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#and if i try to force myself when i feel bad it's just gets worse and worse
the---hermit · 3 days
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28|04|2024
I rarely journal on Sundays because it's my rest day of the week so I don't get much done. Today I didn't get much done either but my head is full of thoughts and this is a good way to let them out, as well as to remind myself that bad days happen and it's okay. To be fair the whole week was bad, and I am still in a ill mood. The weather is not helping at all, it feels like it's November with so much rain and cold, and I have no energy whatsoever. I did take the day to rest, I finished the book I was reading, read some comics, listened to comforting podcasts. I did everything that usually makes me happy but my mood didn't improve, it just got worse as the day went by. I have been feeling nauseous and sick all day and anxious and I don't know if my bad mood comes from my body being unwell or if it's the other way around. I decided to give myself the freedom to decide last minute if this week I want to atten to lectures. It would be a short week made of only two lectures overall, and I decided to skip them I am just going to sens an email to the professor asking her if there's materials I can read to fill in what I miss in class. Part of me wants to force me going no matter what, but I am trying to learn how to listen to my body and look for alternatives when I can. We'll see what tomorrow me will feel and what I'll decide to do.
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tiredfoxtf · 2 months
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If one more person on youtube will tell me to visualize something to be a better artist, I WILL cry. Ugly.
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yououghtaknow · 1 year
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biting and killing and biting and killing
#just need to vent a little. here we are in the tags as per usual.#SO my avoidance of people has gotten A Lot Worse Lately#and my severe fear of rejection is making it so i can't even mention i got tickets to a concert some of my friend are going to in our gc#because i feel like that's Wrong and Bad and will make me Evil if i do it#because i'm stealing attention and manipulating them into spending time with me#which i can recognise is. a bit of an irrational response.#but i'm just SO FRUSTRATED with myself#i haven't told like half of my friends i'm moving in two weeks because i haven't seen them irl#and whenever i talk to people in real life i chronically overshare and cannot force myself to shut up and it's BAD#no matter what way i do it i always end up doing it wrong#i just want to Connect with people and Be with them but i can't do it!!!!#my social anxiety is still So Bad and i'm beginning to think it may be a part of a bigger issue#i've been questioning having avpd (avoidant personality disorder) for a while and i'm gonna talk to my therapist about it when i see him#because i have been Repeatedly Validated that it is Okay to talk to my friends but i physically can't do it without having a panic attack#and that!!! is something i want help with!!! because it feels bad!!! but i can't Reach Out!!!!!!!!!!!!#luckily i have plans to see a lot of them irl on wednesday so hopefully i can talk about some of this stuff then#but until then i just have to exist in my silly little isolation purgatory#at least i'm rewatching rvd and it's so good. currently on killing thee mr honey#i think i will go get a little snack and keep watching my show and do some uquizzes and then try to sleep#i had like a 3 hour nap today so it's okay to be up a little late#this has fully just turned into me journalling but it's okay this is my blog
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gentlethorns · 1 month
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i hate being mentally ill and i especially hate that it's triggered by stress. it's like once things start dogpiling on me my own brain jumps in to join the fun and i'm like ??? stop???
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mingoosgf · 5 months
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Trying to be active on tumblr really backfires all the time ☹️
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milo-is-rambling · 10 months
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Apparently you have to eat more than half a serving of Mac and cheese, two shots of daytime cold medicine, and half a can of monster when you’re recovering from a cold or else you feel worse
#eating some Mac and cheese left overs from this morning and took some bites of the pizza my brother made and only ate two pieces of and then#didn’t want any more like >:(#HE CHOSE WHEN IM SICK TO MAKE THE PIZZA I LIKE#I grabbed two pieces on a plate and they will probably stay on that plate until tomorrow#maybe I’ll pick at them idk#I took four bites of pizza and a couple bites of Mac and cheese and now all I want to do is nap#I am exhausted I hate being sick I hate being sick and on my period I hate being sick on my period and trying to go to work anyways#I am embarrassed !!! I was literally talking to a customer and then was like hey jasmine im gonna go take five in the break room I just got#really dizzy and she said you can take 15 that’s fine and I apologized to the customer and then was miserable until my body relaxed and I#went back up front and went hey how badly do you need me tonight and she was like let me get two things done and then you can head out#I love my new job#📤#my old job was so understaffed that I was the only person in the building like if I felt sick I went in anyways it was miserable#I feel bad for calling out and leaving early two out of three days I work this week like gahhhh I hate myself for it but obviously I need it#my body is literally like bitch if you will not rest I will force you to fucking rest#I have just been knocked on my ass this week I am so exhausted but my brain is awake but it’s not all here like it won’t shut up but nothing#makes any since I think that’s the caffeine I think I made everything worse thinking I could just power through it#but I was so close to falling asleep before work#you see looking back there were many signs I simply ignored bc I didn’t want to call out again
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dexaroth · 11 months
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been having this bizarre relationship with art lately. i feel.. numb to it. it's surprising in a way bc now everytime i see something i know by gut feeling that i like i think 'huh. a tertiary palette. flat angle. somewhat dynamic pose. the idea is there. its really that simple? to make something good? just some lines and a situation?' and stuff along these lines. like looking at a painting and wondering why blotches of paint arranged in a certain manner somehow made me feel something.
like ill look at an absolutely stunning drawing i love so much and i'll be able to theorize to a good extent the techniques used to make it look that good and it kind of. sucks the magic out of it? its like the drawing dies to me. it becomes.. Just A Thing. its a set of gestures and strokes now. i lose part of the thought process of trying to find meaning on something and by extent the meaning of the drawing itself also vanishes with it
its something ive been experiencing with other ppls art for like what. a month, maybe more? but its also been affecting my own bc now i cant even bring myself to like anything that i do, let alone start a drawing. theyre not drawings anymore theyre 'just a dude sitting in an emo pose'. its like i looked too deep into the abyss and the abyss sucked my soul out of me in return and i came back horribly wrong from the whole experience
i guess it started with fantasazing about making a game and going Well, every game needs a story! and then Well. you need a Good story, with conflicts n such! and i looked back at the stories of games and it kind of dawned on me that stories are just a bunch of information bunched together that overlaps. its a bunch of situations. i dont have any good examples but my jerboa avatar reminded me of ratatouille so like. ratatouille.. its just rat has poor family. chef has shit job. they cross paths. both have their needs. then other characters come along and contribute their part to it. then the rest of the movie happens (its been years since i watched it sorry lol) and thats the part that gets me.. these bunches of. situations. were entertaining to watch and engaging. How. what makes something interesting? what makes something be more creative? its just *plot A* interacting with *plot B*! i could overlap a bunch of settings myself but that doesnt mean it'd make a good story. somehow. it seems so simple...
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m-a-d-e-l-e-i-n-e · 1 year
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(CW for fighting and abuse in case anyone doesn’t want to read that)
My mom and my brother fight and yell at each other so often that now I hear my mom threatening to either call the cops so he can end up in juvenile hall or drive off and leave the house herself 😃 I love how she divorced my shitty verbally and physically abusive father over five years ago but the fighting never ended and I still always get just as scared as when I was a weak and helpless child!!! ❤️
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Ok it's really really bad tonight
I feel so sick it's hard to breathe
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writella · 6 months
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The Confession
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Synopsis: Confessions shared with the wrong person gone so sinfully right.
Details: rick grimes x reader, afab!reader, smut—masturbation, unprotected sex, riding, both rick and reader being desperate in the dark. I made the exact reason for the confession and occasion very vague. 18+, wc: 2.6k. Proof read, but there might be some errors.
A/N: Not sure how much I like this one, but I had this idea back in early October and I wanted to finish it and give you guys something after a whole month.
I miss you, I’m sorry. Hope you’re all well!! With love from writella. ♡
Your voice is solemn and heavy as you sigh before starting, “I don’t do this very often,” you say, “I hope this is okay.” Your eyes lowering shamefully as you stop. It’s only the first sentence and you’re finding it hard to continue. It’s almost as if there are needles piercing into your throat. “I just feel so embarrassed,” you admit.
Then you pause.
No response from him comes after.
Only silence fills the dark and hallow space of the wooden confession box. Only your thoughts, every creak you made on the built-in bench, and the light wind that rustled from the cracked door were heard.
You wait a second longer.
Hoping.
But still, nothing.
Part of you was suspecting that Gabriel would have been more inviting, telling you it’s okay; and doing so with his kind and gentle voice, but he wasn’t. He wasn’t doing anything it seemed. You only saw the silhouette of his face when you walked inside— the outline of a nose and mouth, really. He seemed to be sitting as far from the small barred window as he could, but you didn’t dare look again. You didn’t even turn on the light fixture in the corner. Your fear was all too big, and his unwavering quietness made it worse.
Maybe you had come at the wrong time, maybe you interrupted him. You almost wanted to ask. But maybe confessions happened in complete silence… you didn’t know anymore, but at this point, you were hoping so. You had already wasted five minutes and managed only one sentence. Perhaps he heard the fear in your voice and was just trying to be a good listener… yes, maybe, you pretend as you urged yourself to start again:
You breathe in sharply, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.” The words come out in an uneasy, hushed whisper. “It happens a lot and I know it’s wrong. And you’re probably going to look at me differently after this, but I have to tell someone so I can stop.”
Your eyes screw shut, the next phrase coming out jumbled and continuous as you try to explain yourself quickly: “I’ve journaled about it and told myself it’s wrong but it’s not helping.” You start to weep, almost laughing at yourself, “I feel so stupid.”
You sigh and you almost think you hear him do so too, but you keep going.
“I’ve been thinking about someone,” you finally say. “For a long time. And I know it’s bad, I know it, but I do it anyway. It's all I think about.”
Another pause.
You catch your breath.
You wait.
But nothing.
So, you start again.
“I think I love him sometimes.” And if you couldn’t get any more timid, your cheeks flush, and your voice grows quieter, “I like his hair, and his eyes, those button-downs he always wears…” you smile at yourself, these were silly things, “Even his beard.”
And then you hear him shuffle, and a light sound is emitted.
It startles you, but silence ensues again thereafter. Maybe you imagined it.
“I like his kindness too. People would usually say strong or giving, but that’s what I like to tell him— that he’s kind. I think he’s kinder than other people give him credit for. He’s just protective. Everyone, and especially himself, we put a lot of pressure on him to make the hard decisions, but, really…” and there it is, “that's not the only way I think about him. There are things–” your throat tightens again– “ things that I think about. And things that I do.” Your eyes screw tight as you force yourself to say it, “I touch myself.”
Another bout of silence comes before the question.
One you’d never suspect.
“Can you describe it?” The voice asks, dark and curious.
The cool spring air of the night turns cold, but it adds no relief to the summer heat that burns in your heart as it begins to beat painfully. The texture in his voice, the inflection at the end that lined the sentence as a request, it rings through one ear and out the other and back again in a cycle.
You knew who it was.
“What?” You shriek so lightly as if playing dumb would help you now. He knew who you were talking about, you made it so desperately obvious.
“Can you,” he repeats steadily, “describe it?”
“I… shouldn’t.”
“What other better time could there be?” You can’t tell if he truly means it. His voice remains firm and lets out no hints of his true intentions, but despite doubt, you start anyway. He’s right after all, you’re in here because there hasn’t been a better time.
“I- I start by touching up my thighs, trailing up slowly… I always get so nervous… I never do it fast because I know I shouldn’t do it while thinking about you- about him,” you correct yourself, squeezing your thighs together, your hands gripping the bench tightly.
“But you do it anyway.”
“I do,” you reply meekly.
“You can’t help yourself, can you?”
“I can't.”
“What happens when you finally reach all the way up?”
“Gotta touch myself.”
He puts his hands on his knees, making sure his voice stays leveled. “Where do you start?”
“Rubbing my clit.”
“Do it.”
And then you do. You truly can’t help it. Your fingers slide down your hips to the front of your heat, chilly fingers pressing up against your lips over your underwear.
He hears the little sigh as you finally allow your finger to reach your clit in between.
“How does it feel?”
“My fingers are cold right now, so,” a quick breathy laugh leaves you, “ good, really good.” You rub your fingers in slow circles, but your hand and hips jerk, forcing you to speed up, but you try, try to not seem so pathetic to yourself as if there was any attempt at going back now.
His voice’s a slight strain as he asks, “And what do you think about?” He starts to rub his thighs, feeling his cock stir to the side of his jeans, making the material feel tighter than it truly was. His fingers trail closer, knuckles brushing against his erection. He’s pretending like he can stop himself too. “What does he do in your head, sweetheart?”
“He watches,” you say as your movements speed up again. You really can’t help it now, his voice edges you on. Your hand goes under the band of your underwear, fingers collecting wetness below to bring up to your clit, “He’s standing at the edge of the bed,” you tell him, “he’s unbuttoning his shirt, and then he starts taking off his belt… He’s smiling.”
If only you knew that hearing how bad you wanted him was making him do the same thing on the other side.
You’re panting now, one foot comes up to the bench as you slide yourself over to press your back into the corner of the wall, your head tilting back as well, using the assistance to grind into your hand. “He thinks I’m pretty.”
“That's cause are.” He’s lowered his pants now and takes his cock out from under his boxers. Your words make his mouth gape and his eyes close as he begins to stroke himself. “You really are.”
His smile fades as he bites down on his lip lightly. You’re so needy for him and so desperate to admit it. It makes him feel powerful. Almost God-like, despite you both starring as the other’s tempter. So sweet and sinful the sounds you’re making are. How could he not give in? How could he not make you wet for him even at church and stroke his cock as it happens? You’re making it so easy with every whine and little moan you try to withhold. He could hear you getting restless, but he wants to make you want it more, “Keep goin’,” he tells you. “What’s happening now?”
“I put two fingers in,” you whine, “not big enough. Never enough.”
You let your two fingers stay inside you as you press your palm down on your pussy, rubbing your clit with the underside of your hand. You stop for a moment to take off your pants and underwear entirely, discarding it on the floor before you return to your spot. You put one leg up on the bench as you continue to finger yourself.
“I want him so bad.”
“How bad, sweetheart? What would you let him do?”
“Anything, Rick.” You say it louder than you intend, you’re losing yourself. “Anything for him.”
“Anything?”
“Everything.”
After that only nonsense comes out, simple sounds of desire and pleads. It was becoming too much to talk.
Rick felt the same. His hand on his shaft made quick and short movements, his lips parted and pink, more red on the bottom than the top from when bit his lip again at the words anything and everything for him. He repeated it in his mind, listening to your sweet little whines in the present. His head tilts so far back that it bangs on the wooden wall and he hisses.
It reminds him to compose himself.
Even after you let out another moan of his name, and he swears he could almost hear just how wet you are now, the squish of your fingers going in and out, louder and louder.
He swallows hard and takes a breath before he says, “What if I say I want you in here right now?”
That’s when your movements completely stop. You can hear the wind swirling again. You were speechless.
He turns to the netted window. You two can’t see each other but you know he’s looking. “C’mere.” He says slowly. “Now.”
And after that, your body takes control. Swift and instantaneous you move from your door to his, shutting it hard. You don’t even take a moment to look at him, it was too dark anyway, and that’s not what mattered. You’ve already dreamed of his curls, and the pierce of his blue eyes. You knew what he looked like. It’s time to know how he felt.
Rick takes off his shoes and fully lowers and discards his pants. Before he could even consider his shirt, you’re on top of him. You’re kissing his face, your lips and tongue missing his lips by just a little, but it doesn’t matter.
You begin to rock, your wet pussy making the length of his cock and thigh slick before it's even inside of you. You couldn’t help yourself and it makes him laugh, all cocky and proud. Something that you’d cross your arms to, even quip back at in any other situation but right now, it’s so fucking hot.
His hands latch onto your hips, his legs slide back to hit the wall. He raises your frame and you grab him. Your sticky fingers lace around his dick and then you both lower yourself down onto him.
You try to bottom out fast, but his nails dig into you, slowing you down. Your face reaches back with a pout and a whine as he says, “Wait,” even after he’s inside of you.
Your pussy quakes around him. You’re both trying to hold it together, but he’s faring much better than you.
His hand holds your jaw, thumbs caressing your cheeks and a tear falls from your eye, all the sensations becoming too much.
His eyes trail the sight as it rolls down and he tells you, “You’re right. I do think you’re beautiful.”
And he kisses you. Tongue slipping past your lips just as quickly as they depart, going to whisper in your ear: “Go on now,” he smiles, “show me everything.”
You begin to rock against him instantly. Initiating the kiss this time, your tongue slips into his mouth but his goes on top of yours. He grabs the back of your neck, deepening it, and you continue to take charge below as you ride him.
You squeeze around his cock tightly with every movement forward and you hear a strangled groan come out of him as his dick twitches at the sensation.
It makes you moan so loudly, you could wake somebody up.
But it doesn't matter.
You could even come right now just from feeling him inside you for the first time.
And it doesn’t matter.
“I've wanted you for so long, Rick!” You tell him.
He’s all that matters.
“You’ve got me.” He tells you breathlessly, kissing down your neck with his hand tugging on your hair. “You always could’ve.”
Now you know you’re all that matters too.
Your head tilts to the side, eyes closed, and mouth open for each pretty sigh and slight hiss that come out as he bites and kisses.
His hands lower to the hem of your shirt and he pulls it off. You start to undo the buttons on his too.
It’s fast and rushed and messy, but now your chests can meet. You press into him. Your hips are rocking hard. Your clit meets his pelvic bone making you whine and moan again. “Really good,” you say.
Rick’s hands slide to grab your ass, helping you go faster until they rise to your hips again. His thumbs press into the crevice of your hips and legs and he starts to bounce you on him.
You grip onto his arms, assisting him in his efforts. Your eyes are still closed, you’re smiling— already in a state of bliss, yet relishing in the fact that he was pushing you further and further into the dream-like feeling that was to come: your orgasm was close, and the string of airy moans made it evident to you both.
The way his hands move to caress your waist, trail up your back, roll over your arms, and back down again feels like gliding on ice. You felt him everywhere.
“Come on,” he tells you.
“I'm trying, I want to.”
“I know,” he affirms. He takes hold of your upper arms, letting his hands slide down to yours that tightly gripped his biceps and placed them on his shoulders.
You bounce yourself down on him harder, switching it up to rock on him and give your clit attention, then repeat it again.
Once you’re back to bouncing Rick takes one hand on your hip, helping you go faster while the other rubs your clit as vigorously as he can.
Your mouth is open wide, pants and squirms, and pleads coming out wildly. You almost feel like you’re making the whole box jump along with you as you bounce, and bounce, and bounce, and then… there it is: you shout his name and he speaks back to you, you both come together and ride out your high.
A glow emits as you smile, your head crashing into his as you catch your breath.
Then a noise erupts.
The church door closes.
Steps become louder and louder until they reach the open confession box door.
Rick puts his finger to your lips, silently quieting you both. Your eyes are owl wide knowing what the person in the next section would find in there. You almost squirm but Rick slots his finger into your mouth to stop it. “Quiet,” he mouths as the person next to you drops the wet garments they just touched, almost running out of the place as fast as they could.
You lower your face to his shoulder. Embarrassed, you sigh, “What are we gonna do now?”
Rick is unfazed: “Well,” he starts, picking you up by the hips, securing your legs as you wrap them around him, “we could do this one more time.”
He locks the church door and then walks you down the aisle and onto the podium, placing you gently on the ground. He’s standing above you. Just like it all your daydreams.
It was his turn now.
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drowning-in-neon · 2 years
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yeah it’s another vent in the tags post sorry lmao ill try and spam reblog stuff to make up for it
#vents#i've just been missing a lot lately. like. memories and places and people and shit.#i really miss my cat#but i also miss seph (name changed for privacy) like. a lot. and that's almost worse than missing my cat#because at least with her; yeah of course i miss her and it's normal even if it sucks ass but with seph; missing them is almost worse#because i also end up so pissed off that i miss them because jesus christ. i love them so godamn much and things aren't the way they used to#be; which is arguably a good thing - they've grown so much and have come so far and are living their best life and i'm happy for them#for that; but despite still seeming to want to be friends they don't feel the way they used to for me and they are allowed not to but it#fucking hurts like hell to be the one who still loves him so goddamn much and somehow be unable to get over it. like. i want to get over him#so bad; so i can just let myself be friends with him without all sorts of little things reminding me of the pain but nothing seems to work#i've tried going on dates with other people and just generally trying to see other people; i've tried journaling and i've tried all sorts of#shit and nothing works. and i can't bring myself to step away either because like. one i don't think it's gonna work because even#though seph has BPD spells where he splits and blocks everyone on social media - sometimes for months on end - it never#helped; i still felt exactly the same after a separation like that. so even that doens't work and even if it did work i wouldn't want to do#it because i'm just. i'm afraid i'll lose them. i'm afraid thta one of these separations; whether by him or by me; it'll be the last time#hell i just went to instagram and found out that his account was private and i somehow wasn't following him anymore so i'm assuming i just#missed another split. but he genuinely seems to want to stay friends; if only for the fact he always comes back. despite how many people he#has simply blocked and not brought back after a social media blackout; i've stayed. i genuinely believe he wants to be friends and i am#okay with that; i want that too; i don't want to imagine a world that he isn't in. but it hurts. i don't try and force it because that's#fucked up but even so; it's hard to let myself enjoy a friendship when i'm still heartbroken that it isn't the same connection we used to#have. i wish i could just forget but i can't; every time i think i've gotten over him; every time i think 'oh hey i havent been#in much pain about seph lately; i think i've finally moved on hell yeah' my stupid brain is like SYKE lmao you dumbass you really thought#you were done? nope every little fucking thing reminds you of him and it's gonna still hurt because like. fuck you that's why#and some nights i just can't stop thinking about all the littlest damn things. the way he took a greyhound nine hours just to come visit me#in person for the first time after we connected so deeply on fucking faecbook dating of all places; the way we were so awkward#sitting at a booth in a pizza and bar combo place that night; the way he would tease me about how i tasted like castor oil because i was#trying to solve a bad case of chapped lips but even so he couldn't stop kissing me; the way his eyes sparkled every time he got passionate#about music; sitting at his feet while he wrote a short poem in golden marker on my brand new guitar#and it. it just hurts. and i wish it was the way it used to be. but i also don't because he's so much healthier now. i guess i just wish i#could have the good stuff but not keep the bad. i dunno. it just hurts. i miss him so fucking much and i hate it.
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leaky-bunny · 11 months
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on vacation right now and i can't stop thinking about how incredibly sexy beach omo with a controlling dom would be. so i wrote a little fic about it. :)
picture it: me sitting in the sand by my dom's side as they're reclined on a nice chair, soaking up sun. it's hot, so i'm guzzling water to stay hydrated and watching the waves ripple and crash against the shore. eventually, i feel my bladder pang, and i stand up to go find a bathroom, only for them to grab my hand and hold me back.
"if you're trying to do what i think you're trying to do, don't. you sit back down, sweetheart."
i agree, shifting in the sand, this time with my legs pressed a little closer together.
time passes and the need gets much much worse. the ocean does nothing to help me, its sounds only driving me closer to the edge. i tug on my dom's arm, voice now a lot more urgent as i tell them i'm going to go in the water, hoping i can secretly let go once my bottom half is fully submerged and hidden. their eyebrow raises, obviously not impressed by my weak attempt at beating the system, but nevertheless they agree and stand up as well. the change in position sends me whimpering, but i try to cover it best i can with a cough (not very successfully though because they clearly hear and smirk). we stroll towards the water, my bladder contracting as i fight the urge to hold myself. despite the beach being calm, it's certainly not empty, and our fellow vacationers probably wouldn't appreciate such a show. the second my feet touch the waves, however, i gasp as a leak forces it's was out of me, soaking into my bikini as my dom pauses by my side.
"what's wrong sweetie, i though you wanted to go in?"
i flinch as another wave laps at my feet, legs firmly pressed together. "nghh, g-gonna pee...."
their eyes turn hard as they scowl, grabbing my hand and dragging my back to our spot in the sand. "no the fuck you're not, i gave you one rule. you are keeping all that piss inside you until you burst, understood?"
i wanna beg, wanna do something to relieve the arousal now coursing through my veins, but i just nod weakly and focus on not letting any more out.
it only takes another 10 minutes for me to leak again, enough to make a tiny wet patch in the sand beneath me. this time, i do moan, eyes glazed with the desire to let go, but my dom looks over and knows immediately what happened. they smile and reach over, pretending to adjust the bottom of my bikini, but instead pressing on the bulge of my bladder, hard and achingly full. another leak sprays out, even bigger than the next one, and with that my last shred of composure breaks.
"please- fuuuck, let me pee master, i have to go so bad and i've been so good, trying my best to hold it in just like you asked me to-"
they shush me, looking around, but finding no one has overhead or seems to care. "alright baby, calm down, i know you've done well for me. dig a little hole in the sand, ok? that'll be your potty."
i nod rapidly, too excited about the concept of finally peeing to be embarrassed by their word choice. my hands work quickly, scooping at the sand next to me until there's a hole large enough to sit over, positioned so my cunt is right above it. i stare up at my dom, eyes pleading, and they smile wickedly. "open your legs baby, show master how wet you are." i do, the dampness on my crotch extremely evident, and they shake their head in disappointment. "i would punish you for leaking, but here is not the place for that. i'm feeling very gracious, so you have permission to pee now. let it out bunny, i wanna see every drop."
the sentence is barely out of their mouth before i let go, the gushing sound filling the air as i piss a torrent. at first, the sand soaks it up almost instantly, but after a while, when the entire hole is soaked, a puddle begins to froth beneath me just like the ocean. i pant and shiver, eyes rolled back into my skull, not even noticing that my dom is staring at me as if they're going to eat me whole.
"good bunny, making a mess in public for me. bet that feels good, hm? i can't wait to show you how fucking horny you make me when we get back to the hotel. master's gonna make you cum so many times your brain will turn as fuzzy as that ocean foam."
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empresskylo · 1 year
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ghost seemed to despise you, making a mission you have to do together much tenser than it ever had to be...
a/n: i feel like this isn't great but i had fun writing it. idk.
cw: none i guess
simon "ghost" riley x fem!reader
wc: 3.6k
masterlist
The cold wind blew through your hair making you tighten your coat around your torso. You rolled your eyes as you walked silently beside Ghost. Of course, he wasn’t talking to you. But he was being more quiet than usual. 
You were new and had managed to get him to speak to you the first few weeks, basic training, and small banter as you talked to the task force on the comms. You thought he even liked you at that point. The way he would gaze at you gave you goosebumps. 
Then suddenly, Ghost began to ignore you. You knew you were not skilled physically. You weren’t really ‘one of the guys’. You were their tech nerd who had been trained to work in intensive situations. You felt like a black sheep among wolves. 
Maybe that’s why Ghost didn’t like you very much. You were just extra weight. You couldn’t always protect yourself the way the others could. You often put the men at risk when they would shield you from danger you couldn’t fight off yourself. 
Soap had to remind you that you were crucial to the team. You were the only one with engineering abilities—and pretty impressive ones at that. But still, it seemed like Ghost was repulsed by you and your helplessness. He made sure you weren’t on his team during missions. He’d look the other way when you’d catch his eye in the halls. He’d yell at you when you fell behind. He’d glare at you while you trained. He’d contest your appearance on more dangerous missions. It was tiring watching him act normal—whatever that means—around everyone else. 
You muttered a few things to Ghost, trying to get him to talk, awkwardly fumbling your words. As usual, he didn’t acknowledge you. 
“Well, this is fun. I just love talking to myself,” you groaned as you matched Ghost’s strides. It was just his luck that this mission required Ghost’s stealth and strength, and your tech skills. He would have put up a fight, but he knew you were the only one with the right skills for the job and he wasn’t about to compromise an important mission just to avoid you. 
Ghost side-eyed you, huffing in response to your whines. “You always this whiney?”
“Actually, I can get a lot worse.” 
“For God’s sake,” he muttered.
“Whatever,” you mumbled. “…Sir,” you added in at the end, remembering just who you were grumbling unpleasantries to. 
Ghost’s fist clenched, his breath deepening. “Wasn’t my bloody idea to take you on this mission with me. Trust me, I would have much preferred you stayed back.”
You shook your head. You were over it. “I’m not that bad, you know.” You peered up at him. He kept his head forward, scanning his surroundings as he walked. “The other guys like me.” You felt like a child as you kicked the dirt as you walked. You weren’t the type of person who needed everyone to like them, but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t hurt you to see Ghost joking and being friendly with the others. Why did he hate you so damn much? 
You walked the rest of the way in silence. 
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Night approached and you weren’t even close to where you were supposed to be—likely your fault for slowing Ghost down. “Can’t we just stop and rest a bit?”
“We got to get this mission done already,” he breathed, the way you were dragging him behind was giving him a headache. 
“Yes, I know. But it’s not really a time-sensitive mission…” you pleaded annoyingly. 
“I want to get back to base,” he said sternly, his head snapping in your direction to solidify his words. 
You followed behind him as he weaved through an abandoned building, his gun raised and ready. 
“I can’t really be that insufferable, right? I mean you like Soap just fine, and he’s loads more annoying than me,” you mumbled, speaking of Soap affectionately, but wanting to get your point across. 
He grunted in response—if you could call that a response.
You took in a sharp breath before speaking, waving your arms as you did even though he couldn’t see you as you stalked in his shadow. “I know you don’t like me. You’ve made that blatantly clear. I just thought this would be a good opportunity for us to get to know each other better. I don’t know, maybe not ‘get to know each other’, that sounds lame. I just… I just thought you’d like me if I was able to prove myself—“ You slammed into Ghost as he faced you, gun resting by his side.
“What?! Why did we stop?” You asked in a panic. Your eyes immediately started searching the perimeter, trying to locate a threat. 
“I don’t hate you,” Ghost said through gritted teeth, his accent heavy. 
Your brows furrowed as you looked up at him. He was actually listening to your rambling.
You suddenly felt embarrassed under his gaze, regretting every stupid word you just said. You must have sounded so pathetic, complaining that your superior doesn’t crack jokes or tell you how good you’re doing, like any of that is important. His eyes were burning holes through you. “Oh…” was all you could muster. His eyes shied away from you finally, deciding not to say more than he already did. 
He turned and began moving again. You felt your cheeks warm as you tried to shake off what just happened and followed Ghost.
You felt your eyes growing heavy, occasionally blinking for too long, seeing black, and feeling like you were about to nod off before startling yourself back awake with wide eyes.
“God, damn it,” Ghost huffed as he looked at you over his shoulder. 
You shook your head trying to wake yourself up. “Sorry, Lieutenant. I’m awake.” You pushed the hair out of your eyes and tried your best to keep them open. 
You could see Ghost contemplating something under his mask. He may have had most of his face covered at all times, but his eyes were full of expressions.
“Alright. We’ll rest a bit here. I’ll keep watch.”
You felt a sigh of relief knowing you could finally close your eyes for a minute, not caring enough to question him. You sank against the cool metal wall behind you. “You’re not gonna sleep?”
Ghost adjusted his stance. “Someone’s gotta keep watch. Now hurry up and sleep before I change my fuckin’ mind.”
He didn’t have to tell you twice. You were out as soon as you closed your eyes.
You stirred, your body moved up and down waking you. You slowly pried your eyes open, wondering how long you had been out. That’s when you realized why you were moving. You were curled up against Ghost’s chest, his arm wrapped around your waist.
Your eyes widened as you rested against him. His breathing deep. 
You tilted your head to look up at him and he was already staring down at you. Before you could speak, Ghost answered your question. “You were shiverin’.” He said matter-of-factly as if that was a perfectly good explanation as to why the Lieutenant had you pressed up against him. Especially knowing how much you seemed to bother him, why would he care if you were a bit cold?
You pushed yourself off of him and sat up in an attempt to be at eye level with him. You were partially straddling his thigh as you stared him down, trying not to succumb to his dominating glare in an attempt to overpower you. 
“I was… Shivering?” You raised a brow, clearly not buying Ghost’s explanation. Ghost continued to stare at you. “What? Were you attempting to kill me in my sleep and then I woke up and ruined your plan?”
You pushed up off of him in annoyance and you felt his large hands grip your waist. He yanked you back so you were sitting on his thigh. Your eyes were wide with shock. Shit. Did I just piss off the lieutenant? You thought.
Ghost's voice was husky as he spoke, his throat strained from being awake for 42 hours and not getting much water. “I don’t fuckin’ hate you. And I wouldn’t plot to murder one of my men,” he growled. 
You raised your hands in defeat. “Okay. Okay, I’m sorry,” your voice became meek as you remained under Ghost’s grip, his fingers likely leaving bruises. You thought about pointing out the fact that he had said ‘men’ and not women, so technically he wouldn’t be lying if he still plotted to kill you. But you knew he was not in a joking mood—not that he ever was with you. He could see the way you were completely missing what Ghost was trying to say.
“Jesus, you’re as bad as Soap,” he mumbled.
You gave him a questioning glance. “And by that, you mean…” 
Ghost glared at you from under his mask. You could feel your ears warm. After what felt like hours, he pushed you away and stood up in a huff. “Let’s go,” he commanded. His voice was stern and you knew if you made a joke or argued, he’d likely knock you on your ass. He was grumpier than usual. 
You followed behind him solemnly, kicking at the ground as you walked like a bratty child. 
You still were exhausted, your eyes red. You had slept maybe 30 minutes before you woke up in Ghost’s arms. The memory made you shiver. 
Ghost growled, clearly as annoyed as any one man could be. He squatted in front of you and you looked at him dumbfounded. 
“Wha-“
“Get on.”
You laughed, but Ghost stayed squatted. Your face went stoic. “Wait. You can’t be serious.”
“I want nothing more than to go to sleep and forget this whole fuckin’ mission, but you sleepwalking will make it take twice as long for me to get what I want. So get the fuck on.”
You gulped. This was next-level embarrassment. Not only did the men have to protect you, but now your lieutenant had to literally carry you. 
Your face was burning hot as you timidly reached out and jumped on Ghost’s back. All his tactical gear made your position against him sort of uncomfortable, but you didn’t dare complain.
Ghost stood, his arms hooking under your thighs and began walking. 
You both were silent the whole rest of the way, your arms wrapped around him as he carried you. Every once in a while he had to adjust your position back up and your heart would beat just a bit faster as his fingers slid along your thigh. 
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It felt like it took forever to make it back to base, you couldn’t imagine how long it would have taken if you both had to walk at your own pace. You were thankful at least that Ghost decided to carry you and not leave you behind to find your own way back. 
Ghost had departed from you once you made it inside and you hadn’t seen him since. You stretched, sitting on your bed and staring at the clock. 1:34 am
You grumbled as you stood up and began down the hall in your slippers, not exactly very happy that your sleep schedule was messed up. You had slept for a good 17 hours once you crashed, but that meant you were now wide awake at 1 in the morning. Ghost was probably fast asleep by now and not rolling around in bed like you were. You rolled your eyes at the thought. Only you’d be able to mess up sleeping, you imagined Ghost mocking in his thick accent. Why did the thought give you butterflies? 
You walked past the gym to go outside and get some fresh air when you saw a single light on in the corner of the gym. You rubbed your eyes, stopping and focusing through the window. It was Ghost. 
You pushed open the door and spoke softly. “Lt.?”
Ghost grunted as he set the weights he was lifting down and turned to face you. It was dark but you could see that his mask was pushed up so he could down his water bottle and you felt your ears warm. 
“What?” He asked exasperated.
“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” You asked quietly as if people were sleeping in the gym. But your voice was likely so low because you knew you were just going to irritate him by asking. Maybe if you spoke softly, it wouldn’t sound as jarring to him. 
He walked closer to you, grabbing a towel to your left to wipe his sweat away. You could make out the stubble that painted his jaw now that he was only two feet away. “I’m fine,” he grunted.
Most of Ghost’s eye paint had washed away from sweat and you could see the dark circles. “When was the last time you slept?” 
Ghost groaned and it made you take a step back from him. His hand pulled his mask back down and he walked back to his weights, ready to start lifting again. The man was going to work himself to death.
You walked over to him with a bit more confidence. “Lt., you really need to rest. You’re gonna hurt yourself if you keep—“
He spun around, glaring at you. “You know why I can’t fuckin’ sleep?”
You felt small under his intense stare. You shook your head. 
“Oblivious, you are,” he grumbled, putting his weights away. 
“You want to talk about it?” You finally asked, unsure of what else to say. Maybe this would be a good time for him to confide in you? 
Before you knew what was happening, Ghost had you pinned against the wall, his breathing deep, your own heart racing in your chest. This isn’t what you expected.
“It’s because of you,” he growled.
“Me?” You said in a soft whimper. Was he truly this upset because you weren’t like the others? You got flustered and fumbled with a gun in your hands. You weren’t as skilled in battle as they were. You were just the tech guru. 
“You,” he grunted. “You’ve fuckin’ clouded my thoughts. You keep makin’ me distracted.”
Fuck, so your clumsiness was distracting him. “I’m sorry, I—“
“I can’t stop thinkin’ bout your warm body pressed against mine.” His voice was darker than earlier, but much quieter now. His strong arms straddled each side of your head, his eyes piercing you. You mentally jumped at his words.
“I… I don’t understand.”
“Bloody hell,” he grumbled, always irritated with how clueless you seemed to be. Weren’t you supposed to be insanely smart? Couldn’t you feel his eyes on you wherever you walked in a room? Couldn’t you see the way he purposefully avoided you since you were too much of a distraction to him because of how effortlessly breathtaking you always looked? Or because he was focusing so hard on making sure you were okay that he’d lose track of what he was doing? Couldn’t you see the way his fist tightened when you said you thought he hated you or when your honey-laced voice called him sir?
Ghost pushed his mask back up to his nose and bent into your face, your eyes widening. “You’ve consumed my every goddamn thought,” he mumbled before connecting his lips with yours. You froze at first, completely caught off guard. Ghost… Liked you? Really, liked you? 
Ghost was about to pull away but then you started to kiss him back. You couldn’t help yourself. 
He pushed himself closer to you, his hands dropping from the wall to rest on your hips. He pulled back and loomed over you, your flustered face making him feel weak again. “Hard to sleep when I can’t stop thinkin’ bout how your warm body felt so nice against me. Knowin’ I shouldn’t be thinkin’ bout you like that.” 
It all made sense now. You finally understood why he seemed to hate you. You began laughing. Of course, someone like Ghost would act like that when he had a little crush. This whole time you were so worried he would always despise you when that was never even the case to begin with. 
Ghost watched you until you stopped giggling, your face going serious in return. “Even though I’m awful at everything I do?”
Ghost’s arms were back next to your head making you jump. “You’re not. You’re great at exactly what we need you to be great at. It’s the reason you’re part of the task force.” You looked unconvinced and Ghost dragged a hand over his mask in annoyance. “Yeah, so you’re terrible with a fuckin’ gun. Why would I care about that?”
You shifted uncomfortably. “I figured the lieutenant would hate anyone who wasn’t useful in the way he was…” 
“You think so lowly of me?”
“No! I only meant… I mean, I figured you admired strength and deadly skills more than…”
He mumbled your name heavily and you got chills. “I don’t fuckin’ care about any of that. You can do shit that I wouldn’t even know where to begin. If anything, it drives me crazy knowing you always need protection.” You took in a sharp breath, your palms flat against the wall behind you, worried he was about to explain why having to protect you all time drove him mad with rage, but what he said instead made you blush. “Makin’ me act… Possessive.” He sighed like he was talking to himself, explaining exactly why he couldn’t be attracted to you. “I can’t be actin’ like that.”
Your heart was pounding so loudly in your chest that you almost couldn’t hear what he was saying to you. “Why?” You whispered. You could see Ghost’s jaw tighten under his mask. He stayed silent, not answering your question. 
Ghost’s eyes followed your hand as you reached up to his chin making him flinch. In embarrassment, you began to pull your hand away, but Ghost caught your wrist in his and moved your hand to lay against the side of his jaw. “Jus’ not used to touch, s’all.” 
“But you like it? Touch, I mean.” You asked softly, your fingers caressing the cheek of the scariest man you knew. If anything, the way he was towering over you, trapping you between his arms, made him scarier. And yet…
“Mhm,” he hummed almost inaudibly as if he wasn’t used to being vulnerable and was struggling to admit it.
Ghost wasn’t sure what to do next. Your voice surprised him when you asked him a question he didn’t think you’d ask. “Will you kiss me again?” Your eyes fluttered up at him. 
His eyes danced between yours. “Want me to?” A brow raised beneath his mask, his pupils blown.
You nodded. Ghost’s hand was on yours again, pulling it away from his face and pushing it against the wall behind you. His palm engulfed your hand entirely. He leaned down, hovering over your lips, brushing them slowly against yours. You whined before he finally kissed you again, this time rougher than before. 
When was the last time Ghost kissed someone else? He couldn’t remember. So then why was he acting so bold? Like this was a normal thing for him to do? It was likely the intense lack of sleep that was making him act drunk. 
Ghost moved and cupped your face as he kissed you. Your small hands gripped his shirt and tugged him closer to you, making Ghost chuckle against your lips. “Needy, aren’t we, love?” 
You were falling in love with the way he spoke to you. So much gentler than earlier. In a voice you never heard him speak before.
He pulled away, his lips hovering over yours, his eyes flickering across your face. “You really should sleep,” you whispered, the dark circles under his eyes perfectly visible to you now. 
“Yeah? It’s rather cold in my room,” he muttered, his eyes studying your own. Your hands stayed twisted in his shirt, “Need me to keep you warm, Lt.?” You couldn’t believe the words coming out of your mouth. Granted, they were barely over a whisper. Normally Ghost could think properly, it was one of the many things he was known for, and he knew that this was a bad idea, but coming up on 50 hours without sleep was making him loopy.
He grinned and grabbed you, pulling you up and over his shoulder. 
You yelped, “Ghost!” He smirked as he walked back to his room, tossing you on his bed. It was the same size as your bed: a twin. How on earth did this man fit in such a tiny bed? It was cruel. And how were the two of you going to fit?
“I don’t think we both can—“
“Would you stop whining for once and just lay beside me?” His voice was groggy and stern. You blushed in the dark, almost entranced by the way you irritated him. Except now you knew he liked it. 
Ghost climbed into the bed beside you, his room pitch black. He grabbed your waist and pulled you against him, startling you at his boldness. He had to hold you basically on top of him so you could both fit, but he didn’t seem to mind. 
Within minutes he was asleep, his soft snoring rumbling through his chest. You smiled, resting against him. His arms tightened around you. You knew this was going to be a… situation in the morning. This was going to be awkward and would fill Ghost with regret and embarrassment, but right now, your eyes felt so heavy. And even if you wanted to leave, you weren’t sure you could escape Ghost’s grip. 
3K notes · View notes
thegnomelord · 2 months
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If you're up to it, I would like to request FtM reader x dragon Price, reader can be dom or sub I just need more FtM things in life besides myself😞😞 -🐆
Sure, I wasn't in the mood for porn so have some fluff. fair warning I'm not all that confident writing FTM reader so ya'll tell me if this sucks lol
CW: SFW, gender dysphoria, fluff, non sexual nudity, cuddling, scar kissing
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Most day are good for you. Most days you're able to get out of bed and go about your day to day duties with confidence.
Not today.
You wake before your alarm with an unpleasant feeling in your gut, tossing and turning for an hour in hopes of falling asleep but it's useless. The morning chill only amplifies the horrid sensation — your skin doesn't feel like your own, your body doesn't feel your own. It's like roaches are crawling beneath your skin, thousands of toothpicks stabbing your nerves every time the cotton of your boxers brushes against your flawed flesh. Old words of people you once considered friends ring in your head like church bells: You're not a real man, you'll never be.
All you are, is a badly made replica in the approximation of what you want to be.
Your bones feel like they're lined with lead, every cell in your body begging you to stay under the covers in the darkness of your room for however long it takes for this feeling to go away. But the sharp ringing of the alarm forces you to rise against your wishes. You don't look at yourself when you shower, but the small glimpse of skin you catch in the mirror makes bile burn the back of your throat. Usually you're proud of your torso and the muscles you've built, but all you can think now as you put on the tight fitting army shirt is how wrong it looks on you. You try to pull on the front a couple of times in an attempt to make it baggier around your chest, before just putting on a jacket regardless that it's the middle of summer.
Recruit duty makes a bad day even worse, adding a headache alongside the discomfort and anxiety that straddle your brain. You hate how snappy and agitated you are with them, running them through grueling drills until they regret being born and have probably called you every name under the sun in their heads. The all collapse when you're finally finished with them, stepping away from them. The day's heat made you sweat like a pig, another round of bile burning the back of your throat at how your clothes stick to you.
You flinch back when a hand grabs your shoulder, quickly whirling around to look who it is with a sharp retort burning on your tongue, only to fizzle out when you're met with Price's face.
Your name sounds so right when he says it, the scent of tobacco curling in your nose as he steps closer to you, wing stretching out to subtly hang over you. "What's going on lad?" Price asks, his voice low, like taking a sip of cool water.
The question makes you hesitate, unable to meet his gaze so you fixate on counting the little chips in the concrete floor. "Just one of those days." You grunt, your voice hoarse and scratchy from belting orders all day.
Price hums in thought and then you feel his wing bump against your back, "Follow me soldier." The deep timber of his voice silences some of the dark thoughts crooning in your ears, and you're helpless to do anything but follow after him like a lost lamb. He leads you back to his room (that you haunt most nights), the place blessedly cool and dark compared to the heat outside.
The second the door closes and locks he pulls you in close, wrapping his steady arms around you and pushing your face into the pillowy bosom of his pecs. You struggle for a moment out of pure instinct, but a single call of your name makes you stop like a puppet on cut strings. He repeats your name like a caress, rolling every syllable on his tongue as his chest rumbles with a deep purr.
You melt into him, nuzzling your nose into the deep valley of his pecs and breathing in his smell. He's more intoxicating than any drug you know; beneath the scents of tobacco, dark coffee, and manly musk there's always something that your mind associates with freshly cut grass and rain on dry gravel — Comfort.
"You're so smart and clever." He croons, resting his chin on top of yours, one hand tracing the curve of your back. "But by god are you a dumb muppet." There's no edge to his words, you don't even think of fighting his admonishments. "How many times have I told you to come to me if you feel like this?"
Too many times, to be honest. You're stubborn if nothing else, you always think you can handle this on your own, you don't want to burden him whenever your mind decides to be a dick to you. "I'm sorry." You mumble into his shirt, your hands slowly wrapping around his thick waist. It always does your head in how your fingers can't quite meet in the middle of his back with how broad he is, muscle and fat shifting beneath your hands.
"Sure you are." He tuts, evidently not believing you for a second. But he doesn't pull away, tail loosely wrapping around your leg and his scent and heat enveloping you, his chest vibrating against your face. "Going to let me take care of my boy, aren't you?" The way he phrases it makes it sound like a statement, and you're unable to resist it.
Your mouth goes dry, your body stuck between wanting more and abhorring any more physical contact. But you nod your head, grumbling something probably nonsensical. And any other day you'd laugh your ass off about the fact you're practically motorboating him, but not today. Today you barely have any energy left to think.
"That's my boy." He purrs, clawed fingers gently scratching your scalp. "Shower?" He asks.
You pause, trying to string together a tangible thought. You doubt you could handle that, not with how dark and heavy your head feels. "No." You croak and nuzzle further into his chest in an attempt to hide.
"S'alright, I'm proud of you." He hums, still holding you close as he shuffles across the room with you blindly following him. "Let's get you out of those sweaty clothes, yeah?" Getting a single nod from you, he starts to slowly take off your clothes, pulling back just enough to distract you with sweet kisses. You try to help in taking his clothes off, but you feel about as useful as a small child helping his parents cook, getting a few chuckles from him.
You wind up gently pushed down on your back, spread across his bed that smells just like him and naked as the day you were born. Before the discomfort can make you shy away and try to cover yourself, he's settling down next to you, claws scraping against your jaw as he pulls you into a slow kiss. You swear you can always taste a bit of eternity every time he kisses you, so unhurried like you'll last as long as him.
"Look at you." He hums as you part, his hands sliding down your shoulders and arms to your hips. "My handsome boy." He tilts his head to kiss all over your face, trailing his lips from your brows to your eyelids, cheeks, nose, chin to wherever else he can reach. His beard is soft against your skin, evidently he'd used that beard care product you'd given him. "So strong and capable. My strong knight."
That gets the first vestige of a chuckle out of you. "Does that mean I get to lay the dragon?" You ask, your lips tugging into a small smirk. You've made that joke god knows how many times, but despite his gripes, Price loves it.
"Cheeky wanker." He huffs, his cool clawed fingers trailing along the curve of your muscles up your torso. "Later, if you're good."
A low sound escapes you when his thumbs brush the even scars beneath your pecs. "Good?" He asks, waiting for you to nod before tilting his head down, horns gently poking your skin for a second before he starts kissing along your scars. His touch is gentle like you're a precious treasure in his hoard, his lips velvet soft against the rough scar tissue. Every brush of his lips makes your skin tingle like a live wire, fire simmering in the place he kisses as he trails from one side to the other, laying equal attention on every inch of your scars.
It's pleasant. Beyond pleasant. It leaves your chest feeling so warm and full like your heart will burst through your ribcage.
You feel like a melted puddle of goo by the time he pulls away to kiss you on the lips again. You don't struggle as he lays down on his side and pulls you to him. A pleased sigh escapes you as you feel his wing drape over you like a blanket, tail curling around one of your legs and arms wrapping around your waist; like he's making sure you can't escape (not that you'd want to.)
Dragons are strange, the scales cool against your skin but his core is hot like a furnace, the duality of it calming your mind. "How are you feeling lad?" He asks, the low timber of his voice vibrating his chest.
You hum and nuzzle into his pecs, the ample chest hair tickling your face. "Better." You grunt, blindly kissing what inch of flesh you can reach. You can't keep your hands from wandering, petting the dark hair of his happy trail as your other hand traces the scales on his side. "Could feel better with a bit more attention though."
A snort leaves him, his breath ghosting over your ear. "You're insatiable." His words would be a lot more insulting if his chest didn't vibrate with a continuous purr, his tail tightening for a second before relaxing.
"You're to blame." You feel better as the words leave you, your chest light as a feather as you get to share a small laugh with him.
"Get some rest, my boy," You hum, your eyelids already starting to feel heavy as you feel him nuzzle his cheek into your hair. You don't doubt the whole base will be able to smell him on you tomorrow. "We'll see about laying dragons later."
"I love you." You murmur into his flesh, his pecs becoming the world's best pillow as you nuzzle closer. You stay awake just long enough to hear him murmur his love for you in your ear.
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cowboykento · 7 months
Text
brat.
minors dni!!! warnings: face fucking, hair pulling, kind of mean dom!nanami (he is still so loving, i can't help myself), pet names (angel, sweetheart, princess, etc), light degradation (slut, brat), someone got a little... inspired after seeing nanami in the new episode. wc: 855
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“You really thought you could send me that in the middle of work and I’d just let you get away with it?”
The grip Nanami has on your hair makes your head spin. You’d sneakily sent him a photo of yourself in his favorite lingerie and a flirty little ‘miss you :(‘. Of course you knew he couldn’t do anything about it until he got home, but that made it all the more fun. 
“Such a filthy little slut,” he growls, holding your head inches away from his so you can feel his breath as he bites out harsh words. “Anybody could have seen that, but you know that, don’t you? Or did you want that?”
You whimper as he yanks your head back to suck a dark bruise into your neck, “No, no. Just for you, Kento.”
He nips at the spot he’s left, “Damn right you are. All mine. My slutty little girl, aren’t you?” 
You nod your head furiously, trying with everything in your body to grind down on Nanami’s thigh that he’s pressed between your legs, keeping any relief or pleasure just barely out of reach from you. 
Tears flood your eyes as he pulls back on your hair, “Use your words, sweetheart. You’ve already been so bad today, you don’t want to make it worse, do you?”
“No,” you stutter out, “No, I’ll be good for you, promise.” 
Nanami pulls you in to kiss your lips hungrily, nearly devouring you before he pushes your head down, forcing you to your knees, “That’s right, you will be a good girl for me, won’t you? Always are. Just wanted to be a little brat today, didn’t you? Wanted me to set you straight. That’s alright sweetheart, you know I’m more than happy to do a little… attitude adjustment. Take my cock out, baby, come on, it’s all yours.”
You do as he says, entranced and hanging onto every word that falls from his mouth like they’re the oxygen you breathe. You undo his belt and unzip his slacks quickly, not wanting to be accused of teasing and punished even more. 
Nanami keeps your hair out of your face in a vice grip that makes your scalp burn. You pull down his pants and boxers and his cock springs out, already leaking from the tip. 
You lean in to lick the pre away before Nanami pulls your head back sharply, “Nuh uh, sweetheart. You take what I give you tonight,” he warns, inching his cock closer to your waiting lips. 
Your eyes are glazed over and you’re nearly drunk on the feeling of being dominated by Nanami as he slaps the tip of his dick on your lips a few times, smearing his pre all over your lips and chin. 
In a much softer tone, one you’re more used to hearing from your husband, he says, “Tap my leg if I’m being too rough, sweetheart,” before thrusting himself into your hot mouth. 
You fight not to gag as Nanami lets out a groan that sets off the butterflies in your tummy. Nanami forces you up and down his cock, his pace instantly brutal as he fucks himself with your throat. 
“This is what you wanted, isn’t it? You’re so naughty when you wanna be, but we both know better don’t we? My little angel just wanted some tough love, didn’t she? Knew I’d give it to her, spoiled brat.” 
You moan at Nanami’s words and tears roll down your cheeks. You don’t think you’ve ever been more turned on in your life, never been so desperate to have Nanami inside you, pounding you even more senseless than you’ve already become. You know Nanami wouldn’t approve right now, but you can’t help sneaking your hand down between your legs to finally give yourself some relief, rubbing your clit just slightly, hoping that Nanami wouldn’t catch on. 
If your brain wasn’t so hazy, you would’ve known better than to do anything other than what your husband explicitly tells you to do, but you can’t even form coherent thoughts right now, much less differentiate which ones are good or bad. 
“Oh, princess,” Nanami groans, not relenting from his brutal pace, “put your hands behind your back for me, won’t you? Can’t have you touching my pussy without permission, can we? It’s okay, sweetheart, know you wouldn’t do it if you could help it.” 
Tears continue falling, now from frustration and desperation as well. You can tell Nanami’s close when he picks up his pace, his cock twitching in your mouth. You make an effort to run your tongue along the base when it reaches your mouth, and like that Nanami’s shooting his load down your throat, squeezing on your hair and forcing you to take every drop. 
“Fuck, angel, fuck,” he groans breathlessly, finally letting his grip in your hair loosen as he pulls himself out of your mouth. 
You swallow his cum happily, a sight which makes Kento’s worn out dick twitch back to life, even if he’s seen it a million times before. 
“Fuck,” he pants, “now let’s take care of that bratty little pussy.”
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sorry guys i went into a blind writing frenzy and this is the result. my brain shut off immediately after seeing the new episode.
minors/blank blogs dni or you’ll get blocked :3
hope u all enjoyed thx for reading!
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headspace-hotel · 1 month
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kinda feeling like my stamina took a permanent hit back during the Bad Time. when I first dropped out i was so exhausted it's hard to even explain how difficult it was to do anything. like I didn't even have the energy to talk to my family, i only left my room to eat and go to the bathroom. and this went on for MONTHS.
2022-early 2023 was the happiest time of my life and the time when I knew myself the best and was doing the most good for humanity and the world. and I was unemployed, not in school, and living off my parents lol.
my menstrual cycle was regular for almost a year during this time, something that had never happened before
and now i'm back in school and working trying to prepare for my future but i'm just such an empty husk I don't have the ability to navigate my path any further ahead than the next few steps. is this the major i want to be in? I don't know. Do I want to do an internship? I don't know. I haven't gotten to know any new people outside of work. I haven't gone to any event I wasn't forced to go to. I don't socialize, I don't have non-work-related hobbies, I don't read books, I don't do anything creative/artistic. I barely even play minecraft or work with spinning my plant fibers anymore.
I'm a significantly worse student than I was when I started college. Last semester was hell but I honestly had more energy, this semester I'm burning out so hard and whenever I get some spare energy to reflect on my life I just feel so hollow
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