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thelikesoffinn · 7 months

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„Astarion ending as the Vampire Ascendant is the correct ending for him, because it is what he wants.”

That is a claim I’ve been seeing pop up more and more often these days. And I think it’s both a very bold and a very odd claim to make.

But first things first: Hello, I’m a licensed social worker! So far, I’ve worked with children, refugees and youths with behavioural issues stemming from bullying and or abuse.

Please be aware that I will be mentioning different kinds of abuse, coping mechanisms, and victim/abuser relationships. If any of this is difficult for you, don’t force yourself through it. My jabbering about a traumatised vampire is not worth your wellbeing, not ever.

I will, however try to stick to Astarion and not use other examples. If, in any case, I do use a non-Astarion example, I’ll add a warning beforehand so that you can skip the part. And I’ll make it clear what will be discussed in the next bit, so that you have a chance to skip it entirely.

This is an effort to make this as accessible as possible for everyone that wants to indulge on a mad woman’s rambling – and I know there’s a few people that like this sort of stuff!

And, uh, there's obviously spoilers for all three acts. Serious spoilers, even.

Before I can get into the whole ‘why Astarion didn’t really want to ascend,’ we need to understand him a little more. And to understand this pretty boy’s brain, we first need to understand the gist of what we’re talking about when we throw around the word ‘abuse.’

“Abuse” is when someone is treated with cruelty, violence, or neglect – often to bad effect – on a regular basis. Repetitively. Check’s out for Astarion, I’d say, but we all knew that already. I mean, if one thing was obvious, it was this.

1. Astarions Abuse

Next we need to look at what kind of abuse Astarion faced over his long years of torment, seeing as different types of abuse will have different effects on the victim.

Not that that is anything we have to worry about with him – Astarion won the abuse lottery, to put it bluntly. In a horrible game of fate, he got everything. He himself indirectly mentions all the types of abuse he faced, albeit never using the correct terms.

The first we properly notice – fitting, seeing as it is often the most obvious form of abuse – is the physical abuse. Astarions scars are probably the biggest tell Larian could shove down our throats, only underlined by Astarion’s tale about the night itself. About how Cazador ‘misspelled something’ every time he flinched or screamed and had to do ‘many corrections. On top of this, Cazador locked Astarion up for months on end and tortured him – or had him tortured – on a regular basis both as a rite and as a punishment.

Next up, we have the fact that Astarion was forced to basically prostitute himself repeatedly. This is what we call sexual exploitation.

“I spent two hundred years using my body to lure pretty things back for my Master.” – Act 2

Two hundred years is a long time, filled with great many people. Now, we don’t know how many of those people actually tapped into the sexual exploitation and how many he could just lure back with other means, but the fact that it happened a lot is undeniable.

Next we have a form of abuse that we often disregard in adults: Neglect. It sounds odd, I know, saying that a fully grown adult was neglected. They can care for themselves, can they not?

Well. Yes and no.

Adult neglect is proceeded by the condition that one adult has to lean on another adult to fulfil their needs for whatever reason. This could be anything, from disability to income-based issues.

Seeing as Astarion had absolutely nothing, while Cazador had everything, we can assume this was the case. Cazador had the house, the money, the power. Astarion owns but one pair of clothes, assumedly, that he has fixes over and over again. Fair to say, that’s pretty neglectful. (And it’s one more reason to shower the guy in pretty armour and camp clothes. Go ham, people.)

Last we have the form of abuse we actually get to witness later in the game – emotional abuse.

Once again, it’s undeniable that this happened. Especially since we’re all seeing it in the flesh upon meeting Cazador in his crypt.

“Have you no respect for yourself?”

“I strove for perfection in all things. Even those as imperfect as you.”

“A pity you amounted to so little, despite my efforts.”

“A pathetic little boy who never amounted to anything.”

All Act 3, Crypt

Here we have just a few examples of things Cazador throws in his face. It’s like reading a textbook on emotional abuse, this one (and it’s definitely a reason to throw hands).

Blaming the victim, keeping their sense of self and their self-worth as tiny as possible to make them cower and flee. A true classic.

This pretty much shows that Astarion suffered all forms of abuse we commonly see and it is implied – once again by Astarion himself – that at least a few of those instances were ritualistic.

Now, what does that mean exactly? Well, I fear I need to use a real example here, so please skip the next paragraph.

Ritualistic doesn’t refer to a proper ritual – it can, but that’s mostly a thing for those in a cult. So, we’re not necessarily talking about a ‘Vampire Ascendent Ritual’. A husband, beating his wife every evening after his third bottle of beer is also called ritual abuse. It happens regularly. It is part of a routine. Both parties know what will happen.

I can’t find the exact quote, so I’m working of my memory here, but at one point he said that when Cazador invited him to eat and he said yes, he would be served a putrid rat. If he said no, he’d be beaten.

The way it was phrased made it clear that it happened more than once and that Astarion clearly knew what would happen. So, this can be classified as ritualistic abuse.

2. A Note on Conditioning and Compliance

By default, abuse victims are conditioned to behave a certain way or in a certain fashion. This is a natural response to avoid further abuse.

In Astarion, the thing we see most often is his inherent need to please. Not literally, he doesn’t mind being an arsehole. But he initially feels the need to follow Tav’s orders, even if they go against his own wishes.

This can be clearly seen in the conversation with Araj Oblodra. Astarion very clearly doesn’t want to bite her. He doesn’t. But he will do so, if Tav tells him to. This behaviour is not conscious – he doesn’t know why he does it, he just does – and it is to be expected. This is how he kept himself save for two centuries, so of course he will fall back into his usual pattern when the pressure is high.

This goes hand in hand with the fact that most abuse victims don’t fight. Maybe initially, but not after long term abuse. Especially not after two fucking centuries.

This is true in Astarion – offered by his ‘siblings’ during act 3 and unhappily acquiesced by the man himself. Astarion stopped fighting and, once again implied, cowered, and did as he was told in order to survive.

3. The Astarion we know and love

Obviously, all that abuse does have an impact on our vampire boyfriend. He shows various common signs of abuse and just like with the forms of abuse, Astarion raked every coping mechanism he could find. (Not really, but it feels like it.) It’s also important to note that nearly all of the following things happen inwardly. Astarion is not one of the victims, that tries to rationalise and minimise the actions of his abuser. Quite the opposite, actually.

I’ll note from the beginning, that rationalisation will not be covered in this bit, as most examples will be important later on. But he definitely does it.

One of his biggest skills is to hide every ounce of fear or hurt behind sarcasm and snarky theatrics. He doesn’t seem to hide his anger much, though, so that’s something! Our boy is cool with anger, not so much with being afraid.

“Ahahaha, now that you mention it….I might have done…that.” – Act 3, regarding the Gur children

“The thing that will decide my fate forever more? Yeees, it’s been on my miiiind. Why?” – Act 2, regarding the Ritual

And there’s many more instances that prove this. Honestly, half his dialogue is sarcasm, so it would really be too long to get into and we all know what I mean, right? We have alltalked to the guy before. It’s obvious that he’s sarcastic to a fault.

This goes hand in hand with his penchant for defensiveness. I would personally state that he’s simply not really good with guilt. When talking about fear, he usually just opts for sarcasm or avoids the topic completely, but guilt especially has his defences going up. This is also when he’s most likely to shove all the blame off to Cazador.

“Don’t look at me like that. Cazadors orders.” – Act 3, Crypt

“I just did what I had to!” – Act 3, Crypt

And don’t get me wrong, he does that anyway. And with good reason. Astarion didn’t have a choice for the most part, but he’s still easy to shove things off.

This kind of connects to his penchant for denial.

Astarion doesn’t really like to talk about most things. He firmly believes he is an ‘action’ sort of person that just does instead of plans, which invertedly just means he’s great at pushing the thinking stuff away. He also likes to get rid of stuff, so that he doesn’t need to face it ever again.

“I never want to see these little scraps of misery again. The world doesn’t need to know my shame.” – Act 3, about the children

And yes, this partly rings true. He’s probably ashamed and doesn’t want anyone to know what he’s done. But it’s also very clear that he himself simply doesn’t want to face his own actions, something that is just underlined by his extreme willingness to red rid of the other spawn.

As mentioned by Astarion himself, he’s big on manipulation. I mean, I don’t think there is much explaining necessary. The guy is willing to do a whole lot in order to get what he desires – which mostly revolves around safety and survival, to be honest – and he’s not really shy about it either. And that’s despite the fact that he doesn’t really like intimacy – especially in form of sex.

It’s not a secret that Astarion is not big on sex and anything surrounding it. This goes far enough for people to consider him either ace or ace coded.

A claim that, personally, I’m not super in line with.

Now, it’s not entirely wrong and if this is your head cannon I’m surely not going to stand in your way – but on a larger spectrum, I think he’s more traumatised than ace. And while those go hand in hand sometimes, it’s a bit difficult for the ace community if you attach traumatised characters to them because it can fuel a whole lot of stigma that is honestly neither needed nor wanted. But I digress!

If it comes to his own behaviour, he’s great at minimising his mistakes. Honestly, he’s a master of minimisation. A very obvious and famous example would be:

“’Killed’ feels like a…strong word. Not many corpses have your vigour.” – Act 1, after killing Tav

Astarion. You literally sucked poor Tav dry and left them flopping around, cold, and dead. Killed is exactly the right word and we all know it.

“Quite the deviation from my usual routine. Capture, not lure. I didn’t bring them in with sweet rolls or anything.” – Act 3, Gur Children

This is another attempt at minimising what he did, if a bit less obvious because at this point there isn’t much he can say. But at least he didn’t sexualise the gur children, right? They’re still spawn but whoo, at least that didn’t happen.

The next point would be dissociation, which is extremely common in abuse victims – of all forms of abuse.

Astarion himself mentioned certain moments that could be classified as dissociation over course of the story, which is probably the coping mechanism I personally expected the most.

The pale elf has a penchant for violence, but he’s not entirely shameless or abhorrently vile, which gets clearer the more the story progresses. So, two hundred years of forced prostitution, torture and doing whatever other horrible things? Yeah, I’d be more surprised if he didn’t dissociate.

Examples of that would be:

“A moment of disgust to push myself through and then I could’ve carried on, just like before.” – Act 2, after Araj

“I felt nothing the moment I handed them over.” – Act 3, Gur Children

“Did you enjoy it? It felt like you weren’t fully there.” – Act 1, Tav after Sex

The latter is generally more of an assumption than actual prove, but with context it does make sense.

The last common sign of abuse we find in our boyfriend would be his low self-worth. It’s a consistent trait that stays over the course of all three acts, noticeable in many different conversations.

We can see it in his reaction to wanting to break up before finishing his story. We can see it in his genuine surprise when Tav picks him over any of the other characters. We see it in his insecurity whenever Tav asks to sleep with another character. He’s fine with it, but he still worries their decision to sleep with someone else is based on something he did.

It eases up ever so slightly after Cazador is dead, but even then he’s still struggling which is once again perfectly illustrated if you try to break up with him.

“Oh shit. I- Did I do something wrong?”

That is the first thing he asks and I think it speaks for itself. He genuinely doesn’t believe he has much to offer and for Astarion, it’s likely that Astarion will always be the problem.

4. "Oh, I tried them all none of them answered.”

Another big thing that’s important to note, is that Astarion was never saved. No one came to save him from Cazador. There was no darling boy on a white steed riding into that castle to rescue him and princess carry him away. Not even the gods answered his desperate calls.

So, he never received any kindness or luck. To him, the world seems as cruel and horrid as before because he didn’t have the chance to experience goodness in two centuries.

But worse than that, he didn’t even get to save himself. Astarion didn’t stand up to Cazador, he didn’t run out of his own might.

He was beaten to near death and ‘saved’ by Cazador, who would become his abuser.

He tried to save someone and, in turn, was locked up and starved for an entire year.

He was abducted by mind flayers, i.e., saved from Cazador, only to end up tadpoled and on the cusp of getting a fancy, squiddy beard.

Anything that’s good, any kindness, any selfless action…it all came with a ginormous price tag.

5. Over the Course of the Story

Astarions behaviour changes a whole lot over the course of three acts – which is important once we talk about his quests climax – so let’s review what we’re working with!

Act 1 Astarion is guarded as fuck. The man has walls around him that are so high, even the gods can touch them.

A lot of his behaviour in act 1 revolves around staying save and staying liked. He lies, manipulates, and flutters his lashes in order to get what he wants and needs. Instead of asking, like Wyll, Karlach and Gale do, Astarion uses all he has to offer to get by. He is still very much in survival mode and tries to weasel his way through an unfamiliar situation with familiar methods.

On top of that, and most notably, he’s absolutely not fond of kindness or selflessness.

#I saved a child and now my boyfriend is mad

Here, we are most likely to gain disapproval for doing the decent thing – unless you sent him outside for a minute whenever you’re being a good person.

And I’d assume that this is because of two things.

First: The very traditional ‘Why not me?’

As I mentioned before, Astarion wasn’t saved. He hasn’t experienced kindness in a very long time so seeing that the world is literally filled with kind people is hurtful. Why didn’t anyone save him? Why was he left to his own devices for so long? Why should he care about others when it’s so clear that no one ever cared about him? No, dead to all of them. If he didn’t get it, neither will they.

“And what am I owed? What about the injustices I suffered? Am I not entitled to anything?” – Act 3, Crypt

“I was in the prime of my life when I was turned. Everything was taken from me too.” – Act 3, Crypt

And secondly is the fact that, as I mentioned, goodness always has a price. And it’s one most people won’t be willing to pay. That’s how his life has been, so why would theirs be different?

This is precisely why Astarion may disapprove of kind actions, but he mostly neither approves nor disapproves if Tav asks for payment. That’s just how the world works.

Once you venture out into act 2, after getting to know him a whole lot more, he starts to mellow a bit – if only towards Tav.

“He’s afraid, so afraid, of everyone but you, who she should fear the most.” – Sceleritas about Astarion

His approval is a lot easier to gain – or at least keep! – and he tends to approve of some more proper actions. He doesn’t throw a fit if you promise to find Mol, he approves of Tav being kind to His Majesty, of saving Aylin and he even approves of Durge apologising to Isobel after threatening to rip her to pieces.

He's slowly starting to open up, allowing Tav to see some parts of him he previously kept hidden. He accepts their offer to help, if hesitantly and, by god, the man starts experimenting with boundaries.

The social worker in me is shedding tears at this. It’s my favourite thing to see in my clients and it’s no different here. Yay to saying no!

Of course, it’s still a bit hit or miss. If Tav urges him to bite Araj, for example, he will only to later notice that he didn’t fucking have to. He recognises this on his own and he calls Tav out on it. Just like he calls them out on not helping him with his Orthon quest.

Good job, chap. Good fucking job.

And the growth-train won’t stop going even as we reach act 3.

In act 3, there’s not many things he disapproves as of right now – those he does, mostly have to do with how Tav treats him and not with anyone else. In fact, he’s more likely to approve good behaviour now, like giving Yenna food or money.

And yes, we need to consider that this could simply be because he gets used to Tav’s behaviour and just learns to roll with it. But it’s also highly likely that he notices that there’s truly good people around. At least one person. And that person is not only good, no, they’re in the process of helping him break free once and for all.

They’re helping him save himself.

By act 3, he has learned that he can absolutely say his piece where Tav is concerned and he’s more likely to disagree with them on certain things. It’s seen during a lot of small dialogue that he’s no longer terribly afraid to be honest with them, willing to listen and talk and he’ll ask for help if he needs it.

“I can do this. But I need your help.” – Act 3, Crypt

Something that can be viewed both positively and negatively is that he’s definitely loyal to a fault. He will stick by Tav’s side, no matter what.

“I really hoped we could avoid being pawns for a dark god, but here we are, I suppose. I’m with you, my dear, wherever this might lead.” – Act 3, After Jaheira confronts durge

As I said, this can be both positive and negative. On one count, it’s a recipe for disaster, seeing as he could be waltzing into a really bad situation for Tav alone.

But on the other side…this is a man who only cared about himself because that is the only person he could afford to care about. He needed to survive. He now has enough room to breathe and the capacity to care for someone else and I’d be inclined to count that as a good thing.

6. The Crypt

All the progress he made in act 2 and 3 is nearly tossed into the wind as soon as the crew enters Cazadors castle.

It’s not an immediate thing, of course.

At first, Astarion tries to stay light and simple and he hides behind flippant tones and relaxed faces. The way he recounts this is almost comically disinterested and the façade is actually quite good.

It’s start’s cracking after we meet Godie, one of the people who tortured him on more than one account, but he mostly manages to remain as upbeat as one can honestly expect for the first half of the journey.

All that, however, is done for the very moment we meet Sebastian. His mask not only slips, no, it full on shatters and there’s none of his apparent lightness left.

Which, of course it does.

The man is suddenly faced with years and years and years of victims. Innocent, unlucky people he lured back to his master over two centuries. People he liked, people he pitied.

“It’s sickening, seeing them again.”

It’s basically a room filled with guilt, exclusively for Astarion. And, as we mentioned before…Astarion is not great with guilt.

The guilt, however, is not where it ends.

No, he’s also faced with reflections of his own past. The spawn pose as reminders of what he did, sure, but also as reminders of what he was.

Weak, desperate, hungry.

There’s an abundance of images of his worst moments, reflected back at him in the thousands. It’s probably like staring into a funhouse mirror, but instead of seeing yourself in a funky way he just sees everything he so desperately doesn’t want to be.

“It should be [who I am]! I don’t want to be like them. They’re pathetic, horrible…”

He’s forcefully made aware of how darn weak he can be, which claws at all the wounds he’s barely had time to close. Something, he of course won’t admit if asked.

“THEY DO NOT [remind me of myself]. That weakness in me is dead, IT’S DEAD. I have a higher purpose.”

The high pressure of the moment brings out all of his act 1 traits in but a few moments. You can pretty much watch how he starts to shut down mid conversation, one of his old walls snapping back into place to remove himself from the situation.

Thing is though, walls usually become a bit brittle after disuse. Especially when talking to a person you don’t usually want to wall out.

Or, in his case, when talking to Tav.

After meeting Sebastian, Astarion shows extreme reactions to Tav nudging any of his weak spots. His reaction varies on whatever choice you make, but it ranges from aggression to defensiveness, to denial and even to downright begging Tav.

“Don’t hate me. I just did what I had to. I swear I did what I had to.”

This probably the most shocking out of all of them, since that is not something we got to witness before. The begging is likely a mixture of intense fear of losing Tav, his low self-esteem and pre-Tav behaviour, since we can assume that Cazador made him beg more than once.

Another old coat he puts back on would also be the least surprising of them all.

Manipulation.

He falls right back into it, using Tav’s affection to get what he want if we trigger the right action.

“If they die and I ascend, I won't have to rely on the parasite to walk in the sun. I'll be free. Truly completely free. Isn't that what you want?”

This, to me, was probably the biggest tell that Astarion was back in survival mode. He’s panicking, for fucks sake, and who can blame the guy? He’s back. He’s about to face down his abuser.

Of course he’s fucking panicking.

Panic leads to an increased craving for safety and, in his case, power. This is why he clings to Tav, why he begs them to love him still. And this is why he jumps head first into the rationalisation pool.

“I will need to sacrifice them all if I want to perform the ritual. - [You can save them.] – What’s the point? They're as good as dead! I thought they were dead. If they are unleashed, they will cause incredible carnage. […] They must die. Better they serve a purpose.”

Another textbook example.

They must die anyway. They’re basically dead. No need to save them now. They’re dangerous, I’m doing the right thing by sacrificing them. I already thought they were dead, so it’s not changing anything for me. They’re a lost cause and I deserve all this power. I deserve it, because I suffered and nothing will change if they die.

So, seeing as we already spoke about his usual behaviour in act 3 – behaviour he showed after we allowed him to breathe and be himself for a while – I think we can fairly easily conclude he’s not thinking straight.

Astarion is right back in survival mode, where all that matters is he himself. If it weren’t for the seven thousand spawns, he might have moved through this more gracefully, but seeing those tipped the scales and Astarion is absolutely losing it.

Remember that for the last section, per favore.

7. The Ascension

“Astarion wants to ascend and Tav manipulates him into doing what they want.”

That is basically the essence of what people often claim and I can’t help but shake my head at such a blatant disregard of everything he has become. This is completely ignoring the change and growth he has gone through over the course of their journey.

Astarion wants to be free. He wants to be safe. That does not mean he wants to ascend.

And the claim that Tav manipulates him into doing anything is even more baffling. We are all aware that Tav is not manipulative by nature, yes? That is entirely on you. You decide who your Tav is.

And then let’s remember: Astarion is panicked. He’s afraid and he’s not thinking straight. His abuser is on his knees before him and he still feels so weak. And there’s seven thousand spawns that need handling.

Astarion is very much not okay right now.

In fact, reading his thoughts just proves this theory.

“You can see the fear in his eyes but also the hunger. The thick smell of blood in the air and the promise of power being so close is intoxicating to him. All he can see is the power of the ritual and the freedom that power brings. The freedom to do anything. To be anything.”

Tav, however, has none of those problems. They can actually see beyond the current situation and they are fully aware what the consequences are. Astarion is not. As we previously established, Astarion is a doer. Not a thinker. He didn’t think this through, not at all.

The only thing Tav is doing – the persuasion roll – is reminding him of the very real consequences he is facing. The consequences he hasn’t thought about before.

"I know you think this will set you free, but it won't. This power will trap you, just like it trapped Cazador."

And that is the kindest thing Tav could do in this situation. They’re not bodily dragging him away from Cazador. They’re not even telling him to not do it. They’re just offering him the truth. He can do with that information whatever he desires.

“Astarion cries when he doesn’t ascend, that just shows that it was the wrong choice.”

A hare-brained point that I thankfully have only seen once so far.

That crying? That is healthy crying.

That is him, crumbling under the stress that suddenly dissipates. That is him mourning two hundred years of torment. That’s him letting out feelings he hasn’t been able to for centuries.

And, for the love of god, try to put yourself in his shoes.

Two hundred years of torment, ended in but a moment.

Astarion was abused and tortured for so long, afraid for so long only to see his tormentor die just like that.

Cazador died within a moment and all Astarion needed was a darn blade. Of course he fucking cries.

Seeing how pathetic a being the very core of your life’s misery actually is hurts. It hurts like hell because not only are you finally free – free! – no, you’re faced with the fact that this pile of nothing, the thing that’s bleeding out right in front of you…this was what tortured for so long.

This thing hurt you so much. That guy took everything from you, everything you once were, and broke it again and again and again over years.

You were so scared of this thing.

And yet he has the gall and the gumption to die just like that.

It was so easy.

And yet you suffered for so long.

8. Evil Playthrough?

An evil playthrough is really a different setting altogether.

All of this, as you can probably tell, is really only applicable on a good playthrough. Realistically speaking. I’m not sure how the game mechanics handle it.

On an evil path, Astarion never really gets to experience kindness and goodness. Evil Tav will just prove him right in his believe that the world is a vile and cold place, meaning that he realistically would be more inclined to actually want to ascend.

9. Final Conclusion

I think all of this should be enough to make it clear that no, ascended Astarion is not the best ending for the guy. In fact, it is probably the worst. Because it’s just him, running away. He’s running into a lonely and cold state of being, where cruelty and power lord over everything else and he’s running because he’s terrified of being hurt again. He’s running despite desperately wanting to stop running.

“I'll spend the rest of my life running watching the shadows, never feeling safe…no, this has to happen. Here and now.”

And, the worst part is: Nothing about Astarion is left after he ascends. Even his tone of speaking gradually changes, his theatrics fading. He’s slowly losing himself, until there’s nothing but an evil caricature left.

So, in the end, ascension will have proven him right.

That version of him is dead.

#baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate #baldurs gate #bg3 #astarion #the dark urge #tav #astarion romance #astarion ancunin #astarion and tav #bg3 act 1 #bg3 act 2 #bg3 act 3 #act 3 #act 2 #act 1 #araj oblodra

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months

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WIBTA for calling animal rescue/welfare on my mom who loves her pets?

My mom has 2 cats and 1 dog. I want to start off by saying that she doesn't physically abuse her animals.

They're in a weird state of being really emotionally spoiled and completely physically neglected. The dog sleeps in bed with her and is always on the sofa, doesn't get told off when he pees and poops in the house, and the cats are always getting cuddles. The cats are getting kinda fat because they're fed a lot.

My mom is an alcoholic and she doesn't look after herself or her home at all. It's been years since she showered or bathed, she goes weeks without changing her clothes except for when she works, her house is genuinely falling completely apart. Cupboard doors are falling off at the hinges and propped up with buckets, doors don't close, carpets are coming up off the floor, wallpaper is peeling, the shower door fell off and shattered, the toilet lid is cracked in half, the floors are too dirty to step on without shoes, the entire house STINKS of animal urine and there are stains everywhere. A couple of years back she had an insect infestation in one of the bedrooms.

Now, my mom loves her pets and really emotionally relies on them. Ever since I moved out she's been alone and has regressed even worse because when she's at home she has nothing to do but drink and watch TV. The pets are her only company most days.

However, her bad hygiene and home care translates to them. It has been YEARS since the dog was walked, and months since he even got a cursory trip over the road to the small grass area outside her house. His fur is always matted, and he recently had fleas (god knows how when he doesn't leave the house but there you go). He has bald patches of fur missing. He pees and poops all over the floors and carpets because he just doesn't get let outside to do it enough - and he runs away or hides when you find it so he 100% knows he's not supposed to, he just doesn't have a choice because he's not able to go into the garden. His claws are always so long they're bothering him when he walks, and as gross as it is to describe there have been COUNTLESS times I've visited and he's had literal shit caked onto his fur around his tail because he's had diarrhea and when I've pointed it out that he needs to be washed my mom brushes it off with "It's only a little bit" and continues to let him onto the bed/couch.

The cats are mildly better off because they can clean themselves, but their litter trays are always OVERFLOWING - like, genuinely, mountains of cat poop piling up in the trays to the point where they're going on the floor because they don't have room in the tray - and one of them is sleeping in a bed that is Caked in vomit stains, clumps of hair, other miscellaneous marks, all of that.

I've called someone about it before when I still lived there, and a woman did stop by to check it out and told my mom that the cat litters were unacceptable, but my mom just lies to them. According to her the dog gets walked twice a day without fail, gets a ton of enrichment, everything, and you can't really prove her to be lying. The woman told her she'd drop by in a week to check on the litters, my mom kept them clean until she came back and gave the okay, and then just went right back to neglecting them and nothing was done about it.

I have no idea what to do anymore but I want to call again and really impress upon them that they're not being cared for. I sent photos and video evidence last time along with an explanation, but it doesn't seem like it got me anywhere at all. I just don't know what else to do. I've brought up the idea of taking at least the dog with me to my new place (it's very nearby so she'd still be able to visit him and I'd be able to walk him up to her house), but she VEHEMENTLY objected and told me she'd never be able to let him go.

I'm not sure what it would do tbh, even disregarding that she'd probably just get a new pet I would be genuinely worried she'd lose all interest in life if they were taken away.

TL;DR Mom's alcoholism means she doesn't look after her pets and they're not being cared for at all, but taking them away would severely impact her mental health.

WIBTA for calling animal services on her again?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #unsanitary cw

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gourmetofglut · 3 months

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The Mischaracterization of Ferris: A thread analyzing Re: Zero's most misinterpreted and overlooked character.

Note: This is a re-edit of a thread I wrote on Twitter. I recently decided to start using Tumblr a bit more. Since I've also been wanting to back up most of my threads, I figured I might as well move everything here. This is the first re-edit I'll be posting on this site. It was one of my favorites to write, so I hope it's enjoyable!

Side story spoilers for the entire thread. Arc 8 spoilers in the speculation section (will be marked since so many people aren't caught up).

For novel readers of Re: Zero, Ferris stands as one of the most divisive characters in the fandom. Considering his poor utilization in the anime and his role in the story within Arc 3, it's easy to see why.

On one hand, Ferris is one of the most outwardly aggressive characters toward Subaru in Arc 3. He makes no secret of his disdain from the start and consistently throws jabs at him every opportunity he gets. This behavior can certainly leave a negative first impression.

On the other hand, Ferris is quite a fascinating character who serves an important role within the narrative of Arc 3. He doesn't let Subaru off as easy as everyone else, which is exactly what makes seeing him grow respect for Subaru satisfying.

Whichever opinion you hold, that’s mostly irrelevant today. Instead, I will be simply discussing his character and his role in the story, as well as arguing in favor of many of his merits that people overlook.

Ferris's primary role is similar to all the Royals Candidates' knights: serving as a foil for Subaru. I've explained the similarities between Subaru and the other knights before, but to sum it up as quickly as possible all 3 of them represent a version of what Subaru could be.

Reinhard is a version of what Subaru could've been if he were the typical isekai protagonist, Julius is a lot more complicated but he’s essentially what Subaru could've been if he were granted enough power to face his enemies on even ground, and Al is Subaru if he had been just a bit unlucky in where he had been sent; becoming someone who struggles to care and abuses his powers to the fullest.

Ferris is much the same, though it can be argued he parallels Subaru the hardest, except for maybe Al. The resemblance on paper between the two is uncanny. They are both physically weak men who often don't fit traditional gender roles and have the sole desire of helping a woman they love to achieve her dreams of becoming a Royal Candidate, no matter the personal costs to themselves.

To do this, they use an extraordinary power unique to them (in Subaru's case RB, and in Ferris' case his magic that is relative in power to an authority). Their need to rely on others for victory is a source of immense mental turmoil and often leaves them full of self-loathing.

They place immense value in the lives of others, even those who have or will harm them, to the point that they are willing to be harmed to help them. Seeing others casually disregard the lives of others serves as one of the things that anger them the most.

They are both prone to obsessively possessive behavior and have sometimes even directed it towards the one they love. This often leads to them getting in trouble due to their jealousy.

There are more similarities I could point out, but you get the point.

Where am I going with this though? Ferris is clearly a parallel to Subaru, but what does he represent regarding him? Put simply, I believe Ferris is meant to represent what Subaru could've been if his parents were just a bit different.

Parent and Child is one of the most crucial chapters for informing us about just the kind of person Subaru is. Perhaps the most important piece is how it helps us understand just how much of his current personality is a result of his father. Subaru not only looked up to him but actively mimicked him to achieve his goals. The pressure of the surrounding world caused him to default to trying to be his father instead of who he truly was. Subaru's parents weren't perfect. In fact, they were very flawed people. Regardless of this fact though, they are responsible for many of Subaru's positive traits.

The same is true for Ferris and his shitbag of a father. If you were to ask any novel reader what Ferris' defining trait as a character is, they would probably say anger or bitterness.

This isn't surprising, as that's how he typically acts towards everyone except Crusch and Fourier, even when it comes to friends such as Julius.

I would argue, however, that this is merely an act he defaults to when he is stressed or angry, similar to Subaru's mimicry of his own father.

During his bitter moments, such as his cold statement to Subaru as he leaves Crusch's mansion in Arc 4, Ferris is merely defaulting to what he has learned to be the best method of dealing with his stress...a method that is eerily similar to how Biehn sometimes acts in EX 1.

Whether Ferris acknowledges it or not, his attitude at his worst moments makes him come off like his father. He can be cruel, sometimes even callous. He shows intense rage when he doesn't get his way and attacks the part of his opponent that is most vulnerable.

This attitude can blind him to the point that he can even hypocritically act racist towards Emilia. Ferris' entire life has been defined by discrimination. In the face of someone he should know has faced many of the same issues, he once again acts almost exactly like his own father.

It was in the middle of a mental breakdown, but that does not excuse him just like it does not excuse Subaru.

Speaking of his parents, it's also notable how their inability to connect with Ferris parallels Naoko and Kenichi's struggles with Subaru.

Ferris' dad is a bombastic, loud man who was (once) well-respected and causes many of Ferris's issues through his actions and Ferris' emulation of him. His fatal flaw in the end was that he could not understand Ferris, similar to how Kenichi could not fully understand Subaru.

Ferris' mom, on the other hand, fully understood the distress he was under but did not have the confidence to interfere or make a change as Ferris wasted away, similar to Naoko's inability to help Subaru when he most needed it.

That's not to say Kenichi or Naoko are even a thousandth as bad as either of those two, but their struggles with their child deeply parallel each other.

Back on track though, I want to highlight a bit more of Ferris' parallels with his father using perhaps the most damning example.

This specific scene is from "The Saga of the Great Crusch-sama Begins." When faced with his mother, whom he hates so much, he attempts to stab her in the chest. Crusch gets caught in the crossfire causing Felix to freak out and unlock his water magic to save her.

What can at first be written off as just a unique origin for Ferris' water magic gets recontextualized hard in EX 1, where it's revealed his father killed his mother in the exact same method.

It's such an eerie similarity and something that I feel gets overlooked too often when discussing Ferris.

As shown in scenes like the one above, Ferris often projects this image of hatred, bitterness, and malice. It's easy to write that off as just the kind of person he is as so many often do...

...but there's obviously more to it than this. There is far more to Ferris than his mimicry of his father.

Ferris doesn't allow himself to be vulnerable very often in the story. Only when he is with Fourier and Crusch, as well as when he is in the most intense moments of crisis, does he show who he actually is. Stress is the best test of character after all.

The best example to me? His confrontation with the father he so often emulates.

If Ferris was actually as vindictive as he so often outwardly acts, how would you expect him to react to the death of a man he hated so much?

Wouldn't he taunt him? Wouldn't he make his last moments a living hell? Wouldn't he crow in pleasure at his agony? Would you be able to even blame Ferris if he made Biehn's last moments hell?

You would expect that...but that's not how he reacts. At that moment, watching as the man who tortured him so much dies an awful death, he just shows sadness. He thinks about the possibility that they could've just worked things out. He just wishes that things could be different.

Despite everything his father had done to him, despite all the rage at the world Ferris projects, the moment he is put into a scenario he likely dreamed of he can't help but feel pity that this was the only route he could take. He never wanted to hurt even Biehn of all people.

And this, I believe, is Ferris's actual defining trait underneath his persona of cynicism and bitterness: kindness and a greater love for life than perhaps anyone else in the series.

Ferris's power, as Fourier once said, is the kindest in the world. At his core, Ferris is just as kind as his power.

Think about it. Despite Ferris's words, what is the thing that upsets him most?

People who waste their lives. Whether it be Subaru, Fourier, a random Vollachian guard, or even Witch Cultists...Ferris can't bring himself to watch life be thrown away. It just hurts him, regardless of how horrible the person is.

Just like Subaru, Ferris wants to help everyone, even if it costs him so much. The pain that he feels when he is unable to do so is immeasurable, as Subaru himself states in Volume 8. He is struggling with the same realization as Subaru: saving some people is impossible.

So where will this lead? What does this have to do with the themes of the story? Well, to answer that, I’ll have to take a little diversion to talk about one of the more…difficult topics involving Ferris.

Ferris and his relationship with gender is something that I feel a lot of the fanbase is really fucking weird about. Even ignoring the pretty deep-rooted transphobia in a lot of discussions involving him (he isn't trans, but he is heavily trans-coded and there really shouldn't be so much of an issue in letting people read into that), there's a feverish desire to deny that his status as a person not conforming to gender norms matters at all. All too often, people reduce it to just a fetish or something to make jokes about.

The reason this is such a bafflingly stupid take though is because of how blatant the importance is to anyone who has read EX 1. Even Tappei himself has stated that many of the things he wants to do with Ferris could not be done without this aspect of his character.

Ferris's non-conformance is part of a promise made with Crusch. Ferris took on her femininity while Crusch took on his masculinity. It's a promise between the two that proves their devotion to one another. It's the ultimate symbol of their affection for one another.

In Aganau IF Ferris dresses and acts more masculine, precisely because his connection to Crusch no longer exists.

I'd also argue it's why he continues to dress as he does even when Crusch no longer has her memories, desperately holding onto the literal symbol of the bond between them.

However, unlike Crusch who seems to love who she is both when taking on more masculine and feminine traits, finding a balance between them; Ferris can't do the same. He sees it merely as a means to show his devotion rather than something he does for himself.

He constantly expresses that it is all for Crusch and Crusch alone. If anything he seems to resent his inability to fulfill any kind of masculine role, as shown once again in his conversation with Biehn in EX 1.

When pushed to finally unleash all his true feelings to Biehn, what does he bring up as the main reason for his resentment? His abuse? His coldness? His murder of his mother? Any of the innumerable unforgivable things Biehn has done to him?

No. Ferris points at his body. He anguishes over his skinny arms, his inability to wield a sword, his lack of muscle, and his lack of fighting prowess. He hates his lack of masculine features and how he's unable to live up to his idea of what Crusch's knight should be.

He literally sees his masculinity as something stolen from him by his father; leaving him so empty that he needed something else to fill that void.

Crusch gave him something to fill that void. Crusch gave him a way to live. Crusch filled his soul...but he still resents what he "has" to be.

Now does that mean he resents Crusch? No, of course not. But he does resent that this is the only thing he can do for her; the only person he can be. Deep down, he doesn't seem to want to be the way he is, and instead of trying to change that he gives in to despair.

He's stuck in that hatred, in that desire to meet Crusch's expectations, and in that moment where a starving child begged to be released and was finally brought into the light. In many ways, he acts like a child.

This is quite literally represented in him preventing himself from going through puberty; a symbol in many stories of transitioning from childhood to adulthood. He sees his current form as a shackle whether he realizes it or not.

Now does that mean that Ferris should disregard his femininity entirely? Throwing away the representation of his love for Crusch and something that has defined him for so long seems as self-destructive as staying stuck. What's the solution? Where is his arc going?

Well, before that, I want to cover one last thing before I have to delve into Arc 8 spoilers. There's a bit of a side tangent I want to go on.

With everything I've been able to point out up to here, it's clear that Ferris is a remarkably complex character. There's so much to read into and talk about.

So why is he so hated?

He's so similar to Subaru, possibly the most popular character in the novel fandom. Despite all the claims of him being the worst and me highlighting his character's flaws, he hasn't done anything more morally dubious than the vast majority of characters in this series, even when he was pushed to the edge. This is especially true when compared to some of the most popular characters like Subaru or Roswaal. Hell, characters even more directly belligerent than Ferris like Priscilla don't get half the hate (though Priscilla's perception has...its own issues).

Why does he get disregarded so often? Why is he often treated as shallow fetish fuel? Why is he just reduced to being an asshole in every discussion that involves him?

Well, I have a few I can point out.

The first is, most obviously, misinformation. A large portion of the novel reader base has not read Arcs 1-4 in the LN and has very warped views of some of the characters in that section of the story. Ferris is just the most blatant example.

I can't count the number of times I've heard people just blatantly lie about or exaggerate what Ferris did in Arc 3. From the "mana bomb" that has LITERALLY no basis in the text to the "brainwashing" scene treated as a comedy bit that is exaggerated to hell, people go out of their way to interpret him in the worst light possible.

Many of the people who haven't read those sections then see Ferris's ribbing of Subaru in Arc 5 and then run with those pieces of misinformation; spreading it to the point that many believe some blatant lies to be fact.

The second is simply that a lot of people in the fandom don't read the side stories. I don't particularly blame a lot of these people, as there is a lot to get through, but there are a lot of people who take advantage of this for...certain reasons.

This leads to the third point...shipping. Ferris suffers from "Die for our ship" syndrome (https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DieForOurShip…). A lot of people like Crusch x Subaru and Crusch loves Ferris so that ends up being more than enough for some people to hate him.

That's not representative of even close to every Crusch x Subaru shipper, of course, it's just a notable trend that it's hard to pretend doesn't exist with some of them.

All of these factors often go hand-in-hand with the final factor: the fandom's immense double standards when it comes to certain characters.

I'm not going to go into deep detail with this as it would distract from the main point of the thread...but you know what I mean if you've interacted with the community for a significant period of time. It also doesn't help that many of the same people in this category tend to be incredibly bigoted.

Ferris isn't the only character subjected to these double standards, as characters like Emilia and Ram often face similar purposeful misinterpretations, but his frequently unfair critiques have affected his reputation negatively perhaps more than any other.

This isn't to say that this is all true for everyone who hates Ferris. There are numerous reasons you may just not be interested in his character.

However, I feel it's dishonest to pretend Ferris isn't often targeted far more than other characters for often lacking reasons.

With that out of the way, I can move on to the last thing I wanted to cover in this thread. I have established a lot here, so I want to speculate about the future.

From this point forward there are unmarked Arc 8 spoilers, so...you can't argue I wasn't careful. I don't blame you at all for leaving now and I thank you for reading my ramblings.

Are you still here? Ok, let's start.

With all of the above established, I want to return to the question of where Ferris' arc will go in the future. My belief? I think it will be something similar to what Pre-Amnesia Crusch has already realized, with Felix’s closest parallel in Subaru being close to doing the same.

Crusch, as I mentioned before, has found balance in the two aspects of her life. Throughout the story, she switches seamlessly between the two without a second thought. She is comfortable and happy with both parts of herself.

Subaru is also on a similar path. He feels most comfortable in embracing his feminine side, idealizing it through Natsumi. All his confidence is channeled into that persona, while the other two aspects of his personality (his main self who has all the self-worth of an abandoned puppy and his child self who is representative of his more masculine traits) are imbalanced.

Arc 8 seems to be going in a direction where he realizes how important all of these aspects of him are. All 3 have flaws. None of them are "complete," just pieces of the coherent whole that is Natsuki Subaru.

I believe a similar thing will happen with Ferris.

He will need to find a balance between Ferris, his feminine side that has defined him for so long, and Felix the masculine identity he craves. He needs to find a role that makes him as happy as Crusch was, accepting who he is while striving to become who he wants to be.

I don't expect that to be easy though. In fact, I think the path to get there will be immensely messy and self-destructive.

The idea of Ferris having a breakdown or lashing out has been well-foreshadowed throughout the story. He has had numerous smaller outbursts and has displayed similar problems to Arc 3 Subaru when pushed to an extreme. There's a large amount of toxicity in him that will rush out, sooner or later. It will likely take similar levels of suffering to force him to get a grip, possibly hurting Crusch in the process.

Who do I believe to be the trigger for this? My best guess is Capella.

It is quite possible Capella freed Sphinx and recreated her arms initially. Why would she do this? Why not? We're seeing firsthand how much of a monster Sphinx can be with the Sacrament of the Immortal King. Why wouldn't someone like Capella want something like that under her control?

Of course, Sphinx is almost certainly dying soon. Capella will need a replacement, and who's the only other potential user of the Sacrament? Ferris.

There's also the idea that Capella may have poisoned the Royal Family and, most importantly, Fourier. If Capella does become the main antagonist for Ferris, that could serve as motivation for him to want her dead regardless of his own reservations about killing.

Adding onto this is the fact that shapeshifting is a power with a long history of being associated with identity issues. Tappei likes making his antagonists strong narrative foils to his protagonists, so it would be interesting to contrast Ferris' identity issues with the potentially strong identity issues of Capella.

Finally, there's a lot of potential for her tragic past to parallel Ferris' past, with many implications that the Royal Family may not exactly have treated Emerada the best. The idea that the Royal Family may have locked her away is not implausible and it could make their connections even stronger.

Whatever that breakdown leads to, I expect Crusch and/or Subaru to be the one who snaps him out of it. This will likely be the catalyst that forces Ferris to find a balance. He'll need to let go of things like his self-blame over being unable to help Fourier, his internalized hatred of his current identity, his idealization of Crusch, and his need to save everyone. Ferris's love will finally allow him to grow and change into a person who is the middle ground between his desires and his true self.

After all, that's what Re: Zero is truly about: love and growth. Almost every character reflects this and, if my interpretation of Ferris is right, he could embody that theme just as much as Subaru himself does.

He could be a shining bastion of what this story is all about.

Of course, this is all just my interpretation and speculation. If you disagree with it, feel free to. I just hope I was able to make you appreciate Ferris a bit more/changed your mind on how much potential his character has.

I wish whoever is reading this a nice day!

#re zero kara hajimeru isekai seikatsu #re zero #arc 8 spoilers #ferris #re:zero #rezero

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crematedpast · 8 days

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Touya Todoroki is BPD coded and let me tell you why.

So let's look at the definition of Borderline Personality Disorder before I get into this short observation.

It's no secret that Dabi has an unstable mentality, which includes impulsive behaviors, low self worth (leading to suicidal ideations I'll touch on later), extreme levels of emotions including anger and heavy feelings of emptiness.

One of the biggest symptoms of BPD is intense fear of abandonment.

Let me start this off by saying borderline is a trigger based disorder. People are not born with borderline, it's a disorder caused by continuous abuse and life experiences that causes an unstable mentality and unregulated emotions (likely never taught to them in childhood).

That being said, mostly commonly borderline episodes come from a trigger. Real or perceived abandonment is an example of a trigger. In Touya's case, the level of extreme abandonment Endeavor presented him with after telling Touya his entire childhood had one purpose and then disregarding Touya because of his fire related injuries can be considered an extreme level of childhood abandonment (which is an ongoing trigger for Touya).

In early childhood, you can see symptoms of Touyas fear of abandonment (or rejection) when he was trying to confide in Natsuo.

Touya felt he could confide in Natsuo because he didn't feel like it was safe enough to confide in other members of his family, and once he was presented with rejection from someone he trusted,

He was triggered.

As you can see, his level of emotion skyrocketed with panic once he was presented with another level of abandonment, confirmed with what he said that he felt abandoned by Natsuo and pleaded with him to not reject Touya like Endeavor did.

Touya's level of high emotion has canonly been explored, with his fire raising in temperature if his emotions are strong enough. To the point he cried fire because his emotions were so high (thus burning his tear ducts and rendering him unable to cry).

Another symptom of Borderline is "Threats of suicide or self-injury, often in response to fears of separation or rejection." And it has been shown time and time again that Touya completely disregards his wellbeing in order to avoid rejection.

In adulthood, Dabi shows several symptoms of having BPD, but I'll explore only one of them briefly.

Another case of Touya exhibiting symptoms of BPD, is low self worth and suicide ideations. Dabi never intended to live.

You can see in the later chapters of the manga, he absolutely does not care if he dies and intended to bring Endeavor with him, and in a state of impulsive behavior and likely delirious with pain, wished his family would die too.

I can't imagine how painful it was for Touya to live the way he did, and it's extremely unfortunate that after all the suffering he went through, all of that emotional torture and physical medical trauma, on the brink of death, is what made his family realize what they did to him.

Taking responsibility in interpersonal relationships with someone who has BPD is a crucial part of helping them manage it. Even if they can't ever be truly forgiven, someone willing to understand is a milestone in borderline recovery. I hope Touya will find the support and love that he desperately needs. Especially if he does struggle with borderline.

A support system willing to come from a place of understanding I think is especially meaningful to someone who lives with this disorder. I can't imagine how Touya must be feeling about all of this, but I have hope in his recovery!

#touya todoroki #dabi #todoroki touya #borderline personality disorder #touya has bpd #i burned out halfway through this but thats okay i made my point.

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alanshemper · 5 months

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There are other reasons why environmentalism might have looked like a bourgeois playground to Said. The Israeli state has long coated its nation-building project in a green veneer – it was a key part of the Zionist ‘back to the land’ pioneer ethos. And in this context trees, specifically, have been among the most potent weapons of land grabbing and occupation. It’s not only the countless olive and pistachio trees that have been uprooted to make way for settlements and Israeli-only roads. It’s also the sprawling pine and eucalyptus forests that have been planted over those orchards, as well as over Palestinian villages, most notoriously by the Jewish National Fund, which, under its slogan ‘Turning the Desert Green’, boasts of having planted 250 million trees in Israel since 1901, many of them non-native to the region. In publicity materials, the JNF bills itself as just another green NGO, concerned with forest and water management, parks and recreation. It also happens to be the largest private landowner in the state of Israel, and despite a number of complicated legal challenges, it still refuses to lease or sell land to non-Jews.

...

The JNF is an extreme and recent example of what some call ‘green colonialism’. But the phenomenon is hardly new, nor is it unique to Israel. There is a long and painful history in the Americas of beautiful pieces of wilderness being turned into conservation parks – and then that designation being used to prevent Indigenous people from accessing their ancestral territories to hunt and fish, or simply to live. It has happened again and again. A contemporary version of this phenomenon is the carbon offset. Indigenous people from Brazil to Uganda are finding that some of the most aggressive land grabbing is being done by conservation organisations. A forest is suddenly rebranded a carbon offset and is put off-limits to its traditional inhabitants. As a result, the carbon offset market has created a whole new class of ‘green’ human rights abuses, with farmers and Indigenous people being physically attacked by park rangers or private security when they try to access these lands. Said’s comment about tree-huggers should be seen in this context.

...

But this only scratches the surface of what we can learn from reading Said in a warming world. He was, of course, a giant in the study of ‘othering’ – what is described in Orientalism as ‘disregarding, essentialising, denuding the humanity of another culture, people or geographical region’. And once the other has been firmly established, the ground is softened for any transgression: violent expulsion, land theft, occupation, invasion. Because the whole point of othering is that the other doesn’t have the same rights, the same humanity, as those making the distinction. What does this have to do with climate change? Perhaps everything.

We have dangerously warmed our world already, and our governments still refuse to take the actions necessary to halt the trend. There was a time when many had the right to claim ignorance. But for the past three decades, since the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change was created and climate negotiations began, this refusal to lower emissions has been accompanied with full awareness of the dangers. And this kind of recklessness would have been functionally impossible without institutional racism, even if only latent. It would have been impossible without Orientalism, without all the potent tools on offer that allow the powerful to discount the lives of the less powerful. These tools – of ranking the relative value of humans – are what allow the writing off of entire nations and ancient cultures. And they are what allowed for the digging up of all that carbon to begin with.

2 June 2016

#naomi klein #edward said #climate change #palestine #israel #london review of books #environmentalism #conservation #jewish national fund #jnf

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ihopesocomic · 1 month

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You've probably gotten a lot of messages like this before but I wanted to just thank you guys for showing a form of abuse that isn't only physical and still calling it abuse and not hand waving it away. So many stories that include abuse tend to assume that it only counts as abuse if it's physical. They ignore mental and emotional abuse entirely and if they do acknowledge it, it's portrayed as not that bad and something you need to forgive your abusers for.

As someone who's still coming to terms with my own experience with a similar kind of abuse that Adamant and Hope faced, your comic makes me feel seen and validated in my feelings and especially in my choice to cut off the family that hurt me. Seeing Adamant and Hope leave and not be shunned for it was such a relief and breath of fresh air after so much media tells you to forgive people who hurt you, especially if they are family.

again, thank you. I'm forever thankful this comic exists. you two are fantastic and I can't wait to see where the story goes :)

Thank you so so much, anon. We feel mixed emotions when we get asks like this because it's nice to hear but it's also so hard to hear our readers dealing with what we've dealt with and it's also hard to articulate how much we hear you and how sorry we are.

What you're saying is such a good point. Emotional abuse is so often discounted and watered down and even disregarded as being hurtful. It also doesn't help that even physical abuse gets the same treatment. Especially when it's just dismissed as 'discipline' or a 'loss of control'. But going back to emotional abuse, this is one of the main things that we wanted to so desperately try and portray vs. how My Pride had portrayed it. The very idea that emotional abuse at the hands of your family isn't actually abuse because it's just them loving you and 'wanting what's best for you'.

Which is so ridiculous because overprotectiveness can very, very easily mutate into smothering and parents feeling that their children have zero agency or identity outside of themselves, especially if you're disabled. Parents like this don't deserve humanisation or sympathy. Their actions are possessive and unhealthy and may be a indication they're suffering from a form of abuse themselves.

My Pride could have tackled this with Powerstrike. She lost her mate and son. Her culture is heavily against her and her own sense of agency. However, the script is too busy highlighting how she feels 'weak' because her daughter is disabled and can seemingly do nothing to fulfil this unachievable image she has of her.

It's how you know the script was written by an able-bodied individual, somebody who will never know that this kind of thing makes you feel like utter dirt as somebody who isn't a "perfect" neurotypical, able-bodied individual.

Even if the creator is neurodivergent herself, this was such a huge ball to drop. Powerstrike saying 'whenever I look at you, I only see what you could have been' is very much a fucking Powerstrike problem and she deserves to rot for it. Being viewed under the lens of what you "could" be if you didn't have a physical disability or conditions that cause developmental delays like autism is downright devastating for those who have them and fuck that show for trying to humanise Powerstrike by having her spout such garbage.

There was nothing remotely sympathetic about that speech. It was just Powerstrike whining about having a disabled daughter and the context of the speech is that she was called out for not caring about her children and the creator somehow thinks that her child being disabled.... excuses that?

I apologise for going off on a rant, but Powerstrike's speech fits the bill exactly with what what you're talking about because MP fans have fallen for it hook, line and sinker and refused to see how gross it is because Powerstrike never physically abused Nothing like Quickmane did. Even though it is very obviously emotional abuse and manipulation.

It'd be great if we could just assume this is just superfans defending their favourite show's honour because god forbid something they enjoy is delivering problematic messages like how parents who have an ableist perception of their children deserve sympathy, but we've had people come to us and directly point to the show's writing as a reason for them failing to identify valid forms of abuse and therefore feel they cannot act upon it or seek help for it.

May not be what the creator intended because she was presumably high off her own fumes when she wrote speeches like Powerstrike's, but that's the reality and making excuses for it like MP fans have isn't going to make the issue get any better.

Doing this comic has allowed me to confront the same feelings you have also had to contend with, anon, and I'm very happy we have been able to share something together there. You and others like you also make me feel less alone and less angry about what I've experienced and I hope you never forget that. - RJ

#ask #ask us stuff #rj answers #my pride mention #comic praise #tw abuse

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zvtara-was-never-canon · 10 days

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I think ZKs are projecting Sokka onto Katara. Since let’s think about it, how much of their claims applies more to Sokka?

1. Being one of Zuko’s foils. 2. Being a “Parent” of the group. Sokka does want to be seen as the leader and he often behaves as the Dad Friend. 3. X Has irrational hatred for the Fire Nation, which Zuko and a few others helps him with. 4. Their stories making it make sense to pair them together. As mentioned, Sokka does want to be the Leader. 5. Zuko understands Sokka better than Katara.

Sorry to disappoint, anon, but I STRONGLY disagree.

On them supposedly being narrative foils

Zuko has three narrative foils: Aang, Ozai and Azula. The show goes out of it's way to make that clear through tons of episodes directly highlighting how simmilar Zuko is to Aang, designing Ozai to look like an older version of him that doesn't have the scar, and Azula is a look at the tragic fate he would have had if he had stood by his father's side until the bitter end.

Sokka wanting to be a warrior is not that special in a series about martial arts/war, and him wanting to be the leader is constantly shown as being about his relationship with Hakoda. At most, the "I want to make my father proud" thing would be the real parallel here (and one paralel does not make characters true foils to each other), with Hakoda being a good dad that is worth admiring and taking inspiration from, while Ozai is the cautionary tale his son needs to use as the exemple of what NOT to do.

Leader/Parent

Sokka is not the parent of the group, and neither is Zuko. Katara is the mom friend, and she has mixed feelings about it exactly because, while she naturally takes on that role, she's the ONLY ONE to do so, and thus she sometimes resents her own motherly nature because she fears her friends see her as "mom friend" first and "one of us" second.

As for the leader of the group, that is very clearly Aang, with Katara taking charge/co-leading sometimes because, duh, he's the main character and the whole show is about HIS mission, of course he calls the shots.

Sokka, at most, has moments of frustration when people are being stupid or disregarding a plan, and the show constantly makes fun of him for taking himself too seriously and trying to pretend he is the "adult in charge". Not at all the same as being the dude in charge of changing an entire nation's philosophy on war - which is ALSO very different from being the dad friend or a leader of a small squad.

Racism VS Righteous Anger

Zuko was indoctrinated from birth to be an entitled, selfish, racist prince, and he also experience emotional and physical abuse, as well as victim blaming after it, and it all made him prone to lashing out at people who have done literally nothing to deserve it. He is trying to help his family, and Fire Lord, commit genocide.

Sokka meanwhile hates the Fire Nation for the DECADES of raids on his tribe that killed his culture and his mother, and forced his father to leave. Still, he speaks out against things like Jet's plan to kill a bunch of innocent people to "free" them from the Fire Nation, doesn't have anything against Piandao, is horrified by Hama's actions, and accepts Zuko into the group once he proves he truly has changed and doesn't want to harm them.

He wasn't eager to save the guy that was constantly chasing him, his friend and his sister around the world, and was willing to kill a tyrant to save himself and others. That is not the same as "irrational hatred" - no, I don't care what a spirit that will not be killed if the Fire Nation wins the war has to say on the matter, it's really easy to say "violence is always bad, even in self-defense" when you're not the one in danger.

"They understand each other more, so it makes sense to pair them together"

Does it? Does it though? Because The Boiling Rock makes a running joke of how much of a not ideal match they are. Awkward silence during their conversation followed by an equally awkward "that's rough, buddy", and Sokka CONSTANTLY not understanding what in the fuck Zuko is talking about when trying to give advice.

Sure, they managed to make it work in the end, but that's not the same as the effortless pair up of Aang and Zuko in the Blue Spirit episode, or Azula always knowing how to get to Zuko so he puts himself in vulnerable position during a fight (and him then using her own tactic against her in the finale) but also working as a great duo with him in Ba Sing Se without having to say a word, or even the time he and Iroh fought against the earthbenders in book 1.

Just because Zuko reacted when Sokka said the word "honor" and they talked about girlfriend trouble doesn't mean they have some deep understanding for one another. Sokka is legitimately one of the few characters that has even LESS of a connection with Zuko than Katara. They're on the same side and they're friends, but they're not as close to each other as they are to literally everyone else in their friend group.

#anti zukka

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girl4music · 6 months

Text

So I was watching ‘Once More, With Feeling’ earlier and I was paying more attention to stuff that was happening in the background instead of the forefront because I wanted to see the town folk being compelled to sing and dance and what craziness ensued. And I noticed Willow and Tara’s physical distance a lot in the background of the Magic Box.

The absolute contrast between Willow and Tara sitting around the Magic Box table so close together with hands and arms touching to such distance between them when they’re sat around it later after Tara finds out what Willow did to her the episode before… and what had happened earlier in this episode with them…

God the pain. This is what I mean about how there should be no physical intimacy at all between them while Tara is under that spell. Never mind just sex. Because you know Tara wouldn’t consent to it if she had had her memories. The fact Willow took away her autonomy just so she didn’t have to confront Tara’s disapproval of her use and abuse of magic and so she could continue to make love with a compliant Tara who’s emotional state was altered because of the spell… It really is a double-layered rape/sexual assault.

How could anyone do that to someone they claim to love? It’s fucking horrifying. Henious. Absolutely evil.

Especially since Willow knows the life Tara had had before with her abusive relatives. And as Tara mentions when she confronts Willow in ‘Tabula Rasa’ - what Glory did to her. I just don’t understand how Willow could do that to the woman she loves. And we know she loves her. We know she loves her more than anyone. And we also know she wouldn’t like that being done to her either because her own autonomy is incredibly important and she’d regard it as violation if someone just erased her memories about something that made her upset or angry or disappointed too.

It hurts. It really does hurt as a shipper of them and it honestly has to be the most egregious thing you see any of the main protagonists do in the entire show not just because it’s messing with someone’s mind, but because physical intimacy is involved in the meanwhile it’s messed with. I know Whedon did not intend for ‘Under Your Spell’ to be viewed like this but it is unfortunately how it has to be viewed because if we’re understanding the metaphors of magic = sex in Season 4 and magic = drugs in Season 6 then this is drug-induced date rape. The whole arc with them for the episode. Not just the spell. Not just the sex. The whole manipulation of altering or erasing someone’s mental autonomy to ignore, disregard or even take away their bodily autonomy. It’s the fact Tara cannot validly consent to any of it because if she could it would mean that she’d be aware about the deception and she wouldn’t allow any physical intimacy between them until she resolved her fight with Willow. So any physical intimacy or closeness whatsoever is wrong because it’s not something she would be doing if she had her memories and her true emotional state on it. Her autonomy wouldn’t be violated if she was aware about the fight and the way she felt about the fight. It’s because she isn’t aware why her consent to any physical intimacy between her and Willow is invalid.

I swear I feel like I’m the only one who realizes just how bad what Willow does is because my autonomy is very important to me the way it is very important to Willow. If it goes against MY will - then it’s not valid. And if there’s anybody in the whole show who should understand this it’s Willow. So that’s why it’s so bad. Because she wouldn’t allow it to happen to herself and therefore as soon as Tara said that it was a violation, it should have clicked with her. And yet… it just doesn’t.

How can you be so aware of your own will and yet so oblivious of somebody else’s will at the same time? 🫤

I think it goes all the way back to the ‘Will Be Done’ spell in ‘Something Blue’. She never intended to hurt her friends. It was just a mistake what ended up happening to them. But she wasn’t thinking about them when she attempted to have her will be done with magic. She was only ever thinking about herself. She’s a compassionate person but her mentality is “me me me” all the time. She never seems to look at a situation and not see herself and her own views there. And it’s like the more and more powerful she gets, the more selfish and arrogant and entitled she becomes.

And so we get to Season 6 and she’s saying she’s doing all she’s doing with her powerful magic to “help” and to “heal” and to “make things better”. And her intentions may be true with that but what happens doesn’t help or heal or make things better. Just worse. There is such a disconnect with her ideal and with her reality that it just doesn’t click for her at all that what she’s doing is wrong, is bad, is violating, … is evil. And she’s such a fascinating character to unravel all this with because she is a main protagonist. She is a Scooby. She is someone who you should be rooting for. Agreeing with. Condoning the actions of. But - how can you when all it does is just causes chaos?

I’m not saying she doesn’t care about doing the right thing. I’m saying that she doesn’t recognize that it isn’t right even when she can see the destruction it causes. And that is what is just so fascinating to me about her. That she doesn’t see it herself as wrong. How many actual villains start off that way in storytelling? That view their actions and choices as heroism even when it’s hurting and harming others? Even when it’s causing destruction and chaos and devastation? And how many of them see that it is? Before they’re ever the villain in the story… how many characters start off believing that they’re benevolent before they make the switch to “I am the evil villain”?

It really is no wonder why Willow Rosenberg is my favourite character in the entire Buffyverse when I get this much substance and depth out of her character.

#buffy the vampire slayer #once more with feeling #under your spell #willow and tara #willow rosenberg #alyson hannigan #amber benson #tara maclay #physical intimacy #violation #magic #autonomy #will #consent #characterization #character representation #character development #storytelling

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spittingbloodandscreaming · 4 months

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may be an odd request but i was wondering if you could write a fic with a male!reader and vampire!g way that's a tad bit angsty :3?

not odd at all!! sorry if I went a little wild, but I had a vison and I ran with it

Vampire!Gerard Way x Male Reader Angst

WARNINGS: mention of prior abusive relationship, mention of death (gerard did it)

Tonight was the kind of situation where you had no real option other than to leave the bar, sit on the curb, and light a cigarette. Gerard stands a few feet away; as vampires are highly flammable. It’s gotten nearly pitch black out—you aren’t sure what time it is, but you know you should start getting home. Gerard says it before you stand up, though, which makes it seem like it was his idea. Something about that irks you.

“We really should go,” Gerard clears his throat, messing with the sleeves of his jacket as he speaks. “I know you’re upset, but—”

“Why am I upset Gerard? Tell me, what could’ve possibly happened?” You practically bare your teeth as you talk, staring at the burning tip of your cigarette as you speak. Gerard says nothing. You don’t like smoking—you only tend to do it when you’re guilty. Weirdly enough, you think you might be. You aren’t entirely sure why, but you have an intense feeling that something is wrong with you right now. You ruined the night out with a poorly-timed outburst over a dead bartender.

Gerard sits down on the curb with you. He knows you guys aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. He gets close to you, almost shoulder to shoulder—completely disregarding the lit cigarette in your hand. If you weren’t depressingly upset, you’d find that romantic, the way he’s risking his safety to be near you. You don’t notice, though. You shouldn’t be this upset, you know that. You’re ruining everything by doing this. You curse yourself under your breath.

You knew the bartender who died—you dated him in high school. You also knew that Gerard killed him, and, well, it shouldn’t bother you. But it does. One of the baristas told you about the death, how they think it was a wild animal, how his throat was torn from his body. It gives you chills. It doesn’t even bother you that Gerard killed a man, I mean, you knew it would happen. It wouldn’t bother you at all if you hadn’t dated the guy.

It was only for a few years, but it left a mark on you. A bad one. He was a bad guy, you know that. He’d get physical during fights, he’d cheat, he’d flirt with people in front of you. And, in the end, he was the one who left you. You never told Gerard ‘cause you were ashamed. You were embarrassed you’d stayed with him that long. You still feel that way. You’re worried that if he ever knew, he’d think less of you. None of that explains why you’re so mad about him dying though. Maybe you wish you could’ve done it yourself, maybe you’re still upset you weren’t the one to break it off. But really, you’re upset you never got an apology from him. You never got closure or even a sliver of remorse. It almost feels disloyal, being so upset over this. He doesn’t matter.

It shouldn’t matter, but you’re crying, and you don’t know how long you’ve been crying, and you’re not sure you’ve really stopped crying since you were fifteen.

You put your cigarette out on the concrete, crushing it as you do so. It’s started raining, or, by the looks of it, it’s been raining. Your shirt is soaked and so are the fronts of your pants. Gerard leans into you shakily, putting his face against your neck. You’re both so cold, and even though Gerard is always cold, he shivers. You wonder briefly if he did that just for show. He sighs lightly, and you realize that he has been crying too.

“I’m really sorry.” His voice is soft and pitiful.

“It’s okay. I’m sorry I ruined our night out.”

“I didn’t know you liked him, honest.” Gerard pulls away to look at you, and seeing his tear-stained face softly lit by the LED signs of the bar window is enough to have your eyes welling with tears again.

“I don’t baby, he’s just a guy.”

#my chemical romance #mcr x reader #mcr fanfiction #gerard way x reader #gerard way angst #gerard way x male reader #gerard way x reader angst #vampire gerard #my chem fanfic #my chem gerard #vampire gerard x reader #my chemical romance fanfiction

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diakaoniii · 2 years

Text

— yuma mukami

TW: Sexual abuse

“Ah…Hah”

After he had finally freed himself from you, you were gasping for air while nakedly laying on your back on the enormous, plush bed. You didn't like it at all. All you felt was pain and fear.

Why...

Why is he treating you like this? Why does he touch your body without your consent?

This had nothing to do with love.

It didn't matter how many times you challenged him, he always came out on top. The whole of your body, including your face, was covered with bruises.

Would passing away relieve you of this agony for good?

You were so worn out that you were unable to even open your eyes. You just lay there. You attempted to dislodge Yuma from your grasp by pressing your small hands against his strong chest and pushing him away from you.

He frowned at this gesture and spoke in an angry tone;

“Oi, sow. What the hell are ya doing!? Do you want more wound and bruise on your body? It's not a problem for me!”

You let out a painful moan as he gave you a smack that was so forceful that it caused the inside corner of your lips to bleed. You were certain that you were going to have a bruise on your face after the incident. You moaned in pain as you tenderly put a shaky palm to your face, and you did so while shaking slightly.

You were sobbing not because of physical pain but rather because of emotional anguish.

When did the guy who you previously loved become such an entirely different person? The changes to him brought to your attention, but you chose to disregard them.

After all, he was a vampire.

A vampire would be very protective of the person he cared about, even to the point of taking lives for his woman.

Especially in the event that the woman that he loves is a human being.

He is jealous of even his brothers.

One day, he punched Kou till his face was covered with blood to suck your blood.

Didn't it upset him to see his own brother covered in blood?

Since then, he has undergone an important shift in behavior for you. He used to want you to help him in the garden, but now he forbids you to even step out of his room Every time you try to go out this room, all you get is a few bruises and broken bones…

You gently opened your eyes and made a sound like you were attempting to speak. You were so exhausted that it was difficult to even to speak right now.

You forced yourself to plead in a low, tired voice.

“Yuma-Kun... I'm sorry if I made you angry; that was not my intention. I simply can't get over how weary I am, and the pain in my thigh is becoming worse. Let me get some rest, please—”

He clamped his hand firmly around your hair and yanked you closer to him;

“What, ya believe I care about anything or something I care about, sow? I will not stop until I am satisfied. Moreover—”

He put his free arm around your waist while one hand grasped your hair securely and stroked your body in a slow with lust. He buried his head in your delicate neck and spoke those words in a raspy voice that would send shivers down your spine.

“I want to have children. Tonight, I'll make sure you're pregnant. I don't care whether y'a want it or not; y'a will give birth to my baby.”

After he finished speaking, he released his hold on your hair and let you drop into the bed. You were terrified; you didn't want that. Your eyes were filled with tears, and your whole body was shaking. You forgot about how weary you were because of the unadulterated terror that you felt.

This is not the guy you allowed yourself to fall in love with.

“No, Y-yuma-Kun… *sob* P-please d-on't do it to me— *sob* I-I am not r-ready t-to be a m-mother yet.”

Crying was the only thing you were capable of doing at that moment because you were too weak to stop him.

“No...”

“It is now too late, sow… Nobody asked you if you were ready.”

When his members nudged you into womanhood, your cries of desperation became louder.

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overmorrowpine · 6 months

Text

Peril of the SkyWings and personality disorders (she has them)

not all of them; that's a LOT of disorders, and i'd be severely impressed if i met someone with all of them, lol. but zooming in to cluster b (as i don't feel the others fit her, but feel free to present your own evidence in the notes), i felt like both aspd and bpd fit her.

(i myself have npd, so like i promise this isn't gonna be used to demonize her)

first, let's look at aspd. the criteria are as follows:

1. failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest 2. deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure 3. impulsivity or failure to plan ahead 4. irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults 5. reckless disregard for safety of self or others 6. consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations 7. lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another. B. The individual is at least age 18 years. C. There is evidence of conduct disorder with onset before age 15 years. D. The occurrence of antisocial behavior is not exclusively during the course of schizophrenia or a manic episode.

one requires three of the one through seven list, and Peril fits 3, 4, and 7. she also might fit 1, but as the wings of fire world doesn't have strict laws, it's hard to tell. with 4, she cannot get in physical fights without severely hurting or killing her opponent, but she constantly thinks about it and has to talk herself out of it. 5 might also fit, but it's hard to hurt her, and she tries very hard not to hurt others now that she's out from under Queen Scarlet's claws.

age is weird for these guys, but i'd put her at a year older than Clay (who is like, 7 or 8 now, right?) so she is an adult by dragon standards, albeit a young adult, and these symptoms have persisted since she was very young. she also, as far as i believe, does not have schizophrenia or manic episodes, so criteron D goes out the window.

so! judging by those criteria, she has aspd. but there's more to the lived experience than that, so basing it off of what i've seen pwASPD say when they talk about their experience, let's look at what goes on inside of her head.

she consistently has to talk herself out of setting other dragons on fire, as for the vast majority of her life that has been the entire reason for her existence (quite literally; she would've been killed if Scarlet didn't want a fun new toy (ew).) she also bases her morals on what Clay would want her to do, and how he would react to her hurting someone. she also has a hard time with empathy (i would say she has none. same, Peril, same) and struggles with knowing what to say in a situation, as well as being ruthlessly practical to the point of being read as completely uncaring & still a monster (that last one is from my own experiences w aspd traits, but i feel like it fits). also, Starflight made an offhanded comment about her being a sociopath, and while that is Not Cool on his part, it does point towards her having aspd even more.

now! bpd time. the symptoms are as follows:

1. Fear of abandonment

2. Unstable or changing relationships

3. Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self

4. Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors (e.g., excessive spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).

5. Suicidal behavior or self-injury

6. Varied or random mood swings

7. Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness

8. Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

9. Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality

one requires five of these in order to fit the criteria, and in my eyes, she has them. she has 1 (constantly worried Clay will no longer like her due to her actions)

3 (if i remember correctly she outright thinks "who am i when i'm not killing other dragons?" as well as struggling for the whole of her book and probably both before it and after it with being Scarlet's creature, and who she is now that she's free of her)

4 (she betrays Scarlet in Clay's book despite knowing that Scarlet will not like it, and in her own book you consistently see her making big decisions without thinking them through all the way. see: her leaving Jade Mountain to go after Scarlet, burning Darkstalker's scroll, falling back in with her dad and Scarlet (part of that is the enchantment, and part of it is the childhood trauma, but i feel like it fits here).

7 (she bases her worth on her usefulness; first to Scarlet, then to Clay, and follows what they want to the detriment of herself)

8 (she's a very angry dragon. she gets irritated and annoyed very easily, and struggles not to hurt anyone due to that anger. you see her at the beginning of her book yelling inside her head about how she shouldn't HAVE to stay out of Ruby's way, and how OTHER DRAGONS should be more careful around her, and how if anyone hurts Clay she can't even THINK about it otherwise the cave will fill with rage smoke.)

she also has some of that black and white thinking in regards to most dragons; Clay is literally whom she bases her morals on, and if you aren't friends with Clay you're his enemy and she hates you.

she also has issues with jealousy; she's terrified that she won't be loved, and as a consequence Strongly Dislikes his friends due to fear they will convince him to no longer be her friend.

on top of that, Peril has very strong feelings; she either LOVES you or HATES you and there is rarely any in-between; the only notable exceptions are the rest of Jade Winglet, and Scarlet. we also see her have strong emotions; Clay will do something kind for her and she will, and I quote, "feel her entire soul turn into a fireball".

now, i don't live with either of these disorders, so feel free to add on things you think i missed, correct me on things i got wrong, or anything else.

but in conclusion: Peril has aspd & bpd, she would benefit strongly from a dragon therapist, and she is doing her fuckin best. also i love her.

#peril wof #wings of fire #escaping peril wof #sundrops

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shywhumpauthor · 10 months

Note

In between spy whumpee’s torture, can we get some of their backstory?

I really want Kaden to save them at the end in the canon storyline(only if you’re okay with it ofc)

We’re just going to pretend that this ask isn’t from January-

Kaden saving them? A crossover? Psh

Training With Clay

Surveillance Masterlist

Cw: abuse in the name of “training”, starvation, overworking, over exhaustion, dehydration, normalized abuse, blood, collapsing, preparations for self-sacrifice, accepting death as inevitable (even though it very much is avoidable), normalized no self worth, disregard for the value of life, all that fun stuff. Noah’s spy training was just really fucked up.

Stay still.

Stay silent. Stay still.

Sweat beaded on the back of Noah’s neck, cold and anxious. Saliva pooled beneath his tongue, but he didn’t even dare swallow, knowing what consequences even the slightest movement would bring.

Silent. Noah couldn’t remember the last time he had spoken. More than a few days, he knew, but he didn’t know if it had yet to pass a week point. Or two. In the Chamber, time was a privilege, one that only the higher ranking were permitted to exploit. It could have been months, and he would have been none the wiser.

Days were indistinguishable from the rest, blended together through the broken breaks of sleep and meals. The lights went off and back on. The silence rarely parted. He used to be able to tell the time, to some extent, by the ache in his bones, but that had faded long ago, the exhaustion from each day bleeding into the next with no noticeable improvement from rest.

At least today was an easier day. He had known that when instead of being ripped away from his cot, dragged to the floor by an arm or the back of his shirt, or jolted awake as a pail of ice water was dumped over him, he had woken up to the ear-splitting morning alarm in the training center.

It was Clay’s day, which Noah was beyond grateful for. Clay only worked with the informer recruits for one day a week, though those hours passed much too quickly. Clay wasn’t a saint by any means, sometimes they could be a real dick, but for the most part they were fine. Rude, a bit annoying at points, but they weren’t nearly as mean as some of the other instructors. They worked them to the point of failure, but not past. Encouraged to test their limits, but accepting of the failure. Displeased with it, obviously, but accepting.

With them, it wasn’t physical strain, not in the manner like it was with Aaron. He was the worst, by far. Bitter memories of running, sprinting on a treadmill in line with five others until Noah’s legs gave out, that couldn’t have been more than a week ago. Strength training wasn’t as important for informers as it would be for, say, soldiers, where brute force was a necessity in missions, just another form of practiced endurance. They weren’t really soldiers, none of these operations were connected to the military, but that’s just how they were referred. The job any given recruit in the room wished they had been assigned to rather than this. Noah wished he had been assigned to the technical division. It’s why he had applied for this entirely. He wasn’t amazing with computers, but compared to the other branches of recruits it seemed the most interesting.

Really, he had been most interested by a smaller branch within the tech division. He had wanted to become a coordinator, to put together the very missions he was now stuck preparing for now. Tech, technicalities. He had wanted to work with the logistics of the assignments and approaches, but instead he was the one following those orders. He hadn’t wanted this. He hadn’t wanted to be here. But he wasn’t given much of a choice, so here he was.

Noah’s class, as the supervisors called it, wasn’t that large. Twenty at the beginning of the program, dropped down to eighteen after the first two weeks. Noah wasn’t sure what had happened to them, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. All he knew was that they had failed.

The spies were made to look as inconspicuous as possible. Everyone in the room, there were little distinguishing factors between the recruits. They were all around the same height and the same build, hair cut neatly once but tangled with sweat and knots. Nothing more than average. It had been those features that ended him up in this division. They all wore the same uniform, once folded neatly and pressed shirts and shorts, now wrinkled and dirty. Even with Clay, it had been a long day. And it still wasn’t over.

“You weren’t chosen to fight. You were chosen to endure. Bear it.” Clay spoke, their voice ringing loudly through the empty room, over the shallow, exhausted breaths of the recruits. Bear it.

They weren’t chosen to fight. Or to plan. The only thing they needed to do was listen. Observe. Record, keep their cover. Stay silent upon capture, take the torture until death. Don’t give anything away.

That’s all this training was. Preparations for torture later on, not if but when. When they were sent on their mission. When they were captured. When.

Three months of hell. Three months of abuse of all kinds, preparing them for anything and everything that could happen. Exposing them to the pain they would face, building up their tolerance. After those three months were over, though, things would be better. Hell with a reprieve. After three months, and the Initiation—which anyone had yet to tell the recruits what that really was—they’d all get a break. A long time to rest, recover. To join the rest of the workers in the company, interact with people outside of their class until they were called for their mission.

Noah’s knees hurt. The idea was cruel, and he could only imagine what the bruises would look like the following morning, but it wasn’t half as bad as some of the other exposure. Every bone in his body ached from having to hold the position for hours on end, the grains of uncooked rice embedding deep into his shins. But it would go away, eventually. The bruises and the indents would fade, and there wouldn’t be any evidence of this trial. Of any of them. That was a big part of their tactics. Scars meant suspicion, and suspicion ruined the whole goal of going unnoticed.

Next to him, a recruit let out a trembling groan, their entire body shuddering in the corner of Noah’s vision, but he didn’t dare turn his head to look. Their pain was irrelevant to him. All that mattered was that he focused.

Focused on staying still and silent.

The recruit collapsed, falling forwards to the hard floor.

They were the fourth so far, and from what Noah could tell from around the room, they weren’t going to be the last.

Resourcefulness was another virtue they were taught, the most important as Clay had explained during their very first lesson. Anticipate what will happen. Don’t hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Use everything to your advantage.

That morning, after the recruits had all woken up, Noah had realized what day it was. With Clay, there were two breaks. One after the first exercise, then one at the very end of the day. During the first one, Noah had slipped away to the bathroom, where he had hunched over the sink and drank as much water from the tap as he could without getting sick. Dehydration was probably the worst and the most common factor that meddled with training. Some days they were given free water breaks, whenever they needed they were allowed to step away to get some. Other days they weren’t. He was prepared, unlike some of the others.

His mind was clouded with exhaustion and pain, but he wasn’t going delirious. That was always a good thing. Just focus on the good things. That’s all he could do.

Break them down.

Strip everything away until the canvas was bare.

Build them back up. Piece by piece.

Shatter the glass then melt the fragments back together to form a new pane.

Another recruit gave in, a defeated slump. Noah didn’t even notice. He kept his sight locked on a single grain of rice, fighting the exhaustion that tugged down on his eyelids.

A bead of sweat trickled down his forehead. Noah blinked it out of his eye.

…

“Settle.”

The command came like an answered prayer, a ray of golden sunlight breaking through a swirling mass of dark clouds. It took Noah a moment to process it, and another few to finally move. He had to think about it for a second, the resounding ache in his legs making it clear he wouldn’t be able to stand right away. So instead he shifted to the side, brushing the scattered rice away before lowering himself from his knees to sit. For the first time in hours, he looked across the the training hall.

There were only a handful of recruits still standing. Well, kneeling. Now sitting. The ones who had failed, probably eleven out of the eighteen of them, sat against the wall with their gaze downwards.

Noah grit his teeth, wincing as the weight was finally lifted off his knees. There were grains of rice embedded in his knees, small trickles of blood dripping down the skin from where he had moved too much. He bit down on his lip, gingerly brushing away the grains, having to pick the really deep ones away with his nails. It stung like hell, but it was nothing compared to what he had faced before. His legs screamed in both protest and relief as he stretched them for the first time in hours, cramped muscles twitching as he let himself rest from the rigid posture he held for much too long.

“Alright boys, showers and dinner.” Clay clapped their hands a single time, and the line of recruits against the wall quickly stood and began to shuffle out in a clump. Noah moved to follow them, unable to contain the groan as he attempted to get his legs underneath him, but Clay held out a hand, drawing the attention of those on the floor and shaking their head.

“Rest for another few minutes,” they said, the commanding tone dropping from their voice. Once the others had left, Clay spoke again. “You all did well today. Once the others finish in the bathroom, I’ll turn on the warm water and you can have an extra ten minutes. Sit for now.”

A prick of confusion invaded Noah’s mind, but he wasn’t about to question.

Clay’s cold eyes shifted to him, and Noah couldn’t drop his gaze before they made eye contact. The instructor was walking over to him, not giving Noah time to lapse into a mental panic before they were standing in front of him.

“You did better today, Noah,” They spoke quietly, adjusting their voice so the other recruits wouldn’t overhear as Clay crouched down not too far from him. They crossed their arms, gaze dropping to Noah’s bleeding knees. “Your progress hasn’t gone unnoticed along the supervisors. Come see me after you get cleaned up if you need some bandages or Motrin, alright?”

Clay waited for him to nod, voice lost as he was taken aback. Not just by the direct interaction from an instructor—which was rarely a good thing, but the offer. He didn’t know Clay knew his name even. Here, to instructors, recruits didn’t have names. He was eight, the number of the bunk he was assigned to.

By the time he broke out of the exhaustion laced stupor the interaction had caught him in, Clay had already moved on, walking down to the next recruit and stopping just in front of them. They remained standing.

He could just hear them say, “not bad, fourteen. Watch your breathing, you can let your posture ease more. That should help.”

——————————————————

Tag list: @pickleking8 @blood-enthusiast @t0rture-me @sparrowsage @enigmawritesstuff @whump-me

This was fun to write. I plan to do a lot of Noah in the next couple days so if there’s anything you want to see pleaseeee let me know

Anything at all.

Please.

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3ntity56 · 10 days

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Idk if I've ranted about this yet but I wanna get it off my chest. TW mentions of homicidal thoughts/slight graphic description (not coming from me), mention of incest/abuse (including sexual)

Back when I was still in contact with my previous FP, I decided I would tell him he was my FP. This was a vulnerable moment for me considering I was extremely afraid I'd be ostracized and rejected for it. So you can imagine how terrible it was when his reaction was NOT to ostracize me, but to tell me he wanted me dead. Yep. He freaked out which caused me to block him. He responded to this by waiting like 10 minutes and then texting my friends to unblock him because he still wanted to be friends and he accused me of 'not understanding him'. I suppose I should grant a bit of context, to be entirely fair to him: He was abused, physically and sexually, by his sister. So when he said I wasn't understanding him, he meant that I shouldn't be upset because His Trauma means he got to threaten to kill me. And it wasn't a one off thing either- he got into detail, saying how he was fantasizing about tearing me apart. He even stated himself that it wasn't intrusive thoughts-- it was a genuine wish to. He never apologized. He felt totally justified. And I felt he was too. Of course, right after that, I completely dogged on myself for reacting that way, and we went back to normal right up until our falling out. (During this he, again, accused me of not understanding him and essentially called me ridiculous.) But I feel like a major part of my dignity was torn away at the fact I was apologizing to the man who couldn't even dare to respect me. I know he had trauma. But that hadn't been the first time he had compared me to his abuser to my face, or completely disregarded how I felt about something. Typing this out now, though, I wonder once again if I truly was in the wrong. Then again, it wasn't like he ever loved me. He even said so himself.

#bpd vent #vent #incest mention #sa tw #abuse tw #homicidal ideation #entity says

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garfeildfanpage · 3 months

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To kind of add onto the Aoiaoi post from earlier I just wanted to include a few things I didn’t mention cause discourse

Akane didn’t strangle Aoi, but he still pushed her over, and proceeded to grab her by the neck and forced her upwards, hence the coughing. That’s still bad, actually!

Tbhktwt is having a moment right now, and I feel like a lot of people are either overblowing / diluting the conflict in the chapter. Akane is being forceful, both physically and not, and that’s not good! It’s obvious to say that in no other situation would Aoi have confronted her issues, but that doesn’t take away from the invasive act of it. He isn’t just forcing her to confront her feelings, he’s distressing her on purpose to prove his point, no matter his intentions he’s still doing something wrong. They’re both incredibly messed up individuals, and Aoi has a lot of blood on her hands as well.

Aoi intended on killing herself, and when Akane got in her way, she took him with her.

I’ve reread Akane & Aoi multiple times and still sit on the conclusion that their confrontation solved nothing. Akane is upset at Aoi for lying to people, but he doesn’t once try to rationalize why she’s doing so. Instead, he puts all the blame on her. He claims to understand her so deeply yet not once does he show her an ounce of grace. All he does is make her problems a “what about me?”, he doesn’t ask her anything, it’s all just what he thinks. “Why do you act like this?” Would’ve been a lot better than just getting in her face to yell, I think. Aoi has reasons for the way she acts, not excuses, but she tells him why she thinks that way and he still doesn’t get it. He repeatedly dismisses her distress, and gets in her space when she doesn’t want him to. She isn’t flustered, she’s uncomfortable. Which should be obvious considering the difference between the expressions she makes when she is! This chapter, and I really can’t stress this enough, is the farthest thing from romantic, and absolutely eons away from being even remotely healthy. This chapter is a hard and uncomfortable read, because of how deeply gross it is.

Aoiaoi is an incredibly complex relationship that shows two people in a toxic codependency, and Akane & Aoi is the absolute breaking point. They’re both fucked up in ways that only being apart can fix, and when forcing them to “confront” their issues, it’s just going to get messy. The objective view of them as peers is muddled when you focus on the imbalance between the two. Aoi has dealt with constant harassment from childhood, and as shown in the chapter, and has assumedly been mostly sexual harassment. And for Akane show such a clear disregard of her comfort is gross in basically every way. That is the rock bottom of Aoiaoi, and I am so tired of people justifying what happens just because they like them.

And I can repeat this a thousand times, every relationship in tbhk is flawed. But that doesn’t mean you should ignore the bad behavior in them, and using it as an excuse is exhausted and weird. You can like Aoiaoi all you want, but that doesn’t mean you should justify the bad shit! Every relationship is flawed, but that doesn’t mean they’re all flawed the same. Not everything is toxic yaoi, some things are just toxic, and acknowledging that is really important. Don’t justify abuse or mistreatment! I think!

I could restate the whole end-part of the original Aoiaoi post but I don’t feel like it. Uhmmmm I don’t hate Aoiaoi I just personally think they should be treated by the fandom at large with more tact and care. They’re volatile and in a lot of cases I see people just, ignore the toxicity, in favor of a cute ship and that’s not great. Understanding flaws within characters is important, don’t be dense, don’t be misogynistic! Cause Aoi hate is usually that! Akane hate isn’t though as much as I love him he has his,,,low points (this entire post) and deserves getting thrown through multiple stained glass windows

Uh ninja out bye

#hot cheese #jshk #tbhk #jibaku shounen hanako kun #toilet bound hanako kun #akane aoi #aoi akane #something about tagging uhm yeah #they make me ill In the bad way #I wish I had something positive to say about them but I care so little the only time I do is when i have something negative to say #I don’t hate straight people (lie) don’t hit me

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physicalee-tired · 9 months

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Fandom HCs

I might make a master list in the future but for now I just feel like screaming random headcanon’s into the void because I can. I will make other when the mood strikes but for now have fun with this 5-10 people who follow me lmaooo.

• Creepypasta

Non-Tk

I have a lot of opinions on this fandom but my number 1 is that Ticci Toby as a character (disregarding his creator) deserved better because let’s be real the fandom fucking BUTCHERED him 😭. As miserable little preteens we just turned him into a soft murderous boyfriend stand in (Jeff the Killer was the Hot Edgy Emo version of this). Another complain is his tics… they were never explicitly explained as to whether they were verbal or physical but… he never had a stutter in his poorly written origin story where did that come from??? Personally I think he whistles and snaps his fingers twice as a main tic while the others are things like twitching his neck and smacking his chest or smth.

Marble Hornets is NOT the same as Creepypasta! That being said I DO adore people managing to connect it to Creepypasta and Slenderman in cool ways. If anything I feel like the entire “Proxy” thing needs a reboot, like have people make an entirely new trio of Proxy’s like Masky, Hoody, and Toby. Like bro just let them rest-

Let’s talk about Liu Woods, because I would like to talk about Liu Woods. I would like to talk about how ridiculous the whole “multiple personalities” thing the fandom did was. I mean let’s set aside the fact that he survived being stabbed who-knows-how-many-times by his brother and just talk about how ridiculous people took “he just sort of heard another voice in his head” and turned it into DID lmfaoooo. In my personal HC he just becomes a deeply troubled hit man that has mixed feelings for his brother and lives in a cabin within Slenderman’s territory (Shut up I love the Creepypasta Mansion idea 😭)

BEN_Drowned, a controversial yet beloved figure of the fandom. LET THE FICTIONAL KILLER INTERNET GREMLIN AGE FOR FUCKS SAKE! Look, I’m all for lore accurate characters and people not sexualizing minors but he’s been like 13 for YEARS. Most of the people in the Creepypasta Fandom are in fucking college now and just want to relive their old crushes (Not me tho, ya’ll BEN fans stay safe tho ;)). Which is where my personal headcanon for this sadistic little hobgoblin comes in. He, in fact, has 2 forms! One is the kid Link of himself and the other is the Twilight Princess version that a lot of people fangirled/fanboyed over. He can also switch to the BOTW version of himself IG im not a Zelda fan lol. Anyways his child form has full sentience, he literally uses it for manipulation because y’know he’s a SERIAL KILLER.

and finally (for now), you can be apart of BOTH sides of the fandom :D. An excellent example is: Jeff the Killer’s broken psyche could have been a result of underlying neglect considering his parents seemed to be the types to show face to their neighbors but who knows how they acted otherwise? Realistically he wouldn’t really be interested in relationships other than purely physical reasons, and even then he’d gaslight and mentally abuse the fuck out of them. However you can also go into the more fun side of the fandom and say shit like “He unironically listens to Animal I have become from three days grace and pretends to go “berserk mode” Lmfaoo. As a BF he’d probably tease you a lot about your height and likes would like your smile and if you complain about it he’ll offer to fix it (read; carve it into your face). Both are totally okay as long as you’re not butthurt about other people having fun or totally delusional and thinking fictional serial killers would be any better than real serial killers :3

in case anyone is wondering (they are not lmao); my crushes were always Ticci Toby (very surprising I know), Eyeless Jack, and Homicidal Liu although now for different reasons lmao. I might do individual HCs for characters if anyone asks or just if I feel like it.

Jeeze I didn’t expect this to be so long so fun TK HCs under the cut!

Jeff and Liu used to have tickle fights all the time back in the Good Old Days (TM) so Jeff pretty much uses it against anyone that’s bothering him or in order to get what he wants. The worst part is he’s strong enough to get away with it a majority of the time.

Liu on the other hand, doesn’t really like physical touch anymore unless its someone he really really trusts. The reason being that he enjoys tickling, not only because it reminds him of the Good Old Days (TM) but also because he thinks its fun for both parties involved and enjoys hearing people he likes laugh.

BEN is a fucking gremlin and the main Lee of the mansion tbh, mostly because its so easy to just yoink him midair and wreck him for something or other. Very ticklish tummy, no clue why I think it’s true, its just canon now

Laughing Jack is obviously a fucking tickle monster with those god damn claws and sometimes uses them for evil. By that I mean maybe Bloody Painter is doing a very delicate art piece and LJ just comes by and casually drags his claws down the others back just to make him fuck it up by arching his back violently

Eyeless Jack doesn’t really care for tickling, as in he isn’t opposed to it but he also doesn’t actively seek it out… except for one spot. In my HCs EJ has a tail and it’s fairly ticklish, he enjoys having it gently scratched and scribbled at. He lets out these cute purr laugh which he finds mildly embarrassing but he doesn’t really care since the feelings is strangely relaxing to him.

I have more but I’ve been on this app too long and have Adult Stuff(TM) to do so I might make a second part with the Proxy’s and maybe some underrated characters lol.

#creeppasta #creepyasta tickle #eyeless jack #laughing jack #creepypasta headcanon #homicidal liu #headcannons

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