#the funny thing is the one time someone was hateful towards me on account of me being a fag i dont even remember the act | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

exhaslo · 3 months

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Hii exh!! I was wondering if u can do a request I have in mind, it’s basically CEO!Cold!Miguel x shy!Sweet!reader and Miguel literally needs stress relief but only reader can help him but as he fucks her in his office, he starts saying the most non sense shit about how he always stalks & admires her every time he sees her at work or home which has reader hella shocked and he also has a big breeding kink def :3 (this is my first time writing a request and I’m sorry if I didn’t explain right idk how to explain stuff😭)

I love me some cold!Miguel x shy!Reader shit. I'll write the hell out of this one, haha. Also, you are totally fine, thank you for allowing me to be the first one to receive your first request!!

So sorry that I'm writing this hella late tho. I had so many requests in December that it wasn't even funny. *cries*

Warning: MINORS DNI, smut, p in v, creampie, dirty talk, overstimulation, rough sex

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There were a lot of things Miguel hated about himself. Most, if not all of them, involved his thoughts about you. Every time you entered his mind, Miguel had the dirtiest thoughts. The worst intensions and the most horrible habits.

It all started when you got hired in his company. Lyla was looking for some new accountants to ease with the heavy workload. You were nearly hiding amongst the new hires. It was cute to think how you tried to hide yourself behind the other women.

Miguel took notice of you since you had such a low and soft voice. You quietly handed in your work to Lyla and always quickly fled. Miguel's gaze was always on you. How someone so shy and sweet ended up in the palm of his devilish hands.

Miguel's thoughts of you grew more obsessive. He needed you. He wanted you. Thoughts of you sitting on his cock started to flood his mind at one point when you cried over a mistake in paperwork. Miguel could give you a reason to cry. He could easily fill you up, having you sob in pleasure.

Miguel nearly lost his common sense when you came in on Valentine's day with cookies for everyone in your department. It felt horrible and disgusting, but Miguel approached you with sexual thoughts.

"Ah, h-hello, sir," You said with a soft stutter, surprised to see the CEO in front of you. Miguel just smiled casually,

"(Y/N), how are you?" He asked, walking with you to the elevator.

You felt your cheeks fluster as you walked beside Miguel. Gripping against your skirt, you replied to him quietly. You could barely pay attention to anything aside from your racing heart. You gasped as Miguel chuckled towards you, allowing you inside the elevator first.

"How kind of you to bring treats for everyone," Miguel said, his tone a little harsh. You froze,

"I-I'm s-sorry, sir. I-I can um, bring you some!" You panicked. Miguel's gaze was heavy on you as he pressed the emergency stop button, "S-Sir-"

"What if I want something else?" He asked, his voice heavy against your ear. You felt your body tremble,

"L-Like?"

The next moment, you were against the elevator wall, moaning loudly as Miguel's cock bullied your pussy. Your skirt riled up as your breasts bounced out of your bra. Drool rolling down your lips as you moaned and whimpered Miguel's name.

Miguel's thick, meaty cock, making a home inside your tight velvet walls as he pounded you. Shaking as you felt yourself about to cum again, you cried out his name. Miguel held your hips closer to his as he slapped himself inside your pussy deeper, giving you a heavy load of his cum.

"Good girl," He whispered in your ear before fixing your panties and skirt. You bit your lower lip and trembled at the feeling of his cum dripping out of you,

"Y-Yes, sir," You panted softly. Miguel lifted you up, kissing you before having the elevator move again.

"When I call, come to my office, okay?"

"Y-Yes, s-sir."

---------

Miguel's obsession with you only grew once he finally had a taste. Miguel made you that you were single and stayed that way. Only he could have you for himself. Miguel wanted you to be his. The only way he saw that was to fuck a baby into you.

You were such the perfect woman for him. You came when called and showered Miguel with attention. Even when he wasn't drilling his dick into your needy pussy, you were there for him. Miguel loved how you were already mother material.

"Um, sir?" You whispered, entering his office. Miguel glanced up at you, smiling devilishly,

"(Y/N), you know what to call me when we're alone."

"S-Sorry, Miguel. T-There were um...p-people at your door." You hurried over to his desk, placing a small box down, "Um...I...I hope you don't mind, but I-I heard it was the anniversary of the company. S-So, congrats!" You chirped.

Miguel glanced at the box, then towards you. He patted his desk, watching you obey and sit on it. With a lick of his lips, Miguel reached for the box as you slowly undid your shirt. His eyes were always on you. You were still so shy despite taking his dick many times.

"How thoughtful," Miguel hummed, glancing at the small present you got him.

You smiled brightly as Miguel admired the gift. It wasn't long before he returned his attention to you. His body already pressing yours against his desk as he lifted your skirt up once more. His fingers stroking your panties, watching you shake under his touch.

"You also wore the new lingerie set I got you, such a good girl."

"Mhpm~"

You tried to hide your smile as you melted under Miguel's touch. It was embarrassing the first few times you let him fuck you, but you loved every second of it. It was like a dream come true. You cared about Miguel and despite his cold attitude, you wanted to believe that he cared about you too.

"Spread your legs for me,"

Doing as he said, you bit your lower lip from anticipation. Miguel liked to fuck you rough and deep. You always stumbled and struggled to walk after your quick sessions. You felt embarrassed if you were to admit that you wanted him to keep fucking you.

"So wet for me already, what a naughty girl," Miguel hummed as he held his cock, pressing it against your hole, "But you did give me a gift, so I should reward you, right?"

"R-Reward...or..p-punishment...I'll take both," You whispered. Miguel smirked as he pushed his cock into your wet pussy,

"That's riiiiiight. You're such a good girl that you'll take both," Miguel hummed as he slapped his dick into you, "My slutty good girl likes my dick no matter how I give it, right?"

"T-That's r-right!" You moaned out, gripping onto Miguel's jacket as he pounded you.

"Such a slutty pussy. Listen to how loud it's sucking me in. Do you want everyone to hear you take my dick so loud?"

"N-No~" You cried out, covering your face. Miguel chuckled as he spread your legs wider, watching a white ring form against his dick,

"Did you cum already? So soon, now, now, I didn't give you permission."

"M-Miggy~ Mig~" You moaned, flinging your head back as he rubbed against your sweet spot.

"Making it easier for me to fuck a baby into you, right? That's what you want, huh?" Miguel chuckled as he fasten his pace, ready to give you his first load, "You always hurry home, making sure you have plenty of time to fuck yourself to me ravishing you."

"Mhm~!" You shivered as Miguel poured his cum into your womb.

"Always preparing yourself for my dick. Such a good girl, getting yourself ready whenever I call for you," Miguel grunted in your ear as he continued his rough thrusts.

"Ah~ M-Mig~ T-Too much!" You begged. Miguel raised a brow as he started to slow down his thrusts, rubbing your clit in resposne,

"Too much? But don't you love screaming my name at night when you're home and lonely?" Miguel said harshly. You were shaking, whining as Miguel went slower,

"I-I do!"

"Then what should you be saying?" Miguel asked. You arched your back, whining as you tried to suck Miguel back in,

"D-Don't stop! P-Please fill m-my pussy, Miggy!"

"And?"

"Ah~ d-destroy me~ M-Make me yours~ P-Please! Please!" You begged.

Miguel complied as he returned to his rough thrusts. You cried and moaned louder as you cam against his dick once more. Miguel watched in amusement as your juices covered his cock. Your sweet, fucked out expression just begging for more.

Your body was shaking from overstimulation as Miguel kept toying with your clit and breasts. You were a babbling mess as Miguel pressed you into mating position. His cum filling your womb once more before he kept going.

"Let me make you a mother, (Y/N). Don't you want my child?"

"Yesh~" You whimpered.

"Say it," Miguel demanded. You rolled your eyes back, nearly gasping at the feeling of Miguel feeling you up even more,

"G-Gimme...yer baby, Migs." You begged.

Like music to his ears, Miguel kept his word. He made sure to keep giving you his load of cum until his next meeting that is. By the time he had to leave, Miguel fixed you up and placed your on his couch he had in his office. You slept soundly until he returned.

"(Y/N), let's go." Miguel whispered, waking you from your slumber. You whimpered in response, shaking as he helped you up,

"Sir..."

"Now, now. You know what to call me," Miguel chuckled darkly as you stumbled behind him.

"Migueeeel," You whispered, reaching out for him.

Miguel held your waist, leading you to his limo. A smirk clearly on his face as he led you inside. Once the car started to move, Miguel placed you on his lap, having you sit on his cock while he took you to his place.

"We're not going to stop until I give you my child, (Y/N)." Miguel whispered in your ear. You held onto Miguel, trembling against his cock as you felt him push back the cum that was already inside you,

"Y-Yes, Miguel,"

Miguel chuckled lowly as he held you in place. His sweet little worker was doing such a good job. Miguel hated how much he loved the thought of tainting your precious body. Miguel hated how much he loved filling you with his cock.

"Oh, (Y/N), my pretty little dick accessory. Tell me, what are you?" Miguel asked with a cruel tone.

"Y-Your good girl," You moaned in response.

Miguel just smirked as he had you bounce on him. Your face growing more flustered as you came against his dick. Miguel just held your hips, leaning back and watching you be his good girl. His sweet girl who would do anything for him.

"I'm going to make you my wife, (Y/N). You're going to have my baby and be mine. Doesn't that sound nice?"

"Mhm~ Yes, Miggy!"

"That's my good girl."

Miguel's smirk never faded as he continued to ravish your body until you finally pregnant with his child. Miguel made you his personal assistant, allowing you to assist him with his every need. You were his sweet, precious good girl.

And he wasn't letting you go.

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Hope you enjoyed!!!

#miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara #spiderman 2099 #miguel spiderverse #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel o'hara smut #miguel spiderman #atsv miguel #across the spiderverse #miguel x reader #miguel x y/n #miguel x you

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another-lost-mc · 1 year

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Player Two LEVIATHAN x gn!Reader 1.7k words | NSFW | Yandere-ish | Developing Relationship Content Warnings: Manipulative and possessive thoughts/behaviour, some suggestive thoughts towards the end. obey me! masterlist

When you arrive in the Devildom and try to get to know him, Leviathan's immediately suspicious of you and even more skeptical of your bold declarations. He has a hard time believing you really like gaming. He assumes you’re just trying to sound like you do to get close to him, for some foolish reason.

He hates to admit how much more interesting you are when you manage to actually convince him that it's a genuine hobby of yours.

When Levi shows you his room, you're amazed and he feels a sense of pride, like his hobbies are validated by someone that understands him. He pretends not to stare at you while you slowly browse the shelves of games and collectibles in his room.

You notice he plays a Devildom MMO game, and you're instantly curious about it. Levi didn’t think you’d be into those types of games - they require a lot of time and effort.

He thinks that maybe, just maybe, you’re not such a boring normie human after all.

You ask him if you can watch him play the game, and you point out similarities and differences when you compare it to the human world MMO you played before.

When you're both called to dinner, it interrupts your conversation about Levi's guild. You tell him funny stories from your previous gaming guild, and he's finally convinced that your interest is legit.

Levi decides to do something nice to help you out - a test to see how serious you really are. He won't give you another chance if you blow this one.

He might happen to have a spare laptop you can use, and he offers to lend it to you. If the game is already installed and ready to play, Levi's just trying to be nice and do the boring installation stuff for you. And if Levi sends you a Recruit-A-Friend invitation to set up your own account, it's because he gets perks from it - he really doesn't care if you play or not.

Levi even goes as far as adding his payment info to your new account to pay the subscription fee. He doesn't have the patience to wait for you to borrow someone else's credit card. "You can pay me back later,” he tells you, even though he has no intention of ever asking for the money back.

You might know how to play an MMO, but he believes he's still got loads to show you about this one. His desk is a bit cramped, and it’s inconvenient dragging the laptop back and forth between your room and his.

He offers to lend you a spare headset - one that’s brand new and still in its packaging from today's Akuzon delivery - so you can use voice comms together, and he can stream his screen to yours while he talks to you directly. Isn't that convenient?

He's already set up a private voice comms server just for the two of you - don't tell his brothers about it though, okay? It's only for the two of you.

When Levi creates a new character to play with yours, he says it's easier than trying to show you things on his maxed-out character.

He chooses to level a tank class to protect your squishy glass cannon character, and he reminds you that he's doing you a favour and saving you from so many unnecessary deaths. If he happens to show off along the way, who could blame him? He's really good at this game, and if you try hard enough, maybe you can be too.

He raids the game's most difficult content with his guild at night. For some reason, he really wants you to watch him play. He doesn't want you to level your character without him, either. (He won't ask you not to, but he secretly hopes you don't.)

You mention that one of his guildmates, someone that doesn't raid, offered to play some low level dungeons with you while Levi's busy. For some reason that upsets him, but he doesn't know why.

Levi's half-focused on his raid while he occasionally checks your character status. He absolutely does not keep track of how long you're in the same dungeon as his guildmate. And he definitely isn't checking whether you're in a separate voice channel together.

By the time his raid is over, you've already sent him a message wishing him good luck and goodnight. He's a bit disappointed that you went to bed so early (even though its well past midnight).

He sees another message from before that, when you told him about a cute pet you found in the game (it's a reward anyone can get from doing a simple quest, it shouldn't be that exciting). You mention offhand that you like collecting pets and you might try to find some more tomorrow.

Levi acts like it's not a big deal when you log in and discover he's sent your character dozens of new pets for your collection. He shrugs and claims he had duplicates that he had no use for. (They weren't, he bought them all specially for you, but he won't admit it.)

By the time you hit max level with your character, Levi's bought you expensive crafted gear and he's planning on getting you the other items you need so you can try raiding with him his guild.

Sometimes he thinks of your character as his own virtual Henry - and spending so much time together means he starts to think about you as his Henry outside the game, too.

What Levi doesn't realize is how genuinely happy you are that he's given you a chance. He was so defensive and secretive about his hobbies, and you hoped having a shared common interest would make it easier for you to make friends in this strange place.

You wanted to prove that unlike his brothers, you understand why gaming and anime gives him so much joy. You don't think it's a waste of time or money, and you can appreciate the hard work he puts into those hobbies even if no one else does.

And you knew he was skeptical of you at first, but things are so much different now. He's not calling you a stupid wannabe human otaku anymore, and he encourages you and helps you like a friend would.

You used to ask Levi if he wanted to play with you - but now, he's asking if you want to play with him, and you know that means he likes you, in his own way.

Sure, it might be weird playing a game with someone in different rooms of the same house, using voice comms to talk to each to each other because it's easier than typing everything. It's definitely easier than having to drag your laptop around, and that's what he tells his brothers when they comment about how weird it is living with two nerds instead of one.

One thing you notice about Levi is that he's more confident behind his screen. He doesn't stutter or get shy the way he does if you try to talk to him in person, but you're socially awkward sometimes too so it doesn't bother you.

The truth is, he notices that you're more talkative over voice comms with him too. You're not afraid to ask him silly noob questions anymore, and he doesn't call you a noob now even if you do.

Levi realizes that there's something very intimate about having your voice in his ear when you're on comms together. It makes him feel things because this is something you only do with him and not with his brothers.

You're friendly with his brothers, sure - but you never sound this happy except when you're spending time with Levi. It's not even limited to gaming anymore - you get excited talking about the new anime series he invites you to watch with him, or the manga you ask to borrow.

When you mention you like to read, he lends you his copies of the TSL novels. If there's other books or movies you want, he buys them for you so you don't have to ask his brothers for anything.

He thinks that he's the only one to see your true, authentic self. He likes you now, and he doesn't want to share.

The first night you join him for a guild raid, Levi notices that you're not nearly as talkative with the larger group of players present. When you do speak, you're so quiet. He hasn't heard you sound this small since you first arrived in the Devildom.

When you're alone again after the guild raid ends, you thank him for inviting you and tell him how much fun it was. You sound more like yourself again, and even though Levi didn't expect you to be so shy around his friends - well, part of him likes keeping this version of you for himself.

He can't help feeling just a bit selfish. He likes the way you laugh openly at his jokes or the way you tease him (or yourself). When you're gaming together, you gasp loudly if something surprises you, or you groan if you do something silly that gets one of you (or both of you) killed. Normally those types of things would annoy him, but with you, it's fun.

Your relationship with Levi changes, and grows, and maybe you underestimate how much of an impact you've had on him. You don't mention when things between you start to shift towards something more than friends, and neither does he.

His brothers know there's something going on between you. You blow off their invitations if it interferes with plans you already have with Levi. They start to make subtle hints and jokes about Levi and you and dating, and Levi scoffs loudly and slams the door when he stalks off to his room.

You're not dating him, you're just friends. Sometimes he thinks about you in ways that aren't strictly platonic, but his denial still runs deep.

So what if Levi starts recording your conversations so he can listen to your voice when he has trouble sleeping? He doesn't feel bad because it's not hurting anyone.

When you play together late at night, your voice is softer, quieter and breathier. Maybe you're just trying to be considerate of everyone in the house trying to sleep, but the reason doesn't matter. It's like you're whispering in his ear and it sends his mind spiraling.

When he gets hard listening to the sound of your voice telling him how amazing he is, or how lucky you are that you met him, it doesn't mean anything.

It's a harmless little secret. You're his friend, his Henry.

You might not realize it, and he might not admit it, but you've lured him in - and he won't let you go.

#someone dropped this 🚩#obey me leviathan #obey me x reader #omswd x reader #obey me leviathan x reader #leviathan x reader #obey me levi x mc #leviathan x mc #obey me levi x you #leviathan x you #obey me yandere #yandere leviathan #obey me fanfic #omswd fanfic #x reader #gn!reader

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funnyburneracct · 4 months

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Hi, I'm Xiao/burningrqs. this post is going to be long. Posting this from a burner so that it doesn't go down the drain when we deactivate.

But essentially, this is an apology to the radqueer community for multiple different things. I'm going to do my best to type this out as well as possible, and I apologize if I miss anything or word things poorly. I am going to explain myself to the best of my abilities, but please keep in mind that my explanations do not excuse my actions by any means.

Post under the cut.

for those who don't want to read it though, TL;DR: I was a complete asshole and I'm genuinely very sorry about it.

So, I want to start off by apologizing in general for the "burning radqueers" thing. Not only was it just not funny, but it was also really weird. I know damn well that if I saw someone pop up with a "burningmogais" blog or something, I would be pissed. So I don't know what made me think that running burningradqueers was a good idea in any sense.

My rude and dehumanizing comments did not help. Regardless of how I view people, what disorders I have, or how symptoms present themselves, it was disgusting of me to act as though I can't be held accountable for my cruelty towards others.

The targeted posts were even worse, and allowing people to just pick a random blog to "burn" was teetering on harassment. It put the user in front of so many people who clearly did not have good intentions towards them, and inherently put the user being "burnt" in danger. I wish I noticed that fact sooner. Even if I disagreed with people or didn't like them for whatever reason, I still should not have felt as though I had the right to post stuff like that.

Adding onto that, I should have never used my ASPD as an excuse for anything. I tend to get defensive when I feel insulted, which is what happened, and I decided to bite back despite being in the wrong. I acted impulsively and out of pure anger, and then tried to defend it, which I shouldn't have. When saying the kinds of things I did, I am open to criticism whether I like that fact or not, and trying to act as though I am immune to that criticism because of a disorder was disgusting on my part.

Another thing, somewhat on a similar note, is that an apology is owed for my hostility in general. Every time it was even lightly suggested I was wrong, I seemed to lash out and get angry. This really just comes down to me needing to learn to admit my wrongs. I should not have made my inability to understand my wrongdoings anyone else's problem.

Then there's also the things I said when I lashed out before deciding to drop burningradqueers entirely. I don't fully remember all of what I said as the event happened during an episode (this does not excuse my words at all by the way. regardless of my state at the time, what I said wasn't okay and should not be excused) and the posts have since been deleted. But, I do remember at one point making harassment out to be a competition of sorts when someone was simply trying to calmly explain to my why the namedropping was not a good move. I can't for the life of me remember why I did that, but I am very sorry about it. A lot of people in the radqueer community have been harassed (and likely do still get harassed constantly), and for me to act like I am the only victim of harassment was wrong on multiple levels.

I'm sure there was a lot of bad stuff I said during that episode, but as I said, I do not remember most of it. I'm sorry that I can't apologize for the specific things I said, but I am apologizing for the situation as a whole.

The entire thing started over me not being able to handle much deserved criticism, and I stood "my ground" despite having absolutely no ground to stand on.

I started burningradqueers over baseless hatred. I didn't know why I was supposed to hate radqueers, or what I was even really hating. I joined the anti community thinking that it is much easier to just move with the pack and hate what everyone else seems to hate, but hatred really isn't that easy. It's exhausting. And realizing how much the anti community really wouldn't want me if I was honest about things made me realize that. Realizing that there are so many antis who would rather see us suffer forever due to dysphoria than see us live happily after getting amputations was rough, and honestly kinda gave me a taste of what radqueers have to deal with every single day, and it felt horrible.

Without realizing it, I managed to do so much damage to a community full of people who deal with exactly the same things I do, a community that is mostly traumatized and mentally ill people who are just trying to get by. Not even just that, but genuinely just people trying to exist and be honest about themselves.

It is not my place to dictate what is and isn't valid in terms of someone's personal identity, and even more, it's not okay for me to treat a whole community like garbage just because I didn't understand it.

Again, I do not want my actions to be excused. I treated people horribly and was a total dick, but I hope that me apologizing can at least make some of you feel better about how I behaved.

#pro rq 🌈🍓#rq 🌈🍓#rq community #rqc🌈🍓#radqueer #rq please interact #radqueers please interact #radqueer please interact

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builtbybrokenbells · 1 year

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Long Time Coming

After spending your entire life getting to know the optimistic, perpetually happy Josh Kiszka, you are pleasantly surprised when he shows you a different side of him.

Pairing: Josh Kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 8.3k

Warnings: SMUT 18+, fingering, oral (f!receiving), unprotected sex (don’t be silly, wrap your willy), swearing, angst, alcohol consumption, mentions death/sickness, mentions of drug use and addiction, parental issues, creepiness from men. Sorry if I missed any!!

here’s some smutty angsty grumpy x sunshine love. Writing this whole thing has been a bit therapeutic, so it turned out a little longer than I expected 😭 I apologize. anyways, be kind, I hope you enjoy, and please excuse any grammar mistakes! ALSO it’s been a long time since I’ve written smut so if it’s bad please bear with me

There was something about him. Something that all of the girls seemed to swoon over, that implored them to flock to him and fall to his feet. Sure, you could understand how it could be charming, but to you? It drove you absolutely insane. And not in the good way. You didn’t hate the guy; far from it, really. But you did try to limit your one on one time with him, just to spare yourself the headache later in the day.

Josh Kiszka was not a bad person. He was nowhere near it. He was very attractive, but also nice, kind, and quite funny, too, but he was so unbelievably happy all of the time. You didn’t hate happiness, but by god, you were sure if you told him you’d murdered his whole family he’d still find the best in the situation. Admittedly, you were aware that you lived your life a bit more on the grumpy side, always leaning towards the glass half empty idea, but even so; you didn’t understand how he never seemed to be in a bad mood.

You didn’t hate optimism, but he sure as hell made you feel like you shouldn’t be sad over the stuff you’re allowed to be sad about. That, and due to your mediocre life filled with more than enough troubles, you envied that you’d never seen a frown on his face. You loved him, sure. He was one of your friends, albeit you found yourself closer with the other three boys. You’d grown up with them, always found yourself in their company, and even moved to Nashville after you’d finished university just to be around them again, and perhaps to get away from Michigan, as well.

You worked in finance, securing a well paying job as an accountant at a big name company not long after your move to the big city. You had sort of moved on a whim, with no real promise of a good job or any sustainable income. You didn’t want to move until you had one for sure, but eventually conceded because of a promise from Sam that he and Danny had a spare bedroom in their apartment that was begging for someone to take it. They had been pestering you for as long as they’d lived there for you to move in with them. You had graduated with Jake and Josh, but found more solace hanging out with the younger two boys once you all grew up. Josh still took credit for ‘founding your friendship with Sam’ as he was the first of any of the brothers to spark a conversation with you.

You got plenty of alone time when the boys were off on tour, and didn’t mind the noise at all when they came home. As much as you liked to believe you were an introvert, you found yourself longing for their company after coming home every day to silence. Maybe it was just Sam and Danny that brought that out in you.

You pulled into your usual parking spot outside of the apartment complex at exactly 5:17, the same time you were home almost every day, due to the ungodly (but predictable) traffic always in the way of the roads. The firm you worked for should only be a five minute drive, at most, but city traffic was tedious and nothing like what you were used to in your small hometown. You were certain you’d never get used to it. You pulled your keys out of your ignition, followed by a cigarette from your pack. You had the habit kicked for a while, but picked it up sometime during the three month stretch the boys had been gone. You hoped you could quit it again before they got back within the coming weeks, but you had little hope.

You sat on the grass by the door, lighting the end of the cigarette. You let your eyes scan the parking lot, looking for nothing in particular. The sun was warm and it was nice being outside after eight hours of stuffy office air. Your dress pants were growing even more uncomfortable by the second and you were eager to get inside so you could curl up in bed and start your weekend off correctly: a glass of wine and a date with your book. You were excited to play the new vinyl records you’d picked up earlier in the week on a spur of the moment shopping trip.

You decided to have another before you went inside, just to curb the craving for a bit longer. Just as you put the filter between your lips, the front door of the building opened. You didn’t bother to look up, figuring it was just your creepy neighbour. He always seemed to be waiting for you when you got home from work. Sam promised you he’d get him evicted when he got back. “Chainsmoking, now, y/n?” You heard a disapproving tsk follow the sentence. Your head snapped up, barely believing your ears.

“Sammy!?” You shot up from your position on the ground. He held his arms out and you jumped into them, not caring how stupid it looked. “What are you doing home?” You asked, head still buried in his shoulder. He held you until you were ready to let go.

“Missed your pretty face too much, had to come back just to see it.” He said, pinching your cheeks when he finally let go.

“You’re too sweet, Samuel. Don’t flatter me.” You rolled your eyes.

“Seriously though, you’re smoking again? I thought you were the first person to actually adhere to their New Year’s resolution.” You gave a shrug.

“What can I say? Old habits die hard.” You admitted. He nodded as if to say ‘fair enough’. “Is Danny back, too?” You asked, a hopeful gleam in your eyes. He nodded, a grin still stuck on his face.

“We had a stretch with no shows so we came home to see you.” He informed. “I know you’d never admit it, but we know you get lonely when we’re gone.” Instead of his usual joking tone, it was laced with sincerity. Instead of responding with words, you just pulled him into another embrace. He smelled like Sam; a scent that felt more like home than anything else. “Come in, get comfortable, and get something to eat. We brought you your favourite takeout,” he paused before continuing. “Thing one and Thing two are coming over tonight, too.” You chuckled at Sam’s pass at his brothers. You missed them so much, you weren’t even dreading having to deal with Josh’s exuberant personality all evening.

When you entered your apartment, you wasted no time searching for the honorary Kiszka brother. You found him standing in the living room, anxiously awaiting your arrival. You wasted no time running to him, tackling him in a hug. You both fell to the ground in a mess of limbs and echoing laughter. “I missed you too, bug.” He said, with his arms still wrapped around you. Danny was the only person in the world you allowed to call you any pet names, aside from your Grandmother, who’d raised you your whole life. Josh tried his luck, calling you ‘mama’ any chance he got, which was always met with a glare in return.

When you both got back on your feet, you implored them to tell you all about the last few months. They waved it off, assuring you they’d tell you all about it later night. You ushered them upstairs to show them the new vinyls you’d added to your collection. Eventually, you had gotten changed and graciously ate the food your roommates had brought home to you. You took a quick shower before the twins arrived, reapplying a bit of makeup so you could cover the exhaustion caused by your never ending pile of work. You sipped on a glass of wine while music played softly from your phone.

A knock sounded on the bathroom door, catching your attention. “What’s up?” You asked, unsure of who would answer.

“Get dressed up, we’re going to head to the bar down the street.” Sam’s voice sounded. You opened the door so you could talk to him face to face, rather than through a wall.

“Implying I don’t always look fantastic?” You teased.

“Not in the slightest, my dear, for you are the fairest maiden in apartment 3C.” He gave a dramatic bow. You rolled your eyes, shoving him backwards. He stumbled slightly before regaining his footing.

“I’m the only ‘maiden’ in 3C, Sammy.”

“Not true, I’m not sure if you realized but Daniel also lives with us.” You let a giggle escape your lips as you fumbled with the tube of mascara in your hand. “I’ll leave you to it, then.”

You finished getting ready not long after Sam left you, pulling a nice dress from your closet and throwing it on. You took your hair down from its clip to let it dry naturally. When you made your way back to the living room, four voices sounded down the hall. You appeared around the corner, staying silent until one of the twins noticed you. After a few minutes, Josh broke from their conversation to check if you’d shown up. His eyes lit up at the sight of you. You didn’t even find yourself annoyed when his infamous smile crossed his cheeks. He pushed past everyone to greet you. You welcomed his hug, to everyone’s surprise. “Looking good, as usual, mama.” He whispered as he let go. You bit your tongue, fighting back a snide comment at his pet name.

“Thanks, Joshua.” You replied. You let your eyes linger over him for a moment. He looked good, too, but you’d never let yourself say it out loud. It would fuel his ego a bit too much. He’d cut his hair, which you’d failed to notice in the photos Sam had sent you. It was shaved on the sides now, the top a curly mess. You noticed he looked a little less boyish since the last time you’d seen him, now growing in a bit of facial hair. He looked really good. After an awkward staring contest, Jake pushed his twin to the side to greet you, too. “To the bar, then?” You asked the group after a few moments. There was chorus of agreements.

It was dark out now, the sun just finished setting, leaving a rusty glow in the sky. The group of you walked down the busy sidewalk together, passing other groups of drunkards with the same idea. You were sandwiched between Sam and Danny, both of their arms wrapped around you. To be honest, you hated the bar. Sweaty drunk people dancing to shitty music, creepy guys who made your skin crawl, and always leaving feeling dirty. It was not something you desired to experience. But tonight, you were more than happy to go if it meant you got to be with your friends.

Jake led the way to a booth in the far corner, away from the crowd. You slid in first, and Josh jumped at the chance to sit beside you. You bit the inside of your cheek, wishing someone else had claimed the seat first, but you stayed silent. The night was filled with chatter, stories about the tour bus antics and the different cities they’d been lucky enough to visit. “You have to come with us sometime, y/n, I think you’d love it.” Josh said.

“I can’t just get up and go, Josh. I have to work.” You told him, shutting the idea down. It irked you slightly, knowing he thought you could just drop everything and leave.

“Take some vacation time, then. We’d love to have you come along. Plus, I hate the thought of you being here alone all of the time.” You had to take a double take when the words left his mouth. Not once, in your lifetime of friendship, could you ever recall him saying he hated something. ‘Weird’ you thought to yourself.

“Y-yeah, maybe.” You nodded, taking a long sip from your drink. After the silence lingered too long, the youngest brother jumped at the opportunity to break it.

“Shots, anyone?” Sam asked, eyeing you specifically. You shrugged.

“As long as it’s not bottom of the barrel liquor.”

“Don’t I always treat you well?” Sam snipped back. You smiled at him as he left the booth, Danny and Jake following suit, presumably also to get more drinks. That left you and Josh to yourselves.

“How’s your big girl job treating you?” Josh asked, taking sudden interest in your personal life.

“Uh, it’s work, I guess.” You let out a small laugh.

“Oh come on, it can’t be that bad! You work for a huge company - it must be exciting!” He smiled at you. You let out a long exhale, nodding and forcing a smile on your face. There it was, the dreaded, mind-numbing optimism.

Sam returned with a platter of shots. He sat them in front of you with a charming smile. “For the lovely lady.”

“All for me?” You raised an eyebrow.

“If you feel such a need to have all of them, then I suppose I couldn’t be too upset with you.” He joked. You took two off the tray and the lime slice. You threw one back with no salt or lime, barely flinching at the burn it left behind. You finished the second one and popped the lime in your mouth, sucking the juice from it. “Good god, woman. You could bring any man to his knees shooting liquor like that.” Sam said with a humorous, lustful tone.

“I’m just getting started, darlin’.” You mumbled. Chasing the shots with the last of your drink. “I’ve got to take a trip outside; I will be back.” You said, shooing Josh out of the booth. You went outside for a cigarette, letting the cool air settle deep into your bones, returning feeling slightly rejuvenated. When you went back inside, you stopped by the bar to grab another beverage. As you waited to be served, a man just around the same age as you squeezed into the limited space between you and the next person.

You shifted awkwardly, not wanting to bump shoulders with him. He turned to smile at you, looking you up and down. “What’s a pretty girl like yourself doing buying your own drinks?” He asked. You brushed the comment off, not responding. You drummed your fingertips off the sticky bar top, signalling your impatience. “Playing hard to get, eh?” He pried, making a move to put his arm around you. You tried to shimmy out of his grip, but you were packed too tightly between other people to get away.

“Nope, just not interested.” You huffed.

“Oh come on now, let me buy you a drink, at least. Then maybe another, and I might get you drunk enough to agree to come home with me.” He gave you a sly grin. You couldn’t see it, but Josh was staring daggers at him from the booth. He’d been the first to notice your delay in returning, and the first to catch sight of the sleazy guy trapping you beside him. He was ablaze with anger just at the thought of someone touching you when you didn’t want it.

“Yeah, not the best pickup line, buddy.” You shut him down once more. His grasp around your waist tightened as you saw a flash of anger in his eyes. Your heart drummed against your chest, hoping one of the boys would notice and help you out.

“Oh come on, quit being a tease. Showing up here in a dress like that? You’re begging someone to take you home.” He practically growled. Just as you were trying to formulate a good enough response to get him to leave you alone, a firm, but gentle hand was placed on your shoulder.

“Hey, man, get the fuck away from her.” The person snapped from behind you. You turned your head, expecting to see Jake due to the tone of voice, but you were very surprised to see Josh standing there. The unknown man scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“And who are you?” The guy puffed up his chest, wanting to seem scarier than he was.

“My boyfriend.” The words tumbled out of your mouth faster than you could process them. “Come on, babe.” You grabbed Josh’s hand and pulled him back towards the booth, finally getting a moment of freedom to allow you to do so. Josh was just as stunned as you were at your proclamation, but both of you brushed it off quickly.

“You okay, mama?” He asked, silently begging you to look at him.

“Yeah, thank you, Josh.” You breathed. Your hands were still intertwined. He nodded, eerily still, afraid that the physical contact would end.

“No need to thank me, I can still go and punch him, if you-“

“No, that’s okay.” You cut him off, even more surprised at the anger that was radiating off of him. You’d never seen Josh any less than content. His eyes held an emotion you weren’t sure Josh even knew existed. You hated to admit it, but you found it quite attractive. The thought of Josh getting that worked up on your behalf was causing you to have some conflicting thoughts. He nodded, looking to the floor.

“Sorry,�� he cleared his throat. You shook your head, giving him a small smile.

“No need.” You whispered back. You felt your eyes linger over his face, still trying to fully grasp the situation at hand. “Did you maybe want to play some pool? Take our minds off it?” You suggested. He gave a slow nod.

“Sure, yeah.” He mumbled.

You gathered the rest of the boys, making your way to a vacant pool table. You sat on a stool and watched the brothers play a viciously terrible game, stifling laughs the whole time. “Sam, what the fuck was that?” Danny asked, motioning to the ball he’d hit too hard, causing it to fall from the table to the floor.

“Hey! I may be pretty, but I never once said I was good at pool,” Sam raised his hands in defence. The game ended in a stalemate, as all parties gave up at the realization that there was no progress being made.

The night carried on without another hiccup. It was filled with laughs, jokes and stories that you likely would not remember by the time you woke up the next day. You were positively drunk, stumbling to the bar after Sam had convinced you to do a terribly hilarious karaoke performance with him. “Hey! Can I get another screwdriver and whatever that man has been getting all night!” You shouted at the bartender, pointing to Josh. She laughed at you but nodded, getting you the drinks.

You returned to the group, handing Josh the drink you’d bought for him. “For me?” He questioned.

“Yeah, as a thank you for earlier!” You practically yelled in his face. Your level of drunk could always be measured by the volume of your words. You were a loud drunk, for certain. Josh laughed at you.

“I think it’s time to get you home, mama.” He said, placing a hand on your hip as you tumbled into him. For once, the nickname sounded nice on his lips. His smile wasn’t irritating, and his hand felt fantastic on you. You weren’t sure what had come over you. Something changed while he was gone.

“Only if I’m going home with you.” You batted your eyelashes at him. You had no idea what you were saying, and you sure as hell would regret it in the morning. Josh gave you a questioning look, but clearly whatever you said had affected him greatly. His hand on your hip tightened a little bit and his breathing sped. “What? You are my boyfriend after all,” you giggled, trying to make light of the earlier situation.

“God, I wish,” he mumbled under his breath. You didn’t catch it, your inhibitions greatly diminished. He was grateful for it, not sure if he was ready to admit that proclamation yet.

“You look good too, Josh. I wanted to say it earlier, but, you know…” you trailed off. He didn’t know, but he didn’t question it, too scared that the moment of intimacy would end. His fingers grabbed at the fabric of your dress, pulling you closer to him. Your faces were inches apart. He could smell the vodka off your breath. Your chest was almost fully pressed against him. You were both quite intoxicated, not really understanding that you were on full display in front of everyone. Sam was watching everything, mouth agape in shock. He was quite aware of your usual disdain for his brother, not understanding what was happening. Jake had a smirk on his lips, always knowing it was bound to happen eventually.

“Thank you,” He whispered, voice sounding a bit strained, not breaking eye contact with you once. You took a long gulp of your drink, feeling the liquid courage coursing through your veins. Your skin was on fire with a feeling you’d never felt before. Sure, you’d had a fling or two, a short term relationship here and there, but you’d never felt desire quite like this. Seeing Josh angry had sparked a fire in you. It showed you he was much more complex than he let on. You two stayed in that position, not sure how to continue on from there.

“So are you going to take me home, Joshua?” You leaned in, whispering in his ear. He sprung to action in an instant, pulling his jacket off the back of his chair and ushering you out the door. Sam shared a look with his brothers, a silent protest, wondering if he should stop you.

“Leave them be, it’s been a long time coming,” Jake said.

“Okay, then.” Sam nodded. “Looks like we’re stuck with the tab and nowhere to go for a while.”

•

You practically fell through the door of your apartment, hanging on to Josh for dear life. His hands were exploring your body as you led him to your bedroom, wanting to become familiar with every curve. He kicked the door shut behind him, pushing you back onto your mattress. He stood for a moment, heart pounding in anticipation.

You reached out for him, grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him on top of you. Your mouths met for the first time, coming together with a neediness you couldn’t comprehend. It was messy, your teeth clashed into his a few times but you were far too invested in the moment to care. Your hands found the hem of his shirt, feeling the soft skin that lie beneath. You hastily pulled it over his head, finally taking a good look at him.

Your distaste for his loud personality seemed to overshadow how attractive he really was. Your mouth was practically watering at the sight of him, more exposed than you’d ever really seen him. His eyes were dark with a look never shared from him before. You never wanted it to go away. “Can I?” He asked, tugging at the bottom of your dress. You gave an overly-eager nod, too desperate to chastise him for his politeness. He slipped his hands under, lifting the tight skirt up to your stomach, letting out a guttural groan at the sight before pulling it off completely. “Fuck, mama.” He said, running his fingertips over the smooth skin of your stomach. His hands found your breasts in a second, quickly leaning down to pull your nipple in his mouth. He let his tongue flick over it, biting down softly after, causing a sharp gasp to break from you. You felt him smile against you.

“You like what you see?” You managed to stutter out. He pulled back, eyes raking over you again.

“You have no idea.” He said lowly, causing a knot to form in your stomach. You reached over and unbuttoned his jeans, hastily trying to get him out of them. You wanted him. No, you needed him. He stood, shimmying out of them and discarding them somewhere on the floor. He took no time in resuming the position on top of you. “So beautiful,” he mumbled, his lips meeting the sensitive skin on your neck. You were aching, desperate for his touch. Your fingers knotted in his hair at the nape of his neck. His hand found your hip once more, gripping it with a strength that made your heart flutter. “Can’t believe this is all for me.” His fingers dipped into your panties, running his fingers through your arousal. Your hips bucked upwards off the bed to meet his touch.

The pornographic moan that slipped from your mouth when his hand fully connected with your cunt sent a shiver up his spine. “Please, Josh.” You begged.

“Please, what?” He teased, his fingers lightly brushing over the bundle of nerves you’d so desperately wanted him to touch.

“Touch me, please. I need it.” You realized how desperate you sounded, but any sense shame was long gone.

“Well, since you asked so nicely.” He whispered. The feeling of his body hovering over you, trapping you down to the bed, was overwhelming. When his finger dipped into you, you could’ve come undone on the spot. “God, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted this.” He said before connecting your mouths again. His fingers pumped into you at an agonizingly slow pace, the pad of his thumb brushing against your clit with every movement of his hand. He was driving you crazy.

He pulled his hand away just as you felt yourself reaching a climax. You whimpered at the loss of contact, eyes pleading with him to continue. “As pretty as you look begging for me to touch you, I’m not done with you yet.” He said, dipping his finger into his mouth to taste the wetness. He let out a soft moan as he pulled his finger from his mouth. You were throbbing, unsure how Josh had found this power over you seemingly overnight, unsure how he was this hot and you’d never noticed it before. He took one more look over your exposed body before hooking his fingers in your panties and pulling them off you completely. He kissed down your stomach, letting his lips linger just below your bellybutton.

His fingers slipped inside you once again, eliciting a hiss of pleasure from you. He resumed his pace from earlier, now letting his tongue slip over your increasingly sensitive clit. Your hands found his hair, pulling at the ends of it, completely lost in pleasure. Your hips rose from the bed, desperate for more. “That’s it, mama.” He mumbled against you, driving you crazy. “Can you cum for me?” He asked.

“Please don’t stop, Josh.” You begged, your breathing ragged.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” He breathed against you. He curled his fingers upward and gave another flick of his tongue, pushing you over the edge. You clenched against his hand, slurring out a string of profanities mixed in with you crying his name. He watched you longingly as you rode out your orgasm, slowly tapering off his pace. “You make my name sound so pretty, baby.” He said pulling his boxers off and throwing them with the other discarded clothes. You admired him in the moonlight, noticing he was much larger than anyone you’d been with before.

He barely gave you time to recover before he lined himself up with your entrance. He slowly thrusted into you, giving you time to adjust. You were having none of it, pushing yourself down on him and gasping when he filled you up. His eyes fluttered closed, revelling in the feeling for only a moment before he began fucking you. He started slow, but your whimpers only fuelled him further. He reached back with his hands and grabbed your knees, pushing them into your chest. You let out a yelp when he pushed himself back into you, his tip brushing against your cervix. His movement stuttered, the look of lust quickly turning into concern. “You okay?” He asked, searching your eyes for an answer.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Please keep going.” You begged. It took him no time to resume, thrusting into you at a brutal pace. “Fuck, Josh!” You moaned. The sounds coming out of him were delicious. You felt your orgasm creeping up on you again.

“Fuck, you feel so good.” He growled, looking down at your pleasure-ridden expression. “Look so pretty wrapped around me like this.” Your moans were desperate, never having felt this way before. You had no idea sex could be this enjoyable. You had no idea sex with Josh could be enjoyable, period.

“M’ gonna cum, Josh.” You rushed out. He let one of your legs drop back to the bed, reaching his thumb back down to swirl around your clit once more.

“Come on, Mama. Cum on my cock.” He spat. The authority in his tone was heavenly. The words alone were enough to send you over the edge, but the added sensation of the circles he’d been rubbing over your most sensitive spot sent you spiralling, clenching around him and crying out his name.

You were fucked-out; ready to be nurtured, but he wasn’t done. He slipped his arm under your ass, pulling you even closer to him. The new angle caused a new wave of pleasure to hit you. He let your other leg drop, now bringing his hand to pinch one of your nipples between his fingers. You bucked against him, unwillingly but desperately searching for another orgasm. When you met his face again, he was almost smirking at your reaction. “Can you give me one more?” He pleaded. Sweat was dripping off him, showcasing how hard he was working to give you a good time. You could tell how hard it was for him to hold back, to pause his orgasm to ensure you were satisfied. He hadn’t faltered once, needing this just as bad as you did. You managed to give him a nod. “One more, baby, you can do it.”

You were sure the neighbours woke up from the scream that tore out of you as your third orgasm took over. Your legs were shaking, your head was spinning, and the only words you could muster were his name. His hips stuttered, pausing when he bottomed out inside you. He let out a long moan as he spilled his release into you. You two stayed still, scared to move, unsure if what had just happened was real, or some sick dream.

Eventually, he pulled out slowly, causing you to sigh at the sudden emptiness. He stood and disappeared, coming back with something to wipe you clean. He collapsed back in bed beside you once he was finished, pulling you into him. You hummed at the warmth of his body, basking in the intimacy. He placed kisses over the back of your neck and shoulders, a silent thank you for the best night of his life.

“So about that boyfriend thing,” he finally spoke, humour laced in his words. You let out a soft giggle. It wasn’t long before you both drifted into sleep.

•

You woke with a startle, your phone ringing angrily from somewhere in your room. Your head was pounding and your stomach was churning. Your eyes fought hard to locate where the sound was coming from. The scattered clothes around the room took you with a shock, but not as big as the shock when you realized someone was wrapped around you. Your stomach dropped as the memories from the night prior flooded your brain. Pushing the dread away, you continued your search for your cell phone. You didn’t have time to worry about him, yet. Silently slipping out of Josh’s grasp, you tried your best not to wake him.

You were still naked, and very sore. As much as you may have regretted what happened, the thought of Josh between your legs sent a rush of emotion to the pit of your stomach. As annoying as he was, he was damn good in bed. You finally found your phone under your discarded dress, realizing you must have dropped it in the rush of last night, but by the time you picked it up it had stopped ringing. The moonlight cascaded through the bedroom window, letting you know that it wasn’t quite morning yet. Fear settled in your stomach at the realization whoever was calling probably didn’t have very good news.

You grabbed Josh’s t-shirt and threw it over your head, checking the screen of your phone to see you had multiple missed calls from your grandmother. The same fear from before seeped into your veins as you stepped into the hallway to call her back. The phone barely rang before she answered. “Nana?” You whispered, praying it was her that answered the phone.

“Hey, pumpkin,” She greeted back. You let out a sigh of relief.

“What are you doing up? It’s..” you pulled the phone away to look at your screen “like five in the morning, there.” You stated.

“It’s your mom.” You could practically hear her grimace through the phone. The panic you had before grew even larger, but a new found anger came with it. Your mother had never been your favourite person. She’d had you when she was quite young and left as soon as she could. She had no shame in sticking her responsibilities on your grandmother, who’d never once treated you like you weren’t her own daughter. The last you’d heard from your mom was when she showed up for your university graduation, high on whatever drugs she’d taken before the ceremony, and embarrassed you for the millionth time.

“Uh-huh,” you said, not certain about what she would tell you next.

“She’s sick again, I’m at the hospital now.” Sick was subject. Your grandmother never liked to admit that your mother was an addict. You always presumed that it hurt her to do so, knowing that she felt like she’d failed your mom.

“Should I come home?” Was all you asked.

“I think so, pumpkin.” The sadness dripping from her tone was more than enough of an answer.

“Okay,” you whispered. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.” You didn’t give her time to respond before you hung up. You went back into your room, barely glancing at the sleeping boy in your bed. You pulled a new pair of underwear on and some sweatpants, not immediately recognizing them as your own. You concluded that they must have belonged to one of your roommates, as you had to cuff them a few times just to make them the right length for your legs. ‘Lanky bastards’ you thought to yourself.

You grabbed a backpack, shoving the necessities in it, being unable to process a single thought. You were so angry at your mother. It had been a whole lifetime of broken promises, lies, and embarrassment. Multiple hospital stays and near death experiences that brought everyone to her bedside, just for her to recover and disappear again. Asking for money, begging for a place to stay, but barely ever an ‘i love you’, a thank you, or even the common decency to tell you who your father was. You hated her, hoping deep down that maybe this would be the last time, that it would all just be over, but you felt dirty for even thinking that.

A sob left your mouth as you pulled your hair back into a messy bun. You tried your best to stay silent as you pulled out your laptop out and searched for the next flight back to Michigan. You pulled your knees to your chest as you scavenged through the ticket sales, crying into the worn fabric of your pants. You found one leaving later that morning. By pure luck, you managed to get a ticket. You were unsure if you should buy a second, thinking maybe you could ask Sam or Danny to come with you. You bought it just in case you wanted company, not caring about the wasted money if you chose to go alone.

“Y/n?” A sleep-laced voice broke you from your thoughts. ‘Fuck’ you thought to yourself, wiping away your tears. “What’s going on?” Josh asked, rubbing his eyes, making a move to sit up. You refused to look at him, trying to transfer the plane tickets from your browser to your phone.

“Nothing, Josh. Go back to sleep.” You snapped, words as cold as ice. He had to stop himself from recoiling at your tone. He’d hoped that maybe after last nights events you’d finally warm up to him a bit more. He knew you held some sort of disdain for him, but he wasn’t certain why.

“Are you crying?” He ignored your statement, now standing to come over to you. He pulled on his boxers, covering himself up.

“No.” A grand lie. “Everything is fine, Josh. Just go back to sleep.” You sighed. His eyes fell on your computer screen.

“You’re going back home?” He questioned. “Today?” His heart dropped, hoping that he didn’t cause whatever you were feeling in that moment. When you didn’t answer, his anxiety grew even larger. “Did I do something?”

“No!” You finally broke, more tears falling from your eyes. “It’s my fucking mother, again!” You slammed your laptop shut, finally pulling the boarding pass up on your phone. “Just when things are going okay, when I think that maybe she’s done ruining my life, something else happens.” You choked out. Josh crouched to be eye level with you, now wide awake. “She’s in the hospital again. My grandmother says it’s not good, but they say that every time, and she always manages to bounce back. Makes everyone drop everything to run to her side, then fucking gets up and leaves and we don’t hear from her until she needs something or ends up back in the ICU!” You were pulling at your hair as you spoke, so distraught you didn’t even realize what you were saying.

Josh knew that whatever was happening was serious. Very rarely did you ever willingly tell anyone about your mother, or even really speak about her at all. He knew that you hated her, and that she was never around, but that was about it. He didn’t even know her name. As much as you were hurting, he felt his heart soften at the fact you were willing to share your troubles with him. “You know, I don’t even know where she lives, Josh. I’ve never been to my mothers house. I don’t know if she has a boyfriend, or if I have any siblings she abandoned with somebody else, or if she lives on the fucking street, or what. I don’t know her, at all.” A scoff fell from your lips as you finished. “The only time she bothers to call me is when she needs money, or somewhere to crash for the night. I don’t even have her phone number saved, because it’s a new one every time she calls.” You cried. “I was hoping when I moved here I could get away from it but she’s always going to ruin my life!”

“Mama, just take a breath-“

“I don’t even remember the last time she said she loved me. I’m tired of uprooting my entire life every time she decides to fuck up again. I don’t even want to go, but I’d feel too guilty if this time she finally decides to kick the bucket. Knowing my luck, that’s what would happen! Then I’d be the bad guy because I wouldn’t be there, that I refused to see my mother when before she died!” You were practically screaming the words. If the others hadn’t been so drunk when they returned, they likely would have woken up to your breakdown.

“Y/n,” Josh started, desperate for your attention. He was panicking. You finally looked up to meet his eyes. He took your cheeks in his hands, wiping away stray tears with his thumbs. “Baby, it’s going to be okay. I promise, everything is going to be fine. Your mom is gonna pull through, and maybe things will be different this time.” You recoiled at his statement, pushing him away from you.

“Jesus Christ, Josh!” You were furious. “Enough with the fucking positive vibes and the optimism. I cannot deal with that right now. My mother sucks, the situation is terrible, and it’s never going to change until she finally fucking dies!” You yelled. Your head was searing with a migraine and you felt like you could throw up. “I don’t understand how you always have a smile on your face, how things never go wrong for you, o-or how you always try to see the bright side of things. Sometimes, things are just shitty, and there’s nothing you can do about it!” You stood, wanting to get your bag packed and out of his company as fast as you could.

“Mama, I’m sorry, I didn’t-“

“And quit it with the pet names!” You snapped, tearing your phone charger out of the wall. “We fucked, that’s it. It was a drunken mistake and it will never happen again.” Josh tried to reason with himself, wanting to believe your harsh words were only because you were upset, but it felt like you had stabbed him. “I don’t understand why you’re so concerned about me. You cannot begin to understand what this feels like. I don’t think you’ve ever been anything other than happy; you have no idea what I’m going through right now. You try and console me and tell me that she’ll be okay, and it’ll all work out. Maybe I don’t want it to, maybe I just want her to fucking die, so I can leave and run away and start over. I just want to live a life that she has nothing to do with.” He was beginning to get angry now, too. “God, you always do this. You always make me feel like I’m an idiot for being upset!”

“Why I’m so concerned about you?” He shot back. “Are you that fucking blind?” You paused, unsure how to react to his words. You turned to look at him, finally willing to give him your attention. Something about Josh snapping made you realize that you might have overstepped. “I don’t know if you’ve realized, but I care about you, a lot. You keep shitting on me because I’m ‘always happy’ and you’ve ‘never seen me frown’ but have you ever thought about why that is?” He asked, taking a step closer to you. He took your face in his hands again, forcing you to keep eye contact with him, not even allowing you to ignore him anymore. “I am in love with you, and maybe the reason you’ve never seen me upset is because I am always happy to be around you!” You were frozen, feeling like your heart was going to explode out of your chest. “I hate seeing you sad. It kills me. So yeah, I always throw out something optimistic because I want nothing more than to make you feel better. I’m not doing it to make you feel like shit.”

Your chest ached at his words, feeling like the worst person in the world for misjudging him so badly. “Did last night really mean nothing to you?” His voice broke as he asked. In turn, it shattered your heart.

“No, of course it didn’t.” You reached up to run your thumb over his cheek, wanting to take back every mean thing you had said. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m scared, and I’m hurting, and I don’t know what to do or where to go. I know it’s not an excuse, but I had no idea that you felt like that for so long.” You took a breath, searching for something in his eyes that would make you feel better like it always did. “I don’t hate you, Josh. I could never hate you. You absolutely piss me off sometimes, but I don’t know… last night when you stood up for me like that, something changed. Seeing you doing something other than smiling, hearing you say words that weren’t dripping with optimism, I dont know… made me realize that there was more to you than I ever really noticed. That you were more than this ray of sunshine in an untouchable bubble.” You had to laugh for a moment at your own words. His hands dropped from your face and grabbed you by your waist, pulling you into him. He kissed you again, gentle and more meaningful than the ones you’d shared the night before. You never wanted it to end. When he pulled away you had to stop yourself from pulling him back in.

“It scares me, Josh. Im terrified. We’ve always been so different that I never could have imagined we’d end up here, but now we are, and I don’t mind it.” You admitted. “I don’t know how to let people help me. I’m always defensive and closed off; I know I’m grumpy almost all of the time, and I wish I wasn’t, but my life has never been that nice to me. Im still waiting for the day Sammy or Danny will tell me they don’t want me here anymore. I’m not used to good things lasting, and I’m so scared that if anything happens, I’ll lose all of you. Hell, everything is fine and I’m still always scared I’m going to lose you guys.” You confessed. His eyes softened.

“You could never lose us.” He soothed your worry. “You could never lose me, that’s for sure.” He said, pulling you into his chest. You rested there for a moment, feeing at peace in all of the chaos. “All I ever wanted to do was make you happy. I still want that, if you’ll let me.”

“I’m so scared, Josh.” You whispered, reiterating what you had told him earlier. You were terrified, but also painstakingly curious about what it would be like. You wanted to know what it was like to love him, and to be loved by him. Really, genuinely loved. You wanted to know him, the little things that you’d always overlooked. You found yourself yearning to be held by him, for some sort of comfort. For once, you weren’t annoyed at the thought of his optimistic words, you almost wanted him to say them, to soothe you with them. “I’m terrified of everything right now. I don’t even know what to do.”

“Just let me be here, then. Let me help you through it.”

“Okay,” you whispered. His hands were burning into you. You could feel the emotion radiating through his skin. “I think that you already make me happy.” You told him. He pulled you tighter to him, if it was even possible. “I mean, I’ve been with people, but I’ve never felt anything like I did last night. Even now, when everything feels like it’s falling apart, you’re with me and it doesn’t feel hopeless like it always does.” He placed his lips to the top of your head. You closed your eyes, breathing in his scent. The cologne he put on last night was still lingering on him.

“What time does your flight leave, mama?” He whispered.

“Eleven.” You answered, not daring to open your eyes or move away from him.

“Think I can still get a seat beside you?” He asked. You looked up at him, tears starting again. As if you already knew how this would end up, you remembered the second ticket you’d bought. Still, you felt guilty asking him to do something like that for you.

“You don’t have to do that.” You shook your head. “It’s too much.”

“I want to.” He assured you, tucking your stray hairs behind your ear. “What kind of guy would I be if I let my girl deal with something like this all by herself?” You heart fluttered at his words, swelling with affection. You never wanted anyone to be a part of your mess. You wouldn’t even talk to Sam about it. Danny pried bits and pieces of your troubles from you, but never enough to know the full story. But with Josh in front of you, touching you with so delicately, saying the words you always wanted to hear from somebody, you couldn’t help yourself. You wanted him to come with you, even if it was selfish.

“Okay.” You agreed.

“You sure you’re okay with this?” He asked, his thumb and forefinger bringing you chin up to look at him. You nodded. “Then I’m all in. I’ll be here until the day you don’t want me here anymore, Mama. I promise.”

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leejenowrld · 4 months

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For jeno and yn

What's a quirky habit your partner has that you secretly adore?

Describe each other in three words

What's your favorite thing about your partner's personality?

What's a small, everyday gesture that means a lot to you?

What's a goal you're currently working towards as a couple?

What's a pet peeve you've learned to accept about each other?

jeno - she calls me baby and jeno the most but she’ll say “no no” really cutely when she wants something from me that she knows, otherwise that i’ll say no to. she has me wrapped around her little finger.

yn - he has the power of being able to tear open my bra straps with his teeth. half the time he doesn’t even use his hands. he also tears off my lingerie and pajamas with his teeth. he can do a lot of stuff with his teeth, when he wants my attention he shows me how he opens a beer cap with his teeth… it always ends with me all over him

jeno - enchanting, breathtaking, enduring

yn - radiant, magnetic, serene

jeno - there’s a lot. to save time i’ll list one. i love how emotionally mature and understanding she is. we avoid a lot of arguments and miscommunication solely because we both are on the same emotional maturity level and on the same wave length. she’s very chill, just being in the same room as her has a soothing effect on my heart. she’s definitely calmed me down and kept me grounded.

yn - he has the ability to always make me smile. through his acts of service for me, the way he shows me his love. he cooks for me, helps me in the gym, always takes care of me and my health, always keeps me hydrated and fed, does my errands for me. having a man care about me as much as he does is so attractive. his sense of humor stands out to me a lot too. he doesn’t seem like the funny guy but he has me cracking up so much. being with someone who makes me smile dsy after day is so important to me. he helps me through a lot of stormy days.

jeno - i have a problem with my muscles and joints, they go sore and acne a lot. without me even telling her, she knows when i’m in pain and she takes action by massaging me and putting joint gel all over me. her soft hands and warmth make me fold

yn - like i said before, he always takes care of me. always makes sure i’m hydrated and fed, does a lot of my chores and errands while telling me to rest and running me a hot bath. he’s a sweetheart. also the aftercare he gives me after sex :o

yn - were serious about our future, we’re currently saving a lot to hopefully buy our first house together. yes, house. we work hard and we aim high, we have big expectations and want to make this a family home. we even have a shared banking account

jeno - [whiskers to the audience whilst yn isn’t in the room] she doesn’t know that i’m building her a house, her dream house. we have a lot of goals, move in together, get married, have kids, travel the world. we’re getting there. we’ve already started our travelling goals, we’ve been to 15 different countries together and we’re booking holidays so frequently.

jeno - she’s a very expressive sleeper. she snores, moans, talks, giggles, drools in her sleep. she’s such a deep sleeper too, it’s difficult to wake her up when she needs to get up

yn - jeno’s just rude, lmao. he’s straightforward to a lot of people and he can come across as quite passive aggressive and direct. he’s completely different with me though, the “hates everyone in the world but you” is how he feels about me

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ellievickstar · 1 year

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Final Choice

A/N: So, I saw your guys making up ideas for this part…I must say. Some were happy, some just wanted Azriel to suffer…which one did I go with? Well…read to find out :) Also the beginning of this fic is in Rhys’s POV since Azzy and our dearest Y/N are kind unconscious

Summary: When then mating bond finally snaps into place, what are you meant to do when you realise your mate has another in his heart, will you break it off to save yourself, or will your mate be able to save this heartbreak?

Request: N/A

Pairing: Azriel x Witch!Reader

Warnings: Self-hate. Mostly written in Rhys's POV I thought it would be funny to see his monologue of things. confessions. Heartache.

~*~*~*~*~

Rhys’s POV

This was…unexpected. Not that it wasn’t out of character for Azriel or Y/N to end up sabotaging themselves instead of talking through their issues like normal adult faeries or witches. I shook my head as Nesta helped to break the shield around Y/N. Thankfully, for that spell to work, the witch casting it had to be able to stay awake the whole time, if not, the safety measure — that had been weaved into the ritual by Y/N’s mother — would kick in and stop all magic completely.

Both were alive and I breathed out a sigh of exasperation. Couldn’t they have waited until the morning to do something so extreme? I was pretty sure I was still hungover from drinking with Cassian and Azriel to distract one from worrying over the fact his mate hadn’t come home. He could feel her alive and well across the bond, but I suspected she needed space, so we made sure we drank him into literal oblivion.

If only I had known this was what she was doing….

I shook my head. No, this wasn’t my fault. Feyre had already been telling me to stop blaming myself for everything that happened to our friends, but hell, if I had let Azriel go after her then maybe they’d work through their feelings, if I had ordered him away from Elain when I first suspected that he was starting to hurt Y/N, maybe things would be different.

I heard my mate come up behind me, she glanced at the pair, shaking her head disappointed. it reminded me of my mother when she caught me trying to sneak out for a flight around Moonstone palace. Wrapping a wing around Feyre, I pulled her closer to me, making sure to drape an arm around her waist.

“Nyx is asleep again, he had quite a fright from all the screaming, but he’s alright now,” She murmured. I hummed as I watched Madja — her eyes looked as if she was going to kill both witch and Illyrian once they awoke — with the help of Nesta and Cassian, drag both unconscious bodies to separate rooms.

“Azriel is…a dumbass,” Amren said from beside us, Varian nodding from beside her. I had no clue where the latter had come from, but it was anyone’s guess what the two had been up to when the events earlier transpired. Feyre agreed with Amren, but I had a small inkling that she was being biased towards the witch she considered a sister. Smiling to myself, I let go of Feyre if only to pick up the worn out leather book that had been beside the symbol-spell-ritual, whatever the witches called it.

Flipping through the pages, I noted that there was no name on the book, but I was sure that this was a diary. There were personal accounts of someone’s life, while a few pages here and there were sketches of spells or instructions on witch magic. That’s when I came across a familiar name. This entry said:

‘Y/N is only five now. But, I can sense the war is coming…soon. I don’t know if I will survive. My Magic is growing weaker, Y/N is feeding off of it, but who could blame her? Especially…when she’s more powerful then any other witch in history. I don’t quite remember what her father was…but his name. I will never forget his name. My love. I miss my lover.

So this was her mother’s diary. Interesting indeed. I hummed carefully as I closed the book, all the information I needed was inside. All I needed to do now was get a hold of that sand that was used in Y/N’s rituals. “Feyre darling, how would you like to speak to the dead?”

~*~*~*~*~

Y/N’s POV

“Why do you love him, Y/N?” You closed your eyes as the question rang through you. “In all of my lonely nights, when I was a ghost inside, he was there for me. Whenever I drank too much, whenever my eyes cried floods, he would be there for me, he’d listen. He made my demons go away, he would clear the darkness, he was there for me. He was there when I lost faith, he was there through every heartbreak. And I’d do the same for him,” You admitted.

Your ancestor smiled at you. “My dearest child, you can’t see it can you?” “See what? I love him. I love him I love him I love him. But I don’t understand if he loves me? When I look at him and her I can’t help but wonder ‘what about us’? what about all the times we spent together? What about all the times he said he would have the answer for me? What about all the moments we shared, what about all the disastrous pranks, plating footsie under the table, laughing together under the night sky during Starfall? What about love? What about trust, what about us?” Tears began to fill your eyes. You didn’t understand anymore. You were so sure that breaking the mating bond was the answer, but when you did you felt it, that love for you, but you also felt that love he had for her. Her.

You couldn’t put it into words. How you felt that roar of love for you, but there was that spark, there was something that kept him from loving your completely. And you didn’t understand. What happened to promises of forever, what happened to ‘whatever end’? What happened to the both of you. You wanted to cry, you wanted to scream at him, wanted to let this pain, this confusion out. You couldn’t help but feel so alone. What happened to the times you stuck around with him even when everyone blamed him for something went wrong. What happened to the times you would listen to him for hours as he croie down because of nightmares? What happened to the times you’d soothe him, even if it was the latest hours?

Your heart was breaking and there was nothing you could do about it. You had no way of knowing whether he truly loved you. How could you believe anything he said? After all the times you had to watch as he fell over himself because of Morrigan. After all the times he practically ogled at the youngest Archeron. Would there ever be a day you would find piece within your relationship? Your heart was bleeding and no amount of stitches or bandaids could stop it. You bit the back of you closed fist as you sobbed. “I can’t do this anymore…please,”

“I will always be here for you, you may summon me whenever you wish, not just in your dreams, child. But even if there are times you can’t bring yourself to call me, just look to the moon. It will shine the same wherever you are, and I’ll be here as you search for the light,” She bent to your height as she gently took your hands. Her fingers lightly brushed against your cheeks. “It doesn’t matter what he decides, in the end, you are still the most powerful queen of witches there has ever been,” You nodded, but something in you wanted to know more. But before you could ask anything, she had already disappeared, leaving you alone in the endless darkness of your own mind.

~*~*~*~*~

Rhys’s POV

Getting ahold of the sand as a fae, was hard. We visited six different merchants all selling witch’s tools before finally we met a merchant that could sell us the sand. Feyre had gasped when she hear the price, but to me it felt like I had barely scratched the surface of my account, Feyre called me entitled when I said that to her. (A/N: we love rich Rhys)

Okay…so the book says to pour the sand on the ground in this shape. Feyre held out a hand and I was confused at first before she rolled her eyes and said, “You’ll get it wrong, plus, I paint, so I have steadier hands then you,” I wanted to scoff but she was right. She was better suited doing this. Especially with those hands that were basically built for painting and good artwork.

After the...spell? Ritual? Magic Shape? - I'll have to ask Y/N - was complete, I opened the diary and chanted the words that was written. Light magic seemed to burst from the sand was it began to glow. Feyre squinted her eyes against te bright light while poor me had to keep on reading the book.

And as the light finally began to dull down I looked up, and smiled.

"Your majesty," I purred as I bowed to the hooded figure before me. Feyre looked confused at first, but as the woman lifted her head and smiled down at us, she froze and curtsied.

"No need for that High Lord and Lady of the Night Court, though, I did wonder when you would finally call. It seems my daughter has gotten into a bit of trouble, hasn't she?" I nodded, rising to face her. She was as elegant as I remember, clad in white as flowers were weaved through her thick curls. Unlike Y/N's near-straight brown hair, hers was dark and black as a crow's feathers. She held her head high with an air of grace as her crown signalled to all who she truly was, the hood she had previously cloaked herself with melting away.

The late Queen of Witches. Y/N's mother.

"Well to be quite clear, your daughter is an absolute joy and she will make a wonderful king. But unfortunately, we do have a few questions, concerning the spell that breaks the mating bond," She nodded, wanting me to continue. "I can sense it...I can still smell the connection between them and even as they shut me out of their minds their souls still seemed to be intertwined. So if that spell didn't break the bond, what exactly did it do?"

She hummed, considering my question carefully, thinking silently to herself before nodding as if agreeing to something. "I cannot tell you much, High Lord, but what I can tell you, is that what is that both of them are the key to what holds them back. Not one, but both," I wanted to ask her more. Beg her for answers if it meant saving my two friends, but without a word she had vanished, the spell had given out. I had no skill of my own to be able to maintain the line of communication between us and the afterlife, I couldn't redo the spell. I didn't know how to save my friends from themselves.

~*~*~*~*~

Y/N POV

Blinking away the darkness you were greeted to a warm sight, with shadows creeping across the ceiling, and a shadow singer sitting close to your bed, his arms crossed, fury was clear as day, stricken across his face.

"Why would you do that?" you sat up, trying to understand his question. All you remembered was the pain...the ritual...the mating bond! You reached out to that tether you used to feel and as I realised it was still there my heart sank. "I- I didn't think you truly wanted me as a mate," You blurted out as you silently arose from your bed.

"What must I do to make you understand? I want to be with you!" He tried to approach you, but you raised a hand and he stopped. "Why? Because of this- this cauldron forsaken mating bond? Because you feel some nobility some honour saying that you chose to be with your mate!? You didn't even want to be with me. Even before, you were going to leave me, now the only difference is that your soul is bound to me and even then everything you do is just-" He let go of an exasperated breath as he listened to you rattle on.

"What can I do? I told you I love you but it seems everything I do is some scheme or because I feel pity for you. Have I hurt you so much that you cannot bring yourself to believe that every single thing I do is insincere," He paused, breathing heavily as he stepped towards you. "I don't know what else to say, what to do. I'm sorry. I love you. I wish I could take everything back. But don't walk away from me. Hit me, tear me apart, give me new scares to carry the shame for the rest of my life. Break my heart, break it a thousand times over, it was only yours to break anyways. But stay with me. Please," You didn't know what to do, and as his hands finally reached you, red hot magic seemed to burn between you as you gasped and he hissed, pulling away.

What in the name of the mother? You blinked as the red print of magic from his had seemed to fade away slowly from my skin. That was...how. Looking back at Azriel you tried to recall what you had read about the ritual. When it failed it would create a shield between both mates so that the ritual would not be tried again. The only way to break this spell was...you shook your head and sobbed into the back of your fist as you made a terrible realisation.

"The book- 'This wall shall only be destroyed if both souls accept their own and each others truest emotions for each other. Only then will they come together.'" Tears streamed down your face, you had been so stupid. So, so stupid. And now it was hurting Azriel. You felt so stupid, and angry.

You tried to sit back down, but you completely missed the bed and tumbled to the floor, Azriel unable to do anything as he stared at his own hands, shock still written in his features.

This was bad.

"I see you both have finally awoken. And now we know what the little spell did," Rhysand spoke up. You whipped your head to the door and there he stood. Feyre smiling as she waved to you, happy that you hadn't killed yourself on accident yet. "The spell shouldn't exist. I have accepted that Azriel will never love me, and he has accepted that I will always love him, even if it tears me apart inside, even if it has nearly killed me...several times," You said. Azriel shook his head as he buried his face in his hands, and Rhys seemed to frown.

The High Lord and High Lady said nothing in response, only opting to pat Azriel on the back as they left. You didn't understand. You had to be right. There was no way that Azriel loved you, right?

No. These hopeful thoughts would only harm you. You mustn't think too much of what ifs. That's when Azriel finally spoke. "I swear to you, I will spend the rest of my time here making up for everything I did. I can't excuse how I've hurt you, but I will try to fix this. I will court you how I should have, love you until you can see, and I will wait for you, everyday," Gazing up into his brown eyes, ones that were usually piercing and intimidating now soft and sincere. You smiled as a small piece of you heart began to believe that maybe, this could be real, allowing you to make, this final choice.

"Okay."

~*~*~*~*~

A/N: I decided to stop torturing you guys. I love all of you <3333 my bestest babes. I will be doing bonuses if anyone has any requests, but this marks the end of the choice series. I know this is abit rushed but it's been dragged on for so long and I didn't want the series to be long either. Also because I think you guys kinda deserve a happy ending. I love you <33

taglist: @azriels-mate123 @penguinsworldsblog @hannahx1111 @jacksonpleasestopkillingme @positivewitch @happyseadreams @fuckthatfeeling @meritxellao @xiangping-28 @clarkie-carmody-blog @aroseinvelaris @azrielhours @shadowsinger-654 @azzydaddy @nisa-wisa @cosmic-whispers @cat-or-kitten @thecraziestcrayon @thegirlintheshadows101 @marina468 @act1839 @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @holywolfsstuff @gengen64 @goldenmagnolias @tobifeemo @readerworld22 @cyrygher @shisingh @txzii @antisentimentalus @t0uch-starved-h0e

(If your user is in bold I could not tag you, sorry T^T if you want to be tagged please specify in the replies <3)

#Azriel shadowsinger #acotar #acotar fandom #acosf #a court of silver flames #azriel shadowsinger #a court of mist and fury #azriel #azriel angst #azriel x reader #rhysand #azriel fluff #azriel x you #azriel imagine #azriel acotar #acotar fanfiction #feyre acotar

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babacontainsmultitudes · 8 months

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As some of you already know, I am disheartened- though certainly not surprised- by the recent backlash against one Sparrow Oak Garcia for his recent transgression of *checks notes* having a mixed-to-negative opinion on zoos.

Part of me honestly feels a bit silly responding to any of this, but what are any of us here to do if not have opinions on fictional podcast characters. Anyways, I will get to the more important stuff, as obviously (if you've seen any of the criticisms I'm talking about) this ties back to Hero at the end of the day, but seeing as the first wave of hate I saw after the episode was largely to the effect of: "what the fuck does Sparrow have against zoos?", I would like to start by addressing that point briefly (and only briefly, as it's really not the sort of topic I care to discuss online), by saying that zoos and animal captivity more generally have a long history of being contested and criticized by animal rights activists, and that instances of animal abuse and neglect within zoos and other animal-based theme parks are anything but obscure. Furthermore, it feels worth noting that as of present less than 10% of zoos in the US are AZA-accredited. I say absolutely none of this with the intention of making any definitive statements on the nature of zoos, nor to judge people who do enjoy zoos, nor even to provide my own feelings on the matter. Rather, I offer this information only to explain that someone like Sparrow taking issue with something like zoos really isn't strange at all? And whether you agree with such a stance or not, it undoubtedly comes from a place of empathy. Moreover, I don't think we can honestly divorce Sparrow's take and compulsion to voice it from the metacontext that Sparrow is a character being played by Anthony Burch, you know, a vegan, who probably has his own views on the matter that may or may not differ from yours and mine.

Okay, on to more important matters. At the forefront of things I suppose is the assertion that Sparrow's behavior regarding Normal and the zoo and all that is hypocritical and perhaps even nonsensical in light of what Hero was going through at the time with her training. "He wouldn't take Normal to the zoo but he forced Hero to kill a deer with her bare hands?" Certainly the sort of statement that will elicit a strong emotive reaction from the fandom, but one that ultimately relies on a pretty major assumption, namely, that Sparrow acted as the primary organizer and perpetrator of Hero's training, one who supposedly felt no internal conflict towards the situation whatsoever, rather than instead serving as an enabler of it, who ultimately intervened but only after far too much damage was already done. Neither is a great thing to be, but there is absolutely a difference between both of these roles, and I think that Lark and Sparrow's respective behaviors over the course of the season point almost unanimously towards Sparrow being the latter and Lark the former.

(The above being a non-exhaustive list, of course)

The funny part about the whole zoo thing is that it only further corroborates the notion that Sparrow is someone who is sensitive to the suffering of others, and by extension only serves as more evidence that he most likely was not the one actively making Hero undergo the worst of what she had to do. Does this make him guiltless in the matter? Absolutely not, but it does point to Sparrow having issues that are fundamentally different from Lark's, and means that the instance with the zoo is not only consistent with Sparrow's characterization, but frankly not actually all that hypocritical if you look at it for more than a second. That is, there is a very important but simple difference between the situation with Normal and the zoo and that of Hero and the deer that accounts for the variances in Sparrow's behavior between both cases: Lark. Sparrow isn't okay with either situation, based on all the evidence we have so far of who he is as a person there is absolutely no reason to think that Hero's training is not something that deeply upset him- I mean for fuck's sake everything about how Sparrow raised Normal down to his name stems from not wanting his kids to have to live that kind of life. So why doesn't he put a stop to things sooner? Why does he let any of Hero's training happen at all? Again, very simply, because Sparrow cannot say no to his brother. I mean, he does eventually, given Hero's current status, and that change is an important and still ongoing facet of Sparrow's growth and his arc, but at the start of things it is something he struggles with even more than he does now, to his own suffering and detriment and of course even more so to Hero's. But did Sparrow himself "force Hero to kill a deer with her bare hands"? Almost certainly not, and I have to admit that I find it quite frustrating how quickly Lark vanishes from the collective conscious of the fandom when the time comes to assign accountability for matters concerning Hero. But then, who is Sparrow if not someone who takes the fall for his brother, apparently even in the fandom-space.

[Not that there isn't any nuance to Lark's utilitarianism, either. In general I feel as though discussion of the twins' biggest mistakes too often omits the acknowledgement of the fact that all of it has been to stop an eldritch horror responsible for the death and torture of millions of people, but anyways. Not what this post is about.]

I think that's mostly it lol. Got some thoughts on the family's policy on pets (and how it relates to the Hero thing but also to Beanie actually), as well as some remarks on Rebecca and how we really shouldn't be leaving her out of this discussion (I say, leaving her out of this discussion) but eeehhhhhhh y'all I'm especially low energy as of late eheh and mostly just wanted to speak my peace on a couple major things so let's cut it here for now I think :b

#dndads #meant to post this a bit sooner but sleep and anxiety have been very bad lately :( -not related to this stuff lol #dungeons and daddies #sparrow oak #sparrow oak garcia #also posting this at an awful time as I am one to do but eh what can you do #long post #dndads s2 ep 41 #baba babbles #<- remember when I said I would start using that talking tag then didn't????#hero oak #hero oak swallows garcia #normal oak #normal oak swallows garcia #names lmao gosh #lark oak #lark oak garcia #ask to tag #<- just in case given certain topics

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stuckinapril · 5 months

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how do i deal with social anxiety?

disclaimer that social anxiety is a spectrum, it comes in very different forms, and there’s no one size fits all for how to deal with it. this is just the perspective of a 21 year old girl who’s trying to get by as much as anyone else. it’s perfectly fine if my way doesn’t align with yours; the goal is to ultimately find ways that do align.

with that said!! it helped a lot to realize that most people genuinely don’t care. this is the spotlight effect—you think that everyone’s laser-focused on what you’re doing, when in reality no one’s keeping this elaborate tally of when you embarrass yourself, of when you fail at something, of how you carry yourself in general. life is hard and busy for most people, and even if they do find amusement in something you did, it’s the equivalent of looking at a funny tiktok and scrolling past it ten seconds later. just like you, most people are tangled in their own little cobweb of problems.

this is not to say that people who do obsess over other people don’t exist. they absolutely do. but their opinion should be virtually worthless to you, bc no well-rounded, emotionally intelligent person is going to be spending their free time voyeuristically hating on somebody else’s every move. if they do have that kind of time, they’re probably miserable people without much going for them, and misery loves company. the best way to respond to them is just to starve them of the attention they’re trying to evoke from you.

i really wish someone would’ve told me this in high school, bc for me high school was the peak of that kind of behavior. teenagers have not been alive for that long, so i think the concept that other people have emotions that are just as complex, just as valid, just as deserving of compassion as theirs are is pretty hard for most of them to grasp. and hell, some of them even age into adults who never outgrow the “my feelings inherently have more value than yours” “everyone else is an npc” “my impulses must be validated first and foremost” mentality. it’s like yes, you should prioritize yourself at the end of the day, but sometimes there’s more nuance to it than that & that shouldn’t just be disregarded in favor of instantaneous comfort.

also very important to note!! please don’t be hard on yourself on days where you backslide. the halcyon standard of never being afflicted w anxiety does not exist. i try to bounce back from things pretty quickly, but even i have days where i feel like shit, days where i’m anxious about what other people think, days where i’m not courageous enough to do something, days where i cry in the shower etc etc. the calmest person you know has had them. they also just tend to be the kind of person who doesn’t disclose them, so you get this larger than life aura from them that makes you think you’re defective in comparison. i promise that is not the case. you are human and it’s okay not to be perfect. the key is to hold yourself accountable and to try to do better next time.

whether you’re dealing with teenagers who’re yet to mature, adults who refuse to mature, or just anyone who’s being hostile towards you without a sane cause to be, just know it has everything to do w them and nothing to do w you. it may seem like it does, but it really doesn’t. behavior like this is without fail a manifestation of other people’s insecurities, as opposed to an actual statement about your worth as a person. as long as you’re rooted in who you are, it will never matter how other people perceive you.

#i rly hope this helps anon 🧸💕 i love u so #ask

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masc7scht · 19 days

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BTS file's -1

: allegedly for entertainment purposes only

Do i have the consent? Yes

💌What does BTS think about dating ban's?

Jin : he thinks its best for the artist but for a certain time , its fine when they are training or they just debuted but after 3 years it should be overlooked if the artist is dating or found someone .

Namjoon: he's not fond of it , thinks its stupid , he thinks artist should not be restricted of normal things , if you want us to write love songs then let us be open to that as well without fear . Thinks its stupid decision and in the long run it could frustrate the artist maybe a lot of older gen idols complaint about it as well . He feels as though its an artist right in short and its a decision of theirs rather than anyone else's.

Hobi : he kind of agrees that its better for the artist to take it slow and focus on their projects but he's also not very supportive of the idea , he feels as though they have to retire to properly date? Maybe he thinks connections are short lived this way .

Yoongi : he doesn't like it 😭 thats it like he hates it , he feels as though its hard to keep a connection when there's too many prying eyes waiting for the downfall. He might be very private and doesn't like to be questioned so thats that .

Jimin : he feels rebellious about this like he doesn't want to follow it at all , he's very frustrated with thos policy it seeems like bts policy was for 5 years or so ? Yeah he hates it , he has voice his opinion as well but thinks it goes unheard , he's someone very obedient, he's very easy to handle he's not much of a trouble maker so its kind of shocking for others to see jimin opposing it . Like he have strong opinions , he also is involved when the younger Artist is being held accountable like he plays the senior card ? In some way for instance: oh it happens , its not that Serious.

Taehyung: he feels sad about it at one point he didn't mind and was quite submissive towards it , but i feel like he was accused multiple times even when he was not dating and felt like the company didn't trusted hin so now he's like open to it and thinks its b.s .

Jungkook: he doesn't like it as well ,he wants to be free but at the same time if the conpany tells him to keeo it on the low or take a break , he will because he thinks the company knows the best ? Like the conpany must have kept a lot of things underwrap amd he respects it . Lol jungkook 😭

Its just the way he delivered is so funny jdjjj

#yourpsychicfriend

It seems like this is one of the hot topics to discuss and the member's are quite over ot now that they're grown adults but there was some member's who was quite judgemental in the past if any other artists dating news or theirs broke out .

Let me know your opinion

#kpop tarot #bts tarot #free readings

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not-goldy · 5 days

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Hey Goldy! How are you? This is just super random, but someone shared a clip of Rosebowl Jikook, and can I just say how surreal it still feels that it actually happened? People were scrambling to explain that it was completely platonic, that it was an edit, that JK didn't suck JM's ear, that it was completely normal 🙄

I've heard about a certain clip where you could see a string of saliva, and yes, I saw it. Apparently, the big screen during the concert show you front and center when that happened and how you could literally see the string of saliva from JK's mouth to JM's ear. You could even see the sucking movement.

Imagine if Jikook have partners? Imagine seeing that and being okay w/ it?? And mind you, he did after towards the end of the concert, when they're sweaty and all.

People left and right, 24/7 camping on Jikook accounts writing long-ass essays and novels to say Jikook hate each other or whatever. You don't see us camping out on say tkk/yoonmin accounts to prove they're not real, don't you? I mean, sure, we correct misinformation when you're posting lies or manipulated clips for your non-existent ships (tkk/yoonmin/etc).

Even the companion system in the military still haunts these people until now. Suddenly, everyone is a fucking expert on Korean military?? If it was any other ship, I'm pretty sure we won't be hearing a thesis on why they're not together right now, how they're doing their things away from each other? Like, what happened to critical thinking and common sense? You'd think if Jimin and Jungkook didn't want to do their enlistment together, they wouldn't go through those damn hoops, including selecting the harshest division. They'd just do what everyone else did 😩

Do you think these uncultured and unloved people (haters/antis/toxic solos/tkkrs etc) would lose their mind even more once the Jikook travel show drops? Hope it drops this June 😭

If Jikook have partners they are the most non territorial non concerned non bothered group of people on the planet cos of if Jimin or Jungkook were mine I would have them quit their careers 😩

Like you can't be stressing me out with the constant dating rumors talking bout we just friends but you coming home every night with a hickey embarrassing me on the internet begging for a man's attention a man who looks like this by the way

Like where do I even begin to compete his ass is fatter than mine😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

You just friends but you out here having panick attacks when he puts you on voice mail

Boy didn't even eat the dinner I made him cos he's out there cooking for another man

He doesn't laugh at my jokes the way he does his and his jokes are not even funny 😤

In his spare time he's watching vlives of him with his fans and I swear I heard him call me Jimin one time when we were making love

I need a divorce. This is not working out

It's either me or him 😩

Mother fucker chose him 😩

I don't want to over sell the travel blog I'm very very curious about it but I know it won't disappoint.

And the way Jungkook had to come out here and tell us about the one moment makes it feel all the more sus to me

Feels like a preemptive strive so fans don't make a big deal out of them sharing a bed but baby boy WE WILL

It's jikook they send antis with into a frenzy with the barest minimum 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

I won't expect anything less from those numbnuts

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trumpkinhotboy · 8 months

Text

"All that matters to me is that you're happy"

Pairing: Nick Nelson x Younger sibling!reader

Type: Request (thank youuu !!)

Genre: Angst and fluff

Warnings: A few curse words, homophobic comments, having a homophobic family member/sibling, being “bullied” by a family member

Rating: 13+ (because of curse words)

Word count: approx. 4k

Requests: Open! For Heartstopper, Twilight wolfpack, Narnia and Harry Potter

A/n: I must say, I loved writing this fic, but it always make me feel a bit weird to write about someone who’s homophobic… I know it’s sadly part of our society, but ugh. Just writing those horribles words made me feel weird and the saddest thing is that they’re all things I’ve actually heard before ????? But anyway, i think the fluff really does outweigh the angst (lol) and im sending you all a big fat queer hug <33

*gif is not mine!!

** Can you imagine him hugging you like this? Making you feel safe and shit?? Ughh. Nick would be the best brother on earth that for SUUUURE (i even wrote a thing about it hehe, if you want to check it out it’s here :3)

Summary: After being around Charlie and his group of friends' the reader starts to question themselves a bit more, wondering what they’re own sexuality and gender might truly be. However, all that discovery isn't made easy by their oldest brother David, who’s never been one to shy away from speaking what’s on his mind (even though it's the most hainous and stupid thing you might hear:)). After a pretty heated fight between the two of them, the reader takes refuge in their room where they will at least get comfort and support from their other brother, Nick.

It had already been a week since your oldest brother, David, came home from university, and it was proving to be one of the longest weeks of your life. David's presence at home always meant you had to deal with a bunch of mixed and confusing feelings. You used to be quite close with him. Once, David Nelson was a sweet and funny boy, but since he entered his teenage years, he proved to be a complete asshat. You still had your good moments together, from time to time, but they were becoming pretty scarce. Especially since he started making all those homophobic and horrible comments about LGBTQIA+ folks. When something stupid came out of his mouth, which happened quite a lot, you usually tried to ignore him, not wanting to engage in a fight every single time. Especially when you knew he loved to do it on purpose, but it was incredibly harder to do since you had met Charlie and his friends and learned that your brother Nick was bisexual. That wasn't taking into account the fact that you had started to question your own sexuality. Fights kept sparking up with your brother, and you couldn't just stand down anymore and let him spew his homophobic nonsense.

Contrary to your habit, you came back from school alone that day. After you waited a good 15 minutes for Nick to make an appearance at the crowded gates of Truham, you sent him two text messages, which were left unanswered. You decided to head home anyway, knowing something must have come up for him.

Sitting in the old bus bringing you closer to home, you let your mind drift. You found your thoughts heading toward a subject that had become quite familiar to you in the past few weeks. You thought about how you admired Charlie and his friends. They were so accepting and loving towards each other. You always wished you could have a friend group like that. You had lots of friends at Higgs, some very nice ones at that, but it wasn't the same. You weren't your 100% authentic self with them. You would never be able to tell them how uncomfortable you felt with all the heteronormativity demonstrated at school and how you always felt a bit weird about being in a ‘girl's’ school. In fact, you didn't mind it at all, but you hated all the stereotypical crap that came with it. Deep down inside, you never really considered yourself a girl or a boy. You were just a human, existing and floating around, trying to make the best of life. You felt trapped by the gender box and wanted to exist outside of it. You wanted to do anything you wished, wear anything you wanted without having to think whether it was a "girly" or "boyish" thing to do. Until a certain age, you didn't really care about all of that, but the older you got, it felt like stereotypes were being pushed onto you even more. And lately, you just couldn't come up with a way to deal with it, although the need was getting more pressing with each passing day.

As you walked home, completely lost in thought and not really noticing what was in front of you, you bumped into a tall, and lanky boy.

"Y/n! There you are!" You heard Charlie's familiar voice say from afar, slowly bringing you back to the mortal realm. "Nick's been looking for you everywhere!"

"Oh, right," you mumbled. "I did wait at Truham and even texted him, but after a while, I just decided to go anyway."

The curly-haired boy stayed silent for a second, noticing you seemed out of it. Silent and pensive, instead of being your usual cheerful self. He shifted his head to the side, trying to catch your gaze. "Are you okay?"

You looked up at him, confusion filling your eyes. "I don't know," you admitted. "It's been an interesting past few weeks." You kicked small pebbles off the sidewalk as he took ahold of your arm, bringing you to a small bench on the side of the road.

"Do you want to talk about it? You know I'm here if you ever need to talk about anything." he kindly offered. You let out a heavy breath. How could you talk about something that didn't even make sense to you?

"I-, I've been questioning myself a lot lately…" He didn't react to that declaration, giving you the space you needed to express yourself fully, but encouraged you to carry on with a subtle nod. "I-, you know, with you and Nick, and your friends and just, everything in fact. I- ugh, I just feel so trapped." Elbows on your knees, you pressed your closed eyes with the palms of your hands. A feeble attempt to relieve some of the pressure you felt buzzing in your overstimulated brain.

"Trapped?"

"Like I'm suffocating. People keep saying stuff that makes me uncomfortable, and I'm not sure why it makes me feel this way."

You turned to face him, his expression a mix of surprise and compassion. With his own coming out and Nick's situation, Charlie was getting quite versed in the 'question yourself' department. "What kind of stuff?"

"Well…" you hesitated for a second. Saying those things out loud felt like jumping off a cliff, and you weren't sure what was waiting for you down there, but Charlie felt like such a safe person. His kind and caring expression made you want to say the words bouncing around in your head for the first time. Deep down, you knew he was one of the few people you could tell this without being scared.

"I hate all these labels and stereotypes everyone seems to be pushing on me. I don't think I've ever really noticed it before, but now I see every weird reaction and surprised glance when I say or do something that might be just a tiny bit out of the 'normal' box. I'm just a human. I don't feel attached to any gender, either with myself or when I'm interested in someone. Their gender doesn't matter to me, it's their personality, interests, and how they treat me. That's what matters and makes sense to me." You were slightly out of breath after you blurted this whole thing out. Once you started talking, it felt impossible to stop. Coming to your senses about everything you had just told Charlie, you nervously looked his way. "Or at least, I think."

True to himself, he had listened patiently, never interrupting you. You took a deep breath, feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off your shoulders. It was such a refreshing feeling. Your brother's boyfriend looked at you in silence before smiling.

"I'm really happy, and honored you felt comfortable enough to tell me about all of this Y/n. Does Nick know about the way you feel?"

You shook your head no, feeling a hint of guilt creeping in. "I didn't know what to tell him… I'm not even sure how I feel can be put into clear words."

"Sometimes it is pretty hard to find ways to put an exact word on a state of mind, but if you'd like, I can tell you about some stuff that might be linked to how you feel. You're not the only one who feels like that, and even if it's not exactly the good word for you, maybe it can give you an idea. A hint of things to look up, to do some research on and see what that feels like for you."

You nodded excitedly. Your innocent enthusiasm exerting a laugh from Charlie.

"But. We'll do that as I walk you home, okay? Nick had a rugby thing tonight and panicked a bit when he realized he hadn't told you about it. He asked me to text him when I saw you and would probably feel more comfortable knowing I walked you home. So, is that a deal?”

The discussion you shared on your walk home was one of the most informative you've ever had. Charlie was full of knowledge, and he was incredibly good at explaining everything. When he left you on your doorstep, words like "non-binary" and "pansexual" still danced around in your brain. You thanked him thoroughly before promising to keep him updated. You entered your cozy home, feeling some relief for the first time in a while. Nellie's excited welcome only made it better. She was dancing around your feet, letting out high-pitched barks.

"Y/n? That you, darling?" you heard your mother's voice call from the kitchen.

"Yes, mum!"

You joined her in the delicious smelling room after you granted Nellie your entire attention. She was still following you around, almost making you trip as she slipped between your legs. As you came in, you were incredibly happy to see the plate of lasagna your mother put in the stove.

"You're a bit late. Everything alright?"

"Oh yes. Charlie walked me home since Nick had a rugby thing. We got distracted a little bit, that's why."

Your mother only nodded with a smile. She absolutely loved Charlie and knew that if you were with him, she didn't need to worry about a thing. She entirely trusted him to take care of her Nelson babies.

"Dinner'll be ready in twenty."

You nodded before you walked to the living room, your bag slung over your shoulder.

"Hey." saluted David. He was sprawled on the couch, focused on some video game on the screen. Nellie, still on your heels, let out a low growl when she noticed his presence. Like you, she wasn't much of a fan of David's. You rolled your eyes as you realized he had, once again, borrowed Nick's Nintendo Switch without asking. You finally grunted in response, not wanting to end your good mood by engaging with him. "Heard you say that Charlie walked you home."

His comment immediately made you tense up. When David was mentioning Charlie, it rarely ended well. You still remember vividly the night he had met him, all the things he had said, and how much of a dick he had been. You had felt so bad for poor Charlie and spent the night in Nick's room, allowing him to vent about the situation. "Yeah." you cautiously answered.

"So?"

"So what?" you turned on your heels, facing him with a challenging look, daring him to say some dumb shit again.

"Well, he's not trying to turn you gay, is he?" he snickered.

Your mouth opened in an astonished 'oh'. He didn't dare to say that, did he? If his comment hadn't made you so angry, you would have laughed at his stupidity. "What the hell, David. Do you even hear yourself?"

He let out an idiotic laugh, sounding like all the morons you had the pleasure to cross paths with at school. "No, but I mean, he's already convinced Nick, maybe you're next on the list. Maybe he wants you to join his little gay club."

Tightening your grip on the strap of your bag, your blood boiled in your veins. If you were a comic character, high-pressure smoke would come out of your ears right this instant. You couldn't understand how such a hateful and horrible human being could be related to you and the rest of your family.

"Shut the hell up. What does it bring you to be such a dick?"

He put his game on pause, noticing the change in your tone. "Oh my god, not you too. Can't anybody take a joke anymore?"

"David, I swear, you better shut up. I'm done letting you say such hateful things without saying anything."

"Listen, I just don't want to be stuck in a house with so many gay people. Don't want to catch it, you know. I don't even get it. It can't even physically work between same-sex people. Is it some weird kinky stuff? Am I really cursed to be the only sane one in this family?" He started his game again as if he hadn't just said one of the worst things you had ever heard. At this point, he wasn't even trying to hide his homophobia. You always tried to keep the peace between you two, knowing it made your mother very sad when you got in fights, but this was your limit, and he kept crossing it as if it didn't matter.

"I don't even know why you keep bothering coming home when all you do is be a stupid piece of shit towards Nick and me. You were an asshole to him when he came out, and now you want to do the same to me? You're not even nice to mum! I, we, don't need this in our life."

"You too? So you are gay?!"

"THAT'S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!" You took a breath, trying to refrain from punching him straight in the face. "You know what, I'm not interested in having a relationship with someone like you. You try to act as if you are this cool and nice older brother who's just joking, but you AREN'T. You're just mean and a fricking homophobe. Don't you ever talk to me again, got it?" You kept your tone cold, but made sure that every word coming of your mouth was coated in venom.The 'game over' sound escaped the TV, your brother staring at you, clearly dumbfounded by your last words. You left the room before you could start crying in front of him and bumped into your mother, her eyes wide open. No doubt she had heard the last part of that conversation. It broke your heart to see the expression on her face, but if she couldn't recognize when her own son was being a bully, that wasn't on you. She would never accept that behavior from anyone else, she was giving him too many chances, and you couldn't abide it when it came to something as serious as this.

"Y/n, darling…"

"I don't know why you still allow him to come here. It's been years since David has been decent to us. I'm so tired of it Mum, I'm done with it. I can't take this anymore, and someone needs to tell him this is NOT okay. I'm not talking to him anymore, and I really mean it. This isn't a petty little fight between siblings. This is serious."

"I-"

Your attention was captured by the front door opening on a very sweaty Nick.

"Hi, I'm home!" you heard his familiar voice say. The smile on his face vanished when he noticed the expression on you and your mother's faces. "What happened?" he asked seriously. Worry invaded his hazelnut eyes at the sight of your disheveled figure, your chest quickly going up and down, your breath shallow with anger. Your mother's state wasn't comforting either. She looked absolutely brokenhearted.

"David. That's what happened," you said with a sarcastic smile before you went around your mother, climbing the stairs as quickly as you could to escape into your room. It didn't take very long for you to hear the screaming coming from downstairs. A mix of your mother and both your brothers' voices. You shoved your head into your pillow and slipped under the covers, trying to make yourself as small as possible before you let the tears run freely down your face.

You opened your eyes after some time, feeling as confused as ever. You felt like you were on another planet, hunger rumbling in your stomach. You looked at the time on your phone with half-opened eyes. 8:00pm. You must have fallen asleep after all the crying.

You listened carefully, trying to hear what was happening downstairs when you saw your door open about an inch. Nick's face was peeking in the crack, trying his best not to make a sound. "Hey, kiddo. Can I come in?" he softly asked. You mumbled a yes, slowly sitting up in your bed, trying to regain some grasp on reality. His hands were full with a tray containing a plate of delicious-smelling lasagna, a steaming cup of tea, and a piece of brownie your mother had baked the night prior. He put it down on your night table, his eyes looking for yours.

"So."

"Mom told me what happened with David." he started. "I'm so sorry Y/n. Usually, I try to protect you from him. I'm sorry I wasn't home to prevent that whole situation from happening."

Once again, your eyes filled with tears. You didn't think it was even physically possible after all the crying you had already done, but here you were. You looked down at your fidgety hands, determined not to let him see the emotion arising in you.

"Yeah. Well, he's David. We know he's horrible."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean he has a right to act like this. Mum said she'll take care of it. He really crossed the line this time."

His hands were stuffed in the pocket of his gray sweatpants. A few wild strands of reddish hair fell in his eyes. He still looked so worried, guilty even. He had hoped you never would have to go through that and couldn't help but feel responsible that it happened anyway. You didn't dare to add anything, afraid that speaking would break you. Everything you were feeling was already so confusing, and the fight with your brother only made it worse. Nick kept staring, unsure what to do. He wanted to be there for you but didn't want to push your limits. He decided to sit on your bed, close, but not enough to be in your personal space. A very gentle approach was probably the way to go. You kept staring at your knees, knowing if you looked at him, it was done for, you would crack again. Nick and you were incredibly close. He was your brother, and in a way, he was an extension of yourself. You would do anything for him and knew the feeling was reciprocated. Having that kind of relationship had its advantages, but when you were trying to keep yourself from falling apart… it was kind of a pain. How could you look into his eyes and lie about everything you felt?

Gently, he took ahold of your hands. "Can I do anything to help?"

You stared at your hands covered with his freckled ones. These hands helped you through so much. They steadied you when you learned to ride a bike at seven. They always held yours when you were scared, and they always rubbed your back soothingly when you needed comfort.

You finally lifted your gaze, tears rolling down your face. You nodded as your lower lip started to shake uncontrollably. "Can I- can I have a hug?"

He took a deep breath before wrapping you in his arms.

"Come here." he engulfed you in his embrace making you feel protected and as safe as ever. He jumped under the covers so you both sat, your backs resting on your headboard. His arms still around you, and your head on his chest, you assembled the courage to let the words stuck in your throat be expressed.

You told him about all the things you had been questioning lately. All the stereotypes and labels that made you feel trapped. You told him about your walk with Charlie and how good it had felt to hear that it was all okay, that you were okay. Your gaze turned dark when you told him word for word about your conversation with David. You felt his grip tighten on you for a split second. You were no stranger to the anger David triggered in your brother.

"And then you came home, and now we're here." You ended your monologue and looked up to him. His brows furrowed, he seemed in deep, deep thoughts. Looking straight ahead, everything you told him was still settling in his mind. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, until my discussion with Charlie, I didn't even know what I was feeling."

The mention of his boyfriend seemed to bring him back to the present. He looked at you, forcing a smile on his lips that did not quite reach his eyes. "That's okay. You don't ever have to tell me something if you don't feel ready. I'm glad Charlie was there to catch you when you needed to."

You smiled, feeling once again that comforting warmth spreading in your chest. You were incredibly grateful to have such an amazing brother as Nicholas. You squeezed him a bit tighter. He reciprocated your gesture while resting his cheek on top of your head.

"Although I must admit I am a tiny bit jealous that you told him before me…"

"Jealous, uh?" you giggled after getting up, staring at him and the sparkle of mischief in his eyes.

"I'm just saying I want you to remember who has always slipped you some candies when mum said it was enough. Before you replace me with Charlie, that is."

You burst out laughing, remembering the many times you almost got sick because of all the candies Nick had slipped you.

"No worries, brother. I'm not thinking of replacing you just yet. You're too useful to me."

"Ah! That's comforting." His gaze in the direction of the ceiling, the smile on his face stilled. "I'm really sorry again about David. He's such a dick. I already felt so bad for what happened with Charlie. I'm so mad he dared to do the same to you." Your oldest brother's inner brain working was something that needed to be examined by scientists. You would never pretend to know how it even worked. "I thought that it was me he specifically had a problem with. I hoped that your youngest sibling's status would protect you. That was foolish of me. I should have said something before."

Rubbing his eyes with his hands, he seemed incredibly tired and vulnerable. You hated that someone from your own family could have that effect on him. In fact, you hated that someone in your family caused you all so much hurt.

"David's always been like that. Ever since he turned fourteen, he's been a bully. I think the important thing is that we never let it slide anymore. I think we all gave him too many chances, and it resulted in the lovely human being he is now." You reached for his hand once more, hoping to take away some of the guilt in his eyes. "This is not your fault Nick. You know how much I appreciate how you're always there for me, but I need to fight my own battles, and this is what I've done today. As shitty as it feels to know what David thinks of queer people, I feel incredibly proud to have stood up to him. To have said enough."

Your words seemed to lighten up his mood. The smile on his face wasn’t full yet, but it was getting much closer to a heartfelt one. "I am proud of you too. You're such a badass kid."

Curling your arms to show your guns, you wiggled your brows, hoping it would make him laugh and bring back on his features that dear smile of his. To your advantage, you did know your brother pretty well because he couldn't contain his laugh at the display of your dumb antics.

For the rest of the night, you stayed hidden in your room. You ate your whole plate and decided to put on a movie. You decided that the best remedy to such a shitty evening was to have one of your infamous movie nights. Nick even went out to fetch Nellie and some more sweets to satisfy the both of you.

"Y/n," he whispered halfway through the movie. A huge bowl of popcorn on both your laps, yours salty and his sweet, Nellie sprawled at the end of the bed, you hummed, reluctantly taking your focus away from the screen.

"What? I swear if you're about to ask me for some of my popcorn again, I'll punch you."

"It's not that." he chuckled. "I, I just want to say that if you need help with anything in your… your quest of understanding your sexuality."

"My quest?!" you interrupted with a laugh.

"Shut up." he threw some popcorn to your face, which you immediately ate, before he continued. "No, but I mean if you need help in your research or want me to be mindful of the pronouns I use for you. I want you to let me know."

You paused the movie, your expression a neutral surprise. "Nick, I-"

"No pressure or anything! I know you're still exploring and learning about new stuff. I just want you to know that I'm 100% here for you, no matter what, okay? You can ask me anything, and I'll do my best to help and support you. All that matters to me is that you are happy."

You stayed silent, the idea of exploring your pronouns still hanging in the air in front of you. You scrunched your nose and buried your face in his shoulder.

"I don't know what I would do without you. Thank you, Nick," you whispered with muffled words that barely came through the fabric of his sweatshirt.

"Better than Charlie?" he whispered back, diffusing the seriousness of the moment. You sat straight again, looking at him, a sparkle glowing in both your eyes. He was dumb. He loved to make jokes and tease you, but he was your big brother and your best friend in the whole world.

You offered him some of your salted popcorn before you focused again on the movie. Even though this had been a shitty week and evening, you took some time to just appreciate this precious moment, and took comfort in knowing that no matter what, you would always have Nick by your side.

#ilya writes #nick nelson #nick nelson x sibling!reader #nick nelson x reader #nick nelson x charlie spring #heartstopper #heartstopper fic #nick nelson fic #heartstopper comic #alice oseman #kit connor #joe locke #olivia coleman #i want nick nelson to be my big brother

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kawaiichibiart · 2 months

Text

Platonic Love square HCs pt.3 (?)

Continuing off my "Adrien loves to doodle..." HC, Marinette loves getting him new colors and replacing empty/used up supplies for his hobby. He goes through them faster than she does and she doesn't mind picking up a few things even if he insists that he can get them himself.

As LB and CN, they tend to take turns walking people home if they ever get into a situation (someone trying to assault them for instance) where they don't feel safe, where one of them is walking with the person and the other is on the roof keeping an eye out.

Whether she is in or out of the mask, Marinette will always jump to defend Chat Noir. He's not a villain, say that again and you'll see who you should really be scared of.

Adrien, in turn, whether or not he's wearing his mask, will jump to his Lady's side if people push her to do more. Stop pushing her to do your job, maybe if you'd help us/them, we'd get somewhere faster.

They play their version of Marco-Polo during patrol, which is literally just Ladybug going "Chat!" and Chat Noir going "Meow!"

Trash talk fashion shows, especially Audrey's after Gabriel shuts down (before it shut down they'd go after Gabriel hard).

One time they were late to an Akuma because Chat had decided to take a nap on Ladybug's lap. Alya caught the moment.

They have social media accounts for their hero IDs. Chat Noir has always leaned towards funny, wholesome and generally just random posts (in short, he's posting whatever he wants). Ladybug tries to keep things professional, but eventually she also begins to shift into a "I'm posting whatever I want" mindset. It's mostly pics of Chat Noir.

Marinette once got Adrien to transform into Mister Bug again so she could use him as a reference for body armor designs.

Marinette, on Twitter: Reasons you should sign my petition to get Adrien Agreste to quit Gabriel and start working for me, MDC, a 🧵: 1. Gabriel Agreste is a bitch. | 2. I wouldn't have Adrien wear the same outfit in different colors. | 3. I'll feed him. | 4. Gabriel is a bitch. | 5. I won't make him model with someone who doesn't know boundaries. | 6. I'll let him have a say in what he wears. | 7. Gabriel Agreste is a bitch. Thank you for reading! (Felix, replying: didn't bother to read the🧵, signed the petition because I hate my uncle and want his business to fail <3 | Marinette: one of two (for now) things we have in common: loving Adrien and hating Gabriel )

#miraculous #adrien agreste #chat noir #cat noir #marinette dupain cheng #ladybug #platonic lovesquare #platonic adrienette #platonic adrinette #platonic ladynoir #platonic ladrien #platonic marichat #miraculous headcanon

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reflections-in-a-critical-eye · 1 year

Note

Hey there BMT

Happy new year

So...after today's Tae Wlive...I was left feeling a bit confused

Okay to be honest...ever since the solo chapter two era began...I deleted my twitter account and it has been one of the best decisions I made...but in my journey as an Army...Tae has always rubbed me the wrong way and I couldn't really pinpoint what exactly it was about him because when you first come into this fandom it is ot7 kumbaya all the time....so I can't help but realize Tae doesn't like being left out on being in the spotlight...he is someone who seems to know what goes on in the fandom like how most of his solo stans are shippers of him and the maknae...and how said shippers are one of the biggest reasons this fandom is going to shit and how they portray he's supposed soulmate..so...it's how he always comes online when one of the other members is on the spotlight for some reason and he feels the need to name drop the maknae..like today...he comes on for two minutes,comes back and mentions how he is with the maknae and friends but he decided to do the live cause he was bored...plus I found it a bit weird how he didn't mention Jihope being in Paris....considering he likes fashion...something so big and new and exciting for his bandmates,his family,friends...but instead go on and just rally up his psycho cult by adding innuendos with strawberries and "pineapples?"....and I'm just wondering JK couldn't even pop in his head for a second to say hi but then I sit down and remember he likes to lie?troll?be funny? So many narratives to explain away his behaviour....anyways...what was the purpose of all this....you are one of the bangtan fans who is so level headed and I wanted to know if I'm just tripping..

Have an amazing day/night

Alright, I think it's time for a real talk here. I'm not going to mince my words because I don't care what anyone says. I'm no Army, you all know where I stand, so let's fucking go.

This fandom is made of butthurt, two-faced, kumbaya, fruity bangtan-lover people who are rarely able to show some spine because they're too afraid of losing their clout on twitter and their followers on tumblr. They're so programmned to believe that a bunch of seven men are the epitome of perfection, unable to do something even worthy of mentioning any type of criticism because they all live in this fairytale-like world. They are super human, incapable of actions and emotions that govern the daily lives of us, the inferior human race. Well guess what? Believing it doesn't make it real.

We can like nasty people and we can dislike them for the same damn reasons. We can dislike nice people and we can love those good people all the same. And guess what? BTS are people. Tae is one of them. Rm is one of them. Jimin. Yoongi and so on. And we can like BTS, while at the same time, not like some of the things they say or do. It's not the end of the world, the sky won't fall on us. Just as we have complex emotions and reactions towards the people in our own lives and towards our own self. I know I'm seen as some Tae/RM anti. Unfortunately for those people, I can never give them the satisfaction because I don't have a ''hate Tae today and talk shit about him'' on my to-do list every day. And they can say I'm biased and I only care about two people in BTS and I see them as perfect and I get frustrated when someone else talks shit about them. Yeah dude, I do care only about two of them. There ya go. The Earth is still spinning. And you know what? I can dislike stuff about them too.

I don't like Jimin treating the fandom as if they're all kids and even going as far as to cover a damn photo on a hotel wall. It's stupid and it won't help and he's part of the problem. I once thought that Jungkook is going to do something more artistic in the future because I saw the potential after My Time, but for now, all he did was confirm how damn basic he is from an artistic pov. I think he made a wrong decision making that song for the World Cup in Qatar and it shows that money comes first. I don't like RM because he's pretentious as fuck. I don't like Hobi because he's too damn loud and as a fan, I couldn't give a flying fuck about his presence at FW or what brand deals he gets. I think Jin is severely out of touch and money does that to you.I think Tae is insecure for no fucking damn reason, but he is. I think Yoongi can be so damn insensitive sometimes and he doesn't know when to shut up. And, for the sake of inclusivity and fairness, I'll add myself too in this dislike fest (not that I'm some world superstar and I have no fans, but you know what I mean).I am a selfish bitch that tends to ghost people. I have ex-friends that probably hate me and I don't blame them.

What does all this mean? That my opinions are facts? That the aspects I've mentioned reflect someone's entire being? That when I look at Hobi, all I see is an obnoxius loud guy? No. Of course not. He's not just that because none of us are only one thing. Layers, people. As simple as that. And if I or anyone else ends up thinking that Tae is insecure and doesn't like being left out, then so be it. Just as I mentioned all that stuff that I personally don't like, there are many more reasons that still make me enjoy them. They're not horrible people worthy of being burned at the stake. But one bad word and this fandom acts like that's exactly what one means when they are not a fan of a BTS member. Then they jump to call people antis, bitches, cunt whores and every other insult. Because that's certainly nicer that any sort of criticism made towards BTS, but it's an acceptable and desired form of bullying. If this was twitter or perhaps my inbox after this text is posted, some will jump and say that Tae would burn me to keep himself and JK warm. Oh no, I'm about to cry and do my penance and apply 30 lashes on my naked body.

Everything is so absurd and every day when I go on twitter and come here, I'm taking the bad pill on purpose so I can enter this alternative reality. And I accept that, I made my bed. But I'm also not going to be some sheep that parrots whatever this fandom deems acceptable.

So yes, anon. I don't blame you for thinking this. Yes, it does seem to look like a pattern. Why? I don't fucking know. Why doesn't it seem genuine? Because there's a history of lying for no damn reason. No one in their right mind should be upset that he's hanging out with his bandmate (be it in person or playing online games). That's not the problem here. It's just that it has become such a habit of only him doing this one-side whatever the fuck he is trying to do, that I had a bunch of people in my inbox from one-two weeks ago saying that this exact thing will happen at the right moment. And it did. I say we should place some bets next time. It will be more fun.

Why does he suffer from a bad case of mimetic desire? Is it needed? Not from an outsider pov, but I have no idea what insecurities Tae has. Except from that time he told Jungkook during their ITS talk that he uses weverse to get some love from fans because he was indeed insecure at that time. So, that tells you something. Which means, it's not completely out of the realm of all possibilities that some of the stuff he does can be on purpose. I'm glad I'm not a Tae stan or some ot7 army cause I would feel kinda shitty seeing Tae's attitude towards his fans. He laughts at them on Weverse while they believe they're laughing together. Look at how the others are using a live stream to connect with the fans they so much love, while he uses that because he's bored for 5 minutes. What is he? A teenage girl that gets bored after the guys come over? Is this high school? I didn't know he's some 16 year old cause at least his behavior would make more sense. But his fans thinks this is cool behavior, except he's a rebel without any cause that makes threats when the Paradise heir gets dragged in a scandal and other times he's keeping his mouth shut. Anyway......

And if we're dropping names (which doesn't happen just with JK, it's only that he's the main character lately) and if JK was there too, why couldn't he just give a shout and call him to say hi to his beloved fans? No one would think it's weird. We have footage of all the group hanging out together for years everywhere. Either tell him to shut up cause he's about to be live and doesn't want anyone to know, or actually do something? Cause this is what I don't get? Making situations be odd when it's not necessary. Now, it's not confirmed that JK is actually there, it could be just a theory and people having bad hearing and apparently Jungkook can sing like shit sometimes. We don't know.

And I don't want to hear anyone saying he doesn't know his stans and his shippers. First of all, they all do and second of all, he's on damn twitter and there's evidence of that. No, he doesn't have to call out his fans, but why rile them up? But then again, all of them are like that, so there's no escape.

Tae doesn't need to go live and talk about Paris Fashion Week and what his bandmates did. He's not the news so he can cover all the events that are happening. But the timing...like clockwork, every single time. Sometimes it's during and sometimes immediately after. Now he waited a day. Good for him, he's being considerate. If anyone would have to patience to look at the bts archive for the last half of year, I bet the pattern is more easily recognizable.

The point to all this and I'm going to end this post cause it got way too long, celebrities (that includes BTS) are people like everyone else. They put themselves in the public eye which means that everyone else watching them is bound to draw conclusions. Some are favorable and others are not. And saying that Tae seems to want some spotlight and he's not very nice sometimes is not a smear campaign. Whoever believes that, get a life. You have no idea what that means. But this fandom distorts all sense of reality and the actual meaning of words.

People can like Tae for exactly the same reasons I don't. I wish he would be an actual bad boy. That would make him at least interesting. I like shitty people. I like nice people who do shitty things. I like people who are considered persona non grata. So what? So if his fans like Tae for who he is, then absolutely fine. But then I can also say that I don't. That's the basics of all of this.

And one last thought. I can't truly take someone seriously or argue with them in some weird act of defending men. I value myself a bit more than that. So whoever wants to be an Army on a high horse and call me names, you can take them and shove them.

Happy New Year, Anon!

#bmt asks

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