#and rin makes me have unspeakable thoughts.....

[apneusance]

i am not okay......

#kuya looks so soft......... #and rin makes me have unspeakable thoughts..... #(jk i did in fact speak them into the twitter void) #nukani

[fallingskiesandrisingseas]

Still not over the Poppy War because how could I?

First it is 'you need to succeed academically or be subjected to a life of misery in a forced marriage'. Then it's 'you're worse than everyone else because you are from the South where people are stupid and you talk weird and you have no inherited arts and you're poor.' When that's finally over and Rin is getting used to being at Sinegard, when she's getting used to being taught by Ziya and enjoying being a shaman Sinegard gets attacked, her friends murdered, Nezha crippled. 'Oh by the way you are also the only other survivor of a genocide on a martial race, the only other guy is your commander'.

Before the war is well underway she gets to deal with the massacre of Golan Niis, a traumatized Kitay. 'Yeah there were sex slaves, they were seen as less than human , we threw babies into boiling cauldrons'. 'Oh yeah we are also experimenting on the poor martial special savage southeners to learn the source of their heavenly powers'

Then it's 'the only other Speerly dies, we will call you The Last Speerly as the sole survivor of your race' and immediately after it's 'trauma and the desire to win the war and protect your people will make you do unspeakable things, even commit genocide yourself.'

Second book is a liiiitle easier, but not much, because 'you are getting so addicted to opium to deal with the effects of having to call the fire that you cannot fight anymore' , 'the source of your strenght is your friend, without whom you will not be special' are very close together. Then it's 'foreign people are trying to invade your lands because they deem you inferior' and 'a scientist is abusing you solely because they can, because she doesn't see you as human. Then there is a whole ass war, just before 'you are betrayed by the ones that mean the most to you, like literally a blade in your back' and 'you are now disabled, missing the hand of your swordarm'

And then the grande finale, of course. 'Civil war against former ally' and 'Trifecta coming back to life, my teacher being a war criminal' immediately into 'the scariest one of them trying to kill me the second he wakes up, just like he did with the rest of my people'. Then that war drags on, including 'Cold marches that kill half my army' and 'going back to South to fight with the people whose roots are yours as well' and 'subjecting people to the trauma you went through yourself just to win the war'. Couple that with 'large famine and banditery terrorizing the countryside' and 'large refugee crisis' and 'i don't recognize my family anymore'. When you think it's all over you're hit with the 'no one here trusts me' and 'I thought this person was betraying me but she took an arrow to the head for me', just before 'I need to kill myself for the greater good' and 'my friend does not want to live on without me.' To top it off we need 'oppressors will try to erase us, and we need them so badly we will let them try' and 'Nezha is all alone in the world'

O and you find out as well 'he loved her but betrayed her' and 'duty trumps romance'

Man, look at that list. No wonder I was devastated after that, it's just blow after blow after blow.

#poppy war #yin nezha #fang runin #chen kitay #the dragon republic #the drowning faith #the burning god

[allgather]

@chidoried asked me: tell me all about minato's disillusionment with the shinobi system after all his team’s deaths.

minato is already grasping at straws to carry on after obito and rin, to get up in the morning and take on the role of teacher and hokage. but he stays in the village, stays as hokage to be there for kakashi. he lives for a hope for the future that kakashi & kushina & the family he wants to make together with her. he can live on that hope. as long as he can protect kakashi, he can survive. barely, he is suffering, weighed down by unspeakable grief and loss, but he has a child he vowed to look out for who still needs him.

but if he lost kakashi. oh my god, he already failed him so much. he had one thing he needed to do and he couldn’t keep him safe, couldn’t keep him from losing the boy to his grief, from taking unnecessary risks. and then he’s dead and this team that made up his identity, that gave him hope for the future, made him want to be a better hokage, to make this world better, the kids who would be his legacy, who were the best parts of him. all three are gone. it was his job to protect them and he failed for utterly. it tears him apart, it eats him alive.

and the village feels cold. kushina has always been an outsider and minato worked so hard to be hokage, to hopefully change things, to make her accepted and to keep his children safe. but the children still die. he’s still so powerless. the most powerful shinobi in the leaf, in charge of the village, and it doesn’t mean a fucking thing.

and if he doesn’t break and leave with kushina prior to naruto’s birth (because minato and kushina can’t stomach the thought of raising a boy just for him to be as outcasted and hated as his mother or like animals for slaughter to die in the line of duty like the siblings he’ll never know), he would DEFINITELY defects after the ninetails and kushina’s death. he’d have given up the post of hokage long before, right after kakashi, his final student’s, death. then he leaves because he can’t let this happen to his child, this one last chance he allows himself. he can’t. not again.

he’s already been too complacent, too powerless for too long. sitting there with the hokage’s hat like it meant something. he’s lost everything, including kushina, if they had waited until after the ninetails. he has no one else to care for, no one more to protect but Naruto, and the most loving act he can think of is to take him and run. to get out. a life on the run is dangerous, but it’s more conscionable than allowing his son to be raised to die in war. he resents the time he spent stationary in grief. he regrets what he allowed to happen on his watch. he goes and he leaves a slash across his stone face. a warning, a statement: he’ll be back for the others, the living (for their very lives) and the dead (for their violent legacies, upheld by the power hungry and the cruel).

this is all he knows how to do to honour their legacies: obito, rin, kakashi, and kushina. to destroy this system that condemned them to death. to raise a child in their memory, whose future will be happy, safe, and free.

#(minato) #obsessed w the idea that minato Wake Up and realizes his failures are compounded by the system and he stands up snd is no longer complacent

[strawbearisamu]

cooking disasters 

❀ timeskip! miya osamu, suna rintarō, kita shinsuke, x gn! reader

Hi babes! Can I request one where Osamu, Suna and Kita have a s/o who loves, loves eating but can't cook to save her life? Can't wait for your magnificent hands (mind?) to 'cook' (hehe) smth up <33333

note: requested by @notsochillnerd — here! this was a little rushed but i hope you like it!! <3

miya osamu

samu remembers it all, the smoke, the fire, you. his precious kitchen set ablaze. atsumu was convinced for a while that you were sent by some menace of an organisation to deprive him of onigiri and jeopardise the mbsy black jackals. of course he was only met with samu’s eye roll.

“samu, please,” you begged, voice slightly muffled, arms wrapped around your boyfriend’s waist, face smushed into his chest.

“babe... we’ve been through this, can’t have ya tryna to commit arson at onigiri miya again alright?” grey eyes meeting yours as he reached down, cupping your face.

“you’re so dramatic, i was only trying to reheat them for you, i didn’t know the microwave was capable of that...” you grumbled, pouting. “please?” and since his resolve was practically non-existent when it came to you, he only sighed and nodded.

cooking with you was an….experience. you always seemed to know how to induce the greatest amount of stress and panic in the shortest amount of time, leaving you alone for two seconds meant taking 10 years off of his life. and every time samu looked back to check up on you, he would count one less onigiri.

“samu, why does yours look so different? they were made using the same ingredients….” you whined, “teach me again?” you asked a little too eagerly. “here,” he chuckled, caging you against the counter, arms on either side, his breath tickling your hair a little, his calloused palms on your hands contrasted with his gentle touch as he guided your hands in his, molding the onigiri.

samu only stares at you with a knowing smirk as you scarf down the food-he- you guys made, the purest look of joy on your face as you devoured each bite.

“that good huh?” he asked and you nodded furiously in response. he chuckles squishing your cheeks in his palms, “hold still,” he said, kissing the stray piece of rice off your nose as your eyes widened a little before pouting, your index gesturing at your lips as though saying “here too.” and he happily obliges, smiling as he reaches in for a soft kiss.

suna rintarō

suna had actually been duped by you because you told him you loved food and you had a huge "passion" for cooking, so naturally he assumed you would be good at cooking. the first time he tried your food, bless him, he almost broke up with you because he literally thought you were trying to poison him.

he comes home to hear the clanging of pans and pots in the kitchen and almost instantly whips out his phone to order takeout. just in case you don’t make enough of course <3.

although a few hours later it’s you who’s devouring all of the takeout. shrinking a little under his gaze,, timidly reaching over for more.

“just take it all,” he sighed, pushing the takeout box towards you. “really?” your eyes lighting up as he nodded in response.

his green eyes are trained on you as practically inhale everything, he doesn’t even notice himself smiling along with you as you beamed in utter delight. finally letting a satisfied burp, “oh i’m stuffed,” you huffed only now noticing his green eyes that continued boring into yours, you let out an innocent, “what?”

“you’re so spoiled,” he said, pinching your cheek, “stop grinning like that, it's not a compliment, yn,” he frowned.

“close your eyes,” he ordered. “why?” “just do it,” and suna gets real close, his face inches away from yours, as you kept your eyes shut, swallowing in anticipation., “what are you doing babe? it’s done,” he says smirking at you as he wiped away the little spots of sauce that landed on your eyelids

“you’re so mean rin,” you said glaring at him. “i don’t know what you mean,” he shrugged, a mischievous glint in his eye as he pulled you towards him, stealing a few kisses, “happy now?”

kita shinsuke

this man is so patient. he smiles through it all. somehow convincing himself your food is not all inedible, giving you weak nods as you look at him with expectant eyes.

kita loves you more than anything in the world, but you have to understand, a part of him dies when he sees the unspeakable things you do to the precious rice he so painstakingly cultivated, grown and harvested.

and that’s why kita elected to spend one of the very few rest days he got teaching you how to prepare rice and rice dishes.

“shin, does this go here?” you asked as he placed a calloused palm on your forearm, his warmth guiding you towards the pot. your cooking session goes surprisingly smooth with you only burning one dish.

when it’s time to eat he gives you all the bigger pieces, eating alongside you, watching intently as the look of pure joy on your face blossoms with every bite. mr. rice even carries you back to bed after you get knocked out from your food coma.

sol’s comments ❀ — omg kita’s is so short sry cuties, it was getting repetitive T.T also sorry for the long break, i just couldn't write anything good :(( used to cry about it but now i just take a break so at least there’s progress hehe. im a big girl now HAGHS 🥴 <33

m.list ·˚ ༘ ꒱ | reblops are appreciated ☻ (free hugs ?! :O)

#sweet by sol 💗 #i made something — sol ⋆·˚ ༘ * #miya osamu x reader #osamu fluff #osamu x reader #kita fluff #kita x reader #suna fluff #suna x reader #kita shinsuke x reader #suna rintaro x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #hq x reader #hq fluff #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu drabbles

[inarizakibabe]

Beginning

After weeks of testing and studying hard you finally made it into class four. Now time to make friends with your classmates and shoot up the ranks into popularity. Swallowing your nervousness you approached a group of people to introduce yourself.

"Good morning. I'm (l/n)(f/n) it's nice to meet you all." you gave them the biggest smile you could muster.

The group acknowledged your presence then continued their previous conversation ignoring you. After a few minutes you decided they'd be a lost cause and moved onto a different group. After successfully managing to make no friends you cut your losses and took a seat.

"Well that went well." a voice beside you said.

"Oh shut up. I don't see you trying to make friends." you replied irritated.

"Nah too much work. I have a team full of people to tolerate already."

"Wait why are you even here?" you asked the boy beside you.

"Rude. This is my class if you must know." he said annoyed.

"Hold on. You? Suna Rintaro? Class four? Is the world ending?" you asked apprehensively.

Suna grunted and ignored you. Slowly a smirk formed on your face, "Your mom threatened to come see you again didn't she?"

"You're in my business princess. Don't do that." Suna booped your nose.

You stuck your tongue out at him right as the teacher walked in to start homeroom.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Half the day and three periods later it was that weird period right before lunch and Suna's attention span couldn't keep up any longer. At this point you were taking notes for Suna to steal later when he could be bothered to write them down. The clock on the wall showed there were five minutes left until lunch so you decided to zone out.

Your thoughts ranged from getting homework on the first day of school to what you might be having for dinner tonight. Eventually they strayed to the boy napping beside you. You two had been friends for a long time. You met your second year of elementary school when Suna thought it would be funny to see how hard he could tug on your pigtail. After filling his shoes with sand you two became inseparable. Years later in your last year of junior high Suna was scouted by the coach of the Inarizaki High volleyball boys club in Hyogo. It was a great opportunity for him but it meant you guys would be separated. Unfortunately the club you joined didn't have a way for you to be recruited and even though your grades were good they weren't good enough for your parents to pack up and move all the way to Hyogo.

For your entire last year of junior high you mentally prepared to say goodbye to Suna until your mom's job decided to transfer her to Hyogo. Eventually your family moved to Hyogo, with a promise to the Sunas to take care of their eldest son, and thus your high school story began only it's not going the way you hoped. Suna was still your only friend and it seemed all your classmates knew each other since junior high leaving no room for you to shoot through the ranks. The bell rang interrupting your thoughts and your teacher dismissed your class to lunch.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After a boring lunch period your next class felt like it dragged on. So far your dream to take over high school seemed more and more impossible to achieve. Maybe if you joined the right club some magic might just happen. The big question now was which club would you join. You were a woman of many talents but none great enough to make you the star of a club. Cooking club would give you the chance to perfect your recipes but cooking wasn't something you enjoyed to do. Maybe one of the sports clubs? Definitely not. Was there anything else to do?

Before long the school day ended and it was time to either head to your club's first meeting or go home. You turned to ask Suna if he wanted to stop at the convenience store before going home until you saw him loosening his tie. Right the volleyball club had its first meeting today so you'd have to go home alone today.

"Don't look so disappointed. I'll save all my homework for you to do." Suna said looking at you.

"Whatever Rintaro! What do I have to be disappointed about?!" you huffed and picked up your bag to leave.

"Don't get lost on the way home." Suna chuckled and watched you leave before leaving for the gym.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Stupid Rin. I got lost one time. And what the hell would I be disappointed about? If anything he should be disappointed he won't have company to walk home with later today. I should go to bed before he gets home too." You grumbled while trying to find the school's gate. "Maybe it's in the other direction. Man this school is huge."

Up ahead you saw a guy with brown hair going in the opposite direction. Maybe he knows the way out of this school.

"Excuse me? Do you know which way the gate is?"

The boy stopped and at looked at you funny. "Keep going straight and you'll see it."

"Thank you." you bowed and continued going in the direction he told you. After taking ten steps you stopped and gaped at who was in front of you. The exact same guy was walking towards you again. You looked behind you quickly but the guy from before had disappeared already. Was it a daydream or did you finally lose it?

"Something wrong?" The guy stopped in front of you. "Are you lost or something?"

"I'm sorry but didn't you just tell me how to find the gate less than a minute ago?" you asked.

The guy in front of you looked confused until a look of understanding crossed his face. "I doubt it was me but keep going straight and you'll find the gate."

You thanked the guy once again at least you think it's the second time and finally made it to the gate to leave for the day.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* The next day in class you remembered the run in you had after school the previous day and turned to ask Suna about it.

"Hey Rin this may sound crazy but I got directions from the guy twice yesterday."

Suna pouted trying to figure out what you were talking about. "You asked the guy to repeat himself?"

"No he helped me then I walked away and all of a sudden he was in front of me again and gave me directions again." you explained.

"So he chased you? Wow the year just began and you already got a guy to fall for you. Nice work (y/n)-chan. What do you plan to do with this new found information?" Suna asked with amusement in his voice.

"You are the worst human to walk this planet I swear. I'm serious. Maybe I accidentally walked in on someone's prank or something. I hope it wasn't recorded." you huffed.

Suna shrugged and checked his phone for new notifications, "Who knows. Maybe that was your ticket to popularity you were looking for. Did you pick a club yet or are you gonna let our homeroom teacher do that?"

"I don't wanna think about clubs right now. I can't think of one I wanna join. Help me find one. Please?" you put on your best puppy eyes and begged. Maybe for once he'll take mercy on you.

"Why should I? Just join the music club. You did it in Jr. high. I'm sure you can survive three more years." Suna said not looking at you.

"I would prefer if I didn't have to go through all of that again. I expected music club to be about music not how much spit I could clean out of a tuba." you shuddered remembering the unspeakable things you went through in music club.

"Don't do this to me (n/n). The stories were the highlight of my day. You gotta do it again for the fate of mankind." Suna gave you the saddest look he could produce before he laughed at how ridiculous he thought he looked. "Anime joke. I don't know what to tell you princess. I haven't picked a club since we left elementary. Why don't you see if one of the sports clubs needs a manager."

"Rin you're a genius! Does the volleyball club need a manger? I promise I won't screw up."

Suna stared at you with a deadpan expression and sighed. "Remember when I went to visit family one summer break and asked you to watch Bubbles? I came back and we all attended a fishy funeral that same day. Or when I asked you to pick up Asami because I couldn't and I came home to my parents yelling at me because she called them crying cause nii-san forgot her? I could go on but I think you get the picture. I don't trust your promises anymore."

"Yeah but Bubbles was a special case. Who knew he'd eat until he burst if I put all the food in the tank? He was suppose to eat it little by little. And I apologized to you and your that entire year and you guys forgave me. Bottom line is I was young and dumb, now I'm a high school student and I've learned a lot in my fifteen years of life. Just talk to the coach and see what he says. I could probably really help you guys."

Suna sighed for the umpteenth time and ran a hand through his bangs. "It's not really the coaches I'm worried about. I met some of our upperclassmen and some of the third years are kinda intense."

You frowned at his tone and tried to think of what they could've done to him. "i'm sure they're not as bad as you're making them sound. Maybe you need to look at them from a different angle."

"I doubt it. There were two first years that made me question my sanity. If they weren't fighting they played really well together. There was one other first year that could already do jump serves. The entire team is pretty good. Looks like it's gonna be an interesting year for volleyball. I hope I get to play in some official matches." As the last sentence left his lips Suna's eyes widened and he turned to look at you so quickly you almost thought he'd get whiplash. "You didn't hear that."

"Oh that's what the problem is. I'm sure you'll get to play in some matches and if you don't then there's no way the team is going to nationals." you smiled at him.

Before Suna could respond the bell rang signaling lunch was finished.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*

At the end of the day you followed Suna to the gym.

"Remember it's not a guarantee. We don't have a manager and Coach Oomi does what you would do." Suna reminded you when you were almost at the gym. "Talk to coach Kurosu he's the head coach and old enough to be our father so if you ware him down enough you might just get the position."

"Alright. I can definitely do this." You sounded more confident than you felt but there was no turning back now.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Hello sorry it took so long for this part to be uploaded but it's here now. Hopefully you enjoyed this and the next chapter comes out sooner than this one did. Until then don't hesitate to let me know what you think or if you just wanna say hi I don't bite I promise.

#inarizaki #inarizaki x reader #suna rintaro #inarizaki manager #haikyuu!! #haikyu x reader #haikyuu x reader

[sneezefiction]

with every step

Ushijima x reader - scenario

event request: “could I have 2 + Ushijima”

a/n: “dance with me” + Ushijima took me a while to figure out, but i fell in love with him even more as i wrote it all out. alice (and other Ushijima lovers), i hope you enjoy this short, fluffy Ushi fic :,,,) <3

warnings: none

wc: 870

---

It’s hard to pinpoint when it all began.

It seems like you’ve always been spinning together in refined circles, your shoes gliding gracefully across the floor. Ushijima’s hand always found itself on the small of your back, leading and guiding your movements. It was all a dance against gravity, lead by the stoic, brown-haired boy.

It took place in banquet halls under the guise of low-flowing, classical music. On concrete driveways under twinkling starry-skies, where only the muted song of a quiet breath and your sleepy hums could be heard. After an important volleyball game, sweaty arms making their way to your waist, swaying you mildly back-and-forth with undertones of triumph and sweet smiles highlighted in Ushijima’s little dance.

You can only assume that the dancing began over time after receiving certain looks or queues.

Sometimes it was the way his olive-toned eyes drew you in. The soothing color seems to douse you in a new-found refreshment, washing over you day-by-day. Ushijima has an unspeakably peaceful effect on you, especially under his watchful gaze. It always managed to pull your body close to his, creating music of its own.

It may be the gentle touch of his strong fingers, brushing softly against your satin skin, holding your waist firmly while you give yourself over to his protective hold. You know he’s strong enough to lift you up off your feet, yet Ushijima’s calloused fingers remain delicate and relaxed on your frame.

Other times, it’s the way he pulls you aside in public for the sole purpose of reminding himself that you’re here with him, holding his hand, standing by his side. Whether it was shining brilliantly outside or downtown streetlamps were lighting up sidewalks, he would still manage to twirl you around. He needed to feel you on his skin, closer than his own shadow.

It’s in the all-encompassing, all-knowing look that Ushijima gets when he finally sighs a breath of relief, letting go of his day. Releasing himself from the pain and agony of always being “perfect” or at least being better than yesterday. On those days, you would take the lead on a short, dining room dance, letting him put some of his weight onto your shoulders.

But no matter what motivates your little waltzing sessions, it’s just you and him floating in your own space. Unbothered by the atmosphere around you. Ignoring any weird stares from strangers or funny comments from friends.

With every step, you understand him better. How your head tucks under his chin, temple resting on his chest, feeling each and every breathe flow in and out of his strong body. 

You feel yourself absorbing his unspoken beliefs and emotion. You gaze into his past. Into his family struggles. How he’s felt unknown and unseen for the majority of his life, whether or not a magazine spoke his name or a camera caught his face. The decisions that were made for him, instead of by him. The highs and lows of going into volleyball as a profession. The moments of grief he experienced when relationships or skills weren’t developing the way he wished they would.

You can see all of it in his eyes. In the solemn, serious shift of his hands. Through the tears that sometimes silently slipped out of his eyes when he thought you wouldn’t notice.

And if you’re being honest, sometimes it’s the closest you can get to knowing Ushijima. The nearest you get to him revealing his everything to you. 

But it’s okay. 

Because as he turns you round and round, you sometimes catch little whispers and trails of sentences. Small “I love you’s.” Little lyrics of speculation that he allows to spill out and over your head. How his fingers twist or tug at your hair when he’s lost in a glowing galaxy of thought.

It’s in that one little touch, every swaying movement, the little taps of shoes on the flooring beneath you. It all speaks 1000 times louder than any word. 

You being there for him is beyond being some simple comfort. To Ushijima, it’s true safety. You drench every inch of his being in a blanket of tranquility, claiming him as your own when nobody else would. These little dances serve as a reminder that you’ve given yourself into his care. That you see him for who he is, with or without a reaffirming vocalization. In the sullenest of moments and the darkest of nights.

And the way he holds you securely is more than enough to satisfy you for an eternity. He cascades over your body, folding his arms around you like unfinished origami. His touches are artistic, thoughtful, and fragile. Always changing and molding into something new... 

But you believe that the finished product will be beautiful.

Deep down, you know that a brief waltz, a clumsy, short-stepped routine just happens to be enough to glue the two of you together. Without a hint of hesitance, you can claim that, as much as you love leaning into his touch and feeling the rhythm of music flow beneath your feet, Ushijima loves it just as much.

And this stays true throughout every season; as leaves fall, golden or not, and pleasant, purple flowers spring from icy grounds… you’ll dance with him. In the most literal and metaphorical senses, you’ll float and twirl and fall with him through it all.

---

tags: @cherryonigiri, @yams046 , @miss-rin, @shou-kunn, @senkuwu-chan, @super-noya, @stcrryskies, @holaaaf, @sugacookiies, @vintgicals

(comment or send an ask to be added to my general tag list) 

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu #ushijima x reader #ushijima wakatoshi #ushijima #ushijima scenarios #ushijima imagine #ushijima headcanons #ushijima fluff #hq #hq x reader #hq scenarios #hq imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu imagines #600 follower event #haikyuucreations #sneezefiction

[willowdrabbles]

Little bird no more chap 5

I LIIIIIIIVE! Somewhat. This chapter was a struggle bus for sure, that and work going hectic. But here we are! I hope you all enjoy, please leave reviews they always help!

(on a side note, yes I know lord fluffy's tail didn't appear in my description, I thought I added that with the final edit but I guess I missed it. Sorryyyyyy)

Chapter 5: Dive bomb

Word count: 5727

Rating: M per usual

Kagome contentedly sighed as the cool breeze pushed her hair back from her face. The first two weeks back on the grind for the jewels had gone incredibly quiet, which of course had its downside as well. Quiet travels meant they also had not fought with demons, which meant they had not located a jewel shard, which left a very disgruntled half demon in their midst.

For her however, she found it much easier to get her training in with Miroku, Sango, and Sesshomaru to progress faster.

Miroku aided her in her meditation, which she appreciated immensely. When put to a proper task, Miroku was dutiful and mindful of his usually wandering hands. With his instruction, he managed to teach her how to form barriers. The tricky part, was the massive weight of her powers. According to Miroku, his powers were funneled through his staff and sutras as he used them. And, though he admitted shyly, his legs when he ran. Kagome had always thought he was fast, but she never thought to ask how.

Forming barriers on her own was slightly trickier. With such overwhelming power, she was capable of forming barriers like Kikyo did. But without the capability by himself, Miroku could only do so much in instruction. But he tried, and with his efforts she was slowly growing.

Sango, for all her talents, struggled a bit more in instruction. She had grown up in a village of slayers, children watched their parents and siblings fight from a young age, and mimicked their training for fun. Teaching someone from scratch was much harder than she had expected. Especially with her exponential strength. Something she was also unaware of up until recently.

Kagome bit her lip to keep from laughing at the memory.

"Where did that bruise come from Kagome?" Sango asked curiously as Kagome kicked her feet in the hot spring water, perched on top of a rock to get some cool air from the heat.

Kagome looked at the large bruise that covered half of her thigh, black and blue in color, just barely starting to yellow at the edges. Then she returned her gaze to Sango with a completely baffled expression. "You!" She exclaimed, surprised Sango didn't remember the hard kick she landed the other day during sparring.

"What?" Sango blinked at her, her already red cheeks turning darker.

"Sango do you realize how much stronger you've gotten?" Kagome gaped at her. IT was hard to imagine she didn't.

When they all started travelling together she recalled how much smaller Sango was, her wide eyes and slim frame. How when she fought she held her own, but how the force of catching her Hiraikotsu would drag her body back, how she had to use her whole weight to make a decent throw. Now however, the slayer was a force of nature. She could her weapon one handed, mid air, without faltering. And chuck that thing furhter than ever as well.

"I guess I just never thought about it." Sango muttered, fingering her chin as she thought. Kagome erupted into laughter at her confusion.

That was all fine of course, she admired Sango precisely for her strength and amazing abilities, any help she was willing to offer Kagome accepted. Just the same could be said of Sesshomaru, who wisely instructed her in sword and archery forms. And gave his carefully constructed opinions on her capabilities of her powers and to what extent she may use them one day.

The first few days were filled with begrudging bickering over her leaving for any amount of time alone with Sesshomaru, which eventually Inuyasha caved and allowed her to go without a word to save his back from any more sit commands.

One particular day however was stuck in her head, rather than just taking her into the forest for training, Sesshomaru instead brought her to a rather large and polite tree demon.

"You bring me a guest Lord Sesshomaru." The rumbling voice ripples under her feet, startling her to attention. The face in the old tree smiled at her in greeting.

"A tree demon." Kagome said, mild surprise in her voice. Sesshomaru had not revealed where they were going or what they would be doing. The rumbling old tree hummed in amusement, crinkling his face at her.

"Let me look upon you dear. Yes… Your soul burns quite brightly. As I suspected." Kagome blinked in surprise, looking at Sesshomaru momentarily as though he would give her some understanding. The lord remained stoic however, staring down the old tree.

"Yes my dear, I can see your soul. As with extensive training, you may see them as easily as I do." Kagome blinked again.

"Can you read my mind to?" She asked, a little startled at his immediate answer. The old tree chuckled in response.

"No dear one. Your curiosity is easy to understand however." He chuckled once more at her apparent blush. "Young lord Sesshomaru has told me about you during his last visit. As well as your visit from Midoriko. I will tell you what I can, if you have questions for me."

Kagome took in a deep breath, casting a sideways glance at Sesshomaru. "You ask about me?" She asked skeptically, before redirecting her gaze back to the old tree demon. She heard a mild grunt in response and she fought a smile upon her lips, oddly pleased by the revelation. She would have liked to ask him more, but decided to not take up too much of the tree's time with her antics.

"I guess… I should start with my training. And those powers Midoriko told me about. How do I unlock them?"

Bokuseno sighed. "The one question I do not yet have an answer for. Your soul is one of massive size and capability. As I understand, the same as Midoriko once held. I can see…" He peered at her in contemplation "You seem to have an imbalance or block within you."

Kagome took a shuddering breath, fear seeping into her chest. "Midoriko said… Her soul was balanced, and that was how the jewel was made. Had it not been, the result would have been catastrophic when she merged with the dragon demon. Does that mean… I can't do anything with an imbalanced soul? How do I balance it? How is it imbalanced?"

"Calm yourself little one. I am unsure of what I truly see. It is however very old. Your soul… Perhaps there is a piece out of balance. Correct it, and you may be whole once more."

"Kikyo…" Kagome whispered, her eyes softening in pain. "But Midoriko said…"

"The deceased priestess, Midoriko, can not see all. Perhaps she was wrong in believing you two may walk this plane at the same time." Sesshomaru cut in, stepping closer to Kagome.

"Perhaps. It may be something within yourself. I find it difficult to believe that you two remain mostly unphased by each other should she live off of your soul. You are very powerful. Your power should affect the hollow priestess if you two did hold such weight upon the scale."

Bokuseno's reassuring words eased her only a little, her shoulders slumping.

"It could be.." She perked up as he continued. "The concern is the demonic power within you, untapped and untamed."

"So I'm right back where we started." Kagome grumbled unwittingly. A warm hand cusped the back of her shoulder blade, and she glanced at Sesshomaru, who stared down at her with an unexplainable expression in his eyes.

"It may be easier than you suspect little one. As I told Lord Sesshomaru before, the powers of that of a Miko and that of a demon are two halves of the same whole."

"So I gotta flip the coin?" Kagome asked, brows furrowing and lips pursing in confusion. Bokuseno laughed heartily, the earth rumbling beneath her feet.

"You must accept both sides as a whole. They are both you, rejection of one will cause the two sides to be at odds with one another."

Kagome worried her lip under her teeth. "But I have always been a priestess…" She sighed quickly, a bit of irritation in her tone.

"Have you?" Bokuseno asked humorously, leaving Kagome to ponder more.

Sesshomaru requested moments alone with his adviser after Bokuseno left her with those last thoughts, and a gentle and sweet parting wishing her well. When Sesshomaru rejoined her, he told her that the old tree demon had given him information on a growing power, possibly jewel shards to the south, all the way to the coast.

When they returned, Kagome avoided the angry pestering of Inuyasha in favor of thinking to herself. With a new set course, Inuyasha was even more angry thinking they were moving on a wild goose chase, as if he never did the same. Up until the day before, Inuyasha persisted in his foul attitude. Interrupted only when they came across a family moving from their village. When inquired, the group learned of the foul miasma that had escalated in size off the coast on one of the nearby islands, fluctuating it's power periodically and increasing. Demons of all sorts had begun traveling across the sea to the island, some causing unspeakable havoc on the families village on their way through. Their priestess had been slaughtered in the most recent wave, and so they fled with their children like most of the village. It ceased Inuyasha's irritation considerably, realizing Sesshomaru had not been simply messing with them.

Finding their way to the coastal village the family spoke of, they came to find it entirely deserted. They took to burying what dead were left behind, a task Rin dutifully helped with despite Jaken's protests, and found a place to sleep for the night while they investigated the area. Kagome was dragged out of her recollection when Rin spoke up.

"Do you do this often Lady Kagome?" Rin asked quietly, placing soft yellow flowers on a burial mound before moving to the next, placing more as she went. Sango was right behind her, praying to each in turn as they moved down the line.

"The Sacred jewel leaves destruction in its wake. I feel like we do this too often." Kagome admitted softly, crouched just behind them as they worked.

"It is a kind gesture. My Mother and father were not buried. You all have so much to do already, and yet you stop to honor the dead as well." Rin appreciated softly, placing the last of her flowers on the last grave, clasping her hands together in prayer.

"We do what we can to ease those suffering. I often wish we could do more." Sango said quietly, standing and brushing the dirt from her knees. Rin and Kagome followed, Kagome's gaze drifting out over towards the sea. With the sun just having set, the sky was a beautiful orange, reflecting perfectly off the water.

"Kagome?" Sango asked quietly, her hand gently brushing against her wrist, making Kagome jump with mild surprise. "Let's go get some dinner." Sango continued, threading her arm through Kagome's and leading her away. Rin casually grabbed her other hand, and the trio made their way back towards the center of the Village. They had taken camp within one of the medium sized huts, covered in dust and cobwebs until Shippo cleared it out for them.

"We're back." Sango called, pushing aside the screen for their small party. A fire lite the hearth in the middle, warming the hut from the cooling breeze outside.

"Just in time." Miroku smiled warmly at them, Shippo pulling food away from the fire.

"Smells great" Kagome smiled at them, taking a seat next to Shippo as he offered her a skewered rabbit. "Where's Inuyasha?" She asked curiously, Rin was the first one to respond around a mouthful of food.

"Lord Inuyasha went out to scout the area like Lord Sesshomaru."

"Lord Inuyasha?" Miroku asked bemusedly, smiling at the young girl next to him.

"What disgrace!" Jaken shouted, interrupted by Rin explaining to Miroku despite his obnoxious disbelief.

"Lord Inuyasha is a minor lord to the Eastern lands, precisely where the forest named after him is located. Formerly the land of a clan of dragons defeated by Lord Inu no Tashio. It is written in Lord Sesshomaru's scrolls." Rin recited, nodding to herself.

"And Lord Sesshomaru has claim to the western lands." Miroku said it as if he was asking for her confirmation.

Rin nodded eagerly. "All of the Western lands in fact. Most are spread and separated by other lords, but My lord oversees the most vast amount of land compared to the others."

"You learned quite a bit with Sesshomaru didn't you?" Kagome smiled softly at her, and Rin nodded eagerly.

"Yes I have! My lord is kind enough to make sure I know all there is to know!" Rin grinned and began digging back into her food.

"And you know more than me now!" Kagome laughed, enjoying her food as well while everyone quietly enjoyed the atmosphere.

As soon as dinner was finished Kagome excused herself for a walk, passing Inuyasha as she left.

"Where do you think you're going?" Inuyasha grumbled at her, forcing her eyes to roll in response. She knew him well enough to know he had heard her announcement. Her bow and arrows over her shoulder should have also given away the fact she was making time to practice her control over her powers.

"I just want to practice my meditation some more." She answered quietly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Inuyasha huffed in response and looked away. "Don't wander off too far. It's too quiet around here."

"Maybe because the village is abandoned?" Kagome said sarcastically, getting a snort from Inuyasha this time.

"You know what I mean. Be careful." He snapped.

She couldn't help but smile at him and nodded, grateful for his concern as always even though it came out brash.

"I'll be back in a little bit." With a promise and a wave, Kagome meandered off with a bit more spring in her step. Halting a few yards into the treeline and rolling her bow down her arm into her hand. One poor old dead trunk of a tree in her line of sight a few more yards ahead.

Drawing and arrow and pulling the string back to her chin, Kagome took a deep breath and felt the warmth of her powers flicker over her skin, filling her up inside and burning through her fingertips as the arrow swelled with holy power. With a quick exhale, her arrow was released and with a firm 'thunk' was planted into the trunk. With a whip of her arm, she loaded another arrow as quickly as she could, and filled it in a second with just as much power.

With each arrow she got faster, her arm muscles burning and her hair frizzing and lifting from the stifling aura she released. About a dozen arrows in, a deep voice made her jump, shivers running across her arms as her power evaporated with the sudden loss of concentration.

"Your speed and strength have improved."

Glancing over her shoulder she let out a long sigh at the sight of Sesshomaru. "You should stop startling me like that."

"You should be more wary." He countered, borderline sharply. She felt her heart hammer at the scolding. Turning to face him fully, she took in his appearance. Mokomoko once more upon his shoulder, she had taken note of the weeks that it came and went, not often leaving his shoulder, but it still did disappear, for what purpose she did not know, as he did not tell her when she asked. But more importantly, she noticed his clothing changed. Where his red honey combed crest was once red, now stood much darker under the light of the moon, almost purple color. Almost… She blinked again and confirmed, the color matched his crescent moon upon his forehead.

Kagome pouted her lips at him but nodded, acknowledging he was correct. She looked back at her makeshift target as he approached, Taking note of the few arrows that had not quite made dead center. Her accuracy was slightly off, but much better since he had taken to teaching her correct form rather than just pulling back a string and squinting your eyes. Once she had form it was a matter of mastering it with speed and strength.

"I got distracted on a few of the shots…" She muttered to herself, a frown forming on her lips.

"Your hand waivers from strain. You focus well, but there are things that come with time and practice." Sesshomaru corrected her, and she sighed once again. She appreciated his instruction, and suddenly smiled as she thought on the seemingly endless hours she had spent with him hovering over her shoulder correcting her, then leaving her at a distance to supervise how she managed those corrections. It had taken a few days to get used to his eyes upon her, but now she felt no discomfort. He was as much support as the others, still taking Shippo in the mornings to hunt and provide for the 'pack'. He had not asked her to accompany them in the morning after observing her the first day. Instead he chose careful instruction with her rather than hands on. It often led to timid conversations between them, random questions being shared back and forth about habits and her time, his life goals and hers.

If she had to define their relationship, she would almost call him a friend. A quiet one, but a friend still.

"I have something for you." He said suddenly, jarring her out of her thoughts as he reached into his Mokomoko for something. Pulling his hand back he revealed a beautiful indigo ribbon, embroidered with silver threads, almost giving it the look of the evening sky before it turned navy, but with the beauty of the stars still shining. On each end were small jewels that caught the moonlight.

"What…" She reached forward hesitantly, he gently wrapped the ribbon into her fingers, making sure she gripped it before dropping his hand. Looking at it closer she realize the little jewels were two small moons, almost opals it seemed, radiating light from within. "What is this?" She breathed, fingering the silky texture and looking at him with confusion.

"A hair ribbon." He looked ready to sigh as she blinked at him with open confusion.

"I- oh!" She blinked again and looked at the ribbon with new interest. A small blush on her cheeks she pointed to her hair "May I?"

Sesshomaru slowly blinked at her then nodded, with only the sigh of silk he sat down on the ground, legs crossed. Putting his only elbow on his knee he rested his chin on his wrist and watched her with his abnormal predatory gaze.

This behavior she was used to, most of her training he spent like this, quietly observing her and giving criticism where needed. His quiet support was a nice contrast to Inuyasha's method of 'encouragement'. He once told her all she had to do was 'point and shoot!'. Sesshomaru was not one to lecture, but his tips for her powers and sword basics were pretty handy. From her perspective at least, Sesshomaru corrected her less and less by the day, and added new moves for her to try. That she would take as a definite positive.

Taking a few steps back from him to offer him space, she also sank to the ground in a less graceful heap and began threading her fingers through her hair.

"I managed a decent barrier yesterday!" She said happily, parting her hair into thirds to start braiding it back from her ears. Sesshomaru offered a little huff of indulgence. More than enough to keep her going. "Your centering tricks are pretty good, I was able to hold in Shippo and Rin with no problem for several minutes and Shippo didn't feel a tingle!" Kagome beamed, stopping with her hair half braided, half down before wrapping the ribbon in and tying it in a little bow.

"There, How is it?" She fluffed out her loose hair and turned her head as far she could to offer him a look.

"Lovely." Sesshomaru said simply, but it was honestly not what she was expecting. She couldn't have imagined him responding besides a simple grunt. And oddly the little word caught her off guard. Looking to change the subject quickly she shrugged her shoulders and folded her hands in her lap.

"Rin was telling us about the lords and their domains. Seems like she really enjoys learning under you." Her face softened at the mention of little Rin, and he let out a small huff of agreement. "She says that you've got the most amount of land is that true?" She said conversationally, pulling her knees to her chest.

"Do you have an interest in land?" Sesshomaru said with toneless boredom.

"Not really." Kagome admitted "But I am curious about what that entails. I never knew demons had specific lands or titles."

"Each clan keeps to their own lands. Titles are given to those worthy within each land. No different than what you humans seem to keep."

"So… Your father must have been powerful to oversee so much more lands than others." Kagome assumed, watching him for affirmation.

"Indeed, as his father before him. And I shall one day rule all the lands." Sesshomaru confirmed for her.

"That sounds like a lot of work why on earth would you do that?" Kagome let out a small laugh, trying to lighten the sudden feeling of unease at his plot.

"Supreme conquest." He stated simply, as if such an answer was so obvious.

"Supreme conquest? Is that why you sought the Tessaiga for so long?" Her brows furrowed as she asked.

"The sword is of no consequence to me now. Inuyasha requires it to keep his mind, and I shall gain power through my own means."

Kagome pursed her lips, causing him to draw up and raise a brow at her in question. A silent question she could understand at least.

"It just… it seems pointless you know? You already rule most of the lands of japan as it is… Supreme conquest seems a little overkill. Besides, when you rule everything what would you do then?"

He seemed to contemplate her words for a few moments before standing, offering his clawed hand to her to pull her up as well. His firm expression had her silent as she awaited a response, hoping she would get one.

"Then I may offer my empire to my mate and pups." He blinked slowly, his decision obviously now set.

"You have a mate?" Kagome exclaimed, wonder filling her face. "Really? Who? Will we meet her?"

"You are her." He said simply, and suddenly the world felt like it had gone dead silent.

It was like Kouga declaring his love all over again. Her face froze as she stared at him, completely wonderstruck.

"It is the reason I have offered you your courting gift." Sesshomaru said, a small frown tugging at the corner of his lips as he saw her lack of reaction.

"C-courting gift?" She repeated, worrying she would strain her eyes if they got any wider, and that she might burst into flame when realization hit her, sending a blush radiating from her toes to the tips of her hair. The ribbon suddenly feeling very warm against her head.

"Bokuseno said I should provide you a courting gift. Rin claims you seemed to like simple things. So I chose a ribbon to tie back your hair." Sesshomaru said with such a plain tone, and a lack of expression, Kagome was sure she heard him wrong.

"What?" She said again, the burning sensation increasng at her neck and rising slowly.

"A courting gift Miko." Sesshomaru repeated, eyes narrowing a slight.

"W-w-why?" Kagome squeaked out, the burning sensation radiating through her scalp now.

"Why she asks…" Sesshomaru muttered to himself sharply, looking away for a moment. Something akin to shock hit her as she looked at him. She couldn't stop the quick sharp breath as the pale light caught his cheeks. Was that pink she saw? She had to be hallucinating. But more than that, his expression….

Over the years she had seen many expressions on Lord Sesshomaru's face. Anger of course the most common one. His boisterous arrogant smile when he was younger, before he lost his arm to Inuyasha. Determination like flames in his eyes. Contemplation both in amusement and in seriousness. Even concern, a small flex in between his eyes and the curve downward in his lips before he turns away and acts nonchalant. All of these she suddenly realized she had always seen, but at the same time not. Having known they were there but never processing what they really were.

This though, was something else. If she had to guess, the small squinting of his lower eyelids, the smallest scrunch of his nose, but the glimmer of… uncertainty(?) In his eyes…

Nervousness?

Kagome blinked as her hands danced to her chest and gripped her yukata over her chest, focusing hard on that expression to commit it to memory. In that moment, when she really focused, it was as if he were illuminated from within. It could be said he resembled the moon, the symbol of his house, the light in the night sky that resembled his hair. But for a moment she could only think the opposite, in one small moment of vulnerability, where she could truly see into him, he radiated like the sun.

When he turned to face her once more the expression that took her breath away was gone, his average stoic face now back in place.

"Why else would one seek to offer a courting gift to a female?" He asked, his eyes narrowing once more.

Kagome was sure her face was a fiery red as she stuttered for an answer "I uh well…" she bit her lip.

"My beast has chosen you. As such I must court you."

Kagome pauses and blinked up at him. 'Must?'

"What do you mean? Your… beast? He claimed me so you just gotta go with it? Do you even like me?" Kagome huffed, confusion dousing the burning sensation and turning it into steam. She didn't like it at all, this lost feeling. She was just starting to think she was beginning to understand him when he throws this curve.

"An appreciation of one's mate does often make thing easier." Ah sarcasm. Though bland in delivery, she had learned his sarcasm quickly. As it was what he differed to often when mildly irritated. Not that he had any reason to be irritated with her like she with him!

"You can't just claim someone! That's that's…"

"Fate is what it is." His lip twitched in the temptation of a snarl. Was this lovely creature truly rejecting him? The one and only thing besides power he desired was willingly rejecting him? His bestial side thrashed in the back of his mind, and he had no doubt that his scalera was pink with irritation. This was not how this was supposed to go. Women often threw themselves at his feet, why would she not?

"But what about love!" Flashes of Inuyasha filled her mind, his smile when she fed him, his concern over her safety, their few quiet moments together, that was love!

Then Kikyo's image invaded, their fights, his lack of concern, his absence for favor of her cold arms over Kagome's. It was love right? Suddenly she felt the burning passion to hold tight to her love for Inuyasha evaporate within her. It was love right? So why did it hurt so much? Why did it feel like a constant fight?

Sesshomaru huffed, so that was what confined her. A trivial human notion called 'love' "There is no need for such a thing in a mating."

His words were the last cold bucket of water on her skin and she flinched at his tone.

There is no need for love in a mating. Was he serious? " You have to be kidding. I can't live like that." Kagome shook her head quickly, her throat tightening when his eyes flashed a darker red at her words.

"There is only one for my person, would you decline my very soul?" His tone was laced with growing anger and perhaps… panic?

She blinked and stepped back, worried she had truly angered him. She never saw his eyes this color. Not since he turned into a giant dog and nearly killed her. The memory had her biting her lip in nervousness, especially when he stepped closer. "N-no but.."

"Then does my gift not please you?" He mimicked her movements, not allowing space to increase between them. He took a deep breath and continued. "I can provide grander, for my mate I would provide the stars."

Desperate to ease this foreboding feeling, as though his mate, his soul mate, was rejecting him, over a simple matter at that, he stepped forward as a breeze caught her from behind, tugging her wavy hair over her shoulders. In a quick movement she was unable to see, his clawed hand darted out and caught a strand in between his fingers.

Heart thundering in her ears, she felt like a frightened rabbit, something was up with Sesshomaru, first a lovely expensive gift, now this mate stuff. Though he seemed untroubled to touch her before, this all was still unsettling. When his eyes caught hers she swallowed thickly, feeling herself being sucked up into the vibrant red and blue of his eyes. She told herself this was not the Sesshomaru she was getting used to. But what scared her more was… How much she wanted to let herself fall into those eyes. His golden gaze was enchanting yes, but she never allowed herself to linger in his gaze the way she was trapped now. Something within her tugged her to him, eager to know the entire depth of emotion behind those eyes. That tug absolutely terrified her.

"If my gift displeases you, perhaps-" His eyes darted downwards to her lips and he leered over her. It was known that some demoness preferred…. physical displays. Even though Kagome did not seem the type, to him and his demonic half, the logical thing seemed to test that theory.

Sesshomaru leaned in quickly, his eyes melting into a deeper red, before she had time to process what was happening, his lips had gently brushed hers.

The first thought that came to her of course, was that for a cold blooded killer, his lips were unbearably warm and soft to the touch. The odd thought crossed her mind that she wanted to know if they would still be as soft completely molded to hers. She felt her upper body lean towards him to close the brief and tiny space between them, then another, more 'rational' emotion slammed into her. 'What am I doing?' Fear took form in the sudden burst of a lavender bubble.

When the light faded, Kagome was shocked to find Sesshomaru had been thrown several feet away, clear into a half broken large tree. His skin fizzled and gave off smoke into the nippy air. His eyes were wide with shock, but now clear and undiluted by the terrifying red.

"I-I-I- Sorry!" Kagome squealed, flight taking over her legs as she turned and began to sprint away, as fast as she possibly could move. Behind her she vaguely heard Sesshomaru call out to her, followed by a soft grunt, but she did not stop.

Feet flying over roots and trees, she ran with all her might, arms pumping at her sides and legs burning with exertion. Tears gathered in her eyes as the cold air stung her cornea and her cheeks, her mind whirling in confusion.

She didn't stop when she burst through the tree line, her feet stumbling and struggling through the sudden shift in the ground. What was once firm and lumpy, gave way to soft damp sand that chilled her feet even through her boots. Even that didn't stop her, and she kept scrambling until she stood knee deep in the surf. The black water rushing and slamming into her knees. Her feet sunk into the soft grains and she gazed out into the black abyss, the horizon illuminated only by the glow of the moon upon the sea.

Sucking in a deep breath, she let out an aggravated scream, releasing her confusion and fear out through her vocal cords. If it could even be called a scream, out of breath as she was, her voice was washed away with the wind and covered by the noise of the waves.

She shivered as the ice cold water finally registered with her, and she tugged her yukata closer around her.

"What the heck was that?" She gasped, blinking rapidly as she stared at the seafoam gathering around her knees, brushing and collapsing against her. "What the heck was that?!" She clamped a hand over her mouth as she felt like she was becoming hysterical. After a few shallow breaths through her nose, she let her hand drop away.

"Why did I want to continue?" She rasped, guilt filling her like an empty glass. The thought of Inuyasha's anger and betrayal made her wince. "I love Inuyasha… why would he… why didn't I.." Kagome shook her head, a shiver violently running from her legs all the way up to the back of her neck.

"I must be losing my mind. That couldn't have just happened!" She laughed out right, but abruptly stopped when she remembered in vivid detail the feel of his lips against hers. "I must be losing my mind." She muttered again.

"Better that than your whole head."

The voice that brushed over her ear made her jump in surprise, it was not one she knew, so instinctively she prepared to grab her bow, but in the same moment, she could recall her placing it on the ground to put the ribbon in her hair. Despair hit her stomach the same instant a spark of pain hit right behind her ears, and everything went black.

#inuyasha #little bird no more #fanfic #sesskag #Kagome Higurashi #sesshomaru #rin #miroku #sango #shippo

[medea10]

My Review of Happy Sugar Life

#happy sugar life #satou matsuzaka #shio koube #asahi koube #shouko hida #taiyou mitsuboshi #daichi kitaumekawa #satou's aunt #anime review

[getsuchan]

Shopping Therapy

Kirei knew there were at least thirty-three ways this could go wrong. He just didn't think that the King of Heroes would be able to practice all thirty-three simultaneously and then add his own personal flair to it all.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11945029/1/Shopping-Therapy

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7013947

A/N: This is the result of me trying to actually learn how to do my laundry- the result of that was rather... unexpected. So, as I remain in exile in my room, scorned by all who don't appreciate my high intellect, this came to mind. So enjoy!

"It was my understanding that all Servants receive knowledge of the modern world upon materialization. Correct?"

"Indeed."

"You do understand that you cannot go outside like that. Right?"

The King of Heroes looked at his attire in confusion. "Why not? I suppose it may seem a bit out of place-"

"You will be arrested for indecent exposure."

"-but until I can replace the clothing Tokiomi purchased upon my request, I don't have any other choice." Gilgamesh finished with a glare.

After the end of the Fourth Holy Grail War, Gilgamesh had decided to stay in the Church with Kirei. Kirei himself thought it a better solution for the King to simply go buy himself an apartment complex and visit him, say, once a month for dinner. But that particular King wasn't someone you could kick out of your church without dire consequences, one of which would be something sharp and pointy into various places in your body. So far no real problems had risen, well, other than Gilgamesh complaining constantly about how his church was dark, dank and sinister (which coincidentally was just the way Kirei liked his churches, thank you very much) but in the last few days, the King had decided that the church had nothing more to offer him in terms of pleasures, what with the wine supply at its limit and all. As a result, he had determined that he would have to grace the unspeakably ugly modern world with his presence. Kirei didn't mind at all- in fact, he was certain that so long as nothing provoked him terribly, combined with his relatively good mood, he would be sensible and no one would end up with half a dozen Noble Phantasms pointed at them and the police asking questions he probably couldn't answer. But even so, Kirei couldn't possibly allow the King of Heroes to go out dressed like... that.

"But you can't go outside like that." Kirei insisted.

"Why? It is a perfectly fine piece of cloth, far superior to whatever cheap qualities pass for decent in this era."

"It is perfectly fine, so long as you can avoid every slight gust of wind or movement in general."

"You jest. I have seen women in less."

He can't be serious. Kirei thought with a sigh. "Gilgamesh, you are wearing nothing but a chiton. A very short, thin chiton that covers nothing from the navel up and the knee down. It doesn't even cover that much of what it is supposed to cover."

"Yes."

"You can't go out like that."

"Don't tell me what to do."

"But-"

"No 'buts'!"

Kirei pinched the bridge of his nose in a rare show of desperation. Despite that, however, when he next spoke his voice remained its usual monotone.

"Very well. I shall offer you one of my own uniforms for the time being and you can go shopping for new attire."

"You dare to ask of the King to lower himself to wearing your peasant clothes?"

"Just until you can buy your own!"

Gilgamesh opened his mouth to respond but then thought it over. Even he could see common sense when it was thrust right in front of his eyes covered in neon signs. (1)

"Very well. I am convinced."

The priest sighed in relief and went to his room with Gilgamesh close behind. As he took out one of his uniforms and handed it over, something came to him- something horrifying and good at the same time. Good, because if his suspicions were correct he would have some morsel of control over the obnoxious blonde behind him. And horrifying because the Holy Church was facing some financial difficulties and the first to get a decrease in salary were, of course, those who "lived for their faith and thus had no need for earthly pleasures". Namely, the priests of the Eighth Sacrament. Kirei barely managed to get a bit over the minimum wage for his role as a Holy Grail War overseer. That was not to say that Kirei didn't make some decent profit from his congression- he was a very skilled preacher if he said so himself and he was regularly ripping off the people of Fuyuki. The poor and unfortunate didn't see much of that profit either. However, when it came to the King's taste in clothing, it was unlikely that robbing a bank would suffice to do anything more than cover the expense of one shoe. And while Kirei knew that Gilgamesh was unlikely to have any qualms going out wearing only one shoe, he found himself unable to allow it.

"King of Heroes." he started, trying to approach the issue in a way that would not offend said King. "You do have the proper currency for this era in your vault, correct?"

The King stared at him with an eyebrow raised. "You mean those flimsy papers the modern people use? Of course not. Such peasant ways of acquiring the necessities for my lifestyle are beneath me. Behold Kirei! The true capacity of the King!" he announced and with a theatrical bow several Gates appeared and golden coins rained from the ceiling. Which was all nice and well, but this wasn't going to work quite the way the King thought. Kirei picked up a coin and examined it (stuffing a handful in his pocket while Gilgamesh was busy laughing).

"You cannot buy even a gum with those, let alone clothes."

The rain of ancient Sumerian gold ceased as did the laughing. "What?"

"You will most likely get yourself arrested for illicit trade in antiquities," he glanced meaningfully at the King, "on top of indecent exposure if you don't put the shirt on as well." Kirei pointed out and Gilgamesh complied with a scowl. "You need to have the currency of this land you find yourself into Gilgamesh. Didn't you learn that when you materialized?"

"Gold's value is the same in all eras."

"It... doesn't work that way exactly."

"Oh."

"Yes."

The silence stretched for a while.

"There is a black market in this place I presume?"

"You are not allowed to bring the mafia into this."

"As if I would ever grace such scum with my presence! Don't get too cocky with me mongrel!"

"I am sorry. But the issue remains that you cannot sell any amount of pure, ancient Sumerian gold in perfect condition or any fist-sized precious gems in the black market without a dozen men in black suits paying you a visit."

Another long, even more awkward silence. Gilgamesh sighed in frustration.

"Very well. Rejoice Kirei! In return for the gold in your pocket, you shall have the honor of paying for my purchases!" the King of Uruk declared, blatantly pleased with his generous offer.

So he saw that.

"There is no way I shall use your mongrel attire more than once. If you don't plan on accepting my decision, I shall be merciful and not punish you Kirei. Instead, I think I will simply change back into my own clothes." Gilgamesh said with a smirk. Kirei stared at him blankly for a while, with the King staring right back. It was the third long and uncomfortable silence today and a staring contest was a difficult thing when your opponent's slitted pupils kept changing in size. As he admitted defeat with a sigh, Kirei made a mental note to cook mapo tofu for dinner tonight.

"It's all junk! Is that what passes for quality fit for a King?" Gilgamesh proclaimed in frustration. And God, was his frustration loud. Too loud for Kirei's tastes, especially considering they were inside the best shop the mall had to offer. Most people would pay just for breathing in front of its windows, but Gilgamesh was looking in disgust at a hand-made leather jacket (a well-over Kirei's official abilities hand-made leather jacket- thank God for Rin Tohsaka's assets), the fourth item he had rejected within the past ten minutes. The assistant glared with vicious hatred at the ancient King, but quickly settled back to the universal fake, holier-than-thou smile assistants had on their face in the presence of costumers. After the King's rude dismissal of yet another over-the-top expensive shirt however, the woman left the counter and moved with confident strides towards them.

Oh good. And here I thought this was going to go down smoothly.

"How may I be of assistance?"

The moment Gilgamesh turned around to glare at the woman, Kirei abandoned all hope and decided to just roll with it.

Besides, how much worse can this get?

A/N: Oh Kirei, you silly billy. Don't you know that you should never ask such silly questions? ]:)

(1): [SPOILER]: He can't, not really, but this is what fanfic powers are for, no?

#gilgamesh #fate gilgamesh #kirei kotomine #fate stay night #Fate zero #fate UBW #fate series #gilgamesh is a dumbass #but what else is new #kirei kotomine has the patience of a saint #he is also running some sort of scam #gilgamesh on a shopping spree #what am i doin with my life #posted on ffnet and ao3 #just throwing that out there

[josieswrk]

Home

This week’s episode of Fruits Basket was another crier. Near the end of the episode, the main character Tohru has a nightmare of the morning her mother died. In her dream, she is sleeping, and her mother tells her quietly that she’s leaving for the day. As Tohru watches her mother walk toward the front door in her mind, she begs her mom to stay home. She knows that if her mom leaves the house that day, her mother will die. But no matter how much Tohru pleads, the silhouette of her mother makes its way, step by step, undeterred, out the front door, which closes with finality behind her. 

The episode ends with a voiceover of Rin’s thoughts as she sits on a hospital bed, eating some jelly that Tohru had made for her: 

“You hide what lies beyond the door from all others, where you feel like you’re silently ending towards... a breaking point. If that happens, you can’t recover. I hope someone like him will come for her [Tohru] too. Just like Haru was there for me, someone who will gently open the door. You can’t help but yearn for someone like that. Because someone who knows how scary it is to be alone... [cut to Tohru waking up from her nightmare and opening her bedroom door] can’t help but to love others.”

Last week I wrote about how Rin is overlooked because she isn’t as obviously kind, and how Tohru and Haru were able to see Rin’s wounded-ness and love her deeply. This week, we see the love come full circle as Rin decides to stop pushing Tohru’s kindness away and trust her, even starting to love her in return. The two women are able to develop a deeper bond because they recognize the pain that the other is going through. Tohru saw through Rin’s vitriol and sharpness, recognizing that Rin’s wounds run unbearably deep, and embraced her in a warm hug. This week, Rin begins to see through Tohru’s cheerfulness and kindness, and recognizes that, underneath Tohru’s smiles is an unspeakable grief that would leave most people paralyzed. It’s a grief we are reminded of through Tohru’s nightmare, and a burden that Rin hopes that Tohru will not have to bear alone, that someone like Haru will be there for Tohru, to “gently open the door.”

I think I replayed the ending five times. Rin’s poetic dialogue overlaying the scenes of Tohru’s darkest nightmare, Tohru’s soulless gaze as she wakes up and stares out her bedroom door, as if in her half-asleep state she could catch the disappearing form of her mother... I think moments like these are what takes a charming story about high school romance and magical animal transformations and makes it into something you want to cherish forever and ever. 

I wasn’t even planning to write about Fruits Basket again today. I was going to write about the feeling of coming home to my apartment after staying over at a friend’s house last night (which is why I haven’t posted anything in a while). But I watched the next episode in the meantime and needed to process, hehe, so here we are. 

Coming home after an absence is one of my favorite feelings. I love my friends dearly and enjoy spending time with them, but there is usually a limit. Like today. I had *so* much fun with some of my favorite people this week, culminating in sleeping over at a friend’s house last night. At around noon today, two of my friends were going to spend the rest of the day together, but I felt it deeply in my body: I am tired, and I would like to go home. My lovely friends are all so empathetic about my limited social energy and don’t give me a hard time about it or take it personally (because it isn’t something to be taken personally! Even if I love you very much I need time to myself.) After announcing my desire to go home, my friend dropped me off, I ran a couple errands, then came home again, took a shower, changed into my comfy clothes and just about squealed with joy. Like snuggled into my comfy area and screamed because I was so happy. 

I’m constantly thinking about how I use my time. The days are evil, my life is short, and I want to maximize the way I spend my hours. And this doesn’t mean I’m a workaholic or I refuse to sleep, because I strongly believe things like play, sleep, and daydreaming help make life worthwhile, if done in balance and moderation. And that’s what I think a lot about. What is the best ratio of work to play? Play gives me joy, but so does rigorous work. How about spending time with people vs. spending time alone? It takes time, energy, and presence to build meaningful relationships, and yet I can’t spend my entire life hopping from hangout to hangout and never leaving time for myself. There isn’t really a “right” answer to these questions, and much of it is moot, anyway, since I’m not the one with full control over my life and time - God is. I can come up with the most perfect schedule and it might work on most days, but at some point it will have to change. I can also say f*ck it I’m going to do whatever I feel like doing, and I will be left feeling lost and depleted and searching for something consistent and meaningful. 

But to the extent that I can be intentional about my life and set boundaries, I was reflecting today that I want to continue fiercely protecting the time I spend alone at home. The more I stay at home, the more quiet time I have to read. The more I read (manga, novels, etc.), the more I feel the contemplative, imaginative side of myself developing. When it comes to anime, I usually default to watching instead of reading the manga because I’m lazy. :p But recently I’ve been picking up reading manga again (starting with sangatsu no lion after a friend recommended it to me & I ran out of anime episodes and needed to find out what happens after!), and something you get in manga that you don’t get in anime is the author’s reflections. Many times, authors will draw themselves (or bespectacled animal versions of themselves) into the pages of the manga and give updates about their life and work. I love this aspect of manga, because to me, reading is a form of socialization. Sure, I’m not having a conversation with someone embodied. But when I am reading, I am absolutely connecting to another person’s mind and soul. When I read Pachinko, I’m falling in love with the characters, but I’m also falling in love with the author, Min Jin Lee, because through her story I can see her values of humanizing empathy, of empowering love, and of the courage to live according to one’s values. When I watch Fruits Basket I am curiously enthralled by the emotional intelligence and sensibilities of Takaya. And when I read March Comes in Like a Lion, I get glimpses into Chica Umino’s life experiences, and I feel a kindred spirit. In one of the author’s asides, she talks about exploring Ginza on her own in the evenings, getting late night food, which reminded me of the many times I wandered the streets of Seoul and London alone, popping in to restaurants and cafes that piqued my interest. I also imagine Chica Umino spending long, quiet hours at her desk, drawing and creating the warm, larger than life world of Kiriyama and his friends. And I wonder... Would life really be all that lonely if I did the same? If I stayed forever in my house and created something that would warm the hearts of whoever chanced upon it? And that’s something that would give me so much joy... To give someone a hug through my work the way Takaya and Chica Umino have hugged me through theirs. 

In reality it would probably be difficult for me to completely become a hermit because I really do love the flesh and blood people in my life, and I don’t want to lose my grip on my surroundings. But lately I feel my heart being pulled home, where I can roll myself into my blankets like a burrito and not have to utter a single word aloud. And maybe... After almost 8 years of on and off procrastination, I will finally finish that novel.  

[ao-no-exorcistfanfiction]

Perfect

Warning: Mature (rape, PTSD, NSFW)

*In this AU, Rin is taken to Gehenna by Satan

Requested by grande-gratsukenatsu

Pairing: Rin and Ryuji

Perfect.

Rin was the perfect subject.

Satan’s perfect weapon against Assiah.

But he was not as perfect as he could be. 

But Satan was going to see to it that Rin lived up to his potential.

Satan would make him perfect.

He would make him perfect no matter what it took.

——————————————————————————————-

Gehenna was indeed an awful place. But not in the way that most people would think.

It was an empty place. There was no light. None at all. The only thing that let Rin know he was still alive were the sounds. The sounds of tortured souls, of unspeakable horrors, of every known demon. They pervaded Rin’s senses at all times driving him to a point of numbness. 

Plucked from Father Fujimoto’s side before his demon powers had even come to fruition, Rin spent the majority of his youth in Hell. Satan was molding Rin into his weapon of mass destruction. All this truly involved was Satan torturing him to the point of death, then stopping right before Rin succumbed to death. 

Rin had no sense of time. This endless routine could have lasted for hours, days, months, years. Time didn’t exist in Gehenna. 

Rin knew Satan’s plan was working. He could feel himself getting stronger. With every new round of torture, Rin found himself lasting longer; he could endure more pain, stay awake longer, even find the urge to fight back sometimes.

But the torture wasn’t even the worst part of it. No; the torture was pure bliss compared to what would happen afterwards.

Between bouts of torture, Satan would bind Rin, leaving him alone in the dark to recuperate until next time. His hand and legs were always bound to what Rin didn’t know, but they prohibited him from moving at all. That’s when the creatures would come. Unseen demons that would approach him in the dark. They would hiss and seethe at him.

“Satan’s spawn.”

“He will liberate us from this prison.”

“What a pretty thing.”

“Reminds me of his mother.”

“She was weak. This one is strong.”

“Ripped apart during the birth. Satan should have chosen a stronger host.”

“It’s too late now. This one will have to do.”

“Let’s see just how strong he is.”

That’s when Rin would begin to feel slippery tentacles, clawed hands, and other unspeakable things all over his naked body. Searching, probing, invading… 

He would always will himself to pass out; to let unconsciousness ease the torment of what was being done to him. Sometimes sleep would bless him, but other times it would evade him and he would have to live through the pain.

Satan did nothing. If anything, he thought it would help Rin get stronger. Another factor to help mold his perfect weapon.

——————————————————————————————-

Rin didn’t know who, how, or why, but somehow he had been freed from Gehenna. He had fallen asleep in the dark, bound by his shackles, but when he awoke, he was in a human hospital bed, nurses attending to him. 

Father Fujimoto and Yukio were there as well, but they had no explanation either. They had stepped into the monastery one morning to prepare for the day, and there Rin was, passed out in the middle of the aisle. He had been gone for three years.

Three years. But it had felt more like a lifetime. But Rin was home. He had been liberated from his hellish prison. And he was going to make the best of it.

Recuperating from such an ordeal was no easy task, but Rin was making progress. He had decided to become an exorcist along with his brother in order to enact his revenge on Satan for what he had done to him.

The Cram School did wonders for Rin’s physical and mental states. He made plenty of friends who came to accept for who he was (even if that was the child of Satan). 

But the brightest part of Rin’s new life was Ryuji Suguro. The two had butted heads at the beginning of the year, constantly on each other’s nerves, but a bond had formed between the two that they eventually just couldn’t deny. It wasn’t long before they had become inseparable. They were a well-matched couple. 

The longer their relationship lasted, the stronger their bond grew. The stronger their bond grew, the more comfortable Rin felt in opening himself up to Ryuji. Suguro knew a bit about what had happened to Rin when he was younger, but nothing too detailed.

One evening, the two were in Rin’s dorm. Yukio was out for the evening, and Ryuji was helping Rin study for his exams. As the night went on, the boys soon abandoned the books and became much more interested in each other. 

Their kisses were fairly chaste at first, but with each passing moment, things began to heat up. Suguro had Rin underneath him and his hands had steadily begun to creep underneath Rin’s shirt. He let his hands dip below the waistband of Rin’s pants…

And suddenly Rin was pushing him away and scrambling off the bed onto the floor below. Ryuji just sat there shocked, as Rin stopped, curled into a ball, and lay panting on the floor.

After a couple of moments, Rin had managed to collect himself and turned shyly to his boyfriend. Tears dotted the corners of his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. Ryuji just sat on the corner of the bed and patted the spot next to him. Rin came over and wrapped his arms around the monk’s torso. 

“You don’t have to tell me what that was about if you don’t want to,” Ryuji mumbled, letting his hand come up and smooth down Rin’s hair.

Rin was silent for a while longer, but finally he whispered, “It’s ok. You should know the truth.” And then without looking at him, Rin told the story. He recounted every awful thing that had ever happened to him in Gehenna. He choked up during some parts and had to pause in order to calm down again, but he powered through.

Suguro stayed quiet the whole time, letting Rin tell his story, stroking his hair, and holding him close.

When Rin finished, Suguro was silent for a moment longer before he whispered, “Thank you. For sharing that with me.”

Rin finally dragged his gaze away from the floor and fixed his blue eyes on his boyfriend. “Thank you for listening,” he murmured.

Ryuji cupped Rin’s cheek, silently asking for permission to kiss him. Rin nodded and Suguro placed a soft kiss full of emotion onto his boyfriend’s lips. When he pulled back, he let his forehead rest on Rin’s. “From now on,” he said, “You tell me what’s ok and what’s not. I want you to be comfortable no matter what. Don’t be afraid to tell me.”

Rin nodded, then kissed Ryuji again. 

Suguro smiled then murmured, “I love you.”

Rin smiled back. “I love you too.”

Rin had been through terrible things. All in an attempt to make him Satan’s perfect weapon. But Rin wasn’t perfect. He was wonderfully imperfect. But that was ok. Ryuji loved him because he was imperfect. And that made everything in Rin’s world perfect.

#ao no exorcist #blue exorcist #rin okumura #ryuji suguro #fanfiction

[the-martial-law-thingy]

The ‘greatest Marcos horror story never told,’ through the eyes of a Moro filmmaker

By Anna Bueno Updated 18:33 PM PHT Tue, November 29, 2016

Manila (CNN Philippines Life) — When President Rodrigo Duterte remarked that there were no studies nor movies about Martial Law, in light of the uproar brought by the sudden burial of former President Ferdinand Marcos in the Libingan ng mga Bayani, filmmaker Gutierrez “Teng” Mangansakan II was among those to invite him to view his new documentary, “Forbidden Memory.”

The film, which won Best Documentary at the Cinema One Originals film festival, is tagged the “greatest Marcos horror story never told,” and recalls the memories of the survivors of a massacre perpetrated by armed soldiers sent by the government (then led by former president Marcos) to keep the peace between Christians and rebels in Palimbang, Sultan Kudarat, in September 1974.

Martial Law was in effect, and so was the holy month of Ramadan, when the soldiers rounded up around a thousand men and around 3,000 women in the coastal village of Malisbong, ostensibly to extract information about rebel movements. What followed, as witnessed by the survivors, was a calculated genocide of around 1,500 men, women, and children.

The men were kept like sheep for slaughter in a nearby mosque, says one of the witnesses in the documentary, who also witnessed eight of these men running towards the beach as they were shot by soldiers. Other men were ordered to dig their own graves, while others were moved to another place, never to return. The women were separated from their brothers and husbands in the barrio hall, and thereafter shepherded into naval ships, where they experienced horrors unspeakable.

The narration in “Forbidden Memory” is simple and starkly clear, connected by consistent accounts of the survivors and punctuated by calming images of sky and sea. In the beginning, the audience is told the film is not historical fact, but rather a retelling of memory. It opens with an elderly woman with glimmering eyes — Babu Ligaya, as Mangansakan calls her — saying these memories are still too difficult to bear. It cuts into a silently horrifying black and white footage of a woman, being forced by a man to stand in the middle of a screen for a few agonizing seconds, her fate uncertain. There is an anecdote by a middle-aged man recalling how they were thrown one-inch slices of coconuts — as chickens are fed grain — after days of starvation inside the mosque. He recalls able-bodied men being summoned outside to carry sacks of rice, then the sound of gunshots.

As depicted in the film, imprints of bloodied hands remain in the mosque, as do cracks and circular holes that fit bullets. Two survivors, both women, condemn the Marcoses: one of them the father, and the other, the son.

Even as the AFP denies the existence of the massacre, according to Mangansakan, the survivors still await reparation from the Commission on Human Rights for the loss of lives and property suffered by the villagers, now 42 years to this day. CNN Philippines Life sits down with Mangansakan after one of the film’s screenings to ask him about the making of this documentary, the value of collective memory, and how to tell “a truth” — as relayed by the massacre’s survivors — in a post-truth era. Below are edited excerpts from the interview.

At the end of the film, the interviewees said that if it wasn’t you doing the documentary, they wouldn’t share their story. Why is this so?

Before I did this documentary, I was commissioned by an office to do a documentary on historical injustices and the legitimate grievances of the Bangsamoro, in fulfilment of the GPH-MILF Peace Agreement, [where] a third party was created to propose transitional justice mechanisms. So pumunta ako ng Malisbong last year, met these people, talked to them. And then sabi ko nga, ang limitation ng documentary, since it’s a 20-minute documentary, is ang dami-daming sites na ifi-feature. Sinabi ko sa sarili ko, this is an unfinished business, ‘di ko nabigyan ng hustisya ‘yung mga tao na sana marinig yung boses nila. If there’s a chance for me to make a documentary, I’m going to make a documentary about Malisbong. Then Cinema One announced they were opening the slots for three documentaries, I thought this was my chance, nag-submit ako. Then I got one of the slots.

So I went [to Malisbong]. Pero ‘di pa pagtanggap ‘yung natanggap ko. Kung baga, skepticism, number one. Sabi nila sa akin, all these years, people have gone to them, talked to them, feeling nila pinaglalaruan sila. Maraming NGOs, pumupunta doon, sinasabi na, “Hey talk to us, tell us your story, maghahanap kami ng NGO para meron kayong livelihood....” and then afterward they don’t come back. So feeling nila nagagago sila.

‘Nung dumating ako, I told them I want to make this documentary, parang may [skepticism] pa. I had to talk to their elders, their leaders. I even had to talk to the MILF chairman sa area na ‘yun. And I really had to convince them that I don’t have any other purpose, or pagkakitaan sila, it’s just that I want to know their story so the world can hear their stories. And it’s also good that I am also from Mindanao, I am also Maguindanaon, and somehow they were able to trust me with their stories.

I think when these people entrusted me with their stories, I had to be very careful with their stories. I want to be as simple and as sincere as possible when I tell the stories in the documentary form na hindi ko siya masyadong i-e-embellish. The rawness of the documentary is its power. Nilahad ko lang siya as they were narrated to me.

You were born and raised in Mindanao?

I was born in Cotabato. I was raised in Maguindanao. My mother was mayor during the Martial Law regime. And nakwento nga mga tao sa amin, ‘’Yung nanay mo, ang tapang-tapang. Siya yung kaya makipag-argue sa military leadership.” My family rin kasi was entrenched in the politics of Mindanao. My grandfather was Datu Udtug Matalam.  He founded the Mindanao Independence Movement (MIM) in 1968 as a response to the Jabidah massacre. And the MIM was actually the precursor of the MNLF and MILF. People would agree my grandfather was the father of the Moro liberation movement. So kumbaga maliit pa ako, open and exposed na ako sa politics.

But I really wanted to make romantic narrative films. Napasok ako sa documentary in 2000 when [former President] Erap Estrada declared an all-out war against MILF, 'yung bahay namin, bahay ng lolo ko sa Pagalungan, Maguindanao was transformed into a refugee camp. Very fond ang memories ko sa bahay na ‘yun kasi lumaki ako dun. When I saw evacuees in the area, I shot footages of their plight. ‘Yun ‘yung first documentary ko, “House under the Crescent Moon.” From then on I explored different facets of the armed conflict. Pero when I graduated to feature narrative films, ‘yung armed conflict naging part pa rin siya ng themes ko, pero very subtle. Mas nagiging brave and blatant ako sa documentaries, pero subtle in my narrative films.

When people ask me, would you consider making a film that is not about Mindanao? I would say I don’t think I can make a film that is not Mindanao. It would feel like I’m a fish out of water.

What were you going through while you were listening to all the stories?

It was difficult to process. Sa team ko, ako lang ‘yung Maguindanaon. During the interviews, ako lang ‘yung nakakaintindi. Pero alam mo? ‘Yung emotions ng mga ini-interview ko transcend the barrier of language. ‘Yung mga kasama ko umiiyak habang pinapakinggan ‘yung mga interviews. Not because they understood what the people were saying, but because they felt everything and what they went through. So tuwing umuuwi ako sa Gen San, tuwing hapon, nagtataka ‘yung mga kasama ko kasi nakatulala lang ako. Oh my God, these stories. Uuwi ako ng Gen San na very negative 'yung vibe.

It took me a while to listen to the files. Nagpahinga ako ng tatlong linggo kasi ‘di ko talaga kaya. ‘Nung pinakinggan ko, ganoon pa rin 'yung effect until now, and tuwing pinapanood ko, naiiyak pa rin ako sa mga footages. Tsaka 'yung mga backstories na ako lang ang nakakaalam. So it was a difficult, difficult story to make.

I was struck by that eerily serene and black and white footage of a woman, being pushed by a military man to the center of a small screen, at the beginning of the film. What were you thinking of when you included this, along with the interviews?

The AFP, until this moment, denies the massacre, that it never happened. [They say] of course there was a military operation there to help the civilians, we were protecting the civilians against the rebels. That was the official line: of course there was no massacre. The documentary team of CHR interviewed [retired Major General] Fortunato Abat — ang sabi ni Fortunato Abat, what massacre?

So isa sa mga in-imagine ko, what if merong photos or film footage sa archives ng AFP na nakatago diyan? Evidence of what happened? As a filmmaker, I recreated what I imagined to be the found footage so that I can place the military in the massacre in Malisbong. That’s why it didn’t look like just a re-enactment. It looked like found footage. Lahat noon, basically re-enactments in the form of found footage. Things that I imagined the military intelligence saw, captured, but are now contained deep in the archives of the AFP.

They say we’re in a post-truth society, in light of fake news circulating in social media and the widespread belief in them. What value does the truth have — as contained in the stories told in your film — in an era of post-truth?

Itong issue na ito, especially 'yung kay Marcos, has become a very divisive issue. I remember two days ago someone accused me of lying [online], people should not see this film because it’s peddling lies. When you see the film, it’s based on memory, and maraming historical inaccuracies sa kwento. Some people remember it was September 21, some September 24, and I told myself it wasn’t important to establish these data or information. I was more concerned with the collective recollection of a people, and that for me was already a truth. Not necessarily the truth, but a truth. ‘Yung ‘a truth’ na ‘yun is ‘yung gusto kong malaman ng mga tao, and I think based on what I’ve been reading on Twitter, mas maraming naniniwala sa pelikula at kwento ng mga tao sa pelikula. I think that’s the post-truth that I want, the post-truth I want people to remember the film by, to remember the lessons of the film. Of the dark years of Martial Law.

The interviewees were not identified in the documentary. Was this intentional on your part, consistently with your goal to record a “collective recollection” of a people?

It was a decision [made] a day before mag-out kami. If these people are just representatives of larger communities, maybe if you don’t name them and just put them on the end credits, they’re not just talking to one person, but they’re also talking to an entire community, nameless members of the community who suffered. Maraming ‘di na-account eh, na nag-suffer. That was a conscious effort not to put in names.

Are you still in touch with the survivors?

Not only with the survivors, but with the young people na alam kong related to the survivors. Nung kinakausap ako ng survivors, ang natatanong ko diyan is, “How do you ensure this truth is going to the young generation?” … So sinasabi nila na kinukuwento nila.

I need to do that. Ayoko sabihin nila na after entrusting me with their stories, I’m just one of those people who did that para pagkakitaan sila, para mapakinabangan sila. That’s why every now and then pumupunta ako doon, sa Malisbong. Or sa Gen San.

Source: [CNN Philippines]

#martial law #video #interview #reference #maguindanao #cnn

[kapitanwingter]

Chapter 5 - Hear me roar!

Ever told you how forgetful I am?

Setting the alarm clock to wake me up at seven even though I need to wake up at eight. Even though it's Saturday sensha-dou classes are after school every day and at weekend mornings and Saturday afternoon, though we can visit the hangars and tinker with our tanks any time. They may be the possession of the school but the school's sensha-dou committe (Emese and the deputy commander) knows best how to handle them so they leave it to them. However they think the best is to let the crews customize the tanks. Well maybe not the crew of the Tas yet since we're newbies, maybe if we proove ourselves they will trust us enough for that too.

After choosing me as commander we all headed home and Cap told us to go back at nine in the morning. She said the deputy commander will walk us through the operation of the tank and she will instruct us on our first lesson. Everyone else from the club will be training on the grounds which is next to the forest so we will have the entire area for ourselves.

She told us to come in the school's sports outfit because we have some serious cleaning to do. True that, when I drove the tank the inside was...well...it had filth of unspeakable amount. We would also get our equipment and tankwomen clothing. I'm so excited.

I packed some water and sandwiches into my bag which had the union jack on and went to the hangars.

I saw Reiko and Jitsuko was already there with somebody else.

"Hey girls" I said.

"Morning Tami" they replied.

"Good morning miss Tamara" said the girl with long orange hair in twintails. She was wearing the same coverall as Emese yesterday with tanker boots and I saw her leather coat and tanker hat lying on the Panther near her - which I assumed was her tank "I'm Reizei Rin, they call me Lili. I'm Emi's second in command, I look forward to working with you"

"I look forward to working with you as well" I said.

"I heard a great deal about you already. Did you seriously cranked this piece of junk in five minutes?"

"I think it was six"

"Aren't you a modest one"

I giggled a bit.

"I hope we haven't missed the party!" yelled Eimi from the distance who was coming with the missing crew members.

They introduced themselves after.

 "So" started Lili "Shall we start?"

"Lemme guess it's dusting the tank time" said Aoi.

"Pontosan [exactly]" said Lili.

"Üssenek meg kővel ha ez nem magyar volt [Punch me with a stone if that wasn't Hungarian]" I said.

"Tanulgatom [I learn it-ish]" she replied "Okay girls, the tap is over there, get some water and the sponges on the table and let's start scratching off the rust and dirt"

  Thus we did. For an hour or two. After the tank turned into a nice deep olive colour. It had some japanese markings on it, probably from the previous users.

"So anyways" I said "Why didn't you use the tank for this long?"

"It got set on fire by itself" said Lili "The operating crew barely escaped in the middle of the match which was called off after it. The fire almost caused the ammo inside to explode which they menaged to prevent. After they repaired it and started it again but after five minutes of running smoke was coming out of her so they poured some foam in the engine, washed it out and left her in the courner"

"Hmmmm" I reacted "I guess we're lucky"

"How so?"

"Right you haven't heard. My Dad does this for a living, making vehicles safe and operable. He hasn't had a single incident with the refurbished tanks yet. I'm gonna give him a call then"

Lili nodded approovingly.

I talked to Dad for something ten minutes while I looked through the tank thoroughly as the others were starring at me working.

"Don't just stand there y'all we gotta get this engines out now" I said to them.

 "Plural?" asked Eimi.

"Yeah this stuff has two Turán engines inside"

The club is well equipped so we menaged to get the engine block out in half an hour with the jacks then I called Dad again. After close inspection from every possible angle we concluded first that the oil was leaking which was to be expected but I also noticed that fuel was leaking from the combustion chambers at three pistons. I poured some in exactly because of this and not water because it's not the same.

"Gotcha" I said "Even though we need to take apart engine two it's not the most serious problem"

"You guys are professionals" said Lili "Not even the automotive club could figure this one out. Now that I think about it they didn't want to take it apart because they feared it would do it again while taking it out of the tank"

"That was a possibility" I said

"What" asked Reiko.

"Nothing" I replied.

It was noon so we took a lunchbreak before taking apart an entire engine block. We were already exhausted except for Lili so we didn't talk much. After resting for half an hour I sent Jitsuko and Aoi to see if the automotive club members were in their clubhouse today. We got lucky so I asked Eimi and Reiko to look for the Tas's blueprint in the headquarters.

Reinforced with the automotive club's professionalism and equipment we menaged to seal the problematic places away and put it back to it's respectful place. I sat in the driver's seat - and I must admit Fusako did a number on the inside, I couldn't imagine it could be this clean - and hit the ignition button. She had a lot better voice than before. I rolled out with her on the field and hit the pedal to the metal. The Tas accelerates like a mother trucker. For a medium-heavy tank it's really fast and agile though I have a feeling the tracks might get tricky if the road is not stable enough but should perform well in snow and dust or sand. I rode her for ten minutes and nothing happened so I went back after stirring up the dust heavily.

"This should do" I said to everyone "Cheers guys, thanks for the help!"

"It was a pleasure" said the automotive club's main engineer and they went back.

"What a way to waste the day" said Reiko "It's already two PM..."

"Tired already?" said Lili  sarcastically.

"Hell no" she replied.

"Good, because the real fun begins now. As you may or may not know this is a tank. What does it mean? It means you don't operate it alone - duh. Time for a role-call, I heard you already chose Tamara as your commander. Well then commander, time to sorte out who does what"

The girls were all looking at me. They each had the place they wanted to be but were too shy to say it out loud.

"Okay" I broke the silence "First we need a driver. I vote for Eimi since she really is into cars"

"Good call" said Fusako.

"Shooter should be Reiko then because of her sport and hobby"

"Couldn't agree more" said Reiko.

"Loader should be Fusako. I saw your handy work on the inside of the tank, I see you can orientate well inside already and you seem to be very agile and tall enough to have no problem loading the cannon"

"I'll do if you want me to, Tami" she said.

"So that leaves the radio operator and the maintenance personnel..."

"Excuse me" said Aoi "I really enjoyed taking that engine apart. If you teach me everything there is to know I would really much like to be the crew's most important support" then she bowed.

"I'm glad you feel like that. I guess that makes Jitsuko our radioman"

"Seems fine to me" she said.

"Glad you could sort it out this quickly" said Lili "So what are you waiting for? Watabe! Check the loadout with Fusako and also check the engine's parameters, everyone else: battle-stations!"

I told Aoi what to look out for and what to check when inspecting the tank. Before we could jump in the tanks:

"Hold on a sec girls! I almost forgot" said Lili "Come in the HQ"

We went in and saw folded clothes on the chairs with boots in front of them and tanker hats on them.

"First let's get geared up" she said.

 We each got the 38M tank hat, a light-olive coverall with a brown belt and the respective undershits with tankmen boots. Luckily I was prepared and brought...some of my own.

My everyday clothes when the weather allows include a 65M Surranó - a Hungarian military leather boots - and a leather jacket. I also brough my grandfather's leather gloves who passed away before my birth, and a dark-brown, Hungarian version of the german M43 tanker hat..

I took them on or instead of the given equipment. Turned around and said:

"Allright girls, this is the point of no return. Is everybody ready to make history?!"

"YEAH" they yelled back.

Lili was smiling while we took positions inside the tank. "They sure look promising" she must have thought to herself.

Now that I think back things really escalated fast on my first week. It was my third day in school and I already was commander of a 44M Tas in the sensha-dou team. I never could've imagined I would make this progress so fast, not to mention that they would choose and accept me as their commander. The real trial is in front of me but this is the kind of challange I love to tackle head on.

  The hat had a built in radio. It was modern technology so it was wireless and had a long-lasting battery inside. Everyone had access to the radio which was between each other in the tank, I could use the short range radio from my neckpiece on top of the tank radio and I also had a smaller headset under my hat, and Jitsuko was the long range operator. I think these hats are upgraded from the original, made into the likes of the soviet tanker ushankas.

"All right Eimi, all yours now" I said over the radio "Előre!"

"Which means..?" she asked.

"Forwards" I said "Also take it slowly for now"

Lili was observing us from the tower next to the garages.

"So uhm...44M Tas, sorry we don't have a codename for you guys yet..." she said.

"Any ideas?" I asked the crew.

"This one's on you" said Fusako.

"Turul" I said on the short range radio.

"Allright. Turul, go forward and in the forest, follow the road which will lead you to where the others are having their training. Be careful not to go in the firing range but no don't worry they are facing towards the ocean and the range is at the edge of the ship"

"We still haven't set sails you know that, right?" I asked her.

"Uhm...yeah...of course" she said with uncertainty in her voice "But anyways just go where I told you, the short range radio has the range of about two kilometers. The range is three away so if I don't reply switch to long-range. I can see you from up here with my binaculars. Good luck girls"

"Acknowledged" I replied "Tamara temporarily out. Ei we can go a bit faster"

"Understood" she said.

At the edge of the forest it suddenly hit me. I didn't explain to her how to drive a tank. I mean it's pretty straightforward: gas, break, clutch, gears - eight of them forwards and two in reverse - and one break for the left track and one for the right. She's a natural besides her knowladge of cars.

Fusako's job was really easy she just didn't need to drop the ammo and reload fast. Maybe I should explain the breech mechanics to her later, there is a lever which is basically the safe switch in the cannon, she just needs to pull that.

Reiko will need to learn how to estimate distances but otherwise her job was rotating two wheels and the horizontal one has a hydraulic stance so the turret traverses fast.

Jitsuko's job will be an other matter. I'll have to read the manual with her. Thankfully all the manuals for this tank are naturally in Hungarian so it must have been a bit difficult to figure this tank out for the previous operators. This radio will be a tough one though but I'm sure we'll solve it.

I just told Aoi a couple of stuff to check, not even thoroughly but I think she might be an explicit observer as we were tinkering with the engine. I'll send her to the automotive club and I'll tell her everything I know as well. She'll menage very well. In the end she'll menage all the tanks and not just ours.

We did as we were told to and followed the road. Eventually ended up on the training grounds. There were the the shooting grounds which was at least a kilometer long and it really did face towards the side of the ship. To the left there were different kinds of paths which simulated different terrains. To the right I saw a couple of big tents which I assumed were for resting and strategy meetings.

"Lili this is Turul, we're here what do we do now, do you read me?" I asked through my short-range radio. I heard some buzzing so I was about to tell Jitsuko to fetch the manual for the long range.

"Not Lili but I think I'm fine as well" said somebody over the radio.

"Who is that?" I asked.

"Just your superior"

"I apologize, Százados, 44M Tas "Turul", commander Ötvös Tamara reporting for duty"

"Very nice you guys made it there in on piece, Lili already told us your progress on the Tas and frankly you guys did a splendid job"

"Thank you Ma'am"

"Get your asses over here, time to meet the team"

We parked the tank in front of Emese and got out of the tank. The rest of the sensha-dou class was there with the basic team: two Tigers, two Panthers, four Turán Is, four Turán IIs, five Panzer IVs, four Zrínyi 105s and four 75s, one Toldi I and two Toldi IIs. Which made it hundred and twenty eight people in this class. No way I would ever remember that many names. Every one of them gathered around us.

"Ladies" started Emese "These girls got the Tas running again. I would like to introduce you commander Ötvös Tamara and her crew: driver Toyota Eimi, gunner Royama Reiko, loader Katsura Fusako, radio operator Ban Jitsuko and however she's not here but our new general maintenance personnel Watabo Aoi"

"Nice job on the Tas, girls!" said somebody from the crowd. Somebody else whistled one and the rest followed with a big applause.

We bowed.

"I am looking forward working with you" I said.

"Allright girls get to know the new ones after class, back to work everybody" said Emese and the rest listened to her.

She turned to us.

"You on the other hand have been working hard, park your tank there next to the other by the shooting range and go get something to eat from the tent"

"Thank you Captain" I said as I saluted.

She returned the salute and went back to training.

"Százados!" I yelled.

"Hmm?"

"What do we do now?"

"Read the manuals, teach the others and each other how to operate the tank effectively, learn the radio, how to rangefind and shoot accurately, the codes used by us and get closer to each other"

"Understood!"

She smiled and climbed up on the nearest Tiger.

"One more thing" she said.

"Yes Ma'am?" I replied.

"If you have any problems come see me, Lili will be arriving soon and she'll be your instructor until you guys menage on your own"

"Yes Ma'am!"

I climbed up the engine and looked around and I took some time to take in the environment.

"Well then" I said to myself "Let's get to work"

#chapter #chapter5 #girlsundpanzer #girls und panzer #fanfiction #fan fiction #Winged