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wileys-russo · 1 month

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filling the void (3) II a.putellas x sister!reader

prequel one two

since you all wanted to be hurt so bad here is more angst! and for the sake of the broken and left behind younger sibling support club, a little comfort and some steps forward too - song i listened to when writing was we might be dead by tomorrow by Soko! filling the void (3) II a.putellas x sister!reader

after your outburst it worried eli to watch you retract into yourself, and for an entire week bar going to work you hardly left your room.

something out of character for someone like yourself who since your sisters decided they didn't want to spend time with you anymore, had thrown yourself head first into social activities with people who did.

you still saw your friends at work and when they drove you home or picked you up for a shift, but you had a variety of excuses to avoid the dinners or hang outs you were invited to outside of that, alarming not only eli but also your friends now.

your friends had all of course been filled in on the discourse of your apparent abandonment, having assured you time and time again that it wasn't your fault.

they spent time affirming to you that it was just an unfortunate side affect of the large age gap which wasn't something you had any control over. they all did their best to make you feel supported in your emotions whilst also encouraging you not give up on the relationship with your sisters entirely.

something that probably would have benefited both alexia and alba to know, at first feeling sorry for themselves after your outburst. this was then channeled into a disapproval for these new older friends you kept close.

guards went up from both of your sisters about how these strangers were trying to replace their space in your life, they were your older sisters not these new girls hanging around.

eli had all but banned alba and alexia from coming over throughout the week following your explosion at them, warning you needed space and time and that the more they pushed you the further away you'd pull, case in point your outburst in the first place which had spawned from both of them going at you too hard and too fast.

but when the weekend rolled around and still you made no move to leave the comfort of your bedroom or the family home eli decided maybe it was time she step in a little, unable to see any change in your antisocial behaviour unless she offered a somewhat forceful helping hand.

"hija." you looked up from a book your head was buried in with a raised eyebrow. "i am going to watch alexia's game soon." eli started as you noted she was dressed in a barcelona jersey with alexias name and number proudly on the back.

"okay." you nodded with a small frown of suspicion, unsure why she was really telling you this and sensing maybe there was more to it.

"you should come with me." the woman continued encouragingly with a warm smile. "are you asking me or telling me mami?" you questioned with a sigh making the older woman chuckle.

"telling. you have not left the house all week nena and i am worried about you." her voice softened the last few words as you sighed. "mami i'm fine! i am going to see my friends tomorrow night." you promised as she hummed.

"really? that is good then." eli smiled happily as you hummed. "sí, they said if i did not come willingly they would break in here and kidnap me, so i didn't really have a choice." you sighed making your mami chuckle.

"bien. now get dressed we leave in ten minutes!" eli clapped as you made a face. "wait i still have to come?" you asked with a small groan as she nodded. "sí, i was telling not asking." the woman smiled as you groaned again but snapped your book shut.

and sure enough ten minutes later you were following her out the door albeit begrudgingly, your airpods confiscated the moment you tried to put them in, deflating even further as you slid into the car.

"don't look so miserable fresa, watching one football match will not kill you." eli chuckled throwing the car into reverse as you sighed dramatically. "i could only dream of being so lucky." you mumbled sliding on a pair of sunglasses.

"why are we here?" you questioned a little anxiously as you recognized the street she turned down a little while later. "picking up your hermana, she is also coming." eli spoke with a slight air of caution, glancing to you as you frowned clearly a little lost in your thoughts.

"mi hija i know your sisters have really hurt you i am not dismissing that, and i will not push you any further then you are ready to when it comes to letting them fix it. but you are all still my daughters and i enjoy spending time with all of you, together." eli tried to put it as gently as she could as you sighed but nodded none the less.

when you didn't say anything further eli didn't prompt you to do so, waving at alba who locked up her place behind her and made her way to the car, surprise flickering clearly across her face seeing you sat in the front seat.

"hola mami." your sister slid into the back, leaning forward and kissing eli's cheek, contemplating for a brief second whether to greet you in the same way but thinking better of it and settling back in her seat.

"hi fr-hermana." alba was quick to catch herself, eli flashing her a small smile through the rear view mirror as you hummed and mumbled back a greeting, gaze trained out the window.

you zoned out of the conversation which followed the duration of the drive to the stadium, alba trying a couple of times to include you but when she only received one word replies she recognized that was likely doing more harm than good and ceased her efforts.

you stuck out a little once you all arrived, finding your seats in the friends and family section and you were one of the only spectators sat without a jersey on.

you of course had more than enough to choose from. as you grew up alexia had gifted you with countless jerseys both for spain and barcelona.

some she'd played in during important games and wanted you to have over anyone else, and some were just spares, getting most of your immediate family members the latest kits as soon as they dropped.

but when you'd stopped bothering to go to her games you had assumed this ceased. but unbeknownst to you alexia had a whole horde of jerseys at her home for you, but at her own fault barely having spent much time with you had disallowed her to be able to gift them to you.

so even though you could have easily worn a barcelona jersey, you were still upset with both of your sisters. so to wear alexia's name and number on your back felt a little too close to home for the time being which eli had respected enough not to bring up when she'd noticed.

you'd managed to busy yourself with your phone for a good half an hour, sat on one side of your mami as alba sat on the other, the two engaged in their own conversation that your anti social behaviour prompted you not be involved in.

but everything changed when eli stood to use the bathroom before kick off, alba then taking it upon herself to slide across one seat now sat right beside you causing a small sigh to drop from your lips.

"hermana." alba started gently and you recognised where she'd be angling this conversation from the soft tone of her voice.

"alba por favor i really do not want to talk about the other night, i do not even want to be here." you exhaled honestly, watching the warm ups on the pitch and avoiding her eyes.

"then why did you come?" your sister asked curiously, propping her arm over the back of her chair to rest her head on her fist. "mami made me." you grumbled in annoyance crossing your arms across your chest with a frown.

"so you don't have a curfew and go out at all hours of the night doing whatever you want with her permission but mami can still make you come to ale's games?" alba spoke as your head whipped around to snap at her though seeing the teasing smile on her face you realized she wasn't serious.

"sí." a small smile crept onto your lips which disappeared quickly. "saw that." alba commented quietly, turning her eyes back to the pitch as yours rolled.

thankfully before you were subjected to anymore small talk eli returned, but to your dismay alba didn't move seats and instead was now sat still beside you as eli sat on her other side.

when warm ups finished alexia's eyes drifted to the crowd, spotting olga sat with a few friends and waving before looking for her family. she spotted eli with a grin, waving again as alba did the same and for a moment alexia's eyes glanced over you without a second thought.

but then they snapped right back and widened in shock, not having seen you at a game for a long time now she hadn't even realised the figure sat beside alba was you.

"mami made her come!" alba mouthed giving the captain a subtle thumbs up as you missed the entire thing, attention focused on your phone.

catching eli's eye next alexia mouthed a thank you as the older woman smiled and gave a curt nod, alexia hurrying off to follow after the team to the change room.

upset with her or not and no matter how long it had been since you were at estadi johan cruyff there was no denying your sister was a force to be reckoned with on the football pitch, and she was enigmatic to watch play.

just before she was subbed off in the second half alexia lined up near the goal when caro stepped up to take the corner, delivering the ball in perfectly for your sisters head to knock it into the back of the net.

you looked around as the crowd errupted, chanting alexia's name as you of course clapped her goal though without quite as much enthusiasm as those around you.

you watched your sister turn toward where the three of you were sat and make a weird signal with her hands, blowing a kiss at your mami before racing back for kick off.

"you saw that, sí?" alba nudged you with a grin as you gave her an odd look. "qué?" you questioned a little confused as to what you were supposed to have been looking at.

"ale's celebration. E, A, F." alba recreated it with her own hands as the strange look didn't drop from your face and your older sister rolled her eyes.

"e-" she pointed at eli beside her. "-a-" she pointed at herself. "-f." she pointed to you as it clicked. "oh." you mumbled, dropping your sunglasses down over your eyes and remaining quiet for the duration of the match.

"can i go wait at the car?" you asked hopefully, glancing to eli as the stadium had now mostly cleared and the girls friends and families were making their way down to the pitch to greet the team on their six to nil win.

"no, stay where i can see you please hija there are a lot of people around still. i think you should come say hi to your hermana, but i will not push you." eli squeezed your shoulder with a gentle smile as you nodded, staying in your seat as she headed down to the barrier where alexia was already speaking with olga and alba.

you pulled your knees up to your chest and sighed, doom scrolling through your social media's to try and pass time as you attempted to ignore the internal battle your mind was having whether to go greet your sister or not.

"well well well, hola diablillo." you jumped a little in shock as a new body dropped down into the seat beside you, sunglasses snatched from your face and placed onto her own as you couldn't help but grin.

"you are so annoying maría give them back!" you laughed reaching for them as she clicked her tongue and pushed your hand away each time you reached to take them back.

"no i think i will keep them, they look better on me anyway no?" mapi teased before pulling you into a hug. "it has been some time since we've seen you here diablillo." mapi's voice was a little softer now and you weren't sure if alexia had filled her in at all on what had happened lately.

"sí, i have been busy." you shrugged dismissively making mapi chuckle. "ohh because you are so grown up now, just a little worker girl hm? too grown up to slum it with your sisters friends at a football match." mapi teased pinching and pulling at your cheeks playfully.

as you caught up with the older girl who seemed in no rush to go greet the rest of her teammates you were too occupied to feel alexia's eyes where she watched on from the barrier.

eyebrows furrowing and a strange feeling twisting in her stomach at the way you easily conversed with her best friend, rough housing around with her and laughing, just like how you used to with alexia.

"amor." olga's hand caught her wrist as she jumped the barrier to head up toward you, giving her girlfriend a slight look of warning as alexia tugged her hand away.

"i am just going to say hi." alexia promised as olga still looked unsure but nodded, turning around as someone called her name and alexia headed off up into the stands.

"you know diablillo you are nearly old enough for some of these of your own, maybe you come over and i will bust out my gun sí?" mapi grinned wolfishly, showing you a few of her new tattoos.

your eyes lit up in awe as they traced the deep inkings which wrapped around the older girls limbs, the exact same way they had as a child when you first laid eyes on her.

"i don't know how our mami would feel about that maría, stop being a bad influence." alexia's tone was teasing but she didn't miss the way your entire body seemed to tense at her arrival, mapi grinning up at her best friend none the less.

"me? capitana i would never." mapi gasped, standing to her feet and messing up your hair before handing you back your sunglasses. "you call me and we can talk more about it. adios diablillo!" mapi addressed you now with a wink, messing up your hair before making her way down to where ingrid was waiting, the tall norweigan sending you a kind smile and a wave which you returned.

"hola." alexia recaptured your attention now, your body stiffening as she sat down beside you, your sister frowning a little as you leaned your body away from hers just slightly.

"did you enjoy the match?" alexia asked, cautious of her every word as you nodded. "sí, it was a good win." you acknowledged, resting your chin on your knee as your fingers drummed anxiously against your thigh.

"i am glad you came, i have missed seeing your face in the stands." alexia's next words sent a strange feeling through you. "you didn't even notice i stopped coming." your words came out before you could stop them, alexia deflating a little as still you refused to look at her.

"fresa-lo siento hermana." alexia was quick to correct, trying her best to remember snippets of what you said the other night. "i know i did not and i really really want to-" she couldn't even finish her sentence before you shot to your feet.

"i need to go to the bathroom." you were gone before alexia could blink, scrambling away like a startled deer as your sister sighed and tiredly dragged her hands down her face.

there was a soft touch to her shoulder and she glanced up to see her girlfriend looking down at her sympathetically. "no luck?" olga winced slightly as she sat down and alexia shook her head.

"i barely said two words and she was gone. she looked terrified, and of me!" alexia struggled to get out with another deep sigh as olga rubbed her back.

"we talked about this ale, slow. fresa needs time and i know you want to fix it cariño but you have to let her come to you, she needs to want to fix things." olga reminded softly as alexia nodded, kissing the girls cheek appreciatively before the two of them stood and made their way back down to the pitch.

your airpods finally returned to you they were quickly stuffed in your ears as you allowed alba the front seat and slipped into the back, swaying your head a little to the music bouncing around your head as eli drove home.

you were snapped back to attention as someone tapped your knee, pausing your music and pulling one of them out, alba having turned around from the front to smile at you as you were now stopped outside her house.

"would you want to get breakfast tomorrow?" your older sister asked careful not to come on a little too strong but it was hard not to miss the hopeful look in her eye.

"i have plans already." you declined as your sister nodded in understanding. "maybe another time then." she squeezed your knee quickly and kissed your mami's cheek goodbye, thanking her for driving before she was gone.

"are you going to get in the front nena or make me drive you home like a taxi?" eli caught your eye with raised brows making you grin, unbuckling yourself and moving to the front seat, your door closing and belt re-buckling before she drove off.

"i thought your friends were kidnapping you tomorrow night?" eli hinted subtly as you looked out the window and hummed. "they are." you confirmed with a small nod.

"do you have other breakfast plans then?" "no." you sighed, sensing some sort of lecture might follow.

"i'm not ready yet mami." you added on honestly, still trying to come to terms with it all and what you thought was best for you going forward now you had some time to process everything.

"fair enough fresa, take all the time you need. but know your hermana's do love you, very very much."

"this is nearly done, go choose something to watch." eli nodded as you moved off the stool you'd been sat on and headed toward the living room, clicking on the tv.

"something funny? a love story? action movie?" you called out as you flicked through the genre's. "mami do you have a pref-" you glanced toward her right as there was a loud clatter and your eyes widened.

"mami! estás bien?" you were by her side in an instant, the older woman clutching her chest and rapidly shaking her head as you panicked. "mierda!" you fumbled around in your pockets, pulling out your phone and calling for help.

you rattled off quickly what was happening, your anxiety sky rocketing as suddenly the older woman fell to the ground still clutching at her chest as the medical officer on the other end of the line calmly told you an ambulance was dispatched and talked you through what to do.

"mami? mami? mami!" you repeated, struggling to breathe yourself as suddenly the older womans eyes closed and she went limp and unresponsive. the operater encouraging you stay on the line and assuring the ambulance would be there any second now.

"i don't know if she's breathing!" you cried out, unsure how to check for a pulse as rapid knocks were heard at your door and you forced yourself away from eli's limp body, two paramedics barreling in the moment you unlocked the door.

the operator now hanging up a third paramedic gently assured you were doing all the right things and eli needed to go to hospital, promising you that she was still breathing as you nodded.

"is your papi here querida?" the paramedic asked softly as you watched them carefully load your mami onto a stretcher. "he's dead." you replied bluntly, panic peaking as the other two spoke so fast you couldn't understand but they were saying but you knew it was serious.

"venga, go get your shoes and you can ride with your mami in the ambulance." the older woman squeezed your shoulder with a kind smile, repeating the words and shaking you lightly when you remained rooted in spot watching them push the stretcher into the back of the ambulance.

your worry only continued when no one could really give you any answers, only repeating you would be at the hospital soon as they lowered an oxygen mask onto eli and spoke to one another in what felt like a second language over her head.

it was worse when you finally did arrive to the hospital, your mami wheeled off and out of sight as you panicked when you were informed you couldn't go with her and would need to sign it at the front desk and wait in emergency for further information.

"how old are you cariño?" the receptionist asked carefully when taking down your information. "seventeen." you replied, eyes straying every few seconds to the doors eli had been wheeled away into as if willing she would miraculously walk back out and all would be fine.

"you need to be over eighteen to be an emergency contact and sign the paperworker for your mami. is there anyone else who could come?" the lady asked as you sighed but nodded, knowing exactly who you needed to call as you excused yourself and pulled out your phone.

"alexia? algo malo sucedió, i need you."

alexia thanked the gods that she wasn't caught by police as she flew down the streets of barcelona going easily double the speed limit, barely saying two words to olga before she had her keys in hand and was sprinting out the door already on the phone to alba.

finding a park she locked her car and raced across the lot, chest tightening as she stepped into the emergency department, eyes scanning the waiting room before finally spotting you.

you'd always been shorter than her but sat on the chair in the waiting room drowned in a hoodie which was two sizes too big and staring off into space you looked positively tiny in alexia's mind.

you jolted and tensed up as arms were thrown around you, alexia noticing right away and letting go trying not to focus on how much it pained her that even in the current situation you couldn't hug her.

"you have to go fill in the admission paperwork at the front desk." you mumbled with a nod, refusing to even look her in the eye as you tucked your knees to your chest resting your chin on them.

spotting alba over your shoulder alexia caught her eye and stepped away toward the front desk leaving you with her, glancing repeatedly to the two of you every few seconds as she filled in the necessary documents.

"someone will be out later with more information." was the only answer she got when asking for an update on eli's condition, frustrated but knowing that now all you could all do was wait.

"hermanita what happened?" alexia crouched down in front of you as alba sat beside you, you shifted a little uncomfortably under the intensity of their stares but sighed.

"i don't know. mami was making dinner and everything was fine, i stepped away to find something for us to watch and i looked over when she dropped something and she was just grabbing at her chest-" you began to recount, your sisters hanging off your every word.

"-she couldn't speak she didn't even yell out or cry in pain or anything she was just silent but she looked terrified. then i called the ambulance and she fell down and her eyes closed and she went limp, i didn't know if she was breathing." you exhaled shakily and paused for a second before continuing.

"she didn't respond to anything i said or did she just laid there. and then the paramedics came and put her on a stretcher and we went in the ambulance and came here. then they wheeled her off back there and wouldn't tell me anything because i'm not eighteen." you puffed out air through your nose at that last part.

"they wouldn't tell me anything either, just said someone will be out with more information later." alexia sighed wearily, standing to her feet and sitting on your other side.

"oh fresa." alba started sympathetically, stretching an arm across your shoulders intending to draw you into her side but you shrugged her off. "please don't touch me." you muttered, your sisters sharing a concerned look over your head.

"hey nena we just-" alexia tried next, her hand which sat on your leg pushed away as you wordlessly stood and moved to a different row of chairs on the other side of the room sitting back down.

"just give her some space ale, she's clearly shaken up." alba stopped alexia where she stood to follow you. "even now she runs away like she's scared. mierda we're in the hospital!" alexia snapped as alba pulled her into a hug.

"she's not scared of you alexia she's just hurt, and we both know she has every right to be." alba reminded as the older girl exhaled and sunk back into her chair with a nod, both of them watching you cautiously as you seemed on another planet just looking off into space.

"segura?" around an hour later an official looking woman in scrubs and a clipboard called out, both of your sisters up and on their feet as you were quick to follow.

"daughters?" the woman clarified as you all nodded.

"your mami went into mild cardiac arrest, she's mostly stable but still out while we run some more tests to try and determine the cause. her heartbeat is quite irregular and she's having trouble breathing on her own so we've got her hooked up to a ventilator." the woman explained reading off her clipboard.

"can we see her?" alexia asked hopefully, deflating at the shake of head that followed. "she's in the coronary ward but she's being taken for some more tests soon. once we get the results of these initial ones she's just had someone will come speak to you, but all three of you don't need to be here." you frowned as that last sentence was clearly directed your way.

"gracias but we will all be staying." alexia stepped up protectively, the woman nodding before she stepped away and alexia rolled her eyes. "hey, have you eaten?" alba suddenly realised looking at you as you shook your head.

"vamos, the cafeteria should still be open." alba encouraged as you made no move to argue with her, tucking your hands into the pockets of your hoodie and nodding.

"go call olga. do you want a coffee?" alba checked as alexia nodded appreciatively, all three of you parting ways. you seemed lost in your own head as you arrived to the cafeteria, alba bumping you gently with her shoulder and nodding for you to pick something.

anxious and uptight you simply chose a sandwich, not really wanting to eat but knowing your sister well enough that if you didn't pick something she'd just pick for you.

"coffee?" alba offered as you shook your head, quickly paying for your sandwich before she could. "hey! i would have gotten that." your sister shoved you lightly as you shrugged, alba relieved when you didn't complain about the slight touch. "i have money." you replied dismissively, moving to take a seat while alba waited for their coffees.

it would seem you were hungrier than you realised as you polished off the sandwich in a few bites, finishing right as alba grabbed the coffees and you stood to follow her back to the waiting room, grateful she wasn't trying to push a conversation.

you took your seat again on the other side of the room to your sisters, missing the way their eyes raked over you with concern at how you stared blankly off into space, not a hint of emotion present in your features.

you of course were plagued with emotions, especially a growing anxiousness toward all the 'what ifs' which came with your mami's hospitalization and all the unknown details.

but determined to prove once and for all you weren't a baby anymore you'd bottled these feelings up, keeping them under lock and key in your own mind as you did your best not to let them show.

though as more time passed that anxiety grew and grew and grew and suddenly you couldn't seem to rid your brain of all the worse case scenarios racing around on repeat, sending your body into a sort of shock as you blocked out the world around you.

shaking your head and trying to zone back in you stood, needing a drink of some sorts and remembering having passed a vending machine on your way back from the cafeteria.

alexia watched you go with a small frown, alba having somehow fallen asleep in the hard chair next to her as the time was now nearing midnight and still they'd had no further news.

the overprotective older sister in her told her to call olga and have her come pick you up and take you to their home, though the slightly quieter but more rational side knew if she even suggested that it would only upset you and you'd refuse.

when a few minutes passed and you didn't return alexia grew a little worried, shaking a grumpy alba back awake and shoving half a cold coffee into her hand before following after you.

you glared at the vending machine in annoyance as again you tapped your phone to pay and punched in the numbers for the drink you wanted but it made no move to deliver it to you.

"vamos!" you shook it hoping that might help though to no avail as again nothing happened. trying another two times you were getting dangerously close to a breakdown as all of your bottled up emotions simmered on the surface and you gave the machine a hard kick.

finally the arm moved and grabbed the drink you wanted, but your eyes widened in disbelief as it seemed to die before it could drop into the awaiting chute, the entire machine going dark.

and that, that was what caused you to snap.

a string of curses left your mouth and hot tears welled up in the corner of your eyes as you kicked the machine over and over, missing alexia appear at the end of the hallway and race toward you.

"hey hey hey." you tensed as her arms grabbed your biceps and pulled you away, delivering one last hard kick to the machine before alexia had tugged you out of reach.

"get off!" you grunted though it came out as more of a choked up broken sob as alexia's heart dropped and despite the warning voice in the back of her head she refused to let go.

"alexia let go of me!" you cried out trying to pull away but your sister shook her head. "no." you weren't sure if it was the tone of her voice, your sheer exhaustion or the final overflow of the emotions which had been simmering for the last few hours but you gave in.

it was now alexia who tensed up in surprise as you suddenly turned in her arms and hugged her tightly, fists balling at her jumper as alexia relaxed and held you.

"está bien fresa, está bien. mami will be fine, everything will be fine." your sister cooed, hand rubbing small circles on your back as the other cradled your head which pressed into her shoulder.

a nurse walking past gave alexia a sympathetic smile which she returned, whispering assuring words in your ear and holding you tightly, no different than she would when you were upset and much younger.

after a few minutes you managed to calm yourself down a little, and realising who it was that was actively holding you had you pulling away and wiping your eyes with the corner of your sleeves.

"do you want to go for a walk?" alexia offered softly, and as much as the prospect of being alone with her wasn't ideal you really weren't up for returning to the silent stark white waiting room just yet so you nodded.

"wait." alexia held up a finger, glancing around to make sure no one was around before quite literally ramming her body shoulder first into the vending machine as your drink dropped down into the chute from the force.

"needed a footballers touch." your sister smiled handing it to you as you quietly thanked her. not really with any destination in mind the two of you started to wander, a comfortable distance between you as alexia ignored the urge to tuck you into her side like she would when you were younger.

"i do not think i have been in hospital this time of night since you broke your arm." alexia chanced a conversation, sending you a look which you met with a frown.

"i didn't break it alba broke it." you muttered with a slight huff causing a smile to curl onto your sisters lips at the memory.

you were eight years old and eli was working a night shift which left you in the care of both your older sisters for the evening.

showered and dinner had you'd all been watching a movie, dirty dancing, one you found incredibly boring and made a point to tell both your sisters this repeatedly throughout the entire film.

"he's strong!" you marveled as suddenly the main actor lifted his female counterpart into the air, holding her up easily and turning her around mid air. "pft thats easy!" alba dismissed with a scoff as you lifted your head from alexia's lap.

"you couldn't do it, chicken legs." you challenged as alba shot you a filthy glare which had you shrinking into your eldest sister who'd fallen asleep not long after the movie started, having trained twice today and gotten up early for a run.

"could too!" alba shot back as you shook your head. "could not." "could too!" "could not!" "could too!" "could not!"

"cállate por favor!" alexia interjected with a tired groan, eyes fluttering open and her hand moving to cover your mouth as you went to continue the argument.

"you are arguing with an eight year old?" alexia sighed at alba who rolled her eyes but ignored the question. "i could fresa. vamos, we will do it right now!" your middle sister stood and gestured for you to do the same as you wrenched alexia's hand off you.

"what are you both doing now? she should be in bed alba!"" alexia exhaled deeply, her own bed also calling her name. "bah! in a minute. go get a run up hermanita." alba ordered as you shrugged and jumped down from the couch.

"i do not even know what is happening and i know its a bad idea." alexia sighed rubbing her eyes with a shake of her head. "vale fresa, on my count!" alba encouraged readying herself as alexia watched on with a raised eyebrow.

"tres, dos, uno!" you sprinted on one, jumping as she grabbed you and indeed lifted you easily into the air. "muy bonito. the putellas hermanas everyone!" alexia's voice dripped with sarcasm as she clapped slowly with a roll of her eyes.

but what all three of you failed to miss was alba backing up dangerously close to the coffee table, alexia noticing just a millisecond too late.

"alba watch out for the-" the brunette started to warn before your sister made contact and tripped backwards. you hardly blinked then your body was dropping to the ground and a sickening crunch was heard.

"ay dios mio!" alba sat up and paled seeing your arm as you let out a scream, alexia dropping to her knees without a second thought and scooping you up. "get the car keys now!" she barked at alba who scrambled to her feet and raced off.

"hey hey hey fresa está bien, estás bien. don't cry nena don't cry!" alexia cooed, covering your eyes so you couldn't look down at your arm which was very clearly broken, your sobs muffled into her jumper as she sprinted out to the car, alba sliding into the drivers seat as alexia sat beside her still cradling you tightly in her arms.

"ale shouldn't she sit in the ba-" "drive alba! now!"

"she might have broke it but i'm the one who got in trouble for it!" alexia rolled her eyes with a small smile as you both turned around and headed back the way you came.

"i still was the worst off because it was my arm that was broken!" you reminded with a grunt. "hey you got a cast and jenni drew all over it, closest you got to having tattoos." alexia shrugged and you allowed yourself a small smile.

"and then you yelled at jenni and made her scribble over what she drew." you chuckled as alexia groaned. "because you were not going to school with detailed female anatomy on your arm." alexia sighed.

"it was educational!" "don't quote her! it was very inappropriate for an eight year old."

"that cast was so itchy it was the worst!" you sighed with a shake of your head. "then you threw a tantrum because it was white and not coloured." alexia teased lightly as you rolled your eyes.

"because liliana also broke her arm the week after and she got a red cast, and then everyone said she was faster than me." you frowned at the memory. "sí because red is the fastest colour?" alexia laughed beside you.

"obviously alexia, everybody knows that." you sighed as you both returned to the waiting room and at the tense atmosphere you clamped up again, falling silent and returning to your chair making your sister frown.

"anything?" alexia asked taking her own seat next to alba again. "she is done with tests for the night but still out of it, her breathing is better but her heart beat is still very irregular so they will monitor her closely." alba explained with a sigh, her eyes hovering over to you.

"anything?" her younger sister echoed the question back to alexia in regards to you now. "she had a slight meltdown but she didn't want to talk about it, got a hug out of her though and then we went for a walk and talked about when you broke her arm trying to do that stupid lift." alexia explained.

"and i proved i could do it!" alba defended as alexia gave her a side eye. "alba that is what you take from what i said?" the eldest putellas scoffed as alba shrugged, though before either girl could say anything the nurse from earlier reappeared and waved alexia over.

"you and your sisters should go home. you will not be able to see your mami until she is awake and more stable which will not be before tomorrow at least. she cannot afford anything to stress her out or affect her heart rate further until we have more answers on what caused the cardiac arrest." the nurse explained as alexia frowned but nodded.

"you are her emergency contact sí? we will call you once things change and you can all see your mami. but for now go home and rest, you cannot do anything else for her right now and she is in the best place being well looked after." the nurse encouraged before leaving again.

your eldest sister quickly filling alba in you were so zoned out you hadn't even seen her speak to the nurse, staring off into space as alexia took the seat beside you and bumped her shoulder into yours softly to gain your attention before filling you in.

"okay." you nodded quietly, glancing anxiously over your shoulder toward the doors where you'd last seen eli with a pained expression. "hey, they are right hermana there is nothing else we can do. you will come home with me and stay the night and we can go and see mami once she is awake." alexia's words had you shaking your head.

"its fine just take me home, i will be fine." you declined the offer firmly.

"i wasn't asking. you will stay with olga and i tonight and we can talk more about it tomorrow, its late and i think we all need some sleep. i will sleep better knowing you aren't in that house by yourself." alexia spoke softly but firmly, admittedly surprised when you gave in with a curt nod, making no move to argue.

"and you will call me as soon as you hear anything?" alba stressed as alexia sighed tiredly, unlocking her car for you to get into a little while later. "sí. as soon as i hear anything you will know!" alexia promised, drawing her younger sister into a hug before alba walked off to her own car and alexia slid into the drivers seat.

respecting that it didn't seem you were in any mood to talk alexia didn't try to make you, having already paid for her parking she slipped the ticket in and pulled out of the lot.

you watched the dimply lit streets of barcelona fly past in a blur, music filling the somewhat awkward tension in the car helping it to ease a little and before you knew it alexia was parking in the garage of her complex.

you exited the car and followed her into the elevator, still not a single word shared between either of you as your sister twirled her keys around on her finger and you both stepped out onto her floor.

alexia hadn't even turned the key in the door before it was swinging open, olga stood there with a sympathetic smile as you shuffled inside, wrapping your arms around yourself a little awkwardly as your sister kissed her girlfriend hello and closed the door.

"hermana do you want a shower? something to eat? drink?" alexia tried with a smile as you shook your head. "i'm tired." you hinted heavily, shifting from one foot to another and sending olga a small smile.

"vale, spare rooms all made up." alexia nodded behind you and with a quiet good night mumbled you were gone, door closing after you with a click as alexia seemed to deflate now you were no longer there.

"vamos mi amor, you look exhausted." olga encouraged softly, grabbing her girlfriends hand and alexia made no move to fight as she was pulled to her own bedroom, quickly changing and laying down in bed before filling olga in on everything.

"hey that sounds like some steps forward cariño? even just baby ones." the younger girl smiled softly as alexia hummed, the two finished speaking about eli and now moving onto you.

"and she came to your game, no?" olga continued as alexia shrugged. "because mami made her, and she'd rather talk to mapi than me." a slightly jealous pout curled onto her lips making her girlfriend chuckle and run a hand through her hair.

"she posted about going to the game? thats something." olga tried again as alexia gave her an odd look. "where? i did not see that." your sister frowned as olga grabbed her phone and clicked into instagram.

"see? shows she is not embarrassed to be at your game." olga showed your story as alexia's frown deepened and she was quick to grab her own phone from the nightstand.

"i don't see it?" your sister showed that your profile showed no story, comparing it side by side to olga's screen.

"amor what does this mean?" she pointed to the green trim around the edges of your story on olga's screen. "its on her close friends story." olga explained as alexia's eyes widened.

"she has a close friends story? why?" "a lot of people have them for privacy and stuff hermosa, especially teenagers." "privacy?" "sí, they might post stories that they do not want all their followers to be able to see so they have a close friends story where they can control who see's certain things." "and you....you are on her close friends." "sí, and lo siento mi amor but it looks like you are not."

"qué! i'm not going to show her stories to mami!" alexia scoffed as olga avoided her eyes. "why would she not want me on her close friends? i am a cool older sister!" alexia protested, clearly spiraling at this new information

"what? you want to say something, what?" alexia sat up a little and pressed her girlfriend who sighed. "querida. te quiero, mucho mucho mucho." olga started, grabbing alexia's hands in hers and kissing her knuckles.

"but you are...awkward ale. very very awkward!" olga winced as alexia's mouth formed a small o and she pulled her hands away. "no i am not! i play for barça, i go to fun events, i go to restaurants and bars and i travel and take nice photos. i take lots of photos of you all the time! i'm cool, i am!" alexia spiraled further as olga grabbed her hands again.

"you are thirty alexia, she is seventeen. i am sure its not personal! you are very cool amor, very cool." olga cooed in an attempt to soothe the blonde who scowled, crossing her arms and laying back down in bed.

"you are to your hermanita probably just...a little too old for her close friends story mi vida." "olga!"

you jolted upright in bed, body drenched in sweat and chest heaving as you struggled to catch your breath, tucking your knees up to your chest and rocking slightly with your eyes closed.

you hadn't had a nightmare in years but the one you'd just awoken from after the day you'd had meant your entire body was rigid and coiled with a cocktail of anxiety and dread.

being in your older sisters house in a bed and room that wasn't yours was not helping in the slightest. as your eyes adjusted to the darkness you kicked off the unfamiliar sheets which felt sticky and foreign against your skin.

managing to slow your breathing down a little you found your throat was dry, stripping off your hoodie and quietly leaving your room. a quick glance down the hall showing alexia's bedroom light was off you made a beeline for the kitchen.

you checked a few different cupboards before finally finding the glasses, doing your best to be quiet as you filled it with water and chugged it down, not hearing the soft footsteps which followed yor own.

"hermana?" you jumped a foot in the air and just caught the now empty glass by your fingertips as you nearly dropped it, grabbing at your chest and bending over a little as alexia stepped more into view.

"don't do that!" you warned in a harsh whisper, filling up the glass again and stepping aside as alexia grabbed her own glass and did the same. "lo siento. why are you up?" your sister asked with a concerned frown as you pointed to the glass in your hand and took a seat at the counter.

"did you have a nightmare? you only used to get up for water in the middle of the night when you had a bad dream." alexia asked softly once a few minutes passed and you hadn't made a move to return to your room.

you stayed silent as alexia leaned on the counter, not wanting to push you but watching the look of internal termoil clear on your face as your hands gripped the glass sat in front of you.

"if mami died i'd be all alone."

your words caught alexia off guard, a horrible sinking gut wrenching heart crushing feeling settling in her stomach as neither of you moved or spoke a word for at least a minute.

then once she seemed to snap out of the trance she'd been sent into she was rounding the counter, the thump of her glass against the counter bringing you back down to earth too and before you could take a breath there were hands either side of your face.

"no, no no no no. fresa you would never ever ever be alone. i would not let that happen no matter what i promise. i love you mi hermana, far too much to ever let you be alone. i would do anything for you!" alexia whispered out, holding your face firmly in your hands and her heart ached more seeing the tears pool in the corner of your eyes.

"then why did you stop trying to show me that? i have felt alone for the last year alexia! i felt like i have only had mami for the last year!" you could barely get your words out without your voice cracking, alexias stomach plummeting.

"because i am stupid and selfish and i saw you having friends and a life and i assumed you didn't need me around as much which was so wrong. i stopped checking in, i stopped making an effort and i hurt you. it is my biggest regret fresa, and not a day will go by where i will not wish i could change what has happened but i can't!" alexia's own eyes bore into yours filled with remorse.

"i know you are grown up now, but you will always be mi baby hermana. the same baby i held when you were born, watched learn how to talk and walk and whose hand i held when i walked you to school, who would steal my clothes or hide my boots so i didn't have to go to training because you would miss me and you couldn't come with me." alexia rambled, too far gone now to stop herself from word vomiting.

"the same baby who copied everything i did and snuck into my bed at night because you didn't like to sleep alone, who i would carry to the car when you fell asleep under the table at christmas dinner, who i tried to force to like football and accidentally knocked your front teeth out when i hit you in the face with the ball." alexia exhaled and finally stopped to take a breath before looking like she was going to continue.

"alexia." you sighed and pulled her hands away from your face.

"i know you and alba are trying, but it is really hard for me to see it as sincere when i tried for so long to tell you how i felt and neither of you listened." you spoke calmly, having swallowed the tears which wanted to burst forward.

"it is late and i am tired and it has been a really long night, i can't talk about this with you right now." you stood to your feet and went to leave, your sister grabbing your wrist gently as you paused.

"nena you would never be alone, vale? never." her lips ghosted your forehead but you were grateful she didn't pull you in for a hug, worried that would be the thing to tip you over the edge still actively swallowing back tears.

nodding at her words she let you go and the both of you returned back to your rooms though sleep didn't grace either you nor your older sister, both laying now wide awake and staring at the ceiling.

and alexia meant every word, she would fix this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

four

#woso community #woso #woso x reader #alexia putellas x reader #alexia putellas #woso imagine #woso fanfics #woso blurbs

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hollowdeath · 4 months

Text

professor potter

pairing: harry james potter x fem!reader AU (18+)

summary: 2 years after the war, harry accepted a position as a substitute professor at hogwarts and recognized you from his years as a student. old feelings come to the surface as you both try to remain professional to keep his position safe.

content warning: slight teacher/student dynamic (they used to be classmates, reader is 18+), mostly slow burn & angst. smut mostly doesn't happen til the end (masturbation, penetration)

word count: 12.5k

a/n: wrote this for fun between working on requests! thank you to everyone who sends them in, they're so good and i'm excited to post more soon! just another fluffy, angsty harry fic taking place in school w a hint of smut...kinda similar to my last one but thats ok ! as always not exactly book/movie/canon accurate i apologize !

it's your first day of your last year at hogwarts, and you're probably the only student here that's not completely thrilled to be back. young witches and wizards running around you in the halls with their robes dragging on the ground, completely in awe with each other at the architecture and moving portraits.

you have to admit, if hogwarts does anything right, it's the ambience. probably the only thing you'll miss after leaving this year is the magic castle itself, particularly the library and your dorm room, which have been your sanctuaries for the past 7 years. there's just no place in the world, even the wizarding world, you've found, that quite compares to hogwarts.

but no, unfortunately, not even the grandiose castle of every young wizard's dream was enough to make you want to stay here even a day longer than you had to. and trust, you were counting down the days.

there was a lot that went into your disdain for the school. after the war in your 5th year, nothing had been the same. sure, the building was restored to its original form and even had some upgrades installed, but the energy within the walls felt so…unsettling.

it had been more than 2 and half years since then, and most students who remember the war well had either graduated or moved on from it. you, however, continued to feel the effects of it every day.

you've had a lot of personal struggles since then mentally, which affects your social life. you've overheard your friends talking about how they don't feel like you're the same person and you inevitably bring them down. it wasn't long after that they stopped talking to you completely. you didn't bother to rekindle the connection; you were ready to leave this place behind anyways, what was the point in faking a friendship for another year?

even without all that, you truly just hated your classes. you actually used to be a scholar student in your day, consistently making the top of the headmaster's list every year until the war. and you still loved headmaster mcgonagall, of course, you don't think that'd ever change, it was mainly the other professors that gave you a hard time. once you showed signs of struggling and burn out, it was like they just completely gave up on you and moved on to the next eager, bright-eyed bushy-tailed 1st year to dote on.

no matter, because again, you were ready to leave for a variety of reasons. even if you had loved your professors and graduated at the top of the class, you still had no friends to celebrate with. and even if you had those so-called "friends" back in your life, you still felt completely alone with them.

and so you laid in bed, the same bed you've had for 7 years now, retracting the ornate trim on the ceiling like you have a million nights before.

you decided to look back at your schedule once more, floating the paper out of its folder in your bag and towards your open hand. you read through it slowly, but nothing had changed. pretty much the worst line up of classes you've had so far. particularly your least anticipated course, defense against the dark arts.

at this point, you'd had more than enough when it came to the dark arts. those death eaters nearly killed you in that war, and actually did manage to kill too many of your classmates and teachers in the process. you saw your second home crumble in front of you, classrooms you grew up in completely leveled and the bridge burned to the ground, so much death and destruction over nothing but power. you resented the dark magic in this world.

sighing, you set the paper down on your bedside table and roll over, attempting to fall asleep. you have plenty of early classes this year and don't look forward to having to wake up with the sun to make it to them on time.

you're wasting time in the bathroom just before your defense against the dark arts, your last class of the day, when your peace is interrupted by a group of girls who come in giggling and talking rapidly amongst each other. from inside your stall you can't help but tune into their gossip. it's the only thing you could hear and, who cares, you could use some good drama.

you tried to dissect their conversation but they were constantly talking over each other, squealing, giggling, and you couldn't understand a thing. after a few moments of craning your neck towards the door to get a better listen, one girl's voice stood out amongst the rest as she asked, "okay, but, who's going to try and flirt with potter first?" her question was followed by many desperate "me!" "me!" "me!"s, a wave of giggling following.

potter. there's no way…

the bells begin ringing, signaling your next class is starting soon, and the girls go rushing out of the bathroom together. you slowly open the stall door and walk to the closest mirror. pale, like you've seen a ghost.

they couldn't possibly be talking about harry potter, right?

just his name had become plenty famous in its own right. the boy who lived; the boy who lived twice. you hadn't heard his name mentioned in a long time, though that's not hard when you've hardly interacted with anyone here in a long time.

you remembered harry from your years before the war that you had shared with him. he was 2 years ahead of you, so it wasn't often you had the chance to speak with him, but he was pretty much as legendary as one student could be at hogwarts. however, whenever you did manage to have a conversation with him, you always thought he was cute. really cute.

okay, so maybe you had a ginormous crush on him your entire time at hogwarts. but so did pretty much every other girl. but you didn't just think he was cute, you admired his gentle nature and timid personality. despite his heroic and outright dangerous adventures, he was always so kind, so humble…

the bells begin ringing again, meaning you're now late to class. "shit." you mutter, grabbing your bag and stumbling through the bathroom door.

you're jogging to your dark arts class with a racing mind, still wondering why those girls would mention potter's name so randomly.

you turn the corner and see the classroom door is already closed. "shit." you mutter again, stomping your foot. now you have to open the heavy doors and draw everyone's attention towards you, quite literally the last thing in the world you want right now.

sighing, you push open one of the doors, making the loudest noises you've ever heard echo throughout the silent classroom. you walk in and, as expected, all eyes are on you.

you grit your teeth and close the door behind you, making your way towards an empty seat in the middle of the room. the silence lingers as your footsteps hit the ground, trying your best not to make eye contact with anyone. you hear a few snickers and whispers coming from behind, and you can already tell it's your old friend group. you roll your eyes, sighing as you drop your weight into the creaky wooden seat.

you hadn't realized, but headmaster mcgonagall was at the front of the room. you noticed once she continued talking, looking up to see her smiling at you. you returned it. you love how she's always liked you despite your grades slipping lately.

you quickly look back down at your hands as people begin to turn away from you, drawing their attention back to mcgonagall as she continues to introduce the class.

"like i was saying, class, we apologize for the change this semester and hope you'll be understanding of us as we navigate this situation carefully. i suspect you'll all be respectful and courteous to our guest as he donates his time to hogwarts and to you, our students."

you look back up, a confused look on your face. what change? what situation? what guest?

it didn't take you long to connect the dots. it's like everything was in slow motion. the girls talking in the bathroom, the guest, the reason all the front rows of seats in class were completely filled with girls…

"please, class, welcome hogwarts' very own, mr. harry james potter."

all at once, your eyes landed on harry, who had been sitting to the side, obscured from your vision by several girls and a pillar. as he walks towards mcgonagall, eager applause erupt from the girls and the boys offer mediocre claps. you're too stunned to react, watching harry intently as he shakes mcgonagall's hand with that same timid smile.

you can hardly believe your eyes. what is going on? why is he here? and how the hell does he look even better now than he did 2 years ago?

"thank you, headmaster mcgonagall," harry says shyly, turning to the students. his eyes immediately fall on you. you try to convince yourself he's looking just in front of you or even past you, but you can feel his stare into your eyes. its the only thing that breaks you out of your shock.

you blink a few times and slump into your seat, feeling your blood run cold at harry's eye contact. he looks down at the desk he's standing at and shuffles a few papers. you sink even lower into your chair. this can't be good.

"uh, well, hello…everyone," harry says awkwardly, earning some flirtatious giggles from the girls just ahead of you. "it's a pleasure to be here, really, despite the circumstances. uh, i'm sure as some of you know…i've been very close with the weasley family for years and feel devastated for bill– uh, professor weasley, that is," harry corrects himself nervously, clearing his throat and glancing at his papers again.

"and when he reached out to me personally, specifically me out of anyone, to teach in his place for this semester, i couldn't say no to him. so, while it's a real honor to be here with you all, please know it's just for this semester and then professor weasley will be back to continue with the lesson plan in the spring," harry explains, looking around the room yet always letting his eyes land on you specifically with a lingering gaze.

harry goes into the schedule for the semester, the skills you'll be learning, and, well, you can't really focus on what else because you're just completely lost in your own head.

harry potter, the harry potter, is your professor for an entire semester.

you were completely dumbfounded. he couldn't hardly be older than 20 years old at this point. he had only left hogwarts just 2 years prior, yet he looked so different. though the glasses and hair stayed relatively the same, he had matured in the face. a slight beard, defined smile lines, and he'd definitely spent some time in the gym…

seeing him in a button up with his old gryffindor tie on drove you mad. is he really getting you worked up in the middle of class by just standing there? you feel like you're 14 again, staring him down in the courtyard from behind a tree.

it doesn't help that you swear he keeps looking at you. specifically you. his gaze is unmistakable at this point, it can't be a coincidence.

you try to stop yourself from having these thoughts and physical reactions. if he's going to be your professor for an entire semester you have to get over this silly crush that was never going to work out anyway. though you're soon turning 19, it makes no difference if he's working with the school, it would never be allowed…

what are you even saying? as if anything would ever happen except in your dreams. all you're going to do is lust for him until christmas and then he'll be gone again, his name nothing but a spoken legend again.

before you can process all he's said, harry announces that everyone's free to leave once you grab a textbook from him. girls are immediately standing up and running to get in line, and the boys are rolling their eyes as they sluggishly follow behind.

you're inevitably the last one, getting a headache as you listen to girls try to ask harry all kinds of questions for a bit of his attention. he mostly just gives simple answers or laughs them off, referring back to the class or the textbook he was handing them in some way to change the subject.

mcgonagall eventually shoos the girls away, which harry thanks her for in a low tone. he hands a book to each of the boys in front of you before it comes down to you. as the boy in front of you is being escorted away by mcgonagall, you briefly catch harry putting the library card of your book inside the front cover before he closes it.

your eyes connect as he hands the book to you, but he doesn't let go. your heart instantly flutters.

"it's nice to see you again, [y/n]," he says softly, letting the weight of the book fall in your hands.

the way he says your name has you frozen in place. his pretty blue eyes have stayed just as mesmerizing. it takes a moment before you're able to wrap the book in your arms, offering him a friendly smile as you softly reply, "you too, harry…"

you're quickly making your way back to your room with the biggest, cheesiest smile plastered on your face. he remembered you. you had barely ever interacted with harry, only a handful of times as far as you could remember, and you were sure he had completely forgotten about you, or at least forgotten your name. you tried to chalk it up to him having access to the attendance records of the class and reading over your name, but you still felt like a giddy school girl skipping along day dreaming about her crush.

when you got back to your dorm, you set the class textbook down on your desk and went to turn around before looking back at it longingly. harry had just put the library card back in the book before handing it off to you. you were most likely crazy, but something inside you was insanely curious to see if he had done something to the card.

you slowly opened the book and took the card out, a blank piece of cardstock except for a fresh label printed at the top. you sigh, almost putting it back before seeing something on the card catch the shimmer of the light.

you give the card a curious look. you turn it in your hands towards the light, trying to see what's on it. before giving up in frustration, a thought comes into your brain.

no…

you dig into your luggage, still unpacked from the day prior, looking for your old ink and quill. once you find them you come back to the card, setting it on your desk as you open the ink pot. you dip your quill in the ink and touch it to the spot you noticed earlier.

as you watched, the ink collected into letters and numbers, forming a message across the dotted lines of the check out columns. you were stunned. harry actually wrote to you in disappearing ink? you thought you were delusional thinking it was a possibility, but here was the proof plain as day:

[y/n],

hagrid's, 8:30pm

harry

you kept rereading the lines over and over before they slowly disappeared, fading away into the paper. you stood back in pure disbelief. what does this mean? obviously it means he wants to meet with you, but for the life of you you just can't figure out why. you two barely knew one another personally, it had been two years since you'd seen or heard of each other again, and now he's secretly inviting you to hagrid's after hours using disappearing ink? as your substitute professor, too…

from 5-8 pm you mainly paced around your room in both lingering disbelief and unbridled excitement. though you had no idea why harry had invited you out in secret, you were anxious just to be in his presence at his request.

you spent forever deciding on your outfit, feeling a bit silly for putting so much effort into this suspicious rendezvous that you were still clueless about.

sneaking out had become somewhat natural to you over the years. you knew all the blind spots of the castle and could hear a prefect coming from a mile away. you were out of your room and walking down to hagrid's completely unnoticed in less than 10 minutes.

on your way down the hill, your mind is racing with possibilities of what this meeting could entail.

arriving at hagrid's hut, you admire the warm glow of the windows and intoxicating smell coming from the smoking chimney – a mix of wood and garlic. hagrid's pumpkins are just beginning to plump up, his yard scattered with overgrown vines.

as you walk up to the door, a wave of anxiety hits you. knocking seems like the most impossible task in the world all of a sudden.

you steady your breathing, let your heart rate slow, and knock before you have the chance to stop yourself.

a few seconds of some rustling can be heard behind the door before it swings open. harry greets you with a warm smile. no longer dressed for class, harry looks quite adorable in a comfy sweater and baggy jeans standing before you in the hut.

"[y/n], you got my message," he says, clearly impressed. you couldn't believe this was real. he really did leave you that note on purpose. just hearing him acknowledge it made your heart race all over again.

"i-i did," you say in shock, searching his expression for an answer to all your questions. why are you here?

harry gestures for you to come in. "well, join me, please," he insists. you politely smile and enter the hut, the smell of food making your mouth water immediately. "smells amazing in here," you comment under your breath.

harry closes the door, looking back at you with a shy smile. "oh, thank you. it's for us, actually." he tells you, nodding his head towards the dining table.

completely set up with a tablecloth, harry has food plated for the two of you on the tiny table, along with tea still steaming on the stove.

"if you don't mind, of course," he checks with you, his voice soft and unsure. you look back at harry, barely able to grasp what's happening before you reply, "of course,"

he suppresses a grin as he gestures to the table once more. "please," he prompts you. you hand him your bag and jacket before taking your seat at the table, admiring the food he prepared for you. you're still lost in thought when harry asks, "tea?" holding the kettle from the stove.

"please, thank you," you reply. he pours you both cups of tea before bringing them to the table with a smile on his face.

as you're eating you notice a record playing in the corner you hadn't heard earlier. it fills the space nicely as you both take your first bites of dinner. "hope you like it, i wasn't sure what to make," he says nervously.

wiping your lips with a napkin, you simply tell him, "it's lovely,"

after another moment or so, harry sits back in his chair. "so…[y/n]..." he sighs. hearing him say your name like that makes your brain fuzzy for just a second before he speaks again. "you're probably, um, wondering why…"

you stifle a laugh at his stalling, getting a hint of confidence as you interrupt him. "wondering why professor potter secretly invited me to have a home cooked dinner with him?"

harry goes still, his eyes searching your expression as a blush grows over his cheeks. he swallows nervously, blinking and shaking his head before attempting to respond. "u-um, yeah, that,"

smirking, enjoying his nerves, you wait for his explanation with your arms crossed and a raised brow. he clears his throat and diverts his eyes from your gaze. he takes a sip of tea before smacking his lips and looking back at you.

"i just, i haven't seen you…" he starts, eyes softening at you. "i-i know we didn't talk much, but…i always cared for you." the last part was hard for harry to get out, a weight lifting off his shoulders in the process.

you were blushing, but more than that you were sweating. this is like something you would dream about as a kid. hell, even just earlier today…

"when i saw you today…in class…" he seemed uncomfortable referencing that. "i just…a lot of memories came back to me," his hands move with him nervously as he speaks.

he sighs and stands up, his body language clearly stressed. you haven't said a word, you simply can't. what could you possibly say?

harry's facing the fireplace, his head in his hands. "look, i just, now that i'm your professor this semester i just think…" he takes a moment to find the words before turning to you. "i had a crush on you. okay? there. god damn it," harry huffs angrily, rolling his head back as he throws his hands down.

"i had a crush on you for like 3 years, it was stupid, and i don't want it to affect my teaching with you. so…i guess i practically set up a fucking date to tell you this, sent hagrid away for the evening for nothing…" he gestures to the table, sighing in defeat.

you're stunned into silence, to say the least. there aren't words to describe what's going on in your head at this moment.

after a moment harry looks back at you, his gaze softening once again. "[y/n]...please understand i wouldn't be telling you any of this unless i thought there was another way i could deal with it. when i saw you today…it was like i was 16 again," a small smile creeps onto his face before he wipes it away.

"and if i didn't tell you now, it's all i would've thought about when i saw you, so…yeah. there." harry says with a huff, avoiding eye contact with you.

before you can even process what's going on, your body reacts for you. you stand up, walking over to harry, getting his attention off the floor. he looks at you almost with fear in his eyes at how close you are. you sigh shakily before speaking.

"harry…u-um, professor potter…" you correct yourself. "please, just, harry…for now at least," harry insisted, his eyes apologetic.

"harry…" you say, suppressing a grin. "you don't have to worry. really…um, it was definitely mutual, to put it lightly…"

harry gives you a surprised look. "really?"

you roll your eyes, taking a step away from him and towards the fire, enjoying the warmth. "harry, you forget who you are sometimes. essentially every girl i knew had a crush on you at one point."

harry's a little flustered at this statement, also taking a step closer to the fire, and towards you. "i-i wouldn't say that, i was definitely not that lucky back in the day," he jokes.

"so those girls that were practically all over you during class today…?" you tease him. "'oh, professor potter, what can i do to get a good grade?'" you mock their voices, giving him puppy dog eyes as you lean towards him before laughing and turning towards the fire. "is that not luck?" you ask with your arms crossed, a smirk hiding your slight jealousy.

harry's silent for a few moments before you look over at him. you see his eyes dark and fixated on you for just a second before he blinks and shakes his head at you, also turning to the fire. "please. they're children. they crush on any slightly older guy they see."

you roll your eyes again at his denial. "some of them were my age, well on their way to being 19. but, whatever you say."

the fire crackles in front of you two, filling the space and creating a warm glow. "besides…none of them are you." harry says. you look over at him, and he's lost staring at the fire. he feels you looking at him and quickly corrects himself. "i mean, nobody was like you, at least to me, back then…" he trails off awkwardly, wincing at his own choice of words.

you adore his nervous antics. he's just the same sweet, timid boy you remember, except he's a bit taller with a 5 o'clock shadow and looks gorgeous in the glow of a fireplace right now.

"i've really mucked this night up, haven't i? i was supposed to tell you about the crush calmly and professionally, with no inappropriate comments, and send you on your way into the night with your first reading in the textbook…" harry sighs, giving you a pathetic look.

"well…" you start. "your first mistake was probably leaving me a secret note, and cooking me a wonderful dinner," you gesture towards the table. harry lets out a pathetic laugh, shaking his head. "yeah, probably."

you don't know why you feel the need to, but you instinctively grab for harry's hand. he gives you a surprised, scared look.

you try to reassure him with a soft smile. "harry, i appreciate you telling me. i hope it can make this semester easier for you."

harry smiles in return, but it's not genuine. he looks like he's holding back from letting you know how he really feels.

regardless, he invited you two to finish up your food, laughing as you both attempted to resume casual conversation without the awkward air.

surprisingly, the two of you naturally begin to talk up a storm, reminiscing on memories and catching up on what's happened since then. harry tells you about his career as an auror and his experiences that lead him to being able to teach defense against the dark arts. when professor weasley's wife had died of sudden illness, the only person he wanted to take his place was harry.

you're hesitant to tell him about your lack of eventful news, practically hiding your face in embarrassment as you admit that your grades have been suffering since the war.

harry put a reassuring hand on your knee, his chair pushed closer to you. you had both long since finished dinner and just talked, enjoying the fire as harry continued to feed it wood every so often.

you looked up at him, melting at how adorable his tired eyes looked through his glasses. "i get it. trust me." he tells you. his voice puts you at ease, and you don't feel quite as embarrassed as before.

"maybe this semester i could help you. if you'd like, of course," harry offers. you smile. "of course."

as you're slowly making your way towards the door to leave, harry watches you search through your bag to find chapstick. as you're putting it on, he continues to watch you. you sneak a glance at him, his face soft and full of admiration.

"you know, if i may say, in the least inappropriate manner possible…" he says with a laugh, causing you to laugh with him. "you have truly only gotten more beautiful after all this time, [y/n]."

looking over at him, you can feel your face form a cheesy grin with blushing cheeks. "well, thank you, that's very kind," you say, putting your chapstick away and taking another step towards the door. "but, really, i should be saying the same about you."

harry waves you away, but you notice the smile planted on his cheeks. "please," he says sarcastically.

he reaches for the door to open it for you, and finds himself rather close to you by accident. you smile up at him, and he nervously steps back.

"u-uh, thank you for coming tonight, really, even if it was a bit weird…" harry says, an embarrassed laugh following. giggling with him, you take a step outside. "it was nice. but, no more invisible ink. just ask me from now on, okay?" you ask, still giggling at him.

harry shakes his head at himself. "will do."

you give him a warm smile before reaching in for a one-arm hug, resting your head on harry's shoulder for just a second before pulling back. "i'll see you tomorrow, professor potter."

enjoying the shocked and flustered look on his face, you walk away still laughing, making your way up the hill and towards the castle. you heard the door shut behind you quickly after you left, but could feel harry's lingering eyes following you through the window the entire way back.

that night you're laying in bed trying to convince yourself everything that just happened wasn't a dream. if it weren't for your full stomach and muddy shoes sitting by your door you might've convinced yourself it really was all an illusion. rather than dreading the next day of classes, you're actually excited to wake up as it only means you'll see harry sooner.

though you're not sure exactly why. yes you'd had a friendly conversation with him tonight after he admitted his feelings towards you, which still hasn't quite settled in yet…but what happens now? he's still your professor for the next 5 months minimum, and you both know you used to like each other. harry might feel better getting it off his chest, but you were perfectly fine keeping that secret to yourself like you always had. if anything, now it's the only thing you're going to think about every day.

rolling over, you try to fall asleep without thinking about harry too much.

it had been a few weeks since you met with harry that night in hagrid's hut, and things were going…okay, so far.

well, to be completely honest, you had utterly fallen back into your crush on harry harder than you ever had before.

and you tried to stop yourself this time. really, you did. working with harry in class and then stopping by his office at least 3 times a week for his help in other classes was a lot of time to be spending with a professor, and you rather despised just how fast harry made your heart beat or how easily his eyes could distract you.

so you tried your best to convince yourself it was lingering feelings from your past self, even trying to have a crush on other boys in your year to distract your brain. that failed miserably. none of those boys were attractive or interesting on their own, especially in comparison to professor potter…

but you couldn't fool yourself. you still felt the same butterflies seeing harry now like you did in 5th year. when he's talking to you in the quiet of his office, reading your textbook to you, you feel like the only two people in the world. when he fixes your hands to hold the wand properly, or moves your arm for you in the correct pattern to cast a spell, you can't focus for the rest of class. if his eyes linger on you just a bit too long during one of his lectures, a knowing smile growing on his face, you melt in your seat.

there was no denying it. you liked him more now than you ever had before. maybe it's just the sheer amount of time you've spent with him this past month or so, but your feelings for him had never been this strong in the past. there were days where he was quite literally the only thing you thought about, or at least wanted to think about. though you were doing better in your other classes, it was only because of him. you spent barely any outside time putting effort into these classes because, ultimately, you were completely distracted by harry.

and not just the idea of him, but particularly the growing tension you had noticed between you two recently.

you also tried to convince yourself that this was going on in your head. but there were just too many instances of prolonged eye contact, harry sitting a bit too close to you during your tutoring sessions, and lingering hands on your skin that made you question if harry maybe wasn't entirely over his crush either…

not that you tried to make it easy for him. since the semester started, you've been taking some extra time each morning to perfect your hair/makeup, put on your favorite perfumes on days you knew you'd be close to harry, and would even change your outfit completely when going to study with him outside of your school robes to give you a boost of confidence.

not that you needed the boost. lately you could only feel confident in yourself and nothing less. something about learning your life long crush who seemed so unattainable also had feelings for you, and could possibly still, made you feel untouchable. not to mention that any girl you heard talk about him or swoon over him in class just made you laugh to yourself; they had no idea you were with him alone for hours every week goofing off together as he attempted to help you study.

this confidence made its way into other parts of your day outside of harry as well. you were talking more in class, making a few new friends, even going to parties and outings just for the fun of it. you were actually enjoying your time at hogwarts instead of dreading every day. not all because of harry, but it definitely didn't hurt to consider him a friend.

a friend. a professor. an old classmate. a crush. a temporary fixation. your relationship to harry, in your mind, seemed so complicated and sometimes incredibly frustrating. especially when he seemed to flirt with you so subtly. you couldn't stand the, 'is he, isn't he' thoughts. but, at the same time, it just made you more motivated to push the limits to see how he responded.

of course it started with looking good, enjoying his reaction seeing you each day with a small smile and blushing cheeks. then it was making flirtatious jokes and purposefully giving him innocent looks while he rambled about whatever subject to get him flustered and distracted. and, lately, you've stepped it up by wearing shorter and shorter skirts whenever you stop by his office, and have even caught him looking at your legs a number of times when he thinks you're not paying attention.

all this to say, there was definitely tension.

you had to admit you felt a bit guilty, you knew harry valued his position as a substitute professor and was enjoying his time there, and you would feel awful if anything ever happened to cost him this position. he told you about his crush specifically to alleviate it, and your only goal this semester has been to do the opposite.

but, at the same time, you wouldn't act this way if harry didn't also create tension between you two. he also made overtly flirty jokes and comments, even seeming a tad bit jealous whenever you mentioned another boy during your time together. and you weren't stupid, you could tell when he wore the cologne you complimented one time when you were around or had even changed from his school clothes before you came to see him. there was definitely something unspoken going on between the two of you, but you were both afraid of crossing that line and making things complicated. besides, if anything, you both seemed to enjoy this game you were playing of teasing each other in private and then acting normally during class as student and teacher.

honestly, you found it to be insanely erotic, and were more turned on in class than any other time you were with harry due to the secretive nature of everything. his longing gaze as you walk in, his nervous glances towards specifically you, the shift in his voice from talking to one student to talking to you, it was all so subtle yet in plain view. something about wanting what you can't have only made you want it more.

on this particular day, you had been with harry for over two hours studying for an exam for a class you had been struggling with all semester, even with harry's help. you were frustrated, laying your head in your arms with your textbook in front of you, groaning as harry chuckled at you.

"c'mon, [y/n], you've got this. i mean, you did just fine on this last practice test, better than you have all semester really," harry comments, pulling the paper out of your folder. you lift your head up, giving him a mean look. "i got a 75. barely." you deadpan.

"yes, and that's better than what you have been getting." harry stated, trying to hide a smirk. you throw a crumpled up paper at him. "stop, that's not funny," you whine, also trying to hide your laugh.

chuckling, harry stands up and walks towards the bookshelf in his office. "look, i'm just trying to be encouraging here," he says over his shoulder as he scans the rows of books.

you try to get back to your work, but you're just so utterly confused and upset that you close the book with a huff and lean back in your seat with an exasperated expression. harry hears this and turns to you, giving you a sympathetic smile.

he walks back over, picking up the book in front of you and setting it in your bag. "here, we can be done for today. it's not good to push yourself past your limit."

you sigh as you push back the urge to tear up. "sometimes i just feel so stupid," you say in a soft, despondent voice, staring off into the window across from harry's desk.

harry's watching you intently, and nearly drops to his knees as he crouches beside your chair and catches your eyes in his. "hey, you're not stupid. quite the opposite, actually." he says with a genuine voice. you look away, still not believing him.

"really, [y/n], and i'm not saying this as your professor. back in school i was constantly listening to hermione go on and on about your intelligence and class rank. she was incredibly impressed and slightly envious that someone 2 years below her was actually providing some competition at this school." harry says with a laugh.

you can't help but blush like crazy at this confession. hermione had been your academic inspiration for all of your time at hogwarts, and even still now despite your declining lack of effort. you'd had quite a few conversations with her in the past about classes and certain books or authors you both enjoyed, but had no idea she thought that highly of you.

mulling over this information in your head, harry continued to grab your attention with a soft smile and loving eyes. "you're not stupid. different things are harder for different people. you'll get there, and i'll help you. okay?" he asks.

you smile back at him. "okay."

slowly packing up to leave, you and harry both take your time to gather your supplies as you chat about your respective plans for the weekend. you casually mention a party you were thinking of going to. harry perks up at this. "a party?" he asks, a twinge of concern laced in his voice.

you give him a look. "yeah, ever heard of it?" you ask sarcastically, laughing to yourself. "i guess it's one of the slytherin boys' birthdays, or something like that," you wave off, throwing your bag over your shoulder. "apparently it's going to be massive,"

harry continues looking at you with a hint of concern. "well, just…be safe, yeah?" harry comments, his voice uneasy. you laugh at him again, looking at him incredulously. "yes, professor potter, i'll be careful," you tease him. you know harry gets a little squirmy when you call him that outside of class, and it never fails to make you feel powerful.

"besides, i heard the theme is dress to impress, so you already know i'm gonna look so good," you joke, flipping your hair dramatically. harry's tenseness breaks, letting out a chuckle. "well, still. just…be safe." is all he manages to say as you walk with him to the door.

saying your goodbyes as you separate down the hall, you can still feel harry's eyes on you until you disappear around the corner.

the night of the party, you were still unsure if you wanted to go. when a couple girls from class saw you and asked if you were going, they ended up convincing you to come with them. so, you got changed into a flashy dress that fit you well, fixed up your hair and makeup a bit, and met them in the courtyard to walk to the slytherin common room together. they obsessively commented on your outfit, telling you just how good you looked and letting you know you'd have no problem finding a guy to snog tonight.

but, you don't want any guy tonight. if anything, you were walking slowly through the hallways hoping by some chance that harry would cross your path and see just how good you looked. but you knew you weren't that lucky.

upon arriving at the party, drinks are immediately pushed into your and your friends' hands. they were right about the party being massive, as every square foot of the slytherin common room was packed with slightly tipsy students of all ages dancing to the loud music. you had barely finished your first drink before your friends dragged you over to do shots with them, wincing at the burn it left in your throat afterwards.

as the night goes on, you're eventually separated from all the girls you came with. not on purpose, some of them were playing drinking games, some were dancing, and one had even left the party with a guy she was completely into. no hard feelings, everyone was just doing their own thing. you had a few shouting-over-the-music conversations with a couple classmates and drank another cup of the mysterious alcoholic punch being served before deciding to head back to your room. you informed one of your friends, who asked if you wanted her to come with you, but you insisted she stay.

entering the hallway is extremely sobering. the loud music and colorful lights made it easy to ignore the growing drunken sensation, but you were now nervously navigating the halls of hogwarts, slightly intoxicated, attempting to warm yourself up with your hands over your arms. you hadn't even thought to bring a jacket, of course, so you were shivering as you made your way back to your room.

not long after leaving the party, you turn the corner and come face to face with another person. a boy a year under you, though you couldn't remember his name or anything else about him. you're a bit startled, not expecting to see anyone else, but politely apologize and attempt to walk around him.

"hey. you were at the party, right?" he asks, stepping in front of you to prevent you from leaving. you're slightly annoyed by him already, but your intoxicated state makes you bite your tongue. "yeah, just on my way back to my room," you try to end the conversation there, taking another step to get around him.

but he gets in your way again, stepping even closer to you this time. "what's the rush? y'know you had every guy talkin' in there tonight? sure would be nice to take home the prize," he slurs into your face, your nose scrunching at his alcoholic breath. god, this kid's way more wasted than you.

"excuse me?" you scoff, turning your face away from him. he tries to put his hand on your waist but you slap it away as hard as you can, causing him to wince and give you an angry look. "i suggest you leave me the fuck alone," you announce firmly, stancing your feet apart as you get ready to defend yourself further.

just as this guy's about to try again, this time his hands going for your neck, a voice from down the hall echoes loudly, scaring you both. "hey!"

you both turn, and it's harry.

"i would further suggest you leave her alone, mr. williams," he announces as he swiftly walks towards you. the kid laughs him off. "mind your business, huh, potter? this doesn't involve you," he continues to slur, looking like he wants to fight as harry walks up to him, chest to chest.

"it does now. leave and you'll be lucky i don't have you expelled or rather arrested for sexually assaulting a fellow student on campus grounds after hours, while intoxicated might i add," harry spits at him, his eyes full of disgust and rage.

the kid falters a bit, but the alcohol still has him acting cocky, getting in harry's face. "yeah? or what," he asks daringly.

you get between them and put your wand, hidden in your dress, against the kid's throat, making him stiff with wide eyes. "touch him and i will gladly get expelled for hurting you in ways you couldn't even conceive of in your fucking nightmares. do you understand? get the fuck out of here!" you nearly shout at the kid, causing him to turn and run.

you sigh a breath of relief, but quickly begin to feel the anxiety return as you bring your wand down and look at harry.

you can feel your body shaking with anger and fear, and also shivering from how cold you hadn't realized you'd gotten. your cheeks were flushed, your breathing uneven, and nearly on the verge of tears. harry's eyes were still angry, but he gave you a sympathetic look. he promptly took off his jacket and wrapped it around your shivering frame, enveloping you in a hug in the process. it's hard not to let the tears flow just a bit as you rest your head in his chest. you felt so vulnerable with him in that moment.

"here, let's get you back to your room, yeah?" harry says softly, turning your shoulders and guiding you down the hall. you realize you had sobered up during the ordeal, your eyes focusing and walking straightening out as you follow the corridors. once harry begins guiding you down your hallway, you slow to look up at him with a curious expression.

"how do you know where my room is?"

harry's a bit stunned by your question, searching for an answer before you began to think more. "and, wait," you stop walking and turn to him. "how did you even find me?" you ask breathlessly. harry continues to look guilty as he searches for an answer. smirking, you pull his jacket on you closer.

"professor potter, if i didn't know better, i'd say you were watching me tonight," you tease him in a flirty voice. "surely that's not the case, is it?"

harry looks around you two nervously, clearly starting to feel anxious for his actions. all you could do was smirk. you knew he still liked you.

harry sighs, avoiding your eye contact with a completely red face. "look, i just had a bad feeling about that party, okay?" he says simply. you continue to stare at him with a knowing look. "i couldn't sleep tonight knowing something could've happened to you. something like that fucking kid…" harry gets worked up just thinking about it again before stopping himself and calming down. "i'm sorry. it was wrong of me, and completely inappropriate."

your smirk drops into a soft smile. you can't help but feel your stomach erupt into butterflies hearing him admit he was watching you tonight specifically to make sure you were safe.

you softly put your hand to his cheek, causing him to look at you. he looks apologetic, concerned, and sad, his eyes searching yours as he slightly leans into your touch.

"thank you, harry." you say just above a whisper, your voice genuine and loving.

he sighs again, a bit relieved, a bit sad. his hand goes for yours, holding it for just a moment before he gives it back to you, letting go as he looks towards your door.

"well," he starts off, his voice cracking. "i'll leave you here for the night,"

smiling, you nod and take a step towards your door. you slip his jacket off of you and hand it back to him with a grateful, warm smile. he returns the smile as you're opening your door and waving goodbye at him.

as you're getting ready for bed, you replay the events of tonight over and over. you imagine harry watching you leave your room without you having any clue, meeting up with your friends, leaving the party in a daze, attempting to escape that guy before harry decided he had to step in and protect you.

you felt a bit silly for ever thinking harry's crush on you had stopped. even his subtle clues weren't very subtle thinking back now. maybe back in year 5 you assumed you were crazy for thinking he was looking at you funny, but now, nearing 3 years later, and learning he's liked you the whole time, you couldn't deny his longing gaze.

laying in bed, you decided you had to properly thank harry in some way for tonight, and you knew exactly how.

the next day, you paid a special visit to diagon alley with a friend to buy something special for harry. when she asked why you would ever possibly buy something like that for yourself, you make up some story about needing it for a class. she doesn't believe you, but goes along with it anyway and continues to have fun with you on your sunday out shopping.

you head towards his office in the afternoon when he usually spends his time grading assignments and working on the following week's lesson plan. you practically had his schedule memorized after coming to study with him so often.

softly knocking on the door, harry lets out a, "come in,"

you enter the office and he smiles at you immediately before it falters, his eyes then landing on the wrapped box in your hands. "surprise," you say with a shy voice.

he lets out a huff, looking back at you with a disbelieving expression. "[y/n]..." he carries off.

"it's just a little something," you say as you walk towards his desk, setting it down carefully in front of him. "a thank you, for last night," you tell him.

his eyes move back and forth from the box to your eyes, not knowing what to say. a few moments pass before he stands. "[y/n], i can't accept this…" he sighs. "what i did last night, i mean…it shouldn't have happened that way," he says curtly.

you tilt your head to catch his gaze, giving him a warm smile. "you did nothing wrong," you reassure him. you gesture to the gift. "please," you insist.

harry's shoulders relax, giving you an embarrassed smile as he slides the box closer to him, admiring the wrapping. "this is gorgeous, did you do this?" he asks, pointing at the sparkly ribbon and personalized name card. you proudly smile and nod your head.

harry admires it for another moment before carefully untying the ribbon and lifting the lid off the box. he gasps at what he sees.

a signed, hardcover, gold leaf detailed first edition defense against the dark arts textbook from his favorite auror. he had talked to you about seeing it at the bookshop but not wanting to spend the money or not having the place to display it or whatever his excuse was. you had taken note of this comment and when you saw it wasn't as expensive as harry had made it seem you knew it was perfect.

"[y/n]...you didn't…" he utters, practically falling back in his chair as he continues to stare at the cover. you giggle fondly at his reaction. "go ahead, open it up," you tell him excitedly. he can hardly move, but he eventually takes the book out of the box and admires it in his hands. he flips the cover open, sees the signature, and smiles. then, he looks at the inside of the cover and his expression drops.

"i had it personalized, if that's okay with you," you ask anxiously. on the inside of the leather bound cover you had a pressing engraved that said 'harry james potter'.

harry's in shock, his fingers running across the pressing softly. "[y/n], this is…" he trails off, continuing to admire the book as he flips through it, landing back on the inside cover, admiring his name once more.

"thank you." harry says, looking at you with so much love in his eyes it makes your heart burst. it was worth every penny seeing him in awe in front of you like this.

"well, thank you," you respond, smiling, holding your arms behind your back.

harry abruptly stands up, stepping around his desk and pulling you in for a desperate hug. you're a bit surprised, your arms wrapping around his waist as he continues to pull you closer and closer.

after a minute or so of the most comforting hug you've experienced outside of last night in that hallway, harry separates from you only slightly to look down at you. your faces are close enough to feel the breath of the other person.

you just want to tell him, 'fuck it, who cares, nobody's here, just kiss me, please, release this tension', but before you can even consider it, harry breaks the silence.

"i still love you," he says so softly, his face wincing as the words fall from his lips. your breath hitches. love?

"fuck," harry mutters, almost stepping away from you until you pull him closer to you, putting your lips close enough to his they're nearly touching. "please. kiss me. just kiss me. please." you practically beg, your hand finding its way to harry's neck.

"[y/n], we can't, i can't–" "just once, please, maybe it'll stop if we just, please…" you interrupt him, hoping he understands what you're implying, your noses rubbing together.

harry takes a few moments before practically whimpering as he connects your lips to his, wrapping you in his arms tightly. you immediately melt into him, letting the kiss consume you as your hands pull harry closer to you.

it only takes a few seconds before harry has you up on his desk, his hands gripping your ass under your skirt. the cold of the wood on your exposed skin makes you gasp, and harry's tongue quickly slips past your lips.

it's everything you imagined, and the fact that this is happening in his office is just making you even more turned on. you had played this scenario in your head so many times, and it hardly felt real once it was actually happening. and on the desk you spent so many hours at, pining over him and fantasizing him taking you like he is right now.

after a few minutes of making out and needy groping through your clothes, harry pulls away breathlessly. opening your eyes you see he's completely flushed, his hair slightly messy as he nervously takes his hands off you.

you awkwardly clear your throat, your hands falling to your sides and resting back on the desk. harry takes a step away, straightening his tie and fixing his hair. you hop off his desk and adjust your skirt.

the silence between you is awkward, but there's just nothing to say. the kiss only left you wanting more, of course, it was pointless to ever hope it would quell your feelings in some way.

"well," harry begins, his voice shaky and quiet. "that didn't work."

you let out a nervous laugh, coughing to cover it up. "yeah…sorry." you mumble.

harry sighs. "no, i'm sorry. i'm technically your superior, i shouldn't be doing this to you. leading you on, flirting with you, for fuck's sake, following you around after hours…"

you shake your head. "look, i'm not kissing professor potter, okay? i like you, harry. i've liked you since i was 13. i don't want to ruin your position here either, and i'll stop if that's what you truly want…" you choke up just a bit before swallowing it back. "but, just, please, stop blaming yourself. i want this, too."

the silence returns, harry clearly thinking over what you said as his eyes stare off beside you. you're anxiously shifting your weight, watching his face get lost in his own thoughts.

"i can't risk this job," harry says finally. "i don't give a shit about the money, pay me everything in the world i would still want you…" he mumbles. you feel your stomach drop at this sentiment. you want him so, so badly. but…

"but…" harry says.

you smile at him sadly, knowing what's coming. "i can't let down bill, or mcgonagall, or any professors or students here who may actually still like me," he says with a dry laugh. "if we ever got caught, and i just know we would, and what would happen to you…i just–" "i know, harry," you interrupt him, taking a small step towards him.

he smiles at you sadly as well. "and i agree. it's not worth it. well, you're worth it, of course…" you say shyly, diverting your gaze before continuing. "but, it's too risky. you deserve to finish out this semester without that hanging over your head, y'know?"

harry stares at you lovingly, no attempt to hide his adoration for you in this moment. "you're truly incredible. you know that?" harry comments softly.

you respond by blushing and crossing your arms. he hums softly, his smile taking over his cheeks. "thank you, really, for everything, if things were any different, i wish…" harry stumbles. you smile at him again. "i know."

harry returns to his gift, admiring the book in his hands over and over before putting it on the bookshelf next to his desk. he admires it there for a while as well before thanking you again.

as you're getting ready to leave, harry stops you for a moment. "if you don't mind, i'd still love to help you in your other classes. and, just, remain friendly in general still, if possible…"

you melt again at his soft demeanor. harry's such a sweetheart it's heartbreaking. all you want is to kiss him again. it's all you've wanted since he stopped.

"of course."

it's the end of the semester, and you have mixed feelings about it. on one hand you're dying for a break from classes. you've done the best you have in years this semester, and it's exhausted you. but you're incredibly grateful, for a lot of things. your new friends, your rediscovered love for hogwarts and magic in general, your overall improved attitude and mentality.

with special thanks to a certain substitute professor…

harry. this semester was definitely a rollercoaster for you when it came to harry. though, towards the end, things fell into place a bit more as you both accepted and embraced your odd, yet effective routine. professional student-professor relationship in public; smitten, teasingly love-sick old classmates in the comfort of his office walls. nothing further than lingering hands, loving stares, and the occasional compliment towing the line of what's inappropriate and what isn't.

though the dynamic wasn't ideal, you grew to love it for what it was. a simple, longing love that wasn't exactly unspoken anymore, but sure felt like it each passing day as you both pretended that kiss never happened.

that kiss. you swear you think about it every day. you long for harry to grab you like that again, to slip his tongue past your lips again…sometimes, late at night, it's all you can think about. sometimes just the thought of it makes you need to touch yourself, remembering how desperate he was for you, the feeling of his lips on yours, sitting on his desk in his office, just the image of it from outside of your own perspective could bring you to your orgasm alone in your room.

to say you were anxiously counting down the days until classes were over and harry technically wasn't employed with hogwarts anymore was an understatement. though you hadn't spoken about it with him, you felt it was okay to maybe consider that he would want to continue things further with you once his substitution was over. you kept your guard up as you knew he could still be uncomfortable with it while you were a student in general. but a large portion of you was practically praying that wasn't the case. you physically couldn't resist him much longer.

you were staying on campus for christmas this year, mostly just to savor your last holiday here, but also to continue seeing harry if possible.

it was the last day of classes, and you learned you passed all your exams with flying colors. you showed up to dark arts class early to inform harry excitedly, and he congratulated you with the same level of excitement.

"i knew you could do it! i told you you were smart." he beams. "i am so, so proud of you, [y/n]."

you want to hug him so badly, he's helped you so much this semester, you wouldn't have cared enough to try and get these kinds of grades without his guidance. but it's too public, and the risk is too high, so you just settle on an awkward high five and laugh emptily.

as other students walk in, you both pretend the moment never happened, and you sit in your seat without looking up from the floor.

the class is simple and rather uneventful as it's mostly everyone's last class of the semester. harry actually hands out christmas cookies hagrid made for everyone, and they're mediocre in taste, but the designs are so adorable you can't resist finishing it.

harry gives you all a speech thanking the class for trusting him to teach this semester, and for being respectful of him and professor weasley's lessons. he talks about how he's always thought about being a professor, but actually ended up despising the paperwork, and just missed his old job, which caused the class to chuckle with him.

he dismissed everyone with a happy christmas, specifically towards you, of course.

your heart aches a little as you leave the classroom and head to your room. you're going to miss harry as a professor, even if it caused complications in other aspects, it was inspiring to see him be so intelligent, helpful, and supportive in class. of course you were biased, you always found him to be amazing, but something about watching him teach a young wizard how to do a spell correctly for the first time just made you admire him so deeply.

you decided to rest for the night, knowing harry would be here for at least another day to collect all his items and clean the classroom up for professor weasley. you could talk to him then, what exactly about you weren't sure just yet, but you knew you had to tie up these loose ends before they drove you mad.

the next afternoon, you're practically one of the only students roaming the halls. most everyone leaves the first day of break to go home, and by christmas there's only a handful of students left.

arriving at harry's office door, you admire it one last time. your little sanctuary away from the world.

you knock, but to your dismay, there's no answer.

you knock again, a bit louder, but still, nothing. you decide to peak in, and notice how barren the desk looks from afar.

fuck. there's no way harry's left without speaking to you first.

you quickly walk to the dark arts classroom just down the hall, hoping he's cleaning and organizing it, but find it empty and dark. your heart sinks. he's gone.

you slowly walk back to your room, deciding you'll grab your coat and visit hagrid to see if harry's with him there. you try not to let your disappointment overcome you, there's still a chance you could talk to him…

entering your room, you immediately head for your coat rack by the window. you start to slip it on when you hear your door close, knowing you left it open on purpose to quickly leave.

you turn around, and it's harry.

you gasp, immediately dropping the coat and running to him, jumping into a hug. he laughs at your reaction, but embraces you nonetheless.

"hi, love," he says softly, resting his head on top of yours. you could hardly contain yourself at the pet name. it communicated so much to you with so little effort.

you look up at him, barely able to believe what's happening. harry looks at you knowingly. this unspoken tension. it was going to be the death of you.

as harry begins leaning in, you crash your lips together with his, immediately engulfing him into a heated, wanting, needing kiss.

harry's more than happy to give in to you. it's clear he's thought about this just as much as you have. he finished all his professor duties as soon as he could so he could officially, finally, be yours.

you guide harry to your bed, pushing him onto it as he gives you an impressed look, clearly intrigued by your repressed desperation.

you crawl onto his lap, immediately pulling him back into the kiss. harry's hands are all over you, finally, after fantasizing about it every night in this very same bed for months.

the kiss is desperate, full of moaning and getting sloppier by the minute. harry's squeezing and slapping your ass so hard you whimper in his arms, your hands gripping his button up tightly.

"fuck, [y/n], need you so bad, please," harry moans into your kiss, his hands sliding up your back. you reach to take your shirt off, left in just a bra and tiny skirt, as you start untying his tie and unbuttoning his shirt.

harry's staring at you with hunger in his eyes. "do you even understand how badly i've wanted you? you and these fucking skirts, you must think i'm stupid." he growls, pulling at the hem of your skirt. you blush and stifle a giggle, overwhelmed with how insanely hot you found this to be.

"think that's funny? you think it was funny when i had to stand in class all day and not stare at your perfect legs through your robe? anytime i gave a lecture and just looking at you turned you into a needy slut," harry grabs your hair, turning your attention to him as he unbuttons the rest of his shirt with his other hand. "was that fun for you, hm? did you enjoy teasing me all semester?"

you can't say anything. all you can do is nod. you were so turned on you could hardly think straight.

"i bet it was," he says, examining your desperate expression, his words dripping with desire.

he pulls you in for another kiss, and you help him take off his shirt. his skin was warm, soft, and his shoulders were broad. you moved your lips to his neck, leaving an obvious bite just below his collar to finally mark what was yours.

harry groans, his hands reaching behind your back to swiftly undo your bra. he helps pull it off of you, marveling at your chest. "beautiful," he tells you before attaching his lips to your skin. you hold his head against you, savoring the feeling and sight of harry leaving hickeys along the soft skin of your boobs.

his hand cups one softly as his tongue circles your nipple, watching you through his glasses as you melt into his hands. "harry…" you moan, your hand running through his soft hair.

he continues, starting to suck on your nipple softly with closed eyes, his other hand pulling up your skirt to feel your wetness through your panties.

you immediately whimper and lean into harry's touch, desperate for this for so long. "f-fuck," you stutter breathlessly.

harry smiles, taking his lips off of you to look up at your blushing face. "so wet already," he smirks.

you cover his face with your hands, embarrassed, giggling, continuing to further lean into his hand for pleasure.

he laughs and removes your hands, his eyes full of lust just looking at you in his lap.

"i need you, now," he insists, pushing you further onto his growing erection through his slacks. you let out a breathy moan feeling just how hard he is already. he's just as desperate as you've been for him.

"is that okay?" he asks carefully, watching for your reaction. you laugh a bit. "please. i've waited long enough." you joke.

you help harry take his pants and boxers off, as well as your skirt and panties, leaving you both naked in your room.

he sat back down on the bed, and invited you into his lap again. "just like this is perfect," he says, guiding your hips and admiring your body as you sit with his cock between you two, your eyes barely able to look away from it.

harry pulls you in for a kiss, his hands traveling over your body and stopping at your pussy again, his hand feeling just how wet you are. he moans into your kiss along with you and begins to slip his fingers inside of you, slowly, letting you react to him.

harry pushes further and further into you until you're practically riding his hand, your kiss barely kept together with you bouncing, desperate for more. "please," you insist, your hand gently grasping for his precum soaked cock.

harry smiles, gently pulling his fingers away before letting you guide yourself onto him. slowly at first, you enjoy the feeling of harry's cock stretching you open, whimpering as he watches you intently, his hands supporting your hips. eventually you feel yourself take him completely, your hips flush with his as you start to slowly grind your hips up and down.

harry's a mess, barely able to hold himself together just watching you adjust to his cock. your face twisting in pleasure, your soft whimpers, the tight feeling of your pussy squeezing around him, it was almost too much already.

"fuck, baby," harry's moaning, his hands gripping your hips for sanity. you can't help but giggle, you just love seeing him like this for you after dreaming about it for so long. he's so lost in pleasure already, his jaw slack and eyes dropping.

"i-i'm already, fuck [y/n], you're just so," harry can barely get the words out. hearing him moan your name so filthily motivated you to move your hips quicker, letting your tits bounce in his face as you continued to pick up speed.

"fuck, fuck, fuck," harry's panicking, you can tell he's already trying to hold back his orgasm. you find it extremely hot just how quickly you can bring him to this point. so hot it brings you closer to your orgasm with him, putting your hands on his face to look up at you.

"you feel so fucking good, harry," you tell him, your head rolling back in pleasure. he's in awe of you, his eyes memorizing every single inch of you as you continue to ride him.

"please, please, can you, um…" he takes a second between his words to moan. "please, can you call me professor potter…" he asks, clearly embarrassed by the request.

you rub his blushing cheeks between your hands, his question only making you more turned on. you loved knowing he was just as into the teacher/student dynamic as you had been.

"your cock feels so…so fucking good inside of me, professor potter," you moan, resting your forehead against harry's as you slow your pace, thoroughly enjoying the feeling of him.

harry's eyes roll back, sinful moans escaping his lips as his head falls forward, watching you ride him slowly as he begins slightly thrusting up into you. he looks back up at your eyes, exasperated. "i'm gonna cum if you don't stop," he quietly warns you, clearly feeling a bit guilty at his eagerness.

you smile. "please, please cum for me professor. i've been such a good girl for you this semester, haven't i?" you tease him.

harry groans pathetically. "so, so good," his eyes are closed, his face twisting with each thrust. "then cum for me, please, give it to me," you beg him, your hands gripping his shoulders as you feel your stomach tensing from your own orgasm.

harry's eyes pop open, his gaze on you softening as his hands find your waist, gripping onto you desperately. "[y/n]..." he moans your name again, and you can feel yourself tipping over the edge. your pace becomes a bit slower as your legs start shaking.

harry moans as he starts to spill inside of you, the warm sensation fueling your orgasm as you both hold onto each other tightly, riding out your highs together.

after a few moments of slow grinding and weak kissing, you carefully stand up from your position on harry's lap. you guide him to your bathroom, where you help each other clean up, with a few more inevitable kisses and longing hugs along the way.

you get dressed into different clothes, and offer harry some as well. he declines, instead putting his clothes back on as he tells you he has to bring all his supplies back to his house.

you help him button his shirt back up and tie his tie before pushing yourself to ask the dreaded question you didn't want to know the answer to.

"so," you say softly. "what now?"

harry looks down at you lovingly, but he isn't quite smiling. "well, i'm no longer employed here," he states. you nod your head slowly, allowing him to continue.

"so, while it's not technically wrong, i'd still like to try and take this off campus, if possible," harry chuckles.

you give him a surprised look. "you want to see me again?" you ask quietly. harry can't help but laugh at you, kissing your forehead as he holds your cheek.

"you have no idea," is all he says before he leans in for another kiss, holding you close, knowing you're finally his.

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swampgallows · 7 months

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do you have advice on how to find a mask for someone who legit, for real has difficulty breathing through one? i get badly congested because of the build up of humidity/moisture (plus a deviated septum), so then i have to remove the mask to blow my nose every 10 seconds which obvi defeats the purpose. i've tried to do research but i'm having trouble finding answers to this specific query. since you seem knowledgeable i would really appreciate any pointers if you have them. thank you.

hi! first of all thank you so much for wanting to mask despite the difficulties. second, i want to mention that im not a science or medical-type person of any kind, just a high-risk civilian trying to stay alive through the ongoing pandemic.

with the widespread non-industrial use of respirators in dealing with covid, there are manufacturers that have been looking for more comfortable, casual options while still offering adequate filtration. however many of these kinds of masks are either quite expensive, perpetually hard to acquire/sold out, or aren't fully NIOSH-approved (or equivalent standard). so my recommendations will be for only NIOSH-approved headstrap N95s.

since you have a structural condition (deviated septum), finding a breathable mask that fits your face without agitating your sinuses is essential. you'll want to be sure it's large enough that it's not pinching or putting too much pressure on your nose bridge. some users in the Masks4All subreddit have said saline rinses and BreatheRight strips can alleviate congestion issues, along with the right kind of mask. exploring a variety of mask shapes may help you!

finding a well-fitting respirator is difficult because there is no "one size fits all", but the 3M Aura 9205+ comes close! it's available in many areas and fits a wide range of faces. this is the mask i use. the "tri-fold" shape allows me to talk or laugh without compromising the seal or brushing against my face, compared to a typical "cup" shape N95. they also come individually wrapped, so it's easy to keep one in your car or bag, or distribute to others.

according to many who are "still coviding", the most breathable masks are the "duckbill" shape like the Gerson 3230+. I personally haven't tried them myself as I'm put off by the shape, but many duckbill wearers say that they easily overcome this "flinch" once they feel how comfortable it is, and that it's their go-to mask for extended wear or strenuous activities like the gym.

a more standard shape said to be close to the comfort of the duckbill is the 3M 9105 VFlex. It still has a larger silhouette than the Aura, but the duckbill look is less pronounced. "bi-fold" mask shapes like the BNX N95 can also put less pressure on your nose and allow more breathing room while keeping a slimmer profile.

you can also try something like the Readimask, a strapless mask that adheres to your face with medical adhesive (think like a band-aid). these can be a little more expensive, but you can order a free sample pack for sizing purposes (free plus shipping, mine was only $5 in the US) and see if it works for you.

if you feel that the humidity/moisture is more of an issue than your septum, you may also want to look into valved masks, but be warned: masks with an exhaust valve only protect the wearer, and not the people around you. reserve these only for situations where you will be one-way masking. particles cannot enter through the valve, but particles you exhale exit into the ambient air. however, if you are in a situation where you find you are the only person masking and everyone else is breathing unfiltered air anyway, a mask with an exhaust valve is fine. reusable elastomeric respirators often have exhaust valves, but there are disposable versions too, like the 3M Aura 9211+ above.

"mask nerd" Aaron Collins has a full demonstration and overview of many of these masks in his most recent video. He also discusses earloop masks if you prefer those:

youtube

you can also view AccuMed's Mask Testing Data and sort by lowest to highest breathability (lower numbers indicate the pressure drop = better breathing). This doesn't have every mask on the market (for instance, it's missing the VFlex), but it does have many common brands/models. Aaron Collins also made his own spreadsheet of over 200 masks he fit-tested himself.

i hope this gives you a launchpad to find something that works for you!

#masking #still coviding #covid #covid is airborne #covid is not over #anon #ask #long post

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jar-of-something-else · 9 months

Text

LET THESE FREAKS FUCK NASTY!!

i'm sick and flipping tired of nobody letting heavy, pyro, or scout be insane and it's my american right to make it happen (this is for the anon that wanted mean pyro and for another anon that wanted heavy) (scout is for me)

under the cut obvs!!

WARNINGS: AFAB reader, crazy nsfw, CRINGE ASS DIALOGUE BITS!!!!! i wanted to try something new tell me if it's too gross and i'll stop and delete my whole account, mercs being MEAN!!!! also there's some russian (google translate russian) promise i'll provide translations <3

under 16 DNI !!!!!!!! please and thanks :)

Pyro:

-pyro has a neat little storage ottoman at the foot of his bed and guess what!! it's filled with sex toys!!!! who could have guessed!!!!!

-he's got a very wide variety of items 'cause he likes to keep it crazy; these items are included but not limited to: icy-hot (for temp play), handcuffs of many varieties, non-abrasive rope (for comfort), insane amounts of phallic rubber items (and glass he doesn't care) and just so so many more

-obvi the rope is used to tie you up but it's less shibari and more just restricting your movements by tying you to the bed/tying your arms and legs together

-obviously not the biggest talker (at least not anything you can understand), so whenever he wants to humiliate or degrade you, he'll grab your jaw and make you look into the goggles on his mask (it's a little scary) while he does whatever the hell to you

-not above teasing you in public and on the battlefield, he gets a laugh out of it

-touching a little more on the waxplay thing, pyro has a variety of candlesticks as well as regular candles in the jar containers. usually, he lets the ones in the jar burn for a bit until there's a pool of wax that he uses to cover larger areas on you, and the candlesticks are burnt while he drips the wax across your body

-into the idea of exhibitionism, hence the willingness to get you going in public areas, but he wouldn't actually want another person there during actual sex

-voyeurism on the other hand he is 100% down for

-wouldn't want to permanently damage you or anything, but pyro does like to use matches or a lighter to burn you just a teeny tiny little bit

Heavy:

-oh lord

-in my personal opinion, i think heavy is around 7 feet tall and 360-400 pounds so he's a BIG FUCKING GUY and obviously that's gonna translate to his dick

-more girth compared to length but sweet baby jesus it doesn't really matter at this point dude is SCARY big

-if you don't stop him (or if your begging doesn't get to him), he could prep you for hours on end. he wants to make sure he doesn't hurt you but another part of him very much enjoys overstimulating and making you beg for him to do something else

"Ты думаешь, что готов, маленький зайчик? Я не согласен. Мой член слишком велик для тебя." (you think you are ready little bunny? i disagree. my cock is just too big for you.)

-when heavy does finally decide to fuck you for real he goes wayyy too slow; he tells you it's for you to adjust but he just keeps dragging it out to tease you even more

-due to the whole "lets drag this thing out as long as possible" experience, it could lead to a lot of overstimulation. naturally, heavy's response to this is to just edge you until you're so desperate that you can't see straight

-like i mentioned in my first nsfw post, heavy has a BIG ASS breeding kink. he won't tell you (unless you know russian) but he does refer to himself as daddy when/if you let him cum inside you; he just thinks it's embarrassing after the fact and he doesn't wanna tell you

"Ты был так хорош для папы, ты заслуживаешь награды." (you've been so good for daddy, you deserve a reward)

Scout:

-my favorite part of the whole post !!!

-very very fast paced (obviously) and does enjoy slightly disorienting you with the speed he does things. whether he's fingering you, eating you out, or actually fucking you he makes sure to speed up as a little surprise

-sometimes he'll go hard enough to make his (or your) bed frame rock against the wall and he will rub it in the other mercs faces if someone knocks on the door to get you guys to shut up

"Oh wassat? You jealous I'm gettin' laid and you're not? Take that shiny bald head of yours and shove it up your ass, pal, I'm a little busy in here!" (could be talking to heavy or engineer you choose)

-i mentioned scout calling himself daddy in my last post (which IS canon i double checked) and it just got me thinkin so hard....he doesn't let you call him by his real name while he's fucking you, otherwise he'll stop what he's doing completely until you say it

"I don't know much about dis Jeremy guy you keep talkin' about, but it's startin' ta piss me off how often you're sayin' his name. Why don't you tell me who's really fuckin' ya this well, huh doll? Go ahead n' say it fa daddy." (i tried to write out his accent i love it so much but i'm so sorry to boston)

-whenever spy is out on a mission and you and scout are back at base he will sneak into spy's smoking room with you and fuck there. scout doesn't appreciate the subtle flirts he sees spy send your way, so he likes to give him a little reminder of who you chose to be with (even if it's in the form of cum stains on spy's velvet couch)

#i'm releasing propaganda #i love you heavy i love you pyro i love you scout #heavy x reader #pyro x reader #scout x reader #heavy tf2 #pyro tf2 #scout tf2 #tf2 smut #tf2 headcanons #tf2 x reader #heavy tf2 x reader #pyro tf2 x reader #scout tf2 x reader #team fortress 2

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arthenaa · 1 year

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dan heng is unusually perceptive. those blue eyes scan every part of the astral express train as well as its data bank much to march 7th's chagrin. the poor gal couldn't do anything without dan heng's watchful eyes. caelus would only laugh at her demise. this however, was something mr. welt, pompom, and himeko both respected. as the designated guard of the train, he's been doing his job quite well.

too well, in fact. to the point that it has caused problems to your poor little heart.

as the resident medic of the astral express, it was your duty to do regular check-ups for the members. normally, you would go on about your day, loving the fact that your office was much livelier with the number of people visiting you. you expected to move on each patient with ease. however, you certainly didn't expect fumbling over yourself as you try to calm your shaking hands from dropping the stethoscope from your grasp.

why? because dan heng was staring at you.

but dan heng always stares! that should've been an easy challenge to overcome? wrong. absolutely wrong.

you were used to his normal passive stares of acknowledgment but this. this was different. it was like he was trying to dig out the surface of your soul and dive deeper into the depths of your mind. it was unwavering and firm as he stared at you while you clumsily tried to do your regular check-up.

"d-dan heng." you weakly call his attention. his gaze continues to dart over your face, finding interest in the blemishes adorning your skin. you give him a sheepish smile as you pull back, placing the stethoscope on the surface of your desk. he answers with a tilt of his head.

"yes, doctor?"

"d-do you have to look at me like that? while i'm doing your check-up?" you ask, hands falling on your lap as you try to look anywhere but at him.

he pauses for a moment, leaving you in the deafening silence.

"... like what?" he answers after a few seconds, playing innocently as he now removes his gaze from your face to the trinkets decorating your shelves. you raise an eyebrow at his sudden change of focus.

"you've been staring at me for the whole session. i'm concerned." you reply, breath hitching as he turns to the window, gifiting you a chance to admire his magnificent side view.

"i've always been naturally curious about things, doctor. apologies for my behavior." he nonchalantly replies, fingers drumming on the hard surface of the chair he's sitting on. you furrow your eyebrows in confusion.

"i know, dan heng. but you've been unnaturally observant today. is there something you'd like to confirm with me?" you lean your body forward, to try and catch his gaze once more. you think you'd probably get used to it by now but the moment he glances back at you with a flicker of his eye, your jaw opens slightly as your face heats up once more.

dan heng smiles as he watches you flush in embarrassment before leaning back against your chair. you glare at him after noticing his amusement in your turmoil. "you've been staring at me the whole time! what was i supposed to do?!"

the raven-haired man only chuckles, sound rumbling deep within his chest as he focuses on you once again. he stares with an unreadable look on his face before he whispers something that finally got you to look at him

"... database." he mutters. you furrow your eyebrows as you lean closer to hear him.

"p-pardon?"

he sighs like he doesn't want to repeat what he just said. "the database. i read something there."

your eyebrows raise as you urge him to continue. he looks as you as if he's hesitating and knowing dan heng, you seldom see him hesitate on a variety of matters.

what did he read, exactly?

"i read that extended eye contact is the best way forward in conveying one's feelings." he breathes out fast enough that you have to crane your head to catch all of it. his face looks like how it normally is but you catch a glimpse of the red tint creeping onto the tips of his ears.

"huh?"

"i'm pretty sure caelus and march put it there. they're starting to become too comfortable entering the archive room as they please. they know i always check the records." he mumbles under his breath, face turning into a scowl. you blink at him in confusion.

"um, could you... add more context?"

he turns to you, lips pursing in thought.

"can i ask something of you, doctor?"

"uh, sure?" you answer, uncertain at his deflection of providing an explanation for what he just said. you enjoyed this young man's presence— perhaps too much from the previous times you've spent with him. this was certainly a change of perspective to his usual direct self.

"do you..." he pauses, eyes still trained on you. "do you think i'm attractive?"

you halt.

you don't breathe even.

you were certain something had possessed dan heng (possibly a young girl with the name march) to ask you such a question. you were sure trivial matters like this didn't even exist in his head and whether he was aware or not that he was undeniably attractive, he didn't let it show through his facade.

and of course, you'd say yes. you'd rate it a dashing 928 out of 10 if that was even possible. you'd be on your knees declaring his godly looks if you have to.

but for the sake of your sanity, you allow the chaos to only lurk inside the depths of your mind. an effect of it however is the heating of your cheeks and the hiccup you just let out.

you slap your palm over your mouth.

dan heng tilts his head like a dog.

he's absolutely killing you.

you wonder if belobog would be free for an extra medic in their care as a needed leave from the express desperately clawed at your need to be away from this man before he further infiltrated your mind.

"w-what? dan heng, are you well?" you ask as if its the only plausible question you can ask the guard of the train.

trying to deflect his question was a futile quest as he leans forward, eyes gleaming as his face comes closer to yours. "does this proximity allow you to assess your answer?"

you lean back in surprise, elbow bumping on the desk behind you as you try to crane your head as far as you can from his face.

you were probably delusional but you swear you saw his eyes flicker down for second.

"d-dan heng." you whine out his name in embarassment. you fingers grip the wood behind you as the man had already stood from his spot and placed his arms on either side of you, hands splayed on the wooden surface of the desk.

there's a soft but determined look on his face.

"i need an answer, doctor. it's incredibly urgent," he mumbles softly to keep the conversation between the two of you even though there's only you two inside the room. at this point, you were sure he was torturing you for his own amusement.

"h-himeko might come in any second—"

"doctor." he repeats your title with slight tone of chastising. the heat on your cheeks never wavered as well as the proximity between your faces.

you had to stop the urge from leaning up and allowing the distance to decrease.

dan heng and you were friends but it only walked along the threads of friends and co-workers. sure, out of all the trailblazers, you were probably the closest "non-march" person to dan heng according to caelus.

the stellaron vessel spoke how dan heng would always treat you differently than others. you tried to tell him it wasn't true but the silver-haired friend of yours only sent you a look of exasperation. you were right though? dan heng had always been a man who spoke with his actions. those same acts of affections you'd see him do to march or even sometimes to himeko out of respect. there wasn't any special treatment. he was just dan heng and you were just you.

so why was him asking you if you thought he was attractive beginning to sever those threads you tried to keep together?

probably because you now had to physically admit to yourself that yes, you liked the man and you would love to kiss him and make him breakfast and quite possibly, fall in love with him.

having a relationship with a job like yours was hard and taxing. you already heard about mr. welt's apparent apprehension with fraternizing amongst members of the express. he didn't exactly express distaste but he wasn't all that okay with it.

what would his reaction be if he accidentally walked into the med bay with dan heng trapping you against the desk and face so close to yours be like?

you'd hate to cause the poor man a heart attack.

you'd also hate to lose your job and be sent back home...

you pause to look at his eyes which seemed to border amused teasing and determination. you decide to indulge in whatever fuckery march and caelus put him up to.

"... yes." you mumble, eyes trained up to him. he raises his eyebrows to make you repeat your answer. "yes i do. can you let me go now?"

he hums, contemplating before pulling back. he sits back down on the stool before you as he looks at you with an unreadable look on his face.

"on what scale?"

"dan heng."

"please? i'm actually curious."

"i'm not so convinced you're yourself anymore. did you drink or eat something to make you this unwell?" you squint your eyes in suspicion. he smiles, a form of his laughter.

"i don't know. you're the doctor here." he quips, hands interlocking as it rests on his thighs. you roll your eyes.

"funny."

he lets out a chuckle that seems to ring in your head. aeons, it was so pretty.

"a 9."

he tilts his head up in surprise. you flush before saying it again.

"you're a 9— wait no, a 9.5," you correct yourself, as you grab your tablet to make notes. it allows you a moment of reprieve from his staring, covering yourself with the gadget as you try to calm yourself down.

"a 9.5," he repeats, sounding each word. you slowly lower the tablet to the bridge of your nose, eyes peering at the top. you watch his reaction as he stares down at the floor before smiling.

"not bad. i'll take it." he replies before standing up. you straighten up in your seat as you watch him get his things from the couch beside the door.

"dan heng, wait you're not yet—"

"i'll send my weight and height to you as soon as possible. i keep myself updated." he passively comments as the door of the med bay slides open. you expect him to be on his way but he surprisingly stops at the doorway.

"right," he smacks his lips before turning back to you. "i forgot to mention i also read something else on the database."

you have a feeling you shouldn't ask but you do so anyway. "... what is it?"

he smiles, innocent but teasing. "mutual attraction is a root essence of the concept of love."

you only blink in confusion at his words. his fingers drum against the metal surface of the doorway before continuing.

"i'm attracted to you as well, doctor." he adds before leaving with boyish smile on his face. the door slides close and you're left with your thoughts.

what?

wait. WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE?!

heat full-on flushes your skin as you sit on your chair with shoulders tense and palm against your face.

that motherfucker.

he's surely going to kill you someday.

a/n: using dan heng to remove my writing block hahahahha 10/10 rizz

©arthenaa 2023

#arthenaa #honkai star rail #dan heng x reader #dan heng #honkai star rail x reader

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honeybubblebeeeeee · 4 months

Text

Breaking Up Slowly Part 2

Here is part 1 I can’t tell if I hate this or not but reader needed it fr

Gojo is your dickhead ex and you find a way to get back at him (mentions of cheating and Gojo is a bit of a controlling twat)

You continued allowing Gojo to come over, most times you did sleep with him. Did you hate yourself after? Yeah, a little but you couldn't bring yourself to tell him no. Feelings of love for him or whatever it was still bubbled at the surface. It didn't help that every time you did say no to him, he'd pout and get upset with you but insist he wasn't.

Gojo was guilt tripping you and you knew it but you still felt guilty.

You avoided him at the campus. He acted like you guys were besties and like nothing had changed. He never was one for PDA so that part never changed.

Early in the morning, all high ranking sorcerers were summoned to the campus for an important meeting. Everyone sat around a large table, a few seats empty but quickly filled as sorcerers not part of the campus joined. Lone wolves.

The were introduced one after the other. You were tired enough to have a hard time remembering names and didn't pay much attention to who came in.

Gojo's voice broke you out of your half asleep state while he argued with Yaga. "Why would you enlist him of all people?" You knew the glare Gojo was probably giving under his blindfold. Yaga waved him off. "He knows the curse user well. He has a skill set that is beneficial and he can get close due to his lack of affiliation with the schools. It's not up to you." Gojo put on a sarcastic smirk before leaning back in his chair.

The door slid open as a tall and muscular figure with a saccharine smile strolled into the room. His eyes scanned the room, you could feel the murderous intent when his eyes landed on Gojo and surely he had been glaring back. Yaga stood. "Everyone this is Fushiguro Toji. You would do well to accept him as part of our group." That last part seemed directed completely at Gojo as he went stiff as a board as Toji sat in the only free chair that was right beside you but also right across from Gojo.

People chattered as the leaders got themselves in order now that everyone was here.

Toji eyed Gojo as he sat. The mental war they were having would tear this room apart if they let it out. Toji chuckled before looking to you. "What's your name doll?"

Gojo sat up a little straighter, you could feel his eyes on you through the blindfold. "Y/N. It's nice to meet you, Toji."

Toji smiled back, one that seemed more sincere than the one he gave when he first entered.

The meeting commenced. Leaders talked about the situation, others chimed in, plans were discussed and groups were made. Toji glanced your way throughout the meeting. He paid attention when you spoke up and hummed his agreement to your ideas. While Gojo had only tried to talk over you and when it had been decided that you and Toji would be grouped together he argued that the pairing didn't make sense.

It was becoming apparent that Gojo and Toji had history and Gojo wasn't happy that you would be with Toji. Alone. In a fucked up way it made you want to pair with Toji even more. To get back at Gojo? Maybe. Just to let him feel a sliver of the shitty feelings he has been giving you. Maybe that was wrong.

"They shouldn't be paired together. If they get split up she will be defenseless and not to mention he doesn't have any cursed energy." You wanted to scoff. Yes, your cursed techniques were mostly defensive, used to protect yourself and those around you which is why you were often taken on a wide variety of missions. However when did having no cursed energy really matter?

"I'm a strong fighter Satoru, do you really doubt me?" Toji leaned forward on the table, and tilted his head in challenge almost.

"You've already died once." Gojo snapped back. Toji let out a loud booming laugh.

Yaga held up a hand and they both ceased their arguing. "Y/N is a good fighter, she has good techniques, both offensive and defensive. Paired with Toji's speed and strength they will be an unstoppable team."

Gojo sat up ready to argue but Yaga held up his hand. "You know what Gojo. You can go with them if it'll make you stop."

Toji leaned back in his chair with the smirk of someone who won. He looked to you and winked. You smiled back at him.

"Fine." Was all Gojo said.

~ ~ ~ ~

Some groups stayed to talk strategy, others left together. You stayed seated, Gojo followed Yaga into the hallway surely to argue. Toji leaned back in his chair before looking at you.

"So, what do you make of all of this?" Toji's gaze was heavy but you didn't hate it.

"Well, we have a pretty important part in all of this. You especially." Toji was supposed to lure out the curse user, as they wanted him dead, similar to other people in the room. There would be a number of enemies to get through before we could get to our target.

"Not to worry doll. Me and you got this. Let's just hope frosted tips over there doesn't slow us down." He leaned an arm at the back of your chair, you couldn't stop the small laugh that came out. Toji was refreshing. You had felt like Gojo was sucking the life out of you lately, like a leech. You guys didn't really have conversation often and it was usually him just manipulating your feelings. 'You hate me don't you?'. 'You always are mad at me'. Blah blah blah. You had told him to stop with those but you then felt like you had to give more to him to not hurt his feelings even though deep down you were starting to hate him but it felt like he was drowning you and you didn't know if you'd ever get another breath.

Toji pulled out his phone and held it out to you. "Wanna put your number in here?" You looked up at him pulled out of your spiraling thoughts, his smirk and the way he eyed you made you feel something you hadn't really felt in a while. Gojo had never looked at you like he wanted you. You thought maybe it was just something with him but you had brushed it off as you being crazy. Since breaking up you realized just how suffocating the relationship with him had been.

You took Toji's phone from him and typed in your contact. Gojo came into the room as you did and he simply watched from across the table. Toji's hand brushed yours as he took his phone back after you were done. He sent another smirk your way before standing up. "Thanks doll. I'll text you." With that he left the room, you were sure a fight would break out as he passed Gojo but Toji didn't even glance his way.

You stood and went to make your way out as well. Trying to also not give Gojo the time of day but he grabbed your arm as you passed. "He's dangerous." You glared up at Gojo, without saying a word you tugged your arm out of his grip. He seemed to soften but your blood only boiled. "I was thinking I could come over later." He smirked at you, tucking a stray hair behind your ear.

"I was thinking you shouldn't actually." You weren't sure where the words came from, and you definitely hadn't intended to say them out loud. He pulled his arm back like you'd bit him and scoffed at you.

You shook your head and went home. Proud of yourself for that small victory.

~ ~ ~ ~

It was late in the evening and you were getting ready for bed as your phone when off. You sighed. It was probably Gojo once again pushing to come over. However you couldn’t stop yourself and prepared for the shame to take hold as you looked at your messages but the shame never came.

It was Toji.

Toji: I was thinking we could meet at the campus early tomorrow and see about how we can put our skills together. If you’re up for it of course. No pressure.

You were almost baffled that a man gave you a choice in spending time with him.

You: I’d like that. Meet around 7?

Toji: See you then :)

~ ~ ~ ~

The next morning you got up with a little more prep in your step. You didn’t dread going to the campus. It was nice to look forward to actually doing your job for once. One thing you had come to appreciate about Toji was he didn’t try to put everyone else around him down even if he knew he was stronger.

You arrived to campus even a little early than planned. Only a half an hour but you were wide awake and ready to start. You strolled up to one of the training areas outside, lost in your own world.

“Hey doll.” Your head snapped up to where Toji sat on the concrete steps. You couldn’t stop the smile that forced its way onto your face. It was a nice feeling to have someone show up on time let alone early for once versus being late regardless of how important it was.

“Hey, you’re early.” You put your bag down next to him as he looked up at you. “So are you.” You giggled and you didn’t know what was wrong with you. Why you felt warm and giddy. “Well I just was looking forward to this so I thought I’d come a little bit early.”

Toji smirked at you as he stood and his height towered you. “Funny, I had been thinking the same thing.” You both stared at each other a moment before it was interrupted by an agitating voice.

"Not going to invite the whole group to participate?" Gojo sauntered over, his blindfold off today. It felt like a taunt almost. Toji rested his arm along your shoulders, the weight comforting. "Well you are here aren't you, Satoru?" Toji taunted back. Gojo eyed the places where Toji touched you.

"Let's get started ladies shall we?" You taunted at both of them before slipping away to get the day started. Toji laughed but Gojo only scowled at you.

You ran through your own techniques with Toji. Gojo knew about them and really only hovered without saying anything. You planned the ways you could use your shields and the invisibility for offence for Toji. He was a strong fighter who moved fast but with your added protection he could really let loose. You practiced throwing it on him while he was a moving target, from far away, up close and so on.

Toji walked toward you as you stood huffing in the middle of the field. He didn't even look out of breath. Gojo sat farther away on the benches pretending not to be interested. "We are a good team. We will be able to do this easily." Toji patted you on the shoulder as he approached. You eyed Gojo but turned back to him. "Yeah... It's not us I'm worried about."

Toji glared in Gojo's direction. "You guys have history huh?"

You laughed. "You two do as well huh?"

Toji smirked, letting out a soft chuckle. "Yeah you could say that. I kicked his ass. Then he killed me. I'll find a way to get even." You nodded, a terrible thought crossed your mind but you shook it off. "What's your deal with him doll?" You looked from Gojo back to Toji. "We dated for a few years, broke up recently. Ended on good terms though."

Toji hummed almost as if he knew that wasn't the whole truth. His gaze felt like it punctured your soul. "Liar." He poked your shoulder. "What did that dickhead do to a pretty girl like you? I can beat his ass for you if you want." Toji winked at you and you couldn't stop the laugh that came out. Gojo was fully paying attention now. "No it's okay... well... no I'm kidding. As funny as that would be though."

Toji's rough hand tilted your chin up to look him him. "You wanna get back at him you just let me know doll." Your cheeks heated but the mood was ruined as Gojo finally stopped sulking from afar and joined you.

"Alright I think there's been enough training for today don't you think?" Both you and Toji eyed him before walking past. Gojo grabbed your wrist and turned you towards him. Rage bubbled under your skin. Toji winked at you but walked back towards the bench. Fully aware you could handle yourself but just to let you know he'd break Gojo if you wanted him to.

You pulled your arm from Gojo just like you did yesterday and took a comfortable step back. "What?"

"I told you he was dangerous. You should stay away from him." Gojo attempted to close the space but you took another step away.

"You're not my boyfriend. You don't get a say anymore." A low blow but he really needed to get the message. However he didn't seem hurt. He just laughed. "Right." He left without another word.

You walked up tp Toji to grab your stuff which he held out to you. "We will start hunting tomorrow. I have to attend to some stuff before then but want to go out tonight? I like to loosen up before something like this." You pondered for a moment. A text coming through at the same moment.

Gojo: I can come by later btw.

You put your phone away and looked up at Toji. "Sounds fun. Let's do it."

~ ~ ~ ~

Toji had promised to pick you up at 8. He suggested a club and you did love dancing. Gojo had never wanted to go, said it was too crowded and not his scene but got upset with you when you suggested going alone. After all this time the red flags were becoming apparent and you were wondering how you never noticed them before. Rose coloured glasses as they say.

You adorned a short black dress but some comfy disco pumps. Your doorbell rung around 730. A punctual man. You didn't even think before pressing the buzzer to allow him in the building. Within moments a knock came at your door and Toji stood in his tight black shirt with a bouquet of flowers in his hand. "Hey pretty girl." Your face heated as he handed you the flowers. "They're beautiful."

He followed you inside as you moved quickly to put them in water. Once placed you grabbed anything you might need and made your way out for the evening. Toji was more of a gentleman than you would have assumed and you were starting to notice even more than Gojo. He opened doors for you as you walked out. Even the car door. He was quick to make sure you weren't too hot or too cold and showed you how to use all the buttons to make sure you were comfy.

Once you arrived at the club he popped your seatbelt and went to get out. Before you could even manage to get the door open he was already there with a hand out to help you from the vehicle.

Your skin felt warm as he kept the grip on your hand and led you inside. You didn't feel like you wanted to pull away. His large body separated the crowd quickly and he kept you close so that you didn't get pulled away in the sea of people.

You both sat at the bar, he kept a hand on the small of your back as you ordered a drink for yourself. He paid. What a gentleman.

"Do you not want a drink?" You looked up at him as you sipped on yours. He smiled and shook his head. "No, I'm okay. Besides one of us has to drive no?" You giggled. Fair point.

"Would you like to dance?" Toji stood and held out a hand to you. You took it, threw back your drink and followed him. Bodies moved in time to the beat. Most of them looked so lost in the moment that not a thing around them mattered. You were tentative if not embarrassed because it had been so long since you had been out dancing you didn't really know where to start.

Toji smirked. "I don't bite doll. Not unless you want me to." The sexual tension between you and Toji only continued to blossom every time you two interacted. You still held hands loosely.

"And what if I want you to?" The batting of your eyelashes and that seductive look you had on your face sent him over the edge he was dancing on. Toji pulled you into him and the touch of your bodies against each other sent you into bliss.

Dehydration set in as you slowed and moved off the dance floor. "I need to use the bathroom." Your body ached in the best way, Toji pointed you in the right direction as he sat at the bar. You pushed through the crowd into a dimly lit hall that was surprisingly empty.

You swung the bathroom door open to revel something you wished you hadn't seen. Gojo and one of the other faculty at the school bent over the counter, her dress hiked up and his pants on the ground. You saw red as he froze.

"Shit, Y/N I-" He moved towards you but you spun around, walking but almost running back to Toji. He was talking to someone at the bar, you poked him in the back like a hurt child, tears brimming.

"Hey" His face dropped as he saw you. His hands went to your shoulders. "What's wrong? What happened?" He took quickly eyes scanning for whatever upset you.

"Can we just go please? I think I'm done for tonight." He took your hand and pulled you back to the entrance. "Of course doll. C'mere." You made it out into the brisk night, Toji kept up with your quick pace as you walked back to where he parked.

The club door slammed open behind you."Y/N! Wait! I can explain." Gojo made quick steps for you. Toji's saccharine smile appeared and he let out a deep chuckle. "I should have guessed it was your dumbass Satoru." He turned to block your body as Gojo approached. "Fuck off for once Fushiguro and let me talk to her."

You pulled Toji's arm, hands still interlocked. "I don't want to talk to you." He walked backwards, keeping on eye on Gojo's movements as Gojo advanced on you two. "Stop walking away from me. You have to hear me out."

You scoffed and continued walking. "I don't have to hear shit from you. You are not my boyfriend, you are not my friend, you are not anything to me."

Gojo stopped and laughed sarcastically. "See this is why I got with her in the first place because you never put out when asked." You were a mere step from the car. You felt the rage simmering under your skin. Toji's body locked up as if preparing to dish out a lethal punishment.

The terrible thought you had when you first saw Toji came back. The same thought he had and offered. "Toji, I'd let to get back at him now." Toji let out a deep laugh "I've been waiting for this." His fists clenched and he looked like he was going to lunge but that was not the type of payback you wanted right now.

You grabbed Toji pushing him up against the car and pulled his head down to meet yours as you smashed your lips onto his. Gojo let out a squeak of surprise. Toji's laugh vibrating your body as he put his own force into it. Teeth clashing, lip biting.

Gojo started to advance but you were faster. You surround yourselves in your shield. He could break it sure when he wasn't intoxicated but this shield had a thousand emotions behind it and there was no way it was coming down. Toji gripped the back of your thighs, picking you up and reversing the roles by pinning you up against the car now. You tugged on his hair which elicited a delicious sound from him.

Gojo froze in his place watching the scene unfold before him. His ex girlfriend with his arch nemesis. He wailed on the shield but the emotions you were feeling were much stronger. Toji’s lips separated from yours as he kissed down your neck, biting and sucking leaving his marks on you. You weren’t sure what possessed you in the moment to glare at Gojo over his shoulder and give him the finger.

Gojo stopped and watched in disbelief. Finally he turned and left without another word.

Toji was the first to stop. Both of you out of breath, skin hot and sticky in the warm night air. “I like your style doll.” He still held you up against the car. His thumbs rubbed small circles on the flesh of your thigh. “Thank you.” Was all you could muster to say.

“It was a win win situation for me. Get back at that fuck head and touch on this girl that’s been in my head since I met her.” Toji’s toothy grin made you feel warm.

“She might have been thinking about you too.” Your voice was barely above a whisper.

Whatever this was with Toji, it was good. It felt like a reward for all the suffering you had been through.

(also send requests! i appreciate them they help smmmm with writers block <3)

#jjk gojo #jjk toji #jjk men #jjk x reader #gojo x you #gojo angst #toji x y/n #toji x you

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interstellarsystem · 3 months

Text

This isn't at anyone in particular, but it's very disheartening to see that the otherhearted AND otherkith tags are full of.... Posts that are almost completely unrelated to those experiences. Otherlink tags are much the same.

A few in there are geared toward all alterhumans in general, that's fine, but... Posts specifically only about therians, otherkin or fully nonhuman identities without so much as a mention of heartedness don't belong in the otherhearted tags. Therian/otherkin specific posts don't belong in the otherlinking tags either. It's so hard to find anything related to being otherhearted or otherlinking because it's almost all content that only explicitly relates to therians or otherkin. It really looks like they sometimes just slap the smaller tags on there for reach.

It doesn't get your therian posts reach though, because as far as I'm aware, hearted people and otherlinkers follow the tags for posts relating to those specific experiences. Sure, people can be more than one thing and there are definitely therians and otherkin following those tags, that's fine, but it's not why those people follow them. Flooding the hearted and otherlink tags with otherkin posts really only makes it impossible to see anything from other individuals who are otherhearted or otherlinkers. The people who want to see your posts will be following the otherkin or therian tags.

You don't need to tag in different community tags for reach, this is tumblr where tags do actually matter because they're the primary way of finding posts. There's no algorithm at all if you don't use the "for you" page. And when you're putting therian and otherkin only posts in tags that are for much, much smaller communities like otherhearted people and otherlinkers.... It becomes impossible to keep those communities present here.

I don't know if there's separate tags that otherhearted people and otherlinkers use that aren't flodded with otherkin-only posts but if there is I haven't been able to find it because the only post we can even find recently in the hearted tags thats actually about heartedness is one we made today.

We've went on about how the term "alterhuman" isn't just for otherkin content before. We're sad the tag for it has less variety than the community really encompasses. Yes, otherkin are alterhuman and have the right to post there--no one is saying they don't--but a lot of the times people post "alterhumanity is about being an animal and no one knows" or something when it's definitely not always the case. Alterhuman isn't the same as nonhuman. I want to see more diversity and acknowledgement that there can be other alterhuman identities aside from identifying as an animal. As an umbrella term, alterhuman encompasses a lot more than nonhumanity and I don't like that even the hearted tags are covered in unrelated material.

I really think that non-kin and human+ or just plainly still human identities that fall under the alterhuman umbrella need to be acknowledged and respected enough to not be flodded out of their own tags.

#otherhearted #otherkith #otherlink #copinglink #animalhearted #therian #otherkin #alterhuman #yes i know im tagging a lot here #this post is in relation to the mentioned tags and how they're used #its on topic #op #merlin (xe/he/they)#everything hearted #everything althu #everything link #hearted info #althu info #link info

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crocswithoutsocks · 15 days

Text

What do cogs eat in Toontown: Corporate Clash?

I'm doing research for a fic and have been scrounging the wiki for this information so I thought I'd compile my findings as a nice organised tumblr post in case anyone else needs access to this very specific part of the lore. There's actually a lot more than I thought there would be! If I've missed anything, feel free to add! The definitive list will be way at the bottom of the post if you just want the cold hard facts.

Section A - Foodstuffs that have a lot of evidence pointing towards their consumption by cogs.

Oil - Massive evidence for this in both Derrick Man and the CEO battle. Heals suits in Derrek Man, and seems to be their preferred food given its literally the only thing being served at the banquet? Maybe more of a beverage than a food? Still makes the list either way. Different varieties of oil are also mentioned, including carbonated/seltzer oil (from the Director's Cuts ARG andHigh Roller's trivia questions) and crude oil (discussed further below).

Cogfee (Coffee) - Cogfee is mentioned all the time. There's promotional art of Chip promoting cogfee, and his secretary also requests a new cogfee machine in the April Toons ARG. Cathal and Brian have also both delivered/refused to deliver cogfee to Allan, respectively. The Toxic Manager also gives the Insider a cup of Cogfee in the Director's cuts ARG, and there's probably even more examples of cogs drinking cogfee that I haven't included here. It's also worth a mention that Jennifer's favourite drink is a soyl mechiatto, which I would have assumed to be the cog equivalent of a machiatto with soya milk, but the fact that High Roller's trivia question on the subject makes a distinction between soyl mechiatto and cogfee mechiatto makes me doubt that the soyl one contains cogfee at all. Alas, I don't know enough about actual coffee to be able to tell you if you can even make a machiatto without coffee.

Cookies - Most of the evidence for this comes either directly or indirectly from Belle. Evidence for suits eating cookies comes from Belle's interview notes, the 1.3 blog post, the comic with Flint and Belle baking, and the C.O.O's 2023 dialogue. These also provide other things suits can eat in the form of cookie flavours: charcoal, ginger tar and crude morsels. I don't know if ginger tar is ginger flavoured tar or a variety of tar called "ginger tar", so that's up for interpretation. As far as I can tell, all three seem to function as a chocolate chip substitute, but could also possibly be replacing things like fruit or nuts in the cookies. The only non-Belle-related cookie evidence comes from the Director's Cuts ARG, where the Middleman gives the Insider a plate of crude oil cookies. I assume the crude oil used in these is a different thing than the crude morsels in the C.O.O's cookies, and I can't really identify what crude oil is supposed to be a subsitute for food-wise since it appears multiple times in different contexts.

Sandwiches and assorted ingredients - Cathal eats a sandwitch halfway through his battle, and you can't really get evidence more definitive than that. The wiki says it's specifically ham and cheese, and looking at his renders I can see that probably. In the 1.3 key art, he's got a different sandwich that looks like lettuce and tomato, so from Cathal alone, bread, ham, cheese, lettuce and tomato can be added to the list of things suits eat.

Ketchup - This is really a subsection of the last category given tomatoes have already been confirmed, but Count Erclaim steals 'Chup from Rocky on multiple occasions (notably the 'Halloween Hater comic') and Cathal also has two bottles of it in his office. There are also a concerningly high number of ketchup bottles inthe Mozzerella Styx freezer. So... Ketchup. Interestingly enough, the ad for Mozzerella Styx on High Roller's website lists 'Chup as a drink, so maybe its a suit beverage? Sure, why not.

Water - The existence of the water cooler attack implies that cogs can and do drink water, and it's also listed as an available drink three times on Mozzerella Styx's menu, as 'water', 'dihydrogen monoxide' and 'corporate water supply'. They also drink sparkling water/seltzer/carbonated water, whatever you want to call it, since Jennifer asks where she's supposed to keep her sparkling water after Spruce takes a bite out of her desk, and seltzer is one of the available options in the Mozzerella Styx drinks machine.

Cereal - Dave buys 500 boxes of cereal in the April Toons ARG. The picture identifies the cereal as 'Oil-o-Flakes', but the description says they're 'corn flakes', soooo... corn confirmed? Maybe?

Pizza - You'd think this one would be easy, given the fact that literally the only cog owned restaurant is a pizzeria, but the fact that Mozzerella Styx is a front kind of raises the question of whether they actually serve food there. Either way though, Count Erclaim orders a "none pizza with left beef" in one of his monologues, and even if his pizza is a meme it's still a pizza, and Erclaim is still a cog that's probbably going to eat it. Oh. Also beef then, I guess.

The sustenance page on the gopher version of cogs.ink gets a special mention because I forgot about it completely and then felt like I'd struck gold when I stumbled back upon it. Things mentioned on this page that aren't already on the list include:

Coal, petrol-marinated beet and diamond dust inside a sandwich called the 'Money Christo'.

Sides include crispy steel bits, extra crude oil and gas-infused triple-fried coal.

Coal again, Turpentine Ansoff Jelly and Oxalic Acid patties, all of which are considered breakfast (or, deskfast, as the page says) foods.

Carbon carbonara, made with only the finest eggs and crude oil (but what ingredient can be used in cookies and also in carbonara?).

Canned bread (WHY IS IT IN A CAN?) and kerosene dip.

Compressed fish

Strawberry Daigou, which is a dessert according to the description, and also contains the allergen 'red'. I didn't know suits could be allergic to anything until now.

SODIMM SOda

Section B - Things that I'm not certain on but I thought were still worth a mention.

Pie - Allan asks if the pies the toons are throwing at him "are imported blueberry", which implies that he's eaten both imported and non-imported blueberry pies before, to be able to tell the difference. Either that or he's been hit in the face so many times with both that he's now able to tell the difference, and he doesn't actually eat them. He can tell its blueberry though, which does suggest he's had those before and knows what they taste like. Given strawberries are already confirmed, its probably safe to say that cogs eat blueberries too.

Wood - Spruce, basically. He takes a bite out of Jennifer's table during his interview, says he's got at chomping trees in his personal statement and he's always got that log in his mouth. It's never really stated whether he actually eats the trees or just bites them, though. Also, eating trees feels very much like a Spruce thing, and not something any other suits would do. Like, they probably can eat wood, but would they want to?

Coins - Its mentioned in the cog building music backstage blog post that Dave ate 20,000 Cogbucks worth of quaters in the Cashbot mints. I'm confident this is a Dave exclusive thing and that no other cog would ever do this. I think.

Section C - Things that depend entirely on the validity of Mozzerella Styx as an actual cog restaurant.

Mozzerella Styx seems like it would be a veritable gold mine of information on cog food, but that actually depends on who Mozzerella Styx's target audience actually is. Mozzerella Styx's target audience is important because if they're trying to appear as a reputable toon resturaunt, then there's no gaurentee that cogs would even eat the things on their menu, as they would be toon foods rather than cog foods. The menu is weird though, since it definetly includes things that toons would never eat, like oil, which implies either that suits are intended to eat there or that whoever wrote the menu didn't know that toons can't drink oil. The menu does seem to be geared towards toons in some way, though, given the two 'toon drink here' options in the drinks section. Who are your target market, Mozzerella Styx??? And that's not even getting into if they even sell food there. The short with the two toons ordering a pizza implies that you can definetly order there, but the outcome of that short (the toons never getting any pizza) combined with the menu says 'pay upfront', 'product not gaurenteed' and 'no refunds' makes me incredibly doubtful that anyone has ever managed to successfully eat food from Mozzerella Styx (the fact that the toons are going here also suggests its a "toon" resturaunt. Or maybe they're just chill with going to a cog owned resturaunt? They definetly at least heard Styx over the phone). HOWEVER! The fact that the 1.4.0 patch notes say they're generating more money through pizza sales, combined with the (presumably paid for) ad on High Roller's website and the fact that they have actual pizza ingredients in the freezer makes me think that maybe they are actually running a resturaunt with real food on the side of all the money laundering? Perhaps? Either way, this big long ramble has acheived nothing, and I've got no idea if these foodstuffs are any more valid than I did at the start of it. Well then. If we're assuming that cogs do eat at Mozzerella Styx, for the sake of having more data, then everything on the menu can be added to the list. This includes:

Pineapple - The head huntin' hawaiian pizza, despite the pizza pictured under it not containing any pineapple, does make another appearance on a poster where pineapple is visible. There's no sauce, though. Why is there no sauce on this pizza. (Also, I'm going to remove pineapple from the 'Mozzerella Styx Clause', since Jennifer says in Buck's interview notes that he smells like pineapple, meaning she's eaten or at least smelled it before. Therefore, it's probably a valid suit food).

Nuts and bolts - The same poster with the hawaiian pizza also suggests you add [photo of nuts and bolts]. They aren't mentioned by name, but they sure are there!

New Year Cabbage

Salad - No idea what this salad contains, so I suppose every vegetable and other thing that could possibly be in a salad is up for debate. If you wanted to make it out of already confirmed salad stuff, it would probably be lettuce, tomato and beetroot.

Mushrooms - The picture of the aledgedly hawaiian pizza appears to have mushrooms on it, and mushroom pizza is also an option.

Broccoli - The alleged hawaiian pizza also has what I think is broccolli on it, and I really like broccoli so I'm adding it to the list.

Bread-sticks

Junior Executive Juice - I hope this is juice made for junior executives and not juice made out of junior executives

Ice cream cone - Not specified whether this is an ice cream cone as in 'its ice cream in a cone' or 'it's an ice cream cone with no ice cream'. I'll assume there's ice cream involved because it seems cruel to deprive these robots of ice cream.

Waffle cone

Traffic cone - I mean... it's on the menu?

Onions

Pine - Pine needles? Pine trees? Pineapples? We will never know

Jellybeans - I find it funny that these guys are just casually eating the toons' money. Maybe there's a difference between currency jellybeans and jellybeans for eating, but its still funny.

Soda Cold-a - The drink machine by the front counter actually provides a lot of new drinks that I'm specifically exempting from the 'Mozzerella Styx Clause' due to the fact that a) Toons definetly cannot drink half of this stuff and b) this drink machine for sure exists and probably does dispense all of these things. Available beverages not yet counted include antifreeze, diet oil, coolant, Cold-a and gas (which completes the C.O.G.S trifecta! Horray, suits can officially eat everything that C.O.G.S inc produces!)

Slushies - The slushie machine behind the counter appears to dispense slushy in flavours DRINK, Zap and BLUE. There are no cups present near this machine, only cones, which implies it could be a snow cone machine, but the ad on High Roller's website shows a cup with a straw labelled 'BLUE', so either they're drinking snow cone syrup or its a slushie machine.

Snow cones

Salt and pepper - There are salt and pepper shakers on all of the tables. Horray for seasonings! Why you would put those on a pizza I have no idea.

The List

Okay, I've probably missed something but here's my definitive list, colour coded, alphabetized and sorted for your convenience. Items in black are pretty much 100% confirmed, items in blue are speculative with not much evidence and items in green depend entirely on Mozzerella Styx's validity as a cog resturant.

Human safe foods:

Beef, Beetroot, Blueberries, Bread, Bread-sticks, Broccoli, Cabbage, Carbonara, Cereal, Cheese, Cookies, Corn, Eggs, Fish, Ginger(?), Ham, Ice cream, Jellybeans, Lettuce, Mushrooms, Onions, Pepper (the seasoning not the vegetable), Pie, Pineapple, Pizza, Salad, Salt, Sandwiches, Snow cones, Strawberries, Tomatoes (and derivitives ketchup and tomato sauce), Waffle cones.

Things humans should definetly not be eating:

Charcoal, Coal, Coins, Crispy steel bits, Crude morsels, Crude Oil, Diamond dust, Extra Crude Oil, Gas-infused triple-fried coal, Ginger tar, Kerosene, Nuts and bolts, Oxalic Acid Patties, Petrol, Pine, Traffic cones, Turpentine Ansoff Jelly, Wood.

Beverages:

Antifreeze, Carbonated oil, Cogfee, Cold-a, Coolant, Diet Oil, Gas, Juice, Ketchup(?), Oil, Slushies, SODIMM SOda, Soyl, Sparkling water/Seltzer, Water.

Unidentified:

red

All of these things can probably be broken down into their core ingredients, too, which would really expand the variety of foodstuffs on offer. Basically, cog food seems to be pretty similar to human food, just with a lot more metal and machine-stuff.

#yes im aware I spelt 'mozzerella' wrong #no im not going to fix it #ive spent far to long on this already #toontown corporate clash #ttcc #crocsyapping

120 notes · View notes

magicalbats · 5 months

Text

Sanctuary

Rating: R-18+

Word Count: 10,874

Warnings: sacrilegious content, monster fucking, tentacle/tongue fucking, brief throat fucking, reader is a nun so take that as you will

A/N: this is my very first commission ever and I had a blast working on it so I asked if I could share it with everyone! I went through and removed the identifiers for their OC but otherwise its exactly the same. I'm going to make a comms page later on for anyone interested so keep an eye out for that, and please enjoy! ❤️

⭐

Snow flurries around your face and buffets the skin to leave your cheeks feeling raw as you peer out over the assembled crowd. There’s a restlessness that hangs over the multitude of heavily bundled bodies lined up in the town square but order had largely been maintained all morning. It was mostly a variety of women in differing sizes, shapes and ages, which tended to help in that regard, while the occasional man was either old, sick or otherwise unfit for the labor needed to support themselves. These people relied heavily, sometimes exclusively, on the church’s community efforts to keep themselves afloat. You could even make out a few small children among the masses where you were standing; antsy from waiting and fussy with hunger, and who were starting to get on their accompanying parents' last nerves by the looks of it.

Cloak whipping in the frigid wind, you shift behind the table where two other Sisters were diligently working to ladle out the porridge and pass out thick slices of bread quickly enough to keep the line moving at a reasonable pace. You were technically supposed to be on break after standing in the same spot for hours, your dominant wrist giving a muted throb from overuse when you take up the spare baler spoon and dip it into the massive pot, but you were having a hard time walking away. You usually did, though. Some might accuse you of taking your responsibilities a little too seriously at times but you liked to think of it more as simply being pertinacious. It was better to toe the line of overzealous than to be apathetic or indifferent to the plights of others, after all, and you couldn’t think of anyone more in plight than hungry children.

Speculatively, Sister Darya eyes the bowl you fill and set aside before starting to spoon out another serving into a second dish. She sends you a sidelong glance even while her hands continue to work through the monotonous motions. Dip, pour, pass across the table. Dip, pour, pass across the table. She doesn’t have to look to ensure every moving piece ends up exactly where it needs to be, and the line keeps moving without interruption even as she sets her prickly sights on you.

“Back so soon, Sister? Perhaps we should have you chained to the nearest bench to ensure you take your breaks when you’re supposed to.”

“That won’t be necessary.” You respond with a cool indifference, unperturbed by the pointed stare she gives you when you reach to fill a third bowl. “I’ll go take my rest once I give these to the children. Surely you won’t find any complaint in that?”

Sister Darya draws a careful breath and lets it out with a sigh. When she speaks next, it’s very soft so that only you might hear her quiet response. “They are supposed to wait in line just like everyone else. Those are the rules. Do not give me that look, Sister. You know as well as I do what lows the starving and the sick will sink to.”

“Then I will take care to ensure nothing of the sort comes of it.” Stamping down the flare of annoyance that sparks in your chest, you stiffly drop the baler back to the table. The older woman narrows her sharp beady eyes at you in warning yet you pay it little mind.

Quickly shoving a spoon into each of the four bowls you’ve prepared, you juggle the dishes into your hands and step out from behind the table. You can barely catch the sound of her grumbling something to the other nun stationed with her as you walk away but aren’t quite able to make out what’s being said. No matter though. She’d never been particularly fond of you and the feeling was decidedly mutual. Nothing that happened here today was going to change that.

The first child you manage to track down in the crowd is on the verge of tears, fitfully tugging at his mothers skirts while he asks her how much longer it will be. She has her hands full with a mewling infant, swaddled and bundled in so many layers that it takes the use of both hands to properly hold onto the bulky mass, and she could not offer him much comfort aside from gentle reassurances that it would be soon. One look at the tired, heavy bags under her eyes vindicates your decision. These people needed help, and you wouldn’t sit idly by if there was something that could be done for them.

Sweeping closer to the pair, you keep your voice gentle even as you project it enough to be heard over the general din. “Do not cry, little man. You must be strong for your mother and your new sibling, isn’t that right? Look at what I have for you.”

Red faced from the snow and the wind, he turns to glance up at you from under the brim of his wide, fur lined cap. The green of his irises seems to swim with valiantly held back tears but they clear almost immediately when he sees the bowl you carefully offer out to him. They appear to you like crystalline lakes turned dazzling with the azure sheen of algae, and you give him your best smile when he eagerly reaches out to accept the porridge in his tiny gloved hands.

Her expression morphing from one of surprise to immense gratitude, the mother ducks her head in quick thanks. “May the Cryo Archon bless you, Sister. Your kindness means much to me and my children.”

“Speak not another word of it. You’re almost to the front of the line now, so you’ll be able to fill your stomach soon. Please take care.”

With a brief nod of acknowledgment, you move on. There’s another child a few paces down, this one a young girl curled up in the arms of her father as if in search of warmth as much as comfort, and you tell them much the same. That they were almost to the front of the queue and he gives his words of thanks as his daughter shyly accepts the bowl you hand to her. Left with still two more to pass out, you work your way further back in the line while assuring the waiting adults that there was enough for everyone to be fed and to just be patient.

Empty handed after finding a pair of brothers solemnly standing in line together, you start to retrace your path towards the table again. You’d spotted a few more kids and you wanted to make the burden of waiting a bit more bearable for them as much as for their parents, but a small scuffle up near the front pulls your gaze and demands your attention first. Your strides turn purposeful now as you make a beeline for the commotion. What you come upon gives you pause, though.

The green eyed boy from before was picking himself up off the ground and trying very hard not to let the hiccuping sobs that shake his shoulders get the better of him. His bowl of porridge was spilled in the barren dirt and frozen mud. A gnarled looking man in a tattered coat was bending to retrieve the fallen dish, mumbling something unkind under his breath while the mother juggles the baby in her arms and frets over her fallen son. At first you think it an accident, the kind of misstep that could happen all too easily when there were so many people crammed together in a single place. But then, to your surprise, the surly man straightens up with the bowl, dips his fingers into what bit of porridge meal was still sticking to the interior and pops them into his mouth.

You see an instant flash of red behind your eyes.

“What is the meaning of this?” You demand, closing the distance at a rapid pace now. “Horrid scoundrel, do you truly intend to repay the Holy Mothers kindness and generosity by stealing from a child? Does that seem right to you?”

The sallow faced man glances up at your approach, takes one look at the black veil covering your hair and scoffs before turning from you. It was clear he thought little of you and your opinions on the matter, and he disinterestedly begins to walk away with his spoils still in hand. Temper flaring just a pinch more, you lengthen the stride of your steps. You brush right past the mother and her children. Reach out with grasping fingers and snag the back of the man’s ratty coat. He aggressively spins around to snap at you, but you were ready with some choice words of your own.

“How dare you! To think that anyone in our great motherland would behave like an uncivilized animal!” You practically spit up at him. “You should be ashamed of yourself for carrying on in this manner when there is plenty to go around for everyone. What have you got to say, huh?”

“I don’t have nothing to say to you, crazy bitch. Let go! Before I get mad!”

A chorus of horrified gasps erupts around you, but you only tighten your hold on him even when his coat is so grimy and unkempt it makes your skin itch. You’re distantly aware of the crowd shuffling behind you, no doubt considering the possible ramifications of stepping in or not, but there was a hesitation when so many of them were women with little to no able bodied men to help. It was only natural, and you didn’t blame them for it. You blamed this no good lout for causing such an unpleasant scene in the first place and you weren’t about to let him get off that easily for being such an inconvenient nuisance to everyone.

“I will not let you go. You owe that boy and his mother an apology, sir. Come, I will even stand with you to lessen the embarrassment you have to face.”

Becoming more aggressive by the second, he violently tries to yank out of your grip. You hold fast though, and only stumble a step before pulling back on his coat with everything you’ve got. He seemed annoyed more than anything else though, and he rounds on you again to loom over your much slighter frame in an obvious display of intimidation as he bellows, “I’m warning you, let me go! Now!”

“And I am warning you, come apologize to them or you will not like how this is going to end.”

His face growing red in anger, he tries once again to forcefully shrug you off. But when that doesn’t work he brings his hand up in a quick arc, clenching it into a tight fist. You barely have enough time to process it’s even happening and then it — harmlessly sails right over your head.

Eyes widening to the approximate size of dinner plates, you watch in mute disbelief as he’s roughly dragged back a handful of steps by an arm wrapped around his neck. The destitute man flails and kicks, grunting when he drops the bowl so he can reach up to claw at the limb cutting off his air supply. It’s useless though. Whoever was holding onto him had a grip as good as iron, evidently, and you catch a burst of coppery-brown hair behind him as he slowly starts to drain of energy and sag. One moment he’s wildly thrashing to get loose and the next he’s … going limp with a wet little gurgle.

You catch your first glimpse of the young man — your heroic savior, as it were — when he bends to deposit the vagrant onto the cold ground without much concern for where or how he might land. His burden hitting the dirt with a bodily thump, he lifts his attention to you. You’re instantly struck by the intense blue of his eyes, and your breath catches in shock.

Was he really human?

“Are you alright, miss? Sorry I didn’t make it here sooner.” Straightening again, he wipes his gloved hands together as if ridding them of dirt after a messy job. Then he steps over the prone man on long, somewhat gangly legs so he can come closer. “When someone said there was a disturbance going on at the church’s food drive I came as fast as I could. I hope you’re not hurt?”

Rousing from your initial disquiet, you take in the whole of him rather than just the strange eyes staring at you in question. You recognize the military uniform immediately, and bob a quick curtsy as was customary when dealing with someone of his station. “Worry not, good sir. I am unharmed and I have you to thank for that. I’d say you were just in time, in fact.”

The young soldier gives you an abrupt, dazzling smile that is so filled to the brim with boyish charm it almost gives you pause. He was handsome, yes, but he also looked like a troublemaker of the highest order. Certainly not someone you would need or want to find yourself mixed up with no matter how good looking he was or how pleasantly symmetrical his features were.

“It was my pleasure, of course, Sister …?”

You lift your chin and tell him your name.

He slowly repeats your name, as if savoring the feel of it on his tongue and the way the syllables curl inside his mouth. “Well, Sister, although I was all too happy to offer my assistance, you still played an admirable part too. Thanks to you I didn’t have to go chasing this guy down. I owe you my thanks as well.”

“Save it.” You sigh, giving your head a brief shake. “I was only doing what’s right. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must tend to the boy he stole from and get him another bowl of food.”

Decisively turning on your heel, expecting that to be the end of it, you start to walk away. To your great surprise, though, he quickly falls into step beside you.

“I’m Ajax, by the way.”

“A lovely name.” You don’t miss a beat but, rather than discouraging him with your indifferent tone, it just makes his grin grow even wider.

“I can help you.” He says it so point blank and matter of fact that for a split second you’re not quite sure what he even wants to lend you a hand with. And that was to say nothing of the why.

“Although I certainly appreciate the offer, I think you’ve helped plenty for one day.” Turning your head, you steal a quick glance back at the unconscious man still lying out on the ground. The boy with the green eyes was spitefully kicking dirt at him and, much like his mother, you willfully chose to ignore it. While it wasn’t exactly good or proper behavior, you figured he was entitled to a tiny bit of payback for what he’d endured. “Shouldn’t you be escorting that gentleman to the jailhouse right about now? Surely that is a much more pressing matter for you than feeding the sick and hungry.”

“Don’t worry, he won’t be waking up anytime soon and I’m sure another officer will happen by any minute now to take care of it.”

You send him a slow, curious look, but he doesn’t seem the slightest bit put out. “That’s an odd thing to say, isn’t it? As a young man in her majesty the Tsaritsa’s army I would have thought you’d jump at the chance for recognition of such a good deed.”

He casually waves that off with a chuckle. “Ah, who really cares about recognition anyway? I’m much more interested in doing what I enjoy than making decisions based on what will earn me merit.”

Something told you that was only a very small fraction of the bigger picture. He was still young and clearly impulsive, so you didn’t doubt that he truly was far more inclined to do only what he found worthy of his efforts to pursue. It wasn’t your place to comment on that though, nor did you want to humor how that applied to you in the here and now by giving it any deeper thought than that.

Ignoring Sister Darya’s incensed glare, you pause at the corner of the church’s food drive table and turn to face your dogged shadow. This man, this soldier named Ajax, obediently halts just within arms reach and looks at you with an expectant, almost puppy-like eagerness as if waiting for the next command to fall from your lips. You may have found it cute otherwise, but you weren’t about to encourage him in any way. It wasn’t in your nature to knowingly lead people on and unlike some of the other Sister’s in the order you didn’t derive any such pleasure from doing so. You’d have to be blunt then.

“I thank you again for your assistance,” You pointedly intone. “But I cannot allow you to waste your time taking on the church’s work. Her majesty has greater expectations of you than handing out bowls of porridge. You have your responsibilities and I have mine. We would both do well to remember that.”

He doesn’t look half as dejected by that as you’d hoped he would, his boyish grin only taking on a frustratingly sly edge now. “Aww, don’t tell me this is your way of sending me off into the cold again.”

“I’m afraid so. I don’t have time to entertain anyone, you understand.”

Those odd eyes of his dance before you as he gives you a quick, appraising glance up and down to take in your shuddering cloak and the fluttering veil atop your head. But it strikes you once again as being strange, how his irises don’t seem to reflect the light at all. Rather they almost seem to swallow it up like a void. You’d initially thought it a mere trick of the senses brought about by the heavy charcoal clouds hanging overhead but … even now, even standing near the cackling flame over which the pot of porridge was simmering, there still was no reflection to be found in his eyes. It was a little unsettling, if you were being honest.

Just what was he?

“You break my heart, Sister. Is it not also the responsibility of a soldier to see that the needs of the people he serves are met? Lending the church a hand would be nothing short of a great honor for me.”

You set your mouth in a firm, unamused line. “I’m afraid I’m not fool enough to believe that when you just told me you’re not interested in doing things simply for merit. You’ve got an ulterior motive in volunteering your services and I’m not interested in such games.”

A quick laugh huffs out of him as he lifts a hand to place it emphatically over his heart. “You wound me, Sister! What do you take me for, huh?”

“Someone who’s time would be much better spent escorting that vagabond away from the food drive before he wakes up and starts causing more trouble for us, that’s what.”

“Fair enough.” Shoulders shaking with laughter, he pauses to give you another glance over from the top of your head down to the toes of your smart leather boots. You’re acutely aware of the other Sister’s watching on in rapt fascination and morbid curiosity, as well as the townsfolk standing close enough to the front of the line to eavesdrop, but you firmly stand your ground. There would be time to feel embarrassed by this scene later, in the privacy of your own dorm.

At length, Ajax finally gives his head a shake. “I didn’t know they made Sisters like you.”

“They don’t. I’m all of my own making.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He finally falls back a step with a brief nod of acknowledgment. Allowing himself one final look at you, Ajax turns away with one last word of parting. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Sister. I hope to have the pleasure of seeing you again soon.”

Standing there in the cold and the chaffing wind, and the flurry of snow, you watch him walk away. You think you could go your whole life without having another run in with him and it would still be too soon. It wasn’t that he was just a bit strange even for a young, headstrong soldier. There was something genuinely peculiar about him. Even putting aside the way he’d kept looking at you, there was still a sense of undesirability about the whole situation. From a nuns perspective he presented a multitude of problems, the least of which being temptation that did not fall in line with your vows.

Turning your head to look at the others when he bends to retrieve the culprit from the ground and save him from the agitated rumblings of the antsy crowd, you spare Sister Darya a withering scowl. “I don’t want to hear a word about it.”

The way her eyes flash at you in mute disapproval seems to say ‘I told you so’ but you adamantly ignore it in favor of reaching for another bowl to fill. At the rate you were going it was starting to look like you’d never get that break.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Everything seems so normal that at first you almost don’t even realize it’s a dream.

Some distant part of you knows you’d been so tired from the food drive that you’d fallen asleep almost as soon as your head hit the pillow after taking a nice, long bath to rid yourself of the permanent Snezhnayan chill. But you were glad for the normalcy of it, content to meander your way through whatever your resting subconscious decided to conjure up. The first scene is a field of wildflowers that does not exist in the ice and snow of your motherland. It’s peaceful there and quiet. A welcome haven of tranquility which you dreamed of with some frequency.

You’re more than a little disappointed when it suddenly changes to the town square. One moment you’d been picking dandelions to weave into a wreath for your hair, and the next you were standing in the middle of a cold barren wasteland. The streets were empty around you, the houses dark and silent. The flowers wilt in your hands. Dropping them, you turn in a circle to survey your surroundings. Nothing looked out of place aside from the total lack of people, or even any dogs or cats roaming the area. No birds, either.

Without a particular destination in mind, you start to walk. A part of you hoped the scenery would change again and morph into a more pleasing visage around you, but that’s not what happens. It feels like you spend many minutes just walking up and down the empty streets like a lost ghost, each step its own eternity. Every breath its own death rattle. A niggling thought in the back of your mind whispers of danger, warns of something being not quite right, and yet you don’t retrace your path back to the starting point in the square. Like there was an invisible string tugging you along, you follow its suggestive pull straight through town to the church.

Despite finding this rather strange, even for a dream, you open the door and go inside without pause.

The sanctuary is just as desolate and deserted as everywhere else had been. You hadn’t seen so much as a suggestion of another living being, human or otherwise, and still the string tugs. Trance-like and spellbound, you follow the exigent summons through the grounds; past altars and holy relics, and pews and the baptistery, out into the courtyard. You cross over bare frozen ground to the monastery. Up the long flight of stairs and down the empty hall until you reach the door to your own room.

This is the first thing that gives you any real amount of hesitation but the string just pulls harder. Like a puppet under the guidance of a masterful biloquist, your hand comes up to grab the knob. You watch yourself turn it and then swing the door open. Your skin prickles with static electricity when you cross the threshold but this, too, is empty. Having half expected to walk in and find your own sleeping form huddled on top of the narrow bed, you’re strangely disappointed to find the sheets neatly made and smoothed out. They looked like they would never be disturbed again, as if the room itself had been plucked out of reality and then frozen in time and space.

You feel the string slip away then, as you’re standing just inside the doorway looking over your bed, and a rattling breath puffs out of you at its loss. It leaves you trembling with newfound life, as if whatever force served to guide you here had sedated your mind and body alike to encourage compliance. Now, though, you were suddenly acutely aware of just how disconcerting the trek here had actually been. How heavy and oppressive the static charged air really is.

Hands clenching and unclenching at your sides to restore feeling in them, you cautiously step around the room. It was not a large space and you were able to complete a full circuit in only ten steps. The bed took up a vast majority of the capacity. Your writing desk took up most of the rest. Suspiciously, you even bend to peer under the metal frame that holds the mattress, but there’s nothing there. It was just as void of life as everywhere else.

When you straighten up again something in the single small window in the room catches your attention. You squint at it a moment but your eyes can’t quite make out what it is, so you step closer. There’s a thin layer of condensation coating the glass and, thinking perhaps that was what was obstructing your view, you reach up to wipe it away. The very real sensation of cold, wet moisture under your fingers startles you more than you’d like to admit. Your foggy mind reels and stumbles over the visceral thought.

And then your eyes adjust.

A dull, muted burst of copper. Red horns. It wasn’t outside amongst the trees and the buildings, and the dark overcast sky. It was behind you.

Holding yourself achingly stiff, you slowly turn around. You’re not really sure how you maintain your cool when every inch of your skin was crawling with a violent eruption of goosebumps but you’re exceedingly glad for it as you set your sights on the monster in the doorway. It’s not just large, it’s huge. You think it must be over seven feet tall, perhaps even pushing eight, and it takes up the whole frame with its massive stature. It seems implausible for something of that size to move around as silent as any soft footed cat, but you’re positive you hadn’t heard a single sound. If this was just a figment of your imagination, you sorely hoped it would dissolve away into nothing very soon.

What you think must be its eye just stares at you though, unblinking and unmoving. This tense stand-off lasts so long, in fact, that your frightened adrenaline eventually starts to wear off bit by bit, leaving you feeling somewhat disoriented in the aftermath. Was it even alive? Had your taxed mind and body really summoned the likeness of a horrible monster just to terrorize you in your dreams? And, perhaps most perplexing of all, why did it spark a distant note of familiarity in the dregs of your memory? Almost like you’d seen it or something like it recently, but that couldn’t be true. Certainly you never would have been able to forget such a creature as this …

You just start to toy with the notion of slipping around it to get back out into the hall when it sedately lifts its arm. Frozen in place by a fresh surge of uncertainty and fear, you watch it push the door so that it swings shut with an almost casual motion. The click of the latch catching sounds like the heavy swing of an executioner's blade.

“You came.”

Its deep, raspy voice seems to reverberate in the very air itself and, finally unable to keep your nerves in check any longer, you take a stumbling step back to press into the wall. Your heart threatens to jackhammer straight out of your chest as you frantically try to process the situation. Not only was it very much alive and capable of interacting with the environment, it could also talk. You’re not sure why that disturbs you as much as it does but there’s no denying how your stomach painfully cramps with sinking dread now. Every fiber of your being thrums with the desire to run and flee, to hide from this monster, and yet you knew you were trapped in here with it. Even if you’d wanted to make an attempt at the now closed door the room was much too small. You’d never get around it.

All you can do is quake when it takes a deliberately slow step forward before stopping again. Just looking at you. Gauging your reaction, perhaps? You didn’t really care about any of that.

“What are you?” It’s little more than a frightened whisper.

“Think of me as a god come to collect on what is rightfully mine.”

Your spine snaps straight even as a disconcerted shudder races through you. “You are no god, foul beast. You’re a demon.”

The thing laughs, low and hoarse. “Close, but not quite. You may call me Foul Legacy. Or, if you would prefer, ‘master’ will suffice just as well for your role.”

“I will call you no such thing!” You hiss in indignant affront.

“You will.” It assures you, taking another controlled step closer. “If I command it of you, your only choice will be to obey. If I tell you to get on your knees and worship me then that is what you will do. I told you, didn’t I? I’ve come to claim what’s mine.”

You start to open your mouth to protest but your words fail you, and you slowly close it again. Frantically now, your wide eyed gaze scans the room looking for any sliver of hope for escape. You were cornered against the wall though. You’d never make it past this thing, and the window was much too small for you to crawl through even if it stopped long enough to let you get it open. The window …

Stealing a split second glance at the rectangle of glass just next to your head, you confirm your suspicions. The streaks left behind in the wake of your hand were still there. The cool condensation had felt undeniably real under your skin which meant, at least to some extent, this dream was a tangible one. Or maybe it would’ve been more accurate to call it a hallucination? It didn’t matter.

If this was real enough to touch then that must have meant the monster was too. It was a slim chance but maybe you could fight your way past it and get away …

“Are you so unimpressed with this form that you allow your mind to wander?” The creature remarks, but it doesn’t sound surprised or even offended at this fact. More than anything, it almost sounds amused and that is what ultimately steels your resolve. It’s mistake would be underestimating you.

“I was merely thinking how best to convey my lack of interest in you, oh great demon lord.” You volley back rather primly. “You don’t exactly look like a man, but you are shaped like one … I wonder if a good kick between the legs might get the message across.”

The fiery haired thing throws its head back and laughs. You almost lose your nerve, but you valiantly cling to that tiny spark of courage you still had left. Cautiously, you start to edge your way down the wall.

“Splendid! I would expect nothing less from my future bride! I knew you wouldn’t disappoint me.”

Stilling, you widen your eyes at it. “Your what?”

You realize your mistake a moment too late. When you should have kept moving towards the desk for the most direct path to the door you’d instead allowed it to give you pause. Even though it lasts for but a single heartbeat that’s more than enough time for the monster to act.

It’s on you in the blink of an eye. Grabbing under your arms, it hauls you straight up off your feet like you weighed nothing at all. The sudden rush of movement, the unexpected press of huge, clawed hands curling around your ribcage shocks a sharp gasp out of you. But before you have a chance to do anything else, it shoves you back into the wall with a bodily thud that makes the old rafters tremble. The impact doesn’t hurt, not really — not as much as it could have, given how strong the creature evidently is — and you just gape down at its horrid face in stunned disbelief.

You'd barely even seen it move …

“Oh, that look of surprise is quite charming on you.” It rasps, snickering low under its breath. “I knew I could rip that frigid mask away with enough time. I wonder how else you’re going to warm up for me …”

“W - what are you —“

The words trail off into nothing when the lower half of its jaw hinges open, and a long, snake-like tongue slips out to waggle tauntingly in the thin space separating you from it. Bile rises in your throat as you bring your hands up to claw desperately at its forearms but it doesn’t even seem to notice. That dreadful appendage just keeps unfurling out of its mouth, dripping threads of saliva here or there that land on the floor with soft little plops that make your stomach roil. Trying very hard not to panic, you futilely turn your head away from it.

“Do not fear what I offer you, little nun. I have every intention of making sure you enjoy this just as much as I do.”

It licks you then, that slimy tongue swiping up the side of your face from chin to temple. The wet, quickly cooling stripe it leaves behind makes you choke in disgust. You think it’s reminiscent of a dog, almost, that was much too eager to show its affection to stop long enough and consider how the recipient might feel about it. In the same breath you have the niggling thought that this was not the first time you’ve been reminded of dogs today. Before you have a chance to connect the pieces, the monster speaks again.

“You really will make the most lovely bride, you know. I’m eager to see you with my mark.”

“I rebuke it!” You snap, struggling anew against its hold. “I rebuke you, foul creature! My faith will protect me and - -“

“Hah! I’d like to see that, Sister.”

You go stock still when it says your name, and your heart skips across your ribs like a rock skimming over the surface of a lake. It felt just as heavy too, in that moment.

But the monster doesn’t give you a chance to recover and that heinous tongue flicks across your cheek to rudely slip inside your mouth. You shriek around the abrupt intrusion, eyes wide and unseeing, as the length of it just keeps coming. It squirms and wriggles its way towards the back of your throat almost too quickly for you to react. Running on instinct now, you viciously snap your teeth down but all the creature does is let out a shuddering groan of pleasure, as if it liked the pain. Your jaw loosens in surprise as much as confusion, and it takes quick advantage of that to shove its tongue straight down your gullet.

You gag on it, heaving with a violent wrench as your throat is penetrated. Tears spring up in your eyes but you can’t even scream with it blocking your airway like this. Helpless to do anything else, you just hang there and try not to pass out while it reaches deeper and deeper into you, through your esophagus almost straight down to your guts. It pauses there, giving you a moment to fully process the sensation of your whole body writhing on its tongue, before gradually starting to withdraw back the way it had come. It’s a sick, claustrophobia inducing sensation that only seems to double down when you dry heave and choke around it but, at last, it slips free of your constricting throat, and you suck in a wretched mouthful of air.

Ignoring the way you cough and spit up bubbling sheets of drool, the horned beast takes a moment to swirl its tongue around the interior of your mouth; feeling along the roof, over your tongue, tracing the outline of each individual tooth straight back to your molars. You shudder and heave, struggling to even comprehend exactly how violated you felt in the aftermath of that disgusting experience. You’d been right to call it a demon …

“You taste good.” It says when it finally starts to retract its tongue a moment later, setting its sights on lapping up the drool that coats your chin instead. “Good enough to eat, in fact. I wonder how much you’ll squeal when I feast between your legs.”

“Unhand me this instant,” You wheeze as more of your strength and will to fight slowly comes back to you with the oxygen you pull in. “You are vile and repulsive … I want nothing to do with it!”

“Oh, now that sounds familiar.”

Noising a tiny sound of confusion, you clutch its thick forearms in a death grip while it moves to set you down on your feet. You don’t trust it, not by a long shot, and your greatest fears are soon realized when its fingers curl into the fabric of your smock. The sound of straining thread reaches your ears long before it actually rips and you cry out when the first ragged strip is torn from you with a deafening tear. Piece by piece, it shreds your clothes to tatters no matter how wildly you try to twist away or cling to the quickly dwindling panels of black cotton. All too soon you find yourself naked save your stockings and the bloomers pulled over them, and your brassiere which it promptly shreds too.

Evidently saving your bottoms for last, it reaches for your veil next.

“No!” You shriek, hating the terror you can hear in your own voice as you make a useless, frantic attempt to shove the monster away.

It actually pauses even though you didn’t so much as budge it one little bit though, and it tips its head to the side inquisitively almost like … almost like a dog. There was that association again but where was it coming from? You couldn’t quite seem to remember, either due to your suffocating fear making the memory slip away or because your sleeping subconscious couldn’t quite remember enough to supply it on demand. Either way, you were sure it held the answer to your current predicament and you just couldn’t seem to grasp it.

Why did this thing seem so damn familiar to you?

“You do not want me to see your hair.” It’s a statement, not a question, and it takes everything you have not to outright scoff.

“Of course I don’t, you fiend! It is improper for a — a man, even one such as you, to look at the uncovered head of a nun who has sworn herself to the faith. You should be ashamed of yourself!”

It seems to consider that for a moment, humming softly as if in thought. “It is my understanding that, should one of the Sister’s ever take on a husband, then he alone is permitted to look upon her uncovered hair. Fine. Then I will allow you to keep your modesty until we consummate our union.”

You prickle defensively at the way it almost spits the word, as if with contempt and spite. “I will not be wed to you! I swore an oath to the church!”

“And now you will swear an oath to me.”

Hissing, it reaches out to grab at your bloomers even when you desperately try to slap its hand away. It tears them off just like everything else with neither forethought or effort, and you seethe at your own helplessness as you make one last ditch effort to wrench yourself free. But it’s too strong, too big. Just one of its hands seems to dwarf your hip when it possessively curls around your waist to hold you still. Your chest heaves with quick, panicked breaths as you tip your face down to watch it bring a claw close to your cunt, expecting it to rip off your pantyhose the same way it had all the rest. But all it does is caress over you with a thick knuckle and your face grows even hotter with indignation at the nudge. You couldn’t stand the thought of this thing touching you like this and yet you couldn’t seem to look away from it either.

“I don’t want this,” You whisper, barely even hearing your own voice over the blood that pounds in your ears.

“You will.” It assures you. Unexpectedly gentle, tentative almost, it curls its thick forefinger further back to prod at your crease and you fitfully shudder at the implication.

Was it really going to take you to wife? You’d never heard of anything more ridiculous; a nun and a one eyed demon, horns and all. It was completely useless to try and keep your cool any longer, and you outright whimper when it carefully pokes its claw up to pierce the thin layer of nylon. Hyper aware of how much it would hurt to get nicked by that sharp talon in such a sensitive spot, you force your body to stay as still as you can manage while it rips your stockings open at the crotch. Cool air wafts against your exposed cunt, making you tremble, and it breathes out a sigh of great pleasure as it teases the patch of curls there with those monstrous fingertips.

“Am I the first one to ever see you like this?”

“O - of course you are, foolish beast … I take my vows seriously. This isn’t — it’s not right, do you hear me? I was saving myself …”

Issuing a low, rasping laugh, it reaches up to palm your other hip with a muted squeeze, holding your waist in both hands now. “You were saving yourself for me. This whole time you were always fated to become my bride and you did so well maintaining the sanctity of your body but that’s all over now. You’re free to embrace your most depraved thoughts and urges. Free to languish in the licentious and erotic desires you’ve been suppressing for so long. I offer you no judgment for your human needs. Only pleasure.”

Squirming against its hold when your pussy flutters in unmistakable interest, you bring your hands up to weakly clutch its huge wrists again. You couldn’t believe this was happening. How could your body betray you over a creature like this? “No. I won’t fall for it. I refuse!”

“We shall see.”

Its tongue slips out again, curling through the air like a pink, wet serpent. Down to your chest where it takes a moment to flick over your nipple until it's coated in a fine sheen of spit and achingly stiff. You didn’t want it touching you like that but you also didn’t want to touch it, so you stop yourself from smacking at it. Just keep reminding yourself that this is only a dream — a very realistic, disturbingly tangible one, but a dream nonetheless. Whatever happened here held no weight in the real world.

And maybe … just maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to indulge in the carnal just once?

The prodding tip of its tongue gives your teat one last wet nudge before tracing a path down your front. Past your ribs and its huge thumbs bracketing your waist, over your bellybutton and straight down to brush against your curls. You shudder at the sensation, at the very suggestion of what was to come, but you don’t fight it now. Rather, you hesitantly shift your weight from one foot to the other and then cant your hips forward with a shy little push. The monster hums a rumbling sound of approval before dipping its tongue between your thighs.

Eyes widening at the feel of it on your cunt, you just stand there like a frozen statue while it traces along the seam of your body. You’d never experienced anything like it before, and you were horrified at how eagerly your loins curl in anticipation. You almost let your courage waver, almost second guess your impulsive decision to humor this at all, but until you woke up you were effectively trapped and fighting it clearly wasn’t going to do any good.

Oh, why couldn’t you just wake up from this nightmare already?

“Relax.” It breathes out, unconcerned by the glistening threads of drool that drip from its mouth. “I will not hurt you, little nun.”

You wanted to believe that very badly. Almost as much as you wanted to believe that indulging like this wouldn’t have any impact on your waking conscience.

That slimy tongue starts to push up then, pressing into your lips, and you suck in a harsh breath. It teases around your entrance for a brief moment before it starts to wriggle its way in deeper. The penetration is not unlike that of your throat — all fleshy and smooth, and damp with spit — but it still stretches you enough to toe the line of discomfort. Swaying in its hold, you let out a dizzy groan.

“Oh … that’s - -“

“Only the tip.” The thing laughs.

You try to calm your breathing as it moves around inside you to work your body open, but it’s a losing battle. The stretch of until now untested muscle makes you wince while the slimy sensation of its tongue eagerly moving along your inner sleeve just leaves you wanting to throw up. You don’t think it’s supposed to feel like this, surely. Even without any experience of your own to go off of you’d expected sexual encounters to be more intimate and less … invasive. Less like you were being probed far beyond what any human hands should have been able to reach.

But if it sees any of the uncertainty flashing across your face it doesn’t show it. The demon only worms its tongue deeper and deeper as your passage reluctantly opens until the distant sensation of it bumping the end of you knocks a harried whimper loose. It’s an uncomfortable pressure but it doesn’t hurt. You’re exceedingly glad for that as you awkwardly shuffle your feet further apart to brace against the overload to your senses. It was like burning from the inside out, and the epicenter of it was concentrated squarely in your cunt. You felt certain you were going to combust any moment now.

“Mmm, you taste even better than I imagined. And so tight, too. I can’t wait to feel you squeezing my cock the same way.”

Your stomach clenches at the thought of how big a creature of this size must be. Fresh fear turns your veins to ice, and you weakly push against its hands. It doesn’t even seem to notice though, let alone take heed, and instead it just leisurely swirls that unnaturally long tongue around your guts. Back and forth, up and down. You’re dizzy with it and a little nauseous, but it also starts to feel good. Slowly but surely that initial discomfort fades to leave behind a thrumming vibration that makes you wheeze where you’re standing. And with it comes slick. So much slick that what you’d once thought only to be saliva quickly makes itself obvious as your cunt practically floods around the intrusion. It was impossible to comprehend the sheer extent of your arousal and yet it clearly didn’t matter. You’d toed the line a bit too close. Now there was no stopping it.

“P - please … it’s too much!”

Giving your waist a careful squeeze, the demon alters the motion of its tongue from swirling to thrusting. Sedate at first, it withdraws to drag against your interior walls when they squeeze and cling to the appendage and then it pushes back in. Right up to the end of your passage where it can’t go any further and the intense pressure makes you go cross eyed. You can’t even fully process how stuffed your cunt actually is, your legs turning weak and jelly-filled as it slowly increases the pace. The force. You’re beyond ashamed at the sticky wet clicks it pulls from between your thighs, but all you can do is helplessly writhe in its hold.

“Oh — oooh, wait … I - I can’t do this! I can’t!”

“It’s too late for that, Sister. You’re already doing it.”

You mewl at its response and throw your head back to wheeze up at the ceiling. It wasn’t wrong. You’d already crossed the line, yes, but this … this strange, unfamiliar feeling low in your gut was far beyond anything you would have ever expected from this. It was like you had to relieve yourself but also different somehow. A complete unknown you had no idea how to make sense of, and you let out a choked off squeal when the thrumming tension rapidly starts to double and then triple. No amount of thrashing was getting you out of its hold so you squeeze your thighs together in a vain attempt to dissuade it from moving inside you like that but it’s no use. Even trying to curl your legs up doesn’t work.

It just keeps fucking it’s tongue into your shuddering body without pause, and you start to feel truly dizzy as you dangle there between it’s massive hands. How could this be happening to you? And, more pressing, what was happening to you?

“You’re getting close, I suspect.” It sounds quite proud of that, but you’re a little too preoccupied with the jittery, firecracker nerves making you tremble and shake to question it. The pressure was getting almost unbearable now. You weren’t sure how much more you could take.

“Ahh — ahhghnn, ooohh please Holy Mother, please help me!”

“Aww, don’t start making me jealous. I’m the only god you should be praying to right now.”

Screwing your eyes shut, you turn your face from its horrible unblinking eye but it just laughs in response. Even if you’d wanted to snap at it for being so presumptuous as to think you would worship it in any capacity, you were finding your lungs constricting far too much to draw a proper breath. Your chest heaves with the blinding tension that races through your body and then — so suddenly you don’t get a chance to realize it’s even happening, it abruptly tips over. Spills out to wrack the whole of your body and devolve you into a shuddering mess of spasms.

You shriek and yelp as your pussy almost violently squeezes down on its tongue which just keeps moving insistently inside you. In and out, in and out like a continuous piston that even your tightly clenching guts couldn’t seem to keep at bay. That slippery appendage keeps spearing through you unimpeded, forcing your roiling muscles to keep contracting with each plunge, and you very nearly pass out from how intensely the sensation hits you. It was simultaneously like drowning deep in the bottomless ocean and soaring high overhead at the same time. You couldn’t even begin to make heads or tails of it.

But it starts to fade much too fast. The sharp jolts of undeniable pleasure only last what seems to you like a few seconds and then those cresting waves are rapidly receding, like the tide pulling back from the shoreline. You still can’t quite draw a full breath and yet you soon go slack as the tension drains completely to leave you twitching in the aftermath. An odd sense of elation quickly rushes in to replace it though, and you’re ashamed at how you innately warm to the monster’s presence. You couldn’t believe how good that had felt … and bless the Cryo Archon, did that make you a terrible person?

All of a sudden you weren’t so sure you cared about that anymore, and that terrified you perhaps more than anything else that had happened here in this room.

“You look so good creaming all over my tongue.” It murmurs, drawing your muddled attention away from those fuzzy headed thoughts. “And the way you taste? Burn everything, I could help myself to this pretty cunt all day. I'm eagerly looking forward to consummating our marriage on the next new moon.”

Stirring out of your post-climax stupor, you frown at it in genuine confusion. “You aren’t going to do it now?” You weren't disappointed. Surely not. Just surprised, and very confused.

The demon sighs forlornly — rather dramatically, if you were being honest — and shakes its head. “I’m afraid not. I’d like to, of course, but the mating ritual has its own rules that I can’t supersede. Oh, don’t give me that grumpy look, Sister. I’m not leaving you empty handed tonight, rest assured.”

You draw a quick breath to berate the damned thing but then it starts to pull its long tongue out of your body and you tense up, seething through your teeth instead. The sharp sensitivity still racing through your nerves made you feel raw and tender. Overwrought in the most literal sense, and it finally slips out with a wet little slurp that makes you whimper at the loss as much as at the sound. You hadn’t thought yourself capable of, well … any of that. Any of this.

How were you possibly supposed to rationalize any of it in the light of day?

You’re still trying to work that out when it carries you to the bed where it sets you down, pulls back the sheets and then tucks you in with a truly shocking amount of care. You definitely hadn’t expected that. Not that you’d expected much of anything that had happened over the course of this implausible dream, but you decide not to fight it as the monster takes a moment to brush your veil over the pillow the same as it may have done with your hair. It was all much too strange to think about right now. You could pick it apart and analyze it tomorrow, when you’d had some time to actually process these bizarre happenings.

Or maybe never, if your subconscious was kind enough to let you forget any of this had ever happened in the first place.

“Rest now.” It tells you softly in that low, raspy voice. “I will be back to claim what’s rightfully mine soon enough.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

You remember everything, of course.

And somehow that doesn’t surprise you in the least as you lay there in your bed, staring up at the ceiling while warm rays of morning sunlight bounce off the stark, unadorned walls. In retrospect you’re a bit disappointed to think that you could ever be so naive. To believe you’d forget something like that … it had certainly left an impression, at least.

What does strike you as odd though is the warm, continuous cramp in your lower belly. You readily want to write it off as menses related but … that doesn’t seem right. It should have been too soon for that just yet in your menstrual cycle.

Unable to stay your gnawing curiosity any longer, you finally rip the sheets off and look down at yourself. Your plain white nightgown is a bit rumpled but given the dream you’d had that didn’t seem so strange. That’s what you try to tell the niggling voice in the back of your mind anyway as you gather it up around your waist but what you find underneath stops you cold.

Etched into the skin just over the center of your pelvis as though with ink was a four pronged, hexagonal sigil. It was faintly purple in the light, and as clear as day. But that didn’t make any sense. Or rather, you couldn’t make any sense of it at all. You’d been asleep the whole night, here in your room, and this most assuredly had not been there when you’d taken a bath the previous evening …

You bolt upright with a strangled gasp. Turning your head to look at the window sends a debilitating chill racing through your body. Through the morning condensation beading on the glass you could see the evidence of a hand smudge, right where you’d touched it in your dream.

“No.” You whisper at the glass pane and then, with more conviction, “No. That’s not possible!”

It feels like your skin is trying to crawl right off your bones as you shoot out of bed and make a beeline for the tiny closet next to the desk. You rip the door open so forcefully it rattles and groans in protest but you can’t be bothered to worry about that right now. Not when you were staring at your habits, the one you’d worn yesterday, hanging in shreds from the hanger. You couldn’t believe it. Didn’t want to believe it, but the proof of it was staring you right in the face. Even your brassiere and bloomers were torn to pieces in the little basket you kept them in on the floor of the closet. The only thing untouched was your veil. Just like in your dream … except, it wasn’t actually a dream, was it?

Too numb to even wail over this revelation, you slowly sink down to the floor and just stare at your ruined clothes for what feels like a lifetime. There had to be some way out of this mess. There had to be.

Right?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The archbishop gives you an exceedingly strange look when you inquire about exorcisms, and it only continues to grow more and more pronounced the more you push the matter while also skirting around the subject at the same time. Not that you could really blame him, of course. You’d had to wait until after the morning service to corner him next to the dais before he could slip out through the side door so you’d had plenty of time to stew over everything, which meant you were coming in perhaps a little hot on the topic. That didn’t matter though. You were determined to get this resolved regardless of the cost, and if that meant having to shake some sense into him before he’d take you seriously then that was exactly what you were going to do.

Luckily it doesn’t come to that, and he eventually relents after you doggedly refused to give up your line of questioning. Giving his head a hopeless shake, he takes on the tone of someone leveling with a crazy person. “I understand your concerns, Sister, but exorcisms aren’t something that we implement unless absolutely necessary. It is very much a last resort, you see, and there is a rigorous process to even get approval for one. I’m afraid there’s not much else I can tell you.”

You remind yourself to take a deep breath and count to five before speaking next. It wouldn’t do to snap at the one person who might actually be able to help you get out of this mess. “With all due respect, Father, I don’t think that answer will suffice. Even if it’s not a full on exorcism, surely there must be smaller measures in place to help … discourage a demonic presence from returning?” Something a bit more effective than prayer and baptism evidently were.

His eyes narrowing in clear suspicion, the archbishop speculatively regards you for a moment. “Is there something you aren’t telling me, Sister?”

Of course it would finally get to this point. You’d expected as much, yes, but that doesn’t make the dread wrenching at your gut any less unbearable. How were you supposed to explain any of what had happened last night when you didn’t even understand it yourself? All you knew was that your clothes were in tatters up in your dorm, the window still showed evidence of your hand wiping across it and your lower stomach …

“Ah, Sister! There you are! Just the lady I was hoping to see.”

You spin around so fast your eyes feel like they’re going to pop right out of your skull. That feeling only increases when you find Ajax standing there at the end of the pew in his neatly pressed uniform and his smile blinding under the light that comes in through the stained glass murals. Your knees buckle and almost completely give out under you when your belly twists as if someone had shoved a red hot iron into it. Subconsciously you lift a hand to cradle the spot where the tattoo was but you couldn’t quite seem to tear your shocked gaze away from him.

That was it, wasn’t it? The association.

You think that has to be right. Had never been more sure of anything else in your life, and yet that doesn’t seem half as pressing as the thrumming arousal that grips you so suddenly and so tightly it actually pulls a quiet whimper out of you. Your cunt floods with it, so much slick producing at the drop of a coin that it makes you feel nauseous and disoriented in the same breath. But how could that be? And why was he just standing there inside the church as if it was the most normal thing in the world for him to be doing?

This was hallowed ground … wasn’t it?

“W - what are you doing here?”

Grinning, Ajax tips his head to one side. Inquisitive. Eager. Puppy-like. Bless the Holy Mother, you really were going to be sick.

“Aww, come on. Didn’t I tell you already?” He laughs softly, but those blue, blue eyes reflect none of that same humor. They reflect nothing at all, in fact. “I'd hoped we’d get to meet again after our little run in yesterday, so I just figured I’d take matters into my own hands and speed it up. I brought you flowers.”

You just catch the sound of the archbishop scoffing beside you in obvious disapproval and you would have wholeheartedly agreed with him under better circumstances. But better circumstances would not have found you panting with the effort of keeping your wits about you. It was like you were suffocating under the weighty pressure of the mark branded into your skin, and it almost seems to throb as you numbly look down at the humble bouquet he holds out. You could tell it was handpicked at just a glance. Some frost growing ferns and puffy cats tails, and … purple ivy.

Affection.

Fidelity.

Wedded love.

He couldn’t be serious, could he?

The sly edge that creeps into his otherwise boyish smile seems to suggest that he was, in fact, quite serious. You stumble back a step in your reeling disbelief and the archbishop hurries to grab you by the elbow so he can steady you, but you hardly even notice the presence of his hands. Your eyes, your mind, your entire being was for Ajax and Ajax alone.

“I did not ask for flowers.”

“That’s true but I still wanted you to have them. You caught my eye yesterday, Sister. I hope you won’t turn me down.”

Confusion and uncertainty grip you in equal measure, but it is the low pulse of the mark on your stomach that truly robs you of the ability to speak. It’s hot and uncomfortable, and the way it makes your pussy sympathetically flutter in time with your heartbeat very nearly overrides all of your higher functioning thoughts. Was he really the monster that had accosted you in your sleep or … could it have been a separate entity? One he wasn’t even aware of, if he thought you could really reject him when just the sight of him standing there made you desperate to be filled again. To be feasted upon by that beast.

Slowly, you reach your hand out to accept the bouquet and the invisible string tightens its noose around you almost imperceptibly. Your fate was already sealed. You knew this to be true on an intrinsic, fundamental level.

Foul Legacy had been right to say you’d been saving yourself for it.

For him.

For this.

You would give him your sanctuary, may the Holy Mother save your soul.

⭐

Crossposted: here

#genshin impact #childe x reader #foul legacy x reader #self insert bullshit

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magniloquent-raven · 10 months

Text

I am once again plagued with thoughts that aren't 100% coherent so imma just ramble for a bit, pls gather 'round for some stuff about Billy and body image issues cuz I'm in my feels rn.

Billy spends a lot of time staring at Nancy.

Enough that Tommy's noticed and he starts ribbing him about it. "That's one thing of Steve's you might want to stay away from," bitter and pointed. Enough that Jonathan Byers gives him the stink eye whenever he's within glaring distance. Enough that a handful of the more desperate chicks still high off the fumes of his New Kid smell have started dressing like fucking librarians in hopes of catching his eye.

He doesn't give a shit about any of it, if anything the rumour mill is helping him out for once. Less work involved in keeping up appearances if everyone just assumes he isn't sleeping around because he's too busy sniffing Wheeler's granny panties.

As long as no one guesses the real reason, it's fine. It's fucking peachy. It's one silver lining in this shitstorm of a situation.

He's so tired of his eyes inevitably being drawn to her barely-there tits and tiny waist. Every time he's bored at lunch, his gaze wanders. When he's in the library pretending to study, there she fucking is, even smaller when she's hunched over a pile of cue cards.

The longer he looks at her the more sure he is that Steve will never really want him.

Steve's slept with plenty of girls. A variety of girls. He probably couldn't afford to be too picky in this shitty little town. But he's only fallen in love once. One time. The only time it mattered what he was sticking his dick in was when it was in Nancy Wheeler.

And Billy...will never be her. Not even close.

He'll only ever be a warm mouth and a convenient hand, he'll never matter.

She's flat, and thin. Willowy, narrow-shouldered. Petite. Inches shorter than him and nearly half as broad. Thin fingers and delicate wrists. She fit comfortably under Steve's arm, she could nestle safely into his side.

And it was all so fucking easy for her. She never had to try.

She never had to piss off her dad so she'd be forced to skip meals. She never did laps around her neighbourhood until she was lightheaded and doubled over, dry-heaving in someone's hedge. She was never forced to sign up for baseball as a child, poked and prodded and guilted into it because a couple shirts were starting to get tight across the stomach, and being a momma's boy was bad enough, being a fat, lazy piece of shit too was unacceptable.

He used to think he'd done well, maintaining the physique he has. He's worked hard for it. Scraping together his savings for a weight set and keeping careful track of his calorie intake and never skipping a single fucking day of exercise, hangovers and broken bones be damned. And it's fucking useful, truth be told. More than keeping away the echo of old insults bouncing around in his head, it's made flirting that much easier.

But the more he looks at Nancy Wheeler, the more he hates the things he can't change. It gets into his head. Digs in deep, leaving scars on its way down.

He thinks Steve might've noticed.

He knows Steve has heard the stupid rumours about Wheeler, and probably chalked it up to Billy being an asshole, as usual. But it's harder to explain away his sudden tendency to go extremely still whenever Steve puts his hands anywhere on his torso. A palm pressed to his chest, slipped under his shirt, or fingertips digging into his back, or a casual fucking pat on the shoulder—whatever it is, he can't help freezing up, if only for a second, a sick feeling twisting his stomach, cold and shameful and clawing at his lungs.

And then, eventually, they argue.

It's over nothing. And everything. Billy can't explain what his fucking damage is, and Steve can't stop needling in the wrong places. They scream at each other until their throats are raw and Billy leaves when his knuckles start to itch.

He cries all the way home and doesn't eat for four days. Not on purpose. Not consciously. He's just. Fucking. Busy. He's busy. He's always gotta drive Max somewhere or dodge Neil's thinly veiled threats or lock himself in his room when bile starts to bubble up in the back of his throat and his head pounds and he doesn't think about why he's snapping at everyone constantly, he just pounds back a couple beers and goes to sleep. And then it's four days later, and he's flying off the handle at Neil, too sluggish and lightheaded to see the hit coming, and...

Steve comes to see him at the hospital. He hasn't told anyone anything but they've got him hooked up to a banana bag and the nurses keep making sad eyes at him when they come to check his stitches.

He hates it, sitting around doing nothing, being closely monitored every fucking second, it make his skin crawl, and he hates it even more when Steve's standing in the doorway looking at him.

Not for the first time, he's overwhelmed wondering what exactly Steve sees.

He's a fucking mess right now. Greasy hair tangled at the back, bruises peeking out from under the collar of his gross papery hospital gown, one eye swollen shut and a dark tangle of thread holding his eyebrow together. It feels stupid to get stressed about all the shit that usually bothers him when there's so many other things to worry about, but he still finds himself shifting in place, hunching his shoulders, hiding his hands in the crooks of his elbows.

It's sort of a disaster. Worse than last time they saw each other. Billy's not in the mood for Steve's apologies and Steve's at a loss for what else to say.

They don't see each other again for months. Steve graduates. Billy avoids anywhere he thinks Steve might be, and lies awake at night haunted by stolen touches.

He catches a glimpse of Steve through the red haze of storm clouds and cold lightning, tears blurring his vision, the Mind Flayer wearing him like a suit. Their cars collide, and everything whites out for a second.

He's in the hospital again when they finally talk. Billy rolls his eyes at "We've gotta stop meeting like this," and tries not to think about last time he was here. Steve seems more than willing to ignore it. Move forward. Guess demonic possession puts some things into a different perspective.

When Billy's released from the hospital he's seventeen pounds heavier than he was a few months ago. Every time the nurses did their check-ups and put him on the scale they'd pat his elbow, smiling encouragingly, telling him how good he was doing while he watched his stomach get softer, his biceps get less defined, watched himself disappear beneath a layer of fat.

The first thing he does when he gets home is throw up.

He doesn't make it happen. It just happens. And he blames it on the meds they have him on. It's a plausible enough reason, and it means he doesn't have to interrogate the tiny spark of satisfaction he got from losing his lunch.

His second day back home Neil asks him when he's going to start exercising again. His expression is pinched. Cold. His eyes are ice chips freezing Billy's skin wherever they touch, lingering on the softness under his chin, and where the hem of his sleeve pinches his skin.

He pushes his dinner away and grits out an answer from between clenched teeth.

He doesn't need the reminder that he's gotten weak while he was trapped in a hospital bed, but Neil gives it to him anyways. Tells him all about everything he should do to get things back to normal. Push past the pain. Work harder. He tunes it out after a while, and watches grease congeal on his meatloaf.

Eddie Munson is the first person to bring up the things Billy's never known how to talk about.

They started hanging out after Billy's most recent brush with death. Billy's not sure exactly how the got here, from buying the occasional painkiller and letting the guy wax poetic about his dumb band, to spending weekends getting high together at the trailer park. But as weird things in his life go, it's barely worth questioning.

This particular conversation starts with Chrissy Cunningham.

Specifically, Eddie's massive boner for her.

Billy's been noticing it for a while. He hasn't been letting it bother him.

He hasn't.

Maybe he likes the way Eddie smiles at him when they pass a joint back and forth, lazily stretched out and wearing three less layers than usual, and maybe he thinks about closing the distance between them when Eddie offers to shotgun, but it doesn't fucking matter. Just like it doesn't matter that Steve hasn't touched him since before the Mind Flayer and things are fucking weird now that they're on speaking terms again. None of it matters, he's just a fucking idiot.

Because Steve and his new best friend Robin are attached at the hip lately and everyone can see where that's going, and Eddie won't stop talking about tiny, pretty, perfect fucking Chrissy and her stupid ponytail.

And Billy...Billy gets winded walking up the porch steps at his house now. And he pulled a muscle in his back trying to lift half the weight he used to press. And last week he burned three pairs of jeans in the backyard because he kept grabbing them out of his laundry pile, not realizing they don't fit anymore until he was struggling to pull them up past his knees.

He's lost the one thing people used to actually like about him. Never the people he wanted, he was never enough for that, but it was something. Now he's just...

Now he's just listening to a guy he likes talk about some goddamn cheerleader like she personally hung the moon just for him.

And he's drunk. They're both drunk. Eddie in a soppy, embarrassing way, with a sparkle in his eye and a flush on his cheeks, an arm across the back of the couch, outstretched far enough that the tips of his fingers almost brush Billy's shoulder.

He wants to move closer. Thinks about shuffling into Eddie's space, curling into the warmth at his side. But it twists in his guts, sours, sickens—he couldn't, he can't. And he hates himself for wanting to.

"What do you see in her?" spills out of his mouth, bitter on his tongue and sharpened by anger he has no right to feel.

She's pretty. He expects it. She's pretty, she's perfect. She's a fucking angel even though her and Eddie only know each other because she buys drugs off of him. But she can do no wrong because she looks like a little china doll with sad eyes and everyone would be devastated if a single hair on her tiny delicate head was harmed.

Eddie only looks thrown off for a second. A moment. But he shrugs it off, leans his head back against the couch cushions and grins at the ceiling. "She likes my music."

Since fucking when.

"So, what, it's just an ego stroking thing then."

"Nah, man. I mean. Like. She's got this whole good-girl thing going on, but you should see her when I pull out my guitar, it's fuckin'...magic. When she lets herself just. Live." He wiggles his fingers in the air, arms spread, then drops them back down.

Billy's heart clenches, squeezes. It hurts and he doesn't know why. "Bullshit."

"Nah, nah. Seriously. The guy she's dating is a fucking asshole. And her mom..." he trails off, and rubs his eye. "She's just got all this pressure to be perfect, act a certain way, look a certain way, be a certain way, and I hate seeing what it does to her, man. I hate it. No one should have to deal with all that. So. I dunno. I like helping her cut loose. Sorta, find herself, I guess." He cracks a crooked smile, casting a glance in Billy's direction.

And his smile drops.

"Billy?" He sits up, cautious, eyebrows up and his eyes wide.

Billy turns away, shocked into motion, wiping at his face with his sleeve. "I'm fine. Fuck off."

He didn't notice he was crying until Eddie looked at him like he'd seen a ghost.

"Yeah, obviously."

"Fuck you."

Eddie doesn't get much more out of him that night. But he starts watching Billy like a hawk after that. Checking in on him at random. Calling if they haven't seen each other in a few days. It should be irritating as fuck, and he acts like it is, but he still basks in the attention.

Doesn't hurt that it seems to annoy Steve to no end.

Especially doesn't hurt when, in a fit of apparent jealousy, Steve shoves Billy into a wall and kisses him like his life depends on it.

The hurt comes when Steve starts to unbutton Billy's shirt and Billy reflexively shoves him away, when he wants to keep going but wants it to stop and can't tell Steve either of those things because he doesn't have the words.

So he gets angry. At Steve, for pushing it, crossing lines he can't even see. But mostly at himself, because it might be easier than standing there heartbroken but he knows it's the worst thing he could do.

And at Steve, again, when the he doesn't respond the way he should. Doesn't punish Billy for doing the wrong thing, reacting wrong, being wrong. He doesn't withdraw and save himself, he tries to understand, tries to talk it out, like this is something Billy can just say out loud and it'll all be fixed.

He doesn't explain. Not that day. But he lets Steve hold him while he cries, ugly gasping sobs into the front of Steve's shirt, curled up in his lap, collapsed on the floor and tangled together. Because despite everything he's told himself, he does fit comfortably in Steve's arms.

💜tag list ppl💜 @spreckle @growup-thatbeautiful @prettyboy-like-you @suddenlyinlove

#stranger things #billy hargrove #harringrove #mungrove #a raven's writing desk #tw disordered eating #tw body issues #body image issues

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hiwelcometothemonstersancturary · 17 days

Note

What are the characters favorite/least favorite food.

I'm sure they aren't picky after being starved for 10 years, but I'm sure that Angel said it was okay to dislike something

Oof, it's about time I answered this!

Poppy loves desserts, but brownies and cakes are her favorites. She detests dragon fruit – so pretty, and it tastes like that? Horrendous!

Huggy has a hard time eating salads in general thanks to his teeth and poor control over his movements. Loves gummy bears, though! They're SUPER squishy and nice to munch on.

Kissy doesn't like eating meat or anything crunchy, as it reminds her too much of what she had to eat at Playtime Co. She however loves soups since the day Angel first made one, which was two nights after the rescue!

Mommy Long Legs loves spicy food. She's tearing up and her mouth feels like burning but she WILL keep on eating whatever spicy food there is until it's all over. Also really likes pumpkins! But please don't let her even near beets. She thinks it tastes like dirt. Also doesn't like overly sweet things.

DogDay, unlike MLL, has a huge sweet tooth and can and WILL eat anything sweet he gets his hands on. He likes chocolate the most! Hates having to eat anything spicy, as well as fried foods because his hands always feel icky afterwards.

CatNap takes a long time before he finds any preferences, because to him food is food, but he does love sushi and fish in general. He avoids eating anything that isn't dry and he can hold in his hands at first because he can't move his hands very well, but after some months of training he stops avoiding. Has no food he refuses to eat or dislikes.

Picky Piggy goes vegan. She can't even smell meat for the first few months without risking a panic attack! Loves anything that has potatoes in it though, it's always a 10/10 to her.

Bubba loves curry. He doesn't know why, but it sure makes him happy! Hates beans in general, though, because he always eats them on groups of 4 and he has to make some mental math in order to see if he should add more or not.

Kickin likes pastel. Angel managed to make some and told him it's a brazilian food. Kickin fell in love and can't get enough of it. Also really likes sushi! Hates spicy food and plates that are just green. Spicy because of sensory overload, green because he likes more variety.

Craftycorn LOVES pie, it's the best food ever to her. Hates anything that takes too much work for her to chew or cut because it reminds her a bit of how things were back at the factory.

Bobby Bearhug loves bacon and eggs. And just eggs in general. Also salad. salad with eggs added is something she adores, girl can't get enough. Just please don't ask her to eat fish, she hates those!

Hoppy loves corn and burguers in general. She's stimming everytime she has the opportunity to do so. Hates soup though.

Miss Delight avoids meat in general, but doesn't refuse to eat it. She loves jelly though! She thinks it looks and tastes SO good, she's stimming every time she can eat one, much like how Hoppy is with her food.

Boxy Boo still likes meat, but is horrified at the things Picky makes that LOOK like meat but AREN'T. He feels like a fool, staring at her in disbelief while Hoppy is laughing her ass off.

Bunzo Bunny isn't allowed to be alone near corn or candy anymore because he can and will eat even if not hungry. Ironically doesn't like carrots at all.

PJ Pug-a-Pillar loves cooked veggies and is often following Picky around when she's cooking. He doesn't like chocolate, though.

Angel loves cooked veggies and pasta. They're used to making them because it was easy to do and super tasty, but after becoming a parent it's just comfort instead of "I have no energy to do more" food. Also hates dragon fruit, same reasons as Poppy.

Prototype, like Bubba, LOVES curry. Doesn't have a least favorite food though!

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greywritesthings · 25 days

Text

Magpie muffins

Spencer Reid x Autistic!Reader

TW; Mentions of EDs, gagging, struggling to eat / trying foods, mentions of ARFID. These are pretty much covered in the first four paragraphs, after that they aren't mentioned.

A/N; You dont have to have read part 1 & 2 to understand this part but go check them out if you like this one!

Part 1 Part 2

SR Masterlist

Masterlist

“Honey you really do need to eat more of a varied diet, you're going to end up deficient in vitamins and that can cause a variety of things or make things such as migraines worse.” Spencer reminds you from across the kitchen. You knew he was right, you were vegetarian and picky, leaving you to eat the same five meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday. “I know spence, i'm trying i promise.” you respond as you flop back against the sofa. “In that case will you try this?” he asks you, making his way to the sofa with two hot bowls in hand. You knew it was pasta with some form of vegetable sauce, he blended them together with your safe foods and spices to try and cover them but nearly every time you could still taste them and no matter how hard you tried it would end in a shut down or a meltdown if you kept forcing yourself to eat it. He was gentle about getting you to try things, you were a lot less so. “You just have vegan chicken and cheese on your pasta but I have garlic mushroom and pesto, if you don't like it you can just eat yours okay?” He placed the bowls down on the coffee table, striding back across to the kitchen to grab cutlery and water for you both.

Trying new foods wasn't as bad as it was when you were younger, you had managed to recover from ARFID by the time you hit sixteen by clinical standards but it never quite went away, you still struggled with new foods of nearly any kind but you ate enough now so you were able to function, but you still had to take supplements to keep your levels in check.

“Want to try?” he asks, knowing that you despised pesto the least but you hadn't tried mushrooms before so it could go either way. You nod, looking apprehensively at the bowl on his lap. He grabbed some on his fork, making sure to only grab a few mushrooms so you weren't overwhelmed by something new.

You try and swallow the food down but the combination of the new taste and texture of mushroom and the overwhelming garlic and pesto flavours your brain just refuses, causing you to gag. You tried to slow down but you just ended up gagging again before rushing over to the bin to spit it out. You proceed to down a glass of water Spencer had set by the sink, predicting this would be the likely scenario. “You want to come eat the rest of your food magpie?” Spencer calls over to you, double checking. Knowing sometimes you didn't want to eat straight after trying new things that you didn't like. You agree to come back to the sofa and eat your own food.

It was the next day Spencer got you to try something new, you had gone in earlier than him to get started on a project with Garcia so Spencer was about an hour behind you. When you knew Spencer was going to be arriving you slipped out of Garcia's office to greet him.

“Morning Honey” you greet him with a hug. “I got you a new thing to try magpie, whenever you want.” he responds with a giddy smile on his face, giving away what it was almost immediately. “It's a magpie muffin isn't it?” you ask. Spencer had gotten a muffin from a specific bakery nearly every day when he lived in chicago called magpie and when he found out you had never had a muffin before he was determined to get you one from that specific bakery, but they had closed for renovations for the last eight months so he hadn't been able to get you one till now. “You want me to try it now really though don't you?” you ask as he gives you the puppy dog eyes. You head over to the coffee station to make your usual hot chocolate with honeycomb syrup making a mental note of the fact you were running low on the powder.

Once you headed back to your desk where Spencer was waiting he had laid out the muffin on top of the paper bag so your desk didn't get covered in crumbs. You pick up the muffin and lean your hip against the desk as Spencer watches you take a bite from the muffin. You're not normally a fan of cakes in general, hence why you hadn't had a muffin before. Surprisingly to both you and Spencer you liked it straight away, it was dark chocolate and white chocolate, you personally didn't like milk chocolate so the lack of it was great for you. You broke off a piece to give to Spencer but he refused and pulled his own out of his bag. “There's a box at home, my mom sent them when they reopened, they sent a few boxes to the facility so she knew about it before us.” he smiled. “Well what do you think about planning another visit to visit her? And getting more muffins because I adore them. I need the recipe.” You suggested to him, you had met his mother twice now, once while on a case and the second time was a planned visit, making it much easier for you mentally. “I'd like that, I think she would too.” So with an idea in place to start planning when to take time off together, you headed back up to Garcia's office, half a muffin in hand, giving him a quick kiss goodbye as Hotch reminded Spencer about the thirty case files he had to go over with short deadlines.

#greyswritings #spencer reid fluff #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid

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sobriety-circle · 3 months

Text

The comments on this post make me so upset as a sober person because it proves that a lot of people who drink don't respect sober people.

The implication that I get from this is that all sober people need help, and that support groups are our only safe space. While a lot of people do reach out for help in a variety of different ways for different reasons, especially if recovering from addiction, there are plenty of people who don't need help, or have recovered enough to not need help. These people still need safe spaces. We should be able to access fun things safely without needing mental treatment. (Also there is a growing inaccessibility of queer centers in my area, and I'm guessing this isn't a lone situation.) (Maybe I read too much into the comment but my points still stand without the context.)

I love libraries. Great idea, libraries are a great space for everyone, but we need more than just libraries. We need places to eat, and play, and environments that stimulate things beyond what a library can do. I'm sure libraries also can help with resources for those who need, and we should make this information more public without stigma. Also SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL LIBRARY.

And that's your own choice to make! If you think I'm meeting people WITH alcohol, you're wrong. The difference is that people like you likely have an easily accessible space for that. Sober people have to try harder to find these spaces, especially as a queer person.

I'm sorry you feel attacked as a "bar enjoyer." You should not feel discomfort caused by other people for your own decisions. As sucky as that is, this goes both ways. Stop telling sober people to suck it up, or that they're missing out (real things I have been told). Sober people and even recovering addicts do not often have equivalent safe spaces as those who drink casually. If you don't want to hear us complain, help us build dry bars.

Hm. I wonder why it's stereotypical that sober people don't like going out. It's almost like some people don't feel comfortable being in non-sober spaces and feel attacked when we ask for a dry space to exist. I would love to go to a late night venue and get out more, but I can't do that without anxiety. Others can't do that without risk of relapse.

The sobriety community is a very diverse place. I've met right wing sober people. Even Trump himself doesn't drink (nor does Biden if you were wondering). So this leads to a huge need for not just sober spaces, but sober spaces for other minorities. "We need queer friendly sober spaces," isn't something that should be made fun of.

I won't be a person who insists that all people who drink need to get sober. All I'm asking for is respect and understanding. I don't agree with a drinking lifestyle for me, and you don't have to agree with the sober lifestyle for you. I am just frustrated that sober people raise some very basic points about how we have a hard time finding places, and we are met with underhanded backlash.

If you (or someone you know) is struggling with addiction and is looking for help, I support you. Recovery can be rough, but you're so strong, and life can be so much better in the end. The fight is worth it. Stay safe, speak up, and be strong 💜

#original post #sobriety #sober #alcohol free

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vanwritesfan-fiction · 3 months

Text

Addiction

Part Seven: We Went Looking For Trouble

Series Masterlist

Warnings: language

A/N: The seventh part of the series, and things are finally getting serious lol

When you were a little girl, you were determined to learn how to swim. You were always incredibly headstrong, so instead of learning by instruction, you decided to dive head first into the lake behind your house with nobody around.

Still in your clothes, you dipped a toe into the ice cold water, a shiver running down your spine as you felt a surge of confidence. You could do this. How hard could it really be, right?

The first sense to leave you is sight, your eyes shut tight as you hit the water. You began to panic, your arms flailing with all your might as your fight instincts kicked in, but you weren't strong enough to keep your head above the surface. You were determined to survive, but it was a losing battle. For every bit of confidence you had, the water was stronger, all consuming, a reminder of how weak and insignificant you were.

It was like dominos knocking down after that, your limbs going numb, the only sound a ringing in your ears, your lungs filling with gulps of water as you took futile breaths.

You were on the edge of a precipice, and once you stopped fighting, allowing your body to slowly sink to the bottom, your mind was clear, not a thought of worry or fear, and for a moment you were overcome with a sense of peace. There's an ironic ease that sets in when you accept your fate. That regardless of how hard you fought or your best intentions, you were always going to end up here, nothing more than a memory of the many times your self-conviction had failed you.

You couldn't breathe. It was like someone had sucked the air out of the room, and had a vice grip on your lungs as you sat across from Jack. The ringing in your ears grew louder and louder, your heart beating out of your chest as you tried to keep yourself from panicking. You could only make out snippets of what he said, but you got the gist- Claire, relationship, pregnancy, fake.

Jack had been lying to you, that much you already knew, but you had no idea how deep this went. There was months of planning, manipulation, and deception not only to you, but to the world. Tears stung your eyes as you blinked them away, trying to focus on Jack's face, watching his mouth move as he spoke. You felt the bile creep up your throat, you were going to be sick for sure. You swallowed, trying to take short breaths to keep yourself from crying, vomiting, your body was reeling from a variety of visceral reactions to what you now knew.

"Please say something." Jack gripped his thigh, digging his fingernails into the skin to stop it from shaking. There was supposed a be a sense of relief that comes with telling the truth, but he knew he didn't deserve that. It wasn't even why he was telling you everything. He had learned to live with the guilt, knowing that no matter what he did, there was no going back from this, and telling you everything meant that he might lose you for good.

He would take any reaction from you, he just needed something. He was desperate for something. "I'm begging you. Scream, cry, yell at me, anything, just please say something. Please."

Please. That word brought you hurdling back to the present moment. You didn't even notice that he went quiet, your vision had blurred, red and black spots creeping into your sightline. You gripped the side of the table where you sat, feeling the grain of the wood, how it felt in your hand, cool to the touch, trying anything to ground yourself. This couldn't be your reality. You loved Jack, more than you had ever loved anyone else, and he just admitted to lying to you about everything, after months of wringing you dry of every bit of sympathy that you had for his situation, and now he wanted something else from you?

"I don't believe you", you finally croaked out, choking back a sob.

"I'm telling you the truth." Jack knew his words meant nothing, they held no weight, but still he had to try. "I want to be honest-I'm trying to be honest with you." He wanted you to know that this was intentional. That he wasn't trying to save face; he was way past that. He cleared his throat to try to get rid of the lump building, trying to keep his composure.

"You expect me to believe that your relationship with Claire was all contrived in a conference room? The interviews, the photos of the two of you kissing, holding hands, the engagement, the baby, was all just for show to save your career?" You ran a hand down your face, feeling the tears roll off your chin. "You must think I am so fucking stupid. I-I just can't believe you. I don't believe you", you shook your head. You were sucking in breaths so hard, you felt yourself growing light headed.

"It wasn't supposed to get this out of control. We were supposed to take some photos, look like a couple to the press, but behind the scenes, we weren't together. But she took it too far. The engagement and the pregnancy were all created to try to trap me. Keep me under her father's thumb." Jack frantically wiped at his face, trying to stop himself from crying, but it was futile.

You let out a humorless breath. "What, am I supposed to feel sorry for you?"

"No, I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I just wanted to tell you the truth. I owe you that much."

"Just stop it!" You slammed your hands down on the table in anger, making all of the chess pieces fly off the table, clattering against the marble floor. Jack leaned back in his chair, stunned. "Stop pretending like you give a fuck about me, Jack! You say you owe me the truth. Start there. You never loved me, you never gave a shit about me!"

"That's not true, baby. I do care about you." The fact that you thought there was no love between the two of you crushed him, a pain radiating through his chest. It was the only thing he was sure right now, how much he fucking loved you.

You looked at him through blurry lashes. "God, do you ever stop lying?" Jack ran a hand through his hair, pulling at the curls at the back of his neck. "What do I need to say to make you believe me?" He gripped onto his laptop. He still needed to show you the sex tape, but he was sure that would send you over the edge, and he couldn't do that to you right now. He hurt you enough for five lifetimes.

"Nothing. There is nothing you could say or do that would make me believe you, Jack." You were sobbing uncontrollably, running the last few months through your mind. God, how could you be so stupid? You were weak, so incredibly unhappy, and you blindly entered into a relationship with Jack that was going to haunt you for the rest of your life. "Why not?", he picked at the open wound he caused; it was like he just couldn't let it go. He couldn't let you go.

"Because-", you let out a quiet whine in pain, your stomach in knots. "Because then I would be admitting that this was all for nothing. The months of pining for you, loving you when you didn't love me, lying to the people close to me to protect you, hiding in the shadows so I didn't anger Claire, missing you so much that I couldn't breathe, it meant nothing." You weren't sure what hurt worse, the lies or knowing you were being played. You thought you were the other woman, but you were the pawn. You were the piece on the chessboard that players sacrifice for the sake of the move. You meant nothing to no one, forgettable and easily replaced.

"I have to get out here", you mumbled to yourself as you stood, pushing the chair behind you with such force it slammed into the wall. Jack was quick to his feet, chasing after you as you walked to the bedroom to gather your stuff. "I can't let you leave." He grabbed at your arm, but you pulled away from him, stumbling back. "Do not touch me!", you edged out between clenched teeth.

You wanted to swing at him, beat on his chest till you had no fight left in you, make him feel just a bit of the hurt that you were feeling, but as you took in his face, you realized he was already there. The red and sunken eyes, the tears stains on his cheeks, the way his body basically collapsed into itself as if he was going to fall at any minute. He was already hurting, just as much as you were, and it was wearing him down to the bone. "I can't let you leave, yet, okay? For your own safety, I need you to stay here."

"I can't stay here. I'm done. I want out of whatever twisted mess this is." You grabbed your clothes, only carrying as much as you could hold in your arms. "I'm done, Jack."

He really wanted to let you go, but he couldn't. Partly for his own selfish reasons, and partly because he knew once Claire found out that the two of you were together again, it was only a matter of when she would release the tape to the public. He was going to fix this. He was going to figure out a way to do right by you, but first, he had to hurt you again. "I need to show you something."

You stopped moving for a second, your body tensing up as you contemplated hearing him out, but you eventually continuing walking to the door. "I don't want to see whatever you have to show me. Whatever it is, I don't care." You were inches away from freedom, your hand on the doorknob.

"Its a sex tape." Jack winced, closing his eyes. He could hear you turn on your heels. Without looking at you, he continued. "She's been recording us to use as blackmail to keep me in line." That familiar bile crept up the back of your throat again. You thought it couldn't get worse, but you underestimated the monster that was Claire. "Have you seen it?" Jack opened his eyes just in time to see your body language shift, your face stoic. "Yes, I can show it to you. Its on my laptop. She gave me a copy just so I had a reminder of what was hanging in the balance."

You held up a hand in disgust. "I don't want to see it." What were you going to do? If that tape leaked, you would for sure lose everything; job prospects, your friends, the media would make a martyr out of you for entertainment, and you'd never be able to show your face in public again.

"I'm gonna be sick." You made it to the sink in time just in time to empty the contents of your stomach, tasting the mix of alcohol on your tongue as it came back up.

"Why did you do this to me? Why did you do this to me?", you repeated over and over again, your head still in the sink. Jack placed a hand on your lower back, sending a shiver down your spine. You weren't sure if you wanted him to hold you or if you were disgusted by his touch, but his hand never left your back, trying to comfort you. "I'm gonna fix this. I promise I'm gonna fix this, baby."

When you were sure everything that passed, you allowed Jack to help you back to the bedroom, settling into bed with a groan. You were exhausted, every bone in your body ached. He covered you with a blanket as you retreated into yourself, tucking your knees to your chest. You closed your eyes, allowing silent tears to run down your face.

All this time, you thought Jack was the water in this sick and twisted metaphor, and if you just fought hard enough to keep your head above the surface, kept treading water while he worked to consume you, you'd prove your worth. That you weren't just an insignificant way to pass the time, that you should, and do mean more to him. You were stupid enough to think that if you waited around long enough, eventually he'd see that you were what he wanted, and that he'd leave Claire and come running to you. You fell into that mistress trap, and oh, it was so much worse than you ever thought possible. This was some sick game to Jack and Claire, and you were right in the middle of it. Every bit of control that you thought you had over your life was gone, or even worse, was never there to begin with. With that sex tape, Claire had something to hold over the both of you.

Jack's eyes shot open into the darkness. He felt around him to remember where he was. At some point, he must have fallen asleep on the couch, he was so tired. For a brief moment, he felt at peace before the events of today settled back in his mind. The look on your face, the tears, the way you looked so fragile as he helped you into bed. Fuck, you were still in the bed.

He quickly got up and ran to the bedroom. Before he even stepped foot in the room he could tell that something was wrong. He pushed through the threshold to find that the bed was empty, all of the dresser drawers open and bare. He spotted the note you left on the pillow, your handwriting messily scribbled across the paper.

I can't do this. I can't be here and pretend like you didn't hurt me the way that you did. Tell Claire to release the tape. I think we all deserve the karma that's coming to us for our part in this, including me.

Don't come looking for me, I'm leaving the city.

Y/N

Jack crumbled up the paper in his hands, tossing it across the room in a fit of rage. "Fuck!" He tore through the room in anger, knocking over furniture, like a tornado touching down, leaving destruction in its wake. He didn't leave an inch of the room untouched with his tirade, hurling a vase against the wall, sending pieces of glass across the floor. His chest heaved with each breath as he stopped and looked at the damage. 'Fuck! What have I done?!", he pounded against his head with his hands, choking back sobs as he tried to breathe. Feeling dizzy, he sat down on the bed, his head hanging in his hands.

He wasn't sure if minutes or hours had passed before he finally looked up at the mess he made. You were right about one thing. Karma was coming for everyone involved, but not you. He'd do anything to protect you, because that was the least you deserved.

He shot off a text to Claire and received a reply in seconds like she'd been waiting by her phone.

Jack: We need to meet, now

Claire: my office 15 min

Claire let an arrogant chuckle out as Jack came through the door.

"There you are. You're lucky I was in a good mood after our engagement party or I-" In a matter of seconds, Jack had her pinned against the desk, his large frame towering over her. His face was contorted with a mixture of hatred and disgusted as he eyed her up and down. "We're done", he spat out.

"Done with what?", she smirked, "This? Because last time I checked, honey, we were just getting started." She was always very good at hiding her emotions, but Jack could smell the fear on her, her pupils dilated as she cowered under his presence. He backed away, trying not to let his anger get the best of him in the moment. He needed to stick to the plan.

"This is over. We're calling off the engagement and we'll tell the media that we lost the baby. I'm sure you could spin it. That the loss of the baby drove us apart or something." He sucked in his teeth, knowing she was probably already thinking of a hundred different headlines.

"No, we're not doing any of that, Jack. The only thing you're going to do is continue to play your part, or your did you forget about the tape that I have? I know you care about her, and that tape will destroy her and her reputation." She crossed her arms over her chest, concealing her shaking hands. "You wouldn't do that."

"She left", Jack whispered out, looking up at Claire. "What? What happened?" She pushed off the desk, and Jack could tell that she was panicking. Her plan only worked if you stuck around to see everything unravel. You were Jack's weakness, and with you gone, he had nothing to lose.

"She left this morning. Said she wanted you to release the tape, that karma was coming for all of us."

"Well, go find her." Jack shook his head. "No, she's been through enough. This is between you and me, and I plan on ending it."

"How?" she let out a huff through her nostrils. "I release that tape and your career is over. You got into this to try to save your career, you would never do anything to jeopardize it. You're not that stupid."

Jack flexed his jaw in frustration. "See, that's what I thought too." He paced toward her, forcing her to step back. "I thought that there wasn't anything that I wouldn't do to save my career, but I was wrong. I'd give it up for her, all of it. I would throw myself into the fire for her."

He could see the flash of anger on Claire's face as he spoke. "There it is." He stabbed a finger into her face. "It bothers you. No, it kills you that I love her and not you. I always thought you had the upper hand here, but all of this was contingent on the fact that I wanted you back, right? That eventually I'd come around. That I'd chose you."

"No-no, that's not what this is about at all", she stumbled over her words trying to get them out. It all was starting to make sense. She fell for Jack, wanted him for herself, wished that at some point this twisted grab for fame would turn into a real love story.

"You're all talk, Claire. You won't release that sex tape, because sure, I'd lose my career, and Y/N would lose a lot, but you'd lose me. The only thing you really wanted in all of this." Jack felt the power struggle tip in his favor for the first time. He took one step closer, listening to the breath hitch in her chest. "What was it that you said? The Beckham's don't like to be told no?"

"Jack, think about what you're doing here. We all have so much to lose." Claire could feel her face heating up with anger and embarrassment.

"That's the thing, "honey".", he let out a laugh that made Claire's skin crawl. "For the first time in all of this, I'm thinking about what I'm doing. I've made a lot of fucking mistakes over the last year, but I can fix this for Y/N. She deserves that."

"Jack, please-". Claire covered her mouth, stopping herself from saying anything else. The pleading surprised him, but he thoroughly enjoyed it, a grin creeping on his face. He turned to the door, able to hold his head high for the first time in a while.

"You have 48 hours to get everything together. Call your PR team, your daddy, anyone who can help you save face, because I'm telling everyone about all of the lying we've been doing. I might go down for this, but I am taking every fucking member of the Beckham family down with me."

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#jack harlow #jackharlow #jackman thomas harlow #jackman harlow #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow fanfic

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fillinforlater · 1 year

Text

On her bottom (Part 2/2)

Male Reader x Nakamura Kazuha (ft. Miyeon)

Length: 3972 words

Tags: Daddy kink (well, ofc), replacement, sex as service, passionate kissing, loving make out, pussy eating, sweat, praising, subby!idol, self-degradation, burst of rage, hickeys, fondling, ass worship, talk about breeding, slow sex, missionary, anal, anal pronebone, begging for cum, cum on skin, angel!Kazuha

TW: Miyeon is not getting off lightly lol (or is she?), self-degradation

Inspiration: @sooyadelicacies, enough said.

Credit: @sooyadelicacies for co-writing

(A/N: HERE IS PART ONE, hope you enjoy this one as well!)

"Y-yes, Daddy."

You nod unceremoniously and swipe on your phone. A tiny smile pops up on your face for just a moment reading one of the many names. You quickly type out a message and send a pic of Miyeon along with it. It might take a bit until this new person arrives, but you know she will be worth the wait.

"Do you have any food in this place?” you sigh disappointed at Miyeon, “Make yourself useful at least and bring me something. Maybe that can pleasure me unlike you."

A swat at Miyeon's thigh signals to her that she is allowed to move. She is eager to get up, but her still sensitive, twitching pussy reminds her of what you did to her moments ago. Like a wounded soldier, you see her limp away, shame all over her face. She doesn't dare to look at you and only starts wailing when she is out of the room.

In the meantime, you switch from one app to the next and respond to work emails and other messages. Mostly boring proposals, requests, questions, stuff you will have to deal with later. Only a couple catch your eyes. Maybe they are spam, but if they are for real, you might have new idols that will suddenly be a lot more popular in this nation, probably even worldwide. While they smile in commercials at every highway, they are on their knees in your flat sucking your cock like a good girl.

Miyeon stretches out a silver tray with a variety of grapes and delicate pieces of chocolate. Her arms might not shake, but her orbs sure do. She quickly stares down to avoid you, to not show her weakness to take this loss. You're sure she would bawl her eyes right now if she knew who would surely knock on the door soon.

You calmly, without even looking up from your phone, ask Miyeon a question:

"Miyeon, should Daddy feel guilty if you're crying? Are you upset with me?"

"N-no, please, Daddy. I will be better, I promise."

Shallow knocks knock you out of your thoughts and the slander you wanted to throw at Miyeon becomes distant. Instead of spite, excitement fuels your veins.

"Come on in!"

It only took a few moments for an angel to step in front of your very eyes. Dressed in what you assume is her latest stage outfit, jeans and a white top that showed her perfectly sculpted body.

"Zuha, you arrived quickly. Come my angel!" you say as if casting a spell

"Daddy," she cutely says and basically leaps towards you. Miyeon can only dodge in shock and the dread that looms above her head like thunderous clouds becomes almost visible. She might feel a heavy downpour soon, as she eyes the japanese girl sinking into your embrace.

"You are such an Angel, coming straight from your music show to this place," you praise the young woman and pat her head. A rare smile forms on your face; not that you don’t smile, but this one is different. Miyeon surely has never seen it. A smile of… love?

"My angel, I'm sorry I missed your music show" you tell the giggling girl and sink with her onto the mattress. There is no slamming, no quickly getting to a fucking, just gentle loving. The ultimate shock for Miyeon however is the fact that you, Daddy, just apologized. It makes her jaw drop.

"I'm just so happy you called me, Daddy!"

Kazuha's cheeks turn rosy, her smile is wide and bright. It makes you melt into another passionate exchange of saliva with her. Her exposed abs press into you tightly, then shifting slowly over your cock. She smells of sweat, hard-work and pure love. Your fingers entangle themselves with her brown locks and your eyes open just to look at Miyeon's shocked expression.

"You're still sweaty, baby girl,” you whisper to Kazuha, “you really did just arrive after your stage didn't you? You're usually so clean and pure like a seraphim fitting of your group, but you're dirty today for Daddy, aren't you?"

"I couldn't let you wait, Daddy," she says with an adorable smirk. Her expression however shifts when she wraps her arms around your nape, comes very close to your face and also whispers:

"I can be the purest angel you have ever seen. I can also be—"

Instead of finishing her sentence, she steps back and tears down her pale blue jeans sticking to her sweaty legs. The front of her panties are soaked in her juice; its strong, mind-altering odor, one of the greatest smells to ever hit your nose, starts to fill the room and you can't hold yourself back anymore.

You leap and pull away at her panties, diving straight into her pussy with a powerful, needy lick. You inhale. There was no chance you would leave her folds anytime soon. You needed her aroma, her essence, to taste the very heavens.

An outsider might have assumed that your craving to be pleased was suddenly gone, but they would be mistaken. Basking in the gorgeous labia of one of your greatest creations—Kazuha, the perfect angel—is a greater pleasure than anything Miyeon could have offered today. Hearing Kazuha squeak and whine in her adorable voice it's like frosting on a glorious cake. Your angel adds cherries on top when she slowly removes her top with shaky hands to reveal her cute chest jiggling.

"Daddy should spend more time with you, Zuha, I want you to be by my side for a while. Stay with Daddy and serve me in the Master room.”

You owned numerous houses and had an abundance of bedrooms in each home, but the designated Master room was exclusive, special. Only those of your absolute favorites ever saw the inside of that room. There were rumors that the Master room was where more intimate words were exchanged rather than just beastly lust. Whispers even that the Master room was a sign of being a chosen life partner and even mother to Daddy's future children.

"Oh, Daddy, I'd love to spend all the time in the world in your Master room," Kazuha says with her cute giggle and rosy blush on angelic cheeks, "but I'm sure there is a different reason why I'm here. Would you please tell me why or… what you want me to do~?

"H-how?" Miyeon stutters in disbelief as she watches the scene unfold before her.. Although she should fear your reaction to her disobedience, she can't help but be drawn to this fascinating play. It pulls her in like a magnet, like you and Kazuha create the strongest form of gravity with your love making.

You then turn to Miyeon and Kazuha notices her for the first time. It was well understood that your girls don't interact until you give them the okay. You shake your head at the sight of the blonde in disbelief, whose mouth is agape like her brain has stopped functioning.

"You're here because someone has left Daddy disappointed."

"Oh. Daddy, it's okay,” Kazuha soothes you, as if she’d just heard of the most heartbreaking tragedy in the world, “I'll make you feel all better. Anything you wish, any dream of yours, I'm at your service. You can even bree—"

"What?” Miyeon loses it, “How dare you ask Daddy to breed you!"

A cold dark silence then falls into the room that even endangers the light of Kazuha. You give Miyeon a deadly stare. Daggers of ice pierce her weary, distraught eyes. She had interrupted your angel. She had interrupted what she could rightfully ask for. You had told Kazuha awhile back that she was worthy of breeding. She was trying to comfort you in that moment and Miyeon just ruined it too. She had proven herself worthless and dared to speak out of turn. An unforgivable insult.

"That's enough."

Miyeon freezes on the spot. She probably thought she heard you in every imaginable tone before. You had sounded compassionless, angry, hateful, but it had never sounded as menacingly, downright evil as this. Your hands turn to fists that squeeze so tightly, your knuckles might pop out any second. Your knees buckle, but you are not unstable—the ground is. Your anger could cause an earthquake and Miyeon starts to stumble.

"No, Daddy! Please, look at me."

You turn and see Kazuha cool, strong and with a look of concerned sadness on her face. Kazuha holds your hands and gives you a soft empathetic look. Her eyes flutter gently and she presses the palm of her hand on your chest as if to press a button.

"It's okay Daddy. I'm here. Just focus on me. I'm here to make you happy. To make all your disappointment go away. If you want to take your anger out on something, use my body."

No. You couldn't bring yourself to do that. Not punitive and full of rage, not to her. Rough fucking, yes. But punishment, pure white hot anger? Never to Kazuha. She has gone beyond that in your mind after you met her for the first time.

You take a deep breath as Kazuha strokes your hair gently and just continues to look at you softly as if slowly absorbing the emotion and making it disappear. Kazuha leaves a quick, soft kiss on your lips, the kind of kiss that heals all wounds but makes you want more, more, more—everything.

"Zuha…"

It's remarkable how she takes your breath away, how she makes you lose control. The two of you sink into the soft cushions of the old bed. The middle of this room, intentionally old looking, formerly filled with the bad thoughts and disappointment for Miyeon evaporates. You only feel Kazuha's lips on yours, her tongue at yours, her hands entwined in yours.

Kazuha creates one of your favorite melodies, a song that makes you feel like you're in heaven, when you fold one of her legs gently with one hand, while the digits of your second play with her sex. She moans into your mouth. Her eyes become watery. She melts like ice cream in the hot summer, while she herself is hot, outside and inside.

"Fuck, Zuha. I'll put it in now. I'll put it in in the Master room as well, fuck, I want to put it in every day."

"I can do it everyday, Daddy. Whatever you need from me. Always.” Kazuha uses her cute, soft fingers to slowly spread open her pussy, and needily, quietly moans, “Fuck me, Daddy. Make this angel feel your love. Corrupt me with your cock and turn me into your sinful slut, Daddy."

"My angel."

You groan as your crotch slams into hers. Her wet, incredibly tender folds make for an easy entry of your throbbing cock. The entire ordeal has cranked your senses up to eleven and so your mind begins to numb when your entire length is in Kazuha's tight cavern and getting a slick, tight massage by a stunning, slightly whimpering beauty.

"Did I do it too fast?"

"No, Daddy, you just feel so good. I… I want you more, I want to be your fuckdoll angel."

"I'm really exhausted though…"

Kazuha smiles shyly when you begin your first thrust at a snail's pace. She moans under her breath and then whispers:

"You can also use a fuckdoll slowly. As long as you use it, it has a purpose. You're my purpose, Daddy.”

This is different. Miyeon knows and you know that she knows. You don’t have to look at her to know her facial expression. Surely, she dreamed of something like this, but never would it have been realistic to her. It’s far away from using a toy, and much rather a—

Kazuha is the first girl Miyeon has ever seen with you that gets slow, loving sex with no hints at edging or teasing or punishment. In her maybe hundreds of times of having seen or heard you fuck another girl or herself, nothing close to this has occurred.

"I love you Daddy," Kazuha says, trying her best to get it straight out with love and honesty, while her insides get stimulated by your veiny girth.

"I love you too, Zuha."

Kazuha's body is more drug than fuckdoll to you. You can't keep your hands off of her smooth skin, be it her thighs, abs or collarbone. Especially the firmness of her perfectly shaped, perfectly sized, perfectly perfect ass leaves you wanting to touch it forever. Forever might be impossible, even to you, but for at least this session you fondle it over and over again. It makes the angel giggle.

"Daddy, you love my ass?"

"I do, Zuha. Fuck, you make me go crazy."

Two more thrusts, a little faster this time, but not to fast. Just to make her feel how huge you are inside her pink hole. She mewls beside you ear when you nibble on her neck and get ready to place a love mark. Strong suction, the shape of your lips in reddish-purple while your hands dig into Kazuha’s ass like it’s sand hiding a treasure.

"I love how you touch it, Daddy. I want you to praise it more, shower it in your delicious cum, Daddy."

"But I want to fill you up, Zuha, get you ready for breeding."

You look into her orbs, mere inches away. They are scintillating like the night sky with hundreds of shooting stars. Added with her magenta, falsely innocent cheeks on a snow pale face and an unfairly adorable pout, she can make you say or do almost anything.

"Breed me only in your Master room, Daddy. Please, cover my ass today. I love you!"

This back and forth was unprecedented for Miyeon. She had never seen someone so gently push at what you wanted. Such an act was criminal, but you don't mind at all with Kazuha. You wanted to breed her but she asked not to. This went against everything Miyeon was trained to believe. It wasn't all a lie, however. Rather what plays out in front of her is something she has yet to achieve: Kazuha had Daddy's love.

"It's sad that I can't see your face when I cum on your ass though," you say playfully, rubbing your thumbs over her nipples while staying motionless inside her, buried to the hilt, balls touching her butt, "someone should get us a mirror."

As if a ghost hits her face, Miyeon snaps out of her envy, her remorse. She quickly sneaks out of the room in search of one of those large mirrors they had stored somewhere during the shooting.

You sigh but smile at Kazuha as you just relish her touch. She made you forget about all the stupid girls, bratty bitches that never seemed to grasp how to satisfy your needs and go beyond that. Kazuha had it figured out in a couple of days. She makes you believe that she isn't just a natural, but that she is your natural, yours alone—and with every thrust in her clenching cavern, you let her know how much you adore her. Her wish might not be your command, but you will fulfill it nonetheless.

"Zuha, we have a mirror," you say, glancing at Miyeon who hides behind the large, framed object she carried in from outside the room, "Lay on your belly and watch me."

"Thank you so much, Daddy."

She gets in position, giggling in small when your huge cock leaves her pussy for a second. You get behind her but not before throwing Miyeon evidence you did have control of Zuha. You just chose not to use it. Until now.

"Zuha, beg for me. Where does my angel want Daddy's cock?”

Kazuha looks through the mirror straight into your eyes. Her beautiful lips furrow to a pout, while both her hands travel to her hips and then to her ass where she kneads and fondles her flesh. With a needy, whiny mating call, she begs:

"Please, Daddy, please use me to your liking. I love it when you praise me with your hot, hard cock and glaze me with your sticky cream. Please, my Daddy!"

You had seen a few stage performances of her group. Chaewon, Sakura, Yunjin, they all sure loved to shake their asses. This time around, you will shake Kazuha’s too; just in your way, of course. You slowly put the tip near her puckered entrance, moving it in a circular motion, pressing lightly against the skin, flesh and ring. Your precum and her slick juices cover her more and more in glassy liquid.

"Pierce my ass, Daddy! Fill me up and use me as you please. I'll shake it more than in any music video or live stage if you just—oh God!"

Enough teasing. With Kazuha pulling her cheeks apart and relaxing her anal cavity, you easily push inch after inch after inch of yourself into her. Her rear end was always tight and delicate, but if you want to cover her soon, you'd need to go harder than you usually do.

There was another difference between other girls and your angel. You let Kazuha know what was about to happen. Most of the time you would fuck as hard as you wanted without warning. Most of them were just toys to be used after all but not her.

"Baby, if you want Daddy's cum, I'm going to have to get a bit rougher with you than usual, okay? You can turn your head to kiss Daddy anytime you want. I love you.”

You adjust slightly so her feet would be under your balls nestling them into place. She scrunched her toes a little so you'd feel her polish scratch against your sack. After many rounds with Monday today (and the rest of the week) you need all the stimulation to get a load out worthy of covering Kazuha’s huge bottom.

"You don't have to be so kind," she moans out in her most sexy voice yet, "this is my purpose after all."

You take a deep breath. From the corner of your eyes you might have seen Miyeon peeking from behind the mirror, but she is not worth any ounce of your energy. As air leaves your lunges you begin your race for pleasure. You pull out and slam down into Kazuha, just once to see her reaction. When you see her face filled with pleasure and moans only subdued to her biting the sheets, you go again, faster, harder.

Not since she first began her rigorous ballet training did she feel something so rough on her, but just like her performances, it would lead to something of pure glory. After all, what greater glory and purpose was there than getting fucked by Daddy—in her ass no less. All her long hours of idol training, the workouts, the hardship. She didn't stay in perfect shape for the company or for her fans, no, she kept herself in perfect condition for moments like this, for her Daddy.

You read it all from her eyes, the expression she shows when her teeth continue to dig into the white of the sheets, the mattress, until she can't handle her own silence anymore:

"Daddy, I love you!"

You slow down and lean towards her raised head to kiss her intensely. She tries her best to get used to the roughness. After all, she hasn't been here for long. Like a champ, she takes your pounding even through the distracting, difficult kiss. You cup her cheeks and guide her gaze towards the mirror.

"Look at Daddy, look at how happy you are making him. My angel is such a good girl for Daddy."

"I-I'm your butt slut, Daddy."

"You still want me to cum on your ass?"

"Y-yes, Daddy."

"Then I need you to stay this perfectly tight just a little longer."

"Yes, Daddy…hng!"

Kazuha as expected has near perfect control of her body. She tightens every muscle around your cock which drives you wild. You swear to yourself that you need to one day dedicate an entire weekend to mold her secret hole to the shape of your dick, while making her cute face look nothing but blissful.

"Baby, I'm going to go even harder. Fucking hell, I may just cum in your ass."

Now it's Kazuha's turn to feel what it's like to go to heaven. Her face is one of pure devotion and love for you, your power, your cock. Each of your piston-like pumps makes her melt and she looks so marvelously gorgeous. It would feel like betrayal cumming inside her and as you are not a slave to your urges, you make the last second effort to pull out.

Pull out of her tightness, her perfect hole after it's first hard fucking. You immediately burst all over her peach, adding tons of cream to the creamy skin of her bottom. Watching her realize that you did it, fulfilled her wish and made her cum is the greatest pleasure.

You might not be a slave to your urges, but you are one to the physical laws of this world. This last nut was just too much. Your body collapses in happiness and exhaustion. The last thing you hear is Kazuha panting and cooing her gratitude for your load. Then, your eyes become unbearably heavy.

Kazuha lays by your side until she feels her stomach growl. She gets up to go to the kitchen, where Miyeon is cleaning up. Both are hesitant to say something, awkwardness fills the air just like the faint smell of old wooden planks. Finally, the older one musters up the courage to speak.

"Thank you by the way for, for saving me from possible p-punishment."

The angel loses her sweet features for a moment and becomes stern.

"Save you? I did no such thing. I can't stand to see Daddy upset and unsatisfied. My priority, my whole purpose is to make him happy. You somehow managed to fail at all of those tonight and you even had the audacity to bring him to some creaky old home and demand his time."

"I-I am… uh, I'm sorry. I'll t-try to be better," Miyeon stutters, clearly caught off guard by the sudden coldness and looks down at her feet. She feels humiliated that someone so much younger with a lot less experience is at a point which she will probably never reach. All she can do is strive to be like her, to compete, to overtake—

Suddenly Kazuha grabs Miyeon's chin and looks her dead in the eye. With a voice filled with pity, she says:

"You better do, because I won't stop being the best for him."

Miyeon was shocked by how fierce Kazuha had become. When she let’s go of the blonde's face, it’s like Kazuha was able to imprint herself in Miyeon’s eyes forever.

"You know, he calls me his angel. It’s something you would never understand, never cherish. I’ll try everything to be this guardian angel. That means protecting him from bad things and disappointing people.”

Miyeon could swear she sees wings sprout from Kazuha. An archangel, sent by Daddy as if he was their god. She is an extension of his very will and being. Miyeon’s eyes almost pop out as she begins to realize how this game is truly played.

"I trained to be the best,” Kazuha continues, slowly stepping out of the room,” at the best schools abroad. In everything I did, I thought I reached the top but then I met Daddy. He showed me what it truly means to be the best. You should be ashamed of yourself. You weren't ready to satisfy him in the way he deserves.

He deserves the best. You are nothing.”

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