#anyway LMAO derailing my own post | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

22degreehalo · 1 year

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Imagine if aces and aros talked about gay people the way gay people talk about us.

"Don't forget: gay people are totally valid and they are welcome in the AIQ community!!! 😊 Sure, they might not experience aphobia like aces and aros do, but people shouldn't have to prove they're Oppressed Enough[tm] to be included! :)"

"To be honest, hating on gay people makes no sense to me at ALL lmao. Like aphobia I get, but for a straight person to insist that everyone MUST get a partner NO MATTER WHAT, and then throw a fit because it's the wrong kind of partner?! I don't know man, I just think it's only control freaks who could really be bothered, yknow?"

"And after 'Demi-Aces and Demi Gods' we are proud to announce our first ever gay panel! It's called "GG: homosexuality 101" and it'll answer any questions you might have about what it's like to be gay (no, they aren't all polyamorous!) ending with a rousing discussion about the place of the G within the AIQ+ community as a whole. Following that, we have 'Asexual fashion history'..."

"Oh my god I am SO tired of homophobia discourse. Like my guys literally NONE of this matters in the real world. Just log off and interact with your real-world community and touch grass, okay?"

"Um... no offence, but why is talking about gay people so important to you? We're discussing aspec oppression and you're very obviously derailing. :/ like it is just NOT the same thing. If you want to talk about gay issues (like I get that it could feel uncomfy when people expect you to have a different kind of partner than you want) make your own post, please."

"Oh, I get this question a LOT haha! Don't worry, it is SUPER common for young aspecs to invent gay attraction in an attempt to repress their own aspecness! If you ever decide that that's what happening, and you were just dealing with internalised aphobia, it's okay! You're still a valid aro/ace <3'

"But like. How... would 'homophobia' even work lmfao. Like you're being restricted from couples' benefits by?? Being in a couple the wrong way???? Literally nobody is going to throw you out of your home for having a child with your partner. 🙄 So unless you can provide ANY evidence that gay people are oppressed FOR BEING GAY (i.e. lacking m/f attraction AND having same-gender attraction SIMULTANEOUSLY) then uhhh maybe you should stop talking over people who are ACTUALLY oppressed. (No corrective rape doesn't count lmfao that is literally just aphobia.)"

"Welcome to AIQ pride 2023!!! Gays and lesbians are allowed but y'all are on thin fucking ice 🤪 Ugh it's just a joke lmfao. It's not serious. Jesus I wish y'all WERE oppressed sometimes, maybe you'd have an actual sense of humour 💀"

"Ummmm sorry, but can you take down your post? This celebrity is REALLY important to the aspec community and I really don't appreciate you implying he could be gay :/ Like he literally already said he doesn't like girls. What more do you want lmfao he's aroace. Why is it so important for you to erase that and force him into an amatonormative relationship? Creepy 😬"

"Sorry but I'm just not comfortable seeing talk about 'homophobia' on my post. I repressed my aroaceness for a really long time by trying to convince myself I was gay and it was super traumatic for me. But even if I hadn't you should've known how this reblog might come across to any young aspecs struggling to accept themselves."

"DNW: gay/lesbian characters. No offence but they're always boring ass issue fics written by teenagers trying to prove how Progressive they are. It's always so ridiculously forced and ooc. Like who CARES if you're gay anyway lmfao just go to a bar and have Good Allo Sex or something, you ain't special."

"Mmmm personally, I think that 'homo' and 'hetero' are more like modifiers, really...? I mean, what matters most is whether or not you're actually IN a relationship. The kind of relationship itself just doesn't really matter all that much. I mean, that makes sense, right? 'No shirt' is a wayyy bigger difference from 'blue shirt' than 'red shirt.' So personally I think homosexuality is valid but it's not an identity, it's just a modifier for allosexuality. :)"

"...ugh, look, what's probably going on here is there's some kind of confounding variable at work, like gay people are more likely to be younger (since it's a pretty new identity) so of course their overall wellbeing is lower. That's just logic. But it just doesn't make sense for gay people to be oppressed: they have their identity validated by straight people all the time. So unless you can explain how you can be constantly validated, but still oppressed, these numbers mean nothing."

#some ppl are gonna be like 'but str8s do say this!!!'#like. Y EAH.#gay ppl treat aspecs in many ways similar to how str8 people treat them!!!!#that is not the own you think ut is lmfao

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moth--knight · 11 months

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for the ask games :) — 14, 17, 20 + 💫🎀

AHHHH HI!!! :3 sorry I need to say at the top I fucking love your wild geese fics so bad. working on leaving a comment soon but. oh my god. SO GOOD.

anyway. thank you for this ask!!! putting da answers below the cut because I ramble uhhhh a lot. sorry.

14. Post a line of dialogue from one of your WIPs without context.

"She doesn’t know if she can face the mortification of going back to the optical store for a third time in less than two months."

ahahahaahheheheeheheh

17. Describe a fic that is still in the 'ideas’ stage.

I have. Too many of these. I'll talk about two though!

I am writing a sequel to sunday best thanks to some gentle encouragement (/pos) that involves Melissa and Barbara making out in a confessional and cookies. The pieces are there but I am still slotting them together.

I also REALLY want to write a fucked up BayoJeanne thing where Bayonetta gets a hold of both Eyes of the World, becomes her own god, and traps Jeanne in a time loop of sorts so she never stays dead. Very angsty, psychological horrors elements.....it is coming together in the soup of my brain slowly but surely.

20. Do you have a favorite fanfic or author? If so, tag them/post a link and share the love!

I already shouted you out hehe, you are on my list for fave barlissa authors right now !!!!!!!! everyone go read wild geese !!!!!!!!

god but also mississippiwriterinjackson, whose connected fics five times and passing notes have driven me to insanity. fucking hell. The romance of it all couched in the mundane and domestic. I am biting my hand clawing at the walls etc etc.

I feel like I talk about my favorite Bayonetta authors all the damn time, probably bc I am friends/good oomfs with all of them lmao (hi XilianX hi Wilmaa hi Dikhotomia hi dubhgloinne hi The_Valaxy), but I am going to shout out Spooky oomf and her fic le chat et sa magicienne because months later and I am still thinking about those french women. goddamn.

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

answered this one but I will say it again: specific feedback on someone's favorite lines/parts of a fic!! tell me what made you feel soft or where the knife got twisted. since I write it and sit with it all for a while, I never know what parts are going to get other people. I am desensitized to my own impact. lmao.

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

*strained smile* uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I think I am good at incorporating small character building/world building details in a way that enhances a story without terribly derailing focus. maybe.

AND my work is always gay as fuck which I think is great. lesbian brainrot is alive and well for any and all moth_knight fics. amen.

THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE ASKS!!!! hope they were interesting o7

#asks #ask game #these are so fun thank youuuuu also I promise I will comment on your fics soon my god #turning them over in my brain like those hotdog heaters in gas station convenience stores #moth writes

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narconfessions · 2 years

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hey i just wanted to say im sorry so many people demonize you guys yes some abusers do have npd/aspd mine did too but to automatically assume everyone with a very diverse disorder is like that is awful and completely unfair to everyone

i will admit i used to demonize it too and i feel awful for that but i'm working through my own trauma and have grown as a person and educated myself to not project my hurt onto innocent people i really hope more people can get to that point too

also feel free not to post this if you dont want i in no way want to derail what this blog is for i just wanted to say this

this is very appreciated. i'm glad you've worked on yourself, i used to demonize bpd in the same way so we're in the same boat in a way, it's hard to work through when you have trauma but it's still necessary. anyways, thanks. it's good to know there are good people out there who care about us lmao adfasdf

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shaftking · 5 months

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https://www.tumblr.com/shaftking/720852493625688064/its-telling-as-fuck-that-so-many-people-from-all

The fact that this post ruffled some feathers is quite telling of them. That reblog from the radfem making wild ass assumptions out of your own lived experiences and immediately jumping to the conclusion that you are an uwu manbaby #maletears that wants to be oppressed to bad :(((( while the women just suffer. You have to be SICK to have that kind of mindset. Someone is talking about their own traumas and struggles and the first thing you say is "Well, others have it harder, so suck it up, wannabe oppressed bitch". I have a very, VERY strong disdain for people like that. They always got the nerve to say that men always derail convos about women's issues, yet they do this crap all the time when women are not brought up at all. Anyways, I went off longer than intended, but yeah, some of the responses to this post disgusted me, and they 100% prove your point without realizing it. Lmao

Yep. They cannot fathom things outside of a strict oppressed/oppressor dichotomy. I’m convinced that a huge reason why radfems and terfs hate trans people is for being a giant wedge in their belief system by virtue of having experiences as both men and women to some degree and those experiences routinely contradict radfem beliefs. Even within their belief that trans is a choice (given that they think gender is not real and all that matters is biological sex and the oppression women face based on that) the idea that trans men can simply opt out of female oppression and trans women opt in to it to any degree makes no sense.

And on the fact that there’s radfems making wild assumptions about who I am and my beliefs, honestly at this point it’s just amusing considering how like 99% of the time they’re just flat wrong and making up a guy to be mad at with my icon hastily tacked on.

#ask

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mushroom-winners-proof · 2 years

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Bro Ven technically has seniority over everyone! He has seniority over Yen Sid!!!

ven could legally walk into a bar and get himself a drink while everyone else is technically too baby to do so

#snap chats #in the states anyway LMAO ITS' LIKE 16 IN THE REST OF THE WORLD INNIT #'you have to be 21 years old to drink' *laughs in filipino* yeah ok sure #oh thats weird sora could technically drink now #has it been that way since KH3??? was he 16 in 3????#point is Everyone's Growing Up I'm Crying And I've Derailed My Own Post Again #aqua and terra are Evidently exempt but you get the deal. ok isa and lea too BUT EVEYRONE ELSE IS TOO YOUNG

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albatris · 2 years

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ok so I finally nailed down what the body horror entails for fucked-up garble-piloted vampire corpses and the only thing I have to say is. hm! ok! yeah I hate that so much

#there is a Post about it in my drafts #which then meandered about and derailed into me talking about what kinds of fucked up garbage nat can do to his own body #idk if I'll post it or if it was just for my own plot working out purposes #me rubber duck debugging in my tumblr drafts lmao #anyway ''i hate that so much'' mostly honestly just me thinking about the Noises #snaps. squelches. clicks. sloshes. crunches. bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad #a rental car takes a left down rake street and disappears

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thychesters · 4 years

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the sun shines in gotham. | 3.2k; ao3

The more Jim watches him, the more he thinks of the kid he used to know. He’d like to think he knows Dick well enough, but even after almost two decades he’s still learning about the guy who has such a presence in his daughter’s life.

Dick straightens and meets his eye. Jim sets down his mug.

“I’m going to ask Barbara to marry me.”

He says it with such conviction, such determination, that for a moment all Jim can do is stare back at him across the table. Dick has sat up straighter, face impassive though his eyes flicker, the only tell in the otherwise impressive way he holds himself.

Jim can feel the lines forming in his brow as he raises his eyebrows and offers a “huh.”

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rrover · 3 years

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im so sad zenyatta is one of the weaker supports + didn’t fit my playstyle bc he’s seriously so cool and his emotes are cute and his skins are cute and i love him immensely.

#i was mostly a lucio/orisa main when i played ovw bc im addicted to movement in video games + liked being able to protect/help my teammates #and control the movement of enemies (orisa's halt)#and like. zenyatta doesnt rlly do any of that at least not when i last played. even his healing was kinda weak (idk if they buffed it at all #bc i havent played in a while!)#but also i did really like playing him and it was fun to get headshots #i just liked lucio better for the freedom of movement lol #also i watched a LOT of frogger and eskay (the yt channels) and was very influenced by them jgjhghfhfj #i think i was almost exclusively maining lucio around when i started playing less #ok yea sorry to derail my own post lmao didnt mean to ramble abt lucio but ya anyway #zenyatta is adorable and cool and i cherish he

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afrosarah · 3 years

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On God, the users who are always showing up on queer people's posts to tell them they can't call themselves (and only themselves) that bad word are almost always users that have uncensored slurs right there in their fucking USERNAME or else first thing in their Tumblr bio.

Like, just say you think different rules apply to you because you think your reclaimed slur, which you know full fucking well has been and will be weaponized just as if not MORE than "queer", is valid, but ours is too inclusive! Just say you're an exclusionist, block the word, or block the user, and go away lol! If you're so distressed by seeing this word, why are you taking so much time to scour tags to seek it out???

I have so much more respect for people who don't try to justify themselves with transparent bullshit and are just honest.

Do not dare derail this post with "queer is a slur" or "some people are uncomfortable with that word 😬" like yeah bitch! Don't I know it! I know a thing or two about slurs - I'm a queer black chick in Kentucky lmao! Speaking of which - it seems all you non-black folks on here suddenly have a perfect understanding of slur reclamation and identity politics when you know not to cone onto black folks' posts to ask us not refer to ourselves as "nigga" 🤔

I use the word "mulatto" to identify myself despite its history as an offensive term for mixed black/white people. Like - that's me, baby! That's an important part of my identity! It's a good word because I'M good, homie! I love being mixed, I love being mulatto! But I'm not gonna label other mixed people that way, because they might think it's offensive, and that is ok! But if I'm on the internet talking about myself and somebody asks me to stop referring to myself that way because it's a bad word.. FUCK OUTTA HERE. I'm not calling you that word! - if you don't want to see it when *I* call *myself* that word, then you gotta block the word using the tools given to you, or you gotta block me. But I will not censor that extremely important part of me for your comfort, I'm sorry.

It is perfectly valid to be upset by the word "queer" and I hope everyone who is distressed by it is able to curate their Tumblr experience in a way that they will be protected. But! You should not rely on others to protect you when the tools are in your own hands. There are certain sounds and subjects that trigger my PTSD and I am careful to block and filter out posts that might contain them. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't believe there is any good faith reason to need to ask someone to tag their posts "q slur" if they are uncomfortable doing that, when "queer" or "q word" will be content-filtered just the same. The ONLY reason would be to scold them and remind them of the negative aspect of that word, when for them it is a positive word, just like how "mulatto" is positive for me.

Anyway, I'm not gonna sit here and see teenagers fresh out of clown school graduation with "fag" and "dyke" and "tranny" in their USERNAME and plastered all over their blogs try to police the word queer on account of it being "harmful to see UwU". Either you realize you only have a problem with "queer" and aren't actually trying to protect anybody's feelings from being hurt by seeing certain words, or else your lack of self-awareness is borderline clinical. Fuck outta here.

#queer discourse #slur discourse #tumblr culture #tumblr is a hivemind hellsite #i apologize if I've upset anyone but again! curate your own experience!#went on a little rant today lads #long post cw #slurs cw

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bigskydreaming · 4 years

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Shout out to that time in the preboot universe, when Lilith showed up to Donna’s wedding to the red-headed man she’d once prophesied Donna would marry and who would die horribly and thus is the reason Donna broke up with Roy originally, thinking the prophecy was about him, (its a long story, just go with it).....

.....and so then here’s Lilith just popping up at the Wedding of Doom she forewarned against, after being out of touch for ages, but she’s flying solo with no plus one and thus no sign of her caveman boyfriend Gnaark (its a long story, just go with it) and when all the other Titans were like hey wtf where’s Gnaark she was just like oh something terrible happened there but I don’t want to get into it now, its a wedding, cheers, because Lilith just does that, when she’s done talking she’s done talking lmao.....

....and then this winged angel named Azrael started popping up all the time and the other Titans are like wtf Lilith, is this dude stalking you, and she just casually waves them off and is like oh yeah, he’s been doing that for ages, he wants me to be his ‘mate’ or whatever, its this whole thing. Don’t worry about it though, its no big deal.’ Because again, Lilith’s just like that.

And then when Azrael keeps showing up Lilith starts glowing every time he’s near and turning into a combustion engine about to blow, and her teammates are like Lil, once again we are just here begging you to call this a big deal, this dude seems to be turning you into a human glowstick, but Lilith is just like omg stop being so dramatic, that has nothing to do with him even, I’ve been having those little ‘heat attacks’ for like years, and the Titans are like WTF LIL, WHY DID YOU NOT MENTION THIS BEFORE, and she’s just like ‘I forgot to okay, god, get off my ass already’ and she stormed off and dramatically quit the team with a huff and a “AND IM NEVER COMING BACK except for when I totally will cuz I already foresee this apocalypse we’re gonna have to prevent in like two years, so nobody take my room okay, thanks bye, and NO DICK, I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE UPCOMING APOCALYPSE JEEZ I HAVE OTHER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT RIGHT NOW, I’LL GET TO IT WHEN I GET TO IT'’.....because I mean....Lilith. *shrugs*

And then she came back and joined the team during the Terror of Trigon storyline and she was all dramatic and prophesizing left and right except lol it wasn’t really Lil as she was possessed by a bajillion Azarath spirits who were like, hey we’re gonna hijack you to cleanse Raven of evil, sorry not sorry, but don’t worry, we’ll tidy up after ourselves before we leave’....

And then she got depossessed and Azrael starting popping up again and she starting doing her human glowstick thing again except this time with actual fire actually burning shit all around her, and Lilith’s like “okay, fine, I’m willing to concede now that this MIGHT be an issue,” and everyone’s like GEE YOU THINK???

And her ‘heat attacks’ were now big and noticeable enough that they eventually got the attention of Lilith’s birth mother, cuz Lilith had been adopted and found that out and started searching for her birth parents and answers about her powers and where she came from when she was like, thirteen (its a long story, just go with it), and so Lilith’s flame on moments finally caught her birth mother’s attention and she showed up and was like surprise, oh hey and also I’m the Greek Titan of the sun, who escaped from Tartarus awhile back and came up with this whole plan to get back at Zeus and the rest of those turds by making a secret weapon baby - that’s you hon, so proud of you - and yeah your dad was just this rich dude who had a company I wanted to take over, I just kinda incinerated him once I had you and didn’t need him anymore, sorry but its not a big loss he was kinda dull, you wouldn’t have liked him anyway, but also, then this random nurse kidnapped you and derailed my master plan of using a toddler Titan to topple the Olympians, but now I’ve found you and we can get right back to that, and that’s what you missed on Glee!’

Cue the rest of the Titans being like......ummm, we have some questions and also some concerns, but Lilith’s just like huh, so what you’re saying is I’m a divine celestial being? Huh, yeah that tracks. Okay, I believe you! But also I don’t like your plan and I think you kinda suck so I’m gonna like....not do that and instead help the gods defeat you again sorry not sorry but I mean yeah, I’m just not feeling it here, I don’t think this mother/daughter thing is gonna work out on account of the you sucking part.

So then that happened and then Zeus was like, hey we’re down a demigod, how would you like to be a goddess? And Lilith’s like yeah, that sounds good, I’m not busy right now. And the rest of the Titans are like umm, Lilith? The team? We do occasionally save the world and protect people and stuff? And she’s just like oh relax, you’ll be fine without me and I’ll be back in time to help out with that alien invasion in a couple years....and Dick’s like wait what, but Lilith’s already gone and getting her demigoddess on. Because, y’know. Its Lilith. She has her priorities figured out.

And then post-Crisis she eventually rejoins the team as the masked and mysterious figure Omen, who wouldn’t reveal her secret identity, because like, she’s Lilith, and she decided hey I’m just not gonna let the team know that its me and just like, idk see what happens. No particular reason.

Except then she’s abducted by this villain named Haze and she has to use her powers to summon the original Titans to free her, at which point her identity is revealed and she’s like yeah, surprise, it was me the whole time, and the Fab Five are all like WHAT THE HELL LILITH, and she’s like WHAT, I WAS BORED, LET ME HAVE HOBBIES.....and also at this time she and the Titans found out oh btw, turns out that whole backstory about you being the daughter of that Titan was a lie, we’re not really sure how that works but just FYI, you’re actually just the illegitimate daughter of this super rich tycoon, and also FYI, Haze is actually your half brother who hates you because of something to do with the dad you didn’t even know existed, soooooo....that’s a thing....

And then she goes back to the Titans for awhile, still as Omen but with everyone now knowing its her under the cloak and mask, the jig is up, Lilith’s like ugh, lame, now what am I supposed to do for fun. But then it also turned out that for some reason that was never actually made clear, now she also had telekinetic and illusion casting powers and she was like ooooh now these I can have fun with. Coincidentally, like, half the team decided now would be a good time to take a sabbatical and focus on their own cities.

And THEN she was kidnapped by Vandal Savage, who wanted to make her use her powers to divine the perfect lineup of bad guys to take down the Titans once and for all, and Lilith’s like ‘well shit, you got me, guess I gotta do what you want,’ except of course she purposely chooses villains she foresees the Titans beating, which they do of course, and then they beat Savage, and Lilith is just like, dude, I know I’m the only precog here, but how did you not see this coming, like seriously, what on earth made you think there was gonna be any other way this was gonna go? OMG you’re so stupid, what happened to all the smart villains, ugh even being kidnapped is boring now, lame.

And then she died, and like, never actually came back except as a spirit in one story and a Black Lantern in that Blackest Night event, and that sucked. But oh well.

Anyway, the point is I miss THAT Lilith, the unpredictable, whimsical, always dragging chaos in her wake and not giving a shit because look its not her fault Destiny is like totally obsessed with her....

She was just a guaranteed source of WTF and she did it all with unnecessary flair and drama and she was one hundred percent a primary reason Dick Grayson was destined to have gray hairs by the time he was thirty, but oh well, that was just the price of being friends and teammates with her, because Lilith was just...*sighs* she was just so Lilith.

That’s really the only way to sum her up. A dozen writers took her in a dozen different directions cuz they couldn’t decide what to do with her so she ended up doing everything and being extremely extra about it which really tied it all together and just made it a universal truth that when it comes to Lilith, don’t just expect the unexpected, like....just accept that with her anything is possible and plausible and the most random shit will end up connected to her and you just gotta roll with it, because that’s just how it goes with her.

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multiharlot · 4 years

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josslyn / tom holland x reader, harry holland x reader

summary: based off of josslyn by olivia o’brien. listen to it here :)

warnings: cursing, angst, implied smut, mentions of blood and having a breakdown (lmao been there done that) and a reader who’s definitely had enough of tom’s shit.

masterlist

I know we never said where we drew the line But I was in your bed almost every night I thought we made it clear how we felt, read the signs But now there's nothing left 'Cause you did nothing right

you never intended on falling in love with him. but he just made it so damn easy. and for a moment, you were sure that he loved you too. the way he’d gently cradle you as you sleepily lolled your head onto his shoulder during a netflix binge. or how he’d always make sure to hold you tight when walking through large crowds. of course, you two never disclosed what exactly you two were to each other. but that’s only because you thought the actions exchanged between you two spoke so much louder than any pile of substandard words either of you would be able to conjure anyways. you had let every i love you, and every sincere emotion pour out into the way you kissed him. the way you bit into his shoulder to contain the involuntary noises that spilled past your lips. the way he stared into your eyes, connecting your foreheads as you gave yourself to him entirely. he held you close, your tired body melting into his strong arms, and your heart collapsing as he pressed his lips gently to your forehead. he raked his fingers through your hair, humming softly.

“i’m the luckiest man in the world.” he mumbled, causing a tired smile to grace your lips.

“i mean...yeah.” you sighed happily, laughter erupting from his mouht cuasing his chest to vibrate against your cheek.

soon, the two of you were entangled in each other’s arms, reveling in the laughter echoing off the walls. your heart illuminated by the love you thought surrounded you two.

You had to go and ruin it So you could get a quick fuck I'm sure you had fun doing it And I won't make a big fuss

you first saw the photos of them two when you were seated on your best friends couch. the notifications on your phone were exploding, definitely more than normal. your screen lit up with twitter and instagram notifications and the texts began pouring through, following your social media mentions. your eyebrows furrowed as you reached over, grabbing the remote from your best friend’s lap and pausing the movie you two were previously engrossed in.

“hey! it’s not time for our scheduled br- hey...what’s up?” they said, their tone softening as their sights fall onto you.

your lip quivered as you scrolled through the paparazzi photos of tom and the beautiful tall blonde woman. your eyes skimming over the headlines and captions. scrolling past all of the comments and quickly typing her name into your instagram search bar.

“ummm...hello? wanna tell me what’s happening?” your best friend asks, snapping their fingers in front of your face.

“it’s uhh...it’s tom. he uhhhh...i think he’s seeing someone.”

“sorry...he’s what!?” they exclaim, squishing themselves next to you and peering onto your phone screen, gasping as they looked at the photos.

“is that her?”

“yeah...yeah paps spotted them out together. holding hands and kissing and whatnot.” you mumble, a numb feeling spreading through your chest.

you two continued to investigate her further. what you knew so far was that she was an instagram model of sorts. your best friend grabs your hand tightly, leaning their head on your shoulder.

“i’m so sorry...” they sigh.

“don’t. ummm...it’s fine. well it’s not but...it’s whatever.” you shrug, standing up off the couch.

“y/n...” they sigh, and you just chuckle sadly.

“no really it’s cool. it’s fine.”

But know we're off and we'll never be on again I hope that it was worth it, fucking Josslyn Don't wanna fight, I just never wanna talk again I hope that it was worth it, fucking Josslyn I know we weren't together but we're more than friends Said you couldn't see me while she gave you head So please, don't ever call again I hope that it was worth it, fucking Josslyn

“y/n love i-”

you stick your hand up, closing his flat door behind you.

“i just came here to get my stuff. don’t worry.” you mumble, harrison and the twins stood behind you two, staring awkwardly.

tom pauses, his lips pursed slightly.

“wh- what? y/n no.” he says, shaking his head and grabbing your arm as you attempted to walk past him.

you shrug, adjusting the empty bag on your shoulder.

“i didn’t come here to talk.” you sigh, taking your arm from his hold and waving at the boys in the living room.

“hey boys, i’ll be quick. promise.” you say, a tight smile on your lips and you start throwing the random items you’d left in his flat into your bag.

“no it’s...we’re gonna go. it was good to see you.” harrison says, smiling sympathetically at you.

you nod, all of the boys giving you tight hugs and light head kisses as they walked past you. harry, however, clung tightly onto you. you two were always close.

“i’m sorry.” he mumbles into your hair.

“your not your brother, harry. don’t worry. i’m fine.” you say, nodding your head up at the tall curly haired boy.

he just sighs, shaking his head at his brother as he walks out of the flat.

“y/n can i please just explain-”

“no.” you say, walking past him and into the bedroom.

you pulled open the drawer he had designated for you, packing the clothes into the bag.

“y/n please. i just...i was drunk and honestly once it started happening i just couldn’t think of anything else and i-”

“you’re really good at making things worse for yourself.” you say sarcastically, slamming the now empty drawer shut.

“you deserve the truth and- can you look at me please!? can we talk about this like adults!?” he shouts, making you flinch.

you sigh, flipping the last item, your hairbrush, in your hands. you tuck it into the bag, zipping it shut and throwing it back over your shoulder.

“i didn’t come here to fight with you, tom.”

“don’t...don’t do that y/n. don’t shut your emotions off from me. yell at me. be angry, baby. hit me. scream at me. throw things. just please...talk to me.”

just for a second, you wanted to. you did. you wanted to scream and yell and throw his things out his own window. but you couldn’t. tom had taken enough from you, and you weren’t about to let him take your integrity too.

“no. what do i have to be angry about? sure we may have been more than friends, but like you said, it’s not like we were together anyways. here’s your key. i hope she was worth it.”

You didn't wanna be like the boys from before Well, look at what you did, 'cause you hurt me more You didn't have to lie like the truth is a chore I guess I can't be mad 'Cause I was never yours

the lack of emotion you were displaying was concerning to those around you. you continued on with your life. you posted things you would’ve normally posted. you went out with your friends, partied, drank, had a good time. it was almost as though tom had never existed. your best friend came by almost everyday just to check on you. as did harrison and the twins. and of course, you had convinced them you were fine. you were still eating and you were just fine. nothing like the way you used to be the many other times you’d had your heart broken by the men tom promised he’d never become. but you’d convinced yourself that you weren’t allowed to be angry at anyone but yourself. you let yourself believe that there was love blossoming in infertile soil. you were never his to begin with, so who were you to be angry when he denied being yours? this went on for a few weeks. you continued living your life as though these events had no effect on you. but everyone knew better. you knew better. you were in pain, even if you didn’t want to admit it.

You had to go and ruin it So you could get a quick fuck I'm sure you had fun doing it And I won't make a big fuss But know we're off and we'll never be on again I hope that it was worth it, fucking Josslyn

tom being who he was, and your affiliation with him, meant you were bombarded with press and tweets and messages from gossip outlets trying to get the scoop on the situation. so tom’s publicist had reached out to you, a non-disclosure agreement in hand. this, this was your breaking point. you were on your couch watching the great british baking show on netflix and judging the chefs as though either of you could do any better. then the knock came to your door. you sighed, pausing your show and walking over to your door expecting to see harrison and the twins or your best friend stopping by to come and check on you as they did, but instead, you were met face to face with tom’s publicist megan.

“ummm...hi?” you say, your eyebrows furrowing as you clutched the sleeves of your sweatshirt.

“hi. can i come in?” she asks, smiling sickeningly.

“uhhh...sure.” you mumble, holding open the door for her and allowing her to step inside.

she walks straight past you and into your kitchen, seating herself at your dining room table.

“no. just make yourself right at home.” you grumble underneath your breath, locking the door behind you.

“so i’m just going to get straight to the point. i know you’re aware of all of this drama happening with you and tom and josslyn. so i thought i’d pop by and bring this over. just so we can assure that tom’s career isn’t-”

“hold on...i- i know you didn’t come by just to bring me a non disclosure agreement?” you scoffed, leaning forward on the table.

“with tom’s new films premiering, it’s imperative that he’s not derailed by any scandals.” she explains, pulling the contract out of the manilla envelope, and sliding it across the table.

you wanted to keep your cool, because you understood. you really did. but for some reason, out of everything that’d happened. this was your breaking point.

“are you fucking kidding me right now? you seriously think i’m a fucking liability? after how long since shit hit the fan for him, i still haven’t said a single fucking word. but at this point, i think i should! you’re not going to come into my house and speak to me as if i’m some fucking risk to tom’s career like he didn’t just fucking rip my heart out of my chest and throw it into the fucking garbage disposal. so you and this dumb ass contract, can get the hell out of my flat. and i swear to you, if you come back here with that shit, not only will i not sign it, but i’ll contact every fucking media outlet i could possibly think of and release an official statement on just how much of a piece of shit tom actually is. get the hell out.” you growl, and his publicist scoffs.

“i’m afraid i can’t-”

“oh you can’t? cool. then you stay right there, and i’ll call the police to have you removed from my property. how’s that for bad publicity?”

Don't wanna fight, I just never wanna talk again I hope that it was worth it, fucking Josslyn I know we weren't together but we're more than friends Said you couldn't see me while she gave you head So please, don't ever call again I hope that it was worth it, fucking Josslyn

you sat on the floor of your kitchen, drained of energy and feeling completely empty. you weren’t sure what had come over you, but you didn’t regret it. you weren’t sure how long you were sitting there, but a soft knock flooded your ears. you sighed, pushing yourself up off the ground and pulling the door open, coming face to face with tom. your breath hitched in your throat and he fidgeted awkwardly.

“i didn’t want this.” he says, and you look down at his hands, where the manilla folder was placed.

you scoffed, snatching the envelope from his hands and pulling the contract out.

“can i come in-”

“no.” you bluntly say as your eyes skimmed over the contents of the contract.

you nodded you head, pretending to skim over the fine print. you grabbed a pen from your hallway table, and you could hear him let out a sigh of relief.

“thank you y/n. i know i don’t deserve this but i-” his speech immediately stopped as he saw you scribble over the contract.

‘NO’

you smiled, handing the contract back to tom.

“i already told you. i don’t want to fight. and i don’t want to see you again. you made your bed, lie in it. i’m not signing shit. if you or your publicist show up again, i will be pressing charges, this is borderline harassment.” you deadpan, slamming the door in his face.

you bit your lower lip, looking up at your ceiling, listening to tom pleading outside your door. shouting his apologies and attempting to get you to respond.

“i don’t even care about this stupid contract y/n! i just want you! so go ahead, go to the media. tell everyone how shitty i am. i’m an idiot! is that what you want to hear!?” he shouts.

“go home, tom!” you shout, your voice cracking slightly as the tears began spilling down your cheeks.

“baby please...just open the door.” he says, leaning towards the door.

you cup your hand over you mouth in attempt to silence your cries, and he sighs. you hear him walking off and when you hear the car start, you let the sobs escape.

Can't believe I was so stupid Just another girl you ruined My friends said I shouldn't do it Should've listened, guess I blew it

shattered glass littered the floor as you continued to cry out. the months of emotions finally spilling out, and you couldn’t breathe. you tried, gasping for breath as you tugged at the roots of your hair, your cries becoming more and more panicked. you remembered your friends telling you that relationships like that never ended well. and at first, you thought they meant friends with benefits. because to the outside eye, that’s what you two seemed like. friends who sometimes liked to sleep with each other. but you could’ve sworn there was more there. you let yourself fall after having your heart broken so many times before. you so stupidly allowed yourself to hurt like this again. you let him break you. and now here you were. throwing picture frames and having a break down on your living room floor, praying that someone, anyone, could come and save you from yourself. you crawled across the ground, sobbing over the mess you’d made and attempting to pick up the pieces, shouting out when you sliced open the corner of your palm.

“y/n!?”

you didn’t bother looking up, you just continued trying to clean up the broken glass. a pair of hands grab yours and you look up, meeting harry’s soft eyes.

“i- i can’t. it’s so messy and i need it clean. i need to clean it i-”

“love, come here. it’s okay. it’s okay.” he coos, taking you into his arms.

your knees buckle underneath you and your butt hits the floor and harry pulls you onto his lap, cradling you in his arms as you sobbed.

“it hurts. i can’t do it. it hurts.” you sob, the images of you and tom flooding your head, finally coming to terms that it was over.

that he didn’t love you the way you wished he had. he didn’t love you the way you loved him.

“i know, darling. come here, let me see.” sam whispers, crouching down next to you and pulling your hand up from your lap and examining the bloody palm, harrison crouching down next to him.

harry continued running his fingers through your hair, placing gentle kisses to your hairline.

“you don’t need stitches, so let’s get this cleaned up and get you into bed, huh?” harrison smiles softly, pushing your hair off of your wet cheeks.

you hiccuped, nodding tiredly and the boys help you stand up, and harrison takes you in his arms, carrying you over the messy floor, the glass crunching underneath his shoes.

“i’m sorry.” you whimpered, and he sighs, placing you on the counter.

“you have no reason to apologize, dear. you’re going to be alright, yeah?”

you nod, but you knew, you wouldn’t be alright. not for a while.

your head was perched gently on top of harry’s shoulder. his fingers combing softly through your messy hair as the two of you stared blankly at the movie playing on your tv screen. neither of you truly paying attention to it. your head was too polluted with toxic thoughts and concerns over tom, and harry was preoccupied looking at you. his heart aching for the girl he’d let fall into the hands of the wrong man. the girl he’d loved. harrison had gone out to buy you more first aid supplies for your hands and sam was downstairs, cleaning up your living room.

“he came by today. he wanted me to sign an NDA.” you mumble, feeling harry tense beside you.

“he may be my brother, but he’s an absolute div.” he scoffs.

you shrug.

“i get it. it’s his career. but i wasn’t gonna say anything.” you sigh, and harry leans his head on top of yours.

“i know, love. i know. but don’t think about tom. he’s dumb and he doesn’t know what he’s lost. how about you get some sleep, huh?” he smiles softly, massaging your scalp in attempt to get you to fall asleep.

your eyes shut softly, as you hummed softly, allowing the relaxation to take over your body. and harry watched you fall asleep, the peaceful look replacing the melancholic one that coated your face only moments before. he thought this might’ve been his own sick and twisted version of if you love her, let her go, and if she comes back then it was meant to be. he saw how much you loved tom, and despite it killing him inside, he let you go. and he couldn’t help but think back to the conversation when you asked him if it was alright if you’d gone after tom. he can’t help but think that if he’d said what he wanted to in that moment, you wouldn’t be here, hurting. he sighed, placing his hand on your jaw and running his thumb over your tear stained cheek.

“i hope that it was worth it, tom.”

#tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #harry holland x reader #angst #harry holland imagine #x reader

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