#but i still feel so much guilt

[birdsong-warriors]

I don't want to talk about this much, but it may affect page uploads.

Saturday night, I was assaulted and strangled by my brother. This is not the first time he's done this, but it was severely excalated this time. I deserved it. Honestly, I wish he'd succeeded so nobody would have to deal with my shit anymore. I'm still very much in crisis mode, and I'm so sorry if I disappear. I'm praying I can continue working despite the situation, but this may warrant a short break.

I'm so sorry for any inconvenience this may cause, and I'm even more sorry I'm bringing this up at all. I need to stop talking from now on, honestly. I just wanted to communicate why I may poof. I don't know. I'm scared, and I can't do this. But I have to keep going.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

#abuse mention #im not so afraid to use that word now #but i still feel so much guilt #it must have been my fault #im a screw up #all i ever do is ruin things and bring people down #anyway sorry ncksncjd #not cat #important #notice #i cant do this #i cant #ask to tag #suicidal ideation #im so very tired

[skin-slave]

I wanna say something and all I ask is that you read the whole thing before burning me at the stake.

There are always horrible things happening. There are always ppl who are suffering and dying. There are always corrupt politicians. There are always human rights violations. There are always tragedies. There is always misinformation and exploitation. War is always looming on the horizon or busting in the back gate. The world is always fucked up.

That fact does not mean that the lives affected matter any less than our own. It does not mean that we don't do what we can to help. It does mean that we cannot afford to put our lives on hold while a horrible thing consumes us.

I'm sure that, if your parent/sibling/partner/best friend had a medical emergency, you would gladly do whatever you needed to do to be there. I'm sure that you would sacrifice sleep, skip meals, call in to work, and be by their side until they were stable. You can afford to do that when those emergencies are infrequent and relatively brief.

You cannot do that with the world's emergencies. They are not infrequent. They are not relatively brief. You have to sleep, eat and shower. You have to pay your bills. You have to survive.

Daily life goes on.

It feels unjust. Of course it does. How can you possibly go about the mundane like nothing's going on? You Don't. You go about the mundane like there are horrible things happening. You make the adjustments you can sustain without sacrificing your well-being. You make drastic changes for as long as you can, when you simply can't take it anymore, and then you step back, take a breath, and go grocery shopping. You have to. If you don't, you won't survive the horrible thing.

No one who is going thru a horrible thing wants you to self-destruct. There's so much good you can do over the course of your life if you maintain that life. Adding your name to the list of casualties will prevent all of that good from happening. You have to survive.

And that includes the things that seem optional, bc those things aren't actually optional at all. You need to laugh. You need to watch movies and love your pets and go for walks. You need food that tastes good and clothes that make you feel confident. You need that show you'll regret not seeing. You need to get takeout and take naps. You need to have the weight lifted frequently, so you can heal the parts of you that get worn.

If you aren't living as well as you can, while making adjustments you can afford to make, you will not survive.

Please survive.

#zesty take #i guess? #idk i just feel so sad #theres so much guilt going around #so much judgement of ppl for continuing to live #the horrible things are constant and overlapping #if we waited until they were over we would starve in every way #survival btw isnt just breathing its living as well as you can #if you only chuck gas in your car when you abdolutely have to and put off the maintenance and cobble it together when it needs a real fix #it may still turn over but it will not be able to function well #pls do not buy into the bullshit that gas is enough and if you do any more youre selfish or evil or whatever #it is not true

[genericpuff]

vent post

#and before anyone who hates my shit says “yeah because you ARE a loser way to have self awareness for once” #i promise you this would be me with or without the LO fandom LMAO #anxiety is a hell of a thing #and as much as i internally guilt myself into thinking it would be better if i just shut up and hid away forever #i also know that's the trauma speaking because the adults around me always told me to shut up #and even as an adult i still encounter people who talk over me and make me feel like i'm not allowed to be outspoken #but the pen is mightier than the sword and all those years i've spent being spoken over i've been honing my penmanship #i have fun talking about the things i talk about and i don't have any less right than anyone else to do it #i am cringe and i am free #self post #vent post #altho on another note i do wanna make time this week to go find new series to read #too many of my favorites have turned to shit and it's taken its toll #i KNOW there are better comics out there that are genuinely well made #i already have a few that i'm reading that i love but i need to balance out the good with the bad more lol #i just need to take the time to go find good stuff instead of pouring so much of my attention into the bullshit that doesn't deserve my tim #i think both things can be true #i can have a lot of fun dissecting and writing about series i don't like #while also nourishing myself with good works that restore my faith in this medium #“perfectly balanced as all things should be”

[daily-hanamura]

#p4 #persona 4 #hanamura yosuke #yosuke hanamura #EVERYDAY IM HOWLING. EVERYDAY IM SCREAMING. #for context this comes at the heel of yosuke charging at mitsuo kubo in rage because of his flippance towards killing saki and he's hit har #but souji and kanji jump in to protect him #like ok a lot of things going on here such as the obvious OH MY GODDDD yosuke being yosuke and taking things on for himself #because he doesn't want to bother people?? because he's made it his own responsibility? because his survivor's guilt is still lingering? #i mean don't tell me he doesn't look at how he surrendered to his shadow like apart from his self-sacrificing propensity #i low key feel like everytime yosuke demands answers about saki's death from the murderer/god/etc there's this undertone of how #he would rather it have been him #he cheapens his own life so much and for what #BUT ALSO!! ALSO!! not just souji jumping in because we know he would he's down bad for yosuke BUT ALSO KANJI #listen you've all heard me talk so much about how i adore kanji yosuke friendships #i can't really tell whether it's kanji or souji that says “haven't we earned your trust yet” but it's a line that hits SO HARD #regardless of which one of them was saying it and i think it hits hard in slightly different manners #it's kanji's admiration and how he looks up to yosuke and how he wants to be closer to yosuke as a friend/kouhai/whatever you want #tatsumi “who's your partner now!” kanji has so much respect for yosuke he wants yosuke to rely on him too!!! #and this stands out because kanji is very conscious of social hierarchies and such but as a kouhai as yosuke's junior #he's so specific about wanting yosuke to treat him as an equal #i smtimes feel bad for kanji because he has a bit of that vibe of a poor puppy trailing after souyo because he wants to be in their convos! #he wants to be included! but critically he also just! wants them to SEE him!! #going a lil off tangent but i think kanji's attitude towards souji is very much one of kouhai respect like he understands his place #of like deferring to souji or getting advice from him and just generally regarding him as a reliable mentor #and it's the same with chie and yukiko? but idk man. with yosuke. guys. with yosuke i always feel like kanji wants to break that hierarchy #that convention. that social norm. to cross a line and be closer to yosuke. #he's more willing to tease yosuke in a way he doesn't with the other 2nd years. and this isn't coming from a place of disrespect either #AGAIN. KANJI REALLY LIKES YOSUKE. he wants to protect yosuke!!! he jumps at the opportunity for yosuke to rely on him!! #i'm getting delulu but there's those hints of “yosuke senpai i want you to see me as a man!!!” kind of energy here and i'm it's yknow hmm

[bigkickguy]

some daan marcoh doodles around some dialogue bits I hit in game haha - gave me some thoughts on how one could think of daan if you only bumped into him at certain points? I don't remember the lines exactly but there were a few like this? 'Are you moving on? I guess we'll split ways here.' 'Someone has figure out how to treat these people...'

'You were very heroic stepping in there.' 'In the dark, your thoughts can really get to you out here...' 'Am... I... still a good man? Or...'

#fear and hunger #daan fear and hunger #marcoh fear and hunger #kickdraw #daanmarcoh #keep getting dialogue and I feel like if you only saw certain parts of Daan he seems like a very noble doctor figure #trying to research/avenge his dead almost(?) wife - staying behind to diagnose the villagers #meanwhile marcoh has like only killed one guy and is trying so hard to be a good person but is sinking in that Guilt #if daan stepped in on the marcoh held at gunpoint bit - I feel like it would fit Marcoh's lines about 'being heroic' or whatever #maybe he would be comparing himself to him - like 'im not a good man cause thats what a good man looks like in this situation' #and later when marcoh has a reality check he has to be like ... oh.... he's actually like this... huh #I feel like daan would hate it if anyone thought of him like this hakfjghadfg - but that makes it crunchier in my mind :) #daan starts looking much less like a tragic romantic protagonist when he is bickering with the party and getting dunked on #this weird image leaves the second you take both of them into the sewer and daan just starts complaining at him about the smell too often #sorry marcoh your fantasy protagonist man only exists in your dreams :) I think he'd still like him after getting a more realistic view tho

[chirpsythismorning]

S5 opener REAL

#byler #will byers #stranger things #every season besides s4-5 opens with non main characters #for el we got a flashback of the lab followed by her perspective in the scene directly after #and I think for Will we will see something similar #with us getting the flashback of him in castle byers in the UD #followed by him in the present in the scene after #but what exactly would warrant that memory being brought up in association with Will in the present? #mayhaps his connection to the mindflayer and the UD run deeper than we realize… #it’s likely not something he could just rid himself of in s2 and now he’s all good #he literally still feels a connection to everything he is feeling #that means he is still technically at risk of being the spy in some capacity #the massacre at Hawkins lab also was a guiding force for El discovering the ‘truth’ in s4 #so it’s likely for Will this instance will operate in a way that re-contextualizes the events in the past up to now #like that time Will suggested they go to the hospital in s3 only for the flayed to be waiting for them #or how flayed Billy knew they were at the cabin… #all while Will was looking cryptic as hell in that scene watching over el #or the fact that he picked Billy in the first place the season after he focused on Will… #you know.. williams #I think the easiest way to introduce the castle Byers flashback is a dream honestly #specifically a dream within a dream #seeing that recent leak and Will looking like either he has a black or hasn’t slept in days #is giving very much ‘I am afraid to sleep bc I’m scared of what will happen’ #I think dude is not exactly possessed in the sense that we already saw in s2 with like the particicles #but he’s still vulnerable #the door is still ajar… #no but fr this idea of opening a door in your mind was so blatant in st2 AND s3b of teen wolf #I think a big part of it will be guilting Will over the fact that Will has helped him before without Will telling the others #hence his weird vibe in s3… like he’s already successfully fucked with Will post s2 potentially with us being none the wiser aka here we go

[wttcsms]

horribly short summary of what im trying to accomplish here, but if you were to read a fic featuring character, a soldier honorably discharged and is officially off the battlefield and yet he can’t seem to shake off the war from clinging to his body, and he’s basically a bit of a mess and feels incapable of returning to ordinary life and there’s you, the sweetest thing in the whole world, and he keeps trying to tell you he’s no good and you’re there to help him with everything (and it kills him a bit, to see you wasting your time to help him, and it kills him because he feels like he shouldn’t be the type of person who needs help) and !! just slowburn and falling in love and just read the tags for the vibe ok, who would it be for

#i was originally thinking ghost from cod since hello there’s so much source material to work with #and the fic would suit him nicely but also idk if i have cod readers left on my blog #so any characters are fine like an aot character would also prob fit the bill for this #but ive just been thinking abt everyone who’s analyzing hozier’s snippet #with how he takes his coffee black and his whiskey neat and how this girl is too sweet FOR HIM #as in… not being deserving of something so nice #and feeling that way but also showing how in the healing process - in the process of getting better - #we start to discover that we are allowed to enjoy and indulge in nice things. that we also deserve to live a life full of sweetness #and it’s a bit serious since it will touch on ptsd; on survivors guilt #and the fic is long - spanning from getting together to him having kids w u #& how even after all this time sometimes the war is still fresh as ever on his mind #and just !!! it’s a lot #also that Taylor line that’s like ‘is it really your anxiety that keeps you from giving me everything? #‘or do you just not want to’ + ‘you wouldn’t be the first renegade to need somebody’

[sinnbaddie]

I don’t understand why Kishimoto never added Kakashi having thoughts about Gai when he died in the pain assault. It’s like he doesn’t want his relationship with Gai to have depth but then adds all these interactions and feelings that show how much he means to Kakashi.

He thinks of his dead friends and family, he thinks of Konoha 11, but he doesn’t think about his longest and biggest support? Not even a passing thought?

Might Gai is Kakashi’s best friend and rival, he isn’t a nuisance to him and he doesn’t think he’s less than him. Their relationship has substance and evidence to show how much they care about one another, im sick of Kishimoto and his constant need to diminish it then prop it up and then diminish it again. How can he be so inconsistent with relationships and character writing??

#kakashi hatake #might guy #maito gai #pain arc #kakagai #not even shipping in this instance just their canon relationship atp #I get Kishimoto probably didn’t think that far ahead in the series because so much of their dynamic is explained later #it aggravates me that Gai’s support is constantly made minuscule in reference to others #Gai - the one who was their since he was 5 years old and immediately supported and cared for Kakashi #Gai - the one who Kakashi has leaned on so frequently that he’ll pass out after Gai arrives because he knows he’ll handle it #yeah I’m glad he showed appreciation for his support after the pain assault #but it still irks me real bad that his relationship w Gai is diminished #ESPECIALLY in favor to Obito who he wasn’t even truly best friends with and only carried his legacy out of guilt #Gai IS Kakashi’s true best friend and rival and I’m very happy it’s expanded on later #but it doesn’t take away how Kishimoto centers Obito as his best friend and biggest influence #I’m not taking away from his influence at all but I’m angry that everyone thinks Kakashi’s relationship w him is so deep #compared to Gai #I feel it always comes back to the fact that everyone thinks Gai is ugly and a joke #anti kishimoto

[suntails]

I’m going to paint you a picture of modern communication, and how it is fundamentally broken.

Let’s look at one friend. You chat pretty much everyday, and mostly talk to this person on twitter and discord, with occasional tumblr DMs. That’s three places you talk. But that’s actually not true, because you also have each other’s priv twitters and talk there as well. That’s four. Now account for, let’s say, one post reply per account per person, in addition to your DMs. That’s eight. But that’s ALSO not true, because not only do you talk in discord DMs with each other, but you’re in a friend group server as well! And you talk in those channels together! That’s nine.

This is one friend.

Now look around you. How many friends, how many mutuals are you in contact with. A few, a handful, a dozen, more? How many accounts per person do you have, how many places can you send each other posts, devolve into separate topics and conversations? How many people text you as well. Friends, family, coworkers? What do you do day to day around catching up, what IRL commitments will rip you away long enough to let the pile build again?

I can’t do it. I cannot live an actual life in the real world and balance this much interaction, it’s crushing. I reply to a friend’s post because I’m interested in the subject, I want to have a discussion! I WANT to talk about it with them, but I immediately kick myself for adding another conversation to the pile. Day by day, I ignore messages for hours on end and watch mountains pile around me, to reply en masse at the end of the night to let the cycle repeat. I wake up to six discord DMs and as I clear the third, the first replies back again.

We weren’t meant to have thirty simultaneous conversations. We weren’t. And you know in your bones that the number isn’t an exaggeration.

#hush catríona #this is essentially copy pasted from my twt last week but made a touch more coherent #iiiii spiral about this pretty regularly. i think this is the 4th or 5th time ive gone on this spiel bc its agonizing #i feel horrific guilt for ignoring messages for so long. and its absolutely voluntary. but i cant FUNCTION like this i cant DO it #i have friends where we talk Every Single Day and i LOVE them so much. so unfathomably much. but it KILLS me #hell take my roomie for example. one of my fav ppl in the world. we text- twit dm- discord dm- ig dm- reply to posts. thats five right? #i guess!!! but we also LIVE TOGETHER. i see them in real life and talk to them out loud with my voice and its still this much to add on!!!! #and i feel like nobody else talks abt this shit and it makes me feel crazy. am i the only person completely debilitated by this??? #i dont want this to come across as like ‘boohoo we get it ur sooo popular’ that is NOT what this post means #i think a lot of ppl big acct or small. fandom or otherwise. talk to a dozen ppl online. and i dont get how anyone copes #this is agony. and every single time i ever make a post? its another opportunity to add to the pile #i only reply to comments on posts on twt and this is why. i cant DO it i cant keep up. i see every tag and im so grateful but i cant ever #reach out. i cant add to the pile. theyre already taller than me

[carnation-damnation]

Is it really miscommunication if there's no communication at all?

#sketches #sonic au #I Was a Teenage Werehog #sonic's immense guilt over hurting someone he cares about vs shadow shutting down as to not worry anyone. fight !!! #shadow and sonic are established partners in the au. not much changes about their dynamic lmao #but when sonic finds out he bit shadow as a werehog he feels so much guilt. he doesn't hurt people. that's not the kinda guy he is. #and shadow is still in denial that he can even be infected #He was created to be a beacon of hope and a cure to an incurable disease. but if he's infected by sonic's condition..there's self doubt #Anyway. someone give these poor kids some weighted blankets godamn #Was way to lazy to write all those words out man.wrist hurt #Sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #sonadow #anyway goodnight honk shoo honk shoooo if they're off model no they arent

[spacedlexi]

the way the ericson group were at the outbreak just a bunch of troubled kids who made various mistakes or committed crimes and were judged by a system that punished and abandoned them instead of giving them the support and love they needed, are then nearly a decade later put into a situation where now they must judge a troubled child for the mistakes and crimes hes committed against them. and 5 to 3 vote them out 😭

#twdg #i love the way s4 connects back to lees whole 'murderer' thing back in s1 😭 guilt...atonement.....systems of punishment #i love thinking about s1>s4 themes and crying #anyway this is partially why i hate when i see the ericson cast reduced down to 'just some teens' its so much more than that #them being abandoned in a boarding school for troubled kids is SO IMPORTANT its not 'just some school' #anyway its also probably why theyre my favorite cast #theyre literally one of if not the most mature group of the series even while being a bunch of kids who make choices i dont agree with #because they actually love and care about each other. even when theyre mad. because theyre all they have left #i do think the vote was a fair way to handle it even tho i still ultimately find it cruel. they couldve talked it out #but this is still a story that needs conflict to resolve so is what it is #they would rather they leave than have to face their confused feelings. the most immature thing they do. but understandable #they did such a good job crafting that cast for clem GOD an entire ensemble built around her and aj....delicious #zombie/post apoc media about love and community my beloved 😭 #sorry but get tf out of here with that 'humans are evil and everyone dies' lame ass bullshit we are nothing without community #the amount of love pouring out of s4 is like getting my ass kicked but then they give me a big hug and kiss after and send me on my way #s4 my absolute beloved i really love it more and more every time. so much to appreciate even with it the way it is #the themes bro the themes........ the connections between seasons 1 and 4 you are everything to me #it speaks

[cobaltfluff]

Arajin observation notes so far:

- good reflexes? (dodging the trip in ep1)

- strong enough to hold up Matakara??

- is the punches to Matakara's kicks :3c

Kid was definitely serious about becoming strong back then 😂

#bucchigiri?! #watch and yell #spoilers #honestly i think arajin is still very strong on his own #but he's likely hampered by fear and his sense of guilt #also might tie in with the best friend stone and how he feels like he doesnt deserve it?? he probs still has it tho #i am SEEING the VISION #everybody loves Arajin except the one person who he wants to love him back LMAO #ALSO THE VERY END OF THE ENDING SONG?? #WILL EVERYONE GET TO DO THE HEART POSE??? #this feels so old school in such a good way i love it SO MUCH #also i am glad i was right that WAS matakara's brother #now why is he in jail(?) is the real question #running theory that arajin feels responsible for it #maybe big bro was protecting lil bro when arajin ran off and it got serious #something like that? #i am thinking way too hard about this #but I NEED TO KNOW

[saturnniidae]

'To Catch a Changeling' was the first episode where Jim actually kills someone (not counting goblins), and I've always wished there had been some kind of focus on the moral ramifications he experienced because of that.

Because there's no way he just went from being unable to kill a gnome, a creature considered a common pest, to killing a person with no afterthoughts other than: "oh man! I killed our only evidence of changelings in arcadia!"

Though I guess he could've just been doing a shit ton of compartmentalizing as well as justifying it to himself with the fact she was going to kill both him and Toby. But still, there's no way he didn't feel at least somewhat guilty.

#despite the fact he quickly learns to see trolls as people rather than 'creatures' #i feel like theres definitely a mental dissonance when it comes to killing them #because it's opponents that either explode into dust or turn to stone and crumble upon death #conpared to human deaths which are much messier #and much more traumatizing to a child than #again #opponents that literally turn into statues and crumble #but still I'm having a hard time believing he just killed that changeling lady and immediately moved on #without any kind of lingering guilt #tales of arcadia #wish we got to see the mental toll being trollhunter had on jim more in general #there is no way this kid isn't severely traumatized #but thats what fanfictions for ig #trollhunters #jim lake jr #also this is going off memory so i might be wrong abt her being his first kill #Moth.txt

[transmascutena]

thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder

#akio and utena #m #long ramble in the tags sorry: #the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human #he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims #he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry. #and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios #(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think. #like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her #i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing #not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that. #and i obviously don't think he “loved” her in any of the ways she might have thought he did #but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her? #whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway #idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims #the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it? #how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions. #(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protégé relationship is horrible and abusive #but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.) #when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her #but is there something genuine there too? i don't know. #again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me. #on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had #reflected back at him through her mean anything? #is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid. #either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over. #i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways) #but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly #wants you to analyze and think about. #which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.

[sysig]

Now that they can, would they want to spend a lot of time together? (Patreon)

#Doodles #Adventure Time #Fionna and Cake #Simon Petrikov #Marceline #Hhhh I feel so bad for both of them 💔 #Obviously Simon misses her since she's like the one tether he still has to ''his'' time - they were both born before all the Everything #And I'm sure Marceline misses Simon too but like - even this Simon isn't ''her'' Simon. They met when he was already affected by the Crown #They clearly love each other when they see each other when Simon is as much himself as he can be! #But I can't help but wonder if it would be painful to spend time with this sad lonely magicless man - and how guilty that would make Simon #He wants to still be a part of her life! But how much of himself does he even have to offer now? #And the guilt would go round and round - she sees it in him and he sees that in her and they just both feel bad! #I really can't blame him for being a little emotionally closed and her being distant - they're not who they were #With all that said I still really love their dynamic <3 They're /not/ who they used to be but they've still got such an interesting relation #I think in the moments that they do have together where they're both trying to be good for each other Marcy would really push her humour ♪ #She's got 1000 years of silliness to get out of her system to her bestie! I'm sure she's got the material hehe #Even if he still sees her as a little girl - I mean that just adds to the joke if she says something a bit blue lol #I don't think he'd actually keep the sharp teeth - it's more of a visual metaphor of how Marceline sees him in these kinds of moments #It's hard to leave it behind!

[waterberry-strawmelon]

just gonna go ahead and say this in advance—

if Riz does indeed come out in junior year, and he says, “I’m ace” or “I’m asexual” when referring specifically to his lack of romantic attraction, aromantic people are allowed to be upset about it.

#because yes of course some people irl say ace to mean both bc that’s how they personally identify #but in fictional media the distinction is necessary. especially with how few canonically aromantic characters even exist in ANY mainstream/ #popular media. #I assure you I’m not invalidating anyone who is ace and they mean that to include lack of romantic attraction. #But to look at this from a MEDIA PERSPECTIVE its irresponsible to do this w/out clarification that they also know the word aromantic exists #because otherwise that’s just a conflation of asexual and aromantic without any nuance #and an erasure of aromantic people who are not asexual. #Plus—name a single fucking time a character in mainstream/popular media has said the word aromantic. #Because I can name several instances where they say asexual. But I can’t think of ONE where they say aro or aromantic. #(Maybe that Isaac kid does in season 2 of Heartstopper? But I haven’t seen it so I’m not 100% sure.) #anyways. #the way this fucking fandom—and ANY fandom with a canon aro character—discusses the aromantic spectrum #is blatantly just to remove their own personal guilt for shipping that character with other characters and erasing their orientation. #because yes aromanticism IS a spectrum!! But when people talk about fabriz and say ‘he can still be ace!’ (Which is aro erasure) or #‘he can still be aro!’ They never SHOW riz still being aro or having any kind of complex relationship with romance. #I’m angry and I’m allowed to be. #I get that a ship you liked may be hard to let go of or something #But I’d be much less mad if all the fabriz fans said ‘yeah I know Riz is aro in canon and he and Fabian would never get together. #I just like to imagine it sometimes in fiction/fanon!’ Then that would be a WHOLE different conversation #Because then they’d at least be acknowledging that riz doesn’t feel romance in canon. That fabriz is something that actively #Goes against the canon characterization of one of those characters—and that’s fine. Just fucking ACKNOWLEDGE IT. #But most of these people either WANT fabriz to be canon/believe it WILL BE canon #OR I guess feel uncomfortable confronting the fact that they ARE erasing riz’s aromanticism so they don’t even acknowledge it at all. #fhjy #fantasy high #d20 #dimension 20 #riz gukgak #aromantic riz gukgak #fhsy