#anyways yeah…im in denial

[skitskatdacat63]

"The Boy With The Thorn in His Side"(x) - The Smiths × 2023 Strollonso moments + pundits' reactions

#baby's first web weave please be kind #frankly i could make a giant masterpost on my opinions on which Smiths songs fit which drivers/ships #i like their music a very healthy amount and I don't spend countless hours daydreaming to it...no.... #but this particular song has been haunting me bcs i think it fits them super well!! #with their relationship dynamics and then the way everyone doubts their relationship #though its been hilarious watching the f1tv commentators kind of resign themselves to 'ah well ig this is what AMR/Fernando is like now' #went from being confused and shocked at their on track comradery to just accepting it for what it is #now theyre like 'ah yes lance dutifully lets fernando pass' compared to the previous ouright disbelief and denial #yeah thats right...theyre in love...what are you gonna do about it... #i think one day itd be fun to make a vid comp of all the times the commentators were ?????? at strollonso's lovey doveyness it is fun TO ME #it was really funny to look through shitty articles for negative comments #but the funniest part is that istg all of the articles just quote this one singular man who is hellbent on being a hater #i am in your walls peter windsor. #i think its silly when they bring in 'f1 experts' for their opinions ona drivers motivations and mindset #they act like such armchair psychologists like bruh your degree is probably engineering or journalism calm down!! #hehehe anyways happy with this!! i wrote it out on paper like a whole ass essay draft to brainstorm what to put #and then i scrolled thru the draft while listening to the song and im just EEEEEEE IT FITSSSSSSS #f1 #formula 1 #formula one #we do a little bit of f1 #lance stroll #fernando alonso #fa14 #ls18 #1418 #1814 #strollonso #alonstroll #normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion

[sage-is-in-fact-very-tired]

okay I know I said it in heyhay's chat; but I genuinely thought the reason why there wasn't a death tw on sherbs stream was because Icarus was just in denial about it after it happened (and after fable said some worbs) -

#uh. so #yeah okay i genuinely did im not even jokeing #i watched the stream and was like. he died #but theres no death tw #*oh* its cause theyre in denial isnt it- #anyway yeah #icarus morningstar #sherbertquake56 #fable smp #fsmp #a tag to help find my own posts

[sillylittleguyinatrenchcoat]

LONG TIME NO MILGRAMPOSTING so how we feeling abt backdraft boys….

#LOTS of fuuta this batch he deserves to be celebrated #he absolutely OBLITERATED this trial #like FUCK props to arthur lounsbery my life is yours #he’s on the road to forgiven too im so proud of my little angry chihuahua #i voted forgiven ofc who do you think i am….. im his whiteknight ill always forgive him #jokes aside he does NOT deserve to be voted unforgiven like. my boy is straight up suicidal and nearly half-blind. despite being one of the #only characters who didnt MEAN to kill anyone #like yeah he fucked up and hes in denial but hes literally being CRUSHED by his guilt. and we’re doing the same thing he did #can u tell i love fuuta kajiyama #ANYWAYS tag time whoo #milgram #milgram memes #fuuta kajiyama #mikoto kayano #yuno kashiki #shidou kirisaki #kazui mukuhara

[good-beanswrites]

Could you write a drabble for Mikoto and Shidou plus Blood? This request miiight be inspired by the fact that Mikoto mentions his body hurting a lot but doesn't seem to be receiving any medical treatment, either because Mahiru and Fuuta take priority or because there's no obvious cause, and therefore cure, to his pain...

👀👀👀 Thank you, this is such a good combo ough!! It's so interesting how much focus the others get when it comes to physical health, since Mikoto has clearly complained of his condition :( It looks like Milgram is trying to push the idea that he's completely oblivious to his alters, but I spun it where he's aware, just deep in denial. So have some Mikoto angst to get us hyped for Double!

Mikoto should be grateful. He was lucky. That’s what he kept repeating to himself. He had both of his eyes intact. Both his arms. He was strong enough to walk around freely. He wasn’t on the verge of death, or collapse. Thus, he should be grateful no one was offering him any help, because it meant he didn’t need it. He repeated it again. Maybe this time he would believe it.

With a groan, his body rolled out of bed. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d woken up actually feeling rested. Everything ached. His muscles tightened with soreness. His throat felt as raw as his knuckles, though he hadn’t been using either. He had no desire to lift his arms over his head, or twist around too much, so he didn’t change out of yesterday’s uniform. Maybe the belts and buckles had made it difficult to sleep. The theory wasn’t a convincing one, but dwelling on things like that had never gotten him anywhere.

He ran his fingers once through his hair, combing out a bit of the mess. Looking in a mirror was the last thing he needed. He made his way to the dining hall. 

The others trickled in for breakfast. His appetite, at least, hadn’t suffered. He hardly noticed the others giving him wide-eyed stares. What were they expecting? Of course he was looking worse for wear, given the circumstances. He ignored them, glad to focus on the hot meal before him.

A hand weighed heavy on his shoulder.

“Mikoto,” Shidou’s voice may have remained calm, but it was urgent. “Do you need some help?”

“Huh?” He shrugged his hand away, offering a weak smile. “I’m fine! Oh, I think Kazui was saving a seat for you over there, if you --”

“-- How about we go to my cell for a moment? Or yours, if that would be more comfortable.”

What was everyone’s problem this morning? Mikoto did his best to keep his voice pleasant. “Really, man, I’m good.” 

Shidou’s expression remained unmoving. Very carefully, he informed him, “you’re bleeding. Pretty badly by the look of it. You’re coming with me.” 

Mikoto blinked. He looked over his shoulder, following Shidou’s gaze. The back of his uniform was torn across the center. A significant splotch of blood seeped into the material, growing even larger as he shifted to see it. 

“...Oh…” 

Back in Shidou’s cell, sad to have left his breakfast plate behind, he slumped into a chair. Shidou gathered together some supplies. As always, he got right to the point. “What happened?”

“I… I’m not sure. I don’t remember anything from last night. I don’t remember most nights, recently. I know that sounds crazy, but…”

“It’s fine. I have definitely heard crazier.” He smiled, something gentle and reassuring. As usual, there was something hidden behind his eyes. It was as if he already knew what Mikoto was up to late at night that earned him so much soreness the following days. He didn’t offer an explanation, though. Mikoto didn’t press him for one.

He winced as he was helped out of his uniform. Removing his shirt revealed the mysterious gash. Shidou’s eyes widened at the array of scratches and scars. Some were fresh, but most originated long before Milgram. Though he didn’t ask, Mikoto answered.

“I’m pretty clumsy, huh?” Maybe this time he would believe it. 

Shidou was kind enough to pretend to. “Here, allow me…”

Shidou got to work cleaning and dressing the injuries. Mikoto closed his eyes. Even though the disinfectant stung, and sometimes those gloved fingers pressed a little two hard, it felt nice to have things patched up. 

“Is there anything else going on? Are you feeling pain anywhere else?”

Mikoto could have laughed. He didn’t. “I’m just sore. And my head’s been killing me, but I’m used to migraines. Perks of the verdict, I’m sure.”

Shidou hummed in thought. 

“Thanks, by the way. I’ll try to be more careful.” Not that he had much choice in the matter, it seemed. But he’d do his best. 

Shidou kept his face straight, but there were traces of pain in his voice. “I will too. I’m sorry, Mikoto. If I had known… I’ve been distracted lately, but I should have paid closer attention.”

“It’s fine,” he flashed a grin. “I know the others are pretty fucked up. And I’m not dying or anything. I’m lucky, you know?”

“I wouldn’t say so. Doctors don’t only treat the dying.”

Mikoto frowned. 

It didn’t take much longer to finish treatment. Shidou gave him a few instructions about the bandages, then offered him a clean shirt. “You’re good to go. I’ll be checking in more often, now. I’ll see if I can find something for your head.” 

“Thanks. Really.”

He returned Mikoto’s torn uniform. “You should talk to Es about getting a new one. Until then, you’ll want to clean this with --”

Mikoto waved a dismissive hand, heading out of the cell. “Don’t worry, I know how to wash blood out of my clothes. Er, that sounds bad. I’m just a clutz, yeah? The blood’s always been my own.”

Maybe this time he would believe it.

#milgram #mikoto kayano #shidou kirisaki #im so fucked up over mikotos state rn :(( im pretty sure his vd is going to melt me into a little puddle on the floor on wednesday #id need to do more research on what doctors are supposed to do but i think shidou knows mikoto is in denial and wants him to work through #the realization on his own first instead of forcing it on him - and telling him wont stop the late night rampages in his cell #and youre right - theres not an easy cure for the stress headaches and all that anyway so theres only so much he can do #but yeah itd make sense that shidou (and the others) were genuinely too busy with the 12yo and dying patients to notice his condition... #sorry for having a shirtless mikoto moment 😭 i didnt want to pull a meme but it was needed for the prompt 😤 #i kept it in mikotos pov but when shidou mentions what doctors do hes having an internal crisis about if hes a good doctor rip #i do think mikoto only had one victim but still got into fights and stuff sometimes - hence others' blood on his clothes in the past #thank you so much for the request!! #the double hype has been Consuming me asdfsdf so this was a ton of fun to write ;-; #drabbles

[puppydoggraham]

I’m always about jealous Hannibal (you all know this) but don’t get it twisted… Will is jealous too…. Thinking today of Will getting jealous over Hannibal and marking him up in places he can’t hide and when people question Hannibal about it, Will smirking while he watches Hannibal squirm. Hannibal LOVES Will being jealous over him it would make the blood rush so fast to his dick that he blacks out

#hannigram #I should write jealous will #hear me out #will once again suppressing his jealousy like he suppresses everything #maybe he’s in denial about feeling jealous #but he sees Hannibal interacting with some guy and he just feels so angry #and later that night he contain himself #jealous will hannigram sex MEEOOOOWWWW #Hannibal would be caught off guard #he would be like yeah will do whatever you want ofc im yours #anyways #inspired by that jealous will gif #🥩🎭

[xannerz]

wish my mom wasnt homéophobíc!!!

#she randomly started this conversation yday and said she'd rather be dead than find out i'm dating another woman #and it absolutely snowballed negatively from there but i was standing there trying not to puke but also like 'please dont do that.' #when you know she knows but she's also in denial but also physically and mentally fragile so you don't want to rock the boat lmfaooo #im an adult and ive been taking on most of the responsibilities at my own expense and she still manages to make me feel small lmao #anyway no comments or advice is desired pls ty :) 🔪 !!! #every time someone gives me some stupid american-ass 'well you have to live your life you should---' i immediately wanna rip n tear #i do not have the luxury of giving my mom a yt people mic drop nor do i wish to contribute to the tension rn #like yeah?lol. ik im an adult and ik my parents are unhealthily codependent in more ways than one. and ik that i ~ deserve to be happy~ #but i dont wanna hear it rn LMFAO #anyway i love my mom 🧿✝🙏🕯 but that shit hurt #xangoeswah

[hopeheartfilia]

oooh they are going into a trap. jokastes maid that he remembered would be harder to convince to keep quiet. She did Not make that arrangment with the nurse the regent did

or so i believe. This just stinks of trap. Go back. Go back and let her go to ios alone. It is hard to know if it is your son or kastors son. But it is jokastes son. Yes its agamble to believe she would try to keep him alive but its the best gamble youve got. If she goes its most reasonable to tel kastor it is his child. Whomevers child it is they are brothers and its unlikely that the child will show signs int he first few months of being one specific half brothers. So. let jokaste go. Its in her best interest to convince kastor it is his and damen it is his. the truth doesnt really matter much but in case it is kastors and he wins you get to be mother of the next king, in case damen wins youll probably be exiled but likely under better circumstances, and you could argue for specific allowances over keeping the child as safe as you can

all in all its double insurance and she would probbly use it, so best to just let her go, shes probably smart enough to at least protect the child a little bit from the regent and knows kastor better then him

#captive prince #kings rising #capri spoilers #kings rising spoilers #captive prince spoilers #anyway. my guys are cute and all. im h3re for politicla drama and whack interpersonal plays at power #still not over nicaise #i am. in denial. #it could be anyones head! #... sure hope its someone elses head i lvoed thta kid but #the narrative treats it like he IS death so i have little hope at this point #still some tho. anyway #i support womens wrongs so i wanna get to know jokaste better #but yeah bad bicthes get taken out by even badder bitches #laurent is traumatised and also our cast iron bitch #and we love him.

[dysaniadisorder]

i am so sick of all in-community homophobia & transphobia being blamed on teenagers shut the fuck up i was raised by a butch woman do u know the amount of 25-year-olds who have claimed to be elders and told me not to use neos or say the word queer. a lot ok

#the sheer amount of queer teens in shit households. who do not believe they'll live to thirty. #years pass and one thing stays consistent adults are fffucking assholes #like. yeah. even the theater kid who's annoying about the terms twink and bear is still misgendered every minute of every day #like do u know how little we are even encouraged to know... i dont even see ppl having hope for us at this point #somewhere it went from 'queer kids; read queer books!!' #to 'gay babies are all sooo homophobic and they don't even know it' #shut up shut up i hate you. you cannot blame the entire communities problems on someone who's writing an essay on the pearl #shout out to my cw teacher who reccomended me a book; told me the main character was gay in the 1920's and winked at me #triple negative shout out to the 20-smth lesbian who tried making casual conversation w me about how she knows all her bi friends #are either special straight women or lesbians in denial. and i went ahaha. mhm. im gonna go #u guys are losing fucking sight................. anyways #just a rant ignore this

[the-kipsabian]

also i literally wrote a whole thing about the kip as tumblr sexy man thing but search isnt letting me find it so you just gotta believe me

#i specifically also remember writing it to get out frustrations about job hunting so like. its biased as hell lmao #one reason to find it again so i can fix it lmao #but it exists. going through each point deciding whether or not certain features apply to him #if i remember right study showed negative results but it was very close to being like 50/50 #tho again a lot of bias in that admittedly as i am in steady denial about this fact so like. yeah #anyways im gonna try to find it again it wasnt that long ago since i reblogged it but yesterdays queue clearance kinda messed me up #also yeah lee this is your fault lol #night is an absolute mess on main

[viir-tanadhal]

should i just make a rambling post about all my thoughts about nonetheless. maybe i should

#under a read more of course #just to get together all my thoughts and what francisco and i have been discussing.. #i think i have a very clear view on the album given whats been said #which admittedly hasnt been a lot. but i think i know neil and chris' deal to fill in the gaps? #tbh i dont think the album being the way it is should be much of a shock given context and hotspot #aka u kinda just had to be there during this 4 year wait and everything i wont lie hfnfnfn #its also hard to articulate everything because im still in denial that all of this is true and happening #because its nearly exactly what i wanted/predicted #which still kinda freaks me out #but also isnt too surprising given everything? #omg ill shut up anyway yeah might just make a post collecting all my thoughts and predictions and theories #but im still stumped on the lights in their mouths symbolism so theres that #also if why am i dancing is the second single ill buy a lottery ticket

[hopefulyellowlamp]

why the FUCK did no one tell me someones life can just change drastically one moment to another what the FUCK

#lamp vents #anyways so im apparentlt moving this summer bc my mum is packing up me and my sister and moving #from my father because he has a girlfriend in the philippines(fact) and is also a piece of shit and ive kinda #known the entire time but also i didnt see it because i didnt want to think that of my dad so ive been in denial all along and #now im just- what the fuck happened what THE FU CK IS GOI NG ONNNN #so yeah my first appointment in the psychiatry is the 15th wish me luck

[capaldiera]

man idgaf about what treville and richelieu have going on (mostly nothing) (they dont like each other but they work together a lot bc of their jobs.) (i guess treville holding onto a sense of honour whilst working with the cardinal is interesting but like that's not. thats not really those two having something interesting going on). lets talk about the king and the cardinal man.

#the way the king sometimes resents the cardinal's influence but is so easily manipulated to feel lost without it. #the fact that he'll openly acknowledge the cardinal wants him to rule unfairly and play favourites. with a fond look on his face #''i will disband their whole regiment if that's what it takes to make you happy. only please don't leave me alone'' with tears in his eyes #all of which was exactly what the cardinal was going for and he just gets away with it! #the queen finds out he was trying to have her Killed and she says yeah fuck you obvi but i wont tell the king tho bc he loves you ? #i'm not saying any of this is like romantic to be clear lol. it's just very interesting #i mean i dont think it can probably be categorised really. but im definitely not calling it that #it is super interesting though the way the cardinal needs to undermine the queen and place himself closer to the king to succeed in his aim #it would be somewhat appropriate for sure to say its kind of a parent-child relationship in some ways but that's definitely not all of it #in terms of the way the king relies on him and his guidance. but again thats not all of it and he's not a child. or not actually a child. #and i could say this about any of the relationships between men on the show but of course Because they're both men that means the #Possibility of it being anything but fully platonic is not something he can acknowledge and for that reason whether it is or Not there's #still going to be a level of repression and denial that just complicates things. even though/if theres not truly anything to deny #meanwhile honestly i think the cardinal is personally being normal about it even tho he's a freak about a lot of other things #i mean idk that was my impression. i am sorta-watching through s1 again so maybe i'll develop my ideas on that #anyway #me.txt #musketeers posting

[mrdyketator]

it's weird but this is the first time i have fallen prey to the lesbian confusion of ''is she a friend (to me) or more''

#im never usually confused whether im experiencing platonic or romantic+sexual feelings #it's pretty much straightforward forward for me when i try to figure out my attraction to someone #i might be in DENIAL about it depending on the person; but im aware of the type of attraction #but this particular girl is a really close friend of mine and im really protective of her and lots of people think we're dating #but she's straight so um. yeah #she's really nice & just my usual type & i've known her for like 7 years & we're always together #really pretty too w chocolate-brown eyes & wavy hair & full lips even if the self deprecation & lack of self confidence is a turn off #but there's the heterosexuality and i thought i was still hung up on [redacted] #bc i KNOW i would go back in a heartbeat and regret it but still do it anyways(if i wasn't being ghosted rn smfh) #so idk if im attracted to her or just lonely and i really really don't want to ruin my friendship w this girl like i did w [redacted] #p #[redacted] was so far from my usual type it was insane but guess who's still hung up over what could have been🤡

[bitchfitch]

I Need To Stop Writing my fics out of order. Like, I can post oc bullshit whenever bc nobody is actually trying to read that crap like a full story, but the fanfics? I'd be drawn and quartered if I published a fic on AO3 bits at a time and out of order.

Like I write for Me, but I make myself feel too many emotions and need to inflict my shit on other people too or I will die.

#'hey arnt you literally part of a writing group with channels for sharing writing?' #yeah but ! #I have discovered i do not like sharing things directly #I like putting it on a plate and leaving it in the middle of a street for someone to find on their own time #instead of like. Making someone have to look at it. #That feels Rude. #Especially when the thing i am trying to show is problematic elden ring fanfic. #Anyways I told my shrink im coping with my anxiety pretty well these days at today's appointment and after typing up those tags #i have realized im just in fuhken denial about that huh

[h0]

it took me i think like a solid 3 years to reconcile with the fact that i straight up did NOT like homestucks ending

#i was. lets just say #in deep denial! #like i was forcing myself and saying ''yeah no i liked it :) it was weird and not what i expected but i liked it shrugs yeah!!'' #girl..... listen to yourself #if you liked it you wouldnt have visibly frowned when act 7 ended #like.... come on now #i guess i lied to myself to COPE with the fact that it was kind of a big-ish part of my life but it just. faded into obscurity? #is this what game of thrones fans felt three years later? #man... i dunno #i plan on rereading hs next month when this huge assignment i have to give in is due #but man.... homestuck was ACTUALLY so cool. i dont know why it ended like that #but then again i know theres ppl who DID in fact like the ending and defend it #im just not convinced and it took me a long ass time to realize #anyway go download the unofficial homestuck offline reader!! #lms #hs

[toastsnaffler]

its actually nuts how missing a single vaccination has shaped my entire fucking life. like not only would I not be deaf if I had gotten it on time but I probs wouldn't have adhd either 🫣

#like yeah I have a family history of adhd but im pretty sure the current model suggests u can be genetically *predisposed* but the actual- #development of adhd is thought to be closely linked to environmental 'triggers' like childhood stress or head injuries lol #or in my case brain trauma. fun fact: a suspected 62% of kids who survive hib meningitis later develop adhd symptoms #vs. 5% incidence in the general population..... #when I first heard that I was still in denial bc i thought of adhd as a 'natural' condition like ur just born that way #so if meningitis survivors displayed symptoms that didnt mean they were ACTUALLY adhd. except literally all adhd is- #is a collection of symptoms its not some tangible 'switch' thats flipped in some ppl and not others. maybe thats a rly obvious statement- #but I found it kinda hard to get my head around. i guess just bc of how a lot of psychology is viewed by the public innit #anyway being deaf + nd kinda fucking sucks yall better be jabbing ur babies with every vaccination possible or im coming for ur knees #its funny bc it sounds like im saying watch out !! vaccination may PREVENT neurodivergence NOT cause it !! #*andrew wakefield voice* u wouldnt want a child with autism #but thats not what i meaaaannn obvs ur kid not getting xyz disease that could kill them is the number 1 most important thing #its so cringe actually bc hib b incidence has been down to abt 2 in every 100 000 babies since the vax was introduced in 1985 #so I was one of like. probably less than 10 babies to get it in the fucking country and they misdiagnosed me a bunch of times #bc it was so uncommon + I had some rarer symptoms plus the only way to actually CHECK is to test spinal fluid which is a faff #if theyd realised earlier then i also wouldnt be deaf bc it wouldnt have been as severe. just a series of unfortunate events i guess #anyway. immunology is so fascinating i wish id focused on it more in my degree tbh #over and OUT #.diaries