#bc i like pain apparently

[f1-stuff]

São Paulo GP '23 // Charles' unfiltered radio + onboard

"No, I lost the hydraulics! I lost the hydraulics! Why the fuck am I so unlucky? Why the fuck am I so unlucky? No hydraulic inside the car. Everything became super... Ugh, can I- I'll try to start again." "The hydraulics came back. What should I do, guys? For fuck's sake, still... Engine switched off. Why am I so unlucky? Oh my god, Oh my fucking god. Oh my fucking god..."

#why would i post this you ask? #bc i like pain apparently #charles leclerc #Brazil GP '23 #2023 #video #formula one #f1 #ferrari #brazilian gp 2023 #team radio #onboard

[plague-parade]

able bodied people will decide you’re not disabled over *checks notes* the shoes you wear

#apparently because i wear platform docs i ‘dont really need’ my mobility aids #like dipshit the reason i wear them is because theyre the easiest shoes i own to get on #the zipper plus the heel tab makes it so that i can put them on myself???? #i very visibly have an abnormal gait but ig bc i wear big shoes im faking it #actually disabled #chronically ill #fibromyalgia #me/cfs #pots #chronic pain #cripple punk #cripplepunk #cpunk

[your-subby-creature]

The funniest thing about being autistic with a high pain tolerance is that the first time I did impact play I got hit for like half an hour without making noise, and then when I did, it was just "OUCH" in the most monotone voice ever. Quite literally, they broke a (thin/cheap) metal cane on me and I was just sitting there like 😐😐 this is fantastic, hit me again.

#Creature rambles #i know ive been absent FOREVER bc im busy as hell but #ive started getting my ass beat irl and its genuinely hilarious #this was me in subspace btw im just Like This apparently #when im not in subspace i go SILLY MODE #literally a menace to society bc pain makes me silly as all getout #anyways lmk if yall want more fun scene stories #ive got a couple of them

[sergle]

I think my favorite thing about doing ginger red hair instead of cherry red hair is: lying to people about it

#I love the cherry red / wine red and I'll probably go back at some point bc it's my Origin. #but for now. #I don't actively lie to people but bc it's a Natural and Plausible hair color #and I'm already pale and I dye my eyebrows to match my hair. ppl figure it's natural #and it has come up MULTIPLE TIMES. and I've recently been rolling with it instead of correcting ppl. bc who cares? #recent examples that come to mind (but I did correct them in this one) my surgeon assuming it was natural #and using my genetics as a natural redhead as a baseline to tell me about what I can expect from my future scarring #and then again later with the anesthesia. they were going to dose me differently #the anesthesiologist glanced at me when I came into the OR and was getting the stuff ready on his cart #and when he heard me talking to my doc and re-telling him that oh the hair isn't natural #he was behind the curtain like FUCK #taking shit off his cart and quietly redoing his setup #that's how I learned that redheads need higher doses of anesthesia than other ppl. #they also need more of the topical stuff like lidocaine. apparently they metabolize it faster(?) #ANYWAY he was going to up my dose thinking I needed it lol #so i almost got way more sedatives and pain meds than i needed bc of my hair dye LMAOOO #other more Normal Life examples was a country dude in full hunting gear holding a door open for me someplace #and I said thank you and he lifted his hat up to point at his (natural) red hair and said ''twins!'' #this one sticks with me because that was such a cute thing to do. what the hell #and at snakefest I was talking to some people at their food truck. there was an older guy who trapped me into a convo for like 30mins #he was Very Nice. and they were going to some type of irish festival next and said I should go too bc I'll be right at home #flat out just was like. this bitch looks irish #and I don't know why all of this is so funny to me. it has no reason to be.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

thank you WH update for confirming that Wally breathes. i really thought he didnt <3

#but also fuck it for confirming that bc it sounds like hes in pain and it hurts my shriveled heart #(keep it up the pain is top tier <3 hurt him more. but also dont. but Do. i want the emotional agony attached) #but uhhhhh seriously tho i did Not expect breathing to be in his library of skills #absolutely unprompted #welcome home #'why is that' i hear one person passively wonder #well considering that he doesnt sleep. and he doesnt eat normally - one could argue that he Doesnt eat either. #and how he Knows hes a puppet. #i really thought he wouldnt feel an innate need to keep up a charade of 'breathing' like the others who are Unaware! #BUT IT TURNS OUT ITS NOT A CHARADE AHAHA #THEY KINDA NEED TO APPARENTLY! at least i can assume so #but i was Genuinely surprised to hear wally's labored breathing in his hidden record audios #i almost paused the first one i heard to go 'what??? he can breathe??' #i had convinced myself of it so Thoroughly that i need to edit some stuff in my brain #bc oh boy i had Thoughts completely centered on that #oh well! into the fire they go!! #im happy for him. puppet man gets to enjoy the annoyance that is breathing

[opens-up-4-nobody]

:-P

#i took an exam at 8.30 to 10. when the fuck home and got tattooed from 1 to like 5 #it was only like 2hrs of tattooing. mostly it was me having her redraw the lines a million times #the color is dark blue and i really like it. wasnt super painful bc i think i have pretty high pain tolerance #i could feel it most under my shoulder blade and a lil on the soft part of my inner elbow #glad i did it today bc i was feeling fucked up abt thr exam. bc the frustrating thing is that i think i could verbally explain the concepts #to u better than i articulated them in writing. idk grades dont really matter for me at this point but i still feel fucked up abt it #anyway. apparently markers stick really well to my skin bc i never go out in the sun lol #she had to scrub so hard and it would not come off with rubbing alcohol #unrelated

[mermaidsirennikita]

sometimes it drives me literally insane to see romance requests that are like

--I want a romance wherein it's basically the happy epilogue throughout the book

--I want a romance that has great communication and they never withhold anything from each other ever

--no "miscommunication trope"

The last thing is just a general gripe about how so many of the things people say are tropes are not tropes, and it's pedantic and snobby but like. Miscommunication is so broad. It's not a trope. People are miscommunicating. WHAT are they miscommunicating about? Is one of them keeping a secret identity from their partner? Because a secret identity romance iS a trope. Is one of them withholding their feelings out of fear of rejection?

Because people DO miscommunicate. Often writers do write it clumsily. If people miscommunicate for no reason, sure, whatever. But if they miscommunicate BECAUSE of a REASON--like, often it's not even miscommunication lol. It's the hero keeping his dire supernatural secret from his wife because she'll die if she finds out (honestly, valid to me, but whatever). It's the heroine finding it difficult to trust the hero with her heart because her dad left when she was young (maybe cliche in theory, but actually a very real thing that happens).

If all you want is plotless nothing wherein everyone is happy and nobody makes mistakes, I personally have a hard time thinking of it as a book, because there is no story. It's just vibes. And essentially EVERY time, people have to mess up and make mistakes in order for there to be a plot.

I just don't understand the point.

#romance novel blogging #if all you want is pure vibes what you want is a short form story or fanfic sorry #you don't want a book #and i'm not saying every writer does miscommunication right--romance has a lot of clumsy writers who just shove it in #(lmao) #but miscommunication is often a backbone in its most broad form of conflict #'i cannot tell you this thing because i am scared for you' #'i cannot tell you this thing because i'm scared of what you'll think of me' #'i can't tell you how i really feel bc i frankly need therapy' #these are all forms of miscommunication and the thing is that when a writer does it well you don't even call it 'miscommunication trope' #but you'll still dismiss miscommunication as bad #the long game by rachel reid is a great example #generally a really well-received book! #ilya gets distant with shane and shane doesn't take ilya's feelings as much as he should #bc ilya has depression and is not telling shane about it #and there is NO REASON for ilya to do this other than internalized shame and a tendency to hide his pain to keep others happy #this is miscommunication!!! they are not communicating well!!! and people still like the book bc rachel reid is a good writer #who knows how to convey this in a way that isn't annoying and is relatable #lol ofc all of this is also symptomatic of the fact that people can't read nuance anymore apparently #and 'character behaves badly = book bad' #(for the record ilya and shane miscommunicate a lot in both books but those books are widely loved bc again rachel is a good writer)

[soldier-poet-king]

Reading Dorothy Day not just bc I said I was going to in Lent but also because I need to beat myself upside the head with guilt and have her ghost live on my shoulder yelling about how there's real problems in the world so who give a fuck about your lonely soul

#she was notoriously difficult at times. so perhaps shed approve #the duality of fran #thinks abt duty and purpose more out og self flagellation and guilt than genuine kindness and devotion #bc i am selfish and weak and i like tender comfort and gentleness. i am too soft and pathetic #and so!!!! duty. duty. duty. there are REAL PROBLEMS IN THE WORLD FRAN. #singleness when you want a partner either romantically or qpr does not count. #an insatiable longing for devotion to be chosen doesnt count #ESP not when you are so moody and neurotic and inexperienced that it would never work out anyway #who tf wants to go through emotional growing pains with a grown ass adult #its embarassing. let alone shit youre apparently supposed to learn as a teen. like a kiss. or whatever #but mostly i am prickly and unlovely to live with #and not worth the effort. let alone the devotion or desire #fundamentally speaking. just. DOROTHY DAY COME BEAT ME WITH A STICK PLEASE

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

sketchy sketch of kitty cat L

#death note #l lawliet #furry #my art #forgor to give him pants bc i was trying to figure out how to do anthro cat legs #i'll prob have them wear pants tho #but L feels like the type to not bother ngl. i can't imagine the feeling of long fur inside denim would be very nice #anyway he's fun to draw #unsure if you all are as on board w cat death note as i am but i am kinda obsessed #i really should be doing schoolwork but tbh by this time at night i like. crave drawing. i need it #and besides i have all of tomorrow free bc apparently my prof is letting us skip our final if we have good enough grades #and i have like. a 96 or smth and i would rather not have to study when i'm still working on my art hist paper #all i have to do is art hist stuff. my prof wants us dead. everyone was talking before class today like. whyyyyyy #it's painful but at least it's cool #side note: i should put cat L in the laundry. spin him. wet soaked pathetic cat in the wash and fluffy puffball in the dry

[puddingcatbeans]

gods the human body is a fucking nightmare. let me out

#beanstalks #been trying to figure out what my assortment of symptoms mean for the last few days #like the world's worst mystery grab bag #sore throat + throbbing headaches + muscle pain + coughing? well hm #that could mean 10 different things actually #i've been in Fear bc if it's covid again then i'm putting my parents in danger #but apparently it could just be that i don't eat enough fruits #and also it was dry as fuck in spain #i've had more nosebleeds the last week than i've had in 3 years #apparently that means i get to Suffer now that i am back home #seriously who designed the human body. why is it like this

[essenceofarda]

No romance in rivendell update probably until later this week or next weekend! Just had emergency surgery to take out a very very infected gallbladder and I'm still in recovery and am just not up to doing any art for long periods of time for a day or two 😅🫣

But hopefully by this weekend i can get the next page done!!

#i'm in #so much pain lol #Just clearing my throat causes me to wheeze in pain haha #let alone when i accidentally cough and stuff #anyway! this is your VERY IMPORTANT remidner to GO to the ER if you are experiencing pain and not be like me and wait a few days bc #i'm Tough or whatever bs #bc apparently my gallbladder was VERY infected lol #and that could have been real bad if they hadn't caught it in time... #funky's personal tag #anyway didn't want people to think i was skipping bc i forgot or was lazy or nothing #no... just in serious amounts of pain :0

[fistfuloflightning]

Lan Sizhui’s words are terrifying. Don’t move, don’t make a sound, I’ll be back when it’s over. And they’ve always been black for as long as he can remember. The other disciples his age have their soulmate’s last words in shades of skintone not their own, like delicately crafted scars that are easy to overlook. Warm and alive and welcoming. But his are black.

He’s eighteen when they change. He’s never heard of soulmate marks changing—fading to grey if the dead was brought back as a fierce corpse, but never changed. Like he was given a second chance—or the other was. But the black thaws to a shade paler than his own skin, the characters red and raw looking. Like they’d been cut into his arm. Like they were never meant to be there. I’ll be here when you wake, A’Yuan.

And those words terrify him even more.

Because apparently he’s fated to keep losing them, over and over again. He has no memory of the first, and his father cannot or will not answer when he asks.

And so Lan Sizhui waits for the day he loses everything all over again.

#mdzs #lan sizhui #wei wu #zhuixian #could that be their ship name? idk #soulmates #because apparently I love causing pain #theres like only two decent lsz/wwx fics that I’ve found that aren’t unhinged threesomes with lwj #which is a shame #because their dynamic could be really interesting #and heartbreaking #esp the moment they realize who they were to each other #bc wwx is closer to lsz’s age than lwj’s mentally and physically after the timeskip #my writing

[sergle]

I really really need a reduction but I'm scared my boobs will be ugly and it will make my dysphoria worse. Idk why I'm telling you this but nobody really seems to understand :/

no, bc I COMPLETELY understand. something that stressed me out more than the money was the fear that I'd do all this work to get the surgery, and then my tits would look like dogshit. that feeling SPIKED again when I saw that first surgeon, who told me my tits sucked rather than telling me he didn't feel capable of performing a reduction on someone with Actually Big Tits. (his patient gallery was full of C-cups for the "before" photos.) this is a real fear, bc some surgeons are just garbage. they don't care about the aesthetics of breast reductions. this doesn't have to be the case at all, there are lots of surgeons who actually care about helping you and getting you a result that's lighter/smaller AND still looks like a boob. you'll need to commit to The Search, looking through patient galleries to see if they operate on people who look like you. but you Will find a surgeon with results you like, who's worked on breasts that are similar to yours, and then the fear will go away!!

#the upside of this fear is that it's not something that can sneak up on you- having a bad reduction result #it can't hit you out of nowhere. you aren't gonna trip and fall onto the surgical table #of a surgeon who isn't qualified to perform aesthetically pleasing breast reductions #you can't be tricked here. you look at the photos and then you set up the consult #and talk to the surgeon and you ask about what results you can expect #and it's all going to be given straight to you. if your surgeon doesn't do good work then it'll be apparent. #ppl like to be such dicks about this bc it is a surgery that's about pain and convenience First. so it's like oh why are you so #bent outta shape about the way they look?? oh only bc I'm a human person. and I don't want to feel bad. #you're allowed to be picky about your result and about your surgeon #sergle answers

[boobookiss]

Hear me out, what about Chronic Pain Dark for a disability hc? It's why his aura keeps screaming/shouting even if he's calmly sitting still. His aura shows how much pain he's in, regardless of how solid his mask is.

Ohhh I have thought about this. 👀👀👀👀

Here's my thing, and like, I've talked to my friend Kris about this, I would literally LOVE and want so bad for Dark to also have chronic leg pain the same way I hc damien does, both because again, disability hc make me happy, and also I think it would be fun and also I think it's a fun and meaningful character element to have that connection back to one of his old selves, but the problem with that in my mind is that like... chronic pain is a body thing. And if Actor stole damiens body, and damien/celine stole OUR body, would that mean that our body doesn't have the leg pain? Would actor now get the leg pain from damiens body??

The thing we ended up talking about was like. The idea of "phantom pain", in terms of being sort-of-not-quite-dead and without your old body.

Like, people who have their limbs amputated get phantom pain from that limb, pain that feels extreme and real even though that limb isn't attached to them anymore. In that sense, would Dark get phantom pains from...his entire bod(ies)? I like the idea that he still sometimes feels pain from damiens bad leg or maybe period pains from celine, and also just general random pain throughout the whole body because it's like his old bodies have both been amputated. He might have something akin to chronic pain in that case. Which I think is PRETTY COOL 👯 ...I mean. not cool for him. but it is cool character wise

and also yes it would make sense why in ADWM he's.... Like that. HJKSKLDRG

#THANK YOU SM FOR THE ASK IM SORRY IT TOOK ME A BIT TO ANSWER #markiplier egos #darkiplier #metaposting #myposts #i also in addition to this rlly do like that idea that actor gets leg pain from damiens bad leg. bc i hate him and he should suffer GFVKL #I also think i would just be a funny character interaction actor being like 'god and ur fucking body sucks yk that' #'this stupid leg just cant LEG RIGHT APPARENTLY'

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Ok, this is mostly bc I realized we've only seen Sally being passive, but how is she able to hypothetically rip apart larger puppets limb from limb? (if the captions with Howdy hold water with other puppets)

(Slight Mutilation Warning Ahead: Puppet Edition)

they absolutely hold So Much water! it's a combination of a couple things!

a) Nightlight!Sally is really Strong. i'd liken to her to a chimp, as much as i hate them. despite being smaller than people, they're absurdly powerful. when it comes to Her, this comes from a mix of hysterical strength and something Else i've been pondering but don't want to solidify yet, so shh dont worry bout it. it's also much easier to tear fleece & cotton/stuffing than, uh, Biological materials.

b) none of the puppets are really prepared for violence? they've lived in an idyllic world where true, visceral violence likely hasn't even been a Thought in anyone's minds. like, you watch videos of people get attacked by like... raccoons or rats and they visibly Lose because they panic! they aren't prepared! they don't wanna fight! so the much smaller creature wins. They Don't Know How To Fight, Or Fight Back.

b.1) also, Nightlight!Sally is still... Sally. she's still their dear friend. i know that if a close friend attacked me, i'm not sure i'd be able to bring myself to do much other than defend/flee. i wouldn't wanna hurt them even if it meant protecting myself. hence why Wally avoids all confrontation with her & can't protect his friends from her. he can't hurt his neighbor.

b.2) there's also the shock factor. imagine you wake up from a pleasant dream to an absolute nightmare reality. Boom, automatically thrown way off your rhythm. then one of your close buddies looks Fuckin Weird, Are You Okay? and other crazy shit is happening! you're freaking out!! then your Close Friend Who's Off is suddenly slashing at you and BOOM, your arm's gone & your entire brain is scrambled from shock and fear and "?!?!?!?!?!". plus, i doubt the puppets know they're full of stuffing. seeing yourself sliced open and white fluff spilling out has gotta be just. so Unpleasant on principle.

c):

CLAWS BABEY! RIP TEAR AND SHRED! those sharp grippers are perfect for piercing and ripping! puppet fleece is Paper to her!

her fighting method is attack wildly until the threat stops making noise! it's very hard to defend oneself from it! imagine those cartoon bits where a cat attacks someone and its just a Flurry of Unbeatable Violence

#if it helps. barnaby goes back to sleepytown immediately after this #so he's safe. as safe as he can be. #i would Also like to note that to My Interpretation/Understanding the puppets can't feel actual pain #i believe this for several reasons! #but for this au specifically im gonna make that a thing for Different Reasons on top of the Main Reasons #anyway anyway #the barnaby-sally attack in my head happens Directly after he tries to help her #its already a chaotic scene but he thinks theres something wrong with her for Obvious Reasons #and runs to her to try and snap her out of her apparent daze #and then WHAM arms gone. barely gets a chance to process #meanwhile wally is hiding curled into a little ball with his hands over his ears #bc he Cant Help and he Doesnt Want To Listen #if this makes you sad! oops! sorry! i have a softer scribble queued up for later today if that makes up for it #wh lights out au #scribble salad #i am Also taking into consideration clown's post about the neighbors playing splatoon. iykyk <3 #alright its 6 am im going to sleep #meant to pass out Hours ago but that didnt happen! #ah fuck wait cant sleep yet starships just started playing. ninki minjaj...

[lesbiten]

every day of my life im haunted by the part where dipper reads fords thoughts and all these fucking years later its still at the forefront of his mind that hes sorry abt what he did to fiddleford

#i think about post-science divorce pre-portaled ford a lot #how he only realized fiddleford was right After fiddlefords refusing to speak to him. how hes clearly tried to contact him but got nothing #back. bc he says a few times 'f is still not speaking to me' in the journal #how he has apparently just spent 30 years in those other dimensions Still feeling bad about what happened. realizing how badly he fucked up #and then he comes home and sees the Degree of fucked fiddleford is. yeah #and on the other end of it i still want to know if fiddleford ever like. idk. like #when stan comes in and starts pretending hes ford does fiddleford Ever talk to him. like before he loses his mind and forgets who ford is #maybe when ford stops talking to him he takes it as a sign that he doesnt feel bad about what happened etc etc so he just. avoids him #even though its because ford is currently just . in the nightmare realm. as you do #pain etc #simon says