#and i would reallyyyyy like for someone to just. let me be weak. and not treat it like it’s a bad thing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

billyspotato · 4 years

Note

Heyy could you do a rafe Cameron imagine where he cheats on her in a party and then she finds out from the piggies and confronts him. They then break up for a couple of weeks until he can’t take it anymore and wants her back?? Can you make it reallyyyyy angstyyy?😭😭🥰💕

A/N: I really hope you like it!! I changed a few things to make it more angsty, hope that’s okay.

Cheat on you - Rafe Cameron

Words: 2.905 words

Type: Angst

Warnings: English is not my first language, therefore, sorry for any misspelling. Drug use. Sarah being a bitch. Mentions of rehab.

A/N: Gif’s not mine :)

It was around midnight when you finally found your friends in this random party and started to share various drinks with them. Now, it’s around 2 and you would be lying if you said that you’re even slightly sober.

“Hey, didn’t you come with Rafe?” Your friend asks with slurred words.

“Yeah, why?”

“Where is he?” She asks while looking around, as if she was looking for him before letting out a giggle.

“I don’t know. Maybe with his friends” You say, smiling at her contagious giggles.

You take another sip from your cliché red cup while looking at your friend, which is bobbing her head at the song that her sober-self hates. You’re so ready to make fun of her in the morning.

You look down at your phone, expecting Rafe’s usual text to know your whereabouts and you slightly frown at the lack of notifications.

Your friend continues to dance around you, waving her arms in the air and sometimes closing her eyes as if she was feeling the music, and the only thing you could do was laugh or just smile at her.

You look around you, through the stupid amount of people in this ‘small’ party and try to find your missing boyfriend. He couldn’t be far, right?

After some time of looking around, you feel somebody tap your shoulder. You turn around quickly, expecting it to be your drunken friend, but it actually is your ex-best-friend, Kiara.

“Can I help you?” You ask with a slightly annoyed tone.

You and Kie were the best of friends. You, Sarah and Kie were the best trio in the whole island. But that was until Sarah’s birthday and the whole calling the police situation. The trio became two duos, and you were right in the middle of them. But of course, that duos ended when Sarah and Kie, separately, discovered that you had started dating Rafe.

Sarah was disgusted at the fact that you were dating her brother, she even ended up saying that you were probably using her for all this time so you could get to Rafe. And Kie, she just shoved in your face all the times that he had been mean to her friends or anything of the sort.

So yes, after that, you were just alone. When coming over to Rafe’s house, you had to make sure to not come close to Sarah and, of course, refuse every invite from Rose to have dinner with their family. Sarah just hated you with everything in her. But Kie on the other hand was easier to stay away, especially after she started hanging out more with the pogues - far away from Figure 8.

By the end of all of this, it was just you and Rafe against everyone. You had to go to school alone and stay there with no friends or anyone to hang out with. After school, you had Rafe, which always seemed available to hang out with you. And that was it. 2 years ago, when it all fell down.

Sarah doesn’t hate you anymore, but she still doesn’t want to be associated with you in many ways. And you practically don’t ever see Kie.

“There’s something you might need to see,” She tells you.

With that, Kie grabs your wrist and pulls you away from your drunk friends and over to a more deserted area of the party, where you could actually see the back porch of the house.

“She has been all over Rafe since you two got here” She says while pointing at the tall guy broad-shouldered blonde, that you call your boyfriend.

A girl is standing right next to him, her hand on his arm sometimes giving it a squeeze to make him look at her. And Rafe… He’s high out of his mind. You can tell just by the way that he’s leaning back, and his eyes are almost closed.

“How do you know that she is flir-” You ask Kie, not taking your eyes out of the girl and Rafe.

“JJ heard her when he went in to go to the bathroom” She explains, her hand now moving over to your elbow, grabbing you lightly. “She was saying something along the lines of ‘getting out of here’ and moving somewhere else”

You’ve never seen the girl in your life; therefore, your brain wants to believe Kie and what she’s saying. But your heart doesn’t, for all the times you have felt bad and Kie was never there for you, all just because of your boyfriend. The person she’s trying to warn you about.

You just want to walk in there and pull Rafe away from her, but what does that prove? That you need to pull away your high boyfriend away from other girls, so he doesn’t do anything with them? You’re better than that.

You stay still next to Kie, watching it all happen, wanting to see what’s coming next.

The girl does not look like she’s ever going to give up on trying to grab Rafe’s attention, as she keeps leaning on him and making him look over at her. His mouth would move sometimes but you couldn’t really read his lips to find out what he’s saying, he’s too far and way too high for him to say anything with a more open mouth.

That’s when the girl risked it all, Rafe’s friends have looked away to talk to other people and she just did it. She just grabbed Rafe’s face and kissed him.

Your heart squeezed at the sight, but the sentence ‘he wasn’t the one to kiss her’ keeps replaying in your head making you start taking deep breaths. But that was until his hand moved away from the railing and over to her hip, right as his lips started to move with hers.

“Fuck,” Kie says with a tone of disbelief.

You felt like somebody just cut off your airways, air wasn’t going in or out. Your heart is pumping in your ears and you feel it in your fingertips. But your body just feels numb. It’s like if you passed out. Your legs were ready to give out and your hands were starting to shake, but that wasn’t just because you were sad, oh no. Your blood is almost boiling with anger.

As your hateful gaze stayed on your boyfriend, Kie was just in pure shock. She did not expect this to happen or even go this far.

That’s when Topper came along. He was talking to Sarah on the other side of the porch when this all happened. Once Sarah’s eyes drifted away from him to you and Kie, he followed her eyes to yours and with that, to Rafe.

Topper’s eyes widened in shock as he saw it, but he just took action into his own hands right away. He practically ran over to his best friend and pushed the girl out of his grip, making Rafe open his eyes and look over at Topper.

“Are you fucking stupid?” Topper screams at the top of his lungs.

That you heard, and you answered it right away in your head. Yes, he is fucking stupid.

The anger in you evaporated as Rafe looked over his shoulder to find you, guilt was written all over his face.

You pull your arm away from Kie’s grip and you just start walking away. You can hear over the loud music at least 3 people calling you, but you didn’t look back or even stop.

You just want to go home.

As your eyes filled with tears and a sob fought its way out of your chest, you heard someone running over to you.

“Y/N”

That voice. The same exact voice of the one person that decided to destroy everything you have ever shared for a random tourist. The same exact voice that belongs to the person that you have sworn to always love and never stopped loving. Not even now.

Rafe’s warm hand grabs your wrist and pulls you towards him. You, on the other hand, just keep trying to get off him and run away.

“No, please. Y/N, listen to me” He says, making your heart shatter once more.

“Let me go, Rafe, please,” You say in a weak tone, letting out a sob as he tries to pull you closer to him.

“I didn’t do it on purpose,” He says, and you sob louder while looking up at his eyes.

“Rafe, I saw you kiss her,” You say while letting all of your tears wet your face, letting all of them fall.

“I know, but I didn’t know who I was kissing,” He says while quickly moving his hands over to your face, cupping it and trying to wipe your tears away with his thumbs. “I thought it was you”

You aren’t resisting him anymore. You don’t see a reason to do it. He won’t let you walk away freely if you just don’t listen to his explanation. So, that’s what you’re doing, listening.

“How did you not know, Rafe?” You say in a whisper.

“I’m high out of my mind right now, Y/N. I promise that’s all it was” He says lowering his head down to yours.

“Rafe-” You try again, “I don’t believe you” and with that, you just sob into his warm hands.

“So, tell me how can I can prove it to you?” He says in a whisper as well, “I love you so much. You know I would never do that if I was completely myself”

“But Rafe…” You start, “You get high almost every night with your friends - when you’re not yourself -how do I know that this hasn’t happened before?”

“It hasn’t, I promise with everything in me. You can ask Topper, or Kelce or whoever. They wouldn’t lie to you” He says as your noses touch from how close you two are.

“I just want to go home”

Rafe wipes the tears off your cheeks as you sob silently while, now, looking at the ground. His breathing is quick, and his chest is heavy, he even fells lightheaded. And not from whatever drug he just took, but from this whole situation.

“Let me walk you home” He offers.

“No, Rafe,” You say, looking up at him. “I need space… And time”

Rafe stays silent for some seconds, his mind going a mile a second.

“Does that mean that we’re-”

“Breaking up? Yeah, Rafe, we are” You answer.

“But I love you,” He says, not really knowing what to say.

“I love you more, Rafe,” You tell him, “But what you di- I just can’t ignore it”

Rafe lets you go as you say that and as you slightly pull away. Your eyes water once you see his glistening with the light right next to you, at the side of the house.

You turn around and start walking out of the backyard and to your house, which is close enough for you to run there quickly.

Rafe stayed on the exact same spot for at least 4 minutes, silent, letting his thoughts get the better of him but also letting his tears freely fall, not caring who sees it. With that, he wiped them away and went back in the backyard, where everyone that ran behind you two (Topper, Kie, JJ, and Sarah) were looking at him.

“Good job, asshole,” Sarah tells him, but to her surprise, he ignores her completely.

He walks up the porch and grabs his stuff from the chair before turning back around and leaving, not giving a fuck about the cocaine that is now left on the table or the small bag of weed next to it.

“I’ll drive you home,” Topper tells him as he passes by him once more, making Sarah frown at him.

(…)

A few weeks have passed, you don’t really know how many. Your life has only been staying in bed and watching shows on Netflix, nothing more.

Rafe started to leave you messages and voicemails after week two, asking if you two could talk again. You never answered or picked up, but he knew that you were at least alive because of your mom, who answered every weekly call from your house phone.

The scenario of the other night has replayed so much in your mind that you’ve dreamed about it, which resulted in you always waking up sobbing or just silently crying. But that was until week 3, after that, you started eating and texting your friends as you would before it all happened.

Now, you couldn’t really cry anymore. Your mom even joked about you not having any more water in your system, which surprisingly made you laugh. And you’re still sure that you love Rafe. You haven’t changed you lock screen either, which has a picture of Rafe laughing at you behind the camera. Or even deleted any pictures from your phone, not even one.

You don’t hate Rafe. You feel like you can’t mentally or physically do it. He has done so much for you that you just can’t. Even after what he did.

You don’t know how he is now, even though your mom does. She knows that right after week 2, Rafe just signed himself in a rehabilitation system to get himself cleaned, which didn’t take long. People say that everything is done faster if you have some sort of motivation, and Rafe is the living proof of that. And that even shocked Sarah, who just thought her brother was just a lost cause.

Today, you’re home alone, cooking yourself lunch while listening to music. But that was until you heard your doorbell ring.

You expecting it would be your mom, which has forgotten her keys too many times for the last month and a half, walk over to the door before opening it.

Your breathing stops as your eyes land on Rafe, who looked surprised at the sight of you.

“Hi,” He says, careful with his words.

“Hey,” You tell him in a whisper.

“How are you?” He asks while shoving his hands in jacket’s pockets.

“Better. And you?”

“I’m good,” He says while nodding, taking a good look at you. “Sorry, I wasn’t really expecting on seeing you”

“Who did you expect?”

“Your mom,” He says, but then shakes his head, “That sounded wrong. I’ve been coming over to talk to your mom for the past week about you, that’s all”

“Past week?” You ask confused.

“Yeah, I’ve been calling for a few weeks now but since I got out of- Uhm- re- rehab” He says almost chocking with the word, not really proud in saying that, “Your mom and I have been talking in your house”

“You went to rehab?”

“Yeah. I got out of there quick, they said I went there still pretty early in my addiction. So, everything went by really quick” He says, half lying.

You stay silent after that. You don’t know what to say. You missed him terribly, but you still aren’t over what he did.

“Actually, that’s kind of a lie” He starts once feeling pressured over the silence, “I got cleaned for you” He admits, making you bite your lip while deep in thought.

Silence, once more.

“I still love you like before” Rafe admits, making you look up at him. “It’s okay if you don’t love me anymore, I’ll understand,” He says, while his expression says the exact opposite.

You know that he’ll be heartbroken if you tell him anything of the sort, but to be honest, so will you. You just can’t lie to him.

“Are you trying to do Rafe?”

“I want to talk to you about that night,” He says sincerely, “You know I could never cheat on you. I would never betray you like that”

“But you did, Rafe. You were high out of your mind, but you did cheat on me” You tell him.

“You’re right. And that’s why I got cleaned” He says, taking his hands out of his pockets, “And also because I love you”

“I love you too Rafe,” You say, making the weight lift out of both of your chests, “But I don’t think I can forgive you just yet”

“That’s fine,” He says right away, “Don’t feel pressured into doing anything or saying anything. I’ll wait for you” He says, and you bite the inside of your cheek, “Even if that means that I have to wait until we’re 80”

A smile grows into your face and you shake your head slightly. With that, you pull away from the door and wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. His arms wrapped around you quickly and you rest your head onto his shoulder, breathing in his cologne.

“Thank you” You whisper to him.

“You don’t need to thank me. I did what was right”

You pull away and Rafe lets you go as if he’s scared that you might think he’s holding you for too long.

“I have to go finish my lunch,” You tell him, and he nods.

“Will you call me when you know the answer?” Rafe asks before you could take another step back.

“Of course, I will,” You say with a really small smile while walking back inside your house, “Bye,” You say while closing the door slightly while listening to his small ‘bye’.

- - - - -

I actually really like how this turned out.

- - - - -

🌸✨Sorry, but I’m not writing in this account anymore. Go check out my new one @twinklelilstarkey✨🌸

#rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron imagines #rafe cameron imagine #rafe x reader #outer banks imagines #outer banks netflix #outer banks #drew starkey x reader #drew starkey

359 notes · View notes

dizexplainstheuniverse · 4 years

Text

The daddy, the issue and what’s so great about walking into the fire.

The daddy

When I was 10 years old, my father broke my heart.

As I watched him marry his third wife, I burst into tears as he declared his love for her in front of our entire family and friends. It was as if my heart fell from my chest into my stomach and Lucifer’s hand reached down my throat, wrenched it out and threw it down onto the floor in front of me – “You won’t be needing that”, he said.

“You may now kiss the bride”, I stared across the room at them, broken and confused, as my heart lay limply pulsating at my feet.

I remember my older sister laughing at me and asking me why I was crying. I couldn’t tell her it was because the man I loved so deeply, the man I so desperately craved the love and affection of, the man who abandoned me when I was 6 years old, the man who – as it turned out – didn’t hug me until I was 16 years old and to this day I can still count on one hand how many times I’ve felt his awkward embrace, the man who was so far from the definition of a father you’d assume we weren’t related had just married a stranger.

I told her I was crying with happiness.

The issue

The joys of being self-aware and invested in the business of self-development often means that I can spot the reg flags in a potential relationship pretty early on. I can smell the avoidants and dismissive from a mile off and yet their alluring scent draws me in closer to the fire. I gaze longingly into it, knowing if I get any closer I will definitely get burnt – I’ve got a million burns to prove it. It never gets any less painful, and yet, like a moth to a flame, I flutter on into the blaze.

Ouch, that hurt. I knew it, why did I do it AGAIN?

I know exactly why I do it. I do it because I’m idealistic, romantic and my inner child desperately craves validation and approval from a particular type of person because of the deep wounds my abusive father left with me with. (It’s unfortunately an all too familiar storyline for many of us.)

I’m always looking for a do-over. Always chasing the kind of love only a father has for his daughter. The “I’d die for you” kind of love. Even when I think I’ve found it, it’s never quite enough. So I keep on searching, I keep on pining after the men who don’t seem to give me enough attention. I keep on craving their approval, needing so furiously to be desired, to be everything they’ve ever needed and more. I need it to feel powerful, I need it to feel safe, I need it to feel loved.

Even if I do succeed in capturing their attention, it still feels like something is missing. I become restless, there must be something wrong… and so the craving sets in once again.

I’ve spent much of my adult life trying to heal through practicing self-love, doing the work, nurturing to my inner child work, facing my shadows and releasing my embodied trauma. This shit takes time and whilst we’re healing, inevitably we sometimes end up repeating some of the same mistakes, more than twice. We try not to judge and punish ourselves, we show ourselves compassion, we forgive ourselves and we continue to grieve the loss of the love we didn’t get from our parents. It’s exhausting.

There’s an interesting moment in time in the healing process when our unhealthy habits and coping strategies no longer work for us – they seem entirely pointless. But equally, our new coping strategies are really fucking tough because they’re these new, weird, inconvenient tools that we don’t really know how to use yet and we aren’t quite seeing the pay-off from the expensive investment that we’ve made in ourselves. We’re stuck in limbo. We’re in an incredibly transformational period; so close, and yet so far. We see clearly the patterns of behaviour which are no longer serving is. We see very clearly the habits that are preventing us from growth. But, we just can’t seem to shake them.

For me, this is particularly true when interacting the ‘popular’ types. You know the ones, the shiny, extroverted, sun-shines-out-of-their-arse types. Someone I’d perceive to be more attractive than me and more successful. These aspects are quite specific to the areas in my own life where I believe I’m a failure – likely because these were the areas that I felt if only I was better or special in some way and then maybe, just maybe, my father would finally acknowledge me and show me he loved me. This all very much drives my perfectionism and my insanely critical inner voice.

So, these types really stab me in the ‘daddy’ shaped hole in my heart.

Thankfully, after a little chat with my inner child I can usually spot the signs that I’ve been triggered. If they aren’t responding well to my yearning, the rational thing to do would be to turn the ship around and save myself the aggro of falling for yet another avoidant dismissive and having my heart wrenched out of stomach after feeling rejected or abandoned. These types make it very difficult for me to remember my worth, to keep myself grounded, to remind myself I am enough, I am safe and I am lovable. However…

I just can’t help myself. It’s honestly an addiction.

And what’s so great about walking into the fire

This was a question that up until very recently, I had never considered. I’d always assumed the reason I did it was because I didn’t respect myself enough – I think probably to begin with that was true. I’ve often wondered if it’s because I don’t love myself enough, or maybe I do this because feeling unsafe is all I’ve ever known. But that’s not true, I have had very healthy, very loving and very successful relationships and I really do care for myself now. I stopped judging myself, I forgave myself, I learnt to love and accept myself. I let go of the layers of shame and guilt that smothered my ability to fully express myself. I even learnt how to have boundaries. And yet, those flames still really, reallyyyyy titillate me...

But whyyyy?

I decided to sit down and I write out a list of things that draw me towards the fire:

First of all, I live in an absolute idealistic and romantic fantasy (most of us do!). Thanks to innumerable trashy rom-coms, I have ridiculous expectations of what love is supposed to look like and the things people will do to win the affection of their beloved. Maybe this time it’ll all work out? The shy wallflower will finally be acknowledged by the tough jock when he realises how wonderful she is and they’ll live happily ever after?

Never.

Secondly, it’s exciting. There’s risk involved in potentially (inevitably) getting burnt. It’s much like any other risky addictive habit; gabbling, drugs, sex with your best friends ex when he explicitly told you not to. Maybe the rush of it will be worth it this time? It definitely won’t be. The low, the regret, the guilt and the self-loathing is ALWAYS horrendous. On the other hand, maybe you already feel pretty shitty so, what have you got to lose? Might as well, ey?

Nope.

And finally, I honestly find everyday life seriously mundane. I constantly crave intensity and losing myself. Routine is boring, change is exciting. The fire offers me the perfect distraction from the monotony of the day-to-day snooze fest. I used to believe I was trying to escape something, trying to run away from my problems by filling my time with a chaotic love life just so I had something to talk about other than the files that Susan lost when the auditors came to… GAH! To begin with, this was true. But I’ve done a fuck tonne of work on myself since then, I no longer find solace in my old coping strategies because they simply do not work. I gave them up, I started actually taking care of myself and tending to my needs and wounds instead. So what was it?

I then realised something very important. Wanting excitement, thrill, ecstatic joy, bliss, celebration, partying, romance, love, sex, creativity, playfulness and adventure is in no way a bad thing. It is in no way a sign of weakness or an indication that I’m trying to escape something. It tells me I am human, that I’m alive, that I’m a social being. It tells me I want more than this average life we get sold by the system, that I won’t settle for this bullshit, that I deserve more, I am worthy and – I am the fire.

I already embody all of the things I so desperately crave. I am everything that I need. I have everything that I desire. I’m drawn to the fire because it’s calling me to be seen. My attachments and wounds have left me feeling dismissed, unacknowledged, invalidated and deleted… But I AM the fire. We all are. Whether or not another human experiences you in this way is irrelevant. We do not need anyone else to approve our existence and worth. Even if it is never seen or shared with anyone, the fact still remains true that you are indeed already burning effervescently.

No permission.

No recognition.

No validation.

No attention.

No acknowledgement.

And you will still remain the brightest light in the universe.

Instagram: @dizexplainstheuniverse | Facebook: /dizexplainstheuniverse

2 notes · View notes

sugaabooga · 7 years

Text

Badboy!Woojin

Pairing: Park Woojin x Reader Genre: badboy!Woojin (sorta) Summary/Extra: sry for not updating consistently!

Warnings: HARASSMENT, KIDNAPPING

before i start lemme just say how much i love park woojin like omg

he’s my bias yall

so basically, badboy and fboy!Woojin scenarios brings me to tears

Anyway let us get on with it

So badboy!woojin would be the one kid sitting in the back of the classroom with his black hoodie and earbuds/headphones in/on his ears ALL THE TIME

He’s really really quiet and no one really knows what kind of person he is

He doesn’t have any friends since no one approaches him

He’s very intimidating

I mean who wouldn’t be intimidated if he never talks to anyone, has a hood over his head, glares at everything, has cold eyes, never smiles, never frowns, never shows any type of emotion!?!!?

He’s just a very mysterious dude that no one ever talked to before

So obviously he would become the target when playing dare or dare

It was a normal day where you and your friends were hanging out at the park and it’s when Sohye and Yoojung suggest to play dare or dare that you realize….

Something’s up

The dares for your friends aren’t that bad

“Go down onto the playground and block all the kids from going down the slide.”

“Act out a battlefield scene by yourself over by the bench”

“I dare you to go to Sungwoon sunbae and do aegyo”

You would have done any of those rather than having a freakin dare where you have to

“Date Park Woojin for two weeks”

“WHaAhahAHhaAHt!!?!?!”

You weren’t a person who turns down a dare, but nope

I don’t think you’re ready to convince the most mysterious and the super quiet badboy of your school to DATE you

Sohye notices your discomfort and says it’s a bit too much, but Yoojung ain’t havin any of it

“It’s Park Woojin, Y/N. It can’t be that hard. Just approach him a few times and BOOM. Before you know it, you’ll be dating him”

You frown

It wasn’t really like Yoojung to keep pushing these types of things but maybe she was curious about Park Woojin like the 99% of the school’s population

Not only were you slightly intimidated by Woojin, but you also didn’t want to date someone just bc of a dare

But after almost an hour of arguing, you give in

You stress out about the stupid dare you’ve ever got for the whole entire day

The dare is the only thing that’s on your mind from the time you sleep, in your dreams, and even until the morning when you enter your classroom to see Park Woojin with his hoodie over his head that was resting on the desk

You take a deep breath and take timid steps to the empty seat next to him

You hear the sudden silence take over and the hushed whispers bc

Why was someone going over to Woojin and WAAHHHHAAT

SITTING NEXT TO HIM!?!!?

After you slip into the cold seat, you shoot sharp glares across the room to shut the judgmental high school students

That’s when woojin opens his eyes to see what’s going on

He knew that it was never this quiet in class even when the teacher was teaching a lesson

Woojin slightly lifts his head and sees what it’s all about

L/N, Y/N

That one girl that woojin always noticed giving him pitiful glances and small smiles whenever they made eye contact

Woojin didn’t like being pitied

But when you looked at him with a certain sadness in your eyes, it didn’t feel like pity to him

It felt more like a feeling of….understanding almost

But that’s all you ever did

You never tried to spark a convo w/him or ever tried to acknowledge his presence without telepathy

So seeing you sitting next to him with a deathly glare pointed at everyone, made Woojin shocked and confused

He was so sure it was some kind of dare or some type of blackmail if it meant that someone...YOU were sitting next to him

If it was voluntary…..

Man that takes some guts

Anyways, the whole class period goes by with Woojin trying to ignore your deafening presence, and you trying to ignore the stares and whispers directed at the two of you

Woojin was used to the stares and gossip about him so he really didn’t mind it anymore

But for you, it was a first

When class ends you sigh and offer a small smile at woojin who’s glancing at you from time to time

You’re ready to leave, but when you stand up, you hear woojin call your name and your like

NSDFISYGURWVHNCMSOOIFYHFDSCNJS

!?!?!!!?!?How the heck does he know your name?!!???!??!

He’s just hella observant

You try to calm yourself and your shock as you let out a hum, turning around to face him

You actually expect to be met with a small smile on his face and his eyes not cold and piercing like they were now

Yea...woojin don’t seem too happy

“What’s your game?”

He spits out and looks at you with an annoyed expression

You freak out bc ONE his frkn satoori and voice is like

Oh MA GAH

And the other part of you is like ‘what am i supposed to say?!!?!?’

“Uh...What do you me-”

“Don’t act dumb. If sitting next to me was some kind of dare or joke, just stop.”

He gives you one last death glare and leaves the classroom in almost a calm way, but radiating anger, that it scares you

Nonetheless, you feel super bad and so stupid for even thinking to do the dare

At lunch you tell your friends the dare is off but it ends up getting Yoojung calling you ‘weak’

You get annoyed and pissed off bc it was just a frkn dare

So yah you two aren’t on good terms anymore

After school you’re walking home and get lost in all your thoughts

Woojin, yoojung, midterms, grades, your ap classes…..life

You’re so in your thoughts that you look up after a while and notice

You had no idea where the heck you were

It had to be the next neighborhood over, but you had never seen this part of town before

And it was pretty sketchy seeing that there was no one on the streets that had houses lined up on each side

Not to add, but all the houses had their lights off and the curtains closed

A sudden breeze blows through and gives a weird chill up and down your spine and that’s when you hear a shuffle from behind you

You start walking faster, toward anywhere really bc you didn’t know this part of town

Your pace did no help bc the person or thing behind you just matched your pace when you sped up

You clench your fists and start to break out in a run when the thing/person puts a hand around your wrist, making you scream reallyyyyy high-pitched, enough to crack the windows

The person covers your mouth, having you freak out even more and when you open your eyes you see this middle-aged man with a dark hoodie and black mask over his face

But you can tell he’s grinning at your panicking sight

You struggle against his grip around you, but he’s too strong and no one’s coming out of their houses to see the commotion

You feel less and less air coming through your lungs since the guy’s literally choking you and you feel your legs giving away and your body shutting down

You died

So i guess end of story

Bye guys hope you enjoyed badboy!woojin

And im working on regret pt.2 so stay tuned!

thxx

Lol jk

Im not that mean

Your horrible coughing wakes you up

You see a blurry black figure and for a second you think it’s the pycotic kidnapper who almost killed you

But then you hear a familiar deep, husky voice that’s asking you if you were okay in satoori and a slightly panicked voice

It was Park Woojin

“W...Woojin?”

Your voice is raspy and you literally croak it out

But you can’t care less bc you’re actually alive

“OMG Y/N! I thought you were dead!”

“Ha.Ha. Oh darn.”

You laugh that turns into a nasty cough and woojin hands you water

HE’S SO CARING TO YOU

After you’re a bit better you ask woojin what had happened and why you were in the backroom of a bar

Woojin explains how he and his close hyungs were taking a walk around the neighborhood and saw a girl collasped on the ground and a man backing away from her

The girl was you obviously, but they couldn’t find out who the man was, however the police are tracking him down

Woojin’s hyungs own a bar in the middle of your neighborhood and that was the closest place they could go to w/your dead weight

You slightly blush and thank him but then apologize for what happened at school

you tell him that it was all a stupid dare to get you and him dating for two weeks, but since you feel bad and have a conscience, you decided to decline it and sorta ruin a friendship bc of it

Which you still did not understand bc it was a simple, dumb dare

Woojin breaks out into a smile and OMGWROUEWEJD

HE SURPRISES YOU AGAIN

S N A G G L E T O O T H

And his smile is so cute omg

You’ve never seen him smile before

Okk and a bit of a time skip

So you and woojin start getting closer after that whole weird event

You start off as friends but obviously you guys have mutual feelings for each other but that’ll be another story for another day

You and yoojung mend your friendship back together

You still don’t know why she was so sensitive about the whole thing

And you have a healthy friendship with Park Woojin

You sit w/him in the classes you have together (which earned some weird rumors and glances the first few days) and you guys eat lunch together

You guys share earbuds

lol

So cute

And yah

I’ll be making a friend/boyfriend!woojin au to explain all the rest

So basically that’s it for badboy!woojin

Tho it wasn’t really a badboy!woojin lol

Will try to make it better like nxt year

#wanna one #park woojin #bulletpoint scenario #wanna one scenarios #park woojin au #badboy!au #park woojin scenario #thx #enjoy #yay

139 notes · View notes

inspirationallyinsane · 6 years

Text

March 15 2018

Hello Tumblr. I am tired. I don't really know how I feel right now. Melancholic, I think. Sad would be too strong of a word, I am not necessarily sad. I just have this empty feeling all of the time. The feeling that I lowkey want to die but like, not all the way. Days go by and I don't even notice them. I want them to go away I want the days to be over. I'm not sure what to call that feeling. I have been waking up crying every morning. I don't cry during the day, nor do I feel the urge to, but I every morning I wake up in tears. I dream of him. Every night. It is restless. He isn't even awful in all of my dreams, in a lot of them we are happy. In a lot of them we are just being us, nothing unusual or particularly dreamlike in its plot. He's just there. I can see his face and his laugh and his smile and his red jacket and I am at peace. And I wake up crying because I think even in my subconscious I know. I know it isn't real and dream me wants it to be real so badly, she wants him more than anything and she knows. She knows he isn't really there. So. I'm trying really hard not to feel that way when I'm awake. I tell myself how awful he was to me and how he broke us without any care and how awful that is. When I am awake I am resentful and so I do not feel sad, only melancholic. But in my heart I can not resent him and so when I am not awake it is hard. In moments of honesty it is hard. I am fully aware that I am living every day inside of a huge lie to myself. I know that I would break if that lie were to go away and so for now I am not living genuinely. Which I don't love. I don't want to live inside a false reality that I have created just so I can be ok. I think Monday was the worst. On Monday I had not yet created my lie and so on Monday I woke up and cried until 8:30. I had to be at work at 8:45 and I really didn't want to be so weak as to call out sick for this shit and so I made the lie. I convinced myself of it and I was not late for work. I did not cry at work and I did not break. I was, by all appearances, my normal self. It actually wasn't until today that I even got around to telling Ben, who I share everything with, that my relationship was over. So. No one knew. No one really knows. And then there are the people that do know and they have been wonderful. The people who care about me. I had a lot of old friends (and new friends) reach out to me and offer me help/condolences/sympathy. It makes me kinda want to cry thinking about it. Happy tears, of course. It is astounding to me the variation of people in the world. How some people can be so awful all of the time for no reason, people who you have given everything to. They can treat you like shit on their shoe. And then there are the people who you have given nothing to, who you have done nothing for, and yet they still extend kindness. They extend kindness without an expectation of anything in return. I am amazed by these people. I would like to think that I am like these people. I deeply admire them. I appreciate everyone who reached out to me and helped me pull my feet from the ground. I am very lucky. I am not alone. I have a date on Saturday. I don't really want to do it but I will because if I do not then my lie will have an inconsistency and it will shatter. So. I'd like to think that I have grown since high school but here we are doing the same shit. I remember replacing Austin with AG and I knew, I knew that I would never feel the same way about AG but I did it anyway and it was awful. To him and to me. And here I am jumping into another relationship when I know I will be in love with someone else for the entirety of it. And y'all might say "it's just a date it doesn't have to turn into anything" but for the most part I am the one controlling that and I know myself well enough to know that if I do this I will be dating this dude within a few weeks. I've known him for almost a whole ass year I know exactly what I'm doing. We vibe well and I could totally have another AG-esque relationship. We literally haven't even started chilling yet and we're already talking for hours on discord playing league together until midnight. Unreal honestly. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I am supposed to do. I really want to wait for him. I really want to talk to him. I want to go to Target and talk to him. Just like I did when he pulled this shit the first time. But I think at some point I have to look at myself in the mirror and come to understand that I am worth more than this. I should not need to go to Target and confront him about things just to get him to talk to me. I am worth more than that. Am I worth more than that? I don't know how to place a value on people or actions. We have been studying morality and ethics in my philosophy class. There is a philosopher who stated that a person could decide whether an action was moral based on numerical values placed on its effects. So we can take Vince's actions and place values on them. Maybe this made him feel unbelievably happy. That gives 100 positive points to it, and it made me unbelievably sad, that gives 100 negative points to it. Since Vince's actions do not extend beyond the two of us, that is all the points to give to it (basically). Therefore, the points equally cancel each other out and his action was neither moral nor immoral. But from where I am standing, his action was clearly immoral or unethical. It was wrong and it was shitty. And then you can go assign numbers to an action I might do; go to Target. Let's say that plays out positively and I fix things. Vince would be happier (that is my genuine belief based on experience) and I would be happier. That's two hundo positive points and zero negatives. However, it clearly isn't the right thing for me to do as it would be a negative representation of my self worth. So? Who tf knows. Other philosophers say to do things that make you happy, as long as you don't act in an extreme. Seeing him again would make me happy. I do not believe asking him to talk would be an extreme. Stalking him would be and I am certainly not going to do that. So. Would going to ask him to talk be the wrong action? Some philosophers say that you need to do what's best for the most amount of people. I am not really sure what that would be in my situation. I'm not sure if you can apply utilitarianism to this. I can say though that I think my family would probably be happier to see me out of this situation, maybe Vince would be happier, and definitely this guy who wants to date me would be happier, so in that case waiting around for Vince would be immoral. I like philosophy a lot and I like the idea of living a reasonable life. Making every decision intellectually and thoughtfully. But I can not come to believe that every decision can be a rational one. There is no rationale to this. On his side or on mine. This is purely emotional. I also think that a lot of philosophers would argue that since it is purely emotional it is nothing more than a distraction from rational thought and it is worthless. Maybe that is how Vince sees it, as worthless. But I do not. I put so much value in our relationship. In him, in us. I valued it more than anything. I valued my love for him. I valued him as a person. I irrationally valued it with everything that I am. I still do. And I think that is another reason I feel it is important to talk to him. I respect my relationship too much to just leave it broken on the ground like this. I have never done that in any of my relationships and I don't want to start now. That is some shit. I built something beautiful with someone and to have it smashed down and trampled and not even give it the respect it deserves? That's awful. And another thing for me is that I reallyyyyy don't do short relationships. I fucking left a dude I was fully intending on marrying for Vince. Now, granted, that was certainly not a bad decision, I should have gotten out of that relationship anyway, but, the intention was that I would have a long and happy relationship with Vince. We loved each other. I love him. I don't understand. He told me that he loved me and he said that meant forever. Unless I did something shitty like cheat on him or change entirely as a human being. I have not done either of those things. I have not changed a bit since the first day we met and he is a smart little shit so he knew me from the first day we met. It is almost embarrassing for me. I posted a picture on insta and tagged it "unconditional" that was one month ago. How tf you going to go from loving someone unconditionally to being broken up in under a month. Shit's whack. Realistically, I still love him unconditionally. I did not lie when I said that. I will love him for the rest of my life. But like, I can't. Not publically or even on here. I have another few years, tops, before I have to stop. Before I have to start living again, out of pure necessity. That fucking sucks, I think. Four months. Unreal. I love him. Four months. It's stupid. We were so serious. Talking about shit like moving in together and marriage and children. Ridiculous. It is so outside of the realm of reality. It's shit. If we were just fucking around, if he just wanted to fuck around with me that's fine but you can't go and say all that in that case. You can't go and say that you are in love with someone and then two days after decide you're never going to talk to them again. People don't behave that way. That's borderline sociopathic. Maybe he never loved me. Maybe it was all a big lie. I'm not sure what he gained from it since we never fucked or anything which is usually why a guy would lie to you about that so. I don't really understand the logic behind the idea that it was all a lie either. And if he wanted like, stuff from me, like material items, he chose a really shit time to pull this. Y'all should've seen his birthday gift like god damn that boy would've loved it. I mean it wouldn't make sense for that to be the case either. Lord. I don't even know. I'm going to start spiraling if I keep writing and keep tryna figure this out. Work has been really good. I officially got my raise and I worked 35 hours last week so my paycheck is going to be looking hella nice next Friday. I'm going to be making over 800 dollars a paycheck on my regular hours. This paycheck should be around 850-900. It's going to be so nice. Making 1600 dollars a month. I feel good about life. Lowkey though our UB quit and I wanted to take her job but they're switching it all around to where taking that job literally would have been a demotion and less pay. Lmao our universal banker makes less than the drive through teller. Wtf. So I'm not really sure how to get promoted to a 40 hour a week position but I'm sure I'll get there eventually. Also! I'm super sad because they are switching Ben to only work Mondays and Fridays so the bank is going to be super boring Tues-Thurs. What am I going to do without my work pal :( but who knows, maybe the new prime time teller will be chill af as well :) Yaaa. So. I guess that's about all. I wrote a whole lot more than I originally intended to but that's how it be sometimes I guess. Goodnight, Tumblr~

1 note · View note

parabellum-rpg-archive · 5 years

Photo

Congratulations, Hannah! You’ve been accepted to play Piper Moreau. Please make your page and send it in within 24 hours.

Admin note: Hannah...are you sure...that you’re name isn’t actually Piper Moreau??? You get her in and out and I absolutely am in AWE at how well you were able to understand her character/understand her weird/fucked up justifications. I cannot WAIT to see you portray her!! - Admin J

CHARACTER DESIRED Piper Moreau

DESCRIBE THE CHARACTER IN YOUR OWN WORDS

I usually like to go on and on in these sections, but I have to be brief since I have officially 31 minutes (yikes!!!) to get this whole thing submitted.

At first, I was very torn between Piper and Penelope. I love playing bad bitches, and they both are, but they are both very different, which is something I get to a bit in my para sample. Penny is all ice, and Piper is all fire. I always play ice queens, though, so I wanted to venture a bit outside my comfort zone. What drew me to Piper were her deep-seeded problems. As soon as I read her bio, I could see the daddy issues, the identity crisis, the jealousy, the “I break everyone’s heart to forget my own is so broken it can never be repaired.” She is complex and complicated, and I L O V E characters like that.

I really love her relationship with Penny and I’m excited to (hopefully) explore her relationship with the whole Sinclair family. For her, the legacy is just something else for Penny to hold over her head, something else Piper wanted that Penny got. I think Piper feels like that is the story of her life, and she cannot move on because she is fixated on Penelope’s life. I think deep down (like, deep, deeeep down) she does want to be happy. But as long as she stays here, watching and obsessing over every move Penny makes, she can never be happy.

I also really like the dynamic with Jackson. (He has a ring for her and she doesn’t care lmao omg also kill me.) In some way (some sick way), I think she really wanted to recreate what Penny has with Morgan. The only way Piper can “defeat” her sister is by one-upping her. Unfortunately, a life with Jack was never going to yield that result. And she never really let her guard down for him, never let him penetrate her heart (is that even humanly possible? Does she even have a heart? Lol maybe not). I actually think Piper got some pleasure out of breaking his heart, mostly just because she could. She has only been second fiddle to Penny, so for someone to love her that desperately, it gives her some semblance of power, and she is literally desperate for that because she feels so entirely powerless. It’s why she “thrives” on the drama of the Jack situation, she likes to keep stringing him along just to keep breaking his heart because it gives her some kind of control. This little brat baby is sick in the head (and the heart) okay. Sorry Jack.

Finally, she reallyyyyy struggles to make friends. She is a very unpleasant person. She can pretend to be whatever she needs to be, but deep down, she does not have anyone she considers herself close to. Maybe eventually (please God) someone can break through her defenses, but she’s been building them up since childhood (if Penny was your sister and cut you down at every opportunity, you probably would too amirite). She keeps herself surrounded by people a lot, but nobody ever penetrates her.

WRITING SAMPLE

Any other woman would have looked unkempt. A mess of tangled red curls lay haphazardly on bare porcelain shoulders. Her eyeliner was too dark, smudged underneath and her lipstick was a dark crimson. But this was a look was one Piper had spent years perfecting, and it was what she built her reputation on. They called her a femme fatale – or, at least, that was her preferred public nickname. The tabloids, of course, called her any number of things on any given day: sometimes tragic trainwreck, other times social pariah, but most often they made some reference to her maneating ways. It was no secret that Piper’s favorite meal was the heart of a man, served up just how she liked her revenge – cold.

It was only 8 o’clock, but Piper was already nursing her seventh martini. Or was it eight? Truthfully, she had lost count. She may have been slumped against the bar, but the way that black dress clung to her curves hardly came off as desperate. (Or, at least, that’s what she told herself.) It was not uncommon to find her here, though tonight was a bit earlier than usual; she usually graced this bar with her presence on weekends, when the ultra-rich playboys came out to play, but it was only Thursday. Tonight, it seemed the crowd only drew obnoxious college kids trying to look sophisticated and sad housewives with their husbands’ credit cards. If anyone asked, she would have blamed it on the hellish week she’d has. After photo sessions in Milan, Paris, and Athens all within four days, any girl could use a night of drinking. But the truth? The truth was her sister had been in her penthouse the moment she walked in (of course the bitch had a key) and has unceremoniously announced the engagement of her daughter to some other mob royalty. Penny was chipper, but distant, and much like their mother, was clearly impatiently expecting some kind of specific response from her baby sister. Apparently, Piper hadn’t made enough effort in hiding her look of disgust at the news (not that she had tried particularly hard). Penelope flinched, but quickly recovered; God forbid the frigid bitch ever show any real emotion. The only one she was ever loose with was her rage, but Piper could match her fury…and then some. It was the only trait the two shared. Her sister’s eyes narrowed, and Piper braced herself for the hell to come.

Though they shared a kinship of rage, the two women expressed it differently. Piper was all fire: red hot, short tempered, and quick to curse anyone to hell the moment they lit her fuse. Penelope, though, was all ice: she was calculated, devious, and never showed her hand. The elder Moreau had always told her sister she was all bark and no bite, whereas Penelope may bite her tongue, but she ruined lives. It was one more thing on the very long list of reasons Piper resented her sister; the woman always delivered on her threats.

“Not even the illusion of excitement or happiness for your niece?” Her tone was flat, but Piper knew the worst was yet to come. No one knew how to dig the knife in quite like Penny. “I am disappointed, but I can’t say I’m surprised. It’s hard to be happy for someone when they have the one thing you’ve always wanted. And will never have.”

The words fell so effortlessly, and yet the pain scorched her insides like nothing she had ever experienced. Piper’s muscles tightened and her jaw clenched. There was nothing that ached like the pain of being unloved – and worse, living with that reality while forced to watch your sister, of all fucking people, get it from everyone. But the cherry on top of it all was the fact that Penelope never missed an opportunity to rub it in. Salt in the wound.

“Isn’t Paisley a bit young to be tying the knot? Don’t tell me. He knocked her up.” She was scrambling, frantically looking for any weapon in her arsenal to wound Penny, to keep herself from showing how deep her sister’s words truly stung. It did nothing, of course – Penny never dropped the cold smirk.

“Young love. Seems nothing can stop it. Not that I’d expect you would know anything about that.” Another jab. God, Piper could use a fucking drink. “We are having an engagement party this weekend. I spoke to your assistant and she said you had nothing booked. We expect to see you there.” She was grabbing her purse now, not seeming to notice how Piper’s face paled. She was sure she’d be emptying the contents of her stomach as soon as the bitch walked out the door. Penny was just about to open the door when she paused, briefly turning to face her sister again. “And Jack will be there. Don’t cause a scene. I know you thrive on the drama of it all, but this will be a dignified affair.” Penelope gave her a once over, scrunching her face. “You should buy a new dress for the occasion. More sophisticated, less…street corner. God knows you can afford it.” That final snippy comment was the only one that gave Piper any pleasure from their entire exchange. Despite the fact that Penny had more money than God, it still got under her skin that Piper was the one with the entirety of their family’s fortune. Penelope may have gotten all their love and attention as a child, but Piper was the one who ended up with the fruits of their labor.

“I’ll do my best. I’m sure my stylist can find something you’d approve of – I’ll just tell her frigid bitch is the look I’m going for.” Piper should have known better, but she never could help herself. Aimlessly looking to say something, anything, that could get under her sister’s skin. Instead, she was only met with that smirk turning into a smile.

Her hand was on the doorknob now, and Piper could almost taste the fresh air that would certainly fill the room once Penelope left. But Penny would be damned if she would let her little sister get the last word in. “You truly are pathetic, you know that? So desperate to have what I have, you practically glow with envy when I walk into the room. I always thought it was pitiful, how you seduced my husband’s brother as though you could reach any kind of semblance of what I have. You can’t. You never will. You are weak, and the only thing authentic about you is your identity crisis. You are desperate to be me, and that is why you hate me. But I want you to know this,” she paused, and Piper was sure she hadn’t taken a proper breath since the first word fell from Penny’s lips. “I go to sleep every single night on silk bedsheets next to a man who loves me more than sharks love blood, and I don’t even think of you.” The last part was almost spat, and Piper felt as though she was bleeding out – a fatal wound.

And that was how she ended up here. Once she gathered herself – a few hits of coke had helped – she made her way here. Her driver had been directed to “the closest damn bar open the latest.” A cocktail of alcohol and drugs were now coursing through her system, and she could only hope that it was enough to help her forget; help her forget that everything her sister said as she walked out the door was absolutely right.

Finally, a group of businessmen had entered the bar, apparently on a high after a good day in the market. She wouldn’t admit it – not to anyone, and least of all herself – but she was desperate to feel loved, and she needed a man’s hands on her, reminding her how beautiful and perfect she was. She needed anything to wipe her sister’s words from playing over and over again in her head.

It only took a few seductive looks, a finger swirling the rim of her drink, and her tongue tracing the bottom of her lip for one of the younger men in the group to notice her and approach.

The man had dark hair and the hint of a five o’clock shadow. He had money, or at least, made a serious effort to appear as though he did. She barely even noticed what he said as he sat down, but she didn’t have time for foreplay.

With one hand she grabbed his lapel, and with the other she grabbed his thigh, enough to make his breathing hitch. On his left hand, she briefly noticed a tan where a ring should be, but Piper didn’t give a single fuck about his status.

“What do you say we get out of here? Now.” She smiled with her teeth, satisfied that though all else may fail in her life, her siren call was not one of them. Another one bites the dust.

#accepted

0 notes

darenimoshiranai-blog · 7 years

Note

For the DC questions: 1, 4 & 5, 30, and 32!

How did you get into Detective Conan, and what was your first case?

I know about Detective Conan back when i was reallyyyyy young to the point i don’t even remember what was actual very first episode of DC that I watched lol. All I remember that DC is already part of ‘Sunday morning cartoon showtime’ something that happened in my region long time ago. Maybe because the theme, I never actually watched it seriously ( I was frickin shojo anime weaboo back then lol and my big bro probably wasn’t into DC that much so he switched to another channel). Anyway my first impression every time I saw DC briefly I thought this is an anime about super smart kid with his gang solving cases together, like I thought Tantei Boys is the main plot! After I grew up and starting to understand detective story a bit better, I starting to buy DC manga and ended up to understand the actual story. I think my very first DC manga is vol.2 so I guess my first remembered case is case on that volume? It was really long time ago and tbh everyone around me was really into DC at that time like you probably read/watched it even you are not an anime/manga fan.

4. Who is your favourite male character (+ a scene he appears in)?

HARD CHOICES. I need to say EVERY!!! SINGLE!!! MALE!!!!!!!!! IN DC!!!! IS CHARMING!!!! FASCINATING!!!!!??????!!!! ATTRACTIVE????!!! BADASS??!!!?

like i reallyyy like sinichi since he is my initial fave… sonoko’s boyfriend makoto, saguru hakuba, dr araide, shukichi OR EVEN SHINICHI’S FREAKING DAD ..tbh why am i being like this.

i think these days i’m really like Amuro and Akai and I really can’t pick between those two. Amuro is really charming these days but Akai always had badass scene in DC… Both make a great combination.

Anyway the answer above totally expected…so let’s say I’m answering this question with Chiba bcs he is???a cute??? potato???? (and his love story with naeko is one of storylines that i still look forward too :>

5. Who is your favourite female character (+ a scene she appears in)?

ALSO HARD CHOICES. i think the more I watch/read DC i see every character in different perspective for example: not all female character is weak / useless as most people think.

Vermouth still my most favorite. She’s one of reason why Shinichi/Conan still living up until now (if you also want to add: Ran who saved Vermouth too). Every time Vermouth in danger (example : when Gin doubted Vermouth’s loyalty because Vermouth keeps suggesting to not kill Kogoro Mori) I prayed for her to be safe. She is definitely loyal to BO/Ano Kata but it still amazes me that she also loyal to person that saved her life that could ended BO, which really make me questioning ‘is she really a bad person?’ ( look this is the same thing that Araide asked to Jodie……. i guess this is Gosho Aoyama’s foreshadowing)

I still like the time when Vermouth had conversation with Conan in a car after her showdown with Jodie/Akai.

30. What’s something you hope to see happen in the series?

serious thing:

Amuro to join ally with FBI/Conan but first he needs to discover Conan = Shinichi

Mary & Sera/Ai meet up. I think it’s expected and bound to happen but still i wonder why their meet up delayed for long time like sn’t that weird that even sera already appeared since 300 eps ago and meets with Tantei Boys multiple times but never actually had proper meeting with ai? srlsy bcs if they meet a plot is revealed.

Since we had Kanemori who seemed to be realllyyy suspicious around Kogoro, is it safe to hope that Kogoro will be also involved in next BO case?… but this time he’s finally fully aware about BO

Gin’s past / background because we know about the other BO codenamed background but we never know anything about Gin (also explanation about his relationship with Sherry………………………)

loveline:

ShinRan!!!!!CONFESSION ANSWER!!!! KISSING!!! inb4 shinichi returned to Conan body :”

can i bet yumi/shukichi will get married first among all police couple. also chiba finally remember about naeko

Kogoro finally made up with eri come on they separated but still love each other

AI MITSUHIKO!!!!!!!! BEING CANON!!!!! something that probably happen if Ai decided to just continue her life as first grader.

32. What are your speculations about the end of the series? (And how would you end it?)

By the mean end of the series do we expect the fall of BO / Ano Kata revelation??? I had no idea who’s ano kata is. But if Ano Kata is someone that dearly to Vermouth i think in the end she had to pick to save ‘Silver Bullet’ or Ano Kata. srsly vermouth is such a sweet heart and usually person like this going to..die………..but i hope !! shinichi will save her!!!!!!!!!! i don’t want ‘wasn’t able to save this person’ regret happened again.

I think Gin will still Conan & ally’s biggest enemy and finale will had them fighting. I expect the action part will be as grand as whatever happened in movies. I hope it will even better than Black Impact or Clash of Red and Black!!!

DC have to end with Conan returned to his actual body in my opinion. I think Ai having antidotes to works perfectly even only in a day already a sign that a possible definitive cure to apoptoxin. well that’s what i hope…………… my actual hope is i hope i still stick to this series up till it end .. it definitely will take years and im probably will be busy with things so that i can’t keep updated but i hope i still able to find time to read and enjoy the last chapter !!!!! ^.^

#WOW #long post #dc thoughts #answered #thank you for the questions!!!!!!#im sorry wow i got no jam no imaginations

3 notes · View notes

rigelmejo · 3 years

Text

Happy happy news!!

My chinese was understandable!

I still have no idea how many tones I butchered, or grammar things I totally said wrong, but my chinese just fucking being understood as I spoke sentences in real time is a fucking miracle!!

Sorry ahem ToT ok ok I’ll calm down a little!

Was talking to a language partner. Their English is great in my opinion. Speaking wise not any noticeable grammar errors that make it hard to follow, biggest issue just forgetting the word they wanna say - a problem ppl have in ones native language. So like really good! Their harder thing is listening, which I relate to as it’s my harder thing. Well eventually I got brave enough to talk in chinese and so that meant grammar on the fly and words on the fly. And I just tried not to even think about tones unless it’s a new word I’m being told, just to see if I’d say the right tones if I just spoke from my head on instinct. Cause I paused too fucking much to think long about grammar or which tones ToT

Anyway Wooh! My sentences were understood. They said my main issue was just not knowing the word to say in the moment, just like them. They said I seemed to have the issues they do - and I was understandable. They also confirmed to me that shadowing Might be a good plan for improving tones in sentences (you know like sentence tone sandhi changes etc). They said when they improved their standard mandarin to be like Peking accent for a speech competition, they picked an actor in a drama and tried to speak like them/repeat after them/imitate them. So it did work. And for English they did that too with characters from game of thrones and The Dark Knight, which is why they said they’ve still got a bit of British pronunciation - which worked tbh since I could hear what they must’ve used to do. And their English pronunciation I think is really good - so it definitely worked. So im hopeful if I do what they did and shadow more, it will help me too.

But dudes you truly have no idea how thrilled I am right now!! ToT this was basically a live test of me trying to do grammatically even remotely understandable shit in real time! Sentences in real time! Like usually I write which gives me time to think about grammar and look up unknown words. Or in rare cases usually id record myself saying something, so again I’d have time to think of the tones ahead of time and the grammar.

This was truly my first time just winging it trying not to think too much about speaking (I still tried to think of the words - cause my active vocabulary is reallyyyyy weak, but I didn’t try to think about tone or tone changes or grammar). So it was important to me to find out if me winging it could even be comprehensible. Cause obviously if I screw up tones too brutally I’d be incomprehensible, or if I screwed up grammar too brutally (since if my tones are wrong then decent grammar could help someone at least have a chance at guessing the word I meant), then another person just would not be able to follow wtf I’m talking about.

And I know, because about 5-8 months into learning I also tried speaking - my grammar was so bad my questions in chinese weren’t understood, my tones were so bad sometimes my words weren’t understood. (I’m talkin some basic ass screw ups though like back then I couldn’t do 1st tone correctly which I imagine made listening to me way more difficult). Now I’m almost 2 years into studying so just to speak basically without prep and be understood is a big milestone for me.

I learned 声调 means tone - I was trying to explain in chinese I mess up tones and said 声点 just fucking guessing what word might get my point across lol. And learned 粤语 (yue4yu3) means Cantonese. Anyway kudos to my (weak) active vocab cause it’s weak as all heck (like I couldn’t remember “tell” or use - 告诉用 - until I talked around the point for a minute lol). Cause even weak at least it came to me eventually/I could kind of talk around it.

I was very lucky though as for the convo they mostly talked in English back so I knew if I was understood or not, and could tell what they were saying. They only said a bit in Chinese and it was helping me find the right word or letting me know part of what I said wasn’t clear so I could re-say it. And those kinds of sentences I can easily understand. I imagine in an actual 2 way chinese Convo I would do a lot more asking “这个词在英文是什么？” (and 95% guessing rn that sentence is grammatically incorrect but u know - asking x is what in English? Because I’d recognize less words ;-; )

Anyway. Like I said, I’m sure my tones were a hot mess. I didn’t listen to myself; but I’m fairly sure if nothing else my tones were less Clear than theirs when they spoke (which is an issue even if they’re sometimes correct). I’m sure my grammar had at least some issues (if not a lot). But it was just very cool to be simply understood. Because in the past I have not been able to maintain my own communication in chinese - I was too incomprehensible to make any points. So to just be understandable as I said things and asked about topics was really cool to me.

#rant #may #may progress #I’m just???? thrilled because #I rarely know if I’m at least making some sense to other people #since I don’t study in a class I don’t get feedback on my grammar or tones #in a regular way. and I don’t practice output mucj so I know I’m not drilling correct form enough to be reliable #so a lot of IF I’m even understood is like. unknown to me.#it’s really cool to find out yes I can sometimes make my point.#also omg I had to speak french also for a hot sec guess who took 3 minutes to remember how are u in French lol mu French active vocab is so #dead rn. he also said I was doing pretty good esp since I’m self studying #since I said in chinese I’m learning on my own since there’s no classes in the colleges here #and I don’t know what class I would take

2 notes · View notes

gunsfrhands · 7 years

Text

here are things about me that nobody wanted to know, but i wanted to answer

1. What is your name? ELLEN 2. How old are you? 20 3. Are you sure? ??? /?? ? ? ? ?? 4. What is your earliest memory? something that is pink 5. What is your favorite alcoholic drink? i don’t drink, gurl!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6. What is your favorite vegetable? the humble potato 7. Do you remember your first day at school? ya 8. What is the worst exam result you remember ever getting? 50% for both year 12 maths methods exams lolol 9. How tall are you? 5'5 10. Can you swim? splish splash! yep! 11. Who is your favorite movie actress? i really don’t care 12. Who is your favorite movie actor? ibid. 13. Who is your favorite comedian? bo burnham ? idk

14. Who is your favorite politician? hmm i disagree a lot with this q. i agree with a lot of politicians and i think some are cool and interesting people, but having a “favourite politician” would be putting them on a pedestal?? and like when u do that it makes it harder to disagree with them when they have a BAD opinion on some issues. i don’t think that’s good. i think we need to always be critical of politicians no matter how groovy some seem.

15. Who is your favorite historical figure (been dead for at least 100 years)? Louis XVI ! :O :O Tsar Nicholas II (even tho he’s only been dead for 99 years), Charlotte Corday!, Woodrow Wilson (BTW by “favourite” i’ve interpreted that as mOST inTeresting, i don’t necessarily think these historical figures were good people loL especially wilson ahhhh i just think his contribution in beginning wwii was super interesting, especially how wilsonian principles like self-determination influenced different nations, i think he wasnt a super great dude tho lol) hmmm, some more probs but i cannot recall at this time.

16. Who is your favorite super-heroine?jessica jones ?? idk & idc 17. Who is your favorite super-hero? idc at all lol 18. Can you name a female scientist other than Madame Curie? yes lol omg ?????? jane goodall, marie pasteur, rosalind franklin ?? (even tho marie curie is my fav tho <3 ) i feel like if people don’t know about female scientists they NEED to do independent research bc they really don’t teach much at school !!!!!!! and the contributions of women throughout history are so important obvs. 19. Who is your favorite mythological god or goddess? ooooooo tricky tricky !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! athena is cool but idk if fave ??? i just like mythology itself and not specific gods in particular reallyyyyy

i deleted questions 20- 30 bc they were so weird lol

31. What is the worst movie you have ever seen? omg last night i watched spy kids 4 , and it’s so bad that it’s past the point of being so bad that it’s funny (such as the room and birdemic, u feel?) this was just bad bad. 32. What is the worst TV show you have ever seen? i do not watch tv shows that are bad lolol 33. What is the worst book you have ever read? idk New moon mayB 34. What is the worst song you have ever heard? idc 35. What is the worst sport you know of? what do u mean by worst tho lol idk i dont have interest in many sports so idc enough for this q 36. Who is the worst movie "star" ever? i really don’t care about celebrity culture 37. Who is the worst comedian ever? idk, u feel ? it’s like... i have never witnessed ever comedian EveR so idk who is the worst, i feel like i would need to do extensive research to answer this. 38. Who is the worst author ever? there are plenty of bAD authors. i feel like i wanna say zoella lol. but ultimately, see above Q. 39. Who is the worst musical act ever? IDC 40. Who is the worst sports "star" you have ever seen? i dont understand so GOodbYE 41. If you could go back in time to witness an historical event in person, what event would you want to see? signing of treaty of versailles ??!?!?! i would say russian rev but that could be dANGERous ://////// 42. If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go? my bed, goodnight! 43. If you could meet anyone in the world, who would you meet? idc bc i feel like i could say a few different bands but ultimately, they don’t know who i am and they don’t care. meeting them would make me feel like OMG for a few mins, and then that would be it. i would think it was fun, they would forget me after 1 day and again, this weird kind of idolisation... i don’t think it’s healthy. people are just people. sO if i could meet anyone in the world, i would want to meet someone who is nice and who would ultimately become a nice and close friend for me! 44. If you could become famous for one thing, what would that thing be? bEING IN A BAND PLz 45. If you could buy anything regardless of cost, what would you buy? like how with genies you use ur last wish for infinite wishes, so like i would buy infinite money and i would get trapped in some kind of capitalist money loop where i am spending infinite money to buy infinite money. i think that would be cool 46. If you could change any one thing about your country, what would it be? ONE thing ?????? i live in australia, i would remove politicians like pauline hanson, dutton, joyce, morrison, abbott, frydenberg lol they would all just disappear from the public eye forEvER. OR even better i would LET REFUGEES SETTLE HERE , if u dont know , australia is literally THE WORST pls read up and learn about how inhumanely refugees who try to come to australia are treated. it’s awful http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-06-14/manus-island-why-are-asylum-seekers-suing-the-commonwealth/8610482

47. If you could change any one thing about international politics, what would it be? really. REALLY. I feel like this is so obvious that im not even going to say anything. thanks ok 48. If you could meet any famous person who is dead, who would it be? idc 49. If you could become dictator of the world, would you? a benevolent dictator sURE but UMMMMMM as much as i think i am cool and right about everything, i would for sure become corrupt, so no thanks. 50. If you could eat an entire cow at one sitting, would you? no thanks! 51. Have you ever illegally downloaded music/TV shows/movies from the net? I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT LIMEWIRE IS I SWEAR 52. Have you ever used illegal narcotics? no 53. Have you ever gotten any points on your driving license? i’ve only done 8 houRS on my L plates lol so NO 54. Have you ever stolen anything from a shop? nop 55. Have you ever bought alcohol or cigarettes while underage? nop 56. Have you ever bought alcohol or cigarettes for another person who was underage? nop

57. Have you ever tried to cheat the taxman/social security/other government agency? i don’t have any money lol idek how to pay taxes hehe

58. Have you ever ridden on a train or bus without paying? perhaps 59. Have you ever been arrested? nooono 60. Have you ever been charged with a crime ... ? nononoo 61. What's the furthest you've ever been from home? euROPE but idk which country in europe that i visited would be geographically furthest from australia... UK probs?? 62. Where have you visited that you would like to go back to? EVERYwhere in europeeee 63. Where would you like to visit that you haven't yet? stonehenge! 64. Where is your favorite place in the world? my bed, goodnight! 65. Where have you visited that you hope never to go to again? greece, i went in summer summer and air was hard to breathe and hot idk museums were cool but not again soz greece xoxo 66. Where would you definitely never go to? idk a bunch of places lol 67. Where is your least favorite place in the world? how would i know! hMM! 68. What is your favorite way to travel ? my own two feet i really don’t like any other kinds of transport bc i am scared of trusting other people to transport me 69. What is your least favorite way to travel? boat maybe lollol 70. deleted bc idgi 71. What was the last movie you saw? spy kids 4 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!L O L 72. Was it any good? i answered this above ahhhehhhaehehaeo 73. What was the last book you read? a storm of swords 74. Was it any good? ya i guess 75. What was the last song you listened to? HUMDRUM BLUES BY THE GROWLERS 76. Was it any good? YESYESYSES! 77. What was the last computer game you played? Dolphin Olympics!!!!!! 78. Did you do well? Yes 79. What was the last meal you ate? gnocchi 80. Was it any good? nah

81. Do you believe in God/Goddess/Gods/Goddesses? nah 82. Do you agree with the war in Iraq? nah 83. Do you believe in aliens? liKE.... does it really matter what i think???? what ever i think doesn’t change the reality. but YA 84. Do you agree with the theory of evolution? OfC

85. Do you believe in reincarnation? ?? nA h ??? 86. Do you agree with the idea of the UN? United Nations (UN)? ya i guese ? ?? 87. Do you believe in karma? meh 88. Do you agree with the theories of man-induced global warming? IT AIN”T JUST THEORIES GURL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAs

89. Do you believe in democracy above all other systems of government? hmmm ya 90. Do you agree with Freddie Mercury when he sings "Fat-bottomed girls you make the rockin' world go round"? w hh at a 91. What is your favorite movie? SCHOOL OF ROCK. SCHOOL OF ROCK. SCHOOL OF ROCK. SCHOOL OF ROCK. 92. What is your favorite book? Animal Farm (ik im a cliche shh) 93. What is your favorite song? difficult question bc having favourite things is a bit weird imOP! buTTtttttt i will say rn it is proBS Tell it how it is, by the growlers, but that is just my fav like for this week, it will change soon lolol 94. What is your favorite city? where i live ? lol idk 95. What is your favorite sport? NETBALL 96. What is your favorite place in the world? IDK and IDC!!!!!!!!!! 97. Are you glad these questions are almost over? I LOVE ANSWERING QS but all of these ones were pretty weak so yes 98. What are you going to do next? sleep 99. Do you anticipate this activity being fun? yesyeysyeyses 100. Give us a quote to end on...”i’ll kidnap a thousand children before i let this company die” - Mr Waternoose.

#me #there are 100 qs btw

0 notes