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#burnt secondary
reds-burrow · 1 year
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I just want to express gratitude to you for how you handled your latest ask. The question of what our real self is, the version of us that we are when we are in crisis or the version of us when we are at our best is what I've been thinking about for years. And it caused me real harm. Let me explain. I belong to a 'tough' country where you are constantly probed for stress resistance, any personality trait is only considered 'yours' if you don't allow it to be changed by anxiety/stress/fear at all. People will say things like 'Yeah no, if you were logical/smart/ you'd perfectly logical during a *insert stressful situation here*. But the thing is, everyone is irrational during stress, it's human nature. Also, the factors of stress are often decided not by personality but by our role in society. That's why women/disabled people/minorities are considered overemotional - there are just more stress factors in their environment but more privileged people don't see them and dismiss them as 'emotion'. And it brought real harm to my understanding of self and other people too. Think of it that way - when all trees stand with cut branches, you no longer can tall the differences between trees. So don't type yourself by negatives - stress, depression and etc. Type yourself by what you do best. It's actually more logical too because the world only cares about you bring to the table, not living up to some kind of ideal. We all are cogs, in a good sense of word. A cog is defined by its function, not malfunction. And even if it's malfunction you should be determined what it is for and it's important for the whole mechanism.
(This is in response to this post.)
Thanks for sharing your take on this! You make some very good points.
In fact, you've reminded me of a conversation I recently had with someone who I had guided through the sorting process. They were having a very Burnt Secondary day, the type of day where they would say they don't feel like they have any function, a cog without spokes to follow your metaphor. They were trying to ask if I was sure that they were a Badger Secondary and not a Snake because of all the shortcuts they had been taking in their schoolwork, so I had to remind them that they were using up all their energy fighting their depression. Of course, they didn't have energy to do the hard work that they usually would have wanted to do. I pointed to what they did on good days and the activities they do for fun or for relaxation. And then I pointed to their regrets, to the way all these shortcuts stressed them out. It was understandable that they didn't feel like they were living up to a Badger Secondary, but when they're feeling healthy, it's clear that that is what they use.
Idioms that claim you see people's true natures when they're cornered have always sat wrong with me. The truth is, when you corner someone, all you get is cornered behavior. That is never the whole picture of who someone is.
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wisteria-lodge · 1 year
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lion primary + slightly burnt bird secondary
Hello ! I did the quiz twice with slightly different results and I wanted to have your opinion cause I'm having trouble figuring it out. I tried to keep it short, but it's 4 pages on my google sheet i'm sorry, if it's too long I'll cute some parts there's not problem ! 
Also, I hope it's the right "place" to send it, I wasn't sure. 
You're doing great, although all that apologizing his making me think we're going to run into some burning here.
PRIMARY 
Lion: “Lions are probably the most likely to forgive their enemies, if those enemies seem to repent and change.” → I always say that it’s how you end that matters, not who you were before. 
I mean, I would hope so. That's a human thing. The real question is what proof will you take that someone has really changed. That's where we start getting into primaries.
“For a Badger, it is not about sides or repentance; it is about the inherent worth of a human being. Badgers who value other people in that way can and often will help someone or forgive someone who they dislike, distrust, or disrespect.” → No way. Not everyone deserves respect or help. It’s better to be right than kind. And being kind to someone bad isn’t right. 
That's intense. And probably points to either a Lion (possibly a Badger defining people out of their community, it depends where the rest of this goes.) But I'm leaning Lion. This knee-jerk 'some people are just BAD' and 'it's WRONG to be kind to bad people,' is a Lion's felt morality. A Badger would be more likely to say something like 'lack of kindness CREATES bad people,' or that the kindness *itself* is moral, rather than the Lion classic 'it's better to be morally right than to keep the peace.'
Snake vs Lion: If Snakes will be loyal to their loved ones and they won’t leave them on any instance, but Lions will be willing to leave friends or family members behind if they disagree on some important values and principles, then I’m stuck between the two.
Family is very important to me. I’ve always been close to my parents, sister and brother. We share the same principles and we generally agree on the same things but there are still differences sometimes that bothers me (ordinary sexism for ex).  At one time, I was so pissed off that I didn’t want to see them during the holidays. But I feel like it’s my responsibility to make them understand my point of view and to educate them on certain subjects. I wouldn't do this much effort for people I barely know, but it’s my family and I don’t want to lose them. I think that if they were really intolerant and opposed to my principles, I would avoid them, but I would be really depressed about it. And I’ll never stop trying to change their minds. 
That's... a really really REALLY Lion primary answer.
I hate losing people. I’ve always wanted a friendship that would lasts forever. But I had this friend, she was “problematic”. But, bc she was my friend, I was avoiding some topics so that we could just chill. But she started to debate at parties, and me, hearing these things, I couldn't stay silent. And then she was like “you’re so annoying, we can’t say anything with you”. I tried to explain to her how I was feeling so she could understand me. But due to our disagreements and her refusal to listen to me, I ended our friendship.
Lion. Lions have a LOT of trouble nurturing friendships or close relationships with people whose stances don't line up with theirs. And it might be hard, but they ultimately feel good and kind of badass about giving those people reduced access to them.
It was a bit hard, but I won’t accept toxic relationships and intolerant people. 
Like, if you were a Snake, you would have just rolled your eyes when your friend started talking politics at parties, and changed the subject. It wouldn't have felt like it mattered all that much. I'm also considering Lion secondary to you, because going into hard-core debate at parties is a *choice,* and not one that everyone would make. Because like you say, it runs the risk of making you seem annoying, a buzzkill, holier-than-thou. But a Lion secondary is willing to take the hit, and they get a lot of their power that way.
“Ultimately, lions are about their principles, not people. No matter the means, if the end is what is needed, then it all works out.” → Principles are important because people are. When you fight for a cause, you fight for people. I think it’s more like Lions fight for people they don’t know personally, who can be different, because it’s right, whereas Snakes for instance can do that but it’s not their priority. As for the end justify the means, again, it depends on the situation. I wouldn’t agree with this every time. Also, I realized that if I knew everyone personally, I wouldn't fight for them, I would fight them.
Oh man, are either are really a Lion secondary, or just REALLY live in your primary.
(The rest of it is just people stuff)
I often wonder if people are worth it. (cf. wonder woman “they don’t deserve our help”). Like, I have the feeling that almost everyone is either sexist, racist, lgbtphobic, etc. when they’re not all of that at the same time. 
You know, I am going to pull up that scene from Wonder Woman. I want to talk about how it fits into this system.
DIANA: My mother was right. She said `the world of men don't deserve you.' That's why she left. They don't deserve our help.
STEVE: It's not about whether they deserve it or not. It's about what you believe. You think I don't get it? All I've seen out there? I wish I could tell you that there was one `bad guy' to blame. Maybe we're all to blame. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to do better. (beat) And if you believe this war should stop, Diana, if you want to stop it, then help me stop it.
Diana is a hurting Lion primary. It seems pointless, it seems hopeless, she's lost that burning moral certainty she had in the beginning. She doesn't even know if she wants to end the war anymore. But Steve is as Badger as Badger can get. He says it's a trap to talk about who 'deserves' saving, because everyone contributes to the whole, and all you can do push that whole back, or further into the light.
But that doesn't make sense to Diana. She's not really part of the whole, after all (she's both a really loud Lion, and an Amazon.) The argument that *does* make sense to her is the one she expresses later on.
DIANA: It's not about deserve... It's about what you believe... and I believe in love --
If you're a Lion, you *have* to believe in something, you just do. And Diana doesn't believe in people. She doesn't have to. She believes that love makes things better, and so she will love the world.
I believe that reformism is a tool when you have nothing else to ameliorate people’s conditions of life, but that only a revolution can change the system. But revolutions are violent, deadly, and even though I support it, would I be brave enough to give up my privileges, my life, my dreams, to fight for what’s right? I hope so. 
 I’ve always thought of Lion as the “activist." And I try to fight for what’s right. One day when I was a kid, my dad told me about the workers in the UK who went on strike for ONE YEAR in 1984-1985. He said some of them were so poor they had to eat rats and I was so shocked and admirative of their bravery that I still remember it years later. I’m always wondering if I could be as brave as them, and honestly, I don’t think so. But I try to be.
Strikes work. And I dunno. Everyone does suck, at least a little, and we should all do what we can to make ourselves healthier, wiser, better educated versions of ourselves. But that's kind of the point of Wonder Woman, and why it has to be set during World War I. People are capable of insane evil. But they're also capable of intense good, and if you burn it all down, you burn down the good too.
I try with small things, like saying what I think, not letting an injustice be unpunished. For example, my mother’s boyfriend said sexist and racist stuff so I stood up. I also try to do this at parties. It’s not easy bc i’m often portrayed as a buzz killer, a feminazi or else. But I feel really bad when I don’t do it, I feel guilty.  
You feel morally in the wrong (because you're a really loud Lion.) I'd watch that retribution streak though. That's something I tend to see with Exploded Lions.
Lion vs Bird:  Concerning my beliefs and principles, I like to have an opinion about everything bc I don’t believe in neutrality. Like, it’s okay not to know what to think about something, but it has to be temporary. I inform myself a lot. I want to know the truth, I believe there is one. Of course, reality is complex. But that doesn’t mean that there are not fair and unfair situations. Sometimes, it can be both. And for certain topics, I knew something was wrong even before getting some information and arguments, just cause I felt it was wrong. 
We've definitely got a little Bird secondary going on here. Could be a model you love. Could just be your secondary.
“They can often feel extremely strongly about something… but have trouble breaking down their argument or explaining why (at least in the moment). You’re more likely to hear something like, “it’s wrong because it’s just wrong” from a Lion. They have internal voices which are very important to them, and matter a lot when they make decisions.” → THIS !!!! For example with death penalty, I felt it was wrong without knowing anything around this debate. I only read and did research after. Sometimes, I do some research on a topic because I don’t have an opinion on it, other times I do this but I already have an opinion and I'm searching for arguments to justify it. 
Lion primary. And from one Lion primary to another, beware any black-and-white worldview. It's a thought-killer. But yeah, sometimes you have to go though the process of deciding *why* you think something.
“A Bird can explain the structure of ‘why’ they believe what they believe (and will probably be thrilled you asked. More importantly, they will be happy to field any questions and have a discussion about it. A Lion might do this… but it would be an all-around more stressful conversation, and not a fun thing to do over brunch.” → Reading this, I thought about all the debates I had about feminism, rape culture, the use of racist or homophobic slurs and yes this is stressful, because people say horrible things.
Of course, you're fighting from a place or morality (not practicality or utility, which is always easier.) And, chances are when you're debating these things, you're fighting for your survival and of course that's stressful.
(it's just not a fair fight, when only one party is risking getting hurt)
It’s not that I doubt my arguments and analysis, just that people are not easily convinced, even with facts. 
My take on this is that very few people are convinced by facts, and almost never in-the-moment. Debates are not meant to change the mind of the person you're debating. They're meant to change the mind of any observers that might be on the fence, or to get into someone's mind like a splinter and just sort of - wait their chance.
So yeah, don't let racist jokes slide (I wouldn't) but also don't... feed the trolls. There are a lot of people who want to make bad-faith arguments just designed to get you angry. And you can't teach people who don't want to learn. Just do your thing, be visible, and when those people are ready - they know where to find you.
“When Lions change their minds it’s a much messier situation, and takes a lot longer.” → Some of my opinions have changed, evolved. It’s unpleasant to see that we were wrong, but not everyone can be right every time. The important thing to me is to realize your faults and act better. But yeah, sometimes, it hurts. 
It does. But it sounds like you already know that the most important thing is to remember that you might be working with flawed/incomplete data just the same as everyone else, and *always* might be wrong.
“There are also [Birds] who believe that truth is discoverable, and there is a universal, objective truth, and that they have found it. Maybe it’s not perfect, but it’s solid, and they’re sure that if they explain it sufficiently to someone else, that person would also see the truth of it. [Bird] Primaries also value internal consistency. Hypocrisy means that something is off, and wrong, and it irritates them.” →  Hypocrisy is one of the things I hate the most specifically because it’s pure lies, denial and bad faith. I always make sure that I’m always in the truth and on the right path, and that I don’t let myself get carried away by my ego or else. Not always easy. 
I know that 'hypocrisy' is often held up as THE thing that most annoys Birds, but all your language here is really Lion. 'Denial' 'Bad faith' - that's feeling something is right and deliberately going against it (a lion would *hate* that.) And really intense, exploded Lions tend to get swallowed up by their ego... while intense exploded Bird almost have no ego at all.
 SECONDARY
I think the first time I did the quiz I had bird secondary, but the second time I did it, I had this result : Burned Snake Secondary.
Okay, that's really interesting. I totally see the Bird, but I never would have guessed *snake.*
It said that:  “It doesn’t feel deceitful to a Snake to change to fit the needs of their environment: to be kind with this person, forceful with this one, erudite to the next. This adaptability can be applied to manipulation, influence, and power, but a Snake secondary can just as easily focus their efforts on maintaining friendships, making people happy, encouraging positive social change, or streamlining communication.” → I’d feel bad if I was being nice to someone I hate except if the point behind this fake nice attitude was to trick them. Because then, it would be justified and not just because I’m scared to say what I think of them.
This seems to tie back to your primary. It's not uncommon for Idealists (Lion and Bird) to be REALLY against lying - even a little bit, in any circumstance. It's very Kant. BUT, if your primary was okay with lying for some reason... then of course lying would be all right.
But "being nice to someone I hate [because] the point behind this fake nice attitude was to trick them" isn't a Snake sentiment, because that wouldn't feel fake to a Snake. It wouldn't feel deceitful, it wouldn't feel like lying, it would feel like just a communication style.
If anything, what you're describing here sounds *more* like a situation specific Actor Bird - a you have a Nice!You, in order to get things from people you hate.
As a teen, I wanted to be myself,
Human stuff. (But that kind of existential how-do-I-define-myself angst is especially common with Lion primary.)
but I also wished for people to see my worth. I was searching for others’ validation and it often led me to elaborate a bunch of strategies to get noticed and “admired” where I needed to be a bit hypocritical sometimes. But this whole era is hard to explain. 
Glory Hound Lion primary. (It's common, it's a classic.)
“A burned Snake secondary might want to be flexible, adaptable, and clever, but they feel like they are (or like people think they are) clumsy, unobservant, or blunt.” → I sometimes feel like I’m dumb in the way like I’m not particularly cunning but I wish to be. 
Look... everyone thinks Snake secondaries are cool...
SNAKE : “They naturally create the mask, the persona, that the situation requires, and shift out of it just as easily.” → I try to put on masks to appear on my best day, especially with people I just met. But it’s so hard to keep it, I usually forget how I was supposed to act and talk, and end up being my normal self. But I like the cunning part, I don’t know if i’m good at that but I would love to be. I have this recent example where I wanted to know something about a friend of mine, but it felt weird and rude to ask her directly so I bypassed the topic and she told me what I wanted to know. 
I think all this is just being garden-variety polite. (Which you talk about as basically as an Actor Bird persona, that you don't especially love.)
I also try to adapt to people in order to convince them. I know how they can react and I adapt my speech to them, because if I don’t, they’re gonna reject it directly. But I don’t think I’m snake bc I can’t restrain myself from being myself. For example, when I was like 12, I was in this awkward situation where my friends and I were hanging out, and one of my “friends” mocked me, while the others said nothing. It was a habit : this girl bullied me but we still hung out bc we had the same friends. It happened to me again a couple of years ago. So I was shutting my mouth bc I was afraid of losing all my friends if I stood up. But eventually one day, I was so angry that I told them how I felt. Both times, one month is all I could endure of their bullying. And both times, when I spoke, it just slipped out. I really had zero control. And even though I was afraid of the consequences, it felt good to say the truth and not let them walk over me. 
Hmmm. I mean, no one likes being bullied. And just blurting out stuff unwisely because you're angry, that's just a person thing. It didn't make you feel strong after all, it make you feel out of control. Which is why it doesn't seem to point to your secondary.
In general, you seem pretty comfortable with the single-player version of your Bird secondary. But you're in process of getting comfortable with the multi-player version. You... don't totally trust your ability to use it yet, but I'm not sure I would call it burned.
I also had a LION MODEL which says that: “Lion values honesty and integrity. If you model Lion secondary, you also value these things and like to live by them. You like to be honest, straightforward, and consistent-- but you wouldn't feel guilty for abandoning those values in the service of other, higher priorities. It would be nice if you could always say what you mean and stick with it-- but sometimes you have to be circumspect, restrained, or practical, and you don't feel bad about that.” And elsewhere I red about Lions secondary that : “Every other secondary will act or wear different personas, but to a Lion that feels immoral.” → I don’t think it’s immoral, but sometimes i’m tired of pretending. In fact, I like to put on a mask and play a part if it’s to manipulate people I don’t like, or if it’s just to obtain information that I can’t have just by asking. But I hate situations where I have to be polite and pretend that I like people I can’t stand. For example, I’ll have to have dinner with my mother’s boyfriend who said racist stuff and I’ll have to be polite and it’s going to make me feel bad/guilty. I try to be more honest. 
When you HAVE to do things, it make them a lot less fun. That's just being human. Authenticity is - a presentation that you have given your consent to, free and clear, in the knowledge that you could have just as easily said no. It's fun to play a part and be nice when it's you deciding to do that all on your own, to get something you want. But playing a part and being nice because you HAVE to, because you have no other choice... no one likes that.
 LIONS : “They charge into situations and have faith in their intuition” → I can feel in my gut that a situation is unfair
That's your primary talking.
but for general topics in everyday life, when I have a choice to make, I can’t decide. Choices are hard for me. I’m not an improviser, I plan everything. But sometimes, I wish I could let go of things. 
I'm really doubling down on Bird secondary for you. And feeling sort of stuck, incapable of making a practical decision - that's something I see with Bunt secondaries, *especially* with Burnt Bird secondaries.
“Lions solve problems by being committed (or stubborn.)” → I made myself a promise when I was a child, to never give up. I don’t even feel like I have a choice, I don’t like to give up on things or people, so I will always try. I only give up when I have no other choice.
That's your primary talking again. (You have a very loud primary)
BIRDS: When I was a kid, I wanted to be the smartest in the world like Einstein and thought that knowing everything by heart was enough 😂
Ooooh... young Bird. Such classic young Bird secondary.
Sometimes I’m scared not to have time to learn enough in my lifetime. And one of the reasons why I want to realize documentaries as my job, is to learn, and teach people. I want to give people information and try to make them understand things, and maybe change their minds, make them see the truth. 
I think you'd be a fantastic documentarian.
(Also? You've collected quotes about the different primaries and secondaries from at least three different sources, collected them here, and arranged your response around them. A very Bird secondary problem solving method.)
Since I was a child, it’s really hard for me to take decisions because first, I want everything lmao, and secondly, I'm always making sure I have all the information and I'm always waiting for the "perfect moment" so I just freeze in place.
A lot of Bird secondaries have this problem. And hate the idea that they're never going to know everything, or KNOW that something is the perfect moment. A Lion primary comes in handy here - sometimes you just have to kick your butt into doing *something*... because doing nothing is just as much as choice as everything else.
I love to-do lists. I love traveling and I make super detailed lists about the countries I want to visit and the things I wanna do and see in order not to forget anything. Because I don’t wanna miss a thing. I’m always afraid of wasting my time and life. I’m not against improvisation sometimes, but not when it could waste the only chance I have to do/see something that really matters to me. I know I want control over everything, and I’m a bit of a perfectionist too, often leading me disappointed. 
Bird. And watch that perfectionist streak. You'll never do anything if you only accept immediate perfection.
Badger : “Rather than an integrity of performance (as with Lion Secondaries, who must be themselves or wither), there is an integrity of method with Badger. Things must be earned. Interactions and achievements must be fair.”→  I do want to earn my success. But when it comes to decisions that have an impact on people, I wouldn’t mind using manipulation and lies. If, for example, the only way to legalize abortion at some point in one’s country was to threatened anti-abortion voters to make them change their votes, I would do it, because first I don’t mind if they got scared and most of all, because the stakes are too high.
Kind of an interesting way to end, okay. And let's unpack this.
First off, it's definitely not a Badger answer. A Badger would say that a victory built on an unstable foundation, like a foundation of fear, of propaganda, of misinformation, is never going to be a *lasting* victory. But Badgers generally take longer to get where they're going, and sometimes you *do* need something to happen *now* or someone's going to die, which is pretty much the only place threats of violence have. I mean, fear is just a bad motivator. It's that whole consensual behavior thing. If you only do something because you're afraid of what will happen to you if you don't, then you just get resentful and better at hiding.
You also like these hypothetical power fantasies. "If the only way to legalize abortion was to blackmail/exhort/threaten the friends and family of the people behind an anti-abortion bill, would you do it?" It's a fun philosophical question in a trolley problem kind of way, but practically - that's never going to be the case because the world isn't that simple. I get that you're young, I get that you feel powerless, I get that the idea of scaring these people that say things that scare you feels good. But I get protective of young firebrand Lion primaries, because we *do* need you, and I *don't* want you to burn yourself out. OR hit that "Everyone not with me is an enemy" mindset, which just narrows down choices and possibilities.
Stay strong. Find some good friends. Don't let your mom's boyfriend give you a hard time. You're going to be okay.
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misku-nimfa · 1 year
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How would a Lion primary/burned lion secondary manifest? I read descriptions and I think this fits best for me, it wasn’t sure what the combination would look like rather than just the individual attributes. Hope you’re having an awesome day! (@badbadbucky)
@badbadbucky
I'm sorry, but there really isn't a good description that I can give you.
Externally, just about everyone is going to see the Burned Secondary and nothing else. Depending on how Burned your Secondary is they might get glimpses of what's underneath the char, but without the ability to reliably act your Primary will be indecipherable from the outside.
My personal internal experience, it felt like hitting an invisible wall over and over. Knowing what I need to do, how I need to do it, why I need to do it, and then getting nothing done. How much of that can be generalized and how much is specific to my own experience is up in the air.
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cometcats-fr · 6 months
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His name is Knife, let him into your house and home
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katimorton · 4 months
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Can you be too compassionate? Can we wear ourselves out by being too compassionate and struggle with emotional burnout? I've been seeing more people talk about compassion fatigue, and to be honest I can find myself also struggling with it - leaving me feeling burnt out, emotionally empty and exhausted. There is such a thing as compassion fatigue. So what is compassion fatigue? Compassion fatigue is the cost of caring for others or for their emotional pain, resulting from the desire to help relieve the suffering of others. It is also known as vicarious or secondary trauma, referencing the way that other people's trauma can become our own. How can compassion fatigue effect us outside of being emotionally exhausted or experiencing burnout? Let's talk through the signs and symptoms but also what to do if you struggle with compassion fatigue.
Learn more about attachment styles and how to build healthy attachment in your relationships: https://katimorton.com/the-shop/p/attachment-workshop Or discover all of my workshops here: https://katimorton.com/the-shop
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strawbeii · 2 months
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aspiringnexu · 2 years
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We all have our wants and theories for season 2 but I really hope one of the main subplots is Sauron just being a pain in Adar’s arse and he isn’t even trying.
And for a good portion of the season Sauron doesn’t bother to reveal his identity so Adar is left completely baffled as to how this random human is so effortlessly defeating the orcs and setting up shop.
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chipjrwibignaturals · 8 months
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yes im a wizard101 fan no i don’t pay attention to the story no im also not hardcore at the gameplay either. i don’t know what im doing
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josukespimphand · 2 years
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Are you still alive?
I’m hanging in there
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dangerdazee · 21 days
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I’m not a heavy shipper either.
I ship bomika *(danger force)*, mafuemu *(project sekai)* and hensper *(henry danger)* and that’s basically it. 😂
there are a few very few ships i really get into. otherwise im just like... yeah I don't get it lol
idc if other people enjoy shipping as long as they aren't rude and aggressive abt it yknow
but it's definitely weird to be in a fandom that's really ship-focused as someone who isn't ship-focused at all 😭
hensper is 10/10 though. that's one that i get. bc if NOTHING else jasper IS in love and that's the honest truth !!
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reds-burrow · 2 years
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hello. I have a thought that I would like to share bc idk if it makes any sense of not. "Do it scared" is a phrase which could help anyone, but to me it seems to be particularly geared toward a particular kind of burnt Lion sec? The burnt Lion sec who's burnt bc they're afraid of being direct and themselves bc of reasons (such as being afraid of not being liked). Does this seem solid to you?? Or is it just me projecting? Is this a potential way for (MP?) Lion secs to go about unburning?
As you said, this is something that can help anyone. Burning happens when people lose trust in themself, whether it's in their ability to make sound choices or that their way of problem solving is "right." Fear, particularly persisting fear and anxiety, are common causes of burning, so finding the strength to push through the fear to do something anyway can benefit any Secondary or Primary. If someone can consistently do something in spite of fear, then that can help build confidence and trust in oneself again, a key part of the unburning process.
If you're drawing strength from this idea, I do not want to diminish that, but I've told myself something very similar when my social anxiety starts getting in my way. And I am definitely not a Lion Secondary nor even a Solid Secondary. I'm glad you've found something that works for you, I just don't think it's specific to any one particular sorting.
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wisteria-lodge · 1 year
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badger secondary + burnt lion secondary (fun bird model) (healthy bookeeper badger model) (unhealthy courtier badger model)
Hey, there! So, I've known my primary for a while now (Badger Primary) but I've been a little bit all over the place with my secondary. Was hopin' for a little help.
The one I'm positive I'm not is a Lion Secondary. I have a Double Lion best friend, and I could NEVER be as blunt as she is, and I'd never tell her this, but I honestly wouldn't want to. Lol! Being honest is an incredibly important thing to be, but there's a difference, at least in my mind, between honesty and saying the first thing that comes to your mind without letting it go through at least a little editing first.
Gotta keep the intended audience in mind.
Yeah, not sounding like a Lion secondary. And I'm kind of thinking Deliberate secondary for you (Bird or Snake.) What you're doing doesn't actually seem *automatic.*
For Bird, there's a possibility. I'm seen as very anxious, and I find new situations pretty stressful.
I mean, anyone can be anxious... and especially if it's a VERY new situation - that can be a lot for anybody.
I love collecting knowledge, and I always have an assortment of fun facts at hand that I've tirelessly collected over the years. It's a fun thing for me, and I enjoy doing it. I was also seen as very "intellectual" in school (which I know is not a requirement for being a Bird or a clear indication of being one, but I figured I'd mention it.) Loved school and loved learning, and I still love learning in my adulthood.
The issue is that, when the chips are down, and it's actually time to solve a problem, I tend to just kinda freeze mentally. The way Bird Secondaries are described, it's like, when a problem happens, they pull on a tool they've created for the situation, and then BOOM, they're using it to handle it.
Birds are good at retrofitting old tools to new situations, it's true. But I don't think I talk enough about what happens when a Bird just... comes up with nothing. And I think the answer is they start looking like a Lion secondary, kind of flailing around.
(I also think that *young* Bird secondaries have a way of looking kind of like Lions, because they haven't had an opportunity to build their tools yet.)
When bad things happen, my mind goes blank. I just kinda start doing stuff, anything. Sure, I might remember something important, like some specific training, but for the most part, my brain goes blank and I go into autopilot.
I don't know *how* bad we're talking here. But if you're in full on SURVIVAL mode, this is where the fight/flight/freeze/fawn kicks in. The reason training gets drilled in like that is so it *stays* when your brain isn't working. I've always found that the really intense stuff feels very quiet, and very dreamlike in the moment, and the emotions don't kick in until later. But the point is... that's not SHC stuff.
So far, you read as someone with a fun Bird model that you love, but your problem-solving is probably coming from somewhere else. (Or possibly it's Burnt...)
For Badger Secondary, I think that's the secondary I wish I could be, but I don't think I am. I have ADHD, so being meticulous and thoughtful are just... absolutely exhausting to me.
It might look a little different, but you can 100% be a Badger secondary with ADHD.
I was raised in a family that really pushed always being a Badger Secondary, forget about yourself, help others, others' problems are more pressing than your own.
Oooh that's not a Badger secondary family. What you're describing here is an Exploded Badger primary culture. And if you're a Badger primary yourself... I bet that got confusing.
(100% your family might have ALSO have required Badger secondaries from everyone, I would think that's likely. So I'll keep that in mind.)
Part of me didn't believe it, but much of me still does. I like to help, I want to help, but I'm also Badger Primary, which can feed that want. Secondary is about what you naturally do to serve what you want, and I'm not sure if Badger Secondary is right. But, I do try to be there for people. My natural instinct when someone is in danger is to protect and comfort them, I'm very focused on the mental/emotional state of the victim more than anything else.
Gee, you write like you're a rescue worker or a firefighter. (And a Badger primary.)
When in any kind of conflict at work, I want to soothe them, to calm them down, and I try to become what I think they might want me to be to help them calm down, but it doesn't always work. Part of me also always wants to tell those people fuck it, you caused your own problem, you're on your fucking own. Lol. And it would feel good to tell them that. I wish more tough love was accepted in the world, generally. I would feel like I could breathe more.
Okay, there's a lot going on here. You "become what I think they might want me to be" which is - Deliberate. And more Snake than Bird, because of the whole one-face-per-person thing. (It not working all the time is neither here nor there, you're human, you'll make the wrong call sometimes.)
But... you like the idea of a more tough-love Lion secondary approach. "I would feel like I could breathe more." And there's something about the Badger secondary that you like... maybe it's that "No, you move" energy.
As for Snake Secondary... this one might be it. Only problem is... I kind of don't want it to be? I know there's a whole thing about not letting go stereotypes get in the way, but I want to be the person I pretend to be, I guess. I want to be a Badger Secondary, but I'm afraid I'm a Snake Secondary because, from experience, people do not like you when you behave the way you truly want to. They shun you.
"Behave the way you truly want to."
Okay, let's unpack that.
The face-changing guys (Snake and Bird) want to be behave that way. They are authentic, in that their face-changing is consensual. Same thing with a Courtier Badger, with the caveat that their face-changing isn't as much of a deliberate choice. But it's still something that they want to do.
They can all run into situation where their face-changing is forced on them (becomes non-consensual) and is therefore inauthentic. This is a separate issue from the Lion secondary "eh, I'm going to rub some people the wrong way just by existing, comes with the territory, whatever." And I don't know which one is you.
If I wanna speak more "bluntly," not like my friend, but just more plainly, feel more like ME and less like a persona, people find me too negative, too sarcastic, I speak for too long, or I'm somehow either too passionate or dispassionate and I'm never ENOUGH either way. The performance is tiring. I want to be free to be me, but the true me isn't particularly good at anything.
Oh you're Burnt. I'm so sorry.
Because what you are talking about here is neurodivergent masking. (Which is totally different from Snake masking, I'm sorry the words are the same, I know it's confusing.)
'Too negative' shows up when you don't know if a comment is appropriate to the conversation or not. 'Too sarcastic' happens when you make a joke that doesn't land. 'Speaking for too long' - hyperfixations. 'Too passionate' - probably hypersensitivity. 'Too dispassionate' - possibly a flat affect, or a tendency to shut down.
Now I do not diagnose people here. That is impossible and unethical. But I can say that it sounds like you're masking all the time and that is exhausting. Especially especially for a Badger primary who needs communities they feel safe in, basically to exist.
I promise, I promise, I promise that there are communities out there where you can take off the mask.
I try to be who people want me to be, I try to be the puzzle piece that fits best in the world's puzzle, and I fail at that. I'm never quite what they're looking for.
It sounds like you're desperately trying to model Courtier Badger secondary, and it's hurting you.
Too clumsy, too forgetful, too focused on unimportant things, and I ultimately can't keep up the facade, the cracks begin to show that I'm a fraud and this put-together, organized person is absolutely NOT who I am, and I am shunned.
So you've built yourself a Bookkeeper Badger model. In order to keep your life organized. Good. But then you're guilty and like, sort of imposter-syndrome about the fact that this isn't your entire personality, that this isn't *enough*
Then, I try to be myself. More funny, more sarcastic, slightly more blunt, just slightly, just enough to reveal the passionate and opinionated person I am underneath. I woukd never want to actually hurt anyone's feelings, but I have to air out the things I truly feel every once in a while. I have to be me.
Sorry to break it to you, but you're a lion secondary. And you're plenty likable.
But, at least in some circles, I scare people away. Like it's sudden whiplash in the differences between my two personalities. Those I meet while trying to be my put-together persona are usually really turned off by the more real, true me. They usually don't get me, think my interests are weird, or that I'm just too intense (hearing Angelica Schuyler describe herself in Hamilton the first time... I'd never felt more seen by a character in something EVER. Some men say that I'm intense or I'm insane. Lol!)
Angelica's a pretty loud Lion secondary.
Now, I know to some degree it's my own Lion primary talking, but I read this and think "that sounds like a them problem." I know that having a Badger primary is going to make thinking that way harder, and having an Exploded Badger family culture is going to make it even harder than that.
But, I don't know what to tell you. You sound fun to hang out with. And there's a reason Badger Lion is the Protagonist sorting, and the Starfleet Officer sorting. People *like* them.
Well, anyway, that was a long winded way to ask for some help. Lol! Were you able to pick up on any clues? Thanks so much if you even attempted to read this! Lol.
Always with the Burnt secondaries and the apologies....
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misku-nimfa · 1 year
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I feel like i'm showing my whole ass here and that this is pretty obvious. But. I fantasize about having an audience to my art and some level of wealth through those efforts. Not anything super crazy, but enough so i could live comfortably away from my abusive family. And also so I could feel like the skills I have are put to use and appreciated!
First, I hope that you get away from your family. Life is hard enough without people making it worse.
As for your sorting, I'm mostly getting that you are very burned and want to be able to unburn. If you safely can, I would suggest taking a moment to be gentle with yourself. You are enduring an extremely difficult situation and that can make it hard to appreciate what you are accomplishing.
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foone · 1 year
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I see a lot of people joking about the adhd thing of "I have a appointment/phone call at 3pm, guess I won't do anything all day!"
But no one seems to make the connection that it's a time blindness thing. One of the symptoms of ADHD is not having a good and accurate sense of time. And not doing stuff prior to an event with a hard deadline is an obvious coping mechanism for that.
Can I go to the store? It's 10am and the appointment is at 3pm. How long does going to the store take? An hour? Three hours? Five hours? I DON'T KNOW!
I get anxious trying to do things before appointments because I'm aware that I don't know how long those things take, and that if I think I do, I may be very wrong. Too often I've been like "hey I can walk to the corner store and grab a drink, that'll take like 15 minutes!" and then an hour later I get back and whoops my rice has burnt.
Plus there's also the fact that ADHD people know that motivation and focus is a two-edged sword.
Like, let's say you decide to play a video game. You've got time, you can pause/save whenever, so this should be a perfect fit to make good use of your waiting-time. So you start playing and WHOOPS you get really focused for some reason today (because people with ADHD do not get to pick when their brain decides to focus) and the next time you look at the clock it's 2:49 and you haven't showered or dressed and the appointment is 30 minutes away. Fuck. (you could have set an alarm, but now you're asking people with the forgetting-things-and-time-ignoring condition to remember it set alarms)
And with motivation, it can be almost worse. Instead of playing a game, you so something useful or creative. You clean your room or fix your plumbing or write a story or draw a picture. And suddenly it's great. Your brain is firing on all cylinders. You've got all the motivation you can ask for, and you are FLYING. the ideas are brilliant, your hands are nimble, you're getting stuff done you've been putting off for weeks or months. And then the alarm goes off. Time to go to your appointment. Fuck.
You drive there, your brain still full of ideas and plans. But by the time you get back, the motivation is gone. You may still have the ideas but you don't have the drive to write them down. You can't force yourself to do it. Your sink is still in pieces. Your room is half-cleaned, and you have to shove all the sorted clothes into one big bin just so you have somewhere to sleep. You've left things half finished again, in a cycle that has been repeating your whole fucking life. It seems sometimes that nothing ever gets finished.
So next time you don't even start. There's not time. You've been burnt too many times. Why add another half-completed project to your pile of shame?
My point is that people seem to be going "lol I can't do anything all day if I have an appointment at 3pm" like this is a quirky "oh I'm so scatterbrained!" weirdness they alone have, and not a major complication of a disabling mental illness.
(and that's not even getting into the secondary effects. If you know that having an appointment ruins your whole damn day, you're going to avoid them. Even when it's things like "going to that party" or "meeting your friends for a drink/game" or "going to a movie with that cute girl from your math class". Things you should enjoy. Things that'd help you be social. Things that make you feel human.)
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alexanderreynard · 1 year
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Why are there so many good fantasy stories out there and people only talk about like three of them?
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alisonwritesimagines · 8 months
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Please Don't Be In Love With Someone Else ~LA!Shanks x Reader x LA!Mihawk Imagine~
Summary: You keep waiting for Shanks. But someone new comes along and suddenly, you're not so lonely.
Author’s Note: You read the title correctly. I'm evilly laughing right now as you read this in pain. Also, this is technically a rewrite of the angst ending cause the one I wrote and in my drafts is more fluff than angst.
Angst Ending to I Was Enchanted to Meet You
Reader’s Pronouns: She/Her
Warnings: angst, fluff, but angst to all you Shanks lovers
Side Note: This is a secondary blog. If you comment a question down below, I will not answer since this is not the main blog. Please send the question to my inbox if you want a response back!
Do not repost this anywhere!
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It had been years since you last saw Shanks. And it's been a year since you last saw Luffy. Ever since he was old enough to sail off in the world to find the One Piece to become King of the Pirates, you had been by yourself since. Of course you did a lot for your small village to keep you occupied but you still missed your boys.
You were tending to your garden as it was time for you to harvest before it became spoiled and over grown. That was until you heard someone say something behind you.
“You don’t seem like someone who can harm a fly."
You turned around to see the warlord Dracule Mihawk standing before you. You stood up straight to seemed less intimidated.
“I can hurt a fly. Don’t think I’m good at harming anyone else,” you tell him as you crossed your arms.
“I see.”
“I know who you are so what do you want?” You asked.
“I was sent to kill you but in all honesty, I don’t think I can kill you. You’re too beautiful to be killed,” he tells you.
“Who sent you to kill me?” You asked, now worried. You’ve stayed in the island since you were born. Not only that, you stayed even when Luffy left.
“Not to worry now. I don't have any intentions to kill you," he tells you.
"Then what are you still doing here?"
"I'm curious to see why someone would send me to go after you."
"Feel free to stay. Just to tell you, it's going to be quite boring," you tell him.
Mihawk stayed around the next day to watch over you. He didn't understand why Vice Admiral Garp would want a warlord like him to kill a sweet little thing like yourself. You did nothing of the sort that would be considered dangerous or even pirate bounty level dangerous.
"Ow!" You yelled as you accidently burnt yourself with the pan.
"What happened? What's wrong?" Mihawk asked you as he rushed inside your home.
"Just burned myself," you tell him.
Mihawk quickly grabbed your bucket of water before gently putting your finger in the cool liquid.
"Thanks," you tell him.
"Of course."
"I made extras if you'd like. I got used to cooking for two," you tell him.
"Was it for you and your past lover?" Mihawk asked you.
"Not really surprisingly. I used to take care of a little boy who used to live with me who had a bottomless stomach. He wanted to become a pirate so he set sail a year ago," you tell him.
"I see."
"So, dinner?"
"Why not."
Mihawk stayed for a couple more weeks before he needed to back out to sea. You stood on the deck as you watched Mihawk get ready to leave.
"So I guess this is farewell?" You asked him.
"For now. I will be back in a month at most," he tells you.
"To finish me off and claim your berry?" You asked.
"No. To come see you again," Mihawk said before sailing off. You shook your head at him before walking back to your home.
You assumed Mihawk was lying or joking when he said he was coming back to see you. But to your surprise, you opened your door to see him standing before you.
"Brought you some new seeds for you to grow in your garden," Mihawk tells you.
"I'm guessing you're staying for dinner?" You asked with a small smile.
"If you'd have me," Mihawk said. You nodded before letting him inside your house.
-
As much as you didn't want to admit, you fell for Mihawk. Even though part of you hoped for Shanks to come back, you appreciated the fact that no matter how long Mihawk was gone for or even if he was wounded badly, he came back to you. Even though Shanks would come back to you, he hasn't for years.
"Will you be mine?" Mihawk asked you one night. After a midnight stroll, you both headed back to your home. Mihawk stopped you from walking inside by holding your hand.
"What?" You asked in shock.
"Be mine. I've fallen for you Y/n. And I swear to you, I would never let anything happen to you," Mihawk tells you.
"Alright. I'll be yours," you tell him. Mihawk gave you a small smile before pulling you towards him.
"May I kiss you?" Mihawk asked you.
"Yes."
Mihawk cupped your cheek with his hand before leaning in to kiss you.
-
Shanks rushed over to your home after being away for so many years. He was excited to tell you his adventures and was looking forward to seeing you once again. He knocked on your door, his heart pounding in excitement.
Instead of seeing you, he saw someone else open the door. His smile faltered as he stared at the stranger in front of him.
"May I help you?" The stranger asked him.
"My apologies. I was hoping to find Y/n L/n? The woman who lived here?" Shanks asked.
"Oh. I'm sorry. She's been gone for quite sometime. She left the village I want to say two years ago? Her and her husband moved to another island."
"Her husband?"
"Yes. I'm surprised she married a warlord but he had been kind to the village whenever he was here," the stranger pointed out.
"Do you happened to know her husband's name?"
"I believe it was Dracule Mihawk."
Shanks made it to Mihawk's castle where he knew you would be at. After demanding to see you, Mihawk came out to talk to him.
"You should know my wife is resting," Mihawk tells him.
"You took her from me," Shanks angrily tell him.
"I didn't take her from anyone. When I met her, she was alone," Mihawk informs him.
"She never told you about me?" Shanks asked.
"No she has. I just never told her that I knew you."
"Please. Let me see her!" Shanks asked.
"Let me see if she's well enough to move," Mihawk said.
"Is she sick?" Shanks asked.
"Not entirely."
Shanks waited anxiously for you to come down. His eyes widen when he saw Mihawk helping you down. Your stomach was large but he knew that it was because you were pregnant. And what's worse was that it wasn't Shanks's child you were carrying. It was Mihawk's child.
"Shanks?" You asked in shock.
"Hi, Y/n."
-
You sat in the garden with Shanks alone so you two could talk. Shanks stared at you, admiring your beauty once more. While you thought you were alone, Shanks knew that Mihawk was watching nearby.
“Are you happy my love?” Shanks asked you as he held your hand.
“I am. Hawk Eye makes me happy,” you tell him with a small smile.
“I’m happy that you’re happy.”
“I did wait for you Shanks. I really did. But I feared that if I waited any longer, I’d be too old for you,” you tell him with a frown.
“You could never be too old for me. You could have white hair and many wrinkles and I’d still think you’re the most beautiful woman in the world,” Shanks tells you. You smiled at him before tearing up.
“I loved you Shanks. And I’m sorry I didn’t wait for you longer."
“Don’t apologize my love. I’m sorry I didn’t come back to you sooner,” Shanks said. You nodded before taking off your makeshift necklace that held the ring Shanks gave to you. You handed it over to Shanks before kissing his cheek.
“I hope life treats you well and I hope you find a woman who will love you endlessly as much as I did,” you tell him.
“And if Hawk Eyes dares to lay a hand on you, come find me. I’ll protect you.”
“I know you will."
"So this is goodbye then huh?" Shanks asked you.
"If you find Luffy, tell him I miss him and love him dearly. And that, he's more than welcome to visit me or find me whenever he wants," you tell him. After all, Luffy was yours and Shanks's unofficial son and you two were his unofficial parents.
"Goodbye, Shanks,” you tell him before giving him a kiss on the cheek once more.
“Goodbye, my love.”
You sat on the couch in your lounge room waiting for your son to arrive with his new fiancée. Twenty five years had gone by and you had lived your life. Dracule sat next to you as you both waited for your son to come home. Now that your husband has retired from being a pirate, he had spent his time with you while your children explored the world.
“I wonder what she’ll be like,” you tell your husband.
“I trust his judgement. After all, I chose well didn’t I?” Dracule joked.
“You most certainly did,” you smiled.
“Mom! Dad! I’m home!” You heard your son say.
“Over here!” You called from where you were.
You smiled at your son the moment he walked in but your eyes widen from the sight of the woman next to him. Not only did she have the exact same hair as Shanks, but she also had the same eyes as him. It was no doubt that she was Shanks's daughter.
“Mother. Father. This is my fiancée, May,” your son said proudly. You smiled at the woman before getting up from your chair to greet her.
“It’s nice to meet you, May,” you tell her.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you too, Mrs. Mihawk.”
“Please call me Y/n,” you tell her as you shook her hand. You noticed her necklace with a ring on it. It looked exactly like the one Shanks gave to you from years before.
“I like your necklace,” you say.
“Oh thank you. My father gave it to me. Said it was his prize possession,” she tells you. You felt your heart break a little from what she said.
“Will we be able to meet your parents soon?” You asked.
“Unfortunately no. My mother passed away from childbirth and my father passed away not too long ago,” she tells you. You frown from hearing that.
“I’m so sorry.”
“It’s alright. I’m really glad to have met your son,” May tells you. You smiled at her before giving her a hug.
“Well, I know my son will treat you well. And if he doesn’t, you tell me,” you tell her. May smiled at you before looking at your son.
At the end of the night, you stood outside on your balcony as you stared up at the stars.
Maybe this was the universe telling you that in another life, you and Shanks end up together. But you did wish he didn’t have to be gone so soon. You wished that he would’ve came back to you sooner and maybe you two could've had the future you two wanted together.
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