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#and it’s not ~bad~ but it’s not this either ykno?

padfootastic · 1 year

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so i was rereading my stuff (as i often do lol) and came across one of my absolute favourite things i’ve ever written.

“it is my life’s biggest regret that it was my actions and my mistake that led to james’ death, to both their deaths. they were…the last people on earth who should’ve died so young. james and lily had so much life in them, so much left to give. and i will never forgive myself for the part i played in ending that light. i know i don’t deserve your forgiveness but i’m so sorry, baby.”

and despite sirius’ attempts to stem the tears, they spilled over anyway, and gosh, it ached to see this strong, proud man break down in front of him like this. harry didn’t think sirius deserved to feel this way, but he also knew a thing or two about (irrational) guilt and he knew it was an insidious, poisonous thing that crawled up your body, slowly killing you from the inside out. sirius had been carrying this inside him for a decade and a half, and he was only now letting himself feel the grief and the guilt and the loss, letting himself mourn properly. (and wasn't harry humbled at the thought that sirius considered him trustworthy enough to break down in his arms? it was frightening, the knowledge that he quite literally held his godfathers heart in his hands right now, because who was he kidding, he was the last potter left now who could grant him his absolution)

#sirius black #harry potter #good godfather sirius black #like.#he was the last potter left who could grant him his absolution #THAT LINE HITS SO HARD WTF???#i want these writing skills again lmao #everything just feels—so dry and clinical now #like describing the weather #and it’s not ~bad~ but it’s not this either ykno?#this entire fic only kills me #it’s just. so good #look @ me waxing poetic about my own stuff lmao #never been more clear i’m my own target audience #dont mind me if i do this (posting lines from random fics) again 💀#pen’s writing #pen’s favourites

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bandtrees · 2 years

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one of the most infuriating things i’ve realized about fandom spaces lately to me has been some people’s inability to just trust a story and engage with its premise and what it’s trying to express. “canon sucks i can do it better lol!!!” is one of the most annoying attitudes to me and i do kinda hate how prevalent it’s gotten (in actually good polished media that isn’t to be engaged with like that)

like between people who read things in as bad a faith as possible and ceaselessly criticize things they supposedly like, and people who only care about media for the sake of making cookie cutter self-indulgent fandom content, it feels sometimes like the most controversial thing you can do in a fandom is “actually liking the source material for what it is”

#babbles #like yeah aus n such are fun but sometimes i see things in fandoms that make me like ‘do you even LIKE the source material anymore???’#‘just make ocs man!!!’#rewatches of source materials should be mandatory people go too insane when they start forgetting what they’re engaging with #to say nothing of the very specific phenomena of. intentional bad faith readings of media #like people who went too damn hard in ‘be critical of what you consume’ and just look SO. MISERABLE. What About Having Fun!#like as a former dr fan. dr fans. is it great No i outgrew dr. but i think it’s better to accept outgrowing it than being #the most miserable ‘fan’ ever like UUUGHH THIS SUCKS WHY DO I LIKE IT ITS SO BAAADDD UUGGHHH #and criticizing it 24/7 like i don’t like dr much anymore but there’s a very specific… Type of dr fan #where im like ‘ykno you can just leave if you hate it so bad?’#no need to self flagellate over it just accept you either like something kinda mediocre or just move on nobody’s keepin ya here

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tazmilygray · 3 months

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happy 5am I have 10 drawings I never did from my OcTober list, and I know I kinda uhh silently abandoned the project but I didn't mean to let it go this long without mentioning it haha

I've been getting back into drawing so hopefully I'll have some out sooner than later, I just can't, and won't, say any dates cuz I don't wanna say something then not follow it (again), but yeah just. I didn't forget nor did I mean to abandon it lol

#taz~txt #it's bedtime now raa #felt a little bad about it esp since there were a couple people for whom i got a total of zero drawings made for #compared to a few folks who got both their drawings #then just kinda never got back to them about it either so #and i figure ykno - a few prolly forgot - its unlikely people were truly upset about it too bad - I don't think im letting down the world -#but its still like. i don't wanna say something then not mean it regardless #anyway goodnight folks i am so so sleepys

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alienaiver · 2 months

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Rugged

Aizawa Shouta x GN!reader

warnings: quirk-induced amnesia, canon minor character death (major in my heart tho), spoilers for... season 5 and forth? to be safe wordcount: 4.9k content: confessions, first kiss, fluff, sfw, no use of y/n, pro hero reader but quirk is unspecified, canon compliant, genderneutral reader, poc!friendly reader, body positive reader, hurt/comfort in like the mildest sense, soft love, amnesia situation, friends to lovers, childhood friends to lovers, started as a meme turned into something serious, something about cats, unbeta'd, flashbacks to high school days

notes: this is so embarassing to admit but i only came up with this story bcos of that tiktok/insta reel (link is a tiktok as thats where i could find the source material) about having a type that's 'rugged'. it was supposed to just turn into a little joke on that and... uh, ykno suddenly i was almost 5k deep into a childhood friends to lovers, ..ya my brain had a VISION alrighty!!!!! please enjoy a one-eyed kitty, one-eyed aizawa and interrupted confessions!

Aizawa’s leaning forward on the desk, meticulously writing down an exact copy of your notes from English Literature that he missed yesterday due to being in the infirmary… again. He’s always known that becoming a Pro Hero with a non-physical quirk would be tough, but he didn’t imagine landing himself in a hospital bed as often as he does. He’s bulking up nicely, but he feels beaten black and blue every other day and it’s… exhausting.

Rewarding, but exhausting nonetheless. He’s momentarily disturbed as a chair is being dragged across the floor, screeching away before haphazardly thrown next to the desk, wrong side facing it, and Yamada throwing himself onto it, arms leaning on the backrest. He says your name in a sing-song voice – your given name, has he no shame? - and steals a peek of you from over the rim of his glasses. You rest your head in your palm and smile at him, “what’s up?” you ask, and he hums as if he’s thinking deeply about something. Aizawa’s got a bad feeling about whatever subject he’s about to bring up; ever since he appointed himself Aizawa’s wing man, the pestering’s both been non-stop and non-discreet.

Aizawa keeps his face buried in the notes, purposefully removing himself from the conversation.

“What’s your type?” Yamada asks and Aizawa has to hold back a facepalm. You simply giggle and play with the zipper from your pencil case before you answer, “hmm, I’m not sure. But with all due respect, I know it’s not you,” you tease him and he straightens his back in mock-surprise, the conversation’s one you’ve had before. He takes a hand to his chest, “what? Not me? Well you’re not my type either!” the shriek in which he yells is a little too loud, his quirk still a little too unmanageable when he gets excited – he winces as the rest of the class turn their heads. You simply laugh and bite your lower lip. Aizawa steals a look at you through his bangs, admiring the glimmer in your eyes.

“Yeah, I’m sorry ‘Zashi, I truly am, but… you’re just not… rugged enough.”

“What? I’m so rugged. I can be rugged!”

“Look at you, you’re not rugged,” you laugh as you gesture vaguely to… all of him. He takes offense as he puffs up his chest, “how am I not rugged? Because I’m not wearing a flannel in 80 degree weather?”

You hide your face in your hand as you try to contain your laughter, “yeah, sure, whatever… but look at you now. You fly off the handle like that, you’re too angry.”

“That’s a very rugged thing to do!”

“No, it’s really not.”

Aizawa has been saddled with the two of you for almost two semesters now, and he’s still not entirely used to the way you joke around. In the beginning he was always worried about you fighting and not getting along and he’d stare at you both with wide eyes like a startled cat and hope you’d settle down soon. You always did, laughing like the greatest joke was just told.

You lean forward on the table to bark out a laughter deep from your stomach, momentarily blocking the view of your notes that Aizawa’s copying. He lets out a soundless grunt at you being so close and pulls away in surprise when he accidentally smell your shampoo. He wants to lean forward again, to commit the scent to memory, but you’re already straightened back up, wiping an imaginary tear from your eye, “you don’t even want me, Hizashi, why is this always so important to you?”

This makes Aizawa freeze, terrified that Yamada will accidentally tell his secret to you. But Yamada simply crosses his arms, puffs up his cheeks and nods, “you’re right, I don’t. But I want you to want me. I’m the entire package.”

You laugh and shake your head, letting your arm fall onto the desk in defeat. “Sure then, ‘Zashi. I want you. Badly. More than anything. Please go out with me.” your face is as flat as Aizawa’s can be, and Yamada smiles proudly, “no thank you.”

Aizawa’s startled out of grading papers when his personal phone starts ringing next to him on the desk, the screen much too bright for the darkened room he’s situated in. It’s an unknown caller, which makes him hesitant at first but since it’s well past office hours, he knows it won’t be a salesman of any sort.

He bites his lower lip before he picks up.

“Aizawa speaking.”

“Ah, good evening. I apologize for contacting you at this hour, however, you are written down as the emergency contact for…” he apologetically butchers the pronunciation of your name, but gets your hero name correctly, “this is Aizawa Shouta, right?” the person on the other end confirms, and Aizawa nods before he verbally comes up with an answer.

“Well, it’s just that…” he explains your situation precariously, advising Aizawa to just come down to the station if he’s able, since someone will need to escort you home. He makes sure to remind Aizawa that you have two more emergency contacts on file in case he’s not available, but after getting the location, he’s already up from the chair before he’s hung up with the poor officer dealing with you.

From the call he knows you’re neither mortally wounded or in any kind of distress. You were on patrol when you encountered two villains. One of them turned out to have an amnesia quirk, and now you were stuck at the precinct, not entirely sure where your apartment is located. The officer informed Aizawa that you seemed calm and collected but that the last date you remember was well over 10 years ago even if you haven’t age-regressed in any way.

When he arrives, the officer leads him to one of the offices, profusely apologizing and thanking him at the same time. He’ll never really get used to the way newly appointed officers act around Pro Heroes.

Even if all facts and rationale tells Aizawa that you’re fine, he still grips the door handle way too tight, throwing open the door and evidently scaring the shit out of you, sprawled out on the couch with an ice bag on your knee. You spew out some profanities as you sit up. Aizawa immediately calms down as he sees you alive and well. He thanks the officer and agrees with the officer to sit down and talk with you before taking you home. He bows before he closes the door and looks back at you.

“I already gave a statement – was anything missing?” you ask, resting your hands neatly on your thighs. Aizawa shakes his head, “I came to pick you up – they informed you about which of the emergency contacts to call, right?”

Realization seems to travel across your features as Aizawa masks the sting he feels. Instinctively you reach out, but ultimately pull your hands back, “Aizawa?”

For a split second he lets his emotion show on his face – the way you say his last name instead of his given name, but he’s quick to hide it again. He nods and sits down on one of the chairs on the other side of the coffee table, “I was informed that your memory’s been wiped.”

You nod and look at the floor, “yeah. They took in the villains and interrogated them. It seems it’ll wear off in five to seven hours, but until then I’m stuck with my first work study as my most recent memory. I don’t feel like high school me, though, it’s just like there’s an empty gap in my timeline and not an age-related kind of thing. I can’t remember what has happened since then, but cognitively speaking, I’m still myself.”

Aizawa breathes in sharply, “well, that’s a relief. I have enough students to take care of,” he dryly jokes and the way your eyes widen make him self-conscious. He shouldn’t have made the joke he thinks as he shrinks in on himself.

“You’re a teacher?”

The way you ask betrays your emotions all too clearly and Aizawa holds back a snort. If the last of his personality you remember is high school, he gets why you struggle with the image of him taking care of the budding youth.

“A homeroom teacher, actually.”

Whatever preconceptions you had initially seems to dissipate and you smile proudly, “that’s amazing.”

You haven’t commented on his appearance; besides the moment where you didn’t recognize him, you don’t seem all too taken aback by his lack of eye and prosthetic leg. He’s relieved.

“You ready to go?” he asks, patting his lap with his palms before bracing himself to get up. You get up too and stretch your arms over your head, waiting for that satisfying pop, but it never comes. Annoyed, you let your arms falls and Aizawa smiles at you.

He leads you out of the room and as you put on the jacket he came with, he thanks the officers for their work with some polite back and forth and a bow.

The trip back is quiet as you seem to just take in your surroundings. You stop by your Agency to grab your personal items and civilian clothes that you left behind before your patrol. Luckily the offices are mostly cleared out, so you don’t have to ‘meet’ everyone and Aizawa gets out of explaining everything to everyone.

“Do you want me to escort you to your place? Or do you want to come to mine?”

The question is straight-forward and innocent; you sleep over so often that Aizawa’s spare futon has simply been dubbed your futon, but you seem taken aback, eyes wide and mouth agape. For a moment Aizawa’s blind to the confusion before he remembers.

“Sorry, you sleep over at my place a lot since it’s close to your work. I thought you might also like to see Benben.”

Your eyes that had seemed so tired ever since he arrived, lights up in recollection and excitement, “Benben’s alive and well?” you ask, absentmindedly leaning into Aizawa’s space in your joy. He struggles not to lean back reflectively.

“Yeah, she’s living with me now. She’s becoming old, though. But you’re still her favorite human, so she’d be happy to see you too.”

You giggle into your palm, clearly trying to picture Benben. She was a stray that you and Aizawa started to feed your leftover lunches to back during your first year at U.A. She was also one of the reasons you even started bonding with the stoic classmate. When you talk about the name Benben, a very bad nickname based off of bento, you always laugh and tease Aizawa about his cat-naming skills. While he defends himself in front of Yamada – the man with a habit of getting out his childish side – he never once argues against you on that subject.

Next to Aizawa, you clear your throat right as he’s about to unlock his front door. He’s been polite enough to not comment on the level of staring you’ve done ever since he picked you up, but it seems to be getting too much for yourself. He smiles at you gently, like he’s communicating with a lost child, and the smile makes you act before you can think too long about the action. Aizawa’s breath hitches and whole body freezes when your cold fingertips reach the skin of his cheeks. Your eyes look at him like they’re searching for something, and shortly after your palms make contact, your thumbs start traveling around his face, from his eyebrows to the slope of his nose and then a finger is being traced over the scar under his right eye. He can see all the questions fly through your head, the way you hold back from tracing the eye patch but stare at it like it’s not supposed to be there. He’s about to clear his throat when a thumb starts tracing his chapped lips before continuing down to his jawline, tickling his 5 o’clock shadow. As he tries to smile patiently at you, you mumble something under your breath that makes Aizawa’s heart stop for just a moment too long before racing at the same speeds as Yamada’s car when he’s late.

“It really is you… you’re just so…” you pause for a moment to swallow thickly and lick your lips, “…rugged.”

Not until you’ve had your (in Aizawa’s terms) grabby little fingers on every part of his face and given his heart an aneurysm with your words, does realization hit you. You seem to shrink and pull away to bow half-way a few times at him. Aizawa grumbles out a weak complaint about personal space and jingle the keys again to find the right one. No matter how advanced his work place is in terms of security and technology, he finds it unbelievable how many different types of keys he is expected carry for the school grounds alone. Logically, he’s aware that he’s fumbling due to your innocent advances but his brain’s not exactly acting calm and rational, so he furrows his brows and as he puts in the correct key, takes in a deep, calming breath.

When he motions for you to enter the apartment, he can’t help but observe you as you curiously peek around while you enter. You don’t toe off your shoes or step up from the genkan until the door behind him is locked and he gestures to the left pair of slippers in front of you. You let out a breath as you mumble, “sorry for intruding…” as if this isn’t your home away from home.

As Aizawa toes off his own shoes, he takes notice of your searching eyes. He jerks his head towards the living room, “she’s probably sleeping on the couch. She can’t hear very well anymore, so she doesn’t greet by the door.”

There’s a clear sort of heartbreak in your eyes that Aizawa recognizes, before you nod and walk in the direction of the living room. While your memory might be gone for the moment, it seems there’s muscle memory still intact as you purposefully step over the loose floorboard he always warns guests about. He smiles at that. Benben seems to spot you from her pillow on the couch because no sooner than you enter the room, he starts hearing the hoarse bleating of the senior kitty in there. She must’ve stayed up when Aizawa suddenly left, since it’s out of routine. She’s never been able to meow properly, which enchanted you since she first bleated at you for a bite of your convenience store-bought onigiri back when the two of you met her for the first time.

He hears you coo at her and can only imagine you both before he turns the other corner for his office to shut down the computer for the night. He quickly rejoins you and finds you with Benben on your lap, purring and headbutting your hands to her heart’s contents. When his eye travel higher to meet yours, he’s taken aback momentarily at the strained smile and wet eyes.

“She looks so loved.” you try to explain, and Aizawa can’t hold back the blush from the compliment. She does look loved now, a little on the fuller side (not by a lot, as her physical health is very important to Aizawa), her coat is shiny despite the coarseness that age brings, and she no longer has that stubborn eye infection it took Aizawa several years to treat out of her; she’s missing an eye now as a result, but she’s healthy.

You look around his living room, smiling and heaving in breaths at all the external proofs for her love; she has a pet staircase to both the windowsill, couch and the dining chair next to his; there are three different cat towers and several cat shelves for her to perch on although they’ve rarely been used for several years now. Aizawa can’t bear to take them down – what if she wants to go on one last adventure to the shelf highway he built for her close to the ceiling? It obviously wouldn’t be safe for her to do so, but robbing her of the options feels cruel to his heart.

When you pet her behind her ear and Aizawa situates himself on the floor pillow, you giggle, “you match.”

You’re referring to the missing eyes and while Aizawa takes no offense from the comment, he can’t help but snort at the straightforward observation. It’s very like you.

“How did you lose it?”

You don’t remove your eyes from Benben as you ask and from the shaky lilt to your voice, he knows you’re afraid of the answer. He’s afraid of telling you, too.

So much bad has happened during those years – you were there during his low points after, and asking that question is like removing the experiences you’ve shared. The grief you’ve suffered.

But he knows you want to know. Before he can answer, you continue, “can you tell me everything? About you… Oboro and Hizashi, too. I was informed it was only you, Hizashi and my mom on my emergency contact list. I know it’s not supposed to be miles long but… yeah…” you trail off and Aizawa’s grateful that you’re not looking at him. He’s not sure he’s able to control his face right now; and the emotion he’s showing wouldn’t be remotely close to soothing for you.

“Uh,” he jerks and clears his throat several times to stall, “when did you say your memory would be back?” he asks instead even if he’s aware of the answer.

You look up and hum thoughtfully, “they said five to seven hours around … two hours ago? So…” you count on your fingers and despite everything, Aizawa huffs out a soundless laugh, “three to five hours? Give or take.”

He inhales sharply. He can’t drive you off for that long, even if he used going to bed as an excuse. You’d just toss and turn in fear of what you’d come to remember.

So he tells you. He retells every painful memory with clear objectivity, pausing to let you process each one, seeing the light slowly dissipate in your eyes for every terrible incident. When he reaches present day, he inhales slowly and holds his breath for a moment to control his own emotions.

You’ve stopped petting Benben who’s sound asleep on your lap now, your hands hanging like lifeless limbs by your side. Aizawa then clears his throat, “you were scouted. In third year. ‘Zashi opened a radio station shortly after graduation. Oboro’s mom still invites us for hotpot for his birthday every year despite the mismatch in dish and weather,” you both laugh at that one – of course she insists on his favorite dish on such an important day. An image of the four of you huddled around, sweating over a pot of delicious food has you throwing your head back in sincere laughter, “you have a prodigy; you inspired me to take a pupil on as well, and he’s graduating this spring… I, uh… I use eye drops now.”

The last tidbit of information makes you turn your head so fast you almost get whiplash. Then, your expression turns stern, “didn’t I tell you! Didn’t I tell you to be careful!” you reprimand and he almost rolls his eye at you. Almost.

You shake your head at him and focus back on Benben, a little more color on you again as the mood has successfully shifted. He’s unsure if you’re pretending to be fine for his sake or if he actually succeeded in making you feel better, but he can’t stifle the yawn that comes out of him as soon as he feels relief.

You look up apologetically, “oh my God I’m so sorry, I’ve kept you up haven’t I? Please, you can just go to bed, I’ll be okay!”

Aizawa wants to argue but he also can’t fight the creaky ache he feels in his bones. He went straight from a night shift to school, napped in the teacher’s lounge and then home to grade papers. He’s dead-tired.

He gets up to carry his futon into the living room and set yours up in his bedroom. Usually, you sleep in the same, bare room as him and Benben, but he feels it might be too much for you without your memories, even if you sleep on separate futons with space in between. You make a joke about the futons but then, in a soft voice admit, “I think it’s nice you sleep on something accessible for Benben…” there’s a warm tone to your voice that makes him blush heavily before he pushes you out of his living room.

“I’ll sleep out here, you take the bedroom.”

You meekly argue about taking his bedroom, but he shuts you down in the same way he’s always done, and urges you to carry Benben in with you. You agree to have the door ajar in case Benben wants to walk around, and you bow your head when you bid him goodnight. Aizawa lets the light in the hallway stay on.

////

You wake up with a hitched breath and sweat on your brow, unsure when you managed to fall asleep. Disoriented, you take in Aizawa’s bedroom; you were supposed to sleep home tonight after your shift though, not to mention that Aizawa’s futon isn’t laid out next to yours. It takes you a moment to gather your bearings until it all comes back to you. You’d lost your memory.

You’d lost yourself. You hug your arms around you as the feeling of being lost still sits heavy in your body and makes you shiver. Seeing Aizawa was terrifying; you’d no idea of the obvious horrors he’d had to endure. You didn’t remember your best friend’s death.

For a moment you control your breathing, making yourself calm down as best as you’re able. It makes sense why Aizawa decided to sleep in the living room, if the last memory of him was a pimple-y teenager and not the gruff man he is today. You close your eyes and think back to right before you entered the apartment.

You roll onto your stomach and hide your face in your hands, letting out a drawn-out flustered groan. Without thinking, you kick your legs on the bedding to alleviate the embarrassment that’s coursing through you at your own actions. You’d just went all up in his face! The sensation of his stubble underneath your fingertips, his warm breath and his chapped but so, so kissable lips.

No!

You groan again, drowning in your one-sided misery of a crush. Your honed Pro Hero senses are completely dulled by your pining, so when Aizawa suddenly throws open the door and asks if you are alright, you screech as you lift your head from the pillow, “Shouta!”

“Shit, sorry, I heard you moving around so I thought you might have a nightmare,” he hurries to explain, secretly relieved to hear you say his given name again. He frowns when he can’t see your face with your back turned to him. Still frozen, you barely breathe before he continues, “...you are alright, right?”

Making a grimace and with no interest in facing him right now, you choke out “mhmyepdefinitelyeverythingsperfect!” in one single breath before you’re forced to inhale deeply. You hear Aizawa’s metallic foot as he walks towards your futon and hear the rustling of his clothes as he bends down in a squat next to you, “you don’t sound perfectly fine to me, though. Do you have a fever? Is it an aftershock from getting your memories back?”

Being the perfectly rational man that he is, he oversteps any boundaries to quickly check your temperature with his palm. Embarrassment can come after he’s made sure you’re okay.

You push his hand away weakly, still looking pointedly at the wall in front of you, letting out a strained laugh, “heehee, I’m just… you’re right, it must be an aftershock, right? Nothing else!”

He lets you swat his hand away without much resistance but stays where he is, letting the silence hang over you both for a minute. Suddenly, he croaks out all hoarse and desperate, “Just tell me if there’s anything, please.”

Your shoulders fall at the voice. Aizawa’s the opposite of having a heart on a sleeve, but you’ve been with him through enough tragedies to know he must be scared shitless right now. Whenever you or Yamada is even remotely bruised, he fusses over you in his own, annoyed way, until he finds you sufficiently healed. You sigh before you let your head fall back onto your pillow, a short moment to gather your thoughts and feelings before having to face him.

It must’ve been a lot for him, when you asked him to recount the years you’d momentarily lost. It would’ve been better to let it be, but he knew you so well and knew you wouldn’t let it go. Curiosity kills the cat, right?

With heavy and slow movement, you turn around so that you’re facing him, hoping your expression won’t betray your real emotions. You sigh and reach out for his hand. It’s shaking but as soon as your warm fingers make contact, he flinches before he relaxes.

Then, he grunts like he’s annoyed and chastises you for worrying him. You giggle, “I’m sorry, you’re tired, right?” you ask, knowing his schedule this week is packed. He usually leaves little wiggle room for emergencies, however many he encounters.

Before he can reply, you pull at his hand and he topples over, half on the futon and half on the floor, on his knees. You laugh and pull him even closer to you, hoping your beating heart isn’t as loud as it feels.

You and Aizawa have cuddled before; loneliness and grief has made you carve out comfort in each other, but nothing else have ever been spoken aloud. No kissing, no romantic notions to trace back to. Having a one-sided crush since high school feels deafening right now, when all the years travel back to you after what only amounts to a moment without them.

You want to tell him how you feel; losing your memories made you realize how much you’d like for him to comfort you with kisses if anything should ever happen; how you’d like for him to hold you without holding back.

He grumbles where his head is rested in your neck after he’s settled, but he makes no effort to move. You nuzzle into the mane of hair and breathe in his scent; it’s a lavender-scented shampoo that Yamada insists on buying for him. He never accepts it without complaining, but he also never showers without using it. There’s a spare in your bathroom, at the Agency’s bathroom and at his teacher’s dorm at U.A.

“Y’know, I was really surprised for a moment that you became a teacher.”

He makes no movement, but you know he’s listening.

“But as soon as I thought about it, it made perfect sense. You care so much it sometimes hurts to watch…”

You feel his fist tighten around your bedding, but he stays otherwise quiet still.

“You hurt watching me, too, right? How we both have a habit of bending over backwards for what we perceive is right.”

You start dragging your hands through his hair, letting out a sigh.

“I like that we know each other so well. I like how after so many years, you’re still right here in my arms…”

You pause as his upper arm snakes around you, a sharp exhale against your neck.

“You’ve never dated anyone. At least, not anyone you’d tell me about, so I have no idea where this will lead me to but,”

You take a moment to gather your nerves. There’s really no backing down now. Even if you regret it, your words have already given your feelings away; there’s nothing you can take back.

There’s nothing you want to take back.

You’re about to continue your confession when Aizawa pushes against your neck, his warm lips, soft despite the dryness, presses against your pulse point. You can hear your heartbeat so loud in your ear that the rustling of the sheets from Benben is indistinguishable to you, the only sensation you’re able to take in being Aizawa’s lips as they briefly pull away from your neck, only to push back higher up, closer to your jaw.

You whine and pout, but it’s shaky and without much force. You want to protest, scold him for interrupting you but suddenly he lifts his head to face you, and you’re faced with wide eyes and blown pupils. He steals a glance at your lips before he licks his own, pink tongue peeking out. You feel like a cornered prey, one that’s about to be devoured by a beast. When he hovers mere millimeters above your lips he pauses as if to ask for permission and the sigh you let out makes him know that everything’s okay. That everything he’s ever wanted, wished for, dreamed of, is real.

That losing your memory for a second made you desperate to make more meaningful ones.

And you kiss.

While curiosity did kill the cat, satisfaction definitely brought it back.

#its been a while since i wrote and posted a full blown fic so im suddenly nervous........ in like the way i used to be when i started! its #little fun to feel that way again after 30+ works!!!#aizawa shouta x reader #aizawa shouta x you #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha x you #bnha fluff #aizawa shouta fluff #reader insert #nohr.writing #nohr.bnha #i honestly MOSTLY hope that this is coherent. i really did shift my perspective half way in bcos i like to flesh out pain apparently KJDASK #ilysm yall<3333 hope u enjoy this smooching offering

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scramratz · 2 months

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i want a septum but i’m massively autistic w sensory issues & im not sure. what’s it like? esp on t, like, how does it feel? i love ur art & ur comics have helped me realize a lot abt myself, so ykno. thank u. sorry if this is weird. (feel free 2 ignore)

Hello! I am also massively autistic with sensory issue and I'm on T! Honestly my septum doesn't bother me at all. After a bit you don't even notice it and if anything, I use it to stim. The pain isn't too bad either if it's done right. Your eyes will water but that's about it. In fact, the piercing that does give me the most issues is my eyebrow piercing

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no-nightingales-iwanttodie · 4 months

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PERCY JACKSON EPISODE 7 SPOILERS!!! (and also for the book if you haven't read it!!)

So, as always, FANTASTIC episode.... But..

There were soo many things that I waited the week to see, that they either changed, or completely left out.

A lot of the changes they did in the series are not changes that bother me or they're changes I really liked, but this time they did me dirty.

The struggle in crusty's??? The waiting room filled with dead people??? The whole oh no cerberus is after us what are we gonna do omg wait cerberus is just a big puppy that wants to have some fun???

I know they did still technically have that last one but it was very different from the book.

Now see, I don't mind that it's different from the books, this is Rick's chance to rewrite the book but with the knowledge he has of what happens in the whole book series.. But some things I think affected the episode a bit on the negative side.

Another thing that does annoys me at times, but truly isn't the end of the world, is that too often the characters just. Know. They meet a new monster and they immediately know who it is and what they do. Where as in the book they find out the hard way. Knowing that they've reached medusas lair before they see the statues to prove it, knowing how to defeat crusty before even walking into his shop (otherwise Annabeth wouldn't already be wearing her cap, fight me) etc. I think the overall show would be slightly improved, had they just added maybe 10 minutes to every episode, and used those extra minutes to show our heroes actually in trouble. Percy doesn't know how to properly fight yet, show him learning. They do that, but I think they could do it more.

I don't mind the telling, not showing, because the entire first book is just a huge infodump. The people that are mad at that, needs to read the book (again)

Also, that is EXACTLY how I envisioned hades to be. Not so somber, not the hadestown version of hades (tho I really do love hadestown hades) but the dorky, clever little bastard that was in episode 7. Thank you! I immensely enjoyed every second of those few minutes of screen time he had. But I do think some scenes were too short. Don't come for me, I know a lot of the "fights" from TLT are way shorter than some people might remember, but they did almost die in crusty's shop and I wanted persassy talking to charon and sailing the Styx.

I did like that they kept the shoes dragging grover to tartarus, that gives a lot of info to non readers about who the traitor is.. One thing about tartarus though... I clearly remember it as a cave with a huge bottomless pit? I could be wrong, and honestly, it being in a cave or the middle of a desert is not something that is too important to me, I just thought the cave set the whole mood. Ykno, with Artemis being trapped in there in TTC and all that. But again, not That important to me.

The only thing that has legitimately bothered me about this show, has been the lighting. As someone who is incredibly passionate about lighting, and wants to become a professional in the field, watching (or struggling to) some of the scenes, were so annoying. They could do better than giving Pjo the DC treatment. I watch the show on my computer, in a dark room, with the screen light on max, and still couldn't see certain scenes in the show (like the amusement park, the minotaur, fields of asphodel etc)

There's many ways to show the audience that it's so dark the characters might have trouble seeing, without the audience feeling the same way.

I'm so sorry about the length of this, I had stuff to say. But no one will ever get me to dislike this show. I love it, so so soo much, sometimes there are just things I'm insanely excited to see, as a book reader, that doesn't happen and I'm a bit sad about that, no matter how good bad or neutral the changes are.

#percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #Percabeth #pjo tv show #pjo books #Spoilers #I still love the show #No matter what they change or leave out entirely #We find out the truth sort of

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fernn-xp · 7 months

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My Digital Circus/TADC Sona !!! it was so hard designing them LOL but I'm happy with the out come:3

here's a lil (a lot) more on her !

**🌙 Colme ⭐️**

☆ Trans neutral lesbian • they/she/he • 27yrs old • 5'5"

☆ Because they are always getting interrupted, they resort to charades. If that doesn't work and they need to get their point across quick, they either right on the floor/wall or if there's paper literally anywhere they'll use that

☆ IF they ever get the chance to talk, which is either when they are in a small group or if they NEED to say something real bad, it'll always be fast anf loud LOL even when they font need to be. It became a habit

☆ Her body is made out of wood so it kind of makes a click clack sound sometimes ^.^

☆ His control bar is usually high up, so if ur the same height or shorter it's probably impossible to get without help

☆ When they are sleeping it's on the floor so it's easier to grab at, but after a few incidents they now sleep on top of it

☆ If you cut any if the strings they literally will not be able to move and someone will have to carry her around before Caine fixes him

☆ They joked about hating French people alot before the digital circus and now they have a French accent LOL

☆ Regarding their personality, it's kind of hard to figure out? As they can leik ykno barely talk. But they are a bit of a ranty person, nitpicking small things when they get the chance to talk. Their body language is very exaggerated to get their point across also.

Other than being a ranter I would say they are /okay/ to hang around. May be funny to see them do charades n stuff LOL Maybe around people they RLLYYY like anf can trust to be in a 3 feet distance from them they're a bit more nice👍a bit snarky though

#art #my art #zafirs art #the amazing digital circus #tadc #tadc oc #the amazing digital circus oc #the amazing digital circus sona #tadc fanart #tadc sona #moon #space #mime #puppet #lol like fnaf #oc #fanart #the amazing digital circus fanart

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silver-wield · 2 months

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Have you seen Dumdum's predictions lately? they predicted CA’ll kiss in part 3, hey.. did they forget they predicted that CA would get kiss in part 2 and in the end CT got that kiss, to be honest if I ship CA I wouldn't want to set her up with a man who has already kissed another girl, it seems like they are people who don't succeed in socializing in real world

I've seen them say it's real cloud on the nightmare date which is stupid because it's clearly soldier boi. Real Cloud is wearing Zack's spare uniform, and soldier boi isn't.

But what even is narrative context to these deluded idiots?

They really want Cloud to be the type of trash who'd kiss any girl. That's pretty much what Aerith wanted from him. she wanted him to confirm he was a "charming womaniser" like Zack (which he isn't so how tf did she date him for two years and not know him?) because then he's more like Zack, and his borderline obsession with Tifa can be brushed off as just being flirty.

Too bad for them, Cloud is so into Tifa she forms the core of his beliefs and identity. There's literally no separating him from her. When Sephiroth tried, Cloud shut down, and Aerith didn't give a shit. She's busy looking in the mako pool for Tifa while Cloud is sitting zombified on his own. If that was Tifa there, she'd be taking care of him.

Anyway, there's no separating them and who tf wants to be with a guy who holds someone so dearly to his heart that she's the nucleus of it? He'd always be looking at her. Even if Aerith "won", they wouldn't last. It'd be a five minute affair that ends when she dumps him for not being Zack enough for her and for always prioritising Tifa.

Ykno, they actually threw in a shot of Yuna being kissed by Seymour and were all "look the girl kisses another guy!!!" And I immediately thought "so you haven't played ffx either". That's literally one of my favourite installments and I don't even need to look up any plot points to know what happened in that scene. That whole section from the airship to the temple is actually my fave in the whole game. But yeah, they haven't played FF games. I honestly doubt they've played any SE games, not just FF, but any jrpgs in general. Has anyone seen them talking about gameplay or loadouts or boss battle strategies or thoughts on anything besides a non existent ship they've been whining about for almost three decades?

#ship war #for the fandom

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mcnuggyy · 3 months

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vent/rant SAD!!

kinda feel myself getting a bit depressed being back at my parents… I’m not sure if it’s because I feel really constricted again, or if I’m missing my wife, or I feel like I’m losing all this progress I made in my independence even though I’m only here for a while, or because I feel all these bad habits I’ve been able to get rid of sort of coming back? Also I have no job or reliable source of income right now and getting a job while I’m kinda on vacation seems silly but idk… I have like 300 dollars to my name rn and my edd is about to end and I go back to Canada in a month anyways so like!!! I either gotta do more commissions or try and advertise myself on upwork again or something 🥲🥲🥲

Like!! There’s more important things to worry about for sure, like my residency paperwork, and getting my hrt shit figured out! But ugh I feel at such a loss all of a sudden.. before I felt so on top of it even though I didn’t have a “regular” job.. but now I’m just reminded of all the reasons I left in the first place </3 idk! Idk! I think I need to go outside and run around or something maybe then I’ll feel better <3 I think I’ve changed in too many significant (and good!) ways and now I feel like I’m being forced back into an old shell I’ve outgrown ykno?

And even though my parents have been extremely kind and patient w me now that I’m back for a bit I can’t help but feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop… like they’re gonna find a way to keep me trapped here again or something…

ALSO. My hair is getting long and I NEED to cut it!!! But too many important people in my life have said they like that it’s long and it’s upset me but also I care about what they think too much and ugh!! Dysphoria has felt extra bad!!! SAD!! I miss my kitty cats and I miss my beloved and I miss my bed and my new routine and I just wanna go home and and and

#vent #nuggyy txt #don’t get me wrong though it’s been such a joy to be w my siblings #and get back into reading #but the energy? the vibe? it’s all wrong for me rn :-( ugh #I need therapy!!! a haircut!!! and some exercise!!!#something!!!#anything!!!

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breaded-boi · 10 months

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ngl i mourn for kids now because holy shit the toys do not have the same amount of detail or paint or anything nowadays. (with some exception, like i have no clue how MGA sells lol dolls for 20 bucks with the detail involved) the designers do the best they can but there's only so much you can do with modular plastic molds and stickers. i had a way better my little pony castle when i was 6 than the kids get now. like ok look at this.

This was the flagship g5 castle playset. and they try with nice molds, modular pieces, and leaning into a design that doesn't need much paint, right? The interactive bits are fun. But compared to what we used to have...

the motherfucking g3 celebration castle. The river, steps, climbing flowers, trim, rainbow-- all of it is painted detail. The inside does go with mostly stickers but that moat piece in particular is lovely. I may grab some more examples but my point is, the designers are still good, it's just wayyy more expensive to get stuff like this manufactured nowadays and it's sad that I idolized someday working in a toy industry that just does not exist the same way at all anymore. And I get if you may prefer the new design since the old castle is a little younger-skewed, but my point is the level of detail here is completely different between the two sets and both were suppose to be the "fancy deluxe birthday/christmas present" option for their respective generations. More examples--

I wasn't born in time to have clamshell polly pockets, but like.

The 2000 jungle pals set. Almost everything is colored!! the immersion is so good and the fact that it's a little fold-out house its so fucking cute. The gradient on the leaf canopy. there are modular pieces but the painted details bring it alllll together.

I didn't have this one but the little trees. the chair. come on. come onnnn

The modern polly, this is the most expensive set listed on mattel's site right now. And everything is either a separate mold or a sticker and i dunno like they try and it doesn't look super bad but it's not at all as immersive. they seem to push the interactive/moveable pieces to try and make up for the loss of immersion but its not the sameeee :( not to mention im honestly not a huge fan of the way they're pushing this particular palette of purple/teal.

This is an older set, and it uses similar colors to much better effect. even with hardly any painted detail the objects they choose to populate the scene with are tailored to that chunky look. Imo if you aren't going to paint a piece, molded detail can be a double-edged sword. the door and furniture in the modern set look much more like just chunks of plastic to me compared to the little food court chairs or the shrub in this one, because the pieces do not call attention to details that seem like they should be colored. There isn't much paint on this one, but if the floor flowers or the ferris wheel were just one solid color it would definitely hurt the appeal ykno?

now, littlest pet shop. im gonna take a second to spotlight the REAL old lps toys before the bobblehead style really came about because I had these as a kid (had a relative with an antique shop, these were before my time and I was lucky) and they are. just. the small amount of painted detail paired with good color choice really makes these work (had to take some of these from ebay listings, it's hard to find good pics)

The duck pond. Painted details on the trellis!! and the magnetic wand you could use to make the ducks swim 🥺 The swan pond is even more beautiful

Even some of the less detailed sets from this era still have enough painted detail on at least one part to help it feel less like just a hunk of plastic.

I don't dislike modern toy design, but it makes me sad. And obviously, I don't know anything about the working/manufacturing conditions at play here and no painted detail is worth compromising on good conditions. It's just wild, looking back. Kids today don't know what they lost :/

#toycore #toy design #mlp #lps #polly pocket #toys

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