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rideroftheoctocorn · 1 year

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Maybe this is my “I’m from New York so I didn’t choose to live here I was just already here” kicking in but can we actually learn to respect people’s privacy and acknowledge the fact that not everyone who lives in a major city is doing so because they want to be famous or the main character or an influencer or whatnot. I’m so sick of seeing tiktoks go viral that are just plainly stalking or doxxing random people who didn’t ask for attention or fame and are just living their lives. Especially given how many people in NYC are living with a wide variety of mental states, abilities, divergencies, and diversities treating them as a spectacle for your entertainment is deeply dehumanizing. Particularly in the past few years seeing so many content creators move here and gain their fame here it is becoming increasingly frustrating to feel like just existing in my home is not coherent with the burgeoning voyeurism culture that’s growing online. I, nor anyone who lives in a large city, should have to leave their homes every day worrying about the potential of being recorded and ridiculed online for just being a person.

People should be able to live their lives with the right to privacy. This isn’t to say that certain instances of internet activism shouldn’t have happened; for instance the Central Park bird watching incident (google it if you aren’t familiar but a woman was being racist towards a black man bird watching in central Park and his recording on the incident vindicated him). But instances like those are the exception and not the rule and many cases of publishing interpersonal conflicts/interactions is not from good faith activism or even from an activist point at all. Honestly what sparked this for me was that dumb tiktok that blew up of that girl looking for the person who kept writing “monke” on the whiteboard at her gym and the series of videos she made amassed more than 25 million views as she made a very public game out of trying to find the identity of this person. Some of her tactics included staking out at the gym waiting for this person or even asking the employees at the front desk who the person was. Maybe this person didn’t want to be a viral tiktok sensation and just wanted to write something goofy on the whiteboard at their local gym. Instead, this person has millions of strangers online seeking them out using unethical/invasive methods. All over someone who just wanted to write “monke.” Can we not just be a little silly in public without being at risk of it being the next internet sensation? If you live in a busy metropolitan area is it now your responsibility to make yourself as invisible as you can every time you step outside your front door? I genuinely leave for work each day wondering if I’ve maybe picked the wrong outfit, makeup, or maybe there’s an embarrassing stain or issue with my appearance that someone is going to see, record, and share online. I’ve even now seen TikTok’s of people recording through peoples windows commenting on how they’re living in their private lives now as well (the video in question is of a young woman recording a couple dancing through their apartment window). Even the guy who goes around “turning average people into models” initiates these videos by first taking non-consented photos of strangers on the street. Invasion is not flattery as much as people on the internet might like to think it is.

It is deeply unfair to ask human beings to live their lives in an unending panopticon. We should be able to go outside, make a joke, leave a silly note, have a bad day, an embarrassing moment, an emotional outburst, leave the curtains open with the knowledge that these moments belong to ourselves and are not suddenly (and without our consent) just become something for the masses to consume. Small spats that should remain small spats become global debates, a conventionally attractive or unattractive person becomes the internet’s object of desire or disgust. Let people exist. Let them have their dignity.

#I FUCKING HATE TIKTOK CULTURE #This is also hitting a bit close to home for me but I work at a museum and I constantly dress to hide my identity #because of how many cameras are pointed at me all day everyday #and in the year of two thousand and twenty three it’s pretty hard to be a person #so to ask people to be media ready all the time is just impractical and inhumane #we aren’t all public figures but we are now expected to be ready for that level of attention #even certain internet phenomena that came from a good faith place such as recording Karen’s as a way to combat a certain kind of a racism #was co opted by non black people to publicly shame and embarrass any older white woman they don’t like #now the entire concept of a Karen has lost its original meaning while still existing as an open threat to older women who don’t behave #as expected in public #and yes I have seen white teenage boys yelling at women calling them Karen’s for just asking them to stop being rowdy #which is anecdotal evidence so take with a grain of salt #but I am simply EXHAUSTED #apparently I need to live in the mountains if I want to live in peace #also I wrote this in like a 5 minute rage so feel free to DM me or comment if I got something wrong

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akookminsupporter · 19 days

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https://www.tumblr.com/akookminsupporter/747202919136477184/its-ok-to-admit-that-jm-and-jk-dont-like-each

Whenever i see things like this, i am reminded why i decided to leave shipping spaces. Jk is a sorry excuse for a boyfriend because he left a concert without telling Jimin he was leaving yet everyone and their mama wants Jungkook to do for other people the things he has done for Jimin for years. Everyone wants a GCF, everyone wants Jungkook taking their someone else to Japan, everyone wants Jungkook to make big pancakes for them because they have penalties. Everyone wants Jungkook to go over to someone else’s house and cook for them everyone was praying on bended knee that Jk did for others what he did for Jimin during FACE era. It’s funny because deep down, everyone sees and knows that Jungkook doesn’t make the same effort for others as he makes for Jimin and that is why for years, we have heard endlessly how everything Jungkook does for Jimin is Fanservice and him not doing all those things for others is because their relationship is not for the camera.

We should accept that two people who had the chance to finally completely escape from each other for 18 months since they don’t like each other, instead choose to enlist together where they would have to see each other’s faces every single day for 18months? What does leaving a damn concert without someone else knowing have to do with how Jungkook and Jimin feel about each other? They were just leaving a concert back to their homes, it’s not like they were traveling never to see each other again and since some of you like to analyze things so damn much, i will like for you to analyze for me why on god’s green earth Jungkook will hate Jimin so much yet on their last OT4 Live that boy couldn’t keep his hands to himself? I will like for you to explain to me in plain English why this boy sat down for hours watching and supporting Jimin as much as he did during Face era?

It’s always the same damn thing with little minded people. In 2021 at Harry Styles concert, we had people yapping about how Jungkook didn’t like Jimin because he spent the whole time at the concert being glued to Taehyung but what did we find out later? Wasn’t that the same period when we found out that Jungkook and Jimin were basically spending their entire days together? Going and coming back from concerts together, eating together, working out everyday together and to add to that, Jk was in Jimin’s room so much that even Tae thought Jimin’s room was Jk’s. Wasn’t that the same time we found out that Jk would go knock on Jimin’s door at 1am, stay there for about 4 hours at a time and then rinse and repeat? If we are to judge how much people like each other by how glued they are at certain points then why on earth was Jk singing and swaying with another member at a concert yet he wasn’t going to spend all his downtime in that member’s hotel room? He hated Jimin so much that he decided to go spend all or most of his time alone in the room of the member he hates so much?

Same damn thing happened at Hobi’s album release party in 2022. Before we got the Bangtan bomb, everyone was yapping about how Jk and Jimin were never seen together at the party and that meant they hated each other only for us to see them in the bangtan bomb “hiding” in a dark corner with hands touching and clearly separating from each other when they noticed they cameras.

Should i also bring back their rookie days when everyone was so damn sure Jk hated Jimin’s guts because he always “pushed” him infront of the camera or ranked him last in looks only for us to find out from many sources that Jk infact would pile clothes on his bed and go sleep in Jimin’s bed and he himself later mentioned that Jimin is the member he spends most of his nights with. Jk hated Jimin so much that he chose to spend his only resting time hanging out with Jimin. I’m sure he used to strangle Jimin all those nights they were together alone.

Tae and Jk are the bestest of besties coming and leaving together to and from Yoongi’s concert yet that didn’t stop Tae from leaving Jk alone at a ski resort and journeying back home with his friends while Jk stayed there all alone. Jk and Tae are clearly besties by that didn’t stop Jk from not saying a single thing during Layover while he couldn’t shut up during FACE and mind you, he hates Jimin. Do u see how stupid you sound anon? So according to your logic, Jk and Tae must hate each other too because imagine leaving your bestie all alone at a ski resort and choosing to go back home with friends or imagine being silent during your bestie’s album release and not saying or doing a damn thing in support of it even though you were literally keeping up with everything some other member put out.

Some of you continue to prove everyday how small your minds are. With the wake of every new content, we have people loosing faith in a ship or believing more in it. Tomorrow we will get some other form of content and Jungkook will go back to being the greenest flag, and then the next moment he is back to being an ass. It is kinda like these boys aren’t human being with layers and complicated feelings. It is like relationships in this life are supposed to be perfect on camera else people are jerks. It is like Jimin is and has always been the most pitiable person who continues to speak about how much he relies on Jungkook even though Jungkook is a sorry excuse for a boyfriend. I guess Jimin was a fool to keep saying Jk will protect him because only a fool will keep saying someone does things for them that they actually don’t.

The earlier some of you realize that Jungkook as a boyfriend or friend only has to make sense to Jimin and no one else, the better for you. The way Jungkook shows his love and affection and if he hates or loves Jimin is something Jimin knows and only he should really care about.

For over a decade we have had Jimin wholeheartedly loving and caring about the same man the same way yet some people just can’t take a hint. These guys have been consistent for over a decade. Consistent in every single way. People thinking they cannot stand each other only to find out they are sneaking into each other’s hotel rooms, traveling together, or making plans to enlist together. Are you people not tired of being proven wrong every single time? Are u not tired of being punched in the face every damn time? Y’all keep raising ur BPs and giving yourself whiplash trying to figure Jimin and Jungkook. One moment you are seeing Jungkook moving the earth for Jimin and the next moment you are hearing that he left a concert without telling Jimin and instead of you to do the normal thing which is to tell yourself that you do not know them more than they know themselves, you come here declaring that they hate each other and then tomorrow when Jungkook wakes up and does another one of his grand gestures that shakes the fandom, you are back to scratching your head. Calling Jk a sorry excuse for a boyfriend like your partner (if at all you have any) doesn’t literally treat you like a piece of shit. Jimin can openly say he enlisted with Jk so he can rely on him. He can openly tell Jk to grow stronger and continue to protect him, he can openly tell Jk to cook for him, can you say any of these about your partner? Yet Jk is the one who is a sorry excuse for a boyfriend? If Jk is a sorry excuse for a boyfriend, i hope i get such a sorry excuse for a boyfriend. Someone whose love for me will continuousy make people to call our relationship fanservice because it looks too good to he true.

yet everyone and their mama wants Jungkook to do for other people the things he has done for Jimin for years.

It’s funny because deep down, everyone sees and knows that Jungkook doesn’t make the same effort for others as he makes for Jimin

It is kinda like these boys aren’t human being with layers and complicated feelings. It is like relationships in this life are supposed to be perfect on camera else people are jerks.

SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE FUCKING SUBGROUP IN THE BACK.

Anon, I love you. Thanks for telling the truth and nothing but the truth and asking the right questions.

I WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWERS TO ALL THE QUESTIONS ANON ASKED.

#anon #ask #jkkrs opinion #These are the messages that remind me why I'm still here #preg 178 #jikook

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deceasedream69 · 1 year

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TRAUMATIC

Warnings: Kidnapping, violence, cursing.

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I started to slowly open my eyes. My head hurted a little bit, from the back mostly. But my neck... the pain was worse there cause I was hunched while I was unconscious.

I tried to move my hands, but they were tied. I relaxed against the chair, trying to steady my breathing.

-" see... how beautiful she is", said a guy in front of me. I couldn't recognize his voice. "you're going to get us what we want, pretty thing", said another voice behind me. He brushed my hair gently with his hand, and nodded to the guy in front of me.

The other guy also nodded, leaving us both alone in that small room.

The walls were dark, and everything was wet because of the lately storms.

I was actually somewhat calmed. They haven't hurt me, and the only appeared to be two guys. I've had it harder.

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Spencer's pov

it was really weird that she didn't come to work today, or sent me funny videos last night. I always wake up and boom, 3-5 videos she sent me and a goodmorning message. But today, nothing...

Maybe she was sick, yeah, I didn't want to think anything bad. Even if statistically kidnapping was a really high chance, even higher with the fact that she's a woman, and even higher because of our job. But I was really scared of thinking of one of the worst scenarios. I was probably overthinking everything.

-"Hey pretty boy, you ok?"

-"have you heard from y/n?", I licked my lips and fidget with my hands.

-"no, she didn't talked to you last night? you know, while you discussed nerd shit", Derek smiled and hit me on the arm, playfully.

-"no... that's why I'm worried"

-"awww, that's cute, Reid. You finally have someone to carry about", Emily invited herself into the conversation.

-"I care about you all", Did they think I don't?

Hotch appeared and told us we had a case. We all stood up quickly and went to the meeting room.

____________________________________________________________

y/n's pov

It's been a day. They tortured me in so many ways. But my favorite is when they take a towel, put it on my face and then drop water until they almost choke me, it's so much fun!

No, but honestly it's sick how they record everything. I hate that stupid little camera, with the stupid little red light signaling that it's recording. Those are some twisted psychos.

-"Are you going to cooperate now, doll?", said the tallest, pulling me from my hair.

-"what the hell are you talking about?", I was tired, confused, hungry... so many bad things.

-"psht, we know you spy us through pigeons, that's something obvious"

-"yeah!", the other guy was holding a beer, they were clearly put of their mind. At this point I already lied about pigeons being spies, the water being contaminated, clouds being holograms, and other stupid shit. But they wanted more and more, and if I said something they didn't want... it'll be worse.

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Spencer's pov

-"they're sick!", JJ covered her mouth. Derek was so close from hitting anyone that'll looked at him wrong, Garcia had tears forming in her eyes and Hotch was even more serious than usual.

And me... I was all. Seeing how they tortured y/n, and we barely had any information to worked with. She was always so nice to me, a sunshine that made my days brighter. I didn't even like to use my phone at all, but seeing the messages she sent me made me smile everyday.

I know dating someone you work with is unethical, but I didn't care if we didn't even got to that point, at least I wanted to make sure she was going to be safe. But we had to act quickly.

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y/n's pov

-"God you're so pretty but so stubborn", the guy was holding my face with one hand, I could feel how badly he wanted to slit my throat with the sharp part of the bottle he was holding on the other hand. "record", he said plainly, and the other obeyed. "make this one live, I want this to be a warning".

The other guy only nodded. I was nervous as fuck, but I had to seem calmed, I didn't want to give them the satisfaction.

-"cars can't... fly... Does you car fly? does it? and why is it so important if they did?"

He slapped me. I can't believe a drunk ass man just slapped me cause I told him cars can't fly. But well, another freaky sunday... or was it saturday.

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Spencer's pov

-"Garcia", we were on our way to a suspect's house, but we were pretty sure it was them.

-"yes sir, um... I don't know if I should tell you this right now, but they're live"

-"show us, babygirl"

Garcia nodded and Derek took put his tablet. I got closer to him to see what they were doing to her this time. And what I saw...

____________________________________________________________

-"Careful, ladies, you don't want to hurt yourselves with that broken glass"

-"pfft, we" he got really close to my face. "are going", and he got even closer. "to hurt... you", he put the glass on my cheek, pressing hard.

The pain was so hard, a few tears scaped my eyes.

-"God damn...", I whispered.

-"God?! now you want to believe in God?!", He said walking away from me, like ready to throw a whole speech. "You know NOTHING about God", he pointed the bottle at me.

-"I know God wouldn't do this", I looked at him through my eyebrows. Some blood dripping from my cheek.

-"oh you're so sure about that?", he said almost whispering.

I slowly nodded.

-"would he do this?"

_____________________________________________________________

Spencer's pov

Derek kicked the door but I was the first one to walk in. My gun in front of me, ready to shoot those assholes.

But there was no one...

-"Here", Hotch yelled, and I quickly followed his voice.

There were a bunch of pictures of us scattered all over the kitchen table.

-"this is creepy", Said Derek picking some pics and looking at them.

Suddenly a loud noise came from behind a wall. Everyone lifted their guns, prepared for the worst, when the wall unexpectedly opened, and y/n ran to me.

-"Spence! help!", she said hiding behind me, she was covered in blood, almost naked, except for her underwear and a thin tanktop.

I put my gun down, knowing that the rest of the team could handle the bad guys.

-"y/n", I caressed her cheek but she flinched. So I moved my hand, putting my gun back into the holster. When I turned back to look at her she just collapsed into my arms. "y/n? guys! I need an ambulance!"

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y/n's pov

-"Spence..." my voice was very low. I could feel my eyes burning from how bright the light was around me. I felt something touching my hand and I quickly moved it away from it.

-"y/n... it's me..." A voice said slowly.

I opened my eyes and a smiled scaped my mouth.

-"hi...", he said slowly again.

-"hi...", my voice raspy.

-"I'm glad you're okay"

-"I'm glad you're here"

A/n: I'm sorry I dissapeared lol, requests always open.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #dr spencer reid #spencer reid #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid smut #criminal minds fic #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds #criminal minds fandom

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deelavis · 4 months

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asking 13 & 14 for mello/mellonear :) !!!

13. See below the cut for this one because I may have um... gotten a bit carried away.

14.Romance Headcanon

AHhh I'm so happy you asked this one. When is comes to romance I think under all of the anger and walls he puts up, Mello is an incredibly tender and thoughtful person. With his tendency to want to be in control of things and his deep desire to be needed, I think he shows love by taking care of people. From the outside it would still be couched in snark and rudeness, but I think he would do small, everyday things for Near constantly. He'd call Near an idiot for not closing his jacket in the cold, while buttoning it up for him. Berate him for not eating regularly the entire time he's cooking one of the handful of meals that doesn't set off Near's sensory issues. Mello peels the skin off a clementine, carefully picking all the white stringy pith off before handing Near the small sections one by one, and if anyone points out the action he scoffs and say how useless Near is at doing anything for himself. Near knows how bad Mello is at saying how he feels, but it doesn't really matter to him when Mello detangles the knots in his hair so gently and so patiently that it makes Near's heart ache. Near knows what he means.

Even though you asked for Mello, I do have to add that I think that Near is also SO accidently romantic. He remembers very small details about people and also very matter-of-factly states how he feels. So sometimes he just casually drops what he thinks is a normal observation but sounds more like a love poem. Things like "Oh, your meeting went well. When you smiled at me you tucked your hair behind your ear and your eyes crinkled at the edges. It's the smile you give when you accomplish something important." and "There's no one more important to me than you." He doesn't see how he's being romantic when he just stating facts.

*nsft below the cut*

13.Sex Headcanon

I have so many of these at this point I feel like I should start a word of the day style calendar for them lol. I think Mello loves to take photos. Photos of himself, expertly posed in the mirror in a barely there scrap of lingerie that he can e-mail to Near at the least appropriate moments. Photos of Near underneath him, skin all pink and glowing white under the camera's flash. As he takes them he talks about what a shame it would be if they happened to get sent to everyone Near knows, then they would see who he really is. How Mello wants everyone to know that only he can reduce the all mighty Near to a thoroughly fucked, stupid, writhing, mess. But Mello's favorite pictures are the ones of both of them together. He has large ornate mirrors all over his bedroom that are perfect for getting every angle. He loves seeing the contrast of their skin as they press together, watching Near watching him. But instead of looking into Mello's eyes he stares straight at the lens in the reflection, knowing that when Mello looks back at the photos he'll be staring right at him. If he's feeling extra ambitious he might even set up the tripod for a video or two. They do make the distance so much easier when either of them has to go on a business trip without the other. And with canon there's the added risk to it. They have to be so careful to not let their faces get out that the danger of it that feels so indecent. They shouldn't take the risk, but Mello just can't help himself. OH GOD, now I'm just thinking of a scenario where Light almost gets his hands on a photo of them (ALMOST, we don't like sad endings in this house), but it's their homemade porn.

#or he does get one of the photos but their faces are obscured so it's completely useless lol #Matsuda-“... should we still add it to the evidence board?”#Mellonear #meronia #ask game #death note brain rot #nsft

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womanonthehill · 1 year

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i see some people saying they should recast for 4 minutes, let me ask you this why should they? i know he had alot of problems but who isnt problematic any more in this industry, many people everyday are getting into scandals but he dont deserve to be dropped out of his projects he worked hard on, did build asked to have his career ruined by a mentally ill woman?

her only aim was to ruin his career, she was never going to file any lawsuit on him she just wanted to defame him on the internet and fight it out on twitter, have you even seen her disturbing behavior past week, as soon as his ticket sale was announced she came back out of her shell again and starting defaming him again, spent days sexually harrassing him and attacking him and even spreading complete misinformation about his whole family just to provoke him but when all this didnt work out she decided to bitter the fans by spreading this misinformation that he left all his fangifts to her because he didnt want them when in reality he asked her to return all the stuff but she refused and instead of returning all his stuff back to him she decided spend 7 hours on a livestream opening all of them on camera one by one, imagine how obsessed she is. my point is its not his fault, stop blaming him for everything, i myself dont have high hopes but if can still work on 4 minutes i’d be so happy for him, he didnt deserve to have his life destroyed by false allegations by a jealous ex girlfriend. today you are asking him to be dropped out of 4 minutes, would you ask the same thing tomorrow when he gets casted in something else? would you ask another company to drop him? people who hate him will always hate him, no matter who he is paired with no matter what show he is casted in, and you will see that drama too and say “ they should drop him to avoid anymore drama” ask yourself is it fair?

#build jakapan

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tiffanylamps · 2 years

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After watching beyond evil, I was drew into this universe created by the drama and refused to leave. I am crazily seeking for more content around the characters, rewatch to capture more details, curious to know more about the MLs… it is a very unique experience for me and seems I am not alone.

I am wondering what set this drama apart? Why does BE has this strong psychological pull on the audience? Is it because the strong emotions yet revealed in a such reserved way that makes people wanting more? Is it because of the plot? The design of the characters? Really like your detailed analysis. Hope to see your view on this topic.

Firstly, thank you for your ask! I love talking about this show, so this is super cool for me.

Secondly, I’ve taken a few days to think through my answer because you gave me such wonderful questions, I wanted to reply with something worth your while.

Okay… WHERE TO START?!

Beyond Evil (Monster/괴물) is a show that ensnares its audiences and gives them a disease that is angrily, desperately, and affectionately named Beyond Evil Brainrot. Many of us on this website are victims of this disease. It is long-term and tends to affect the everyday lives of its victims.

[Grab a snack, make a drink, get comfortable and forgive my grammar mistakes.]

I can’t really talk about this show in an essay format today (my brain is fried), so I will give bullet points and explanations of why I think this show has such a “psychological pull” (as you brilliantly put it) on its audience.

The visuals!! Beyond Evil’s cinemaphotographer, Jang Jong Kyung, and director Shim Na Yeon are a real dream team when creating a suspenseful and intimate atmosphere. Beyond Evil’s three signature visual motifs are:

Visually appealing cinematics

Unconventional blocking (i.e, actors' faces won't fully be in the frame, actors' backs to the camera, etc.)

Extreme closeups

Not only do these visual languages convey the tone of a thriller crime drama wonderfully, as it leaves the audience feeling on edge, but its main focus is to convey the emotions of our main two characters. Especially, the closeup shots. These shots encourage the audience to feel the intimacy of the scene; its gravity, intensity, and its importance. The actor’s face will take up the entire screen, so, all we are left to digest is the character’s words and emotions.

It’s a powerful move that not all crime dramas use (it is usually reserved for Han Joo Won and Lee Dong Sik). The common motifs for the crime genre that I have seen in dramas (from Western and Eastern media) are darker lighting exposure, darker colour palette, night-time scenes, uncomfortable or liminal location settings, and grand or dramatic moments.

Beyond Evil does utilise all of these visuals as well. However, what I find to be so appealing about Beyond Evil (in comparison) is how ordinary everything is. The main focus is Manyang and its small-town simplicities. The creators really pulled this off. Manyang feels tiny, it doesn’t look or feel like a financially well-off area and its people seem just like… normal human beings. They achieved this with brilliant location scouting, clever shot choices, and a colour palette (of the sets, clothes, and the post-edit).

The small town/village "vibe" is created through these choices and it produces a town that feels very South Korean but also international. I know this town, I know these people. It goes beyond culture, whilst still honouring their culture.

Beyond Evil’s strength is its visual simplicity. It isn’t grand or luxurious; it’s beautifully mundane and intimate.

Visually, the show replicates how everyday people experience their lives so beautifully: not everything is pretty, most things are boring and mundane, and every now and then, everything can become so intense that the rest of the world falls away.

2. Complexities Okay, now let's get to the juicy part of the show: its storytelling and characters. [This is quite a complex section that has a lot of moving parts, so I’ll try to be as concise as possible. I won’t go into as much detail as I possibly could as I’m trying to be conscious of how much I am rambling.]

A very simple summary of this show is it is complex. I’m not talking about the murder mystery, as (personally) I found that to be very obvious (I figured out who did the murders in episode 2) but it is the characters themselves and their relationships/lives that are complex.

[I'm going to break this up into little mini sections and then go into more detail about our two main sweet baby boys.]

Beyond Evil's scriptwriter, Kim Soo Jin and director, Sim Na Yeon, provide its audience with an array of characters that are multi-faceted, complex, flawed and so real. (Also due to the fact that they are both cis women, they tell the story through the female gaze.) Let's focus mainly on Han Joo Won and Lee Dong Sik, as they are the main characters and they are the most fully explored characters. But I must first say, the secondary characters in this show are bloody fantastic! They are human, they have their own shit going on, their own flaws, traumas, and quirks. The secondary characters are a joy and all of them really add something either to the plot or to the world-building. (hello?? Ji Hwa?? I love her. Ji Hoon? He scares me but I also want to be his friend. Jae Yi?? She can slap me any day. Jung Je? Let me hug him. Hyuk? Let me dissect him and love him forever. Gwang Young?? That man is smarter than he lets on and I want to gossip with him. Sang Bae? He loves Dong Sik like a son and I love that for him. Gil Goo? Well... hm, he needs a talking to but he was very nice to Jae Yi... and so on.)

Anyway... Beyond Evil is a show that can be seen in two parts (I go into a bit more detail about this here): first viewing it is a murder mystery and on a second viewing, it is a love story. The creators don't just focus on romantic love but all the different kinds of love someone can have in their lives.

The way they do this is by focussing on these elements:

false perspectives, broken families and found family, morality, acceptance, trauma, and human connection.

We are shown these elements through Dong Sik and Joo Won getting to know and accept one another. These two men are so wonderfully complex and flawed. Their choices feel organic and represent the thought processes of two emotionally damaged people. They have both been through a lot, either because of people's actions or because of their own. They aren't always kind. They both have a temper but both are actually extremely good, gentle people, that are so in need of love. They both want love but struggle because of the trauma they experienced early on in their lives. Their story is so beautiful. They are two flawed people forced into a terrible situation and through their own mistakes (a lot of Joo Won's mistakes, let's be honest...), they face even more trauma. But instead of it pushing them apart, it brings them closer together. Lee Dong Sik has a community around him but he doesn't fully trust them, and he doesn't want to hurt them. He is a man that is on the edge of being suicidal. He clearly has some deep-seated mental health issues and is in need of extensive therapy. His life is in a rut, and he's just going through the motions- he's not really experiencing life to its fullest. Then Joo Won comes SMASHING through like a fucking thunderstorm and drenches Dong Sik's entire life with his being.

Han Joo Won has two people in his life: his emotionally (maybe physically???) abusive and negligent father and his father's former employee and Joo Won's former tutor (but also his best friend) Kwon Hyuk. Joo Won doesn't have a community, he's emotionally stunted and literally doesn't recognise kindness or love when it's presented to him. (the emotional abuse he must have continuously faced growing up to make him this way... fuck. side note: I fully believe Joo Won has ASD also.) Joo Won is a purposely unkind person, who - despite appearances - doesn't have any of his shit together. Then Dong Sik brings Joo Won into his community (kicking and screaming and crying) and tells him that it's okay. He shows Joo Won that he doesn't have to be perfect, he doesn't have to have his shit together, he just has to be good and kind (which Joo Won is) and everyone will accept him.

They both started the story unable to fully trust people. Both were afraid to let other people in. They purposely caused trouble for themselves and were as unlikable as possible for display, whilst keeping secrets and enduring dangerous situations by themselves. Until they grew to know one another, and then, by the end, they have no secrets (from each other) and trust one another completely. But they're far from perfect and actually need time apart to get over their relationship/shared history. But still, they have a bond that they don't have with anyone else. (Isn't that the purest and sweetest form of love? Acceptance and unity.)

That is the beauty of this show. It allows its characters to be as human as possible. They aren't always pretty, they make mistakes and can be outright awful sometimes. But it gives them the time to grow and forgives them. Not everyone is 100% good or 100% bad. Life would be so much easier if that were the case but it isn't.

Even the villains in this show are multi-layered...

3. Victim focussed I'm going to be a bit quicker with this one. The show's focus is on the victims, their families, and their communities. It highlights how murder affects not just the victim but everyone who knew them. It doesn't shy away from the darker side of women being murdered (the smear campaign against Min Jeong) without focussing on sexual assault (unlike all those male writers that love writing about women being sexually assaulted. ew). The show REFUSES to slut shame sex workers and instead, gives us wonderful feminist ideology through Dong Sik. The murderers and their accomplices are not glorified or glamorised. The why, what, and how is not the main importance of this story. And personally, I don't give a flying fuck why Jin Mook did what he did- I'd rather find out what the victims did in their lives beforehand. The villains are the weakest characters, AS THEY SHOULD BE. It's not about them, as it shouldn't be. They get forgotten. I remember the names of more victims than Jung Je's mum's name. As. it. should. be.

4. Acting Again, going to be short with this one. This show has some of the best acting I have ever seen! Everyone fucking kills their respective roles. But let's give a huge "shout out" to Shin Ha Kyun (Lee Dong Sik) and Yeo Jin Goo (Han Joo Won). They are outstanding and so brilliantly matched in their talents. They understand their characters and their dynamic so well... Really, this show has the best casting. I can't imagine any other actor playing these characters.

5. Chemistry Shin Ha Kyun and Yeo Jin Goo have the best chemistry. Seriously, I have seen them both in other projects and they never disappoint, they're wonderful opposite their respective co-stars... but their on-screen chemistry is special. It is tangible, it's magnetic, it's outstanding and so natural. Who does unresolved sexual-angry-undying-love tension quite like them??

(^ a better summary than I could ever give)

6. Queer subtext/ Queer audience I hate to break it to anyone who missed it or doesn't want to see it (or disagrees, which is fine but... confusing) but this show is queer. Han Joo Won and Lee Dong Sik are into each other. Obviously, their story is far more complex than that, nor it is always healthy. But they do have some sort of feelings for one another. These two are queer coded to high heaven (or hell, if you're being cute) and it's not just the audience projecting their feelings onto the characters, but the actors themselves saw that Joo Won and Dong Sik were in a "secret relationship" (as Jin Goo put it). Queer-coded shows and characters resonated deeply with queer communities/audiences. I think because their relationship was never fully 100% confirmed either with a "yes, we are a couple" or an on-screen kiss, or something, it is instead shown through hints and clues, it causes queer people to fall in love with it. This is partly due to everything I have previously mentioned but also because of the lack of representation, especially in the crime/mystery genre. I could go on forever about this but... I won't because that would be tedious.

[Side note: this show has a very interesting relationship with religion. It is explored through Dong Sik who grew up in a religious family but actively didn't partake in the activities/belief. Then he goes on to lose his family and the community. Then has Joo Won come into his life and promises to go to hell for him, and then have scenes where Dong Sik looks up to the skies and whispers his name like it's a prayer... and then the arrest scenes... It's just. a. lot. That mixed with the queer subtext, it is very delicious.]

(^ Joo Won making himself into the sacrificial lamb to protect Dong Sik, either with the end goal of dying or "going to hell" in his sted.)

7. Wonderfully attractive people They're good to look at. It helps.

8. The Ending Episode 16 is a bitch.

I believe it is the reason that a lot of people are left wanting more of this show. Obviously because of the previous 15 episodes but also, because, about 40-50 minutes of that episode is just trauma. It is so beautiful and heartbreaking. Then BAM! The last few scenes are so light (visually and subject matter) in comparison that it is a breath of fresh air... but it doesn't last very long. We barely get any happiness after so much heavy shit.

The ending is treated as an epilogue but it ('it' being the whole show) is actually the prologue to these characters' lives. We know that the last scene isn't the end of Dong Sik and Joo Won's story. The last shot is Joo Won walking away but we know he's coming back. Because Joo Won always comes back to Dong Sik. Now that he has him, he's never going to let go again.

(I don't want a season two, I NEED a season two. But we're probably never going to get one and that is a good and sad thing)

This show is so beautiful and it grows on its audiences. I, personally, didn't like it as much the first time I watched it as I do now. I found the music to be really off-putting and some of the choices to be slightly lacklustre. However, after rewatching it and digesting it, I just can't... I love it so very much. It's my favourite TV show. I adore the message of togetherness, love, perseverance, and the importance of found family. I love the way they included queer-coded characters with affection and sensitivity. I love that they included actors who took (the story and the underlining love storyline) seriously and wanted to explore it further.

There's so much more I go talk about but I'm not going to. It is complex and multi-layered, and different parts of it speak to different people in different ways. Also, to be really honest, I'm not entirely sure why this show sticks with people the way it does. It's just one of those things that I don't think humans can fully explain. Sometimes, a piece of media just captures you and speaks to you on a level that you can't fully comprehend and THAT'S OKAY. We don't always need to understand.

I really could just go on and on and on. But I have already taken up far too much of your time. So, please forgive my ramblings, I hope you feel like I answered your questions. If you have any more, please feel free to send them my way.

Finally, if anyone else wants to add to this, or disagrees with me, please feel free to give your opinions. Or maybe share why this show resonates with you! I'll love to read that, and I'm sure anon would love that, too!

-Thanks and bye!

#beyond evil #jtbc beyond evil #beyond evil meta commentary #beyond evil analysis #han joo won #lee dongsik #jwds #shin ha kyun #yeo jin goo

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knoxvilleforever · 2 years

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Johnny Knoxville x Actress Reader Headcanons

request: if you haven’t written this already, could you do knoxville x actress who was also a member of jackass from the first season of the show :)

you and johnny met because you had a mutual friend in jeff

and he’d let you know about some videos he’d been making with a few friends

he showed you and you thought they were hilarious so he brought you along

and as soon as he introduced you to the group of guys

you all clicked instantly

especially you and johnny

that first night with the guys you spent almost half of it talking with johnny

and from then on that’s how many of your nights after filming ended

you’d spend hours on end with johnny talking about life and love and everything in between

‘why are you here, sweetheart?’

‘here with you? i don’t know knoxville, i’ve been asking that question myself.’

‘c’mon, i’m serious. unless you’ve got a real thing for stupid guys in pain.’

‘damn, you caught me. i guess i’m just trying to get out there and become an actress. and this isn’t such a bad start, right?’

when jackass aired you became a firm favorite

and it quickly got you a lot of attention alongside the other boys

particularly the speculation regarding your relationship with mr knoxville

your closeness translated extremely well on camera

through your concern for johnny after certain stunts

and the way he was always your number one victim for a prank

loveable was the best way to describe the two of you

you did other jobs here and there but for a long time jackass was your priority

you committed a lot of time to writing sessions with johnny

and after a year since the first season of jackass was released, you’d been writing and drinking all night and found your work abandoned

your liquid courage had well and truly kicked in when you asked

‘how come we never… y’know.’

he raised an eyebrow and you burst into laughter at how it sounded

‘not that but, i mean, well that’s a different conversation… just. it’s us. and you. i think it’ll always be you.’

‘y/n, sweetheart. you’re not making a lot of sense.’

‘i guess i just wanna know if you think things would be different if we had done things different. if we didn’t get swept up in all this. if we actually thought about me and you.’

‘oh god, honey. i’ve always thought about me and you. do you have any idea how many times jeff has tried to knock some sense into me to get me to ask you out?’

‘are you? asking me out?’

‘if you’ll let me.’

if you thought the two of you spent a lot of time together before

you’d never seen anything like it

whilst you still loved to work on jackass together

johnny liked to help you with auditions

and self tapes

you got his opinion on different scripts you had to read

and one day you got the call that you’d been successful for a big movie

but sadly it interfered with your schedule for jackass

so you could only commit yourself to half of the filming

the feeling was bittersweet

because you knew this was one of the biggest opportunities of your life

but you had to pull yourself away from the people you’d been filming with for years at this point

you had a strange pit in your stomach when you told johnny

a mix of nerves, excitement, elation

he was thrilled for you

but when he saw your quiet reaction, he knew what you were thinking

‘you know that you have to do this, right?’

you stared at him with a blank face, feeling a million things at once but you weren’t sure which to feel first

‘you’ve been waiting for this since i met you. you know and i know that you deserve it so much.’

after spending almost everyday with johnny for so many years, being on the other side of the country seemed unimaginable

‘you have to do this for yourself, y/n. if you can’t do it for you, then god, please do it for me. i’m asking you to go.’

not being on set for jackass with your best friends felt unimaginable

when you crawled into johnny’s arms he knew your answer

‘you’re gonna make me so proud, sweetheart.’

he was the most supportive boyfriend in the world

something that felt so difficult was made so easy by him

you were terrified of being unable to balance your relationship and your career

especially when you were both so busy

but you made it work

and when flowers showed up at your trailer on your first day on set for the film you couldn’t help but burst into happy tears

and when johnny was stood in your trailer holding a bouquet of flowers for your last day on set, you almost tackled him you were so excited to see him

hollywood power couple

you’d still make appearances on jackass when you could

and you loved to show each other off at premieres

but for the most part you liked to stay quite private as a couple

and you spent a lot of time talking long into the night like you did in the early days

#johnny knoxville #jackass #johnny knoxville headcanons #johnny knoxville x reader #knoxvilleforeverwriting #jackass headcanons #jackass x reader #pj clapp

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preciousdee · 3 months

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A Life Outside of Social Media: aka Reality

In case you haven’t been able to put 2 and 2 together, we are in the late stages of capitalism. We’re at the point where even “reality” is being packaged, marketed and sold. The over saturation of “a day in the life of”, “GRWM”, and “buy my ebook online to see how I became a 6 figure entrepreneur on my own”, photoshoots outside of fancy restaurants, selfies in designer is distorting the reality of many. Social media is no longer just a carefree escape from reality like it used to be. It’s turned into this big market place, and everybody is clamoring to sell themselves and achieve stardom overnight. So much to the point where reality is no longer necessarily important, but the maintenance of the image/ persona is.

Now I’m not saying taking pictures and posting them is bad, recording The New Years countdown to post on your Instagram story doesn’t make you satan. People like to say they record not for social media, but for memories. Have any of you all looked back at the New Years countdown video you recorded yet, honestly? The truth of the matter is when you’re focusing on getting a perfect Instagram shot, or TikTok moment you’re cheating yourself out of that moment. You’re not living in reality, you’re living in social media. You’re not living your life for you, you’re living it for social media. The most memorable moments are not the picture you managed to capture but usually the sincere, spontaneous moments that now camera was around to capture because you were busying immersing yourself in your present.

Again, there’s nothing wrong with documenting and taking photos to keep (and post if you’d like). The problem is the culture capitalism has bred. Capitalism fosters overproduction as well as overconsumption. Everybody wants to be somebody (some with talent some with absolutely none). Everybody is selling something. People feel “fame” is the only way out. You have people overindulging in this pseudo reality on the internet. Millions of everyday working people are constantly having rare, virtually unattainable lifestyles because marketed to them under the guise that they too can achieve this. The working class buying into this gimmick is what keeps the system going. You have people who are pretending that they already have that lifestyle, usually by partaking in overconsumption and living above their means. Then you have the few people who usually do have it like that, who are far to busy enjoying their “luck” and fruits of their labor to devote their life to posting their life on social media, or celebrities where they don’t have to waste their time documenting every moment of their lives, people get paid to do that for them. I hope people realize soon that fame and fortune is not the way out. The only true way out is holding these politicians to the fire and death to capitalism.

Here’s an excerpt of an article I read that stuck with me:

You can read the full article here

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emodialisse · 10 months

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The guy from GamingWins really gets me, used a whole video just analyze the stupid little details that I tend to notice too.

Not sure about hater, but yeah, it's a bit sad. But at the "bright side" Doc Ock and Spider-Man's origin stories had a bit of instinct to it since the beginning (get it? Animal analogy, hah), both suffered from a radioactive accident that changed their lives but decided to follow their own path after that. And it's amazing how the game managed to bring this together rather than just implying like the comics did.

The exception is that one Tom DeFalco story where he decided to write Otto as someone who views his and Spider-Man's conflict like a cord primal thread to hold their relationship together, something that gives him purpose, to look forward to the next day.

Like Scott Snyder said in a comic con panel on his story "Death in the Family" that Joker sees Batman and him as "these two halves where he says, you love me the way I love you, and they're essential parts of one conflict and it's the only conflict that matters in Joker's mind".

So the game offers us a chance to connect with their relationship, through their mutual project together. And makes sense that said project will always mean something to them even though the concept is deep covered in many layers of hate and regret.

Yuri Lowenthal is really the perfect Peter Parker voice imo. And yet he's totally humble about it. He said in one episode of the podcast Super Conversations With Hero Mentor that he felt "terrified about playing the part and wake up everyday feeling like he was going to screw up something".

I saw many people compare this scene to Far Cry lol. Anyway, it's one of my favorite sections from the game and I have the dialogue between Otto and Peter memorized because I tried to find this full scene in other gameplays.

It's really on the nose, but I love how the sequence changes when we go further into Peter's self degrading subconscious, Bill Salyers voice acting as Doc Ock and my boy Scorpion being a creep.

I think takeout's on Otto, and Peter brings the coffee. He knows the place well, it's the Coffee Bean after all, they give him a good discount.

He gets my humor too. Call me later?

If I stop to talk about this I will get a little Pepe Silva insane, yeah. Like the first scene with Otto, he gets off the power damperer and Peter scorts him away from it, the camera pans out and instead focus on these two as to say "this is their story, yeah the Octopus arms are a product of it but give your attention to these two first".

Or when Otto first rises with the help of his arms, he prefers to hover over Peter instead of talking to an eye level, because when he does it's to give Peter false reassurance. Otto thinks his place is above everyone else, which is why is cathartic to him "for the first time in my life, I don't feel like a failure, I feel like me".

Or the many moments the camera goes back and forth to Peter and Otto like they have some sort of synergy together. Anyway, you get my point.

"I have a father, his name was Ben Parker" lol, sorry. Look, I'm not gonna call out anyone, this just my opinion, but I don't understand why people would view Otto as a father figure to Peter. It's a bit cheeky coming from the guy who ships them, I know. But it's not because of some personal vendetta I have against the trope or fanon headcanons, I just don't see the appeal. Their relationship is already pretty interesting how it is portrayed in comics and I don't think a father/son connection really brings much to the table except being pretty boring.

What I see in their relationship is something entirely transactional, until they start to see each other beyond employer and emoloyee. Otto is a very lonely guy, companionship is important to us dumb humans, so he would love to have someone like Peter to take care of to some extent, to share his knowledge, etc, someone he can be close to.

I kind of get it how the writers twisted some screws to throw in a father/son dynamic, just like Spider-Man 2 did. Not gonna try to argue against it, it's just my preference to think of them as friends and enemies with some benefits. Not saying I'm not into that father/son shit, but it's in the gross way. Sorry not sorry.

So, on the topic of their friendship imma show you another guy, this time WritingOnGames, who sums everything I said better than I can articulate here.

(Meme not exclusive from the video)

Otto has stated in an audio draft from the game that he doesn't want Peter to think he's his assistant, but his equal partner.

Although, there's still that invisible barrier, right? I don't think they use to hang out, that's for future fics I didn't finish writing, but I'm certain their socializing takes place mostly through phone calls, e-mails and their Brokeback Lab. He's Peter's boss anyway.

But the way they met was very unusual. Otto didn't even have an internship program, he just followed the word of an old friend (May).

He took interest in Peter and so they spent two years together and have shared many personal stories and dreams with each other. Peter is aware of Otto's habits and personality and vice versa:

Couldn't have said it better myself.

It shows their relationship doesn't revolve just around their work.

And once he finds out Peter is Spider-Man, he doesn't anchor himself on Peter's superiority to humankind right away. He did that later to prove his point right, to make Peter stick to his side.

Otto genuinely shows appreciation for Peter's efforts and genius, but he also admires his good will to do the right thing. In return, Peter strives to make Otto proud of him, but also wants to protect Otto from himself. Which is why he walked so many lengths just to try to take back the Otto he once knew, because it's better if he hears Otto says it was just a miscalculation, right?

Peter knows Otto did wrong to him and everyone else in New York, but still wanted to talk some sense to him, even though Otto insisted he was doing it for the greater good. They're weird, complicated and I love them.

#otto octavius #peter parker #spider man #octospider #what was the purpose of this post again #dia talks #spider man insomniac #marvels spider man

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screwtheprinceimtakingthehorse · 1 year

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Top of the Stack, Issue 26

Greetings friends,

just a quick hello from me before the month is out! February was rough in so many ways. I only posted a few updates on Twitter and kept folks up to date through the discord server, so if you’ve been wondering why I’ve been kinda quiet, here’s a sign of life!

I’m ok! My family’s been put through it this month, with first my godfather passing away, then my dad suffering a stroke just three weeks ago, and now my mum’s apartment being uninhabitable thanks to a broken heater that the landlord isn’t really fussed about repairing. In the middle of winter. There’s other stuff going on I won’t go into here, but these next few months will be eventful. Something something unprecedented times.

The good news: after three weeks in hospital, receiving genuinely excellent care, my dad is back home! He’s made a remarkable recovery. Thankfully, mum can stay with him while she looks for a new place to live — it means she’ll worry less, and he can help her with the paperwork. It’s very German of him, I think. Give a man paperwork to do and he learns to walk again.

I took a break from streaming and everything throughout all that because there was no way I could have even pretended to be a functional human being. My sister and I also both stayed with our mum for the first week after dad’s stroke, and every single day was so exhausting, emotionally and physically. As healing as it was to have all four of us together, and see how much it helped my parents to have us show up like that and be present, there’s still a cost to it. You’re running on survival mode — the three of us had to remind each other to eat, to drink enough, to take sit down — and at the same time there’s a want for normalcy. To enjoy the time together, to dig for another silly joke, another laugh. For my dad, it was a huge part of his early recovery: to know that this was not the end.

Once I came back home and things were looking so much better than the week before, I just let myself rest. I went back to work, but the remainder of the time, I played video games. I’d torn through Horizon Zero Dawn the first weekend to distract myself, and then it was straight on to Forbidden West. The right amount of game, at the right time. (I really mostly played it to turn my brain off, but it turns out I caught thoughts in spite of myself: there’s a blog and video essay coming about knowledge as an objective and theme in both games’ narratives.) I’ve slowed it down now, but I still sit down nearly every evening to play more. I can enjoy it for what it is, and playing it doesn’t bring anything back up. But it really helped.

Can a video game save a life? Yes. Without that distraction, my mind would have turned itself inside-out with grief. It is grief, even when you’re not (yet) bereaved. Only time will tell how we all process this. Thus far, the relief over my dad’s quick progress has bolstered us, I think. But there’ll be more to deal with, as there always is.

I’m back to streaming and making videos and writing now, after taking time to adjust to everyday life and recalibrate my energy. I did a recording session for Bioshock first; sort of as a practice run for to-camera stuff and interacting at least with an asynchronous audience. This gave me the added safety net of being able to just stop at any point without having to manage any (even positive!) reaction in the moment. That went well, however, so I felt confident in streaming again on Friday. I enjoy it so much, and I knew that taking a break was the right choice precisely when my feeling switched from being glad I had nothing on on a Friday night for a while to being excited to stream again.

Now we’re heading into March and I hope that it will be a kinder time for all of us. Be gentle with yourselves 💜

#life update #tw death #tw stroke #tw grief

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k00286723 · 1 year

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Sketches of my primary research!!

had loads to work with thanks to my little vlogs! I want to show some things that I saw often and talk about them cos its cool!

firstly I saw so many birds! lots lot murmuration (groups moving in unison) they were more or less everywhere, regardless of where i was. its been one of those things that won't you see them you can't unsee them. birds everywhere now. I had a video of a crow flying on and off of a spar sign so I drew that frame by frame. really beautiful to see how every little piece moves when they take off, I had to rewatch all of these videos over and over while editing so they're slightly engrained in my brain but also it means I've been able to really look at them and the details of everyday things. birds were so interesting with this frame of mind. the way a robin bops around vs a crow is like a little stalker.

secondly I saw so much human movement. this example is from my friend getting stuck in an alleyway because of her umbrella. it was a really windy day when I took this so I got the nice detail of the flow scarf. I got a lot of videos like this one, my friends bodies being weird, like jumping or falling (had loads of them not all postable though unfortunately). Just made me look at things like walking, dancing and bouncing around, more than usual. its strange paying attention to the way people just move unconsciously because then I stated thinking about the way I move! that was not fun let me tell you.

thirdly so much transport. used a bus eireann bus for this example, a picture I took while also on a bus! bus-ception! I had loads of examples to choose from of cars, bikes, buses, trains etc. even when the area was quiet, when I was in limerick there would be cars everywhere , constantly going. its interesting since they move as w whole form but when you really look at them , its just the wheels. I've Never been mad into cars before (outside of fast and furious movies) so this is when I started noticing the aesthetic details. also accidentally made eye contact with lots of drivers and got some insight into the people in the cars. the moving people. where were they going? what kind of journey are they having? what are they listening to on the radio, if they even are !? I have lots of questions no answers.

fourth was animals. So lots and lots and lots of dogs during this collecting. so many dogs it was brilliant. I love dogs. loads of other animals too though ! it was easier to get videos of my animals though and those are cats and dogs. thinking about how all us animals are made of muscle and bone and ligaments but are all moving in such different ways ? the dog in this example is a dog who walks around near my friends house, we don't know his name but he follows her everywhere. he walks in little strides, kind of like a gentle old man. has a harness on but we've never seen him with a leash. wonder what his movements are like when my friends not there , where does he go when there's no one to follow around ?

fifth is hands, I loved looking at hands honestly. they're so funky and have so many small minute movements. peoples hands are constantly moving I've noticed, for everything. mental reasons like anxiety, glee, fear, anger , nerves all make people move their hands. but physical reasons do too like an itch, heat, cold, greeting, grabbing a door last minute, catching a friend drink as it falls. so many movements and im so delighted to have caught some on camera. there's something very wholesome about watching humans be humans and that has spring forward. seeing holding hands, dancing together , head pats and high fives etc. I remember from biology that the hand has so many bones it it , and so many points of connection even when just looking at the fingers. when using hands as a language , there's so much you can say

6th (ill combine them) man made moments of movement. like the flag and the tire swing. both were only so active because of the windy day it was when I filmed. the tire swing called out to me because it was such a cool little frozen moment in time , like a time capsule! got me thinking about the motion of swinging, of kids waiting for turns, of plaits and pigtails swishing in the wind while u swing around to unfathomable (to little you) heights. the flag being there , means it was erected, many hands moved it from place to place, all the materials came from somewhere. how many hands touched the pole ? how many since it's been put up? the fabric in the wind is gorgeous, the light material got picked up so easily by the wind . other examples of this

fifth plants. they were boogying around all the time, when movement happened near them, when weather conditions changed, in response to animals interacting with. grass in the wind was my example here , grass is so cool and lightweight and moveable I loved watching it bend directions. lots of trees got recorded as well, sometimes the whole thing billowing around , sometimes just a few twigs

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threenorth · 8 months

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Leia, I'm not deep at all, I'm just got alot of character development... 😂

Matthew, your always welcome to come closer either irl, online or emotionally. The beds warm I put on my electric blanket..

Roderick, you were was the highlight of my day and week talking to you.

Ghost, ilyu2bb

Charlie, yeah I don't know what I'm doing this year, probably a Whisky on the rocks, all I'd really want is you to come into my life but patience is a virtue... And I guess I'm learning it...

Billy, the only person I've loved more was the older you, I mean younger you, your still the same person but just better and that's all that matters so me too. I've only ever had feelings for you and no one else..

Aaron, there's always more time, and I think it would of been diffuclt with my university and work schedules let alone timezones but who knows it's an odd possibility of what ifs but we have nows instead...

Grey, you can call me any time you want... But my phone won't make a noise probably while it's on "sleep mode" but you can leave me a voice mail and first thing I'll do is listen, and then return your call then maybe check your social media like I try to but good old wall of private. Either way, you know how find me... And I miss your voice... Maybe tomorrow after work or at work I'll try make some vids... As I'm sure it's the same back to you as in you miss mine too.

Angel, I understand and that's fair, but also I didn't expect it to go that way...

Elijah, can't wait to see your face or hear your voice sometime soon... Whenever that is...

Six, we can if you want to, this doesn't feel like something yourd say but I have no idea.

Sometimes... so many things can speak of you. I can't post for some idiotic reason. I don't know if I've ever got one right, but I hope it helps you see some of my thoughts or feelings.

I hope your doing okay, I miss you alot freindo. Obuisly we don't talk directly or as much as we use too. I don't know what string of words will make you feel like coming back or when. You make me... Feel many things I don't have the right words of what emotion it is, but I'm beginning to feel better everyday, I just wish I knew how to describe myself better or my current state.

I'm looking at a photo of you, and looking at my walls, I remember the time you said the walls look like you, I don't see it but maybe I'm just to busy looking at the pretty face that the wall just seems so dull.

I said I'll wait forever if I have to, I don't know the lessons your trying to teach, I know it has a point, maybe appreciate the time we had or something, I'm not sure exactly...

Well, therpahy is slow and days like today make me feel like I'm going to be in therpahy forever...

I don't know if you had any insight for CBT but it's just so... Today we talked about our brains being stupid mush, and how were emotion driven creatures... Yadada...well it's almost 11...i should probably sleep...

It sounds cliche, but I hope you had a great day, I hope your gonna have a good Tuesday...my days are just not the same without you in my life, we talked about it yesterday breify... And I want to apologise for my actions, all of them... Because something I'm missing I'll never understand if I don't know it... I can only be accountable to what I know of, and maybe that's all we can do...

Everyday new, and we try again...

Well goodnight from me, I'm rambling around and around...

I remember the day we met, I remember where we met, I remember the time she would see me on web camera for the first time and I remember the day I'd tell her I'd see her, she jumped for joy and squealed, with her hands clenched by her mouth,

I don't remember the last thing I said to her, I remember all the times I was trying to figure out what I wanted my first word to be,

but slowly I'm beginning to lose parts of my memory, the parts that my brain has decided Is no longer required to remember and to replace,

But I'll never forget that smile, it's the only thing I've ever seen that recharged my batteries, and the way she says my name like no one else.

As I try drift to sleep, I end the day how I start my day, thinking about her.

P.S

Soup, my boy, I hope your keeping her company, good news is I can be around cats and not sneeze anymore thanks to my operation, I can't wait to cuddle you, and see you play with those tampons, you crazy man.

Always

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tnlbarth-blog · 9 months

Text

Aug 14 2023 - 5:02pm

Trigger Warning: Talk of Weight Loss, Talk of Eating Disorders, Talk of Medication

Warning: All people places and things resembling any real people places or things are merely coincidence and are not to be taken as such.

Disclaimer 1: Do not do any of the things discussed in this post.

Disclaimer 2: I am not a doctor, seek the advice of a nutritionist to properly lose weight

Disclaimer 3: Do not stigmatize eating disorders or any other mental health disorders. The people affected by these disorders do not need to be looked down upon they need understanding and care.

Disclaimer 4: Fatphobia is prevalent in our culture including and not limited to doctors and positions but being fat is not a moral failing.

You know you don't have to be unhealthy to be fat. You can just be fat. It's an interesting concept I know. But fatness was around a lot longer than people would like to think. There have been fat people throughout time.

And you ask,"Why aren't there more pictures of fat people through the ages? Especially when it comes to more recent times after cameras were invented?"

It's not a bad question to ask. If fact I and many other people have asked that question for a while. And you know what was found? These people were photographed but people who knew these photos existed knew they would affect their bottomline if they did not get rid of the small amount that did exist. And in America at one time it was illegal to have a deformity in public and since being fat was seen as such fat people did not leave their homes. So they did not get photographed.

But like I was saying fit people are also fat. You can be healthy and have a large amount of fat on you and the inverse is true. You can be super unhealthy and have a thin body. In fact those in bodies that have visible abdominals and sleek physics tend to feel miserable while they try to maintain that look.

And before people say it "not all bodies like that do"

Yes I realize, but I have seen plenty of people who had had that type of boy talk about how miserable they were getting and maintaining that body.

People who get to a super fit body tend to do so in a very unhealthy way. Counting calories and using exercise to create a very dangerous balancing act.

I have watched people go through dangerous practices to be as thin as possible. I am talking about being literal skin and bone. Some starve themselves some binge and vomit. These are the most common eating disorders. I have watched stories of these victims of diet culture die because they think that all they have to do is continue to restrict their food intake a little more.

But fat people can have these disorders too, I being one of them. Losing half my body weight in such a small amount of time was not because I did it correctly.

I over-exercised for a long time. And by overexercise I mean for hours a day I would do pushups, quarts, jumping jacks, curls and situps. I would dance and go for walks. And I did this everyday. And you sit here and congratulate me for it. That is unhealthy.

I continued this until I wasn't able to lose weight anymore with just exercise and went to a nutritionist. The nutritionist was very healthy informing me how to eat properly. But instead of doing what she said. I took it to an extreme. I didn't know how much I should have been eating for my size and the amount of exercise I was doing. I just decided to only eat one serving of everything I got. I divided food into bags and containers and I cut up food and even looked online to find out single servings of fruits and vegetables. Which on the surface doesn't sound so bad. And it worked for a while. But the problem is, that kind of lifestyle is hard to maintain. Especially since I was way under eating for a person of my size even if I was trying to lose weight.

After all of that I again started to get to a point where I couldn't lose weight again. I hit a plateau. I wasn't at my goal weight and I was very upset. I gave up for a while and gained back a little bit of weight. But then I got the opportunity to get weight loss surgery.

And I jumped at it. I went to their nutritionist and learned even worse weight loss habits including counting calories, and eating only a cup of food and getting all my protein for protein shakes. And because I had to continually lose weight for 6ish months before the surgery I stopped exercising all together. I ended up losing a bunch of weight pre-op trying to lose the allotted amount of weight necessary to get the surgery. During that time I did not move a whole lot and I lost a lot of muscle mass, later on causing some severe injuries that I am still healing from. I did so a lot of scrolling on social media and I learned something about being fat and body positivity. I also learned about intuitive eating.

I never ended up getting the surgery. And I am grateful. I now eat intuitively and I don't exercise to lose weight. Instead I exercise to have fun and be healthy. I know I may never get down to that goal size I had in my mind and I am okay with that.

Now I eat until I am full and only when I am hungry and have an appetite. I exercise only when I want and how I want and I have fun with it. I enjoy myself. I dance and swim and hike and go for walks. I don't do situps anymore. I don't do pushups or planks or any of that stuff. I have gotten back to feeling good in my skin. Have I gained back all that weight? At first I did. But now I have no idea. I don't own a scale anymore. I was obsessive about weighing myself. I used to weigh myself multiple times a day. It was a hard habit to kick.

I am much healthier than I once was. And I am much happier too. The stress of losing weight was causing heart issues to spring up.

Oh and I forgot to tell you I was on medications through it all that caused me to have messed up hunger ques and caused weight gain outside of that. So I was also battling that. I got off of those medications last year sometime.

Through that weight loss journey I ended up losing half my initial body weight. And even though at the time I was happy about that I now look back at that and feel a little sad. I really thought back then that my worth was attached to my weight. I now know that it's not true and even though I am still a big person I am happy and proud in my skin.

Regards

TNL Barth

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