You think I've done awful things, and I have. But I'm not evil. It's me. You know me. I'm still the same person.
I actually think these lines / scene from Claudia is one of her most interesting in the entire show, so let's talk about it, beat by beat.
You think I've done some awful things, and I have.
This line, along with others from Viren (his "I had to" is another form of justification, and what's to justify if you done nothing 'wrong' or nothing to be blamed for?), i.e. "In the name of love, you will perform acts so unforgivable, you will never forgive yourself" as well as Claudia's explanation in 4x01 ("I had to do things... I never imagined I would be able to do" with tears in her eyes) and Terry's assertion ("I've seen you do a lot of awful things, dark magic things") is like... while Claudia still doesn't see the error, I'm willing to bet, with the bulk of her actions (elves and dragons are still clearly not wholly people to her), she's still done things that she considers awful. Things that crossed her previous moral lines, beginning, I'd bet, with the deer in 2x09, and that which only escalated from there.
Claudia still thinks she's a good person (which we will get to in a second, believe me) but she doesn't think she's squeaky clean. She knows, just as Viren knows (and just as Callum knows/believes) that she's done genuinely awful, terrible things.
A character feeling bad about doing something, or a character recognizing that something they've done is terrible ("It's horrific, Viren" "We have no other choice"), is not a get off scot free card in this show, and it never has been. Not for Claudia, and not for anyone else.
While Claudia has been manipulated by Aaravos, everything she's done is of her free will, and without lying to herself about the exact nature of them (even if there's still plenty she's in denial of like the plague, but I digress).
Claudia is like 5 different cognitive dissonances in a trenchcoat, but she's not stupid, either.
But I'm not evil. It's me.
This to me shows the mask slipping the post, because if there wasn't even a hint of possibility at being evil, you would feel no need to declare otherwise. I forget where I've said this before but Claudia cares (esp in arc 1, less so in arc 2 but it's not nonexistent) about being a good person. It's kinda like how Viren doesn't really care if he's good or not, but he wants to be important (matter). Bonus points for Claudia's hypocrisy/shields being worn down over time ("She kidnapped you and Prince Ezran, how can she be good?" -> attempting to do the exact same thing an episode later). She's cracking, but desperately trying to convince them (for mostly manipulation reasons) and herself (genuinely) that she's not, that instead...
You know me. I'm still the same person. I am.
TDP has always been very interested in identity, most notably for characters like Callum, Rayla, and Soren in arc 1, but it's fun to see it be expanded and interrogated further by looping Claudia in during arc 2. S5 and arc 2 places a lot of emphasis in particular on the idea of knowing yourself ("That's not my name. I am Elmer") or knowing others ("She's not the elf, she's Rayla") / preserving your sense of self in the face of change or hard circumstances ("But violence tests us" "Callum, you're the 'destiny is a book you write yourself' guy").
Claudia highlights this twofold. She asks the boys to know her, despite how much time and bad blood has gone by. She appeals to the many years of friendship they had in contrast to their few months turned years of being foes. It's barking up the wrong tree (Callum's Spellbook asserts that even as of s2/s3, "I feel like I don't know who she is anymore" on his end) but I am actually inclined to believe her.
This may be a misread, simply because from S1 but especially S2 onwards I always figured Claudia would end up precisely where she is now, so I don't know if it's the consistency influencing my judgement call possibly clouding more intense changes (she refused to use Harrow against the boys in 2x02, to a degree) but... I don't think almost anything Claudia does in S5 is something she wouldn't have done the bulk of in S1, other than threatening the boys, and she's done that multiple times by the time the end of S2 and S3 rolls around, most notably towards Ezran.
She's still the same person, but her circumstances and therefore her responses have gotten steadily, consistently worse. But this has always lived inside her. She's the same person (but worse), they know her and see her more clearly than they ever did before, and both of those things are precisely the problem.
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I went back to watch the moment about Bad bringing up purgatory and really it’s just that everyone is confused and Bad needs to explicitly say if he is canonically on or off the island without some weird loop hole that gives him both lores on the both islands for one character to know.
Now the mini events aren’t always like a lore canon thing but the eggs are in lore majority of the time. This is cause the eggs are lore/rp characters the same way Cucurucho is and the only way they aren’t is when they explicitly say it or the cc says that the info they’re saying is out of rp.
But this is what happened -
Bad brought up first that he saw Tubbo that day to sunny who had been with Fit the entire day. Then Richarylson questioned him saying “Aren’t you meant to not be spiritually projecting rn” and he said “I don’t know what you’re talking about” which is just as confusing as what Richas said to him.
Then the others asked a general question just saying how was it and if he was winning not anything about any of the lore aspects. He then later brought up the quesadilla lore stuff with Phil despite it not really being the time or place, as well as him not supposedly being there to the other characters (specifically Fit and Phil think he’s kidnapped because he hasn’t clarified and they honestly act like they can’t be bothered asking anymore about it which not gonna blame them on) who all think that he is kidnapped because Bad has evaded the question and not given them an explicit answer.
So the eggs, current quesadilla islanders and the viewers are very confused.
Cause none of it make sense and Bad’s “1/3 is in purgatory”(which is the spiritually projecting thing richas is eluding to) is a struggle rp wise too because how is he meant to participate in lore or rp when he’s giving so many mixed signals if he is or isn’t canonically on the island.
Like he’s telling the eggs about their parents when they’re always meant to be in lore, then telling the other islanders that he’s on vacation which implies he’s not doing lore. So then it looks like meta gaming (because the eggs are just being told info randomly without knowing they’re getting told ie like a twitch chat that a streamer reads except eggs can’t really ignore it) from the pov of someone who has no clue if it’s in rp or not especially when it’s told to the eggs who are in rp 24/7. But then even the eggs don’t know if he’s actually there or not so they have to come up with a rp opinion about it and now think he’s lying about their parents because they aren’t meant to know about it really.
Along with this how come he can only just now separate himself in parts like this(yes things are secret but that raises the question how come he didn’t preemptively do this in purgatory 1), how is he getting the info back and forward from each “part” of him, how is it even a different part/version of him if he’s still in the same dimension(cause travelling back and forward from the island defeats the whole purpose of purgatory 1 and he isn’t a slime so how would he be able to make a clones/another version) and then why is he even telling the kids that information when they are separated from their parents which is just going to make them sad(but it is giving the eggs a rp struggle because not all of them are going to know if they are meant to know that info or not).
But really the real question is why does bad have to be involved in both lores and knowing everything. It’s not as if the others are going to keep everything from him and not tell him. Like when has anyone not ever told people about lore that affects everyone, he will be told everything all he has to do is ask. By the time he’s back the photo if the eyed workers will probably still be up as well all he has to do is ask them about it and they’ll give him an answer.
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as cool as their design is im really starting to dislike the sonau in general, aside from their stuff suddendly being everywhere and everything being about them and how cool(tm) they are now with the mystery stone turning people into dragons and the similarities between the sonau and the three dragons (naydra, eldra, farodra) its actually not an impossibility that they used to be sonaus as alot of people have been theorizing about ..but ...... idk that would very much ruin their otherwordly yet ethereal mystery to me
i probably sound like some hater whos trying to find something more to dislike about totk all the time but i promise im not!!
the three dragons being some unexplained mystery, beings that are there yet few can see them, timeless, nigh untouchable, they dont act on anything, they dont talk, something about them has always made me look at them in awe; if it turned out they were just yet another cool(tm) sonau guy that ate a stone ... :/
not a fan of that one lads, but dont worry, i will keep my thoughts to myself from now on, i dont want to ruin other peoples fun nor seem like i just hate everything ... the three dragons are just really important to me so i had to say something
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one thing i find really difficult about navigating the IF space is the direct line of contact between readers and authors. we share the same space, and i think that plays a big part in this weird blurred line we have in this community and overall lack of boundaries.
for a lot of people this is a fun hobby and while i personally try to keep it... semi-professional most of the time, it's easy to get wrapped up in having fun on tumblr (or the forums, or reddit, wherever it is that you mainly post/interact) and have a lot of personal interactions with both readers and authors alike - which is fun! i like it more often than not, but i also think that's why a lot of comments in this space can end up being really entitled, over-familiar, and inappropriate.
it's no secret that most authors get really weird messages on here, and while this is also a problem on social media at large and not just specific to IF tumblr, it is still definitely a big problem in this community.
and to be clear i'm not saying that you can't be friendly with authors or readers (i've become friends with a handful of readers myself) and i definitely don't mean to imply that there needs to be a huge divide between us; that's silly - again, most authors are readers, most readers are authors, we’re just people on the internet sharing the same space. but all of us deserve to have our boundaries respected. this is my story, and we are strangers. as a general rule of thumb: if you wouldn't say it out loud to someone you just met, you probably shouldn't be saying it to a stranger online. especially anonymously.
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Is anybody else's relationship with Doctor Who currently all over the place like a rollercoaster at the moment, or is it just me?
I do love this show and what it has done to me and the friends and opportunities I've had through it and I will always be thankful for it making the person I am today, but I just feel like the last few years it has not been as it should be in terms of writing and quality control? I don't know how else to describe it.
I have been doing my best to completely ignore the bits of Doctor Who that I don't like and focus on the areas that I do like, and I really want to get back into the expanded universe / classic series again, I think.
I've taken a step back from the fandom recently and been trying to dive into other stuff, but maybe I should try and just pick up a random doctor who books or audios to get me into the spirit of things again.
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