#and it wasn't even an irl concert

[bitchimasnake-sss]

listen to me, no. no. listen to me.

once you've yelled champagne problems with your friends at the top of your throat, once you've cried to "i'm just seventeen, i don't know anything" and yelled FUCK YOU JAMES with them, once you've danced in a theatre with random girls who you will never see again to "shake it off" and you've held each other through "you're own your own kid", you become a different person

i went into that theatre a fucking girl and i came out a woman

it was cathartic

#and it wasn't even an irl concert #i went through metamorphosis #taylor swift #taylor swift eras #the eras tour #taylors version #the eras movie #the era tour #the era tour movie #mother taylor #swifties #midnights #1989 taylor's version #lover taylor swift #evermore #reputation #speak now #red tv #eras tour film

[wormbussy]

with all due respect which is none,

fuck eurovision.

but more importantly, it is hilarious how much you're bothered by the boycott. you want to be ignorant and turn a blind eye but you're mad that not everyone wants to be a part of that 🤗 "oh no!! i wanna watch my concert (that's funded by a genocidal state btw) but people are a little too loud about human rights for me to enjoy it :((("

fucking pathetic. educate yourself. or better yet, stop trying to shame people for being educated... frankly i don't even care if you choose to keep being ignorant at this point, because if seven months of brutal genocide wasn't enough to make you care i don't think anything ever will. but you coming on here and trying to tell people it's stupid of them to care says so much about you. and it's genuinely hilarious, sorry but someone had to say it. enjoy your rigged racist song contest

I'm so happy I turned off anon asks for this.

Buddy.

The point of a boycott is choosing to boycott a thing you don't like, and if you had actually read my post you'd know I'm fine with that.

A number of my irl friends are choosing not to watch this year for much the same reasons you are. That's their choice and they are absolutely free to choose not to watch a fucking song contest!

What they're not doing is going fucking bananas at strangers on the internet because a stranger on the internet likes a thing they think nobody is allowed to like.

My point is. Talk about how bad thing bad. Block people enjoying thing bad you don't want to see. Block tag of thing bad you don't want to see. Don't harass people enjoying thing bad you don't want to see *in their tag*. The block button is free.

[helshollowhalls]

I have some thoughts. On Mysta's graduation. And the current state of Nijisanji in general.

At the end of the day, I am not surprised. I expected someone else to graduate first, hell I even expected Niji to keep more of an iron grip on their money makers aka Luxiem in order to milk them for more cash, but I digress.

Mysta is graduating and it only goes to show that their 'money first, talent... third? last?' approach comes back to bite them in the arse. This might be the potential wakeup call for everyone who has yet to realize that the entire English branch of Nijisanji is crumbling away in record time because of the absolutely abysmal talent management and treatment of the livers.

I refrained from speculating who would be the next ones to graduate after Nina - simply because I will leave that job to the anonymous leakers on the site/platform that shall not be named here. Apparently Shu and Vox were brought up as the potential next people to graduate (this is according to a recent Depressed Nousagi stream but he didn't show any screenshots so take that with a massive bucket of salt.) Mysta was allegedly also mentioned down the line, but he seemingly wasn't the first choice.

Honestly, if you think about it the entirety of Luxiem must be so done mentally. They didn't know what to expect when they signed up to become Nijisanji's first male English-speaking Vtuber group. They waltz onto the scene, explode in popularity all over the world out of nowhere basically and suddenly they're Niji EN's favorite child. The company is milking them for all they have because OH BOI do they rake in the cash - not to mention from a target audience that was completely ignored before in the EN corporate sphere - female viewers.

In a lot of things the boys weren't given any choice. Jazz On The Clock? The first ever second unit song in Niji EN ever and it was released even before their anniversary. With Luxiem being the fourth EN wave in total it felt a little counterintuitive - Wouldn't they start another potential wave of unit songs with LazuLight, their first wave? Well, now that Light Me Up is out and Pomu talked about the entire fiasco of LazuLight basically fighting management tooth and nail to be allowed a second unit song, I think most of us can guess how things are going at Anycolor. And in case you're not entirely convinced, just look at the amount of Luxiem merch Niji has put out compared to any other EN wave.

It's not just JotC, but their anniversary/irl Japan meetup stream as well. That stream was something that personally really rubbed me the wrong way because it felt very inauthentic. It felt like the five of them were just shoved into a room at the Niji HQ to play Smash and do some batsus while the executives and managers proceeded to lock the doors and breath down their necks for the entirety of the stream. The stream had a very different feel to it - Comparing it to other Luxiem collab streams or even other anniversary streams. Management didn't consider it necessary to order Obsydia or Ethyria to Japan and record their anniversary streams at the Niji HQ - Well, that would be because none of them make the company as much sweet sweet cash as Luxiem - Closest would maybe be Selen. And even she has been public about the management fuck-ups - I am talking about her outfit design contest here, of course.

But back to Luxiem. I don't follow them as closely as I used to in the beginning, infact I am only subscribed to Shu out of the five, so let's start from here.

The entire wave collectively tweeted very salty and sarcastic remarks about the official announcement of the EN 3D Live Concert being "postponed due to COVID" earlier this year. But out of all of them, it seemingly hit Shu the hardest. I noticed that he was streaming less and less, infact he still isn't streaming as much as he used to.

Ike... oh boi, where do I even begin. Judging from his spontaneous irl hangout with Vox recently and the amount of projects he has been involved in as a vocal mixer, not to mention his two recent songs of which one is an original, this man seems to be working 30 hours a day and is stressed to the max.

Mysta made his personal situation and his ongoing burnout/lack of goals to work towards very clear in his graduation announcement stream, so I won't go into detail.

Vox has also been streaming less frequently. During the course of his employment at Nijisanji he got diagnosed with ADHD and PTSD (I believe), started therapy and medication, had a panic attack during an ASMR stream, started new projects and also some personal issues in his private life to deal with.

I have to be honest about Luca - I don't really know anything about what is going on with him apart from the fact that he planned to move again and got a puppy.

In conclusion, I could see reasons for anyone of them graduating anytime soon. Management isn't treating them well - Management isn't treating anyone in EN well, it seems - and at some point that fact doesn't warrant staying with the company anymore. Plus, money isn't really an issue for any of them at this point I assume - Especially Vox and Mysta. Both of them have enough money to fulfill their potential aspirations as indies or under another agency or manager.

Infact, apart from a couple of livers I can see anyone graduating next because of how Nijisanji handles things.

Some may argue that it all started going downhill when they kicked Yugo or when Zaion got terminated - Regardless of what you think, at the end of the day, the entire branch is seemingly falling apart right in front of us and Nijisanji's reputation is tanking, especially with the English-speaking fanbase, while Hololive idly sits by and watches the drama unfold.

The consequences of Mysta leaving and the message it sends about Nijisanji and how they treat their livers can't be understated.

#nijisanji luxiem #nijisanji en #niji en #nijien #nijisanji #luxiem #obsydia #nijisanji ethyria #ethyria #lazulight #mysta rias #vox akuma #ike eveland #shu yamino #luca kaneshiro #yugo asuma #zaion lanza #nina kosaka #pomu rainpuff #selen tatsuki #anycolor #en vtuber #vtuber #vtuber graduation #graduation

[apfel07]

Let me rant about the Vienna concert because it was amazing (this is a long post):

I got to talk to Vita and give her a bracelet I made for her (I said "talking to people is hard" and she responded "yeah that's why I'm behind the camera not in front of it")

I met a few people I knew online irl and they were all really nice

I met the girls who made the "Bojan loves swedish girls" shirt

Nace, Jure and Bojan came out twice to talk to us which I absolutely didn't expect.

I talked to Nace and asked him what his turtles are called and he told me they don't have names.

I gave him a bracelet that I made and he wore it during the concert. (The bracelet wasn't elastic but it had a little clasp and he didn't put it on while he was outside so he must have consciously decided that he wanted to wear it and then either put it on himself or asked someone else to put it on for him. I don't even know if it happened like that and the thought still makes me giddy)

Jure and Bojan both signed my sign that said: People who want Kris to sing NGVOT (and Bojan found it funny that I asked: Could you sign my sign?)

All three of them signed my shirt

The entire concert was absolutely amazing and I had a really good view

Nace in a suit

Bojan spoke german multiple times (schmutzige Gedanken, Jungs, Danke)

They played every song

Whatever the fuck the JaNace A sem ti povedal moment was

Kris sang the beginning of NGVOT

Kris, honey

Bojan told us that this point they would normally go of stage and we would pretend to be surprised when they come back on stage but we can just skip the going of stage part and pretend to be surprised right away

After they played Carpe Diem and actually went of stage we screamed "Zugabe" so loudly that they came back and played SSOL again ("we have run out of songs")

Jure was eating a banana when they came back

I managed to get some nice merch

So yeah, I had an amazing time and I'm so incredibly grateful that I got to experience this. Thank you to everyone who made that possible.

#joker out #jan peteh #nace jordan #kris guštin #bojan cvjetićanin #jure maček

[kafus]

my friend who passed away was the friend who got me that event pichu exclusive to IRL movie theaters in south korea that i mentioned a while back. his name was Riku

he passed away in the early morning of the 22nd (21st in my timezone). he was in his early 20s and had just moved out on his own and it was way too soon for him to go. just a week or two ago i was watching the kaika and vwp gensho concerts with him at 4 in the morning. he was around literally everyday - me and my friends found out about his death so soon because we were concerned that he was gone for just one day, and on the second day we reached out to one of his IRL friends to find out where he was. he was often in the hospital so i was hoping he was just afk for a particularly long time in the hospital and he would send a picture of his iv drip and the ceiling like he always did. i could not have imagined this would be the time he didn't make it. it is going to be weird not hearing from him literally everyday like i have been for the past 2-3 years. i am really struggling with this, i have had friends pass away but never any this close to me. i'm trying to keep myself together for his sake

leave it to me to process strong emotions through pokemon i guess but i loaded up SV to give the pichu the best friends ribbon so it says "the Great Friend" when sent out. i can't nickname it due to the fateful encounter flag but i've given him the name Anemo in my mind at least since our main shared interest that we met over was Kamitsubaki, and his favorite singer was Isekaijoucho, and the flower things in her hair are called Anemos (short for Anemones) and i thought naming him in a small way after something he loved and an interest we shared would benice

i also did a nuzlocke a while back where i had some special rulings to do with naming all my encounters after my friends from the friend group me and riku were in - the pokemon everyone got assigned were random and decided by spinning a wheel, and riku ended up being my flygon that came to the E4 and everything

i wasn't planning on ribbon mastering any pokemon from that playthrough, but now i really want to RM this flygon specifically. transfer him up and take him with me yknow

riku was not a pokemon fan in particular, but it was something we shared/bonded over - he used to ping me whenever he saw art of any kamitsubaki character with pokemon, and he went out of his way to celebrate that interest with me, even thru our language barrier

his favorite musician of all time was Kanzaki Iori, and some months ago he put out a call for fans to send him pictures he could use in the youtube videos for some cover songs he was doing. riku submitted photos, and on two occasions his photos were actually included - we didn't share pictures of ourselves or our real life often, so these were some of his rare photos of his real life presence

i can't stop listening to these. i cannot imagine how many times he listened to them himself. he was so happy about his photos being in these videos

i'll make a more proper memorial post at a later time (i want to draw something dedicated to him) but i just sort of wanted to ramble about this to get some thoughts out of my head in a public space. riku didn't have a ton of people in his IRL life and we were just friends over the internet but i want him to be remembered and i want my feelings today to be saved somewhere. eventually it'll get easier but for now it's still really raw

#kiki was here #kiki.txt #death tw

[samantitheos]

Weekly Tag Wednesday

Thanks for the tags @deedala and @jrooc. 🖤

Name: Sam.

Age: Older than Cam, younger than Noel.

First Pet? Buck, a black, long-haired cat who lived to be 23. 🐈‍⬛

First Word? I just tried to ask my parents...

First Celebrity Crush? So JTT seems like a common denominator among a bunch of us... Also Devon Sawa (I basically wore out the VHS of Wild America at my grandparents' house) and AJ from the Backstreet Boys.

First IRL Crush? Calin, my grade 4 "boyfriend." Also still randomly have dreams about him once in a while despite not having seen him in like 20+ years. What does it meeeean???

First kiss? This is so sad, but I actually don't remember. Probably one of my friends during Truth or Dare.

First Car? I spent my hard-earned cash working at A&W on this monstrosity my friends nicknamed "Hot Thunder." Smh. All I know is shame.

First apartment/house/dorm/whatever away from your parents? This tiny little house we rented that had bright orange 70s-era flower power wallpaper in one of the rooms. I'll spare you the picture, but nightmare inducing.

First time on a plane? Going to Cancun with my parents when I was 3.

First cellphone? Nokia 3310, I think. I just remember playing the snake game. 🐍

First concert? Rod Stewart. Thanks, mom. Lol.

First Foreign country you visited? Probably the US, but definitely Mexico when I was 3.

First sport you ever played? First team sport was softball, but I did a bunch of other shit even before that (ballet, swimming, figure skating). I was so athletic, I have no idea what happened lol.

First career aspiration? I went through a weird marine biology phase before I probably even understood what a biologist was.

And finally… tell me about the first time you wrote/drew/created/whatever something that made you think "wow": Feeling pride in my own work? Ew. But I guess my MA dissertation if only because it was 5 times as long as anything I had ever written before, and I didn't think I could do that.

Giving a little boopity boop to some homies. @gallapiech @lingy910y @krysmiss @mickittotheman @energievie @whaticameherefor @wehangout @callivich @camnoelgallavich @depressedstressedlemonzest @sam-loves-seb @sluttymickey

EDIT: My mom just texted to say she thinks "Buck" was my first word. 🥺🥺 But also that I couldn't always pronounce it right, so maybe my dad wasn't too far off with "fuck." 🤣

#tag game #weekly tag wednesday

[myloveforhergoeson]

Hey there! :) For the ask game: 1, 2, 3, 8, and 13.

hello!! thank you for the ask! i love the questions <3

how did you become a big time rush fan?

my college roommate introduced me our sophomore year! my spotify tells me i added my first btr song to my playlist on oct 5th 2021 if we want to get specific about it. i wasn't allowed to watch nickelodeon growing up - had i been, i would have definitely been a fan when it was airing! i'm a huge boyband girlie, so my roommate was shocked when she asked me if i'd ever seen btr and i didn't even know what it was. i only knew of the song big time rush through that "why are you in such a big time rush?" vine :)

2. who is your favorite member (and why)?

in the showverse, james 100%! if you couldn't tell by my blog i love him very much. cute, silly, a little bit stupid... dream guy fr. but irl, definitely kendall! from interviews i think our personalities are similar and we'd vibe together well :) he seems really sweet and laid back. i also really love his work outside of btr

3) what are your top three favorite big time rush songs?

worldwide, paralyzed, picture this! worldwide bc it makes me feel so warm and fuzzy whenever i hear it. paralyzed because it's closest to my music taste outside of boybands; musically i think it's just incredible with the blend of rock elements into the love song and vocally the boys just kill it. i wish they had more songs like that. picture this because i love the little storyline woven throughout because it's so vivid i feel like they're singing to me and it always makes me want to put together a scrapbook lol! and the guitar is soooo sweet. honorary mentions to amazing, like nobody's around, love me, love me, this is our someday, and time of our life

8) who's your favorite character from the show?

lucy :) she is the loml i wish they didn't do her so dirty. i feel like she was created as a caricature of punk/emo culture and there was a big waste of opportunity to have her introduce her pop friends to a new genre idk. i'm very big into pop/punk/emo and i wish we got more of her music in the show as well even if it's not about her. the snippet of "you dumped me for her" always leaves me wanting a full song! and i really wish they didn't force her into a relationship with james lmao; they've both got some things to work out about themselves when they get together and i don't think them being together fits either of their characters! but regardless, she is my favorite. i love a little pot-stirrer alt girl :) and a singer songwriter? all on her own? such insane talent they do not really commend her on!!

13) what's your favorite picture of big time rush?

ughhh i just went through all my concert photos and none of them are any good 😭 but i’ll pick an oldie-

this one!! can’t explain why tbh, i just think they all look so cute :)

#thank you so much again!! wonderful game :) #chats with ash

[allylikethecat]

Omg, also a TS fan since debut and I massively took a step back from her personally prior to the reputation era because of her antics and victim complex. The music will always mean so so much to me, her lyrics mean so much to me, but her actions as a person and TS™️ as an entity is just weird and greedy. I think she accrued a lot of fans when she disappeared for a while who've completely constructed a narrative in their heads of who she is and they believe it and are eating up this current era, but those who've been here a long time know how PR and image driven it is. Exhausting.

I apologize in advance I have been having way too many feelings about this whole situation and how it relates to my identity as a 28 year old woman and you are about to get an oversharing novel in response lol

Also, I guess CW: this post is about Taylor Swift and if anyone sends me any kind of hate or whatnot related to my own personal opinions and feelings I will be deleting it because I am NOT playing that game.

My Aunt bought me the Debut album CD at a concert after seeing her open for Rascal Flatts. She was like "I thought that you would like her!" and she was RIGHT Taylor Swift became my entire personality. One of my FAVORITE core memories as a child was the day Fearless came out. For some reason we didn't have school, and my Mom and I watched Taylor on the Ellen show, and then we went to Target and bought the physical CD, we then drove around town so we could listen to it together. My mom hasn't been well and that is one of my favorite memories of us together. It's silly but when you're in middle school that kind of thing is important to you. Then in high school I actually got MADE FUN OF for wearing Taylor merch and being excited about Red. BUT I loved her music and felt like she actually stood for something, so I brushed it off and continued to be a HUGE Swiftie. I had the Taylor Swift dolls, I had the perfumes, I had the LOVE LOVE LOVE bracelet, I had the sundresses from WALMART. I saw her on the Fearless and 1989 tours, I had the fucking 1989 haircut. I was supposed to go to Loverfest.

I was still a HUGE Swiftie during the post 1989-pre Reputation eras, then the Reputation era. I'm a few years younger than her, but I felt like I could relate to the kind of manic panic that she was sharing with us (lol turns out I was just unmedicated and we're doing much better now). It felt (in my probably naive mind) like she was experiencing the same insecurities that I was and reacting accordingly. Was she playing the victim at times? Oh 100% BUT I also fully believe that she thought she was one. (Plus... Kim is my least favorite Kardashian lol)

I LOVED the Lover era even as it was shit on at the for the sunshine rainbow hyper colorful aesthetic. Like, I don't know if new fans realize but when Lover was released? It was NOT as beloved as it is now. Then Folklore and Evermore were absolute genius, it felt like Taylor had grown up, and she got all of these new fans, which was great! She was in an "adult" relationship and her music and publicity choices seemed to reflect that. It was so refreshing to see a celebrity keeping their personal life, personal, and sharing what they wanted to share through music. Midnights broke all kinds of records, again, amazing! Even if it wasn't as strong as say Folklore. I fought for my life and got Eras Tour tickets (opening weekend!!) I had the BEST TIME EVER.

Taylor has always been extremely calculated with her public image. She was over exposed during The 1989 era and the public turned on her, so I truly cannot figure out why she is doing it again 100x in this new era of whatever the fuck this is. I don't know her, maybe she is legitimately happy, or maybe this is a cry for help. But I have been so grossed out by her behavior lately, and how in your face everything is with Kelce. It's no secret that I hate Kelce (and people that know me IRL know that it's not a new Taylor related thing lol) and if she actually loves him, fine, that's great for her, BUT we don't need to see it! Yes she was public when she was dating Calvin but ALSO she was what 25-26? She's a 34 year old woman now with the biggest platform of any celebrity ever. She feels too old (and this is not me age shaming her because I would be grossed out if my friends were doing it, and I would be embarrassed if *I* were to ever do it) to be licking a man's face in public like this. This feels like sorority girl in her first college relationship (I was *in* a sorority for a hot second so this isn't hate on sorority girls either!) and not record breaking Grammy award winning artist. ALSO I feel like she used to come across as so articulate and well spoken? Controversial opinion but I thought she sounded like a fucking idiot in that Time Person of the Year piece.

I think that this whole thing is PR for something, but because it just feels too icky to be real, but I don't know what it's PR for, (trying to bury the Matty situation from May? Because if so that just makes me even more sad for him or trying to get back at Joe? Which if that's the case, I feel bad for him too and she's even more immature than I thought) and now, for the first time, AFTER SIXTEEN YEARS I'm embarrassed to be a fan of her, both because of her own actions and also the actions of her fanbase as a whole.

It feels really weird, and I know I'm being parasocial about it, but when the times got bad I always had her music to fall back on and now I just, I don't know it feels cheapened somehow because the current image that's being crafted doesn't match the one that we originally fell for. And you know what, people change, she's a celebrity, I don't know her, what she does DOES NOT affect me any way, and how I feel does not AFFECT HER in the slightest, and I know it's being parasocial but I feel like a big part of me is in mourning about it. Less because of her changing her image so drastically, and more so because I feel like I'm mourning the loss of childhood and joy that used to be associated with her music for me and I think that's what's making me the most sad.

I have Eras tour tickets for one of the London dates this summer. I'm probably going to still go, because I paid for them, and I also have tickets to see Noah Kahan that same week in London (... and also the Longines tour has ALSO decided that the London stop is that week...) But I don't consider myself a "big fan" anymore. Maybe I will be one day again, but this current image that she's putting out just isn't it for me.

Sorry for the longest Taylor related novel in existence, I have had a lot of bottled up feelings about this that feel ridiculous typing out and sharing out loud BUT I know I will feel better sending them into the interwebs and your ask was the perfect catalyst.

Thank you so much for sending this in and for your continued support! I hope you continue to enjoy my fics and my secret sports hot takes 😂

❤️Ally

#allylikethecat #ask ally #anon ask #keep it kind #i am so sorry this got so long #i just started word vomiting and couldnt stop #then i started crying thinking about my mom #and yeah anyway i am 100% sober just dramatic lol #dont worry i will still be working on you know where the city is #Fictional!2014/2015 taylor has not made me sad lol #and i know it doesnt matter or actually impact me and its super parasocial and probably not healthy that im sad about all of this #BUT i love projecting my feelings and shit onto other things #and why deal with the ~other trauma~ in my life #when i could just... be bummed out about taylor swift turning into a trashy hoe instead of the poet we thought she was #BUT IN IMPORTANT AND EXCITING NEWS #the way i am so hype for this beyonce country album #im not even a beyonce stan #i dont even know if i would go as far as saying im a casual fan #but 16 carriages is so good #and im so excited to see what the rest of the album has in store #also please be nice to me im being vulnerable on the internet #because i am too stubborn to be vulnerable in real life #... there is a 75% chance i am going to panic delete this later but oh well here it is

[siberian-xanadu]

Hiii it's Violet misses her friend again hours!!! I hope you don't mind this little story I'm going to share, because it's something I think of every time I find myself in this state lol. So, back in January, around the New Year, I was hanging out in my sister's room after my friend had logged off for the night. It was only about seven or eight o'clock here, but he's 5 hours ahead of me, so it was around midnight to one in the morning there. This is important.

One thing you should know about me, for context, is that I've moved and changed school districts twice in my life. I moved in fifth grade from one school district to another, and then again between eighth and ninth grade. It's been hard to keep in contact with people from either district throughout high school.

So, my sister is scrolling on social media, and she finds the account of my elementary school classmate's sister, who announced my old classmate's death. Now, I wasn't particularly close with this kid; I spoke with him a couple times in elementary school, being in the same fourth grade class, but his mother was my fifth grade teacher (until I moved). What I do remember is that he was always nice to me, and his mother was a nice woman as well.

To be honest, it took me a moment to set in that this person from my childhood was now dead. In fact, it's been a few months and I'm not entirely sure if it has set in yet. It was a strange feeling. It is a strange feeling. Even though I hadn't seen him in six or seven years, and wasn't even that close in the first place, I knew that we were supposed to be starting our lives, not ending them in car wrecks.

So, in my shock, I messaged my friend on discord because I didn't really know how to react, or what else to do. I knew that we had said our goodnights about an hour before, and wasn't really expecting a response, but to my surprise, he got back to me within ten minutes.

Another thing you should know about me is that my standards for relationships (platonic in this case) are in turbo hell. I never really had a solid group of friends growing up, due to being neurodivergent and moving around a lot, and I certainly never got to the point where I would tell one of my friends about this.

And he got back to me within ten minutes. Not only that, even though he said he wouldn't be able to talk to me that night, he said that was because he wanted to help me in the way I deserved, and that he was thinking of me and that he loved me. What the fuck??? Like I said, my standards are in literal hell. This guy, that I met on this fucking hellsite that I've never met in person is a better friend to me than anyone I've known irl. Which is... sort of pathetic on my part, I suppose? But I guess it's also beautiful in a way; how two people can connect across oceans.

The story doesn't end there, however. The next day, true to his word, he sends me a "care package" (his words, not mine) of concert videos of all my favorite bands. I was in the middle of class when he sent it over, and I was, honestly, completely shocked. I don't think I'll ever forget that kindness. We had a long conversation that night over lots of things, partially about my classmate, partially about whatever we were talking about, but I think that's when I knew I finally had something real.

One last thing you should about me, and it's sort of a combination of moving a lot, never really forming solid friendships, and some issues with my mother (that is a whole 'nother can of worms) is that I have some anxiety around abandonment. I recognize it for what it is now, and do my best to not let it interfere with my relationships, but sometimes I do get anxious, and start trying to mentally prepare myself for the end of a relationship (romantic or platonic). So, I have to recognize I'm spiraling and I have to fight it off. Rereading those messages always grounds me and reminds me that it's all in my head.

I really didn't intend to write this much, but whatever! I feel it's got a good message, I think.

#storytime with violet #personal shit #jesus i'm a sappy bastard lol #i just love and value my friends so much man #tw death

[valittlecorner]

☆ (Improvised) Pararai appreciation post!!

- Hi hello this is a very improvised post!!! But I've always been thinking about how this project seems to be made with so much love. There's so many details about the creative process of it I can't get out of my head. So we're appreciating it. Right now.

1) Designs!! The fact they got a bunch of different character designers for EACH UNIT for the sake of keeping it unique, resulting in a cast full of vibrant outstanding characters. That definitely wasn't cheap, but they made the sacrifice for the sake of a varied cast!! And it did pay off (It also must've been a struggle to adapt the designs to the usual Pararai artstyle lol)

2) VA's!! They hired Utaites with more or less experience to be voice actors!! (Zen va, Kei va, Anne va, Toma va). They opened a bunch of opportunities for the ones who are beginners in the Industry like 96Neko, who mentioned Pararai was the first "real project" she's participated in. And the best thing is, they've been doing their best efforts to preserve the identities of whoever wants to remain private. Like 96Neko, who's usually a shadow in concerts. And Kashitaro Ito, who always wears a fox mask (I THINK that's always been his thing but I still want to mention it, don't come at me!!).

3) VA's!! (the sequel). On the voice actor topic, besides hiring Utaites, they also got their hands on some of the most recognized faces in the industry. Like Natsuki Hanae (Ryuu va, known for roles like Tanjiro Kamado), Ayumu Murase (Hajun va, known for roles like Shōyo Hinata) and many others! All the Pararai voice actors are talented, but having some of the most solid VAs on board definitely helped the project a lot not only providing publicity, but providing some amazing work in concerts due to their experience while also having fun little quirks (staring at Natsuki who's quite literally irl Ryuu).

4) The commitment to Rap and different genres!! Most projects do have this, but I still want to talk about it okay!!!! Pararai has a lot of different genres under their belt, we all know that. But I think it's the COMMITMENT to it that really makes me happy. Every group has an established genre, like for example, Cozmez have more "raw" hip hop and trap, while Akyr are Reggaeton inspired, those are their assigned genres. But the producers manage to make a different twist all the time. Even if it's the same genre and formula, they always give it a new unique twist without ruining its essence, thus establishing a solid image for everyone!! This could sound like the bare minimum, because it is, but it's MY post so I'm appreciating it anyways, it's nice :3.

5) Fan appreciation!! The AMOUNT of events for JP Heads is impressive. Listen, most projects have livestreams and concerts, that's pretty much the standard. But Pararai takes this concept to the next level. It's not enough to just have a livestream event on an Anniversary, nuh-uh, they have livestreams EVERY TIME a new phase of RTL drops. And speaking of RTL phases, they also open AT LEAST ONE little pop-up cafe when these happen, with special merch and food + those videos with the VAs and Producers talking about the songs. Also the Dope shows, they're pretty elaborated too. They have little outfits for each VA that are a replica of their character's. Cmon they even have exclusive bonuses depending on where you get your albums from, like in K-pop!!! They kind of spoil us fans lately, but we won't complain🤨🤨

As you can tell, this project is filled with so much Love for its niche. Every voice actor seems to really like their job, some are constantly posting old photos or promoting in personal accs, and I can see why they do. This is a really worthy project, made with nothing but respect to its fans!!! Thanks if you read all of it, I was rambling a bit lol

#pararai #paradox live #prri #forgot to mention the queer rep with Anne but oh well #become a pararai fan NOW

[philsmeatylegss]

I promised I would remember her for every milestone, so here it is

If you are a senior clikkie, you might remember Tour de Columbus. I was super lucky that my friend at the time won tickets to the exclusive show, Express Live specifically.

I scoured and found a handful of people who also were going to Express Live and I made a group chat.

One person in this group was Emily. She was 17, almost 18. She was going to graduate high school the next school year, 2018. She played guitar and she really liked it. She was religious and liked to help people. She prided herself on wanting to help people.

At the time, I was 14 and severely depressed. I had some one-on-one conversations with her to vent in the months before the concert. We also spoke in the months after the concert to.

Something really traumatic happened to me about a month after the concert. And due to specific circumstances, she just happened to ended up being the first person I spoke to after it happened. I don't remember much, other than her assuring me everything was going to be okay. In the grand scheme, it wasn't that big of a deal, but I was so sick at the time, I needed that reassurance to get me through.

We lost contact over the next few months until someone from the group chat sent a message that there were memorial posts for Emily, on Instagram and the captions implied she had taken her own life. We were able to find her obituary where it was confirmed she took her life in late November of 2017.

I always promised myself from that day that I wouldn't let her be forgotten. So for every 21p milestone, I like to dedicate a post to her.

We miss you, Emily. Wherever you are now, I hope you finally have found the peace you deserved. I will never forget you. l-/

I am 20 now. In college and fully recovered. I am older than when Emily passed. It has been six and a half (?) years and I still cannot write about her without crying. We knew each other for so little, never even met irl, and her passing still hurts. You don't realize how many people you impact. I wish I could have told Emily that.

#tw suicide #rae’s rambles #twenty one pilots #overcompensate #21 pilots

[earlgreytea68]

I had this lovely dream and I woke up and texted myself the rough outline of it so I would remember and I'm going to write it down here now before I forget it.

In this dream, instead of leaving Fenway right away to sit in useless traffic, I stuck around aimlessly, and I was scrolling through my phone when Patrick stump sought me out, which isn't even the strangest part of this dream, because what he said to me was "Tell your dad he's like this close" and he put his fingers really close together "to being a professional drummer." And I was like ????? And it turned out my father had played the drums at the Fenway show??????

Now my father didn't even go to the Fenway show but I dream logic I accepted that this had happened and was like "omg!!!!" And apparently there was a Drumming Emergency and they were like "does anybody know how to play the drums?" Like looking for a doctor on a plane, and my father volunteered. Again, in dream logic, I did not question why I had missed all of this lol

My father does IRL play the drums and in the dream I told Patrick his real story, about how he'd always wanted to play the drums but he had a rough childhood that wasn't the kind of childhood where there was money or even attention for a child's dreams and so he didn't take up the drums until he was in his 40s, and imagine having something you wanted to do but not being able to do it until your life was half over. And Patrick listened so hard and so kindly with all his attention on me, it was really striking, I remember this because even in the dream I was like "he doesn't care about this!!!!" In my head as I was rambling at him but he was so, so kind and focused on me and we had a whole conversation about being lucky to do the things we love to donate early ages (I did not tell him my thing is writing because even in the dream I was thinking, "well, clearly can't get into what I write so just don't mention that" lol)

Then Pete came looking for Patrick and he told them how my dad had been the drummer and I was like "look, I am amazed, I could not tell the difference, I really thought it was Andy, not like during the Tosh shows when I could tell it was a different drummer" and I actually added an aside "I watched the Tosh shows via stream" like they needed the clarification and Patrick was like "no, I totally agree" and Pete was like "I didn't think Tosh sounded that different from Andy" and Patrick gave him a look and was like "Pete" and Pete kind of shrugged and then they were off.

And I was texting my father the night things Patrick had said about him and then my father showed up and I was like "OMG WHAT EVEN IS GOING ON TELL ME EVERYTHING" and he was like "I knew you would be like this sigh" lol and I was like "you don't even know fall out boy songs!! How could you play the drums to them!!!" And he was like "yeah, Patrick was worried about that too" like oh, yeah, now he's on first-name basis with Patrick Stump I was just agog at him in this dream and then he was like "but he's pretty casual about the setlist so if there was any song I didn't want to play he said we could switch it" and then I was like "was Fenway really loud?? We sounded like we were really loud, what did it sound like on stage?"

And then he sighed and was like "I knew you would be like this so I made this recording" and handed me his phone (least realistic part of this dream, my father has no idea how to make a recording on his phone). I think the end of this recording was meant to be the concert from the drummers perspective but the beginning was my father's audition? And he played some original piece, like, just fooling around on the drums. And when he was done Patrick made some musical remarks (I wish I could remember what my brain made up here but I can't) and then Pete said "I would call that piece To the Point. Because of the point at the end of the drumsticks. And also the point of the piece. It got to the point" and I was like "this is the most Pete Wentz thing I have ever heard" and on the recording Patrick was like "yes okay moving along" lololol because Patrick just affably deals with Pete's tangents all the time.

And then I said to my friend (who was suddenly there) mournfully in the dream, "Patrick is just like how I write him and that is so, so bad. It would have been better if he were nothing like that" and my friend was like "why? You didn't want him to be nice?" And I was like "this means people like Patrick exist in the world and actually that is deeply annoying" and then, with this bit of wisdom, I woke up.

And then immediately texted the highlights to myself.

And then went back to sleep lol

Sometimes my brain gifts me with really narrative dreams like this where people just turn out to be really nice and kind and people you just would like to be real life friends with and I think my brain intends these dreams as a treat for me AND THEY ARE but also there's always this disconcerting moment when you wake up and...you're not friends with Patrick stump lol

#dream #fall out boy #peterick #fob

[fakeyellow]

You know i was wondering how the k-netz in the game will react to F!Lee Seol with F!Mc confirmed being a couple you know? 🤔 Tbh im not mad if you put the k-netz comment in the game sounds ruthless you know bcs it seriously is in their nature on daily basis lol 💀

This is an interesting question and while I'm leaning towards writing it one specific way, I'd love to hear more people's opinions on it before I decide anything final.

Long answer below:

As it is, I wasn't planning on F!LS and MC's relationship going public. The important people would know about it including both of your managers/friends and other close friends. Korea can still be considered a socially conservative society and even if there are slowly more gay characters in dramas/films, there aren't many actual celebrities who are out. There is the comedian/restauranteur Hong Seok Cheon who is probably the most famous out gay celebrity but he couldn't appear on TV for 3 years and faced/faces discrimination. Even this year, the Korean Pride festival was denied a venue in Seoul in favour of a Christian youth concert.

For actors, particularly of LS and MC's popularity and particularly women, to come out as LGBT, that would effectively destroy both of your careers and possibly cause a national outrage. It could lead to petitions to the Blue House (Korea's White House), physical protestors, and some seriously abusive comments. We joke that netizens can be harsh online but there are already irl examples of how they can go too far. While there can be negative comments in the story in the future, there's a limit to how negative they'll be.

So I was planning for a more veiled romance in the end where for the public, it'll have like "oh they're such good friends" / "and they were roommates~" vibes. But for LGBT groups, they might pick up on the sapphic vibes and silently root for them.

Those are my thoughts on the matter but then again, this is a game so I don't necessarily have to make it so realistic and could write a happy ending where you guys come out. IDK I'm open to hearing thoughts on this.

#crash course in you #lee seol

[izzy-b-hands]

12, 15, 34, 46?

Ella!! Thank u for asking 🫂🫂❤️❤️

(also apologies i am stoned and wordy aksndkfgn)

12. Your favourite book

I have a few answers for this one, but narrowed it down to the one I'm saving up to buy a new copy of eventually: Last Night at the Lobster by Stewart O'Nan.

It's fairly short, and the story subjects/setting are modern and mundane (or at least that's the critique i see leveled at it a lot, tho to me like. That's part of the punch of the entire book, but they can have their opinions, incorrect tho they may be lol), but like. the first time i read it, it just Did Something to me lmao. Part of it was the customer service experience thing, tho different industries (library at the time for me compared to restaurant in the book), and the experience in it of feeling like/having it confirmed that you, as an employee, are continually being handed more and more stress and responsibility for less reward, but you can't just drop it bc you like/tolerate your coworkers, and even on the days they piss you off, you want the best for them. And then the fallout of when a decision comes down from above your level that's shit for everyone, but you're left bearing the brunt of it from coworkers and customers alike. Very relatable, very realistically written to the point it almost makes you squirm.

The characters are all well written and realistic too; you wind up feeling like you could walk into this Lobster right now and talk to all these ppl irl, easily. That makes it just as hard at the ending to say goodbye tbh, and that's given it massive reread value for me (i think since i first read it end of HS I've since managed a reread every year to every other year. I actually accidentally packed away my copy when moving and it's been killing me not being able to do a reread rn, but i want to wait until i can have my own copy to keep again.)

Anyway i think most libraries should have it, and it's not a horribly expensive ebook, so if ur looking for a sign to read Last Night at the Lobster, this is it 🙌❤️🦞

15. Do you remember your last dream

Kind of? Tbh I passed out really hard earlier (still not sleeping amazingly with the back lol) and vaguely recall the weird, fever dreamish stuff my brain was throwing at me. That consisted of what i believe to be, ongoing all at once in the same room:

-a Tom Waits concert, with him holding but not playing an accordion

-a Bob Geldof interview, except it was Bob as he looked in the 90s

-a fire, which everyone who wasn't listening to Tom or Bob were attempting to put out by passing exactly one bucket back and forth to the inexplicable bar sink that sort of appeared and disappeared at will

Everything else was too much of a blur, but those bits really stuck out lmao 😂

34. Something old

I like this question, weirdly enough, bc I'm not one hundred percent sure how to answer it. It's vague, so i think I'm safe to interpret it kinda.. however?

(if i have that wrong tho do pls lemme know, I won't be offended and will re-answer this one if that's the case lol)

In terms of something old, I keep thinking abt my grandparents old house, even tho it's silly to do so (the thing has been sold for months now.)

Thing of it is, as of the last rare phone convo i had with my grandparents, it sounds like they really regret selling. The lack of stairs at the new place is better for their joints but like. They clearly miss the old one, the unique things that made it theirs and familiar.

Grandpa in particular mentioned a few things specific to the house that he misses, but the one that took me out was abt a bit of painted wood in the front doorway. When i was like. 6? 7? old enough to know better but still stupid enough to do it, i wrote my (dead) name on that bit of doorway, in pencil. For whatever reason, they couldn't ever get it to erase much at all, and never painted over it despite talking abt it a lot (they were soooo pissed at me the day i did it and the months after lmao), so it was still there when they sold the house.

And Grandpa tells me he wishes he would have bought some wood scraps, torn out just that bit of the doorway, and then fixed it and repainted it. Says he would have had someone reframe the whole door if needed. He even has a little shelf where he's been putting grandkid related knick knacks, that he'd put it on, apparently.

Couldn't tell him bc emotions and being that vulnerable are difficult for him, so i never want to push when he's opening up to me like that, but goddamn if he didn't make me cry with that, and i wanted to tell him how sweet it was, and that i miss the house too.

I miss that whenever Housemate and i make it back to visit ND, i won't be able to show aer the house i basically grew up in. I won't be able to show off the shed my grandpa built, say hi to Sally (mum's passed on cat from years ago, buried in the backyard with her name carved by grandpa into the wood barrier between the rock/gravel area and the bottom of the shed), lay in the backyard together under the huge tree while we snack and sip drinks (bc grandma doesn't let anyone leave the house without being fed if she can help it.) I won't get to show that spot by the front door, or show all the other million little quirky things that made the house so lovely.

If i have my way, age of the house and my own age at the time be damned, whenever I've made enough money to do it and have plenty left over, I'd love to buy the house myself. Not to live in all the time (jfc absolutely NOT i love the house but not ND lol), but to have for like. Maybe summer trips? there's enough room we could pick up friends in the area and have them come stay in the house too, tbh. I don't like the idea of it sitting empty whenever i wouldn't be there, so maybe I'd offer it to the cousins rent free to share? Take turns staying there, maybe help grandma and grandpa back to see it now and again. Idk. I just always dreamed of buying the dang thing, even if i never wanted to permanently stay in ND (and still v much do not want that, I like CT far better.)

46. Are you excited for anything

A few things rn! Housemate helped me save up enough and is going with me to see Avatar this month, and it'll be my first full show of theirs, and Housemate's first time seeing them at all!! (my first time seeing them they were just opening for Trivium lmao, so it was amazing!! but a bit of a cut down set list/overall thing, u know? didn't stay for Trivium's entire set but they were lovely too!)

We've also got several little weekend trips partially planned out: Mystic, a local flea market, a couple different beaches, getting up to York and over to Newport, plus maybe the big E and the ren faire in the fall!! I don't know if we'll manage all of it over the next few months, but I'm excited for whatever we get to!

Apologies I'm quite toasty so I'm feeling overwhelming positive for once, so i do have more! I sent a job app in to an OD office in the local costco, for a fairly chill seeming reception role, and I'm really hoping they'll want me. It seems a small enough office to be calmer than my old one, and that it's OD only and not an MD/OD office makes me feel a lot better abt it too (eye surgeons are amazing, they can do amazing wonderful things, i am grateful for them all. however. im also 97% sure 5 out of the 10 i know personally could hit me with their car and not blink, the god complex thing some surgeons have gets SO amped with this speciality in my experience, it's WILD, but I digress.)

My back is slowly getting better too (tho I've been humbled again the last few days in the nights and early mornings, it's still very angry at those times), so I'm also just looking forward to like. Being able to move more again. Standing up to do the dishes without my back spasming. Maybe even leaving the house again and doing one of the fun things noted above, tho i know i shouldn't rush it or my back will humble me again without a second thought lmaoooo 😅)

#text post #ask box things #long post #tagging that just to b safe with my wordy self lmao #tw animal death #for brief mention of a past pet passing

[neopuppy]

I went to the Dallas show too and everyone I talked to said the GA situation was mess. I had seated tickets so it wasn't that bad for my friend and I, but our friend in GA said the line/fast pass situation was insane.

I was so ready to be bias wrecked by renjun but jaemin just wouldn't let it happen

I high-key want to see the dreamies again

MANNNNNNN i wont get into it abt the line drama too much, idc what they venue said either it was 1000% their fault. As someone who was raised by armys to smarten up abt how kpop works when I first got into it I rly never wanted to do a GA crowd again after how wings tour went down💀😅 but 7dream……

the whole everyone show up at the same time to get in line without any staff to handle how it goes is the venues fault, they were letting people get crushed, smothered and injured just bc we’re “kpop stans and the worst fandom they have ever had to deal with.” and then going on twitter to make fun of us 💀 also idc what anyone says there are a group of 20-30 foreign girls cutting lines at every stop and will not allow anyone to talk to them rationally. There are also about 15-20 American fans doing the same thing- thinking they control front of the line and saying the most ridiculous shit…..unfortunately most of them are Haechan stans too. They make it harder for the rest of us bc they were acting crazy as fuck, everyone else I met was pretty normal and calm😭 but those people were rly insane and staking out the venue by hiding in bushes/trees and piles of dirt the nights before. GA crowds need to be abolished bc some of these people are just abnormal.

idk I have been to well over 50 kpop concerts and ykw, Dreamzens are the worst. like, hands down the worst fandom experiences I have had irl have been in Neo City, they rly do have some of THE worst sasaengs I have ever encountered and it’s not limited to Asian fans, a ton of Western fans have adapted that behavior. It’s rly weird and sad to see.

BUT!!!!! None of that can deter from how fun and amazing the concert was oh my god I love them so much I almost cried a few times I’m ngl, like I’m not that person but NCT Dream mean a lot to me(despite how awful the fandom is, online AND irl), I heavily deep-dived Dream during the pandemic/lockdown and they in many ways became my safe space throughout the mental strain covid put me through(and still does). Their music and them in general bring me more comfort than I realized, like finally getting to see them all together felt idk….. I felt happy again, like my heart was full. It was so nice, I’m crying just thinking abt it, I love them so much bfjwixidcn.

I have really been getting over kpop and very disheartened with it ever since lockdown restrictions have been lifted(even prior bc the way kpop was moving during the pandemic made me pull back big time). Concert etiquette is lost, younger/new generation fans are the most disrespectful and entitled pieces of shit literally ruining the fun, and people are more insane than ever……like I cannot handle this culture of newer fans that truly believe they will become y/n and get an NDA by acting like a wild animal and holding up not only stupid signs but also crossing lines between fan/artists.

There are more problems in this fandom beyond Judy(iykyk) for example, but the fact that people enable her delusion by saying she is pretty and they aren’t doing much to shove her away. SHE READS MY JENO FICS LIKE THE REST OF Y’ALL……. She is not fucking anyone in NCT and its sick how even the fandom has no respect for these artists as human beings

Like I have traveled for many concerts now, and it is 1000% extremely easy to not stalk or ‘conveniently’ show up at the same place as kpop idols. People with the same flights/hotel/at the same restaurant/off-schedule events etc etc are going out of their way to harass these idols.

The whole experience of being a kpop fan is an everyday struggle for me bc on one hand I love these artists for their work and talent so much, on the other hand being associated with fans who act like wild animals that were raised by apes is sooooooo humiliating and not in a nice kinky way either.

I keep saying this is my last year with anything kpop idk. I just wanted to see the neos a few more times in concerts bc they rly do have the funnest concerts imo, but something rly shifted after lockdown, bitches went too crazy fr. I wanna go back to 2019 when concerts were more abt having fun with your parasocial friends and less abt getting attention lmao. Ok I ranted butttttttt yeah. Asking for kpop stans to act somewhat normal is…..outlandish I suppose.

Hopefully the next time I see the Dreamies will be more pleasant! I know this arena is much safer and more prepared for kpop stans bc they handled enhypen’s crowd rly well when I saw them there. Either way I’m going to have fun! Hope everyone stays safe💚

#asks #not putting a read more cut bc I said what I said #the things people have been doing this tour is down right EMBARRASSING

[kimtaegis]

random question, but do you also feel like "man, i use my cellphone so much, i'm addicted to it, it's literally an extension of my body and i wish i used it only for minimal things, i wish that i was too busy living and having fun to even think about using it"

but then the person i am today wouldn't exist if it wasn't for my phone. it's true, in my childhood i was alerady totally immersed in it and growing up (today i'm 20) everything that i've learned was through my phone. the opinions i have with me and everything that i've learned about life and society and such came with the internet. if i hadn't had it, i wouldn't have known 90% of the things i know. it's a scary thought, but it's totally true

then again, without my phone, i wouldn't have been able to read the things i've read so far, i wouldn't have been able to listen to music (my favorite thing to do since i was younger), i wouldn't have learned english, i wouldn't have met BTS and i wouldn't have access to their songs and all their contents. and i can't even imagine my life without them (as all armys say, but it's just so true)

isn't it insane how something that is your biggest addiction and brings you so many problems is also your greatest source of learning and comfort? :(

what are the odds that you sent me this not even two days after I had talked about this for the first time with my irl friends??? that’s kind of crazy.

I understand that you feel torn about it. you seem to be a smart, self-reflective young person, both sides of your thought process are totally reasonable and they can absolutely co-exist! you can still yearn for a life that’s not ruled as much by any kind of technology while also acknowledging how it shaped you as a person, and not in a bad way at all. I pretty much said the same things you did to my friends last weekend, it’s baffling. and aren’t those all really great things? it’s not like you’re just mindlessly scrolling through brain-rotting tiktok videos, you said yourself that you’re talking to people, educate yourself, enjoy music etc etc. you’re actually enriching your life, I think that’s the important thing to point out here. but the most important thing remains to not forget that there is a life outside out of your phone as well. actual people around you. nature. restaurants, cafés, parks, cinemas, your friend’s house, museums, concerts and the list goes on. find a balance that works for you, and I hope that there’re places and activities that make you not want to look at your phone for a bit because they’re more important or enjoyable in that moment 🤍

#anon #annie’s mail #goodnight!