#but also theyd die if anything bad happened to the other and nothing could ever seperate them and stop them from loving eacjother and theyre | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wickedpact · 3 years

Note

You can't just drop that "I read Forces Multiplied" bomb on us and not give a ten page written reaction.

[cracks knuckles] if u insist

nicky cant drive hc: destroyed. rip. also i loved how andy and nile stole those sports cars and were being badass and driving off the bridge & meanwhile joe and nicky were just absolutely vibing in the van

'heres the thing about power: people who have it think they deserve it' [shot of police car] i see u greg

5 whole panels being dedicated to booker not being able to unlock his door. booker not even seeing noriko sitting RIGHT THERE in the window at first. incredible

noriko being 24/7 horny was surprising. like wow all of the stuff i saw she did out of context was 100% equally horny in context as it was out of context. love that for her

i didnt think the 'andy + slavery' thing was handled as badly as everyone made it out to be when telling me about it. tho from the way it was talked about i had kind of figured the conflict between andy and nile re: slavery would be really racially charged (esp considering nile is a black american and would obvs have Thoughts on the subject in that regard) but like,, done in a cringey 'a-white-guy-obviously-wrote-it' kind of way? but it wasnt that. i mean. it makes sense that andy would be implicit in slavery through the years

i mean, like she says, is that not what people just did to each other in the aftermath of battles for thousands of years? and i really like how its pointed out that it was what she was raised with (in the beginning when you see her put shackles on that guy after the battle) but she also accepts responsibility for it and acknowledges that it was wrong and not just 'what people did'.

i like how from her expressions you can kind of tell baby andy knew it was off but she sets those feelings aside bc she felt angry. it explains how she felt but didnt make her out to be blameless in it. plus i mean. i dont know, the fact that andy was involved in a lot of morally shady stuff for 7000 years is not that wild for me. if you live that long youre just Going to be involved in some shit, and she didnt even have other immortals with her as positive community influences, she literally just did whatever the fuck she wanted for thousands of years

'i was worshipped as a god once' i mean, yeah no shit she wouldve been involved in some seriously fucked up stuff, gods were fucking scary back in the day

tldr it could use some polish but it wasnt that bad

tho everything people said about moose being boring was unfortunately a little true. sorry king i tried to be interested in you

joe and nicky writing verbal fanfiction about nile and moose was iconic. 'you seeing that?' 'i am definitely seeing that'

it was also extremely funny bc that was like 60% of their contribution to the whole comic, besides kidnapping copley. they came, they wrote some fanfic, they left. kings. at least in tog1 they had an excuse to be useless bc they got kidnapped

joe just found out his old friend who he thought was dead is alive (and also probably wants to murder them) and instead of investigating with andy he stopped to help nile up. champ.

nicky shooting noriko through andy was cool. rip to the concept since it wont happen in tog2

wanna see mr ejiofor deliver this line

on that note imo copley was. weirdly enough, more interesting in fm than in tog1. to me at least. the fact that andy let him live and he was so haunted by what had happened that he came back and sought them out despite knowing they would likely kill him for it bc he wanted to not only make up for what hed done but also to tell them what theyd done for the world was admittedly more interesting than andy just kind of drafting him to the cause and him going 'okie'

i like how nicky was drawn in this one. in opening fire he looks like a blob man but in fm he looks more like a very nice grampa with a very good dye job

'theres no pain like a broken heart' andy 🥺

noriko implying andy's never drowned. .. .idk about that one, she musta drowned sometime

joe and nicky came, they waxed poetic about nile's love life, they waxed poetic about grog, and then they left.

sports bras being a reason humanity is good. i mean..... okay, yeah.

i mean. wild but you cant exactly tell her shes wrong

i liked how noriko telling andy that their purpose is to make people suffer coincides with joe and nicky finding out that they actually did good all those years

joenicky in opening fire: jail for booker jail for booker for 100 years

joenicky when copley tells them he knows where booker is: WE'LL KILL YOU WHERE IS HE

joenicky when copley comes back: if your vibes come off as even remotely rancid we Will destroy you

joenicky 2 minutes later when copley helped them find booker: he made up some ground :)))) <3 lov you j cops

theyre forgiving af

moose: how old are you?? a hundred??? a thousand???

nile [vine voice]: I M 2 7 ?

alright andy you got me there

joe texts like my aunt

i dont know why noriko drowning andy in that car tickled me. Bad And Naughty Andromaches Get Put In The Pear Wiggler To Atone For Their Crimes.

the drowning sequence was cool

copley trying to talk to andy while she was like o_o at him was great

ive hit the picture limit but id seen that panel where nicky goes 'forgive me' as he kills a guy out of context and it was HILARIOUSLY anticlimactic for me to discover that there was literally no context to it. nicky just apologizes to random people he kills. i thought that guy was someone he knew or something. nope its just Some Guy that nicky didnt know from adam

nile's complaint that andy was especially brutal to the guys on the boat... i mean. . , how exactly does one kill a man with an axe and not be brutal about it?

it was funny how noriko kissed andy and the only people who seemed surprised by that were nile and also andy

nicky and joe's complete non-reaction to finding out noriko is alive And Evil Now is endlesly funny. they just left her on that boat and neither cared. i get book and nile not caring but joe and nicky knew her, and they just have 0 input on the subject of what to do with her

pinstripe suit guy!

joe and nicky and booker packing up and leaving with nile

andy blowing up at nile was A Moment tho

i dont know, i get why people didnt like the ending but its. .. . it makes more sense in the comicverse. bc the squad doesnt really. .. interact outside of jobs? i mean, think of the moon landing story in ttt. that was booker and joe and nicky doing a job and andy only showed up a for a couple minutes after it was done. or the brunch in the first issue of opening fire. the squad arent as tight in the comic, and andy often seems to do her own thing outside of work, so andy saying 'i dont want to do work anymore' and the squad being like 'alright bye then' makes more sense in this universe than the movie one

also i feel like greg was Trying to set up a thing where nile becomes the Leader of The Squad after andy dies but like. its not very well done since. . . i mean, nile hasnt spoken to booker since opening fire, (and she only knew him A Day). and shes known joe and nicky all that time, but there isnt really anything that indicates that they have any relationship at all, much less one that's grown. in all the comicverse the only time nile and nicky speak is in FM, and in that scene nicky tells nile about noriko. nile goes from someone who needs to be set aside to have background knowledge explained to her to being the Leader of the group with nothing in between. it kind of... comes out of nowhere.

on the other hand tho... i felt really bad for andy thru the whole thing. well, i always felt bad for andy, but in this one she seemed so miserable, especially since it really felt like none of the others actually.... cared about her. when noriko came back no one asked andy how she was doing (big question ik, but it wouldve showed they cared at least), nobody ever expressed any concern for her, no one even really seemed to want to be around her. in opening fire everyone was more distant than in the movie of course, but there were little moments where she would joke with joe, or nicky would try and comfort her, or stuff like that, but in FM it really felt like they just didnt really care about her. & in opening fire it felt a lot like andy's relationship with nile breathed some new life into her, but in FM it felt like all they did was argue. i get theyre not *as* close in the comics but it really felt like the only person who cared about andy at all was noriko (which was probably also how andy felt) but it just seemed to come out of nowhere. honestly i was reading and i was honestly agreeing with andy that she might just be better off if she did just die. opening fire, on the other hand, never make me feel that way

tho everyone made it sound like when the squad split up it was one of those cursed 'the found family leaves each other at the end of the journey' tropes. but guys i mean,,, this is the second installment out of three. that isnt the End. theyll come back in the third one and Dramatically Reunite to fight some baddies (probably those 'others' noriko mentioned). im guessing yitzhak fits into that too somehow.

anyways it wasnt That Bad but it made me kind of sad and the only Sweet Found Family vibes in it were when they saved booker. also they shouldve beefed up that nilemoose romance, it underwhelmed me. 6.5/10

i also ABSOLUTELY understand all of greg's comments about how you couldnt make FM directly into a movie, he always said that it had no plot and. i get it now. it really didnt have a plot sdfghjkl

#nicoloalkaysani #it took me So Long to type this up #asdfghjk

22 notes · View notes

finalsorrow · 4 years

Note

What do you think will happen after how things turned out in s3? The only good thing about it was isaac, do you think they'd make alucard vlad 2.0 and make his friends turn against him?

It pisses me off to think about! i only watched s3 so i could fairly judge how bad it was. and yes, it was definitely bad.

Not to totally disagree with you (because even i found certain parts of season 3 mildly enjoyable if they werent attached to such a shitshow... pretty much only the later scenes with st germaine) but

Isaac wasn’t even a good part of S3, he was just the only “not bad” part. And even his whole section was poorly written and I think they cut out a whole bunch of screen time for one of the other 3 plots that also make no sense and are all ALSO horribly written.

idk, i think we’ll just get another whole season with lenore treating hector like shit because Warren Ellis was probably going to ride that train for as long as possible, so we’ll see nothing but more shitty dehumanising/rape jokes towards this guy.

alucard will become dracula 2.0, and if trevor and sypha do find him in that season then REASONABLY theyd probably end up fighting him and he’d “become good again”, but the shows pacing and writing is so shit that warren might’ve wanted to wait for season 5 for that whole plot, or he’ll just write alucard being cruel and “beautifully sad” in the most unnecessary of ways again.

and trevor and sypha are going to be just as boring as ever, with more of the exact same fight scenes we’ve seen throughout the entire show. never changing. no character development, just plot points.

so overall, I think it’s going to be boring and lazy. part of why season 3 was successful was just because of its shock value, but all i can see in the future as REALLY keeping anyone entertained are those die-hard alucard fans who are like ‘’😭 nooo alucard is my wittle baby dont be so mean to him noooo’ and those shitty radfems who are going to watch and gif all the weird rape/dehumanisation shit between lenore and hector.

thats literally it. there’s no reason for anyone to care about anything else because its all empty, and take out the sex and “pretty guy crying because we have to appeal to straight girls on netflix” scenes, and you have nothing.

#Castlevania #.// OOC #rape mention #Anonymous

11 notes · View notes

ivory-haired-queens-blog · 5 years

Text

Unpopular Opinions: Fandom Edition

Hey none of you asked but I’m here to deliver so here are some unpopular opinions for the fandoms I’m in. Spoilers, duh.

Marvel:

I don’t like Natasha. Or Steve.

Pepper Potts is a top.

As much as I love Loki, his death was nessicary in Infinity War.

Steve should have killed Bucky in Civil War. He was a threat, plain and simple.

I ship Ironstrange/Supremefamily.

Clint should have died in Infinity War.

I love Tony Stark with my whole heart. (Not an unpopular opinion but you needed to know that)

I’m not happy with the end of Endgame.

10 years in the making....for you to do Thor like that?

Not because he’s fat or because he’s dealing with trauma, that’s totally acceptable.

What’s not acceptable is them making Thor into the butt of the joke because he’s fat.

I love the Antman movies.

I’m totally not biased because I loved lost.

(I’m kinda biased)

Shuri is the best Marvel character and would beat Tony Stark in a battle of wits.

(I’m so gay I love her.)

With as many years as Marvel has had the MCU, I am disgusted at the lack of diversity within the movies.

Like it’s 2019 and we JUST got a female empowerment scene in Endgame.

Like I want a gay superhero.

(We have a disabled one thank god. Love you Stephen.)

And don’t give me that Valkyrie/Captain Marvel BS because they never blatantly stated or showed it in their movies.

I want an Asian superhero bitch.

A superhero who is Muslim/Islam/and religion besides Christian.

I think that, as much as I hate Natasha and Steve, they should have been the ones that Bruce first sees in Infinity War. I know it set up the whole “earth is closed today” sequence but it didn’t make sense and was OOC.

I love Stephen Strange and he’s never done a single thing wrong ever in his life I would die for this man.

I like MCU Peter Parker over the origional movie Spider-Man.

Fight me.

I also like the Tony Stark/Peter Parker better than the Uncle Ben/Peter Parker so @ me.

The 100

I don’t ship Bellarke that hard.

Like yes, I think they’re obviously being groomed to end up together. I know the show runners will make them official before the end of the series. I’m not mad about that, I just don’t really care to be honest. It’s like, too obvious.

But there are some cute bellarke scenes

What they did to Monty was bullshit but what they did to Jasper was worse.

I feel no guilt whatsoever in saying that I think that killing all of Mount Weather was what they should have done from the beginning.

Yes, even the kids. Because if you kill their leaders, the men and women will fight back. The colony would have been left with a handful of adults, and a bunch of kids if the origional plan had worked. This is doomed to fail and honestly just killing them all would be better than seeing them kill eachother for food, power, whatever. If that makes sense.

I think that Finn deserved to die.

I think that Murphey deserves the world.

Charlotte fucking killed Wells. Yes she’s young but she knows better than to kill someone. Maybe not kill her, but we all know that Clarke wouldn’t have banished her like she did Murphey. Clarke has a gender bias because Murphey didn’t do anything and she wouldn’t have punished Charlotte as hard because she’s a young girl. I rest my case

Even though what he did was bad and wrong, I don’t think Murphey should have been banished. He’s right. They were all compliant and even excited when he was being hung, but when it’s a little girl all bets are off.

Like Bellamy brought the whole hostage thing upon himself because he fucking tied a noose around Murphey’s throat.

Again, not that what Murphey did was right. He didn’t have to act like that. Jasper didn’t do anything to him.

Also this segment is getting long but the show writers and everyone else just casually forgot that Murphey was TORTURED? Hello? Are we not going to acknowledge that?

I shipped Clexa with my whole heart.

Another actually popular opinion: what they’ve done to Raven’s character this season is bullshit. Her only role is Abby’s moral compass. This is the same girl who shuttled to earth in a Tin Can. She’s better than this.

What the fuck??? Happened to??? Jordan???

Like Madi stabbed him

And then they proceeded to not talk about it for like four episodes and then casually mention it in passing like “oh he saved Pria that means he gets to live”

Like they set up his character to be really important this season.

But he’s not.

I think that Murphey/Emori is the best ship.

I also think that Either Murphey or Emori or Both are secretly double crossing the Primes. (This comes out before the finale of season six)

They didn’t have to do Onyia like that

The opening of season three is so weak that I actually stopped watching the show around that time (I’d been watching since the beginning of season two) because there’s just nothing there in the first like 10 minutes and I couldn’t do it.

Maybe I’m just impatient but it’s bad.

I think that Octavia did the best that she could with what she had available and I think that’s she’s not a bad person for what she did with the fighting pits/cannabalism. And I know that if Bellamy had been in her place, he would have eventually done the same.

Kane was a whiny bitch in season 5.

Why’d the kill Diyoza(I can’t spell) like that?

I liked Joesephine. It was really fun to see Eliza Taylor be able to get a new character in the show. Also props to her for that last episode with pretending to be Joesephine and being Clarke at the same time.

I called the dude being Gabriel from the first time I saw him you peasants.

Octavia’s redemption arc this season is beautiful.

They did....that.....to Kane. I’m angerey.

Lost In space

Not enough people watch this show. (The Netflix remake or the origional)

Seriously guys it’s a good show.

Absolutely nothing is wrong with it.

I love Don West with my whole heart.

I love Dr. Smith with my half heart.

I love the robot with my two hearts.

I love Penny Robinson with all the stars in the galaxy.

I love all of them okay.

There are no plot holes, no inconsistencies, no faulty science and anyone who says (or proves) otherwise is wrong.

It’s confirmed for a season two which should air in like the December-February time area.

It’s a Netflix show so you can binge the entire season in like a weekend.

Seriously watch it.

The Umbrella Academy

Five x Delores is weird.

Luther x Allison is illegal.

Klaus deserves all the push pops in the world.

The handler is hot.

The Comission killed Dave.

Luther is the most boring, Unorigional, straight white guy character I’ve seen in a long time. I hate him so much.

Allison is a queen but her character is brought down by her weird relationship with her brother.

Tbh if I was Allison you know I’d be telling my kids that I heard a rumor that theyd go the fuck to sleep. Like that’s a good thing. Idk maybe I’m just a sociopath.

Istanbul not Constantinople being played over a scene where five murders a squad of Commission people is the greatest cinematic masterpiece ever conceived by man.

“Where are you going” “to save the world” “oh is that all?” Iconic.

None of these are really unpopular but the show writers seem to think differently.

Diego has never done anything wrong in his life like yaaaasss bitch kill your brother at yo daddy’s funeral!!! Work!!!

PaTcH

AAaAHh

Big Theif - Mary is the perfect song to play over Klaus returning from Vietnam.

Will you love me, like you loved me in the January rain?

It’s up there with Goodbye July.

Speaking of Goodbye July....

Z Nation

Many people haven’t watched it

It’s like if The Walking Dead and Zombieland had a baby....and then the baby did a line of cocaine.

It’s wild.

Watching Garnet die ruined every sliver of hope I had in humanity.

I have a special place in my heart for this show because it’s the first show that me and my mom would stay up and watch the new episodes air every Friday. It brought us closer and I can’t thank the cast and show runners enough for this.

So maybe I’m biased, but you should watch it.

Having Murphey switch from being an anti-hero to a villain back to an anti-hero and then to a regular hero, amazing. Astonishing. The peak of human existence.

Even though he’s not entirely human.

What color is Murphey today? Is he pale, discolored, grey, blue, red? We don’t know!

Roberta Warren is the Black Goddess main protagonist that we deserve.

Addison Carver is a functional Bi.

10k is tragic backstory central but other than that, his character development is pretty lacking other than him persuing love interests.

None of these are really unpopular opinions but I doubt any of you have watched the show. It’s on Netflix. Watch it.

Oooooohhhhh George.

Georgia St. Clair could stomp me to death and my ghost would still want to fuck her.

Anyways I’m gay

God damn I have a lot of pent up Gay energy.

Murphey and Lucy have a realistic enstranged father/daughter relationship and it’s heartwarming.

And then they killed her off to save him.

Honestly if you name a character Murphey they can only be assholish bad boys with a good heart deep down sorry I don’t make the rules.

Also if you name a character Murphey I will love them with my whole soul.

I’m so mad they cancelled the show.

I’m infinitely more mad that they named that disgrace of a show Black Summer and claimed that it was a prequel....but it didn’t follow the same cast and had they not advertised it as a prequel I would never have guessed.

Black Summer gives totally opposite vibes than Z Nation does. I get that black summer is supposed to be the worst time that the zombie apocalypse ever had, with cannibals and no food, but it feels like s completely different show.

It’s like if The Walking Dead claimed that it is a prequel/occurs during Shaun of the Dead.

Like....no. They’re....no.

Anyway watch it it’s good.

Detroit: Become Human

Connor isn’t the best character.

This is an unpopular opinion post deal with it.

Markus has to be my favorite.

Honestly this game is so good and not even just graphics-wise.

It’s the same robotic sentience story we’ve been fed for years, but this time it’s from the Android’s perspective and this time all they want is to be free. That’s it.

I fucking hate North.

Hank is literally if Rick from Rick and Morty were serious.

The only correct way to play Connor is to walk the thin line between deviant and regular A.I. Without leaving out Hank. The correct thing to do is make Conner deviant at Jericho.

The only correct way to play Kara is to protect Alice with every fiber of your being. Meanwhile, get close to her. Do not get caught, even if that means dissappointing her.

The only correct way to play Markus is to lead a peaceful revolution. Also tell North to fuck off.

The border patrol guy who either gets Kara and Alice caught or knowingly lets Androids cross the border is the best character. Forget about Markus, this guy sees either “oh fuck androids are killing people, maybe we shouldn’t let this one cross the border” or “Androids just want to be free and are peacefully fighting for this. Let this one and her daughter through.” I love him.

LUTHER.

YES DADDY.

anyway.

Let Out The Bear He Just Wants To Say Hi :)

Even though I think Conner is overrated by the fandom, I do like him.

But he’s not a pure innocent cinnamon roll either.

It depends on how you play, but he has really violent options so stop the “He wouldn’t harm a fly” attitude.

But he is cute.

The home screen for the game is revolutionary (no pun intended) and I hope future game follow suit in making the first impression of the game something cool.

Stealing clothes/money/the fence cutters is literally okay.

Also if you put Kara in white hair you can die.

If in your first actual play through you got the Kara lives at the recycling plant ending but Alice dies, you can die too.

I’ve never actually seen the steal money and go to motel option play out because it’s stupid, especially if you don’t steal clothes. Like that’s begging to be caught.

Stranger things

Billy Hargrove is bad and just because he’s abused does not make what he does okay.

Harringrove is gross and I’m gay so my opinion counts as double.

That being said, there are some really cute fics about Harringrove and I can see the appeal of “good boy falls for mysterious bad boy with a dark past and trauma”

I’ve said I’m gay this whole post because I say it a lot, but I don’t like actually labeling myself but I like girls and boys and everything in between and I say I’m gay kinda as a joke when girls are hot.

That being said...

Steve Harrington calling himself Daddy made me feel things.

Strange things.

Haha get it I’m making a joke to distract you from the daddy part.

Steve Harrington is a good person now, but he was still an asshole before and he can still be criticized for his past.

I used to be hardcore Jancy but after season three I feel like Nancy needs and deserves a break from boys so she can figure out herself and who she is now and what she wants to do without the weight of boys and boyfriends constantly around her.

That being said i still don’t like Nancy because she was flirting/slept in the same bed with Jonathan whilst obviously having feelings for him while she and Steve were still a thing. It’s not cheating but to me it’s close enough to raise red flags.

Robin is perfect in every way.

I don’t like Jonathan. He’s creepy in s1, fine in s2, but then is s3 he doesn’t do anything to or about his male bosses when Nancy is being made fun of because she’s a woman.

Seeing Nancy’s class priveledge/Jonathan’s male priveledge clashing was so cool tbh

Elmax > Mileven > Lumax

Jim Hopper, with all his faults, is still a caring dad.

Plus him threatening Mike made me laugh so hard sksksksks

Steve Harrington deserves the world and then some.

Low key I really want s4 to give in insight on his family life.

I also want him to get an apartment with Robin.

Robins cute tbh but for half the season I though she was a Russian spy. I guess I was wrong.

Mrs. Wheeler shouldn’t sleep with billy (not that she can now) because it’s wrong, but the reason she wanted to is because her husband is so boring and she gave up on her dreams to be his perfect housewife. She wanted a challenge with Billy. Instead, she should leave her pushover of a husband and find someone better.

Anyway Steve Harrington deserves the world.

Yeah okay hate me whatever.

104 notes · View notes

always-evergreen · 4 years

Note

jasmine, primrose, gardenia, lions fairytale, lily of the valley, desert rose, creams and sky, tulip, daphne, wisteria, angels face, iris, caramel kisses, primula, queen anne's lace, forget me not, lunaria, sunflower, snowdrop, peonie, tea rose, sweet pea, love in the mist, crown imperial, cosmos, moon flower, lily, anemone, lotus, buttercup, calendula, blazing star, carnation, petunia, and morning glory 💐🌸💮🌹🌺🌻🌼🌷

whew this is a lot!! thanks for asking! ill put this under a read more so I dont clog up everyones dash

jasmine; what mythical creature do you wish actually existed? - my favourite was always griffins but I feel like theyd be kinda terrifying so im gonna go w mermaids!!

primrose; what book does everyone right now need to read? - not really a specific book but I think people just need to read more old timey books where literally nothing happens to calm us all down a little

gardenia; what’s a promise you’ve recently made to yourself? - I dont make promises to myself bc I know me too well and that bitch is a liar

lion’s fairytale; would you rather be the sky, the ocean or the forests? - this is actually a really cool question! I feel like the sky would be kinda lonely whereas the ocean and forests are full of life..... im gonna go forest just bc its a little less scary than the ocean lol

lily of the valley; did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize? - cant say anyones ever actually hurt me that badly lol

desert rose; do you like yourself? - eh sure. could be improved upon but could be a whole lot worse!!

creams and sky; what’s the craziest/bravest thing you’ve done? - its not crazy but the bravest thing ive done is probably move away from home for university...and then drop out of two separate higher education courses lmfao

tulip; name 5 facts about yourself. - 1. im 5′6″. 2. ive dyed my hair 10 times. 3. im the middle of 3 siblings. 4. my biggest fear is someone breaking into my house. 5. my favourite animals are turtles!

daphne; do you believe in karma? - mmm not really... I dont not believe in it tho

wisteria; whom do you admire and why? - can I be honest w u guys? ive never had a role model in my life. never once have I looked at someone and been like ‘wow ur so cool and admirable I want to be like u’ like I just dont “admire” people idk:/

angel’s face; what was your favorite bedtime story as a child? - I really loved on Christmas eve when my dad would read us all the night before Christmas and the miracle of Jonathan Toomey... even when I got older and he was really just reading to my sister id still listen in lol

iris; do you believe in ghosts? - hell yeah!

caramel kisses; would you want to live forever? why/why not? - maybe so that I could really see the whole world and travel everywhere and experience everything these different places have to offer but probably not bc once all my friends and family died itd be really lonely... if there were other immortals then possibly

primula; what makes you sad? - my cats getting quite old so its really upsetting to think that in a few years hes gonna die

queen anne’s lace; who do you trust the most? - my bitch haide<3

forget me not; do you have any regrets looking back in your life? - yeah of course what kind of sociopath doesn't have regrets!!

lunaria; what’s your favorite fictional universe? - middle earth

sunflower; share a favorite quote. - “Don’t die wondering.” - The Way Way Back

snowdrop; what does your ideal day look like? - sleep till noon, lie in bed watching movies all day, walk the dog, large bowl of pasta for dinner, more movies

peony; share a small random book passage that means something to you. - “He does something to me, that boy. Every time. It’s his only detriment. He steps on my heart. He makes me cry.” - The Book Thief, Markus Zuzak… that's always been one of my favourite books and rudys one of my all time favourite characters and this was the first time I had ever cried reading a book... fun fact ive actually only read this book twice bc I dont have the emotional strength to go through this scene again

tea rose; what’s something you always wanted to do but were too scared? - I honestly cant think of anything atm...

sweet pea; who means the world to you? why? - my friends, my pets, my dad, jesse pinkman

love in the mist; best books you’ve ever read? - gotta say the book thief lol uhh fahrenheit 451, pretty much anything by ray Bradbury actually, to kill a mockingbird, the secret life of bees, lotr, his dark materials, little women, dorian gray, the shadow of the wind series

crown imperial; would you rather be extremely rich or extremely loved? - id like to have money obviously but id rather be loved than super rich

cosmos; do you ever think about the galaxy? - cant say that I do

moonflower; what’s your favorite color? - pink! and blue and yellow

lilly; what’s something you love watching/reading but you are too embarrassed to admit you do? - I gave up being embarrassed about my interests years ago, theres no time for feeling bad about stuff u enjoy in life

anemone; describe yourself in 3 words. - baddest bitch alive. nah jk ummm quiet, curious, daydreamer

lotus; best memory as a child? - I have such a bad memory so I dont actually remember a lot of my childhood but ill say just in general the time spent at my grans during the summer holidays, especially if our cousins were also visiting. that was a lot of fun

buttercup; if you could change one thing in the world, what would it be? - redistribute the wealth of the super rich, thereby contributing to ending poverty, hunger and homelessness across the world

calendula; biggest pet peeve? - slow walkers, people who chew with their mouths open

blazing star; share a secret. - I dont really have secrets lmao nothing that interesting ever happens to me

carnation; would you rather live longer or happier? - happier

petunia; who’s story is your biggest inspiration in life? why? - again I dont look up to people and I am inspired by no one

morning glory; any special talent that you have? - I dont even have any normal talents let alone special ones lol

thanks for asking! hope this was interesting xx

1 note · View note

tfw-no-tennis · 4 years

Text

hxh RESUME

back at it again w/the hxh, heres my recap of the last few eps

ok so i totally forgot to recap that one ep at the end of the hunter exam arc lets see what i remember from like 3 wks ago lollll

i thiiiiink i left off in the middle of ep 21 lol. i really dont remember much tbh so im gonna skim the ep to refresh

exposition time! its so wild that if you lose ur hunter card That It like u cant get another or retake the exam hgabjdfuhasjf Ls

also the fact that you can sell it is rlly interesting

leorio & kurapika backing up gon as he confronts illumi again :’) good lil family

illumi u fool. gon is a shounen protag. he can do anything he sets his mind to

the fact that gon thanks illumi for telling him where killua is....hes literally THAT polite like...what a perfect boy

hisoka just fuckgin stepping out of the shadows....ok bitch

the fact that gon fucked up illumis arm that bad with one hand....boi is STRONK

AUGH AUGH AUGHHHH HISOKA IS SO CREEPY AUGHHH I HATE THIS BIIIITCH

ok but like is illumi implying that hisoka is a fr p*do bc uhhhhh thats so nasty oh lord. pls stay away from gon, and killua, and like everyone as a matter of fact

EWWWWWWWWWW I HATE HISOKA HES SO NASTY. PLS STOP MAKING P*RNO FACES IN RELATION TO 12 YR OLD BOYS.

no but rlly what IS hisoka gonna do now. im assuming he’ll show up p soon (tho probs not in the zoldyc arc like i thought bc its shorter than i thought)

ok the fact that they have the internet is hilariously wild to me for some reason....it just seems like this would be one of those fantasy shounen worlds with very little tech (a la one piece) but lol nope we can just google shit hvbhjdhjdfks

gon: it was fun when you beat me up for 3 hours and broke my arm! seeya dude!

i love gon he is so chill and doesnt seem to hold grudges except when it really matters (like hisoka and illumi)

hanzo has.....ninja business cards....thats amazing hvbhsdjkujfnd

dont worry pokkle, leorio was basically carried thru the hunter exam by various people and also won by default. he still deserves his license tho

an exotic game hunter sounds pretty cool! i wonder if we’ll see pokkle again. kinda doubt it? that sounds pretty firmly non-combat based, and therefore probably pretty far from any plot lol

so gons dad is a bigshot huh.....whatever hed be a bigger deal if he didnt abandon his son tbh

gon swinging his feet on the bench....sooo cute

so ging could restore a bunch of ruins but he couldnt raise his son...ok

im just gonna be bitter at this guy for abandoning the most perfect boy vhbhjfbsjhdhbfsk sorry dude but being a good hunter doesnt make up for being a shit father

gon is so precious ;_;

WHAT WAS SATOTZ GONNA SAY TO GON???

why does it look like theyre googling things on MS paint

ah yes, padokea, on the continent of Africa But Sideways

idk if i talked abt it before but the world map is WILD lmao i love how its all the continents/landmasses scrambled around.....im super curious abt that weird island in the top center of the map, thats the only thing that immediately sticks out as not having a real life equivalent

the music in this show is so charming :’) i love the main theme sm

gon is sooo precious i literally cant get over it. and his hurry to rescue killua is so sweet....and i love how naturally charming/charismatic gon is....pretty much everyone he meets likes him, especially leorio and kurapika, who basically adopted him after knowing him for like a day, and continue to be completely taken by him

ok wtf is satotz & co talking abt......do they know something abt ging that they arent allowed to tell gon???? shouldnt gon have access to the same info now that hes a hunter? i need ANSWERS

i bet this whole thing abt the hunter exam not rlly being over is a metaphor abt the hunter exam NEVER truly ending bc youre always being tested, or st

ok the ED continues to be So Much like especially the last shot where the 4 main characters look like theyre posing for a JC Penny catalog while the singer goes FULL metal-screamo

ok ruth and i just rewatched the next two eps woohoo

i love that there are tourist busses that take people to the front gates so they can like pose for pics and stuff vhbhjafdsfkj and its like ‘ah yes here are where the local assassins live!’ thats so funny yet it makes so much sense

i love that leorio passed tf out during the bus ride. big big mood

gon is so cute...hes like ok yes i understand that we’re not supposed to go in but i think they can make an exception for me bc im very polite.

those 2 dudes r so ugly and so dead god bless

that bigass buster sword....sir please

ruth and i rlly thot that the old guard guy was gonna turn out to be grandpa zoldyk or st lol

the fact that the dog managed to eat All their flesh but left some clothes....skill

also the dog is named mike but it sounds like the guy is calling him miku hvbjdfssk

this cant be the first time some morons have been killed here likeeee

i cant believe nobody has visited the zoldyk estate in 20 years damn they all rlly b havin no friends. depressing

the whole gates thing is wild. also that part where gon gets the math wrong on the weight.....BIG mood kiddo

ok the part where gons on the phone w/the butler is soooo good oh man. i love how gon just calmly dials the phone again after hes hung up on the first time and then YELLS....and leorio and kurapikas faces r so good

also the butler guy unfortunately has a point, it isnt foolproof that gon is here Legit....but he IS let him see his tiny bf :(

as ruth pointed out, the butler guy is reminiscent of kuro from one piece. same vibes

maybe if leorio was jacked like he is in the manga/1999 anime he couldve opened the gate that first time around....Ls

god i love this shows approach to Everything so far,....as ruth put it, half the time its like ‘oh wow they should do [x]/i wish theyd do [x] but ofc they wont cause its a shounen’ but then they DO do [x] and its like damn thats dope

anyways i love how gon is increasingly approaching situations with his Plucky Shounen Protag Attitude in full swing, and he pretty much gets shot down every time. BUT his general determination to see killua bc killuas his FRIEND and hes gonna RESCUE HIM is still a good and pure motivating force

like here, when hes climbing over the wall and hes like whatever i dont wanna have to deal w/being tested thats bullshit, i wanna see killua, my intentions are pure, im gonna try my luck with the dog....i was like ok yeah he’ll get over and like tame or defeat the dog and the guard will be suitably impressed bc nobodys ever done That before, and then gon will continue on to get killua

but NOPE instead the guard calls him down and explains that gon Will Die if he tries that, and then the guard will die too for letting that happen. and gon is like oh shit my actions have consequences for people other than me, wow.

and THEN the guard takes them in to meet the dog. and hot DAMN that is a scary creature. not even really a dog tbh. they did an excellent job making the dog Legit Scary and not just like, big and flashy looking....those eyes are so soulless, and the proportions are freaky

and the guard says exactly what i was thinking - that gon would use his Country Boy Woodland Creature Skills to workaround the dog....but then the subversion - this creature is NOTHING like the woodland critters gon is probably used to dealing with. theres no way gon stood a chance here. the guard just saved him from a really unfortunate death

i love all the Super Heavy Stuff in the servant house that seems so inconvenient vbhjdkfasjfld. also forgot to mention earlier but the guard guy being Absolutely Ripped was wild and kinda funny

training montage! gon continues to be so cute. and i love so much how leorio and kurapika are like no, you rest, we’ll take care of this. good parents!!!!

and then!!!! they sync up and use the power of gay love to almost open the gate. but then gon uses the power of Improbable Shounen Protag Healing Speed to toss that arm sling off and help out

i feel like leorio was side-eyeing gon like w8 a sec u broke that arm like a few days ago that aint right.....

oh man i almost forgot abt that scene with the zoldyks torturing killua :( :( this poor kid he doesnt deserve that

also mom zoldyck seems truly awful but i must say her aesthetic does fuck. the victorian-lookin outfit paired with the futuristic cyclops visor thing....excellent. also im betting this face bandages are from killua cutting her face

this family is so fucked up hvbsjdhjfbakdfn

killua telling his mom that gon is definitely gonna make it there :’) hes got such unshakable faith in his bf thats so good.....

back w/the gang, and immediately they run into more trouble in the form of the young girl butler, whose name i dont know, but i love her....her design is SO good oh man. a non-caricature black person? who also isnt sexualized? in MY anime??????

i love how gons approach to conflict is currently ‘let more powerful person beat me up for hours straight in hopes that they get tired or something idk bro’ like....i love him lol, is it in an effort to show how determined he is? he doesnt even try to dodge her blows or get around her....id be tryin to hop that fence lol

oh shit the tiny zoldyk kid from earlier is spying on them....she was w/the mom so im sure thats not good

when he punches the rock part and it breaks....strong boiiii

oh man that little flashback from when killua first came back and told her that he made a friend ;_; bruh

i love butler girl :( she wants to let gon but knows it isnt allowed....and as soon as she starts to waver BAM here comes mom zoldyck JFC that was so sudden and jarring....im assuming butler girl isnt dead cause that would be lame and anticlimactic

also IS THAT NEN??? NEN>>>??? NEN??? HM? NEN?????????

im so annoying abt nen i need to make one of those ‘is this a pigeon?’ memes w/’is this nen?’ bc thats me anytime anything remotely weird happens lmao

i do think its rlly nen this time tho

anyways shit is wild, cant wait to meet the full zoldyck family

PREDICTION CORNER:

as i said above i doubt hisoka will show up now bc this arc is a lot shorter than i anticipated. also im doubting that illumis even gonna show up honestly

i think we’re gonna have this OP for a while, as the part just at the end shows gon and hisoka fighting in what looks to be an arena, and ik the next arc is the heavens arena arc, which im assuming is the tournament arc....

also i have no idea what that weird building in the OP is but my guess is that its the building w/the heavens arena in it bc its tall and,,,,heaven

i predict there wont be much fighting in this little arc bc how tf else is it so short. at this point i rlly think gon is just gonna grab killua and go lmao. im super curious abt how thats gonna go down, considering that killua is currently strung up just bc he wont apologize...so i cant imagine his family would just let him leave w/gon. i wonder if killua will fight them, or if gons determination will impress them and then theyll let killua go (doubt it)

thats basically it....we’ll see abt the next few eps holla

#lj watches hxh #hxh #woohoo continuation

2 notes · View notes

two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat · 4 years

Text

CW: transphobia, homophobia. Also pretty long and I'm on mobile so I cant put a read more thing on it.

Ok so this is kind of a personal post so if you don't wanna hear about some of my personal drama, just scroll along. But I feel like I need to get this shit on record somewhere since I don't have the screenshots of the texts this is concerning anymore.

So a little over a year ago, I told the person who'd been my best friend, we'll call her E, since I was about 9 that I didnt want to be friends with her anymore. More on that later.

Back in senior year of high school I started thinking I might be Bi. I brought this up to E and she was super dismissive right off that bat. Saying that I wasnt, sounding like she was trying to console me. Like being Bi was this awful thing that I needed to worry about.

Well fast forward about a year and a half and I went up to my college with her so I could do new student orientation since I was starting the next semester. This is when the fact that I was Bi sort of smacked me in the face because the girl doing my orientation was super hot. I immediately knew I wouldnt be telling E that.

Fast forward to march of 2017. Its spring break. I've reconnected with my high school friends. I've never felt the need to hide my sexuality from them and they were instantly nothing but supportive of me. We never really hung out outside of school back in high school (or in elementary school either in Eric's case.) I start realizing that I've been having more fun with them then I ever did with E. And I finally had people to geek out about sciencey stuff with because E doesnt believe in science but eric LOVES science. It was nice.

Well a couple weeks after spring break me and Es mutual friend Althea asked me to drive her to the shelter so she could get her boyfriends cat fixed (it's way cheaper there then at the vet) and spent the day hanging out with her because she WAS planning to walk back there to pick up the cat afterwards and I was like "uh no. I'm not gonna make you walk across town by yourself." So I finally got to meet her boyfriend. Well that afternoon E came and picked me up to go up to the KU campus to get some more bus passes to go to our college in KC because our school was out of bus passes and didnt know when theyd get more.

Here's when I kinda started to realize I should maybe get out of this friendship. On the way to campus E starts telling me about her day at school and how "theres a girl that used to be a guy in one of my teachers other classes. It's making me uncomfortable."

Me: "that sounds like a you problem, E."

Now I knew she kind of thought that way already. She may not have said shit like that around our other friends but I had to hear it a lot. But because I'm pretty nonconfrontational and she was my only close friend outside of school and I was terrified of being alone, I usually just ignored it or politely debated her about it but generally just agreed to disagree. This was the first time I ever decided to speak up to her about it. Unfortunately I couldnt say much cuz her mom was the one driving us and i knew she agreed with everything E said.

But I'd been hanging out with althea and her boyfriend (who just so happened to be trans) all morning so suddenly having to hear E talk about how uncomfortable trans people make her got me more fired up than usual.

After this I slowly started distancing myself from her. I'd been hoping for a few years that she'd grow up and accept that not everyone is like her and try to be more open minded and accepting of people. Apparently that wasnt happening.

I stopped responding to her texts as often. I was trying to think of a way to talk to her about it but all my past friendships that fell apart, did so naturally and on a silent mutual agreement. So I was half hoping that would happen. Pretty stupid. Dont recommend. Just be straight with people.

After a few months of me only answering her texts every once in a while, she decided to start calling me multiple times a week. Often while I was at work. Sometimes from her mom and sisters phones when I wouldnt answer from her number. Idk y she thought that would work. She knows I hate talking on the phone.

I still didnt know what to say to her. I probably should've just told her I needed some space and she might've backed off for awhile so I could figure it out. But subway stressed me tf out. And i have no idea how you're supposed to end a relationship with your best friend of over 10 years.

(Also some of my other reasons for not wanting to be friends with her were specifically because of althea and I didnt want althea to get dragged into it. Unfortunately it ended up happening anyways. But basically back in highschool, if we were planning for all four of us (me, e, althea, and nikki) to get together, and nikki would have something come up, E would tell althea our get together was cancelled but would still have me come over and then made me promise not to say anything to althea about it.)

Around march or april of last year I blocked her family's numbers. This is when they started showing up at my work. The first time it happened I had a long ass line and was helping my coworker get through it before I left. Her sister came in by herself and just asked how I was doing but left pretty quick after she got her sandwich since it was busy. A couple more times they came and just parked outside like they were waiting for me to get off my shift but ended up leaving. The last time it happened E came in while I was there alone and I really didnt wanna have THAT conversation while i was at work alone and her crazy overprotective mom was out in the car waiting for her. So i made her sandwich very quickly so i could get her out as fast as I could.

I was planning on finally talking to her around the end of april but was still having trouble figuring out what to say.

Unfortunately any plan I had to let her down easy was sort of thrown out the window on may 13th of last year.

My mom texted me that morning about how she got a weird call from Es aunt. On her work phone. This is basically how that call went:

"IS THIS OLIVIAS MOM?????"

My mom, suddenly worried it's my work and something happened to me, "Yes?"

"Why isnt olivia talking to E anymore?"

"............I dont know."

So that kind of crossed a line for me. It really freaked my mom out.

I'm bad at articulating my thoughts when I'm mad or stressed out tho. So my friend Alice ended up writing out the text for me and I read through it to make sure it was ok.

Basically it said "I'm sorry but I dont think we can be friends anymore. The way you talk about the LGBT+ community makes me extremely uncomfortable, especially seeing as I am bisexual and have several friends in the community. The way you used to exclude althea from hanging out with us because you think shes annoying and then expect me to lie to her about it makes me uncomfortable. It was inappropriate to show up at my work unannounced to corner me into talking to you when I needed space. And it was even more inappropriate for your relatives to call my mom at work. I'm sorry I didnt say something sooner but I'm tired of pretending I'm ok with everything you've said over the years."

Then her mom texts me. I dont remember all of it but the gist was "you're a horrible person. E never judged you or anyone else (sure, miss "gay people are gross. I can see how conversion therapy might work." Totally isnt judging anyone and 100% cares about the lgbt+ community.) The only reason she did those things is because she was worried about you."

Then E left me a voicemail that I couldnt understand at all cuz she was crying and I felt terrible even tho everyone was telling me I shouldn't. Now I probably should've taken out the part about althea because it effectively threw my "not wanting to get althea involved" plan out the window. Honestly what really pissed me off about this next part both made me pissed at E but also at myself. E removed herself from the group chat I had with her, nikki, and althea. Blocked althea on Facebook and blocked her number. Didnt bother to explain why. I still feel terrible about this even tho althea has told me many times that it's fine and if she'd had to pick a side she wouldve picked mine. But I still felt like she at least deserved an explanation.

Alice told me to screenshot the texts. I almost didn't cuz I just wanted to forget about all this. But I did.

Anyways life moved on. Eric got a new phone and gave me his beat up galaxy s7. I stuck my s6 into a drawer and let it die and forgot about it.

Then on new years I got a call from althea. Not weird at all. She calls me every major holiday and birthday. Shes done this every year since junior year of high school.

Normal phone call at first. But then she says that her mom has been talking to E's mom. Apparently E's mom told altheas mom that I told E that althea hates her and thinks shes a terrible person and that's why E hasnt been talking to althea. Althea of course didnt believe that but wanted me know about it. This prompted me to try and charge up my old phone and get the screenshots off of it. I had it plugged in for a couple of days and it never turned back on. So that's out apparently.

That's also why I felt the need to get all of this written down. It may not be as great as having the actual screenshots but I'm bad at articulating my thoughts when confronted so I want to have something written down in case any of this comes up again.

#cw: transphobia #cw: homophobia #i needed to get this out while i could actually put it into words #this is the first time in a while that i actually can #personal #homophobia #transphobia #i never post stuff like this so hopefully im tagging it right

1 note · View note

loststormtrooper · 5 years

Text

Ive been slowly reading the Splinter Cell books and im almost finished the third one and I have complaints

Spoiler warning I guess for books that are over 10 years old if anyone cares about them.

So the first book was great. They got one of the bond writers to do it and it was so good. Splinter Cells identities have been leaked and Sam Fishers life is at stake throughout the whole thing because for the first time ever, the enemy know who he is. His chapters are in first person which makes everything feel so much more personal. All the other chapters following other characters are in third which gives this nice cutscene kind of feeling that games have when they show something your character wouldnt know. Its a book series based on a game, it just felt right. Sam's daughter gets kidnapped because The Shop (big bad weappns company) wants to stop Third Echelon from getting in the way of their sales and Sam is the one who is trying to stop them and stop them from doing deals with The Shadows which are trying to get the US out of the middle east so their country can take over another. Fisher ends up disrupting these deals and saves his daughter. But like, how it goes is so well. Sams daughter gets invited overseas with her friend and they both ger drugged and kidnapped by someone they thought was their friend! The stakes are high af because they killed off the friend and are going to kill Sams daughter and him if he cant stop all this stuff from happening. And theres the whole war nuclear weapon deals going on that he also has to stop. So good.

Anna Grimsdotir isnt present in this book because they need wiggle room for the next book and shes replaced with Carly who is also an analyst. Theres this nice tight nit friendship between Sams team at Third Echelon with Lambert, Carly, Sam, and and Mike that sets things up for the next book. Also Sams Grav Maga teacher, they flirt a bit, nice side story which leads into the next book. Pretty much everything leads into the next book because even though Sam defeated The Shadows, The Shop is still a major weapons dealer and have the identities of other Splinter Cells and needs to be stopped.

So next book, Operation Barracuda. Sam and his team need to find out who leaked the Splinter Cells information and stop The Shop. Uh oh! It was Mike and he had to kill Carly IN THE THIRD ECHELON OFFICE because she was about to figure out it was him and he escapes and the Triad offer to get him out of the country, he just has to get to the right place and theyll fly him out. Good setup for these cat and mouse chapters where and FBI agent is trying to keep up with Mike. Also Mike was actually planted in Third Echelon years ago and he and his brother have deals with the Triad to sell stuff which The Shop does t like because theure supposed to sell things to them and then they sell to the Triad.

All of these bad guys have one goal though. Theyre dealing with a rogue chinese general that wants to invade Hong Kong. So theres all this infighting and build up to when people, even the bad guys, start to figure more stuff about the other groups. The Triad, being in Hong Kong, dont want to be invaded, but the deals theyve done with bad guy general have provided him with a nuckear submarine that he threatens to detonate on the US coast unless they withdraw from Taiwan.

During all of this that krav maga teacher and Sam have had a few dates and are at Sams place. But when they are walking down the street she is gunned down and Sam is forced to leave her dead body on the street with people around because he cant risk being having anyone looking into who he is, even local police and government because he is in a secret agency. Amazing side story. It's a lot like the side stuff with his daughter in the first book, it gives him more motive outside of it just being a job, these people have killed 2 of his friends, one of which he was really into.

Back to bad guy stuff. FBI guy gets killed by Mikes brother after he goes into a shady place to arrest him. The triad are already there and hes just dead now. But he did arrest Mike so they got info from him which leads same to the Triad. In a pretty cool turn of events the general invades but theres no one to stop him! Oh wait! The Triad takes arms and fights off his army and its rad. Sam had gone into that shady building (just remembered its a night club) and gave them information about the generals attack and then left. It was a different chapter because he wasnt being stealthy, he just walked in and demanded to speak to people and it worked. When all this general vs Triad stuff is happening, Sam is dealing with The Shop. The general is defeated, the leak for the Splinter Cell information is in custody, and The Shop is finally shut down!

Next book... set before the first and has a new writer. All of it is in third person and it doesnt feel like the first for obvious reasons. Theres a handful of spelling errors spread throughout which really take you out of it because now youre thinking about this spelling error.

Starts with Sam having to sneak onto a ship thats going to crash onto the US coast and its packed with radioactive material or bombs? It wasnt clear to me. But he stops it and gets out. Its a pretty one track story whereas the other two books had a handful of stuff going on and it all worked neatly. Third Echelon need to know where the nuclear stuff came from to know who did it. He sneaks back on the ship which is under quarantine and takes a sample or something? There was something about having to get engine manufactuing codes to find out where the ship had done repairs and see where it came from but that branching plot just ends later in the book when Lambert says that his analysts found out where it was from. Sam need to find out where nuclear stuff came from. For reasons i cant remember because nothing in this book is worth remembering half the time, Sam has to go to Chernobyl to collect radiated material to see if they match. Thats not the unmemorable part, how they decided to go there to find it specifically is. Anyway, its a match and they figure out who did it and why by knowing who made the ship and how they got the nuclear material. The whole Chernobyl bit could have been better. It didnt feel like anything was at stake. And there was this awkward side story with a woman who helped him get into the dangerous areas unnoticed where theyd flirt and nothing would come of it and then theres nothing else about her ever again.

Then theres all this stuff of Sam infiltrating other places which leads him to another place which leads him to another place. Its very linear and theres a few chapters where he sneaks into a private island thats impossible to sneak onto but he does and it doesnt feel like anything is at stake. The whole book is about having to find out who did this one almost bombing and poisoned a whole towns water supply with radiated material, making it a wasteland, before the US declares war on the wrong nation for ot. But every time they get more information, they suddenly have more time and need to hurry, but then they do that and get more time but need to hurry! At one point they mention the president will declare war in 24 hours and im pretty sure its been like 4 days since then and nothing.

Also! Theres this terrible character cliche guy i hate. There's like 5 chapters spread out through the book where its this weird guy who is clearly the villain ( not bad guy or terrorist, hes just a bad villain) that talks all fancy and as if hes got this grand plan happening and keeps talking about chess and imagining chess moves after he gets new information. Its annoying and i hate him. Get a new character. It doesnt even have to be him, use one of the heads of the bad guy groups that are already established, god. I've got 6 chapters to go and Sam doesnt even know about that chess bad guy yet.

Tbh im considering skipping the next book because its the same writer and the Conviction books and Blacklist book are written by other people. It hasnt been release who i dont think though. Its all a pseudonym.

So i just finished Splinter Cell Checkmate. Its 2 days after i wrote that whole thing and it gets way better in the last 5 chapters. It was much more fast paced and actiony. The rest of the book was slow and not that interesting. There was a bit that brought back a character from earlier who was shot in the head but the bullet hit ar a weird angle and he was left to die. Sam found him and theres this nice calm part of the chapter of Sam trying to get him out without making his wound worse but he wasnt fast enough and he dies. Then Sam finally gets the location of the annoying chess bad guy with some information from now dead guy. It literally ended with Sam saying "...checkmate " to him which fealt really forced... they never met until now and Sam onlt mentioned chess once in the whole book besides that. I think he played it with a friend for a paragraph while they chatted. Epilogue was ok too. The woman who helped him into Chernobyl was in a wax museume and Sam rocks up with a passport for her to get out and fly back to the US with him. Was weird. They flirted maybe twice halfway through the book and then he rocks up with that. She didnt even know his name until the epilogue because he used an alias.

Anyway, first two books are great, third was super slow but ended ok.

#splinter cell #sam fisher #operation barracuda #checkmate

13 notes · View notes

tumblunni · 5 years

Text

I had a really weird dream involving Dr Maddiman. Its a shame i can barely remember any of it and also it seems i woke up before it ended? Like i just had this overwhelming sense that allll the plot threads were gonna be wrapped up any second now and then BOOM awake. So just a whole bunch of random stuff happened with no real explanation at all.

It was some sort of post apocolyptic setting i think? Humanity was in these small isolated cities fighting against some sort of invading army but we never actually saw the aliens themselves. And some part of my brain was like "it makes sense its the same rules as a hairdresser and the design takes cues from a pack of AAA batteries". I have NO idea what that means! So basically everythibg was super vague and undescribed and dream-me just had a sense of already being a long time fan of this series and knowing enough to fill in the gaps. Apparantoy this was some sort of adaptation of a thing id already seen, but id been told the ending was different and more accurate to the manga? Also i wasnt actually a person watching this show i was still the protagonist of the show yet i acted like i'd been reincarnated and relived this week a million times or something

ANYWAY the way dr maddiman comes in is that he was some sort of 'brilliant but dangerous' expert the government had hired to help our fight against the aliens. It wasnt really explained why he was.. yknow.. maddiman. Like is this meant to be that ghosts also exist in this sci fi universe? Was he a half alien hybrid instead of a yokai? Was it just human maddiman with the personality of yokai maddiman due to ptsd...? In any case he didnt seem entirely tethered to the laws of reality and nobody knew exactly how he pulled off all his scientific miracles. He was treated as the only guy who could understand the mindset of the aliens, but that also made him dangerous because he trapped in the delusion of everything being okay and fun and happy and he often did evil things by accident while having good intentions. But they didnt have anyone else who'd cracked the code of the alien weaponry so they had to put up with him. He was just sorta assigned a crack team of secret agents whose job was Be The Old Man's Friend So We Dont All Die. Dont let him realise how the world is all destroyed and such, just play along with his goofyness and try and remind him to do his important work while dancing around why its important. it was super creepy how he was locked up and gaslighted like this!! And he was all 'oh im sure when im done with my ultimate experiment i can go home to my wife and kids' and yeah it was implied here that the same backstory applied :( 'distract the old man and validate his false opinion that his family is still alive and waiting for him' :( poor sci fi madds :(

Oh also for some reason he seemed to be wearing elements of Adventure era Dr Eggman's outfit? But just the general style of the coat and the wearing goggles that he never actually uses. And he had a very warm and cuddly autumnal colourscheme

Anyway i was part of the Super Secret Grampa Cherishing Division whose job was to act as his assistant but also secretly be packing a bazillion weapons to neutralize him if he poses a danger to humanity. But i started to genuinely care for the guy and question the 'any atrocity is permitted for the sake of saving the world' philosophy of my bosses. Also it was just very weird how it was this post apocolypse alien fighting action thing yet i didnt see ANY OF IT cos this story was confined to this one laboratory. It was surreal hearing about all this stuff happening offscreen!

I think Maddiman's main project was some sort of dimensional transport thing using salvaged alien tech? It was just a door in his lab that usually led to a closet but if he got it working itd teleport us straight to the alien base and save the world. And a lot of it wasnt explained but i got this great sense that itd all come together with a great twist ending evebtually but then i woke up before i got that far. Same for the reveal of this maddiman's new sci fi backstory and soooo many other dropped plot threads. Alas!

So anyway: closet. Closet with one of those bead curtain things cos i was thinking about them when i fell asleep. It was supposed to be a teleport but when it malfunctioned it had really scary negative effects warping people's biology and stuff. I remember one of the test subjects was sent in for a five day trip to a specific alternate dimension but then when they came back itd been several years and theyd had to survive in a deadly wasteland and been mutated into a hellbeast. And maddiman had a huge breakdown because he felt like his recklessness and optimism towards this experiment had caused this mistake to happen, and he'd never realized just how awful the consequences could be. He was babbling motor mouth discussing theories for where it went wrong and there was something like 'we'd only tested it for one day trips and assumed that just programming two of them would equal two days but actually with each additional number on the screen it multiplies the days by 3" And there was something about like...the bead curtain was the machine rather than the door itself? Like trying it on a bunch of different doors around the lab to try and find a way to cure this person.

And there was some sort of artificial intelligence computer with the personality of an adorable lil girl, who helped maddiman do calculations and stuff. She missed the mistake in this calculation cos her concept of linear time and the limits of human organs was kinda undeveloped. She only existed within the realm of numbers after all, and didbt even have functionality to record footage of her human friends's faces. No idea wtf a human looks like! So maddiman was lost in his desperate grief of potentially accidebtally killing or at least mentally scarring a person and the government would probably kill them now if they saw they were a super mutant. And he was sobbing and begging this AI to help, his last resort was her maybe being able to see a brainwave that he'd missed. But she was freaking out cos she didnt even fully understand why maddiman was crying let alone what to do to fix it. Eventually she did manage to find a solution theough some simple different logic thing that she had from her perspective as a computer. And that person was saved but still traumatized and maddiman had a moment of realizing just how high stakes everything was and freaking out. He was like 'whats wrong with my head, why didnt i notice that, why was i so reckless, why cant i seem to grasp basic human logic that i need right now" Having a big existential crisis of 'wait how did i even get in this lab, where's my family and why do i seem to have superpowers'. Protagonist mission: hide all the goddamn mirrors to avoid this weird ghostgramp (...aliengramp??) from realizing he's dead (..or an alien??) and losing control of himself. And everyone was running around talking about 'containment procedures' and poor maddiman didnt know that if his panic attack continued he might just straight up be killed for outliving his usefulness. So the protagonist was desperate to help him calm down and it sucked SO MUCH cos they had to lie about his past and weave the web of deception around him again for his own safety. In the end they just hugged him close until he calmed down, and all the other employees were like GASP THEY ACTUALLY TOUCHED THE EVIL DANGEROUS SUPER EVIL MAN and protag was like 'i am 1% away from slapping the next bitch who insults this grandpa'. And it was super depressing cos once he'd calmed down he seemed to start forgetting that anything bad had ever happened?? And he was really panicking and scared cos he didnt understand why he was forgetting, and he knew he had to cling onto something important but he didnt know what. And then five minutes later he was back to haha cheerful nothing is wrong and i love doing my fun science in this room im never allowed to leave. And protagonist was crying the tears that this poor gramp wasnt allowed to cry :(

Also actually i think maybe he was a ghost AND an alien? Like he was a scientist who died in some sort of tragedy back when the aliens first invaded, but along the way he'd been infected so his body got back up as a twisted combination of human and inhuman. And this was something unique to him, like he just happened to have a genetic mutation in his blood that was totally undetectable in life but happened to mix unpredictably with this alien virus to turn him into a hybrid instead of just killing him. So the government was very interested in finding a way to replicate this and create new supersoldiers, as well as just taking advantage of this dude's confused mental state that granted him a unique understanding of alien tech that made him more effective than other scientists. And, of course, also made him easy to manipulate :(

And i also had a feeling that maybe his backstory was mixed up with Adventure dr eggman? Like here it seemed he had a daughter instead of a son, and she had a similar death to Maria Robotnik where she was assasinated by the government he worked for, and it tipped him over the edge. I think Maddiman-alien-scifi-dude originally died trying to save her from being used in some sort of experiment? Like she was already dying of a disease and thats why maddiman took this job to have access to powerful government technology to try and look for a cure. But when the whole alien apocolypse happened, the evil government decided to use her for experiments cos she was 'basically dead anyway'. Theyd just lie and tell maddiman she died of her illness. So this was how they found out that this particular family's bloodline had a mutation that let them form a viable hybrid with alien dna. They were turning this poor kid into a monster in the basement while lying to her dad about her being dead! And maddiman was about to commit suicide from having no reason to live anymore, with the hell of this apocolypse world and the false impression that his kid was already dead. But somehow monster-daughter sensed this or something and broke out of containment to try and save him, and when he saw her he was able to recognise her even in her twisted state. So when the soldiers gunned her down in front of him and fed him some lies about this not being his daughter, he just completely snapped. He tried in vain to fight back and take down as many of them as possible in revenge, but well he was just a simple round dad with no ability to fight a government. So he was unceremoniously executed along with his kid and they shoved the bodies back in the lab to continue testing. "Damn that overemotional science dad, he made us execute our most valable test subject! But at least this way we can analyze his corpse to see if the mutation is passed down on the patrilineal side." But at some point during the fight, monster-daughter's blood had splashed on her dad and gotten into his bloodstream. So the seemingly dead body suddenly got up out of the morgue and started sucking people's blood or something. And this led to the current situation where they have him locked up cos he's a valuable test subject but also hey he has 100% reason to kill all of us and we're screwed if he remembers his past. Also i think the computer AI thing was his subconcious attempt to recreate the personality of his daughter even if he couldnt remember she'd ever existed :(

Anyway at some point things escalated and there was this final showdown versus both the invading aliens and the evil governmebt guys. I think there was some corrupt greedy politician dude who stole maddiman's teleporter tech and sold us out to the aliens cos he wanted money and power or something. And probably predictably the aliens just threw him off a bridge after he gave them the thing, because seriously even this evil army thinks these government dudes are too evil!

So this big actiony event was happening and Maddiman was freaking out like 'no no no i cant leave the lab everyone wpuld be mad at me, i dont even know what its like outside this room' even when he was in the middle of being attacked by aliens. He was forced to face his repressed memories to survive, and he naturally had a massive fuckin freakout! And i think maybe when protagonist character was trying to protect him he accidentally lashed out with his powers and hurt them, and he was so horrified thinking another person he cared about was gonna die because of him. Protagonist was like 'dont worry gramps its just a scratch' but he'd already freaked out and run away into the battlefield to his heavily implied death.

BUT THEN at some sort of moment of dire need, he came back all powered up and re-memoried and was like 'i have every reason to despise humanity but im not gonna let more children die because of these damn corporate monsters (and also literal monsters which are infinately less scary)" And he did some sort of great sacrifice to save the protagonist at the cost of his own life, and it was super dramatic falling from a building into a lake of fire or something. While sobbing and smiling peacefully thinkibg "did i atone for my sins? Will i be able to see my family again?" As his smiling face sunk beneath the flames and the protagonist cried out into the abyss...

Aaaaand then i dont really know what happened in the big battle and i also never found out wtf the solution was to fixing the transporter thing or how the aliens invaded or any of the million plot points that were non gramp related.

I just remember that when we all saved the day and defeated the baddies we found that maddiman had actually survived and it was a big hugs reunion. He was like "OH YEAH i totally forgot i literally already died once and regenerated from it, and this was the entire start to my story. My bad!" *shrugs inexplicably not dead arms*

So yeah in summary im glad my brain summoned up a universe where my favourite sad granddad is literally immortal now, but also why did it torment him with an even sadder plot than his original one

#weird dream tag #the sequence with trying the teleporter curtain on different doors actually took up the majority of the dream #it was ridiculously long and i wish i could slap my brain and be like 'geez save some time for explaining gramp backstory more!'

2 notes · View notes

jackandmarksavedme88 · 5 years

Text

Dark Lemonade

@ashphoenix06 @honestlyitsjustkennaswriting @emma-wrote @goldenoceanarps @weirdmixofweirdness

TW: Some violence, also gets a liiiiittle dirty(but the super nsfw parts have been cut out for tumblr sake 😂😂)

Mark.....are we ever going to stop driving?"

"Well. You said isolated. His place is as isolated as i could think of"

Alison studied Mark as he drove, glancing behind them where Amy was driving Alison's car every so often

"And youre sure Dark isnt going to be too...put out?"

Mark chuckled 'That asshole is always put out. Part of his charm you could say"

As he drove he thought of the conversation hed had with the ego the week before

******

"Why here Mark? Why does she need to stay here? I dont even know her"

Mark looked at Darkiplier as his aura slightly crackled around him

"I told you. Her ex has been stalking her, she needs somewhere to stay while her dad is off the ranch. She doesnt need to be alone on that huge place. Amy and i are going out of town. Now get over it. Shes staying"

"So get the police to babysit her. Why should *I* have to" the ego scowled, clearly not giving a shit what would happen to this girl

"Look Dark im not having anything happen to her because you want to be a pretentious ass. Its not like you use all of the five rooms here."

"You and Amy talk as if shes your child. Shes a grown woman"

"Yes. And her ex is an even bigger grown man that is unhinged and wants to do very bad things to her. Shes staying here."

Darkiier glared as his creator, his aura lashing tendrils out every so often as his temper rose. But he knew there was no arguing.

"Fine. But she better stay out of my way"

*********

Mark pulled to a stop in front of the big house in the woods. Alison gaped at the sight of the beautifully crafted home and the big lake behind it

"Holy. Shit.'

Mark laughed out loud "yeah. Good taste huh?"

Alison climbed out of the car and stretched her arms out, her shirt falling off her shoulder a bit, revealing a faded scar. She grabbed what she had in Mark's car and joined him and Amy to walked up the front steps and inside

"Hello?"

"Well come in, dont just stand there" Dark said.

He watched Mark and Amy come in as he walked down the stairs and stopped as Alison stepped through the door

He took her in. Reddish brown hair, green eyes, short, not skinny but not what hed call fat. She looked around nervously and then locked eyes with her host for the next couple of weeks.

"Um...hi. Im Alison Calaway" she reached out a hand to shake his as he reached the bottom of the steps. "Its nice to meet you Dark...thank you for letting me be here"

Dark took her hand and felt almost a buzz, aside from his own aura, go through him

"Yes. Mark has told me about you. Glad i could...assist"

Amy looked at her watch "oh. We gotta go if we are going to get to bed and get on the road in the morning.... Alison are you sure youre ok?" She wasnt too sure about leaving her here with HIM all that time

"Amy Ill be fine. Yall go"

She hugged and kissed both Mark and Amy on the cheeks and watched as they climbed in Marks car and drove away.

"So...are you hungry?" Alison jumped as Dark spoke closer to her ear than she thought hed be

"Oh. Um. No. Actually. Im good. I could go for some hot tea though.

"Ah. Perfect. Come with me to the kitchen"

The ego led the way as she tried to figure out this vibe she was getting. Like he reallllly didnt want her there, but was also curious about her.... He was pretty easy on the eyes though so she figured she'd survive

She sat down at the bar as he boiled the water

"So. When you said Mark talked about me....how much did he tell you?" Alison inquired, not sure what to say

"He told me of the ex-boyfriend and why you needed somewhere to stay..... May i ask how it got to that point? If thats not too forward?"

He turned to see her absentmindedly running her fingers over a scar along her collar bone

"Well.. I was with him two years. He didnt like me having friends other than him. Didnt like when i went on the road with my Dad's company and wrestled house shows.."

Darkiplier looked at her "wait...wrestling ?"

Alison ducked her head and laughed

"heh...yeah.... Long story. Dad is practically royalty in the business and i did it for a while. ..but Shane didnt like that. Mostly because i hung out with the guys and trained with them.... So for the sake of the relationship i stayed home. Then he got to where he hated me talking to Mark, Jack...Anyone really. Long story short he attacked me a few times....the last time he almost killed me..... Chase and Jackie saved my life. They had been on the way over to get me and heard me scream. Broke in..... I had to get a lot of stitches that night. And he didnt like being told no. He took off while they were helping me. Cops have been looking for him, hes been sending me letters, showing up at places where im at. But he always takes off when i see him..... Hes gotten bolder and my parents and Mark and everyone didnt want me left alone. So here i am"

Dark studied her for a moment. He could read that she had strength. But she was broken. He couldn't understand why but he felt a tug of protectiveness in his chest at the thought of that asshole trying to track her here... At least those idiotic Septic Egos had done something right. Though letting him get away was pathetic

"Well. Dont worry. If he tries to darken my doorstep, he will surely get more than he bargined for i can assure you"

He brought two mugs over and poured the water over the tea bags. They sat and talked for hours like theyd known each other forever

****************

The next night Alison laid in her bed. It was about 12 am. Shed walked by the lake all morning, theyd gone into town and grabbed lunch and when they came home she had talked with Dark about different interests most of the night. She felt oddly at home here. Suddenly her phone rings

"Now who the hell would be calling me?.."

She hit the answer button, not recognizing the number

"Hello?"

"Aliiisoon.... Now why would you go walking around with some goth reject looking...thing where everyone could see?"

She sat bolt upright in bed, all blood draining from her face... Shane

"What the hell....how did you...?"

"Now now alleycat dont worry about how. You know you're mine. Ill always find you. Now answer me"

"Theres nothing to fucking answer Shane. Leave me alone." She scrambled out of bed and down the stairs, checking the locks.

"Ohhh alison. You cant actually think im going to leave you alone. I marked you. Youre mine... Nice house youre in though. Lots of property

She stood in the glow of the moon through the front window, shaking "shane. What do you want. Why are you doing this?"

"Because. I want whats mine"

"Im not yours! I never will be, leave me al-"

The phone was snatched from her hand. Darks aura crackling and whipping around them both, scaring her and amazing her at the same time.

"Look. Either turn yourself in or go die. Your choice..... In fact i will gladly help with one of those options. But you will leave her be Shane"

And with that he threw the phone down and crushed it

She turned and stared at him, in awe of the power oozing from him, shaking from adrenaline.

The aura calmed some as he stepped toward her and ran a finger over her collarbone and shoulders. Tracing the scars that were exposed by the sleeveless sleep shirt she wore. He looked in her eyes brimming with tears and had the sudden urge to hug her and an even stronger NEED to protect her...so he pulled her in. She buried her face in his chest and cried. Feeling helpless and grateful at the same time. The tendrils ran over her back as he held the back of her head with one hand and wrapped the other arm around her.

Finally she stepped back. Wiping her face. "Dark....im sorry. You must think im a completely useless creature... Im just so tired of being his prey"

He studied her face for a moment, then spoke, his voice low, commanding attention as he did

"Youre not his prey anymore. And while i think many of those around me are useless....youre different. And damned if i know why.."

Alison looked at him, curious, but not pushing the matter.

"I dont think ill sleep much." She was mad and scared and exhausted. But she knew what her dreams would hold

Dark put his hand on her shoulder "Well. Im just doing some paper work in my office, i could....put a pillow and blankets on the couch in there for you. You could rest while i work...perhaps that way youd feel more at ease"

Alison smiled at him, grateful for his kindness. "Ok. Yeah, maybe....if i wont be bothering you of course"

He chuckled softly "not at all dear. Come"

****

Alison watched him work thru half shut eyes. This was the big bad guy everyone spoke of...to her he didnt seem so bad. Intense for sure but....there was just something about him. The quiet way he held himself, he could walk in any room and demand attention without even trying.

"You know. Its not polite to stare at people while they work ali"

She smiled sleepily "sorry. Just thinking"

The ego cocked an eyebrow. "About?"

"Well.." She sat up from her makeshift bed hed made, one strap falling off her shoulder, exposing more of her skin, Dark suddenly felt tense, but tried to ignore it

"I mean. You're supposed to be.. Horrible. A bad guy....and yet.... I feel as if we are old friends having only known you a few days ... I trust you. Though everyone has said not to.... Im supposed to be scared of you and thats just not the case" she said

He smiled gently "Well. When you're on my good side, thats what you get. But most never see that side, only a lucky few

'And why am i one of the lucky ones? " Alison asked

Dark motioned for her to come to him 'Come here....." She got up and stepped across the room, sitting on the corner of his desk as he stood up.

"If im being honest i have no idea why i feel the way i do around you. You seem to make everything....quiet. Calm. I can think clearly for some reason.... I cant quite figure you out Alison"

He was standing directly in front of her now.

She smiled up at him "heh. Good luck with that"

The blackness grew slightly and played around the edge of her face as he stared directly into her eyes "oh don't worry princess. Ill figure you out. I always get what i want"

Alison threw her head back and laughed "hmm. With me you wont.....but like i said. Have fun with that" she went to stand and he blocked her, moving very close to her. "I rather like the effect you have...stay a moment longer?"

He rested his hand on her knee and closed his eyes. Reveling in the slience that filled him. She didnt know what to say...but staring at him with his head leaned back, hair in his face she couldn't help but feel the calm as well. She reached up and brushed the har from his eyes, fingers trailing his cheek. His hand caught hers and held it to his face as he leaned into it.

Alisons heart sped up. Dark could hear it as her cheeks flushed an adorable red. He looked at her intently suddenly not in control of his actions he put his hand to her face and pulled her to him, softly bringing their lips together

She was suprised by his actions. But more suprised at the fact that she trusted him. She leaned into the kiss, grabbed the front of his jacket .

They both were startled by the crash in the front hall. Alison jumped off the desk and took off out the door before he could stop her. Dark shook his head

"That stupid girl...."

But then he heard her yelp.... His aura crackled to life as he rushed out to the front door which was wide open. The window next to it was smashed. Alison was nowhere to be seen

"Ali?? Where the hell are you?" He shouted angrily.

He heard scuffling outside. Curses came flying out of alisons mouth. The Egos eyes darkened as he ran outside and saw her on the ground under her attacker, fighting like a wildcat. He stomped down the steps and across the grass quickly, grabbing him by the back of the neck and neatly tossing him into the side of her car.

He helped Alison up and studied her quickly. Busted lip, scratches on her arms... His anger boiled over and the dark aura he carried around seemed to grow even blacker. In short. He was pissed.

"You stupid asshole. You think you can have her?" The voice came from behind him. Dark turned and stared down Shane.

"You cant. Shes mine and she will always be mine. I dont care what you or any of your other ego friends have to say. Spandex boy and Brody couldn't stop me...what makes you think...

He trailed off as he became accutely aware of the silence that enveloped him. The anger rolling off the Ego in the form of his aura suddenly making him regret coming here

Dark spun on him, grabbing his neck and shoving him against the car. His voice came out as more of a growl

"You listen to me you insignificant toad. I dont know who the HELL you think you are, or what you *think* youre going to accomplish. But taking "ownership" of Alison Calaway isnt it. People say im a bad person. Theyve never seen me be protective of someone, so trust me when i tell you the truth can be SO much worse than youve heard. I will give you a choice. You may turn around and walk out of here, never contacting or even THINKING of that woman again. Or...

He tightened his grip on Shanes throat cutting off his air as the mans bladder let go

"Or my dear boy. I can show you what demonic really means.... Its your choice"

Shane struggled to speak 'o-okay' he whispered

"What's that? I cant hear you" Dark said. Enjoying the terror in the mans eyes

"Okay! Ill go. Ill go. Just please...dont kill me"

Dark dropped him to the ground, the black aura rolling around him, trying to contain himself. Shane scrambled to get to his car

"Ah ah" Dark said. The choice was to WALK away"

He held the keys hes taken from Shanes pocket up, jingling them and smiled evily.

"Th-thats at least ten miles through the woods! Are you insane??"

Darks eyes narrowed "guess you better get started....and hope the wolves arent especially hungry tonight.. Leave"

His aura shot out, eyes flaring. Shane pissed himself again and took off running into the night

Dark's shoulders heaved up and down as he tried to control his breathing, his body shaking with the anger. Trying to keep himself from chasing the man down and ripping his head from his body

Alison approached from behind and touched his shoulder.

"Alison...im sorry you had to see me like that. I can normally control myself...."

She tugged him to turn around and he looked at her. Blood dried on the corner of her mouth, eyes shining with tears. She placed her hand on the side of his face and he noticed her knuckles were busted from fighting back. He leaned into her touch. Her closeness calming the storm raging in his mind...how had it come to this....when had she become his safe place?

Alison tried to control her emotions...she should be terrified right now, especially after that display. But all she wanted was to hold this man. And she didnt understand. She slid one hand behind his neck and pulled his face to hers. Kissing him was less of a want and more of a gnawing need right now. He was suprised but wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back. Savoring the taste of her mouth

Alison pulled back slightly, out of breath and Dark leaned his forehead to hers, closed his eyes and smiled. Neither spoke. After a moment she pulled away completely and tugged on his hand

"Cmon. Let's go inside"

They walked into the house. Not knowing what to say to each other.

A week passed. Neither spoke about that night. Not avoiding each other but avoiding the subject. Which annoyed Darkiplier greatly. When had he become..this? Not confronting something? He longed to reach out and brush the hair from her face, touch her some way. But he got the feeling she didnt want to be touched right now.

'Well why would she you fool. After everything that jackass did, did you think shed just fall in your arms and stay there?' He said aloud to himself as he toiled in his office.

His phone buzzed with a text. He checked it to see a message from Alison. After breaking her phone hed taken her to get a new one with a new number that very few people now had.

A: "Hey... You wanna go get some drinks tonight? Im getting tired of being couped up but i dont exactly want to venture out on my own. I know itd be a bit of a drive but.."

He pondered for a moment. He could easily say no. That there was liquor here...but he knew it wasnt about the drinks for Alison. He could tell she was itching to get out. To move somewhere other than the house or the lake. She was becoming a bit like a caged tiger.

D: "Sure. Why not" ..... He had a feeling he might regret this.

****************

Darkiplier stood at the bottom of the stairs, ready to leave. He sighed. What was taking her?

'Ali. Are you coming or-"

The words are lost in his throat as she starts down the steps. Auburn hair gleaming, wearing a black and red dress that fit in all the right places and short heels.

She caught his eyes as she stepoed onto the floor and laughed "yeah. Lets go" Alison suddenly felt as if she were a piece of steak in the lions den and she didnt know why.

Dark just opened the front door for her without a word and motioned for her to go first. Trying to regain composure.

At the bar, they drank, Alison danced alone. She moved like a woman possessed. Dark just watched her intently, a feeling in his chest he couldn't quite describe. It had been a couple of hours when a man came up behind her, trying to dance too close and touch too much. Dark tensed as he saw her spin around and shove him away, then he walked over, catching the end of the trashy things he was saying to her

"Alison... Lets go"

Darkiplier didnt need to shout. Or ask her twice. She gratefully nodded her head, realxing now that she didnt feel cornered.

The whole way home she was quiet. Dozing, feeling the effects of the whiskey shed been downing all night.

When they arrived at the house she got out and walked in. She was barely through the door when Dark called to her. He stepped through the door behind her as she turned

He stared for a moment, then reached his hand out to touch her face...she flinched. She didnt mean to...it was just the thought if anyone touching her....of making her feel anything was anxiety inducing...but at the same time she wanted Dark's touch

His hand stopped mid air and his eyes darkened... He was... Sad? But angry at the same time

"I see..." He murmered. Then walked past her to his office and shut the door.

Alison stood there. Tears began to run down her face. "What the hell is happening to me" she whispered. She looked toward the office door. Wanting so badly to chase him. But tired of chasing things at the same time.

******

Darkiplier tried to focus on the computer in front of him. Itd been half an hour and hed gotten nothig done. "What the hell is wrong with you? Youre bitching and moaning after this *girl* you barely know. And for what? The feeling she gives you...pathetic" he spoke to himself condescendingly.

"You know. Speaking to yourself is the first sign of madness"

Alisons voice from the doorway made him jump. Not expecting her to be there.

"Can i come in?"

He studied her for a moment. "Yes. Of course, sit"

She walked into the room. Still in her dress but barefoot now. His breath hitched in his throat as she leaned back into the sofa and curled her legs under her,she sat the drink in her hand on the side table. He laughed. Another whiskey?

"Listen. Dark. Thank you for coming over when you did....that guy was..handsy"

He scoffed "Well. Did you think i was going to let him manhandle you? Though im sure you couldve handled it fine if need be. But i have this godforsaken need to protect you. And i still havent figured it out.."

"Dont protect me.... People that protect me get hurt...." She trailed off, thinking of Henrik stitching the cut in Chase's side after he fought with Shane that night. "Im not worth good people getting hurt"

Dark stood up and walked over to stand in front of her, then crouched so he was eye level. "Look. I told you. I think a lot of people are useless, but you arent one of them. You have this passion in you when you speak about people and things you care for. You want so badly to fight everything and feel nothing....and thats not possible. Trust me. Before you waltzed into this house i wouldnt have believed it. I was an asshole to anyone that looked at me sideways. I didnt need anything or anyone.... And then here are. Making me feel things. No my dear. Worthless is not something that should be used to describe you"

He placed a hand on her leg as he spoke, electricity running between them. She jumped but didnt flinch away this time. She stared into his eyes, taking in what hed said.

He cleared his throat and stood up "i believe this is where i tell you, im sorry if i scared you that night he came here. Im sorry if kissing you was out of line.." He grabbed her hand and pulled her to stand up "but i just couldnt help it..."

She smiled and then stared at the floor as she spoke 'you werent out of line.....unexpected maybe. But i kissed you the second time. So should i apologize for that?'

Darkiplier chuckled and put a finger under her chin, lifting her gaze to his "No my dear. Never apologize for letting me taste you... Though you may need to apologize for depriving me "

With that he captured her mouth with his. Slowly as first, then more forcefully. Her hands tangled in his hair, him holding her against him. She pulled back to breathe and his lips went to her neck. 'Dark..." She said breathlessly

"Mmmm" the sound rumbled in his chest as he caressed her back and softly kissed her skin, savoring each taste. The he looked at her and smiled wickedly "you know. Coming down in that dress... Then dancing the way you did. That wasnt very nice of you. Looking like that....moving like that in public. I very nearly pinned you to the wall then and there" his eyes danced as he spoke. Running his hands down her hips and gripping her right at the lower back to pull her closer

She laughed and smiled back at him "well. Maybe i like to torture you. Make you beg for it"

He chuckled "hmm. Me? Beg? Not on your life princess, you couldnt make me actually beg"

She stepped away from him and put one hand on his chest and grinned "oh. Is that a *challenge* i hear? Go sit in your chair over there"

He cocked an eyebrow in her direction but complied, pulling the chair to the front of the desk and sitting. This should be interesting

She turned of the lights with the switch by the door. Then walked over to his computer which was behind him on the desk. She went to a music site and put a song on. One that Dark recognized from the club. One hed watched her move to, his heartbeat quicked as he remembered the sight.

She strolled around back to where shed sat her glass and downed it. Then walked to just out of his easy reach and began to move to the music. Body swaying to the beat. Eyes closed. A little drunk but in control and knowing what she was doing. The moonlight played along her body.

Darkiplier reached to touch her and she swatted his hand away.

"Oh no. Put your hands away....you cant touch unless you ask...beg for it." She said mischeviously. "Your hands cannot touch me. But i...oh i cant touch you"

She stepped closer, bending down, holding his knees as she did and bringing her body up in a way so that her face, then chest were right in front of his face. She turned and bent between his knees before coming back up slowly, grinding against him, his hands clenching. His aura crackling around them with his need. But he would not break. He couldnt. His pride wouldnt let him.

But then. Alison straddled him. Legs on either side and sat in his lap. Still moving her body to the beat of the music, leaning back as she moved her hips. This was dangerous territory. She wanted him to touch her. But she also wanted to hear him ask. Dark, to his benefit was trying to keep his composure, but the hardness beneath her was giving him away.

The music stopped and she sat. Still straddling him and put her arms over his shoulders. She grinned at him

"You gonna break?"

Dark laughed. This little minx. If she thought for one second that he was going to-

All thought flew from his brain as he felt her lips on his neck. Her hand tangled in the back of his hair. She ran her tongue along it and then along his lips. Kissing him lightly 'cmon baby. You know you want it. All you have to do is say it.... Let go of the control for once"

He reached to hold her and she caught each of his wrists and held them down "ah ah darky. Not until you ask nicely" she purred in his ear and she ground against him again. Torturing herself as much as she was him

'Alison.." It came out as a half moan, half warning.

She stood up and let go of his wrists and grinned. "Well. I guess ill just have to go to bed alone then."

As she turned she unzipped her dress and let it fall as she walked across the room. Darkipliers eyes almost came out of his head at the sight of her in her black bra and panties. Now this was just evil....

He crossed the room behind her and slammed the door before she could get to it. She turned to see him staring at her in a way that made her feel very much like a wounded animal in front of a panther. He rolled his head to either side with his eyes closed and then stared her down again, his arm over her shoulder against the door, trapping her there

"Now Alison. You have given me great needs. Id like it very much if youd stop torturing me like this'

A playful smile played over her face "but its fun to see you squirm darlin" she licked her lips.

He stared at her than went to his knees "Fine. Is this what you what? You want me to admit i need you? Well here. I absolutely need you. In many ways. Right now i need you to let me run my hands over you, to taste you, to caress every inch inside and out that i can reach Miss Calaway"

He again reach for her hips and this time she didnt stop him. His kissed her on either side, tongue lightly darting over her stomach. He stood and backed her into the wall. Now it was his turn. He grabbed her by the back of her head and roughly captured her mouth, one hand gripping her ass. He moved to her neck, nipping her as she moaned and held onto his shoulders, one hand gripping his head.

"You know im going to have to punish you for that little one" he growled in her ear before.lightly biting her shoulder. She gasped at the sensation

"Ye..yes"

"And you do not need to try that all the time....not that i dont enjoy you being a little forceful.... Are we clear?" He moved to the other side of her neck, pushing his waist to hers as he kissed

"Yes"

"Yes what kitten?" He stared into her eyes as he said this. Conveying a need for her trust. Then he kissed her deeply before allowing her to answer

"Ye-yes sir?"

That did it. His groaned and grabbed the back of both of her legs and picked her up, her lega going around his waist and slammed her against the door as he kissed her. His tongue and lips exploring her neck and chest as she closed her eyes and let the passion wash over her

************

Dark stroked her hair as she lay in his arms. They were in his bed. Having made their way up here and finally she fell asleep after one more time. He smiled. She looked innocent but was decidely not.

Her skin was warm against his. Breast pressed against the side of his chest. He studied her sleeping face. Had he really said it... After the last time. Did those words come from his mouth?

He had said he loved her and she had thrown her head back and begged him to say it again. And when he had, louder this time she collapsed into his arms and whispered it back to him.

Where the words came from he didnt know. But they seemed so natural. He kissed her face and heard birds chirping....it was 5am..looks like theyd nap most of the day. But that was perfectly fine.

His phone buzzed on the night stand. He reached with one arm and grabbed it. Seeing a message from Mark

M:hey. Alisons parents are headed back to their place. If you want her go go, she can.

Darkiplier lauged and shot a text back

D:No. I dont think i want her going anywhere. Im going to keep her a little longer ;)

M:......what did you do

D:Now ask yourself. Do you really want the honest answer to that question from me?

M:... No. You know what. Probably not. Ill stop by when we get back to town next week

D:ok. Be sure to call first. Make sure we're decent and all

M: yeah ok.....and please dont allude to that again...ever

Dark laughed and sat his phone back down. Then wrapped around alison and fell into a heavy sleep...the most peaceful hed known in his existence.

6 notes · View notes

crossinggalaxies · 6 years

Note

hey did you see chloes instagram about how sadness was coming and her eyes were insanely swollen? im really nervous that fitzsimmons is gonna die, one of them at least, because who else would leave other than iain who has been filming for something else and it also explains why gemma looks so sad in the poster. im kind of freaking out. do you think theyd do that???

Yikes I knew id end up getting a question like that. So as you are currently one of four in my inbox, and I don’t want to repeat my thoughts here’s everything that is going through my head since I saw her instagram post.

1. Yes i think someone is dying. She said it was sad which carries the connotation, especially how she said it, that it is bad.

2. That type of crying and look on her face screams that it’s a death to me and that it’s of someone close on the cast. You don’t look like that for someone who isn’t a regular. That was very much the look of saying goodbye to someone you’ve been with for a while.

3. Yes i am concerned about FS. For a few reasons other’s have voiced. 1. I don’t believe they’d kill Mac. He had an almost death scare recently, it would be silly to do that again and he really is the only ass kicking super macho man on the show. 2. Yoyo just became a regular. It wouldn’t make sense to kill her off. 3. Coulson is the head of show essentially, it was literally built off of his character presence in the existing Marvel movies. 4. Daisy is really the icon of the show. The main superhero and Chloe is too in love with her job to want to leave. 5. So that leaves FS. Who some people before this were already concerned about because they thought the “I don’t want to live another day without you” line sounded already slightly ominous when said. And I’m scared because while Fitz is an amazing unique character. His skills could be replaced. Same with Jemma.

HOWEVER! And i want to make this perfectly clear, i don’t in my heart think that SMART people would kill either one of FS. Here’s why.

1. Iain was filming for a movie. So don’t even worry about that as it’s over and now in post production.

2. It is literally awful writing. Can you imagine someone after 5 years getting the two of those finally together and engaged after continuously toying with the audience regarding separation. Having Fitz make that huge beautiful speech. Literally having him say that he refused to let anything get in the way for them to kill him off. As a writer I want to be clear that I think that is ABSOLUTE trash writing if that were to happen. An Unbiased awful premise honestly.

3. They are the heart of the show. I really dont care what anyone says there is a HUGE part of this fandom that watches because of these two. Without them I imagine ratings and viewership would do absolutely awful. It’s not a smart business move. Which brings me into my next point.

4. They have put too much stock into it. First off they gave it to Clark Gregg for his directional debut. It was something that they knew was a long time coming. All the cast were so absolutely excited about it. Lil wouldn’t stop liking stuff about Fitzsimmons. Marvel made a video dedicated to the ship and tweeted about it multiple times. They had a panel just for these two because of the fandom support. The ratings ticked up just because of this recent episode. Chloe made comments about how many cute moments were coming and said she wanted to be involved in the wedding. Lil mentioned the wedding. Iain mentioned he didn’t see them ever breaking up. Literally all the cast and the people who support the show both as staff and as financial backers, have mentioned Fitzsimmons in positive light.

5. Iain has been that way since day one. He is shy and not really involved in anything something social media related. Nothing has changed. And because he’s shy and doesn’t really put himself out there into the public eye I can’t imagine he’d want to leave the comfort of a role and a cast he knows so well and start over in whole new position somewhere else. Just doesn’t seem like someone with his personality would opt out to do.

So overal, yes I’m nervous. And as much as I love Daisy and I love Chloe who plays her I will say I really find it a little bit of a bad decision to have put that out there but who knows maybe it will attract viewers or some shit. But overall I can confidently say that at the end of the day I dont think they’d do that and if they did, then they really have become horrible storytellers and quite frankly a little bit wicked in their ways because continuation wise it makes no storytelling sense to do so.

THOUGHTS that anyone else would like to add?

#agents of shield #aos #fitzsimmons #chloe bennet #ask #anon #answered

23 notes · View notes

loveaddiicted · 7 years

Text

@falsepsychiic @powcriisms

Hannah Jane Mckenzie was born on December 25th,1990 to Daniel and Caroline "Carly" Mckenzie. She was the couples second child joining their 2 year old daughter Maggie. Early on in Hannah's life things were great. But when she turned 4 and Maggie was 6 things started to get rough at their house. Daniel lost his job and began to drink heavily, eventually the booze wasnt enough and he started to abuse prescription pills.

Due to the drinking and the drugs he became violent and began to beat Carly frequently. She shielded the children best she could from it. But he would go after them as well after he'd taken care of her. Friends of the family wanted Carly to leave him and take the kids but she kept telling herself everytime that it wouldnt happen again. Hannah was becoming more and more isolated due to the events at home and soon her teachers started noticing her behavior. Also the bruises that seemed to keep reappearing in the same places over and over.

The beating and the fright continued for the next 10 years until one fateful night things all changed. Maggie who was 16 had come home to find her father beating her mother and had enough. She wasnt an overly strong girl but she had a lot of pent up rage causing her to plow right into him both falling to the floor. Carly had purchased a gun a year earlier in case of a break in due to the poor neighborhood in Miami that they lived in. Somehow Daniel had gotten a hold of it and when Maggie and Daniel fell to the floor the gun fell with them landing nearby. Thankfully the gun hadnt fired. But when she saw him going for it Maggie wrestled with her father for the gun. They struggled for 5 minutes before he got a hold on it. He was forcing it downward as if he might shoot her and she was trying to get it away from her. Somehow--accidentally or otherwise the gun was fired.

Carly had been knocked out a few moments earlier when she had attempted to knock him off of Maggie. But came to when the shot went off, She screamed bloody murder when she had looked up and spotted her daughter with a gunshot wound to the chest. She went to help her--to grab the phone but Daniel wasnt having any of that. Instead he grabbed her by the throat and held her against the wall. Meanwhile, 14 year old Hannah had heard a loud noise from the basment where she had been hiding away reading "The Wizard of Oz". She had loved the book since she was a small child because in Oz everyone seemed to have a happy ending even if real life didnt mirror that.

Hannah made her way upstairs and opened the door half-way peering out and seeing her father in one of his rages attacking her mother. She looked around and spotted her sister on the floor. She wasnt moving and was pale as a ghost. She managed to get over there and felt for a pulse having learned from her mother who used to be a paramedic. She didnt feel one and she wasnt breathing--Maggie was dead. Enraged by her sister's brutal shooting in her own living room Hannah had reached her breaking point. She started beating, kicking, smacking her father trying to get him to let her mother go. He wasnt letting up though.

Hannah was determined not to lose her mother too--having already lost the only other person she trusted to the maniac who had helped create them both. She started screaming and went to the door opening it crying out murder as loudly as she could. Daniel snapped hearing her ranting to the entire neighborhood that he'd murdered someone and he let Carly go. She was trying to catch her breath when Daniel made his way to Hannah. Hannah turned around and saw nothing but hate in his eyes. "You son of a bitch" She said as she kicked him in the stomach making him lose his balance. She hadnt been one to use profanity--ever but right now she didnt care. She didnt feel like herself. She made her way to her mother to try to help her up.

But moments later she was face down on the ground being pulled back towards him. No. He wasnt going to win this time. Hannah tried to stop being pulled by grabbing onto a chair but it didnt do any good thanks to his drunkeness and high that seemed to have not worn off. She managed to shake her foot from his grasp long enough to kick him in the face sending him backwards. She crawled for the gun that was next to Maggie's dead body. Hannah then grabbed it right as he was coming towards her. She didnt want to shoot anyone. She just wanted to live;She was too young to die. He tried to wrestle the gun out of her hands but she wasnt about to let it go. Hannah and Daniel struggled for a few moments longer before a shot rang out much like the one that had been fired not long ago killing Maggie. But this time it was Daniel who was shot and he had landed on top of her presumably dead. "Mom! Mom!" she cried out. "Help--Help" She pleaded near hysteria. Carly managed to get over there even though she was battered and broken--and had just lost a child. She pushed the dead father of her children off of her daughter and Hannah dropped the gun on the floor and latched onto her sobbing uncontrollably.

The police arrived thirty minutes later and started to process the scene. After it was determined that Hannah had no choice with the gun and that it was actually in self-defense the case was closed. Maggie was cremated and they spread her ashes out over the ocean because Maggie had always loved the ocean and its many animals. She had always said she someday wanted to work at Sea World with the dolphins and whales. After the funeral Hannah and Carly left Florida behind them feeling too many bad memories would be there to even think of having a life. They moved to Vegas and Carly ended up getting a job as a showgirl leaving her paramedic past behind her finding that it was easier to make a living off her looks than her brains. Hannah was still closed off and became so utterly depressed by her failure to save everyone in her family--meaning Maggie that she picked up a habit for cocaine.

Hannahs habit soon became expensive and she picked up a job during the day to pay for it. Carly was so preoccupied with her job and with the exhaustion that came with it she had no idea what was going on. Hannah's grades began to slip and she slowly but surely became addicted. She couldnt even think clearly anymore. But someone from her school noticed a 15 year old with a habit and called Carly to alert her sending Carly into a panic. She wasnt about to lose her only remaining daughter to drugs. At first Carly tried reasoning with Hannah that it wasnt her fault. She tried to explain things happen for a reason and that her older sister wouldnt want her living like this.

But Hannah wouldnt hear of it and locked herself in her room. She did some cocaine but it turned out to be too much and she ended up overdosing. Carly broke down the door when she didnt hear anything and took her straight to the ER. No more playing games, Carly checked her into rehab. She was going to kick her habit if it took every penny Carly had to her name not that that was a terrible lot. It took Hannah an entire year but by her 16th birthday she had gotten clean. She was still depressed though and Carly didnt know how to deal with it. While Hannah had been gone Carly had started seeing someone and it'd gotten serious. In fact she'd married the guy.

Hannah was now reeling because she returned home to find that she had a new stepfather, a step-sister, and no longer any reminder of her life before. It felt as if her sister had been completely wiped from their lives--the pictures, the home movies all seemed to be gone somewhere. Hannah realized Carly couldnt remember Maggie or she would never be happy. But Hannah did remember and at first she started acting out against her new step-sister and her newfound little family.

She did however bring up her grades. Hannah decided that the best way to honor Maggie would be to make something of herself. So she kept on the straight and narrow--getting Straight A's once again, joining the cheerleading squad. She even started dating a guy which she thought was going well until he turned out to be just as violent as her father had. She ended the relationship with him. But he didnt seem to catch that hint. He began sending disturbing packages, black roses, and other things including notes. He'd park his car in her driveway and honk his horn repeatedly for hours straight till they called the police.Soon it stopped--He just stopped. Hannah had a normal life for a month or two. One night when her step-sister was at her mom's and her mother had gone out with her stepfather for the night..something happened. Hannah had ordered pizza and rented some movies. She was intending on staying in and just vegging out--maybe study for her chem final. She heard a knock at the door and froze in place seeing it was her ex-- her stalker. She tried to close the door on him but he wouldnt let her. He punched her in the face knocking her off balance and sending her backwards.

He chloroformed her and tied her up in the basement taunting her with a sharp knife. Hannah knew whatever had been holding him together had snapped once and for all. She didnt want to die--not then and not that way. She played along with his little games and when she accidentally said the wrong thing he gagged her and the knife fell and made a small cut on her arm. No one knew she was home alone--and no one knew she was in trouble. A Girl from next door came and knocked on the door needing to borrow some milk for her moms coffee because she was too lazy to run out herself. When no one answered she thought it odd knowing theyd never been the type to all go out at once. She peered in through the window and saw blood on the floor.

She ran home and called 911. But didnt wait for the police to arrive before she picked the lock on the door and went inside. "Hannah? Hannah?" She called out. She made her way to the basement and found the guy pratically beating her to a bloody pulp. She managed to knock him over the head with something and he fell to the ground. She untied Hannah and got her upstairs locking the basement door and waiting for the Police. it was from then on that Hannah realized she was going to live her life to fullest because she didnt know when her day would be up. Hannah's life calmed down for a long time before it turned ugly again. She had a great family, and friends, and she'd developed a crush on someone unbeknowst to them. But someone from her father's shady past wanted revenge because of something that happened years ago. He kidnapped Hannah on her way home from school and took her to an abandoned warehouse.

He proceeded to tell her how this was all her father's fault and how she was going to die for his mistakes. Hannah tried to explain that he was dead and that all that killing her would do is cause more problems but he didnt seem to want to hear it. When Hannah didnt come home from school her step-sister got worried. She in turn told her mother and from there it was figured out she was missing. It was hours before the crazy maniac decided whether to do anything one way or the other. Hannah was scared out of her mind. She did not want to die. She hated that it was always her fighting for her life. It seemed unfair.

Eventually Hannah attempted to jump him but he knocked her back down. Everytime she tried something he became more and more agitated until finally he snapped. He shot her in the leg. It seemed like it took forever for the police to find her and when they did she had bled half to death. Hannah was taken to the ER and they stopped the bleeding. But she had to be on crutches for the remainder of her junior year and half of the summer.

#( i don't like this cat. he reads minds ~ ooc )

3 notes · View notes

judool · 5 years

Text

i miss my best friend. i miss her a lot. it’s not that she died or anything, but everything about our friendship crumbled and turned to dust when i moved away. i always felt bad about it. she was the only friend to show up at my old house at 5 am before we left. i dont know how i didnt cry but it broke my heart watching her walk back home from my house as the moving truck drove away. i didnt cry back then, but the memory is making me cry now because it just hurts. i dont know where it went wrong. the first few times icame back to visit my dad was fine. she’d come get me from his house (45 minutes away) and we’d drive back to our neighborhood and have a good time hanging out and talking. and then after that it felt like i was a burden. id text her and try to set something up for next time. it always seemed like something convenient would happen to where we couldnt hang out. where id just be stuck at my dad’s for 3 weeks straight. my other friends dropped me instantly when i moved, like i never really mattered to them in the first place. and maybe i didnt. i always had to butt my way in to conversations and practically invite myself to the things they did. maybe they never really liked me all along and they just tolerated me. but my best friend was always there. she’d been there for me since were we 5.

we were close. people always thought we were sisters. we even bought the same swimsuit on accident one year without telling each other. she was one of the first people i told when i got my period. her parents treated me like i was their second daughter too. i could always walk into their house unannounced and nobody minded. my own mom also treated her like a second daughter. my dad was always an asshole to her though and i will always resent him for it. i was always at her house every weekend. it was my escape. our friendship was my escape. the fights my parents had with each other didnt matter when icould leave and go a block away to her house. i spent every weekend there. we’d run around the entire neighborhood, even finding a secret broken fence that we could go through and nearly be right by the interstate. i remember being so sad one halloween when her parents bought her a sakura cosplay costume and i couldnt convince my parents to get me an ino one. i wish i would have forced myself to go out on the last halloween i spent there even though i was sick. i didnt know it would be my last.

ill never forget all the stupid youtube videos we watched on her dad’s computer in the basement. all the shitty youtube poops and cringy naruto chatrooms. or all the time we spent talking on the phone during the airing of new naruto episodes, or while we played animal crossing. my dad always yelled at me for being on the home phone so often but i didntcare.

i miss her so much but she changed an awful lot after i moved. i wonder if i would have changed like her if i stayed. i wonder if i would have gotten arrested for smoking weed in her car with her. i wonder if i could have kept her out of trouble. i dont know. all the times i went up to my dad’s, he always asked if i would be seeing her and i never knew. even though id try to plan with her months in advance, something always magically came up last second. so i just stopped trying. i stopped telling her when i would show up, since it wouldnt matter anyways. it just felt like i was nothing. it still feels like im nothing. part of me wonders if she felt relief when my dad died. i wonder if she was relieved that i wouldnt have a reason to visit anymore. a reason to bother her. the last time i went up was for my step grandad’s 100th birthday. i tried making plans with her months in advance, and magically the day before she has to take her mom to a doctor’s appointment.

i didnt know what i was expecting. i wasnt surprised. i felt bad asking my mom to take me and my bf to the zoo, but she had an old friend who lived near in that area so she said it was fine. i still felt like a burden. i felt like shit and i felt stupid in believing that anything had changed. we even went back to my old neighborhood and drove around. we drove past her house too, and my mom asked if i wanted to see if she was home. i just told her no. she never asked about it, but i think she knew that i was done. i was tired. a friendship of almost 10 years just. gone. like that.

i know i shouldnt miss her because in the end, she probably stopped caring about me. but god it fucking hurts. everything about it hurts. i miss her. i miss all the fun we’d have during the summer, or during breaks from school. i miss trick or treating with her. i miss running around the neighborhood with her. i wholly believed she was my platonic soulmate, and then my parents got divorced and i moved away and everything just crumbled like sand between my fingers. i just hurts and i dont know what to do about it. my head is a jumbled mess and i have so many regrets and intrusive thoughts about ever leaving. it keeps me up at night and it haunts me. among other things, but it feels like a stab to the chest every time. the memories are there but they feel like they’re from a lifetime ago. they feel like they’re from someone else that wasnt me. i just want to stop thinking about it and stop remembering it all so i can stop feeling regret and stop feeling so shitty but i cant. i cant stop my brain wont let me. evyerthing is just crumbling down and i cant stop it. i bet my dad would still be alive too if i stayed. i would have gotten onto his ass about his health. even through all the pain he caused my mom and the horrible financial situations he put us in because of his drinking habit and car habit he didnt deserve to die and i hate it. i hate it and i hate that my brother had to be up there and deal with it all because he was so young an ddidnt deserve it. he was only 14 and he saw his own dad dead on the hospital bed and there was nothing he could do. i thought i could trust my dad’s girlfriend but she was a bitch and she let him die she let him die and i cant forgive her she’s a nurser she should have known heart attack signs and called 911 right awya instead of waiting. she killed him and icant ever forgive her and i hope she gets what she deserves.

god this is devolving really quick and i cant sotp it im so sorry i cant i jsut need to get this out because my brain jsut wont stop and i cant stop thinking i cant stop crying i just want to stop existing for a while. but i dont want to die because i have too many people i care about anf theyd be so sad so i have to sstay. nobody online would know what happened and i cnat do that to them i lvoe them all so much. im sorry this is getting really bad i just wanted to get my thoughts out there and it turned into a mess. ill be okay i always am so please odnt worry im just. really really. i dont even know how to describe it.

i dont think i m going to be able to sleep well tonight but i have to go and try it’s alreayd so late

#kou bitches #negative #negative tw #really really negative #im sor sorry #i jsut wnated to rwrite my thoughts down because i jsut feel so weighed down and it got relaly bad #im okay i promsie im justnot in a good brain state #i didnt want to bother thr group chat with this and like nobody follwoes me here #im sor ry #death mention #death tw #i dont know how to tag this #long post #i tri3d to readmore it and i hope itbworks for people

0 notes

missjackil · 7 years

Photo

One Year.... One year ago this month, I was introduced to these AMAZING gentlemen, and life has never been the same! I don’t recall the exact day it happened, but I do know it was March, 2016,

This is how it started... It was a very cold, snowy winter here in NJ last year, so my life long friend Dawn, my daughter Sarah, and I started binge watching different series on Netflix. Dawn first suggested this show Supernatural, which I had only heard of in passing a few times over the years, but she had watched since the beginning. She said I would love it, the brothers are hot, they hunt monsters and demons, delve a lot into Religion, which is a big interest of mine, I even have a degree in Theology, and am legally ordained. I checked the title on Netflix and saw it had 10 seasons available, and I said “Nah, that’s a pretty big commitment, I dont think I could stay interested in a show that long” then Dawn informed me, that it was still on the air and in season 11. Not my cup of tea, so I declined. She next suggested Nurse Jackie, which was really good, but so easy to burn through. I got the next pick and picked House MD which had been mine, and my daughter Sarah’s favorite series to date. This was a longer series than Nurse Jackie, 8 seasons instead of 7, and hour long episodes, as opposed to half hour. This took almost 2 months to get through. While watching this series again, I would keep commenting how much I loved the bromance between House and Wilson, to wish Dawn would always reply “The you will LOVE Sam and Dean!!” So since she had next pick, I agreed to give Supernatural a try. And this is what happened... *CRASH BOOM BANG <heavy flop>* “Wooooaaah easy tiger” “Dean?” Yeah, these boys are freakin adorable, and Im gonna love this bromance. I thought Dean was hot, and Sam was cute. Too young for me to think he was hot (me being 49 at the time) but I felt like the monsters and a lot of the horror was pretty lame, and sometimes even cheesy, though I did enjoy the chemistry the boys had with each other, and found Sam’s psychic visions to be an interesting element, I didn’t think I would stay interested for very long. For a while, we were only watching 2-3 episodes at a time, a couple times a week when Dawn would come over. Near the end of S1 I told her I didn’t think I wanted to continue. She asked me to PLEASE give it to the end of season 2 and if I still didnt like it, we could find something else. As promised, I did become more interested in S2. The humor was funnier, the acting got better, and the bromance was hotter, and the emotional moments were even more heart breaking. The first episode that left a really big impression on me was Born Under a Bad Sign. Until then, I knew Sam had psychic powers, and his father was worried he would turn dark, and left it on Dean’s shoulders to save him or kill him (good idea John, what the hell) and this episode was probably showing Sam go bad. I didnt want that, I liked the boys and I wanted to like both of them and not have to start thinking of Sam as evil, but he was soooooo creepy in that episode! I was so afraid he was going to rape Jo, fortunately he didn’t, but that “My daddy shot your daddy in the heeeaad” thing gave me the willies! I was so uncomfortable with this “Dark Sam” I thought maybe I couldnt continue. Dawn didnt want me to stop just yet, but didnt want to give me spoilers, she told me “Don’t worry, Sam and Dean are the GOOD guys and Sam is a REALLY good guy” so I continued. When it was discovered that Sam was possessed, I found that very interesting, I didn’t think the boys would ever succumb to the evil things, just kick their asses all the time, though I assumed theyd have their own asses kicked sometimes, I never thought the show would allow the heroes to really suffer.... boy was I wrong huh?? I recall my first noticing that Sam was hot and built like a truck, in Heart, and it was also the first time I really cried. I remember telling Dawn, I will watch it when she comes over but Im watching it on my own too, because now Im much more interested, but I also said “it’s kind of a bummer knowing the boys wont die, that will take away from the suspense and emotional moments when it’s feared they might die, and I remember her giving me this look... she said “trust me, you know nothing”. She was right ... All Hell Breaks Loose 1 & 2 had me sobbing! When Sam dies in Dean’s arms and Dean sobs into his neck, I dont think Ive ever seen such intense, realistic grief on a TV show. And then Dean goes and sells his soul for Sam!! This turned what I thought was a “My brother is my best friend” love into a “Id willingly spend eternity in fire and torment, to have one more year with my brother” love. That was a big turning point for me. I new Id watch it till the end and couldnt wait for those long days off when I could just binge all day long. Then Season 4 happened... I dont know when exactly it happened, or which episode it was, but somewhere early in S4, I discovered the most amazing thing. I woke up one day and realized I am madly in love with Sam Winchester! And to top it off, I was hopelessly addicted and obsessed with SPN! I wont give a rundown of how each season hit me, but its been a crazy, emotional, tragically painful, beautful roller coaster that I have no intentions to ever get off of. By the time I got to S9 and started seeing the episodes dwindle away, I didnt want to finish too fast, yet I wanted to keep binging, so thats when I decided to start rewatching. ration out the newer episodes so I dont finish too fast, and binge the ones Ive already seen, and Ive done that continiously since then, and that was in May. By the end of June, I had watched everything on Netflix and purchased all of S11 On Demand and just kept finishing and starting over, rinse, repeat. What I have learned... I mean no disrespect to Dean, I love him... but, if he ever says “As long as Im around, nothing bad is ever gonna happen to you” ... just RUN!! He said this to Sam in S1 and things just unraveled fast for poor Sam. I dont think there are many bad things LEFT that haven't happened to Sam, and we still have at least 2 more seasons to go!!! To me, Sam is the most beautiful, kind, selfless, brave character ever. Yet, he can be a little selfish on occasion, but if you needed any of the duct tape and safety pins that hold him together, he wouldnt think twice about giivng them to you. He is scared fairly often, but it’s never stopped him from facing any big bad monster life could hand him.Season 10 was definitely not his most attractive season (that hair?? WHAT??) and if you piss him off, he can viciously sting with his words at the very least, or be brutally lethal with his hands when need be. He is a full on nerd, but not the least bit pretentious about it. He doesnt think he is better than anyone, and maybe even not as good as most. He is brilliant, but wont ever make you feel stupid. He is the sweetest, kindest gentleman you’ll ever meet, but 100% badass as well. But most of all. he loves Dean with everything in his life. He will never leave him (again) for anyone. If he ever finds a significant other, they will have to accept him and Dean as One person. Package deal and thats it. To me, Dean is a rock. He rarely ever changes, This isn’t a bad thing. This compliments Sam, who is ever changing. Dean doesn’t live inside his head. He expresses his feelings more physically than with words, though he isnt one to mince words if you need to hear it. He’s emotional, not afraid to cry, but maybe afraid of who he allows to see it. He’s not perfect, he has made a lot of poor choices for himself and for Sam as well, but never with any ill intent (other than when influenced by a Supernatural force) He is a sweetheart, who unfortunately carries too much baggage. In Regarding Dean I feel like I met the REAL Dean that is lost under decades of pain, lossm and never ending violence. He can piss me off big time, but I forgive him because Sam does, and the most important thing in his world is Sam. There is nothing he wouldnt do, nor lines he wouldnt cross for Sam, and I believe he would give Sam anything in his power if Sam would simply ask. What I think of the side characters Cas, Crowley, Rowena, Bobby, etc.. all good characters who bring a lot of interest to the show, but none are strong enough characters to have their own storylines apart from Sam and Dean. Their side stories arent very interesting. I would watch a show that was only Sam and Dean (which is what I prefer) but I wouldnt watch a show that was only Cas or Crowley or whomever. They should support Sam and Dean and thats it, in my opinion.

What I have learned about the Fandom... Supernatural is the Holy Reaches of Heaven to them and they are Religions. Separate groups of individuals, expressing their love for the show and the characters in different ways. Some SPN religions are open and accepting, and some are vicious and hateful. Everyone gets different things from different parts of the series, but some of these religions, think their thoughts are the best and only True Canon even when sometimes, their thoughts are not canon at all. There are some fun, silly, kind loving fans in the SPN Family, and I have met a few, but Ive also seen some unnecessarily hatefull, mean spirited individuals who I cant consider family. SPN belongs to me, and it belongs to you. Take from it what you take from it... blog your blogs, go meta crazy, ship your ships, and write the shit out of fan fic... but please dont belittle and berate those who think differently. It is a ficitonal show, no one is going to go to Hell or be arrested for their views on it. If you don’t like it, dont watch it, but let those who do still love it, like myself, enjoy it while they can. Don’t go trying to hurt our feelings with “It should end!!” because someday it will, we know this, but we want it to live on for as long as J2 are happy to do it, and even then, it’s gonna hurt like the death of a loved one to see it go, so try to be more considerate okay? If you stayed to read ALL of this, You are precious to me :) and thank you!

#supernatural #1 year anniversary #many years to come

15 notes · View notes

wdfa · 7 years

Text

coming back from winter break like HELLO NAUGHTY CHILDREN ITS RELAPSE TIME

warning for... um. lots of stuff. a loooot of self hate/negative self talk. internalized transphobia/cissexism. discussions of sexual experiences (not in detail). menstruation mention. depression and symptoms.

im struggling so hard rn ugh so many Symptoms.. especially with feelings of worthlessness!!!!!!! like i just feel like im annoying ppl with just my existence!!!! UGH like i know it’s irrational bc so many ppl love and care about me and they have voiced these facts as well as affirmed them through actions! and they continue to do so! it kinda has a lot to do with my dysphoria? im not sure how to like. explain it??? because there is Context.

last saturday my frat had a brothers-only party and it was fun and cute and i had Such a Good Time because i love my brothers! some alumni came too like i got to see my grandbig again and my 2 adopted grandbigs LMAO... one is dating my gbig so she’s step-gbig i guess not adopted? but the other one is in my family line, and he has 2 “real” grandlittles but he adopted me and one of my fifth (?) cousins. ANYWAYS it was really tender because that literally happened that night, he said “as far as im concerned, i have 4 grandlittles... plates, kali, billy, and u” and im not kidding i almost cried it touched my salty ass heart. and that was pretty much the theme of the night, just me loving on everyone and everyone loving on me!

i was kind of worried about that tbh because i was wearing one of those douchey ridiculously large arm-hole tshirts and my scars were pretty visible,,,, but like everyone was really cool about them like i got some compliments actually haha mostly they were just like “aw im so happy for u/proud of u” but one of my older bros (who happens to also be a bass!!) said smth like “yo those are really cool thats so hardcore!” which pleasantly surprised me because he’s a very aloof and sarcastic kind of person, so getting something genuine was really neat. and so much good happened that night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was great!!!!!!!!!! but also like. ugh. i guess more context needed.

in my pledge class of 7 only 2 of us were virgins and im one of them. like ive literally never had any Sexual experience, and it was always because i was never comfortable enough with my own body due to dysphoria. even when u get past that my high school was fucking tiny so who was going to love my fat trans ass 8^) and my pbro’s situation was a little different, but he’s gay and his high school was similar so he never had the option to explore anything either. and we were like. together on that u know? i had kind of accepted that it wasnt realistic for me to want things like that, and while that realization hurt, i knew that i had someone in the same boat. but then he goes and loses his virginity!!!!! and this is where i get MESSY LMAO IM NOT READY FOR THIS BUT HERE GOES

first of all i want to say that i am 100% happy for him because he’s my friend i will support him until the end of time and he told us it was important for him finally being able to celebrate himself and grow up and operate with sexual/personal autonomy and live his own DAMN LIFE and im so so SO proud of him for that!! and i HATE myself so FUCKING MUCH for being selfish and feeling this way and taking something so important to someone i love and making it about myself, but. now its like im left behind. i hate this feeling so fucking much i hate being left behind/forgotten about/ignored/excluded from anything and everything. and now this is something that everyone has gone through but me. and it fucking sucks even more because i know the main reason that i havent done this is because im trans!!!! like i didnt ask to be this way!!!!!!!! trust me! its so fucking difficult!!!!!!!! i hate being different sometimes, i literally just want to be like everyone else, i want to be fucking normal for once. like i know that ‘normal’ doesn’t actually exist but im tired of having to struggle through things that other people dont. and ive really just been dwelling on this and extrapolating like “welp no one will ever wanna hook up with me or date me or love me and im gonna die alone like the piece of shit i am” and it’s just opened up soooooo many Bad Feels that i either havent thought about before or did a really good job at repressing! literally just shitty Dysphoria garbage!!!

and now its like. “ok well u dont want to be a virgin anymore then go out and have sex” WELP it doesnt really work that way!!! i’m very masculine in appearance (or at least i try to be) and the people who are attracted to me expect me to be a Cis Male, because unfortunately we assume everyone is cis until proven otherwise. bottom line is theyre gonna expect me to have a dick! but i dont! what happens when im into someone and theyre not aware of this fact? what if we Get Going and start Doing the Do but theyre like EW GROSS DIE??????? i just keep thinking about this!!!!!!!!! its in my head and i cant get it out!!!!!!!!!! like i Did Not go to bed on sunday night because i just keep dwelling!!!! i went to therapy on tuesday and told all this to my psychologist and usually that gets it out of my system but no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she’s usually really helpful because she approaches things logically rather than emotionally but that didnt work in this case i guess!!

i told my pbros about some of these feelings and they said the shit your friends are supposed to say to make u feel better and it was reassuring that they loved me at the time but like. i guess it didnt stick lol because im still convinced that im unlovable even though mccoy sat on my lap half the night and david let me casually touch him (he does not like physicality so that was kind of a Bigger deal) and ben laid on top of us and we were all so tender but i literally cant translate that into permanence i guess!!!!! but also bad things happened at meeting that kind of validated my fears bc me n a few bros were talking, i think it was me and a gay guy and a girl who thought she was straight but shes questioning if shes bi and i cant remember who else because i was Turnt but these two were like the main source of conversation. the guy was like “im definitely gay like i know i dont like girls because vaginas are just gross” and the girl was like “yeah i dont know, im attracted to hot girls but idk if i could ever fuck w/ a girl because ew vagina” LIKE im.... ... standing............ right .... here...................... and i said something! like “thats transphobic not everyone w a vagina is a girl” and i cant remember exactly but they totally like. brushed me off. i initially have all of these doubts, then my bros are like “yooo that’s irrational, everyone loves u” which makes me feel better and kind of makes the doubts get less awful BUT THEN this happens and we’re back to square one SO.

it doesnt help that i fucking started my period on monday. i havent had it in over a year. but i had to skip a dose of T before my surgery and my ADHD ass forgets everything so i ended up skipping like 3 so apparently this is what happens when you stop taking it :) im really hoping that this is the reason im so emo about everything right now UGH.

all of these feelings are just taking such a toll on me its like im weighed down,,, i was supposed to do some studying today and take some notes but instead i stayed in bed and played games on my phone lol!!!!!! i didnt even do anything fun!!!!!!!!!! and now im alone on a friday night doing NOTHING just like i did fucking NOTHING all day today!!

what sucks about this is that im alone because i feel sad.... but being alone makes me feel even MORE sad........... like im happy when im with my friends, im happy when im with my brothers, im happy when im at the house! but for some reason i cant just text a bro at random whenever im feeling down. like if i did, i know that no matter who it was theyd give me the support i need/the support id get at the house with everyone there. but i cant make that move, i cant take that risk, because i must Avoid.... like i know talking to ppl and being around them makes me happier, and i know if i did gather the ‘courage’ or w/e to do that then the odds of getting a positive response would be 99% but i just. Cannot initiate. because that 1% chance of rejection is just too much. im terrified of it. even if i did take that chance i dont even know what i’d say??? “hey lol im kinda craving death because im a worthless abomination haha wyd” ????? im still not comfortable w talking about being trans. like i am a bit but only with certain people. definitely not with the brotherhood. maybe my big? but she just got a new girlfriend so i dont want to bother her. honestly i dont want to bother anybody!!!!!!!!!! which is Wrong because i tell ppl all the time that their emotions are valid and theyre not bothering people who care but HERE WE FUCKING ARE KIDS!

ok i think im done now i just. really had to get that out. replies and likes and asks are welcome but the other thing is not allowed. the thing with two arrows that kind of go in a circle. none of that.

#trumpet hate #personal #wow this was..... so much..........#literally no one is gonna read this but it was mostly for me anyways so [shrug emoji]#caps /#negative /#self hate /#transphobia /#cissexism /#menstruation mention //#the experience #ask to tag

3 notes · View notes