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thetypedwriter · 3 years

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Gideon the Ninth Book Review

Gideon the Ninth Book Review by Tamsyn Muir

It would be only a slight hyperbole to say that a million people have either recommended this book to me or have told me to read it. I’ve heard for years now that this book is incredible and extremely well written and beloved by many. So, if that’s the case why did I wait so long to read it?

I don’t have a good answer. Sometimes a book is on your radar, but either the time isn’t right, other books take priority, or in my case, it’s adult fiction and I held slight trepidation that I wouldn’t love it as much as everyone else in the world seemed to.

Thank goodness, that didn’t end up being the case and I’ll get into why in a moment.

First, Gideon the Ninth has the most amazing descriptive sentence belonging on any front cover of any book ever.

I shall put it here for prosperity and awe: “Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted gothic palace in space!” -Charles Stross.

Now, I don’t know who you are Mr. Stross, but that has to be the best sentence written in the English language since its conception. If that isn’t enough intrigue for you to crack open the novel then I truly don’t know what is or what it would take.

That being said, Mr. Stross wasn’t entirely accurate, but that’ll be clear soon enough.

The novel surrounds our main protagonist, Gideon Nav, or, known as Gideon the Ninth, the primary cavalier to the Ninth House necromancer. Essentially, this world takes place in a different solar system with its own sun star known as Dominicus as well as nine planets also known as the Nine Houses.

Each House has a specific specialty for what is known for, and as summarized helpfully, but also overwhelmingly, at the beginning of the novel, the Ninth House is also known as the keepers of the Locked Tomb, House of the Sewn Tongue, and home to the Black Vestals.

This meant nothing to me at the beginning and quite truthfully, I still struggled to remember throughout the novel who belonged to the Third House, or the Fifth and what that quite meant, as once again, each House has a reputation and expected skill set that precedes them.

Not to say that it was poorly written because it wasn’t. Muir just has a lot of characters with specific titles and while she actually does quite a good job of categorizing them and helpfully reminding you who is who, I still struggled with just the sheer amount of information and people.

Normally, this would be a massive criticism, like it was with the cast of characters in Lore but in this case it’s not Muir’s fault. She’s giving me all the information necessary to understand. It was just my brain that struggled trying to recognize and categorize everyone. If anything, I’m excited to re-read Gideon the Ninth and have it sink in like a second skin eventually.

Having this large cast of characters, the book revolves around each of the Nine Houses (except for the First House) sending their best necromancer, a wielder of both thanergy (death energy) and thalergy (life energy) in the form of a House Adept, someone who is able to wield this kind of energy either in bone magic, flesh magic, or spirit magic.

In accompaniment, each Necromancer Adept has a primary Cavalier, a trained fighter that is both protector, companion, and often, necessary energy suppliers to their Adept in both horrendous and acceptable ways.

The goal of these pairs, having been sent to the First planet, is to become a Lyctor, an immortal servant to the Undying Emperor. The catch is that once the Necromancers and their Cavaliers arrive on the First, the shuttle departs and they are trapped in an abandoned, dilapidated, once-regal and great mansion that boasts hundreds of floors, secret doors, and mystery upon mystery.

Each pair expects a streamlined process to Lyctorhood once they arrive, a methodical procedure, perhaps some training, and ultimately a test. What they don’t expect is a mellow man by the name of Teacher that claims to know nothing about the process himself, but is the overseer of the First.

What follows is a mind-boggling search to become a Lyctor and unravel the mysteries of the haunted palace. What the pairs don’t expect is the death of their own, gruesome murders at the hand of someone in their very own positions and an evil danger beyond any of their imagination lurking in the mansion.

This novel was a great concoction of mystery, action, interpersonal relationships, character growth, dazzling descriptions, and world building.

The world of Dominicus and the Nine Houses is expansive and rich, something that I haven’t been able to sink my teeth into, and not for lack of trying, but because it is so deep and so layered that I simply need to take several bites to get it all down.

The mystery is fulfilling and strangely, to me at least, reminiscent of a game called Danganronpa. If you know what that is, and even if you don’t, it centers around the idea of a murder mystery, but where the killer is one of your own and the mystery is trying to figure out not ony the who, but the why of what they are doing, amongst a slew of other deadly riddles.

Gideon the Ninth is the same. As people continue to get picked off and brutally murdered, as a reader you find yourself trying to puzzle out not only who, but why someone would commit such atrocities and the motivation behind it.

The plot itself of Gideon the Ninth was extremely satisfying and alluring. There were times where I personally found that novel bogged down with excessive description, but it was usually broken up with Gideon’s personal brand of crass humor, a very much needed breather with the expansive exposition, that, while extremely well done, well researched, and well written, did get a tad boring from time to time for me personally, even if it allowed for clear imagery as well as adding to already well formed world building.

In addition to the plot, all of the characters were well done and as fleshed out as they could be considering the amount of characters involved. First, even though this is set in a fantasy sci-fi setting, each of the characters seemed realistic and like they could potentially be real people.

A large criticism of books I often have, especially in YA, is that the characters often come across like caricatures, and not real flesh and blood humans with both positive and negative qualities.

Each character, some developed more than others, have both flaws and strengths, even the main characters, which I highly appreciated. Not only does it make the story more real and palatable, but it also is just more interesting to read about as it’s actually based in humanity and the nature of human beings rather than some perfect carbon copy of one.

Gideon as a narrator was hilarious. She was often crass, blunt, horny, humorous and ignorant. But on the other hand, she was also an extremely talented fighter, actually very sweet deep down, forgiving, and loving.

This mix in a main character was a welcome one in addition to making Gideon feel like a real person, despite all the bone magic and necromancy, and often her thought process and dialogue made me laugh out loud.

Another main character, Harrowhark Nonagesimus (What a name!) is Gideon’s Necromancer and main companion. She’s bitter, rude, spiteful, and ruthless. She’s also hardworking, intelligent, and stubborn.

If you’re catching the pattern here, Muir isn’t just writing archetypes and passing them off as characters. She’s writing complex and nuanced personalities that are intriguing and interesting and well developed.

I could get into the other plethora of characters like Camila, Dulcinea, Palamedes, Magnus, Judith and so on, but this review would be a thousand pages long so I’ll just settle for saying that every character was well done and lovingly crafted and not one of them, even the annoying ones, were characters that I hated.

One important thing to note was Muir’s writing itself. It was incredible. Such descriptions! Such characterization! Such detail! Such vocabulary! I was supremely impressed with her writing as a whole and often found myself having to look up words that I had never heard of in my life (always a welcome change of pace). I was blown away by her sheet talent and creativity.

The last two things I have to note might get me in trouble.

One, the ending for me was...bittersweet. For fear of spoiling someone, I won’t get into details, but I found it both lacking and simultaneously making absolute sense. I wanted both more and yet, found that everything was just enough. It’s hard to put into words, but if you know, you know.

I do have a slightly sinking feeling though that the ending twist will somehow be undone in the sequel. I don’t know if this is true (although I will eventually find out), and I can’t decide if I’m going to be happy or dismayed by it.

Such conflicting feelings are in of itself homage to Muir’s skill as a writer and the complexities of her tale.

Lastly, the one aspect that might get me into the stickiest of predicaments: Harrowhark’s and Gideon’s relationship. I don’t know if I like it or not. On the one hand, I absolutely love it. It's a hate-to-love slow burn, which really is the only way an OTP makes its way into my heart. I love that they’re so different and yet so compatible, one flesh and one blood and all that other nonsense.

They see each other as equals, as adversaries, and I adore that dynamic in any pairing. I also love the F/F representation of some badass women and that they’re not traditionally attractive and beautiful.

One of my favorite lines came from the end of the book where Gideon describes Harrowhark’s face as, “bitter” and “hateful”. I just love when characters aren’t conventionally gorgeous and yet beautiful in the eyes of the beholder and all that jazz.

Now. Onto the problems.

Harrowhark’s and Gideon’s relationship is kinda...toxic? It grows into something less so, but it definitely starts off that way. I really hate imbalances of power of any kind and Harrowhark definitely has power over Gideon, power that she creully abuses. I asked myself: if Harrowhark was a man and treated Gideon so abysmally for years, and then Gideon eventually forgave him and loved him despite everything, would I think differently?

And the answer is yes, yes I would.

Is that fair? Probably not. But I can’t help but think how the dynamics change with the two of them being women, and how in my opinion, I think more is forgiven of Harrowhark because of it, even when it’s not deserved.

Now, Harrowhark is a complex character and has traumas of her own, but I just can’t help but think of all the things she did to Gideon and the things she took away from her and forced her to do and then think of them together and it’s...not great.

Overall, my feelings on their relationship are complicated (which is a repeated pattern when it comes to Muir’s writing) and I don’t mind that it’s complicated, it makes it interesting, but I also would be bereft to mention it here. I look forward to seeing how it develops and if my feelings change and grow on the matter as well.

In total, Gideon the Ninth is a fantastic read. It has everything you want inlaid with characters who not only push the plot along, but incentivize you to read more. It has complicated issues and complicated characters, but that means it’s nuanced and complex and juicy enough to bite into.

Don’t do what I did and wait years for this novel. If you need a good read, you don’t need to look any further and then let yourself be swept along for the necromantic ride.

Recommendation: “Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted gothic palace in space!” -Charles Stross. I mean. Come on people, what more can you ask for?

Score: 8/10

#gideon the 9th #gideon the ninth #tamsyn muir #harrowhark nonagesimus #adult fiction #book blog #book review #Book Recommendations #book rec #favorite books #LGBTQ fiction #lgbtqbook #F/F books #F/F romance #8/10

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itoldsunset · 4 years

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semi-translating/summarizing some things p’boss said on the hardest brief podcast. putting it under the cut because it ended up being wayyy longer than expected. also, my thai knowledge is that of a little kid who left her country very young so i probably missed some words/references, sorry!

(i got lazy and skipped the last part where they talked about the props and the colors (red = oh-aew, blue = teh, purple = tarn) but i feel like enough folks on here have done the color/visual analysis so we should be good):

he had this story he wanted to tell about two childhood friends and also knew he wanted to cast pp and billkin, but to make it work they had to pull from pp and billkin’s personalities to make sure that the characters they ended up creating would mesh with who pp and billkin are as performers; in writing the script, they sometimes asked pp and billkin to talk about their experiences as teenagers and adapted it to the series, so for example the storyline where teh and oh-aew meet each other again at afterschool chinese class and start out not liking each other, comes from pp and billkin’s real life when they first met and didn’t like each other

the interviewer asked p’boss to talk about how the itsay team has balanced representation in terms of gender and sexual orientation, and p’boss said it was important to have a team that understands the human experience and can draw from life experiences from multiple perspectives, which led to diversity in gender, sexual orientation, and age

when asked whether itsay is a Y series (BL), p’boss said his intention is to tell a story about the relationship between two boys, so it depends on how you define what counts as BL, LGBTQ, etc.

the interviewer and p’boss had this conversation about what characterizes something as BL, and the interviewer said after asking around it seemed like BL is about relationships between boys but more from a fantasy lens and tends to be different from gay couples in real life, and focuses on scenes between the two male leads, scenes that make you “pinch your pillow” (op: like scenes that make you squeal), but not so much on other moments outside of that; p’boss’s response (approximate translation): “i’m not sure myself, but from what i know, BL series seem to be about relationships between boys, but from the perspectives of girls, since that tends to be the target audience. so it tends to be what makes girls happy, what entertains them, that ends up being the content of BL.”

p’boss on lgbtq series: “i think it looks deeply at the real lives of people who are lgbt, it might be more realistic. it might be like, this is a real thing, but when you tell it in a series it becomes dark, but it’s real. in terms of itsay, in the beginning i didn’t know how to classify it, but when a lot of people started calling it lgbt, i thought, okay. [...] it’s just the story i wanted to tell, and i wanted to tell it with as much humanity as possible. i don’t want to limit viewers, i want as many people to see this as possible, so we can call it whatever they want as long as they watch it and it makes them happy.”

this is his first series focusing on lgbtq characters, but in hormones he wrote goi and dao’s characters (op: i didn’t know this?!)

with itsay, p’boss said it was important to him to have slower pacing to explore the intricacies of the emotions in each scene (different types of anger, different ways of sulking, different types of happy, different types of crying), making it somewhat different from my ambulance where things had to move more quickly to keep up with the speed of a tv drama

the interviewer asked “how does having two male leads change how you work?” and p’boss said there’s nothing different in the way you build chemistry between the two characters because you would just pull from their personalities, but the difference is in the conflict of the story which involves confusion and questioning about sexual orientation which a straight couple wouldn’t go through

p’boss: “when we think about how teh is the kind of person who doesn’t say what he’s thinking, or how oh-aew is the kind of person who’s upfront, anyone can play those roles--women, men, gay people, trans people can all have these roles.”

the interviewer said “itsay seems to be expanding the scope of lgbtq narratives by presenting it as easier for the characters to come out and say they love someone of the same sex. for example, especially compared to love of siam where the kiss scene between mario and pchy was considered something shocking, or in hormones, with the relationship between march and tou (phu and thee) where the characters spent a lot of time fighting with themselves about who they were attracted to. but in itsay, oh-aew was totally straightforward in saying he liked bas. do you think that’s because it’s easier and more open today?” p’boss: “i think the content changes depending on the generations, and oh-aew is really of today’s generation. it’s not that there are no longer kids who are confused about their sexual orientation or afraid to come out, even if ten or twenty years pass there will probably still be some kids who experience that. but there are people who are open and happy about how they live their lives. oh-aew is the type of lgbtq character that’s like, ‘i’m gay, and i’m proud to be who i am.’ [...] and it’s very positive that he sees himself as equal to straight people, because when we’re born, we can love anyone. if you’re a man, you can love another man and that’s a normal thing. that’s oh-aew’s attitude: i’m lgbtq, i’m gay, i’m proud, my parents accept me, and i can tell anyone confidently who i can love. i think a lot of people in this generation already see this as something normal, and we really need to make it something that’s equal. oh-aew represents that equality.”

p’boss on teh: “teh is a character who seems to come from older societal expectations where he’s a man, and he has to love women. but there are people who do still think this way. for teh, it’s hard for him to accept that he might like boys, but when he finds out oh-aew likes boys, he’s totally fine with it and sees it as normal. i feel like society needs to progress to this point, and beyond it, because it all has to be seen as normal. a lot of people when they talk about gay people they say there has to be a top and a bottom, but in reality anything can work, love can happen however. one day i could date someone who’s a trans woman, that’s possible, because it’s about feelings. or a woman who has always loved men could one day date a woman, that’s possible too. there’s a lot of freedom, and i want the characters to show that.”

they talked about how in the scene where teh pretends to hit on oh-aew in front of all their friends, the friends are shocked not that teh is attracted to guys, but they’re shocked that teh likes someone in the friend group. and that goes to show that it’s normal for someone to like someone of the same sex, whereas 20 years ago maybe the characters would have reacted in confusion or shock.

p’boss talking about what was challenging about making this series: “in terms of writing the script, we had to think about how to tell the story in a way that shows the characters’ emotions at all times. for example in episode 2, we explored the restlessness that teh feels when he’s confused about he feels jealous or possessive of his friend. when we say it like that, it’s relatable to people who know what it’s like to feel possessive of their best friend, but how to execute that on the screen is a different matter.”

why phuket? p’boss: “when i decided to tell a story about two boys, i wanted the atmosphere to be romantic. even if the story isn’t romantic, like two boys who are best friends eating together, but i wanted the visuals to be romantic that it looks like it could be a romance film. it intrigues the viewers and adds a certain sweetness to it. i wanted a good environment, so i searched in a lot of different provinces. at first i went to ayutthaya, mae hong son, chiang mai, chiang rai, songkhla. but when i talked to the team, one person wanted to go to the mountains, another wanted to go to the cape, another wanted to go to the beach. even if there’s a beach there has to be a city. we wanted everything, and phuket has it all. old town has a city feel, but there’s also the beach and mountains, so we decided to go to down to phuket while we were writing the script, to confirm whether it would actually work. i’m from hatyai, so i’m from the south, but i rarely ever went to phuket so i wasn’t sure if it would work.”

p’boss said filming the underwater kiss was difficult because there needed to be sunlight in order to capture everything in the way they wanted, but when they got to the island, there was no sun and it was about to rain. so they looked up the color of luck/success for that day and it was purple (op: i don’t have context for this so i can’t explain further lol), so they told everyone to wear a purple shirt. the day they went to film the scene, they all wore purple shirts, but when they got to the site it looked like it was about to rain, so p’yong took off his shirt and hung it on the boat, and as they were filming, every time they said “action” the sun would come out and every time they said “cut” the sun would go away, and p’boss said it was magical and that’s how it came out to be the scene we saw.

#itsay #i told sunset about you #boss naruebet #boss kuno #itsay translated

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hellomynameisbisexual · 4 years

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I’ve identified as straight, I’ve identified as gay, and I’ve identified—and still identify—as bi. My sexual identity is something of a shapeshifting mass that I can never quite firmly grasp. In the minds of many, I’m confused. But I don’t see it that way. I’ve always been confident in my sexual orientation; it’s just changed over time. For the majority of my life, I was solely romantically and sexually linked to women. But in my late 20s, I started to experiment with men (something I’ve wanted to do for a long, long time) and really liked it. Now, I’m far more attracted to men than women, but who’s to say my sexual preference won’t sway again?

“It’s not uncommon for people’s sexual identities to change,” sex educator Erica Smith, M.Ed, tells NewNowNext. “I know this as a sexuality educator and because I’ve experienced it firsthand. I’ve identified as bisexual, lesbian, queer, and straight (when I was very young). It wasn’t until I was in my mid-30s that I relaxed into the knowledge that my sexual attractions are probably going to keep changing and shifting my whole life.”

According to Alisa Swindell, Ph.D. candidate and bisexual activist, it is not always our sexuality that changes. Usually, it’s our understanding of our sexuality that evolves when we explore what feels right to us. “Our understanding of gender and how it is expressed has been evolving at a rate that has not previously been known (or studied) and that is changing how we understand our own desires and responses to others,” she says.

Many outside factors can influence our sexuality. For instance, Swindell thinks many bisexuals are playing against a numbers game. “There are more people with other gender attractions than same-gender, so more often bisexual people end up in relationships with people of another gender and find it easier to pursue those relationships,” she says.

In her opinion, this sentiment is especially true for women, as there is still a lot of stigma toward bi women within lesbian communities. Men, however, experience a different set of challenges.

“Once [men] start dating [other] men, they often find themselves in social situations that are almost exclusively male and so meeting women becomes harder,” she adds, effectively summarizing my lived experience as a sexually active bisexual man. “Also, those men, like all of us, were socialized to respond to heterosexual norms. So many men who enjoy the queerness of the male spaces are still often attracted to heteronormative women who do not always respond to male bisexuality due to continuing stigma.”

The continuing stigma often pressures bisexuals to adopt a monosexual identity. Take Leslie, a “not super out” bisexual, as an example. Leslie dated a woman from her late teens to early 20s, keeping her sexual orientation a secret because her parents were conservative and she didn’t want to ruffle any feathers. As she revisits her past same-sex relationship with me, she has a realization: “In reflecting on all of that, I think deep down I thought that being with a man would just be easier.”

Now married to a man, Leslie feels like she’s lost her bi identity, though she’s still attracted to different genders. “When I see people I follow online and find out they are bisexual I usually reach out and say, ‘I am, too!’ so I can collect sisters and brothers where I can,” she adds. “Otherwise, as I am cisgender-presenting I often feel like I don’t really have a say but I offer my support.”

This loss of identity is all too common. “Maintaining a recognized bisexual identity can be difficult as monosexuality is still the assumed norm,” Swindell says, noting that showing support—whether that looks like keeping up with issues that affect bisexuals, correcting people who mistakenly call bisexuals gay or straight, or encouraging our partners to not let that slide when it comes up with friends and family are all important for maintaining an identity—as Leslie has, is important to maintaining a bi identity. Smith adds this loss of identity may be attributed to a person’s own internalized biphobia, too.

“When it comes to sexuality in particular, there is rightfully a lot of autonomy given to people to self-identify. If someone self-identifies as queer or bisexual, none of their sexual or relational behavior, in of itself, alters that,” psychotherapist Daniel Olavarria, LCSW, tells NewNowNext. “Of course, there is also a recognition that by marrying someone of the opposite sex, for example, that this queer person is exercising a level of privilege that may alter their external experience in the world. As a result, this may have implications for how that person is perceived among queer and non-queer communities.”

Jodi’s experience as a bisexual person is more reflective of my own: She shares that she’s gone through stages where she only dates men, and others where she only dates women. Available studies suggest that only a minority of bisexuals maintain simultaneous relationships with both genders. In one report, self-identified bisexuals were asked if they had been sexually involved with both men and women in the past 12 months. Two-thirds said yes, and only one-third has been simultaneously involved with both genders.

As for a possible explanation? “It can be really difficult for us to find partners who are comfortable with us dating other genders at the same time,” Smith offers up as a theory.

“If I’m in a situation where I have to be exhibiting a lot of ‘masculine’ energy (running projects, being very in charge of things at work, etc.), then I tend to want to be able to be in more ‘feminine’ energy at home,” Jodi adds, clarifying that people of any gender identity can boast masculine and feminine energy. “Likewise, if my work life looks quieter and focused on more ‘feminine’ aspects such as nurturing and caregiving, I tend to want to exhibit a stronger more masculine presence while at home.”

Bisexuality is, in many ways, a label that can accommodate one’s experience on a sexuality spectrum. This allows for shifts based on a person’s needs or interests at any given point in their life. Perhaps “The Bisexual Manifesto,” published in 1990 from the Bay Area Bisexual Network, says it best:

Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature: that we have “two” sides or that we must be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don’t assume that there are only two genders.

Sexuality is complicated, and how we experience it throughout our lives is informed by a multitude of different factors—the exploration of power dynamics, craving certain types of sexual experiences, and social expectations can all influence our gender preferences at any given time, to name just a few. Much like our own bodies, our understanding of our sexual orientation will continue to grow.

I’ve come to accept this ongoing evolution as a wonderful and inevitable thing. Imagine having a completely static sexual orientation your entire life? Boring! Being able to explore your sexuality with wonderful people of all genders is intensely satisfying and uniquely insightful, no matter how many others try to denounce what you feel in your heart or your loins.

I didn’t choose the bi life; the bi life chose me. And I am grateful.

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oh-lali-lali-lali-lalipop · 4 years

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@mysteriousdbzgt: Hi oh-lali-lali-lali-lalipop! Thank you for your ask. First of all, thanks for asking this question here on my personal (and also for the follow over on t&bftw, welcome aboard! :D) I think you can probably tell from here, that I’m a huge supporter of them becoming romantically involved lol I don’t shy about that here, but I like to present a more neutral stance over on my news dedicated blog, to not influence others of my personal opinions. With regards to the new season, as much as I would be supportive of it, I unfortunately highly doubt that they would become “official” in S2 or anything in the future, but will remain extremely dedicated and attentive to one another, regardless of their constant bickering. The creators of the show are more than aware of the popularity of the “couple”, being constantly popular at doujinshi events and the continuous amounts of merchandise that they bring out, which regularly focuses on the main duo rather than all of the Heroes all the time. The fandom is primarily dominated by women, when originally the show was supposed to target men and “salarymen”, but attracted a completely different demographic that they hadn’t anticipated. I can only think that’s mainly because of the appeal of K&B. Also not helped by some of the staff’s, let’s just say, “unfiltered” thoughts when they discuss about K & B in older interviews, centering around “love” and other similar notions. I think they still want to keep this series aimed towards a male demographic, even if the results don’t line up as they expect. But highly ironically, it’s what makes the show successful, so I doubt they would want to change how they portray Kotetsu and Barnaby’s relationship. Personally I would be absolutely over the moon if they did become “official”, because they’re just perfect for one another (hehe) and it could just break so many standard conventions/boundaries on how media portrays same-sex relationships, if done appropriately, and not be labelled with any genre tags like “BL”, “yaoi” or anything similar, and still simply just be a “drama”, “superhero” tale, with the two main males eventually getting together but not make a big song and dance about it. If we want to normalise LGBT relationships within our media and what we consume, then we need to drop these tags and portray them in a healthy manner, which I think the show does well between them both. I believe that the staff have the talent to pull it off, they just need to be cautious on how they do it. Like you said, how FE is presented in the show which such great self confidence about themselves and who they are, really shows that they can write this. Also T&B’s spiritual successor show, Double Decker (who had a lot of the same staff) tackles some LGBT themes pretty well, so they could absolutely do it. But yeah, I don’t think they’ll become “official” unfortunately. But if anything, I anticipate that KxB will most likely be working even closer together in S2, so they’ll be more in tune with one another, and possibly open up even more to each other than they did before. Hopefully they’ll be over the huge feuds and split apart phase, which The Rising focused on (they’ll still bicker all the time, but that’s just how they are), so we can see just how far their relationship has come and changed for the better. Anyway this is probably way too long (sorry), but always interested to hear your thoughts too! :)

Heya! Before I start I just wanna say thank you so much for taking the time to give me such a thorough reply, it is incredibly well thought out and written! I also want to say I am so freaking sorry you had to type out my monstrosity of a name (seriously didn’t think about that when making the joke lol). Oh, and I’m equally sorry for the formatting of the reply... really had no clue how to go about it, so I just defaulted to going about it the roleplayer way haha. Anyways, for starters, I think I should say that I actually agree with you a lot. You see, logically I think it feels highly unlikely they’d make them “official” in the new season. I’m not sure if I feel like it’s unlikely because I, someone who’s in the LGBTQ community, am a pessimist (aka, I’m negative regardless of proof) who is use to companies not delivering on it/assume companies won’t deliver on it.... or if I’m genuinely, but unconsciously, picking up on Sunrise’s stance of “not gonna happen”. Despite all that I still feel stupidly hopeful about it (y’know, heart louder than the mind and all that jazz)... and I guess for the sake of the discussion I’ll break down why! lol So, I got into the fandom.... around the time of The Rising, I think, so anywhere from 2014 to 2015. I instantly fell in love with it all, but I did end up falling out of the loop for awhile (being a teenager and all that). Recently (recently being that I finished S1 on Friday, watched The Rising on Sunday, and now I’m here lol) I got back into it and.... wow, a lot of it is the same, and.... at the same time it felt like I had so much more to process. It’s still as amazing as ever, if not even more so, and just like with everything else I love with my entire being I started to analyze it and read into it (maybe a little bit too much so lol). In all honesty, KxB seriously stood out even more so than it did last time for me (I don’t know if it’s because I’m now accepting of my sexuality or what) and while it’s not actually the best part of the series to me (God, Barnaby’s arc means so much to me what with me struggling with cPTSD, but that story is best left on my RP blog) I do have to admit that the pairing is... incredibly meaningful, and beautiful. Moving for me, really. I guess the following observations, and hopeful thinking that came after it, could be deduced to me just wearing shipper goggles, but considering my habit of over analyzing and breaking things down... I do try to make predictions and opinions logically, and with that in mind it’s why I’m so stuck on the “hopeful thinking”, since a tiny bit of logical thinking is fueling it. Tiger & Bunny is about human relationships, really. For a show focusing on NEXTs... it’s really about humanity, corruption, society, relationships... and KxB all along the first season is written as an undertone, like a slow burn (which is entirely fitting, and seriously makes any relationship better), which fits because the first season is, in actuality, not focused on that (the plot being bigger than we can see and all that). In the end, having rewatched it, I also noticed how, really, the undertone is written in such a way that.... it feels like Barnaby is the one with the “crush” (or is the first one to realize it) which... kinda fits with the old statements from the crew. Kotetsu the forever oblivious one who hasn’t had an epiphany yet (although if I’m being honest, The Rising seems to have this “side-plot” feeling of Kotetsu having the epiphany when he realizes what he’s lost, which is what I meant by the flow of the series somewhat feels like it’s building towards it)... .... There’s also the whole “leaving it to interpretation thing” they said back then. Which, I have to agree with some other people that it feels like it’s just a way of saying “it’s romantic but we don’t want to take that risk”.... and that was back around 2011. It’ll have been decade since then when S2 is released, and, while a decade is just a decade, a lot has changed on a societal basis since then. Even during this decade long gap Sunrise has become more bold with their representation, whether it be Double Decker! or The Rising.... almost like they’re testing the waters... and what better way to champion representation than to make two main characters the representation? This franchise is... so human in it’s story, and the meaning doing such a thing would have for so many people... in a way, I think out ways some of the risks. I feel like the build up is there, the want is there (tbh seeing posts on tumblr of people talking about how they hope they’ll get a kiss in S2 or something “official” like that also fueled this)... it just depends on whether they’ll feel afraid or not. Which is, really, why I asked for your opinion. You do such good work at trying to bridge the gap between the Japanese fandom/Sunrise and the English speaking community (which, btw, you are amazing at, I can’t thank you enough for the work you do), and I knew you’d be more informed on Sunrise’s attitude and statements, as well as the general opinions and depositions of the Japanese fans. In the end, I can “read into” things all I want, but it won’t matter if you can’t understand the one who pulls the strings... and because of that I wanted to know your opinion. I’m so so sorry this got so long!! I’m really horrible at summarizing myself, so this turned into a major ramble.... I’m gonna wrap it up now before this turns into a novel haha. Again, thank you so much for responding to my question and for being open to discussing it, it means so much! I truly respect your opinion, since it helps me clear my own thoughts, as well as gives me a dose of reality so I don’t get my hopes up too much... I guess in the end though, a part of me is going to continue to think that they just might have the heart to do it, irregardless lol. I look forwards to seeing what you have to say about what I’ve written here!

#mysteriousdbzgt #thoughts #Tiger & Bunny #I have no clue why tumblr tried to squash your post when I copied it like Kotetsu squashes his burgers #but jesus fucking christ #also tumblr what did you do to block quotes wtf

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waritawrites · 3 years

Text

A Secret: Watch Out for the Evil Eye Symbol!

https://followerofthewayforever.wordpress.com/2021/02/22/a-secret-watch-out-for-the-evil-eye-symbol/

The Evil Eye has made a reappearance into popular culture, particularly in fashion, jewelry and accessories, and alleged "art." It is a hateful stare that is used to place curses on others. In John H. Elliot's Beware the Evil Eye: The Evil Eye in the Bible and the Ancient World: -Volume 1 Introduction, Mesopotamia, and Egypt, He tells the truth about the evil eye by sharing Jesus' sermon on the mount:

"Beware the Evil Eye: The Evil Eye in the Bible and the Ancient World: -Volume 1 Introduction, Mesopotamia, and Egypt

In his celebrated 'Sermon on the Mount,' Jesus of Nazareth makes reference to one of the oldest beliefs in the ancient world the malignity of an Evil Eye (Matt 6:22-23): 'If, however, your Eye is Evil, your entire body will be full of darkness.' Another of Jesus's references to the Evil Eye appears in his parable concerning workers in a vineyard and an eruption of Evil-Eyed envy (Matt 20:1-16). At the parable’s conclusion, a generous vineyard owner chides disgruntled workers envious of their fellow laborers: 'Is your Eye Evil because I am good?' (Matt 20:15)."

According to Britannica.com

"Evil eye, glance believed to have the ability to cause injury or death to those on whom it falls; pregnant women, children, and animals are thought to be particularly susceptible. Belief in the evil eye is ancient and ubiquitous; it occurred in ancient Greece and Rome, in Jewish, Islamic, Buddhist, and Hindu traditions, and in indigenous, peasant, and other folk societies, and it has persisted throughout the world into modern times. Those most often accused of casting the evil eye include strangers, malformed individuals, childless women, and old women."

Personally, I have noticed when certain acquaintances and relatives come around catastrophe strikes not long after, especially after they have acted condescending and hateful. Once my grandmother wanted to know why I didn't want to go the wedding of one my cousins. I told her that it was because certain of our other relatives were going to the wedding and I noticed that every time there was a new encounter that would cause more frequent contact with them, catastrophes would strike. I told her that I suspected that they were practicing witchcraft. My grandmother didn't defend them - if it weren't true she would have. My grandmother said nothing. She is a woman who went out of town to the casino with her sister when I had gotten seriously ill in high school. She picked me up from school, took me home, then she and my great aunt told me that they couldn't stay - they left town told no one that I was at home sick. I almost died.

Be careful of the company that you keep - no matter who it is. Everyone who seems to treat you nice doesn't have good intentions towards you. Witches often offer gifts and favors as a way of cursing people. Do not accepts gifts if you can avoid it. Don't keep them because those may be cursed objects - THROW THEM AWAY!

!!PAY ATTENTION!! When people who you hardly ever see come around and weird things happen, pray to GOD for help and put those people in GOD's hands.

The Evil Eye is Witchcraft

Deuteronomy 18:9 - 13

9 When thou art come into the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee, thou shalt not learn to do after the abominations of those nations.

10 There shall not be found among you any one that maketh his son or his daughter to pass through the fire, or that useth divination, or an observer of times, or an enchanter, or a witch,

11 Or a charmer, or a consulter with familiar spirits, or a wizard, or a necromancer.

12 For all that do these things are an abomination unto the LORD: and because of these abominations the LORD thy God doth drive them out from before thee.

13 Thou shalt be perfect with the LORD thy God.

Rhonda Byrne's The Secret and The Law of Attraction: It is the manifestation of an evil eye

Witches often use the evil eye in various ways. They practice its use in The Law of Attraction, which is a metaphysical principle which purports that by positive thinking you can control your world and the world around you. Kerby Anderson's The False Teaching of “The Secret” – A Christian Evaluation states:

“The Law of Attraction.”{6} You can summarize the law with three words: “Thoughts become things.” In other words, if you think hard enough about something, it will take place. Think good thoughts, and you will reap good things. Think bad thoughts, and bad things will happen to you. You create your own circumstances, and you can change those circumstances with your thoughts.

A central teaching of “The Law of Attraction” is that nothing can come into your experience unless you summon it through persistent thoughts. Thus, everything that surrounds you right now (both good and bad) has been attracted to you. As you focus on what you want, you are changing the vibration of atoms of that thing so that they begin to vibrate to you.{7} Ultimately, you determine the frequency or vibration so that you can best acquire wealth, health, and fulfillment."

Vision boards are forms of evil eye law of attraction witchcraft as well. Do not use the practices of witchcraftvto manifest the things that you want. Galatians 5:16 - 26:

Galatians 5:16 - 26:

16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.

17 For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.

18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.

19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,

20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,

21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.

25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

26 Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.

Pray and Trust in GOD for what you want according to HIS Will. James 4:2 - 17 states:

James 4:2 - 17

2 Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.

3 Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.

4 Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.

5 Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy?

6 But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.

7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

8 Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.

9 Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness.

10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.

11 Speak not evil one of another, brethren. He that speaketh evil of his brother, and judgeth his brother, speaketh evil of the law, and judgeth the law: but if thou judge the law, thou art not a doer of the law, but a judge.

12 There is one lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy: who art thou that judgest another?

13 Go to now, ye that say, To day or to morrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and get gain:

14 Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.

15 For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that.

16 But now ye rejoice in your boastings: all such rejoicing is evil.

17 Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.

In pure Christianity, we recognize that witchcraft is an attempt at usurping GOD's Authority by trying to become your own god. GOD's understanding is infinite. Man's understanding is limited and finite - we don't see the whole picture - we don't know the whole situation. 1 Corinthians 13:12 says:

1 Corinthians 13:12

12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

GOD sees clearly therefore leaning unto our understanding via witchcraft will bring about unholy, selfish, unrighteous results. Proverbs 3:5 - 8 says:

Proverbs 3:5 - 8

5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

8 It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.

#GOD #Jesus #HolySpirit #TheBible

#TheSecret #TheLawOfAttraction #RhondaByrne #Oprah #NewAge #Witches #Witchcraft #EvilEye

#GOD #Jesus #Holy Spirit #evil eye #witchcraft #wicca #christian wicca #curse #hex #spell #witch #The Secret #Rhonda Byrne #law of attraction

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ninetyonekz · 3 years

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Translation of Destination of Asia (February 2016)

So, tell us a little about yourself?

- Hello everyone, we are Ninety One! Why Ninety One, you ask? For Kazakhstan, this is a very important numeral, because on December 16, 1991, our country became independent. By this we want to say that our art and movement are also independent, we want to show the spirit of free youth - this is the concept of our group. The team came together thanks to the k-top idols project, where A.Z. and ZaQ were among the finalists. Then there was the second season, Alem and Bala passed there, and then Ace joined us. We trained together for about an year.

Is it true that the group was based on Korean boy band model? If so, what traits did you adopt, and what did you decide to make unique?

- No, not really. We took only the system itself, adopted in Korea. In terms of the plan, we have a clear concept, everything is staged and rehearsed many times. After all, we all gathered from different regions of the country, each has its own specialty, but when we are together, we give a single concept and idea. Actually, this is what we adopted from our colleagues from Korea.

What inspires you?

All in chorus: EAGLEZ!

- There is a lot to say about our fans. This is the first fandom formed in Kazakhstan, and we were very surprised and glad that there were people who really love us. They show their support to us every day, every minute, every second. And you know, this greatly inspires us to do something, to write new songs. We feel this support behind our backs and receive a great boost of energy from it.

Do you write the songs yourself?

Alem: Of course! We have a fairly large team engaged in this part of the work. Before recording, we definitely consult about music and words, and only after that we start practicing in the studio. Lyrics are mainly written by our rappers A.Z. and ZaQ, and we participate in the composition of the tune, as co-authors. I think that in every song all the members include something of their own.

What is the relationship between the members within the group?

Ace: You can probably say that since the band was formed, we became very, very close, almost like brothers. We deal with problems together and, despite the fact that I joined the guys later than everyone else, now I can say for sure that we are one friendly family.

Alem: Yes, even more! We gathered from different parts of Kazakhstan, each had his own idea, his own views, but when we met, we approached each other like pieces of a correctly assembled puzzle! We have what we need, that's for sure!

- Do you listen to any music from Southeast Asia (K-Pop, K-Rock, J-Rock, J-Pop and so on)?

Ace: Well, personally, from the list of the above, I only listen to K-Pop. This is a great opportunity to gain experience and maybe even get some inspiration for your own new songs.

ZaQ: I listened to J-Rock for a while and I liked it. As for K-Pop, we still watch more from a professional point of view - this music is very different from Western music, and we can learn a lot from Korean artists. In general, you yourself understand, there are a lot of groups in different countries, and they are all different, but K-Pop teams are the closest to us in terms of concept.

- Is there a group that interests you?

ZaQ: Actually, it is very difficult to answer this question, since we are interested this direction as a whole, as I mentioned earlier.

Alem: Hyukoh! Although, in my opinion, it is difficult to call them a group, rather, they are artists, but this does not make them less cool. Especially their main soloist, who writes all the music himself.

- Find a word to describe the concept of your debut video? Was it difficult to work on the camera during his filming?

Everyone: Ayiptama or Don’t judge me?

ZaQ: The funny thing is that in the song we say Ayiptama “Don't judge me” to the girl, sort of like “Don't blame me”. If now we take and choose a word for our concept, then it is simply " Ayiptama ", do not judge us for the fact that we started it like this.

Alem: With dyed hair ...

Ace: The first time was, of course, difficult to shoot, since this is our first video. There were some problems, but, to be honest, there weren't any particular difficulties.

Alem: Actually, for everyone in different ways, we have Ace who is just talented.

Ace: Well it happened that we were preparing for filming both physically and mentally. We looked from what angle we look better, prepared ourselves, worked a lot with the mirror. And largely due to this, the shooting itself is wasn’t much, but it became easier for us.

Alem: We had a kind of warm-up, in plan, each one was filmed separately in the outdoors. They just found interesting places in the city, and even if there was a crowd of people, it worked anyway. Thanks to this, by the way, the feeling of embarrassment went away, began to see better angles from the side. But it's still difficult on the set, especially when there is a professional cameraman and directors who require more movement, and so on. This is not to say that it is absolutely horrible, but that it’s not easy - that’s for sure.

Do you have any idols on whom you would like to be equal?

Alem: I like Will Smith, but not as an artist or singer, but as a person. Well, of course you know, he is a very cool pop singer, rapper and writes the songs himself. Why do I consider him my idol? Probably because he always defends his point of view to the end and lives doing what he loves, completely surrendering to him. I remember he once talked about how if you start building a wall, then you need to build everything brick by brick. This is exactly what we all need to always achieve our goals and not be distracted by anything, even if something is not going as fast as we would like.

Ace: I agree with him. If you take on something, then you have to do everything to the end. Well, you know my idol for sure - is Arnold Schwarzenegger. At first he was just a bodybuilder, but he became the best bodybuilder, then he wanted to become an actor and became one of the best, then he went into politics and became the best governor, as many say in the United States. Where I am leading - everything he undertook, he did at the highest level.

A.Z: Eminem has been my idol since childhood. I really like both his personality and creativity. He always shows skill in his music and has a special, unique style.

Bala: I don't have a specific idol - I usually like one thing in different peoples, and I try to take the good from each of them.

ZaQ: I look up to my grandfather. Seriously, he is like Will Smith and Schwarzenegger combined, and indeed a very versatile person who constantly surprises me.

What is your ideal girl type?

Alem: I like active ladies. I can't even pinpoint exactly what is is, because it is always different. But what catches me the most about girls - their eccentricity and charisma, they always stand out against the general background. She may be …

Other members: Ugly?

Alem: Hey, no, no! Girls can’t be ugly, because there are no ugly women. I also like it when a girl is a good at speaking and is able to show her emotions.

Ace: Well, my ideal type of girl ... Actually, it doesn’t exist yet. I am attracted by calm, homely and well-mannered girls, I would call this type a "good wife".

A.Z: As for me, a girl should be, first of all, smart, friendly, polite and, I think, calm. To summarize - my complete opposite.

Bala: Before falling in love with someone's inner world, in any way looks at the appearance ...

The rest of the members: Maybe you can tell right away that you like beautiful ones?

Bala: All the girls are beautiful! And because of that, I like them all. But, to be honest, I prefer smart ones, those who are good at reasoning, are wise in their thoughts and also, perhaps, shy. Well. In general, shy cuties, here!

ZaQ: I don't have a specific type, but I like girls... such a, let’s face it, real. Who aren’t ashamed of their own opinion and simply aren’t ashamed of anything, well, you know, such extraordinary personalities. You can say, a little freaks, these are the ones that attract me. Those who don’t even care what people think of them, something like that.

Would you like to move forward not only at home, but also in Russia (with the CIS countries)?

Of course we do, why not? But first, we would like to create a certain starting base in Kazakhstan, and then, if our activity here is successful, we will try to work in the CIS as well! We can say that this is our main goal in the future, but everything has its time.

Do you have any plans to release a song in Russian?

- Not in the near future, but in the future - of course. And not only in Russian, in English, too. But at the moment we want to consolidate our position in our native country and for now release music only with words in Kazakh.

What is your current goal (both as a group and individually)?

- The overall goal is to create a subculture like Q-pop. There are K-pop, J-Pop, etc., and we should have Q-pop (qazaq pop). We want this direction to settle down in Kazakhstan and beyond. To become the founders of this movement and perhaps even create a subculture so that people in other countries, listening to our songs, think: "Oh, this is Q-pop." Our main desire - to develop the music industry and give it a second wind, and, of course, show our country from its best side. We also want to draw people's attention to the beauty of our language. And, of course, another goal is to enter the big stage and receive a national vocation. But in fact, we thought about these issues for a long time, and what personal goals we can have when we now have everything in common, including aspirations and plans. But still, of course, there are individual ones.

Alem: You know, there are so many languages in which jazz is performed all over the world. These songs become soundtracks for films, everyone knows them and hums them in everyday life. I would really like to create a project in which we could translate and perform all these compositions in our native language. I think this is quite achievable and the other members have even agreed to help me!

Ace: Most of all I want to fulfill myself, become successful and help your loved ones with full dedication, support them so that they do not need anything. Well, I guess that's a pretty good goal, right?

A.Z: Perhaps I have similar goals as the group - to promote Kazakhstan and our language around the world!

Bala: During the time that we are together, I have become very attached to the group. Since I’mm the youngest, I’m often spoiled by the rest of the members, and to be honest, I did not even think about anything other than "Ninety One". I always wanted to sing, and my goal, in fact, has already been fulfilled - I can do what I love with wonderful people. But as A.Z. said I really want to go to the world level.

ZaQ: I, alas, have not been able to finish my studies as a linguist, and my goal is directly related to our national language. I would like to show its beauty and versatility and prove that it can sound not only within the country, but also abroad.

Everyone: And we also plan to learn English at a good level, for example, like ZaQ and A.Z. They sometimes walk around the dorm, communicate with each other in English and even in Korean. Our immediate goal now is to understand what they are talking about.

There is also an individual question for Azamat: why did you decide to return back to Kazakhstan?

Ace: I had my own personal reasons, which I pondered for a long time and which I would not particularly like to spread. About a year before I returned, I already thought about it, but all the time I put off this difficult decision. At some point, the move still had to be made, I made a choice in favor of my home country. I am very grateful to everyone who was next to me in Seoul, who helped me and taught me, passing on invaluable experience. But now I'm at Ninety One and a new path is just beginning!

What, in your opinion, is lacking in the Kazakh show business at the moment and what are its strengths?

- The strongest side is that the Kazakh show business is just developing. This positive trend can be seen with the naked eye, which is good news. Plus, there are now many new bands and genres emerging so that people can finally choose what to listen to. What's missing? Perhaps systematic, practical and consistent. As well as special programs for the formation of artists and their promotion. However, this deficiency is now gradually disappearing.

Now for a fun question: Did you know that fans write fanfiction about you, and how do you feel about it?

Everyone: We learned about what fanfics are from our fans and decided to read it. In fact, it’s not only very strange, but also funny to realize that you are the main character of someone’s story. Plus, it helps us analyze how our fans see us from the outside. And, of course, it's nice that we inspire someone to be creative, so undoubtedly this aspect of our contact with fans also deserves special attention.

Alem: I once read about myself, about other members, and there were both normal stories and very strange ones. At first we were very surprised at this and didn’t believe that it was about us at all. And I also read a work where I am downright a bad boy, and I wondered if they really see me like that? Because I never had negative intentions and I am generally a kind guy.

What wishes would you like to leave to our readers and your fans?

- Smile always and everywhere, no matter what! Always be in a good mood and never lose faith in the future! And, of course, listen to our music! We also want to express our huge gratitude to our fans. What can we promise on our part? We will only make high-quality music, give the best that we can create! The main thing is that we believe in your support and love, and we will give it to you with great return! We also hope that you will support our first mini-album and our further work! Give good and good mood to others! We love you madly, we are very pleased that you support us! In any incomprehensible situation you have us, and we have you, and together we can overcome a lot. Eaglez, be always healthy and happy, because if we are happy, you should be doubly happy. Baqytta Bolnizdar! ("Be happy"). And, of course, we wish all the best to all Destination Asia readers!

#Ninety One #translation #boys

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ellixthea · 5 years

Text

Opposites Attract - Part 4

Taglist: @hi20082 @toby-wallace-is-life @carnesvictoria98 @partitionxplease @xxkellsvixen19xx @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk

Previous part

As you parked your car in the driveway, you could see by the cars outside that there were a lot of people. Play it cool you said to yourself before getting out of the car. As you got closer to the house, you could here the music becoming louder and louder. Once you were inside, you started to grow nervous as you saw the among of people inside the house. They were either drinking, dancing or smoking. You looked around to find a familiar figure until you felt two hands grabbing your arms. “Y/N I’m glad you could make it!” You heard Rook tell you with a huge smile on his face. You could see that he was already drunk and his enthusiasm at your presence made you chuckled. “Do you know where Kells is?” You shouted to be sure he could here you through the loud music. “Nope but I will let him know that you’re here when I see him.” He answered as he winked at you. You didn’t really know what it meant but you decided to put it on the alcohol. You made your way to the kitchen to find something to drink and by luck, you found a drink without alcohol in it. As you went back to the large living room, you found Kells with a girl by his side when his eyes met yours and he immediately made his way to you. “Damn Y/N, you look so fucking sexy in this outfit.” He announced, looking at your from head to toes, smirking a bit. “Oh thank you Kells.” You replied, putting also his compliment on the alcohol when in fact he meant every single word. He was a bit drunk but not enough for him to say things he didn’t mean.

As the party went on, you found yourself feeling self-conscious. You were surrounded by beautiful women and you felt like you didn’t belong there. You tried to have fun, you actually went to dance for a moment but you were mostly talking to a few people, away for the crowd. You went to grab another free alcohol drink when Kells asked you to meet him in the garden. He was sitting by the pool, with his feet in the water. Some people were also outside to get some air as well. You sat next to him with your legs crossed. “What’s up?” You asked as you took a sip of your drink. “I just wanted to tell you that I’m very happy to work with you.” You smiled at his statement. “I’m also happy that I got the opportunity to work on this project with you.” You felt a little nervous. Being face to face with him but in a different context made you realized that you were starting to love him more than just a simple friend. You tried your best not to but you couldn’t control your feelings. “Can I ask you something?” He asked bringing you back from your thoughts. “Yeah sure what is it?” “Are you seeing someone?” You didn’t expect his question and you tried your best not to get awkward. “No, I’m not. You know with the album and the tour I was pretty busy,” you started “and I needed this actually. After my last relationship, I needed to find myself again you know.” “Oh I totally feel you.” He added as he played with the water with his feet. “Yeah your Bloom album pretty much summarized what you’ve been through with your relationships.” You said as you felt sorry for him. “Yeah, but I think I’m ready to date again.” He replied as he looked at you. You didn’t know what was going on but there was definitely something that was happening. It wasn’t awkward, it actually felt right. “Kells, my dude I need you to show you something.” One of his friends interrupted which brought the two of you back to reality. “I’m sorry.” He said with a weak smile and left. You watched him leave, as the butterflies in your stomach.

You came back inside and you felt like you didn’t fit in. Being around so much alcohol and weed wasn’t something you were fond of and since you weren’t doing any of those, you felt like you were to a different party despites being in the same place as everyone. You were acting laidback and cool about it, not wanting people to find out that you were feeling insecure and shy about it.

After a while, you came back from the kitchen to see Kells sitting on a couch with two girls by his side, being very close. They were laughing and one of the girls was having her leg on his. You would lie if you would say that it didn’t make you feel some way seeing that. You felt jealous and hurt, as if what happened a few moment ago by the pool was only a one side thing. When the other girl kissed his neck was when you couldn’t handle it anymore. You took your things and left which Kells noticed. He saw that you witnessed what the girl did so when you walked to your car he came after you. “Y/N what are you doing?” He asked as his grabbed your arm. “I’m leaving, I’m feeling tired.” You lied. “If it’s because of what the girl did I promise you that he didn’t mean anything to me.” You couldn’t described what you were reading from his eyes. “You don’t have to justify yourself, it’s not like we’re together anyway.” You replied, as you kept walking to your car, wanted to hide the hurt that could be seen on your face. You opened your car’s door and were about to close it when he held it back. “Are you sure your okay?” He asked not breaking the eye contact. “I am.” You simply replied as you gave him a weak smile before closing the door. He watched you drove away, scratching the back of his neck, feeling guilty about the situation.

#machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly imagine #machine gun kelly x reader #machine gun kelly fanfic #machine gun kelly fanfiction #mgk #mgk imagine #mgk x reader #mgk fanfic #mgk fanfiction #colson baker #colson baker imagine #colson baker x reader #colson baker fanfic #colson baker fanfiction

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usukusliterarygems · 4 years

Text

#2: Lipstick.

Read It Here!

Author: Diurnal Days. @diurnaldays

Genre: Romance, drama.

Rating: Mature.

(USUK/UKUS/USUKUS)

One-shot (19.478 words).

Summary: Sometimes, something as small as a tube of lipstick can mean so much.

Warnings: Depictions of homophobia, misgendering, use of a dead name and slurs.

Drama level: All is rainbows/A small problem happens for like a second/Some conflicts and tense situations but you can handle it/You may shed some tears/NO TEARS LEFT TO CRY

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- Analysis -

There are great USUKUS fics and there are USUKUS fics that you can really see being transformed into a published book or movie. This fic is definitely in the second category for me. It is an excellent coming of age story with realistic characters dealing with heartfelt dramas.

“Lipstick” is about Alyssa and Alice, two teenagers who are childhood friends, finding out about their identity and their true feelings for each other. The detail is that we see the story from the point of view of Alice who does not yet know that she is a lesbian and that her best friend, "Alfred", is a trans girl.

(By the way, I'll call "Alfred" by their chosen name, Alyssa, here, although in the story the name most used for the character is "Alfred" since she doesn’t come out as a trans girl until much later.)

Well, let's summarize the story. Alice and Alyssa are best friends who know each other since childhood. Alice is a strong, smart girl who enjoys British stuff and it’s a bit of a loner. Alyssa is a very sweet person, who likes "... football, cars, Nerf guns and everything else perfectly American and male.". Therefore, Alice is surprised when Alyssa asks her to borrow her lipstick so she can help with her makeup. However, she allows Alyssa to practice makeup on her without thinking much about it.

Over time, Alyssa continues to express her interest in makeup, even going with Alice to the mall, by her own will, to buy some more. This is yet another subtle scene of character development that becomes more important when we consider what Alice doesn't know yet about her best friend. Look how carefully this scene is written:

“Though Alice expected Alfred to look tired by the time they reached the cashier -- as her mother once said all men at the mall eventually did --, Alfred still smiled widely at her when she gave him a glance. Oddly enough, he seemed happier now than when Alice had suggested they go to the arcade or the carousel, though Alice was sure that was just her imagination.”

After shopping at the mall, Alice realizes that Alyssa wants to keep some of the makeup they bought and ends up giving her a lipstick - yes, the fact that the story is named “Lipstick” shows how important this scene is. Yet, Alice doesn’t think much about the fact that Alyssa wants some makeup, just assuming that Alyssa wants to be a good friend and improve at helping her with her makeup.

For now, Alice's true drama lies in her discovery that she is a lesbian, something she realizes thanks to her lack of interest in the guys she dated, a few magazines with provocative images of women that she happens to see and also thanks to the good old internet. There is one particular line in this scene that really cracks me up:

“She typed into the search engine: Is it gay to look at boobs”

I don’t want to spoil the whole thing so I won’t go into detail about what happens in the plot after this discovery. In general, the two characters deal with dilemmas regarding their self-discovery and, amidst all that, they also have to confront their feelings for each other.

From the beginning, it’s pretty obvious that they like each other, but Alice still doesn’t know that Alyssa is a girl and Alyssa doesn’t know that Alice is a lesbian, which leaves a veiled tension between them. Besides, there is the factor that they are best friends, which makes things even more complicated from a romantic point of view.

When it comes to story writing, I would say that its main strong point would be what you can read between the lines. It’s amazing how the subtext of the gender identity and sexual orientation issues of the main characters adds tension and meaning to scenes that would be completely casual to cishet characters. Most scenes involving Alyssa are like this, but there's one in particular that really struck me.

"Don't worry about it. Your friend and I are just having a man-to-man chat here."

"Ha ha," Alfred laughed awkwardly.”

Ouch, this one hurt. It’s very impressive how simply by choosing two key-words to add to this little piece of dialogue ("man-to-man", "awkwardly"), the author subtly shows us Alyssa's veiled suffering with the fact that she is constantly misgendered in everyday interactions. This scene really made me think a lot about what trans people have to deal with it before they come out.

This subtlety in the writing style is also well used in the construction of the story’s romance. Throughout the narrative, we can see that Alyssa and Alice know each other very well, have small traditions together, are comfortable together and are physically attracted to each other. Alice is also jealous about the idea of Alyssa dating someone else. With all this, even before the characters realize it themselves, the readers can already see what a great couple they would be.

Another point I would like to highlight is the dialogues. Generally in this story, what is described during a dialogue is always very meaningful. Each reaction of the characters suggests a lot about their feelings and this is very important given that all we know from Alice's perspective is the visual cues. I will show some examples here:

1. “Thank you,” he murmured, uncharacteristically soft.

2. “How do I look?” Alice blushed and glanced to the side at the feeling of Alfred’s gaze burning into her face.

“Uh...uhm. Really good,” Alfred blurted. “Are you buying any of it?”

3. “You’re so hot,” Alice breathed. Alfred shot her a look.

The dialogues are really effective in making us understand the tone of the scene and make us see the reaction of the characters.

In short, this is a truly moving fic, with great characters that go great together as a couple. It shows the adolescence as the complicated but also exciting period of self-discovery that it is. There is a drama in the middle of all this, but the ending is happy, don't worry.

I strongly recommend that you check this one-shot and leave a review on it. It truly doesn’t have as many reviews as it deserves.

---

Some of my favorite lines (apart from the ones I've already mentioned):

1. Something about his quiet confidence in driving his car made Alice wonder -- with a knot in her gut -- whether or not he had that same sort of confidence when seeking out one of the many admirers he surely had.

2. Whether her reticence was really for Alfred’s sake or her own, Alice didn’t know.

3. “I sincerely doubt that my parents would ever let me sleep over with you without at least ten other friends participating, fourth grade or not.”

4. The awkwardness of the sort-of-argument between herself and Alfred quickly faded away when she returned to her room and saw that Alfred had forgotten his laptop on her nightstand. She remembered the cute cat videos they'd watched together and their escapade onto the roof -- and suddenly she found herself imagining Alfred wrapping his arm around her waist, and drawing her close, and looking deep into her soul with his eyes, and then leaning in for a kiss--

Oh. Alice sucked in a breath. She let herself fall back onto her mattress. That's new. Maybe I should think about that.

---

Extra points:

1. Lesbian and trans representation.

2. Alice learns about the LGBT+ community mostly by researching the internet. Relatable af.

3. Alice and Alyssa are one of the couples with the healthiest and most natural relationship that I ever had the pleasure to see in a story. I can’t emphasize enough how much they feel like a couple before even becoming one.

#USUKUS #USUK #UKUS #Axis Power Hetalia

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waftyjourney · 4 years

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Which bring remarkable inspirations through 2019

Almost 7 days more. So, I want to summarize my fav books in this year, which have inspire and calm me inside. Honestly, I don’t know either people would give a visit here or not, but well, I hope this will be inspire others too.

To begin with, these all my fav books throughout the year among my 2019 collections. Surprisingly, these books come from self love genre. Perhaps it because this year I keep seeking for a book to manage my life from suffer, to avoid myself from any negativity. Here we go:

#dear tomorrow by Maudy Ayunda (9/10)

I found this book when I was in my first jobseeker journey: jobless, nothing to do, and being in such a life dilemma. The book was on a bookstore’s selves, and not attractive at all. However, I read the synopsis, and my eyes was caught. Eventually, I bought the book and finish the reading at the same night. And you know what? this book so lovely and I fall through it. Maudy’s view was so exceptional, especially in women’s education. Through her words, she inspired me to be bold, to warn that not being insecure through myself, and kinda gave my new perspectives in this world. Besides, I think that I have the same way of thinking as her, because I keep said “Whoa I feel this! I feel it!”. And because of her, I just realized that I really love learning. Learning is something that could not be left out behind of my life. Thanks Maudy! :)

“People like to say; don’t look back, close the book, and start over. I don’t think that’s healthy. Past mistakes are there to remind us where we’ve been, they become constant reminders that we should always strive to improve ourselves, and they pave the way for better actions in the future“

Am I There Yet? by Mari Andrew (7/10)

I bought this book when I’m so much in my confusion to continue my career in the previous company or not. To chase my dream or just sit back waiting the time passed. Overall, this book tell more about what should you do when you’re still in 20s. Andrew describes her life journey to do everything she want: get out from her f*cking job, travel the world, or even dating any men from various cultures. Well, she took her 20s worrying about, but didn’t make any fuss with it. I think this book is good to embrace our unforgotten experiences during 20s, but it’s a bit too freely. I mean, well, we have different background right? And she was as typical western people xoxo.

Amor Fati by Rando Kim (10/10)

This book is soo extremely good, guaranteed! I was meeting this book when I just resigned from my first job. Whoa, it’s really a miracle. Anyway, through his book, Kim seems to guide a reader who just graduated from college. A person who is seeking her/his place in society, just like me. From a jobseeker life to the real adult life: building a family.

Kim polished his words to be tenderly absorbed into my heart. He taught me to see the life from every side, not only by myself. In addition, he understood that many students struggle to life after college, and it’s hard indeed. Therefore, he made ‘Amor Fati’ as his book title, which means: Love your fate, regardless all stuff that screwed you up in this life. Let’s say, he is a life guru for me. He made me more prepare to enter an adult life, even opened my mind to the meaning of marriage. Also, I couldn’t agree more about his ideas about a housewife, as how they encounter their life just for a family. Meanwhile losing their identities and own interests before married.

One thing that I always remember on this book: ‘To do a qualified jump, we must be indulgent if the situation didn’t show anything yet. The actual best opportunity is when the opportunity itself is yet to come. Therefore, be prepared, such as Monjuk, the boiling water, and the sun.’ Or his thought which intrigued my view on marriage: ‘Living as being single is a freedom, but also put us in loneliness. the loneliness of not getting married is not like the elegant silence that is felt suddenly when the autumn air caresses the collar of a coat. On the contrary, the loneliness stabs deep into the bones because we are completely alone in this vast and harsh world. This loneliness is absolute and is accompanied by fear that no one visits on holiday and dies alone in bed’ -- Well these words eventually hit me up- that: I should marry someday lol.

And one last my favorite words:

‘We have to find people who can understand our complexities. Life in the household will be more fun when we can maintain the psychological ‘maginot lines’ of each and share the value of life‘

Outer Order, Inner Calm by Gretchen Rubin

#bookreview #favbooks #2019reading

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completeoveranalysis · 5 years

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TRC Translation Notes Volume 11 (Chapters 74 - 82)

Here we are with the first installment of the new Translation Notes from @giniroangou, picking up exactly where she last paused at Chapter 74.

Highlights include: a return to Piffle, the restoration of Fai’s parenting skills, high school detectives becoming more competent, Nick appreciating Tomoyo in the distance, and general spousal vibes.

Chapter 74

p.2 - The chapter title that has been translated as “Your Power” I feel would be better rendered as “Your Strength.” The word “power” has some connotations in English that I don’t think are intended here.

p.7 - I don’t think this quite came through in the translation, but the banner here is worded like a general advertisement, so something in the vein of: “Leave it to us! Piffle Guard, for all your security needs.”

p.9 - The text by Kurogane that says “Angry guy” was originally just “Tsukkomi,” which I’ve covered before but can certainly be difficult to translate. It’s basically just indicating that his, “What the hell?!” is meant to be a comeback to hearing yet another ridiculous ship name.

Sakura’s “I can do better than this!” would be more accurately translated as, “I have to do my best too!” which I think gives a stronger sense of her drawing encouragement from the rest of her family and just has a more positive ring to it in general.

p.24 - The translation has Fai saying, “How could we ever doubt you, Sakura-chan,” which kind of gives the impression that they were doubting her at some point, but in the Japanese line he uses the word “sasuga,” meaning, “As expected of Sakura-chan.”

Chapter 75

p.33 - Kurogane’s line to Fai, “I told you not to slip alcohol to the kid and the princess,” was originally just, “I told you not to let the kid and the princess drink alcohol.” The Japanese version makes it sound less like Kurogane is accusing Fai of being a deliberately irresponsible parent.

p.35 - Kurogane’s “You little brat” is less harsh in the original text - he just says “kozou” (kid), as usual.

Fai’s “Daddy” nickname that has evoked so much hilarity and horror is “Otou-san” in Japanese. Not only is this more formal than the translation would indicate, it also doesn’t have the same kinky connotations as in English. That being said, there is a subtext here that I don’t necessarily think Fai intended but would definitely come across to Japanese readers. It’s quite common for married women with children to refer to their husbands regularly as “Otou-san,” so while Fai is probably just trying to needle Kurogane about his fatherly attitude towards the kids, he’s inadvertently giving off major spousal vibes at the same time.

p.36 - There are a couple little mistranslations in this conversation that make it sound more awkward in the English version. Kurogane doesn’t say that Sakura’s faster drunk than she is sober (as beautiful as that concept is) - he says that she got drunk faster than the last time (in Outo), which leads more naturally into Fai’s next lines where he theorizes that her happiness over her victory speeded up the process, and finishes by saying, “She really gave her best, after all.”

p.41 - In the translation Tomoyo says that the race was already being investigated for gambling issues. In the original, she says that the race was already the target of gambling, but she’d let it slide until now because it had caused very little damage.

p.43 - Kurogane doesn’t actually treat the “Daddy” nickname as a joke here - he just tells Fai to drop the subject. I wouldn’t have thought of it if it weren’t for the difference in translation, but I kind of love that he’s not actually denying that he’s the Team Dad. He just doesn’t want to hear about it.

Chapter 76

P.51 - The translation says that Shougo is a regular winner of the Dragonfly Race, but the original line just says that he’s a regular top-placer. We learn later that he won the previous year, but he didn’t necessarily place first on any other occasions. Who knows though.

Chapter 77

p.68 - Nokoru is not the Imonoyama Company owner’s eldest son, he’s the owner’s youngest brother.

p.69 - Shougo describes himself here as a “Guardian,” which quite rightfully raised a lot of questions. In the original text, the reading of the word he says is indeed given as “guardian” (ガーディアン), but the kanji below it reads “jikeidan” (自警団), meaning “vigilante corps.” Shougo declaring himself the member of the country’s vigilante corps makes a whole lot more sense given his earlier behavior.

When Shougo complains about Nokoru’s behavior, he’s not just referencing his treatment of Sakura - he says that every time they meet a female finalist Nokoru declares her innocent.

p.73 - A minor change that helps make sense of the flow of the scene here and everyone’s reactions: When Nokoru tells Sakura, “But of course you’re innocent,” his line would be better translated as, “I knew you were innocent,” or, “I see you were innocent after all,” so it indicates some kind of realization rather than just sounding like he’s repeating himself from earlier.

p.75 - This whole conversation is a little off in the translation, so to summarize from the original text: Sakura and Syaoran both registered as surprised but not panicked, indicating that they aren’t the culprits. Nokoru says that he has confidence in his device, though he can’t claim that it’s perfect - it’s still hard to discover lies told by people who have convinced themselves of their own fabrications OR by those who are truly wicked.

p.78 - You were critical of the choice to refer to the potential culprit as “he,” and I can assure you that this was purely a translation choice. It’s always good to keep in mind that Japanese is light on pronouns, so it’s very rare for anyone to specify gender in that fashion. I personally think it’s best to assume that all gendered pronouns in translations are merely inferred.

p.79 - Fai’s line about Syaoran’s face being tight is intended as an observation rather than a question, and of course is a direct reference back to their conversation in chapter 71. I don’t think I mentioned it last time and it may be clear enough from the drawings, but Fai appears to be referring not to Syaoran’s entire face but specifically his forehead scrunching up.

Chapter 78

p.89 - Sakura’s lines here are translated in a way that creates some unnecessary distance, IMO. In the translation she says, “If it was just one person alone, I’m sure it would have been awful, but… we’re all travelling together.” Her original lines are closer to, “If I were alone I’m sure it would have been difficult, but… we’re together.”

p.90 - When Sakura says, “I haven’t been much help to anyone yet,” your response was, “There better be a ‘but’ following this statement,” and I am happy to report that there is! Her Japanese line ends with “desukedo,” which is a common way to trail off at the end of a sentence and doesn’t necessarily serve as a rebuttal to her first thought, but it does allow room for disagreement.

p.92 - Inexplicably, the translation has Mokona saying that she thinks Yuuko is “really really” mad - there are no “really”s in the original.

p.93 - A clarifying point: Mokona tells Syaoran that certain countries have traditional White Day gifts rather than certain worlds. I don’t know anything about White Day traditions outside of Japan, but I do know that it’s celebrated in multiple Asian countries, so I assume this makes sense.

Chapter 79

p.111 - I don’t know if this is at all clear in the translated version, but the lines reading, “Isn’t that great,” are coming from Fai and Syaoran. They’re both saying, “That’s amazing,” Syaoran in a polite way and Fai in a casual way. I haven’t been pointing it out regularly, but it’s actually a fairly common occurrence for two or three of these characters to say the same line in slightly different ways, and it’s always a fun depiction of their different personalities and modes of expression.

p.112 - I can tell the translator tried to convey this through the word choice, but as a clarifying point, Tomoyo consistently speaks in a fashion that is both very feminine and very formal. In light of this, there’s a lot of humor in the scene where she asks Sakura to use casual language with her and claims that she’s already using her most comfortable speech style.

The translation has Fai comment on Sakura and Tomoyo’s “gentle eyes,” but his original line is that they’re “easy on the eyes.” In Japanese this saying is bit more literal - it doesn’t imply a level of attraction the way it does in English. He just means that they’re pleasant/soothing to watch.

Chapter 80

p.133-134 - The translation takes a more generous and group-oriented approach to Syaoran’s lines here, but I would interpret them on an individual level; “I have to get Sakura’s feather back, and to do that, I need to win.” The lack of pronouns in the original text means this is all up to personal interpretation, but that final panel of Syaoran zooming ahead of Sakura while she’s struggling feels like a depiction of his occasional single-minded focus on her feathers - to me it implies that he’s willing to do anything to reach that goal, even if it means abandoning her. Of course, I’m not saying he should have stayed behind to help her in this situation, but there is a bit of potential darkness to that scene that doesn’t quite come through in the translated version.

p.136 - Fun fact: the part of the course that includes buildings and billboards is referred to as the “public skyway” (一般空路.) I presume this means Piffle has regular air traffic outside of its racing events.

Chapter 81

P.157 - This becomes clear in the next chapter, but the line that’s been translated as, “There are only four badges left,” was actually, “There are still four contestants left,” indicating that the two flying behind Sakura are the last of the group and giving a clearer picture of her position in the overall race.

Chapter 82

No comments on this one - we’re ending on a high note!

#Look at these wonderful wonderful notes #Look at these beautiful piffle memories #try not to think of where we are now #think only of piffle #Giniroangou #who is the actual best #liveblogging the reservoir chronicle #I can't believe daddy has been defeated and Spousal Vibes has taken over #I'm so happy #vol 74 #vol 75 #vol 76 #vol 77 #vol 78 #vol 79 #vol 80 #vol 81 #vol 82

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poseidonwife · 5 years

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Ok so, I wrote something about groupies and GVF a few days ago but I don’t know why it never showed on the ‘search’ page and the tags didn’t work that time so yeah. It seems that they work now so I’m putting it under here ‘cause posts with links still have problems with tumblr tags. It would be great if you give it a read [and feel free to reblog it if you think the same way as I do]. Btw you can find the original post on my blog on #greta van fleet tag. The original post has source links and pictures and other links about groupies 💛 Of course my asks is open for opinion on the topic. Thank you 🌻

-GROUPIES and GRETA VAN FLEET and PEOPLE WHO JUST DON’T RESPECT MUSIC- [my own opinion]

So, these days I’ve been reading a lot of things about Greta Van Fleet and what the fans are doing at their concerts. Apparently some girls flashed the boys and some of them threw their bras on stage. I’d like to point out that I think there’s nothing wrong with this, things like that have always happened at concerts and it’s certainly not a matter of different “eras” or “times”. But some other fans expressed their dissent over those behaviors stating that such ways of doing do nothing but change the attitude of the members of the band towards their audience, distancing them more and more from the fans. Some of them claimed not to endure this kind of behavior and they immediately labeled those girls as “groupies” underlining that those girls are just seeking for attention, at the expense of those fans who really love the band and support it.

Faced with this kind of statements I felt involved because I’ve always defined myself as a “groupie” and I’ve always been proud of it. I struggled and I’m still struggling to make people understand the REAL meaning of the word “groupie” making clear that it’s just a cliché that groupies are nothing more than “girls seeking for fame” or even worse “backstage whores”.

I read someone saying that groupies “are usually known as women who follow bands they want to sleep with and that’s exactly what groupies were known for back in the days”. This thing really made me super mad. So now I’d like to explain some concepts and reflections on this.

I want to start saying that it is true, the component of sex and physical attraction was a very strong thing “back in the days” especially in the 60s and 70s (remember that at the time there were the so-called “sexual revolution” and the “free love”, very important elements in what is known to all as counterculture of the 1960s). Many girls enjoyed going to bed with the band members and there’s nothing wrong with that, there’s nothing wrong with free sex, even if it’s a woman who practices it. In support of this I’d like to ask somthing to you: which of you isn’t somehow physically or emotionally attracted by one/or more of the Greta Van Fleet boys? Which of you wouldn’t be happy to date one of them and maybe become their girlfriend? Probably none;

another thing is about fame. Just like it happens nowadays some people just wanted to take advantage of the fame of famous people in order to shine with reflected light and become important. Therefore some girls did nothing but date the band to get in some pictures or some scoops of magazines. But THOSE WERE NOT GROUPIES.

Summarizing these points, it is a common opinion that groupies are nothing more than women seeking for fame and party time with musicians. Even Wikipedia says “The term is almost universally used to describe young women who follow these individuals [musicians] in hopes of establishing a sexual relationship with them or offering themselves for sex”. THIS IS THE POPULAR OPINION, A COMMON PLACE and nothing else. Just a cliché.

Now I’d like to discuss what it really means to be a groupie and what I do and believe as a groupie.

being a groupie goes beyond sex, goes beyond fame and goes beyond the thirst of attention. Being a groupie means, and I quote, “to truly love some silly little piece of music, or some band, so much that it hurts”. Groupies are there for the MUSIC, they’re there for LOVE and GRATITUDE towards music and those who create it and groupies don’t care about becoming famous or going backstage and get noticed. As a groupie I go to concerts and I show respect to the band and musician’s work and support them every day and I love them for the emotions they make me feel. That’s it. Of course, it would be amazing to be the girlfriend of one of them and to go on tour with them and live a life like that but THAT’S NOT THE PURPOSE OF A GROUPIE. The purpose of a groupie is to SUPPORT the band, IDOLATE the band, and NOT to go to bed with them;

being a groupie means RESPECTING the band and its members and their choices. This is a very important point especially for all the stuffs going on here on Tumblr over Greta Van Fleet. There are bands that love crazy and promiscuous fans willing to go backstage and "having fun” but NOT GRETA VAN FLEET. The Greta Van Fleet boys have specifically stated that they don’t want to get into that kind of things. Josh said to Rolling Stone: “All of those wild, absurd things that you would like to romanticize about are very honest truth. The amount of excess always around. The amount of women that always want to hang out. It really is all there. It’s tempting, and crazy stuff. But we don’t seem to have too much interest”. And he is not only talking about sex but also about everything else: wild parties, drugs, alcohol… everything. That said, a true fan and consequently a real groupie RESPECTS the decisions of the band and doesn’t try to behave exactly the opposite of what the band wants. Do you understand what I’m trying to explain here? RESPECT is the first important thing. This is what a groupie does: SHE RESPECTS THE BAND.

I summarize these points too: being a groupie means respecting the band in all its decisions, it means to love music and those who create it, it means to support them for what they do and above all it means to go to a concert and enjoy the show because that feeling of being there in the front row is indescribable and it’s the best thing ever. This is what it means to be a groupie.

I want to close this thing saying that as a groupie and proud to call me one I think: those girls who know the intentions of the band [in this specific case Greta Van Fleet] but continue to behave in such a rude way, stripping in front of the band and throwing underwear on stage, THEY’RE NOT GROUPIES but they’re just trying to get visibility from the band without respecting the band itself. They’re not “bad girls” but if they really love and respect Greta Van Fleet and if they really are fans then they should avoid certain behaviors, trying to respect the artists and their work.

Now I ask you, please stop to juxtapose groupies to girls who are just seeking for attention but please know that you too can be a groupie. If you respect the band, if you love musician’s work, if you want to support them in every choice and if you are polite when you approach them, both at concerts and when you ask for an autograph or a photo, then you are also groupies and there’s nothing wrong with feeling that way. Being a groupie is beautiful, it means to love music with all your being and with all your soul.

🌻 Thank you 🌻

[Of course the discussion is open for those who want to express their opinion and same will be my asks. Feel free to say what you think about the subject]

#greta van fleet #josh kiszka #jake kiszka #sam kiszka #danny wagner #groupie #groupies #gretavanfleet #joshkiszka #jakekiszka #samkiszka #dannywagner #relevant with all the groupie discussion going on #me #mine #words #opinion #gvf

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starberry-cupcake · 5 years

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Overall thoughts on Les Mis BBC

I decided, after all those summaries I made, to write what I hope can be a more coherent opinion on what I thought of the adaptation as a whole. I wanted to make sure to state that my critical reactions weren’t for entertainment purposes only or exaggerated for the fun of it but based on real concerns I’ll expand in this post. This is like the “serious companion”, if you will.

I don’t know if anyone cares about it at this point, but I feel that even though my summaries helped me go through the immediate frustrations in a (mostly) lighthearted way, it’s the distance from having watched it all what gave me a little bit more clarity to order my thoughts.

I’ve established my opinion isn’t worth a damn, I’m not smart or knowledgeable enough for this fandom and, needless to say, these are all my personal opinions, take them with a grain of salt or a bathtub of it. I’m a worthless nobody and my words have no value, but the internet is still (sort of) free, so here I go.

Introduction: the initial news, Andrew Davies & the PR mess

BBC announced the adaptations of 2 media phenomenons which started as books that I love so much I’m considering tattoos of both. And, for both of them, my main concerns were on the person adapting the script.

On the one hand, there’s His Dark Materials, a book series that made me the person I am today, pretty much. One of the directors is none other than Tom Hooper (what are the odds) and the script adaptation was in the hands of Jack Thorne. Cursed Child Jack Thorne. Yeah, not thrilled about that.

Surprisingly enough, His Dark Materials was given a projection of 3 possible seasons, rather than just one, the 3rd hasn’t been yet confirmed but the fact that the script was made thinking on one season per major book on the series, and that each season has 8 episodes planned, at least gives me a bit of hope, even if the person adapting it isn’t in my favorites list.

Les Mis, on the other hand, went to the hands of Andrew Davies, another person I don’t trust.

I’m one of those folk who was never too fond of the ‘95 version of Pride and Prejudice, mainly because of how Darcy was made into a sort of sex symbol, where his flaws were seen as “attractive marks of broody character” rather than vulnerability and with gratuitous sexualizing fanservice. I know a lot of people love it for that and that’s cool, you do you, but it’s not for me.

Then, when he adapted War and Peace, he talked about adding more sex to it and had the Kuragin siblings shown explicitly sleeping together from the get-go in episode 1 and that’s when I stopped watching (there were other things I didn’t like but that one was my limit).

To make matters worse, it made me weary that Les Mis was getting an overall amount of only 6 episodes whereas HDM was getting a potential 24-ish. That was an odd choice.

So, as you can guess, I knew coming in that Davies writing the script, a script with a limited time-frame for the story, was a huge risk.

But, on the other hand, as the cast was announced, I got excited. Especially for people like Archie Madekwe, Turlough Convery, Erin Kellyman and some famous actors like David Oyelowo. Their filming logs on social media, how nice they all were and how much fun they had filming made me happy. I felt that maybe these great folks could turn around whatever the scrip had to disappoint me.

But then came all the PR stuff.

The more I read Davies & co. talking about the show, the less hope I had for it. Talking very badly about the musical and the 2012 movie, calling female characters “not complicated”, insulting Cosette, saying that Javert’s lack of explicit heterosexual sex in the brick was reason enough to push a homosexual narrative centered on an unhealthy behavior, patting themselves on the back for having a diverse cast as if no other adaptation of Les Mis had ever done it before...even their talks about Fantine’s make up made me weary. And, let’s not forget their ridiculous insistence on not having songs.

By the time the show premiered, my hopes had dwindled. The excitement I had upon knowing there would be another Les Mis adaptation so soon, a BBC one at that, and with a cast I had hopes for, was blurred by all the nonsense of PR and I was more afraid than hopeful.

In the end, after having watched it completely, and as you can see for my summaries, I was heavily disappointed. I’ll try to list some of my biggest concerns, in no particular order.

I can’t be super extensive about it, because there are a lot of points to go over, but there are a lot of amazing opinion pieces out there about specific issues, so you don’t need me for that.

Anyway, let’s delve into some of my biggest problems with BBC Les Mis.

Problem #1: The portrayal of femininity

Solely by the fact that Davies stated that women on Les Mis “are not terribly complicated” you know that things are not going to go all too well on that front.

I’m going to pick 3 characters to showcase how badly women were portrayed in this: Fantine, Cosette and Éponine. I’ll leave other characters for another section.

1. Fantine

I’ve talked about Fantine before, upon receiving some questions on my summaries, but I’ll try to explain it all in a more understandable way.

The lens in which Fantine was seen was sexist from the get-go. The way in which the story was framed made the audience complicit in the choices she was making, choices that were negatively regarded by the narrative perspective alone. Her “fall to disgrace” was framed as her own decisions being incorrect, silly mistakes that were easily avoidable, and never regarded as the result of living in a society that was unable to contain her and see her as a valid human being. But we’ll get to that when we talk about the politics (or lack thereof) on this show.

Like I said in my response before, the way in which Fantine is portrayed, even in the musical itself, varies greatly performance to performance. Patti LuPone performing I Dreamed a Dream after Fantine gets dismissed isn’t like Anne Hathaway performing it after she has become a prostitute and neither carry the same implications as Allison Blackwell in the Liesl Tommy’s Dallas modern production, influenced by her experience in apartheid South Africa.

Still, the key element to developing Fantine’s portrayal, when it comes to sexism and the showcasing of her environment, has two layers: the actual oppression showcased in the source material and the contemporary interpretation or lens in which an adaptation will view it.

In this version, Fantine’s character was toned down in her attitude. She was less reactive than in the brick, a lot more passive, a lot more of a tragic figure, which paired up with the fact that this adaptation covered her entire “fall to ruin”, from meeting Tholomyès onward, made her a victim of everything that happened to her.

A victim of her own bad decisions, though, not of a social context that was failing her.

But the worst part is in how the focus of the show is placed. You can have Fantine being a summarized version of herself, with less spunk, and still showcase through her that the circumstances she was in were permeated by an escalating force of social disadvantage and oppression.

This adaptation made, like I said, the audience complicit in Fantine’s decisions as if she was a princess in a movie, unaware of the threats she was getting herself into by her own naive foolishness.

Tholomyès is blatantly shady, clearly dishonest, not at all charming or in any way trustworthy and Fantine gets a “voice of reason” on a friend who tells her various times that he will eventually leave. There are a lot of red flags, blatant for the audience, that Fantine chooses to dismiss. The show focuses less on why Fantine trusted Tholomyès and more on her making a clear bad choice we all knew was doomed from the start.

This becomes a problem once again when she chooses to leave Cosette with the Thénardiers. They are very clearly shady, very blatantly aggressive and ready to take advantage of her, visibly manhandling Cosette in front of her and asking for more money on the spot, and Fantine again naively ignores all of this.

They do it again when she enters employment in Montreuil. She talks to Valjean himself in this version, and is asked repeatedly and with kindness if she has a family. The scene makes it seem as if she could have easily told the truth, especially because we were previously given a scene in which Fantine hears a speech talking about how Valjean is the Best Person Ever and could potentially help her. Still, she chooses to repeatedly lie and the show makes it seem less for necessity and more for a sense of pride of some sort.

(Also, as a foreshadowing of creepy Valjean to come, there are some insinuations from her co-workers that she could seduce Valjean, which is confusingly placed and awkwardly added where it is.)

Then, after she’s dismissed, there’s a man in a post office who asks her, after receiving letters from the Thénardiers (to which she reacts a lot more passively than in the brick), why she doesn’t bring Cosette to live with her, in a condescending tone, as if he was stating the obvious. Fantine responds again as if she was doing it out of pride. The same man is the one to suggest her to start selling her body and then tell her she should have done it before selling her hair and teeth because “nobody would pay for her after that”.

Every turn we’re met with ways in which Fantine’s decisions are seen as foolish in the eyes of the viewer. It’s like Blue’s Clues or Dora the Explorer when they ask stuff to the audience for the kids to say they shouldn’t do something. It’s patronizing as fuck, is what it is. And, yes, sexist.

These narrative choices are sexist because they erase most of the social and political situation which made Fantine vulnerable in the first place, to push the tragic drama as if she was a victim of being “too naive”. It’s sexist because it makes the audience know from the get go that what Fantine is doing is a “bad choice”, easily avoidable mistakes that whoever writes is smart enough to sense are bad but poor naive Fantine can’t understand.

It isn’t just that she’s called a whore a lot of times, that she’s smashed against walls and the ground hard enough that Lily Collins was actually hurt, that she’s shown explicitly being used by a patron on the street. It’s that all of it is done with the added layer of her having “chosen wrong”. That everything is framed as the consequences of actions that the narrative voice, as well as the audience, are smart enough to know are wrong, but poor little Fantine can’t handle.

Like many things in this adaptation we’ll see later, Fantine’s journey is framed more like the tragic end of a woman who didn’t know how to choose right and was punished for said choices rather than the result of an unfair society which didn’t allow women any freedom to choose and didn’t see them as worthy human beings.

2. Cosette

When Andrew Davies called Cosette a “pretty nauseating character” in need of change, I knew I was up against one of those people.

Cosette is probably one of the most underestimated female characters in literature, and adaptations tend to do her dirty very often. I’m not even fond of her interpretation in the musical all that much, which goes in tow with the interpretation of Éponine. I’ve seen my fair share of men on youtube claiming Gavroche should be the face of Les Mis rather than Cosette, I’ve received my fair amount of messages claiming she’s The Worst, I’ve seen it all.

This adaptation does with Cosette something that, out of context, I would have thought impossible. They manage to somehow attempt to make her more “active” (they would call it “strong” but I have problems with that denomination) while making her even more of a helpless victim. It’s a pretty impressive oxymoron.

Let’s begin with little Cosette.

This adaptation does something very weird in that it only showcases Cosette’s storyline as a child when it serves other characters, but then intends to build upon the abuse by mentioning it or making it clear that adult Cosette remembers it well.

So we see Cosette when she’s important to Fantine’s storyline, the Thénardiers’s storyline or Valjean’s storyline, but not much about her on her own, aside from one time she’s looking at dolls and another time when she’s being beaten up by Madame Thénardier, which could be also a moment for the Thénardiers and not solely for Cosette’s narrative.

What I mean with this is that the view on her is reduced to a side character rather than a main one and, with that, her perspective on her own abuse isn’t taken into account. You don’t know how Cosette feels about things, you don’t see her perspective on it, you only see what others do to her but never get to see her side of it. For all the musical erases of her narrative, at least they give her Castle on a Cloud.

It’s with little Cosette where we start to see this weird sense of sexually charged perception towards her relationship with Valjean.

For some inexplicable and highly alarming reason, it’s implied by various witnesses in different occasions that Valjean’s intentions with Cosette may be inappropriate, and I would have let it slide as just people thinking The Worst out of living in a social context in which The Worst is most often the truth, hadn’t that perception carried throughout the series and mixed with Valjean’s erratic and possessive characterization.

When Cosette grows up, she gains a bit more focus, but she also starts to be charged a lot more sexually.

Both Cosette and Éponine are sexualized and objectivized in this adaptation. This will be addressed later, but most often than not this sexualization acts as an accessory to a narrative about masculinity.

Cosette’s virtue, beauty and body are talked about and even exposed in various moments. They tell her she can’t be a nun because that would be “a waste of her beauty”. In that dreadful scene in the dress shop I talked about in summary 4, the shop assistant again implies that Cosette is Valjean’s lover and lets him see her in undergarments through the curtain, with clear intentions. Valjean’s erratic persona is intent on separating her from Marius, explicitly telling her he’s worried that she will be taken advantage of by men, bringing up Fantine’s history to her with that in mind, while putting her in danger and in the company of the Thénardiers again, in more than one occasion.

Adult Cosette has visible signs of the trauma she suffered, which is an interesting direction to go. I haven’t seen an adaptation taking such a big route on her remembering her past abuse, and is a change that worked in performance, Ellie did some great visible responses like covering herself when Valjean wakes her up or going fight or flight every time she sees Thénardier. She is visibly upset when Marius gives him money and looks both angry yet still hesitant when she sees the man for the last time.

But all that kind of loses its importance when the men around her not only don’t give a shit but also do their worst.

Valjean manhandles her, harms her even, pushes her to the limits of her emotional state by taking her to see the prisoners intentionally after she mentioned prison, acting more possessive than caring and more erratically violent than conflicted and concerned.

Marius has a somewhat wet dream about her and then again dreams with her in confusing ways when he’s out of the barricade, with his grandfather talking about her as if she’s a piece of meat even after he meets her and she’s right in front of him.

They tried to make Cosette more aggressive, I think, more reactive, which in some moments worked. But when the lens in which she’s viewed is objectivizing, when she’s being commented on, offered and treated as an object, then it isn’t enough. It makes it worse, actually.

I’m sorry for Ellie, though, she did good.

3. Éponine

Much like Cosette, Éponine’s childhood was all but a few cameos. It’s very often that adaptations try to “tone down” Éponine in order to pull a narrative of her as an underdog in a love triangle, the “friendzoned” girl who tragically dies. The musical does that, for example.

Some of Éponine’s most controversial actions in the brick tend to be most often deleted or changed, except for adaptations in which she’s an “enemy” to Cosette’s narrative of a classic heroine.

It isn’t easy to find adaptations that are able to make Éponine showcase the complexity of her canon character not as a problem but as what makes her character so good and important in the overall story. Hey, even fandom sometimes tends to romanticize Éponine as if she had to be “redeemed” in order to be seen as a worthy character (but that happens a lot with female characters in general).

Éponine doesn’t exist for Marius’s narrative, as the other girl in a love triangle, or for Cosette’s narrative, as an enemy, she’s her own character with her own reason for existing and complex human dynamics that are extremely permeated by the social circumstances she’s immersed in and represents.

I’d say this adaptation is on the group that uses her for Marius’s storyline.

Added to that, it’s one of the worst I’ve seen on that case, because in this one, Marius is complicit of Éponine’s intentions, which are sexualized to a degree I don’t feel comfortable with.

We’ll talk a bit more about the Marius side of things later, but for Éponine, it meant she was reduced to a character that exists to sexually awaken Marius rather than a tragic figure on her own or even a piece of a love triangle. So, basically, this is the worst I’ve seen in a while.

This is clearly seen in that interview when Davies explained why he added that “wet dream” scene, saying:

“One of the best things Hugo does is to have Eponine tease Marius with her sexiness because he is a bit of a prig. So I have introduced a scene where Marius, even though he is in love with Cosette, has a wet dream about Eponine and feels rather guilty about it. I think it fits into the psychology of the book.” Source

Let’s leave out the part where he considers that to be “one of the best things Hugo does” because I cannot deal with that right now. Let’s focus on the other bit.

Like this quote suggests and I said before, Éponine was rather reduced to a tool for Marius’s sexual awakening. In this version, it isn’t only the “wet dream” which precedes more crucial interactions between Marius and Éponine, there’s also a scene where she strips for him through the hole in the wall and another where Courfeyrac is commenting on her and Azelma as Marius moves into the building for the first time.

By the time Marius gives her his money and any sort of bond can occur, it’s evidently clear in this version that Éponine has been teasing Marius and he is fully aware of it. He looks at her through the peep hole licking his lips and then has that disturbing dream where she’s kind of forcing him onto her in a very questionable way.

So, this Marius is by no means unaware of the fact that Éponine was attracted to him in some capacity and has played along her seduction, which makes his dismissal of her and his request for her to find Cosette a lot like he is using her for his own gain and replacing her for another girl.

Éponine’s attitude, much like Cosette’s, tries to be more active at times. She’s confrontational to her parents, seems protective of Azelma and is pleased to see her mother stuck in jail.

However, much like with Cosette, any kind of agency is compromised for having her narrative be serving a male character’s development rather than her own. Her involvement in the barricade is also somewhat modified but, by that time, her journey has already been substantially affected.

Much like Ellie, Erin was a very good Éponine when she was allowed to perform at her best and I wish she had been involved in an adaptation that was able to portray Éponine with more justice.

I’ll talk a bit more about women on the show in general in problem #3 but, for now, let’s move on.

Problem #2: The portrayal of masculinity

1. Javert

I am not the best person to write an essay on Javert, there are a lot of people more capable than me for that, and I may be called out for this and mess everything up, but I can’t write overall opinions without mentioning my issues with his characterization, at least summarized.

Javert is a complicated character. He is, as much as everyone else, affected by the circumstances and a man who goes through a huge emotional impact and sees his values questioned and compromised. His and Valjean’s journeys have a lot in common, in different ways and with different outcomes.

Sadly, Javert tends to be seen as a villain in a lot of adaptations. It’s a way to simplify the plot in the way movies tend to do: something is defined by what the other isn’t, if Valjean is the protagonist, then Javert must be his antagonist. I was worried that this version was going to fall into that trap, because of time restraint and Davies’s tendencies of simplifying complex characters.

Javert’s characterization was erratic, much like Valjean’s. His attitude was blurred by fits of rage and moments of confusing violence, followed by charged pauses in strange cadences which tended to fluctuate. I don’t think his attitude was as all-over-the-place as Valjean’s, but it was certainly not as well defined as other Javerts I’ve seen through the years.

This Javert, however, had a choice made for him that separates him from other versions:

Over tea in central London, Davies tells me that he was surprised to discover that, in Hugo’s 1862 novel, neither character [Javert or Valjean] mentions any sort of sexual experience, leaving the 82-year-old screenwriter wondering, at least in the case of Javert, whether it was indicative of a latent homosexuality. Source

There is a lot to unpack there.

First, there’s this idea of masculinity in which the lack of explicit heterosexual intercourse in canon is directly representative of homosexuality. I’m not gonna delve a lot in the brick but there are a good bunch of characters you can easily read as gay. Hell, there’s that whole thing going on with comparing Enjolras and Grantaire to greek couples. And if you want to write Javert as gay, go ahead, there’s a lot of fanfiction out there who is with you on that and I’m here for all interpretations, no problem at all.

But if you’re going to take that route, you need to be careful with your optics.

This Javert is, at the end of the day, in this adaptation, a gay man of color. He is also explicitly obsessed with Valjean in a way that exceeds his sense of justice. He looks at him undress in prison, is all over his personal space while he’s in chains and later interrogates him believing Marius is his lover, clearly attempting Valjean to confess to him if he was. He receives a lot of comments from an officer who touches him and looks at him strangely in the last episode, prompting an immediate rejection from him.

Everything points to Javert’s homosexuality being in the plot only as a further motivator for his need to capture Valjean, which makes for both a problematic portrayal of predatory homosexuality and a subsequent narrative of police abuse, both very problematic aspects to portray through a gay man of color. The way he acts and the way in which people act around him make it seem like his obsession with capturing him is fueled by the fact that Valjean represents his closeted feelings and that is all kinds of messed up.

He is also clearly not as involved in other aspects of the law as he is in capturing Valjean, since Thénardier ends up being a secondary worry to him, even explicitly knowing he has been mistreating and abusing a child, and he also explicitly doesn’t care about his achievements or the ones of his other officers as long as Valjean is on the loose. He lets Thénardier escape prison on his watch and doesn’t take care of it himself, prioritizing Valjean.

It isn’t about what happens in canon or not but in how all of this, in this version, is framed under this idea that Javert is also gay and has an obsession with Valjean that seems predatory in part, rather than fueled by his beliefs. And that is a dangerous optic to write a gay character under. Especially a police officer who is also a man of color.

I’m not the one to talk about that, it’s not my experience to tell and I’m not going to speak over those whose experience this is, but as a content creator, I’d question if my need to diversify is stepping over the lines of problematic aspects that may ill represent the identities I’m trying to integrate. Just saying.

David’s performance hits some very good moments, especially when Javert starts contemplating suicide. That is a very important scene in every adaptation and a very amazing chapter in canon and David does well in performing the turmoil in Javert’s decision. They also add, as a voice in off, the notes he left to improve the service, which is a great touch.

But, much like the other characters I mentioned, his performance is blurred by these writing choices in which Javert has been added this sort of predatory sense in which Valjean in jail symbolizes also keeping his identity hidden away. Davies would probably say his “desires” because that’s the kind of guy he is.

I hope my opinion isn’t overstepping anyone’s voice and I’ll leave the further of this discussion to someone more appropriate, but I felt it was an important matter to include and something we all, as media consumers, must pay attention to.

2. Marius

I had higher hopes for this boy, I really did.

The good thing this adaptation does for Marius is give him a bit more room than others do. They touch more on his relationship with his father and his grandfather, they bring up the Thénardier connection to his dad, they introduce Mabeuf, and they bring him on as a kid in the beginning, which even though questionable in comparison to him having more development as a child than Cosette and Éponine, at least helped to introduce him as another key character of the whole story.

I had hopes that this earlier introduction, albeit unfairly unbalanced with Cosette’s and Éponine’s, would allow for his character to develop more strongly, especially since politics were very present in his conversations with his grandfather and the ideals of his dad. I thought that by introducing politics through Marius that would allow his connection to Les Amis de l’ABC be more profound when the moment for revolution came.

Yeah, no, that didn’t happen.

Les Mis is a book where people are the heart and soul of it. With that in mind, characters aren’t like each other, they aren’t repetitions of the other’s attitude, they are diverse reflections of the complexity of humanity. The portrayal of masculinity in characters like Javert, Valjean, Gavroche or each individual member of Les Amis aren’t the same between each other, and neither are the same as Marius’s.

Marius represents a very wide emotional spectrum. He’s sensitive and vulnerable, passionate and driven, but at the same time can take action into his own hands when he has to and fight, even at the cost of his own life. There are layers in Marius. Like a Rogel cake.

I don’t want to generalize but a problem I have often with older male writers is that they see emotional complexity as weakness, especially when it comes to the portrayal of masculinity. There’s this idea in which something that is undefined or conflicting isn’t “strong” enough and therefore requires forcing.

Remember that quote I brought up for Éponine’s characterization? we’re going back to that. To Davies calling Marius “a prig” in need of being seduced.

Like I said, this version made Marius complicit in Éponine’s advances and aware of her sexually charged intentions, and this was made in an attempt to “upgrade” Marius’s masculinity and make him “less of a prig”. Because in order to be a Man, Marius needs to objectivize women. Apparently.

Like I mentioned, the gesture of Marius giving Éponine the little money he had ended up being a lot less effective by the fact that he had already fantasized about her more than once, and with her knowing that. He is taken to a brothel by Courfeyrac and Grantaire in which women pretty much throw themselves at him while he looks for Cosette. The “wet dream” he has is a very eerie combination of idealization and assault, in which Éponine, taking Cosette’s place, forces him onto her (much like Davies is forcing this onto Marius).

It isn’t about sex or eroticism being introduced to Marius’s storyline, is that they appear forced and almost violently thrust upon him in order to validate him in this idea of masculinity the adaptation seems to have, which seems to be very narrow.

And, with that in mind, we’ll move on to the last bit of this section.

3. Valjean

I am unable to write a piece about how many layers of wrong this Valjean embodied.

There are a lot of good tumblr scholars and Les Mis experts talking about it already, they can explain better than I ever could, but we need to, at least, try to glimpse at the mess this was, because this is a post on problems and this was a major one.

There are a lot of interpretations of Valjean, some of which are astronomically awful. He’s a character that can be easily fucked up, maybe because he also represents a very complex range of emotions, a very wide spectrum of masculinity, and is inserted in a wide variety of social contexts and spheres during his lifetime, which permeate his way of living as well as his agency to do things.

Any adaptation of Les Mis from the get go starts with the challenge of representing all of this in a limited time frame and with a limited perspective. It’s very difficult to translate not only all of this complexity but also all the thoughts the narrator can rely, all the feelings and conflicts and internal turmoil that we can get from the book because it’s written.

The musical, in that sense, has some elements from its medium that help, like the soliloquies, the changes of key, the ability for characters to bear their souls through song without interrupting the believability of the story.

Representing Valjean without a medium that allows a peek inside his head is a big challenge. He is a character whose turmoil is most often interior, so showcasing that externally poses difficulty.

Still, you can’t fuck up this much, my dude.

I’ve seen bad Valjeans in my life, this one is...complicated. He’s not good, don’t get me wrong, but he isn’t as clear-cut godawful as others I’ve seen, he’s too erratic to be easily described.��

I think this adaptation tried to showcase complexity through visible emotional distress and physical violence. Instead of having a soliloquy or symbolism, we have Valjean shouting or screaming or burning his hand with a coin and staring at it for a while or shouting at nuns or carrying Cosette by force so hard her arm is in pain.

Everything gets even more confusing when everyone around him treats him weirdly.

You get years of exposition clumsily thrown at you via a speech Fantine hears when she arrives at Montreuil and he’s been elected. You get girls looking at him naughtily and suggesting Fantine to try to seduce him. You get inkeepers and Thénardier suggesting his intentions with child Cosette aren’t appropriate. You get women in dress shops thinking his intentions with young adult Cosette aren’t appropriate. You get Javert thinking his intentions with Marius aren’t appropriate. Everyone wants to talk about Valjean’s sex life or something, I don’t know.

His attitude towards Cosette is also muddled by this erratic behavior and the very strange way in which he sees her and Fantine.

He is visibly more worried about men taking advantage of her, of “defiling” her, than other dangers she could be in, like his identity being found out by the police or her falling in the hands of the Thénardiers again. He forcibly removes her from Marius’s presence and has a fight with her about it that ends on him taking her to see the prisoners. He knows she still, as an adult, visibly flinches when she’s approached harshly yet manhandles her when he wants to keep her locked up.

There’s something possessive about this Valjean that ties in to how Cosette is portrayed as an object. He talks about Cosette as if she was something he needs to keep, says Marius will “rob” her, not because he wants to be a good father or see her happy but because she is his to have.

This Valjean feels as if Cosette was his attempt to get rid of the guilt he feels for having failed Fantine more so than anything else. She’s less of a person and more an object he needs to keep for himself like a third candlestick. That’s the impression I got of their relationship with his characterization.

By the time the series ended, I felt upset with Valjean.

I didn’t care if he died, I didn’t care if he suffered. And that’s pretty shitty for a Les Mis adaptation to prompt. He made me feel uncomfortable, uneasy, as if he was the last person I would trust to take care of a young girl. And whatever internal journey he was going on wasn’t developed well enough to understand any of these choices.

I don’t know, like I said, I’m not an expert of the subject of Jean Valjean, but I’m pretty sure this is not how you adapt him.

Problem #3: Diversity without optics

This show hadn’t even started and it was already patting itself on the back for being diverse.

Now, if you haven’t been in the world of Les Mis for too long, let me tell you there are a lot of adaptations which are diverse, and not only of the musical. In itself, it wasn’t a pioneer move, but I was nonetheless happy that they were going to pay attention to that. At the end of the day, Les Mis is about society, about oppression, and adaptations of it should represent the diversity of the social landscape of the time and place they’re created in.

That being said, diversity in a highly political storyline needs to be carefully worked through, because without optics you can make questionable choices. And, you guessed it, questionable choices were made here.

I can’t and won’t go over all of the issues with this that there are, but I can give a few examples.

There is, of course, the always present argument of casting Fantine and Cosette white and the majority of the Thénardiers and Éponine as poc. And of casting the majority of Les Amis as white and the majority or most visible part of Patron Minette as poc. People have discussed this at length so I won’t go over that.

There is also how constantly woc were cast in roles of service, some of which were questionable given the context. Simplice, for example, is cast this way, which I overlooked at the time but as it kept escalating with other characters like Matelote and eventually Toussaint, it grew a bit more complex.

Toussaint was...a very problematic choice.

When you present the character of a “housekeeper” in a period series which is meant to represent France in the 1800s, and she is a woman of color, some alarms start ringing. I don’t specialize in French history, but my instincts were proven correct when I checked various sources on dates, after seeing the episode, and I’m quoting wiki for easier access here:

Slavery was first abolished by the French Republic in 1794, but Napoleon revoked that decree in 1802. In 1815, the Republic abolished the slave trade but the decree did not come into effect until 1826. France re-abolished slavery in her colonies in 1848 with a general and unconditional emancipation.

This series has a weirdly set timeline in comparison to the book but, for all intents and purposes, we’re in the early 1830s at the time she’s first introduced, correct? There was still an unstable situation regarding abolition at the time. The general emancipation hadn’t been yet stated in the colonies and the decree had just been starting to hold effect.

I know this show is casting in a general way as a suspension of disbelief of some historical facts and I’m all for diversity in casting in period dramas, regardless of anything else, if it’s allowing for representation in media.

But, at the same time, you need to be careful with your optics. She could have been cast as anyone else.

I don’t wanna go over this a lot because I don’t know enough about these parts of French history nor is it my story to tell, but the problem is in the erasure of conflicts or racism altogether as a way to prompt a shallow sense of diversity in a story that is directly linked with the subject of oppression.

Let’s continue with another similar optics problem involving “diversity” to exemplify this issue further, so that I can clarify.

This barricade had women on it and didn’t have Combeferre.

Now, here is the thing about that. In the barricade my man Combeferre gives an amazing speech about women and children.

In case you weren’t aware, the 1800s were the moment when European women and children barely started to be seen as separate members of society and not only “men but worse” and “men but small”. There are a lot of good articles about that, including one by Martyn Lyons about the new readers of the 19th Century, which changed the course of the editorial market, those being women, children and working class men, who didn’t have access to literature or literacy before that. The idea of childhood as we know it started then, and the later editions of the Grimm fairy tales was one of the first published books of fairy tales explicitly aimed at children’s education. And since a lot of us, in other places of the world that aren’t Europe, were colonized af or barely getting free from colonial governments in the 1800s, we kinda had to go with the flow, regardless of the social structure of native peoples, because colonialism sucks.

But you all came here for Les Mis so, let’s get back to that.

As this terrible and summarized dive into history implies, women and children were vulnerable to the fucked up state of social strife. Education was scarce and only accessible to some, employment was scarce and only accessible to some, food was scarce and only accessible to some. Most often than not, “some” did not include women and children.

In comes the the sun to my moon, Combeferre, with his speech.

He talks about all of this. Basically he talks to men who are the main providers of families, providers of women and children who depend on them and goes (I’ll paraphrase) “it’s our fault as a society that women can’t be here now, it’s our fault they don’t have the same possibilities and education we do, so at least do them a solid and don’t die today here if they depend on you to live, because the only possibility they have without your support is prostitution”. It was a fucking power move to include that on Les Mis. I mean, the entire book is a call out to the social and political situation, but damn.

So yes, there aren’t women there but the reason for it is that patriarchy sucks and the consequences would be disastrous for them.

Davies & co. pretty much didn’t give a shit about this. But, at this point, considering Problem #1, who’s surprised.

They removed Combeferre, his speech and placed random women on the barricade, as if nothing of that was going on and the patriarchy didn’t exist. Because ~diversity~.

The fact that they thought more woke to put some random women there on the barricade to die fighting instead of acknowledging the existence of sexism altogether pretty much sums up what this whole show thought diversity was.

For them, diversity wasn’t a political and social standpoint born from reality, a way to represent the dynamics of oppression that are at stake even on this day, but an aesthetic.

And, talking about speeches, let’s move on to the next bit.

Problem #4: Where are the politics?

1. The social and political landscape

Les Mis adaptations have a fluctuating balance with politics and social conflicts.

That is, at the end of the day, the very core of the existence of this story, the reason why still, to this very day, it is relevant and quoted, adapted and regarded is the fact that we still need it.

All of us, as human beings living as members of society, are always immersed in political decisions. It’s not only unavoidable, it’s part of our lives as people living together.

In the same way, the personal narratives of the characters of Les Mis are intrinsically linked to this landscape. They are set in different places of the social spectrum and hold different power dynamics and actions that relate to political standpoints.

Adaptations tend to work this in very different ways.

Some focus less on the politics and more on the social strife, with a greater focus on the characters. Others re-insert the characters in other different historical moments with the same levels of social and political strife. Others just copy-paste the situations and put them in another context, without really explaining what revolution it is, what they’re fighting for and why they’re being killed. The focus varies.

It seems, for how this adaptation starts, with Waterloo and a subsequent argument between Gillenormand and Baron Pontmercy about Napoleon, that politics are going to be important. This doesn’t last very long.

My biggest issue with the introduction of these circumstances is that they don’t bother on them but then attempt to use them for gratuitous self righteousness. It isn’t that they abandon them altogether, they overlook them but then attempt to use them for shock value.

There is a constant use of exaggerated, almost cartoon-y, stagings of social depiction:

- You have Gillenormand dining with his boys, in a luxurious and incredibly flamboyant scenery, while dissing political views in an almost comical fashion

- You have beggars downright assaulting Valjean and Cosette on the street right outside the convent, as a means of shock to Cosette’s expectations of the world outside of it

- You have Fantine’s entire sequences as a prostitute with higher and higher degrees of abuse

- You have the streets before the barricades, in some sort of confusing clamor that loses focus in favor of Valjean’s storyline

- You have a god awful last scene which attempts to say something socially compromising by showcasing the kids Gavroche was helping (I don’t think they’re siblings in this version), as a means to say “the revolution wasn’t successful and social strife will always continue” I guess, I don’t know, because it’s not like they gave a shit about it all before, so this kind of Perrault-ish moral of the story at the end makes no goddamn sense

They are exaggerated snippets of things without context, with very little exposition, that are used more as props to shock than they are to actually take a stand on what the original story is trying to tell.

Even the reality Fantine has to suffer is blurred by the fact that the social situation isn’t seen as much as a reality in itself but a combination of Fantine’s “choices” and Valjean’s “guilt”.

But, in order to delve more into the non-political aspect of this adaptation, let’s focus on some specific characters.

2. Enjolras

Well, I’ve seen a lot of Enjolrai in my life (is that be the plural of Enjolras? yes? no? can it be?).

Enjolras has very different characterizations, even within fandom itself, but we can all agree that he’s a) highly political, b) highly committed to the cause and c) extremely charismatic.

And when I say “charismatic” I mean it in the sense that his speeches are so beautifully crafted, so certain and commanding, that you just wanna listen to what he has to say, regardless of your views. They’re political discourse but also very poetic, which is a very interesting literary opposite to Grantaire’s voice, but I digress.

Still, Enjolras doesn’t stand on his own.

He represents a part of a whole, an important part, but a part nonetheless. Les Amis are a very diverse mixture of individuals, and the main triumvirate represents different stances on the same political action that coexist together.

Without others to stand with, Enjolras loses context. Not because he can’t support himself as a character, but because his biggest value is within other people.

This Enjolras is confusing, angry and loses a lot of steam when most of the people who should be around him aren’t really paying attention.

Courfeyrac, although performed really well, doesn’t really get a chance to show his political ideas without Enjolras around, and that makes it seem like he’s being convinced to participate rather than doing it for his own reasons and being one key part of the group.

In the barricade, Enjolras acts as if he doesn’t know what he’s doing half the time, and the other half he doesn’t give a shit about killing soldiers, smiling and laughing while shooting people.

It isn’t just that the scene with Le Cabuc doesn’t exist, Enjolras doesn’t seem to have empathy, which is all given to Grantaire instead.

By taking away Enjolras’s vulnerability, his complexity, they make him seem more shallow overall, and in tow, make his cause lose importance.

And without a clear political standpoint, because his expositions about the situation are very shout-y and unclear, and his speeches are summarized with some actual quotes but without their meaning and true feeling, he seems to be fighting just because, rather than having strong ideals.

Enjolras in the brick is eloquent enough, humane enough, that you understand what he’s doing and why. This Enjolras is a mess that I couldn’t understand at all.

I don’t think people who have never seen, read or heard of Les Mis before will understand Enjolras as a character through this. He’s just a very angry student with weird facial hair (why?) who rants in a cafe while his friends are playing games and making jokes, who is friends with some workers and is the leader because he shouts the loudest but doesn’t seem to know what he’s doing.

And, worst of all, doesn’t seem to care for human life. Which brings me to the next bit...

3. Grantaire

Man, was I excited with this casting choice.

When I heard Turlough was playing Grantaire, I was delighted. And, at the end of the day, his performance was very good, but for a character who wasn’t quite Grantaire at times.

I mean, he wasn’t as off as Enjolras, but he was also so erratically written.

They decided to make Grantaire hesitant rather than a cynic. He didn’t get to express his cynicism or his attachment to his friends (what friends though? only Bossuet had a name other than Courfeyrac and Enjolras) and his involvement with the fight was shown as insecure rather than questioning of ideals.

He is shown conflicted when he decides to fight with them, he doesn’t have any of his long speeches, the Barrière du Maine scene or anything of the sort. He is just...hesitant about death, I guess. About dying and killing people. That’s his conflict.

This has, to me, two big problems attached to it.

First, it’s a simplification of the entirety of Grantaire’s thoughts. It’s taking the cornucopia of drunken philosophy that Grantaire’s voice in the brick represents and replacing it with a single fear, which while very valid doesn’t reflect Grantaire’s true extensive complexities.

Second, it takes away from Enjolras’s humanity. Enjolras is showcased as an indiscriminate machine of shooting soldiers while Grantaire is conflicted about having to do this and, in tow, makes Enjolras’s rejection of him when he leaves and gets drunk like a jerk move of an insensitive asshole.

There isn’t a clear instance of Enjolras giving Grantaire a chance to do something before the barricade and Grantaire failing at it, with all the dominoes symbolism and all the stuff it implies. There isn’t a complementary set of complexities between each other. Grantaire seems to care about human life more than Enjolras does in this version, at the end of the day, because Enjolras’s speeches, even if carrying canon quotes, are inserted in a context in which he laughs while shooting people, knowingly sends Gavroche into danger and chastises Grantaire for being conflicted about human lives at stake.

So, instead of representing Grantaire’s true complexity as a character, they chose to give him something else that they think makes him more dimensional, when, in reality, takes away from his (and Enjolras’s) worth as a character.

All of this is very weirdly intersected with drunken jokes. Sometimes, the jokes and the behavior pays off and is inserted in good moments, sometimes they just don’t know when to stop and they kind of ruin their death scene with them, which is even worse considering it’s one of the few where they’re actually holding hands.

Overall, I think this was a simplification of Grantaire, in a way, a simplification which falls apart without a solid context to exist in. And it’s a pity, because Turlough was good.

4. Gavroche

The only reason I’d want an immediate new adaptation of Les Mis is so we can cast this same Gavroche in a decent one. He’s one of the best Gavroches I’ve ever seen, hands down.

In this case, the problem isn’t with his interpretation or how he was written, necessarily, and all time frame and socio-political simplifications aside, the problem is in how the context reacts to him.

A lot of Gavroche’s agency is deleted in this version.

For starters, his age is kind of all over the place at the beginning. He’s fine by the time of the barricade, but before it’s kind of a mess. As a result, he lives with his parents for a bit longer than necessary and the few times we see him on his own, being his independent self, are in conflict with how his involvement in the main events come to happen.

It feels as if he’s been used in the barricade. When he’s off to find bullets, only Marius tries to get him back to safety, while the rest cheer him and laugh.

His character is well performed and we get to see his personality and his situation when he’s allowed to act on his own, but within the context he’s inserted in, he seems more like a prop than a character.

This makes it so that when he dies, you’re upset more so than sad. It doesn’t feel like a tragic circumstance born out of a lot of layers of social strife which culminate in a dead end for a kid who deserved a better life. It feels like every adult around him, every person he encounters, either neglects him, mistreats him or sends him into danger. It feels, much like with Fantine, like an easily avoidable situation.

And things get worse with this guy:

Like I said in my summary, this David Harbour-ish soldier is the one who is shown to mercilessly kill both Gavroche and execute Enjolras and Grantaire.

This is another layer in the modus operandi of an adaptation who uses social oppression and political strife as shock value rather than commentary and discourse.

By personalizing “evil” in one stern, mean, unreasonable, power-hungry soldier, they’re villanizing (and trivializing) the social context as a whole. It isn’t about how Gavroche got to that point, how we as a society failed so hard that he has to die in that way. It’s just one bad guy.

But then, they try to be fake deep about it, by doing that last scene with his brothers or by placing him alongside Mabeuf and Éponine but not explaining what that means, why those juxtapositions are socially relevant and important to the plot (maybe they don’t know why).

Overall, this was such a waste of a great Gavroche that I just feel really bad. Reece deserved so much better.

5. The barricade

Needless to say, this barricade was more of a mess than you would have expected.

The lack of proper introduction to the political landscape, the clumsy exposition, the out of context shout-y speeches and the erratic behavior of its characters, paired together with the fact that it ends about 1/4 into the last episode, giving more time to personal drama than any of what happens in it, makes it one confusing mess.

It’s also in the barricade where it’s super clear how visually similar this series is to the 2012 movie. A lot of visual choices are extremely similar, even when they didn’t need to be (Fantine’s and Cosette’s hair choices? the shots in the hulks? the scaled down yet very similar camera angles and movements during the entire fight? the color schemes of some particular scenes?), and it’s pretty heightened in this barricade.

Which I wouldn’t care about hadn’t they talked crap about the movie during their entire PR campaign.

Like I said, there were so many issues within the people involved in the barricade. With the women, with the characters, with the soldiers. There was also a very strangely set line between workers and students that they were very clumsy about setting yet didn’t get to do much aside from having the leader of the working class men leave when Enjolras prompted it.

By the way, Enjolras was a lot less convinced about the whole ordeal in this version, which made his characterization even more confusing.

The barricade had a lot of messed up ingredients and not enough time to even simmer. At least the musical, which doesn’t have a lot of time dedicated to the students either, has Drink With Me, which doesn’t only serve as a way to characterize different students and their beliefs and personalities (“Is your life just one more lie?”) but also brings some melancholic change of pace, a pause between the action.

The highlight of this barricade, though, is Marius going apeshit with the torch.

But, all in all, there’s no much we can expect from a barricade born of confused ideas and even more confusing characterizations. This barricade feels less like a climax and more like a thing they had to do because it was in the book.

And don’t even make me talk about how they butchered my favorite speech. I’d rather not have it there at all, tbh.

Conclusion: A writer’s ego

We arrive to the end of this long and boring trip through my thoughts. If you’re reached this point, thank you for your time.

All in all, I feel like a lot of the issues of this adaptation stem from the fact that Davies thinks he’s better than everyone else and other men around him agree so much that they let him do as he pleases, without questioning anything.

I can’t really understand how you’re going through the script of this and see some of these choices (like the dress shop scene, the carriage scene and let’s not even mention the peeing in the park scene) and you go, and I’m quoting Shankland here:

“Andrew’s scripts made these characters feel modern. That was nothing to do with having them speak in a very modern way or changing their behaviour, he just found the humanity and earthiness of it,” Shankland says, recalling a scene in which Fantine and her companions urinate in a Paris park. “I thought, ‘Oh god, they’re going to pee in Les Misérables, that’s exciting.’” Source

That just sums it all up, doesn’t it?

After I watched this, I let some time pass. I watched all 3 fanmade adaptations that are currently out at this moment (back to back), revisited some of the ones I had seen before, read fics, read people’s articles and rants, looked into other adaptations on stage, from the classic ones to the more interpretative versions, and other current tv adaptations being done in other countries.

All of those things are vastly different. Some are more similar to each other, some are widely different, but they’re all different points of view on the same canon.

This is a canon that has some of the wildest possible interpretations coexisting. You can have a play centered on one specific character told through the songs of a specific album, a tv drama in modern times with a lawyer Valjean, a coffee shop au starring Les Amis, a parody comedy set in 1832, all happening at the same exact time.

And that’s great. That’s fascinating. That means this book is still alive because we need it still today.

Some days you’re in the mood for a heavily political adaptation which gives you goosebumps for setting canon in a context that is closer to your everyday reality, other days you just want all the Amis to live and have movie marathons cuddled together. It’s all valid.

But what all of those adaptations have in common is that they aren’t trying to be more than they are. They aren’t acting brand new, they aren’t pretending they’re re-inventing the wheel or that they are smarter than Victor Hugo himself because what Hugo didn’t know he needed in the “psychology of the book” was a soulmate au or a documentary series.

This adaptation, through what they said and how it was written, acted as if it was going to be the ultimate Les Mis adaptation to end them all. It presented itself as smarter than us all, as holding the keys to the meaning of Victor Hugo’s thoughts, as being able to fix his “mistakes”, fix other adaptation’s “mistakes” and deliver the best interpretation of canon possible.

And it managed to be a sexist, socially insensitive, problematic, un-political, homophobic mess.

Which, is a problem in itself, but even more so when the canon you’re adapting should be, first and foremost, against all that. It isn’t about how many brick quotes you use, it’s about channeling the soul of the story.

#les mis #les miserables #les mis bbc #les mis bbc a summary #jean valjean #cosette #fantine #eponine #marius pontmercy #enjolras #grantaire #gavroche #death cw #long post when expanded #luly rambles #bbc les mis

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bispec-remade · 5 years

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hi! sorry to bother you out of the blue, but i saw yr post on bisexual identity & i was wondering if you had any advice for someone questioning? i've id'd as a nb lesbian for a few years, but i recently came to the realization that that's never really felt Right or Comfortable & i've consistently felt disconnected from it. i think i might be a bi trans guy, but trying to unravel my feelings about men when i've spent years avoiding the hell out of them is..Hard, to say the least, especially (1/2)

when most questioning resources are specifically directed at people who are cis and bi, or just talk about transness as hearing trans guys exist and knowing you were one immediately/consciously wanted to be a boy as a kid all the time or w/e. you don’t have to answer this if it’s a lot/too personal!! sorry!!!! (2/2)

i can’t really speak for everyone on the process of questioning, but i can certainly speak for myself. i think it might help you to hear a little bit about how i’ve identified over the years, and what i largely struggled with in figuring out my identity. while it isn’t exactly concrete advice, you might find a little piece of your own truth in what i have to say about my own questioning process. i’ve done a lot of introspection on my identity as well as the journey my gender and sexuality has taken over the years, so i have a lot of thoughts regarding the entire process.

just as a warning: this is about 3,000 words of text, and most of the more general advice will be at the end of this. i also. barely proofread this so apologies if some of what i say lacks clarity.

over the past four or five years that i’ve identified as someone who’s part of the lgbt+ community, i have identified as all sorts of things under the umbrella. lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, nonbinary, so on and so forth. right now, i identify as a bisexual trans guy, and it’s the most comfortable i have ever been with an identity. but it’s taken me a lot of exploration for me to get to this point. largely due to a struggle with an aversion to manhood, a struggle with community, a struggle between gender and sexuality, and a struggle with other’s perceptions.

see, the last time i identified as bisexual (aside from right now of course) was actually the first time i identified as anything within the community. but it always felt fake somehow, like i was maybe faking my attraction to girls (i thought myself to be a cisgender girls) in order to feel special somehow. it was brief, and it was always just a fleeting thought, a “what if”. i never really solidly identified as bisexual at the time, and i lacked the knowledge of what attraction felt like to know if i was attracted to girls.

and then, that possibility that i might be bisexual all got tossed out the window when i realized that i wasn’t cis in 2014. after that, i didn’t identify as bisexual for a very, very long time, but i never went back to identifying as cis either. it was my first genuine exploration in the lgbt+ community, where i concretely identified within the community. i identified as nonbinary for one month, before i realized that i was actually more comfortable identifying as a trans guy. a gay trans guy to be specific. i can’t really explain why identifying as a trans guy felt right, it just did. it wasn’t really an “aha”, more like an “i like identifying this way, it feels comfortable”. i’m also not sure why i wrote off the thought that i might be attracted to women. maybe because i had a much more concrete and sure identity in my transness, and i no longer felt the need to evaluate if i was attracted to women or not.

i think i identified as a gay trans guy for the longest. around two years. really, the only thing that changed in that time period was that my gender started to feel less and less binary with time, and so i saw myself as a gay nonbinary guy. but then, one day, i started considering a different possibility. what if i was a nonbinary lesbian? which sounds strange of course, because “lesbian” is multiple leaps from “gay guy”. not only does it mean aligning with a different gender, but it means being attracted to women (which gay men are not), and not being attracted to men (which gay men are). and honestly, i’m not sure quite how it happened. i think it was just a convenient alignment of changes in how i viewed myself. i was starting to notice that i was maybe attracted to girls beyond a mere “what if”, and certain events taking place at this time made me kind of disillusioned by manhood (putting both my attraction to men and my identity as a man into question).

and so began what i call my flip flop period, where i switched between nonbinary lesbian and gay trans guy about 6 times. and yes, that is a LOT of times to be making that kind of flip in identity. to summarize, it was…gay trans guy (two years, which i already talked about) to they/them nb lesbian (for a month, and they/them pronouns because while i had heard about lesbians using he/him pronouns at the time but i was too scared to identify as such) to gay trans guy (because i missed using he/him pronouns and because it was scary and unfamiliar identifying as a lesbian) to he/him nb lesbian (where i was comfortable identify as a lesbian and using he/him pronouns) to gay trans guy (partially in response to backlash for identifying as a he/him lesbian) to he/him nb lesbian (for over 6 months) to a very ambiguous questioning period where i didn’t really identify as anything (which i’ll talk about later). all in all, about two years.

yeah. it’s a lot, i know. and at this point, you might start wondering, “if you were constantly switching between believing you were attracted to men and believing you were attracted to women, then why the hell did you never consider bisexuality?” and…now we get to the thought process that had secretly been running underneath my questioning process the entire time. my desire to feel accepted by the community. you can see it in how i viewed my gender as well as how i viewed my sexuality.

i think at some point, my identity sort of became this tug of war between what felt right for me, and what i felt like the lgbt+ community and wider society would accept (which was fueled by my own internal biases). and in questioning, i think people really need to be honest with themselves about what their particular hangups with identifying as something are. it requires serious introspection. and for me, it required introspection on why i was hesitant to identify as a lesbian, a trans guy, and bisexual. because for me, each identity had its merit and it wasn’t so simple to figure out which was most comfortable for me. a lot of people tell you “identify as what feels the most comfortable to you!” but sometimes, it isn’t so simple to find what’s most comfortable for you. sometimes you have to actively work towards letting yourself feel comfortable in an identity, especially with all sorts of internalized bigotry that you might be struggling with.

i struggled between these three identities so much (enough that i didn’t even consider the third an option for three entire years) because i was treating it like a pros and cons kind of thing. the benefits of identifying as this, and the disadvantages. which can be a way to approach questioning of course. but it isn’t the best way to do so if you’re also factoring other people’s perceptions into the equation. and when you compare identities like that, it also becomes a sort of issue of “i’ll settle for this one because it’s the most comfortable, even if it doesn’t really work perfectly”.

so, what were my hang-ups with each identity? well, with identifying as a lesbian, the issue was that while i did feel a sense of community stronger than i felt with any other community, a sense of belonging, it meant identifying with womanhood to a greater degree than i really wanted to. and then there was the issue of me most comfortably identifying as a lesbian using he/him pronouns, which is an extremely controversial topic as you might know (i still remain wholly in support of lesbians using he/him pronouns, even if the identity didn’t personally work for me). hell, i even got anonymous hate because of identifying as such. and then there was the fact that i couldn’t imagine a reality where i could actually be out as a nonbinary lesbian using he/him pronouns. transitioning or not transitioning would mean a certain inherent level of dishonesty about my identity.

with identifying as a trans guy, it was…well, once i started identifying as a lesbian at a time that i was already sort of wary of manhood, but i started building an even more and more negative mindset towards manhood (both identifying as a man and being attracted to men). the thought of identifying as a man made me feel guilty. it was even more difficult for me because at one point, i was so averse to men that i was fairly sure that i was completely unattracted to men, though still open to the possibility of being a man. and at some point, i accepted that i was absolutely attracted to women, regardless of my gender. and the thought that i might be a straight man made me feel. disgusted, honestly. i tried identifying as a possibly straight trans guy for maybe two days, but. that flopped very quickly because i could barely think about being attracted to a woman for two seconds because i felt guilty for being attracted to woman as a man. this isn’t to say that straight trans guys aren’t valid, but i was dealing with my own shit at the time, and that was just how i saw things. it’s. complicated, and personal, so it’s hard to really explain in words, but the combination of my aversion to men and my aversion towards the thought of men’s attraction to women made things tough. and while i completely understand why people would be averse to manhood (and i still am myself, to some degree) it was extremely toxic to my own questioning process.

which brings me to the third one, which my mind was subconsciously putting out of my mind as a choice. bisexuality. i…it’s hard to really explain my feelings towards bisexuality. that post you mentioned, about bisexual identity? i largely wrote that based on my own previous perceptions of bisexuality. i feel like the reason it resonates with so many people is because i was speaking for my own internalized biphobia. and i’m not proud of it, but it was definitely a thing. for some, bisexuality comes this inherent feeling of not belonging, of loneliness. as if you’re identity is not enough, or that it’s too much.

to keep it short before i start waxing poetic: i think i couldn’t handle the thought of being attracted to multiple genders at once. at having a “straight” and “gay” part of my identity. and this perception is the way a lot of people view bisexuality, even if they openly say that you shouldn’t see bisexuality as “straight” + “gay”. bisexuality is often seen as “part you should be proud of” + “part you shouldn’t be proud of” by wider society and the lgbt+ community, and i. couldn’t accept that. so i never thought of my attraction to men (from when i identified as gay) and (my attraction to women from when i identified as lesbian) as possible pieces of a bisexual identity. it was one or the other, and my mind was subconsciously nudging myself towards an identity where i felt entirely within the lgbt+ community. not to say bisexual people aren’t entirely within the lgbt+ community, but the internalized biphobia i was struggling with felt that that was how i would be viewed if i identified as bisexual. so i didn’t.

so, how did i settle on my current identity as a bisexual trans guy? well, first of all, i was honest to myself. like i mentioned, i pulled all of my thought processes as for why i did and did not want to identify as certain things into the limelight. including the ones about bisexuality. then, i saw just how much my identity relied on the perception of others, and how much distress that was causing me. so i decided to think about things not in terms of how others would view my identity, but in terms of what felt genuinely comfortable. i forgot about how i would be viewed if i was a nonbinary lesbian using he/him pronouns, i forgot about my aversion to men and what it means to be a man in this society, and i forgot about how bisexual identity is unfortunately often viewed in fragments.

but i didn’t come to a conclusion immediately. actually, for a solid month or two, i let myself drift. i chose to not identify as anything, to see where my normal interactions with the world would point me. starting with a blank slate so to say, and trying to view my feelings outside of the context of society. merely looking at someone and saying “hm, she is attractive” instead of “hm, she is attractive but how would i feel about my attraction to her if i was a man”. or, “hm, i do still like he/him pronouns as i always have” instead of “hm, i do still like he/him pronouns as i always have but how would i be viewed if i identified a lesbian”. or “hm, that man is attractive” instead of “hm, that man is attractive but can you trust him when you’ve been mistreated by men so many times in the past?” it’s hard to do, but it gives you the most honest and comfortable understanding of your identity. finding the box that fits you first, instead of trying to find the box that fits you and that fits society.

i first tried to understand my sexuality, because it felt a little more objective to me. viewing things in the way i was, with this clean slate, it was an either “you are or you aren’t attracted to them” sort of thing. plus, my gender is sort of innately tied to my sexuality (thanks to that nonbinary element of my gender), so i had to get sexuality pinned before i could pin down by gender. and what i found was that. well, i’m bisexual. i am definitely confident in my attraction to all genders, though i still view my attraction to different genders in different ways.

as for my gender, it took a little bit of time once i had the bisexual part of my identity down. i knew i probably wasn’t a bisexual woman, as i couldn’t really see an element of womanhood to my gender with the knowledge that i was attracted to men (update as of 05.12.19: i no longer view things this way, and i do have an element of womanhood to my gender). so it was more of a problem of how nonbinary i was. because my nonbinary identity is probably the thing i’ve been most confident in this entire time. i do not entirely identify as a certain gender, and i haven’t for a long time. that part has stayed the same. but how comfortable was i identifying with manhood, if at all? and…i sort of eased into it. first privately identifying as bi and nonbinary. and then bi and nonbinary with maybe a slight inclination for manhood. and soon, my identity got more and more male with time. so now i pretty confidently identify as a bisexual trans guy, with the nonbinary element of my gender being more personal than an explicitly stated part of my identity.

and that was my entire journey with exploring gender and sexuality! i guess some things i’d like to leave this off with that actually serve as proper advice are…

don’t be afraid to try things out. quite frankly, even though none of my previous identities (bi cis girl, gay trans guy, nonbinary lesbian) ended up being right for me, they were still extremely important to my personal journey, and i openly embrace those times i identified as such. for example, identifying as a nonbinary lesbian was necessary for me to even accept that i could be attracted to woman, but i do NOT see that identity as a stepping stone towards my current identity. in that time, i genuinely identified as nonbinary lesbian. that was my reality. it just so happens that my reality from back then helped fuel my reality today. and maybe some day i’ll find a more comfortable identity than that of a bisexual trans guy. i’m open to the possibility, but right now, i’m living my most comfortable reality. (update as of 05.12.19: i actually did find a more comfortable identity! i find myself identifying with both bisexual manhood and bisexual womanhood right now, so i consider myself bigender. there is still the element of me that remains a bisexual man of course. though i have since reconsidered my identity, what i have said here still stands.)

try not to worry about what others think so much. identify as what’s comfortable for you. no matter what you identify as, no matter what ends up being comfortable for you, there’s the sad reality will always someone who takes issue with it, even if you end up not identifying as lgbt+ in the end. but the happy reality? there will always be a community of people willing to accept your identity, and you WILL find them even if you don’t have that community right now. in a really weird way, i find it a little comforting that there’ll be haters and lovers out there no matter what i identify as. it means i’m free to identify the way that’s comfortable for me. because hell, those come with EVERY identity. so please don’t feel tethered down by the expectations of the community that currently surrounds you. do what feels right for you, and then find the people who will accept you for it afterwards.

don’t be afraid to go without a label. i personally find comfort in labels, which is why i only temporarily went without a label to help myself through the questioning process. but it is still completely an option to simply exist, and it can be really freeing to do so. sure, there is no community called the no label community, and even communities centered on ambiguity of gender/sexual orientation gather around a specific label, but you don’t really need an X community or a Y community to be happy. communities gathering under labels can be great ways to easily meet people with similar experiences, but you can just as easily find people with similar experiences outside of communities. hell, some of the people i relate to the most when it comes to gender and sexuality don’t even identify as bisexual people or trans men. so if you’re scared of missing out on community if you choose to abandon labels altogether, then i assure you that it is completely possible to find community anywhere and with any identity (or lack thereof).

thank you very much for the question, and i am extremely touched that you saw me as someone to ask about this sort of thing. i myself know quite well just how frustrating the internal struggle you’re going through is, and i really do wish there were more resources for this kind of thing. it’s such a deeply personal process and yet i’ve seen so many people struggle with the exact same things i struggled with. this was probably a lot to absorb, but i hope shedding light on my own experiences perhaps offered you a bit of insight on yourself, if not concrete advice on how to approach questioning. i wish you luck in figuring things out!

#mine #okay to rb #asks #anonymous #questioning #Anonymous

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justakidwithopinions-blog · 5 years

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Preface

First I would like to tell you why I chose this particular movie; This movie is about a mental – turned into a physical- disorder called body dysmorphia and in this special case anorexia. I’m pretty sure you know what these terms mean but since I’m here to review it and dare I say “criticise” it, I’m going to give a summarized explanation.

Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), or body dysmorphia, is a mental health condition where a person spends a lot of time worrying about flaws in their appearance. These flaws are often unnoticeable to others.

Anorexia an emotional disorder characterized by an obsessive desire to lose weight by refusing to eat.

Now on to why I chose this movie, I have been dealing with BDD for many years now that at this point I don’t even remember when it started, I was a “fat” kid that everyone (parents, family, friends and even strangers) would judge and or make fun of. That made me very much aware of my “ugly” and “abnormal” body and the cherry on top is that when I hit puberty my breasts turned out saggy and there I was left with the judging eyes of my mother –and other close female family relatives- that would point that out every so often that I’m looking forward to getting surgery on them this summer to “fix” them and that means forming into a build-up standard made by the human race. I went on a pretty strict diet when I was 16 and lost 11 kg and since then I’ve been keeping this strange diet where I eat nothing beyond 5 pm (sometimes 7 pm depending on when I eat my dinner) and basically eating less than 1000 calories a day and well as everyone encourages you to do so exercise; by now so many of my friends and relatives say that I don’t or that I refuse to eat anything and that it is unhealthy, which is ironic cause they were the ones that made fun of me and judged me when I was fat and now that I’m considered “skinny” I “Don’t eat anything and torturing myself for nothing and putting too much pressure on myself”, well guess what? I still consider myself fat, I still want to lose at least 5 kg and have an impossible dream to get anorexia. Yes, I do wish I have a deadly disease and this movie clearly shows why not to wish that upon yourself and how you need to live. Not just as in breathing but as in being alive, enjoying the moment, loving, caring and being loved! Which I haven’t felt in a while. That’s the reason I chose it because not only it shows you the good sides of life that everyone dreams of but it also shows the struggles and how hard it is to reach the good sides and that we – I in this case- take so many things for granted.

To The Bone

The movie starts with some people in a group therapy session and a girl saying that how the media presents us with a cake, like it’s a reward then in the next page they show some sad fat girl and some fit girl next to her that says I went on this diet and got fit and the girl continues by complaining about the media saying that it wants to torture us, which I think is a great way to start a movie about anorexia, you see, many people – especially women – are often criticized by the world around them, we have magazines that judge celebrities about how fat they’ve gotten while red circling some tummy rolls on a person who’s at most a size 5; since we live in a society that people make shrines out of celebrities and look so high up to some people, we see those red circles, look into the mirror and say “well I have more tummy rolls, I’m a size 6! People must hate me, people probably don’t like me, I will never be loved…” and it goes on forever, comparing yourself to some sort of standard that the media has created just to sell whatever product they have. The movie then shows the main character Ellen, a young woman in her early 20’s that has black eyeliner all around her eye and is going for an “artistic” and “depressive” look, because it’s quite popular right now and apparently having depression makes you cool. She goes on by saying rude words and then it’s shown that she has been thrown out of yet another group therapy and in-patient. It’s then showed that she’s smoking cigarettes while being welcomed by her father’s house-keeper. This movie brings out so many good points, one of them being smoking; so many youngsters smoke either because they want to fit in with their group of friends or society or it’s because smoking is a sex thing and doing it makes you look “Hotter” and more “attractive” in this movie Ellen smokes to eat less as many anorexic people tend to do. Ellen then proves to her sister at dinner that she has memorized the calories of everything, meaning that she counts every single calorie she consumes and wants to keep in under control, she seems to have a good bond with her sister. Later we’re introduced to a new key character, Ellen’s step-mother, Susan. Susan has a pep talk with Ellen saying that her father is upset at her and Ellen asks why the father himself isn’t present to express that, Susan comes up with excuses and then asks to weigh Ellen, in the process of weighing, Ellen takes off most of her clothing and Susan is scared and worried that she just looks “too thin”, she then takes a picture of Ellen’s body and asks if she thinks she looks beautiful which she responds with no, at this point of the movie I don’t think Ellen says she doesn’t look beautiful because of how thin she is, I think she says that because she’s not thin enough for her own standards, the thing with these types of disorders is that the person becomes a perfectionist and weirdly enough has their own standard of what is perfect and what is not and so she didn’t think she was perfect because she had probably gained weight in the in-patient she was thrown out of. Later it cuts to Ellen’s parents fighting behind the closed doors and the sisters sneaking out of the house. As I mentioned before they seem to have a pretty good relationship, they laugh about how messed up their family is and Ellen says that she’s probably going to be kicked out of her own house (again, which we’ll get to that) or get sent to treatment, which Kelly gives a respond in a way so commonly used by the people close to the diseased person that don’t have a clue what’s actually going on “Okay, so eat.” to which Ellen responds “I eat,” the thing is that Kelly does actually care about Ellen in the most selfless way possible (as we proceed, there’s going to be a family therapy which I think is one of the best and realistic scenes of the movie since it shows how the family can effect on one’s health and how even one person caring can make you accomplish a lot) because when Ellen says “I’ve got it under control, Nothing bad is going to happen.” She says one of the most iconic lines “How many people do you think are down there? Like, two million? I bet a bunch of them who are about to die just said the exact same thing.”

Fast-forwarding to Ellen getting submitted into a new in-patient and it showing that the new doctor is pretty straight forward that he doesn’t want to give anyone “hope” neither he’s interested in patients that don’t want to live anymore. As she gets submitted to the in-patient, the story begins, the story of rising and falling in life while having a mental disorder. We’re introduced to another major role in the movie which is Luke and other patients that are going through what she’s going through in their own special way. What this movie beautifully represents is the variety of how people deal with having a mental disorder and how it may appear on someone, for example, you may think that someone with a disorder that mentally doesn’t allow them to eat anything to be very thin but we can see an obese girl having BDD. A thing that stands to me is that they never once mention the word “anorexia” by its full term, they might call themselves “rexies” from time to time, but no one wants to admit that they have a mental illness or even admit that they are sick. We see a quite unique group of people, someone who’s “tubed” and lives in “pony-land” even though they might be past their 20’s and is afraid of healing because she doesn’t believe that she’s sick and gets nausea thinking about food, A pregnant lady that got knocked-up by a random guy but wants to keep the baby and has a beautiful line (that even Ellen herself points out) “I just want to think about something besides me for once” which what a mental disorder in my opinion (especially in this case) is about “being too obsessed with yourself, that you think the world orbits around you” and my favourite character, Luke. He’s there because he has a “dream” a “goal” he wants to heal and keeps giving people a new perspective that they should too find a goal in life and try to get better for it. He’s optimistic but you can see throughout the movie that he’s just as broken as the others, that he as well wants to lose hope and die, but for the others he’s comfort, sometimes he might be overwhelming to the other patients as he might get too optimistic and cheerful –something that people with mental illnesses either don’t want to see or even be- but at the end, he’s the one that “saves” Eli (as she changes her name, which props to her doctor cause I really think that that was a really good idea, it somehow is a starting step towards a big change in life) although the doctor was really helpful because personally, I like people (especially therapists) to be straight forward, and their conversation

“I just don't see the point.

- There is no point. Or at least, big picture, we don't get to know what it is. Why we live, why Megan lost the baby, why that girl killed herself.

- You're not reassuring me, doctor.

- I can't reassure you. This idea you have that there's a way to be safe...it's childish and cowardly. It stops you from experiencing anything, including anything good.

- You don't think I feel bad enough already? I know I'm messed up... but you're supposed to teach me how not to be.

-You know, how. Stop waiting for life to be easy. Stop hoping for somebody to save you. You don't need another person lying to you. Things don't all add up. But you're resilient. Face some hard facts and you could have an incredible life”

Was a major breaking point. In the movie Eli’s family play a big role in her life as we can see in the family therapy session most of them are self-centered and want to blame one another for Eli’s situation, her mother coming out as gay to her at the age of 13 and getting a divorce from her father and marrying her best friend, her father not being at the picture at all as we don’t even see him once in the movie because he keeps coming up with excuses that he can’t be there for his daughter that has a big negative effect on Eli as she’s always asking whether her father is showing up or not, two step-mums which show their full support, Susan which she now lives with and is really trying so hard to bond with Eli and is knocking on every door to find a cure for her and Olive that seems to be very strict but kind as well, A sister –Kelly- which I’ve already discussed, that shows to be a very caring younger sister. At the end of the movie Eli decides to visit her mother, they have a really heartbreaking scene in the tent that her mother points out that when Eli was born she had postpartum depression and how she couldn’t hold Eli as baby and she’s regretting it so she offers that she should feed her like a baby (a way that a friend recommended) which at first Eli said no to but then when her mother wants to leave quoting that she accepts if Eli doesn’t want to live anymore she cries out her name saying that she wants to be fed and rocked to sleep.

There are three final points that I want to discuss:

1. The rain scene: doctor Beckham scheduled a trip for the whole group to a place that has fake rain. Rain in the popular culture is a symbol of life and that’s why doctor Beckham decided to bring them there, to show them how it feels to be alive. It was so beautifully painted and I think everyone at that specific moment, even Eli who has a very dark view on life felt amazing and wanted to be alive and most importantly stay alive.

2. Eli’s relationship with Luke: as they get know each other better, they tend to be good friends, finding some same interests and having the polar opposite opinions in life really matched them up. We can see that Luke has known Eli for a while now throughout her paintings and artworks on her blog and Eli was his muse until she took the blog down (because someone killed herself because of her works and sent her a letter). Luke finds out what her favourite candy is and gets her that candy forcing her to smell, touch and then take a bite out of it which she refuses and yells at Luke saying that he shouldn’t be too pleased with himself, Luke then takes her on a date as he has earned points (because he has been eating and gaining weight) which at first Eli refuses but then accepts as Luke says they can walk the whole way and she will gain no weight if she eats, the restaurant scene is pretty intimate, showing how good they’re bonding and how Luke is lovingly looking at her and is sad that she chews the food and then spits it out even though she finds it very delicious and is actually hungry. The second swing scene is where they have an immediate rise and fall, first opening up about things like virginity and sex and Luke asking if she was abused sexually when she was younger which she says the “casual groping” as women tend to grow out breasts and the “slurs” which they both ironically discuss how women are just objects for men –which this was one of the good points the movie brought up, how women get cat-called so often that they don’t even view it as sexual harassment anymore and how it’s a problem in society and how it deeply affects women and objectifies them and we need to shine light on it- he says that she needs to be touched by someone who cares about her and kisses her, as the kiss deepens, Luke says that he’s falling in love with her and that was so irrational for her that she breaks them off and says they haven’t known each other enough to fall in love and Luke blames her on that behalf. We don’t see the relationship getting fixed or better as Eli wants to get out of the house Luke says to her that she’s his only hope in life since his dream of being a ballerina is crushed due to the fact that his knee now needs surgery but she just leaves him to get out. At the end as she has the dream (which is my final point of discussion) we see Luke in her dream and how he helps her survive and come back to the house. (I personally hope they get back together!)

3. Eli’s final dream/coma: after her heartbreaking scene with her mother she takes a late-night trip to the desert as she gets tired and lays down, she wakes up in some sort of after-life (as she has been eating poorly the past few days and she has finally achieved her goal of fitting her arm into her fist meaning that she has lost her hope and there isn’t much left of her) she’s looking healthy and is greeted by Luke pointing out a tree, on the next scene she’s sitting both under the tree and on the tree with Luke, sharing an intimate moment with him and looking up at herself feeling discussed with her now full-of-hope self. Luke asks her to look at herself to which she looks down to see herself lying on the ground, naked, dead, to the bone; she finally realises what she has done to herself and what the effects of her death may be and when she wakes up she’s finally happy to be alive and looks joyfully at life. Now she’s ready to heal, finds out who actually cares about her as she tightly hugs her step mum Susan which she found annoying at first (because she actually cared) and now wants to try one last time.

Final thoughts: This movie was directed by Marti Nixon a woman in her early 50’s which was loosely based on her own life experience and wants to shine a light on a mental disorder that is quite popular amongst women. I think it had a really good point-of-view and discussed so many taboo things in society, such as LGBTQ+ rights, mental disorders and toxic family behaviours. I would definitely recommend everyone to watch it and not take things they have in life for granted and how they should review their behaviour towards life and other people –and how deeply one wrong action can change a person’s life entirely- and take better care of themselves and their beloved ones (as we can see that Eli was an effect from a failed relationship of two people who probably didn’t want kids or didn’t know how to raise one and how Eli blames herself for all that mentioning that she’s not viewed as a “person” anymore in her parents’ life but rather as a “problem.”) And not respond with “you just want attention” if someone opens up about a struggle to you.

-Negin Hamesh 10/06/19, a brief review of the movie “To the bone (2017)” directed and written by Marti Nixon.

#to the bone #body dysmorphia #bdd #movie review #film review #marti nixon

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