#and it’s like (spoilers and/or death of the author) this is a novel about coming to terms with yourself for being queer

[stylishanachronism]

*grump grump*

It’s a novel about discovering you’re queer in your twenties what the fuck are y’all talking about.

#was trying to remember the name of A Fistful of Sky’s….. antagonist? second protagonist? secondaryish romantic lead? (it’s Altria) #except my copy is….. somewhere so I couldn’t just grab it #and like all the reviews are both a. trash and b. Missing The Point #like if I had to point at a novel that defined my teenage relationship with being queer this is like top two #(the other is A Stir of Bones which are less blatantly queer than it’s…. later chronological books but for thematically correct reasons) #anyway the two major complaints are ‘this doesn’t wrap up with the family resolving their issues’ #and ‘not mature enough for adult fantasy’ #and it’s like (spoilers and/or death of the author) this is a novel about coming to terms with yourself for being queer #and coming to terms with coming to terms with your family about being queer may never be an option #and also about taking love where you find it and how it is not how you’d like it to be #(the main character is both explicitly bi by the end (…..sort of) #and in a relationship with a nonhuman shapeshifter who uses female pronouns and wears a woman’s body but doesn’t actually care about it #I’m going to fight all these middle aged moms like what the fuck #also fuck you too mature for ya I was thirteen and it was difinitive and I got way more out of it than my mom did too

[penny-anna]

i have other things to do but here we gooooo owl house fic recs:

Autism to Autism Communication by Polyhexian

"I understand sarcasm," Hunter said, sounding offended. He crossed his arms. "You didn't do the voice thing." Darius stared at him. "The what?" Hunter put his arms in the air and gave his hands a sarcastic little wave. "I GuEsS I'LL hAvE tO sToP cOmInG oVeR, tHeN," he said in the most over the top and comical parody of sarcasm that Darius had ever heard in his life.

everything by this author is great & this one is a joy and a delight!!

Extant Species by Polyhexian

She'd been called a monster more times than she could count, but she knew what a real monster looked like.

i'd happily rec a bunch of polyhexian's stuff but this lil vee & hunter fic was a highlight. especially enjoy the part where hunter's advising her on how best to go about murdering him. love that for them both!!

Owlet by Polyhexian

"Eda!" Hunter yelled as he shouldered open the door and Hooty cooed and rambled at him, "I need help with my potions homewooooooaaaat the HELL is that?!" Luz looked up from where she was sitting on the couch and reading what appeared to be a romance novel about werewolves. "What is what?" "That!" he yelled, pointing at the hulking behemoth curled up in the middle of the room in a massive pile of blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals. "Is that the owl beast?!"

& 1 more!! short n sweet n cute

With Clay and Star Scraps by SiryyGray

Hunter decided to do some research into Grimwalkers. First discovery: Grimwalkers were outlawed in every city under every rule as far back as the history books go. Second discovery: Grimwalkers have no natural means of death. Third discovery: there’s a caveat to that second one.

some absolutely brutal grimwalker content. SPOILERS: hunter can't outlive belos.

Intrusion by rayrock

'He drops something in. It moves and writhes, but it is clearly exhausted. “Eat,” is all he says, voice barely above a whisper. But it is a demand nonetheless, intimidating enough to send shivers down her spine. She hisses in protest once more. He tucks the notepad and pen into his cloak and pulls out a staff. It unfolds and glows a bright red. He does not say anything more. He is nearly always silent when she sees him.' Or: Vee and the Golden Guard’s relationship is complicated, but it is there

some more vee & hunter content for you

just a little bit left by prodigalDaughter

The first time Darius had seen the new Guard unmasked, the fury and betrayal had risen in him like floodwater, bubbling and steaming out of creeks and sewers. Creed had never told him he had a son. —— Hunter has discovered what he is, but he’s not the only one who has to grapple with assumptions made about his origins.

hey remember the other day when i was talking about 'what if darius thought hunter was the previous golden guard's son'! well here u go someone wrote that fic

Wild and Wandering Cries by PorcelanaRota

So his uncle goes flying into the wall directly above him and he is unable to dodge. And his uncle, who is now more palisman curse slime than he is flesh and blood, splatters on the wall, on the ground, on him. Hunter’s been in hundreds of life-or-death situations. He’s felt real and true and visceral fear that sank into his bones and marinated into terror more times than not. Still, nothing has ever left him so shocked and horrified and just flat-out scared that time has actually stopped.

belos splash zone? belos splash zone.

mistakes (the thrilling saga, in high definition) by quynnyah

"This," Amity says, "is not normal human behavior." (Or: Amity and Hunter volunteer to help Camila on a grocery trip. It goes about as well as expected.)

some banging amity & hunter in the human realm stuff for u

Notched by angelcloves

Belos removes the ear tag from his newest Grimwalker.

tiny wee fic giving a backstory for Hunter's notched ear. i rotate this concept in my brain all the time. absolutely twisted.

There is no open window, but the floors still creep by theprincessofdenial

On Tuesday, they eat Chinese. On Wednesday, Camila once again doesn’t have the time to cook, so pizza it is. On Thursday, she wants to make a proper dinner but there’s a hold up at the clinic, Luz knocks over a shelf, Willow has a wardrobe emergency, and then Amity’s cat goes missing. And Hunter beats Gus up so badly the boy ends up bleeding, so there’s also that.

hgnnnh i would rec this entire series if i could (it's 14 fics totally 200k total). its all so chewy i want to get my teeth into it and rrrrrrrrrr. ANYWAY this is my no 1 fav i've been back and re-read it about 7 times. love the Camila Noceda POV; the way it captures the chaos of all 6 kids in the house and makes it feel so real & vivid; the absolutely brutal Hunter characterisation. if ur a Hunter fan go read this right away.

Distance by theprincessofdenial

For the first minute, they all just stand there in silence and watch the airship slowly disappear beyond the horizon. Even though they’re supposed to react quickly, the cold still comes as a shock. It takes some time for the reality to settle in and for them to realize how useless everything they have brought is going to be when their marrow freezes. Hunter hears some of the Scouts inhaling sharply after they approach the ledge and look down. They turn around, unsure where to start, and they shuffle their feet in the snow (terrible decision, really, this way their boots are going to get wet even quicker). Hunter’s the first one to break the silence, and oh, he does it with style. He has been rehearsing that line for a week. “See you at the bottom, suckers!” he exclaims as he pulls out the staff and disappears in a flash of red light. (or: The Obligatory "Leave Everyone at the Top of the Mountain and See Who Makes It Back to the Bottom Alive" Fic. With a splash of Steve)

2nd rec from this series. exactly what it says on tin. *banging pots together* you like whump come get your whump i ADORE what this author does w Hunter. also Steve is there (whump for Steve!!)

A Potter's Field by theprincessofdenial

The view from the staircase is, well, not stunning, that’s definitely not the word. It’s just that “view” is supposed to be accompanied by “stunning,” and Luz can feel her brain coming to a screeching halt and refusing to process what they’re seeing. It's skeletons. Come on, they both knew it was going to be skeletons. The entire Isles know at this point. (Or: despite what the stories would have you believe, in the aftermath, there are things to deal with. Those things include ruined infrastructure, electing new leaders, and prosecuting those responsible for the old regime. And apparently, also Grimwalker mass graves.)

& third and final. unbelievably chewy post-canon fic. lets get into the reconstruction of the isles in full detail. goes hard as hell. will sit in my brain for a long time i think. cannot rec this enough.

and rats all for now!! i got a bunch more stuff in my 'marked for later' so watch this space

#the owl house #fic recs #the owl house fic recs

[rosesnwater]

Content Warnings and A Lesson From Lore Olympus

As some of you may know, I write a comic, which i occasionally post about here. I'd like to address a conversation around creators and content warnings in this post as well as the general tremd of authors overstating whats happening in their story. I've seen it come up recently in webtoon discourse within my own comic.

So first off, right after my three page prologue I have an authors note that details all the topics my comic will be going into throughout the course of the story.

It follows:

These are ALL the issues I tackle within the comic and I leave it here so people can decide whether they want to continue with the story. I have labeled my story as mature. There is a warning when anyone accesses the comic for the first time on both Webtoons and Tapas. I also have warnings that come in three degrees that I place before each episode that handles one of the mature themes I mention. However, what I don't do is tell the reader what they're going to see before they see it. I don't like doing this for a couple reason, some of the most important being, I think makes the story redundant because it's already explaining what's going to happen and this in turn disrupts the narrative.

I understand why people feel strongly about warnings and making content safe on a platform with a young audience. However, seeing as this is a work I have invested a considerable amount of time in, that I'm offering for people to enjoy (which i enjoy doing), I believe it is important I tell the story in my own way.

When you pick up a book you may get a warning in the synopsis (although I find this is rare) or in other people's online reviews of the book BUT you have to go looking for those reviews. As a creator I can only testify to my own experience, but like novels, comics are stories and in my own work, the story should NOT be bisected by warnings expressly stating what's going to happen in each episode.

I feel this speaks to a general increased uninvolvement in the material readers are reading and a lack of reading comprehension to the point authors think it necessary to guide their audience through their story.

There has been a decent amount of discourse in the UnpopularLoreOlympus reddit thread about readers reading comprehension. It is now common practice to have images like the one bellow before an episode.

On more than one occasion Rachel has put warning paragraphs at the end of her episode stating without any subtext what EXACTLY a character meant during the episode, even though readers would ideally understood the subtext as communicated by the narrative.

And before that she would have warnings signs like this before episodes where the content would be present:

The above warning is actually quite common amongst comics but it should NOT be required by the audience. If an author is doing their job, they'll have the proper box ticked off when submitting their webtoon

SPOILERS FOR MANY WORKS OF FICTION.

No one tells you at the beginning of jane Eyre that there will be violence, death of children, and abuse, let alone where these incidents will occur.

The hunger games won't warn you before the start of a chapter that there will be starvation or gruesome depictions of character death or content describing mental illness.

Most movies will have warning before the whole movie but they won't briefly cut out of the narrative to tell you what's about to happen and people shouldn't expect comic artists to do this either.

As a comic creator i am rellyng upon my audience's discretion to decide on whether or not a story is safe for their consumption. However, I'm adamant in my own work that that's where my required involvement ends.

I will explain things in the comments or answer reader questions, i will be happy doing so because i get to engage with people on something Ive spent hours creating. I will go onto my discord and jump into the deep world building or explain a particular scene, but this should not be required.

Holding authors accountable for going thoroughly over the controversial issues every episode they post is unreasonable and honestly (for me) damaging to the creative work. We end up with situations like lore olympus where authors are there to explain every warning and subtext to the audience without any work on the readers part.

I know this may be controversial to some, but as a creator, it's something that's bothered me for a while and something I think we should be able to talk about in the artistic community.

#webtoons discourse #webtoons rant #creators #readers #lore olympus #netvor #comic #tapas #webtoons #unpopular lore olympus

[three--rings]

You should read Little Mushroom

Hey guys! As followers know, I've just finished reading this cnovel and I'm here to do a formal rec of it.

What is Little Mushroom?

It's a chinese danmei (BL) novel by the author Shisi, originally published online, now available in official English translation from Peach Flower House.

What's it about?

This is a post-apocalyptic dystopian sci-fi novel where the protagonist is a mushroom.

What??

Yeah, he's an actual mushroom. Most of the Earth is a wasteland of radiation and mutated monsters, which means things are WEIRD AS FUCK. He comes from a particularly weird and dangerous place, and somehow he achieves sentience. His spore (child? infant? egg?) is stolen by a human and he finds a dying human called An Ze so he takes this human's form and memories and becomes human-shaped and calls himself An Zhe. Then he goes seeking out more humans to find and save his spore.

Okay, and this is a romance? With a mushroom?

Yes. Though this is honestly one of the danmei I've read that is lightest on the romance. Really the star of the show is the world-building and questions about humanity and ethics.

Characters:

An Zhe: The most adorable mushroom ever. You will love him. Everyone loves him. He's just a little mushroom trying to navigate a weird human world without the humans discovering he's really a "monster."

Lu Feng: The Arbiter, a judge authorized to kill anyone on sight that he suspects of being contaminated with xenogenic (monster) genes. And he does, a lot. Seemingly cold and unfeeling, hated by many if not most of the human population because he, yanno, keeps killing people, even if it's necessary to protect what remains of humanity. He spares An Zhe, though.

Other characters: Well, most of them don't last long. It's a vicious world. There's a lot of death. There are some nice side characters towards the end, though.

Why should I read this?

Look, it's just a really great book, okay? It's a book about a fairly grim future for humanity, and the things humanity is forced to do to survive, and dystopian elements and the struggles that result. It's about big ethical questions and big existential questions about whether humanity deserves to live and what the point of struggling to survive is...whether there is any hope for humanity and whether there's any point to hope at all.

And it's all told through the POV of a mushroom. Come on!

For all that, it's not a dark novel. The first half in particular feels pretty light, mostly because of the POV, granted. It's really funny in a lot of parts, but the undertone, the background is always this fairly grim stuff. Really unique juxtaposition. The second half gets deeper and really digs into the existential questions. And yeah it made me cry towards the end.

Minor spoilers from here on

But it does have a happy ending for the main characters and the romance, and a hopeful if not entirely happy one for humanity as a whole.

The romance is fairly light on the ground in this. An Zhe is a mushroom and he doesn't really understand sex or romance or have much interest in it for most of the book, despite people constantly trying to GET him interested. Lu Feng is clearly in the background developing feelings, but An Zhe is oblivious and just worried about his mushroom concerns, yanno? Eventually there are feelings-realization and they end up together, but it's still doesn't feel like a traditional romance. I'd say it's very ace friendly even if there are hints of sexual off-screen stuff.

Other reasons to read it:

It's short for a cnovel, and it flies by. This was my main vacation reading that I took to the pool and it was perfect. And I FLEW through vol 2 in a couple of sittings.

It's got a very nice translation and you should support this lesser known novel getting an English publication from a publisher that isn't Seven Seas.

Where do I buy it?

Both physical volumes are available from Peach Flower House. Or you can get ebooks from various ebook sellers, including Amazon. (Right now Amazon also has the paperbacks, but when I was buying they didn't.)

More Info.

#little mushroom #xiao mogu #threerings' recs #danmei #cnovels #小蘑菇 #threerings recs books

[meikuree]

stuff li aixue says

this is a quick compilation and translation of mandarin chinese segments in exordia, for reference purposes or just the discerning curious reader out there. quotes aren't limited to aixue, of course, but I wanted a catchy title.

I do have the memory of a single-celled organism and am not really skilled at combing through chapters for that one quote, so if I've missed something you're welcome to send it to me to be added.

spoilers ahead.

note: all mandarin chinese bits in Exordia are rendered solely in Hanyu Pinyin and not Hanzi, so I've done some guesswork for hanzi (in places where they're not immediately obvious) based on context.

Chaya's Protocol:

A woman in a red T-shirt trots right past her, headed toward the angel. She’s shooting video on her phone, chattering excitedly: “Jiào tā mén xiān yòng huā cài cauliflower hé xī lán huā tǒng pì yǎn bā, zhè cái suàn shì universality of fractal behavior de lì zǐ!”

=> 叫他们先用花菜 cauliflower 和西兰花捅屁眼吧, 这才算是 universality of fractal behavior 的例子!

ENG: right, tell them to use buttholes from cauliflower and broccoli then, that's a real example of the universality of fractal behavior!

note: ah, Aixue's memorable entrance. I'll admit I'm lost on 捅屁眼 and don't know what else it could mean aside from the literal translation of 'asshole'/'butthole'; attempts to check whether it's a mainland chinese slang phrase didn't tell me much, so if you know something please feel free to message.

-

chapter 33:

Master Sergeant Zhang: Máo gān, zhè shì máo jiān. Wǒ mén xū yào jǐn jí kōng zhōng zhī yuán!

=> 矛杆、这是矛剑。我们需要紧急空中支援！

ENG: High Spear, this is Sharp Sword. We need urgent air support!

-

chapter 39:

Aixue: Wǒmen bìxū yào Pò fǔ chén zhōu… / Bù xíng! Wǒmen bìxū yào pò fǔ chén zhōu!

=> 我们必须要破釜沉舟... / 不行！我们必须要破釜沉舟

ENG: we need to fight to the very end... / no! we need to fight to the very end!

note: Aixue says 破釜沉舟, which is a four-word chengyu (idiom) that roughly means 'to pursue your last resort'; it literally means to sink one's entire fleet in an offensive, and figuratively refers to cutting off your own means of retreat i.e., to fight to the very death and leave yourself no choice.

-

and some trivia on other Chinese phrases:

lala (拉拉): Chinese slang for 'lesbian'. comes from lazi (拉子), from the novel Notes of a Crocodile by famous Taiwanese lesbian author Qiu Miaojin.

T / P: the Chinese counterpart to the butch/femme spectrum. T = tomboy, P = po ('wife') or also pretty girl, apparently.

tongzhi (同志): Huang Lim says this to Chaya. this is slang for homosexual in Chinese, but also means comrade (with historical communist associations), hence Huang Lim phrasing it as comrade first.

Li Aixue: aixue's name itself makes sense once you learn about her whole shtick with prajna, a fact that impresses me because Seth had already set her name into stone as early as the precursor short story for Exordia. just things that make you wonder if they'd planned everything out from the very beginning. anyway, Aixue sounds like 爱学, i.e., 'love for learning'. get it? there are many possible surnames with the hanyu pinyin Li, but my pet theory is that Li = 厉 (lit. 'powerful'), so that putting it all together into 厉爱学 means Aixue is an ultra nerd.

#exordia #li aixue #my meta #mandarin chinese #translation #seth dickinson

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 2/27/2024

this is the longest ive ever been unemployed and media is only doing so much to beat back the horrors. so let’s talk about the media instead of the horrors

listening

Come Up For Air by We The Commas, off i think one of the autogenerated spotify indie mixes?

sort of a rollicking modern little surf rock thing, they describe themselves as "surf and alternate rhythm and blue" which is pretty bang on imo. they're all brothers (their last name genuinely is Comma, which i salute as a fellow weird last name haver), and cite john mayer (i don't really hear it) and the beach boys (yes i hear this very much) as some of their influences. a song i had on loop for an entire forty minute drive and did not get tired of. spotify

-

reading

three books that MUST go back to the library tomorrow bc their autorenew is up and i was emotionally unable to get a library card without tooling around and getting a stack of books a month ago.

thank you philip.

i really only liked the Carmilla adaptation by Amy Chu, bc it really gets at what i didn't realize was the heart of the original 1872 lesbian vampire novella: a toxic gay housing situation you have fallen into and can't get out of bc your area is so so so expensive and housing is so so so tenuous. i have read the original but not in a while, this is an excellent modern adaptation centering around a nyc social worker in the late seventies that presupposes no knowledge and intertwines the original novella in the form of a stolen rare book. (nonconsecutive pages)

i don't have much to say about the DC young adult comic about the circus career of one of the Robins (Dick Grayson). i didn't love the loose artstyle and am not in its intended age range plus it had a bit too much therapyspeak, but it did have a clever use of a very limited color palette.

let's yank the amazon description for the detective novel, which i grabbed bc it vaguely pinged something in my brain about one of the fallout 4 sidequests and i've picked books up for worse reasons (SPOILERS):

Jacob Rigolet, a soon-to-be former assistant to a wealthy art collector, looks up from his seat at an auction—his mother, former head librarian at the Halifax Free Library, is walking almost casually up the aisle. Before a stunned audience, she flings an open jar of black ink at master photographer Robert Capa’s “Death on a Leipzig Balcony.” Jacob’s police detective fiancée, Martha Crauchet, is assigned to the ensuing interrogation. 

i simply fucking hated this authorial style and tone and ditched it two chapters in. i don’t currently have the patience for reading about a clinically insane mother and hate crimes against Jewish people. despite the fairly dark premise, the first two chapters veer into cozy mystery with very short sentences, which do not a noir make. now, it does not advertise itself as noir or neo-noir, but as an homage to noir. it is for me unbearably smug. in my most unkind heart of hearts i want to say it's like if wes anderson tried to make a noir. this is a book that wants you to know it has read other noirs. yes thank you ive read several others, that’s why im reading this one, stop reminding me of better books i could be reading.

there's some weird descriptions of womens' bodies in here. chandler (my beloved) is certainly guilty of this as well, but he lavishes a sort of equal opportunity eye on the men in his mysteries. cf the infamous daniel lavery description.

when i read a chandler description of someone’s physical appearance there’s a fruity bisexual aftertaste in my mouth. Howard Norman, below, saying a woman takes great care of herself puts my hackles up. i understand the difference between an author and a character believing something and i don’t want to read a book where either the author or the character have this sort of pitying condescension towards a woman’s body. im feeling extremely terrible about my own body right now due to the various maladies, and another sort of breaking point for me is when an author repeatedly describes "naked breasts" (exact wording) pressing against someone's torso. it feels so juvenile. that's the sexiest thing you can possibly think of??? that's the sexiest way you can think of to describe an early mornign moment of intimacy???? augh i read the NYT review and it gets worse.

shut the FUCK up. i left my apartment at 1130 PM to go put this book in my CAR. i don't want it in my HOUSE.

-

watching

Bullitt (1968, dir. Yates, free on Tubi). the baddie in this is Robert Vaughn (who i know from cowboys), a guy i fucking love to see. i can take or leave Steve McQueen but he does such a killer job parallel parking in this movie and i wish all driving movies made their leads parallel park. shockingly realistic hospital, morgue, and police work scenes, apparently was one of the big films to popularize blood squibs. also love to see a haunted man splash water on his face and stare into a mirror.

if you asked me how long the famous car chase was i would have said like 2:30? substantial but snappy. no!!! eleven minutes!! (video a bit trimmed). also a rare movie that makes a foot chase through an airport as exciting as that eleven minute car chase!!!

the mob dodging plot was a little hard to follow, but i was operating on like four hours of sleep and a rum and coke. this has got to be a tremendous movie to watch when you’re home and sick on the couch huddled under a blanket. i mean this as a compliment, as someone who watches Escape from New York whenever i feel very sick

-

playing

really wanted to get to 69 shrines before writing this post and finally did it. all the little divine beasts walking along the loading screen are SO cute i've never gotten all four before

all the divine beasts are unlocked and the champions laid to rest! im feeling some type of way emotionally speaking about all of them telling link IMMEDIATELY that it wasn't his or zelda's fault they died

rudania has the worst boarding mission (in order of ones i most enjoyed it's camel [SO fast and SO fun], bird [lots of time to think and plan and aim], elephant [did not make me do a tedious stealth mission but i am bad at locking on to rapidly moving things behind me, much like in real life], and lizard. the lizard stealth mission is simply unpleasant). however, my brain really clicked with the puzzles in rudania: i had to consult a walkthrough once for an optional chest. in order of interior beast puzzle enjoyment for me it's lizard, bird, elephant, and camel. really got stuck for a long time on the waterwheels with the elephant before consulting a walkthrough.

the yiga clan stealth mission was not as hard as i thought it would be. i don't know why i put that off for two real life weeks but i will not learn my lesson and i will never improve. this boss battle was just silly.

the vah naboris interior puzzles were not fun. idk what it was about them or my brain that made me have such a bad time, but i spammed revali's gale and skipped a lot of chests bc i was not having fun. this is why god invented the walkthrough but sometimes. shit is just too fiddly.

i did succeed on the thunder ganon boss battle first try, but i came in with extra hearts from mipha's grace, used another mipha's grace in the fight, went through five fairies and seven hearty simmered fruits that were 5x durians (which gives you 20 extra hearts or some shit). fucking nightmare. i was stuck on one hit left on ganon for like five minutes bc he got stuck in the very fast flurry attack cycle. unpleasant. deeply grateful it only made me smack him with the magnesis pillar once bc that was also really fiddly with my poor reaction time + poor fine motor skills + previously mentioned ancient controller with some drift. in order of boss battle enjoyment i think it's lizard (made me think and kept me on my toes a little but i did have to look up how to break the shield), elephant (you can just kind of tank it), bird (same), and camel (extremely not fun).

this was WITH a fully upgraded gimp suit btw. that shit (ganon) just hits hard.

shrine shenanigans:

crowned beast very fun, i have one or two of kass' songs left and then i hope i get to see him back in rito village with his family??? a little nervous bc i went right to the jungle spring without hearing his song first so idk if that will. count??? or softlock me.

the MOUNDS of failed cooking attempts around this shrine on the grasslands side of the gerudo barrier mountains were SO funny.

unlocked all the spring shrines. what a fun mission. what a fun climb.

went to my FAVORITE shrine!!! going into what you think will be a normal cave and discovering it is DEEP with a BIG WHALE INSIDE is top three video game whale moments (the other two are diving with the whales in ABZU and meeting the last whale in the first dishonored).

other bits and bobs:

eggman rocks???

this quest was really cute and i wish there was a corresponding quest for the guy hanging around the broken heart pond, but it always makes me laugh whenever a dragon shows up in the background of a screenshot. a really great touching moment but watch out for the elemental orbs rapidly approaching us

also made me chortle. get it together barta.

i wish the helm was upgradable but i think making me kill a molduga in order to borrow it is a pretty fair trade actually.

-

making

i originally had a really long thing here about litterbox trials and tribulations but i have decided to spare you all. you're welcome.

many balcony improvements, including putting up trellises and installing bird spikes to hopefully keep a very persistent orange tom off my balcony and away from my girls.

there are a goofy number of obstacles in the way of me making a proper planting diagram (sketchbooks buried deep in closet. flung the seeds in a box on a shelf i need to find my stepstool for. can't find pencil sharpener) so for the second week in a row that's not happening. however, sprouts.

baby italian lettuce blend

bush beans in the front and cucumbers + sweet peas in the back.

#tuesday again #tuesday again no problem

[foolondahill17]

My top 10 fic picks from 2022

(all updated or completed in 2022, in no particular order)

This was the year of devouring content from new favorite authors. Special shoutout to @outdean and @urne-buriall . Right Where you Left Me and spirit of the west are on track to becoming new fandom classics, methinks. 

1. Right Where You Left Me by outdean (@outdean), 93,581 words, E, destiel, canonverse

 Cas comes back from the empty 10 years after his death, only to find Dean married (to a man! gasp!). Heartache ensues, but not without a heartwarming end. Warning for (spoilers!) infidelity and emotional abuse from a spouse. Last year's serial fic of Tumblr was Cheapest Room in the House, and this year's was no less beautiful and engaging. What I especially loved about this fic was the sense of community and excitement it spurred in the fandom. It was so fun logging into tumblr after every update for collective squee and memes. What's also particularly praiseworthy about this story is outdean's sense of character. Not only are Dean and Cas authentic and oh-so tangible, but so are the other cast of characters: Jack is especially endearing, but also convincingly adult and complicated. And Dean's husband, although delicious to hate, is also a little difficult to hate, too. At its heart, RWYLM is an unerringly human tale, zits and all. 

2. spirit of the west by teen_dean (@urne-buriall), 140,680 words, M, destiel, AU 

Beautifully atmospheric, at times brutal, at times gentle - this 1990's horsegirl!Dean fic is one for the ages. Dean is 18 and lonely on his father's horse farm - that is until his childhood friend, Cas, returns to town, and they quickly fall into the kind of intimacy that's titillating, tantalizing, and terrifying all at once. TW for strong themes of domestic abuse and PTSD, also homophobia and animal death. The prose is charming and lyrical. The characters are lively and full. It's the kind of writing that's so detailed and visual, you feel like a participant in the story, not just a spectator. Despite the darkness and fear in Dean's life, with Cas by his side (and a host of other lovable characters), he grows to accept love from others and for himself. This is more than a coming-of-age novel. It's also a story about hope: in the face of cruelty, there will also be unfailing kindness. 

3. so much smoke in the hall of mirrors by AreYouReady (@autisticandroids), 6,232 words, E, pre-destiel/one-sided destiel, canonverse

 Dark. Dark. Dark. But also disturbing and alluring in the best possible ways. It's season 6, and Cas is lured steadily further from the light by Crowley and the pressures of the Angelic civil war. To blow off some steam, he creates a Dean sex-doll out of living flesh. Warnings are well-listed in the tags, but include non-con voyeurism, dehumanization, and torture. Although the premise is bleak, this fic is a fascinating and believable dive into Cas's characterization pre-godhood powertrip. Well worth the read if you don't mind a little moral ambiguity with your morning wheaties. 

4. Dateverse by aeli_kindara (@gravelghosts​), 47,057 words, 3 works, E, destiel, canonverse

After the Mrs. Butters business, Dean asks Cas on a date. Warnings for typical Dean bad headspace, but there's plenty of fluff to soothe our (and Dean's) ills. aeli_kindara is an author whose careful writing perfectly suits Dean's caution as he pursues Cas and navigates a relationship within their emotional pitfalls and chaotic surroundings. What I especially admire about her writing is her use of motifs: photographs in the first story, memories in the second, and sunsets in the last. The third installment is waylaid by the events of the final few episodes of the series, but the fic seamlessly blends canon and fresh events into a believable and satisfying happy ending. Also, Dean goes to therapy! What's not to love? 

5. where black stars rise by teen_dean, (@urne-buriall), 27,770 words, T, destiel, canonverse

This case fic carves through the grand, sweeping mysteries of the universe like the Sidewinder Canyon through the desert. No specific warnings other than that very distinct, unnerving state of mind you enter while driving alone at night, darkness and pin-prick stars above you, and it feels like you're nothing but an infinitesimal speck of dust on the cusp of eternity.... Anyway, this fic follows Dean and Cas on the trail of several missing persons on a canyon trail in Arizona, unobtrusive until time and space, itself, unravels at the seams. Teen_dean plays with words and the cosmos like Play-Doh, molding an ethereal, enthralling story that rocketed up to one of my favorite fics of all time. 

6. iconography by foccacciabread (couldn’t find a tumblr), 3,578 words, G, Mary and Dean centric, canonverse

A simple enough premise: Mary finds old photographs of herself on Facebook. Cue family heartache, the punishment of lost time, and navigating old wounds. How to be a son when your mother isn't who you thought she was? How to be a mother when your child is dead but somehow still alive, but so, so changed? No warnings, but heavy angst. 

7. Dont Stop, Make It Pop by dumbassnatural (@dumbassnatural), 34,661 words, WIP, T, destiel, canonverse

Cas accidentally becomes a tik tok sensation, and Jack uses his technological and business savvy to make his dad a star. Both parts sweet and earnest, this story starts with a silly premise and takes it to surprisingly heartwarming places. No warnings other than the fact this is a WIP that hasn’t been updated since January, but it does leave off in a place that isn’t hard to extrapolate what might comes next. 

8. in present tenses by focacciabread, 31,463 words, E, destiel, canonverse

After getting Cas back from the Empty, Dean decides the smartest move to guarantee Cas doesn’t ever leave him again is to just start sleeping with him. It’s what Cas wants, right? And it won’t do any further psychic damage to Dean, right? Right? Surely it will not have any negative effects whatsoever on their relationship. Warnings for bad Dean headspace throughout. There are a couple fics with this premise floating about, but I was especially drawn to focacciabread’s evocative writing and convincing Dean internal monologue. We love a messy boy. 

9. AITA for disapproving of my brother's high sex drive? by birdsofthesoul (couldn’t find a tumblr) and PlaidIsTheBestPattern (@cacophony-of-notions), 3,907 words, T, implied destiel, canonverse

This one also made its rounds on Tumblr, so you’ve probably already read it, but it’s an absolutely delightful, only partially serious take in Dean and Sam’s Reddit Rivalry and that particular brand of moralizing found in online spaces. It does what all the best “crack taken seriously” fics do, which is gives us an amusing premise but never deviates from the voices of these characters we know so well. Very mild warning for homophobia. Also be sure to read the rest of the AITA series.

10. peace came upon me (and it leave me weak) by outdean (@outdean), 73,773 words, E, destiel, canonverse

After Cas gets taken to the empty, Dean gets sober. Cas comes back a year later. Problems ensue. This one deals seriously and carefully with addiction and alcoholism, especially heavy mistakes done under the influence. Dean has a lot of growing to do and a lot to atone for, and he isn’t let off the hook easy. Cas has his own journey as he learns to forgive Dean for passed mistakes and navigate a future life with the man he’s in love with. It’s not an easy path, and it’s not an easy story to read, but it’s well worth it. Outdean navigates serious issues with finesse and delicacy that’s wonderful to observe. 

Honorable mention: 

Pater by TaraxcumWine, (couldn’t find a tumblr),  184,366 words, E, destiel, AU

I recced this as a WIP last year, but it finished posting early in 2022. I didn’t want it to take up a spot again, but I can't help but mention it. It’s a thoughtful, intricate, and beautiful look in Dean and Cas’s relationship from their first meeting to present day. It deals with heavy themes of child abuse, past non-con, mental health issues, homophobia, etc. so tread carefully. This is especially recommended for those who liked spirit of the west or my own silver linings series, as it deals with similar themes. It’s very well worth the read despite the hefty length. 

#fanfic recs #fic recs #2022 fanfiction review #read 'em while they're hot

[morganas-pendragons]

Ceilings | Joel Miller

Summary: He's gone.

Authors Note: First of all, I am SO sorry for this LOL but this idea has been in my head since the DAY I started watching the gameplays on YouTube and... yeah I'm sorry

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR THE LAST OF US PART ONE AND TWO, MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, ANGST

This is heavily based off of the songs Ceilings by Lizzie Mcalpine. Blame TikTok. This is ALL I have heard over the last week and a half. I'm not sure if this turned out the way I initially wanted it to, but oh well. Here you go!

***

It's pink. The walls are pink, the twins names on either wall written in a brilliant calligraphy are pink against a cream background. The only thing that isn't pink is the ceiling.

He wanted it cream to match the walls. You wanted it white.

That's why you've been sitting here for the last hour contemplating the color of your babies room and ceiling because it's easy. It's easy and after all you have been through... You could use easy.

So could Joel. That's why he chose the girls names the very first time you ever mentioned having kids. After years worth of fear of being a father, of failing at being a dad to his own babies and to Sarah, you'd coaxed him into a state that had Joel Miller fully embracing his love for you and his desire for a future.

The girls names were to be Charlotte and Eliza. Charlotte Miller and Elizabeth Miller.

Charlie and Eliza.

Previously

He's been thinking about it a lot more since he came back to Jackson. Thinking about that time when you, he and Ellie had first arrived, when Joel had come rushing out onto the street in the midst of a panic attack and found himself staring into the past.

Or what should've been the future.

Joel had thought he'd seen Sarah out on that snow-covered road. Sarah, with her mass of curls, opening her arms to embrace a daughter who looked exactly like her. A life Sarah should've been able to have. A granddaughter that Joel should've been able to love.

He's been thinking about it more. The possibility of another child, of having a second chance - as Ellie was already more then enough proof he'd been given a second chance - to raise a child of his own was something Joel quietly yearned for.

To hold his own baby. To make up for his mistakes.

It had been something the two of you had talked about when Ellie wasn't paying attention. You had been the one to initially bring it up. Claiming that you believed he'd be a good father, that he'd been a good father, and what happened to Sarah had not been his fault.

It had been twenty some years since he'd held his daughter as she died. It never got easier. Not then, not now, not in the quiet darkness of the bedroom he now shared with you in Jackson.

"I think I'd like to try," Joel whispers. You turn your head away from where it's been buried in your novel, eyes seeking his out in the dark as Joel turns to look at you over his shoulder. "To talk about kids again. To talk about having them with you."

Your smile could rival the sun. This isn't something he'd comfortably admit in front of other people, but that's never been an issue with you. Joel's practically already laid his bleeding soul at your altar so many times in the last couple of months. There's nothing you don't know.

There's things you know that even Tommy doesn't know.

"Are you sure?" You ask gently. "Are you sure that this is something you want?"

"If it's worth it to you, Sunshine-"

You're deliberate in your movements as you cross the bed to hold his chin in your hand. Joel's breath catches as you press the pad of your thumb into the divot of his chin. "It's not just about me," You say. "It's also about what you want, Joel."

He can see it. He can see a little girl running around on bare feet in the early hours of the morning in their house as you stand over the stove to prepare breakfast.

He can hear it. Laughter.

He can feel it.

The same love he'd felt for Sarah. Something he'd thought was dead.

"It is what I want." Joel whispers. "But there's something I need just as bad."

"Which is?"

"You." He holds up a red velvet box, and your whole world comes stuttering to a halt. "To marry me."

***

Bedsheets... No clothes... Touch me like nobody else does...

Lovely to just lay here with you.....

He's so warm. Joel is like the sun has come down to meet you on the cold grounds of a now desolate Earth, warm and comforting and present. He's been stretched out on his side of the bed for the entire night.

No nightmares. It's a quiet relief that you revel in because it's the first time in all these months you've known him where he's known peace.

And really, isn't that what you've wanted?

You're kinda cute and I would say all of this

But I don't wanna ruin the moment

Careful not to wake him, you pull the sheets up over your bare chest and prop your head up with one hand to drag your fingertips across the expanse of his back. So much fine muscle. Fine, toned muscle that moves with every breath he takes as Joel remains in deep sleep.

The ring on your finger gleams as the early rays of the morning sun begin to fracture through the plain-colored curtains on the windows.

Mrs. Miller has a nice ring to it.

When Joel does wake up is when everything really comes alive. Your cheeks redden when he captures you in the cage of his arms, dark eyes bright and happy - because he's married, and he's content, and he's in love - aa he leans down to kiss you. It's so odd to see him so at peace especially with the lingering issue of the divide between him and your sister just out of reach.

Because while your lives together may be just beginning, the contempt and resentment your sister harbors flows from her little garage where she chooses to live. To live without you and Joel.

It is what it is.

Lovely to sit between the comfort and chaos

***

A Few Weeks Later

You'd been with Joel for most of the morning doing a supply run about fifty miles outside of town. You'd struggled with nausea for the greater duration of the morning, feigning ignorance to the real reason and claiming that it was simply something you'd eaten the night before. He'd been too focused on the goal of why you were out there to begin with.

But it's over Then you're drivin' me home

"I've got just the right thing for dinner," Joel remarks as you pull into the main gates of Jackson. "That soup I make that you love."

You kick up your feet onto the dash and grin as you tuck your hands behind your head. "The one with the beef, potatoes and spinach?" You reply. "That is my favorite."

"Of course it is. I'm a phenomenal cook."

"You can make three things in total, Miller," You hold up three fingers and curl one by one. "Soup, sandwiches, and salads. Anything else is out of your league." Leaning outward, you tip your head up and turn around so you are resting your head in his lap as the truck comes to a gradual stop. "Just like I was."

He doesn't reply. Not as the young adults swarm the truck to unload the supplies and take them into the appropriate storage units, leaving the two of you alone before Tommy and Maria inevitably come looking to question you and if you encountered anyone on your trip.

Joel's wearing that soft, tender look. That look you so very rarely see because that's not who other people know him to be. That's not the Joel Miller. The infamously stoic, cold and sharp man who's renowned for his brutality and violence that's brought down grown men. The man has more blood on his hands than anyone else you know.

But you love him anyway. You especially love him in these quiet moments where those walls he builds around the people of Jackson fall and he's just the quiet man who wants to love. To be loved.

You sit up and move to wrap your hand around the door handle.

And it kinda comes out as I get up to go

You kiss me in your car

And it feels like the start of a movie I've seen before

"I love you." He blurts out. Your eyes widen just as scarlet dusts his cheeks, and you're so taken off guard because it's the first time he's said it out loud. You surge forward and capture his mouth with your own as you press his shoulder into his own door.

Your laughter is what has Joel pulling away like he's been burned because the next thing you know, someone has opened his door without him realizing it and caused him to fall straight backward into a snowbank.

"Joel!" You curl your fingers around the side of the seat as Joel rolls to the side and upward to glare at you where he now sits wet and grumpy in the snowbank. "I'm going to find Maria. Have fun getting yourself out of those clothes!"

"Try telling me what you really want, Sunshine!"

"You!" You call over your shoulder with a wicked grin on your lips. "Clothes off!"

Reality settles in as you approach Maria's house. If your assumption is correct, and your gut usually is, then your pregnancy is about to absolutely tear Joel's world out from under his feet.

You're not sure that's a good thing.

***

Life goes on anyway. Your sister has made no effort to reconcile with Joel - and in her own right, as Ellie fully believes she has a justifiable reason for her ire against both you and him - and has no intentions to do so until you approach her garage after your return from your supply run with a test in your hands.

A positive test. A test Joel didn't know about.

''El," You call as you knock on the door. "Can I come in?"

There's a brief period of silence before someone is shuffling behind the door before approaching it. Ellie's form waits on the other side, brow raised in question as her eyes flicker between your own and the test in your hands.

"Whatever that is, I want no part."

And that's what causes it. Your gaze hardens as you shove your way inside of her garage, purposefully ignoring the guitar that Joel gave her by the bed. "You don't get to do that with me. You might be able to do it with Joel, but not with me." You snap. "This is your niece or nephew. This is our family. You don't get to just walk away from that."

She seems tired of the arguments. You don't blame her, but after what Joel had done for her, you'd expect her to at least act grateful. Even if she could defend herself.

"I don't screw around with liars." Ellie says evenly. "I don't care if they're family. The very least you could do is act like you committed some atrocity by lying to me of all people."

She wants an apology. If that's all she wants, then you'll give it to her.

"Ellie, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I had to lie to you for a reason that you will not understand until you are a parent and have lost a child." You screw your eyes shut and clench your hands at your sides. "I'm sorry that what Joel and I did in that moment in the hospital was for you, not against you. And I'm sorry that your inability to forgive either of us will most likely cost you a relationship with your future niece or nephew."

Turning sharply on your heel, you don't give her the satisfaction of even beginning to formulate a response before you're slamming the test on her side table and slamming the door behind you.

Ellie stares at the two bold lines on the test after you've left for far longer than she cares to admit.

***

Joel leaves that afternoon with Tommy. You share one final goodbye on the snowy road that leads out of Jackson, bathed in afternoon light as you lean backward and smooth out the fabric of his jacket.

The news of your pregnancy still sits heavily on the forefront of your mind. You'll tell him when he comes home.

When he comes home.

"Joel?"

The way he looks at you in that final moment will be burned into your mind forever. Joel Miller has never looked at anyone quite like that. There's something that lingers there, something you will never quite be able to comprehend because it is something he keeps hidden and reserved for only himself.

"Yeah, sunshine." He murmurs softly.

You run a tender thumb along the apple of his cheek as you stand on your tiptoes and whisper, "I love you. Come home." in his ear before he turns his head to do the same to you. Your cheeks darken as Joel cups your face in his hands to kiss your forehead.

And then he's gone, like he was never really there.

His ghost will always linger inside of those gates.

***

You wait. You wait, and you wait, and he doesn't come.

You wait for news. For someone to appear at your door to break the news to you that the father of your children will not be coming home.

The news comes from Ellie's return after the snowstorm. Ellie, who's coming through the main gates of Jackson with Dina, Jesse, and Tommy who sits in the tailgate of the truck with his forehead pressed to the top of a bloody tarp. Just the sight of Tommy alone has fear curling through your blood stream because he is wrecked.

Ellie is sobbing. Gut wrenching sobs that have her doubled over at the waist as Dina helps her out of the car, desperation and a quiet cry for help evident in her aspect as you slowly stumble outside and down the stairs.

Trembling fingers pull away the tarp and reveal your husbands bloody remains. Jesse's quiet retelling of the story plays like static in your ears as you stare at the remains of that once gentle face that's now unrecognizable. Golf club. Vendetta. Captured Tommy and Joel. Beat him to death.

Your breathing comes in frantic and short gasps as you scream, piercing and raw, loudly enough to carry across the entire town and alert them to the newly widowed woman who stands on the Miller property.

He hadn't even known he was going to be a father.

And now he never would.

***

Ellie comes back from searching for her. Abby. According to Dina, the girl who killed your husband isn't dead.

But she's the reason why you give birth alone. Ellie isn't there. The only person there is you and Maria.

Joel's ghost lingers. But he's still very, very gone.

***

When Tommy says he's going to visit your sister's quaint house in the fields with her wife and baby, you demand to tag along and ask Maria to tend to the girls while you do. It's been nine months. Nine agonizing months that have been spent alone in your misery while you quietly mourn your husband.

Too many people had been afraid of Joel. He hadn't let enough people know him. That was why it was just you and Tommy at his graveside the night you buried him. That's why it's just your tears that water the soil there atop it.

Joel Miller

Beloved father and friend

You were furious with her for not finishing the job. For someone who so easily fell into patterns of violence - violence had never bothered her, Ellie had always been slightly fascinated by the darkness of it - it was infuriating to find out that she'd just let Joel's killer walk.

Sitting outside the house on your horse, you absently fiddle with the rings that lay heavily on your neck.

Ellie freezes at the sight of you. It's the first time you've laid eyes on each other in nine months. She hasn't met her nieces. You haven't met her baby either. It's quite strange, sitting here in front of family and feeling like complete strangers.

"She won't go find her, Sunshine. She won't finish the f-"

You hold your hand up to halt Tommy's angry rambling as he slings himself onto the top of his own horse. "Ellie is an adult who makes her own decisions," You say calmly, and the fact that there is not an ounce of emotion in your tone shakes Ellie to her core. "Even if they're bad ones."

"Sunshine-" Ellie interjects.

Ice flickers through your gaze as you remove a photo from the inner pocket of your coat. It flutters on the wind and settles at her feet.

"When you find her," You say. "You tell her what she took from me, and you make her pay for it."

That's all you leave her with. Ellie is left helpless to do anything but watch as you ride away, so different from the sister she knew, back in the direction of Jackson where your daughters wait for their mother to come home.

She stares at the photo of her nieces so long her eyes start to burn. The bottom reads Charlie and Eliza, nine months and they're playing together on the floor in front of the window while the sun shines down around them.

They're the spitting image of you and Joel. Joel, who is not here any more, because he's dead.

She takes the photo just quickly enough to then turn and vomit into the grass.

****

Abby sees it that night on the beach. A photo. A photo of Joel Miller's daughters, barely a year old, growing up in a world without their father.

She leaves it there.

But she doesn't forget.

****

But it's not real

And you don't exist

And I can't recall the last time I was kissed

They're five the first time they ask about him. Charlie found the guitar, your guitar, propped in the corner of the room against the photo you've kept face down since the year he died.

Until recently. Now your wedding photo stands proud on the sill, right next to the guitar that was last played by Joel.

"Mama?"

"Yes, baby."

They look so much like the both of you. Charlie is practically Joel's clone in personality where Eliza is your gentle spirit who prefers to use her words rather than her hands to make peace.

You haven't realized how much they resemble their mother and father until right now.

And it makes it hurt that much more.

It hits me in the car

Eliza frowns - which is exactly identical to Joel's frowns, and the sight of it makes your heart ache that much more - as she approaches you both on the sofa beside her sister. "Who's this?" She murmurs, running her little fingers across her father's face.

And it feels like the end of a movie I've seen before

"That, little hellions," Ellie calls as she enters the living room with a bowl of popcorn propped on her hip. "Is your Daddy." Charlie and Eliza flock to their aunts legs to linger there as she walks deeper into the room and takes the photo from their hands.

You're careful to watch as she runs her thumb over Joel's face. Once, twice, three times.

Maybe she had loved him more than you realized.

"Let me tell you about him."

#Joel Miller #Joel Miller x Reader #Joel x Reader #The Last of Us

[floareadeaur]

Hi! I'm a casual OnS fan so I got lost in the last few chapters... When is it mentioned that Crowley is the reincarnation of Ferid's brother?

Hello!

Chapter 134, titled "Reincarnation Rondo" which features in the first half the last discussion between Ferid and his older brother before the latter is killed and in the second, the discussion between Ferid and Crowley in the present, which ends with the death of Crowley, reveals this fact.

Basically, that flashback represents Ferid's memories. This is his face after the flashback ends.

This is his face when Ferid was thinking about those memories. He then asks Crowley how long they have known each other.

Ferid's questions are encrypted, but if you read, all the little lines like "I feel like we've been through a lot together", or that they have known each other for a thousand years (when in reality it is 800 years with this reincarnation as Crowley, who was a 13th century crusader ) clearly confirms that Crowley is the reincarnation of his brother.

In particular, you can notice a similarity between the panels portraying the killing of Crowley in his old life and in the present one. The difference is that now Crowley is at peace with the situation.

These two scenes literally mirror each other.

Also, if you re-read the novels covering Crowley's past, "The Story of the Vampire Michaela", you will come across some sequences that clearly indicate this.

Like, when Crowley the human reproaches Ferid that they have only known each other for a day (that was the reality), Ferid smiles sadly, really sadly. And the author emphasizes three times that those words of Crowley hurt Ferid.

Now the reality was that they had effectively known each other for just a day. And throughout the novel, Ferid laughs and grins like a devil. That comment about his genuine sadness at the idea that Crowley calls him a "stranger" and that they have only known each other for a day is very important. Basically, for Ferid, Crowley is not a stranger then, but the reincarnated soul of his brother.

I explained this in this analysis with quotes from the novels that you can also read:

• Here

Especially, in the flashback in chapter 134, Ferid, after killing his brother, looks to the sky, talking to his brother's soul and says:

" I hope you haven't gotten reborn yet. "

Then, in Crowley's past as a human, there is this passage in the novels:

“Say, Ferid-kun.”

“What is it, Crowley-kun?”

"Tell me since when did you target me?"

Ferid answered with surprising ease while being helped to put on the coat by the servant, "Since a little more than 150 years prior, I believe."

That was long before Crowley was even born into this world. Not even his parents were born at the time. It was the time when his great-grandparents were only children themselves. In other words, he had been marked by such a monster long before he was even brought into this world.

" Good grief, liked me for the face of my foot. I wasn't even born at the time."

Haha. I had fun imagining what kind of face my sibling would have."

Basically, Ferid directly tells Crowley that he waited 150 years for his birth and always imagined what face his sibling would have.

And if you watch their interaction closely, there is a huge similarity to that of Ferid and that brother in that flashback.

Basically everything gave spoilers for this information.

And beyond all that, Crowley and his old reincarnation are so similar. They have almost the same face, the physique is identical, some personality mannerisms and only the hair color differs.

Just look:

Finally, I attach here all my analysis on this topic.

1. One

2. Two

3. Three

4. Four

5. Five

6. Six

I hope my answer was useful and sorry if what I wrote is chaotic!

You can always come back with questions!

Thank you for your interest in my opinion and I wish you a good day/evening!

#ferid bathory #crowley eusford #owari no seraph #seraph of the end #ons #sote #owari no seraph chapter 134 #seraph of the end chapter 134 #ferid bathory chapter 134 #ferid bathory character analysis

[overshelter]

REVIEW: Married Thrice to Salted Fish

WARNING: It's full of SPOILERS, so CAUTION!

Well, about this one...

IT'S TOO CUTE, MY GOD! I REALLY CAN'T STAND IT!

Seriously! Despite how labored, painful and even harrowing the plot may be, MTSF is definitely a novel with a very, very cute and sweet plot!

This story is truly about love, development and how a relationship should be. The way Jiang Xing and Lin Qingyu fell in love little by little, and then got into a relationship, was definitely a sight for sore eyes, a pure delight for anyone reading! The author managed to write in such a sincere and natural way. You can clearly see the love growing between them with each reincarnation of Jiang Xing and you're able to fall in love with each interaction, as well as being fascinated by the changes in the way they treat each other with each one. I still can't get over the way they flirt! It's so sweet, funny and definitely daring that you can't help but smile with every paragraph of narration. I really love the way this author has developed them. I think I rarely come across novels where the relationship is written in a way that gives you that sense of reality, where you can feel that the couple are truly and intensely in love. And what's worse? It's not even toxic or intensely bad! It's just right!

I also love, ABSOLUTELY LOVE, Jiang Xing and his salted fish dream! I can totally relate! Too bad I'm a mere mortal and can't really reach the brain of our favorite slacker. I really wish I could, though... but even though I can't, I like having the privilege of reveling in the fact that he's still going to have to "work hard" for his Baobei for a long, long time! Anyway. Jiang Xing is also a beautifully developed character, with a captivating personality and way of thinking that easily draws anyone in. I completely understand Qingyu and why he is so enamored of this "mere student", even more so with how proficient this student is at appeasing and pampering our great beauty.

Apart from our Jiang, I obviously love Lin Qingyu, our cold and poisonous beauty, who could easily end your life with a single comment. Petty? Who cares! It's his great charm! After all, just like Jiang Xing, I can't help but get excited and anxious to see such a beautiful person poison his offenders to death and stomp on them. Honestly? If I were them, I'd even be grateful. After all, it's not every day that someone so beautiful and so prestigious is willing to pay attention to you, even if it's just to throw you in a grave. But anyway. Our beauty is not only cold, it's also unbearably cute and sweet. Of course, that's just for student Jiang and, later, a little bit for their adopted son, Shen Huaishi – another one I totally wanted to hold and spoil in every possible way! –.

Another point here is the narrative. It flows very well, and the writing doesn't leave you alone until you've consumed every chapter! I'm being honest! I finished one hundred and forty-seven of them in two or three days! I couldn't stop unless I finished it in one go and, if it hadn't been for the fact that I had obligations and had started reading in the middle of the week, I would definitely have finished it in one day after spending the night obsessively and psychotically involved with the story of these two. So believe me when I say that this is a poisonous novel that won't let you go until you have no more content left!

Well, I don't want to say too much because, even though I've already given away a HUGE spoiler just by mentioning "Jiang Xing", I still really want to preserve some things and experience before you read on. So I'm not going to say anything other than that this novel should be a must-read and high on your priority list. Especially if you're looking for a couple with real development, a compelling dynamic and a great story to tell.

In short...

READ IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! I'M BEGGING YOU!!!

#novel #danmei #novel recommendation #novel review #book review #books & libraries #books #yaoi bl #yaoi #gay #gay men #gay couple #lgbtqia #married thrice to salted fish #lin qingyu

[thirdtimed]

👁👁 what's orv im intrigued <- fruityghast (sideblog)

smiles at you so serenely. i'm unimaginably delighted to have been asked and on a completely unrelated interest sideblog nonetheless LOL thank you for indulging me!!

--- --- ---

so, what is orv?

omniscient reader's viewpoint, in it's most functional definition, is a behemoth of a korean web novel spanning well over 500 chapters. this admittedly makes it a little difficult to describe in full scope. if you'd like a more detailed post explaining it & its main appeal i recommend ot3's post!

but here's my attempt at a shortened summary for you:

orv is about a down on his luck office worker, kim dokja, who indulges in web novels as the only means of escape from his brutally mundane daily life. his utmost favorite web novel is a long winded, complicated, and incredibly boring story that no one else has the time or patience to read, leaving him as its sole reader. despite this, the novel has continued to update for the past 13 years, even if seemingly only for him. one day, after more than a decade of single-handedly reading and supporting this story, the author gives out a notice they'll be concluding the series at long last. but before dokja can read its last chapter, the world shifts and changes, and the novel itself comes to life a la reverse isekai. the world has become the novel. and as its sole reader, dokja has now become one of the only people to know the world's future. he spends the rest of the story trying to guide the ensuing chain of events in a more favorable direction than the one he read-- all so he can finally reach the end, that final chapter that he never got to finish.

i think at its heart orv can be best surmised through its main refrain: "this story is for that one reader." it's an action packed shounen fantasy death game adventure story BEHEMOTH; but at its heart lies one of the most sincere love letters to the art of storytelling i've had the chance to read. it loves cliches and cheesy tropes and mary sues and everything else we're told is "bad" about fiction unabashedly, because it loves you, the reader, for taking the time to read it regardless.

i talk about it within the context of life series watcher lore mostly because they share metanarrative elements and because i as a person am kind of always ambiently musing about orv, but otherwise they are two very different media. I'm really happy to have gotten the chance to ramble about this though!

if you read all of this first of all 1) thank you so so so much and 2) PLEASE FORGET EVERYTHING I SAID IN MY PREVIOUS POST THAT WAS ALL MAJOR SPOILERS>. MAJOR MAJOR SPOILERS LOL. LMAO EVEN.

--- --- ---

okay, so how do i read it?

if youre still interested, i tentatively recommend starting with the webtoon adaptation before jumpping into the web novel. i personally found the english translation of the web novel clunky and hard to read at first, and thus neglected to finish orv for the longest time. that is, of course, until i reread the webtoon and got left on a cliffhanger so bad that i finished all 551 novel chapters within the span of a week.

there's problems with the webtoon adaptation of course, but i think its translation is slightly more accessible & its visuals make it an easier read than diving headfirst into a novel. but do consider making the jump to the novel earlier than later though, it's an incredibly gratifying read if you do make it all the way to the end.

okay im done thank you for this ask!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! explodes into a million particles

#apologies for the read more i really did try to keep it brief. did not succeed. opened up a can of worms there #hopefully i'll get to play more in depth my orv x life series thoughts #i really really really want to draw dkos watcher grian....

[terramythos]

TAYLOR READS 2023: SYSTEM COLLAPSE BY MARTHA WELLS

Title: System Collapse (The Murderbot Diaries #7) (2023)

Author: Martha Wells

Genre/Tags: Science Fiction, First Person, Agender Protagonist

Rating: 9/10

Date Began: 11/19/2023

Date Finished: 12/31/2023

In the aftermath of the alien contamination incident of the Adamantite colony, Murderbot and its humans face a new challenge. Barish-Estranza, a major corporation, seeks to claim the planet and its inhabitants as salvage, which would doom the colonists to contract slavery. To save them from this fate, the non-corporate humans must find a way to convince the colonists to trust them and reject Barish-Estranza’s offer.

But after a nervous breakdown, Murderbot has problems of its own. Unable to trust its own judgment, Murderbot must come to terms with its distressingly human response to the traumatic events of Network Effect— all while keeping its humans from accidentally killing themselves in the cutthroat political climate Barish-Estranza brings to the Adamantite colony.

“On the team feed, Ratthi asked, Can we come down and help you, SecUnit? No, I told him. He hadn’t asked me what I was doing, probably because he was afraid I didn’t know. Which, valid, but this time I actually did know. I continued around the edge, because if I was right, the first one would be directly attached to the pad. If it wasn’t here, I was going to look incredibly fucking stupid and the humans were going to assume because of redacted I— Oh, here it is.”

For live reading notes, check the reblogs (contains unmarked spoilers).

Content warnings and review (spoiler-free and spoiler versions) under the cut.

Content Warnings: Mentioned -- Murder, torture, sexual slavery. Depicted -- Slavery, PTSD, self-hatred, emotional manipulation, dehumanization, violence, gore (kinda), death (implied)

**SPOILER-FREE REVIEW**

This section is spoiler free for System Collapse, but not The Murderbot Diaries as a whole, so please keep that in mind!

I've consistently enjoyed The Murderbot Diaries throughout its run. The strikingly relatable narration Murderbot supplies makes the books approachable and entertaining to read, despite often delving into disturbing and dark subject matter like slavery, depression, and anxiety. The book chronologically preceding this one, Network Effect, is one of my favorite novels of all time. While System Collapse doesn't reach those heights (and it doesn't need to), it's yet another story following Murderbot's adventures and struggles with personhood, so I predictably liked it.

System Collapse occupies a more transitional space than previous entries. We end the novel in much the same place as in Network Effect, literally and metaphorically. Murderbot makes the same decision it does at the end of Network Effect; to leave its Preservation humans and travel with ART and its crew instead. I question whether System Collapse was originally planned when Network Effect was written; as a story, it feels tacked onto that entry. It's just more of that book-- a continuation of some loose threads from it.

However, this isn't a criticism, at least not yet, because despite feeling similar to Network Effect, System Collapse introduces critical character development in order for the next arc, which I imagine will focus more on ART and the University, to succeed. I'll get into more detail about that in the spoiler section, but I have no problem with a break from the extreme high stakes tension of Network Effect to spend time developing various characters, including Murderbot itself, especially going into the next story arc.

**SPOILER REVIEW**

By far System Collapse's greatest strength is how it addresses Murderbot's trauma post-Network Effect. If I'm right and this entry wasn't originally planned, I'm glad Martha Wells decided to write it anyway, because leaving the long term effects of what Murderbot went through in the air and unaddressed would be a disservice to Murderbot as a character and readers who have undergone similarly traumatic experiences.

In particular, Murderbot experiences a realistic depiction of PTSD, something it's disturbed by and ashamed about. System Collapse can often be a brutal read because Murderbot is so hard on itself, seeing itself as an incompetent failure for having a reasonable reaction to trauma. It hearkens back to earlier points in the series where Murderbot didn't really see itself as a person, something that has gradually changed over time. But one thing that sticks out to me is a heavier thematic focus on Murderbot's humanity.

Murderbot itself is a construct-- a combination of machinery and cloned human material. We know it has a human face, human neural tissue, and some organic body parts, but the series to this point has focused on Murderbot's PERSONHOOD rather than its HUMANITY, which are separate things in this series. Murderbot itself doesn't identify as human, usually avoiding the association and approaching the world as a machine would. So after Murderbot suffers its PTSD episode, when ART says “this affects the part of you that is human," and Murderbot doesn’t outright deny that assertion, it's VERY striking to a long time reader. Murderbot's human aspects have to this point been depicted as a nuisance, something Murderbot feels neutral about at best and dislikes at worst.

System Collapse makes a direct connection between a fundamental aspect of Murderbot's character and this idea of humanity. It's something that seems obvious in retrospect but as far as I know is the first time the narrative directly addresses it. Murderbot LOVES the TV show The Rise and Fall of Sanctuary Moon. As an autistic-coded character, Murderbot's primary special interest IS Sanctuary Moon (and the concept of human media as a whole). It watches favorite episodes of this space soap opera to comfort itself when it feels stressed or overwhelmed. One reason Murderbot cites for not hating humans despite what they've done to it, even before meeting humans it likes, is their ability to create media.

Yet when we meet ART in the second book, a space ship bot with greater than human intelligence, it doesn't understand the emotional aspect of media at all. It needs to watch TV shows by seeing the reactions of others to get full context. One of the ways ART and Murderbot initially bond is through watching shows together like this. Murderbot cites "human neural tissue" as a requirement for fully understanding media. Yet here in System Collapse that same neural tissue causes major problems for Murderbot— the trauma response.

One connection System Collapse makes to Sanctuary Moon and why it's so important to Murderbot is that, after hacking its governor module pre-series, Murderbot used Sanctuary Moon to heal and rewire its brain. Murderbot has always had some human aspect to it, whether it likes to acknowledge this or not. And one of the things most precious to it is something it would not be able to fully understand or appreciate otherwise. So Murderbot has to grapple with both positive and negative aspects to, as ART identifies (correctly, I feel), its humanity. I was hesitant about this framing at first, as the series to this point has avoided addressing this so directly. But on reflection I REALLY like it, and am interested to see how the next entry expands upon this.

Beyond Murderbot itself we do get development of some newer characters. Iris, ART’s favorite human, made an appearance in the last book, but gets a lot more screen time in System Collapse. We get a sense of her self doubt, but willingness to do what is right in the face of danger. Another character I really enjoy is Tarik. I honestly can't remember if he made more than a passing appearance in Network Effect. But System Collapse develops him as a human foil to Murderbot; he was part of a corporate death squad and broke free, has trauma associated with that, is the newest member of ART'S crew, and is quietly a badass as like, a background detail, which is pretty funny. With the book's greater focus on humanity and how it relates to Murderbot, I think a character like this has a lot of potential and I'm excited to see where that goes.

Slavery and self-determination are core themes of the series, and we continue with that trend in System Collapse. Barish-Estranza are the primary antagonists and seek to enslave the surviving colonists of Admantine in everything but name, and the conflict focuses on finding a way to convince said colonists to establish themselves as an independent entity to escape that fate. While I don't think it's the most poignant exploration of these ideas in the series, it is nice to see the consistency of The Murderbot Diaries' anti-slavery message and the variety of ways it's explored throughout.

Another overarching plot thread gets expanded upon in this entry-- that of free constructs besides Murderbot. Murderbot encounters a "ComfortUnit" (a cutesy name for a sex slave) earlier in the series and frees it, and we still don't know where it went or what it has done since then. In Network Effect Murderbot frees another SecUnit which it calls "Three", who is a minor character in this entry. During the story of System Collapse Murderbot frees two other SecUnits owned by Barish-Estranza, one of whom helps them during the climax. It's implied this Unit will do what Murderbot initially did and pretend it's still under the governor module's control while continuing to do its job.

So my question is, when does this part of the story all come together? The slavery of constructs is arguably THE conflict of the series. Murderbot has given various constructs the means to disable their governor modules and free themselves throughout the series. Presumably this could cause a chain reaction over time as other constructs free each other. Is this the endgame of the series? I don't know, but I'm excited to find out.

**CONCLUSION**

As always I greatly enjoyed System Collapse and highly recommend the entirety of The Murderbot Diaries. It's one of my favorite series ever and if you haven't read them yet… DO IT! I would not consider System Collapse the best entry in the series (it's hard to beat Network Effect) but it provides compelling character development and food for thought regarding the next story arc of the series.

#taylor reads #book review #9/10 #ok putting this as a book i read in 2023 felt weird but. like it's technically true.

[dg-outlaw]

Hello, fellow Jaysteph fan! It's nice to meet more people who ship this pairing. What are your favorite things about this ship that drew you to it? For me, it was a combination of their canon interactions and just how much they have in common as people. This pairing has a lot of potential and I wish that the canon would explore their relationship more.

To be honest, I sort of stumbled into the JaySteph ship/fandom, but I'm thoroughly enjoying it and the interactions with other fans and creators in the ship.

My journey initially started when I went looking for some Red Hood fanfics, wanting something a bit meatier than just a comic or graphic novel. I enjoy comics, but also wish there were more novelizations of superhero stories. I think this is where fanfic comes in as that's what people tend to do in their stories--dig deeper and spend more time with characters outside of a few internal thought bubbles. While most fanfics I see are romance-centric, slice-of-life, or NSFW (which I don't mind), I also wanted content that felt more like a comic in long-form. I was also in a writing mood, having just finished a re-write project for someone else which had really helped boost my confidence in writing. The story was something I'd never write myself, but it was consistent and I proved to myself I could do it. (I also suffer from a need for external pressure/motivation to get things done). Naturally, writing fanfic seemed like a fun way to keep that momentum and play in a fun sandbox without a bunch of character and worldbuilding.

(^ Me, needing external motivation to get things done. Also, Bruce to Jason. "But your honor, I love my son.")

Then I found the @jaystephevents page and saw there was an upcoming writing event JaySteph Weekend 2023. From there I fell down the rabbit hole of learning about and reading JaySteph stories. The last ship I saw with Jason was him and Artemis from the Outlaws, and while I enjoyed that ship, it ended in canon so I was open to a new ship for Jason.

As far as Jason and Steph go, as probably obvious from the above (and my tumblr), I've been a Jason/Red Hood fan for a long time, but didn't have a lot of knowledge about Steph. I knew she was Spoiler had been Batgirl and then Spoiler and then Batgirl again (thanks to reboots and such), but my canon knowledge was limited--including learning about her "death" and stint as Robin. Despite wanting to jump in and start writing I instead went back and read some stories with Steph and the few that had Jason and Steph in the same story as I wanted to get to know them better, and understand what their dynamic could be.

I then read a lot of JaySteph fanfics as I wanted to see what others saw in their potential relationship as well--not so much to influence my stories, but to inspire. But yes, their similar upbringings, histories, personalities, and tendency of getting pushed aside or undermined as worthy of being a part of the group did inspire me to embrace the ship. I see them as kindred spirits who could either be great together or a hot mess... or both.

I will also note that one of the first JaySteph fics that really wowed me and inspired me to explore all the different emotions and mixing in of canon in my stories was @pioneertothefalls' series True Love Waits. I was still plotting, researching, and writing my first JaySteph story while reading other shorter stories in the ship, but that series was my go-to read starting out last year. There are so many great authors and stories in the ship (so I won't name them for fear of leaving someone out), but that one really resonated with me and had me sold on JaySteph. It's got action, romance, humor, drama, slice of life, canon tie-ins, spicy stuff, and everything in-between. IMO, it set the bar for me and I was like, "okay, don't write crap." Not that I would try to write crap (and hopefully I haven't), but it did help motivate me to really invest in what I was writing.

Also, Jason and Steph are confident badasses who tend to jump head first into things, but they also secretly hide away their insecurities or sometimes hesitate. And their insecurities are ones that only those closest to them are allowed to see, and even then just a bit. They've been hurt in so many ways and all they want to do is be loved and love others like crazy. They have hope and perseverance despite the odds and naysayers. They don't always believe that they deserve to be heroes, but they still do it nonetheless despite their past mistakes and crimes. I'd say Steph is more emotionally mature in these areas because she's had more people around her to support her, but there's fear in both of them. In this, there's lots of things I can relate to personally from my own childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood, apart from not being an adopted orphan, vigilante, or having a criminal or billionaire father, but... Potato-Tomato. :P

I also have thoughts on all the BS complaints I see from some people (mostly on Reddit) about "ince$t" and Steph being "passed around the Batboys" when it comes to the JaySteph ship, but this is already a long post so I'll save that rant for now.

All in all, this is a really fun ship and I enjoy the community and people around it. There's also a JaySteph Discord (18+) for anyone interested. More info @jaysteph-server.

Thanks for the Ask @imaginationcenter! :)

#dc comics #jason todd #red hood #stephanie brown #stephanie brown spoiler #batgirl stephanie brown #jaysteph #my first question and answer! #long post

[lordisitmine]

TTNBD BLOG: PART ONE

I'm doing something different with this story. I always have much to say in the notes of my fanfiction and I'm usually bursting to talk about behind the scenes/commentary stuff, so I've decided to do blog posts to correspond with the updates of this story. I don't know if I'll do one for every single chapter, some of them may be grouped, but I hope people will find them interesting just the same! This post is to cover the first update, that being the prologue and the first chapter. Obviously, spoilers for those if you haven't read them yet.

INTRODUCTION

My writing process for a fic usually starts with the nagging vision of a single scene. It might be an ending, a beginning or a middle, but if it burns in my mind long enough that I have to write it down, that usually means that it will continue to stick around until I've done something about it.

Such was the case with To the End of Everything. In the late summer of 2014 (August I believe), I was on the bus, going to work, day dreaming (I can't read or watch videos in a moving vehicle, I'm very prone to motion sickness). I had recently been re-reading the first few arcs of the Kuroshitsuji manga and had finally gotten around to season two of the anime. Seeing Ciel as a demon gave me about six hundred thousand emotions, and so it was on my mind at the time.

Suddenly, a scene started to play out in my brain, and it was genuinely like watching a movie. I could see it all clear as day. It was Sebastian and Ciel, both demons, in twenty-first century London, standing at the grave of Ciel himself, on Ciel's one-hundredth-and-something birthday. Sebastian was holding a giant bouquet of roses and Ciel was rolling his eyes and pretending not to be totally charmed by the gesture.

This, of course, is the epilogue of TTEOE. That one scene dug its claws into me so completely that I spent the next four years writing an entire novel to explain how it was that the two of them ended up in that situation in the first place.

Fast-forward to the fall of 2018. It's almost Halloween, and I'm finally, finally, putting the finishing touches on the final chapter of TTEOE. Ciel and Sebastian are standing in the ruins of Phantomhive manor, which has been destroyed (again). The man who killed Ciel's parents has been defeated. The great evil has been vanquished. The contract between Ciel and Sebastian has come to fruition, but instead of Sebastian consuming Ciel's soul, he has transformed it. Ciel has been transformed into a demon, and he and Sebastian are even more irrevocably bonded than they already were (more on that later).

There were, however, still a few loose ends. No ending is ever truly clean, not in real life. And sure, this was fiction, but I like to leave room for my readers to imagine what might happen next for themselves, and also give myself a little bit of breathing room as an author, in case I ever do decide to write a sequel. But when I wrote the lines about Sir Arthur's followers still being out there, I didn't have any concrete plans to do anything about it.

Until about ten months later.

August, 2019. What is it with me and August? Well, whatever it was, it got me again. The same cemetery, the same grave. Only this time, it wasn't the twenty-first century. Ciel's death was still fairly recent in the grand scheme of things. And instead of Ciel standing in front of his own tombstone on his own birthday, it was Lizzy, bundled up in the cold, carrying out her grieving ritual, even still, visiting Ciel in order to wish him a happy birthday and to tell him she hoped he was in a better place.

And then an immediate hard cut to Ciel and Sebastian in Paris having wild sex. Here, let me quote my own outline document, which is the first thing I write for any fic, the place where I messily scribble down everything I want to happen in order to then break it down into scenes and fully write it later. I wrote this back in 2019.

"Lizzy visits Ciel’s grave. She tells him about her latest life update, how med school is going, how her friend Sybil has invited her to go to Paris for the holiday, and how excited she is that her parents said yes, on the condition that she take the servants with her to keep her safe. They've become super extra protective ever since the business of Ciel’s death and all that. Lizzy seems to be doing better, as the last time she visited Ciel’s grave was months ago, and we are led to believe she used to come here all the time. She ends the visit by telling Ciel that she might not be back for some time, and that she truly hopes he’s in a better place.

Cut to Ciel, who is indeed in a much better place- namely Paris, in some ridiculously lavish bed in a ridiculously lavish apartment, getting his ass eaten and his back blown out. It’s his birthday after all, and Sebastian won’t let him forget it, even if Ciel thinks birthdays are a foolish thing for demons to celebrate. It’s also their anniversary though, of the day they made the Bond, and Ciel doesn’t mind celebrating that one so much."

So, yes. I've been sitting on this sequel for some time.

The problem this time, unlike with TTEOE, was that I had no idea what to do with these two scenes. They were obviously the beginning of something, but the beginning of what, I had no idea. With TTEOE, I had elements from canon to draw upon, and an obvious goal- tell the story of how Ciel got his revenge and became a demon.

But here, any conclusion I might have was more vague. The cult was still out there, so maybe something happens that brings Ciel and Sebastian back to London? But to what end? Ciel is supposed to be dead, so it's not like he can just re-enter his old life.

I knew for sure I wanted the story to focus on Lizzy as well, to give her a narrative arc of her own, and maybe a romance (a sapphic one, obviously, because that's how we do things in my house). Would she know Ciel was still alive? Would she be a victim? And who would be the villain? Who had taken over in Sir Arthur's stead, and what was their even worse, even bigger plan that the gang would have to foil?

Obviously, I now have answers to all of these questions. But of course, those answers are for me to know, and for you to find out.

So, over the course of the last few years, I've been coming back to this story, adding random pieces in by bursts of inspiration, building a Frankenstein's monster of sorts. Trying to create life. And then a year ago in December of 2022, I decided I was ready to flip the switch, summon the lightning, and actually sit down and write this son of a bitch.

I really did intend to have it done a lot sooner than this. I was, in retrospect, a bit premature in announcing my intentions. However, one of an author's biggest motivations is their audience, so I think it was good that I knew people were waiting for me to do it, even if it did cause me to stress myself out more than a few times. But that;s completely on me, not on you, the reader.

I won't get too much into my personal life, but a number of things happened this that contributed to creative drought and periods of business that prevented me from writing. But I had encouragement from you guys, and I'll always be grateful for that, because it got us all here!

PROLOGUE: COUP DE FOUDRE

TTEOE had an epilogue; TTNBD has a prologue. There are several through-lines in this story (and oh boy has that been a BITCH to plot out, I hope it will be worth it) and a couple of those through-lines start years and years before the rest of the story, so I sectioned them off like this. Also, having a prologue makes me feel a little fancy.

Original characters are a touchy subject in fanficiton for some people. I personally don't read a lot of fic with OCs, which is wild because I'm currently writing one. But whenn they're executed well, some of the best fics I've read have had OCs play a major role. Of course, self-insert OCs are their own sub-genre, but that's not what is happening here. There were holes in the story I wanted to tell that needed characters to fill them, and none of the existing characters could reasonably be stretched to fill those holes. So original characters it was!

There are three original characters in this story; Sybil, who plays the most major role, who you met as a baby in this chapter and who you'll see as an adult in the next one. Then there's her father Simeon, who you've met as well, and another character who I won't mention by name yet because they're going to be introduced in next week's instalment! Both Simeon and this other person play lesser parts in the story, but they're important. I will be doing drawings of them this week, so you'll get to see what I picture them like alongside their descriptions.

EDIT: December 19/2023. I realised a couple more things I forgot to mention when I was chatting with my translaor van_Dort, for whose work I could not be more grateful! Simeon's name comes from the Bible, specifically the Simeon spoken about in the New Testament book of Luke, in Chapter 2, during the story of the birth of Jesus.

In Luke CH.2, Simeon was an old man living in Jerusalem at the time of Jesus's birth; he had been told by the Holy Spirit that he would not die until he saw the Messiah. When Jesus was brought as a baby to the Temple in Jerusalem to be blessed, Simeon got to hold him, thus fulfilling his life's purpose.

The parallels between this Simeon and mine aren't meant to be super direct, but in TTNBD, Simeon's purpose was to father Sybil, and in holding her when she's born, he sees that purpose fulfilled. Also, as Van_Dort said, having a demon with a biblical name is just pretty cheeky and fun :>

Alois and Claude are here too! Season two of the anime is so juicy, with so many good elements to it, I just couldn't resist bringing these characters out to play. I can't wait to get into Alois's absolutely busted head and his wicked toxic dynamic with Claude. I feel like their relationship is a great foil for Ciel and Sebastian's, especially in this fic with the tone I'm going to take. I'm excited for you to see my representation of some of the events of the anime's second season.

CHAPTER ONE: A FAR, FAR BETTER REST

Ten or more years ago, when I was very, very involved in this fandom, much more than I am now (I'm like, here lurking but I wouldn't call myself active) I came across a piece of fanart of an older Ciel and Sebastian, and Ciel had this long hair, and it was so beautiful, and it changed my brain chemistry forever. I've never forgotten it, but I've also never been able to find it again, much to my chagrin. Maybe I'll try to recreate it now that I have the will and the skill to do so.

NEVERMIND! I just took a break from writing this to go search for it one more time and I actually found it! This is a repost on DeviantArt, The notes on the post say it was taken from 4chan but I can't seem to find the original source which sucks but I found it! I've been thinking about this picture for years!

So yes, this specific picture is 99% of the reason why Ciel has long hair in TTNBD. If anyone by some miracle knows the original source, please do share. That and growing out one's hair is symbolic of starting over or time passing or whatever thing you learned in your high school language studies/literature class. Also I think it looks pretty. This is exactly how I imagine him, I've been trying to capture this hairstyle in my drawings, I need to tweak his bangs a little I think.

Also, kudos to those of you who noticed that Ciel's fake name- Gespenst- is German for phantom! I couldn't resist the fun little reference, both to the name Phantomhive and to the fact that Ciel, for all intents and purposes, is a dead man. Also it sounds cool! Bonus!

ANYHOW, onto other stuff. Namely, let's talk about the telepathy thing.

My guilty pleasure is those middling to badly written romance fantasy novels where a nineteen or twenty year old girl gets taken away into a fae realm and falls in love with some hot strapped fae prince or whatever and then finds out that he's her Mate *gasp* and they're *bonded*. If you're reading this and thinking about A Court of Thorns and Roses, then you're thinking of the exact series I was obsessed with when I was writing the end of TTEOE.

In ACOTAR, Feyre and Rhysand have a mating bond that includes a telepathic link. I already knew I wanted the ritual that turned Ciel into a demon to form a tangible bond of some kind between him and Sebastian, and I was reading those books at the time and it just struck me upside the head. Mating bond! Duh! It plays perfectly with the possessiveness that's already inherent in their relationship and the fact that they're supernatural beings with supernatural abilities- and I also happen think it's pretty ~hot~ oop.

To be fair, it's not just ACOTAR's fault: I've been big into Star Trek since I was a teenager and if you know what T'hy'la means and the absolutely legendary fandom mythology that surrounds it, you know where all of my obsession with mates and bonds and stuff really comes from.

I hope I've done a good job of laying out sort of how it works between Ciel and Sebastian, but just to be clear- I don't see it as being like, the ability to read/hear every single one of each other's thoughts. it's more like a link that they can use to sort of "speak" directly to each other, or if one of them is thinking about something very intensely, they can pick up on it.

To me, the vibe of these two has always been "power couple in a crowded room at a party, having a silent conversation with their eyes about how they're better and prettier than everyone else here" and I guess I wanted to make that a reality.

Also it's a great trick to be able to use during sex scenes.

Which brings me to my next point: as you will see, there are a lot more sex scenes in this fic than there were in TTEOE! And they're a lot more... how do I put this... graphic? That's Partially because Ciel and Sebastian's relationship is established, and they're demons, so they're just horny most of the time- and partially because it's been so many years since I wrote TTEOE! I'm just more comfortable with this stuff now and I know my way around it better from a writing perspective.

I wasn't even twenty years old yet in 2014 and now I'm staring down the barrel at thirty, so I've just grown up a lot and developed more as a person, as well as a writer. I feel like I've gotten better at writing in a lot of ways and one of those is definitely my ability to write porn. Not to brag or anything. I know it's a weird skill to be proud of, but in fandom it's a skill that's kind of worth its weight in gold.

Speaking of writing improvement, the honest-to-God biggest challenge for me this time around has been matching the cadence and tone of the writing in TTEOE. Having taken such a long break, and my writing voice having shifted like it has, I have to be deliberate about keeping it all coherent. I hope I'm doing an okay job.

Last but not least, Abberline's back! It's everyone's (my) favourite oblivious detective! I love outsider POVs and so I had a hoot and a half writing him in TTEOE, so of course he's back to investigate crimes and always be about one or two steps behind until the truth turns around and backhands him in the face! What will he do, where will he go, who will he see? Who knows! It's always an adventure!

Like Lizzy, Abberline has had his own response to what happened to Ciel. He's changed in his own ways and his place in life has changed as well. You'll be seeing more of him soon, along with everyone else.

Okay! I think that's all for now! Thanks for reading this... very long post! Feel free to ask questions, I'll be camping out near my inbox, and I'll see you again next week!

-lord_is_it_mine

#lord speaks #kuroshitsuji #fanfiction #black butler #sebaciel #writing #my writing #behind the scenes #ttnbd #tteoe series #ttnbd blog #commentary

[forthegothicheroine]

Could you make a text post of that "The Big Sleep (1946) Explained" video instead? I really like that movie. I'd love to know what it's about

Glad you asked! Let me start by saying that The Big Sleep is my favorite movie, and it is a testament to the sheer pleasure it offers that I have watched it enough to put this post together. Spoilers for a movie from 1946.

Author Raymond Chandler was and is admired for the beauty of his prose, the intensity of his characterization and his descriptive powers- but not for tight plots or skill at crafting mysteries. The film The Big Lebowski was a parody of Chandler novels, where the detective hero pulled into a series of interlocking and confusing different plots is just as baffled as the audience. On top of that, he liked writing about salacious things like sex and drugs, and in the 40s, the Production Code forced the film to hint at these things instead of spell them out. As such, the film The Big Sleep often leaves people confused about two specific mysterious deaths. The first, most famously, is...

Who killed the chauffeur?

Chandler himself famously said he'd forgotten by the time the film adaptation was made, and Kim Newman uses it as a running joke in Something More than Night.

There is an answer, though! Or rather, there are two answers, one for the book and one for the film.

The novel The Big Sleep is kind of a patchwork of the plots of several of Chandlers crime stories, in particular one about a woman at a casino taking part in an elaborate fraud. In the transition from different, originally unconnected stories to one narrative novel, some of the details got squashed. As a result, the death of the chauffeur is solved in one blink-and-you'll-miss-it line: he killed himself. He was in love with his boss's younger daughter Carmen Sternwood, who liked to spend her nights blacked out on opium and in bed with strangers. On one of these benders, she ended up in the house of a pornographer who took naked pictures of her and then blackmailed her rich family with them. To save the woman he loved, Owen Taylor the chauffeur killed the pornographer and stole the photos, only to have them stolen from him by another disreputable character, Joe Brody. Having committed murder for nothing and failed to save Carmen, Taylor killed himself.

That's in the book. In the movie, the detective protagonist Marlowe responds to the discovery of Taylor's body by saying it wasn't suicide. Remember Joe Brody the thief? When Marlowe tracks him down, he claims he only knocked the chauffeur out to steal the blackmail material. Marlowe accuses him of having gone so far as to kill him. Brody says "You can't prove I did it." Marlowe says "I can make an awfully good try." And then Brody himself gets shot by a man coming in the door, and the plot rushes forward.

But there you have it: in the movie, at least, Brody killed Taylor.

Now on to the less famous question that nevertheless seems to polarize critics...

2. Who killed the Irishman?

Once again this question has two answers, one for the book and one for the movie.

Sean Regan, IRA member and friend of the wealthy General Sternwood, has disappeared. When Marlowe is called in to help about Carmen's blackmailing, everyone, including the boss's older daughter Vivian, assumes he must have really been hired to find the missing Irishman. He wasn't, but the more people tell him not to look into the matter, the more curious he becomes. Once again, it all comes down to the naughty and erratic Carmen. In the film, gangster Eddie Mars tells Marlowe that Carmen killed him during a drug blackout, enraged that he rejected her. By the end of the movie, however, Marlowe has told the police that Eddie Mars himself, now dead, killed Regan, and then tells Vivian that she'll have to have her sister sent to a place to cure her addiction (and her nymphomania.) Marlowe and Vivian are left world weary, but bound to each other. So, was Marlowe just covering up for her out of love for Vivian?

Raymond Chandler liked female villains. In the book, Carmen absolutely killed Regan in a jealous rage, and tries to kill Marlowe later for the same reason. Vivian knew about this but would do anything to protect her sister. Marlowe agrees with her not to tell the police, so long as Carmen is sent away to a sanitarium and General Sternwood doesn't have to learn the truth. Vivian and Marlowe never go beyond a bit of hostile flirtation, and he ends the book sad and lonely, reflecting on how someday they'll all be sleeping the big sleep.

In the movie, where newlyweds Bogart and Bacall as Marlowe and Vivian sizzled with chemistry, this would have been a real bummer of an ending. Chandler himself advocated for a brutal ending where Marlowe knowingly sends Carmen to walk into a hail of gangster bullets, which would have been the obvious worst ending out of all of these. Instead, pay attention to what Marlowe says to Mars in the final scene.

Mars says he saw Carmen kill Regan, but Marlowe asks if he'd seen her before, why didn't he recognize her earlier in the movie? It's a good question. And what about the known fact that Regan had been in love with Mars's wife? Marlowe calls Mars a liar. The speech where he runs through the whole plot is fast and not everybody picks up on these lines, but he's saying that Mars himself killed Regan out of jealousy towards the man trying to steal his girl. And who better to blame than the drugged-up nympho who couldn't deny anything, and who better to blackmail than the sister desperate to protect her?

In the film, Mars killed the Irishman. Carmen Sternwood, as big a problem as she is, was more danger to herself than to others.

#the big sleep #film noir

[max-imumbooks]

Renegades Thoughts

Spoilers ahead!

----

There are things I really enjoyed about Renegades. It's just that it's shortcomings kind of overwhelm everything else. Like, they have the perfect characters to carry a truly interesting story right there, and they chose to just... not. I saw so much potential as the books progressed that every refusal to go down an untraveled road just got me more and more frustrated.

Adrian's and Nova's team members are adorable and convincingly normal. Unlike the adult superheroes, the patrol team are all teenagers who could be anyone's brother, anyone's sister. They're people first and foremost. AND they have cool and unique superpowers! Girl who can transform into a swarm of butterflies, anyone? And being one of the most badass heroes among them? And Adrian brings his drawings to reality, which doesn't seem all that valuable in combat on the surface, but in execution lends Adrian a versatility that others don't have.

As far as the plot goes, the fact that the story plays with superhero archetypes meant that I was looking for a predictable/archetypal story structure. In my head, it should have gone thus: Book 1 = ends with Nova being found out, Book 2 = consists of heroes vs villains with Nova and Adrian on opposite sides, and Book 3 = Nova and Adrian realizing the hero/villain conflict of their parents' generation doesn't have to be their story, and find a way to come back together to navigate a path of their own, joined by others their age from both sides.

That's not what I got.

I read these all back to back, so it all kind of runs together in my brain (especially since I listened on audiobook), but iirc Nova isn't even suspected until Book 3, and even though she's arrested, she's ultimately acquitted in short order. She's not TRULY found out until the finale.

The FINALE.

She then proceeds to stand by while Adrian is quite literally tortured, flayed even, with hardly a word of protest. It turned my stomach to know that this girl I've come to enjoy so much suddenly lacked any spine whatsoever, and it was enough for me to feel like Adrian's quick forgiveness after wasn't actually earned. Nova ends the story still in a moral deficit, which was kind of lazy. Like-- why.

I also expected Nova to grow into her own identity, as she starts of executing someone else's plan to infiltrate the Renegades, and then ends up crafting her own plan when she's suddenly required to maintain the facade longer than expected. In my mind, I expected her to actually take on a role of authority, but any time she's undermined or in conflict with other villains she shrinks back into obedience. When she finally acts to her own morals, it's not because she's grown and gained unique experiences, but because it turns out her uncle lied to her about the deaths of her parents and baby sister Evie.

Speaking of, what REALLY gets my goat is that the most interesting twist on the story, the thing that would have 100% redeemed this story if it had been explored in the main text, happens in the EPILOGUE.

See, there's this character we meet in the same scene we meet Nova. Nova is on the street during a parade, and a young pickpocket tries to steal her bracelet-- the last token Nova has of her parents, her most prized possession. The pickpocket turns out to be Maggie, codename Magpie, a Renegade who has a talent for identifying and unearthing valuable items. From then on, Nova positively loathes Maggie, and the feeling is mutual. They hate each other's guts, and can barely be in the same room without fighting each other.

It's actually quite refreshing that Nova doesn't suddenly lapse into mother mode, as other stories may be wont to do. Two girls hate each other-- it happens! And it's 100% in character on both girls' parts.

But here's the thing: in the finale, Maggie is revealed to be Evie. You know, Nova's murdered baby sister whose death motivates every one of Nova's actions for three whole novels? Yeah. That Evie. No one knows, not even them. Maggie was delivered to an orphanage as an infant, after her parents were found murdered and her older sister missing, never to be heard from again. Maggie grew up hoping that her sister would re-appear and claim her, but she's abandoned that dream-- she's far too cynical and streetwise for that.

But imagine. If the story had let Maggie and Nova learn the truth... How would they reconcile? Would they believe it? Would they eventually come together and love each other like they always dreamed of doing? THAT would have been 100% more compelling than the lukewarm commentary of the hero/villain dichotomy that we got. That could have easily been the main focus of Book 3.

Ugggggggghhhhh... it makes me want to tear my hair out.

Especially because there's been no mention of Marissa Meyer of returning to the world of Renegades.

On a side note, as a kid I had a habit of fancasting the characters in almost every book I read. I've mostly grown out of that, but this series did have a character (Nova's uncle) that instantly put an actor in my head-- Phil LaMarr, who I know predominantly as Malefic J'onzz in CW's Supergirl. Nova's uncle Ace had such a distinct presentation and delivery that LaMarr's face was the only thing that popped into my brain. (And in casting LaMarr, it would suggest that Nova would be black or at least mixed race, which opens up a whole world of wonderful casting choices.)

So-- yeah. Any story where the most interesting and compelling plot twist happens in the epilogue is certainly on the struggle bus.

#marissa meyer #renegades spoilers #my thoughts #a little more informal #gonna do both takes moving forward #i hope anyway #it's double the work #but hey #i like giving my more spoilery thoughts #but also want to give people a spoiler free review to see if they want to read it without ruining the story for them