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kay-kaylen · 3 years

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Genshin Rant

Okay so, I’ve been into Genshin for quite some time. I’m not a seasoned player who’s been around since the Latern Rite (I am furious that I missed that honestly) but I’m doing pretty well for myself.

But oh man. A few months ago, I joined an unofficial Genshin group and let me tell you, this is something I’ve got to get out of my system because I had such a huge argument with some of the members there that I just left the group because oh my God. I couldn’t take it. It’s probably a controversial topic, and I might get hate for what I say, but if you decide to shit on my words without providing legitimate evidence and being able to have a civil discussion and debate with me, then I’m just blocking you because I don’t need that here.

A lot of complaints about Genshin Impact mainly stem from the Gacha/Wish system, which is a system in which you roll for different weapons and characters. To roll, you need Fates, and you get Fates through Primogems. You can get Primogems by just doing stuff in the game, but it’s slow-going sometimes. If you want to, you can purchase Primogems with real life money.

The BIGGEST complaints I’ve ever seen from Genshin ALWAYS comes from this Wish system and the things that were said during that argument in the group was so ridiculous, I literally can’t.

First off, a lot of people say Mihoyo are scammers, and to be fair, sometimes they’re kind of wonky. Like the Serenitea Pot and Sanctifying Essence which is supposed to give more artifact exp buuut it doesn’t give a lot. That part needs to be worked on, of that I agree. But the wishes?? No. As far as I see it, it’s fair game. In fact, the chances to get a 5* character are NO LOWER than any other gacha game I’ve experienced. I’ve done my maths. Any higher and you’d pretty much always be getting them, which isn’t fair to the makers of the game and defeats the point of a gacha. This is especially true because we’re constantly GETTING new characters. The more characters, the more chances for that 0.6% chance to land on them, and it’s literally just a matter of time. The ONLY reason you’d complain is because you’re salty you didn’t get the character you wanted despite paying. You think that just because you paid them money, Mihoyo would serve the character for you on a silver platter. But they don’t. It’s ALL based on luck and chance, and they GIVE you chances on Banners. And you can ALWAYS try again. There will never NOT be a time where you can’t try. Mihoyo does NOT control what characters you get. You wanna know how I know? Because I rolled once with no fucking expectation and got ZHONGLI of all characters. A 5*. They are NOT trying to screw you over, I am HAPPY with the characters I’ve got. It literally doesn’t matter to me whether I get a 4* or a 5* or just weapons, I am still GETTING stuff.

And yeah, I don’t mind if you wanna keep rolling to get a character or weapon you REALLY want, there is literally nothing wrong with that. But I HATE it when people get salty and take it out on the creators. One of the points the people in the group tried to make is that the game’s teaching kids how to gamble. It. Is. A. Gacha. Game. It is made EXPLICITLY clear that there are in-game purchases that are OPTIONAL. You have to AGREE to the terms and conditions before you play the game. And why is Genshin being treated as this unholy demon? You know how many MORE Gacha games are out there with just as much gambling potential? Cause there’s a lot. But UNLIKE some Gacha games I know of, when they say optional, they MEAN optional. You can play the entire game and build a GOD level team without paying a single damn penny, and Mihoyo doesn’t even shove the gacha wishing system in your face. You literally don’t even get told about its existence when you play and go about the story, you have to FIND where that wishing thing is. The game does NOTHING to tempt you to rolling apart from showcasing their new characters, WHICH THEY DO ANYWAY IN THE STORY ITSELF. If anything, things like character trailers are just lore for the characters to make them interesting and build them for us storylovers.

But the whole point of this whole thing is that Mihoyo does NOTHING that requires you to pay a penny. Literally nothing. They make it clear that it’s on you to pay real life money, and you should KNOW about how Gachas, or even just rolling for chances is like, because it’s basically a capsule machine. YOU are the one rolling, and YOU are the one who CHOSE to fork over your own money. YOU are the one who chose not to stop ‘gambling’. The game does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to make you pay genuine money. YOU are the one who made that decision, so YOU deal with the results you got. You know damn well that you’re likely not getting what you want, so stop whining about it.

But just to take a step back, even IF you disregard all these points and just look at the 0.6% chance and say: “Man, that’s low odds.” It HAS to be that way, because Mihoyo NEEDS that money. Yes, I know damn well they have millions of dollars, I did my research, but that is NOT ENOUGH MONEY. People don’t realize just how BIG and AMBITIOUS of a game Genshin Impact is. It isn’t just costly to make, it’s costly to MAINTAIN. It’s not a final released game, they’re still a work-in-progress and that brings LOADS of complications with it, especially since it’s blown up so much and they’ve got MILLIONS of users playing all the time. And just because they’re a Chinese company or WHATEVER excuse you have to bring to the table, doesn’t mean they have any easier of a time.

I know this. Because I have a fucking friend who works in game programming and development. She took one look at Genshin Impact and told me this was a game that makes Final Fantasy and Detroit: Become Human, or whatever huge fucking ass games over the years, look like a JOKE in terms of expenses.

Mihoyo is CONSTANTLY updating their game, fixing bugs, implementing new things like small events or just fun stuff for players to goof around with, but NONE of these things are easy. THAT’S why they have new characters, THAT’S why they’re constantly doing events, they NEED people’s support to the game and their attention CAN’T wane. It’s pure BUSINESS. They’re not being selfish, that is literally just how it works.

And here’s another thing. Genshin doesn’t have ANY other money spending things EXCEPT for the wishes. They don’t make you pay for Resin, or make you pay to progress the story. No. ALL their income from the game, comes from the Wishing. Where YOU GUYS make that choice to fork over your money.

One of the things people in that group jeered about is Genshin’s shit security, and yes, that is problem that needs serious fixing. The thing is, they’re ALREADY hard at work trying to fix it. You think it’s a walk in the park to stop account hackers? FUCK NO. It needs cooperation from the users AND the company. The company needs to make better firewalls and security measures, and the users need to take precautionary measures to make sure they DON’T get their accounts stolen. It doesn’t matter how high or tough your walls are if you’re the one who just opens the gate yourself. And by all means, they are improving in that aspect, people just don’t announce it to the world. And oh yeah, they DO need money to improve their security. It is NOT free to develop bigger shields.

I had people in that group tell me the game was sooo slow in their development and there was no point in investing money in it, and to that I say. Let me just put this into perspective, okay? Let’s just rundown a list of things that need to be implemented when making a new region. Just one.

*inhales*

The terrain, environment, treasure locations, puzzles, local materials, local recipes, main city, sub towns, npcs, npc dialogues, shops, unique enemies, regional bosses, unique drops, regional characters, books, region lore and history, statues of the seven locations, teleporter locations, domain locations, oculi locations, story quests, world quests, sigils, and the list REALLY does go on.

AND THIS IS FOR ONE REGION.

THERE ARE SEVEN REGIONS IN THE GAME.

MEANING THEY HAVE TO REPEAT THIS PROCESS, FIVE FUCKING TIMES. (Since we already have Liyue and Mondstadt.)

Do. You. UNDERSTAND. HOW MUCH WORK. GOES INTO THIS FUCKING GAME.

MILLIONS OF DOLLARS?? HARDLY A HALF OF WHAT THEY NEED TO KEEP THEIR WORKERS GOING.

AND THEY’RE STILL VERY ACTIVE IN THE COMMUNITY.

So yeah. Genshin only draws money from the Gacha system they have, other income sources come from Mihoyo’s other games. They don’t force you to pay, at all. That decision is all on you. They need lots of money for the game, and still squeeze in time in their development to come up with little tidbit stuff for us to enjoy. They’re doing well, but they need improvements, but they won’t improve without the community’s support and understanding.

#genshin #genshin impact #rant #wow this was long

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theastrophilearchitect · 3 years

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Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

Writing journey #4.

15/05/2021 07.22 My break has officially been over for five days, and i have done some writing, but it’s been incredibly inconsistent, so I decided to start this blog post over. Bay Tree has been archived, and though FSB isn’t done, I’ve realised I need to take a step back. It’s why writers leave weeks at a time between drafts--so when they return, they’re in a different mindset, and can improve their work.

For this same reason, I need to take a step back before I finish my outline. My thought process is becoming monotonous, which means I’m losing my excitement. When you start a project, you have the idea in your head as perfect, and when those ‘vibes’ become tangible, it is less exciting. That’s unavoidable. But I just need to take a step back, so when I return, I have fresh ideas, and the plot becomes more exciting to me.

So today, I’m going to start brainstorming a new idea I had, which I don’t have an alias for yet, and I have an idea to essentially bind every project I have together, but not in Grishaverse- or Shadowhunters-style where you need to read ten books just to read the one you want. Just a nod to anyone who does read multiple, like when Aelin falls through worlds and sees Rhys and Feyre for a split second.

So. Let’s brainstorm.

My plan, I think, is to alternate weekly. This week, I’ll work on the new one, next week I’ll do FSB. I could just take this new idea and apply it to FSB, except I just don’t see how that would work. I have different worlds in mind, and this new one is a fantasy where FSB is sci-fi(/fantasy. It’s kinda both).

16/05/2021 07.07 I really wish I was a pantser. Even though I haven’t got to the editing stage, my favourite part of writing is implementing new ideas and making changes, but I’m just not a pantser. I need to know where each part is going. Instead, I have to sit here, brainstorming, for days, to figure everything out.

18/05/2021 07.06 I did a lot of work on the 16th, but I was busy yesterday, and didn’t get any writing done, because, when I was free, I was just reading. So, I’ve decided I’m going to at least write before I leave the house, which gives me about 45 minutes this morning.

23/05/2021 18.30 Based on the fact it has been five days, I think you can tell how good I’ve been about keeping writing. The problem is that I don’t actually have much past a concept for my new project, so I’m trying to figure out how, precisely, I could merge the two projects. FSB is interesting, but doesn’t have a huge amount of depth, which adding the characters from the new project would absolutely do, while the new project is lacking plot, which FSB (at least the first book I’ve planned) does. So, I’m going to start a new Scrivener project, and consider how I can merge the two concepts while implementing both plots.

Is it too much? I have only two main characters in FSB, but five in the newer one, which gives me seven main characters, divided into three groups. And do I want to write a book with so many separate storylines? I know readers (myself included) always end up favouring one storyline over another, getting annoyed when certain POVs come up. I don’t know what to do.

I could keep the new project, but implement FSB? Hold up. New Project (NP) has two protagonists who could undergo a similar development to the protagonists of FSB... I had a plan for the male protagonist of FSB, his arc, which wouldn’t work for NP’s male protagonist, but would work perfectly for its female protagonist...

Tumblr’s glitching. It wouldn’t let me reblog a post earlier, and now it won’t let me save this draft. Please, no.

Okay, so I had to copy what I’d written for today, disconnect and reconnect to the Wi-Fi, then wait for my drafts to load to paste it. Going great!

21.00 So I didn’t get a huge amount done, because I caught up doing ~evening things~, but I at least have a plan going forward, which is an accomplishment

30/05/2021 09.29 I’ve spent the last couple weeks doing everything I can to avoid writing, but i now have an insane amount of free time, so I have no excuse. I want to use this time in a productive way, and, for me, that means writing.

03/06/2021 10.31 I swear to god, I’ve had ‘writing’ on my to-do list every single day, except not doing it is probably my own fault, because it’s been so far down on the list. Also, I’m doing a buddy read, but am also unfortunately descending into a reading slump, so even reading 50 pages takes me about 90 minutes--they’re not even long pages.

I actually went back onto my old Wattpad account earlier, where I found a load of old, unfinished stuff, but none of it was as bad as I thought it would be, and the ideas weren’t bad. I just really have no idea what it is I’m writing right now, and I hate trying to figure it out.

11.30 There are so many Ss in the word ‘assassin’ this is not okay.

This is actually going so well. I have two storylines in my head, a complex cast of characters, and I’m so looking forward to plotting this.

04/06/2021 08.04 Look at me, two days in a row. Anyways, I’m thinking I ought to name these characters ASAP, because it’ll be easier to shape them to their names than it will be to find a name which fits them once they’ve been shaped.

14.41 Here’s what I’m realising: I like to pants plots, but I can’t do that while I’m actually drafting, so I think my plan is actually to bullet point everything that happens, then revise that, then start drafting, so the story is basically set in the first draft.

I’ve actually gone through a lot of stuff--I have workable plot material!

17.16 So, me being me, I’ve semi-outlined (I say semi-, it’s more like a tenth) a trilogy, meaning I have ideas for three books following this storyline, and it... makes sense. It’s the kind of story where I can follow multiple arcs, a few at a time, instead of several overarching ones, or maybe it’s just that I’m letting myself.

07/06/2021 16.44 I don’t have a damn clue what I’ve spent the day doing. I haven’t done anything in a couple days because it was the weekend and I was busy, but I’m back now. The thing is, I haven’t spent the day reading, watching, drawing, or doing anything, really--it’s escaped me. But, at the very least, I’ve relaxed, so who cares?

I’m not applying story structure to the ideas I’m having quite yet--rather, I’m just developing them to see how they bloom on their own, then I’ll fit it in; it just seems like a more natural and effective way to develop.

Yeah, no. It’s too late in the day for this. I have zero motivation.

08/06/2021 09.49 Maybe I’ll accomplish something today; who knows? Certainly not me.

I’m now applying the 3-act structure, but I’m realising I have way too many details worked out for this--switching to more acts.

22.20 Why am I doing this to myself? I wish I could say I’m not entirely sure, but it’s because I can’t sleep, because this project, and my character Lihan, are the only things I can think about, so here I am. I don’t want to be a night writer, but que sera sera (I wish I could type accents on an English keyboard).

23.22 I accomplished more in the last hour on this project than I have in the last four days.

09/06/2021 - 1,115 words 09.29 I really hope I don’t prove today that night-writing is my sweet spot--I don’t want it to be. Can the world just let me have a functional sleep schedule??

Anyways, so, as I’ve mentioned before, I use Scrivener, which enables me to sort which documents are part of the manuscript from the ones that aren’t. I’ve been working outside of the manuscript, but I think I’m going to move them into it--I have a plan I believe will be more effective for my own drafting. I think I very much need the events to be set in stone before I begin writing in actual prose, so how can I do that? Especially when I also enjoy pantsing, but not in prose?

Here’s the plan: I plot out the main events, then bullet point everything in very high detail, similar to what many people call a zero draft, in which they draft a book in short form. I’ll sort the bullet points into chapters (but not scenes, because as I discovered with Bay Tree, I find scene-blocking makes the narrative less natural), leave it alone a while, then revise, so I can have my plot more-or-less set in stone before I work on prose.

As a result, I’m going to shift my plotting into the manuscript section, because it is, essentially, an early draft, and also I want a word count as a progress metre.

13/06/2021 - 1,611 words 8.18 Alas, I have been busy the last few days, but I’m here now.

9.20 The amount of secrets and who-knows-what in this story is genuinely absurd, but I’m sure I’ll clean it up eventually.

14.01 A few days ago, I came across a post about balancing large casts, which is exactly what I have, and the first thing it mentioned was the two-trait rule, in which every character has two traits completely unique to them, to help both reader and writer differentiate. Which I’m now going to implement.

14.42 I have these two characters, and I know exactly what I want their dynamic to be, except I can’t decide who should be which part of it.

I have made my decision. It probably works better now, but it does alter their roles, so I need to fix that.

I literally swapped them round solely because I decided one was taller than the other and thought it would be more interesting if the short one was the sadist. Why do I make my own life so difficult?

14/06/2021 - 1,574 words 11.08 I didn’t make an enormous amount of progress yesterday, but I did make some, and made notes of ideas for relationship arcs last night, so I count that a victory (forced optimism--surprisingly effective). I’m currently just working through bullet-pointing book one, while making notes of events I want in the rest of the series (I’m projecting three books, and telling myself I will finish them). I’m currently fiddling with one of my storylines to see how I can mould it to FSB’s and OH MY GOODNESS I JUST HAD A GREAT IDEA must take notes, one moment pleaseeee.

Okay, so I have four bullet points for relationship arcs and an idea to adjust one of the storylines--I’d say I have six main characters, two of whom are really the protagonists, two of which are my favourites, and the other two are fun, but in need of development. They’re split into a group of four and a pair, and I’m definitely more into the storyline of the four, mostly because the four contains my two favourites, and it’s more developed than that of the pair.

I’ve been keeping a list of things to add: motivations, loose plot threads, plot points I want to include--I really need to re-organise it.

On another note, I am so glad I named the characters as early as I did. I’m debating having two of the characters swap names, but I don’t think I will, because I will absolutely mix them up, and one of them is part of the perfect ship name.

My mouse isn’t working. I changed the batteries, but it’s not working, so now I get the joy of trying to figure out if the batteries I put in are just old or if the mouse no longer works, which would suck.

Yes, I’m going to describe this. Mostly because when I changed the batteries the first time, it took a minute to stop working, and this will waste a minute. So, first set of batteries, which we’ll call set 1, don’t work. I don’t know if it’s both or just one, but if it’s one, I don’t want to throw away both. I take out set 1, I put in set 2. Set 2 works perfectly. So it’s not the mouse. Now I take out battery 2B, and replace it with 1A, so I have 1A and 2A in here. I know 2A works, but I’m not sure about 1A, but the mouse works, so 1A is fine. Let’s replace 1A with 1B.

Yep. 1B is the problem child. 1A works fine, but 1B doesn’t. Lovely. Crisis averted. It would’ve really sucked it I had to get a new mouse. And back to writing!

12.13 I’m bouncing between documents as I organise, which means my word count is actually decreasing, so I feel like I’m making significantly less progress than I am.

I just realised my two protagonists are cousins. I’ve had it in my head that one’s father was the brother of the other’s father, but somehow I didn’t realise that makes them cousins.

I’m about to delete a list because I’ve reformatted it--my word count is currently at 1,958, but is really about to drop.

AND NOW WE’RE AT 1,572. My session word count is -32. Minus thirty-two. I hate it here, but it’s fine, because we’re ~developing~.

15/06/2021 - 2,113 words 09.39 It’s not even technically summer yet, but it’s too hot, and I hate it here. All the windows are open, so everything’s cool, there’s a nice breeze, and lots of light, but the birds are so loud, and I have to keep all the doors closed because the open windows send them swaying and slamming. You know when you close a door when all the windows are open and it slams? Yep. Not into it.

I feel like every day I try a new way to organise my plotting. I’m unsure as to whether that’s helping me or holding me back, because it forces me to review what I have, which usually sparks new ideas, but I’m not convinced I’ll ever get to the end as long as I keep doing this.

21/06/2021 13.40 I spent the latter half of last week with zero motivation, then I was busy at the weekend, but I’m here now. I’ve been trying to make myself write basically all day--I have a plan, and a list of things I’ve come up with the last few days, but I just couldn’t make myself do it. I’m not in a good mood, but maybe this will help.

I have, however, just reminded myself that I need to prepare this week’s post, because I sincerely doubt either this or my ongoing Recent reads will be ready for Friday. Actually, if I do quite a bit of writing this week, this post might be, but I’m not willing to bet on it.

And oh, crap, now I just want to write a blog post.

No. No I don’t. I started looking at the list of ideas I had, and now I’m just not feeling it. I’m pretty sure when I open my document for this project I’ll lose all motivation too, but it’s worth a shot.

There’s a specific relationship in an anime I recently watched that I want to pull apart--there’s this ship, and the author of the manga has called the two characters ‘soulmates’. There’s just this huge amount of tension between the two, and I want to re-watch the show because I love it, but also so I can take notes to figure out what was so effective about it.

13.53 I’ve been doing this for 13 minutes, but I do think I need to leave this project/outline alone for a bit, give it an opportunity to ruminate, to evolve. In truth, I may not even come back to it until I’ve re-watched the anime I was talking about so I can tear that ship to pieces.

17.33 So I just learned brainstorming is apparently significantly easier on paper. Hm. I’ve just worked out so damn much, stuff I’ve been struggling with.

18.00 I have successfully tied up so many plot threads, simply by working with pen and paper. This is revolutionary. (I know, not really, but it is for me, someone adamant about working with a keyboard and monitor)

22/06/2021 09.42 Seriously, why did I never try actually working on paper before? Something about holding a pen to paper and scribbling and drawing a mindmap--it just works. I’ve been obstinate about avoiding working on paper because I hate physically writing, yet here we are.

25/06/2021 11.09 I’m really not managing much reading at the moment--since I started reading manga, my attention span has just gone down the drain. I’m currently reading Mister Impossible by Maggie Stiefvater, and I don’t think it helped that I had to stop less than a third of the way in to do a buddy read, but I just don’t have much motivation to read it, though I do so want to. I haven’t been listening much to audiobooks lately either, because when I’d usually listen--when I’m getting dressed, waking up, going to bed etc.--I just want to listen to music, because I also recently fell down the well of k-pop, and the group whose discography I’m getting to know at the moment is BTS. Basic, but they’re the fifth group I’m doing, and they have so many songs. Which would happen after eight years, but still.

I want to read so, so badly, but I just don’t feel like reading Mister Impossible. But I do want to finish it before reading anything else. I think I’ll finish my current audiobook, then if I’m still feeling stagnated in Mister Impossible, I’ll switch to the audiobook of that, then just take a break from reading until I’m ready to actually read.

But this post is for writing, not reading. I did write on the 23rd, but I just didn’t update this post. The 24th I was busy, but my wall is now covered in post-it notes of world-building, characters, gods, plot points, and a whole load of other stuff.

Also, I had an idea for a book title this morning--not for this one, just in general--and when I went to add it to my list, I found a title that would so suit this project. I don’t want to say it, but let’s just say this project will be called ItLotG--or not. That’s a hideous combination of letters. I promise it is actually a good title.

11.52 I’m having another crisis over these two characters. I’m thinking it would make more sense to have L’s betrayal ‘arc’ initiated before the catalyst, or rather have it be the catalyst, except the problem there is that they’re not in the city they need to be in to receive that offer.

UNLESS,,,, what if this point happens just while they’re in the capital.... I’ve got it.

17.16 I’ve been taking notes this whole time of everything I want to happen in books 2 and 3, and I have so much now i think they’ll be so much easier to plot than this one.

The downside of working mostly on paper is that my plans on Scrivener have been refined to one document, which is now only 878 words.

Right now, there’s a glaring hole between the midpoint and the ending, but my climax is one of those where the climax itself is a very small part of a bigger event, so if I figure out what I want to happen in this big event which is essentially the whole of the third act, I should be able to fill in the rest of Act Two with the setup for that.

So I’m leaving it there for both today and this post. In the last month or so, I decided to start over and mash two projects together, which created a whole new storyline I love, and now I’m mostly done with the first outline. I want to treat outlines as more than just preparation for drafts, because I find notes so much easier to edit than actual prose, and I hate writing without a clear idea of where I’m going.

I think I’m going to call these ‘runs’--an outline is a run through, a draft a run through, so I’m nearly done with my first run, and I’m very proud of that, so go, go write the idea you have, drink some water, take a nap if you need one, eat if you haven’t eaten in a few hours, and I’ll be back with another writing update innnnnnn probably august, honestly.

Go write that idea!

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italicwatches · 5 years

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Sword Art Online Alternative: Gun Gale Online - Episode 02

Okay, let’s get into this a little deeper. It’s Sword Art Online Alternative: Gun Gale Online, episode 02! Here we GO!

-It’s July 2025. We come in on Karen, who’s been attending university in Tokyo for the last three months. She thought things might change, but…They’re not. She’s still awkward, and shy, and taller than any of the other women in her classes. She’s still having no luck finding a job, and spending her days going from apartment to school to apartment if she goes out at all.

-A gaggle of schoolgirls pass by, and Karen can’t help but be deeply envious of the tiny adorable things. Made all the more real when she tries to walk past, and cracks her head on a hanging sign. The pain is real.

-Opening! Which, the more I watch it it’s very interesting how much…*fulfillment[i] they wrap into the game environment. This is very clearly a space where not just Karen/LLENN, but a lot of the people around her, find themselves.

-August. Karen went back home for the summer break. With nothing better to do, she ended up getting curious about VR games after seeing a news report on the new, next-gen hardware made to simplify the VR connection and block off a lot of the safety problems with the SAO-era gear. And something about the idea grabbed her…

-Which is how she ended up snaring an old acquaintance to learn about the things…An acquaintance who was, of course [i]very* eager to tell her everything about her passionate hobby.

-She got the gear, and a copy of Alfheim Online, and settled in to try it back at her place….And it was in! She picked the name LLENN for the first time, went through the creation process….

-And became a tall, graceful elf.

-She was NOT into that. At all. It freaked her out so bad that she actually tripped the safety sensors and got forcefully logged out.

-And learned from said acquaintance, Miyu, that the whole system automatically creates characters for you…She could try again, or try shifting her account to a different game in the same engine. Which is not how game design works, but, you know what, okay. So Karen tried something else…

-And again and again, her characters kept being big. Racing game? Tall sexy racer. Flight game? Thicc pilot. Sci-fi game? What a halloween store would call “Sexy Chilled Alien” because it’s off-brand Frieza race. Fantasy games? A buff-ass barbarian queen and a…I think they’re going for orc there but the Western and Eastern ideas of ‘orc’ have diverged so fucking far it’s hard to tell. Sexy mermaid. And finally Karen was just pushing on through sheer god damned stubbornness.

-When she stumbled onto Gun Gale Online.

-And it put her, after 37 different games attempted, as like three and a half feet tall. At that point it officially stopped mattering what the game was about. It officially stopped mattering what kind of crazy mechanics she’d have to learn. All that mattered was being a tiny adorable waif of a girl for the first time since she was a child. The identity of LLENN ended up filling her heart that day…

-And then she did the tutorial. And got to learn that her true LLENN was in a shooty shooty game and being taught by a dominatrix drill sergeant. This was not what LLENN planned on doing on this day. She learned of the two core gun types, laser guns and slug throwers.

-Side diversion! This is actually an interesting thing to be using in a representation of an online shooter, because shooters tend to divert into two key types of handling their bullets; Some games(or even some guns in games that use both) use hitscan, where at the moment you squeeze the trigger it instantly draws a straight line and sees where it hits, while others use projectile based systems where a bullet is actually spawned and sent at high speeds with physics and time applying. Both of these are entirely valid systems, but which one you’re dealing with has strong implications for higher level play.

-But here in Gun Gale Online, another core difference was put into play; namely, laser guns(or as they call them, optical guns) could be defended against by energy fields. Live ammo’s a different story.

-So LLENN got to learn about the Bullet Line, the singular warning sign that an attack is imminent. She got to shoot her first gun, and learn about the system’s Bullet Circle idea to model the randomness of bullet spread…Which would be fine if LLENN could keep the fucking pistol steady enough for the Circle to stay in a single place.

-She got to try pistols, and sniper rifles, and submachine guns…And at least the submachine gun was vaguely suited to her skills.

-Cut to September. LLENN’s decided to stick with the game. Because being this tiny adorable figure was just too good to give up. She ended up doing PvE, just learning the systems. The whole time she was playing solo, just thrilling in the experience of being LLENN…But she hit a bit of a problem.

-A distinct lack of cute and adorable outfits in this grim serious game. …On the other hand, they had a color palette system. So she took her drab green military garb, and turned it BRIGHT PINK. She even had her optical gun done! And hearing comments from other players, was enough to keep her playing…

-Until one day she was out in the field, had set up a trap for some monsters, and put on some tunes while she relaxed. It’s at this moment that I realize they keep using the same artist name, so I have to imagine that one Elsa Kanzaki is either a really neat reference I don’t get, or going to be relevant. Either way, I should probably note it.

-She could eat cookies and drink tea as much as she wanted, with no worries of calories…But, this trap she set up was in a free-for-all area. And another group of players spawned in. She considered running, or logging out, and ultimately ended up hiding…Not noticed…Her trap went off, and in a panic, she raced in and started firing wildly!

-That whole time, she’d been cranking her SPD stat through the roof with her XP, needing it to deal with giant monsters solo…And so she tore through the three in a flash…When LLENN had enough time to stop and think, and notice that her pink outfit was actually almost the same color as the sunset-lit desert sands…

-Within a few weeks, people were talking about the Pink Devil in chat. A PKer who operates the desert field, ambushing anyone who gets close…A tiny, speedy little demon with two submachine guns.

-Because, indeed, LLENN had thrown some currency into a pair of live-ammo guns, and had turned the desert into her domain to roam freely in, to run far and wide on her tiny tiny legs…

-Until one day, someone caught her and put a gun to her head. A woman in all black, who liked the Pink Devil’s style…Enough to not shoot her. To think the infamous Pink Devil was so teeny and adorable. And she offered a trip back into town to get some tea, since this game didn’t have anywhere near enough female players…

-That was how LLENN met Pitohui, or Pito. Who, true story, added those tattoo cosmetics to her face to reduce how many guys were hitting on her in the game. And played GGO since launch day. While LLENN had only been in for about three months at this point.

-Pito found her more than interesting enough to send her a friend request, and the two ended up in an obscure shop in the corner of town, with rare drops from the PvE segment…Which is how LLENN found her P90, a hot new arrival sitting on the shelf for mere minutes. She bought it right then and there…And with Pito’s encouragement, she named it.

-P-chan. She named that gun P-chan. And let me tell you there is nothing that has made me laugh quite so hard as LLENN enthusiastically saying she’ll do her best to kill lots and lots, while the swelling meaningful-moment music plays.

-Anyways, she and Pito became a squad, and would go hunting and PKing a lot. But aside from having enough real-world money to keep dropping premium currency on fancy shit, LLENN barely knew anything about Pito.. She barely ever listened to music, didn’t watch a lot of movies…And of course LLENN still had lots of anxiety about any talk of real life.

-So Pito ended up putting down a challenge. Take her down in the PvP mode one day, rookie. Get a kill on her, and she’d made sure they could meet in real life. Take that challenge and live up to it. And LLENN was fired up about it, as they made a woman’s promise!

-January came, and they celebrated together in the game. And LLENN learned about the new battle royale mode, the Squad Jam…

-Credits!

I did not expect this much feels from my cute-girls-shooting-cute-guns anime.

#where I watch #recap #anime #sword art online #gun gale online #sao alternative

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goldenscript · 6 years

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i love crying so anything emotional is an instant read/watch for me ;;; AHH I KNOW I NEED TO WATCH AVATAR I HEARD IT'S AMAZING highkey hyped about it bc of zuko, heard his redemption arc is the best. and im a bitch for characters looking for redemption!! hit me with that character development shit!! and lmao nah gsnk is the funniest shoujo anime ive come across. oh yeah that winter sadness came in real strong for me this year too i was just so unmotivated? AND HAHA AJ RAFAEL'S WE COULD (1/?

HAPPEN HAUNTS ME TO THIS DAY BC EVERYONE PERFORMED IT AT THE TALENT SHOW. it was a bop back then tho. and ofc i’d notice bby!! honestly that song gives me such good vibes like :-( let me be in the mcu universe pls :-( omg wow thank u i’d love to have a friend like u tbh!! rbf duo lmao but HAHA THE OTHER DAY I WAS SO WEAK IN THE LIBRARY bc i went on my old aff account (come on i kno some of yall read/wrote fanfics on there) and i was cringing soo hard. my stories were so embarrassing (2/?

and i just cringed bc who would reaD THIS??? APPARENTLY A LOt oF PEOPLE?? Mind u this was in like middle school-freshmen year. lmao but at the same time i was like…. mildly impressed bc….. wow i had a lot of shit saved up that could’ve been so much more. It was all like bts, exo, bap, and block b hahah and being the fantasy nerd that i was, i made my own world and terms and?? there were also a bunch of angsty sad stories?? like damn who hurt past me?? thinking about going back to rewrite (3/?

them tbh. and i saw a convo between me and this writer and we were complaining about the lack of bts fics during the time LMAO this was probably like 2014? anyways, im so into the supernatural, dystopian, fantasy genres man!! like imagine bts (or anybody) bein some head ass demigods/high beings that are being punished for various reasons and the punishment involves them working mundane ass jobs lmao like mcd cashier, retail worker, cafeteria lady, janitor, delivery boy, etc on earth -sjsu

honestly, forgive me for being so crap about not responding to this yesterday! i was so tired i actually slept at 11 like my energy was so depleted, i didn’t want to sit up on my laptop or really open my eyes. it’s a first. usually i’m up until like 3 AM on weekends bc i get so energetic? but anyway, i hope you had a good friday!!!!!!!!! and i hope saturday’s treating you kindly :D

okay, me. i hate crying about emotional / personal issues, which is why i don’t really cry over that stuff?? like it’s too painful for me. but crying over shows???? idols??? done and done kjsdfhksjfha i cried like a bitch BOTH times i watched haikyuu!! and kuroko no basketball and…. ok i cried when i watched the second season of free! and voltron (did you know season 5 is up cuz i haven’t binged through it yet but aHHHHH!!!!) so you can see my priorities tbh. and yeeeeeeeees! i love redemption arcs too. i love anti-heroes bc they’re so multi-faceted like i know that’s expected but seeing them reveal different parts of themselves is just so nice and you come to love them bc some of their motivations are just so mislead i.e. zuko and wanting to please his father like he tries so hard and still it isn’t enough and he’s precious ok :( love him.

broooooooooooooo, same! i could do 9 AMs no biggie fall quarter (and one 8 AM discussion) but this quarter just having three of ‘em throughout the week is so hard. winter depression really hit me too. i don’t mention it on here a lot but it’s there and Strong. my coping mechanism is to just distract myself and keep busy tho.

WE COULD HAPPEN JFGKSHDKFJSH i remember when the mv dropped and all the uke players like………………….. died and ascended into another plane bc aj was the uke god back then. still talented af tho so good on him!!!!!!!! & (’: even just commenting on that change of my makes me so happy so thank you!!!!!!! i’d die to be in the mcu universe ok, lemme see a filipina hero or antihero pls n thx - that way i can truly say i’ve lived tbh. grhsgoshduj lmao yes let’s be the rbf duo!!!!!!!! me and you!!!!!!!!!!!

i actually never had an aff but my best friend read some stories on there LOL. i posted on quotev and fanfiction.net tho. like ff.net was how i got my start into the world of fanfics back in like 3rd grade??????? so 2008???????? but omfg when i posted fic on tumblr it was 5sos n teen wolf n yes sports anime…………………….. i kinda cringe with the pieces just ‘cuz i read this one 5sos one and it was just Cringey kdsjfhsjkhf the sports animes were fine-ish just cuz they were a little more recent but god just thinking about my older writing both horrifies and gratifies me bc i came such a long way to where i am now. i totally support going back and re-vamping them tho!!!!!!!!! i have a story from high school that was kinda a fanfic / venting piece and i posted it on my old account but never re-posted it here so whenever i touch it again i might just re-vamp it.

GIRL YAS. i fuckin’ love that!!!!!!!!!!! i love slice of life pieces cuz that’s my shit but i really want to do more fantasy pieces. i feel like i don’t have the guts to bc i have a few fantasy / dystopian wips that i have yet to touch but i aim to whenever the inspo’s there

#sjsu anon #answered #also pls tell me who is who in that demigod au of yours bc now i'm curious abt who's the cafeteria lady LOL

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anavoliselenu · 7 years

Text

Beautiful lies chapter 12

Chapter One

Selena

"Are you going to tell me where the money came from?" Becca looks at me expectantly over the rim of her third glass of Chardonnay.

"Justin," my liquor-loosened tongue reveals before I can filter it. "He and I had a kind of arrangement."

"How did you meet him?" Becca asks, her gaze inquisitive.

"Next question." I might be several drinks past drunk but there’s no way I’m telling her about the auction. I needed to maintain some dignity in this shameful situation.

Her eyes never stray from mine as she takes another contemplative sip. We’re sitting at a tiny bar in the lobby of our hotel. When I’d found out about Justin’s marital status, I’d fled for home, broken hearted and destroyed. Becca convinced me we needed a girl’s weekend away. I’d done one better and flew us to Rome on a whim. So here we sit, halfway around the world and all we can think to discuss is the exact topic that sent me running in the first place. Awesome. I take another healthy swig of my beverage. God, don’t they have anything stronger than wine in this country?

"What kind of arrangement can you make with a man where he just gives you half a million dollars, Soph?" Her tone is accusatory. Good thing she doesn’t know about the rest of the money, which is tucked inside my own bank account. I know my family has a lot of questions about where the money for Becca’s treatment came from, and so far, I haven’t said a word. Until now. Her eyes grow wide and she slaps a hand over her mouth. "Oh my God, were you like, his sex slave?" She giggles.

My cheeks burn brightly, but I shake my head. "You’d have to actually have sex for that to be the case, I’d think…"

She’s still giggling, so I know she has no idea she’s hit the nail on the head. Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner.

"Let’s not talk about the money, Becca. It’s not important. Justin was willing to provide it, and I don’t regret anything because it helped you get better. Please just let it go," I plead with her to let it drop. Her health is cooperating for once and I want to enjoy this trip – just us. I don’t want to even think about the name Justin Justin. It's much too painful.

"If he’s as hot as you’ve said he is, I would have had a hard time not ripping his clothes off and jumping him. Oops, I’m sorry, my vagina accidentally landed on your penis."

I crack a smile at her change in topic. Of course it’s about sex. Becca’s not a virgin and she’s much more forward about sex than I am. You’d think it’d be the opposite, but somehow, I’m the cautious one, whereas being sick from a young age taught her to grab life by the balls and live it to the fullest. I envy her in that.

Her first sexual experience was with a boy in the cancer treatment center. He was seventeen and she was just fifteen at the time. She’d told me every single detail, a proud gleam in her eye. It was inspiring how she let nothing stand in her way. I’d summoned her inner strength the night I stood on that auction block waiting to be sold.

"Soph?" she asks, drawing me back from my faraway thoughts. "Are you okay?"

"I miss him," I admit softly. "That’s crazy, right?"

"Not crazy. That’s normal when you break up with someone, from what I hear."

"I didn’t break up with him. He wasn’t my boyfriend. He’s married, remember?" I’d told Becca nearly everything – about me living with him, us growing closer, and about being naked in the pool when his wife arrived home one afternoon. Of course Justin tried to stop me, all but tackling me in the hallway of his mansion that suddenly felt cold and foreign to me. I waited for him to try and deny it, to explain it all to me, but sadly, it was all true. Stella was his wife. He'd been married the entire time.

"Technically. But I still think you need the rest of the story. Obviously his wife wasn’t living there. How long have they been separated?"

I shrug. "He hasn’t had sex in two years." Unless he was lying about that too. I don’t know what to believe anymore.

"Damn, that’s quite a dry spell. And if he’s as hot as you’ve said he is…it’s not like he didn’t have offers, right?"

I was one of those offering. I blush, realizing I’d practically put my vagina on a silver platter for him and he repeatedly turned it down. It’s enough to give a girl low self-esteem.

"Listen, it’s okay to miss him. It’s okay to feel confused." She reaches across the space between us and grabs my hand. Despite being six minutes younger than me, Becca has always been wise beyond her years. Her advice is thoughtful and spot on. She downs the last of her wine. "But we’re in frickin Rome for a once in a lifetime girls trip, so there will be no moping allowed. We’re going to have fun."

Yay, fun. My heart feels like it’s been fed through a paper shredder. I nod and force a smile onto my face. Becca’s right. This really could be a once in a lifetime trip for me and her. Who knows what the future holds. I can’t waste time feeling sorry for myself. Of course that’s easier said than done.

I miss Justin’s bed, his scent, the feel of his rough stubble against my cheek when we kissed. I miss everything about him. Just as we’d started to grow close, everything I’d come to love was ripped away from me, leaving a gaping hole in my chest.

Forcing the thoughts of him from my mind, I throw back the rest of my wine and glance at the charming ambience of the bar around us, hoping this trip will be the distraction I need.

***

The next morning, the knock on our hotel room door surprises us both. Becca and I exchange a look. She shrugs while I move across the room to answer it. At least we’re both dressed.

Once the door opens, I stumble back, looking up into dark, intense eyes framed in heavy lashes that I’d recognize anywhere.

"Colt…" I murmur, utterly shocked to see him here in Italy.

"Soph…" he returns, his voice gravelly.

"W-What are you doing here?" I’m breathless and I don’t know why.

"You," he says simply, his eyes burning on mine.

Everything I’ve tried to forget slams into me at once. His deep blue eyes that are hungry and seeking. His masculine jawline, his height, and even his scent evoke a sense of deja-vu. I remember everything in perfect detail, including the wicked pleasure he gave my body. I suppress a warm shiver.

"Hi cupcake," Pace says, grinning at me from behind Justin.

What in the world? Remembering my manners, I reluctantly let my gaze wander from Justin to greet Pace and I introduce him to Becca. Utterly at a loss for what they’re both doing here, I step aside to let them in.

Becca’s wide smile as she shakes Pace’s hand reminds me of the affect meeting him for the first time can have on a girl. Her cheeks are rosy and her eyes are alight with mischief. Oh, this isn’t good.

"And this must be the infamous Justin Justin," she says, locking eyes with Justin next.

Watching my sister as she appraises Justin's perfect form from head to toe, my chest gets tight and I feel tears sting my eyes. Then my anger starts to rise, remembering his betrayal. But I’m in such a state of shock, that it takes me a moment to get my mouth working. "Ignore him. He’s leaving," I say, remembering that he and I are through.

"Awe, don’t be like that," Pace says. "We just spent ten hours flying coach to come see you. The least you can do is invite us in, and let me flirt with your sister." His lopsided smile is back and I swear, I practically see Becca’s knees buckle.

"You flew coach for me?" I blurt without thinking.

"It was the only option. The jet wasn’t available. I wanted the next flight out and first class was full," Justin explains.

I try to imagine these two men – who are each well over six-feet tall folded into cramped airplane seats for hours on end.

"Now that’s love," Pace remarks under his breath.

"This is where you’re staying?" Justin peers around the tiny room, which takes all of three seconds.

Splurging was coming on this trip in the first place – I wouldn’t waste the precious money I had on first class airfare or a fancy hotel room. Even though Becca had responded well to the treatment so far, there was no guarantee that she’d stay healthy, or that she wouldn’t need another round in a pricey treatment facility.

"What’s wrong with the room? Not up to your high standards?" I remark, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

He frowns. "Let me upgrade you. Take you somewhere proper," Justin says, his dark eyes finding mine again.

How dare he? He can’t waltz in here, interrupt my vacation and then insult where I’m staying. He doesn’t control everything. The urge to push him from the room and slam the door in his face is nearly overwhelming. I pull a deep breath into my lungs, just as he reads my uneasy expression and takes a step back.

"Never mind. As long as you’re comfortable." He eyes the bed linens like he’s checking for bedbugs.

Asshole.

"I am." Or at least I was until he arrived out of the blue and completely threw my emotions into a tailspin.

Pace crosses the room, pulls out the small chair from the desk and plops down. His frame dwarfs everything in our tiny efficiency. He looks out of place, but in a good way. "I didn’t realize you had a sister. Sexy obviously runs in the family." He throws a wink toward Becca.

"We’re twins," Becca informs him.

We always looked a bit different, and now more than ever. With Becca’s hair growing back in, it just reaches the tops of her shoulders and she wears it wavy and messy. My hair falls like a thick curtain down my back and is as straight as an arrow. She’s also about fifteen pounds thinner than me. Chemo will do that to you.

"Mmm," Pace growls, his eyes wandering between us. "I’ve always had a secret twin fantasy." The hungry look in his eyes is enough to bring a woman to her knees. Becca stands zero chance against his charms.

Justin steps closer to my side, his fists tightening as he shoots an evil glare toward Pace. "Don’t make me kill you as soon as we’ve landed. It would really dampen the trip."

"Don’t make me confiscate your balls. Now go talk to your woman," Pace challenges.

I open my mouth to correct him. I am no one’s woman, but my brain flashes back to that fateful night when Justin purchased me from the auction. I accepted the money–and spent a good chunk of it. Does that mean I still belong to him despite finding out he’s married?

I cursed the stupid contract, I cursed the man himself for holding my heart captive. That was never part of the plan.

When I meet his eyes again, he looks lost, broken, and it tugs at something deep inside me. As much anger as I felt discovering that he’d lied to me the entire time we were together, I still have feelings for him. I can’t just turn them off. Despite his obvious shortcomings, he helped my sister, and he made me feel alive. He was everything I never knew I wanted.

"Can we go out into the hall and talk for a minute?" Justin asks, his voice whisper soft.

"Hear him out, kid. Do it for me," Pace says, dimples out in full force, like he knows they’re impossible to refuse. The jerk.

I swallow and give an imperceptible nod before following him into the hall. He flew halfway around the world; the least I could do was listen to his explanation. Maybe it will give me some much needed closure. Maybe I can get the answers I need to move on and also figure out where we stand with respect to the large chunk of money exchanged between us. He never collected on his end of the bargain after all, I am still a virgin.

Once we’re out in the hall, Justin stands before me, looking directly into my eyes. "So, that’s Becca, huh?" He tips his head toward the door.

"Yeah."

"She looks good – healthy, I mean."

I nod. "Yeah, the treatment worked – so far. She goes in for another round in two weeks, but with everything that’s happened, it seemed like a good time to get away – for both of us." She and I have never done anything like this, but it was part of my plan to start actually living.

He nods. "I see."

We’re silent for several seconds and Justin’s hand twitches like he wants to touch me, but he doesn’t. Thank God.

"And would your running away to another country have anything to do with…Stella?"

I flinch involuntarily. I hate that he’s just said her name. It immediately conjures images of that day in the pool, when my whole little world shattered. In the country of Italy, her name should not exist.

"Will you tell me the story?" I ask.

"Anything you want to know."

"Are you getting divorced?"

"That’s up for debate."’

"Then I’m leaving." I turn for the door, my hand gripping the knob.

"No. Stay. Please hear me out," Justin pleads, prying my fingers from the door handle.

His hand on my skin sends a flash of heat through me at the memory of what those hands can do. He’s still the only man who’s made me come. I shudder as though the memory singes some part of me.

I hear a wave of girly laughter behind the door. It warms me to hear Becca enjoying herself, and it grounds me in the moment. Turning to face Justin again, I draw a deep, calming breath. "Do you love her?"

"No." His voice is sure, steady. "I never loved her like I should have."

My shoulders relax just slightly. Even if my body wants to run, and my head is screaming at me to flee, my heart has grown attached to this man. And for better or worse, part of me needs to hear him out, to understand this messy situation I’ve found myself in. Maybe if I can make sense of it, then I can move on.

"Please let me explain, that’s all I’m asking." He raises his palms in a placating gesture.

I’ve never seen him look so devastated and broken. Dark circles line his eyes and he hasn’t shaved in days. Even though I’ve agreed to hear him out, a wave of nausea washes through me. Am I prepared to handle whatever he’s about to tell me? I fasten one hand against the wall for support. "I just need a minute…"

He releases a heavy exhale and I swear what looks like regret washes over his features. "I will give you all the time you need, sweetness," he whispers.

The nickname against his lips presses like a weight onto my chest. My heart feels heavy, thudding dully against my ribcage.

Another fit of Becca’s giggles greet us from behind the door.

"He’s probably trying to de-pants her," Justin says.

"I don’t think she’d mind much."

"Should we check on our siblings while we’re giving you a minute?"

I nod. We might as well. I don’t think I’m ready to hear the entire sordid tale about how the man I was falling for is married and by the sounds of it, not necessarily planning to divorce. A stiff drink might help ease some of this ache in my chest too.

Back inside the cramped hotel room, Becca and Pace are standing near the open windows, deep in conversation. I’ve never seen her look so happy and chipper. She’s openly flirting and preening like a peacock, twirling a lock of hair around her finger and smiling up at him brightly. Our vacation is about to get a lot more interesting.

Realizing we’re back in the room, Becca turns to me. "Soph, did you know Pace spent a semester studying here in Rome? He’s going to take me sightseeing – show me all the best spots that aren't in those travel guides we bought."

So much for kicking Pace and Justin out. This was supposed to be a girl’s trip, but I won’t deny Becca anything, and I can tell she’d love to spend more time in Pace’s company. It’s that damn crooked grin and dimple of his that just beg you to come out and play.

"How did you know where I was?" I ask Justin.

"Kylie," he confirms.

I’d started working with Kylie at Justin’s charity organization a few days a week and it didn’t feel right to leave her hanging. And while I’d only intended to tell her that I would be out of town for a while, she somehow got me to spill the beans about my trip to Rome.

"When did you get here?" he asks.

"Last night." It’s almost noon, but with the jetlag and the wine we consumed last night, Becca and I haven’t unpacked a thing. It’s actually a small miracle we’re up and showered.

"I assume you haven’t had lunch yet. Let’s get you something to eat and I’ll explain everything." He turns to my sister who is for some reason squeezing Pace’s bicep while he grins adoringly down at her. "Pace, Becca, how about a quick bite to eat before you start your sightseeing?"

"I’m game," Pace says.

"Me too," Becca chimes in, grabbing her purse.

I want to sulk and stomp my feet and refuse to go, but denying myself food seems like a childish way to punish him. "There’s room service." I nod toward the menu sitting on top of the dresser.

"No way we’re sitting inside the room all day, Soph," Becca encourages. "Come on, it’s just lunch."

I shoot her a scowl. Traitor. I make a mental note to not be so nice to her. Like saving her some hot water for her shower this morning–that was a one-time deal. She might think she’s helping by interfering with me and Colt, but she’s not.

I gather up my belongings, my purse, sunglasses and the Euros I changed over before we left the airport, and follow the group to the elevator. This should be interesting.

Chapter Two

Selena

The sidewalk café is beautiful and understated. Black wrought iron tables and chairs with fluffy wine-colored cushions, and ivy growing along a little trellis that separates the street from the sidewalk café complete the space. It’s sunny and clear with blue skies overhead, but not too warm, and I find it hard to hold onto my sour mood.

Justin suggests a white wine from a local vineyard and when it arrives, I’ve never tasted anything quite so light, crisp and refreshing. His impeccable taste is just one more thing that’s easy to love about him. But I can’t go there. Won’t. My body has already betrayed me by springing to life when he’s near, like when he helped me into my chair and his hand brushed against my lower back. It left my skin tingling. And when he slid out the chair across from me, his tall, commanding presence caused a little flutter in my chest. I need to keep myself in check.

His eyes roam over my exposed skin–my bare shoulders peeking from the tank top–and my chest and neck flush with heat.

I’m glad our siblings are picking up the slack when it comes to making conversation, because Justin and I remain completely silent. Small talk doesn’t seem to fit my mood and I’d have no idea what to say regardless. They chatter away without a care in the world while Justin and I exchange serious looks.

"So how long are you guys here?" Becca asks.

"Depends," Pace says.

"On?" I challenge. As far as I’m concerned, Justin has made his point, showing up here in some masculine display to claim his property. He can piss off now, thank you very much.

Justin’s sad eyes slide over to mine. "I want a chance," he says, his voice dark.

A chance to explain, or a chance with me? I’m thankful for the large wraparound sunglasses that shield my eyes from his.

"Isn’t that what she gave you all those weeks in LA?" Becca asks, coming to my rescue.

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