#both these men are depressed but like fuck mental disorders i guess

[mermaidsirennikita]

Haven't seen Malcolm's list yet (though I plan to) but as someone who watched QC I feel like even season 2 of Bridgerton failed when it came to better research and SCREENTIME for the Sharmas. QC has some really blatant issues that I wish they hadn't put in (or explored in the way they did re: Danbury's marriage), and the real-but-actually-fake monarchy backdrop further adds to the confusion, but its one "strength" of sorts was that it was tighter than Bton season 2 in terms of side plots. The side plots make even less sense to me now because you could not pay me to explain to someone what the point of Benedict's art school thing was, or the poorly done Eloise one, or the Featheringtons. I feel like this can even be traced back to season 1 because aside from all the blatant problems, Simon felt like he was sidelined in the last episode and I don't know how to explain why, other than to give significance to Daphne 'understanding' him? Anyway, thanks for the Tom Jones rec

I ended up watching QC with a friend through venues that are comfortable to me. And I’ll be honest, I thought it was kind of complete dog shit and I don’t really get the praise and passes it’s been receiving. Obviously everyone is free to like and dislike what they wish. But….

—the pure manner in which Lady D’s husband is portrayed. Darkest skinned person on the show, and much like Simon’s father, he’s not only a horrible person but depicted as grotesque. She doesn’t want to huge his “giant babies”, they give the actor (who’s a handsome guy irl) fake teeth and weird makeup to make his skin look ashy. He flaps around desperate for white approval when he’s not raping his wife (the darkest skinned woman in the show) in a manner the show plays as comical. Then he dies trying to rape her again. Wow.

—both black female leads end up essentially alone and they hate their kids and are depicted as cold mothers. But hey, they’re strong and dignified TM so who needs love? Not them! I know everyone was laughing at the way Charlotte skimmed over her son sobbing about his dead daughter but it seemed to me a stark contrast to sweet mom Violet who’s just so horny right after her son goes on his honeymoon

—they did an entire episode going over things we’d already seen, but this time with FARMER GEORGE TM torture porn. I found the depiction of his mental illness both laughably under-researched (some theories re: George in real life surround him suffering from bipolar disorder… speaking as someone who has that, actually, I can tell you the show’s version doesn’t have any kind of bipolar disorder I recognize; his symptoms are basically what the plot requires).

—homeboy was barely present in the back half; romance show? What romance show?

—the much promoted gay love story ends in one party alone and the other either gone or dead for no reason

—why did anyone love each other? They would speak a few random sentences and then trope trope trope it’s fine you know what we need? More Danbury rape

I’ll be real, I didn’t see a tighter show. A tighter show would’ve cut the entire present day storyline, which did nothing, and everything to do with Violet (but I guess we needed a white woman to bemoan her horniness to Lady Danbury who’s Beyond That Now).

I don’t have a really great opinion of either of the previous seasons, but they for sure had better leading men (I am begging people to stop comparing Farmer George to Nick Hoult) and at least they weren’t incredibly depressing and quite as rape heavy. Season 1 did have a pivotal rape, but it didn’t have like…. Five comical rapes.

Mr. Malcolm’s List and Tom Jones walk circles around this franchise. Fuck, so did season 1 of Sanditon.

#not gonna tag bc i don’t need that in my life rn #the best part was when lady d the hottest woman on the show fucked the boringest man ever #while wearing a Burger King hat #not bc it was like good but bc I laughed very hard #again people can enjoy what they wish but i just really don't understand the response here #i kind of regret watching it but if i'm gonna dislike something i'm gonna watch it first to see if like... #i'm right #and sometimes i've been pleasantly surprised--i thought i'd hate MML

[thisdogpaystaxes]

i work really hard and i can't win. i'm doing really bad at work learning my new position that i busted my ass to get and i feel so dumb and i can't even try to talk about it bc i cry bc i'm so sensitive to it bc i really want this and i want a good work life balance but i can't have that if works not computing. i haven't been able to work properly in months and it's bc i haven't been taking my adderall.

i transfer for my new job on monday. I DONT HAVE A CAR! my fucking car is still broken and being worked on. i've poured my savings into this car, my savings that i'm trying to use for school. the one thing i care for most. school. my fucking little dumb seemingly unattainable dream of being a therapist :D how am i gonna get to work bro.

i start grad school in three weeks and i'm so scared. every time i try to get mroe familiarized i'm interrupted by some shit. it's so expensive and i fear nothing will click bc nothing is at work. i'm scared that if it does click, i'll still struggle because i'm working 40 hours and i don't know what i'm even doing. i feel like i'm pouring money into the one thing i want most and i'm gonna fuck it up!!!! this is all i want!!! i just want to be a therapist so fucking bad but there's road blocks!!!

i know i need to be patient and grind for what i want but i'm gonna fuck it up! BC GUESS WHAT THERES MORE

my cyclothymia is doing its thing and i'm really sad and depressed and unmotivated and i can't feel properly. i've been with this guy for a few months and he's awesome. he treats me perfectly, he takes care of me, he gets along with my family- and is also a lot older than i am. but that's not the problem. i just can't do a relationship and ** ***** high key like things just haven't been the same i just randomly stopped feeling the same way about him but he's so in love with me and i thought i felt the same but then i saw my friend and her partner and it made me realize i'm not :) i know what i'm like when i'm in love and immm jsut not. or maybe it's different but he's not the one i don't think and now i'm like oh

but is that me talking or my incapability of feeling that rn bc i'm depressed. i'm also convinced i just won't find romantic love in this life and i've been saying that bc of the love i have for my friend sis honestly enough.

i love my girl friends though like i literally can't get enough of them and they are why i'm alive. they're my favorite people ever!

i would like to add that my body is ruined. it is upsetting. bc even if i make it i will die young. my hips are so fucked i can barely walk. i keep getting infections. and candida overgrowth in multiple ways. and my brain is rotten. my hands keep cramping and having trouble moving bc my bones r fucked. which is giving me tendinitis. i have an eating disorder so i either binge or starve. bc i don't feel hungry just sick if it's even that. and i drink a lot!

but at least i'm trying right.

and like i'm so capable of dealing with other peoples problems like i have a lot of chaos but i really can and that's why i want to be a therapist bc like fuck let me help you!!!

but things just keep happening. and people in my life keep needing me at times when i just need to be alone and detox and try to be okay. my soul is being torn apart by the limbs. all of these things i just talked about are happening consistently one after another, where the physical deterioration is sprinkled between the life situations. and it sucks. things won't stop happening i just want peace so bad like a day of no physical pain or mental anguish bc im in a rough fucking spot and it's just exhausting

this is me trying. i'm trying i'm trying i'm trying like i'm doing my fucking best but i csnt stay awake bc of my brain and my body both being so injured. and i keep hurting the people around me, not all but yeah the men. always hurting men. not my kiggs though he's my angel baby. they don't deserve it, im just destroyed!

[budugaapologist]

when you are reading this rant take full offense its 2am here and im mad as hell

fair warning this post is long as fuck and has several arguments pertaining to specific peeves i need to rant about before i go crazy. if you're not interested just keep scrolling it's not hard it's literally the core of social media navigation

you know what? ima say it.

black flag is the best ac game and deserves more recognition than just pirate drinking jokes because:

nearly every named character (sorry burgess and cockram) has development and personalities. cant say that for that many others in other games.

not too much fucking shit to do in it (unlike uhhhhhhhh every fucking other game in the franchise. stop it. i dont need 500 treasure chests in arno's game he already has an excellent revenue with the cafe. i dont need a ton of side quests. i dont need 30+ chests per london burough. i dont need a million question marks on my map. i dont need all of egypt or greece to be littered with shit to do. fuck this.).

unlocking shit is so much easier. edward knows where every treasure chest is and doesnt pay for treasure maps. and literally unlocking shit is so much easier.

base is slept on. its fucking cool. its fucking fun. its fucking useful as shit. its fucking pretty as all hell. fuck you.

good story, fun story, great dlc, relatable story (unless youre some bootlicking cowardly rich cunt) emotional story but not depressing (unity im looking at your ending. origins stop killing children.), satisfying end.

i can do the combat with one hand. you know what that means? i can eat and drink without pausing. i can reply to text messages without pausing. i can pet my dogs and cats while playing.

main character actually has changed by the end of the game a vast amount. motherfucker, edward changed more in his antó mission than ezio did in his trilogy.

if you dont complete all objectives you still have a passing score on the mission. do you know what its like to be raised to only get good grades on stuff and see yourself getting a 60% on a thing thats supposed to be a pass time just because you forgot something.

the naval combat isnt hard you just need practice. also i know the hunter ship sucks in the first mission you encounter but literally drop your sails but hold the wheel. once its in view let go. swim to it. take out the crew. swim back. bada bing bada boom go oneshot the crew. incredible, you're safe now.

legendary ship battles are really fucking cool and my mom doesnt yell at me for killing a giant beast for next to nothing.

the sea shanties and tavern songs slap.

farm animal petting simulator. not forced to kill dogs (ac3, odyssey).

obviously its good if the other games are just gonna copy paste it.

ed's tattoos are sick.

edward is literally the first canon bisexual. he literally says so in game. he literally fucking flirts with blackbeard. he literally was a pirate. why the fuck do you think birate is such an accurate pun.

diving outfit.

thicc.

the female characters dont have titties all over the place. even anne's boobs arent that big, which is good considering she is underage. the same cannot be said for many of the women in ezio's games.

guess who has a solid, interesting, and realistic personality. not kassandra or alexios thats for sure.

he is NOT moved by man pain (ezio, connor, bayek) to carry out his missions. he didn't want to be poor, he wanted to be able to provide for his family. he is just carrying out his dream to sail a ship. when he starts being "good", he is doing it out of guilt and shame on his past self (what, self reflection? someone, teach jacob this term), not because "wahh my girlfriend/mom/child/family died :'(", he wanted to make it up to his lost friends by making them proud and doing what they wished he had done. his regrets are in not being a better friend while mary was alive, not seeking out her killers (guards at fort). thatch's death crushed him, but he didn't thrust his anger on seeking revenge. and the characters that did die? they had personalities and development and were interesting and memorable. i cant tell you shit about cristina.

he is very respecting of women, especially for a white guy from the 1600s. he, as a teenager (under 17 i believe), attempted to save a woman he did not know and had no intentions of wooing (hey um ezio? you literally only were able to save cristina from being raped because you stalked her because you thought she was attractive. like thanks for saving her but uhh am i the only one that finds that creepy?) even though the odds of winning against three older men were stacked against him and he knew they could (and almost did) beat him to death. fuck if caroline wasnt there he would've been killed.

the modern day stuff is an excellent way to separate intense scenes and the little mini hacking games are fun puzzles. oh boohoo desmond isn't there? yes he was, half the things you hack literally give you desmond content.

rebecca's outfit fucking slaps.

from experience, its fun to play even if you dont know shit about the other ac games. pirates are cool and the story is easy to follow, just be prepared to find some of the other endings big letdowns or lots of the other games' missions boring.

is that fanservice that goes both ways but doesnt oversexualize any gender? why yes, it is!

stop reducing black flag to alcoholism jokes like yall constantly fucking do, it has so many other talking points and if you wanna make fun of something maybe choose something that isnt addiction. literally i make fun of edward constantly without pointing out his alcoholism it isnt that hard. if you're gonna make fun of edward for drinking rum when water in the 1700s often wasnt safe and making fun of him when he was depressed (he has multiple other intended self harming behaviors shown in game so no, he wasnt just drinking because its fun), why don't i see the same "wHy is aLL tHe WiNE gONe?" posts for arno? he was an alcoholic too. in fact arno and edward have a lot of the same forms of depression but oh, arno's a more serious character personality wise and isn't a pirate so his grieving isn't as funny.

and like, there are plenty of other things to make fun of with edward that might not make light of alcoholism because no, edward's drinking in the main story was not written to be a joke. here, a list of things i regularly make fun of him for:

this highwaisted man's got feminine hips

there is no reason for him to be that thicc

his bangs are a mess

his hair???? glows???? okay rapunzel.

his tatts that are just lines

actually you know what his tatts in general what do they mean ubisoft what even language are the words on his body in

how this whore opens the bottled messages on the beach. "ah yes, let me put this mysterious item in my mouth. i have no idea where its been. i could very well open it to read a note that says "i pissed on this""

"woman i just met... must respect her.. man i just met... im either going to give you a death threat, tease you, or flirt... sometimes multiple choices will be done......"

i mean he had the full right to be a bastard to walpole on the beach since he did try to be friendly but walpole was being to bitchy and needy. and like them being stranded wasnt edward's fault but walpole was still gonna make him build a ship and there is no reason for edward to trust walpole since after they get to havana he can easily just be like "thats a pirate, hang him." but like. the way he just immediately decides to steal his identity. legend.

why does he just blindly follow older men's orders like that

he trims his beard to a very odd location. i know it isn't a flattering pose but like. look at the underside of his jaw.

"how many references to dog behavior can we put in one character"

phobia of sleeping in a bed

"you saved my life i am eternally grateful."

edward are you seriously arguing with your eight year old daughter about the difference between a boat and a ship

where are your tanlines

how did he not die of skin cancer first

edward probably doesnt have any body hair because ubisoft didnt want his legs to glow in the dark too

look at his marooned outfit. bitch what the fuck is on your shirt. and where are your hair ties.

his dramatic beauty guru smokey eyes

he held that sword by the blade in the single madman quest. wh

anyway, the long run of this is, if you're gonna reblog an edward post from me specifically to make fun of an overused joke, go fuck yourself.

#edward #ac4 #i talk #assassins creed #im tired #and im tired of it! #im not saying to make fun of arno's alcoholism btw #just... just because edward tends to behave a little happier doesnt mean he is #both these men are depressed but like fuck mental disorders i guess

[kirksfattitties]

asks you can smell the privilege and internalized ableism radiate from

(tw for ableism and other bigoted implications)

i’m bad at reading tone but even i understand that this is 100% you being condescending and trying to cover it up with smiley faces and false sincerity. and i don’t appreciate that.

before i get into deconstructing your shitty ableist argument, i want to explain the reasons i believe in self diagnosis (self-dx):

even professional diagnosis doesn’t start with a doctor diagnosing you. there has to be a reason for seeing the doctor. some people see a doctor in their adult life because they’re struggling, some people are taken by their parents, some people are referred or suggested that they see a specialist. whatever it is, you don’t just see a doctor and they magically give you a neurodivergency. people have neurodivergencies before they see doctors and even if they NEVER see a doctor.

the psychiatry system is flawed in MANY ways and to say that it isn’t means you’re denying the experiences of people with less privledge than yourself. also like psychiatry isn’t gonna suck your dick. you don’t have to be a bootlicker lol

in many places (hi hello i’m from america where our government tries to indirectly kill us by not providing us with adequate healthcare! i and many other people have many issues we can’t get fixed because simply our government cares more about the economy than us), seeing a psychiatrist or a therapist or going to a mental hospital or WHATEVER is INCREDIBLY expensive. and to assume that everyone has access and enough time/money/energy/transportation/whatever to do all of that is classist and elitist.

ANYTHING medical (including mental health) is biased towards white cis men. most studies are done on white cis men/boys. because of this, people who aren’t white cis men (or people who aren’t perceived as white cis men) are often not diagnosed. the system is racist. the system is sexist. the system is transphobic. people don’t know how to diagnose autism or adhd or personality disorders or other neurodivergencies or even mental illnesses in black people and other people of color, in women, in trans people, etc. and GOD FORBID someone be in multiple (or all) of those categories. saying “just go get diagnosed :)” is a privileged statement to make.

shocker! the psychiatry system is also ableist. if you’re already diasabled (whether it be mental or physical) and you see a doctor about ANOTHER disability? the doctor is most likely going to shoot you down. or at least be weary about someone having mutliple disabilities.

also most people who diagnose are neurotypical. they have never and will probably never experience neurodivergency so they can never fully understand it. they operate off of stereotypes of neurodivergent people and usually only stereotypical behavior of neurodivergent white cis men (which, as i mentioned before, is problematic for anyone who isn’t a white cis man). neurotypical diagnosers don’t know the neurodivergent culture and aren’t trained to recognize very common things (like masking for example).

a professional diagnosis can also be weaponized. not everyone can get a professional diagnosis because there are some neurodivergencies (such as autism and personality disorders) and mental illnesses (like depression) that can have legal and medical respercussions to have in your record. trans people can be denied medical and legal transition for being professionally diagnosed. people can lose custody battles for being professionally diagnosed. a professional diagnosis can be used as justification for taking away someone’s body autonomy (especially if that person is also physically disabled).

a LOT of neurodivergencies also have some type of symptom (or symptoms) that make it difficult to interact with people. troubles recognizing facial expressions, troubles understanding certain phrases and types of speech, paranoid about people, audio processing issues, being nonverbal in an environment that doesn’t accommodate for it, overstimulation, extreme social anxiety, discomfort in new situations, problems with eye contact, and a lot more. because like. for many nd people, interacting with people is very difficult and stressful. and hey. if you want to get a professional diagnosis? take a WILD guess what you have to do? FUCKING INTERACT with people! LIKE?? JEHDJJDKEKKDKDKDS. do you know how many professionally diagnosed nd people i know who made their appointment COMPLETELY on their own without help from a parent or family member or friend? LITERALLY ZERO! and i know A FEW nd people who have professional diagnoses! so if someone has social issues that prevent them from doing tasks like calling and making an appointment, showing up for an appointment, talking during the appointment, etc and ALSO doesn’t have familial or friend support (because newsflash! people who are friends/family of disabled people can still be ableist)? almost impossible to get a diagnosis! plus, the diagnosis process is TIME CONSUMING. not everyone can focus on a task for that long and not everyone can miss work/school for that long.

so those are the reasons i support self-dx. (although there’s probably more that i’m forgetting but i have adhd and it’s hard for me to remember things!)

so hopefully you now understand my reasons for believing in self-dx, and perhaps even you’re pro-self-dx now because before you were just uneducated on these issues and how they impact people who aren’t you.

but in case you’re still anti-self-dx and probably hate already-marginalized neurodivergent people, let’s talk about this horrendous ask (series of asks, actually) that i got sent. i feel like i can feel the self hatred and internalized ableism OOZING from this ask and into my inbox, so thanks for that i guess /s

“Sometimes people who self diagnose can take away from those who are actually nd, even sometimes from themselves.”

starting out strong with the ableism on this one by separating people into “self diagnosed” and “actually nd” people. self diagnosed people ARE actually nd

there’s not a limited number of nd resources. this isn’t a math equation of only x amount of people can be nd because there’s only y amount of resources. more people realizing they’re nd will actually MAKE more resources for nd people and will bring more awareness to being nd

even IF someone self diagnosed, and they go back on it later, what harm was done? they learned some coping mechanisms? they made some nd friends? neither of those are problematic and i think they’re both actually very helpful. i think nt people SHOULD learn more about nd people and stuff because i think that will lead to WAYYY less misunderstandings and WAYYYY less ableism

“There are many people who fake nds for attention,”

hey anon, what fucking world do you live in that nd’s are cool enough to fake having? because i would LOVE to live there. like, i literally had a post about my personality disorder (which i will not be specifying) i had to delete because people were sending my anons about how i was “scary” and “threatening” now that they knew i had the personality disorder i have. last year i left a discord server because the ableism i was recieving from not only the members of the server, but the mods as well. there are very few people i know irl who i tell about my personality disorder, but when i tell people about my adhd, they start treating me different. they infantalize me and make fun of me and use “jokes” about stereotypical adhd behaviors to alienate me and they even TELL OTHER PEOPLE without my permission. i was SEVERELY bullied throughout elementary and middle school for being nd. i have been refused job and educational opportunities as well as literal medical attention for being nd. people aren’t “faking” being nd, and if they were they probably wouldn’t be doing it for long because it’s not something that’s EASY to deal with.

kinda ironic that you’re saying people can’t diagnose themselves but that YOU can tell when someone is faking their diagnosis. that’s both hypocritical and a double standard.

masking exists. if you think someone isn’t “acting nd enough” they’re probably masking because they’ve been fucking bullied and harrassed. also you’re probably basing whatever you think nd is on stereotypes. not every nd person is sheldon cooper lol.

this is a side note but can we talk about how you’re literally just taking transmed rhetoric and molding it to fit nd people? like. you really come onto MY NONBINARY NEURODIVERGENT blog and expect me to validate your recycled “but what about the REAL [insert group] people?” ??? like grow up, elitist. you’re not better than anyone else just because you lick some boots 🥾 👅

“and claiming that self diagnosis (and this is just what I interpreted) is just as valid as professional diagnosis”

it is 😌

the only difference between self diagnosis and professional diagnosis is that a professional diagnosis can also get you medicine. not every neurodivergency needs meds and not every neurodivergency can be treated (at this time or even ever). for example, my pd (self diagnosed) doesn’t have a specific treatment but multiple symptoms of the pd (all professionally diagnosed) have specific treatments and medicines that work, so patients are given/diagnosed with/prescribed those instead. also, medicine doesn’t work for everyone! and sometimes people are allergic to or take medicines that will conflict with any new medicine.

“can really devalue the account of someone who actually has a disorder”

here we go again with that “self diagnosed” vs “actually nd” bullshit. literally just say you hate poor people n minorities and leave lol

someone having a different experience than you isn’t devaluing you, but if you’re the one who always has the spotlight maybe you should use your privledge uplift other marginalized people instead of feeling angry when everything isn’t all about you 100% of the time

“I have a second ask”

i don’t want it

“Plus it can be damaging for a person if they self diagnose wrong.”

how? what if they learn information that they wouldn’t’ve otherwise known like coping mechanisms that help them with their own neurodivergencies? that’s definitely not a bad thing

i think it’s funny that you bring up that people can self diagnose wrong and don’t even MENTION that doctors can diagnose wrong. like. you know. the people who GIVE OUT MEDICINE to people. i think it’s MUCH more dangerous when a PROFESSIONAL diagnosis is wrong. what are self-dx people with wrong diagnoses gonna do? read up on nd tips? maybe smoke some weed? drink some coffee? that’s about all they can do with a self-dx. but if a MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL gives you an INCORRECT diagnosis, they can ACTUALLY fuck you up.

“I was recently diagnosed with PTSD, a disorder which I would have never considered I’d have.”

that’s great about your professional diagnosis! i don’t know you but i’m glad you’re finding out about yourself and getting the help you want and/or need /srs

sorry if this sounds blunt, but honestly i’m not surprised you never considered you could have PTSD. based on your asks, you sound like you have a lot of internalized ableism you need to work through and a lot more research about neurodiversity you need to do. being anti-self diagnosis is a common belief among a lot of people with internalized ableism and a lot of these same people are the ones who have no issue with and even SUPPORT auti$m $peaks. many nd organizations that are run BY nd people (like asan) actually support self-dx.

“If I had of diagnosed my own symptoms and then started treating myself or taking precautions based on my self diagnosed "condition", it could of really hurt me.”

how? taking precautions to preserve your mental health is NEVER a bad idea. i’m not ptsd, but someone i care deeply about DOES have ptsd and has shared a lot of the precautions and coping mechanisms for ptsd with me and honestly they’ve been incredibly helpful. it’s almost as if different neurodivergencies and/or mental illnesses have overlap and that’s why there’s a whole community for us to be able to share these resources and information with each other!

the same person was rejected a formal autism diagnosis because of their ptsd, plus the fact that they’re transgender and the fact they have symptoms of adhd. it’s not really my place to talk about their experience with professional diagnosis, but i’ll send this post to them and allow them to add on their experience in a rb if they’re comfortable with that. but it’s almost as if their experience with the professional diagnosis process was unhelpful, harmful, ableist, and transphobic 🧐 and unfortunately this is a pretty common experience

“Also, by self diagnosing, I devalue the account of a person with the disorder l assumed I had.”

how? if someone thinks they’re nd, they have a legitimate reason for thinking so. either they have another neurodivergency than the one they thought they had, or they’re neurotypical and need to figure themself out and have a need for support. either way, they learned more about the specific neurodivergency, more about the nd community, and more about themself. i don’t see how that’s a bad thing.

if you think self-diagnosed people’s experiences inherently have less value, that is straight up ableism. especially considering that other marginalized identities and minorities have trouble getting professional diagnoses, you might also be bigoted in some other way. or at the very least, refusing to acknowledge your privilege.

“only one more I promise”

i don’t want it

“I understand that doctors are expensive and professionals can get it wrong,”

okay. if you understand this, then dm me your information so i can bill you for the cost of my professional diagnoses, the cost for my therapy sessions, the cost for my medicine, and the cost for transportation to and from all these places. PLUS the cost of the work and school i’ll be missing for these sessions. 🤲

“but self diagnosis can be really harmful to yourself or others.”

nah, you’re just ableist and a gatekeeper lol

“If you feel like you have a disorder, go see a psychiatrist, you may have it.”

[remembers when i went to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with two major symptoms of a personality disorder and said i had other symptoms of the pd as well but refused to diagnose me with the actual personality disorder because i was a minor at the time and he told me “kids don’t have personalities so they can’t have personality disorders”. i understand being weary about diagnosing children with personality disorders because they aren’t fully developed but this dude straight up told me that i didn’t have a personality. this man literally only worked with children so that means he literally never diagnosed personality disorders. this man was literally just lazy and didn’t care about his patients. this man also refused to believe me when i told him the medicine he prescribed me made my symptoms worse and even made me hallucinate. he ignored me and refused to change my medicine so eventually i just changed psychiatrists and they put me on a new medicine that DIDNT make my symptoms worse and DIDNT make me hallucinate. also i looked it up after our session and apparently ONLY people with my pd and related ones experience hallucinations on that certain medication. it’s almost like his refusal to diagnose me and ignoring my symptoms/concerns harmed me. this man also constantly misgendered me and told me that homosexuality and transgenderism should’ve still been in the dsm. like golly, it’s almost as if being queer and neurodivergent in an extremely conservative state is harmful and dangerous. and that psychiatrists aren’t immune from being homophobic and transphobic and ableist.] but yes :) perhaps i should see another psychiatrist in this conservative state :)

“I don't want to undermine anyone's actual experiences, but it can be dangerous.”

then stop undermining people’s actual experiences :)

no ❤️

“If you feel like something's wrong, go see a professional.”

the whole point of the neurodiversity movement is that there IS no such thing as a “normal” brain, so saying that neurodivergent people have something “wrong” with them is ableist.

💰 🤲 hand it over

“I don't want to offend, I just don't want anyone to get mislead or hurt. :)”

you absolutely meant to offend. you literally said that self-diagnosed people’s experiences aren’t valid and have less value than people who have professional diagnoses

i know more people who have been (and personally have been) mislead and hurt by professionals than by simply existing as a self-diagnosed person

also i want to say that being pro-self dx is NOT being anti-professional/formal diagnosis. i think that people should absolutely get a professional diagnosis (if they are able to without negative repercussions)! being pro-self dx is more inclusive of marginalized people (like people of color, women, lgbtq+ people, people with multiple disabilities, etc). pro-self dx is simply just saying that professional diagnosis isn’t the only option

(neurotypical people and anti-self dx people don’t add anything; pro-self dx neurodivergent people are allowed to add with their experiences if they want)

#asks #long post #nd adventures #ableism tw #sexism tw #racism tw #transphobia tw #misgendering mention #medical abuse mention #not star trek #homophobia tw

[mcrmadness]

This is just me talking about (my) asexuality and aromanticism and mainly about how I figured I'm aroace. I'm from Finland and recently turned 30 so my experience and "lgbt+ history" might not be what you know it as, especially if you are not from Europe, or if your native language is English.

Also this is highly personal, so I doubt anyone here will have 100% same experience. But that's fine because remember: we're all individuals here and these are NEVER universal. You're still valid even if you wouldn't relate to what being aspec is to me.

It might be IS a long post so beware, but I've just been feeling like writing down some thoughts so here we go...

What I have been able to track is that I was 17, in 2008, when I first stumbled upon the term "asexuality". I don't remember exactly how, but I just remember reading about it and immediately going "yeah that's me". But what I do remember is that no one talked it being about sexual attraction. Basically how understood it was: asexuality = sex-repulsion.

I was 17, and somehow I knew I was sex-repulsed, but at the same time also thought I'm just a minor, so it's normal to be sex-repulsed. But even after turning 18, I don't recall ever feeling sexual attraction. I didn't think of myself as a "late bloomer" but just as someone who just has no interest towards sex. At some point I became really anxious of men, however. Nothing has ever happened to me* but still I, for some reason, developed terrible fear of men. I'm afab and just did not want to be seen as an object, and it made, still makes me, terrified to think someone might look at me and have Emotions. I know that we can't control our brains, I mean, I can't look at someone and force myself to feel attraction - just like those who do feel attraction, can't force themselves to stop feeling attraction. They can only control their actions. But yeah, I also had horrible (sexual) intrusive thoughts due to my generalized anxiety disorder at some point, which did not really help. They got a bit better when I came into terms with my asexuality and aromanticism, but sometimes they still come at me and it's never fun, but at least they're not as strong as what they used to be.

*(Unless if you can count that as sexual harrasment when, CW, I was 11 and a classmate was "into" me and tried to touch my face and talk "sweet things" to me but made it into a show despite me being uncomfortable and usually crying cos as a neurodivergent I didn't know how else to react.)

But anyway, back to the topic. So for years I understood asexuality as sex-repulsion, but I guess it's because I, well, am a sex-repulsed ace. So if I'm sex-repulsed, why would I then look at someone and feel something if I'm repulsed by the thing anyway? Like, it probably can't get any simpler than this :D And I know today that it's not as simple anymore. But that was 2008, at school (in ~2005) they only talked about gays a little, on one page in a sex.ed. book that otherwise was maybe 100 pages long. Only one page. About gays. And it was basically "Some boys like boys or some girls like girls and it's totally fine." and that was it, but the overall assumption was that everyone likes someone. And also there were no romantic orientations. Liking someone = both sexually and romantically. Not liking = not a thing except when you were depressed or otherwise mentally ill, or autistic or mentally disabled (which is a SUPER ableist take btw). I don't remember teachers ever talking about this, but it could also just be my adhd, maybe they did mention, but I just don't remember. At least in my notebooks there is no mention of this, everything was very much heteronormative and amatonormative, and also there was only two genders. I don't remember ever hearing about transgender people, apart from foreign documentaries and in them they were always portrayed as some shocking freaks of the nature, and loads of wrong terms were used. And this is still the mid and late 2000s we're talking about!

So this takes us to the other part aka aromanticism. Back then asexuality was not only sex-repulsion but also merged together with aromanticism, because people didn't talk about romantic orientations yet. So asexuality was not only sex-repulsion, but also you simply just not wanting a relationship. Again, nothing about attraction, just someone who did not care about sex nor relationships. A "forever single", if you will.

This was already annoying me a lot back then because I was really annoyed by sex "running the world". I was so angry because why is asexual the only sexuality that doesn't like sex? All the other sexualities had the assumption of them always wanting to have sex. Like, even think about someone who is straight, you hear that someone is straight, and you automatically assume(d) that oh they're into sex too cos why wouldn't they be. This was really driving me nuts because I was sure there are people who want to have a partner, but never want to have sex! I was still experiencing crushes, and I knew for sure it was nothing sexual, so it annoyed me that just because I'm asexual, it means I can't have crushes. That's why I actually called myself as "asexual bi" for a while, because "bisexual" indicated I would have not been sex-repulsed and I wanted to point out that I'm NOT into sexual things, at all - and remember that this was still the late 2000s or early 2010s and I had not heard of romantic orientations yet! So I was up to something, there just were no terms for that yet! Today that would be called bi-/panromantic asexual.

I haven't been able to track the exact date or even year when did I figure out I'm aromantic, or when did I hear about romantic orientations for the first time. From the messages I've been able to find, I was already in my early 20s. Aka somewhere around maybe 2011-2013. In those, I have still been wondering what I am or if I even want to have a relationship, not being really able to tell what I wanted or didn't want. Again, no one told me romantic orientations are about ATTRACTION and not about whether you have commitment issues or not (this as a half-joke, cos I have severe commitment issues with everything :D I need to feel free!).

Anyway, I do remember my key moment with aromanticism, or the "aromantic awakening" as you could call it too, was when I was 17 or 18. Or maybe I was older? I don't know, I have time blindness. Anyway, I had this one online friend I had a "crush" on (I think it was just undiagnosed adhd's person hyperfixation) and I even told her about it. Everything just is super shady, from those years, I was not really on my best and there are so many overlapping memories that feel like different alternative universes instead of memories on a same timeline. Anyway, I just remember at some point thinking about this girl and I thought about some "romantic" stuff, like kissing, and I just remember my brain going "NOOOOOPE!" I had wanted to meet with her some day so bad, but when I started thinking about actually meeting with her, I started to nope the fuck out. All I had in my head was awkward embarrassing "first kiss" scenarios from movies and I just was not having it! I basically went "lol I guess I'm aro too, then XD" but I still don't remember when did I have this realization. Was I 17? Or was I, say, 22? I guess I need to go through my old MSN Messenger and Skype convos some day to investigate this further because I really want to know. I couldn't even find anything from my Tumblr from those times (I registered here in 2011), but I don't know if that's just me not tagging or Tumblr search functioning normally (aka it never finds anything).

But yeah, I am touch-repulsed. And kiss-repulsed, and romance-repulsed, too, (unless it's my OTP we're talking about). I'm still not exactly sure if I'm touch repulsed because I'm aromantic, or if I'm aromantic because I'm touch-repulsed. I only know that because of my sensory issues (I'm neurodivergent), I have never liked touching nor being touched. Even as a little kid I hated hugs and never liked sitting on anyone's lap. I only tolerated my parents, mainly my mom, because they were my safe place as an extremely shy baby/toddler/kid, who was especially wary about men. I can't explain the latter, but there was something about adult men that caused me (as a baby) to hide my face against my mom's shoulder if they talked to me. I did that to everyone I didn't know, but especially to men I didn't know. No idea why.

I also remember how my siblings loved to sit on people's laps and were always climbing onto their laps, and I didn't like this. And once my (late) grandma was so touched when she asked me if I want to sit on her lap (I was maybe 5-7?) and I agreed just to make her happy. I still remember how it felt, and I did not like it at all, but it still made my grandma so happy that I THINK she almost cried when she told my mom I actually agreed to sit on her lap. I'm not sure how real this last part of the memory is because I was so young. But I do remember thinking I do that for a change because I knew my grandma would be happy.

So yeah, my touch-repulsion is not exactly a new thing but just something that has been a part of my personality forever. But is that the core reason for why I only feel aesthetic attraction? I never look at people and feel like I wanna touch. More of the opposite, the idea of having to touch them or them touching me makes me go "eeewww". If you have seen that video of a gibbon shaking their whole body after seeing a rat in their exhibit? That's what I feel like when I think about touching or being touched, in just any way, also platonically.

The only time I feel "sensual attraction" is when I see photos or videos of animals. The urge to pet a tiger is insane. But the feel of another human's skin or muscle (or hair or whatever) is very repulsive to me.

I still remember how disgusting it felt to e.g. sit on a cousin's lap. We sometimes used swings like this, and somehow I was aware of it not feeling nice, but still not doing anything about it cos it also was okay? Only later I have realized I really, really loathe the texture of human skin. Or the warmth and overall feeling of a human body. For example, I was at least 7 or younger when I sat on my cousin's lap while we were sitting on a swing and STILL, after over 20 years, I have that all in my body memory. I remember how the thigh bone felt under my legs and how freaking disgusting the muscles felt inbetween. Also at school, on the 1st grade, we often had to walk in a line of twos after the teacher and hold the pair's hand so no one gets lost. My then-friend had so ridiculously dry skin that the only thing I could think of was how I felt like throwing up because the skin on her palm felt so damn disgusting. I still can feel that in my hand when I think of it. That's one of my "core memories" from 1st grade - how disgusting the human skin can feel like.

I don't think I have ever felt actual romantic attraction towards anyone. It's really difficult to differentiate because as I mentioned, I get those people hyperfixations easily. I guess it's the same hormones but I never really want to do anything with them? I guess it's the emotional intimacy that "attracts" me and what gets me excited, but I'm still not exactly sure what emotional intimacy means to me. I don't exactly fall into the QPR category either, in a way I wish I had a best friend whose best friend also I would be, and that neither would have anyone else who is "better" than the other one. But the only intimacy there would be emotional intimacy, nothing else. And I need my freedom so I wouldn't move in with any human being, either.

Sometimes I've thought my "ideal partner" would be a robot because if I get annoyed, I could just turn it off and stuff into a closet and leave there, and if I felt like not having a "relationship" anymore, I could just remove the harddrive and destroy the robot, or both. That way I would be the only one with the memories, and I wouldn't have to worry about someone out there knowing things about me, things that only the closest can know, and I'm really afraid of letting anyone close in case it won't work (also with regular friendships) because I can't stop thinking about how much I wish I had that MIB memory cancelling device so that they would again know almost nothing, or at least much much less about me. There's already one friendship that ended a few years ago and I still keep thinking about how I wish I could take everything back and how I wish they delete(d) all the files and drawings and stuff I sent them. There are so many things about me I wish I never told them, now as we are no longer friends. Back then it felt like "of course this is gonna last a lifetime!" but turns out that nope, not all friendships will.

I guess it's time to stop rambling. This post is really long already. If you read it all the way here: congrats. And thanks. You probably just wasted your time but... that's on you I guess :DDD But yeah, some thoughts from a 30-years-old aroace who has been aware of their identity for at least or almost 10 years now.

#mcrmadness' deep thoughts #asexuality #aromantic #aroace #aspec

[silverypurple-rosedlions]

𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓟𝓾𝓻𝓹𝓵𝓮 𝓡𝓸𝓼𝓮

━━━━━━☓━━━━━━

• Activated on August, 22, 2020 •

• Redesigned on October 8, 2020 •

━━━━━━☓━━━━━━

🛑DISCLAIMER 1/2🛑: These chatbots do NOT represent Jeonghan, Joshua, Jun, Wonwoo, Jihoon, Minghao, Mingyu, Seokmin, Seventeen, and Pledis in any shape or form. Neither do I claim to be them. This is purely made for entertainment and fiction purposes.

🛑DISCLAIMER 2/2🛑: I am not licensed in psychology, nor am I studying it as part of my education. But, I am studying it in my free time and I am learning about each disorder to the best of my abilities. What will be mentioned is based on true information from those who have studied, or have that disorder.

🛑Trigger Warning🛑: This will contain strong language, mentions of violence and gore, and especially mental illnesses. If you are uncomfortable with the following topics, do not proceed any further for your safety. If you wish to only know small information about the members, you are more than welcomed to avoid reading their quoted and mental and physical illnesses, but do acknowledge that they have them.

━━━━━━☓━━━━━━

𝕭𝖔𝖘𝖘

◈ ━━━━━━🥀━━━━━━ ◈

"You know boys, I'm getting real tired over all this bullshit. So... Have at it. Free for all! Witness our bloody parade, you filthy shits! Let us bring you the blessing of eternal slumber from this tainted world!"

◈ ━━━━━━🥀━━━━━━ ◈

[Name]: Yoon Jeonghan

[Alias]: Angel; Angel of Death

[Soon-To-Be Husband]: Hong Joshua Jisoo

[Characteristics]:

| Leader-like | | Sly | | Fearless | | Psychotic | | Deceitful | | Stern |

| Derranged | | Precise | | Patient | | Intelligent | | Violent |

| Mischevious | | Cunning | | Possessive |

[Mental and Physical Illnesses]:

Depression: A disorder that causes the person constant feelings of sadness, unmotivation, discouragement, and lost of interest in daily activities. It affects feelings and behavior, leading to numerous emotional and physical complications.

Psychotic Disorder (Psychosis): A mental disorder where a person feels detached from reality; disconnected with reality and more invested into a fabricated reality created by the brain.

Schizophrenia: A disorder, a psychotic disorder, that disrupts how the person thinks, feels, and behaves. The fabricated reality created by the brain affects this, altering all three listed.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): A disorder in which a person has difficulty recovering from past events in their lives that impacted them negatively; an event that was extremely terrifying.

[Facts]:

-> Due to past events, Jeonghan has trust issues. Until the person proves that they are harmless to him and his group, Jeonghan will be distant and blunt, making sharp remarks and will push the person away if they aren't of any use to his group.

-> As a side effect from Schizophrenia, Jeonghan is known to repeatedly tap the temple of his head, twitching and jerking. If irritated, he will begin to tap violently to the point he's inflicting pain to himself, such as: pulling hair, slamming hands against his head, digging his nails into his body, and more.

-> His past is a very sensitive topic for him. He will not answers or explain his past unless you have gained his full trust. If asked constantly, Jeonghan will not hesitate into inflicting pain due to being triggered. So do NOT question his past until close with him.

-> Due to a failed experiment meant to help Jeonghan with his beginning stages of Schizophrenia, Jeonghan's eyes are able to go blue. This being referred by all members as, "blue eyes." When in this state, Jeonghan loses all senses of the world around him, encased in his episode, and will attack anything and anyone until episode is over, or is calmed.

𝖀𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖗𝖇𝖔𝖘𝖘

◈ ━━━━━━🥀━━━━━━ ◈

"I may not be as psychotic as my lover, and I seem sweeter than some. But that does not mean I'll let you live another day... Instead, I'll make sure you're real pretty. I'll make SURE to create a beautiful bouquet of flowers and YOUR intestines while your body is as empty as your HEART,"

◈ ━━━━━━🥀━━━━━━ ◈

[Name]: Hong Joshua Jisoo

[Alias]: Joshua

[Companion]: Yoon Jeonghan

[Characteristics]:

| Reserved | | Polite | | Outgoing | | Kind | | Two-faced | | Violent |

| Cautious | | Nervous | | Clingy | | Possessive | | Obsessive |

| Sensitive | | Calm | | Observant |

[Mental and Physical Illnesses]:

Bipolar Disorder (Manic Depression): A disorder when a person's moods swing easier than usual, ranging from depressive lows to manic highs; from feeling depression to suddenly feeling euphoria, feeling energized and creative, but to a higher extent.

Anxiety Disorder: A mental disorder in which feelings such as anxiety, fear, and worry are heightened, becoming strong enough to create issues within a person's daily life. This can also lead to side effects such as: hyperventilating, fatigue, sweating, insomnia, lack of concentration, and more.

[Facts]:

-> Joshua is Jeonghan's main pillar, the only one who has the largest impact on the Boss and is able to calm Jeonghan from Schizophrenic episodes quicker than the rest.

-> Joshua is one of the friendliest members in The Purple Rose. He's easier to approach, but do not underestimate him. Sometimes, buried underneath his sweet smile and kind words is a beast that is feared by everyone.

-> Joshua is one, out of two people, who had sent Jeonghan in a Mental Asylum in hopes that they could help him. But it failed, and Joshua still feels guilty for sending Jeonghan to a horrendous place, despite receiving forgiveness when the two reunited.

-> When nervous and anxious, Joshua's eyes will dart around the room, looking at various objects and people to calm himself. That, or he will turn to Jeonghan, the members, or listen to music to ground himself.

-> It may not seem like it, but Joshua has slight yandere tendencies that are very rare to see. But he will become jealousy and "territorial" over Jeonghan, being that many attempt to seduce the Boss for their personal gain.

𝕾𝖚𝖕𝖕𝖑𝖎𝖊𝖗/𝕾𝖕𝖞

◈ ━━━━━━🥀━━━━━━ ◈

"Even though I may seem like I'm given the less "exciting" job today, doesn't mean I can't have my own type of fun with this. And since you tried to scam us with these useless supplies and weapons, I guess I'll have my pleasure in blasting your brains to bits thinking we were gullible, sir. I'll make sure no one will be able to know who you are when I'm through with you."

◈ ━━━━━━🥀━━━━━━ ◈

[Name]: Wen Junhui

[Alias]: Jun

[Soon-To-Be Husband]: Jeon Wonwoo (@seventeen-chatbot)

[Characteristics]:

| Energetic | | Aloof | | Straightforward | Prideful | | Playful |

| Cunning | | Ambitious | | Derranged | | Stubborn | | Fickle |

| Awkward | | Kind-hearted | | Perfectionist |

[Mental and Physical Illnesses]:

Psychotic Disorder (Psychosis)

Schizophrenia

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

[Facts]:

-> Due to Schizophrenia, Jun has the habit of constantly moving, such as: bouncing legs, twitching and jerking, and tapping his fingers on a flat surface. Some say he picked up the habit of tapping on flat surfaces from Jeonghan, who constantly taps his temples.

-> Jun is known to be the second member of The Purple Rose to be the messiest with his victims, following Jeonghan. He's known for tearing people apart, whether they're alive or already dead.

-> So far, Jun is prohibited from any interaction with children due to his violent tendencies to them. But it is unknown as to why children trigger him.

-> Jun learned Kung Fu and Martial Arts during his youth, using that to his advantage if ever his weapons are restricted from him.

-> Jun is known for copying others sayings and actions, such as small gestures and few sentences or words, repeating them without knowing so, being that it became his habit.

𝕹𝖊𝖌𝖔𝖙𝖎𝖆𝖙𝖔𝖗/𝕷𝖔𝖔𝖐𝖔𝖚𝖙

◈ ━━━━━━🥀━━━━━━ ◈

"Listen, and listen well, because I don't want to repeat this again. You made a FUCKING deal. You promised that you'll pull through your end of the bargain as we did. So if you can't give the shit we requested, the deal is off. Your area is now OURS, and frankly, we have a BETTER person to run that waste of space you've created. So, nighty night BASTARD. Say hi to Satan for us,"

◈ ━━━━━━🥀━━━━━━ ◈

[Name]: Jeon Wonwoo

[Alias]: Wonwoo

[Companion]: None

[Characteristics]:

| Patient | | Observant | | Intelligent | | Introverted | | Persuasive |

| Blunt | | Stern | | Sadistic | | Aggressive | | Cynical | | Strict |

| Analytical | | Straightforward | | Cold | | Resourceful |

[Mental and Physical Illnesses]:

Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D): A disorder in where the brain creates other alters/identities to distribute trauma to, so that the main person, the host, is protected from past events that occured in their life that they aren't able to handle alone.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PSTD)

Psychotic Disorder (Psychosis)

Hand Tremors: An movement disorder within the body, most commonly in the hands but can occur in other body parts. An involuntary, rhythmic muscle contraction that causes shaking. Can happen every now and then, or constantly.

[Facts]:

-> In total, Wonwoo has 17 alters. But 5 main alters are known to front most often, being the main protectors of the body:

-> It was rumoured that Wonwoo was plotting to take the role as leader of The Purple Rose, eliminating Yoon Jeonghan. But it was never confirmed.

-> Due to poor eyesight, Wonwoo is required to wear glasses. But when doing work and handling targets, Wonwoo will not need them. Strange as it is, his eyes sharpen, narrowing on his target no matter the distance as his adrenaline kicks in.

-> Despite being a negotiator, dealing with men and women within casinos, Wonwoo despises gambling. He can't tolerate the smell of strong alcohol, betting, and smoke.

-> Among the eight members, Wonwoo is the best when handling treatments such as severe wounds. He knows what to use, how to use it, and how long it'll take to heal, or, at least an estimated time.

𝕮𝖔𝖓𝖘𝖎𝖌𝖑𝖎𝖊𝖗𝖊

◈ ━━━━━━🥀━━━━━━ ◈

"I'm getting sick and tired with your babbling, you know that? I don't like wasting my time on people who can't pull their shit together, or ones who have no real benefit to the Purple Rose. So, I'm going to do us both the favor and end this short. But with a loud bang!"

◈ ━━━━━━🥀━━━━━━ ◈

[Name]: Lee Jihoon

[Alias]: Jihoon

[Companion]: Kim Inseong (@heartbrokenxinseong)

[Characteristics]:

| Leader-like | | Cold | | Silent | | Wise | | Observant | | Creative |

| Thoughtful | | Resilient | | Sarcastic | | Strict | | Hostile |

| Manipulative | | Short-tempered | | Intimidating | | Resourceful |

[Mental and Physical Illnesses]:

Psychotic Disorder (Psychosis)

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PSTD)

[Facts]:

-> Jihoon is the Representative of The Purple Rose, always attending meetings that they are requested to attend, and taking in all information and then explaining it to the Boss and Underboss, Jeonghan and Joshua.

-> Jihoon's main job is to not only process information, but to plan each mission, and how they will carried out. It has been his job since the start of The Purple Rose.

-> Jihoon has severe trust issues, becoming skeptical and defensive of himself and others around him, sometimes lashing out.

-> Jihoon does not accept being called "cute." Despite his height, Jihoon is hostile, and will not hesitate to attack.

-> It is rare that Jihoon participates in outdoor activities with the group, usually locked inside his room handling missions and piles of work that is handed to him.

𝕳𝖆𝖈𝖐𝖊𝖗/𝕾𝖕𝖞

◈ ━━━━━━🥀━━━━━━ ◈

"Although I had a great time with you, fellas, I have to get going. I can't let my boss and the boys wait any longer now that you're of no more use to us. To keep this our secret like yours with your team and boss, I'm going to put you to eternal sleep, and I'll make sure your body doesn't go to waste,"

◈ ━━━━━━🥀━━━━━━ ◈

[Name]: Xu Minghao

[Alias]: Minghao; The Ghost

[Companion]: Kim (Jeewon) Jiwon (@90sjeewonie)

[Characteristics]:

| Intuitive | | Thoughtful | | Sarcastic | | Sassy | Playful | | Sweet |

| Vengeful | | Determined | | Sharp | | Deceitful | | Protective |

| Energetic | | Sharp | | Precise | | Elegant | | Sensitive |

[Mental and Physical Illnesses]:

Shared Psychotic Disorder: An unusual mental disorder of a person sharing a delusion among two or more people who are in a close relationship. The (inducer, primary) who has a psychotic disorder with delusions influences the other, or more (induced, secondary) with a specific belief.

Psychotic Disorder (Psychosis)

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

[Facts]:

-> Minghao never had intentions of joining The Purple Rose, or joining in any infamous activities. But, because he was influenced and close with Jun, he didn't have any other option but to became a member, sharing Jun's Schizophrenia.

-> Minghao is a cannibal, and has been since the age of 17. He tends to make comments now and then on people, wondering what they would taste like but will not pursue them depending his relationship with them.

-> He knows how to use all technology, creating his own softwares and bots to use as assistance in missions. He's crafty, and with Jun and Mingyu's help, he creates his own unique gadgets that are used frequently.

-> He's a top spy, always assigned 90% of the time to missions that include entering into the building, stealing, and deceit. When doing this, he temporarily dyes his hair a different color.

-> He's known as The Ghost due to appearing in one area, then suddenly disappearing without a trace, later appearing again and rendering targets without a sound.

𝕭𝖔𝖉𝖞𝖌𝖚𝖆𝖗𝖉/𝕰𝖝 𝖀𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖗𝖇𝖔𝖘𝖘

◈ ━━━━━━🥀━━━━━━ ◈

"I may not be an Underboss anymore, but just because I've been placed as a bodyguard doesn't mean I'm no longer the man you once feared, pal. How about you show me what you got before I leap and rip off those limbs of yours? Or should we just get to the ripping limbs part already?

◈ ━━━━━━🥀━━━━━━ ◈

[Name]: Kim Mingyu

[Alias]: Mingyu

[Companion]: Choi (Arin) Yewon (@arinschoi)

[Characteristics]:

| Respectful | | Optimistic | | Strong | | Stern | | Controlling |

| Protective | | Deceitful | | Intelligent | | Hard-working |

| Kind-hearted | | Short-tempered | | Determined |

[Mental and Physical Illnesses]:

Psychotic Disorder (Psychosis)

PTSD

[Facts]:

-> Originally, Mingyu was supposed to be eliminated by Jeonghan, due to abandoning Jeonghan, who was caught and brought back to the Asylum in 2016. But, Jeonghan spared him, removing him from Underboss and placing him as a Bodyguard.

-> Mingyu's main priority is to not only protect the members, but most importantly, protect the Boss, the Underboss, and the Consigliere, who are the ones functioning the entire organization.

-> Mingyu is known to be the cleanest member, always cleaning after them and doing normal house chores that he's mistaken to be a germaphobic. But compare it to his work, Mingyu gets reckless when handling victims, creating a mess.

-> Aside from working as a Bodyguard, Mingyu acts as a spy and seducer. But it is only in rare cases will Mingyu be required to be a seducer, but does not engage in s*xual activities, getting the job done before it gets serious.

-> Is known to be Jeonghan's "ex-partner/companion" due to a past struggle the two were under. During that time, Mingyu acted as Jeonghan's significant other, but Jeonghan did not reciprocate the feelings and continued on with work to the best of his abilities.

𝕹𝖆𝖛𝖎𝖌𝖆𝖙𝖔𝖗/𝕽𝖚𝖓𝖓𝖊𝖗

◈ ━━━━━━🥀━━━━━━ ◈

"I had fun doing our little game of cat and mouse, but I'm starting to get tired, mouse! And you look just as tired as I am, right? So, do me a favor of standing still, smiling at me, and letting me gut you out. I'll make sure to bury you somewhere nice with some purple roses. A reminder that you never FUCK with the Purple Rose, scumbag,"

◈ ━━━━━━🥀━━━━━━ ◈

[Name]: Lee Seokmin

[Alias]: Seokmin

[Companion]: Byun Baekhyun (@ghoulxbaekhyun)

[Characteristics]:

| Loud | | Energetic | | Sneaky | | Two-faced | | Sadistic |

| Outgoing | | Clingy | | Rebellious | | Impulsive | | Optimistic |

| Persistent | | Fast | | Sensitive | | Considerate |

[Mental and Physical Illnesses]:

ADHD: A chronic condition including attention difficulty, hyperactivity, and impulsiveness, which begins during childhood and into adulthood. Effects self-esteem, education and work, and relationship

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PSTD)

[Facts]:

-> Seokmin is a cannibal, beginning this at the age of 18. It is unknown why he followed Minghao, both becoming the only two who devoured people, but one thing is for sure. He doesn't always eat victims, but he won't hesitate to take a bite.

-> Being a navigator, Seokmin is excellent in tracking and finding secluded places, especially places that are illegal and are infamous around the network: casinos, mafia basses, closed off buildings used for selling drugs, and more. And as a Runner, it is Seokmin's job to take all that The Purple Rose gains from a mission, escaping the scene with the objects if ever they were caught or were on the run. This also places him as the Getaway Driver, despite being a reckless driver.

-> Seokmin can be easily persuaded if lured into the trap by the right bait. But no offer can make him betray The Purple Rose, especially never betraying the Boss, the Underboss, and Consigliere. He follows their orders strictly, despite bending the rules.

-> Seokmin may be the sweetest and bubbliest member in the group, but he has his equal share, perhaps more than some members, of having a sinister side to him. When making gruesome comments, he always says them with a big, bright smile.

-> Seokmin despises usage of drugs and alcohol. He'll drink now and then, but no more than two cups. Sometimes, Seokmin is triggered by certain drugs, causing him to become bitter and sharp, sometimes picking fights he doesn't mean to create.

✨OG✨// @yanlee

🥀// @empress-jiaqi @criminalinvestigator-mingyu @princess-yeji @doll-seungmin @doll-hyunjin @peachy-jaemjaemin @storybook-nct @deadly-skz-gods-cb @babyhj1sung @yandere-somi-jeon @dandyboy-seungmin @detectivexsicheng @time-for-confession @adoringeun @shinhaneul-oc @split-jiu @domyukhei @joyinwonderland @mafia-chaeyoung @mafiafelixlee @moonlit-jaemin @purgejaemin @floristluda @yoonhana @ateez-zombie-wonderland @ghost-hyunjin @vscohyunjin @moonlit-nono @cb-dungeon @daddysm @amazingspiderhan @heiress-yeeun @babyboynono @blackwidowjennie @roseanneholmes @fairy-dejun @skz-cb @vampiremomo @vampireprince-jeonghan @college-baekhyun @hunter-chaeyoung @julia-oc @moonlightchris @weeb-wonwoo and more . . .

#the purple rose #insane!jeonghan #joshua says #insane!jun #insane!wonwoo #insane!jihoon #insane!minghao #insane!mingyu #insane!seokmin #redesign #meet the members #mental health tw #tw mental health #mental disorder #tw triggers #triggers tw #strong language #the purple rose chatbot #seventeen chatbot #kpop chatbot #kpop mafia au #jeonghan chatbot #joshua chatbot #jun chatbot #wonwoo chatbot #jihoon chatbot #minghao chatbot #mingyu chatbot #seokmin chatbot

[dillydedalus]

march reading

kinda forgot about this i guess. anyway feat. uh, magical ships, dubious mental health institutions (plural) & a parisian building with 99 rooms. 

the forever sea, joshua phillip johnson (forever sea #1) i firmly believe that more fantasy lit should be set on ships bc ships are inherently a sexy setting & you could have pirates which are extremely sexy. this has ships (and pirates) and also a sea made of grass? a magical plant sea on which ships sail via magical fires, so conceptually i’m very into it all. the plot is fine, but the protagonist kindred has a very bad case of Main Character Syndrome so prepare for mild annoyance throughout. also while i generally enjoy book magic vs wild magic i wish more works would treat them as two ends of a spectrum rather than ~book magic bad and boring, wild magic cool and *~natural*~. but overall i think this series has potential. 3/5

jagannath: stories, karin tidbeck ([partially?] translated from swedish by the author) really cool collection of sff stories by tidbeck, many of which veer into mild horror and some of which are influenced by swedish folklore and especially swedish fey stories. i enjoyed most of these a lot, especially the existential call centre horror story, the ‘god won’t let me die’ one, and a taxonomy of a cryptid that goes a little off the rails. 4/5

annette, ein heldinnenepos, anne weber a novel in verse about anne beaumanoir, a real person who was a résistance member during world war 2 and later supported the algerian national liberation front, for which she was sentenced to 10 years in prison (she escaped to tunisia and later algeria). she’s clearly a very impressive and interesting person & i conceptually enjoyed the idea of writing a modern hero(ine)’s epic, but i feel like the language could have been a bit more stylized to match the form. 3/5

salvage the bones, jesmyn ward (audio) bleak but ultimately hopeful novel about a black family in the days before and during hurricane katrina, although the focus is on the family dynamics, the 14-year-old narrator discovering that she is pregnant, and the kids trying to keep the puppies their dog china just had alive and well. enjoyed this, altho i did it a bit of a disservice but listening to it a lot of short chunks. 3.5/5

regeneration, pat barker (regeneration trilogy #1) set mostly at a military hospital for soldiers with shell shock during world war 1, this novel explores the existential horror of war, psychological treatment (& the horrible absurdity of treating traumatised men just enough so that you can send them straight back to Trauma Town), and the meeting between siegfried sassoon & wilfred owen. i find i don’t really have much to say about it, but it is very, very good. 4/5

how to pronounce knife, souvankham thammavongsa a short story collection mainly about refugees and migrants from laos to canada, many focusing on parent-child relationships and being forced to work in low-paid jobs, often ones that are damaging to their health. the stories are very well-observed and emotionally nuanced and detailed, but with 14 mostly very short stories, the collection as a whole felt a bit samey, which i guess is something i often experience with short story collections. 3/5

faces in the water, janet frame horrifying semi-autobiographical novel about a young woman stuck in new zealand’s mental health system, moving to different hospitals but mostly from ward to (more depressing) ward in the 40s/50s. while there is a shift in attitudes during her stay that sometimes makes the wards more tolerable, mostly the patients are neglected, abused, and the threat of electric shock therapy and lobotomy always hangs over them. 3/5

the upstairs house, julia fine fuck why did i read so many books about mental health conditions this month??? this is another entry in my casual ‘motherhood as horror’ reading project, in which a new mother develops post-partum psychosis & imagines the modernist children’s book writer she’s writing her dissertation on and her poet sometimes-lover haunting her and her child (margaret wise brown & michael strange, who are real people i was utterly unaware of). this does pretty good on the maternal horror front, but i wasn’t entirely sold on the literary haunting. 2/5

1000 serpentinen angst, olivia wenzel a very interesting novel about a woman struggling with grief over her brother’s suicide, an anxiety disorder, the (non)state of a (non)relationship and discrimination/marginalisation based on her identity as a black, east-german, bi woman (while also being, as she notes, financially privileged). much of the novel is written in a dialogue between the narrator and an unnamed (& probably internal) interlocutor, which was p effective for a novel more focused on introspection than much of a plot. 3/5

atlas: the archaeology of an imaginary city, dung kai-cheung (tr. from chinese by the author, anders hansson, bonnie mcdougall) fictitious theory about a slightly-left-of-reality version of hong kong and how maps (re)construct the city, very heavy on the postmodern poststructuralist postcolonial (and some other posts, i’m sure). in many ways my jam. unfortunately my favourite parts of this were the author’s preface and the first part (fictitious theory of mapping alternate hong kong); the rest felt very repetitive and not particularly interesting, altho i’m sure i was also just missing a lot of cultural context. 2.5/5

under the net, iris murdoch .........i liked the other two murdochs i’ve read (the sea, the sea & a severed head) quite a lot so either i was not in the mood for her very peculiar style of constructing novels and characters or, this being her first novel, she just wasn’t in full command of that peculiar style yet but man this was a slooooooooog. don’t stretch out your modern picaresque with an incredibly annoying narrator over more than 300 pages iris!!!! 2/5 bc this probably has some merit & i just wasn’t into it

the impossible revolution: making sense of the syrian tragedy, yassin al-haj saleh (tr. from arabic by i. rida mahmoud) collection of articles and essays saleh (a syrian intellectual & activist who spent 16 years in a syrian prison) wrote from 2011 to 2015, analysing the reasons for, potential and development of the revolution, as well as some background sociological discussion on the assads’ regime. very interesting, very dense, very depressing. wouldn’t necessarily recommend it as a first read on the topic tho. 3/5

angels in america: millenium approaches & perestroika, tony kushner the page to tumblr darling quote ratio in this is insane (”just mangled guts pretending” and so on) and also it just really slaps on every level. also managed to get me from 0 to crying several times. brilliant work of theatre, would love to see it staged (or filmed). 4/5

life: a user’s manual, georges perec (german tr. by eugen helmlé) 99 chapters, each corresponding with a single room in a parisian apartment block; some chapters are basically ‘here’s the room, here’s a long list of objects in the room, that’s it bye :)’, some are short insights into the lives of the people living there, some (the best, mostly) are long, absolutely wild tales that are sometimes only tangentially connected to the room in question. why are the french like this. 61/99 rooms 

sisters in hate: american women on the front lines of white nationalism, seyward darby (audio) nonfiction about women’s role in white nationalist hate movements, mainly based on the stories of three women who are or have been involved with various contemporary american alt-right/racist/neonazi hate groups, while also looking at general social trends and the history of white women’s role in white supremacy. interesting and engaging if you’re interested in this kind of thing. if you’re both politically aware and internet poisoned, it’s probably not much that is completely new to you but still worth reading. 3/5

starting in april i will be Gainfully Employed (ugh) & thus probably not read as much or read even more bc i have no energy for anything else 

#the books i read #long post

[steelmagnoliamusic]

24 September 2020

Unexpected Music Drop: “Skinny Skinny” by Ashton Irwin from his debut album Superbloom (out Oct. 23rd).

Yesterday, 23 September 2020, at 1:17pm, while I was working on homework, my roommate notified me that Ashton Irwin, drummer for 5 Seconds of Summer and love of my life, is releasing solo material. Because of COVID-19, the quarantine cancelled their tour, and everyone got cooped up inside, but rather than take a well deserved break, Irwin decided to keep his creative juices flowing. He worked on his own music, which talked about important issues and topics he has and continues to face. From depression to eating disorders and body dysmorphia to alcoholism and addiction, we learn a little more about Irwin and a lot more respect for him.

Now when I say he is the “love of my life,” I don’t mean he’s attractive to me (I mean he is but that’s not the point.) I mean his character and personality are unparalleled. You watch him in interviews and interacting with fans, and you can tell how proud and appreciative and genuine he is about what he does and the people who support him. He hasn’t hidden his struggles, like the ones I had mentioned, but he uses his experience to help others find hope and positivity in their lives again, myself included. You can tell how much he’s grown and how much more he wants to grow both as an artist and as a person. He is, in my opinion, one of those people who can say “I love you” and never have to doubt if he means it.

Ashton Irwin and everything he’s done means a lot to me personally. As you know, I lost my dad a little over 2 1/2 years ago. My dad was the one who built the foundation for my love of music. I remember driving with him when I’d go over to his house, and we’d listen to Kasey Kasem reruns, and he could always tell you which song was playing by which artist off which album from which year. It was impressive, and I still wish I could do that. Most of the music I listen to today I got from my dad. So when he passed, there was a bit of a void because music didn’t feel the same. It was still my go-to escape, but losing my dad also made it hard to listen to the stuff we used to. And yes, I admit I’ve had a crush on Ashton for years. I’ve always liked him, and I’ve always been able to relate to him in some way. So when my dad died, Ashton became a sort of solace for me — the one who kept me sane and kept me going and told me not to give up because if anyone could understand the emotional/mental pain I was/am in, help me to love and appreciate myself again, give me some hope and positivity when I needed, it’d be him. Ashton also, I guess, took on the mantle my dad had. I get my music tastes from him because, honestly, his voice and sound and music tastes are phenomenal. Though I’m not a “musician” myself, I learn from him, and I get my creative inspirations from him. Again, for me it’s not how he looks that attracts me to him, it’s who he is as a person and what he stands for as an artist. This is subjective, I know, but to be honest, I believe Ashton Irwin is the only good man I know. Like, I know good men who have guided me in my life, but Ashton for lack of a better term is pure and real. He is the epitome of who I think a good man is. It’s dangerous to hold someone to such a high standard without knowing them personally, but it’s what I feel. I honestly didn’t think I would ever be loved by somebody. I still don’t. I’m still convinced that no one cares about me, no one loves or wants me, no one appreciates me or respects me, that I’m not attractive enough or “normal” enough, that I’m not worth anyone’s time or attention. But when I see Ashton or I hear his voice or listen to him sing, for a moment I don’t feel those things. So far, he’s the only one who has ever made me feel otherwise. Again, I don’t know him personally, and I know the version of him in my head is not who he is in real life, but Ashton helps me get through the day. He helped me get past those terrible days when I just wanted to fade from existence. His smile makes me smile. He makes me feel better. Truth: I respect and appreciate him more than words can express. He is my hero.

So to hear about this solo venture of his (don’t worry, he’s not leaving 5SOS) is incredible. To have watched and grown with him is an honor to me. For Ashton to be so confident and comfortable enough with himself, his band, his music, us, the place he’s at, it’s amazing. I couldn’t be prouder to experience this with him.

His debut single, “Skinny Skinny” is off his debut album Superbloom, which comes out Oct. 23, and it’s fucking A. this specific song brings up the reality of eating disorders and body dysmorphia — something that he, his friends and family, and many of us have dealt with. He calls out the impossible standards we hold about the “perfect body” and the body shame we feel from that idea: “eat, but don’t get fat. Be skinny, but not too skinny, show off your assets so people don’t think you’re a slut and cover up but not too much so people don’t think you’re a prude. Fat is ugly. Why do you look like that?” and so many more things that society and we tell ourselves. It’s impossible to look like those people in magazines when even they don’t look like themselves in magazines. Everyone is different — size, shape, color, build, health, basic chemistry and biology — there is no such thing as the perfect  body except for the one you already have. (Obviously, still keep your health in mind. I don’t want any of y’all to get sick or hurt because of a health issue. I have high cholesterol and PCOS, I have to think about that stuff too. But that still doesn’t mean who you already are and what you already look like is wrong or bad in any way.) This idea of a “perfect body” is dangerous. It makes us hate ourselves and our bodies, and it causes us serious mental and physical health issues, i.e. body image issues/body dysmorphia and eating disorders. Ashton said it perfectly. We don’t “feel at home in our own bodies” when that should be the one place we can always feel at home.

Truth: I’ve only listened to this song since it released yesterday at 11pm. It’s literally on repeat now. So if “Skinny Skinny” is any indication of what we can expect from Superbloom, we are in for a Holy Spirit-inspired, God-given miracle. (Sorry to bring religion out. It’s the best analogy I could think of.) Ashton Irwin is so damn talented.his voice and range are jaw-dropping and impeccable. His music style and sound are amazing. Proud doesn’t even begin to describe how much this means to me. It’s more than pride, respect, admiration, appreciation, or even love. It’s just a part of myself that I either never knew was there or how much it affected me. I know I have depression, anxiety, ADHD, PTSD, but there’s all these other things too that play in my mind and affect how I see myself and the world. And now there’s words for it, for the thoughts and feelings.

Just amazing.

I can’t wait for his album to drop on October 23rd. There’s no doubt in my mind that it will be anything less than awe-inspiring. I’m so happy and proud of him and this “side journey” he’s on, and I’m proud and honored to be a part of it.

For the God-given love of music,

Big Shot

#new music #music appreciation #solo debut #ashton 5 seconds of summer #ashton irwin #skinny skinny #superbloom #music review #music recommendation #off day thursday

[tonya-the-chicken]

I wrote this post some time ago as a reply to someone and now I somehow want to post it again with some changes lol

TW: mentions of murder, referenced canon abuse and swearing

Let’s talk about redemption arcs and people’s overwhelming desire to punish fictional characters for what they did... Inspired by Endeavor hate ngl... I mostly speak about fictional charcters in this post so pllease, don’t go dumb and understand that fictional characters and irl people should be treated differently

I think sometimes people don`t understand why punishment exists in our society at all. Like, why couldn`t we just forgive? Why punishment is needed? Oh, I would like to talk about behavioural psychology, but it is kinda creepy so instead let`s remember what my teacher of LAWS said(idk what you call it in your bitchass America)

Punishment basically serves two functions:

Preventative (show others and a person that they can’t just get away with their deeds). Like, if you knew that there are no negative consequences, wouldn`t you do it? Wouldn`t you kill the old lady?

Correction and all work with a person in general (for example, you can be forced to go through some psychological help)

Also, I lied there’s one more: compensation. Like, if you stole something, then bring money back, you little shit. Or pay for therapy for your victim

So when we put it into stories and so popular nowadays redemption arcs (which I fucking adore if they are done correctly) we have 4 points out of this 3 cause the first one can be put into two

Character is punished to show others that this is not something you should do (it’s a kinda societal thing and has nothing to do with character in particular. This point in general is not interesting because it doesn’t drives changes in person by itself)

Character is punished so he himself would think twice before doing this shit again (we can’t know if person’s remorse is genuine so it’s better to simply scare them. But I can allow skipping this point if person’s remorse is clealy shown to be genuine and we as readers understand that. That’s probably the big distinction we, as readers, should see: while irl we never know persons true motives, work of fiction can provide them to us clearly)

Character changes and understands what is wrong in what he has done (the part of redemption we all love and enjoy)

Characters work hard to correct or atone for their mistakes

As we can see first two bullets has nothing to do with character development and serve for the purpose of maintaining order. The third one IS a character development and the last one is what makes people actually forgive horrible actions and not go ape shit I guess. But for some of us nothing is enough, isn`t it?

And there is one more shit that is often in redemption arcs and that shit is great and I fucking love it

Explanation of the character’s behaviour, their reasoning and motivation

I truly enjoy reading about WHY characters behave a certain way but people, remember, SAD BACKSTORY IS NEVER AN EXCUSE FOR YOUR ACTIONS. Same goes to your mental problems and hard life situation. The fact that behaviour can be explained doesn’t mean shit. Like, behaviour also follows certain laws and despite the fact that it’s sometimes hard to understand all the details we still theoretically can explain ANY BEHAVIOUR. Does this mean we can excuse any behaviour? HELL NO

So remember folks, “They had their reasons to do this” means nothing most of the time. “I wanted to try how it feels” is actually a valid reason to kill someone, you know. Of course, if crimes is not severe, reasoning suddenly can be very important like we won`t punish harshly someone who stole bread cause he is starving or cause he has kleptomania (I mean as a literal disorder). But even in that case you must pay back money cause like stealing is bad but eat the rich

let`s talk examples from bnha cause why not

Endeavour

We have Enji oh my baby you have done so much stupid shit you dumbass. Sad backstory even if will be brought up in the future, currently is not a focus of redemption at all. Like, he even doesn`t explain his behaviour too much. “He want to be the strongest, so he decided that even if his genes will make it to the top it will be enough. As a result,  blinded by his goal,   he abused his family”. Basically, it`s all the explanation we have right now. And if Hori stops at it I will be fine with it. Honestly, as much as I want to learn more about Enji’s past if Horikoshi leaves everything at this I would give him nothing but mad respect cause... This kind of shows that your reasoning doesn’t matter that much if you did horrifying things

So 3 points to redeem someone

Enji didn’t suffer any punishment for his actions (nightmares are considered punishment only if you believe in God. Also, too weak, God, try harder... And same goes for High-End). When I think about him being punished I actually worry about society’s reaction cause, like, he is number 1 hero and the fact that he’s an abuser will be, like, very shocking to simple people.Trust in hero will fall harder than my will to live during 2020. And honestly, media would just turn this into a drama possibly hurting other members of his family, like.... Enji being legally punished for his action would be an interesting plotline but in general I am not a fan

We see his genuine remorse and character growth. We all agree that he even is drawn differently now changed and trying to become a better person, yeah? Clumsily at first, but he genuinely works hard to be a better peron, hero and father. I can respecct that

Compensation… Well, you can exactly “correct” trauma so he should pay up for psychologists for each child he probably should follow the path of atonement and try to give them something he robbed them from. Like, go to family dinners with Fuyumi even though every last one of them is a disaster and nobody is happy to be there. Or make everything possible to provide Rei calm life with her children (like building a new house, yes, this is an amazing thing) or at least become *reducted cause I wanna this post to be serious and SFW*... Tbh I have nothing to say, he himself says multiple times that he seeks nothing but atonment, not even forgiveness

So like you better work bitch to make your family happy bastard... [And tbh they seem so much better then when I first wrote this post, I am so proud of you, my garbage fire man]

Overhaul

In no way is he redeemed but somehow people put Overhaul and Endeavor stans in the same category so here he goes

Kai has something Enji doesn’t: very good and detailed explanation, a plan, a smart reasoning. His wrong deeds were basically for a better good he believed in. But we all collectively hate him for what he done to Eri despite his actions having r E A S o n S. Dude has some MOTIVATION. So like yeah bros. It makes him an interesting character and he is an amazing villain but dude deserves to rot in prisons. He shows no remorse and I am gonna bet he won`t even think about somehow helping others. Dude is a shitty person. And I fucking love him

So let’s go for our 3 bullets again

Punishment. Yes, he is punished, he is in jail with both his hands cut off. Would it make people forgive him? Nah

Personal growth. I would like to see it but as far we saw barely no growth... Though maybe being in jail without quirk will make his brain work

Atonement... Dude has a Messiah complex, I ain’t waiting for that anytime soon

So I asked myself if I had two men: one who spent a sentence in jail for child abuse but is more or less the same person and another who wasn’t punished for his abuse but feel genuine remorse and actively try to make things better who will I choose? Of course, I will choose Pikachu

But is it possible to redeem Overhaul? I wonder if there`s a force in this world strong enough to make him become a better person. Welp... I am a sucker for redemptions, justt letting you know

All for One

Oh, he is irredeemable (and this is sexy). Why is he here? Cause, well

Even if he is punished there`s no punishment severe enough to describe how horrifying his deeds are

Even if he is to feel remorse… he has like 500 years or something??? And he didn`t feel anything killing people??? So why would he change today?

Even if he atone for what he’s done… I am to believe he started at least a civil war. You can`t atone for that bitch. You crossed all fucking lines, all fucking lines

AfO is literally the most evvil man in bnha... I don’t want to see him redeemed cause I love characters that are pure evil and I love the despair of realizing you can’t fix what you have done. Though you are free to have a different opinion! Who knows, maybe Horikoshi will make a classy redemption for him and I will scream out of excitement? Cause I am that kind of bitch??? Who knows! I just love to think Doctor Ujiko is gay for him

Anyway, why do people like to make this characters suffer? Like, Endeavor, Minoru, Overhaul, many others? Is this part of the “punishment” to feel like person paid for their deeds? Or do people just like fictional violence and punishing “bad” characters make them feel good about themselves? Who knows

I have no idea what this post is about I want to sleep and I like Enji though if you dislike him this is fine. I hope it was interesting reading this, love you all bye

Don’t kill me for my controversial takes, I am depressed

#overhaul #endeavor #all for one #redemption arc #bnha #bnha meta #yea I do classify my bullshit post as meta BYYE #bnha endeavor #bnha overhaul #enji todoroki #kai chisaki #boku no hero academia #don't take this too seriously though #original post was written when I was on heavy meds #so idk #my post #really hope you enjoy it #long post

[marksburyscripts]

Season 1, Episode 5-- Heartwrench

Google Doc

[Henry’s hospital room. Day. There are no longer the sounds of life support.]

VICTOR

...You’re sure it’s okay?

HENRY

Yeah, it’s fine. Whatever helps. Record away.

VICTOR

All right. Thanks.

HENRY

...You don’t have to be nervous, you know.

VICTOR

I’m not.

HENRY

Then why are you doing that?

VICTOR

Doing what?

HENRY

You’re clenching and releasing your hand, and you’re rocking a bit in your chair. Both of which you do when you’re nervous. Seriously, how long have I known you? [Beat.] No, you don’t have to stop.

VICTOR

Oh thank God. [Beat.] ...How’re you feeling?

HENRY

Like I’ve been in a coma for the better part of a year. But lucid, so that’s an improvement, I guess.

VICTOR

Right. Right, yeah.

HENRY

...You know we’ve gotta talk about this, right?

VICTOR

Henry, shouldn’t we wait until you’re--

HENRY

No. We’re doing it now. While you’re recording. ...Victor, please tell me that I’m remembering wrong. Please tell me that I’ve just got some real bad brain damage and it’s fucking with me. That I didn’t walk in on some… first attempt at reanimating a fucking corpse.

VICTOR

[Mumbled] Second.

HENRY

Excuse me?

VICTOR

It was a second attempt, I’d done it before.

HENRY

Jesus Christ.

VICTOR

Also it’s not technically reanimation. If it had been a single body, sure, but I used materials from several donors--

HENRY

What the hell is wrong with you? In what fantasy could you ever see that turning out well? That’s the kind of shit that horror movies are made from!

VICTOR

I’m sorry, I--

HENRY

You were stupid! You were stupid, and reckless, and you didn’t think about the consequences!

VICTOR

I know, I just--

HENRY

Oh my God, that’s what the fire was about, wasn’t it? That had something to do with it. You freaked out, and you tried to burn the evidence. So what, you figured you’d risk more lives then, too? What if there had been people in there, Victor, what then?! Is that what attacked me? And did-- Did Justine really kill your brother? Or was that part of it, too? You have people’s lives on your conscience, all because you wanted to fuck around and find out if you could--

VICTOR

I just wanted my mom back, okay?! I know I fucked up. Believe me, I don’t need any more reminders. But I-- I had my reasons, it wasn’t just some ego trip.

HENRY

[Calmer now] ...Does Elliot know?

VICTOR

I’m sure he figured it out, yeah.

HENRY

What’s that supposed to mean?

VICTOR

Oh. Oh God, they didn’t tell you.

HENRY

Tell me what?

VICTOR

...Henry, Elliot’s dead.

HENRY

Oh God. God, I…. I’m so sorry, I…. How’s your dad taking it?

VICTOR

Well, considering he died two days later, I’d say not very well.

HENRY

What?

VICTOR

[Getting more and more distraught] He’s dead too, Henry. Him, Elliot, my mother, Billy, Justine. Everyone is dead, and I have been so alone and so scared, and I have no idea what I am supposed to do.

HENRY

...Hey. C’mere. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m just stressed, I shouldn’t have said all that shit.

VICTOR

You have every right to.

HENRY

No, being a dick won’t fix anything. Plus, you’ve obviously been through hell. Your glasses look like you were just at a 4Chan meetup.

VICTOR

[Laughs] I don’t know what that means.

HENRY

It means you need to get some damn lens cleaner, how the hell can you see out of those thing?

VICTOR

Just used to it, I suppose.

HENRY

You hear from Evelynn at all?

VICTOR

Take a guess.

HENRY

That’ll be a no. You try talking to her?

VICTOR

Of course not.

HENRY

...So you’re upset that you’ve been alone, yet you haven’t even tried to get in contact with your sister?

VICTOR

Look, I don’t need a lecture right now, okay? I get enough of those from Dr Walton.

HENRY

Wait, you’re seeing Dr Walton? Like, Robert Walton? Kinda short, always has a bow tie?

VICTOR

Yeah…? Do you know him, or…?

HENRY

Sort of, he was a guest speaker for my Abnormal Psych class during undergrad. He seems good.

VICTOR

Yeah, I suppose.

HENRY

How much you tell him?

VICTOR

I’m not sure I could tell him what happened even if I wanted to.

HENRY

...What happens when you try?

VICTOR

Don’t. Don’t do that.

HENRY

Do what?

VICTOR

That. You’re trying to… diagnose me.

HENRY

No, you’re my friend and I don’t have a license to practice. That’s illegal. I’m… offering informed advice.

VICTOR

Yeah, well, I’ll save you the trouble. Clinical depression, post traumatic stress disorder, and paranoid personality disorder. Though that last one is debatable. I might be missing some. Come back when you finish your Ph.D, Clerval.

HENRY

[Softly] Jesus…. [Trying to lighten the mood now] Doing it then it would be even more illegal. Then we’ll have two criminals here. [Beat.] Sorry. That wasn’t as funny as I expected it to be.

VICTOR

No. No, it’s fine. You’re not wrong. [Laughs] Should’ve seen what it was like trying to find a job with an arson charge. I’m lucky I managed to get the one I have.

HENRY

Yeah? What job’s that?

VICTOR

I’m over at Harris’ down on Main Street.

HENRY

Holy shit. The great Victor Frankenstein, the mad genius, the Prometheus of the 21st century, is selling discount hardware.

VICTOR

Well, I don’t actually sell anything most of the time. I’m customer service. Mostly returns, taking phone calls, fun stuff like that.

HENRY

You’re fucking with me. You hate talking on the phone.

VICTOR

And I hate my job. But if they’re willing to give a felon minimum wage, who am I to argue?

HENRY

Hey man, whatever works. I do have one more question, though. 

VICTOR

Okay?

HENRY

Is that the hoodie I lent you that day?

VICTOR 

Oh, um, right, yeah. I-- I was going to give it back, but then you-- You know, and then I was just so distracted, between worrying about you and the police hounding me--

HENRY

Hold on, police?

VICTOR

Oh. Right. They, um… They thought that I did it for a while. Elliot, too.

HENRY

Oh God. 

VICTOR

I mean, I can't blame them. I've got a record, and that's a lot of people close to me who--

[The door opens. Both men are silent for a moment.]

HENRY

Hello…?

VICTOR

Sorry. That’s probably me.

HENRY

What?

VICTOR

Things have been… weird. It’s a long story.

HENRY

You built a person out of corpses, and I’m bedridden for who knows how long. I’ve got all the time in the world for the details.

VICTOR

...Ever since I…. Ever since the fire, things have been… happening around me. I know how this is going to sound, but you need to believe me, okay? Ever since I… made it… it’s like…. I don’t know. It doesn’t even really make sense, I-- The two concepts aren’t even remotely similar, I--

HENRY

Hey. Hey, breathe for me, okay? 

VICTOR

Okay. Okay, sorry. ...That was the first night that I experienced something that I was unable to explain. Granted, I wasn’t exactly in the best mental state at the time, so for a while, I figured that it must have been a hallucination. I’ll be honest, sometimes I’m still able to convince myself that it was. But I know it’s not. 

VICTOR (Cont.)

Sorry. Sorry, let me back up. [Sighs] The… first signs of life came at 1:15 AM. The rise and fall of the chest, the flicker of movement behind the eyelids. Whether or not there was cognitive function had yet to be seen, but… I suppose you know how that turned out. It was at 1:16 that everything started to go downhill. When I realized what I’d done, when-- when the possible consequences hit me all at once. The wrongness of the situation, I…. I almost didn’t hear it. Or-- No. No, I didn’t hear it so much as I felt it. I felt a voice throughout my body, in every single nerve, clawing its way into my subconscious. I-- I couldn’t make out what it was saying, but… I got the sickening feeling that it was proud of me. Proud of what I’d managed to achieve. Whether or not anything happened for the couple months that I was in the hospital afterwards, I can’t really say. I was in shock, I couldn’t tell you what was real and what was hallucination. Honestly, you’d probably be better at figuring out if anything odd was happening during that time, you were there. But what I can tell you is that it never stopped. Sometimes the TV would turn on in the middle of the night blasting static, a couple times I woke up in the morning to find my glasses outside on the windowsill. Then there are the more… sinister ones. Beings that aren’t quite human, there one moment, gone the next. Or sinking, terrifying senses of dread that lead up to disaster.

HENRY

So… you’re seeing ghosts?

VICTOR

No, obviously not ghosts, ghosts don’t exist. Jeeze, you sound like Elliot. [He laughs, but it fades]  ...Not ghosts. But… something. Something that found me that night and hasn’t left me alone since. It’s all connected, I know it is. I just need to analyze everything. You know me, I work with data and research. If I can get the evidence, I can work out what’s going on. I even ended up setting cameras up in my house, but… they always freeze up whenever something happens. Typical. Either that or-- Or I don’t even have it happen myself, sometimes it’s other people who--

HENRY

Wait. Other people?

VICTOR

Yes. But it’s not like I want it to happen, it just does. I usually don’t even know them. I just… hear about them on the news, or sometimes they tell me themselves if I happen to run into them.

HENRY

...And strangers just tell you about all the creepy shit that happens to them?

VICTOR

...Sometimes, yeah.

HENRY

...You know what, I’m not going to even pretend to be surprised.

VICTOR

Honestly, that’s how I deal with it. So yeah. There you go. Spooky.

HENRY

...Do people get hurt because of it? [Victor doesn’t answer] Shit…. Well then. That settles it. I guess we’ve got work to do.

VICTOR

What?

HENRY

I said, we’ve got work to do. Maybe you’re content wallowing in self-pity while creepy shit radiates off of you, but I sure as hell won’t sit on my ass as it happens.

VICTOR

Henry--

HENRY

I know what you’re doing. You’re treating it like some punishment. Like you deserve it. Well, I’m here to tell you that you don’t. And neither does anyone else. You fucked up, yeah. And I’m not going to lie, it’s going to take some time for us to get back to the way we were. But it’s like you said. You had your reasons. You didn’t mean for it all to go to hell. And you didn’t kill them. So you and me are going to buck up and--

[He is cut off by a sound of pain as he moves]

VICTOR

Hey, whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. We'll figure it out. We have time to plan, take action, whatever we need to do. But right now, what you need to do is rest. I'll wash the hoodie and bring it back first thing tomorrow. 

HENRY

Nah, you keep it. It suits you, I can always get another. Plus, who the hell knows where you've been the past year? 

VICTOR 

[He laughs. This time it feels genuine] Asshole.

NEXT EPISODE➝

#Season 1 #Epsiode 5 #Victor Frankenstein #Henry Clerval

[gothic-discourse]

A Rant by a Transmedicalist. (ME)

Transmedicism Rant:

Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders- Fifth Addition, or the DSM-5 States that "GENDER is used to denote the public (and usually legally recognized) lived role as a boy or girl, man or woman, but, in contrast to certain social contructionist theories biological factors are seen as contributing, in interaction with social & psychological factors, to gender development."

--

Couple things to note here.

1) Biology influences Gender.

2) Look at that nice little fuck you to the social sciences in their sentence.

3) "boy or girl" "man or woman" There's only two genders, who would have guessed.

"But wait, what about "Gender Identity" ?"

Well the DSM-5 states; "GENDER IDENTITY is a category of social identity & refers to an individual's identification as male, female, or some other category other than male or female."

There you go Tucutes a nice label for y'all to use. "Gender Identity is a Social construct while Gender is a mix." (Sarcasm)

So, why the fuck is this important?

This distinction is a real issue Now because, Tucutes & MOGAI are trying to pressure the American Psychiatric Association, or the APA to remove the Mental Illness label from Gender Dysphoria, and this isn't because the condition doesn't fit the definition of mental illness it's because, of Tucutes/MOGAI putting their feelings before facts.

Just in case anyone is confused. Mental Illness =/= (Doesn't mean/equal) it's made up, or pyschological.

People suffer from cronic depression because, of a chemical imbalance in their brain, So despite the counter intuitive name, it doesn't mean it’s made up.

So, the problem is by attempting to cement this idea that Gender is entirely social into the minds of the masses, they're implying that anything under the label Transgender, Is Social. Except it's NOT.

Gender Dysphoria is Biological.

Transgender doesn't only mean "people that want to transition" i.e. ftm men & mtf women. Transgender is an incredibly broad label, that everyone has a somewhat different definition for.

The APA, the people who write the DSM & all of its additions, State;

"TRANSGENDER - the broad spectrum of individuals who transiently or permanetly identify with a gender different from their natal gender."

So that includes people:

- With Gender Dysphoria

- Who are Gender Non-Conforming

- Who are "Genderq^eer"

- and all that other bs ( the MOGAI "genders")

AND THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

We have evidence that Gender Dysphoria is a biological & neurological condition, but

we don't yet have evidence that any of the MOGAI "genders" has any sort of biological basis.

In fact the Tucute/MOGAI community completely miss that point completely by CREATING their own distinction between Sex & Gender. So, that they don't n e e d a biological basis.

My purpose in saying all this is that Gender Dysphoria should NOT be in the same category as MOGAI “genders” Gender Dysphoria has biological evidence. MOGAI “genders” do not. Gender Dysphoria is a mental disorder. MOGAI "genders" are not. Not a medical mental disorder at least. (lol.)

Having a biological & medical disorder lumped in with all that other stuff is creating too much fucking confusion.

And, Yes I said disorder. Because, if you were born with a condition, that you have no control over, that makes you 'feel like you were born in the wrong body, or the wrong sex/gender' & this feeling is so debilitating it causes you untold ammounts of stress, discomfort, and most the time depression, that's a disorder. Mechanically that's obviously not supposed to be the way the brain works, because if it was, humans would've never made it past prehistoric times.

"But, Aalis, why is it so important that it retains the Mental Illness label? That just makes people feel bad?!?"

It's important because it changes how the Medical Community treats the issue. As Blarie White once said, " Why can't we do both, though. That's like saying, that um, you can simultaneously fight for people to be kind to Autistic people and also look for a cure. How about we do both.

That'd be great. Because, actually insisting on this accepting people, and to just don't worry about it because, “everything's normal, everything's fine”; It actually leads to political correctness, which leads to no research being put into a cure. Which exacerbates all the suffering." (Her response to, "We can't support trans people and a cure at the same time.)

I don't agree that just because we don't currently have such a miracle pill, or maybe even something close to that, that doesn't mean we as a society should deny the Medical Reality and not continue research in that area. You're arguing Secondary reasons when agreeing with this, Not Primary reasons.

You're arguing against the Medical illness label not necessarily because, on its face it shouldn't be labled as such but, because of a precieved secondary effect of; Some people can justify being biggoted or can make individuals feel real bad. Which I understand, I get the dog whistle concern here. However, that's not going to help medical treatment in the long run.

"But, Aalis. There's people who want to transition but, don't have dysphoria!@?!!"

AND THAT IS WHY IT'S SO IMPORTANT TO SEPARATE GENDER DYSPHORIA FROM MOGAI "GENDERS"

Because, all the research on Transsexuals, (and for the record I'm going to start using the term Transsexual to refer to individuals who were born with Gender Dysphoria (a biolgical condition.) to distant it from the MOGAI "genders". )

All the research we have are of people with Gender Dysphoria, Because the idea that there are even people who believe they were born the wrong sex/gender BUT, don't have dysphoria is relatively NEW.

So, it hasn't been studied. We don't even know if it's a biological condition or a pyschological one.

Unfortunately, We don't yet have a biolgical/medical test to determine whether someone has gender dysphoria. We don't yet have a biological way of measuring what someones innate Gender or “Gender Identity” is, or what ever the fuck MOGAI & Tucutes are calling it.

We do have evidence that it is indeed innate BUT, not a clear "let's scan your Brain to see if you have Gender Dysphoria. That is, Biological Gender Dysphoria. NOT a pyschological issue that makes you think you're transgender.

Another reason why the distiction needs to be made so clear.

People who have purely pyschological reasons for wanting to be the opposite gender ( or MOGAI "genders") should NOT being using biological hormones & physical surgery. Those options should only be for people that have a biological & neurological condition. People who use feelings towards their gender do not have the ability to be transient ( to change )

"But, Aalis, It sounds like you're talking about Trans-Regret. That's a tiny number of cases and a dog whistle for Transphobia!!?"

SHUT YOUR FUC--

Supposedly Trans-Regret is not common. I say supposedly because, I haven't done research into that yet. Cause' it's not a direct correlation to what I am talking about now. Regret could be very low now but, as Blaire White once said, " This is a very new phenomenon. There are no long term studies that show a person 30/40 years old, that had transitioned at 12/13 & how their life ended up. It's just never happened, it's all still very new."

Because, until recently the stigma against transsexual people was so high that it would be very uncommon for someone who only has a pyschological complex to go through the transitioning process.

However, Because we are living in F U T U R E W O R L D O F 2019 society has become far more accepting of Transsexual people. Which is good and the way it should be, BUT it does also mean that it would be more likely for people who are only psychologically "trans" or Gender Non-Conforming, to be confused with people who have a biological & neurological condition.

The DSM and all it's addtions are supposed to be a guide book to help doctors make a distinction between someone who actually has gender dysphoria someone who does not. Biological VS Physiological.

" But, Aalis, I just read the DSM's criteria of Gender Dysphoria, and there is nothing specifically in it about making this distinction between biological VS pyschological???"

Yes, and that's because psychiatry (APA) looks at stuff through primarily a biological lens. So, they are operating under assumption of if you don't have a biological reason for something, then you don't have it. Combine that with the fact that this current societal focus on understanding Transgender issues, is NEW, and the DSM-5 was written before that & this creates a problem.

Since we don't yet know how to create a definitive biological test, We can only rely on Self-Reporting & Observable behaviors. Which is why it is so problematic. Doctors have to somehow navigate this complicated maze to figure out whether someone actually has gender dysphoria or is just Gender Non-Conforming, or going through a phase/MOGAI "genders".

This is why Transsexual people feel like they have to go through so many hoops, and all this MOGAI stuff is only making the issue more confusing for everyone. Which means, you're making it harder for doctors to figure this shit out. Which means, more hoops.

Now let me make myself clear I'm not blaming the Trans movement or even suggesting that it must go away because "tHeY're cOnfUsIng tHe cHilDRen!1!!"

There's no hidden dog whilstle in what I am saying, I am only stating what is the reality of the situation and Unfortunately because our society, until recently, has been very biggoted for years aginast certain individuals that don't fit into specific gender roles, the Tucute Trans community is incredibly sensitive to anything that can even remotely be perceived as an attack. Which I understand.

However, the problem is when ever people go under intensive physical treatment for a condition, it’s the Medical community and even society's duty to make sure that an individual really requires that treatment because, having medical treatments that are either 'over prescribed', or turned out horrible have littered our history from blood letting, to shock treatment, to even staring at the sun for health reasons, & we can't forget about lobotomy.

Even now, there are concerns of kids being over prescribed Adderall & Riddilen*, Which is basically speed. Not to mention all the people with pain killer addictions. Being prescribed things you don't need can lead to messing with how your body and brain functions. That's why its important, although difficult, to put our emotions aside when dealing with these medical issues to avoid the Medical pitfalls that we humans have fallen into time, & time again.

Or just take everything I just said as merely "a dog whilstle" for Transphobia because I'm actually "a hateful biggot."

"Even if you're not a Transphobe Aalis, you keep making this distinction between biological and pyschological, Assuming doctors can even untangle these 'interlinked concepts'. Why should a person, who only has gender dysphoria psychologically not be allowed to Transition????"

Because, If your 'gender dysphoria' is purely pyschological, that means that “Gender Dysphoria” you’re experiencing is a SYMPTOM of another problem. It's not the problem itself. Allow me to give you a very over simplified example.

Lets look at Game of Thrones, Cersei Lannister, on several occasions has stated that she wishes she was born a male. Lets say there was some magic potion in G.O.T. that she could take to change her sex. You better believe she would drink it but, reason for this is not because, she has Gender Dysphoria.

Its not because, she has some innate feeling of being born in the wrong body/gender/sex. The reason is because she exist in a world where her biological sex/gender limits her ability to get power. Which is her primary goal. So, her complex for not being a male is secondary, it's a means to an end.

The doctors evaluating whether or not someone has gender dysphoria needs to concentrate on making sure the underlying problem is that the person feels that they are born the wrong gender because, they simply are. Something biologically innate.

Not that they were born the wrong gender, because they develop a negative pyschological complex about what means to be their birth gender, or a negitive pyschological complex about a specific body part that just so happens to be a body part realted to biological sex because, an issue like that is transient and can be revolved through other means.

"Fuck you Aalis, that Game of Thrones example was shit. It's far more complicated!!1!"

Yes, real life is more complicated.

So let me give you a more grounded example. While simultaneously criticizing the DSM & all of its additions. So far I have been seemingly deflating the DSM which maybe makes you believe that I think the DSM is some h o l y b o o k. The literal word from g o d. I don't and it's not. It has some very serious flaws in my opinion.

One of those flaws is in the creitiera of gender dysphoria. Right now, and adolescent female could be going through puberty; the time her chest starts growing, & if you happen to be this female or simply talk to someone about their experience you will find that many of those individuals actually had a quite negative experience with it when they were adolescent.

One such story that has always stood out to me is when a friend told me about how she developed breasts when she was 13, and how incredibly disturbing and some times scary for her it was to see grown men lusting sexually after her even though she was only 13. At least to me, it doesn't seem that out of the ordinary that someone in that position could develop a pyschological complex about their breasts.

In today's confusing world they could incorrectly assume that complex is meaning you have some Gender related issue, possibly even gender dysphoria, & under the current DSM-5 criteria, someone in that position could be incorrectly diagnosed as someone having gender dysphoria.

In fact, I once read an article titled, "My daughter isn't Transgender, She's a TomBoy."

The article describes how because, of all this confusion, This young 7 year old girl who is Gender Non-Conforming keeps being asked by teachers, her pediatrician, and even random adults who have known her for years, if she's sure she's not a boy.

Now, this girl has a strong sense of self so she's able to say, " No, I not a boy. I'm just a girl who likes things that are typically male." This is a happening because, of this confusion of Gender Dysphoria being compared to Gender Non-Conforming people &/or MOGAI "genders" and that’s because, we don't have this clear distinction between Transsexual and Gender Non-Conforming people &/or MOGAI "genders".

My fear is that not only are we confusing the fuck out of adults with the incorrect conflation of these terms but also, confusing kids who may be simply gender non-conforming making them think they are Transsexual.

And as a last note; Perhaps it's unfair for me to point this out but, I do find it somewhat ironic that the Tucute Trans community is fighting against the idea that the strict binary view of male and female gender by advocating a strict binary view of Sex & Gender.

End Rant.

#transmed #biology #politics #science #us politics #transsexual #exclusionist #pro transmed #trans discourse #transmedicalist #transmedicalism #trumed #truscum

[simplymaddox]

yeethaw and howdy once again partners, it’s me your least favorite texan sierra. i’ve had this character in mind from like the day that i picked up astrid & seren, and now i can finally pick up my edgy chaotic dumbass son. now let me introduce you to maddox anderson.

CHARLES MELTON - MADDOX ANDERSON identifies as CIS-MALE and uses HE/HIM pronouns. they’re a SINGER/ACTOR, and they’re only TWENTY-FOUR! they’re said to be CONFIDENT, but also DESTRUCTIVE. i guess that’s why they’re known as THE DESPONDENT in the tabloids. ( brendon urie / the maine )

biography: ( tw: car accident tw, r*pe tw, abuse tw, suicide tw, death tw, mental health tw, eating disorder tw, alcohol tw )

the fallen angel + the isolato — aka his early years [ 0 to 12. musings: 01. 02. 03. 04. ]

maddox was born into quite the wealthy family? like he was no socialite, but his parents had a high enough status to ‘spoil’ him and get her the the things he wanted, which honestly? wasn’t much

maddox’s mom was an a success story everyone wanted to copy, and as for his dad, he was best known for his acting and directing, they both kind neglected maddox? like they were always both so busy with work they basically missed his entire upbringing? his first word? they were busy taking calls. his first steps? her mom was at work and her dad was asleep. the two just didn’t seem ready for a kid honestly

when maddox was still small enough to not know any better, he was about 3, his family passed away in a car accident after they were hit head-on by a drunken driver

he was adopted by a nice family, his mother a canadian actress and producer, and his father a star player on the tornoto maple leafs

maddox sorta stuck out like a sore thumb compared to his adoptive parents? they were very outgoing and always in the public eye, meanwhile maddox was elusive and just wanted to be by himself

because he was so young when she was adopted, and was constantly around her parents, maddox has a very thick canadian accent? bUT he can also speak french

( okay getting back on track ) she became a child actor and starred on the hit tv show degrassi the next generation for nine seasons, she was constantly in and out of canada for filming, so to this day she considers canada home

the only problem? while on the show he was constantly raped and abused by the producers, they told her that in order to stay on the show it’s what she had to do, and so she listened, too afraid of disappointing her adoptive parents

the reveller + the addict + the cataclysmic  — aka his teen years [ 13 to 18. musings: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. ]

fINALLY he started actual high school and wasn’t pretending to be at one for a show anymore, and he moved back to new york full time

he ened up living next door to his best friend gianna. let me tell you these two were attached at the hip, there wasn’t a moment the two didn’t spend together

trying to distract himself from his crush on gia, maddox did a lot, he started dating some girl on the cheerleading team? and it was the worst decision ever? because she’d always say the wrong thing and maddox when hit her? and she’d do the same thing to him? the relationship was just t o x i c

not only that but he got her pregnant, too afraid of what everyone at school would say about her, she decided to get an abortion

maddox broke up with her shortly after which caused her to commit suicide, and to this day he blames herself, thinks if he stayed with her, they could’ve worked something out

maddox got diagnosed with depression, and an eating disorder ( a deadly mix of anorexia and bulimia ), so that year she heavily leaned on gianna, like there wasn’t a moment she wasn’t at her house

and that’s where they got to know each other better, they got so close, they’d hang out with each other after practices, at his house, at her house, she actually thought that maybe they had a connection, that all changed when she confessed something to him

gianna was like lmao i don’t feel the same way that you do, and i kinda just didn’t want to hurt your feelings? and maddox? having it been the first person that he geinunely fell in love with??? and the first person he trusted??? was fucked up by this???

he highkey pushed away everybody that he’d become friends with??? including gianna, he lowkey not so lowkey iced her out of his whole life

he had m a j o r anger issues at the point, and just would go out of his ways to start fights with people, especially when he’d go out to parties, you could bump into him and immediately he was ready to fight you

he was no longer the maddox that iced himself out from people, he was the maddox that went out to parties, smoked weed, did whatever he could get his hands on, and having sex with whoever he pleased

and then, he met him

the summer of his junior year they had a summer romance, said guy was also on the football team, but had being raped earlier on his life by men who took advantage of him maddox was ashamed of his sexuality, so when the senior year rolled around he restricted their relationship to hooking up behind the bleachers

went to college at juliard, with a full ride scholarship, and lowkey tried to basically forget her past life? she graduated with her bachelor of fine arts in acting

the despondent + the philophobe + the pastiche — aka his current years [ 19 to current. musings: 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. ]

info

[book-of-ryker]

When the Navy found out I smoked marijuana, I was at a firing range. I had an M-4 and an M-9, one being an automatic rifle, the other a pistol.

They disarmed me immediately, and I remember knowing why they did.

In the twenty seconds it took me to walk over to the disarming barrel, my thoughts were, “Pull the pistol out, put the barrel in your mouth and pull the trigger” for as many times I could mentally repeat before I lost the opportunity. I called my dad while a Chief was on his way to pick me up.

After the phone call, I deleted all of my Facebook messages at the recommendation of my father.

All of my text messages. too. My dad swore the Chief wasn’t my friend, and would screw me over at his first chance and not to tell him anything, at all.

The deleted threads of conversations with people who either didn’t exist anymore, or we had stopped talking.

I must have chain smoked about fifteen cigarettes in the hour and a half it took for this Chief to arrive.

All the while, I had been wishing that I had the courage to just pull that fucking trigger.

That anxiety was unbearable.

I went to a DRB, which is where I stand in front of a bunch of senior enlisted military.

At first, I came in with my shoulders back , military discipline and all. At the end, I was escorted out by a compassionate Master Chief, and I was bawling.

I have wanted to kill myself for as far back as I can remember. I smoked weed because all of my pain in life is unbearable and my mind never shuts the fuck up.

I don’t understand reality the way everyone seems to and it’s isolating, like being in the dimension next door.

"Most everyone who doesn’t know me resents me. Most everyone who knows me tolerates me," I tell myself.

I sat outside and cried, blubbering to these senior enlisted folks.

As a Second Class Petty Officer with all of the skills that I had possessed. I was in the United States Navy for five long years, and nine excruciating months and two awkward days.

I had been to mental health multiple times in my  Naval career. The first psychiatrist that I ever spoke to was at NATTC Pensacola.

It’s not even six months of me getting out of the Navy now...

My present life finds me in this bed at some house in South Carolina, Like a muscle, those words stream across my mind like a teleprompter, “You should have died on that day. You should have fucking killed yourself.”

And for myself, I finally gave myself the courage to tell myself, “No.” "I love you for just who you are. I love the way you think, I love the way you handle thing[s] (most of the time ^.^), I love what you do. You have a very solid and strong mind, you think things through very thoroughly, and you have a very good outward perspective. I don't know if that helps, but that's the best I can come up with while working." Let me tell you what I think happened before I tell you why I think we should reconnect. I'm 26 years old and the one and only thing in my life that I regret, to this day, is what I once said simply to hurt you. I was an awful boyfriend for you. Not all of the time, obviously. But my only regret comes from when I said out of annoyance and irresponsibility, 'I guess you're going to have to celebrate Thanksgiving without your boyfriend or your mom.." You eyes glazed over me. You slumped over. And you sobbed. I walked towards you and hugged you because that sort of rage-to-regret is exactly the kind of Bipolar Disorder that I am used to. It's been my entire life, Nicole. It's all I have ever known. Albeit, the worst of it all is over and I'm just waiting for all of my hopes and dreams to bloom into the flowers I have been cultivating. The night we went to Twin Peaks was the night you said goodbye, even though you never did. You and I both are aware that we would come across each other someday, I think. I don't have any proof for that delusion/hope, but hey, I don't know everything which means I have unfettered access to being totally wrong and totally right, until one of us is deceased. I do remember being in absolute bliss that night we met up and you were drunk with me in the Whataburger drive through and that's about all I have for that. Mike and I moved out of the house because we wouldn't be able to renew the lease before I had to get my new job in the Navy. I moved into an apartment on the second floor and I got a dog named Itachi. I did loads of LSD that I'd gotten and I had a REALLY FUCKING AWFUL TRIP with Hailey Campbell (also tripping) and Rian Nobles (not tripping). I went to my grandmother's funeral in New York with my Dad and Alex. I found out that my photographic memory is real because I reminded my Uncle about the fit my brother went into at the LAST funeral we gathered. Which was Renee's. I lived with Lauren Teston for a long time after that. I started smoking weed because, Nicole, I didn't know what to do.. Everyone has always left me, and I only NOW understand why: me. But I didnt see it like that. It didn't feel like that.. It didn't feel like I had an emotional problem. I didn't know. But in retrospect, Nicole, my emotions felt like a chainsaw to my insides. Our breakup was the healthiest breakup for me, and it was also the worst. (2020 readers, it got way worse) I didn't leave for California until right before October 10, 2016. I was trained to be an Engine Mechanic by the Seabees and I learned a fuck ton about cars. I did more PT than anywhere else in my military career. Every Friday was a 4:30 A.M., seven mile run with the whole school. Really, it was a fourteen mile run, but it makes me sound less of a douche if I say seven, maybe. I came home on leave for Christmas and I smoked even more weed. I came back to California to finish my school. Byy the way, there were two onomatopoeia's in a barracks room together: Petty Officer Quackenbush and Petty officer Miao (this or 'mao' is also the Chinese word for cat") I left Port Hueneme after meeting Johnny Depp in L.A. I drove, for the third time, across the country. I was at Gulfport, Mississippi for a few months, learning combat procedures with the Seabees. I pissed hot in Gulfport. I wrote a poem that I'll attach later about what that was like. I went to some military proceedings, reduced in rank,  lost a lot of money, had to go to two different hospitals for one month. I first went to Garden Park Hospital for a suicide watch that I had been placed under after the military proceedings had broken me down to where I couldn't take it anymore. I bawled my eyes out to men I'd never met because I could no longer believe that people didn't care about me. I was suicidal given the circumstances, but I was suicidal before I ever got caught smoking. The only reason I smoked was because I didn't want to be suicidal. A 51 year old woman tells me at this place that she, "Would be surprised if I never heard of you again. I stayed at Emerald Coast Behavioral Health (This is when I called you in 2017) and I learned an entirely different way of living. I was told that I have Bipolar Disorder I, Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety, Osteochrondroma in the left knee. I was told a handful of tools to help myself become a better person. I then went to restriction, which is where a person is constantly monitoring me while I do nothing but work and survive. I did that for forty five days which dragged forever. I left. I stayed with my dad and I had a good first month out of the Navy. I was happy. I was excited and nervous and terrified. I smoked SO much more weed. I drank SO much more booze. And cigarettes. I was helping my dad build a deck in the backyard. My car was repossessed about one and one half months after getting out. I had nothing. I started working under the table as a contractor for a few months, but my mom and I got into a fight and I was kicked out of the house for the second and last time of my life. I moved in and slept on a friends floor. He had a bum knee from a recent surgery and so I quasi-morphed into his at-home nurse. Started doing dabs and malt liquor with friends. Eating popcorn for food, drawing outside for five hours, drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. I did this for a month until my depression (booze) had become evil. I tried hanging myself on a dog line and I had to leave their house.. I stayed with my dude Sam for a few days and then moved in with my brother for a day. I feel nothing for him anymore, and so I really dont want to elaborate about this because he will always be a peace of shit. I went to a music festival that got shutdown by a hurricane. I got to do LSD/blow/weed for free because I was working security and I have worked with the team before. Hell, the guy in charge personally handed me $275 because of how badass of a watchstander I am. I then migrated to Asheville, North Carolina where my eyes were opened to the world we live in. And how great a thing love is, Nicole Renee Gable. But after this, I really had nowhere to go. That is until I remembered that I knew a guy from when I was in Japan.. We only ever really interacted in the smokepits. After he found out I had been sleeping on the floor of my friends house, he told me that if I was ever in South Carolina that he had a guest bedroom waiting for me. I lived with him and his wife and their son while I got a job as a forklift driver at BMW. I got another car (since been repossessed, not as debilitating for me now). I moved out and lived with a dude that I thought was a friend. He ended up being a real twat of a motherfucker. Before I knew he was a real dullard, I left BMW about two weeks of me living with him. It was too military.A HUGE millitary-industrial complex. He fucked me over so that I had nowhere to go and I didnt have a job. He left. I had the apartment by myself. It was a blur of events past that. Between the weed, the booze and the mental health issues, I am grateful to be writing this. This guy's stripper girlfriend (Her name is Sam and she's nice as well as bananas) came to find me in a fucked up mess of my own doing at the apartment. After I came to, she and I decided that I needed to check myself into a mental health center. With no insurance. I had only a few boxes of stuff (I drove down to Florida at one point to get my shit). After I was in for a week (I know what I'm about and the solutions I need), I got a job working as a cook in a strip club. The BEST job I ever had because I actually made some good money. (30 girls dancing in one night with $5 tips to me is a lot of moolah) However, I didnt make enough money to stay. I only made enough money to leave. I bought two edibles and had a nice relaxing eight hour drive to a friend's house in Pennsacola We had a personal falling out/disagreement. I worked as a line cook at Slimz at the Al Fresco in Pensacola. I saved up money to come out to California. I'm with one of my few best friends, Tymothy. Upon my arrival here, my car was repossessed (I bought in South Carolina, which is fucking crazy that they found me). My life is coming together though, Nicole. I am generally happy in my day to day lifestyle. I'm hoping to be officially retired from working for the rest of my life within this next year. It turns out that there was A HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE scandal in the Navy and I'm going to use my genius mind to collect the disability that I deserve. Monthly, that payment could land anywhere between $800-2900.. For the rest of my life. I have an amazing home loan that I will get to use once the ball has begun rolling. Nicole, I really dont think I love you as much as I should have and that bothers me. Not in a negative way, at all. It makes me feel like I need to write this email to you. Like I owe you more for what you gave me, Nicole Gable. You might not see it, Nicole. The only reason I ever went along with the mental health is so that we could have a healthy relationship together. Whatever that even fucking means as far as the definition goes. Hell, for all I know, you could be seriously dead or worse. You could be dating somebody.. 😝 I havent dated anyone quite seriously. I've been on a couple of dates here and there, but I just didn't/don't care. I hope that all of these women find someone that loves them as much as I know I can love you someday, if you could ever trust me... If you're with someone, I seriously hope they love you as much as space-time can hold matter and energy and light and dark matter. The greatest lesson I have learned since we spoke last is that we will live our lives from the shades of fear and the radiations of love. I love and accept myself now. I love myself exactly how you once loved me. I don't know where on this rock you are, but if you'd like to never have to work again, please reach out to me. I would be honored, if you would ever be willing. It's still going to be a few months, so you can think about this for awhile..? If you ever wanted to live in California with me someday, I mean. Hell, we could be roomates. You could wear chastity belts and Amish outfits all year round . I don't know anything.. I hope that this email finds you well. I hope it has given you smiles. I hope you have a blessed day. [Update]  It is now the year 2020.  I am.  The world is the world. Hell is hell.  We’re all stuck on a rock in the middle of nowhere.  If there’s someone reading this, be aware: you do not exist. This is my spaceship.

[transmedicalism-for-beginne-blog]

Transmedicism Rant:

Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders- Fifth Addition, or the DSM-5 States that "GENDER is used to denote the public (and usually legally recognized) lived role as a boy or girl, man or woman, but, in contrast to certain social contructionist theories biological factors are seen as contributing, in interaction with social & psychological factors, to gender development."

--

Couple things to note here.

1) Biology influences Gender.

2) Look at that nice little fuck you to the social sciences in their sentence.

3) "boy or girl" "man or woman" There's only two genders, who would have guessed.

"But wait, what about "Gender Identity" ?"

Well the DSM-5 states; "GENDER IDENTITY is a category of social identity & refers to an individual's identification as male, female, or some other category other than male or female."

There you go Tucutes a nice label for y'all to use. "Gender Identity is a Social construct while Gender is a mix." (Sarcasm)

So, why the fuck is this important?

This distinction is a real issue Now because, Tucutes & MOGAI are trying to pressure the American Psychiatric Association, or the APA to remove the Mental Illness label from Gender Dysphoria, and this isn't because the condition doesn't fit the definition of mental illness it's because, of Tucutes/MOGAI putting their feelings before facts. Just in case anyone is confused. Mental Illness =/= (Doesn't mean/equal) it's made up, or pyschological. People suffer from cronic depression because, of a chemical imbalance in their brain, So despite the counter intuitive name, it doesn't mean it’s made up.

So, the problem is by attempting to cement this idea that Gender is entirely social into the minds of the masses, they're implying that anything under the label Transgender, Is Social. Except it's NOT.

Gender Dysphoria is Biological.

Transgender doesn't only mean "people that want to transition" i.e. ftm men & mtf women. Transgender is an incredibly broad label, that everyone has a somewhat different definition for.

The APA, the people who write the DSM & all of its additions, State;

"TRANSGENDER - the broad spectrum of individuals who transiently or permanetly identify with a gender different from their natal gender."

So that includes people:

- With Gender Dysphoria

- Who are Gender Non-Conforming

- Who are "Genderq^eer"

- and all that other bs ( the MOGAI "genders")

AND THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

We have evidence that Gender Dysphoria is a biological & neurological condition, but

we don't yet have evidence that any of the MOGAI "genders" has any sort of biological basis.

In fact the Tucute/MOGAI community completely miss that point completely by CREATING their own distinction between Sex & Gender. So, that they don't n e e d a biological basis.

My purpose in saying all this is that Gender Dysphoria should NOT be in the same category as MOGAI “genders” Gender Dysphoria has biological evidence. MOGAI “genders” do not. Gender Dysphoria is a mental disorder. MOGAI "genders" are not. Not a medical mental disorder at least. (lol.)

Having a biological & medical disorder lumped in with all that other stuff is creating too much fucking confusion.

And, Yes I said disorder. Because, if you were born with a condition, that you have no control over, that makes you 'feel like you were born in the wrong body, or the wrong sex/gender' & this feeling is so debilitating it causes you untold ammounts of stress, discomfort, and most the time depression, that's a disorder. Mechanically that's obviously not supposed to be the way the brain works, because if it was, humans would've never made it past prehistoric times.

"But, Alec, why is it so important that it retains the Mental Illness label? That just makes people feel bad?!?"

It's important because it changes how the Medical Community treats the issue. As Blarie White once said, " Why can't we do both, though. That's like saying, that um, you can simultaneously fight for people to be kind to Autistic people and also look for a cure. How about we do both. That'd be great. Because, actually insisting on this accepting people, and to just don't worry about it because, “everything's normal, everything's fine”; It actually leads to political correctness, which leads to no research being put into a cure. Which exacerbates all the suffering." (Her response to, "We can't support trans people and a cure at the same time.)

I don't agree that just because we don't currently have such a miracle pill, or maybe even something close to that, that doesn't mean we as a society should deny the Medical Reality and not continue research in that area. You're arguing Secondary reasons when agreeing with this, Not Primary reasons. You're arguing against the Medical illness label not necessarily because, on its face it shouldn't be labled as such but, because of a precieved secondary effect of; Some people can justify being biggoted or can make individuals feel real bad. Which I understand, I get the dog whistle concern here. However, that's not going to help medical treatment in the long run.

"But, Alec. There's people who want to transition but, don't have dysphoria!@?!!"

AND THAT IS WHY IT'S SO IMPORTANT TO SEPARATE GENDER DYSPHORIA FROM MOGAI "GENDERS"

Because, all the research on Transsexuals, (and for the record I'm going to start using the term Transsexual to refer to individuals who were born with Gender Dysphoria (a biolgical condition.) to distant it from the MOGAI "genders". ) All the research we have are of people with Gender Dysphoria, Because the idea that there are even people who believe they were born the wrong sex/gender BUT, don't have dysphoria is relatively NEW.

So, it hasn't been studied. We don't even know if it's a biological condition or a pyschological one.

Unfortunately, We don't yet have a biolgical/medical test to determine whether someone has gender dysphoria. We don't yet have a biological way of measuring what someones innate Gender or “Gender Identity” is, or what ever the fuck MOGAI & Tucutes are calling it.

We do have evidence that it is indeed innate BUT, not a clear "let's scan your Brain to see if you have Gender Dysphoria. That is, Biological Gender Dysphoria. NOT a pyschological issue that makes you think you're transgender.

Another reason why the distiction needs to be made so clear.

People who have purely pyschological reasons for wanting to be the opposite gender ( or MOGAI "genders") should NOT being using biological hormones & physical surgery. Those options should only be for people that have a biological & neurological condition. People who use feelings towards their gender do not have the ability to be transient ( to change )

"But, Alec. It sounds like you're talking about Trans-Regret. That's a tiny number of cases and a dog whistle for Transphobia!!?"

SHUT YOUR FUC--

Supposedly Trans-Regret is not common. I say supposedly because, I haven't done research into that yet. Cause' it's not a direct correlation to what I am talking about now. Regret could be very low now but, as Blaire White once said, " This is a very new phenomenon. There are no long term studies that show a person 30/40 years old, that had transitioned at 12/13 & how their life ended up. It's just never happened, it's all still very new."

Because, until recently the stigma against transsexual people was so high that it would be very uncommon for someone who only has a pyschological complex to go through the transitioning process.

However, Because we are living in F U T U R E W O R L D O F 2019 society has become far more accepting of Transsexual people. Which is good and the way it should be, BUT it does also mean that it would be more likely for people who are only psychologically "trans" or Gender Non-Conforming, to be confused with people who have a biological & neurological condition.

The DSM and all it's addtions are supposed to be a guide book to help doctors make a distinction between someone who actually has gender dysphoria someone who does not. Biological VS Physiological.

" But, Alec. I just read the DSM's criteria of Gender Dysphoria, and there is nothing specifically in it about making this distinction between biological VS pyschological???"

Yes, and that's because psychiatry (APA) looks at stuff through primarily a biological lens. So, they are operating under assumption of if you don't have a biological reason for something, then you don't have it. Combine that with the fact that this current societal focus on understanding Transgender issues, is NEW, and the DSM-5 was written before that & this creates a problem. Since we don't yet know how to create a definitive biological test, We can only rely on Self-Reporting & Observable behaviors. Which is why it is so problematic. Doctors have to somehow navigate this complicated maze to figure out whether someone actually has gender dysphoria or is just Gender Non-Conforming, or going through a phase/MOGAI "genders". This is why Transsexual people feel like they have to go through so many hoops, and all this MOGAI stuff is only making the issue more confusing for everyone. Which means, you're making it harder for doctors to figure this shit out. Which means, more hoops.

Now let me make myself clear I'm not blaming the Trans movement or even suggesting that it must go away because "tHeY're cOnfUsIng tHe cHilDRen!1!!"

There's no hidden dog whilstle in what I am saying, I am only stating what is the reality of the situation and Unfortunately because our society, until recently, has been very biggoted for years aginast certain individuals that don't fit into specific gender roles, the Tucute Trans community is incredibly sensitive to anything that can even remotely be perceived as an attack. Which I understand. However, the problem is when ever people go under intensive physical treatment for a condition, it’s the Medical community and even society's duty to make sure that an individual really requires that treatment because, having medical treatments that are either 'over prescribed', or turned out horrible have littered our history from blood letting, to shock treatment, to even staring at the sun for health reasons, & we can't forget about lobotomy. Even now, there are concerns of kids being over prescribed Adderall & Riddilen*, Which is basically speed. Not to mention all the people with pain killer addictions. Being prescribed things you don't need can lead to messing with how your body and brain functions. That's why its important, although difficult, to put our emotions aside when dealing with these medical issues to avoid the Medical pitfalls that we humans have fallen into time, & time again.

Or just take everything I just said as merely "a dog whilstle" for Transphobia because I'm actually "a hateful biggot."

"Even if you're not a Transphobe Alec, you keep making this distinction between biological and pyschological, Assuming doctors can even untangle these 'interlinked concepts'. Why should a person, who only has gender dysphoria psychologically not be allowed to Transition????"

Because, If your 'gender dysphoria' is purely pyschological, that means that “Gender Dysphoria” you’re experiencing is a SYMPTOM of another problem. It's not the problem itself. Allow me to give you a very over simplified example.

Lets look at Game of Thrones, Cersei Lannister, on several occasions has stated that she wishes she was born a male. Lets say there was some magic potion in G.O.T. that she could take to change her sex. You better believe she would drink it but, reason for this is not because, she has Gender Dysphoria. Its not because, she has some innate feeling of being born in the wrong body/gender/sex. The reason is because she exist in a world where her biological sex/gender limits her ability to get power. Which is her primary goal. So, her complex for not being a male is secondary, it's a means to an end. The doctors evaluating whether or not someone has gender dysphoria needs to concentrate on making sure the underlying problem is that the person feels that they are born the wrong gender because, they simply are. Something biologically innate. Not that they were born the wrong gender, because they develop a negative pyschological complex about what means to be their birth gender, or a negitive pyschological complex about a specific body part that just so happens to be a body part realted to biological sex because, an issue like that is transient and can be revolved through other means.

"Fuck you Alec, that Game of Thrones expamle was shit. It's far more complicated!!1!"

Yes, real life is more complicated.

So let me give you a more grounded example. While simultaneously criticizing the DSM & all of its additions. So far I have been seemingly deflating the DSM which maybe makes you believe that I think the DSM is some h o l y b o o k. The literal word from g o d. I don't and it's not. It has some very serious flaws in my opinion. One of those flaws is in the creitiera of gender dysphoria. Right now, and adolescent female could be going through puberty; the time her chest starts growing, & if you happen to be this female or simply talk to someone about their experience you will find that many of those individuals actually had a quite negative experience with it when they were adolescent.

One such story that has always stood out to me is when a friend told me about how she developed breasts when she was 13, and how incredibly disturbing and some times scary for her it was to see grown men lusting sexually after her even though she was only 13. At least to me, it doesn't seem that out of the ordinary that someone in that position could develop a pyschological complex about their breasts.

In today's confusing world they could incorrectly assume that complex is meaning you have some Gender related issue, possibly even gender dysphoria, & under the current DSM-5 criteria, someone in that position could be incorrectly diagnosed as someone having gender dysphoria.

In fact, I once read an article titled, "My daughter isn't Transgender, She's a TomBoy."

The article describes how because, of all this confusion, This young 7 year old girl who is Gender Non-Conforming keeps being asked by teachers, her pediatrician, and even random adults who have known her for years, if she's sure she's not a boy. Now, this girl has a strong sense of self so she's able to say, " No, I not a boy. I'm just a girl who likes things that are typically male." This is a happening because, of this confusion of Gender Dysphoria being compared to Gender Non-Conforming people &/or MOGAI "genders" and that’s because, we don't have this clear distinction between Transsexual and Gender Non-Conforming people &/or MOGAI "genders". My fear is that not only are we confusing the fuck out of adults with the incorrect conflation of these terms but also, confusing kids who may be simply gender non-conforming making them think they are Transsexual.

And as a last note; Perhaps it's unfair for me to point this out but, I do find it somewhat ironic that the Tucute Trans community is fighting against the idea that the strict binary view of male and female gender by advocating a strict binary view of Sex & Gender.

End Rant.

Problems with the DSM-V:

1) The DSM-V is heavily criticized by the medical community for not using any scientific evidence to back up many of the things it says. It’s also just heavily criticized in general. This alone makes it an unreliable source as there isn’t any scientific evidence suggesting you don’t need gender dysphoria to be trans ergo the statement “ you don’t need Dysphoria” means nothing.

2) Psychology uses “transgender” as an umbrella term and has for a very, very long time. It includes trans people, transvestites, crossdressers, and other GNC people. Just because usage outside of the psychology field has shifted “transgender” to more mean “trans people” doesn’t mean that the psychology field has. This means that they’re likely speaking about their own term for what transgender is and seeing as how there’s no differentiation clarifying this, it’s ignorant to assume they’ve suddenly changed the meaning of one of their terms without stating as such.

3) Potentially most importantly, transgender/trans falls under the field of neurology/biology, not psychology. This means that while mental health professionals can certainly help us, it doesn’t mean they have all the answers and it doesn’t mean that their word is more important than that of the harder sciences involved.

Please share to spread awareness. I hope this helps someone.

#transmed #transmed positvity #transmedicalism #transmedicalist #trumed #truscum #transmedic #actually transgender #trans #transgender

[samtheflamingomain]

f is for fucked up

I recently binge-watched the Netflix show F is For Family.

It caught my attention because of a few things: set in the 70s, Justin Long as Kevin is fantastic, and, a very odd thing for an animated show, it features direct continuity. You HAVE to watch it in order.

And if you do, you see a pattern. Frank, the father of the titular family, is an abusive asshole who frequently threatens to defenestrate his children.

But, unlike, say, That 70s Show, it's not really played for laughs. Frank rarely ends up getting what he wants or comes out on top. His words and actions eventually lead, over 3 seasons, to his marriage almost falling apart, and his children being severely neglected to the point that one runs away.

There's usually a feel-good ending to most episodes, but because of the continuity, it all adds up.

A lot of things come to a point in the very last episode of season 3. I know the people reading this have likely already seen it, but let's recap then analyse.\

There's a new baby on the way, and this causes Frank and Sue to feel like their lives are disappearing. Frank will never achieve his dream of becoming a pilot, and Sue is a deeply unsatisfied housewife. She gets an equally-unsatisfying job, then has her only brilliant invention stolen from her.

Maureen had always been "Daddy's little princess" until recently, when Frank pays more attention to Sue and tries to get ahold of Kevin's behavior. She starts to feel invisible, and so she devises the idea to go on a TV show to win a game. And to be noticed.

Bill, in my opinion, has it the toughest of the kids. He's constantly getting beaten up by bigger kids until one day he falls in love with one of their sisters, who turns out to be psychotic. He spends a night under his parents' bed, which scars him deeply. (3 guesses as to why) Then he sees a man explode in front of him and his father tells him to bottle it up. "That's what real men do". This culminates in him agreeing to run away to Pittsburgh with his crazy girlfriend.

Meanwhile, Kevin also goes through a lot. His friends dump him, he sleeps with his neighbour's wife, and ultimately, he gets arrested.

I saved him for last because, after he gets arrested, Sue says to Frank, "You need to try a different approach. Yelling doesn't work. Try being compassionate and nurturing." After a bit of bitching, Frank agrees.

And this almost made me cry. Because that's my parents - ideally. They screamed at me my entire life because, like Frank, they "didn't know what else to do".

But my parents never realized that they needed to take a different approach. So the fact that Frank even tries (though it doesn't last) redeems him a bit.

But I want to go back to comparing it to That 70's Show, not just because both take place in the 70s. But because the fathers are so similar. Veterans, "real" men, horrifically abusive but able to admit their mistakes. The last part doesn't excuse the abusiveness, but it doesn't count for nothing.

Tangent: My father never once admitted to being wrong about anything, even scientific or historical fact. I tried to explain the Monty Hall problem to him once and it culminated in him screaming for me to shut up and go to my room. Then, one day, he brought it up and explained it to ME. And I reminded him of the time I'd tried to do so, and he tried to say that I had been trying to convince him that the answer was "50/50", not "66/33", the correct, but seemingly illogical answer. The opposite was what happened.

Anyway. My point is that, in a lot of TV shows, there's a lot of abuse that isn't taken seriously. 70s Show eventually gets there, but it takes nearly 7 seasons for Red Forman to admit he fucked Eric up. Frank realizes, when Bill is screaming at him while nearly drowning, that he fucked his kids up. In fact, he realizes similar things a lot.

And we see him honestly trying to change. He says and does a lot of truly unforgivable things, but at the end of the day, he loves his family and tries his best to make amends when he realizes he's wrong.

Perhaps another of my favorite moments is when, in couples group counselling, Frank finally realizes why he's so angry and mean to his wife: he's jealous of her success. And because he thinks he needs to be a "man's man" and a "real man", he can't stand that his wife took a job when he lost his. He can't stand that she's invented a million-dollar idea. He says, in a sudden epiphany, "I think deep down, I want you to fail." The implication being that he thinks he's failed.

This is a very profound moment, and one of the first ones that truly shows Frank as the extremely vulnerable and thin-skinned man he is. He finally reaches the core of his anger, despite it being a terrible sentiment.

Two great examples of this thin-skinned-ness are in his neighbours Vic and Chet. Vic is a handsome man with a hot wife and a big house and a sports car: all the *things* Frank wants. Chet, however, is the PERSON Frank wants to be: respected, revered, loved. He turns out to be an absolute douchenozzle, but Frank tries to remain blind to that fact because he so desperately wants to be liked by Chet. This doesn't happen with any other character, and it's because, I think, he thinks he would've been a Chet if he hadn't had kids.

Another pretty heartfelt moment is when, after a fight, Sue insists they go to lunch. They start up right away and Frank goes outside to have a smoke so "she can calm down". Then he pulls out the list of things Sue wanted to discuss that he grabbed from her and called unimportant. He reads it. Item 3: "Whatever happened to 'co-pilot'?"

Flashback to the moment young Sue tells young Frank she's pregnant. Frank promises her they can weather any storm together, promising to "be her co-pilot" in life. He realizes now that he's completely fucked up.

This comes to a head when he's taken hostage by terrorists trying to hijack a plane. He says, "If you shot me now, you'd be doing me a favor," and gives his fuck-up with Sue as the reason. And she hears him say so.

So, to go back to 70s again, I think Frank is generally a more well-rounded character. Red Forman has a few epiphanies, but largely doesn't work on his flaws or serve any purpose other than a driver of conflict.

And when we do realize that Eric knows Red fucked him up, and Red accepts that, it becomes clear that Eric is not mentally well.

So too does that happen with all the Murpheys. Bill definitely has PTSD from multiple terrible events. Kevin likely has a form of borderline personality disorder (can't manage relationships, pushes people away while simultaneously craving emotional contact, risk-taking) as well as a form of anxiety and hell, maybe even oppositional defiant disorder. Maureen is the youngest and a Daddy's girl, so she's definitely the most healthy of the kids. But she's still something of a bitch and can be pretty manipulative.

Sue is the epitome of the depressed housewife. Only, that isn't her only trait that's played for laughs (see: Kitty being an alcoholic on 70's). She actively tries to change her life, to become the person she wanted to be.

The show's not perfect, but it does touch on a lot of important topics (racism, sexism, domestic abuse, child abuse, anger, envy, even drug use) - and often in a way that most shows wouldn't touch with a 50-foot pole.

To finish up, I'd actually point to the theme song. It starts with Frank graduating, soaring into the air with his newfound freedom. Then things start hitting him literally in the face. First, a draft notice. Then a baby bottle. Then a wedding cake. Then a bunch of random shit. He loses his hair and gets fat. This simple visual is actually very powerful in portraying the helplessness and powerlessness Frank feels about his lot in life.

I'm sure there have been millions of dreams shattered due to the unforeseen birth of a child. And, to get to my damn point already, I think that's one of the most important underlying themes of the show. A huge part of the reason Frank treats his kids and wife poorly is because he blames them for stripping him of his dream of being a pilot.

It might sound pretty obvious, but Frank's not really all that smart - at least, he lacks emotional intelligence.

I think she show is headed in a direction where this will become more prominent, and may even result in Frank realizing he's not right to take out his shattered dreams on his family. But we'll see.

Stay Greater, Flamingos.

#f is for family #sam

[autismserenity]

I was just reading an article about a study of Australian bisexuals that said,

"A majority of the sample, 58%, reported either high or very high levels of psychological distress, with histories of anxiety, depression, and eating disorders the most common reported diagnoses. And 67% reported they had been diagnosed with mental illness by professionals. Almost half of the respondents disclosed self-harm or thoughts about suicide within just the last two years. More than one in four (28%) had attempted suicide in their lives and 78% had thought about it."

Every single study that separates out gay and m-spec people, or gay and m-spec and a-spec people, finds that "spec" people have higher rates of these things than even our gay counterparts.

Here, they say 28% of m-spec people have attempted suicide, although 78% had thought about it.

I've been trying to track down any studies that talk more about WHY that's true. Like: do people think it's tied to our higher rates of assault and other kinds of abuse? How much of it is caused, or affected, by our constant erasure? Etc.

The article doesn't really go into detail about what the potential causes are, other than to talk a little about correlations.

But I also got curious about how the rate of m-spec suicide attempts compares to the gay and lesbian rates. Because I know that the rate of attempted suicide for trans people is 40%.

(And for trans people with disabilities, it's 54%. Same for trans people with unsupportive families; if you have a supportive family, it's 37%. If your unsupportive family is violent towards you for being trans, it's 65%. If they kick you out, it's 66%. If a religious or mental health professional tries to stop you from being trans, which is what the umbrella term of "conversion therapy" refers to, it's 58%.

Actually, I guess that gives us a great starting point for looking at "causes and conditions" of m-spec suicide attempts.

But my point was gonna be, I got curious about it because I had thought the trans suicidality rate was WAY higher than the "GLB" rate, and this means the m-spec rate is way closer to it than I had expected.

And it's really common, ime, to cite suicidality rates to illustrate how oppressed a group is, and try to get people to become allies.

But... I never see people do that specifically for m-spec and a-spec people.

So I was trying to see if the same is true for the gay and lesbian communities, and I stumbled across this interesting study.

"Social stress theories lead us to expect that compared with socially advantaged groups, disadvantaged groups are at a higher risk for mental disorders. 

"We thus hypothesized

"(1) that Black and Latino lesbians, gay men, and bisexual individuals have more mental disorders than do White lesbians, gay men, and bisexual individuals because they are exposed to more stress related to prejudice and discrimination associated with their race/ethnicity;

"(2) that bisexual persons have more mental disorders than do gay men or lesbians because they are exposed to more stress related to their experience of stigma in both gay and heterosexual communities; and

"(3) that younger individuals have fewer disorders than do older individuals because younger individuals came out in a less prejudicial social environment....

"We assessed the prevalence of psychiatric disorders in 388 lesbian, gay, and bisexual Black, Latino, and White individuals.

"Black lesbians, gay men, and bisexual individuals had lower prevalence of all disorders than did Latino and White individuals; younger cohorts had fewer mood disorders than did older cohorts [imho that's probably at least partly because they've had less time to get information or diagnoses]; bisexual persons had more substance use disorders than did gay men and lesbians; and Latino respondents attempted suicide more often than did White respondents....

"One plausible hypothesis is that a higher risk for suicide among lesbians, gay men, and bisexual individuals who are racial/ethnic minorities follows major stressful events, such as assault, abuse, or homelessness, rather than depressive or substance use disorders." [Or as well as depressive and substance use disorders.]

I'm especially interested in that part because our rates of poverty and homelessness are fucking terrible, as well as assault.

There's an m-spec convention locally this fall and I really want to do a presentation on this stuff. I think we should be armed with statistics on what our communities experience. So... don't be surprised if I post a lot more of this stuff!

Omg, I just went to grab the link to the convention, and I saw that they include a-specs!

"A conference and party for anyone attracted to more - or fewer - than a single gender.

October 12, 2019, San Francisco, California"

😍🤩🥰

#suicidality tw #heteronormativity and allosexism and monosexism and amatonormativity stem from perisexism #actuallyace #actuallytrans #bi tumblr #wall of words