#because you went hard on the asks

[lmelodie]

got distracted by cartoons, have a late ask game ask!!!!!

i wanna know! #s 5, 7, 8, 12, 25, 26, and 30!

Is that too much? MAYBE! But I feel like at this point in my internet life and our interactions and such, this is just to be expected ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(I will not be chill w/ q's next time fr fr)

(i am lying)

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself

Oh I post SO MUCH of my stuff. The doodle dumps are to blame mostly. Thats gotta be an 80/20 ratio on stuff that sees the light of day. This website is my dumping ground and i will use it like a fucking landfill.

Here's an ANCIENT doodle of the actual canonical characters of this franchise for the trouble.

(Small Buddy with elf shoes is a whole staple fyi)

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate

As per last ask, Comic artists! I do not have any will whatsoever to be stylistically consistent at all! I appreciate the people who can so many characters that many times AND convey a story. Cheers to that bro, could not be me.

8. What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in

I don't know about any other projects I've abandoned but here's a character I've abandoned! Kinda, not really. Its Death! Death WILL make an appearance in CC, in the finale, but they've gotten a redesign as of late so here's what they used to look like

Thye used to be VERY self-inserty, but now their gonna be a lot more god like and much more ambiguous. Just you wait til Lucy meets them in person >:)

12. Easiest part of body to draw

Hands! People say their hard, but I think I've done enough studies to where I can crank out a decent hand like nothing. Love drawing hands.

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by

I don't remember ever receiving a direct comparison to something pertaining to my art 🤔 Now I'm curious as to what it reminds people of!

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended

Most of my pieces are pretty straight forward. We do it for the sillies here. I'm really blanking on this one! I dont do too much hidden meaning in illustrations, if I want something to look cool im gonna try and make it cool. Not a lot to interpolate lol

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

Probably a tie between these two!

It's probably because i starred at both of them it until my eyes bled but I like em! The lighting on Mera and Kills and the rock bridge on the wild west one scratches my brain itches.

#asks #thanks dani! #because you went hard on the asks #i went hard on the visual aids >:)

[shanastoryteller]

do you have any fic recs for drarry soulmate aus? I just finished rereading siat with the new chapter and i want more but I'm having trouble choosing one to read when i search on my own since there's so many

I uh .... don't really like .... soulmate aus

writing tropes I generally don't like in a way that personally sparks joy is also responsible, either entirely or in part, for an invincible summer, an interesting trip, doubt the stars, a terrifying clamour of trumpets, garden or graveyard, little lion boy, lynchpin, and that is a door

it's. maybe sort of a problem

but my followers might have some recs?

#i actually do it in some way in almost everything i write but these are the ones where its central #little lion boy actually started bc someone sent in an ask to say they had a hard time with Gryffindor draco and how would i write it #and my immediate answer is that i wouldnt because it wouldn't work and then i went WELL maybe if you did it LIKE THIS #anywho I've read more omegaverse aus that ive genuinely enjoyed than soulmate aus #and i tend to actively dislike omegaverse vs just being generally unimpressed by soulmate aus #asks #anon

[cloudysfluffs]

tickling your human host is SO unfair

(ns//fw and/or fetish blogs please dni🙏🙏)

#my art #tickle art #um. i dont know what to say about this #this is EASILY the most self indulgent thing ive ever posted. so much so that i worked THIS HARD and still considered not posting it #might delete later :pensive: #but you guys SAID YOU WANTED SA//M AND MA//X ART!!!!!!!!! bet you didnt think itd be about this guy huh #im gonna be real with you all papier///waite is just my favorite character Of All Time. easily #why? dont ask questions. just look at him #SPOILERS for tdp obviously #but the first time me n rocket played 304 together #and we saw the reveal of. THESE GUYS. #we both paused the game and went 'HMMMMMMMMMM' out loud #because we both thought the SAME THING. #honestly summoning a tentacle god is lee behavior. whats he gonna use those for? wrecking you? #the answer is yes #imagine being ticklish and also being a lee and accidently fusing with your Favorite God #and he can READ YOUR MND. and picks up on being a ler SO fast. #THATS BEEN THIS GUY'S LIFE FOR 100 YEARS #sam and max the devils playhouse spoilers #sam and max tickle #anyway. *closes eyes for the last time*

[hajihiko]

That is generally sad because having parents who aren't really abusive or emotionally straining yet- they don't really feel like people who LOVE you? I guess? Like- Hajime's parents were probably just normal everyday parents like Makotos but, I'm just spit Ballin here, they're less optimistic than Makotos parents, who in contrast, always bonded with their children and loved them right off the bat.

You can feel like a stranger in your family, and that sucks. It's no one's direct fault and no one can point to any huge grievance, which makes it hard to pinpoint, which means you never get the Comfort Of Family or the Tools of Dealing With Abusive Parents- you just. Manage.

#Parents who do their due diligence but cannot connect with their kid once it has a personality and opinions- it's real ask your friends #I feel like Hajimes parents just sort of went By The Book and nothing more. #Convo at the dinnertable was just. How was school? How was work? Any extra curriculars? #The neighbours got a dog. How is your old friend? Oh you havent talked in 6 years? The balcony needs painting. #That's it. Bed time. No one ever gets close at all. It's more polite conversation than you'd have at the bus stop #No interest and most of all no desire or dare to rock the boat. This works. We function as a family. That's the best we can do. #Otherwise we'd bring up a problem which unearths years and YEARS of unhappiness that ruins our otherwise stable life #Every single moment of frustration comes out at once. Because none of it ever got aired out. Cant have that can we?? #So again. How was school? Doing good? Try hard okay? Good night.

[crossbackpoke-check]

it’s all the rest of what i want with you

connor dewar/brandon duhaime :: 8k

Summary:

“Brandon,” Connor says with a sigh. “There’s no baby in there.”

“Not yet,” Brandon says. Connor feels his stomach twist, almost like what he would imagine a baby kicking to feel like.

in these trying times of dewvorce, may i offer you 8k of pwp inspired by @stillfertile’s wonderful art which i had. several breakdowns about 🫶 anyway please enjoy!!!

#OFFICIAL FIC ANNOUNCEMENT 🗣️🗣️🗣️‼️‼️‼️ i wish i had pretty fic graphics but alas i have No Skill and also. so much work i should be doing bu #HI SHE’S HERE i would love to say this is a complete surprise drop except i have Anxiety & i needed to ask you guys about it beforehand #in my defense i started writing this in like. january far before any tragedy occurred #because square asked about my tags on their dewey2 art and she spawned like. a million more thoughts about it #including the part where i got absolutely kicked in the face with the lightning vision of those two lines. #like those two lines are the first actual lines of the fic i wrote ajdhkwdiowdjiw ANYWAY please be nice to me i know i am always like #‘this is not the first real fic i ever thought i’d post’ and if i had a nickel i’d have three but this is the first pwp i’ve ever posted #and it’s 8k and it’s not a fic for an exchange (although technically i did very much write this for the dewey^2 hivemind so.) #i have SO many things to say i have so many comments on this doc also i couldn’t pick a title for the LONGEST time and i finally decided on #this one but the full quote was too long: #all the rest of what i want with you that scares me shitless #so. i was angling SO hard to make a yung gravy lyric as a title bc i saw the video of him at a wild game but i couldn’t find a good one #and instead y’all got a very sentimental title l m a o. #liv in the replies #shout out to the extended universe this lives in and also my unhinged comments in the docs. #if you liked fun fuck a baby in him friday i’ll be here all week i promise i am the exact same in the comments as i am in the tags 🫡 #the NUMBER of times i wrote something in this by pulling it out of my ass and then actually went back and did the research & was RIGHT is. #far too high. also the amount of coincidental things that dropped while i was writing this (yung gravy song about pregnancy AFTER i wheeze #laughed myself into a yung gravy title the athletic player poll confirming my restaurant & bar choices from googling ‘st. paul good bars’…) #also if anybody got advice on formatting for these little announcements. help. this is different from my miro/luka one &i’m still not happy

[savage-rhi]

Magenta.

#i lost my job #even though they're not saying its because of my disability it is because of it #I've been applying to places and some of the safety nets i had fell through #im scared right now and feel very betrayed #i got enough to get me through the month but beyond that idk what to do #i have resources im looking into and as most know that doesn't put a dent into finances #i need help #i feel bad for asking and i know i preach people shouldnt feel ashamed #but i do get where folks are coming from with that #the shame is powerful especially when you pride yourself as someone that takes care of themselves #im open to ideas opinions whatever folks want to say #i haven't felt this triggered ptsd wise in a long time past homeless experience and work abuse has been creeping in #I'm trying to get to the good but its really hard seeing it right now after getting screwed for the millionth time #for something i can't control with my body #i guess on a good note that partnership meeting went well #it seems like an excellent opportunity but its also an investment and i don't have the means to put into that right now

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Anyone else have near-perfect executive function at work; but at home, have literally no energy or motivation to do anything except lie in a dark room, with something in or on your ears for several hours?

#It’s got to be the schedule keeping me on task at work #I love microdosing strict routines (not having an actual routine for the day; but having routines for small tasks #which piss me off if I can’t carry them out precisely the way I planned) #For instance: If I’m asked to paperclip a bunch of stuff together with multicolored paperclips of various sizes #I cannot just indiscriminately pick paperclips from the container because that is WRONG and ILLEGAL #The colors must fit the theme of the assignments; and the colors must alternate in a specific order #and the paperclips must all be the same size #If I’m asked to dump out and clean containers of writing utensils I am going to sort them by type and color #whether you like it or not #Black permanent markers have their own container in a different section from the blue permanent markers #Dry-erase markers are not to be mixed with permanent markers because they are easily confused and it is WRONG and ILLEGAL #Do not fuck with the system. It’s the only organizational skill I have and by fucking GOD I’m going to use it in EXCESS #I stuff and fill out envelopes the exact same way every time because if I do it any other way it is WRONG and ILLEGAL #The stamp always goes on last to minimize monetary waste if there is a mistake #Now you’d think my room is squeaky clean and organized because of how particular I am about these small tasks #Right? Right? #NO IT IS NOT. It looks like a bomb went off. Cleaning the room is a big task which cannot be accomplished within two hours #therefore I have discarded it as anything I need a routine for because it would take too long to come up with #and it is very hard for me to do things like that without instructions or a sense of consistency #So I simply don’t #“After five years the dust doesn’t get any worse” correct; but the mold certainly does #I am convinced half my problems with organization as a kid would have been solved if I just had a hamper #“We have a clothes chute; you don’t need a hamper” Maybe you don’t but I DO #I want one now; but I’m going to use it as incentive to get an apartment #because that’s another thing I need to smuggle and I have too much already

[flamboyant-king]

Hey babes, sorry I've been dead, but I coulda been literally dead if I had not gone.

I didn't hurt myself and we're still figuring things out. I would love to share but I've already forgotten what I've learned. I hope I get more guidance and time for healing and learning on how to lead my life in a better direction than where I was. But that takes time and effort.

I hope to get some rest, get some support, and get it together. But right now, I don't think it's healthy for me to worry about art in the way I do now. I may not express it here, but trying to maintain my art endeavors/projects while there's so much bullshit going on backstage is not helping me. Especially since I'm not even obligated to do so. But trying to force myself to do something I am currently unable to do will just make me feel worse. I'll follow my dreams and passions one day, but I've been putting off the healing process for years.

So I guess it's better to get better now so I can get the ball rolling again. Why drive on a flat tire?

#i was in there for a week and ill continue partial hospitalization for a few weeks #i hope i learn more and i hope i get specific help to my issues. because whay i learned there didnt directly pertain to me #but having structured daily life felt nice. but it wasnt all relaxing because there were still responisibilites on the outside world #tapping on the window or calling me on the phone. chose the best time for a meltdown. i have taxes and credit card bills to take care of #but if i stress about it now ill jsut be going back to the ER and thats no good. the hospital was so cold dude im glad im home with blankets #this is mr octopus again. im glad i broguh hom to work. i went straight to er from work and if i had no plushie with me #i probably would have stayed longer or be even more mentally unstable and distressed. its good to have comfort items #i dont think i want to know ehat if be like without some kind of companion or grounding item with me. i dont want to imagine me without em #its okay to have a little friend with you. i would be so distraught. everyone loved me there #the nurses the patients the residents yhe social workers the students #mr. octopus made them happy because of his big smile and mine too. the people there did not expect the mass amoutns of stress and depression #in this bubbly happy baby witb a happy pink octopus. one of the patients thought it was the meds the happy pills they gave me #no im jsut naturally like this. or artificially like this. i still dont know how to express or understand my feelings #if what im showing is real or not because i know ill be the happiest in the room wherever i go. maybe its a front or a mask #but when im like that kinda hard to know whats really underneath. they always ask me if im okay but i turn to myself #and its nondescript like ive put a blanket over how i really feel. its weird. the bubbly energy is blinding. #words #mr octopus #mental health #doodles

[willowser]

why did ex husband bkg and reader break up ? 😞😞😞

oh dear 🥺 i think it was just a lot at once for you both 🥺

i said this in the tags already, but — i think being a father really, really terrified bakugou. whether he knew he wanted kids or not, the finality in the fact that he was bringing a tiny human into the world to mold and shape is like ajfeuehwkq because he has his issues and his problems and his sensitivities and his traumas and he knows all about them, had them for a while. how that impacts you, i think even after your lil baby was born, he was still working on that. it's probably something he'll have to work on for the rest of his life, the way he copes and deals with his humanness.

but now he's got a teeny baby ? 🥺 one that will watch his every move ? 🥺 one that will learn from him, whether katsuki wants him to or not ? 🥺 you're an adult and the way in which katsuki affects you can be resolved a little easier, because you're a fully developed person, but a baby ?? oh god, i think he was fucking terrified LOL of course happy, ultimately, but this was something that was going to completely alter the course of his life from then on.

and having a baby is hard !! they get sick and scream and cry and it's exhausting, trying to keep up with them !! you come second, especially when a baby is so young, and that is a big change !! coupled with the fact that he's a top hero with responsibilities he can't ignore; there were many, many times when he had to go, you know ? a child couldn't take precedent over his career, even if he wanted it to and — i don't think he wanted it to ? i don't mean this as a negative, but i think there was (keyword: was) a time when he preferred being out on patrol, taking down criminals and working himself to the bone, instead of facing this monumental, inescapable change in his life.

being a hero is all he knows, it's something he's done for so long, and he doesn't know shit about babies !! and i don't mean this to say he totally abandoned you, but he wasn't always home and it's hard enough !! and you had to do a big chunk of it alone 🥺 and it's hard not to get resentful about that 🥺 you're both tired and frustrated and having to adapt and i think it was easy to fight and get distant.

it didn't happen right away, but i do think it was sudden, when it did. you probably asked him not to go to work at times — which was a hard thing to do — and he had to walk out that door and live with himself — which was even harder. i think you wanted time away because you were angry, and then the fight about the house began; he wanted you and the baby to stay, but you didn't want to sit there anymore without him; what the fuck was katsuki going to do with a four bedroom house by himself? it was a mess.

i think you were probably living separately for about a month or two — which put a larger strain on your relationship — before you requested the divorce. because it just wasn't working and i think you were hurt and katsuki was trying but wasn't communicating, which hurt more, and it just kind of imploded. and katsuki was like ABSOLUTELY. NOT — which only started another fight LOL

would not sign anything. would not even talk about it. wouldn't entertain the thought. he's angry because you're angry, he's yelling because you're yelling, your baby is crying and you're fighting over who is going to change him, where he's going to sleep for the night; why would he go with katsuki, when he can never stay home long enough to take care of him ? but if you want him to be around s'damn bad, why are you trying to keep him away ? it was a MESS.

it takes his dad talking to him to figure out what to do, as heart-breaking as that is. has to tell him that time apart might be what's best for the both of you, that holding on too tight might cause more pain than he realizes. it seems like the end, but — it doesn't have to be. you have the rest of your son's life, at least, to understand what you really want from each other, and it was better to preserve that in the safest way possible than to cause irreparable damage.

he only agrees on the condition that you see each other every week, taking the time to have dinner as a family. custody is a fickle thing and you're both more than happy to figure it out amongst yourselves — which you have, over time. it was finalized quickly, once he stopped resisting. once he decided to place his hope in the future alone.

#not to say it's because you had a baby but LOL #listen. babies are difficult and that's okay #being a parent is hard and that's okay #people aren't suddenly selfless perfect beings the moment they become parents — and that's okay #i don't mean to write it as if he's the awful bad guy in the situation bc that's not how i see it ! he's human ! #and he has a lot to overcome as it is ! #it was just hard 🥺 #harder to keep up with than it was to be apart 🥺 #i went off on this again SORRY LOL #my nephew lived with me from the time he was born until about 2ish and it was. ROUGH. #to say the least LOL #cw children #✿ willow writes #✿ ask willow #✿ thoughts: bakugou #✿ theme: ex husband bakugou

[blueberryspyder]

I know my blog doesn’t have like, any followers, but I wanna make it clear that transmisogynists are not welcome here. I also know for a fact I have some people I need to unfollow for being transmisogynists. The last few months I’ve been very, very confused by wtf “transandrophobia” was, and I had only ever seen the “good” side of it, and never the side of it being used to actively hurt trans women. I’ll admit I’m still confused on certain things, but I’m not above admitting that I might be wrong and I’m willing to learn, so thank you for your patience.

To any trans women/trans fems who follow me: I support you, and I want you to feel safe here.

Edit: I’m retracting the bit about transandrophobia, since some of y’all have been really kind (genuinely) and helped explain the theory to me (as well as the antisemitism behind the “truther” term, which I apologize for).

To any fellow trans men/trans mascs that follow me: I want you to ALSO feel safe here. Even if my original message came from a good place, it was still worded poorly and painted us in a bad light. I won’t delete this post cause I don’t want to hide from my misconceptions and help others like me who are confused, and because I want to stand behind the message that transphobia of any kind is NOT welcome here. Thank you 😊

#captain's log #wanted to make it clear #since I’ve been very in the dark about what transandrophobia stood for #I never fully believed in it but I did agree with some of their comments #I saw there was… antagonistic energy towards the group to say the least #and the way they would respond put me off #so I sat outside of it and looked at it through a critical lens before diving in #and then I saw that one anon message and went ‘ah okay’ #remember: you are not immune to propaganda/cult like mentality #I’m grateful I’ve learned to be critical about what others tell me #and to look into things before I take a stance #and I can’t beat myself up for that because I thought it was just a blog dedicated to trans men! and I’m trans masc! #but after learning about it I started looking at what they were really saying and I didn’t. like a lot of what I saw #but I still saw things that I agreed with #so I was confused #it feels hard to ask about it yknow? especially since I was only seeing the ‘hate’ from people who didn’t believe it existed #so I’m really glad I found that long post from earlier it really shed some light for me

[akkivee]

once again thinking about my ideal 3rd drb match up and how it’d stack up with plot beats and so far all i got is

🔴💥⚪️: true hypnosis mic opponents, maybe jakurai ends up on a side for further development to save yotsutsuji and that’s against ichiro’s current goal

🔵💥🟠: haven’t quite figured out why, but rei vs samatoki is the angle i’m thinking about

🟡💥🟣: all plot stakes division vs no stakes division lol idk really but i’m leaning towards a bonds angle or if hypmic wants to be real freaky, the side effects angle 🤔

#this is vee speaking #i still think a new format could happen but idk lol there’s so many unknowns rn #like what’s next specifically lmao #i personally feel it would be a waste not to have jakurai working to finalise development for this potential other true hypnosis mic lol #like they teased him joining chuuoku but then didn’t commit?????? huh?????? #what about his struggle with causing more harm vs saving that one?????? like come on now?? #so here’s me trying to put him back on that track lol #why not sasara vs samatoki you might ask lol and my answer is that’s the poster fight but the real fight is between rei and samatoki lol #samatoki was weirdly interested in rei watching bb vs dh and there’s a panel in showdown battle where samatoki looks…… #he’s very hard to read actually while listening to ichiro #samatoki and rei are paralleling in the block party as individuals moved by ichiro’s ideals #so while i’m not sure if ichiro would be the reason to fight (🎋hahahaha🎋) i think there’s potential for strife #*sighs at bat* why doesn’t kr want to do anything with y’all lmao #if they went the side effects angle it’d be cool to have ramuda the guy whose clones die using the true hypnosis mic #vs kuukou who might be suffering from side effects (and against the guy that caused them tho he’s forgiven ramuda lol) #jyushi’s hypnosis ability to ‘recover’ is genuinely interesting because what is he recovering???? and why haven’t we seen it yet????? #maybe they’re lying in wait lol (delusional) #bonds angle is me grasping at straws lol but here’s how i can get my ideal match ups—

[despairforme]

He's swiping right on literally everyone now. Fuck it. He's gonna find a date.

#[ nnoitra you already had no standards LOL ] #[ y e a h he does need a date tho 8) ] #[ man oh man i actually managed to sleep despite my cough ] #[ probably because i went to bed at like 7 lmao ] #[ today i'm gonna drink a ton of water to heal myself ] #[ AND WORK ON DRAFTS ] #[ thank you so much to everyone who sends me asks t-t i'm very spoiled ] #[ just gotta focus on drafts now bc people have been so patient and they deserve to have replies to our threads!! ] #[ cannot get over how kind everyone is to me hhhhhhhh ] #[ will work hard!! ] #despair for me. ╱ in character. #burn the city. ╱ main verse. #[ hope you're all doing goood! ]

[bookofjudith]

“how do you know you love him” well every time he achieves something I genuinely cry because I’m so proud I feel like my heart will burst. So, there’s that

#when he ran his race we went to a bar for drink and the bartender was asking him how he did and said ‘ #I can tell you did well because she’s smiling so hard’ #it was adorable

[bakapandy]

Excuse my question, but you're like the only person who loves all sand sibs equally, so I know your answer is gonna be objective and unbiased. Is it true that Kankuro is the "most useless sibling" as many people claim? Cause he does get many scenes for a secondary character. Like, the Gaara rescue arc, the war where he not only fights Sasori, but in the anime, has extra scenes guarding Deidara and fighting Chiyo. People like to compare him to Temari a lot (ofc we know that none of them compares to Gaara), and say she's done more stuff. But in the Gaara rescue thing, she does nothing. In the war, I can remember Kank's fight vs Sasori, I can't remember Tem fighting anyone of relevance. So like, I don't get people who call him useless, or worse "the Sakura of the sand sibs", when Sakura ain't useless either. Idk, what do you think about this whole thing? Do you think Kank is the useless sibling?

Pd: I don't intend to make anyone mad, I really just want to know your opinion, since this whole discourse has been going on in the Naruto fandom for ages, and Kank has been called useless too many times to count, so I wanted to know your take on this.

I literally have never heard this take before so I’m not sure what branch of fandom you’re in. Granted, although I’ve been watching Naruto since 2006, I rarely engaged with the fandom and the point I am now is the closest I’ve ever been in fandom but I still ignore like 98% of it bc I don’t have the time or the energy to deal with such insignificant and petty discourse.

As for my opinion on the take itself…I think it’s ridiculous. Each of the siblings have their strengths and weaknesses and they are successful because they complement each other as a unit.

I love to joke that Kankurou suffers from Middle Child Syndrome but honestly he’s incredibly talented in his own right. He currently leads Suna’s terrorism division and is described to be a charismatic and well-trusted leader. Skill-wise, he’s the best puppet user in the village, if not in Suna history at this point. Yes he fell to Sasori during the Gaara rescue arc but he was like 16??? To Sasori being a whole adult with much more battle experience??? But by the time the 4th War rolled around, less than 2 years later, Kankurou had advanced in his puppetry enough to surpass both Chiyo and Sasori and be formally acknowledged by the two as having done so. He may not have a destructive wide-range fighting style like his siblings, but his precision and tactical strategy is unmatched.

Yes, he’s definitely the silliest of the three but that’s a part of his charm. His outgoing and approachable nature is something that makes him well loved by the village and his subordinates. Gaara is stated in his novel to envy Kankurou’s ability to built rapport and relations on a personal level with their people. Many people in the village actually wanted Kankurou to replace Gaara as the Kazekage. Honestly, I highly doubt Gaara would have been able to gain favor in the village as quickly as he did if it weren’t for Kankurou’s steadfast and open support. Temari’s as well, but Kankurou and Gaara had a particular bond as brothers, and he fiercely protective of his younger brother.

Anyway, that’s my rant bc Kankurou deserves better lmao

#ask pandy #frankly #I’m also of the opinion #that if your interpretation of any character is like this #sakura included #then your understanding of the characters #is very superficial #I don’t consider myself a Sakura stan #and I’m not happy with several aspects of her characterization #if you discount the hard work and rapid improvement #she went through to better herself and become stronger #and just call her useless #then I have no reason to argue because there’s no critical thinking there #also let me clarify #that by ‘you’ i mean generally #not you specifically anon

[healingheartdogs]

Cardio said my echocardiogram ultrasound, exercise stress test, and week long heart monitor all showed no serious issues, my resting heart rate is fine, but that my heart rate does seem to rise very rapidly under even small amounts of stress (postural changes, taking stairs, casually walking around my house) and rises very high (160+ bpm according to the monitor) so now I get to be put on beta blockers to see if they work and if they do she said that is sufficient evidence to confirm for sure that it's POTS.

Obviously could confirm it as well with a tilt table test but those are TORTURE based off what I've heard from fellow POTSies so I am very thankful that she doesn't think that's necessary and will not be making me do one.

#i was not expecting to get dx and meds this fast tbh but im very happy about it #i think the fact that she also has POTS herself helps because she is very well acquaintaned with what it looks and feels like #and how hard it is to actually catch with orthostatics in office unless youre having a bad heart day #so my orthostatics not being within range was unsurprising to her and she was like #'that doesnt mean anything you clearly still have a heart rate issue going on even if it didnt show itself right now' #i didnt do shit the entire week i had that monitor on to like physically exert myself but my heart rate still hit almost 170 a few times #also the doctor who did my stress test asked me if i ever experience any chest discomfort or pain and i was like hm no dont think so #and he went 'your chart says you have palpitations though?' #and i was like '... those count as discomfort???' akdjaicidjwjcjsn the answer is yes apparently #im just so used to them now because i have them daily that they dont even really register to me anymore #unless theyre bad enough to knock the wind out of me or make me cough #they just make me anxious which... ig is also a form of discomfort #chronic illness and chronic pain problems though lol not having a normal baseline for discomfort and pain #ndr #not dog related #health stuff #not that anyone probably cares lol but im excited about getting things that have neen affecting me for years FINALLY figured out #im not crazy im just disabled!!!! #*been

[void-and-virtue]

OP I LOVED UR ANDREIL POST GOING CRAZY THINKING ABOUT IT if you have anything else in that amazing brain of yours on this take please do share because i absolutely LOVED how you articulated this aspect about andreil. its something i particularily appreciate about their dynamic and relationship with anger and Their Issues TM. your post will cross my mind whenever ill think about it from now on.

I don’t think I have ever gotten an ask and this is kind of making me go insane??? I hope you know that you made my day and also, I’m so glad people share in my endless brainrot bc when it comes to this series and these characters I simply cannot stop

It really isn’t nearly talked about enough that the thing that got Andrew to actually look at Neil and become interested was (as cited by Neil himself at some point tho I can’t remember in which book that scene is from the top of my head) Neil’s bone-deep jealousy of Kevin. It’s—it ties into that whole epiphany that Neil has at some point, when he looks at Andrew and realizes that while he is hurtling towards his own breaking point and about to burn out and shatter into something he’s not sure he’d recognize if he survived the encounter, Andrew hit that point and broke from it years ago. And that’s an understanding that goes both ways between them—in a fucked up way, it feels like Andrew might be the future that Neil has waiting for him if he doesn’t end the year six feet under: hollow and drifting, passionless after everything he had to rip away from himself to be able to survive. At the same time, Neil probably reminds Andrew of how he used to be, back when he had hope for things only to have that hope rip him apart—which is exactly where Neil seems to be headed for the majority of the story.

I think that a lot of Andrew’s understanding of Neil comes from the fact that he knows intimately what it feels like to be caught between a rock and a hard place and cut his own lifeline, only to then fail to die on impact. Neil hasn’t had to resort to that yet, but he is hanging by a thread. You’d think that watching him struggle would only serve to drive it home for Andrew that he made the right choice in closing himself off, except… well. His expectations of life and the people in it are so bleak, it’s no wonder he finds himself drawn to Neil’s messy emotions and every unexpected show of spine like a moth to a flame.

Neil, for all of his issues and scars, can still feel things—can still want something so badly it defies all logic. Can want something with such visceral, fucked-up intensity that it resonates where it shouldn’t. It’s an ability that Andrew thinks he’s either lost or cut out of himself to stay somewhat safe, sane and alive a long time ago, but that remains as the most fundamental crack in the foundation of his being. It’s a fascination that seems to come out every time he’s sober and eventually ties into him wanting Neil—wanting something worth wanting and putting a name to it once he finds it. They look at each other and don’t want a watered-down version of the person in front of them. It creates a relationship that embraces issues big and small and accepts (even values!) the messy parts of being human. It means that any space shared between them immediately becomes safe once they settle into something comfortable together. The way they handle the uglier sides of each other’s personality honestly makes me feral because it’s always done with understanding and acceptance and they even find positives or comforts there that the other can’t see and that’s probably a reason for why 1) their chemistry is so off the charts and 2) their relationship is so damn healthy (in addition to their communication being stupidly good when it comes to each other).

Andrew wants something real and Neil wants to be real. And then they get to have exactly that.

#I hope this is even somewhat coherent #this went way out of hand but it’s an aspect of them that’s so hard to put into words #something something Andrew’s almost detached fascination with intense emotions and fervor #he shows that same tendency when it comes to Kevin vs exy as well #in the sense that I’m convinced Kevin’s passion both fucks him up and mystifies him #Neil is just much more up close and personal bc yeah his original devotion that caught Andrew’s eye was to the sport #but then Andrew got to experience that devotion turned around on himself full force #you cannot tell me he was ready for that #but also also #this and the og posts were meant to be about Neil and Neil’s emotions being ugly and messy and human #and how that resonates with Andrew because even terrible feelings can be better than an emotionless void #between numbness and twisted-up falsities #Neil’s raw emotions were probably the most honest thing about him early series and he had a lot that he was never allowed to express before #and not only is Andrew safe to let go of those inhibitions around #Neil also wants for Andrew to relearn how to enjoy that same privilege with him #losing control and all that #there’s a lot that can be said about all of this and I’m really not fully finding the words but. THEM. That’s all and thank you. #also ty for the ask I was really !!! when I saw that in my inbox :)))( #aftg #all for the game #neil josten #andrew minyard #andreil #aftg meta #answered asks