#and i have found a renewed awe and respect for people who do like really intricate gif edits because that shit is a fucking mental labyrint

[you-makestedehappy]

Line deliveries that play on repeat in my brain.

Season 1, episode 10 - Wherever You Go, There You Are

🐈‍⬛❤️‍🩹🍆💦🏴‍☠️ [ep 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10]

#well FUCK it's DONE #that was SOMETHING #i challenged myself after a LONG time not editing anything and i had fun and also less fun times #and i have found a renewed awe and respect for people who do like really intricate gif edits because that shit is a fucking mental labyrint #also i want you guys to know that i have read every single tag / comment that you have added to any of all of these gifsets #and i thank you all for them because they really made my days #ofmd #our flag means death #my gifs

[leavethepuddle]

very long vent, cw: animal death

I've been feeling so guilty about how my life seems blessed and my little sister's life seems completely cursed.

We didn't get along very well when we were younger. I was always the good child, the smart one, the worst thing I did was stay up too late on the computer and not do my homework. She was the bad one, cut class, did hard drugs, needed an abortion, got arrested multiple times (no jail time, thank god), had at least one boyfriend who hit her.

The family narrative was always about what a devil she was. Our parents love us very much, and it was often affectionate teasing, but even the stories from when we were little are so often about how difficult she was. Pulling my hair when she was a baby to get a reaction out of me. Hitting me when she was a toddler, and I never wanted to hit her back like my dad told me to. A bit older and she would purposely pretend she couldn't read silently, just to annoy me (which is normal sibling pestering, we always laugh about it, but I can't think of any similar stories about me, that's not part of the narrative).

And now, I have a job that is frankly easy and well-paying and enjoyable enough where I'm respected as the expert in my department. I got to spend several years living abroad while she was trying to get her life together. When she decided to go to college, she had to drop out after a semester for financial reasons. She's got a good job now, but she still has money troubles.

Within the past month, she lost a few days of a weeklong trip because she hadn't renewed her passport (luckily she got an emergency one after missing her original flight), someone tried to steal her car and didn't succeed in that but did smash all her windows. And now one of her cats just died in a really awful way. She's moving to a new apartment in a slightly-less-shitty neighborhood and the movers left open the window where one of her cats like to sit. The cat jumped/fell nine stories. She was still alive when my sister got there, but died at the emergency vet.

I feel so terrible for my sister (and the cat, who was literally the sweetest, cutest cat I have EVER met, objectively moreso than my own former cat who I loved). She commented after the attempted car theft that it's felt like the last nine months have been disaster after disaster, so I'm sure I don't even know the half of it.

It's not my fault that bad things happen to her, but I feel like the odds were stacked against her. Like I was older and I excelled in school first, and so she couldn't follow that same path. And I played into the narrative about how she was the bad child, and I could get away with things that she couldn't. I don't remember specific instances, but I feel sure that when we fought, I was probably given the benefit of the doubt a lot more than she was. I felt justified at the time, but now I think it could never have been fair.

Even just genetically, psychologically, I'm... pretty much fine. I have some manageable social anxiety, and idk exactly what she's been diagnosed with but I believe she has a personality disorder or something. She seems desperate for other people's approval, caught up in looking perfect.

And although we get along fine now, we don't fight like when we were growing up, we're not very close. Our lives and personalities are so different that I don't think she can talk to me about a lot of heavy topics. I fundamentally can't relate and tbh am kind of judgmental and even when I'm trying not to be, I don't know what to say. The kinds of social problems she encounters are so far out of my wheelhouse.

But she did call me when she found the cat. That's something.

[miraclelovesyou]

Life Update

Good Morning~

Where to begin? It’s been awhile. I had abdominal surgery in 2020 and I’m only just starting to look like my usual self. It’s wonderful. I feel healthy and happy. I feel renewed. 

I’m in a relationship with a former military man who is now in medical. And he’s pretty hellbent on marrying me. It’s currently LDR and I’m not sure when I’d feel comfortable closing the gap. 

I recently heard the song “Glimpse of Us” by Joji...Everyone knows it by now. The song about men finding a new girlfriend or wife just to try and move on but they can’t. And it hit me hard. 

I don’t feel it at all because once I move on, I really do move on. I have no absolutely no romantic feelings for previous romantic partners/interests. 

But I can’t help feeling awful for two women I know who are experiencing this with their partners because of me. It’s not an ego thing...I know that I am who they are thinking of based off things they’ve written to me. 

One is married now with a child. He’s at the age so it makes sense. And I’m honestly so happy he could receive a child because I may not be able to do that in the future. But only just a year and a half before the engagement (that only came once she was pregnant), he was contacting me saying how much he misses us. There was a time during their (him and his new girl’s) relationship that she began to stalk me and I learned that it was because she feared he and I would get back together. I never would. I no longer had romantic feelings for him and I didn’t have any desire to be his future wife. But this hadn’t come out of nowhere...Things must’ve been said about me whether by him or others. He also wore the hat I gave him nearly everyday after we broke up for years.

The week before she became pregnant, he and I bumped into each other without words. He purposely changed a sign right near where I was going to pick up my order. I didn’t talk to him because I didn’t want to make him stressed out at work (where we bumped into each other) so I picked up my drink and left. Apparently, as I walked out the door he just stared and watched me leave. He kept his now fiancé's pregnancy a secret until he moved to another state with her and kept it hidden from people he knew would tell me. I don’t think he thinks I’ll stalk or do anything malice (because even he’s said I’m too nice) but rather, I think he’s embarrassed. He is content in life but not happy with the fiancé he goes around calling psychotic. He didn’t even propose to her before the second trimester (when it’s confirmed she will probably remain pregnant). My ex even put a plushie I got him inside his computer that he loves so much. That’s no coincidence; he sees and uses that computer everyday. 

I don’t know her and her personality seems odd but I think she deserves to find a man who loves her. Wouldn’t be surprised if she found a way to trap him through the pregnancy because she felt like he may leave; he was always so careful so I was surprised to hear about an unplanned pregnancy. But he would’ve married her regardless...He told our hairdresser that he needed to get married. When our hairdresser said he should marry for love, he didn’t comment. He just said it’s time. This girl of his is now just a piece in a life he feels he needs to accomplish but she’s not the one he loved/wanted to marry. It was me. I am the girl Joji is describing in the song, for my ex. I feel awful for his fiancé. 

Next is someone much younger than me who I did not fall for romantically at the time and who was much younger than me. He confessed to me the day before I broke up with the ex mentioned above. I rejected him for various reasons, the biggest being it was too soon since I was about to break up with my ex. I didn’t want this man to be a rebound; I cared for and respected him far too much. I loved him but not in a romantic sense. 

A year after the rejection, he got into a relationship and one that he’s been in for years. But during my surgery, he contacted me apologizing for not being able to be there for me when he promised he’d be with me through everything. He said he hopes he could talk to me again without falling in love with me once more. I know I was his first love...And when I read this I felt so bad...That meant he wasn’t in love with the girl he’s been with for years...We recently ran into each other after years, at a party. His girlfriend clearly hated me which meant she knew how he once felt about me. I wanted to tell her “I’m not your enemy nor a threat” and that her true worry should be that the man she’s with now is not in love with her. If she was so worried about me, she shouldn’t be with her partner, end of discussion. I didn’t like her attitude towards me but I understand she’s much younger than me. She deserves better. 

I feel awful... I do sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had stayed with my ex or had dated this friend I rejected...But I don’t regret anything. I move on. These women are stuck as placeholders because of their feelings for me. None of this is my fault, I know.  I’m so sorry. 

#personal thoughts

[mrsalwayswrite]

Sinners and Saints (Sihtric x reader)

Summary: One day you stumble upon your childhood friend, Osferth, whom you have not seen in years. Yet the more time you spend with him, the more you find yourself drawn to his companion, Sihtric….and the butterflies his dark eyes give you.

This is my contribution to @emilyhufflepufftlk 100 followers challenge! Congratulations again! I’m so happy for you! 

My prompt was - "Love doesn't discriminate, between the sinners and the saints." - Lin-Manuel Miranda, Hamilton (in bold within the story)

Words: 5500

Warnings: A couple of swear words, fluff, my poor attempts at humor, Osferth being a good bro. 

Tag List: @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie @flowers-in-your-hayr​

This gorgeous moodboard was made by @flowers-in-your-hayr​. All credit goes to her! 

"...so there she was, aye, and next thing I know, she flips 'er dress up and I see the most perfect set of…."

 "I'm going to be sick." Osferth mumbled to himself, trying to block out Finan's retelling of his prior night. To the laughter of his companions, he started to push away from the outdoor table at the alehouse. He was no virgin anymore, Finan and Uhtred had seen to that, but he still felt squeamish when listening to their stories of recent conquests. His mother's voice whispered in the back of his mind, things she had told him before her passing, about respect and love. Plus, he could not help but think that this idea of conquests, of women's worth derived from what pleasure a man could take from their bodies, was what brought bastards into this world….like him. 

 "Alright, Finan, we get it. You saw the arse of a goat and couldn't help yourself." Uhtred teased, slinging an arm around Osferth so he could not escape them- most likely to find a church and pray for their souls. 

 "Oi, lord! Ya know that was one time!" Finan feigned mock-outrage, making Uhtred and Sihtric laugh. 

 Osferth put a hand over his eyes as if that would somehow block the image from his mind. Something he desperately did not want there. 

 "How much longer are we here, lord?" Sihtric asked, changing the subject, while twirling a dagger between his hands fluidly. 

 Although Osferth would never admit it aloud, and God forgive him, it was hard not to be jealous of how easily his companions handled their weapons like they had been born with weapons in hand. They continued to tell him it was practice. Recently though, he decided it was a gift that he clearly did not have. 

 "Until I feel satisfied with the training of Lord Godwin's fyrd and his defenses." Uhtred stated indifferently, as if it was something he had to repeat to himself often. 

 "Ya think King Alfred knew how much of a horse's arse Lord Godwin is?"

 Uhtred glanced up, a tiny smirk on his lips. "Probably."

 "But he knew you were the man for the job." Osferth commented. Not necessarily to defend his father but to hopefully bolster Uhtred's confidence. "The men respect you, even if their lord fails to acknowledge his own respect."

 "The baby monk is right." Finan said. "What else needs to be done for the town?"

 Uhtred and Finan began discussing ideas and strategies, Sihtric adding an occasional comment but mostly just listening. 

 Osferth found his attention wandering, since this was an area outside of his expertise. His gaze drifted to the town and its residents who moved about to complete their duties under the midday sun. Their group had only been in this large town for two days and already Osferth was keen to return to Coccham. 

 From amidst the crowd, a familiar face caught his attention. The world tilted off its axis as his entire body went rigid, all his focus zeroed in on her. His heart hammered in his chest and the air whooshed from his lungs painfully. 

 "Y/n?" He muttered to himself, disbelief and shock clearly painted in his tone and on his face. 

 "Baby monk, ya alright?"

 Finan's words did even register, so consumed by the ghost before him. Rapidly, he slid off the bench, almost losing his footing when he went to stand, but pressed on, hurrying towards her. 

 "Y/n!" He called, an almost desperate tone in his yell. 

 When she did not turn around, he shouted louder. "Y/N!" 

 That time she paused, then slowly turned to find him standing still amongst those walking around him, a solid rock in a stream of people. He held his breath as he intently watched her expression, suddenly worried seeing him would not be as meaningful as he hoped. He could see her utter his name silently, eyes wide. Then in the next moment, she dropped the basket on her hip and ran towards him. He opened his arms just in time for her to collide with him, and with her embrace, a painful wave of nostalgia and guilt crashed over him with the strength of a tempest. 

 "It's really you." She finally whispered, peering at him in awe. 

 "Hi." He smiled, his own shock clouding his mind from forming coherent sentences.  

 Then to his surprise, she reared back and punched him in the arm. 

 "Ouch! What was that for?" He whined, rubbing the offended limb. 

 Throwing her hands in the air, they landed on her hips as her voice rose in anger. "For disappearing in the middle of the night without telling me!"

 "I did tell you."

 "That you were THINKING about leaving, not that you WERE leaving!" She reared back and punched him in the arm again, ignoring his pained cry as she continued to berate him. "I spent an entire day running around the monastery trying to find you only for Father Harold to finally pull me aside and tell me you left for Wincheaster." 

 And there was the heaping of guilt he knew he deserved. "I'm sorry….I just….I just knew if I didn't leave that night, then I never would."

 Her face softened at his quiet admission, understanding passing in her eyes. "I know. I wasn't truly surprised…. Just wish you'd have told me before."

 "I'm sorry."

 She sighed, all anger and frustration disappearing, much to his relief. She was a force to be reckoned with when truly in her fury. "So, what are you doing here?"

 "Ah, traveled here with the Lord Uhtred to assist Lord Godwin in his defenses….or something."

 "Uhtred? That Uhtred?"

 He smiled at her, catching the reverence in her tone. "That very one."

 "How did you find him? How did you join him? Wait! Are you a warrior now? We have a lot to talk about and you better get started." There went the hands on her hips again, making his smile widen at the image. Even as a young girl, when her hands were on her hips, you knew she meant business. 

 "Would you like to meet him first?"

 A shy look passed over her face that he was unused to seeing. "I'm…. I'm not presentable to meet a lord."

 He scanned her, noting the dried mud on the hem of her dress and shoes, the small smear of what looked like flour on her left temple. What he noticed most was how the years had made her even more beautiful. She had always been a pretty girl but now, she truly looked like a beautiful woman. A fact he was unsure of how to feel about. 

 He chuckled lightly after a moment. "Well, you certainly smell better than Lord Uhtred so I think it's fine."

 That caused her to tip her head back and laugh loudly, the desired effect of his comment. She gathered up her basket and walked next to Osferth, back to the table where his companions were. It was impossible to ignore their curious stares as they approached. 

 "Lord Uhtred, may I introduce y/n. Y/n, this is Lord Uhtred of Bebbanburg." Osferth said, standing next to her at the end of the table.

 Uhtred nodded graciously, clearly wondering why this woman mattered and why Osferth was introducing her. 

 "Oh, it's an honor to meet you!" Y/n gushed, a bright smile on her face. "Uncle Leofric told us so much about you, but I never thought I'd ever meet you in person."

 "Leofric?" That caught his lord's attention, his gaze narrowing and eyeing her with renewed interest. "How did you know that turd?"

 "When he came to visit Osferth, he'd tell us stories."

 "Ah….all exaggerated, of course." Uhtred said with a cocky smirk. 

 "Wait. I think we're missin' the most important thing here." Finan leaned forward, dark eyes bouncing between Osferth and her, as he pointed a finger at them, hand still wrapped around his cup. "Ya said 'Uncle Leofric'....are ya related to Osferth?"

 Osferth answered quickly. "No, her family owned the farm next to the monastery, so we grew up together." Then he furrowed his brows as a thought hit him. He had been so amazed to see his childhood best friend (only friend really) that he had not realized that she should be back at the farm and not in this town. "Wait, y/n, why are you here and not at the farm?"

 Her face crumpled for a brief second before she was able to mask it into a neutral expression. She shrugged casually, but he could read the subtle tension in the action. "We lost the farm, so mother and I came here to look for work."

 "Ah." There were so many things he wanted to ask but could tell now was not the right time. If she lived here, he would have plenty of time to hear the full story later. Instead he decided to change the subject. "So, you know Lord Uhtred, the others are Finan and Sihtric…. And Sihtric is also a bastard." He added as an afterthought. 

 That made her face light up as she turned to look at the Dane. "Hey, another bastard! We really need to start a club. We can all rant about how awful our fathers are."

 "You're a bastard?" Uhtred asked, shock evident in his voice. 

 "Yes, my lord. My mother was a servant for a lord. Got pregnant. The lord's wife did not like that so sent my pregnant mother back to her family. Certainly, it was our Lord's Will because how else would I have been able to grow up with Osferth?" She asked, patting him on the cheek affectionately. He blushed and swatted her hand away, much to the other's amusement. 

 "I reckon you have quite a few amusin' stories of growin' up with Osferth, eh?" Finan smirked. 

 "I might….but I don't share secrets for free." She matched his smirk with her own crooked smile. 

 He slapped his hand on the table. "I'll owe ya a drink! I need to 'ear this."

 "No….oh no, no, no." Osferth said but knew it was a lost cause before he even tried to deter them. The rest were already deciding when and where to meet that night. "Lord help me."

 "It's not that bad." She teased, bumping his arm with hers. "The worst one is when we went streaking naked through the monastery."

 Osferth felt his face heat up like the flames of hell itself as everyone laughed. "It was your idea."

 "Yeah, yeah, so you like to remind me." She smiled fondly. "Now, if I don't get back home, my mother is going to think I've run off with some man or I've been kidnapped. Either way, she will raise the fyrd herself to find me. I will see you all tonight."

 The others said their goodbyes but before she could step too far away, Osferth gently touched her arm, halting her movement. 

 "Y/n….I'm….I'm glad our paths have crossed once again."

 She pulled him into a tight embrace. "I am too, Osferth. I've missed you." With that, she turned and walked away with her basket still on her hip; but not without glancing over her shoulder at the group before disappearing around some buildings. 

 Once out of sight, Osferth sighed and turned back to his companions, only to see them all still staring intently in the direction she disappeared. 

 "No….y/n is off-limits to you fornicators." He stated firmly, well as firmly as he could be. 

 "She's very pretty…." Uhtred declared, a playful grin on his face. 

 "Lord, no. All of you, keep your hands off of her."

 "Or what?" Finan chuckled, eyes alight with mischief. "You'll fight us, baby monk?"

 "I will if I must."

 "Alright. Her dignity won't be tarnished." Uhtred lifted his cup in Osferth's direction. "Your reputation might be tonight depending on what stories she shares." 

 Osferth groaned, sitting back down next to his lord. "I'm going to need a lot of ale."

 "That can certainly be arranged!" Finan laughed, jovial once more. 

 As discussion started back up again, they all missed the silent, longing glance Sihtric snuck one last time in the direction she walked away….

 *****

 Over the next several weeks Lord Uhtred helped increase the defenses of the town and instructed the guards and fyrd how to better defend against the Danes. 

 During those weeks, you found yourself frequently spending time with Osferth and his companions. First it started off with meeting them in the evenings for ale, laughter and good company. Within days, it became almost expected for one of them to purposefully seek you out. Most of the time it was Osferth and Sihtric coming to join you in whatever your tasks for the day because they were bored or unwanted in meetings. It was not difficult to tell that although they were certainly welcomed members of Uhtred's group, not everyone else saw them in such a positive light. 

 So the three of you often passed the hours away together, waiting until evening to rejoin Uhtred and Finan at the alehouse. Their presence became such a regular occurrence that your mother practically adopted them, they even had their assigned seats at your small kitchen table for meals. Somehow, they seamlessly slipped into your daily life in a way that seemed like they were meant to be there this whole time. 

 Even at the alehouse in the evenings, you usually found yourself nestled between Osferth and Sihtric on the bench. A place you certainly found yourself enjoying more and more….especially next to the Dane. 

 Over the weeks, there was something growing between you and the Dane. It gradually revealed itself with each passing day, growing like the roots of an oak tree. It was through the borderline flirtatious comments that you teased each other with. It was in the subtle touches that caused butterflies in your stomach to dance, from your fingers barely gracing each other when passing something, to the way you leaned your head on his shoulder when your eyelids threatened to close, to the way your thighs would touch under the table and away from view of the others. It was in the lingering looks when your gazes locked and you swore you never wanted to look away. It was in the consistency of being next to one another whenever you could, either sitting at a table or just walking down the street, almost like your bodies were magnetized to one another's. 

 Plus the more you talked to Sihtric, the more you desired to know about him. For he was like no other man you had ever met. 

 Almost a fortnight after you reunited with Osferth, there was one particular evening after staying out far too late with the four men and drinking a bit too much, Sihtric graciously offered to walk you back home. You knew propriety demanded Osferth should be the one to escort you but he was already passed out, head on the table and snores emitting from his mouth. Giggling at your childhood friend, you accepted Sihtric's offer and the two of you easily fell into step. 

 On the walk you learned more about his past, about going up in Dunholm and his cruel father. You had heard bits and pieces while with Osferth and the others. Maybe it was under the cover of darkness, maybe it was the extra ale flowing through both of your blood, but he confessed secrets to you he had never told another besides his mother. When you reached your home, before he could slip away, you clutched his arm and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. After, you bid him goodnight and slipped inside your humble home. 

 After that night, he always walked you home, sometimes alone and sometimes one of the others would join. But when it was just you two, when you were alone, you would bid him a goodnight with a kiss on the cheek or he would kiss your hand, locking eyes with you in a way that made a fire stir in your belly and your core clench. 

 There was definitely something between the two of you, but neither seemed able to verbalize it or take the next step. 

 *****

 "So, what is going on between you and Cedric?" 

 You turned your head to look at Osferth, who laid on the grass next to you, soaking in the heat of the early afternoon sun. "What?"

 "You know….that blacksmith. The one you were talking to the other day."

 "Oh." The memory hit you. You had stopped by to drop off your mother's damaged cooking pot for Cedric to attempt in fixing, although you personally thought it was a helpless cause. The dent in it was significant, but he offered to see what he could do. As you dropped it off at his workshop, the two of you began discussing an approaching saint's day and the celebration that would occur with it. 

 Several minutes later, you heard your name called and looked over to see Osferth and Sihtric walking towards you. You bid Cedric a farewell, promising to stop by the next day to come pick up the pot. After receiving his promise to try his best at fixing it, you headed off towards the stables with your fellow bastards. At the time, you had not thought the encounter significant but with it happening two days ago and Osferth now bringing it up, you wondered how long he had been ruminating on it. 

 Finally, you simply said, "he's a good man, and has been kind to my mother and I since we arrived here."

 "Is he….pursuing you?" Osferth turned his head to scrutinize you, his lips pursed slightly as if concerned about your answer. 

 You openly laughed at the notion. "No, that's silly. He is just a kind man."

 If anything, you had to fend off flirtatious advancements from some of the young men that worked under Cedric. Those same young men quickly learned to keep their eyes on their work and mouths shut. When one openly called out to you, and before you could offer a sharp retort, Cedric threw a hammer at him from across the shop. He bellowed that he did not allow heathens to work for him and if they chose to act godless then they needed to find a new place of work. Their blatant interest diminished after that and Cedric made a point to be the only one that conversed with you if you came to the shop. Although he was easily ten years your senior, you found him a likeable man with a quick wit and sarcastic comments that occasionally left you in stitches. 

 The idea of him pursuing you was an amusing idea. He was still a bachelor, never having married, claiming that his work and apprentices kept him far too busy for much else. 

 Your answer appeared to satisfy Osferth. A thoughtful look crossed his face and he opened his mouth as if to speak, but immediately slowly closed it and turned his head back to stare at the blue sky. 

 A stillness settled after your answer, only interrupted by the frequent bird song and the wind through the tall grass. You closed your eyes, enjoying the sun's warmth and just lying around relaxing on the hill outside of the town, away from the hustle and bustle and chores that demanded your attention.  

 "He was watching you like a man who wants a woman." Sihtric stated after a couple minutes of peaceful silence. 

 Startled by his sour tone, you shifted up to look over at the Dane. He sat on the other side of Osferth, one leg propped up and an arm casually slung over it, but his gaze was focused straight ahead, staring off into the distance. Now that you thought about it, over the past two days Sihtric had become more reserved and sullen than you had ever seen. Even his companions commented on it a few times to which he would shrug his shoulders or make an excuse and walk away. You had thought he just missed Coccham, the group having been away for so long, or something happened that made him introspective. It had also not escaped your notice how the prior closeness between you two had halted. Now you wondered if there was something more to his demeanor.  

 "Well, that is most unfortunate for him since I am not interested in him."

 "Does your mother not want you to marry?" Osferth asked, his voice deceptively neutral. 

 Sighing, you leaned back on your hands. Eventually you knew Osferth would bring up the topic, he was your friend after all and you were certainly of marriageable age. Actually far too old to not be married by some people's standards, but you ignored them. "She does but she has told me that she will not force it upon me. She said I should make my own choice….that if I am able, I should choose love."

 You knew your mother offered you that choice in hopes your life would turn out differently than her own. 

 "But if Cedric is a good, kind man….could you not love him….or someone like him?" Osferth pressed. 

 "Perhaps. There are plenty of men I have seen who the church would call a 'good' man but are cruel in their own home, and there are many men who are calloused but it's obvious they love their wife and children. My love doesn't discriminate, between the sinners and the saints. I would rather choose a man whom I know loves and cares for me than a man I know is 'good' but carries no love in his heart." You paused, the candid confession rolling off your tongue before you realized it. Sighing, you ran a hand over your hair before quietly saying. "I just….I just want someone that loves me….sinner or saint."

 Not a word was spoken as all three contemplated your statement, the silence hanging heavy like a brewing storm. Tilting your face to the sky, unable to meet the gazes of your companions, you chastised yourself for the candor with which you spoke. Osferth had asked a simple question initially and you chose to make it complicated. They did not need to know how you longed for love, how the hope for it in your potential future was what kept you going. It was foolish and you supposed after this, they would only see you as a silly girl with outlandish dreams of a storybook romance. 

 Finally, Osferth broke the silence. "Well, I shall be praying fervently for this man….hopefully he knows what he is getting into before he marries you."

 You laughed, appreciating his lighthearted comment. Reaching a hand out to smack Osferth's arm, you teased. "Keep that up and you won't be invited to my wedding."

 "Your mother will let me in."

 "Yeah, you're probably right." You glanced over in the direction of the town, regretting that your time away had to end. "I need to head back, those chores won't finish themselves."

 The three of you headed back to the town, quiet contemplation cloaking your group. Yet you feared that whatever spark lay between you and the Dane had been extinguished forever by your unexpected honesty. For still he refused to look your way, keeping his gaze focused forward. If your heart fissured within your chest, you swallowed down the pain. It was better for the spark to die out now then burn brightly only to be smothered later. 

 Or at least that was what you told yourself. 

 *****

 "What you said….about the sinners and the saints…."

 You whirled around, heart leaping into your throat with a silent scream on your tongue. In the small herb garden behind your house, you had thought you were alone. After the awkward conversation on the hill earlier that day, you sought solace in your chores. Thankfully Osferth and Sihtric headed back to meet with their companions on their own accord, leaving you to trudge through your muddled thoughts with all the grace of a newborn foal. 

 Now you found the very person who your thoughts centered on, standing just a few paces from you….and your heart began to race for a very different reason. 

 When his voice trailed off, those dark eyes that set fire licking through your veins dropped to the ground, you quietly stood up from where you had knelt, wiping the dirt from your hands, although you moved no closer. 

 "Sihtric?" You tried to prompt him. 

 "Is it true?" His piercing gaze lifted to meet yours, stealing the very breath from your lungs. "Your love doesn't discriminate?"

 "Yes." You breathed out. 

 He nodded silently before taking a step closer to you. "And what about….what about Danes?"

 Your chest pulled tight at his words, yet a coy smile grew on your lips. The flutter in your belly made your gaze drop for a moment as you tried to stifle the excitement making butterflies dance. Although this was no declaration, it was the closest the two of you had talked about what lay between you. Taking a steadying breath, you prayed this moment would not pass by without confessing the truth that you had harbored in your heart for weeks now. 

 "Not even towards Danes." You shook your head, the smile still on your lips. "And…. There is one I'm becoming quite fond of lately."

 "Yeah?" He took two steps closer, somehow moving cautiously but eating the ground with each determined step. 

 "But….do you think this Dane could be….fond of me?" You softly murmured, feeling as if your heart lay in the palms of your hands for all to see. 

 That last step separating you two disappeared almost before you finished asking your question. His hands ever so gently reached over to take yours, entwining your fingers together. The two of you stood so close, your chests almost touched with each breath you took. Your breathing seemed to cease under the intensity of his gaze and a shiver raced up your spine. Yet you had no desire to withdraw from him.

 "He would be a fool not to." He whispered, the barest hint of a tremble in his voice. "I'd bet you are constantly on this Dane's mind. That he cannot go a day without seeing your face and hearing your laugh. You are the first thought that he wakes to and the reason he falls asleep with a smile. That you have become the north star that it seems the gods have been guiding him towards for his whole life."

  As he spoke, everything faded to oblivion around you. The past and future vanished. Dane versus Saxon disappeared. The world narrowed down to this….this moment….this moment that you had dreamt of but never thought would come true. 

 The two of you continued to stand there, lost in one another's eyes with fingers intertwined. Your heart raced within your chest but a cooling breeze swept away the fears that plagued your mind. For staring at him, you knew he spoke no falsehoods. That he owned your heart just as much as you owned his. That very heart you could feel hammering away in his own chest. His eyes fervently held yours, a silent conversation, a confession, spoken only in looks but you both understood the language. His gaze dipped down to your lips, tracing them before slowly rising once again to your eyes. A curl of pleasure blossomed in your core as you witnessed the fire now in his eyes. 

 "If this Dane wanted to kiss me…. I wouldn't mind."

 A deliciously, sinful smirk teased his mouth. "As my lady commands."

 His head tilted, leaning towards yours. Unconsciously your eyelids fluttered closed. Then the briefest of touches made your knees weak and your mouth part open in a sigh. After a moment's hesitation, he continued to shower your jawline with kisses. Needing to touch him, your hands landed on his chest, feeling the tunic that covered his firm chest. Your hands moved upward to grasp the back of his neck, his pulse jumping for a second as your nails scraped his skin. His hands landed on the curve of your waist, bringing you even closer to him, erasing the unwanted space between your bodies. 

 As his lips began their ascent upward along the otherwise of your jaw, you moved. For the burning sparks in your body screamed if he did not kiss you, you would spontaneously combust. Shifting your face, you stole a kiss on his lips before he could place it on your skin. It was more of a gentle pressing of your mouths, but even then, you heard a sharp inhale from him. Before you could question him, his mouth returned to yours with soft, probing kisses that urged you to respond. Not that you would ever deny him. What started off as a gentle flame quickly became a roaring fire. Breathing became unnecessary, for how could air bring you life when your body craved Sihtric, when your lungs demanded to breathe him in instead. He led you in a drugging kiss that had you melting against him. Your lips drank from one another as if that alone could sustain you forevermore.  

 "THANK YA, GOD!!" 

 The passionate kiss abruptly ended as Sihtric and your gazes darted towards the side of your house. Only to be met with the sight of his three companions standing at the entrance in various states of smugness. 

 "Oh, for the love of Odin…." Sihtric mumbled. 

 You buried your face in Sihtric's chest, face heated in embarrassment but unable to stop the giggles that poured forth. So caught up in finally confessing your feelings and kissing the man who haunted your dreams, you forgot that anyone could walk by and see you. His arms tightened around you, keeping you within his protective, loving embrace….and you knew there was nowhere else you would rather be. 

 "Took the two of ya long enough." Finan continued, leaning against the side of your humble home with a shit-eating grin. 

 "Amen." Osferth had a small, teasing smile on his face. "Thought I would have to lock them in a room together before one of them finally confessed."

 Apparently, you and Sihtric were not as subtle as you previously thought. Now it made sense why Osferth was questioning you about Cedric and your thoughts on love and marriage earlier. Your heart flooded with gratitude towards your childhood friend, for without him you doubted neither Sihtric or you would have spoken up. Peering over, you caught Osferth's eye and mouthed a quick 'thank you'. He nodded, a simple joy radiating from his face. 

 "Lord?" Sihtric called over with a blank expression. "Permission to continue?"

 Uhtred chuckled. "I guess you've waited long enough. Go ahead." 

 Without waiting a moment longer, Sihtric tipped your face back up towards his and claimed your lips once more. You vaguely thought you heard laughter coming from the others but it all blurred away, like a faint sound while underwater. All you could see, all you could feel, all you could hear was Sihtric. 

 Just how you wanted it. 

 Suddenly you yanked your head back, your breathing labored and lips swollen. "My mother is helping at a nearby farm today. She won't be back until it's dark."

 He hummed against your skin trailing small kisses along your jawline and down your neck as if unable to keep his hands and mouth off you now that the dam had been released. 

 "I'm not as pure as Osferth thinks me to be."

 That statement made his actions stop. Carefully he raised his head to meet your gaze. "After dark?" He confirmed, voice rough in a way that sent a bolt of heat through you. 

 "Yes, she planned on having supper with them….so my home is currently empty….and I did just clean my blankets the other day…."

 He swooped in to give you a feverish, greedy kiss that left no doubt where his mind had gone. When he finally pulled back, you were surprised your legs could still hold you upright. Your whole body felt like puddy in his arms and he had only kissed you, albeit you doubted you would ever forget the way his mouth worshiped yours. 

 "You are certain? You want this?" He softly asked, staring into your eyes once more. "You want me?" 

 It was the last question, the vulnerable undertone, the hint of insecurity in it that sealed your decision. Letting your actions be your answer, you grabbed his hand and started pulling him in the direction of the door to your home. It did not take more than a second for him to come beside you, wrapping his arm around your waist. 

 With his taste on your lips, the future did not matter right now. It did not matter that he was Dane and you were not. All you knew was Sihtric was neither a saint nor a sinner, but simply a man deserving of love. The river of your love was pointing you directly towards him, and you silently vowed to never let it run dry. 

#ems100 #mzwrites #The Last Kingdom #the last kingdom fanfic #the last kingdom fandom #the last kingdom imagine #sihtric x reader #sihtric kjartansson #Sihtric #sihtric imagine #Uhtred #Uhtred of Bebbanburg #osferth #finan #finan the agile

[katierosefun]

i originally had a september wrap-up post queued but then tumblr fucking ate it, which made me very angry because i didn’t want to re-type the whole thing, but i’m procrastinating, so here i am, re-typing the whole thing of all the things i watched/consumed over the month of september, even if it’s a little late: (it’s fine, i didn’t watch a whole ton of stuff except...a lot of kdramas lmao. oh, and visions.) 

k-dramas: 

beyond evil 

okay, so i think this has been on my rec list for literally forever now, but...besties, i’m on my fifth watch of this goddamn show in the span of maybe two months, so if that doesn’t tell you how much this show has been a comfort/eating my brain lately, idk what will. 

i literally never shut up about this show, but if you’ve somehow been missing from my blog for a little bit, a quick summary: lee dong sik (played by the ever-wonderful shin ha kyun) was accused of murder + kidnapping a few young women, including his own twin sister 20 years ago. he’s lived a pretty quiet life on his own, and now 20 years later, his whole world is turned upside down again when hotshot new inspector han joo won (played by the talented yeo jin goo) comes into this little town. when the murders start up again, these two are thrown into a hellishly complex mystery. will throw you in for a hellish loop. i think my thoughts best summarize this show as come for the murder mystery, stay for whatever the hell joo won and dong sik have. 

okay, but all joking aside about how much i love joo won and dong sik (because...i truly do love them), this show was incredibly healing. once again: this show has quickly become a comfort show, basically to the point where i just watch it whenever i feel down (which happens to be a lot these days). idk man. humans aren’t meant to carry burdens on their own and all that stuff. sometimes u just need to remind yourself that. 

the crowned clown 

so, after watching beyond evil the fourth time, i realized that maybe i wanted to watch some of the actors’ other works. that was how i found myself watching the crowned clown, which...is an excellent kdrama now available on netflix (also on viki for free, just as beyond evil is). honestly, it’s been a hot second since i’ve watched historical dramas (saeguks), so i was a little unsure what to expect, but this show. bro. this show reminded me just how much i love historical dramas, because the court politics? the costumes? the music? the acting? fantastic. 

basically, this show is about the young clown (ie. performer) ha seon (played by yeo jin goo) who now has to replace the king, who might be like...two seconds away from snapping (if he hasn’t already). the reason they’re able to do this is because they look exactly identical despite not being related. 

this story is honestly wonderful. i loved it, and it’s an interesting way to look at the story behind the actual king (because. apparently this king was a real person, and i think his story has inspired quite a few other korean movies/shows). i thought yeo jin goo was brilliant in this show, and it’s really no surprise he became the youngest person ever nominated for a baeksang award because of this series. i was truly blown away by just how versatile he proved to be of an actor, and his dynamics with the other characters (the queen, the secretary being my fave, as well as the old eunuch jo), i just...bro. i’ll admit i wasn’t the biggest fan of the romance (don’t get me wrong! it was sweet!), but i think that might have been because this was so court politics heavy, and i adored it for that. if you’ve never watched a historical drama but want to and just don’t know where to start, i highly recommend this. 

d.p. 

bro....this show was dark. i watched it all in 2 days (pretty easy to do, considering it’s 6 episodes and maybe 40-50 minutes long per episode), and i needed to lie down. this is just one of those shows that i feel is...very important to watch, even if the content matter isn’t very bright. 

basically, dp is about two deserter pursuit officers: ahn jun ho (played by jung hae in) and han ho yul (played by koo kyo hwan). deserter pursuit officers are basically people who chase after people who deserted their military post--and for those who don’t know, being in the military is mandatory for men in south korea. this is the result of the armistice between the north and the south--basically, since north korea never agreed to an actual peace treaty, south korea is constantly under threat of war, which is why men need to serve at least a few years. (this is why a lot of actors + kpop band members often take breaks from their careers--to fulfill their military service time. because yup, even celebrities aren’t exempt from service!) 

anyways, this show really doesn’t pull back their punches. major trigger warnings for things like intense harrassment, suicide, domestic violence...it really does capture just how dark life can be, and also how toxic the military can be for men. because of that, i felt this show was incredibly well-crafted, incredibly nuanced, and in the end, i just felt sad. that said though, there was a hopeful ending, and i’m glad that this show was renewed for a second season, as i think this show is just...really important. 

squid game 

okay, so i don’t want to be that person, but your girl was watching squid game right after it came out, so i was here before the hype train--but okay, okay, i digress. (i am glad that this show is getting hype. i feel it’s very important that people watch this show.) 

if you haven’t noticed how squid game’s climbed to #1 on netflix worldwide (i think, anyways), well, then...buddy. squid game is about a bunch of people who have the chance to earn lots of money by playing what seems like innocent children’s games. (spoilers: they are far from innocent.) 

this show scarred me, to be honest. i needed to watch something lighthearted after this, just because it was so intense. lots of trigger warnings for blood and gore, as well as just. losing faith in humanity. but also, like dp, i felt this show was necessary. it was incredibly well-constructed in that it showed just what desperate people will do in order to survive, as well as exactly what a terrible capitalistic society will do to the working class. it’s depressing and sad, but also incredibly chilling because like. you can’t help but watch the characters and think, but would i do the same thing? i just want to pay off my own debt and take care of my family. wouldn’t i do the same thing? 

i won’t say more of this show for fear of spoilers, but. let me just say. that i really am glad this show exists. i hope people actually notice what the fuck it’s saying about our current system too, because hm, maybe i just want to suck the fun out of things, but there’s something very disturbing about how people are already cute-ifying this show (ie. “this is what i would wear to the squid games! :D” and “look at these squid-game inspired cookies! :D”, as if this show didn’t just deliver a heart-crushing message about capitalism + how the wealthy fuck over anyone who isn’t the 1% BUT ANYWAYS) 

tv 

star wars: visions 

lately i’ve been feeling weird about star wars for lots of different reasons which i don’t particularly feel like addressing today, but. visions really reminded me why i fell in love with star wars in the first place. i think for starters, well. it’s no surprise when i say that i felt an intense amount of joy of seeing east asian cultures so beautifully incorporated and respected in this show (no surprise seeing that this show was literally crafted by japanese anime studios), but like. it really was. a beautiful thing. i cried at least once per episode, either because i was so in awe of the animation and the themes or because i was just in awe that this thing exists. 

i think my favorite episode had to be the village bride--there was something so incredibly powerful about seeing someone who looked a bit like me say i am a jedi. what an iconic line. what an iconic story about a sad traumatized gal deciding to step up and fight, actually. peak star wars. 

but besides all that...i really did feel like...this show captured the beauty and essence of what makes star wars actually good. the themes of good versus evil, a lot of stuff between siblings (bro....the twins and lop and ocho FUCKED ME UP), choosing to have brighter and better days ahead (the village bride, the ninth jedi, the duel, tatooine rhapsody)...like, i really loved how each episode really took everything that was good about star wars and just turned it into something even more beautiful. this series will stay with me for a long time, i think--and i am very grateful for the people involved in this project for reminding me why i fell in love with this universe in the first place. :”)

#caroline recs #a few days late but here it is!

[gaythingliker69]

PLEASE READ

TW: transphobia, mentions of hate crime

Hi, so since my post the other night I feel a sort of responsibility to tell people the situation of trans people in the UK. The short answer is it’s really bleak. The first thing I’ll mention is that in 2017 a trans woman was given residency in New Zealand from the UK as she faced “persecution” for her gender identity. The NZ authorities ruled that to send her back here would be “unduly harsh”. This must be at the forefront of everyone’s mind when trans rights come up in the UK, though it’s been forgotten over the last few years.

At that point the Labour Party was sort of ok for trans rights, with then leader Jeremy Corbyn calling for self ID. He certainly wasn’t perfect but he was better than his replacement. Corbyn was replaced by Sir Keir Starmer last year, and in his campaign for the leadership he refused to sign a pledge for trans rights, which was signed by his competitors Rebecca Long-Bailey and Lisa Nandy. The fourth contender, Emily Thornberry, refused to sign the pledge but spoke of her support for trans rights after the fact. Gemma Stone, a trans woman who said she was considering joining Labour but decided against it, described Starmer’s silence on the issue as “deafening”.

These days, Parliamentary support for trans rights comes from the backbenches - Members of Parliament who don’t hold a position as a government minister or shadow government minister. These include Zarah Sultana (the responses on that tweet are awful, but gives you an idea of what we’re up against) and Nadia Whittome of the Labour left, and Layla Moran of the Liberal Democrats, the first MP to identify as openly pansexual. Nicola Sturgeon, leader of the Scottish National Party, has called transphobia “not acceptable” in her party. However, Moran lost the LD leadership contest to Sir Ed Davey in 2020, so no party in Parliament in England and Wales has a platform for trans rights. Starmer has appeared to embolden transphobia by not cracking down on MPs like Rosie Duffield. We are very much on our own. Even on the far left, often accused of supporting trans rights as a means to undermine Western civilisation or something (I joke but I think you get my point), has major issues with it. The Communist Party of Britain has rumours and allegations of transphobia in its ranks, and the Communist Party of Great Britain (Marxist-Leninist) infamously referred to LGBT+ politics as “anti-Marxist” and “anti working class”. Are there no working class LGBT+ people? Regardless, even the people who are labelled as liking us don’t appear to.

And Johnson’s Conservatives are a non starter. Just this year, they proposed making unenrolled deed polls (a method of quickly changing your name) invalid. This would mean there is a publicly available list of trans people and other vulnerable individuals, like those trying to escape or disassociate from abusive partners. The process would require consent from any spouse (the only other process of this nature that requires this is gender recognition for trans people) and the addresses of those who have changed their names would be public knowledge. I shouldn’t have to tell you how dangerous that is. It also appears there is little being done to stop the rise in hate crime, which were reported to have quadrupled last year. Politics is openly hostile from nearly every corner, it would seem.

In terms of healthcare there has been a similar decline. The BBC described waiting lists of over 3 years for gender clinics as “hell” (bear in mind this article was written before the pandemic hit the UK), though there were claims on Twitter that these times were up to 60 months in some places. These waiting times can lead to people taking the unfamiliar and often expensive private route. The High Court recently ruled that under 16s are unlikely to be able to give informed consent on puberty blockers, a troubling ruling that could have dangerous consequences depending on how the courts extend it in the future. The ruling that puberty blockers can only be used after you’ve gone through the bulk of puberty is a really curious one from a logical standpoint - they are not hormones, they are not irreversible. But I fear that’s what the courts or Parliament will come for next.

If you’re looking for an alternative source with different information from someone older, here’s a decent thread on how British transphobia partly emerged from the Skeptics in the Pub movement, making it unique to this hellish little rock.

This overview is really brief, and it would require me going a lot further in depth to go into how the media has fed into this, the controversies surrounding certain private doctors, or different groups and dog whistles they’ve adopted. But for now, I honestly feel quite helpless. There’s not much you can do to affect Parliament, especially not with the new laws coming in around protest in the Police, Crime, Sentencing, and Courts Bill. Petitions are useless unless they’re done through the Parliament website. If they gain 10,000 signatures they go to a petitions committee, then maybe the House of Commons itself. Only to be almost definitely voted down by Johnson’s Conservatives and their majority. Just please, spread this for all of us living here, and give any sort of suggestions for action. I fear this is going to get far worse before it gets better. We can but hope I’m wrong.

Update: 05/05/21

There have been some recent developments that I’m gonna note. I might use this as a sort of compilation document of documenting our position here.

Maya Forstater was a contracted consultant at the Centre for Global Development. Her contract wasn’t renewed in 2019 after a series of transphobic Twitter posts caused staff to complain about her. She received support from the Index for Censorship and was able to crowdfund her campaign. At the Central London Employment Tribunal, Judge James Tayler branded her views “not worthy of respect in a democratic society”. He said that her views weren’t protected under the Equality Act 2010 as they “violated the dignity” of trans people due to her insistence on misgendering. Judge Tayler did not say she couldn’t conduct so called ‘gender critical’ campaigns.

Part of Tayler’s judgement from the above linked article, the judgement itself can be read here. Various views on the case can be found in the ‘Reaction to the tribunal judgement’ of the Wikipedia article.

Forstater appealed, and there is yet to be a judgement. However, the Equality abs Human Rights Commission has intervened to say that Forstater’s beliefs are protected under the Equality Act as they are philosophical beliefs. The irony in this should be clear. The equality watchdog making an effort to protect bigotry over people’s right not to face abuse. I’ll update this when the decision is handed down, which will be later in the year.

#trans #lgbt #lgbtqiia+ #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq rights #transgender #mtf #ftm #ftm transgender #mtf trans #mtf transgender #ftm trans #trans rights

[luxekook]

chapter four.

⇥ pairing: ot7 x reader

⇥ genre: college au with fluff, smut & angst

⇥ summary: a series in which the reader meets (and falls for) seven members of the Beta Tau Sigma (BTS) fraternity

⇥ word count: 3.3k

⇥ warnings: 18+, cursing, dirty talk, noona kink, general chaotic energy, poly relationships, slight implications of switch!reader and sub!jk, jin being a beautiful mess, make-out sesh with multiple people oops

⇥ beta reader: the lovely @shadowsremedy​

© luxekook. please do not repost, modify, edit or translate.

characters | prologue | one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine

Chapter Four

Taehyung’s Room, BTS House – 10:49pm

“Alright. What do you want to know?”

Namjoon’s question fills the room. The boys all stare at me with anticipation, leaning forward with furrowed brows.

I ponder my course of action for all of two seconds before launching into my well-practiced rant, “I want to know what sort of sick prank you think you’re playing, because I am not falling for it. I mean – all of you wanting to date one person? Date me? Seems fake, but okay.”

Some of the boys move to interrupt me, but I thrust up a palm, “No, please let me finish. I know I don’t really have the right to make judgements about you guys, but I have seen some misogynistic behavior from your frat. So, I feel like it’s not that far-fetched for me to think that you’re probably playing me.”

“Messy gymnast behavior? What’s that?” Jungkook whispers to Hoseok who just shrugs, looking equally as baffled.

“Misogynistic, Kook, not messy gymnast,” Namjoon pinches his nose in frustration, “It means prejudiced against women.”

Seokjin and Jimin descend into fits of laughter. Hoseok still looks mildly perplexed, and Yoongi takes a large sip of soju from a bottle he procured from god knows where within the last few minutes.

Covering his face, Jungkook dives behind Jin in hopes of further hiding his embarrassment.

“I think I know what she’s talking about.”

The room quiets at Taehyung’s interjection. He reluctantly sits up from his relaxed position on his bed and explains, “When we met at our party last semester, she found out about our old pledge tradition.”

“Oh, damn,” Jimin sighs, “So that’s why you motioned to remove it from the chapter’s history at the last meeting.”

“Yeah,” Tae looks me in the eyes, “We voted removed it, (y/n) ... A little too late though, it seems.”

Jungkook peeks his head out from behind Jin’s shoulder, “We’re sorry, noona.”

Trying not to internally melt in response at the youngest’s display of classic puppy-dog eyes, I slump against the wall and slide into a sitting position on the floor. “Look, I’m not going to say that ‘it’s okay’ because it’s not. But I do appreciate that you removed it.”

The boys hang their heads, looking properly chastised.

“That’s fair,” Namjoon finally says quietly, “We know as a frat we fucked up. We’re not perfect. We make a lot of mistakes. But we’re trying to get back to being respectable and move on from here.”

“We’re trying to get back your respect,” Yoongi rubs the back of his neck, looking at me with wide eyes and more attentiveness than I’ve ever seen from him.

“But that’s the other thing,” I look away, pulling at a random thread fraying off of the sleeve of my sweatshirt, “Why does it matter so much that I respect you? Why are you all so invested in me all of a sudden? In all honesty, I haven’t said more than two words in conversation to half of you.”

“Yeah, that doesn’t really matter,” Namjoon shrugs, shifting to lean casually against the wall.

My eyes narrow, “How can it not matter?”

“Because we date as a group, (y/n)-noona,” Jimin smiles down at me from his perch on Taehyung’s bed, all squishy cheeks and crinkled eyes, “Tae thought we’d all like you, and then Jungkookie and Joon-hyung agreed and—”

Hoseok excitedly chimes in, arms swinging wildly, “And finding someone who we all like hasn’t happened in so long, and I’m so happy!”

“Yah, Hobi!” Jin reaches over Jungkook to shove the bouncing boy, “We’re supposed to be playing it cool. We have to woo her.” He winks and blows me a kiss.

Instinctively, I swat it away and then giggle at Seokjin’s indignant gasp.

“I take it back! She’s mean!” Launching into a passionate rant complete with head shaking and wild eyes, Jin continues, “Consider that kiss null and void. I have never been so insulted in my entire life, you know!”

Tears stream down my cheeks as I collapse from laughing alongside the rest of the boys. Namjoon’s dimples are out in full force as he drawls, “Hyung, that’s what you said yesterday when I beat you in Overwatch.”

Seokjin splutters over the now-renewed laughter of his younger brothers, “I thought I told you to never speak of that again!”

Trailing off in mumbles of how he needs new friends and how disrespected he is as an elder, Jin resorts to pouting in the corner.

“You’ll have to excuse Seokjin-hyung, (y/n),” Taehyung smirks at me with raised eyebrows, “He’s skated by solely on his looks up until now.”

Seokjin’s pouting intensifies.

“He is handsome,” I instinctively respond, fully focused on the beauty of Jin’s pouty lips. And when those lips break into a huge grin, I cringe at my lapse in judgement for the thousandth time that night.

“My faith in humanity has been restored!” Jin ambles back to his original spot next to Jungkook and thrusts a paper heart that he apparently had been carrying on his person for quite some time in my direction.

“Hyung,” Hoseok eyes Seokjin with a concerned frown, “Where did you even get that from?”

“That’s one secret I’ll never tell.” Jin barely finishes that sentence before a flurry of pillows, water bottles, and other miscellaneous items are thrown at him from all angles.

“I thought we agreed no more quoting Gossip Girl, Jin-hyung!” Jimin cries as he continues to hit Jin with a pillow from Tae’s bed.

Miraculously still even able to speak under the assault from the other boys, Jin replies with complete sincerity, “XOXO.”

Chaos reigns.

Watching all seven of them in - presumably - their most natural state, I sigh in amusement, “Y’all are too much.”

Somehow the boys hear me, because they all turn to face me once more with various expressions of playfulness and mirth. Jin still lies under the pile of them laughing slightly as they slowly shift off of him.

“Nah, I think we might be just enough for you, noona,” Jungkook pipes up as he plops down on the edge of Taehyung’s bed.

“Yeah? And how do you know that?” A sudden thought occurs to me, “Wait, why do you all even date one person anyway? Don’t you realize like half the campus is in love with each of you?”

“You’re included in that half, right?” Taehyung grins and then shrinks under my withering glare, “I mean, it’s a long story?”

“Oh, hold on,” I check my wrist, which noticeably has no watch, “Mhm, that’s right. It’s story time.”

Jimin snorts and then burrows under the covers in mortification.

“Cute,” Hoseok sighs, staring at me, “I want to keep you.”

And there’s something about having Jung Hoseok’s full attention and adoration that brings me to peak devastation. I pull my hood up over my head and burrow into my sweatshirt.

“Aw!” Various yells rebound around the room. I flip them all off.

“Hobi,” Yoongi teases, “I think she likes you.”

I peek out of the safety of my sweatshirt to eviscerate him with my eyes, but Yoongi just raises one brow coolly and calls me out, “Well, am I wrong, jagi?”

All eyes are on me, and the room is suddenly so quiet that all I can hear is the muffled party downstairs and the beating of my heart.

“... I want my lawyer,” I finally declare, re-emerging from the depths of my sweatshirt and crossing my arms.

“Oh, come on, noona!” Jimin shuffles across the room and kneels in front of me, causing me to descend into a panic, “You like Hoseok-hyung, right? Well, what about me? Do you like me?”

Jimin peers down at me, pink hair tussled and eyes shining. How could I ever say no to that beautiful face? That angelic human?

Must.

Deflect.

“I’ll answer your question if you answer mine. Why do you all date the same person when each of you could have anyone you want?”

Jimin deflates and sits back on his heels, frowning at my non-answer.

“But we do already date everyone we want,” Hoseok cuts in, giggling, “Well, almost.”

They’re already dating people? My mind wracks through all my knowledge of the seven boys sitting before me, but no evidence of them dating anyone pops up. “Wait, I’m confused. Who are you all dating then?”

I can’t help but feel like I’m on the outside of an inside joke as the boys all exchange looks that are all too smug for my liking.

“Seems like we did a good job, boys,” Namjoon chuckles, “People on this campus are pretty oblivious.”

“Nah,” Yoongi shakes his head, “They just choose not to see it. They want us all to be fully available.”

The lightbulb finally flickers on in my mind.

“Oh my sweet baby Jesus,” I whisper, “You’re all dating each other, aren’t you?”

Various nods answer that question. Jin, of course, being Jin, wipes an imaginary tear from his eye as he dramatically laments, “And she’s smart, too? How did we get so lucky, boys?”

“Yoongi,” I say calmly, “Please pass me that soju before I commit murder in this very room.”

Without a word, Yoongi hands me the bottle before settling down in the space next to me against the wall.

Suddenly hyperaware of my positioning, I realize I’m sitting in between Jimin and Yoongi. Jungkook, Taehyung and Hobi now sit together on Tae’s bed, while Jin remains on the floor surrounded by various pillows and debris.

Namjoon is still leaning against the opposite wall, looking way too intimidating and perfect that I’m forced to look away.

That is, until he starts to speak. “(y/n), the seven of us have always been close. We grew up together; and, somehow, we just work as a unit. We work together. It may seem odd or untraditional. Maybe it is. But, it’s who we are. And it’s how we love.”

Namjoon continues, “We don't want to lose what we have together, this dynamic we've spent so long building. But, we’ve been feeling like something has been missing from our relationship lately. We’ve been looking for someone to help complete us.”

“And you think that person is me?” I suck in a jagged breath, “You really want to share me? Do you know how crazy that sounds?”

"There are crazier things," Yoongi shrugs, taking back the bottle of soju from my grasp, "Like how Namjoon has an IQ of 148 but can't seem to live one day without breaking something."

Namjoon, looking affronted, opens and closes his mouth, but ultimately settles on just smiling bashfully. My heart almost explodes at such a display of cuteness.

"It's really not that crazy, (y/n)," Taehyung interrupts my internal fawning, "You seem like a girl who’s intimidated by no one and nothing. We really, really like that. And we figured since you kissed me and Jungkook that you might be interested.”

Embarrassment washes over me. I steal back the soju from Yoongi, who just smirks knowingly.

“Besides, polyamory is actually more common than you think,” Hobi smiles in that pretty heart-shaped way of his.

He has a valid point. Who am I to be the judge of what love looks like? Who am I to criticize these boys who clearly love each other and just want one more person to love? Who am I to deny myself the opportunity to be loved by seven people?

“Can I think about it?" I ask, still fighting the inevitable for whatever reason, "I'm not saying 'no’. I just need a bit of time to think it over."

"Take all the time you need, baby," Namjoon murmurs, looking like I just handed him the keys to the entire world.

"No,” Jimin groans, burrowing his head in the crook of my shoulder, “Please, please, please don't take all the time you need, (y/n)-noona! I can’t wait that long!”

I reach up to stroke my fingers through his pink hair in an attempt to soothe the poor angel.

“Do we have permission to continue to woo you during this ‘thinking’ period?” Jin inquires, casting a look of jealousy at Jimin who is now nestled even further into me.

“Continue?” I ask, “When did you start?”

“Yah!” Seokjin exclaims, “Why does she keep roasting me?”

“I think it’s hot,” Jungkook grins at me with stars in his eyes.

“That’s because you’re a masochist, Kook,” Taehyung cackles from his perch on the bed.

“Ah, hyung!” Jungkook jumps on Taehyung in an effort to silence him, “She doesn’t need to know that yet!”

“I mean, it is pretty obvious,” I pause dramatically, dropping the pitch of my voice, “Baby boy.”

Jungkook yelps and takes off out of the room.

“Shit, was that too much?” I ask, staring at the door thrown open in Jungkook’s wake.

“No,” Tae replies, still laughing, “I think he just needs a second to calm down. I’ll go see where he went.”

Taehyung gets up from the bed and shuffles out the door in search of Jungkook. The open door allows for more sounds from the party to seep into the room.

Namjoon sighs, “I should probably check on what’s happening down there, shouldn’t I?”

“Good luck, man,” Yoongi tears the soju back out of my hand and lifts it up in cheers to Namjoon. Chuckling, Namjoon ambles over to where Yoongi, Jimin and I are crowded together and grabs the soju.

After taking a long sip, he crouches down in front of me and grasps the hand that remains unoccupied by Jimin. Bringing it to his lips, Namjoon places the lightest kiss on my knuckles. “I’m so happy you showed up tonight, baby. I can only hope that my future holds more of you in any way you choose to give me.”

Pressing his lips to my palm this time, Namjoon smiles in that completely devastating way of his and then saunters out of the room. Still gaping, I realize I never even got to say a word to him in response.

“You are so whipped for him already, jagi,” Yoongi says lowly, lips brushing my ear.

I blink. My senses are on overload. Jimin is still curled into my side, with my hand stroking his hair and his lips accidentally grazing the skin of my collarbone every so often. Now, Yoongi is closer than ever. I can feel his breath against my neck and his stare focused on my lips. Meanwhile, Hobi and Jin are slowly but surely shuffling closer to where the three of us are bunched together.

“So what if I am?” I finally answer, “Aren’t you all whipped for him, too?”

“Oh, you have no idea,” Jimin mumbles into my shoulder.

My mind explodes.

“She’s not ready for that yet, Jiminie,” Jin giggles, “I’m pretty sure she’s still half convinced I worship Satan in the basement.”

“Well, I wasn’t before, but now I am,” I jokingly eye Seokjin up and down with an amused smile.

He grins back at me. I melt. And he knows it.

“Can I kiss you?” Jin asks, the slightest smirk curving his lips, a look of hunger burning in his gaze, like he could just eat me up, “Please?”

I swallow and his eyes latch onto the movement of my throat.

Before I can reconsider, I remove myself from my sitting position against the wall, much to Jimin and Yoongi’s dismay, and straddle Jin’s lap, immediately capturing his lips with my own.

The effect is instantaneous. Various groans echo around me as Jin smiles against my mouth. His hands find their way under my sweatshirt and squeeze my hips, dragging my body even closer against his.

The way Jin kisses is life-ruining in its unhurried, yet passionate deliberateness. He kisses me like he’s claiming me, and the possessiveness of his actions send a ripple of excitement through my body. Releasing my mouth, he works his way down the length of my exposed neck, and I gasp in response.

Suddenly, I feel another pair of hands twine around my body from behind as Hobi pleads into my ear, “Can I kiss you, too, (y/n)?”

I nod wordlessly, wondering what I did in my past life to deserve such affection in this one.

“No fair,” I vaguely hear Jimin pouting, “I want to kiss noona.”

“We’ll have our turn, Jiminie,” Yoongi’s voice causes a shudder of anticipation to race down my spine.

“Oh, she likes that idea,” Jin laughs, obviously having felt the tremor that shot though me in response to Yoongi’s suggestion, “Come get a taste.”

“Only if that’s what she really wants,” Yoongi says, meeting my eyes, “Don’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t feel comfortable with, kitten.”

“Kitten?” I growl, eyes narrowed sharply in his direction.

“Yep,” Yoongi’s answering smirk is slow and antagonizing, “All cute and cuddly with a hint of claws.”

“I’ll show you claws,” I say darkly, getting up, “Stand up.”

Yoongi’s eyebrows raise in surprise, “Why?”

“I won’t ask again,” I move closer to him and Jimin.

Yoongi pulls himself to his feet, acting like it was the most physical activity he’d ever done.

When he’s finally done with the dramatics, I move closer until he’s backed right up against the wall, “Min Yoongi, I’m going to shut you up now.”

His breath stutters as I slowly move my mouth closer to his. “Please do—” I cut him off.

Kissing Yoongi is just as intoxicating as kissing Jin, but in a different way. Yoongi tastes like soju and spearmint. His body melts under my touch, completely fine with letting me lead. An idea springs to mind and I slide my hand into his hair and tug lightly. He jolts with a moan.

Bingo. I smirk before kissing him deeper. My other hand winds around him to scratch my nails down his back. This time, I’m awarded with a small whine.

The fact that I’m wrecking this boy is simultaneously wrecking me. That impact doubles when I feel a small hand begin to wind its way up my calf towards my thigh. Tearing my mouth away from Yoongi, I open my eyes to see Jimin smiling up at me, “Can you kiss me like that, too, (y/n)-noona?”

“Why couldn’t you wait your turn, Jiminie,” Yoongi sulks adorably, sensing that my resolve against any request from Jimin was nonexistent.

“Well, aren’t you supposed to be showing me the perks of dating multiple people?” I joke, “Jin and Hobi just shared. Can’t you two?”

Jimin springs up off the floor faster than anyone I’ve ever seen, “Yes! We can share!”

“Good,” I reply, turning in Yoongi’s arms so that my back is pressed against him. He hisses in a breath. “Come here, Jiminie,” I open my arms to the eager boy who all but leaps into them.

“You’re so beautiful, noona,” Jimin sighs, pupils dilated, tongue darting out to lick his bottom lip.

“So are you, baby,” I sigh, bringing a hand up to brush his cheek fondly, “So are you.”

I kiss Jimin gently, treasuring the feel of his plump lips against my own. I trace the tip of my tongue over his bottom lip and his mouth opens in a silent gasp. I use the chance to slip my tongue inside to twine with his.

Through my thoroughly fucked-out haze, I feel Yoongi’s hands settle onto my hips, grinding me slowly against his crotch. I moan into Jimin as Yoongi’s mouth sucks on the side of my neck, surely for the sole reason of marking me.

“Well, shit, JK,” Taehyung’s voice shatters the bubble of pleasure I had been residing within in the middle of four beautiful men. My eyes flutter open to take in the sight of Taehyung holding a box of pizza and a case of beer, with Jungkook right behind him. “Looks like the party started without us.”

a/n: oops, another slight cliff-hanger? *laughs evilly*

taglist: @catsandstrawberries​​ @h5naaa​​ @meowmeowyoongles​​​ @leftflowerprunedonut​​ @rjsmochii​​ @athletes-of-god​​ @karissassirak​​ @cage7241​​ @weallhavesecretsinthebestway​​ @cvbachacbitch​​ @bewitch3dforivar​​​ @honeyspillings​​ @xxonyxpearlxx​​ @valiantcollectorofsandwiches​​ @fivesecondsofsarang​​ @oii-f-eli-x2​​ @joonsroses​​ @theevilyouknow​​​ @jooniescupcakes​​ @expensive-grl​​ @i-dont-even-know-fck​​ @doingmybestalltheftime​​ @elraeee​​ @fangirling-all-the-way-tbh​​ @laced-brds​​ @aokay1010​​ @breeeeh17​​ @lpayne612​​ @peachyharmoney​​ @rilakoya​​ @chulchuchi​​ @tabula-rasa0​​ @guccishookv​​ @nomimits7​​ @i-like-puppy-mg​​ @s-noir​​ @anna-sorel​​ @im-a-space-child​​ @yeontanismypresident​​ @drowning-in-oxygen​​ @team-wang-puppy​​ @lvvegood​​ @anongirl007​​ @may114​​ @r-e-d-i-s-h​​ @unatempesta-dipensieri​​ @dragon-rider-with-a-book​​ @blueberrygeniejam​​ @wondrsblog​​ @heterophobez​​ @vi-hoshi​​ @kirbykook​​ @queen-of--roses​​ @blu-butterfly69​​ @katemwatson​​ @kawaiikpoplover268​​ @amsteramyy​​ @sami4life​​ @a-feeling-of-euphoria​​ @the-jackals​​ @bubbletae7​​ @btsenchanting​​ @platinum-grenade​​ @bunnyboyenthusiast​​ @brightly-byun​​ @oofmeintheheadpls​​ @sadboibts​​ @lidda​​ @goldenwidow3​​ @t-mel19​​ 

blogs that wouldn’t let me tag them for some reason: @awkwardhumambean @seablueberry @sunxxxflowers @tardis1967 

#bangtanhq #btswritingcafe #bangtanarmynet #180knet #hyunglinenetwork #bts #bts fanfic #bts fic #bts x reader #bts smut #bts au #bts imagine #ot7 x reader #bts ot7 #namjoon #seokjin #yoongi #hoseok #jimin #taehyung #jungkook #poly bts #college bt #namjoon x reader #seokjin x reader #jungkook x read #yoongi x reader #hoseok x reader #taehyung x reader #jimin x reader

[inmyarmswrappedin]

So, because Fatou’s season ends today and, as far as we know, Druck hasn’t been renewed yet, I want to go over the things I feel the team did well in this season and the things I hope they take with them when they sit down to write the next season (which I’m manifesting will be Ava’s).

I think that s5 and, perhaps to a bigger extent, s6, were the team’s attempt to address fan feedback for and criticisms of s3 and s4. So I have hopes that, after possibly the most scrutinized season of any Skams, they are still willing to read even more feedback and sit down once again to craft a couple more seasons (possibly even 3 or 4 more seasons!).

So, without further ado, things that were done well! (Do I have to add “in my opinion”? Do I??)

I liked that for both s5 and s6, the thorough-line for the season wasn’t made obvious or shared in a press release, but rather it was up to fans to connect the story threads for themselves.

I loved that the team sought to address one of the biggest criticisms of s3, that is, that Matteo was given so many symptoms of a mental illness, but it ultimately went unaddressed in the narrative. They did this by giving Nora a dissociative disorder, and Fatou dyscalculia. (Matteo has been headcanoned as being mentally ill and having a disability.) It allowed the teams to develop both fan theories into full-blown seasons and give each of them the importance they deserved.

I have said this already, but I really appreciate that the team chose misunderstood, misrepresented and underrepresented mental illnesses and disabilities. I feel like s5 and s6 will be referents for many years, because they really took the time to portray a dissociative disorder and dyscalculia in a down-to-earth, unhurried way that isn’t meant to shock and awe, but simply allow us to understand why and when Nora and Fatou will struggle. Druck got the viewers to anticipate when Nora and Fatou would struggle, and that’s the first step in being able to anticipate and accommodate the needs of the Noras and Fatous of the world. I really can’t overstate how important this is and what a difference it makes in a real, tangible way. These seasons aren’t meant to be enjoyed for voyeuristic reasons, but they will legitimately help people.

One of the biggest criticisms of s4 was that Amira and Sam didn’t connect as women of color. In fact, it seemed like in s4 Sam was treated as another white friend, when in s2 both she and Amira were the victims of Kiki’s racism. The team addressed this by giving us Ava and Fatou’s friendship, which I want to say might be the first friendship between main characters of color where their race is a substantial reason for their bond. (There are the Sanas with their Jamillas, but the Jamillas aren’t main characters, and then there are friendships like Jo and Megan and Zoya, or Imaan and Liv, or Luca and Yasmina, but iirc in every case their bond as women of color isn’t made explicit.)

Another criticism of s4 was the way Kiki turned into the world’s most understanding white friend offscreen. The team addressed this with the Ava and Mailin storyline, which I think was wonderfully and subtly set up in s5, then built on with the biology test leaked answers.

On the topic of race, I think a major criticism of s3 was that David’s ethnicity wasn’t acknowledged (to the point where a white actress was cast to play his sister gvhvhv). The team has made up for this with Josh (more in the s6 sm than in s5, but I still count it) and with Kieu My. Fatou and Kieu My bonded over being first/second gen children of immigrants, and in doing so, they acknowledged that these characters aren’t white and have different experiences than white Germans.  

The first 6 episodes of this season were some of the finest writing in the Skams. The storylines all connected and built on each other. The motifs were just so good and beautiful and fitting. The themes were all clearly defined and easy to follow.

The tortoise plot was one of the most fun and imaginative storylines in any Skams, it connected Fatou and Ismail in a believable way. And not to rave about a fucking tortoise, but animals can be really uncooperative and that tortoise delivered every fucking clip. Druck has a reputation for being one of the most depressive versions of Skam, but the Maike/Burger plot was just plain fun.

I feel like some of the old gen’s instas were a bit self-indulgent. I’m thinking specifically of Matteo’s memes and how they they weren’t necessarily the kind of memes a gay dude born in 2001 would pick, but someone a decade older. I think this is much better done with new gen. Fatou’s memes reflect her age and her sexuality, and not just that, but Ava, Mailin, Kieu My, Josh, etc. all pick memes and even focus on different aspects of recent news, based on their gender, race, personalities, interests, etc.

I appreciate that the team found a way to fit a sex scene between Fatou and Kieu My to add to the small catalogue of wlw sex scenes on Skams (I’m including the scene in lovleg or we’d only have two lol). While I understood the reasons eskam opted not to include one, I thought there were ways to feature a sex scene that didn’t sexualize the actresses and didn’t require nudity. Cases in point: the lovleg scene, and this scene in Druck.

And it also needs to be said. This is the first original season with a main of color, and the third season overall (after Liv and Imane) where 10 episodes are given to a character of color and no one else. Of the three, it’s certainly the season that loved and respected its main the most. The bar is so low it’s in hell, but Druck did clear that bar!

With all that said, let’s talk about the things I would really want the team to address in following seasons:

The thing I most want them to fix might be small or unimportant for a lot of people, but I think it’s at the core of why the season has been unenjoyable or certain plot points haven’t come across the way the team wanted, for many people. I am talking about the overly expositional nature of the writing.  It appears as if the team approached the writing of the clips with the intention of hitting each beat as noted in their agreed upon outline, and absolutely nothing else was to be added. This is an issue both in s5 and s6. It’s just less noticeable in s5, because s5 is setting up stuff for Fatou’s season, and possibly even seasons that haven’t been written yet. The fact that absolutely every second counts makes for a stressful watching experience for me, because the narrative tension is always heightened. Whereas with Skam, the narrative tension would build throughout the clip. Take the Pride scene in Skam, for instance. The clip allows for Isak and Eskild to get increasingly more agitated as they butt heads. I feel like if this Druck team had done the Pride scene in s5 or s6, the clip would’ve started with both Isak and Eskild already on edge, and cut much of the dialogue that got them there.

On the topic of naturalistic dialogue, this season doesn’t have it. Here is an example from ep 10 clip 2, Wieder vereint/Reunited 11:37.

Fatou: I’ll get a certificate too and bring it over to you. And I checked it, I only have to change one course and my schedule will work.

Teacher: Miss Jallow, you are not the first one to come to me with an epiphany. We could fill entire school weeks with the lessons you missed. In addition, Doctor Steinberg told me about your, well… activities. You don’t have a lot of arguments on your side. 

Fatou: But I’ve spoken to all of the teachers and they said they are okay with it. 

Teacher: You seem to have friends among the teaching staff. Mrs Pavlovic put in a word for you. Okay then, do it and go before I change my mind. [translated by @kieu-tou! Thank you!] 

Like. This is the bare bones version of a dialogue. This should be the first draft, not the final version. The coordinator goes from absolute no to yes, with just one line from Fatou. The coordinator gives reasons that would necessitate more than one sentence of counterargument, like Fatou’s absences and the Biology test leaked answers. The coordinator even says Fatou doesn’t have a lot of arguments on her side, and yet it takes Fatou one line to change her mind!

And of course we viewers don’t want or need a lot of time with the coordinator. And particularly at this point in the season, no one would enjoy a naturalistic dialogue with the coordinator of all people.  But my point is that this is an issue with the dialogue all this season (and last season as well, but this season has been more scrutinized), the reason I picked this example is because of how easy it is to see here.

Which brings us to the pacing of the clips, and specifically the Friday clips. Because the script goes straight to the information the team wants to convey to the viewers, skipping the build up to it, many Friday clips have fallen flat, felt abrupt, and have been, tbh, unsatisfying. Again, I had this issue in s5, but as that season went on, I felt like the team had a better grip on Friday clips. But then they did it again in the first Friday clip this season, and so I think this is something the writers really should work on. The first Friday clip in Isak’s season closes on Isak being sandwiched by Emma and Even on a bench, visually setting up the love triangle, or more accurately, the personifications of who Isak should want to hook up with and who he really wants. But in order to get there, we’re shown a good amount of info, from the way Vilde, Eva and Sana are handling Noora’s absence, to Chris and Kasper, Even hovering around Isak, Emma trying to impress Isak, Isak escaping and, like, draping himself on the walls because he’s so over it all. Isak playing a game on the bathroom to stall for time. The paper towel maneuver to immediately give us a sense of what a weirdo Even is. A conversation between Isak and Even that gives us some clues about Even’s shame, as well as establish interests in common (like weed), and this is all before Emma even joins them! Just think of all the stuff we learn about who Isak, Even, Emma, Eva, Vilde or Sana are as people, before we get to the point of the clip! Fatou’s season simply didn’t have that. Compare it with the first Friday clip of Fatou’s season where the cashqueens quickly talk about the leaked answers, one of the major storylines this season that only gets a couple lines, before Fatou says she doesn’t want to talk about school (Fatou’s struggles with school, another major storyline), and then we’re onto the point of the clip, which is that Kieu My likes girls too. AND FADE TO BLACK. When people say they want longer clips, what they mean isn’t artificially inflate the clip length or add more plot stuff. Just let us watch the characters interact with each other so that we get a feel for how they relate to each other. I know I wish we’d have gotten more of Ava and Fatou interacting with each other before things turned to shit, and Ava with the other girls, so that I know why they all like and value Ava so much. I wish we’d have gotten more of Kieu My talking to the cashqueens about, like, why she didn’t make use of the biology test answers, instead of getting it on a chat. Or food combos they don’t like. So it makes more sense that later on Kieu My actually thinks she and Fatou are friends.  And every line doesn’t have to count. In Skam España, the characters are constantly talking and not everything they ever talked about ended up being relevant. When one of the characters lied about her house undergoing renovations to hide the fact that she was poor, the characters joked about Italian marble and put on bad Italian accents and made that Italian hand gesture. None of this was important to the plot because those renovations weren’t real to begin with, but they made viewers feel like these were real friends joking around, instead of characters needing to hit every storyline beat in a clip.

I have this joke with my friends about Druck always going 🤪🤪 in the last third of every season, in which a season that was very tightly written and cohesive suddenly pulls something inexplicable and pretty much impossible to resolve in 1-3 episodes. Hanna’s season suddenly switching to Mia, Björn creeping on Mia in episode 9! of a total 10, David getting outed in episode 8 and then disappearing for a whole week, Amira’s season pivoting to Mia and Hanna. It has happened in every season except Nora’s, so I thought the team had learned its lesson, but then the forgotten date with Ava happened. To be clear. It really makes no sense that Nora would have hung out with Ava several times since Tuesday, and the topic of the cashqueens being officially introduced to Kieu My wouldn’t have come up. it’s just not realistic.gif I feel like at that point the writing for the rest of the reason became super contrived to keep Fatou miserable and apart from Kieu My and Ava to artificially delay the reunions until episode 9 and 10. Why add a cheating insinuation and the main checking her partner’s messages in episode 8 if you know you won’t be able to properly resolve it? Why make Kieu My mock Fatou’s “uhm” if it’s not going to be addressed in their reunion clip? Kieu My had taken the initiative for a lot of the relationship, so it’s okay for Fatou to take the initiative when it comes to making up. You don’t have to add things that can only be resolved through an expositional info dump. (Please no more exposition than it’s necessary! I think we’ve established that at this point lol.) In the case of Fatou’s season, this is even sadder because I feel like Kieu My’s intimacy issues could’ve been the reason to drive them apart for two weeks, rather than the Maya/uhm stuff. This could’ve also been resolved through Fatou and Kieu My explicitly negotiating their boundaries and how they want to be comforted and how they want to comfort each other, which I thought was the issue with Fatou rejecting Kieu My’s attempts to help while wanting physical touch, while Kieu My didn’t want to be touched but rather seen.  

There are going to be many thinkpieces on why a myriad of stuff didn’t work for people, so I’m going to keep this simple and address one last thing. I think that choosing to focus on Nora’s mental illness and Fatou’s disability is a great choice that doesn’t complicate the themes too much, but Druck (and all the Skams, but I’m invested only in Druck succeeding at this point) still struggles with being intersectional. This is the major reason why the Ava/Mailin storyline ended not with a bang, but a whimper. There just wasn’t enough work done to connect Fatou’s struggles not just to her disability, but also to her race (and even her sexuality). I think that if people really want (and lbr, it’ll be mostly poc who will put in that effort and work), they can see how Fatou’s race affected the way other people and especially adults reacted to her, but this wasn’t made explicit. If Ava and Mailin are going to argue about racism all season, why not connect that with Karin firing Fatou from Aquarius? As it stands, Karin fired Fatou because of a disability neither of them knew Fatou has, and that was the resolution to that storyline. Why not make it explicit that the Physics teacher had preconceived ideas about Fatou because Fatou is black? Why wasn’t Fatou’s disability addressed in the meeting with the coordinator? Why didn’t Fatou express to Mailin that Fatou, too, had issues with how Mailin was acting wrt racism? It felt like, with the way the season was putting so much emphasis on racism, all these threads were going to be connected. In the end though, it almost felt as if only Ava is affected by racism (aside from Mailin mentioning Fatou in the last episode). It’s not like talking about how racism affects Fatou is going to make the topic redundant for Ava’s or Ismail’s season. As a light-skinned black lesbian with a disability, Fatou’s life is going to be impacted by racism in a different way than Ava’s will, as a dark-skinned black fat straight cis girl, or Ismail’s, as a Turkish-German possibly Muslim possibly non binary person. All these experiences are specific enough, and different enough, that they can be touched upon in different seasons without becoming redundant. The fact that Fatou’s season almost seemed to forget at times that she is a black lesbian, doesn’t bode well for Ava’s and Ismail’s season to acknowledge all their struggles.

The bottom line is that this season really was great and did a lot of good, and I feel like the writing just needs to be tweaked a bit for further seasons to be even better and more enjoyable overall. I am very pleasantly surprised by how the team took s1-s4 fan feedback to heart and worked to implement suggestions, and so I really trust them and hope they keep working on the show. It’d be a shame if Druck wasn’t renewed, with this team at the helm.    

#druck #this post is 3K+ words in word I'm so sorry #but I really hope it makes its way to the writers and is helpful

[forthisone]

Shadow and Bone Trilogy Book Review

Long, rambling, sometimes-capslock thoughts on the Shadow and Bone trilogy, having just a couple of hours ago finished reading the trilogy of Shadow and Bone, Seige and Storm and Ruin and Rising.

MALYEN ORETSEV IS TOO PURE FOR THIS WORLD AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL.

Fair warning: Major spoilers for the whole series and ending, entire focus on Mal/Alina 😅 I apologise for nothing.

I THINK THIS MIGHT BE THE FIRST TIME I’VE EXPERIENCED A SHIP I REALLY LOVE HAVE A HAPPY ENDING. Hooooooly shit. It feels good.

😭😭😭

Leigh Bardugo really served up everything I want to see! Give me all the tropes! All the angst! All the longing! AND with a happy ending?! *chef’s kiss*

I’m shook.

It feels amazing that for once in my life, something I ship has finally finished front and centre and I am absolutely here for it!

So let’s first clarify that I went in to the books just after finishing S1 of the Netflix show, already head over heels in love with Mal/Alina and rooting for them the whole way through. They are the reason I read the books. In the stories that I enjoy, I value love above all other aspects of the story; it’s just who I am.

The Pain of Siege and Storm

I admit, about 50% of this trilogy and the majority of Book 2 and early Book 3 was me in pain just wondering why they couldn’t be together and why they kept pushing each other away. Book 2 was an emotional rollercoaster ngl. I was frustrated that they spent so much time being miserable around eachother but were never allowed to be happy or give in to their feelings? They are best friends. Mal wants to support her. LET HIM SUPPORT HER. Let her confide in him and find comfort in him.

Endgame? Not Endgame?

This went on in a similar vein for some time and towards the end of Book 3, I was getting increasingly worried they weren’t endgame and this was indeed all leading up to Mal ultimately sacrificing himself... which obviously did happen...

But when Alina says “Bring him back to me.”, I just thought “THANK YOU. VINDICATION. THIS IS WHAT HAPPINESS FEELS LIKE.” and I knew we were home and dry and my god it felt good.

But I was so happy with the ending. It’s exactly what I wanted to happen, though I didn’t expect it... AND THEN IT HAPPENED. For them to go back to how they were and live the rest of their days in quiet happiness. Neither of them asked for this. They just belonged with eachother.

The last line of the book:

They had an ordinary life, full of ordinary things - if love can ever be called that.

HAPPY SIGH. YES.

More on this below.

People hate Mal?!?

I... don’t understand why so many fans apparently don’t like Mal. ?!?!????!? I had heard this before reading and went in to the books with trepidation. I was waiting for him to do something awful to justify the hate and... it just never happened. Is it just the way he behaves in Siege and Storm? Because I do accept he is slightly more problematic in the books than the show but Y’ALL KNOW HE WAS ONLY IN THAT PIT OF DESPAIR BECAUSE HE FELT LIKE HE WAS LOSING HER. She never really reassured him that much, if anything she confirmed his fears (from his pov anyway). And he was right to doubt her, because she was doubting her feelings too in secret, and he could feel it.

BUT. But he accepts it in Ruin and Rising. He grows into it. He accepts they can’t be together as they are. And he still stays, only to protect her, to keep her safe. He never asks for more than that. “You are my flag. You are my nation.” Roast me over a slow fire.

You will never, ever convince me not to root for the childhood best friend who loves her unconditionally and knows her better than anyone else and will die for her and will spend the rest of his days just being close to her, to protect her, even if that’s all he ever gets. This is the hill I will die on.

And then she comes back to him. 🤧🤧🤧

The Love Square

So, in terms of love interests for Alina:

Mal >>> Nikolai >>>>>>>>>>>>> Darkling

Wasn’t a fan of the love square here. I understand if she has feelings for different people, I respect everyone’s right to ship what they want, but I honestly had whiplash. One second she’s “in physical pain” missing Mal, next she is “drawn to” the Darkling, then wants to kiss Nikolai. I’m extremely monogamous and that’s probably why all this chopping and changing just felt really jarring to me.

I liked Nikolai as a character but I valued their friendship and I just wanted their relationship to remain platonic. I’m happy with how his storyline ended too. I hope he’s okay!

Mainly I did not understand why she was still drawn to the Darkling after all the loved ones he slaughtered in front of her. Fuck him, honestly (Ben Barnes I still love you though).

But this line near the end kind of summed it up for me, I guess:

Merzost. Darkness. You could hate it and hunger for it at the same time.

But I no longer care about any of this because my ship was endgame, baby! 😭😭😭

The Finale

I am glad Mal become more “important” in the end. That there was a magical bond between them. (I feel a little dumb I didn’t see it coming that he was an amplifier, because I did clock on to the jolts of light that happened when he grabbed her wrist and thought it was foreshadowing something).

I like even more that they agreed they would have found each other despite it.

“Maybe that brought us together, but it didn’t make us who we are. It didn’t make you the girl who could get me to laugh when I had nothing. It sure as hell didn’t make me the idiot that took that for granted. Whatever there is between us, we forged it. It belongs to us."

I was waiting for the scene in the conservatory the entire time and it was so perfect! Worth the wait! I can’t wait to see the aesthetics of it in the show. The flowers, the greenery... the lanterns. It was so pretty in my head!

I could pretend I wasn’t a saviour or a Saint, that I could simply choose him, have a life, be in love. That we wouldn’t have one night, we would have thousands.

It was a perfect ending for me really because I got both the angsty hero-sacrifices-himself-for-protagonist-and-greater-good scene AND the happy ending. I’ve honestly been spoilt 😂 My shipper heart has never been so satisfied.

The actual plot of the ending was a complete blur and I have no idea what happened other than Alina lost her power and the Darkling died and... some other people became light summoners? I think? I was so focused on whether Mal would live or not I couldn’t really process the rest! I will have to reread.

It’s a shame that Alina no longer has her power and that Mal lost some of his tracking skill in the end, but... I’ll take it for a happy ending where they spend the rest of their lives together as equals. It’s not like Mal stole her power from her. They both made sacrifices and in the end, they still won.

The shrieks of the volcra erupted around me as the Fold began to unravel. It was a miracle. And I didn’t care. The Saints could keep their miracles. The Grisha could keep their long lives and their lessons. Mal was dead.

I love that most of the book is all about her feeling the pull of her powers, feeling changed by it, drifting from Mal… but in the end, when it’s all done and over, she doesn’t care. She wants none of it. She chooses him. She wants him back. This is what I was waiting the whole series to read, honestly. Love conquers all, baby.

I just love that there were all these passages about their love not being possible because “they weren’t the same people any more” and the boy and girl from the orphanage were gone... and yet, it ends with the boy and the girl at the orphanage. Just like how it started. It's so obvious to me now that the whole story was about THE BOY AND THE GIRL. Every Before and After. It was right there all along.

THANK YOU, LEIGH BARDUGO.

My soul can now die happy.

I thought it was a really beautiful story.

Would happily reread. Will happily reread.

Im definitely going to continue with the other Grishaverse books too.

Can’t wait for more of the show because I’m honestly in love with the casting and this pairing and this series. Please, please, God, let it be renewed, and with the same cast, and covering the whole trilogy!

#shadow and bone #siege and storm #ruin and rising #grishaverse #mal x alina #mal and alina #malina #malyen oretsev #alina starkov #true north #book review #spoilers #sab spoilers

[vickyvicarious]

Can I have four headcannons for Hugh O'Connor, please?

Headcanon A:  realistic

When he wins the redone mock-trial and gets the seminar from Phoenix, he’s very excited about it (especially being gained on his own merits). However, rather than really focusing on any particulars about the law or anything like that, Phoenix spends most of his time beating down Hugh’s ideas that he has to be perfect or nothing else is worth it. He uses liberal examples from his own career of all the times he’s screwed up (sometimes truly monumentally) and luck or determination or intervention from friends saved him. Phoenix talks a lot of shit about both himself and Hugh but then tells him that he likes Hugh, that he reminds him a lot of himself in certain ways. He sprinkles in some talk about bluffing, how to think critically, the proper finger point, etc., but for the most part it’s just all about Feelings and such. Hugh finds the whole process difficult to sit through in several ways but in the end he does feel a bit better about himself and his determination is renewed to never give up. He also gets Phoenix’s phone number and a strict order to call once he passes the bar.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

Contrary to his expectations of his greatest shame being revealed, Hugh’s popularity doesn’t even take a slight dip. Sure, some people talk crap about him having a head start, but a lot of them feel bad for him, or admire his loyalty to his friend to the point of trying to get convicted. People start hitting him up to buy them beer, or just generally finding him a lot more approachable. The whole construction gig is also not seen as shameful at all by anyone but him, and in fact people start basically trying to use him as their handyman. Without the false confidence of being a genius, Hugh is pretty dang awkward in most social situations, and has a hard time saying no to these requests. And of course, his archery skill is still actually legit, so the clubmates who admired him but found him unapproachable are now just all up in his face asking for archery tips and whatnot. So he winds up weirdly more popular than he ever was before, and regularly panic-brags about it to Juniper and Robin hoping they will rescue him somehow. (They do not. They find it all hilarious and also, good for him.)

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

After learning that his parents have been buying his grades (and letting him brag to them about his emerging genius), Hugh is crushed. Once the trial is over there’s a big commotion at the school about whether to expel him, but he’s allowed to stay on the basis that he didn’t know about the bribery. I can’t remember if they go into why his parents were buying his grades so this may be totally against canon, but in my head they dote on him and it’s out of love. They genuinely just want him to be happy and don’t know how to deal with his perfectionism and self-hatred or anxieties about being a failure, so they decided to step in. It was short-sighted, since they couldn’t ensure a career or even that he’d pass the bar, but it was out of love. Still, Hugh is too betrayed to ever trust them again. He actually paid for most of his school fees with his construction earnings, but he promises to pay them back for all the money they spent on him both legally and otherwise, regardless of the fact they don’t want it. And then he cuts contact. Eventually, years down the line, he starts speaking to them more, but still only a couple times a year and he finds it very hard to accept any gifts or praise from them, always doubting that it’s fake again.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

Hugh joins the Wright Anything Agency after he finally graduates and passes the bar. It takes a little while, and Robin and Juniper are further along in their careers than he is, but they remain extremely close. Hugh has already been invited to visit the WAA several times before (and then conned into helping Trucy build magic trick props), and has had enough time to grow comfortable around them. Trucy regularly runs circles around him, but he eventually develops a brotherly relationship with her. While he respects Phoenix and has a sort of familial/mentee relationship with him, the attorney he learns the most from is Athena. He trains as her co-counsel, and she helps him to be more honest about his emotions and manage his anxiety better on a daily basis. He still has a tendency to get caught up in his own head and arrogant about himself/crash brutally back down to earth and mope, but he has more real confidence in his own skills and is better able to pick himself back up and keep going. He grows to admire Athena as a true genius - legally, socially, and so on - and despite being younger than he is, she plays more of a Mia role to his Phoenix (without the dying obviously). Hugh will never get his own game, but in my head he does, and the dynamic of a group of friends who right from the start openly support and love one another while being on opposing sides of the courtroom is a new and interesting one.

.

send me a character to get four headcanons!

#ace attorney #hugh o'connor #i always forget about hugh but i actually like him a lot #cleverhardy #replies #headcanons

[stoll-mydam-heart]

Snow Angels

Jeyna oneshot repost from my insta but someone wanted me to post it here too so I hope you enjoy, loves <3

Reyna had never seen the snow. She’d seen pictures and movies and had the idea of what it would be like, but had never experienced it first hand. From her time with Lupa, the small hope that she’d be able to go explore the mountains with the pack had been trampled, and then, she’d found her way to New Rome. It was a long, grueling process but now she sat alongside Jason Grace in the senate room, their meeting having just been adjourned, teens in togas filing out, trying their best not to trip.

Octavian stepped up to her and she had to refrain from rolling her eyes.

“Reyna-”

“Praetor,” she interrupted, relishing in the way he ground his teeth, obviously biting back a remark.

“Praetor, I hope you realize the mistake you're making by not addressing the issue. We were sent a bad omen by the Gods, it’s not something to ignore.”

“I wasn’t disagreeing that this is something we need to pay attention to, I’m just saying that the plans you want to implement are unrealistic. In case you’ve forgotten Jason and I are the praetors placed in charge by the people to make the best decisions that would benefit all of Rome, not you. We just received this news and it’s best not to make any rash decisions. Have you forgotten your role as augur?”

“I’m aware of my role but-”

“Then are you questioning my leadership?” Her patience was waning and she not so subtly started stroking aurum 

“Not necessarily,” he said, eyeing the dog,  “ I just don’t think you understand the gravity-”

“This is not information we will take lightly but things take time. Thank you for your input but the meeting was adjourned, you’ve been dismissed.” Her tone was clear, she wanted him to leave and from the look on his face he understood, yet he persisted.

“But-”

“Dismissed.” Octavian's eyes closed, fists tightly clenched at his sides, the thin papery white of his skin stretched over his knuckles as he took a deep breath.

“Yes, Praetor.” He turned on his heel and stiffly walked out of the building, leaving the two praetors alone.

“Gods he’s such an ass.”

Despite her frustration, she couldn’t help the short laugh that bubbled from her chest as she looked towards the blonde-haired son of Jupiter. His electric blue eyes stared back at her with admiration.

“Seriously, I would’ve just zapped him.”

She sighed, standing up with him following. “It takes more willpower than I think I’m capable of every time,” she admitted, seeing the smile that lit up his face from the corner of her eye as they walked out.

The wind hit her bare arms and goosebumps prickled over her skin. It was the last day of November, the new month bringing a temperature change. They walked back to their barracks, changing into their regular clothes, and went to sit on the hill, overlooking all of camp, the sun setting in the distance, basking everything in a seemingly warm glow despite the bitter wind.

“You know, I think we’ve done a pretty good job,” Jason said, tearing his gaze away from the people running around and going through their training regime.

“Hmm?”

“I mean running this place. I mean, we’re 16 and we’re running an entire legion, Rey. That counts for something.” She entertained the thought. Would people see her leadership skills as strong for running the legion as the age she was, or as weak, and immature? People respected her, that was obvious in itself, but she knew people talked, and she wondered what exactly was said behind closed doors.

“I suppose it does,” she finally relented. They sat in comfortable silence until a stronger wind picked up and she shivered. Jason laughed and handed her his jacket, a thing he often did when she was cold which she gratefully wrapped around her shoulders.

“You never were a cold weather person.”

“I’ve never really been in cold weather,” she said a little wistfully. He heard it.

“Do you want to?”

A beat of silence, then, “Yeah, sometimes.” Her head turned towards the mountains far off to the northeast. “I’ve always wanted to see the snow,” she admitted turning back to the sun which had almost been completely swallowed by the horizon.

She had expected Jason to respond, but when she looked at him, his eyebrows were scrunched and he looked lost in a train of thought. In the distance, a horn blew signaling the start of dinner as Jason snapped out of his reverie.

“What were you thinking?”

A small smile made its way to his face as he shook his head and raced down to the pavilion.

Dinner and war games were as usual and everyone went to bed at a normal time. As she lay in bed, waiting for the beginning of the next day, she thought back to her time on the hill and wished that she was in the mountains, without having to worry about holding the legion together, just playing in the snow. 

…………………………………….

The morning she woke up it was abnormally cold. Much colder than she ever remembered it being. Her eyes found the window and she gasped.

Outside, light gray clouds surrounded the camp, a light powdery layer of white resting on the grass as more flakes fell from the sky. It was snowing. A strange child-like wonder filled her as she quickly got changed and practically trampled Jason as she ran outside.

“Woah, I’ve never seen you like this, someone’s excited,” he laughed, holding her shoulders to keep her stable as she regained her balance and composure.

“Jay-how? Did you do this?”

He laughed, “I’m honestly not sure. I couldn’t summon something this big, let alone hold it.”

“Then how? It doesn’t snow in California.” 

“Well, I-” a faint pink, tinted his cheeks, deepening when he looked at her. “I prayed to my dad last night. I don’t know if it’s him since the Gods rarely answer but…” he trailed off, biting his lip in embarrassment.

“Jason this is… incredible. Thank you.”

“Yeah well, that’s assuming this was even me.” He held her gaze a moment longer, looking away to the newly arising campers who were staring at the sky in awe. It was almost time for breakfast, but she could already tell she was going to have trouble keeping everyone's attention today.

At breakfast that morning, the entire space buzzed and you could feel the excitement in the air. Reyna took her space at the front, raising a hand to get everyone’s attention, working for the most part, save for a few stray voices to which she shot pointed looks.

“Romans, as you can see today is… a bit of a welcome surprise and in lieu of this,” she paused, eyes scanning the crowd building up some suspense. “We will be taking a day off of our daily training regimens-” cheers burst through everyone's mouths with excited shouts, squeals, and giggles. She knew it wasn’t going to be possible to gain their attention again but she shouted above and it became almost quiet once again, though the excitement in the air was tangible.

“And, If the snow continues, tonight's war games will be snowball fights.” More cheers erupted and she sat back down turning to Jason who was grinning at her like a madman. Octavian from the side looked like he was about to protest but one look from her quickly shut him up and he stalked away.

For the first time in a while, Reyna had fun. In the city, kids were running around the blocks and streets staring to the sky, tongues out in hope of catching snowflakes. Shop owners were handing out hot chocolate and inviting people inside, overall everyone in a happy mood.

Jason however, had made it his mission to make sure she did everything she possibly could. Running back and forth between buildings, dodging each other's snowballs, laying in the thickening powdery layers on the ground, and making as many snow angels as they possibly could leaving imprints all over the ground. Makeshift sleds were constructed out of old plastic and tarps, taking turns pushing each other down the hills.

More than a few times, the sleds tipped over sending kids sliding and sprawled out on the ground but no one minded, getting right back up again to the top.

“You just gonna stay up there all day Ramírez?” Jason teased from down the hill. The use of her last name sent a spark through her body with renewed ambition.

She hopped inside and with a graceful push, was off sliding down and Jason cheered. The wind whipped at her face but she couldn’t have cared less. Everything about today had made her feel like she was a little kid, delighting in the little things without the stress of a legion on hers and Jasons’ backs. She realized a moment later that she was tipping and apparently Jason had noticed too as he held out his arms, bracing for the impact as she was headed directly towards him.

With a yelp, they crashed into each other, tumbling further down until they came to a mostly flat area, Reyna holding herself above Jason. A full-hearted, happy laugh escaped her lips and it was amazing, but it got caught in the back of her throat when she saw the look Jason was giving her.

The atmosphere between the two rapidly changed growing thick with tension, both their eyelids fluttering as they came forward at the same time, their lips meeting in a soft, gentle kiss. Her senses went crazy, acknowledging any and everything around her, especially the feel of his soft lips against hers until they pulled away.

Despite herself, she blushed, looking around to see who was around. Luckily, the area was pretty scarce people wise, the few that were out not even looking in their direction.

“What? Embarrassed to get caught kissing me?” his tone teasing.

“No, no it’s not that it’s just-” he cut her off with a laugh, gently rolling her off so they could stand up.

“I get it.” She nodded gratefully, them staring at each other a little longer than necessary. Once again, the dinner horn sounded in the distance, breaking their gazes but it wasn’t awkward, more content. The dinner that night was just as energy-filled as the meals before, the war games that night being an intense snowball fight. Snow was flying mercilessly to the opposing cohorts in something like capture the flag, though their only weapons were the chunks they managed to form out of the ground.

Unsurprisingly, the First Cohort won, though the defeated teams didn’t seem as bothered as usual. That night, Jason kissed her before she went to bed and she felt happy like there was something she was genuinely looking forward to in the morning.

When she woke up, remnants of the day before had been wiped away as if it had never happened, but she was still in a more buoyant mood than usual. As she walked out the door that morning, something felt off, and it wasn’t just that Jason wasn’t there to greet her. Something was wrong. She ran to Jason's barracks and burst in with a frantic look in her eyes scaring some of the campers who had never seen their leader so disorderly.

The first thing she noticed, Jason's bunk was empty, the second, everyone was looking at her nervously, and it was by the expressions on their faces her fears were confirmed.

Jason was gone.

#jeyna #jason grace #reyna avila ramirez arellano #reyna ramirez arellano #hoo #heroes of olympus #do y'all want more oneshots here

[femalechibiblogger]

5 Underrated Cartoons That Were Cancelled Too Soon

1. Clone High

Clone High is set in a high school in the fictional town of Exclamation, USA, that is secretly being run as an elaborate military experiment orchestrated by a government office called the Secret Board of Shadowy Figures. The school is entirely populated by the clones of famous historical figures that have been created and raised with the intent of having their various strengths and abilities harnessed by the United States military. The principal of the high school, Cinnamon J. Scudworth, has his own plans for the clones, and secretly tries to undermine the wishes of the Board (Scudworth wants to use the clones to create a clone-themed amusement park, dubbed "Cloney Island", a decidedly less evil intention than that of the Board). He is assisted by his robot butler/vice principal/dehumidifier, Mr. Butlertron (a parody of Mr. Belvedere), who is programmed to call everyone "Wesley" and speak in two distinct intonations.

The main protagonists of Clone High are the clones of Abraham Lincoln (referred to as "Abe"), Joan of Arc, and Mahatma Gandhi. Much of the plot of the show revolves around the attempts of Abe to woo the vain and promiscuous clone of Cleopatra, while being oblivious to the fact that his friend Joan of Arc is attracted to him. Meanwhile, John F. Kennedy's clone (referred to as "JFK"), a macho, narcissistic womanizer, is also attempting to win over Cleopatra and has a long-standing rivalry with Abe. Gandhi acts in many of the episodes as the comic relief. Also on a few occasions, the characters that we see learn most of "Life's Lessons" the hard way.

Why it was cancelled: An article in Maxim Magazine depicting Mahatma Gandhi being beaten up by a muscular man sparked outrage in India. Clone High was caught in a crossfire when citizens in the country conducted internet searches on the Maxim article but also found out about the show's Gandhi character on MTV's website. This sparked an outrage in India over the show's depiction of Gandhi. On January 30, 2003, the 55th anniversary of Mahatma Gandhi's assassination, approximately 150 protesters (including members of parliament) gathered in New Delhi and vowed to fast in response to Clone High. Tom Freston, the head of Viacom (owner of MTV), was visiting the network's India branch and was "trapped in the building", according to Miller. In 2014, he recalled that protestors "basically threatened that they'd revoke MTV's broadcasting license in India if they didn't take the show off the air". MTV offered a quick apology, stating that "Clone High was created and intended for an American audience", and "we recognize and respect that various cultures may view this programming differently, and we regret any offense taken by the content in the show". Miller would later recall that executives at MTV enjoyed the show, and asked for the duo to pitch a second season without Gandhi. Lord and Miller's two potential versions of a second season included one that made no mention of Gandhi's absence, and another that revealed that the character was, in fact, a clone of actor Gary Coleman all along, and the show continued as normal. "We pitched that, and it went up to the top at Viacom again and it got a big no," he remembered.

2. The Awesomes

The show follows a group of superheroes who step in and replace the members of a legendary but disbanding superhero team. Under new leadership, The Awesomes attempt to put themselves back together in the face of intense media and government skepticism.

Why it was cancelled: On December 17, 2015, Hulu canceled The Awesomes after three seasons and did not renew it for a fourth season due to low ratings. The Awesomes was the first time Michael Tavera composed music for an adult animated series.

3. Invader Zim

Zim dreams of greatness. Unfortunately, though, he's hopelessly inept as a space invader. Desperate to be rid of the annoying Zim, his planet's leaders send him on a mission to infiltrate Earth, providing him with leftover, cobbled-together equipment. To their consternation, Zim succeeds in setting up a base on Earth and infiltrating human culture, posing as a human child as he plots the planet's downfall. Only Zim's archnemesis, Dib, recognizes that Zim is an alien, and of course, nobody believes Dib's claims.

Why it was cancelled: On the subject of why Invader Zim was cancelled, creator of the show Jhonen Vasquez said, "I could go on and on with variations of the most fantastic reasons for why the show was cancelled, but in the end, even I couldn't give you the whole and accurate truth for why the show got pulled," he wrote in a lengthy post on his website in 2010, nearly eight years after the show wrapped. "The most likely culprits are simply ratings and the sheer expense of the show, which was monstrously expensive at the time, especially when compared to more modern, flash-based savings fests."Nearly nine years later in 2019, Vasquez was interviewed by Syfy and said:

I never point to any one particular thing [as the reason for why Invader Zim was cancelled. The show could've come out at any point in history and I don't think it would ever really be appropriate... I think there's always horrible things happening in the world and genuine comedy comes from horrible things. At the time, it just happened to be things like Columbine and 9/11 and then people freak out because they don't want to offend anyone's sensibilities. It's a justified response to a certain extent; there's people who have been affected and they don't want to be reminded of this awful stuff… I just think that it did not jive well with Nickelodeon's image.

In an interview with Syfy in 2018, Richard Horvitz, the voice of Zim, was questioned about why the show got cancelled; he responded:

There's been a lot of rumors that have abounded for years about why Invader Zim was canceled. People think it's the Bloody GIR episode, because there's a quick subliminal shot of GIR all bloodied, but that’s not it at all. Nickelodeon knew about that shot and they didn't seem to mind. But what [the cancellation really was] is this plain simple fact: We had horrible ratings. There were two things that were going on in 2001. Our ratings were not doing well, our demographic at the time was not The Fairly OddParents demographic, which is what we premiered with, and we premiered to really, really good critical acclaim. But ratings-wise, the only real barometer [was the] target audience, 6 to 10 year olds, and I think that it was a little too much for that [demographic], and the parents also might have thought it was a little graphic for them. Our ratings never really got off the ground. One other thing that people often forget, is that the show premiered in March of 2001. By September of 2001, we had the horrible downing of the twin towers. Given the mood of the country at the time, I don't think people wanted to see shows that were about any kind of destruction or anything that had to do with someone trying to conquer the Earth.

4. The Oblongs

A clever comic parable of society's ills, "The Oblongs" depicts the warped world of a bizarre yet loving family of have-nots who live in a toxic valley and can't seem to beat the caste system of the beautiful people living high on the hill. The animated series is based on characters created by author Angus Oblong ("Creepy Susie and 13 Other Tragic Tales for Troubled Children").

Why it was cancelled: Could not find a specific answer. The WB network just decided to cancel it even though it had good ratings. 

5. Wander Over Yonder

The series follows Wander, a nomadic and overly-optimistic intergalactic traveller and his best friend and steed, Sylvia the Zbornak, as they travel from planet to planet helping people to have fun and live free, despite the continuing encroachment of Lord Hater, one of the most powerful villains in the galaxy, and his army of Watchdogs.

The show's first season is episodic; there are very few strong ties between episodes, and they can be viewed independently of each other. In the second season, however, a more sequential story is introduced; as Lord Dominator begins to conquer the galaxy, the show's tone becomes more serious and the focus moves from stopping the rather incompetent Lord Hater to stopping the extremely competent Lord Dominator. As a result, the episodes are more closely linked and there are several developments in the overarching plot.

Why it was cancelled: The creators of the show were not given a specific reason, even though they had plans for a third season.

#cartoon #animation #cancelled #clone high #the awesomes #invader zim #the oblongs #wander over yonder #top 5 list #Top List

[dragon-ball-meta]

Just discovered your blog today and am enjoying it immensely. I do have some questions about which is more "valid" between the DBS anime and manga though. The manga at least on a surface level has a tighter adherence to the manga's continuity, such as the lack of Gregory, no showing the Trunks' first SS transformation from the anime version of his past, and the SS Caulifla and Kale fusion churning out a SS fusion, which would seem to be what Old Kai meant when warning Goku and Vegeta 1/2

“2/2 But those are ultimately minor I suppose and perhaps they have explanations like "Trunks wasn't transforming for the first time in the Super flashback". I'm not a Toyo stan by any stretch and can't stand how he butchered my boi GOATku among other things but it seems like the manga would be just as valid/canonical as the anime. Toriyama works closely with Toyo as with the anime team and calls the manga a continuation. Sorry if this has been asked before, and keep up the good work“

Well first and foremost, welcome. Glad you’re enjoying this blog. As for the question, I’ve touched on it before, but I’ll dip into it again.  There’s definitely a bit more of a hierarchy than people want to admit, at least in terms of which would be “more canon” when it comes to the mediums of Super. To that end, I like to look at continuity, characterization, and lead platform.  See, the thing about Super, as it stands, is that it was never meant to have an ongoing manga. At all. It was written, conceived, and meant to be an anime series with Toriyama’s involvement. The “manga”, as it were, was originally meant solely to be a preview/promotional series for said anime, something to hint at things to come. That’s why the Beerus arc is so short and rushed.  When it came to the Resurrection F arc, however, that was when Toyotaro pitched the idea of letting him turn the series into an actual, full-fledged series, something Toriyama was ok with more or less because it meant that at least he wouldn’t have to draw it, and because he was interested in seeing how the anime and manga writers respectively would adapt his storyline ideas.  In that sense, the anime was the original, intended medium and means by which the series was meant to be carried forward, hence why I would consider that the lead platform. Beyond that, let’s look at continuity. Truth be told, neither manga nor anime are 100% flawless in it, making references to things that were filler in the name of comedy, or simply forgetting or ignoring a detail or two from the past. But even in cases of references to filler, I’d argue that they don’t INHERENTLY represent continuity errors per se, as they don’t directly contradict events depicted, and on occasion don’t even necessarily indicate that the exact filler events actually happened; in some cases, they’re just in-jokes or references for longtime fans and viewers.   Trunks’ “first time” transformation also doesn’t necessarily pin it as his first time in continuity, so much as simply reuse the animation and have the boy transform in a moment of grief. Don’t recall any direct reference to that being his first transformation at all. Similarly, I wouldn’t say Gregory inherently means Filler Gregory is meant to be who this one is, as Gregory in Super really doesn’t speak or have anything close to the same personality.  Similarly, Android 18 being as mad as she was about the mispronunciation of Marron as Maron can be seen as a nod to Krillin’s filler ex-girlfriend without actually acknowledging her. (As well as clearing up the whole “she’s named after her” thing since even the pronunciation is different in Japanese.) They’re not necessarily baking these things into continuity, just referencing them. One big problem the Super MANGA has, however, in an internal continuity issue. Toyotaro often feels a need to EXPLAIN things that don’t necessarily need to be explained, in an effort to feel like he’s fleshing things out more. The problem is... he often writes himself into a corner that way, as he doesn’t seem to run his ideas by Toriyama or check them against the man’s notes as much as he should, and thus finds himself in trouble later. Case-in-point: His decision that Super Saiyan Blue’s use had a mandatory cooldown period between uses, or else the multiplier the user receives from the form drops exponentially each time. Seemed a good way to potentially limit the form at the time, keep it from being “overused”, except... they very quickly found themselves in situations where it would HAVE to be used, to say nothing of the narrative issue of having Vegeta be in a reduced state of Blue by the time he faced Hit, thus making Hit’s win less shocking, and Hit himself a bit less formidable, to say nothing of downplaying Goku’s skill and reaction to it; he should have had a far easier time naturally, after all. This also causes some issues with Vegeta’s tactic vs Zamasu of popping into SSG for a speed advantage and then quickly in and out of SSB to strike, as that should have lowered the effectiveness each time, and THAT was done to deal with ANOTHER restriction Toyotaro had baked into the form of it draining ki almost as quickly as SSJ3 had back in the Buu arc, and that Godly Aura was actually just wasted ki. All of this then had to be negated via Toyotaro’s own version of SSB Kaioken, which was just... “Perfected” Blue. Which is just Blue without an aura. Which then leads into Goku knowing how to use Hakai despite not actually being a God of Destruction, not having ever even practiced it to know if he could do it, and only allegedly having seen Beerus use it once offscreen, which has to be inferred by the reader.   These are actually just a FEW of said issues in the manga version of things, but in my opinion, the biggest signifier and offender comes in the final category: Characterization.   It’s no real secret that Super does retread some characterization ground, but there’s a reason for that. New viewers, same characters, etc. Vegeta was sort-of given a full arc already, but due to popularity and ‘demand’, he has to be given a central role and can’t sort of fade back like Piccolo, Krillin, Tien, etc. were able to do once their respective arcs were done. (This also allows their own mini-arcs in the anime to feel more fulfilling as they’re not constantly shoved in your face, and they can touch on things happening or building up in the background of episodes, BUT, let’s move on.) As a result, one of the purposes of Battle of Gods, and how it was handled as an arc and the eps that followed it, was to establish a new sort of rivalry between Goku and Vegeta so as to renew that arc/dynamic for this particular series.  

And that’s where the manga... sort of falls flat. Vegeta is kept in prominence despite a lack of any sort of established/renewed rivalry with Goku; BoG was done in shorthand, after all, and the events following that, as well as the entire Resurrection F arc, were skipped wholesale. In fact, Vegeta himself seems to have gone through a VERY radical personality shift in that... he’s... nice. And I don’t mean nice-ER, he’s outright nice. He shows open affection for his family, he literally runs over to embrace his baby in happiness and rejoices that it’s a girl, he engages in pleasantries with the rest of the cast before the Tournament of Power and asks about their wellbeing, he’s got almost none of his original character traits other than a flair for the dramatic... and bear in mind, Vegeta still has that hardass-ness to himself in the End of Z, which these events are supposed to lead into. And this isn’t even touching on how the narrative seems to shift frequently toward him being THE hero of the series, often actually placing Goku in near-helpless situations and having Vegeta inexplicably bail him out, or just have Goku be in awe or starstruck at how awesome Vegeta is now. The Future Trunks arc, for example, has Vegeta healed only to the point of being able to stand, yet when Goku is shrinking back in fear at the sight of TWO Fused Zamasus coming at him, Vegeta... transforms, swoops in, rescues Goku, AND nukes both Fused Zamasus with a single blow. (It doesn’t “win the day”, no, but it’s a mite riduculous). The current arc is also trying to wholesale shift focus away from Goku onto Vegeta in a leading role, which is a distinctly non-Toriyama move.   And now, let’s talk Goku himself. HOO boy, where to begin...   For all the talk of flanderization of Goku in the Super anime (which I could write entire rants on but I’ll refrain for now), the manga does him ten times worse. Almost every negative fandom meme or interpretation of Goku is reinforced in this arc, sometimes even to the point of literal, direct lampshading of it. For example: Goku in the anime makes a comment on how he doesn’t see why Bulma would “kill” Vegeta if he’s not right there when Bulma starts labor, as he was dead when Goten was born and Chi-Chi doesn’t hold ill will over it. The manga? It quite literally has Goku state he wasn’t around for the birth of Goten OR GOHAN. He couldn’t even be bothered to be there for the birth of his son he was alive to see. When Whis pops baby Bra out via magic so Vegeta can attend the ToP, Goku is... apparently still so dumb that he legitimately wonders aloud if that’s how ALL babies are born. Goku, in this same tournament, has ZERO strategic or technical skill, and relies solely on brute force and powerups (which is actually how VEGETA typically fights but I digress) and even has both Roshi admonish him for it and even has Goku agree with it and declare himself a “bad student” and say that he’s “done letting everyone around him down”. This manga also has Goku and Gohan’s relationship visibly strained, with Goku seemingly trying to cut himself out of Gohan’s life completely as the kid has no interest in fighting. To top this off, rather than attending the tournament in a gi fashioned after his father, whom Gohan canonically does admire, the manga has him deliberately ask to have another carbon copy of Piccolo’s. Hell, Gohan is so far from Manga!Goku’s mind here, that it doesn’t even occur to Goku to ASK Gohan if he wants to fight in the ToP after Buu falls asleep. In fact, Piccolo suggests it... and Goku PROTESTS the idea, saying the kid’s got no stomach for fighting and they should look elsewhere. The only time Goku seems to show an interest in Gohan is when he shows off his power in a fight vs Kefla. This is distinctly, demonstrably, simply NOT Toriyama’s Goku, in any way, shape, or form.   Now, to speak on the other characters and their characterization... when it does exist, it’s one-dimensional and also often based around fan conceptions and memes. Krillin? Comedic coward who can’t fight. Goku even says that he thinks Krillin’s sole usefulness in the ToP might come in the form of him “being really good at running away”. He’s literally only in because Toriyama said so, and is literally immediately ringed out before he can so much as move. Tee hee so funny. Tien, who has no personality of note, is then also immediately out. Piccolo is just Gohan’s coach, really. Android 18 shows no emotion at all, even for her brother’s apparent death; this is later played off as her knowing he didn’t have his bomb anymore (something even Krillin somehow forgot???) so knowing he couldn’t have self-destructed... even though there are other ways to do that besides a bomb but w/e. 17 literally shows more care and affection for 18′s husband than she herself does as well, and their bond is pretty much non-existent. Chi-Chi and Goten pretty much do not exist. Trunks’ reunion with Gohan, meeting his family? Never happens. And Bulma... OH BULMA. What he did to that woman is criminal. She mostly plays the role of the worried Soldier’s Wife, fretting as she awaits her dashing husband’s return from war! The Bulma that wouldn’t take no for an answer? The Bulma that always insisted on going to the front lines to try to see things for herself? The Bulma who would be eager to see this future and see if she could find the notes of her other self and what else she may have discovered? That Bulma does not exist in this manga. HELL, the Bulma who was the smartest woman in the world barely does; what was Pilaf noticing one small math error in an equation in the Super anime becomes Pilaf “WELL ACKSHUALLY”-ing both Bulma and Future Bulma here and PERFECTING Time Travel so they can go to any point they desire, with Bulma being visibly upset about being upstage-aaaaaand she’s pregnant. It’s just... not good at all in this arena.   Now one last thing to mention: Toriyama himself actually did explicitly state that his canon Broly movie, which he did write himself, was set to follow the events of the Super anime specifically, with him saying the manga would probably continue telling its own story. And indeed, there are things about the Broly movie that do tie into what people thought to be just “filler” in the anime, such as the number of wishes Shenron had left tying into the episode where they summoned him and then fought over wishes. The fact that he DOES specify that he wrote it to follow the anime, however, seems like a firm establishment of heirarchy to me personally. I’m sure some will disagree but... that’s life. lol Anyways, hope that helped clarify my stance on it, at least.

#Goku #Son Goku #Gohan #Son Gohan #Dragon Ball Super #DBZ #Dragon Ball Z #DBS #Dragonball #Dragonball Z #Krillin #wtf toyotaro

[sloppy-butcher]

hcs for kazan with an s/o who's like super interested in him?👀👀 like wanting to hear everything he has to say even if it's angery shouting!! also u can throw in some general hcs we all love kazan in this house ilYYY

more Kazan hcs?? Well, I can’t refuse.

I’m not going to include an NSFW hc cause I want to try to make these ones pretty angsty yo. thank you for the ask man

edit: again i cannot seem to control myself and i write wayyyy to much :/

HeadCanons for The Oni (Kazan Yamaoka) with an interested S/O

Also just some general HeadCanons

Kazan can’t speak nor understand English. He came from a time where Japan was isolated from the western world and thus had no exposure to the language. When he first arrived in the realm, after letting his rage sizzled down like a dying fire, he could hear that the words from the other killers’ mouths were foreign and strange. This language barrier angered him greatly, he wanted to know what they were talking about not because he wanted to join in or because he felt left out of conversations. Instead, he wanted to know what exactly they were saying about him. Kazan is a man of pride and honor and the words and titles others give to you can affect greatly how you are respected in the world. To him, it’s all about the title and being, as he perceives it, good. He wanted to know for certain that the others respected him as a warrior, a powerful samurai and not some disgusting beast or ogre.

So he made a deal with the Entity. A bargain; knowledge of the language the others spoke in exchange for 10 000 souls. Of course, the Entity could not refuse but like a trickster genie, It gave Kazan only the ability to understand English but not speak it. Kazan did not really care about the finer details of the trade, he was just pleased to be able to know if the others were badmouthing him. But that all changed when he met you.

You would speak soft words of encouragement to your fellow survivors, whispering in their ears that you would all get through this. Kazan would watch as your words would light fires in the eyes of the fallen, driving them forward with renewed hope and passion. In the beginning, he didn’t acknowledge it, you and your kind were all beneath him. But as time wore on and he encountered you and your oddly contagious beliefs, again and again, he began to pay attention. You were quiet and whenever he would approach your lips would seal and your expression shift to one of focus and determination. Something about it he found quite enduring, such resolve to do what you believed would save you only to smash face-first into the brick wall that was his vastly superior will. But something else blossomed with the birth of his interest, a strange feeling of wanting more. You were always just beyond his reach, his ears never keen enough to precisely pick out your words yet something yearned to hear.

When the burning in his mind became too much Kazan once in a trial hunted you down and pinned you to the floor. He rolled you onto your back and looked you up and down. You were shaking and your eyes were wild with terror and desperation. He waited, frozen in front of you anticipating you to try talk. You never did. He shook his head and stormed off, never to disturb you again for the remainder of the trial.

You got the feeling he had something to say. His mannerisms and the way he hovered around corners like a nervous child wanting to talk to their parents, gave the impression that Kazan wanted to tell you something. The urge to find out what that something was, was what drove you to eventually confront him outside a trial. You found him in the Sanctum and when he turned to face you he visibly froze. You waited a moment, wary of the man before hesitantly offering a hushed “Hello.” And from then onwards you would make the journey to his domain every night without exception.

He would listen intently when you spoke, his ears singing as they consumed every word you uttered. You were so strange and small. You almost didn’t seem human to him. You tell him about your world, which was his world too just older and filled with more people and ideas. He liked it when you would describe stories to him, ‘movies’ you would call them and he especially enjoyed the story about the people in space fighting over stars. You were so knowledgeable and although some topics were difficult for him to initially grasp, you would always take your time to explain it and he would find himself amazed by your ability to be so patient. But eventually, you would bend the conversation back onto him. He would try in Japanese, but you would squint your eyes and shake your head. No luck.

Kazan returned to the Entity, ready to bargain for the rest of the trade. But he couldn’t let on the reason why he wanted to speak English. The Entity could not know of the interactions you and he had lest you be taken from him and he is reduced back to a mindless, rage-filled beast. His master eventually relented and granted Kazan’s wish but at a steep cost. 100 000 more well-prepared souls for the exchange of speech. He agreed. It was an easy request to fill considering that all Kazan ever did anymore was kill and destroy. But fate was cruel and you made up at least ¼ of the total demand. Each and every time he would have to give you up to the Entity he would be at a crossroads. He didn’t want to hurt you but at the same time, he had so many things to say to you.  

You were astounded by his voice when he first spoke to you. When he would tell you stories about his past life he would speak in a demanding and booming tone, commanding all to listen and pay attention to him. He was actually quite compelling and you would often drift along with him as he would describe battle scenes and village raids. He told you about his troubles with people and their negative perceptions of him and, maybe you were just biased, you agreed with him. Damn those who can’t see that you were a hardworking and passionate individual.

Once he got a little too carried away, so engrossed in his story that he stood up and paced. He yelled and the very ground shook from his might. His blood boiled and his eyes went red with fury and it was only after he caught sight of you backing away from him slightly did he realize that he was losing control. He looked to you and saw mild fear in your face. He regulated his breathing and felt dread creep into his chest. He didn’t mean to scare you, he just… he felt awful. He expected you to run but all you did was raise your eyebrows as if to say “Was it that bad huh?”

#ask #dead by daylight #dbd imagine #dbd headcanon #dbd the oni #dbd kazan yamaoka #i write too much #this is horseshit

[fuckyeahjamieandclaire]

Sam Heughan (left) and Caitriona Balfe as Jamie and Claire Fraser in “Outlander” —S‍‍TARS‍‍Z

LOS ANGELES—“The first episode is going to be for the fans,” Sam Heughan said about Season 5 of his hit time-travel drama series, “Outlander,” where he and Caitriona Balfe play Jaime and Claire Fraser, respectively.

“It gives the fans a moment to enjoy spending time with the Frasers and the extended family,” added Sam, dapper in a navy Armani suit, complete with a pocket square, in this LA interview.

“The wedding episode gives them time to wallow in that. But of course, things go downhill pretty quickly, so they get a little breathing space before we get into the drama.”

Sam talked some more about the devoted fans of the series based on Diana Gabaldon’s book series. Season 5 is based on the fifth book, “The Fiery Cross.”

“The fans are definitely fervent and extremely excited,” the blue-eyed Scot said. “We have the premiere coming up next month and we’re going to be in Los Angeles.”

Looking boyish with his short blonde hair, Sam grinned as he dished about the wig his Jamie character wears. “I didn’t wear a wig on the first two seasons, or a season and a half. My hair was dyed. I eventually had so much dye that my hair went purple. So we wigged it, which has been great.

Speaking of age, Sam turns 40 in April this year. “Oh God, thanks for reminding me,” the heartthrob reacted with a laugh. “This season, Jamie hits 50. I think he’s looking quite good (laughs). But yeah, I have my 40th birthday in April, so I’m quite excited about it. I definitely feel like taking stock as you do every year.

“I am inspired by a lot of different people, but I’d like to emulate someone like Paul Newman or a sportsman I know. I feel very positive about it, and I’m sure Jamie does, too.” The Newman reference is not random—more about that toward the end.

The milestone reminded Sam of his younger years when he was trying his luck in Los Angeles. “Yesterday, I almost felt the ghost of myself going past. I was sitting in this car in a nice suit I didn’t pay for, and going off to do some press. I just felt very lucky.”

He also recalled, “When I graduated from drama school (Royal Conservatoire of Scotland), I was 23, 24. I was always going for the juvenile lead part and quickly found out that I was losing the jobs to younger, much better-looking lads.

“When you get to my age and beyond, the parts get better. It’s not the same for women and that’s a shame because it does feel that there’s some disparity there.”

For the fans of “Outlander,” one of the big “reveals” in the new season’s trailer is the sight of the Scottish Jamie wearing the red coat of—gasp—the British Army. “It’s a bit of a spoiler,” he admitted. “That is such a huge moment because of Jamie’s history and his past. That uniform stands for everything that he has fought against.”For Sam, Jamie’s evolution in the Starz series keeps him engaged. “The show is constantly changing. I’m not stuck playing the same character. He has all these great responsibilities now. He feels the weight of that.“I would like to emulate some of Jamie’s qualities. He’s very loyal and quite stubborn. The love that Jamie has for Claire—it would be amazing to find something like that myself.”

The actor, who started playing Jamie when he was in his early 30s, remarked on the long run of “Outlander.” “We never knew where we would get to in this. It’s amazing—we’re still here and there still seems to be a great appetite for it. The show has found a home on Starz but obviously, being on Netflix has helped, as well.

“This season, the pressure is much greater. And we know that the Revolutionary War of Independence is coming, so Jamie knows what’s at stake here. He knows he’s on the wrong side. But he’s doing it for the greater good.”

In the meantime, in Sam’s own life, having a relationship is tough. “Certainly, relationships are hard when you’re working in Scotland 10 months a year. I travel a lot and any downtime I have, I’m trying to do other projects, so very much, my career comes first. Maybe I will find someone eventually.

“My whole career, not just ‘Outlander’ but as an actor, I have always put that first. It’s hard when you travel a lot. My priority has been my career, so that’s where I am at the moment. But I am sure at some point, I will get knocked off my feet, then I’m screwed (laughs).”

On and off the set, Sam has found a friend in Caitriona, with whom he spends a lot of time working together. “Poor girl,” he cracked.

“She is such a wonderful woman—intelligent and creative,” he praised his costar who married music producer Anthony McGill in August last year. “More than anything, she’s a good friend. She forces me sometimes to socialize when I don’t want to. She’s a social animal. It’s wonderful to be part of, and always welcomed into, her world.

“I am quite relaxed sometimes. I let things go. She’s very strong and likes to get things done. That probably winds her up. I shouldn’t say it, but I know when she is pissed off (laughs). She does a little foot tap. So, if I see her tap her foot, I’m like, here we go. I can see it.”

“Outlander’s” popularity—and Sam’s rise—have led to many opportunities. Sam is now planning to be a producer, as well. “I have definitely been trying to find other projects to produce,” he announced.

“As an actor, you always want to do other things. This last year, I got to play characters that are very different from Jamie Fraser—‘Bloodshot’ being one of them that happens next month.”

“I wouldn’t say my character is the bad guy,” Sam said of his Jimmy Dalton part in the action-drama-fantasy, “Bloodshot,” which costars Vin Diesel and Guy Pearce. “But he’s certainly a very angry man. It’s a lot of fun to play that character.

“I was on wires flying through the air and fighting Vin Diesel (laughs). As an actor, those are the moments where you go, oh Christ, can I actually do this?”He added, “I did an independent action movie called ‘SAS: Red Notice,’ which is based on a series of books by a writer who’s also the most decorated British Special Forces soldier, Andy McNab.”

“My character is going to Paris to propose to his fiancée, and the Eurostar gets taken over by mercenaries,” he shared. “The movie sits between Jason Bourne and James Bond.

“Then, I did a couple of days on a movie (‘An Unquiet Life’) about Roald Dahl and Patricia Neal, where I got to play Paul Newman.” The film depicts the tumultuous marriage between the actress, Patricia, and the writer, Roald.

The Paul Newman? “Yes, big shoes to fill,” he replied with a smile. “I felt the responsibility of that. But the more I found out about Paul, the more I was in awe of him. What an incredible man.

“I’m not sure I look like Paul, but I tried to bring a lot of his mannerisms into the scenes. It’s a very small part in a bigger movie. It’s at the moment when he is meeting Patricia Neal and they’re about to go off and film ‘Hud.’

“I watched a lot of his movies, but for me, ‘The Hustler,’ which is my favorite of Paul Newman’s movies, is when he really begins to hit his strength.”

As Sam pursues film projects, he knows that he has at least one more season of “Outlanders.” Starz has renewed the show for a sixth season. Still, Sam wonders. “I do sometimes think, what am I going to do when it is over? I think I will actually be quite upset and sad, and it will be a great loss.

“I probably will always have Jamie Fraser with me at some point, even when the show is over.”

Read more:

https://entertainment.inquirer.net/361221/sam-heughan-on-turning-40-new-outlander-season-playing-paul-newman-in-film#ixzz6BrxWUd8z

#outlander #outlander starz #sam heughan #jamie fraser #caitriona balfe #an unquiet life #paul newman #golden globes #bloodshot #people: sam heughan #character: jamie fraser #people: caitriona balfe #tv news #tv: s5 #queue

[deathduty]

The Zombie in the Room || Deirdre & Lydia

Lydia finds out about Morgan

Deirdre had been packing away boxes of salt and iron rods for what felt like the better part of the day. She left their personal items for last, unable to truly set about touching Morgan's things and packing them away until the salt was gone, the iron moved, the wards boxed up and nothing left to distract her from what she'd actually come back for. Morgan's books were strewn about, her belongings intermingled with Deirdre's, and all the will and hope she had left untouched in their hotel room. Deirdre picked her things out of Morgan's and packed them first, pulling a suitcase out into the hall. Then she stood there, looking into the room from the open door. If she could forget, it was almost like Morgan hadn't lost anything at all. Picking apart all her hope and optimism felt wrong. She had books marked in the places she thought important, magical ingredients kept safe in special boxes. The cup she'd been drinking from sat undisturbed on the table. Beauty and the Beast still sat in the DVD player from their viewing a few nights prior. In that way, almost, that part of Morgan wasn't dead, and Deirdre couldn't find the strength to enter the room again and rip that away from her too. She sunk to the floor in the hall, looking up only as someone else entered her vision. "Lydia?" Her fingers twitched. She should close the door, hide any evidence. But she was too tired, too far into the acceptance that she'd failed to try and fight it any longer. "Why are you—why are you here?" 

The last time Lydia had been here, it had been in quite a different mood. Now as she slipped past the reception without saying a word, her face was set in grim determination. Deirdre had screamed, and now she wasn’t answering her phone. Of course, people died all the time, and the banshee here were probably more prolific than elsewhere. She might not have worried, if Deirdre hadn’t been odder than usual in the past couple weeks. If Deirdre had answered her phone, or her email. If this town wasn’t swarming with warden who jumped at every scream. When she turned the corner, Deirdre was just there, crumpled on the floor of the hallway. The chimes in her chest were so quiet as she hurried over, kneeling beside Deirdre. “You screamed, and you weren’t answering your phone. I was worried. Darling, what’s wrong?”

Lydia was here. Lydia was concerned. Lydia was here and concerned. Deirdre tried to swallow back the lump in her throat. Would Lydia still be concerned if she knew? Or would it be the same kind of babying concern she held for Regan? Deirdre gulped again. “I=I’m fine,” she croaked. How convincing was that between sunken features and red, sleep-deprived eyes? Her gaze fluttered from Lydia to the open door and then back to Lydia. “What are you doing here? This place isn’t exactly…” she gestured around at the decor, “upscale.” 

“Pardon my french, dear, but bullshit,” Lydia replied, one eyebrow raised as she pointedly looked Deirdre up and down. The woman was a mess, at the very least sleep deprived and at worst seriously unwell. She followed Deirdre’s gaze to the hotel room full of packed boxes, but it was hardly her concern right now. “What do you think I’m doing here? I’m here because you are. Come on now, darling, when did you last sleep?”

Lydia's comfort was odd. Deirdre knew all affection to be conditional, even from a fae. Especially from a fae. Would she turn cold the moment Deirdre failed to perform her duties? Would she cast her out? The banshee looked up, hoping answers might sit in Lydia's eyes. "Regan wants nothing to do with me," she said first, hoping this was a pain Lydia would accept and understand. But Jeff was right. Fae were a certain way, and certainly Lydia only cared so long as Deirdre retained her faeness. Morgan had taught her how to care, how to love without conditions and open a heart she was taught to disregard. She liked to hope that change was for the better, but it was so hard to tell, so close to all the pain it wrought. And though she couldn't say the same for Lydia—Deirdre cared for her beyond their shared superior species. "Being fae….is there a point to it if we can't fulfil our roles? Do what's asked of us?" She turned back to the open door. "I can't sleep." 

“What? Why? My darling, I am so sorry.” Lydia wondered if she could reach out to hold Deirdre’s shoulder. She knew that Deirdre and Regan hadn’t gotten off on the right foot, but this was a long step in a strange direction. Somehow, though, Lydia could see that wasn’t the full cause of Deirdre’s pain. It wasn’t even the beginning. So Lydia gently extended a hand, to cup the back of Deirdre’s shoulder. “What on earth are you talking about? Being Fae is so much more than duty. Deirdre, what happened?”

Deirdre gulped, the lump in her throat insistent on staying lodged down there. Her eyes, tired of fighting, began to water. She glanced back at the room; Morgan’s belongings urged her tears furthur. All being a fae meant was her duty, all she was meant for was her duty. But why was it that fate had to be the cruelty she served? She looked back at Lydia, comforted by a touch she knew the woman would wrench away. “Someone died.” This was obvious, but Deirdre feared trying to explain the gravity of it. “Human. I grew so fond of a human.” Her voice caught. With shame, she turned her gaze again. She didn’t explain she was still fond of that human, she didn’t explain how fond. But there was no telepathic bond she could blame here. She had chosen to love a human. She had chosen to fail her duty. “Maybe this explains my failings with Regan better. What it means to be fae…” She didn’t finish her thought. She didn’t know anymore, what anything meant. 

“Oh. I see.” Lydia replied softly, frowning. Her hand stayed on Deirdre’s shoulder. That would explain it, though perhaps not what Deirdre thought. She sat in silence for a long moment. “This is what you’ve been hiding, isn’t it? Deirdre, darling, look at me.” She waited until Deirdre did, or approximated close to it. “I’m sorry. I think I’ve failed you, my dear. I’d made it perfectly clear how I think of them, but all that… it is just an opinion, darling. Frankly, no human matters enough to me to change my opinion of you. If you’ve found one which is worth your affection, darling, and now you’ve lost them, then I am so sorry for your loss. I am equally sorry that I made you feel like you had to hide it.”

Deirdre tried to look at Lydia, her head simply couldn't lift up from its dropped gaze. And then she went on and filled with shock, Deirdre snapped her attention up. Her mother wouldn't say the same thing. Her family might even not. But Lydia was...different, somehow. And all this time Deirdre never thought to ask why, or how. "You didn't—I just thought—I was raised to understand that humans were the lowest of—I thought—" she gulped. "You didn't just—what the fae do to the ones that turn out too human...I was raised in—I saw all of—" Her sentences melded together, bits and pieces choked out between startling revelation. Lydia was okay with this, somehow. And she was here, caring, somehow. "This community is so precious to me. Being fae is so...important. I didn't want to lose it, or you, and so I didn't…" she gulped, "that human isn't entirely gone. But….I... you're really not...horrified?" 

Lydia smiled wrily, her eyes lit with sympathy. “What was I going to do, ceremonially remove your wings?” She asked teasingly. “Oh, darling, come here. For every fae circle that tries to rebuild the unseelie courts of old, there’s a community of bleeding heart fae who think humans are perfectly precious. I’m in no position to excommunicate you, even if I did want to.” She leant forward until she could wrap her arms around Deirdre, holding her close and safe. “Which I don’t.” Lydia gave her a squeeze. “I’m not horrified. I can’t say I’m not questioning your tastes,” she added with a chuckle to soften the blow, “but that’s hardly the most pressing issue here. What do you mean they aren't gone?”

Yes, Deirdre tried to croak out. She’d watched it happen before, the wings she didn’t have plucked from the unworthy. Admittedly, their crimes were greater than loving a human, but the message was clear. The banshee, tired of the weight of carrying this, collapsed against Lydia’s embrace. Why was Lydia so kind? So perfect? And why couldn’t she be like this? “Thank you,” she mumbled against her, “it--um--she’s a zombie now.” Deirdre paused. “How are you like this?” She leaned back, “didn’t you...grow up like me? Why are you--how are you--I--” What words conveyed the breadth of her awe? Of her gratitude? “You do it so well. Everything.”

“That’s… good, isn’t it?” Lydia asked softly, stroking Deirdre’s back as she tucked her head against Deirdre’s shoulder. “She isn’t dead. It might not be easy for a long time, but she isn’t dead.” She isn’t human anymore, Lydia didn’t point out either. She was so sure Deirdre could hear her thinking, as much as she could hear Annelies talking to Sammy about the blossoming rhododendrons in the garden. Spring was growing. “No. I was raised to respect humans. My mother was one, remember. We were better, of course, but not by much. If I wasn’t able to accept my family’s views, and they mine, it would have been too painful to bear. No human is worth that. Oh, my darling, we don’t have to talk about this now. How can I help?”

“I know...it’s just…” Deirdre trailed off. She was too tired to explain it, even if she could find the words exactly. The weight of the shame she’d carried, the fear of being found out and banished away from the only family she knew...lifted. With each word, each second Lydia spent not pushing her away, the pressure rose off her. How much time had she spent imagining the worst of this scenario? Even if her mother’s reaction wouldn’t be the same, in that moment, knowing this was Lydia’s, she felt whole again--renewed in her station as a fae, if only so long as Lydia held her. “Oh,” she squeaked, burying herself in Lydia’s arms. “This...this helps. I--I have to go back in there and pack her things but I--” she sobbed gently against Lydia. “Thank you. Thank you.” She murmured over and over again, just until her voice was too hoarse to continue. 

#wickedswriting #c: lydia #chatzy #the zombie in the room #no spoilers but im cRYING