#and i remember feeling hurt

[spiderversegf]

one important thing that Must be understood about interpersonal relationships is that you have to stop interacting with people who love you like they’re one slip-up away from leaving you. you have to trust that the ppl you love mean what they say. you have to believe that when they say “this hurt my feelings,” that they’re also saying, “can you please love me this other way next time?” and you have to wrap your head around the fact that even if you don’t understand Why someone loves you, you can accept that that they do. true, honest, & open love does not function like hp in a video game !!!!!!

#🍜 #wish i could remember this more. trying to rmr that when ppl are honest w ways they are hurt it’s bc they love me enough to be honest ab it #i am not perfect. but i can do my best to love people well and to apologize when i mess up #i do not have to punish myself! i can apologize and do better in the future #the love i feel increases when people tell me how to love them. the love i feel increases when people tell me how to love them. the love i- #sueñito tag

[found-the-secrets-in-your-eyes]

.

#the funny thing is the one time someone was hateful towards me on account of me being a fag i dont even remember the act #i just remember the feeling #i remember going up to my parents at the ripe age of 12 and saying my best friend is using the f slur #and them asking if he was using it against me #and me lying #i remember knowing i was lying when i said no #not against me #and i remember feeling hurt #and then talking to another kid as i hung around the back of the group instead of with my old friends #and him asking if i was doing 'she loves me she loves me not' #and me saying 'yes thats what im doing' #and him lighting up #and i knew he was gay #and i was so glad he was there #and i dont know if he knew he was gay yet #we were catholic school kids yk? #but i remember feeling heartbroken #and then that kid

[sentient-forest]

#cecilsweep and Welcome to Night Vale trending #1 in 2023

#welcome to night vale #wtnv #ive said it before but people not knowing wtnv makes me feel old #i remember the days before cecil had a canonical last name #so tumblr just gave him the jonathan sims treatment #aka called him cecil baldwin (the voice actor's name) #wtnv will always have a special place in my heart as my first fiction podcast #cecil palmer #cecilsweep #oh to be young and queer and stumble upon a funky little gay podcast about a horiffic and absurd little town #yes i am just reusing my tags from my last post #added a description #glad yall are enjoying my shitty meme #i made it while half-awake and unable to sleep because my tummy hurt :( #follow me for more shitty podcast memes #im currently going feral for malevolent #important note: girlies is gender neutral #tumblr sexyman poll

[squidpedia]

#uty #undertale yellow #undertale yellow clover #clover undertale yellow #uty clover #undertale #utdr #pedias art #I remember reading this and immediately feeling dread like #i braced myself at the beginning of the game knowing this would somehow end with clover being dead and then i read this and went #NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THEY ALREADY HAVE ONE FOOT IN THE GRAVE THEY ARE TIREDD #i actually drew this around a month ago. not so sure I’m happy with it anymore but I guess it doesn’t hurt to put it online

[sysig]

“It could be that the loss of her children drove the Queen deeper into her darker desires...but, I don’t believe she was fighting against them that hard before that particular tragedy. No monster does.” (Patreon)

Bonus:

Hmm, wonder what he could cover those holes with :3c

#Doodles #Handplates #UT #Fellplates #UkaGaster's answers about Toriel really interest me :3c #As evidenced by the quote caption lol - but his other ones are very interesting too! Since it sounds like she's still around! #Poor classic Handplates!Gaster believed Tori dead for such a long time while she was at the Ruins #Meanwhile Fellplates!Gaster is just like ''? I saw the Queen last week she threw me into the pricker bushes? -.ò'' lol #But anyhow lol ♪ The implications that they're still in each other's vicinity really makes me curious about their relationship! #And how Toriel might react to knowing that someone - someone other than her - is having So Much Success on one of her sore spots #Not just of having children but of the constant reminders of Gaster's success where she has to live every day with a heavy heart for her own #Being cruel to him over it - well that's just par for the course isn't it ♪ #He mentions that she's much more of an emotional sadist - insulting him and then making it Very clear that she does Not approve of the holes #''They're ugly and you should feel ashamed for drawing so much attention to something so unsightly'' #I do think that her knowing that he's so intent on being kind and merciful and then twisting the knife on how much he's hurting her- #Making him feel guilty for daring to even attempt the betterment of all - for giving pieces of himself away and try to be a good person #''If anyone will break my spirit it will be her'' :) #Although that's all assuming that Toriel even knows about the brothers! :0 When I thought about it later it'd make more sense if she doesn't #It was still too good to not do something with the idea hehe - but imagine her betrayal if/when she found out tho she'd kill him on the spot #Gosh I haven't drawn Tori in foreeeeever I can't even remember the last time #Doing a/nother study on her would probably be fun haha she's rather plain how I draw her currently #I wonder if her Fellplates version would also wear reading glasses hehe #And the bonus :3c Where are the plates featured in Fellplates? Surely it's not just called that as a reference right ♪ Hehehe

[lunarharp]

What led to this (orufrey comic, cw an uncomfortable/creepy scene)

#witch hat tag #orufrey #er.... i'm too tired to have anything to say..i worked several days on this. #wait.. didn't i say just recently here that i probably wouldn't ever depict 'what if alaira is qifrey's sort-of ex'. What's going on #i don't even remember deciding to draw this..it's all a blur..i'm not sure why i WOULD decide to draw delicate scenes in my head #that i wouldn't really want to share with anyone/discuss so why did i draw it... #some part of me really really wants to draw things that are more and more true to myself... #maybe because of my alienation with most romance/shipping/dynamics the rest of the world depicts. #orufrey really is perfectly suited to me - what i read in the text and what is in my head. well anyway #i am TIRED of drawing poses and angles and..maybe now i will actually take a break from drawing bc of the tediousness of Angles #btw it really is a 'stretch of time' . . . assuming witches graduate age 18-20 #well orufrey are canonically 30-ish. they've only had agott around for presumably about TWO years (?) bc she took the test age 10 #and it feels like oru moving in/unknown atelier acquisition/building (?) .. i guess that could be a year or so before agott at most #(she was the first disciple) so... ????????? What about the other 7 or so years ?!?!?!!?!?! Unemployed Brimhat Hatred era #that time is very nebulous. after qifrey went to the tower i feel like it's been implied he and oru drifted apart a little. #certainly they didn't live together at first... no way. that doesn't feel like how it is based on things oru has said about becoming Eye #idk. I'm tired now. i don't usually think of alaira as necessarily qifrey's ex and this being how things went in that 'sliver of time'. #i usually prefer the idea that they have their first kiss with each other in their 30s cause That's Just The Orufrey Lifestyle #just felt like making a more relatable alternative view of my own Cai Orufrey Canon one time. btw im a big monoshipper and it hurt a bit #let's leave it there. this is surely the most i've worked on a 'single' art - though now i realise just how much longer the fic took :')

[boytoyinc]

wanna come over and put a gun to my head? sorry, typo, i meant do you wanna come over and put a gun to my head? i mean a gun to my head? shit sorry idk what's wrong with my phone. i'm trying to ask if you wanna come over and put a gun to my head? i mean

#anyone remember that HTHR post about how gunplay causes the same feeling in the sub no matter what the gun looks like? #how the gun can be the cheapest most tacky plastic toy and you will still feel fucked up about it being pressed to your forehead? #because i remember. i remember #and in fact i think gunplay would be sexier to me if the gun was obviously fake. that could even be part of the scene #once my dom has coerced me into doing something by threatening me with the gun she can point out how the gun obviously wouldn't have hurt m #i must have just wanted to play along anyway. i must have wanted her to force herself on me. does this make any sense #thoughts inc #trans nsft #gun tw

[gotticalavera]

"You were a wonderful "You were

experience" … everything"

#A little angst for the shipp... #I feel like Zuko is still hurt by the loss of Aang... #The wind is a silent and painful reminder... but also beautiful #Zuko always tries to make his memories of Aang happy and tries not to get sad... #He knows Aang would like to be remembered happily... #avatar aang #fire lord zuko #aang x zuko #zuko x aang #zukaang #avatar the last airbender #aanglove #aang love #zukaang hc

[a-hobit]

It's horrible to be utterly convinced that Katsuki is in love with Izuku without really being able to say definitively that Izuku is in love with Katsuki...aghh there's so much to say about certain hints and very overt things for Mr. "Kacchan Bakugou" but I feel like I haven't seen...or more accurately heard how Izuku feels. I know he loves him but Is he in love with him? Can I say that without thinking I could be wrong? No I don't think I can...but damnit! The parallels to other straight and gay couples in media is so interesting like the Berserk ref in cover 37...or the pretty constant references to taro cards...Izuku the devil in between togachako's lovers ((WHAT DOES THAT MEAN SERIOUSLY)), the three of swords in the blackwhip explosion...the "WAH--CCHAN!!" ref to a romance trope as well as to Blue Flag...the "share a crepe with" line also potentially Blue Flag..."TROY" and the battle being referenced OUT THE WAZOO with Achilles and Patroclus playing out almost exactly as the Illid described ((Literally THE most famous couple of gaybos in all historical literature--they are well known for being speculative lovers! It's mentioned in English classes when you read it))...Katsuki's parents...Katsuki's parents...the way other manga like "name I can't remember..." where they would reference MHA outright with the girl falling down and then refusing to take the male lead's hand to get up. It feels like so much but also nothing at all because all of it (( no matter how overt)) is STILL being read into from subtext. idk I think I just needed to vent.

#I always flip between thinking “wooooww they are so canon and endgame it hurts!” and remembering that most of izukus feelings are assumed #through the subtext #bkdk #bakudeku #dekubaku #I feel like katsuki has been written as so clearly gay or at the very least not at all interested in women that it's much easier to say tha #katsuki is in love with izuku than say izuku is with katsuki

[o-wild-west-wind]

okay, here’s my actual thoughtful post: I get why people are upset about the finale…I really do. but I want to mention that there’s a bigger picture to this story that’s missing if you’re zooming too close onto Izzy as a character, and I’m honestly so grateful that the show stuck to the thematic arc it introduced in season 1 because, as per usual, it’s about the themes 🤌 and this show never skimps on the symbolism!!

so here’s the thing: the primary themes are toxic masculinity (& it’s opposite, queer joy); trauma; love as a healing force for the above; and, title alert—DEATH. because it’s so much more than a cool title!

now, Izzy has always represented something metaphorical about all of these points; most directly, he’s always represented masculinity, and s2 has been an arc of toxicity deconstruction. but crucially, he’s also represented all that for Ed, who is the deuteragonist of this show. because—don’t forget—Stede and Ed are the show.

I’ve always doubted myself for feeling this after seeing how fandom saw Izzy as a third romantic figure (which like by all means have a blast in your fanfics I don’t care it’s about joy at the end of the day and pursue that as you want to), but after hearing something about djenks referring to Izzy as a father figure, it confirms a major point for me—Izzy is also in a lot of ways a parallel to Ed’s dad, and a representation of the trauma and guilt Ed felt from that formative killing. for so long, Izzy was an aggressive shadow in Ed’s life, and a tangible reminder of those daddy issues—someone telling him what to do, keeping him Blackbeard—and the beautiful thing is how that changed this season, how Izzy became a version of masculinity that could love and be beautiful and make good from the hurt, the literal poison into positivity. someone antithetical to his own paternalistic force, healing our daddy issues one drag show at a time. BUT, Izzy is still thematically representative within Ed’s arc—and by also representing the trauma that made Ed “Blackbeard,” it does make smart writing sense as to why Izzy died (NOT saying you can’t be sad about it—stick with me for a moment).

because here’s the thing—as aforementioned, this show is also about DEATH. killing is the root of everyone’s trauma, and reconciling a relationship with death is the ultimate arc Ed and Stede are both on, with the ultimate path of learning to live despite its inevitability. there’s a reason it was such a huge thing that Ed couldn’t personally kill, and then in this episode killed so many people with his bare hands in the name of love—and there’s a reason that was framed as a good thing. and there’s also Ed’s (and arguably Stede’s) active suicidality, which has been a huge force driving this season. these are characters who see death as this all-consuming thing, and they see their own deaths as the only solution. death is the traumatic force driving almost everything about their being for so long—and its reconciliation is everything for them, the greatest sign of growth. so Izzy’s death, and everyone beginning again with love—healing each other with love—is a cap to it all. it’s death as a positive force, for once. it’s death as love, not trauma. it’s death as something that will always happen, but this time not forced by your own hand. it’s a death to everything toxic, to what “Blackbeard” represented, and all the while a sort of rebirth. it’s kind of a death to…death? it’s functionally like the real physical moon replacing the giant romantic imaginary orb: it’s taking the thing that’s been artificially morphed in Stede and Ed’s heads and making it real this time, with all the bittersweet emotions that come with tangible reality.

and honestly, I’m glad that it was tragic and emotional. I didn’t think I’d be so devastated to see Izzy die, but it really did get to me, especially because of everything he said to Ricky and then to Ed. but think of it this way: Izzy and Ed might be romantically compelling because they were toxic and charged (and I hope people still enjoy everything they get from that dynamic in fan work), but imagine if the show had actually gone in that direction—where would it take us thematically? it would kill the thesis; it would be love as chaos and entertainment, but not healing. instead, this show gave us something so much more powerful: a legitimate, fully-fleshed trauma arc.

trauma hurts. Izzy’s death hurts. but that’s okay. that’s great, actually! it means the storytelling was effective—that Izzy’s arc made you feel something. and i know this won’t be every viewer’s experience, but honestly? I’m glad I can have this grieving process in such a beautifully framed light in the safe space ship of this show, because let’s be real—death, real life death, fucks you up. and let me tell you, I could’ve used this show during so many episodes of grief in my life. but here it is now, reminding us that our grief and trauma doesn’t define us—and WHAT a powerful thing for queer love, especially, to be presented as the thing that heals us all. ESPECIALLY when so much grief and death in this community is woven so deeply with the trauma of our identity.

so grieve as you need to, but don’t forget to turn the poison into positivity 💛 because that’s what the show is telling us—choose live, despite!

#djenks out here paying my therapy bill yet again #I feel like I need a million disclaimers for this post so just assume I’ve said all of them #and remember that art that hurts isn’t always a bad thing! #I didn’t think I’d have coherent thoughts yet I swear I blacked out and wrote this here we are #ofmd #ofmd season 2 #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd spoilers #our flag means death #ofmd meta #tw: death #death #tw: suicide #suicide

[ooctlt]

I really like this blog most of the time, but sometimes you take reasonable earnest asks that are trying to be thoughtful, and are such a dick about it.

Like if it's the characters being dicks, fine. But you could say something in the tags or post to indicate you're not just viciously mocking someone for trying to engage.

I still haven't submitted an ask since seeing your response that led to comments along the lines of "anon should go die in a hole" for asking, pretty reasonably, why harrow would want to stay with people she didn't seem to like or want to be around or interact with.

(i know, because she does like them and does want them around but doesn't know how to show it) but it's an ASK blog. How do we hear that from her unless someone ASKS

i understand it might be surprising and a bit hurtful to see an ask answered with the characters being mean/flippant, and for that i do apologize that it wasnt made clear that it would be a common thing in this blog. id like to issue the disclaimer: there is always the possibility that the characters here will not take your question well. they might answer rudely, and instigating behavior is not only encouraged but expected on both ends. this does not reflect my personal opinions as the artist; there are over 250 asks even after i constantly compile duplicates, and i will answer the asks that i personally like.

i will assume you are referencing the two most recent posts where gideon acts rudely and i repost an old panel: for the former i thought anon was really sweet for being so heartfelt and encouraging, but gideon isnt the kind of person who needs to be told shes brave for doing that by a stranger. it was a simple act of survival. and harrow is still very much in the passive deprogramming phase. the latter response was meant to kickstart (spoilers) what i will call the "dicks last resort" arc, where i clean out the inbox and share more simple, low effort, but potentially rude responses*. this is because i have roughly drawn almost daily for 87 days straight, and would like to recuperate without being burnt out because i love this blog and i love art.

this leads me to my next point: some of these answers will be curt and short and rude, because they are easy to draw. if i only prioritized the "good" asks or to make certain ask responses kinder, or longer, it wouldnt be a daily blog. it would be a monthly blog where 5 asks get answered among 100s. i didnt anticipate people asking about harrows piercings, and i considered shutting it down by just having harrow say she likes them etc. but i did want to give more insight into harrows character even if she wouldnt say so herself, and that took roughly 3 full unemployed nights. if i treated every ask in good faith the same way i wouldnt have time for anything else, because they take more effort and have to be seriously considered for the future. i can retcon their favorite ice cream or play off griddlehark fighting - it takes more to keep track of a narrative about people talking Around their issues

* by rude responses i mean "this will affect the 679ers negatively, much like making your sim 🧑‍🤝‍🧑➖➖ someone" there are a few asks planned to hurt in the same way one drafts a bad end in a visual novel, and this type of interaction is encouraged. of course if you dont want them to get worse dont send asks telling gideon she should flirt with MILFs (you cant send this ask now i already said it), but i encourage the banter.

TL;DR this is the "characters think you are weird for personal questions" blog. i am sorry i didnt warn of the ask-response banter, because i also enjoy drawing these characters being dicks. i do like when aggravation and conflict leads to character development. "how do we get earnest answers unless someone asks" sometimes you will never explicitly get that from them, and thats what the dead ends are for: to let you know to try something else and read between the lines

#the reason why i did not say anything sooner is because i do not like making ooc posts on here often. i want a little intrigue and mystery #i dream of when people will actively discuss in tags and notes how best to confront these characters #actual ooc #and i will say. i will not remember to indicate in the tags that i am not mocking the ask every time #i cannot be responsible for managing everyones feelings if they are hurt that harrowhark or gideon reacted badly #which i have seen people do! in the notes saying that gideons behavior makes them hate her a little! good! #if you dont like the direction this blog turns then i would encourage you to interact selectively

[thekidsarentalright]

i’ve got all this ringing / jet pack blues

#idk if anyone will see my vision but these lyrics are just. so the same to me i feel a bit crazy actually #its about the remembering the good no matter how much you might wanna forget its about the grief the loss the agony. it is so heartbreaking #i lost you but do you remember? do you remember before when it was good? when we would run and press our heads close and Lived? bc i do. #i remember. i remember baby come home. the truth hurts worse than anything i could bring myself to do to you. i remember. god. #txt #lyrics.txt

[risariba]

Dreams

#I still remember how I felt when I first watched this episode.and how much I understood Eda's feelings #I think a lot of people who have an illness/disorder #physical or psychological disability understands this feeling of a huge gap between #you and other peopleand the feeling that you only hurt others with your condition or behavior #and it seems to you that there's no place for you in this world and you cannot be with other people because of all that #and your whole life #relationship #passions just dissolve and in the world there will always be only you and your curse #it was important for me to see something like this #the owl house #toh #toh spoilers #toh fanart #eda clawthorne #raine whispers #raeda #art

[snekdood]

There are genuinely people online that instead of actually bringing people to the left, at this point, would prefer that anyone who was previously not on the left but who tries to be *stays* outside of the left, because i guess its just easier to comprehend when the world is put into little shitty boxes you labeled for them instead of actually thinking for once and having the nuance to understand them. Like thats wild to me that theres people who would prefer you not be on the left or not try to be. Yall GENUINELY do not care about advocating for your side politically in any capacity. Its LITERALLY just a clique you've found yourself in. And theres nothing progressive about that or being exclusive, wtf do you think this shit is, a night club? Grow the fuck up, honestly.

#A whole lot easier to consistently point and laugh at the same person than to ever encourage them to change i guess #yall are weak #Yall wont get us anywhere and actively hurt progressive causes #And the worst part is most of the ppl like this are on tumblr and a lot of the people on tumblr absolutely suck as human beings #and never want to do anything about it either partially because they think theyre above any form of therapy 🙄 #Idk. maybe its a comfort thing. Like things have to be exactly how they remembered them the day before or else they'll idk lose their mind #Like some of yall would prefer the world stays black and white and thats sad #Lets be honest. What it really is is you dont want to have to feel any potential guilt for treating someone as if theyre just #discardable trash when they werent. #Bc ur just oooohhh soooo perfeccctttt and it just fucks with your self perception when someone even inadvertently suggests #you did something wrong lmao. #yall wont survive in this world

[tianhai03]

pov dante teaches you what kabedon means

#h. yeah. yea #a friend suggested me to draw this awhile ago and i suddenly remembered it today so i figured... why not............. #dont really know if the perspective is correct but its ok i think we're all too distracted by smth else to focus on that #ANYWAY............................. #devil may cry #dante(dmc) #do u ever get embarrassed at smth u drew urself #yeah. i somehow feel more embarrassed at this than when i draw him half naked. #dont know why. cant explain why. brain hurt. dante hot #allyart

[opens-up-4-nobody]

She's turning the rain to snow

#LISTEN. uwu rukia my beloved 😭😭😭 #theyre both so sad abd soft together. bleach hurt me so bad. the betrayal. but the fucking sad rain music plays in my head all the time #fucking christ its the show i have so so much nostalgia for #god. i wanna write ichiruki feels but dont wanna rewatch all of bleach #i dont remember it well enough but the soul mates thing. the rain the ice queen. the rukia wanting a family and putting other before hersel #the ichigo being trained as a protector and being the onky one willing to not let her die. #im gonna have to redraw that kiss in like 2 years or so bc i like the pose. the dress is way too long for her tiny legs tho #i did not use my time wisely today 😬 #bleach #ichiruki #ichigo kurosaki #rukia kuchiki #tw blood #shout out to middle school me who couldnt draw either of these fools ✌️ #fanart