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#and i hate that im missing out on something i've been looking forward to for months
milf-harrington · 1 year
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i knew this would happen i knew it
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hyephyep · 2 years
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#so there have been two times as an adult. separated by a year. when i felt more like 'they' than 'she' for a week#wasnt sure what to make of that but i didn't think fussing over it would make answers come faster so whatever#then two weeks ago i cut my hair short for the first time since i was 8 (and even at 8 it was still chin length. this is above the ears)#and. have been thinking about this a lot more than expected?#like thinking at midnight as im trying to sleep 'i think im he/they' and waking up the next day going 'wait no i like she/her'#not wanting to be a man but liking it when my grandma says my new haircut makes me look like a guy she knows#(complimentary. no one ive seen since cutting my hair has had a bad reaction)#ive always felt weird calling myself a woman but i thought that was just 'im still new to being an adult and it feels weird to be reminded'#since girl feels fine#but i've never minded being called 'miss' or 'ms.' by highschoolers at work. so why is it just the word woman.#thinking maybe i should just try some other pronouns for a while but WHERE. dont wanna bring this up with family or work until#im sure about what this is. and that isnt happening any time soon#maybe the friends i talk to on discord.#gaaah. hate the thought of asking and then having to walk it back if i turn out to be wrong#but testing something new out is the only way i can think of to move forward with this so#if youve read this far and wanna know what to call me: use anything. whatever you want#i am open to suggestions rn
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bbrissonn · 6 months
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𝐈 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐨𝐭 - 𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐦𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐡𝐚𝐮𝐞𝐫
in which after months of crushing on your best friend, you finally decide to admit your feelings to him pairing: nick moldenhauer x fem!reader warnings: swear words, not proofread a/n: im in such a moldy mood tonight, so yeah, enjoy this :DD
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You couldn't quite remember when you first realized your feelings for the boy. Maybe it was when he dedicated that goal to you on your birthday. Or maybe when he gave you his jacket after one of his game because you freezing. Or maybe your feelings at just always been there since the beginning, but you had never noticed them.
You didn't know, but what you did know was that there was no way on earth you could ever tell him how felt. No matter how many times the Fantilli brother's, who were the first to catch up on why you'd always turn red whenever Moldy would be near you, told you to just admit to him. You couldn't. Your friendship with the boy was one you held so close to your heart, you truly didn't have any other friendship like this one, and you didn't want to lose it.
"I don't get why you don't just tell him." Luca mumbled, making you roll your eyes as the two of you walked into his bedroom. You had agreed to help the boy with your shared class since he had missed the last one due to having to travel to UMass.
"And ruin one of the best friendship I've ever had? Yeah, right." It was Luca's turn to roll his eyes as he let himself fall onto his mattress. He was about to answer, when his mouth suddenly closed, an idea popping into his head.
"You don't want to tell him because you think he doesn't like you back, which I gotta say you're real fucking stupid for thinking he doesn't, but that's why, right?"
"I don't think he doesn't like me, Lu, I know." You answered with just as much sass as he previously spoke. His eyes rolled to the back of his head at your words.
"How about, I prove to you he does?"
"And how are you planning on doing that?" You asked, sitting down on his bed near his legs, his body now laying fully on his bed.
"Make him jealous, duh." He sassed, making you scoff a little.
"And how am I supposed to do that, Sherlock?"
"Go to the hangout with me tonight." He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. You looked at him with an 'are you serious' look, making the boy push his body so you were sitting face to face. "Trust me. Just stay by my side the whole night, be my pong partner instead of his, he'll lose his mind."
You hated to admit he was right. You were now standing in front of Luca, one of his arm around your waist as your eyes focused on the ping pong ball in TJ's hand. You could feel Luca's breath on the back of your neck, as well as Nick's eyes staring at the two of you from across the table.
"It's working." The Fantilli boy whispered into your ears. You smiled slightly, turning your head to look at him. Ever since you had walked into the senior household earlier that night, one of Luca's arm around your waist, Nick's eyes had been focused on the two of you. The forward quickly downed his drink when he saw you sit on his best friend's lap, the two of choosing to sit on the very crowded couch instead of the empty one. When it was pong time, Luca was quick to announce the two of you would be teaming up, which mean Nick had to find a new partner.
Luca pressed a kiss right next to your lips, something you had agreed to before walking into the house. But from Nick's point of you, it looked like the two of had just shared a very intimate kiss. The boy decided he had enough and just walked away from the game, leaving everyone confused.
"Go after him." Luca mumbled, pushing towards where the boy had just left. Everyone's confused eyes watched as you made your way out of the house, joining Moldy on the front porch.
"The game wasn't done, you know." You immediately cursed yourself mentally for saying that. Nick scoff as he leaned down on the rail with his forearms, rolling his eyes slightly.
"Go away." He whispered, scoffing once again when you instead joined him, leaning on the rail next to him.
"What's wrong?"
"You."
"Me?"
"Yeah, you. How long have you been fucking my best friend behind my back?" He asked harshly, pushing himself up and turning his body to be facing you.
"Me and Luca aren't fucking. He's my friend."
"Then why the fuck were his hands all over you? And why'd he kiss you, huh?" The boy asked, taking a step closer to you.
"Can you stop? God, Nick, you're acting like your five, getting made 'cause I have other friends that aren't you!" You yelled, taking a step back and creating more space between the two of you. "Why do you even care so much about me and Luca?"
"So, you admit there's something going on between you two?"
"I didn't fucking say that, Nick. Can you just get your head out of your ass for one minute and fucking listen to what I am saying!" You spoke, your voice still has loud as before. the boy didn't speak after that, a sign that he was finally going to listen to what you had to say.
"There's nothing going on between me and Luca, okay? We're friends, always have and always will be. I was feeling down and he was just trying to cheer me up, nothing more." You explained, technically you didn't lie. You were in fact feeling upset, but making Nick jealous was the main reason why Luca had been all over you tonight, but that's not something Nick needed to know.
"Why didn't you come see me? Y/N/N I am always here for you, always." He whispered. You could hear a small hint of hurt in his voice by the fact that you choose to go see his instead of him to cheer you up.
"It's not something I can just talk to you about, Nicky." You sighed, getting slightly nervous.
"Why not? You can talk to me about anything, Y/N/N, I won't judge you, you know that." He stated, sounding even more hurt than before.
"It's... it's complicated." You answered, your eyes looking at the ground. Well, that was until Nick stepped closer to you, cupping your face in his hands and forcing you to look at him. You leaned into his touch, letting out a small breath of relief at the contact between your skins.
"Talk to me, munch." He whispered, using the nickname he had chosen for you, shorting munchkin because he was too lazy to pronounce the last syllable.
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"You. I can't talk to you... about you." You admitted, trying to look down at the ground again, but Nick was quick to keep your focus on him.
"Me? What about me?"
"Promise me... promise me nothing's gonna change."
"I promise, Y/N/N." The boy whispered. You nodded slightly in response before finally admitting how you felt.
"When... when I am with you, I get like this weird feeling in my stomach, a good feeling. I just always wanna be around you; you make me happy, so happy. I want you in my life until forever, and just the thought of losing you to someone else makes me sick." You confessed, your eyes avoiding his, but glancing every now and then to him.
"Y/N, I don't understand..." He trailed off. You suddenly felt embarrassed, this was a horrible idea. You should've never listened to Luca.
"Forget it." You mumbled, trying to walk away from him, but his grip was too strong.
"Hey, hey, don't walk away. You know I am not the brightest kid out there." He quickly said, pulling you into his chest as his arms wrapped around your shoulders. Your own went around his waist as your head rested on his chest, his chin on the top of your head. "Talk to me, munch."
"I love you, idiot. In more than a best friend way." You finally told him. After a couple of seconds, Nick pulled you away from his chest, and before you even had a chance to react, his lips were on yours.
"You could've just said so instead of cozying up with Fantilli all night. Y/N/N, I've had like the biggest crush on you since we've met, I thought I made it pretty obvious." He chuckled. You felt your cheeks burn as a shy smile appeared on your face.
"Wanna be my boyfriend?" You ask shyly, giggling lightly. The boy in front of you nodded eagerly before connecting your lips again. The two of you eventually got a little carried away, now standing on the porch deep into a make-out session.
"Okay, as much as I am loving the two of finally growing up, you are not making babies on this porch." Luca spoke out after a couple of minutes, literally pulling the two of you apart. "Keep that shit to your bedrooms. And wear protection!"
"Luca!"
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smoshyourheadin · 1 month
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Sunshine and Soda Cans
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Part 2 - Bubbles
"hey, spencer!" angela jogs up to spencer as you walk into the office. you wander to the kitchen to grab a soda, and put your stuff down.
"(y/n) said shes struggling with editing the new try not to laugh episode, and i don't think she's going to ask for help because she's too stubborn, so can you just check on her and give her a hand?". spencer looks over at you, and back to angela
"yeah sure! i'll catch up with her later" angela gives him a big grin, and then walks over to you, striking up a conversation.
later on, you're sat at your desk, editing away. you've been stuck re-trimming the same clip for like twenty minutes, and you're becoming increasingly frustrated.
"hey, (y/n)!"
his voice catches your attention, making you look up, but not away from the screen.
"hi spence, uh- what's up?" you say, eyes still glued to your screen.
"oh nothing, just checking how you're getting on with the try not to laugh edit. everything going good?"
"no actually' you, look up at him and you chuckle "ive, i've been trying to edit the same clip for like ever, and it won't save properly. im losing my mind!"
he smiles at you honesty, and pulls up a chair to help you out. after about an hour, you two get a bit bored and decide to go live on the games channel, streaming some sims
"alrighty then guys, hello! welcome to the games channel, today me and spencer are going to be playing some sims 4!" you smile into the camera, adjusting your hair, and you relax into your chair.
"guys, can we hate on (y/n) in chat for drowning my sims last time" spencer says sarcastically, glaring at you sassily.
"hey!" you elbow him, playfully "you made fun of my sims' fashion choices!"
he laughs at your anger, and you talk with the chat for a little while as the game loads
"okay, my plan is to make a love triangle in my mansion. i want to see if they can handle the drama.." you say, tapping your fingertips together
"woah, okay dr. evil!" he says, laughing with you
you guys start making some characters that, suspiciously, resemble each other. as you begin to play, your sims keep chatting to eachother
"hey, (y/n), why does your sim keep flirting with mine? got a crush or something?" spencer says with a smirk
"oh, please! my sim is just being friendly! unlike yours, who keeps stealing my sim's food!!! didn't realise your name was tina.." you giggle at your own joke, napoleon dynamite is one of the first things you two bonded over, so you both have a good laugh.
you guys play for about two hours, and then decide to wrap up, finishing the stream
before getting up to leave, you guys share a lingering gaze, and you see the colours in his eyes. you give him a ride back to his apartment, and you turn of your radiohead "in rainbows' cd. weird fishes/arpeggi comes on, as you pull up infront of his apartment. you look over at him with a sweet smile.
"well, see you tomorrow spence"
"yeah. looking forward to it"
you two lock eyes, and then he gently pulls you into a sweet kiss, his hand lingering on your jaw as you melt into his touch. he tastes like mt dew, and you smile against his lips. as you break away, you already miss his lips on yours.
"see ya, (y/n)" he says with a smile and a new twinkle in his eye, exiting the car and walking into his apartment block.
you sit in your car for at least another five minutes; eyes glassy, chest heavy, and palms sweating. you pick up your phone, and open up the phone app, ringing the only person you can think of to call.
"hey jelly, do we have any icecream? i need to tell you what's just happened"
you hear angela open the freezer over the phone, and she says
"yeah, we have some vanilla and i think there's some strawberries in the fridge. everything okay?"
"yeah," you breathing staggers, fully realising what just happened "me and spencer kissed"
"I'M SORRY WHAT"
you hang up, and start driving back to your apartment.
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a/n— hey!! thank you all so much for the love on part one omg love y’all for that ahhh 😚 my requests are open btw!! so feel free to request anything, not just smosh stuff!! i’ll write for anything (even if im not in the fandom 😚)! okay yeah hope you all enjoy pt2!! love y'all 💛
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kaebedom-me · 1 year
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in which gojo cant seem to get his shit together when he's in front of the person he likes
synopsis: gojo tries his best to impress a regular he's been crushing on, too bad he can't keep his shit together long enough to make a proper latte
cw: gojo x reader, the babygirlfication of gojo satoru, ooc!gojo, he's actually not ooc my personal hc is that he gets real flustered in front of the person he really likes that's why, equally flustered and shy!reader, fem!reader, fluff, slightly proofread but not really, this is part of @freyzrc's very cute very good cafe au series! so please support the original creator!
word count: 1544
a/n: im actually scheduled for another DisappearanceTM but i 🥺 anyway, if you've been wondering where I've been I'm actually neck deep in jjk hell hence! i present to you, tumblr, this fic!!! (more hcs and context after the fic if you're interested in my ramblings)
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Gojo, despite his very pretty (self-proclaimed) appearance, actually prefers to work the morning shift during the times when the café was not a bar. It’s definitely not because he’s more of a morning person, it’s also definitely not because he hates alcohol. Also, it’s certainly absolutely positively NOT because of a pretty girl that comes in every once in a while, to grab a latte at a time where it (in his opinion) should be an inappropriate time to get coffee. But it’s favourite part of the day anyway, he always finds himself looking forward to it despite the irregularity of the girl’s visit.
“Ah! Welcome!” Itadori’s voice chimed in, snapping Gojo out of his daydreaming.
“Welcome!” Gojo exclaimed, too. He turned around just in time to catch sight of the girl he was daydreaming about coming to the counter.
To say he was a little excited was an understatement, because Gojo had almost dropped the cup that he was drying to the floor, earning a snort from Geto who’d been standing next to him the entire time. Gojo turned to glare at him for a split second before returning his attention to you.
“The usual, right?” Itadori asked cheerily.
“Actually, could I get it hot today?” you asked softly.
“Of course! That’ll be out to you in a jiffy!”
You gave Itadori a smile while tucking away your wallet. As you walked away, you glanced behind the counter to note who was on shift. Geto gave you a kind nod before whispering something to Itadori.
Before you could get too far away Itadori raised his voice a little to catch your attention. “Um! Miss! Excuse me! I’m so sorry to bother but we’re a little short staffed today, would you mind waiting here for your coffee?”
He asked you so nicely you weren’t able to say no, it’s not like you would’ve in the first place, though. You approached the end of the counter, where they usually put the drinks before serving.
Geto gave you an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, Megumi-kun’s out with the dogs and I’m just about to take my break, so I really hope you don’t mind.”
You nodded; you understood you told him.
“Thank you so much, hun’! It’s nice seeing you again.” Geto beamed, and right there you swear you died while you were on your way here because this can’t be happening.
Geto quickly excused himself and went to the back, leaving you flustered.
Gojo was by the machines pulling a shot when Geto so kindly passed by him to pat him on the butt. The daggers he had been glaring at him had Geto trying not to laugh the entire time.
When you noticed it was your favourite white-haired barista making your coffee today you nearly choked on your own spit. Surely, you definitely died on the way here today, that was the only reason why the stars had aligned so perfectly today.
By the time you snapped back to your senses, Gojo was practically right in front of you assembling the drinks. You were way too nervous to look directly at him but you felt it would’ve been rude to look away considering you just made eye contact with him.
You awkwardly gave him a smile, and he returned it stiffly. “Uh, nice weather, huh?”
“Yeah!” You answered.
Curses! “Nice weather”??? That’s all he could come up with??? The only time he gets to talk to you outside of the usual short conversation while you ordered and he had to mess it up??? A disgrace! He’s The Gojo Satoru! How could he have been so-!!
It was then Gojo slightly slipped up and spilled some of the milk from the pitcher. “Shit,” he cursed.
He shouldn’t have looked up. But he did, and he made direct eye contact with you. GOD! STUPID! How did he mess it up this badly! Gojo wanted to curl into a ball and hide under the stupid cabinets right now.
“I usually don’t fuck up this badly-”
“Oh!!! Um! It’s ok! Take your time,” you tried and offered him your best smile.
Huh? HUH???? Did he seriously, seriously accidentally say that out loud? In front of you??? Of all people?????
Gojo cleared his throat as he felt the heat rush up into his cheeks. He has to save this somehow. “I, uh- Erm, is there any particular latte art you like?”
Taken off guard, you shook your head. “Anything’s good really!”
FUCK. What now?? He just kind of made conversation with you, should he continue?? Should he give you some options? A heart? What?! No! That’s too obvious! A swan? A rose? C’mon, Gojo, think! You can do better than those basic fucking starter latte art. Maybe he should drop dead and die, there’s no saving this interaction at this point.
“Maybe?” You quietly piped in. “Those plant looking ones? I think they look nice.”
A tulip? A tulip! Gojo’s got this! This is easy! Tulips are so easy! And he’s the best latte art maker in this whole damn café!
“Sure!” He puffed up his chest and answered as cheerily as he can, trying to hype himself up. If this goes well, maybe, MAYBE, he’d deem himself worth enough to ask for your number.
A tulip, a tulip, a tulip. A very simple and easy design. Yes, Gojo can make it with his eyes closed. He can even make it more complicated and intricate, that’ll surely impress you enough to want to give him your number. Super simple tulips are, he’s been making them since forever.
So why, why, WHY, is his hand shaking so badly. No!! No!!!! He has to do this perfectly! Oh, God, he can feel you looking at him and waiting. You’ve been waiting for a while too, he knows this! But God damn it, Megumi didn’t have to come in at this time to remind him that you’ve been waiting for a while. No! Focus! He can do this! Make good latte art, get pretty girl’s number!
Gojo ignored Itadori calling Megumi over to the back. He breathed in and let his hands worked his magic. This was easy! It’s practically muscle memory at this point! He’s got this!
Make good latte art, get pretty girl’s number!
Gojo must’ve been too excited because he fucking accidentally poured too much of the stupid milk into the damn cup too quickly and royally fucked whatever art he was about to make.
Gojo wanted to scream.
“Oh, um, I can still take that,” you piped in.
Oh, fucking fuck, you were watching him the entire time too. Gojo wanted to cry.
“No, no, I’ll remake it-”
“No! It’s ok! I don’t mind,” you said again. “I really don’t mind.”
You were truly an angel sent from heaven. How are you so forgiving and cute?? He can never show his face again the next time you come in.
“Ah, at least let me draw something on it to make up for it,” Gojo meekly offered.
Too shy to say no, you let and then watched him shuffle a little to the side to reach for the chocolate syrup.
Gojo made quick work of drawing Shiro into the latte you ordered. It wasn’t something too impressive but he knew at least you’d like it considering how much time you spend with Megumi’s dog whenever you came in.
“Enjoy,” he sheepishly muttered to you while he slid the coffee towards you.
Curse that stupid!!! Suguru!!!! For making you, of all people, stand by the counter to watch him work.
He watched as your eyes lit up at the little doodle he made. “Sorry I’m kinda off my game today,” he lamely excused himself. “It’s not the tulip you wanted but I hope it’s enough, I swear I’m a killer with latte art.”
You nodded, still eyeing the little Shiro on your cup, absent-mindedly you said, “It’s ok, maybe next time!”
Gojo perked up at that. The fact that you were still willing to come back!!! Ah, that almost brought tears to his eyes. “Next time for sure,” he promised.
Realising what you had just heard you snapped back to look at him. He was smiling gently down at you now and your heart almost burst out of your chest right there. You nodded and offered him another smile before scuttering away to find a seat.
おまけ
“Oh my God, that was so painful to watch,” Geto could hardly contain his laughter.
“Hey!!! Whose fault was it, huh!! I could’ve made the best damn art in my entire career!! And you!!! You fucked me over,” Gojo whisper shouted at Geto while the other staff slowly made their way back to the front.
“You screwed it up yourself,” muttered Megumi. “It was funny to watch though, I’m glad we took the shorter route back today.”
“Yeah, the Gojo Satoru fumbling so badly,” chimed Geto.
Itadori walked over to where Gojo was and offered him the cloth by the sink. “Aw, I think you did your best, senpai! Next time! You’ll make the best damn latter art in your entire career, I’m cheering for you!”
Gojo snatched the cloth from Itadori and glared at his friends before wiping down the mess he made. 
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so as mentioned, my personal hc is that gojo gets really flustered and shy when he's in front of the person his likes that's why he's like that in the fic uwu
it's just a simple cafe au with your favourite jjk boys
according to @freyzrc the bar becomes a bar after hours so your faves are able to pick and choose what shifts they prefer to work and when
i say your faves but really its up to you (read: me) if i want to see who at when and where lMAO
in my head, if i were to make this into a series it'd be like a dating sim with different routes depending on your fave that you're after
but also, there's no particular order in which events happen because I'm really writing this as a one off HAHAHA
if you're curious though, you can read it as a "best moments compilation" thing, but if you're on the other routes, the events of this route then not something that happened? it's basically kind of like the timeline branches out and there's multiple different universes within this universe
this route is gojo x reader + geto x reader with a hint of satosugu
this was intended to be a gift to the original artist so uwu reader is the way they are because of that
gojo does crush on geto here in this route but his brain actually doesn't process his feelings for geto because he dug himself a very deep friendzone hole. it's very tragic :/
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5-pp-man · 2 months
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another tierlist because ppl actually liked that first one;
the crème de la crop;
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the first 2 eps i thought it was fine, but it didnt really captivate me as much as id hoped. but then ep 3 changed everything for me. i started to think "how could living armour work logically? everything so far has been edible, so this must be too, right?" i actually managed to think of the exact thing that this series did. that really made me realise the worldbuilding in this was something unique, and it only got better and better with each episode. its really managed to captivate me and i look forward to "delicious donderdag" every week :)
ANIME ORIGINAL LETS GOOOO absolutely bonkers show that almost slipped by me because it initially tried to fool its audience into thinking it was a regular dramatic military show. it still is but theres also a giant robot who plays by saturday morning cartoon giant robot rules. if that sounds like tonal whiplash to you, trust me, it is. and its amazing. have i mentioned how homoerotic this one is as well? yeah. originally a tier below this one, but immediately after finishing this post i watched the newest ep. i had to make an exception and edit the list because ep 9 changes everything. i havent been gobsmacked by a show this hard in a while.
(return of the) show(s) that execute their own premise very well;
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i havent read the manga for yubisaki to renren so i cant compare, but the quality of this adaptation has been very consistent. you need a little sweet romance every once in a while :) this is one of those series where the characters really grew on me the longer it went on. im always a fan of mixing realistic struggles with romance and this one has been doing it well so far
adaptations that are ok (i read the manga for both of these);
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i've been a mashle fan since before s1 aired. and the anime has some good changes and additions here and there! but its not very consistent in terms of quality, it does that shonen thing where the animation quality suddenly spikes for certain action sequences, but it also frequently had a lot of scenes where they recycle shots a lot and nothing interesting happens on the screen for a considerable amount of time. still! its a fine adaptation. and yeah the op for this. blew tf up lmao? very strange to see happen in real time
i actually rlly like the manga for this one. i read the whole thing up until vol.6 before the season started (all that was available back then) and it made me cry multiple times throughout. i was sort of missing that connection with the show, though some of the later episodes still hit. its mostly to do with the animation quality, which isnt that great unfortunately. the voice actors are knocking it out of the park though
wghere am i;
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is this show good? i. uh. will you hate me if i say yes...? objectively, i know its not that good. especially in the animation department. but if you like other Umatani shows, you'll like this one. it's got the same brand of goofy reactionary humour mixed with gimmicky tacky characters and crazy stupid plot twists. ive been faithfully watching this one each week and I'm afraid i've become very invested. overscientific indeed
bro you fell off...;
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i was so beyond excited for this one. i replayed the op a million times, watched each preview, rewatched multiple episodes. and then. ep 5 happened. and i started to realise. oh this show kind of sucks doesnt it? the pacing of the first ep was great, but the rest? way too fast. it became clear with ep 6 that theyre trying to do a double cour show with half the length, which is why they started hauling ass plot-wise. now. i was an arajin apologist for the longest time. but at that point i honestly started to loathe him. even when he stepped up, his praise still felt sort of unearned. and to top it all off, shindou's motivation sucked so he felt like a lousy antagonist. ep6 was better than 5, but it really made me lose my enthusiasm and hope for the series. and right as we were talking about them probably not having time for a filler ep, ep7 happened. feels like a waste of time to do an ep like that when you've still got a whole 2nd arc to go through. but who am i
it started off pretty good honestly. but then chris went to the hospital and it kind of just dwindled from there. this season does so much with characters that have not even been properly introduced like how am i supposed to care about these people if i barely know who they are. the stuff with finn and leo respectively was good though. but the lore dump? lord help me. also vijay just kind of. exists to be there in the background huh? i would not call him a main character they never give him any attention. wendy had another ep again and he didnt get shit. again. also i think finn was stupid as fuck for not listening to lala but again. who am i. i know we cant destroy high card because we need a show but. cmon man.
i am severely behind on these;
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reason why im behind is because most of the eps are a bit heavy so i kept. not watching them. its starting to get rlly interesting though so i'm def gonna catch up this is one of those robo-racism shows so i have to really watch out to see where its going. dont want another marginal service situation...
sorry this is just. a little too boring for me. its charming, sure. but i think this wouldve worked better as something with an 11 min timeslot instead of 23 min. theres just a bit too mu- or well, too little for me to rlly get into this. i think reading it would be more fun for me personally
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spitdrunken · 1 year
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Ssssssigh. I don’t think I will ever be able to talk about shit like this off anon even tough I have accepting friends I’m just shyyyyy, but I need to babble of how the idea of shipcest reader insert blankshipping is consuming me. Y/N as the third sibling to the twins, wether they actually are a younger /older sibling or a “fun fact: the subway masters are actually triplets and have a non identical sibling” kind of deal, I am currently just smitten with the idea of Y/N that is actually related to them. The twins themself share a special bond that borders on twin thelepathy and it can make one feel like they are being left out, but they love the heck out if their non identical sibling as well. Bonus points for Y/N and Emmet actually hooking up first, Ingo knowing, but pointedly ignoring it / feeling guilty because in his confused mind he feels directly responsible for this, like his disgusting thoughts somehow seeped over to them. Which in turn both of his younger siblings to team up and try to get their Nii-San to join them, he deserves all their love as well. Come on Ingo don’t derail this three car train, we were both perfectly depraved even without you “corrupting us”, but if our darling big brother is just as perverted as we are there is no need to hide it from us no? Maybe we should give him some gentle but firm encouragement, make out a bit n in front of him, show him what he’s missing, call out for him when we kiss so he just knows how much his siblings want him to join?
notes: incest
i'm glad that despite your shyness, this blog could be a place for you to share your thoughts :D!! ingo and emmet incest stuff will forever hold a special place in my heart, so im always happy to write about it HAHA
I've always really liked the idea of Reader being a younger sibling of them! And the whole twin telepathy thing, you've hit the nail right on the head for me as well… I always kind of like the internal conflict of sibling!Reader seeing how close they are, how they can seemingly understand each other without words, and how they wish that they could have something like that for themselves… But knowing that it's not something achievable. Because while Ingo and Emmet understand you better than most people, it's still not the same.
Perhaps this desire for closeness got twisted somewhere along the way, and that's how everything ended up like this. You felt desire for, and later, a feeling of satisfaction in sharing something with Emmet that he didn't with Ingo, as far as you knew, at least.
Still, it probably happened in some kind of drunken state of mind, because to make the first move on your brother takes a special kind of courage. I think that Emmet would very enthusiastically reciprocate, honestly. With this kind of dynamic, I really enjoy the idea that they've all just been secretly pining for each other for years.
Ingo is the one who has always felt the guiltiest about it, and the most disgusting. He's also the one that thought about you the most often. Even though he's seen you the first time, and left without you noticing, he watched for far, far too long instead of stopping you.
When you and Emmet try to convince him to join, Ingo freezes up entirely. The words that usually flow so readily from his lips have dried up entirely. The part of him that hopes that this is a dream, and that it's not, clash with equal powers. He knows he's kind of standing at a point of no return.
His silence, combined with the expression that's unreadable, even for you, someone who knows him so long, is somewhat terrifying. You shoot Emmet a nervous glance, but he seems unconcerned. He was the one who told you it was definitely okay to do this, after all.
And yet… With your lips still slick with Emmet's spit, you ask: "You… Don't think I'm disgusting for this, do you? You don't hate me?"
"Of course not," Ingo breathes out. "I could never." And he takes a shaky first step forward, and he never looks back.
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im too lazy to read all those questions so all of them
well fuck here we go
~
this took me three days-
1: Whats your biggest insecurity?
I've got three; my body(I feel too feminine), peoples true feelings in me, and my work ethic and effort
2: Biggest physical insecurity?
My chest/torso area
3: Do you like the person your becoming?
Yeah, I like the life I'm working towards is good and i can't wait to live in it
4: Whats the one thing that you thar everyone but you can do?
Actually get peoples attention irl, my voice isn't very loud
5: Do you suffer from anxiety/depression/ptsd/etc?
Yes, I used to, and I think so.
6: Where were you born?
Southern Texas, much more humid
7: What do you think people say behind your back
No good stuff, but that might be the anxiety
8: Do you look up to anyone?
Not really, most of my idols were shitty
9: What makes you feel guilty?
Do not get me started, I can start feeling guilty for someone's tone towards me
10: Boring hobby you enjoy?
Watching gaming videos
11: Do you like who you are around people
No, not really. I'm often forgotten and not included because I'm to anxious to start a conversation
12: Future plans?
Go to art school, start a comfy, domestic life
13: Tell a secret
I hate celery
14: Whats an embarrassing event your still really petty about?
I once got in trouble for involuntarily screamed during sex ed because there were pictures
15: Do you get wonderlust?
YES. EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME
16: Romantic prefernce
I prefer women/femenine people, but I am not closed to anything
17: How many parents do you have?
Four, two step and two bio
18: Do they get along?
No, not really. My dad and mom can never communicate and cause me to mediate since I was little. Plus, my step mom and dad often scream at eachother
19: Do you swear?
Fuck yeah
20: How many siblings? Relationship with them?
Four step siblings, two sisters, both older, two brothers, on older and one younger. I'm very close with my younger brother, Bold. I'm not very close with my older siblings, as they are on my dads side.
21: Ever hurt someone emotionally?
I really try not to unless they have hurt me badly enough, but I have had to turn people down.
22: Has someone hurt you emotionally?
Constantly
23: Do you believe in the afterlife?
Yeah! There's gotta be something after this!
24: What lies do you believe anyways
That my friend is straight, he sent a group chat that I was in a bunch of thirst traps
25: Do you consider yourself to be poor, average, or wealthy?
I'd consider my family to be better then average but not wealthy
26: tattoo meanings?
Id like a flower tattoo of something meaningfull, I'm not sure yet however
27: How many friend groups do you have? How do they vary?
I don't really have friend groups, but my irl friends vary so much
28: Do you work?
Not quite, I have a practicum do school however
29: do you want a partner for life?
Yes
30: Who have you never forgiven?
Nobody
31: What are you looking forward to now?
Long term: Meeting all of you and giving you all cupcakes
Short term: I'm going out of town soon
32: If there's anything you could've changed about your past, what would it be?
I wish I didn't show as much academic potential then what I truly have when I was younger. Less stress and maybe I could've been diagnosed sooner
33: favorite color
RED LOVE RED
34: Unpopular opinion
I don't like pizza, unless its hiiwain
35: Last good book you read
To kill a mocking bird, as boring as it was to read for school, it was still good
36: Favorite book
Wishtree
37: Favorite poem?
Don't have one
38: Favorite movie?
Luca
39: Favorite song?
This rotates very often, but currently, Partners in crime by Set it off
40: Favorite kind of food?
Sweet and chewy
41: What kind of food trigger your gag reflex?
No foods. But when I bone breaks and you can see the break, ill need a moment
42: What are you missing in your life
As fucking cheesy as it sounds, you guys. I don't like the majorit of people here and i need to hug you all
43:if you could chose your name—
I did, it’s Parker
44/45/46: earliest/recent/beautiful Dream you remember having?
I don’t dream
47: do you have a car?
nope! I’m not able to legally allowed to drive and I have hamaxophobia
48: are you scared of death?
nope, it happens to all of us. I just don’t want to speed up the process
50: Dream job?
I would love to create something like TADC, lackidasiy, or something like that. I’d love to create the story and work on the animation
51: are you religious?
Kinda, I grew up with a Christian belief, but I don’t affiliate with any specific religion. I believe there’s something out there, but not anything specifically.
52: how do you calm yourself?
distraction, if I get my mind off of what’s bothering me, then I’ll be fine
53: most annoying thing that happens daily
my bones popping and hurting
54: urban, suburban, or rural
Urban
55: one talent you wish you had?
I wanna play piano
56: do well or struggle in school?
depends on the class
57: speech impediment?
I have a bit of a stutter when I speak because I’m thinking to fast
58: most terrifying thing that ever happened to you?
getting outed without my consent
59: Happiest day of your life?
Meeting all of you, especially Zain
60: early, on time, or late?
yes
61: quirks?
None that I can think of, most that are visible is just me stimming
62: do you wish you could start tomorrow with a clean slate?
I mean, don’t I already do that every morning. In a sense of course
63: do you ever get paranoid?
yes quite often
64: do you believe in human souls?
kinda??? I mean, I think people are born with certain personality characteristics, but also I think it can be altered by environment
65: what’s a mistake you’ll never make again
making a chocolate pie and trusting certain people
66: what fandoms do you belong to?
utmv mainly, but I enjoy anything that you guys and gals bring me
67: Old urls
Used to be CallMeAdam, i was rotating through names I'd like to call myself, but I much prefer Parker and Italic now
68: How often do you lie?
A lot. Compulsively. Only to teachers and parents.
69: do you like the attention you get?
mostly, there’s some that I don’t like but that’s mostly irl attention
70: are you dating someone? What’s your favorite thing about them?
I am indeed! I love her confidence, but I adore everything about her
71: are you concerned about the environment?
yes
72: what stresses you out most?
Drama that gets blown out of proportion, school, going to my dads
73: credit, debit, EBT, or cash
cash. It’s much harder to track back to me
74: favorite historical figure?
I don’t know his name, but the dude who consumed his entire supply of pervirtin or however you spell it
75: what’s a movie you know is bad but enjoy anyways
Big, it’s awful but so funny
77: what’s your kink?
got a few; praise, dominance, and a few others I will only mention in private
78: what’s the on thing you don’t feel comfortable doing around friends?
there’s a lot of things, but talking is a big one
79: most prized possession?
heart necklace
80: are ever proud of yourself?
sometimes
81: do you ever tear yourself down?
yep
82: do you ever tell people how you feel?
maybe, depends
83: do you like it when people guess how you feel?
depends. If you’re wrong, im punching you(unless we’re joking around). If your right, then it make both of our lives so much easier
84: are you worried about someone close to you?
constantly, we’re all mentally I’ll and I’m way too empathetic for my own good
85: How many interview questions do you answer to yourself?
I don't exactly understand what this is asking, but I have done interviews before so just standard questions about my art work and life
86: if you could meet anyone living or dead, who would it be?
you already know who I’m going to say
87: if I had a clone of myself, and there’s not enough resources, would you get along?
most likely, im am very self sacrificing when it come to my mental and physical health
88: what kind of things confuse you
it can be anything if you try an describe it to me verbally
89: are to hot or too cold?
yes
90: What time period, other then the current one, would you like to be in
Well, probably somewhere in the 1500's,
91: what’s your sign? Does it match you?
Aquarius, and kinda
92: do you believe in astronomy?
no, but I still find it to be really interesting
93: do you like extreme activities?
some, im not very. Brave.
94: are you waiting for someone to save you?
not really, I want to save myself and bring others with me
95: can you remember the last time you had a deep connection with someone?
yeah, with panda on Sunday. It felt like talking to my future self/pos
96: do you like where you grew up?
nope! Terrible for my asthma, never felt accepted by people irl, plus a terrible problem with cis men being asshole and weird
97: favorite word
moonstruck; the incapability to be normal from being deeply enamored or in love with something or someone
98: do you think your interesting?
yeah!
99: what people do you wish knew me better?
my parents, all four of them. Maybe I’d be happier if they understood
100: are you okay?
not really, but I’m working towards being better
101: what’s been going on in your mind lately?
lotsa ideas for animations
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abbacuuss · 6 months
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1. selfie: I'll post one after this.
2. what would you name your future kids? Genevieve and Canderous Scott or Scott.
3. do you miss anyone? I miss my brother, Drew.
4. what are you looking forward to? Just being happy.
5. is there anyone who can always make you smile? My mom.
6. is it hard for you to get over someone? Absolutely.
7. what was your life like last year? Full of sickness.
8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed? Yes
9. who did you last see in person? My mom.
10. are you good at hiding your feelings? Yes. I'm a Capricorn.
11. are you listening to music right now? No just a fan.
12. what is something you want right now? Tacos.
13. how do you feel right now? My body hurts.
14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you? Its been a while
15. personality description: Sarcastic nerd
16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t? Yeah.
17. opinion on insecurities. I am insecurities personified.
18. do you miss how things were a year ago? Not at all.
19. have you ever been to New York? I've never been out of the Tristate area.
20. what is your favourite song at the moment? Word up by Cameo
21. age and birthday? 32 and Jan 15th
22. description of crush.
23. fear(s): Death.
24. height: 6'
25. role model: My brother.
26. idol(s): Billie
27. things i hate: myself
28. i’ll love you if… you accept me as I am.
29. favourite film(s): Donnie Darko, original Ghostbusters, and 10 things I hate about you
30. favourite tv show(s): too many to name
31. 3 random facts: I can't roll my tongue, I can't blow bubbles in gum, and penguins have a gland above their eyes that convert salt water to fresh water to see when diving.
32. are your friends mainly girls or guys? Girls?
33. something you want to learn: more languages
34. most embarrassing moment: peed myself at a church sleepover. I didn't even go to that church.
35. favourite subject: pottery
36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill? Be happy, be comfortable financially, treat my mom right.
37. favourite actor/actress: Paul Rudd
38. favourite comedian(s): Gabriel Iglesias
39. favourite sport(s): curling
40. favourite memory: Coming home from the hospital after my blood clot.
41. relationship status: single
42. favourite book(s): World War Z
43. favourite song ever: Pearl of the Stars by Coheed and Cambria
44. age you get mistaken for: 20s
45. how you found out about your idol: He is my sibling.
46. what my last text message says: "nope. Not hurt."
47. turn ons: ask me privately.
48. turn offs: Dishonesty
49. where i want to be right now: Im in bed so...
50. favourite picture of your idol: nope
51. starsign: Capricorn
52. something i’m talented at: making people laugh
53. 5 things that make me happy: my cats, tacos, video games, giving love, and learning new things.
54. something thats worrying me at the moment: my heart.
55. tumblr friends: all of them.
56. favourite food(s): Mexican food, Italian food, American Chinese food
57. favourite animal(s): otters and cats
58. description of my best friend: n/a
59. why i joined tumblr: was reporting e3 back in 2009
60. ask me anything you want: you didn't ask me anything.
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neurotic--erotic · 6 months
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rambling about stuff and things (hi again)
hi, it's neo!!! long time no see, i missed it here :D this is gonna be a long text post and i'm just going to be talking a lot and reflecting on this whole blog. it's just a lot of personal feelings and life and other boring stuff. not sure if it's going to reach anyone and it probably won't be interesting, i've just been feeling very sentimental recently and wanted to talk about shit.
i know i've kind of just abandoned this blog and im really sorry. everything on this blog is representative of a period of my life that i look back on with nothing but fondness and joy, and im genuinely kind of sad it has passed.
i think when i started this blog i must have been 15 or 16, im 18 now and im in college :D i haven't updated here since my junior year i believe, but i have logged in occasionally since then, whenever i remember to, and it really warms my heart to see people continuing to find my stuff buried in the recesses of 2021-22 - if a little guilty as well for not being around as much but really i'm just very grateful. i've always been really socially inhibited and afraid to insert myself into online circles. this silly little blog was honestly a step forward for me because i always keep my hyperfixations to myself for the most part. i never really engaged with this community on a deep level besides putting my silly posts out into the ether, but it was still a very new thing for me to make myself seen, especially to share things that i made, and it meant so much to me to receive such positive feedback on it once i did.
sometimes i really hate my hyperfixation style. i fall so hard in love with something, i center my whole life around it, it basically becomes a part of my identity, but all of a sudden it no longer brings me that same rapturous joy. it gets kind of awkward when i've centered my entire blog around one thing, i've made myself known for being solely dedicated to that thing, and i just don't know what to do once i lose interest. it's hard for me to fake that passion, but i have no idea how to shift gears at that point, so i just kind of disappear. i more recently made a new blog and this same pattern kinda happened again with a more recent media hyperfixation. i don't know what it is about that piece of media, because a few months ago i was completely enraptured in it but at this point it feels so strangely far away that the thought of it almost repulses me somehow? i can't figure out why i fell so hard out of love with it, but i guess that's not the point. i was just thinking about that because it's so different from my experience with this blog.
i still love will wood, probably always will, i still consider ww/wwatt to be my favorite artist of all time if not just really high up there. i don't believe any other singular artist has had so much of an impact on me, and i'm so grateful for everything. that's another reason why it's kinda sad that i don't have the same amount of hyperfixation energy about ww; back then i fully understood how masterful and special this music is and the amount of passion i had for it, to fully immersing myself and to understanding everything about it that i loved so much, reflected the level of awe and excitement i thought it deserved. part of me thinks the right way to experience and appreciate music should be just like that, at least for me, and i wish i had that much passion about things more often. this might just be my special interest bias but i think music-related hyperfixation is so amazing, because so much goes into music as an art form that deserves to be appreciated to the fullest extent. my expressions of love most often tended to center around lyrics and lyrical analysis, as i think you can see on this blog, but i was also passionate about things like the musical composition, instrumentation, and behind the scenes stuff, just absolutely everything that went into it. i've always loved music, but this hyperfixation really taught me to like, LOVE music for the first time. i really look at music in a whole different way because of ww. i have so much appreciation for musical artists and the art of creating music.
of course, a part of it was the parasociality as well, i've always thought it was important to be honest with myself about that aspect of musical hyperfixation and to be careful to handle it appropriately and respectfully. i relate it to musical hyperfixation in specific because for me a considerable amount of hyperfixating on music extends past the music itself and ends up including the artist. ww's music was utterly fascinating and i became fascinated by the mind and talent that created it. that's another way it's changed the way i look at music; artists are so often just as interesting as their art, often because of the way their ideas, values, experiences, and character translate into artistic expressions that seem so much grander in scale than just one person. i wanted to better understand the music because a big part of why it appealed to me was that i felt that it understood me. i think it's that i felt such a personal connection to the ideas being expressed and the way they were expressed, i wanted to be able to express myself similarly but i couldn't, so i settled for gathering an encyclopedic wealth of knowledge about every aspect that shaped the music into the form it was presented to me, and that included understanding the artist. i developed this fascination with the way that any piece of art that anyone creates is inherently affected by the person that makes it, the time and place they make it, the mindset of the person and the experiences that shaped their mindset. even unconsciously or abstractly, when we make art we answer to an internal need to say something or give something form. i have a very analytical brain and i feel i often need to fit things together like puzzle pieces so that they make logical sense in my brain, but that logical approach was a way i used to bring myself closer to the music.
i really did (obviously still do) have so much respect for will wood, i regarded him as extremely talented in so many ways that i wished i could be, and i felt deeply thankful that he exists and that he put his art into the world. (all of these r still true of course.) every time i made something to post on here or infodumped about his music or something, i was expressing my gratitude towards him but directed it elsewhere. i think i was interested and fascinated by him as a person but above all else i was grateful. and it was weird to feel that amount of gratefulness towards a human being that i had never met and did not know i exist. i mean i'd had short-term parasocial fixations on people before, including specific musical artists, but probably the reason my ww fixation lasted so long and had such an impact on me was because of the amount of connection i felt to the music, like it 'saved me' in a way (cliche i know), and like it was destiny that i found it.
i guess i'll talk about that too. i think i must have discovered will wood and the tapeworms in 2019 (i remember it was my freshman year of high school), when spotify randomly showed me self-ish as a recommended album. i'd never heard of it in my life. i listened to it for the album art alone, and whenever i tell this story i need to stress how rare that is for me to do. i've never been the type to jump into an album i've never heard anything about or to be instantly fascinated by an artist. again, if i had a stronger belief in the concept of destiny, i'd point to this instance, but although i say so in a generally playful way, i really can't express how happy i am that this happened. i became obsessed with the album. i found it during a transitionary period of my life that was chaotic and often very stressful, and i fell back very heavily on all sorts of music, among which i came to consider self-ish part of this heavy rotation.
from there i eventually listened to everything is a lot, probably around 2020, and the normal album later that year. i really cant remember precisely when it transformed from a favorite artist to an all-consuming hyperfixation, but it was definitely within The Timeframe. you know the one the 2020 one. i got more and more into analyzing his songs and concurrently started watching interviews and stuff and becoming fixated on his public persona as well. there was a good period of time i would talk about it nonstop, and i started this blog in the middle of that, which is definitely very evident. late 2020 through 2022 were the golden years so to speak, but especially 2021.
i shared his music with my dad. we bonded over it a lot. it was really meaningful to me because i don't typically share my interests with him, and there have been occasions where he has been unreceptive or critical of them, but often we connect over music. i was so happy that he understood how fascinating i considered it and engaged with me in conversation about it. i have such fond memories relating to this, especially when we were on car rides together and we'd end up blasting the song with five names on full volume (ow, but fun lol).
in november 2021 my dad and i got to see ww in concert. he was offering like a vip front row q&a thing for that concert and my dad got those for us, i still cant believe that it makes me so happy thinking about it. took some really awkward pictures standing like 2 feet away from will and looking like i was about to explode, got a cd signed, cried during most of the performance, ended up getting a migraine from the spotlights and having to go outside for some of it, and it was the best fucking night of my life. i'll never forget how kind he was as well, because i was so nervous and awkward and lowkey panicking the whole time, i hope it didn't make him uncomfortable but he was so respectful and sweet and it meant so much to me. it was such a great experience. will is such a great person and i love my dad so much.
i guess after in case i make it i ended up moving on to other things, but in all honesty by that point i had lost a little bit of the passion already. i was still hyperfixated but at certain points i felt like i was faking it a little just because i didn't want to lose the happiness it'd given me for years at that point. again that's kind of just the cyclical nature of my fixated interests, at a certain point the adrenaline hit sadly starts to wear off. but i think because of this waning hyperfixation i experienced the album slightly differently than the previous few. for starters, i cried a lot. i think i wasn't so hyperfocused on analyzing the lyrics and dissecting every element, which was also largely because of how intimately emotional that album is, and instead i experienced it in a very sentimental and emotional way for the most part. i've been revisiting it a lot lately, it really has a special place in my heart. maybe it's the transition i've made as i've entered college that drew me back to the bittersweetness of ww's indefinite signing off in the form of solo music; in opposition to the chaos and passion that led me to this point, i've found myself in a place where it's often lonesome, reflective, and internal. i sometimes feel like i don't have as much time to be swept up in the world outside of myself, because i've just been trying to find my own place in the world. i think a lot about the future and what kind of person i am going to become. at times i feel like i've been distracted from the value of the things around me and out of touch with myself. i don't know. it's something of a comfort album, but it puts me in a very sensitive mood.
anyway, yeah. all this to say that i'm not hyperfixated on will wood anymore but he, his music, and all the memories i have attached to them will always have a very special place in my heart. i know i was never a big part of this fan community but i really can't express how much fun i had being here. again, i don't know who will see this and i'm sorry i stopped checking in, but i'm just so happy i existed in this space for a little while.
actually, i found a little something in my drafts that i never ended up publishing so.. maybe.. maybe content? :] maybe? just a little thing because like making graphics and posting song lyrics was so much fun and i just don't have the motivation to anymore and i miss doing it </3
i feel like i've said this a million times but thank you. like if ur seeing this ur so cool, even if you didn't read any of this and just scrolled to the bottom i'm so happy you're here. i guess we'll see what the future holds for this blog, which is to say i have no idea if i'll ever get around to posting anything and if i do i'm not really sure what it would be. besides the one draft that i want to see if i can finish up for funsies so i hope i can post that at least!!!
alright i can't believe i sat down for like 4 hrs and banged this whole thing out i'm in such a silly goofy mood rn. thank you for the last time. love you
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selamat-linting · 1 year
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there was a few things i missed and got wrong on my homestuck liveblog yesterday. first of all, i mistook terezi with kanaya with that morallegiance chat with vriska. makes sense, they used to be roleplay buddies until that mess of an incident. not taking away vriska's responsibility from that clusterfuck but, wonder how much of it is doc scratch influence. good god girl, why are you gambling with a literal god? also WHY rose is trusting that white ball asshole? i dont like him at all. he's basically responsible to a lot of the mess the trolls and beta kids is going through.
anyway, at the last page i left off, terezi and vriska's attitude towards each other is largely shown in the boy-off with dave and john. with karkat screaming in the background (he always screams in the background). so its easy to miss that theyre very much in a weird complicated, frenemy state with each other. that in between space where you're not sure if theyre genuinely fucking hates each other or theyre ribbing on each other like two meanspirited friends do. i've been there sister, i've been there.
speaking of vriska (again, because she is my child who has every disease), oh her relationship/friendship with tavros is very conflicted and, i dare say, delicious? this is something that im sure would hit even harder if tavros wasnt relegated to the butt of ableist jokes more than he's treated as a character but. trust me. imagine youre tavros. your friend(?) is vriska. she crippled you, she saved your life, she berates you at every turn, she kissed you. deep down she only wants best for you. she wanted you to kill her. she wanted you to hate her enough to do it. she doesnt want to bleed to death alone. she's begging you to kill her. she's could have forced you to do it but she doesnt. because this is for you both to grow stronger and survive. thats all she wanted all along. for you both to thrive in a world that eats you alive. she needs you to kill her. oh god *head in hands*
-so its really really sad to see vriska being so lonely after killing tavros. she dug a hole too deep to get out alone and the remaining friends she had that could have accepted her again are all dead or too burned out of her. i wish they both can meet each other again. just to talk and find closure. like, tavros deserves to be angry with vriska and he deserves to have that peace he always wanted from her. and vriska deserves to start being a better person and getting some peace of mind. she deserves a chance, is all im saying. like, its okay if tavros cant give it to her. but some of her friends could. maybe terezi? the worst they ever do to each other in terms of direct harm is the eye injury. or maybe karkat? oh god i dont want to hear them arguing, i would go deaf!
-at least vriska has john! its nice to see them being friends with each other. Tbh john has been a breath of fresh air (hehe) in all the doom and gloom. im not looking forward to him meeting his dead dad but right now, my boy is walking around the village with one of the finest music i heard so far. and then he drive a flying car with WV. its just, he is so positive and amidst a set of characters who lost all of their innocence, he remains as the one guy who tries to enjoy the game and take everything in stride. he felt smug when the salamanders keep referencing in his title, he bought everyone hats and snacks, he gave moral support to vriska. the harley and egbert family is so positive about everything and its so endearing!
-AND JADE! fuck yeah she's starting to show how awesome she is. YES JADE say fuck you to karkat! its been long overdue!!! she also should say fuck you to vriska too as a treat. and fuck you to tavros too. and fuck you to that prince of hope (more like doom lol) who blew up her computer. she deserve monetary compensation to deal with that troll polycruel.
-special mention to dave btw. i dont remember him doing anything particularly exciting lately but i believe he's the one carrying the team. john and jade had to do their quest to be effective in defeating the english demon guy (the brits are all demons lol) and rose had to be their prime researcher and strategist, so he basically did the save everyone's ass part. i cant wait to see him hang out with terezi. Also is it bad of me to want him go godtier? Like, it would be interesting.
-and other time aspect characters i want to appreciate, aradia! babygirl have finally get rid of her hopelessness and come back to life! and now she's bringing the gang back together!!! and putting the pieces on why gamzee suddenly breaks. too bad gamzee never had a chance to show his personality. anyway, im starting to think i was wrong about lil cal. like, i think it was posessed but oh no its just bro moving him around, but somehow that fucking puppet is the one wrapped up in literally everything. aradia finds that shitty doll and somehow its connected to gamzee losing it and the game sgurb and doc scratch and... whats going on????
-in conclusion, timebound kids are always the one carrying the team. they are hard to find but theyre the one who could determine how you win or lose the game.
-but how can i forget? kanaya! she came through. i really thought she was dead! but she is alive, and she kills people with a chainsaw than apply lipstick to her bloodstreak lips. she is trying so hard to be Hinged. final girl behavior fr. i wonder how she's going to meet rose again. i hope she talked rose out of that suicide mission.
-and can we talk about karkat? man, imagine leading an army of kids who did kill and maim each other before the game even starts. imagine being the lowest of the social hierarchy and trying to make the most toxic friendgroup filled with racists and murderers to listen to you. imagine being able to do that despite all the odds, bring them to victory, and have the price right on your hands only for it to be ripped away and your friends devolve into chaos and murder several hours later. its a failure of untold magnitude. no wonder he's so disturbed and angry at himself and everyone.
-okay now that im done with the characters. i want to compliment how good everyone looks. the art and the fashions are all sooo amazing. the talksprite is also wonderful. im inclined to change my pfp into feferi's talksprite because i like her design so much. also because hooray! She's just dead, not corrupted by horrorterrors. in my mind she is laughing at tavros and doomed dave rap battle while surrounded by beautiful scenery
-also, i cant believe infinite stairs are referenced AGAIN with sollux and karkat. and SMUPPET ASS JOKE? on tavros dead body? lmao. okay i need to see smuppet ass on dave again. he was just so funny with it. and karkat shipping craze with jadesprite and jade. the jokes are really good, fr
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falconcoast · 2 years
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my gosh, i have so much to say after reading “thin ice” i don’t even know where to begin!!!
first off, i’m so SEVERALLY sorry for spam-liking nearly all the chapters in the two-day time span 😭 i wanted to show my support so bad i didn’t even even realize it! your writing was simply so amazing that it was the least i could do!
secondly, i adore the way you write an outstanding amount; it’s the perfect balance between narration and dialogue and i wholeheartedly love and admire it in the same sense. the dialogue seems so nonchalant and realistic while the narration and descriptions are equally as vivid and beautifully written—especially the action scenes (more specifically, y/n’s performances and the games, especially the game in the last chapter! that was such an exhilarating read, i was on my toes the entire time auqqgwhfja)!
your characterization of childe and y/n are simply so stunning. highlighting both of their strengths and weaknesses so visibly in equal portion isn’t something i see often in works, especially in long series like this so extreme props to you! i especially loved childe’s extreme love of both hockey and family and how he prioritizes them—he’s so often mischaracterized as only mischievous so it was such a refreshing turn from the fratboy-who-only-cares-about-playing-girls trope he’s often stuck in. not only that, but the characterization of everyone in general are spectacular and humorous. i’m awed at the way you wrote jean and zhongli and always let out a small snort whenever the ragnvindr brothers came on—i love nothing more than sibling bickering. how jean is written as both someone feared and idolized isn’t a stunt that everyone can pull so flawlessly but i was so captured by the way she was given an almost mysterious aura surrounding her presence that wasn’t even there more than half the time.
the slowburn buildup was perfect. i’m so thankful i discovered “thin ice” with the latest chapter uploaded since it gave me such an adrenaline rush to read and i would’ve been biting my nails for another chapter without the slightest bit of closure. the pacing was great and the build-up was astonishing and stomach-turning!!!!
i’m so sorry for the long rant but i simply had so much to say! i binged this all in two days and im so happy i did so because this easily landed in my top favorite works of all time! thank you for writing such a beautiful but humorous masterpiece and i look forward to the update!
(i truly hope it isn’t too much trouble either, but may i also be added to the taglist? i’d hate to miss out on how things with our favorite ice-loving couple!)
WOW WOW IM SO FLATTERED OMG I'M ACTUALLY VERY FLUSTERED /pos and no worries, i don't mind the spamliking !!
thank you for complimenting my action scenes T_T <3 i always think that my action scenes are my weakest :O thank you !!
awww thank you for liking my characterization !! i know this version of all the characters isn't the exact same cocky, loveable bastard in fanon, but i wanted to try my hand at writing him with his own quirks and charms !! coach jean was definitely a character that encourages the reader's growth and was probably one of my favorite characters to write !! the reader's idolization of her is what drives them to work hard (at first, at an unhealthy level), but also she's just the best mom friend ever !! and coach zhongli, while based on no one in particular, definitely takes the typical dad vibe that i've always felt from him :D
i'm glad my pacing was good !! i worry often that i wrote it too fast accidentally ^^;
a lot of humor was stuff i myself have said irl or stuff that my friends say LMAO i hope it was entertaining
i'll be sure to add you to the taglist for the next chapter !! here it is if you didn't see it yet :D link
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meowsticmarvels · 3 months
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whats on your mind rn in terms of Games ?
OOH FUN.... assuming you probably asked this bc most of my interests are games LOL but i jhave some Thoughts on games in General and the industry as a whole. buckle up!
- currently im playing. a lot of them obviously but my most recents are persona 5 tactica and the sims 4 :] - fav fav games EXCLUDING THE SPECIAL INTERESTS . - ghost trick, UT/DR, NITW, TS4 ( i havent played any other sims except the sims 2 pets for the 3ds im sorry.), super mario galaxy, goodbye volcano high - the special interest ones include pokemon (fav out of main series is sun/moon, black/white, and scarlet/violet, but i do like many spin offs like mystery dungeon), mii/wii games (i.e. wii sports), minecraft story mode, and the persona games (never finished one but i've reached various distances in P2IS-P5 excluding some spin offs and stuff like i havent started P5S or P2EP. favs r 3 + 4 + tactica) ^ ask me about any of those (or other ones i like i.e. gvh) i WILL ANSWER even if its something thatd be faster with google im better - underrated gems i'd say goodbye volcano high, death road to canada, chicory a colorful tale, signs of the sojourner, aviary attorney, tails noir, blanc. ghost trick to a lesser extent ig but the others are indie - current main wishlist (inc. ones i Will emulate): shin megami tensei V, devil survivor overclocked, fire emblem 3 houses, professor layton, pokemon black 2, persona q2, persona 3 reload ( I Want. Now. its on gamepass but i literally need everything related to it you dont get it.), wii play motion, twewy, and okami. OH also in stars and time and oneshot. also disco elysium and hylics look cool too. AND CASSETTE BEASTS. fuck i hate when every game looks good. need to play murder of sonic the hedgehog also. and looking forward to billy bust up. OH AND I NEED TO PLAY THE STANLEY PARABLE. AND BALDURS GATE 3 - i think the only game i really truly regret buying is 1-2 switch. im sorry it was good for like 2-3 weeks when the switch was new now i just do not care - i love you indie games i love you games that in general are not afraid to be weird and deviate from stuff. get crazy with it - video games r kind of an art form. if you think about it - industry kind of shit !!! stop laying off your devs!!!!!!!!!! what the fuck!!!!!! its been bad lately even my dad (a QA tester) got laid off a game he was working rly well on because they abruptly cancelled it. ok - i don't care for most FPS games. not my thing. too stressful. not enjoyable for me that much. im more of an RPG guy but i'm open to new things i played like food maker apps when i was a kid - speaking of industry stuff crunch is another thing severely a major problem. and the thing with sag aftra approving ai voices in games. Stop!!!!!!! - i miss e3 :( was a fun thing to look forward to each year - game preservation is also a real issue. like ig i get saving money by killing the servers on old consoles but in nintendos case people still actively use them theyre not that old. kind of dumb. xbox i get it the 360's been out since 2005 but 3ds/wiiu things are younger than me chill out - HATE when good fun mobile games are cash grabby. like STFU its more annoying than anything when they make resources impossible to get without paying. whats the fucking fun in that. i'd rather it be an easy way out last resort than oh i can get like 1 gem every month by doing this BUT if i pay i can get 10 of them for like 10 dolar. like ok die - waiter! waiter! more transgender as hell games please! (i.e. goodbye volcano high. that game changed lives) - also we need more autistic as hell games and i mean canonically. and not fucking Creepy Autism Simulator - more and better accessibility settings!!! i personally dont need many myself but it's important to me that others are able to play a game without severe issues due to disability. indie games doing great abt this based on feedback though ive seen a lot of good ones - any streetpassers in the chat thats all sorry it was long but i have a lot of thoughts abt Games in general. if theres any in particular u wanna hear abt shoot me an ask!!! can be one not on here i'm open to reccomendations or just things ive gathered from people who have :]
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keefwho · 9 months
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August 17 - 2023 Thursday
1:08 PM
Sometimes I can't tell if I really don't want to journal because of the process or because no one is reading it or because I actually hate looking at myself. It's probably any of these reasons at different times. Lately I've become too aware of myself and my circumstances. I've also become aware of my actions and how often times they are driven by emotion and can be negatively guided. It's been painful not being able to accept who I am but I know this is an important step. I have to know what I truly am in order to steer myself somewhere else. I keep finding that there's always something else about myself that I've been avoiding.
4:41 PM
Im in an embarrassing place. I'm obsessing over wanting time with my bestie since she'll be at the beach all weekend. This only sucks because I've been doing a poor job exercising my individuality lately and caught myself leaning on her in a way that started to become unhealthy. Unhealthy in the sense that time with her was basically all I looked forward to because that time makes it easy for me to be myself and confront issues by talking to her about them. This weekend will be good though, it forces me to take some action for myself which is what I need. It's a good thing that in the recent past I have had some success being myself so I know what I'm looking for and I know how much it benefits my existence and relationships.
I don't like being someone without substance only able to echo back what people say to me. I want to be someone with thoughts and experiences I can openly express and find common ground with. I don't like being a drone.
I wish I could accept love more. Sometimes I stress out not being around her only because I feel like she is slipping away as my friend but that is my long held belief that everyone will leave me eventually. I know that if I could look at any relationship more realistically and realize some people aren't going anywhere, doing things on my own would be easier. I wouldn't be stuck thinking and worry about what I could be doing to make sure they stick around. I'd already know in my heart that they will.
9:11 PM
It's like my entire being wants me to sulk and sabotage everything. I'm drawn to put myself in bad positions, I think because as a child the good things I did didn't really get rewarded. I'd only get loving attention when something was wrong so that's still how I try to feed myself. It's a slow process accepting that it's much better to win affection in a constructive way rather than by tearing something down.
9:45 PM
It's time to go hard. I thought the exercises in my book seemed extreme because of their frequency but I have to try them. Its just so much but it's probably a good thing. I do have to go back and re-read a bit but I intend to follow the instructions to a tee because I have no better ideas. I'm hopeful I can brute force myself through this.
10:59 PM
Back to summarizing my day, I miss when I did it. It helped me remember and put into perspective the things I did.
This morning I played a little HOI4 while I made/ate leftover beef stew. I got to stream just about on time and did a nice warm up. I finished my friend's commission and then worked on another pic of mine.
I think it was during the stream that my bestie messaged me about how this guy she hooked up with didn't tell her he was with someone at the time and it's looking like he might have just used her for sex which is real shitty. I honestly struggle to remember too many details about this morning because I was thinking about this a lot today. I don't like that she had to learn this today and deal with the kinds of feelings that comes with. It really isn't fair that shitty people can take advantage of such wonderful individuals. I don't mean to sound white knight-ish but I truly do feel a sort of despair at this and I wish I could do something about it.
After stream I cleaned up some which consisted of folding my clothes, getting things out of the floor, and vacuuming a little bit. I also cleaned all the outside windows with this squeegee on a stick but it's falling apart so it didn't do a great job. I'll be getting my own to replace it.
I can't remember the stream I watched in the shower, I guess the shower in general was uneventful.
For lunch I made tuna spaghetti, my own personal recipe sort of. I unironically learned it from Henry's kitchen, just a can of tuna cooked with some angel hair pasta with some seasonings, mostly lemon pepper. I had strongly craved both tuna and pasta so that's why I made this, it's my second time doing it.
I cranked out another YCH despite having to get over a mental hurdle just to get started drawing anything. Apparently I did good because it sold for the autobuy price of $200 within a couple hours. I'm actually surprised and I think I'm learning what makes a good YCH. After that I worked a little bit more on that other drawing from this morning and a bit on my new world while spending time in my friend's server VC. I opened up a lot to him about my last bad trip getting high and my concerns regarding this weekend and myself in general. He got some words in too about his recent struggles. It felt good to open up like I did, especially to someone different. I think it's necessary for a healthy social life and I'd consider this an ounce of progress having been made.
I got in VR for a little bit and found this world straight out of an old barbie movie. The world was called "self reflect" so thats what I did. I laid down and enjoyed the scenery while trying to think about things a bit even though I've been trying to think about things less. It ended up being a good thing though because I was thinking about all the good things in my life and things I take for granted. I started to feel happy about a lot of things but I did have to exert effort to keep myself in that headspace. After a little bit, my other friend invited me to play Roblox so I joined him and his friends. It was a fun little time.
Dinner was chicken and fries as usual. I did some reading in my ACT book, jerked off, and now I'm about ready for bed.
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whydoikeepwakingup · 1 year
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I haven't been taking care of myself lately. I haven't been lotioning or anything, which is usually important to me. Same with teeth. Haven't been brushing every night and I haven't flossed in a while. Idk what's happening with me but I think today I'll make it a self care day. Stop focusing on my bf and hanging out with him & do more for me. I haven't been drinking water either unless I'm at work. This is also an odd habit for me. I normally drink water all the time. Idk where these habits have come from but I'm hoping I snap back after this post. I feel like im falling apart physically. Not taking care of myself, eating too much sugar, drinking soda. Idk whats going on with me. I also deleted my Twitter. It's weird not having it anymore. I'm so used to checking it and reading my timeline. I deleted bc it was useless. I only seemed to use it for complaining to myself occasionally, and the user base was extremely toxic. Like thinking abusive situations are funny. It would be accounts calling out abusers but making jokes and promoting toxic personalities at the same time. I hated being around that. I'm looking forward to Xmas this year. Me and my bf have money to actually get each other more than one gift, and we're safe and alone for the first time. I haven't been this excited about Christmas in years. I want to make sure he gets almost everything he wants. Idk what we're doing for dinner that day at all. But we spent Thanksgiving alone for the first time and cooked. It was fun and we didn't do traditional Thanksgiving food. We watched Wednesday and loved it and watched random videos and talked. I loved this 4 day weekend. I am broke this month though bc I missed a lot of work from being sick and then I went to Disney for the very merry Christmas party that I had planned for months, then it was Thanksgiving. So much work missed. But I'm not worried as long as the bills get paid. I've been playing Pokemon Violet w my bf and it's been both fun and annoying. The game has too many chances of your pokemon confusing itself or something and other odds stacked against you.
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Feeling dismayed overall. Hurricane just passed by and my parents refused to evacuate, placing themselves and my sibling within the eyewall of a category 5 storm; im going home to my apartment to someone who didn't take the storm very seriously, who had been determined to stay and ride it out anyways, eho kept saying that it's as though there wasn't a storm at all, "what flooding?" with a series of crying and laughing emojis. As if I hadn't been fearing for someone's life the entire day, gagging on what little food I did eat, watching reports of devastation in the town where I used to live, seeing familiar city names drowned, people stranded, bridges destroyed. Make a mockery of it all.
Staying with my roommate and her parents and experiencing a household in a way that isn't terrifying. Her parents have argued in the past, and have delivered physical abuse, but with all that having stopped (unlike my own escalating abuse), it feels almost like I'm participating in something I missed out on. Her father watching sports in the evening, with the Toads croaking outside, a perfect mirror of what my own childhood had, but without all the fear attached.
Aside from the storm hitting and my anxiety reaching fever pitch, I feel so peaceful. I don't want to go back. I don't want to move forward as though this wasn't a traumatizing thing for me. To just go back to the apartment, to set up stuff for work, to just move on. Everything feels too fast, but we can't stay another day as my roommate is going back to work soon.
I'm sure my new roommate is wonderful, suicidal depression aside. Makes me wonder if that was what I had looked like, when I was deep in the throes of it myself. We don't seem to have much in common aside from the surface level. She's a very "I hate all men" type of person, and as a trans man who takes great pride in the subtle masculinity I've cultivated over 7 years of my life. We had a minor miscommunication that ended with them raising their voice at me, but when I brought it up, intending to get an apology, they only mentioned how they had felt justified in doing so. I nearly apologized. While it has only been a month, I'm not finding myself connecting very well with them beyond a surface level, able to joke about things, but struggling when it comes to other things. She does need help, having moves through several recent traumatic events themself, but I don't feel I like her very much. Of course, you need to surround yourself with different people, with my isolated background it's a necessity for myself, but I don't feel like this is working out for me right now.
I've thought about living alone, it could be nice. It could also be avoidance. I can't financially afford it anyways.
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