#but equally if i'm in a situation where i can't finish something and no one else will have it i often feel compelled to force it all down

[wambsgender]

.

#⚠️ cw for bad eating habits / food guilt ⚠️ #something i've been trying to unlearn is the intense guilt of not finishing food. #i utterly resent food waste. particularly the way businesses will chuck perfectly good food away just because they can't profit off it #but equally if i'm in a situation where i can't finish something and no one else will have it i often feel compelled to force it all down #just so it's not wasted #but then i make myself feel sick for the rest of the night because im overfull #just to clear a plate. #and i just have to remind myself that when the aim is to keep my body happy that is really just as wasteful #idk

[baiwu-jinji]

I'm so very late to the party but finally finished listening to TGCF audio drama season 1, love how intense the last two episodes are :3 Here are some incoherent thoughts about some of the episodes I haven't talked about:

Episode 12: It occurred to me when I'm listening to this episode that the ghosts of Ghost City are always so lively and bubbly, always laughing and flirting and teasing, when most of them must've had a tragic life story with unresolved misfortunes that caused them to turn into ghosts in the first place. Their high spirits feels incongruous with their tragic past, but maybe it's because they're happier as ghosts than as humans?

There's a ghost called 红粉骷髅 (literally "skeleton of beautiful woman") in this episode that finds afterlife much more liberating and satisfying than life itself, as she recites the following poem when she's dancing: "I danced for others in life, nobody buried my bones when I died; I sing for myself after death, my beauty moves the netherworld."

(The name 红粉骷髅 actually comes from a Buddhist story where the Bodhisattva Guanyin turns into a beautiful woman to make love to men but would suddenly turn into a skeleton in the process, scaring the men into realising that the most alluring beauty in the world is but ashes and bones and ghastly in death, and that they shouldn't give in to temptations.)

Episode 13: Hua Cheng tells Xie Lian that he doesn't look at the wishes of his believers and just throws them away because he doesn't care about being worshipped. This just shows the difference between Hua Cheng and Jun Wu: although they both desire power, Hua Cheng only wants power in himself and over his own fate, while Jun Wu wants power over others. The conversation between HC and XL is as follows:

HC: It's better to help yourself than ask the help of others. If you want to climb out of the abyss, what use is it to look to others? Others won't come to save you every time.

XL: That's why you need gods.

HC: But if everyone counts on the god, what about the god? Wouldn't the god get tired?

XL: But you must have many believers. If you turn a blind eye to their prayers, won't they consider you to be ineffectual?

HC: I didn't ask them to worship me, they kneeled before me without my permission. Besides, only those who happen to have their wishes granted would dare to talk about it - those who don't wouldn't dare to complain.

Episode 17: Xie Lian tells Lang Qianqiu that he named his sword technique which he uses to break up a clash by diverting all the harm to himself "wuming" (meaning "nameless") - a fitting name because the technique is about the negation of the self, and sacrificing oneself to endure it all. "Wuming" is also the name Hua Cheng took when he followed Xie Lian after the fall of Xianle and eventually sacrificed himself to protect Xie Lian.

Episode 18: When Xie Lian worries that telling Lang Qianqiu the truth would make Lang Qianqiu question everything XL taught him and cease to be the courageous and honourable person that he is, Hua Cheng asks XL to trust in LQQ's innate moral strength. I like what HC said to XL about LQQ:

"If you value him so much, then why can't you trust him? Trust that since he's the one you chose, he won't lose himself in hatred and will eventually do what he should do, even though he once wanted to destroy the whole world out of hate."

HC is asking XL to have faith in LQQ the same way that HC has always had faith in XL.

There's also something I wonder about the situation between Xie Lian and Lang Qianqiu. LQQ's parents were murdered by the resentful ghosts of the people of Xianle, and XL took the blame for the Gilded Banquet massacre because he didn't want LQQ to think that he tried to save those resentful ghosts in vain, that LQQ's good will towards the resentful ghosts was met with hatred and revenge. But has it occurred to XL that his own supposed "betrayal" would've hurt LQQ equally much? Would LQQ really feel better if instead of the resentful ghosts, it's his teacher whom he admired and respected so much that had betrayed him?

#I'm back sorry for disappearing again #tgcf #tgcf audio drama #xie lian #hua cheng #lang qianqiu

[ncityavenue]

You confidently asking to top/Dom them (NCT 127)

Ok so I highlighted confidently bc like we ain't on our shy stutter shit over here, TO FREEDOM✊🏾 Alright lemme stfu and get this going💀

────────────────────────

𝙏𝘼𝙀𝙄𝙇

Of course you top, we have to give our old man a break 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 NAH LET ME NOT DO MY BOY TAEIL LIKE DAT DJWIXHSIBWOK IM SORRY YALL THIS SUPPOSE TO BE SERIOUS😭.

He honestly thinks that it's so hot when you just push him down and take control, he gives you that little smile that's like "damn they mine🤭" but for domming he doesn't really care honestly if a night where he's more of the lead then there's that vice versa. Yall relationship is really equal when it comes to sex.

𝙅𝙊𝙃𝙉����𝙔

Ok ik what you're thinking "ain't no way in hell" YES IT WOULD BE PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO TOP OR DOM JOHNNY BUT HEAR ME OUT, you kinda try your very hardest to look disinterested in Johnny's dirty talk and him being on top of you all that sweet jazz, and you're surprisingly successful. He's just like "what's wrong baby😕" and then you break it down to him and he's like "OHHHH ALRIGHT GOTCHU" and then he just flips yall over so now you're on top but it's like how do you do the Dom part? Johnny is so good at adapting to something different so when you say the first dominant thing he's just like whimpers and begs and you're like oh shit I was not expecting this🤨.

MISSION COMPLETED.

𝙏𝘼𝙀𝙔𝙊𝙉𝙂

You already are. There's no discussion BEISNCDBSIM😭 I will never accept this man as a Dom or Top or anyone that thinks so /hj. Anyways, Taeyong just gets off on the fact of you taking control he likes that it brings you pleasure as well so it's a winwin (pun intended). He whimpers A L O T which is why most of the time the whole house knows yall fucking because of his whiny ass, it usually leads to you covering his mouth and that makes him even more roughed up bc he loves the control you have over him. I could get real graphic with this but nah lemme save myself today😭😭

𝙔𝙐𝙏𝘼

I just think it would be physically impossible like with johnny but with yuta you will issue the situation and he'll just be like "mhm yeah sure" and then when yall get to it there's no way of you doing it, if that make sense. Like he has control no matter what, you try to say something perhaps Dom and he kinda laughs at you he really be like "you can try better than that, Ik you can. You don't want me declining your orgasm right?" With a smirk. FUCKING EVIL. But honestly he ends up being the Dom at the end of the day, as for topping, he's all for it. No discussion, he like seeing them tits bounce honestly.

𝘿𝙊𝙔𝙊𝙐𝙉𝙂

He's another one that I'm just like it's already established, I see doyoung as a switch but mostly bottom. He thinks it's fair game when it comes to stuff like that and also he gets lazy doing the work so it's ok for you to take over honestly.

𝙅𝘼𝙀𝙃𝙔𝙐𝙉

" I thought you'd never ask." Is the first thing that comes outta his mouth and you're like "so this entire time you wanted me to take over?" He just nods with a smile on his face. Like I feel like if Jaehyun was super needy he's just be like TAKE ME NOW 😩, Especially after dance practice and you're waiting for him to finish and he wants to be clingy he just begs for you and lowkey whines like a child💀

𝙅𝙐𝙉𝙂𝙒𝙊𝙊

SWITCH. I think he's right in between so you asking you wanna dom/top for the night is second nature to him, I think he would be attracted to people that know what they want and how to get it so if you want him to scream your name and he's rejecting it just so you can get aggressive with it he goes delulu for that.

HE WORSHIPS YOU.

𝙈𝘼𝙍𝙆

Same thing as Taeyong, This man is basically on his knees begging for you to ruin him. It's just in his horny nature, he likes the way you pull his hair or praise him maybe a little degrading. But PRAISING??? He literally can't do anything without some form of praise, he may act like he doesn't but he does cause even if yall not even having sex or any sorta sexual activity you can be like "You're so good at this Mark" with your calm voice and he's just like "BEOABXUWBWKDBEIAKXOBWHS" on the inside but "Yeah I guess...." on the out. Which makes him so adorable. I COULD GO ON.

𝙃𝘼𝙀𝘾𝙃𝘼𝙉

See cause I was a strong believer of sub haechan and now I'm kinda conflicted (I blame yall for these hard!Dom haechan fanfics fosho) you asking this kinda makes him hot under the collar cause he finds that attractive, Domming him would probably make him even more bratty and annoying but ita alright because you can tame it right? He gets louder which means putting a hand over his mouth because everyone else is sleeping and that sends him over the edge, and he's just like "damn that shit is so hot when you do that" then he get all sentimental n shit😭

────────────────────────

Doyoung's was kinda hard to do because I can never picture doing much sexual things I guess even tho I love him dearly idk he's just one where I never know how to headcanon easily.

BUT ANYWAYS I hope yall enjoyed and this is the end of the BGKSC BYEE BESTIE BOOS 🤗❤

#nct scenarios #nct 127 #haechan #mark lee #johnny suh #jung jaehyun #nakamoto yuta #nct #nct imagines #doyoung #kim jungwoo #taeil #lee taeyong

[elizabethrobertajones]

Finished watching the first season of Dr Who and it's still cracking me up he's listed AS "Dr Who" in the credits at the end of each episode.

Anyway wow that was extremely british and colonial and each episode invented new ways to be british at a group of people. Can't believe that the final run of episodes had me confusedly trying to work out if I was sympathising with The French simply to be reactionary against the general vibes of like, society having moved on since '63.

Scraping off that layer I did enjoy some of the stuff underneath, but all the characters were prone to falling into patterns that modern media just would not do, like the extreme gendered roles of Barbara and Ian even though they're both school teachers of otherwise equal standing. They WERE raised in post-war Britain so I can hardly blame them being the way they are since they've got no other context.

Ian cracks me up with the behaviour because he's so stereotypical (and gets into a few weirdly homoerotic scrapes while attempting to swashbuckle in a way where knowing he's just a science teacher in a cardigan at heart makes it all the funnier). Barbara is my favourite character by dint of personality most of the time as she's usually perfectly able to stand up for herself and think her way out of things and it's usually just The Narrative or other characters assigning her to maternal side quests, as well as her own instinct to look after Susan. Ian seems less willing to openly show that sort of thing, again just because he's a guy of the times so I have to assume it's unspoken that he cares exactly as much but doesn't get put in the situations where he constantly shows it.

But time has wandered too far on for me to really appreciate if Susan was very radical at all because she did end up in so many Situations with shrieking and needing to be rescued (which I hate to say of a female character and she has been fun but also the story itself seems determined to single her out for imprisonment, sickness, or whatever to make her suffer and therefore be looked after or worried about or rescued). Teally the most otherworldly she ever seemed was the first episode where she was hitting all the "this is a space alien" red flags while trying to blend in at school. Also that one time where they wanted you to think people were getting possessed and she just went at Ian with a pair of scissors to try and stab him in a semi-fugue state which in hindsight after finding out there was nothing wrong with their minds in that episode is hilarious and so cool of her.

And Doctor Numero Uno is less otherworldly than her by miles. He's EXTREMELY a posh old englishman of the time, and aside from saying he's from another planet you'd never know it from his behaviour. He is very snappy and paternalistic to all of the others and also random people they meet on their adventures, sometimes not even people opposing them, just randos who he can get something out of by startling them with good old British Assuming If You Talk Loudly And Authoritatively You Get What You Want. He's best when he's being a professor and worst when he's marching about taking charge which he does an alarming amount after only experiencing New Who up to this point in my life to compare.

He has also very much clobbered multiple people over the head which was hilarious and excellent. So I know if I ever have to rank the doctors on their willingness to kill a man I know he'd irritably pull the trigger and be done with it.

Knowing where this character goes, he really seems like an unempathetic start point that is unknowingly burdened with decades and decades of storytelling to come and he's yet to be put through any of those wringers and so he just doesn't KNOW all these things yet. So while I'm not exactly enamoured by him or finding him to be a sort of grandpa-like figure or anything, he's a very compelling start point just to know this is the same person who has all these lessons to learn from where he dismisses, overlooks and snaps at people who in the future he'd meet as equals and see and understand all sorts of pain. Not truly intentional but he's reflecting the way we as a society would want to relate to the character I guess and so is ready to accidentally embody that social change as he goes.

At the moment the man's never met a real consequence in his life so far as I can tell, or if he has, he's keeping it so close they're not even foreshadowing there's anything darker to him yet, cheery willingness to kidnap random teachers aside.

I don't know when they start delving into the Doctor Lore but he's got zero of the accoutrements aside from the TARDIS yet, and it's not even wholly clear he's even not human, just that Susan claims they're from the 49th century, which with no other information could mean anything but so far you could just assume they're future people (she may also just be a future person not a timelord - I have heard SO little about her aside from references to her existing as a character so I'm curious what gets fleshed out in the in between here and now to explain where she came from and who she is once they start making the Doctor into some sort of eldritch being compared to everyone else)

Special shout out to the lady in the telepathic aliens episode who was like "welp my fiance's brain has been ruined, I guess he should be killed" and then as soon as he was cured was like "Oh I'm so happy you're alive! This is the best day of my life!" and then five minutes later sold everyone out for her own skin but as far as I can tell met no consequences for any of this and they flew off together at the end. WILD look into the way side characters were written for the plot beats and not given any emotional interiority or at the very least had someone ask wtf they were saying. I feel like the modern Doctors would have been Obsessed with her.

Also shout out to the very good special effects in the weird acid sea island fortress episode where a guy got punted through a trapdoor and fell into the waters below. Truly a special effect of all time. This is what Disney Money has taken from us etc etc.

#doctor who

[girlfictions]

hari need to know your thoughts on the succession finale once you finish it 🙏

i’ve genuinely been in a state of shock since i finished the ep so i’m probably going to ramble terribly bc my brain will explode otherwise.... thoughts under the cut!!! and massive spoiler warning obviously 💪

OKAAYYY in no particular order:

greg getting whacked was beautiful i wish he'd been stomped into a pulp honestly sorry for not being able to separate the art from the artist but nicholas braun is a weasel and i hope he gets hit by a car

that being said tom and greg's interactions this ep were top tier i'm not a tomgreg enthusiast like That but i think every scene of theirs was hilarious as it was twisted

tom this whole episode... phenomenal. matthew is just a cut above in terms of acting he embodied tom's hunger and desperation and patheticisms so perfectly i really felt more and more unsettled by him every appearance

i do wish we had more stewy screentime but i also wish that for every single episode arian moayed is so freaking talented and charismatic and amazing and he ate up every second he was on screen

speaking of stewy. "you kiss guys on molly" <- BITCH.....? i actually don't know if i've mentioned this on tumblr but i'm a kenstewinator for life and frankly this was confirmation that they explored each other's bodies at college idgaf what anyone has to say about it

ohhhh my god the fucking "meal fit for a king" scene. i can't even find the words for it. seeing them all so happy and having so much fun with each other in that moment was just so heartbreaking bc i KNEW it wasn't going to last 😭 like my mum and i literally checked how much time was left in the episode after that scene and looked at each other like Wellll something terrible is going to happen isn't it.

kendall My beautiful baby boy kendall IM SORRY I WASNT YOUR MOTHERRRRRRRR . i could honestly write an essay about kendall in this episode alone i have never seen such a tragic crumbling of the self maybe ever. him sitting at logan's desk thinking he's finally won... his reaction to shiv betraying their deal... him attacking roman like i was seriously breathless my god that entire sequence was fucking crazy

and to be quite honest if i was kendall in that situation well i would have killed myself in that damn board room and changed the trajectory of all those old hags lives forever . like "i'm a cog built for one machine" And now he has nothing no father no siblings no wife no kids no company my fucking goddddddd 🤦‍♀️

i started chanting "please please please dont kill yourself" out loud in the final scene and i'm dead serious the kendall water motif HAUNTS ME and i was so freaking scared . but that final frame is honestly equally awful like kendall alone with colin in the background him basically becoming logan with none of the power this is seriously the worst possible ending for him.....

shiv doomed to repeat the pattern of being under a man's thumb is genuinely so deeply demented jesse armstrong sleep with one eye open. and i hate it so much because it makes so much SENSE like yeah she's lady macbeth she's caroline she's the wife she's the mother and she will never be anything else okay OKAYY.

like that scene w her and tom in the car where he waits for her to hold his hand was so fucking spine chilling also the ambiguity of us not knowing whether tom knows that shiv was the deciding vote in his favour is crazy <- i do think it makes sense that he would know but just shiv having that as a bargaining chip so they can sting each other over and over again like its all about the cycles i fear

roman being so resigned to it all by the end was sick like ok that comment about kendall's kids was evil but i still felt for him howeverr i do think out of the trio he will be objectively the most okay in the future... like he's free from it all in a way shiv obviously isn't and kendall literally can't be

honestly i'm struggling to articulate anything more i'm still so overwhelmed by how it came to a close.. never have i watched a show that left me so heartbroken and hollow but also absolutely satisfied narratively like succession is going down in the history books FR 😭

also they're def going to sweep the emmys and it will be so deserved i seriously think they need to invent a new rule to allow for a tie because i cannot imagine how they're going to decide between kieran and jeremy for best lead... <- i do lean a little towards jeremy bc i'm a biased kendall girl but kieran's performance esp in the first half of this season was just jawdropping so who knows

this got really long i'm so sorry but i feel like a crazed woman what a fucking show what a fucking ending i will never be the same after this SUCCESSION YOU WILL ALWAYS BE SO FAMOUS !!!!!!!!!!!!

#succession #succession spoilers

[caatws]

Yondu's death and how it was handled in the following gotg projects is the main reason I think how Gamora's been treated is unforgivable. A funeral and two other follow ups to your death/to honor your importance vs "you're not dead, you just can't remember". It would take 2 minutes tops to have Mantis, Drax and Rocket say 2 sentences to eachother about missing Gamora. They don't even had to shed tears if that would be too much. Drax already hated Thanos for killing his family once before. Where was his anger.

vol 3 reduced Gamora from a fully realized character who was an equal partner in the story and interacted with the others and guided them, to mainly someone only Peter really knew. Carrying over her relationship with Nebula from Endgame is the only saving grace. Worse is that Peter talking about it is the only time the canon gives Gamora credit for being essential to the family's origins and by extension the franchise.

Also it makes me really sad that Zoe has probably given the best performance of the bunch throughout her entire mcu run and because Gamora's arc is such a mess it completely overshadows that by the time you get finished vol 3. In fact, imo, vol 3 was fire performance wise for but hits rock bottom plot and arc wise. Without her death or if they had ressurected her, I think she easily would have had one of the best arcs in the mcu.

yeah, when i was comparing the treatment gamora's death to nat's that was already Oof but now comparing with yondu is just...OOOOOFFFFFF. it's just sad seeing the characters not get a chance to rly express their grief for her ever :'( and i think only rly exploring peter's grief makes it seem like gamora rly just existed to be his gf, which i know is a whole nother can of worms of discourse happening in starmora land rn (and given all the circumstances in the film, i honestly think the way starmora as a relationship was handled was pretty solid)

tho we had the holiday special (and i did enjoy it!), i kinda wish we'd had some other gotg project (love & thunder doesn't count since they were just there for 2 secs to support thor LOL) between endgame and vol 3 to actually explore the fallout from iw/endgame a lot more, not just for the gamora situation, but, like, everyone else too. like i mentioned earlier, i think there's a gaping hole in rocket's arc (and nebula's but to a lesser extent) given where his arc left off in vol 2, then the 4 years that passed offscreen between that and iw, and then the 5 years that passed offscreen during endgame, and then ANOTHER 2 years passed offscreen between endgame and the holiday special/vol 3 (i think). i'd imagine losing all of the gotg would've affected rocket a LOT (like remember when he literally shot gamora so she wouldn't risk her life to save peter like lol) and then when they returned, surely that would shift the way he approached his relationships with them

similarly with nebula, i'm assuming she only stuck around with the gotg bc after endgame bc she'd become rocket's bestie for the restie (which i love) and also idk helped the avengers defeat thanos (? idk it also seems like the gotg were just kinda absorbed into the avengers for those 5 years and then became separate again after endgame, which would've been cool to establish more explicitly in canon) but given how uninterested she was in hanging around the gotg at both the end of vol 1 and vol 2, i think we needed to see more of how she went from that to practically being a de facto leader of sorts for the team in the beginning of vol 3

like i said before, i do think much of vol 3 was still very much firing on all cylinders, including the performances, but some of these holes in the arcs were still hard to look past. i know gunn said he wanted the film to be something you could watch on its own without all the context of the previous gotg films/iw/endgame (which makes me wonder how much that informed the way he approached things like the gamora situation) but i think including more story elements and references to past works that would've made vol 3 more dependent on the previous gotg appearances would've fixed quite a few of these problems

#mcu #ask #gotg vol 3 spoilers #gamora #the gamora situation #<- creating that tag for all these asks now HAHA

[armed-saphire]

NOW ITS UR TURN WHO ARE YOUR MGS FAVS AND WHY!1!1?1!1?1!1?11!1! ٩( 'ω' )و

EHEHEEEE OK SO I'll say my fav from each game

Mgs1 is def Liquid he. He's so overdramatic it's really funny. He did so many backflips while explaining his tragic backstory 🥰 and then he just fucking died and turned into an arm which is the real tragedy (I have so many random HCs for him it's insane... I also rewrote his backstory a little...the recessive thing is so dumb)

Mgs2 I think it's a split between Raiden and Fortune. Raiden I really enjoyed playing as a character who is just... idk how to put it I just like that he's flawed and not some morally perfect charismatic guy. It feels like he's set up to be that way and then he whines about everything and is very dismissive at some points. It feels like he's a real person and not perfectly crafted to be the ultimate stereotypical good guy protagonist who can stay cool and collected in every situation. He has his moments where he lets emotion get the better of him and I like it a lot.

Fortune I have less to say about her but it doesn't mean I like her less. I think she's a really tragic character backstory wise but I also like how she sort of "plays into it" I guess? Ocelot points it out himself near the end of the game ("you couldn't get enough of the drama"). I thought the ending where she found out she could've died any time and she didn't have some magic ability was sad too and I lowkey wish she didn't die and was like redeemed somehow (imagine she comes back in mgs4 and has to go against Vamp or something that would've been so cool)..anyway I guess I didn't actually have less to say I like Fortune a lot blehhh😋

mgs3 AGH.. EVA ILY she is such a well written character and I love her so much I could write an essay on her if I wanted but I'll keep it more brief here. She's like a perfect subversion of the typical sexualized woman in video game thing...it's what she's doing as a spy for the mission and the best part is it doesn't even really work lol nice job snake. The game itself even adheres to whether Eva is in her Eva persona or her Tatyana one. It's....aghhhhghhh so great. (I have so many thoughts about her and Liquid btw)

Mgs4...difficult but probably Screaming Mantis. For real this time not a lot to say about her but I do like her a lot more since playing the game she went from my least fav B&B unit member to my fav one. She was really fun to watch in all her cutscenes and her boss fight was one of the best MGS boss fights I've ever done tbh. The callbacks and references to the first game were so good I won't lie I was giggling kicking my feet a lil bit. Screaming Mantis ily I have so many thoughts <333

Peace Walker ermmm Kaz and Paz equal I can't decide..also maybe Amanda. Yeah I like everyone a lot 😭 and Cécile....not Snake tho sorry lol. I haven't finished the game so I haven't gotten the full character arcs of everyone so it's hard to pinpoint exact explanations but you know I love Kaz forever and ever mwah mwah (I'm also a transfem Kaz truther and I'm RIGHT!!!). Amanda has a lot of really cool tapes explaining a lot of...not really exposition but it gives a lot of great context to her character. And her voice acting especially in cutscenes is some of the best voice acting I've seen in an mgs game so it adds a lot. Paz I need to learn more about her. I know basic plot points but not the inbetween stuff that really lets you get to know her. I do feel really sad for her though, Kojima decided he wanted shock value instead of a female character having a nice ending 🤷‍♀️ Sucks.

Mgsv QUIET!!!! QUIET ILY!!! she's soooooo OUGH. I'm glad a lot of the fandom has fixed her from her extremely flawed portrayal in the game because it shows what really could've been and I think I latch more onto that than the version of her in the game just a little. The foundation they were working with was still really good. The way they show her and venom building such a strong bond despite never having a single conversation is really well done and I like it a lot. Quiet ily my favourite creaturething killgirl my favourite ear biter offer...

#Ty for asking mwah mwah mwah <333 #Mgs #Asks #fenix dont look

[yallcantread]

I love what you’re doing. The misinformation/accusations make me sick, it's like everyone lacks nuance and media literacy. It’s insane to me that people are just throwing around the word Nazi and racist. Matty fucked up, that doesn’t mean a smear campaign is warranted. He participated in some tasteless jokes, which at the end of the day, don’t genuinely harm anyone. I never want to dismiss anyone’s feelings but so many people are upset about stuff that is made up and I truly can't feel empathy for them. That BuzzFeed article about Red Scare is such a joke, I'm not taking anyone complaining about that seriously

Thank you for your kind words; they mean a lot to me. Like you, I am truly frustrated by the spread of misinformation. It’s disheartening to see propaganda being used to target individuals, and it’s one of my biggest pet peeves. In today’s age, fact-checking is an essential skill that we should all possess, ideally learned in sixth grade. While relying on news sources can be helpful, it’s unfortunate that even the news can sometimes have biases and manipulate information to fit certain agendas.

Regarding the recent situation involving Matty, it seems that individuals like Candace Owens, Azealia Banks, and writers at BuzzFeed have come together to spread misinformation, pandering to specific groups of people. It’s cringe-worthy to witness people saying things like ‘I can’t believe I’m agreeing with *insert horrible person*.

When it comes to criticisms of Red Scare, it’s important to take them with a grain of salt. The podcast intentionally employs irony and controversy, challenging the standard conventions of leftism. I’m almost finished with a post that thoroughly dissects their ideology. It aims to provide clarity and understanding for those who may be interested in the podcast’s discussions. I hope this post will be helpful for those seeking clarification.

Expressing your thoughts and opinions honestly doesn't mean you're disregarding or dismissing other people's feelings. It's important to remember that not everything is a big deal or of equal importance. In our society, we've been taught to be careful not to offend anyone, but it's practically impossible to do so all the time.

When we talk about important things or share our opinions, there's a chance that someone might get upset or offended. Imagine talking to a friend and saying something they don't like. They might feel angry or sad because of what you said.

Now, imagine if there are many people listening to you. The more people there are, the higher the likelihood that someone will get upset or offended by your words. Trying very hard not to offend anyone becomes increasingly difficult, particularly when discussing important or controversial topics.

This situation can create some challenges. People might become afraid to discuss important matters because they don't want to offend anyone. This makes it difficult for people to have open discussions and share diverse ideas. It can also lead to increased division and polarization, where people only want to listen to those who agree with them. This isn't good for society because it limits our ability to learn from different perspectives and understand each other better.

However, it's important to strike a balance between expressing our thoughts and considering other people's feelings. It's crucial to be respectful and kind to others. While it's okay for someone to be upset about what you said, it's also important for you to have the right to express yourself and feel the way you want about things. Speaking your mind is a valuable aspect of communication.

#matty healy #taylor and matty #taylor swift #the 1975 #matty healy icons #celebrities #ice spice #taylor swift icons #taylors version #the eras tour #politics #social media

[alwaysaskerurihan]

Would you rather be turned into a duck or a wolf?

"An excellent question!" Hange beams as they chop vegetables in the kitchen. Next to them, Erwin is peeling potatoes and Levi is cleaning up around them and preparing the plates and cutlery. Hange's beam grows, their eyes flashing behind their glasses in a maniacal way. "That would be such different experiences, each equally interesting."

"Tch, what's so interesting about being a duck?" Levi argues as he scrubs at a counter, "apart from potentially being mauled or hunted."

"Seriously, Levi?" Hange asks, planting their knife on the chopping board and gripping the counter. "Do you really have to ask? Aside from the fact they can fly, and swim beautifully? Life at that height must be so interesting. What do we look like to them? What do they think about us?" Hange cackles a little. "I know you have a better idea of their perspective height-wise Levi but even so-" they tease.

"Shut it, Shitty glasses. Like hell I'd want to be a duck. A wolf has the greater chance of survival out of the two creatures." Levi argued.

Erwin pours himself a glass of wine. "It's an interesting question and you both make interesting points. What we're being asked, essentially, is what position in life do we take? And in turn, what kind of existence do we value? The wolf is a hunter. Yes, they have their family and their pack but they represent survival in challenging times. Ducks represent a much more laid back, but no less meaningful form of living, going along with every day life in a much less dangerous setting." He sips from his glass. "Such a question requires some thought, I would say, were it not for the titans."

"We can't afford to be ducks," Levi agrees, returning to scrubbing down one counter and moving onto another. "Four-eyes," he suddenly says, crossing over to where Hange is chopping vegetables again. "Try getting them on the board and not the floor." He puts his hands over theirs and moves them further onto the board, rolling his eyes when they giggle. He pecks them on the lips and moves away.

"Thank you," Hange grins and then leans towards Erwin who meets them halfway to bestow a more lingering kiss.

"You know," they continue after a few seconds, "when you think about our situation and the world we live in, it absolutely makes sense that none of us should choose wolves." They begin to slice more thinly. "We don't have the luxury of that kind of safety in this world but if we can imagine one where we're not living on the constant threat of danger," they continue. "What would you choose then? If we lived in safety?" They grab their own glass of wine and down it slowly. "I think I'd like to experience life as a duck. It's not like I'd be completely defenceless with my wings. The possibilities outweigh the dangers."

Levi puts down his cloth and turns to lean back on the counter, arms folded. "If you say so, Hange. But there's always danger about. People can be shit just as much as titans. There isn't a scenario in which I wouldn't choose to be a wolf over a duck."

"I'm inclined to agree with Levi on some of that," Erwin says as he tosses another spud into the pot. "Although ducks do possess a level of freedom and exploration that would be appealing to explore, wolves have strength and the resilience to move long distances on their side. That makes them more suited to my goals," he finished.

Hange laughs loudly. "A very diplomatic answer, Erwin. Maybe you should have gone into politics."

Erwin smiles. "Makes a change from you calling me a square for something like that.

"I thought I'd change it up a bit."

"I have a question," Levi, arms folded, eyes them both. "Who the fuck came up with a question like that?"

#ask erurihan #attack on titan #attack on titan ask #attack on titan rp #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyojin ask #shingeki no kyojin rp #erurihan #erurihan ask #erurihan rp #erwin smith #erwin smith ask #erwin smith rp #levi ackerman #levi ackerman ask #levi ackerman rp #hange zoe #hange zoe ask #hange zoe rp #would you rather?

[gaywriting]

Alex in Wonderland book review

Alex in Wonderland by Simon James Green (2019)

⭐️⭐️⭐️✖️✖️

"Are you having an OK time?" "Ben, oh my god, I'm having the best time!" He nodded. "OK, cool. Because sometimes I think you look like you're about to burst into tears, and I just wonder if I shouldn't just give you a hug." (p. 190)

i finished this book october 13. i finished it in one day, it was an easy read. ive had this book for so long (felt like a lot of years but it came out in 2019 so i guess not lol)

the story follows Alex, a 16 year old incredibly awkward gay boy living with his dad and dad's girlfriend Kendra. his only two friends had recently become a couple and left for the summer for a couple-y summer vacation, leaving Alex to spend the summer alone. Being pushed by Kendra to get a summer job, he stumbles into Wonderland, the towns little arcade on the pier and ends up passing out in one of the attractions. two of the workers there, Ben and Efia, take Alex under their wing. he gets a job there (to avoid him suing the place) and they're set on getting Alex a boyfriend! a pointless endeavour, since Alex has set his eyes on Ben. sadly Ben claims to have a girlfriend and so Alex does his best to get past the crush on the supposedly straight boy.

i'm really bad with secondhand embarressment (i've quit shows and movies before because some people seem to think it's super funny...) and it can be fun with embarressing moments happening, but speaking from an equally-to-Alex awkward person it's sometimes almost painful for me to read haha... basically i had to skip some paragraphs, which is a shame, but i just, i saw where we were headed and i just can't do that to myself haha... but other than that i did enjoy the book! it was a fun little YA lgbt book, and Alex is just a cutie! Ben is cute too, but very confused, which ends up hurting Alex unnecessarily. i don't hold it against him, concidering his family situation and that he's just a teenage boy, but the lie he tells about Bella just ended up feeling very redundant and weirdly executed i did like in the end of the book (no spoilers here) that Alex stood up for himself and in the end he received apologies, i feel like it's always the main character who misunderstand, who assumes and who has to apologise in the end, eventhough it's not always called for imo. but in this story everyone apologised and Alex were super adult about it too, knowing he needed some time to himself and some space, before things could go back to normal. i loved that!

all in all this is a lovely little lgbt YA book. it won't blow your mind or become the greatest literary art you've ever laid your eyes on, but for a simple afternoon read, where you just want something fluff (and some secondhand teenage embarressment) it does the job fine. i think works like this are just as important as the earth shattering ones that end up as big hollywood movies. these kind of books shows the realistic everyday lives of lgbt people. not every lgbt story have to be sadness and tough living, but showing the youth that we too can have a normal everyday romance, that you might find in fx straight romcoms, is so so so important!!

lastly, the face i made as i opened the book and were faced with a photo of the cutest dog ever, who Green dedicated the book to, and who he even named a character after. best way to start a book!!

for bella indeed 🐶

#gaywriting #lgbt #lgbt lit #lgbt books #lgbt literature #books #book review #alex in wonderland #simon james green #books 2019 #gay #homosexual #gay couple #young gay couple #ya books #romance #book tumblr #writblr #bookblr #mlm

[ginjointsintheworld]

I'm trying to get into Leyla's head, seeing as the writers are allergic to diving deep. Beware, These are ramblings😩

When Leyla moved in with Lauren and their relationship got going, I wonder if then Leyla thought about the imbalance of the r/ship or if she thought it was transactional in any way or if she actually thought of the power imbalance, but her deep need and desire to be able to have a place to rest and study with no worries overshadowed that. I mean she did say "I went along with it, and that's on me". (she still needs to take back that "you tried to own me. You bought me" 😒)

When she became a resident again, while she did have hesitation about how it would look sleeping with the boss, was that (Lauren being her boss) less of a problem or no problem at all because they were able to create clear boundaries and were just deeply in love so the power imbalance was insignificant or never came to mind? Or because she started paying rent then all was forgotten?

We have seen from Leyla over thinking a simple cup of coffee from a lover for that matter,- something Lauren didn't think twice about and honestly no one would - that perhaps Lauren going behind her back and breaking her trust that one time is still not even the cause of this mentality . And it makes it all the more frustrating. Colleagues buy each other coffee ever so often because it's just want colleagues do without anyone thinking they have to pay back in some way. that Leyla for a minute was hesitant is equally sad and disturbing.

What and who can deliver Leyla? She wants to be with Lauren, loves her alot, is in love with her, knows that Lauren is sorry and isn't giving all this help just so she can keep her in her arms , and yet this monkey won't just get off her back.

We can sit here and say when she finishes paying her debt and the immigration woes are over, they will be even but that's not true. Lauren will always be wealthy, and Leyla will never be able to match Lauren's salary plus her wealth, and then what? The love will be enough? Will she keep thinking that she can't match up when her gf spoils her silly? Will it then become a silent one sided competition of who can out-gift the other?

Again, who or what will deliver Leyla?

This is not lashing out on Leyla, just intrigued, amused and a tad bit frustrated lol

Thank you for allowing me ramble. Okay bye.

you know my askbox is always to open to all ramblings!

the way i personally look at it and the measuring stick i use to gauge any potential power imbalance is, was leyla able and knew she was able to exit the relationship whenever was wanted? was there any pressure for her to change/alter her behavior out of fear of something or someone? i think in their situation pre-visa, i could whole heartedly say that yes, leyla could've left whenever she wanted and she was always her most authentic self. for example post first kiss when leyla thought that she had misread the signals and kissed lauren. she was ultimately ready to pack up and leave had lauren not come home and found her first. then when they broke up, leyla did leave. but this time leyla has much more at stake and if she did anything to get her visa appeal denied, she'd be deported. that's beyond another level of threat to her safety. where as before she'd maybe go back to living in her car worse case scenario, maybe crash with a friend or coworker, hell even temporarily stay in a hotel. leyla, right now, is fighting for her life. that's what i'm interpreting (though it'd be nice if we could get some more detailed backstory to confirm ahem) that visa situation as. she's fighting for her literal life because i don't think she would've willingly left her family, career, behind to come to a country starting over personally and professional, on a refugee visa if there wasn't present danger back home.

but when it comes to the authority and dynamic between them... i don't know i just never saw any reason to believe or think that they didn't view each other as equals. personally, we've seen multiple times that lol lauren does not hold any authority or power over leyla. poor woman shuffled home and tried to break up with her once and got told no. when they first lived together, leyla even clarified it, she viewed them as roommates. they shared and took care of that space together and both contributed to it to make it a home. professionally, even if we look beyond that fact that lauren holds the utmost respect for leyla as a doctor, they could've disclosed their relationship to HR (most likely did given how they were openly showing affection around the hospital and lauren announced it to everyone lmao). how is it any different than max dating helen when they both worked at NA? or even during their weird in between will they won't they time? he's the medical director. there's no power greater than him aside from the board. plus, yes, lauren and leyla made very conscious efforts to establish boundaries for when they're dr. bloom and dr. shinwari during work and lauren and leyla outside of it.

the money side of things.... sometimes i feel like that gets misinterpreted with regards to what leyla's struggle is with that. don't get me wrong, part of that is because of the writers being unclear at times. but overall, i think it boils down to leyla having complex and very deep rooted mentalities with success needing to be accomplished through your own grit to be worthy. because if we look at all the times that leyla has brought up money or material things, it's been in association with the perception of earning the situation she's currently in, "i won't let you pay for me to stay somewhere. i'm not a charity case," "now all these fancy things, you. make me feel like that's the reason i'm successful. like i didn't earn it" and "but the one thing i thought i earned was just paid for like everything else." leyla didn't have a problem when she thought lauren was going to use her money to buy textbooks and new equipment for the other residents. it was only when the residents spun their little sob story and she thought it gave her an "unfair" advantage over everyone else. also no offense to the bloom family wealthy but the occasional uber black ride to work, food, clothes, an ipad, those are all very normal affordable things that a doctor and chair of a department could afford. it's canon that lauren is one of the top paid doctors at NA. and leyla very well could be chair of a department one day and make the same kind of money. where lauren's wealth played an actual factor was making the donation, which she's knows was a massive mistake, and the lawyer fees. also when leyla brought up the food and clothes before, she owned that discomfort that came from that because she didn't voice to lauren that she didn't need her to buy these things and i think she knows if lauren knew how it made leyla felt, she would've backed off. when she mentioned that, it was likely more referring to the earlier days when she wasn't a resident yet. cause leyla was okay with the ride to work and lauren brought leyla a bagel and coffee when they were working opposite shifts. she didn't have a problem with those things then and i would say it was because she was making legitimate money as a resident, settled and happy in her career and yeah coffee then was just a coffee. and leyla probably bought lauren a coffee and her favorite pastry on occasions because that's just a thing you do. just like leyla probably took lauren to romantic dinners and paid for those.

but i've mentioned it before, i didn't view the coffee situation as being just about the coffee. like lauren said, it's that the overthinking with the coffee was a symptom of their current complex situation with the visa. leyla is borrowing $10k/month from lauren for a currently unknown amount of time. that's an insane burn rate and leyla is trying to pay back what she can as they go along because she knows it. like if this case takes a year to resolve, that's $130k which is more than the donation lauren paid for leyla's residency spot. yes, lauren is rich and that money in the grand scheme of things isn't a blip for her and that is an amount leyla can pay back. hell people borrow that much money for medical school. but it's the principle of lauren being willing to lend that much, combine that with the fact that she's also opened up her apartment to leyla again when she needed a stable address and her previous concern about lauren feeling like her feelings are being taken advantage of. i can understand why leyla would start to get caught up in wondering how much is taking too much? even with something as small as a coffee, even if the limit does not exist to lauren, it matters to leyla.

and of course, as you and i both acknowledged before, this is tv so there's always going to be a melodramatic element that in reality would be simpler to work out lol. but anyways, always fun to read your thoughts and hope you didn't mind my word soup reply LOL

#teevibess #asks

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3568

fun fact about me, i've had a tab open in my browser on my phone for at least seven years that's open to Sansûkh, a hobbit/lotr fic which i have been meaning to read for every one of those years, but i have not yet read it because i am a disaster.

but the gods have smiled upon me and have blessed the world with the beautiful humans who are creating a webcomic of it. if you wish to read it and sob with me as you do, their tumblr account is @sansukhcomic and i have just gotten up to date with what's been posted. it's beautiful and i have been crying the whole time.

delightful.

anyway.

today i slept in but had to close the window in my room bc it's fuckin hot and humid as fuck. 0/10, do not recommend. why am i looking at jobs in warmer humid climates. why can't everything be in alaska.

anyway.

i worked with nancy and the kids today, and we were able to get stuff done, thankfully. it was nice to be able to help them finish things up and get it submitted and all.

got home, had dinner, got ice cream with my dad and listened as he talked about a shitty situation at work where someone misinterpreted what he said and got insulted. my papa gets defensive about stuff a lot, and so i told him he was looking at the situation the wrong way. instead of evidence, i told him he needed to apologize for offending the guy. like of course that wasn't his intention to insult him or whoever, but the guy took it the wrong way and the fact that he then complained makes a big difference. i told papa to send him an email and to apologize for the misunderstanding, to add that he understands where he was coming from and reiterate that it wasn't his intent to offend.

i've gotten a lot of experience talking to people, both neurotypical and neurodiverse, when it comes to apologizing for things. say everything you mean and only and exactly what you mean. no room for discussion, no room for misinterpretation or error. say what you mean and mean what you say. acknowledge how they feel and apologize that what you did made them feel a certain way. state what you did wrong and what you will do to improve/fix the issue. reiterate that they are a person you respect and add why you respect them. then say something like i hope we can still work together or i will make sure that this doesn't happen again or a combo of it or something else equally humble and assumptive of their generosity in forgiving you.

that at least is how i do apologies. or part of how i do apologies. it's formulaic but it works. it's the sandwich thing, kinda.

if anyone has feedback or whatever, lmk, either on the apology letter contents or phrasing or whatever because my dad is so defensive on everything. he takes all comments and criticism as a personal offense from everyone but me and my older brother jared. so im lucky he listens to me, but i don't know everything.

anyway, i gotta ask joel how his conversation with his boss went. asking if he can go full remote instead of being tied to a location.

that's it, i think. not looking forward to sweating all night.

mom goes in for surgery tomorrow morning to get a stent placed in her side for kidney stone removal surgery on friday. i wish i could be home to help take care of her. i know everyone else has to many other things they'd rather do than help someone get better, but im good at taking care of people. and i wish i could pass that on, pass that care and affection on to anyone else in the house. literally anyone else. but i'm the one who has it, but i work the most out of everyone in the house. i work the most and i work the furthest away. so it sucks. mom is considering paying me to stay out of work to take care of her after surgery on friday.

i feel bad. i wish i didn't work so much. i wish my boss hadn't changed the schedule around and make our team shrink. i wish i were able to get time off of work. i wish i could do that. but because of how the schedule is structured now, i can't take any fucking time off. gotta love that. the day i requested off so i could be out of town with joel at the end of the month was denied because we can't get people to fucking cover because we have SEVEN PEOPLE WHO ALL ALREADY WORK MORE THAN 40 HOURS A WEEK. so that's fucking terrible. and it's not fair. i'm pretty sure that breaks some sort of labor law. or something.

maybe if we were unionized like the physical security we could do that. but since we're not we have no say in this shit. and there's four of us who get the weekend shift shaft while the others are fine and work their cushy 40 hours during the week and go home and have a weekend while the rest of us are fucking exhausted as FUCK because we have multiple 12 hour shifts instead of 8 hour shifts ALL IN A ROW so by the end of the week we all want to fucking die. i'm sick of it.

how am i supposed to say this is good "work life balance" if the balance beam they give me is covered in fucking knives.

#molly rambles #operation srr #osrr #3000s #3500s #sunshine boy

[dorefasolsido]

40.

Do you ever wonder how Atheist people raise their kids?

I mean, just normal? I was raised by an atheist and an agnostic, I guess the only difference is that they never really taught me about religion whatsoever, so when I was asked in school which faith I identify with, I had no idea what to say. But they never told me I can't read the Bible if I wanted to (only read part of the kids' one tho), and we still celebrated Christmas and Easter like everyone else. Tbh, hearing about some people's experiences with growing up in religious households, I'm glad mine wasn't like that.

If you’re atheist, would you raise you kids believing in God or not?

I'm more of an agnostic, but if I ever had kids (which I don't want to), I'd raise them like my parents raised me. They can explore on their own, I can answer some questions, and that's it. I won't push anything onto them, especially not something I don't really believe in either.

How long does it usually take you to finish answering a survey?

Depends, I'm done with some in ten minutes, others in half an hour or more.

Do you spell it gray or grey?

Usually grey, but depends if I'm using American or British spelling.

If you make surveys, how do you decide about its title?

I don't.

When are you going back to school?

I'm done with school.

If you don’t go to school anymore, what do you do?

I work, attend German classes, deal with the crushing reality of everyday existence. As everyone else.

Do you care about other people’s status messages?

Hmmm where? I can only check those now on WhatsApp, and yes, I do that. I'm too nosey not to.

Do you like reading self help books?

Nah, it's just not for me.

What is your opinion on sex change?

Those who want it should go for it, I'm glad such options exist for trans people.

Do you think that this will take away the essence of gay pride?

I have no clue what this means, tbh, but the answer is probably no.

What do you do when you tell a really bad joke?

I laugh at myself and give myself a highfive while others all sigh and groan.

If you’re still a virgin, how important is your virginity to you?

It's not important and I think the whole concept and discussion around it is stupid. Like, I'd just get rid of that whole idea entirely. It seriously fucked with my head when a gynecologist reacted like I'm some mythical creature just because I'm over 20 and have never had sex with a man. I'm still dealing with that shame sometimes, and I'm not even attracted to men like that.

If you have lost it already, do you regret it?

As I said, it doesn't mean anything to me, so no, I wouldn't regret it. But tbh, I can't see myself in that situation, being ace and all.

Do you believe in marriage? Why or why not?

Well I mean sure, but I don't personally see that much of a point. I guess there are financial benefits and so on, but ehhh, I don't know.

Do you like having a huge group of friends or would you rather have few close friends?

A few close friends.

Do you have any goals for this summer? If so, what are they?

Summer is far away, but I'd like to travel somewhere, I guess.

Or do you plan on getting a summer job? Or do you already have one?

I have a job--not just a summer one.

If so, where do you work and what do you do?

Content writing and translating.

Do you watch the TV Show Skins? If so, who’s your favorite character?

I don't.

And which generation do you prefer? Or do you equally love both?

Refer to the above.

Do you know someone who still typpe thiszz wayy?

Has anyone ever typed that way?

Would you take a break after graduating from high school (like, postpone going to college for a year or so)?

Well I didn't--it's not exactly a common thing to do here, but I think it's not bad. Like, if you can afford it, why not travel a bit before college?

Do you feel tired after stretching?

Not normally.

Can you get a strike at bowling?

I did a few times. Beginner's luck!

Do you use Facebook? If so, what is your favorite application there?

I don't use it anymore.

It seems like everyone’s addicted to Twitter these days - are you?

Nope. I'm barely ever on there.

#personal #surveys

[livinwa]

I have recently learned that I don't have an original experience, under the guise that each day I prove to be more and more nerodivergent as time passes by and the question of "am i really? Maybe I'm just attention seeking" just sort if becomes a denial rather than a question.

Here's a bunch of things I think are signs and or could be debunked but I need opinions ti be able to figure myself out and stuff, so maybe enjoy the drama and stuff???

1. I thought I was able to look people in the eyes, no I'm not, not unless I'm comfortable with that person and/or the situation is like really awkward then I actually physically can't look at them in the FACE.

2. My jacket. The thing my avatar has, its my comfort item. One night I couldn't stop crying and had the thought "put the jacket on" and I did and I ended up being able to finally calm down and breath despite the tears not stopping. I felt safe.

3. Headphones. Once more another comfort item. I dont like leaving anywhere without them. Their as much as a trademark as my jacket and blue jeans.

4. Speaking of blue jeans (this could also be a self esteem thing I dont have a high ar on that) I don't like wearing certain clothes outside nor do I like wearing certain clothes to sleep or in my bed. My preferred fashion senses have always pertained to what I loved to wear and feel on my skin (let it be known I had a navy blue jacket at all times like this one sort of that I outgrew in middle school and a different jacket that held my special interest on it)

5. Speaking of special interests, TRANSFORMERS. that shit took over my life so fast you'd think that I was driving a nasa car with the way I dove headfirst into making that bitch an extraterrestrial. And while of course I grew out of things transformers is ALWAYS THERE and NEVER GOING AWAY no matter how much I dont talk about it with other people (that's what this blog is for)

6. Sensory shit. I dont care what something smells like I am going to get a whiff. Smells bad? Okay let me make sure. Smells good? I'm following it like a cartoon character ti a white steam trail. The only time I dont like a smell is when its so strong it literally makes me gag. I like smells but don't mix and match and crank it to eleven (also sugar cookies and cigarettes dont mix at all) this also goes for biting. I bite. So much.

7. Sensory OVERLOADS. I HAVE HAD TBOSE BEFORE APPARENTLY. Though absolutely they are rare. Is there a spectrum to how people deal with sensory overloads? I don't know and thats why I'm asking questions. I would be doing the dishes and the waters running the forks are clanging and the kids are screaming and the one little guy that I hate (sibling) is repeating the same phrase over and over in the most annoying way possible and I just can't take it anymore so I shut myself down to forcefully finish this task because I know what's going to happen if I don't and eventually in a groggy something something morning voice I tell him to shut the fuck up and it helps. If he listens.

8. For as long as I've known, I love food. And I have recently known, food equals a pattern in household. Not only food but the day has a type of pattern as well, and it directly connects to the type of food too. In simple terms so I don't spill guts along with blood, to little, irritable, find other ways to find needed things, a lot, the days okay and conversations light.

9. I have come to the epiphany that eggs are my comfort food. It doesn't matter how their made most of the time I will eat eggs in nearly any form I have LITERALLY had a daily/weekly limit to how many eggs i make a day forced onto me because eggs are too expensive.

10. I cant remember shit but most importantly I cant remember where I put items sometimes almost immedietly after I either set it down or look at something that has relative importance. I have forgotten I put my pencil in my backpack literal seconds after I put it in there, and mutual can attest to my lack of remembering exactly what I said unless it had great importance or funny capacity.

11. I have been stimming for as long as I have known and before I knew what stimming even was. Flappy hands and unusual sounds. I liked the sound of a whistle so much I ended up creating my own verbal stim that I used to this day. (Learned how to whistle a year later)

12. Masking. From what I was exposed to and understand its basically the ability to put on a mask and different facade for the general public compared to what was within, until 6th grade I actually barely had freinds (was really nice, had no/2 enemies in my life(very weird one was a literal frenemy)) and often was just walking around until I played games with others because those had rules and didn't involve too much small talk and I was happy to play in those games. But that was it. Then in 6th grade I gained the facade of happy and chill guy that never really got sad, the works.

This is not all but enjoy the blood sweat and tears of this... whole thing. I'm confused im tired and I'm simply trying to figure things out.

#nerudivergent #nerudivergancy #adhd #maybe #probably may delete later #autism too? #theres a lot of things #maladaptiveness maybe but that isnt the focus of this thing #idk man #theres a lot of personal stuff im not putting in here for personal reasons but i may make stuff on it later #theres also the specific things that can happen in specific conditions that arent trauma related that is actually pretty funny #like sleep patterns. #sleep in class and only in freinds cars comfortably outside of my bed #lwd to some funny things

[they2aproblem]

Post #005: Final Fantasy X

It's still not good. I am about 12 hours into Final Fantasy X and it's still not good. Final Fantasy X is one of the numerous titles that I originally thought that I had dog-piled because I wanted to mirror the sentiment of the "angry video game reviewers." I wish I could say that this game is better than I remembered when I first played it 10 years ago. It's not that I'm young either, I just played this game 10 years after it's release. This game came out in 2002, during my sophomore year of high school and I'm certain that 16-17 year old me would enjoyed this game. Time has not been fair to this game. I was hoping that I would be able to view Final Fantasy X in a more favorable light this time around like I did with Final Fantasy XIII earlier this year.

The problem with the characters is that they're stupid. Every single one of them. Tidus is supposed to be the reluctant hero. He's thrown into a situation that is unfamiliar, he wants nothing to do with it. He's thrown 1000 years into the future because Auron sucks. Yeah, I hate Auron, Auron is an irredeemable tool. Everything has to be explained to Tidus as a vehicle to explain things to the player. We're supposed to feel some sort of connection to Tidus, we're supposed to view ourselves as Tidus. The problem with that is Tidus sucks. Wakka is dumb as a post. Lulu is there so players can look at her ginormous spheres. Kimari would make a better protagonist for the sole reason he has little to no dialogue. Yuna is equally as useless as Tidus but at least there's a reason for her existence. In fact, maybe Yuna should have been the main characters. She's been sheltered for most of her life, has no idea of the outside world, needs the other party members to explain what's going on. Yuna is far and away a better choice as a main character than the emotionally stunted soccer player, Tidus. I've left out Rikku because I haven't gotten far enough to the point where she becomes a PERMANENT party member. From what I remember, Rikku was trying to find an alternate solution to the story.

The battle system is nothing more than just putting the correct shaped peg into the correct shaped hole. Each character is responsible for fighting against the corresponding enemy type. Tidus fights regular enemies, Lulu fights the magic enemies, Wakka fights the flying enemies, and Auron fights the enemies with shields. There is no complexity here; it's square peg goes in square hole, circle peg goes into circle hole, triangle peg goes in triangle hole.

I can't like this game. I have tried once before and I'm trying again now. It's just not a well made game. The characters are bad, the "plot twist" if you can call it that, makes for a very basic story, and the battle system feels like something a toddler would enjoy. A lot of times, there are games that do well when they are the first of its kind. Final Fantasy X was the first RPG on PS2. Going from the 32 bit look of Final Fantasy 7, 8, and 9 to a more cinematic look on the PS2 prompted this game to sell as well as it did. This game unfortunately punched above it's weight class and prompted Square to release a direct sequel. I am not looking forward to playing that game once I finish Final Fantasy X but I remember it being somehow worse. Final Fantasy X is just not worth the time.

[tenobelisk]

being in charge of things sucked because i had to juggle my mental illness with making sure things operated the way they should. this meant fixing the previous person-in-charge's failure to set and maintain standards. for years. standards for everything, most importantly workload distribution and efficacy.

so while undoing the damage caused by neglect, and shaping new employees to fit the new standards, i had to deal with old employees wondering why standards had changed. they were unfocused except when it came to themselves and their comfort, often at the cost of their coworkers. we were not a team, we did not work together or help each other. it wasn't done that way.

so look, guys, we're all paid shit, you and me, i'm not getting more for doing this. i just can't be part of a poorly run outfit because then you have asymmetrical workload. i will not work harder or less than anyone else in this place. we're all going to just muddle through equally and have each other's backs. we share the burden otherwise some of us end up doing more because the others think passing the problem on to someone else is somehow better than dealing with it themselves. like it's a lottery or playing hot potato with a lump of shit.

i was always working harder, i just couldnt tell them. not only because of my mental issues but because i could not morally or logically give them information that would burden them with more responsibility than they agreed to when they became employed. they were not responsible for making me satisfied i was doing my job, just as i was not responsible for their own satisfaction.

the key thing is that in these situations i was put in a managerial-type position without any improvement in pay or access to resources. so i had to make sure all of us knew we were sharing the work to minimise our individual burdens until we finished our time commitments and went home.

instead i was met with opposition and disdain just for trying to restructure things away from being a selfish free-for-all where one person's slacking off had to be picked up by someone else and they were drawing straws or playing adult hide and seek with effort. just a little bit of care and attention can make all of this time pass easier, instead of a weird hunter-and-hunted game where we try to pass the buck and leave our problems for other people.

in the end i realised i could not convey principles to people who had no willingness to learn anything outside of their own narrow idea of what they wanted. they had come to work for a specific experience and anything else was a flavour in their mouth they spat out without a thought. it just wasn't what they wanted, never mind if it was better or easier. their resentment had turned them toward selfish isolation and away from any kind of hope. they were broken and had no unity.

and i realised how many employers would prefer broken selfish workers at odds with each other. because the times that this worked.. the times that i rallied people together and made them see that we could make our time commitment to this job something we can enjoy and turn to serve our purposes.. those times often ended in bargaining for better wages and work environments. there were walk-outs and mass resignations, conflict and upheaval and revolution. and i realised something.

#workers rights #i got shouted at for being a commie a lot #or a control freak #if my interest in our shared efforts reducing individual burden means i have control issues then buddy im a fucking nightmare on wheels