darlin', I'm just tryin' to tell ya
“You’re kidding,” Ravi mutters in the waiting room as Bobby discusses things with the vet tech and Buck holds this incredibly large mutt in his arms like a baby and Eddie looks at Buck like his world is imploding inwards. “Great. What do we do with Cancer Dog?”
“Ravi,” Hen hisses. “We are in public.”
ravi begins, or something
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When Ravi is 7 years old, he goes to the hospital for the first time.
He doesn’t remember it, later. It’s not one of those memories that stick after all the in and out and up and down and do the hokey pokey or what-fucking-ever. The first time he goes to the hospital, it’s because he broke his leg racing down the school-yard with his friends. It’s not because he has cancer.
The second time, he’s 11. His primary care physician tells his mother it’s growing pains. He prescribes Ravi a heating pack for when his knee aches too much.
The third time, he’s 12 years old and in so much pain he can’t even see straight. The third time, his younger sister watches him with wide, terrified eyes in the back of their Honda Civic and there’s no music playing. The third time, even though it feels like another bone break, the doctor gets his x-rays back, and then promptly books Ravi in for an MRI.
“We want to run some more tests,” she says, frowning slightly. “So that we can make a conclusive diagnosis.”
Ravi’s mother’s grip tightens on his shoulder, and she keeps glancing at her phone, waiting for his father to call. Ananya, all of 10, sits on a chair and plays Pokémon on Ravi’s silver Nintendo DS Lite, which is only okay because she never remembers to save the game. The doctor’s office is white, sterile, and there aren’t even any fun posters on the wall, which is Ravi’s first sign that everything’s about to go to shit.
“Conclusive diagnosis,” he repeats carefully, pushing up his glasses. He’s farsighted. “Why—I mean, what are you guys looking for?”
“Ravi,” his mom shushes before the doctor can lie or something. She doesn’t say it through gritted teeth like she might if he was being bothersome at the local HEB, which is Ravi’s second sign. “We’ll talk later, okay?”
He blinks, and then Ananya tells him that she caught a Flareon—“In the wild?”—and the doctor leaves and his dad calls and comes over and gives them a dollar each for the vending machine and Ravi forgets he’s in the hospital at all until they leave and it’s dark outside and the ache in his leg flares up again.
His dad, with his quiet face and hands in his pockets, doesn’t say anything that night when Ravi asks if they can turn the Air Conditioning down low so that he can sleep through the pain. “Amma gave me Advil,” he explains, at midnight, when his acchan catches him messing with the temperature. “But I still can’t sleep.”
“I’ll fix it,” his dad tells him. It’s late. Ravi doesn’t know why he’s still awake. “How much colder do you want it?”
“Cold,” he answers, rubbing at his face and praying that his dad can’t see the DS still flashing light underneath his pillow.
He wakes up to it freezing—ache in his leg just a dull throb. His dad doesn’t complain about the electricity bill the next day.
(That’s his third sign.)
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tags: @berthulf @henwilsons @hetrez @kissyboytroye @dispatchersdiaz @1stbonesfan @polargypsy @whyisshesoromantic @itsbuckactually @buckbegns @ravipanikar @fruitydiaz @dontknowwherethereis @bedhadakdiaz @theideaofhome @zaedabi @britishmysteries @lawyerlauren @moonn-liiight @diazcoded
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stay cool (it's just a kiss)
“So,” Chimney starts, trying to ease into it. “What do you think about Buck making out with a guy?”
or: Hen tells Chimney that Buck made out with the new firefighter. She just...doesn't clarify which one.
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Chimney thinks that maybe, just a little bit, he might possibly be missing something.
Hen tells him that Buck made out with the new firefighter at a bar, which, so Buck 1.0 of him but Chim can’t exactly say anything since this maybe the third time in so many years that he and Maddie have taken a break. And if he’s focusing on Buck’s complete mess of a love life in order not to focus on the awful stinging feeling that’s burning its way through his chest, then that’s his business.
Anyway, he’s not going to give Buck shit for cheating on Taylor Kelly. He doesn’t necessarily approve, but he also doesn’t think it’s his place to disapprove, right now. Not so soon after his hasty apology and Buck’s even more awkward forgiveness. They’re not at a place where Chimney can have an opinion even though his opinion is that the team is a mess. Eddie’s gone, and there’s a new firefighter/paramedic named Jonah, and so Buck went and cheated on his girlfriend.
“Buck made out with the new firefighter,” he repeats. “Huh. Can’t say I saw that coming.”
Hen fixes him with one of her patented glances, but she relents. “That’s fair,” she says finally. “I suppose you weren’t here to see all the,” she waves her hands in the air. “Spiraling.”
“Uh huh,” Chim agrees absentmindedly, because yeah, he doesn’t condone the cheating, but he thought Hen, of all people, would be a bit happier about this development. Not that anyone really thinks Buck is straight, but he’s never been so open about it before.
Honestly, despite the infidelity of it, Chimney’s a bit proud of him for making out with Jonah. Which sounds weird when he puts it in that order in his head, so he doesn’t say anything.
“Do you think he…” Chimney knows there are other things, more important things, like whether or not Bobby will give him his job back. “Like, do you think Buck likes them? Enough to break up with Taylor?”
Hen snorts. “I think there are a lot of people Buck likes more than Taylor Kelly,” she says, sipping her beer. “You’ll never guess what he bought her for Christmas.”
“Sex toy,” he answers immediately.
Hen makes a disgusted face at him. “No,” she enunciates clearly. “And please don’t—we’re all already scarred from the Bobby and Athena thing.”
Chim doesn’t know what the Bobby and Athena thing is, but he has this vague idea of Bobby buying Athena a sex toy for Christmas and then promptly wonders how soon he can book a lobotomy.
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tags: @berthulf @henwilsons @hetrez @kissyboytroye @dispatchersdiaz @1stbonesfan @polargypsy @whyisshesoromantic @itsbuckactually @buckbegns @himbodiaz @adamsparirsh @ravipanikar @fruitydiaz @dontknowwherethereis @bedhadakdiaz @theideaofhome @zaedabi @britishmysteries @lawyerlauren @moonn-liiight @sunshinediaz
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(Cover by me)
Chapter One
London
November 3rd
1881
Fog.
Lurking in low, thick clouds around the faces of the buildings that lined Brompton Road. Loitering in doorways, veiling windows. Chilling the feet of the men who walked the paving with crisp steps and bowed heads. Swirling around the black skirts of the ladies who reluctantly shut ringing shop doors behind them as they ventured out into the gloom. Parting like a ghostly river before the clatter of the hansom horse; hanging in a wake behind the driver’s battered top hat and cloaked shoulders. Stifling the throbbing orange street lamps beneath shrouds of cobweb.
She perched on the curb of the walkway, glancing up and down the broad street. As she paused, a disembodied bell in some nearby tower voiced five haunting, identical notes. She drew herself up, gripped her small, light bag tighter in her gloved hand. She held her breath, waiting for any clamor of a cab heading toward her through the wall of mist.
Nothing but a distant trundle of an omnibus. So she braced herself again, stepped off the curb, and onto the cobbles.
Her shoes clapped against the damp, slick stones as she lifted her skirt and picked up her pace. She fixed her gaze on the place where the far walkway should be, listening intently…
She hopped up onto the opposing curb, spun and faced the street.
She could not see the spot from whence she had just come. Biting the inside of her cheek, she turned to the left, and headed up the walk.
Each time she crossed a narrow street that turned left to abandon the main road, she counted it. She did not meet the eyes of any of the finely-dressed ladies or bowler-hatted gentlemen she passed, but set her mouth and walked quicker. Her skirts rustled with her swift movement, and she ignored the cold in her feet as she splashed through puddles.
Finally, She trotted out into the center of a little lane that wove off into the forest of buildings. She stared down the narrow passage, reflexively searched for a street sign…
Stopped herself, and attended to the lane again.
Darkness was falling, and shadows thickening. Ahead of her, a few street lamps burned like candles in a cavern, dripping measly pools of light down around their bases.
She started forward. Her footsteps rang louder here. She cast up and around her at what she could see of the clean facades of the houses—the neatly-painted doors, the trimmed windows...
Again, She counted. Knockers, this time. Squeezing the handle of her luggage.
…seven, eight, nine, ten…
Lamps glowed in several of the windows, like smudges against the frosty glass. Far ahead, she glimpsed a few other murky pedestrians, but none ventured down this way.
…twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three…
Her chest tensed, her pulse picking up as she quickened her pace…
She slowed, and stopped, letting out her tight breath in a cloud.
The twenty-sixth house, on her left.
The bricks distinguished it right away—deep red, almost brown—in sharp contrast to the pale houses on either side. This darker house seemed to resent even having to touch shoulders with the others—it was so severely narrow, and stretched up a full story taller than its neighbors. Ivy masked half its face. The fog prowled around the front steps of this house like an old, protective dog.
It bore one front window—tall, stately, and shuttered. To the left of it, the black door sullenly waited beneath a slight overhang. Three steps led up to this door, and before that, a walkway, flanked on either side by a tiny overgrown rectangular garden, reined in only by a black iron-wrought fence.
The windows of the second story, and likewise the third, had also been shuttered, and no light seeped out. Beyond, stretching up to the clouds, a square tower loomed. Upon first glance, the home seemed abandoned…
But with her next breath, She tasted the scent of cooking stew wafting from its chimney. And so she set her jaw, opened the front gate, and strode up the walkway. She felt the heat drain out of her face—climbed the stairs, reached up, grasped the brass knocker with her left hand and worked it sharply.
One. Two. Three.
Her fingers hung there for a moment, and then she dropped her arm. She listened, gaze anxiously flitting across the door, toward the front window…
Noises inside.
She swallowed, straightened up, and gripped her bag even harder.
The latch clacked. Hinges creaked. The door swung inward.
A tall, middle-aged man in a black butler’s suit stood just past the threshold. He had a thin mustache, oiled dark hair parted in the middle, and cold blue eyes. He lifted his chin, arched an eyebrow, and cast a glance up and down her whole form.
She swallowed again.
“Good day, madam,” he said—smooth, tenor and hard. “How may I help you?”
She took a breath. Her lips parted.
She closed her mouth. Her eyebrows drew together.
He frowned at her.
“Madam? How may I help you?”
She opened her mouth again. Shut it. Pain darted around in the back of her throat.
The butler’s mouth tightened.
“I’m sorry, we are not interested in any solicitations,” he told her, and began to shut the door.
Her heart banged against her breastbone. She lunged forward and shoved her toe against the bottom of the door. The door thudded against it.
“Madam!” the butler cried.
“Mr. Cutworth, what is going on?” came a woman’s voice from beyond him.
“Nothing at all, Mrs. Butterfield,” the butler replied curtly, twisting to see the woman inside, then turning back to give Her a glare. “I was just sending a button seller on her way.”
Her mouth opened again as her face heated. She clamped her jaw tight.
The next moment, a portly, gray-haired housekeeper with a frilled cap and flour-covered apron pulled the door aside and stepped up next to Mr. Cutworth. She had a stern mouth and flushed face, but bright brown eyes that captured Hers straightaway. Mrs. Butterfield gave Her a quick glance up and down—one that felt entirely different from Mr. Cutworth’s—and pulled the door open to its entirety.
“She is clearly not a button seller, Mr. Cutworth,” Mrs. Butterfield admonished sharply. “Has she told you her name?”
“Not a word,” Mr. Cutworth replied. “She seems entirely befuddled—must be a vagabond.”
“Has it occurred to you that she might have some defect, some impediment that prevents her from answering you?” Mrs. Butterfield inquired, putting a fist on her hip. “Perhaps she is deaf! Or perhaps she does not even speak English!”
Mr. Cutworth’s face colored.
“We have all manner and sort stopping by this door, Mr. Cutworth,” Mrs. Butterfield continued. “But in all my years, I have never happened upon a deaf, vagabond button-seller.”
The whole of Mr. Cutworth’s face turned completely red now. He straightened his waistcoat, and turned from the door.
“I will leave her in your capable hands, then,” he decided, and swiftly departed into the house. Mrs. Butterfield heaved a sigh, and turned back to Her.
“You’ll have to forgive us, Miss. We’ve newly hired a butler, and he isn’t accustomed to the sort of folk that usually arrive uninvited to Pendywick Place.”
In answer, She nodded quickly.
“Ah, so you can understand English!” Mrs. Butterfield smiled. “But you do have business with Mr. Collingwood, then?”
Again, She nodded quickly—even harder.
“Then come in, come in, before you catch your death.” Mrs. Butterfield stepped aside and beckoned to her. Quickly, She stepped across the threshold, and into the entryway. Mrs. Butterfield closed the door behind her with a resounding clap, then bustled past Her.
“Please wait right here while I announce you.”
She watched Mrs. Butterfield trundle across the pale beaten rug toward the other door at the far end. The housekeeper opened it, hurried through and shut it—
But it did not latch.
Biting her lip, She moved her bag to grasp it in both hands, and glanced around at the dark-wood entryway, lit by a single lamp to her left. On the right hand wall hung several long coats, three hats; and her attention caught on two very unusual walking sticks that waited next to the umbrella in the stand in the corner. They seemed to be made of rough-hewn blackthorn wood, polished till they shone.
Voices. Low, furtive.
Mrs. Butterfield’s first.
Then…
Another.
Holding her breath, She crept forward, hoping she would not make the floor creak beneath her shoes. She paused just a few feet from the door, leaning forward and listening…
“A woman? What kind of woman?”
A man’s voice. Like a rumble of thunder—yet precise as a scalpel.
“A young woman, sir,” came Mrs. Butterfield’s hushed answer. “I should say perhaps twenty-three.”
“Who is she?” that deep, penetrating voice again. A winter wind of a voice.
“She didn’t say, sir.”
“Didn’t or couldn’t?” he demanded.
“I don’t know, sir.”
“Well, what does she look like?” he pressed.
“Medium height; she’s wearing a red dress that’s in rather poor condition, a long black coat that was probably her mother’s, and a blue straw hat,” Mrs. Butterfield told him. “She’s got a pretty face, black eyes. Although I must say she looks a deal too pale, and a bit on the thin side. Very black hair, too. Only one piece of small luggage.”
“You don’t know her?”
“Never seen her before in my life, sir,” she said.
The man let out a labored sigh.
“Very well, then, show her in. I’ve had about enough of Milton for this half of my lifetime, anyhow.”
The door suddenly swung open. She jumped back as Mrs. Butterfield stuck her head around and smiled at her.
“Do come in.”
She nodded, trying not to shiver, and stepped past Mrs. Butterfield.
“May I present Mr. Basil Collingwood,” Mrs. Butterfield announced. Then, the housekeeper curtsied, and bustled off through a doorway to the left, leaving Her alone.
The dusty scent of books filled Her nose and throat. Frowning, she cast a glance through the well-lit, backward-L-shaped room. Off to her far right and nearly behind her, three armchairs crowded with pillows cornered a low, knick-knack-laden fireplace and mantel, forming a small, cluttered parlor; ahead of her and to the right stood a chestnut-colored piano buried beneath stacks of books and papers. Beyond that waited a desk laden with a shiny typewriter, glowing lamp, more books, several pens, a few portraits, and a pile of blank paper. All the walls round about were composed of shelves, crammed floor to ceiling with all sizes of books. Everything was lit by a chandelier that hung over the desk, as well as lamps on iron sconces that clung to the corners of the bookshelves.
Directly in front of her, a red-carpeted staircase marched straight up and away, then abruptly turned to the right and vanished into the next story. The wall this created before her also cradled a wide, thick bookshelf…
Her fingers slackened on her baggage, and she stared.
A young man sat on top of this bookshelf.
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