#but i didnt know when itd happen

[purplepixel]

So.

I read issue 44 of idw.

#i am not ok #its one thing to read fanfiction of stuff like this #but its another to be like #this got published #they did that #SCREAMS #ok i knew this day would come #cuz ive been spoiled with that panel #but i didnt know when itd happen #or in what context #and omg the climax of this arc was chefs kiss #master chess happening everywhere #but i got tipped off with ONE panel a couple issues prior #where i went #are we going there? #does that happen in this arc???? #and like everything leading up to this had me screaming #whenever he told his brothers he loved them thats when all my doubts left #and i was like OK IT DOES HAPPEN HERE #and than after that they slam you with foreshadowing after foreshadowing #and than that fight scene #HELP #this mustve been insane for someone who never got spoiled #it hurt me even tho i knew #I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT SO NO SPOILERS #ok i might know something but still #volume 6 arrives tomorrow for me #writing this at 3am #pixel blurbs #tmnt idw

[floorpancakes]

ok but im rly into the idea of till having a new era that brings the light back to his eyes and drives him forward if he gets to escape the arena. idk where he'd go from there but i want to see ivans sacrifice both haunt him and drive him to actually live his damn life after being the captured bird refusing freedom cause of mizi. once he knows she's alive with the resistance he might be able to actually experience other things and widen his world and if that happens and he puts his personal sense of rebellion towards the human cause OR settles into finding some other way to feel fulfilment that isn't a single person that could be deeply fascinating to me i think

#alien stage #ramble #idk #till alien stage #as an xxxholic fan i want to see caged birds fly and all the fear and loss and grit and progress that comes with it #till era would be so fucking fun #especially when characters r built arnd one person or one goal or something you want to see them find new things to suffer or thrive abt (?) #random inconsequential thought imagine till hooking up with hyunas besties and they become a resistance throuple #idk i just want till to experience the wider world as the one that was the most restrained by his heart AND literally #cause even compared to the other anakt kids he suffered so much in those damn buildings and labs #i wanna see him freed and what that means for ivans legacy as the person who was unseen but someone who both contributed to and desperately #tried to stop his pain and confinement no matter what #honestly the thing i wanna see most rn off the top of my head is #till coming to terms with what he knows and sees about ivan now #no matter how he feels about it i think ivan wont be forgotten that easily #i want to know whats going thru tills head rn immediately in this moment #cause this snapped him in some way and he is acutely aware of things he didnt even notice before #while handling the mizi desth thing #that he assumed was happening #if he is assumedly saved i want to see the explosion that is knowung mizi is alive #knowing ivan is dead and how ivan felt #and knowing he has a way out of the cage #because its a triple whammy #i want to see his brain exploding in real time thinking abt all these things #and what sort of person the revelations will make him become #also i want to see mizi and till have like an actual conversation cause itd be a wildcard especially right now

[st4rstudent]

I've had this idea for a while but everytime I actually gave it thought, I'd get frightened last minute. But anyways, with summer coming up (and more free time), I've been considering making an ask blog of sorts just for fun. Does that seem like anything anyone would be interested in

naturally itd be more hc based because well. heh. looks around. gets scared

#clemramble #we all know who itd be centered around .okay. im being kind of vague but we All Know #i was originally thinking about doing it when a lot of the ask blogs were popping up. i actually have a sketch of an introduction post #...but then i got swarmed with classwork and never did it + i didnt think thered be much interest #and then i was going to make one during winter break but got distracted and never did either #so i figure with ~2 months of free time id be able to at least get it started IF i wanted to #ofcourse i want to see if theres interest first. if there isnt then no hard feelings or anything. i want everyone to be hashtag honest #i also skipped out on it bc if i got even the tiniest detail wrong i wouldve just logged out and never came back online #joking. im joking #anyways i wouldnt really have a story or anything to base it off of but there would be little events i think.. like takeover events #SNIFFLES. OKAYENOUGH OF THAT. #idk if i want to maintag this. i figure the only people who would be interested would be those following me so #the idea just keeps popping up in my mind. i figure worse case scenario i give it a shot and it doesnt really land #ive never run an ask blog before so if this does happen dont expect anything super professional okay

[aria0fgold]

Thinking more about my isat au and I'm gonna need to change a LOT more than I thought. First things first, Siffrin's connection to the wish. Since in Of gems and pages, all the wishes stayed the same. So why is Odile the one looping and not Siff? So basically, what I think I'd do in my au is that the Universe decided to change things up a bit.

The first time the Universe granted Siffrin the means to fulfill their wish, things went horribly bad (just look at Loop). So this time, the Universe decided to give this new Siffrin, something a lil different. They still gave Siffrin the timeloop But made Odile his proxy. So that Siffrin may have helpers in this new timeline, with Loop as the guide and Odile helping as well, it Should go better, right??? And since the wish is connected with Siffrin's emotions, the Universe can't just completely make it Odile's problem now, sooo basically... Siffrin can still remember Parts of a previous loop PRIOR to their deaths.

That means during the beginning of canon when Siff was crushed by a boulder, he remembers that. And found Loop as well, but when he accidentally ended up touching a tear, he now Doesn't remember being crushed by a boulder but by being frozen in time. At the same time, he ALSO doesn't remember Anything else prior to it. So he doesn't remember that there's a boulder that can kill him by the entrance of the House, he doesn't remember Loop. All he remembers is that somehow, one way or another, he was frozen in time within the House and needs to be more careful with the tears. And because of the way that the loops affect Siffrin now is faaar too different than how it affected Loop, he can't go forwards or backwards in time. Siff will always awaken back in the meadow and Loop will always have to do their whole speech all over again (which would most likely annoy them immediately cuz why? Why is it so different now? Why can't this Siffrin REMEMBER?)

Odile on the other hand, remembers ALL the loops and finds a lot of discrepancies with Siffrin. It takes awhile for her to meet Loop and they get to talk to each other. Their meeting would be pretty... rocky at first. Loop still getting regarded as a stranger by Odile, Loop finding out that Odile is the one getting affected by the timeloop from their own selfish wish. Even if that Siffrin isn't them, it doesn't change the fact that they both made the same wish. Loop thinkin bout being such a favourite cosmic joke of the Universe that not only were they turned into This, one of their family members are suffering cuz of them. And she doesn't even recognize them. It'd be pretty hard at first too cuz Loop doesn't know that their appearance changed yet, there's no mirror. For Loop, they might still look like Siffrin, right? But Odile's reaction to seeing them says otherwise.

Anyway in this au, stage wise, Odile is the actor, Siffrin is the director, and the Universe is the audience. Book wise, Odile is the character, Siffrin is the writer, and the Universe is the reader. Why is Siffrin the director or the writer and not the Universe? That's because the timeloops are Still connected to his emotions, if something he didn't want to think about happens like, that argument with Bonbon (just as an example. I'm wondering if that'll still happen here considering that only happened because of Siff had memories of all the loops in canon. He doesn't have that in this au anymore), time would loop back still, so in a way, Siff Is writing how the timeloops go.

#aria rants #isat spoilers #isat au #of gems and pages au #ogap au #also why did the Universe choose odile? i like to think that the Universe finds her as being skilled enough to be able #to easily help fulfill that wish considering that she Was able to deduce the timeloop when given enough clues #at the same time. odile also seems to be both really close to siffrin (the fact that they go on secret quests before) #and far away from the party emotionally. odile doesnt regard anyone as ''friends'' and so convinces herself that theyre just colleagues #but deep down. she also knows how much she cares for everyone to the point of willing to do unspeakable things to anyone that #dares harm any of them. she cares so much but doesnt know the word to describe it. friends doesnt cut it. the idea of them #being like family to her hasnt crossed her mind yet when the only family she knows of and have is broken and incomplete (her mom left them) #so shes seems to be emotionally distant from them. she wanted to ask bout continuing traveling with the others but doesnt know How #the Universe sees that and thought that should there be anyone that can easily help siffrin then itd be odile. unfortunately #for the Universe. they didnt quite expect siff being too closed off and dodgy in regards to his own emotions #so it still end up being difficult. even more so now that odile doesnt have the Full picture at all. she has no idea why #this is happening to her in the first place. she only knows it has something to do with siff and during the sequence #before new loop+ happened. the Universe most likely gave odile that chance both out of pity and hope that everything #will finally turn out better This Time. but because of the fact that odile Was dying and she exhausted her craft powers #she cant be brought back to the previous loops easily anymore cuz even if its still connected siff. her ability to be #brought back to loops hinges on craft power as well. siff is just the switch to it. so in a way. shes Supposed to be dead now #but the Universe heard siff's wish and granted the means to save odile as well as grant the previous wish he made #its just that such a wish cant be without a penalty. and that penalty is the timer on odile's life. they have only 99 tries left

[abyssalreds]

gege needs to retire his character death note and hand it off to asagiri i swear 😭

#my sister (misinformed) told me yuta died in the latest jjk ch and i was so nervous looking at leaks #bc its smthn gege /would/ do and i really like yuta #thankfully he’s fine he just made an appearance in the latest ch thats all #tell me why my first thought after was ‘man that was a thrill i wish new bsd chapters made me feel like this’ 😭 #my biggest gripe w. bsd will forever be how all the characters always come out of battles completely unscathed #nevermind the 500 injuries th​ey sustained #nobody ever dies or gets new battle scars or life changing wounds etc etc it kinda makes the stakes boring when you know the character will #be fine when alls said and done #and honestly this wouldn’t be problem for me if ! asagiri didnt deathbait so damn much ! #he’s allergic to actually killing off a character and thats how i Know fyodor prob isnt dead #and neither is sigma bc fyodors ability is still a big mystery and we need them to reveal it for us #bc asagiri never killed anyone major off in the main manga before its hard to believe that he killed these two off 🤷‍♀️ #and ig fukuchi but all those theories of him being the masked man at the s5 cliffhanger has me squinting suspiciously #tbh idc if its my fav character who dies if it’ll make the plot more interesting then send them to the gallows !! #(okay maybe not lucy but she barely gets any panel time shhh) #like i like fukuzawa but i also think itd be interesting to see what would’ve happened if he died in the battle vs fukuchi #bc the aftermath would be a change in status quo and it would’ve been interesting to see the change in dynamics in the ada and #how they deal w. his loss !! #on the other hand gege killing off his characters too frequently . . . doesnt rlly need an explanation #(jjk spoilers?) now w. yuta going up against sukuna . . . please keep him safe gege i beg 🥲 #anyways. enough rambling now to go back to shoving bsd to the back of my mind lol #ayra croaks

[killjoy-prince]

Manga and merch haul from today!!

#prince's talk tag #went to a street fair in the city and ate a bunch of expensive food but they tasted good so im not too mad #and then i hit up kino and bnn for books #bnn was doing their buy one get one 50 percent off so that made me get more than i was planning on getting #most of these are just the next volume(s) i needed to read #witch hat did have the first two volumes of cooking spin off but i wasnt sure how worth itd be #like my boys are the stars but last time i read a chill cooking manga i wasnt as into it and ended up dropping it #so im afraid of that happening here #the eclair series i was interested in bc its a bunch of yuri one shots and i only had bleue and blanche and didnt know there was more #so imagine my surprise when i saw two other colors and i think the first one before they started naming it after colors #i got scared for a second bc i thought i accidentally bought eclair twice but i was confusing it for bleue so there were no dupes #another thing i was surprised to find where the cds in the first pic #i have the osts of the og games but not their remakes so ofc i had to get them #i just need FES and Royal and im all set (i got reload's on mercari) #went back to the place i got the blind boxes and i was trying for Luka or Kaito and i got Wonderland Luka but Computer Len #im not mad i got Len bc he is my son but i do like how Luka's looks for it but theyre pricy so i didnt want to buy too many #now if i could wonderland!kaito and computer!luka id be happy #also did the gachapon machine and got a snow miku keychain which you can see on the book in pic 3 #its really cute i like it a lot

[spaghettiandart]

WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. A FNAF DAEMON AU WOULD GO INSANELY HARD.

(Rambling in tags)

#*opens up art app* #okay look. LOOK. i have it all figured out (no i dont) #william would have a bunny. because obviously. thematic stuff yknow. #i think michael would have a foxhound. like before his daemon settled it would usually take the form of a fox but after the bite... yknow #if the bite didnt happen it would have been a fox #vanessa's is a jackrabbit and gregory's is unsettled but usually takes the form of a lemur #now the interesting thing is that in some forms of media a daemon is a guiding spirit and in others its a manifestation of the human soul #now. bear with me here. #what if the animatronics from security breach gained daemons when they gained a certain amount of sentience. #what philosophical ramifications would that have in universe. #additionally: dead people. ghosts. their daemons would still hang around id think but not in the same form as before. #maybe the daemons are unsettled because the ghosts business is unsettled or maybe the daemons are more skeletal versions of animals #saying this because susie should still have her dog when shes in chica #cassies daemon would be unsettled but i think shes one of those middle school wolf girls. shell definitely have a wolf. look at her. #itd be hilarious to give CC just a giant bear in a future where he didnt die. #henry has a dog i can feel it in my bones he has a fluffy sheepdog #charlie... i feel bird energy. i do not know why. maybe something like a raven. death symbology yknow. #fnaf #not art #i should... write this all down #elizabeth and CC would unfortunately be unsettled when they die :( #elizabeth also gives me otter energy i do not know why.

[orcelito]

I've been following that AITA blog for a bit now and it has me thinking about my own life situations with conflict and drama. A passive "do I have anything I could submit to that blog?" But upon thinking about it, it's like... I really find no value in asking strangers whether I'm "the asshole" in situations. There are situations where I'm clearly not at fault, situations where I was a little shit but it was justified, and at least one situation where I have a definite "Oh yeah, I was definitely the asshole there". All in the past, so it's not like I'd even need advice or anything. I already know, so what's the point?

Maybe it stems from me being a generally self-aware and self-confident kind of person. I know what's going on with myself, know when I've wronged people, & I have a mentality of "well, I'll try to not do that in the future." Even if I feel a little guilty thinking back, what's the point of asking after something when I know I'm at fault? Or situations where things were complicated and both people had fault in things, but I know I wasn't being shitty on purpose & that's what matters to me. Ultimately, it results in a bunch of strangers drawing conclusions about things I really don't care about outside input on.

Still love reading the blog tho. There's something about reading up on random people's life drama that satisfies that gossipmonger soul in me So well.

#speculation nation #i think the most blatantly YTA thing id get is when i ghosted that guy i was seeing back when i was 20 or so #wasnt ever actually dating but i made it sound like i would. very much led him on. #then realized i just wasnt into cishet guys At All and dropped him out of nowhere bc i was 20 and didnt know how to deal with feelings #objectively it was a pretty awful thing for me to do. and i feel bad that i did it. #have i ever tried to reach out and apologize tho? no lmao #it happened so long ago now i feel like itd bring more animosity than relief anyways. #id like to think ive learned from it tho. Dont Date People Just For The Hell Of It. #god it rly is my romantic history where im the biggest asshole. my prior girlfriend too #i do feel bad about that. i never meant to hurt her but that sure is what i did. #it was better to break it off when i did. wouldve been better had i did it earlier but oh well. #then as a teenager and my whole fucked up romance life then... #but NO LONGER!!!!!!!! hopefully lol. im rly into my current girlfriend and after my last one ive been dedicated to. not do that again. #cant date people just because im bored. that's never ended well for me. #i learned my lesson this time for SURE!!!!! #anyways yea id say more constently id be The Asshole in these situations. but im only human man it happens. #other situations it's usually just fucked up situations with me being a toxic little shit in response bc it's all i knew. #idk. community voting doesnt matter to me. learning from my prior mistakes and shortcomings is what matters to me. #it's interesting to see the blog tho. people are insecure about some of the most trivial things sometimes...

[tinylittlebab]

stg i better loose weight in my thighs and not my boobs

#i like them how they r. and i also dont care abt losing much stomach weight either. itd be nice to see my ribcake more but im chasing the #thigh gap so id really like to lose it there. well i only have 10 pounds to lose before bmi is uncomfortable low so if im unhappy with it #(based of actual measurements and not my warped brain) then ill work on gaining muscle and losing fat instead #part of me wants to be >15 but that can lead to hospitalization and my family doesnt have the money for that. i used to bc i didnt care if #i died but now i dont wanna so id rather not have that happen even though i still kinda want it. i know i would hate it #well maybe ill make some goals to reach by my 18th birthday in june. im gna get a tattoo then another piercing and ill look so good if im #thinner then. i have a navel piercing and its gna look way cuter on me when im thinner :D

[strawberrycircuits]

wind waker ganon thoughts?

it has been. Checks notes. yeah ten years since i played wind waker so im very rusty on my ganondorf knowledge in that game ngl,,

i WILL say i like that they gave him actual, genuine motivation (that being to help the gerudo out of the desert) and i wiiiish they would SHOW THAT more OFTEN. an interesting note abt the triforce trio is how their roles almost always superscede their intentions or wants or situations and no matter what they do they always end up as knight, princess, or villain respectively. like. botw zelda wants to be a researcher and a scientist and puts so much energy into it bc she thinks theres no other way, but she ends up as the princess with the sealing power trapped with the villain anyway. oot link is just a kid who wants to do the right thing, but she HAS to be the hero with the sword, so shes literally made into one. i wish we had something for ganondorf like that-- like, it starts with wanting good things for the gerudo and negotiations and treaties, and it ends with him deciding to burn it all to the ground because he *has* to, its in his blood and its etched into the back of his hand just as much as link and zeldas roles are to them. and suddenly its not, "i resent hyrule for what they did to my people," its "i want all of hyrule to burn and suffer because its what it deserves." but nintendo is allergic to doing anything interesting or compelling with ganondorf so :/

#like in totk its implied he just flat out does not care about the gerudo at all. hes all the willing to force them into underground shelters #and plague them with sandstorms and undead hellspawn just to prevent ONE OF THEM from siding with link #idk maybe it wouldve been cool to like. go to gerudo desert. and see thst nothings plaguing them. At first. #and then u go to that big building that houses riju and the guards. and buliaria is standing in front of the chair #she tells you riju is unavailable and shell be back soon and that for now you have to answer to her #and you go into the guard barracks and you find out theres a search for riju that started with the upheaval and that #everyone is hiding the fact that they dont know where she is. and the quest involves link finding her and awakening her sage abilities #and in doing so we're told directly that ganondorf only attacked riju because he didnt want all of the gerudo to suffer when only one could #Its still ruthless. but itd give him a little character yk #and if nintendo wants to keep thar structure where a majority of side quests are locked until u finish the main one of an area. #Say theres like... a festival... and riju is crucial to it... and so a bunch of stores n shit are closed until she comes back and it happens #and in the meantime u can have merchants and teachers or whatever be like. My business will suffer if riju doesnt come back! #wherever could she be!! #idk they couldve done better than one throwaway line about 'i cant believe hed attack his own people he really is terrible huh. Anyways'

[lynxalon]

gamers i feel fuckennnnnn terrible ✌️

#hm. #like. this particular situation feels hopeless like i cant salvage anything #its like when glass cracks and u know its broken and dangerous and all it would take is one lil push #and itd just fall #like. i always wanna be someone who tries but. i always try until im raw and bleeding and worse for it #theres trying and theres not knowing when enough is enough and i just dont know where the line is between that #is it really unsalvageable or do i just not wanna hurt over this any more #i know im cared about but. theres one person who i wish cared more. who i wish didnt say things and promise things #because now that its later down the line its clear none of that meant a thing which is exactly what i said then #promises like that dont last. especially from those with commitment issues. i would know. #its why i dont make those kinds of promises. only very rarely. and now im gonna be made into a liar #promise breaker. i hate that #i keep complaining about this and. i keep giving myself a few days. a week. over and over. #'maybe it'll change when my heads clearer. maybe i'll feel differently later' #and tbf i do for a bit. but it doesnt last. it lasts for less time each time i try that #im still mad and upset and hurt #i'll figure it out but. why me. why does this happen

[nomaishuttle]

uninstalled all the dating apps which ws like 8nof them . in the morning ill tell the guys i was talking to that i overestimared how ready i was and hopefully theyll understand andnjust drop it

#i dont feel stable enough for like . any relationship platonic or romantic andnit fucking..rly sucks bc i want to have friends but like #with what happened with daj the other day im like. i dont think i can be like . idk. ik daj said it was ok and she understood but im so #upset that i lashed iut abt that and i keep trying to get into therapy but i fucking..cant find one. at all #im trying to be more reasonable witj mymoney and i know like. i need therapy bc i Need to work this out and i am not able to work it out #with myself. i need to see a professional abt this . so ik it wouldnt be frivolous to spend money on a therapist if i cant find one in #network. bc the in network thrapists dont accept/dont specialize in working with patients with bpd which i like. thats..my issue. im almost #posiitive. ive done a lot of research and it matches up with like . all of my experiences #ik everybody feels unstable after a breakup buti genuinely like. i dont feel whole. and im looking back on how i treated myself and thiught #abt the relationship and its like. i stopped talking to all my friends i stopped talking to my family i literally dropped out of school i #moved across the country i dropped any interest that we didnt share i literally like. i gave up fucking everything and thats not. healthy. #and he never aksed me for that and its not fair of me to resent him for me doing that bc he nevrr asked me to #but i feel like. everytime i think abt him it feels like im being torn in half like . i put him on so incredibly high of a pedestal i #literally thought of him as perfect that was..recurring. and when i was upset with him i took it out on myself horrifically and thats not #normal . and jow thinking abt him literally physucally hurts bc theres still that part of me that thinks hes perfect and that im a mistake #and a failure and i didnt Be connor right. and then theres a part of me that . doesnt think of him that way #and its just like. aughhf. even outside that relationship im looking back on past friendships and how like..obsessive i get with them #and then when they 'betray' me i just. immediately turn on them and like. thats not normal.. #and my sense of identity is um. Well you guys have seen. you know. #ive looked into it a lot and i rly think i have it and im not like. 100% positive but i feel like even if i dont itd be good to work with a #therapist who Has experience with that. since the experience is so similar. yk. idk #i just feel insane and i feel like bod would make like. so much of my life and the way i act and the way i react to things like..it makes #sense when i look at it as if i have bpd. and if i dont it literally seems completely irrational and erratic like. IDK. so basically i need #a therapist who can work with that but none of the ones in network specialize in that and then i was researching and found out a lot of #therapists specifically Dont work with bpd patients and like. judge their peers who do for woriing with bod #which is 1. Actually disgusting 2. Straight up stupid 3. Terrifying. so i only want to work with a therapist whi explicitely says I #specialize and work with patients with bpd 👍 but i literally could only find 1 and theyre out of network and its 15p for visit and id #prefer to do weekly visits if possible but thats . 300 per paycheck for therapy . biweekly itd be better but thats still 150. and i have to #save up for the trip home and then the new apartment immediately after #and i have to get credit card . #and in an ideal world id hold off on the therapist until i get my new apartment so that i can fully focus on coping with myself and learnin

[girlwithfish]

5am instagram stalking ppl i used to go to hs with. its crazy bc some people are still friends with other ppl from our hs. i guess crazy to me bc i dont talk to anyone at all from either hs i went to nor anyone from the same school district i was in from 4 grade-8grade. i hvent mantained friendships or anything w anyone from any place ive lived. thinking its me. . ...

#the realjty is i was just really shy when i was a kid. the ppl i went to school w from ages 9-14 i didnt really have lasting friendships #i follow like 3-4 ppl from that time in school on Instagram but thats it rly. ive never kept a friendship #then fhe school i went to for under 2 yrs in hs I follow several ppl from cuz i guess i was somehow a little more social where i followed #some classmates on instagram but yeah no contacg w anyone and yeah. i really doubf anyone from either of those schools remembers me #i just wasnt rly close w anyone ever to remain in contact w. and i didnt reallly make friends at the hs i graduated from #and i follow a couple ppl from my last hs but thats it i havent talked to anyone from any of those times in my life again rly #Which is crazy like #I guess ive always just been standoffish. never unfriendly to ppl but i never really connected w anyone #beyond school and stuff. nd i doutb anyone remembers me anyway. i really was a nobody in hs without even my own circle of friends #crazy how rhat wrks out nd not thay i have many relationships atall rn besides family and my s/o but like its crazy cuz #sometimes my bf when were in his hometown will run into someone he wnt to school w cuz he stayed in the same school district #k-12 nd theyll recognize him and talk to him and its ctazy cuz ive movd twice so i just never stsyed in a place where that would happen. #i like dont know anyone from my high school here in nc nd have never seen anyone barely #LOL #sometimes i wonder what itd be like if i had stayed in ohio and gone to hs with all the ppl i had known a bit for all of middle school #Cuz i just really do not know anyone maybe my life seems a little lonely bc of that. idk.. #its hard when a lot of ppls friendships r built on the fact that theyve known each otber for a long time or since x grade and are childhood #friends or something

[cosmic-cd]

.

#cosmo rambles #deleting later #im really sad. #i promise i wont make more posts like this #i lost my cat ive had for 16 years today. im going between misery and feeling nothing and i dont know what to do with myself #i dont wanna be alone with my thoughts but i cant even bring myself to do anything. this is a terrible feeling #i miss her. it was necessary but i miss her. i miss her so much. #i didnt even say goodbye because i couldnt bear to see her #i know its ok to cry but ive cried so much i couldnt sleep because i was dehydrated #what do i do now. is this just going to be how its going to be until i can cope? #im sorry to anyone whos reading this. this is really heavy #animal death #tw: animal death #tw animal death #im going to be ok i promise #but this is really hard. even if i knew it was coming and itd had to happen eventually. she was really sick #we did literally everything we could and more even when we couldnt afford it #on one hand i feel relieved on the other hand i didnt want to lose her #im not coping with this well at all #i dont know if ill ever cope with it well at all. i havent lost a pet in so long

[matoitech]

i think realistically galo would not get phallo before promare events cuz this guy had no money and he knew zero people, who was helping him how did he get the money. its possible he couldve gotten the money/insurance from kray but kray wouldve held that shit over his head until the day he died and also i dont think galo wanted to talk abt bottom surgery with his like conservative adoptive father figure whose too busy to ever see him lmao. phallo after promare events for him i can see tho i think itd be after he met n got w lio. i don’t believe in like, got all the surgeries he wanted before he was 21/22. that timeline is way too quick w him starting transitioning stuff after 18. of course SOME ppl can do that, but i think galo had a lot of shit going on that wouldve made that tougher lol

#i dont rly believe in like galo started t as a teenager so he went thru puberty on T and everything #like i think its an interesting trans backstory for him but to ME i think its more he looked Back and was like oh yeah i was a boy #or like he knew on some level but didnt rly have the words for it cuz that happens to probably. most ppl. it might be a little different #now w younger ppl but when i was in high school barely anyone talked abt this stuff #i could see lio knowing early on What was going on and that he was trans more than i can w galo #i think galos like an 'everyone knew but him' kinda guy. or like. he knew as a little kid but shoved it away #like he just didnt know it was an option #anyway i think he probably started hormones and got his legal stuff changed over like once he was a legal adult #it probably wouldvebeen difficult to do that stuff in the foster system before #got top surgery once he could. but the events of promare happen when itd be unlikely he'd gotten everythinghe wanted done #probably scheduled for consults or something. i think he gets hysto + bottom done when hes w lio. so after promare events #however when other trans ppl give galo phallo b4 the events of themovie im clappoing and cheering in support #this is just my like bg thing w him as a character #promare

[violentdevotion]

yesterday i made a comment like oh if i was married and my husband did this i think id be really upset and my mum and brother immediately started arguing that im annoying and dumb and 'one of those people that's never done anything but reads a lot and thinks she knows everything' <- let it be known that these are the people that start a fight and protest everytime i try to do anything. they didn't even let me move away for uni and then complain that i have no life experience. babes YOURE the one that would get mad if i was even friends with a boy.

#ameera speaks #one time at parents evening my teacher commented that i talk alot to the boy i sit with and my mum got mad and swore at me the entire car #home. 5 yrs later - meera you dont know what men are like #they didnt even know of the existence of one of my closest friends until after he died and then they got mad at me for being friends with #a guy in the first place. like okay well hes dead now nothing happening there #one guy lived near me so wed walk home from school together and one time my mum saw us and got mad #i went alone on the train for the first time a few months ago and i could only go because my parents were abroad #like dont actively restrict someones ability to have life experience and then complain they have no life experience #all of that aside. none of that matters when i say if mt partner did something it would upset me #like even if ive been with every guy in england. itd still upset me