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metanarrates · 3 months

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the bill (post that outlines it from last week) has been signed into law.

the slight good news: the language of the bill has been amended so that children can no longer be criminally charged for using a bathroom or locker room that aligns with their gender identity.

the bad news: literally almost everything else about the bill is the same. adults can still be charged.

in addition to everything highlighted in my earlier post, I would like to highlight that the law will charge transgender adults with trespass if “the individual enters or remains in the changing room under circumstances which a reasonable person would expect to likely cause affront or alarm to, on, or in the presence of another individual." in other words, if a transphobe is alarmed by a trans person existing in a restroom, and the judge agrees, that's a trespassing charge. maximum penalties for trespassing under utah law go up to six months in jail and a $1000 charge.

I don't think I need to explain the violence that trans people, particularly trans women, face in jail, especially if they are sent to a men's prison as a trans woman. I also don't think I need to explain the poverty that the trans community experiences as a result of systemic discrimination, and how devastating a fine can be to a poor person. and even without the charge, being harassed by both civilians and cops who will demand that you prove your gender is traumatizing and humiliating. even though this law does in fact only extend to buildings that are publicly funded (such as government offices, schools, possibly the salt lake city airport,) this will also embolden transphobes to harass trans people in other places. make no mistake, this law is violence.

additionally, the law also can give out charges of lewdness and voyeurism, both of which are sex crimes. being placed on the sex offender registry can be DEVASTATING for a person's job opportunities, ability to find housing, and basic rights to privacy. in addition to the already devastating housing and employment issues faced by ex-convicts, this would make life practically unlivable for anyone convicted.

I'll emphasize again that this endangers the trans community, particularly the transfem community, but I am also scared for black women, gnc people, and intersex people, all of whom are also vulnerable to gender policing and gender-based harassment. I am terrified at how openly this law gives leeway for civilians to act as vigilantes and for cops to demand to know what a person's genitals look like. I am terrified at the escalation of hate crimes and harassment that this will likely prompt.

please show up for the utah trans community. in the next few days, I will put together a list of trans people's gofundmes in the state. I would appreciate it if you would share that as well. chances are, we're going to need a lot of financial help in the future, especially if some of us end up choosing to flee the state.

as always, death to the american police state and all it enables.

#narrates #in other news my fiancees and i are considering moving to colorado now

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pass1onepr1ncess · 4 months

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NSFW Topic Warning

Stark contrast from the posts I usually make, but this one's gonna have NSFW topics because I'm pissed off about things so be warned.

It's really been getting under my skin lately that non-fetishized lesbian porn made for and by other lesbians is SO hard to find. Another alter in the system, his name is Milo, is a stricly gay trans man and it's SO EASY for him to find content when he wants it. Even gay porn of trans men! But the second I go looking for lesbian porn, all I can find is straight women being sexy at a camera for straight men to fetishize. And I can tell because there is such a wide difference between the framing and videography and tones of fetishistic "#lesbian" content and actual sapphic content and the former just makes me feel so gross. I don't want to be fetishized, I just want to be horny!

I refuse to use PH partly because of the fetishization but mostly because of the mass exploitation and abuse that happens on there that goes completely unreported and unpunished not just of adult sex workers but also of children and teens that shouldn't be on camera in the first place. I normally use Twitter, but that's where my problem lies in trying to find decent content! I managed to find a singular good account, but not only is all of their content just the same maybe 7-10 videos reposted every month so there's NOTHING new, but they also repost straight content and while that's not, like, a bad thing I just want to be a lesbian in peace!! Without straight people!!

I vented these frustrations with a friend recently and he recommended a BDSM site but the thing is I'm not really into BDSM. I'm not looking for kinky stuff like that- not that anything's wrong with it. BDSM is genuinely one of the healthiest lifestyles I know of when done correctly- I literally just want vanilla lesbian porn made by lesbians for other lesbians! And for some reason, that's so much to fucking ask for!

I think the part of all this that really ticks me off is that content of gay men is so accessible. I can't even count the amount of accounts on twitter who are all gay men (cis AND trans men) making exclusively gay content for other gay men, but the fact that I can't even find ONE good account for lesbian content? It pisses me off!

In all the strides we've made in being a more accepting society of LGBTQ+, why the fuck is it so hard to find stuff like this? Why do the queer men get to have a good time, but I'm struggling to find ONE good source of exclusively sapphic content? Not to say that queer men have it easy, we're all struggling in the same boat don't get me wrong. But it just sucks that the sapphic side of the boat still has a good amount more water in it than the boys' side.

All of this in addition with the stereotypes? The whole thing of people expecting sapphic relationships to be a masculine, woodworking, flannel wearing butch and a dainty, nails and makeup, princess-like femme when there is SO much more than that! Butch4Butch lesbians I love you so much, Femme4Femme lesbians you are doing SO great sweetie. Lesbians who don't really fall into either category, you are incredible! Nonbinary lesbians, you're amazing and keep up the good work! Transbians, you are the bravest fucking people on the planet and I hope you get to fight God one day because you WILL win and you deserve that W.

Not to mention the weird purity culture involved with other queer people trying to palette us for straight people? Saying that lesbians as a whole are soft and nice and pretty? Girl, we're not all coquette and Lana Del Rey. Some of us are, sure, but there is literally no way to try and market lesbians to heteronormative society in a little bow because we don't all fit in one box! And yes, lesbians have sex! It's not all soft romance and cuddling and holding hands on cafe dates. Just like literally every and any other kind of couple, while there's still romance and cutesy moments we still get horny and worked up like literally any other person on earth (Other than asexuals. Not all of you, of course. Shout out to asexuals who still have sex, I see you and you are loved). And what happens when we do? We fuck! We have hot lesbian sex and it's great!

Also, might I add that it's really misogynistic to try and label lesbians as this group of pure, innocent, soft and fluffy group of women who couldn't possibly have a sex drive! Or on the other hand, saying that all lesbians are horndogs who can't keep themselves off each other- because I've seen that one, too! I hate being labeled like this, why is it SO HARD for people to just accept that lesbians are literally just people. We're just like everyone else- the ONLY thing different is that we don't wanna be romantically or sexually involved with men. That is IT!!!!!

And in terms of the lack of good sapphic content, it also goes beyong porn! Literally every sapphic show I've seen released in the past few years has been cancelled after ONE season and then a lot of it just gets deleted entirely so that one season isn't even available anymore!! But the you have Heartstoppers and Love, Simon and I just! I'm happy that we as a community have fought hard enough to have these things. I'm not trying to drive a wedge between the achillean and sapphic communities. I just wish us sapphics got the same treatment as the men do.

I love being a lesbian, don't get me wrong. But sometimes I am exhausted from being overlooked. From being glanced over and shoved into a box that I nor anyone else in that box fits into. I want to be a lesbian in peace.

#lesbian #sapphic #wlw #women loving women #rant post #Im angry and Im a lesbian and Im fucking fed up #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq community #queer #queer community

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sazandorable · 4 years

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About moderating and banning content on AO3!

Okay so! I haven’t had the spoons to do this for a while but I cracked and ranted about it on twitter which is... not... conducive to long rants, so!

This is a h u g e discussion part of the l o n g history that led to the creation of AO3, which older, more informed, and more articulate people have talked about at length and can be found around if you look (I reblog some of it in my AO3 and fandom history tags for the curious). So I won’t go into that here, nor into the practical reasons why it’s not even possible to put that system in place anyway.

Arbitrarily, or the purpose of this post, because it’s the biggest topic I’ve seen brought up lately, I’ll be talking about fic depicting underage characters in se*ual situations, but honestly I could hold the exact same conversation on literally any controversial content.

This is about why you, specifically, if you are a content creator and especially if you are marginalised and especially if you are queer and especially especially if you are sensitive to fiction depicting certain things... do not, actually, want a banning system on AO3.

What? Of course we do. There’s a lot of p*do shit on AO3 and p*do shit is gross. No one should condone that, wtf? It would be easy to do — just periodically delete the entire Underage tag!

What will happen if that is done is that people will re-upload and continue to write it, they’ll just stop tagging and you will run into it with zero warning nor ability to filter it out. Again, this is not a theoretical — we know this is what happens. When I was a teen, adult content (all adult content) was not allowed on FF.NET; it was everywhere regardless, and without tags. The exact same thing happened on tumblr when adult content was banned as well. It’s not a matter of “staff not handling it well” — it just doesn’t work.

To keep safe the people who need to be able to exclude that tag, that tag needs to exist and be used.

Well, shucks. A reporting system then?

A reporting system would operate in one of two ways:

-an algorithm, which would delete a lot of stuff we wouldn’t want it to delete.

-humans, which is... the bigger problem.

An algorithm sounds great. We do want it to delete everything.

Okay. What about the daddy k*nk fics between consenting adult characters? What about the fics featuring characters that are children in the canon but are adults in the fic? What about the fics about teenagers exploring their se*uality together, written by adults about the experiences they remember having or wish they could have had? What about the thousands of SasuNaru and Drarry and other shounen and YA fics that will get written, by teens or by people who remember being teens? What about the se*ually explicit fic written by teens who are se*ually active in real life? What about the fics about CSA as trauma, about healing from it? What about the fics written by survivors of CSA to cope about their trauma? What about the fics that clearly show that it’s evil and traumatic? What about the super dark, harrowing, but beautiful and artistic that I’m glad I read even though it fucked me up for days? What about the ones that were really shitty but also horribly hot?

Well, some of these are still not okay, but maybe some might be. It depends on how it’s written. We’ll have humans moderating content and deciding, then.

Okay.

The thing is, I don’t know which of the things I just listed were okay for you to be depicted in fiction and which were too much. Odds are I don’t agree with you. Odds are if I asked 10 people randomly picked off the street, not everyone would agree.

Odds are, even if AO3 arbitrarily decided on which of those are allowed and which are not, you would not agree with their choice, and you would still be unhappy with the decision. (Or you would be happy, but your friends wouldn’t.)

Odds are, different AO3 content moderators might not agree on whether a given fic qualifies or not — is it artistic enough? Does it show enough that these actions are evil and wrong? Can the author prove they’re a teenager? Can the author prove they are a CSA victim? Can the author prove that this is to help them cope with their trauma? The author seem to be functioning alright, they mustn’t really be traumatised!

You know what I mean! There’s absolute, objectively gross shit out there that is not artistic and should not be published.

I agree that there’s vile stuff out there that makes me sick and that I think is very clearly just ped*philic trash. But there is no way to, 1) stop those from getting published anyway, 2) take those down and preserve the safety of everything else.

If we start forbidding some things, there’s two ways to go about it.

One single, clear, arbitrary rule — for instance, absolutely no adult content featuring characters under 18 (leaving aside the fact that this would not even work for the reason cited above). So we lose all the stuff from teenagers, all the coming of age stories about adolescence, all the stuff from CSA survivors; people who need to write it can’t publish it anymore, and people who need to read it can’t anymore either (and as a cool bonus, they’re told it’s wrong and made to feel bad about it). Depending on whether the rules applies to characters that are under 18 in the canon, we lose entire fandoms.

Or, subjective moderation by humans, according to what they estimate to be gross.

Let’s assume all moderators can agree on what’s gross or not.

If there is a system in place to ban some underage works because “gross shit”, then that means other gross stuff can be taken down on account of being gross and harmful.

Yeah! Gross stuff should be taken down! Come on, surely everyone agrees on what’s gross and harmful.

Ah.

But the problem is.

Here is a list of things I have seen — with my eyes seen — called harmful to be depicted in fiction:

Murder

Non-con

Inc*st

Cannibalism

Torture

Self-harm

Mental illness

Drugs

Racism

K*nk

Non-negotiated k*nk, but healthy k*nk is ok

Spanking k*nk

BDSM where the woman is a bottom, but woman top is ok

Healthy depictions of BDSM

Unhealthy depictions of BDSM

Queer people doing bad things

Abusive relationships

Rival/Enemies to lovers

Redemption stories

A happy relationship between a 17 yo and an 18 yo

A happy relationship between a 20 yo and a 60 yo

A happy relationship between a boss and their employee, or a college teacher and a student

A happy relationship between a 14 yo boy and an older teenage boy, because that’s reminiscent of older men preying on younger gay boys IRL

Se*ual content featuring a character whose age is unclear in canon and some people headcanon them as being underage, some as being a young adult

Loving, consensual fluff between characters that are evil villains, because it romanticises them and their actions

Dark content shipping female characters

Fluffy content shipping female characters, because it’s misogynistic to act like lesbians are only soft all the time

Consensual s*x featuring a canonically asexual character, because it implies that all aces can and should still have se*

Fics about the same canonically asexual character hating s*x, because that erases the experience of s*x-positive aces

Shipping a character who is perceived by some fans as queer-coded with a character of a different s*x

The tendency to ship a black character with white characters

Fluffy drunk s*x, because that’s not actually consensual

Sleep s*x, because that’s not actually consensual

Trans characters not experiencing dysphoria, because that idealises the trans experience

Consensual s*x between adults that are not married

LGBT+ content, because kids shouldn’t see that.

I guarantee you: you, I, and 10 random people plucked from the street will not agree on what, in that list, is and isn’t okay to publish and consume fiction of.

So why should your taste be the one followed? Why should it be the taste of mods you don’t know? Why should anyone get to dictate? What if the mods think your OTP is gross and your NOTP is fine?

This is the slippery slope argument.

Yes, it is the slippery slope argument. Because we know it happens. Because we’ve been there, because I’ve seen it happen myself twice already and I’m not even thirty. Because we know people do complain loudly about all of these things.

And because the second there is a banning system in place, assholes will use the system to abuse it and get stuff they just don’t like taken down using the “it is gross” argument, and one day you’ll wake up and the beautiful fic that helped you come to terms with your abuse/trauma/identity/orientation/k*nk for feet will be taken down and wonderful vulnerable creative people will have been harassed out of fandom because they argued with 1 person who didn’t like their foot k*nk fic that happened to also feature, for instance, a CSA trauma backstory.

Again: not exaggerating. Not theoretical. It happens, we know it happens, AO3 was created literally because it happens.

I still fucking hate that stuff.

That is completely fine and normal. No one likes everything. Me too! Most of the dark stuff is niche and the creators know only few people will like it the same way they do.

(For the record, I get grossed out and triggered by fics about an asexual character who does not like s*x having s*x with their partner to make them happy. Deep in my gut everything screams that that’s fucked up, terrifying and harmful, how can people write that. But I recognise that there are people who love and need that, and I leave those people and their content alone.

OTOH, I read a lot of otherwise dark shit and I enjoy it in the same way I enjoyed, say, Hannibal, in the same way some people enjoy true crime documentaries, horror movies or r*pe fantasy k*nk. It helps me explore stuff that I like to see in fiction, in a safe, controlled way. I’m also asexual, 90% s*x-repulsed IRL, and, obviously, I would never abuse a child. For that matter, I wouldn’t kill and eat people, either, nor would I do 90% of the tamer k*nky stuff I read.

Of course, Hannibal was fucked up and lots of people probably think Hannibal was gross and should not have been aired — but as exemplified by the fact that it was created, aired and watched, lots of people thought it was fine, interesting and even fun to watch.)

You can and should curate your experience and protect yourself. The AO3 website now allows you to exclude certain tags, and people have developed tools to help with that such as plugins that save your filters or hide fics that contain certain words.

But no, it isn’t going to, and it shouldn’t, get banned.

#ao3 #fandom history #aaaaand that's all im going to tag

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the-floof-king · 3 years

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Hi! I’m Kain, a real, actual Ogerpon. This is my “mane” blog.

Minorn’t (20). Neurotypicaln’t. Cisn’t. Graight. Proud Disney adult. My pronouns are he/him. Single but not currently looking. I’m a big fat furry and if you have a problem with that the door is that way.

Want some art? Check out my commissions! Starting at just $5!

Also check out my LGBTQ+ novel series, Gaelwolf Emperor! I’m still working on it and haven’t put much of the story there yet (aside from book 1’s prologue) but the website is gaelwolfemperor.neocities.org!

(Keep reading for DNI, socials and more.)

Socials:

-My Discord tag is TheLionThing#3395

-My Fur Affinity (note: my FA contains NSFW art but you must be logged in, over 18 and have mature/adult content turned on to view that)

-My Pesterchum/Trollian is thunderCarnivore

-My Twitch

Past URL’s:

ijustreallylovelions

trans--jevil

fat-jevil

(Defo had more but I forgot them lol)

DNI:

-normal dni criteria (creeps and bigots)

-“proshippers”/“anti-antis”

-if you partake in any sort of lgbtq+ identity policing/gatekeeping. (maps and zoophiles are not lgbtq+)

-if you’re anti-furry, especially just to be edgy/for attention

-zoophiles and other gross shit

Notes:

If you are a minor, I implore you to filter “#cubs don’t look”. My blog does not contain explicit pornography as per Tumblr rules, but it does have some dirty jokes and whatnot.

I don’t do identity policing. This means mspec discourse, bi vs pan, neopronoun discourse, etc. Conservatives want all queer people dead and playing pick-me with them isn’t going to make them spare you.

I’m a singlet so it’s not my place to speak on endo discourse. Again, I like/rb unrelated things from those on either side, block if that bothers you. I still support systems in general, I will still respect how you ID!

I support all ships EXCEPT illegal ones.

If I think you are a porn bot I will block you. (This means you, empty profiles.)

If you have your Hogwarts house in your profile I will block you

I just block anyone who gives me bad vibes.

If under 15 you may interact but ask to follow (if you were already following me before 5 July 2021 you need not ask, you can keep following c:)

No more anons. Ever. If you want to say stupid transphobic shit then don’t hide behind a mask like a coward. If you’re really that inclined then say it to my face.

Ask to message if over 25. Nothing against you, just a comfort thing.

Triggers I’d like mutuals to tag: mentions of gross ships like zu/ce/st, gifs/videos of lightning flashing (still images ok), audio of crying, realistic or fairly realistic cervine (deer, elk, moose etc) death (this includes the meme with the deer in the pool), anything relating to nuclear warfare/strikes, the book and movie of mice and men, toys with blood on them, the pop cat meme audio (pictures/gifs are fine, it’s just the sound that bothers me), and any movie/show involving children dying or almost dying from medical issues (i.e. miracles from heaven, heaven is for real, some episodes of greys anatomy). I know it’s a lot, so my catchall is #notsafeforlions.

Also, the following are not triggers, but please tag and/or use the catchall tag for Steven Universe spoilers, She-Ra spoilers and Doki-Doki Literature Club spoilers. This probably sounds really weird but I also really hate the word “condone” so please use the catchall tag for that too.

Vent tag is “#roaring into the void”.

I’ll tag anything you want me to tag, just send an ask.

#long post #nav:#gaelwolf emperor #art of lion #ocs of lion #writings of lion #memez #random roars #roaring into the void #salty on mane #disney on mane #trans on mane #me

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bestnoncannonship · 3 years

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I'm drowning in the gender sandbox guys.

I am agender. At least....I think I am. It's the closest to what I'm feeling. In that I really do not have an attachment to any gender and cannot conceive how people identify with a gender. Like....they just FEEL a gender? All the time? No matter what they look like and what they're wearing they FEEL a gender?? Whaaaa??? Sounds hella fake but okay.

And now I'm gonna talk about that and my experience for a while, in a series of ways that's probably gonna get the gender and sexuality neo-puritans to come yell at me for not being ritually pure enough in the way I talk but.....I'm talking from my own brain, baby. This is the toolkit I'm packing right now and the world I live in and I just need to spit it out. Maybe see if it resonates with people who know more than me. I don't know. Help.

I didn't question being a woman for the longest time. I grew up in a rural area culturally dominated by "Christians" (Not Catholics. I was Catholic. That comes with a whole different set of religious traumas pre-installed. I mean the ScAaRy protestent and nondenom Christians.) You didn't question anything. Not an adults orders. Not authority. Certainly not straightness. Gender was biological. I'd never heard of a trans person. There were rumors of Gays™. For most of my life it was just "Gender is the meat suit you got stuck with, right? I got stuck with this meat suit so it's my gender, I guess." And when I finally left the middle-o-nowhere for Le Citè and I met some (mostly bianary) trans people I was like "OH! OKAY!! Having strong feelings about being in the wrong meat suit can make a gender!" And the non bianaries that I met were still playing on that bianary scale. The "bit of boths" and the "different genders for different days" varieties. They has strange attachments to genders. And the whole retoric of "Questioning your gender and feeling things about you gender is the indicator that you might be trans!!" Just furthered my feeling that I must just be female by default cause like.....I didn't question anything. I didn't think about gender. I had a COMPLETE lack of feelings about gender whatsoever and that was normal, right?? Just meat suit gender. I certainly didn't have a strong feeling about wanting to be the opposite: *gag* a man?? A straight white man? Nope! I have no desire to be a bianary man and frankly I find 99 percent of men and male culture traumatic. So I must just be meat-suit gender.

And yes, I wanted to scrape my breasts and hips and thighs off with a cheese grater. But I wrote that off as a symptom of having started putting a finger down my throat after meals when I was 6 and having a family that forced hour upon hour exercise with their thighs and tummies wrapped in saran wrap and sang "I don't love her! She's too fat for me!" to a literal toddler and put that same toddler in oversized clothes to hide the healthy baby squish that toddlers HAVE. OF COURSE I wanted to die when my breasts grew in and my hips and thighs filled out. They were evil fat deposits. And they meant nothing but unwanted attention from yucky men. (Lesbianism to be discovered some 15 years later. My comphets we're almost as bad as my compgenders.) It had nothing to do with gender. Gender is just the meat suit ....and I already hated the meat suit by the time I had breast buds, they just enhanced a disgust that I thought was normal by then. Everyone kind of hates their meat suit, right?? Yes I wanted to look like men sometimes.....but they were skinny heroin chic men. I also wanted to look like kate moss. I wanted to look like a sideways door but my family is Italian and we have hips and thighs. It's just the meat suit I was assigned. Just have to learn to deal with it and dress it in the way that it looks most socially acceptable and get on with life. And my meat suit had a very gendered look, even in the deepest throws of my illness. "All woman." "The curves of a real woman." So that was just the hand I was dealt. Like having a hard to match foundation undertone. You don't gotta like it, it's just reality. Yes, I wanted to wear nothing but waistcoats and gay vampire clothes but they weren't cut for my body type so *shrug*.

Did I start to have way too much fun cosplaying and embodying male characters? Yes. But that was just identifying with characters. I'd always identified with characters. Did I still distinctly identify with the character's gender, even when I femmed the costume to avoid the hellish pain of binding? Yes. Did it make me feel weird when people referred to my Thor as a woman, even though it was technically a femme? Yes. But that was just feminism. Heroes don't need to be called girl heroes. No gender issues here!! Besides it's not weird in fandom circles to stongly identify with people across gender lines. The fact that I found the gendernope option if there was one available in the fandom and *attached* was surely just coincidental. Right??

Did I absolutely loose my mcfreaking mind when the gyno started talking about having to take my uterus away because the amount of blood it was loosing was doing irreparable harm to my body? Yes. My gender is my meat suit. When you take it away....what am I???? A *gag* man??? Nothing at all?? Am I still even human?? If I am not *gag* male and you take away the female part of the meat suit am I an aphid? A plant? A chair? But I was comforted by a chorus of voices saying "No!! You're a WOMAN. Infertility doesn't make you not a woman! You still have a woman's body!! Because you're a woman!!! Just look at you in your skirts and with your long hair!! You're a woman!!!" So.....still a woman, I guess. Because I still LOOKED like one. Gender = the PRESENTATION of the meat suit. That made sense. The structure of my meat suit made me limited to woman-presentation. So I was woman.

Then, it was the stupidest thing, I was talking to the other half of my life on the 4/5 train on the way to a friend's house about HER issues with gender presentation and the amount of attention to detail it takes to be socially acceptable as female and she said "You just know you're a girl. Like if they just picked you up and put you in a robot body you'd be a girl?" And I was like "......no? I'd be a robot?????" "But you'd still feel like a girl???" "No.....I'd feel like a ROBOT." "BUT you'd still like hear she/her and identify with those???" "No. I'd probably identify more with It/it's because that's what I'd be. A ROBOT!" And she's like "But what if your brain got transplanted into a boy body???" "Then I'd be a boy." "But what would you feel like?" "A BOY?" "Okay but what if you had a very neutral body with like no genitals? What would you feel like then??" "I mean....then it would depend on how I'm dressed. I'd feel like what I was dressed like." And we went around like this till she surmised that my entire relationship to gender was basically "You are what you look like." Which is apparently NOT how people relate to their own gender. They "feel" it somehow?? (I genuinely thought "FEELING" like a gender was what made trans people.) I feel nothing. I identify with a lot of things and ZERO of them are a gender. I thought that was normal. I thought that was the default. Apparently it's not. And then if you ask me what I want to be.....I can't answer. I really don't want to be a gender. I guess I want to be able to put different genders on at my will, like outfits, for societal convenience. But I don't "identify" with any of them. Hell, I have sweaters I identify with more than any particular gender. But there aren't really systems in place for describing and portraying that.

Gender.exe was not installed.

I did a lot of research. Agender felt closest. I actually felt closest to a Good Omens meme about Aziraphale describing his gender as "No, thank you!" That's what I feel like. But all the agender folks were vibing that moment. So I joined 'em. I am aware that puts me under the trans umbrella, but I don't really identify with that word. I don't feel like there's any transition. Any changing. Can't change what was never there. Also I feel like it's for people who....CAN present as their gender. I would be seen as an invader in those spaces. Its not bad enough to justify being in those spaces. I can live with being gendered. I just don't have one.

In the society we live in one cannot present as "not a gender". Someone with MY body definitely cannot present as "not a gender". The clothes that they make in size "giant human with planet tits" are agressively gendered. And even in a binder.....they're still REALLY there. (Yes, a reduction is desirable but I don't have reduction money.....and you can't reduce the fact that I'm the bowl shaped robust extreme female hipbone they use in Forensic Anthropology textbooks.) It is what it is. My body will always be perceived the way it's perceived. And frankly a lot of what we perceive as genderless is just "skinny body in masc style with short hair and makeup". That's not really want I want. I don't want to cut off my hair. It's my one really good feature and I've worked hard to grow out these Valkyrie worthy lengths. Mens clothes are so limiting. And there are no gender: no thank you clothes. (One well meaning friend kept trying to send me "genderless" clothes......but it was all rail thin afabs in mens clothes with short hair and heavy makeup. That's not looking genderless. That's just being skinny.) Gender no thank you presentation is very tied to short hair and thin bodies. So I've accepted that I don't get to play in the gender sandbox outside of the privacy of my own mind. It's a societal flaw. But whatever.

But pronouns are starting to really bother me. Everyone is so into them and identifying with them. And like.....I don't get it. I don't get the joy. I don't think I've found the one. Like.....I'm used to she. I will always be read as she. I will always be Miss and Ma'am in stores and restraunts. So I just kind of roll with it. I don't hate it. I don't like it. It's just a thing that I have to have to exist in society. Like a social security number. I actually think I identify with my social security number more. There's no point in making myself uncomfortable with something that's just going to be a part of my life. And I don't want to be the kind of person who expects people to address me by a pronoun they can't see and aren't used to. It's too much to ask of the average citizen of a gendered society to go through that much gender theory for just me. So "she" is an inevitable part of my life. And He....well ......I don't hate it. I dont like it. It's just there. I certainly don't get called it. And I'm not capable of presenting it well enough for this to be relevant. Now they......fuck I HATE they. I hate that it's the acceptable pronoun for anyone not bianary male or female. It just rubs me the wrong way. When people refer to me as they, I feel like they're referring to me and the host of mental illnesses I carry around and you don't have permission to address those troops thank you very much. They causes a genuine squick. But it's kinda the only widely acceptable option. I kinda like "it". I VIBE with it. It feels good. Unfortunately the people in my life have a certain reluctance about calling me it as they believe that happy vibe around a traditionally dehumanizing pronoun may be a trauma symptom. They might be right so I'm tabling "it" till I find a good therapist. Also...I cannot ask strangers to call me it. I don't have the confidence it takes to explain why and I frankly don't want to be faced with the criticism and questions I would face because I am unable to make my body be perceived as Nonbinary. I don't have the confidence or conviction to face that every day forever. Ditto neopronouns. I also haven't found one that I vibe with at all yet.

And queer labels get harder when you pull away from gender entirely. Like ... I am a Lesbian. I am solely attracted to women. But now I'm getting a lot of "You can't be a lesbian if you don't have a gender!!!" And like ...can I??? I like being a lesbian. It feels right. It conveys what I want it to convey. I like the exclusion of men entirely, after being taught to structure my life around men. I have a kinship with womanhood. It's where I was raised. It's how people see me. I just don't identify with it. It's not how I see myself. I guess that can kind of exclude me from the label? All of our terms are defined by being attracted to "your own gender" or "the opposite gender" or "both your own gender and other genders" and like ... I don't have a gender. And the opposite of nothing is....?? Fuck if I know? So what term am I allowed to use? I love queer for exactly this reason. But it just doesn't have the same clarity that lesbian does.

So I'm just kind of in a hole rn. Grappling with the fact that I really don't have a gender in a gendered world, and dealing with the fact that so much of our understanding and acceptance of gender is about presentation, a door closed to my body. I don't have the confidence or the spoons or the knowledge or the experience to fight this fight. The path of least resistance is sticking my head back into the sand and going with straightforward womanhood....but now it feels like I'm lying. I feel like an intruder in woman's spaces. And I can't go in men's spaces, they see me as....well...a woman. Lesser.

Someone out there who's better at the genders please help.

#agender #gender crisis #gender identity #gender problems #pronouns #nonbinary #enby #nb #non bianry #agender lesbian #nonbinary lesbian

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libraryleopard · 3 years

Text

September reads!

I read a fair amount in September because I was on break from college

Inferno by Chris Claremont and Louise Simonson. Honestly an absolute BANGER of a superhero comics cross-over, they don’t make them like this anymore. Madelyne and Illyana are such interesting characters. This comic is literally Medea but with superheroes.

Marvel’s Voice: Pride. Lord knows that mainstream superhero comics are not the best place to seek out LGBTQ+ representation, but I liked this for the most part. Happy that Karma finally got a gf, had many emotions over the Iceman story, absolutely support Mystique and Destiny the murder wives.

DC Pride (2021). I don’t know as much about DC comics, but I still enjoyed this a fair amount–the Batwoman story was great, the Midnighter and Extraño story was pleasantly bonkers, and it’s nice to see the DC comics has some trans superheroes.

Sabriel by Garth Nix. I can’t believe I never read this as a kid, I really missed out?! (I read Lirael for some reason, but not this.) I really enjoyed the magic system and Moggett the snarky cat demon, definitely going to continue this series now that Iv’e read the first one.

Batman: Under the Red Hood by Judd Winick. Okay, listen…I don’t really read Batman comics but my sister convinced me to read this and it was…kinda really interesting? Jason Todd makes me sad. (Also the topic of a future podcast episode.)

Hellions vol. 1 by Zeb Wells. Continuing my quest to read my way through current X-Men comics. Love the Kwannon is getting a leading role and that Madelyne Pryor is back, the cast of characters is wild and interesting, however I can’t believe how much they whitewashed Jetstream in that first issue and I dearly wish Kwannon could get a better costume. Will probably continue reading this to understand the anguish my sister seems to be constantly feeling over Kwannon and John, though.

Rise to the Sun by Leah Johnson. Loved Leah Johnson’s debut novel but this didn’t quite hit the spot in the same way, though I did enjoy the music festival setting. (Imani deserves better…)

Suicide Squad: Bad Blood by Tom Taylor. I have never read any SS comics before, but this was fun! I enjoyed the line-up of new, diverse characters with fun powers (Wink and the Aerie <3), hope they’ve turned up in other stuff.

Gotham Academy vol. 1-1 by Becky Cloonan, Brenden Fletcher, and others. Reread this comic, which I still loved (fun spooky mysteries, great art, love thee characters), though upon reread the ending feels a little rushed and the Yearbook arc is not my favorite. This would make an amazinggg animated show, though. Also read the Lumberjanes/Gotham Academy cross-over.

Perfect on Paper by Sophie Gonzales. Rom com about a bisexual girl who runs an anonymous advice column. I really liked this, it was very readable and I thought the character work and insight into relationships was well-done!

A Wizard’s Guide to Defensive Baking by T. Kingfisher. Sooooo delightful, this author never misses. A fantasy novel that’s both whimsical and kind of dark, very fun uses of bread magic. (Also the topic of a future podcast episode.)

Secret Wars by Jonathan Hickman. Sometimes you read confusing comics for fanfic-writing purposes, okay?

Odd Spirits by S.T. Gibson. Urban fantasy novel about a magician and a witch navigating their marriage. Liked the writing and the everyday magical world-building, wish it had been a little longer so as to deal with the storyline about biphobia that emerged near the end. I would still read more in this universe, though!

Original Sin: Thor & Loki: The Tenth Realm by Al Ewing. Sometimes you read comics for fanfic-writing purposes, okay? Also Loki said genderfluid rights.

Sunshine by Robin McKinley. Adult urban fantasy about a magical baker who gets kidnapped by vampires. This was interesting–very dense narration and world-building, interesting creepy vampires, but left a lot of loose threads left hanging.

Jack of Hearts and Other Parts by L.C. Rosen. Young adult contemporary novel about a gay high schooler who runs a sex advice column and starts being stalked by an anonymous hater. I had a bit of a rough time getting into this, but I liked the advice column aspect and it’s an interesting look at how far discussions of sexuality have come in YA books.

#long post #lulu reads #lulu speaks #books

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the-worst-fe-player · 3 years

Text

Considering there is now 5 of us here is an intro post of everyone for context if you are reading this I have DID and are a system while this blog is mine (Alex) the others sometimes front so here is an intro of all of us (under the cut) edit= also forgot to say body is 18 it was born on November 23rd 2002

name = Alex

Role = host (meaning I front the most)

Age = 16-18 (still not sure)

Pronouns = he/him

Sexuality = gay

Likes = video games especially jrpg (fe persona smt etc) video editing, Greek mythology

Dislikes = loud noises, public spaces/speaking (irl I’m pretty much mute) and arguments

Tag emoji for when I make a post = 🎮

Name = Chloe

Role = caretaker meaning I look after the emotional needs on those in the system and often the one to try and sort out any problems

Age = 20

Pronouns = she/they/he tho I rarely use he I sometimes do

Sexuality = lesbian

Likes = genshin Impact, true crime, horror, alt fashion

Dislikes = idk I don’t really dislike much sport sucks and people that are ignorant and just rude

Tag emoji = 🌺

Name = Bun!

Role = bun is the little and bun also holds a lot of memmyrs of things that happen to body when we were all little

Age = 6!!!!

Pronouns = Bun like she and they pronouns others are good to but not he that stinky

Likes = bunny’s (that were bun got name) pink hello kitty farms flowers clourling in swimming and lot more!

Dislike = old men that nobody in system knows men are scary and they hurt bun :,( also chickens there scary I also hate fish fingrues they taste bad and bad memerys with them also alcohol

Emoji = 🩰

Name = Satan

Age = ? I’m an adult though

Role = protecter I keep the body safe from the outside

Pronouns = he/him

Sexuality = bi and ace

Extra info = I’m what they call a fictive that means when the brain sees a person or character it thinks can help the system an alter is created like that I was created in a high tension moment and I am a fictive of the character Satan from obey me no I am not the character no I do not see myself as an avatar of wrath I am my own person just the brain saw him and took a lot of his personality when making me

Likes = cats, books, fucking around with people I hate

Dislikes = Chloe, people that try to harm the system and also those who sexualise me

Emoji = 📚

Name = luke

Age = 14

Role = idk we haven’t worked out yet hopefully something good tho

Pronouns = they/he this could change tho but I’m not a girl that’s all I know

Sexuality = straight but I’m t4t tho so I’m only into trans women

Likes = football the proper one not that American shit also I support Manchester United, tits Ig idk I’m to new for this

Dislikes = idk I’m to new to know lol

Emoji ⚽️

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nerdygaymormon · 4 years

Note

what do you think about the new handbook?

In January 2016 I received a calling that gave me access to the Church’s Handbooks and I was surprised at the amount of specific things in there on which I had never considered the Church having an official position. I imagine a lot of people are having that experience this week.

I’m glad the Church made the Handbook available to everyone, it’s a move towards transparency. Before this, people were being held to standards or facing processes that only their leaders could access.

I appreciate that in some areas there’s better framework and clarity, but am sad that it often came in the form of being more restrictive or not in line with modern science.

I’m going to outline the changes and add a few comments. ’ll put my opinion about all of this at the end, so if that’s what you want to see, scroll to the bottom.

—————————————————————

Miscellaneous

The Handbook covers a lot of information, so I’m certain in the days and weeks ahead more new things will be discovered. But for now, here’s some assorted policies.

Sacrament

We’re supposed to take the Sacrament with our right hands

The wording that young men are encouraged, but not required, to wear a white shirt and tie is gone. All males who pass the Sacrament are asked to be clean and well groomed.

For a long time, which hand to use has been considered a personal choice, and some associated special meaning by using their right hand.

In February 2019, Elder Oaks saw some youth take the Sacrament with the left hand and he gave a short lecture that went viral telling these kids they were wrong, and now it’s official policy in the Handbook.

Dress Standards

The Relief Society Presidency is to teach dress standards to the sisters so their appearance and clothing show reverence and respect at Church and at the temple.

These are adult women!!! They can’t figure this out for themselves? It mentions ostentatious jewelry and casual clothes without any examples of what this means. I’m afraid some leaders will enforce their personal opinions, such as pants are verboten.

Also this section included a comment about ostentatious jewelry. What is that? Having 2 earrings in 1 ear?

—————————————————————

Discipline

Disciplinary councils have been renamed “Membership Councils”

People no longer are disfellowshipped or excommunicated. They have “formal membership restrictions” or “withdrawal of membership”

Does away with the unequal disciplinary structure for adult men vs adult women.

Before, men who were endowed had a disciplinary council at the stake level. Everyone else had a disciplinary council held by their bishopric.

Now anyone who is endowed and likely to have their Church membership withdrawn will have a stake membership council. Everyone else has a ward membership council for serious sins & actions

At the ward level, membership councils still function the same (the bishopric holds a council with the person whose membership is at risk).

At the stake level, the council now is similar to the way it works at the ward level (the stake presidency meets, without the high council also being involved).

The individual’s bishops can sit in on the council. The individual can also choose for the Elders Quorum or Relief Society President to sit in on the council.

Same-sex marriage is no longer apostasy

Apostasy has been removed from a list of reasons to hold a membership council. Instead it is on a case-by-case basis.

The stake president can place informal membership restrictions on the person and the stake president counsels with the Area Presidency (which are Seventy) about anything more than that, such as a membership council

The language is softer but the results are the same.

I like that men & women are treated equally in this new system. It always struck me wrong that most men in the church automatically had a council of 15 men and women had 3 men.

The reversal of the 2015 Policy of Exclusion finally made it to the Handbook.

—————————————————————

Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Same-Sex Attracted

Families & members should be sensitive, love and respectful of people who are gay, lesbian & bi

Sexual activity with someone of the same gender is on the same level as an unmarried sex.

Membership councils are optional in these cases, based on the leader’s discretion.

As long as an LGBTQ member is “striving” to live the law of chastity, they’re allowed to hold a calling and temple recommend

“Sexual cohabitation” used to be forbidden, now it’s “cohabitation”. So I guess gay people living together is a problem regardless of whether they have sex. I do know of a few couples who live together, but have given up sex in order to be temple worthy. I guess that’s no longer an option.

The mormonandgay website was done away with and some of the items moved to a new page titled “Same-Sex Attraction.”

Most of the links on this new page don’t work. I’m sure this will get fixed

Most of the “resources” from the old page aren’t on the new page.

The last 4 video stories of members from the former site are on the new site.

Credit for finally making this page available in languages other than English.

I wonder if it will still say it’s okay to identify using the terms gay, bi or lesbian.I know President Oaks prefers the phrase “same-sex attraction” and a lot of his influence is seen in the new Handbook changes.

The best section of the previous site was a collection of 17 members who are gay, bi and lesbian (well, 2 of them are parents of gay kids). Hearing them tell their story in their own words was powerful. Most of them have asked for their video to be removed.

The only stories remaining are 2 people in a mixed-orientation marriage and 2 parents who have a gay son. Each of those 4 members now has multiple videos (Laurie, Laurie’s husband, Laurie’s bishop, Laurie’s friend).

The experience of most LGB people in the Church is now absent from this page, which again confirms for me that this has been a site for leaders & family, not actual members who are bisexual, lesbian or gay.

—————————————————————

Transgender

Preferred names can be noted in your membership record and Church leaders are encouraged to use them.

People can also to ask others to use their chosen pronouns

Elective surgical or medical intervention (which I believe means hormone treatment) for the purpose of transitioning, and social transitioning will result in membership restrictions.

These restrictions include not getting to exercise the priesthood, receiving or using a temple recommend, and receiving some Church callings

Even if the hormone therapy is prescribed by a medical professional to ease gender dysphoria or reduce suicidal thoughts, membership restrictions will result

Transgender people who don’t transition can have Church callings & temple recommends

Gender is defined as “biological sex at birth.”

This is recorded on Church records and determines whether someone can receive the priesthood and how they experience the temple ordinances

Transgender people & their family are welcome to attend Sunday church meetings and social events

There is now a page for transgender people, just as there has been for LGB people

This whole section of the Handbook makes me sad because it reduces these members to being a mistake and they need to choose a side. Nevermind they were born this way and have complex lives, they need to look and act like a cishet member.

I’d love if the church leaders could show scriptural backing & the words of the Savior to justify their views on trans folks other than the Family Proclamation.

Credit to the Church for switching from “transsexual” to “transgender

While trans people are welcome to attend the 2nd hour of church, no guidance was given about if they can choose either Relief Society or Elders Quorum

It’s problematic to define gender being as your biological sex at birth. If gender is eternal, why is “at birth” needed? A doctor or nurse assigns a biological sex at birth by taking a look at the newborn’s external genitals. This is only 1 of 5 markers of gender. A doctor or a nurse is not God.

5 components of biological sex

external genitalia

inner reproductive anatomy

sex hormones

chromosomes

gonad differentiation (gonad secretions cause sex-specific patterns in many other tissues & the brain)

This section of the Handbook still speaks of gender as binary–you’re either male or female and trans. Genderfluid, nonbinary, or any acknowledgement of a spectrum doesn’t exist.

To say a trans person will face consequences for social transitioning is really troubling. What does “social transitioning” mean? Do pronouns count as “social transitioning?” Long or short hair? If people must dress according to gender stereotypes, then it seems like leadership is more concerned about the feelings of the 99 and not the health & well being of the 1.

Why is it only transgender members who have a ban on these surgeries? Lots of breast enhancements, reductions and mastectomies take place every month with not a whiff of interest by church leaders, but if it’s done to affirm one’s gender identity, then it’s forbidden, even if it’s life saving.

It did make me feel queasy to read that even if medical or surgical intervention is prescribed by medical professionals to deal with gender dysphoria or suicidal thoughts, too bad, we’re still going to punish you. What kind of monsters came up with this?

—————————————————————

Intersex, aka People Whose Sex isn’t Clear at Birth

The Handbook says the incident rate of intersex is extremely rare

Questions about membership records, priesthood ordination and temple ordinances for youth or adults who were born with sexual ambiguity should be directed to the Office of the First Presidency.

This is the first I’ve seen Intersex given their own section in the Handbook.

While policies about LGBT people are listed as “moral issues”, the section on intersex people is under “medical and health policies.” That’s a good sign, it means that the medical profession determines what is best, not a church leader.

I appreciate that church takes this out of the hands of local leadership. It’s a complex issue that untrained people shouldn’t get to have say over.

The Church assumes that surgical & medical intervention is needed for this group of people. Unfortunately it implies the default is to do so in infancy or early childhood when current best practices would be delaying, if possible, until the individual can weigh in on their body & identity.

The idea that intersex is rare, well that depends on what they consider rare.

The rate could be as high as 2% of the population or as low as 1 in 2000.

If we think of that in terms of Church congregations, it suddenly seems not so rare.

In North America, a ward must have 300 members. If 1%-2% are intersex, that’s a couple people in each congregation.

If we go with the lowest rate of 1 in 2000, consider that in the US & Canada a stake requires a minimum of 3000 members. So 1 or 2 members per stake would be intersex.

—————————————————————

I think these changes show that the Church is willing to include queer people up to a point. We can feel & be the person we believe ourselves to be as long as we don’t actually act in a way that affirms who we are.

We are to be loved, respected and welcomed, however these homophobic and transphobic policies remain in place. Love & respect is more than smiling & being nice to someone.

The policies of the Church regarding queer people is out of line with science. As science continues to advance and confirm that gender identities and sexual orientations are real and biological and not changeable by will, the tension for the Church on these topics will continue to grow.

“The only clear line I draw these days is this: when my religion tries to come between me and my neighbor, I will choose my neighbor. Jesus never commanded me to love my religion.” -Rev. Barbara Brown Taylor

Considering Jesus admonishes us again and again to love each other and that we are all alike to God, I can only guess that Jesus wept. Again.

#handbook #tumblrstake #queerstake

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thecorteztwins · 4 years

Text

A Primer for Intersex Characters

I hesitated on writing this, since I am not intersex. But I’ve seen a lot of intersex characters around, a lot of common tropes and mistakes, and not any guides on how to write them accurately or respectfully. I cannot claim to have any experience relevant to being intersex, so I’ve simply tried my best to read the words and voices of many intersex people and relay them here. I welcome correction if something is wrong, since my goal here is to help stop misinformation and misunderstanding, not spread it further. Okay, let’s begin with the physical/medical stuff. - There are multiple terms for people who are NOT intersex, including perisex, endosex, jutasex, and dyadic. Please use any of these rather than “normal”. Cisgender is also not an acceptable substitution, as it conflates intersex with being trans (and some intersex people *are* cisgender) The term “hermaphrodite” is offensive and inaccurate; it is to be used for animals for whom true hermaphrodism (being fully reproductive as both sexes) is the norm, not for people. That said, I have encountered intersex people who use it as a reclaimed term. But if you are not intersex, you should not be using it for your character. - Intersex people are not a third sex category unto themselves ,nor are they both sexes at once. Intersex conditions are variations on male or female, and many intersex conditions are in fact sex-specific. - Intersex is not one thing. There is no single condition called “intersex”. It’s like “mentally ill” or “disabled” it’s a category containing many different conditions, each with different symptoms and presentations. If you are going to have your character be intersex, please have them have a specific condition (even if they don’t know it/have not been diagnosed/etc) and research that condition thoroughly. Being intersex is always attached to a condition, and there are a limited number of said conditions in existence, and, again, each has specific symptoms and presentations, it’s not just a random mix-and-match. - Most of these conditions are not just cosmetic, there are often MEDICAL PROBLEMS. Most of the time it’s bone and/or heart problems and a need for more screening for reproductive/gonadal health issues, but some have more specific issues. For instance, CAH comes with excessive hairiness and ambiguous genitalia in females, but also something called excess natriuresis, also known as salt-wasting, which can lead to death, and a lower level of cortisol in the blood that puts them at a constant risk of adrenal crisis. So it’s not just about how the body LOOKS, or just about reproductive/sexual function, the entire system is often affected by too much or too little sex hormones. Sometimes there are even cognitive effects; Turner’s Syndrome can cause nonverbal learning disorders, difficulty in perceiving spatial relationships, and issues with motor control, while Klinefelter’s Syndrome can cause learning delays in general. Again, please research if your character is going to have this, and consider the effects. - Not all intersex conditions affect the genital configuration at all. For instance, in Persistent Müllerian duct syndrome, someone who looks externally like a completely normal cis man will have parts of the female reproductive system internally; many of these men never know this til they’re adults and it’s discovered in a medical examination for some other issue and it gets discovered by accident. Likewise, someone with AIS is often going to look totally cis female and be raised as such, and only find it out when she sees a medical specialist because her parents wonder why she isn’t getting her period yet. Ultrasounds, blood tests, and genetics tests are all much better indications of an intersex condition than a mere visual examination of the genitals, as well as kinder and less invasive. - Some conditions that DO affect the genitals still don’t make them ambiguous in any way, just not configured in the usual way. For instance, in Mullerian agenesis, a woman is just missing the uterus and thus infertile, but doesn’t have any “male” traits. Nor does having XXX chromosomes masculinize a woman at all, but it is an abnormality of sex chromosomes and thus classed as intersex. Sometimes it’s not about the sex being ambiguous, but about something that’s missing or not arranged as it should be. Again, it’s not a sexy disorder, and can result in a lot of unpleasant medical and mental effects depending just what’s going on. - Most intersex conditions result in infertility. Depending on their particular condition and its severity, someone may be fertile, but they are NEVER going to be fertile BOTH WAYS. There is no such thing as someone who can both impregnate another person and be impregnated themselves, not unless they’re some kind of mutant, alien, etc., and that’s obviously not what’s being discussed here. - Intersex people should not be used as an excuse to make fetish fantasy fuel. If you want to make a beautifully androgynous boy who can get pregnant or an Amazonian goddess with a big dick, just make that and be honest it’s your personal porn fantasy, but don’t call them intersex or claim it’s representation of any sort. Especially since there’s no condition I’m aware of that’s going to result in either of these things. Being intersex is often fetishized or treated as a freakish curiosity, sometimes both at once. If your character is extremely sexual or sexualized, and their intersex status is a large part of that, reconsider. If your character is depicted as bizarre or monstrous, and being intersex is part of why, don’t do that. - It varies with the specific condition, but most intersex people are actually not going to look androgynous like many people seem to think. Most, in fact, are going to look like perfectly ordinary men and women; you probably have met an intersex person and didn’t know it. That said, there are sometimes phenotypical symptoms. Again, this is NOT androgynous beauty or elegant gender ambiguity as I think people often hope/fantastize, but more like, say, the webbed neck of Turner’s syndrome, or the gynecomastia of Klinefelter’s (which are NOT big perky tits), etc. I am not trying to say intersex people are ugly or these features are anything to be ashamed of, but rather that if you are going to represent people with these conditions, to include the real features of their conditions, even the ones that don’t appeal to you, rather than defaulting to, again, fantasies and fetishes. Now comes the real thorny territory--- common ideas and presumptions I’ve seen around what intersex people think, identify as , etc., and addressing those. Again I am not intersex so I don’t want to speak on “what intersex people think” merely relay what I have seen, and what it comes down to is---there is no one thing all people who are intersex think! - Please be aware of the many issues intersex people face, be it medical problems stemming from their specific condition, being used as a political football by other groups, or finding doctors who will treat them respectfully and compassionately. Medical abuse of intersex people and trying to “fix” their genitals via surgery on infants and children is a rampant thing, and something that many intersex people are opposed to. It’s also worth noting that the terms “AMAB” and “AFAB” originated in the intersex community, as it CAFAB and CAMAB. I’m just trying to cover basics here but if you’re going to write a person with an intersex condition, these are all worth looking into further. - Many people with an intersex condition see it as just that, a medical condition. Many do not see themselves as something besides male or female, just as men or women who have a medical condition, and many may in fact be offended by the claim that they are a third category. It is for this reason that many dislike being used as “gotcha” to the claim there are “only two sexes” especially when it’s by people who don’t actually know or care anything about intersex people or the issues they face, and just want to win an argument, because it’s saying they’re NOT a man or NOT a woman because of their condition. - Many also do not consider being intersex to be LGBT and don’t wish to be included under the umbrella as such. - But, by the same token, some DO consider themselves a third category and DO feel that being intersex should be part of the LGBT umbrella. - I’ve noticed there seems to be an assumption that all intersex people are inherently nonbinary, genderqueer, trans, etc. Firstly, that’s not true. Many intersex people identify within the gender binary as a man or a woman, and many identify with their birth sex. I think this idea, while progressive on the surface, actually belies a very cisnormative way of thinking---the idea that the body must match the gender identity, so therefore someone with an “in-between” body must have an “in-between” gender identity! Which is really quite an offensive assumption, and no more true than the idea that everyone with a vagina identifies as a woman or that everyone with a penis identifies as a man. This is not to say that having a genderqueer/genderfluid/nonbinary/etc person with an intersex condition is automatically wrong either, there are non-binary intersex people in real life too, I’m saying that it isn’t an automatic part of being intersex. - Likewise, I see an assumption that all intersex people are going to be queer, pansexual, etc., or that their partners by definition must be pansexual, etc. But many intersex people are heterosexual. Many are also gay, or bi, or ace, and so on. And those who are monosexual are not less gay or straight for being intersex, nor are their partners. Believe it or not, there’s a ton of regular ol’ cishet people who have an intersex condition. - There’s also an assumption I’ve seen that all intersex people are all automatically going to be trans-supportive/trans-inclusive or count as trans by default. This is also not the case. There are seen intersex people who were trans/enbyphobic, just like anyone else can be. Many do not see themselves as comparable to trans people, and resent the idea they are the same or comparable. Some just don’t give a fuck either way. - Some intersex people have deep and complicated relationships with their status as intersex. Some see it as no different than just having diabetes. Some are activists and very knowledgeable about a host of intersex topics, both the physical aspects of various conditions and the political issues surrounding being intersex in general, and are very opinionated. Some people just know about their own condition and nothing more, and have no involvement in any kind of activism, no particularly strong opinions, etc. - Some people always knew they were intersex, some didn’t find out til puberty, some didn’t find out til in their adult life. It depends vastly on their condition and how it presents, as well as the access they had to medical care, whether their doctors were qualified or not, what decade they were growing up in and where, whether their families told them, etc. - There is debate on if PCOS counts as being intersex or not. I’ve seen a lot of people with PCOS argue it does, and a lot of people with other conditions say it’s in no way the same. I am not taking sides, as I don’t have either, just something to be aware of. At the moment though, no intersex rights organization or doctor classifies PCOS as intersex. So basically what it comes down to is that there’s a big diversity of conditions, and likewise a big diversity of experience, identities, and opinions. Do your research, and listen to intersex people, including the ones whose opinions you don’t like or whose opinions are contradict those of other intersex people. Find what fits your character best, think very critically on why you want an intersex character in the first place and why you chose what you did, and, above all, be respectful.

#rp stuff #intersex #out of cortez

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my-add-chronicles · 3 years

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We moved again Feb 1st because the roommate was getting bizarre and toxic so that was terrible (like complaining about every small thing, no basic respect or benefit of the doubt despite acting like being a mellow person and being kind and easy to talk to- it’s so wild when someone’s actions don’t match their attitude at all.. the whole ‘don’t do business with friends’ concept applies here, what a waste of money)

Obviously the rent is going to kick my ass since my bf is physically disabled (really bad chronic pain from muscle degeneration from an illness he had, he does his best but can’t stand for long periods and is recovering from a lot of PTSD from his family and from a brief hired-military stint before we met because they told him he was dying [95% chance of death] so he wanted to make money quickly).. I’m sole breadwinner and the US is a nightmare to try to get disability payments in, although we are going to keep trying. Point is, money will be very tight.

BUT! Love the new space. Two bedrooms, so we have one as the TV room/ferret play room so I have my cozy book-reading living room without that overstimulation of a TV which is fantastic. Gas stove, which he’s thrilled by as an ex head chef. Our elderly rescue dog will appreciate the space (and the lack of toxic roommate- we adopted her in November when we were living with the crappy person and didn’t know yet that it was going to get weird).

It’s a duplex style (but it’s 4 units), it feels a lot like renting a house because we’re on ground floor and there’s a big wood layered back porch thing that has stairs that lead to a simple shared backyard, a lot of windows and just the right amount of space for my antique furniture and tons of space on the walls for art. One-year lease offers a sense of security too.

Boyfriend has been away because of a funeral of his dearest relative who raised him. It was cancer- She wasn’t dead yet when he left Washington state so I feel very sad for him that he didn’t make it in time to say goodbye. But there was peace in knowing we did everything we could- he got stuck in the snowstorm on the road to Arkansas but he was in the good hands of my trucker ex wife (I know, lmao) who is one of the best drivers in the company. (They got along swimmingly! Bffs now it seems- it makes me laugh). He made it to the (outdoor, social distanced) funeral for her so in a way it went as well as it could have for what was meant to be. He’s taking it well and the whole thing kind of unfolded a lot like a movie, there’s a weird amount of healing that happened for him during the trip, he saw a lot of old enemies who want him dead (as I said, some PTSD from family.... homophobic family for instance, he was exclusively dating men in his youth) but he also reconnected with the family that loves the hell out of him including kids he grew up with that are now adults and have their own families and so it’s like having new family who actually love him. But it’s almost like going back there with good company (trucker ex was an amazing support system- she’s trans and a very affirming warm and dark-humor personality, perfect company for the trip- we weren’t meant to be together forever as teammates but she’s still a fantastic person) really kicked some sort of healing into gear, his attitude has shifted vastly from the default constant anxiety he deals with and his grief is there but he seems at peace.

So he’s been gone for 3 weeks and my immediate family teamed up with me to help take care of the senior rescue dog and ferrets while I work my 12+ hour shifts (bless them) and the fun part is, we had hardly finished unpacking from the move when he got the news she was dying- so since he’s been gone, each ‘weekend’ I go back to our new place and unpack and decorate with my project-hyper-productive mom assisting me, and it’s going to be SO freaking fun for him to arrive back and see our new place looking beautiful and amazing with a new rug in the hall and everything put away and art on the walls. It won’t fully be finished but it looks beautiful already. So that will be lovely after 3 weeks apart. Also our dog will be over the moon to see him- she’s a daddy’s girl, absolutely adores my bf so I’m proud that she wasn’t more livid about his absence for this long- she’s doing a great job. She’s a Staffordshire Terrier (so under the pit bull umbrella) just got to 3 months living with us, and she was abandoned and left to starve in Texas and she was 10 years old already when the shelter found her on the streets. She spent 4 months with a foster family before we adopted her and she was sent to us. She’s a nice 50lbs now. She’s doing amazing with all these unintentional changes (the move, my bf going to the funeral and being gone for 3 weeks, being around my parents a lot and staying in their basement together so they can help me take care of the pets).. I’m training her a lot and I’m very proud of the progress she’s made. She learned ‘lay down’ recently and she gets very excited to train because she loves treats. She still reactive-barks when someone comes in the door, she resource-protects people via barking (aka she doesn’t want someone to ‘take’ me from her, so she barks when people come in or random noises) but she’s making a ton of progress redirecting her attention back to me and is doing it way less. We used to not be able to leave her alone at all because she gets VERY upset if closed alone in a room so we didn’t know if she could handle it. But she’s doing amazing when I’m at work and her separation anxiety is a lot lower now, she gets a little mad once I go into another room but she naps while I’m at work and behaves very well. I’m just very proud of her, she’s amazing. She’s learning to hit a bell to tell us when she has to go potty. I’m teaching her ‘touch’ to boop things with her nose and she did it for the very first time by herself recently and I was so freaking excited. So we’ll keep practicing to see if it sticks.

That’s a little life update thing.

#personal not ADHD really

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swordbreakerz · 4 years

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✨ for all of them, 🎥 for treasure planet and guardians of gahoole, 🍀 for 9-1-1 and penumbra, 📃 for unicorn chronicles, 🏳️‍🌈 for howls, treasure planet and legend of zelda, and 💎 for any ones you have facts for lol

you spoil me uwu

🎥 - ok for treasure planet, gotta be the 12 years later scene in the beginning and the zoom in to the spaceport, the way it transitions from jim reading under the blankets to him flying on his solar surfer is so chefs kiss, and just like. everything about to the spaceport lmao, fr guardians definitely the scene where soren flies through the fire and then blows up the pulley system to get rid of the flecks energy, bro when hes flying above it all holding the lantern before he dives down to save them? chills

🍀 - you know im on that projection shit w/ juno steel, ive truly never like connected with a character like that before and he’s really really helped me thru my recovery and transition lol, fr 911 uhhh ig buck or eddie? i havent Thought About It or like consumed it enough times yet to rly settle on someone but fr now,,, they

🏳️‍🌈 - ok for howls, Everyone Is Bi/Pan, howl is trans and autistic and i will die on that hill, fr treasure planet jim and cpt amelia are both trans and both of them + doppler are autistic, fr loz link is trans, autistic and semi nonverbal and communicates primarily with asl, post twilight princess zelda says fuck it and finds a way back into the twilight realm and she midna and link hang out, most of these boil down to everyone i love is trans gay and autistic because i say so lmaooo

📃 - OK SO. without like, spoiling too many plot points, our main character is cara and she lives with her grandmother. her mom is dead and dad is out of the picture. one day theyre getting chased by these people that her grandma knows and cara gets thrown into an alternate realm full of fantasy creatures using her grandmothers amulet. she meets a unicorn named lightfoot and a bunch of other rad people and basically, starts a journey to save that world from the Hunters. the Hunters are an organisation who specifically hate unicorns and want them all dead, led by Beloved, and cara and her friends have to try and stop them from entering the world and wiping them out. its sooo so so good and i highly recommend it cause i have no one to talk to about it please god

✨ - oh boy uh, well. im just gonna like list them out lmao

unicorn chronicles: i loved unicorns as a kid and read it when i was in elementary school, and over the years its remained just as compelling and well written as i remember and like. god the whole concept is so godamn cool and all the subplots that get introduced are fuckign fantastic and like all the different creatures are amazing i literally cant sing its praises enough

howls moving castle: must i have a logical reason? is it not to vicariously live my fantasy of running away to the countryside with a wizard boyfriend, his demon and his apprentice?? for real though, its such a fantastic story with beautiful visuals in the movie and wonderfully compelling prose in the book, and esp in the movie the whole time travel subplot with sophie seeing howl and calcifer in the past and then howl finding her in the future makes me go feral

penumbra: gays in space. need i say more? im a huge slut for gay found family and especially in futuristic space, and im a huge big fan of the lgbt utopia its created. like yeah capitalism sucks but at least im not gonne get misgendered in space starbucks, u kno? all the writing and dialogue is so incredible and the SOUND DESIGN GOD, alex i know u specifically can relate when i say i would kill a man for sophie and her incredible sound design skills, like dude the dance scene in man in glass p2 you can hear every single individual step they take and every swish of junos dress and i jusT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! god its so good, plus the whole the characters help me work through my trauma and repressed anger haha

911: this one is entirely your fault. so obligatory horny on main everyone on that show is so hot i want oliver stark to cradle me gently in his beefy arms oh my god. other than Men, the way it drives home the whole ‘you can’t save everyone, and it will kill you to try, so just focus on what you can do and keep living’ makes me so emo. the way it tackles big bureaucratic issues as well as closer to home interpersonal ones is amazing and i love how it shows people going through and dealing realistically with trauma.

treasure planet: again, who doesnt want to live in Cool Steampunk Space Travel Future? i really really love jims story and his arc, the way he deals with his trauma is uhh very familiar lol and his relationship with silver is like the ideal. the story is just the coolest concept and i love all the wonderful character design and animation, plus the soundtrack SLAPS and everything is beautiful

legend of zelda: ive been associated with this series from a very young age due to my name and as soon as i gave into my fate and looked it up for real i just kinda fell into it lol. i cant really tell you exactly what draws me to it besides ‘wow fun game!’ and ‘god i wish that were me,’ but like the absurd amount of detail thats put into each installment and the creative ways they retell essentially the same/similar story over and over is incredible

guardians of gahoole: so i had the same experience with this and treasure planet which is i remembered ‘oh hey this is a movie that exists and i cant clearly remember watching it, ill look it up :)’ and then it consumed my life for a solid 3 months. firstly this movie is absolutely gorgeous, the animation and framing is fucking stunning and the way they handled owls talking like people as far as the movement of their very inflexible beaks was amazing. it sort of has the same draw for me as warrior cats? secret animal society ft incredibly traumatic experiences and the characters dealing with it. like, the whole concept is just so fuckign wild and it works so well, i rly enjoy this niche genre.

💎 - alright trivia time, so guardians of gahoole is based on a book series and the movie only covers part of the first arc i think idk, BUT theres another series set in the same universe called wolves of the beyond that i devoured when i was younger! i didnt know they were connected for the longest time and when i found out i was :000, i still rly love wolves of the beyond and wanna reread it, as well as read the actual gahoole books. in the howls books, sophie is a redhead! also, markl is named michael and like a fully functioning young adult who ends up marrying one of sophies sisters. treasure planet is, obviously, based off treasure island but its so much better than the book dont bother reading it lol i tried and it was boring. there was plans for a treasure planet sequel that was fully scripted and cast but it was cancelled cause disney sabotaged treasure planet from the start with the shitty release and advertising and tldr we were ROBBED, also amelias concept was much more octopus like and while that wldve been rad im p glad she was switched to a cat for. several reasons lol. uhh i dont have a lot of Fun Facts abt the unicorn chronicles but for the longest time i thought there were only 3 books and then last year i found the fourth book by chance in a kitsch store and nearly had a breakdown i was so happy, like full on i started shaking and crying cause there was so much joy in my body i cldnt contain it.

thats all i can think of tysm ily, to anyone who read all of this bless u please watch guardians of gahoole and read the unicorn chronicles i will love u forever

#IM LOVE U #friendos #alex #and z answers #astrallouis

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pepperstrawberry · 5 years

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Heavy post...*waves to frens*

Warning: Long post... but not putting it under a cut because I specifically want new followers to read this. Mutuals and long time followers? Nothing new here, feel free to hit that page down button a few times XD

So, over the last few weeks, I’ve gained a lot of new followers... and lost some too. Now of course, I generally don’t worry too much about it (or try not to). I know some folk unfollow maybe because it’s been a while and their interests have changed, or maybe in some cases they were dealing with some frustrating things that I happen to be also talking about at the time and so they wanted to get away from it all for a while and it wasn’t really a personal thing. No judgement on that stuffs...

But, I do want to make some things clear for those that have recently followed me and might have followed just because of a cute image or two I made for magic stuffs with the new set dropping:

First: I am a trans woman. I support the full LGBTAQ+ spectrum. Yes, this includes Non-binary, Asexual, Aromantic, and all. I’m not going to argue with folks on the inclusion. It’s just that way. Oh yeah, and Bisexual, both being and supporting. This means even when a couple is not with who you think they should be with (a straight person seeing a ‘bi’ with the same or gay seeing ‘bi’ with different, you know that whole thing... no matter who a bisexual person is with, they are still bi)

Second: I’m anti-capitalist. Yes, I live in a capitalist world, and have to abide by the current machinations of it. I mean, consider things like Patreon, Go Fund Me, and the like. Those are not ‘capitalist’ (though can and have been used in that way), but are a way a community can help creators make a living without having to worry about making every product ‘marketable’. (which is why I’m against the recent shift that Patreon is doing for it’s creators, but that is a whole other post).

Third: I am a supporter of things like Black Lives Matter and other inter-sectional things. Look, the same sort of oppressive arguments, and often even the same people, are used against both people within the LGBTQA+ community AND people of color. It just makes sense to back them up as much as my fellow lgbt friends.

Fourth: Which leads me to being Feminist. 3rd wave specifically. Yes, there are crap folk that claim to be feminist, but that is the case with any group. I mean there are lesbians that are against trans woman, soo... Anyhoo, the bottom line of 3rd wave Feminism is inter-sectional support. Women, LGBT folk, People of Color, and everything like that. And before you go ‘but what about white males?’, consider that that is who holds the power right now. Well, White, Male, and Rich. But many of the things that real feminism fights for also covers things that would help out men as well. Things like better therapy and psychological help. The idea of ‘toxic masculinity’ isn’t the idea that ‘masculinity is toxic’, but that there are ways that being a ‘guy’ has been pushed that are toxic in nature, both a danger for others as well as the men themselves. Remember the idea of ‘real men don’t cry’? That’s toxic. It teaches men that being sad isn’t a manly thing, but to express anger is okay. Which is why we get a lot of these shooters doing what they do.

Fifth: I’m... I guess I’m agnostic? I used to be christian, but I have found that some threads within that faith are... problematic lets say. But I find ANY system of belief (or non-belief in the case of Atheism or however you want to define it) has fringe folks that are... problematic as it were. I judge less on religious affiliation and more on how that religious faith is expressed. I would have more to say on that, but really that is the bottom line. If your faith is more about proving others wrong/judging others over just living the best life you can and helping others, then your faith is garbage. end of story. Don’t matter which god, gods, or even no gods at all you follow.

Sixth: I tend to be a bit of a critic about things. Sometimes I blow things out of proportion, sometimes I don’t go quite far enough. But in the end, I try to be as honest as I can and as clear as my rambly nature lets me. Though, as I always emphasize, I never mean to judge a person on their love of a thing. There are rare exceptions of course. Like, I will judge you if you love “Birth of a Nation” or “Triumph of the Will’ as they are both KKK/Nazi movies and white supremacist in nature. There is nothing in either to be lauded save that they were likely the first movies in their era to pull together several film elements that had already existed (really they were more a triumph of budget then of talent). If you like Game of Thrones because of how ‘realistic’ it is to do -that- to so many women (you know what that is), then yes, I’m judging you. But If you like Game of thrones for all the other reasons -in spite- of -that-, then no judgement at all. Those moments shouldn’t be enjoyed. At best, they should effect you will a visceral disgust as the moments are intended.

I used to (and sometimes still do) reblog the heavier, more ‘polictical’ posts to my other blog @pepperolitics, but after the purge messed up my adult blog, it’s harder to bother with a side blog these days. So there are times where my more direct political aspect comes to play on main.

And really? That shouldn’t be that much an issue when you think about it.

I mean, I try to stay positive and light on my main blog. That usually means the heavy subjects get put to my other blogs. Adult subjects to my adult blog (which is now effectively gone even if I haven’t actually deleted it yet) and the POLITICS go to the political blog...

But that would be the seventh thing on the list of getting to know me:

NOTHING IS EVER NON-POLITICAL.

Nothing.

Now, I will say there is a difference between ‘political’ and ‘POLITICAL’, that is to say: we are human, the way we interact with each other is inherently political. How we agree, disagree, compromise on a day to day basis is political. Manners are political.

All ART is political.

But then there is the capital ‘P’ POLITICAL, where we are talking about government, the big policies, the big moments, the major events.

Where we switch from political to POLITICAL is when we go from things that are inherent, inferred, or basically subtext to straight up text and direct.

In otherwords: I refuse the idea that me suddenly talking about politics is me “becoming” political. I have always been political, we all are. it’s just sometimes, you have to make your politics clear.

Or in other other words: White, capitalist, hurrah! jingoist soilder of things like C.O.D/battlefield is just as POLITICAL as a Woman with a girlfriend and a trans side kick or something... it’s just we have been so surrounded by the former over the latter that we think of it as the accepted norm rather then one flavor of story hero among so many others...

...okay, I’m getting extra rambly and tangental... But that was kinda the point of this post.

Some of you will disagree with some of my points for one reason or another. Sometimes in shades, and sometimes in full... But my base point is, many of my long time followers already know this about me, but some of the new folk might not. And if you are going to stick around, this is the sort of lady you are following.

Hi. I’m Anita Priscilla Barton. Many call me Strawberry, or Pepper, or even just Pep. I am a Bisexual Trans Woman, I love magic the gathering, coffee, and all my wonderful friends and mutuals. And yes, I am a political entity who’s beliefs, shape her art and critique. Just as all of ours do.

#pepper rambles #pepper rants #getting to know me

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nebris · 5 years

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Gender identity needs to be based on objective evidence rather than feelings

Jul 3rd 2018 by DEBBIE HAYTON

Debbie Hayton is a physics teacher at a school in the West Midlands, in Britain. She is a vocal campaigner for trans rights, but she argues that self-identification is an unwise step to take because it risks the credibility of the gender-recognition process. Trans people need more than feelings to protect them from an uncertain future. Follow her on Twitter @DebbieHayton.

When Tara Wolf assaulted Maria MacLachlan at Speakers’ Corner on September 13th 2017, a social-media dispute between transgender activists and radical feminists burst out onto the streets of London. Ms MacLachlan, a 60-year-old woman, was going to a feminist meeting that had been forced to move to a secret venue after protests by a group of transgender activists that included Ms Wolf, a 26-year-old trans woman.

Tensions had been raised three months earlier, when Britain’s government announced that it would consult the public on changes to the Gender Recognition Act of 2004, which sets out the steps transgender people must take to get their new gender identity recognised in law. The proposals included gender self-identification, effectively allowing applicants to change their legal sex by simply declaring their intention “to live in their preferred gender” for the rest of their life. They would no longer have to provide medical reports attesting to gender dysphoria, or evidence that they had lived in the target gender. The proposals proved more controversial than the government had perhaps expected. Nine months on, the dispute shows no signs of resolution. The consultation was delayed repeatedly, raising the temperature in an already heated environment.

I am a teacher and I encourage my pupils to think critically and judge arguments by the supporting evidence. Sadly in this debate, emotion has eclipsed reason and seemingly contradictory assertions, namely “woman means adult human female” and “trans women are women” are hurled back and forth without any progress towards a shared position.

Future historians may see this as a clash between postmodernism and facts: the facts of life, namely sex and reproduction, on the one hand, and the idea that sex, or at least gender, is defined by thoughts and feelings rather than bodies. In the meantime, however, for trans people like me the debate is personal and the stakes are enormous. I transitioned six years ago to be freed of the chronic and debilitating effects of gender dysphoria. My goal was to carry on teaching and stay out of the press. That strategy was partly successful: I still work in the same school, and Sir became Miss. But I set aside my desire for privacy to speak out at this crucial time. The rights, protections and identities of trans people are being gambled, not in a court of law but in the court of public opinion.

From a trans perspective, it is superficially attractive to base arguments on the concept of an innate gender identity that drives our character and personality. If we have a female gender identity then we are female, while people with a male gender identity are male. It’s simple and it’s empowering. Should our bodies not match our gender identity, then our thoughts and feelings trump our chromosomes and genitals. Arguably, this line of thinking leads to the conclusion that trans women like me are not only women but also female, and have always been female. If that is so, the privileges and protections that society has granted to women—for example, separate sporting events, literary competitions, scholarships, and selection processes such as all-women shortlists—would be ours by right.

But gender identity is not easy to define, let alone prove. Even legislators have been forced into circular reasoning. For example, the state of Massachusetts defines it as “a person’s gender-related identity, appearance or behaviour, whether or not that gender-related identity or behaviour is different from that traditionally associated with the person’s physiology or assigned sex at birth”. This, to me, is not only circular but sexist, as it assesses behaviour against stereotypes.

Legislation recently adopted in Scotland adopts a different philosophy. Rather than declare that trans women had always been female, the Gender Representation on Public Boards Act 2018 redefines the word “woman” to include a person who “is proposing to undergo, is undergoing or has undergone a process for the purpose of becoming female”. Perhaps understandably it does not explain how it is possible for someone to change sex. Nor does it specify the nature of the process.

So can a person born with a male reproductive system become female, or claim to have always been female? And can they support those claims with an argument? If state legislatures cannot define gender identity objectively, there seems little hope for individuals. It is not surprising, then, that trans people react defensively when those claims are challenged. Thankfully, most are more restrained than Ms Wolf, but those seeking to base their rights and protections on their own feelings of self are going to feel that their identities are under threat.

Trans people need better than this. Many feel under siege even where society is liberal and accepting. Feminists can be robust in their approach, but they do have reasonable concerns: women would certainly be affected by a changed legal definition of what it means to be a woman. If future society becomes more conservative and dismissive, the outlook for trans people could become grim. Even if rights and protections are enshrined in law, they have little value if people do not respect them. The requirement to produce objective evidence might be seen by some as an affront to our dignity, but it justifies our claims without relying on our feelings or self-declared identities.

If gender identity is unprovable and adherence to sexist stereotypes is unacceptable, then on what can we base our claims? Unless we deny any commonality between human beings and every other species of mammal, people of the sex class that produce ova are female and those whose sex produces sperm are male, and we need one of each to propagate our species. It might be possible to argue that someone could become female if they change their hormone regime and undergo gender-reassignment surgery: our legal sex is certainly determined initially by a cursory glance at our genitals straight after birth. However, unless we accept that a male person whose hormone levels and sex characteristics are changed against his will also becomes a female person, the argument still rests on feelings.

The only objective measure that remains for dividing humanity in two is biological sex—that is, our role or potential role in the reproduction of our species. But this leaves trans people in a very vulnerable position, and not on the side of the line that they would prefer. Although we can’t change our biological sex, trans people have been living happily in a manner analogous to the opposite sex for many years. In Britain, since the Gender Recognition Act was enacted they have also been able to change their legal sex to protect their privacy and allow them to acquire many of the rights and protections granted to the opposite sex, most notably the right to marry as a member of that sex. They have benefitted and society has benefitted. People more comfortable with themselves are likely to contribute more to society.

The system works because it is based on objective evidence, crucially a clinical diagnosis of gender dysphoria and those medical reports. A medical practitioner testifies that changing legal sex is necessary to promote mental wellbeing. That is priceless in a world where truth is increasingly held to be relative and different people hold different truths. In the trans debate those truths are both contradictory and contentious. If people with male reproductive systems can declare themselves to be trans women, and trans women are women, then female reproductive systems no longer define the class of people known as women. This is tortuous language but necessary at a time when basic definitions are challenged in social media bubbles.

Trans people have to live in the real world, where people do not need tortuous language to distinguish between men and women, and the key evidence is not what's in our heads but what's between our legs. We need more than feelings to counter that. If we abandon the testimony of experts, we may find ourselves at the mercy of whoever shouts loudest.

That is no way to live. It would be better to abandon the push to self-identify legal sex and look for progressive changes that make the process of gender reassignment simpler without damaging its credibility. More generally, we need to be intellectually honest. I am not female and I know that I cannot become female, but I can and do live in a way analogous to the way that women live. I make no claims I cannot justify and my life is better for it.

https://www.economist.com/open-future/2018/07/03/gender-identity-needs-to-be-based-on-objective-evidence-rather-than-feelings

#The Sisterhood #transgender

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auroraborus · 5 years

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Warning: Mention of dysphoria, self harm

Sexuality and gender are confusing. Even after years wearing one label you may find it's not quite right, other times you have to face the fact that you don't conform to the "standard." I've recently realized- Or more accurately; admitted- That I am not cisgender. As I have mentioned before, I've been closeted to all but a few people my whole life. Sexual orientation (or lack thereof) was loud and demanded to be dealt with, but I feel like gender was quieter.

We live in a society where gender isn't questioned. We don't sit around and talk about our genders like we talk about sexual orientation. If the default for sexuality is to assume straight until proven otherwise, this is ten times more true for gender. It's not just that we don't talk about it, we actively avoid questioning it or bringing it up.

I'm reminded in this thread of a trip my family took to Key West in Florida, USA. Key West is famous for its nightlife, music, and most of all; drag queens. Cross-dressing is so prevalent in Key West that it almost becomes more of the norm than the minority at night. My parents took me on a walk down main street and I saw many new and exciting things. Women wore whatever they wanted, some barely anything at all. Men openly wore skirts and dresses, often decked out with heals and make-up even when they weren't in full drag. All through this wonderful experience, however, I remember my mom reminding me over and over "These are just men having a good time. Some are role playing as characters who will sometimes hit on guys, but most of them are actually straight. Even if they wear dresses and big earrings they are still men." In the words of John Mulaney, we don't have time to unpack all of that.

What I'm getting at here was the strict reminders and clear message that even when men did feminine things, they were still men. (If only she had this stance of trans men) At no point should you question their gender or sexuality even if they were making it clear they didn't fall into the heteronormative societal roles. I'm also reminded of a crossplaying panel I attended hosted by an AFAB non-binary cosplayer. They mentioned that even wearing a full beard people would still refer to them with she/her pronouns. People stuck to the role that they thought they belonged in, even with an obvious outward sign that they were nonconforming. Both of these are examples of this unwillingness to open the discussion at all. People are so afraid of stepping outside of the binary structure as they understand it they will willingly misgender a person.

With a society that works to ignore binary-non-conformity I feel like gender exploration becomes taboo. It was much easier to ignore my own discomfort than confront it, especially when I had no idea what else there was. Experimenting with labels and pronouns is really only possible anonymously online until you are pretty sure of your place, and when you are ready to bring it up it's a big deal. The fear of people saying your feelings and experiences are "just a phase" can make it really scary to experiment in case the label or pronouns don't fit.

What the hell is actually wrong with phases, anyway? Sure you are going to grow out of them, but that's natural. You can't teleport from point A to point Z, there are a lot of places to go through in between. I had a phase of being a child, but I became an adolescent and eventually an adult. (by age at least) If I tried to buy alcohol with an underage ID it wouldn't be legal, even though my age is just a phase. See, we need phases to grow. Everything has phases. Until we as a society accept that; experimentation is going to remain terrifying.

So here I am. Living on my own. Out from under the roof that forced me to stay closeted, but rather than feeling free I felt more trapped than ever. It was like loosening the lid on a shaken soda, more space just increased the pressure. It wasn't the first time I had experienced dysphoria, but it certainly was the worst. There was one day where I couldn't manage to put on clothes for hours since my entire wardrobe reeked of binarism. I wanted to cut my hair off, all of it at once. I wanted to cut myself. Suddenly the quiet discomfort that had been growing inside of me for years was very loud and very present. I was forced to use introspection, something I had procrastinated for far too long.

Why, though? Why did I avoid confronting the topic until it became life-threatening? It's not that I am afraid of LGBTQIA+ topics, I already went on the whole journey of realizing I was asexual homo-romantic, which is definitely not one of the garden variety labels. I have many friends who are trans and/or non-binary, as well, so it's not like I was unfamiliar with the subject. I think it really boiled down to two problems, one internal and the other external.

First, I didn't feel like I deserved to have a "special" identity, basically I told myself I was close enough to Cis to deal and therefore didn't need to make my problems other people's problems by talking about them. Dumb, I know, but this type of thought process happens when you struggle with anxiety and self-hatred.

Second, and possibly more importantly; I was afraid to go outside of my gender box. I was scared that other people would call me a snowflake. I rationalized that I would never pass as anything other than my assigned gender, and I reasoned that my family would be confused and disappointed in me if they found out. The same reasons I struggled with my Ace label, but with a new and fabulous seasoning of "my gender identity doesn't actually affect my life that much." The hypothesis obviously being disproven by my own mental health problems.

I thank God that I do have supportive and accepting friends, but my main concern after finally admitting my gender situation to myself was still "am I confident enough in this to tell other people? Could it be a phase?" Sexuality is hard and gender is confusing. The lack of ability to comfortably experiment is what makes self-exploration so frightening.

You would be bored to tears if I detailed the amount of research I had to do just to find reliable information on gender labels. This not mentioning the self-reflection required to determine how long I had felt disenchanted with binarism and what parts of my identity were direct results of my Asexuality. It took a lot of painful time. Painful? Yes. I felt anguished, out of place. You can wear shoes that are the wrong size for a short amount of time but if you wore them all day they would start to hurt badly. Longer than that and they would reach the point where they were unbearable to wear and you were unable to walk. I had reached that point, and I couldn’t wait to slip into a better fit. The more shoes I looked at, though, the more I thought about my aching feet, and the worse I felt.

Alright, alright. I have danced around it for a long time, I'm sure you are dying to know what shoe- I mean gender- I picked. To continue using the dead analogy with the shoes I realized I was better off barefoot. The only labels that felt okay were genderqueer and agender, agender being the more comfortable of the two.

I honestly don't know at this point if that's always how I will identify. Also, the finer details of pronouns and names are difficult. I like my name, it's not my fault it belongs to an arbitrary binary system where certain syllable combinations are code for which genitals I had at birth and are associated with assumptions about my gender, personality, and upbringing. Pronouns are weird, too; at the moment I'm just going with whatever people assume since I have no kinship with any particular set, however, this still feels uncomfortable. Gender is an adventure just like everything else in life, and I haven't reached the story goal just yet.

Sexuality and gender are still confusing, but I think healthy exploration and education can really improve the experience. I don't know right now if my labels are permanent, but that's okay. Everything has phases, even the moon, and everything has ebb and flow, even the ocean. I'm learning to accept myself a little more all the time.

#gender #questioning #questioning my gender #dysphoria #gender dysphoria #agender #asexual agender #aspec #personal #self harm #trigger warning

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