#and is so VALIDATING

[windydrawallday]

One of my other favorite things about shipping fictional characters and making stories with them is telling experiences that go beyond the usual perfect "these two meet and become OTP in the instant" and/or are planned to be OTP at the end of the road. I mean, I'm the crazy shipper that can pair even a bunch of characters that barely mention each other meeting off-camera in canon x'D

But I find fascinating these types of scenarios that are "less perfect" and full of bumps on the road: those of beings that find themselves in need of rebuilding again a bridge of feelings that was severed by death (and even separation, a little "dead" still alive but not with you anymore in their lives).

In contrast to the usual "encounters destined to end together" here experiences are already tainted with grief and a sense of resignation… but at the same time, questioning if it will be possible for these experiences to serve any other purpose after these events. "The Love after the Love" (a spanish song I had on repeat all this week) it's what I like to call it.

And I think it can become one of the most hopeful scenarios to play around with because it is very real and something that could happen even to OTPs "Happy Ever After"'s…

[TW/CW for mentioning a real person's death and grieving]

I need to put in parallel a personal family experience about this same theme: I always remember dearly one of my uncles from my mother's side of the family who had a partner, and they looked SO PERFECT together. Good, sweet, hardworking people. Never saw sadness in their faces, always sharing trips and plans together… I almost fell envious of their sons and daughters for having such perfect parents haha

Until my aunt died during bad electricity management in her laundromat shop. I never saw a man as sad and emotionally destroyed as my uncle. It was plain painful to see him, like a ghost haunting his own home. We tried to support him during that first year of grieving until we saw he was ready to go on his own.

Then, after another year, he confessed to us (I was always happy he confided in my side of the family) that he was seeing a new partner but that he wasn't sure if keep doing it. We asked why to him, and the answer, to this day I think, is one of those that I have carved deeply on my memory: because he felt he was unrespecting his past partner.

This memory feels a bit fuzzy for me right now (this was… idk 12 years ago now?!) but I can remember clearly my mother telling him that he needed to stop feeling guilty for something that was out of his control (the death of his partner) and to think in his own happiness too. That for sure aunt would have approved of him living on because she knew he is a very lovely man full of love who deserves to not let that love die with her memory.

That it will be harder to start over, that's a given. But if he felt the need to build that bridge again but in a different direction, why hold it back?

And that experience became one more brick in my life that cemented for me that love doesn't die… once. Or it can't be killed on that first try. You will build many bridges, burn half of them, seeing part of them fall from catastrophes out of your control. But I can assure you you will always find a way to build a bridge again.

Not just because of a partner, or a new partner, or a partner after that one. Because we all hold a love so great it's unfair to let death be the end of it.

Before death definitely arrives to snatch your heart, keep loving. For the sake of love. Love is worth the effort, the pain, and the lessons.

Because loving is living. And living is a daring thing to do, to spit against death and say "My heart still beats, still exists, still feels".

That's the reason why I like putting these scenarios in fiction to. Again, I'm a sucker for angst too, and seeing a pairing endure death and separation but this? Letting my beloveds find a way out of the past, accepting that they are still living and worthy of finding someone that loves them even when carrying these broken parts, to share their most dear experiences with them? That's my jam, so much!

And if that's not the most hopeful message you can leave to this world, I will buy a hat and eat it.

PS One more additional note: with this, I want to validate too that a "Love after Love" never EVER loses its value after the first time: love just gets STRONGER!

#windy squeals #cw death mention #death mention cw #cw grief #grief cw #please dont let me buy a hat and less eat it #no but seriously: its a little funny so far this become the year of “grieving love” for me #i got a friend thats dealing with a heartbreak another thats dealing with cutting ties with old friends #and here i am playing that same theme of Love after the Love in fiction has a way to lowkey cope too with my own past loss #and is so VALIDATING #THERES MORE LOVE AFTER DEATH AFTER CUTTING TIES AFTER THE PAIN AND THE SEPARATION #im all sappy right now orz #ill make some tea and eat my chocolate cookies i saved for today #another addemdum to the last PS #and my reason to keep shipping characters after shipping other characters #i dont believe love dies with one OTP #my beloveds deserve to find love and be loved again #i think thats a more beautiful ending for them than just plain letting them grieve forever #and that it doesnt need to be a new pairing either to fill that ending #it can be a found family or a friendship/brotherhood of friends #love has no limits so imagination either!

[serendipetite]

talked to my therapist today and ordered a medical alert necklace for my autism and some cards for my wallet. she's encouraged me to embrace the things available to me to make my world safer and easier for me. there was an incident a few years ago where a panic attack was mistaken for a heart issue, wrong medication was given that almost stopped my heart, and my mother was not allowed with me to help me or advocate for me. i never want to feel that unsafe and out of control over myself and care again. this will help tremendously with that i'm sure!

#my therapist has been the biggest help #and is so validating #like i was all worried that those weren't for me #and she was like 'no!! embrace accomodations and what you need to to feel safe!!' #it just feels like a weight was lifted off me

[qiinamii]

we'll do fine.

#fionna and cake spoilers #what hits me a little is how similar fionna and simon's stories are in the case of finding nuance in their lives #when both have gone through their separate but still valid pain no matter the extent it had been #and its that they met each other they get to see how it compares and they're no less worth of the peace and fun they dreamed of #even in the form of simplicity and just being normal #“i wouldn't have met THE fionna and cake” “we wouldn't have met THE simon petrikov” #it hits me harder that after the dandelion scene would've been their last time seeing each other physically #and how assuring simon sounded when fionna didn't know what to do with the literal world in her hands #tho im sure prismo isnt that much of a rule jerk lol i still drew out the revelation anyway with this tiniest addition #also the fact fionna's world is influenced by simon's thought processes and conditions so now things are a little better for both of them #fionna the human #fionna campbell #simon petrikov #qiiarts #the lil flashback of #betty grof #fionna and cake #adventure time

[jq37]

You gotta hand it to Fig. All of the Bad Kids were given foils this season and they got to decide how much they wanted to engage with that part of the plot. Gorgug only interacted with Mary Ann in passing despite them both being on the Owlbears. Fabian noped out of chatting up Ivy once she crossed a line with Mazey. Riz was so busy that he truly had no time to engage with Kipperlilly even though she's obsessed with him. Kristen interacted a bit with Buddy but spent way more time verbally sparring with Kipperlilly. And Adaine was somewhat interested in Oisin but never overtly acted on it.

But Fig?

She's in Ruben's WALLS. She's in his DREAMS. She's faking her alter emo's death. She's got the Fantasy FBI after her. She's SO SO tiny. No one is doing it like Fig's doing it.

#dimension 20 #fantasy high #d20 #spoilers #dimension 20 spoilers #fantasy high spoilers #i wish we'd gotten more rat grinder stuff in general just to have a better read on them #but ooh man emily axford MVP on this front #fig faeth #the bad kids are valid for prioritizing their friends over the party of haters #but it's still so funny that they en masse were like eh except for Fig who was like I'm gonna haunt this gnome

[slfcare]

ten years ago you were so scared of such different things, but you survived them anyway. the same goes for five years ago and two years ago. everything that has ever felt like a hurdle, you’ve passed through. so be afraid, identify your fears, and then allow yourself to remember that in just a little while, this will be another thing that you have overcome.

#fear is okay! #and so are you #i have two interviews next week for a 6month grad internship </3 #free encouragement #self care #self love #positivity #positive #positive suggestions #positive thinking #suggestions #suggestion #comfort kindness family #self validation

[sga-owns-my-soul]

reblog to give ur mutuals a soft lil kissy on the head

#i can't reblog this from everyone so this is just me giving all my mutuals a soft lil kissy on the head #if u see this #*muah* #soft lil kissy on the head #and if u don't want one u can have a head pat #or i can lovingly send soft lovey vibes your way #all options are valid #idk i just #need to spread some love today #i'm tired and sad and stressed #so i'm giving u all some love #bc i need to fill myself with more of it #love u all hope u have/are having a good day #mutuals #not stargate

[maxgicalgirl]

Being a “Fun Fact !” kind of autistic is all fun and games until you get halfway through sharing an interesting tidbit and realize that it probably wasn’t appropriate to share in polite company and now you have to deal with the consequences :(

#autism #neurodivergent #adhd #fun facts #GOD I’m such an idiot #anyways now a 10 year old is out there looking up swear words online and it’s all my fault :( #I got so excited by the fact that I knew a fun fact #that I didn’t stop to think that maybe not everyone knows that fun fact for a reason :( #it’s like explaining how to successfully bury a body at a book club #or explaining the dangers of Scientology to your sister’s boyfriend the first time you meet him #or debating gay sex positions with your best friend in front of your mom #no matter how much I wish to be a beacon of knowledge in this world #sometimes there are things others just don’t want to know #and consciously that’s valid but the autism ? I does not care

[blueboyluca]

“When I first heard it, from a dog trainer who knew her behavioral science, it was a stunning moment. I remember where I was standing, what block of Brooklyn’s streets. It was like holding a piece of polished obsidian in the hand, feeling its weight and irreducibility. And its fathomless blackness. Punishment is reinforcing to the punisher. Of course. It fit the science, and it also fit the hidden memories stored in a deeply buried, rusty lockbox inside me. The people who walked down the street arbitrarily compressing their dogs’ tracheas, to which the poor beasts could only submit in uncomprehending misery; the parents who slapped their crying toddlers for the crime of being tired or hungry: These were not aberrantly malevolent villains. They were not doing what they did because they thought it was right, or even because it worked very well. They were simply caught in the same feedback loop in which all behavior is made. Their spasms of delivering small torments relieved their frustration and gave the impression of momentum toward a solution. Most potently, it immediately stopped the behavior. No matter that the effect probably won’t last: the reinforcer—the silence or the cessation of the annoyance—was exquisitely timed. Now. Boy does that feel good.”

— Melissa Holbrook Pierson, The Secret History of Kindness (2015)

#dog books #this chapter was very sad reading #when you become aware of punishment #and its use and its prevalence #it's hard not to despair #again this is why positive reinforcement feels like absolution #maybe now my eyes are open I can make up for what I did #what I did because it's what everyone does #because it's more acceptable to punish than to do anything else #I've been having so many thoughts about punishment and society and justice #this book was very validating #another great validating moment in my jumbled thoughts #was listening to the You're Wrong About episode on justice #with Amanda Knox #it helped to ease the despair a little

[thriftdyke]

it really does bother me how no one can seem to answer the question “what even is romantic attraction, really.” like some people are like “it’s who you wanna kiss and cuddle <3” and I’m like ok well kisses and cuddles can be either sexual or platonic depending on context. “It’s who you feel passion/desire/arousal for” well that just sounds like sexual attraction which you can have without even knowing somebody so I fail to see how that’s romantic. “It’s who you want to go on dates with” I go on dates with friends all the time plus “date” is a social construct anyway there’s really no innate difference between a date and hanging out. “it’s who you have deep feelings for” great news for you that can be literally any type of relationship. my friend told me she defined it as “who you wanna give roses to” and I’m like do u hear urself??? like the more I talk to people the more I’m convinced romance and romantic attraction is an elaborate socially fabricated illusion that has no real defining characteristics. and like there’s nothing Wrong with it being a constuct but why people are so attached to defending the supremacy of it is something I cannot for the life of me figure out

#like reading this u might be like ‘sounds like ur just aromantic sis’ but I’m like. listen. #ur missing my point. which is that I literally think romance Does Not Exist #at least not in this bioessentialist way people like to pretend it does #the desire for companionship and the desire for sex are biological drives. everything else is a social construct #which doesn’t mean its bad! or not valid! or anything like that! #but I’m just genuinely do not understand Why we are so bent on treating it like gospel

[bigfatbreak]

Birds of a Feather previous / next

#my art #feralnette au #birds of a feather #long tags #sorry I went apeshit in the tags #LETS SAY IT ALL TOGETHER NOW #I - M - A - G - OOOOOOOOO #its fun drawing marinette's back to Alya and having her appear stout and unstoppable and totally logical #and then you see her face and she's like two seconds from completely snapping and is keeping it together by a thread #as a note just because mari feels very certainly abt smth doesnt mean she's right. feelings can be valid and also irrational #in the throes of grief she decided it was better to be alone than to lose someone again so she started pulling away #and lila made pulling away very very very easy to do #shes also vaguely aware she's being unfair in pinning this on alya which is why she started spinning the drain on cockmoth again #legitimately all the shit that's happened to her wouldn't have been so catastrophic if he was never in the picture and she knows it #but the bitterness of her bestie choosing a fantastic liar over her at the worst of times stiiiiiings #alya's personal timing was bad but lila really took advantage of the fact that marinette had been acting off and weird #she basically clocked marinette as being unstable from SOMETHING and made up a lie about her #knowing she wouldn't have the strength to defend herself #between her social life going tachy bc of lila and losing fu in a way that felt like personhood death marinette was really put on the spot #and alya doing her thing of busting in there and assuming her bias is correct was a terrible combo #essentially marinette is highly unstable and alya is just realizing that #busting in and giving her a lecture when she's slightly hysterical and definitely delirious from exhaustion is NOT the way #to show her she's self sabotaging #cuz thats just gonna make her double down on self sabotaging. bc marinette will not accept that she is also a CHIIIIILD

[fell-contract]

Check Day Checkpoint 🔒

#not face #gay #hit a new max so requesting validation

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[inkskinned]

hey btw if you're in the USA at  2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.

if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.

additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.

i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."

"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.

#watching ppl go from being like ''support neurodivergent ppl~~!" #to being like ''if this is going to give u a panic attack ur fuckken stupid'' #like..... gets me #yeah man. i know im going to be triggered by it . in the old fashioned term. it is GOING to give me a panic attack. it's pretty much certai #and i shouldn't have to tell u about what i have survived for you to be okay with that. #you can just trust that i ALSO don't want me to react to it. i'm not gonna be having a FUN time. #dismissing that bc you think it's stupid.... like is the whole problem. #these sounds are workshopped by entire teams of people to get you to pay attention and move quickly. #they arent meant to be fun and exciting. #OBVIOUSLY it's gonna set ppl off. #but yeah there's something so fuckken demeaning about ppl being like. well that trigger isn't valid bc u haven't undergone X #dude i have ptsd bc i was abused as a child. like plain and simple. the fact im 30 and afraid of the dark tells you how bad it was. #i shouldn't have to ask u for permission to be mentally ill. #the reason it's a fucking disorder and not a fucking choice is that I DO NOT CONTROL IT. #like how is it any different from when ppl are like ''oh public speaking isn't that scary'' like FOR YOU #for YOU this isn't scary. now if i could fucking eat my own amygdala...

[cassandragemini]

its so crazy that for the last 5 years a small but annoyingly vocal online group has been acting like mob movies of all things are pretentious and inaccessible cinema. yeah the godfather is kinda slow but these are movies about criminals who shoot people

#that family guy bit is right it does insist upon itself but it has a valid point to insist etc etc #crow.txt #side note if you do wanna watch a good mob flick and the godfather was a bit too slow for you please watch goodfellas #its one of my favorite films of all time i love it so much #while i do like the godfather and i recognize how important it was for film history i like goodfellas a bit more

[hiveswap]

Going into any fandom maintag:

Random stranger 1: I NEED his cock [most unfuckable character you've ever seen]

Random stranger 2: hehe cringe doodle [art that belongs in the louvre]

Random stranger 3: dark!divorced!fae!brown eyed!mainguy/reader au where y/n is a horse

Random stranger 4: [explicitly mentally ill character] is so evil. I just don't like him sorry.

Pornbot: pussy wet

Random stranger 5: i need them to cuddle through a cold desert night i need him to break down in tears and i want to be h,

Random stranger 6: i hate shipping [main dude] with [female lead] Obviously the m/m ship is better 😑 btw she is so cool she's the braincell <3 we love a smart queen

Random stranger 7: she's soooo girlie!!! My sweet baby daughter!! [picture of the grown dude protagonist]

Pornbot: literacy rate declining . Fuck my nose

Random stranger 8: [explicitly mentally ill character] is a dog in my au btw :D

#trigun fandom simulator #stranger 5 is valid btw #person 8 is based on someone i saw in the wild btw. im so mad at them

[shapelytimber]

Calypso and the Pink Unicorn's pirate drag show !!!!!

[PRINT] - [COMMISSIONS]

Wee john served so hard it should be illegal 16 dead countless injured, I am dead Calypso was so hot

Process (and my french rant on why I hate the choice of la vie en rose) below vvv

Final without the text

Rough colors

Sketch !

Sorry english people, but what follows is too french an opinion to voice in english (I'll sum it up for u in the end <3)

Ok alors je suis désolé, Con o'Neill chante vraiment très bien ca n'a rien avoir avec sa performance, mais vraiment la vie en rose c pas possible. Le man est sur les champs Elysées a me vendre des tours Eiffel en plastique jpp- Franchement pipe et jambe de bois ca serai mieux passer. Ou les demons de minuit !!!!pourquoi pas les demon de minuit ?????? Chanson hyper connu française. Ok c moins cucu que la vie en rose, mais bonus point plus kinky (je pensais jamais decrire les demons de minuit comme etant kinky mais here we are-)

Ou juste n'importe quoi d'autre-

(And words of wisdom from my evil advisor @quijicroix : légende vivante (de Lorenzo) ça va avec tout. Ou une chanson triste de jul (pas bande organisée, tu peux pas ken dessus). Après tout le monde déteste la police ou nik le front national c les chansons les plus romantiques que je connaisse. Y a santiago aussi, avec le gros mat la. Les trois mâts, pour le steddyhands.)

Tout sauf la fucking vie en rose pitier (meme si, encore une fois, Con o'Neill la chante vraiment bien)

Welcome back english people ! To sum it up : la vie en rose is a french song for tourists that set up a fight or flight reaction in every native speaker. I'm glad people enjoyed this, but I cannot describe the cringe and disappointment I felt when they decided to have him sing this song- (even tho he sings it beautifully (which is part of the disappointment))

They are SO MUCH love songs in french, why this one.

PS : at this point (ep7) I don't know why Stede is still bothering with Ed "I'm hitting the banks didn't tell him which one" teach, when Izzy hands is right there ????? Sir please open your eyes

#I've never felt so validated by a show in my life #eat shit izzy haters !!!!!! How does it feel to loose this hard ?? hehehe #If you saw me post this with a huge typo in the title #No u did not #our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd spoilers #ofmd season 2 #ofmd s2 #izzy hands #wee john feeney #wee john ofmd #izzy hands ofmd #drag show #drag queens #ofmd s2 ep6 #pirates #digital painting #illustration #art #my art #digital art #fanart #ofmd fanart #israel hands #prints