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fromtheboundlesssea · 2 years

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Thoughts on episode 9

I like how solemn the opening is.

Who’s the blind kid? Aegon’s bastard?

Good lord. Olivia’s acting. Beautiful.

I sort of think it would have been fine to have Alicent lie and pretend that Viserys named Aegon heir instead of the stupid prophecy.

I still don’t understand the marble things at the small council.

I would feel horrible for the guy making a joke and then learns that the king is dead.

But good lord, I have no idea who all these people on the council are.

They are making Alicent look more innocent in all this.

The king was well? The king was well? He was falling apart?

The actual heck? I really don’t understand the Beesbury death. Was it in the books? I hardly know him as a character.

We don’t even get to see any of the council members politicaling. At all.

The thing is that even though Alicent truly thinks Aegon has been named heir, she still doesn’t want Rhaenyra dead.

Can we talk about how Alicent actually worries about Rhaenyra when it comes to what it would mean for the safety of Rhaenyra and her family’s safety while Rhaenyra has shown no actual forethought.

I don’t understand Westerling either. Like he seems loyal to Rhaenyra but he seemed kind to Alicent.

And Helaena’s words were definitely about the children arguing over a toy, but the squabbles of children is what the Dance is.

I saw people complain about how looking for Aegon takes too much of the episode and I can already imagine that it does. Although I suppose it separates the greens into factions loyal to Otto and loyal to Alicent.

Okay, but why is Rhaenys still in the Red Keep? Why is Baela not with her?

Alicole is actually the softest and greatest thing in this. Like it’s beautiful. Sansa would have swooned at a song made about them.

I wish the women were allowed more agency. Truly.

I love how Aemond felt like he could be vulnerable with Cole. 😭

Question, was Daemon formally placed as Prince of Dragonstone? So did they switch allegiances then as well.

Why are they loyal to Rhaenyra anyway, other then swearing vows? She hasn’t done any ruling at any point. Otto and Alicent have been active members of court.

I hate that they introduce twins and. Have I idea how to tell them apart.

I agree with Tom (Aegon’s actor) they don’t allow him to have any nuance. Any nuance he gets is thanks to Tom’s acting from the gifs I have seen.

I think I heard the fighting pits are only from Mushroom’s account, who was not in King’s Landing at the time.

Y’all realize that Mysaria implied that Daemon preferred young girls as well. Y’all remember that right?

This already taking too long. This should be more about politics than finding Aegon.

I hate Larys. I don’t understand why Otto didn’t have him taken care of. Or Criston.

The fact that I’m guessing we won’t see Alicent destroy the model of Valyria is a CRIME.

Olivia deserves all the awards. But my gosh he was her ABUSER. Why can’t the writers acknowledge that?

Rhaenys’ son wasn’t just cuckholded. They think he was MURDERED

Why are they concerned about Rhaenys’ dragon? They have Vhagar? VHAGAR! And then Aegon and Helaena are riders too? They really kept Rhaenys here to kill smallfolk huh.

Also, I love Alicent being the one to offer Baela getting the Driftwood throne.

Rhaenys, you have no room to talk. You did the same thing. You let your husband try to sell your twelve year old daughter to the king.

And of course Alicent never imagined herself on the throne. She’s not a Targaryen by blood. She has no right to it.

Did they bring back Mysaria so we could remember she was a character that will be important next season?

Mysaria, girly, you were ready to give Daemon young girls. And the gold cloaks were emboldened by Daemon.

They really do make these characters we haven’t noted or haven’t Ben highlighted all season and make them randomly important.

Aegon wanting his mother immediately. Lol

But I’m pretty sure Aegon was found under the candles Alicent and Rhaenyra lit for their mothers. The candle Rhaenyra prayed that her father would see her. 😭 can’t tell if that was on purpose.

Aegon literally went for the one she his brother has. Most realistic brotherly relationship in this entire series.

We should have gotten more of Alicent and her father being on opposite sides of the Greens.

I hate when Otto brings up his wife to Alicent and comparing her to him because we don’t know who she is. I honestly thought Viserys was in love with her and that is why he had her wear her mother’s dress when she went to Viserys

I hate that they have the crippled man a foot fetish. Imagine if they gave fan favorite Tyrion a height fetish. And good lord they really did not know what to do with Larys. I truly think they wanted to avoid him being too much like how Littlefinger was with Sansa.

Can we have ONE feminine woman in the showverse with a nice sex scene? All we have is Cat and Ned but that was barely a scene.

Those twin Kingsguard just make no sense. They weren’t characters in the show prior to this moment. At least with Harwin we got to see him.

Did they kill Aegon’s bastard too?

Sir. You are dressed as a Kingsguard. People will freaking notice you. You should have changed when you decided to help Rhaenys

The way Aegon started to tear up when he saw his father’s dagger 😭

So I’m betting some of those people Rhaenys was jostled with will be some of the people she murders. And she won’t care.

What throne is that in the coronation? It was the one during the great council in the prologue. But what throne is that?

And we don’t actually see any of the people needing to be encouraged to clap. They just did it on their own. They don’t care.

Ugh. Tom’s acting. I’m sorry, but Team Green as a whole has such great acting. Team Black got the short end of the stick because the writers just assumed they would be liked.

Lol, the random extra that coughed in the background.

Do you think Helaena looked away because she knows this crown will kill her family?

Gosh, Tom hearing the bells and the crowd cheer. It’s like this switch. The opposite of what happened with D.

And it truly shows the people don’t care. And tbh, the people probably know Aegon more than the other royals.

So, did Rhaenyra put on that armor all by herself because that would have taken time.

And so Team Black are now the first ones to draw blood in the Dance. I don’t think the writing team realized or understood that.

And you have OTTO falling for the doors to be open for the sake of the people. Good lord.

And Alicent telling Criston to get to Helaena. And Alicent standing in front of a dragon to protect her son.

Looked kick butt, but ultimately a stupid final scene.

If the writers had any sense they would point out that Rhaenys murdering a bunch of smallfolk is the death nail in the Blacks getting any love from the people they wish more directly to rule.

If the writers had any wisdom, they would let rumors spread amongst the smallfolk about Alicent facing a dragon for the sake of their king.

In the promo for the next episode, it has Rhaenys call the Targaryen-Hightowers “he Greens” but have they actually been called that in the show at all?

#house of the dragon #boundless watches

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delta-queerdrant · 1 year

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banjos in space (Caretaker, s1 e1/2)

Prologue

A nice pickle we have landed ourselves into, Mr. Frodo! The internet informs me that there are 172 episodes of Star Trek Voyager. I am, in fact, capable of finishing things; just recently, I reread Middlemarch like an absolute fucking boss. I have written novels and completed thousand-mile road trips. Let us choose to believe that this project that I have quixotically set myself, for an audience of, approximately, no one, will be a successful one.

I will not be summarizing episodes. I expect these reviews to be 80% sentiment and 20% analyzing story mechanics. To crib a line from a podcast I like, this is a feelings blog about starships.

The prose will be more or less silly and stream-of-consciousness as the mood takes me. Despite being a Digital Native(tm), I have literally never figured out the trick of talking like I live on the internet, instead I alternate between sounding like Angela Chase writing in her diary and like a college professor who is prone to multisyllabic words, malapropisms, and deducting points for misplaced commas.

Hmm, I seem to be stalling.

Let’s Talk About Caretaker

I started watching Voyager midway through the series’ original run, so my fondness for these episodes is less weighted down with early adolescent emotion. Nevertheless, I was charmed.

Caretaker is just shy of being a banger pilot episode, and the whole first season is pretty strong if you compare it to, say, season one of TNG. (It’s a low bar.) We meet our two crews, we have a lively science fiction mystery that feels extremely Star Trek with its gentle horror-adjacent tropes and insistence on making the cultural referents of the twentieth-century US central to this multi-species science fiction universe. If nothing else, it’s a romp.

The worst thing about this episode, hands down, is Tom Paris, our bad boy rapscallion who turns a new leaf under duress. As a young person I received each of these characters in exactly the way I was meant to receive them; i.e. I found Tom Paris to be charming comic relief.

Does he become charming? In this episode I want to punch his face, a lot, and the sentiment holds throughout season one. It is, of course, the nineties, and so the only character with an unmarked identity (straight white male, not an alien or a hologram) is centered in the pilot episode of our ensemble show. In the process, he goes through a season’s worth of character growth in ninety minutes, to the detriment of future episodes.

The fandom was right and he and Harry Kim (whose only attribute here is BABY) have hilariously good chemistry. (”Look, I know those guys told you to stay away from me,” he purrs to Kim during the mess hall follow-up to their meet-cute.) Why do the good girls always want the bad boys? Don’t fall for his rakish charms, Harry, you can do so much better, even if you have only been given half a personality.

We meet the Ocampa, who seem to live in a subterranean shopping mall or perhaps an airport terminal, and the Kazon-Ogla, who are bargain-bin Klingons without the cool factor or (so far) cultural nuance. I do not love an SFF property with “good” and “bad” species, and find Janeway’s pivotal decision to destroy the Caretaker’s array a bit suspect as a result, but it is a Star Trek, but here we are.

Other than Robert Duncan McNeill, who has been given an impossible script, it feels like all of the actors know their assignments out of the gate. There are so many cute as shit platonic friendships in this show; I love B’Elanna and Harry’s rapport (”Starfleet”). Also, Neelix. I am going on the record here to confess that I am probably going to be a Neelix apologist for the duration of this rewatch. He is just a darling hot mess of a space hobbit, and I find Ethan Phillip’s performance weirdly compelling and nuanced. I won’t be papering over his sexism, which should have been handled with more care. But so far he is absolutely the most plausible and lived-in character in this whole ridiculous show.

Kate Mulgrew’s Janeway, of course, is a close contender. She is so fucking good from scene one (walking so fast to keep up with McNeill’s long gait) - just absolutely sparkling with charisma, and with a warm, self-assured carriage that makes her effortless at inhabiting this role. “Confirmed, a hot lady,” my notes read (yes I was taking notes about this rewatch for myself like an absolute nerd).

We don’t get much backstory for her in season one, other than here, where we meet her dry-toast fiance, and much more importantly, MOLLIE. I had forgotten about Mollie, and holy crap, never mind the trauma and pining and muted sexual confusion that will accompany this character on her journey through the Delta Quadrant - SHE LEFT HER DOG BEHIND!?

^^^ ICONIC. Mark can’t even get an arm around her shoulder because Mollie is the cockblocker of our hearts. Love this for all concerned

Anyway. Our characters are thrown together and overcome adversity, Janeway blows up the array, and we get a rushed conclusion and a mission-statement speech that all feel terribly unearned. There’s nothing much to say about the Maquis subplot here, because the show just... doesn’t grapple with it, at least not in the first season. The very premise that our intrepid crew can only operate this starship by adopting the political structure of the dominant majority deserves interrogation, but nah.

We were never going to get a politically radical Voyager. Still, we could have gotten a politically conscious one. It’s a shame, because these actors and even, I dare say, writers were obviously up to the task of having a more nuanced conversation about leadership and workplace politics and whether an ostensibly egalitarian society’s professional adventurer/diplomats can only function under a military command structure.

But we’re at the beginning, and we don’t know any of that yet. Anything could happen! We’re lost in the woods, in the middle of our lives, looking for our way home.

#star trek voyager #rewatch #janeway #star trek #dogs of trek

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deadcactuswalking · 1 year

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 03/12/2022 (Christmas Garbage, Stormzy)

I think this’ll be a short one. Taylor Swift’s “Anti-Hero” reigns for a sixth week and welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

As always, we start with our notable dropouts, which are songs exiting the UK Top 75 – which is what I cover – after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This week, that list includes “Major Distribution” by Drake and 21 Savage, “TV” by Billie Eilish, “One Up” by Central Cee, “She’s Not Anyone” by D-Block Europe featuring Burna Boy, the original “Miss You” by southstar sadly being eclipsed by the Oliver Tree and Robin Schulz version, “STAR WALKIN’” (League of Legends Worlds Anthem) by Lil Nas X, “Super Freaky Girl” by Nicki Minaj, “2 be Loved (Am I Ready)” by Lizzo and some really big 2022 hits saying farewell: “Big City Life” by Luude and Mattafix, “Last Last” by Burna Boy, and “Running up that Hill (A Deal with God)” by Kate Bush. Oh, and “Bad Habits” by Ed Sheeran is gone but it’ll be back. To be fair, most of this will be after Christmas.

One thing I appreciate about ACR is that in a year wherein festive celebrations came earlier than seemingly ever, there aren’t four Christmas songs in the top 10 like in the US, and we had more of a trickling in effect than Stateside. That doesn’t mean that our notable gains and returns aren’t largely dominated by holiday music, however. In terms of where our three highest-performing festive tracks are, “Merry Christmas” by Ed Sheeran and Elton John is at #15, “Last Christmas” by Wham! is at #9 and, to prove ACR’s impact, “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey is at #8. Without ACR, it’d top this week’s chart. We also see 14 returning entries from the Christmas canon, so bear with me as we welcome back “Mistletoe” by Justin Bieber at #71, “Feliz Navidad” by Jose Feliciano at #70, “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” by John Lennon and Yoko Ono with the Plastic Ono Band and the Harlem Community Choir at #68, “Sleigh Ride” by the Ronettes at #66, “Snowman” by Sia at #65, “Merry Xmas Everybody” by Slade at #63, “Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!” by Dean Martin at #61, “Holly Jolly Christmas” by Michael Bublé at #60, “One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis at #57, “I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday” by Wizzard at #53, “Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney at #51, “Step into Christmas” by Elton John at #45, “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” by Andy Williams at #44 and “Driving Home for Christmas” by Chris Rea at #42. I wouldn’t usually do this since I name these songs every year but it’s a short episode so I suppose it’s worth listing off my opinions on these songs, in the exact order I mentioned them. So just briefly: better than you remember, mind-numbing, infuriating, a classic, I hope the snowman isn’t autistic, sounds like a drunk dads’ karaoke (in a good way), fine enough, Satan’s spawn, modern classic, disagreeable but good, genuinely bizarre and incomprehensible, jolly good fun, sounds like a warm fireplace and finally, seriously underrated. As of now, there are five Christmas songs in the top 20.

In terms of gains outside of the Christmas songs, there really aren’t many to speak of as most songs found themselves falling or stagnating. Regardless, “Lionheart (Fearless)” by Joel Corry and Tom Grennan is at #22 and Stormzy sees gains for “Firebabe” at #11 and “Hide & Seek” at #7 off of the #1 album (more on that later). Also in the top 10 is a massive gain off of the debut for RAYE’s “Escapism.” featuring 070 Shake at #6. It’s the first top 10 hit for 070 Shake, and whilst I do doubt its longevity considering how opposed it is to sounding festive, I do hope it sticks around. It’s a great song.

This week’s top five on the UK Singles Chart consists of “PSYCHO” by Anne-Marie and Aitch at #5, “Miss You” by Oliver Tree and Robin Schulz at #4, “messy in heaven” by venbee, goddard. and ArrDee at #3, “Made You Look” by Meghan Trainor at #2 and of course, “Anti-Hero” at the top. Now we can go through our list of new entries on the chart, as is the point of this series yet I’ve still not found a good segue. It’s been damn near five years.

NEW ARRIVALS

#52 – “Someday at Christmas” – Lizzo

Produced by the shills over at Amazon

Every Christmas, we get Amazon pushing songs, typically covers, by big artists that are exclusive to their Amazon Music service so that Alexa will play it when someone asks for holiday music and whoever recorded it gets a cheap, Astroturf hit. To me, it kind of ruins the point of a Christmas song to make it exclusive to a service (especially considering the universal and optimistic, hopeful world view of the original song), and it largely makes no impact as the song leaks onto YouTube or... totally legal torrenting sites anyway. “Someday at Christmas” is a classic by Stevie Wonder and is available on all streaming services so it’s really not worth digging a cover up. As a part of my opposition to these sketchy Amazon original covers, I opened this spot up to people on a music Discord server largely centred around the charts to give me suggestions of songs to check out, so in kind of a lightning round, here are 10 songs that the server wanted me to listen to instead of “Someday at Christmas”.

Jade suggested “The Thrill is Gone.” by RAYE, which acts as the B-side to “Escapism.” and in my opinion is worth a single release on its own. RAYE has that typical mix of cold swagger and quivering whisper that works for the uncertain content, desperate for validation from this guy when the thrill in the relationship has just withered away. I do think the chorus is a bit weak but the jazzy groove is top-notch and really organic, especially in the breakdown, with the tempo shifts adding some real sense of dynamics across the arrangement. This new direction from RAYE reminds me of Amy Winehouse and whilst she may not have the punch yet in these singles, she’s got me compelled with these singles and I’m excited for that album.

Piran suggested “player 2” by piri & tommy, a UK garage duo who have learned from the winning formula that is PinkPantheress, mixing the classic groove with bedroom pop sensibilities. This is far from my favourite from their album froge.mp3, especially considering “beachin”, “on & on” and “say it” exist, but it still has that vintage-sounding wave of subtle keys and a thumping beat that is decent. If Tommy Villiers were a vocal presence worth caring about, I’d probably not mind the bog-standard content but in comparison to the more energetic tracks, that chorus feels kind of tedious and piri is obviously the standout in this duo when it comes to the vocalist. Regardless, it’s still got a groove to it, the build-up is well-implemented and its mix is impeccable for its genre – the bass really hits and the vocals are cloudy and all over the mix like they should be in more casual UK garage, but it’s also mostly a demo of a song that feels like it should have been re-recorded somewhere across the line.

Jade also suggested “Zukunft Pink” by Peter Fox featuring Inéz, which is Fox’s first solo release in 14 years and went #1 in Germany. I liked the intro with all the strings coalescing into each other amidst the hand claps, and they definitely carry a grandiosity when the bassy digital dancehall groove comes in. I’m not entirely convinced by Inéz on the hook but Fox’s vocals deliver a bassy rumble that is pretty fitting for this kind of subtly uplifting but also incessantly-flexing track... and compared to your average rap song, it definitely has more of a bounce to it so I’ll take it. Sure, it’s a tad unmoving but when he starts the second verse by dissing Elon Musk and the little chiptune synths arrive in the bridge, I can’t say this isn’t good fun.

Piran also suggested “The Loneliest Time” by Carly Rae Jepsen featuring Rufus Wainwright. Whilst not successful commercially since “I Really Like You”, Jepsen has won with the critics and usually, not me as much. This new single went viral on TikTok and is completely competent with its vaguely disco sound as the strings wrap around an unnecessarily driving beat that, alongside the chipmunk post-chorus, just sounds a bit too awkward. Rufus Wainwright sounds like a Jonas Brother in this but at least with a modern duet, there’s actual interplay and they both have a lot of vocal charisma, getting back together after a breakup because they’re both so irresistible. It’s cute, but the production is too distracting for me to really endorse it fully. I wish I could like Carly Rae Jepsen more than I do but more often than not, whoever’s behind the boards is doing too much. I don’t like bog-standard synthpop but I also don’t understand the need for such maximalism as that bridge with all the sound effects when the songwriting reflects such a simple, instinctual emotion. Something more minimal and striking could have worked here.

Luca suggested “Get with You Tonight” by DJ Mark Night and Lukas Setto, a throwback deep-house tune with a sweet bass hook that pretty much won me over before anything else. That specific tone of synth bass in a funky house context will never not work, and Setto has that kind of liquid voice that just meshes with the production in such an effortless way. Sure, the content isn’t compelling but in a dancefloor smash like this, it doesn’t need to, and the way each falsetto note just perfectly hits on the stabs of the synth strings in harmony makes the chorus seem so cathartic, especially when the verses tend to be slippery with subtle ad-libs. The swell of the production is really grand yet never really oversells itself because the groove is so solid that every other inflection is just a DVD bonus feature. I have no idea why this isn’t a hit, it’s incredible.

Piran also suggested “Weapons” by Ava Max, who sadly started making good music as soon as she stopped charting. Whilst this second album seems set up to be a slump in the eyes of the public, at least I’m enjoying the singles, and this is one of them. Her brand of 80s pastiche has a certain synthwave drive to it, with a delivery so coded in vocal manipulation that any emotion comes off as an act, in a perfectly camp way. If anything, I kind of wish the song was more camp, since the main chorus melody sounds like it should be in a musical and the lead synth is not far from a Phantom of the Opera organ. Regardless, the drums are punchy as Hell and it’s incessantly catchy. It’s not my favourite Ava song – “Maybe You’re the Problem” still has that on lock – but this won’t make a bad album track. If anything, that may be the problem. I’m sure there are songs more single-worthy than this one.

Jade also suggested “Baby Girl” by Disco Lines, which may take a while to explain. Firstly, Adele released the fine enough song “Melt My Heart into Stone” in 2008, and in 2010, Donald Glover took an incredible piano and vocal sample loop from that song that had real flip potential with an actually good rapper on it, but since this is early Childish Gambino, it’s embarrassing and largely cringeworthy, as well as being like two minutes too long with a bad mix. A drumless flip of this loop with Griselda on it, or even a full hip house flip, would work, but alas, it didn’t happen. In 2014, HOME released the vaporwave classic “Resonance” that in the eyes of the Internet came to define the entire movement, with its wavy synths, many of its melodies becoming pretty iconic. Nowadays, I find it pretty rote to be honest, but it’s a solid instrumental that is definitely chill to relax to and the synthwork ends up keeping you on your toes more than you’d think. Colorado DJ Disco Lines took the hook from “Do Ya Like” and the synths from “Resonance”, sped both of them up for TikTok views and made a pretty annoying loop out of it. I appreciate the mashup as I’m a fan of Bastardised pop, especially putting vaporwave with Childish Gambino because well, that’s what he should have always rapped over... but when he’s taking a mediocre hook and splashing it over synths that become less recognisable once you’ve added these bog-standard house drums over it, it just becomes much of a muchness, not really existing in a form that is separable from virality, especially when he starts sampling MLG meme lines. Like come on, at least pretend it’s a real song.

Luca also suggested “CORALINE” by Maneskin, proving my thesis that this band is better in their native tongue. The acoustic backing reminds me of a Latin-inflected Red Hot Chili Peppers with how it makes a surprisingly flickery and upbeat strum sound drained and mellow, and whilst the language barrier does prevent me from fully taking the lyrics in and I can’t comment on their tone because of what may be lost in translation, it’s a pretty compelling and tragic story about a girl called Coraline who seems emblematic of those longing for a release or escape from a constant background of mental trauma. Frontman Damiano David plays it safer with his nasal tone which makes it even more gripping when that first electric guitar riff comes in and he breathily whispers over the tumbling drums, his delivery evolving into a raspy screech as the song intensifies and... yeah, this is exactly my thing. These suggestions have been good, but this one in particular scratches an itch that is so cathartic to me and I don’t get to talk about hard rock nearly enough on this show. David strains himself in his slippery delivery which sounds as messy and difficult to solve as the mental problems he’s describing, especially when his rolling rasp gets more venomous and desperate over the a killer drum fill – I had to search who Maneskin’s drummer was and whilst Thomas Raggi deserves credit for his guitar work, especially on that solo, the drums from Ethan Torchio are just crushing and absorb all space in the mix. It is seriously intense and honestly perfect for this content, especially if restraint wins over sonically as Damiano sounds defeated moaning over the same acoustic riff we started with. It’s a passionate, heartbreaking song that is pretty much up my specific alley in many ways: I live for dramatic alt-rock melancholy, and this is up there. Maybe I shouldn’t write these guys off as much as I do sometimes.

Piran also suggested “Blue” by Sigrid, which is in comparison to the previous song, kind of underwhelming. There isn’t really room for comparison here though as these are pretty much randomly selected tracks. I’m not a fan of Sigrid anyway, but what I’ve heard from her recently doesn’t even have the same punch as her debut, and as a ballad, “Blue” just feels like it exists. It almost has a country twang in its acoustics but watered down so that a Norwegian actually makes sense singing on it. There isn’t enough detail to the content to make it all that distinguishable, and it probably needed some extra drafts so that the writing weren’t so repetitive, especially if as a song it’s going to be this cloudy and unmoving. Sigrid is a great singer for sure, and she delivers vocally here, but she’s selling very little over a song that doesn’t even have a typical power ballad swell. This is just... completely fine, and that’s pretty much it.

Finally, Jade also suggested... “Vagina” by cupcakKe. You know, the blaring instrumental of this song sounds really dated for 2015, especially considering that a lot of other trap from that era has not aged one bit, and the rattling lo-fi percussion is pretty distracting, especially with the twinkling bells that are loud enough in the mix to annoy me. It’s just a bit of an instrumental headache and it really is unfortunate that there is not a comically obnoxious female rapper talking explicitly about sex over this beat. I get we can’t have everything we want.

Of course, we can’t exactly have a Best or Worst of the Week for this week, so I may as well replicate it for this section: my favourite was by far “CORALINE” by Maneskin but “Get with You Tonight” by Mark Night and Lukas Setto gets pretty close – turns out Luca suggested both. I’m not really a fan of all of them, but it’s mostly a good batch and the only track I’d say I dislike is “Baby Girl” by Disco Lines, but even that is only less than two minutes and has some decent ideas going for it. A big thank you is due to everyone who suggested, of course. Oh, and if you’re forgetting what this show is about:

#32 – “This is What I Mean” – Stormzy

Produced by P2J, Knox Brown, PRGRSHN and Joel Peters

Stormzy feels confused. This arguably maturer, slower effort This is What I Mean still gave him a #1 album but sonically, he seems too ambitious for his own will. He’s still a great rapper, yet he spends a great deal of his time singing. He has an ear for great production, but doesn’t develop upon the foundation enough. The beats are all immaculately mixed for the most part and definitely intricately sequenced but in the Jacob Collier fashion wherein very little soul is brought to the table and we’re relying on Stormzy for the emotional impact... which is just not going to come through since whilst he has a resonant voice in rap, he’s not going to tug at your heartstrings in R&B mode. Also, Jacob Collier helped produce the album – go figure. It’s a conflicted album that is less than the sum of its parts but ultimately delivers a pretty apt path for Stormzy to go from here, even if this album is far from perfect. My favourite track was the sweet, retrospective “I Got My Smile Back” which is way too wholesome for me not to dig, but the title track does get close, mostly because it’s a grime posse cut and those rarely fail. Stormzy handles most of the track, which mixes a fluttering romanticist piano with pulsating, warping bass and a genuine swell in the strings for the intro, before flattening into staccato harmonies and shrieks for Stormzy to start going off... and he does. There’s not much wordplay, but his sheer cold confidence and playfulness with his flow is more than enough to make up for it, especially when all of the vocal loops create an incomprehensible, bassy mess that he somehow still stands out against, before the grimey, filthy bass beat comes in and he can slide over it as he usually does, with effortless swagger and a wonderful blend of ad-libs and sound effects that are all so intricately placed to fit with Stormzy’s flow that it sounds like it took weeks. For the third verse and the bridge, Ms Banks comes in to trade bars with Stormzy, appearing on a distorted phone call verse that has a striking yell to it, right before Ghanaian singer Amaarae comes in and kills it with her convicted swells, venomous chants and violent, eerie harmonies perfectly aligned with the strings. I think it’s pretty hilarious that the week after Stormzy called himself Kanye, he said that he vibed with Hitler, but when you sit on an album for this long, some of it can age... not quite so well. The track ends with an infectious chant and hypeman outro from Black Sherif that goes pretty hard, and whilst I wish it ended up with a more solid bang and really, it fails to set the stage for how the album actually sounds, it’s great on its own and definitely has single material.

Conclusion

Well, I suppose Stormzy, Ms Banks, Amaarae and Black Sherif get Best of the Work for “This is What I Mean” but there’s not exactly competition, especially since Lizzo’s cover is only a negative on principle and is honestly a pretty fine, faithful rendition. As for next week, I imagine it’ll mostly be more Christmas garbage, but for now, thanks for reading, rest in peace to Irene Cara and Christine McVie, and I’ll see you next week!

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snoozeboxgames · 2 years

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Chapter 30 Episode Script

Narrator: Welcome back to the L, the O, the V, E… Um... Island. Dammit, Tim made it sound much better over the phone. Previously, Tom went for a makeover...

Tom: I feel like I'd like to loosen up...

Narrator: Wouldn't we all, mate. And Will took Player by surprise with a sudden confession...

Will: Like the ocean breeze on a morning kind of serious.

Narrator: Coming up! The girls have all the power in the recoupling to end all recouplings… Well, until the next one, anyway.

Player: The person I want to couple up with is...

Narrator: The other girls are already on their way to the firepit, but our Player just can't make up her mind on what to wear. We've all been there. Or at least, I would be if my luggage hadn't been lost.

Player (thinking): Ah, everyone's already gone to the firepit, I need to decide on what to wear!

Player: This should turn a few heads...

Narration: Just then, there's a knock at the door.

Player: Um, come in?

Narration: The door opens and Tom/Cora walks in.

Tom/Cora: Hey, you.

{if new outfit}

Tom/Cora: Woah! You're really going all out for tonight, eh? You look stunning!

{if banana costume}

Narration: Tom/Cora goes to speak but stops.

Tom/Cora: That's... an outfit choice you've made.

Player: A good one.

Tom/Cora: A one for sure!

{if hotdog costume}

Tom/Cora: When you said you'd be wearing something ‘hot', this isn't what I imagined… But you somehow pull it off.

{else}

Tom/Cora: Oh, cute! I love you in that outfit.

Tom/Cora: You look nice tonight.

Player: Thanks!

{if Cora}

Narration: Cora continues to stand in the doorframe.

Player (thinking): Cora's not saying anything…

CHOICE: Did you need something?

Narration: Cora smiles, then clears her throat.

Cora: Ha, no…

CHOICE: Are you lost?

Narration: Cora smiles, then clears her throat.

Cora: Ha, no...

CHOICE: Just can't keep away from me, eh?

Narration: Cora pulls gently at her clothing.

Cora: Well, about that...

Cora: Ugh, sorry, I'm just trying to find the right words. What I'm trying to say is... you need to look for someone else tonight.

Player: If I go before you, you mean?

Cora: Yeah. I see us as more of a friendship couple at this point… And I need a better chance at romance in here.

Player (thinking): Cora's told me not to pick her tonight…

CHOICE: That's fine, hun

Player: I understand where you're coming from with the ‘Villa being a buffet' thing.

Narration: Cora lets out a breath.

Cora: I knew you'd understand. But I'm glad to hear you say it out loud.

CHOICE: I wish we could have made it

Player: Especially after last night...

Narration: Cora sighs.

Cora: I said at the time, it was just some fun… I'm sexually attracted to you, but not romantically. I am sorry it got complicated, though. This always happens to me. It's not like this has come out of nowhere. I told you before that I'm not interested in you that way.

CHOICE: I wasn't going to anyway

Narration: Cora smiles.

Cora: Excellent. I'm glad we're on the same page here, babe. And whoever you pick tonight is going to be the luckiest person out there.

Cora/Tom: I'm just wondering if you had any thoughts on who you were going to pick tonight?

Player: Many.

{if Tom}

Tom: Ha, yeah, of course. Well, I know you might still have feelings for Bruno/James/Najuma... But am I in your sights at all?

Player: What are you asking?

Tom: I've really grown fond of you in the few days we've been together. I'd hate to lose you now… So, if you're up for it, I'd like you to pick me.

Narration: Tom winces slightly as the words leave his mouth.

Player (thinking): Tom's asking me to pick him tonight…

CHOICE: Of course I will!

Narration: Tom beams with delight.

Tom: Really? I promise you won't regret this!

Narration: Tom goes to give you a hug, then stops, then starts again, then settles on a handshake.

Player: Alright, calm down.

Tom: Ah! Sure, sure...

CHOICE: I don't think so, sorry

Narration: Tom’s face falls.

Tom: Oh… Well. Whoever you pick tonight will be the luckiest Islander in here.

CHOICE: I don't know who I'm picking

Tom: I get that. Leaving it up to how the mood takes you, yeah? It's a tough decision. Whoever you pick tonight will be the luckiest Islander in here.

Narration: Tom/Cora sighs.

Tom/Cora: Well, I've said what I needed to. I'll see you at the firepit.

Narration: At the firepit, the boys are already standing, while the girls sit on the bench. You take your place next to Thabi.

Thabi: I can't believe we're picking...

Player (thinking): Thabi looks nervous…

CHOICE: Do you know who you want?

Narration: She looks down to the ground.

Thabi: I do… But I'm still making sure it seems right in my head.

CHOICE: We have the power!

Narration: She smiles.

Thabi: That's easy for you to say. You're always so confident, but I just hate making these decisions.

CHOICE: My stomach's doing flips

Thabi: Doing somersaults?

Player: And tying itself in intricate knots, too.

Thabi: Ouch. Well, at least there aren't any butterflies to go with it.

Player: Give it time. I'm sure they'll hatch soon.

Thabi: ... Gross.

Narration: Just then, your phone pings loudly.

Player: Oh! I've got a text.

Narrator: Player, you are the first to pick the Islander you wish to couple up with.

Player (thinking): I'm first to pick…

CHOICE: Yes! Time to choose

Narration: You smile wide as you scan the boys.

Bruno: Is it just me, or is Player looking a little scary...

CHOICE: Ah, the pressure

Valentina: It's OK, hun. Just follow your heart. Or your libido. Whatever works for you.

CHOICE: Someone else want to go?

Narration: The girls look at you.

Thabi: That's not how it works, I don't think.

Valentina: It's OK, hun. Just follow your heart. Or your libido. Whatever works for you.

Narration: You take a breath.

Player: OK...

Player: I'm choosing this person because…

CHOICE: ... they're kind

Narration: The boys look at one another.

CHOICE: ... they make me laugh

Narration: Bruno and Najuma glance at one another. The boys glance at Bruno.

CHOICE: ... they're really hot

Narration: The boys glance at Youcef, then one each other.

Valentina: Well, that could be anyone, really.

Narration: You smile.

Player: And although we've…

CHOICE: ... had our ups and downs

Youcef: Your journey in here has been like a rough sea.

CHOICE: ... not always been together

Narration: Bruno/James/Najuma's eyes widen.

CHOICE: ... had to overcome so much

Narration: Bruno/James/Najuma nods.

Player (thinking): I just want to…

CHOICE: ... have quality time with this person

Narration: Everyone leans in closer.

CHOICE: ... finally be with this person

Narration: Everyone leans in closer.

CHOICE: ... squeeze this person's butt

Player: As long as they'll let me, of course.

Narration: You pause.

Player: For those reasons...

Player (thinking): The person I want to couple up with is…

CHOICE: Bruno

Narration: Bruno jumps up and down.

Bruno: Yes! Come on my son! Get in there!

Angie: I take it you're happy with Player's decision?

Bruno: You're bloody right I am!

Narration: Youcef leans over to Kobi.

Youcef: ‘Come on my son'?

Kobi: It's a footie thing, mate.

Youcef: Oh.

CHOICE: James

Narration: A large smile spreads across James’ face.

James: I knew we'd get together again.

CHOICE: Najuma

Narration: You see tears forming in Najuma’s eyes.

Najuma: Babe! We're together again!

CHOICE: Tom {if not coupled}

Narration: Tom's eyes widen.

Tom: Well, this is unexpected...

Player: Are you complaining?

Tom: Did I sound like I was?

CHOICE: Tom {if coupled}

Narration: Tom grins at you.

Tom: I knew you'd stick to your word.

CHOICE: Will

Tom/Cora: I didn't see that coming...

Angie: I don't think any of us did.

Narration: Valentina claps her hand over her mouth. The rest of the Islanders stare in shock. Thabi looks a little less surprised than the others. Will smiles sweetly at you.

[your partner]: Bruno/James/Najuma/Tom/Will

Player (thinking): How should I react to [your partner]?

CHOICE: Hug [your partner]

Narration: The two of you waste no time in wrapping your arms around one another.

[your partner]: I've missed this so much!

[your partner]: I could get used to this.

CHOICE: Nod to [your partner]

Narration: The two of you beam at each other.

CHOICE: Smooch [your partner] on the lips

Narration: [your partner] smiles. You pull [your partner]'s face into yours and firmly press your lips together. It's not the most elegant of kisses, but you feel the warmth that radiates from it.

[your partner]: I've missed this so much!

[your partner]: I could get used to this.

[your partner]: I knew you'd wait for me.

Player: I'm a woman of my word.

[your partner]: I thought you said you wouldn't wait for me...

Player: I changed my mind. How could I not be with you?

{if Cora}

Narration: You see Cora give you a cheeky wink and a thumbs up.

Player (thinking): The buffet really is chaotic at times...

{if Tom and promised to choose him}

Player (thinking): I wonder if Tom will find the right person?

Narration: You look across from you and notice Tom’'s face is flushed. It looks like he’s holding back a sob. Tom glances away when he notices you looking.

Player (thinking): I did promise Tom that I'd pick him...

Player: Oops!

{if Tom}

Narration: You glance across and notice Tom looking straight into the fire. The flames dance across his eyes. After a while, Tom looks up and notices you staring. He gives you a warm smile in response.

Player (thinking): It looks like Tom isn't too bothered that I didn't pick him. I told him I wouldn't, after all.

{if promised Bruno/James/Najuma}

Narration: [your partner] sits down with you. You see Bruno/James/Najuma turn away.

Player (thinking): I did tell Bruno/James/Najuma that I'd wait for them… But a girl's mind can change.

Narration: Out of the corner of your eye, you see Bruno/James/Najuma’s gazing at you. Bruno/James/Najuma’s expression is hard to read.

Player (thinking): I hope they’re OK with this…

Narration: Just then, another phone pings. Najuma stands up.

Najuma: It's no secret that me and this guy have been hitting it off pretty hard. Not only is he ridiculously hot, we've also started to really get to know one another… So, tonight, the boy I'm choosing to recouple with is Youcef.

Narration: The Islanders cheer. Youcef stands and spreads his arms, welcoming a hug.

Player (thinking): Najuma chose to recouple with Youcef…

CHOICE: You go, girl!

Narration: She smiles at you quickly, before embracing Youcef.

CHOICE: I'd be the filling in that sandwich

[your partner]: What was that, babe?

Player: Oh, um, nothing…

Narration: After a tight embrace, Najuma and Youcef pull away.

CHOICE: They'll run out of steam

[your partner]: What was that, babe?

Player: Oh, um, nothing…

Narration: After a tight embrace, Najuma and Youcef pull away.

Narration: The two of them sit next to each other, hand-in-hand.

Thabi: I wonder who's next...

Narration: Thabi's phone goes off.

Thabi: Oh! It's me.

Narration: She glances around the boys, then takes a breath.

Thabi: This choice might come as a bit of a surprise to everyone… Even I had a bit of a double-take moment when I thought about it. But recently, I've seen a new side to this boy.

Narration: The Islanders look around at each other, confused.

Thabi: The way he's begun to open up… see him in a new light.

Thabi: We've always been friends in here, but the more we spoke, the more I realised how much we had in common.

Thabi: And I feel like this boy gets me in a way that no one else does. So for that reason, the boy I want to couple up with tonight is… Tom/Bruno.

Bruno: Woah! Where'd that come from?

Narration: Tom/Bruno also looks surprised, but he grins back at Thabi.

Player (thinking): Thabi chose to couple up with Tom/Bruno!

CHOICE: Treat her well, Tom/Bruno.

Narration: He laughs.

Tom/Bruno: Of course I will.

CHOICE: Where'd that come from?

Youcef: What made you go off Will?

Thabi: Is it really that surprising?

CHOICE: Talk about a twist

Thabi: Is it really that surprising?

Narration: Thabi laughs.

Thabi: Let's just say that someone...

Narration: She looks at you.

Thabi: ... helped me realise that I didn't need to settle for someone just because I wanted them before.

Thabi: I just realised that I didn't need to settle for someone just because I wanted them before.

Narration: Tom/Bruno comes over and she gives him a hug. They take a seat together.

Valentina: I can't stand this suspense! Please, please, pleeease let me be next.

Narration: A phone pings.

Cora: That was mine. Sorry, babe.

Valentina: Dammit, of course...

Angie: Looks like it's going to be between you and me, love.

Narration: Cora beams at the remaining boys.

Cora: Luckily the boy I want is still right there! He's got great energy… And I could see the two of us getting up to mischief.

Cora: Plus we both play instruments, so we could totally start a band! I don't even mind his terrible humour. I find it charming! So for those reasons and a bajillion more, the boy I wish to couple up with is… Bruno/Will.

Narration: Bruno punches the air.

Bruno: Go on my son!

Narration: Will smiles, looking relieved.

Player (thinking): Cora chose Bruno/Will…

CHOICE: You're meant to be!

Cora: We'll see about that. Bruno needs to keep impressing me.

Narration: Bruno quickly flexes.

Bruno: Doing anything for you?

Narration: Will gives her an intense stare.

Will: Is this working?

Cora: I'll let you know later.

CHOICE: They're an odd couple

[your partner]: Yeah, I'm surprised! Maybe they'll be really good for each other. Or a total train wreck...

Player: Choo-choo, all aboard!

CHOICE: Bet you a fiver they're over tomorrow

[your partner]: Do you even have money on you?

Player: Nah, we can sort out the specifics after the summer.

Narration: Cora and Bruno/Will take their seat next to the firepit, leaving Kobi, Juliet, and Angie standing.

Juliet: I could really use some luck right about now...

Narration: Her phone pings.

Juliet: Oh! And I got it!

Narration: Valentina rolls her eyes.

Valentina: Great...

Juliet: The boy I want to pick is one of the biggest sweethearts in here. He's kind-hearted, loving, funny... and buff. When I think of the time we've had in here, I get so emotional...

Narration: She fans at her eyes.

Juliet: I just wish I could have been in from the beginning so we would have had more time together.

Player (thinking): She must be about to say who she's picking soon.

Juliet: When I was born...

Player (thinking): Or not.

Juliet: ... my parents said I had a veil over my face.

Angie: Oh! That's an en caul birth. They're super rare.

Juliet: Exactly, it's a sign of great fortune for the baby. And being able to pick this man tonight, I can finally see it's coming true.

Valentina: Oh my goodness, get on with it.

Juliet: Ah, right, yes, so, the boy I want to couple up with tonight is… Kobi!

Narration: He beams at her and stands.

Player (thinking): Juliet coupled up with Kobi…

CHOICE: Nice one, hun

Narration: Juliet gives you a grateful smile as Kobi comes over to give her a hug.

CHOICE: That speech was a thing

[your partner]: A long thing for sure.

Narration: Juliet frowns at you as Kobi comes over to give her a hug.

CHOICE: Yeah, whatever

Narration: You pop your mouth open and widen your eyes.

Player: I'm so shocked right now.

Narration: Juliet frowns at you as Kobi comes over to give her a hug.

{alternate 1}

Narration: Angie and Valentina are the last girls left to choose. Will and Youcef remain standing. One of the girls' phone pings.

Valentina: Ah! It's me! Mine! My phone! I'm not going last!

Narration: Valentina excitedly claps her hands together.

Valentina: Right! This is gonna be short and sweet as Juliet went on for so long my feet got tired.

Valentina: I'm going to couple up with this boy because he's fit.

James: That's it?

Valentina: I told you, short and sweet.

Valentina: That's why I'm choosing James/Will.

Narration: The Islanders applaud.

Player (thinking): Valentina picked James/Will…

CHOICE: I mean, he is fit

Valentina: Right? It's a no brainer.

CHOICE: Um, congrats?

Valentina: Thanks!

CHOIC: Speech!

Valentina: No, my feet are screaming.

Narration: Valentina moves quickly towards the seat. James/Will goes to give her a hug.

Valentina: Hi, babe, yes, yes, cuddle me on the sofa, I really need to sit.

Narration: They quickly sit down. Valentina stretches her legs up and puts them on James/Will's lap.

Valentina: So much better.

Narration: Angie looks at both Youcef and Will and sighs.

Angie: On one hand, I get to decide between two incredible boys. But I'm also about to put someone at risk of being going home… I've not had the best luck in here so far, so I'm going to pick the guy I think would work best for me. The guy that I could actually see something happening with. So for that reason, the boy I'm picking tonight is...

Narration: Both Will and Youcef's expressions are unreadable.

Angie: ... Youcef.

Narration: Thabi covers her mouth in a gasp.

Najuma: Will...

Narration: Youcef comes over to give Angie a hug. Will remains standing alone. He smiles lopsidedly.

Will: Guess it's my time.

{alternate 2}

Narration: Only James remains standing. His phone beeps.

Narrator: James, as you are the last boy standing you need to pick which girl you want to couple up with.

Narration: Valentina stands up with Angie and links arms with her. She says something you can't hear. James takes a deep breath.

James: I wasn't expecting this tonight. You're both really amazing girls, and I don't want either of you to go… But I have to go with what feels right. This girl always says it like it is. She's So that's why I'm picking… Valentina.

Valentina: Oh!

Narration: Valentina throws her arms around Angie.

Angie: It's OK. It was my time.

Narration: Angie stands in front of the others. Alone.

Angie: Unless there's a new boy hiding in a bush somewhere, looks like I'm single. It's probably my time to say goodbye…

Player (thinking): Angie/Will might be getting dumped…

CHOICE: How did this happen?

Narration: Angie/Will shrugs with a laugh.

Angie/Will: No one picked me, obviously. Luck of the draw, I guess…

CHOICE: Is this goodbye?

CHOICE: Maybe you'll stay?

Angie/Will: I'm no third wheel.

Narration: Angie/Will’s phone pings.

Angie/Will: I guess this is it… Woah, what?

[your partner]: What is it? Read it out!

Narrator: Angie/Will, you've ended up single in tonight's recoupling, but this isn't the end of your time in the Villa. Tonight, the other Islanders must vote on who they think is the least compatible couple. That couple will then be dumped. As you are single, you are safe from this vote.

Angie/Will: I'm... safe?

Juliet: And now none of us are...

Player (thinking): We have to vote off the least compatible couple…

CHOICE: What if we get voted off?

[your partner]: I just hope that doesn't happen...

CHOICE: It'll be OK

Player: At least, I hope so.

CHOICE: Why's it never simple?

[your partner]: It wouldn't be the Villa if it was.

[your partner]: I guess we should go off and figure out who we want to send home...

Player: Yeah...

Narration: You look around at the others.

Kobi: Oh, man... this is gonna be tough.

Narration: Everyone slowly departs from the firepit, except Angie/Will, who just watches the flames burn. You and [your partner] take a seat on the loungers.

[your partner]: So we're deciding who to send home. Let's start with Thabi and Tom/Bruno.

Player (thinking): I think Thabi and Tom

CHOICE: ... are super compatible

[your partner]: Really? I was surprised when she chose him. But maybe she sees something in him I don't…

[your partner]: I guess the big question here is, if they do become a power couple, could that threaten us?

CHOICE: ... won't last

[your partner]: Yeah, I hear where you're coming from. But maybe Thabi will bring something out of him that we're not expecting?

[your partner]: I guess the big question here is… Do we think Tom and Thabi are the least compatible out of everyone here?

CHOICE: ... are an odd couple

[your partner]: Yeah, there's no doubt about that. But her speech made me think that there could be something there, you know? He is coming out of his shell, so maybe we'll see a better side to him?

[your partner]: I guess the big question here is… Do we think Tom and Thabi are the least compatible out of everyone here?

CHOICE: ... could be a power couple

[your partner]: I guess we'll see if they fancy each other after all.

[your partner]: I guess the big question here is, if they do become a power couple, could that threaten us?

Player (thinking): I think Thabi and Bruno…

CHOICE: … are super compatible

[your partner]: Yeah, I'm surprised they haven't got together sooner, to be honest. They're a lovely couple.

[your partner]: I guess the big question here is, if they do become a power couple, could that threaten us?

CHOICE: … won’t last

[your partner]: Really? I honestly think they're one of the strongest couples here. They've always been close mates.

[your partner]: I guess the big question here is… Do we think Bruno and Thabi are the least compatible out of everyone here?

CHOICE: … could be a power couple

[your partner]: A hundred percent, yes. They've always been super close with one another.

[your partner]: I guess the big question here is, if they do become a power couple, could that threaten us?

Player: Yeah...

[your partner]: Voting them off would mean losing Thabi. I'm not OK with that, honestly. She's only just found a guy that's right for her.

Player: So what should we do?

[your partner]: Don't worry, we don't need to vote right now. But let's make piles...

Narration: [your partner] grabs a couple of cushions and puts them in front of them.

[your partner]: One pile has the couples who we definitely don't want to leave. One pile has the ones who we might vote to leave.

[your partner]: Which one do Thabi and Tom/Bruno fall into?

Player (thinking): Do I want to put Thabi and Tom/Bruno at risk of being dumped?

CHOICE: Maybe

[your partner]: Seriously?

Player: Yes.

[your partner]: Alright, if you're sure.

Narration: [your partner] mimics dropping the couple onto the 'maybe' cushion.

CHOICE: No

[your partner]: Yeah, that seemed like a bit of a no brainer.

Narration: [your partner] mimics dropping the couple onto the 'no' cushion.

CHOICE: I pass

[your partner]: Huh, didn't think this one would be tough. Alright, you know how I feel.

Narration: [your partner] mimics dropping the couple onto the 'no' cushion.

[your partner]: Right, let's think about another couple. How about Cora and Bruno/Will?

Player (thinking): Cora and Bruno/Will...

CHOICE: ... could be trouble

[your partner]: You think? I'm not so sure. I don't see Cora sticking with him for long.

CHOICE: ... aren't gonna last

[your partner]: Yeah, I'm with you on that. Cora doesn't strike me as the sort of person who stays with anyone for too long.

CHOICE: ... are too hot to handle

[your partner]: Ha! That's true. But does that mean they'll burn up just as fast?

[your partner]: I don't know if they're the most compatible couple here. I know you and Cora and Kobi are friends...

Player (thinking): I don't know how I'd feel if Cora left...

[your partner]: Where should we put Cora and Bruno/Will?

Player (thinking): Do I want to put Bruno/Will and Cora at risk of being dumped?

CHOICE: Yes

[your partner]: Right, that's them added.

CHOICE: No

[your partner]: Yeah, they're both great.

CHOICE: I have no idea

[your partner]: This is really hard to choose.

Narration: [your partner] sighs.

[your partner]: I'm not keen on doing this… But I'm going to add them to the maybe pile.

Narration: [your partner] wipes at their brow.

[your partner]: That's two couples sorted. Let's talk about Valentina and James/Will next, then.

Player (thinking): Valentina and James/Will..

CHOICE: ... could work well

[your partner]: Agreed. They've been together before...

CHOICE: ... are weird together

[your partner]: Absolutely what I was thinking.

CHOICE: ... could be a threat

[your partner]: You think?

[your partner]: They've been together before.

[your partner]: Maybe they bring out good things in each other.

[your partner]: I could see them either crashing and burning, or becoming a potential power couple...

[your partner]: So what should we do about them?

[your partner]: I'm leaning towards the maybe pile, myself.

[your partner]: I'm leaning towards the no pile myself.

Narration: You hear laughter from somewhere nearby.

Player (thinking): Who's laughing at a time like this?

Player (thinking): Do I want to risk Valentina and James/Will going home?

CHOICE: Maybe

[your partner]: Alright, in they go.

CHOICE: No

[your partner]: Alright, in they go.

CHOICE: I'm passing

[your partner]: Well, as I said, they're going in the maybe pile.

[your partner]: Well, as I said, they're going in the no pile.

Narration: [your partner] leans back.

[your partner]: Right, let's see where we're at…

{alternate 1}

Narration: [your partner] slaps their forehead.

[your partner]: Ha, so far all three couples are in the maybe pile. We've not really made our lives any easier here.

{alternate 2}

Narration: [your partner] whistles through their teeth.

[your partner]: Two of the couples are now in the maybe pile, and only one is in the no.

{alternate 3}

[your partner]: Ah, nice one. We've only got one couple in the maybe pile. This decision doesn't look like it'll be so tough after all…

{alternate 4}

[your partner]: Oh, none of the couples so far are in the maybe pile. We might be going a little soft on them.

Narration: You look up into the clear, starry sky.

Player (thinking): This evening wasn't meant to be so complicated...

Player: So what about Najuma and Youcef?

[your partner]: They've got chemistry for sure!

Player: I could see Najuma and Youcef…

CHOICE: ... going all the way

[your partner]: Yeah, they're both gorgeous and already seem to work well together.

CHOICE: ... burning out quickly

[your partner]: It's definitely on a needle point with those two. They'll either blow up and fizzle out, or they'll end up super strong together.

CHOICE: ... being a power couple

[your partner]: Their whole vibe is very strong already… So do we dump them now to eliminate some competition?

[your partner]: I can't believe I'm saying this...

Player: Do we put Najuma and Youcef at risk of being dumped?

CHOICE: Maybe

[your partner]: Ugh, it pains me to do this as I love both of them… But I think it's the right call.

CHOICE: No

[your partner]: Thank goodness, I really didn't want to see either of them go.

CHOICE: I can't decide!

[your partner]: Yeah, this one is tough. I think they're both great people. I'm going to say...... no!

Player: So, Angie and Youcef.

[your partner]: What are they even doing together?

Player (thinking): What do I think about Angie and Youcef?

CHOICE: I don't know, I think they could work

[your partner]: Yeah, she's not settled for a single guy in here.

CHOICE: Yeah, there's no way they'll work out

[your partner]: Angie's not settled with a single partner she's had in here. I'm not sure what each of them have been missing, though? She's been with good guys, too.

CHOICE: Maybe Youcef is the guy Angie's needed?

[your partner]: Yeah, true. She's not been happy with any of the guys in here, though I can't think why. Some of them have been great!

[your partner]: Maybe Youcef will have that missing ingredient? But do we give them the time to discover that? Or do we dump them? They're not a threat, and I don't want either of them to go. So I'm leaning towards no.

Player (thinking): Let's put them in the…

CHOICE: ... maybe pile

[your partner]: It is what it is, then.

CHOICE: ... no pile

[your partner]: Good, I'm glad we're on the same wavelength.

CHOICE: ... agh, I can't decide!

[your partner]: Alright, I'm just going to go ahead and say no, then.

Narration: [your partner] exhales loudly.

[your partner]: Right, we're so nearly there.

Narration: From the corner of your eye, you notice Kobi poking his head up from the other loungers. He looks directly at you and [your partner]. Juliet's next to him. Her shoulders are hunched.

Player (thinking): Kobi's looking at me and [your partner]...

CHOICE: Wave at him

Narration: You raise your hand and wave.

CHOICE: Stick your tongue out

Narration: You playfully stick your tongue out at him.

CHOICE: Stare back

Narration: You try to lock eyes with him.

Narration: He glances back at Juliet and nods at her.

Player: Huh, what was that about?

[your partner]: What was that?

Player: It feels like Kobi and Juliet are talking about us?

[your partner]: Do you think they're planning on voting for us?

Player (thinking): Are Kobi and Juliet going to vote for us?

CHOICE: It's a coincidence

CHOICE: They'd better not!

CHOICE: He wouldn't do that to me

CHOICE: They might

[your partner]: I hope you're right. There's not much we can do about it if they do.

[your partner]: And I'm not worried. We're one of the longest standing couples...

[your partner]: But we could be in trouble. Especially as we're such a new couple...

[your partner]: OK, well, they're the last couple we need to decide on. I'm gonna be honest, I'm not convinced. I don't see them as a couple. Juliet's speech was so over-the-top, it felt like she was compensating for something.

[your partner]: When she grafted on me, it felt like she meant it.

[your partner]: And she was grafting on Will that time...

[your partner]: And if they are planning on voting for us… It might be wise to vote for them and hope the others have, too.

[your partner]: I know Kobi's your mate in here, but he might also be a threat.

[your partner]: I know it sucks, but it is what it is.

Player (thinking): Should we put Kobi and Juliet at risk of leaving?

CHOICE: Maybe

[your partner]: Yeah, this honestly feels like the easiest one for me. They just don't have a lot of chemistry.

CHOICE: I don't want that

[your partner]: If you're sure? I'd have put them in the maybe pile, but I'll go with your call.

CHOICE: I wish this wasn't happening

[your partner]: I'll take the pressure off you. I'm putting them in the maybe pile. They just don't have a lot of chemistry.

[your partner]: Alright, that's all the couples sorted. Where are we at?

Narration: [your partner] studies the cushions.

{alternate 1}

[your partner]: Damn, all five couples are in the maybe pile. This whole talk didn't help in the slightest.

{alternate 2}

[your partner]: Only one couple is in the no pile. I guess that makes our lives a little easier.

{alternate 3}

[your partner]: Three couples are in the maybe pile. That's not bad going!

{alternate 4}

[your partner]: Only two couples are in the maybe pile! Looks like we did a good job of working out who should go.

{alternate 5}

[your partner]: Only one couple is in the maybe pile… Our decision is made, then.

{alternate 6}

[your partner]: None. We didn't put a single couple into the maybe pile. We're clearly too nice a couple. But we need to put someone up, so I'm going to take the executive decision… Kobi and Juliet. I just don't think they're genuinely compatible.

Narration: You look over and see the other couples making their way back to the firepit.

[your partner]: Looks like the others have made up their minds, too. We should go and cast our vote...

Player (thinking): [your partner] and I are all alone. I could take this moment to kiss [your partner]...

Player: We could go back to the others…

CHOICE (Premium): ... or we could have a snog

[your partner]: Now that's a good distraction...

[your partner]: Just like old times… I'm so happy to be back together with you.

{insert kiss module}

CHOICE: ... and we probably should

[your partner]: Are you sure? You hesitated for a moment. Did you want to say something?

Player (thinking): This might be the only chance I get tonight to kiss [your partner]... Should I go in for the kiss?

CHOICE (Premium): I want to snog your face off

[your partner]: Now that's a good distraction...

[your partner]: Just like old times… I'm so happy to be back together with you.

{insert kiss module}

CHOICE: No, we should head off

[your partner]: Alright, if you say so. Let's go.

Narration: The two of you make your way back to the firepit. Everyone is already standing at the firepit with their phones out. The quiet is broken by a collective pings as everyone's phones go off.

Narrator: Islanders, it's now time to cast your votes on who you think is the least compatible couple. Whichever couple receives the most votes will be dumped from the Villa tonight.

Player: Alright, this is it, voting time...

[your partner]: Remember what we talked about, babe. We've got this. Whoever you pick, I've got your back...

Player (thinking): Which couple should I vote for?

CHOICE: Kobi and Juliet

CHOICE: Thabi and Tom/Bruno

CHOICE: Cora and Bruno/Will

CHOICE: Valentina and James/Will

CHOICE: Najuma and Youcef

CHOICE: Angie and Youcef

Narration: You type their names in and hit send. Soon, silence returns. The ping of everyone's phones breaks it once more.

Narrator: Islanders, the votes have been cast. The couple voted least compatible and who must leave the Villa tonight is...

Narrator: Woah, woah, woah! My intensity meter is going off the charts! It's far too tense to continue. We'll have to resume this when it's back to a safe level. I suggest in the meantime, you all go a grab some tea and biscuits, then return because… Coming up! The result of the votes are revealed, and one couple is dumped from the island...

[your partner]: This hurts...

Narrator: I'll see you there...

#litg2 #litg #fusebox games

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into-september · 2 years

Text

on the crucial importance of comedic timing (”Psychomedian”)

BLAH BLAH SPOILRS BELOW

Here’s a secret: I usually pause and write my commentaries because I’m Like That I guess, but I don’t dare that on the tenuous reality of live streaming over my somewhat shaky VPN. Well! Also it’s in French which I’m still duolingoin’ away on but that only makes it more fun!

And somehow, the episode that has been a fandom joke these last ten months (see what I did there?) turned out to also somehow be one of the best episodes of the season? Let’s investigate why

- I personally find the idea of reminscing about all the times I embarassed myself in front of my crush together with all my friends to be far more cringe than accidentally being a bit weird in front of a Sugar And Sunshine Personified. But as later events in this episode will make clear, Marinette’s view of him is thoroughly distorted by the lens of “what does he think about me” and she doesn’t understand the length of his compassion at all. And this in the episode that already flashbacked to “Puppeteer 2″!

- And so Adrien displays that Marinette is special to him, for something like five minutes of screentime between the end of “Mr. Pigeon 72″ and the beginning of “Psychomedian”. And never again would this development be referenced in the twenty episodes that were to follow. And poor, poor Marinette, so obsessed with coming across as The Perfect Girl He’ll Love, will never know that this is happening when she’s being her goofy self

- Speaking of cringe, I’ll confess I expected That Celebrity Cameo to be just painful, but I really love him! And of course he’s on first-name basis with Marinette already, just like all the other famous people in Paris

- On a scale of one to ten HOW much are Tom and Sabine feeling for poor Luka right now, a little week after Marinette dumped him and she’s already back to scheeming about getting together with Adrien

- One: HOW famous is this guy when he’s let into the inner sanctums of Gabriel Agreste.

- Two: is he calling him “Gabishe”

- I only understand the most basic vocabulary and don’t have THAT big of a cultural appreciation of France, but until the subs drop my headcanon is that Gabriel takes animation Very Seriously and that is why he’s apparently more hesitant about casting Adrien in this than in the Astruc film

- they’re running around the kitchen and this is so cute

- Well, Marinette, I’ll give you one for the guts it takes to do a clowning routine in front of your crush when that is SO not the field in which you feel comfortable

- oh my god is that Bob Roth. it takes so little to make me love this show and he is one of those little joys

- Moral: Comdy is about timing and poor, poor Marinette does not know that she’s being a rank beginner trying to impress one of the masters

- See, I don’t know why their attempts at Big Drama so often fall flat for me, but this? This insignificant moment of a man who has to be on the stage and has to abandon a teenager crying because she embarassed herself in front of her crush? And we’ve known him for like ten minutes, and this is happening in a language I don’t even understand more than “hi” and “my cat eats the pizzas” in? And this legitimately hurts? “this show is sooooo badly written”, sure, let’s roll with that then, but it’s funny how I’ve yet to see people complain about the directing

- Not sure if Hawkie’s going after him because of Marinette or because Bob Roth just crapped on his film plans

- I will never forget this shot of Cat Nor and Ladybug parcouring down between two closely set Parisian buildings. Meow .

- Apparently one of the miraculous superpowers is the abilitiy to keep one eye closed at the time

- I don’t think mere words can ever do justice of the peak comedy that is Ladybug Rage Mode, but I think the absolutely best part of it is how well Cat Noir handles her. If anyone ever needed proof of how he’s her special partner who can work with her like no-one else

- Not a sewer scene, oh my god this episode.

- Oh my god Tikki here. oh my god.

- and of course she promptly destroys her lucky charm and demands the bondage belt instead

- (yes I have read fic where she ties him up with his tail for sexy purposes, it was great)

- it is unforgivable that this battle is happening in Chloé’s bedroom, with Bob Roth crying on her veranda, and she’s not even around for it

- I get the point about the bad writing now. The idea that Chloé Bourgeois would posess black nail polish is painfully contrived, but I think we can all agree that it’s worth it for this sequence of Ladybug Rage Mode beating up an evil clown with Cat Noir just calmly doing some arts’n’crafts in the background

- Why so serious, Bob

- Why did they arrange all those plastic chairs if the only audience was Adrien and his bodyguard and his awkward classmate who at least gets to have this cute moment with him. And we, the audience, is left in anticipation of the day she’ll look back at this and realise that he’d tied her up and carried her around on his stick twenty minutes earlier

- This end card is massively cute and something something Adrien Agreste has no business looking that insecure about wearing a clown nose

#miraculous ladybug #let's watch cartoons

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miraculouscontent · 3 years

Photo

Kagami and Marinette deserve so much better.

Anyway, let’s just start literally where this episode starts, because it makes no sense. Remember back in my “Truth” critique where I basically said that the episode seemed like it’d been shoved through multiple drafts and no one checked the final one?

Same applies here.

Like--okay, ”Truth” and “Lies” take place at roughly the same time, which means that the same filler akuma/sentimonsters appear to interrupt Adrimi’s moments just as they did with Lukanette’s, giving its audience a clear timeline of how the episodes line up. The reason this is important is because the writers can’t even keep consistency within singular episodes and then honestly thought that they could do it within two.

“Lies” begins with Marinette talking to Tikki about the grimoire, because apparently she has the non-translated version and there’s a secret to figuring out the code that Tikki believes Marinette will discover eventually.

...Alright, I’m derailing here but I have to add how absolutely stupid Fu was when dealing with translating the grimoire. He was supposed to teach Marinette how to be guardian, yet he didn’t teach her how to read the grimoire (if there’s supposedly a “secret” to it, is he really going to bank on Marinette figuring it out herself eventually instead of just giving it to her and avoid the risk altogether??), kept the translated pages on his tablet without sending them to Marinette as he deciphered them, and took time to write a letter to her in “Miracle Queen” but left no guardian-centric advice for her to work off of, meaning that Tikki had to explain how the Miracle Box worked to Marinette back in “Truth.”

The show goes out of its way constantly to turn everything against Marinette even if it makes all the characters around her look either incompetent or cruel. It’s not that I’m not used to this by now but it’s just infuriating that it keeps trying to raise the stakes and tension when Marinette made such a tiny mistake to cause the issue in the first place, and now we find out that Fu had no back-up plan or strategy, apparently expecting this 14-year-old girl to act perfectly and cover for him.

And of course, instead of leaving the scene off on Marinette being encouraged by Tikki and Marinette showing confidence in herself (i.e: what would’ve been a nice scene), the kwami accidentally fumble with the keyboard in such a way to have Marinette’s computer bring up a news story about Adrien, which leads to Marinette leaning towards her computer and sighing over Adrien and his “amazing life.”

Can I just point out how annoying it is that all the Adrienette moments so far on Marinette’s end have been forced, not just in general (because we’re used to that), but literally forced by the plot so Marinette would talk about him or other characters would bring Adrien up?

“Truth” had Alya insult Marinette to her face over her Adrien crush because Marinette was freaking over something non-Adrien related that they couldn’t have known about, Luka was sent a no-context picture of Marinette’s Adrien wall which led to him lowkey teasing her about it, and then Truth was forced to listen to Marinette’s friends and Tom babble about Marinette’s supposed crush on Adrien even when Truth points out that it’s not a secret, making the “joke” fall absolutely flat.

And now “Lies” comes along and has the kwami drop things and step on the keyboard in the exact way to pull up Adrien stuff for Marinette to fawn over. It’s at this point I’m realizing that - had the kwami stayed inside the box or just not been around in general - Marinette literally wouldn’t have brought up Adrien at all in either “Truth” or “Lies” and now I’m sad. I really don’t want to have a counter for “episodes where Marinette wouldn’t have so much as breathed Adrien’s name if the kwami/someone else wasn’t there to force it.”

So yeah, the episode had to force Adrienette into its Adrimi episode because the show can’t go five minutes without reminding the audience that Adrien exists even though this episode is primarily from his point of view, made worse by this scene’s lack of ability to exist.

See, from the timeline in “Lies” lining up with “Truth,” there is no possible way for this opening scene with Marinette talking about guardian stuff and then fawning over Adrien to happen. There’s an akuma scene in “Lies” that literally is just copy-pasted from “Truth” (it actually does this again with another scene later but that’s not important right now), so that means anything that takes place before said scene in both “Truth” and “Lies” have to line up.

Except they can’t. The akuma scene in question interrupts Marinette’s movie date with Luka in “Truth,” and before that, she had just opened the Miracle Box, wrangled up the kwami, talked to the girl squad over video call, talked to Luka, and then immediately had to leave. There are no cuts or wiggle room anywhere in there.

Therefore, the scene in “Lies” is impossible. Either the scene is supposed to go elsewhere in the episode (we don’t actually know how many days it takes up so it’s hard to say on that front) which just makes the episode even more convoluted, or this means that one would have to pick between the scene in “Truth” and the scene in “Lies” because they literally cannot co-exist.

“Lies” was supposed to coincide with “Truth” and they messed it up in the first scene of the episode.

Then comes Adrien himself, who really shows the series’ clunkiness in focusing on other characters. It’s not that I’m against the show moving away from Marinette to show other people’s point-of-view (I definitely didn’t complain during the Couffaine sibling scene in “Reflekdoll”), but Adrien cannot carry his own episode.

In Marinette’s opening scene, we immediately got details on the grimoire and lore about how reading it actually worked. I didn’t like it and it wasn’t good, but it was new information.

Adrien, meanwhile, spends a large portion of the episode being sad (a very grand and unique plot, my dudes) and giving us information we already know. “Truth” has to come first because “Lies” is half of a follow-up on it, meaning that the audience is already aware that Ladybug has been forgetful and has had to miss out on patrols. It’s just that now we get to see Chat Noir sulking about it and--okay, I am just going to go off, alright?

Firstly, Chat Noir tells Ladybug later on that he “understands” her guardian duties, but he previously mocked her behind her back by using air quotes when he was talking to her answering machine (since she obviously wouldn’t see that). We saw in “Truth” where he admitted that he doesn’t mind her being guardian “as long as it doesn’t change their relationship,” and that’s on display right here with his comments.

Not only is it extremely disrespectful, but for someone who claims to be so loyal and understanding to Ladybug, he sure doesn’t show it.

Secondly, he leaves her a message about how he’ll take care of patrol, then proceeds to slack off because she’s not there to keep him in check. He sulks around Paris, mumbling about how Ladybug isn’t around and constantly checking his messages to see if she’s replied to him. Chat Noir has shown his “priorities” in terms of heroism before, but patrol isn’t supposed to be about getting time with “““his lady”““ yet that is clearly all he cares about. He even ends the patrol unprompted, either giving up or just generally having not finished, because I don’t believe that the “end” of patrol just happened to be at the place Kagami was.

Patrol is about protecting Paris and scoping things out. Ladybug is trusting him to pick up the slack when she’s not around and he should be picking up slack, yet he has completely failed on that front. This is made worse when considering that the Season 3 finale had Ladybug breaking down to him from guilt and we know that Marinette had a breakdown before that to Luka, yet Chat is doing nothing to lighten Ladybug’s burden, putting up a falsehood on Ladybug’s answering machine to make him look better than he actually is.

Then, thirdly and most importantly/infuriatingly, Chat Noir knows that Ladybug is busy and he knows that she’s taking on a new responsibility, yet he not only jabs at her for “how hurtful it is when she leaves him to patrol alone” (one, cry me a river, and two, I don’t care if it’s a joke, it’s insensitive), but before that scene, he was actively hoping for people to get akumatized so Ladybug would be forced to show up and he could spend time with her. He egged Xavier Ramier on, even asking him if he “missed being Mister Pigeon,” and then looked on with glee as Chloe bullied Sabrina because he thought that an akumatization might happen.

And this is on top of so many other issues with this whole scene. Adrien complains all the time about his schedule and how restrictive his father is, but suddenly - in the episode right after Marinette had to break up with her boyfriend due to her cramped schedule - is lounging around and wasting time. It hurts to see Marinette suffering from all of her responsibilities while Chat’s biggest problem is how little time he gets with Ladybug.

Also, another point on Mister Pigeon is that that’s the akuma that had interrupted Marinette’s movie date and kiss with Luka. I’m not suggesting that Chat egging Xavier on led to him getting akumatized, but I am saying that Chat wanting akuma to happen with no regard for Ladybug’s happiness is yet another point on the list of why I hate the love square. Marinette genuinely forgot about patrol with him - genuinely was forgetting about everything, really - and as a “punishment,” her own partner whined, didn’t patrol properly, and egged on an akumatization that eventually ended up happening which then broke up the little bit of happiness that the universe was allowing her to have.

Oh, and did I mention that he’s also dating Kagami at the time as well because here we freaking go.

Now, I did not get on Marinette’s case for her Adrien wall and stammering because Luka is largely aware of where she stands in the relationship and she only brought Adrien up when someone else did, even when Luka wasn’t around or being mentioned. Adrien, however, I have multiple bones to pick with, starting with how utterly needy he is for Ladybug’s attention.

This guy has tons of friends, all these fans, and could get people to flock to him whether in or out of the mask, but he wants Ladybug, and anyone not Ladybug isn’t good enough. There’s a scene later in the episode where Kagami - his girlfriend, mind you - is pouring her heart out to him, and he gets distracted by Ladybug instead of listening to her. Even when he excuses the distraction, he then gets distracted again even though Ladybug is no longer in the background.

Lying to protect his identity is one thing, but what Adrien does to Kagami goes beyond that. He’s pining after and flirting with another girl and Kagami has no idea. She’s speculated before that Adrien likes Marinette, but she’s mostly left in the dark because Adrien hasn’t told her anything, nor has he confirmed with her whether it’s okay or not for him to flirt with other girls so long as he’s not pursuing them. He could’ve admitted that he was in love with Ladybug but that he wants to try things with Kagami, but he refuses to open up to her or put himself out there.

Except, he technically does, once, when Kagami tells him to pose for her and he strikes his transformation stance, but he caught her completely off-guard and it’s no wonder why she was put off by it or thought it was unnatural. Not only that, but when Kagami tells him that he’s acting like a clown in that scene, we can see by jumping back to “Truth” that Chat Noir fished for Ladybug’s compliments which then led to a line about him talking about how Ladybug enjoyed him acting like a clown; a direct connection.

Kagami didn’t validate him, so he fished for Ladybug to do so because Ladybug was both forced to answer the question and wasn’t able to lie to him. The show has Ladybug state that her most preferred trait of his is his humor but I am certainly not laughing.

Chat Noir even goes further after the fight with Truth (so another copy-pasted scene) by saying that he has the most fun with Ladybug specifically, and this is all while he’s still dating.

Then this guy has the gall to talk during his break-up about how his fun times with Kagami weren’t lies after apologizing to her for his constant lying, as if he’s trying to earn her sympathy when we know that he’s been pining after Ladybug and flirting with her like she were his number one when he already had a girlfriend waiting for him (and who, by the way, had covered for him earlier and was sitting sadly on a staircase outside, feeling abandoned). The episode presents the break-up as if Adrien’s problem was the fact that he had to constantly lie to Kagami due to being busy with hero work (which is already dumb when we also saw him lounging around and complaining about how nothing was happening, meaning he was inadvertently supportive of the idea of having less time with Kagami and more time with Ladybug even if that means Paris is in danger), but the real problem ends up being that Adrien neglected Kagami emotionally and wasn’t able to give her the attention she wanted.

It’s both sad and annoying that Adrien has always sulked about his dad not paying attention to him and then we get Adrien not paying attention to Kagami, looking for Ladybug when Ladybug had already left and Kagami is trying to tell him something very important.

This is what I mean when I say that Adrien can’t carry an episode on his own. He’s incredibly selfish and most of his dialog just involves him complaining about Ladybug or making excuses. Kagami carried the episode more than he did because more details were revealed about her - specifically the fact that she likes drawing - and she’s active in making things happen (being the one to make the excuse to set up their fencing lessons, deciding what they’ll do with their hour of free time, etcetera).

And regardless of what girl he’s interacting with, Adrien can’t respect either of them. I just talked about Kagami and I’ve already talked about how he treats Ladybug when she’s not even around, but now we get to how he treats Ladybug when she is around.

During the climax of the fight with Lies, where Ladybug requires a distraction to safely pull off her lucky charm, Chat Noir decides - without Ladybug’s input - to sacrifice himself yet again.

I have to stress that Ladybug is stressed and Chat has always talked about her plans and listening to her, yet he has a horrible habit of making decisions all on his own and letting Ladybug deal with the fallout. Whenever he has the chance, he’ll throw himself in front of her and take the big hit, presumably with the mindset that Miraculous Ladybug will fix everything so it’s not like it matters.

Ladybug even shouts at him when he hints at what he’s about to do and there was absolutely time for them to talk about it, but Chat Noir just lets himself fall and be bait, even throwing out what is a clear confession (again, while he’s still dating someone else) before he’s knocked unconscious by Lies’ power.

And when Ladybug yells at him for it when everything’s said and done, pounding at his chest and looking absolutely upset over the whole thing? He not only brushes her off, but he boops her nose and talks about how “irresistable” her “angry little pout” is.

He might as well have just said, “you’re cute when you’re angry,” because that’s exactly what he’s implying; that Ladybug’s anger is something “amusing” to him and not something he takes seriously. We’ve already seen it before in “Reflekdoll” and “Oblivio” as well, so this is just a continuation of already-annoying behavior.

Then, instead of Ladybug getting even angrier for it, the episode has her smile at him, which not only isn’t a normal reaction compared to how she’s reacted before, but now gives the impression that she’s being conditioned by the narrative to accept Chat Noir’s behavior in whatever shape or form it takes.

Because think about it: regardless of how upset Ladybug gets over Chat Noir, it never works out for her and she’s forced to either make up with him quickly or just get over it because she can’t be fighting with her partner (meanwhile, like in “Glaciator,” Chat Noir can be as upset as he wants and she’ll apologize first). She presumably would now have the authority to take away his ring by virtue of being guardian, but he’s also been her partner from the beginning and he’s had so much time to get used to the cat. Most likely, she would sooner blame herself for failing to reign him in than blame him for failing as an adequate partner.

There’s nothing she can do. She has to deal with the hand that she’s been dealt and getting angry at him has done nothing; rejecting him has done nothing.

And of course the episode throws everything under the rug in the ending with an insulting LadyNoir scene where Ladybug and Chat Noir talk about the secrets their forced to keep but also how they can trust each other.

Meanwhile, Ladybug has no idea of all the things Chat Noir has done behind her back. She still has no clue about “Copycat,” nor “Syren,” nor any of the stuff he did in this episode that she’ll probably never know about. Factor it in with “Miraculous New York” (whether one considers it canon or not) where she rightfully shouted at him because he betrayed her trust, and here we are one and a half episodes later (since “Truth” and “Lies” take place at similar times) where suddenly they’re all buddy-buddy and Chat Noir doesn’t have to deal with any consequences to his selfishness.

I’m glad that Kagami didn’t forgive Adrien in the end (even if I’m upset that she doesn’t know how bad it really was) because she had every right to walk away and not want to be friends with him. I only wish that Ladybug could do the same thing and never look back, but due to the love square’s status as endgame, we know that can’t happen, and Ladybug will eventually be forced to fall in love with a guy who mocked her responsibilities behind her back, disrespected her authority by opting to tease/flirt with her, continued pursuing her despite her rejections, and hoped for Paris to be in danger just so he could see her.

And... yeah, that hurts. It really does.

#category: salt #episode: Lies #other: ask and answer #other: ml spoilers

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themiraculousladyblog · 3 years

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The Cuddle-Bug

AO3 | For @myprettypiggy

Summary: When a good friend is sick and wanting cuddles, what's a cat to do?

When Adrien heard that Marinette’s parents had gone out of town for the weekend he figured what better time to drop in and visit his princess than when no one would be around to interrupt their secret hangouts.

Besides, the newest episode of their current anime, Fruits Basket, had just been released and Adrien couldn’t wait to watch it.

So, he made his way across the rooftops of Paris, heading for the small balcony atop of The Tom & Sabine Boulangerie Patisserie. As expected, the lights were off except for a lamp in his friend’s bedroom.

Chat Noir landed softly on said balcony and tapped on the door. When no response came, he narrowed his eyes and tried to open the door.

It was already unlocked. Maybe she was busy setting up for their movie night and had left the door unlocked for him.

He entered the room and the smell of baked goods entered his nose. He always loved the scent of Marinette's house. It smelled like… home.

"Marinette? Your prince has arrived-" Chat Noir stopped short when he saw the raven-haired girl slumped over her desk, an uneaten sandwich sitting next to her. "Mari?"

He walked closer and noticed her breathing was slow and steady, an obvious sign the girl was sleeping, and probably had been for a while.

Chat stayed there for a moment, admiring her features… but only as a good friend would. He noticed her cheeks were flushed and small circles had formed under her eyes.

Huh. She must not be getting enough sleep…

He should move her to her bed. That way she wouldn't have a kink in her neck when she awoke the next morning. Chat moved his hands to Marinette's shoulders, giving her a gentle shake to alert her he was there.

Her eyes opened slowly and she glanced at him. "C-Chat?"

Chat grinned. "Hi there, Princess. What do you say we get you to your actual bed. It might be more comfortable."

She lifted her head and shifted her gaze, trying to focus on the clock across the room. "What time is it?"

"A little past midnight. You must've fallen asleep while designing." He gestured to the sheet of paper stuck to the side of her face.

Marinette blinked a couple of times before coughing and letting out a groan, letting her head fall back onto her arms.

Chat frowned. "Marinette?" His hand brushed her bangs away from her forehead and found she was sweating. "Are you… sick?"

"No." She let out another cough and the hero was not convinced. He pressed his lips against her forehead, ignoring the small gasp that escaped the girl.

Very warm. She must have a fever.

He sighed and moved back into her view. "Why didn't you tell me you weren't feeling good?"

"I didn't think it was any of your business," Marinette mumbled, not making any effort to open her eyes again.

"Well, lucky for you, I happen to be an expert in taking care of sick girls who need to be in bed."

"Oh? And just how many sick girls have you taken to bed?"

Chat blushed at the innuendo but cleared his throat. "Do you think you can walk?"

The answer was no. She couldn't. When Marinette tried to maneuver herself out of the chair, she tripped and fell into Chat's chest. He quickly scooped her up in his arms and climbed up the stairs to her bed.

"Here you go, Princess. Just what the doctor ordered. Sleep." He covered her with a blanket and watched as she snuggled deeper into the sheets.

Just as Chat turned to climb back out the hatch, he felt a tug on his tail and looked back down to see Marinette giving him a small pout.

"What's wrong, Marinette?"

"Stay?" Her voice was rough from the coughing but her blue eyes pierced his heart.

Chat was torn. On one hand, he could stay and make sure she didn't need anything overnight. On the other, Nathalie or his father might check to find him gone and send the police to search for him. He thought for a moment, trying to decide the best course of action.

"But, Princess, there's only one bed." He gestured to the twin-sized bed.

"It's okay. I don't mind sharing." Marinette smiled and patted the spot next to her.

Oh, screw his father.

Chat moved so he could lay down, surprised when Marinette wrapped her arms around him. He relaxed after a moment, feeling her warmth through his suit.

"Thank you, Chat." She whispered and he nodded, smiling softly. He supposed the anime marathon could wait.

After all, his good friend was sick. The least he could do was cuddle with her.

#miraculous ladybug #marichat #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #chat noir #miraculous ladybug fandom #miraculous fanfic #miraculous fanfiction #ml fanfic #drabble #miraculous drabble #fic gifts #no beta we die like amazon warriors

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redsamuraiii · 3 years

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My Review : Kuromukuro (2016)

So I have just watched this criminally underrated mecha anime over the weekend and I just can’t get enough of it! I’m very surprised that such anime doesn’t get much media coverage as compared to the popular ones like Gundam and Evangelion. This is a hidden gem that deserves another season!

WHAT IS IT ABOUT *contain spoilers*

It follows a student of Tateyama International High School girl named, Yukina Shirahane and a young Samurai named, Kennosuke Tokisada Ouma, who was born in the Sengoku Jidai but mysteriously re-awakened in the present day.

Yukina goes to school located at a United Nations Military Research Facility where her mother, Hirame Shirahane, is the Chief Researcher and lead designer of the currently under development “GAUS (Gravity Attenuated Upright Shell)”, units that are two-seater mecha operated by a pilot and navigator.

Over 450 years ago during Sengoku Jidai, an extraterrestrial force called Efi Dorg invades Earth. The Washiba Clan falls victim to them, but the clan heir, Princess Yukihime and her samurai retainer Kennosuke Tokisada Ouma piloted a stolen Efi Dorg mecha, the "Black Relic" (黒骸, Kuromukuro).

Outnumbered and outmatched, the duo lost the fight which results in Kennosuke dying and Yukihime captured by a demon-like creature. What he saw traumatized him for life when he re-awakened at present and the sight of the familiar looking alien invaders triggers his hunger for vengeance.

60 years ago, the “Black Relic” aka Kuromukuro was unearthed during the construction of Kurobe Dam. In the present day, the United Nations Kurobe Laboratory is researching it when Efi Dorg returns to Earth for the second time since its first appearance during Sengoku Jidai.

Yukina accidentally reactivates the cockpit module of the Black Relic, releasing Kennosuke from cryostasis and awakening him. The duo inevitably find themselves piloting the mecha in their defense of the UN Facility against the alien invaders as Kennosuke is determined to kill them with extreme prejudice.

Kennosuke is perplexed by Yukina’s uncanny resemblance to Yukihime, whom he fought alongside with and lost. He struggles to make sense of what is happening when he learns that he just awakened 450 years after Sengoku Jidai and blames himself for his failure in protecting the Clan Princess he served.

The rest of the story is about him adjusting to life in the 21st century, with the help of Yukina, her family and friends, while at the same time, training to be a more skillful mecha pilot of the Black Relic to defend Earth from the invaders. And above all, the find his new purpose as a Samurai in this new era.

Meanwhile, the UN Security Council still doubt his claims of being a man out of time, fearing him to be an alien invader sent on a covert reconnaissance mission and so placed him under strict surveillance and control by wearing a wired collar which will activate an electric shock if he does anything suspicious.

Along the way, he get to know several pilots from various countries such as Tom Border (USA), Liu Shenmei (China), Sophie Noël (France), Toshiyuki "Sebastian" Mozumi (Japan) who trained tirelessly to pilot the new GAUS mecha which are developed based on the original “Black Relic” mecha.

I love the chemistry they share and the camaraderie they develop over the course of the series, from doubting to respecting and trusting each other in the fight against a common enemy, getting rid of their respective agendas or personal reasons to fight, with a common goal to protect humanity.

Despite the overall serious tone and some dark moments, there are lighthearted and relaxing moments as well where it shows them going about their daily lives when there are no alien incursions, going to scenic places which really look like the real countryside of Japan. (Even Kurobe Dam actually exists in real life!)

And like every “political” anime, there’s always the ugly side of bureaucracy with soldiers “obeying” orders. There are certain scenes which make my blood boil, seeing how they treat “suspects” like terrorists despite what they have done to protect the innocent simply because they are seen as a threat.

One such scene is Muetta, a former enemy mecha pilot who realized she’s been deceived by her alien masters and betrayed by her alien comrade. She turned over to fight with the humans, to which the UN Security Council gladly accepted but later turned on her after the battle was over, fearing her true intentions.

It hurts to see her finally learning to enjoy the true meaning of freedom and happiness, making friends and letting go of her tragic past, only to be controlled and treated as an experiment prisoner, and only used as a weapon to defend Earth against the invaders, despite the objections of fellow mecha pilots.

Seeing how powerless the mecha pilots are including Kennosuke and Yukina who tried desperately to free Muetta, Mika used the power of the media to rally the public in a protest to free Muetta as the public demanded an explanation in treating a fellow hero and defender of Earth as a prisoner. (This sparks joy!)

It reminds me of Marvel’s Civil War, as to why Captain America refuse to support the U.N. Accords as he believes they are being run by people with agendas and agendas change. This anime even show the arms race in developing mecha by countries worldwide using a possible alien invasion as a pretext.

youtube

This series is definitely worth watching! Give it a try and watch the first two episodes at least, and you’ll be curious to know more about it. It consists of two seasons with a total of 26 episodes. Judging by the ending, there will definitely be a third one, sooner or later.

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yikesharringrove · 3 years

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@kumathecatalyst made my brain go bbbbbrbrrrrrrrrr

Billy let his head fall back, resting against the side of the house.

He had lost track of time in his drunken haze, and was an hour past curfew.

No way his dad would let him in.

He thought about finding some girl, convince her into letting him drive her home, into letting him stay the night.

In whatever capacity that means. Rumors will only help him here, help him blend in.

He gave himself until the end of his cigarette. Then he would head inside are start sniffing at chicks.

He knew that Vicki girl was watching him earlier, and he’s pretty sure Tina is the one throwing the party. Maybe he can sweet talk his way into her bedroom. It’s beat having to go anywhere.

He stared at the dwindling cigarette.

It was cold out, but Billy was still drunk enough that it felt nice. It was too hot inside, everyone tugging at him, pushing him around, trying to cling onto him.

He took a deep breath, was about to stub out the dying cig against the side of the house when he heard humming.

A tune that nearly made his heart stop.

Harrington came around the corner, stumbling, and very drunk, holding a red cup with one hand, his stupid sunglasses with the other.

He stopped for a second, looking down at his feet, taking a shaking breath.

“It’s a beautiful day in this neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor, would you be mine?” He laughed bitterly, pouring out his drink. He watched the spiked punch splatter in the grass at his feet. His eyes tracked up, landing on Billy as he clumsily sang, “could you be mine?”

“Mr. Rogers, huh?” Harrington just stared. “I like that show.”

“It’s good.” Steve was slurring, just a touch. “Mr. Rogers wants to be my friend. He says so. Every episode.”

“Yeah, that’s kinda the idea of the neighborhood.”

“Wish I had a neighborhood.” Harrington threw his empty cup into the bushes.

“You do.”

“No, like, a Mr. Rogers kinda neighborhood. Where everyone was nice, and, and people liked me, and I had friends. Mr. Rogers is my only friend and he’s not even real.”

“He’s real.” Harrington huffed dramatically at Billy.

“But he lives in the t.v. He’s not here. He’s not real in my life. Or I’m not real in his.” He furrowed his brows, looked like he was getting confused.

It was cute.

And Billy suddenly realized he didn’t know Harrington’s first name.

That Tom kid just kept referring to him as Harrington.

“I’m Billy.”

“I know.” Billy rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, but I don’t know your name, Dumbass.” Harrington’s eyes went hollow. It was fucking creepy.

“It’s Steve. But Dumbass works too I guess.” Billy made a mental note never to call him dumbass again.

“Well, you know. Now that we know each other, we can be neighbors.” Steve’s face lit up slowly, like the words were sinking in one by one.

And then he threw himself at Billy, hugging him tightly around the middle.

And Billy realized, horrified, that Steve was sobbing into his neck.

Billy reached up, patting his back.

“Why don’t I take you home, Steve?” That was somehow the wrong thing to say, as Steve just started crying harder.

“No one takes care of me.”

“Whoa, who said anything about take care of? I was just gonna drop you off. Let your mom do all the heavy lifting.”

And then Steve’s legs seemed to give out under him.

“Mom’s not home. Never home.” A chill spread through Billy’s whole body.

“Is she, did she pass?”

“No. She just chooses not to be around me,” Steve wailed. Billy was very much in over his head.

But he may have found a place to sleep tonight.

And if Steve likes Mr. Rogers, he’s gotta have the channel at home.

Because that was the thing about moving to Hawkins. It meant leaving everything behind. Including, Mrs. Beverly down the street that let Billy come in and watch The Neighborhood with her.

She was old and kind, gave him cookies and turned a blind eye if he got choked up during an episode.

“Hey, Steve, just let me drive you home, okay?” Steve nodded into his neck.

Billy led him to his car parked far down the road. He didn’t want any assholes hitting it.

He had pounded some water before heading outside, and felt alright. Still a little hazy, but he’ll get them there in one piece.

Steve had calmed down some, just kinda had tears sliding down his face now, Which was better than his body wracking with harsh sobs.

He silently pointed at streets Billy was meant to turn down, and Billy, for once, drove slowly enough that it worked out.

Steve was still humming the theme song, his voice cracking every so often.

He pointed to a big house at the end of the street, and Billy pulled into the long drive way.

He glared at the huge fucking house. Steve made no move to get out of the car.

He was holding onto his seat belt, the car silent without his humming.

“Do you wanna come in?” His voice was tiny, like he already new the answer.

“Sure.” His head snapped up to look at Billy. Billy just killed the ignition and pulled himself out of the car.

He watched Steve, smile on his face, as he stumbled awkwardly out of the passenger seat, nearly falling over in the process.

Billy got one hand on his elbow as they walked to the front double doors.

“You wanna-I got Mr. Rogers on tape.” Steve was just holding his keys out for Billy.

There were only a few, one clearly a car key, so it was a matter of three different keys.

Steve seemed like he just didn’t wanna bother.

“I got a buncha episodes. We could watch one.”

“Sure, if you want.” Steve beamed at him. Billy just focused on getting the door open.

The second key worked and the heavy lock slid open.

Steve’s house was cold.

It was immaculately clean, like some kinda model home.

It looked like nobody lived in it.

Steve brought Billy through the entry hall to a door just off the kitchen leading into a basement.

This was better. The couch was worn and there was a blanket strewn on it like Steve had been curled up underneath it.

Billy realized this is probably where Steve spends most of his time in this empty house, the almost cozy television room downstairs.

There were shelves lined with tapes, all sorts of movies and neatly labeled television show recordings.

Steve had probably every episode of The Neighborhood in a section all on it’s own. Billy picked a random episode and hoped it wasn’t one guaranteed to make him cry.

He figured Steve’s breakdown was enough for one night.

Steve sang along to the theme song under his breath.

It was so damn cute.

He was slurring still, drunk and lazy, sitting low on the couch with the blanket pulled up to his chin.

It looked hand knit.

He had put some over Billy’s lap when he sat down.

The episode turned out to be fine.

For Billy that is.

It was an old one, one from about two years ago.

One about friendship.

And Steve seemed to be okay.

And then the story moved to the Neighborhood of Make-Believe.

The puppet people were on their way to a picnic at King Friday’s palace.

But Lady Aberlin was in a rush and forgot to get Daniel Tiger and bring him to the picnic.

And Daniel Tiger explained how hurt he felt, forgotten and left out by his friends. How they had fun without him and that made him feel bad.

And Steve was crying again.

“They, they just forgot Daniel-” Billy could barely make out what he was saying.

This was no pretty crying. This wasn’t a few dainty tears.

This was water covering Steve’s cheeks. This was snot and borderline hyperventilating.

And Billy has never felt more out of his depths.

“They don’t care about Daniel! They don’t love him!” Yeah, this was not about Daniel Tiger and the fucking picnic.

“Steve, of course they love Daniel. Lady Aberlin came back, and, and she apologized! Sometimes, you know, friends can just be shitty,” Billy offered. Steve wailed. There were tears dripping off his chin now.

“I wouldn’t know!”

“C’mon, man. Didn’t I say I was your friend?”

“You don’t even know me!”

“I’ve seen you fucking ugly cry three times tonight. I feel like I know you pretty well.” The episode was still playing, Mr. Rogers now explaining in that soft voice of his, that telling friends our feelings can help make us feel better. Billy pointed at the television. “Tell me your feelings! Mr. Rogers said it’ll help.”

“I, I, no one loves me. Nancy doesn’t love me, my old friends want fuckin’ nothing to do with me, and, and my parents don’t even like me, and I’m always left behind.”

“Wait, Nancy’s that girl, right? That Tom guy said you ditched him for her.”

“No. I ditched him because he was being a fucking asshole.”

“Them Steve, you kinda can’t complain that he wants nothing to do with you after you ditched him.”

“I tried to talk to him. Like, a month later. We were best friends since we were five, and it was one stupid fight, and I tried to talk it out, and he told me to go fuck myself.” Damn.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.” Steve had stopped crying by now, but his face was still wet. He was fucking covered in snot. Jesus Christ. “I tried. He just realized he was better off without me.”

“Or he was hurt and trying to protect his pride or some shit.” Steve deflated a bit.

“The Nancy thing is, that one’s real. She said she was just pretending. We’ve been together for a year. And I, I love her. And she’s just pretending.” Steve suddenly sat up, flipping the blanket down to let out his top half, scooting to sit against the armrest facing Billy.

The credits were rolling on the tape.

“Y’know, I offered to like, not go to college for her. I missed the early application deadline because my whole plan up until like two hours ago was to rot in this shitty fucking town for her. To settle down with her. To marry her. And she’s fucking pretending.” He finally wiped off his face. “I don’t even know what to do anymore. I fucking don’t.”

Billy didn’t either.

Well, he had a few suggestions, but you could always suck my cock, right here and now felt a little crass for the situation.

“You said early application. You’ve still got the regular deadlines.”

“I wanted to do early because Nancy had been helping me with my grades all fucking year. She helped me bring them up a lot last year and without her, man they’re gonna tank.”

“Nah. You got me now. I can give you a hand.”

Steve gave him a look, one eyebrow raised.

“What? I’m smarter than I look.”

“That’s not reassuring.” Billy reached out and slapped Steve’s arm. Steve pouted at him, rubbing the sore spot. “Owie.”

“Don’t fuckin’ say owie.”

“That hurt, Billy. What would Mr. Rogers say?”

“He’d agree you were being a pain in my ass.”

“Rude.”

Steve looked better. His eyes were a little bit brighter.

“So, Daniel Tiger. Did talking about your feelings help?”

Steve rolled his eyes, but he was smiling, just a teeny bit.

“Yeah, it did. Thanks, King Friday.”

“Oh, you better take that back! I am not King Friday.”

Here’s a clip from the episode they watch. It’s lowkey fucking brutal. (The clip is “Daniel Feels Forgotten” under the Daniel Striped Tiger section)

#yikes writes #billy hargrove #harringrove #steve harrington

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riverdale-retread · 3 years

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Riverdale S5 E13 (Coyote Ugly)- 5 Things I loved/ 3 Things to consider

I loved a LOT of things about this episode, so I might have to cheat on my loved-it count. Indulge me, please.

Things I loved

1. I loved that Tabitha totally belongs and fits in with these crazy OG Riverdale people. Tabitha asks Betty, the crazy girl, to not “do anything crazy,” while doing crazy things with Betty, herself. Why Tabitha does this, we don’t know yet, but she absolutely belongs with these people. For fancy-school-educated beautiful Tabitha, with her neat puff sleeves and delicate frame, to go all in with Betty Cooper, fake FBI agent, trying to hunt down a serial killer is insanity. To agree to open up her business premises and offer up her own body as bait for this known serial killer is insanity. To be aware that Betty has caught someone who was acting violent, but to go alone, and also unarmed and apparently without having told anyone, is insanity. Tabitha is very, very interesting. Oh and she drives the most amazing car.

2. “Reggie, You’re A Genius!!” and Veronica is not being even a little bit sarcastic. Reggie Mantle’s air punches every time either he or Veronica close a sale really just cheered me up no end. He’s just so exuberant and physical. He’s already stated that he is good with numbers and he has a lot of ideas and he’s finally, at Pearls & Posh, getting a chance to let those parts of himself bloom. I loved the beautiful jewel tones that Reggie and Veronica wear throughout the episode, and the way they become ever more color coordinated. I just love the two of them teaming up and dismantling Hiram’s scam one brick at a time.

3. All the Cheryl things, basically, I loved them.

-“Compulsion Thy Name is Kevin of Finland” is a line that had me hooting. And the fact that Kevin, in the right clothes, totally has the body and jawline to be a Tom of Finland illustration is just icing on the cake. Cheryl has been keeping a very close eye on Kevin his whole life, honestly, like a dangerous sort of fairy godmother. Cheryl in a checked version of her little red riding hood outfit walking out of the misty blue forest! What a beautiful shot.

- I did not love Tabitha having to say, “Hot Ladies, dancing on the bar, fully clothed, of course,” but I *did* love Fang’s groaning in response, just so put upon. I did this simultaneously with the character, so I appreciated that. I did love the glorious amount of cleavage that Cheryl the minister and cheerleading coach insists on putting on display while IN a high school. Her sartorial choices felt like a vengeful commentary on the mores of American television. I would much prefer to see tits on my TV than blood & violence, so the fact that an entire severed leg, a ghost of Christmas past with bullet wounds, and a man getting his face smashed in by a furious fit young man armed with brass knuckles can be shown in full but hot ladies dancing on a bar must be fully clothed irritated me.

So yes - I said a whole bunch of words to fancy up the statement that I loved seeing Cheryl’s cleavage.

Sidebar: Also why does it gotta be only ladies? I think Fangs was fishing for an invitation.

- “I caught them (Moose & Fangs) having wine & cheese” - “Ew that is diabolical.” OK so when you’re in that mindset where you want to ‘win’ the break up but you’ve lost, this sort of hyperbolic reaction is exactly what you want from your female friends, and Cheryl doubles down with, “You did nothing wrong.” Why has Kevin never declared best friendship with Cheryl?

4. I loved that the show gives me permission to do what I’ve been doing already, which is that I absolutely despise Uncle Fucking Frank. That asshole, who claims to understand battle trauma and love dogs, brings home a traumatized dog which deserves to have stable people look after it and be aware of its issues, and doesn’t tell his housemates who aren’t even getting basic mental healthcare, one of which is a nephew he is mooching from for room & board, about the dog’s potential problems. Absolute failure garbage human, and I am elated to have this affirmed. Everything Frank does makes Archie so much worse, and Archie does not trust Frank fully either. Loved this too. Archie lies to Uncle Fucking Frank about ‘Bingo.’ He was a dog, he says, and then says that Eric does not like to talk about the dog so Frank won’t go mentioning him to Eric.

5. I loved the musical numbers, each for a different reason.

- Coyote Ugly Bar Top Dance: These terrifying, formerly terrorized children of Riverdale thrill me and break my heart. Everyone just tosses themselves at danger. Cheryl, Veronica, and Betty are all women who’ve had the experience of being hunted, terrorized, gaslit, stalked, sexually assaulted, having to fight for their lives while under attack from a much bigger assailant, etc - just *all* the bad things, really - but with the promise of a good time (lyrics actually say: How Can I Resist?) they will make themselves live bait for a serial killer.

- Everything Is All Right from Jesus Christ Superstar. I love Kevin’s singing, always. I also adored Penelope Blossom hating the musical interlude, she’s great. This song is also meant to be ironic, in the show, from my memory, because in context things are NOT all right. Mary Magdalene was wrong. They’re showing Kevin and Fangs making up, they’re showing Veronica and Reggie making a sale, Jughead was not in this episode at all, so this was quite arresting from a show perspective. The song is disquieting, with minor key elements, and so it’s a little uneasy, you know? Things are not all right, at all.

3 Things to Consider

a) “This award is a painful reminder of all that I haven’t accomplished.” Kevin breaks my heart but not in a campy tingly way. The feeling that I’m supposed to be somewhere better than this, doing something more than this - it’s so painful and real. I’m you, Kevin. “This can’t be my life, it just can’t be.” This seems to be the theme of the post time-jump Riverdale, but it feels more visceral because of what’s happening in the real world on the date of airing (Fall of 2021).

b) Bingo being a person, not a dog, puts an entirely different and devastating cast over the dream-dialogue between Eric and Archie. According to Archie’s subconscious, Eric is basically saying, “Leave the other man for dead, and save me and only me.” In the football field dream, Eric was transformed into Jughead, who just needed a little help, and had to be fireman-carried to touchdown. Eric insisting that he be prioritized over the unfortunate Bingo goes some ways to explaining the bond between Eric and Archie as well.

c) Archie Andrews is terrifying, and this adult Archie is fascinating and arresting to me. “I don’t want this scumbag arrested! I want him hurt” is the most honest thing Archie has ever said on the show. And when he says, “I’m trying to save this town, but it’s so corrupt, broken, full of awful, despicable people. I think there’s nothing worth saving here,” Archie is very reminiscent of the Dark Hood/ Hal Cooper, actually. Archie scares the worthless Uncle Fucking Frank so much that U.F. Frank can’t even say, “Nobody asked you to save the world, Archie, just save yourself.”

#riverdale s5 opinion #riverdale positivity #It's interesting to experience Riverdale's actual episodes a month later than the states-side viewers #all the stuff that comes up on tumblr is so entertaining but disjointed like reading telegrams sent via bottle all out of order #because I'm in a lighthouse in the middle of the sea #reggie Mantle #cheryl Blossom #Tabitha Tate

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