#because why do i have to feel this tired

[ley-med]

Back from my week long break, and had a blast of a time, but not feeling too refreshed.

First off, apparently now I have insomnia. And I can't decide if it's a symptom of my mental unwelless, or if I'm feeling like shit because I can't sleep. I want to cry.

It's like, even before my vacation I could feel the desperate need for vacation, and I was so permanently exhausted that it started to scare me, but now that I had a week off, I feel like I rested just enough to realise how burnt out I really was (am)

I am so damn tired from having to dig myself out of this mental pit again and again

And I just want to have a good night's sleep...

#i am constantly on the verge of tears #and I questioned my career choice several times this past week #because why do i have to feel this tired #and why do i have to witness all this suffering #and i can't even put it into words how low i feel now #and it scares me because i honestly love my job #and most of the time im so content that i can't believe i get to live my dream job #but then i crash sometimes #and it's awful #i don't want to feel like this #personal #vent #might delete later

[miwtual]

im so fucking tired of the disrespect gifmakers get on the gifmaker website

#kai.txt #negativity tw #(sorry these are gonna be a lot of tags. i have a lot of feelings and i dont know where else to put them) #we make gifs and nobody reblogs them #when they do get reblogged all people want to tell you is that your gifs arent good enough to them and rip it to shreds #'you're missing x' 'why didnt you do y' 'if i made this i would have abc' 'hey op ur wrong and this is why' 'i dont like this op' #reposters dont even reblog your fucking gifset but they'll save your gifs to repost later asking for how to do something #that they could have asked you how to do in the fucking first place #we reblog ourselves constantly because nobody else will and maybe to make our work look like it has more notes than it does #to make ourselves feel better about the lack of interaction we're getting #and then when we TALK about this frustration we have. people who are too afraid to say it to our faces #go on anon in our askboxes and tell us how we're somehow selfish for wanting people to interact with the sets #that we spent time on. hours. days. WEEKS in some cases #or we get anons who tell us the reason we dont have notes are because we arent good at gifmaking in the first place #but this is all on anon. because they're too scared to tell it to our faces #they're too scared for us to see that they ARENT a gifmaker and that they dont know how to do it any better either #they dont see us as people doing something we love as a hobby. they see us as content machines that dance like court jesters #im just so fucking tired of the disrespect #and this sentiment goes for more than just gifmakers. graphicmakers. artists. literally any creative hobby shared on this site #we get treated like shit and for what? literally for fucking what.

[mudstoneabyss]

actually. the specific phrasing that boy Kevin wants to kill older Kevin with "I must disassemble him, piece by piece, so that everything inside of the Old Kevin comes out. Only then can the New Kevin truly begin." is so incredibly the idea that to heal from trauma and "improve" you have to destroy every "wrong" part of yourself, that everything "tainted" by it has to somehow be replaced by something untouched (which isn't possible)

#reading back that phrasing I do think that'll be the way brinknor takes it #this arcs seeming like it'll be so. breaking the cycle of abuse and violence and coming to terms with yourself #and maybe understanding that you can never remove the parts of you impacted by trauma and start again completely ''pure'' #but you can treat yourself with the kindness you should've been given #which i hope it is that because. and understand i am biased. but i'd love that direction for Kevin #it feels much more satisfying than any more. angsty way this arc could go imo #like he's been through enough! #because of the way Kevin is portrayed in fanon. not as frequently anymore but still pretty common. I worry about coming off as woobifying #by saying I want him to heal I want him to have nice things I think he deserves them #when he's also simultaneously Not A Good Person #yknow the poor little innocent cinnamon roll baby etc etc fanon #but. well for one im Not Like That about him. but my main point of bringing that up is. him not being a good person is why I want to see hi #get better and generally have a good life. why does someone have to be good to deserve to heal from trauma #especially when trauma is a big reason for the way they are #like its fiction yeah yeah i'm still tired of mentally ill people having to be ''good'' to ''deserve'' to get better yknow #i mean especially in fiction you tend to either see mental illness as the poor traumatized one who's allowed recovery because they're nice #or the insane psychopath who cant be ''fixed'' so ''deserves'' bad things-up to deserving to die!- for it #i didnt mean for this to be a rant erm. oops #wtnv #wtnv spoilers #joyousposting

[dreemurr-skelememer]

oh my fuckin god i can't believe i have to say this but like

if you whine about any ship for any reason whatsoever in my blog i Do Not Care please Shut the Hell Up

#why do i have to fucking say this im so tired #i dont care what you have to say about a ship i dont care how you feel about it #NOBODY CARES!!!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!! #IM NEVER GONNA BE NICE ABT THIS BECAUSE SOME OF YOU NEVER FUCKING LEARN!!!!!!! #SOME OF YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT DAWG!!!! KEEP YOUR YAPPERS SEALED #for fuck's sake bro

[sciderman]

Sometimes i remember a comics moment i randomly came across somewhere, where Sam Wilson mentiones a musical and Steve Rodgers says he doesn't like musicals, to whitch Sam goes "Guess that means you really are straight" and even tho i don't care about Cap America or the Avengers, the moment stuck in me for that quote by Sam. And like....Sci, any ideas if straight men actually don't like musicals or is that bullshit?

actually i think i know more gay men who hate musicals than i know straight men who hate musicals. i've had a drag queen stop me point blank when i was about to sing a barbra streisand song, and i know so many gays who pointedly hate abba. so based on my experience i think the inverse is true. most of the straight men i know are kind of impartial about musicals, but gay men? hate.

my theory is that a lot of gay men don't want to fall into stereotypes, maybe. but thaaaaat's just a theory! a gay theory.

#sci speaks #i'm trying to understand the gays. they are a mystery to me. #i've seen a lot more toxic masculinity coming from gay men than i have from straight men. #i think it makes sense. they have less women in their lives. so they reckon with a lot more masculinity. more dick measuring. #also gay men have some of THE most unhealthy romantic relationships i've ever seen in my life. #this isn't a blanket statement on everyone but just from what i've seen. it's such a strange pattern i've observed. #lesbians? healthy. straights? usually healthy. gay men? universally a tire fire that makes me say “if you hate each other so much ??” #“why are you together??????????” #i have never met a cis gay mlm couple in real life that was healthy. every single one of them made my eyes widen in horror. #i want them to be healthy. please treat each other better. #the number of bitchy bitchy fights i've seen between mlm couples in public that make me so terrified #but i know mlm relationships in general are usually less... affectionate than wlw relationships. even and especially friendships. #just an observation. #i hate to say that there is a definite difference between amab vs afab experiences when it comes to relationship dynamics but. #of course there is. there is. as much as i want to say gender and sex do not matter. it really does. #it makes a difference. it does. #which is kind of why i'm glad i was born in the body i was. when people say “trans means you feel you were born in the wrong body” #im like.. i don't think that's true. i don't think that's true for me. #i wouldn't be me if i wasn't born the way i was. and i want to be me. but i'm a boy. i'm a boy but in the body that i have. #my body is still a boy's body. because i live in here. #sorry this went off on a tangent. #but yeah i know my brain would be different if i was amab. and i don't want all those other issues. #i think the only reason i'm so peaceful and serene is because i'm afab. and afabulous. #i see cis guys and im like.. yeah i don't want what you got. #once again! lucky to be me! i'm lucky. im lucky i have a vargooba. thank fuck for that! #couldve been so much worse off. could've been born with a dick and would be fighting for my life right now.

[fortyfive-forty]

grabbing fistfuls of my own hair rocking back and forth repeating to myself like some kind of fucked up wizardly enchantment you should care about womens sports because its literally the same fucking sport why do i have to bend over backwards to convince you to care about womens sports like at an abstract level it is the exact same fucking thing and yet you cannot bear to possibly watch it unless you think the women are hot or there is some sort of social gain why is it so hard for you to care about womens sports when they are literally doing all of it better than the men

#i stand by my belief that womens sports are more entertaining anyways but i know that is somewhat personal preferences so ok! fine! #but they are the same then! #obviously yes there are legit differences in ~style~ and such based on the way different sports have evolved #ex: female basketballers are statistically better shooters than male basketballers #but like the sport itself is practically identical so why is it so fucking impossible for some people #to get interested in a sport they claim they love #just because women are doing it #i'm not sitting here like 'mmm how do i convince people to watch women's sport' like a legit plot #i'm just baffled i really don't understand #i mean i do understand of course but i'm just tired of it being this way lol #i want to talk to more people who have the level of brainrot i have about women's sports and it feels like everyone i know well #is just not that interested in the women even though they're interested in the men #of course there are people online but i get self-conscious and i don't know anyone well enough to truly go to the depths of my own brainrot #this is just a combination of genuine frustration but also my own loneliness lol #< wayyy more dramatic than it actually is for the record i'm not like lonely lonely #i just want someone who actually understands why i go nuts over this and who i feel comfortable spamming about it 😭 #blah blah blah words

[marypsue]

I am once again begging people to stop trying to make my post about grieving for someone who's become a vampire into a metaphor about being insensitive or bigoted towards real-life queer people. I absolutely understand the impulse to read it as metaphorical! I also find sympathy in fictional monstrosity! However! Queer people, as a group, do not generally kill and eat humans.

Thank you for your time.

#also. vampires are pretend and made-up and do not exist. except in the animal kingdom. #and saying 'you can't think about pretend made-up things in this way because it MUST be a metaphor for your real-life feelings> #<about THIS specific real-life thing!' is uh. you guys know why that's not a great mindset to have right #thoughtcrime isn't real yall #also to everyone who's smugly like 'well op clearly you've never loved someone who had dementia' #a) how the fuck would you know that you smug fucking self-righteous cunt. why the fuck would you think that's okay to say to someone #b) Selfish! This Man Found Time To Build A Birdhouse While Jon-Benet Ramsey Is Still Missing #i am. so tired. #anyway this is your periodic reminder that OP of that viral post has to see all of your replies reblogs and tags #and that OP of that viral post is a human fucking being

[redysetdare]

I kinda hate the need to specify something as non-romantic. Like idk i feel like it should be the other way around or something. why is it automatically assumed romantic? why must we specify non-romantic intent? shouldn't we be assuming things as non-romantic first and then having to specify romantic intent?

#text #idk i just get a bit tired of people saying 'i love you (platonically)' because like... idk i dont think it should be specified #i say this as a loveless aroace tho so like...who tf knows man #my idea of love is already abnormal so :/ #it just feels silly that we have to say “no romo” like why do we gotta do that #i feel like this might be an american problem tho tbh #becuz america is v much a society that is like 'you cant show love or care for people unless ur romantically involved' #and it kinda fucked things up big time :P

[0809sysblings]

how i imagine what the inside of mikoto's head looks like half the time

#Mikoto #John #Midokoto #my art #midokoto has to take john by the scruff to stop him from fucking shit up. he is so tired. let him rest #he should get john one of those like toddler backpack leashes. #anyway. inspired by my therapy appt earlier today. #sigh. th erapy is so fucking. *aggressively gestures* #50% of the time i get suicidal afterwards. 49% of the time i get extremely angry. 1% of the time i feel good. #not because of or @ my therapist or anything.. i just cant handle vulnerability and having to acknowledge emotions and The Past lmao #why do that when you could kill either yourself or someone else?? 🤔. checkmate LCSWs #oh well. laugh the pain away xoxo

[seawing-vibes]

Hiii welcome to The Thing I’ve Been Working On For Far Too Long !!!! This is an edited map of my WoF Headworld!! This map fallows my personal lore / story for what happens post-books! There are far more ideas I have regarding new structures, how the land changes, etc. , but this was just generally for labeling major locations within each territory! My hope was to wrap this up before the Felid Guide drops so I can compare my map to the canon reveal of locations but I didn’t quite get there and there are still a lot of loose ends. Unfortunately I don’t have much time to work on this anymore and will probably chip away at it privately in pieces , but for now I wanted to share this bit publicly!

The info for the labels on the map are all written out below, but I have primarily complied information in a Google Doc for easier viewing and navigation!

Link to the Google Doc !

Under construction !! Im so sorry I’m stuck on mobile and Tumblrs post editor on mobile is actual shit. the formatting is terrible I’m going bonkers in here. Also it’s stuck sideways for some reason like girl pleaseee turn the other way!!! I will rb this again once I’m able to format it properly.

#for full clarity this shit aint close to finished + I decided to make a map while I was tired as fuck so this map makes so little sense #why did I do a separate number list for every territory . whats up with that . also that ain’t what a key looks like. But its okay!!!! #we vibin!!! #admittedly I just really wanted to get this out before the Guidebook drops w/ updated maps #I wanna compare my names & loctains to theirs #I decided to give all the palaces their own names because I thought it would be cool #every name has a meaning behind it so feel free to uh . ask me if ya want <3 #all the lore here is v well developed so please ask any questions you may have!!! i spent a very long time naming everything and this isnt e #even a comprehensive list of all my location names nor what I think the modern map would really look like #anyway . yeah :) ! #map #tideart #theres art at the bottom of the doc so it counts I guess

[felizusnavidad]

unpopular opinion but i really miss those days when it was all about the music in taylor swift fandom

#time for a little rant because i feel like i need to get it off my chest rn #i feel so disconnected from this fandom lately #mostly because literally everything is about travis these days #like don't get me wrong i'm really happy that she's happy but #i just don't feel the need to talk about her relationship 24/7 like some of the swifties #and honestly it's all just too much #everything is about taylor and i'm not even excited anymore when i see new pictures of her #because it's just too much??? #i truly love her with all my heart and i always will but even i am tired and i've been a swiftie for literally half of my life #why do people have to discuss every single detail about her love life #and who cares if she's going to be at the game again #let her live maybe #i'm sorry but it's just so annoying lately #this fandom is being too fucking loud and i'm tired and it's not even fun anymore #remember when the eras tour started? amazing times #we were talking about it all the time and discussing every single detail of the tour and the songs and all #now it's all about her new relationship guys it's not... like... WHY. #it makes me so sad because it used to be different #ugh #i might get hate for that but i don't care i just really needed to say that #taylor swift #ts #talking shit for the hell of it*

[add1ctedt0you]

Novel quotes: wei wuxian having feelings/thoughts about jiang cheng

Under the cut because it's long

However, Jiang Cheng was gone. Holding steamed buns, flatbreads, and fruits in his hands, Wei WuXian felt his heart skip a beat. He forced himself to calm down. Even after he searched through the neighboring streets, he still didn’t see Jiang Cheng. He finally began to panic. Grabbing a cobbler on the side, he asked, “Mister, there was a young master about the same age as me sitting here. Did you see where he went?” The cobbler licked the thick end of a thread, “The one that was with you?” Wei WuXian, “Yeah!”

The cobbler, “I was in the middle of doing something so I didn’t really see. But he kept on spacing out, staring at the people on the street. And then when I looked up at where he was again, he suddenly disappeared. Maybe he left.”

Wei WuXian murmured, “... He left... He left...”

He probably left for Lotus Pier to steal the bodies!

As though he had gone mad, Wei WuXian sprinted immediately toward the direction that they had come from.

[...]

He gave himself a harsh scolding in silence—he was stupid, useless, ridiculous, it was bizarre, unimaginable. Yet, he was alone, without a sword or any tools, and on the other side of the wall there were thousands of Wen Sect’s cultivators, perhaps Wen ZhuLie as well.

He wasn’t scared of death. He was only scared that after he died, he wouldn’t be able to save Jiang Cheng and betray the trust that Jiang FengMian and Madam Yu left him. In such circumstances, the only one he could place his hope on was a person of the Wen Sect whom he had met only three times in total!

[...]

Wei WuXian’s gaze turned from Wen Ning toward Jiang Cheng, whose body was covered in blood and eyes were tightly shut. His fingers couldn’t help but clenched into fists.

Chapter 59 Poisons—Part Four

Jiang Cheng’s expression was rather strange. It was calm, almost too calm. He stared at the ceiling, as though he wasn’t at all interested in the situation that he was in, as though he didn’t care about where he was either. Wei WuXian didn’t expect him to react in such a way. Sadness, happiness, anger, shock—he had none of these. His heart skipped a beat, “Jiang Cheng, can you see me? Can you hear me? Do you know who I am?” Jiang Cheng glanced at him. He didn’t say anything. Wei WuXian asked him a few more questions. Arm supporting himself, he finally sat upright. He looked down at the mark of the discipline whip on his chest before laughing bitterly. If the discipline whip struck, it’d be impossible to wipe away the mark of shame. Wei WuXian comforted him despite this, “Stop looking at it. There has to be a way to get it off.” Jiang Cheng slapped him. His strike was so weak, so powerless that Wei WuXian didn’t even flinch, “Hit me. As long as you’ll feel better.”

[...]

If Wei WuXian were the one injured or if somebody else had saved them, he’d immediately say farewell and leave at once, full of determination. However, right now, Jiang Cheng was the one who had been injured. Not only was he injured, he had lost his core as well. He wasn’t in his right mind. No matter what, Wei WuXian couldn’t find any determination.

Chapter 60 Poisons—Part five

Out of the blue, Jiang Cheng spoke up, “Not to do what?” Wei WuXian paused in surprise, turning to him along with Lan WangJi. Jiang Cheng covered his wound with one hand, his voice chilly, “Wei WuXian, you’re such a great, selfless person. You did the best things possible, and you swallowed all the suffering and didn’t let anyone know. What a touching story. I should kneel down and cry in gratitude, shouldn’t I?” Hearing the mocking tone that lacked any courtesy, Lan WangJi’s face grew cold. Jin Ling saw the displeased expression and immediately stood in front of Jiang Cheng, scared that Lan WangJi would kill him with one strike, “Uncle!” Wei WuXian’s expression worsened as well. He never expected Jiang Cheng to make up with him after he found out the truth, but he didn’t think his tone would be as unkind as ever, either. With a moment of silence, he replied, voice muffled, “I never asked you to thank me.”

[...]

In the beginning, it was precisely because he didn’t want to see such a Jiang Cheng that he decided not to tell him.

He remembered every single thing he promised Jiang FengMian and Madam Yu—to help and take care of Jiang Cheng. If someone as unhealthily competitive as him found out about this, he’d be dispirited his whole life, too tortured to face himself. There’d always be something he could never overcome, reminding him that he could only reach where he was because of another’s sacrifice. It wasn’t at all his cultivation and his achievement. No matter if he won or lost, he’d long since lost the right to compete.

Afterwards, it was because Jin ZiXuan and Jiang YanLi died for him that he had no face to let others know. To tell Jiang Cheng after what happened then would be like shirking responsibility, hurrying to demonstrate that he’d contributed as well. It’d be like telling Jiang Cheng, don’t hate me, look I’ve contributed to the YunmengJiang Sect too.

Chapter 102- Hatred - Part Five

At this point, somebody on the side suddenly called, “Wei WuXian!”

Wei WuXian answered immediately, “What?”

Only after he answered did he realize that the one who called him was Jiang Cheng. Wei WuXian felt somewhat surprised. Jiang Cheng didn’t respond directly. Instead, he took something out from his sleeve and tossed. Wei WuXian caught it by instinct and looked, only to find a black, gleaming flute along with a crimson tassel.

It was the ghoul flute, Chen Qing!

As he felt the flute that he was more than familiar with, Wei WuXian didn’t even have the spare time to feel surprised.

Chapter 108: Concealment - Part Two

After a pause, he asked again, “How have Sect Leader Jiang and Jin Ling been?”

Lan JingYi pouted, “They seem pretty fine. Sect Leader Jiang is the same as before, always lashing out at people with his whip. Young Mistress’s temper has been getting better. In the past he could talk back thrice to his uncle after he scolds him once. Now he can do ten times.”

[...]

Hearing Lan JingYi say so, Wei WuXian relaxed slightly. In truth, he knew that these weren’t what he really wanted to ask. But as it sounded like Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling had been doing quite well, there was nothing left to say.

Chapter 116: Extra—Banquet - Part Three

#There are like other quotes but I got tired lol #Anyway. What really gets me is :'don't hate me jiang cheng' #what wwx really wanted was forgiveness! Something he didn't think he deserves! Arghhhh #Where is the post: mdzs is about wwx not being normal about his shidi. And lwj is there too #because imo is what really happens lol #wwx's thoughts about jc are tbh very mean. And imo it's because he's repressing resentment/fear of rejection #I think this because wwx starts to have uncharitable interpretations of jc only in his second life #wwx: I don't want a thank you. #also wwx: why is jc being so mean to me :-( #The fact that in the present wwx feels always surprised when jc speaks to him. It's like... Arghh #Chengxian #Kinda. Neither platonic neither romantic. But a secret third thing #mar!reading mdzs #I still can't decide what wwx wanted to ask in the end. (last quote). What do you want wwx? Say it to us!

[ambagel]

Wait hold on, in his anniversary video Barbatos mentions the mc being the brother's attendant?

But in the other videos, it's implied that they don't remember the mc leaving (which is actually something im very disappointed about and really hope isnt the case in the actual story)

In these two specifically, it seems like they aren't aware of the mc's presence in the past/alternate timeline/whatever it is. The only other person who seems like they know is Lucifer

Which also lines up with the end of lesson 40, where he's the only one who says welcome back? So like?? Do only him and Barbatos know? Did they not tell anyone?? Diavolo would probably know as well but I haven't seen anything to show that yet. Anyways I don't really like where this is going, I would really prefer they not make everyone forget the mc disappeared

#of course they could always just be not quite putting the pieces together in these scenes #buuuut at this point im not so sure.. #i was hoping theyd take a more “WE MISSED YOU” approach #because if im being honest those are some of my favorite moments #like yay everythings better now lets hug it out #i feel weird about them potentially not knowing about what happened #how would they play that off? solomon already said they were freaking out? #“oh whoops we time traveled just far back enough that no one noticed you were gone” #no #do not do that #that defeats the purpose of this whole shenanigan #they also cant just say it was the regular past #because story inconsistencies #solomon has even commented on how its different #hes like “simeon and luke shouldnt be here” #istg if they try to move past that without explaining i will explode #its a very plausible scenario at this point #theyve done it before #because oh does diavolo just not have the power to spot lies anymore?? ok #anyway im scared for the future of the story #this could go wrong in so many ways #obey me! #obey me! swd #obey me lucifer #obey me satan #obey me luke #obey me barbatos #posts #maybe barbatos just merges the timelines again and thats why everyone feels weird #idk im too tired to think more about this

[uncanny-tranny]

Man, one of the most soul-wrenching realizations for me in recovery has been that the reason I was so bad at making boundaries wasn't because I was a coward. It was because it was a trigger. Every time I did make and enforce boundaries, I was pursued and chastised, and I was treated even worse afterward. I felt like I was such a failure of a person because I didn't know how to say "no," and I never learned how to say it without being convinced I would be treated horrifically.

All this to say that boundaries are so important. If somebody is stomping on your boundaries and treating you worse because you have boundaries, you are being mistreated, hell, you are being abused. If you are afraid of making boundaries, that is likely a sign. You aren't at fault. You deserve boundaries. You deserve to be treated right. I hope nobody treats you like your boundaries are an attack or challenging them to stomp on them.

#recovery #abuse #abuse tw #this is why i'm starting to force myself to stop sugar-coating my boundaries at this point #and i'm starting to make myself be okay with saying 'no' #and i'm starting to do that with this blog too #i used to feel like i *owed* it to people to have no boundaries. #and it was fucking sickening. i put myself in many uncomfortable situations because i'd been taught to fear boundaries #and i'm tired of that. i would rather have a panic attack after making a boundary because the other option has proven to be worse #anyway i won't stop posting about recovery i think i earned the right to be obnoxious about this because nobody else will be doing that

[everysongineverykey]

"but if aziraphale and crowley become human in the end it won't be fair because they'll only have a handful of decades to spend with each other :(" ok. well have you considered that their time together would not be any less valuable or happy if it were limited. have you considered that we wouldn't appreciate anything as much as we do if it weren't finite. have you considered that crowley and aziraphale have always, always only ever wanted to love and live like real people do like humans, without heaven and hell breathing down their necks, without judgment and constraints. that alpha centauri probably wouldn't be as beautiful up close as it is from earth, through human eyes. that the biggest miracle in crowley's eyes is aziraphale and vice versa. that yes their time together may be limited but it will be the sweetest most fulfilling most peaceful time either of them have ever lived, and when one finally goes gentle into that good night, he will know he's got nothing to fear, because the other will be waiting for him on the other side- he always will, in any decade, any century, any lifetime. have you considered any of that?

#good omens #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #like i'm not even super passionate about the idea #but the fact that some people think it'd just ruin everything if they were to join #the ranks of the only species they've ever felt mildly comfortable around for 6000 years? #why is being human a punishment hmm. i know you never want them to die and leave each other #but humans have been doing that for millennia. we found a way through the pain. we keep finding a way through #so can they! #to be clear you don't have to love this idea. i have no strong feelings on it #despite how this post sounds #i'm just tired of people being like #'that's the WORST possible ending for them because they have to DIE >:('

[kaldurcalm]

Someone shared a post about the pear of anguish, saying it was used to torture slaves, and I thought its design was interesting but something felt slightly off, so I looked it up.

The first thing you see when you look this thing up is that its usage is disputed.

Apparently the mechanism doesn't seem to work the way it's said to work? It's said that people would slowly enlarge the opening in order to spread an orifice wider and wider, and that it could even break jaws.

The thing is, this device does not seem to open in this way. It seems to spring open. The screw mechanism is for closing it.

I relayed this information, thinking this was someone who would actually care about fact checking. "It might not actually have worked in this way. Its usage is disputed."

For some fucking dadblamed reason, they took this as me... questioning the existence of racism? And denying the suffering of black people?

I do a little more digging, and it's basically the same thing over and over. One guy insists that it's totally a torture device, because why else would it be in torture chamber museums?

I don't know, buddy, maybe because people like to make up stories and scare others.

That's one running theory for the existence of this thing: people wanted a good story. They wanted to be able to sell that story in order to make money. So they made elaborate devices and charged people to see them, or displayed them in order to scare their guests.

This part of the speculation, by the way, is from medieval times. There are no modern accounts of this item's usage.

We have so many accounts of slavery. We have so many ways to spread information. We're still able to converse with some of the children of the people who are still alive. We can still see the documents they left during that time.

Why would they leave this out? If it were actually in use, why would they relay the whippings, the confinement, the rape, the starvation, the harsh working conditions, the lynchings, the forced assimilation, and just... not mention this part?

Their friend piled on. I told him my statement was based on the way the device functions, and not "white people wouldn't do that." I told them that I didn't expect better from him, because I didn't know him, but I did expect better from them.

Apparently this was me making assumptions.

Gonna be honest, I didn't read the entirety of their responses, because this sort of thing is maddeningly upsetting to me. I thought I was safe to say something because, when I accidentally sent them a video by Alexis Nelson, they called it funny and informative. I know that doesn't seem like much, but... honestly, Alexis isn't going to be up everyone's alley, and sometimes that's due to bigotry. So I thought they would actually care, and not be mad about being checked. I've been in that situation plenty of times, and I normally don't say anything if I don't think I'm going to get through. I only say something if I have hope for that person.

I thought I might actually have a potential friend, and said person responded to "Hey this information might not be accurate" with... honestly, I can barely even parse the way they worded things? Something about slavery happening whether it was disputed or not.

I just wanted to fact check an unsourced facebook post.

#this has contributed to me feeling like no one wants to listen to anything i have to say and every relationship i have is doomed to fail!! #which I recognize is unhealthy!! #fellas is it splitting to get mad and unfriend someone for this nonsense #hm. maybe not what splitting is. #it's just so frustrating when someone is self righteous about their victim mentality #and every additional 'I'm not attacking you actually!' statement is perceived as an additional attack #I know I've done that but I'm WORKING ON IT #so it's frustrating to encounter in the wild and it sends me into the stratosphere #the fuck do you MEAN 'slavery happened even if it was disputed' i meant the SPECIFIC DEVICE YOU'RE MAKING CLAIMS ABOUT #I'm wildly oversimplifying. it was one hell of a sentence. #WHY DO YOU WANT MORE PAIN #THERE'S ENOUGH AS IT IS #WHY IS BAD IF I SAY THIS MIGHT NOT HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN USED TO HURT PEOPLE #WHY AM I THE ENEMY #WHY AM I THE ONE MAKING ASSUMPTIONS #I THOUGHT WE COULD BE FRIENDS #sorry I'll go try to forget about this now #between this and someone saying she needs ai because commissions are too expensive and free images aren't good enough i just... #don't feel like saying anything to anyone anymore #and I missed my window for productivity today. I should have sat down to write and I didn't #and now I'm tired and frustrated because bg3 glitched wyll's cape away and i don't know which save to load to get it back #or if it's my compute #it already ate my opportunity to get everything from dammon #i might need to reinstall #personal #why did i even try. i was shaking so bad. why does it hurt this much. #torture device