#anxiety has nothing on me

[raineandsky]

#51

tw: blood, violence

The villain makes their getaway whilst reporters and adoring fans alike swarm the hero. They’d all waited until the villain had bolted before descending on him, uncaring to the fact that the hero was trying to pursue them. It’s in moments like these that they’re somewhat grateful for the paparazzi—at least between the less satisfying photos they manage to get of the hero beating them into the ground.

The villain dips into an alleyway when they’re sure they’re out of sight, finally letting out a pained sigh. There’s specks of blood flicked onto their clothes, but they can’t tell whether it’s theirs or the hero’s. They lean against a wall to gingerly check under their shirt, grimacing at the gash across their abdomen. It doesn’t look great.

They rip some of their poor jacket to shreds, wrapping the fabric around their middle as tight as they can manage. Their lair is on the other side of town. If they can get back and find their med kit, then they can—

“[Villain]?”

The villain drops their shirt instantly, scowling at whoever has the gall to find them in a moment of vulnerability. A young woman blocks the light at the end of the alley, her hair pulled into a professional ponytail and a pair of round glasses perched on her nose. She smiles lightly as if she hasn’t a problem in the world, though the tightness at which she’s gripping her clipboard would suggest otherwise. She’s more or less the image of perfection.

Much nicer looking than the villain right now, at least.

“Can I fucking help you?” the villain snaps, and she flinches so subtly they’re not sure they saw it.

“I was hoping I could get a chat with you,” she opens hopefully, glancing down at her clipboard. “Ask a couple of questions.”

“No.” The villain pushes away from the wall, concealing their grimace as best they can.

“[Hero] hurt you.”

Clearly it wasn’t as well-hidden as the villain was hoping. They narrow their eyes at her. “Yeah, no shit. He always does.”

They turn to make their great, slightly staggering, escape, and the civilian trots along behind them like she’s invited. “It’s unfair.”

“Life’s unfair. You’ll learn that when you reach college.”

“I’m… twenty-six. Anyways, [Villain], that chat?” She taps her clipboard with her pen hopefully.

“I already said no.”

The civilian sighs tiredly. “Look, I know you’re not usually the one giving interviews and things, but I wanna hear your side of the story. How you ended up here, how poorly the heroes handle crime, how their violence only causes more harm than good. Don’t you wanna help people understand you?”

“Mystery is my thing, thanks. You calling me by my villain name is intimate enough.”

“You got a real name?”

Shouldn’t have brought that up. “No.”

“Let me help you.” The civilian darts in front of them, blocking their grand exit from the alleyway. “I want people to like you, [Villain]. I know you don’t want people to think you’re evil forever.”

There’s a growing sticky spot under their shirt that needs to be fixed fast. They’d push her out the way if they had the strength. “It’s sweet you’re so curious about the evil scary side, but it’s not happening. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go home before I die.”

Her gaze dips to where their hand is sitting against them, and her eyes widen in horror at the sight of the crimson pooling on their clothes. “Oh, my god!” she announces. “God, sit down, right now.”

The villain tries to wave her off and get past, but she stubbornly pushes them back. “Sit,” she demands, and the villain has no choice but to surrender.

They slump down against the wall, and the civilian pulls a roll of bandages out from her bag as she squats down with them. They frown suspiciously at her preparedness. “I had a feeling [Hero] would beat you up again,” she explains once she notices their glare. “I thought I could do you a favour if you did me one.”

“Oh my god,” the villain groans dramatically.  “You’re blackmailing me?”

“That’s a mean way to put it.” She tears the bandage from the roll before dipping into her bag again. “What made you a villain, anyway?”

They can’t believe this. They can’t believe she has the gall to ask, and they can’t believe they’re about to answer.

“It started when I was a kid, really,” the villain begins slowly, and they hate that every word that’s about to come out of their mouth is true.

#creative writing #writblr #writers on tumblr #writing #writing community #heroes and villains #tw blood #tw violence #GUYS. I DID SOMETHING INSANE #i made a phone call #can you BELIEVE #anxiety has nothing on me #i only tripped over my words. seven times. maybe more

[ensigntilly]

culmets officially confirmed to be married in star trek discovery s5 i just collapsed onto the floor

#my post #star trek discovery #star trek discovery spoilers #culmets #i knowww it was vaguely hinted at in s2 but i wanted something more concrete #its actually embarrassing how happy this has made me likeeee i had to pause the episode to process #I've waited 7 years to hear anthony rapp say one fucking line and now i can die happy #anyway unfortunately i have to pause watching the rest of the episode to go write my dissertation lmao #i got like 30 minutes into the episode before the academic anxiety of doing Nothing hit me

[deoidesign]

.

#ok finally making a post about meds #I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without' #I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk. #can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset #so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but #it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways #so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone #like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work... #for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well! #it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus #my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night #sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired #it was more something that I just did because I had to. #but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end... #I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too. #but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted #but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk. #anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too #but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared #so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow #anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING #that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up #I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world #and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better. #but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on #and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much. #and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so... #I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better. #and I'm just crying because of all this combined. #I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!

[inexplicably-spookified]

diversity win! this witch is bi... lingual?

#anise #murasaki #my ocs #scribblins #because i feel like dumping some worldbuilding: #witches don't really 'do' sexuality the way humans do #because their cultural understanding of gender/presentation is a lot different #tldr ambiguity and neutrality is the default and the specifics of someone's gender are none of your business #unless your relationship with the person requires you to know or they trust you #to the point where even asking for someone's pronouns is considered rude (you're expected to use neutral terms by default) #and even past that they don't have a perception of binary male/female or cis vs trans #you are what you id as and whether or not that's your 'birth' sex is irrelevant (most witches are a little gender fluid anyway) #anyway all this to say is that for anise being bi (or at least the same sentiment) is like... the default in witch culture #but in human culture while it's accepted it's still not the norm #and she's aware of that but knows she doesn't quite understand the full extent of how it's viewed #(hence her anxiety at telling mura) #wow i think this is the most oc lore i've shared publicly for a long time huh #to clarify... this has nothing to do with cs it's original verse stuff #the lines between my fan ocs and my actual ocs are extremely blurred do not ask me how it works

[sunsetzer]

On one hand, I want a final fantasy 6 remake, because the game is criminally underrated and the amount of fan content (which is all absolutely fantastic btw) is Not Enough for my neurodivergent, hyperfixating brain.

On the other hand, that would inevitably encourage more people to join the fandom, which would be great, except it seems these days the bigger a fandom gets the more toxic it becomes, and I really like what we have going on over here in our little corner. We all just love the game and its characters and nobody fights about who should and shouldn't date who or who you shouldn't like because they're ~problematique~. Nobody's trying to make one ship morally better than another, nobody's calling anyone names or threatening to doxx people who don't agree with their opinions. It's so peaceful and I love that for us. We're just vibing. Moisturized. Unbothered. In our lane. Flourishing.

#as someone who was in an extremely toxic and chaotic fandom and lowkey still traumatized #to the point where I'm afraid to mention which fandom it was/what my ship was #i have to say #i genuinely love it here #i was nervous at first sharing my ships and headcanons but everyone is so chill i was worried for nothing #thank you to everyone I've interacted with who has made this fandom a healing experience for me #i shudder to think about what some of the people i interacted with in a previous fandom would do with ff6 #probably would take edgar's flirting at face value and call him problematic for objectifying women #instead of considering the narrative and what we know about him and the way he actually treats women #my man drinks loving and respecting women juice he's not a creep #or that weird moment with relm that admittedly made me double take before i realized what he meant #theyd have a whole campaign against him lmfao #bc those people boil characters alive until they're just a formless pile of tropes and stereotypes #and seem to disregard all positive aspects of a character they don't like which is fine #but then they go and try to force other people to think like they do and ugh #theres a lot of silly moments in the game and aspects of these characters that make them well rounded and realistically flawed at times #and i fear that would get lost in the chaos if the floodgates opened after a remake #maybe im just jaded lmao #im jaded and i have anxiety so im always thinking about The Worst Case Scenario #the collective positive spirit of the dwellers in this fandom might actually foster a positive space if more people were to come in #ff6 #my post #i was gonna say maybe this is bc we're mostly adults #but that falls flat when i remember how some of the most toxic and immature people in some fandoms are grown ass adults #who bully each other and younger fans #and some of the most mature and cool people were actually younger #maybe ff6 fans are just built different lmao #also idk how old anyone else actually is there might be teenagers here i just don't think about it a lot

[ylvaisawolf]

I haven't touched QSMP in forever but someone I know irl has made me want some answers

As of right now what egg admitns do we know are gone

Or any other admins?

#qsmp eggs #qsmp #really not great timing for me as my mental health has been ehh for the last week #nothing bad! just anxiety #from what it sound like it seems like most of my favorites are leaving:/ #Edit from 4 days latre: Oh so qsmp is basically dead ok! #*later #well rip #well not really but the eggs were the main reason a lot of people watched i believe #i mean I was mostly there for the eggs even though cellbit clips were what got me to watch/try to catch up #(like his and roier engagement is what got me into qsmp and then i stayed for the eggs and him and roier and foolish

[soothedcerberus]

I made a callout for the bird that has been stuck in the building since thursday :’(

#I trapped it in one room so I can’t go to the rest of the store #It literally only has to fly through one entrance and then it’s out #And it’s a huge entrance where we get all of our deliveries #I’ve supplied it with food and water and a place to hide #I’m hoping it’ll fly out tomorrow when it sees the light from the outside #nothing gives me more anxiety when I work then having a bird trapped in the store 😔😔 #delete later #it happens way too often and I hate it

[mariemariemaria]

Does anybody else feel like mental health awareness has done very little to help them in material reality

#i was gonna say done nothing to help but that seemed too harsh #like there definitely is more knowledge about it now. maybe more people feel comfortable speaking about it which is good #but personally i don't feel that. like idk. workplaces will post about mental health awareness and then do nothing to help employees #the same w universities. my uni cut back the already meager mental health support #and then the government is doing absolutely fuck all as well #like idk im just back in a place i thought id gotten out of long ago and i still don't feel comfortable talking about it with people #maybe that's a me problem or maybe it's cultural or something idk. but in the 10 years ive been depressed (🫠) i don't think it's gotten a #whole lot better. teenagers are still dealing with the same shit i did and they're still not being taken seriously #women's mental health is not even spoken about.....anxiety depression sh eds etc are still ignored or seen as hysterical behaviour in women #or just normal esp with disordered eating. society hasn't changed people still want women to be stick thin and weak #like i know 10 years is a short time and there has been massive improvements in mh awareness if we look back over the past 50+ years #but idk i just think that it hasn't gotten better for a lot of people #i think specifically of belfast and like god. the amount of trauma there is the amount of homelessness the amount of substance abuse #drug abuse in particular that has gotten visibly worse over the past decade or so* #and i connect the dots n see the 2008 recession + a tory gov defunding the nhs + dehumanisation of homeless people & addicts + the troubles #+ ptsd + generational trauma + a negative peace + classism + paramilitary drug dealers + parties linked to those paramilitaries #and its like hmmmm i think we live in a society. and a mental health approach based on individual actions like journaling and meditation #isn't the way to go. or at least is not the be all and end all which is what a lot of mental health awareness raising seems to promote #*visibly worse on the streets. it was always a problem ofc but even a decade ago my parents never imagined it would be as bad as it is now #and it's become so normalised. i do think there's less individualism here than there seems to be elsewhere which can be good and can be bad #but i think we are becoming more and more individualistic. slowly. there's still a sense of community here but i do think it's changing #and callousness towards homeless people is one of the most obvious examples of this. #love when i put a wee asterisk in the tags of a post. like i have A Lot To Say lol

[crimeronan]

Obsessing over your AU and Luz and Amity’s lumity dynamics. How tf are these two ever going to figure out they love each other? Is it going to be gradual (aka Amity realizing she has nothing to fear and Luz isn’t a cold murdering mastermind manipulator) or something more sudden where they’re in a situation where they HAVE to face their feelings, somehow? Very curious

god it deserves a full fic. i think i answered a similar question to this a few weeks ago but cannot for the Life of me remember what i said. (bad memory disease.) if this contradicts earlier kitkat just know that i contain multitudes but i Think it would be a combination of amity getting to know luz better and realizing that she actually really really REALLY wants to cede her power. and maybe even more than that, it's amity realizing that a lot of her most neurotic hangups about luz are bc of assumptions she's made about luz and hunter's relationship -- so the realization that hunter is nowhere Near as oppressed or mistreated as amity secretly worries he might be.

like i'm a sucker for involving a third party in any awkward romance but it's especially Vital here imo, because amity doesn't trust luz's intentions and also doesn't trust her own perceptions. and yet for some godforsaken reason, the person she DOES trust is hunter. like don't get me wrong, she thinks he's plotting her downfall at all times and like 80% of the time he IS, but he's also straightforward with her in a way that basically nobody else in the castle is.

amity and hunter getting into a heated argument because hunter is righteously indignantly going "she's NEVER mistreated me, she would NEVER hurt me, what are you ON" and amity is like "well of course you think that, you're delusional" and hunter is like "fine. tell me the ways you think she's 'mistreating' me"

and then amity rattles off like a solid twelve Wildly Incorrect And Also Super Fucked Up assumptions she's made about luz and hunter's power dynamic, while hunter is like

........blight. listen. do you like.... do you need me to go, like, kill your parents-

#hunter taking her by the shoulders: you are so much crazier than me or luz ever has been and that is something i thought was impossible #amity who's almost in tears of indignant rage: THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH ME YOURE THE ONE BEING HER PETTTT #like i think those two need to get on the same page and then itll be easier for amity to relax around luz. #there will still be hurdles dont get me wrong! trust issues and secrets and miscommunication and anxiety and whatnot #but at LEAST a step up from amity warily going 'this girl wants to blackmail me and destroy my life i am meat to her' #replies #toh #shitty idiot repression gang #princess luz au #and who is that other witch #lumity #as is ofyen the case when im deliriously tired i havent reread or edited this just. take it

[furiousgoldfish]

what I thought traumatized me: Violence, Threats, living in a state of constant anxiety and terror, thread of insults and everyone agreeing I’m worthless and deserve to be punished and also asking for it

what also traumatized me but I didn’t know it did: Neglect, emotional abandonment, lack of attachment to any of my caretakers, lack of a safe caretaker to be able to attach to, lack of acceptance, lack of community, lack of positive touch, lack of acknowledgement, encouragement and attention, people around me being treated differently without an obvious reason, social isolation, lack of clarity, withheld knowledge,  inflicted guilt and shame for not knowing, blame for the abuse, being denied my own vulnerability and helplessness, being held responsible for the abuser’s feelings and actions, gaslighting, lack of love, being completely ignored while in great amounts of pain, lack of continuity, lack of clear and easily followed rules, lack of resources, being alone in developing traumatic disorders, lack of protection, being forced to feel unlovable and disgusting from how my environment was treating me, lack of parental love, lack of family, lack of justice, lack of conversation, emotional pulls on my compassion and care, lack of anything I could count on, nobody being on my side, being forced to see myself only thru the abuser’s perspective, not having access to knowledge of human rights or any kind of protection I was entitled to, being exposed to toxic culture of victim-blaming and abuser-defending, emotional manipulation that planted catastrophizing as sabotage in my head, being smear campaigned, society turning their back on me and letting me figure it out all on my own.

#trauma #child abuse #abusive parents #toxic parents #neglect #emotional abuse #psychological abuse #damaged psyche #starved of everything human needs to develop #of course one would develop anxiety and fear of society #but i mostly didn't realize how much neglect has hurt me #nobody looking at me with concern or wondering how was i doing #how i was coping with all that violence #how was i surviving it #if i needed help getting thru #if i needed help being told that i'm not that bad and i don't deserve it #that is what buried me #if i had one ally #it would have been different #but there was nothing and nobody #just me and my dissociative disorder

[blackwoolncrown]

PSA:

If you get a dog, you should crate train it.

If you don't want to crate train your puppy bc it 'makes them sad', you are missing an opportunity to raise them up without anxiety.

if you have a dog, you should find out and know what it actively does when you're not there- not just when you leave, but when you're not there. 20. 30. 60 minutes after.

Why?

Because separation anxiety feels horrible for dogs, and sounds horrible to your neighbors. If your dog has separation anxiety, it is your responsibility as your caretaker to do everything you can to ameliorate this condition.

#currently having to look at buying a sonic anti bark device #bc my nighbors dog barks ALL DAY for HOURS into the night when she leaves the house #and half the time she leaves it on a walled patio #which for some reason makes it bark more and also amplifies the bark #the dog clearly has miserable separation anxiety and afaik she's doing....nothing abt it. #guess what my job is? .... #to take calls and meetings with ppl who pay me to talk to or meditate with them #kind of hard to do that while there is a panicked dog in the background!!!!! #FOR 6-8 hours a DAY!!

[strawberrystepmom]

mind has rotated to kakashi today and all i can think about is how resistant he is to you doing things for him until he figures out you’re doing them bc you care for him and want to alleviate his stress rather than trying to yank control of his life from him

#I have always hc’d kakashi has having anxiety rooted control issues (just like me fr!!!!) and as exhilarating as falling in love would be #for him there’s also the terror of: how do I share myself with someone else how do I relinquish my fine tooth comb #bc I know he’s nothing if not structured and disciplined and self sufficient so giving that up feels like too much at first #but you make him dinner with a smile you fold his clothes and hang them out to dry #you fold the edges of his comforter just how he likes bc you know it’s comfortable to him not bc you have to

[tenrose]

I hate living in this world.

#misc #negativity tw #first off i had an argument with a colleague at work #we had to move places for the millionth time in this stupid open space #which already annoyed me #but this guy came at bargained like he always do while i said nothing because it's not like we chooae #and he always does that for actual work because and idk at first i made a snarky comment about now that he got what he wanted he better be #ready to work instead of hiding when somebody ask him to do his job #and he told me he didn't understand the remark #and my hot temper that makes me snap every five years took over #i bet he has by now complaining aboutme like he does about everything #anyway i take hours to calm down (not calm after 4 hours) #I'm also pissed at me cause i can't get emotional without shaking stupidly which makes me look like an hysterical person (i mean sadly i am) #also if there has to have an explanation once my anger is gone tomorrow i will be back on social anxiety mode which is gonna make it worse #all of this reminded me that i need to find a new job for ten thousand reasons #but unfortunately all employers are shit and actually i don't even know what i want to do #and as usual i have no energy for anything because i am still a major piece of shit #then i wanted to relax #made the mistake to open Instagram because I'm also stupid #and i know i don't often talk about politics and stuff #but it's really draining me #i barely or read news just enough to be aware #and honestly its exhausting but I dont want to complain cause Im in a privileged position where i have the chance to be able to 'shut off' #and yes my country and especially this government is sickening me #and like its people too #and also insta is full of pride posts #and i am stupid to read the homophobic and transphobic comments #and genuinely these people alongside racist and islamophobic people really scare the hell out of me #hopefully i don't engage but i shouldn't read anything at all tbh #speaking of pride im spiralling because even tho i kinda identify as aro i feel like a freak and i have nobody to tell me im not

[cephalonheadquarters]

im in such an oc mood right now(always)my heart is full of love

#and going really fast cause im so excited about nothing and its so uncomfortable it has to stop.But im happy i loveeeeeee ocsi lov e my fish #cant tell if theres anxiety happeninf at the same time though 🤓it all feels the same to me #perchance

[da-proti-toku-grem]

why can't anyone understand that everyone is different and not everyone likes the same things and that it's completely okay AND normal for someone not to like going out and preferring to stay at home :/

#honestly i understand that my parents care about me and they don't want me to be feeling bad #and that they ask me bc they just want to make sure i'm okay #but i've explained to them what i feel like and they just don't get and i get mad but i akso know it's not their fault and just... oughhhhh #like yeah i have a weird kind of social anxiety according to my therapist and even she doesn't know exactly how to help me yet #but there are just so many reasons behind why i don't like going out and it's not just bc it gives me anxiety #or why those situations give me anxiety in the forst place #1. i'm just a very introverted person that doesn't like going out #2. crowded places/closed spaces/places where there's not enough ventilation/loud places (be it people talking or just music) overwhelme me #3. all said in 2 + flashing lights give me huge migraines that can linger for over 3 days #4. i am very much a night owl and i'm forced to live in a society where that isn't fucking acceptable apparently and i'm called lazy for - #- not being productive in the morning when the only reason behind it is that i am a lot more productive at night #but no one ket's me do that bc 'why are you doing stuff when you're supposed to be asleep?' #i have been the same since i was little. literally nothing has changed #and people where always like 'oh she's just shy' #but idk wtf changed #maybe it was that i became and 'adult' or maybe the fact that i started therapy and they told my parents that i have social anxiety. idk #but suddenly every single person in my family is worried about it and they're genuinely making me feel like there's smth wrong about me #i mean. i have my problems i'm not gonna go telling you that i'm perfect bc i'm pretty much not #but is there really smth that wrong with me that i need to fix #or is society just a bitch that doesn't understand that there's different kinds of people and everyone is different & IT'S COMPLETELY OKAY #have they ever thought about the fact that maybe these situations cause me anxiety bc i've been forced all my life to do them #even if i don't like them #instead of thinking that i don't like them BC they cause me anxiety?? #i mean. i know i have to go out more and that there's tons of things i can do ofc #but you can't just force me to do things i don't want to and put on a good face while doing it *every.fucking.day* #aaaaand i could add a lot more things but i'm once again reaching the tag limit so i shoukd just shut up #it's just driving me crazy bc i know they're trying to help but it really is not helping at all............. #ranting

[ineed-to-sleep]

Just as a general life update bc I'm a bit absent lately, but I went on a date on sunday!!! First date with a stranger I ever went to and I nearly died of anxiety I was shaking like a chihuahua but I did it!!!!!!!! LOOK AT ME GO

#ok he wasn't a total stranger I'd talked to him for a few days prior on tinder #but I'd never even seen him before so it was v scary!! I had no idea what he'd be like irl #but it was very nice and he actually seemed more nervous than me fjcjkvkf which I didn't think would be the case but well #that's the way it was #it went super well like we got along really well #talking face to face was way better than through text #and we kissed!! I really went in expecting nothing and got a few smooches out of it would you look at that #plus he's bi and has adhd too so it was like bi to bi communication clown to clown communication yk how it is #honestly after this I'm never getting involved with a heterosexual man again. only bi men understand me #he was NICE he was POLITE he was interested in what I had to say he was respectful he was cute he appreciated my masculinity AND. #he smelled good #a cishet man could never #sleep.txt #anyway sorry for the gushing rant djfkkckv in conclusion I just wanted to say that #I realized that pushing through the anxiety pays off(as opposed to trying to like. 'fix it' first) #and getting involved w queer ppl as a queer person can really pay off too #ofc there's situations where it might not go well but when it does. then it really does