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crimeronan · 3 years

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Can you explain the appeal of Julian Blackthorn? This is a genuine question because I read the books and came away utterly bored by him and unconvinced of his moral greyness as opposed to like, Adam Parrish’s. He seemed so one dimensional to me but I want to know if I’m Wrong TM considering I tend to be very very biased toward my favourite characters and bored by the rest, and my favourites were Mark and Kieran. So maybe I just didn’t pay him enough attention??

it’s been a while since i wrote any earnest tsc meta but cringe culture is dead and the chance to infodump about my julian thoughts has me vibrating where i’m sitting so. yes okay.

technical stuff

(aka: things pertaining to How The Story Is Constructed)

cassandra clare’s characterization has become much stronger just in general since she first began writing the series like twenty years ago

perhaps most importantly: the more recent stuff i’ve read from her has involved characters who actually grow, change, and learn from their past mistakes

rather than repeating the same stupid decisions over and over again

and over and over and over some more

seriously take a shot every time someone in tmi miscommunicates or self-destructs in ways They Have Learned Not To Do for no real reason. u will die of alcohol poisoning

in tda this shines ESPECIALLY with the evolution of mark, kieran, and cristina’s relationship, but that’s a separate post

clare’s trademark is also the angsty traumatized jerkass love interest with a secret heart of gold

the woman is almost singlehandedly responsible for draco in leather pants and the proliferation of this kind of character type in fandom and teen lit. this isn’t a criticism it’s me marveling at how if you commit hard enough to a single trope you truly can change the world. follow your dreams

sad jackass with a heart of gold isn’t an Inherently Problematic Character Type

but poorly done it can lead to relationship dynamics in which one partner is constantly being hurt by and then forgiving the other despite them making no real effort to change, because they are narratively absolved due to being sad

(there’s a lot of this with earlier jace content. in some ways i think will was later created specifically to be a same-archetype protagonist who actually does get called on his shit and grow. that’s also another post)

also if all of your sexy male love interests are tortured jackasses with a heart of gold then people start calling you a one-trick pony

enter julian blackthorn!

from the very start everything about him is designed to be the INVERSE of the heart of gold jackass. which immediately makes him interesting just from a meta perspective

(mark and kieran are also both alternate angles on this time-honored archetype. mark gets the heart of gold and kieran gets the jackass and then they’re both much more deeply messy than that. yet another post)

julian is kind, self-sacrificing, empathetic, artistic, emotionally supportive, responsible, and favored by old grannies everywhere

so a completely nonthreatening milquetoast guy, right

immediately forgettable if you’re only here for the dramatic conflicts and shithead antics of clare’s other protags

except that he is A Mess

and that he has structured his priorities very carefully, and they are as selfless as you expect from The Hero (TM) but they are also Not Heroic (TM) and they do not align with the moral framework The Hero (TM) is supposed to use

moral ambiguity in characters always exists in relation to their narratives imo. you mention adam parrish - trc’s narrative already mucks around in different ethical shades of gray, and adam falls on the canon scale about where julian does on his canon scale. both more willing than the average pov character to do the ruthless thing or make the fucked-up choice if the ends justify the means; both with an intensely strong sense of internal priorities that they adhere to at all costs, both so unbelievably fucking down for murder; etc

i do think there are ways julian’s choices could have been pushed even further, but considering the number of readers who hate his guts already, i can see why clare opted not to go for the most controversial possible conflicts

so we’re flipping the narrative

instead of seeing this angsty bad boy and peeling back the layers of his trauma to find his heart of gold, we’re seeing the put-together selfless family man and peeling back the layers of his Responsibility Mask to expose the rotting husk underneath

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

THAT IS FUN AS FUCK

then when julian DOES lash out in hurtful, uncontrolled ways, he has significantly more narrative justification for it than most of clare’s protagonists (will elaborate in characterization thoughts)

julian is also interesting as fuck because of how his struggles allow for a more in-depth look at the failings of shadowhunter society, something that’s also sorely lacking in clare’s earlier work

his apparent amorality is simply the result of him making pragmatic and impossible choices because he has been faced with fucked-up ethical dilemmas since age 12 Because Society Has Failed Him

which opens the door for narrative exploration of how and why he’s been failed so badly & what needs to change

i also love that he has such a coldly calculated way of analyzing situations and allowing harm to occur when need be, bc a lot of clare’s early protagonists have such a bad case of Rush In And Get Myself Killed Because I’ve Got Feelings About Impulsive Heroism syndrome that i wanna push them in front of a truck

probably there’s other meta narrative stuff i could say but i’m stopping myself and moving on to character analysis

characterization stuff

(aka: reasons why i’m also attached to him in a vacuum)

i don’t read him as one-dimensional at all tbh

u may feel the narrative pushes “ruthless julian blackthorn” too much without delivering enough actual ruthless julian But i don’t think that’s the same as having only one dimension

from the get-go, the big question centered on julian is always “how far are you willing to go?” and the narrative pushes the stakes slowly higher and higher to continuously test julian’s “the price is always justified” mindset

he has a far more layered and realistic response to trauma than clare’s early protagonists - trauma affects every single aspect of his personality and how he conducts himself, and the effects vary depending on the circumstances

his conviction that he has to be the perfect parent to his siblings because they will fall apart if they see him show weakness?? rooted in how he feels like he’s fallen apart since losing the stable adult support he once relied upon

his willingness to hurt semi-innocent people, commit coldblooded murder, manipulate people using political leverage, allow harm to befall any stranger if it protects his family?? rooted in how he has already had to ask himself how much he’s willing to sacrifice, and how his family is his only source of stability when the world has never done Shit for him

his conviction that he has a darker heart than anyone else because he killed his possessed father, even though intellectually he knows he was saving his brother’s life?? rooted in having no means of processing this trauma and being unable to voice his feelings for fear of backlash from a deeply non-understanding society

the way he represses every single negative emotion he ever has, to the point where emma - his actual literal magic soulmate who can feel his emotions - is startled to find him hurting or angry?? once again all about how he has to be the perfect father or he’s failed completely

the way his anger is so totally disproportionate to different situations and the way his negative emotions can only come out in completely uncontrolled breaks?? all that repression baybey. this kid has not processed a single bad feeling in five years. every single real grievance and petty annoyance has been festering indefinitely inside him like a slowly spreading infection

julian’s arc involves him needing to get thru being his worst self to actually start to heal

as in, he has to actually learn to acknowledge his feelings, take care of himself, lean on his family, and let other people take some responsibility

he also has to learn that in his quest to be the perfect emotionally controlled authority figure, he has not actually learned how to control or deal with his emotions. like. At Fucking All. good god

the narrative setup is also about asking “how far are you willing to go?” until the answer is finally “not this far. not this far”

and once he reaches that point, he has to reevaluate everything about how he weighs his priorities and morals and plans, etc

(i also like that emma has a perpendicular arc in which she’s always the one tempering julian and telling him “no we can’t go that far” until she’s willing to do something horrific that he absolutely won’t and HE has to stop HER. very sexy)

it’s also just really nice to have a character who’s learned to relate so well to literally every single member of his family while still having a very detached ruthless interior consciousness. i have similar feelings about how adam teaches himself to love people, but with julian it’s spelled out more explicitly in canon & it’s a more central character theme

i’m sure i’m also forgetting stuff here but this post is long enough so i’m gonna say good enough

and like i said in the tags on my other post, there are things i’d personally write differently if it were my story - plot points i’d shift, character contrasts i’d up, themes i’d explore differently, pacing i’d adjust, etc. i have plenty of ways i could be nitpicky and editorial about the effectiveness of julian’s arc. but i also don’t feel like writing them out at the moment & none of my critiques on effectiveness have an impact on the core appeal of his character 2 me. he’s so fucking good

#replies #tsc #tda #julian blackthorn #meta #long post #ungodly long post.#shadowhunters #Anonymous

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queer-crusader · 3 years

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How do you think Silver & Flint's relationship would have evolved if things hadn't ended the way they did in S4? How do you think things would have progressed through time? I tend to think about the what ifs a lot. I'm just curious what your thoughts are on it.

OOFT. I mean i have many thoughts! It’s... very hard to say really. Because i think one thing Black Sails does incredibly well is the way it builds a story and a character. Many choices made in this show are so dependent on what the characters want and who they intrinsically are and how they influence each other (willingly/knowingly or not), and i feel like there are many very complex interwoven roads that led them to the conclusion they got to. Which is one of the many reasons the finale felt like such a tragedy; you know things are going to end badly because you kind of see it coming. And dear god it does hurt, even with Flint being reunited with Thomas.

So. I think there are two ways to answer this question, and you can sort of divide them into canon-ish versus fanon wish. These may not exactly be clearly indicated bc like i said i have Many Thoughts, and i apologise in advance 😅 Another thing i’ll be looking at here is something we had to lay out for our characters when i studied acting - the goals/objectives/motivations of the character, and their emotional/mental state. None of this is meant to be critical against any character. I simply adore analyising them and the paths of the story, and I love each and every character i talk about here deeply.

So, looking at that finale. There’s several things that i could take from what you say about things not ending the way they did - for now, i’m looking at the confrontation between Flint and Silver in the woods, where Silver forces Flint to quit his war and reunites him with Thomas.

Firstly, let’s analyse what we get from the canon, and what i believe motivates these characters to bring them to the point they end up at. There’s that famous line i think of Silver where he says he doesn’t know anymore where he ends and Flint begins - their thinking patterns have become so intertwined, they basically share a braincell. The tricky thing about this is, just because he and Flint think similarly, share tactics, and a knowledge of how to use people in their means, just because they understand each other well, doesn’t mean they share opinions and morals. Flint especially seems to forget this. He believes Silver is with him in his cause to end Imperial rule. But from Silver’s final actions, it’s clear Silver values his personal wants and needs above that of this abstract crowd of people. He’s not oppressed - or hasn’t felt the effects of Imperial/religious oppression (as far as we canonically know) like Flint and Madi have. And that means he doesn’t have the same drive. He’s driven by his personal connections to these people, i believe, purely from his own point of view. Like, i suspect he struggles to place himself in the shoes of Madi or Flint to feel their pain and motivation. He can see it, he just... doesn’t fully grasp it. (There’s also a question of whether he wishes to, but i feel nowhere NEAR qualified on answering that, nor do i think the canon gives us enough material to give a perfectly cut & dry answer.)

So you have this big miscommunication. Flint believes that, because he and Silver have basically become one shared braincell, they have the same goals, while Silver is still driven from a point of selfishness. (Side-note: there was a moment in the show he became selfless! He wouldn’t give up his crew when faced with torture from Vane’s quartermaster! But then he lost a leg over it and it seemed to dampen that selflessness. I think from there on, moments where he seems to be motivated by the good of the crew come instead from an internal need to belong and be loved more so than a genuine sense of brotherhood. That brotherhood may still have been there, but i think he might have suppressed that instinct a little and instead let the more selfish needs take more of a front seat. Understandable and not bad/evil, like that’s super valid of him. But my point is, he’s not exactly ready to fight for another man’s cause he doesn’t have as much of a personal emotional profit in, especially when he knows it’ll end in certain death for everyone he cares about and he knows cares about him.)

So that’s sort of where the characters are mentally in that climax. I may be skirting details and summarising a bit hastily, but it’s also been a GOOD while since i’ve watched season 4, so i apologise. Flint (and Madi as well - she plays an equally important role i think!) is fuelled by a mix of rage born from oppression/discrimination, and a protectiveness for others who may suffer the same fate. Silver meanwhile is fuelled by a need much closer to home - to be loved and to keep those he cares for and deems important to him alive and around. I’ve framed it as their emotional drive, but really it is also their goal, their objective in that finale. Flint and Madi are looking to burn down an oppressive system while Silver... isn’t. For him, their goals stand directly in the way of his. And by the end of the show, he’s gained enough power to prevail in his objective, cancelling out those of Flint and Madi.

So, could it have gone differently? I think, if we wanna play with canon and keep it as close to canon as possible... It seems almost impossible. These people’s goals just do not align. (There’s that sweet sweet tragedy again.) So what you need for it to go differently in short is for one of, if not several, of these people to change their goal. But we’re talking their MAIN objective, their main driving force at this point in the show - so like, the chances of that are slim. ESPECIALLY if we’re talking about the canon characters. After all, for that, the characters would need to look inside themselves and fucking face up to some of their issues and work on them. (This is something which these characters are not very prone to do, bc jesus it’s a mess in there and if that were me i’d preferably not turn introspective either and be forced to look at all that.)

So if we wanted Flint to change his goal, he’d need to come to terms with the Empire being untouchable - which is bullshit bc like my man has a POINT, just because they seem to be able to be brought down doesn’t mean they ain’t - and to accept the homophobia and oppression they treated him and Thomas with, which, yeah fuck that, absolutely not, his rage and his goals are valid as FUCK. If we wanted to change Madi’s - lmao like listen i understand wanting her and Silver happy together bc we ship EVERYTHING in this house, but she’s poc and proper royalty and wants to end slavery. We ain’t touching her goals. So that just leaves Silver. Silver would need to face a part of himself that keeps him from placing Flint’s goals, or Madi’s goals, over his own. (I suspect we circle back to that insecurity and need to be loved, which defo stems from whatever trauma he swears doesn’t affect who he is today.) So for that he’d uhh... need therapy. And a shit tonne of it. But then you still have the issue that Flint and Madi will likely fight their war (bc they DESERVE IT), which may lead to what Silver considers inevitable - that they will die early and horribly, and he ends up all alone.

So, looking at playing with the canon-ish to change things? It’s gonna end in tragedy. There’s doesn’t seem any other way about it, i fear; not with the way these characters were written, with who they are and what drives them and what they want. If it doesn’t end in tragedy in one way, then almost certainly in another.

So what are our other options? What if we look at the fanon wish - whether it’s silverflint, or silvermadi, or madisilverflint, or just to have these kids be fucking happy? Well, you know what? Maybe it DOESNT have to end up in tragedy. Maybe, if Silver does align himself with the goals of the people he loves - after learning to communicate and place himself in other people’s shoes and prioritise the needs of his loved ones and compromising and all that jazz (god this boy needs therapy that only the fanon can likely give him, rip) - he could join them in their war. And maybe, his genius and creativity and quick wit will in fact propel their cause forward and help so much, none of them dies an early gruesome death. It’s not impossible! It just requires that sweet sweet character growth he doesn’t get the opportunity for in canon.

Another option, and this one is perhaps a little more plausible if the show had no episode limit or a desire to end in tragedy and “align” itself with “history” (they’ve played fast and loose with real history i’ve learned, and like,, it’s a story about fictional characters so why did it have to align itself with history?? Okay fine, as a prequel to Treasure Island, it still needed to end in tragedy for Silver bc we know where he ends up. Were there no Treasure Island and no rules and we could do what we wanted with the show and write a new ending, then what?). This one is more popular, you see it in loads of fics and i like it a lot. Silver sends Flint to the plantation. Flint and Thomas break out and get their war anyway. They’re pissed at Silver for a bit for being a selfish dick shitting on Flint’s dreams, but like,, it’s not as if it stopped Flint. (We can even look at it like Silver knew they’d probably fight their war and have better odds with Thomas in the mix, giving them a better opportunity - but like, that’s just a fun headcanon to play with that i don’t think aligns with what he explicitly states to want in canon.) And then, after some years, everyone learns to communicate and talk things out and maybe, maybe, Silver grows a bit and things become healthier between him and Flint.

Listen, the moral of the story is this. I love all the ships in this show. I think they’re all neat, and i love the different iterations in which people bring them to life and try to align them with canon. Do i think that with the canon we’ve been given, silverflint could happen? Maybe. Would it be healthy?? I mean... Probably not 😅 but like, that doesn’t prevent me from shipping it. (That’s not the point of shipping - sometimes you just wanna see that sweet sweet chemistry pay off, even tho u know it ain’t healthy. The characters are fictional. It’s okay. No-one will get hurt - apart from maybe you if you end up romanticising it and taking that into real life but ooft that’s a whole other kettle of fish.) But god, that’s the fucking JOY of fanfics ya know?? It may also be why i enjoy writing my modern au so much xD therapy is an option, and canon means even less than usual. All im saying is, when it comes to the relation between silver and flint, the fan community are a fucking godsend. You want them to be friends?? We got fics for that! Want them to bone? SO many fics for that! Want a sort of father-son role?? Uhh nowhere near enough fics for that, but the fandom’s still active so you never know! Partners in crime?? Hell YEAH that has potential, even in canon i think if u just stretch out fan-written episodes far enough!! (God can you imagine the POTENTIAL?? Ignore the war, the grittiness, the drama. Get me some pirate hijinks where the stakes are low but they’re still sharing a braincell.)

(Hmm. Now i need to add another idea to my WIP list lmao xD)

Anywayyy, hope this satisfies ur curiosity anon!!

#sorry it took me 2 days to answer #i just have Many Thots™ and i wanted to give this the care it deserves #i swear when i saw this question i was like 'you ask MOI???'#thank u so much tho this was so much fun to delve into #analysing character objectives and obstacles was one of my favourite things i learned studying acting #black sails #black sails meta #anne speaks #questions answered #anon #also id like to point out once more that jusr bc im critical of these characters doesnt mean i judge or hate on them #i ADORE a flawed character like thats literally the sexiest thing #okay okay im off to bed #writing ideas

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ranvwoop · 3 years

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TALK ABOUT AMERICAN HEALTHCARE I HAVE AN IDEA OF WHY IT'S THERE BUT I WANNA HEAR THE EXPLANATION ALSO THE ONLY HOUSE THAT"S NOT ON FIRE (YET) FOR THE SAME REASON I JUST WANNA SEE THE ANALYSIS:TM: IF U WANT I WANNA SEE IF I GOT IT RIGHT :D

Hi :DDD. Thank u for asking,,,, I have many thoughts. I am sorry in advance. This is one of those things I will put under a readmore because I am into rambling. IT GOT A LOT LONGER THAN ANTICIPATED IM SORRY. Like. a lot. It was 4 pages in google docs because i dont trust tumblr to save my drafts

Okay a lot of my Ranboo thoughts are about the syndicate / boreal trio / peerpressure duo. But you’re probably aware I am a Them enthusiast first and both a dsmp enjoyer and person second. Because. I really like the syndicate. I also don’t have too too many thoughts on the more recent lore past the experiments. Once the in character monologues stopped, so did my brain. I communicate through monologue to monologue communication.

American Healthcare is actually gonna be the main reason why this is so long bc it works Very Much for like three different reasons. One sorta niche and abstracter reason is a stream that was basically never elaborated on back in March, either the day after or very close to the peerpressure Egg confrontation stream. The egg called him a coward (for some reason my brain can Only come up with the “stop saying i look like chicken little. he’s dumb, and a coward, and i am NOT a coward” vine), and he is not a coward, so he decided to make an action plan to bring the server together by acting as a mediator for all parties and try to make sure that everyone is happy, because he’s the only one that can see all sides, or something. This was where he said the big happy family™ line but other than Ranboo Become Dream?? analysis nothing else really happened and everything went along as normal.

(I also always held a little bit of suspicion on this stream actually and thought it might be the influence of the egg, because it says it can give one whatever they want, and ranboo wants to make everyone happy and this was a totally foolproof way of doing that. Sort of in a similar way that BBH is convinced that his plan will totally make Skeppy happy. But also Ranboo is just like that, but this felt a little more on the nose than usual and he did fall into the egg and made his decisions after being egged on by it, buT WE’LL NEVER KNOW, WILL WE?

… also I really wanted to see more egg conflict at the time. Peerpressure rlly got involved in the egg plot for cameos at the banquet and nothing else. I do not blame anyone and respect the ccs for all of their attempts to weave plots together but also. also…. we.. we coulda had so much…)

That was a little off topic from the point, but… he really just thinks he can save the sick… he can see that everyone on the server is unwell and is wrong but, y’know, look inwardly, the unwell is coming from inside the house. And an inherent problem of the way that the server runs. And if this is still lowkey in effect or not (idk man a) ranboo has monologued a lot I simply chose a one off from march to grow emotionally attached to and b) i think that my brain has shut off once ranboo stopped solo lore streams), it would probably go the way that most choosing to change the system from the inside goes. Which is the point of the song and stuff! He will inevitably decide what’s too far, whether he will either admit it’s a choice or just feel that it’s what he has to do. The, uh, dealing with the devil, to be polite.

in conclusion (but we are not close to done here i’m holding you for a bit longer), i think a lot about that stream and i think that shows what he wants to be, at the very least, and continuing down that path would definitely go into being far more trouble than just a noble goal of wanting to help people, from negotiating with corruption (The lobbyists, the Congressmen and lies bit) and that the server can’t really be brought together and saved like that (When things are more and more this way / Sometimes it's like they'd rather die)

THE LESS. vwoop why have you written an unnecessarily long post about one stream in your playlist character analysis reason is both more literal and piece by piece and also Syndicate, My Beloved, you know the drill. We are going line by line because I have a lot of feelings about American Healthcare, apparently.

This also comes back to that everyone on the server is doing Really Badly, all of the time, but mostly his time in L’Manburg. For one, he is pretty complacent in everything and doesn’t really accomplish much in terms of actual change, so like Well people die every day / I wouldn't have it any other way / I just think they should feel good while they are alive. An example of this is Exiled Tommy — who I’d also metaphorically put as the dead man just for funsies, since Tommy’s whole exile thing was one of the first things Ranboo experienced on the server—as he did try to be friends with Tommy and keep him company with his letters, but he still has no power over the actual issue at hand. Just trying to make it a bit more bearable. Similarly is Techno, while Ranboo still participated in the butcher army that was trying to kill him, he helped in the meantime until he “died”.

And then it’s the Realization that participating in the system doesn’t really help much, and the subsequent Everything. It could be getting mad at the whole government system and that he didn’t mean to contribute to the harm, or how he fought with Fundy using hs ideology but not in the way that Ranboo thought. It could also be standing up to his hallucination Dream, in that he doesn’t try this hard to be a good person just to be accused of helping with all of the things that he may or may not have helped with. (That is… a discussion for not right now, I don’t know.) And I think this sort of area is also where it’s like they’d rather die is also relevant, cause Doomsday. Nobody could just set aside their governments and just get along, though Ranboo had his own solution to fighting and things.

And then he joins the Syndicate! And the lyrics of the song are directly Government Bad, because government bad. Canon anarchist, has done things that he’s not proud of as a part of the government. The lines it was the government / … It got louder over the years / Until all that I could hear was flies and all.

But honestly I think in the Syndicate he’s still trying to “save the sick”! Because the Syndicate don’t All fit eye to eye either. He’s the token pacifist, and a vote against violence whenever it comes down to it. Not all anarchists are violent but Techno and Phil will probably react strongly when provoked, due to All the past events, and I live in a world where their trauma and issues get talked about as much as everyone else’s. Since everything is decided by vote it’d probably be split between them and Ranboo + Niki, who is in her healing/no longer resorting to murder arc. He’ll help them negotiate and then everything will Be Okay, ideally.

(Also I just like the idea of Ranboo believing that he is helping the people he’s living with because canonically cc!Ranboo has said he just really cares about his family and the syndicate are included in his family shut up but they also just believe they’re helping him and yes it’s self indulgent. I care them. Particularly Endduo, actually, or whatever they're called, I am not bold enough to think Ranboo looks at Techno and thinks I Can Fix Him, but. Philza Minecraft will one day talk about his feelings. One day.)

There’s also radioduo and beeduo as of recent— really I’m just saying I think that Ranboo constantly has a Need To Help People, believes he can do it, and it will come back to hurt him in the end (except for the Syndicate because I’m in denial. The Syndicate can’t fall out if they never stream together :) ).

THIS CONCLUDES THE AMERICAN HEALTHCARE PORTION OF OUR SHOW.

The Only House That’s Not on Fire Yet !! I like this one. This is also blatantly there cause Syndicate. They are the only faction that is not actively falling apart, and this could absolutely be because they never stream together. But I do not care. However we are also going to go through this one piece by piece because we’re nearing 1500 words here and I might as well embarrass myself more. I am writing an incredibly informal essay about Ranboo My _Beloved (i assume his middle name is My, and he’s just one of those people who write his full full name) and this is the third page. If you’re still reading this, I’m sorry. Here we go.

There are lines that just seem like an unwell but recovering person, and I like to sort of think that way about Ranboo in the arctic during the down time. “I feel knotted up today / But in a most exquisite way” and “I feel strangely regular / But honestly I prefer it to / The usual bizarre” are just! He’s just hanging out. He’s doing good. There is the acknowledgement that he’s usually not doing well, and all of the episodes that he’s had in the past, and it’s probably strange to be doing well in the midst of everything, and there’s probably something impending, but now? He’s doing good!

The verses directly after both of those ones are about uncertainty and trust and such, and I feel like that’s not necessarily about just One relationship but all of them. Will cause problems as long as he has an accomplice. He is not confident but he trusts and loves people.

“This suit doesn’t fit me / I made it conterfeitly” I just like to think about Ranboo in his fancy suit, but it’s just a little wrong because he actually has no idea what he’s doing. I also like to think about Ranboo in a cape to fit in with boreal trio and later the syndicate, and emerald duo had matchy blue outfits from the Antarctic Empire… and trying to fit in with them…. or maybe They make him something.. You know. Much to think about.

“Killing me with déjà vu” I think is like. A little less fun, because despite how well things are going, the enderwalk is still not resolved and he had even less answers when I started thinking “this is a ranboo song”. Just as it relates to having a strange sense of reality and stuff, which goes into specifics of enderwalk headcanons, which would make this far longer. Even though I’ve framed it as a negative, there is also the more positive note of “Oh! I just thought of how to change all the hate / Into love with the old switcheroo / Dancing in my déjà vu / You'll be dancing too” which I’d rather explain broken up but I feel like as it’s a full verse it should be together. The first part is connected to my general thoughts of him explained earlier tbh, he’s trying Very Hard to make everyone happy and fix things. And adding the second part to it is just like! He is trying to make sense of everything, and it’s not so scary as time goes by. Since the experiments where he’s been (questionably) trying to be more comfortable and get more answers.

This was very long. I am sorry. I am ending it here and probably not going to do much formatting to make it readable because it is very late o’clock and also this is four pages and 2000 words I am so sorry. But if you read this far then. Uhhh thank. ^v^.

#asks #vwoop.noises #☆graphite☆#Reader. graphite in particular. i am so sorry.#this is. kind of just embarassing actually #if you notice a tone switch at the end its cause i got tired and didnt want to finish this in the morning #and look at my past sins #2k words of analyzing r*nboo in the direction of some internet songs. not. the thing you want to think hard abot that when you wake up #ok i fell asleep looking at the post page. 10/10 #but uh otherwise thank u for asking (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)

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maddiesup · 4 years

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Tag game!

I was tagged by @ohbabycupcakes thank u💖

RULES: Name 10 favorite characters from 10 different things then tag 10 people + leave comments on all of them

This is gonna be hard, where do I even start?

1) Keith (Voltron: Legendary Defender)

Okay I'm- trying not to laugh too hard because oh boy, this show was a complete mess. BUT Keith still stays as one of my favorite characters ever just because no matter how badly I was hurt by vld he'll always be precious to me 💖 He's hotheaded, cool and a lone wolf, but needs affection more than anyone else on the team. He's easy for me to relate to as I am more likely to push someone away than to keep them close just to avoid being hurt as well. His development is amazing tho and I love love him so much 😭 also it might be just that I have a soft spot for emo characters lmao

2) Todoroki Shoto (Boku no Hero Academia)

This just reinforces my statement earlier since Todoroki is pretty emo too :') But in a different way than Keith. If you are a part of bnha fandom you know he's generally a little bit overrated, but I couldn't help falling in love with him at first sight anyway lol His backstory is tragic but he keeps pursuing his dream and damn is he good at it. Also the combo of fire and ice is aesthetic goals. However, what I admire the most about Shoto is probably his loyalty to his friends, his will to fight and sometimes his goofy attitude (even if he probably isn't aware that he's being goofy lol) In conclusion: I love him, let's move on.

3) Uenoyama Ritsuka (Given)

Can I just stop to say how much I love given for a moment? Like I've never seen a bl anime/manga that would portray gay characters so respectfully 😭❤️ Ue is basically me gay panicking, I feel the boy so much :') OH also what's up with gays & guitars bc first given, then why r u and now also 2gether :') (I might be falling in love with this trope help) okay so: Ue is panicking when he starts liking Mafuyu but he handles it so well in a way? He doesn't deny his crush even if he is slow to notice it lol He's straightforward and sometimes a little bit rough around the edges, but even if he's supposed to be "the cool guy" we see him in the most hilarious settings and that just makes me love him all the more 💖 he respects Mafuyu and his boundaries and I want more of that in bl anime please

4) Eiji & Ash (Banana Fish)

Uhhhh this anime,,, I CANNOT choose between Ash and Eiji, I'm gonna forever see them as a pair and that's simply it. Ash is another emo one I would like to say that but he's actually not. He's backstory is heartbreaking and the life he has to live is dangerous and scary. He gets used to this reality where he has no one to rely on and no one to trust but then Eiji appears tearing his walls down and making him finally be able to show his soft and sensitive side to someone. Eiji is like a salve for his wounds and yes, I'm still emotional about it bc their relationship is one of the best developped I've ever seen. Their bond is so strong it's beautiful, they would literally die for each other. It's so apparent that they love each other and care for each other so much (don't mind me crying in the corner)

5) Percy Jackson (Percy Jackson & the Olympians)

PJ technically got me into fantasy/sci-fi in elementary school and it stays at the top of my favorite book series list ever (big props to Uncle Rick 👏) The whole series is funny and I would say pretty light-hearted even tho you know,,, Percy saves the world several times, lol, usual demigod things™. He's lovable. Son of Poseidon so he has seaweeds instead of a brain (or so you thought, he is brilliant at strategic planning and has a charisma to be a great leader), has a very good sense of humor, is loyal and would risk everything for his friends. Also he loves his girlfriend very much and I was crying while reading the House of Hades but no one needed to know that oh well. I'm also gonna mention Nico de Angelo here, since he fell in love with Percy (didn't we all tho) and was the first gay character I saw portrayed in the book and oh do I love him 😭💖

6) 707 (Mystic Messenger)

Was I losing sleep over this game? I was. Do I regret anything? Absolutely not. I think my choices are pretty boring tho, since Seven is literally everyone's favorite but oh boy there's a reason for that. Apart from being a talented hacker who knows too much (and I think is cautious of us the most at the start) he has a lovely happy-go-lucky personality composed of all the lame jokes, questions "have you eaten already" and anxiety (another emo one). He's that type of a character who will always try to make you laugh but you never know what's going on inside his head. He's mysterious and we don't get to know him well till his route so pretty much till the end of the game lol. Also he loves his brother, phd pepper, honey buddha chips and Elizabeth 3rd the most in this entire world and I love him for that

7) Evan Hansen (Dear Evan Hansen)

ANOTHER EMO ONE okay but hear me out Evan has social anxiety and its portrayal is almost too real for me. He makes a big oopsie which at the start seems like a little innocent lie but then snowballs to enormous sizes. He gains everything in this bargain, a best (dead) friend, a caring mother, a father, a girlfriend even - and then everything falls apart since it all is built on one fat lie. He makes a lot of mistakes and then some more but you get it and you feel for him, and you cry with him and you're happy for him. And when all of this is over you're glad that he's still there trying his best, taking it one day at a time. And sidenote: Ben Platt's voice is angelic and I love him as Evan 💖💖💖

8) Isak (SKAM)

Another gay panicking one. I'm starting to realize there's a set of traits that I particularly like in fictional characters lol But ye, when I was watching skam ofc it was the third season which gripped me the most and kept me on the edge, bc yet again Isak taking an "are you gay" test was way too real for me. He makes a lot of mistakes along the way of figuring out his sexuality and sometimes stuff with Evan becomes really messy (for both of them) but he stays with him nevertheless ❤️ Skam is literally so good in its portrayal of the characters :') Anyways: alt er love 💖

9) Viktor & Yuuri (Yuri on Ice)

Em, another one that I absolutely can't break up to just one bc how could I? Yuri on ice got me into skating ❤️ I went to an ice rink for the first time bc of this anime and I almost died but now look at me actually finishing my first three months of ice skating training and watching real life figure skating competitions :') Little did I know then. But they're not only my favourites bc of that, I genuinely love the development of their relationship from fan - idol through skater - couch to lovers and history makers in the end. I love how Yuuri is a ball of insecurities and how Viktor manages to reassure him. I love how Viktor fell in love with drunk Yuuri clinging to him. I love how at first Yuuri wasn't able to get too close to Viktor without getting flustered and it changes so drastically to them basically always holding onto each other. I love how Viktor was stuck with no inspiration but then Yuuri came and turned his world upside down. I love how they support and respect each other. I could probably go on into eternity like that and Yuri on ice isn't even the best anime I've ever seen but it's certainly my favourite one ❤️

10) Tutor (WHY R U)

I can't believe I'm so obsessed with thai dramas rn and I'm only gonna include Tor on this list smh He's mental attitude inspires me. He's able to hold so much and appears totally unfazed even if he's barely holding on inside. He's hardworking and doesn't want others to pity him since he can manage it all just fine. He has a kind heart, he's a wonderful friend (especially to Hwa, he always listens to her, gives her pieces of advise, supports her and tries to cheer her up). He never forgets to say thank you when he genuinely feels grateful. But as we've seen he also is passionate and when he loves he LOVES. Also he's the biggest tease to Fighter and I love him for that :') I am so satisfied just by seeing him happy, please do not change that whyru gods 🙏

As it appears I'm done .-. I have no idea what have just happened and if my rambling even makes sense but not that I care at this point. If you read this far, please drink some water now, that was a lot of reading to go through ❤️

Tagging: @wir-ro, @saecookie and any other 8 people who might want to ksks (im too tired to tag lmao)

Don't be like me and go to bed at reasonable hours despite this whole quarantine thing .-. thank again Doreen for tagging since it was really fun 🥺❤️

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snovaness · 4 years

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hiiiii, can i request a shinsou x fem!reader, where she saves him bc he got beat up from saving her and she patches him up while scolding him to not worry about her and be more careful, and the whole time hes looking up at her and thinking hes seeing the most beautiful girl ever and confesses. and its all fluffy where i just want to cry TT-TT. anyways thank you!!! and stay safe

Okay here it is! Yall really know me because Shinso is one of my fave boys and I would die for him because he just seems so cuddly and inviting. I hope you enjoy!

Shinso was beaten pretty badly after a group of guys tried to mug you. He hissed as you pressed a small towel with alcohol to the cut above his eye. “Sorry” you said as you smiled sheepishly at him. You had been friends with him for over a year now considering the two of you had been in the same class your first year at U.A. You had gotten separated from your friends due to the crowd which somehow ended with you in an alley with 3 men. It was truly luck that Shinso had been the one to find you. The unlucky part is when the 3 guys decided to target him for trying to get in the way. Of course he used his quirk but only that could do so much once the other two realized what Hitoshi could do. As they started to beat him you took the opportunity to try and use your own quirk. It wasn’t a strong one but at least it would help you escape.

“Thanks for helping me back there. I owe you” He stared up at you as he sat on the lid of the toilet in his dorm room. “I’m a hero it’s my job” his answer made you giggle. “I’m happy you still hang out with us gen ed kids now that you’re in the hero course Shin, but that doesn’t mean you can just go and try to fight 3 guys at once especially by yourself! That was stupid” He flashed you a smile as a way to prove he was okay which quickly turned into a wince once the towel touched his open wound yet again. “You better not do something stupid like that again! I was ready to throw my purse and run before you got there. At least you wouldn’t have been hurt. Gosh Sensei Aizawa is gonna kill me when he sees the way you look.”

“Don’t worry I wouldn’t let anything happen to you” he gently placed his hand over yours. ‘Shit shit shit’ is all that could go through your head. His hands were so soft, softer than you had ever imagined. His lilac eyes looked into yours. A slight pink tint was dusted on his cheeks. You would be lying if you said that it didn’t make him look more attractive. “Your cut could leave a tiny scar if we don’t put anything on it. Not that there would be anything wrong with getting a scar. I’m sure you would look just as handsome as you do now” Realizing that you had just admitted to finding him attractive a wave of heat hit your face. He pulled the hand he held in his towards his mouth. Planting a kiss on your knuckles that were slightly bruised from punching one of the guys in the back.

You watched as he licked his thumb and then wiped it on your cheek. It was as if you were in a movie where the hottest guy in school somehow picked you over the rest of the people who had a crush on him. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. If you had been any farther from him you probably wouldn’t have been able to understand what he had said, but you did. Your breathing hitched and he could tell you were nervous. He let your hand go and slowly rose from the seat towards the door. “Come on, it's almost curfew so let me walk you back to your dorm.”

He slipped his hand into yours and pulled you towards the gen ed dorms. Of course you didn’t protest him holding your hand. He had been your crush for sometime now but when he switched into the hero course you were too afraid to confess your feelings. You noticed that he was pulling you towards a small garden that the beautification club had planted a few weeks prior. He sat down on the small bench under a tree while you stayed standing. “Shin, what are we doing here?” he motioned for you to sit next to him so you did. The moonlight made his skin glow and it just enhanced his beauty even more.

“Y/n)” his voice pulled you out of the trance that his face had put you under. You stared into his eyes as he moved his hand to touch your cheek. You could feel his fingertips ghost the side of your face as if he was debating on touching you or not. This time your instincts acted first and you craned your neck slightly to have his hand finally meet your skin. You sighed. His touch felt like home to you, you only hoped that the two of you could stay like this forever. You could hear him mumble something that your brain couldn’t process into words. “I’m sorry what did you say?” this time you focused on his lips in order to read what he was saying in case he mumbled again.

“I like you, I have for a long time now. Being in that fight today reminded me how time was precious. You could slip through my fingers and any moment and I never want that to happen, I’m not only becoming a hero for me but for you. I will fight to protect you no matter what. If you don’t feel the same way that's okay I am ready to accept that.” A smile grew on your face as tears began to spill from your eyes. “Oh gosh I’m sorry. I don’t mean to cry, I just feel like I’m in a dream. I’ve had a crush on you for probably about six months now so this feels surreal.”

His own smile widened as he pulled you in for a hug. He smelled like rain and fresh tea. You held each other for a while just to take in his scent and memorizing the way his body felt against yours. You may get scolded tomorrow morning by your class rep for coming in slightly past curfew but you didn’t care. All that mattered in this moment was you holding him the way you had wanted to for the last few months. He pulled away slightly and placed a kiss on your forehead. “I want to hold you forever.” He mumbled against your skin. “I hope that you will”

#my hero academia #boku no hero academia #my hero academia x reader #boku no hero imagines #hitoshi shinsou #bnha hitoshi #shinsou x reader #mha shinsou #shinsou hitoshi #hitoshi shinso x reader #shinsou fluff

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thanks--for--listening · 4 years

Text

all these people think love’s for show (but I would die for you in secret)

yes im finally back with fic! this time its korrasami tho bc my avatar obsession has not let me go yet. and yes its based on peace by taylor swift lol (also on ao3)

I’d give you my sunshine, give you my best, but the rain is always gonna come if you’re standing with me

Korra always came back to the sky. When the noise became too much, when the voices and the faces wouldn’t relent. Staring at the stars made her feel small, reminded her that the world was bigger than the images in her head. It was always changing, the constellations and the colors from the portals shifting as time passed, but in the end that change brought something new. Something good. Something beautiful.

“Can’t sleep?” She turned, saw Asami standing in the doorway, arms wrapped around her stomach. It made her wonder if it was cold out here, if she would even notice anymore. After everything her body had been through, she couldn’t gauge her standards, couldn’t figure out whether she felt something normally or too much or not at all. Did she not feel the chill in the air because she grew up in the South, or because she’d felt the life drain out of her, felt a cold so deep the definition had changed completely? Could she ever care for someone like Asami, someone so perfect and beautiful and normal, when she was so permanently damaged she couldn’t even begin to see the extent of her own scars?

Korra tried to snap out of it, searched for something she could offer her and came up empty. She fought back the urge to light a fire on the balcony floor just to keep her warm as she nodded. Asami sighed, walked up to her until they were standing side by side, arms leaning on the railing in front of them. “Yeah, me neither.”

“You wanna talk about it?” Korra asked.

Asami turned, raised an eyebrow at her. “Do you?” She shook her head, and when Asami laughed, she swore she felt a spark inside her, the embers of a flame that had burned quietly for so long finally finding the space to grow. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

Silence floated in, gentle and easy, leading their attention back to the sky. The whole city seemed to be asleep, everyone exhausted from the past few days. She thought she’d appreciate the moment of relief, but there was something unsettling about staring into the streets and seeing nothing but vines and rubble. She’d spent her entire life used to the empty, to open space with nothing but sky and silence to fill it, but here it looked all wrong. It looked like another thing she’d ruined. Republic City would never go back to what it once was, to what it was supposed to be, to what Aang had dreamed it could be, and it was entirely her fault.

“Hey,” Asami‘s voice nearly startled her. “You okay?” She didn’t understand why she was asking until she followed her gaze, looked down and saw the metal railing bent and broken underneath her hands.

Korra sighed. “I thought when the battle was over, this stuff would get easier. I’m beginning to think it’ll always be this hard.”

“I’m sorry,” Asami said. “I feel like I kept pestering you after Zaheer. Kept trying to get you to talk to me, to let me help you, but now...I can understand why you wouldn’t want to. Why you couldn’t.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. You did everything right. I’m the one who messed that all up.”

“Don’t be silly, of course you didn’t.”

“Yeah, I did. I messed everything up with Zaheer, with Kuvira. With Mako and Tenzin.” She hesitated, before adding, “With you.”

“You haven’t messed anything up with me.”

“But I will.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, this,” Korra gestured toward the yellow beam shooting up into the sky, “isn’t going away. It isn’t going to stop. And as long as you’re with me, you’ll always have to deal with it. And someone as good and kind and wonderful as you shouldn’t have to suffer because you love someone like me.”

“Who said I’m suffering?” Korra glared at her, but Asami didn’t relent, didn’t soften her gaze. “I’m serious. Being with you has only made my life better.”

“Since you met me, you’ve been arrested, captured, stranded in the desert, and forced to fight some of the strongest benders in the world. Oh, and you almost had to sell your company. Let’s not forget that.”

“I also met some amazing people, learned how to take care of myself and my business, and made sure the Sato legacy wouldn’t be associated with hate and fear. You showed me that I could be more than I’d ever thought possible. If I’d never met you, I don’t know who’d I’d be now, but it wouldn’t be me. Not really.”

She didn’t want to say it, didn’t want to let out the words that had been eating away at her since the battle, but she couldn’t keep them in anymore, couldn’t let Asami look at her and not know the truth. “You lost your dad,” Korra said quietly, “because of a monster I created.”

“No. I didn’t. I—“ she bit her lip, and Korra watched as she swallowed, blinked back the tears that she knew would force themselves out sooner or later. “I lost him because he made a choice. To sacrifice himself for the greater good. To fight Kuvira, who you did not create. You stopped her, in a way only you could.”

“I should have stopped her sooner. If I had been stronger, if I had taken her down the first time, if I hadn’t been so weak, maybe—maybe I—“

Korra felt her words disappear, felt tears of her own threaten to make an appearance, but the feeling of Asami’s hands over her own buried whatever emotion had tried to fight it’s way to the surface. She squeezed hard, like she was holding her together, and Korra wondered if maybe she was, if one person could be that strong. If two hands were all it took to keep someone intact. “You are not weak, Korra.” Asami spoke as if she was giving a command, and she felt compelled to listen. “You are the strongest, bravest, most selfless person I know. But even you can’t stop bad things from happening. None of us can.”

“But I’m the Avatar. I’m supposed to help people. Save people.”

“And you have. How many people did you save by creating that spirit portal? By defeating Unalaq? By stopping Zaheer?”

“Yeah, but— I just—“ she searched for the words, found them buried underneath the rubble of every version of herself that came before tonight. “I just wish it didn’t hurt all the time. And I know what Tenzin said, but I wish being me, being with me, didn’t mean a lifetime of desperately trying to prevent bad people from doing bad things. It’s like I’m always fighting, like I’m always gonna be fighting. And I’m so tired, Asami. Sometimes I wish it would all just stop. Not for a day, or a week, but forever.”

They didn’t say anything, not at first. Korra looked down, stared at their hands, still pressed together. She waited for the words she knew would come, waited for Asami to recoil, to tell her it was too much, that she was too much. That she wasn’t worth it. That the brief periods of peace would never be enough to outweigh the pain and suffering that would always follow. And when she did, when she reached her breaking point and walked away, Korra knew she’d let her go. She’d gotten more time than she’d ever expected already — she wouldn’t allow herself to be greedy and ask for more, no matter how badly she wanted to keep those hands wrapped around hers.

“It isn’t fair,” Asami finally said, “that you have to go through this. You didn’t decide to be the Avatar. You didn’t pick this life. But I did. I choose you, Korra. Today, tomorrow, and every day after that. I’m in this no matter what.”

Korra looked up, tried and failed to hide the surprise in her eyes. “Even if it hurts?”

“Even if it hurts. I want it all: the good, the bad, and everything in between.”

Korra hesitated, just for a minute. In her wildest dreams she couldn’t have written this, couldn’t have imagined a world where after everything that happened, Asami wants to stay. Wants her. And maybe it was selfish, and maybe she was damning her to a life that no one should ever have to live, but she couldn’t lie and pretend that she didn’t want her more than anything, couldn’t walk away when she was standing in front of her, couldn’t stop from confessing every secret she’d tried to bury in the name of survival.

“If you’ll let me, I choose you, too. I don’t want to spend my restless nights with anyone else. And I know I can’t give you the life you deserve, but if it’s enough, whatever I have is yours. Always.”

Asami stepped closer, threw her arms around her. Korra fell into them, let herself get lost in the feeling of Asami’s embrace. She felt safe, in a way she didn’t anywhere else. The world couldn’t touch her here.

She didn’t know how long they stood wrapped in each other’s arms. Korra didn’t care— she’d spend a lifetime in this moment if she could. She probably would have tried, if she didn’t hear Asami yawning into her shoulder, didn’t feel exhaustion weighing heavily on her own eyes.

She forced herself to step back, to lean out of her arms just enough to look her in the eyes. “So much for not talking about it, huh?” Korra said, and she knew photos could never do it justice but she wished she had a way to capture the look on Asami’s face when she smiled, when she laughed quietly, just for her to hear.

Asami pulled her closer. “Don’t let go yet,” she sighed into her chest, “You’re warm.”

“We should probably head back inside, anyway — see if we can salvage any more sleep tonight.”

Korra wouldn’t have caught it if Asami hadn’t been wrapped up in her arms; instead, she felt the tension shoot through her body like an echo, until her shoulders went stiff and her hands squeezed a little tighter.

“Asami,” she said slowly. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she answered too quickly. “I just like being out here. I don’t think I’m ready to head inside yet.”

“Asami. Talk to me. Why don’t you want to go back to bed?” She looked at her, really looked at her, and this time she saw the bags under her eyes and the desperation in them, and quietly added, “Did you sleep at all tonight?”

Korra watched her hesitate, and patience had never been her strongest virtue but she willed herself to wait. Her efforts were rewarded; Asami shook her head, stared at the ground and whispered, “I don’t want to see it again.”

“See what ag—oh.” Realization swept over her, and she cursed herself for not putting it together sooner, for not thinking about what could have possibly led her to also be awake in the dead of night. “Oh, Asami. I’m so sorry.”

Asami looked up, and the tears that had threatened earlier fell all too quickly now. Something inside Korra broke at the sight. She pulled her closer on instinct, held her and pretended it would be enough. She wondered if this would be their future, holding each other together to keep them both from falling to pieces, wondered how many nights they’d spend exactly like this, running from nightmares that didn’t disappear when they opened their eyes.

Korra waited until she heard the cries settle, until Asami stopped shaking in her arms, to ask, “Can you tell me about it?”

Asami shook her head. “You’ll blame yourself,” she said, her words decisive, quiet but powerful. “I won’t let you hurt like that.”

“I won’t let you hurt like this, either.”

“You can’t fix everything, Korra.”

“I can try.”

Asami stepped back, looked up at her, and Korra swore she smiled, just a little, just for a second. “It—“ Asami started, searching for words before she continued. “It makes me feel so helpless. The watching, the waiting. Every time I see it I know he’s...that he’s gone, but then you disappear into that machine. And no matter how many times I try and tell myself that it isn’t real anymore, that it’s over, part of me never knows if you’re going to make it out. Not until I wake up and see you for myself.”

There was a war inside her. Korra the Avatar wanted to ball up her fists, wanted to feel her fire burn, wanted to fight the pain away so that Asami would never hurt again. Korra the girl wanted to pull her closer and never let go, wanted to make promises she couldn’t keep just to make her feel better, even if it wouldn’t last. As battle waged within herself, whichever Korra was left behind wanted to ball up and cry. She knew she’d been right, knew that no matter what Asami said, she couldn’t possibly want to hold onto this much pain. She knew that it didn’t matter which Korra won the fight in the end — not a single version of her was worth it.

“I’m sorry,” Korra finally said. She had a million other apologies sitting at the tip of her tongue but she forced them back.

Asami read her mind anyway. “Not your fault,” she said. “I’ll remind you every time if you need me to.”

“Still. I’m sorry you’re hurting.”

Asami sighed, as if the very admission of her pain was something to be frustrated about. “I don’t understand why it hurts this much, though. A month ago we weren’t even on speaking terms. I spent years hating him for what he did. And I was right. He did so many awful things to so many people, and a few games of Pai Sho can’t make up for that. So why can’t I stop seeing him?”

“He was still your father, Asami. All those years he spent raising you don’t just go away. You have a right to be sad about what you lost.”

“That’s the thing, Korra,” she said quietly, like she didn’t trust the words coming out of her mouth. “Sometimes, I’m not sure I’m sad. I’m mad. I’m mad that he went against everything he ever taught me. I’m mad that he fought for someone who hated what you are. I’m mad that he left me alone, that he didn’t even give me the choice.”

Korra reached for her again, searched for any words that could have possibly helped but came up empty, left only with a mantra of apologies that would never fill the hole left behind. She knew that feeling, understood with brutal clarity what it felt like to lose her agency, to be left at the will of those around her when she was the one who would suffer the consequences. It was a feeling she wouldn’t wish on anyone. And as she stood there, Asami’s head on her chest, she knew that she could never be the one to make her feel that way. Stay, leave, fight, run — no matter what she wanted, it could never be up to her.

“I’m sorry.” Asami’s voice broke through her own internal ramblings.

Korra failed to hide her incredulity. “What could you possibly have to be sorry for?”

“I came out here to try and help you, and then I turned and made it all about myself.”

“Oh, stop it.”

“I’m serious, Korra.”

“So am I. You think I have the monopoly on pain? That I’m the only person who can ever be comforted?” She stepped back, placed her hands on the side of her face and made sure she was staring right into her eyes as she said, “I love you Asami, and that means that I’ll always be here to listen, or hold you, or do whatever it is you need. Anytime, anywhere.”

Asami smiles back at her. “I love you, too.”

“And,” Korra added, “as much as I wish I could keep you away from all the shit that comes with being me, I promise I’ll never take the choice away from you. If you want in, you’re in. If you want me, I’m yours.”

Asami leaned forward, kissed her cheek, and Korra thought she might burst into flames right there on the balcony. “Thank you,” she whispered.

They stood there for a minute, and she knew they should head back inside but she wanted one more moment of whatever this was. Peace, maybe, or something like it. Something close enough.

“We really should go back inside,” she finally conceded, “but I think I have an idea.” She stepped forward, held her hand out behind her. “Trust me?”

Asami reached for it without hesitation. “Always.”

Korra smiled, led her back into her temporary bedroom, held onto her until they were laying side by side, with just an inch of space between them.

“You said when you wake up, you never know if I made it out. If I’m okay. This way you’ll know.”

“I bet you use that line on all the girls,” Asami said, and she could hear the smile in her voice, but she couldn’t help herself from responding seriously.

“There’s no one else. Never has been. Just you.”

Asami erased the space between them, moved so her head rested on Korra’s shoulder, and she wondered how it had taken her so long to realize how well they fit together, how she could have possibly lived so long in a world without this.

“Does it ever go away?” Asami asked after a minute, her voice drifting away from their lighthearted jokes, soft and sad and lacking the hope Korra wished she could give her.

She thought of her own ghosts, of the scenes that played in her head like clockwork, of the way she could still find herself choking on air as she opened her eyes. She thought about the more recent additions, the way Kuvira had swapped places with Zaheer the past few nights, haunting her as relentlessly as her predecessor. “I don’t know. But it does get easier, after a while.”

“I wish I could have been there to help you. I wish I didn’t stay when you left. I wish—“

“You’re here now. That’s all that matters to me.”

They laid there for a few minutes, and here, when it was just them, Korra felt the silence return. It didn’t carry the weight of the world, didn't bring anything with it. It simply filled the space around them, provided a comfort she wasn’t used to.

“Korra,” Asami whispered. “Is it okay if I’m still scared?”

“Yeah. Is it okay if I am, too?” She felt Asami nod. “Then we’ll take on the night together. Fear and all.”

“Even if it hurts?”

She couldn’t stop herself from smiling, even as she felt her eyes close, her arms pulling Asami closer still. “Even if it hurts.”

#please let me know what u think a bitch thrives on validation from others #korrasami #atla #tlok #TFLAO3 #fanfic #korra #asami sato #the legend of korra #legend of korra

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hahanoiwont · 6 years

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a concept

Virgil in his Angsty Villain Phase still trying to help people.

Patton’s pretending not to have a bad day. No one notices bc he’s really good at that but Virgil happens to enter the kitchen right as he does that thing, you know, where you wipe your eyes and take a deep, shuddering breath and paste on a smile and keep going.

And he owes this guy nothing, okay, Patton never wants him around any more than anyone else, but Virgil is remembering Patton being nice to him a time or two and he wants to help. So he goes to Logan and Roman and gives a spooky monologue that strongly implies that he’s done something terrible to Morality, all part of his grand plan to uh,,, hurt Thomas? keep him from having fun and realizing his dreams? or whatever everyone thinks he wants out of his life. muahahahaha. It is clearly too late to save Morality. Don’t even try.

So Logan and Roman, of course, go to see what the fuck Anxiety did to Morality. And they catch him in a stressbaking crying jag and Anxiety is largely forgotten while they help him to recover. With the support of his friends, Patton feels a lot better.

Logan gets frustrated another day because no one will listen to him and they keep shutting him out in pursuit of wild fancy. He is TRYING his BEST but everyone just seems to want to pretend that Logic isn’t necessary! No one even cares what he has to say! And maybe someone goes a little far and says that he isn’t helping, and what would he know about how to keep Thomas happy, anyway? And Logan is just SO FRUSTRATED, but no one is LISTENING and no one CARES and he is just about ready to sink out and leave them to their devices.

So Virgil, who popped up as soon as sides started fighting each other, just starts spouting random bullshit. No, Roman, we will never be successful. We’re not learning to be adult. Everything we have ever done has had no effect on the world and we will die alone. No one cares about us. Like some of it is stuff Virgil actually worries about but most of it is stuff he knows Logan can and will fight him on. And he just fucking refuses to listen to anyone else until Logan steps in and outlines, point by point, exactly why everything he says makes no logical sense and how, although they can always stand to improve, they’re doing pretty darned well.

Virgil, being kind of a dramatic little shit, does a whole overblown villain speech about how he’s been bested by the strong hand of Logic and his plans have been ~~foiled~~ but hE WILL BE BACK, so just WATCH AND WAIT, because ONE DAY YOU WON’T HAVE LOGIC TO SAVE YOU

And Roman says that actually, Logan can be kind of a hero, too, as Anxiety makes his ‘escape.’ Logan gets a win in and now he’s feeling valued. score. (also virgil had so much fun just shutting Roman down every time he tried to speak)

When Roman has his bad day, that’s the hardest. What the fuck do you do for him? He has a literal goddamned sword, Virgil isn’t gonna play his bad guy any harder than he has to for fear of ending up skewered. But Roman is feeling useless and discouraged and yeah, he doesn’t deserve to feel that way, even if he can be obnoxious. So Virgil’s Plan A is to summon spiders in front of Patton so Roman can vanquish them, but Patton fucking murders them in a way that is deeply frightening for both Roman and Virgil to see, so Virgil has to try again. He needs someone in distress for Roman to ‘save.’

Logan doesn’t play a very good damsel (and can kick Virgil’s ass), and the indignity of having Roman save him would mean Virgil just has to help him out of a bad day again, and in the confrontation he might hurt Roman’s feelings, so the problem doesn’t even get solved. He’s out. And the other darker sides might possibly be able to help, but Virgil either doesn’t trust their good intentions or doesn’t trust their acting abilities, and if Roman figures out it’s a trick he’ll probably stab first and ask questions never. They’re all out. So clearly it’s up to Virgil to need Roman’s ‘help.’

He makes this whole plan to ask Roman for help on something creative, with explanations for every part of the scenario, and approaches Roman with just enough guarded hostility and humiliation that he buys it. But as soon as he hears “I need your help with--” Roman immediately goes to the recent Valentine’s video. Clearly, since Anxiety’s wooing idea was never played out, he must be asking for help with how to ask someone out!

So poor Virgil has to sit through an entire afternoon of Roman explaining how to make Hypothetical Valerie think he’s awesome and feel appreciated, with copious examples of grand gestures and heroic acts from Roman. But at the end of it Roman seems to have recovered somewhat, and he expresses that he’s always happy to offer inspiration to the ‘romantically hopeless and frankly kind of depressing.’ So Virgil chalks that one up to a success and goes home and screams into his pillow. why does he bother.

Now, in classic 3-to-1 format, this may end in Virgil having his own bad day (or in my wildest dreams, 3 bad days, one with each side offering their own ideas of ‘help’), or it could just be these three interactions, but guys I just love Virgil being a good bad guy. Just using his Definite Malice which Totally Exists, Yo to make things better for his counterparts. Just. “evil” virgil doing good things badly. He doesn’t know what he’s doing but he’s doing his best. Please guys I need it

@stella-scriptor I feel like you would appreciate this

#virgil sanders #sanders sides virgil #patton sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #look i have a mighty need oka #please someone write this #or direct me to where it already exists

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cheap-pack-of-cigarettes · 5 years

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50 Questions Tag

tagged by @sevenpeaches

1. What takes too much of your time?

thinking about shit I don’t want to lmao

2. What makes your day better?

knowing harry’s can drop hs2 at any moment

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today?

finding this fucking hysterical youtube channel of this guy that watches movies and roasts them

4. What fictional place would you go to?

the first place I thought of was Genovia

5. Are you good at giving advice?

tbh I really don’t know

6. Do you have any mental illness?

maybe undiagnosed anxiety idk

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

fortunately no

8. What musician inspired you the most?

is it even shocking that i’m gonna say harry styles ..?

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

honestly, I don’t know maybe I did

10. What’s your dream date?

bold of you to assume i’d ever be asked on a date

11. What do others notice about you?

i’m not everyone else so I really have no clue lmao maybe my freckles ?

12. What is an annoying habit you have?

cracking my knuckles maybe

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

BIG no

14. How many ex’s do you have?

so like in HS i had a bf for like a week but I didn’t really like him and only said yes bc he kept asking (we love peer pressure) and the other one we were best friends and we never dated even though he asked me a lot, I never felt right to be in that kind of relationship with him but I loved him a lot

15. How many songs are in your playlist?

I have 19 different playlists ( 6 of them being kpop) so in conclusion: far too much

16. What instruments can you play?

none

17. Who do you have the most pictures of?

harry

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

pairs or ireland

19. What is your zodiac?

capricorn

20. Do you relate to it?

I think in some aspects

21. What is happiness to you?

I know people think i’m being dramatic but when I say it’s literally harry styles I mean it. Do you blame me though? i’ve loved him for 9 years, he got me through some really rough shit and just listening to his voice puts me at ease and can turn my mood around in an instant

22. Are you going through anything right now?

i’ve hit the point in my life where i’m actually realizing that I’m an adult

23. What’s the worse decision you’ve ever made?

getting close to someone I thought wouldn’t hurt me

24. What’s your favorite store?

I don’t think I have one? maybe Sephora but even then I shop online

25. What’s your opinion on abortion?

I’m pro-choice. Women have a right to do what they want to their own bodies. No matter how the pregnancy occurs, it’s the woman’s choice if they want to keep the child or not

26. Do you have a bucket list?

lmao not a written one

27. Do you have a favorite album?

harry styles, made in the am, 7 for 7, Al1, verse 2

28. What do you want for your birthday?

well my birthday is 9 months away so I want harry’s new album

29. What are people’s first impression of you?

probably that i’m quiet. I don’t really talk around people until I’m comfortable

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

i’ve heard that I look about 16

31. Where do you keep your phone while you sleep?

on the pillow next to me

32. What word do you say the most?

‘bro’ maybe who knows lmaooo

33. What’s the oldest age you would date?

ok considering i’m 19 and have never been in a serious relationship, I feel like atm the oldest I would date is like 21

34. What’s the youngest age you would date?

eighteen

35. what job/career do most people say would suit you?

my family has always said a prosecuter but jokes on them I cry at literally an emotion that isn’t happiness

36. What’s your favorite music genre?

harry styles & kpop

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

England 100%

38. What is your current favorite song?

focus by jus2 & the entirety of hozier’s new album

39. How long have you had this blog for?

omfg like 5/6 years? I think I made my account back in 2013

40. What are you excited for?

for it to get warmer out so I can watch the sunsets

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

listener. i’m shit at talking, you can vent to me any time but I usually don’t know what to say back bc I don’t want to make the situation worse

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

laundry ssksjskdjksjdks

43. What do you want for Christmas?

to see harry live in concert again :(

44. What class do you get the best grades in?

history and english

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

about a 7

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years?

being an intellectual and still stanning harry & got7

47. When did you first get your heartbreak?

2015 when zayn left one direction (but seriously like 2016 i think)

48. At what age do you want to get married?

tbh in my twenties but with my commitment issues it’s more unlikely than you think!

49. What career did you want to have as a child?

I know this is stupid but for so many years I wanted to be a princess bc I watched The Princess Bride everyday and so badly wanted to be Buttercup (to this day I still want my own Westley)

50. What do you crave right now?

harry content :(

that was a journey! tagging: @focusonjb @empressjiaer @selectivelysalty

#tag #50 questions

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theatrestruggles · 6 years

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Love, Death, Theatre, and Beer

“Instant gratification is not soon enough,” –Meryl Streep I’m cooling down now. Bit of a tricky week, but things have settled down a little. About to crack open a beer with my buddies, play a nice card game, and have a good talk about community theatre with a close friend of mine. What could be better? Of course, we are all united by the theater, and the aforementioned ill fate of it at our college–what with it being stomped into closure and all. Our Board of Trustees for the school decided the arts department was “just frosting,” and thought the community would be more well-rounded without the arts. Man, that beer tastes a hell of a lot better when you need it this badly. But it’s a Friday night, the shitstorm of our college is–in our minds–on pause, and now it’s time for a little game called Joking Hazard.

Joking Hazard is this game my buddy Matt helped crowdfund. It’s made by Cyanide and Happiness, and it’s a lot like Cards Against Humanity, but with illustrations and not just words. And I’m losing. I always lose at games like this. I like to blame the horrible cards in my hand rather than the possibility that I have the sense of humor of Lifetime movie scriptwriter. That’s not a good sense of humor. But it’s 7:46PM, and despite my questionable sense of humor, I find myself laughing at how silly I’ve been all week. Getting all worked up about politics makes me feel half-psychotic. There’s definitely a lesson to be learned, but still–being hesitant about my blog and what to share on it (and I go to great lengths to share the college’s political mess destroying our theater), it’s a feeling I’m not used to. So hopefully it was worth it. But tonight I’m in a contemplative mood. I’m wondering where I will be next week. Could we maybe find out that our theater is back in good shape, looking at a future brighter than LED lights in a gas station at 2AM? Or could we be finding out that the entire college has totally imploded, having no job to even return to? Or could a meteor come cascading down on top of Yellowstone, throwing us into a volcanic winter (if the meteor doesn’t just blow up the world alone) and forcing us to scavenge for food, eventually leading us to cannibalism and tribal divide? Sounds a bit like a Trump presidency. I hate these moods, but I have to admit that they bring oodles of creative inspiration… for better or worse. Enough to write a post at least. Nonetheless, tonight is fine. But the passing of time is heavier than usual. I think about the theater. It is my passionate lover, with all the heat and discord a passionate lover would bring. If I could drunk text the theater, I would. I’d tell it I wanna be inside it. I’d tell it I wanna perform Shakespeare inside it, speak a soliloquy between the curtains. She’s sexy, she really is. I don’t mean to be a dog, I’m usually not–but that theater, man. She brings out the best of me AND the worst of me. I love her, what can I say? I wanna take her out on a date, tell her some REALLY awful jokes, get to know her better. And then I wanna get to work in her, because it’s my passion. Wait a minute… what do you think I meant there? You devil, you. Seriously, though, if I could make her my wife, I totally would. Who wouldn’t wanna put a ring on that proscenium? Be a pretty big ring, though. Expensive, too. Shit. I might have to rethink this marriage thing. Not sure I’m ready for that level of commitment, anyway. But the thought of sitting in the park with her some years down the road, our tiny little baby theaters running around playing tug-o-war with one of their fly lines… it’s very enticing. That’s the dream, isn’t it? We’ll watch our little baby theaters grow up into comedies or dramas, or whatever else they feel like being–we wanna let them make their own path. Yeah. And there MY theater would be, we’d grow old together. Well, she’s already old, she was born sometime in the 3rd century BC, but she doesn’t look a day over 40. That would be happily ever after, if I could just drunk text her to get things started. Then… back to the current situation. She’s dying, isn’t she? Kevin Spacey once referred to it as “Doctor Theatre.” So why is she dying now? Suddenly, the picture shifts. Suddenly, I don’t wanna drunk text her. I wanna be alongside her, telling her everything will be okay. I can hear the sounds of monitors, the chimes and beeps of her life support. It will have to be pulled soon. The theater’s ceiling leaks from time to time when it rains, and suddenly it seems like tears. She’s crying, and her days are numbered. What, helpless as the lover by her deathbed, do I do? Do I tell her everything will be okay? Do I lie? Do I say that my days with her were ones that would live with me for the rest of my life? That I learned from her, lived with her, grew with her? Do I play Joking Hazard with her so she can laugh at how horrible my sense of humor is? But that’s just distraction. Distraction is like a slingshot; the longer the distraction, the farther it’s pulled back to shoot you in the eye the moment it’s done. I realize there is nothing I can do. I cannot even pull the plug and end it, because that responsibility belongs to her father, who has much more of a right to feel robbed and heartbroken than I do. What a mess. What a mess. DAMN IT! My friends are laughing at me, because I haven’t scored once in this freaking game! All the cards keep going to Moira, who’s sitting across the table from me. She just said she has a more “universal” sense of humor, and we’re all shifting in frustration. At least I’m not the only one. This will be something to gripe about on Monday. Monday. Suddenly, the upcoming week enters my mind yet again. It’s more uncomfortable every time I return to it. There’s a bit of solace though, because I’ve just remembered how strong the theater is. She is much stronger than I am. Much older, too. Much moodier, that’s for damn sure. She’ll be comedic for a few months, then downright tragic the next few, then maybe right back to comedic. She’s a seasonal bitch. Tight on money for a long time. Has many friends who come to see her. Does what she wants to do, whether it’s sunny or rainy or snowy, or if the flags are at half mast. Yeah. She’s a juggernaut if you don’t look too closely. If you part her black curtains, you’ll see what’s hidden there. She’ll give you the limelight, but just as easily turn it off. She makes you think you can tell her what to do, but in the end, it’s all her say. So many people have tried to be her lover–billions upon billions have, in fact. But in the end, you gotta be her type. So many people have tried to shut her down, even succeeding sometimes. But in the end, she comes back and changes the whole game. And yet. The one I love is dying. AH HA! Finally got a card! The first card the judge put down read, “Who even are you?” and the card I put down in response read, “By law, I’m required to tell you that I am a sex offender.” Killer. Everybody laughed at that one. Is it high brow? Of course it isn’t, but it got me a card and a laugh, so fuck off. She loves laughter, the theater. She’s been the home for a great many laughs. Also a great many fucking complaints. A great many tears. It’s funny how many facets there are to her personality. Her richer, more popular neighbor, Sports, is very similar–so many people can oftentimes forget about the theater. Sports has more friends in higher places around here. It seems now that does come back to bite you. Doing whatever you want doesn’t quite get you that kind of network, so the theater understandably has a hard time. There are times and places to be a loose cannon like theater is, but this is not the time–and it certainly is not the place. This community college… you’ve gotta be kidding me. You should have been smarter, theater. You should have known. How could you have been so blind? You’ve been here years and years, this has been a long time coming. Come on! Now the ones you love are feeling the hurt. Now the ones who’ve been with you all this time, the ones who watched you grow and built you up, now THEY are the ones who are gonna be lost when you’re gone. How could you…? We all gotta watch our backs in the world, what makes you so fucking different? What makes you invincible? You should have known. We loved you, lived with you, and now we gotta be the ones to pull the cord, NOT YOU. All our memories, all our books, scripts, all our friendships, connections, all our laughs, our cries, our whines, our complaints, our loves, our hates, our work, our passion, THROWN OUT. You should have played ball. Sports plays ball just fine, why can’t you be like Sports? Why couldn’t you have just been smarter? You should have known. Crap. It’s been my turn for a few seconds now, and everyone was awkwardly staring at me while I did nothing. Oh, well. I set my card down. Everyone begins shuffling through their decks, looking for that one that’s gonna make the table die with laughter. I wonder what they’ll pick. Probably something better than anything I’ve picked so far. I should know, I only have one point. Keizo sets one down. Matt does after. Moira (fucking Moira) sets another one down that’s sure to be a winner. Thomas does. Tirece does. Random guy I don’t know across the table does. I have all their cards now, and it’s time to judge. Who am I to judge you? Who am I to tell you to be something else? You’ve been around much longer than I have, worked with more people than I have, lived with them–and yet I’m trying to teach you? Fuck me. I can’t even win a card game, much less tell you what you should do better. I don’t know what it must be like, doing the work you do. I certainly have my criticisms, yeah. But you, YOU… you’re theatre. You’re the thing that has taught civilizations how to live, how to enjoy. You’re the thing that cultivated and raised your stuck-up children, Film, Radio, and YouTube. How the hell did you manage that, anyway? Yet here I am… I dared to say you should have been more like Sports to survive. What an idiot. I’m sorry. I’m just desperate. Comes with the love, you know. That desperation. That fear of losing what you love. Love brings out the best of us, up until it doesn’t. And I do love you. That’s what makes this tricky. That’s what makes this frightening. I’ve loved you for so long, and yet… you’re leaving. You seemed so invincible, I really thought you were invincible. It’s scary how intoxicating an illusion like that is. No matter how certain, permanent, invincible something seems–it isn’t. Everything changes. You change. When you are gone, I’ll have to gather my strength to remember again, to feel again that you are everywhere. You’re home. You’re in America. You’re in Canada. You’re in Istanbul. You’re in China. You’re in fucking North Korea, for Chrissake. And yet… YOU, my theater, will be gone. Tough pill to swallow, don’t you think? Are you comfortable, can I get you another pillow? Game over. Keizo wasn’t feeling well, so he left. That kind of ended the mood for the game. Shame, I was just starting to get good at it (I wasn’t). I think everyone’s about ready to go home, even though no one has said it yet. They will in a few minutes. Just watch. I’m telling you. “Nelson, can you drive me home?” Thomas asks. Told you, didn’t I? “Do you have any beer there?” I ask. If instant gratification were a concrete object, it would be beer. He nods. Thank God. Time to gather my things, which means this laptop too. Whew. Suddenly this feels like a eulogy. When I shut this computer, what will I be feeling the next time I open it? I might lose this feeling. I guess that’s kind of like theatre; you never always have it. You teach me so many things, you little shit. Wonder what you’ll teach me tomorrow. But, for now, it’s time to drive, then get suitably drunk and talk more about you with Thomas. Mind if I text you?

For more true stories, check out my blog, Absurd But Original.

#absurdbutoriginal #stories #submission

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imbriums-blog · 6 years

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hello my angels ! i’m sorry this is so late but i’m sarah & i’m 18 yrs old & live in the hellhole that is ohio so the est timezone ! i’m ur token harry potter nerd & lover of all things musical... anyways u can hear more about 5/10 of my problematic children under the cut ! i’m gonna try to keep it short but i lov to talk so we’ll see ! if you’re willing to plot give this post a big mf like & i’ll come crawlin’ to ur ims !

— ✯ | barbara delaney savenkov ! + pinterest board !

tw: death, murder

laura harrier, cisfemale, she/her — have you met barbara delaney savenkov yet ? the twenty-three year old is known for being both poised and enticing, but also very skeptical and deceiving. born in san francisco, barbie now lives in soho, waiting tables at the fork and assassinating people on the side for some extra cash. + wanted connections !

so barbara was born n raised in san francisco, california to a solidly middle class family. her parents were divorced growing up, although they were friendly & got along well enough to be friends & co-parent barbie. she’d always been quite an idealist like Yes The World Is Good but when she was twenty, her dad had died due to a rogue heart attack that seemingly happened for no reason & it completely shattered barbara.

that’s when a local gang found her, at her ultimate low, & roped her into their business. she stayed w them for two years or so & at some point or another barbara started to realize that she didn’t think this business & way to make money was a good one. eventually, they starting cutting pay & barbara started to feel like she was bein manipulated. working w the gang kind of made her give up her optimism & is what truly formed her into the stone cold but somehow still elegant & captivating barbie she is today ! her idealistic attitude & never-ending optimism died with all of the shady shit that gang made her do.

then barbara was offered a job as an assassin for a powerful man doin some shady shit & she was unable to refuse even tho her first instinct was to turn it down – it offered great money & stability, & with the impression that she’d only be hurting people who deserved it, barbara shakily accepted the deal & left the gang !

she’s not pleased w the fact that she’s murdering ppl for a living, obviously, but she tries to make do with what she has & tells herself that the ppl she’s killing deserve it but !! messy !

personality-wise, barbara comes off as super intimidating at first n like she just doesn’t have feelings… super proper n always sitting upright n stiff as fuck… scares ppl away bc she seems like a robot at first

she's that kid who studies for the test like 3 weeks before it actually happens and has color coordinated highlighting and bullet journals.. she wants to be on top of everything, constantly – she doesn’t like feeling unorganized or like she’s falling apart ? i think it’s partially bc she tends to over perfect areas of her life like that, and like color coordinating her closet and making sure everything is tidy to make up for the Mess that is her secret career ??

one of the most annoying things ever is how perfect she seems on the surface ?? like, she likes everybody n is probably the type of person who rescues stray kittens from trees n sings as little birdies fly down & comb her hair or some shit but anyone close to barbie in real life knows she is a hardcore mess

that friend who’s like “oh my god i look so fat in this picture” n literally everybody groans bc shut the fuck up karen ur perfect

could literally say “fuck off” to somebody n the tone of voice she uses would make them think she was complimenting them

— ✯ | cordelia esther king ! + pinterest board !

alycia debnam-carey, cisfemale, she/her — have you met cordelia esther king yet ? the twenty-two year old is known for being both affable and buoyant, but also very whimsical and corybantic. born in salem, delia now lives in lambeth, working as a wedding planner and forming unrealistic expectations of true love.

so ngl cordelia is very inspired by jane from 27 dresses but w/ some twists so i’m not completely unoriginal

she was born to a pastor for a father in salem aka witch town ! cordelia was raised as kind of a perfect goody goody two shoes u know.. classic girl next door who sleeps w a teddy bear even at twenty-two & her entire room is covered in pink, she spends her spare time baking n blushing over boys smiling at her wtvr... she was always strong-willed & opinionated but shut up out of fear of being made fun of u know, kids these days r mean

so then when cordelia is old enough to leave her parents house ( let’s say like a year ago ) she decides that she’s tired of being the nice girl in the shadows & that she wants to live life more on the edge so she vows to start living life dangerously & being badass... whatever that means

it’s actually kind of funny, because she’ll stroll into a bar & bat her eyelashes at the bartender & single ppl in the room to try & get them to order a drink for her solely bc she doesn’t know the names of any drinks... has no common sense & is too naive for her own good ( what is a handjob... what does “on the rocks” mean ) but the girl’s trying to [ troy bolton vc ] break free so who am i to judge ?

she’s a wedding planner who’s actually in love with the idea of love & has watched the notebook 1 too many times... despite her being wildt nowadays she’s still into the whole “when i meet the one for me my foot will pop when we kiss & i’ll feel fireworks” thing.. it’s cute but also sad but ! cute !

personality-wise... she’s outspoken & friendly & incredibly flirty, but at the same time she probably either assumes you’re flirting w her when you’re really not or has no clue that you’re hitting on her when ur literally kissing her

is totally sandy at the end of grease when she’s like “tell me about it, stud” acting all badass but then doesn’t know what to do w her cigarette butt & looks nervously at her friends like WTF DO I DO

please come corrupt her or fuck her up... or be nice 2 her & teach her how to be a human being

— ✯ | dexter leroy bates ! + pinterest board !

torrance coombs, cismale, he/him — have you met dexter leroy bates yet ? the thirty-one year old is known for being both inventive and idealistic, but also very farouche and indecisive. born in hackney, dex now lives in croydon, editing badly filmed videos and gluing himself to a camera 24/7.

basically a nerdy starving artist based on mark from rent with a lil bit of peter parker in him

a broke ass bitch living in croydon trying his best to make it as a photographer / film maker

he has huge dreams of hollywood but his films r probably kinda bad... but he tries his best n i love him for it

kinda nerdy & word vomit-y... super cute... would die for his friends but also would kill u for insulting one of them

is that nerd that is actually hot n buff n shit but u never notice bc he wears hoodies n hides behind a camera bc i lov stereotyping apparently

i don’t really have his backstory worked out yet tbfh so really ? go wild w connections for my son

— ✯ | davina leigh cordero ! + pinterest board !

lauren jauregui, cisfemale, she/her — have you met davina leigh cordero yet ? the twenty-one year old is known for being both intuitive and diligent, but also very seclusive and obstinate. born in whitby, davina now lives in soho, studying journalism and avoiding as much human interaction as possible.

100% based on rory gilmore bc apparently even tho i’m on season 2 i luv the characters Too Much

basically everything i aspire 2 be in a person... hardworking as fuck, loves school so fricking much, antisocial as hell !

davina is deadass brilliant & her idea of wild is staying up past 11 on a school night or waiting to do her homework on saturday instead of friday

sweet, a lil bit awkward, but the cutest ever n i would die for her

would much rather be chillin w her books than anything else tbh & doesn’t know how to hold proper interactions but it’s more charming than anything else

grew up with only her dad mostly, since her mom worked full time & lived out of town for reasons but they both love her a ton. her dad would give her the whole world if he could, & owns a quaint little coffee shop in whitby & is constantly calling davina to check up on her... when she got older her mom moved back in w her dad so since then she’s gotten a lot closer to her but there’s still just such a bond between her dad & her u know

what is romance ? davina doesn’t know

come fuck her up

— ✯ | sawyer maisie pitman ! + pinterest board !

josefine frida pettersen, cisfemale, she/her — have you met sawyer maisie pitman yet ? the twenty year old is known for being both undaunted and driven, but also very apathetic and blunt. born in bristol, sawyer now lives in wandsworth, being a tragically pathetic starving artist & student.

so sawyer was adopted as a baby, unnamed, to two moms who love her more than anything in the world. one’s a publisher & one’s an english professor, & they’re both huge fricking nerds, so she was named after tom sawyer !

as soon as she could walk she was talented with art & everything that had to do with it & not long after entering high school she decided that that’s what she wanted to do & nothing was going to get in the way of it

now, as a student & hopeful artist, sawyer is dead set on getting where she wants to be & has no tolerance for bullshit... like if u ain’t helping her further her career, ur unimportant to her

relationships ? cancelled. romance is a DISTRACTION from her work & only complicates her life !

blunt as fuck & doesn’t sugar coat things. she says things like they are & expects others to do the same bc she has no time for drama or whatnot

stubborn as fuck & nearly impossible to talk to sometimes bc she’s so set in her ways but hey love me a strong woman amirite

sharp-tongued & sarcastic as fuck but can be incredibly kind when the time is right !

#smoke:intros

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feignedperfect · 6 years

Note

How do you feel about Hal

SUCH A GOOD QUESTION i have so many thoughts on hal omg . like at first i was not a fan at all bc he comes off like a total tool and at first glance it seems like he and alice really don’t like each other much . i got the vibe that they might love each other on some level bc they have kids together and they’ve spent so long together & definitely care about each other at least but they don’t like each other at all ?? like any time she does anything that’s remotely ’ alice like ’ he’s so put out and its just like ‘ why did you marry her then ?? ’ to me it seemed like a lot of the pressure she puts on herself must be from him and that perfection was a big deal to hal and then ofc the stuff with polly but actually since i’ve been rewatching i’ve changed my mind a lot .

like he still isn’t my favourite character or anything but i’ve been trying to look at it from a different lens and i’ve decided he’s not that bad. like obviously he still has a lot of faults but almost everyone on the show is an asshole so how harshly can we really judge at this point ?? lmao

we haven’t got to see too much of hal yet really, so i may end up being wrong but rn i think he’s a decent guy who loves his family but is also very stubborn. i think from what we’ve seen of him its clear he places a lot of value into FAMILY LEGACY, which was likely instilled in him quite young, and that’s what influences a lot of his poor choices. he didn’t tell alice or the kids about being related to the blossoms because he’s been told its a shameful family secret , one he may have intended to die with him . like - dumbass move dude get your shit together but idk maybe he was trying to protect them from it in a way ?? idk but srsly bro if you wanted your kid to stop dating her cousin - maybe yk tell them they’re cousins ?????

and then booking the abortion the way he did was obvs about the incest which he eventually copped to and you can see when it dawn’s on alice and she’s like ‘so that’s why’ and he’s just ‘yeah alice, THAT’S why’ to me it felt like there was a lot unspoken there and that was his way of letting her know that he never would have had the circumstances been any different. which actually makes me pretty curious what his reaction might have been had she gotten pregnant to anyone else - maybe he would have supported her keeping it after knowing how much it hurt alice losing their son ? who knows man

and then on to he and alice : i think their relationship is honestly the most complicated and layered on the show and needs to be explored more for sure bc they have such a big issue with communication to the point of being heartbreaking, but they also seem to have this incredible ability to forgive at the same time ( if not completely then at least enough to move forward ) and this weird dependancy on each other i find really interesting.

it’s easy to write them off as a marriage of convenience but it just doesn’t make sense to me for alice, being who she is to marry/stay with someone she DIDN’T LOVE, its not in her character.

like what happened with polly —- she was DEVASTATED to find out he’d done that after all they’d been through. she was actually ready to walk away even though she’d been able to forgive him enough for doing it to her to marry him and have two more children.

then she finds out the reason and how the two of them were cousins etc and you can see her face when he says it, this wave of understanding goes over her and you can almost see her decide to forgive him and after that they go get polly and he’s moved back in. and it can’t just be for the sake of keeping up an image, she had kicked him out already, the illusion of perfect was over so there was no reason to take him back unless she GENUINELY loved him.

and while some of the things he does have me side eying him hard af i’ve started to see the way he talks to alice ( not when they’re fighting, just in general ) as them just being MarriedTM lol like yes he rolls his eyes at her a lot but i don’t think its about him not liking her anymore, i think its just that they’ve been together so long now that he’s just like ‘ omg not again really pls ’ lmao but not even in a bad way . and i love that when she starts going overboard he’ll be like ‘alice’ or touch her or something and she’ll calm down and then like when they were in that city hall meeting he’s just sitting with is arm around her, not touching her but theres that closeness. then in the deleted scene after the meeting she has her arms linked around his which i think was really cute.

or like the scene where penelope slaps her , i loved seeing them interact there because he just puts his hand on her and he’s making sure she’s okay and talking her down, etc —- mostly, i feel, because he knows if she does hit penelope she’s gonna hate hearing people gossip about her etc bc she’s so conscious of that.

i’ve also been trying to think of why tf she would stay w him after he had her give up their first kid, which she views as her biggest regret and i feel like he probably visited her a lot at the sisters and just sat w her and talked to her about whatever she wanted / about what their future would be like / helped her study so she didn’t fall behind bc she probably would have wanted to get a scholarship for college and just tried to be there for her however he could and maybe that helped her get through it IDK

the only thing i can think of is that she honestly really loved him and she knew he was right about them not being ready for a baby even though he handled it badly and at the time she was just young and thinking more about her own future. maybe it wasn’t until later that she started to regret it? like maybe when she had polly that she really started to regret not keeping him

i’m sure she felt some regret before that of course. felt that pull to him as her child but she was still a child herself really and i think it would’ve been seeing polly and all the milestones that come with having a child that would have made her realise what she missed out on with her first / would have made her wish she had have kept him.

i think when she was pregnant it would’ve felt like the end of the world and she would’ve had to give up all her dreams to have him and she was probably scared she’d end up living in a trailer park etc in the lifestyle she grew up in , but then after polly she thought differently. she realised well i could’ve had him in daycare or gone to a community college that would’ve been more lenient so she could’ve managed both etc.

i feel like I’m not even answering your question anymore at this point lmao

i think his parents would have played a huge part and you can tell by the way he told that story about his grandfather he’s very family orientated so pressure from his parents probably influenced him A LOT but i also think had she decided to keep the baby he’d have stuck by her. i think it was his parents offered to pay for an abortion and probably paid to have her go to the sisters. and i think it would have meant a lot to her if he came to visit / kept coming back hat in hand trying to make amends and keep their relationship going bc she probably assumed he’d want nothing to do with her after. i feel like he’d have been really apologetic about the whole thing though.

i also feel like his mother is probably really intense and thats where alice takes on a lot of her 'perfect wife/mother’ act bc a lot of the show centres around the becoming your parents sort of thing but for alice i feel like it was mother-in-law. you can tell all perfect Mrs. Cooper posturing is very very put on so she has to be getting it from somewhere. and i feel like hal definitely became his father unintentionally with the way he’s holding onto old family feuds and offering to pay for polly’s abortion. i don’t think he would have been like that as a younger man.

i’ve also been thinking a lot about how alice and hal might’ve gotten together in the first place and i like the idea that it was because of her writing that he took a real interest. like he would’ve taken notice of her already bc she’s beautiful but probably wrote her off bc she was from the southside and idk maybe one day they’ve all had to read their own piece to the class or their work has been passed around etc and he’s realised theres a lot more to her than just the southside.

i’m really curious why he originally took interest in her bc we can pretty much guess her reason at least originally would’ve been this hope of having a better life but i think there must’ve been a lot more to him as well we just haven’t seen yet bc otherwise i think she could’ve easily had her pick of northside boys.

and from what i can tell they seem to be a marriage of equals for the most part, which i’m sure is something thats really important to her and that makes me like them together.

#anonymous #i actually left out some things i think can u believe #idk how it got this long im sorry lmao #♛ ❛ ––– THIS JUST IN! ( answered. )#♛ ❛ ––– WHO KNEW. ( headcanons. )#♛ ❛ ––– NOT QUITE PRINCE CHARMING BUT CLOSE ENOUGH. ( hal. )#♛ ❛ ––– OTP : HAVEN’T YOU HEARD? WE’RE THE PERFECT FAMILY. ( alice + hal. )

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kiraalexander · 7 years

Text

anyway i was sad so i wrote more.

bcs/young pope au part funf: this time there’s mike

Cardinal Voiello was very unhappy.

He had overplayed his hand with Ester, and now he’d lost control of Valente. He knew this, but couldn’t seem to find a way to get them back in hand. Now that the pope had revealed his knowledge of Voiello’s plan to have Esther embroil him in a scandal, Voiello had been forced to give his plan up entirely - and what was more, Valente reveled in it. When Voiello had cornered him this morning, demanding to know what the pope had been doing with the loud American lawyer on the roof of the Basilica last night, Valente had only replied, “talking, your eminence. The holy father enjoys talking with the American lawyer very much.” And then he’d smirked. Smirked. At him.

The humiliation only continued in his morning audience. After he dutifully fetched the pope his coffee, the pope made the American canonist, that Ms. Wexler, read out loud every single provision in the Code of Canon Law relevant to the ouster of a cardinal from both ecclesiastical office and from the curia. She read every line in her flat voice, then rounded it out with a recitation of Canons 331 through 335: the Roman Pontiff.

“The Roman Pontiff obtains full and supreme power in the Church by his acceptance of legitimate election…” she droned, all while Voiello ground his teeth. He wanted to snap that he hardly needed reminding about the basic tenets of the canon law, but wasn’t given the chance. As soon as Ms. Wexler’s voice faded, the pope had snapped, “you can go. Both of you.” So this was just the opening act, and Voiello was left to twist in the wind another day, wondering whether he’d be pulled back into the fold, or set adrift.

The only saving grace was that the other American lawyer - the loud one - had not been in attendance at this little show. When Voiello had caught up to Ms. Wexler’s long strides in the corridor, he’d put on the best mask of friendliness he could muster, and asked where her assistant had been, since he was always such a help to her.

“His holiness - asked that I come myself,” she said, her eyes downcast. And that was another blessing - her meeting with Sofia yesterday had completely unmoored her. And if Sofia did what she was told, he’d be rid of both American lawyers before the week was out, and replace them with proper canonists, ones who had a background in the priesthood. Yes, perhaps all this could be salvaged after all.

“And Father Amatucci - where is he?” Ms. Wexler asked.

“Ah, I fear he has come down with a stomach illness,” Voiello said. “It is very close quarters here, particularly with all the cardinals packed into the Casa Santa Marta for the election, and then awaiting his holiness’s address. Naturally we are all susceptible. I believe Don Tommaso is also ill - no confessions can be taken this morning, unfortunately.”

“I hope they both feel better,” Ms. Wexler said. “Excuse me.” And she stepped quickly away, her heels clacking on the polished floor. And as he watched her go, Voiello said a prayer, begging the Lord to let Sofia succeed where Ester had failed.

Perhaps, he thought, his failure was a matter of beauty. Sofia was very beautiful. He knew this because she told him so. They said that Ester was beautiful as well, but apparently not beautiful enough for the pope. They also said the pope was beautiful, although Voiello was sure he’d seen better days. Perhaps Kim Wexler was beautiful - Sofia certainly seemed much more eager to complete her assignment once she’d seen Ms. Wexler face to face.

Cardinal Voiello was not beautiful, and he knew it. He never had been beautiful. He’d always been squat and lumpish, easily winded and jowly, with squinting eyes and a turtle’s mouth. He’d always had that mole on his cheek, much more prominent when he’d been a child, and it had been like a target on his face for those who wanted to needle him about his doughy face and body. Perhaps all this was the hand of God, smoothing his path into the seminary - he’d never known how it felt to be wanted, and would never miss it. But it gave him a curious blind spot in that he could not understand what others considered beautiful. Certainly he felt that sunsets were beautiful, as was the ocean, and when Napoli scored against Roma. But as far as human beings were concerned, the sight of Sofia moved him no more than did the sight of Sister Bice. He’d told Sister Mary that she was beautiful twice, but she seemed to see through what he now realized were the forced repetitions of a bad liar. The only human thing he could think of that he considered beautiful was the plump cunt of the Venus of Willendorf, and that was made of stone.

He rested his hands on the swell of his belly, and turned to walk to his apartment. It was nearly time. He nodded to the Swiss Guard flanking the path, thinking vaguely of how fitting this was. He considered praying, but didn’t. He missed Amatucci’s quiet, reassuring presence, but it was probably better not to have his shadow behind him today.

He didn’t have much more time, that was certain. Perhaps the holy father could afford to dither, to cat-and-mouse him in order to drive him crazy, but Voiello could not afford to play. Now that Ester hadn’t worked, now that he could still feel the sole of that damned embroidered shoe on his shoulder, forcing his head down - he had to strike an even more decisive blow, and quickly, or else it would all get away from him.

Not my job. It isn’t the job I want to save. It’s the Church. The Church itself.

Why he had to keep reminding himself of that was something he tried not to think about too hard.

When he entered the apartment, he had to unlock the door, but he knew his guest would be there already. He knew, because he was seven minutes late, and his guest was always on time. The air in his apartment had a sense of being subtly displaced. He tried to breath in a steadying column of air, and arrange his face to look serene. He closed and carefully locked the door, then began his search to see where in the house his guest had settled. It didn’t take long - the clack of a billiard ball sounded before he took three steps in. Kind of him, Voiello thought, not to surprise him too badly. They were both getting on in years.

He stepped into the billiard room to find his guest standing behind the table, idly rolling one ball into another, and watching the doorframe.

“Michael,” Voiello said, “how good it is to see you after all this time.”

“It has been a long time, Eminence,” said Michael, “and I gotta say, this place hasn’t changed at all.”

“You’d be surprised,” said Voiello.

Once they were settled across the coffee table with espresso, Voiello was struck with sudden reluctance.

“I understand you have a grandchild now,” he said. “Please accept my warmest congratulations.”

“Yeah,” Michael said. “Five years old. Prettiest thing you ever saw.” He fished a photo out of his wallet that had gone limp at the corners. An unremarkable blond child smiled out from it, but Voiello made a show of admiration. “She’s just lovely. Your son must be so proud.”

“Yeah. He’s dead.”

“What?” Voiello said. Amatucci hadn’t told him this. He wondered how he could have missed it.

“About six months back,” Michael said.

“I’m so very sorry for your loss. If I’d known-”

Michael shrugged. Voiello had never known him to be one for displays of emotion. “It’s good to get away, Eminence,” he said, “but why don’t you tell me exactly why you sent for me.”

Voiello sighed and put down his demitasse cup. “I’m certain you are aware that we have a new pope,” he said.

“Yeah. I followed the conclave news. Pretty young for a pope.”

“That is just the trouble.”

Michael’s shoulders straightened with sudden interest. “You didn’t vote for him?”

“Oh no. I voted for him. But… I did not vote for what we received.”

“Hm,” Michael grunted. “Seems to me you get what you pay for.”

“In some circumstances, yes, that is the case,” said Voiello. “But in circumstances when one has been defrauded, isn’t it only fair to request a refund?”

Michael didn't say anything for a minute. “Why don’t you tell me what it is you want me to do.”

“I want you to resume your position as special firearms instruction for the Pontifical Swiss Guard,” Voiello said. “I’ve already received permission for you to take up the position - it’s been too long since the guard has had a truly intensive training.”

Michael was shaking his head. “Why me? I’m used up. There’s plenty of military trainers younger, sharper-”

“No,” Voiello said. “You were the best in 1981, when we first started automatic weapons training, and you’re the best still.”

Michael was silent, and stared into his cup.

“Michael,” Voiello said gently. “Does it still hurt you to be here? After all this time?”

“You know that old dreams die hard,” Michael said.

Voiello sighed, and in it was not a little genuine regret. “You were the only one who made me feel at home during my first year at the Vatican. I still wish that I could have done something for you.”

“No,” Michael said. “It wasn’t gonna happen. I was to old. And I’m not Swiss.”

“But you helped us to protect the pope,” Voiello said. “Isn’t that something great?”

“It sure is something.”

“And anyway, I never thought the uniform would have suited you.”

Michael cracked a smile at this. “And i never thought the clown suits they make you cardinals wear ever suited you. But now look at you - you’re a real politician.”

“And you are-”

“An old soldier, an ex cop. Put out to pasture.”

“No,” Voiello said, and reached across the coffee table to take Michael’s hand. “On active duty.”

Michael stared hard at Voiello, but didn’t remove his hand. “I think you had better tell me just exactly what you want me to do, right now. If it’s not out of your mouth in the next sentence, I’m out the door.”

Voiello’s heart stopped at the words. He couldn’t know, he told himself, he couldn’t know that it’s how his holiness spoke to me. He almost called the entire thing off right there, but then it came again - the weight of that shoe on his shoulder, and he hardened his heart, and steeled his jaw.

“I want - I need you to assassinate the pope.”

Michael took back his hand and sat back on the sofa. “No,” he said.

Voiello shook his head. “If I could express to you how important-”

“Not until I understand why,” Michael said, and Voiello let out a harsh, relieved breath.

“You must understand,” Voiello said, “we elected him because we thought he would be a compromise between the liberal and conservative factions within the curia. But he’s revealed himself to be so reactionary - he’s threatened to remove two-thirds of the clergy for homosexual attraction. Attraction! Not action! It goes against thousands of years of doctrine. He wants to shut out the people, take us back into the dark ages, when priests jealously kept all knowledge, language, doctrine, out of the reach of the common man. Do you understand what that means? He wants a monopoly on God. I know you remember how it felt, to be denied a position in the Swiss Guard, even though you are the best marksman who’s ever entered the Vatican? Just because of the arbitrary fact that you are not Swiss? He wants to do that but on a worldwide scale - and not just for the Guard, but for heaven itself.” Voiello pointed one stubby forefinger skyward. “I thought that you of all people could understand why this cannot go on.”

“Voiello,” Michael said, “you’re asking me to kill a man.”

“No,” Voiello said. “The Church is a body. If a body becomes cancerous, do we allow that cancer to kill the body? Or do we cut out the cancer? Even if it is living tissue, part of that body?”

Michael shook his head again, but slower this time. A little more, Voiello thought, a little more, and he’ll say yes.

“I don’t know,” he said.

“Michael,” Voiello said, “after all this time - don’t you trust me?”

Michael took a loud breath in, out, in, out. He drained his cup, letting the dregs of the espresso settle in a grainy stew at the bottom. “If I’m going to kill a man,” he said, “I need to look him in the face first. It isn’t that I don’t trust you,” he said, interrupting what would have been Voiello’s indignant protest, “but I have to decide for myself. Give me an audience - then I’ll decide.”

“Michael we don’t have time-”

“We?” said Michael, looking out from under a brush of brow. “Is it we who don’t have time? Or just you?”

Voiello stared back, and considered saying that no, it wasn’t just him, it was the Church herself.

“I’ll get you an audience,” he said.

“Good.” Michael stood. “In that case, I’d better go find my quarters. Thanks for the coffee.”

Voiello walked Michael to the front door, and held it open for him. He stepped out, then turned back to Voiello.

“Do you know how my son died?” he asked.

“I’m afraid I don’t,” Voiello said. “As I said, if I had known-”

“He was shot,” said Michael.

Voiello was suddenly overwhelmed with the memory of standing before Michael and his wife, both of them beaming, the tiny child in her arms. Voiello had been the one to baptize him. It could have been Wojtyla, they could have insisted - but Michael had asked for him instead. He remembered anointing the child and thinking of how tiny he was, how pink, how helpless. “Shot,” he repeated.

“Assassinated,” said Michael, and he left.

Voiello was in a rotten mood for the rest of the afternoon, and when the pope called him in for yet another audience, it was all he could do to catch every other word he said.

When they were finished, his holiness asked after Amatucci. “I understand that he’s ill,” he said. “Isn’t that too bad? I’m always seeing him in the garden, in the Apostolic Palace - just wherever I go, somehow, there he is. I missed him very much today. Please, won’t you tell him to get well from me?”

“I’m sure he would appreciate that very much, holy father,” said Voiello.

“And Tommaso, sick as well,” said the pope. “It’s really just too bad. You know, I think I might be coming down with it myself?”

“Oh, no, holy father,” said Voiello, and he was at least halfway to being genuinely concerned. “You are nauseated? Vomiting?”

“Mm,” said his holiness, “no.”

“Then - a headache, or trembling?”

“No,” said his holiness. “Is that what Amatucci is complaining of?”

“Yes, I’m afraid so - the doctor says he must stay in bed for at least another few days.”

“I see,” said the pope, putting an undue emphasis on the words, in Voiello’s opinion. “Maybe I’m not coming down with what he has after all. In fact, I’m just having trouble sleeping. Can’t you tell?”

He pointed to his eyes, which looked normal to Voiello.

“No, holy father, I’m happy to say that you look perfectly healthy to me.”

“Oh, that’s good - because my eyes feel so dry. Excuse me,” he said. And he took a small bottle of Visine from his pockets, making an exaggerated face as he let a drop splash first into one eye, then the other.

“Ah,” he said, “that is so much better.” And he carefully placed the nearly empty bottle in the middle of the desk.

Voiello stared at the bottle, and thought back. Tremors. Nausea. Vomiting. A racing heart, dilated pupils. And how to make someone just sick enough to be confined to his bed, but not to kill him - yet.

“I’m so happy to hear it, holy father,” he said carefully. “And I think you will find that you won’t see Amatucci quite so often in the future. He must be getting to his own duties once he gets well.”

“That is so good to hear,” said his holiness. “Good bye, Voiello.”

Voiello went straight to Valente, and begged him to allow the new automatic weapons trainer for the Pontifical Swiss Guard to have an audience with his holiness as soon as it could be arranged.

But there was still one thought that nagged him, all on his way back to discuss this problem with Girolamo. Why was it that Father Tomasso, who had to his knowledge never done the pope any harm, gotten ill as well?

He didn’t know, and not knowing made him unhappier still.

#bcs #lil' pope #better call st. paul #mike ehrmantraut #cardinal voiello #lenny belardo #this sudden spurt of writing productivity would be great if i could get to any one of the other projects i ought to be working on #and yet here we are #he poisons for unencumbered rooftop handjobs

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xivu-arath · 7 years

Note

1, 4, 8 for rkorya, 5 and 7 for ravage, 2 and 8 for avari!

already did 1, so!

rkorya

4. If your character is in pain, do they let everyone around them know just how bad it is, or do they tend to try and cover it up and say they’re fine? Does this ever result in negative consequences, whether it’s people ignoring their complains when they actually do have a bad injury, or their injury going untreated when they really do need help?

there’s a fair bit of pragmatism in how rkorya approaches being injured, mostly bc she puts her service to the empire before her own pride. so while she demands the Best from her own performance, she... tries to be aware of her limits and be upfront with how badly she’s hurt so she doesn’t falter when needed

however this is backed up with edgy sith shit, as everything is, with her... injuries and pain are a resource, an easy way to tap into resentment or vengeance or just “this hurts and if I can’t make it stop I can make it worse for someone else”. so she also on occasion has to make the decision whether it’s wise to try to like. actually retreat and get patched up or risk being killed for the Extra Implacable Power she can then draw from

that aside, she’s often understated about how badly she’s hurt at first glance - she can’t manage entire stoicism but she’ll seem composed enough and try not to draw attention to her situation. it tends to shorten her temper a great deal though and you can gauge the severity of a wound by just how snappish she becomes. this tends to be worse for Everyone Else, tho - while she makes a point of trying not to punish or hurt people for simply being obnoxious or mildly inconvenient, this goes out the window when she’s in a lot of pain. it’s Not Wise to bother rkorya when she’s recovering unless you’re either someone she respects or part of her crew

8. Describe how your character deals with failed or failing relationships, whether familial, platonic, romantic, sexual, or otherwise. Do they easily let go of people, or are they more likely to hold onto a relationship for as long as they can? Does this affect how they form relationships?

if anything rkorya is almost too willing to cut off relationships that seem like they won’t work out. she’s secretly (it’s especially a secret to herself) rather isolated and lonely and has trouble building relationships outside of her duties when on her own. if something becomes an obstacle or she feels like something has changed in how she relates to someone she’ll just let go of it completely and distance herself and focus on Other Things

she was uh. well aware that it was v likely she would outrank and outpower her close family once she became an apprentice and then a lord and just avoided the potential difficulty of navigating that by just deciding not to visit them ever again. she’s good at this!!!

ravage

5. Does your character tend to make decisions based on instincts or “gut feelings,” or do they rely more on logic and careful consideration? Do they ever try to find a balance between the two?

something of an even split here - as someone with such empathic ability, ravage makes a lot of decisions based on what he picks up from others, but... he has to use his experience and more pragmatic knowledge to filter that? he was def way more focused on being instinctive before the decepticons became a militarized movement, and tempered that during the war out of... necessity

sometimes now he has to keep himself from working on instinct at all because everyone is sad and fucked up and if he tried to act on that he’d get p much nowhere

7. Has your character ever had to overcome a big fear in order to complete an important task? If so, what was the fear, and what did they have to do to overcome it? If not, have they ever failed at a task because of a fear?

god I’m not even sure which situation best applies but bc of Recent Events I’m gonna go with the rift experiment! because that put him in literally... the worst possible scenario - a cybertron without the leader he followed that was doomed to slowly chipping away at itself, classifying entire groups as obsolete, where he was a target just because he was no longer supposed to exist

and he had to survive and make it back when the rifts pulled him back in anyways but... it honestly was a huge feat of will that he didn’t just curl up somewhere and freak out silently until the rift got him again

avari

2. What is your character’s dream career? Are they actively trying to pursue it, or is just a wish/fantasy they have that they know can never come true?

she’s... forgotten what she wanted to be as a child, which is a little sad but not unexpected in the least. a game developer, probably, or something else to do with computers. then she just wanted to make it out alive, to be safe, and an actual career beyond whatever kept her from sinking was too much commitment to even consider

and then the... digital world happened, and it was. it was a huge clusterfuck and did not exactly end well by any definition for her, but... she could do something, learn and become skilled and no longer be bound just by “am I in literal danger rn or not”??? so uh. her dream career is to be a powerful hermit who lives in digital ruins and can manipulate the world around her through hacking

nice job, avari

relationships are fake to begin with, right?

but if rkorya will drop a relationship when she senses it’s not going well, avari will sprint away from it at the first hint of any kind of trouble. her overwhelming mindset is that good people will leave or die, and everyone else will inevitably turn on or disappoint you, so best not to get close, right? staying distanced and alone keeps you safe.

that said, she’s fairly bitter when someone does do the inevitable, and will stay salty about this Certain Betrayal for quite a long time. just because they did what she expected doesn’t mean she has to be happy about it... and being quietly bitter is p much how she deals with. most of the world by now.

she’s a v optimistic character,,,,

#not the ghost denny #character asks #rkorya #cavalry #cassette fam #thanks for this friend!!!#you picked ones that would inevitably bring pain #ablogbykirk

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