to envision that perspective, but I’d love to see more of us stepping outside of a human lens. As much as the fandom writes ‘nightmare’ Dream, it’s often shown as his dark or unrestrained side (or primarily a sex thing) so would love to see more diverse views on the spectrum of his aspect. On the flip side the human/retired Dream trope (which is personally a hard no for me unless heavily subverted) is far more popular than its opposite.

Again, this is about a desire for diversity. I'm not suggesting there's something wrong with having different tastes!! Just frustrating when it’s hard to find anything else.

I know this is fanfic, and so we all have our own interpretations and AUs, with many of us embracing the opportunity to write a drastically different version of a character. I just rarely see Dream characterised in a way that, again to my interpretation, I recognise as him. That feels authentically him. Other characters like Lucienne or Death or even Rose often feel like they are smoothed out to be perfect or written in a matchmaking role. I wish more fics let them be as flawed as they are, let them be wrong, let them make mistakes. I’d just love to see more complexity.

Thirdly - this is probably a subpoint of the above - but more of Dream actually enjoying his role, and fics that explore his relationship to humanity.

I'd love to see explorations of what it means to be Dream. I see so much of him rejecting it or being overwhelmed by it. While I do think his feelings are complicated, which in itself is very interesting, he’s not just going through the motions/in need of saving. I wish more people showed that it’s not just this burden he needs freedom from. He’s good at it too. That’s what makes things so tragic. He’s smart, communicative in his own way, but Dream just isn’t human, and so he’s not going to act like one.

(Btw this is not anti Dreamling. I’m not here to hate on anyone’s ship, especially one I do ship in certain ways. I just wish there was more diversity, and I personally disagree with a lot of interpretations of Dream’s character. As fans we’re all allowed to dislike a take/trope. I just don’t read those fics because I'm not the right audience for them. I'm only trying to point out that when those takes/tropes are everywhere it’s really hard to find anything to engage with.)

#unsure how to tag this #no hate to anyone #just a wish more more of something different #the sandman #i hope this wasn't too rambly an answer

[yourfellowhuman07]

Where Do We Go Now?

A She-ra: Princess of Power 2018 fanfiction

The war is finally over. Prime is dead, the hive mind is broken, and everyone is reunited with their loved ones. However, there are some questions left unanswered. What will be the fate of Catra and Hordak? What are these new memories Wrong Hordak has? What is Etheria's place in the wider universe? Where do we go now?

___________________

Hello, this is the first fic I have ever written so please take this with a grain of salt. I tried my best so I hope you like it. This will be a very Entrapdak-centric fic, but there are plenty of appearances of the main cast. This fic will also contain many ocs and a lot of my personal headcanons, which are mainly pre-series. If there is anything I get wrong or I could improve on please tell me.

I hope you enjoy it! <3

____________________

Chapter 1: Seeing Stars

The stars shone a million colors as Hordak gazed upon them. While he had been back in the wider universe for nearly six months, it was like seeing them for the first time. 

However, no star shone brighter than the brilliant princess beside him.

Entrapta and Hordak sat beneath a flowering tree away from the celebrating crowd. The day moons were chased away beyond the horizon, letting the colors of twilight paint the sky. Entrapta sat babbling about her adventures in space while Hordak sat beside her, listening intently. He wished that he had been with her through all her adventures. He had often dreamed of showing her the stars; he had dreamed that her face would light up with excitement, and she would be bouncing around the ship, recording every detail as the two floated in the endless void of space alone.

Alone. 

He was so alone when she left, although, at the time, he would never admit it. Now that she was back with him, he did not know what to feel. Regret or sorrow on how he let Catra take her from him, almost killing her in the process? Relief that she was back. No, he thought, it is love you, idiot! He loves her. When she stepped foot in the Fright Zone, she had stolen his heart, and it took him a long time to realize that. 

Too long, he thought. Maybe, if I realized it sooner, she would have never been taken away from me. Maybe, Prime would have never come to Etheria. Maybe-

“Are you ok?” Entrapta looked at him intently.

Shades, Hordak’s face had betrayed him. 

“I am feeling alright.” He straightened his posture, desperate to cover the regret previously covering his face.

“Are you sure your ears are drooping, and you were frowning?”

“I am fine, Princess, I assure you. Also, I thought you could not read facial expressions?” Hordak quirked one of his brow bones up with a small smirk.

“Well, after re-joining the Princess Alliance, I had to to study facial expressions further to interact with them. They are not as blunt as people from the Fright Zone. Also, since I’ve spent so much time with you, I can read you easier.” She grins at him.

Then something came to Hordak’s mind.

“How did the princesses treat you once you rejoined their forces?”

“Scorpia is still my friend, and Bow was always friendly. Everyone else was busy with the war, so I didn’t get to talk with them unless it was about Darla or Prime’s chips. I don’t know how they feel about me. Even after all my research, it’s still hard to tell what they’re thinking. ”

“In my experience, most nobles are cryptic with their feelings.”

“I know, right? They expect me to know their mood from the tiniest facial movement and never just tell me how they feel. I always feel like have to decode their every movement just to have a conversation! It’s so inefficient!”

Hordak’s green eyes were wide with shock. He had never seen Entrapta angry, let alone frustrated. She was always able to find the good in everything, including him.

“I’m sorry. I’m ranting. The princesses, while confusing, are nice. I can count on them when the time is right.”

Then a question popped into Hordak’s head.

What are the princesses going to do with me?

“Oh, I'm sure you’ll be fine after I explain everything to them.” 

Shades, I said that out loud.

“Besides what little I know about the princesses, I doubt they are the type of people to deal out death penalties. Even if they do decide that, I can just kidnap you and start another war.” Entrapta then broke out into a fit of giggles. This eventually broke Hordak down to where he released a low chuckle that made Entrapta stop. 

“I didn’t know you could laugh.”

“I am full of surprises.”

This made Entrapta break out into a second fit of giggles, but this time Hordak did not join. Instead, he notices how her hair shines from the light of the stars as it blows in the warm, mid-summer breeze. How her beautiful smile caused her nose and eyes to crinkle most adorably. How she bounces around in the air, bringing brightness and happiness to every room she enters. How she oozes kindness and intelligence in every syllable she speaks. She is a wonder who deserves to be worshiped.

“You are beautiful.”

Entrapta stopped dead, her eyes stuck on Hordak. Her cheeks were flushed, and her pupils dilated.

“Really?”

“Princess, I have been witness to countless galaxies. Seen the sparkling effects of a supernova and have seen the grand power of black holes; however, none can compare to the star I see before me.”

Entrapta stood still like a deer in headlights until determination flooded her body. She grabbed Hordak by his shirt collar and… kissed him.

#entrapdak #entrapta #hordak #spop #she ra #fanfic #chapter 1 #I have not clue what I am doing #female writers #writing is cool #this has consumed my life #send snacks #hyperfixation

[waywardstation]

yeah I was taking a break, still taking it easy though but I am amazed by all the content you've shared while I was gone.

Wonderful art AND an AMAZING animation!

I was surprised and not surprised. From what I have seen from you I know what you're capable of but I didn't expect anything this soon! The fact it looks like it can loop is also so well thought out. Trapped in an cycle with Jörmun. Ember evolving. Ingo commanding both Teams as Akari searches her Satchel. The tension building up until the "chomp" cutting to red.

Also a lot of bravo and wow for Jörmuns animations. You can feel the power of this huge Garchomp right out of the animation. The movements radiate so much power, speed and strength. It's breathtaking. You know that things are serious even without the context of what has been established.

Also hoping the dream anon gets their eyes on these.

I already know I will be having these scenes playing over again in my head when I'll be reading the part when it comes out (no rush pls, take all the time you need, good things need their time) the fact that you plan to finish it eventually... this is yet another thing to look forward to in time. So many treats to look forward to. I don't know how things will go on a personal level but knowing there are treats on the horizon no matter how long it takes is something giving me motivation to see through them.

And the art you've shared last month has also been fun and sweet. Even if updates aren't as frequent as they used to be (which is fine and valid) they still have the same positive impact like they used to.

And while I am still not doing too great they do their part and sweeten up things. A little thing to make a difference, thank you so much!

Hope things are great on your end, that you've been able to rest and have plenty of good times! Also always remember to be hydrated and well rested!

In regards to the animatic I made for I Won’t Leave You Behind

WOW, thank you so much for such kind words, friend!! I’m really glad you appreciate it and took time to leave such a nice analysis on my animatic choices!!!

I’m especially excited to get out the parts for Ingo commanding both teams. At one point, he will essentially be pairing two Pokémon together for attacks (to ensure one can make an opening for the other) to try and get an advantage on Jörmun, while Akari is trying to find something useful. The double battle style will remind him verrrry much of someone else and their specialized battle tactics.

I’m really happy you’re looking forward to it!! I know things have slowed down a lot around here; while posting anxiety has gotten really strong, the biggest issue is that a variety of health struggles have really sapped my mental clarity, and my will to imagine anything creative lately. I am still working on a lot of projects as I do enjoy them, but the process is pretty hard and slow right now.

I oftentimes feel bad about how little I’ve posted lately, because I’ve been greatly frustrated with my delayed process — I somehow used to be way more active back when I was also juggling university!!! So it really does mean a lot to hear that you really like what I HAVE put out, and that you find them fun and sweet. Genuinely, thank you so much ^^ <3

AND LIKEWISE FRIEND!! I know things have been tough lately and I do hope things become kinder to you as soon as they can; I can see you are very strong for dealing with everything you have, and I’m happy you’re still getting through it. I hope lots of positivity and rest and relief finds you!! I am very happy to hear from you again ^^

#wayward’s asks #I hope your break was a good one and that the coming days weeks and months treat you well!!

[nonbinaryeggrolls]

Nephophilia pt. 3

Aizawa x POC! Reader

MINORS DNI. AGELESS AND MINOR BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED

Synopsis: You're a 20 year old sophomore university student from NYU. All your life you've wanted to be a hero , but a law in the US has banned the use of mind control quirks in the hero field and labeled them as too dangerous and "violate the concept of free will". To pursue your dreams as a hero you move to Japan and enroll in an international mentor ship program to get your overseas hero license. On your first day you meet your mentor, Shota Aizawa: he's aloof, rude, and irrational, but what starts of as a clash between two polar opposite personalities turns into a romantic relationship that you didn't expect.

Quirk: Servant Hero name (Maestro) Y/N has a second voice with a hallucinogenic rhythm, when ever you speak to someone while using your quirk they instantly fall under your control for 15 minutes or until you say "stop". The only problem is you can only give them one word commands (Example: retreat, sit, freeze, jump, cry etc.) On ONE occasion you can give a person a multiple word command. If you tell them "obey" they will follow anything you say for the full 15 minutes or until you say "stop". But you avoid saying "obey" whenever you can because it can become too dangerous if the directions are not specific enough.

Warnings: Smut, bullying, strong language, attempts at sexual coercion and other forms of manipulation, racism, descriptions of violence and blood

A/N: Sorry this took so long to put out! I hope this is okay I was having trouble coming up with a storyline for this chapter. Anyways enjoy, Y/N is gonna show the full extent of her quirk in the next chapter !

Present Mic: "God where could she be?!" he circled each and every corner of the city for hours looking for you with Aizawa. The leather on his steering wheel squeaked from how hard he was clenching it

Aizawa: “Why did I say that? Why the fuck would I say something so stupid?!” He cursed to himself while his mind tortured him with the image of your heartbroken expression, the last thing he could remember before everything went blank. He leaned against the passenger window in guilt. He did it again, he lashed out and embarrassed you for no reason and even worse you had to use your quirk just to get away from him. What kind of hero was he? A pretty shitty one...

Aizawa: "This is all my fault..."

Present Mic: "Yeah no shit sherlock tell me something I don't know…” waiting at the stoplight allowed enough time for long exhale escaped his mouth as he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. Mic was a gentleman through and through, chivalrous to even the most underserving of men and women, so Aizawa knew he was in for far more than a few harsh words from his blonde friend

Present Mic: “What the HELL is wrong with you Shota? Are you stupid or just temporarily insane? Talking to a young girl like that, you know all she wants is to be like you and me she doesn’t need another add on to the countless people saying she can’t do it. You better have a damn good apology up your sleeve or I’ll request a mentor transfer from Nezu MYSELF!”

Aizawa wanted to retaliate, he was stunned at Hizashis willingness to go against him so quickly, but who was he kidding? He deserved it. Contrary to popular belief Aizawa wasn’t like this with everyone, of course he was gloomy and aloof but he was also protective and kind as seen with his students. It wasn’t like him to hold anyone to the standards of someone else as a teacher he knew better than that. But something about you, your excitement from the first time you came to UA, your unwavering desire to be better, even the way you get along with Hizashi almost instantly, it was like he was viewing an old flame through a different lens.

Aizawa: “I know, I know you’re right. God, you’re right…I’ve been nothing but a menace from the beginning. I don’t even know how to explain why, but…it’s like I keep expecting her to be like someone else and the second she isn’t the way I need her to be I just get furious. She’s so much like him sometimes I forget she isn’t actually him.”

Present Mic: “Like who?…Oboro?” He asked, red light now changing green leading them farther down the streets of downtown Osaka

Aizawa nodded in shame. It was selfish

Present Mic: “You…you can’t do that Shota. I understand you miss him, I miss him too but you don’t see me going around trying to make other people into him. If you can’t see Y/N as just Y/N then just let her g— SHIT THERE SHE IS!!” There you were, out of the corner of his eye he spotted your signature H/C hair slumped against the window of a scummy 24 hour diner. Hizashi turned into the parking lot like a mad man and the two men jumped out

You were a babbling mess, laughing and causing a ruckus with two drunk older men they’d never seen before who grabbed at you like they had other intentions than just having drinks. Your original orange and vanilla scent was now blanketed by a thick layer of booze and syrup when the two approached you. Hizashi screamed at the employees for serving an underage girl so much alcohol but all he was met with was "fuck off" and "eat shit".

Present Mic: “Y/N get up we’re leaving right now” he said with a far more abrasive tone than usual. Aizawa threw your purse and sweater over his shoulder as Hizashi attempted to grab your arm and lead you out of the diner

Y/N: “EW GET OFF ME YOU CREEP! *hiccup* I’m having fun with *hiccup* my friends. Why don’t you and your emo boyfriend *hiccup* FUCK OFF!” You shouted followed by more rowdy laughter from you and the other men

Present Mic: “We’re your friends Y/N, these are just perverts trying to get in your pants. Get up, NOW.” Hizashi made another attempt to take you by the hand but it proved once again to be futile. This time he was met with a hard shove making him stumble backwards, knocking into Aizawa who was still too stunned to even look at your intoxicated state.

Y/N: “I SAID GET OFF ME!”, You kicked at his kneecaps making him buckle over and cackled maniacally, “There’s a bathroom over there *hiccup* why don’t you go get another handjob in it from Best Jeanist!”

Hizashis cheeked reddened in embarrassment, of course he wouldn’t hold it against you for letting out one of his most private moments, after all you were an emotional drunk mess. But betrayal was to great of an emotion to keep under control, and it send him into a hate filled rage.

Present Mic: “FINE STAY HERE THEN! ID RATHER GET HANDJOBS IN A BATHROOM THAN BE A GLORIFIED WALKING POCKET PUSSY!” Hizashi didnt mean any of what he was saying, and in a few hours he would come to regret those words but he was too emotional to recognize the weight of what he was saying. He snatched your belongings off of Aizawas shoulder and threw them back to you before leaving the diner in a huff

Y/N: “What are YOU still doing here?! GO! leave like him ‘HERO’! Go play hero for your other students and leave me behind LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO!” you’re soft interior now began to poke through with tears pricking at the inner corners of your eyes. Even you're most intoxicated state couldn't hide the fact that under it all you were just angry and hurting.

Aizawa: “Y/N please I—

“She’s made up her mind mate, now get lost…”

This couldn't be what you really want. You wanted warmth and kindness in your moment of vulnerability. You wanted hands as gentle as yours to reassure you and give you the same generosity you so willingly give out to others. So if Aizawa knew that why was he walking away from you?

“Tch, look she’s so pretty when she cries…” the man slurred, putting a tight grip on your thigh making his rings imprint in your skin. His fingers inching dangerously close to your sex, a place that even in the most drunkest state you knew to protect, but it was hopeless. You squirmed and shifted to avoid their roaming hands but your head was so fuzzy you could barely function.

Y/N: “I…I think I wanna go home *sniffle* I don’t wanna be here anymore.“ You stated in barely a whisper but it was silenced with another drink being forced to your lips.

Y/N: “No i don’t want it! Where’s N-Natsuo!? Natty!!” now screaming you shoved the side of his face away leaving a scratch mark on the corner of his lip, doing nothing but make him more aggressive

“Don’t be a fucking tease you fucking bit—

SLAM

Suddenly the man’s head smashed face first into the table making blood from his nose splatter across the lipstick stained shot glasses. Above you was a sight you’d never seen before, Aizawa peered over his unconscious body. With a fist full of the man’s greasy hair he dragged him out of the booth and then picking you up after, unfortunately your body was too wobbly to stand on its own so you just slid down on the floor behind him.

“I-I WASNT GONNA TOUCH HER I SWEAR MAN, W-WE WERE JUST MESSING AROUND!” The other man pleaded for mercy in front of Aizawas hauntingly blood red eyes but it didn’t stop the bottom of Aizawas shoe from kicking in 2 of his incisors.

It took Aizawa everything inside him to beat both of them to a pulp. Seeing them put their hands on you made him reach a different kind of fury that he didn’t quite understand yet— and deep down didn’t really want to— because understanding it meant accepting a truth he wasn’t ready for yet. How he felt about you. But for now that didn’t matter, he picked you up bridal style and carried you back to Hizashis car who was still too emotional to say anything or even look at you.

The car ride back to Musutafu was long and quiet. Aizawa could feel you’re shaky breathing as you slept on his lap in the back seat, he silenced all 32 missed calls and 21 unread messages from Emi out of fear it would wake you up. He swore he felt his heart flutter as you muttered cute nothings in your sleep, but brushed it off claiming it was just the left over adrenaline. After all he knew better as an engaged man than to think like that of anyone else, right?

The headache you felt as you awakened was astronomical and the sun beaming in through the window didn’t help one bit. You took a quick look at your phone to read any new messages and alerts, mostly from Natsuo who sent a few pictures of the food places he stopped at in Tokyo. Even in your messy state you knew you were still mad at him for leaving you last minute like he did, so you made it a point to ignore all his attempts to talk to. You took a quick look at the top of the screen

‘Saturday. Thank fucking god’

You thought to yourself, happy that you didn’t have to make any type of effort today to be productive. Nothing sounded better than curling up in your puffy bed sheets and sleeping the day away. But to your surprise when you dragged your arms along the fabric it wasn’t puffy instead it was light and silky. The bed was decorated in a black silk duvet covers with dark grey silk sheets underneath. As you looked around you took note of the bare walls apart from the single college degree framed above the door, the furniture was dark and minimal— it was a man’s room…

Panic was already starting to set in as you wondered what had happened last night. Did you cheat on Natsuo? Had you been roofied? No you couldn’t have been your clothes were still intact??? It made your stomach turn thinking about the possibilities, but thinking was a waste of time if you were in danger it was in your best interest to act as soon as possible.

The sound of footsteps coming up the stairs sent you into fight mode. You’re head hurt too badly to use your quirk effectively so you had no choice but to look for a defense weapon, but there was nothing not even a sharpened pencil on the empty desk in the corner. With them only a few seconds away from the door you bet your safety all on your own strength and shot your best round house kick to the side of their face only for it to be blocked immediately.

Aizawa: “Take it easy…” he muttered. He bent over to pick up the to pick up the items he dropped while blocking your attack: a spare toothbrush, a clean t shirt , a green loofah, and a hair brush— presumably all for you.

Y/N: “Aizawa? Oh my god I-Im so sorry I didn’t realize it was you…”

Aizawa: “No need to apologize, I’d be the same if I woke up in another persons bedroom”, he handed you the toiletries, “the bathroom is down the hall to the left, you’re free to use whatever is in there.”

You nodded, not knowing what else to say you hurried to his bathroom to wash up and rinse the smell of liquor from your skin. You brushed your teeth and wiped the smudged mascara from your eyes before stepping in the large walk in shower. The hot steam from the shower and fresh air from the small bathroom window above you helped you sober up and relieve a bit of the headache. It gave you a brief moment to finally think clearly, suddenly you remembered EVERYTHING. You let out a small gasp at the thought of it all: the argument you and Aizawa had, the foul words you said to Hizashi, the two men, it was all still fuzzy but the pieces were slowly connecting and you sank against the wall in utter humiliation.

After your little self pity session you mustered the strength to leave to bathroom, throwing on the large oversized tee Aizawa had lended you and your pair of jeans from yesterday. You giggled after seeing it was a Gang Orca merch tee shirt, probably belonged to a cousin or nephew of his.

In the kitchen Aizawa was getting together a sad excuse of a breakfast for you; the bacon was burnt and the eggs over salted but he was putting his last efforts into making these blueberries pancakes he saw on Hizashis Pinterest board

Aizawa: “Damn it, was it supposed to be baking powder or baking sod—

Y/N: “morning”, you muttered softly, he turned around and felt the gravity around him stop working as he looked at you in his tee shirt hanging gently off your shoulder. His efforts to fight his feelings by giving you the least attractive shirt he were failing miserably. He turned around after bidding a small ‘morning’ to you, and returned back to his cooking. Breakfast was dead silent as you waited for your taxi.

Y/N: “Aizawa…did…did we fuck last night?”

His muscles tensed and his cheeks turned a pale red at the sudden question

Aizawa: “What?! No why would you ask that? I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Y/N: “Oh yeah, I forgot you hate me you’d never stoop so low to have sex with someone like me right?” You got up pushing the empty plate away from you

Aizawa: “No that’s not what I meant. I’ve never hated you Y/N!” he said maneuvering around the kitchen counter to catch you from walking out the door, “I’m sorry for everything, but if you just let me explain why I acted the way I did—

Y/N: “I’m putting in a request for a different mentor on Monday, I’ll be switching to Midnight or maybe Cementoss, so don’t even worry I won’t be your parasite anymore.” Your words left him with nothing to say, it’s not like he could convince you he thought otherwise when none of his actions showed that he respected or cared for you, “you won’t have to worry about me wasting anymore time and money, bye Aizawa…”

You opened the front door only to be met with a shorter woman with cyan hair and a nasty scowl plastered across her face that grew the more she looked at you

Y/N: “Your boyfriends a cunt.” You spat before finally leaving the complex, the sound of arguing coming from the apartment following immediately after…

“Y/N!! Y/N!! Y/N!! Y/N!!” Class 1A chanted as you took on another student in the combat training battles before heading to USJ.

It turns out transferring to another mentor is easier said than done especially when dealing with international students, so you had about a week before you could officially switch to Midnight. Making the most of it seemed like the best option. Before the transfer week ended you were able to patched things up with Hizashi in a two hour long crying session between the both of you, however, nothing changed between you and Aizawa. He made multiple attempts to apologize but it was no use, you avoided him everywhere: in class, in the hallways, in the break room and even in one on one training, you never said a word and only nodded when he gave you advice. Occasionally you’d catch him glance at you from his desk but your eyes never latched for more than a second before he returned back to his work. The both of your were strangers.

Y/N: “ There’s no shame in tapping out Bakugo! Our combat styles are wildly different, admit kid it you’re not winning this one!” he laughed as you locked him in with a double under hook

Bakugo: “RRRR SHUT UP YOU REJECT—“ you cut him off finishing with a power twist and slamming him into the mats, his face blushing beet red when you helped him to his feet

Mina: “Y/N THAT WAS SO FUCKIN AWESOME! YOU EVEN TOOK DOWN TODOROKI!”

Todoroki: “Yeah, maybe be a little less aggressive next time…”

Kirishima: “Alright alright move aside I’m fighting next!”

Y/N: “Maybe next time Kiri you guys should go get your hero suits on and get ready for your USJ training today! I’ll see you guys at lunch time!” You waved goodbye to the children

The next hour was peaceful you spent it with Hizashi tweaking some parts of your newhero suit. Your old on was admittedly, well, a hunk of shit. You put it together yourself in your college dorm since you couldn’t get help from your schools support department, obviously you were never meant to be a hero so in their eyes what was the point? So you took some skinny jeans and a sleeveless top and attached holsters to the side with fabric glue and gorilla glue to hold your weapons, but it was NOTHING in comparison to what Hatsume prepared. In as little as 2 hours she crafted a red and purple one piece suit with a voice mask to carry the sound of your quirk farther, it had a utility belt to hold one of your stun guns on each side and a small med kit in the front, and two back straps to hold your ninjatōs. It was the finest piece of hero material you’ve ever been given, but it needed some last touches…

Hizashi: “Who would ruin such a beautiful piece of metal like that?! Who even is Jaylen?” He asked as he watched you carve into the side of your sword

Y/N: “He’s my…he was my big brother. I always put his name on my material to honor him” You muttered in response

Hizashi: “Oh I-I’m so sorry…I couldn’t imagine how it feels to lose a sibling. Losing him must have been like losing a part of yourself.” He sunk into his seat embarrassed by his poor manners

Y/N: “For someone who’s never experienced it you explained the feeling pretty well” you chuckled lightly while finishing up the last letter, “there must be some skeletons in your closet too huh?”

Hizashi: “Something like that…”

Y/N: “WHAT?! HIZASHI WERE ON FIRST NAME BASIS NOW YOU CANT CLIFFHANGER ME LIKE THAT!” You flailed like a child having an episode

Hizashi: “PAYBACKS A BITCH Y/N!!” You both cackled before hearing an urgent knock on his classroom door. If you had known what the emergency was you wouldn’t have taken so long to answer it.

Y/N: “Iida? Oh my god are you okay?! Your sweating like a dog!!”

Iida: “MISS Y/N…THE USJ…VILLAINS ARE ATTACKING THE USJ!!” He yelled in between violent huffs

You felt your body go numb and hot at the same time.

This isn’t real? This isn’t happening right now is it? You thought to yourself

But it was. All the teachers racing to the USJ center, Hizashi motioning you to get your hero suit on, Nezu staying behind and comforting the other students while Recovery girl called the police. It was all real, and you were right in the middle of it running right along side them to fight an enemy you knew nothing about.

Please be okay, don’t you dare fucking die you mangy haired idiot. I still need to give you your shirt back, I still need to show you how wrong you were about me!

I still need the chance to make you proud even if I hate it!

Just stay alive!

Your thoughts moved too fast for you too keep up with, then silenced at the sight. Everything was destroyed, students hurt and screaming, a monster…towering over Aizawas crushed body.

Y/N: “What the hell is that Hizashi?”

Hizashi: “…It’s a Nomu.”

All characters belong to Kohei Horikoshi. Story belongs to @nonbinaryeggrolls do not steal

#aizawa x poc!reader #aizawa x y/n #aizawa angst #shoto aizawa #aizawa smut #hawks fluff #mha headcanons #mha smut #my hero academia hawks #mha #bakugo katuski #midoriya izuku #aizawa x reader #poc reader #mha oc #hawks x y/n #uraraka #izuku #kirishima

[jalapeno-princess]

Coming Home

(Picking only one gif was extremely difficult just look @ him)

Jeong Yunho X Reader

Word Count: 8.8k

Genre: Angst, Ex’s to lovers, fluff (happy ending)

Warnings: Mentions of reader being stalked/followed by a stranger

Summary: After a long day of studying for finals at your campus library, you didn’t realize just how immersed you were in to your work until you saw that it was practically midnight. As you began walking home to your apartment, you noticed that someone began following you. Fearing for your life, you decide to call the only person you know could calm you down in such a frightening moment like this; your ex-boyfriend Jeong Yunho.

A/N: YOOOOOOO guys GUESS WHO’S BACK AFTER SUCH A LONG TIME? Okay, so, a couple things have happened since I’ve last posted an imagine. Unfortunately, I am no longer a Got7 stan (I know, I hate myself. I literally cried when I came to the realization.) It’s probably because of their hiatus (and I have the attention span of a peanut) (I think I might have adhd) so I will admit, I did get tired of waiting for them and even when they did come back, I wasn’t all that excited. However, Got7 saved my life when I first discovered them and they will always hold a very special place in my heart. Now, I am currently a huge fan of Ateez and I’ve decided to just post any Ateez stories I decide to write (instead of making an Ateez blog only because I doubt I’m really going to write as many stories as I did about Mark). I’m sorry for disappointing any one of you, but I hope you will enjoy this story! It’s pretty rough since it’s my first one in a very long time (I’m rusty). This is based on the song See You Later (Ten Years) by Jenna Raine.

It's funny 'cause I've always dreamed of me and you Now here we are Staring at the stars You just broke my heart even though you promised You'd never do that from the start But I guess we can only make it so far

'Cause time wasn't in our favour This isn't goodbye, this is simply see you laterLet me know when it's time to come back Maybe when your life is on track And you don't have to hesitate Hopefully it isn't too late Luckily for you, I'm patient I'm okay with your making me wait And as long as you're near, I'll be here Even if it takes ten years

Looking at your watch, you sighed softly to yourself in frustration seeing how late it was. 

11:15 P.M. 

You were well aware that it wasn’t the best idea to stay at the campus library for as long as you did; especially because from past experiences, during midterms and finals, you’d be so concentrated on studying that it took you a while to realize just how long you held your head between your books for. It also didn’t help that winter was quickly approaching and the temperature had to be at least 45°. 

The thin cardigan you were wearing didn’t do much in keeping you warm and you were soon regretting leaving your apartment at all that day. As much as you wanted to stay home in the comfort of your humble abode, the library held a lot of the books you needed for the upcoming literature test on Tuesday. Besides, being in your apartment all by yourself was suffocating—especially under the current circumstances. 

Biting your tongue at the many upsetting thoughts that began to fill your mind, you put on your AirPods and began to make your way back to your apartment. Living less than twenty minutes away from your university was pretty ideal; to the point where you’d walk to school on most days. However, this was the first time you walked home by yourself so late at night. 

You could feel your chest tighten up as memories from two months ago began to play in your head and before you knew it, tears began to well up in your eyes. Some of the best moments of your life—moments spent with him. The love of your life—your soulmate—your person—the man you wholeheartedly believed you were going to spend the rest of your life with—Jeong Yunho. 

It hasn’t been all that long since the two of you mutually decided that it was best for the both of you to go your separate ways—yet the heartbreak that you were going through seemed to get more and more painful as the days went on. Who could blame you? The two of you were together since junior year in high school—spending seven years of your life with someone—some of the best years of your life for that matter—you accepted the fact that it would take a very long time to move on. 

Some days were better than others; you took on two extra classes and worked overtime at your job to distract yourself from overanalyzing what used to be—what could have been if you tried a little harder. Trying your best to push away the idea of him and any of your memories together to the best of your ability, you dragged your feet in the direction of your apartment. Being so late at night, it didn’t surprise you that there were hardly any cars driving on the road. You considered Korea to be relatively safe, so you didn’t really think much of your surroundings. 

There were countless times where you would go exploring on your own whenever Yunho was working or at school himself. Everything was fine for most of the walk; there were quite a bit of streetlights and you passed by a couple of people. It wasn’t until the hairs on the back of your neck began to rise when you heard heavy footsteps treading not too far behind you. 

Maybe someone was heading home just like you were—maybe it was someone who had also been at the library, or even leaving work. There was no reason for you to be so paranoid. Your curiosity; and the chicken skin that now encompassed both your arms started to get the best of you. Reaching for your phone and pretending that you were trying to FaceTime someone, you decided to see what the person looked like. 

Not wanting to draw any attention to yourself, you decided not to turn around for obvious reasons. When you saw the taller, broader figure wearing all black behind you, your heart sank to your chest. 

He’s just walking y/n, stop worrying so much. 

Trying harder to convince yourself that the stranger wasn’t someone you had to be worried about, you slowly let out a few shallow breaths—not wanting him to catch on to your paranoia. Something inside of you told you to take a different direction; not going home just yet in attempts to see whether or not he would follow you. 

As you turned left, you noticed that this was a road that mainly families and elderly people who were settled down resided in. To your dismay, the footsteps only grew louder and soon you were running out of ideas. He was in fact following you and you had no clue as to what you should do. Unlocking your phone, you scanned through your contacts—your parents were currently on a trip in Hawaii, and you didn’t want to worry them with your current predicament. 

It wasn’t like they could do all that much to help you anyway—being over 5,000 miles away. You thought about calling one of your friends—specifically Mingi or Seonghwa, but they were also Yunho’s friends who you became close with because of him. Although you’d consider them family at this point after knowing them for almost the same amount of time you’ve known Yunho for, you haven’t seen or spoken to them since the breakup and you didn’t want to burden them after not contacting them in months. 

The thought of calling Yunho actually popped up before you considered anybody else; he was always the first person you would go to for anything and everything that happened in your life. No matter what it was—whether it was something so amazing, or something so terrible, your ex-boyfriend was the first person you sought solace from. 

Ex-boyfriend. 

That word felt so unfamiliar and you hated how it felt on your tongue. Not once throughout your seven year relationship with the older boy would you have ever pictured not having him in your life. 

The two of you started off as friends; being paired up in science class during your freshman year—Yunho was a lot more shy back then, but you were the definition of a social butterfly and it didn’t take long for Yunho to come out of his shell. Before either of you could notice it, you became the best of friends in a span of three months. 

If only you weren’t literally moments away from a panic attack, you’d smile softly at the image of a teenage Yunho. He was already so humongous; he was the tallest student in your graduating class. His hair was much longer in high school, his cheeks were puffier and his features were sharper and more defined. Back when life was so much easier and the two of you were much happier. 

Having an internal argument with yourself; weighing out the pros and cons of what could happen if you were to call him, you let the fear of what could happen to you if you continued to walk down a dark and empty road overpower the worry of contacting your ex-boyfriend for the first time after your extremely painful breakup. Dialing the only number you knew by heart, you felt as though you were about to pass out after the first ring. 

“Please—please pick up. Please—“

“Y/n?” If you weren’t so scared right now, hearing his raspy voice that you loved and missed so much would have stopped your thinking process, but you were too busy trying to think about what your next move was. 

“H—hey. Hi. I—I’m so sorry—I—I know it’s been a while and—and I—I’m sorry—“

“Y/n—y/n, is everything okay? You sound like you’re out of breath—where are you?” 

Trying your best to slow down your racing heart, your cheeks warmed up at the realization that he picked up on the second ring. Hearing him worry about you filled your chest with so much warmth—but the feeling was quick to disappear as you began to tell him of your situation. 

“I—I was walking home from school and I was minutes away from my apartment when I felt like someone was following me. At first—I just—I told myself I was overreacting but, he’s been following me for ten minutes now—“

“Where are you—did you—are you still sharing your location with me?” 

As much as you didn’t want to torture yourself with anything related to Yunho, you couldn’t delete anything. You weren’t strong enough mentally nor physically to delete the hundreds and thousands of photos and videos, nor the text messages and voicemails he’d send to you. Maybe it was the fact that you and Yunho were a couple for so long, or because you held on to the hope that you’d get back together someday—you just didn’t want to get rid of him from your life completely. Yunho was all you’ve known for most of your life and he was all you ever wanted to know. Plus, you made him a promise in the beginning of your relationship when he first shared your location with himself. 

“Although I plan on spending the rest of my life with you, promise me that no matter what happens to us, you’ll always share your location with me. I need to know that you’re safe at all times—even if there’s ever a time where we can’t be together.”  

He was always so overprotective when it came to you, but you were fond of the many ways he sheltered you, protected you and how he made your safety and well-being his number one priority. You didn’t realize just how much you missed him checking up on you; whether it was seeing how your day was going, if you were eating all your meals and staying hydrated—or sending you some words of encouragement at school or work—maybe a couple of cheeky pick-up lines here and there—until you no longer received anything from him. 

But you were the one who initiated the breakup; it took over a month for you to come to the hardest decision you ever made in your entire life. However, both you and Yunho were extremely busy; after you graduated from college with your bachelor’s degree in special education, you decided to go back for your master’s shortly after. A choice Yunho highly encouraged. 

He went straight to medical school once he graduated from community college. His dream of becoming a doctor was one he’s been working extremely hard for since the 3rd grade. You were each other’s biggest support systems. Although it was hard for both of you, you did whatever you could for one another to make sure you both achieved your goals. Unfortunately, both your schedules became too packed to fit in any time together. When you were at work, he would be at school and when you were at school, he’d be clocking in to work. You had weekends off, where as he worked both days. 

Although you lived together, you hardly got to see each other and the distance, along with the many fights that began to break out as a result of too much stress on your end and his—you couldn’t continue being in a relationship you felt you were being suffocated in. His support was no longer reaching you, and the two of you were too tired to be intimate; not even having time to kiss each other more than just a peck if you were lucky. 

On that September night where you built up the courage to sit him down and tell him what was clouding your mind, you felt as though your heart was being ripped out from your chest. It was the first time you saw Yunho cry over you. He never really had a reason to. You were so happy together; your relationship was the envy of everyone who knew of you and Yunho. 

The two of you hardly ever fought and if you did, it was over something so stupid like him leaving the toilet seat up or you leaving a coffee cup in the sink. Wherever one of you were to go, everyone expected the other to be. You were both so madly in love with one another—making it known that God made you for each other. Which is why nobody believed it when you announced your break up. How could two people who embodied the perfect definition of soulmates come to the decision that they no longer wanted to be together? 

Mingi even told you that he thought the two of you were trying to mess with him and refused to believe the heartbreaking news. It took Yunho many attempts to let him know that it was in fact over between you both. He tried his best to beg you to stay; he reminded you that he couldn’t live without you, that he loved you more than he thought he could ever love someone, that what was a couple of rocky months when he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you—he promised that he would make time for you and that he would change. 

He apologized for taking out his anger and frustrations on you, and told you that he would be nothing if you were to leave. Hearing him say all those things, on top of hearing his heart-wrenching cries as he held on to you so tightly caused you to genuinely reconsider your decision. You didn’t want to break up with him—the thought of not being able to wake up in his warm and comforting arms, all the while looking at his handsome smile as he kissed you all across your face in the morning—sitting on his lap as he played his favorite video games, trying out different recipes together that you’d see on the food network, cuddling together on the couch while watching a movie, having him lie down on your lap as you’d read a book to him, staying up on the phone with him while he’d go to America for different healthcare conventions—the thought of not being his is what tore you apart completely. 

What was worse was the thought of another woman in your shoes. It made you sick to your stomach thinking about another woman kissing him—hugging him—being intimate with him—loving him and being loved by him in ways only you should be allowed to. However, you allowed your temporary unhappiness triumph everything else and once Yunho saw how you weren’t relenting, he stopped trying. If you wanted a breakup, no matter how much he didn’t want to, he loved you to much to continue hurting you in the ways you were claiming he did.

“Yeah—I—I actually don’t even know where I am. I just turned down a street—“

“Is he still following you? Can you FaceTime me please?” 

Without hesitation, no matter how unprepared you were to see him, you didn’t care at this point. You weren’t thinking straight and you knew Yunho would have a better idea of what to do. You could feel yourself lighten up a little bit when his soft, delicate and extremely handsome features appeared on your phone screen.

“Tilt the camera behind you carefully.” 

You recognized that he was currently at Mingi’s apartment. Right after the breakup, he walked out without any of his things. You wanted to tell him that he could stay for the night, but even if you offered him to, you knew there was a huge chance he didn’t want to be around you. Especially because you broke his heart. To this day, the image of his red eyes, furrowed brows and broken form still haunts you. He didn’t deserve any of that; he was such a bright and bubbly person. You claimed that he was the actual sun in human form. Yet, your relationship grew so cold, you didn’t feel anything towards him but a burden. 

“Y/n—he’s—he’s still there. Asshole—I swear to God, I’ll kill the bastard—ah, damnit. Okay, stay—stay calm okay? I’m going to leave right now—“

It was two minutes away from midnight now and you felt like crying. Everything was so overwhelming; you were being stalked by someone two times your size and it led you to calling up your ex-boyfriend. Why was this all happening at once? You couldn’t wrap your head around it. Here you were, putting the same man who’s world you flipped upside down in a span of a day through something he shouldn’t be worrying about. Did you hate him that much? Yunho didn’t deserve to be treated this way; yet he was trying his best to help you even if there was a chance he was probably sleeping. 

“I—didn’t realize—midnight—Yunho, I’m so sorry—you don’t have to come, please just stay on the phone with me—“

“If you think even for two seconds that I’m not going to come and get you, you’ve lost your mind. Okay, tell me, do you see anyone else? Or, better yet, is there any kind of store—anywhere you can run in to until I arrive? You’re ten minutes away, but I don’t want you alone for much longer.” 

Hearing how he still cared so much about you made you regret your decisions and you wanted nothing more than to go back and change everything. You knew that if the two of you were still together, tonight would never had happened. There was no way in hell Yunho would ever allow you to walk home at night by yourself. He used to playfully scold you if you went somewhere by yourself that he considered dangerous. 

You hardly went anywhere without him or his friends, but on the rare occasions where you’d go grocery shopping late at night, he’d come pick you up and tell you how worried he was for you. Thankfully, your many prayers were answered when you saw a convenience store in your peripheral vision. 

“There’s a 24-hour convenience store—“

“Good. Go there. But don’t make it obvious okay? He might just chase after you and—I don’t even want to think about anything bad happening to you. Stay with me and let me know when you get in the store.” After what felt like hours—which you knew was probably less than two minutes, you released the loudest sigh of relief as the cashier greeted you once you walked in. 

“Okay. I’m here now.”

“Thank God.” He also sounds a lot more relieved, and you were now very grateful that you decided to call him. Nobody else would have been able to calm your nerves like he did so effortlessly. 

“Thank you so much Yunho—I don’t know what I would have done without you. I’m sorry for bothering you—I’m—I’m sorry—“

“No. I won’t be having any of that. Stop apologizing. I would do anything for you. You should already know that. You’re never a bother. I don’t care that we’re not a couple anymore, you know you can call me whenever and I’ll be there no matter what. Is he gone now? Do you still see him?” 

Every single word that fell from his mouth tugged on your heartstrings and you didn’t even notice that you were crying now. Although they could have been tears of relief, you were confident they were emotional and overwhelming tears. You were still so madly in love with Yunho; there was no doubt about it. However, with all the events that happened within the last hour, it made you accept the fact that you couldn’t live without him anymore. 

“I—I don’t see him. But I don’t know, I—I think I’m just a little frazzled—“

“I’m almost there okay? I’m about four minutes away. Don’t leave the store until I get there.” 

Although he was obviously just as scared as you were, his soft voice help calm your racing heart. How did you go two months living without this man? There were so many times where Yunho would comfort you—whether you had a terrible day at work, or failed a very important test. He would hold you so tightly, as if he were to lose you if he let you go—while running his fingers through your hair—whispering words of comfort and encouragement. You missed how much he loved and cared about you. Before you could say anything else, you were being pulled into a broad chest that you knew belong to Yunho. His arms were now wrapped tightly around your lower back as his face was buried in the crook of your neck. 

“Hey—hi—um—hi—I’m so glad you’re okay. I felt like I was going to pass out hearing you so scared—God y/n, I literally ran three red lights to get here—“

“You didn’t have to do that—“

“Stop. Like I said, I would do anything for you. That means getting a ticket or even going to jail if it meant protecting you. Now, as much as I want to keep talking about this, I’m sure the employee thinks we’re crazy. I’ll take you home.” 

You felt disappointed once he released you from his embrace, but it was your decision to no longer be able to hug him whenever you wanted to. As cliche as it sounded, whenever you’d hear the phrase “home is where the heart is” you always considered Yunho to be your home. Home wasn’t necessarily just a roof above your head. Home wasn’t just a place you’d return to after a long day. Home wasn’t just somewhere to sleep. Home was wherever you felt safest—and only three months in to your relationship did you accept Jeong Yunho was your home. 

After being in his warm embrace after two long and dreadful months, it just confirmed how you haven’t been the same since. You just assumed this breakup was for the best—that you were a distraction to Yunho and that it was in his best interest to focus on his career without the burden of a relationship. But you couldn’t have been more wrong. “

Wait—you were walking home alone in the freezing cold wearing just this sweater—oh—you—you still have this?” 

Back in high school, when you were first introduced to Yunho’s family, his mother simply adored you. She always pestered Yunho about confessing his feelings to you. She claimed you were everything she could ever want in a future daughter-in-law and more. For your 16th birthday, she gave you a box filled with a bunch of cute things. Some notepads, mechanical pencils, butterfly shaped earrings, a rainbow keychain, fuzzy socks and the sweater you were currently wearing. Apparently, Yunho picked it out; claiming that he loved how cream colored outfits really accentuated your delicate features. It was one of your favorite things to ever own. 

“Yeah of course I do. It’s my favorite sweater, why wouldn’t I have it?”

“I—I don’t know. It’s such an old sweater, and you’ve bought nicer ones—“

“Well, your mom bought it for my birthday…and you once said it was your favorite thing for me to wear other than your clothes—“

You didn’t know just how much you should be revealing to him and it didn’t dawn on you how the two of you were talking so comfortably to one another. As if you were still friends—as if the breakup never happened—as if you were still together. No. You couldn’t think like that. It didn’t matter that Yunho came out tonight to save you. You were sure anyone would have done that for you; any ex-boyfriend would have done the same. Right? Wrong. 

Nobody in their right minds would go out of their way, leaving the warmth of their apartment to enter the freezing cold; to speed on the road covered in snow for a girl who broke up with them because the relationship was getting too much for her to handle. But this was Yunho. Like he mentioned twice already; he would do anything for you without hesitation. There were countless times throughout your relationship that he would drop what he was doing to go and be with you. 

Last October, he was in New York for school and he found out you had a kidney stone—he was on the next flight back home and stayed with you for the four days you were in the hospital for. When your grandmother passed away, he was out hiking with his family and didn’t even hesitate to leave them in order to be with you. Every single time he felt that you needed him, even if you weren’t the one to call him, he’d be there. Like the gentleman he was, he opened the passenger door for you, but held you in place as he took off the scarf he was wearing to wrap it around your neck. It was foreign—yet all so familiar. Being this close in proximity with him; having him give up a clothing item to keep you warm. He always put you first, even before himself. Your happiness made him happy. 

“You’re freezing y/n—still the same—not caring about your health. Silly girl.” 

Your heart rate that was now back to it’s normal pace now felt as if it was about to leap from out of your chest. Jeong Yunho would always have this kind of effect on you, no matter how long it’s been. A tiny smile rose upon your face as you sank down in the passenger seat and thanking him softly. After closing your door, he quickly jumped in to his side and began reversing out of the parking lot. 

“Don’t get me wrong, you’re one of the most intelligent people I know, but staying out past 11, knowing you’re going to walk home by yourself? Do you not understand how dangerous that is y/n? You don’t know just how long he was probably following you for. You—he could’ve kidnapped you and—I don’t even want to think about it. He’s lucky I wasn’t there—I—let’s not talk about this anymore. I’m so pissed off—“ 

Seeing his jaw clench as his fingers tightened around the steering wheel sent a fire to your bones. Yunho was known to be a very happy-go-lucky individual. His friends even gave him the nickname golden retriever because of how energetic and friendly he was. You could count the amount of times he’s gotten angry on one hand. He was a firm believer in not wasting life on negative moments. However, you understood why he was so furious. Now that you were safe, you actually began to think about the entire horrific situation. 

What was the man’s intentions? How long was he following you for? How long did he plan on following you for? Where did he come from? Yunho was right, what’s done was done—there was no point in dwelling on it right now. All that mattered was that you were safe. The rest of the car ride was extremely quiet. Neither of you said anything else; you know there was a lot that he wanted to say. You had a lot on your mind also—but you didn’t think you had the right to say anything. You were afraid of walking on eggshells and making things worse between you two. It didn’t take long for him to reach your apartment structure seeing as how close you were an hour earlier. 

You tried to look at his facial expression in the rear view mirror and it was blank. Being with him for so long, you were confident that he was fuming—hearing you freak out over the phone probably shook him up pretty good as well. You were sure that even if it happened to anyone else, he would’ve had the same reaction. Once he parked in a stall and turned off the car, you felt a weight sink on your shoulders. This was your cue to leave—before you’d say anything you’d regret and end up losing him forever. 

“Yunho, I could never thank you enough for what you did tonight. You literally saved my life. Thank you. Thank you so much—If there’s anything I can do to show my gratitude, please let me know. I—you—we—I should go. Please get home safely.” 

Before you could give him any time to say something, you ran out the car and made a beeline to your apartment. The tears were hot on your face as they fell down your cheeks. 

Stupid, stupid girl. He saved your life tonight and all you could give him was that pathetic half assed thank you? 

It was just too much. Being with him. Sitting in a car with him knowing that you’re broken up. Trying your best not to lean over and kiss his cheek—ruffle his hair or intertwine your hands in his like you used to. It was just too much for your heart to take in one night. Right as you made it to your apartment, you let yourself in and barely shut the door before sinking down and sobbing in to your hands. 

I’m so sorry. I made a mistake. I should have never broken up with you. I’m still so head over heels in love with you. You deserve so much better than me. It took being followed and stalked for me to realize just how lucky I am to have you—to have had you. 

Those words were at the back of your throat, but they couldn’t come out. You didn’t deserve to say those things. Not after everything you put him through. Not when his best friend called you at two in the morning begging you to change your mind; telling you that Yunho was crying every single day since the break up—asking Mingi to help him be a better boyfriend to you. Asking him what he could have done to prevent you from leaving. Not when he sent you a bouquet of sunflowers on your first day back teaching even if you were no longer together—not when he texted you the first week after the breakup asking you what he did wrong and why you didn’t tell him about what you were feeling sooner. 

You always knew the love Yunho held for you was the kind of love you thought could only exist in books and movies. A love that so many people craved and desired to experience at least once in their lives. How lucky were you to have been able to find somebody who loves you and thinks the entire world of you like Yunho did. Why didn’t you try harder? Why did you let him go so easily? Why did you wait so long to come to this realization? 

Your chest began to heave and you felt like you were actually going to throw up. Your head was throbbing and you couldn’t breathe. When you heard a gentle knock on the door, you froze—deep down you already knew who was on the opposite side. You just weren’t ready to explain why you were crying. Yes—after everything that happened with the stranger, you were probably scarred. But you forgot all of that—the only thing that you could think about was the beautiful boy of the outside of your apartment. 

“Y/n—please—please open up. Y/n. Please—“ 

A part of you hesitated—the part that was worried about what would happen once you did open the door. You were afraid of acting on instant; saying something you shouldn’t or doing something unlike you in the heat of the moment. However, it was extremely cold outside and he already gave you his scarf. Plus, it was the least you could do for him after all that he did for you. 

As soon as you opened the door, he wasted no time in placing both his hands to either sides of your face and smashed his mouth against yours; not giving you any chance to react. His lips were chapped—they were rough against yours and albeit a bit cold from the cool air outside. For the first couple of seconds, you were still in shock by his sudden movements. Honestly, you had no idea how to react. Everything was happening all at once; he continued to suck harshly on your mouth, licking and sucking your bottom lip. 

Kissing Yunho had to be one of your favorite things to do with him; he was such a passionate kisser and he had the cutest heart shaped lips. He was also the type to ask you for a kiss—that’s just how much of a gentleman he was. Although you’ve told him many times that you were fine with him kissing you whenever he wanted, he still felt the need to get your permission. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt you or cross any lines that he shouldn’t. 

Right as you finally came to your senses and decided to respond to the kiss, he abruptly pulled away. His heavy breathing filled the room and just by his body language, he had to be feeling uncomfortable with your lack of response. You could feel your stomach sink when he began to walk away from you and started to pace back and forth from your sofa to the dining room table. Why did you keep having to make things worse? Why did you keep hurting the man who obviously still held feelings for you? 

Although you wanted him to make the next move, you refused to allow him to beat himself up about how you were acting towards him. Yunho had a tendency to overthink and sometimes overreact. He hated that trait, but he couldn’t help himself. Yunho was the definition of a people pleaser. Even when people were mean to him, he still treated them with the upmost kindness. The beautiful boy in front of you had not a single mean bone in him. 

Sometimes, you wished that Yunho grew thicker skin and wasn’t so naive about the way people would take advantage of him. It always broke your heart whenever he’d come home defeated after one of the doctors he’d work alongside would make a negative remark about him—or when his professors would give him a low grade for assignments. Hesitantly, you took a couple of steps toward him—slowly, in order to get a sense of how he was feeling. He didn’t stop you; he stood still as though he too was waiting to see what you would do. 

“I’m sorry—I—I shouldn’t have come in—I should’ve just left—I’m sorry for kissing you, that was way out of line. I just couldn’t think straight. When you called me earlier, I—I thought I was hallucinating. Your ringtone; I thought Mingi was messing with me. So when I heard your sweet voice, I was over the moon. I thought maybe—just maybe you couldn’t continue living without me because God knows what a train wreck I am without you. But I was quick to notice your broken whispers and let me tell you—that had to be the scariest fifteen minutes of my entire life. Like I said, the thought of losing you—I would go insane. Which is why I had to come back here and make sure you got in safely.”

“Yunho—“

“It’s not a coincidence. God knows we need one another. Although I could have done without you going through all of that, maybe this was meant to happen so that we would accept the fact that we’re not happy. Well, at least I’m not. Haven’t been since the break up. Hugging you—holding you in that convenience store, it made me realize that life is too damn short for us to keep pretending as if nothing is wrong. For us to keep living a life that the other one isn’t in. You called me first—I’m not stupid and you don’t have to confirm it; I know I was probably the first person you called. You could’ve called your family or even one of the guys, but no. You called me. It’s because you know you can trust me. You know that I would go to the ends of this earth to keep you safe. To protect you and keep you out of harms way. I don’t know about you, but I’m sorry—I can’t keep living without you anymore. I’m not even living; I’m just existing. Every single day is nothing short of depressing. You’re my lifeline y/n. My purpose. Everything I do, I do it to make you smile. To make you happy. To take care of you, to provide for you and to make sure you’re experiencing nothing but the best life. It’s what you deserve. I just want you to be happy y/n, even if that means I can’t be the reason behind your happiness—“ 

Neither you or Yunho were ready for what you did next, but it all felt so natural; getting on your tip toes, reconnecting your lips together—all the while your arms snaked around his waist, pulling him as close to your body as you possibly could. Being followed by a stranger for over twenty minutes—that felt all too real. Fear always felt so real. But this, being back in the arms of the person you loved more than life itself; it felt like you were dreaming. It was too good to be true. 

Yunho wasted no time in deepening the kiss, returning his hands back to your face—as if he was making sure that you were actually there and not a figment of his imagination. You could feel tears falling down your cheek, but they weren’t yours. There were only four times you ever saw Yunho cry in your nine years of knowing him. The first time was when he found out his grandfather had cancer, the second time where he sprained his ankle during a soccer game in junior year, the third time Christopher Robin together and the fourth time, when you told him you were leaving. 

Nothing hurt more than seeing him cry; he always put others before himself—he was always smiling and tried his best not to show any other feeling than contentment. As much as you wanted to continue making out with him, there were things that needed to be said. Slowly, you pulled yourself away from Yunho; bringing both your hands up to his face to gently wipe the tears away. His eyes were watery and quickly turning red which tugged so tightly on your heartstrings. He gave you a soft smile—your movements obviously had a good effect on him. 

You reached for his hand and brought him towards the couch, allowing him to sit as you stood in between his legs. He looked at you in curiosity; probably wondering why you weren’t sitting down to which you gave him a simple shrug. Grabbing for your hands, he intertwined his fingers with yours and squeezed it—encouraging you to say whatever it was that he knew had to be on your mind. 

That’s something you admired about the beautiful boy in front of you, he was very observant and he was an amazing listener. You brought one of his hands up to your mouth and left a chaste kiss on it, earning the sweetest little smile he could muster up in a situation like this. After a couple of minutes just enjoying the peaceful silence between the two of you, you decided to tell him what you’ve been wanting to say right after the breakup. 

“You’re right. You were the first person I called. You were the first person I thought of, even before my parents. They’re actually not here right now, but even if they were, I still would’ve called you. I know, I was stupid and I should’ve kept track of the time, but I genuinely haven’t been myself since that night. Right after you left, I felt as if a part of me died. Probably the happiness—the part that received so much love, affection, consideration, trust, hope—I am happiest with you, you know that. You never fail to make me smile. No matter how hard my day could get, just the mere thought of you made even the worst days so much better. I could do anything with you by my side. But, I let the negative thoughts get to me. We were fighting all the time—we hardly got to see each other towards the end of our relationship and when we did, I hated being around you. Not once did I ever feel that way. Maybe it was because I felt as if I was no longer a priority to you or because I felt like a burden. I felt as if our relationship was ruining the both of us and you didn’t seem to notice. Maybe you did but you just didn’t care—“

“I did notice. How could I not? You’re on my mind every single second of the day. What you’re doing, how you’re doing, if you’re eating all your meals on time, if you’re overworking yourself, if you’re staying hydrated and drinking at least eight cups of water a day—what I can do to make you laugh, if you’re thinking about me. I noticed we were growing distant but I didn’t want to say anything in fear of upsetting you. I thought that if I gave you your space, things would settle down and maybe you would come to me and talk to me when you were ready. Damnit, I should’ve said something as soon as I noticed the change—I should’ve been there for you, I should’ve tried harder—“ 

Hearing him blame himself for the entire situation made you all the more frustrated with yourself. He was probably beating himself up about this for the last two months, thinking he was at fault for the fall of your relationship. Neither of you were to blame. Time wasn’t always in either of your favors but you did your best to make it work. You shook your head and cupped his cheek, releasing a sigh of relief when he leaned in to your palm. You really did not deserve Yunho; he deserved so much better and yet you were selfish. All you did was take, take, take because he was so quick to give. Little did you realize how much of a terrible human being you were for thinking he was the bad guy. 

Not only did you not try harder in fighting for your relationship—but you weren’t making time for him either. You weren’t checking up on him to see how he was doing. Everyone knew medical school was extremely tiring and you didn’t even try to encourage him or support him. Sure, you were just as tired as he was but that wasn’t an excuse. He must’ve been so sad and so lonely. 

“No. Don’t you dare blame this on yourself. We weren’t always the best at communicating but that’s also because we never really had anything to argue or disagree on. You are an amazing person Yunho. You’re so kind, patient, understanding—so caring, loving, considerate, comforting and generous. You literally risked a speeding ticket to make sure I was okay—“

“And I’d do it again in a heartbeat—“ 

You playfully pinched his cheek at the interruption before grazing your thumb right below his eye. He needed to know how sorry you were, how he didn’t deserve all the pain and the grief you’ve put him through. He needed to know that you were well aware that the breakup was an extremely terrible brief lapse of judgement on your end and that if you could go back in time to change things, you would. 

“I’m sorry. I knew I was putting you through hell—all the fights were so stupid. I was the one who started most of them and I did it because I felt neglected. I felt like that was the only way to get your attention. I don’t understand where it all went wrong. But I’m sorry for not trying harder. I’m sorry for making it seem like you were the problem. I think it also stemmed from me being upset with myself and taking it out on you. You didn’t deserve any of that at all. I’m so, so sorry Yunho. I didn’t mean anything that I said that night and no, not once did I ever stop loving you. If anything, being away from you made my feelings grow if it’s even possible. I never loved anyone nor will I ever love anyone even half as much as I love you Jeong Yunho. Living without you, waking up to a cold and empty bed, not receiving your extremely cute and endearing messages, not being able to come home and fall apart in your arms when life got too hard—just not having you around—I was miserable. Waking up became a chore. I’m half—one fourth of myself without you. I can’t believe it took some very crappy misfortune for us to end up here. I should came to you the next morning when I began ultimately regretting my decision. Like you said, it was meant for tonight to happen. I don’t think I can go one more day not having you in my life. Please forgive me—please—love me again.” 

Wasting no time in pulling you on to his lap, Yunho silenced your many negative thoughts with a few chaste kisses; every single kiss melted your heart in to a puddle. He flicked your forehead earning a loud hiss from you in response before kissing the same spot and placing his forehead against yours. 

“I never stopped either. How can I? You’re literally engraved in to my whole being. I knew we were made for one another the second you introduced yourself to me and I couldn’t stop smiling like an idiot. I will admit, the night you told me you wanted to end things, I felt as if my soul was yanked abruptly from my chest. I felt as though I couldn’t breathe. It was the worst feeling I’ve ever had. I forgive you—I know we both made mistakes, but it’s apart of the growing process. Deciding to let you go was probably the stupidest choice I’ve ever made. But what could I have done? You were so adamant on breaking up, I just assumed you fell out of love with me. It happens, I just didn’t think it would happen to us. Promise me that this time will be different. If something is wrong, if you feel neglected, if I put too much stress on you, if there’s any issue, you need to tell me. Okay? I refuse to keep living without you anymore. Life—life is a precious thing, we can’t waste it on being unhappy.” 

You leaned in to him, resting your head on his shoulder and placing a delicate kiss on his nape. He hummed softly before running his hands along your sides, something he did if he was either filled with anxiety and needed to calm down, or horny. 

“I promise—and you need to do the same. Tell me if I’m ever mean to you or if I do something you don’t necessarily care for. I want you to run to me whenever life gets too much for you to handle. I want you to feel as safe and comfortable with me as I am with you. I want to make you happy in the ways you make me. Relationships are a two person commitment. Whenever you need me, I’m here. Always.” 

Stealing a quick his from the corner of his mouth, you stood up and motioned your head towards your bedroom, earning you the most adorable, devious smirk that never failed to set your bones on fire. 

“Thank God, all these love confessions, how beautiful you look right now and just the fact that you’re in my arms made me hard—“

“I was actually feeling a little bit tired—“ you giggled at how quick his body was to deflate against yours. 

“Babeeeee, come on it’s been three months too long. A man can only jack off so much—“

“I’m kidding. I’ve missed you just as much as you’ve missed me. I’ve missed mini Yunho even more—“

“Oh I know you didn’t just call me small—“

“And if I did?” 

He squeezed your hips before standing up and pulling you with him; throwing you over his shoulder and making his way towards your room. A soft yelp fell from your lips as he slapped your butt all but gently, before laughing to himself at the mix of a grunt and a moan that emitted from your mouth. 

“Ah, by the way—“

“Hmmm?” 

He practically threw you on to the bed in excitement, both from the many months of zero intimacy and the fact that the two of you were back together again. Your boyfriend wasted no time crawling up to you and hovered over you; placing both his hands on either side of your head. His face that held such a lustful and hungry expression was now much more soft and filled with love. 

“We’re getting married tomorrow.” 

Your eyes widened in shock and disbelief at his sudden revelation. Surely before the breakup, you’ve wondered why Yunho had yet to propose. Out of your friend group, the two of you were the only ones settled down, but everyone in your family—all your cousins were getting married and having children. Although you were content with how things were with Yunho, the topic was always at the back of your mind? 

He made comments about how excited he was to marry you one day, but he never really acted on his words. It made you wonder what was preventing him from asking you those four romantic words. But you never wanted to push him or make him feel as though he had to marry you because everyone else was. You were fine with waiting however long it took him to pop the question. 

“After what happened tonight, I realized that anything can happen. Life’s too short baby. I need to finally make you mine. My wife that is. I uh—I actually already have the ring. I’ve had it for over a year now. I know what you’re going to say—and after we broke up, I regretted not asking you sooner. I guess I was afraid of a negative reaction. I know I’ve always talked about marriage but I never knew how you felt. I’ve known it from even before we started dating that I want to be the lucky man who gets to love you and be loved by you for the rest of my life. You’ve made my life so much happier just by being in it. You are my person y/n and it would make me the happiest person on earth if you were to marry me. I won’t propose right now—not only will I not hear the end of it from you for not being more romantic, but the longer I look at those pretty eyes of yours, the more I can literally just jizz in my pants and that’s not the way I want to release tonight—“

“You never fail to make the most romantic moments unnecessarily sexual. Oh Jeong Yunho, what am I going to do with you—“

“Anything you want to baby. Well, getting married to me would be the most ideal, and then maybe helping me with the problem in my pants as celebration—“ 

Preventing him from making any more sexual innuendos, you pulled his face down to yours and kissed him as hard as you could. You bit his bottom lip and sucked on it a little rougher than expected. However, his raspy moan against your mouth sent heat straight to your core. Before things could get too hot and heavy however, you abruptly took your lips away from his and pressed your finger against his mouth to prevent him from whining or making any comments. 

“Yes, I’ll marry you Jeong Yunho. God, I love you so much. Thank you for coming back to me.” 

He beamed down at you—his adorable gummy smile had to be one of your favorite things about him and that said a lot seeing as how you loved every little thing about him. 

“I love you more y/n. Now, as much as I love listening to you talk, I love hearing you scream even more. Let me show you just how excited I am to spend the rest of my life with you.”

#ateez imagines #ateez #ateez fluff #jeong yunho #ateez yunho #yunho

[mbti-notes]

Anon #1: I assume my problem comes form Fi Te, is it? Can you give me insights or ideas on how to develop? I’m INFP about to go to university. I’ve been accepted in a good university with the degree I always wanted, in the country I always wanted to study at. However it’s not so demanded (linguistics) and I have vague career path.

In the last few months, I usually get random frustrations about my future, that I’ll find no job and get no money, I read all these opinions of people saying how there are no job and the world is falling and I start to panic as i can’t sleep. Can a one find a job? Is the world this bad? How are my parents and so many people I know do so?

I then start to hate the idea that I’ll go and study what I like instead of just start “hustling”. My family is able to pay fees comfortably, but I still feel like I’m a burden who do nothing but waste money in uni, and then maybe got nothing. I’m generally knowledgeable and I got good skills, and I take care of myself physically and mentally, but I can’t think that I’m good enough to find a job later.

I know this happened because I started to associate my worth with what is outside, because when I was more healthy, I knew that my worth come from within. I knew that this degree would require endurance, I’ve planned different successful possibilities and I’m ready to work hard because it’s something I’m passionate about. But now as the time gets closer, i feel like maybe I’ve done a mistake, all what I see is that I’m worthless, the world is a terrible place and there’s no hope.

to provide more context, dad always told me I should go study business, other wise I’ll starve, period (he didn’t study so but he works in business). Whenever my relatives asks me and I told them about linguistics they said it was stupid decision, especially as I get good grades that could allow me to study something “better”, all my best friends got into medicine, and they tell me i could’ve done better.

Anon #2: I am an INFJ from brazil and I would like your advice. I am 27, and I study to be a judge here in my country. The access to the career is by standardized tests which were never my strongest suit. It's also really competitive and it takes years of hard work, and of course, the result is not guaranteed. I have ADHD, being organiszed to study is hard too. I keep thinking about all the tests I took in competitive environments that didn't go well, such as not attending the university I wanted a couple of years ago. How do I deal with uncertainty? How can still put myself out there to try?

I thought of aiming lower, but then I'd never reach my dream. My financial condition is fine to just spend years studying, I am supported by my mom, but I am afraid not to reach my dream. I know it is contradictory to aim lower in such conditions, however, I am scared of putting out years of hard work and fail. Somehow I think I am too old because people who tried before me started when they were younger, but I was recovering from severe depression. I am scared that I won't reach my dream. How can I overcome fear? Thanks.

-----------------------

There are several issues to address:

1) The problem of inflexibility: To live life well, one must have faith. First and foremost, one must have faith in one's ability to adapt. All human beings are born with the capacity to adapt to change. People catastrophize because they feel helpless or incompetent; they don't believe they can handle what comes. This is related to poor N development; you don't have faith in your ability to be creative and resourceful in turning around negative situations. It is also related to poor T development; you haven't spent enough time building your skills and thus don't have faith in using them to get through your challenges.

2) The problem of out-of-control expectations: There are no guarantees in life. You could be the top student and follow each and every rule for everything, but it won't guarantee that your future will be exactly what you want. Everyone has their own path to travel in life and part of what makes life fun and interesting is that you don’t always know. This means there are many ways to define "success". You are both young, inexperienced, and far too narrow-minded, so you only have one oversimplistic idea about what "success" is. This is related to poor N development and failure to consider different possibilities and potentialities. It is also related to low level of ego development in terms of holding yourself up to other people's standards.

3) The problem of childishness: Perhaps you are still too used to being taken care of and you’re afraid of being an adult who has to take responsibility for each and every decision. When you are a child, you look to others to define your value/worth because you have a weak sense of self. When you still have the mentality of a child as an adult, the whole world becomes your “parent”, and you constantly feel judged and shamed for your “transgressions”, for not living up to various external images of how you should be.

You still haven’t set your own standards that are respectful of your own individuality. This makes you afraid of negativity. You believe negativity reveals that you are "unworthy” of love and/or “undeserving” of acceptance - it is painful to see the negative side of yourself. Until you learn to approach situations like an adult, through taking full responsibility for everything you are, positive and negative, you won’t be able to stand strong in yourself.

4) The problem of wrong attitude: It doesn't matter what you do, it is impossible to live a life without challenges, difficulties, problems, setbacks, and failures. Why? Because these things are necessary for people to learn and grow. Your attitude toward challenges is naive; you still believe that life should always be smooth or perfect. An essential part of becoming a mature adult is to be independent, in terms of facing up to the challenges in your life with the attitude of using them as learning opportunities to realize more and more of your potential - this is only possible when you learn to use your N function appropriately. Do you want to realize your greater potential, or do you want to be stuck in fear for the rest of your life?

If you care about realizing your potential, you have to be in touch with where your potential lies, you have to take risks to develop your potential, and you have to learn from your every experience along the way. Living life well isn't about being unafraid. You have an unrealistic view of emotions if you believe it’s possible to banish fear. Living life well is about being afraid but taking risks anyway because you see the necessity of growing pains and you understand that the growth will be good for you in the end. This relates back to the first point: You have to have faith in the process, in order to persist in carrying out long term vision.

#infj #infp #career #faith #adaptability #success #independence #expectations #attitude #maturity #fear #catastrophizing #ask

[vampxbby]

I can’t take it anymore

I feel like everyone is watching me slowly lose my mind. I feel like they are watching a rotting corpse try and put on a smile or even move. I don’t feel anything I do is right and I felt like I’ve been pushed to fly without a parachute. I want to hit the ground and just disintegrate into something else. Plants? Trees? Flowers? Something something other than me. I’ve always wanted plastic surgery and to be someone else, someone that both my mother and father would love. Someone where her brothers would call her. Someone who deserved to have the wheel taken from them sometimes. I’m so jealous of people who have families, who love them, who care for them, who want to see them succeed. I just have a mom who wished she never had me and a dad whose a workaholic. What’s the point of doing the things I want to do if I’ll be poor anyway and have a mom telling me I’m no good at it anyway? What’s the point of breaking my back over things anymore to just be the one to rescue myself anyway? What’s the point of asking for help when I’m just told about how I’m feeding an addiction? I wished my existence was just worth something more than to break my back over a job, have kids and die. I would give anything to not feel what I feel everyday, I would rip my skin off, pray to a foreign god or even lie to myself if I knew I could be free from this turmoil. I have tried being happy for so long now and maybe I was just doomed from the start. To always be left to the side and forgotten about. Leaving university for a boy who needed to be constantly pushed to do something was stupid. But I loved him and believed in him and maybe I believed in something I couldn’t see. I want to eat sushi one last time with though, I want to see him smile or crack a stupid joke. Oh how much better our lives would have been had we been loved by the people who made us and spoken to gently and softly. Could we have been more?

I have attempted many times but never completed but I think for once I am not afraid. I only worry of the pain and suffering I may face but I’m not scared for once. I had plans on Monday to attend a party but I think I’ll be a homebody again and miss it. She was so sweet too.

So for now, I can dream of the music I would have made, the books I would have written, the games I would have played or made, and I’ll live in that world.

I know there is nothing afterwards just atoms evolved into comso and eventually a vastness of emptiness and stars. I hope I become that comet. I never got see it but hopefully I will pass by earth once in a millennium and orbit briefly before going on its journey once more. I know there is no god, for now, but for once I beg of him to rid of this misery. No one deserves this misery, not he or I. And I’m not strong enough to withstand this misery with no one to rescue me at least once in awhile. I don’t ask very much but I would ask to be cremated. Grow me into a great pot of flowers, turn me into jewelry, spread me across a garden and watch me bring life. I hope I pass on the life that I never got into a hydrangea, a harvest of tomatoes, or in a flower field far away in the mountains of Washington. I hope I make people laugh and smile when I see them. I hope I remind them to be kind and kind to themselves. I hope most of all that the people who feel they deserve redemption from me know they have gotten it. Because I am no longer angry and hateful, but alone and sad. I was writing suicide letters in middle school, I can imagine I’m a novelist at this kind of angst. Wonder if I will write a book about suicide in my next lifetime. I hope I made you laugh, smile, and even cry. But please don’t forget me. Make sure you always find me in small trinkets, flowers on the side of the road and scenic views. I may be a bank teller with bipolar, but I’m also an astronomer, writer, musician, weightlifter and hopefully a good friend. I don’t mean to cause you any sadness or frustration with my debts and I’m sorry I’ve left them to you, but take care of yourself and remember to take your medicine. I don’t have very many pictures or videos of me, but I do have my words and I hope they ease you. Goodnight everyone, I love you.

#poems on tumblr #poems and poetry #sad poem #sad poetry

[marshmallowprotection]

Hi Kait.

It’s been a little while. I hope you’re doing well. <3

I’m always rooting for your success and happiness lol.

I feel bad and sheepish because I never wanna be that person who only ever pops by to like,,, dump a vent when I’m struggling.

I wish I had more fun or creative stuff I could share with you more often.

I think about trying to make you a gift of some sort a lot but I always chicken out. 😔

But tbh I think the reason I feel inclined to come here when I’m feeling bad is because when I am struggling,, that’s when I turn to thoughts of Saeyoung as a source of comfort. And your blog is the best outlet I’ve found to be able to express those feelings haha.

At any rate…

I wonder if you can relate to this experience…?

When I was really sick, my mental health issues actually kinda felt better…?

It’s not like they actually went away or anything.

It’s just that,,, I literally didn’t have the mental capacity to fixate on those things like I normally would. I was deadass too exhausted to indulge my anxious or depressed thoughts and let myself spiral lmao

But now that I’m slowly staring to feel better physically, those old patterns and thoughts and feelings have been creeping back in little by little too :))

(Super unfair if you ask me 🙄 bc I *am* still sick and in pain. Just slightly less so. And now I gotta deal with the mental illness on top of it all? Now my bones hurt AND my tummy hurts AND my silly little pathetic heart hurts. Homophobia at its finest, truly.)

And like… I’m trying really hard to claw my way out of this cute little pit of self-loathing I’ve found myself in.

Especially since I know now, better than ever, that it’s completely pointless…

The world’s gonna keep turning whether I hate myself or not. It’s just a matter of whether or not I’m choosing to make myself miserable in the process.

But,,, you know. It’s never that simple.

And. It’s kinda the “trying hard” that’s been making it hurt tbh.

I can’t stop thinking about the ~injustice~ of how hard Ive tried my whole life to build a future for myself where I could finally feel ~stable and happy and loved~ like I’ve been craving my whole life or whatever. But the universe just keeps saying Sike! Over and over :’)

I had to work so hard just to fuckin survive and keep myself alive my whole childhood.

I never thought I’d be able to go to college,, I didn’t even think it was on the table for me.

But I got lucky and got support and encouragement from my friends,, and somehow I managed to make it. And it meant so much to me. I felt so overjoyed and lucky to be able to be in a place where I didn’t have to worry about my safety all the time, or where I was going to sleep or get my next meal. And better yet,, somewhere where I could pursue my dreams and passions and get a little closer every day to a future I never thought I’d have. :’D

Buuuut then Covid hit, my mental health tanked, and I stopped being able to afford my tuition. And even though I was doing everything I could and DESPERATELY trying to figure things out,, it wasn’t enough. Bc nobody at the school would fuckin help me. And it was so frustrating and upsetting to know that, no matter how good of a student I was (I was a 4.0 student in STEM smh)

And no matter how genuine and passionate I was,,,

It didn’t make a difference. Because all they cared about was my money.

Like. Not to be dramatic. But that shit legit shattered my heart and crushed my soul. :’)

Even so! I told myself,,, hey. It’s okay. You can turn this around. You just have to work harder! Push yourself even further! You’re good at that. You’ve done it before. You just need to get a job and save up so you can go back.

So I got my silly lil minimum wage pet store job.

And goddammit, I was great at that too.

I was the best damn employee at my store, if not the whole company 🙄 bc I’m SMART AND PASSIONATE ABOUT LEARNING AND HELPING ANIMALS AND CREATING BETTER LIVES FOR THEM. UGH. 😤

Worked my tits off for a year and a half. Saved up as much as I could. Got over halfway to my goal that would allow me to finally move away from my home state that I’ve always hated. Go back to school. And really and truly get a shiny new ~fresh start~

But then the universe was like, HA bitch you thought!

You actually worked *too* hard this time and now your body is broken.

So… all that money you just saved up…?

POOF! That’s all going to your medical bills now.

Or at least. A tiny fraction of your medical bills :)

And now you can’t keep working to pay those bills off, or save up more money to go back to school. Because you’re too sick!

So like… good luck I guess??

And now I’m here having to deal with the fact that my friends who started school at the same time as me are graduating this semester.

And I’m just. Spending all my days alone in my room helpless and lonely and rotting :)))

It just really stinks that even though I’ve been trying so hard my whole life and putting SO MUCH of myself into literally everything I do,,, it’s never seemed to pay off.

In fact it feels like if anything, all it’s done is come back to bite me in the ass and make the failure hurt worse in the end.

🙄🙄 big “please please please let me get what I want by the smiths” moment

But anyways *ahem*

Like I said,,,,,

Whenever I get to feeling like this. I definitely always end up thinking about and coming back to Saeyoung.

Because… different life situations, obviously.

I’m glad at least I haven’t had to check “lost twin” or “being a secret agent” off my trauma bingo card yet.

But then again. I never thought I’d check off medical trauma either and look how that turned out, so who knows what the future has in store for me? 💀

At any rate,,, I know he’d be able to empathize, and understand those feelings.

More so than anyone I’ve ever met in real life, probably.

That’s definitely a huge part of why he came to mean so much to me in the first place. And why he’s the character I come back to time and time again when things start feeling really unfair.

And,, knowing just how and why he’d be able to understand and relate to those feelings is a big part of why I love him so much…

I just get so overwhelmed any time I get caught up thinking about that man’s endless capacity for goodness and love. Even through all the shit he’s been through. And how,, no matter how hurt he was, how hopeless he felt, or how much he *wanted* to give up. He never ever could. Because that’s just who he is,, if there’s even the slimmest margin of a chance that he could do something to make the world better for his loved ones, he’d drag himself there to the point of physically falling apart and not even think twice about it.

And like,,, yeah,,, it’s an issue in its own right and breaks my heart to think of how far he’d go for others while having so little regard for himself.

But also,,,,, it’s so admirable 😭 I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Saeyoung Choi is made of love.

And like,,, more than just Ye Olde “self-destruction in the name of helping his loved ones” thing,, I also get so worked up just thinkin about him being his silly dorky self,,

And again just… through everything,, even when he tried to convince himself that it was a front and he wasn’t actually like that,,, he never stopped being bright and curious and passionate,,, because that IS who he is,,, he’s a NERD and he genuinely loves learning and trying new things and having fun,,, and spreading that joy to the people around him. 🥹❤️

It just makes me wanna fuckin SMOTHER him with all of the affection and appreciation I could ever possibly muster up. And tell him over and over and over again how incredible and kind and brave and strong and special he is, and how much I love and adore him, and how lucky and proud I feel to even exist in the same universe as someone so earnestly and relentlessly Good. 🥺🥺

I would simply like to love him to death dhdjdjd

And like. I guess it’s cathartic to me to imagine being able to do that and say those things to him.

And to really just,,, bask in those overwhelming feelings of affection.

Bc I guess that’s how I wish someone would see and feel about me 😅 and that I could have someone in my life who would see how hard I try,, and be proud of me, and make me feel like I have value outside of my achievements in life (or,,, lack thereof). And like,,,, love me for all the times I kept going even when it hurt. That would be cool,,,,

Me out here since 2016 trying to fix myself by fixing Saeyoung 💀💀

Literally even now I feel better than I did when I started typing this message having thought about him and how much I love him fjfjfjf

Kuz,,, there’s the catharsis in thinking about being able to say those things that i wish I could hear myself to someone else.

But then there’s the added layer of self-indulgent catharsis of being able to be like,,,

I mean, hey, Saeyoung probably *would* see you in a similar light,,, if anyone would be able to understand and appreciate those things in me, it would be him. :’D

We are,,, the pointing Spider-Man meme,,, but make it gay dhdhdj

And that shit is,,, overwhelming to think about.

Ahh the euphoria of loving Saeyoung Choi shdhjd

And,, imagining a world where he loves me back just as much,,,

That’s nice,,, :’D

Anyways. I don’t know where I intended on going with this. I feel like I’m just awkwardly talking in circles and not making sense.

And I didn’t mean to get as vent-y as I did there.

I guess I just was all tangled up in my thoughts about all this shit and wanted to try and articulate that side of why Saeyoung means so much to me.

And to have an excuse to gush about my precious little meow meow. 🤡

As usual,,, if you’ve actually taken the time to read through this mess. Thank you haha.

Wishing you the best, always. ❤️❤️❤️

Don't worry, I get where you're coming from.

I had the same experience, similar, anyway. I thought college was the way out and went like I was "supposed" to. I suffered for a long time as a child in an abusive, impoverished environment, and there was no way out but a single door that everyone sold me. Well, as soon as the door closed on high school, my body started to give up. I dealt with a single diagnosis at first, and then, by the next time Spring Break was around, I had two more issues that would nearly cause me to lose my life.

Being on death's door after you've fought so hard to escape is a sick joke, and it's hard to put that grief into words. I'm sure you know what I mean, though. You think you're getting out and then it feels like God is laughing in your face. As if to say, "You thought you were allowed to be happy and free? Ha! Sike!" Hitting rock bottom with those types of emotions is not fun in the slightest. I still feel grief in that way when a bad day comes along. Even if you're working through your feelings, a bad flare will make you struggle.

Being Disabled and Chronically Ill means you're in a perpetual loop of "I'm okay with this" > "I hate this" > "This is okay sometimes" > "Why is it that I'm being punished" > "I can't take it anymore" > "This is... okay. I am okay".

You cycle through acceptance, anger, grief, begging, and everything that comes with loss. We don't have to be okay with our struggles, you know? It's not something people can understand unless it's their experience. Sure, if someone close to you is that sick, you might be able to understand, but not all of it. It's something that can't be put into words. Sometimes, the hardest part is trying to get someone to understand that you won't get better. You will only get worse. It's not like a broken arm.

I want you to know that I've been there. Stuck in a bedroom for years and it hurt. I lost out on experiences because I didn't have support in the way I needed. I had to become my own doctor and advocate the second I realized the healthcare system latched onto my anxiety to blame for all my problems. I haven't had health care in years because America is a piece of shit, but I don't think anyone should be forced to become more intelligent than their doctor to save their life. Then, you have to act like you know nothing because if you know too much, they think you doom scroll health conditions online.

But, that's another thing. You get used to it. You shrug. Your pain is a 7 to an average person but to you, it's a 2. You get used to it. You just learn how to adapt. You forget what not being in pain feels like. I can't remember what it felt like to not have something hurt!

Mental health and physical health are other things. When you've got to deal with both of them, it's weird. You might have a bad day with a flare but your mental health is just fine, vice versa, or the opposite of that. If you're in too much physical pain to think, you're not going to think about your depression. You just sleep. God, one thing that did happen to me was that my compulsive hand-washing started to be something I did less because I physically couldn't get out of bed at one point and I just said, "Fuck it. I can't do it. It's fine."

Still have that issue but it's not what it was. It's hard to explain how these issues clash with each other.

Haha. Anyway, I get it. I know what you mean about Saeyoung 'cause I feel the same way about Saeran. I met the RFA in 2016. I was on the door of death, not knowing what was coming next, and they saved a life that day. I don't know where I'd be without this game. Everyone in the group helped me see a chance to live.

Saeyoung was one of the first, too. I love him like a brother because I saw my sacrifices in him. I'm like him in that sense. I would throw my life on the line to see someone else happy. That's not always a good trait because you need to protect yourself, too.

You can't always give to others. Sometimes, you need to be selfish. But, having him by your side to empathize with is cathartic, you're right. He gets it. He knows what you mean and he doesn't judge.

You love him because you see yourself in him. You know he's capable of love, just like you are, and you know that he's safe. He'd know that you're safe, too. He knows you better than you know yourself, and I'd dare say it's the same way the other way around. That's why it's easy to love him. You know he'll never let go of you. You know he'll always fight for you. You want to be fought for, you want to be loved, and you want a chance to be validated the way you validate Saeyoung.

I'd say there's nothing wrong with that.

I look to Saeran because he'd get me. He's been just as sick as I've been and I wouldn't have to tell him what's wrong in detail. I could just look at him with pain in my soul, and he'd know. He'd get it and I wouldn't have to explain it. He'd just hold me... like I'd just hold him at his lowest moment. I feel like loving him makes me a better person. It reminds me that I have to try to treat myself the way I'd treat him... and the way he'd treat me. He'd want me to see something good even at the worst, and that helps me more than a lot of things.

So, I'd say, if you feel low... think about how Saeyoung would fight for you and help that inspire you to fight for yourself. Because he loves you and he always will, even if the galaxy keeps the two of you apart from one another. If you feel a flutter in your chest, it's him, calling out to your heart with a prayer you'll smile again.

And just remember, talking about your grief helps. Don't ball it up. If you have to write something down to let it out, do it. Never hesitate.

#long post #longpost #tw vent #mod kait #not mm #clownishpossum

[shiningdesignersreflections]

Chapter 2: Orbit of Stars

Narrated by Leonid.

Narrator: I’ve recently been flooded with memories of the past, and what used to be dreams has become real.

Narrator: I haven’t felt tired for a long time. I no longer need food or sleep.

Narrator: My boat is filled with design sketches. I’ve already gotten rid of my telescope and storage bin to make room for them.

Narrator: I haven’t fallen asleep, so how am I dreaming?

Narrator: I’m haunted by my own confusion, and I search for answers.

Choose either “You’re not going to stargaze?” or “You look pretty lost.”

If “stargaze,” ...

You:  You’re not going to stargaze?

If “lost,” ...

You: You look pretty lost.

--

Narrator: A vision of my dream appeared before my eyes, and I sighed.

Leonid: Maybe it’s not just a nightmare.

Leonid: It’s a future about to become reality.

Narrator: Ever since my manuscript became known to Miraland, there have been endless disputes.

Narrator: Our world knows the power of truth, and it pays a high price for chasing after it. It truly is admirable.

Narrator: But that has nothing to do with me. I finally fulfilled my wish and followed the orbit into the sea of stars.

Narrator: I was dazzled by the splendor of the endless starlight.

Narrator: The stars intertwined. Starlight came in waves, starting with one twinkling star and expanding to thousands more.

Narrator: A unique symphony played in that strange ocean, and I was its only audience member.

Narrator: The sea of stars opened its arms to me, and my consciousness merged with it. The stars surrounded me and whispered the world’s greatest truths.

Narrator: In this dimension, I didn’t need to know anything about someone’s life. Everything could be summarized into simple data.

Narrator: Through the stars’ trajectories and changes in brightness, I saw the laws of destiny and order.

Narrator: My observation of it had been superficial at best. I saw only lines and points, but I didn’t grasp their meaning.

Narrator: I was not only unaware. I was complacent.

Narrator: I lamented over how ignorant I had been.

Narrator: I was like a child who just learned to walk tirelessly in every corner of a backyard.

Narrator: Observe, theorize, revise, change trajectories, confirm results... I was happy.

Narrator: The starry sky, the ocean, and all of the universe’s endless changes are on a predetermined trajectory at the tip of my pen.

Narrator: It was correct every time. Every single time.

Narrator: But the fact that it was always right quickly frustrated me.

Narrator: I thought of the starlight that once awed me. I could calculate how it shone during its prime all the way until its death.

Narrator: How did not even one star defy my expectations? Why do they all fade and die?

Narrator: I looked at the angel on the paper. Her white wings were holy, and she held them perfectly. But I couldn’t see their beauty.

Narrator: I felt lost, unsatisfied. I hungered for the unknown.

Narrator: From then on, I began to pay close attention to those bizarre dreams.

Narrator: I explored the cause of my dreams. I sailed through countless seas until I finally reached this dark, unfamiliar place.

Narrator: I found the answer I’ve been seeking.

Choose either “Where is this?” or “Looks dangerous.”

If “where,” ...

You: What is this place?

Leonid: The abyss. Darkness gathered here.

If “dangerous,” ...

You: But it looks dangerous.

Leonid: I didn’t want to see the stars. I knew them too well. I wanted to discover something new, so I was attracted to the darkness.

--

Narrator: Shouts faintly emerged from below the sea. They gently stirred the water, creating ripples that subtly reflected the starlight.

Narrator: I could barely distinguish those familiar voices. They echoed in my dreams, guiding me here.

Narrator: What will I find? I was filled with anticipation and excitement, which I had not felt for a long time.

Narrator: As I leaned toward the sea, the turbid whirlpool swallowed my reflection little by little.

You: Leonid!

Narrator: I turned my back on the starlight, opened my arms to the abyss, and fell.

Chapter 1

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

#leonid #shining nikki #chapter 2 #transcript #ur designer #orbit of stars #ocean of memories #abyss #angel and demon #darkness #astrology #angel and demon hell event #starlight

[lgist]

When things aren’t going your way, what is your emotional reaction? Do you stay calm, wait it out and see what happens next? Do you say to hell with it as your frustration at the situation itself cannot be swayed? Or do you shut down? Unable to keep upright as the scenario sends you off the plank, to a deep and negative spiral. Things often do not go our way, it’s a fundamental part of life. Great times get even better when we realise how much worse it could’ve been. Times when we are feeling low are only made worse by this fact. We imagine the outcomes of life to where we are not here. The decisions we could’ve made. The time wasted doing something we now find non important. We are never getting it back. I’ve spoken about the sadness and the grief and the regret that comes from that, from imagining a life better than yours but anger and frustration, those emotions are slightly different. Anger, similar to sadness and grief, is inherently a negative emotion. Like the atomic bomb, it burns everything it touches, leaves a mark after it’s done and we’ll wonder in the future how and why did it ever come to fruition. For anger is momentary in its existence, it will come so fast we cannot prepare for its devastation in our thought process. After it has demolished enough, it will leave in a trail of fire and we will look upon the ashes, wondering if it was necessary. Where anger will deviate from sadness is what it seeks to destroy. Anger is anger, it is angry at the world for what it has done to you, it will place your ego at the forefront of pressing issues in your life and blame, outwardly, everyone and everything but yourself. Sadness is sadness, the blame falls to you, the responsibility falls to you, everyone and everything can’t do a thing to help you, you are alone. You will find that these 2 things mix into an incredible concoction of negativity.

When you are helpless in your journey of self actualisation, with no sense of direction, you will blame both the world and yourself for how it has gone so far. Anger will arise, so frustrated with how things are working out for you, it cannot dream of anything else but annihilation. Sadness will surface, it will beg for you to give up, it will convince you that you were useless in the eyes of life. I feel this problem, while it does exist for everyone, young people are especially at risk. It is how families will lose their children just after sending them off to school in the morning. These children, actual children, will wake up one morning, already so fed up and so frustrated that the attention from a tragedy is good enough. Finally they are seen, finally their emotions have taken form, finally their pain is shared. So while we talk about pressing topics such as gun control, we forget to ask, what can drive a child, barley breaching their teens, to murder? What can drive such hatred, such anger, such negativity to oneself and those around them? What can rip away the innocence of a child that then allows them to rip away that same innocence from others? The perfect concoction of negativity. There is not much to do once someone has taken their first sip, they are now addicted to it, foaming at the mouth for the next hit.

For while anger and sadness are destructive and almost inescapable once they have taken you down, inch by inch, they remain the easy way out and our minds are lazy, it will always look for the easy way out. A method of looking at the world through the lens of blame and regret. I cannot be happy because person x doesn’t love me. I cannot be happy because person y doesn’t agree with my university choice. I cannot be happy because. We will fill our minds with reasoning and rationale for our sadness and anger, for what? Because it is easier than actually facing it and moving on. We would rather sit and sulk rather than actually do something about it. I am guilty of this too. I had a dream once, this beautiful dream I wished to have never ended, where my life is how I pictured it to be. Like my brain played this prank on me, elaborate in its execution and extremely effective in its realism. A dream so real, I forgot about my actual life in it. Imagine my ruin when I woke up. I had lost perfection and returned to my imperfect life. Tears smeared my pillow case as I realised what had happened and rather than getting up and immediately chasing my dream, I did what I did the day before. Strange isn’t it? How I can be shown perfection and even its appearance did nothing to actually motivate me. So, if it’s not perfection I am seeking, what is it? What do I want? How do I want it? When do I want it to happen? Unanswerable and rhetorical, so I will just sit in this pool I have created for myself. That is the catch of this deadly concoction, sacrifice your endless and tiring search for happiness and blame those around you for it being this way, this way you need not ask difficult and unanswerable questions, you can finally relax.

When it is the exact opposite of relaxation you will find. While yes the questions will subside and you will finally find some grounds for why things are the way they are. Will you be at peace? No. Conflict within yourself will surely rise as your rationale keeps eating away at you. That part of yourself that dreams for more, that awakens when you sleep, will always be somewhere within that recess we call a consciousness. An internal conflict that only has one winner. It is like in fiction, where they will have the demon and the angle on either shoulder. For if the angel should win, inner peace is achieved and if the demon should win, a gravestone of a person far too young will be your legacy. I feel as if our minds are constantly toying with us, it knows what it should do and yet it still begs for more and more questioning. Endless questioning. The whys, the whats, the ifs. Sometimes you just get sick of it and miss the entire point of asking questions in the first place. No matter how you think we were brought to creation, creationism or evolution , one fact remains true, we are here. We are here to be. Present always, never a second too late or early. Free will bestowed upon us, we are free to ask, ask as many questions as we want. However, in our infinite lines of questioning, we forget that an even greater amount of answers exist and it is the root of negativity. Unanswerable and rhetorical questions eat away at our minds' ability to be happy for we feel a great failure in being unable to answer questions, especially questions about ourselves. The questions themselves are unanswerable because of their variance, you could answer the same question about yourself entirely differently on a different day. It is what makes the answer feel so empty, for it exists in this plane of subjectivity and for some odd reason, we as humans chase objectivity. The undeniable truths. So rather than being happy in the ability to ask questions we suffer at the hands of a varying and empty answer. I plead with you today to be happy with a multiple choice question, for you are able to ask again another day. Perhaps the objective answer to you is murky now, covered by your own self-pity and blazing anger, patience is truly a virtue, even in the long road to happiness. Keep asking questions, keep giving new answers. Until you find the objective truths about yourself. Dealing with anger and sadness is hard, inquiring about their existence is harder. Perhaps all my answers here today are subject to change and I’m all right with that. The first and last question we will always ask ourselves at the beginning of this journey and at the very end; Are you happy?

___________________

Emotional as always, I love a bit of melodramaticism in the morning. What am I if not melodramatic? Reader, even I am still searching for my objective truths, it might take my entire life but at least I have my entire life to ask away. How many questions do you think we ask on average in a lifetime? Must be thousands, it will be for me anyway. And yes, I do get angry and I do get sad sometimes. I do not take my own adviceon , even though it’s really good advice :p. This blog isn’t meant to be some self help course, I’m just trying to get my ideas of life on paper. Perhaps I should adventure into a deeply negative source, one without a happy ending. An experiment of sorts. What do you think? Let me know. Much love - S

#philosophy #mental health #mentalheathawareness #leftist #leftism #writing #writer #writers and poets

[tinseltine]

THE MARVELS | Marvel Studio Writer/Director Nia DaCosta  

4.5 outta 5 – I’m so glad I’ve been re-watching the MCU in Timeline Order (MCU University), next up for me is Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2, so I re-watched Captain Marvel just a couple months ago, and it still felt fresh in my mind. I’ve also seen Ms Marvel and Secret Invasion on Disney+ so in combination I felt more centered and involved while watching The Marvels. I liked that there's a lot of levity throughout, less zany than a Taika Waititi helmed Marvel movie, but still good unexpected fun! The Flerkins are hilarious, yet I can’t figure out why Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) still finds them so adorable knowing one cost him his eye !?! The 3 leads (Brie Larson) (Tenoyah Parris ) (Iman Vellani)  have absolutely genuine chemistry and they manage to form an equal team, not Captain Marvel and her two sidekicks.

WISH | Disney  Directors Chris Buck & Fawn Veerasunthorn

4 outta 5  - I liked the storyline.  I hear a lot of critics saying feels like Disney propaganda and too many 100th Anniversary Easter Eggs. I didn’t feel that at all.  The little homages to Disney’s beloved past blended in nicely and didn’t distract from the current movie for me.  The villain, Magnifico (Chris Pine) has an interesting arc. In his quest to protect people from the heartbreak of not being able to manifest their dreams, he takes away their desire and gives them a good, safe, happy life on a multi-cultural island. It seemed like a good deal to me, so at first I too felt Asha (Ariana Debose) is just stirring up unnecessary trouble asking about the ungranted wishes. But of course, as they say, absolute power, corrupts absolutely – Manifico’s ego completely wipes out his original good intentions.

RUSTIN| Netflix /The Obama’s Higher Ground Director George C. Wolfe

3.5 outta 5 - I think it’s incredibly insidious the way this important figure in Civil Rights History was nearly erased because of his sexual orientation.  I’ll never understand why that has mattered so much throughout history. In terms of the movie, completely agree, this is a tour-de-force role for Philly’s own Colman Domingo. But I’ll admit I wasn’t fully engaged in the scenes the first 15-20 minutes, then as momentum picked up, I found myself swept up into the politics and renewed remembrance of the importance of the movement, similar to how I felt watching SELMA.

MAY DECEMBER| Netflix | Director Todd Haynes

3.5 outta 5  - I was particularly impressed with Natalie Portman’s character who manages to seem like a humble actress, just so grateful for being invited into this family’s home and confidence. Until you realize she’s a real shit stirrer and narcissist.

Julianne Moore’s Gracie is an even bigger narcissist, so the two women have met their match. It’s Gracie’s kids, both from her first marriage and current that you feel for, as they had no choice in being collateral damage to their mother’s bad judgement; not to mention, Gracie’s very manipulative in the way she speaks to them.  

SHARE?| XYZ Films Writer/Director Ira Rosensweig

4 outta 5 - I will admit, I was thinking of giving up after the first 10 minutes, because for us as the viewer, the perspective of the text is backwards on the screen, which is mildly frustrating, as you have to train your eyes to read what the computer screen is telling the prisoner in reverse. But eventually you get past this or get better at it and start to appreciate the scifi concept of the film.  An unnamed young man (Melvin Gregg) wakes up on the floor in his underwear in a dimly lighted, sterile room, pretty much a prison cell without bars, just blank walls, evoking a tech feel. The back wall provides a urinal and a small shower. The front wall, which we see from behind, contains a computer screen and there’s a keyboard.

PRISCILLA| A24 | Writer/Director Sofia Coppola

3.5 outta 5 - I feel my main complaint of the movie is that I didn’t learn anything new about the wife of Elvis, other than that they slept in the same bed for years and he never touched her until she turned 21 and they married. But since she had no one to confide in and we don’t experience her writing in a journal, we pretty much just witness everything we already knew about the pair, which left me a bit dissatisfied.

READ FULL POST ON ALL 6 MOVIES (MiniMovieExtravaganza18)

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