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the-last-airbadger · 4 months

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My 2023

I almost cannot believe how quickly this year passed by. It feels like one moment it was only February, and then I blinked once and suddenly Christmas carols were playing on the radio again. I think part of the reason this year went by so quickly was because I didn’t do much…? for most of the year? For a good solid 7-ish months I was just stuck at home applying for jobs day in and day out, and that type of life is just not very eventful. That doesn’t mean nothing eventful ever happened though! If you look at the big life events that happened this year, I actually did quite a lot this year! It was just a very slow process to get from one step to the next, with a lot of nothing in between. But in the end, I got where I wanted to go, and that is what counts! Now it’s time to figure out where to go next…

The Beginning of 2023 vs Now

I was in a very different place in my life at the start of the year. First of all, I was all caught up in a crush on one of my friends a year ago… It’s both weird that that was already a year ago and hard to imagine that that still felt like such a big deal back then. The situation escalated a bit in the first month(s) of the year (which I will not go into, but those who know know [eyes emoji]), but in the end it worked out for the best. I got over my crush, and we’re still very good friends, so I’m much happier about that part of my life at the moment.

Another big difference between me at the start of the year and me now was that back then I still had my reproductive organs. I had surgery at the start of the year, in the second week of January, and I feel much better now that they’re gone. Even though it wasn’t exactly fun to spend the first two months of the year in recovery, they were well worth it. So not only was I able to rid myself of worries and discomfort, I also got another step further in my transition.

The final big change: Back then I was technically still a Master student. Now I’m a graduate with a job. Is that a good change? Well, I’m definitely a step further in the grand path of my life, so technically that’s a yes. But does it feel like a step forward? I’m not sure. Sometimes I wish I could go back to being a student. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I can earn some money now and start building up the rest of my life, but I do often feel that I was happier back then. In that sense, it sometimes feels like I’ve taken a step backwards. But I guess progress in life isn’t always linear, so we’ll just have to see where next year brings us!

So yeah, in multiple aspects, I do feel like this year was the year I grew up a bit and moved on to the next stage of my life. So even if I’m not entirely happy with where I am now, I am proud of what I’ve managed to accomplish!

The Best Things about 2023

Hmm… this one is a hard one this year. I mean, it’s not like nothing great happened, not at all. But I do feel like there were fewer stand-out moments this year compared to the previous years. Nonetheless, there are still plenty of great things that happened this year. First of all: surgery! Of course, the surgery itself wasn’t great, but the result of it definitely was. I already feel much better in my skin than before I had surgery, and though I still have a long way to go to get to where I want to be, I’m glad I got to take a big step forward this year.

Then, to get a bit less serious, another great thing that happened this year was that my brother bought a playstation! I’ve played so many cool games this year: Spider-Man, Spider-Man: Miles Morales, Stray, and more… I never thought I’d enjoy playstation games this much, but man have I spend many hours on my couch gaming on the playstation. It was awesome! And that reminds me that I also got a new Laptop this year, which I’m also super happy with (my old one was falling apart), which also allowed me to buy some awesome new PC games, so I think you can say it was a good year for games! And Spider-Man 2 and Baldur’s Gate came out this year, which is pretty cool too!

In March, I received my Master’s degree, which you could say is also a big highlight of the year. I still can’t believe I’m completely done with my studies. All these years that felt like such a faraway milestone… it’s so weird to suddenly have reached it. Which reminds me: another big highlight was my first salary! I’ve earned money before, but nothing beats your first grown-up salary.

I don’t want to make this too long, so I’m going to go through the next few highlights a bit quicker, but that definitely means that these are less important. They are perhaps a bit less grand, a bit more trivial, but no less important to making the year what it was. This year, I saw Dan Howell live again, I bought a tablet and started learning how to do digital art, I went to Toverland with friends (I was so excited!), I celebrated October 3rd in Leiden for the first time, I also went to comic con for the first time, my D&D character died and got a boyfriend (sort of), many great movies were released (Across the spiderverse, guardians of the galaxy, the D&D movie, Barbie, The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, many of which I saw in the cinema with friends), great music was released (SHINee Hard, Taemin Guilty, Loossemble and ARTMS… what more do you want?), I got new glasses, aaand I think that is about it? Oh no, wait, how could I forget! The new doctor who episodes!! I was so hyped about those, and they did not disappoint! It was great to see David Tennant and Catherine Tate back in doctor who again, and it looks like Ncuti is going to be a fantastic doctor too, so I can’t wait for the new season to air next year!

So yeah, despite the fact that I may not consider the year 2023 as a whole to be much of a highlight year, many great things did still happen this year, and I’m very glad that they did!

My Resolutions for 2023?

Oh boy. I already took a quick look at them earlier today, and there are definitely a few that I did not complete. However, I do happen to know that I did set a lot of life goals that I was quite sure I was going to reach, and that I have in fact succeeded at most of those, so it might not be all bad! Let’s just grab last year’s list and see how well I did this time!

Life Goals:

Have Surgery! Obviously, my biggest goal for the year is to just finally have my hysterectomy and vaginectomy. I know it might seem like a bit of a cop-out to put something on my list that is very likely to happen, but the recovery is going to be tough, and you never know for sure it’s actually going to happen until it has happened, so if I have had surgery and recovered from it, it will still feel like a major accomplishment – Success! I had surgery, and it was indeed tough, but I got out better on the other side. I made it through, and I’m proud of that

Find a job! The next big goal is to find a job so I can start my new life as a certified adult – Another success! I found my job a bit later than I initially expected (in the end I started in November rather than in April like I’d thought I would), but a success nonetheless!

Move out! It’s going to be difficult to find a place to live in this economy, but once I have the money it will be my main goal. It really is time for me to have my own place. – That’s a fail, I’m afraid. Partially because I only found a job in November, but also partially because I think I underestimated how hard it is to even find a house. Granted, I haven’t tried yet, but it wouldn’t surprise me if it’ll be challenging before the end of next year. Especially since I’ve realized that it might be smart to save a bit of money first. So yeah, that was a fail, but I still really want to move out, so I’m going to try again next year!

Get on the waiting list for phalloplasty. I really need phalloplasty, so the sooner I get on the waiting list, the better. – Success! I got on the waiting list on October 13th, after a phone call with my surgeon. Right now, it looks like 2025 (or maybe 2026) is going to be the year of Phalloplasty for me, which is still painfully far away, but at least I know now that it’s slowly getting closer every single day. Slow progress can be agonizing, but at least it’s still better than no progress at all!

Save some money. I have many saving accounts that are currently empty, and I have very little money overall. However, once I have a job, I might actually be able to save some money, so I hope that next year I’ll be halfway to my goal in 4 of my savings accounts. – I’m going to count this as a fail, since I’m not even halfway to my goal in one of my savings accounts, unfortunately. I am saving money right now, but unfortunately this year the amount of money in my account decreased significantly before I finally managed to earn something new. So yeah, no success on saving just yet, but again, a good goal for next year!

Buy a new laptop OR a piano. My laptop is falling apart a little bit, and I haven’t played the piano in ages, so I hope that I’ll be able to buy either a new laptop or a piano sometime next year! However, whether I can get a piano or not will depend on whether I’ll have my own house, whether there will be space in that house, and how much money I’ll be earning haha. – Success! Bought a new laptop as soon as I got my first salary in November and honestly that was probably the best purchase I’ve made all year. No regrets!

As soon as I'm recovered enough from my surgery, I want to do push-ups regularly again so I can build up a little bit of strength again. However, it's going to really depend on how long I'll take to recover after surgery, so I don't know whether I'll actually be able to do this. – Okay, this is more than a success. I didn’t just start doing push-ups again, I’m actually going to the gym every week now. I don’t think I could’ve predicted that I’d ever become a gym person a year ago, but that’s the fun thing about life, isn’t it? You never know exactly what is going to happen!

Reading Goals:

Read 25 Books! I know that’s a lot less than what I read this year, but I feel like I will be busy enough next year with other things, so I don’t know how much time I’ll have for reading. Still, I don’t want to neglect reading completely, so 25 books! If I succeed, I can go higher again the year after! – Fail, unfortunately. I read only 21 books this year. I haven’t really figured out yet how to combine reading (and my other 10 hobbies) with working full-time, but that will be a challenge for next year!

Get to a point where I only own 5 unread books at a time. I’m so close. I know I can do it – Nope. Currently have 19 unread books lying around in my room… :(

Finish reading at least 6 of the 12 series I’m in the middle of. I realized this year that it happens way too often that I start a series and don’t finish it, and then when I decide to continue the series I’ve forgotten what happened in the previous book, and that’s just a shame. So this year, I’m going to finish series instead of start them, and hopefully next year at this point I’ll only be in the middle of 6 series instead of 12… - Nope… I finished a grand total of 3 series… Very sad…

Read 5 Rick Riordan Presents books. I still want to catch up on these books as well. I’m in the middle of 2 Rick Riordan Presents series at the moment, so if I finish those that’s already 3 books. Then the next Rick Riordan Presents series I want to read only has two books, so I want to try to read those too. – Another fail… this is starting to get a bit depressing…

Keep reading classics. I want to read at least 2 new classics next year because I do want to keep reading those even though I’m done with my studies. However, I also don’t want to force myself to read too many of them against my will, so I think 2 is a good number. – Success! Yay! I’m glad I still managed to read some classics this year. I might be done with my studies, but I’m not ready to let English Literature go just yet. There are still so many classics that I haven’t read yet, and as an ex-literature student, I feel like it’s my duty to read as many of them as possible!

Keep up with new releases! And by that I mean, read the new Truly Devious book, Percy Jackson book, and Nevermoor book in the year they’re released, so in 2023! – Another success again! Nice! I read all of these books except the Nevermoor book, but that’s because that one got postponed, so it hasn’t actually been released yet. Hopefully I’ll be able to read that next year!

Art Goals:

Make 5 big art pieces. By that I mean I want to complete at least 5 drawings where I give them my all – colour it to my best abilities, add a background, and most importantly, don’t rush it! I want to make sure they are the best I can do. – Fail, but close! I finished 4 big artpieces this year, and I’m almost halfway through the fifth one! So I did my best!

Draw 2 more character posters for my D&D group. I drew 2 characters last year for my friends and framed both drawings, and they turned out so well and were so fun to make that I want to draw our entire party like that. However, they also took a lot of time, so 2 in a year should work. – Success! I drew one more character poster, and then made a drawing of our entire party for our DM. Currently, the only character that’s still left to draw is my own, so I will hopefully finish that one next year!

Other Goals:

Finish the following 3 games: Life is Strange: Before the Storm, Subnautica: Below Zero, and Skyrim. If I finish other games that is cool too, but these are the ones I really want to finally finish! – Okay, so here’s the thing. I finished quite a few games this year: Life is Strange: Before the Storm (as I said I would!), The original Life is Strange, Spider-Man, Spider-Man: Miles Morales, Stray, Professor Layton and the Spectre’s Call… and I also once again played a lot of Sims, so overall not such a bad year! But did I finish Skyrim and Subnautica: Below Zero? ……..

Finish the Heartstopper comics and watch the Netflix show – yes and no. I finished the Heartstopper comics, but then a new one came out in December which I don’t own yet. As for the show, I finished the first season! And then the second one came out, which I haven’t watched yet. So…. Kind of? But not really…

Check out some Doctor Who audio adventures! I put those off for when I needed to recover for surgery, so I should really actually listen to some of them while I’m recovering from my surgery. – Again, yes and no. I did check one out, but I only did so this week, and I haven’t gotten very far into them, so… yes? But not really in the way I meant.

If I do actually manage to get a piano, I want to start playing regularly again. It’s been way too long since I’ve done that (however, if I don’t manage to get a piano, I won’t count it as a fail, but will leave this goal for 2024, since I don’t know if I’ll be in the position to get a piano this year) – Hmmm, another ambiguous one. I don’t own a piano yet, but I am trying to get into the habit to play at least once a week, for about an hour on Sunday mornings. I haven’t really built up the habit yet, but I am working on it. So… kind of?

So that’s 19 total of which there were 8 successes, 8 fails, and 3 ambiguous answers. Honestly, I don’t think that’s so bad! I thought it would be worse, but I honestly did quite well this year, if I may say so myself! Only the reading goals could use a lot more work next year…

Expectations for 2024

This time, I find it much harder than usual to kind of know what to expect next year. I used to have a bit of an idea how a year would go, with school and university and all, but now? I don’t know. The future feels very blank and empty right now, which sounds kind of depressing but could also be a good thing. Empty means open, and open means that anything could happen. There could be so many cool things waiting for me this year without me even knowing it yet!

But a prediction like this is of course no fun without any specific examples, so I’m just going to try and guess what I think is going to happen. After all, the more wrong I am, the more fun I will have next year when I look back on this. So, right now it looks like I will work at my current workplace until the end of June, after which I can either decide to stay or move on to something else. I think I will decide to move on. My work right now is fine, but not something I want to settle for, so if I get the opportunity do try out something else I will definitely take it. So my guess is I’ll keep doing my current job until June, and then move on to the next one. In the meantime, I think I will mostly spend my weekends focused on my hobbies and my social life. I will keep going to the gym each Tuesday (and hopefully get a bit fitter!), keep going to Choir every Thursday, and try to find out how to balance working full-time with having a lot of hobbies. I will also keep saving money each month, so that when I’ll finally find myself a house, I’ll have enough money to actually furnish it. I also think I might end up buying a car at some point, since that is just going to save me so much time (and maybe even money too!). So, if I look at how my saving is going right now, I might be able to buy a car somewhere in the summer, which I might actually do.

I also still want to move out next year, after I’ve saved some money. So I think I will spend the first six months saving, and will then start seriously looking for a place to live. I don’t know if I’ll be able to actually find something before the year ends, but I want to at least have put the wheels in motion by then. And if I do find a place to live, I think that can go two ways: either I find a place somewhere in the same area that I live now (so in either one of the biggest adjacent cities), or I will find a place with a friend and live in the city where I used to study back in the day. Either way, I think I would be happy to have my own place. And if I have a car, nothing is really that far away.

So I’ll work, buy a car, move out. Take another few steps on the great path of life. I’ll turn 25 in June, which is already a major milestone in and of itself, but I’ve also always thought that 25 would be the perfect time to meet a lifelong partner, so maybe I’ll actually get lucky this time! You never know what the future will hold, so I might as well dream a little.

I probably won’t make any major progress in my transition, but I will get closer to 2025 which will hopefully be the year of phalloplasty. Plus, for the type of surgery I chose, I’ll need to lose a bit more weight, so that will be another goal I will work on in 2024. I’ll try to eat healthy and take care of my body, and hopefully reach my first goal before my appointment in April.

As for the rest of my year, I think I’ll have to leave that open. I do think I’ll renew my contract in October if I get the opportunity to, but other than that I have no idea what the future will hold. I know I want another job eventually, but I don’t think I will make drastic changes this year. This year will just be for exploring. Exploring what I want, exploring what I am good at and how I like to spend my time. My guess is that 2024 will be a relatively calm year where my life stays roughly the same. But 2025… something tells me that will be the year of big changes. So maybe a bit of calm before the storm is exactly what I’ll need.

Oh, and ARTMS will probably release an album this year. I’m looking forward to that!

2024 Resolutions

And now it’s time for my favourite part! Plans for the next year! I’m excited, motivated, and probably way too ambitious because I’ve once again got many plans for the coming year! I’ve mentioned most of my major goals already in the previous section about my expectations, but I’ve also still got many smaller, hobby-related goals that I am quite excited about! First of all, I really want to make this year the year of reading and writing. I’ve been getting into reading again this week and I am really realizing how much I’ve missed it, so I’m going to try to work it back into my life again, and I’ve got a plan for that! I want to be much more intentional with my time this year. After all, I keep complaining that I don’t have enough time in a day, but then I proceed to spend two hours aimlessly scrolling on youtube. If I only manage to replace my youtube time with hobby time, I could already win so many hours back! And what better to spend those hours on than reading and writing?

But that’s enough of my waffling! Let’s get into this year’s resolutions!

Life goals

Save money. I finally have a stable income, and I don’t have any rent to pay yet, so that means it’s the perfect time for saving money! This time, I want to have reached my goal in at least two of my savings accounts, I want to be halfway to my goal in at least 4 accounts total, and want have saved at least 1/6th of my goal in my emergency backup fund.

Buy a car. I don’t know if I’ll actually end up doing this, but right now this is something I want to work towards, so I’m just putting it on the list.

Move out. It’s time. Once I’ve saved a bit of money, it really is time to move out. I’m almost 25, and I definitely don’t want to keep living with my mother for much longer now. Moving out is a big change, and it feels a bit scary to have to truly start relying on my own income and money-managing skills, but that’s exactly why I should do it. It’s going to be hard to find a place, but I’ll sure as hell give it my best shot!

Keep going to the gym, lose some fat, and build some muscle! For my surgery, I had to lose around 5 kilograms before April, and I have a feeling it’s only going to be more after that. I’m okay with that though. Before covid, back when I was still skinny and somewhat active, I weighed significantly less than I do now, and I don’t think it’s such a bad idea to get back to around that weight. So, to give myself an actual measurable goal: I want to weigh less than 70 kg in April, and around 65 kg by the end of the year. As for the muscle… I’ll count on pictures document my progress there!

Writing Goals

Finish writing a draft for the first half of my book. Originally, I wanted to have my whole draft finished by the end of the year, but looking at the speed of my writing right now and considering how busy I will be once work starts again, I think getting halfway there is a much more realistic goal. Though I love being ambitious, if my goals are too unrealistic I tend to give up, so I think I’ll actually accomplish more here by putting the bar a bit lower here. So finish half a draft! I don’t think I’ll be able to pinpoint exactly where the halfway point of my story is, but I think I’ll know whether or not I have reached that point next year. If anything, I think I probably should have written at least 8 chapters. Maybe 10…

Build a habit of writing. I want to try to find a fixed moment every week that I can devote to writing. How else am I ever going to finish that draft?

Reading Goals

Read 24 books! This year, I’m going to set my reading challenge at 24 books. It’s a bit of a random number, one book less than my previous goal, but 24 a year means exactly two books a month, and that feels reasonable!

I still want to work on trying to reduce the amount of unread books I own. However, I feel like trying to read all 19 books I own now, plus all the books I might buy and the books I might get as gifts throughout the year, is simply not feasible. Therefore, I think this time I will instead focus finishing at least half of the books I currently own. In fact, I think I’ll make a list of 10 books I own now that I want to have read by the end of the year. Those books are going to be:

The Hero of Ages

The Anatomy of Story

Rule of Wolves

Aru Shah and the Nectar of Immortality

Cress

If We Were Villains

The Dawn of Yangchen

Gregor and the Prophecy of Bane

Gregor and the Curse of the Warmbloods

The Fault in Our Stars

Read more non-fiction books and classics on my phone! One way I feel like I can significantly increase the amount of time I spend reading is by reading more books on my phone! Usually, the biggest reason why I don’t read while travelling is simply because pulling out my book often feels inconvenient. Either it’s busy and I have to stand, or my bag is so full I can’t find my book, or I only have a few minutes before I’ll have to stuff my book back in my bag again and rush out of the vehicle. But what do I always do in those situations? I pull out my phone. So if I just purchase some books in google books – something like non-fiction because it reads similarly to a webpage, or maybe a few classics because those tend to be quite cheap on there – and read those instead of scrolling reddit… I think that would be good for my reading goal! So this year, I want to have purchased and read at least 3 books on my phone!

Read 4 classics! Like I said, I want to keep reading classics, especially since I’ve been enjoying reading classics so much more now that I no longer have to. As for which ones… well, I definitely want to have read 1984 at least once. I also really want to read more Virginia Woolf, so I want to read at least one of her books this year.

Finish 5 series! Currently, I’m in the middle of 10 series, and that’s way too many. So I want to finish at least 5 of them. I especially want to finish Aru Shah, The King of Scars Duology, The Mistborn Trilogy, and the Lunar Chronicles. The 5th one I’ll leave open for myself. I guess that one is going to depend on what I feel like reading this year!

Finish my Heroes of Olympus Reread. I reread the first three books of this trilogy in 2022 and then never continued… I really want to reread the final two books in the series as well.

Art Goals

Finish the character poster of my own D&D character! I already have the frame ready, and it’s starting to look so cool. I really want to finish this drawing as soon as I can!

Finish at least 1 of the two art projects that I have planned for my D&D group. I won’t go into detail here in case one of them ends up reading this, but I have two pretty cool art-related gift ideas for my D&D group, and I want to have finished at least one of them!

Draw 5 digital character posters. I really want to develop my digital art skills, as well as create some more character posters for some of my own characters. What better way to work on both of those goals by combining the two and drawing some digital posters?

Finally use the paint my grandparents gave me last year, and make a painting

Fill 2-5 pages in my physical sketchbook with coloured drawings, using the new coloured pencils I bought this month. I bought these pencils for a reason. I want to learn how to use them.

Other Goals

Finish 5 games. I’m once again going to try to finish Subnautica: Below Zero and Skyrim, since it’s starting to bother me that I still haven’t yet. This is probably going to be the third year in a row that I’m going to try to finish Skyrim… I better actually do it this time. As for the other three, I definitely want to finish Baldur’s Gate. I also want to finish my replay of Detroit: Become Human, as it would be a shame to quit halfway through. As for the final game… I don’t know. Maybe if I ever come into the possession of a PlayStation 5, I’ll finally get to play Spider-Man 2! If not, we’ll see! I’m sure I’ll find a nice game that I really want to finish next year!

Actually properly check out the Doctor Who audio adventures. I’ve started one of them and really enjoyed it, so next year I want to have listened to at least 4 full 8th Doctor Adventures CD’s on Spotify. I have a feeling I will like those

And that is about all I can think of! Really, I feel like if only I can manage to free up enough time to work on these goals, 2024 could be a wonderful year! I may not have my dream life just yet, but that doesn’t mean I never will. I’ll keep working towards my goals, and hopefully get closer to finding out what my ideal life looks like every year. I don’t know what this next year will have in store for me, but I’m ready to find out!

Last year's post: (x)

#my 2023 #personal #annual reflection post

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saveourskinship · 1 year

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15 Questions/15 People

Rules: answer these 15 questions and tag 15 people

Unrules: I don’t actually know 15 people. So I’m not gonna do that. I also might not actually answer the questions but just ramble instead.

Thanks for the tag @akorah I’m procrastinating so this is perfect.

1. Are you named after anyone? Names are so weird, aren’t they? We don’t get to pick them and they just hang around for the entirety of your life and if you decide you want to change it for any reason there is so much PAPERWORK. I am partially named after someone who no longer knows who I am or even who they are half the time. 2. When was the last time you cried? Today because I accidentally created a painting spirit by being too in love with someone and then had to abandon said love to hunt the painting spirit down (it kept putting people into comas). The spirit trapped me and my love in a mirage and tried to burn us alive but my love saved me but he remained stuck inside the mirage for three whole years. We finally reunited at the Festival of Lanterns and it was beautiful. Tears of Themis is wild y’all.

3. Do you have kids? No, I live in a tiny apartment. If I ever own a cottage though, I will buy a couple to eat the brambles around my hedge-witch lawn.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? I used sarcasm to type that question. So no, of course not.

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people? If their eyes match their expression. Followed by where their centre of gravity is.

6. What’s your eye colour? Line 1, Verse 2 of Christmas Day by Dido.

7. Scary movies or happy endings? Is this boiling down to Marlon Wayans versus Damon Wayans Jr? I’ve definitely seen Scary Movie’s more often but have been thinking I should give Happy Endings another go.

8. Any special talents? I can put my leg behind my head and can glide down a flight of stairs absolutely beautifully. Not at the same time though.

9. Where were you born? In a hospital room with ten very disappointed training doctors who all thought I was going to be what they called an ‘abnormal’ birth. They were rather put out I came out ‘normal’. If they’d just waited twenty or so years...

10. What are your hobbies? Writing, reading, board games, video games, tabletop rpgs, assassinations, lying to people on the internet about how dangerous I am.

11. Do you have any pets? There is a cat which resides in my house but I live in fear she will get offended if I call her a pet.

12. What sports do you play/have you played? That is a very long list and I don’t find it terribly fascinating. I would like to invent a sport, but... owning a team is weird, too, isn’t it? Like, owning people who run and jump and get concussions for you? You take their best years and they earn you money? It’s all very crossroads/brimstone vibes, huh. But if I HAD to invent a sport, I think I would combine the Running Man name-tag rip off game with handball except you have to play in bare feet tand the scoring area is covered in acupuncture mats (the goalies are allowed shoes).

13. How tall are you? 1 cat and 78 dice ranging from d4 to d20 in varying sizes. I tried doing dice only but the cat wasn’t having it.

14. Favourite subject in school? This does not specify which school so it’s a toss up between Look After The Penguin Chicks from pirmary and Sex and Sensuality from university.

15. Dream job? The job I have most often in my dreams is being a pirate captain but my boat only sails through wheat fields. The hull (for whatever reason) is made out of sponge cake so stale is has turned rock hard, however whenever I try to sail my ship in water, the sponge cake softens and my ship begins breaking apart.

Tagging @they-call-me-megs

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pebblysand · 2 years

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[I WOULD LIKE ...]

As you may have seen on Discord, I recently had to go through the #corporatemillenial hell of writing down “goals” for my IRL boss to review and approve. I laboured over the bloody thing for an entire week, proof if needed that there are different types of writing and that I can clearly write 50k of fanfic in three months and still struggle to come up with three lines of actionable professional targets. 🤣Especially knowing that they will inevitably land me the same “meets expectations” at my yearly review that literally everyone else in the #corporate hell I live in gets. Hooray!

This being said, I’m on holidays from IRL work at the moment and I feel like in fanfic and blogging land, the year is coming to a close. It’s funny: ever since I was a child, I’ve always seen the year running through September to August, rather than January to December. Even now - I’ve been out of school for five years, and I still think of it that way. First, I reckon it's the fact that the end of August is usually when I take my only actual, long holiday of the year, and is thus also when I have time to sit down, reflect, breathe, recharge and, most importantly, as someone who is very future-oriented: decide what I want to do next.

I’m also an August baby, so coming up to my birthday on the 26th is actually when another year has officially gone by. Lastly, my friends often affectionately call me a sunflower, meaning I’m boosted by the sun, the heat, long summer days, etc. I’m much more likely to start something/decide on a new project in the summer than in January, where I just want to lay under the covers and sleep until it’s light again. There is a reason why the first chapter of Castles came out at the end of summer 2020, haha.

So, I’ve decided to learn something from my corporate job and sit down to write… things I would like to see happen, this coming school year. These are not “goals” - I’m not tying myself to any of it and am happy for them to change, but it’s just stuff which I’d like to make happen, if I’m able :).

So, without further ado: here is below a list of five things I'd like to see happen between now and August 2023.

1. I WOULD LIKE... TO FINISH CASTLES

Out of all of these, this feels the scariest, but also the most likely to happen. I’ll edit and publish chapters 14 and 15 in the autumn, then probably take a few weeks off writing in October (I’m going to the US for work, then my mum will come to visit in Dublin for her birthday so time will be scarce).

I would then like to write a new ROAR fic in November/December (basically post by Christmas), though I can’t decide if it’ll be the Hermione one (which I really want to write because one of the plotlines is Very Relevant at the moment and matters to me) or one of the Peaky Blinders stories (Ada’s probably), because I get depressed in the autumn (see above) and PB is my comfort TV series. I'm leaving that open - we shall see, haha.

But then, in 2023, I feel like January to August might be the time during which I bury myself into castles again and write the five chapters I have left. Could this be? Honestly, I'm terrified to finish (what will I do next? 😱) but I'm also so fucking excited. If I could make this happen, I would be the happiest gal in the world!

2. I WOULD LIKE... FOR THE PODCAST (@thefanficwriterscraft) TO CONTINUE, GROW, AND POTENTIALLY BECOME FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT

If you’d told me a year ago that I’d have a podcast about fanfiction going (and going strong), I’d have laughed at you. But, now, seven episodes in, I am loving every minute of it. Every new episode seems to do better than the last in terms of downloads and feedback/engagement, and hearing from you guys about how you found it interesting/helpful is honestly the absolute best thing! It makes all the work that goes into it (planning the episodes, recording, editing, etc.) totally worth it. I would like for the podcast to continue to grow, build an audience, build on its themes and episodes, and generally bring something good and useful in the lives of the thousands of fanfiction readers and writers, out there. In my head, it’s my way to (a) help new and existing writers and readers, and (b) contribute to the legitimisation and de-stigmatisation of fanfiction as an art form, which I’ve always struggled with and am obviously very passionate about. I know we've received feedback to that effect already, and it's honestly made my year so far!

In terms of the future of the podcast, as we’ve said before, we’d like to start interviewing more writers about their work, or a particular theme of interest to them, like we did for episode 6. Some might say it’s a good way to extend our reach with more diverse audiences but honestly, most importantly, it’s just fucking fascinating to hear other people’s perspectives on writing. Personally, I find listening to what other people have to say much more fun than listening to the sound of my own voice, haha. That’s one of the things I’m really hoping to do in the next year but getting people to agree to record/do interviews is obviously rather hard. We’ll get there, though. Hopefully! In the meantime, as I've said before, if there's anyone you'd like us to have on, let me know!

Lastly, regarding the podcast, while I’m not hoping to get rich off of it (lol), I would like for it to support itself. I currently pay $12/month for hosting (but I might change platforms soonish, I'm not sure), and I’d like to find some sort of sponsor for that. Not that I can’t afford it, I 100% can and I’m happy to, but it would be great if this just found a way to balance itself. At the same time, I'm always very awkward about asking people for money, especially since I have a cushy corporate job that pays me a comfortable wage. So, I don't know.

I’ve not really looked into anything or even talked with Lani about it yet, and frankly, I’m not sure if it could even happen, but I’d still like it to be at least not a negative entry, financially. It is rather hard, though, because from what I’ve quickly researched online, you need at least a thousand downloads per episode to monetise through ads (and let me tell you, we are far from that lol). The other sustainable solution is patreon (one-time donations are nice, but monthly is better, you know?) but on top of the asking-people-for-money struggle, Patreon also requires you to provide extra benefits and advantages, in exchange for support. To be honest (see point 5 for more info on this), I am totally at capacity in terms of what I can offer the internet at the moment, and don’t know where on Earth I would find the time to offer something extra.

So, I don’t know. It’s one of those things I’d like to see happen, but I don’t know how. Honestly, if you’ve any ideas, let me know. Also, if there’s anything else/new you’d like to see us do on the podcast, please tell me, too :). I'm doing this because I enjoy it, but also for you guys 🥰.

3. I WOULD LIKE … TO WRITE MORE FANDOM/WRITING POSTS

I was under the impression that no one read them but these days, I can’t seem to go anywhere without someone mentioning one of my long opinion posts on fandom/writing to me, which I linked here. So, I’ve been thinking: maybe I should write more of these? You guys clearly seem to enjoy them, and I'm pig-headed Gryffindor with Opinions, so it suits all of us 🤣. There’s certain writing advice/fandom stuff that wouldn’t necessarily fit within the podcast if they require visuals for example, and I’m like: why not write them out? Some people contribute to fandom via writing metas, but I’d love to write about: the monetisation of fanfiction and copyright law, the fandom move to discord, fanfiction stats, etc. That’s stuff that’s kind of outside the realm of the podcast, that I’d also be keen on exploring.

I was already going to do this last year and began with the 15 things I learnt post in January, then the editing one in February, but then the podcast happened, and I also spent so much time writing castles… I think if I’m gonna do it, I’d have to write them during those months I’m taking “off” writing, then schedule them for later. I love writing these and I can see you guys like them as well so I really want to try and make it work, somehow.

4. I WOULD LIKE... TO READ MORE FIC

I feel legitimately embarrassed by this but I think since January, I’ve probably read less fic than I can count on my fingers. And, it’s not that I don’t like reading fic, to the contrary, but I find it So Hard to find fic to read in the Potter fandom. I used to live in fandoms where you could reasonably refresh AO3 every day and be served with a reasonable number (20/30) new fics, so looking through those and finding a couple you wanted to read was nice and easy. I used to read at least a fic every night.

But in HP, it’s all about tags, genres, ships, etc. and there's thousands of fics published every day. I don’t fucking know how to search. I don't know what I want to read before I read it. I can be convinced of a lot of things, if the writing's good. For example: I’m not interested in the Marauders - should I always exclude all the Sirius/Remus fics? But then, I’m not opposed to the pairing, I just don’t want it to be all about them, and what if I exclude good fics that just happen to have this tag? I also don’t love fluff, but sometimes I like certain fluffy fics, and sometimes fics have that tag amongst others. And, I used to go through people’s bookmarks (either people who’d bookmarked fics I like or fics I wrote) but now everything that’s popping up I’ve already read, or people generally have less varied taste than I do. Like, if you look at my bookmarks, there’s: character pieces, a bit of Romione, a bit of Hinny, a bit of Harmony, a bit of gen, a couple of Dramiones even, etc. But most people are only focused on one thing, which I respect, but it’s not helping my own selfish search, you know? 🤣. I always end up giving up in the end and go back to my books.

I want to hire someone to go through AO3 for me, find the good fics and send me a weekly digest lol.

5. I WOULD LIKE... TO FIND A BETTER WORK/LIFE BALANCE

Last but not least, as they say. This is the toughest one because for the life of me, I don’t know what to do about it. What I do know is that I work at my day job 30-40 hours a week (depending on work from home, etc. let’s be honest, I’m not productive all the time), spend around 10 hours a week on this blog/the podcast, and when I’m writing (which, let’s be honest, is most of the time) easily 20 hours a week on that, plus generally any hour I’ve claimed back from my 9-5 to illegally (sue me) write fanfic during my work hours. My last relationship tanked for the sole reason that I didn’t have time to see him + see my friends, and I can’t justify abandoning my friendships, so something had to give.

And, it’s hard because a lot of the time, when you say (even to people who love fanfic) that you spend so much time on it, they say: “Oh, don’t worry, chill, it’s just fanfic,” which I know comes from a place of love, but also it’s one of the things in my life that makes me happiest and keeps me sane. My 9-5 brings me money, but writing is what makes me happy. And, chatting with you all, and maintaining the podcast, and the blog - that also brings a smile to my face. It’s fun. I want to do it more. And, yes, it’s fanfic, but it’s writing, first and foremost. So, I don’t want to give that up. I can’t afford to give up my day job, and I don’t want to stop seeing those I love. I struggle to find time for everything.

There’s a whole rhetoric amongst millennials at the moment that’s like: your day job can just be about money, it doesn’t have to be your passion, etc. which I totally agree with, but also how realistic is it to have a full-time job, a time-consuming hobby, exercise, a family, a significant-other, friends, and a decent mental health? Like - how? I’m slowly starting to rest, being on hols at the moment, but when I finished my last writing sprint I was absolutely burnt out. And, it’s also hard to face how long it takes you to work on something and finish it, when you’re working on it part-time. I know I could have finished Castles in a year if I hadn’t been employed. Yet, here we still are, two years later (sigh).

So, I don’t know. Honestly, what I’m hoping is that I can somehow sustain this rhythm on and off until I finish Castles and also have enough money saved (from my previsions, looking at January 2024) to quit and live off my savings for six months to a year. I also think I would feel better quitting once Castles is finished in the way that I wouldn’t just be quitting to write fanfiction which doesn't have any recognised value, both as an art form and as an economic thing, but quitting to write my own stuff. I know I could write original work, and ultimately I want to, it’s just the time that’s lacking, and I find it hard to sustain multiple long projects at once (i.e. castles + original writing). I would like to not be burnt out by the end of next year, but who the fuck knows? If anyone out there has any idea how to make work, please let me know haha.

Anyway, these are the “I would likes” for this coming school year. If you feel like doing your own, even in your own head, don’t hesitate to do so! If anything, this was quite exciting and cathartic. Fuck capitalism which prevents me from blogging and writing fanfic all day haha!

Lots of love,

-jo

#pebblysand rants #yearly goals #september is the true start of the year and you don't have me thinking otherwise

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survey--s · 2 years

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314.

1 - When’s the last time it was 95F/35C or more degrees? Last week, but it probably only lasted a few hours. Now it’s about 20 degrees cooler and pissing down with rain, haha.

2 - What is the silliest street name you’ve heard of? Shitterton Lane.

3 - What’s the most popular sport in the current town (or nearest town) you live in? Rugby, football and cricket in equal measures, I’d say.

4 - Have you ever seen a midnight showing of a movie before? Nah, I’m too lazy to want to stay up that late just to see a movie, lol.

5 - If you had to be allergic to something for whatever reason, what would you pick to be allergic to? Emptying the bins lol.

6 - What’s the last thing you got for a dollar or less (including tax)? Uhh, a bottle of water I think.

7 - What smoothie shop do you go to most often? We don’t have any around here. I used to love Boost! though I’ve not see one in absolutely ages.

8 - Do you or would you wear apparel with your favorite character from a TV show, movie, or video game? I would, yeah.

9 - When’s the last time you had a panic or anxiety attack? Do you ever cry when you have an episode? I haven’t had one in a long time thankfully, but yes, I’ve never had one that hasn’t resulted in me crying.

10 - Have you ever seen an NC-17 film? Can you name one? I don’t know what that means?

11 - Have you ever been in a house with an elevator in it? Nope.

12 - How would your life change if you had twelve-hour days? How about if the days were 48 hours long? I’d hate it if days were shorter, I love the balance I have at the moment. If they were longer...I guess it’d be fine but I’d spend more time sleeping which kind of defeats the point.

13 - Have you seen, or would you see a psychic? If you have seen one, what did they tell you about your future or yourself? Nah, I don’t believe in that kind of thing.

14 - When’s the last time you were freezing inside a store? When I last went to Tesco during the heatwave - it was bloody lovely lol.

15 - Would you rather ski, snowboard, or go sledding? Ski. I miss skiing.

16 - What Rock Band or Guitar Hero games have you played? What would be your favorite? I don’t remember the names but I had a few of each. I liked the Beatles version of whichever one it was - Rockband, I think?

17 - What age was the most boring age for you? What made it so boring? Probably mid-twenties. I was working a dead-end job, my relationship was pretty rubbish and we were flat broke.

18 - What is your neighborhood called (not the street but the actual community)? lol, like I’m going to announce that on here.

19 - Have you ever watched a film that was originally in English in a different language? Yeah, we used to do that in French classes in school.

20 - What would you add to a garden if you had one? A swimming pool.

21 - What was the oddest thing you’ve seen on a street corner? A decapitated badger.

22 - How often do you see people reading, texting, or something else you shouldn’t be doing at the wheel of a car? Loads lol. Pretty much every single time I get in the car.

23 - Name a phrase that you like. Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light”

24 - Your favorite animal (or one you really like): Is it the whole species you like or are you just interested in one breed of it (example with dogs: You like all dogs but mostly pugs)? I generally like the whole species, though there are some breeds and types I like more than others, I suppose.

25 - Name a song that is considered so beautiful to you that it should be a part of a movie or TV show. Somewhere over the Rainbow.

#survey #surveys

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jaz-rites · 1 year

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it’s been a while

wow, what a year. just... hm. that was certainly something.

I’ve decided that I’m gonna change up the style of this blog, to better accommodate... well, a lot of things. How I feel about writing. How I feel about stories. How to keep myself motivated despite everything.

just a few highlights from my year:

frankly, it’s difficult as hell to even remember what all happened this year. every year since 2019 has felt like a whole decade each, and yet i still keep referring to things that happened in 2020 as “last year.” yikes, right. complex trauma certainly does affect memory huh

just this year, I went from living with my partner & our cat in a leaky, broken-down RV to being housed, then re-housed because the first house wasn’t habitable (though of course the landlords rented it out again as soon as we left, without fixing anything.) I spent the entire summer and autumn recovering from the exhaustion of moving metamorphosing immediately into problems at the apartment (we moved into a pest problem, and just as everything in the apartment has started to break down.) Now it’s already December, and our lease at this apartment is ending in late spring, and hopefully also our time in Kansas. I spent almost the entire year inside again, and that’s showing no signs of improving as covid and other viruses worsen again with no sign of help from those supposedly elected to serve the needs of the people.

I’ll always find as much time for writing as I possibly can-- it’s my favorite hobby, and I’m not about to abandon my goal of writing a novel. I might just go at a slower pace, to accommodate for the way my life has been picking up in terms of responsibilities. I’m back in school, for something I really enjoy and appreciate, and I’m piecing together how to make it my full-time job. My partner and I are looking at houses with my siblings. I’m looking into my future and I see a family and a home there, coming ever-closer.

so much is bleak when i look outside the tiny, slowly-expanding bubble I’ve been able to help maintain. sometimes I get impatient with the way progress takes time.

I took a couple months off after working on a story really hardcore for like 2 months solid. Definitely burned myself out on that one for a while. In the meantime, I’ve been working here and there on non-novel-related writing, and some other personal writing projects. I’ve come to accept that the big ol’ writing challenges simply aren’t well-suited to my style. I work on things as the inspiration comes, I’m always thinking about one story or another even if I’m not writing it. I haven’t yet figured out how to augment and adapt NaNoWriMo-types of challenges to my style, so I’ll just keep writing in my own way. I hope the tortoise give me their blessing for this race.

I started working on a cozy paranormal story inspired a little bit by Natsume’s Book of Friends, just because I absolutely adore the vibe of that show, to the point where it’s one I’ve adopted into my very small collection of comfort watches. working on something I well and fully acknowledge as escapist has had its perks when the bad news gets to be too much. I’m lucky I’ve had the luxury to hide from danger. All of my writing has started to reflect, more than a little bit, how I wish the world would be. I’m still working on WTF, I’m still working on Trash Prince, I’m working on my Cozy Story. Just rapidly oscillating between writing various stories and resting, as my whims demand.

anyway. it’s hard to keep this light, but that’s something I want to acknowledge, too. I don’t want this blog to be only about certain parts of my writing process. I don’t feel drawn to make this blog particularly polished. I made it so I could talk about writing, which for me, is a chaotic, meandering process. So, instead of just using this blog to share semi-polished writing and fundraising links, I’ll be using it more often for journal-ish posts like this, the occasional out-of-context rambling about one of my writing projects as I’m working through something I’m stuck on, or have a new idea to include. And probably, hopefully, more shitposts.

seeya soon,

- jaz

#jaz journals #lifey upd8

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carlisles-girl · 3 years

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OMG UR CAIUS FIC WAS SO GOOD COULD YOU DO SOMETHING AB ARO PLEASE

a/n: Thank you so much! I’m very excited to write for Aro, he’s one of my favourite characters, more so because of Michael Sheen’s performance. I put a slight reference to something in this, you might catch it if you know other projects Michael Sheen has been in, but you might not, and that’s alright. Hope you enjoy <3

another a/n: I did put one or two feminine terms in this work, such as ‘mia regina’ which is ‘my queen’ in Italian, so do skip over it or replace it with something else if you’d like. I love writing this type of material in the middle of my classes, it adds so much adrenaline to not get caught.

Aro Volturi With A Human Mate

Instead of being angry and frustrated like Caius, Aro was more excited.

Like as if he was getting ready for a big party.

A human for a mate was inevitable for some vampires, of course, but Aro didn’t expect to be included in the some.

He was excited since it was rare for such high profile vampires to socialize with humans.

Aro often gushed to his brothers, excited to meet you, but also for them to meet you.

He wanted to host a ball for your welcome.

But Marcus noted that it would probably be slightly frightening for you to be in a room full of vampires.

Most of the vampires would look at you as if you were some sort of a snack.

Because it Marcus’ comment, Aro assumed it would be a greater choice to send an invitation to a tour of the castle.

Free of cost, of course.

When you had received the invitation, you were beyond excited.

An invitation to a tour of an ancient castle with endless legends, for free?

Absolutely.

The tour was the next day, so of course you were slightly nervous.

When the tour commenced, a very pretty woman named Heidi lead the tour group.

She began to speak of secrets of the castle, as well as secret corridors and legends.

Some things a normal tour guide would most likely have no idea about.

Heidi then looked in your direction, and smiled brightly at you.

“It’s very lovely here. I’m sure you’ll love it.”

Just when she had finished her sentence, she opened the doors where there were three men sitting in thrones, and what seemed to be 4 guards.

The man who sat in the middle, greeted everyone and began speaking greatly of the castle.

He had only stopped when he motioned for your tour guide, Heidi, to come forward.

She did as told, and held her hand out towards him.

You would have thought it was to greet him, but it seemed like he was concentrated, or zoned out.

“Magnifico! I will get Demetri to escort them.” (Translation: “Magnificent! I will get Demetri to escort them.”

A man who you assumed was Demetri, walked in your direction.

“Come with me, all will be alright, rest assured. However, do not look behind you.”

You went with him, doing as he said, but immediately turned around when the rest of the tour began screaming.

“What the hell was that?!”

Demetri just grabbed your wrist and brought you upstairs.

“Just stay in here, I’ve been instructed to keep you under my eye. Aro will explain everything to you.”

“Aro?”

“The man who sat in the middle throne.”

You nodded, and decided to sit on one of the window seats.

You wanted to ask Demetri as many questions as you wanted to, but you didn’t want to bother him, or disrupt him from his job.

When the door had opened and Demetri bid his farewells, you had turned around and saw Aro.

“You must be Y/n, correct?”

“Yeah, and you’re Aro?”

“I am, I assume you have a good amount of questions?”

You nodded, and Aro moved swiftly but smoothly towards the opposite side of the window seat.

“May I?”

“Of course.”

He sat opposite to you, and smiled slightly at you.

“There’s no need to be afraid of me, or the others. You’re the most safe you could ever be in the castle. I promise you, I will keep you safe.”

“May I ask why the rest of the tourists were screaming when I left?”

“I sense that that question should be answered later, appropriately.”

You were slightly frightened as to what the final answer would be, it could be anything.

Perhaps there was a reenactment of the past after you had been escorted, one of the tourists got pushed and the rest screamed since one of them fell, or the worst:

They were murdered.

“I feel like I already know what happened.”

“I sense that you do know, too. I will tell you everything in a moment. But for now, would you care to lend me your hand?”

You trusted Aro, though you were positive your ancestors were screaming from above or below not to trust him.

You held your hand out in front of him, and before he held your hand in his own, he asked for permission or something else.

“I want you to think of the happiest memory you have stored in your mind, I will describe it to you. I will not see anything else besides the things you want to show me, unless I have your permission.”

You thought of a memory, and then placed your hand in Aro’s palm.

He covered the back of your hand with the palm of his other hand, then he began telling you small details of your chosen memories you had even forgotten about.

When he was finished, he brought his head up from looking down, and smiled at your face of bewilderment.

“That is so cool! Is that like your superhero power?”

Aro smiled widely at your interest in his gift, and began explaining what his was.

“I have a gift, it’s called tactile telepathy. I can read everyone’s thoughts and memories with a single touch. The others in this coven have multiple different gifts, they help keep us safe.”

“So you’re all like superheroes?”

“Vampires, darling.”

After that, Aro enjoyed seeing your memories whenever you two were apart for some sort of time.

Especially say you were having a difficult time attempting to explain something to him, he would hold your hand and immediately understand what you were trying to say.

“I understand you, cara mia. I always will.”

And he was right, he understands you in every way possible.

Aro memorized your body language on how you react to different things, as well as your facial expressions.

When you’re uncomfortable with something, he will do absolutely everything in his power to make you comfortable.

Aro will burn down the entire world for you.

When it’s time for you to go to sleep, you best believe that Aro set up the most lavish and comfortable room for you.

The best and most comfortable bed, of course.

You lay down on his chest, and he brushes the hair out of your face, admiring your tired eyes looking back at him.

“Would you like for me to read to you, dearest?”

You nodded your head, and Aro would get up from wherever he was seated, swiftly retrieve a book, lay back down next to you, and begin reading.

He loved having you hold his hand while he read, it lets him see what you’re imagining the scene that he’s reading to you.

And when you fell asleep while he was reading, he would be so very content.

You curled up next to him, sound asleep on his chest.

Aro adored seeing what you were dreaming.

He loved how humans brains worked while they were sleeping, keeping your mind entertained with multiple little scenarios.

When you woke up, however, Aro would prefer to have you describe your dreams, if you remembered them.

He loved to learn more about humans, especially in the modern age.

And you loved to learn more about vampires, especially in the ancient times.

Aro would often tell you stories of each coven he encountered, his old family and friends, and his past human life.

As much as he wants you to be changed into a vampire like the rest, he can’t help but smile whenever you got slightly nervous around him, stuttering over your words, and hiding your face with your hands out of embarrassment.

He pays attention to little details about you.

Especially your eyes.

Even the shade of your eyes stops him from changing you. Your eyes wouldn’t be as unique anymore, they’d be the same red as everyone else’s.

“You have the most magnificent shade of colour in your eyes, mia regina. I simply cannot get enough of them.”

Being absolute best friends with Demetri.

But wherever Demetri was, Felix wasn’t too far behind.

You three are like a troublemaker trio, always causing trouble and pulling pranks on different members of the guard.

Never Jane or Alec, though. Unless it was a scheduled board game night or something along the lines.

Which Alec loved to take away different players senses, allowing him to cheat in the games you’d play.

He doesn’t do it all the time, though.

Marcus was a lot more welcoming towards you, perhaps more than anyone else.

Whenever Aro couldn’t, he’d show you different areas of the castle you hadn’t seen yet, and would give you wonderful pieces of advice along the way.

“Remember to stay true to yourself, never let anyone think for you.”

Aro will spoil you insanely.

If you mention a specific piece of clothing even once, you better expect that when you wake up the next morning, Aro has an elegantly wrapped package placed at the foot of your bed with a note written in fine handwriting.

“Mia amato, I have seen you speak of this article of fabric, and I have gone out of my way to make sure you have every little thing you admire. I need you to be the happiest you can possibly be. Please accept my gift, and meet me by the gardens by noon. I’ll see you then. Cordialmente, Aro.”

You two have annual walks throughout the garden, usually during golden hour. The sun still above, but setting at the same time, making it seem like Aro was made of a trillion Tiffany Yellow Diamonds.

He loved finding a flower that suited your mood for the day, and putting it behind your ear.

“My beautiful.”

You two often walked either arm in arm, or hand in hand, but sometimes you would hold him closer with your arm wrapped around his waist, your head leaning on his side or shoulder.

Often times, when the moon is visible, you would slow dance together, looking at each other with smiles on your faces, just appreciating each other’s presence.

Usually, Aro would come back into the castle around 2 in the morning, carrying your sleeping self up to your shared room, after you had fallen asleep on his shoulder while sitting in the garden.

The rest of the kings and guards would be predominantly more happy than from before you had arrived.

You had given Aro something to look forward to after trials and mountains of work, something he didn’t have for hundreds of years.

Though, Caius was still slightly jealous of you.

You had practically stolen one, if the not the most, needed member of the vampire world. Aro was nearly as focused on you than he was on trials and legislature.

He’d warm up to you eventually.

At least, you hoped.

Speaking of trials, you wanted to sit in and watch the trials, to see what it was about, and how it worked.

You knew the most of it, of course, Aro had already told you. But you wanted to see it live.

Aro was quick to say no, he didn’t want you to get hurt, or worse, killed.

He understood what would happen to him if his mate was killed, Marcus was the example. He couldn’t even bear the thought of you not being by his side.

Though, you owning the key to his heart, convinced him to let you watch, letting both Jane and Alec stay on either side of you, protecting you if anything were to go wrong.

You would usually sit on Aro’s lap, and then the throne when he had to see what was truly going on by using his gift.

Jane usually stood on the left of the throne, and Alec on the right.

Mainly since Caius sat on the throne in the left, and Jane loved to torture the criminals.

He loved the front seat view.

Constant look backs of reassurance to make sure that you’re alright.

Nearly always having your hand in his.

Forehead kisses.

Constantly bringing the back of your hand up to his lips.

Getting the absolute best care in the world, health wise especially.

When Aro proposed, it was in the bedroom the both of you share, and he was reading some poetry to you.

All was going swell, and then he got to one page.

“I can write no stately poem

As a prelude to my lay;

From a poet to a poem

I would dare to say.

For if of these fallen petals

One to you seem fair

Love will waft it till it settles

On your hair.

And when wind and winter harden

All the loveless land.

It will whisper of the garden,

You will understand.”

At the end, you were leaned up closer to him, looking at him in awe.

He closed the book, and placed it aside gracefully, before leaning slightly closer to you. Placing his hands overs yours.

“Do you remember who wrote that, cara mia?”

“I do. That’s Oscar Wilde, right?”

“That’s right. There’s so much I want to say to you, especially in this particular moment, but I don’t think there’s enough words to express my love and affection towards you. I’ve known you for a little while, and I can feel the bond between us, and I know you can feel it, too. The universe has guided us together, and I am so very thankful for every second we have spent together, and I’m even more thankful for the rest of eternity we have. However, I am the most thankful of the fact that I have the most gorgeous human as a mate. I love you so much, anima mia. Will you do me the best thing that could ever happen to me in my thousands of years, and marry me?”

You said yes, obviously, who wouldn’t?

You leaned over to press your lips against his, as he held one side of your face with one hand, and the other hand slid a ring on your ring finger.

While Aro wanted an extremely lavish wedding, with all the diamonds in the world, you wanted something more of a homely essence.

So you compromised, and had a bit of both.

Aro invited nearly every vampire to the wedding, wanting to show you off in every way he could.

The Denali’s, Cullens, Irish coven, everyone was invited.

Except for the Romanian coven, Vladimir and Stefan. Not trusting them to be in your presence.

The wedding was held in the garden, the arch where Aro stood had your favourite flowers intertwining around it, with diamonds pressed in the centre of each individual flower.

Demetri walked you down the isle, smiling proudly when he handed you over to Aro.

Proud that his leader had finally found true love, and that one of his best friends is finally where they need to be.

After the official wedding ceremony, the rest of the night and day were spent smiling and showing off each other to the guests.

When the night ended, it was finally time for you to be changed to a vampire.

Aro sat by the bed were sitting on, making sure that you were absolutely ready to be converted to a vampire for the rest of eternity.

“Are you ready, my darling?”

You nodded your head, and Aro took one final look into your coloured eyes, attempting to remember every small detail of them.

Aro then moved your hair away from your neck, before placing his lips over where he would finally bite down and turn you immortal.

“Just say when, and I’ll see you after.”

#twilight x reader #twilight preferences #twilight #twilight imagine #aro volturi #aro twilight #volturi preferences #volturi kings #aro #volturi #aro volturi imagine #aro volturi x reader #aro volturi oneshot #twilight aro #volturi oneshot #volturi imagine

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acourtofsnakes · 3 years

Text

A Helping Hand - Bucky Barnes x Reader (f)

(Gif: @sebastianruinedme )

Summary: After a stressful week, you try to wind down with some personal time but nothing quite hits that spot. And a certain Super Soldier may just be more than willing to help you.

Warnings: 18+ Smut - Masturbation/toys, Oral (f receiving), fingering, neck play, arm/hand kink, dirty talk, a faint Dom theme if you squint, swearing – honestly, Bucky should just be a kink in himself.

Word count: 5k+ words full of hot playtime.

A/N: This is just filth, to be honest. I was feeling a certain way after watching episode 3 of TFATWS and seeing that scene with Bucky cleaning his hand and… ideas happened, and this was born. There’s not really a plot… simply enjoy.

Smut under the cut!!

Permanent Taglist: @greeneyedblondie44 @mamacitapascal

Part 2

There was something to be said about the advancement of toys in recent years.

There were hundreds of them. All different types. For all different things.

Rabbits, waterproof vibrators, pulsating and pounding ones, ones that felt like oral, handsfree vibrators, remote control vibrators – the list went on.

You had a lot. Tucked in a drawer of your dresser in a pretty box that just made you go all tingly in the knees every time you saw it.

You were proud of your collection.

And boy, did you love them.

They never let you down, ever.

But unfortunately, tonight was just not one of those nights.

It has been a tough week.

Not only had you taken a beating in training yesterday, but you were also late for an appointment across the city, which resulted in being yelled at by Fury.

You really regretted decided to help him when he needed it.

There wasn’t a lot going on lately, so you offered to help Fury when he needed it.

Usually, you were on his food side.

Yesterday, not so much.

Everything seemed out to get you, and after the shit show of the week, you just wanted to treat yourself. So, you’d holed yourself up in your room on your floor of the compound, had a long, luxurious soak in the bath, and then decided to work out your anxiety and tension with one of your many, many friends.

And for the first time in a while, they just weren’t hitting that spot.

Literally.

You groaned, throwing the third toy - this one a rabbit that was one of your most trusty companions - on the side of your bed.

For the last forty minutes, you’d been dancing between three different toys and your fingers.

You’d tried being on your belly, your side, and your back. You’d even tried a pillow.

But nothing was the right pressure on your clit, no toy or finger felt deep enough inside, and you couldn’t hit that spot inside without getting a wicked cramp in your wrist that forced you to stop.

You sat up, every nerve in your body wound to a knife edge, leaving you frustrated and tempted to throttle someone.

Or get someone to throttle you.

Preferably whilst pinning you to a wall... or a desk.

Or anywhere really.

You just needed something, anything to get out this frustration and give you the release you’d been desperately chasing all night.

It wasn’t even a case of hovering on the edge - you couldn’t even get there. The fire and heat just stayed a kindling ember in your belly, and never reaching that explosive fire.

After getting up and downing a measure of whiskey whilst watching the rain, you decided to try a last-ditch attempt with a different toy.

This one was a curved vibrator, with a thicker rounder head for supposedly perfect pressure on your g-spot.

Simple, straight forward.

Surely, if none of the others had done it, this one finally would.

After settling back on your bed, you took a little more care this time, even going as far to light a few candles to add an ambiance to the room rather than have it pitch black with the sounds of the rain.

You worked yourself up this time, building it slowly, teasing yourself with brushes of your fingertips over your throat and breasts, setting your skin ablaze.

You pushed yourself to the edge a little, and then worked over with your vibrator.

Until ten minutes later, when you literally launched the vibrator across the room and it hit the wall with a resounding thud, that echoed your hiss of frustration. “Fucking hell.”

A shit week, a shit day, and you couldn’t even fuck yourself well enough to be able to wind down and get some sleep.

There was a sudden knock and then Bucky’s voice echoed through your bedroom door. “Darlin’?” There was a slight hint of his Brooklyn accent peeping through at the end, stirring something within you.

You startled, sitting bolt upright and your head snapped to the door, “Bucky?” You had the good sense to lock the door, but still. He was right there.

His shadow moved beneath the door, and you realised he was leaning against it, “Is everything alright? I heard banging.”

Well, no not really. I’ve been trying to get myself off for the last hour and nothing appears to be working and I’m sitting here naked whilst you’re the other side of my door calling me Darling in that ridiculously hot accent that shouldn’t even be that hot. But hey, apart from that, everything’s great.

You slid off the bed, padding across the room after dropping your toys back in their drawer, glaring at it as you passed. You slipped a robe on before making your way across the fluffy rug to the door, “Yeah, I’m okay...” You unlocked the door, tugging it open.

Bucky was leaning against the doorframe, all broad shoulders, long lines and soft smile.

His searing blue eyes were instantly locked onto you, a smirk playing on those gorgeous lips.

He cocked his head, standing there with his arms crossed, and you noticed that for once, he wasn’t wearing any gloves. Just a simple long-sleeved T-shirt, jeans that hung sinfully close to his hips and... no boots. Just socks.

Like he’d taken his shoes off before waking into your apartment.

Ever the gentleman.

His arm was bare, the soft light of the hall bouncing off of the black vibranium and sparking the gold. You’d always loved his arm. The sheer power of it, the way you’d seen it shatter a man’s ribs instantly and tear through a brick wall like it was made of glass. The same hand that tickled behind the ears of a stray kitten in Prospect Park and test the ripeness of plums at the market.

You wanted that hand around your throat.

Eyes the colour of the Arctic sea roamed over your body, from your slightly mussed up hair to the flush along your neck that disappeared in the dip of your dressing gown. “Mm... are you sure about that?” He tilted his coyly, a smirk playing on his lips and you had a feeling this expression had been one of the trademarks since the 40’s.

You narrowed your eyes at him, more than aware that he was seeing far more than you wanted him to, “I’m fine.” You turned from the door, leaving it open for him to come in, “How comes you’re up on my floor, anyway?” You peered over your shoulder at him as you padded across the room to the drinks cart.

Yes, there was a bar on your floor, but why couldn’t you have a cart in your room? Tony hadn’t even needed to ask when designing it.

Bucky walked in, his footfalls silent like a cat, that training never quite leaving him, “I couldn’t sleep. No nightmares, just restless.” He added the last part quickly, in response to the concern that tightened your expression.

It was nothing unusual, Bucky coming up here to your room.

You often found each other after nightmares or rough days, seeking comfort and distraction from the darkness that lingered.

Some days and nights, you went out, needing an outside diversion from the thoughts.

Other times, you stayed in, watching films, talking, training or just... sitting quietly, knowing that the other persons presence was enough protection and reassurance. Words weren’t needed… just company.

You handed him a drink, plopping down on the end of your bed and you watched him sink into the couch opposite, “Anything you wanna talk about?”

Since everything with the War, Bucky was working on fitting back into a routine, into ‘normal’ life - or what could be considered normal for people like yourselves.

He was undergoing his mandatory therapy sessions, and they seemed to be helping him.

He was back in contact with Sam, and the pair even worked a few jobs together now and then, even if they did bicker like an old married couple - it provided great entertainment when you tagged along.

He leant back on the couch, settling his left arm across the back. He always looked at home on your floor, relaxed, like his mind could shut off a little. “Nah, I’m okay... Thank you though.” He shot you an easy smile again, one that he probably hadn’t used in.... decades. “What about you? Why are you up so late?”

Mimicking his shrug, you kept your expression neutral, making sure your eyes didn’t drift to that certain drawer, “Rough week. I was reading to try and drift off.”

“Mmmhm...” Bucky’s hummed response told you instantly that he did not believe you one bit. “What were you reading? Cosmopolitan’s best guide to toys?” That shit eating grin graced his face and he motioned gracefully with his left hand... to the corner of the room.

The vibrator you’d launched was sitting on the floor, nestled in the rug, the soft mint green silicone practically a beacon.

Okay.

Okay…. So. There were two ways you could respond to this.

Either play it off, deny it and change the subject.

Or…

Turning back to him, you shrugged again, “Oh, I’ve read that back to front. And made a few additions myself.” You cocked your head, a faint flutter in your belly as you awaited his response.

The barest flicker of surprise danced across his beautiful, rugged features before dissolving into something confident and smouldering. “Well, it looks to me like their guide isn’t true to review tonight. Something tells me you’re having a little bit of trouble.” His voice had begun to lower into a deeper, the natural roughness of his voice coming out.

It stoked that fire within you, warming your blood and curling low in your belly.

“And if I was? What would you suggest to help?” It was almost impossible to remain sitting still as the atmosphere folded and changed. There was one obvious route to your back and forth… and you wanted it.

Wanted… him.

And if you were honest, you had for a long time now. There was just something about him that you’d always been drawn to, a simmering tension that settled whenever you were together.

Bucky rose from the sofa in a fluid movement, walking toward you slowly, casually, but with the grace and prowl of a wolf eyeing up its next meal – you.

And fuck, you wanted him to devour you.

He slid his hands into his pockets, feet silent on your wooden floor, “Well… I would say that as wonderful as your toys may be… they’re just that. Toys. They can’t… feel what you like.” His eyes burned through you with each of his steps. “They don’t hear the noises you make when they hit the right spot. They don’t get to see the way your body reacts, the way your teeth sink into your bottom lip because it feels overwhelmingly good.”

He was close enough for you to smell his cologne, and that only added to the growing wetness between your thighs as his filthy, beautiful words.

Bucky stopped in front of you, removing his left hand and touching his fingers to your chin to tilt it up to face him, “They can’t know the little things… the deeper angle, that extra finger or sweep of the tongue… they can’t make you so wet that it runs down your thighs and they can’t make you arch off the bed as you shatter into starlight…” He sighed softly, shaking his head in mock disappointment, “I’m afraid they just… can’t make you come the way a real person could.” He applied a little pressure to the underside of your chin, and you rose to your – unsteady - feet instantly, putty in his hands.

Holy fuck, Bucky Barnes had a mouth on him.

Your teeth had indeed sunk into your lower lip, and your breathing had grown shallow. It was an effort to keep your thighs firmly locked together… Because you were just as wet as he had said.

The dark flame in his eyes told you that he knew the reaction you were having to him. He brushed a cool thumb over your lip, then tugged it gently to free it from your teeth and at the same time, he leant his head down to your level, “They can’t make you come like I can, darlin’.” This close, his warm lips brushed the shell of your ear, his voice reduced to a husky rasp that only further drew out that Brooklyn accent.

The soft moan that left your lips was almost pitiful, but you didn’t care, “Shit.”

You breathed the word, earning a deep chuckle in your ear before Bucky pulled back, only enough to see your face, “You want me to help you? Give you a helping hand?” His words were low and seductive, but he was looking between your eyes, making no more moves until he knew you wanted this.

If you changed your mind, he would leave right now, and say no more about it.

That very thought pained you.

Something had always hovered between you both… and maybe now was the time to let it out. You shared a few kisses on nights out and he had featured heavily in your fantasies night after night, wishing your fingers were his, the toys were him….

You met his eyes, your own clear and sure and you kept that gaze as you parted your lips. Then swept your tongue along his thumb and tilted your head down just enough to take it between your lips. The vibranium was smooth, cold and it felt oddly delightful on your tongue. “Make me come, Bucky. Prove to me you’re better than the toys.” Your voice was low with need, a soft pleading note for him there as you gazed up through your eyelashes.

The Arctic blue of his eyes deepened to near midnight, his pupils blowing out as he watched you talk around his thumb, your tongue sweeping over the metal and he almost purred, “Oh, baby, you won’t need toys when I’m done.” And then he was on you.

He gently pulled his hand from your face, instead placing it lightly around your neck, the heavy metal settling on your collarbones and that alone drenched you.

He looked between your eyes, checking one final time and then his mouth was lowering onto yours, his lips warm, plush and ever so inviting. Instantly, he licked a teasing line along your lips, which you would have parted for him without the request.

Bucky’s tongue slipped past your lips, sweeping against yours in hot strokes as he explored every corner of your mouth.

He tasted divine, and even more so when his thumb lightly tipped your chin back and he traced the tip of his tongue along the roof of your mouth, licking over the ridges and showing you exactly what that tongue could do.

A groan left your lips, and you slid your hands up his arms to those shoulders, those gorgeous broad shoulders that all you wanted to do was dig your nails into them and use for support as you rode him.

A deep curl of delight and joy was unfurling within the heat in your belly, because you needed this, needed more of him and his hands and his tongue and his words… and you were finally getting it

Hell, he had only just started kissing you and you already could have fallen apart just from that.

“Why have we not been doing this all the time?” Was the only thought that your already fuzzy mind could come up with as he pulled away slowly from your lips, only to begin pressing hot, open kisses against your jaw that were all teeth and tongue. He seared a path to your neck, kissing all over until he found that particular spot that made you whimper and arch into his body.

Bucky laughed low against your neck, the sound vibrating, “Oh, baby, you were struggling, weren’t you? I’ve barely even touched you and you’re already a mess…” He used his hand on your throat to tilt your head to the side, before biting at your skin, sweeping his tongue over the hot and sucking a deep mark there.

A slight whine rippled in your throat, fingers pulling as his shirt and your chest pushed against his, the firm heat of him making your nipples tighten, especially when he pushed into you.

Bucky slipped a hand between your bodies, tugging at the cord of your dressing gown and it slipped from your shoulders, leaving you bare and open to him.

He licked down your neck, his tongue smoothing over the shape of your collarbones and then down your sternum to your breasts. He butterfly kissed the soft flesh, then almost delicately sucked at your rleft nipple, lifting his vibranium hand to squeeze the other, “So beautiful…” He mumbled it half to himself, his dark mussed up curls soft against your skin.

One of your hands trailed up the back of his neck, slightly tangling in the hair at the base of his head and you pushed your chest further into his mouth, “Tease.” The word was a soft gasp, your eyes closing in pleasure and your lips parting.

He chuckled, pulling back to blow a cool breath on the wet skin, watching your nipple harden and then he moved to give the other the same treatment, “Oh, I’m a tease, am I? I can stop if you like.” He grinned around the delicate skin, just slightly grazing his teeth as he tugged your nipple and then he continued his trail of kisses down your body, slowly sinking to his knees. “I don’t think you’ll ask me to stop though, darlin’.” His right hand grasped your ankle, and then he ghosted warm fingertips up your leg, past your knee and then pausing at your inner thigh, at what he felt there, “No. No I don’t think you’ll ask me to stop at all.”

The cocky bastard grinned once more against your stomach, before dipping his tongue inside your belly button.

“Bucky…” You couldn’t hide the whimper in your voice, nor the way your hips rocked forward in a plea. It was almost painful how much you needed him to touch you, needed to feel his lips and his tongue.

“Shhh, baby, I know.” His hands slipped up your waist, as soothing as his gentle coo against your belly button and then he brushed his lips lower and lower… and then finally, he pressed a soft butterfly kiss to your pubic bone.

A low groan tore from his throat, his hands digging into the soft flesh of your hips as he saw you, swollen and positively dripping for him, “Oh, darlin’, look at you…”

The sheer desire and awe in his low voice caused heat to flush along your cheekbones. You weren’t shy by any means, but the almost primal admiration in his voice was something you’d never heard before, the pure want and desire to make you feel good and worship you.

Bucky admired the sight before him for a single moment, before lifting his eyes to yours and then he dove in, immediately devouring you like he was starving. His deft tongue slipped through your slick folds with ease, and he moaned again at your taste, at your smell, everything.

He pressed his tongue flat against you before sucking at your clit, with such an intensity that you almost choked. It was a simple movement, but it shot electricity through your body and made every single nerve stand on end.

He let that coil of energy begin to build, and then he licked back down, his hands sliding down to palm at your ass cheeks before digging his fingers into your skin, pulling you in further so he could bury his nose against your clit and his tongue – fuck, his tongue pushed inside of you, hot and heavy. It just felt so, so good, his nose putting pressure on your bundle of nerves, his tongue pumping inside you.

Your hands flew down to his hair, winding through it to keep him there, keep him doing that, to keep him fucking you with his tongue, “Buck-”. You weren’t sure what you were begging him for, only that you just needed to say his name, needed to do something.

Your hips began to rock in time with his thrusts, and you became aware of it only when Bucky’s muffled moan reverberating through you.

He liked it, no... he loved this, that you were grinding against his face as his tongue worked inside you, tasting parts of you no one else had ever gotten right before.

“Fuck, Bucky, keep doing that – I’m-” You cut off with a high moan, your head tilting back as you rocked into him faster, chasing down that high that was so tantalisingly close. It hadn’t taken long, you were so worked up from your failed attempts that you were already there.

Bucky’s began to lick and suck you with new fervour, his head moving in time with the jerks of his hips, feeling the way your walls were tightening around his tongue. His fingers dug harder into your ass, and you felt the silent command almost, Come.

And you did.

You cried his name out to the sky, every nerve in your body winding to near painful tautness before you shattered on his face, your first orgasm ripping through you.

Bucky didn’t stop, working you through it and drawing it out further and further as he lapped up every single drop you gave him, moaning himself like it was the most tantalising thing he had ever tasted.

He stopped only when your grip released on his hair, the sensitivity of your nerves almost painful, your legs shaking like crazy and he lifted his hand from between your thighs, his lips and chin glistening. He rose from his knees, nudging you back onto the bed and instantly crawling up your body, “You have no idea how good you taste.”

You whimpered slightly, catching your breath as you watched him crawl up you, eyes burning like sapphire fire, his tongue licking slowly over his lips as he savoured you. Words were beyond you, desire still coursing through your veins and you were a little in awe at how quickly – and hard – he had brought you to your first orgasm.

Bucky grinned devilishly, “That won’t be your last.” He lowered his mouth back to yours and as you tasted yourself on him, you grew instantly wet for him again.

His body brushed into yours and you felt how painfully hard he was through his jeans, the sounds and taste of you getting to him of course.

Your fingers had barely brushed against his restrained length when he shook his head, nipping at your lower lip, “Oh no, baby, this is all about you.”

You ignored him, palming him through his jeans and he moaned lowly before his eyes flashed, his hand suddenly back on your throat and he moved his hips away so you couldn’t get to him. “I said no.” It was almost a snarl, “This is about you. Not me.” His hand tightened just slightly around your throat, making it that little bit harder to breathe and your eyes rolled back at how delicious it felt.

It was a huge kink for you, the idea of someone – of Bucky - taking control, being in control of your body even it was just for a little while. You didn’t need to think or do anything. Only feel and be at the mercy of his touch.

You relented, legs falling open for him and you tilted your head back, searching for his lips.

Bucky granted you the kiss, a slow, languid kiss at first that was all simmering passion and tangling tongues, the taste on you still lingering on his lips.

He palmed your breast again, tugging and squeezing the flesh until he scratched his nails lightly down your ribcage and belly.

Yes, yes-

He wasted no time, no more playing and his fingers slipped lower, circling over your clit with a delicious pressure that had you instantly moaning into his mouth.

He toyed with your clit a little more, before gathering your wetness and then sinking two fingers inside you, pushing all the way into his knuckles, then drawing back out slowly.

As he withdrew, you moaned long and slow into his mouth and he began a steady rhythm. Pushing and curling his fingers inside you a few steps, then circling and pulling at your clit, ever so subtly switching it up with each pass so you couldn’t predict what he would do.

It felt amazing, but… there was something still missing. It still wasn’t quite enough to send you over that final edge… it wasn’t what you’d been fantasising about.

No, it was his left hand. That dark, golden vibranium hand that was currently seated around your throat.

The knowledge of what it could do, the sheer power in it that could easily crush your windpipe or shatter your jaw with a single flick of his wrist.

That is what you needed.

Those cool, powerful fingers inside you, working you over – that was the best toy.

It was like he could read your mind somehow, or the way your body sung to his tune. He lifted his head, looking down at you with those searing blues and he cocked his head, a slow grin lighting his gorgeous face, “Oh… This-” he scissored his fingers inside you, stretching your walls and ever so slightly brushing up against that spot, “isn’t quite what you want, is it, darlin’?”

Holy Christ, he was going to destroy you before you even got what you wanted.

You looked up at him, panting, hips rocking to the slower thrust of his fingers and you shook your head.

Bucky swore softly, panting himself and he squeezed your throat once before lifting his fingers, “You want these, don’t you?”

Instead of answering him, you ducked your head, taking his three fingers into your mouth and immediately gliding your tongue around them, up and down in slow, dirty strokes.

The effect was instantaneous. Bucky’s hips jerked slightly against yours, his mouth parting as he watched you suck his vibranium fingers, hollowing your cheeks, eyes rolling back in your head like… like it was something else entirely.

He groaned, swore again and then almost ripped his fingers from your mouth and from between your legs at the same time.

Your entire body mourned the loss, feeling empty, clenching around nothing but mere seconds later, he plunged those three vibranium fingers inside of you, slick with your saliva and how unbelievably wet you were.

It stung a little, but only added to the feeling as your hips rose off the bed, “Shit, shit-”

They felt… like the best toy you could ever imagine. Smooth, cold, and hard enough that you could feel every faint ridge of the joints as he slid them in and out. You reached out, grabbing his arm with one hand and the bed with the other, needing something to hold onto as instinct took over. Your hips rode upwards, back arching as you rocked his fingers in deeper, feeling them in your spine almost. It was better than you could have imagined.

Bucky dropped his head to your chest, spreading his mouth over your breast and his other arm slid over your hips, pinning them to the bed so you were forced to take it. “You wanted this, baby… You take it.” He bit down on the soft flesh of your breast before smoothing his tongue over it again, working an alternative rhythm to his fingers and thumb again, so that your brain couldn’t keep up with which one to follow. It knew only the waves of fire singing through your veins.

Time may have very well dissolved, because you could only feel pleasure, tinged almost with pain.

The thick, hard stroking of fingers as they stretched and wrecked you.

The circling, hard-soft-hard pressure of his thumb on your clit.

The bite of his teeth on your breasts, neck and chest, followed by the wet press of his tongue.

The way he couldn’t help his hips slightly rocking against your leg.

This was almost like a fever dream, expect your brain couldn’t have come up with something this mind melting. Not even if you were really, really worked up.

The noises in the room were absolutely sinful. The unrestrained cries and moans from your lips, Bucky’s groans and his filthy words, the wet pump of his fingers inside you – it was obscene, filthy and completely, painfully mind-blowing.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, Bucky, please-” You had no idea what you were begging for, but every single nerve and muscle in your body was coiling tighter and tighter, your hips jerking against his arm as he pinned you down, forcing you to take this, to feel everything he was doing with no relenting. Tears were beginning to blur your eyes and the pleasure he unleashed upon you was almost painful.

Bucky somehow moved his fingers harder, deeper, the ability of the tech in his arm allowing him to do so, “Let go, baby, come on, let it go for me..” He dropped his head, biting down on your neck and he pressed his fingers against that spot inside you, flicking your clit with his thumb and then it all just snapped.

Waves and waves of hot fire flooded your body, dragging you up to the stars, further. It ripped the air from your lungs, made you half scream his name in a never-ending prayer.

It just didn’t stop.

Bucky kept moving inside you, drawing out every single second of your mind-shattering orgasm, letting go of your hips so you could grind them into his hand. “That’s it, baby… Look at you, so beautiful like that…” His praise spurred you on, making you feel almost like a goddess as you flooded his hand.

He stopped only when you slumped back onto the bed, sucking in deep breaths as you tried to piece yourself back together.

Better than toys indeed.

A little while later, you stirred from a light dose to see Bucky lounging on your couch again, cleaning the grooves and metal of his fingers with a soft cloth.

The sight of him concentrating, taking such care and detail with the clean-up, the cleanup from the mess you had made, had you instantly wet again. “Bucky.”

He looked up, hearing the low thrum to your voice and a smirk crossed his lips.

You had a favour to repay for his helping hand, after all.

#well #that happened #i am not sorry #bucky barnes #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x reader #arm kink

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stillebesat · 3 years

Text

Code: Blanket (part 2)

Sanders Sides: Logan, Remus, Virgil, Janus, Patton Fic Type: Hurt/Comfort Prompt: “If you don’t know where to go, you can always come here.” with Anxceit? (platonic is 100% good for me) Blurb: A friendship doesn’t stop just because one person decides to act like a dick. Especially when said dick is obviously in trouble. Overall Fic Warnings: Homophobia talk, Neglectful/Abusive Parents implication, Capitol Riot references, Injuries Taglist in Reblog

Part 1

“Your son is sneaking out.”

If the weight of his husband settling on top of him in the bed hadn’t been enough to fully wake Logan from sleep, the gleeful tone of Remus’s voice in his ear and the words he spoke were certainly enough to do so.

He tilted his head to the side, squinting up at his husband’s shadowy figure looming over him, ignoring how his heart had jumped into his throat, leaving an aching cavity in his chest. “If our son is sneaking out after dark, Sir Night Owl.” He said, working to sound calmer than he actually felt. “Then that’s obviously your influence at work and your problem.”

Remus gave a low chuckle, kissing his cheek. “Lion Kinging me, Messire Early Bird? Fair enough. I accept.” He shifted to roll off the bed, only to pause as Logan grabbed his hand.

“Virgil’s never snuck out before.” He whispered, flinching as he heard the front door close. Why would his son feel the need to do--sure teenagers were known to be rebellious, but he’d been clear that Virgil could talk to him about anything, anytime. To have him just suddenly leave without a word to them, without any indication that anything was wrong--

Remus squeezed his hand. “I heard him say ‘The offer still stands, D.’ as he walked by our door, sooo~ secret relationship?”

Logan pushed up onto one elbow, breath catching. “You heard him say Dee?” He demanded. “You’re certain?” He hadn’t known the two were still in communication. The end of their lifelong friendship last year had been...volatile. Virgil had been miserable for months afterwards.

“Yes?” His husband tilted his head. “You know them?”

Logan nodded, rolling over so he could grab his glasses from the night stand. “So do you. It’s Janus. Son of the Daemons.”

Remus stiffened, hissing like a broken teapot. “What offer could Virgiepoo possibly make to that horrible family of--”

“They were childhood friends.” Logan interrupted his husband before he went off on yet another long winded swearing spree about the Daemons. “Janus didn’t always approve of his parents...antics.”

Remus snorted, pulling Logan to his feet. “Antics? Those Ultra Christian Karens on Manbaby Cheeto Horse Steroids nearly cost both of us our jobs because they couldn’t stand the thought of their son knowing two gay men.”

Logan smirked, shrugging on a robe, placing his phone in the pocket just in case Virgil called. “And how did that turn out? With them facing the best lawyer in the country?”

Remus leaned in for a kiss. “Not good.” He breathed against his lips.

“Exactly.”

“Soo…” Still clad in only his boxers, Remus entwined his fingers in Logan’s, pulling him out of their bedroom towards the front door. “Son of our Enemy. Virgil sneaking out in the middle of the night to see him. What exactly is this offer that he’s offering to the Villains who aimed to destroy our happily ever after?”

An offer that Logan had believed had been firmly taken off the table over a year ago. “Simply put. Sanctuary.”

Which begged the question. What had happened in the Daemon household to convince Virgil to offer their home, after everything the two families had gone through, to their son once more?

“Sanctuary.” Remus repeated like it was a foreign word. “To one of their spawn? Are you serious?”

Knowing how much of a giving and forgiving heart his son had? Logan pulled open the front door, unsurprised to see the two teens standing frozen on the porch.

He had good timing like that.

“Boys.” Logan greeted, attention drawn immediately to Janus as he tried to hide behind his son only to be stopped by Virgil’s tight grip on his arm.

Janus swallowed, a tremor visibly going through him as met Logan’s eyes. “Mr. L.” He whispered, the porchlight throwing his face, and therefore, the stark purple bruise and cuts by his eye into sharp relief.

Sanctuary. He could now totally understand why Virgil had chosen to reach out.

The crumpled state of the boy’s clothes, the mask -an unusual accessory for the known anti-masker, anti-vaxxer family- the greasy hair, all of the obvious signs of neglect, Logan mentally catalogued as he immediately reached out, drawing the boy closer to him. “Janus.” He breathed, hating how the boy flinched at his movement, how he trembled under his touch even as he leaned into Logan’s hand as he cupped the boy’s uninjured cheek. “What happened?”

“Well, I hope what’s happening is that we’re kidnapping the demon spawn for ranso--” Remus cut off, inhaling sharply as he too caught sight of the facial disfigurement. “Lo, lemme see that.” He demanded, gently pushing him to the side so he could take the boy’s chin into his hands, tilting his head this way and that in the porch light.

Virgil relaxed, even as Janus visibly tensed, trembling under Remus’s scrutiny.

For good reason. The young Daemon had to feel like he was stepping into the Lion’s den by coming here.

“It’s okay, Dee. Remus is a surgeon. The best. You’re in safe hands.” Virgil said softly, keeping a firm grip on his friend’s arm as the boy shifted his feet like he was debating about turning tail and running.

Something he’d never thought Janus would do. The boy took after his parents in being willing to face confrontation head on, no matter the odds.

Something definitely was wrong here.

“What happened?” Logan repeated, unable to hide the concern in his voice.

Janus’s eyes flickered between him and Remus, breath hitching as he opened his mouth. “I--I--”

Remus growled, eyes flashing as he turned to Logan, gesturing wildly with his free hand. “What happened?! He’s lucky the wound isn’t infected, Lo! It’s obvious it’s been untreated. Obvious that he’s been neglected, mistreated, abused!”

Janus flinched at every word. “Yes.” The word ghosted over his lips, barely heard.

Virgil shook his head, eyes burning with quiet fury. “It’s worse.” He slipped his phone out of his pocket, tapping on the screen and flipping it so Logan could see the tweet there. “His parents locked him in their unfinished attic for FOUR months, Dad. And then they left him to go harring off to D.C. to storm the Capitol!”

They…WHAT?!

Logan saw red as Remus swore, his husband pulling Janus into a tight hug, the boy letting out a startled squeak at the action. “I changed my mind, Lo. We’re not kidnapping him, we’re adopting. Surprise, my little rebel. You’re mine now.”

Janus’s eyes went wide, shimmering with unshed tears as he stood stiffly in Remus’s grip, fingers twitching. “Y-yours?” He whispered, in such a small voice that had Logan wrapping an arm around the boy’s shoulders as well. “I--I--but I’m---I’m--”

There’d been a time he’d considered Janus almost like a second son with how often he and Virgil had hung out at their house as kids. Logan wasn’t at all opposed to rediscovering that sentimeint.

“It doesn’t matter.” He whispered in the boy’s ear. “You have a home here, Janus, for as long as you need one.”

The boy shuddered in their hold, breath hitching as he bowed his head, not quite resting it against Remus’s bare chest. “I--I tried to---I couldn’t get out! I tried everything to bre--to break free and then they just….left me. Their SON. They--” He broke off as Remus pulled him closer, a soft sob escaping as his husband carded his fingers through the boy’s hair.

“It’s okay, Janny-boy.” Remus whispered. “You did what you could with what you had.”

Janus shook his head. “I--i should have---sooner. I couldn’t--I didn’t think they’d actually!! My own parents.”

Virgil pressed in on the group hug, gently freeing the face mask from the boy’s ear. “Dee. You couldn’t have known.”

“I SHOULD have though!” He growled, twisting his head to stare at Virgil, cheeks streaked with tears. “We’ve been friends for years, Annie! I KNOW you and Mr. L. and...and…but when things,” His eyes flickered to Remus and back. “Changed. The pandemic and everything---I didn’t...I sided with them and thought they had to be RIGHT this time, but then things...stuff happened and THEY LOCKED ME UP and treated me like I was A NUT CASE when I--I--” His voice dropped to a near whisper. “They wouldn’t listen to me.”

Logan exhaled, squeezing the boy’s shoulder as he met his husband’s furious eyes. “I’m sorry, Janus.” He said, keeping his tone soft. “Your parents have had their...good...qualities at times,”

Remus snorted, but kept silent as Logan shot him another look.

“And I know...they’ve only tried to protect you from their perceived evils in the world, but Janus.” He shifted his position so he could cradle the boy’s injured cheek. “What they did to you was wrong. So very wrong.” And bound to be worse when the whole story was told. “It’s monstrous that they chose to treat their own flesh and blood in such an abhorrent and inhumane manner just because you disagreed with them and I will not stand for it. You deserve better and you will be treated much better here than you have been there. I promise you that.”

Janus abruptly twisted in Remus’s arms to cling to Logan, resting his head against Logan’s chest, fingers digging into the folds of his robe, his thin body shaking with sobs. “Don’t make me go back.” He whispered.

Logan shook his head, pressing a firm kiss against the boy’s greasy hair. “Never.”

“I won’t let him.” Remus added, a growl in his voice. “I’ve adopted you, Jan. My word is law. No take backsies.”

Janus looked between the three of them, before focusing on Remus, licking his lips. “But. You...don’t know me--”

“You don’t know me either, kiddo. But no worries. We’ll fix all that.” His husband winked as he gathered both Virgil and Janus under each arm, letting Logan take a careful step back. “But FIRST.” He pointed a finger at the boy’s eye. “I’m getting you clean and stitched up while Logie here makes a little call to his Work Wife to figure things out. With luck, and I am rather lucky, there’ll barely be a scar when I’m done.”

Janus stiffened, glancing over his shoulder to Logan. “Work Wife?!”

Virgil chuckled, twisting Janus’s mask in his fingers. “Not an actual wife, Dee. Dad has a fellow lawyer friend.”

“Rival.” Logan corrected.

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Rival that he constantly works with, so Rem calls him his work wife since he’s usually either with him or us.”

That wasn’t exactly true. He did go to other places and work with other people that weren’t Patton or his family. It just so happened that Patton ended up involved in a lot of the same sort of cases as him and so collaboration made more sense than going it alone.

Logan pulled out his phone, scrolling through his contacts. “Needless to say. I’ll take care of it, Janus. You can trust me on that.” He smiled to the teen before turning his attention to his son. “Virgil, send me a copy of that tweet as soon as you can. And Remus,” He grimaced as his husband paused, raising an eyebrow. He could see him practically vibrating with the need to stitch the kid up now. “I know you want to treat Janus ASAP, but I need photographic evidence of every single injury and sign of neglect before you do anything.” An unfortunate delay, but he needed the evidence recorded before it vanished. He hit call, placing his phone by his ear. “As soon as you’re done--”

“It’s straight to the shower, JanJan. Or a long hot bubble bath. Either way.” Remus said, ushering the teens towards the door. “We need you to get squeaky clean while Lo here does his thing, and then I can treat those wounds of yours without them getting infected. Okay?”

“I--I---uh...Okay?” Janus asked, sounding half strangled as they vanished inside.

The phone clicked. “Hello?” A sleepy voice asked over the line.

Hopefully Virgil could smooth over any further confusion for Janus until Logan could come back and reign Remus back from going full Mama Bear on the boy. “Hello, Patton.” He said, leaning against the wall, listening as the crickets began chirping again. “It’s Logan.”

“Lo?” He could hear his fellow lawyer and work rival stifling a yawn. “Wassup?”

“My apologies for calling so late, but I need your help with a case. Right now. If you’re able.”

The silence on the other hand wasn’t at all encouraging. But then again. It was late.

“...My help? With a case? Now?”

“Yes.” He’d already said that. Hopefully Patton’s brain would kick into a higher gear sooner rather than later or else this conversation would be lasting ten times longer than necessary. “You remember the Daemons?”

“Mmm….yah? Your fight with them had you fired up for ages with all their nonsense.”

“Exactly.” Logan exhaled. “Their son, Janus, just showed up at my house in an obvious state of neglect. Injured. Possibly abused. More than implied that it was his parents who put him in his current state. And I am, unfortunately, too visibly involved with the Daemons in a negative light to be considered an adequate impartial representative for him, especially if I house him in my home for the duration.”

Patton made a noise of surprise. “House him?”

“Virgil was--is a friend of his and he offered him sanctuary here when he discovered that Janus was in trouble. I’m not refusing him a safe place.”

“Safe? You just said--”

Logan closed his eyes, resting his head against the side of his house. “I know. I’m not on good terms with his parents.” They could go rot in a tar pit for all he cared about them. “But I’ve known the boy since he was six, Patton. He’s been to my house multiple times before. Been friends with my son. I won’t hold a grudge against the child for the actions of his parents.”

“Ha. I doubt his parents would appr--”

“His so-called parents Locked. Him. In. Their. Attic. For. FOUR. Months.” Logan interrupted, unable to hide the fury in his voice.

Patton sharply inhaled. “They WHAT?”

Exactly. It was good to hear his work rival taking the same tone. Patton had a soft spot for kids. “They locked him up and then abandoned him, Pat. I don’t know the exact circumstances just yet on why they felt that this was justifiable behavior, but no child should be treated like a prisoner by their family and no so-called parent’s opinion on where or who their son stays with should hold any weight if they’ve failed to provide decent care for their child in the first place!” Logan took a breath, forcing himself to relax his fingers on his phone before he cracked the screen. “Regardless, if the boy wishes to go elsewhere I won’t fight it. But he needed a safe place to go to and he chose to come here. That has to mean something considering the history between our two families.”

“It--I’d have to look into it.” Patton whispered. “This isn’t--the circumstances--”

“Are abnormal. I understand.” Logan nodded, staring off into the night. “Will you come?”

Patton huffed a laugh. “It’s not every day--ah night--you say you need me, Lo.”

That was true. They were more often rivals in the courtroom than collaborators these days. But still, he wouldn’t want any other lawyer to represent the boy if he couldn’t do it himself. “I need you, Pat.”

The sound of keys jangled in his ear. “Be right there.” Patton promised as the line went dead.

#Code: Blanket #stillbesat #Sanders Sides #Logan Sanders #Remus Sanders #Virgil Sanders #Janus Sanders #Patton Sanders #Neglectful/Abusive Parents implication tw #Capitol Riot references tw #Injuries tw #Homophobia talk tw

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alluringjae · 3 years

Text

until dawn; pt. II - ljn

part I | part II

⤑ summary: basic number one rule of the museum is not to touch the art. but no one told jeno that falling for one of them isn’t allowed either.

⤑ pairing: jeno x female reader

⤑ word count: 12.2k

⤑ genre: ANGST, fluff, romance, smut (f receiving, dom!jeno waow, dirty talk, wrap it everyone) | broke architecture major!jeno, historical figure!reader, enemies to lovers!au, college!au, night at the museum-inspired!au

⤑ warnings: references to actual historical figures, explicit language, graphic details, major heartbreak caused by another party, expect time jumps too

⤑ author’s note: happy jeno day!! i’ve been so excited to post this part, and i’m happy we’re here!! perhaps, this is the last long fic i’ll write for a while so i can rest, but i’ll still be posting short stories within the weeks to come! i’m excited for may to say the least hehe

btw, for the smut scene (indicated with **), i highly recommend you listen to strange (feat. hillary smith) by kris bowers!! this song is from the bridgerton soundtrack, and oh man, the feels!!

with that, enjoy!

italicized text either means they are personal notes or flashbacks.

this was meant to be more angsty, but either way, i screamed every time i wrote something gut-wrenching.

⤑ taglist: @renjunniehome

⤑ ctto above!!

⤑ leave me some feedback, constructive criticism, or hellos!

“You ready to get your butt beaten by me, Lee?”

“Prepare your final words when I win instead, (Y/L/N).”

Mischievous banter exchanged between you two became a new norm. Almost every night, someone within the art pieces established a contest over anything and it released the competitive sides of you two. So far, Jeno has been winning. Not like it hurt your pride, but maybe just once, you could conquer one game to feel better. Not only that, there’s a mini penalty for the loser. So far, you’ve cleaned up the lobby yourself and acted cutely to everyone the entire evening (or aegyo as Jeno called it).

Tonight, a game of archery was held by the Greek gods. They pushed away any extra pieces away, leaving the whole room vacant with two boards right beside Zeus’ throne. Numerous arrows were produced and sharpened, Zeus in the center announced to everyone participating.

“It’ll be 1 on 1 games. First to go are Jeno vs (Y/N), followed by Athena vs. Hermes, Cleopatra vs. Freddie, and last would be Hades vs Aphrodite.”

Cutting the chase, you didn’t expect Jeno to be that good at archery. Sure, he told you that he took classes with his friends for fun when he was younger, though it showed that he’s a fast learner and even hit one bullseye in the middle of the game.

Not slightly threatened until the last rounds, you fixed your aim and lessened your overthinking when preparing to shoot. Thus, you scored 2 bullseyes shot. It was a close fight, having the audience on the edge on their feet again because it’s the two of you. Your dynamic with the night guard always elevated the mood, shifting their bets over and over again.

By 1 point, you received your first victory against Jeno. Unlike you, he showcased his sportsmanship sweetly without any comments of disbelief. He’s never bragged about anything big in his life, not unless it’s a high grade for his plate. Normally, he celebrated wins in a laid-back manner. But don’t be fooled: he loves giving penalties.

“This is why I don’t make bets with my friends because I really go for their weak spots.”

“You’re cynical, Lee Jeno.”

“Only if you’re close to me, (Y/N) (Y/L/N).”

“Aren’t we already past that stage?”

Almost halfway through his job, he sustained a meaningful friendship with you. Out of everyone, you were his default person to hang out within the nights he had a shift. If he wasn’t present, he made sure to give you small treats or gifts as much as possible. An innocent friendship, it was that the world would’ve never believed in.

Or was it?

“To celebrate your win, what do you want me to do?”

“You’re too kind for me to play around with, even if you’re the complete opposite of me.”

“I’ll make it simple and worthwhile since I don’t know when I’ll win a game again.” As your finger tapped your temple as you pondered deeply, a smart idea came through. “Grant me 3 wishes.”

He chuckled, lowering himself to view you better. “Am I like some genie now to you?”

“No room to complain, I won, didn’t I?” You grinned, raising one brow to show your dominance.

“You’re petty in your own way, aren’t you?”

“Perhaps. Now come on, I want to use my first wish.” You shrugged it off like no big deal, loving the high feeling of triumph. You lead him to the center of the lobby, where a beautiful grand piano only selected people get to play during exhibits. “Open the museum piano.”

Ever since you were brought to life, you never used it. Tempting but because people from the outside might here, maybe it’s time to try something new. A new challenge, and besides, you missed entertaining people through it. The last time you touched the delicate piano keys was to your family before you ran away.

It’s a good thing that in the shackle of keys Jeno held, the needed key was there. Unlocking the lustrous black instrument, you sat by the matching black bench. Crackling your fingers, you tested by pressing a few keys to get the hang of it again.

“What are you planning to play, (Y/N)?” Jeno leaned against the side, his arms crossed.

Humming the first notes of your piece, the nostalgia ran through your veins. “Nocturne No. 2 in E flat by Chopin.”

Your fingers took off and played each chord slowly and calmly. This piece reminded you the most of your mother, who sat by the couch in front of your old piano with your father while guests from the party they hosted crowded around you. Being the youngest, they often requested you to perform as entertainment so you always put your best foot forward. Or so you tried.

Nevertheless, no one else in your family was capable to play this piece as perfectly as you. By the way your eyes closed and your body swayed to the mellow tune, Jeno observed how you memorized this piece by heart. A passionate flame you were, outshining every pianist out there.

He wasn’t surprised at how multi-talented you were, though there’s a different kind of aura you present when you played the instrument. From your hard and tough front, you could be soft and sweet to the right people.

In a way, you showed your comfort toward the boy by serenading him with the piano. Sketching him with him in the past was one thing, but this was another. You’d sketch with people you’ve grown used to, but you play piano to people you want to cherish in your life. As dangerous as it seems, Jeno was someone special to you, only wanting to have good moments with him.

Junmyeon will always have a huge part in your museum life, but Jeno filled the emptiness that he left behind. This loneliness for a human friend vanquished thanks to Jeno, and you didn’t want to jeopardize it at all. Sure, whenever he acted like a gentleman around you, let you inside the Foreign Art Room, or brought you food sometimes, you couldn’t help feel honored.

Though lately, every time he showed off his strength when he defeated Zeus and Hades during an arm wrestle game the god held again. You seriously had to catch a breath at every flex his arms made, like the goddesses. Maybe how he pushed his black hair back when he’s drawing another plate, you’d give yourself a few extra seconds to see his long fingers skim through them. He’d bit his lower lip when he’s in too deep with his creativity, wondering if he’d bite the lower lip of the girl he’d ki-

All right, (Y/N), relax. Maybe you’re thinking this way because it’s been decades since your last relationship. You wouldn’t want to fall for another possible trap and hurt yourself again, right?

Ever since this job, Jeno’s university life drastically changed. Yes, he still hung out with his friends and performed extremely well in his classes, though he prioritized anything related to the museum wherever he was. If they were drinking out, he’d buy an extra bottle of soju for you on his way back to the dorm. Rarely does he get shitfaced anyways.

If he and Renjun visited the bookstore to purchase pens or any art-related materials, he always bought either an extra sketchpad or set of pens. Even if you were simply a figure to everyone else, he appreciated the bond you both developed.

Every night, he’d tell you about his day from the start. Normally, it consisted of a lot of schoolwork and coffee, some stories about his roommates too. Speaking of them, he’d insert a lot of humorous words about his entire group of friends, whom you learned their names too.

Mark, Jaemin, Renjun, Jisung, Chenle, and Donghyuck, each of them presented a different color in their group. Jeno, who’d admitted to being shy and quiet, grew out of his shell because of them. A friend of Jeno’s would automatically be a friend of yours, if only you were allowed to leave the museum or become a human.

Jeno learned more about your past explorations that never got documented because you no longer had an interest in jotting them down. They were adventures you’d kept to yourself, memories only close to you then would know. Except now, Jeno was another addition. You’re not the type to instantly open to people, though again, a sense of relief surrounded him every time you encounter each other. It grew gradually like a warm hug, softening your heart and breaking your walls.

The more he spent time with you, nothing feared Jeno the slightest. He’s always maintained himself intact, avoiding lines to be crossed and giving respect to those who deserve it. However, he began to question himself where exactly his feelings lie with you after Jaemin tried to set him up on a blind double date just so the best friend of his date wouldn’t feel left out.

He’s rarely one to get crushes on people, even when other girls in his college openly showed their affection towards him. Valentine’s Day or his birthday, several girls sent him chocolate or flowers. Jaemin and Renjun got sick of girls reaching out to them first so they could reach him. It’s not because he’s not the dating type, but because he’s so goal-oriented that unlike his roommates, he doesn’t have a slight clue about dating.

Though one-night stands while at a party and dating were completely different, he’d still say he had experience with girls. Plus having an older sister, he never took advantage of them. He’d rather tell them in person that the feelings weren’t mutual than ghosting them. He’s not like Jaemin anyways.

With that, he’s so lost when his heart beats twice as fast the second you’ve woken up from your posing slumber. He doesn’t comprehend how flustered he’d be when you highly insist to help him with his plate or how cute he finds it when you’re playing fetch with Mochi. On top of it, when you chose to sketch each other for one of your sketching sessions, he’d take a longer stare at your visage before he drew some strokes.

A lot of historical accounts mentioned how your beauty was the standard of the Victorian era, wherein you were the jewel of your neighborhood and numerous men wanted your hand. Women envied you, especially having high intelligence skills that were equivalent to a man. That time, that felt like a threat to most men. Though surprisingly, it turns out there were men who liked intelligent girls.

Jeno knew he liked you as a friend, though liking you past that he didn’t intend. Nor was it allowed because it’ll break one of the golden rules. Before he’d go beyond contemplating, he had to stop himself. This was so unlike him. The feelings will fleet away, he’d repeat to himself. Don’t waste a great friendship because of your silly emotions.

Individually, both of you swallowed these harboring feelings down your guts and simply kept your friendship status safe. Doing your typical activities or whatever else you could think of, none of you minded to change it whatsoever.

Unknown to you though, it was obvious to the other art pieces ones that you two practically passed off as young lovers. Although they know that pushing one towards the other went against the rules, Aphrodite begged to differ.

“Holding them back from expressing what they really feel just because of the law here is a tragedy. They should at least try, you know?”

On another typical night, Jeno invited you to the Theater Room for a movie marathon. After finding out that you’ve never seen any moving pictures, he wanted to be there to introduce it. Luck was on his side to not have plates or requirements due for the week and everyone was behaving themselves, so he started with rolling out short films from the 88mm projector. Having premade popcorn and drinks, the two of you shared roars of laughter and emotional tears.

Switching to the cd player for longer and clearer films, you’d opt to believe that you were born at the wrong time. With all these advancements, it came with a lot of new beliefs. One of them was allowing women to study and work. Then again, she was a pioneer according to historians. Without her, it wouldn’t help shape society as it is today.

Nonetheless, this movie Jeno played on the big screen was what he defined as “one of the classics”, 10 Things I Hate About You.

This outspoken character named Kat was presenting a poem to her class, trying to hold in her raw emotions towards Patrick, the boy who broke her heart. Too engaged, you didn’t notice how Jeno stretched his arms out so he could wrap one around your shoulder. Not that you were complaining, his warmth reassuring you safety.

“I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie.” The way she attempted to keep her strong ground only reminded you of where you were weeks ago, especially once she excruciatingly broke down.

“I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.” Only when you leaned back to the chair, you felt his arm. His thumb caressing your covered shoulder, you peeked him a little bit. His eyes fixated on the screen, absorbed in the acting and how Kat’s tears weren’t scripted as she stormed out of the classroom.

Not that you were her, but it sparked the past memory of how you merely disliked him because of his job. But as a person, not even close, not even once did you hate him. How blessed that he never judged you for it, staying patient all this time.

Right before he could look back at you, you moved your face back to resume your watching. Jeno definitely noticed what you did, though not sure as to why. Whatever it was, it wasn’t harmful.

Once the film ended, Jeno checked his watch for the time. 4 am, he wanted to do something else now instead of film viewing. You were on par with it, wanting to walk it out after being seated for hours. As you both cleaned up and bid the posters outside goodbye, the doors to the museum were locked unexpectedly. Impossible on Jeno’s half because he had the keys for every room, but he double-checked his bunch.

Alas, the keys for these doors specifically were missing. But there was no other way anyone could’ve gotten it, plus it’s not like the last person he talked to, which was Aphrodite, would need it.

Or did she?

Rather than putting any blame on each other, your only wish now was to return to your section before sunrise. You and he could just relax momentarily before yelling for help.

“Maybe we should watch another film first?”

“Alright, you choose while I return the rest.”

As Jeno inserted the cd of Cinema Paradiso inside, the background music of the opening played. He hummed the first notes, already feeling the love from this film. Another must-see classic as recommended by Renjun, he wanted to rewatch it with you.

Slowly returning each cd and film roll to their respective drawers, the melodious theme had you waltzing in the small space. Even beyond your life, classical music never gets old. Aging like fine wine, sounding spectacular as time passes because of people’s creativity.

Jeno gazed over your sudden movements, smiling uncontrollably at how immersed you were as you multi-tasked. However, you took a wrong turn by the desk and almost dropped a priceless film roll. But before you fully slipped and fell, a pair of strong arms caught you at the right time. Panting from the nerves, mostly when he was inches from your face. Never has he pressed his body this close to you to protect you, and never have you seen his captivating eyes this up close.

As enchanting as the background music of Ennio Morricone was, it only became noise once Jeno took ahold of the film roll on your hand and placing down on the desk. Taking another step closer, you were backed up by the edge. Not to mention how his height dignified his impact on you, your arms were still situated by your side with nowhere else to go.

That was until his finger elevated your chin so he could meet you on eye-to-eye level. His other hand gripping your waist, you became brave enough to place your hands by his broad shoulders. Licking your lips, you glanced at his lips quickly. But he noticed it, and as risky as this was, it was a leap of faith to take.

“May I kiss you?”

Always such a gentleman, even when he already knew how much you desired him through your returning affections. Calming your breath patterns by the speed of everything occurring, you came back to your senses. He’s the one who constantly told you not to forget your roots, so you were going to take this one.

You trust him, and he does too.

“Yes.”

Since the first film, some kind of tension increased the closer he moved or intimate his actions were towards you. You kept pushing it back in hopes not to ruin what you both have. But it only turned out to be mutual, especially how none of you held back as soon as his lips passionately clashed yours.

Tangling your arms around his neck, you stood on your tiptoes to press even closer to him. Feeling his lively heart pumping against your hollow chest, you bit his lower lip. Something you’ve secretly craved to do, he growled from the pleasure. He hoisted your waist to the desk, his impatient hands earnestly traveling all over your body. While your legs locked around his torso, your feisty nature leaned back so your entire body lied on the small desk.

Jeno was on top, placing one hand down to hold himself while the other squeezed your waist firmly. Even if you’re made of wax, you’re like an actual living woman at night. Everything about you becomes real until dawn. You emitted vulgar moans, giving him more access to your neck. Peppering a mix of soft to hard kisses, your hand teasingly snaked under his shirt. He really wasn’t joking when he bragged that he was quite ripped since he enjoyed sports and going to the gym, cupping a part of his toned abdomen.

“If you want something, all you have to do is ask.” He sluggishly sucked the area between your ear and neck, one of your weakest spots. “What’s on your mind, baby?”

The growing moistness in between your legs left a stain in your panties, trying to close your legs out of embarrassment. It’s been decades since you’ve been stimulated like this. However, Jeno beat you to it as he trailed the hand that was on your waist and lowering it right above your covered sex. He cupped it agonizingly slow, making you folding your leg from the pleasure. For a man who doesn’t date around, he knew exactly what he’s doing.

“I just kissed you, and you’re already this soaked. Can you handle me, baby?”

As the strong woman that you present yourself to be, it would selfishly take the right touch from the right man to weaken you. With his savage lips back on yours while your hands clutched on his shirt, he was simply waiting for a verbal answer, yet driving you completely mad. Everything was happening so fast, and here he was to please you in anywhere you seem fit.

You were deprived, and oh, you needed it more than ever.

However, seconds before you replied, there was loud rumbling from the main doors which stopped your devilish antics. As Jeno moved back from you to see the ruckus, you lifted yourself back up, pulling back your dress sleeves and flattening out the creases. The last thing you wanted was a trail of familiar red marks from the aggressive male, finding any reflective surfaces to check.

“I wouldn’t be that dumb to leave you hickies now, would I?” Jeno ended your worries as he placed his hands by your side again. His face leaned towards yours again, reliving the warmth in your cheeks. His lips were plumper, catching traces of your coral lipstick smudged there down to his jaw. He slotted himself again between your legs, grazing a hand on your waist and the other to your warm cheek. “The door’s unlocked now, and it’s 5 am. Do you want to clean up now?”

You playfully scoffed, aware that neither of you had plans to do that yet. Such a player while in the heat of the moment.

“Spare me 15 more minutes with you first.”

Hiding the romance you’ve both built failed without trying. Aphrodite spotted all the signs from your open physical affection and words of admiration, calling you two out in front of everyone without shame. She is the goddess of love, after all. You couldn’t fool her even if you tried.

Plus, she’s the one who locked the two of you up in the Theater Room that night. But neither of you know that.

“Sketch my ideal home?” Jeno bent down to the table, testing out his newly bought pens so they wouldn’t spill.

“Isn’t that why you decided to pursue Architecture in the first place? Come on now!” You pestered across him, opening your new sketchpad since your last one ran out of pages. As expected, Jeno bought you one when he went to the bookstore. As much as you insisted not to because he should use the money somewhere else, he did it anyway. He loved your works, encouraging you in any way he could.

When he was reminded of his humble beginnings of his passion for architecture by you, never had he envisioned exactly how his perfect home would be like. Settling down was so far beyond his mind, only focusing to graduate university then study for the licensure exams. However, he did miss drawing something for fun, not as a requirement. He also was the one who took charge of designing his dorm.

“Fine, only if you draw what your ideal home would’ve been if you never left London.”

Now as lovers, the only addition to your relationship were the public and private exchanges of affection. Deep conversations, film viewing, back and forth banter, you’re both still the same competitive duo everyone expected to be together. In public, the two of you held hands, hugged, kissed each other cheeks too when it felt right. Cleopatra’s face of fake nausea was priceless every time, while Princess Diana, Anne, and Katherine enjoyed it. It’s been years since they’ve seen this glow of adoration in you. Bit by bit, you’re going back to the old you. Except now, you’re a lot stronger.

Perhaps, this version of you proved wrong for the need for romance. Even if you made the choice not to settle down then, it would’ve been different if Jeno was in your universe then.

“Are you done there?” Jeno asked while you were finishing up your masterpiece. Life in London sounded fun when you were younger, having all these ideas on interior design and the like. An innocent time.

Instead of replying, you strode to his side and compared your pieces together. He pictured a two-story home, with a backyard and rooftop area. He definitely wanted to stay in the city as his whole life was based there. Although you preferred living in the countryside more for more freedom, you gave it a shot by pinpointing every detail of a wealthy typical Victorian-era home you liked. You desired a spacious lobby with a grand staircase in the middle, a crystal chandelier there too. The living room would have a small library and a grand piano, where wide doors leading to the grasslands were beside it.

Considering you two lived from different times, in a way your ideal homes were similar. Somewhere private, surrounded by nature and minimal furniture, you’re curious as to how it would look if the two of you fused them together. A mix of old and new, will it look pretty?

“What will look pretty?” Jeno questioned your random thought, looking back and forth at your sketches. “You know who’s pretty though?”

“If you say what I think you’re going to say, I’m lea-”

“You.”

Jeno has gotten flirtier since that night, always finding the right opportunity to flatter you. Although you denied them out of embarrassment, the butterflies in your stomach can’t lie to you.

You’re so smitten, and so was he.

Jeno’s always one to follow the rules, but so far, he’s been breaking some of them already.

Just last night, he gave Renjun access to the lively museum because he needed more research regarding you. Initially, he practically interviewed Jeno for every piece of information he gathered because he used to be so deep in the books to study everything about you. Now in the past, Renjun still couldn’t forget how Jeno drunkenly admitted how crazy he was going to be over you and your coldness whilst sobering up in the dorm.

He didn’t understand one bit by that, especially when you’re technically dead. But by the sight of the first piece Renjun saw alive, which was Zeus, he almost passed out. Piece by piece, he viewed these artworks come to life from his fresh eyes. Right before he could’ve screamed when Athena shot a lightbulb in their exhibit, you happily called out Jeno’s name.

Renjun froze on the spot upon seeing your wax figure come to life. He’s browsed through this museum numerously due to the new exhibits, but lately, he checked your section out to find any tiny details that were linked to your life. Aside from the sketchpad, compass, and hairpins, he wanted to know if there was more to your life as an explorer.

As human interactions except the night guard weren’t allowed, Renjun needed help for his project in Women Studies. Just like Jeno’s assignment, you aided him. Fruitfully answering every question he gave you, Athena popped out of nowhere to inspect Jeno.

“I see you’re breaking another rule.”

“I’m sorry, Athena. He was desperate, and it would be selfish of me to let him fail.”

“This is the last one I’ll let slide, alright?” Athena huffed, not impressed by the reckless behavior Jeno acquired over time. She saw this coming, but for a change, she couldn’t punish him. He was a young adult, still learning more about life. Only will she step in if things turn for the worst. “I can’t believe I’ve gained a soft spot for you.”

Jeno laughed, hugging the figure like his older sister. “You love me though!”

Glad to say, Renjun aced his project and kept his word of not telling anyone about the happenings in Jeno’s job. Jeno even made a makeshift non-disclosure contract so Renjun wouldn’t spill the slightest details.

Lately, so much has been happening in the museum that having alone time with each other was rare. And when you did, the two of you made sure to maximize it and make every intimate moment count. From each touch, each longing kiss, each moan, and groan, never were you left hanging whether you’re at the Theater Room, Jeno’s office, or the Foreign Art Room.

The only time the two of you went beyond the boundaries was at the indoor garden. Jeno managed to get the key to it, lighting up some candles before you invited you inside. Thanks to the magic of the Greek gods, the cameras were bewitched to display fake imageries when security checks in the morning after.

Upon your deep conversations, you’ve mentioned once or twice about the indoor garden. It was the latest addition of the museum, opening in the early 2000s. Because it was a sacred place, no art piece was ever allowed inside.

Yet again, Jeno challenged the rules again when he invited you inside. A few minutes before, he set up some lights along the hallway of the garden, where he placed a blanket, a picnic basket, and his laptop right at the end of it. The best place to view everything, he just knew you’d love it.

He was undoubtedly right once you gasped at such a pretty sight. Seeing the silhouettes of various flowers and plants together with the night sky with all the stars sparkling, it was like you’re attending another ball with your sisters, who were looking for suitors then.

Once Jeno leisurely led you until the end, he brought out all the delicacies from the basket. One of them was this Italian savory dish of dough with toppings such as cheese and pepperoni, or pizza as they named it. The next ones were fresh strawberries and melted chocolate, followed by grape juice.

“I’d drink actual alcohol with you again, only if I didn’t get shitfaced and do my job properly.”

“Point taken. Besides, this is close enough. So pour me a drink please.”

Perhaps this was the closest to a date Jeno could ever ask you out to. With the restrictions and being constrained with time, he brainstormed all sorts of ways to bring the outside world to you. From simply letting you wander around this fascinating room, he unleashed the inner romantic in him. None of his friends would’ve thought since they never asked him about it, so he kept it to himself only. Finally, he’s satisfied with what he prepared. After eating, the two of you would watch more films before the sun rose again.

You’re just the right person for him at the moment he can act that way.

After your quiet stroll and sitting back down, Jeno surprisingly handed you a tiny box.

“A gift?”

“Open it.” He sipped on his juice, paying attention to your actions. Gently untying the box, the amazement in your eyes couldn’t fathom such a lovely present. No words were required to verify that Jeno outdid himself again, just your facial expression alone is enough.

When Jeno said that he pays attention to the tiny details, he doesn’t bluff. Throughout your growing relationship, you’ve cited how you wanted another special flower in your life. Just because you couldn’t view lavender roses the same way ever again, it didn’t mean you wanted to kick them out of your life. Flowers were one of nature’s beautiful creations, so you’re wishing to find the love you once had for lavender roses in other ones.

Thus, you came across what you thought held the highest form of meaning: red roses. Despite its thorns, it’s still a marvelous flower. Innocently, you told him that just because of the memory of your father giving them to your mother on her birthday yearly.

Red roses represented true love and romance, a discreet message only those eager would know.

Jeno was one of them, which was why he reserved this gift for this very moment. It was a necklace he found through a college fair recently, a subtle red rose pendant in the center. Since he couldn’t give you huge gifts, he settled for something light. Something none of the guards or the director wouldn’t pinpoint out when they do their inspections.

“Do you like it?”

Not one utter from your mouth since you’re so hypnotized, your lips quirked up in a charming smile. “Is that even a question? This is astonishing, Jeno.”

After you attempted to put it around your neck, Jeno sighed and stepped in to help you out. “Turn around, (Y/N). Let me.”

The tension gradually heightened once you held your hair up so Jeno accessibly viewed your clean neck. Clasping the lock, it took all his might to hold himself back from you. Even from behind, your silhouette was attractive to him. The lights he set up weren’t helping the slightest of what he’s thinking to do with you.

“Done.” He breathily whispered in your ear.

If he thought he was the only one feeling something powerful, he’d be more than wrong. The lingering sensation of his slim fingers gracing your décolletage area unhinged another kind of want, the one you’ve only imagined in your mind when you were needy and alone. It shouldn’t be a sin unless you’re with the person you’ve fallen for, right?

Facing him again, the eye contact didn’t last long when you were the first one to strike a move. Jeno kissed back right away, his hands pulling you closer by your waist. Whatever sultry music Jeno played, it gave you the perfect momentum to grind on his lap. He groaned against kisses, adding his tongue. His thumbs sensually rubbed your hipbones, one of your hands toying around with his hair while the other one balled up his shirt by the chest. None of you cared if anyone caught you.

The last time you’ve been this aggressive was at the Theater Room, which eventually increased the hidden lust you’ve had towards each other. Taking things slowly at first, it’s about time to delve in for more. The mood was already set from the start, even if Jeno didn’t plan this to happen here. But being the prepared man he is, he did have a condom in his back pocket.

Your fingers trailed from his neck until his crotch. He was hard, sensing how suffocated he must be. But he kept himself in control. Locking eye contact, you sweetly spoke.

“Grant my second wish, Jeno.” That same hand of yours held one of his, planting it in your breast. “Make love to me.”

Giving the go-signal, he crashed his lips on yours while stripping you off your dress. Carefully, he turned you around to untie your tight corset. Once it fell, your neck leaned sideways as his lips attacked it madly. Your breaths were tremulous, placing both his hands on your freed breasts to knead with. His touch felt like fire on your skin, yet you couldn’t stop.

“Jeno,” Obscene moans from your lips choked out. You desired more, shifting back to face him again to attack his lips. Slowly feeling one of his hands laying you down, you spread your legs with ease just for him. He parted after your head landed on the cushion to unbutton himself. The way your mouth dropped to selfishly stare at his bare body, flexing them before getting back into position. He was fit and toned just as Cleopatra predicted.

As much as Jeno knew how wild your thoughts were getting, he was more taken aback by your perky chest.

“Fuck, you are divine.” He sucked one nipple as his fingers ventured to slip your panties down. So much was going on, you didn’t know which stimulated you more. You tried to close your legs around his hand, but he slapped your inner thigh to stop you.

The cool breeze shivered you, especially from your core. Jeno’s fingers adventurously grazed from your hip area to your lower lips. He teasingly rubbed it up and down in your essence, his index finger settling it right at your needy clit. Another moan escaped your lips, an opportunity for Jeno to slide his tongue in your mouth. Enjoying the moment, his fingers dipped inside you. A gasp broke your kiss, making him giggle in your ear.

He knew exactly what he was doing.

“Oh, angel. The things I want to do with you.”

Sliding them back and forth, curling it even, you squirmed for more. Dropping himself to meet your core, Jeno placed your legs on his shoulder. Pushing you closer, his steamy breath felt like friction. Your hips grinded against it, so he gripped on them so you stay put.

“Angel,” He chuckled darkly, his crotch tightening at how powerless you looked. “You’re so pretty.”

You were drenched from arousal. But to Jeno, you were glowing under the lights. He wanted to take his time to admire what he had done to you. His independent girl, only weak for him.

His fingers unfolded in your lower lips, diving in to your orbit. You could hardly speak from his skilled mouth, especially his tongue savagely lapping your clit in numerous paces. You’ve only daydreamed about what it could do aside from kissing, and it exceeded your expectations. By the heated sensation that had the heels of your feet digging his back deeply, you affirmed to have seen more stars than the night sky above you.

Your back arched uncontrollably while his hands grasped your hips to stay in place, the tears in your eyes formulating while tugging on his hair. Your thighs clenched around his face, but his broad shoulders widened it to taste more of you. No use of pulling away when his grip on you was tight, so you could only cry out from the pleasure.

“Fuck!”

The ringing sounds in your off were going off, your throat drying up from moaning once another orgasm was about to hit. Once the knot in you snapped, nothing could hold back your screams of pleasure whilst panting for air. Sensitive as he licked every remaining essence he caused, he smirked as he got up to unbuckle his jeans.

Oh, boy. He got quite a package behind his boxers.

Even while you were overly sensitive, you had to grasp it in your hands. He was yours, and you were his.

The way you clenched around his protected length, pausing to readjust yourself to the feeling. The foreplay deemed helpful, though the girth of him overwhelmed you. He stretched you out so good.

“Are you okay, (Y/N)?” The stunned face you made was expected, still feeling worried that it may be too much.

Biting your lip, you moaned once everything felt bearable. “You can move, Jeno.”

None of you could track exactly how many rounds you went through. Even in the semi-public area, it didn’t hinder either of you. There’s that thrill, and surprisingly enough, you both shared the liking of it. Always switching the positions, you decided to call it quits after another sloppy round in missionary. Something seeing Jeno on top, fully submitting yourself to him, made you feel calm to be vulnerable. It’s really the trust you’ve established from the start, making you rely on humans again once you’ve let the past be.

Jeno brought out another blanket, initially meant for cuddling. It was still applicable though, curling your body into a spoon towards his racing chest. Music was no longer noise, the intimacy creeping back instead of lust this time. The afterglow of Jeno, sweaty and knackered as his legs sprawled under the sheet, was a sight for sore eyes. He’s always been handsome while on duty, but post-sex gave him an extra boost.

Plus there’s pride from the red marks courtesy of you on his chest, grazing over it softly.

Jeno chuckled softly at your smooth fingers, lifting them up to kiss them tenderly before kissing your lips again. Only humans were capable of and to love, but you’re some kind of an exception. Regardless of the magic from the plate, you’d be able to love too if it weren’t for your background.

There’s so much love Jeno wanted to offer you, even if he hasn’t said it out loud yet.

Perhaps one reason was because time was beginning to tick. Finals were a few weeks away, then the one-month long semestral break until a new semester kicks off. Time really flew by, and his bank account and heart expanded too. Enjoying the now was all he could think of doing, but those uncertainties bothered him.

The biggest would be where you and he would stand when his job ended.

Jeno was too absorbed in his internal debate, as portrayed by his eyes staring off in space and running his hand in his hair repeatedly. Something was disturbing him, and you’re concerned as to what it was.

“Jeno,” Around his arm, you tapped his chest to get him out of it. “What’s going on in your head?”

Jeno approached every obstacle he faces straightforwardly, not wanting to let him hold back. Rarely did he keep secrets, especially from you. Instead of hiding away, he voiced it out.

“(Y/N), will we work out?”

“What do you mean, Jeno?”

You’re so occupied in the present that thinking of the future was never in your field. Like him, you’re just enjoying being in the moment. Though after tonight, it’s making you wonder if there’s a future.

“Well,” He placed his hand on top of yours, affectionately observing you. “Times flies faster when you’re having fun, and well, the semester is ending.”

His last words crushed a part of your heart, remembering his initial plan. None of you expected your friendship to bloom into what it is now, but life was just full of surprises without a schedule. At the same time, none of you wouldn’t have it any other way.

It may have been a few months since you two committed to each other, but the spark was still strong. It wasn’t like a summer romance kind of feeling. Time was not a determinant of love either, which you were certain of it with Jeno. A lot more than Junmyeon.

It should’ve frightened you when you realized your love for Jeno, but it didn’t. Even if you didn’t age physically, your mindset did. You’ve learned to forgive your younger self, and through Jeno, you let your guard down completely. From that, you let love in. Platonic to your fellow art pieces, and all of the above to Jeno.

Throughout your relationship, you regained all confidence in yourself and everything you set your mind to.

“I wouldn’t want to worry too much about it if I were you.” Your body flipped to lie on your stomach, resting your head on your palm.

“Why shouldn’t I, angel?”

Gazing back at him, you left a velvety kiss on his lips to rest his thoughts. His hand wrapped your neck, deepening it. But you pulled away with a giggle, all too knowing of his secret intentions as his cock began to harden again. His eyes narrowed down and his lower lip stuck out at your attempt of being a tease.

But enough about sex, you wanted to address a point.

Lee Jeno was going to be the biggest risk you wanted to take and fight for, and no one should try to stop you.

“I’ll ask Circe for a potion. For me, for you, for us.”

If it weren’t for insistent questioning towards every art piece, who kept their mouths shut, only Circe herself banished him from his suffering. Her series of potions varied, and the one you requested years ago which you threw out was capable of turning any art piece into a living human. No potion of Circe ever failed, so you entrusted your life for the day you do drink it.

“Are you sure, angel?”

Jeno knew about that one specifically, and as great to hear that you never threw it out, he never put pressure on you. He wanted you to do whatever felt right, even if deep down, he wished you’d use it. He was only worried about how the flow of the entire museum would be disrupted.

Typical Jeno always looking out for you, but you saw right through his concern. Here you were, caressing his check as reassurance. With an honest smile,

“I’ve never been more certain with anything in my life here until you came, Lee Jeno.”

Jeno opened up more to his life outside the museum, telling all sorts of experiences not just his days as a university student. From his childhood, his family, his travels, heck you even want to meet his friends at this point!

Newly, he shared with you how the sunrise and sunset looked like in Seoul with much vivacity. It’s a luxury as a human to witness as day breaks and ends, so you could imagine by yourself how it would look like. Sure, you had drawings and all, but that was from the real (Y/N) (Y/L/N).

This version of you wanted to live more; that’s your greed now.

“You’ve never touched snow too, right?” Jeno, who had his arm wrapped around you, silently watched the first batch of snow from inside.

“Yup, that’s the thing when you’re imprisoned in this place.” You sulked by his side, earning a chuckle from him who pulled you in closer.

“Don’t tell me now that you despise this place.”

“I don’t, but it hinders me to experience new things. The whole pattern of being awake at night by a plate gets tiring, Jeno.”

All Jeno would do when you’re frustrated was placing your head on his shoulder, listening as you talk.

“I know, angel. But it won’t be long until you leave this place with me, right?”

“You know it!” You interlocked your hands with him, eyes trained at every falling snowflake.

Sometimes, moments in silence with Jeno were all you needed for the night. Being within each other’s presence, focusing or admiring something from afar, it was all the peace you’ve needed from the bustling art pieces.

This week was the last of the semester, and Jeno’s off duty for tonight to focus on his exams. You’ll see him tomorrow night, which was his last shift ever, and also yours too.

Perhaps the biggest milestone you’re committing to without any regrets.

However, it took an unnecessary conversation you accidentally eavesdropped on to rock your decision.

You needed more ink after running out mid-way of sketching the sculptures as a secret parting gift. Before you could take a single step inside your exhibit room, a series of voices were full-on arguing. Booming back and forth, you peeped your ear out whilst hiding against the door.

“Athena, how dare you did to her?! She’s done so well from moving on from it, falling in love even! And now you’re telling me this?!” The distinct voice of Princess Diana, who spoke sweetly most of the time, boomed towards the Greek god. “You’re heartless.”

“I did what I had to do for the sake of this place, Diana!” Athena raised her voice, the lightning in her hands holding back from lashing out. She hated it when anyone argued with her, especially when she does things according to what she believed was necessary. Out of everyone, she had more leadership. “She had to know that her place is here as a wax figure, not outside. Talking Junmyeon out of it was for the best, plus it’s ideal when he drank the potion of memory loss from Circe.”

“But it tore her apart when he left her, and it’s going to tear her again if you do the same with Jeno.”

“How else are you going to approach the situation then, Diana? Those two have broken the highest golden rule, so they need to wake up.”

Right when she celebrated within herself for healing, hearing the unbearable revelation behind the past devastated you. This whole time, she internally blamed herself for being ageless and lashed out at others. The scary past barged back in, and you couldn’t handle it anymore.

Somewhere in the corner, you wept without a trace. You could care less about Athena’s opinions, but you found yourself agreeing to some of her words. You had a role to fulfill, and leaving that behind would be selfish and it could make the museum go topsy-turvy. As painful for Junmyeon to leave you, it was because the truth hurts. Nothing could change it, even if Circe could be your solution because it’ll leave a lot of questions. You didn’t want Jeno to be seen as a suspect.

Oh, Jeno.

There’s nothing wrong with falling in love either, you didn’t intend it to happen. But it becomes unfair when it compromises with your purpose, and that’s not how you are. You’ll always remember Jeno as your biggest risk, though it’s time to end things. Treacherous as it was to accept for you, risk-takers have boundaries too.

Fast forward, on the night of Jeno’s last shift, you’ve cherished every second with him. Playing around, chatting with other art pieces, kissing in private, you made it count. Before dawn broke, that’s where you chose to come clean by the garden, your sacred place. Not even your self-reassurance could prepare you to witness the hurt and confusion Jeno felt.

“You’re a mortal, and you still get to choose your path. Mine is already predetermined here as a wax copy of a historical figure.” You advised as you held both his hands, your voice shaking at the reality.

A few days ago, you were beaming with exhilaration at a new journey but now you’ve permanently backed out. Jeno couldn’t comprehend, and as much as he tried, he couldn’t. A life without you by his side would be empty and dull. “Even so, there are things about you that the original person didn’t have.”

Arguing with him wasn’t your favorite, and it’ll leave the two of you in a bad mood. But there is no way to negotiate this; you’ve already made up your mind. “We must end this, Jeno. You need someone who can grow old with you, and I can’t be that person for you.”

“But we can make it work!” His hands gripped on your slumped shoulders, whilst your face avoiding his to spare yourself from the heartache. “There’s still Circe.”

“I know, but recently, I found out that she’s an indirect cause of my misery.” Pulling away from his touch, you belted with frustration. “I cannot do this anymore, Jeno.”

You’ve always fought for whatever you wanted in life, and Jeno knew he was one of them if it weren’t for you telling him that. So he did the same, thinking of ways to make you feel whole. Now, he couldn’t tolerate the sudden crumbling of his heart from your outburst, and all he wanted to know was why you felt this way. How could he help you?

You don’t keep secrets from Jeno, but the truth behind your harsh actions cannot be revealed for the sake of the museum. Plus, you didn’t want him to despise this place he admired. Causing him pain wasn’t on your list, but keeping him safe was. It may be shown differently and he may not understand it now, but over time, he will.

“Jeno, you’ll find someone better out there. Someone with their whole life ahead of them, who’ll love you for everything that makes you who you are.” Repetitive punches in your guts urged you to barf at your half-lie, but you held it in.

“Why are you pushing me away? What happened to taking risks, (Y/N)?” Jeno interrogated, taking your hands in his hands again. They unconventionally quivered, like his lips. Jeno has never cried in front of anyone, not even when he was younger. Though for you, he just might. “Am I not worth it for you?”

Dear heavens, he was wrong. You internally screamed that, but you can’t let your selfishness seize the night. As Athena said, you had to wake up from your dream. “Committing to you was my biggest risk of them all, Jeno. Everything else that went along with it, I don’t regret it one bit. But time’s really up for us, and we must resume our normal duties.”

“I can’t lose you, (Y/N).”

“You never will, Jeno.”

He crouched lower to meet your height, his finger moving your head so you’d look at him back. Weakly enough, you did. “I want you to be a part of my normal life, angel.”

“I’ll always be here, you know. I’ll be standing in my usual spot upstairs, and you can drop by whenever you can.” You pressed your lips, lifting your head to avoid incoming tears. Meanwhile, he began shedding a few. You’ve hurt him big time, and you’ll never forgive yourself for this. “I still have one wish, right?”

Jeno’s sorrow was beyond his capacity, leaning his forehead against yours to kiss it. No matter what he could say or do, he already knew it won’t be effective. You’re affirmative in your choices, yet he still wanted to challenge it. All he wanted to know was why you’re doing this.

“Let me walk you one last time to your section.”

The black night sky had remnants of blue, motioning that dawn was approaching. Other figures gave their goodbyes to Jeno earlier, cleaning up their areas before they pose. Though none of them anticipated such a cold atmosphere between you two, they could only spy on what was bound to happen.

“My last wish is for you to let me go, Jeno.” You avowed, blinking your eyes with faux positivity. Your hands patted his blazer so it wouldn’t crease. “I already have a role to fulfill here, and you’re on the way to yours, future architect.”

“I love you, (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” Only tonight did he muster his courage to finally admit it to you after giving himself more time to analyze it. Timing was always crucial, and the badness of it showed.

Deep in your heart, you resonated the feeling. But it’ll make things more complicated, and it was the final thing you’ve wanted to occur. Someone had to be the strong one, and now, it should be you. With one more compassionate kiss on his lips, you stepped inside your section and readied your position.

“Goodbye, Lee Jeno.”

The sunshine brightened the room, and you’ve frozen to slumber again.

All Jeno could do was drop on his knees, sobbing over your rash actions. Unknown to him, a single tear left your eye as you posed.

Regardless of what status you were in, the pain of it all remained.

Jeno spent most of his semestral break with his friends to travel or whatnot, trying to forget it all. Even if he aced all his finals, his efforts felt like nothing if he never had you by his side to celebrate.

The sting over his short-lived romance with you never diminished the slightest, no one whom he could express his pain about it to especially when Renjun drank the memory wipe potion that Athena initially left for Jeno by his desk.

Forget it all, and live a peaceful life. You have so much potential, my mentee.

- Athena

Perhaps this was the same thing Junmyeon drank all those years ago, but unlike him, he didn’t have the guts to. He still wanted another chance.

So every day since the new semester began, he spent every afternoon break at your section. He’ll be seated by the bench, doing his assignments and talking about his day while sometimes stealing a glance of your figure. Some habits don’t change.

He never got sick of the same smile you exemplified, falling even more for you. He’ll often wonder what you’ve been up to.

What are your new sketches?

Are you taking care of Mochi well?

Have you apologized to Sanghoon yet?

Speaking of him, he surprisingly scooted over to Jeno’s side. This was the first time Jeno met the man, and politely enough greeted him. Sanghoon interviewed the boy, asking all sorts of questions that Jeno had every answer to. The biggest change that Sanghoon noticed since he left was your personality. You no longer bite, but treat everyone kindly without bias. You’re always active to help him out in cleaning the lobby, and you don’t go easily defensive.

Once he found out that Jeno was the reason for that, he was overjoyed at the start and wanted to meet him some way. You were a tough cookie, but now you relaxed. That was all that mattered to him, hoping to know more about him from you. That was until Diana stepped in and told him everything that happened. Mostly, the bad.

Playfulness eventually bore love. The last time you fell in love was in the 80s and Junmyeon pushed you away, he recalled. This time, you’re pushing Jeno away because you simply agreed with Athena’s points.

This wasn’t right, but it wasn’t his place to interfere.

But then again, he finally caught Jeno for the first time today and this time, he was open to hearing his side of the story. Lessen his misery too.

“No matter how stubborn she is, she loves you.” He advised him, bringing out one of your full sketchbooks. As Jeno opened it, the majority of the portraits were him. Sleeping, smiling, laughing, you drew him from every minor detail you could spot like the mole near his eye and his crescent eyes.

A handsome face I would never get sick until the end of time. Someone I want to wake up to every day in the morning if it weren’t for that plate.

- (Y/N)

Towards the end, a sketch of a house unfolded. The interior was a fusion of modernity and old royal design due to its white walls, wide space, and the placing of less furniture, plus an open backyard. There’s another tiny comment on the side from you.

I was right. Joining our varying designs together is pretty. Maybe Jeno and I could live in a house like this one day.

- (Y/N)

If you loved him so much, why did you let him go then when you had all these plans with him? Even if he tried to understand, he just didn’t.

“Don’t give up just yet when she told you to.”

“Are you just saying this or something?”

“Well, Princess Diana passed this message on but after everything, I believe that she’s right.” Sanghoon gave his opinion, but Jeno was reluctant to accept it.

“I never got a proper explanation why she suddenly changed her mind, Sanghoon.” He ranted, raking his hand through his hair from puzzlement. “Did I do something wrong?”

Sanghoon pitied him, having the upper hand and questioning himself whether to reveal the truth. However, since this boy took the job, he’s succumbed to secrecy. Without any transparency, it could drive someone mad. He’s too young for that, so Sanghoon breathed in defeat and placed his hand on Jeno’s shoulder.

“Promise me you won’t be mad when I tell you because I was when I found out; almost screamed even.”

Jeno nodded, listening to whatever Sanghoon had to say.

Of all people, he never would’ve expected Athena to do such a brash thing. Someone he respected and trusted, only to betray him by doing something she believed was good for all. Except it wasn’t, and it ended up hurting you all these years. The woman he loved, now he’s a clearer understanding of why you did what you did. Yet, it can’t fix his excruciation.

Heartbroken was an understatement; he had no one to rely on. With Sanghoon, he finally had a proper breakdown. The older man could only comfort his quietly, picturing him like one of his sons going through a hard time in school. But if it involves the heart, it’ll take more time to recover.

“You’re always the one adjusting, Jeno. But I think this time, you’re the one who needs space.”

A Year and a Half Later

“Jeno Lee!!!” Jaemin roughly wallowed his best friend in a hug when he arrived in their dorm room for the first time in a long time. “You dyed your hair blonde again!”

Renjun, who was behind the two of them, only rolled his eyes as he helped carry Jeno’s bags. “God damn it, Jaemin! You’re supposed to be helping me first!”

“I know, but give me a few seconds! I’m just happy our group is back together!”

Jeno laughed at his friends’ annoying yet silly dynamics, giddy to be back home. For a year, Jeno spent his 3rd year of university in Rome, Italy after one of his professors brought up to him about a scholarship program there for his course. At the time where he needed a change of scenery, he sent his application form and got interviewed.

Acing it, he had the opportunity to fly across the world to study and travel. His English skills surely improved, even picking up Italian words along the way due to a required class for it. He studied the history of different locations and how they were built.

He also went on field trips almost every day if it weren’t for the Italian students assigned to tour him around, academic and non-academic. Nights he spent on drinking wine on the rooftop of his dorm with them, screaming his complaints in the world with them.

It didn’t hit him that his stay was reaching its end until he submitted his final plate. His goodbye party didn’t even feel like one, but a see you later in the next few years after he becomes a licensed architect with money. His goal of it felt more realistic, motivating him to excel in his remaining years in university.

After unpacking half of his things, he was reminded of an email from one of the head professors, who requested another copy of his confidential documents from the Italian university he went to as soon as he’s back on campus.

He raced to the department with a folder of them and luckily encountered the said professor. Handing it to him, this professor questioned how he was and what experiences he gained from the trip. With excitement, Jeno spoke all sorts of tales from his adventures, highlighting how determined he was now to be an architect.

“That’s great to hear, Jeno!” He celebrated, checking on his watch, and widened his eyes. Frantic at his colliding schedules, he asked Jeno for a favor. It turned out that at the same time as his emergency meeting, he’s supposed to tour the new transferee student around campus.

“Only if you have time, Jeno! I could always ask another student, plus you just came back and need rest.”

“It’s not like I left for a decade, sir. No worries, I’ll do it.”

“Oh, bless your soul.” He put his hands together in prayer position, bowing back and forth with gratitude. “Wait, she’s right outside! Go ahead and introduce yourself.”

Jeno nodded, exiting right through the department doors. This girl had her back turned, inspecting her surroundings. She wore a black and white tweed blazer that matched with her skirt, black high heeled boots, and a black handbag. She must be a foreigner, Jeno thought.

“Excuse me, are you the transferee in the department of Architecture?”

Jeno didn’t brace himself for the surprise he’d face once this girl reacted to him calling her out. Her face was one he could never forget, no matter how many times he told himself to. The same face he convinced his heart to stop beating for, yet it lied.

This radiant face was none other than yours.

Jeno almost dropped his phone. He tried his best to hold on to your promise, but he failed. It was the main reason he studied abroad; to forget and focus on his career path. So the least thing he could’ve done was to study hard for his dream career.

Just a glimpse of you projected back every single memory you’ve had together. Beautiful yet heart-wrenching, he kept his emotions to himself.

You even wore the rose necklace he got you. Could it be?

“It’s been a while, Lee Jeno.” You took the metaphorical scissors to cut the tension, trying to contain the crushing feelings. The faculty center was a public place, yet it’s like the two of you were on the main stage.

“Do you remember me?” Astounded, you nodded. Every single detail.

Jeno could’ve ran away, but didn’t. He could’ve left you hanging, but didn’t. He can no longer count how many times you’ve appeared in his dreams, only to be disappointed when morning comes to not have you in his arms. He took one step closer, taking his time.

“How do you know me?”

“You’re the boy whom I helped with his assignment, argued with me over Romeo and Juliet,” You mimicked his move, making you one step nearer to him. “And most of all, the boy I once gave my entire heart to.”

Another step, leaving a few inches between the two of you. His heart palpitated without caffeine. What if he was napping in his dorm again? It was all surreal. “Is it really you, (Y/N)?”

Hearing your name from his lips lowered your guard, you pleased him with a hopeful grin. “I’d be dust by now if I didn’t drink Circe’s potion, right?”

That’s where Jeno unchained himself from his emotions. He engulfed in a warm hug, one that has no plans to let go when his chin planted on your shoulder. You returned the gesture, dropping all your worries away along with your bag and papers as your arms snaked through his neck.

You knew you had to part ways for a while after everything, though you were unsure how he’d feel about it. You recalled every time he visited you after his job ended up until his intense chat with Sanghoon, where he bawled his heart out. You couldn’t take it anymore after trying to stay strong, crying as soon as you woke up that night.

All your fellow figures could do was soothe you down like before to the best of their abilities, yet this time, it was unsuccessful. You’re filled with misery, realizing later how much of a big mistake you’ve made.

You’ve isolated yourself again for a while, but less rudeness and more silence. It was until Circe visited you. She doesn’t like getting involved with drama, though now was different. She, alongside Hera and Aphrodite, couldn’t withstand you tolerating the heartbreak again. So they went behind Athena’s back on this one time and created a potion together just for you. But with a compromise.

“This potion can turn you into a human. However, there’s only a 10% chance you’ll regain all your memories from this place.”

“So I’ll forget everyone and him?”

“Yes, unfortunately.” You’re about to shoo her away, not in the mood to do something drastic as that. But Circe grabbed your arm again. “I strongly believe that if you and he meant to be, then there will come a time these past memories will suddenly surge at you.”

“Must I need to forget to live properly?”

You’re stubborn, and Circe expected it. “You’ve broken so many golden rules, (Y/N), so it must be done. I’ve gone against Athena for this potion, and rarely have I done that. So rather than wallowing up in misery, you should focus on yourself. Do what makes you happy because this place is trapping you from every great thing out there.”

Those were the word that the actual (Y/N) (Y/L/N) lived by, nevertheless, you’re unique from her. You built a separate identity from her. “But Jeno-”

“At the right time, (Y/N). Pull yourself together and do all the things you’ve dreamt of before he came into the picture. I just know he loves you that much, and that he will wait for you.”

That same night, you gathered all your senses and drank it. The transition was fast as lightning speed, and behold, you were like a new person. You’re back in London, with a family that closely resembled your former one; only 3 older siblings, making you the youngest. You also had a new set of memories, from childhood until your adult years.

From (Y/N) (Y/L/N), you became (Y/N) Edwards.

It took one drunken night out with your university friends for the unlikely surge of old memories to speedily hit through your intoxicated state. Way beyond a dream, you’ve dropped your shot glass and broke down in the bathroom of your dorm room. You left something unaccomplished, and you had to do something before it’s too late.

Thus, you rushed to Seoul thanks to your parents’ support as they agreed that exploring outside your home country was a great experience. The only excuse you gave to your friends for the sudden transfer was you finding a new calling.

Sure, studying abroad was an exciting thing but you’re more determined to reunite with him. Even if this encounter was unforeseen, it was bound to happen one day. It so turned out that you had the same major in your former university and this new one.

Head to toe, you remembered everything.

“I’m so sorry I took so long.” You cradled your head on his chest, unaware of how your new life left Jeno so troubled.

“That doesn’t matter anymore.” Jeno tightened his grip, scared of releasing you again. Those two years felt like a breath of fresh air and a punch in the gut. “I tried to live up to your last wish, but I really can’t.”

“I want to take that wish back, Jeno. I wasn’t thinking right and only ended putting you through so much.”

“Oh, angel. I slowly understood why you did it.” Before he got too fragile, he softened his grip on you and showed his face again to you. He wanted a better look at his pretty girl, his fingers brushing strands of your hair behind your ear. Heart-fluttering, you bit your bottom lip. “What would you want to wish for instead?”

“Instead of you letting me go, I wish you could take me back and love me again. I can’t undo the past, but I’d still like to think I’ve tried my best.” That was the only wish you could ever think of. As huge as it was, it was something he may not accept. Yet you gave it a go, risking it all. “I don’t deserve you at all, Jeno.”

“Don’t say that, (Y/N).” One of his hands grabbed yours, putting it on his cheek. Cupping it, “I’ve never stopped loving you, you know.”

Oh, love. An all-too familiar emotion that either makes or breaks you. Of all the times you could’ve said those words, you held back, especially that wretched night you two broke it off. Although you showed it, being able to say it to someone felt more empowering.

This was finally the chance you’ve unconsciously waited for.

“I’m stupid for not saying this sooner.”

“What is it?”

With intimate eye contact, you drowned in the comfort of his brown orbs. You trusted him then, and you trusted him now. “I love you, Lee Jeno.”

Secretly, Jeno anticipated for the day you’d say those meaningful 3 words. Just like you, he showed more affection through actions than words. He only admitted when he lost you, and never would he do the same mistake again. If he felt that the love was strongly present, he will say it aloud.

“I love you still, (Y/N).” His arm around your waist tugged you in further. “I loved you as (Y/N) (Y/L/N) and I will continue to love you as (Y/N) Edwards.”

He peeked on your ID earlier, but regardless, he stood by his truth. You’re still the same (Y/N).

Finally, he closed the limited space between your lips. The memories of your past romance replayed in sync of every touching kiss, popping one leg up like in the movies. The Princess Diaries, specifically. Like in the museum from your unbearable parting, one warm tear freed itself down your cheek.

The sweetness of being reunited with you again beat the torturous wait of Jeno. Time really made your hearts grow fonder. As everyone said, if the love between two people is real, then it’ll find its way back to each other.

The world must be on your side too because no professor called you two out on your public display of affection. Jeno pecked your lips one time before stepping away, picking up the things you dropped.

“Now come on, I have to tour you around as instructed.”

You stomped on your feet, rolling your eyes from being left hanging. He’s still the same tease from before. “After that kiss though, I would’ve thought we could reschedule it.”

“No can do, Edwards.” Passing over your things, he wrapped one arm around you as he escorted you out of the building. The university was huge, with more buildings and green fields surrounded everywhere. “Left or right? There are a lot of places you missed out on all those years.”

“Point taken. Then you lead the way, my love.”

343 notes · View notes

forever-rogue · 3 years

Note

hi 🥺 can i have "It's lonely here without you" from list 2 with Jack? 🥺 if possible some hurt/comfort situation? love you 💖

Hi bb, you can have whatever you want 🥺💕

Agent Whiskey x Fem!Reader ; warnings: none

Pedro Characters Masterlist

»»————-　♡　————-««

You sighed to yourself as you looked around the dark, empty bedroom. It was early still, and the day was just breaking over the horizon. The sky was an inky blue, melding into orange and pink as a new day was beginning. Birds were softly chirping outside the window, traffic was starting up, and the world was slowly waking.

And yet you wished you weren't. Not alone anyways.

You missed him. You missed Jack. Everything about him - his smile, his laugh, his touch, his kiss. Every little thing about him was so golden and after having been in his glow for so long, it was hard to go with it. It was for work, missions sometimes called him away for extended periods, but it was always hard.

Reaching for your phone on the nightstand, you quickly unlocked it and scrolled through your notifications, swiping away most of them. Only one really caught your attention - a very early good morning text from Jack. A smile tugged on the corners of your mouth as you read over the text and some of your previous conversations. Jack was the epitome of an old man when it came to texting, but damn he tried, and he never failed to make you smile. Your favorites were always the silly selfies he sent in his down time.

Gods, you hoped he would be back soon.

I miss you, you quickly typed out, it's lonely here without you.

Before thinking too much about it, you quickly sent it and turned the phone upside, burrowing back into your pillows. They still smelled like him no matter how often they were washed - not that you minded.

It was only a few moments before the phone vibrated. Surprised by the quick response, you snatched it back up and hastily opened the message.

Get up, your brow furrowed at the cryptic message, go to the kitchen.

You quickly replied - what?

Just do as I ask for once, Sugar, without any sass.

Fine!

You beamed at his message, still confused as to what he meant, but decided to indulge him. Pushing back the warm, plush blankets you slowly climbed out of the bed, letting your feet hit the carpet with a soft thud. You grabbed a nearby sweater, which just happened to be Jack's, and pulled it on before slowly padding downstairs and to the kitchen. The house you shared with your husband was decently sized, but when you were alone it felt gigantic and cold.

You were humming to yourself as you walked into the kitchen, stopping dead in your tracks as you spied a large bouquet of your favorite flowers on the counter. Your face lit up as you walked over to them, completely forgetting that you should be worried about the fact that mysterious flowers had appeared in your kitchen.

You looked for a card or some of indication of their origin, touching a few of the soft petals. Unfortunately, you found nothing. No card, note, anything until -

"Hi Sugar," you almost jumped out of your skin as you looked around the flowers and found Jack grinning back at you. You almost squealed in delight as you ducked around the corner as you threw yourself into his arms. He held you tightly, easily wrapping his arms around you as you buried your face into his chest, "hi baby, I've missed you so much."

"Jack," you pulled back to look at him, studying his face, watching as his soft brown eyes crinkled with his smile. You touched his cheek, watching as he keened into your touch, "I've missed you too. I didn't expect you back so soon."

"Maybe I pulled your leg and said I was going to be gone longer than I was," he teased as he kissed you softly. It was easy to melt into his touch, to get completely lost in him, "I wanted to come and surprise my favorite girl."

"Whatever for?" you asked softly as your heart fluttered gently. Gods, you were so in love with him, and you couldn't imagine a life without him anymore, "I don't think I've missed anything...its not our anniversary...no plans? Why…?"

"I didn't think I needed a reason," he insisted with a gentle shake of his head, "I just don't want to be away any longer than I needed to be. And I figured this would be a nice little surprise. I know how hard it is for me to be away from you, and I imagine its the same for you…"

"I detest even being away from you for even a day," you promised, "anything longer is practically torture. I was thinking about stowing myself into your luggage this time around."

"A most welcome surprise that would have been," he swiped his thumb along your cheek before kissing you again. He hand went to the back of your neck as he held you close and you wrapped your arms around his neck, breathing him in. If you could have stayed like that forever, you easily would have, "I love you."

"I love you," you trailed a few kisses along his jaw before going back to his lips and giggling as his mustache tickled your lip. You always teased him for it, claiming it would look ridiculous on anyone else, but it worked for him. And it did - of course he looked handsome without it, but there was something about that was just so...him.

"I suppose I do have one thing I've been wanting to tell you," he cleared his throat as you pulled back, a worried expression etching onto your features. He shook his head fervently before tenderly cradling your face in his hands, "no, no, no, sugar, don't worry - it's nothing bad!"

"Jack! You can't just spring something like that on me," you pouted at him, sticking your bottom lip out as he chuckled softly, "out with it! What is it?"

"Well, I was thinking," he started and immediately held up a finger to your lips to silence you. He knew you well enough to know that you were about to make a sassy comment, "I know its a shocker, but hear me out."

"Sorry baby," you grinned at him, "go on."

"I know we've talked about it and I was just thinking...we've been married for a while now and well, if we're serious about starting a family in the near future, I want to be home more," you listened carefully to his words, but you couldn't help yourself as a grin stretched across your features, "I don't want to miss a thing, and want to be here for everything and I think its time I took a step back from statesman. Besides...I'm not the same young man I once was."

"Jack," you put your hands on his broad chest as you tried to blink back the years that threatened to well up. You'd been waiting to hear those words for some time, although you never would have told him that. You knew how much his job meant to him and you'd never have thought about getting in the way of that. But it never stopped you from worrying about him, even if he was one of the best and most seasoned agents. He was your Jack, and you'd always worry - but this? This was everything, "do you mean it? I'd never ask you to do such a thing, baby. I know how much it means to you."

"I want to do this," he promised gently as he wiped away the single tear that had rolled down your cheek, "for myself and you and whatever else comes down the road. You are more important than anything else."

"I...I don't know what to say," you said softly as you could already picture long leisurely days with Jack at your side and in the near future, maybe a baby of your own, "besides the fact that I love you so much. You mean more to me than you will ever know."

"I'm hoping you'll say it sounds like a good idea," he almost seemed nervous as he searched your eyes for approval. It hadn't been a rash decision by any means, but he hadn't quite discussed it with you before making the decision to significantly cut back his duties. He didn't think you'd have a problem but still… "or otherwise I'll feel like an old fool."

"Of course it sounds like a good idea," you promised, gently carding a hair through his dark locks, "you continually make me the happiest woman. I don't know what I did to deserve you-"

"Oh Sugar, I think its the other way around," he insisted gently, "after...everything with...I never thought I'd get the privilege to love again, or to meet someone like you. You came into my life like a tornado, but I wouldn't change a thing. You have made me believe that there is good in the world, that there is a reason to get up every morning and be the best. I don't think you truly understand the magnitude with which I love you."

"A gentleman and a poet," you whispered as you wrapped your arms around his middle and held him close, "if we weren't already married, I'd say that sounded like a proposal."

"Well, I suppose it is a proposal of sorts, I propose I work less hours and spend more time with you," he teased, "if you'll allow it."

"Always," you beamed at him, "but right now I have a favor to ask of you."

"Of course," you reached for his hand and started to tug him away and towards the staircase, "we go back to bed and be lazy and spend the day doing nothing, "its still so early."

"Well my plan had been to make coffee and breakfast and surprise you with it," he admitted and if you it was possible to be anymore in love with him, you would have fallen in love then and there, "but someone was up early and I couldn't keep a secret."

"I couldn't sleep," you confessed softly, "I missed you...and there's been a lot on my mind lately."

"Oh?" he seemed concerned for a moment before you shook your head to let him know it wasn't anything serious, "everyone's alright?"

"More than alright," you grinned, "let's go back to bed and I'll tell you everything. We can make breakfast - later when the world is actually awake."

"Now you have me intrigued," he admitted as he let you pull him along upstairs. His hand was warm around yours as he held tightly onto it, the simple action causing a warmth to settle all over you. Jack was home and he wasn't going anywhere - what more could you want?

"Its nothing to worry about," you promised as you thought of the little surprise you had for him stashed away in the drawer of the nightstand, "just come with me and hold me and sleep. I've missed you."

"And I have missed you greatly," he paused at the landing of the stairs before pulling you into his arms and kissing you until you were practically drunk off of his touch, "my love."

"And I you," you nuzzled your nose gently against his, "now come on, let us be lazy and relax. Tell me everything about your trip and I'll tell you all about what happened since you've been gone…"

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gb-patch · 3 years

Text

Ask Answers: May 15th Part 1

It’s been longer than usual since our last answer session, so I’m answering a ton of questions today! It’s so big I split it into two parts. Thank you for the patience on getting a response to these.

Thanks for reaching out to us with your questions and kind words ^^!

Sorry if this has been asked before or isn't something you can say but is there anyway for Cove to confess in step 4? I wanted him to confess in step 3 and followed all the steps to make him do it but ended up texting my family instead of Cove at the end.

Yeah, Cove can confess in Step 4!

Hello! I heard that Cove is on the spectrum, albeit undiagnosed. As someone who is ND, this makes me UNBELIEVABLY happy. I literally was brought to tears! Thank you for that!

Out of curiosity, will Cove be diagnosed in Step 4? I have a strong feeling y’all won’t make it a HUGE deal/make it out to be negative, so I’m not worried about that whatsoever! I’m just curious just he’ll off handedly mention it? Or will it just not be touched upon at all (which is ok!)?

Either way is ok, I’m just curious!

I’m happy it made you happy! Admittedly, Cove simply being someone with autism that grew up not being diagnosed was something I included for myself. I didn’t really think anyone would notice or ask about it, aha. But players did start to have questions about his traits, so I started to talk about it outside of the game. It’s great to see it get such a positive response and now I do feel like having it be a non-topic may have been the wrong choice and bringing it up would’ve been good in terms of having positive representation for that. I don’t know if I’ll find a way to mention it in Step 4 now, with how far along the game is, but I am at least thinking about it when originally it wasn’t something I really even considered.

Hey! Just wanted to say thank you for Our Life. It's been a bright spot and a needed escape in what's otherwise been a crummy year. I know you just did a Q&A post but I figured I'd ask anyway. Was just curious about Step 4. Will it be similar to the other Steps in that it consists of several different moments or will it just be one long sequence?

Step 4 is shorter than the prior Steps because it’s just an epilogue rather than a full arc of a story. It’ll consist of scenes that all happen in a set row one after the other. There won’t be a collection of Moments to choose from. But it’ll still be very sweet and fun.

¡hola!, you see, first I want to say that I love Our Life! (°◡°♡) and I have 2 important questions, would Cove cry watching titanic? and what is the saddest part according to him? (sorry for my english)

Titanic would make him cry. He’d probably think the parts showing people who aren’t able to make it to the life boats/are choosing to stay and go down with the ship were the saddest.

Hello, I wanted to ask how much you earn with creating games? Like is it possible to make a living? Thank you >< <3

How much I earn varies a lot month to month based on Steam sales, Patreon backers, and how many projects are in full production at the time. It’s also hard to say how much I make historically, since that also changes dramatically year by year. But I do earn enough to work on these games full time! I really appreciate all the support that allows me to do that.

Hey!! I was wondering for the 18+ Our Life moment, will there be an emphasis on safety/comfort for all involved? I feel like there would be just going off of what the rest of the game is like, but I wanted to ask

Yes! Cove is a nervous boy himself and also super cautious about doing anything the MC doesn’t like, so clear consent from both is absolutely needed for anything to happen. It’s a conversational sexy times Moment with stops/starts so the two can talk about how they’re feeling, rather than a heat of the moment just going for it kind of thing.

Hey!! I was wondering how long the wedding dlc would be? Will it be broken up into moments, or just one big event?

It’s one long series of scenes all in a row rather than a collection of Moments to pick from. It’s the shortest and the least expensive of all the DLCs. It’s not super crucial to get and those who aren’t into big weddings can totally skip it without worry.

HELLO AMAZING DEVS 👋 i am hopelessly in love with the worst guy ever (jeremy king) and because of this i have a really stupid question: does he really hate people who are nice to him? TvT he’s too cute to be mean to istg it’s a miracle JB held the urge to be consistently nice to him bc just look at his FACE he is so cute! thank you for jeremy’s route it’s so lovely (and awful bc he’s scum 11/10) it gave me so much laughs LMAO i hope you guys have a good day!!

Haha, thank you. He doesn’t hate them but he’s certainly not pleased with them. Jeremy is either uncomfortable with or annoyed by people being sweet on him, depending on how they approach it. He’s far more comfortable with jerkiness. It lets him relax and he can be himself without it being a problem, since he’s also a jerk. He feels a level of guilt being such a little punk to kind people, not enough to be a better person but still.

Has Cove dated or been interested in someone other than MC?

Nope! He stays single over the course of the game if he’s not with the MC.

Is Step 4 more mature? Or it's gonna be set in similar atmosphere as Step 3?

Step 4 is a similar atmosphere as Step 3. Though, it’s actually kind of less mature-topic heavy than Step 3 since it’s just a ‘hey, let’s check in on the gang to see what they’re up to’ style epilogue rather than a story arc with serious issues.

will there be new music for now and forever?? or will the old our life music be reused?

It’s gonna be a brand new soundtrack. We’ll be opening up a job position for that soon.

Hi, is it okay if we use the assets in Our Life (like the sprites) for fanworks or fan content content, like edits?

Sure! Just as long as you don’t use the assets made by those artists to make money.

Quick clarification on Step 3 choices: I hope I didn't come off rude (because I LOVE the game, really!!), I was just curious because the intro threw me off at times. For example, you could choose how you felt about Elizabeth in Step 2 (Dinner), but during the Step 3 intro, it says that you got closer to Liz and I didn't get a choice in it.

For the example, it can’t be helped that you’re closer to Liz in Step 3 than you were in Step 2 because she’s inherently closer to the MC regardless of whether you liked her or not in Step 2. Her feelings are out of your control and the game isn’t so dramatic that you can push her affection away and not let her bond with you, haha. But ‘being closer’ can still be relative. For some people maybe that means you’re best buds now and for others it might just mean you’re not fighting all the time any more. If there’s other parts you want to mention, feel free to let us know.

Did the illustrator for Our Life change?

We have many OL artists! The main artists who set the game’s style haven’t changed, but there’s multiple other artists who help finish assets.

So Miranda's type is confident and outgoing, huh? So...does that mean Terri's her type?? 👀

Haha, sorry for the late reply on this. As you might’ve seen in our post yesterday- yeah that is her type.

Hey! First, I just want to say I've really enjoyed how detailed OL got with gender identity and sexuality and how respectful the topics were handled! It's been so wonderful to play since the experiences could be close to my own (I'd be lying if I said I didn't tear up at parts). Second, I was wondering, would future games explore the topic of polyamory? I'd love to see more visual novels allow room for that and I saw you've explored the topic before.

Keep up the amazing work! ♡

Thank you! We do want to include polyamory in at least some of our future projects. Floret Bond, which might be what you’re referring to when mentioning how we’ve explored the topic before, is on hold unfortunately. So right now I’m not sure when something might release or what will be the first game of ours to come out with poly relationships (we might do something else before FB is done). We’ll have see how things ends up coming together.

Hey um. I feel like im not allowed to ask this on the private discord cuz people will yell at me but why is there so much focus on OL2 and not finishing OL1 stuff? I like the new people but i kind of want to finish cove's story and get derek and baxter stuff first. didn't people pay for it?

I’m sorry, I don’t understand entirely what’s making that situation a concern. There’s a channel in the discord for critique where no one is allowed to comment back. People can voice things they’re worried about without any way for others to push back on it. And the two teams working on the OL games are different. We try to post pretty often about how we’re hiring brand new people to start on Our Life: Now & Forever. The OL1 team is all still working on OL1 like normal. There’s only more updates on the Patreon for OL2 because the expansions to the first game are mostly script-based at this point while OL2 is just starting to get all its art, which means there’s a lot more to show off as previews.

Also, there was a Kickstarter for the first Our Life, if that’s what you mean by people paying for it. But one of the stretch goals was to start Our Life 2 early, before fully completing Our Life 1, so that the new game could be out sooner. It wouldn’t make sense to stop doing OL2 work because that would be going against what backers were promised. Maybe you didn’t get the full story before and hopefully this clears it up!

Hello! I know it's up to every player but.. What is your recommendation for playing order? Did you ever had any timeline events planned?

I didn’t make the events with a planned timeline. The events got made simply as I had ideas for them and then I just kind of organized them from left to right on the screen in an order to space out more dramatic ones between more lighthearted ones. Any order the player wants to go with is totally valid!

Hi! It's Step 4 a paid dlc or update? And how long it's planned to be? Ps. Love the game!

The Step 4 epilogue is free! The Cove Wedding DLC does cost money, though. Those are planned to be shorter than the usual Steps/DLCs.

Will we have options for what sort of job the MC might have by the time step 4 takes place?

Yeah, you can. It’s not super exact or detailed, but there are options about it.

Is there a pandemic in Our Life world, or is it just in a better timeline with no pestilence?

Our Life is pandemic-free! That didn’t exist when we began working on the project and it’s not something we’d like to feature in this story now that it has unfortunately come along, aha.

Hi, you said that you can play tic-tac-toe or hangman with Cove in Boating if you're sick/scared but I keep getting tic-tac-toe. Am I doing something wrong?

After being sick/scared you have to continue to be upset/unwell. If you calm down and decide to just chill you’ll end up playing tic-tac-toe.

Hi, GB Patch! Since Lee was initially commissioned to only appear in two Steps does this mean she won't appear in the Wedding DLC? I really like her character so it'll be a little weird to not have our cousin at our wedding, aha.

She is gonna be in Step 4/the wedding DLC after all! We’re still working with her creator to make sure it fits with what they wanted.

Is Sunset Bird based on a real place? Asking for a friend, not trying to move there or anything. 👀

It’s based on small beach towns in So-Cal, but not one specific town you could go see in real life, I’m afraid. It’d be nice if it was real, though.

—– —– —– —–

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

#our life #Our Life Beginnings & Always #Our Life: Now & Forever #ask #gb patch #gb patch games #xoxo droplets

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mp100fanworkstranslation · 3 years

Text

God Help the Girl -Part 1/2-

By Rubato This book was published in 2017. Currently out of print.

Chapter 1: The Guard

Good Morning

Every day is the same. A black and gray world.

This same man is always amongst the morning crowd, his hair is unusual. An interesting shiny brass in the morning sunlight.

I only started seeing him in April of this year, so I suspect he’s new. His eyes are always dull. The dead-eyed look of a souless job. Not that different from me really.

Guard: Good Morning

Very few ever respond when I greet them at the door.

Reigen: Good Morning

But this man would always looks at me and replies.

7:39 and 17 seconds. Guard looks at watch as Reigen swipes his card key.

I don’t know when it started, but I came to look forward to seeing him every morning. Something interesting to look forward to in this otherwise dull job.

Guard looks at staff key card records. The man who entered the building at 7:39:17

Found it. Reigen Arataka. Don’t know what the Kanji is for his name.

I’ve been a very reserved person since I was little. I’m not a very emotional. I’ve never really held an interest in anything in particular, or taken an interest in anyone.

Gotten in plenty of fights as a student. I never start them, I was always just called in to help finish them. I don’t like violence, I don’t hate it either. I just go with the flow.

After highschool, I drifted around from one job to another, often ended up working with some shady dangerous types.

Even then, it was more of the same. A largely empty person in a mostly dull life. I don’t expect anything to change. That’s my life I guess.

I’ve been working at this office for god-knows-how-long when I first saw this guy.

-Lunchtime-

Older Guard: Hey

Guard: How are you?

Older Guard: So uh, I’m sorry to ask, but could you take over my night shift tonight?

Guard: sure

Older Guard: What?! Really?! Thank you! That’ll really help me. So, I’ll take your morning shift tomorrow then.

Guard: No, you don’t need to, I can work my own shift.

Older Guard: Um....well...

He’s walking around the office at night and notices that one of the rooms still has the light on.

Guard: I’m sorry, but I need you to leave so I can lock up.

There’s a guy collappsed over his desk. Guard: Oh... Oh god....

He imagines a news paper headline “Karoshi: Employee dies during the night”

(Japanese office workers occasionally die at work. This is common enough that it has it’s own term “Karoshi” People will spend days at the office, working nonstop, chasing deadlines until their bodies give out. )

Upon closer look the guy is breathing.

Guard: He’s asleep

Touches hair Guard: I touched it.

Reigen: nnnnnngh

Guard: Sir, the building is closed.

Reigen: OH NO I FELL ASLEEP! I..Im so sorry, Give me a minute, I need to gather my things.

Guard: Uh, take you time. It’s fine.

Reigen is escorted to the elevator by security. While they’re waiting for the elevator, Reigen asks: Hey, I see you every morning at the door.

Guard: ah yes

Reigen: So are you gonna be there tomorrow morning too?

Guard: Yes

Reigen: Wow you work really hard

Guard: yeah Well, alright, I need to move on and check the next floor. I’ll leave you here.

Reigen: Thank you. Sorry for the trouble.

Guard: You haven’t been looking well recently, don’t overwork yourself.

Reigen: Thank you. It’ll all be over tomorrow, and I’ll finally have a chance to rest.

Guard: ?

Reigen: I’ll be leaving now, thank you.

Reigen walks out. The caption on the guard says he’s very happy, even though his face has a flat expression.

Didn’t think I’d get to interact with him more. Maybe it’s worth staying at this job a little longer. Just think about it that’s all.

As the guard is thinking this, the background comic images show Reigen sticking his resignation letter into his bag.

Guard: Good Morning

Reigen: Thanks for your help last night.

Guard: GOOD MORNING

Reigen: You don’t have to yell.

Guard: I hope you got some good rest. Reigen: I left just in time to catch the very last bus last night. You saved me.

Guard: that’s good.

Reigen: Actually, today I’m...(he gets interrupted)

Coworker: Reigen! I was looking for you!

Reigen: Sen...Senpai!

Coworker: I can’t find the data report you were supposed to transfer over. I hope you didn’t shred it.

The guard tips his hat at him as Reigen is pulled away

Guard: Alright, I’m headed out

Older Guard: Okay, thanks again for covering my shift

He leaves. A while later Reigen comes by.

Reigen: Hey

Reigen: Where’s the other guard? the guy that’s at the door every morning....

Older guard: Oh, he finished his shift and went home.

Reigen: I see. I’m sorry but could you please......

Guard: Didn’t sleep last night. Guess I’ll go home and take a nap.

His phone rings.

Ah... hello?

Yes, it’s me. It’s been a while. Do you have a minute?

Sure

I have a job for you

Yeah?

It’s a security contractor for a facility on the outskirts of the city. It’s some kind of government thing or some kind of corporate research lab. I don’t have a lot of details, but either way, you’d need security clearance.

We just need some discreet people that wont open their mouths. I think it’s a good fit for you.

I’m sorry, but I’m busy with my current job.

Is that so? Well the pay for this position is very nice. I can pull some strings andf offer you a cash advance if you were to accept. Please think about it.

He hangs up

Thinks: Nah, I’m good, I’m looking forward to seeing him again.

-The Next Day-

Employee: Oh god I’m late!

Guard thinks: I didn’t see Mr. Reigen today. He’s never missed work. Did something happen?

Older guard: Oh hey, I’ve got something for you.

Guard: huh? Energy drinks and a card for the lobby coffee shop? The card has “Take care of yourself!” written on it.

Older guard: The guy with the light hair left them for you. He said it was too much trouble to take this stuff home, so he said you could have them.

He walked out with a box, I think he quit.

Oh, I see.

Life was dull once again, like it had been before.

TO BE CONTINUED

“God help the Girl“ is an odd title, but it’s actually a song from 2017 when this was first written. It’s about a person working a day to day job just to pay the bills. Their life is so mundane and dull that only supernatural or divine force will make it something different.

This comic is an attempt to explain why Ekubo always possesses that one guard in fanworks.

#reigen arataka #Reigen #mp100 #mob psycho 100

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defdaily · 3 years

Text

BEAUTY+ Magazine May 2021 issue featuring JAY B: The Second Act

Translated by defdaily

Among the past, present, and future, which do you think about the most?

The present. I believe that the present is the most important. The future makes you worry constantly, and the past makes you regret constantly so I try not to think about them. Now, I try to make decisions I won’t regret.

Do you think about your current state and things you want to do?

I contemplate a lot about the state of my emotions or what to do in my current situation. Ever since I was young I thought it’d be good to live like the flowing water, tranquilly. You know how water changes its state based on its surroundings. I want to be someone in the free water-like flow.

Has your life until now been like free-flowing water?

My life itself may seem spectacular, but I think the flow of my life itself has been. There was a lot I was lacking in since debuting with GOT7 but I tried my best to show a colour suitable for GOT7. I changed myself according to the container I was in, and instead of being stagnant in one place, I think I flowed here well.

You seem to be careful with choosing an agency. What factors are you contemplating about?

I think about whether I will suit the company. It might be tiring for others to see because I’m so meticulous, and I may seem selfish but I think that I should be selfish right now. My future depends on it as well as the future of the company I will be going to. I think I will have to be selfish for both sides to produce good results.

The members showed their natural sides in the Encore music video. Looking back to 7 years of GOT7’s activities, what is the most memorable moment?

Since we’re performing artists, I remember a lot of moments on stage. 2-3 years ago in Thailand we performed our solo tracks for 7 days and then performed OUT all together as a group. I think a lot about how we were all so excited to perform. I think of those times we were together as seven.

What kind of team was GOT7? Judging as a leader?

The direction of GOT7 I thought of was a fun and free-spirited team. Since Look came out, I’ve been telling the company that we “shouldn’t try too hard to set the mood or look cool. Songs with a style like Look will be our strength.” I don’t think things turned out the way I thought they would. But as you can see from our last album’s song ‘Breath,’ it feels like we went in circles and came back to our original spot. There is some regret about how it would've been good to go more in that direction, then we could’ve shown a more solidified colour. But as a result, it’s a fact that we became a team capable of pulling off various colors.

Did you make those suggestions thinking about the members, because you thought it was what set you guys apart from other groups?

I talked a lot with my members. It seemed like they had the most fun with bright, fun, and chill performances. With performances like that, we think about harmony rather than how each of us can look cool. It leaves a greater impression on the fans when we are visibly having fun.

It seems like the public has also watched over the growth of JAY B. Starting as a bboy to a main vocalist, and writing many remarkable K-pop songs. You also played a huge role in establishing GOT7’s colour. What led you to grow and develop in that way?

I thought that if I felt like I wasn’t growing, then I should quit music.

Does liking it not serve as a reason?

Because it’s my job. Being able to do what you like as a job is something to be grateful for. But if my skills don’t meet the standards and if there is no growth despite my efforts, it’s only right to do it as a hobby. I didn’t think that there was no growth when listening to my music. I thought it could work if I tried a bit more.

What was a song you feel like you reached a new level?

‘Teenager’ and ‘PAGE.’ I think the team’s color was completed with those songs. It helped me realize that I had the potential to write such songs. At first, I was persistent with sticking to my musical color. Later, I changed my thoughts and decided I should write songs suitable for GOT7. It’s something I should obviously do as a member of the team. I think that’s where ‘Teenager’ and ‘PAGE’ lined up very well.

The album 7 for 7 containing ‘Teenager’ was a turning point for GOT7. Through that album, we got the feeling that you guys found your color and most importantly, the quality of the songs written by the members was great. What happened during that time?

I think that’s when our potential exploded (laughs). GOT7 had three turning points. The first was ‘Stop Stop It.’ We heard the song and thought “Wow, this is it.” But the outfits were a bit regretful. The music and the visuals didn’t really match. We wore overalls (laughs). The second turning point was when the Flight Log trilogy was released, and the third was ‘Teenager’ of 7 for 7. That song later led to ‘Look’ and we got to sing ‘PAGE’ and ‘THURSDAY.’ Then we suddenly tried to change our direction to ‘ECLIPSE’ and ‘You Calling My Name’ but eventually ended up back to ‘Breath.’

When you listen to ‘Look’ or ‘PAGE’, do you feel like GOT7’s musical colour reflects your own preference and style? And you’ve made many GOT7 songs with ØFFSHORE crew.

It’s hard to say it wasn’t reflected. But according to my standards, they are songs I wanted to write for the team. I talked a lot with the crew about what (kind of song) should GOT7 do and what would suit GOT7. ‘Look’ was a song that was released because the mood suited GOT7 well. After that it was ‘PAGE’ and ‘THURSDAY’. Our colour was included naturally.

The 8 members of ØFFSHORE are consistently releasing albums. How is that taking place?

We talk about what we feel and decide on a theme whenever we want to release an album. When we decide on a theme, each person would write songs relating to the theme, we select songs and release an album. The themes usually come up as we are talking casually about life. For example <Scene 1> contains the process of leaving on a trip until coming back. Rather than the lyrics, the moods of the songs are like that. When you start the trip you listen to fun songs then (we) get a little calmer as the trip comes to an end. I organised the order of the songs for <Scene 2>. When talking with friends, you usually start by talking about work then you talk about life, the future and then you end up talking about love and relationships. I organised it as that kind of story. There is no specific goal. We spend the revenue from albums on production for the next album. Because everyone in the group are people who make music, there are things that were settled music-wise through these promotions.

You must have been influenced by your friends a lot not only musically, right?

Yes, of course. Regarding life too. I listen to what my older brothers/friends and my parents have to say. I think about the stories of the people who experienced it first once again. One older friend said “We are not doing this for a huge goal, don’t get stressed and let’s just make music.” When I was pondering about how to do better, I heard that and it hit me. Should I say, those words painted my life with colour. I felt like working with energy and strength didn't suit me at the time.

Is it true that you have made 3 albums? Do you only work on songs every day?

Yes. I usually stay in the studio when I can't do my hobby. And since the people I meet are friends who do music too. I don’t know if I can release an album but I’m preparing and working on it.

What kind of albums are they?

In the past, I made powerful “performance-type” songs, but for this album the mood is calmer and the sound is minimal. There is an acoustic feel too. There is a soft tender album, a sad album and a melancholic album too.

Where did the desperation come from?

The desperation of life. I can’t talk about it in detail but there was a topic I really wanted to talk about when I made the album. It could become an album that people frown upon. But, for the music I do alone, I thought I should include honest stories that match my situation.

Did you write about the pain and difficulties you’ve felt all this time? On the surface, you seem to be a recognised leader of a successful idol group, but you must have faced difficulties.

Yes. It’s one part of my life too. Looking back, the difficulties were caused by my own tendencies rather than external factors.

Is it because of the perfectionism you push onto yourself? It seems like the uncertainty and fear contributed to creating your current self.

Yes, I’ve never thought of myself as a perfectionist but people around me often tell me so. They must have a reason for saying that so I ended up acknowledging it myself. I was really ambitious with GOT7 too so I felt a lot of disappointment and stress. I work hard because I know if I don’t, it’ll come back to me as regret. It’s okay to look back to times when I didn’t know well enough and think, “I should’ve done this, I was naive.” What I hate is doing just enough because of reasons like lack of stamina despite knowing what I need to do and knowing that I’m not yet satisfied.

Until now, you’ve made music with the name Def. and through the JUS2 comeback, you also let us hear dreamlike songs from a baritone. Escaping from the category of idol, you now need to create a new identity – is there a kind of music you would like to do fresh?

It’s hard to say it rashly now but, whatever I do, I want to do it properly and solidly. I do prefer a relaxed and easygoing mood, but when it comes to music genres, R&B, hip hop, urban and pop will definitely be the groundwork. However, I do hope that my image will not be fixed to one (genre). It’s no fun to keep doing the same kind of music. And I’m sure there are times when I’ll have to become a little wilder. It’d be great if (I had) a free image. I also hope it’s an image that I won’t be embarrassed of. After coming to a new company and releasing an album, if it doesn’t do well, I think it would be right for me to leave.

Aren’t you fearing failure too much? How would it be possible to achieve what you wish in one go?

Of course, I’m scared. I’m very afraid of failure. Naturally, it won’t be possible to succeed in one shot, but I do have the standard of my Maginot line*. That is what I am referring to. I am usually the type that thinks of the negative things first. It’s not good to be unprepared for the worst-case scenario.

*Maginot line – taken from the fortifications that created the French line of defence, now coming to mean “a defensive barrier or strategy that inspires a false sense of security”

You’ve said that GOT7 has not disbanded, however since all the members are under new companies, coming back together as GOT7 will not be an easy thing to achieve. What kind of method are you thinking of?

I’ve talked a lot with the members. It’s our goal to write one song each month for GOT7. If it’s 1 year, then that’s 12 songs. All our members write songs, so if each one of us does that, then we can accumulate a lot of songs. Everyone is in different companies which will have their own situations, so I can’t make promises for certain, but our goal is to release one album every year. It would be great for that to happen, and I personally think that it should happen. Because that is the minimum courtesy we should show to our fans. It would be even better if we could have a stage.

It would be a new concept.

We heard that the release of our song ‘Encore’ was in an unprecedented manner, and this made my sense of duty and responsibility bigger. Because the steps we take in the future could influence the direction that others may take in the future too. I thought it was the end, but it’s only just the beginning,

Amongst your many hobbies, is there anything you would like to recommend?

Camping. Activities such as setting up tents and cooking really make you think. Even just sitting down in a chair surrounded by nature is really great. Waking up to the sounds of birds singing is amazing; the sound of water running too. Recently, I bought a folding furnace and create my own little fire space. It could be seen as something embarrassing but while having the fire there, if negative thoughts come up, I write it down and then burn it in the fire. If you think that camping may be tiring, glamping would be good too.

Since the name of the magazine is Beauty+, I wanted to ask, is there something that you thought was beautiful recently?

People passed by me laughing and making some noise, and as I saw that, I thought that laughter was something really beautiful. I realised why smiling and laughing is a beautiful thing. It’s not just laughing or smiling, but the emotions that encompass that are really so beautiful. Everything natural is beautiful.

Translated by defdaily.

#def.#jaebeom #lim jaebeom #defdaily:trans #got7 jb #interviewtrans #defdaily #jay b

153 notes · View notes

sevlgi · 3 years

Text

bubblegum pop

requested: no

group: twice

pairing: sana x fem!reader

genre: fluff

contents: rich girl!sana, college!au, cashier!reader.

warnings: none

synopsis: An unfortunately hostile encounter with the school’s sweetest rich girl might just lead to more than you ever expected.

a/n: inspired by @pearicot‘s mean girl rosie series! (by the way, i’m not trying to feed into the “dumb sana” stereotype with this; i just thought that her personality fitted the character i was trying to achieve! does anyone wanna request continuations or scenarios in this universe 👀

word count: 3.3k

Something about Mondays the week of finals always got you in a bad mood, especially when you had to work double shifts at the same stupid ice cream shop you’d worked at for the past 2 years of college.

So maybe, just maybe, there was reasoning behind you snapping at the love of your life during your first meeting.

Actually, there really, really wasn’t.

There were plenty of mean girls on campus who you wouldn’t regret yelling at whatsoever, but you just happened to blow up at one of the considerably nicer rich girls.

Minatozaki Sana didn’t mean anything bad when she innocently held out a hundred dollar bill to pay for a $5 ice cream. She didn’t mean to seem pretentious, nor did she mean to mock you and your minimum-wage job, but you just so happened to take it that way.

“Really? You have to rub it in my face like that?”

Sana stared at you, the money that she held out wavering in the ear. “Sorry?”

Pinching the space between your eyebrows, you huffed out an exasperated breath. Luckily, there was no one else in the shop about to witness the stupidest meltdown of your life. “You think I don’t know that I’m poor? It’s five dollars for God’s sake, no need to bring out the big guns. Oh, or are you doing this to avoid seeming more pretentious with your daddy’s black card?”

The brunette’s hand retreated quickly, the heels of her Louboutins clacking softly against the pastel-toned linoleum of the ice cream shop. Fuck, you hated that linoleum. “I... I didn’t mean any of that, I swear! Um, is there an ATM near here?”

Once again, the girl meant well, and you took it badly. You scoffed, glaring disbelievingly at her. Some part of you was screaming out that you were putting your entire job at stake, and your morals as well, but you disregarded any common sense remaining in your brain. “An ATM for 5 bucks? Dude, just don’t.” Dipping your hand into the tip jar, you scrounged out a lousy crumpled bill and threw it down on the counter, shoving the bubblegum-flavored sweet to Sana. “Okay? Now get out, I don’t want to see your privileged ass anywhere near here.”

The dense gray clouding your mind somehow missed the hurt expression on the girl’s face as the staff door swung open. Wendy’s hands, though gentle on your shoulders, shoved you behind her with surprising force. “I am so sorry, Sana, it’s finals week. Surely you can understand? The ice cream’s on the house.”

“No, of course it’s okay!” Sana sounded genuine enough, that was for sure; you caught her glancing worriedly at you a couple times, nothing malicious whatsoever in her eyes. “I can pay though, are you sure?”

“I’m sure. See you in class,” Wendy called out, smiling all the while until the girl disappeared into the Lamborghini parked by the curb. As soon as that happened, she turned back to you, concern tugging at the corner of her lips. “Y/N...”

“Yeah, I know,” you mumbled as you crossed your arms. Already, you were regretting what you said, though you were far too stubborn to actually apologize on the spot. “No arguing with customers about capitalism. Sorry, Wendy.”

The girl bit her lip, scanning the store to make sure that there wasn’t about to be an influx of customers. Usually she enjoyed working with you; you just had absolutely terrible mood swings sometimes, and those days were nothing short of hellish for her to deal with. “Just head home. Focus on your finals, and come back next week. Okay?”

You hesitated to agree, knowing that you needed the money, but the grim expression on Wendy’s face told you that you had no other option. “Okay. Sorry.”

As you snatched up your stuff and shoved the door to the street open, you missed the sight of Sana watching you through the tinted windows of her 6-figure car.

“Really? Sana?”

“I know,” you groaned, biting down on the plastic spoon in your mouth. The flavor of the month (the only one you could eat completely free) lingered unpleasantly on your tongue, the taste of it oddly salty. “She was so nice about it, too.”

Jeongyeon and Mina exchanged glances, not touching their respective cups of “Ocean Caramel” either. It was extremely kind of them to come and accompany you on the slow days, both of them even offering to suffer through the gross ice cream with you. “If it was Park Roseanne I might understand, but Sana,” Mina winced. Jeongyeon nodded in agreement; after all, everyone on campus knew about the reputations of Roseanne and Sana.

On one end of the “rich girl” spectrum, Roseanne was quite possibly the bitchiest one of all. She and her Bugatti Veyron, the college upgrade from her old McLaren, absolutely weren’t to be messed with. People who went to high school with you often told story of the G Wagon she smashed, the locker room she lit on fire, and so many other horror tales of a spoiled girl gone wild. You were sure that had you gone off on her, even Wendy wouldn’t have stopped you.

But on the other end, Sana was notoriously kind. Sure, her family raked in an income close to that of the other girl’s, and her wardrobe was just as expensive, but she made a point to donate to charities every time she went shopping. She tipped in the hundreds, and she didn’t ever ask for her designer clothes back when she lent them to strangers. She paid any dinner bill in full when she was there, and sometimes even when she wasn’t invited.

No one was entirely sure about the relationship between the two, but Roseanne seemed to hate Sana more than she did other people. The two fought publicly occasionally, but Sana’s kind heart made it so that even Roseanne couldn’t carry a fight very long. She didn’t respond to insults, it seemed, nor did she ever seem to actually take them personally.

Stirring her half-melted soup, Mina continued, “Hopefully she doesn’t hold it against you. She doesn’t seem like the type, but...”

Jeongyeon shook her head, opening her mouth just as the doorbell rang. You froze when you looked up to find a designer-dressed bombshell, a sweet smile outlined in Chanel Rouge Allure. She looked completely out of place amidst tired college kids spending their last paycheck on ice cream, white gauzy sleeves and blue dress shimmering under LED lights. If you were being honest, you’d say that she was the most beautiful person you’d seen in your life, but you were always well versed in lying to yourself. “Y/N, you better go.”

“Why?” you whined, pouting at your much more responsible friends. They ignored your puppy face, though; Jihyo was usually the only one you could sway, Momo sometimes if she was feeling merciful. “I’m on break.”

“Only when there’s no customers,” Mina argued, shoving you to stand. Jeongyeon smiled at you, waving you away. “Go, and don’t screw it up this time.”

You forced a smile onto your face when you reached the counter, bowing and adjusting your name tag. “Hi, what can I help you with today?”

“Hi, Y/N!” Sana grinned, bowing back. The fact that she remembered your name only made your guilt worse; if she forgot who you were, you could at least pretend that she didn’t remember the incident at all. “Ah, could I have the same thing as last time? Bubblegum Pop ice cream, on a sugar cone today. 3 scoops?”

Nodding, you moved to open the case, avoiding the girl’s gaze as you did. “Of course.” She was quiet at that, staring at the ceiling so as not to rush you. Without prompting, you blurted, “I’m... I’m really sorry about last week, by the way. I don’t know what I was thinking, blowing up at you like that.”

“Oh, no, it’s okay!” she protested, waving a manicured hand in the air. “I promise I understand you. We all have our bad days.”

You wanted to apologize again, if just to assuage your guilt, but you held off on it, joking, “How do you deal with them? Yell at Gucci assistants?”

Sana looked honestly offended as she accepted the cone proffered to her, eyes widening in shock. “I’ve never done that, I swear! Besides, I don’t like Gucci much.”

A light smile quirking at the corners of your lips, you handed the receipt to her as well. She didn’t ask for it, probably not caring about the measly price or having the space for it in her tiny bag, but took it anyway. “I’m sure you don’t. Your total is $5.23, will that be cash or card?”

“Cash!” She held out a 10 dollar bill, pride shining behind that gorgeous face as you raised your eyebrows in surprise. When your hands brush together, you were reminded of how much better she was than you, how you probably weren’t worthy at all to be touching her with your shop-issued baseball cap and grimy apron. But Sana doesn’t seem to mind, still smiling that airy smile at you and not moving away. She broke your stare by offering, “I don’t want to sound rude, but keep the change.”

“Not rude at all,” you fully laughed that time, dishing out the remainder to stuff in your tip jar. You still felt terrible that she felt the need to apologize about such a normal comment, asking, “Are you sure it’s okay? You can have this one free too, if it makes up for me shouting at you...”

Sana shook her head, sugary light pink already mixing into her lipstick. She walked away, still waving with that gorgeous smile on her face. “It’s okay. I’ll see you soon, Y/N, you look really pretty today!”

Turning back to your friends, you whispered, “Damn. She’s really nice.”

You planned on spending your one day off from school and work cozied up with a good book and your favorite hot drink, but you supposed that getting into a fight with Park Roseanne wasn’t the worst way to go either.

As soon as you entered campus, book in hand and blasting music in your earbuds, you found a crowd of at least 3 dozen people right in front of the library building. It was unlike you to butt into others’ business, especially when it might lead to a ruined day, but Roseanne’s voice carried loud over the hushed whispers of everyone else. “--huh, Sana?”

It wasn’t any of your business, but for some reason, Roseanne’s tone when saying Sana’s name angered you immensely. Frowning, you shouldered your way through the crowd. The closer you got to the center, the more expensive the clothing that brushed against your own rough jean jacket was, cotton and leather becoming silk and velvet. You originally planned to just fit in with the other spectators, but with a shove at the small of your back, you were thrust into the center too.

To your shock, Sana’s eyes were red and shining with tears, the tip of her nose cherry-colored as well. Her head was almost bowed as she stared at her shoes, but she looked up to you when you almost bumped into her. You stuttered out, “H-hey. What’s going on?”

Instead of an explanation from the Japanese girl, though, your gaze was drawn to the blonde across the courtyard. “Didn’t you hear? Little Miss Perfect here got broken up with,” Roseanne scoffed, an infuriating smirk on her perfect face as she tilted her head at you. “By a future CEO, no less. I guess she isn’t a gold-digger, or maybe there’s some other reason that he didn’t want her anymore.”

Your hand shot out to protect Sana, a scowl making its way onto your own face. “Excuse me? From my standpoint, any future CEO is still way outta her league, so forgive me for doubting that he’s the one who didn’t want her. You’re the one dating someone who makes a tenth of what you do.”

Roseanne rolled her eyes, lips thinning. “Don’t talk about my girlfriend like that, Y/L/N, or you’ve got another thing coming. There aren’t many lesbians in this damn school.”

“You know me, don’t you?” Sana’s voice was wavering as she spoke, but it was strong enough to echo in the courtyard. To your surprise (and somewhat satisfaction), the blonde girl’s eyes widened as Sana stood forward, her lips jutting forward. “That’s why I’m not dating him anymore. I like girls, too.”

Somehow, you’d never expected that Sana was attracted to girls, but it made perfect sense. An irrational part of you wanted to cheer, but instead, you forced yourself to speak.

“R-right.” You continued to glare at Roseanne, who finally seemed to be speechless. “Yeah, so how come you’re tearing Sana down? We should be supporting each other, but you’re being so rude to someone so kind, and that says all I need to know about you.”

Reaching out, you latched onto Sana’s upper arm and pulled her out of the circle, people parting to let the two of you through as Roseanne wasn’t able to conjure up something to respond with. You didn’t stop walking until there was only silence surrounding you under the shade of a swaying tree, finally stopping to let the girl sit. “Are you okay?” you asked, brow furrowed as you knelt to be mostly face-level with her.

Somehow, there was a smile on her face; a slightly snotty smile, but nonetheless the most beautiful one you’d ever seen in your life. You ignored the uncomfortable leap of your heart when you reached out to take her hands into your own, somehow forgetting about the hostility you’d felt towards her from the beginning. “You- you stood up for me.”

“Yeah. I did, I guess,” you shrugged, smiling slightly. “I’m sure that was rough, though, to come out. How’re you feeling?”

“Honestly, much better,” Sana sighed. She leaned back, fingers curling slightly around yours as the afternoon sun shone golden brown in the locks of hair spread out on her shoulders. “It was good to get it off my chest. I didn’t even know you were into girls, you know.”

Reaching up to scratch your head, you chuckled, “Well, I am, if it makes you feel any better. What happened between the two of you, by the way? She seems to hate you so much.”

The girl laughed, as bubbly and airy as her regular voice. “I may or may not have dated her girlfriend before. But it was a long time ago, and I’m still friends with her! Roseanne just can’t forgive me.”

You feigned shock, swatting at her arm. “How terrible of you! I’m so disappointed.”

You were stuck simply smiling at each other for a good minute or so before you looked away, picking at your shoelace for something to do. “So. Uh, Roseanne knew the whole time?”

“She did,” Sana confirmed, nodding. “She just never talked about it.”

“Well, it’s good to know that she isn’t the only other one in the school with me,” you sighed, sitting back on your heels.

Sana lurched back forward, hands clasping together at her chest. “Then we should celebrate! We can go shopping or something, and we can just be happy that we aren’t alone anymore.”

It suddenly struck you how quickly you could change the girl’s entire outlook, a smile coming onto her face with no effort from you whatsoever. But even more surprising, you smiled even larger than she did just looking at her.

Laughing, you sat back on your heels and shook your head lightly. Seeming to take it as a rejection, Sana’s eyes widened. “Oh, only if you want to, of course! We can go wherever you want, we don’t even have to go shopping if you don’t want to!”

“No, we can go shopping,” you answered, reaching back over to squeeze her hand and pulling her up with you when you stood. “Come on, then. Let’s go celebrate.”

Sana wasn’t a great driver, but you didn’t expect much else. You were practically sick to your stomach by the time that you reached the mall, face green as you swayed out of the car.

“Ah, Y/N, I’m sorry!” Her hands rubbed lightly at your back as you squatted in the parking lot, fist held tight to your mouth. It wasn’t like you were actually going to throw up, but you didn’t want to risk ruining the girl’s expensive shoes. “I’ll let you drive next time.”

Next time? you wanted to ask. But you managed to stand, nodding quickly to ease Sana’s worry. “Yeah. It’s fine, I’m fine. Should we go?”

Immediately, she latched onto your hand, swinging between the two of you as she started to rush forward. “H-hey, lock your car first!”

Sana had unsurprisingly expensive tastes, but also surprisingly understated ones. She was fun to shop with, that was for sure- she loved to offer you clothes and also to offer to pay for them, but you didn’t necessarily hate a pretty girl telling you you’d look gorgeous in a certain sparkly dress.

She didn’t do any of the typical stuck-up things you expected her to- Sana carried her own bags, and she never forced you to follow her instead of doing what you wanted to. She did like to try on outfits and show them to you, but that could be ignored when it was just another opportunity for you to stare at her.

Eventually, you ended up having ice cream at one of the stores in the mall. You balked at the price, but Sana swiped her credit card without hesitation. “I have to admit, this bubblegum doesn’t taste as good as yours,” she pouted.

Chuckling, you savored the rich flavor on your own tongue. “You should’ve picked an expensive flavor then. Vanilla and chocolate are always good in these kinds of stores.”

“You know a lot about ‘these kinds of stores’ for someone who claims to be poor,” she teased, eyes widening as soon as the words slipped out of her mouth. “Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean-”

“Nah, it’s fine,” you smiled, leaning on your palm. “I’m good with it, since we’re friends now.”

Sana grinned at that, her eyes curving charmingly. “We’re friends? Most people don’t want to be friends with me, I’m really glad you’re willing to.”

“Why wouldn’t they?”

Looking down for once, the girl mumbled, “They say I’m dumb. You know that everyone says I’m nice, but they also think I’m dumb because I pay for everything. I just want to be kind, but no one takes me seriously.”

A wave of guilt rushed over you for previously feeding into the stereotype. The more time you spent with Sana, the more you realized that she was as brilliant as any other, and far more kind. “Well, that’s stupid. You are kind, Sana, and you’re amazing. I’m lucky to be your friend.”

She clasped your hand over the table, soft skin warm over yours, pink flushing in her pale cheeks. “Thank you, Y/N. You know, this is the best time I’ve had in a while. My boyfriend didn’t even listen to me this well,” she laughed.

Despite the fact that she treated it as a joke, you felt horrible. She was all too used to thinking the worst about herself and not believing that she was worth any better, and that was the worst possible thing you could imagine for a girl with a heart of gold. Jabbing your spoon into the remaining ice cream, you blurted, “Then go on a date with me. A proper one, not just a normal hangout like this.”

Sana instantly blushed, looking down as if it’d hide her face at all. But she missed the heat that rose to your cheeks too, the nervous biting of your lip as you waited for a response. “I would love nothing more,” she smiled, her eyes shining brilliantly. “And I can’t wait.”

454 notes · View notes

alisonsfics · 3 years

Text

Change Our Fates (Part Four)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: Y/N has always been head over heels for Spencer. The team decides to go out for drinks after finishing a case. When Spencer drunkenly kisses Y/N, will it change her life for better, or for worse?

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: Some brief mentions of cheating and hooking up, and a whole lot of fluff

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 5

You were getting ready to head into work. You checked the clock and realized you were running late. You grabbed your shoes and ran into the living room to grab your work bag. You quickly slid the shoes on your feet and grabbed the bag with your empty hand. You made sure you had your badge and you looked down, making sure you had everything.

You had been so elated when you came home yesterday that you forgot to set your alarm. Last night, you had finally made up with Spencer. Nothing could bring you down, you were on cloud nine.

Then, you heard a knock on the door. You quickly ran over to the door, hoping it wouldn’t take too long. You were already late and you didn’t want to make it any worse.

You opened the door and saw the last person you expected. It was Hotch. He was just standing there. He looked exactly the same as the last time you saw him.

You were surprised to say the least. “Hotch? Hi, it’s been so long. How are you? How is Jack” You said, stunned. He gave you a small smile. “I’m okay. Jack is doing great, how has Human Services been treating you?” He asked you, sincerely.

“It’s been good. It’s nothing like working at the BAU. I miss you guys so much, but I learned to roll with the punches” You told him, honestly. You still had no idea why he was here. “That’s good, I knew you would do amazing there. You’re great at your job” he complimented you.

You appreciated it. You knew Hotch didn’t give compliments often, so you learned to embrace it when he did. “Thank you sir. And with all due respect, is there a reason you’re here? It’s amazing to see you and catch up. But, I feel like that isn’t why you’re here” you asked him, curiously.

He chucked to himself. “Well it’s good to see you haven’t lost your touch as a profiler. I came to talk you to about something related to the Bureau” he told you. You tried to read his expression, but you couldn’t tell if this was bad or good news.

“I’m actually really late for work right now. Is there a way we could discuss this maybe at lunch today? I have an hour off for lunch” you suggested, not wanting to get fired. You saw Hotch smirk to himself. “This is about work” he told you, minimally.

You were even more confused. “What do you mean?” You asked him. He paused for a second. “When you left the BAU, we hired a replacement to fill in your spot. But she is being transferred to the New York office. So we have an opening. And I spoke to your supervisors and they have approved your transfer if you are willing. You can have all the time you need to think about it” he told you.

You were blown away. This was an amazing opportunity. Working at the BAU had been the highlight of your life. You loved helping people and you got to work with your best friends.

“I don’t need any time to think about it. I would love to work at the BAU again. Does any of the team know yet?” You asked him, curiously. He shook his head. “No, I didn’t tell them. Just in case you declined, I didn’t want them to get disappointed” he told you.

You couldn’t get rid of the grin on your face. “I can’t believe this. Thank you so much” you said, sincerely. “Of course. You were my first thought when looking for a replacement. Now since you accepted, it is effective immediately. I can drive you, if you want” he offered. You nodded. “Yes of course, that would be great” you said, smiling.

You both walked outside and got into the SUV. Hotch started to drive towards Quantico. You noticed Hotch had a specific look on his face. You could tell he wanted to ask you something, but was hesitating.

“Just ask me” you told him, bluntly. You could tell you startled him. He didn’t think he had been that easy to read. “About you and Reid...” he started to say. Then it clicked. He was worried that you two still weren’t talking and that it would jeopardize the team.

“No, you don’t have to worry about that. We’re friends again. There is no more fighting, I promise. We aren’t going to jeopardize the team like that again” you swore to him. Hotch looked over at you. “I was just asking because I was worried about you two. I saw you two become best friends. You both are better together than apart. I wasn’t worried about you putting the team in danger. I know neither of you would ever do that” he told you.

Then you pulled into the Quantico parking lot. It felt good to be back. You both got out of the car and walked inside.

You were a mixture of nervous and elated. You were finally going to see the team after four years, but you were nervous for their reactions. You both walked into the bullpen and you felt the familiar sense of home.

You didn’t see anyone at their desks. If you knew your friends like you definitely did, they were getting coffee in the kitchen. You decided to go see if Penelope was in her office. You walked into the doorway.

You saw the blonde sitting at her desk, typing away. “Hey babygirl” you said, purposefully lowering your voice and you leaned against the doorframe. Penelope spun around and her eyes lit up when they saw you.

“Y/N!” She exclaimed. You walked over to her and she pulled you straight into her arms. “It’s so good to see you. It’s been too long” she said, holding you tightly. You could tell she was smiling, you had the same huge grin on your face. You both pulled away from each other.

“So what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?” She asked, as you both sat down. You could hardly contain your smile. “I’m back, Garcia” you said, smiling. Her jaw dropped. “You’re back, like in the BAU back?” She asked you, shocked. You just nodded.

Before she could say anything, someone appeared in the doorway. You both looked over and saw Derek standing there. “Hey Garcia—wait Y/N?” He asked, genuinely shocked. “She’s coming back, Derek” Penelope said, hardly able to contain herself.

Derek processed what was happening for a second. “That’s amazing. Come here, little mama” he said, walking towards you. You stood up to give him a hug. “I’ve missed you so much” you told him, honestly. He wrapped his arms around your waist and then picked you up off the ground.

You giggled as you felt your feet leave the ground. “It’s so good to have you back” Derek said, as he squeezed you tighter. He finally placed you back down on your feet. He gave you a quick kiss on the temple.

“So who knows?” Penelope asked you, curiously. “You two and Hotch. He showed up at my front door this morning” you told them both.

“Well then, come on! Let’s go say hi to everyone” Derek said, putting his arm around you and Penelope followed you both out of her office. Once you entered the bullpen, you saw Emily was at her desk. JJ was sitting on the side of Emily’s desk and they both were talking.

The three of you walked over to them. “Y/N, you’re here?” JJ said, in shock. She stood up and gave you a quick hug. “So what’s going on? Did you want to visit us because we are all amazing friends?” Emily joked, causing you to giggle.

“Not exactly. I just thought you should know that you’re going to be seeing me a whole lot more” you told them both, smirking. You saw both their faces light up. “Wait, are back in the BAU? That’s amazing” JJ said, smiling at you. “That’s great news. Why didn’t you tell me before?” Emily asked you, curiously. “Well, I only found out this morning” you said, giggling.

“You need to go talk to Reid, he’ll be so excited. I think I saw him making a cup of coffee. Go see him” Penelope told you, smirking. They all agreed and smirked at you. Even after all these years, they were still shipping you and Spencer.

As you walked away, you heard Emily telling the rest of the team about your conflict between Spencer and Trevor. You didn’t mind at all. It was easier, now you didn’t have to tell all of them.

You walked into the kitchen. You saw Spencer standing there, pouring obscene amounts of sugar in his coffee. “A little heavy on the sugar, huh?” You asked, smiling.

He eyes snapped up to meet yours. He was at a loss for words. He didn’t expect to see you here, this morning. “I—uhh hi. Is something going on?” He asked you, sincerely.

“Oh nothing much, I just got transferred back to the BAU, no big deal” you said, nonchalantly. Spencer just stared at you. He was trying to figure out if you were kidding. He didn’t know what to believe. “Please tell me this isn’t a joke” he said, almost to himself.

“It’s not a joke, Spence” you said, softly. He rushed over to you and wrapped his arms around your waist, tightly. You couldn’t help but smile. You felt him nuzzle his face into your neck. You didn’t complain. You had missed your hugs with Spencer. You subconsciously started rocking back and forth. You always used to do that when you were comforting Spencer.

“I’ve missed you so much, Y/N” Spencer said, softly. “You don’t have to miss me now. You’re not going to lose me again” you promised him.

You started to pull away, but Spencer stopped you. He put your arms back around him. “Not yet” he whispered in your ear. He relaxed back into your embrace. “Are you okay?” You asked him, concerned.

“I’m okay, I’ve just really needed this” he said, softly. You couldn’t agree more.

You both finally pulled away. “So you’re really back?” He asked, still in shock. You stepped closer to him and placed your hands on his chest. “Yes, I’m really back” you told him, smiling.

For a split second, you saw Spencer’s eyes glance down towards your lips. You almost thought you imagined it. Did Spencer really want to kiss you?

Before you could do anything, someone came in the room. You looked over your shoulder and you saw Rossi standing there “Come here kid, I heard you’re back in the BAU?” Rossi said, stepping towards you.

You pulled away from Spencer and Rossi pulled you in for a hug. Rossi was like a dad to you and it had been hard to not see him for four years. “Yep, I’m officially back” you told him, smiling.

“It’s good to have you back, kid” Rossi said, as you both pulled away. “It’s good to be back. I’ve missed you all” you said, gently placing your hand on Spencer’s arm.

“So are you two finally together?” Rossi asked, clearly not being up to date. Both yours and Spencer’s eyes went wide. “No no no” you said, quickly. “Y/N, is uhhh—engaged” Spencer said, sounding disappointed.

You looked over at Spencer, trying to see if you made up the disappointed tone. He just gave you a weak smile. “Well I’ll let you kids get back to your conversation” Rossi said, leaving the room.

“Sooo” Spencer said, stalling. “What?” You asked him, curiously. He fidgeted with his hands for a second. You took his hands into yours, knowing it would calm him down.

His eyes met yours and he smiled at you. “So, I know you said no yesterday because you had plans. But, maybe you could stay over tonight. Tomorrow is our day off anyway” he suggested to you, timidly.

“I would love to. You don’t have to be nervous to ask me to hang out. We’re still best friends” you told him, honestly. He breathed a sigh of relief. You found yourself getting lost in his eyes.

“We should probably go get started on our paperwork. We don’t want Hotch to fire you, before you’ve even started” Spencer joked. You giggled to yourself and you saw his cheeks flush red. “Come on then” you said, grabbing his hand and pulling him with you, into the bullpen.

Everyone was back at their desks, doing their work. You sat down at your desk, which was next to Spencer’s. It felt good to be back, it felt natural.

The day went by super fast. You had spent all day getting caught back up and doing paperwork. You finally finished your last form and you leaned back in your chair. You were mentally exhausted.

“So are you ready?” You heard someone say behind you. You turned around and saw Spencer standing behind you, with his bag over his shoulder. “Yeah, I’m ready” you said, standing up. You tidied your desk and grabbed your work bag.

“I have never been more exhausted” you said, as you both started to walk towards the door. You leaned your head on Spencer’s head as you were walking. It seemed to shock him, but he put his arm around your shoulders.

“You don’t have to come over tonight, if you want to go home and sleep” Spencer told you. “Are you kidding? I’ve been looking forward to this all day” you told him, feeling content.

It scared you how much you and Spencer acted like a couple. It made you question where your true feelings stood. You had been trying to figure out if you were over Spencer. And you still couldn’t come up with an answer.

“Bye you two” Derek said, smirking as you both walked past him. “Awww it’s so cute to see them reunited” Penelope said to Derek, who she was standing next to.

“Bye guys” you and Spencer both said. You got to Spencer’s car and he opened the door for you. “Thanks Spence” you said, kissing him on the cheek. You hadn’t even realized that you had done it, until you saw him start to blush.

Before, Spencer and you had always been very touchy. It was just a part of your friendship. You were always holding hands or hugging. But you had both been single. You weren’t sure if you were supposed to act different because you were engaged. Was all the hugging and touching you had done wrong?

It wasn’t like you were kissing him or making out or anything. It was just friendly, so was there an issue? Would Trevor be okay with what you were doing? You assumed he would be, Spencer was one of your oldest friends. You figured Trevor would understand that.

Spencer started to drive and eventually after fifteen minutes, you were parked in front of Spencer’s house. He once again rushed to open your door for you. You thanked him and you both went inside.

You both set your bags down by the front door. Spencer turned to face you. “Can we still cuddle?” He asked you, unsure. You thought about it for a second. He didn’t know if you both could still cuddle, since you were engaged. You both were trying to figure out this friendship 2.0.

“I don’t see who’s going to stop us” you said, smiling. You didn’t see the harm. It was just cuddling. A smile grew on his face. He leaned over to you and hugged you. You wrapped your arms around him. Then you felt his hands on the back of your thighs. “Do you want me to jump? You asked, giggling.

“Mm-hmm” he mumbled. You jumped slightly off the ground. Spencer held you up and you wrapped your legs around his torso. “This is new” you said, pulling slightly away from him, so you could look him in the eyes.

“Well it lets me hug you” he said, smiling at you. Spencer had never been this touchy before. Normally, the cuddling was started by you. You just figured it was because he missed you.

Spencer walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. You still had your legs around his torso and were now in his lap. “So how about I order Chinese food from that place you like?” Spencer asked you. You nodded and buried your head into Spencer’s neck. You were so sleepy from the long day of work. Spencer felt warm and cozy to you.

It was taking all of your effort to not fall asleep on him. “Are you tired?” He asked you and you just nodded. He used his hands to rub circles on your back. It only made you relax more.

You started to doze off as Spencer got out his phone to call the Chinese restaurant. About twenty minutes later, you woke up to the smell of Chinese food. You looked around and you saw you were in Spencer’s bed. He had tucked you in. You smiled to yourself at the sweet gesture.

You got out of his bed and walked into the kitchen. He was standing there putting the food on plates. “Oh, you’re awake” he said, shocked. “Yeah, I’m sorry. I was just so tired after today” you explained. “You don’t have to apologize, you’re allowed to be tired. You fell asleep on top of me, it was actually kind of cute” Spencer added and you felt your cheeks heat up. You felt like this conversation was heading somewhere it shouldn’t, so you changed the subject.

“The food looks really good” you said, eyeing the dishes. “Here’s yours” he said, handing you a plate. You both walked into the living room. He quickly turned on the television and you watched it as you ate.

You finished before him. Once you both were done, you brought the plates to the sink and washed them. You came back into the living room.

You held your hands open for a hug. He opened his arms and you crawled into his lap again. You wrapped your legs behind him and you both just held each other. It felt weirdly intimidate.

“So is it time for bed?” Spencer asked you. You nodded your head. “Yes please” you said, softly. He stood up carefully so he didn’t drop you.

Spencer started to walk towards his bedroom. Once he got there, he laid you down on the bed. In your sleepy state, you forgot to let go of Spencer. So, he fell right on top of you.

Neither of you knew what to do. He was laying on top of you in bed, and you were both a bit flustered. “I — umm. I’m sorry” he said, rolling over so he was next to you. You felt so embarrassed.

You both got under the blankets. You felt a warm hand placed on your side. You looked over at Spencer. He pulled you by your hips so you were pressed up against each other. Spencer laid on his back, and you rested your head on his chest.

Slowly but surely, you both started to fall asleep. While you were asleep, both yours and Spencer’s legs became entangled.

You woke up in the morning. You felt rejuvenated from a good nights sleep. You realized how close you were to Spencer. You were practically laying on top of him.

Then, you noticed that you felt his arm wrapped around your waist, holding you close to him. You were about to move when he woke up. “Hey” he said, while his eyes adjusted to the light. “Hey you” you said, smiling.

He realized how closely you both were laying and he started to blush. You both separated and then got out of bed. “So did you sleep good?” He asked you, as he started to make the bed. “I slept perfectly” you said, as you walked over to him.

You looked up at him and he pulled you into a hug. “Would you mind giving me a ride home?” You asked him. “Yeah of course” he said, giving your hand a squeeze.

You found your shoes and slipped them on your feet. Once you both were ready, you grabbed your stuff and you both walked to Spencer’s car.

It was a relatively quick drive to your house. Spencer pulled up in front of your house and you looked over at him. You got out of the car and he walked over to your side.

“Come here” he said, holding his arms out for you. You gladly accepted and hugged him back. You both lingered longer than normal. “I should get going” you told him, pulling away. He grabbed your hands and you felt butterflies in your stomach. “I had a really good time last night, Y/N. So I’ll see you at work tomorrow?” He said to you.

“Yep, I’ll see you at work. Thank you for last night” you said, sincerely. You kissed the back of his hand and then you walked up to your front door. You waved to Spencer as he drove away, and then you walked inside.

You saw Trevor sitting at the kitchen table, drinking his coffee. “Where have you been?” Trevor asked you, seeming concerned and stressed. You had totally forgotten to tell Trevor that you were spending the night with Spencer. All last night, it just felt like old times and it slipped your mind.

“I was sleeping over at a friends house. I’m sorry that I didn’t text you. I was just super tired last night” you apologized. He just looked relieved that you were okay. “So did you and Emily have a fun time?” Trevor asked you, sincerely.

You hesitated. “It...it wasn’t Emily” you said, wanting to be honest. Trevor looked unsure of what to think. “So who was it?” He asked you, confused.

“I was at Spencer’s place” you told him, hesitantly. “Who the hell is Spencer?” He asked, since you had only brought him up a few times. “He's my best friend. We were in a weird fight when I met you. We hadn’t spoken in four years. But, we just recently made up and I’m back working at the BAU with him. I just hadn’t gotten to telling you yet. Please don’t be mad” you apologized.

“I’m not mad. I just wish you told me” he told you, honestly. He walked over to you and you saw his expression change. He just stopped dead in his tracks.

“What?” You asked him, confused. “Come here” he said, as he stepped closer to you. He leaned his head in towards your neck and he smelled you. “Why do you smell like his cologne?” He asked you, trying to not act mad.

You panicked. It seemed worse than it actually was.

“I uhhh...I don’t know” you lied. “Y/N” Trevor said, getting frustrated. “Before you get mad, we’ve always been super close and we’ve always cuddled. So we may have slept together. Not like actually...but like in the same bed” you explained, nervously.

Trevor put his head in his hands. You could hear him sigh in frustration. “Please don’t be mad” you begged him. “I think I’m allowed to be mad. You stayed the night at some guys house. You claim he’s your best friend, but I’ve never met him. And you come home smelling like his cologne. You say that it was just friendly, but how do I know? You both could have hooked up, I wouldn’t know. What if you just made up that you’re friends and you’re actually just sleeping with someone” he argued.

“I’ve mentioned him before. I know I told you about the fight I had with Spencer. I wouldn’t lie to you about anything. And I would never cheat on you, I can’t believe you would think that” You said, walking out the front door.

You sat down on the front steps of your house. You wrapped your arms around your knees, after you realized how cold it was. You heard the door open behind you and then Trevor was sitting beside you. “Look, Y/N I’m sorry. I got insecure, but I think that is understandable. I just need to ask you one question” Trevor told you.

“Anything” you told him, leaning your head on his shoulder. “You don’t have any feelings for Spencer, right?” He asked you, you could hear the insecurity in his voice. You turned to face him.

“I used to, years ago, before I met you. We have a complicated past and there used to be feelings there. But, Spence and I are just friends” you told him. He sighed and put his head in his hands.

“God, I can’t, Y/N. Spence? Look at it from my perspective. You sound like you’re in love with him. Please just promise me there’s nothing more there” Trevor begged you. “I swear, we’re just friends. I am all in with you” you promised.

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